#being on tumblr has never been easy for me. i don't regret it that much but like.

[elytrafemme]

hi friends :]

still staying offline a little longer. i'm at a crossroads where i'm wondering whether i like being perceived online at all. i don't know if i love the experience of all this, but i love all the people here and that's kind of the point, isn't it? maybe i need a fresh start. after cough syrup maybe i start reconsidering. who knows.

but i wanted to say that i love you guys! and was just sitting here, earlier, and missing you all. i know that my VERY frequent absences (anyone who has ever dmed me is aware of this) is really annoying, and maybe a dealbreaker, and that's really understandable. but i want you all to know i think about my friends here, the little guys in my computer, like All The Time hehe. like!!! i've mentioned you all to the people i meet here in conversations, sometimes; i miss you.

but i don't know. online stuff has always been really hard for my brain. something about reconciling with my identity, my presence, freaks me out. but i'm carrying you all with me, taking you in my palms and bringing you to the warmth. in a few languages, that's love.

protect your peace, break your silence, and stay strong. it's scary out there. but you're brave than the worst of it.

[antiqua-lugar]

Tumblr refuses to let me reblog a post referencing Wyll saying that as a child his father told him that their dead love ones were always watching over them and Wyll's reaction was to be scared. He thought he was haunted.

The idea of Wyll being genuinely scared of wide-eyed ghosts in response to what probably was his father's attempt to console him over his mother's death is. His loved ones not as a consolation but as a reminder, as an audience - possibly as someone judging him, because ghosts cannot move on until their unfinished business is resolved. Especially because his mother also haunts the narrative, in her own way? She's first defined by her absence, Wyll doesn't talk or think of her much because she died giving birth of him. Except he reveals that he has been thinking of her recently, specifically contrasting her to his father. He's been thinking about how his life could have been different had she been there. Wyll is always very adamant that he doesn't regret anything, he can't, because it means regretting all the good he has done and all the lives he has saved. Is his mother's death one of the things he is not supposed to regret, because had she been alive then none of this would have happened and he would still have been in Baldur's Gate with his family, not a hero but happy and whole...but then dozens of people would have been dead and dozens of devils would still be living? Are his good deeds, like his dead loved ones, haunting him? Especially since he keeps contrasting his father and mother, public vs private, duty vs personal happiness, throught the whole of Act 3, culminating with his romance scene in Act 3, where his mother's memory is directly tied to his proposal. I know some people said the writers just straight up forgot he never met her, but I just assumed he is simply recalling what his father used to say abut her, just like he always repeats his father words, which instead are curiously absent from the whole thing. We are never told why his father never married his mother while Wyll will marry the person he loves no matter who that person is - Bhaalspawn, vampire spawn , Great Liberator of the Githyanki people, former Sharran with a degree in torture and interrogation - and it would have been so easy to bring his fathers' words in his romance, to say anything at all about duty, but no, only his mother's words matter in his romance. I know this probably IS a result of the rewrite, but the complete absence of his father in favour of his mother in his romance arc, which is the ONE arc that is entirely all about Wyll's personal desires? Like The Blade of Frontier is a hero from the legends, Wyll Ravengard is someone who wants to be in a romance. It's perhaps his only indulgence, to have a love story as he wishes. On some level he compares it to his childhood dreams, and he says it's his greatest wish, as if the idea of the person he loves staying at his side forever cannot possibly be something he actually gets to keep. And not only then he does, but his romance scene only triggers after Ansur after he (in his good ending) has just refused his father and the world of politics to remain the Blade The themes in his arc. don't get me started on mizora being a dark mirror version of his mother

[ghouljams]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I LOVE LUCK

First of all pairing Gaz with Luck was genius

But the way you told the story??????

Luck being so enamoured for Gaz that they would risk everything and rationalising it as their selfish demon nature even as every act of luck they perform is above and beyond

I know that all the demons are slightly yandere-esque stories but the way Luck is besotted with this man gives the vibes of those cheesy supernatural media where the fem mc has a bad boy swooning over her that would burn the world down for her - except Gaz is the mc!!!!

It's perfect! Let him be a damsel!!!!

Idk how much he knows about Luck's influence BC he's not stupid and once he knows their powers there's only so much "oh whoops looks like they have bad aim" you can rationalise away, he might not know exactly when he started getting more luck tho if (from how you described it) the powers of the universe seem to let him absorb the natural well of luck that exists.

It might be harder for him to pinpoint exactly when if Luck is the type to take credit for stuff just for the possibility of praise and attention - which they clearly adore coming from him. "A miracle - your heart swells, that's you!" And "he jokes about a lucky streak and you beam with pride"

I just wanna make him my baby girl. I wanna protect him, let him give me his little neck tie thing like a Princess gives her Knight a favour

I truly love the demon au bc it somewhat feels like a role reversal from the fae au where now the characters are the darlings

(also I think I've sent asks before as myself or as anon I can't remember but Tumblr likes to eat my asks for some reason)

Gaz as the damsel lmao yeah kinda. Gaz gets a demon handbook, and reads it, but I don't think he fully understands how Luck's powers work... Luck isn't hiding from him, let's be clear on that, but it's very much the sort of vibe of "luck isn't really a power, I'm not trying to win the lottery" while Gaz figures out how to make Luck useful.

Anyway here's Luck performing some truly spectacular magical luck and Gaz trying to explain it away because he's not supposed to tell people he has a demon looking out for him.

Little things are easy, you don't really need to exert any energy for them. An enemy comes around a corner before Gaz can spot them and you make their gun jam before they can take a shot. Someone throws a knife at Gaz, you make sure it flies over his shoulder and lodges into another AQ's head. Extra bullets in a mag, extra mags in the rubble when he's running low, passwords on paper next to computers, unlocked doors, keys left in cars. All of it is lucky, but nothing spectacular. Nothing combat worthy. Then again you're not technically a combat demon.

"Certainly make life easier," Gaz mumbles as he slinks through the tunnels under the city.

"I know, but-" You're picking up bad habits, draping yourself over his shoulder as he moves, "-I guess I just want to give you a miracle, y'know."

"You've given me plenty already," He tells you. You suppose you have, but nothing that deserves any praise. You want him to tell you, you did something spectacular. Not that you can tell him. It's already heaven enough being able to sit and talk to him like this, you don't want to taint it with false compliments.

You sigh and content yourself with just touching him, something you never could've enjoyed before. Every breath he takes is a small reward for your work. You could never regret contracting yourself to him, not when he's so warm and sturdy under you.

"Tell me about that book you've been reading," Gaz whispers when you've been silent too long. You smile, and duck your head against his shoulder, shy even though you know he can't see you.

"You'd like it," You tell him, murmuring the most recent plot points you've read until you see him smile in the low light. You like how well Gaz seems to have adjusted to you, you hope that means he likes you too.

He holds up a hand and you quiet down, sinking into the shadows so he has full range of movement. You can hear the buzz of radio in his ear. He and Soap are supposed to be sweeping the city for weapons caches, sabotaging what they can before they meet in the middle. So far Gaz has been lucky enough to destroy the caches he's found without being detected. More easy luck, nothing worth kicking up a fuss over.

Gaz keeps his gun at the ready as he goes up a flight on concrete stairs. Back to the fresh air of the city. The night is thick with dark silence.

You're starting to get a little itchy, things are going almost too well. You've been keeping enemy combatants away from Gaz, eager to not have a repeat of the IED that bound your contract. You think it's starting to make him a little nervous, because he lets out a held breath when he spots Soap. It's a short reunion, a solid bump of knuckles between the two men.

"Easy," Soap tells him, "Barely saw a soul."

You frown, you don't like the sound of that. That was supposed to be your luck. Unless those caches were meant to be found. A spotlight clicks on, marking Soap and Gaz's position. Around them guns raise, and safeties flip off.

They both freeze, surrounded and in open air. It's lucky they haven't been shot yet. Must be looking to use them for intel. Soap swears under his breath. Gaz grits his teeth, you can see his jaw clench tight. Overhead a helicopter hovers, the spotlight on the back focused on the two sergeants, keeping them visible.

You feel yourself tremble a little, such a clear and serious threat to Gaz's life making you uneasy. You're really not used to combat, it's unfamiliar to you, a thing you used to watch with no dreams to ever experience it yourself. You don't know what to do, all you know is that you have to protect Gaz. You can't shoot knives out of the shadows, or remove organs with surgical precision, you can't do anything that would make you useful to a soldier. What you are though, is lucky. Miraculously so.

One of the enemy's guns misfires, knocking them off balance. They bump into another combatant, who's itchy finger pulls the trigger on an automatic that swings its spray of bullets skyward. Gaz glances up and watches a few stray bullets hit the helo with precision aim he wouldn't even dream up. Making the hovering chopper smoke and spin out, crashing into a church steeple.

The helo explodes, the noise loud enough to draw the attention of the men who still have their aim on him and Soap. Suddenly, miraculously, the blades of the helicopter fly from the explosion and spin towards the AQ agents. Gaz grabs Soap to duck just as the blades chop off the head of every man still standing.

"Steamin' hell," Soap breathes, as the blades thunk into a wall and stick there.

"That was-"

"A fuckin' miracle." Soap finishes for him, standing back to his full height.

"Luck," Gaz grins, "You are a fuckin' wonder." You preen as he glances down at his excitedly bubbling shadow. You can't help the little popping hearts that rise to the surface, quick bursts of your affection before you can rein it in. He presses his fingers to his lips, then to the dark shadows at his feet before standing.

"No one is going to believe this," Soap looks around at the carnage, blissfully(luckily) ignorant of the demonic activity at Gaz's feet, "Shit I don't even believe it."

"Gonna be a hell of a report," Gaz tells him. He glances around the scene as Soap radios position back to Price. The absolute absurdity of the entire situation making him laugh a little. "Bloody hell," He shakes his head, lets out another bark of laughter, "How'd you even manage this love?"

"Just lucky I guess," You mumble, trying to keep from blowing out every light on the block in your excitement. Love... You could scream.

[moyokeansimblr]

Update

Not feeling so hot and I'm not going to do anything impulsive at 8PM on a Friday evening but

here is a link to a sfs folder with ALL of my content that's currently only hosted on patreon.

I want to add individual sfs links to the tumblr posts but that's a lot and I'm now regretting never adding alt dl links this whole time... and sorry I don't think the downloads in the sfs folder are in order... it also might be some other things, like fixed meshes or stuff. tbh I just added everything I've made after April 3rd 2023 since that was the last time I uploaded anything to sfs.

I guess while I'm here... I was going to wait until after I finish up the last of my active requests (probably by Monday, I'm almost done) but I desperately need a break from CC. I sent a group message on the 17th to my $4 and $6 patrons encouraging them to cancel, but I know not everybody knows patreon even has dms so maybe you'll see this post and I'll reach out again in the coming days so nobody is wasting their money. I am so immensely burnt out and I need to not create for a while. This is completely my own fault, nobody made me work on CC for 8-10 hours 5 days a week for the last several months and I fully knew it wasn't sustainable ages ago but I kept doing it because it made me feel good, until it didn't. Quite honestly, even before I sent the group message the instant wave of relief I felt just having made the decision to take a break... that caught me off guard but just confirmed I need this. I do feel really awful about it because I feel like I'm letting people down but at the same time I don't want to hate creating which was already happening. That being said, I don't know how long the lull in CC is going to be, and if you're only following me strictly for CC I apologize. As said I am still finishing up one request I still had, I'm about 75% done with that as of this post. But that's gonna be it for a while.

There is a part of me that wants to stop using patreon completely and unpublish my creator page (which is what I'm not going to impulsively do tonight without properly thinking it through...since there are positives like how easy it is to download files and whatnot) but I'd again encourage not only those who joined the $4 and $6 tiers but also the $2 tier to cancel so that you aren't wasting your money. If I did do this I would definitely do the individual sfs links on everything first. I'd not just leave you guys unable to download my stuff.

So, what does that mean for this blog? I'll spare ye, impatient readers, who have already read a lot because I ramble⬇️

Well, as of posting this I still have THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FOUR Strangetown posts in my queue. And I'm not tired of playing that.

I'm looking forward to having an opportunity to do all of the things I've been neglecting. I'm finally going to go through the subfolder within my downloads of everything I'm downloaded the last few months and decide if I wanna keep it in my game or not. And finish default replacing everything. And all my other various little projects I haven't been doing.

Also, I want to start playing Veronaville 😮I've already started downloading lots from kattaty to replace the in-game ones, and I found a cool replacement for the neighborhood map. I am leaning towards making a new sub-blog for this so that you don't have to try and follow Strangetown/LFT posts and Veronaville/ALT posts at the same time. I've only ever played the Veronaville sims for like one day as part of a super failed megahood years ago so I'd like to get to know them.

So basically, I guess I'm a gameplay blog for now? Until I want to create anything again anyways, but I don't know when that will be.

I don't know how to end this post... I'm sorry for the disappointment, but thank you so much for enjoying my stuff 💛💛

[mariii1]

░▒▓█ 𝖒𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖋𝖚𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊 █▓▒░

1-2-3

4-5-6

Reupload since Tumblr wants to be a pos. I'm unfortunately going to be taking another break after uploading this but let me know what pac you want to see again.

DM me for paid readings

1 - you may be fighting with the people around you a lot or you might be somebody who's combative. You could have anger issues or you just don't know how to deal with anger as an emotion either from yourself or from other people. I see more conflict and a warning that if you dont deal with issues you have now with other people they will get much worse in the future. I see you potentially embarrassing yourself or coming off as irrational to others. I also see someone trying to stab you in the back or take something from you because it either gives them pleasure to see and know that they made you upset or they feel like it's easy to take things from you because they view you as crazy/don't take you seriously. If you're deciding whether or not you should cut someone off because they make you feel emotionally out of balance, do it. I'm getting it's a trauma response; this person knows how to manipulate you. They are a bully, this could be a family member.

2 - Something about a future partner. You'll be freeing yourself from a capitalistic mentality. If you believe in hustle culture, you'll learn the hard way that it's not gonna help you. I see some of you burning out real quick from that. You're not gonna care about money in the future. For a few of you, this obsession with work and money comes from being financially abused whether by a partner for most or by a family member/guardian. I see you not letting money or work ethic define you or be your entire personality for some. If you feel stuck now, it has to do with money. I was getting more rude messages but I feel this comes from people around (they might not be close to you either) who find your mindset annoying and/or they see right through it.

3 - if you have a partner you might break up worth them. You will realize that they were never that good to you. This reminds me of a tiktok where this girl was saying that (to people watching) "he's not special". "He" does normal things and you make it special when it's not. Its the basics of being human, it's how he should've treated you even if you weren't in a relationship. This could be a groomer or some sort of abuser romantically for a lot of you. This could also be someone you put on a pedestal romantically if you don't have a partner. Maybe your crush actually treats you like a piece of shit. This could also apply to those in talking stages in dating apps and such. You're gonna realize someone isn't shit and you only really put them on a pedestal bc you either didn't like yourself or you were bored.

4 - this is a warning for some and others know its gonna happen. There are a few of you planning this on purpose. You might be veryyyy stressed out and over worked in the future. This could result from you not listening to yourself especially if this relates to some sort of decision. If its life altering you will regret it a lot it's just gonna make things harder. Im getting this could have to do with education. There's something you really should have listened to yourself about and it might be too late. My best guess is that if you know what this is, you might even be trying to get out of it currently. This is specific for some people. If you don't get it, it's not for you. This is for people who have been actively trying to block their thoughts and opinions on something out.

5 - ok so you are stopping a cycle if not you will be. However, when you stop, you're going to be stagnant. For a lot of you it can feel like you're stopping the flow of type life in a way. I see you not making any new moves or decisions which will keep you in one place even though you have ended a cycle. It's like you won't find something new or move on to the next thing. I see you being scared of your old cycle repeating or something worse coming your way. I feel this has to do with career or education. It seems you might've felt heavily overworked and not compensated for your work or you didn't get the right outcome so now you just don't want to do anything. Hmm this would be interesting to do a paid reading on.

6 - you're going to give up on presenting as something. In particular, a certain personality. You might have internalizations you're working on, for some of you this has to do with gender transitioning (we're in this together 😭) I see for most that this has to do with again a workplace or just a hostile environment. Maybe in the past you thought that not saying anything and just ignoring ppl would help you, but you see that's not the case. A lot of you had this idea that you needed to be the bigger person or act like ppl weren't worth your time but it was just you not knowing how else to approach conflict. So i see you finally getting someone in trouble with some sort of plan or just speaking your mind in a way that brings action ig. Yeah you might've really hoped to get along with someone but you'll see its just not possible and they refuse to leave you alone.

[archonsabyss]

not the universe putting us on the same wavelength! ✨iconic behavior ✨

i've been making my way through enhypen 🥴 it was sunoo first, then sunghoon, and then i saw this reel and i haven't looked back!! he's the first idol i've put as my phone wallpaper and i have ZERO regrets! honestly babes, i just can't believe he exists and he's so lovely 🥺

aww friend, please be easy and good to yourself! i hope you feel better soon and take it easy~

don't worry about keeping up with me tho! work within your own capacity; i'll do the same! i've been trying to limit the amount of screen time - but with a full-time engineering job (and star rail ;-; ) it's not so easy. whenever i do come on though i always visit your page v(=∩_∩=)ﾌ

it makes me so happy to see you interacting with others, as well as get your kudos for your BEAUTIFUL NOBEL PEACE PRIZE DESERVING WORKS! i will never shut up about how dazzling and divine your writing is!!!!! where is your book deal!!!!

we should also talk about star rail because it's been so much fun to play! and i saw you're writing for love & deepspace! please give me a reason to play i want to so bad lol

₊⊹ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖⭒✮ I love us 💅 THAT REEL is the reason I homie hopped lmao. (all jokes) but heeseung has broken my heart one too many time with this behavior so I need a break and someone to mend it. Not that sunghoon is a rebound or anything. Heeseung wallpaper? I love that for you!! Honestly, from day one he's lured me in and trapped me. I was so enchanted when I first saw him, then I dipped after iland (their survival show) ended only to come back a few months after debit and realize he'll always be my one. Probably one of my proudest moments is being with enha from debut!!

I will do that, as soon as I can find my feet I'll take better care of myself as I hope you're doing as well. Even if it's just something small like staying hydrated, or washing ur hair ect. Random, but cleanliness does miracles to one's body and emotional state.

I'm glad you're atlst occupied you know, I feel like I'm wasting my time at home and I'm on my phone 24/7. Just waiting for one of my parents to go off lol. But this helped to remind me to also try and cut down on screen time, it'll definitely do me some good so thank you. I know how hard having a job can be (even tho it's something we'll have to do for the majority of our lives so we just gotta get used to it) but all the best!! Also thank you for visiting me🥹 it makes me the happiest

I NEED PHONE SPACE. I need to put all my unnecessary photos and vids on a hard drive so I can get hsr again!! I had it but then l&ds came out and I'm running low. I NEED BLADE SO BADLY! HE'S LITERALLY WAITING FOR ME

You might as well just take my heart 🫶🏻 why are u so sweet, what do u want from me? You're keeping me here on Tumblr and flaming my passion for writing I hope you know how incredible you are and how much every word you've said is highly appreciated!! I wish you the absolute best in life and in future! I hope you get all you deserve honestly 😭🤍

As for HSR and L&ds, if I start I won't stop but I suddenly blanked rn HELP- tbh with l&ds.. What I'm feeling rn is alot of frustration I look like these 😈😃 emojis while punching a wall especially with the fighting.. The whole leveling up cards and farming materials / protocores (like genshin artifacts) with limited stamina is a pain lol. Also the whole wishing system with pity and literally looking through every nook and cranny for them diamonds! There's new event cards every often and it's great but sad and traumatizing when you don't manage to get the card u want. BUT that's the whole experience and it's still really good and addictive to the point my wallet is under lock and key is thrown away. Summary, reasons to play = pretty boys with a good main story and terribly angsty individual lore. If you like simping but emotionally, then definitely give it a try. Besides if you don't like it the uninstall button is just a click away🤭 doesn't hurt to try.

[jovenshires]

Hey the new Ianthony edit? Made me emo as fuck it really had me in my feels very cool.

I didn't see it on the 'smosh' tag? Idk if that's intentional thought you should know if it's not <3 -dot hell anon

TYSM i had so much fun making that one so im glad <3333

ah yeah... that was intentional. old habits die hard i guess? this got a little away from me so i put my extremely long rant under the cut, but tlwr: i try not to tag a lot of shipping stuff as /smosh.

see, i'm not new to the smosh fandom, but i am relatively new to THIS version of the fandom. i came back a couple of months ago but my real heyday was in like. 2018-2020. and we had pretty set rules for how we went about things, and one of the BIG ones was to never put anything ship-related in the main tags (those tags being cast names and the main smosh tag itself).

this was for a couple different reasons; first of all, some of the actual smosh staff was on tumblr (the official smosh blog for one, and i think one of the cast used tumblr at the time?? not sure on that one though as i Cannot remember), and we didn't want them to have to view rpf of themselves in spaces just generally meant for posting about them/their company. like say courtney, for example, goes into the 'courtney miller' tag - there's a difference between seeing a post about her bit in the new tntl and a post about them. fucking ian nasty style. not that there's anything wrong with the latter, just that i am very conscientious about not showing the real person fiction to the real person(s) in question, as was a lot of the smosh fandom.

second of all, not every smosh fan is into rpf. our venn diagram is not a circle. there was a time when i was not a part of the venn diagram. it's why i try to tag every post with 'shipping' and/or 'rpf' when it even vaguely hints at the stuff, so that not everybody has to see it. this isn't exclusive to this topic - i would do that for anything divisive. so, yeah, casual smosh fans scrolling the main tag probably don't want to see my silly ship edits, and i get that!!

since i've returned we obviously have a much different fandom culture - the old smosh blog shut down years ago and i'm fairly certain none of the cast checks tumblr anymore (and if they do and they're reading this: i'd like to apologize and beg for them to block me for both of our sanities). i've also made a few exceptions to my own rule, such as with the incorrect tweets bc i think those can mostly be written off as jokes and the lil au edits though i regret that at times. (i've been considering un-tagging those for a while tbh.) i've also realized recently that the tag 'smosh fic' just gets sorted directly into the 'smosh' tag which is. a pain in the ass. that's not what i said tumblr and you know it. so some of my content has been filtered in there. but you'll notice with the lil clips and text posts i post and stuff i almost never tag it as 'smosh' because. i just don't need people to see it ya know. i've got my people here and that's enough for me <3

that is all to say by the way that the new fandom culture is not BAD. as we all know, i'm very pro-rpf, so seeing rpf out there is great (as long as you know it's not tinhatting etc etc). we also have a very diverse community now with a lot of interesting ships and great fics that i would never have found without casually scrolling through the smosh tag!! it's also easier nowadays to block tags than ever; casual fans can just block the 'shipping' tag and have (relatively) easy access to the smosh tag. so please all of you keep doing you - i'm not your mother and i don't expect you to listen to lil ole me where i live perched up on my soap box. BUT idk if i personally can get over my hang-ups about tags.

[hoarding-niffler]

Thanks, I really appreciate it. I'll try leaving politics out. I really have nowhere else on the internet to socialize anymore since breaking from tumblr, and rn in my life situation the only chance I have of making friends is online. Sorry this is so long, I hope this much text isn't off-putting. In any case I appreciate seeing bloggers like you who keep on enjoying the game and hp universe despite all of this.

I'm nonbinary, nonwhite, studying to convert to Judaism, and I've been obsessed with hogwarts since I read the books as a child. I can't not interact with this world I love so much, not just as an escape to real life. I'm autistic and had a bad childhood and the books were the only thing that helped me deal, and now I mainly interact via fanfiction that essentially 'fixes' things from the books, and watch the movies. At this point I feel I can't live without the HP universe in my life, it is a core part of me. It bothers me that people in my own communities would essentially cast me out, because I play the game and have wanted something like this since I was a kid, that I'd be considered a bad person and cut off from necessary support. As if being accused of bigotry and hurt feelings is the only consequence I could face.

I already deal with a mild fear that toxic ex friends from on here will find my new blog, because of the way they went about ending our friendship. I'm afraid if they find my blog, which is loosely connected through a few old friends, they'll see it and put me on blast/ screenshot my blog/ talk about me with their friends like they used to. Like I used to (which I regret) because that's behavior that people in my 'community' encouraged when someone 'needed calling out' even if it was a mistake, or a well intentioned attempt at conversing and understanding someone else's pov to learn. I'm afraid to post screenshots on my main, or attach my HL sideblog to my main, in case it gets me hateful interactions which I have no heart to deal with anymore. It seems like hating this game and anyone who plays it is the stance of the majority of online LGBT spaces rn. I don't wanna hide it, but also need support from online spaces. I even feel bad playing and haven't gotten very far because this has all cast a negative feeling on the game for me.

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this and it honestly shouldn't be like that, but I'm well aware that things are nearly never black and white. There's a whole lot of grey in the world and most people do not know how to deal with it. That's how you get bullies, haters, scapegoats, and the list goes on.

I did not grow up with the books but I did grow up with the movies and I rewatch them regularly. I also love to read tons of fix-it fanfics (my favourite character is snape, of course, I need alternate universe fics where he survives lmao). I feel like most people hate so much on others enjoying the world of Harry Potter and therefore now Hogwarts Legacy because they are notoriously online and forgot what life is like in the real world. Things are not as simple as "Oh, you play this? Then you're EVIL". A lot of times, just like in your case, franchises give us support and strength, because life is fucking hard sometimes. Most times. Especially as a minority, I can't even imagine what fears you must face. And instead of realising that NOTHING we consume is pure and that people should look closer whether a person uses a franchise to gain strength from it or to spread hate, people rather point with their fingers and gatekeep their own communities, not realising how much damage they do on a broader scale. It's not only the people they keep out, it's also the people who listen in on this infighting and either get turned off from ever engaging with those communities (in positive ways) or the wrong people use exactly that to fuel their own hateful agendas. It's damaging all around, all because people prefer to take the easy route and accuse rather than discuss and understand.

Honestly, I get why you in your specific situation can't really say "fuck it" and ignore any possible consequences but I also think you shouldn't deprive yourself of what brings you genuine enjoyment. My suggestion would be to create a completely new main Tumblr blog with a second mail address and then a sideblog for your HP needs. And considering how you can look through the Hogwarts Legacy tag and finds SO MANY active players and defenders of the game who are, at the same time, completely against JK Terfling's insane views, shows that you can have your cake and eat it too. So far I experienced this community as very supportive and you just block everyone who gets aggressive. It makes your online experience so much more enjoyable, believe me.

You will not be able to stop people from talking about you. But you can stop it from affecting you as much as it does and seek out people who wouldn't do that to you in the first place.

Man, this got long and rambly and I don't know if anything of what I wrote makes sense BUT

you're always welcome in my asks and I bet the same goes for other Hogwarts Legacy fans on here. We got each other's back.

[fleursbending]

hiiiii me again!

can i dump my opinions about avatar here?? cuz im about to- if you don't mind hehehhe

jake with the whole tough love thing kind gets to me at times everytime i rewatch the film.

like i get that he has to do that given the kind of world they live in coz of the sky people but, there would be times where i just go "man, cut your sons some slack."

ESPECIALLY WITH LO'AK.

"you brought/bring shame to this family."

"you've done enough."

im not kidding when i say that this film trigger my daddy issues the whole way through, and I'm just ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

and i know that eventually it kinda get resolved with the whole "i see you, son." but still doesn't make me less pissed.

Anyways...

I STILL LOVE THE FILM THO, JAKE SULLY IS STILL THE DAD I NEVER HAD AND LO'AK IS STILL COOL.

byeeeee! sorry you had to see this ehehehe

-🍸🍸

okay😭😭 second times a charm. this is not gonna be as concise as the first time but tumblr deleted it andddd i have a lot to say so,

it personally took me a two rewatches to fully see jake and why he is the father he's become. yes he isn't the picturesque parenting 101. yeah he is definitely harder on his kids than the usual parents.

but considering the unique set of circumstances, raising his children of war was not easy. and he purposefully let it settle that way. he knew his children would become too much like he had been before, reckless and irresponsible.

lo'ak still managed to slip through the cracks because he still became jakes carbon copy. he sees so much or his youthfulness in lo'ak it scares him to no end because for jake - that's the heart of weakness. and so he didn't let up on lo'ak, if anything he made things even more harder for him. why? because everything lo'ak had to lose is what jake already had forcefully come to terms with.

he guided 15 clans to victory, as toruk makto. but its clear as day that weighs on him negatively more than you could ever know. his dear friends, his brother - he's lost so much and came to terms with it because he had no choice.

he was hoping he could prevent it with lo'ak. but he still ended up becoming just like him.

losing a brother, his life being threatened, survivors guilt, a very distinct hatred for himself. it sounds familiar for a reason.

"you've done enough" for me, can be interpreted in two ways.

1. you've done enough. you made a mistake that you must now carry with you for the rest of my life, and for that i'm sorry son.

2. you've done enough. i'm so sorry that the guilt of your actione are going to follow you for as long as you let it. please stay with your brother now or you will regret it.

another layer to it is that he knew lo'ak was too emotionally distraught, if jake brought lo'ak with him - it would have done more harm than good. so even if the dialogue sounds backwards, he was still doing everything in his willpower to protect his children even if all his body language didnt convey that.

lo'ak and neteyam are like that in a sense, both hard headed and the same exact amount. i just think lo'ak feels and fears so greatly. it's so saddening. and i apologise forrrrr rambling sm 1!

i am rahhhhxhsb1!!1

[sevrai]

I've been obsessed with Tokusatsu stuff for a few months now and haven't really wrapped my head around how I want to gush or ramble about it. I've probably posted random stuff on Twitter and just forgot but I need an excuse to post some pics here between comic updates and I don't see any Tumblr posts I've forgotten so HERE WE GO.

I've always loved Godzilla and the old Power Rangers seasons, and have spent years trying to get more into actual Super Sentai and Kamen Rider stuff, but never quite committed fully to any of it. Yet something just clicked in my brain and rewired my DNA earlier this year and now I'm cripplingly addicted. (Shin Kamen Rider didn't quite spark this, but the hype leading up to seeing it in theaters definitely helped fan the flames.)

I dunno why it took me so long to get hooked. It's all so up my alley. For a while I also thought I'd only be interested in the stuff closer to the 90's and 2000's eras and thought that the modern Riders looked too goofy and "toyetic," but then another click went off in my head and I got hooked on Geats. It was like a blastwave went off in my mind, suddenly I understood the appeal of Reiwa and late Heisei Rider.

I was enjoying it so much that I even impulse-bought a couple of DX Belt toys;

(They're basically absurdly expensive fidget toys for me to giggle at and I don't regret it for a second.)

I've been sorta bouncing back and forth through different eras as I decide what to watch. I watched Kamen Rider Black with Hayley, watched a ton of Geats on my own, then burnt through Kuuga.

And between Rider series I've been dabbling in Super Sentai, starting with Dairanger which had some fun doses of nostalgia, being the source of a bunch of footage from later episodes of MMPR. I also watched Shuriken Sentai Ninninger, which has a rep for being a weaker season but I still enjoyed it a lot.

(Especially Kyuemon. Apparently my weakness for femboys and weird monster guys is not immune to a goofy rubber suit in a toku show, especially when the two are combined.)

I don't want this to be as long-winded as the Armored Core post, but I definitely want to share more Toku stuff as I move through the series. I hope I don't burn myself out but I can't stop watching them. I started Ultraman Tiga recently, too. While not as up my alley as the other two of the big three, I do love me some kaiju and exploding miniatures.

It's so rare I get into something that I can't articulate the appeal of without just bluntly saying "it's fun." It fires off the same neurons in my brain as pro wrestling. It's stupid and super fun. Pretty easy to find these shows around the internet, too. Shin Kamen Rider is on Amazon Prime, and a lot of the older stuff can be dug up on the Internet Archive or streamed on Tubi.

(Those just being the most accessible options for peeps who don't want to dawn their pirate hats and go sailing the seas of nyaa, of course.)

[doevademe]

I've come to bother you for 'Love is not Soft and Fluffy' because it was such a lovely ride to see Percy's journey focused on an unlikely romantic interest because Percabeth is the easy ship, the effortless friends to lovers trope that people usually root for because they have known each other since forever and it's easy to picture them as that one Golden Couple, so, this makes me feel all giddy. This fic was lovely, it was tender, it was painful at times that I wished Riordan had taken a route like this in the early years, because even if I love Solangelo, I am bitter as any other normal Nico fan about Nico having a rebound romance rather than an actual romance plot with relevance (and not with a rushed background character that was conveniently there). Thing is!! I loved that bitter remark about having Annabeth ending up with a background character at the end because it was so satisfying and omg I just can't describe how much this small rewrite made me feel. I've been following your blog for the small Percico drabbles (since nowadays don't read a lot of satisfying Percico), so, finding out you are this fic's writer kind of clicked in my mind in a kind of 'THATS WHY I LOVE THIS NICO' way. You see, I love all types of Percico content, I welcome it! But usually people writes a real bitter Nico, that sometimes I feel that that's everything there is to be about his character. A bitter dark character with a dry humor. But your Nico has always felt human in a way I have grown greatly fond of. This is a Nico I can write without feeling like I'm writing your typical emo-kinda-meta sad boy of Wattpad. Thank you and I wish I could be more eloquent with my adoration for your story, but this is all I can think of after clicking on your tumblr link and finding out it was you, so, kind of got excited and decided to write you my thoughts on good ol' Tumblr inbox fashion. I wish you the best, that you keep writing ti your heart's content anything that your mind is set on at the moment, your writing never stops making me feeling all gushy and mushy. Read you later!!!🌈

Wow, thank you 😳 To be honest, while I still love this story, I have a lot of regrets about Love is not Soft and Fluffy. My first couple chapters were a bit choppy, and while I stand by not recounting whole PJO/HOO narrative when it would mostly stay the same, my way of summarizing what happened between scenes could use some improvement.

But it was a story I wanted to see. Percy being the one pining for Nico is something that intrigued me, and no one else was writing it without making it mutual pining. Nico's characterization in particular is one I'm very proud of, so I'm glad you liked it. He's strong, kind and compassionate, while also acidic and into morbid and sarcastic humor with a defeatist attitude. A true Knight in Sour Armor, if we use the TVTropes name, rather than just an emo tsundere.

Love is not Soft and Fluffy was a learning experience. It was my first chaptered Percico fic after I got back into writing, and I'm always excited when others tell me it was a story they enjoyed reading.

[rainbowangel110]

*cracks knuckles* Challenge accepted @bloodied-dagger :)

Have fun y'all :D

1: When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

More cereal cuz crunchy

2: Do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

Depends on if it's dry air or not, if it's dry, NOPE

3: What random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

Unlike a certain someone I actually use bookmarks! There were these bookmarks you can make so you just put em on the corner of the page that you're reading and it's really cute :D really easy to make

4: How do you take your coffee/tea?

I don't drink tea, but I drink the fluffy coffee that my mom makes

5: Are you self-conscious of your smile?

Sometimes when my picture is being taken, other times it's "Eh fuck it, we ball."

6: Do you keep plants?

Does the bouquet that my sister bought for me from HEB on b-day count?? (They were white daisies that were dyed a light blue)

7: Do you name your plants?

No

8: What artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

I normally just sketch it out whenever I feel like it

9: Do you like singing/humming to yourself?

In my head, but whenever no ones around it kinda spills out quietly (My singing voice is not great)

10: Do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

Side and back

11: What’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

Lol you guys hang out with your irl friends?

12: What’s your favorite planet?

I have a soft spot for Mars cuz it's what got me curious about space in the first place!

13: What’s something that made you smile today?

My mutuals hanging out with fun tags to read and Percy Jackson and The Sea of Monsters

14: If you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

We have our own rooms, with sunny windows and a balcony, maybe a cat, and it feels homey

15: Go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

Ain't googling nothing cuz!!! Did you know that if you fell into a black hole, you would see time speed up so fast that you could potentially see everything that happens for the rest of time? And on the other side, from the other persons perspective, you slow down so much that at some point you'd stop, and then disappear? This is because the black hole's point of singularity is so dense that it warps space-time really hard, it becomes an inverted pinpoint on the plane of reality :D

16: What’s your favorite pasta dish?

Normally my family just boil up some pasta and throw in veggies, meant, ketchup and soy sauce.

17: What color do you really want to dye your hair?

I think it's be cool if I had a dark blue fade in, cuz my hair is already really dark brown

18: Tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

Really old, from 7th grade lunch break, someone from the table asked "Hey, anyone know what the Spanish word for dog is?" and I confidentially go "Puta :D"

Which apparently means bitch :D so I guess I was half right?

19: Do you keep a journal? What do you write/draw/ in it?

No

20: What’s your favorite eye color?

OH it has to be amber or some form of heterochromia, sectoral or total to be exact, it's so pretty!

21: Talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

Applies to my school bag from middle school (which I don't have anymore). Thing was with me through thick and thin.

22: Are you a morning person?

*glances at the clock* *1:35 am* No

23: What’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

Tumblr, Reddit, read, and if I feel like it, draw

24: Is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Doubt it

25: What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

Excuse me?! Yeah no never broken into a place before sorry

Oooh, a quarter of the way! Starting to regret opening the read more?

26: What are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

Sandals lol

27: What’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

Like Dagger said on his thing, bubblegum is a flavor. And like Dagger said, watermelon. You can't ever go wrong with watermelon gum :)

28: Sunrise or sunset?

Sunrises are pretty to look at I will say

29: What’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

When they ramble about something they're into and are very enthusiastic about it, very adorable.

30: Think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Yes

31: What is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

Socks are great, I don't wear em to bed tho. I have this pair of socks that have a base grey color with the border being blue and it has colorful stars on it

32: Tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Lol I've never hung out with friends on occasion, and definitely not till 3 am

33: What’s your fave pastry?

Cupcakes ig (but not too much frosting!), and sugar cookies

34: Tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. What is it called? What does it look like? Do you still keep it?

I have this stuffed doll I got from my grandmother for my first birthday (or so I'm told) and it's blond with and orange hat, dress, and shoes. I still have it, it's in my closet.

35: Do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

They look cool but I've only ever had the multicolor pen

36: Which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

^ Has never listened to a band ever

37: Do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

I like it clean (rn my cousin is in my room with my sister so that one is REALLY messy, meanwhile the guest room I'm staying is really clean and I like it a lot :D)

38: Tell us about your pet peeves!

Muttering under your breath. Annoys the heck out of me

39: What color do you wear the most?

Blue cuz blue jeans lol

40: Think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

This pastel earring set shaped like flowers/hearts/butterflies that I have, very cute (don't wear it all that much but I like it)

41: What’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

The PJO set I have right next to me rn, Salt to the Sea, A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, Rise of Kyoshi, Wings of Fire: Darkstalker

42: Do you have a favorite coffee shop? Describe it!

Don't have one

43: Who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

MAN I WISH

44: When was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

Rn ig, it's really chill

45: Do you trust your instincts a lot?

I use them to gauge how to respond to people sometimes

46: Tell us the worst pun you can think of.

What do you call a lamp training for a sporting contest? An O-LAMP-ic athlete :D

47: What food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Would have said tomatoes, but they actually have a use (ketchup, tomato sauce on pizza etc), so pickles it is

48: What was your biggest fear as a kid? Is it the same today?

Snakes and YES STILL SCARED OF EM

49: Do you like buying CDs and records? What was the last one you bought?

Never bought one

50: What’s an odd thing you collect?

I don't collect

Halfway there Dagger and Enb :)

51: Think of a person. What song do you associate with them?

Does a fictional person count? Actually fuck it, Nimona as "All is Soft Inside" by Aroura

52: What are your favorite memes of the year so far?

The Barbie and Ken mugshots are funny

53: Have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? Heathers? Beetlejuice? Pulp fiction? What do you think of them?

Nope, never seen a horror picture show

54: Who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

Can't recall

55: What’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

Y'all remember that one time Dagger was making a joke about us Live Slug Reaction-ing Sofi and Human and used Esme as an example, and we all said "NAH they do the same thing", and I screenshotted a bunch of their posts of them being lovey dovey? Twas a fun day.

56: What are some things you find endearing in people?

When they are passionate about something and ramble about it

57: Go listen to bohemian rhapsody. How did it make you feel? Did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

I can't listen to it rn cuz it's late any my headphones are far away

58: Who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? Why?

No one really

59: What’s your favorite myth?

There's a lot to pick from here....

60: Do you like poetry? What are some of your faves?

Not really a poetry enthuisast

61: What’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? The stupidest one you’ve ever received?

My mom is like "Oh, your friend (who I haven't talked to in a long time) it grown up, lets get a gift card for her!"

And then there was that one time I got perfume. Not a person who wears perfume regularly mind you.

62: Do you drink juice in the morning? Which kind?

Does water count?

63: Are you fussy about your books and music? Do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

For my books? ABSOULUTLY!! Keep em safe so I can read em

64: What color is the sky where you are right now?

Black

65: Is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

My friends Alex, Carolyn, and Nicole

66: What would your ideal flower crown look like?

As long as it's pretty I'm okay with one :)

67: How do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

They feel cozy

68: What’s winter like where you live?

Cold wind but no snow

69: What are your favorite board games?

Scrabble and Ludo ig?? I like Uno better

70: Have you ever used a ouija board?

I would prefer not to mess with te spirits of those who must pass on

71: What’s your favorite kind of tea?

I don't drink tea

72: Are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

Nah not really.

73: What are some of your worst habits?

Chewing my nails and inside of my mouth

74: Describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

Artsy, talented, definitely got a hang on life

75: Tell us about your pets!

I don't have any

Almost there! 25 questions left :D

76: Is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

Sleeping :)

77: Pink or yellow lemonade?

Yellow

78: Are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

I wanna drop kick em

79: What’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

My sister making Pokémon drawings for me on my birthday

80: what color are your bedroom walls? Did you choose that color? If so, why?

They are the classic whitish color, was there when we got the house

81: Describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

Autumn but there's still green on some trees

82: Are/were you good in school?

I could do better honestly.

83: What’s some of your favorite album art?

Uhh I dunno any albums

84: Are you planning on getting tattoos? Which ones?

Never really been into tatoos

85: Do you read comics? What are your faves?

I have a Webtoons account, I love Hand Jumper, Purple Hyacinth, Castle Swimmer, Beetle Hands, Saphie the One Eyed Cat, Rooftops and Roommates, Lumine, Little Matcha Girl, Acception and there's more I'm blanking on

86: Do you like concept albums? Which ones?

Idk what those are sorry

87: What are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Nimona (sorry for the small spoilers Dagger!!), Spiderman ISV/ASV

88: Are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

Eh not really

89: Are you close to your parents?

Kinda

90: Talk about your one of you favorite cities.

Houston is okay??? If you ignore a lot of stuff

91: Where do you plan on traveling this year?

Eh, not really traveling anywhere

92: Are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

Honestly don't know, the soy sauce/meat/veggies do it for me

93: What’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

Was a ponytail until I got this haircut that's a little too short, so it's open until I'm able to tie it up again into a tiny ponytail

94: Who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

Charolette aka @angelcloves

95: What are your plans for this weekend?

Spend time with my cousin, maybe work on this draft of LDRAU

96: Do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

Procrastinate, but not a lot

97: Myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

No fucking clue, Cancer, never looked it up and never gonna

98: When’s the last time you went hiking? Did you enjoy it?

No clue man

99: List some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

"Pokémon Legends Arcus: Giratina"

Runaway by Aurora (I think it's neat)

"Help! Oh Well" by Something Else YT (Again, it's cool)

100: If you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? Why?

On one hand, I can go back in time and help younger me know that the bullies are gonna be gone soon, and that we'll be fine (and maybe deck said bullies while I'm at it), but on the other hand I'm uncertain about the future and myself. Can I take both? I want both please

AND THAT'S THE END FOLKS :D .... Hello?? Anypony still here???

Oh. Well, I'll leave this here if anyone wants to answer all of the question or reblog it :)

[veone]

I feel like this community likes to brush things under the rug quickly and that's why things get worse or are not moving. Also it's mostly by people that weren't there when the community wasn't so dependent on patreon so to them it's the norm. Like if you compare cc creators that are always free and the numbers of cc creators doing early access it's ridiculous. A hobby is supposed to be fun, not dead because everyone is only thinking about making money on a hobby.

And another thing is the "just wait or pay" mindset, it's so easy to say that but when people who have access because they paid or have connections do those promotions, hype the cc, for the ones who can't afford them it feels like missing on all the fun and I don't know to me it's again a "poor people can't have fun and they shouldn't complain about it" and I already can't go outside to have fun because I have no money so to see one of the community I like being like this is just very sad. Like sure I'll wait and get the cc but then everyone has already moved on to the next early access cc, no one's talking about it. I have it, nice but I missed the fun with the community. [Luckily we can have fun with other things here thank god but since we became a lot cc focused the gap is bigger]

Sorry for this whole rant, I kinda need to rant somewhere to process it sorry.

You're good!

"I feel like this community likes to brush things under the rug quickly and that's why things get worse or are not moving." Simblr unfortunately like a lot of communities online has a short memory and an issue with having conversations that aren't simple interactions under a nice edit. It's frustrating, every time you add any type of nuisance to a conversation being had their always someone big shutting it down, or trying to because they don't agree with what's being said or they haven't done enough reading on the topic and are cherry picking information.

A lot of people use sims as escapism and like to think of the community should adhere to that standard. This is why we can't have a conversation that's gonna have differing opinions and it gets written off as toxic drama. It's weird to see, I populate a lot of drama communities and it's normal to have discourse and let it ride out naturally. But people on tumblr, kinda just shut it down and write anyone off for discussing it further than they want to as terminally online like the situations are gonna just disappear overnight.

" And another thing is the "just wait or pay" mindset, it's so easy to say that but when people who have access because they paid or have connections do those promotions" man, the way we do free advertising for so many creators and don't even realize it. I don't even wait for something to come out on early access anymore, something else came out, and it's locked, and I've been let down so many times by creators I just don't even look at people's stuff as much. and same! I never get to the fun things I would like because if decided to go to dave n buster and enjoy myself I'd be uncomfortably low on funds and regret that purchase, it is nice we have other things to keep the community fun besides cc releases.

[erstwhilesparrow]

what's double life, sparrow? it almost sounds like a dnd podcast title jsdfgkjh

reyni, i would like to preface this by saying that i'm genuinely delighted and flattered by your consistent efforts to reach out / discuss shared interests, and that i hope my responses reasonably convey how much i like seeing you in my inbox. i appreciate you! :]

that said. i regret to inform you double life is not a dnd podcast; it is a minecraft roleplay series on youtube. double life is the third season of what i think we're calling the life series, where a bunch of creators scheme, collect resources, and fight to the death on a very small map. the goal is to hold on to your limited number of lives longer than everyone else, and the prize is [???]. (the prize is you have fun fucking around with your friends, and a lot of people on the internet get very sad about your roleplay character.) i have seen double life be described by turns as a telenovela, a sitcom, and a minecraft gay marriage simulator. i really really like it, and in particular i'm a huge fan of the way they do soulmates, but i will put that under a cut for reasons of [talking a lot about something that is not really directly answering the question]. i'm (not very) sorry that i keep reblogging fanart that makes silly youtube videos look all edgy and serious :P

hi there, welcome to the space underneath the readmore! the thing about double life is its shiny new conceit, the thing that makes it different from previous seasons of the life series, is (:sparkles:) soulmates! each player is "soulbound" to one other player, and what this means mechanically is that when one of them takes damage, the other person takes that same amount of damage. what this means narratively, on the other hand, has widely varied depending on the creator / soulbound pair.

i've tried describing this set-up to multiple people without mentioning the minecraft component and the thing that particular exercise has thrown into sharp focus is that "person who feels your physical pain (and only your physical pain)" is. not necessarily a very conventional definition of soulmate. and the thing i keep ending up at is that i kind of adore that fact? it gets dressed up in language and behaviour we typically use when dealing with romantic relationships (some characters refer to their soulbound partners as their "crazy exes", others find their partner and immediately start flirting with them, i mean even just the fact that they call this being soulmates) but it is so important to me that the soulbond is fundamentally a game mechanic.

it's completely arbitrary who gets paired with who, and i know that none of the creators went into this game with the goal of picking apart the whole way people often think about romance, but the fact of its randomness combined with the ways the players talk about the bond is so deeply appealing to me for a soulmate story because i think it opens up avenues and / or spaces for discussing aspects of romantic relationships i am personally very interested in exploring?

i've thought for a long time about soulmate stories, because i'm invested in Doing Weird Shit to romance tropes (see: that summer i wrote what is to date my longest published fic about hanahaki But Make It Weirder) and this is sure one of them! i know there are other people -- on tumblr even! -- who are interested in this too, but i've never been totally satisfied with the stories i've seen?

like, obviously, just playing the trope straight throws me off because it constantly feels... too easy? like it shouldn't have worked out that neatly? it typically assumes a certain amount of... natural importance to romance that i don't agree with? but the ones that try to complicate the trope have also never quite clicked for me. the closest i've gotten to being able to say why is... i think they are often "what if soulmates existing sucked for this one specific person because [this person isn't their soulmate's soulmate / this person is in love with someone who isn't their soulmate / this person doesn't seem to have a soulmate at all / this person is aro which comes with its own set of potential complications]?" and there's. it feels like a personal problem? one that that specific person has to [repress / ignore / cope with / solve]? and that, on top of being wildly depressing, just. doesn't ring true or feel interesting to me?

because sometimes [gestures broadly at the whole thing of dating / relationships / falling in love] is good for people! it works out for them, and they genuinely are getting things they need / want out of it even though it's not perfect! i care about stories that can play around with that! i don't care about stories where this works out fairy-tale-happy-ending perfect, but i do care about what it takes to get to this being Good For You, what those types of people might fail to consider when they assess other people's relationships, the very subtle ways things can go wrong in a relationship because parties involved have been told their whole lives that this thing they're doing is Good and Correct and The Only Way, what it looks like to feel that pressure toward a romantic relationships and attempt to conform to those expectations, and so on. there are so many different ways to be hurt here! and that sort of thing just. doesn't fit into either of the models of soulmate stories i've described above?

but double life! double life has So Much of that! it's so delicious! there's such a range in the way that the players approach the bond, and it's so so fun and useful as a springboard for thinking about and illustrating -- in the [greatly exaggerated for funsies but nevertheless reflective of real parts of our society] way of sci-fi / fantasy fiction -- so many of the ways people approach romance, outside of the binary of [Perfect And Good] and [Just The Shittiest Ever]. and, again, i cannot imagine any of the creators set out to On Purpose say any of the stuff i've described here -- it was improv and playing around and friends trying out new stories to tell. but they give themselves over to an arbitrary system for defining their relations to each other, and some struggle to fit themselves to it and others don't, and we as the audience can see just how arbitrary it is but we and they find meaning regardless, and none of them think to say, "hey, what if we just gave up on every single piece of this system entirely?" and in the end it all falls apart anyway, because separate from being a soulmate story it was also a death game and it was never not going to be a tragedy. i care So Much about it. despite this being the season where the rules of the game themselves seemed to intertwine themselves with the concept of love, it was also the season where the power of love failed, where everything unravelled not despite but because of it.

[camillewasthere]

february 18

I made it back to my tumblr. I've been writing sporadically in different journals. But somehow I always find myself back here lol. I'm officially a single gal. Big wowzers. Honestly. I'm proud of myself for going through with it. I want to say that I regret not doing it earlier but I'm trying to be better about not regretting things. We were together almost 7 years but it honestly felt like 4. The pandemic really prolonged things. It's easy to go over all the things that could have been different if I did so and so earlier or took the other direction in the fork but none of that matters because this is now. All I can worry about is now. Not even worry, really. But think. Now is all I have.

My mental space has cleared a lot. But now it's consumed by other issues. I got a pap at my recent appointment with my new pcp and I officially need to get a leep procedure in April lol. Is it weird that i'm not even stressing. As much as it sucks, I'm glad that I caught it this early. Hopefully it's something that just goes away after that but who knows. What's the point in stressing about outcomes I have no control over currently. That's only semi-true. Technically I can boost my immune system to make myself less susceptible. I'll get there eventually. Right now, my head is one big jumble of things I need to do. Different roads I can take and which one sounds best. I'm so so so so torn right now. I love my dogs. I would never be able to just give them up. So I'm stuck. I'm trying to reframe my mindset though. Why do I feel stuck? Is it because I feel held down by them? What is my alternative? Being lonely but with more money. Is that better? It's hard to say. But I know they love me. They rely on me. Just like kids rely on their parents. I'm not fucking evil lol. So I need to be responsible and just figure it out. I know I will but the thought makes me anxious. The only way it would work and I would feel comfortable is if

1) I pick up one extra shift a week

2) I move to the bay area and make almost double what i'm making

3) Move to Hawaii

4) Find someone reliable to help me (aka a family member)

5) Find my dogs a step dad LOL

It's only been about three months since the breakup but it feels like it's been longer to be honest. 2023 literally felt like a year squeezed into a few months. Who the fuck was I even. I'm trying to find the person I used to be, but now with added wisdom lol. I don't feel old at all. But sometimes I see people a few years younger than me and think shit. I'm getting to the point where I'd be dating full ass adults. Like 35+ year olds. Fucking barf lol.

I just want to be youthful forever. This brings back the conversation about kids lol. Fuck kids honestly. I used to be so scared of the time constraint. But deciding in my head that it's okay if I don't have kids is liberating. Why have them. I have family. I have my sister and my brothers. And possibly a future husband/partner idfk.

I've been feeling very apathetic about it all, which is fine. I really enjoy focusing on myself. As uncomfortable as this has all been, it's also been beautiful. I'm learning a lot about myself and what I expect out of my life. I enjoy my own company, truly. We'll see where i'll be in my next update. As much as I love the idea of dating someone new, I also mentally can't imagine it lol. Lori and her boyfriend are trying to set me up with a close friend. Unfortunately for me, i'm the biggest fuckin creeper known to man and I stalked his profile pretty heavily LOL. As embarrassing as that is. Old Camille would act on impulse probably. Do things to force an outcome. New Camille is realizing that I'm worth more than that. I'm not going to be the person who obsesses first anymore. I want someone who wants me the way that I used to want other people. I deserve that for myself. Anything less than is just not worth my time anymore. I'm so tired of wasted time.

xx me

[theyellowink]

Entry's #1: All too well.

Perhaps when you received the link connected to this tumblr blog, I am not longer there to be your number #1 of supporter. I am just someone you used to know and, who knows we might passes somewhere but we are just a perfect stranger to each other.

You must be wonder why I had this blog prepared (even in advance) to you. Simply because I know soon or sooner things will get worst between us and I actually mentally prepared since today (or maybe few days ago: the date for today is the first of May by the way).

Thinking again, there is no such a way for me to give up on us but, I have been hearing lots of "lets break up" or "I might ask for a break up if you are still sulking". Funny how it is so easy for you to utter the words when I am always trying my best not to mention that words and keep fighting for us no matter how cold you treat me.

So, when you received this link, it is actually to grant your wish aka you mention the "break up" for the third time to me. It is fine, I am going to be fine. I have been thinking to grant your wish because why bother I do keep trying if you doesn't want too?

I love you. I love you so much to being able to let go. It is not going to be easy for me but if I am going to sabotage myself all over again (for few times) to forgive you and give you ultimate chances then I guess I never love myself at all. Not even once.

I slowly think I lose myself while trying my best. It is not like I don't appreciate our 3 years of relationship. I do appreciate it. I learnt so much with you and, I know, I also need to learn how to let go someone that I love so dearly aka you.

Worry not, I am not going to bother you any longer and you can feel all freely to enjoy living in this world. I will seek for my happiness and move on from you. People come and go and I will be okay when the times has arrive.

I gave you a key to my happiness and, guess the key is not longer belongs to you. I will keep the key safe by myself and be happy while I am trying to wake up again.

It is not going to be easy for me. It is not but it is okay. I want you to be happy.

Please enjoy my tumblr blog's entries that I will update day by day until the day you mention the wish for the third time. This is me, my unsaid thoughts and all the loves for the last time.

Thank you for made me regret my life choice.

I wish you all well as I will also remember all of these too well.

Sincerely,

me.

Ps: entries edited from time to time.