#being more aware than most white people does not give me a pass from being white and growing up in a culture that intrinsically values that

[sttoru]

𝝑𝑒 synopsis. after being married to satoru for two years, you still giggle and (secretly but not so secretly) fangirl about him whenever given the chance. your husband absolutely loves indulging you.

tags. husband!gojo satoru x wife!female reader. fluff, sfw, tiny bits of angst. tooth rotting fluff yeah. reader gets called ‘princess, baby’. inspired by this ask.

“and and and, his smile ‘s just so beautiful,” you sigh dreamily, resting your head on satoru’s lap. you’re both enjoying the cozy night in your shared apartment. with no one bothering you—with no regards for the world that’s continuing its cycle outside.

satoru chuckles as he pats your head slowly, taking his time to appreciate every feature of yours. from your pink-ish lips to your pretty eyes. he’s so in love with the creation god has gifted him. he nods attentively, “yeah? what else?”

you giggle as he indulges you. it’s a habit of yours, to fangirl over your husband like you’re not literally his wife. satoru finds it absolutely adorable. plus, it boosts his ego. in a very good way.

“aaaand, he’s caring. that’s the one thing i love most about him,” you continue to ramble about your little ‘crush’ on that so-called mysterious white-haired sorcerer. satoru wishes he could capture this moment and keep repeating it over and over in his head.

the way you talk about your crush - him - is filling his stomach with butterflies. the tall man can’t deny the faint blush on his cheeks and the fuzzy feeling in his chest. you keep getting cuter and cuter the more time passes.

when he thinks you’ve reached a state of perfection in his eyes, you once again prove him wrong and go beyond that. “caring, hm? he must treat my princess real good then,” satoru hums and continues petting your head. his other hand rubs your stomach—fingers creeping under the material of your nightgown.

“he does,” you nod in agreement, “he treats me so well. i don’t know how i got so lucky to have met him.” you squirm a little as you feel satoru’s slender fingers graze your midriff, going back down to your belly and then back up your chest again. his touch is so intimate and loving. you’re spoiled. spoiled rotten by his affection.

satoru sighs. his white lashes flutter shut for a second. hearing you say such stuff makes him want to check if it’s reality he’s in. if it isn’t another too-good-to-be-true dream of his. no one had loved him as much as you did.

it feels good to know that he’s wanted. needed.

“no, i think he is the lucky one,” satoru continues. his hand petting your head stops and he moves it to rub your cheek tenderly. he leans his head down, the tips of your noses touching. he whispers, “having a pretty girl like you love him so dearly… yeah, he’s won the lottery.”

your heart skips a beat. satoru’s words leave you speechless. you don’t know if you can keep up the little silly act anymore. his flirting, the teasing and the genuineness behind his words—it’s all too much.

you grab the back of his head and push his lips down against yours. satoru’s breath hitches for a second before he gives in to you. he visibly melts, eyes closing and hands tightening their grip around your body.

“mmh,” satoru lets out a content moan. he loves you. he’s glad he’s met you and he’s glad he made you his wife two years back. you’re the only one for him. death won’t do you apart—no—he promised you on your wedding day that it wouldn’t.

you kiss him like it’s your last kiss on earth. the spark between you is still as warm and strong as it was when you met. the people who’ve warned you about the ‘honeymoon phase’ are clearly all wrong. they aren’t aware of the strength your bond with satoru has. you’re inseparable.

“i love you,” you sigh against satoru’s glossy lips and he deepens the kiss after that.

somebody loves him. somebody cares for him. that’s all he needs in life. his life is complete with you in it. he smiles against your lips and says the three words back, with more passion than ever before, “i love you too, my angel.”

nothing will ever separate you. not fate. not anyone.

[soupacool]

white people make everything about race they just don't say the words out loud. white people, no matter how liberal and not racist they are, make more snap judgements about people based off the color of their skin than anyone else, and they carry the consequences of those decisions carelessly. flippantly. we know we do this, at least subconsciously, and feel shame but shame makes us turn our head and refuse to gaze into the pit of culpability. white guilt, conscious or unconscious, prioritizes the way white people feel about racism as opposed to acknowledging and combating its systemic nature and the way our actions contribute to it.

[doll-elvis]

What do you think about Cybill shepherd saying she taught Elvis how to eat pussy? Lol

NSFW: 18+ content

lord that woman gives me a headache I’m sorry- until I read hers I have truly never seen an autobiography in which the author seemed intent on making the reader dislike them 😭

at least she is self aware because she did indeed come off as self-absorbed and her book was insufferable to read ⬇️

(excerpt from “Cybill Disobedience” by Cybill Shepherd)

and her thinking that Elvis was stupid says much more about her than it does him 👀

she even said that in 1972 she considered Elvis to be “passé” (meaning out of date/ no longer “in”)… like are we talking about the same Elvis or ????

not to mention her saying that Elvis had “frat boy humor”, and was a “morbid cheese ball” because he liked to read spiritual books

And one situation that really showed what kind of person she was when, after he bought her a ring and set it on her nightstand, she took one look at it, deemed it to be "too hideous," left the ring in its’ box, and then left Elvis who was passed out from exhaustion after an performance, to fly back to her boyfriend...

Her book has the exact same tone as Albert Goldman's in that she clearly despised Elvis and wanted to make him look as bad as possible, such as implying that he was homophobic and made racial remarks such as saying that ‘white boys don’t eat p*ssy’, but all she accomplished was to make herself look bad

I’m sorry to ramble but I just cannot get over how horribly she talked about Elvis 😩

As for your question I feel like there are only two possibilities as to why she would say such a thing:

1. Elvis was humoring her which led Cybill to believe she really was the first woman he went down on

2. She’s straight up lying

(excerpt from “Cybill Disobedience” by Cybill Shepherd)

and my vote is with the latter… 20 year old Elvis never doing it before is understandable, however a nearly 40 year old Elvis never doing it before is in the realm of impossible, especially knowing that he liked to “give” rather than “receive”

(excerpt from “Don’t ask forever” by Joyce Bova)

and the excuse of “white boys” not doing it seems implausible as Elvis has never been quoted as saying anything even remotely similar

Based on a story told by Dewey Phillips to a reporter in 1967, I believe the first woman that Elvis actually went “down on” was Natalie Wood ⬇️

There is of course no way of knowing the validity of this story but it being told in 1967 certainly helps in my opinion

I'm sure Dewey still had contact with Elvis, therefore I don't believe he would tell a false story to such a highly-regarded reporter, especially one who was also interviewing people like Priscilla and Vester Presley for this specific article, knowing Elvis would most likely see it

In corroboration with Dewey’s story, we do know for sure that Natalie and Elvis were intimate as their physical relationship has been confirmed by several friends ⬇️

(excerpt from “Down at the end of the lonely street” by Pat Broeske and Peter Brown)

(story told by Lamar Fike in “Elvis and the Memphis Mafia” by Alanna Nash)

(excerpt from “Elvis: My best man” by George Klein)

A picture really is worth a thousand words… I’d be looking at him like that too girl 😩

Not to mention Alan Fortas, the Memphis mafia member who was entrusted with filming girls for Elvis, said this about how Elvis would “relieve” himself in the mid to late 60s🤭 ⬇️

“Sometimes, while either watching the girls in his bedroom or perusing the tapes I had made for him, he would get a most defiant erection, which he would relieve either by masturbation, or, if the girls were actually there, by going down on one his lucky guests or by dry humping one through his slacks or pajama bottoms”

(excerpt from “Elvis: From Memphis to Hollywood” by Alan Fortas)

and while Priscilla’s descriptions of their “love-making” in the 60s is extremely vague like “he fulfilled my every desire” and whatnot, I would assume that oral sex was the go-to as they did not have penetrative intercourse

so I definitely believe Elvis was “going down” long before Cybill came into the picture in 1972 🤧

and quite frankly, I’m glad that she flew back to her boyfriend because she honestly didn’t deserve Elvis or his generosity… I’m still not over her calling him a “morbid cheese ball”, take several seats Cybill

[decolonize-the-left]

So I read through the post about what whiteness is and I had some thoughts. I’m white, and raised in a very very white traditionally conservative community. I was very sheltered, and when I was a young teenager and just starting to gain access to different ideas, and the ability to creat my own opinions on the world, I had a really hard time separating ‘white idealism’ I guess you could say, from the process of deconstructing my worldview. I felt like I had to prove somehow that I was better now, or that I had changed, even though I was trying to distance myself from that exact mindset.

It was also a shock because I found out quickly that as soon as you don’t fit into the neat boxes that of whiteness (i’m queer for example) they don’t want you anymore. whiteness can’t be allowed to be tarnished by anything that could be perceived as lower than it. and so even when I was starting to change my ideas, I still clung to the mindset that I had to be showing other people that I was good for them to accept me if that makes sense, and I think that shows itself in a lot of white leftist spaces as well from what I’ve seen. The need to prove to others that you’re good or better. Which just circles back to the same ideas they’re trying to distance themselves from. in order to really get out of the cycle that needs to be let go.

idk, hope that made sense.

It absolutely does and I absolutely agree. I think this is partially why progressive policies and movements have been so slow to be won. Most policies and movements are either spearheaded by or overtaken by white voices who's priority isn't in actually dismantling or addressing issues and that's reflected in the hollow policies they pass that never do much more than band aid any given situation.

Best and most recent example is the call for police to be abolished going to > police should be defunded > police reform is the best and more realistic goal because that's the compromise most will accept so it's Right > actually I think you should fund police again

(And of course passing Roe v Wade but not codifying for 50 years)

Also, and I'm just tacking this on: I blame this attitude for the current panopticon/cancel era we're living in as well, where people feel obligated to share personal truths to justify the things they say online. The need to Perform being a good person with apology videos, profile photo filters, and BLM in your bio instead of just actionably being a good person. Where people follow each other just waiting for the other to say/share something problematic just so they can have the satisfaction of calling out a Bad Person™

It's giving work write ups. It's giving Karen in HR calling a meeting because you broke policy.

Whiteness is a culture and we all live in a world colonized by it and so we must be aware of these things. And if we really wanna stop shit like that, we have to admit where it comes from.

Kill the Karen standing next to the cop in your head (so to speak).

[alatismeni-theitsa]

I got an ask with comments about a post where the OP kinda defended the situation with Lies We Sing to the Sea. I will not post the part of the ask with the link because I want to give zero attention to that post. But here is the commentary

The post in question has 1 note so please ignore it and let it remain hidden forever. But I'll comment because I love "taking the piss" as a Brit would say.

i don't trust this scorn [toward the author] to be warranted anymore. from white Greek people especially.

So.... OP excludes 99.5% of all Greeks on the planet (based on what Greeks consider a White person) from commenting on a cultural issue, where appearance plays no role... Ahaaam... Also, half the Middle Easterners and N. Africans can pass as White Greeks so... what does this gal call White and non-White exactly? Well, you know what, let's not indulge her here.

Perhaps I'll send my family over to her house and whomever she deems "ethnic"/"brown" enough, I'll instruct them to tell her her opinion is shit, so we have chances of being heard. I don't agree with bashing Brits just because they're Brits but OP reaaaally sounded like an old white posh Brit here. But even her posh dead fellow countrymen didn't check how light our ancestors were when fighting them to steal their antiquities and land, just sayin

it's not her fault she got a publishing deal and you didn't. be honest for a second, that is what you're mad about, isn't it? that she has a bigger megaphone than you right now.

Wow.. that's an assumption. Since the news broke out first in the publishing world, it's normal for some of the Greeks who called Underwood out to be writers themselves. But no Greek, including Greek writers, called her out because of jealousy. They did it because they were horrified by how little the prominently Anglophone western industry continues to care about actual Greek culture and people while profiting from it in the most inaccurate and dismissive way. Why do you think the drama blew out? Because it's not just a book, it's a treatment of Greece and Greece that's happening for damn centuries!

you lot make fun of poor brits way more than the people in power. funny British accents? working class accents. gross British food? poverty meals. it's punching down. admittedly, i have no clue what Sarah Underwood's finances were or are like, before or after she sold her book.

Her finances were good enough for her to get her hands on the Odyssey and call it things you just Don't call a foreign National Epic. Her financial situation is improved now, and I don't see her getting more culturally respectful or apologizing. And in 2023, the Odyssey with explanation and commentary is accessible to everyone. Even kids books and cartoons on national TV with simple language will give you a better understanding of the work, compared to what Underwood has.

And, how insidious of OP to use poor Brits (as she used non-White Greeks earlier) to prove a point, while in actuality she's shitting on them too! Does she really think poor Brits don't have the capacity to appreciate an Epic?? That cultural disrespect is a characteristic of poor people...??

Based on what I know about the mentality of people in the UK, if Brits with little education make these comments, they will be much more appreciative than Sarah Underwood, and they are more likely to also add "eh my education wasn't the best. I am sure it's a very important piece for the Greeks and for the whole world, since it's so ancient". The average low-income person seems to me much more grounded, and much less audacious when publicly saying negative stuff about our Epics. I think most people wouldn't even dare speak how Underwood spoke if they were aware - as they often are - their education was lacking.

You can usually tell when comments about the Greek Epics are made by people who didn't have privileges, compared to when they're made by people who had ample access to them and they just chose to be dicks. I'll take negative opinions from poor Brits on the street any time over Classics Student Pretentious Talk

[lunar-years]

Re: that ask about Jamie being a team player under Pep and your answer - it's actually not that new, referencing Pep, which is the weird part. The team notes from season 1, the stuff the writers gave Arlo White to make his "cheat sheets" for the season 1 finale match where Jamie makes that extra pass? They list Pep as the manager, and Ted and Jamie both mention him in their interviews in the episode as well. So when giving Jamie that extra pass moment, they did it with full concurrent awareness, in writing the season 1 finale, that Pep was Jamie's manager. Creating a fictional manager was never going to happen- Sudeikis is a big Pep fan, and obviously the show's production had to have struck up a good deal with Man City to feature them so much before they had rights to other teams, so they tend to show the team in a positive light even if they're Richmond's adversary. Anyway my point is, Pep as Jamie's coach isn't retrofitted or retroactive, rather, they knew Pep was Jamie's coach even when they had Jamie make that extra pass. So it IS a weird hole they've dug, because they're never going to claim Ted is a better coach than Pep (not only tactic wise but personally/how he treats players, he is beloved) but the implications of that about Jamie's career are very weird in that regard! But they've known it all along, and I can't imagine they don't consider the impact of it on Jamie given the way Sudeikis has talked about Pep before and also given how much backstory they've been said to have imagined, like how much Sudeikis apparently thinks about what informs all these characters. Theyve painted themselves into a corner where the text of the show confirms that Pep informs Jamie massively. Which I personally enjoy, but does detract from Ted's alleged influence on Jamie which I frankly have never massively cared about anyway. I much prefer Pep 😂. I do think they absolutely know Jamie was a small fish in a big pond at City and things changed for him at Richmond - he was top dog for the first time ever there, is what I think they were going for. But maybe we will learn more when they play City away.

Okay I know this was so not the point of your ask so sorry for the pivot lol but how on earth did the show convince the irl West Ham to agree to having their club portrayed on the show as the evil Rupert Mannion run Star Wars Death Star club ??? how do the West Ham fans feel about this? lmao.

To address your actual ask I just feel like they included Pep without thinking it through, because the narratives of what they're trying to do with Ted and what can be reasonably inferred about Jamie's backstory with Man City just are not adding up for me, lol. Definitely agree they're not going for "Ted is better than actual irl coaches," but they're certainly trying to portray that Ted was the exact right person for this particular group of guys at the particular time he landed in their lives. I do think they want us to believe there's something special about Ted that cultivated the team's success in a way other coaches couldn't have done in those particular circumstances of what Richmond was at that time. (And yeah it doesn't necessarily make much sense, but I just suspend my belief on that bit, because what about a goofy Kansas man with no prior knowledge of football and seemingly little desire to dig into it further leading a professional football team to victory does? )

wait edited to add: I also think you're 100% right about Jamie being a small fish in a big pond at City and things changing for him at Richmond in that it was the first time he was really in the position of being the best. Definitely!!! And that is such a good point. There were really excellent tags on a reblog of that last ask that were basically paralleling Jamie to Nate in that it's how you treat people who are powerless when you're in a position above them (whether that be actual authority or, like Jamie, just being the best player on the team) that is most telling.

[sonkitty]

Crowley S2 Hair Post #6

Crowley, Good Omens 2, Episode 1, The Arrival, being in the coffee shop

This post was last edited 12/11/2023, and I edited it A LOT, sorry.

This scene! I love it!

What do we learn about the sideburns?

They are still short though the left one actually looks more pointy due to how Crowley angles his head when he says, "Not even at gunpoint." So silly.

Is the brighter red streak visible?

Yes. The above image is brighter and more saturated than the first with white rectangles indicating the streak where I see it.

Is the hairstyle different from the present day Crowley scene before it?

Did the scene even change? It could have changed when he passed through the door, or passed by Aziraphale's head or in the extremely suspicious cut that includes the Today's Special sign. Well, maybe it didn't change because after close examination, yeah, that shape looks the same to me, looking at it from multiple angles; it's the lighting that's different.

Additional Notes:

Crowley's right side is notably cast in shadow for this scene.

The hair is the same as outside, but the lighting is significantly different, making the hair seem more different in turn.

Non-hair stuff:

Nina and/or the coffee shop do seem a little special. The Today's Special sign shows up instantly in her handwriting after Crowley sits down. When Crowley's about to shoot lightning later, a lamp by her starts shaking as if to alert her attention to what's happening. When she receives break-up texts from Lindsay, they appear on Nina's own chalkboard for the shop. She erases them with zero awareness or acknowledgment that…that's unusual for a human reality yet she is very much aware that the ball is weird. No one ever pays for coffee even though her shop has prices. Admittedly, that seems to be a possible general present day issue. Nina's the only human to initiate contact with Crowley when Crowley's alone in the street and not in the bookshop (even in the bookshop, Maggie deliberately takes Nina with her).

After Aziraphale gives Nina Crowley's name, Crowley smiles an adorably proud little smile and says, "Charmed". I used to think that meant something like maybe Nina is a witch, and maybe she doesn't even know it.

I'm learning more toward something else. I don't expect the story to ever confirm the following. I have this theory that a lot of people don't actually notice Crowley unless he talks or does something that would allow them to notice. Nina is "charmed" because she is the only human to receive Crowley's name through an introduction by Aziraphale. Other humans will overhear it at the ball in episode 5, but that's not the same as being introduced.

This introduction is going to allow Nina to notice Crowley more than most other humans do. Charmed as she may or may not be, she never actually uses his name and will address him by his coffee order, being struck by lightning, or mostly just plain "you".

Nonetheless, Nina is the closest thing, in my opinion, Crowley will have to a human friend by the end of the season.

The blocking in this scene is staged such that during the actual ordering of the coffee, Nina will look at the blurred versions of Crowley and Aziraphale, not at the same time, just when she speaks to one or the other. They will be looking at space where she is presumed to be, but she will not be in the actual shot, not even blurred.

It looks like she's checking Crowley out as she leaves the table (imo).

There's a point where it looks like Blurred Crowley mouths something to a presumed unseen Aziraphale.

Tag: crowley s2 hair project

Crowley S2 Hair Project - Main Point of Reference for Sideburns

Crowley S2 Hair Post #10 (angry lightning walk)

[eladcmir]

Holding on too tight, Head up in the clouds,

Heaven only knows Where you are now

trigger warning: death, poisoning, murder, a corpse

Truthfully, Ela doesn't remember the last time she lingered at an event for this long. Beyond those that catered to her career, she was as fleeting as a summer monarch, flitting from one flower to the next. Trying to find the next one to keep her going. The reason why she lingers that little bit longer here comes only in the desire to see something good come of an otherwise messy situation, in a town that seemed to only know dread. Regardless of the things the shadow had most recently brought to light, Ela has spent all this time trying to reconcile any distrust she holds for Ana - she knows all too easily how such things can be skewed to magnify the woman as the bad guy; then again, she's also more than aware that Nico always made choices to suit him, and nobody else.

It was only in watching the strength that Max portrayed as he joined the mother of his child in an effort to start the gift opening that she circled back to the unyielding optimism she tried to carry with her. The pair would make great parents, no matter which path they took from this point forward. The fact that any of them were there, was a testament to how they clearly knew that what was most important was the baby. She only hoped that Max wouldn't have to sacrifice anything within him to give their girl the best life possible.

It felt akin to looking through a window, at a family that would be, picking apart each accumulated vision of what their life would be like. Happy - she prayed, someone in this town certainly ought to be. Differences could be put aside, and time certainly offered to heal all wounds. A transcending thought which pulled doe hues from the soon-to-be-parents to Austin. When exactly would those wounds heal? An ache that had simply twisted itself up inside her and chose never to ease. The same happiness she wished upon Ana, Max and their child; while her own was wasted upon a man who didn't want her.

The murmur of voices as gifts are opened and swooned over gives her a momentary reprieve. The white noise seeks to drown even her most callous thoughts within its depth; she stays here because it's easy to pretend life in Hidehill is normal with the promise of new life on the horizon. Too many, has she tried to save and failed. Failure. It struck her in waves, one after the other until her lungs could barely take another.

But all too soon, she's swept up in murky depths again.

The harrowing scream is one she knows all too well. It echoes the halls of the emergency department - patient rooms and hallways forever soaking in the sound that pierces her heart each and every time. The same one that follows her home and hides within every shadow she can't quite brighten. Before she knows it, she's moving forwards. Pushing her way through those that seek to stand in curiosity - it's one of the most instinctive things a human being can do. Eat; breathe - and beckon themselves towards death.

"Get out of my way, Max." She states with the same authority and temperament the hospital staff know her for. It was something she'd built herself upon since the day she could make any given choice for herself. She'd sworn an oath, and Ela had refused to allow anyone to stand in her way.

Help people - save as many as you can.

A toll, that strikes Ela with brutal force at such familiar features staring blankly up at her now. Her chest implodes and where air should have filled her lungs, something far heavier finds its way in. It's excruciating and this time, she can't simply push it down so easily. Seconds pass; too many beats of her own heart to count as she struggles with what lies before her. "Give me some damn space," uttered as others try to crowd their way in as she reaches for a pulse point.

Fingertips find nothing but ice, and she swears she's never felt anything so cold to the touch. It burns away at her skin and were she ever to recount the moment to anyone, she'd tell them that it spread. The chill of death climbed its way into her flesh and froze everything within her, one little piece at a time. "Nico? Nico, come on." No longer is she crouched down in Ana's living room, her mind drags her back to the Trauma floor. Everything is sterilized and cold, and with each detail that floods her mind, Ela works to find something within him that hasn't quite left her yet. "Nico?" Yet hues that stare back at her hold nothing but a never-ending abyss and no matter what she does, she knows he's already gone. "Don't do this to me.."

Frantic hands continue to search for vitals and Ela remains entirely ignorant to the hands that reach for her now. All she needs is the faintest of heartbeats, the twitch of his lip as he struggles to draw air into his lungs. All she knows, is when it felt as if everything within her had died - when Austin left and her whole world left with him, the man lying before her remained the only one to find each tiny sign of life within her. When heartbreak brought her to her goddamn knees, Nico remained the only constant. She owed him her life.

"Ela, please.. he's gone." A hand snapped back to push away those that made an attempt to draw her away. How could she give up like this? How could she not do everything possible to wake him up? That was all she had to do - wake him up. As if nothing could truly keep Nico from another day.

"Help me with her, please. She.. - she shouldn't be seeing him like this."

There was no struggling against it this time, even as her hand grips tightly to Nico's in further refusal, "No.. no, stop. I can wake him up." The heated prickle in her eyes as tears flowed freely sparked something else within her; something otherwise unreachable. It was one thing that too many who followed the same path as her, suffered from. All trained and skilled with the ability to change what could otherwise be inevitable; only to meet a brick wall of loathing and hopelessness when even that was never enough. "I can wake him up." Her scream ripples through the room as something ungodly, as if someone had torn an entire limb from her body. The same one that is now drawn from the ground, lifted from the place beside the box the man she considered a brother, lay dead within.

"No..-- no, don't.. Nico!" It rattled her very soul, the depth of reality sinking in like sharpened blades, one after the other. Each moment would never come to fruition from this day forward. Each smile she'd never see, laugh she'd never hear and comfort that would never envelop her with the warmth that he'd always promised her. Never would she read another late-night text about the next questionable choice he'd made -never would he force her to take the time she needed when life snowballed far too much for her to handle. "Someone wake him up!" Why was everyone just standing around? Staring? Why wasn't anyone else doing anything? It boiled rage and anger and mottled it together with the ache in her chest convincing her that she'd never feel anything other than the acidic burn of disbelief that etched itself into her skeletal form.

The piercing screech of sirens can be heard from streets away and the sound alone swallows her whole until it's the only thing she can hear beyond her own heartbeat. No longer does she hear her own screaming, the words of those around her trying to soothe her within their embrace. The fresh chill in the air as she's half dragged, half carried outside doesn't touch her. Everything within her is already frozen and burnt. There's weakness in her knees and the pit of her stomach has dropped out of her almost entirely. She buckles, given the opportunity to stand on her own and falls into an embrace she doesn't know. One that doesn't reach her as the one that now slips through her fingers. Ela knows she'll never feel the same comfort as that which Nico gave her - she'll never feel that warmth.

Already, she knows nothing is right. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone.

And nothing will ever be the same again.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Chains of Evidence

I have a tendency to insist that any communication I have with my colleagues and managers in the workspace happens via email, especially these days. Now, ostensibly it’s because I want an accurate record I can go back to if I need to flag anything up, to myself as well as others. If I need to refer back to when someone said something, I can. And this is entirely true and fair. But I am so absolutely adamant about it now, where I wouldn’t necessarily have been in other jobs, can be summed up in two words:

Scruffman lies.

Now, granted, a lot of that is lying to himself. I think he feels he has to because he’s been thrown into his current managerial position and has issues with asking for help, support or ... like, anything resembling training. So he covers up his deficiencies - in his own mind as well as to Head Honcho and the rest of us - with lies. To give you a for-instance, when I had to leave work early on Friday because of the absolute agony, I flagged up in passing that I had clearly been pushing too hard because of how understaffed we are at the moment. I mean, we’re down three members of staff right now! Sid just walked out, Sunshine left for another job, and another staffer’s been off sick for over a month now. Half the admin staff are gone. That qualifies in anyone’s books as understaffed.

And you know what he said in his reply email? “Well, we’re not really understaffed...”

He blanked Sid entirely - from “We’re advertising for her position”, it’s now like she was never even here. He’s now saying they’re advertising for Sunshine’s position (which they should have been doing before she left, but never mind). He insists that the staffer who’s been off sick will be back soon, but we don’t have any date yet. And if I sound dubious about this? That would be because his email mentioned a staffer I hadn’t even heard of - who I will call Mama Bear because she’s apparently on maternity leave and will be back soon.

(Of course, then I found out from Temp that apparently Mama Bear was supposed to be back from maternity leave two weeks ago, at least according to Scruffman, so fuck if I have any idea what’s going on with that.)

Anyway, point being that he lined up all the reasons that we might be understaffed for the foreseeable immediately after saying that we’re not really. He said, “But I get it” and I’m really not sure he does. It doesn’t fucking matter if we’re appropriately staffed on paper if no one is doing the work. We have more work than we did, with fewer admins than we had, and that is the textbook definition of understaffed. It doesn’t matter if “people will be back any time now” if that time is not actually now.

I’m aware of how annoyed I sound about this. I think I have every right to be. Thing is, however hard he might be lying about our staffing levels being sufficient, Scruffman does know that he can’t afford to lose any more, particularly not me. I may sound boastful when I say this, but it’s been proven to me to be true more times than I can deny. I work hard, fast, and well, and I work well without supervision. Which is more than anyone can say for most of my colleagues, who stop working and start talking the minute Scruffman leaves the office. Which he did today, and ... yeah...

It started up with some vaguely racist-sounding bullshit about various parts of London, mostly from Temp, who’s of mixed ethnicity but only ever seems to play the “I’m Black” card when saying something that I feel might be offensive but can’t be sure because I am mega-super-ultra-white. I mean, should someone who’s never lived in a largely Black neighbourhood or even been in one beyond driving through it (likely with the windows up and doors locked) call said Black neighbourhood a ‘ghetto’? I mean, I wouldn’t call Peckham a ‘ghetto’; it’s a pretty dilapidated area at the moment, but it’s a Labour-held area and the Tories have been short-changing Labour constituencies harder every year since Cameron hit us all with the austerity stick in 2012. Also ... again, I’m too white to know if this is a thing, but ... if an area is proud enough of its ethnic makeup for that to be really obvious - in its family-run businesses, in the clothes people are wearing, all of that? Is it okay to just dismiss that whole area as ‘Black’ or ‘a ghetto’ just because you’re Black or one of your parents is Black? Is that a thing? I don’t know if it can be racist, but it feels dismissive to me in a really horrible way that I’m having a hard time explaining. It’s like ... some people call themselves colour-blind and insist they don’t see colour (actually, Temp says that a lot), and that’s the way in which it feels dismissive, you know? Like, no, the amount of melanin in someone’s skin doesn’t matter, but the ethnic heritage to which they were born does, especially if that someone says it matters to them. When you get a lot of people walking around the streets of their borough of London in Ghanaian or Nigerian or Filipino clothing (and they do in Peckham, a lot) ... then you get the feeling like their heritage matters and should be respected, not shrugged off as ‘ghetto’ and “stay away from there; there are gangs”. I don’t think being Black is a free pass to say that. Seriously, I want to know if I’m wrong.

Anyway, leaving that attempt on my part to walk the line between “interest in and sensitivity to people’s expression of their ethnic and cultural heritage” and “White Saviour Bullshit”, I noped out of that conversation as soon as I decently could but still had to listen to Goblin lambast Temp about not just moving on to another short-term temp assignment until she found something “worthy of her” when Temp was having the same view on it as most of us are having - “I have a job and it is regular money and reasonably secure and I am tired and stressed and the economy is FUCKED so I’m not going out into that uncertainty thank you” - and that just ate the last hour of the day. I felt bad for Temp but godsdamnit, one of us was going to get some work done and if Temp couldn’t just turn back to her computer and get back to work (and she couldn’t have without being rude - Goblin was starting to yell when Temp didn’t seem to be paying enough attention to Goblin’s “sage advice”), it had to be me.

All of that to say that since I’m the one who can most be relied upon to work without supervision, and given the state I was in last week, we’ve now pushed the work from home thing to the point where we’re talking about whether I can come in for one day a week and whether I want my hours to change, and email confirmation that those last things are being set up on the laptop I was provided. Scruffman made sure I was in on that email chain because he knows I like my chains of evidence, so at least he was good enough to provide that. It’s still fairly early days, but since I have IT saying that things are almost ready to go, that’s much better than I was doing last week. I’m thinking same hours to start with, come in later in the week when we tend not to have as many staff in (we have a part-timer who comes in on Mondays and Fridays, so I reckon Thursdays will be the day), and see how we go from there. Work from home is nearly go ... but I’m not celebrating until I have that laptop in my hands.

A very long-winded way of saying “We finally have some movement on the work from home thing!”, perhaps, but today was weird on a number of levels and I still hurt. I booked the last week of September off becuase I think I can hold together another couple of weeks but not more than that; I need a reasonably long break. And if I’m going to have that time off, I’d rather it not be immediately after QE2′s funeral. The city’s already heaving with tourists and I might actually want to go out and do something that week. It’ll be payday week, y’see, and I need a haircut because I am starting to look like a briard, and I might actually like to go to an actual fruit-and-veg market. (Also it means I can get groceries delivered whenever because I will be home, and can cook all the things in advance.)

...I just overthink everything, don’t I?

[dowhatteverer]

Please do tell us more about your Stuck in Atlas AU! How did Ruby get to Atlas? Does that mean that Yang is recovering in Patch? Does Taiyang know Ruby’s in Atlas? Do Ruby and Pyrrha interact with Weiss? The rest of the Schnees? Do they see Penny being rebuilt? IS Penny being rebuilt? What is happening to Blake and the rest of Team JNPR? I’m sorry if it’s too many questions, I just really like your AU, even if I’ve read only snippets of it!

Thank you so much! I'll do my best to answer all of your questions!

How did Ruby get to Atlas?

Ironwood, Qrow, and Glynda saw Ruby's eyes go off on the tower. Qrow went to look and found Pyrrha holding Ruby's unconscious body, and Jaune's armor laying in a pile. After he called a ship to bring them down, it was decided (much to his dismay) that Ironwood should take both girls to Atlas for safe keeping.

Does that mean Yang is still recovering in patch?

Yes! She, Ren, and Nora are currently living with Taiyang while Yang is dealing with her PTSD.

Does Taiyang know Ruby's in Atlas?

Yes, with his permission Ruby was taken to Atlas to protect her. He was sad to see her go, but he was aware of her silver eyes making her target and thought it would be better to be away from his daughter than to lose her like he lost his wife.

Do Ruby and Pyrrha interact with Weiss?

They try to, but Jacques keeps Weiss and Whiteley separated from the rest of the world and only allows them to interact with people during parties. It's easier to control them that way. Ironwood does pass messages from them to Weiss and Vice versa when he has to visit Schnee manor.

The rest of the Schnees?

I think you're asking me if they interact with the rest of the Schnees, and they do occasionally. They end up having to see Jacques a lot because Ironwood has to work with him to fund the military, and they do not like him at all. He gives off spiteful mean girl vibes. They will interact with Whiteley sometimes when they get to interact with Weiss. Ruby calls him boy-Weiss.

EDIT: I forgot to talk about Winter! They don't get to talk to her at first because she's still in Mistral, but when she goes back to Atlas they end up talking to her a lot.

Do they see Penny being rebuilt IS Penny being rebuilt?

Penny is being rebuilt, but Ironwood is keeping it a secret from the girls because it's not going very well and he doesn't want to get their hopes up. All three of them were very affected by Penny's death and are dealing with it in different ways.

What happened to Blake and the rest of Team JNPR

I already said that Ren and Nora are living in Patch with Yang for the time being. All of them are trying to deal with their trauma from Beacon. Nora is the one with the most drive to get better and leave. I kind of want to explore Nora as the leader of a team just because putting a character like Nora in charge of people would be a really cool way to develop her character and put in different situations.

Blake and Sun are actively Hunting down the White Fang. Blake wants to know what would compel a group that has historically only attacked Faunus exploitative or exclusions businesses would suddenly work with human terrorists to take down a city full of innocent people, including faunus. As you can see I've changed Blake's backstory a bit and the white fang.

Thank you so much for being interested in my AU! Feel free to send me more questions if you want!

[cto10121]

Twilight Meta Review—Chapter 3-4

In which Edward saves Bella from the van and reveals himself some more, Bella demands an explanation and Edward refuses it. They don’t speak for a month until Edward gets the jellies from Mike Newton, of all people, and decides f*ck it, Imma just fuck around and find out. Instalove, clearly. Spoilers, of course.

Chapter 3: Love At First Fight

I threw down a quick bowl of cereal and some orange juice from the carton. I felt excited to go to school, and that scared me. I knew it wasn’t the stimulating learning environment I was anticipating, or seeing my new set of friends. If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was eager to get to school because I would see Edward Cullen. And that was very, very stupid. (p. 54)

Bella is so self-aware it’s not even funny. It’s actually kind of great. Remind me again why she is somehow an awful character? In any case, she does feel embarrassed at her obvious infatuation.

I was well aware that my league and his league were spheres that did not touch.

The class-boundaries theme begins its smooth cha-cha slide into consciousness, I see. Lion and the lamb, May-December romance. And of course, Bella is obviously working class white to Edward’s posh white. Classic.

I was sure I looked the same as I had in Phoenix. Maybe it was just that the boys back home had watched me pass slowly through all the awkward phases of adolescence and still thought of me that way. Perhaps it was because I was a novelty here, where novelties were few and far between. Possibly my crippling clumsiness was seen as endearing rather than pathetic, casting me as the damsel in distress. (p. 55)

I’m going for novelty. Small town life is very much Like That. Bella is obviously conventionally attractive and sweet and that’s enough for most guys. In any case, I like how Bella is just so unimpressed and even annoyed at all the attention. She doesn’t fawn over just any guy who pays her attention, which is of course the point. Even Mike annoys her the moment he shows any romantic interest in her. All throughout the book she tries to set him up with Jessica instead.

There were thin chains crisscrossed in diamond shapes around them. Charlie had gotten up who knows how early to put snow chains on my truck. My throat felt suddenly tight. I wasn’t used to being taken care of, and Charlie’s unspoken concern caught me by surprise. (p. 55)

I wish they had kept this in the movie instead of the staring contest between Edward and Bella, if only because Charlie is just…truly lovely. And once again, there is Bella’s neglect by her mother.

Just before I heard the shattering crunch of the van folding around the truck bed, something hit me, hard, but not from the direction I was expecting. (p. 56)

This whole van sequence is written a little confusingly, but it give some ambiguity as to exactly what happened. In the movie, it’s just…Edward leaps and stops the van, they stare at each other and he just…leaps out. Instead of an almost ghost-like Edward setting up a plausible scene and Bella very confusingly registering everything.

“Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way.” He unleashed the full, devastating power of his eyes on me, as if trying to communicate something crucial.

“No.” I set my jaw.

Bella is so spineless, isn’t she? Just look at the way she just accepts her crush’s lies without argument. The anti hate dumb is really intense in this one. I’m blaming the movie writing on this.

The gold in his eyes blazed. “Please, Bella.”

“Why?” I demanded.

“Trust me,” he pleaded, his soft voice overwhelming.

I could hear the sirens now. “Will you promise to explain everything to me later?”

“Fine,” he snapped, abruptly exasperated.

“Fine,” I repeated angrily.

Their first lovers’ tiff Their first argument is perhaps the only true one. Of course Edward isn’t going to reveal his vampirism to a human—it isn’t even his secret to tell. He is risking *Alan Rickman voice* the exposure of their world. But Bella has seen too much, alas, and notices too much. Beforehand she had noticed the change in Edward’s eye color and his strength. This is yet another piece in the mystery puzzle, which the movie adaptation just simply yeets out the window.

In any case, at the hospital Bella asks Edward directly for his promised explanation. It goes about as well as you’d think.

“I saved your life—I don’t owe you anything.”

I flinched back from the resentment in his voice. “You promised.”

“Bella, you hit your head, you don’t know what you are talking about.” His tone was cutting.

My temper flared now, and I glared defiantly at him. “There is nothing wrong with my head.”

This is so much better and more interesting than the movie version it hurts. Bella is like a dog with a bone here and Edward is somehow unable to convince her of his lies. Hell, he almost doesn’t even try. Since we are shown that he is usually good at persuasion, it shows that his weak spot is Bella.

I’m guessing the film adaptation didn’t like Edward’s assholery here and so toned it way down, but his anger 1) fits his character and 2) is definitely not because of Bella. It’s all directed at himself, for his weakness in exposing himself and his family to danger—he admits it explicitly later on in the book. It’s also confirmed in Midnight Sun. Bella doesn’t know all this baggage, though, but she still picks up a very distorted version of the truth—that he regrets saving her.

We scowled at each other in silence. […] I was so angry, it took me a few minutes until I could move. When I could walk, I made my way slowly to the exit at the end of the hallway. (p. 65)

A gentle but firm reminder that Bella has a temper. She internalizes it, however, as women are taught to do. Would have been nice for Stewart to have been directed to show that anger.

That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen.

Nothing like saving your life and behaving like an asshole to stir up the hormones.

Chapter 4: Bella and Edward Don’t Speak For A Month

Yep. A whole month.

The month that followed the accident was uneasy, tense, and, at first, embarrassing. (p. 68)

Bella’s and Edward’s relationship is clearly moving too quickly. One awkward conversation, then a life-saving incident, then a full-on argument in which they don’t speak for a month. Instalove, clearly.

Yes, Bella is hot for him and is already dreaming about him like the simp she is, but that doesn’t mean she is just going to roll over at his say-so. And Edward is still clearly in fervent denial about his fascination with her. That won’t last, of course.

I wondered to myself why no one else had seen him standing so far away, before he was suddenly, impossibly saving my life. With chagrin, I realized the probable cause—no one was as aware of Edward as I always was. No one else watched him the way I did. How pitiful.

Bella knows she is in horny jail and deserves it. Look at her wearing the makeup of clownery with ironic ruefulness. Juliet Capulet somewhere is smiling in knowing recognition. I approve.

Mike, at least, was pleased by the obvious coolness between me and my lab partner. I could see he’d been worried that Edward’s daring rescue might have impressed me, and he was relieved that it seemed to have the opposite effect. (p. 71)

It’s a nice reversal, to be sure. In fact, that incident was definitely a one-step-forward-two-steps-back kind of deal. Meyer is breaking a pretty bad trope-cliché with this one, and she deserves credit for that.

I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers to my temples, trying to push the guilt and sympathy out of my head. […] And Edward was staring at me curiously, that same, familiar edge of frustration even more distinct now in his black eyes.

Edward-senpai noticed her!!!! And all thanks to Mike. Yes, Mike fucking Newton was literally the catalyst for Edward talking to Bella again. It’s Edward’s turn for the clown makeup.

I couldn’t believe the rush of emotion pulsing through me—just because he’d happened to look at me for the first time in a half-dozen weeks. I couldn’t allow him this level of influence over me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy. (p. 74)

Bella is so smart she anticipated her own anti hate dumb. What clairvoyance. Move over, Alice.

“I’m sorry.” He sounded sincere. “I’m being very rude, I know. But it’s better this way, really.”

I opened my eyes. His face was very serious.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, my voice guarded.

“It’s better if we’re not friends,” he explained. “Trust me.”

At least Edward apologized. That’s something. (Did he in the movie adaptation? I don’t remember). But of course Bella believes that Edward is regretting saving her, which of course angers him. And thus Fight #2.

I mean to sweep dramatically out of the room, but of course I caught the toe of my boot on the doorjamb and dropped my books. I stood there for a moment, thinking about leaving them. Then I sighed and bent to pick them up. He was there; he’d already stacked them into a pile. He handed them to me, his face hard.

“Thank you,” I said icily.

His eyes narrowed.

“You’re welcome,” he retorted.

Now KISS.

(Bonus: A Troll!Edward moment I love: Letting Tyler Crowley ask Bella to the prom by blocking Bella’s way.

In his rearview mirror, Edward’s eyes were on me. He was unquestionably shaking with laughter, as if he’d heard every word Tyler had said. My foot itched toward the gas pedal…one little bump wouldn’t hurt any of them, just the glossy silver paint job. I revved the engine.

Why couldn’t we have this in the movie adaptation instead of the horrible comic relief? Bella and Edward can be really hilarious together if you just let their personalities shine. Okay, now back to the show.)

“Bella, it’s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant.” His voice was quiet as usual—velvet, muted.

Ooh, below the belt. And so untrue it’s clownish. But notice that he said if—also, he may still be trying to keep to his I-was-right-next-to-you fib. But Edward is in a lighter mood today and he has just asked Bella if she would like a ride to Seattle. Like the cuttease he is.

“It would be more…prudent for you not to be my friend,” he explained. “But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella.”

His eyes were gloriously intense as he uttered that last sentence, his voice smoldering. I couldn’t remember how to breathe. (p. 84)

Really? In front of my salad?

[mojput-mypath]

4 points - 1 conclusion

Time to return to the black on white. 1 I am experiencing burnout. 2 Too many close people to me have died or are unwell. 3 I am dog sitting. 4 The guru heals. 1 What does burnout look like? It varies for different people. It's like constantly pushing yourself, feeling completely off, realising your health is deteriorating, being unable to think clearly, and becoming aggressive or passive or both simultaneously. And not being able to put a stop to it. I have recently emerged from an 18-year astrological period, known as Rahu (for those familiar with astrology). Most recently, the ending periods of Rahu-Moon and Rahu-Mars. I was told these periods would be challenging, but what's truly difficult is having gone through all that hardship and now having to bear the consequences. I literally "woke up" the day I entered the next significant (16-year) period of Jupiter. The realisation of how much I have exhausted my mind, body, emotions, and soul has dawned on me. As Gurudev says, once you hit the brakes, it takes some time to get the vehicle to come to a halt. I am bracing for the final coming-to-a-stop moment. My burnout was accompanied by an inflamed occipital nerve, most probably triggered by the nerve’s compression in the neck, as well as exposure to heat and then cold wind (Yes! A breeze can be dangerous). Very interestingly, every time I saw a request of any sort on my screen, the nerve would break out into searing pain throughout my head. I tried to ignore it. Then I tried to numb it out with painkillers and still continued to be active. Eventually, there was nothing more I could do but rest. Do nothing much. Take a break. It was tough, really. The brakes are still squeaking, and I am not able to get to a complete stop. I’m getting there, and I am really beautifully supported by my environment at home, work, and my spiritual family. I feel supported. 2 People die all the time. Yes, people die every second and are born every second or less. When someone dear passes away, something is pierced inside. A huge hole is created. As the expression goes, only time will heal. Ever since my father passed away, I have been handling other people’s death as a much greater burden. I have also realised the importance of support for those who have lost a loved one, a dear and near one. I have lost two people in the last few weeks, and one is still in an unknown state, unchanged. This has and will continue to keep me aware of the shortness of our time here on earth, of how there is no moment like the present. Yet, nothing seems to ease the pain, other than the passage of time. In that time, there are unbearable moments, and then they become bearable again. The awareness of those not with us anymore is almost constant. I have been actively aware of the ease of our life ending. Constantly. It gives me pain, and I know this pain is only human and quite unreasonable, yet it is real. I say unreasonable because I believe that people’s souls are freed from life in the body. I have myself, in unusual circumstances, had the experience of feeling restricted by my own body. I am guessing people who have bodily impediments can speak the most on this.

I do feel supported on my life journey. Krishna explains to Arjuna that death is inevitable for all living beings and that the soul is eternal and indestructible. 3 Cute little doggies. I have had a new experience in my life. I was asked to take care of a puppy for a few days and have the experience of dog minding in my daily life. As I found it exhausting, I have also found it mesmerising. I have never had a dog in my life and had a faint wish that I would like to have one someday, but I have not fully understood all the fuss about having a dog. After spending 2 weeks with a 3-month super intelligent and kind baby dog, I fell in love. (I fell in love after the 2nd day). I have grown to care about the pup and have found it very difficult to part from it. I have been mulling over the pros and cons of having a dog for 2 months now and still have not fully been able to make a final decision. I have made a 50% decision and am waiting for the next 50% to find its own way to me. I have a pup in mind, but I also have a little more time to make it final. A big responsibility, a huge reward.

Whatever I decide, I feel supported. 4 The guru heals. Going back to square 1. After going on sick leave, dog minding, and then taking some rest, all this has been too short of a time to come back to normal. What is normal anyhow? Normal would be not feeling overly exhausted, challenged, angry, sad… Not feeling overly anything. I travelled 1,400km in a day (by car and plane) to see my dear Guru for a day and a half. Halfway there, I wondered, is this complete insanity? Why, in the middle of a burnout, would I travel 1,400km to see someone? The answer came. I spent a day and a half resting and spending time in meditation and in His presence. On the second day, I felt rested and refreshed, like I have not been in months. I had an enormous amount of energy, and the ability to tackle challenges came back to some extent. I will have to continue to heal, rest, and balance my work-rest libra. This is the best possible start I could have had. If you have the opportunity, and even if you don’t – make one, to come and see him at least once in your lifetime. Experiencing the presence of an enlightened living Master is rare and unusual in every period. Don’t miss this one; it might take a while until another like him walks this earth.

With Him, I feel supported, by nature, by God. ______________________________________________________________ HRVATSKI PRIJEVOD 

Vrijeme je za povratak crnog na bijelo.

1 Iscrpljenost. 2 Previše dragih ljudi je umrlo ili se ne oporavlja. 3 Čuvanje psa. 4 Guru iscjeljuje. 1 Kako izgleda prevelika iscrpljenost? Različito kod različitih ljudi. To je poput konstantnog guranja sebe, osjećaja potpune neravnoteže, shvaćanja da ti se zdravlje pogoršava, nemogućnosti jasnog razmišljanja. Ponašanje koje postaje agresivno ili pasivno, ili oboje istovremeno. I nemogućnosti zaustavljanja. Nedavno sam izašla iz 18-godišnjeg astrološkog razdoblja poznatog kao Rahu (za one upućene u astrologiju). Posljednji dio tog razdoblja bilo je Rahu-Mjesec i Rahu-Mars. Rečeno mi je da će ta razdoblja biti izazovna, ali ono što je zaista teško je proći kroz sve te teškoće i sada snositi posljedice. Doslovno sam se "probudila" onog dana kada sam ušla u sljedeće značajno (16-godišnje) razdoblje Jupitera. Shvatila sam koliko sam iscrpila svoj um, tijelo, emocije i dušu. Kao što Gurudev kaže, kada pritisnete kočnicu, treba neko vrijeme da vozilo zaustavi. Pripremam se za konačni trenutak zaustavljanja. Mojoj iscrpljenosti pridružuje se upaljeni okcipitalni živac, najvjerojatnije izazvan kompresijom živca u vratu, kao i izlaganjem toplini, a zatim hladnom vjetru (da! i propuh može biti opasan). Vrlo zanimljivo, svaki put kad bih vidjela bilo kakav zahtjev na svom ekranu, bol živca bi mi sijevnula po cijeloj glavi. Pokušala sam to ignorirati. Zatim sam pokušala to otupiti analgeticima i i dalje bila aktivna. Na kraju, nije mi preostalo ništa drugo nego odmoriti se. Ne raditi puno. Napraviti pauzu. Bilo je teško, stvarno teško. Kočnice još uvijek škripe i nisam u mogućnosti potpuno stati. Približavam se tome, i zaista imam predivnu podršku svoje okoline kod kuće, na poslu i od svoje duhovne obitelji.

Osjećam se podržano. 2 Ljudi umiru cijelo vrijeme. Da, ljudi umiru svake sekunde, a svake sekunde ili manje se rađaju. Kada draga osoba premine, nešto se dogodi unutar nas. Stvara se velika praznina. Kao što kaže izreka, samo vrijeme liječi. Otkako je tata preminuo, smrt drugih ljudi doživljavam kao još veći teret. Shvatila sam i važnost podrške za one koji su izgubili voljenu osobu, dragu i blisku. U posljednjih nekoliko tjedana izgubila sam dvije osobe, a jedna se još uvijek nalazi u nepromijenjenom stanju. To me čini svjesnom kratkoće našeg vremena ovdje na Zemlji, kako nema trenutka poput sadašnjeg. Ipak, ništa ne čini bol manjom osim prolaska vremena. U tom vremenu postoje trenuci koje je teško podnijeti, a zatim postaju podnošljivi. Svjesnost o onima koji više nisu s nama gotovo je konstantna. Aktivno sam svjesna koliko je naš život krhak. Konstantno. To mi stvara bol, i znam da je ta bol samo ljudska i prilično nerazumna, ali je stvarna. Kažem nerazumna jer vjerujem da se duše oslobađaju tijela nakon smrti. Sama sam, u neobičnim okolnostima, imala iskustvo osjećaja ograničenosti vlastitim tijelom. Pretpostavljam da ljudi koji imaju tjelesne poteškoće mogu najbolje govoriti o tome.

Unatoč svemu, osjećam se podržano. Krishna objašnjava Arjuni da je smrt neizbježna za sva živa bića i da je duša vječna i neuništiva. 3 Slatki psići. Imam novo iskustvo u svom životu. Zamoljena sam da se brinem o štencu nekoliko dana i da iskusim brigu o psu u svojoj svakodnevici. Istovremeno mi je bilo iscrpljujuće, a istovremeno sam bila očarana. Nikada nisam imala psa u životu i imala sam želju da ga jednog dana imam. Nisam u potpunosti razumjela uzbuđenje drugih oko posjedovanja pasa. Nakon što sam provela 2 tjedna s 3-mjeseca starim, izuzetno inteligentnim i ljubaznim štencem, zaljubila sam se. (Zaljubila sam se nakon 2. dana). Počela sam brinuti o štencu i jako mi je bilo teško rastati se od njega. Već 2 mjeseca razmišljam o prednostima i nedostacima posjedovanja psa, ali još nisam donijela konačnu odluku. Donijela sam 50% odluke i čekam da idućih 50% nađe svoj put do mene. Imam štene na umu, ali još imam malo vremena da to konačno odlučim. Velika odgovornost, velika nagrada.

Štogod odlučim, ili bude odlučeno za mene, osjećam se podržano. 4 Guru iscjeljuje. Povratak na početak. Nakon bolovanja, brige o psu i odmora, sve to je bilo prekratko vrijeme da se vratim u normalu. Što je uopće normalno? Normalno bi bilo ne osjećati se prekomjerno iscrpljeno, izazvano, ljuto, tužno... Ne osjećati ništa prekomjerno. Putovala sam 1.400 km u jednom danu (autom i avionom) kako bih vidjela svog dragog Gurua na dan i pol. Na pola puta sam se zapitala, je li ovo potpuno ludilo? Zašto bih usred perioda iscrpljenosti putovala 1.400 km da bih vidjela nekog? Odgovor je došao. Provela sam dan i pol odmarajući se, provodeći vrijeme u meditaciji i u Njegovoj prisutnosti. Drugog dana osjećala sam se odmorno i osvježeno, kako da nisam bila mjesecima. Imala sam ogromnu količinu energije, a sposobnost suočavanja s izazovima se djelomično vratila. Naravno, morat ću nastaviti s iscijeljivanjem, odmorom i ravnotežom između posla i odmora. Ovo je najbolji mogući način da započnem put odmora i iscjeljenja. Ako imate priliku, i čak i ako je nemate - stvorite je, dođite i upoznajte ga barem jednom u životu. Iskusiti prisutnost prosvijetljenog živućeg Učitelja je rijetko i neobično u svakom periodu. Ne propusti ovu priliku, možda će proći dugo vremena dok netko kao On kroči ovom zemljom.

Najviše se osjećam podržano kad sam s Njim, od prirode, od boga.

[rookie-critic]

Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody (2022, dir. Kasi Lemmons) - review by Rookie-Critic

Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody plays out like more of a Wikipedia page than an actual movie. This is an issue I have with almost all of these recent "movies about music artists where the name of the movie is just the name of one of their most famous songs" that have come out over the past few years. They're always pretty long and move at such a breakneck pace that nothing ever feels like it means anything. We're never in any one place long enough to get anything real out of these films. Large swaths of time are just skipped over entirely, with entire years getting passed up in between most scenes. I appreciate that the film wants to give an overview of the entire life of Whitney Houston, but it really just comes across as a flyover, a highlight reel. We see everything from the sidelines, and the moments pass by like race cars at the Indy 500.

What I will give this movie, as is also the case with those other movies in this category, is the performances. Naomi Ackie is quite good, as are Stanley Tucci and Nafessa Williams. Had the movie taken a little more time to focus on any one part of Houston's life, I feel like Ackie's performance would be comparable to the best of them (i.e. Sam Riley's portrayal of Joy Division's Ian Curtis in Control or Val Kilmer's Jim Morrison), but sadly the film gets in her way. The few scenes where she's really allowed to shine are in all the big musical moments, where she's not really getting to show her chops so much as bring the spirit of it, which she most definitely does. There is one scene, and it's one that has mostly been shown in the trailers, where we get to really see what Ackie is made of, and it's the radio interview where she goes off about people criticizing her for being "too white." Ackie really shines there and it makes it all the more frustrating that you don't get to see her really bring it like that at any other moment.

The other thing I will list as a pro, as someone who wasn't too aware of Whitney Houston's history outside of her troubled relationship with Bobby Brown and her sudden death, is that this film is surprisingly informative. Granted, these are all things that are probably easily findable online, but I was surprised at the amount of times I found myself going "oh, huh, I had no idea" after learning something new about Houston. It felt like the writers cared about setting the record straight on some misunderstandings about Houston and her history, and I did appreciate that. There is nothing poorly made about I Wanna Dance with Somebody from a technical perspective. The acting is great, the cinematography is fine, the directing and the writing are all just fine. However, I just can't help but compare this musician biopic to other films in the same genre like Control, like The Doors, and like the incredibly artful I'm Not There, and it just can't stack up to those. This one did not make hardly any impact on me and I imagine I'll forget a lot about it after a few months time.

Score: 5/10

Currently only in theaters.

[wornoutmouse]

I don’t know how to ask you this bestie 😩… But if you write incest do you mind doing one where all might’s daughter has a crush on Endeavor? And they both smash her… Feel free to make it stepcest if that’s more comfortable 🥲

DON’T BESTIE ME YOU FREAK!!!!-

Anyways, congrats on being my FIRST controversial ask. That being said, it took me a while to figure out whether or not I would write this one 🤔. Of course, this will be one of the ones I won’t be able to post on Wattpad lmao, but I’ll give it a go!

If you didn’t already read the request, I will give you the necessary warnings again.

tw: incest….. never thought this day would come, dp

Author's annual moral PSA: I would hope I wouldn't have to tell yall I don't condone this irl. This is both illegal in many states, and in all ways an abuse of power and trust. Not to mention no one should look at their family members in this way and if it has happened to you don't be ashamed of it as it is not your fault but seek help because it is dangerous in the long run. This is for pure fantasy purposes

You are not underage in this fic. I never do underaged work.

There is way too much plot in this

Your cheeks were stretched wide enough to rival your fathers’ as you ran home. Your feet bounce and your pull at your braids nervously as you look out the window of the train, the excitement you felt made you restless to get home. Your neighbors watched you as you ran by, dents caused by your shoes hitting the pavement as your quirk flowed through your pumping blood. “Dad!”

You slam your front door open and scramble through the labyrinth of your rich home. Tossing open your father’s office door unaware of how your outburst startles All Might. “Y-Yes what is it?” Papers flutter all around as you carelessly glide through Toshinori’s neatly stacked papers. You slam the slightly crumpled papers onto his desk, ignoring how the sheer strength of your hand nearly causes his cold cup of coffee to fall. “Remember how 3rd years get the chance to have the first pick in finding the company they’ll sidekick for?!”

All Might watches you with fondness in his eyes as he cleans his glasses off. He was now far in his years, a healthy 82. His hair was now less of a golden yellow and more of beige as it silvered slowly. He was still his normal towering height, retained much of his muscles, and could periodically assume his big form now that he finally had the time to rest and heal properly. “You mean the program that you talked about every day because it was free.”

You roll your eyes, “Free for me, not for you. Anyways look, look, look!” You hold the paper in his face and he takes it from you, “I see you were accepted into your first choice at-” You snatch the paper from him and hop around excitedly, “-At Endevā Jimusho And that’s not even the best part!” All Might's contempt face drops, “All sidekicks get to stay in a guest house in close quarters with Endeavor himself!!"

Joy no longer existed in Toshinori's emotional library. "Absolutely not." Your face falls and your rant halts completely. "What?" Yagi puts his glasses on and shuffles through his papers stiffly, "I do not agree on Endeavors training methods." You raise an eyebrow, "Is this coming from the man that punched Pro-Hero Dynamite and Deku into buildings during an emergency villain drill? In front of everyone?"

Yagi hides his face behind a stapled packet, "I was giving them a taste of reality, a villain does not care for a hero's well-being." You sit down on his desk, legs crossed before curling your finger over his paper, your eyes miss how AllMight briefly glances down, “Yes, but isn’t it a job as a hero to protect people, even the students they train?” Yagi craned his neck until it makes a satisfying crack, a smirk adorning his lips. “I suppose you are right.”

He thinks for a moment before silently shuffling his papers before returning his gaze to your hopeful face, “Why should I assist you with your obvious little crush on my coworker?” You clearly stiffen “Well if it will make you happy-” You don’t allow him to finish before your arms around his shoulders squeezing his neck with most of your strength.

AllMight watches you leave his room slightly disheartened, reaching into his desk drawer he pulls out his phone and dials. “What do you want?” AllMight leans back in his chair pulling at his pants to loosen the tension in his groin, “A proposition.”

The next day Yagi is driving you to your new home for the next 6 months. Your eyes glaze over with futuristic thoughts on how your stay would be. “Everything is so shiny!” Yagi shrugs as he pulls into the parking lot. Enji was always minimalistic when it came to modern designs.” Your head snaps to Toshinori’s side of the car, “His name is Enji!?” Your question is laughed off as Toshinori shuts the car off.

Although your amazement is captured solely by the prospect of working with a pro-hero, the fact that your father is a pro-hero does not go unnoticed by the people around you. “Is that AllMight!” “Should I ask for his picture?!” Even with Yagi’s shadow enveloping your body your attention hones in on the automatic glass doors in front of you.

Inside there is a crowd of students experiencing orientation and getting assigned their respective dorm and possible roommate. You take your first steps in their direction before your arm is pulled and Yagi dawns a playful grin as he presses his finger to his lips. You follow him, eyebrows furrowed “You aren’t trying to change my mind are you?” You don’t get an answer as you are dragged along.

Stairs after stair you follow your father until you come to the very top, legs throbbing but interest peaked. Yagi opens two double doors as easily as breathing and your eyes go wide as the broad shoulders of a familiar hero come into view. “You’re finally here, took you long enough.” Your heart beats in your chest, auburn hair, broad shoulders, and a stoic face that you’d only seen on television, now present in front of you. Yagi shuts the door causing you to jump, “Oh um hi!” A large hand touches your shoulder making you jump” Calm down Y/n!” A cheerful exclamation rings out from above you as Yagi transforms into his larger form.

Heavy footsteps make the room shake wherever the two men walk around the room, “I heard you wanted to meet with me.” Your demeanor goes from uneasy to panicked giggling, “O-Oh really, who told you that!’ AllMight chuckles before patting your head, why don’t you ask him all the silly questions you want, I have to use the restroom.

Endeavor leans against his desk, arms crossed allowing his muscles to bulge through his white button-up shirt. “Yagi tells me a lot of good things about you.” Endeavor stands straighter, a ballpoint pen in hand before he gestures for you to take a seat. You settle in the seat glancing towards the door before looking up at Endeavor who settles on his desk. “What’s the matter, you seem nervous?” The deepness of his tone sends a shiver down your spine. Shifting your legs closer together you clear your throat, “I’m just not used to meeting my childhood hero in person.” Endeavor laughs in a way that sounds more like a bellow, “When you say it like that I feel old!”

Your face hadn’t stopped burning since you entered the room but the joke forced a chuckle through your lips allowing you to relax just a little bit. Calculating eyes narrow, making you feel even smaller than you already did in the hero’s presence. “Now, come on. I’m sure you have something you’d always wanted to do if you met your hero.” Endeavor’s happy-go-lucky attitude catches you off guard as it juxtaposes the hardened persona he had cultivated over the years. “Well, I suppose a picture would be a start if you don’t mind?”

Seconds later you somehow find yourself in Endeavor's lap as he holds the camera up for a picture. His body is unpainted hot but you assume that was simply just a side effect of his quirk. “Um, are you sure you’re okay with this?” Endeavor hums in acceptance. A heavy arm loops around your waist pulling you closer, close enough to become aware of a problem pressed gently against your ass. “Oh!” Endeavor’s fingers slipped pressing the capture button, “What’s wrong did I do it wrong?” You shake your head becoming embarrassed for the both of you, “Nothing!” Enji’s voice lowers into a mumble that reverberated against the back of your neck, “Good.”

Enji straightens his arm once more to retake the picture and you awkwardly smile into the camera, grin becoming strained when he had yet to snap the photo. You shuffle the slightest bit to get a more comfortable position and a guttural groan is released from Enji’s lips. "Are you alright, Endeavor?" Your question is ignored and your phone is put down on the table. Large hands contrasting unbridled power is your stomach delicately as though you were made of porcelain. "Are you sure there is nothing else you'd like to do with your hero?"

Endeavors face nudges away your braids allowing him to press his heated mouth against your skin. "Nothing that would help you get to know them better?" You don't get to respond, your body is hoisted around to face Endeavor. Why nervousness clearly painting itself on your features before being overcome with confused pleasure as Endeavor pressed his lips against your own.

You moan against his lips, hips grinding against each other, the thought of where you are slipped past your mind and to your pussy. Endeavors hands down your body, pinching and pulling before sighing with his calloused fingernails. You couldn't believe this was happening, you feel your pants being pulled off. Just yesterday you believed that you would only be able to meet your hero in passing. Your bra is on the floor and your pussy weeps against his slacks.

The motions are fast-paced and you feel his thumb pressing against your clit. “Yes!” Endeavor kisses your lips, his stubble scratching your cheeks slightly as his tongue explores your mouth. Confidence floods your body as you hop off of Endeavor's lap and quickly undo the buttons of his slacks, he watches you out of breath in the best way.

Thick in your hands, the veins twitch to the tune of his blood. The clear stickiness of pre-cum coats the underside and you use it to stroke his length. "Please fuck me Endeavor!" You look up at him, face contorted with desperate thoughts as you angle your body towards his cock, the tip of it rubbing against your folds. You were wet, so wet making the fuchsia tip of his cock feel more engorged.

"Don't regret this. "You’re pulled back into his lap with ease, pussy trembling from the display of strength. With Endeavor holding your weight and your hand positioning his length below you, the slide down was easy as it could be. Your legs wrap around his waist as you adjust to him. “We have to be quick.” Endeavor rolls your hips when your breathing becomes even again, “We have all the time in the world.” You smirk trailing your finger up Enji’s chest, “What, you have a thing for getting caught?”

Your cheeks are spread apart by Endeavor’s fingers as he hooks one into the small slit left remaining in your pussy. “Something like that.” From behind you the sound of the door shutting makes your neck quickly craned around to look back. Standing with his arms behind his back and an unreadable expression stood Yagi, “Am I missing the party?” Ashamed excuses leave your mouth, tearful and panicked you squeal when Endeavor raises your hips before sliding you down his cock. “No, you are just in time.”

Yagi slowly removes the suit he wore, shrugging off his suit jacket as the sound of your muffled whimpers filter through his ears. You hide your face, curling into Endeavor’s form but a hand stops you, gripping your face, “Don’t be shy, it was his idea after all.” AllMight chuckled, “Yeah, it took a lot of convincing on my part.”Long fingers wrapped around the base of your skull where your braids connect before yanking your head back.

Toshinori looked down at you, face stoic and mockingly disappointed, "I thought it would take a lot more convincing but look at you. " Yagi dragged the back of his hand around your jaw and down your chest ripping the fabric with ease. Your tits bounced on every thrust that Endeavor continued to make, wordless moans and drool leaving your moan as your pussy clenched around the cock inside you.

"Such a little whore for him aren't you?" You shake your head in protest before your eyes widen as chapped but soft lips are placed over yours. He was kissing you, your brain short circuits as his tongue forces its way past your lips. It's wrong, you know that. Hell, this whole situation is wrong. You should be downstairs with the others doing orientation, not upstairs riding the cock of a pro-hero and french kissing the other. You knew it was wrong, but why did it feel so good?

Endeavor groans at how sloppy you were becoming. The sound of your pussy squelching as cream gathered around Endeavor's cock before being pushed back inside of you. "So both of you are twisted in the head." A large thumb presses down on your clit making your pussy spasm as you cum from the heightened stimulation. Endeavor keeps thrusting, his libido unmatched and energy pent up.

Yagi reaches in between the two of you pressing his palm against your pussy as his fingertips graze Enji’s dick on every upstroke. “Are you getting wetter sweetheart? He feels so good doesn't he?" Your mouth is agape and your weak hands Endeavor's shoulder is the only thing keeping you upright when your eyes roll back. "Y-Yes daddy!" Yagi wheezes before he's fiddling with his suit pants and pulling you back by your hair.

It was a strange display of balance on your end. Endeavor’s arms hold your legs tightly in order to keep you on his lap and on his cock meanwhile you are as your father slaps his hardened cock against your cheek, splashing his precum onto your chin. "I got you this far dear, why don't you return the favor?"

Whether it was diluted senses or your subconscious coming forward, you open your mouth for him, moaning as he invades every crevice of your jaw. Your throat constricts and you retch around the warm heat. Yagi is unapologetic and downright brutal as he pulls back before bringing his hips forward again.

The two men's moans empty into the office room and your garbled cooking is ignored as they both have their fill, leaving you to wonder if this really was for you. Numbness invaded your senses as you come again on Endeavor's cock with him not that far behind as he blows his load into your pussy. "It's been a while I will admit." Endeavor slaps your pussy once, then twice just to feel you squeeze down on him every time your hips jerked.

Tears and drool running down your face the faster your father fucks your throat and you knew you'd be sore the next day. "My turn." All Might pulls out and walks away not even showing you a glance as you choke from the lack of oxygen. Enji helps you sit up and wipes your face before Toshinori is pulling you away from Endeavor showing no care that his cock was still in you. He sits down and pulls you onto his own lap ignoring your dazed look as your brain struggles with the various changes of attitude.

"You gotta thank daddy for helping you meet your hero, don't you think?” His hand cups your round cheeks before the other slams down on the other one. Overestimated tears tremble down your brown skin as you hiccup, "Yes daddy." You rock against his cock, both your saliva and his own precum staining your stomach and public hair.

He fills you, even better than Endeavor did, and begins his onslaught of thrusts. You scream, the sound no doubt traveling outside the room, "Daddy please fuck me!!!" The speed at which you were moving was one that could only be done by a hero and it was more pain than pleasure. The constant pounding of your cervix makes your teeth clench together each time his mushroom head punches it.

"Yes, give daddy this sloppy pussy, squeeze down for me-oh fuck!" Lewd words you never even believed Yagi was capable of saying leave his lips. Your shoulder is bit by the redheaded man behind you as he cups your breasts together, tugging on your nipple before rubbing the nubbed patterns on your areolas. "I can't take it any more daddy please!" Your arms wrap around his shoulders as he causes your pussy to queen and cream, balls slapping the underside of your ass, sticky with Endeavor’s cum.

"This is what you raised Yagi? A little whore?" Yagi chuckles, "I'm just as surprised as you are Enji, say why don't you join? You aren't one and done are you?" Endeavor scoffs, you wish that upon me don't you?"

Your mind, altered with lust, does not understand the hidden meaning behind the word "join" but you soon realize it when fat fingers are pushing their way in the same hole Toshinori occupied. "E-Endeavor?" You're shushed as his fingers pump inside you with Yagi’s cock, curling and prodding your walls at every turn. You feel fuller than you ever thought you could and the pressure only continued.

"Look at my pretty little girl taking her daddy's cock, so fucking tight for me. Can you do this for Endeavor too? Fit both our fat cocks in your hero guzzling hole?" You nod at the degradation and feel the warmth from Endeavor envelope your back. His tip massages the stretched opening as Yagi stops thrusting for a moment.

There is silence, and then there is pain. You hardly feel the initial penetration of Enji’s cock, but you do feel it when Yagi tries to move again. You can hardly breathe between the sandwich the 3 of you created and your comfort is practically ignored as they both begin to move at opposite tempos. “O-oh god!” With your eyes screwed shut and mouth agape the two men grunt against your ears.

Your g-spot and cervix are both pushed against as their thrusts become more impersonal. Endeavor grabs your arms from around Yagi’s neck before pulling them behind your back. Your legs tremble uselessly around Toshinori’s thighs. His breath huffing the more he exerted himself steam easily slipping from his lips the faster he went. “I’m gonna cum!” Endeavor grunts, pistoning out of you even faster than he was before. A hand rests on his shoulder and he’s shoved back making you whimper from the partial emptiness. “Not inside bastard.”

Yagi becomes his gental self again as his still hard cock slips from your entrance. He places you on the ground giving you time to prop yourself up before grabiing his dick and stroking it infront of your face. You are to fucked out to do anything but present yourself as a pretty little canvas as his cum paints your face. You lick the small drops painting your chin before flashing a coy smile, “Thank you Daddy!”

[elowenp]

“What do you want?” Barbara asks, voice crackling with static.

It’s a silly question. Tim wants crime rates to go down. Tim wants Gotham to be a safer city. Tim wants to be a part of making that happen.

“A code name that isn’t stupid.” he says instead.

Barbara sighs. It doesn’t sound like a sigh though. It just sounds like the static’s getting louder.

~

“Bernard Dowd, scholar of the ages.” Tim laughs, arm slung round Bernard's shoulder. “I thought you were meant to be the fun one?”

“I am.” Bernard groans, “as soon as these exams are done I’ll be back to the usual student life. Getting drunk, going on dates, Gotham won’t know what’s hit it.”

“Going on dates?” Tim asks jokingly, even as a well hidden part of him turns slightly panicked. “Any successes an old friend should be hearing about?”

“Not really.” Bernard shrugs, jostling Tim’s arm. “Just a couple of girls I was better off friends with.” He pauses, thinking, before continuing with his voice involuntarily going a little higher. “Couple of guys too.”

“Huh.” Tim suddenly becomes very aware of all the places where his arm is touching Bernard. He doesn’t move it. “Better luck next time.”

Huh.

~

Tim’s been avoiding Dick. He’s been awkward around him lately, Tim thinks that Barbara must have said something. He’s not stupid enough to have done something to send Dick spiralling without noticing it.

“What do you want?” Dick asks, curious, without warning.

Tim wants to ask if Barbara put him up to this but he knows it’s a genuine question. Dick isn’t manipulative like that, not with family.

What does Tim want? Isn’t it a little late for Dick go be asking that question? All the things that happened after Bruce’s death put a canyon of distance between them. It’s slowly been growing smaller but it hasn’t disappeared. Neither of them have had time enough to spend together for that to happen.

An awful, bitter part of Tim that hasn’t stopped screaming since Robin wasn’t his any more wonders if Dick would even be asking if Damian wasn’t out of town right now.

“For us to go train surfing.” Tim says. Petty. Just so Dick will say no and his anger can feel righteous instead of ill-deserved.

“Okay.” Dick says instead. Easy and confident. Himself.

“Oh.” Tim’s anger fizzles into non-existence. “Okay.”

The canyon grows a little smaller.

~

“We should go to a skatepark.” Bernard says, a little giggly from the beer in his hand.

There’s a matching beer in Tim’s hand although it’s still practically full. If there’s an emergency he’ll be of no use drunk. “What? Why?”

“Why not? You were so good in high school! And you had fun doing it.” Bernard’s tone turns a little less giggly. “You should do more things you find fun.”

Tim is surprised enough that the “Okay.” slips out of his lips unbidden.

So maybe the beer bottle is a little less full than he’d like to admit.

They borrow a board from one of Bernard's flatmates and catch a bus to a skate park Tim remembers using when he was younger. As they go Tim tries to remember why he stopped. He tries to remember when he stopped. He can’t recall the answer to either question and annoyance rises in his chest over it.

Then Bernard is saying something and it has Tim snorting with laughter and he forgets his irritation.

Once they arrive Bernard settles himself at the top of one of the ramps like it’s a throne. “Entertain me!” he calls, “Impress me with your wheel-board magic.

Tim manages a kick-flip on his first attempt and Bernard makes a loud noise of approval.

A lot of stuff comes back to Tim fairly quickly. Most of skateboarding had been muscle memory for him and that’s something that being a vigilante hadn’t exactly hindered. As things return to him he regains some faint memories of why he’d stopped. Nothing specific, just that feeling of not having enough time. Of thinking that going to the skatepark wasn’t a particularly useful way to spend his hours while there was still real work to be done.

Tim’s always been a vigilante first, but he thinks there must have been a point when that wasn’t the only thing he was. Well, when it wasn’t the only thing he was that mattered.

“Come on!” Bernard shouts, teeth flashing white against Gotham’s grey-black sky. “I was promised entertainment!”

Tim laughs. He seems to do that a lot around Bernard these days.

He starts moving on the skateboard, deciding to leave the existentialism for another day.

~

First Dick and now Bruce. Tim’s family has really been making a habit of being weird around him lately.

He would normally think that the Bruce was worried about him, that Dick had passed along some bullshit about his mental health and Bruce was practicing some silent vigil. The problem with that theory is that Tim’s been getting better recently, so there wouldn’t be much point. At least he thinks he’s been getting better. It’s difficult to tell sometimes.

Bruce has definitely been acting weird around him though, so maybe he isn’t getting better. Maybe Bruce spotted something Tim didn’t and he’s on the road to insanity.

“What do you want?” Bruce asks one day as they’re both working in the cave. Not Batman. Bruce.

It’s a far stupider question than it was when Barbara or Dick asked it. Bruce is the person who made Tim’s desires what they are. He’s the one who took Tim’s obsession and carved it into a goal.

“What?” Tim asks, loud and confused and maybe a little angry. “What do you mean ‘what do I want’? I want the mission! What else am I supposed to want?”

Bruce stays silent for a moment and Tim imagines him turning the words over in his head. “Nothing else?” Bruce asks. He sounds sad and it makes the anger drain from Tim’s body. “Just the mission?”

“I don’t need anything else.” Tim says hollowly.

Bruce just nods, thinking. It makes Tim want to scream even as satisfaction rises in his chest.

It’s always been a point of pride that he can to lie to Batman. He’s hardly going to change his mind about that now.

~

“People keep asking me what I want.” Tim says, sat on Bernard's bed. “I don’t like it.”

Bernard's turns away from the laptop on his desk so he can look at Tim. “You ever tell them the truth?”

Tim shrugs. He isn’t sure what else to do. “Ish?”

Bernard smiles. “Anyone ever tell you you’re impossible, Tim Drake?”

“Only everyone I’ve ever met.”

Bernard barks out a laugh before sobering up and looking at Tim with ill-disguised curiosity. “Do you want to tell me the truth about it? Or did you just want to say the thing out loud?”

“I’m not sure.” Tim admits, and he has to stop himself from acting taken aback by the fact he actually said that. Tim never says when he’s uncertain. There isn’t room for it. Bernard must know that too because he looks at Tim in surprise, then scoots his chair closer to the bed so that he and Tim are almost touching.

Bernard looks very cautious. “You know that’s okay, right?”

“I-“ Tim starts, because is it? Is uncertainty the kind of luxury he can afford? “I want to want things. But it feels like I’ve forgotten how.”

“You’ve had a rough couple of years.”

“How do you-“

Bernard smiles knowingly. “You’re not as hard to read as you think, Tim. Well you are. But it’s not difficult to tell that some bad things must have happened since I last saw you.”

“Yeah.” Tim says hoarsely, thinking back to the burn of his muscles as he dug up Kon’s grave, the stinging of desert sand in his eyes, the moment of confusion when he woke up in a league of assassins base unsure if he’d had to die to get there. “Yeah. Bad things happened.” He shakes himself a little, because those aren’t the thoughts he wants lingering. He focuses back on Bernard who’s closer than Tim had realised, worry creased between his eyes. “What about you?” Tim asks, trying to exert some measure of control over the conversation. “What do you want?”

“Thought we were talking about you?” Tim might have let it go with that if not for the note of nervousness in Bernard's voice and the red creeping up the back of his neck.

“We can talk about both of us.”

“It’s not important right now.”

Tim reaches out then. He takes Bernard's hand in his because Bernard makes him laugh and he looks so nervous and Tim wants to. Bernard looks down at their hands in surprise and Tim doesn’t actually feel worried. Just expectant that Bernard is going to squeeze their fingers together more securely. He does. “You sure?” Tim asks.

Bernard just looks at him. Mouth parted with shock. He seems to come back to himself though and his expression of surprise turns into something more confident. More familiar. “What if I wanted you?” he asks, hesitancy and confidence rolled into one voice.

“Give me some time to remember how to want things, and I think I’ll want that too.” Tim replies, just as unsure and utterly certain.

Bernard tangles their fingers together a little more firmly in response and Tim feels more hopeful than he has in a long time.

[opalsiren]

things mako mermaids got right that weren't featured in h2o:

a large supporting cast: by the time we get to season four numerous land people are aware of the existence of merpeople and are able to support them in hiding the secret. i understand why the h2o writers chose for the girls to only tell their boyfriends about their identities, and obviously budget constraints are a concern, but i think the extended family ensemble just works

older mermaids: this is only something small, but i like that we get to see slightly older mermaids like rita and veridia actually in their mermaid forms. it’s something that we didn’t get to see on h2o that i personally would have vibed with *shrug emoji*

some of the particulars of mermaid-ness like mermaids having beautiful hair, being terrified of cats, and having a penchant for seafood couldn't exist in h2o for obvious reasons, but i'm going to shout them out here since i think these were clever and creative choices on the part of the writers especially poseidon’s existence since i maintain that the only thing missing from h2o is cats and have assigned rikki an elder lady cat named gramps

characters's parents being told about their mermaid status: of course this is only something hinted at the end of season four. still it’s something i would have liked to see on h2o. i’m glad that zac’s parents eventually learned about his true identity and could presumably help him to navigate both worlds to which he belongs

land person-turned-mermaid losing their tail, but it's a good thing: in the og series the audience is meant to read gracie giving up her tail as a bad thing, since it caused her relationship with max and her friendships with the girls to end. charlotte losing her tail is not supposed to be a bad thing for the audience, but as a charlotte sympathizer it’s pretty heartbreaking to watch. evie’s admittedly half-hearted arc in gaining a tail and then losing it is quite refreshing in comparison. she is able to go back to her normal life and is no longer burdened with the secret when she finally accepts what has happened to her

mermen: the concept is yawn-inducing for me, but considering the amount of 'lewis/zane/ash/will become mermen' fic which circulates, i'm going to go ahead and say that introducing mermen was a good choice. dissenting opinions accepted at this time!

things mako mermaids got wrong that h2o also got wrong:

the stringent heterosexuality of every single character: i understand that we’re talking about kids’s shows which aired in the early 2000s, but must near every single character end up in a heterosexual union?

lack of racial and ethnic diversity: most of the characters in h2o are white, and the characters of colour are periphery at best. there is more diverse representation in mako mermaids but it isn’t always handled in the most, ahem, tactful way (e.g the whitewashing of mimmi, the miscasting of weilan, etc.)

misogynistic writing resulting in pointless female rivalries: see, for example, nixie and evie getting into a cat fight in early season one over a pair of shoes. that scene was written by a man, i just know it

characters that are not from australia having australian accents: i can kind of give h2o a pass for this one since bella (and will, now that i think of it) may have spent a good chunk of her childhood in aus and picked up the accent, but why does weilan, who has never set foot there until the final season, speak with an aussie twang? no seriously, if anyone has an explanation for this bar 'casting an actor to do a chinese accent would have been too much bother' i'm all ears!

the ever-evolving cast: why does no one who acts in the makoverse want to stick around for more than one season? half the supporting characters of h2o season one don't appear in season two, and half of those remaining characters don't appear in season three. it's worse on mako mermaids as the main trio of mermaids is constantly changing. how is the viewer supposed to get attached, let alone watch characters develop organically over a number of seasons, if the mains keep getting replaced?

things mako mermaids got wrong that h2o managed to get right:

the visual appeal of its magical jewellery: this one is entirely subjective, but i’m just going to say it: the moon rings are ugly. especially compared to the iconic h2o lockets. i suppose it could be argued that the lockets were designed by a human to blend in with the world of land people, while the moon rings are from the mermaid world so must appear more bright and fantastical. this doesn’t detract from the face that they are garish and artificial looking. also, if you're attempting to hide your mermaid identity on land, why wear a ring that has a mermaid on it? the mind boggles

mermaid tails: someone else made a more detailed post on this, but the mako tails suck, especially compared to its predecessor. they look weirdly discoloured, almost unfinished, don’t have the same dexterity, and are too light to the point of flimsiness. what i will say is that the silvery-blue merman tails are cool. still, if it ain't broke and all that

i don’t know how to summarise this point into a snappy sub-heading, but the way that each h2o mermaid has unique powers particular to them that just adds something to the world. not to mention the hand gestures! of course northern mermaids, eastern mermaids, and southern mermaids have different strengths, while individual mermaids may be proficient in different areas. it also makes sense that a large pod of mermaids would share the same powers, rather than having individual powers specific to them. still i think the elemental associations in the original series helped to round the characters out better, and it’s something i missed on mako mermaids

i don’t know where to include this bit, but the different aesthetics of the show lend themselves to two entirely different experiences. the visual aesthetic of mako mermaids is sharp and vibrant and colourful, with a higher production value. however as a zillennial there’s something comforting about the crappy production value of the og series and the muted tones used in the colouring

feel free to add!