#having a bit of a breakdown bc i keep fucking everything up bc of how bad my mental heath is rn

[cutearose]

.

[sanakiras]

TIDAL WAVE OF LOVE

PAIRING — choi seungcheol x reader

WORD COUNT — 1.3k

SYNOPSIS — even the strongest of people break sometimes. you’re used to hiding your feelings; your boyfriend is there for you when everything gets too much.

TAGS — angst, self-esteem issues, fear of failure, mc has a bit of a breakdown :(( but also a lil comfort

NOTE — cleaning out the drafts bc i have too many 😭 this is wayyyy shorter than my usual works but i still felt like posting it <3 i had a very stressful semester in uni before the summer break and i came across this video on twt of coups giving wonwoo a little comforting squeeze which i found very endearing sooo that kinda became the inspo for this!

the moment he calls out a greeting to you from his kitchen, you close your eyes for a moment. it would’ve probably been wiser to have gone home instead of his place.

you greet him the same way, hoping he doesn’t hear the crack in your voice.

“how was your day?” he asks you once he’s returned to the living room, giving you a kiss.

you press your lips together. “fine. nothing special.”

the first thing he notices is the lack of eye contact you make with him. you’re also being considerably less touchy with him than usual, which he finds strange.

“everything okay?”

“yeah.” you put up a smile that doesn’t appear genuine in the slightest.

he figures you could just be in a bad mood — but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

he knows for a fact that it’s not with the way you’re trying real hard to hide your face from him. you only do that when you’re upset about something.

“baby, talk to me.”

“about what?”

the response comes out snappier than you meant it to. you two have been together quite a while — so he’s come to know that you tend to get a little colder and distant before the dam breaks.

you look at him so briefly to the point where he’d miss the motion if he blinked. the expression equals a silent apology.

of course he always does his best to give you whatever space you need. that being said, he’s also come to know you get into your own head a lot, and sometimes there’s someone who needs to pull you out of it.

you bite your lip in a pathetic attempt to hold back your tears. “it’s fine, cheol, just let it go.”

“well, i care about you, sweetheart. what’s going on?” he’s persistent but gentle about it. you have a habit of keeping your feelings to yourself and hardly ever letting anything out, which leads to everything just piling up and making things worse.

“i don’t wanna talk about it.”

the lump in your throat begins to rise.

“i can see that, but you’ve clearly got something you need off your chest. are you okay?”

you don’t show anyone when something’s wrong unless they mention it first. and even when they do, you’re hesitant.

it’s an exhausting way to live, but you still choose to do so.

it’s one of the reasons why you hate crying. your glossy eyes always betray you.

then you make — what you consider to be — the mistake of looking into his big, worried eyes once more, and you just completely fall apart in front of him.

the tears begin to flow before you can even comprehend it.

“it’s just—god, i don’t even know why i’m so fucking emotional, i just—” your breath shudders, the mildly angry expression that was previously on your face now nowhere to be found, “everything’s been so stressful recently, and i’m scared i won’t pass my classes, and i feel like such a slow learner compared to everyone else—”

he’s rubbing your back, just allowing you to you let everything out. he keeps quiet.

“i feel fucking fragile. and weak. every little thing is just too much right now. i’m sorry, i feel stupid.”

he lets you cry into his chest as his arms are wrapped around you, one hand softly rubbing the back of your head. “don’t feel stupid, baby. you can vent to me, always.”

the sound of your heavy sobs hurt him, because he feels like you’re always so hard on yourself, but he’s glad you’re releasing them. it’s healthier to let it all out than to keep it in.

“it’s just like i can’t breathe, y’know?” you mutter in the crook of his neck, subconsciously wetting his shirt with your tears, “i can’t take a single break ‘cause i’ll fall behind. i’m so tired. i feel like i’m not even smart enough to take the damn course, let alone pass the fucking test—”

once he feels like you’re about to start hyperventilating, he moves back to let him look at you. “long breaths. you’re okay, just breathe with me.”

he purposefully takes long, deep breaths, counting the seconds out loud to guide you, and it works. your breathing is steadying bit by bit, sobs faltering, melting into soft hiccups and numbness.

with dried tears and a slightly hoarse voice, you let out a sigh. “i just hate feeling so incompetent. for once, i’d love to feel smart. i wanna feel like i’m able to keep up as well as everyone else does, y’know? i’m… i’m procrastinating everything and i don’t know how to change it. it all sucks.”

“it’s not easy, baby. don’t be too hard on yourself.” he presses a swift kiss to your skin, and you hold him tighter, as if he were to slip out of your hold if you didn’t.

“it’s not easy for me. it is for them.”

“there’s nothing wrong with that. would you think differently if someone in your class had to put more effort into passing the course? you wouldn’t, right? because at the end of the day, you both make it to the finish line. that’s what matters.”

deep down, you know he has a point. you put the pressure so high on yourself, yet don’t apply the same logic to your peers.

you don’t really understand why.

“and you say it’s easy for them, but i know for sure that they put more effort into it than you might think. trust me. you’ll get to where you want to be, one way or another. if you take a little longer to do that than a classmate, who cares. it’s your life. i know you’ve worked so hard—” he twirls a strand of your hair between his fingers, “even if you don’t pass that class now, it won’t be the end of the world, and there’ll be another chance. you’ll get there.”

now there’s just a few last tears running down your cheeks. “except i’m worried that i won’t.”

“you will. and once you do, you’ll be happy that you got to that point because you worked hard and deserve that success. if not today, then tomorrow. yeah?”

you take a deep breath, exhaling slowly, the last shudders of your breakdown bubbling to the surface as your heart rate finally slows back to normal. “yeah. thank you.”

to show your gratitude, you give him a hug, which he happily embraces, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“anytime. i’m here for you.”

even the strongest of people break — but they can still pick up the pieces and start over.

do your best (but maybe not sometimes) <3

® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.

[bcolfanfic]

What was the wedding like? I bet Curt was Bucky's best man? Was the bachelor party messy? Meatball was ring bearer??? LOL

#young vets au

first of all s/o to @swifty-fox who came up with a good chunk of these. i've been so focused on poor bucky's mental breakdown that quite honestly a part of the "they get married on paper and say they'll have a wedding...eventually" was me putting off figuring out that lore LOL. but here thee go.

they start planning it after bucky is out of the hospital and doing better. gale brings it up first- and bucky is so 🥺. obviously gale never asked for a divorce but, he still feels a little insecure about things/how much he put him through. so knowing gale *does* still want to marry him good and proper makes him a lil emotional. sweet boy.

they try to surprise each other with engagement rings and end up clashing with each others surprises bahaha. me thinks gale gets bucky a celtic eternity knot ring. bucky gets gale something like this.

big crowds/travel is still a bit of a rough spot for bucky, so it's in wyoming. in my mind they have a hugeee backyard. so cutesie homey backyard wedding it is.

curt is 1000% bucky's best man. that's his best friend and curt (this hasn't really been explored a great deal yet but it will be) quite frankly did about as much for him during his big ol breakdown spiral as gale did.

hmm idk who gale's is. choose your own adventure, its whoever you want it to be.

wearing their air force dress uniforms comes up briefly but bucky hates it so it’s tabled. gale asks the guys not to wear theirs either.

all the guys come into town, of course they do. they're *so excited* not just because it's their buddies getting married but bc this is the first time all of them except for curt and kenny have seen bucky in person since his attempt. so seeing him so happy and doing better makes them happy.

demarco does indeed bring meatball.

i think since they essentially share all the same friends they have a joint pre-party a few days before. maybe the first night everyone is in town. a reunion party of sorts.

i need to do a hc list explaining all the curt/kenny lore as it exists in my head but this is maybeee the first time everyone is seeing the two of them since they aren't (badly) trying to keep that they're involved on the downlow. which everyone gets a kick out of just as much as they do bucky and gale.

both of them cry during their vows.

and, my favorite thing @swifty-fox and iame up with last night:

i know its hinted at in a few of the phone povs about bucky wanting to get sober but in my mind that's closer to when they have josie. so when they get married there is alcohol abound (lol). and gale, because hey it's his fucking wedding after all- partakes this time.

he sees bucky playing with croz's kids in the yard and gets so emotional because he just loves him so much, wants that with him and now they *can* have that together even after everything they've been though.

curt sees this and is like awww, i see that look buck! and sweet drunk gale just starts blabbering about how he's gonna put babies in him- he's gonna figure it out, JSTOR hasn't failed him yet.

to demarco, who is running around with his camera, this is the best moment of his life.

asks gale to run that by him one more time with the camera in his face.

"i said, you see my husband over there?" gale says seriously into the camera, holding himself up on curt with one arm around his waist and gesturing to where bucky is deep in drunk conversation with kenny "'m gonna figure out how to put babies in him. JSTOR hasn't- hasn't failed me yet. gonna figure that shit out and we're gonna have more kids than- than croz n' jean."

[kichona-s]

Hereby requesting facial structure rant

ok for those who dont know this is reference to my post where i cry about george's beautiful fucking face at 2am

this is pretty fucking specific and also pretty long so i wont clog your tl with it so its under the cut

OK FOR GEORGE. Personality and everything else aside he has my most favourite face out of the entire grid (sorry guanyu) BECAUSE. LOOK AT HIM. THERE SO MANY NICE ANGLES AND ITS SO NICE AN LONG AND HIS CHEEKBONES??? THE JAW??? his nose also fits his face really nicely ok but the key is to not look at him head-on you need to get the side profiles and the 3/4 views because FUCK. i love so much theres so many points of interest for his face also his chin juts out really strong which looks lowkey kinda funny in some pictures but it really adds to the whole angleley bony face structure he has going on anyway. george my number 1 fav face the only thing im not a big fan of are his ears rip theyre too round for the whole angular coherency BUT THATS FINE IDC

MOVING ON TO MAX VERSTAPPEN (this is not done in a ranking order btw i havent drawn the whole grid so i cant properly rank everyone) ok like im gonna be real with yall. i thought he was fucking ugly as shit when i first got into f1. like i looked at his photo and was like ??? ig he wins a lot lmao OK BUT THEN LIKE A FEW MONTHS AGO I KEPT GETTING MAX STUFF ON MY TIKTOK FYP AND I WAS LIKE. HOLD ON. HIS PERSONALITY KINDA CUTE ASF. ok yea basically i gaslit myself into loving his face (either that or charles possessed me). for max im way too drawn to his lips (@loquarocoeur bro u know this lmfao) and ngl anyone who read the notes in my face breakdown u could probably tell but i love his lips??? so much??? gonna keep it pg here but he should suck on more things other than the twisty redbull can straw things

still on max but i really like how fucking square his face is. its so refreshing to draw. also did you notice that he has a small ass forehead?? bc he does. he looks wrong when i draw his forehead too big its kinda funny (looking at YOU oscar). i also really like his ear shape? it bends pretty low so it looks kinda cute and i try to make sure i draw it properly lmfao. special note to when hes looking down but then his eyes look up and holy smokes it brings out his nose bridge and the eyebrow bone thing SO WELL???!! anyway i want to eat him

for oscar uh. his face is oval? i guess?? after all the oscars ive drawn youd think i have more to say but i dont :( his face is pretty and also sometimes a pain to get right but other than that nothing too much for me to rant about. OK BUT HIS HAIR??? LOVE HIS HAIR I LOVE THE FUCKING SWOOPY THING IT DOES (it also makes my life WAYYY easier bc i can just draw the swoop and most people know its oscar yay for good character design). also everyone is right he does look like a cat. a cat with a massive fucking forehead. also whenever i draw him i remember that hes only three years older than me and its pretty scary ngl! thats hitting a bit too close to home for my taste! hes cute though and ive definitely drawn some banger oscars so one love

NOW FOR LANDO WHOOOOIMABOUTAMAKEANAMEFORMYSELFHERE! ok firstly his face is like a V so i always need to remind myself to bring the sides of his face in more compared to oscar. also did you know his eyes are a bit lopsided? theyre on different parallel lines im telling you go look at the 2023 official driver photos its So Bad i want to cry (that was also my first introduction to him so. i thought he was fucking ugly too). his face is really interesting to draw especially with his eyebrows that fade in and out and are really fucking bushy in the middle LMAO. do i love his face? nah. is it fun to draw? yea pretty fucking fun ESPECIALLY because he somehow suits all the funny shit i wanna put him in like dresses and skirts and bikinis (and also @cx-boxbox is an enabler istg half of the landos ive drawn probably wouldnt exist without her) also his ears look pointy from certain angles and i think thats really cute so i always draw them pointy :))

for charles uh i dont like drawing his hair its a pain. nice face i guess

LASTLY MY ONE AND ONLY!! THE MAN WHO BREAKS ME OUT OF ARTBLOCK REPEATEDLY!!!! ZHOU GUANYU!!!!!!! he's just very cute to me i love his stupid fucking eyebags AND ALSO THE WAY HE SMILES IS ADORABLE I WANNA PASS OUT :(((((( i dont draw his non-chibi version as much bc whenever i do i feel the need to make him Perfect (because hes my fav yknow) so i tend to just. not do it. unless i need to cure my artblock then i draw him so idk hes like my pc reset button. anyway i love zhou and i love looking at pictures of zhou and if he doesnt get a seat next year i will probably cry. also shoutout to sweetcorn the bestest most adorablest cat (wins out jimmy and sassy btw i dont care sweetcorn is the best fight me)

comments questions and arguments are all encouraged i stand firm in my stances (for now at least we'll see again 6 months later)

[duckiemimi]

i really dislike how some ppl simplify geto’s defection as something he did to protect and save gojo, like??? gojo was already labeled the strongest by then, and even when they were working him to the brink of death (which he’ll never fall off of, trust 🤞), i’m sure geto knew he’d be fine since he was built for it anyway. if anything, his downward spiral is just that—his, and only his; stumbling in the dark after the destruction of everything he ever knew, his lifeline in the jujutsu world (the strongest protect the weak). like a religion, geto needed something to believe in, so when that collapsed, he made his own mantra to keep moving forward (all non-sorcerers have to die).

don’t get me wrong, i’m sure witnessing gojo on the verge of a breakdown tore him up inside (probably the first time he’s ever seen him like that), but gojo bounced back after, and he definitely resented him for being able to move on while he was going through the depths of it. what made him snap was seeing two helpless children beaten and locked up by the ppl he swore to protect. i’m sure he probably saw a little bit of himself in them at that moment.

and maybe, sure, he didn’t wanna ask gojo to come with bc he still cared about him and didn’t want him to follow where he was headed. he was already a curse user with a warrant on his head, so it would be unfair to ask that of him. and that’s the thing, the complexity of his emotions when it come to gojo, resenting him and still leaving him with his last piece of advice, a moral compass’ parting words—kill me if you want. there’s meaning to that. he didn’t leave bc of gojo alone, but he’s still important to him.

he moves through his life by rage and resentment. gojo wears a mask, but geto’s is thicker—he parades around as if his goal is bigger than himself, righteous, but his problem is skindeep. he’s just a man coping with how unfair the world is in the most violent of ways. i’m sure he believed that his plan would’ve only worked if he was gojo, even in his last moments, so what was he really working towards?

geto runs away from his problems and emotions, and gojo locks them up in a box and acts like they don’t exist. the jujutsu society is fucked up and merciless, and they’re both the product of that, victims of circumstance.

they’re tethered together, but reducing their primary motivations for the sake of shipping is a disservice to their characters :’)

[onnahu]

So like Bruce/Batman is super overdramatic. Like we know it. Reather than going to therapy he decided to dress up as a bat and beat up criminals so that they go into coma. And beside, I know that him taking on a bat fursona is because of his fear of them or whatever, but he could be effective with a demon mask or something. But no! He has to be dramatic, and take on that cute-ass animal and make it feard by everyone, because if he's scared of bats, than everybody else have to too.

And they're so cute!

But. The thing is, vigilatism, heroism, villainism, it's all a bit overdramatic. So all of his gaggle of children are dramatic too. But like, it's an unnecessary flip there, and insulting criminals by puns there, not going all emo and 'I am vengance, I am justice yada yada'.

Also, how he's just always towards the JL. He won't tell them anything, he's gonna keep his cards close and let them have the littlest he can. And like he'll make everything as dramatic as it can be. Like there was that scene in the JL cartoon if I remember correctly, where GL was irritating him (as per usual), and Batman, instead of talking back or ignoring him, stole his rong and was like 'at least i can do shit without a piece of alien jewlery'. It's dramatic as fuck! Like, you didn't had to do that, man!

And that way, I came to Jason freaking Todd, who looked at that man and said 'I can do everything he did better'. So he went on his little 'RH is better Batman than Batman ever was yada yada' rampage, and then made Bruce's overdramaticness look like a preeschoolers tantrum. He went all in.

His name? Red Hood? It may look unoriginal, taking the same method to choosing name as Bruce, but it's just perfect dramatic irony. Bruce don't know how Jason chose his name, but he does and it's all for shit and giggles, so that he'll havea breakdown when he'll find out RH's identity.

And if we're on it. His whole identity reveal, confrontation with Joker shit? It was planned. He was practicing his monologue for a moth every night before bed.

And the Titans Tower. Like, I don't really like that, but that horryfyingly-hillarious image of Jayson in Robin suit? It's priceless. I've seen those posts where people were like 'did he buy it on etsy? Sex shop? Or maybe he did it with his own two hands for three months straight so it'll look perfect?', and it's always so funny.

He decided that he's gonna outrun Bruce in every category there is, and he almost succeed. He failed, bc he doesn't have a gaggle of children running after him. (Unless you count Generation Outlaw when he had his little team to train and it was super cool. Maybe he did beat Bruce at it. They went on their own at least and aren't that traumatised by him as every batkid is by Bruce, so...)

[fryandleelasbigfling]

i think leela deserves more appreciation than she gets.

i mean obviously there’s the people who just kind of degrade her into a pinup girl, we can all agree that’s lousy. but i think even a lot of good natured fans will write her off as the no-nonsense straight man to fry and bender, the “one with the braincell,” the one who has everything together and isn’t really willing to get silly like the boys. 

and yeah that can be true, especially in earlier seasons. but i think people underappreciate leela’s development and the fact she really is a messed-up, complicated, weird woman. 

for one thing, her kickass fighting abilities are well understood, but her kung-fu skill emerged as a way to work out her anger from being bullied, so she often resorts to violence as a defense mechanism even when it isn’t necessarily needed. in “hell is other robots” she gets freaked out by the mosh pit and beats up the other concertgoers, “bender’s game” is about how her anger can overtake her and even being punished for violence won’t faze her, and in “lethal inspection” she outright admits violent outbursts are how she copes with mortality. “anthology of interest 1″ shows that she will descend into a murderous rampage at the slightest provocation if she had just a bit worse impulse control. 

she’s also really stubborn! like, she will have a full-on mental breakdown if someone insists she can’t do something, because she has such an issue with being treated as unwanted and “worthless” that she needs to prove herself as highly capable of anything. "the sting," “mobius dick” and “bender’s game” are both great examples, as is the back half of “bender’s big score” -- note the sharp turn from “happy, calm, in love, willing to let other people handle the situation” to “insists on taking charge, kicking ass, and self-isolating” after lars leaves her at the altar. 

also as great as it is that she’s more organized than fry, this veers into some weird habits like freezing all her dinners a month in advance and having a very minimalist apartment for a while. this plays into how anxious she gets about taking risks. she is very pedantic about grammar and can get ridiculously overzealous about keeping her crew safe and healthy. however she gets bored and frustrated when she doesn’t have excitement in her life. 

she is very bad at organizing papers, preferring to just hide things away even when they become too big to ignore (symbolic!), completely failing when she steps in for hermes in “lethal inspection.” she also forgot to vote despite preaching about it all episode in “a head in the polls.” she is not as infallible as she wants people to believe! she just tries harder to justify it to herself than others, because she also has a severe guilt complex -- if she admits to herself that she did something wrong, she feels she needs to be punished.

she has a lonely, mundane home life. she can struggle with creativity and settle on an unexciting option (i.e. wanting to use superpowers for “humdrum activities” in “less than hero”), which is where fry’s tendency to blurt out any idea that comes to mind comes in handy. 

despite being fairly fashionable, she sometimes struggles with traditional femininity. not just bc of her attitude and mutations but also her feet and breath stink lmao. she also has a bit of a potty mouth and has said “fuck” (bleeped out) in at least three episodes. she's a terrible singer (despite katey herself being a great singer).

she is implied to have a “hedonistic” past and used to drive around in a mausoleum as a teenager. she went to her prom alone with a dress made of carpet remains. she dropped out and “bummed around india for a while” after college. 

she has a massive soft spot for animals, including “gross” ones like leeches, and despite all her violence, she usually backs down if it means a (perceived) innocent animal will be hurt. this can sometimes backfire on her (i.e. “into the wild green yonder”). she is very protective and empathetic towards living creatures, probably cuz she never had anybody looking out for her. she likes to read books about animals to relax. 

she regularly visits the orphanarium and is very concerned with being a good role model for those kids, emphasizing especially with sally. it is repeatedly implied in the (admittedly semi-canon) comics that she wants to be a mother. 

she plays with her hair when she’s nervous or flirty. she had an anxiety attack and physically froze up when she thought a mutant was stalking her. she had a bedwetting problem as a child and even her warden still holds it over her head. 

she has repressed mental illness related to her lack of family growing up  and has a desperate need for companionship, but sets high standards so she won’t get her heart broken first. whenever she’s single, she is very cynical about love and doesn’t do well seeing happy couples. 

she seems very obsessed with normality and stability which is why she often seeks men of high status to date, even if they turn out to be jerks. however, she outgrows this after meeting her family, as she becomes extremely attached to them despite their low status and embraces her mutant culture quickly. 

her mutations are not limited to her eye. she not only has a whole episode about her now-cured genetic mutant disease, but she occasionally lays an egg and has talons on her elbows. depending on the episode, she can be quite disabled by her single eye due to her lack of depth perception. there’s also the singing boil but that episode sucks lol

she also can get really horny lol. once she’s dating fry steadily, she tends to initiate things a lot more, even in public. i think it’s sometimes more of a fanservice thing but it’s always funny to see her so down bad, especially in the comedy central era

she likes bender because of his “in your face attitude” and often has a playful dynamic with him despite disapproving of his lack of morals. she doesn’t like amy a lot of the time but they can get along and comfort each other when the time is needed. i’m not even getting into her and fry because that’s its own post.

overall i just love leela a lot, she’s such a weird, complicated, fascinating character and i could go on about her All Day. 

[imeriayapping]

hey!!! how are you doing?

ohmygosh for the liloscar imagine liam having a seat in the alpha tauri and logan and oscar don't have a proper friendship anymore and liam and logan get super close since they were team mates in f2 (i think??? i dont follow them unfortunately but ill read anything you write all ur ideas are fantastic) and then oscar gets jealous like that should be me so he goes to logan and they get in an argument abt this and they both basically declare their love for each other and then logan gets all confused and shaken up because he thought he had a good thing with liam going on and now his feelings are all confused to he talks to liam about it and he says he likes logan too but they want to focus on their careers so they put a pin on it or smth and then later on oscar finds liam in a little breakdown because of his seat and the rumours if he's good enough to move up to rb or if he's gonna be replaced mid season and oscar knows how it feels like to never have ur seat confirmed to move up and basically being treated like shit bc of alpine so he goes and comforts him and liam's like huh ohmygosh how nice and he grows feelings for him too so they all like each other and bam: relationship

and then there could be little snippets of ppl on social media posting abt them because they keep their relationship public but private so they never say anything abt it and ppl just speculate and it's never confirmed

sorry for the ramble, have a lovely day 💕

Don't apologise for your rambling it was amazing to read!!!!

But i would probably go a bit different about it, maybe Logan got that second alpha tauri seat so now they can actually spend time together while his friendship with oscar went a bit still. It takes effort from both sides to keep up texting or meetups and getting into f1 made it harder for them. And then there was last year with Williams that hit Logan pretty hard so keeping in touch was hard. Oscar not really reaching out first, too wrapped in his own team did affect this too.

So now Logan is constantly in close proximity to liam and they are back to their f2 flirting and all that. Oscar mostly see that online in pr vids that they make or something like that and it annoys him because it wasn't like that even with Alex so he gets snappy in any interactions they have which is strange and highly unusual for oscar.

And one too many comments bring logan and oscar into some far away location, maybe even one evening when they stay in the same hotel or something. At first it's very still and tense conversation, but then oscar let something slip and it actually angers logan bc he wasn't there for Logan when everything was shit and liam did so there no reason for him to act like this. Then he admits his feelings not noticing the slip bc of how furious he is. Oscar answers also very heated that he in fact also have feelings for Logan and it all goes on.

They don't do anything about it because Logan needs some space to think but now they at least acknowledged attraction between them which is something

Logan talks to liam about all of this bc they both know that something is there but just never talked about it. And above all else liam is his friend so they literally just talk about it like "i know that i like you and that you like me too but here this thing with oscar and i have no fucking idea what to do" and in the end they decide to just wait till summer break when they can have some uninterrupted time together and see what will come from that

And then happens part with liam breaking down (maybe because he already with rb for so long but now that logan is also here they have practically same treatment and not really any prospects for rb seat bc yuki now have it?)and oscar and liam open their eyes toward eachother and then they all actually get to the relationship part during summer break hehe

[heatwa-ves]

please explain your izuleo playlist with as much detail as you want im interestedddd

MIKIIII THANK YOU. okay here's my playlist and im gonna do a song by song breakdown... I'll try and keep it decently brief so this doesn't become one million words but we'll see. my playlist is vaguely chronological so it starts pre-checkmate!

astroboy- suggi

okay so this one is just straight up a leo song. you just have to listen to it it's literally about him "I raised my hands up real high, they called me stupid when I asked why we couldn't fly. am I too far ahead of my friends, or I am late?" hellooooo hello. hi. leo tsukinaga everyone!!!! right down to the moon/space theming

"oh, the rain, you're losing your flame, where'd the burn, the passion go? you run through the pain, you're losing your aim, and you feel like you alone missed the grow" LITERALLY about his breakdown post checkmate. uagh.

cheerleader- ashnikko

an izumi song!!! I don't have to explain anything here you get the vibes

brand new city- mitski

having to preface this by saying I do not listen to mitski this is the only song of hers I listen to and only because it makes me think of izumi so much I feel like throwing up.

"If I gave up on being pretty I wouldn't know how to be alive, I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die." yeah. izumi sena.

yoru ni kakeru- yoasobi

well I'm sure you know this song and the story behind it "the seduction of thanatos" I think it works very well about the izuleo dynamic around this time when they're very codependent and leo is so severely depressed and suicidal. they're fucked up 👍

it's all so incredibly loud- glass animals

so this one makes me think of izumi going to see leo in a similar vein to lionheart but probably before that and he sees leo so broken and neither of them can bring themselves to say anything. "I tried, for you and I, for too hard, for too long" makes me think of the ending scene of lionheart and so on

softcore- the neighborhood

"you've been my muse for a long time, you get me through every dark night. I'm always gone, out on the go, I'm on the run and you're home alone"

"every time I kiss you, baby, I can hear the sound of breaking down"

you get it. you see the vision. more depression era stuff.

less of you- keshi

depression era leo... there's so many lines in this song that correlate to them but a fav is "too much time in the limelight, gimme your all on the land line, want it so bad but I won't lie and it just gets worse in the night time."

are you happy? - shy martin

"and I know I thought that pain's part of love, but I think I broke you, though I didn't mean to. but are you happy, looking back at us when you met me? would you go back and tell yourself to leave it, knowing what we know?" UARFGHBHBB izumi.... who killed cock robin ass song.

from now on we are enemies - fall out boy

I've talked about this one EXTENSIVELY before but it really is just a song about leo tsukinaga. what else can I say.

always- keshi

well yk.

bad thoughts- half alive

i love when they hate eachother. they don't actually truly hate eachother but man sometimes it feels like it. everything hurts. "like a time you gave your all but just got hurt, like a crack in the mirror bringing out your worst"

to everyone who wants to die- takayan

read the translation oh my goddddd. leo. leo

sing to me- missio

this is a song I DREAM of making an animatic to its just so deeply fundamentally leo

never ending song- conan gray

okay this one is a bit more specific but I like to think of leo while he's out of school seeing izumi in a magazine or an ad or something.. and that brings with it a whole ton of complicated feelings

"but we've grown too close, now it can't amount to nothing. I can hear your voice in the music on the radio, and it goes on and on and on, like a never-ending song" you get ittttt

bodybag- chloe moriondo

more of the vibes more of the complicated feelings . this one is mostly here bc I love it and was thinking about izlo while listening icl. unrelated but chloe moriondo is cool as hell they have some awesome music videos especially the one for this song

love or the lack thereof - isaac dunbar

the epitome of pre/early ! izlo love. to meeee also I just love love loveeee it as a song

last minute - kitty

"you're the loop of rope I hung up in my stupid closet" "you're all poised and im made of poison" do you get it do you GET it. it's leo about izumi frfrfrrr

"could you wrap your hands all the way around my neck, and tell me where I stand, tell me everything I'm wrecking when I spin. take over my breath, in out in, I am missing you to death"

android girl- deco*27

I love this song and while I love the original im partial to rachies english cover especially the lines

"we restart and fall apart together, what we have will drag on in this way forever"

"make it stop, make it stop there's so much guilt and regret, I don't get how I can forget and start to hope again, we haven't even come to the end, so much for promising together forever, we aren't even friends"

the girl in my memories- jeebanoff

"in place of your fleeing love, only my sad solitude remains, even though that time won't come again, the memories that are gone, are forever" more depression yaaay

achilles come down- gang of youths

SORRY it's just such a compelling look at depression and being suicidal... so many of these songs are about Leo's depression but I swear this part of the playlist is over soon and moves further in the timeline. I really love this song it's just... everything about it... leo is achilles here of course and the voices talking him down and telling him to go through with it are his family/izumi and his own mind/the students from school respectively.

calender girl- stars

"all of the things that I thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day. december is darkest, in june there's the light, but this empty bedroom won't make anything right, while out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home, who waits up for me all through the night- calendar girl who's in love with the world, stay alive"

HEALING!!!!! GROWING AS A PERSON!!!!!! OVERCOMING DEPRESSION!!!! DO YOU GET IT

"I dreamed I was dying, as I so often do, and when I awoke I was sure it was true. I ran to the window, threw my head to the sky, and said "whoever is up there, please don't let me die," but I can't live forever, I can't always be, one day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea"

crush of judgement- knights killers

i don't need to explain this one

move me- half alive

THE izuleo song THE reason I made this playlist. won't you be my song when I cant dance WON'T YOU BE MY SONG WHEN I CANT DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! LIGHT MY FIRE BURN THE TREES!!!!!!!!! also watch the music video it's gorgeous

the third heart- harumaki gohan

first of all go play genei ap rn it's a short mobile game created by this artist featuring lots of their songs about a reserved girl who loves music and her more extroverted friend who asks her for song recs. it's a very izuleo vibes game and just a beautiful game in general I think you'll love it sm mikiii

second of all.... just. this song. play the game and watch the music video for the full impact frfr 🫶 anyway back to izuleo

back around- half alive

depression never truly leaves but you get better!! it gets better!!! there are bad days but there are so so many good days!!! this whole album is kinda izlo vibes

you get me so high- the neighborhood

"you're my best friend I'll love you forever" 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 makes me think of them... kind of talking about their past .... not very well because they have no emotional maturity but still.

silent oath- knights

for obvious reasons

reunion- harumaki gohan

I imagine this is after the end of ! era .. they've both grown and matured immensely as people.. it'd probably have more impact if I read requiem but um..... I'll get to it... (I've been saying this for a year and a half) to me it's a goodbye to their teenage years and the ups and downs and them moving forward into adulthood and a more stable relationship

don't be so hard on your own beauty- yeule

they help eachother heal 🥹. this one is a bitttt more reliant on some of my takes on izumi that I don't really wanna get into rn but yk. it's here. it's vibey. things were bad and now they are better. there's sunlight streaming though their apartment window. they don't have anywhere else to be this morning. yk.

work of art- downer Inc, kellin quinn

ueeeghhvhb they love eachother.... izumi brings leo inspiration.... these descriptions are getting less and less coherent

I swear ill never leave again - keshi

ueeeeueueueuehhhehhehhehuuueueue

infinitely ordinary- the wrecks

I like the romance of mundanity.. I think they could be happy.. it's very hopeful and a good ending to the playlist

[thegeminisage]

SEARCH FOR SPOCK breakdown

i watched THIS movie three days ago and im still not over it. incoherent phone liveblogs translated to normal human language below:

firstly, this movie is extraordinarily quiet. even with my computer and browser volume and 100% i still couldn't hear it. we had such trouble finding a copy that was both loud and subtitled i had to download my own - even actually starting a free paranmount plus trial didn't work because their website is GARBAGE and refused to load the movie for me on any browser. which meant losing one day. and then the second day i was out of town. i had to wait SO LONG to start searching for spock. i basically forgot the first 12 minutes of the film bc of those two lost days

uhura was very hot in this movie. i love how she had stuff to do. idk how she keeps getting hotter every movie but she's the most beautiful woman in the world i think. her telling that little ensign to get into the closet while calling him a good boy was maybe the sexiest thing she's ever done. i wish she had gotten to go with them the whole time!

the absolute screaming that ensued when kirk found bones sitting in a pitch black room with spock's voice coming out of his mouth. like i said i knew vaguely about this but i did not expect him to be FUCKING POSSESSED??? i need to find time to read 4000 spones fics about this specifically if anyone has recs i am soliciting them

everything was so good. the comment about poison in a bar not being logical. the failed nerve pinch. him being able to suddenly act as first officer. mwah

i like the snowy cacti on genesis even though most of those sections lagged for me personally. not like computer lag but like. psychologically. and baby spock was so cute!! teenage spock did not need to be fucking his former student who is now way older than him tho. that was wack. sorry saavik

the entire section of busting bones out of prison and stealing the enterprise is one of my favorite trek scenes from everything i've seen so far, actually. it's exciting, it's funny, it's heartwarming, the chemistry is off the charts, and they all truly feel like a family.......cathy said it best but this is what aos was missing tbh

ALSO I TOTALLY RECOGNIZED LEONARD NIMOY'S VOICE IN THE ELEVATOR SHAFT. am i faceblind maybe a little bit but my ear never fails me

very shocked to see christopher lloyd in this movie. his makeup was um questionable. but he did a great job

we went back and forth for awhile on whether or not bones realized he was possessed. i guess "you're suffering from a mind meld" wasn't specific enough. like did he know spock was IN THERE. but we didnt know for sure until jim was like "how are we doing" and bones was like "WE are doing just fine thank you but i'd rather he have just taken a kidney" which was fucking hilarious. third best best line after "i've got all his marbles" and "THAT GREEN BLOODED SON OF A BITCH THIS IS REVENGE FOR ALL THE ARGUMENTS HE LOST" he's so iconic. like it wasn't actually just revenge for the stunt he pulled in the empath.

deeply mourning the enterprise. i knew there were different enterprises and that they had to blow her up eventually bc spoilers but this is the one and only first ever enterprise TO ME. watching her go down in flames was almost as painful as watching spock die. rest in peace queen :(

absolutely FLOORED they fridged david. i didn't expect them to do that ever but i'm SO glad they did bc 1. cry bitch and 2. i didn't actually care about him. despite them finding spock on genesis those parts of the movie felt slowest to me because spock wasn't able to like, Be Spock and i just did not care about david. i like saavik but i liked her better when she wasn't fucking spock. so. perfect choice

final fight was good. i was like I DONT CARE ABOUT THIS SHOW ME SPOCK but then i gasped every time one of them almost bit it. rip christopher lloyd's character he did a great job

did i burst into tears when kirk held spock and pointed a gun at people? yeah

however what we missed was the bit where bones goes to hold him instead when kirk has to put him down. truly the mcspirk movie of all time.

bones going "i choose the danger" HE IS SO IMPORTANT i love him so much

having absolute kittens in the section where i had to wait to find out if they put spock's katra back. like obviously they were gonna. did i start crying again when spock started talking? YEAH. i knew he was gonna have amnesia but i forgot so i got to be surprised anyway. and then also cried through the credits too bc ofc i did. spock is so important. bones tapping his temple at the end was everything though

idk why everyone says the odd ones are all bad! 1 was bad and i know everybody hated 5 but 3 was REALLY GOOD. i liked it even better than wrath of khan - aside from, again, the pon farr thing. there was more interpersonal stuff than in 2 but it didn't lack action and momentum the way that 1 did. it was perfect. there's no way 4 can be better than this. no way. sincerely hoping i eat my words <3

[yuukei-yikes]

can we get uhhhhhh some hibiya thoughts

yes. yes. yes. i fucking love hibiya. he's LITERALLY A LITTLE GUY when i got into kagepro he was one of my faves actually cuz he was the closest to my age at the time. i was 13… im 22 now! lol thats not weird at all *eye twitch* sry ive been weird abt the passage of time lately. erm wait this isnt my therapy session <- doesnt go to therapy

HIBIYA. LITTLE GUY. my thoughts on him………honestly, i recently reread all the novels and god his intro chapters were HARD to read. all the creepy stuff abt hiyori yknow. i was cringing so hard. i kinda wanna ignore it bc i'd rather do that with the weird bits kagepro has to offer, but not to get rid of it completely. like id take away hibiyas whole thing abt a collection of hiyori pics but still keep the aspect of him that worships her. and how that dynamic would COMPLETELY go away post str.

post str hibiya is VERY different from how he started out. i mean. 10 year old timeloop…. he hasn't grown at all mentally like he has to process all this with his 12 year old brain, but going through all he did he just kinda looks at things rly differently now. not obsessed with hiyori, for one…. and she's also different to him. their relationship changes drastically bc now they both respect each other LOL listen i know im annoying with my codependent relationship headcanons but… eyes hibiya and hiyori

these bitches are 12. spent 10 years watching each other die over and over and literally die for each other. AND THEN THEY GET EACH OTHER BACK? ERM. yeah theyre NOT letting go of each other. its not so much codependency as much as it is awful awful awful separation anxiety. god are there any fics of hibiya and hiyori going back home and having a breakdown at having to separate and go to their own houses (bc in the city they were living together so it doesnt hit that they need to separate until they go home)???

hiyori would still be kinda bitchy and bossy but definitely not horrible to hibiya. and also her attitude hits different when she's also always holding his hand and refusing to go anywhere without him and throwing tantrums when any of the dan members even imply any activity that would require to separate them. and she wouldnt rly be embarrassed abt it i think hiyori would be super open and vocal abt HIBIYA HAS TO BE WITH ME ALL THE TIME !!!!!! and hibiya isnt even flustered hes just like *NODDING NODDING NODDING* bc he's the same with her. girl… SEPARATION ANXIETY HIBIHIYO<3 mekadan so sick in the head <3 they have 78 undiagnosed mental illnesses <3

not to make it abt my future headcanons of psych major hibiya but. new generations man. hibiya is 10000% the one in the dan going like GUYS WHAT HAPPENED TO US WAS SOOOO MESSED UP and everyone's like lol yeah !!!! and he's like DONT LOL ABOUT THIS IM FUCKING SERIOUS??? especially since he's such a fucking outsider to everything like everyone else's been experiencing all these tragedies since they were born and he just kinda. had a normal life before? and like i said NEW GENERATIONS MAN THEYRE PSYCHOANALYSING THEMSELVES AND EVERYONE AROUND THEM…. the dan is so used to this shit that they kinda lmao rock and roll thru it and hibiyas like NO. NO. NO. EVERYONE. THERAPY. NOW!!!!!! it becomes his special interest he starts getting all into psychology and when he comes back to the city for his visits suddenly he's diagnosing everyone with stuff and the dans like *shaking* MAKE THE KID SHUT UP also realises he has separation anxiety with hiyori and works on it. hiyori is surprisingly the one most terrified of letting go. and like i said…. 10 year long time loop being processed in a 12/13 year old brain.. hibiya is SUPER self aware. he makes sure of it

ok and. heh. haruka. THE WHOLE HIBIYA HIYORI AND HARUKA THING COULD BE ITS OWN POST… SO… IM LEAVING IT HERE CUZ THIS IS ALREADY SUPER LONG but im just gonna say. hibiya's IN DENIAL of konoha being gone. he keeps expecting haruka to go away. hibiya THINKS he's super mature, and he is for his age bc of all this shit and his willingness to understand his problems and everyone else's. and everyone else also think he is mature, but this is just something he can't stop being a 12 year old about. his friend is gone! WHY does it have to be gone!?!? especially in an ending where hiyori is back. if she wasnt, then he'd be more accepting of the losses bc there were 2 both konoha and hiyori and like it becomes another whole thing abt letting go and mourning but if she is back…everything is supposed to be perfect!! everyone made it back!! why couldn't konoha? why does it have to be gone? its not fair! he doesnt care this haruka was the body's true owner!! konoha was his friend! it also deserved to live as much as this haruka guy!!! why is HE more important!!!?!?!?!? and he just. he's just insanely immature abt it. and he knows he is but truth is he's just really fucking sad and regretful about konoha being gone. i could also talk about hiyori and harukas feelings abt it but heheh yeah this is super long. erm. hibiyita el chiquito <3 hibiya throwing a tantrum in front of the whole dan abt how it isnt fair and how he wishes haruka would just die. LMAO. he is 12. if anyone has fic commissions open Eye eye

also erm wholesome one before i end it. he makes little miniature dolls of the whole dan<3 he's BAD at typing on his new smartphone but since he lives away hes always texting in the gc<3 he gets super into mobile games<3 amongus fan hibiya asking all his grownup friends with jobs and no time for amongus if anyone can play with him<3 they do bc theyre busy but there will always be time to amongus with friends<3

[aluckiicoin]

budget mobile rules/about

Aventurine belongs to the Honkai Star Rail universe. More specifically:

A senior manager in the IPC Strategic Investment Department and one of the Ten Stonehearts.

As far as personality goes:

He is not a nice person. While he seems rather laid back and as if nothing could ever bother him, he will talk down on you, use you for his own advantage, sell you out if he thinks the offer is good enough. He will manipulate and use you to his whims. His constant smile and ability to wrap words around makes it almost impossible to discern his true feeling. Truthfully, he might not be able to ID them himself. He can be nice and he will be if he thinks it will help him win you over.

But if you want more about how he is, you will have to look up the Information tag (and the one on the old blog).

A very short breakdown on rules:

he won't know who you are unless you are (for now) Topaz. If you want him to, you can mention it before (that does exclude OCs that are a integral part of the IPC, obviously he should've heard of those before). He might have heard of you if you're known to the IPC however.

I can decide what he does by myself, thank you

I'm not big on ships, mostly because I don't wanna hurt myself or others; and he's likely never gonna be what you want him to become

I'm terrified of people and therefore hate dms with a passion, mostly because I can only get myself to concentrate on talking to two people at a time

there might be some nsfw-related things, nothing explicit that would be over there

if you have a problem with trans folks you can fucking leave and get hit by a car for all I care

general tumblr rp lingo:

I am not mutuals exclusive

I will have favourites, it's a human thing to do

I'm a fan of OCs, so come at me

you can always bother him via askbox

it would be awesome if you could cut your posts. You don't have to but if you don't it's unlikely I will follow back because I only have so much space on my dashboard and if I come back from work I'd rather not scroll through 98 posts on the same thread.

I don't mind duplicates - really I wanna see him mess with other versions of himself

in the spirit of favourites I'll probably find mains, those will be the people meant if any muse is ever mentioned in a thread. That's not first come, first served.

I'm very low activity. I will likely reblog one or two memes every day but answers will likely have to wait until the weekend.

The writer:

I'm not a good person even though people that know me will disagree

I agonize over everything I say and then it still comes out wrong

for someone usually rping muses with people skills I am AWFUL at it

I'm overthinking everything, I get anxious about anything and I wish any of my muses would just share a tiny bit of their fucking ego bc I sure could use it

You can call my Skully (Skullbert)

I'm 30+ years, from europe and a guy.

and verses!

encased in amber light ( main verse I; pre Penacony ) which is everything pre-penacony (as in everything up until 2.0 and actually checking into the hotel)

wip (mainverse II, actual Penacony)

the higher I get; the lower I sink. I can't drown my demons; they know how to swim ( post Penacony main verse ) which is everything everything after the stoneheart's oath video

swarm disaster; muse edition (star rail but the characters keep multiplying) ; anything from 'the characters found tumblr and use it' to general meeting multiple versions of the same character goes here

the emergency plan; depending on how the penacony storyline goes on, Ven fakes his death and hides out in Belobog from then on (though with Boothill's description I might have hopes that my suspicions are wrong)

everything else

[thepladinsheart]

I love making everything about byler and Taylor Swift's "folklore" (my favorite Taylor Swift album) In folklore, there is a love triangle between Betty, James and Augustine. And Taylor herself said that "Betty and James ended up together but he put her though it." But they willelmike love triangle goes a little bit differently.

How the folklore love triangle goes is, Betty and James were together and had a falling out (but didn't break up) Then, he went away for a summer and cheated on Betty with Augustine. And after that summer, James shows up at Betty's party and apoligizes, Betty ends up kissing him on her doorstep (in front of all her stupid friends) and start dating again. Eventually, they "end up together" But. this is where byler and El come in. How I think, Mike is James, Will is Betty and El is Augustine.

The folklore love triangle is a musical parallel to Mike's relationship with El and Mike. This is why:

Will has been with Mike from the start, just like Betty and James. While, yes, Mike and Will have never dated, they've been best friends since kidergarten (i think) and they've been friends the longest out of anyone else is the party. While they have also had several falling outs but Mike has always been the one, at Will's door, apoligizing to him and begging for forgivness.

Now it's time to talk about El. Don't get me wrong, I am not one of the bylers that hates El, I love her. BUT, she was and is Augustine. She hasn't been there (with Mike) as long as Will has. She's basically a disraction for Mike in a romantic sense. And, hear me out on this, I think Mike is basically using El as a shelid. To cover up his interilalized homophobia and so he dosen't get picked on, so he isn't a target.

Time for lyrics breakdowns! (I have alot of headcannons about these lyrics but I'll try to keep these as close to canon event as possible)

"i knew you" -cardigan

Like I said, Will has been there from the literal start and he knows Mike better than anyone. a n y o n e.

"a friend to all is a friend to none. chase to girls, lose the one." -cardigan

We all know Mike hates being or feeling alone, espically without Will. (See all of Season 1) And I think he knows that he loves Will (that he's in love with Will) but he's too scared to pursue Will because he might lose El or Will or both of them. Also, I do think Mike needs El but not as much as he needs Will.

"but i'd knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss. i'd knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs." -cardigan

(i can't help but sneak a hc in here but idk if it is bc i might be canon already) I think that Will has stayed up late at night, just thinking about why he likes Mike and how he's never going to like him back. Why does Mike have to linger in his thoughts?

"i'd knew you'd miss me wants the thrill expiered and you'd be standing in my front porch light." -cardigan

This lyric reminds me of the aftermath of the rain fight in season 3, where Mike (with Lucas) stood in the pouring rain and basically almost kicked down the door, begging Will for forgivness (and later rain though the dark fucking forest, still in the pouring rain, to find Will and make sure he was okay.)

"cause you were never mine." - august

El has to know about Mike and Will at this point. She isn't dumb. This is highlighted in the "You never say it" scene. She knows that Mike isn't loving her the way she wants/needs to be loved, but she knows that Mike loves Will the way he needs to be loved.

"i remember thinking i had you." -august

While I think El knows, I think this is a new(er) realization. I think this was as nesw as that "you don't say it" and airport scenes. And just a friendly reminder that Mike only said "I love you" to El with Will's encouragment.

"and say, meet me behind the mall. so much for summer love and saying us. 'cause you weren't mine to lose." -august

This entire lyric reminds me of season 3 elmike and the whole "I dump your ass" scene.

"betty, one time i was riding on my skatebaord when i passed your house, it's like i couldn't beathe." -betty

(another hc im sorry) i 1000 percent think that Mike would go back to the Byers' old house after they moved. And everytime he felt like he was gonna cry so hard he would throw up.

"the worst thing that i ever did, was what i did to you." -betty

We all know Mike regretted the whole "it's not my fault you dont like girls" thing. (y'know banging on his door, running though the woods. all the stuff i already brought up.) But he proably also lies awake at night after Will moved away, staring at the celing, thinking about what he said, replaying it in his head, wondering why he was such a bad fucking friend.

"slept next to her but, i dreamt of all sumer long." -betty

I definitly think that Mike realized his liked Will in season 3 but got back together with El and that's when he started using her as a sheild.

I love the folklore love triangle and willelmike. i even write a whole one shot about byler and the song betty. (ill proably post a poll abt that to see if yall wanna read it.) ive been wanting to write this for a while so thank you for reading! and let me know if i missed anything so i can add onto this. i love you! bye!

[nakanotamu]

The read more is just bc I'm thinking out loud about wrestling stuff that's been on my mind/bothering me and I figure this might end up being long edit nvm it ended being about the usual depression stuff too lol

I think part of my issue as far as burnout is that I can't figure out where the line is supposed to be for work that you want to be done that no one else will do vs when you do not want to do the work any more. Like I do a lot of stats tracking for wrestling shows that I've done for a while now purely bc I had a lot of fun doing it and found it interesting. But I've sort of reached a point with it where I don't really think I'm learning anything particularly new or interesting with it but I realized it is taking a fair bit of time, so while it's hard to break the habit of doing it for every show it makes sense to drop it at this point, or at least cut back.

Then there's the stuff I actually worked on, like translations primarily and stuff like that. I'm behind back to stuff that happened in May, and I'd been thinking of it as a backlog, but just deciding to not do any of it does have an appeal. If it sucks hit da bricks. I know I have no real obligation here, but I don't know, thinking about totally dropping this stuff does hurt. On the one hand, I was genuinely very desperate to try and find some way to turn some part of this into actual paid work, to the point where I did way too much of it on top of my actual job and life and the stuff I wish I did have the option of just dropping and ended up having a pretty bad breakdown. So just not working on it at all any more is depressing, an acceptance that I failed and I'm still stuck exactly where I was a little over two years ago and nothing has changed at all. Maybe even worse bc when I started I was still working from home.

On the other hand I also feel bad leaving people who genuinely enjoyed my work out in the cold. I met some really great people thanks to it and had some really good conversations and stuff. But I also kind of hated the twitter clout because it's a lot of nice words that doesn't actually count for anything or do anything, and on top of that for every person who really seemed to get where I was coming from it felt like there were 5 more who claimed to appreciate my work who didn't get it at all. And that wears me down probably more than it should.

I'm a big believer that in any sort of work like that you shouldn't do it for an audience you may or may not even have or keep, you should do it because you want to do it and if people show up for it then that's on them. But I don't really know how to put it aside when it is still something I want to do but I don't know if I can. Even just things like reading comments on my own or watching shows feel like such an unbelievable timesink and I don't know if I have the energy or the mental health to keep it up even for myself. But I don't want to give these things up either. So I'm just. Stuck suffering in both directions.

And then on top of that there's all the feelings of disconnect and isolation that I've been struggling with for quite a while now. I mean like beyond the general ones every day like the wrestling specific ones. Reading and translating comments and press conferences and everything began as a way to feel closer, I think, to the wrestling I love so much. I think part of what fucked me up so badly when Unagi left was that it made clear how much that had not happened. Sure you can see the signs of her farewell tour in hindsight, but at the time I hadn't seen it coming in the slightest. No matter how well I understood these characters, no matter how much, even correct, insight I had into every word choice they made and every emotional beat of every story they told, I still don't know them, I'm not a part of this.

And beyond that, would I even want a part of it if I could have one? If I had some sort of magic golden opportunity to be part of the joshi scene right now, would I even want to see behind the curtain? What if I really am just a delusional himejoshi and it ruins everything I love about it? Would there even be a space for me there, what if I were just rejected? None of which matters because I still have no connection to it in the slightest, I've never even been to Japan and my current savings are supposed to be for computer upgrades so who the fuck knows when even that much might be an option.

I just. I feel so lost, and stuck. I don't know what to drop and what to keep working on but I don't know how to keep working on any of it in the first place. I can barely even make it through a single match without getting endlessly distracted these days, even when I WANT to watch it, even when I'm actively enjoying it! I want to drop everything in my entire life except for this but this also takes energy I don't have and feels like the only thing I actually can drop. This thing I love so much and have no attachment to whatsoever, that might not even want me if that was an option to begin with. I need to change something about my habits or my workflow or my life or something, anything, and I can't. I can't do any of it

[cumulonimbuns]

hi, yesterday i stumbled across the knights self-destruction and got so hooked i stayed up until it was three in the morning and my head hurt and i physically couldnt keep reading, and now ive caught all the way up. i am so obsessed with everything, im always a slut for angst and thats what i initially clicked for but my GOSH i am so digging the relationships between zelda and link and sidon and yona and yona and link especially. i am so so so overjoyed to see link and zeldas relationship portrayed in such a queerplatonic-feeling way, being in a qpr myself. this fic may have had a hand in making me realize me being some flavor of poly so thanks for that. i adore the zora worldbuilding youve done with the distinction between heart and treasure and how both of these are so deeply committed and emotional ways of feeling towards one another. and GOSH the angsty scenes were delicious. yona is a riot, and i am so in love with her portrayal. much like link i fucking need zelda to see this.

and just when i thought more bliss wasnt possible i find your blog and see your wonderful art of this story.

also the scene with link breaking down in yonas arms and him wresting with the gang have my heart even though my all time favorite is the sages reactions to links breakdown and his reaction to them seeing him. also link telling zelda about what clouds feel like. god im just HGN. i am never getting my brain back to normal from this. have a nice day.

I MEANT TO RESPOND TO THIS AGES AGO BUT GOT BUSY. SO SORRY BOUT THAT!

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! This made me very happy to read <3

I too am a slut for angst. I love to be hurt, but also need me that comfort. Which is why you all can take the solace in the fact that no story of mine will have an unhappy ending. SAD ENDINGS ARE FINE, I JUST CAN’T DO IT. I am not strong enough. I inflict much hurt but in the end it will be taken care of.

I’m glad the QPR vibes came across how I wanted them too!! I’ve always viewed/treated qpr’s with the same importance as romantic relationships bc they are!! So each pairing is as committed to one another as they would be to a romantic partner. It’s just how they express that love and some of the vibes are different. Another thing I’m so happy about is that you totally get where my brain was coming from with the ‘some flavor of poly’ bc in a way that’s exactly what’s happening. Like I said, qpr’s are just as valid and important as a romantic relationship, so there are some poly negotiations that goes down with all that. Making sure everyone is on the same page, comfortable, and agreeing.

It’s a bit hilarious how obsessed I’ve become with Yona. Nintendo barely gave us anything for this woman so I decided to run wild. Now I am completely insane with the amount of love I have for her, and it literally all stems from the fact I’ve turned her into my own character with all the random hc i threw on her at this point lmao. And I too need Zelda and Yona to meet.

And thank you so much for stopping by my blog to say hi and compliment my writing/art! It’s rlly made me smile. (And don’t worry, my brain is never returning to normalcy after this lmao, TOTK fan fiction/art has changed me as a person)

Here’s a lil doodle for you to show my appreciation (and a sorry for taking so long to respond fdhfhf, i know you probably don’t care, but I do)

<3<3<3<3 HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY OR NIGHT!!! <3<3<3<3

[winderlylandchime]

I swear i thought i replied to some of your questions a few days ago but i’m starting to think that I might’ve forgotten to and now i feel bad. But to summarize it: When we first started watching, he thought that Gale looked a little bit like Ashton Kutcher (but older version) and it was the funniest thing ever to me. He did only talk about it in the pilot though. Btw I am more and more tempted to later on give him Gale’s out of the box interview to watch. Or Randy’s podcast. He has been asking me about the actors a lot lately and if they still act and where are they and if theyre all still friends and I’m avoiding answering because well, one of them abandoned his podcast and the other one we dont even know if he’s still alive until we get a new photo. But I do wonder how he will react when he finds out Gale is straight ngl because right now he fully thinks Gale is gay irl.

Also yes, he has been going on and on about Brian’s growth and how he’s changed since he clocked it around 4th episode. He is so happy that he’s growing and allowing himself to be happy and in love even if he doesn’t want to admit it, that i just know the second 5x01 will start, he will have a mental breakdown and it will be very valid of him.

Your celebrities/therapist story actually made me curious now because how can a celeb that is well known, even get a therapist then without weirdness. I had no clue this was kind of a thing. And yes! My brother would absolutely launch into a discussion about Gale without shame, he’d have pictures and everything ready for it. I mean his confidence when it comes to talking to literally anyone about anything in his life (usually interests and shit he’s done thats funny to him or in this case the show) is impressive as fuck but also for an innocent bystander like me? actually a nightmare to be around that. He truly doesn’t give a single fuck and has zero shame and all the confidence in the world and idk how he does it. He just tells anyone who will listen (not in a trauma dumping type of way but like his interests and such? No shame) to give an example: when he was in high school he made an entire poster presentation for his class to talk about his love for the movie School of Rock and HE DID IT BY SINGING A FAKE ROCK N ROLL SONG (id give anything to remember the lyrics). Mind you, the presentation was supposed to be about current events in politics/world and School of Rock came out like a year or two prior. So you best believe he would do the exact same for Gale or more importantly QAF/Brian/Britin. And as someone who does shy away from talking about qaf just because it is a lot, he on the other hand truly gives zero fucks. Because when we started watching the show, he was fully explaining to the nurses/doctors/anyone that listened(our parents!!!) about how the show is AND HOW BRITIN MET! He TALKED ABOUT THE RIM JOB! I NEVER EVEN FUCKING TOLD YALL THAT! HE TALKED TO OTHER HUMANS ABOUT THE RIM JOB! AND HE WAS FULLY EXPLAINING IT bc he was shocked and surprised at how they filmed it and couldn’t figure out if that meant gale really did do it or not. So if you ever feel like maybe you’ve overshared about something you like and it keeps you up at night. Fear no more because my brother has for sure shared even more and has zero regrets about it.

It is hard to believe Gale is straight because he is that good of an actor and just went fully into the role and really thought deeply about who Brian is. Ugh it hurts my heart to think about just because it’s so full of appreciation for Gale and Randy.

I think you could show him any media that was released while the show was airing. But maybe avoid anything more current? Until he’s done and his heart is broken. He is going to be so upset by all the back pedaling in s5. Which is the correct reaction.

(I kinda love how as a fandom we’re like this is on the writers because Brian would never. Justin would never.)

I have a specific approach I take when I have celebrity clients and I think I could be a therapist to someone I’m a casual fan of. I could never be a therapist to someone I’m actively in a fandom for. I would have to leave the fandom, for starters.

HE TOLD PEOPLE ABOUT THE RIMMING SCENE!?! Oh my god. Anon you have to at least have him listen to Randy’s podcast episode about bottoming where he essentially said that Justin was too naive to do any prep and therefore someone experienced would have never rimmed him without making him at least shower first.

However I will feel so much better about over sharing now. Because holy shit I’ve never overshared like that.