#believe me when i say the entire plot is mapped and every chapter has an outline i just... have to WRITE it

[lostmykeysie]

Absolutely loving your characterization of Dorcas! Sexy mean lesbians unite!

SEXY MEAN LESBIANS UNITE!!!!!! LET'S GO LESBIANS LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!

man i am so excited to get back into two knights defence. i've got the final epilogue for the missing link to finish (it's a completely new pov folks, i think it will very much be a surprise) and i've just started posting reason to paint, my wolfstar buy a bachelor AU, which is about 80% written and should be wrapped up and posted within the next few weeks. THEN it's back to 2KD baby!!!!!

i'm really really excited to get into dorlene for the first time, finally on my lesbo shit <3 i am also genuinely excited about the plot, too, it's very much AU and i hope it will read well enough as a sexy fun mystery. we shall see!!!!!!!!!

[raxistaicho]

Using Yellow Edelgard to attack Red Céline!

Somehow, Fantasy Invader's analysis of Engage manages to be even more sad than his analysis of 3H. So let's dive into more of it :)

Also, Céline is my favorite characters from Engage, so Fantasy Invader is kinda stepping into my lane by talking about her.

One of the things about Celine is how despite her cute appearance she is quite ruthless.

Oh yes, that took me by surprise too. I was sure she'd just be the third rendition of Lissa and Elise, but she went her entire joining chapter without bringing up her tea quirk, unlike... every single other character in Engage to that point, who make their gimmicks immediately known...

Thank god Céline was way more interesting than that! Its plot is pretty vapid and zero-effort, but some of the characters were at least way better than anything Fates or Awakening squirted out.

This is rather curious to me, as the Houses devs said something to the same effect about Edelgard. Namely how her being the game's would-be conqueror and stuff was meant to take players by surprise, and how this gave the character depth.

Oh boy. No, you fucking idiot, the dichotomy when it came to Edelgard was her endearing moments and her strong will. Not her physical cuteness and her ruthlessness.

I don't expect Fantasy Invader to read my blogs and learn why he's wrong (he has asks off and immediately blocks anyone who tries to engage with him without response, so he's pretty clearly arrogantly confident in his delusions of intelligence), but I do expect him to occasionally recheck his assertions. I always double-check myself. But then, I'm not burdened by such unearned confidence as Fantasy Invader.

It also doesn't help that alternate-timeline Celine advocates conquest herself, and in the final map of the DLC talks about how great it is she's free from her responsibilities (and can crush her opponents) while equipped with Emblem Edelgard.

Yes, alternate Céline, who was murdered and risen by a rogue dragon who is then given headpats and forgiven for all the things because uwu Nel cawed fow him :'3

Also, I like how they only acknowledge it's Emblem Edelgard, also starring Dimitri and Claude, when they can use it to attack Edelgard, roflmao.

Lastly, given that Fell Fogado and Fell Ivy, the most openly villainous and wretched of the Fell Royals, respectively had Tiki and Soren, does that say something about them? Dragons bad actually? Mixed race people abuse their siblings? It's funny how reliably self-defeating Fantasy Invader's arguments are because they always stop the second he thinks he has a win so he doesn't get to the parts where they don't fit his narrative.

That last one sticks out a bit, since Edelgard had a similar event in FEH where she talked with Lissa about how awful it is that she has responsibilities thrust upon her simply for being born a noble.

I don't play Heroes and I don't know where I'd begin to look to double-check this, but I'm just going to assume FI is wrong about something. I'm certainly not going to take his word for it.

Hubert and Monica's support also talks about how this is part of Edelgard's plan.

I believe he's referring to:

It's amazing how "you'll be free to live the life you choose and remain at the side of the woman you love" got twisted into, "Edelgard just wants to free everyone of icky responsibilities!"

Just as Edelgard wants to enable commoners to rise up and enjoy the benefits once afforded solely to the nobility, she also wants to allow those who don't want to be noble to live ordinary lives.

Three Houses is full of people who, despite being born into nobility, don't want to live ordinary noble lives. Bernadetta, Caspar, Marianne, Linhardt, and Lysithea are examples of this. There's no inconsistency here: Edelgard's motive is to allow people to live the kinds of lives they want.

Not a huge surprise that an Edelgard detractor is against a person's right to self-determination. FI believes Fodlan needs Byleth to become a Nabatean and rule them compassionately.

This is a core piece of morality to the franchise since the beginning with Marth's “I'm a prince before I'm a son or brother” line at the end of the first game.

The difference there is Marth chooses to shoulder that kind of responsibility. Most Fire Emblem lords do, Edelgard included. While she only wants an ordinary life, she still dedicates herself to a cause that will surely consume most of her life.

The whole concept of Oudou, whereas Edelgard is supposed to represent Hadou.

Hadou means self-determination? Well damn, Hadou is pretty based then!

And we know Celine protects the people. She wiped out bandits who were preying on villagers without mercy... Edelgard, on the other hand, is willing to sacrifice as many people as it takes in service to her ideals

I have a feeling Céline herself would disagree with the idea that she would not sacrifice some of her people to protect the rest.

ideals she shares with the bandit Nemesis.

It's funny how Fantasy Invader insists Edelgard is following Nemesis's ideals when Nemesis's ideals of warrior pride is most-reflected in Faerghus's warrior/knighthood culture.

She's guided belief that she's going to make a better future by doing so. Celine helps support her brother Alfred, whose upgraded class is Avenir. Avenir is french for Future, ergo Celine is fighting for the future by supporting Alfred.

Ironic, considering Alfred usually dies young, implicitly leaving Céline to succeed him. This is further hinted at that Céline, not Alfred, is linked to Celica, the national Emblem of Firene, much as Diamant, Ivy, and Timerra are linked to the Emblems of Brodia, Elusia, and Solm. So really, I think she's the future here.

In addition, Alfred is a blonde who has a talent for lances, horseback riding and will die at a young age due to his illness.

We're going somewhere stupid. Very, very stupid. You know where this is going, I mocked it myself ages ago.

Edelgard's step brother Dimitri

Dimitri didn't learn Edelgard was his step-sister until after she returned to Fodlan, and Edelgard never even learned it at all. Their friendship during their younger days is what was important to them, not that their parents were married. So, I'm sorry, but you're reaching mightily trying to portray these two as siblings the way Céline and Alfred are.

is blonde, specializes in lances, has a hidden talent for horseback riding, is mentioned to die to illness before his partner and is stronger than Alfred could ever dream of. Coincidence?

Yes, it actually is a coincidence. I can say that with very little margin for error, because Dimitri and Alfred are so distinct in terms of design outside the most basic traits that it's insane.

Just look at their designs!

Alfred's dressed in blue, white, and gold, wears very fancy and impractical clothing for the battlefield, has a very friendly and confident air about him, is boundlessly optimistic, and lives for the moment and the living.

Dimitri wears blue and black, dresses very practically and militarily, is insecure, guarded, lives for the dead, and dwells in the past.

The only true comparison between them is their hair color and weapon of choice, so you might as well argue Camus and Clive fit into this too, somehow. Hell, Clive's a brother, too, so I think we really need to dig deep into the relationship between Edelgard, Céline, and Claire, while we're at it. Oh! Claire and Celine both have blonde hair and a refined disposition!

Lastly, Dimitri is never shown riding a horse unless the player puts him on one. He's always shown on foot in anything related to the lore. Hell, we see Claude ride a horse one more time than we do Dimitri.

This is so typical of Fantasy Invader's style of analysis, he ALWAYS does this. He focuses hard on what supports his arguments and just totally ignores the parts that don't. Motivated reasoning is the name of the game with him.

Celine's personal class is Vidame.

In the localized version. In the JP version it was the French word for "flower", which fits her nicely.

Now, Vidame was actually a type of French noble associated with the Church. In order to protect the Church's, uhh, earthly interests they would perform acts that weren't considered appropriate for the Church to be involved in. This usually meant violence, even in the event of it being an act of justice or to protect others. So Celine's class does have a religious tint to it, a link to her family's connection to the Divine Dragons...and honestly fits her really well.

That said, the localized name isn't exactly bad, but the thing is Celine isn't motivated by her religiosity. Much like... nearly everyone in Engage aside from Ivy, Mauvier, Pandreo, and Panette, religiosity is just a small thing they do to facilitate the worship of Alear. Because Engage isn't really interested in the deeper meaning of faith, it just wants the player to feel like a god.

But then look at the Empire, founded with the support of the early Church that formed around Seiros.

For the sake of killing Nemesis. That's why the Empire exists. Not so Rhea could guide the lost sheep.

One of the original ideals for the nobility, according to Hanneman, was that they protect their people but that has fallen to the wayside as nobles instead used their positions for their own power.

And, again, Fantasy Invader thinks Edelgard twisted things to not be that way, when the reality is she's trying to drag it back to fulfill the role it was intended to fulfill and failed to fulfill.

This is partially why the Empire is supposed to represent hadou, the other is Edelgard ruling through military power.

Celine's class is closer to what the emperor should have been.

Hmm. I wonder how silly Edelgard would look wearing the upside-down teacup dress.

Edelgard's route is named Safflower/Crimson Flower, Firene is the land of flowers.

But wait, Alfred is the prince of flowers (he references them far more then Celine does) and earlier on Fantasy Invader was trying to compare him to Dimitri, whose route is not named after flowers.

Amazing how flimsy FI's arguments are.

Houses banks on tea-time, to the point of selling teas IRL, Celine is a tea expert.

Tea is a big thing in Firene in general. It gets brought up most with Céline, but it's mentioned frequently in most of the Firenian characters' supports.

I don't see why Edelgard detractors think tea-time is such a big deal in Houses, it's honestly generally a waste except on birthdays when it doesn't cost you explore points.

I've talked before about Hortensia's connection to Emblem Byleth, how her story parallels Silver Snow and how defecting from the Empire is supposed to be the right thing rather than continuing it's decline by fighting for it.

Yup, that was pretty bad.

Elusia is also the Kingdom of Knowledge, whereas the Empire's original meritocracy was, in addition to protecting the people, supposed to be about valuing knowledge.

The Empire was not a meritocracy. Ever. Aristocracies and meritocracies are antithetical.

But when you look at Celine, it just seems to be that they intentionally made a character that was supposed to be like Edelgard

So, in spite of my joke that Céline is "yellow Edelgard", they share little in common aside from being short young women who are willing to take extreme measures to protect people. Céline most notably lacks Edelgard's sense of class-conscience (that her solution to banditry in Firene is to kill the bandits rather than resolve the socio-economic conditions that gave rise to banditry is pretty telling), mostly because Engage has very little of substance to say on the matter of social conflict between the nobility and the commoners. The solution, much as it is in Azure Moon, is just to place the "right nobles" in charge.

I mean hell, even in gameplay they differ. Céline is a squishy mage with some capacity to fight on the front lines (though she only seems meant to fight fellow mages) and use staves, while Edelgard is a pure bruiser.

And no, it's very unlikely Céline was written to compare her to Edelgard. The two games were created at the same time, the Edelgard DLC Bracelet was pretty clearly a late addition, and Fell Céline isn't even especially bad compared to the rest. She comes across as not as bad as Fell Ivy, Fogado, or Alcryst. If she was meant as an apology for Edelgard, she'd be more openly villainous, as Ivy and Fogado are, not motivated by desperation.

Granted, considering how Fogado is supposed to be just like Celine in the service to his sister, and how Houses likes to say Claude is similar to Edelgard initially, I guess we have all three lords having their Engage counterparts.

Ah, yes, Fogado is a brown guy who acts friendly and Claude is also a brown guy who acts friendly! Perfect counterparts!

Except they're not. Fogado is genuinely a friendly, tactful, empathetic man who deftly conceals a machiavellian side for the sake of his sister and people, while Claude plays at being friendly to conceal the fact he's actually rather untrusting, plays at being a schemer as a front, and is rather tactless and insensitive. They're pretty different, and assuming they aren't is kinda racist.

[nightthinker-08]

lil DOS2 rant?

Le sighhhhhh Finally finished DOS2 again, and I do adore this game a lot and has easily become my favorite. I love the combat of the game and the implementation of magical and physical armor really makes you think on your builds and strategies. And I know some might disagree cuz not a lot like turn based combat apparently? The story is so rich from start to finish, absolutely no parts of it bored me. The dialogues are fun and witty, catching me off gaurd and making me laugh way more than I thought it would. And the characters are so well written, you fall in love with almost all of them, especially the origin characters and the people you sail with in Lady Vengeance. But for all that praise, whenever I think of the romance in the game I can't help but feel its more than a little lacking. I love the characters to death I, wouldn't've have played the game twice already and have over 200+ hours on it if I didn't- but interactions with them are so few and far between. You don't even have one quiet moment with them. Well... I mean you do get one moment alone with them, but to call it a quiet one would be so... hilariously untrue for a number of reasons Anyway me being me took the little romance I can get in stride on my first play through, thinking "oh if I progress their quest they give me important dialogue!" So I focused a lot on the one person I wanted to romance (it was Sebille) and absolutely eating up any romantic dialogue that pops up (most of them catching me off gaurd cuz again we didn't talk much through out our journey and suddenly she's cozying up on me-). Only to have missed a lot in my first playthrough (not really a big complaint cuz I like you can do a lot of different things to get to the same point), and accidentally not progress one of my companions stories and have a small betrayal at the end. But then by the end of it all, while the ending I got was mostly happy, the ending I had with my chosen partner was absolutely bittersweet. While yes- I did make a lot of mistakes in my first game cuz I had no idea what the hell I was doing :D So it could absolutely be chalked up to me just missing a lot of key things to ensure a better ending with us. Hence why I played it twice in a row, and believe me I missed A LOT especially in forth joy, the first chapter. I tried my best to be as thorough as I can. Exploring every inch of them map, talking to almost every NPC I come in contact with, finishing every quest in my log book, talking more instead of fighting to get more dialogue. And while I can safely say I was absolutely more thorough this time round, I'm pretty sure I still missed a few things. Its a long ass game- there are a lot you need to keep track of, and I can be very forgetful. But I think I completed well enough to know this is the general scope of what an average player—or maybe not even averege, but a slightly more avid player—would get. So what did I get after all that? Well... Roughly the same ending with only minor differences... Was the entire game more different the 2nd time round cuz I knew what I was doing and found a lot of new and cool things through out that gave it more charm? 100%! Without a doubt! Did the companion I got together with get a happier ending? Also yes. But am I still a bit disappointed at romance and how that side plot ended? Sadly yes. Spoilers below for people who haven't played or haven't gotten to the end game.

So somewhere in the late game there's a choice to have Sebille rooted into the mother tree, I dont want to have to overly explain it but it basically bounding her to elven duties for the rest of her days and also she turns in a a tree once she dies :'Dc. Now I was an idiot and actually rooted her even when I had 2nd thought on it cuz I thought that was just her duty. And bit me in the ass at the end and was mostly what made the ending so bittersweet for me. She wasnt free yet we still loved each other so we had to part ways. Of course she said she'd always love me and never forget me before sharing a sweet kiss but it was still sad... Me being the simp I am I made a completely new game just to ensure she gets a happy ending (preferably together with my character) and she did and it was nice but... It made the whole end game conversation with her a lot shorter, it wasn't explicitly stated we'd stay together but in the epilogue nothing about our romance was mentioned. She was just happy traveling and living her best life and don't get me wrong- like Go girl! Live your best life! No need to get tied down! But I just wish the bond you form not just with your romance partner but with all your companions didn't feel like such a forgettable chapter of their life. There could have at least been a mention where at least one, or preferably all, of your party members would gather to together to meet up every now and again in the new world. Maybe its just makes me sad cuz I thought of my party as being a found family towards each other, so to see them be so ready to leave each other, split off and never talk to each other ever again really pained me. The origin characters are one, if not, my top reason I want to keep coming back to this game and replaying it but every time I just keep thinking of how it all ended, my heart sinks.

Minor complaints up ahead.

Poly? Where poly? No poly?? Give me the ability to romance both Sebille and Lohse you cowards!! so like at the end of my 2nd play through I made a save where one onf them I chose to be the new devine, made ifan sad and was generally a more sad ending- but also made me spilt with Sebille again cuz she was like "can a god mingle with us mortals?" and Im like oh shit so this is the wrong choice. So I reload my save and spread the source to everyone. and this time round it was happy again but she was still like " what happens with us is up to you" Like girl what you mean? We're on even playing field neither of us have responsibilities we're both free, what am I missing here? BUT ALSO SHE DOSENT KISS ME IN THIS ENDING?????? maybe I messed up the dialogue?? She says she wants me and love me but doesnt lean down for a kiss like my save before that or in my first game play either so I was left so confused-

another Sebille centered minor problem, after you kill her master her story kinda just ends there- Like there's nothing for her in Arx at all. And before you say it yes, we meet with Saheila when we get there, she's talking about elves wanting to rise up to start that war. And she just dismisses it and chalks it up to Saheila being insane(which you know true) but that's it? you don't want to figure out why your kin who's been through almost the same things we've been through suddenly underwent an over night change?? you aren't going to talk to the hostile elven people in arx?? People's opinion of you after killing the mother tree/ being prime scion doesn't get touched on here??? It just another one of my little disappointments in her story. She was very prominent at the start but nothing in Arx, which despite being the last chapter is still a long one. So to just have her there with nothing important to progress with her or our romance it just left me a lil bumed :/

[geometricalien]

OKAY I finished Life is Strange True Colors and it's time to give my hot trash opinions that no one asked for :) (spoilers will be below the cut)

I avoided almost everything released about this game because I did not want any spoilers whatsoever and I think that served me well.

I also came in with an open mind, I gotta say I was weary since deck nine had all of the control and I didn’t particularly like before the storm that much it was fine though.

All that said True Colors was beautiful. It has excellent graphics, compelling characters and side plots for each character, the power system was new and cool. I wasn't sure how being an empath would translate but it worked well in mechanics, was epic, and suited the theme of not just the game but Alex.

I played for about 10 hours Thursday with some breaks to stretch and get food. So needless to say, I was having a great time.

It has excellent sets and even though the power mechanics are exactly the same each time it's still fresh and creative in how these emotions can shape the world around them.

This is just a personal nitpick nothing actually important, the town is a fictional Coloradan small town and as someone who grew up in a neighboring state with similar small town/mining/outdoorsy communities- or visiting them- the town buildings were fantastic! I loved main street, I've been in towns with that exact same style. But the flower bridge and the deer were just... a tinge over the top, it felt like you were trying to sell "Paradise" way too hard. But besides that I loved the towns vibe!

I felt... a little burnt out being able to play all of the chapters at once, I think part that made the lis community so strong was that it had time to build and react to the episodes together. It gave us time to theorize and make fancontent. Versus binge gaming and shot like a bullet into the air, done too quick. I don’t feel as connected to the characters because I’ve only been with them for 14 ish hours vs months

NOW THAT BEING SAID- the pacing was good, it gave us the reins being able to free roam the map at nearly all times and it never felt like we were being dragged down

Overall, True Colors is a great addition. Had amazing voice acting graphics, characters, and themes. I definitely recommend checking this game out

Spoilers now abound:

Going back to an earlier comment- almost all scenarios where you used Alex's power in depth were fresh and interesting. My favorites being Ethan, Charlotte, and Eleanor. I bring this up because Duckie's was the most dull- which you could say matches because he is normally the life of the party so... feeling empty or dull makes sense for him. But then Pike’s was also similarly lacking in environment, so it didn’t feel as fulfilling

I loved loved loved episode 3. The larping was so much fun and I was tickled with the turn based fighting. I especially loved when Ethan made the world come to life, my heart lifted in pure joy.

The two main romance interests are... interesting. Ryan's insight and caring nature drew me to him the instant we met while Steph sort of came off... as separated? But as we became friends with them both it became super hard to chose. And at the end seeing their reactions to the bomb drop showed so much characterization. Steph's ride or die and Ryan (in my playthrough) just had someone challenge his entire life view of course that's hard to take in within 30 seconds. I got that religious gay trauma, I get it.

This is where I feel spacing out the episodes could've also helped with our fondness of characters. After Ryan didn't believe me I didn't want to pursue him anymore, my affection was weakened

However I chose to forgive both Ryan and Jed despite feeling like I missed the character development to reasonably make that decision. I understand this entire game is shadow work for Alex and it is growing her emotional intelligence by miles but I think I would have preferred more sign postings from the game saying "hey bc of your choices you are growing" which wasn't really true because-

Alex was suppressing her sadness, fear, and anger from her traumatic youth. So in episode 5, reliving all of those moments were the chance to level up in emotional intelligence. It felt odd to learn exactly everything at the very end but again it's okay because she was suppressing just like Jed which made her able to understand his emotions and walk him through them

TALKING ABOUT THAT TALK WHO GOT GIFS??? I NEED TO SEE HER EYES GLOWING AND FLICKERING WITH COLOR

I loved the parallel/bookendings of chapter 1: Side A and chapter 5: Side B, I'm a sucker for that shit

It's obvious that alot of care and heart was put into this game, it has layers and the more you peel back the more it reveals thematically

Now I got to compare it to my biggest criticism of LiS and Before the Storm, and ultimately the reason why I love LiS2 more than either of them. Does your choices actually matter?

LiS? No. The game ended with an ultimatum that made all of your choices in the end not matter and LiS is sold as a "your choices actually matter" type of game so seeing that be a load of malarkey always puts a bad taste in my mouth

Lis:bts? No. It's a prequel. I can admire the idea of "life may be futile but make the most of it" while you can and that definitely encompasses Rachel's side of bts. But that doesn’t negate the fact that this is more a game with a straight plot than LiS

LiS2? YOU GOT 4 ENDINGS AND YOU CAN ONLY CHOSE 2 AND ITS NARROWED DOWN TO HOW YOU PLAYED THIS GAME- THATS WHAT I CALL A CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE/YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

True Colors? I think TC lies somewhere between LiS2 and LiS in this aspect. Its definitely very railed, I think in every one you will get Jed to confess, so it depends on how you go about convincing him, romancing, and deciding your future to... well... decide your future. I can't fault it. It left it up to the player to decide and to not be screwed over by our previous choices (cough cough) and that is the crowd pleasing choice.

So, in the sense that it all feels very railed until the last 15 minutes when they spin us on an ice rink and say "freestyle baby"- it's fine. I'm not mad about it. But it does make me wonder what would've happened if we don't have any of the committee members on our side? Would we leave town effective immediately? Would the truth even have gotten out? Because if that's true... I would bump it up in the "does your choices matter?" 

You make choices and those choices have consequences, sometimes out of your control. That's what LiS2 perfected and what I want to see more in this franchise. 

[masterjedilenawrites]

Blueberries and Cowboys: Chapter 2

A choose-your-own-adventure style fic. First, 2 platonic chapters for set-up/build-up. And then, the story will split into 2 paths depending on your romantic pairing preference: You and Thrawn, or You and Eli.

Chapter Masterlist

Chapter 2: The Plan

Pairing: None...yet...

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of bullying

Length: 2k

AO3 Link (In case you like it better over there, it’s okay, no judgement)

The rest of the week saw the three of you using every bit of free time outside your classes and studies to gather information for Thrawn to build a solid plan.

Eli tailed his pesky classmate Arden everywhere, even skipping a class one day to break into his dorm, trying to learn anything about the guy that could be useful to get him involved in the plot. Thrawn analyzed the simulation software and protocols that would be used to administer the tests, mapping out every possible way Commander Burdick could hijack it. And you were the one spying on the Burdick himself. Since the commander didn't seem too interested in your grades, you were able to shadow him without suspicion, and had been able to slip a bug into his offices to eavesdrop on any potential conversations about his plans for sabotage.

Your classmates and the staff were none the wiser. That was the advantage of being social outcasts. Half of them avoided you all like the plague, and the other half already thought you were weird people doing weird things. So it wasn't long before you'd all gotten enough intel to work with.

It was late in the evening at the end of the week. You found yourself in Thrawn and Eli's shared dorm, which looked identical to your own in the opposite wing, because the Empire couldn't bother with things like individuality or comfort. Eli sat on the edge of his top bunk, his legs swinging casually, and his coat unbuttoned to reveal a wrinkled undershirt you knew he hadn't bothered to wash all week. Thrawn paced about in the middle of the room, his long strides only allowing him about four good steps before he had to turn around. He still had his uniform on, boots and badges and all.

You leaned against the railing of the bed, watching Thrawn as he went back and forth. Sometimes he sat still when he was scheming, with his fingers steepled and his gaze seemingly reaching into some unknown dimension beyond your comprehension. That usually happened when he was running through variables that didn't concern you, at least from his perspective. You and Eli had accepted long ago there would always be parts of his plans he would never share with you. He was kind of a control freak like that.

But tonight, he seemed to be more welcoming of collaboration, hence his steady rhythm of pacing in front of you.

"Only one variable remains, as I see it," he was saying. "We understand how the commander will manipulate the system to cause a redundancy in the simulation, thus rendering the test impossible to finish successfully."

You and Eli shared a glance; the only person who truly understood how that was going to happen was Thrawn. He'd tried explaining numerous times but when it came to codes and tech, the two of you weren't able to fully keep up.

"We also know through your investigating," Thrawn motioned to you with what you thought was an impressed look, causing you to feel a little pride, "that the commander plans to only sabotage my test, believing it will be too suspicious if Eli also fails. He will also manipulate his false code to originate from the computer of his former lover Eva Carroway, who currently works in HR. So if an investigation does ensue, it will be traced to her and not him."

You and Eli chuckled under your breaths. It had been a little amusing when you'd discovered Commander Burdick was using this plan to not only undermine Thrawn, but also get revenge on his ex-girlfriend. But even more hilarious was how awkward Thrawn treated the subject. He had been quite perplexed to learn people could be so vindictive after a break-up. And any time he explained that detail of the plan, like he was doing now, he hesitated over his word choice. You couldn't tell if he only pretended to be confused about romantic relations, or if that was truly an area he found himself lost in.

If Thrawn noticed your snickering, he didn't respond to it, only continued to recap the plan. "We have also determined how we will expose the altered code naturally, so it does not cast suspicion on us... What was the word you used?"

"Backfire," said Eli.

"Yes. It would not due to have anyone suspect that we altered the test ourselves, or to have our concerns disregarded altogether. Thus, arranging for the maintenance crew to get a mild case of food poisoning so their performance checks are postponed to occur right before the tests will take care of that variable. At the least, they will fix the altered code and I will take the test as normal. At the most, they will report it and the commander faces expulsion."

"So..." said Eli through a yawn as he stretched. "What's left to work out, then?"

Now it was time for you and Thrawn to share a look.

"Were you not interested in involving your classmate, Arden Fey?" asked Thrawn in his soft, contemplative voice.

Eli shrugged. "Yeah. But Burdick's already got his scapegoat, his ex. So it'll be easier to keep him out of it. Whatever."

You could tell he was trying to be nonchalant. But just this morning, he had spent the entire walk between classes ranting about some new insults Arden had come up with, and how badly he wanted to show the guy up once and for all. You knew your friend wasn't feeling "whatever" about it.

"It's not a matter of ease or difficulty," Thrawn stated plainly. He had stopped pacing and was standing with hands behind his back, highlighting the broadness of his shoulders and the height of his stance. His presence seemed to fill up the whole room, and not for the first time, you were glad to be his friend and not his enemy.

"Yeah," you added in encouragement. "We just have to get creative. Find a way to make Arden a more appealing scapegoat than Burdick's ex. In fact...."

You trailed off as an idea occurred to you. You darted out of the room, surely leaving your two friends perplexed, but you would only be a second. You sprinted down the corridor toward the lifts, where a bulletin hung against the wall with fliers and pamphlets. One notice was a bit larger than the others, a promotion of an upcoming gala event to celebrate the Academy's anniversary. You ripped it off and went racing back to the boys' dorm room.

Eli had come down from the bunk and held a concerned look, probably prepared to follow you if you hadn't returned so quickly. Thrawn was still standing composed, but there was a curiosity in his eyes that made you smile.

You held up the poster in front of your chest. "What do you think the likelihood is of us playing successful matchmakers this week?"

Thrawn understood your idea almost immediately, looking down on you with a pleased smirk. It made you flush a little, to know the Chiss was impressed. You rarely had a chance to contribute good ideas when his mind worked so much faster than yours.

Eli caught on next, and he started to grin, the happiest you'd seen him in a while. His smile was infectious and you grinned back. Happy looked good on him.

"We know Eva's not shy with younger guys," you explained. "Before Burdick, she was fooling around with some intern in the med bay."

"And Arden's vain enough," added Eli. "If he thinks anyone's interested, he'll go for 'em."

"So we get him to ask her to the gala as his date...." you said.

"Burdick sees the two of them together...." said Eli.

"And realizes he can get back at his lover in another way, by pinning the sabotage on another student...." joined Thrawn.

The three of you stood together, proud and satisfied that yet another plan had finally worked out. It was almost worth the stressful studying and petty bullying and all the other unpleasant things you had to endure at this god-forsaken school, just to have fun moments like this with trusted friends.

"We should attend this gala as well," Thrawn said eventually, holding out a hand for the poster. He inspected it thoughtfully. "It is only a few days before the tests, so I hadn't planned to pay it any mind. But now...."

"Yeah, we should make sure Burdick's as jealous as we want 'im," nodded Eli.

You were secretly pleased. The plan was already a win-win, but now you would be able to go to the event yourself, too. You hadn't mentioned your desire to go to either of them before, figuring they weren't interested and not wanting to sound silly if you suggested it. But you did love dancing, and it was so very rare you got a chance to wear something other than your Imperial uniform.

"It's a dance," you noted, in case they couldn't tell by the details on the poster. "We'll need to go in pairs."

"I suppose it would make the most sense for you and Eli to go together," said Thrawn quietly.

You looked between the two, realizing both of them were flushed slightly. Eli's cheeks were dotted with pink, standing out amongst his dark brown features, while Thrawn had more of a purple tint to his face now, a color you'd never seen there before. You could feel yourself growing warm and uncomfortable as well. It was only a dance... only a way for you to enact a much more important plan... but it was the first time your trio had had to engage in anything other than platonic friendship. The balance of your group seemed to be shifting ever so slightly in this moment, and you had no way of knowing if it was for good or ill.

You cleared your throat, pushing away any feelings that might have been brewing in your chest, and instead calling focus back to the mission at hand.

"Actually, I think I'd better go with Thrawn. Whoever doesn't go with me would have to find their own date, and no offense Thrawn, but I think Eli has the better chance of asking someone else."

You hoped they hadn't noticed how hollow your voice sounded, how hard you were trying to keep yourself emotionless.

Eli was pinker than ever. "Uh, I highly doubt that..."

"You're not completely hated around here, you know," you said quickly. "Definitely not with the girls. You're not bad looking, you can be charming if you try, and you're... you know, human." You glanced at Thrawn and added again quietly, "No offense."

Thrawn shook his head. His color and demeanor had already slipped back into his usual neutral self. "No, I agree. Those are the dynamics of our peers and we must work with it. I will take you to the gala, Eli will find his own date, and all three of us will push Arden and Eva together as well. It's a good plan."

You all nodded in agreement. But there was a knot in your stomach, a nervousness you didn't quite understand. You cared very much for both Thrawn and Eli. They were your best friends, your only friends. As a group, you were bonded by your ostracism, protecting and supporting each other on your journey out of this hell-hole.

And separately, you had something special with each, too. You and Eli came from similar backgrounds, and had the same need to disconnect from your surroundings and just have a bit of fun every once in a while. The two of you had spent many late nights together, either hopping between bars, exploring the city, making each other laugh uncontrollably, or quietly sharing the honest thoughts you both buried far too deeply inside. Some nights you'd done all of the above, and returned to your dorm feeling both exhausted and renewed.

But Eli didn't always appreciate the finer things in life, and that's where you connected with Thrawn. He wasn't necessarily an optimist, but he had this way of noticing the beauty that existed everywhere around you, even in the most simple or mundane of moments. Everything had the potential to be interesting. His calm but strong presence had kept you grounded and sane throughout your studies here so far. Sometimes you would talk, other times you would simply be in the same space. And either way, you felt better about life.

You didn't exactly want your relationship with them to change. But you couldn't help but feel this gala would do just that....

Next Chapter: The Preparation >

Blueberry Path | Thrawn x reader

Cowboy Path | Eli x reader

[kiribakuhappiness]

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

Ahh, this question is always so interesting!

First I just want to define the terms above - in case some people aren't aware of their meaning!

Planner: Relatively self-explanatory, a planner is someone who plans out their entire story from start to finish before they even think about writing it. Character backstories, settings, relationship connections, timelines, order of events and their significance, important symbolic details, everything is entirely fleshed out before that pen hits that paper or before those fingertips start tapping away at that keyboard!

Pros: - No need to stop writing for every new plot point/chapter - Generally very well fleshed out characters and scenes. - Plenty of room for constructing well thought-out foreshadowing.

Cons: - Takes a lot of time and effort before the writing process can even begin. - Generally very difficult to tweak details later on, as it creates a domino effect regarding the remainder of the preemptive planning.

Panster: Coined from the term "by the seat of one's pants," a panster is someone who gets a vague idea for a story and takes off running with it. No direction or planned events needed, just their juicy inspiration and a blank document! Pansters are also usually known for writing scenes out of order.

Pros: - Lots of creative freedom. - No feeling of being weighed down by a predetermined path/plot. - Great technique when writing a story that will contain a lot of plot twists.

Cons: - So. Much. Editing. - Will generally end up doing everything that a Planner would do, just later on in the game. - Character motivations + plot structures can suffer by becoming cloudy and unclear/unexplained.

Planster: Probably the easiest to identify/define after learning about the other two, but a planster is someone who is a healthy mix of both! Most writers are plansters, as the range is much more varied and so, by default, contains the medium average. Plansters will get a new story idea, make a few notes or plan out a few important scenes/details, and then use that like a vague roadmap for their stories similar to the dodgy early-2000's Google Maps Directions.

Pros: - A healthy amount of creative freedom when coming up with new scenes and characters. - Easier to make midcourse adjustments in regard to plot devices, foreshadowing, etc.

Cons: - Writer's block can set in when struggling to connect one vague predetermined plot point to the next.

As for my answer, I am very much a Planster, leaning more towards Panster! Usually when I come up with a new story idea, it's a very vague concept, but a concept nonetheless.

So, take Why Is Everything So Weird With the Lights Off? as an example!

When I started that fic, my only notes going into it were these (copy + pasted from my notes app):

Bakugou appears at Kirishima's door; he's been drinking (third year, reasonable age to engage in such activity). Kirishima's first time seeing Bakugou drunk. Bakugou has come to confess his feelings - Kirishima can't imagine why Bakugou would think that midnight on a school night is a good time to strike up a conversation, but what kind of friend would he be if he turned him away? Kirishima's chivalry to be a good friend battles internally with his desire to be with Bakugou as the night progresses. Bakugou is uncharacteristically touchy and honest about his wants to hang out with Kirishima (internally, he's frustrated that he keeps fucking up his attempts to confess, and so tries to stay later and later to get it right). "'M not fuckin' comfortable," he [Bakugou] says [from the makeshift bed on the floor], louder and firmer, as if that will change anything. From beginning - no attraction/romance detected between them. As story progresses - lines start to cross and blur and Kirishima's buried feelings for Bakugou become more apparent to the reader. (Their relationship has started to subtly change, as all relationships tend to do.)

As you can see, there's very little in-depth details here. I don't really go into long-winded explanations and I don't really focus on anything regarding the setting or plot points. Of course, the type of notes I take and the amount of attention to details I give vary drastically regarding the project, but the entire idea is at least glossed over so I don't forget it, and I always try my best to be firm when considering Character Motive (ie; Bakugou drunkenly arrives with the one and only goal to finally confess his feelings to Kirishima), the rest of the fic and all of its minor details come as a result from these motives.

I'll give another example where I went into A LOT more detail, again, copy + pasted from my notes app! Disclaimer: major spoilers for unwritten chapters regarding Fighting Tooth and Claw to Get Back to You.

[Upon UA Katsuki + Fantasy Katsuki meeting for the first time]

"It is fucking winter?"

"Yeah. It's fuckin' winter."

[Right before they switch back] - UA Katsuki experiences a darkness where he finally meets Barbarian Bakugou face-to-face. They approach each other, movements mirrored, and it's UA Katsuki who raises a hand out towards him first, which Barbarian Bakugou hesitates to accept (he is resentful and ashamed of UA Katsuki and believes him to be ignorant and immature). But UA Katsuki needs to know what happened right before the switch, he needs to unlock that memory, and Barbarian Bakugou is reluctantly curious about his unwavering determination, so they clasp their hands together in a strong grip and are thrust into a new place - sunny and filled with green grass. The barbarian clan is there, Dragon Eijirou included, as they prepare to train for several moons straight before migrating away for the winter. Barbarian Bakugou and Dragon Eijirou leave to go train on their own, unbeknownst to them that Eri is following. They banter for a bit and kiss before bakugou wraps an intimidating hand around his neck and jaw. "Are you going to fight me or not?" Dragon Eijirou grins at that, still giving him a sultry, distracted look despite the fingers clasped threateningly around his neck. "What do I get if I win?" He teases. Barbarian Bakugou smirks before he gives Dragon Eijirou's head a light shove in the opposite direction, who steps out of his space again just as easily as he had entered it. "Off, you dumb lizard," Barbarian Bakugou grumbled, still looking amused before he reached over and pulled the glinting, golden sword (All Might) from its holster on his hip and brandished it towards Eijirou, whose red eyes glisten with a new kind of want as he stared at it - the dragon part of him yearning to collect such a valuable treasure. "You would look good as a King, Katsuki," he tells him. Katsuki's smirk grows wider. "And you as a dragon, if you'd ever hurry the fuck up." He gave the sword a vague sway through the space between them and Eijirou's eyes flash dangerously. "Come and take it from me. I know you want to," Katsuki goaded. Eijirou turns into a dragon and they fight.

[Choice made when Imperial soldiers attack during their training session (mentioned at beginning of story by Sero)] - All Might (sword) is falling off the cliff's edge, while Dragon Eijirou is about to get shot by a piercing arrow. Barbarian Bakugou chooses to try and save Dragon Eijirou (abandoning the sword and his future Kingdom), who calls out "NO" even as a dragon who shouldn't be able to speak (he doesn't want Bakugou to lose his throne just for him), which causes Barbarian Bakugou to stop abruptly in shock. The arrow is shot and pierces Dragon Eijirou's underbelly. He lets out a loud roar before he plummets down into the forest out of sight (leading to his capture). Barbarian Bakugou sees red, reaching down to grab the nearest abandoned steel sword (one shown at beginning of story that UA Kirishima shatters) that he then uses to swing down and slice into the shoulder of the soldier that had shot Dragon Eijirou. More soldiers descend into the valley. Katsuki hears a scream and turns to see Eri lying on the ground, terrified as a soldier holds up a crossbow at her. "TO THE END OF ALL DRAGONS!" The man yelled (revealing that Eri, in the fantasy timeline, is also a dragon, and explains her fondness for Barbarian Bakugou when she joins their group and observes how he treats Dragon Eijirou with kindness instead of prejudiced fear). Barbarian Bakugou's feet move without thinking as he lunges in front of Eri, just as her fingertips reach out and graze along his shoulder before everything goes black.

When UA Katsuki awakes again, he is in the hospital on campus, and Kirishima is sleeping in the chair beside him.

[fantasy setting, after the switch back. Barbarian Bakugou - despite still being offered the throne for Musutafu - declines. Izuku and Todoroki are preparing to go back to the kingdom with the news of the vanquish of the Imperial Army, gazing out at Bakugou's barbarian clan as he absently moves about the crowd, barking orders and preparing his clan for travel. Dragon Eijirou joins them to watch as well.] "I am surprised to learn of Kacchan's abandonment of the throne. I thought there was nothing in this world that could replace his desire to be King," Izuku mused out loud to him. "He would have made a great leader."

Dragon Eijirou grinned from beside him. "You're wrong, Izuku," he states simply. "He already is a great leader."

Because of the complexity of the story, with all its many plot twists and such a large cast of important characters, my notes are far more in depth here than they are for my other fic - however, these notes wouldn't necessarily be structured enough to be considered a Planner-mindset, as there is still plenty of room for added details, dialogue, etc.

Phew! What a fucking post :,D a big ole chonker - I hope you enjoyed reading at least, if you've made it this far! 🧡

Fanfic Ask Game - send me a question! ☺️

[butwhatifidothis]

I did it! Finally fucking did it! I 100% the support log for 3H….Holy shit, that took longer than I was expecting, lol. 

(Long rant, so heads up.)

I came in thinking “Oh they finally time-locked the supports, so I don’t have to have the damn cursor mocking me every time I open the menu like in Awakening and Fates, hurr hurr”. No no no no no. At least for Awakening and Fates, it was on my dumb ass for pressing the S-support and saving when I knew I shouldn’t. First off, if they wanted us to regain supports for Byleth in NG+, why the heck are supports for characters like Edelgard, Rhea, Dorothea and Lindhart locked? I don’t mean time-locked like the post-TS supports in a regular playthrough, I mean deadass “you can’t buy this, period” locked. “Oh it’s because you haven’t advanced that far in the story yet”. I can buy post-TS supports for the other characters, what makes El and Rhea exceptions?! The only thing that would be lost is that I don’t have to replay their entire route to get their S-support twice. It’s not like there’s enough differences between Bylad and Bylass to warrant the supports being locked, none of the characters specify a specific gender in their dialogue, and as far as different models go, changing models during a cutscene is coded into the game, so that should be no issue.  

After going through the monastery option enough times, the hubworld is in this weird limbo state where it feels like it was made specifically for Byleth’s benefit (faculty training, recruiting party members, etc,) but the rest of the party seems to benefit from it instead (Instructions, Motivation points, etc). The Explore vs Battle options just don’t mix well, which feels like poor design choice. You can focus on auxiliary battles to raise your party’s level, but at the cost of potentially missing out on more party members. You can instead focus on the monastery to recruit party members, but at the cost of Byleth falling behind due to splitting activity points between recruiting and faculty training, and being in the monastery means less time grinding for levels. This isn’t as much of a problem in NG+, but if a game needs NG+ to lessen a design problem, then that’s more of a sign to me that the idea itself needed more ironing out. 

 As far as using the monastery to raise support points goes, the hubworld definitely needs a revamp. The only (good) options available are Meal Time and Choir Practice, with the latter being limited to once per week and the former making me think that the monastery must eat their own weapons to survive due to how fucking scarce food ingredients are. Getting meat and fish isn’t too big of an issue so long as you have enough money, but produce might as well be an urban legend. There were too many times where I had 60+ fish/meat, but produce was at fucking 1. I get that they wanted to be “realistic” in having seeds grow once per week, but if it’s at the cost of a gameplay element being nigh unplayable, then some more thought needs to be put into it. Sothis is a goddess of life and time, maybe her powers allow Byleth to make plants grow faster. Just something to make this section actually playable. 

The final thing I wanted to talk about when it comes to the monastery is that, for some baffling reason, it is entirely possible to lock yourself out of key events like S-supports or being able to choose CF, simply by skipping to the end of the month. I’m not sure why this is a thing. It’s not like the game was designed with speedruns in mind (I mean, it is possible to beat a route in an hour, but fuck me if I ever succeeded in that), and nothing happens like a prompt popping up that you have to explore the monastery during that month or even limiting your options to just Explore (which the game has done before). This is especially weird for the quest in getting Jeralt’s ring (how to access S-supports), since Byleth is supposed to be sad in this month, so not being able to do seminars or Byleth being undeployable during auxiliary battles would make sense. 

The option to choose CF is even worse though, because at least for Jeralt’s ring it’s a Red Quest that doesn’t allow you to finish exploring unless you complete it. For Edelgard, however? A dime-a-dozen quest prompt you can entirely look over and skip. No prompt by the game, no indication to talk to Edelgard, nothing. FFS, Rhea’s tea time quest was given more thought. At least her quest marker is a unique color. 

(End of rant…sort of) 

…So anyways, that was my experience with the game, lmao. Now you or someone else may be thinking, “nonnie, if you had this many problems completing the game, why did you bother?”, and the answer to that good question is…I’m not completely sure, lol. I know there’s more than one reason why, so bear with me here. I know part of it is due to sunk-cost fallacy (“I’m already this far into the game, I might as well fully complete it”), but I think a bigger reason is because I knew ahead of time that the routes were so similar to each other that there was little point in having a route split to begin with (except for CF, but who gives a fuck about that?). Despite all of my bitching, I do really like 3H even if I admit that it’s my least favorite FE game that I’ve played so far. I guess a part of me just wanted to like the game more despite my issues with it. 

Now that I think about it, maybe the main reason was for fear of future mainline games. People are fear to like whatever part of a game that they wish, but I do think that 3H introduced some fundamental storytelling flaws that I’d rather not see repeated in the future, with me focusing on 3 in particular: 1) The Monastery, 2) Route Splits and 3) Byleth. 

Aside from what I already talked about in regards to the monastery, if we are going to get another hubworld in the new FE title, have it to where it doesn’t conflict with how the rest of the story is presented. Is it better to simply tell us that the Western Church is xenophobic in an easily skippable side quest early on, or is it better to show us? Enemy Western Church NPCs going after foreign party members like Dedue or Petra more aggressively and calling them “animals” or the like, the map having Duscari NPCs locking themselves indoors for fear that the Western Church will persecute them, things of that nature. Is it better to tell us that there has been civil unrest in the Empire and the citizens revolting against Edelgard, or is it better to show us? Enemy Adrestian Civilian NPCs, assassins specifically going after Edelgard in a map, maybe one where a large farmland has been stripped bare. Things like that. 

I’d rather do away with the Persona-calendar/Monastery hubworld, but if they are here to stay then they need enough content in it to keep the player engaged for 20-odd chapters, because there isn’t enough content in Garreg Mach to even hold up 12 chapters. Speaking of more content, if there’s going to be another route split in the next title, then there needs to be enough differences in the routes that actually warrants having a route split. Fates already did this well in having the route split be early in the game, along with the plot and story maps of each route being different, you could even skip to the route split moment on subsequent playthroughs, so 3H’s approach in having to play the same 12 chapters 3-4 times just felt like a massive downgrade. Playing multiple routes should feel rewarding rather than tedious, is what I’m trying to say. 

Finally, and most importantly, I know that no one at IS is reading this but on the off chance that someone is - please, for the love of God, do not make another blank-slate/self insert main character like Byleth. Or at the very least, don’t have them be the focal point of the story, it’s a big reason why AM just works better than the other routes. For a game like FE, “self-insert” and “protagonist” goes as well as oil and water. Now, out of those three flaws listed, the Byleth one is what I’m hard set on. The monastery and route split flaws, my opinion might be flexible within reason, but the Byleth one…not so much, lol. If we really do get another self-insert doll for a main character, that alone is going to make the next game a hard sell for me, because seeing all the praise Byleth got (and has been getting) makes me fear that IS is going to take the wrong lesson from this and think they don’t have to put effort in making their protagonist anything resembling an actual person and their audience will still lap it up. It would be one thing if I just hated the character, but I don’t. I’m disappointed, which is even worse.

…With that said, it’s still better than whatever the heck Cap’n’Crunch is doing. Okay, rant over. For real this time.

—

I agree with a lot said here! But I do have a few disagreements, though they’re mostly my opinion than anything else lol

And this first one is probably like, extremely unpopular given how much shit I’ve seen flung at this aspect of 3H, but like… I actually really like the Monastery? Like yes, absolutely, it should have done more to not shelter the player from how bad the war is and it should change more with the world instead of being in this mostly limbo state where apparently seasons don’t real. I definitely also have those complaints, but to me, the Monastery was fine for the most part. A lot of the issues you brought up, like supports and Faculty Training and supplies for eating, weren’t a problem for me almost at all. My only real gripe is with how hard it is for Byleth to get training in Flying, Mounted and especially Heavy Armor without NG+ unlocking weapons ranks, since they don’t have access to Weekly Chores. I do believe I still managed to recruit everyone while only unlocking C in Faith on my Maddening playthrough of GD, but it certainly wasn’t easy. But I feel a lot of the problem people have with it are on subsequent playthroughs where they’re trying to do things like 100% any aspect of 3H, which yeah is gonna exacerbate the issues tenfold. Cuz like, while those three weapons ranks I mentioned are hard for Byleth to raise, on Normal mode you have unlimited auxiliary battles to help with all the other ones. 

Like, I wanted to get Claude’s Dex to the max amount right? Just cuz I felt like it. And in doing that I found out just how tedious it is to get levels once a unit gets to a certain point, just cuz while Normal Mode gives you the Retreat option that lets you keep exp so you can drop a unit down on a yellow spot and get a decent boost in exp… you can do that like, twice or thrice on a story chapter. Once if it’s auxiliary (and not the freebie one). And that’s if you even have internet. And using the greenhouse to get Ailiell Pomegranates was a pain because they weren’t really guaranteed even if I used nothing but the right seed - doing that is more consistent, but not always, and I usually only got one anyway. It was annoying! But I was also doing a specific thing that’s gonna heighten the flaws in the system that I never would have noticed - didn’t even notice - unless I did that. The flaws are still there, don’t get me wrong! The Monastery definitely still needs improvement, battles still need to be a little more streamlined for future playthrough, but the flaws can seem a bit bigger than they are once you do certain things outside of a casual playthrough, know what I mean?

But, for example, when replaying 3H on hard mode and looking to recruit everyone after my no recruitment run, I didn’t come across any dilemma over “recruitment or Byleth being good, pick one.” That was the run my Byleth was usable, in fact - my first blind run that was no recruitment (save for Shamir) had my Byleth be pretty much completely useless while literally everyone else was fine. Also never came across problems with supplies for cooking (or at least not any big enough to comment on). So like, while these (and the above stuff) can certainly be problems for players trying to do everything everything in 3H, at least from my experience I just haven’t come across them. The monastery itself definitely needed a better story implementation, but yeah. I could’ve just been lucky tho lmao

I don’t mind how they implemented trying to get on CF at all tho lol. If you’ve been playing the game like it suggests you do - supporting characters and exploring the monastery  there’s no reason for players to have missed getting on CF. If players wanted to ignore one of the biggest aspects of the game I don’t really feel that bad for them when they miss out on very achievable things. Plus, CF’s requirements are nothing in terms of FE’s madness when it comes to getting on a route. It may be more specific than any other route, but like I said, playing the game as the game tells you to would naturally land you in it (the only thing that might be a bit unfair is that I think if you talk with Edelgard at all that month you have to decide right then and there, and then the whole month is lost. Kinda ass). 

Binding Blade, for example, requires you to do specific things that few first time players would think to do in multiple, random chapters in order for you to get the best ending. With absolutely no warning as to when these chapters happen and what to do in them. And some of these requirements are not fun lmao, I’d prefer how they did it with CF than with how they’ve handled ~secret~ stuff before personally

Pretty much agree with everything else though! While 3H is actually one of my more favored games in the series, I’ll be the first to admit that its storytelling is in dire need of improvement. Having the story and lore of the game just be spat out in lore dumps and this or that NPC just isn’t that good. Or if they are going to do that, at the very least give some visuals to go along with it! Imagine how much impactful Rhea’s story would have been if it was in a visual format, like CGs and/or a cutscene. It still would be an info dump, but at least we can see for ourselves how horrific the Red Canyon was for her! And I do not want another avatar in whatever next mainline game we get, personality or not. We’ve evolved past the need for self-inserts that all the characters Just Like lmao

But thanks for sharing your thoughts!! And sorry that it took so long for me to get to answering ;w; 

[malghra]

tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks (3/3)

AO3 link

This is a bit of plot and then about 3k of smut (my first Darklina smut 😱). Rated E, but on the softer side.

A little explanation on Alina's underwear: she's wearing drawers, which are tied at the waist and have buttons running from the front to the back. My reasons for giving her this kind of underwear are 1) pseudo-historical accuracy, sort of, not really (though I did spend too much time doing research to find out what kind of underwear Alina would be wearing in fake 1800s Russia) 2) opportunities.

The Ravkan alphabet, for reference in the second half of the chapter. You'll get it when you reach that particular part.

Alina wakes up alone, and far from well-rested. She must have felt more tired than this in her life, what with her being sick all the time, but this is different. Trying to think about everything that has happened, it's hard to believe all of it occurred in one single night.

She realizes she's in his bed as soon as she opens her eyes, and with a quick glance around the room she learns that he isn't there. It gives her some sense of relief. She promised to show him, and knowing him, there is no chance that he'll forget. Her heart is in her throat as she imagines it. Whatever his reaction will be, there will be no turning back.

She is relieved that he wasn't waiting for her, she muses as she climbs out of the bed and sneaks out of his room to return to her own suite, where she asks for a bath to be drawn. She's relieved, but his absence has her aching. The feeling isn't new, it's something she's carried inside of her for her entire life, barely ever aware of it, never knowing it was him she'd been aching for.

Genya enters the bathroom with curiosity burning in her bright eyes and pursed lips. "You weren't here when I came in earlier," she says lightly. "And your bed hasn't been slept in," she adds more pointedly.

"That would be because I didn't sleep in it," she replies matter-of-factly, her fingers absentmindedly brushing her mark. Let Genya think what she will. She can't tell her the truth anyway. She glances up with a barely suppressed smirk, and then she sees Genya's ashen complexion, her red-rimmed eyes.

"What happened?" she whispers.

...

She dresses in the nightgown and robe she'd laid out before stepping into the tub, sliding a pair of soft slippers on her feet and marches back to his chambers. If this is something else he was intending to keep from her, she's going to find out.

She doesn't bother knocking, but pushes down the doorhandle and steps into the room, closing the door behind her and turning around again.

She freezes when she sees him, not because she's afraid, but because it takes every ounce of willpower not to throw herself into his arms. It's as if ever since she found out it was his name that is written on her breast, that pull she's been feeling has become irresistible. As if knowing has made it even stronger and nearly impossible to ignore.

"Alina." He says her name in a soft voice full of wonder, blinking as if he's seeing her for the first time, and it breaks her resolve.

She flings herself across the room, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest, clinging to him.

His body is stiff with surprise and his arms are awkward around her.

"Genya told me about Marie," she mutters into his kefta.

He relaxes around her, pulling her closer. "I wanted to spare you, last night," he murmurs. "We found the person who did this."

She inhales and exhales slowly, bracing herself against his solid chest. "What are you going to do to them?"

She can feel his hesitation before he answers, "We're still questioning him."

She tilts her head back to look up at his face. "But you'll punish him?"

"Obviously," he says calmly, his dark eyes hard.

She shakes her head. "Who did this? Why would they do this?"

His hand travels up her back and starts stroking her hair. "He was working for General Zlatan." There is a barely concealed tremor in his voice. Being so close to him, she easily recognizes it as rage. "Remember when I told you my enemies were more afraid of you than of me, and you didn't believe me? This is all the proof you need."

So this is all her fault. Poor Marie, did she realize the risk she was taking? Did anyone? Aleksander once told her the Little Palace was the most secure place in Ravka. They must have gone to great lengths to get in, just to find her and eliminate her.

"They all think I'm going to destroy the Fold," she realizes, aghast, "but apparently they don't want me to."

She pulls back so she can look at him. She half expects to find a grim but smug satisfaction on his face, but she can't read it.

She doesn't understand. She thought destroying the Fold would be the solution. She tried to see his point of view when he told her it wasn't last night, but she remained skeptical.

"You were right," she mutters. A quick flash in his eyes, a slight flare of his nostrils, that's all the reaction she's getting out of him, but she can practically feel the elation of triumph rolling off him.

"I did tell you I'm not in the habit of making a fool of myself," he reminds her.

Without thinking, she swats at his chest. He catches her fingers, sending a jolt of power and calm certainty through her body, but the corner of his mouth tugs up into a half-smile.

She can feel his sudden impatience. "You promised to tell me why you ran away."

"I promised to show you," she corrects him, stepping out of his embrace. She unfastens the sash of her robe and her hands curl into its lapels, but she can't force them to move. She purses her lips to hold back the smile that tugs at them when she sees the confusion in his features.

"I panicked," she reminds him. "I was so overwhelmed after..." she bites her lip, eyes travelling to the side of the map table he'd lifted her onto last night. "And after everything Baghra told me," she continues, "but most of all," she says, pushing the robe off her shoulders, letting it pool around her feet, both of her hands rising to cover her mark through the thin fabric of her nightgown, "I was overwhelmed because of this."

He shakes his head, eyebrows furrowing, even as his tongue darts out to wet his lips, eyes following her hands and the fall of her robe. "This? You're speaking in riddles now."

She takes a deep breath, her fingers clumsy as they fumble with the tiny satiny buttons of her nightgown. Her heart is beating in her throat when she folds back the fabric to reveal her mark to him.

He blinks once. After a short silence, he utters her name in a broken whisper. "Alina." His throat bobs, his eyes still glued to her mark. And then, "Alina," again, a low rasp.

He takes a step closer, and reaches out to touch the mark, glancing up to meet her eyes.

A gasp escapes from her throat as his fingertips brush over the red letters. Every single time he has touched her before felt so unreal, but this, this feels like the first warm and golden ray of sunlight in spring after a long winter.

"That felt nice," she mutters, inadequate as it sounds.

"Did it?" he asks, holding her gaze.

She nods. "Like a tingle, um..." She's suddenly so incredibly hot, and already too taut inside her own body. Her nipples have pebbled into hard peaks.

He repeats the motion, watching her face, and then brushes his knuckles over his name. She jerks away from him, her heart hammering in her chest.

He follows her, tracing the letters on her skin, as if he's trying to imprint them again. It's too much. He's quickly reducing her to a panting mess.

He arches an eyebrow, his eyes blazing with a fierce hunger. He licks his lips and his nostrils flare. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No," she confesses.

She believes he shivers when he groans, "My Alina."

"Saints," she whimpers as his calloused palm slides under her nightgown, making contact with her hardened nipple. "I want you, Aleksander."

He squeezes her breast, his other hand curls around the back of her neck and then he is kissing her.

It's everything it was the night before and more. Every pull of his lips, every nip of his teeth and every stroke of his tongue is feeding a fire inside of her. His hands are burning brands, seering her skin even through the thin fabric of her nightgown. Last night, she felt like she was drowning, now she's burning up, but she's desperate to be consumed by this fire.

She's not quite ready to trust him completely, but she can trust him with her body. She'll have to, this compulsion is too strong, too irresistible.

"My Alina," he groans again, hot breath fanning against her neck. He picks her up with  great ease, and she wraps herself around him as he carries her across the short distance to his war map to lift her onto it and insert himself between her legs. One of her slippers slides off her foot and falls to the floor with a thump.

"This feels familiar," he mutters, nudging her nose with his own, pulling her closer.

She hums in amused agreement as he nuzzles her cheek, the scratch of his beard grazing her skin as he pulls away and fixes her with burning black gaze. His kefta slides off his shoulders and hits the floor with a heavy thud as his hands come to rest on the neckline of her nightgown. "Off?" he growls.

She doesn't remember how to speak, so she just nods, an eager whimper escaping from her throat.

He lifts one hand, his middle finger trailing her bottom lip, his eyes following the movement. And then he lowers his hand again and rips her nightgown open all the way down the front, buttons flying everywhere.

"Hey!" she chides him. "I liked that!"

"I'll get you a new one," he mutters as his eyes drink her in. The hunger and adoration in his gaze bring a blush to her cheeks and make heat and wetness pool between her legs.

He splays his hand over her sternum, his palm warm against her skin and pushes her back, his other hand sweeping under her back before it hits the wood. He cups the back of her head as he lifts himself over her, covering her body with his own.

"You were made for me, Alina," he rumbles. "You cannot begin to comprehend how long I have been waiting for you."

His hot lips are on her neck, his hard erection is pressing into her blazing core through layers of fabric, and his beard and tunic are rough against her naked skin. There are too many sensations, and Alina feels as if she's had too much kvas. When her fingers find the hair at the nape of his neck, she twines them through the soft strands, pulling at them to ground herself, and he groans into the hollow of her throat.

As he starts sucking on her neck, a wave of panic crashes over Alina.

"Aleksander," she pants, and he grunts and sucks hard, pressing his tongue to her pulse point. There's a bit of pain, but the jolt shooting straight to her core is stronger.

"Say it again," he orders her.

"Aleksander," she whimpers, but then she finds her voice and addresses him more firmly. "Aleksander."

He appears to catch on to her mood and props himself up on his elbows, arching an eyebrow. "What's wrong, solnyshka?"

She licks her lips and stares up at him, opening her mouth, but no sound comes out. He leans down to nip at her chin.

"Tell me," he commands firmly.

"I don't have a lot of experience," she blurts out.

His brow furrows as he brushes his knuckles over her cheekbone. "Don't worry about that," he answers as he starts trailing kisses down her sternum. "I'll make this an experience for you."

He uses his fingers and lips and teeth and tongue to lavish attention on her breasts, taking his time. When his tongue traces the letters forming his name on her skin, Alina is sure she's about to burst out of her skin.

"I'm going to mark you all over," he announces, "to make sure no one will ever doubt that you belong to me."

His declaration gives her pause, the intensity of it almost frightening, but every fibre of her being is screaming yes, so she ignores that suspicious voice in the back of her mind.

His teeth graze her nipple and nibble. He sucks and nips, and she shudders at that novel, intoxicating mix of pain and pleasure. Her hands have found their place in his hair again, and she's starting to worry about possibly pulling it out when he suddenly veers up to stare down at her.

She moans at the loss of contact and props herself up to reach for him, her other slipper hitting the floor, but he grabs her hands and keeps them in a firm hold.

"Hush, solnyshka," he tells her, pulling her arms away from her body and placing her hands on the smooth wood of the table. "I'm admiring my work."

She twists her neck to find out that her right nipple has come to resemble a purplish sunburst. Her skin is reddish where his teeth and beard have grazed it.

"All mine," he rumbles as he trails one long finger down her stomach, over her navel, and still further down. He takes a moment to untie her drawers, and then his hand disappears under the waistband, into the coarse curls covering her sex. Her heart is beating violently, her breath coming in painful pants, and then the tip of his finger slips between her folds, brushing her clit, curling as it slides through her slick heat.

"Saints," she shudders, her fingernails digging into the wood.

"So wet for me," he croons, lifting his finger to his mouth, closing his lips over it, his eyes fluttering closed as he groans. "You taste like your light," he tells her.

Her cheeks burn, at his actions, or at his words, she isn't sure. She licks her lips and looks down, avoiding his face.

"Don't look away," he orders her.

When she glances up, he's kneeling between her legs, sliding his hands under her thighs to tug her closer to the edge of the table.

She wasn't lying when she told him she didn't have a lot of experience, so though she might have a fairly good idea of what he's about to do (she spent a decent amount of time in army camps after all), she doesn't exactly know what to expect, and it has her heart doing summersaults inside her chest, sparks of light flaring up under her skin as she watches him, her breath stuttering out of her.

A wicked grin spreads across his face as he looks up at her from between her splayed legs. He opens his mouth over the cloth that is still covering her cunt and breathes hot air into her core, making her whimper and shudder. Slowly and deftly, his eyes never leaving hers, he unbuttons her drawers, uncovering her.

His gaze leaves her face and his dark eyes blink slowly as they take in the sight he's revealed, before flicking back up as he tells her, "That pretty little cunt will be mine as well, soon."

He hooks her legs over his shoulders, holding her steady with one hand on her right hip. He starts lapping at her folds, lightly at first, parting her lower lips to tease his tongue around her clit, carefully avoiding direct contact. He licks and sucks and nibbles, dipping his tongue into her from time to time.

She sighs and moans, the sensation of his mouth on her already too much, but never enough.

"Please," she mutters.

"Say it!" he groans into her sensitive flesh, the vibrations rippling through her core.

"Please, Aleksander," she breathes, her eyes fluttering closed.

"Eyes on me, solnyshka," he reminds her.

The whimper that leaves her mouth is clearly one of frustration and he finally gives in. He closes his mouth over her clit and chuckles. Her hands fly up, twisting themselves into his soft, dark hair, sighing in relief as he finally brings the building tension inside of her to a crescendo, a steeply rising ascent instead of the rolling hills he kept her on earlier.

"Aleksander," she mewls. Every trace of shame has left her. She's grinding her cunt into his face, her toes curling into the fabric covering his back, her head lolling back against the table.

"Alina," he groans, "you're mine." His voice alone could be enough to unravel her, she thinks, more heated pleasure washing over her.

"Say it!" Ever the commander, it sounds like an order falling from his lips, but there's an edge of despair to it. "Tell me you're mine!"

"I'm yours!" It's not even half a lie or a reluctant confession. It's nothing but the simple truth she can no longer deny. "I'm yours."

He laps at her like he's been starving for years. "Mine." A single, simple word that coaxes more pleasure from her, but his voice almost breaks on it.

Her grip on his hair tightens, twisting them around her fingers and her hips buck forward involuntarily. He hums and sucks, and suddenly the tension snaps and the light bursts out of her as her orgasm crashes through her body in waves of ecstasy.

Before she's able to come down, his mouth is on her again.

"No," she objects, "no, I can't," trying to push him away, clenching her thighs to deny him access.

A jolt of power and desire surges through her as his hands enclose her wrists and pin her arms to the table. "You can," he growls. More gently, he pries her thighs apart, fingers brushing the insides, trailing closer to her cunt, raising goosebumps on her skin.

He flicks his tongue out and starts tracing intricate patterns with it on and around her clit. A single circle. Mirror curves. Another circle, but different, there's a loop at the end, she thinks.

A blunt fingertip nudges her entrance, and a long, thick finger slides into her. Saints, she's so wet for him. She mewls at the intrusion, but still finds herself vaguely wondering at what he's doing. She can't follow the next couple of shapes he traces, they're too complicated. There's another circle, but then more intricate ones again.

"Oh," she whimpers when his tongue traces a perfect Ravkan 'o' on her nub.

"You like that one?" he chuckles, crooking his finger inside of her, finding the exact right spot, and then adding a second one. Even as she quakes, the realization hits her. He vowed to mark her all over, and that's what he is doing. He's spelling out his name with his tongue.

Now that she's no longer questioning it, she can surrender to the feeling, and once she does, her second climax comes quickly, her cunt clenching around his fingers and her nub throbbing against his mouth as rainbows dance behind her closed eyelids, and a soft sobbing cry of his name escapes from her lips.

She slumps back and lets one hand slide out of his hair to cup his cheeks and he turns his head to press his lips to her palm, his beard wet and sticky against her skin.

He's pulling her up and into his arms then, brushing her sweaty hair back from her face with his dry hand, slanting his mouth over hers to kiss her. She can taste herself on his lips and tongue, and though part of her wants to shy away from the obscenity of it, she decides she doesn't care and kisses him back more hungrily. His grip on her tightens and he moans into her mouth.

"Bed," she manages to pant out between kisses.

"Bed," he agrees in a low growl, lifting her into his arms again, shadows dancing around them. Alina hardly has time to blink before she's lying on her back in Aleksander's bed. The black silk of his sheets is cool and soft against her skin, and it smells of him, she muses as she watches him remove his boots.

He climbs onto the bed, and offers her a slow and dangerous smile as he moves to brace himself over her. She can't help it, she feels her lips curve up into a smile of her own.

"This isn't fair," she complains when he lowers himself to cover her body with his own.

He arches a dark eyebrow. "What isn't?"

"You're still dressed," she points out.

"That can be remedied." He pushes himself up and off her, pulling his tunic over his head as he sits up. She only takes a moment to admire his shoulders and chest and the hard ridges of his stomach before she reaches for the buttons of his trousers, brushing her knuckles over the hard bulge straining against the black fabric.

"Alina," he groans as she unbuttons his trousers and slips her fingers into the garment to curl them around his thick, hot, velvety and considerable length. Together they get rid of his last piece of clothing, and Alina shoves her open drawers down her legs.

She reaches for him and clasps her hands over his elbows to drag him down on top of her. The sensation of so much of his exposed skin on hers is almost too much, but she needs him to get even closer.

"Eager, are we?" he teases her.

She doesn't care about coming up with a witty remark, she just nods and tilts her head up to capture his lips, but he hisses sharply as soon her tongue licks at the seam of his mouth.

"What's wrong?" she whispers.

He braces himself on his arms and twists his neck. "It felt like a knife slicing my skin."

"Where?" she whispers, eyebrows pulling together in worry.

"I can't see," he grunts. "It itches."

She wrenches out from under him and sits up, finding an angry red mark on his right arse cheek. As she leans in closer, she clasps a hand over her mouth but the giggle bursts through anyway. She extends a hand to brush her fingertips over the letters of her name, still looking as if they've been branded into his skin. The confused glare he gives her makes her laugh even harder.

"Looks like I've marked you as mine as much as you've marked me as yours." She puts a hand to his shoulder and pushes him back until he's lying on the bed, staring up at her. She braces her hands on his chest and swings a leg over his hips to straddle him, smiling down at him. "It's your mark," she tells him. "My name."

She reaches between their bodies to wrap her fingers around his cock and guide him to her entrance. Never averting her eyes from his face, she takes her time, slowly sinking down as she takes him in, and when he's finally fully sheathed inside of her, she moans at the feeling of being filled by him, nearly drowning out the sound of his gasp.

"You're mine, Aleksander Morozova," she sighs as she rolls her hips.

"Alina," he groans, his hands sliding up her thighs as reverent eyes roam over her body.

"You're mine, and I'm yours," she promises him, taking his hand and placing it over the mark on her breast, holding it there with her own. All Alina has ever wanted is someone to belong with, a person to call her own. She won't let anything take that away from her.

[sirenprincess15]

Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 11

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Description: What if Aleksander hadn’t answered the door when Ivan interrupted the war room kissing? What if Aleksander and Alina had a bit more time to get to know each other before Baghra told her his true identity? Alina is the only one who can comfort Aleksander through his nightmares. Will she leave once she knows who he is?

This story is based on the show version and features a soft on the inside, hard on the outside Aleksander with an emphasis on emotional hurt/comfort and angst. If you are looking for lots of hurt!Aleksander thoughts, then this story is for you. Mal exists but pretty much solely to cause Aleksander some angst. Don’t worry. It will be a Darklina ending.

Chapter 1 is a missing scene at the end of Ep 4, and Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Grisha are oppressed in this universe, and I don’t shy away from showing the horrors of that. There may eventually be mentions of canon-typical torture (Fjerdan pyres), death of family members, and cruelty to Grisha children. It’s not the focus, but that backdrop is definitely there and comes up as characters discuss their past.

In this chapter: Alina learns the truth about Aleksander's identity and confronts him. Can their relationship survive?

Recommended music: P!nk Please Don't Leave Me

Chapter 11

The creak of the door opening pulled Aleksander’s attention from the maps in front of him. His men were following the Stag where the tracker had spotted it, in Fjerda, and there was no way there that wouldn’t endanger them. He trusted his power to protect them when he joined them, but they needed a sure plan to minimize any risk of running into the Fjerdans. The situation was stressful enough without worrying if Alina would cooperate willingly. He refused to let his mind go over the possibilities if she wouldn’t. He had to remain focused on the priority, which was assuring her safety. He had learned that lesson well. Amplifier first, details later. He was so distracted that he didn’t really look at who was at the door until they entered. He had expected Ivan with an update, but to his surprise, it was Alina. Perhaps she had come to her senses and had come to apologize.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” she snarled.

For a moment, he thought she meant about destroying the Fold, but something had dramatically changed in her from even earlier. The hatred in her eyes left no question as to what she meant. He stared in disbelief a moment, but he was sure. She knew his true identity. He wondered how she had found out, but it was a fleeting thought. To see her give him that look he’d seen so many times before, disgust mixed with hatred and fear … it stopped his heart. The entire world seemed to shatter around him as he realized all he was losing in that instant--Alina, not just her powers, no he would find a way to control those, but her partnership. The girl who always managed to surprise him and make him smile, she was gone, as was the girl who had dared to ever try to comfort him. Instead, she was replaced with someone possessed by the disgust and fear of so many who had come before her.

“So you could look at me like that?” he asked. “No.”

“Black Heretic! What? You said I could say it!”

What did she want him to say? Perhaps she was just so full of anger that she couldn’t resist screaming at him until she could not speak anymore. He shrugged. He did not feel like having this fight. He just wanted to close his eyes and realize that this was another nightmare.

“Was it all a lie then? An act for me? To manipulate me? The scared little boy who was overwhelmed with the ancestral guilt and shame of a mistake that happened hundreds of years before? You created the Fold. You isolated and nearly destroyed Ravka. You didn’t care about the people in the way you hurt because you wanted power. You’ve killed thousands with the Fold. You killed my parents!”

He wanted to scream back at her, to remind her who she was talking to. He never let anyone speak to him without reverence, but she had always been different. He couldn’t stand to let her think that. “It wasn’t all a lie. It was … as close to the truth as I could explain. If I had told you, would you have trusted me to protect you? To get you help with your power? To work together? I never meant … I didn’t want people like your parents to get hurt …”

“More lies! You wanted to make the Fold! You wanted to show how very powerful you are. You only cared about proving how strong you were, how much better than everyone else you were. Tell me, did you enjoy making people so scared? Did you cheer when you turned men into Volcra?”

“Who have you been talking to?” he hissed through gritted teeth.

“Baghra. You know, your mother. Left that bit out too, didn’t you?”

So that is what his own mother thought of him, that he’d plotted the whole thing and enjoyed the pain he caused. That rejection stung like a hornet, but he’d accepted his mother’s disapproval some time ago. It was the hatred in Alina’s eyes that tore him to the core.

“So you talked to Baghra and you know everything now, is that it?” he raged. “You know everything about that day? How it all happened? You’ve got it all figured out, have you? You. Know. Nothing!”

“Then tell me!” she screamed back, not backing down at his anger. She had never been intimidated by his authority. “If you wanted me to know your side then why didn’t you ever tell me?! We have been sleeping together for months, Aleksander. You had every opportunity to tell me! So let’s hear it. Tell me what it is you’d have me know!”

He raised his hands to cast darkness around her face. A small shot in her direction would be enough to temporarily deprive her of oxygen and knock her out. Ivan could resuscitate her. They’d keep her captive until they had the Stag, and then they’d use the amplifier to control her power. It would be simple, really. He didn’t need to have this conversation, but when he tried to pull his power to send her direction, he just couldn’t rid himself of the image of her comforting him through his nightmares. She was always so gentle with him. She never mentioned it again when he was out of one of his spells. She never looked at him with anything but love. Until now. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing all of that forever. But what choice did he have? What path didn’t lead to more pain? She would never forgive him. The hate and disgust would never leave her. His head couldn’t shake those brief moments of heaven she’d given him in her arms. He couldn’t harm her, not even if he wanted to. There were no words to make her understand, and yet, somehow, he had to try. Slowly, he lowered his hands. Now they seemed more like they were begging her to stop her verbal attack than they were yielding what had almost been his physical one.

She seemed to realize what had almost happened, what he had stopped himself from doing for her, because she seemed softer now. “Just tell me?” she begged.

“Alina, have you never made a mistake? Thought you were doing the right thing to protect people, and then suddenly, everything was all wrong? You said you feared you would be the new heretic if you messed up. Well what do you think happened to me?! You listened to the accusations of an angry old woman who has always wanted me to be alone. Don’t believe her.”

“So tell me. If it was a mistake, then tell me. What happened?”

He swallowed. He’d never tried to talk to anyone about that day. How did he even start? “I didn’t create the Fold on purpose. To understand what happened, you have to understand what led to it. I was in so much pain …” No, he realized. He couldn’t just start with the mistake and say he had been hurting when he had a lapse in judgement. No, he had to go back, so she could truly understand, but that meant going back to Luda. “They …” The word ‘killed’ wouldn’t cross his lips. He couldn’t get the image of Luda, helpless, her arms tied behind her back, begging him for help as they … “She …” he tried again, but no more words would come. He saw them stab the sword through her heart. He yanked to free his wrists of the bar that rendered him helpless to use his power to save her. Oh how he had loved her. He’d tried to protect himself because she was bound to die sometime, but he hadn’t been successful. There was nothing he could do to save her. As many times as he saw this nightmare over and over again, nothing in it ever changed. He was helpless. And she died. Because of him.

A single tear slipped down his cheek. He tried to blink back the rest. He couldn’t let Alina see him like this, not now, not while she hated him. He had to pull himself back together, but he found that without the anger, he was left with only pain that he could not control. Without the monster he unleashed to send darkness to protect him, he was vulnerable and hurt … and he couldn’t let her see …

More tears were falling. He could not erase the image of Luda’s anguished face … until it became Alina’s that they were about to murder in his nightmare.

Alina reached out and caught his arm. It was only in that moment that he realized that he was hyperventilating the way he did when he awoke from his nightmares. He couldn’t catch his breath. His throat was swelling shut. He would lose control of the shadows next if he didn’t get himself under control.

“Aleksander?” Her voice was suddenly full of concern.

She’d used his real name. Not the Black Heretic, not you, not even Kirigan. Aleksander. He dared glance up and saw her eyes had changed. She was worried. About him.

He opened his mouth to speak, but he found himself frozen staring into her eyes. What could he possibly say to stop the hatred from coming back? He wanted to stay just trapped in this moment where her eyes actually cared again. But how? He was so petrified at the idea of losing … her … in any sense he was facing losing her, and he could not survive it.

“You’re trembling,” she whispered. She fully wrapped her arms around him. “Let’s just go sit down on the chaise. Okay?”

He was confused why she would show him kindness now, but as he couldn’t manage to get his emotions under control, at least not without unleashing darkness so strong it might kill half the creatures in the woods, he found he could do little more than nod. He would have done anything she asked in that moment, to keep her gentle touch on him. She led him through the war room to his bedchamber. Sitting on the chaise, he simply stared into her eyes. He wanted to memorize every detail of this look, so he could hold onto it forever after she hated him again. He found himself matching his breathing to hers as she often had him do after a nightmare. And then she released her light, her warmth to envelop them. After some time, seconds, minutes, an hour, he wasn’t sure, he found he could swallow again. “Thank you,” he finally managed to whisper while hopelessly praying that wouldn’t mean the moment was over.

“Let’s try again,” she commanded. “To be clear, I’m still really pissed at you, but I do want to hear what you have to say. Perhaps with a bit of the truth this time?”

He nodded, but he wasn’t sure he was any more able to fulfil her request than he had been before. “I’ve never talked about it with anyone,” he confided. “It’s never not been with me, every waking nightmare, but I’ve never tried to put it into words. Without the monster that growls at anyone who gets close and uses the dark to protect himself … I’m not sure the man who is left can talk about it.” He wasn’t making much sense, he realized, but he hoped she understood.

“Let’s try,” she insisted. “Aleksander, you’ve lied to me about who you are from the beginning. How can you expect me not to believe Baghra’s version if you won’t tell me yours? I want to know if you’ve just been manipulating me this whole time or if … if …”

“No!” he gasped. How could she think that? “What I felt for you was always real!”

“I cannot truthfully return it if you are hiding who you are from me. So tell me. What drove you to create the Fold? If it wasn’t for power and control, then … what?”

He took a deep, shaky breath as he tried to think of where to begin to help her truly understand. “They were hunting Grisha, burning us on the pyres. Nowhere was safe. Ravka, Fjerda, Shu Han, they were all the same. Grisha were tortured and killed everywhere. We fled from one location to the next. My entire childhood. Once, they burnt … he was … I thought we could be friends if we stayed--he was just a child like me … right in front of me. I can still hear his screams. And the cheers of the otkazat'sya as he burned. Baghra said we couldn’t flee until it was over or they would suspect us. And then when it was clear, we would move on. But the king … when he discovered my powers, he thought I could have a use. Win his war. And I thought … I thought if I could show him that Grisha could be useful, could be allies, then he would stop the killing of Grisha. That I could help keep Grisha safe.”

“But that didn’t happen.”

“I won his war, but then they came for us to kill all known Grisha. All, Alina. They wiped out entire villages. Women. Children. It was my fault. I know now. All of their deaths are on me. I brought more attention on us. I should have known the king would never trust Grisha even though I was loyal to him. Luda … she was … my … lover? That word doesn’t seem to cover it. I loved her. I tried not to, but I did. They came for us. Shot me full of arrows over and over again. And then again. They think that Grisha cannot feel pain, but mortal wounds still hurt the same even if they do not kill you. Those scars, I still feel them. She … she … she …” He took a breath and focused on Alina. He had to stay focused on the now and not get lost in the nightmare again. She grew the warmth of her power to calm him so he could continue. Her sun could always soothe his darkness. “They killed her right in front of me. To punish me for being what I am. Hands bound behind my back, I was powerless to protect her. She was a healer. She was good and caring. She never harmed anyone. And they slaughtered her. Because of my stupid mistake of believing that people might accept us if we helped them. Because of me. Her death is on me.”

“And that’s the nightmares?”

He nodded his confirmation. “Sometimes the nightmares are of her death. It’s worse when they are of yours. I created the Fold because of the pain I was in for what they did to her. They would have kept coming until we were all dead. It was going to be genocide of our entire people. I needed something to defend us. I had never imagined the Fold. It wasn’t what I wanted, not what I was trying to make. I wanted an army to defend us, to protect Grisha so no one else would have to feel what I felt! What Luda felt when they ran a sword through her just for being Grisha. But the Fold came out. It was a mistake. Baghra warned me that Merzost is unpredictable, but I had no other choice! I couldn’t stand by and watch all Grisha die as she wanted me to. I didn’t know … I didn’t know any of it. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t still use it to protect us! It has protected us. How do you think I gained control of the Little Palace? We have a sanctuary for all Grisha! A terrible thing can still be used for our benefit.”

“Kirigan,” she said firmly. “We are destroying the Fold. That is my goal. A united Ravka. No more suffering.”

“Don’t you see, Alina? Don’t you get it yet? I created the Fold when they destroyed Luda. What will I do when they kill you? Because they already are trying. They attacked … Marie …” He still couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth about Marie’s death. Surely just the attempt alone would help her understand. “Your power is more than anything they have ever seen. They won’t let you simply be with that power! Without the Fold to protect us, what will stop them? Zlatan will not stop until he has your power or you are dead. If I kill him, then the Fjerdans will come for your power and kill you. And then what monstrous thing will I do? Will anyone survive my reaction to that pain? Because I love you a hell of a lot more than I ever loved her, and …”

And there it was. Out in the open. Of course, she knew he loved her. He delighted in making her feel loved and special after so many years alone. Still, he hadn’t meant for her to know how very deeply she owned his heart. There was no taking back the words now. “I’m scared of what I will do if I lose you,” he admitted. In any form, her death or her abandoning him. He’d grown too close, let his heart get too attached. He knew better! Love only ever resulted in pain. “It could be the end of Ravka.”

She stared at him a long while, not responding, simply … scrutinizing him. He held his breath, hoping he hadn’t frightened her with his revelation. It hung heavily in the air as he waited for her reaction. “I just don’t know how I can trust you. Are you manipulating me just now? It seems real, but … after talking to Baghra …”

He grabbed her hand and pressed it to his chest so she could truly feel him. He called to her power, but she tried to stop her power from responding to him. “I love you! You can feel that, Alina.”

“I don’t trust myself to be able to tell with you anymore.”

“You’re angry that I lied,” he whispered. He understood that. “So punish me, Alina. Punish me however you deem fit, but don’t leave me for being afraid you’d run from the truth. Please. Please don’t leave me.”

“Baghra told me to, you know. To run, to never look back. She had a way out for me.”

“But you didn’t,” he whispered, realizing she had chosen to come back to him. Ivan hadn’t hauled her in for running. She hadn’t even tried. “Why?”

She was quiet for a long moment. “I am Grisha. You’ve taught me that I can’t hide who I am. If I ran, went into hiding, concealed my power … no, I couldn’t go back to that, to not sleeping, not eating, not being myself.”

“I see.” He chastised himself for hoping he might have been a part of that reason. “And us?”

She opened her mouth to speak several times before she finally sighed in frustration. “I’m sorry. I’m just really struggling to deal with knowing that the man I fell in love with isn’t even real. The love for that man is still there, but he doesn’t exist.”

“Is who I am so vile that you can no longer see the man you love now that he has a name? A past?” His face contorted in anguish at her rejection. His eyes filled with tears again; his muscles quivered with the effort of trying to blink them back.

“I just don’t know what, if any of that, is real!”

“I’m real. We are real. I never faked any emotion with you. I just … if I tried to tell you a story about my past, I had to alter it so it would make sense with what you knew, but … I wasn’t manipulating you, Alina. I … this, us, happened so much faster than I expected. I was enjoying letting you in.” It had been stupid, but he had let it happen.

She shook her head. “I don’t want to hurt you, Aleksander. I want to trust you. Trust must be earned, especially after all you have hid from me.”

“We have eternity for me to earn it back,” he whispered. “If you will give me the chance. I will try, every day, forever, to show you that I am worthy of your trust if you will just give me that day with you.”

“Eternity?” she gasped, shaking her head. “You, but me?”

He tilted his head and looked at her with curiosity. “Had you not realized? Power is what determines a Grisha’s lifespan. I told you that. Your power rivals mine.” And the amplifier would get her there.

She shook her head. “I don’t … I’m not …”

He squeezed her hand. “You are so much more than you realize you are.”

She looked into his eyes and stared there a long time. She seemed almost lost in the blackness there, but finally she nodded. “I will give you the chance to prove to me that I can trust you. I do understand why you wouldn’t introduce yourself to me as the Black Heretic from moment one. You’re hurt, and ashamed, and broken, even all these years later. Don’t try to deny that,” she quickly stopped him from speaking. “I’ve seen the real you, Aleksander. But that’s just it. If we continue this relationship, it’s with Aleksander. No more lies. No more manipulations. You let me see the real you. I get to know you again, the real you. And, together, we decide on the best course of action. Together we fight the darkness that I can feel tries to overwhelm you. Together we fight to protect Grisha and Ravka. But as partners. I will not be your pawn.”

He nodded. What choice did he have? It was terrifying to let her in like this, but she had seen glimpses of who he was inside, when he let his guard down. If he refused, he would lose her for certain, and that was the most terrifying option of all.

“We’re agreed then? No more secrets? No more manipulation? Because if I catch you trying to manipulate me again, we are done.”

“I’m not very good at that, Alina,” he admitted. “I’ve never … there’s never been anyone I could be fully honest with. Not ever. I’ve been taught to lie since the moment I could talk.”

“You’ll try,” she said firmly.

“I’ll try,” he agreed, “for you.” He would do anything for her. “Please be patient with me, Alina. Hundreds of years, I’ve always lied to everyone.”

He began to think through what it might be like to share everything with her. It would be nice to be able to tell her the truth about his past, in his stories, to better explain his emotions, but he would struggle to not keep things from her, particularly when she wouldn’t like the truth. How many truths had he kept from her to protect her? Where should he even try to start to fill her in on the truth? Then he remembered what would probably irritate her worst of all. He closed his eyes and cringed. No, there was no way she could ever forgive him, so he couldn’t possibly tell her the truth about … But if she was giving him a chance to prove his trustworthiness and he continued to hide this ...

“Oh, I think you’d better tell me what that’s all about.”

“Alina …”

“Right now,” she insisted.

He moved his hand to his head and massaged his temple. Trying to figure out how to stay on her good side was going to be the end of him. And yet, he could not bear the alternative. No matter how he tried to manipulate things, if she could read his emotions so easily, she would eventually find out the truth. She was directly telling him she would not forgive further deceit. He had to tell her. “Very well,” he finally agreed. “As long as you are forgiving mistakes of the past.”

He strode to his desk, opened a lower drawer, and pulled out a large black box. He carried it back to the chaise in his bedchamber and sat it in front of her before opening the lid to reveal the letters from the tracker and her letters to him. They were rumpled from being read many times; the ink bled in a few places.

Alina gasped when she saw the handwriting, but then the anger clouded her eyes as she saw how many of them there were.

“How could you?!” she yelled.

“Alina …”

“You knew how much he meant to me! How it hurt me that he wouldn’t write back! I poured my heart out .... You let me think that he had abandoned me … so that I’d have no one to turn to but you,” she realized, her eyes turning on him with accusation.

“So that you would have nowhere to go but forward,” he clarified.

The sting of her hand slapping his face for the second time that day was enough to make him wince. “Alina, I really do not like being hit.” It made him feel like a child. He wouldn’t stop her, though. He knew he deserved much worse.

“How could you? How could you? You knew what that did to me. Didn’t you care about me at all? About my feelings?”

“I didn’t kill him out of respect for you,” he said coldly. “It would have been simple. Army accident, my army. But I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Am I supposed to thank you for that?” The anger was fully back, as he expected. But any forgiveness until he admitted this would have been false. He was stupid enough to want her to actually fully accept him, even when he knew that couldn’t be.

“You could thank me or you could just read your letters, Alina. Be glad I decided to give them to you. From the first one that I read it was obvious to me that he was holding you back. You would never let yourself move on as Grisha with him. I did what you needed.”

“You don’t get to decide that!” She shook her head with anger and opened her mouth to retaliate, but then instead started scanning the first letter.

“Keep them,” he whispered. “I’ll give you some space to read them if you wish.”

Her eyes met his. “You will fetch him for me at once.”

Of all her reactions, he had not expected that one. He stared at her dumbfounded.

“Mal,” she clarified. “Don’t tell me you don’t know where he is. I know better now. You will fetch him at once.”

“And you think that’s a good idea? Putting me, you know what I’m capable of, in the same place as your, what? You think that’s going to go well?”

“Aleksander, if you want a relationship, it must be a partnership. I am allowed to have friends. I won’t be involved with you trying to seclude me anymore. You feel very alone, but that does not give you the right to make me feel alone.”

“I let you have friends,” he stubbornly insisted. “Friends who lift you up--Nadia, Marie, Genya.” Okay, one of them was dead and one was his spy. It seemed an inappropriate moment to bring that up, and she was continuing her tirade anyway.

“If we are going to make this work, then you will find a way to control your anger and those impulses to manipulate. You will let me talk to Mal, uninterrupted. And if you don’t agree with that, then let’s see how your shadow magic matches against my sun as I try to leave!”

She was calling his bluff. He couldn’t do that to her and she knew it. “And what happens when he makes you realize you truly have been sleeping with a monster?”

“Then I tell him to shut up because he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You have to trust me enough to handle that.”

He stared into her eyes and wondered if this would be the last time she’d talk to him civilly. Mal would tell her that he’d tried to get to her, and he’d stopped him. Mal would make her fear his dark “shadow magic.” Mal would tell her to get away from him, but she had already directly told him that if he opposed this, he would lose her. Oh, he would win the power test. Her natural talent was strong but he had the experience. Having control of her power would not change her heart. Ever. If he let her have as she requested, was it possible it wouldn’t go the way he imagined? It was worth the risk. “As you wish, but remember who you are. You are Grisha, and he is nothing.”

=======

Author Notes: I do hope you enjoyed this chapter. This is actually the very first chapter of the entire story that I wrote many months ago and that inspired the whole thing. What if Alina had bonded enough to Aleksander that she confronted him when she learned the truth? What if Aleksander had bonded enough to Alina that he actually let her behind his walls and was willing to open up to her with the truth? How would they get there? Where would they go from there? It's my favorite scene, and I hope you enjoyed it too.

I'm sure people will ask if she's actually going to meet with Mal. The answer is yes, but don't worry. There will be no lusting after Mal here. It's Aleksander's POV. Mal isn't even on screen. Aleksander has no desire to see that crap, I don't want to write it, and you (probably) don't want to read it. It seemed important for me to let Alina realize for herself that Mal is bad for her (and she will). This Alina has had a bit more time to develop her self-esteem and she doesn't feel as tricked by Aleksander and shamed by Baghra's words. She's seen enough to realize there's more to the story. The next chapter is sad-puppy-eyed Aleksander angsting over Alina. You will definitely want to cuddle him.

[lunarbuck]

What Once Was

xxvii. Twenty-Seven

chapter summary: a note from your's truly

series masterlist ✧

I can’t believe it’s over. It has been an absolute honor to write this story and share it with you! What Once Was has been an idea in my head for such a long time and the fact that I was finally able to get it all down is insane. It started while I was still writing Greatest Hits when I had the idea for a character who was an agent for HYDRA. She’d have a metal leg and a daughter, and her neighbor would be Bucky Barnes. I planned out the timeline, did the math, figured out how old she’d be… the devil’s in the details, my friends. I poured myself into creating Elizabeth’s world and I am so thankful to have shared it with you all. As a writer, I put a piece of myself into every character and every story. What Once Was is one of my all-time favorite creations and it will forever have part of my heart.

I know some chapters surely were better than others but I am very proud of what I have created with this story. Though I mapped out the general plot of the entire story early on, I didn’t think it would be this long! Thank you for sticking with me throughout it, I am so thankful.

These past few months have been incredible. I have loved hearing your thoughts throughout the whole process and I just wanted to say thank you so so much. Special shoutout to holsvick on ao3 for always telling me your thoughts, I always looked forward to getting an email about one of your comments! Thank you to anyone who left kudos or even just read this story. I never imagined it would reach as many people as it did.

I have been working on my next fic and I hope that if you enjoyed my writing you may consider checking it out! I will be posting it here and on my ao3 :) It is pretty different from the other two stories I’ve posted but I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes. Please know that I am always here for each and every single one of you! If you want to chat about literally anything, please don’t be afraid to reach out :) I love talking to people and making new friends so never hesitate to send me a message. Thank you for your time, I can’t wait to see you in the next one.

Much Love - Jane <3

[dabidagoose]

What's your fave video game sountrack(s)? =^o

Ok that is a very loaded question so this is gonna be a long ass response, I hope you're prepared for what you've done.

(ok there's a tl;dr at the end if you want it sorry for this lmao)

FIRST POINT my immediate thought was the Ikenfell soundtrack (actually my immediate thought is I can't fuckin' choose they're all amazing but. then ikenfell). On the personal side, I was pretty much obsessed with the game for like three months straight, and i fuckin' love aivi and surasshu's music. I am also a simp for chiptune so jot that down. Moving past what may very well just be personal preference there are some incredibly interesting musical choices and impeccable choices story-wise that hit just. SO fuckin hard. Like emotionally. I won't elaborate on to the context and why the song works so well but the final battle theme is absolutely SPECTACULAR. (I could elaborate though so. ask if you will and i'll write another spiel on why it breaks my heart and soul). But also to reference a less-plot relevant piece I'm gonna bring up Alchemy is for Everyone. The squish bass sounds at the beginning are SUCH a fun environmental sound, it is really just NOT a sound I hear often which makes the track really stand out. And it fits SO perfectly for all the slimes and just. It's so WET. I love it. Makes me wanna wriggle. Which ok is probably also personal preference on reflection because my friend hates a wet song that I love but. Ok it's GOOD. Anyways continuing to the melody the fuckin PITCH bends. This is digital music at it's peak. We get the fun sounds. We get the fuckin pitch bends. Which are so fun because having slightly out of tune notes is such a fun feeling. It's a little off kilter, it's a little different. It's just SO funky and sounds so awesome to bend those pitches just a little bit, take full advantage of the medium and play around with it. Now I'm gonna talk a bit about why I love aivi & surasshu's music so much which. Ok so I believe(?) they coined the term "digital fusion" where you're mixing all these fun fresh digital sounds with real instruments/more traditional sounds and it can work SO fuckin well (for extra musical literature on this subject I'd like to suggest Yoann Turpin and specifically Chip Ship). Which we already get a taste of that where the pitch bends are playing on piano but it really kicks in when the violin takes over the melody and it's SUCH a graceful instrument in comparison to all this funky/awkward stuff we've had. The dichotomy is fuckin awesome. The violin is like a graceful victorian socialite ballroom dancing in after these pitch bends just pinned their arms to their sides and wiggled their hips around. We then get a third spacey instrument (I. have no idea what it is.) and it is. SUCH a switch. We have moved from awkward and stilted to almost too perfect and graceful (I forgot to write before but the high piano at the violin adds so much) to a moment of awe and discovery. We are now exploring the universe, the world of science and alchemy, and it is fantastic. The song almost seems to have it's own little narrative, and this is just a backing track for exploring one of the buildings!!!! This is within the first couple hours of gameplay, it is incredibly non-plot-relevant but SUCH a piece of art. I am absolutely in a slime ball watching amazing science happen so precisely and it is. so fuckin cool. And I could probably go off about every single other song, but in the interest of keeping away spoilers and finishing this post before 2 am, I will not. (Addendums because I can: this is less wet than the one my friend hates, and also this song is MOIST. I would also like to mention It's Showtime and Between the Lines as other song favorites but if I went into them I would never sleep.)

Okokokok. So. So SECOND point (I'm. so sorry.) I looked at my video game music soundtrack (I have two main soundtracks one for just every music but I didn't want to overwhelm it with VG music so I made one just for that that has ENTIRE soundtracks from almost every game I've played which. oops.) and I found two other contenders based mostly on I Really Liked The Games. The Oneshot soundtrack and the Night in the Woods soundtrack. Ok I'm gonna talk about Night in the Woods first cause HOLY shit. holy shit. The fucking astral songs. Those are fucking masterpieces. Such a simple ensemble but it creates such an INTENSE atmosphere. I really love instrumental music can you tell. I specifically want you listening to Astral Train for this one (played it for my senior recital and even though I had to play the violin part on clarinet I maintain it was one of the best choices I've ever made), but we the way the layers blend together is a fucking masterpiece. Since this song had to be designed so that any layer could play alone and each one could join in any order, each part of the quartet has to be interesting, but they still all must blend together and so they each get melody moments but the harmony/bass lines have to be interesting as well and. They ARE. This is such a hard task and it's accomplished SO. INCREDIBLY. WELL. (Side note: also makes for a good ensemble piece for, say, your and your friends' senior recitals, so everyone gets fun parts, a chance in the limelight, and a chance to rest, haha totally irrelevant note right there definitely no connection to my real life). With Astral Train we really get this cool ghostly train feel and through all the Astral pieces we REALLY feel the absolute intensity of Mae's dreams and the music creates such an immaculate vibe. It is unmatched. The rest of the soundtrack contains plenty of bops in a variety of genres too, where the bass songs have to be both playable and fun (Die Anywhere Else my beloved), and we get nostalgic and mischievous music fit for this ragtag team. This is the feeling I've had hanging out with my teenage friends at 10 PM in a parking lot. It is absolutely perfect for this video game. The music is SUCH a bop and really emotionally connects to me cause the game is such a bop of a plot. It is truly fantastic. (Addendum: Ok listening to Gregg rn and. Holy shit bop. I love him. I love this)

Ok now onto Oneshot, which, admittedly, does not have as strong a holding on the podium as these other two do, but curse me for having been emotionally destroyed by the video game because now I am emotionally attached to the music too. But, again, ATMOSPHERE. I am once again gonna be speaking in the interest of spoilers here, so I hope anyone who's finished the game will forgive what I'm not saying, but the entire landscape of this desolate planet is just SO much. The world is so simple and empty, and yet awe is often mixed with this feeling of despair. This is incredibly fitting for Niko, for the hopeful little pal they are, and creates an incredible effect. (I included specific song reccs for the last but I don't quite for this - so I'll just say now that I'm listening to On Little Cat Feet). The visuals are fairly simple, the map small, and just looking at the game the world feels incredibly small. But the music makes it all seem so vast. We really get put into Niko's shoes (or their little cat feet I suppose), and get to see this world for the vast, terrifying, but incredible place it is. The music makes you feel like that child seeing a new world for the first time, (this isn't spoilers past the first chapter but I'm warning you anyways) even though you are meant to be a god, you are still made to feel small and the world still large. The music does so much of this work, and it's incredible. Throughout the soundtrack the underlying angst, the despair, remains present, and the game has so much more impact for the music. No game is incomplete without it's music, and Nightmargin does a fantastic job creating this music for Oneshot. I haven't analyzed the actual music instruments/structure so much, but it's those instrumental sounds again tearing at my heart strings again. I would also like to recommend this game beyond the soundtrack, since it is an incredible story, with some puzzling gameplay, and it has made me feel how no other game has. It is a masterpiece of a game, and I implore everyone to play it through. Get hints if you need to, or play alone, just make it to the Ending. You'll know when you're there. (Addendum: I think I'm very repetitive here but I refuse to edit it so you have to live with this. Anyways gonna say it again: Play Oneshot!!)

Now I have chosen three game soundtracks that had a story that incredibly connected with me, and music to bolster that story and those emotions in incredibly meaningful ways. But there are so many others with great music, but that didn't necessarily connect on such an emotional level. Portal and Portal 2 have fantastic soundtracks, Celeste has beautiful music, Underhero has some funky and spectacular beats, Undertale and Deltarune are famously incredible (although I also did emotionally connect with them... but they're already talked about enough. Lancer beloved.), Clam Man is just. Fun., Oxenfree is also incredibly atmospheric and spectacular, Sewer Rave just has nice beats, and Minecraft is nostalgic as all hell. There are so many games to choose from, that from the moment I saw your question I knew I would be writing a far too long Tumblr post to answer you, because it feels an injustice to just answer one without reasoning, or without bringing to light all of the other amazing sounds I've discovered.

To finally answer your question, I think Ikenfell deserves the top spot in my heart. My instinct was right, there's fresh sounds, great musical structure (see: Between the Lines that I didn't elaborate on), incredibly emotional sounds, and fantastic storytelling within the soundtrack. But I love all of these other soundtracks, so I must bring them up. For they also have spots in my heart.

TL;DR - Ikenfell wins but I also love Oneshot and Night in the Woods and many others so I don't know what to say chief (lies i have too much to say)

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 272: (Directed by Michael Bay)

Previously on BnHA: The My Child Soldiers Academia arc finally started to live up to its name as Tokoyami became the first (but I assure you not the last) victim of traumatic mental scarring courtesy of Horikoshi’s sick games! So he and Dark Shadow showed up to stop Dabi from murdering Hawks and were all “please don’t kill our mentor.” Dabi was all “AH BUT YOUR MENTOR KILLED SOMEONE ELSE, AND ISN’T THAT JUST LIKE THE HEROES THOUGH, THEIR HANDS ARE SO STAINED WITH BLOOD” and then he tried to set both of them on fire several times in succession. Hawks was all “Tokoyami just run away while he’s in the middle of his five-hour sermon” and so they tried but Dabi followed them! But then Geten was all “ALL RIGHT EVERYONE... CHILL” and fucking froze everything for no discernible reason, and Tokoyami fled the building with an unconscious Hawks in tow as the battle raged on. The chapter then ended with Gigantomachia being all “I smell my master!” and standing up, hahaha oh fuck.

Today on BnHA: Well you guys are not going to believe this, but it turns out that Tomura waking up is actually a very bad thing. A “worst case scenario” if you will! Because, get this, he has a quirk that can destroy anything, which spreads from whatever he touches to fucking everything and everywhere else. Gosh, if only we’d known about this since like 35 chapters ago. If only we’d had a spy among the villains who could have warned us, and three entire months to plan our attack, and literally every single hero in Japan on call to help us when the time came. Anyway so you’re really going to be shocked by this I’m telling you, but it turns out that when a crazy powerful person who wants to destroy everything finally wakes up, he immediately starts destroying everything with his crazy power. So X-Less dies and Crust dies and everyone else runs, and meanwhile the kids, who are on the outskirts of the city finishing up the evacuation, stand there in shock as the plot rampages toward them ready to swallow them whole. The chapter ends with Deku powering up to FORTY-FIVE PERCENT YEAHHHHH, and oh shit. Finally we’re doing this.

I am not even remotely done with all the shit I’m supposed to be finishing up, but fuck it, I need a break and reading the new chapter is by far the funnest thing on my current to-do list, so!

OH SNAPS MY BOY HAS FINALLY OPENED HIS EYES

IT ONLY TOOK HIM... OKAY LOOK I’M NOT GOING TO GO BACK AND COUNT ALL OF THE CHAPTERS, BUT LET’S SAY... FIFTEEN. ...HUNDRED. CHAPTERS TO FINALLY SNAP TO IT AND COME JOIN THE PARTY. BUT IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! PROBABLY. AHH LET’S JUST READ ON

-- ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohm --

[puts on glasses and unfolds map while poring through a mess of scribbles on post-it notes] -- hold up, if my calculations are correct, I’m pretty sure “somewhere a bit further from the hospital” is, in fact, where a certain THREE TROUBLE-PRONE DISASTERS ARE CURRENTLY HOLED UP. AHHH

can it really be true. are we finally rejoining our protagonist and his buddy cop friends after 97 years. how will everyone react to Deku reacting to Tomura waking up ahhhh

so Burnin’ is yelling at the civilians to let them know if they have any family or friends who need assistance evacuating

god I hate the fact that this is a fucking understatement

they’re not taking any chances after Kamino and Fukuoka huh. fool them once, shame on you. fool them twice, oh shit. but there will not be a third time! no one fucking destroys three cities in the span of six months on their watch, no sirree

(ETA: ...)

lol the kids are trying to get the elderly citizens on a bus to evacuate, but a lady is trying to give them candy and Kacchan and Ochako are of two different minds on whether or not to accept

Kacchan is absolutely right about Ochako’s motivations, but in her defense, who the fuck turns down free chocolate

IIDA!!

FUCKING CHRIST JAPAN IT’S 200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T SWITCHED TO DIGITAL RECORD-KEEPING? WHY IS THIS THE MOST REALISTIC THING IN THE ENTIRE MANGA TO DATE. MY GOOD SIR, IIDA IS LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH, ALL RECORDS AND BUILDINGS ABSOLUTELY CAN AND WILL BE COMPLETELY OBLITERATED IN THE CARNAGE TO COME. I’M SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO INFORM YOU OF THIS, BUT DAMN IT SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

(ETA: I sure hope these poor bastards had good insurance.)

also. this man here who looks like Beaker from the Muppets, who presumably has the power of Doing Anything Those Wacky Flailing Inflatable Tube Men That You See Outside Of Car Dealerships Can Do. ...yes. that’s it. that’s an intentionally incomplete sentence with a subject but no predicate. I just feel like we should all sit and stare at him for a good thirty more seconds before continuing on with our lives

OH MY GOD

THEY’RE EVACUATING THE PETS TOO AHHHH. EXCUSE ME CERTAIN SOMEONES WHO THINK ALL HEROES ARE “DIRTY.” I SEE YOUR ARGUMENTS AND RAISE YOU THIS ONE SINGLE PANEL. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT. NOW WHAT DABI. AT A LOSS FOR WORDS I SEE. YOU JUST SIT AND PONDER THAT FOR A WHILE

is... this... a space shuttle man

is this literally just a man with a Boeing for a head. FUCKING QUIRKS THOUGH!!!!! ~*~wild~*~

OH MY GOD AND WE’RE BACK

time for some HORCRUX SHENANIGANS!! IS YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT SCAR BURNING DEKU. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED IS BACK AHHHH

so now he’s slightly hunching forward with his hands pressed together and Todoroki is immediately sensing that something is wrong ahhhhh

(ETA from like 5 days later: I had that as “Tokoyami” instead of “Todoroki” for the better part of a solid week you guys. SHOUTO YOU WERE GONE FOR SO LONG I FORGOT YOUR FUCKING NAME whoop.)

here come dat angst. here comes Horikoshi’s hand beckoning the trio closer and welcoming them to the pain parade ahhh. from now on that’s how I’m ending all my sentences btw. it just seems right. ahhh

OH MY LORD OH MY

ladies and gentlemen, YOU WERE SAYING DEKU DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT LATELY? HE’S NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH AS A PROTAGONIST, IS HE? well maybe that’s because Horikoshi has been saving this one juiciest of plot nuggets for a rainy day precisely like this! BRING ON THAT CHOSEN ONE ANGST AHHHHH

anyway so yes it is indeed OFA speaking to him in the form of Lil Bro a.k.a. the first user

lol I’m trying to think of commentary but it’s difficult seeing as I’M ALREADY SCROLLING DOWN TO IMPATIENTLY READ THE NEXT PAGE

lmao the fuck

okay Princess Zelda. can you get any more flowery with those descriptions though. A TRANSCENDENT BEING. A SUPERLATIVE ENTITY. A SUBLIME, PREEMINENT ORGANISM. FREED FROM ITS SHACKLES. UNFETTERED BY ALL EARTHLY LIMITATIONS

OH MY GOD

it absolutely boggles my mind that this guy is somehow still alive. ??! how many chapters and panels has it been now. he’s like the goat in the t-rex pen in fucking Jurassic Park. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET EATEN ALREADY

...

do you... want a blanket. ...?

(ETA: do you ever just. wake up and you’re like “ah shit it’s cold”, and then you destroy an entire city. mm.)

do you all suppose X-Less is fully aware that he’s about to die though? he hasn’t even moved. I imagine that sitting next to Tomura actually is much like sitting next to a giant t-rex. like he has to know there is no getting out of this alive. poor guy

damn Mic isn’t even looking back he’s just running back into the main room where all the rest of them are

wow this fight is still going on

I don’t know why, I just expected it to all magically be over all of a sudden now that we have bigger things to worry about. do you guys remember when we were all worried about the High End Noumus being the biggest threat. hahahahaha

(ETA: moment of silence for ALL OF THE FUCKING HIGH ENDS lmao. that did not go how I expected that plotline to go AT ALL, but at least we got the best fucking battle in the entire manga out of it.)

jesus CHRIST ENOUGH WITH THIS

WE GET IT TOMURA IS DANGEROUS AND SCARY AND EVIL AND AWAKE!!! JUST PLEASE GET TO IT ALREADY GOD I’M BEGGING YOU

FINALLY

goddammit. my reaction to this should have been much more “!!!” and “OH SHIT”, but he dragged it out so much that my initial reaction was one more of relief than horror. maybe it’s because of the way I read the chapters, constantly pausing to do commentary as I go along, but whenever a chapter has a ton of panels of people just staring into the distance awash with dread, it really stands out to me lol. there’s only so much I can write about that kind of thing. ah well at least we’re finally getting to the action

I genuinely can’t tell if Ujiko is frightened that he’s about to be disintegrated by Tomura’s quirk, or excited that Tomura is awake

maybe both lol. well don’t worry you’re not gonna die that easily, much as you would not catch me complaining if you did

thanks Gran

lol where was all this speed throughout the rest of this arc though. “we’re only competent when the plot necessitates it” huh. is that right

oh shit it’s destroying the rest of the lab

those are all of Ujiko’s collected quirks, right? someone please tell me if this is a good or a bad thing. on the one hand if they’re all destroyed it means Tomura can’t get them and Ujiko can’t make any more Noumus. but on the other hand this means they won’t ever be able to give them back to the original users (if any of them are even still alive). and also that’s a lot of evidence that’s being wiped out as well

oh shit they didn’t know about this?!

even after Deika City, you didn’t put two and two together?? even with all of Hawk’s intel?? what the hell did you think happened there?

well this explains why everyone was so la-dee-da-no-rush about capturing him though. well that’s on you guys. next time maybe don’t waste 20 minutes uselessly battling redshirt Noumus while Mirko has to do everything herself

anyway so I feel like people other than X-Less are almost certainly going to die here, and fuck. I’m not ready for any of this

AHH THE KIDS

BIT SLOW ON THE UPTAKE THERE KACCHAN LOL. FOR A MOMENT YOU HAD ME WORRIED THERE WAS SOMEHOW A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THREAT APPROACHING FROM THE OTHER SIDE, BEFORE YOU TURNED AROUND TO LOOK WHERE THE OTHERS WERE LOOKING

ALSO JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT SHOUTO’S DAD IS IN THAT HOSPITAL, ALONG WITH THEIR TEACHER! HERE. COME. DAT. ANGST

LOOK AT THIS CONSPICUOUSLY INTACT BUILDING AS IT STANDS THERE ALL OMINOUSLY WITH THE NEARBY BIRDS AND CRITTERS FRANTICALLY FLYING AWAY

I want to see it crumble so bad. now this is the kind of foreboding cinematic disaster movie bullshit I can get into

FFFF WHY IS THIS PANEL SO HARD TO SEE

THERE’S TOO MUCH CHAOS AND TOO MANY PEOPLE LOST AMIDST ALL THESE SHATTERING AND FALLING TUBES, BUT I NEED TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS SAFE AHHH

...okay so I see Ryuukyuu in the top right, and I think that’s RockLockRock on her back. Thirteen is clearly there in the bottom center, but I don’t know who that is next to them. and then of course Gran and Mic on the left. and a bunch of others spread out in various other places, but... where the hell is Aizawa??

OH THANK GOD

FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI, I KNOW FULL WELL YOU’RE NOT JUST GOING TO KILL OFF THE WORLD’S PREEMINENT DAD STRAIGHT UP OUT OF THE BLUE HERE, AND YET I STILL FELT ANXIETY AT THIS LAST PANEL. HOW DID YOU EVEN

BITCH YOU BETTER LET THE FUCK GO BEFORE I --

!!!

oh my god I gasped in real life. stop making me fear for the lives of main characters!!

he. he --. crust. he. ...

I literally stopped reading and had to stop and cover my mouth with both of my hands I’m

silence. no screaming. no flailing. no freaking out. just silence

shit. rest in peace you old sedimentary bastard. respect to you for saving the father of my children in your last fleeting moments. I still have not the slightest idea how you rose through the ranks to somehow become the sixth fucking highest rated hero (HERO BILLBOARD CHART, IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT. ARE YOU FEELING OKAY), but you sure did go out with style though

also this may be tacky of me to point out during such an emotionally charged moment, but one second Aizawa is wearing his goggles like normal, and the next they’re suddenly pushed up onto his forehead so we can see the anguish in his bloodshot eyes. there was no reason to do that other than angst and we all know it. so yes Shouta you dramatic bitch, I am calling you out. why Horikoshi felt he had to add to your many accumulated traumas is beyond me. you don’t deserve this and I am so, so sorry

OH GOOD I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK WHERE THE FUCK ENDEAVOR WAS

seeing as we just went over this with Gran, I will take the high road here and won’t ask why you’re only this fast now and couldn’t have been this useful this ages ago back before Tomura woke up. oh wait does sarcastically saying I won’t bring it up count as bringing it up. well whatever. middle road, then

sob I’m getting flashbacks to the end of Return of the Jedi when they’re all frantically flying out of the Death Star as it explodes

friendly reminder that Ryuukyuu, clearly the fastest one here despite carrying like 20 people, was number 10 in the rankings for some unknown reason. again, r.i.p. Crust you well-meaning geriatric soul

also just a stray thought, I hope it’s clear now why it was so important to give Deku those additional quirks. at a minimum he needs Blackwhip and Float just so he doesn’t instantly die the moment he’s in Tomura’s general vicinity. sob I’ve joked so much about flying quirks and here they are becoming fucking prerequisites now

anyway so Ujiko is mourning the loss of his lab, which again, good riddance mostly. but r.i.p. that evidence though

(ETA: nah the “total loss” part is referring to how the heroes fucked up so soundly and thoroughly. anyway no one would blame Mic if he accidentally dropped Ujiko in the midst of all this chaos, I’m just saying. I guess they need any intel he could still provide now more than ever though.)

OH MY GOD!!

LAUNDRY HERO WASH?! THIS SUDSY BOI CAN ACTUALLY KICK ASS WHAAAAT

oh my god oh my god it’s still spreading??!

fuck fuck fuck at this rate it’ll reach the kids

(ETA: that happened really fast actually.)

-- oh FUCK NO you had better NOT FUCKING TOUCH FUCKING PIXIE BOB, I WILL MAIL MYSELF TO JAPAN PANDEMIC OR NO PANDEMIC. DO YOU NOT SEE THE SIGN THAT SAYS “OFF-LIMITS.” RESPECT THE SIGN

SOB SHE’S SO BADASS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S STILL DISINTEGRATING FUCCCCCK. FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK EVERYTHING

AHHHHH

I can’t tell if her earthbending was able to stop it or not?? god help us all if it didn’t, I’m not even sure what else could stop it at this point

SHUT UP UJIKO!!

they really did. only to fuck it up completely at the finish line. well, the man most singularly responsible for it is dead now, again r.i.p. Crust you useless old legend

lmao despite myself

“by a miracle, or maybe through sheer will” even he acknowledges that Tomura waking up was basically complete bullshit. yes blah blah yadda yadda got zapped by some exposed wires explanation science. because we all know that getting electrocuted will fix you right up when your heart has stopped and you have completely flatlined. you can definitely trust Horikoshi on this and there’s absolutely no need to google how defibrillators actually work

also is he somehow wearing a cape now. again by a miracle or maybe through sheer will

YESSSSSSS

(ETA: one has to wonder what Ujiko’s plan was, assuming this scheme had actually played out. were they just banking on Tomura not waking up cranky and disoriented and wanting to test out his power. his quirk doesn’t exactly distinguish friend from foe here I’m just saying.)

the part of me that goes all “ooh ahh” when all the buildings explode in Independence Day is singing inside. but never fear, the rest of me is appropriately horrified though. what was that Burnin’ was saying about the city becoming a large-scale battle zone? sob

also this page sure serves as a nice refresher for exactly why Tomura Waking Up Was Bad, which was inexplicably a topic of some debate in recent weeks. yes in spite of everything the villains are still the bad guys who’d have thought. almost as if the purpose of humanizing a character is to show that they’re human, not that they’re right

WHAT’S THIS NOW???

WELL I’LL BE. IT’S BEEN AN EVENTFUL THREE MONTHS, APPARENTLY!??

HOOAHHHHHHHH

IT’S A BIRD IT’S A PLANE IT’S A BADASS OH SHIIIIITTTTTT

finally finally finally!!!!!!

THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN, REPEAT, THE SHIT HAS HIT THE PROVERBIAL FAN. THE PLOT IS FINALLY HAPPENING, REPEAT, THE PLOT IS FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENING AHHHHHH

and there is no one coming to save them this time. no one to arrive at the last second and say “it’s all right now because I am here.” they have to save themselves. they have to save everyone. the training wheels are finally coming off. the safety net has been removed. after 272 chapters, the story has finally reached a point where these kids, these children, who in spite of all they’ve been through have been protected and shielded from the worst of it up till now, will finally have to be the ones to save the day all on their own

and they are not ready. but also maybe they kind of are??! but they definitely are not. and oh god oh god oh god, FINALLY WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS. TIME TO FIX THE MESS THOSE SILLY GROWN-UPS MADE, CHILDREN. YOU GOT THIS

[thebibliomancer]

Tides of the Dark Crystal liveblog pt 24

Tides of the Dark Crystal by J.M. Lee because THE MARINER IS BACK and that’s a bad thing. For the protagonists. I’m pretty excited about it personally.

Last times on book: Amri and co are on a quest to unify the Gelfling clans against the Skeksis. They’ve succeeded with the Sifa and Dousan, causing impressive pyrotechnics that burned a record of the plot into nearby surfaces. While they were working at that, All-Maudra Mayrin was killed by the Skeksis and they’ve installed her daughter Seladon as the new All-Maudra. After meeting the urRu Swimmer in a dream, maybe, Amri came up with a plan to use the Waystar Trees on the nearby mountains to reach out to the Vapra. The group finds the Swimmer’s secret mountain house and stops in to warm up but they’re surprised by skekSa the Mariner.

Chapter 24

Tavra makes an appeal to the Vapra; skekSa isn’t mad, she’s just disappointed. Also, she’s livid.

So last chapter ended with skekSa demanding to know where the Swimmer is.

“We don’t know what you’re talking about,” Naia said.

skekSa swept closer, filling the room. She tilted her head at Amri, counting the number of Gelfling before her, then leaned over the worktable and smoothed her claws along the paper and ink, touched the tomes and scrolls. Her gaze lingered on the maps they’d been looking at, then came back to the Gelfling before her.

“Maybe I believe you.”

“Why are you in Ha’rar?” Amri asked. “Weren’t you supposed to stay with the Sifa in Cera-Na?”

“Why would I? They abandoned me. Without their navigators and charts, I cannot escape this infernal mainland. Then Emperor skekSo called me to Ha’rar when things got, how shall we put it? Complicated. With All-Maudra Mayrin. And I remembered that there is someone with the charts I need, who keeps them in her tower near the Vapra Waystar grove.”

Oof.

You have to feel for skekSa a little.

Okay, so she wasn’t helping the Sifa escape out of the goodness of her heart, she desperately wanted to escape too.

She’s absolutely paranoid that the Emperor would send assassins after her for her defiance in, I guess, trying not to live in his hierarchy.

And even if you take into account the show where the death of a Skeksis is unthinkable to the Emperor, remember too that there’s a lot that the Skeksis will do to each other that won’t result in death.

I don’t blame her for wanting to escape.

But perceiving it as the Sifa abandoning her to not abandon the other Gelfling is not a healthy way of coming at it.

Anyway, this reminds Amri of the Swimmer saying “what is a compass without a ship” and he realizes that the inverse “what is a ship without a compass” is true too. But says it aloud for some reason.

And this makes skekSa very angry, although she calms down to go back to being classy hiding menace.

She mentions that skekZok told her about an encounter the Chamberlain had with a group of Gelfling where “one in particular -- a Vapra, to his memory, but I think he may be mistaken -- threw Sifa fire dust in his eye.”

“You wouldn’t know who that might have been, my little apothecary?”

Amri tried not to shrink back. “He was asking for it.”

“Oh, you can burn out both his weepy eyes for all I care.”

HAH!

No surprise that the Mariner who hates Skeksis politics would hate the Chamberlain. He practically is Skeksis politics.

But the major takeaway of the story was the Chamberlain’s description of the Drenchen in the group. A Drenchen who matched the description of the Drenchen who escaped the Castle of the Crystal.

Naia.

“Ritual Master skekZok is very keen in this aspect, you see. And since we are friends, he and I, then you can imagine I am keen as well.”

Ruh roh.

“Of course, I didn’t fully understand his interest in you when we met in Cera-Na,” skekSa continued. “But now that I do, and now that he’s offered a reward for your capture, how fortunate it is that you are here before me, trapped in this tiny room.”

RUH ROH.

Interesting that the Mariner did know who Naia was all along. She just didn’t care at the time when Operation Go Somewhere Else was on the table.

Naia promises she’ll die before she lets herself be drained but skekSa says that skekZok doesn’t want to drain her. The Skeksis need her and Gurjin to study their twin bond to answer some questions that many of them have been wondering.

Kylan stood up, standing firm beside Naia. “Aughra said you’re wrong. She said it’s not going to help you understand how to drain your other halves.”

skekSa scoffed.

“Is that what they think? Unfortunate.”

Hah.

The Skeksis are way off base but skekSa would get her reward for bringing Naia in either way. I like that she’s scornful at how they’re barking up the wrong tree.

Its what I expect from an accomplished pirate captain detective scientist like her.

But since a reward is a reward and because she doesn’t want to fool arond, she offers a deal. She gets to take Naia. In exchange, the rest of the group gets to go if they promise to leave the mountain immediately and not get in skekSa’s way again.

(Imagine from her point of view where you keep running into protagonists)

Naia pointed her dagger at skekSa. Before Amri could stop her, she said, “I’ll take that deal, but I won’t go without a fight.”

“Naia, no --”

Kylan’s protest was cut off by skekSa’s grin. She knocked aside her coat, baring the glinting gold handle of a long blade slung at her waist, putting a hand on the grip and sliding it loose with a deadly, metallic scrape.

“I accept your challenge,” she said.

Fairly accommodating of skekSa, really.

It lets her friends get away and it means she can try to run away because thats part of the struggle.

I mean, its not quite fair. Skeksis way outweigh Gelflings and hit like a truck. And skekSa is in the prime of her whatever age she is, not like those creaky castle dwelling Skeksis. Fresh salt air has done a body good.

Tae decides to stay and fight with Naia while the rest go and do the Plan they’d Planned on. And Tae is their best fighter.

Amri recognizes that this is the best chance they’ll get, hates it, but grabs an angry Kylan and runs anyway.

They (Amri, Kylan, and spider Tavra) trudge through the snow and up an almost vertical slope and reach the circular grove of glowing blue and white Waystar trees.

And at a good time. Far below in Ha’rar, the Vapra gather and the Skeksis will come to the gathering soon.

Hm. I wonder if whats taking the Skeksis so long is skekSa up and disappearing on a mountain hike. She was called to Ha’rar to help and she went off on a personal errand.

I can imagine skekZok looking for her around the Citadel, cursing as he finds her boots behind a curtain making it look like she was hiding behind that curtain. Or something like that.

Amri searches the Waystar trees, to find the ideal one whose roots burrow into the mountain and intertwine with the veins of water and ice that spread to the city below.

He finds the sturdiest tree and his rock sense or whatever lets him feel the whole mountain and every street of Ha’rar by touching its bark.

“It has grown here since long before the Vapra arrived,” he said. “Before Ha’rar. This tree knows the entire mountain, the entire valley. Runs under the citadel and through every street of Ha’rar. If it agrees to carry Tavra’s message, every Gelfling in the snowy land will see her dream. Hear her voice, and know they are not alone...”

AH HA! So that’s the plan! Amri’s rock sense, Kylan’s music magic, and Tavra’s Tavra to reach every Vapran in Ha’rar through something like dreamfasting that the Skeksis can’t overhear. Good the Plan, Amri!

Kylan starts playing a similar tune to the one he played before the Sanctuary Tree, causing the Waystar trees to glow even brighter.

Amri sees a dreamfast of the three of them standing in the grove but Tavra is with them in her Gelfling body, dressed as a Vapra princess.

“Hear me, Gelfling of Ha’rar. I can only hope you hear me and recognize my voice. I do not have much time, so I can only tell you part of all I have to say. And it is that the Skeksis have lied to all of us. The dream on the pink petals is true. The Skeksis have begun draining us, deep in the Castle of the Crystal. My mother the All-Maudra knew this and planned to rise against them. And in punishment, the Ritual Master and the General murdered her.”

Amri felt a tremble in the dream, as if the earth itself was shivering. The whispers that shuddered through the tree’s veins and the ice and rock were from the Vapra. From anyone who was listening, who heard Tavra’s voice.

“I do not know what the future holds for the Gelfling, but I know this: No matter what the Skeksis say to you, no matter how dark the night may seem -- there are friends in that darkness, waiting for you. Readying the torches we will bring against the Skeksis, when it is time for their reckoning. We will survive. We will endure. Wait for our signal. Let it guide you and we will be victorious, so long as we are together.”

It felt like the beginning of an electric storm crawling across the earth and skin. Amri felt the warming of kindling and a thin string of smoke. He felt footsteps, the earth shaking. Distant voices as Tavra finished:

“I know this and I wait for you, though it may be in the darkness. For in the shadows, we will light the fires of resistance.”

Heck of a speech, Tavra.

I notice that characteristically she doesn’t raise her voice or pepper around exclamation points. Just gives a simple, measured message of hope.

Anyway, its good that she finished up because the fight they left at the Swimmer’s mountain home spills over into the Waystar grove, destroying one of the trees.

Nobody is happy here. The two Gelfling and one Mariner are all wounded from the fight. Amri is not pleased that skekSa followed Tae and Naia to where the Plan was happening. And skekSa’s not happy that they’re all still on the mountain doing things.

The Mariner asks if this is how the Gelfling repay her benevolence in letting them go but Tae shoots back that the Sifa have trusted skekSa for trine and asks whether it was all a lie.

skekSa composed herself, just a fraction, standing straighter and sniffing.

“Little Tae,” she said, though a snarl sharpened the edge of her beak. She grabbed another of the Waystar trees and cracked its limbs in her claws, careless with her impossible strength. Its glow died like an ember pulled from the fire. “I would have taken Ethri and the Sifa across the Silver Sea. Far away from the Emperor and the castle and all of these stupid politics. But Ethri decided not to go. It was you who defied me. Declared your true allegiance. I am not an ally of the Sifa. I am your master.”

Oof.

The underlying thing in all benevolent paternalism is the paternalism. And that can turn ugly when its defied or not given the respect the whoever feels entitled to.

The thing with a parent/child relationship is knowing when to let them go and be adults of their own and that just won’t happen without bad feelings when a “superior” long-lived species rules over a “less advanced” shorter-lived one.

And even if skekSa disdained Skeksis politics and felt drawn to the Sifa for their shared love of that sailing life, at the end of the day, the Skeksis are gonna be around forever while Gelflings lead lives comparable to mayflies. Its hard to stand up against the only people who will share eternity with you.

Its why I think skekGra is the only Good Skeksis that can last. He’s removed himself from a position over anybody else. Just he and himself for company.

Anyway, back to the skekSa.

“Now, as your lord, I will tell you the same thing the General and the Ritual Master are telling the Vapra below. At this very minute. The rebellion is dead and a lie, burnt to cold ash along with the All-Maudra. The Vapra, and the rest of the Gelfling, have only one fate: To bow to the Skeksis, and to gaze upon us with immortal fear. To cower in utter submission.”

Her voice fell low and sinister as her breath clouded around them like a fog.

“There will be no more fires,” she said. “And there will be no resistance.”

Amri replies, basically, with ‘nuh uh’ and points towards Ha’rar.

The torches dotting the city flash through a rainbow of flames, burning bright enough to light the city like daytime. And the flames dream-etch onto every wall of the Vapra citadel, just like at Cera-Na and the Wellspring when the literal flames of resistance were lit.

[Amri] stared in wonder at the etchings as they rippled across the broad surface of the citadel, unraveling for all to see. The depictions of the Omerya, the Sifa, Maudra Ethri. The shade-filled leaves of the Wellspring Tree, protecting the Dousan from the darkening storm.

And now the next verse of the song, which they had told that very night atop the frozen bluffs: Shining like a star, radiant with light, was the image of a Vapra soldier-princess, the crest of six trees emblazoned on her living crown.

WOW!

The recap flames just nominated Tavra to be All-Maudra. Geez, sucks to be Seladon.

It makes a narrative sense in this version, I’m afraid.

Since we’ve stuck with Naia’s party, Seladon is barely a character. We haven’t seen her insecurities first hand and her struggling with her mother’s expectations and her own desires and all that. We don’t directly see her lean into Skeksis loyalty.

Tavra HAS been very present and active in the narrative of the three books. (And people have been VERY vocal about her being a better candidate for All-Maudra. Like very vocal. Seladon would have cried if she had been around for those conversations).

So just taking into consideration the YA novels continuity, we don’t know Seladon. We know Tavra and want good things for her especially since so many bad things have happened.

And another thing... what will happen after all the clans unite has been left vague but if the Skeksis don’t relinquish power gracefully, it could be war (as it was in the show). Maybe a soldier-princess All-Maudra is more fitting for the times the Gelfling are heading into instead of the trained stateswoman raised to be essentially the middle manager between Gelfling and Skeksis.

Sorry Seladon.

[albatris]

ok ok alriiiight ok so the plot of ATDAO

this post is not, like........... well, it’s not gonna be a blurb or a summary or a nice neat synopsis, this is not Professional Writeblr Business, this is, this is, uhhhh

this is like drunk house party logan rambles

works best if you imagine ur just like “hey man how’s it going” super casual and I grasp you firmly by the shoulders and look you dead in the eye and just ramble all of this without taking a single breath

could I have explained in a nice neat concise "elevator pitch" sort of way? probably. mind ur business. that’s not how we do things here at albatris.org

anyway the purpose of this post is “hey people seem to know a lot about the characters and the worldbuilding and the premise but have no clue what happens in the actual story” so I’m not going to be talking about said characters and worldbuilding and premise in depth

in terms of rambles, that stuff’s been covered! this post assumes you know what Ports are, n what the nature of the ATDAO apocalypse is, vaguely what the MCs are like as people......... though I can fetch this info for you if you like

but yeah if you are coming into this post with zero prior ATDAO knowledge........... deeply deeply from the bottom of my heart: sorry

also if this is your first time experiencing One Of These Rambles

also @safe-in-the-steep-cliffs​ and @siarven​ I am tagging you because you said you would like to be tagged and also hi and also I hope y’all knew what you were in for

anyway without further ado

(visual representation of my approach to this rant, not of how complicated my plot actually is)

(my plot is not that complicated)

ALRIGHT

there are two viewpoint characters! and two plotlines which converge near the end of the story, but honestly there’s a very real possibility I will decide these are two separate books meant as companion stories to each other because I love making things difficult for myself yeehaw

ATDAO’s co-protags are Tris and Noa, best buds four years and counting. their friendship is one of the single most important aspects of the story, n the ongoing love and trust they have for each other despite the way unfolding events force their relationship to change is integral to the themes and making the heart of the story what it is. I will now proceed to not mention this friendship for the entire remainder of this post. they’re bros. that’s all u need to know. listen. listen. I have a lot to cover

so yeah, ur first key player is Tris Greer, whose parents are dicks but whose siblings are chill. most notably of said siblings there is Jacob, older brother by thirteen years, whom Tris believes is just about the coolest person on the entire planet. this plotline kicks off when Jacob gets caught in the midst of a freak car accident that kills a dude and wrecks a street corner and also somehow causes Jacob to just kind of................. blip out of existence entirely and without a trace?

n Tris is understandably horrified and distressed by Very Much All Of This, but hey, at least there are responsible adults who can look into this obviously Port-related weird disappearance and figure this mess out, right?

INCORRECT

the relevant interdimensional authorities are brought in to suss out the situation and these authorities are kind of like “hmmmm idk about this” but are all set to take Tris at least somewhat seriously until they learn the following:

that Jacob had already been reported missing to police in his home state three days earlier

that Jacob was in the midst of several ongoing personal crises and at least one nervous breakdown

that Jacob was allegedly tangled up in some real weird shit that would more than account for a disappearance under suspicious circumstances

that Tris is schizophrenic, prone to hallucinations, confusion, memory issues and quote unquote “letting his imagination and anxiety get the better of him”, and precisely zero people can actually corroborate his story that Jacob was even there are the time of the accident to begin with

and after some back-and-forth and Looking Into The Evidence pretty much everyone in any position of authority comes to the conclusion that this is just Ordinary Regular People Crimes and whatever happened to Jacob had nothing to do with weird apocalyptic energies, and that Tris is (at best) stressed out and delusional or (at worst) lying through his teeth because he knows more than he’s letting on

so Tris is forced to hop pretty quick from “I’m sure someone will handle this” to “no one believes me but I’m sure if I can find some concrete proof they’ll listen and someone will handle it” to Well Fuck I Guess That Someone Is Me

cue bizarre reality-hopping fantasy quest, which is ten times easier said than done when most of the time Tris is terrified enough just, like, going to the supermarket

he enlists the help of his new classmate Shara, amateur paranormal investigator and professional weird-bullshit enthusiast, who agrees to help him puzzle out what the fuck happened to Jacob in exchange for his assistance in mapping out Adelaide’s interdimensional “fault lines” as part of her ongoing quest to track down the source of the apocalypse

she’s got big fuckin dreams, ok, go hard or go home

slso worth noting at this point that there HAS been an uptick in Ports and their related reality-bending strangeness in Adelaide recently which is why this is of particular interest to her currently. gotta find out What Makes The Weirdness Tick, gotta find out Why The Sudden Extra Weirdness

..........and also Kai is there

Kai has no nice neat reason to get involved with the plot, Kai just likes drama and being all up in people’s personal business. Tris brings them on board for one single afternoon like “hey I will pay you some money to come to my house and fix my fucked up phone so I can listen to an interdimensional voicemail” but forgot the apparently key addendum “and then leave”

their first three chapters of knowing each other is basically Tris being like “stop inviting yourself into my house we are not friends” and Kai being like “that’s a rude thing to say to your friend. also your sister gave me the netflix password and I used your kitchen to bake pastries feel free to help yourself”

but yeah so Tris’s story mostly focuses on his quest to figure out where Jacob got yeeted to and how to get him safely home (y’all probably know a bit about The Unreality already maybe?), whilst also dealing with rising family tensions, whatever shifty stuff Jacob was involved with prior to his disappearance, and his own creeping doubts about his perceptions of reality

n I’m also saying flat out it’s not a plot that’s going the “oh the whole thing was just a delusion all along” route because ew

his psychosis is a fairly involved part of his character but the explorations around it are more to do with, like......... the difficulties he has in trusting himself and whether he has the luxury of letting himself get swept into some Big Weird Implausible Adventure when this has extremely different implications for him than it would someone else. n eventually to how his success and survival is not ~in spite of~ but specifically because of the different way he understands and interprets the world and the skills he’s developed

THAT TANGENT WAS A PERSONAL RANT IT WAS NOT RELEVANT I just have words to say on the subject of how psychosis is treated in fiction and didn’t want people jumping to the “none of it is real” conclusion anyway ok moving on

ur SECOND key player is Noa Yun, who has rather a lot on her plate right now. she’s broke as fuck and her mum is sick and her car is making Noises and she’s not getting enough hours at her job at Not-IKEA and everyone is on her back about her failing studies as if that’s a thing she has the energy to care about. feeling rather backed into a corner by life’s bullshit and her financial situation, she blatantly lies her way into a field job at the Department of Interdimensional Instabilities, because A) surely it can’t be THAT bad, and B) what does she have to lose?

so more or less what she’s doing is the equivalent of emergency services for Port-related weirdness, it’s going out and dealing with highly unstable otherworldly energies head on, navigating Weird Phenomena and bendy patches in reality......... it is, among other things, a job that’s relatively easy to get into because no one wants to touch it with a ten foot pole unless they absolutely have to

n the DII is a whole other post, this shit has lots of different functions and levels and branches and corruption and secrets and a tendency to view workers who have to go out and deal with the brunt of the apocalypse head-on as vaguely expendable and I’ve talked about it a bit before and in more Serious Words

things kinda kick off for her when in true Noa fashion she hurls herself into a dangerous situation to help out a coworker, n enters a pretty standard issue “overlap” where the barriers between universes are a little fucky, but hey, she seems to come out of it with nary a scratch, so it’s reasonable to assume everything is fine, right?

INCORRECT AGAIN

she basically gets some whacked-out otherworldly energies latched onto her that are now following her through her everyday life, and it turns out she’s starting to bend the reality around her the way certain types of Ports do, which is! obviously not ideal! she’s not exactly a Port herself, because she’s pretty sure that’s impossible, but it’s clear capital s Something happened to her in that overlap, and she doubts it’s good news. and to make matters even more disconcerting, she’s now being dogged at every step by strange visions of a child who speaks in an unfamiliar language and who seems Real Fuckin Pissed at her

so her thing is basically “I acquired fucked up reality-bending powers against my will and they might be lowkey killing me ‘cause Ports are notoriously unstable like that and also I’m haunted for some godforsaken reason” which all somehow ended up being, like, the least interesting part of her plotline for me lmao

oh and Noa also enlists the help of Shara, Because Ghosts

anyway yeah so her search to find out what’s happening to her re: Weird Children, being a Port-adjacent something-or-other, and whether there’s a way to stop her own unravelling leads her to (rogue computer programmer? mad scientist? general shifty bastard?) Laurence Marrick Thiele, who claims to have suffered a similar affliction in the past and now does some real interesting research on the subject. n this guy. well. he’s got some fuckin stuff going on

he definitely knows more about the nature of Ports than he should. also is he actually researching what he says he’s researching? also what’s with all the weird tech? also did he just straight up murder that guy Avery? all will be revealed later, maybe, if I feel like it

but yeah at about the same time as Noa goes “actually fuck this you’re shady as hell I’m out” she stumbles into, like, The Actual Reality of what Marrick is up to re: manipulating Ports and interdimensional doorways for his own gain, and the various ways this spells bad news not only for her but potentially for the entire city and anyone unfortunate enough to get caught in the crossfire, and she shifts gear to “actually you know what I’m gonna kick your ass”

there are various reasons for this, but first and foremosterly you have to understand that Noa’s got a fuckload of pent-up rage and she will bring it in full force the moment you say some stupid shit like “some people are expendable” or “it’s inevitable for the greater good”

(there’s also a fun ongoing subplot with her work at the DII where she and her team are investigating a string of strange illnesses with bizarre symptoms that appear to be spreading via obscure radio stations so that’s. happening. I guess?)

but yeah the main story here mostly follows Noa’s attempts to undermine Marrick, bastard supreme, and find a way to fuck him up before he goes, like, Full Cartoon Supervillain, n also like........... her attempts to keep up her work at the DII despite her rising paranoia that the teammates she’s growing to care about will notice her increasingly unstable state and the fact that she’s all tangled up with the very forces they’re meant to be thwarting. n along the way discovering the reality of what happened to her in The Aforementioned Overlap Incident and about her visions and such

so that’s all that. did that make sense

n she’s got a whole arc going on about trust and learning to lean on others, like, she comes into this story as a very standoffish person with lots of paranoia, she’s spent much of her life feeling like she can only rely on herself, n she’s. well. yeah, like I said, she’s got a lot of anger at the world and at the various systems that have failed her and her loved ones, n the story puts her in a position to become even more isolated

and her plotline isn’t so much “you have no reason to be angry or afraid” or her learning to Not Be, It’s more, like........... yeah you have every fucking right to be furious and of course you’re afraid! but there are people around you who love you and who will jump at the chance to defend you and who will help you carry the weight of your anger and grief and none of this needs to be yours to bear alone which is extremely cheesy

which applies to both her Weird Supernatural Goings-On as well as her regular ordinary life goings-on

I feel like Alice and Jet deserve a mention for Noa’s plotline but also this went on and on too long already so. well. Alice and Jet exist! yep. they work with Noa at the DII. I have things to say about them. I will not be saying them today

and uhhhhhh

in general, for Tris, his plotline, you wanna think, like, fantasy/adventure vibes which veer pretty sharply into horror, and for Noa you wanna think...... kinda, sci-fi mystery conspiracy vibes with a dash of some superhero bullshit maybe except not really

and that

pretty much is it I think

also the fact that Kai just invites themself into the plot for funsies and then is dragged kicking and screaming into caring about themself and making positive changes in their life means there was no convenient place in this post to be like

"oh there's also a whole major subplot about a time loop"

but there's also a whole major subplot about a time loop

goodnight! thanks for coming to....................... whatever this was! have a nice saturday everyone

[englandsgray]

Sherlolly Self-Interviews 2020

Well hi 👋

Ignoring the internal image of Gilderoy Lockheart smiling smugly while flashbulbs pop and saying ‘In my autobiography, Magical Me...’ 🙈😆 I shall take the opportunity of this lovely event to introduce myself as a writer of Sherlolly fanfiction on AO3...

I am English and somewhere over 30.  I watched the show as it aired, and lost my heart as quickly to Molly Hooper as to Sherlock Holmes.  The kiss is British television history.  Series 4 is my favourite.  Moriarty on the beach is life.  The Holmes brothers break my heart every time.

I am extremely lucky to have been provided some questions to answer here by @ohaine and @mybrainrots - huge, huge love and thanks to these two lovelies, and not just for this.  I admire you both so much as writers, and your support means the world to me ❤️ Thanks too, to @sherlollyappreciationweek!

Where did you begin to write, and have you written for other fandoms?  I wrote my first fanfic when I was eleven years old - a 100 page ramble about The Monkees.  Oh yes.  Then in 2018, I fell for the characters of the Disney Pixar film Cars and began writing and publishing.  So far so random!  Writing in this fandom sprang from binge-watching all four series of Sherlock during lockdown.  I remembered reading Louise Brealey talking about being disappointed Molly didn’t get chance to ‘roundly kick Sherlock’s arse’ and agreeing with her wholeheartedly.  That, over a few weeks, turned into my first fic - Who You Really Are.  

You’re a recent (and welcome!) arrival to the Sherlolly ship, and I was wondering if writing in an established, less active than it used to be fandom has been a challenge?   Thank you, firstly.  My experience of this fandom has been incredibly positive - the sense of welcome has been wonderful.  I will admit I was terrified posting the first fic - there are hundreds of times more stories posted daily in the Sherlock fandom as in the one I had some experience of.  But I needn’t have worried, it’s been a blast.  I will also admit, that it’s no small thing to be surrounded by such brilliant writing and the long-standing passion which goes with it.  But I find that inspiring in itself, and I’m very glad to be here - how supportive the fandom are makes me feel like I always have been!       

What’s your favourite place and way to write?  My aesthetic is Lin-Manuel Miranda in his in-law’s laundry room 🤣 I wrote my first ten-thousand words on the notes app on my phone before my other half told me to stop being ridiculous!  I switch between the laptop, my phone and longhand (I’m a sucker for a nice notepad and a Uni-Ball Eye) and, more often than not, not sat up properly at a table.   

Since you’ve (done something I’ve never managed successfully and) written a novella length fic... how did you organise/keep track of all the details and where you wanted the story to go?  Did you outline/plot in advance?  First of all - I would love to see a novella length fic from you @mybrainrots!  The final scene of Who You Really Are came to me very early on and I knew I wanted the fic to fit within TFP - a lot of it takes place in the timeframe of the final montage.  At first, it was going to be much more about Sherlock’s relationship with the ideas of sentiment and love (the phrase ‘I’m not sentimental about you, I love you,’ haunted me for a while) and I spent some time researching the psychology and playing with scenes from throughout the series - one of my favourites I didn’t go on to use was inspired by the final scene of THoB.  Using scenes from the canon gave an automatic structure, and I was always aiming for the final one I wrote early on - the two of them on the beach (everything is about the beach, with me!)  As I went along and started, inevitably, to slow down, I mapped out the chapters with a short note of what I wanted to be in each, then would add notes or phrases as they came to me - often emailed from my phone!  I had to force myself through a tricky section set in Baker Street at one point, but it came together in the end.  I did plot The Pathologist’s Skeletons on paper first, as I found with a casefic which remains a WIP, that I can get confused and lose focus when it comes to details and how to reveal them in a way which stays paced and interesting.  I’ll certainly do that from now on with longer stories and cases.  How did you keep up enthusiasm for the work?  I want to write an original novel, so I am forcing myself to work through the knotty bits and blocks as a learning experience.  Not everything is destined to be finished or finessed, of course, but I’m finding this process is building my confidence that I can overcome problems and slow periods.  I also find I know when I need some external inspiration - some of my favourite scenes have come to me while out walking the dog or sitting on the beach.  I’ve also been inspired by books or other series or things going on in the world, as we all are, and sometimes that’s pushed me on.  Plus, of course, I’m a newbie - I’m very much in the honeymoon period of my writing, even though I’ve loved Sherlock for ten years! (Ten years! Bonkers.) 

You’ve got a knack for writing Sherlock’s thoughts and capturing his voice.  That said, which character do you find easiest to write?  Which is the hardest?  Thank you so much.  I absolutely love writing Sherlock and Mycroft, and I’m sure that’s because they suit my somewhat over-the-top writing style!  I find Molly and her POV really difficult.  I want the scenes I write from her perspective to sound completely different to Sherlock, but that means writing in a style which doesn’t come as naturally to me.  I’m a long way off happy with that at the moment, but I’m enjoying the challenge.

Is there a scene or character that specifically inspired you to start writing Sherlolly?  The whole of TFP, but especially from the moment Sherlock arrives at Musgrave onwards.  I am desperate to see what a Sherlock Holmes who has been reacquainted with his own heart would look like.  I find his emotionality in those final scenes hugely compelling (Mycroft’s office is one of my favourite moments from across all four series) and, as I have always believed in him and Molly, I practically jumped up back in May after watching it and said ‘right, where’s my notebook?!’.

There’s a lovely peaceful, quiet feeling to your fic ‘We’re All Right At The Moment’.  Can you tell us what inspired it and if you’ve thought of doing the backstory that goes with it?  Thank you!  Like everyone, I would go back to January of this year and start again in a heartbeat, but I am hugely fortunate to be able to say that I have a lot to be grateful to the UK lockdowns for.  I might never have begun writing in this fandom otherwise, for one, and I have had a brilliant time so far and met some lovely people. Honestly, I don’t feel able to do any sort of justice in my writing to what has happened in the world in any broader sense than drawing on my own experiences of staying at home and enjoying my family.  This particular super-short fic sees Molly cutting Sherlock’s hair at home in Baker Street.  I wrote it in the evening after I had cut my other half’s hair and had been reminding myself that despite how horribly worried I was - and still am - about everything, we were all right in that moment, and to focus on that as much as possible.  I wanted to try to capture that, if for no reason other than to look back on this entire experience and remember something lovely, so I am so pleased to hear you felt the fic did that.  It was only after I finished it and reread it, that I realised it is ambiguous as to whether Molly is worried about Sherlock contracting the virus, or whether she is remembering him being treated for it... As I say, I don’t think I could write more about these extraordinary circumstances - perhaps it’s just too close at the moment - so I don’t plan on extending it.  But you know how it is, the plot bunnies hop where they will... 

Do you have a Sherlolly music playlist?  What are your top five favs from the list? Here’s a run down of (6 🙊) songs I have been getting emotional over in the last little while, leading my brain to assign their significance to my favourite couple...

Kissing You - Des’Ree - It’s so 90′s, it’s a bit cheesy, it’s oddly disturbing.  It helped me write A Request, Made Properly, and that gave me an excuse to have Sherlock kiss Molly in the snow.

How Long Will I Love You? - Ellie Goulding - part of the playlist, but also in remembrance of a friend who passed away recently.  Life is very short, love is forever.

High and Dry - Jamie Cullum - It’s made me emotional for a very long time.  The original is my partner’s version of choice, this is mine.  

Think About You - Delta Goodrem - Okay, this one isn’t emotional, and it’s not my usual vibe!  Blame the zoom exercise class I do!  But oh my goodness, it’s Molly.  Bless her.

Blinded By Your Grace (P.T.2. F.T. MNEK) - Stormzy - One of the best ever, I reckon.  Spent an awful lot of time thinking about angels and demons, grace and what it takes to save someone, while writing my latest - The Pathologist’s Skeletons.  This has been in my head most of the (blimmin’) time!

Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding - I didn’t know I was a fan of Ellie until I wrote this list... I don’t subscribe to the theory that the love Molly wants or that which Sherlock has to offer is any lesser because it isn’t ‘normal’ or expected. I don’t think romantic entanglement would come easy to either of them. But it’s still love and it would be beautiful.

Thank you so much for reading.  Thanks and love to @ohaine and @mybrainrots. And thank you @sherlollyappreciationweek for the event and for everything you do ❤️

Feel like I should sign off with a quote from the show...

“You’re not a puzzle-solver, you never have been. You’re a drama queen!” Dr John Watson (Moffat & Gatiss) 2014 😜

X

A fav fic of mine by @mybrainrots

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563193

A fav fic of mine by @ohaine

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10562904

My stuff:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglandsGray/works