#benefits of prolonged fast

[khulkarjiyo]

Lean biome Benefits - (Benefits of Leanbiome for weight lose)

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[mehmetyildizmelbourne-blog]

Remarkable Health Benefits of Long-Term Fasting from Personal Experience

Here’s why I fast for ten days at the end of each year. Life Lessons As the year draws to a close, I share this story while in a fasted state: my body is rich in β-Hydroxybutyrate (BHB) with ideal glucose levels. This condition gives me a serene and contented feeling, mental sharpness, and a beautiful lightness of being. As my family joyfully celebrates the New Year amidst bustling streets,…

[pyramid-of-starrs]

hongjoong getting at us mad because we hung out with a different kpop boy group nsfw ?😭idk it came to me because of how atinys make the joke of hongjoong hating how we stan other groups-

Only look at me

Jealous mean Dom Hongjoong x Afab reader

Summary: You get caught by Hongjoong coming back to your home from a late night concert and he has to remind you who's fan you're supposed to be.

Genre: Angst and Smut

Warnings: Acts of possessiveness, begging, kinda toxic but like not really lol

Smut warnings: Rough sex, use of sex toys, oral sex (M recieving), gagging, choking, friends with benefits, mentions of punishment, punishment sex, use of consentual force (Y/N have a preestablished agreement), Mean dom Hongjoong, slapping, cum eating, throat fucking, condom sex, Sir kink??, pain kink??, Humilitation??, Degrading??

A/N: Idk what it is about Hongjoong but like, every fic I write about him he's getting his dick sucked, idk he just deserves that.

Minors dni

You walked into your loft around 3 am, you dropped your clear tote bag, and took off your shoes, the living room was dark, you turned on the light and were startled to see your best friend Hongjoong sitting on your couch with his leg folded over the other and his arms crossed.

"Jesus fucking Christ Hongjoong you scared the hell out of me, why are you just sitting in my house in the damn dark?!" You yelled, still shaken up while holding your fast-beating chest.

"You're coming home late." was all he replied, you didn't ask why he was here again because Hongjoong often randomly appeared at your house every since he got the spare key in case of emergencies.

"Yeah, I was out with my friends."

"Doing what?" He tilted his head slightly. "I'm your friend, your best friend to be exact, why didn't I know about this friend outing?"

"Uh- well, ya know it was... um... preplanned." You scratched your head then tried to slyly slide your clear tote bag behind you.

"That's not your normal purse, why the sudden change?" He questioned.

"Oh um, the place we went to searches bags so I figured I'd save myself the hassle, haha." You awkwardly giggled as you felt yourself caving under pressure.

"You still haven't told me where this place is Y/N." The look in his eyes were like daggers.

"Fine... me and some friends went to the Stray Kids concert tonight." you cracked.

"Oh! How fun! but it's" He checks his Apple watch. "3:47 am Y/N, in all my years of doing concerts I've never known them to end that late." He said sarcastically.

"Well...um." You stuttered and he rolled his eyes.

"Spit it out Y/N"

"Chan saw us in the crowd and remembered me from when you introduced us and he invited us out for drinks and food-"

"Ooooh drinks AND food, well damn you have had a full night huh?" The sarcasm was very evident.

"Hongjoong don't be like that."

"Like what? I just thought you said that you didn't need to see any other group besides Ateez since we are the best. Yet here you are."

"My friend bought the tickets." you sigh.

"And what did you do while you were out for food and drinks until 3 am." His eyes narrowed.

You stood there in silence choosing not to answer and avoid all eye contact.

"Come here Y/N." he stood up.

You walked over to him slowly then stood in front of him.

"Get on your knees." You stood there now listening for a moment. "Now!" You chose not to prolong it since he was already clearly mad, you got down and kneeled on both your knees on the cold hardwood floor, luckily you had on knee highs so it wasn't too bad. Hongjoong got closer to you and stood above you as he looked down on you with his arms folded you looked at him with pleading eyes hoping he would take a little mercy on you. "Get to it Y/N." you knew you were royally fucked. Though you two were only "friends" you and Hongjoong had a few established understandings, one of them being that you couldn't enjoy any other group except Ateez or he could punish you in any way he saw fit. At first, it was things like pinches or forehead flicks but then the punishments started to become things like standing in front of him with your clothes off or letting him edge you for hours on end. You weren't complaining, sometimes you would purposely get caught with another group's albums or merch so that he could punish you.

You started to undo his pants and zipper while trying to maintain eye contact, you pulled his hands down then his briefs to reveal his half-hardened dick.

"I'm sorry Jongie." you said still trying to get out of the punishment, he grabbed the base of his dick and the back of your head and shoved his cock down your throat causing you to gasp audibly, he held his dick there as it pulsed in your mouth.

"I don't want to fucking hear it." He had no remorse for you as he started to fuck your throat, you could feel his dick getting harder and harder as it became harder to breathe from your mouth the deeper he would go. "You shouldn't have done it if you were going to be sorry, now you have to pay the price." He lectured you as you continued to gag on his length while his hips never stopped, his thighs hit your chin, that's just how deep he was going.

"I won't do it again." was muffled from your very occupied mouth and it just irritated him more, he sped up the pace he was going, your throat was already sore from the screaming but him fucking it made it worse, the sting from your punishment was exhilarating.

He kept his grip on your hair with one hand then moved his other hand to your nose as he clamped it closed, cutting off your only airway left to use. "You promise you won't do it again?" he asked. You gagged more as you started to choke from your lack of air, he didn't care, he kept moving his hips to fuck his dick in and out of your throbbing throat. You nodded to his question and he released your nose, you thought you were in the clear until he cocked his hand back a bit and delivered a smack on your cheek, you whimpered around his cock and he returned his fingers to your nose to pinch it closed again. "I can't hear you." he said in a mocking tone. You muffled out a yes that was barely understandable as mascara tears started to run down your face, he released your nose once again and you started to take large breaths through it, he once again smacked your sensitive cheek, the sting was amazing.

"I said do you fucking promise?" He said as he pulled his dick from your mouth and looked down at you with a slightly scary face while he angled your head up to make sure you two made eye contact.

"Yes, I promise." You cried out, and he smiled.

"Good job, stick your tongue out." You opened your mouth wide then stuck your tongue out, he placed the tip of his dick on your tongue and stroked himself a few times before the hot ropes of his cum started to cover your tongue. "Now swallow all of it." You closed your mouth and swallowed every drop of his cum, even licking your lip gloss-covered lips to get the remaining off, you showed him your tongue to get his stamp of approval. "Strip and go to the bedroom, but crawl since you like to bark for other men like a horny little bitch in heat."

"Yes sir." You nodded then reached for your shirt to pull it off while he watched you slowly get naked to tease him, you stood there naked before getting on your hands and knees and crawling down the hall to your bedroom, Hongjoong watched you as he followed behind you, his eyes watching you made you wetter. Your slick spread all over your core and thighs, watching was making Hongjoong eager to drill you, once you reached the bed you sat on your knees waiting on his next command.

"On the bed dog."  he commanded, you got on top of the bed, sitting on your knees once again. "Lay on your back with your knees up." you laid back and bent your knees, Hongjoong removed the remainder of his clothes but walked over to the nightstand to get something out of the top drawer, before you could look over to see what he had he climbed on top on you and positioned himself between your legs, he ripped open a condom and you whined. "Shut up, cheater sluts like you don't get to get fucked raw." He didn't waste time and lined his tip up with your sex and put it in. You moaned as he pushed deeper into you, he held the back of your legs and you could feel him holding something hard as he kept a consistent pace inside of you.

"It feels so good Joongie." you moaned.

"Wanna feel even better baby?" He asked with a devious smirk on his face, though you didn't trust him you still nodded your head and closed your eyes to enjoy the feeling, you suddenly heard a loud buzzing sound and as soon as your eyes fluttered back open you saw Hongjoong was placing your vibrating egg right on your clit. By reflex your legs tried to snap closed and you yelped Hongjoong smiled watching you squirm about.

"Fuck, fuck, what, it's too much-" you yelled, he started to go faster while drawing circles on your clit with the egg and biting his bottom lip.

"Aw is that how you were screaming at your little concert?" Curse words and incoherent pleas fell from your lips as he pushed the egg further onto your clit, your head was all the way into the pillow. "What? You can't talk now huh? Spending all that time talking and laughing with them that you're too tired to talk?" He thrust harshly, the tip of his dick hitting your spot hard repeatedly, your fingers began to curl, and you could hear him laughing at you.

"Fuck Joong, Fuck." Was all you could say before your body started to shake, your eyes rolled back as you gripped the sheets hard, your pussy tightened around Hongjoong as liquid erupted out of you, Hongjoong smiled as he looked over the mess he made of you but he needed to push you more, punish you even further. Before you could catch your breath or get cleaned up Hongjoong turned the egg up to full speed and pushed it back onto your clit, you loudly moaned at the sudden fast pace vibrations on your already sensitive nub.

"Please- please, please, please, no more, no more." you pleaded you could hardly catch your breath, especially with his dick still inside you. He started to roll his hips into you until he was full-on fucking you again, you were fucked out and overstimulated as your clit began to ring, you placed one hand on his stomach and he shot daggers at you once again.

"Take your fucking hand away Y/N." He said in a stern and deep voice, you lowered your hand and sat there and took it, the sensation of his dick and the egg was overwhelming but felt amazing. "If you want me to stop, beg for my forgiveness."

"Pleeeease nghhh~ Please I'm so-rry, please, sorry fuck-" You fumbled out, he pressed harder and fucked you deeper by leaning closer, you gripped his back and pulled him closer while your nails dug into him.

"Louder." His thrusting began to get more aggressive as he pounded into you deeply while holding the egg sloppily.

"Please, please, I'm sorry, please forgive me Hongjoong, I'll only look at you forever, fuck everyone else!" You yelled into his ear, and you once again squirted on him and the bed, your tight abused pussy squeezing Hongjoongs dick and this time earning his cum that filled the condom, he cursed as he pulled out and turned the toy off. He rolled and took a seat on the side of the bed to return everything to your night stand then got up to walk to the bathroom to throw the condom away.

You were stuck in your position for a second, as your body came down from your high you slowly started to sit up in the bed. "It's not fair! You know I like it when you fill me up." You could hear the bath faucet turning on before he walked back in.

"Then stop being bad, that's the only time you will get rewards." he leaned over to give you a peck on the cheek before helping you out of bed so he could walk you to the bathroom so you two could take a bath together, he always acts so sweet after being a demon. You went in first to pee then swung the door open when you were done.

"I wasn't being bad, I was going to a free concert... then getting free food and drinks after." You mumbled the last part to not rub salt in his wound.

"Well it wasn't free since you had to pay the price with me." you rolled your eyes, he got in first then you got in after him, the hot water soothed your tense body and burned the new scratches on Hongjoong's back.

"Jeez talking like that like I belong to you Joong."

"You do, you belong to me and only me, so only cheer and look at me... and I guess all of Ateez... but I better be your bias!"

You chuckled at him. "Yes sir"

[justblades]

⌕ BUSINESS PARTNERS WITH BENEFITS, 18+

⟢ CHARACTER : sampo koski x afab! reader WC : 1.3k

⟢ WARNINGS : MDNI. public teasing, oral (male receiving), throat f, finger f.

everyone gets to witness sampo's absurdity. from his ludicrous backhanded methods whether to be of aid or to fool— that's how they perceive sampo koski. little do they know, among the many 'partnerships' he formed to which he singlehandedly decides, he actually has a business partner, a mutual connection. almost anyone who comes across him etch on their minds he's either to be trusted or disregarded. the two sides tiptoeing upon the boundaries every single time.

it's not just that. he oftentimes gets sidetracked whenever the dyad is commencing a dangerous operation. be it gathering intel from the enemies hideout, he'd still have the time to gawk over your body like he was to descend into insanity if he wasn't given a chance to douse the flames of his lustful tendencies.

and that's how you ended up in this bizarre situation. sampo laps your sprawled out mounds, gloved hands fiddling with your hardened nipples. you bite your lip in an attempt to stifle the moans threatening to slip out, as comical sampo appears from his choice of words and personality— he still manages to pleasure you in all kinds of ways, all for the sake of quenching his thirst for intimacies.

your breath hitches, and as bad as it can get, a soldier whips his head to the source of the weak noises, following his intuition. you knew full well being in cramped up spaces with sampo can be a handful to manage, among the many times you reminded him to focus on your jobs, he shrugs it off and proudly proclaims he'll still get it done in spite of you doing it in the middle of an operation.

and he always does. sampo may be deceving at times but his words never fall on his back. sampo's lush green eyes fixate on your expressions, finding enjoyment at how your eyes squint from the jolts of pleasure he sends into your system. he inches forward your face, tip of your noses just a hair's breadth away. "i can't get enough of this."

your eyebrows furrow in exchange, "i thought it'd be just this?" you ask, irritation seethes through your teeth. "when have we ever been caught whenever we do it? come on, we've been partners for years already. is sampo koski really that much of a doubtful figure?" his usual cocky, teasing tone laces his words, beaming you a sheepish smile right after.

in a sense, he's right. and that's exactly how you fall prey on his words. lastly, it's not bad, it is always a great past time when the intel hasn't been leaked yet to the other side. that was exactly it - you two have been business partners with benefits since long ago, making it a hobby to do the deed regardless of time and place, all for the sake of fun, cooperation, and lastly, money.

you slowly rid yourself of clothes, being careful not to draw much attention. meanwhile the bi-haired male basks in his momentary victory, reveling in the moment he won over your rationality.

sampo glides his gloved hand to your inner thighs, a sinister smirk plastered on his lips— with no hesitation lingering in his mind, he rubs viscules on your slit with his thumb finger swiftly, finding your region at such a fast rate, taking into account that he can't see nothing but pitch black darkness and the way you look underneath him.

he has your body memorized as if it was the back of his hand, one of the many things he's skilled at, although it's uncertain whether he should be proud of that. the corners of his lips tug further upwards as soon as he feels the liquids come in contact with his skin, dampening his onyx gloves.

with a rapid thrust, he pumps his digits in and out of your hole. you melt into pleasures, mind starting to be clouded with nothing but sampo's shit eating grins. perhaps you were more sensitive to his touches today since the teasing was too prolonged, and of course, it was intentional, all planned out by the master in control.

his bashful smile never ceases, a rapid rush of determination gushes through his veins. "if only you weren't appealing and so good at this, i would've gone for your neck a long time ago." fortunately, your words were muddled with the soldiers' fancy stories that they were unable to hear your threats.

sampo, as if it was engraved in his soul, replies with the same attitude as usual. "why thank you for the compliment." you scoff, but the huff of breath you heaved immediately got followed by a soft mewl, the navy haired curls his fingers inside your walls as he could feel you squeezing him tight.

"ahh, i wish i were inside you right now." he muses and proceeds to rest his head on the soft beds of your chest. a crease forms between your brows for the nth time, not until he had something up his sleeve once again. it only made sense when a surprising warm feeling slicks on your skin, in stark contrast to the chilling temperature deep inside this spacious building.

a realization dawns on your perturbed mind, maybe it would be easier if you part your lips open and let the breathing noises erupt, rather than trying to hold them back which could lead to your cover being blown. and finally, "dismissed." the soldiers say and leave the room in unison, and you could feel the heavy weight on your chest instantly dissipate into the air.

the two of you scoot out of the small cabinet and immediately locked the metal doors. "i've been in the receiving end for way too long." your eyes spark with hopes of revenge for sampo teasing you like that to which he promptly notices. "no, i—" you push him on the tabletop and hold him down with a hand on his sculpted pecs. as your other free hand travel down to his bulge, you were caught in surprise once you felt a particular spot wet.

you've known him for too long, the same goes for his clothing. if it got this damp despite the thick pants he's wearing, it is no doubt: he came from teasing you alone. you click your tongue in annoyance but proceed to kneel in front of him anyway, still set out on making him whimper and plead for mercy.

if anything, it's better he already came, this way, you could make use of his heightened sensitivity to your advantage. his cock grows hard again and you coil your hands around its body. it throbs from the slightest, feather touches - and you did not dawdle any further. enveloping the margins of your lips from the head of his dick, you try your best to provide more space.

skillfully brushing your sultry tongue from his cock's small folds, sampo throws his head back in pleasure. "h-hey, i'm still sensitive, i just came—" you gobble all his length, proceeding to bob your head up and down, building momentum while finding the right timing to quicken the pace as well.

he whimpers as he feels the crown of his dick hit the farthest back of your throat, "e-eno—" you fiddle with his ballsacks as well, gripping on them tightly, playing around to see what kind of play sampo would like today. with no forewarnings, strings of milky white liquids sprawl into your mouth, a hint of sourness and sweetness breaks through your tastebuds.

as a perfect business partner you were, you gulp all of it down, your mouth perfectly clean of any evidences from sampo's satisfaction. you watch on sampo's lifeless body, appearing like the soul was sucked out of him. fatigue gnaws at his bones meanwhile you chortle - one that was of a mocking tone. "a well deserved defeat."

my masterlist !

[ddarker-dreams]

Nexus.

Yandere Blade x F Reader.

Warnings: Nothing major yet, some minor Honkai: Star Rail spoilers. Word count: 4.6k.

Nexus index.

On the planet Eris, in the city of Perianth II, night reigns, for there is no star close enough to challenge its rule. 

Deep within the bowels of the metropolis lit only by manmade contraptions, sits a bar known as LOTUS-EATER, carved into the cragged terrain as if it’d always been there. It had not, in fact, contrary to local legend. Had the IPC not run into issues with overcrowded prisons, this planet they now consider a scourge would never have had the means to limp on. 

Easy solutions cultivate the conditions for worse problems to develop later on. 

This is what your mother — a shrewd woman to her core — instilled in you. 

Grimacing, you reread the words on your screen for the umpteenth time. 

… You wish she had instilled some business management skills instead. 

“Miss Exalted-One-Ma’am, when are you coming back inside? This client is refusing to leave until he can speak with you. Lear is running interference, but that’s going as well as you can imagine,” a feminine voice calls out. 

You glance up fast enough to assess her expression. Despite the severity of her words, she’s smiling, amber eyes crinkling by the corners. Her chestnut-colored hair is worn in a braid that extends down the length of her back, meaning she hasn’t clocked out yet, or else it’d be loose. You have some wiggle room, then.

“Nona,” you beckon her over, “What do you think this means?” 

Inquisitive creature she is, she doesn’t waste this opportunity to poke around in your private matters. Her eyes flitter back and forth as she takes in the contents of your phone. Interlocking her hands behind her back, she hums. 

“Looks like we’re due for a visit.” 

“That’s what you gathered too?” You murmur. “What a mess this is turning into. The last thing we need is for the hounds to start sniffing around.” 

“I dunno what you’re frazzled about, exalted one. The locals wouldn’t cough up info to the IPC even if their life depended on it.” 

“Therein lies your answer — the locals won’t, but our clientele is vast as the universe is infinite. Someone looking to score quickly could put in a tip. The hounds are just itching for an excuse to put an embargo on Eris again.” 

She shrugs. “Outsiders bribed and snuck their way in last time, they would now too. Benefits of a quality product.” 

You shake your head and pinch the bridge of your nose. Nona means well, but if she thinks in such simple terms, her training period won’t ever end. Or perhaps you’re being a tad too harsh on the girl, you haven’t slept since receiving this text message two cycles ago. If it weren’t for how scarce this technology is, you would’ve smashed it to pieces for causing you such prolonged strife. 

Alas, as a native of Eris, there are two things you intrinsically cherish above all else — any object that emits light and the special nectary cradled within the planet. 

“I’ll take your input into—” 

A shrill shriek cuts you off before you can finish your sentence. 

“The hysterical client, I reckon,” Nona dryly remarks. “Now, can you please come in before Lear gets stabbed? If it isn’t already too late.” 

You don’t bother dignifying her macabre speculation with a reply. You enter through a back door accessible only to LOTUS-EATER staff, weaving around boxes of cargo that need to be sorted. A heady, aromantic scent clings to the wood, yet its temptation is long lost on you. Where the clients indulge, you abstain. The livelihood of yourself and your workers relies heavily on your psyche’s clarity. 

Emerging from the back rooms has you standing on the building’s second floor, an area known as The Lounge. Here, the spherical, gravity-defying emitters of lights standard in this region are set dimly. This latest model even allows you to adjust the dimensions, ranging from small enough to fit in the palm of your hand to the size of a room. There was supposed to be one more on this floor, but while unpacking the order, it slipped from Lear’s hands and met an early demise. Great cooperation was needed to locate the glass that floated to the ceiling. 

You check the status of occupancies. Two private rooms are in session, the other eight are empty. By your design, it had been a slow night. You gave orders to the receptionist, Thalia, to only book appointments for influential customers, just in case the omen floating over your head comes true. You walk down the hallway which leads to the first floor, only to notice cool colors set in a square array by the digital lock. 

The sight doesn’t sit right with you. You consider taking a detour to investigate, only for the commotion downstairs to encourage otherwise. 

“Sir, if you’d please calm down—”

Lear’s gentle voice is cut off by another. 

“I demand to speak with her,” it heaves. “The mind witch. Where is she?” 

The electronic curtains that lift for those put into the LOTUS-EATER’s database part in a magnificent flurry of scarlet hues. You feel each set of eyes that glance your way. It’s a typical ensemble present — affluent travelers, political emissaries, and well-to-do merchants. Some drink at the bar, others watch the live entertainment playing soft music. Everyone aside from the heaving interloper is dressed in the formalwear expected of the establishment. 

The click of your heels against the dark wood floor reverberates throughout. The man’s reaction to your appearance is delayed, though he eventually turns his head to see where Lear is looking. Resentment contorts his face upon spotting you. You recognize him. Jay R. Alister, a client who gave Thalia a difficult time due to his demands to have a Synalink booking today. You thought you smoothed over the matter by granting him access to the first floor, The Club, and placing him on a priority list for next time. 

Copious amounts of alcohol must’ve unraveled your hard work. 

“Shall we take a moment to collect ourselves, sir?”

“No one— no one understands,” he insists, swaying ever so slightly. It’s a peculiar sight. One message from a handful of the individuals present would be enough to spell doom for Alister, this charade likely already has him blacklisted across multiple star systems. To be a client at LOTUS-EATER is a privilege. Everyone adheres to the unspoken rule of the honor system, eliminating the need for security inside. 

“I’d like to, Mr. Alister, if you wouldn’t mind explaining to me outside.” 

He’s drunk, but a low-level link can be established, you surmise. It isn’t an option without risks. As a recurring client, he could catch onto the invasive feeling and grow further agitated. The eyes fixated on you grow heavier. Some are curious, others bemused, and a few pass silent judgment, comparing your capabilities with the previous Exalted Arbiter. 

He blinks slowly. “My Roze… she’s upstairs. She’s waiting for me. I can’t— can’t be late…” 

“You won’t be,” your voice takes on a concerned lilt, “Let’s go meet her elsewhere. Follow me and I’ll take you to her.” 

A white ring forms around his pupils. 

“You… will?” 

“I will. Come, now, we wouldn’t want to waste any more of her time, would we?” 

The ring goes from opaque to solid. 

The low-level link has been made manifest. You feel the thread connecting you to the essence that makes Jay R. Alister himself. 

You stride past him and he immediately scrambles to follow. Out of the corner of your eye, you note how Lear’s shoulders relax and give him a reassuring nod. He did a good job stalling until you could personally see to this matter yourself. If this had occurred any other time, it would’ve been your top priority, but a far more sensitive issue threatened to ensnare you in a worrisome web. 

One after another, the pairs of eyes fall, like a flying pest in its final moments. Conversation resumes and the music increases in volume. 

Cool air embraces you once you’re outside. This particular region is well-lit, a testimony to its prestige. Restaurants, boutiques, and other fine shops have been built with walls of dark stone naturally found on Eris for better insulation. The once rugged streets are smooth, painstakingly cobbled together by a city planner many Amber Eras ago. Any crack has molten gold poured into it so that when it dries, the ground beneath your feet is a never-ending sea of ebony and gold. 

You wave over the closest security guards. The rest can be left to them, Mr. Alister has damaged his reputation enough for you to consider his dues paid. You’ll tell Thalia to take him off the registered client list for LOTUS-EATER and that’ll be the end of it. You’re preparing to head back inside when a pervasive, overpowering influence freezes you in place. It’s reminiscent of an electric current.  

The taut link between you falters. 

Straining…

(He’s reaching into his pocket). 

Fraying…

(His hands wield a sharpened implement).  

Until it snaps. 

The subjugated lunges at the subjugator. 

You try to re-establish the link, but there’s a fortress around his mind that wasn’t there moments prior. Imposing and unbreachable. Where did this surge of mental fortitude come from? You need to think, you need to act. There must be a way for you to regain control, your technique is unshaken even in the face of imminent demise. In the three seconds it takes for him to close the distance, you make seventy-four attempts, each ending in failure. 

Has the last grain of sand fallen to the bottom of the hourglass, cementing this choice to believe in your abilities as the wrong one? 

This can’t be the end. Who will take care of—

Metal clashes against metal. 

The being in front of you is a shade. Tendrils of agony untold slither up from his thigh and squeeze around his neck, constantly choking him, yet refusing the sweet reprieve a crushed windpipe would give. This is a person acquainted with every suffering a living creature could ever endure. The prismatic shards that detail his countless tragedies aren’t just broken, they’re eviscerated, an indecipherable mess. Some scattered to the wind and others forcibly scratched out. 

This nightmarish presence eclipses your would-be killer. 

His eyes meet yours and the hairs on the back of your neck stand. 

“Don’t bother,” is all he says. 

He could sense you trying to poke around in his head? Has he come into contact with Arbiters before? That can’t be possible, you’re familiar with everyone on the LOTUS-EATER registry. You cease your ministrations without verbally acknowledging him. His hollow expression burns into your retinas, invading your mind’s eye. The sword he saved your life with holds a similar weight. It radiates such intensity that you needn’t use any techniques to get a better read on it. 

Walking up the steps in a casual manner is the last person you wanted to see — Kafka of the Stellaron Hunters. She spares the now subdued Alister a glance then turns to face you. 

“Fortunately, I had the foresight to send Bladie ahead,” she smiles. You resist the urge to scoff. “Otherwise, our meeting would’ve been far less pleasant.” 

So that man’s with her, you think. That’d explain why I couldn’t make any progress. 

If the defenses surrounding Alister were comparable to a fortress, the minds of the Stellaron Hunters are like a deflective shield. Any extensive attempts at trying to gain access end up backfiring and causing you damage so long as they remain up. The only other being capable of a similar feat was your mother. Now, in the few years since her death, you’ve encountered three more with similar capabilities. 

Are your abilities growing dull? Or are other species simply evolving? 

You order the guards to deal with Alister as they see fit, he’s no longer your primary concern. 

There’s a far worse headache forming on the horizon. 

“... I suppose you’ll follow me inside whether I invite you or not?” You question, just barely managing to maintain the smile painted hastily on your face. 

Kafka doesn’t reciprocate your hostility. She never does. Instead, she motions in the direction you were planning on taking them to avoid any unwanted attention. The guards won’t be an issue, since they’re on your payroll. You don’t want to risk lingering and being spotted by someone without an allegiance to you.

“I won’t overstay my welcome, Exalted Arbiter. You have my word.” 

By essentially showing up uninvited at your front door, she’s placed you in quite a precarious situation. The man who parried Alister’s attack hasn’t dropped his vigilance for an instant. His posture is that of an animal poised to pounce. You lack the means to fight them off should they choose to utilize force. 

Your gut instinct tells you it’s a bad idea to get involved any further. Your mind reasons you can only play the cards you’re dealt. 

A sigh passes by your lips. “Very well. Let’s get on with it then.” 

The duo follows wordlessly behind you. Kafka remains close, whereas the swordsman lingers further back, taking care to avoid well-lit areas and remaining hidden. Had you not already been alerted to his presence, he could’ve easily slipped past your detection.  

The Stellaron Hunters are a formidable group indeed. 

During the short journey, you recall the text message that pushed you into this vat of strife. 

It was accompanied by an animated emoticon of the magenta-haired fugitive blowing a kiss. 

You’ll be in need of me shortly. See you then xoxo 

“Absolutely not!” 

An exclamation of unrivaled proportion leaves you, accompanied by your palms slamming against your desk. Old-fashioned writing stationary clatters noisily in the aftermath. She stops the doomed descent of one pen and then looks back to you, unperturbed. 

This woman is a shadow that follows her target persistently, devising fresh torments and sowing discord wherever she steps. To fight her is to do battle with a phantom, no attacks will land. The hopeless charade serves to tire you out. Still, your pride is wounded and without a balm to assuage the tender gash. It can’t scab over to heal. Again and again, it’s reopened, fresh blood washing over what had just dried. 

“I haven’t finished my proposition,” she hums. She sits in front of your desk, legs crossed, her eyes shining an eerie shade. “I wouldn’t dare to ask so much of your resources if you didn’t stand to benefit as well. Our current arrangement has helped you cut down on costs, yes?” 

You drum your fingers over the wood’s lacquer finish. “The word ‘arrangement’ implies cooperation, I believe extortion would be a better fit.” 

“I’ll stand by my original phrasing. The IPC has abandoned all pretense of slowly creeping up rates on shipments to Eris; what they’re charging now will look generous in a few short Trailblazer Years. They want this planet dead and their past misdeeds to die alongside it.” 

“Our current projections estimate we have at least two medium-length Amber Eras before we get to that point, by then, we’ll have countermeasures in place,” you droll out. These details have been drilled into your head ever since you became the head of this quadrant. “What proof do you have that the IPC will make such a drastic move? The other factions will lodge complaints, many of them use our… exports.” 

You wince at the awkward phrasing of the word ‘exports’, knowing full well she’ll pick through any vulnerability like a vulture does a corpse. 

Kafka leans forward. “By ‘exports’, you must mean Eris’ most sought-after natural resource. The tonic of the nectary.” 

“I’m not allowed to discuss such sensitive material with outworlders.” 

“You needn’t say anything, just listen,” she pulls out a vial from inside her jacket. The familiar sheen of glimmering gold within causes your breath to hitch. “Here I have a sample of the latest synthetic developments into the tonic, courtesy of Silver Wolf. The IPC is discreetly channeling funds into the Genius Society to revitalize the research effort.” 

You bite back a laugh. “That knowledge is nothing new. They’ve been trying to replicate the tonic for ages; it’s a money pit. The last I heard, the closest they could get after investing billions of credits is a 14% match.” 

“Try 70%.” 

She sets the vial down and nods, encouraging you to take it. You don’t. 

“... You can’t be serious,” your voice sounds far away, as if it were coming from another room. “You’re bluffing.” 

“You don’t have to take my word for it. Have your alchemists examine it and come to your own conclusions.” 

As a disciple of Destiny’s Slave, she’s confident that this will suffice to convince you, and loathe as you are to admit it, she’s right. The repercussions of this allegation could be disastrous. It’d be irresponsible on your part to not at least run it by the appropriate channels. 

“What does this intel cost me?” 

“Nothing, consider it a token of good faith. There’s a more pressing matter I hoped to bring to your attention, now that that’s out of the way.” 

You raise an eyebrow. “More pressing than the future of my home?” 

“That’d depend on who you ask,” Kafka dances around your apprehension to a rhythm no one else has ever composed. “It has to do with my companion. I didn’t bring him here to take in the sights, he’s to stay on a job until further notice.” 

The mention of that enigmatic man brings with it a resurgence of the feelings you experienced earlier. It hit like a tidal wave, concentrated and suffocating. What would someone have to endure for their psyche to be saturated in such wretchedness? 

“Alright. I’ll arrange for accommodations somewhere more discreet.” 

“I think it’d be best if he stayed here, at the LOTUS-EATER.” 

…

…

…

“What?” 

Kafka has made many requests in the time she’s known you. Normally, she uses you as a point of contact to meet influential individuals or a warehouse of yours to store important items, but this is an entirely different beast. Those endeavors fester outside your purview. You give the push necessary and wash your hands clean of the implications. 

To host a Stellaron Hunter in your most lucrative establishment could very well be the start of the end. 

“After the events that unfolded earlier, you should see the potential advantages. You’re in a precarious situation. The IPC can’t place a bounty on you in an official capacity, but there are ways around bureaucracy. That attempt today won’t be the last.” 

She lowers her voice to an enticing whisper. “And we both know you’re not financially sound enough to hire competent help. Take him. He’ll be yours if you permit him.” 

How her melodious voice can invoke such a raw desire to argue is unknown, and yet, each fiery word fizzles out to ash on your tongue. In the same way you’d establish a link for the first time, you take the pieces of information at your disposal to test where the edges might align. The unusual fees on shipments, the supposed progress on the tonic, and the overall strain that’s been placed on every level of your business — the mosaic it forms is a crimson shade with a metallic scent. 

You can’t die. Not yet, not when it’d cause so many to perish alongside you. 

“This goes beyond ‘a token of good faith’,” you murmur. “Kafka… there’s far more to this, isn’t there? Just what are you planning?” 

For once, the curvature of her smile is genuine. Blatant insincerity would unsettle you less. 

“A gift for a friend.”

Upon LOTUS-EATER’s roof sits your favorite getaway, a secluded balcony. 

There’s nothing fancy about the decor, if anything, it’s worn rugged by the elements. Paint chips off the three chairs and stubborn foliage congregates no matter how often you banish it with your broom. After ensuring you can only be contacted in an emergency, you wipe the condensation off the chair furthest to the right and sit tall. 

Although you aren’t alone, you keep your eyes on the starry sky.

“I would like to apologize for the behavior I displayed earlier,” you take your time with the words, ensuring each syllable has a pleasant ring. “It must’ve been from the shock, although that’s no excuse. Please allow me to thank you properly.” 

An icy wind whistles through. Once it finishes, you fuss over your hair, putting each strand back in its designated place. You grimace when it picks back up again. 

“You can express your gratitude by speaking normally.” 

Your head snaps in his direction. You examine his side profile through narrow eyes, impatience writhing beneath your skin. He pays your poorly masked hostility no mind. One by one, each muscle in your body relaxes, a domino effect you can’t bother putting a stop to. You slump down into your chair and cross your arms over your chest. 

“Have it your way,” you sigh. Your capitulation earns you his piercing stare. “Pretty words or not, I meant what I said. So, um… thank you, and…” 

Despite yourself, you try meshing together a more subtle phrasing, only for those infinite pools of vermillion to act as a successful deterrent. 

“I don’t like being indebted to others, it’s a hassle. So, here is my offer. I’ll perform a Synalink on you, free of charge. Or a waitlist.” 

Blade exhales sharply through his nose. It takes a moment to register that your proposition amused him more than it intrigued him. The perceived affront on your capabilities causes you to bristle. This is a rare opportunity you’re granting him, surely he must’ve heard of your abilities somewhere! People spend years trying to get an audience with you. The other Arbiters you employ are capable enough, otherwise, they couldn’t work here; but you transcend their combined efforts. 

“There is only one thing I’d want to experience, it’s beyond your means.” 

Propping yourself up on the chair’s arm, you scoff. “Hah, try me. Any emotion, scenario, for whatever length of time; tell me what you want to experience and I can make it happen.” 

He doesn’t instantly rebuke you. You share a moment of silence — almost solemn, certainly more meaningful for him than it is for you. There’s a light tug of guilt that pulls at your conscience. Perhaps it isn’t him underestimating you, but not wanting to set himself up for disappointment again. If you’re going to be occupying the same space for an unknown amount of time, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get on adequate terms. This could be the door that’ll open that path. 

You clear your throat to dispense the accumulating tension. “That clothing… you must have ties to The Xianzhou Luofu, or some experience with them. Are you familiar with Immersia games?” 

“Vaguely. An acquaintance of mine plays them.” 

You’re confident you could put a name and face to this ‘acquaintance’. For the sake of cordiality, you keep your opinion to yourself.

“I’ve never been fond of the comparison to my work, but I suppose it’s a decent touchstone. An Immersia grants the player a simulated experience predetermined by developers. There is a degree of immersion, hence, well, the name, but that’s barely scratching the surface,” you explain. 

Reassessing his body language only reveals neutrality. You decide it’s better than blatant disinterest and continue. 

“Traditionally, there are thought to be five senses in advanced lifeforms. These senses don't create the continuity of reality we experience, they just break it down into bite-sized pieces for easy consumption. Forming a Synalink is akin to overclocking a computer, not placing a hard drive in a different system. Your brain finds the stimuli I send it indistinguishable from the touch of your hair against your face, or the woody scent of incense in that jar.” 

His eyebrows crease slightly downward. “A single glimpse into my mind was enough to send you recoiling, and still, this is an offer you’re comfortable making?”   

You purse your lips. It’s a fair point. 

“That was… different. Ideally, any link should be made in a stable environment to minimize disruptions. I had nearly been—” You cut yourself off, finding the sentence to be one you’d rather not finish. “—You know, so I wasn’t at optimal performance. That’s why we have private rooms in The Lounge.” 

Your nostrils flare when he keeps regarding you with that impassive expression. Is his face permanently frozen? Does he need to be unpaused? You almost want to snap your fingers in front of him.

“Hey, you’d be less effective if you had to improvise and fight with, say, a spoon. Would your combat ability be based on that one irregular instance or the total sum of all your fights? Hm? What you witnessed earlier was my irregular instance. If you’re open to the idea, I can make it work.” 

Blade shifts so that he can resume gazing at the sky. Before you can celebrate your victory in this one-sided battle of wits, he speaks up. His voice adheres to a softer creed. 

“You are…” he trails off, taking care to select the proper description, “Remarkably strange.” 

Your eye twitches. 

This has been a miserable cycle. You had to breathe the same air as Kafka, deal with a drunk client that later tried to stab you, and you found out the main export that keeps your planet’s economy from total collapse might be duplicable. All things considered, you should be giving this guy the cold shoulder for the problems he’ll inevitably cause in your future. Altruism gets you about as far as jumping into the air and hoping that’ll transport you through space. 

“Forget it, then,” you get up and twist around. The chair you formally occupied scrapes loudly against the ground. You don’t spare him a single glance while traversing the few steps that separate you from a long, well-deserved rest. Maybe you’ll be extra petty and lock the door so he has to remain here until you wake up. The olive branch has been extended, if he wants to take it and break it in two, that’s his prerogative. 

You raise your hand to unlock the door when abruptly, something captures your wrist. 

Your heart stutters. 

There isn’t the softness of flesh or the warmth that radiates off skin. Instead, you feel the textured surface of bandages graze against you in a featherlight touch. You know the vice-like grip he’s capable of. You saw it in how he clutched the grip of his sword, like it was the only thing he was good for. Gentleness cannot come naturally to someone of his disposition. It’s an intentional choice that requires swimming against the tide. 

Shakily, you exhale, hoping it’ll ease how your hands tremble. 

When was the last time someone touched you? Ah… it must’ve been then. 

You will the thought away. 

Blade doesn’t tether you down for more than a few seconds, just long enough to ensure your attention is back on him. Your skin tingles where he came into contact with you. It’s a prickly, blisteringly hot sensation that starts at your wrist and spreads all over. You squeeze your eyelids shut in a last-ditch effort to recompose yourself. 

He’s looking straight at you when your eyes reopen. 

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” he says. You find it strange how quick you are to believe him. “If you sincerely think yourself up to the task, then…” 

There it is again, that swelling of feeling, visceral to a degree every survival instinct screams at you to turn away. 

You find yourself leaning in closer. 

He rewards your burning curiosity with the unprecedented utterance: 

"Show me what it's like to die." 

[toptierteaser]

Fatass Control

He enjoys it. The view from the Control Room, his little kingdom. Surrounded on all sides by screens displaying the surveillance projections of the men in his charge…his personal ‘Guinea Pigs,’ he likes to call them. He smiles as he leans back in his chair, folding his strong, muscular arms behind his head, propping his big feet up on the desk as the eyes on his handsome face alter from one screen to the next. Just the thought of them…of the power he harbors over them, the knowledge of what he can do to them at any given time, on a simple whim makes him smirk with pleasure. And as he settles in for his shift, heart hammering with excitement and anticipation, he lets his eyes move from one screen to the other, from one overblown ass to the next as his fingers tease the control switches beside him, as he weighs his options of who to toy with first…

                Who should it be today? He looks at the top screen, displaying a fatty in his late college years, his distended belly and fat, swollen ass bursting out against his gray sweatshirt and sweatpants…the only things he is capable of squeezing his overblown body into since his rapid, recent weight gain. The controller’s eyes move to the next screen where a big ginger man cowers away in the bathroom, panting as he desperately attempts to close the button on his dress pants, ashamed and embarrassed as his voluptuous belly struggles against his waistband, his overindulgence at lunch catching him in the act of gluttony. He looks again, from the chubby businessman on the screen now to the man huffing along on the treadmill, his jiggling rolls warring against his exercise clothes as the fat on his enormous ass wobbles, his thunderous thighs rubbing as he attempts to do something resembling a run.

                “At least fat fuck number three is putting in a little effort today,” he snickers, watching the former jock’s pathetic version of athleticism. The same cannot be said for the others, though, as they do their usual, wiggling in their seats as they try to get comfortable, picking at the undies and shorts that ride up the ballooning asses that swallow them up. Struggling against buttons and seatbelts, or desperately whimpering as they try to put on their shoes. But none dare to do the fattest thing he can think of…none dare to stuff their chunky faces. They know he is watching them, keeping tabs on their gluttony…that he will punish them for their weakness and their greed, the moment they break and begin to stuff their tubby faces with more fat, fast food!

                He adjusts in his seat, calming himself. His job is to hold these porkers accountable…at least it was, when the obese men first signed up for the program. Each of them had heard of the results, had seen their coworkers and friends shed the pounds at a rapid weight. They had waddled their quivering asses as quickly as they could to the stores where they could sign up to have their ears implanted with an irremovable headpiece, their brains injected with signals that could control their appetites and fatigue receptors, their fat cells connected to “alterers,” which could supplement a rise or fall in swelling, in fat storage…

                At first the results had been dramatic and quick. The controllers spent their days encouraging the plump men to exercise, eat right, engage in healthier activities…and their clients reaped the benefits of their hard work! Nothing like taking the easy route for fatboys like these; handsome heads on blowfish-like-bodies, whose only thoughts seemed to be about their next opportunities to stuff their faces with greasy food. But then, corporate stepped in. He and the other controllers had been doing too good a job, and other drugs which would result in more rapid weight-loss were starting to take the place of their program. They were starting to lose customers, and corporate certainly couldn’t have that. So they encouraged their employees to…prolong the formerly-recent results. Maybe even reverse them if it came to it…

                He had been surprised by the instructions, even resentful. So his job was to help a bunch of fat fucking porkers who couldn’t keep their chubby hands out of the cookie jar to get even fatter? He scoffed at the idea. But that all changed after his first bout of tampering with his customer’s weight. He had caught the man bingeing, hiding out in his car so his roommates couldn’t see him cheating on his diet. And he had taken the opportunity, not to speak words of redirection or encouragement, but to whisper into the mic that connected directly to the man’s ear, “you know you want it fatty. You know you want another burger. You know you want to shove down another fistful of fries!” And to his surprise, the fat fuck obliged, gobbling down every greedy mouthful in the bag until he had to lean back, his belly puffing out between his waistband and his shirt as he looked at the chubby, round results of his greed. Far fatter than the little binge could account for…

                He hadn’t even realized as he was whispering what his fingers were doing, that they had wrapped around the control knobs, that they were pushing buttons. That they had made his client’s fat cells swell so much that by the time he stripped and stepped onto the scale, he had gone up twenty-five pounds.

                A sudden, intense twinge excited him and made him realize that there was a flicker of enjoyment in teasing the fatboy, in calling out his greed, in blowing him up with the touch of a button and even gaslighting the flustered fat fuck afterward into believing that it was his own fault for gorging on the bag of burgers, despite the impossibility of him putting on twenty-five pounds in a day!

                That moment had blossomed and ballooned as rapidly as his clients’ backsides, as he realized just how much he enjoyed toying with their bodies and their brains, and tampering with their appetites. Now, as he sits in his chair, surveying his collection of struggling, fatties, his harem of young, handsome piggies who were growing right before his eyes, he leans into the feeling, his toes clenching, his fingers itching for the control panels as he weighs who his next target will be…

                Who to fuck with? His eyes move from the chubby swimmer barely able to fit into his swimsuit to the TA, hardly able to keep his buttons from flying and hitting his students to the delivery man whose lips wet as he smells the aroma of food steaming from the bags beside him.

                His index finger tickles the top of one of the knobs. “Eenie…” He looks at the groomsman, desperately trying to fit into his tuxedo. ”…meenie” A mechanic tries to wiggle his blubbery body beneath a car as his coworkers tease his chub. “…miney…” A fatass sweats as he tries to decide at the lunch counter between a bowl of pasta and a salad.

                He leans in, a sneer curling the lips on his chiseled, pretty face. who should it be? He would have to deserve it, of course…and while he enjoys watching them all struggle, none of them seem to be doing anything that would warrant punishment. Who will be the one acting enough like a fat fuck to tip his hand?

                And then he sees him…the former model, the social media influencer. The handsomest of all…or at least he was until he blew his fat body up like a pastry! Well, his face was still handsome…and the rest of his body looked like an overinflated Thanksgiving Day Parade float.

                He watches as the ridiculously-cute fatty strides into his room, fat ass wedged into the designer underwear he could fit into about a hundred pounds ago. Flustered as he crosses his apartment, but apparently not caring or remembering that the controller can see what he is doing. The chub’s thick arms wrapped tightly around something, as if trying to hide it from view of the camera. The controller leans in, adjusting the camera to reveal that the object is a gigantic bucket of fried chicken accompanied by potato wedges. All deep fried. All fattening.

                He leans into the screen, about to burst from his excitement. The overfed model jiggles his fat body onto the bed, leaning back as his belly takes up half his lap, as his thighs fight each other for space, as his man tits and chubby arms battle over the bucket. The piglet reaches his hand in, drawing first a chicken leg and then a potato wedge in the other. He opens the plump, pretty lips on his handsome face…

                “Do it, fatty,” says the controller into the mic. And he watches as the fataboy sinks his teeth into the chicken, ripping a chunk greedily!

                That’s all he needs! The controller flicks the switch and as the fatty binges, he watches as his skin stretches, his fat rolls swelling, the pudge rapidly blimping around his swelling body. He eats and eats as the controller whispers in his ear. “That’s right piggy…eat like your life depends on it fatboy,” the settings so low that the fatass won’t be able to even register that he is being talked to…commanded to act like the true, fat piggy boy that he is.

                It isn’t until the former model is done stuffing his face that he even realizes the change. But when he does, the controller can see him grow flustered in an instant. The porker leans back, sweating, grabbing at his belly, eyes wide with shock, as if unable to believe what he sees before him.

                The controller smiles, satiated by the handsome fat fuck’s flustered state. But it doesn’t keep him satisfied for long. In an instant, he turns his attention to another, to the fat businessman still struggling to button his pants. He flicks a switch and laughs as the man’s belly blubbers out by a couple inches, sending the button flying wildly across the bathroom, accompanied by a satisfying r-i-i-i-i-p of the lardass’s trousers!

                And then he unleashes all his might, flicking this switch and that, whispering into each of his client’s ears as he sends them, one by one, into a tizzy, a feeding frenzy, watching his own symphony; the smacking of food, the squealing of shock, the huffing flustered whimpering as they try to run of the pudge. A mosaic of helpless, flustered fatties who balloon before his eyes, who burst against their clothes as they make total embarrassments of themselves in front of their friends, as they rip their clothes and pop their buttons and blub up like a farm full of fat, handsome piggies who only grow fatter before the controller’s eyes!

[morning-star-joy]

look at us, you and I, back at it again

a stranger's heart without a home Chapter 7

Pairing: rivals to friends with benefits Joel x F!Reader, Post-Outbreak

Chapter Summary: You and Joel fall into a new routine of stress-relief, but run into a slight mishap when Dina invites him and Ellie to your game night.

Chapter Warnings: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) Unprotected p in v sex, Rough Sex, Language

Wordcount: 8.8k

A/N: Chapter 14 is up on ao3 now! Thank you guys for all the support you show this fic <3

chapter 1 || chapter 6 || chapter 7 || masterlist

ao3 link

You did, in fact, have sex with Joel Miller again.

Both of you deserved at least some credit for prolonging the inevitable for as long as you could; the entire week after the night you went out for drinks was spent carefully avoiding each other. One of the only times you nearly ran into Joel was when you happened to be walking down the same street as him. When you saw him, and realized that you would end up crossing paths, you quickly spun around and sped-walk in the opposite direction, causing Dina to do a confused U-turn and run after you.

You could feel him watching you as you walked faster, trying to outrun Dina’s questions on what was wrong with you while also trying to forget the feeling of his eyes on you as you walked an unnecessarily longer path to your destination, just to escape having to potentially confront him.

Tommy’s exasperation at your antics around Joel had returned, and he wasn’t shy about expressing his frustrations about what he described as a “rocky relationship” you had with Joel.

Little did he know how vast of an understatement that was.

“But you were getting along so well when we went out for drinks!” he had protested when you ate breakfast together with him and Maria on one of those mornings when you couldn’t use your own kitchen, due to the dreams of Joel that had woken you up.

You had shrugged, not meeting his eyes as you shoveled the scrambled eggs into your mouth. Tommy and Maria’s was supposed to be a safe haven to escape thoughts of Joel, not a place to be bombarded with questions about him.

“Alcohol makes you do crazy things,” you had murmured, the words not at all a lie. In fact, they rang a bit too close to the truth, and when you dared to look up, you saw Maria analyzing you closely, which made your eyes dart away.

One week later, you were still doing pretty well avoiding Joel, until you saw your patrol assignment.

You were sure that Tommy and Maria had the baby routine well practiced by now, and you thought that Tommy would’ve been back to patrolling, taking his place as Joel’s partner again. But your name was still listed next to the older Miller brother’s, and you stomped all the way to Tommy’s to confront him.

He had been holding a peacefully sleeping baby as he grinned at your irritation.

“Oh, our little Hope has been such a rascal lately.” Tommy’s grin had grown as your frown deepened, the baby girl in his arms not making so much as a peep as he spoke. “Maria needs all the help she can get.”

So then you were back with Joel on patrol, riding in awkward silence by his side as you tried to pretend you hadn’t crossed the line with each other again.

You were doing pretty well, in your opinion. Avoiding looking at each other, not daring to say a word as you got to the spots where you had to check for Infected. There were only a few Runners to deal with, and you both fell easily into a learned professionalism as you took care of them quickly and efficiently. 

For a while there you were actually foolish enough to think you weren’t going to act on that impulse of desire you felt around him again. But when you were safe at the outpost for the route, the two of you all alone inside four secure walls, it only took a quiet groan as you absentmindedly stretched your sore muscles for him to be on you again.

Joel had pushed you against the wall and fucked you there, fast and hard, your gasps and his grunts echoing in the safehouse along with the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin. No words were exchanged as he mercilessly thrusted into you until you came, and he followed soon after, his release dripping onto your stomach from where he had pulled out and pressed himself against you.

“Never again,” Joel had grunted as he left you panting against the wall, and you pulled your pants back up as he went to sign your names in the logbook.

Your eyes had raked down his figure as he bent over to write the notes of your patrol in the log, a smirk growing on your face that you quickly wiped away when he turned back.

You only lasted a few days before the next time.

It had been late, and you were trying fruitlessly to get a wink of sleep, the thoughts of fucking Joel for a third time while on patrol too vivid, too alluring to forget. When you had finally given in and slipped your hand between your legs, a knock sounded on your front door, making your hand snap back as you jolted out of bed.

You answered your door in just a camisole and thin sleep pants, not needing your robe as the spring days were becoming warmer in preparation for summer. And there was Joel, leaning against the top of the door frame, his gaze defeated while he watched you stand there, licking his lips as he tried to find the words.

“I…”

He had trailed off, shaking his head as you smirked and took a few steps back, wordlessly allowing him in. Joel followed you inside, kicking the door back closed behind him before he descended upon you.

You collapsed on your couch after he bent you over the side and fucked you against it, the smell of sex strong in the air even as the sounds of moans and furniture scraping against your wooden floorboards with the strength of Joel’s thrusts into you were gone.

“Never again?” you had beaten him to it, looking up at him through half-lidded eyes as he zipped his pants up.

Joel didn’t look back at you as the front door closed behind him.

Two days later, when you sank down onto the floor in his entryway after not even making it into the living room, you opened your mouth to tease him about his denial again when he interrupted you.

“If we’re going to keep doing this,” he started gruffly, his voice thick and rough from sex as he tucked his dick away, “then we need some set rules.”

You laughed as you shimmied your pants back up, your head that was resting back against the wall lazily rolling to the side so you could look at him.

“Okay, shoot,” you said casually, too relaxed from the fuck to argue. And a part of you was even curious to hear what he had to say.

Joel glanced at you, the lust clearing from his gaze, which became sharper as he regarded you. His eyes darted between yours, as if he was trying to find a hint of judgment from you, a reason to withdraw his offer at continuing this...whatever it was. But when he saw no harsh discernment in your gaze, he began to lay out his proposition for rules.

“We do it at night, and we do it in Jackson,” he stated bluntly, leaving no room for argument, and you arched an eyebrow.

“That kind of sounds like two things to me,” you smirked as you couldn't hold in the snark, rolling your eyes at the hardened look he gave you before you sighed. “Alright, what’s the second rule?”

“Nobody can know,” Joel said seriously, his gaze becoming more severe as you laughed. Maybe he was thinking that this had been a mistake, that you weren't taking it seriously and he should just kick you out now, as he repeated harshly, “Nobody. Especially not Tommy.”

“Well I fucking knew that,” you huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. You don’t think you could look Tommy in the eye if he ever found out that you were his brother’s new fuck buddy. “Third rule?”

“Nothing personal,” Joel said stiffly, his eyes so intense, so severe that you couldn’t look away. “No taking off more clothes than necessary, no bedrooms, no ki—”

“No kissing, yeah, I know that one,” you rolled your eyes, though you didn’t make any comments on how adamant he seemed about that last rule. “That’s it?”

“That’s it,” Joel affirmed, giving a sharp nod of his head as he watched you closely. 

Probably trying to gauge your reactions to his rules. Maybe hoping you would deny them, so you could go back to being in denial about this new weird development in your relationship, avoiding each other until you ended up falling into each other’s arms again.

Instead of prolonging the inevitable any longer, you shrugged a shoulder, a smirk playing on your lips.

“Sounds good to me.”

Avoiding each other was not a part of the established rules of casually fucking Joel Miller, but you found yourself naturally doing it anyway. During the day, you wouldn’t go to places that you knew he usually haunted. Then when night came, you would wonder if he would come visit you; and if he didn’t, whether you wanted to go to him instead.

Sex with Joel became a pattern, a sin you typically committed at least once or twice a week. It seemed to be an act more common after one of you had a particularly long or tough day, but you could only gauge a bad day for Joel if a scowl more intense than usual was on his face. You never talked about it, or about anything for that matter; you always kept the rule of nothing personal as you worked out your stress through finding pleasure in the simplicity of fulfilling a carnal desire.

And it was actually working. You started to feel more relaxed than you had in months. It’s not like your depression magically disappeared because of good dick, that would be fucking ridiculous, but you were less tense. You found yourself able to fall asleep and stay asleep easier when your thoughts were lazy, muscles relaxed from a good fuck.

Tommy was none the wiser, which came from good ol’ Rule #2. You and Joel ironed out how to greet each other simply without showing any hints of your secret deal. While it was obvious that Tommy wanted you and Joel to be the best of friends, he eventually settled for what he saw as you tolerating each other’s presence.

“I just think you would really get along,” Tommy would huff quietly after his prodding to try and get you to open up to Joel—his wording, not yours, but the irony of it was not lost on you—got him nowhere. “You’re more alike than you think.”

He wasn’t wrong. You had seen those hints of similarities between you and Joel before. But even if you wanted to delve into that, the rule of your arrangement that Joel was most adamant about forbade any kind of personal conversation. He’d show up on your doorstep and you’d silently let him in, get a quick fuck, then watch him rush back out. And because of your rules, everybody was none the wiser.

Well, everybody except for Dina.

She was suspicious, you could tell. The teenager was so good at reading people, it was almost scary. And she knew you well, probably better than anybody except for Tommy, which made keeping her in the dark about your arrangement with Joel even harder.

Luckily, Joel wasn’t around you enough for either of you to give any telling signs that something was up between the two of you. Dina didn’t know Joel had anything to do with your slight shift in attitude, she just knew that something was up. Because not only did she know you almost as well as the back of her hand, but she also had a damn sixth sense for any relationship changes in Jackson.

And she was staring at you now, eyes narrowed and locked with yours from across your coffee table.

“I know what you’re hiding,” Dina said menacingly, and your eyes squinted further at her, your mouth set in a firm line.

“I don’t think you have any idea what I’m hiding,” you said slowly back, not flinching or giving any hint away with your face as she watched you closely for any of your tells.

You continued to stare each other down, a silent battle to get the other to back down first, to show your hand and reveal your hard-kept secrets. 

After a prolonged stare down, when neither of you wavered and you decided it was finally the right time to act, you slapped one of the last cards in your hand down on the table, and Dina groaned.

“No!” she screamed, throwing her hands up in the air, a few of the cards still in her grip going flying with the motion. “No!”

You laughed maniacally, the card that would let you choose the color and make her pull four cards facing up towards you both on the top of the pile. Your smirk was smug as you watched her realize that she was going to lose.

“Uno,” you enunciated the two syllables slowly, and she glared vehemently at you.

“God dammit,” she muttered, slapping her hand down on the deck and drawing four cards.

“Aren’t you going to ask what color?” you asked cockily, waving your last card towards you to fan your face, a posh action worthy of your status as the inevitable victor of this Uno match.

Dina’s glare worsened, and you would almost be worried she was actually mad at you if you didn’t know how well she could act by now.

“Just get it over with,” she muttered, and you grinned as you slapped your last card down on the large pile.

“Blue, bitch!” you cackled, shimmying your shoulders in a victory dance as she flung her cards at you one by one, and you laughed with a wince when one of the sharp edges got too close to your eye.

Dina couldn’t resist joining your laughter for long, the sight of your silly dance too stupid for her not to cackle at. The two of you dissolved into a fit of giggles, grinning at each other’s silliness as you leaned forward to collect the cards.

“One more round?” Dina asked for what was probably the fifth time that afternoon, not counting the other games you had been playing, and you sighed as you glanced towards where the curtains were pulled back from your front window.

“I—”

You cut off, eyes widening as you realized that the street lights were on outside, and stars were shining up in the dark sky. Blinking rapidly as if daylight would come back if you just blinked enough, you stared at how night had already fallen in Jackson, before jerking forward to tidy the cards and shove them back in the box.

“Hey, isn’t it a school day tomorrow?” you asked, closing the box as Dina arched an eyebrow at your renewed energy to pack up the games you had been playing all afternoon and, apparently, into the night.

“It’s a Friday,” Dina said slowly, eyes narrowing as she watched you shoot subtle glances towards your window. “That’s why I’m here? Friday game night, no lessons tomorrow.”

Shit, you thought, standing swiftly as you moved around to try and nudge Dina out of her seat.

“Yeah, well, that also means we got combat practice tomorrow,” you said hurriedly, though Dina resisted being pushed out of her seat as she stared up at you. “You gotta get some sleep before I kick your ass.”

“You’re acting really fucking weird,” she accused, still not budging as you started to tug at her arm, trying to pull her to her feet.

“What? I’m perfectly normal,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes as she raised both her eyebrows at you in disbelief. “I’m always normal. Nothing is wrong with me, ever.”

Okay, you were officially making this way worse than it was. You didn’t even know if Joel was going to show up tonight.

Maybe he wouldn’t come. Maybe you were just overreacting, and everything would be fine—

A knock on the door interrupted your internal attempts to reassure yourself, and you froze.

Dina glanced towards the front door, visible from where she sat in the living room, before looking back at you. You returned her stare blankly, still holding onto her arm even though you weren’t tugging at it to try and get her to leave anymore.

“Aren’t you going to get that?” she asked slowly.

You shook your head, giving a frown of forced indifference even as you internally panicked about what the fuck, fucking fuck, how the fuck were you going to get out of this?

“Nah, it’s probably not important,” you forced a casual tone as you dropped her arm to place your hands on your hips.

A knock sounded on your door again after the unconvincing words, louder this time, and you resisted the urge to shift under Dina’s narrowing gaze. You kept staring at her, completely expressionless as her dark, inquisitive eyes kept darting back and forth between you and the door.

You huffed, cursing yourself internally because even though you could ignore it all night, you knew that the longer you delayed, the harder Joel would knock, and Dina sure as hell wasn’t going to leave until she saw who was showing up at your house so late. In fact, she may just get up and go answer the door herself if you didn’t do it soon.

“Okay, Dina,” you emphasized her name loudly as you turned to slowly walk the short distance to the door. You continued to speak louder than normal, hoping your voice would carry through the walls so Joel could hear it from outside. “I’ll get the door!”

Dina’s arms crossed as she watched you stop outside the door, a hint of amusement in her eyes as you just stood there, making no move to answer it like you just claimed you would do. Prolonging the inevitable, once again.

“Then open it,” she said simply, waving her hand towards the door in front of you.

You spun around, cursing fate even as you sent one last wish that it wasn’t Joel towards the higher powers who you doubted even existed, and you pulled open the door.

Yeah, no such luck.

Joel froze on your porch steps from where he had been trying to make a quick getaway, wheeling back around to face you when he heard the door open. He looked more taken aback than you had ever seen him, and you were sure you probably had an identical look on your face as you stared at each other.

Fortunately, the front door opened in such a way that it blocked the both of you from Dina’s view. You and Joel continued to stare at each other, trying to have a silent conversation with your eyes about what the fuck you were going to do to maintain Rule #2, when Dina called from the living room.

“Who is it?” she asked as you heard her finally stand from her seat. 

Panic made you blurt out the first thing you could think of before Dina could come around the corner, not wanting her to catch you and Joel staring each other down before you could come up with some kind of excuse for why he was at your doorstep this late. Even as no excuse would probably be good enough for the inquisitive teen, and you were almost certainly fucked.

“Oh, hey, Joel!” You forced a grin, and Joel’s alarmed gaze narrowed into a glare as you faked a cheerful voice. “Yeah, I got those tools you were asking for earlier. I’ll go get them for you.”

Joel nodded, leaning back on the balls of his feet, as if he was still ready to bolt from where he stood on your porch steps.

“Great, I’ll just wait here then,” he said flatly, a casually indifferent tone that he used with most people. It was a voice that he still directed towards you on most days, so it wasn't too suspicious.

Either the mention of his name or the sound of his voice seemed to summon Dina instantly. The girl was too curious for her own good, and she zoomed towards you so fast that you didn’t even realize she had approached until she was behind you, peeking her head around the door under your arm that was still holding it open.

“Why, hello there, Mr. Miller.” Dina grinned, a devilish look in her eye as you spared a hard glance down at her.

Dina ignored you easily, continuing to smile cheerfully at Joel. The man looked more stiff than you had ever seen him, and that was saying something. He looked blankly down at the teen, and you shifted slightly on your feet, an action that pulled Dina’s attention back to you, her smile slowly shifting into a smirk as she had the guts to look smugly up at you.

“Well, I’ll just grab those tools then—”

“Come in, Joel!” Dina interrupted you as she beamed at the gruff older man, and he tensed even further as you looked back at Dina in poorly concealed shock at the abrupt invitation. “We were just playing some board games!”

Joel’s gaze darted back and forth between the two of you, his mouth dropping open as a sound of hesitation left it, and you would’ve laughed at the rare sight of his absolute uncertainty if you weren’t both caught in such an unfortunate predicament.

“Uh—”

“Actually,” you forced a laugh, your hands coming down to grab Dina’s shoulders, holding them tightly even as you shook her gently. “Dina was just leaving.”

“Nope!” she grinned, laying her classic Dina charm on thick as she rocked back and forth on her feet, as if she couldn’t contain her budding excitement. “I wasn’t. We still need a rematch.”

You opened your mouth to say something else, to try and interrupt whatever dastardly plan you could see forming in her quick-witted mind, but she beat you to it.

“Oh, I know!” You winced at the joyful exclamation, already not liking where this was going. Even though she hadn’t revealed her line of thought just yet, you knew it would be detrimental to your secret, and you were right as turned back to Joel and said brightly, “Joel, you should go get Ellie! We can all play a game or two.”

You slowly turned back to Dina to stare down at her, the fake smile frozen on your face, the look now more akin to a grimace directed towards the teenager.

“Uhhh—”

“Dina,” you interrupted Joel’s continued unsure hedging noises, your smile becoming more forced, more intimidating as she smiled brightly up at you. She was faking being oblivious, but you knew better as you said slowly, “I think Joel just wants his tools.”

In the blink of an eye, Dina's attitude shifted. Her smile was still wide on her face, but her eyes became deadly serious as she looked back at Joel.

“You’re not getting your tools if you don’t join us,” she said, her tone merely matter-of-fact as she glanced between you and Joel. “I know where everything is in this house. And I will hide those tools somewhere neither of you will find them ever again if I don't beat your asses at Monopoly right now.”

Silence fell between the three of you, with only the faint sound of insects chirping outside to break it. It was a standoff now, each of you silently contemplating a way to get the others to back down, to get what you wanted.

You and Joel wanted the same thing: to get the fuck out of this. Dina, bless her nosy adolescent heart, wanted to trap you in the same room to figure out what was going on between you. You knew this, even if Joel didn't.

But even as you tried to come up with any excuse to poke holes in this sudden invitation towards Joel fucking Miller to your reoccurring game night, you knew deep down that Dina would not back down until she got what she wanted. Maybe Joel knew this too, judging by the hesitant look he shot towards you, even as it was gone in the blink of an eye.

Nobody dared to make a move.

And then:

“I’ll go get Ellie,” Joel muttered, turning to descend the rest of the porch steps.

Dina’s smile brightened as she clapped her hands together in excitement, and you sighed.

This was going to be a long night.

Joel hesitated with his hand raised, cursing himself and the situation he had somehow gotten himself into before knocking on Ellie’s door.

“Hey kiddo?”

There was no response at first, and Joel was all too ready to retire back to the solitude of his room, satisfied to say he had at least tried with the minimal effort he had given, when the door swung open and shattered his hopeless dreams.

Ellie stood on the other side in a simple baggy shirt and sweatpants, her ponytail messy and eyes heavy with sleep, like she had just woken up from a nap.

“What’s up?” she yawned, tired eyes questioning as she looked up at him.

Joel shoved his hands in his jeans as he leaned back, deflecting from the question by replying in what he hoped was a casual tone she couldn't see past, “You’re gonna mess up your sleep schedule if you’re napping this late.”

Ellie rose her scarred brow as she rubbed at the sleep in one of her eyes.

“Who says I wasn’t going to sleep early?” she shot back, her wit not dampened even as she was still half-asleep.

Joel arched his own brow, nodding slowly at the comeback. 

“Touché,” he murmured, glancing away from her. He was still trying to find a way to get out of the situation, to come up with some excuse not to return to that house, when her voice pulled his attention back.

“Joel?” His eyes snapped back to Ellie as she held back another yawn before asking again, “What’s going on?”

“Oh,” Joel looked down at his feet, tapping the ground with the tip of his boot as he shrugged. “Uh, your friend wanted to play some board games with you.”

When he looked back up, he saw the sleepiness on Ellie’s face had faded, a puzzled look taking its place as she frowned at him.

“My friend? Who?”

Joel cleared his throat, looking over her head at the posters of outer space and old, probably dead musicians that had quickly taken over her walls since Ellie had made the garage behind his house her own little home to live in.

“Uh,” Joel blanked for a second, trying to remember the girl’s name, but that damn woman’s face was swimming in the front of his mind until he managed to mentally shove the image away. Finally he remembered the name, and he said quickly, “Dina.”

Ellie blinked in surprise, a look Joel couldn’t recognize flashing across her face before she frowned deeper in further confusion.

“Why is Dina asking you if I’ll play games with her?” she asked slowly, her words full of apprehension and a hint of the teen’s trademark sarcasm Joel had not only gotten used to, but grown fond of. “Are we eight years old?”

“No, she was—” Joel cut himself off, waving his hand as he tried to find the right words. “She was with her friend.”

Ellie stared at him blankly, but Joel swore he saw a faint bit of amusement in her brown gaze as she watched him struggle to explain it to her. It wasn’t often when Joel had a hard time finding words, and it seemed like she was getting a silent kick out of it.

“Y’know, Tommy’s Firefly,” he finally said, wincing internally as he referred to her as a Firefly as he suddenly remembered her resentment towards the group. For all his lack of caring, he should at least respect that and find another way to refer to her.

It took another moment before recognition lit up in Ellie’s eyes, her mouth forming an “o” shape before she frowned again, still confused and asking more never-ending questions that she apparently needed answers to, answers Joel was not willing to give.

“And why were you talking to her?” There was definitely undeniable amusement in her voice now, and Joel huffed.

His foot started to tap impatiently against the ground as he avoided the question by asking gruffly, “Are we going to go play games or not?”

Ellie leaned back, her amusement now obvious in the way her lips twitched into a familiar smirk, and she lifted her hands in surrender at his biting irritation.

“Alright, just gimme a moment to change,” she sighed before closing the door.

Joel frowned, not understanding why Ellie couldn’t just go in what she was already wearing. The teen had never really cared about her appearance before, so why would she care now?

He busied himself with looking around the yard, listening to the quiet hum of insects and the gentle spring breeze rustling through the leaves of nearby plants until Ellie stepped back out, her loose shirt switched for a longer-sleeved red one, her sweatpants exchanged for worn jeans.

“You look nice,” Joel tried to compliment, and Ellie gave a pfft sound at his awkward attempt as she rolled her eyes.

“Shut up,” she muttered, shoving her hands in her pockets as Joel began to lead the way back to the house he had visited far too often in recent weeks. 

While the situation was…less than ideal, to put it simply, Joel was secretly grateful to have an excuse to spend some time with Ellie. His relationship with her had become strained at best since returning to Jackson. It pained him, to feel her slowly slipping away from him, even as he tried desperately to hold onto the bond they had forged between them.

He knew that the situation with the Fireflies had not been easy on her, even as she didn’t know the truth about it. Or at least, Joel didn’t think she knew the truth. But there were times when Ellie looked at him in a certain way, like she had on the hill above Jackson when she told him to swear he told the truth, that spoke to a deeper part of her that knew. That deep down, she was aware it was a lie. 

Still, she never confronted him on it again. They fell into an awkward normalcy, with her living in his garage instead of the house, so he would have to seek her out for a minute or two of her company, which he would. He always would. Joel would go to her, armed with a couple of bad puns in the hopes of making her crack a smile or, if he was exceptionally lucky, laughter that she barely seemed to have in her anymore.

While it pained him to see Ellie be this shadow of her former self, there were moments when he was nearly overjoyed to see the old Ellie peeking through. Usually those moments were spent in the company of her friends, especially the one that they were going to play games with tonight. So while the circumstance would no doubt be awkward at best, Joel couldn’t find himself being too mad at the opportunity it gave him to spend some time with Ellie.

As if she had been thinking along the same lines as him, Ellie finally spoke up to break the tentative silence that had fallen between them on the walk to House 27.

“Why are you coming?”

Joel’s steps nearly stumbled at the sudden blunt question, but he quickly steadied himself. Clearing his throat, he glanced away from Ellie’s cautiously inquisitive gaze to look down the dark residential street.

“Dina invited me too,” he said with a shrug, still avoiding Ellie’s gaze even as he could hear the frown of confusion in her voice when she spoke next, not needing to look at her to know it was there.

“Okay…” Joel thought that would be the end of another short conversation between them, but then she spoke again, “You still didn’t tell me why you were there, though.”

Joel’s head turned from her completely now, so she couldn’t see the awkward anxiety her line of questioning prodded from him. He observed the line of houses they walked past, the windows all dark at this time of night, contemplating what to say that would assuage the girl’s persistent curiosity.

“I needed to borrow some tools,” he finally replied, grabbing at the excuse his—the woman had given for Dina to hopefully believe. Which he was sure the teen didn’t. “They were playing games, and your friend invited us to join them.”

Ellie hummed beside him, and Joel resisted looking back at her, because he could tell just from the short sound that she didn’t believe the excuse either.

Fucking hell, how did their second rule come under fire so quickly?

“I’m surprised you went to her for tools,” Ellie said innocently, but Joel could hear a familiar underlying tone to it. One that told him that she was egging him on now, trying to get him to admit to something. She probably didn't know what his admission was, which gave him some relief, but he knew that she could tell there was something. Something he didn't want to tell her, and she was determined to find out what it was. “I didn’t think you even liked her.”

“I don’t,” Joel said too quickly, and when Ellie snickered, Joel finally looked back at her in sharp exasperation. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Ellie replied casually, shoving her hands back into the pockets of her jeans as she glanced away from him. Joel had a feeling she wasn’t done barraging him yet though, and his suspicions were proven correct when she turned back to him a few seconds later, a sly look glinting in her eyes. “Just thought it was weird, you going to her for something, of all people.”

Joel huffed, glancing away from her as his brows furrow, a frown forming on his face.

“Tommy wants us to get along,” he finally muttered, kicking at a loose rock on the ground as they walked. Now that wasn’t a lie, even as the next thing he said was. “Figured I’d make some sort of effort.”

Ellie hummed in response, and nothing was said further on the topic. The pair continued to stroll towards their destination in silence, one that felt more content than before, more similar to the atmosphere they used to have between them before everything went wrong.

And in the peaceful quiet of the Jackson night, with the previous topic still hanging heavy in the air, it didn’t take long for Joel’s thoughts to turn towards the woman he couldn’t seem to stay away from.

He held back a sigh of exasperation when the image of her flashed in his mind. Joel had really thought he could keep himself away from her, and he couldn’t help but wonder how things would’ve been different if he had just resisted the urge to visit her that cold, lonely winter morning. Thinking back, he couldn’t even figure out why he had done it. Probably just a kneejerk reaction from the stress of the argument with Ellie the night before that, and the tempting allure of a hot cup of coffee.

Definitely not the promise of sex the mysterious woman’s words had slyly held, and the need for even a brief moment of release that it offered. But even if Joel had shown up on her doorstep with the best of intentions, everything went south the moment she actually let him in.

Now he just couldn’t seem to get enough of her. He thought that disliking her, that being jealous of her relationship with Tommy and holding disdain for her history as a Firefly, would erase that inexplicable pull he felt towards her. But that moment he had seen a crack in her armor on their patrol to the ski lodge, when she had shown signs of a lingering fear that he knew all too well from his own first-hand experience, he found himself slipping again.

Joel didn’t really know that much about the ex-Firefly, even now. In reality, he only knew three things about her.

For one, he knew that she hated the Fireflies. Whatever she had done for them, whatever crimes she had committed, now paled in severity in Joel’s mind when compared to the trauma she seemed to harbor from it. So the biggest difference between them—a rebel idealist versus a cynical smuggler—was erased when he realized that she wasn’t really that freedom fighter he had assumed she was at all. As it turned out, she seemed to be just as much of a cold realist as him.

He also knew that she could spit more venom than the deadliest rattlesnake. Sometimes it was biting, as it had been when they argued in the ski lodge. Other times it was more of a snark, poking fun at him or teasing those few people he had seen she was fond of.

And that was the last thing he knew. That for all her carefully constructed walls, there were at least two people who had found their way into the fortress of her heart: Tommy and Dina.

As frustrating as it was, Joel found himself actually understanding her when it came to that. When she had admitted that Tommy was her lifeline at the lodge, it was like the entire way he viewed the aggravating woman shifted. Because Joel had also found a lifeline like that, one who was walking beside him now under the Jackson streetlights.

His gaze shifted to Ellie, who had stayed quiet during their walk to House Number 27. Joel had been broken and numb, harboring an aching wound that had only continued to fester for twenty years until Ellie came along. It wasn’t until he met her that he found something worth living for again, instead of simply surviving.

In the back of his mind, Joel’s thoughts shifted back to that day in the park, not long after they had returned to Jackson. He remembered Ellie smiling brighter than she had in weeks when watching the butterflies with Dina, and how the sight had made his heart swell with happiness.

He also remembered how the woman at his side had also looked at the teens in fondness, and how she had frozen when he had given in to a rare bout of curiosity and asked if Dina was her sister.

For a moment it was like the ex-Firefly had been lost to the world. Her eyes stopped tracking what was in front of her, instead gaining a far-off look as she saw something else. 

Or, if Joel knew well enough from his own experience, someone else.

“Ellie!”

Joel turned, seeing the young burst of charisma and energy that was Dina waving with both arms from the porch of House 27. He glanced sideways at Ellie to see she was smiling softly, returning the wave with a small one of her own. Joel opened up the gate of the fence for her, letting the teen walk through to get to her friend, before he looked up.

Leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and silhouetted by the light in the hallway behind her, was a familiar, annoyingly attractive sight. Joel bit back a sigh, shoulders hunched forward as he met her eyes for a split second before following Ellie up the path, not able to help thinking that they were in for a very long night.

“And I believe I win again,” Dina sang happily as she counted her pile of fake money with far too much glee, and you sighed with a roll of your eyes.

“You’re cheating,” Ellie accused, eyes narrowed as you snapped your fingers and pointed at Dina, nodding in agreement with the accusation.

“I agree,” you said, and Dina scoffed as she sat up straighter, her own eyes narrowing at the same time yours did. “You are absolutely cheating, because nobody wins at Monopoly two times in a row.”

“Nobody plays Monopoly two times in a row,” Joel spoke up for once from where he had been awkwardly sitting on your dining room chair that Dina had pulled over for him, begrudgingly playing along with the games all night. “Nobody sane, at least.”

“Do we look sane to you, Mr. Miller?” Dina asked pointedly, and he fell silent as he looked between the three of you.

The silence was very telling, and the two teenagers burst out into laughter as you couldn’t help but quietly chuckle along, amused by their amusement alone.

When you looked back at him, you swore you saw the hint of a smile on Joel’s face, but he quickly glanced away towards your fireplace, effectively hiding any expression that he might have let slip on his face from your observation.

“Okay,” Dina grinned, tapping her fingers against the board, the movement making the pieces rattle as she asked cheerfully, “one more round?”

“Dina,” you groaned, your head turning to look at the clock on your wall, which you gestured to with exasperation. “It’s, like, three AM.”

“And?” she drawled slowly, as if she wasn’t seeing your point, and you sighed before leaning forward.

“And if you want to spend your entire Friday night playing Monopoly multiple times, you really are insane,” you teased, making both teens laugh again as you rolled your eyes with a huff.

Despite being tired, it was heartwarming to see the two girls interact with each other. You were right in thinking that Dina would be able to pull Ellie out from behind the walls she had built around herself, at least a little bit. Seeing Ellie laugh and joke more than she had in months made the unexpected direction the game night had gone in worth it.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Dina drawled, shooting you a smug smirk, “I forgot that you old people needed to go to sleep at, like, 7:00.”

Joel’s brow furrowed as Dina cast a glance towards him with her cheeky remark.

“Why am I grouped into that?” he asked, and Dina and Ellie exchanged a look before bursting into laughter again.

“Joel, you’re like a fossil, man,” Ellie cackled at her own joke she made at the older man's expense, and Dina doubled over as she laughed harder.

Even you had to smother a snort behind the back of your hand, not a sound that went unnoticed judging by Joel’s sharp, unamused glare in your direction. It was a look that only made you snicker more, the sound obscured into your hand as he shook his head at your apparent amusement before looking away again.

“Dina,” you began slowly once the laughter died down, turning to the teen with a raised eyebrow as she faked an innocent look towards you. “We still have combat training tomorrow, remember?”

“Ah, shit,” she sighed, collapsing dramatically in her chair, and you half-expected a ‘woe is me’ monologue before she hopped to her feet. “Alright, alright, fine. Lemme just get some water first, I’m thirsty.”

Dina stopped to grab a surprised Ellie’s hand, tugging her along as they disappeared into your kitchen. Even with them out of sight, the sound of Dina’s chatter and Ellie’s quiet laughter every now then carried back into the living room where you leaned back into the couch with a sigh. 

While your usual game night with Dina had gained two unexpected guests, you were genuinely surprised by how much fun it had turned out to be. Even Joel’s sour expression the entire time hadn’t been able to dampen the mood.

But even with his grumpy attitude, there were moments throughout the games when you saw a fondness break through Joel's stoic features, when he would lean forward to help Ellie with a game. There were a few times where he quietly explained a rule she didn't understand, or subtly murmured a good move for her to make. And when Ellie would emerge victorious with glee shining on her face, a proud smile would turn up the corner of Joel's lips, and even though it was small, it spoke volumes to how much the girl meant to him.

An eye peeked open to glance at him now, seeing that the surly survivor had stood and moved to lean against the mantle of your fireplace. You pushed yourself to your feet, slowly moving next to him, leaving a good amount of distance as a buffer between you while Dina and Ellie’s laughter rang out from the kitchen.

“She’s a good kid,” Joel said from your side, and you turned with an arched brow at the comment, surprised that Joel was attempting to make conversation.

“Yeah, Ellie’s great,” you nodded with a genuine smile, the sentiment not faked in the slightest. You didn't know Joel and Ellie's whole story—or any of it, really—but they clearly meant a lot to each other. And in this world, that was enough to mean something. That was enough to hold on to.

There was a hint of pride in Joel’s shift in his stance as you praised Ellie, a light that sparked in his eyes for just a moment before it disappeared, and he shook his head at your statement.

“She is, but I didn’t mean her," he replied, and you frowned at him in confusion, not understanding what he meant before he clarified, “I meant Dina.”

“Oh,” you said softly, glancing back towards the kitchen where you could hear lighthearted giggles again, and you smiled fondly. “Yeah, she’s got a good head on her shoulders.”

A moment of silence fell between you. Not unusual, and you figured the short conversation was over, until Joel spoke up again, his voice somehow softer this time.

“You’re doing a good job with her.”

You blinked, looking back at Joel in surprise you couldn’t conceal even if you wanted to. The sincerity of the words took you off guard, and you felt an emotion you couldn’t name swell in your chest as you quickly looked away. You didn't want him to see whatever look was bleeding into your expression at that moment, didn't want him to notice whatever parts of yourself were emerging from the depths of your subconscious as you kept your head down.

“Well, I can hardly take credit for that,” you finally muttered quietly, shrugging one shoulder even as you stared at your feet.

Joel’s own shrug brought your attention back up to him.

“Maybe,” he assented, looking away from you. You figured that was all he was going to say before he added quietly, “Still, you mean something to her. So you’re doing something right.”

You were staring back at the ground even before you felt the familiar weight of his gaze on you again, stunned into silence at the unexpected, considerate sentiment that you never would have thought him capable of.

Dina and Ellie’s return cut off any further conversation, and you straightened from where you were leaning against the fireplace along with Joel. He glanced back towards you before heading out with the teens, taking the time to assure you that they would get Dina home safely, and you gave a rare, thankful smile as you closed the door behind them.

When you turned back around, you saw that sitting on the fireplace mantle, in the spot Joel had glanced at before moving towards it, was a framed drawing you knew well.

Spinning back around quickly, you walked into your bedroom, cutting off any further, unwanted thought spiral in your mind so you could escape reality for dreams. 

You could only hope that those dreams would be kind tonight.

As time passed, and spring transitioned fully into summer, Tommy went back to patrolling with Joel. You were a bit startled by how much you had to readjust when you returned to patrolling with Eugene or Jesse, not realizing that you had gotten so used to Joel being by your side when outside of Jackson’s walls.

Still, even the shift in patrol partners didn’t stop your arrangement with Joel. You found yourself going to him, or him coming to you at least one or two nights a week, losing yourselves in the familiar chase of pleasure only found in sex.

You told yourself it was an escape, an outlet, and that it didn’t matter that Joel was the person you were doing it with. 

Even as you kept finding yourself going back to only him.

You collapsed on Joel’s chest, head falling against his shoulder as you shivered from the aftershocks of an orgasm, even as he continued to buck up into you. The overstimulation made you moan, fingers curling around the lighter t-shirt he had exchanged his flannel for, biting your lip as you heard him grunt loudly before pulling out, his hot cum shooting up to land on your lower stomach and inner thighs.

His panting caused his chest to rise and fall rapidly, your head moving with it as you listened to the fast thrum of his heartbeat. Your face had fallen against his neck, and you inhaled the earthy scent mixed with sweat from your strenuous activities before you pulled away.

Pushing yourself up, you sat on the edge of your couch. His cum was still dripping down your legs as you stretched, shifting over to one side as he pulled his legs back and turned around to face forward.

You went about your usual silent routine of cleaning yourselves up, replacing what little clothing you had removed in order to get the act done as quickly as possible. So when Joel’s voice rang out while you were in the process of fixing your hair, you nearly jumped in surprise.

“Tommy’s going to ask you to come to dinner,” he grunted as he zipped his pants back up and fixed his shirt, and you looked over at him in apprehension.

“Huh?”

Joel fixed you with a blank stare at the totally eloquent sound you made that you blamed fully on the haze from the sex afterglow.

“Tommy,” he said again, his head dropping back against your couch cushions as he ran a hand over his disheveled, ash gray curls. “He’s inviting you to this dinner he’s having.”

You blinked, not sure where this topic had come from, and still surprised that Joel was actually talking to you after sex, something that he never did.

“Okay,” you said slowly, shifting your body so you were facing Joel more, a sign that you were listening to what he had to say. “What about it?”

“He’s inviting me too,” he grunted as his gaze moved away from you at your renewed attention to him, like he didn’t want to acknowledge your presence after what you had just done, though that wasn't new.

Joel pushed himself up to his feet, moving to where he had kicked his boots off by your front door—a habit that he had gotten into ever since your game night with Dina and Ellie a little while ago.

“Who else?” you asked, turning around to drape your arms over the couch as you watched him, and Joel shook his head.

“Nobody,” he replied as he laced his boots back up, pushing himself back to his feet with a grunt as he finally looked back at you. “Just us, him and Maria.”

“Uhh,” you forced out a laugh with a shake of your head, “yeah, that’s not gonna work.”

“It has to,” Joel said bluntly, his face devoid of emotion as he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall in your entryway. “He’s not taking no for an answer.”

So he’s tried to say no, you thought somewhere in the back of your mind. You wondered how many times exactly Joel had tried to get out of it, before you flopped back onto your couch with a sigh, deciding that it didn't matter.

“Alright, fine,” you muttered as you stared up at the ceiling, accepting it only because you knew that if Tommy's heart was set on this dinner, there was no way either of you could get out of it. No matter how much you wanted to. 

There was a beat of silence when you were waiting for the door to open and close, but the sound never came.

You frowned, about to call out Joel’s name or push yourself up to look at him. But when you opened your mouth, you finally heard the sound of your front door swing open and shut, and only then did you allow yourself to relax.

Sinking back onto the couch, you let the sweet post-fuck bliss wash over you and carry you into a happily dreamless sleep, trying to escape your dread for this dinner with the Miller brothers that was on the horizon of your future.

[mini-ism]

croon— 08 KINKTOBER ‘23

words: 1.7k

synopsis: just a few days ago, K’ may have come to a stunning realization.

warnings: MDNI!! oral (male receiving), p in v, porn with some plot, spanking, choking, degrading, praise, friends with benefits.

K' gazed intently at you, his lips gleaming with fresh saliva. he gave a coy smile, "i know exactly what you want."

his look became one reminiscent of the moments you shared. the skin-to-skin moments, the rough and the soft, the intense and tender moments. the moments spent in his sheets, mewling against him, and ones with his hand against your hip or ass, gripping and grabbing as much as he can cup. the look he gave you that could juxtapose any intimacy you had and any passionate, heated sex you may have ever experienced in his presence. 

just a few days ago, you were in his bed, your tits spilling from your shirt. he grabbed the hemline, yanking both your shirt and your bra down to your lower chest. K' is not one to often smile, however, a sly look painted his features handsomely. he took a breast into his hand, skirting your ribs with his fingertips, squeezing it firmly. a whimper left your lips, wincing slightly. he rolled a nipple between his digits, playing with the bud. "you're quite the brat, you know?" he cocked his head to the side, flicking your sensitive nipple harshly. you inhaled sharply, the pain in your body heightened and laden deep with lust.

"you like that?" you nodded, his hand inching its way from your tit to your ass. you crawled over to him, as he was sitting against the headboard of his bed. truth was, K' and you were friends, and for quite some time now. it was one night while at his, you were drinking with him, and he kissed you. things moved fast, and the memory is fuzzy and intense, but from then on-- having sex with K' was part of your day-to-day, a part of life. gently, you sat in his lap, K's hands now free. you looked up, cupping his cheek and kissing him heatedly. 

K' moaned into the kiss, his eyes shut and his thick arms snaking around your waist to wrap around your frame. your lips collided, the kiss growing hotter with each second as breaths and tongues were exchanged, the taste of the other lingering in both mouths. his grip on you tightened, your eyes screwing closed even tighter, the torrid and prolonged kiss becoming lewd with moans and whines. K' pulled you farther into his lap, his hips working to grind himself against you. heat pooled into your gut as you felt your panties dampen, your body shaking with anticipation. K's tongue felt so warm and fat on yours, his lips moving with yours to form sloppy kisses.

K' slowly pulled away from your mouth, moving to your neck to suck on the tender skin there. he kissed your throat gently, whispering a lustful "do you like this?" on your heated skin. you felt his tongue move from your larynx to the meeting point of your trachea and your mandible. K' kissed downwards, then, back towards your clavicle. "i bet you fucking love this." K' sucked on the side of your neck, nipping at the tender flesh that protected your jugular, eliciting a breathy mewl, letting it pass from your lips, little babbles making their way out alongside whimpers.

"you want more, brat?" he grasped the other side of your jugular dangerously, applying pressure against the vein with his single hand, murmuring against the previously suckled skin. your vision slowly grew fuzzy as your hearing went out slightly, the sensation giving you a pseudo-high. "do you? use your words. i don't take silence for an answer, and you of all people should know that."

you stammered over syllables for a moment or two before stuttering out a weak, "yes, p-please..." you felt the menacing, yet rare, smile form on K's warm lips as he let go of your neck. K's big, thick hands found their place on your waist as you moved to straddle him. he leaned against the headboard behind him, dragging you against his clothed erection. he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth, watching you move gently, your hips rolling in unison with his grasp. 

you watched as he threw his head back, his teeth nearly drawing blood from his plump lip. K' sighed, his brows furrowing with every moment. his fingers dug into your sides, K's pace quickened, his grip bruising your skin through your pants. abruptly, he stopped. "hold on, now." he muttered, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his skin-tight leather pants. you could see the thick bulge through his boxers, still shocking you to the core. he grinned bashfully, watching your eyes flicker from his cock to his face, and back down to his cock. "i always know you like what you see." he said confidently. 

you nodded shyly, palming his cock through the fabric. his body was receptive to your soft touch. he let out a gruff "mhm," lazily watching you stall the inevitable. he knew he was going to fuck you, whether you want him to do you there and then or not, you'd succumb to him. you'd accept him, he knew you would. he knows what his body does to you. this is definitely what friends do, and they feel this way for each other, right?

he feels somewhat "anxious" every time you're around, but K' could never admit it to you. he could never tell you how cute you look in any other way, but this one. he could never admire your beauty openly like he could when you're on his dick, how gorgeous you are when you let him fuck you. he doesn't know any better, and he sure as hell doesn't know how to say it to you personally without using his body. but whatever works, yeah?

you're just so sweet, he truly couldn't help himself. slowly, you pulled his boxers down, freeing his pretty dick from its confines. lust flooded your senses as his cock twitched in your grasp. your hand moved itself on his shaft, dragging up and down, precum bubbling at his tip.

"kiss it." K' demanded. following his stern direction, you leaned your head down to plant a kiss on his aching tip. "stay there." he followed up, his left hand grabbing the back of your head to keep it there, his right now on his cock. K' slapped his tip against your lips, then your cheek, and moved his grabbing hand to cup your cheek and open your mouth with his thumb. you complied eagerly, opening your mouth, and staring at him through your eyebrows. K' slid his tip between your lips, slowly guiding the rest of his shaft into your jaws. K' crooned, the feeling of your tongue licking his thick shaft and the warmth of your mouth fogging his judgment. 

you continued to lick down his shaft, gagging on his sheer length, his scent flooding your senses. your hand moved to his base, stroking it slowly with your dominant hand. 

“that’s it, angel.” he purred, watching you go down on him. you eagerly licked his cock, sliding it between your lips repeatedly. a small smile began to form on his face as you swirled your tongue around his tip. slowly, you pulled away, pawing at his cock, asking for more stimulation.

“please, K’, please?” you pleaded, your wet pussy begging to be stretched by his girth.

he said nothing in response. he pulled you closer into his lap, pulling off your pants alongside your panties. what was left was your bare form, your body which he had seen before has not lost its spark. K’ still gets riled up every time he sees your body, your entire self, so vulnerable. there’s something quite erotic about you that gets him off, nothing in the world can compare to the effect, or detriment, it had on his mind and his own body.

“i got you, baby, hold on.” he muttered somewhat incoherently. you adjusted your hips to be atop his, eagerly awaiting his entry inside of you. you silently gazed while he adjusted his cock, slapping your entrance a couple times with his thick, lengthy dick, aligning his tip to your entry point. you drew in a breath, feeling the tip poke at your leaky pussy. a small whimper left you as he pushed in, his hands now resting on your ass, guiding your hips down onto his hardened cock.

what felt like searing pain quickly ebbed into pleasure as he slipped inside you with relative ease. moans passed through your lips as he moved in you, pumping his shaft into you like you’re his cocksleeve. his nails dug into your flesh as he quickened his pace, fucking into you steadily with his girthy dick.

“oh, oh, K’, fuck…” you whined, “it’s— it’s so good…” you threw your head back, saliva escaping from the corner of your mouth.

“you got it, pretty baby. yeah, fuck,” he smiled at you encouragingly, watching you lose yourself on his cock. one of his hands moved to your inner hip to rub your aching clit, eliciting more lewd moans and noises from you, “that’s my bitch.”

K’ quickened his pace, ramming into you again, as he too, lost himself within you. your body, your eyes, your soul, it was all too much for him. he fucking loved it, didn’t he? no, no, he adored every single bit of it, every bit of you. love was an understatement. oh, god, what was he thinking? is it so wrong to think of you this way? what had gotten into him?

you. you got to him.

just the thought of you brought him to the edge, just as he is now, thrusting himself into you. fucking as much of his dick as he could possibly fit into you, panting and moaning at the divine sight of you nude, taking him of all people. fucking you absolutely insane while you take it raw…

it was all too good for him, he was gonna come, and soon.

“angel, i’m close, i’m really gonna come…” he panted, spanking you as you ground your hips onto his.

“me too, K’, oh— i’m… i’m really fuckin’ close…”

without warning, K’ moaned loudly, letting you finish right as he did, hugging and squeezing your waist as your hips spasmed and stuttered on his cock from your orgasm. the abstraction of the mind and pleasure washing over you overwhelming your senses. your orgasm ebbed and flowed through you, K’s cum seeping from inside you outwards.

but that was just a few days ago…

[blueskrugs]

Written in the Sand | Tyson Jost

it’s finally here! I started this fic in September, thinking it would be a cute couple thousand words, and then finally finished it four months and almost 30,000 words later. 

huge thank you to @antoineroussel​ who held my hand through a lot of this and also did the hard work of beta reading and editing all of this. 

recommended listening: Written in the Sand by Old Dominion (where else would I get title and inspo from?), Colder Weather by Zac Brown Band, and The Dance by Garth Brooks.

length: 29.8k words (lol)

this fic has now been broken into chapters for easier reading 

Are we written in the stars, baby, or are we written in the sand?

Tyson never meant to catch feelings. Really. It was supposed to be a one-night stand. Then it happened again, and again, and somewhere along the line it turned into regular hooking up. And, well, anyone would tell you that Tyson wore his heart on his sleeve. It wasn’t long before he was falling fast and hard. 

Tyson looked across the couch at where she was dozing, wearing one of his T-shirts. His birthday was in a few days. He’d already resolved to ask her out for real before then. This stupid not-quite-friends-with-benefits shit was getting old. It needed to end one way or another, for Tyson’s sanity—and his heart. If he was going to get his heart broken anyway, why prolong the inevitable?

But he was getting ahead of himself. 

November

It’s early in the season, too early to be celebrating wins the way they are. But they blew out the Canucks and the Sharks in consecutive games and don’t have another one for four days, so Gabe dragged them all out to a bar. There’s something special about this team, Tyson can feel it, and so can the rest of the guys.

Which is how Tyson finds himself a couple beers and a shot or two deep on a Saturday night in November, with JT squished against his side in the booth. The team is extra loud to account for the fact that they’re in a crowded bar; EJ is across the table chirping Andre about something or other. Tyson settles in and takes another drink of his beer. 

JT elbows him in the ribs. Tyson elbows him back harder on principle. 

“No, idiot, there’s a cute girl over there,” JT says.

“You have a girlfriend,” Tyson says, not following. He tries to figure out which girl JT is talking about, but there’s a lot of girls in the bar. 

“You don’t,” JT points out, and, oh. 

“I’m not really looking for anything,” Tyson says, because it’s true. Especially not some hookup with a girl in a bar. He doesn’t really roll that way. He really wants to focus on having a good season here. He still doesn’t know which girl JT is talking about.

Gabe, the nosy asshole, leans over Cale to give his two cents. “Josty, I think you need another beer.”

Tyson glares at his unfortunately almost-empty beer bottle. He glances over at the bar again. This time, a girl catches his eye and gives him a small smile over her friend’s shoulder. She is kind of cute, Tyson supposes. Tyson heaves a sigh and elbows JT again to force him out of the booth. A small cheer goes up. He flips them off without turning around. 

It’s even more crowded at the bar, but Tyson manages to squeeze in near the girl and lean against the bar while he waits for a bartender. The person on his left leaves with their drink, and then he’s next to the girl. He wishes he knew her name. She smiles at him again. 

He’s about to lean in and introduce himself when a bartender comes over and asks for his order. She’s smirking at him when he turns back.

“All the beers in the world, and you’re drinking Coors?” she asks. She has to lean in close to be heard, and Tyson doesn’t mind it. He makes an outraged noise, which only makes her grin grow. “I’m Madison,” she says. 

“Listen, Madison,” Tyson starts, but he doesn’t actually have a great argument. He’s just not very picky when it comes to beers. He closes his mouth. Madison laughs at him and takes a sip of her drink. “And what’re you drinking, huh?” Something with a lime wedge on it. Red, maybe. The dim lighting makes it extra hard to see colors.

“All beer is gross, first of all,” she says. “Second of all, it’s a vodka cran.”

“Can I buy you another?” Tyson asks. Her glass is less vodka cran and more ice at this point.

On Madison’s other side, her friend groans. Tyson probably deserves that. Madison rolls her eyes at him. He deserves that, too.

“Real smooth,” she says. Tyson winks at her. “I don’t even know your name,” she points out. Oh, yeah.

“I’m Tyson,” he says. He sticks out a hand for handshake, and Madison takes it, though she raises an eyebrow and laughs at him again as she does it. 

“Okay, Tyson,” Madison says, “you can buy me a drink.” Tyson thinks she sounds amused. 

Tyson fist pumps and turns back to catch the attention of one of the bartenders again. 

Drinks procured, Tyson loses track of time as he chats with Madison, as much as they can over the din and constant jostling. By the time they’re both finished, Madison’s pressed close to Tyson’s side. She’s looking up at him expectantly. 

Fuck it, Tyson thinks. He leans close and settles a hand on Madison’s hip. “Can I take you home?” he asks.

Madison slides a hand around the back of his neck. Her nails scratch the curls at the nape of his neck, and Tyson suppresses a shiver in a warm, crowded bar. 

“God, I thought you were never going to ask,” she says. 

Some of the guys are still posted up at tables in the corner. He’d forgotten about them. He hears a few jeers over the din of the crowd, and he flips them off with the hand that’s not clutching one of Madison’s. 

“Friends of yours?” she asks, looking over her shoulder at the cluster of rowdy hockey players, letting Tyson drag her towards the door.

“Unfortunately,” Tyson says, once they’re safely out the door, and he can talk at a normal volume again. “Can I kiss you?” he blurts, pausing in trying to fish his car keys out of his pocket.

Madison laughs again, but it’s not mean. Tyson likes it, the way she already seems comfortable teasing him. She doesn’t answer, instead just slides her hand around Tyson’s neck again and pulls him down to kiss her. Tyson’s dizzy with the feeling of her lips warm against his, there in the middle of the sidewalk. He makes himself pull away.

“Fuck,” he breathes.

Madison lets Tyson keep a hand on her thigh as he drives, edging up under the hem of her shorts. He’s dying to be able to kiss her again. She lets him as soon as she’s out of the car and pressed up against the passenger door. Then again, in the elevator until they’re both breathless, and even more once they’re safely inside Tyson’s apartment. Against the front door, tripping over themselves down the hallway, and, finally, finally, twisted up in Tyson’s sheets. 

Madison stirs next to Tyson, knocking him out of his bask in the afterglow. Her hair, once nicely curled, is a mess. Tyson’s probably doesn’t look much better, actually.

“I should go,” she whispers.

Tyson wants to argue. To tell her she can stay. But that’s too much, too strange. He rolls over to kiss her again, instead. She pushes him away with a soft giggle.

“Not helping,” she says. She sits up. “Can I use your bathroom?”

“Yeah, course,” Tyson says, nodding too hard. Madison slips out of bed and collects her clothes. If Tyson watches her ass as she goes, who’s to blame him?

He’s dozing when she re-emerges, fully dressed and a little less disheveled. 

“Can I get your phone number?” Tyson asks without thinking. That’s not what this was supposed to be. He told JT he wasn’t looking for anything just a few hours ago. He just knows he wants to see Madison again.

She hesitates. Tyson understands. 

“I’d really like to see you again,” Tyson says, maybe too honest for a hookup, but it’s late. He can’t be blamed for the things he says after 1 AM. “And it’s late, I’d sleep better if I know you got home okay.”

Tyson can see the moment she gives in. Madison sighs and steps closer to the bed, but there’s something soft in her eyes when she looks at Tyson. 

“Where’s your phone?” she asks. Tyson reaches for his bedside table out of habit. His phone never made it there in their haste to get into bed. He turns back to face Madison, sheepish.

“I don’t know, actually.” Probably still in the back pocket of his jeans, but he can’t remember if he stopped to take it out and set it somewhere, either. 

Madison sighs at him again and shakes her head. Tyson watches as she scoops his jeans off the floor and digs through them before coming up with his phone. He probably should have done that himself, but Madison tosses it at him before he can push the sheets away from where they’re pooling at his waist. Tyson isn’t expecting it and fumbles the phone. He has to dig it back out before he can unlock it and toss it back to Madison. 

She catches it with ease, and Tyson sticks his tongue out at her. Show-off. She ignores him, thumb swiping idly through his apps until she finds his contacts. She types for a moment, oddly serious. Her own phone vibrates in her other hand. She throws the phone back at Tyson. He doesn’t drop it this time. 

He unlocks his phone to see that Madison’s made herself a contact—just her first name and a smiley face typed out— and texted herself—a little blue bubble that just says, tyson.

She checks her phone again. “I really should go,” she says softly. “My ride’s here,” she adds.

“Wait,” Tyson says. He reaches out a hand, wraps his fingers around her wrist when she steps closer and tugs her down so he can kiss her one last time. “‘Kay, now you can go,” he whispers.

Madison cups his cheek and gives him one quick peck, then she’s out the door.

Tyson’s not quite asleep when his phone vibrates next to him, and she slaps at it, squinting at it in the dark. A text from Madison reads, home x. Tyson falls asleep smiling. 

He almost expects that to be the end of it. He knows he said he wanted to see Madison again, but he’s not sure either of them are going to follow up on it. The Avs’ schedule gets busy—away, then back home, then gone again.

But it happens again. Tyson’s high on another win when he dials Madison’s phone number. It rings long enough that Tyson thinks she’s not going to answer.

“Hello?” Madison says, startling Tyson. 

“Oh,” he says. He didn’t think he’d get this far. 

“Tyson?”

“Are you busy tonight?” he blurts. It’s a Saturday night, he’s expecting her to say that she’s going out with friends or something. Tyson’s just getting home from the game himself. 

He’s surprised when she says, “Not really.”

“Oh,” Tyson says again. He pulls his tie off over his head and tosses it aside. 

“Tyson? This is a booty call, isn’t it?”

“Uh. Maybe?” Tyson says. “Is it working?” Tyson surveys his apartment. He’d cleaned before leaving for Dallas, and he’s barely been home long enough to make a mess again. Though, his unpacked suitcase is exploding in the corner of his room where he dumped it when they got in late the night before. 

“God, you’re so bad at flirting,” Madison says. Unfortunately, she’s endeared by it. “I can be there in like thirty minutes, text me your address.” 

Tyson fist pumps when he hangs up the call. He frantically texts Madison before going to change into sweats. He’s fidgeting restlessly on his couch when Madison calls him again thirty-six minutes later. 

“Can you let me up?” she asks.

“Oh, shit, yeah,” he says. He doesn’t bother with shoes, just swipes his keys from his kitchen island and heads downstairs.

Madison’s waiting awkwardly in his lobby when Tyson steps off the elevator. She spots him and grins when he waves at her. She wants to hug him, for some reason, when he approaches her, but that’s not what they are, so she settles for taking his hand and twining their fingers together when he reaches out for her. 

Tyson doesn’t pin her against the elevator wall to kiss her after the doors close behind them, but Madison can tell he wants to. She squeezes his hand, and Tyson pulls her into his side.

“Little excited, huh?” Madison teases, looking at Tyson’s feet.

He wiggles his socked toes and grins at Madison. 

“Well, duh,” he says. The elevator doors open again. Tyson all but drags Madison towards his apartment. He’s kissing her before the door is shut all the way. They stumble over to Tyson’s couch, and Tyson’s pulling Madison into his lap before he’s even settled. She lets him kiss her for a few minutes before she pulls away.

“Is this going to become a thing every time you guys win?” she gasps. 

“You know who I am?” Tyson doesn’t ask, resting his forehead on Madison’s shoulder to catch his breath. “You watch hockey?” he asks instead. He’s not sure it’s a better question than the one he didn’t ask. 

Madison twists her fingers in the hair at the base of Tyson’s neck. “Not avidly. I really didn’t know who you were the first time, but my friends and I were out the other night, and I saw you on TV.” She tugs a little on his hair, and Tyson tilts his head back to look at her. She’s watching his face closely, waiting for his reaction.

Tyson’s relieved, in a weird way, that she didn’t know who he was when they hooked up the first time. He’s just not sure how he feels now that she’s back in his lap, and evidently knows he plays for the Avalanche. Madison’s unwavering, looking steadily back at Tyson. 

“What, so you’re just fucking me because I’m a hockey player now?” he jokes, or tries to joke. He thinks it falls flat.

Madison laughs. “No, you idiot, I’m fucking you because you’re kinda cute.” She rolls her eyes, and Tyson pouts a little. “I told you, I didn’t know who you were the first time. I’m not chasing anything, Tys. Besides, if I were chasing hockey players, I’m sure there are single Avs players who score more goals,” she teases.

“Hey, I scored a goal tonight!” Tyson protests. 

“I know, baby,” she says, kissing him quickly. 

“Did you look up my stats?” Tyson asks, distracted. 

“I like you, okay?” Madison says, ignoring him. “Wouldn’t be here for any other reason.”

Tyson has to kiss her again. They don’t end up making it to the bedroom. 

“Do you have to go?” Tyson whines, watching Madison sit up and search for her clothes. Tyson thinks her T-shirt ended up behind his couch.

Madison pauses. Tyson’s curls are a disaster, and Madison kind of wants to mess them up more. “And what exactly would we do if I stayed?” she asks, eyebrows raised. She threads her fingers into Tyson’s hair, tugs once, because she can. 

Tyson blushes a little. “I dunno, watch a movie?” Madison makes a face. Tyson’s phone got buried in the couch cushions, and he fishes it out to look at the time. “Okay, I guess it is kinda late.” Tyson’s stomach growls. “Do you want to order pizza?” he asks instead. 

Madison finds her shirt and checks the time on her own phone. “I really should get home,” she says, apologetic. “I hate getting Ubers late at night.” 

“You can spend the night,” Tyson says without thinking. At the look on Madison’s face, he says instead, ”Or, I could drive you home. Whatever.” 

“‘Whatever,’” Madison scoffs, shaking her head. But she grins at Tyson and pulls her shirt over her head. Tyson briefly mourns the loss of her bare chest. “I guess I could go for pizza,” she says. 

“Wait, for real?” Tyson asks. He realizes he probably sounds too eager. 

“Don’t make me change my mind,” Madison warns, but her smile is playful. 

She’s still standing next to the couch, and Tyson has to pull her back into his lap. She giggles as she settles across Tyson’s thighs. He kisses her cheek, the corner of her mouth, before she turns her head and captures his lips with her own. They kiss for long minutes, Tyson doesn’t know, time slowed down and unimportant. That is, until Tyson remembers he’s hungry and has to pull away. 

“Pizza?” he asks, somewhat nonsensically, panting a little. 

Madison kisses him again. Tyson tightens his grip on her hips, but pushes her away. “As long as you order pepperoni.” She slides off Tyson’s lap and slumps onto the couch next to Tyson.

Madison suddenly realizes that she’s tired, her eyes feeling heavy as she watches Tyson order pizza. She considers for a second, before carefully poking him in the ribs with her toes. Tyson doesn’t flinch. Madison stretches and settles with one of her feet across Tyson’s lap. He drops his hand to her ankle without looking down, thumb rubbing small circles across the bone absently. Madison closes her eyes and dozes. 

She’s woken up again by Tyson gripping her foot and shaking it. She’s melted further into the couch cushions, bones heavy with exhaustion. Tyson smiles at her.

“Pizza’s here, babe,” he says softly.

Sure enough, there’s a pizza box resting on the coffee table. It smells enticing enough to rouse Madison the rest of the way. She reaches a hand out, intending for Tyson to give her a piece of pizza, but he wraps his fingers around hers and pulls her to sit up. She leans into Tyson’s side. He laughs quietly and drapes an arm across her shoulders. Madison could probably fall back asleep like this, Tyson warm and solid next to her. Tyson hands her a slice of pizza, and Madison’s actually too hungry to resist. 

Tyson turns on some show on Netflix while they eat. Neither of them are paying much attention, but it fills in the silence nicely. It’s cold and dark outside, the city of Denver sleepy, but inside Tyson’s apartment, it’s cozy and warm. 

It’s dangerous waking up next to Madison the next morning. It’s something Tyson could get used to far too easily. Madison’s still asleep when he rolls over in the early morning light. She’s rolled over to face him in her sleep, face soft and hair a mess. Tyson’s not sure what time it is. He should maybe get up, but he’s not in any rush. 

Madison blinks awake to find Tyson watching her. She rubs at her eyes and rolls onto her back.

“Whatchu lookin’ at?” she mumbles. She turns her head back to look at Tyson. 

Tyson grins lazily back at her. “You, duh.” 

Madison facewashes him. Tyson grabs her wrist and wrenches her hand away, cackling. “You’re the worst,” she says over his laughter. 

Tyson scoots closer and sticks a foot in between Madison’s legs. No ulterior motive, just wanting to be close. Okay, maybe a teeny bit of ulterior motive: Tyson’s toes are cold. He’d wheedled Madison into wearing a pair of his sweatpants and a T-shirt before they’d fallen asleep. She looks like she belongs in Tyson’s bed. 

Madison watches Tyson closely as he settles back in. She tries to read the expression on his face, the small smile on his lips. She’s not sure what any of it means.

“So what next?” she asks softly. Two hook-ups and a sleepover does not a relationship make. 

Tyson knows what she’s asking. He runs through their upcoming schedule in his head. They’re about to leave for a week. That’s about as far as he gets. They can worry about all that later. All he knows that he wants, no, he needs to see Madison again. 

What he says now is, “Breakfast?” 

December

Madison doesn’t hear much from Tyson for a while after that. It’s not like she expected to, really. She knows the Avalanche went on another long road trip, and it’s not like they need to be texting each other constantly. 

Madison finds herself checking the Avalanche box scores after each game. Tyson gets two goals while they’re gone. Not that she’s counting, or anything. 

Tyson means to call. He really does. Or even text some. But in the air somewhere over Canada, he realizes he’s never actually talked much with Madison. He doesn’t know anything about her, unless you count what she’s like in bed. He’s never been good at small talk, or the talking phase. Which, when he thinks about it, is probably why he’s still single. 

It’s not until he’s staring down three and a half weeks of nothing but practices that Tyson picks up his phone again. 

Madison answers faster than he’d expected. “You’re not bored already, are you?” she asks. “It’s only been two days since you had a game.”

It’s only been one day since their last game, actually. Tyson whines into the phone. “Yes, I’m bored, okay?” Madison laughs at him. Tyson makes a face, even though she can’t see it. “We never get this much time off, it’s weird,” he goes on. “What am I supposed to do?”

“You’re a smart boy, Tyson,” Madison teases. “Went to college and everything, I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”

That’s not to say that Tyson doesn’t have ideas, and he thinks Madison knows what he’s angling for because she’s not a fool. She’s really going to make him work for this one. 

“I mean, I guess I could watch some movies or start a new TV show,” Tyson hedges. 

“Watch The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings trilogies,” Madison says absently. “Could get you through a good couple of days.”

Tyson takes his opening. “You could always come over and watch them with me,” he says. 

Madison groans, as if they both didn’t see where this conversation was going. “You’re terrible,” she tells him. 

“No, really, we can just hang out,” Tyson says. And if hanging out leads to other things, well. “Don’t you have teammates you can hang out with or something?” Madison asks, skeptical. 

“I see them literally every day”—Madison laughs again—“and I want to see you,” Tyson adds. “Really.” 

Madison pauses on the other end of the line. “Fine,” she says finally. “Should I pack a bag?” 

Tyson freezes. He hadn’t gotten that far in his scheming. Never considered Madison would even want to spend that much time with him this weekend. He’s quiet long enough that Madison says something.

“Tyson?” she says softly.

Tyson shakes himself, tries to get his brain back online. “I, uh, I mean. I guess? You can, if—if you want?” he stammers. It’s Friday afternoon. He still has some practices over the weekend, but the long break between games suddenly seems less daunting with the prospect of Madison staying over, staying in his bed.

“I’ll be over soon, okay?” Madison says. 

Tyson isn’t sure if he manages to say anything else before she ends the call. Fuck. He’s getting the sense for the first time that he’s in over his head. He isn’t so sure he minds, actually. 

The weekend passes quickly once Madison’s there, though Tyson swears time slows down when he’s with her. They do actually end up watching The Lord of the Rings movies—which Madison had proudly produced from one of her bags, along with several packs of microwave popcorn, which had sent Tyson into a laughing fit— in between falling into bed (or the couch, more than once) and Tyson dragging himself out of the apartment to get to skate. 

“We really should do The Hobbit first, since those come first chronologically, but other than the first one, they’re not as good,” Madison explains at one point, gesturing with a handful of popcorn. Tyson just nods. “And we could have probably had a proper marathon and watched all the movies, but that’s like twenty hours, and I figured you had other plans, anyway.” She looks sidelong at Tyson, one eyebrow raised.

“You’re kind of a nerd, you know that?” Tyson asks later, breathless from making out. He’s pressing Madison into the couch cushions, their legs tangled together underneath a blanket. He’s aiming for light, teasing, but he’s not sure he quite gets there.

Madison tugs on the hair at the nape of Tyson’s neck. “Yeah, but you like me anyway.” Madison’s smirking a little. 

Tyson absolutely does like her anyway. It might make him like her more, actually.

Madison’s standing at the kitchen counter with the last of her coffee on Sunday morning when Tyson comes up and presses himself against her back, pinning her in place. He presses a kiss to the spot where Madison’s neck meets her shoulder. Madison tilts her head to the side some. With better access, Tyson drags a line of kisses down her neck and across the top of her shoulder.

Madison sets her coffee mug down on the counter with shaky hands before she drops it. 

“Are you sure you can’t stay longer?” Tyson mumbles into Madison’s skin. 

From this angle, Tyson can see the hickey on Madison’s collarbone from the day before. He’s got one to match, somewhere. He wants to get his mouth on it again, make it darker, make sure it’s there for days. 

Tyson feels it more than he hears it when Madison laughs. She reaches up and drapes an arm backwards over his shoulder, holding him in place as much as he’s pinning her. 

“Sorry, bud, but some of us have to get back to the real world,” she says. She doesn’t make any effort to move. 

Tyson bites her shoulder, gently, but pulls away. “Same time next week?” he asks next, only half a joke. 

Madison turns around and looks at Tyson. “Tyson, next week is Christmas.”

“Fuck, is it?” Tyson tries to remember what day it is. His family is coming to town this year. He should probably put some effort into decorating his apartment, then. 

Madison just shakes her head at him. Tyson wonders if his mom and Kacey will be able to look at him and know what’s going on in his heart. 

Tyson’s apartment feels empty without Madison in it when he gets back from practice later that afternoon. She’d filled in all the quiet spaces Tyson didn’t realize it had—a spare throw blanket strewn across the couch, her makeup bag overflowing on his bathroom counter, an extra set of dirty dishes in the sink. 

He misses her. More than he should, probably. Huh.

This was never supposed to be anything. Just a hook-up from the bar. Now Madison’s spending weekends at his place, and Tyson wants to see her all the time. He should’ve seen it coming, maybe. He’d never been good at flings. 

He thinks about calling Madison, but that seems like too much. He’s been told he can be too much, sometimes. He puts his phone back down, flops face down onto his couch for a while, instead. 

Tyson spends the next few days doubling down on getting ready for Christmas. He had, in fact, forgotten that it was coming up so soon, and he still needed to get presents for his grandpa and sister. He digs out his meager box of Christmas decorations and sets them up around his apartment. It’s not very much, but it does go a long way towards making the apartment feel a bit more like home. 

He holds off on texting Madison until Wednesday. He shouldn’t have; his family’s flying in later this evening. They’ll be in town all week, and Tyson might actually go insane if he can’t see Madison, get his hands on her again until after the new year. 

If Tyson ends up picking up his family with sex hair, well. They probably didn’t notice. He’d shoved a ball cap on, anyway, though Kacey still raised her eyebrows at him in the rearview as she slid into the backseat next to their mom. He’d flip her off if he could, but his grandpa is right there.

Tyson makes it through the holiday without an interrogation from his mom and sister, but he knows it’s coming. The blanket Madison had left behind is still laying across the couch, and Kacey’s been curled up under it more often than not. Madison texts Tyson on Christmas morning, a simple merry Christmas! with a heart emoji that has Tyson grinning stupidly at his phone. Kacey clears her throat loudly, on the floor next to Tyson. He feels himself blushing as he fumbles to lock his phone and drop it face down next to him. His mom and sister share a look over his head. 

Madison texts again a few days after Christmas, asking if Tyson wants to grab lunch and hangout. Tyson does, obviously, but he has to figure out how to dodge his family for a few hours, first.

“I’m gonna go workout, I think,” Tyson announces. He needs to find his shoes, a water bottle. He is restless, too many days off in a row. 

Kacey looks up from her computer. “Oh, can I come? I’m supposed to be working out over break, too,” she says. 

“Uh,” Tyson says, trying to stall. He should’ve thought this through better. Kacey raises an eyebrow at him. “I was actually hoping for some time alone, y’know?” Kacey’s other eyebrow raises. 

“Are you saying you’re tired of us?” his mom asks, teasing. 

Tyson’s phone vibrates in his pocket. Madison again. He hasn’t had a chance to respond to her yet. He hates lying to his mom, but he still says, “Yes? No?” Tyson’s never been one to need space. “I just—”

“It’s okay, Tys,” his mom says gently. “Have a good workout, sweetheart.” 

Tyson doesn’t linger, grabbing his coat and shoving his feet into the first pair of shoes he sees on his way out the front door. He texts Madison that he’s on his way in the elevator. He does pick up lunch for both of them, too, on his way over to Madison’s place. He’s thoughtful like that. 

It takes just about all of Tyson’s self-control to actually sit next to Madison on her couch and eat first.

“How’d you ditch your mom and sister?” Madison asks eventually, eyes still on the TV, playing some random Hallmark Christmas movie. 

Tyson swallows. “Told them I was working out,” he admits.

Madison turns to smirk at him. “Working out, huh?” she asks, laughter in her voice. 

Tyson nudges her knee with his foot. “It’s not entirely a lie,” he points out. His lunch is practically finished anyway, so he sets it aside and slides closer to Madison. “I think they’re on to me, though.” He never could hide anything from the people he loves. 

Madison swings her feet into Tyson’s lap. She’s still eating, and Tyson’s about fifteen seconds away from taking her lunch from her and just kissing her. His leg bounces—his restless energy has only gotten worse since landing on Madison’s couch—until Madison digs her heel into his thigh, forcing him to stop. 

She’s looking at him carefully. “Would that be such a bad thing?” she asks. “People knowing about us?”

Tyson considers. It’s not like there’s anything to keep a secret, really. He realizes that no one even knows that he and Madison had hooked up more than just that night at the bar. He hadn’t realized how close he’d been keeping them to his chest. 

Madison’s still waiting for an answer. Tyson squeezes her ankle where it’s still draped across his lap. “I guess not, actually,” he says. 

Madison grins at him and, finally, finally, sets aside the remnants of her lunch. Tyson slides his hands up Madison’s legs, underneath her thighs, and drags her into his lap, finally, finally, getting his mouth on hers. 

Kacey and his mom are waiting for Tyson when he sheepishly slips in his front door an hour later. Kacey’s smirking, leaned up against the counter with her arms crossed. Tyson could kill her. He tugs the collar of his hoodie up, hoping it covers the hickey Madison left on his collarbone. 

“Good workout, Tys?” Kacey asks. Tyson flips her off. Even their mom smacks her arm in reprimand. 

“Great, actually,” Tyson says, allowing himself a moment of smugness in spite of his embarrassment. He hopes he’s not blushing. Kacey laughs. 

“If you’ve gotten yourself a girlfriend, Tyson, you know you could always bring her around,” his mom says gently. Tyson winces. He really hates lying to his mom. And he definitely could not just bring Madison around.

“Yeah,” Kacey chimes in, “I want to meet whoever’s got you sneaking around like an idiot.”

“She’s not—it’s not like that,” Tyson rushes to say. “We’re taking it slow, I guess.” He’s definitely blushing now, his face warm under the matching gazes of his mom and sister. He forces himself to shrug, hands shoved in his hoodie pocket. “We’re just…friends,” he finishes lamely. 

Kacey and his mom pin Tyson with matching pitying, yet disbelieving looks. Tyson hunches his shoulders, nervous underneath their gazes. He thinks of Madison telling him that it’s okay if people know about them. Thinks about having to tell his mom and baby sister that he’s just fucking around with a girl he thinks he could fall in love with, given the chance. He decides against it, for now. 

Tyson shrugs again. “I mean it,” he says. “It’s not really anything right now. I don’t know.” 

He escapes to his bedroom for a shower and to bury his head under a pillow for a while, until he feels like he can face his family again.

The days seem to pass more slowly after that. Tyson works out—for real, thank you very much— and watches way too many cooking shows with Kacey, curled up under a mountain of blankets on the couch. Tyson doesn’t know the last time he got to spend this much time with his family during hockey season. It’s nice, even as he starts getting restless again, anxious to be back on the ice with his teammates. 

There’s a team New Year’s Eve party at Gabe’s. It’s pretty chill, especially as far as team gatherings go, but Tyson maybe has a little too much to drink. He’s surrounded by happy teammates with their significant others, and he’s maybe feeling a little alone. He cracks open another beer.

It’s almost midnight when Tyson sinks onto a couch next to JT and slips out his phone. No notifications. He doesn’t know what he expected. Madison had posted on her story earlier in the night that she was celebrating with friends, too. Tyson stares at his phone for a moment. 

miss you, he carefully types out. It takes him longer than it should to get it right, drunk as he is, squinting at his phone and concentrating really hard on hitting the correct keys.

Madison responds quickly, way faster than Tyson had expected her to. The typing bubble appears almost immediately. Tyson waits.

miss you too tys, it says. Then, please drink some water. 

“Who the fuck is Josty texting?” EJ yells from across the room. Tyson realizes that he’s been smiling stupidly down at his phone. He makes to lock it and put it back away, but he’s not fast enough. JT grabs Tyson’s wrist and wrenches it around so he can see his screen. 

“Who’s Madison?” JT asks, quieter than EJ. He lets Tyson lock his phone, finally.

“She’s—” Tyson pauses. He doesn’t want to say that she’s no one, because that’s not really true. He doesn’t have any other word for her, either.

JT’s been watching Tyson’s face carefully. He knows better than anyone that Tyson isn’t good at hiding his emotions, and something must be showing on Tyson’s face now. JT’s eyebrows raise. 

“Is that the girl you brought home from the bar like a month ago?” JT asks. Tyson hesitates, pulling his hand free from JT’s grasp. Tyson’s hesitation is enough. “Oh my God, are you still fucking her?” 

Tyson winces. It sounds crass when JT says it like that. “We’ve hooked up a few more times,” he admits. JT doesn’t need to know about the number of times she’s slept over, too.

JT laughs at him, shaking his head. “‘Not really looking for anything,’ huh?” he teases, echoing Tyson’s own words from that night in the bar. Was it really only a month ago? Feels like Madison’s been in Tyson’s life way longer than that, with how quickly she’s taken over Tyson’s thoughts.

“I wasn’t!” Tyson protests. He shoves JT a little for good measure. He’s so drunk he doesn’t think it has the intended effect. JT just sways back into Tyson, leaning more of his weight on Tyson’s side. 

It’s almost midnight. Around them, teammates are moving around, finding someone to kiss. Someone’s opened champagne, someone else is passing full flutes around. Tyson takes one when it passes in front of him. JT digs his elbow into Tyson’s ribs one last time before getting up to find Sydney. 

Tyson’s left on the couch, alone. He pulls his phone back out as people begin counting down around him. Madison’s text comes through just as everyone starts cheering and the clock strikes midnight. Happy new year Tyson! 🖤 

Tyson closes his eyes and drains his glass of champagne. 

January

Tyson usually dreads January. It’s a long, cold, and dark month. The grind of the season feels like it’s at its…grindiest. The game days and travel days start to run into each other and turn into one exhausting, never-ending blur. Someone’s always getting sick, or injured, 

He’s perfectly happy to throw himself back into hockey when the new year finally rolls around after so many weeks without it, but he hates how quiet his apartment is without Kacey hanging around, being annoying. He leaves his Christmas decorations up, anything to make his apartment feel lived-in.

Tyson lasts until the team gets back from Chicago on the fifth before he calls Madison again. She doesn’t answer. Tyson stares at his phone after it goes through to voicemail, bewildered. That is, until Madison texts him back and reminds him that she has a “normal job with normal hours.” Right.

Madison calls Tyson back on her way home from work. His groggy, mumbled “‘ello?” makes Madison smile when he answers, voice tinny over her car’s speakers.

“Did I wake you?” she teases. 

Tyson scoffs, but says, “...yeah. Sorry for calling you earlier,” he adds. “I’d just gotten home and wasn’t thinking.” “You can’t just call at 10:30 in the morning on a Wednesday, Tyson,” she admonishes. 

“I know, I’m sorry, I was just—” missing you. Tyson dismisses that thought. Too earnest. “I was just bored,” he finishes. Not much better, actually. 

Madison’s quiet for a while, focused on driving. She realizes she should figure out where she’s actually headed. “Were you calling for any particular reason earlier?” she asks. “I was beginning to think you’d forgotten about me.”

“I could never forget you,” Tyson says quickly. “I just wanted to see you,” he admits after another moment. 

Madison turns on her blinker at a red light. She should be turning left, towards her apartment. She turns right, towards Tyson’s place. “Did you want me to come over,” she asks, wanting to hear Tyson say it.

“I mean, obviously, yeah. I can make us dinner.”

Madison laughs. “Oh, sure, you’re gonna make me some toaster waffles, huh?” She had seen the Instagram stories. “You really know how to woo a girl, Tys.”

She can practically feel Tyson’s playful outrage on the other end of the phone. He sputters for a minute before saying, “Okay, I can order us dinner.” 

Madison’s almost to Tyson’s apartment building. She hates that she already knows how to get there so easily. “Are you going to get your ass out of bed and meet me downstairs?” There’s the sound of something hitting the floor, like Tyson actually rolled out of bed.

“I’ll be right there!” Tyson says, before hanging up. The radio cuts back in, music playing softly to fill in the abrupt silence of the call ending. Madison parks and turns her car off, sitting in silence for a minute. She wonders just what the hell she’s doing, what she’s getting herself into. 

Tyson sprawls onto his couch and pulls Madison into his lap almost immediately after they’re both through the door. Madison rolls her eyes, but she goes willingly. Tyson’s perfectly content to just make out for a while, all sense of urgency gone as soon as he gets his hands on Madison. He’s not sure how long they’re there before he realizes something and pulls away.

“Have you ever been to an Avs game?” he asks.

“What?” Madison lost her shirt at some point, and Tyson’s thumb has been fiddling with one of her bra straps for the last several moments. She’s admittedly a little distracted. She processes what Tyson said. “Tyson, are you seriously thinking about hockey right now?” She tries to roll off his lap, but he digs his hands into her thighs and refuses to let her move.

“I’m always thinking about hockey, a little bit,” he defends. Madison rolls her eyes at him again. What Tyson had really been thinking about was introducing Madison to JT, then he’d remembered that she said she didn’t watch much hockey, and somehow that’s what had come out of his mouth. Madison still looks a little bit like she wants to smack him. “I told my best friend about you,” is what he ends up saying next. “He’s actually the one who pointed you out to me at the bar that night, and he wants to meet you for real.”

JT had actually said that, in between chirps about Tyson’s hooking up habits. Some of the other guys had picked it up, too, but Tyson wasn’t ready to subject Madison to them yet. Except maybe, like, Cale. And maybe after a game at the arena wasn’t the best place to introduce Madison to his friends, but Tyson could get tickets for Madison and a friend, ask Mel to introduce herself or something, and then meet Madison after with JT. 

Tyson realizes Madison hasn’t answered him. She’s still in his lap, but she’s tense. Tyson squeezes her thighs again. 

“You don’t have to, obviously,” he says softly. “I dunno, I just thought you might want to meet the guys.”

Madison relaxes a little. “You really want that?” she asks. 

Tyson can’t help but grin at her. He kisses her again, slowly. “I do.”

Later, when they’re sitting at Tyson’s little table eating dinner—that Tyson did actually cook, thank you very much—Madison knocks her ankle into Tyson’s. Tyson swallows his mouthful of food and traps her foot in between both of his. Madison had gotten re-dressed in one of Tyson’s sweatshirts, and Tyson’s doing his best to feel normal about it. 

“So, did you have a day in mind for me to come to a game, or had you not thought that far ahead?” Madison asks. 

Tyson tries to run through their upcoming schedule in his head. “Uh?” They’re home for a lot of January. “Next Friday, maybe? The…14th?” He can’t remember who they’re playing, but that’s not really important. Tyson squints over at the printout of their schedule he keeps on his fridge. “We wouldn’t be able to hang around because we fly out that night, I think.”

Madison looks faintly overwhelmed suddenly. It might be for the best that the guys will only be able to say hi briefly, actually. “Sure? Whatever you want, Tyson.”

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Tyson reminds her. He feels a bit as if he’s thrown her off the deep end, even though she’s the one who pushed Tyson to tell JT in the first place. 

Madison shakes her head. “No, it’s okay, I just didn’t really expect it.” 

Tyson pulls a face. “Maybe I’m tired of keeping you a secret.” He doesn’t know what he was trying so hard to protect, now. 

Madison stares at him for a long moment, face unreadable. Tyson stares back. Finally, Madison drops her fork with a clatter and leans across the table to kiss Tyson. The fierceness of the kiss surprises him, Madison’s lips hard against his, her hand sliding around the back of his neck. Tyson cups her cheek and tries to soften the kiss, but Madison pulls away just as quickly as she’d kissed him. 

Tyson blinks at her, bemused. He’s not sure what just happened. It feels significant somehow, something unspoken changing between them. Tyson turns back to his dinner.

Madison sees Tyson a few more times over the next week and a half before the game. Tyson acts the same, but Madison feels like she’s on edge, counting down the hours until Friday. Tyson doesn’t seem to notice.

“What the hell am I supposed to wear to a hockey game?” Madison complains over the phone to her older sister, Emma, who she’d asked to come with her on Friday. Emma just laughs at her. Madison’s seen what WAGs wear to games—cute outfits with leather pants and heels. Madison doesn’t own that type of shit, and she’s not really a WAG, besides. She doesn’t own a jersey, either, and it would probably be weird to wear a jersey that’s not Tyson’s anyway. Madison’s pixie pants from Old Navy and sensible work shoes aren’t going to cut it.

“What were you wearing when you met Tyson?” Emma asks, as if she doesn’t know they met in a bar.

Madison snorts. “Nothing that’s appropriate for a hockey game.” Madison regards the handful of sweaters she’s pulled from her closet. One of them is close enough to Avalanche burgundy, maybe. Somewhere in her dirty laundry is one of Tyson’s sweatshirts. Madison’s not bold enough to wear it.

Game day is overwhelming, to say the least. Tyson had gotten them good seats, but Madison’s not used to being around so many people, and it’s noisy all around her. It’s easier to follow the pace of the game in person than on TV, she learns, and her eyes follow Tyson whenever he’s on the ice.

Tyson scores a goal late in the first period, and Madison’s probably the one who cheers the loudest for him. 

Madison waits outside the arena for Tyson after the game. Her sister’s waiting in the car, telling Madison it was too cold to stand around. She watches some of the other players make their way past her and onto a waiting bus. It’s cold, and she hates Tyson briefly. It’s only another few minutes until Tyson appears, closely followed by someone. They’re arguing, but Tyson breaks off as soon as he sees Madison waiting for him.

Tyson forgets himself for a moment. He runs over to Madison and wraps his arms around her waist, picking her up and spinning her once. Madison laughs at him. He ignores JT snickering behind him in favor of leaning down and kissing Madison quickly. 

Madison’s blushing when he pulls away, but it might just be from the cold. 

“Nice goal tonight, babe,” Madison tells him. Tyson just shrugs. 

Behind them, JT clears his throat. Tyson kind of forgot about that part. He drapes an arm around JT’s shoulders and drags him closer. “This asshole is JT,” he tells Madison. “He’s one of my best friends.” To JT, he says, “This is Madison, be nice.”

JT scoffs. “I’m always nice.” He grins at Madison. “I’m also the reason Tyson went up to you at the bar, so I guess you could thank me for whatever’s going on here.” Tyson smacks him. 

“You can get on the bus now, actually,” Tyson says. JT’s laughing again as Tyson tries to elbow him out of the way. Madison’s smiling, too, though, amused by their antics. 

JT does leave, then, and Madison and Tyson are alone. Or, as alone as you can be with half of Tyson’s teammates watching them through the bus windows. Tyson steps closer to Madison.

“Thanks for tonight,” she says. Tyson barely did anything, but he’s not going to say that now. Tyson should really get on the bus, but he can’t tear himself away. Madison’s hand finds his, tangling their fingers together and squeezing once before letting go again. “Text me when you get to the hotel, yeah?”

Tyson has to kiss her again. “I will, I promise.” He really needs to go. One last kiss, pressed to Madison’s cheek this time, then Tyson forces himself to step away. Madison’s gone when he turns around as he steps on the bus. Tyson shakes himself and goes to find JT, flopping into the seat left open for him. 

“You’re in deep, bud,” JT says. Tyson glares at him. 

“God, I know.”

February

Tyson should be planning a vacation somewhere warm. That’s what most of his teammates are doing, with the All-Star break coming up in just a few days, everyone ready to escape winter in Colorado. What Tyson’s doing instead is texting Madison, trying to convince her to spend the week with him. 

He doesn’t understand why she’s being so resistant to the idea. She’s spent nights and weekends with him before. She’s spent more time around his friends, even sticking around the other night when JT and Cale crashed their evening. 

Fine I’ll just stay over at yours then, Tyson finally texts as a last resort. 

Madison leaves him on read for, like, two hours. He spends most of that time trying to figure out what he could have said to make her pull away so suddenly. 

Tyson’s this close to actually driving over to Madison’s to finish this conversation-slash-argument in person when she finally texts him back. 

I don’t think that’s a good idea either, Madison has texted. Tyson stares at it. Tries to type a response, deletes it. 

Before he can think much more about it, Tyson’s grabbing his car keys. He ends up driving aimlessly around Denver for a while before he heads towards Madison’s apartment. He’s worried he’s too upset to go straight over, that he’ll just start saying things he doesn’t mean out of frustration. 

He still knocks on Madison’s door a little too hard, maybe. She looks confused when she answers the door. Tyson realizes he probably should have given her a heads up. 

He’d planned what he wanted to say in the car, but what he blurts out instead is, “What, are you sleeping with someone else on the side?” Tyson could play it off as a joke any other time, but right now it comes out too accusing, too hurt. 

Madison’s face does something complicated before she grabs him by the wrist and hauls him inside. 

“What the fuck, no,” she says. “Tyson, what the fuck?” she repeats.

He crosses his arms. “I don’t get why you don’t want to spend the week off with me.” She’s already spent days at a time in his apartment. This week shouldn’t be any different. 

Madison’s always hated cuffing season, is the thing. Maybe it’s just because she usually finds herself lonely through the winter months. She’s not stupid, this thing with Tyson has an expiration date; if she’s being honest with herself; they’ve been pushing it ever since they extended all of this past a one night stand. With every day that passes, Madison feels herself falling just a little more for Tyson, and she feels the impending end creeping closer. She needs to put some space between them before she gets her heart broken.

She just doesn’t know that Tyson’s busy falling, too. 

Madison doesn’t know how to put all of that into words without blowing up her spot, though. She settles for saying, “I just need some space, I think.” It’s not exactly a lie. 

Tyson’s face falls, and Madison immediately wishes she could take the words back.

Tyson’s quiet for a moment before he quietly says, “I didn’t do anything, did I?”

“No, God, of course not,” Madison rushes to assure him. She tries to collect her thoughts. “It’s just that, with Valentine’s Day coming up, and winter ending, I don’t know, I think I need to figure out what I want.”

Tyson forgot about Valentine’s Day. He doesn’t even know their schedule that far out. He supposes they have been hurtling towards something they’ve yet to define lately. But, “Hey, we’ve got a good thing going right now, don’t we?” Madison nods hesitantly. “Who said anything about changing that?” Tyson’s heart has other ideas, but he can worry about that later. 

Madison takes a deep breath. “I guess,” she says, and Tyson grins at her. 

“I’ll drop the All-Star break thing if you want. I just wanted to spend some time with you.” He doesn’t spend a lot of time with people other than teammates. It’s nice to change things up. 

“Like you wouldn’t be calling me all the time to hook up, anyway,” Madison teases. Tyson can’t argue with that. 

He ends up sticking around for a while, sprawled across Madison’s couch with her tucked against his chest between his legs. Madison turns on The Hobbit, even though Tyson doesn’t think they quite managed to make it through The Return of the King the last time they had a Tolkien marathon. 

When he leaves later, pulling Madison in for a chaste kiss in the doorway, he realizes it’s the longest they’ve spent together without it ending in a hook-up. It’s kind of nice. 

Tyson does back off some after that. All-Star break is already upon them, anyway. He can handle winging it solo for a few days. Probably. 

Actually, now that he thinks about it, he hasn’t properly cleaned his apartment since their last long break back in December. The Avs have been home a lot in January, too, and his fridge is looking pretty bare these days.

He considers texting Madison and asking if she wants to tag along for his groceries, but he thinks that might be crossing the line of “too domestic.” He throws himself into cleaning and does his best to not think about texting her, instead.

It’s Madison who breaks the silence first. She lasts two days. She thought time and distance was what she needed, but that was before she realized how much she missed listening to Tyson chattering at her in between falling into bed. 

She texts, i’m coming over, before she can think better of it. She makes the now-familiar drive to Tyson’s apartment on autopilot. Tyson’s seen her text by the time she parks, and he readily buzzes her into the building. Madison doesn’t even have to knock when she gets to his door; Tyson jerks it open like he’s been waiting, beaming.

“Burky’s here,” he says, pulling Madison in for a kiss. Madison peers around Tyson. She hasn’t met Burky yet, but she vaguely recognizes the guy standing in the middle of Tyson’s living room as another teammate. 

“Hi,” he says. Awkward. Madison likes him.

“This is Madison,” Tyson announces, somewhat needlessly. His brain shorts out a bit after that, unsure what he can call Madison. ‘Friend’? ‘Hookup’? Definitely not ‘girlfriend’.

“Tyson hasn’t stopped talking about you since you came to the game a few weeks ago,” Burky tells Madison, interrupting Tyson’s runaway train of thought.

“Hey,” Tyson whines. “You don’t need to tell her that part.” 

Madison laughs. “Nah, it’s okay, JT’s already told me.”

Tyson’s busy trying to come up with a sufficient way to threaten JT whenever he sees him again as Burky slips out the front door, and suddenly he and Madison are alone. 

Madison starts to apologize for showing up with little warning, but Tyson cuts her off, pushing her—as gently as he can—against the nearest wall and kissing her. 

“Hi,” he breathes when Madison ducks her head to pull away. He kisses her again before he can admit how much he missed her.

“I missed you,” Madison says, which. Tyson can handle that.

“God, me too.” Before, he might have felt overexposed by telling her that, but, now, it’s just comforting to know she misses him the same way he misses her. “I was actually about to make dinner, if you’re hungry?”

He starts to head towards his kitchen, not waiting for Madison to follow. He hadn’t really planned much further than deciding to cook, but he can probably figure out enough to make for two people. Madison leans against the counter as Tyson opens his fridge and peers inside. He could make chicken, but that’s boring.

“I did just buy burger patties,” he says, sort of thinking out loud.

“Tys, make whatever you want,” Madison tells him, laughing a little. “I’ll eat it.”

Tyson twists around to grin at Madison. “Be careful, you haven’t actually seen me cook yet.” 

He’s a passable cook, actually—his mom wouldn’t let him leave for North Dakota before he knew the basics, and he’s only learned more since then. He plucks the burger patties out of the fridge.

Tyson talks while he cooks. He’s not even sure what he’s chatting about after a while, but Madison listens intently to everything he says. She winds up sitting on the counter near him, and he keeps stepping away from the stove to steal kisses in between sentences. He roasts up some red potatoes, too, and digs his hamburger buns out of the freezer. “They last longer,” he tells Madison, sticking two buns in his toaster. “Also, don’t tell Nate I’m eating white bread.”

Madison has not yet met Nathan MacKinnon, and she doesn’t think she’d be telling him what Tyson’s eating for dinner on a night off when she does meet him, either.

Tyson spends almost as much time dramatically plating the food as he did cooking it. Madison pours them both glasses of wine. He finally slides a plate in front of her but whips out his phone before she can take a bite.

Madison groans. “Tyson, oh my God.” She hides behind her wine glass while Tyson takes a picture of their plates.

Tyson reaches across the table to pull Madison’s hand away from her face. “Relax, I’m just sending it to JT.”

Madison scoffs, “Sure, just JT,” but she sets her wine back down.

Tyson tries to sneak another picture of her, but she catches him. The artificial shutter clicks just as she smiles sweetly at Tyson and flips him off.

“Delete that,” she whines.

“Absolutely not.”

They continue to chat over dinner. Tyson drips ketchup on his shirt, and Madison laughs so hard she chokes on her wine, which sets Tyson off, too. It’s several minutes before they can collect themselves again. Until Madison meets Tyson’s eyes across the table and bursts into laughter again.

“What’s so funny?” Tyson whines, still dabbing futilely at the stain on his shirt.

Madison wipes at her eyes, trying to catch her breath. “Nothing, nothing.” It really wasn’t that funny. “I think I’m just over-tired.” She doesn’t tell Tyson that she’s been worrying about him, about their relationship, so much that she hasn’t been able to sleep well.

Tyson frowns at her, anyway, like he knows what she’s not saying. He glances at the time. 

“Do you want to take a nap or something? It’s still early enough.”

Madison knows that if she falls asleep in Tyson’s bed now, she will not be getting out of it until morning at least, and, “I didn’t pack anything.” 

She doesn’t know why she was half-expecting Tyson to shut the door in her face when she arrived. She definitely hadn’t been planning on staying the night. 

Tyson frowns harder. “You can always wear something of mine. Unless…you don’t wanna stay?”

Madison pushes a piece of potato around her plate with her fork for a moment before answering.

“I wasn’t sure you’d want me to stay,” she says quietly.

“What?” Tyson’s so surprised he drops his fork. He snatches it back up and points it accusingly at Madison. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course I want you to stay. I literally always want you to stay.”

Madison can feel herself blushing and she ducks her head so Tyson can’t see.

Tyson goes on. “Plus, it’s a Friday night, we can stay up late and watch a movie, then sleep in tomorrow. I’ll even make you breakfast!”

He’ll probably actually persuade Madison into going out for breakfast, but that’s an argument he’ll save until the morning. Tyson decides he’s done eating and pushes back from the table. He tries to clear Madison’s plate, but she glares at him and swipes her plate away. Tyson makes grabby hands for it.

“C’mon, I’m not making you clean up after yourself, you don’t have to.”

Madison shakes her head and holds her empty plate farther out of Tyson’s reach. “You cooked, I clean, baby.”

“That’s not—” Tyson’s so distracted that Madison snatches his plate and darts towards the kitchen. “Hey!”

He chases after Madison, who’s laughing again. Tyson loves the sound of Madison’s laugh, the way it fills his apartment. He waits until the plates have clattered into the sink to press up behind her. He kisses her shoulder, her neck, before burying his face in the crook of her neck. Madison shudders and leans back into Tyson.

“How about neither of us clean up, and we go watch a movie instead?” Tyson mumbles into Madison’s skin.

Dishes can wait; Tyson needs Madison on top of him, like, five minutes ago. He doesn’t wait for her to respond before he loops an arm around her waist and drags her over to the couch. She grunts when he pulls her on top of him, but she’s pliant as he arranges both of them until they’re comfortable. He even pulls the blanket off the back of the couch and drapes it over Madison’s back.

Madison snuggles in, the top of her head nestled perfectly under Tyson’s chin. He had intended for some making out, but now that they’re there, he’s fine with actually turning on a movie. He’s pretty sure Madison’s eyes are closed already, anyway, her breathing already starting to slow down and even out. Tyson scrolls for a while aimlessly before he settles on something stupid he’s probably seen before. He keeps the volume low. He dozes a little himself, absently rubbing Madison’s back underneath her shirt. She mumbles in her sleep and shifts closer.

It’s late by the time the movie ends, and Tyson rouses himself. They should both move to the bed, but he’s loath to wake Madison. She’s cute when she sleeps.

Tyson nudges Madison gently in the ribs. She stirs and blinks blearily up at Tyson.

“Hm?”

“Let’s get you to bed, baby,” Tyson whispers. He starts to move, and Madison makes a grumpy noise and snuggles back in. “C’mon, c’mon, it’s more comfy, I promise.”

He gets Madison up with quite a bit more poking and prodding. She’s unhappy with being woken up, and Tyson’s doing his best not to laugh at her. He nudges her towards the bathroom and gets a glare for his troubles, but she does dig out her toothbrush. 

Tyson roots around for an old shirt for Madison to wear. He holds it out to her when she emerges from the bathroom, but Madison bypasses the shirt and kisses Tyson instead. He tries to keep it gentle, but Madison whines and presses closer. Tyson drops the shirt in favor of sliding his hands along Madison’s shoulders, her ribs, down her hips. They’re not very coordinated as they fall backwards onto Tyson’s bed. Their feet tangle as Tyson tries to push even closer, pinning Madison to the bed as they continue to kiss.

Madison breaks the kiss to yawn in Tyson’s face.

He huffs out a laugh, and Madison whines again. “No more, or you’re gonna fall asleep on me.”

He watches as Madison squirms around until her head is on her pillow. She’s already half-asleep again. Tyson leans over the foot of the bed and fishes around for the sleep shirt he dropped. He tosses it to Madison, and it lands on her face. She tears it away to glare at him.

Tyson’s even polite and doesn’t stare at Madison’s chest as she strips off the shirt she had been wearing and shimmies into his shirt.

He also wins the argument over breakfast the next morning, and triumphantly takes Madison to breakfast at Snooze. Madison’s grouchiness only lasts until a plate of French toast lands in front of her. 

They’re out of town the day before Valentine’s Day. It’s just Dallas, and they’ll fly home after the game, but Tyson’s not actually sure where the line is between him and Madison and February 14th. Romantic dinner is absolutely out of the question. So are roses, probably. Tyson still wants to do something though, which is how he ends up on the website for a local flower shop while he’s supposed to be napping after skate. He scrolls for a few minutes before he remembers that he’s colorblind, and he should probably enlist some help.

JT and his judgmental eyebrows are at Tyson’s hotel room door seven minutes later. He shoulders his way past Tyson without a word, settles next to Tyson’s laptop on the bed.

“Flowers?” JT asks. “For your not-girlfriend?” He’s still being judgy, but Tyson knows he’s amused a little, too.

“Shut up, at least I’m not sending her roses,” Tyson says, trying to defend himself. He flops down on the bed next to JT. JT’s already busy scrolling. ”You need help picking the right colors, don’t you,” he says, teasing.

“Maybe.” Tyson’s never really understood flowers—they all sort of look the same to him—but girls are supposed to like them. Tyson’s never claimed to understand girls, either. 

JT clicks around a few times before he punches Tyson in the shoulder.

“Ow,” he complains, sitting up and peering over JT’s shoulder. “...What am I looking at?”

JT sighs. “I don’t know, some pink and purple flowers.”

Tyson squints closer at the photo of the arrangement JT picked. “Wait, is that a rose? I said no roses.”

“It’s pink, it’s fine.” JT tilts the screen away for a second. “You’re adding on a stuffed animal.”

“I am?” JT gives him a look. “I mean, sure.” JT turns the laptop back towards Tyson, and he dutifully fills in his credit card information. He has to hunt for Madison’s address in his phone, but then he’s pressing the confirmation button, and that’s it. “That’s it? That was easy.” 

JT snorts and shuts Tyson’s laptop. “Sure, easy after you asked me for help.” He facewashes Tyson. “You’re welcome.” 

“I’ll buy your coffee before the game,” Tyson offers, ignoring JT’s sarcasm. “Besides, you’re the one of us in a cute, long-term relationship.”

JT smirks at Tyson over his shoulder, heading for the door. “You could change that for yourself, you know.” 

“Working on it!” Tyson yells as the door shuts behind JT.

Tyson mostly forgets about the flowers after that, with the game, and the flight home, and crashing into bed and sleeping for almost ten hours. He hopes Madison likes them, hopes he isn’t pushing it too far.

Madison isn’t expecting the knock she gets on her door the next morning. She’s even more surprised when she opens her door and finds a small vase of flowers waiting on her doormat. There’s a teddy bear propped up next to the flowers; she hugs it to her chest as she carries the flowers inside. She has to set the teddy back down with the flowers to take a picture to send to Tyson.

She sends, should I be worried about a secret admirer? Tyson, eternal dork that he is, sends back the smirking emoji and the emoji blowing a kiss. Madison adds a selfie of herself hugging the bear and says, come cuddle?

Tyson probably, maybe, goes a little over the speed limit on his way to Madison’s. 

March

Fucking Calgary. Tyson’s face hurts. He gingerly sticks his tongue through the gap where his front teeth used to be, but moving hurts too much. He sits back in the passenger seat of JT’s car with a quiet groan. The training staff had been adamant that Tyson couldn’t drive himself home, and Tyson wasn’t really in any shape to put up a fight. JT looks at him sideways, something amused in the tilt of his eyebrows.

All this and they didn’t even fucking win. 

“Want me to call your mom?” JT asks. 

Tyson groans again. He really should call her. He knows she’s worried, and if he doesn’t tell her he’s fine—mostly— she’ll probably take the next flight into Denver to check on him herself. She’s pretty great like that. 

He should probably text Madison, too. 

What Tyson really wants to do is go home and pass out for about twelve hours. He’s already scheduled for emergency dental work in the morning, though, and then Tyson’s going to have to beg the training staff to let him play on the road trip they’re about to head on. He hasn’t even packed yet. 

JT holds his hand out for Tyson’s phone. Tyson fishes it out of his hoodie pocket and slaps it into JT’s hand. JT waves it at him.

“Unlock it, dumbass,” JT says. Tyson could grumble about how JT definitely knows his passcode, but he just takes his phone back. “And dial your mom while you’re at it, I can’t do it while driving.” Tyson settles for a disgruntled huff and does as he’s told. 

He only half-listens, eyes closed, as JT talks to his mom, repeated reassurances that he’s fine, and, no, she doesn’t need to come down, and, yes, JT will keep an eye on him. 

They’re almost to Tyson’s apartment by the time JT hangs up. He doesn’t hand Tyson’s phone back. Tyson cracks open his eyes to squint at JT.

“Need me to call your little girlfriend, too?” he asks. The way he says it isn’t mean, but Tyson bristles anyway.

“Not my girlfriend,” he manages, swiping for his phone. Not yet, anyway, or maybe not ever. Tyson’s working on it. JT lets him take it, but Tyson doesn’t miss the raised eyebrow he gets before JT turns back to the road.

JT insists on walking Tyson to his front door, then following him inside. Tyson’s too tired to begrudge the fussing. Plus, he does feel like shit, and it’s kind of nice, even if he’ll never, ever tell JT that. JT hovers in the bedroom doorway as Tyson kicks off his slides and faceplants into his pillow.

“Ow,” he says, gingerly turning back over.

JT snorts at him. “Need anything?” The trainers gave Tyson painkillers after the game, and it’s not like he can brush his teeth—or what’s left of them, anyway. He settles for flipping off JT. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll lock the door on my way out.” Tyson probably owes him one after this. 

He barely remembers to text Madison a thumbs up emoji before he falls asleep.

Tyson grimaces when he sees himself in the mirror the next morning. His jaw is swollen and bruised, and he can barely open his mouth. He’s not sure he wants to see the state of his teeth, anyway. A knock on his door drags him away from his mirror.

Madison knocks again, unsure if Tyson’s awake. She should’ve called, or texted, before she showed up. She shifts anxiously from foot to foot while she waits for Tyson to answer. It’s only another few seconds before the door swings open, and Tyson appears. He looks miserable as he leans against the door. 

“You look like shit,” Madison says. She waits until he steps back before pushing past him and inside his apartment. 

“Thanks,” Tyson mumbles, following Madison to the kitchen. 

She hops up onto the counter and thrusts one of the smoothies in her hand at Tyson. “Breakfast,” she says.

Tyson takes it and takes a wary sip. It’s his favorite flavor, and he takes a bigger drink. He’s halfway through slurping his smoothie before he remembers to say anything else.

“I’ve, uh, got the dentist this morning, then I’ve gotta meet the team to fly to New York,” he tells Madison. He talks carefully around his swollen gums. 

Madison shrugs. “Just wanted to check on you, bud,” she says. She sets her smoothie aside and holds her arms out to Tyson. He steps into her arms and lets her hold him. He wraps his arms around her waist and buries his face in the crook of her neck. “Looked pretty rough out there last night.”

Tyson grunts. Madison pokes him in the ribs until he squirms away. He takes a petulant drink of his smoothie.

“Do you need any help with anything?” she asks. 

Tyson still hasn’t packed. His dirty laundry has piled up. He should really clean his apartment. 

Instead, he shakes his head, muttering, “You don’t have to.”

“That’s not what I asked, Tys,” she says, crossing her arms. She stares him down. 

Tyson cracks. “I’ve just got a bunch of cleaning to do, is all.” It hurts to talk too much. He forces himself to shrug, tries to do the math on how much time he has before the dentist and before heading to the airport to get everything done. 

Madison doesn’t seem concerned. “Okay, where do you want to start?”

“You don’t-” Tyson starts. You should just leave, he wants to say, but doesn’t. 

“Shut up and drink your smoothie, Jost,” Madison tells him. 

Tyson shuts up and drinks his smoothie. 

He goes to start a load of laundry while Madison tackles his kitchen. He’d run the dishwasher the day before, but what hadn’t fit had piled up in the sink, and he had never exactly gotten around to emptying it. More dirty dishes piled up in the sink. Tyson stands in his bedroom for a moment, listening to the sounds of Madison putting things away in his cabinets.

He doesn’t know when she learned where everything goes.

They work around each other in silence for a while. Tyson stops a few times and watches the confidence and comfort with which Madison moves around his apartment. He likes it more than he should, probably. 

He’s got clothes in the dryer when he realizes he should’ve left already. He’d gotten a lot of work done the night before, and he’s got more appointments for when they get back to Denver at the end of the week.

He looks around his half-cleaned apartment in despair. He’d managed to pack enough to get by, he thinks. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s had to borrow socks from JT on a road trip, anyway. Madison must see the look on his face, because she walks over to Tyson. He looks down at her as she places her hands on his hips.

“Go, I can handle the rest of this,” she says. They’d made good progress, but most of Tyson’s laundry—anything that hadn’t gotten immediately packed—still needs to be folded. “Just leave me the apartment key. I’ll finish up, and make sure everything’s locked up. Promise,” she tells him.

Tyson can’t ask her to do that, and he tells her as much. That’s like. Girlfriend shit. He doesn’t say that part. 

What he ends up saying is, “Are you sure? You really don’t have to.” 

Madison leans up on tiptoes to press a quick close-mouthed kiss to Tyson’s lips. “I know. But I want to help you, babe. Let me help you.” 

Tyson sighs. This isn’t a fight he’s going to win. Madison watches him with something like satisfaction on her face as he finds his keys, carefully unhooks his apartment key and hands it over, but there’s something soft in her eyes, too. Tyson can’t bear to think too hard about what that look means, so he steps around Madison and goes to grab his bags.

Tyson gives her a quick kiss on his way past. He wants nothing more than to kiss her properly, like she deserves, but he doesn’t think his jaw could handle that. Madison grabs Tyson’s wrist before he can get far. He turns to look at her again, a question on the tip of his tongue, when she slips a hand around the back of his neck and pulls him down to kiss him again. It’s almost desperate, but slow and gentle. Tyson lets himself get lost in it for a second. Madison squeezes his neck once before she pulls away. She gives him a soft smile. Tyson presses his forehead to hers for another second before he regretfully pulls away. 

“See you in a few days,” she whispers. 

Tyson deserves all the chirps he gets for being late.

The road trip fucking sucks, to say the least. Tyson’s jaw hurts more often than it doesn’t, and he ends up with more penalty minutes than points. He’s looking forward to going home and sleeping in his own bed for a minimum of twelve hours.

He panics, too, a little. It’s become startlingly obvious that he’s fucking head over heels for Madison, and he has no clue what to do about it. They’ve got a good thing going, he thinks, and he doesn’t want to mess with it, really. He doesn’t really want things to stay how they are, either. 

So, panic. He thinks about JT calling Madison his girlfriend, just a few days before. He thinks of his own realization that the lines between hooking up and relationship have become blurred. What he needs is distance, some clarity. The time difference between Denver and the East Coast is an easy enough excuse to start; they’re busy, and it’s easy to let texts from Madison go unanswered for a few hours, or a few hours longer than a few hours. 

Madison must get the hint, because her texts peter out after a few days. 

Tyson is trying to find his keys in his carry-on bag as they step off the plane when he remembers that he left them with Madison so she could lock up his apartment for him. He’s locked out of his apartment and being iced out by Madison, and all he really wants is to go to sleep and not talk to anyone.

He sheepishly calls Madison as he leaves the airport. She sounds normal when she answers, and she doesn’t hesitate to say, “Sure,” when he asks if he can pick up his keys. Tyson climbs into his car tiredly and puts Madison’s address into his phone GPS.

Tyson’s only been to Madison’s place a few times. He hasn’t realized until now that he usually prefers having her over at his apartment. He likes seeing her there, forcing him to make room for herself in his life, at ease in his bed. He shakes those thoughts off. 

Madison makes him wait when he knocks on her apartment door. He stands awkwardly with his hands in his pockets. Finally, after what feels like forever, Madison swings the door open. She doesn’t move back to let Tyson in, keys already in her hand. 

“Hi,” Tyson breathes. Madison raises an eyebrow at him. Tyson gets the sudden urge to apologize. He rubs the back of his neck nervously. “Thanks again, uh, for helping me with everything,” he says eventually. “I owe you.” He hasn’t seen his apartment yet, obviously, but he knows Madison left it cleaner than it’s been since he moved in, probably. Madison’s breath catches. That was the wrong thing to say. “No, you don’t, Tyson,” she says shortly. She tosses Tyson his keys. He’s not expecting it and fumbles them. The sound of them hitting the ground is deafening. Tyson’s exhausted, and he’s only so strong.

“Can I come in?” he asks. “Please?”

Madison regards him. Tyson looks pathetic, if she’s being honest with herself, worn-out and worn-down. His swelling has gone down since she last saw him, but he looks uncomfortable. She gets the feeling it’s not just about his jaw. She, too, is only so strong. “C’mere,” she says, finally stepping back and opening the door wider. Tyson’s so relieved he could cry.

Tyson ends up collapsing in Madison’s bed and sleeps for twelve hours, face buried in a pillow that smells like her. So much for getting some distance. 

Madison’s waiting outside Tyson’s apartment door when he gets home after beating Calgary a few nights later. Tyson’s tired, and cold, but he feels himself grinning when he sees her. She’s leaning casually against his door frame, playing idly on her phone, but she’s wearing one of Tyson’s hoodies. He wants nothing more than to kiss her right there, but he settles for bumping her out of the way with his hip so he can unlock his front door.

“What if JT had come home with me, huh? Or Cale?” Tyson asks instead of saying hello. She follows him inside and locks the door behind her. Tyson busies himself with his coat so he doesn’t blurt out something dumb. He and JT weren’t quite as inseparable as they used to be, but it could happen. And Cale only lived a few floors away. Though, now that Tyson thought of it, he hadn’t been inviting teammates over after games very much lately, not when there was usually someone else waiting for him.

He’s seen Madison since they got back from their road trip, but he misses her so much when she’s not around now. He can’t get enough of her. That probably means something. He’s working on it. Sort of. 

“Hello to you, too, Tys,” she scoffs, kicking off her shoes. She carefully aims one at Tyson’s shin.

“Hey, hey, watch the suit pants,” he protests. He gives in and steps closer to her, looping an arm around her waist and pulling her into him. He allows himself a quick kiss, just a chaste one, forcing himself to pull away before either of them can deepen it.

She pouts at him. Tyson allows himself one more kiss. He is beginning to realize that he is so, so fucked.

Tyson strips off his suit jacket as he heads towards the kitchen. She trails after him. Tyson swings around to walk backwards so he can face her. He immediately bumps into the doorway to the kitchen and stumbles. He doesn’t turn back around.

“Snack first,” he says. He doesn’t say what comes next, but he’s pretty sure they both know.

“Didn’t you eat after the game at the Can?” she asks. Tyson drops his suit jacket on one of his kitchen chairs. She picks it up with a sigh and a small smile before draping it nicely over the back of the chair instead. 

Tyson turns back around, intent on digging through his fridge. “Well, yeah, but—” He freezes. Blinks. There are balloons tied to the faucet of his sink. Next to them, a cookie cake and two wrapped presents. Tyson peers closer at the cookie cake. Happy birthday, Tys! It reads, in looping cursive. 

Tyson turns slowly back to face her. She looks shy, biting her lip and watching Tyson with something like nervousness written across her face. Tyson feels guilty, suddenly, for the way he tried to put distance between them just a few days before. 

“How did you—When?” Tyson gets out. She doesn’t look any less nervous, he realizes, and he rushes over to hug her.

She holds up a familiar key when he lets her go, the beginnings of a smile on her face, now. “Cale slipped me your spare key,” she explains. “I snuck in after you left for the game this afternoon, after I got off work.” 

Tyson had completely forgotten that he and Cale had swapped spares when they ended up living in the same building. The idea was to save them from the potential embarrassment of locking your keys in your apartment, but apparently Cale was using his for more nefarious purposes now. 

Madison had been surprised at how easy it had all been. She doesn’t even remember when she got Cale’s number, but he had readily agreed to help her out some. She’d even considered sticking around and surprising Tyson when he got home, but she still wasn’t quite sure how he’d react. She couldn’t tell with him sometimes.

Tyson has to kiss her. She giggles, breathless, when he pulls away.

“Well, now I know what we’re eating for a snack,” Tyson says, taking her hand and dragging her towards the island. He only lets go long enough to dig through a drawer for a knife and to tear off two paper towels. He cuts two large slices and hands one to her. He shoves a bite of cookie cake in his mouth before he says, I love you.

She hops up on the counter when they’ve both finished their slices, swinging her feet into the cabinets. Tyson steps between her legs and kisses her again, because he can. He reaches behind her and picks up one of the wrapped packages. It’s small, light. He flips it over once in his hands. “Hey, your birthday isn’t until tomorrow,” she says, swiping for the present. 

Tyson holds it out of her reach, and she wraps her legs around his waist, pressing him close against her. Tyson takes a deep breath.

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he says. He sticks a finger underneath a flap in the wrapping paper. He really hadn’t been expecting anything.

She shrugs. “It’s stupid,” she says. 

“Good thing I like stupid,” Tyson counters. He tears into the wrapping paper properly, letting it drop carelessly to the ground. He’s left with a small book. “It’s a ukulele book?” 

“It’s sheet music, so you can finally stop playing the same three songs all the time,” she says.

Tyson realizes he hasn’t said anything else. He stops staring and sets the book aside. “It’s perfect, not stupid,” he says. She tilts her chin for another kiss. Who is he to say no? “Thank you,” he murmurs against her lips. He reaches for the second present, still kissing her. She groans at him.

Tyson tears into the second present just as eagerly as the first. She’s laughing at him, and this time he crumples the wrapping paper up and tosses it at her face. It’s just a case of beer, Tyson’s favorite. He hadn’t realized she noticed it was always stocked in his fridge. 

Her legs are still wrapped around his waist, and Tyson presses closer, as close as he can get. The counter digs into the tops of his thighs, but he’s too busy making out to care. She slides her hands into his hair. She tastes like cookie cake and peppermint Chapstick; Tyson would kiss her forever if he could. 

Speaking of. They fell over the last time Tyson tried to carry her to his bedroom, but he slides his hands underneath her thighs, anyway, tugging her off the counter. She slips down, still pinned between Tyson and the countertop, still kissing him languidly. 

“Gonna actually move at any point?” she eventually asks, pulling away to press her forehead to Tyson’s. 

Tyson pretends to think about it. “I mean, we don’t have to go to bed,” he says. Not being on a bed hadn’t stopped them before.

She pushes on Tyson’s chest, and he goes, laughing. She lets herself be dragged to Tyson’s room, kicking the door shut behind her. 

It’s late by the time they tumble into bed for real. She’s in one of Tyson’s shirts, and nothing else. If Tyson weren’t actually exhausted, he’d be considering round two. He had nearly gotten caught while they were cleaning up in the bathroom after round one, sleepily staring as she took off her makeup and brushed her teeth—a bottle of her makeup remover and her toothbrush live on Tyson’s sink, and have for months. Tyson tries not to look into it too much. 

“What?” she’d asked, catching Tyson’s eye in the mirror.

He had shaken himself. “Nothing,” he said, giving her a sleepy grin. He pressed a kiss to her temple as he slipped out of the bathroom.

Madison watches him go. She’s trying to decipher that look in his eyes. His face was soft, fond behind drowsy eyes. She realizes she’s frozen with her toothbrush still in her mouth. Tyson’s waiting for her. 

He’s staring up at the ceiling fan, rotating slowly above him, when she emerges and slips under the covers next to him. Her toes are cold where she presses them to Tyson’s leg, and he swears under his breath, even as he reaches across the bed to pull her closer. He presses a kiss to her hair and rests his chin on top of her head. Madison hides a smile in his chest. 

Tyson wakes up slowly the next morning. It’s still early, the sunlight filtering through his curtains the hazy grey of dawn. Madison’s still asleep next to him when he rolls over. Tyson dares to pull her closer until she’s tucked underneath his chin again. Madison stirs a little, making a soft noise and pressing closer. She pulls back and blinks sleepily up at Tyson.

“Happy birthday, Tyson,” she murmurs. 

Tyson grins at her and brushes a stray piece of hair out of her eyes. He kisses her quickly, and she makes a soft noise and leans into it before yawning. “Thank you,” Tyson whispers back. “Now go back to sleep.” 

Madison grumbles, but snuggles back in, pressing her nose to Tyson’s collarbone. 

It’s brighter out when Tyson next blinks himself awake. Madison’s already awake this time, scrolling quietly on her phone, but she sets it aside when she sees Tyson look at her. He rolls so he can prop himself up on one hand, leaning over Madison. She grins up at him, reaches to slide her fingers into Tyson’s hair.

Tyson has practice today, and then they’re leaving again. Those things aren’t important right now, though. What’s important is Madison’s mouth opening up to his, the pressure of her knee against his hip, the feel of her skin underneath his fingers when he slips a hand below her shirt. 

It takes them a while to get out of bed. 

Madison moves easily around Tyson when they finally make it into the kitchen. Tyson makes Madison coffee the way she likes it and mans the toaster while Madison makes them both eggs. She showers—Tyson bought all of her shower products weeks ago—while Tyson gets dressed. Tyson perches on the bathroom counter and watches while she does her makeup. She catches him looking at her.

“What?” she asks. She pushes her hair out of her face nervously. 

“Uh,” Tyson says. He had gotten caught up, wasn’t really thinking about anything, distracted by thoughts of how easily Madison moves through his space, by his side.

“Tyson,” Madison says, impatient.

“Do you, uh, maybe wanna go on a date with me?” Tyson manages. 

“Tys, you’re leaving on a road trip in,” she checks the time on her phone, “like four hours.”

Tyson rolls his eyes. “Okay, but we’ll be back in a few days. What about then?”

Madison smiles. “We’ll see, ask me when you get back.” 

“That’s not a real answer,” Tyson says. He can hear himself whining. He needs this answer before he can board a plane, though. He grabs her wrist and tugs her closer. “C’mon, am I really that bad?”

She goes easily into Tyson’s side. She pretends to think about it for a moment—too long for Tyson’s nerves—before relenting. “When you get back,” she says. She goes up on her toes to kiss Tyson’s cheek. “Now get out of here before you’re late to practice.”

They don’t get to go on that date.

He’s in California when he gets the call. Minnesota. It’s not like he didn’t see it coming. The deadline’s coming up in, like, a week, and besides. He’d asked for a trade, hadn’t he? He doesn’t say goodbye to anyone before he’s back on a plane, this time to St. Paul. 

He calls his mom first, asks if she’ll pack him some shit from his apartment in Denver. He was supposed to be back in just a few days. 

“I don’t have any clothes for fucking Minnesota,” he complains, his one moment of self-appointed wallowing. He’ll be happy about this, probably, he just needs to process it.

He doesn’t think about it when he turns his phone off before getting on the plane. He’s met by some people from the Wild—the team, his team, now—at the airport in St. Paul, hustled to a hotel near Xcel Center with his meager belongings and left to “settle in.” He’s expected at morning skate tomorrow; his jaw aches.

They’ve put him up in a nice hotel downtown. He can see a river—the Mississippi, he thinks— out his window. His phone’s still off, tossed on the bed when he came in. He swipes it off the comforter and powers it back on, shoving it and a room key in his pocket on his way out the door. 

His hotel room is too stuffy, too small. He takes the stairs and pushes his way outside. He can see the Xcel Center a few blocks away, and he turns his back to it, starts walking. He has no idea where he is or where he’s going. He hopes no one recognizes him. 

It’s not long before he finds himself in a park alongside the river. It’s quiet, and no one looks twice at him as he finds an empty bench and finally pulls out his phone. He scrolls through his notifications: texts from Kacey and his grandpa—he’ll have to respond to them—dozens from his—former—teammates on the Avs that he ignores, a handful from numbers he doesn’t have saved, Wild players introducing themselves and welcoming him to the team—he’ll have to make some new contacts. He swipes everything away to deal with later, once his head stops spinning. He pauses on one text, the only one he’d really been looking for.

So much for that date, huh. it says. She’s added a broken heart emoji to soften the blow. Then, an hour later, call me when you get the chance. Another emoji at the end, a black heart, even though Tyson’s told her repeatedly that he can mostly tell colors apart.

He already knows what she’s going to say. Can you get broken up with before you’re even dating? How do you make friends-with-benefits work long-distance? Tyson’s not in the mood for that conversation, doesn’t know if he ever will be. He swipes away her notifications, too. 

Minnesota is chilly, and Tyson’s fingertips are a little numb by the time his hotel room door slams behind him later. It’s getting dark. He should order dinner. He should do a lot of things, actually. He lets himself wallow for a few more minutes, flopped on his back in the center of the bed, staring up at the dark ceiling.

He halfheartedly peruses the room service menu on his nightstand before calling something in. He’s not even sure what he ordered. 

Tyson’s woken up by knocking on his door. He blinks awake and stumbles blearily out of bed. It’s fully dark in his room now. Room service knocks on his door again. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Tyson grumbles, not even loud enough to be heard, probably. 

His food is lukewarm at best by the time he gets everything spread out on the little desk in his room. Tyson picks at it more than he eats it.

Back in Denver, Madison’s phone doesn’t ring. She figured Tyson would be busy and exhausted by the time he made it to Minnesota. She wants to check in, but her messages show that they’ve been read. He’s made it clear that he’s not in the mood to chat. 

It’s fine. He’s allowed to be upset over all this. Madison had just thought that they’d made it far enough in their relationship—whatever that relationship was—that she wouldn’t get stonewalled the second something serious happened. 

She hasn’t had a chance to return Tyson’s spare key to Cale yet. She’d stayed behind after Tyson left for the airport on his birthday to clean up some of the disaster they’d left behind the night before. She was going to give it back when they got home. Except now Tyson’s not coming home, and she isn’t sure he’ll speak to her again, either. 

She tries to convince herself she’s not hurt by it. 

Madison sneaks back into Tyson’s apartment the day after the trade. She’s collected some of Tyson’s clothes over the last few months, and she should pick up her own belongings that have become scattered across his apartment. She’s not sure how Tyson’s going to get the rest of his stuff to Minnesota, but she knows it’s not her problem. Tyson’s made that clear. 

She opens the text thread with Tys 🖤 again anyway. No new messages. She starts to type, to ask how Tyson’s doing, if he wants to talk, but she deletes it all. She closes her text thread with him again.

Madison wanders around the apartment, collecting things she recognizes as her own: her toothbrush, a half dozen ponytail holders that Tyson delights in tearing out of her hair to make out, the makeup remover that Tyson bought after she fell asleep there the first time and left makeup all over his pillowcase. She leaves the clothes she dug out of her closet and drawers folded on the end of his bed. She keeps one of his hoodies, because it’s comfy and it smells like him. It’s an Avs hoodie, anyway; it’s not like he’ll need it. The cookie cake she bought for his birthday is still sitting on the counter. They’d eaten it with breakfast on his actual birthday, but it was otherwise untouched. She figures someone will be by soon to pack up his apartment. She leaves it on the counter for them, whoever it is.

She locks the door behind her. It feels final in a way that she hates. 

Tyson drags himself to morning skate early the next morning. He doesn’t feel like he slept much, though he fell asleep before he ever got around to responding to anyone’s texts. He makes no less than four wrong turns trying to find the home locker room in Xcel Center. The equipment staff has a locker set up for him already, all of his new gear waiting for him when he finds it. Tyson stares at the white practice jersey for a long moment, the green helmet already fitted with his full face shield and new number. He’s the only one in the locker room so far.

Tyson feels himself smile for the first time in what feels like days. 

Skate passes in a blur. Tyson throws himself into everything the coaches ask of him, trying his best to learn a new team on the fly. His muscles ache from all the travel in the last few days and the lack of sleep, but he leans into the pain with a grin. It’s fun, in a weird way, and everyone’s quick to chirp Tyson, make him feel like he’s already a real part of the team. 

Madison watches the Wild’s game that night. Tyson’s still in his little fishbowl after the broken jaw, and Madison winces every time he takes a check, even though she knows he’s fine, really. Minnesota wins. She doesn’t watch any of their other games, or follow Minnesota on any socials. She considers blocking Tyson’s phone number, the last message she sent to him still sitting open and unreplied to. 

She can’t bring herself to do it. 

Tyson’s mom, ever the lifesaver, arrives a few days later with most of the contents of his closet in tow. She’s also brought the cookie cake Madison had bought him for his birthday. It’s half-eaten and stale, now, reading only “-hday, Tys!” He eats a piece, anyway, and his mom doesn’t ask who bought it for him. She doesn’t ask any questions, actually, which Tyson is grateful for. He’s told her bits and pieces about Madison over the last few months, but he hasn’t told her how he’s fallen in love. It doesn’t matter now.

Tyson’s trying to unpack, give himself some semblance of “home” in his stale hotel room, when a piece of paper falls out of the pocket of one of his suit jackets. He picks it up and carefully unfolds it, though he already knows what it says. good luck tonight! ♡ in Madison’s pretty cursive. She’d tucked it into his suit before a game in January, and Tyson had scored a goal that night. He slipped it back in the inside pocket of the suit jacket. Maybe it’ll bring him luck in Minnesota, too. 

Madison’s phone rings late one night, a few weeks after Tyson’s been traded. It’s the first time she’s heard from him since he left Denver. She squints at her phone screen in the dark, debating ignoring it. Tyson’s face grins up at her, a stupid selfie he had taken ages ago. She swipes to answer with a sigh.

“Tyson, if you’re just calling because you’re drunk or something, I swear—” she starts. She’s not really sure what she’ll do to Tyson, actually, so she trails off. 

Tyson’s quiet on the other end of the line. Madison hears him take a shaky breath, but he still doesn’t speak for a long moment. “The Avs are in town,” he says finally. “Game’s tomorrow night,” he adds. 

Madison hasn’t really been paying attention to either team’s schedule lately. She hasn’t had much reason to. She’s not sure what she’s supposed to say here, what’s the right answer to comfort Tyson. She might’ve once, but she feels wrong-footed now, unsure of where they stand.

“You gonna see anyone?” she asks.

Tyson huffs. “Yeah, I got dinner with some of them tonight.” He pauses. “They’re still my friends, y’know, it’s not like they’re the ones who traded me.”

Madison hums, something like agreement. She thinks she can hear the hurt in Tyson’s voice, even though he’s trying to hide it. He’s still talking. “I’ve just…never had to play against my best friends like this before.”

“Oh, Tys,” Madison says softly. “That sucks, babe.” The familiar endearment slips out before she can stop herself. 

“Yeah, it sucks alright,” Tyson agrees. He’s quiet again. “Wish you could be here, too. Miss you.”

“You don’t mean that,” Madison says. With the game tomorrow, Tyson might not be drunk, but it’s late, and he’s wallowing in missing his friends. She doesn’t think she really qualifies as that anymore.

“What do you mean?” Tyson asks, indignant. “Of course I mean it.”

“Is that why this is the first time we’ve spoken since you got traded? Two weeks ago?” Madison’s angry, suddenly; that small spark of hurt she’s been trying to bury flares into fury. 

She can practically hear Tyson’s wince on the other end of the line. It’s too late to be arguing, but this is where they’re at now. 

“Sorry for not wanting to get dumped hours after I got shipped off to fucking Minnesota,” Tyson snaps back, but he sounds tired. The fight leaves Madison just as quickly as it appeared. “Who said anything about breaking up?”

Tyson’s quiet. Madison can picture the way his eyebrows furrow when he’s thinking too hard. “You asked me to call you!”

“I asked you to call me because I wanted to check on you, dumbass.” Madison rubs at her eyes. They should both be asleep, but now she feels too awake to hang up, to end this conversation. She might be annoyed, but it’s the first time she’s heard Tyson’s voice in weeks. She’s missed it, though she’s not about to admit that right now. “How can I even break up with a guy I’ve never been on a real date with?” she asks.

“Oh.” 

“It’s been a wild fucking month for you, Tys, I wanted to talk to you and see how you were handling shit,” Madison continues.

Tyson realizes now might not be the best time to admit that he’d requested a trade. This had still blindsided him, somehow. He considers switching to a FaceTime call. He desperately wants to see Madison’s face, the next best thing to being with her right now, getting to touch her. He winces again when she sniffles on the other end of the line. He’d been lonely when he called her, expecting some sympathy, not the anger he was met with. 

He guesses he probably should’ve considered she’d be mad at him after moving over 900 miles away and then giving her radio silence for two weeks, actually. He taps the FaceTime button a little harder than necessary. He’s almost surprised when Madison accepts the request.

He runs a hand through his hair. “I’ve been busy,” he says weakly. “I didn’t think—I just figured you were wanting to tell me that we couldn’t keep doing this.” It seems obvious given the distance, but Tyson really hadn’t been in the mood to get effectively broken up with twice in one day. 

Madison’s eyes burn as she swipes at them, and she’s not sure if it’s because of the late hour, or if she’s about to cry. 

Tyson realizes something. “Besides, you had just gotten spooked and tried to slow things down, I didn’t think you’d want to jump from just hooking up to long-distance.” It’s too dark for him to tell if she’s crying. He hopes she isn’t. 

“That was—” Madison starts to protest. But Tyson’s right. It had only been a few weeks since she’d panicked about how fast they were headed towards a real relationship. That had been before the broken jaw, before Tyson’s birthday, before he got traded. Before Madison had the chance to realize just how much she cared about Tyson, and liked Tyson, and how much she missed him when he wasn’t just a text away.

“I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend for real, you know? On that date? But then I was in Minnesota, and I hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye to anyone, and I wasn’t ready to talk about anything.” Madison opens her mouth to argue more, but Tyson cuts her off. “You want to know how I’m handling shit? Not well,” he admits.

Hockey is hockey, but he’s not sure Minnesota will ever feel like home the way Denver still does. 

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Madison blurts.

Tyson laughs in spite of himself. “So many things,” he says. It’s easy, for a second, to forget they’re arguing. Fuck, he wishes Madison were with him, and not for the first, or the third, or the tenth time since he’s been in Minnesota. “I guess I should’ve texted instead of shutting you out, huh? I just never knew what to say.”

“You’re an idiot,” Madison says softly. “I really did just want to check on you. But you left me on read, and then a few days had passed, so I guess you’d made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to talk. I didn’t even think about worrying about our future then.” 

Tyson squeezes his eyes shut. He’s blurry on Madison’s phone screen, but she can tell his hair is a disaster, like he’s been anxiously pulling on his curls.

“Did I accidentally break up with you to avoid being broken up with?” he asks. He sounds like he’s on the verge of laughter. Or maybe tears. Madison can’t quite tell, actually. 

“Mmm, I think so, babe,” Madison says. She rolls over in bed, stifling a yawn. It’s late in Denver, but it’s even later in St. Paul, she thinks. “Hey, you need to sleep. “You’ve gotta beat the Avs tomorrow.” She glances at the clock in the corner of her screen. “Well. Today, I guess.”

Tyson sticks his tongue out at her, but he snuggles deeper into his pillows. “Can I call you later?” His voice is small.

“Yeah, Tys.” They’ve got a lot more to talk about. “Say hi to JT and Cale for me, yeah?” she says.

Tyson grins at her. He stops himself from saying, “I love you,” before he hangs up, but only barely, settling on, “Good night,” instead. There’s still time for the other one, he thinks

The game is…fine. They slap a microphone on Tyson before he goes out on the ice, and it’s definitely weird facing off against some of his best friends, but he gets through it. He doesn’t score, but he doesn’t land in the penalty box either, so. He spends some time attempting to chirp an exasperated EJ that he’ll probably get made fun of for later. Oh, and the Wild win. Tyson guesses it’s an okay night, after all. 

Tyson misses Denver, misses playing at the Can, but after facing off against his friends on the still-unfamiliar ice in Minnesota, he’s not sure he can handle returning. 

Madison finds herself watching the Avs game for the first time in weeks, but she’s not watching for them. She’s paying attention to all of Tyson’s shifts, and she realizes halfway through the game that she’s completely rooting against the Avs. 

The final buzzer has barely blown when she’s pulling out her phone to text Tyson. She hesitates for a moment, unsure of the right thing to say. She feels like they finally made progress last night after Tyson stonewalled her for weeks, but they’re still a half dozen steps behind where they were in the beginning of March. She somehow knows more than she did before Tyson called her, but she feels like she understands their relationship even less now. 

She must type four or five messages before she settles on, great win :) 🖤. She kind of hates it as soon as she sends it, but she can’t take it back. She tosses her phone to the other end of the couch before she can obsess over waiting for Tyson to text her back. She doesn’t have to wait long, though, before her phone is vibrating near her feet. She takes one breath, then another, before scrambling for her phone again. Tyson’s texted back, thanks babe. Then, less than a minute later, wish you were here. 

Madison stares at her phone, chewing on her bottom lip. She doesn’t know the right thing to say once again. ‘Me too’ feels too earnest, ‘wish you were still here instead’ feels mean somehow. She still doesn’t know when she’ll see Tyson again, if she’ll see Tyson again. All she has is a version of Tyson through a screen. Her thumb hovers over the call button. Tyson’s probably busy with post-game stuff, Madison reminds herself. She misses his voice, though.

She finally settles on: :). She waits anxiously until Tyson has read it before sending: Call me later?

She checked the Wild’s schedule already; they’re in town for a few more days. Tyson will probably be heading straight home—wherever “home” is these days— after the game. She spares a moment to wonder about the future of Tyson’s old apartment in Denver. She wonders if it’s been emptied out yet, wiped clean of all traces of Tyson, of them. That had been home to Tyson, and it had almost started to feel like home to Madison, too. 

Tyson sends her back a thumbs up emoji and an emoji with its tongue sticking out. Madison rolls her eyes fondly and tosses her phone back to the end of her couch. 

She’s dozing when her phone rings. Half-asleep, she fumbles for it before answering. “‘Lo?” she mumbles. 

Tyson chuckles softly at her. “You asked me to call you and then fell asleep,” he says, tsk-ing. 

Madison sticks her tongue out at him, even though he can’t see her. “Shut up, it’s late,” she whines. 

“Then go to bed, Mads,” Tyson tells her. She can tell he’s trying not to laugh at her.

Madison feels like a toddler protesting bedtime, but she says, “No! I wanna talk to you.”

Tyson laughs again. “Okay, are you at least in bed already?”

“...No.”

“Go brush your teeth, and get in bed, yeah? We can keep talking then.”

Madison sighs but heaves herself off her couch and into her bathroom. Tyson starts chatting as she walks, mindless stuff, like the weather in St. Paul, or how bored he is of living in a hotel room still. Madison puts him on speaker and sets her phone next to the sink so she can keep listening while she washes her face and brushes her teeth. It almost feels like getting ready for bed alongside Tyson again, elbowing each other for space in front of his bathroom mirror. 

He falls quiet as she crawls underneath her blankets. Madison stifles a yawn.

“How was it?” she asks.

“The game?” Madison nods, forgetting again that Tyson can’t see her. Tyson continues anyway. “I mean, it was fine, I guess. We won, so.”

“Just fine?” Madison prods.

Tyson hesitates. “Weird,” he says after a few seconds. “It was weird. Feels like a Twilight Zone episode, honestly. Like I woke up one day in some other life that everyone else swears didn’t happen. Like, you get traded, and everyone expects you to immediately fit in with this new locker room, and be all in with your new team. As if all the games played with your friends never even happened.”

Madison doesn’t know what to say to that. It must be weird to have to effectively sever all ties with your best friends. To know and trust the face across the faceoff dot from you. She probably couldn’t handle it if she were in Tyson’s place,

“I’m sorry, Tys,” she murmurs, for lack of anything better to say. “It’s business, but business is shitty.” 

Tyson huffs in agreement. Madison’s wearing the hoodie she stole from Tyson, and she tucks her nose underneath the collar. It doesn’t smell like Tyson any more. 

“Hey, is now a bad time to ask if we can have phone sex?” Tyson asks.

Madison bursts out laughing. “Yes, Tyson, it’s a terrible time.” Tyson whines a little at her. “Though,” she adds, “I am wearing one of your hoodies.”

Tyson groans. The few times Madison had worn something of his around him, it usually wasn’t long before the clothes ended up back on the floor.

“Now you’re just being mean,” he says. His voice is muffled like he’s buried his head underneath a pillow.

Madison yawns again.

“You need to go to sleep,” Tyson tells her gently.

“No,” Madison protests again. “Tell me more about Minnesota,” she pleads. “I’ve missed listening to you.”

Madison can’t read Tyson’s moment of silence, but he starts doing as he’s told, telling Madison more about his hotel, about the food in the locker room after games at Xcel Center and how different it is from Denver, about all the different personalities on the team, until Madison falls asleep. 

Madison wakes up to a dead phone. She plugs it in while she showers, and she immediately checks her call log. Tyson had kept talking for well over an hour. He texted her, too, after he’d hung up. Miss you, promise we’ll talk more soon.

Madison responds the only way she knows how: 🖤.

April

The end of the season passes in a blur after that. Tyson settles in as best he can, but he feels like he barely has time to catch his breath. With the end of the season and the playoffs looming, there’s no time for Tyson to find a real place to live, so he’s still holed up in the hotel, living out of suitcases.

Time moves differently in hotels, he swears, the days blurring into one another. Tyson no longer knows what day it is; it’s only travel day, or game day, or rarely, a day off. 

The Wild are winning more than they lose, and Tyson manages to pick up some points here and there. It could be worse. At least it’s not, like, Buffalo. 

The team goes on the road for the first time since he got there, and it’s a good chance for Tyson to get to know everyone a little better, spend some time out of his generic hotel room—even if he goes back to another generic hotel room after each dinner out with the guys. He makes a point to call Madison as much as he can, which is almost every night after he crashes into bed and turns on some shitty TV. 

Their phone calls end up lasting for hours. Tyson realizes that he and Madison spent more time hooking up than really getting to know each other. It’s nice to take the time to just talk and learn things about Madison. Tyson feels himself falling in love more with each phone call.

Tyson talks about his family—his sister, his mom, his grandparents. How much he misses them with the long seasons away. How much he’s looking forward to going home to Alberta when the season ends. He doesn’t tell Madison that he wants to bring her home with him this summer, not yet. 

Madison tells Tyson about everything: her job (graphic design and marketing for a local business Tyson vaguely thinks he recognizes), her family (two sisters, one of whom Tyson briefly met), and her favorite movies (Lord of the Rings, but Tyson could have guessed that). When she tells him she likes to bake, Tyson immediately demands that she sends him some. He’s not even sure if he can get mail at the hotel, actually. Not important.

Tyson throws himself into hockey, though he’s not sure how much it shows. He’s determined to make this work, to stick and make a difference in Minnesota the way he never quite could in Colorado. He tells Madison this, too, voicing fears about his future in hockey that he’s never even let himself think about too much. 

The Wild plays the Avalanche again in St. Paul on the last day of the season. Tyson’s dreading it. He’s privately more than a little glad that they’re not playing the Avs in the first round, but he still can’t help but feel like he should be there instead, still on a powerhouse team poised to take on the postseason, not the underdogs.

Tyson calls Madison a week before the game, laying in bed, fresh off a single assist in back to back wins against Vancouver and Seattle. Tyson can hear the smile in Madison’s voice when she answers. Tyson’s chest hurts with how much he misses her.

Which is probably why he blurts, “Can you come to Minnesota?” 

Madison’s quiet for so long Tyson pulls his phone away from his ear to make sure the call didn’t disconnect. 

Finally, she says, “Tyson, I can’t just drop everything and fly to Minnesota.” “No, I know, I just meant next week,” he says. “We play the Avs again.”

Madison knows that, this time. She’s actually started paying attention to the Wild—mostly just Tyson, though—since April started.

“That’s a Friday night, Tys,” she tells him. “I’d have to take off work for the day.” She could, probably, without too much fuss. She just wants to hear Tyson beg a little. She’s still a tiny bit hurt by the way he stonewalled her after the trade. 

“I’ll pay for your plane ticket!” Tyson adds. That wasn’t really Madison’s point. “I really want you to be there, I need to see you again.” 

Madison already knows she can’t tell Tyson no. She sighs and drags her laptop towards her. She starts searching for plane tickets. “Just for the game on Friday, or am I allowed to stay the whole weekend?” she asks.

Tyson scoffs. “Like I’d let you leave after one night when I haven’t seen you in two like two months.” He’s already planning on only leaving the hotel room except for practice and maybe to finally take Madison on an actual date. Actually: “Hey, pack something nice to wear. I still owe you a date.”

Madison laughs. “How nice are we talking?”

“Oh, baby, I’m gonna wine and dine you so hard,” Tyson says, breaking off into laughter before he can even finish the sentence. 

Madison spends the next week, alternating between excited and anxious. Excited because she hasn’t seen Tyson in weeks, and she can’t wait to be able to kiss him again. She’s not sure why she’s even worried. She and Tyson have already spent months doing almost everything couples do, just without the label. They already know they work well together. Adding a label shouldn’t change things. 

She goes out and buys a new dress the day before her flight, after frantically deciding that nothing in her closet was good enough for a first date.

“He already knows what you look like,” her sister Emma points out. “It’s not like you have to worry about him liking you. Also, he’s colorblind.”

Madison ignores her (annoyingly correct) sister and spends almost over an hour in the mall. She carefully packs the new dress at the top of her suitcase before zipping it up and leaving it by her front door. She’s so excited she can hardly sleep.

It’s not a long flight from Denver to Minnesota, but Madison’s not used to flying, and the whole affair has her stressed beyond belief. It takes her unbelievably long to find her gate, and even though she got to KDEN plenty early, she still worries that she’ll be late. It’s a relief when she can finally settle in her seat. She turns on a Disney movie she doesn’t really watch and counts the minutes until she can see Tyson again.

Except then she can’t find her luggage, and Tyson’s supposed to be picking her up and isn’t answering her texts. It takes her twenty minutes to find out that another passenger mistakenly took her suitcase and has brought it back, and Tyson still hasn’t responded to tell her that he’s waiting.

She makes her way outside anyway, following the signs towards parking. Her hands are too full with her carry-on and suitcase to reach for her phone to call Tyson, but when she steps outside her terminal, she recognizes the person behind the wheel of a car just pulling up to the curb.

Tyson has the car in park and is jumping out before Madison can take another step. She’s so overwhelmed she bursts into tears.

She drops her bags to launch herself at Tyson, wrapping her arms around his neck. He doesn’t stumble, just slides his arms around her waist and hugs her back.

“Whoa, whoa, why the tears?” he asks, wiping one away with his thumb. 

“I just really missed you,” Madison mumbles into his shirt.

Tyson presses a kiss to her hair. He unwraps one hand and reaches for the handle of Madison’s suitcase. “Well, let’s get you in the car, and then we can talk, yeah?” he says. He doesn’t wait for an answer, letting go of Madison fully to swing her suitcase into the trunk. Madison slips into the passenger seat while he throws her carry-on in, too, before he’s jogging back to the driver’s side. He leans across the console to kiss Madison’s cheek.

“Missed you, too, by the way,” he says.

Madison feels silly for crying now. Everything always seems better when Tyson’s around, and right now is no exception, with the windows rolled down and Tyson singing loudly—and badly—to the song on the radio. Tyson reaches for Madison’s hand, and she lets him slip his fingers between hers. Something restless in Madison’s chest settles when he touches her. 

They don’t much as Tyson drives, the city flashing by out the car windows. It’s been ages since they saw each other, but they talk almost every day; there’s not much to catch up on. Madison likes it, the comfortable quiet between two people who know each other well. 

Tyson apologizes for the fact that he’s still living in a hotel on the elevator ride up to his room. 

“Tyson, I don’t care where you’re living, I’m just glad to be able to see you again,” she tells him.

Tyson blushes, but he also boxes her in against the elevator wall to kiss her properly for the first time since she got off the plane. Madison trails after him as he heads down the hallway and pushes open his hotel room door with a dorky sweep of his arm. 

The room’s bigger than Madison expected, with a kitchenette that doesn’t look like it’s been used at all, and a little couch and desk near the TV. Madison can see the bed, sheets rumpled and twisted like Tyson has never bothered to make it in the weeks he’s been here. Tyson’s watching Madison survey the room like he’s nervous. 

“So, what’s next?” Madison asks. 

With the game last night, Tyson didn’t have skate today, but she’s familiar enough with his game day routine to know he should probably be napping soon. She could go for a nap herself. Madison doesn’t wait for an answer, just dumps her carry-on bag on the couch and wanders over to the bed. Tyson follows, still rolling Madison’s suitcase behind him. Madison flops backwards onto the bed. The sheets smell like Tyson.

“Well?” she asks, raising one eyebrow at him.

Tyson scrambles onto the bed after her. He drops to his elbows above Madison and leans down to kiss her, eager and not exactly gentle. Madison reaches up to thread her fingers into his curls. She runs her fingers through his hair once, twice, before closing her hand and tugging. Tyson groans into her mouth, but he gentles the kiss. They make out until they’re both breathless, and Tyson has to pull away. 

“I really should nap,” he says once he catches his breath. Madison tilts her chin up for another kiss. Tyson rolls his eyes but obliges, just a quick peck. He shifts his weight to one hand and pinches the outside of Madison’s thigh with the other. “C’mon, I wanna cuddle.”

They both clamber up the bed until Madison can collapse onto the pillows. Tyson collapses on top of her. 

“Oof, bud, what the hell,” she manages. Tyson’s heavy, and it’s hard to breathe. 

“Told you I wanted to cuddle,” Tyson says back, face smushed into Madison’s collarbone.

Madison pokes Tyson in the ribs, then again, harder, when he doesn’t react, until he sighs and squirms off her. Her reprieve doesn’t long, though, because Tyson immediately reaches out for Madison and pulls her close. She rolls onto her side to face him, and he grins at her. 

“You’re an idiot,” she tells him.

Tyson’s grin only grows. “Yeah, but you like me.”

Madison slides a hand around the back of Tyson’s neck and kisses him. 

When Tyson's alarm goes off later, they’ve shifted in their sleep, and Tyson’s half-laying on top of Madison again. He slaps at his phone without moving and somehow manages to snooze the alarm. 

“Not ready yet,” Madison mumbles, wrapping an arm around Tyson and keeping him close. He huffs a laugh against Madison’s skin. 

“I’ve gotta get ready, baby,” he says. He kisses Madison’s shoulder.

Madison should probably get up, too. She wants to shower the plane funk off and make herself presentable for the game. But Tyson’s bed is really comfy. Tyson rolls off of her, and Madison whines at the loss of her human blanket.

Tyson shoots her an amused look. He leans back over Madison to kiss her one more time, but he avoids her attempts at dragging him back to bed. Madison pouts up at him. It doesn’t work. She watches from the bed as Tyson gets dressed in his gameday suit. He kisses her goodbye before he leaves. 

Left alone in the eerie silence of the hotel, Madison forces herself out of bed and into the shower. She brings her Bluetooth speaker with her, blasting one of her playlists loud enough to be heard over the water. She emerges in a cloud of steam to dig through her suitcase for the outfit she’d packed for tonight. She doesn’t own anything Wild-branded, and she doesn’t think wearing Tyson’s old Avalanche hoodie would go over too well. She’d had to buy something new for this, too: an amazing fleece-lined green corduroy jacket that she’d probably live in come fall. 

She takes the opportunity to poke around the hotel room a little, looking for traces of Tyson in the unfamiliar space. One of the blankets from his apartment was thrown carelessly across the foot of the bed. His ukulele sits on top of the desk. Madison hangs her date-night dress up in the little closet and finds her own good luck note to Tyson taped to the door. The kitchenette is full of Tyson’s snacks, including some of Madison’s favorites. It’s not much, but it’s enough. 

Madison eventually makes her way to the Xcel Center. She’s met by someone’s significant other outside—it’s a blur of faces and names she can hardly keep track of—before they head to their seats. She’d gotten used to the atmosphere at The Can, and Xcel Center is different but the same. It’s easy enough to settle into the rhythm of the game and the crowd. The game is wild from puck drop, but Minnesota manages to pull out a win. Tyson even scores the game winning goal. 

She follows the rest of the girls downstairs to the family room after the game. She’s restless, full of energy after the game, with no outlet for it. She all but tackles Tyson when he pokes his head in, stripped down to his base layers, but his curls still plastered to his head with sweat. 

“Whoa,” he says, steadying her as they tumble out into the hallway. He’s grinning at her, cheeks pink. He lets Madison pin him up against the wall opposite them. “Hi.”

Madison kisses him, before she can blurt something embarrassing, like, “I love you,” or, “That goal was hot.” Tyson makes a surprised noise into her mouth but kisses back easily, his hands tightening on her hips. He pulls away after a minute.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” he whispers, kissing her temple. Louder, he says, “JT has requested to see you.”

Madison’s a little surprised, but pleased, to hear that. She’s hung out with JT a handful of times since she met him back in January, but she doesn’t think she’s talked to him since Tyson got traded. It had always felt more like JT was just a friend of a friend she got along with.

Tyson drags her down the halls towards the visitors’ locker room, JT’s already waiting for them, leaning against the door frame and messing around on his phone. Unlike Tyson, he’s dressed in clean clothes. He looks up as they approach and grins at them. Tyson doesn’t let go of Madison’s hand. 

JT ropes Madison into a one-armed hug. “Think you’re Josty’s good luck charm. He’s scored twice now at games you’ve been to.” Tyson sticks his tongue out at JT.

Someone from inside the locker room yells Tyson’s name, and he’s momentarily distracted. JT leans in closer to Madison.

“Take care of our boy, yeah?” he says, quietly so Tyson, who’s still talking to someone else, won’t hear. “He needs you.” 

Madison’s not sure how to respond to that. She’s saved by Tyson remembering they’re there. JT smacks a kiss to Madison’s cheek and nudges her back towards Tyson. 

“See you around?” he asks Tyson.

“C’mon, you know you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Madison watches them hug, and then Tyson’s leading her back down the maze of hallways. He says something to her before dropping her off outside the family room, but she doesn’t really hear it, lost in her own thoughts, thinking about JT’s words.

She’s still thinking about what JT said when Tyson rejoins her, as they make their way back to the hotel, up the elevator and into Tyson’s hotel room. She and Tyson move quietly, easily, around each other as they start to change out of their game-day clothes. She’s still lost in her thoughts when Tyson hooks his chin over her shoulder, startling her as she’s taking her makeup off. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks. He looks worried. “You’ve been quiet all night.”

Madison shrugs. “Nothing.”

Madison watches in the mirror as Tyson’s brow furrows further. “Did something happen?” Madison knows he’d been worried about how the Wild WAGs would receive her.

She shrugs Tyson’s chin off her shoulder, suddenly annoyed. “No, Tys, nothing happened.”

Nothing did happen, unless you count JT Compher’s casual words sending Madison into a spiral. 

Tyson slides between Madison and the sink. He crosses his arms. “I don’t believe you.”

Madison rolls her eyes, but gives Tyson a quick peck, before hip checking him out of the way so she can brush her teeth. Tyson watches, still suspicious. Madison ushers him towards the bed. He sits and drags Madison into his lap. He frowns up at her.

“Tys, really. Everything was just overwhelming, I guess.” Also not a lie; she’d never been to a hockey game as Tyson’s girlfriend—or, almost-girlfriend—and everything had been overwhelming in a way she hadn’t expected. Most things had been the same, but sitting with the rest of the wives and girlfriends and listening to them ask her questions about her life and job had almost felt like a well-meaning interrogation. 

“Promise?”

Madison kisses Tyson, slow and gentle. “Promise.”

She yelps when Tyson flips them suddenly. He rolls on top of her, propping himself up on his hands. Madison can tell that he’s not letting this go.

“Then what’s wrong?” He chews nervously on his lower lip for a moment. “And don’t say nothing, I know you’re lying.” 

Madison huffs. “Just something JT said.” She shoves at Tyson’s shoulders, but he doesn’t budge. His glasses are crooked from his acrobatics, and Madison reaches up to adjust those next. He swats at her hand.

“I’ll kill him,” he says confidently.

“First, I think JT would beat you in a fight,” Madison says. Tyson makes a noise of protest, and Madison slaps a hand over his mouth. “Second, it wasn’t anything bad, I don’t know, just made me think.”

Tyson pries Madison’s hand away. “Tell me, tell me, tell me,” he says.

He’s distracted enough that Madison can hook a leg over his hips and flip them back over. She settles across his lap as Tyson blinks dazedly up at her.

“He asked me to take care of you, said you need me, whatever.” Madison’s trying to brush it off, as if she hadn’t spent hours thinking about it, as if she doesn’t feel uncomfortably seen. Far too vulnerable for something that was supposed to just be a hook-up way back in November. 

They’ve come a long way since November.

Tyson’s face clears. “What do you mean, ‘whatever?’” He surges up to kiss Madison before he continues. “Of course I need you. I fucking miss you constantly. I’ve wanted literally nothing but to be around you, like, all the time since, like, December.”

“Oh.” Madison should have realized that, maybe. It’s different to hear Tyson lay it out like that. “I didn’t realize,” she whispers. Tyson grins up at her. “You did kinda ghost me for a while there,” she points out.

Tyson groans. “I am never gonna hear the end of that, am I?” He runs his fingers through Madison’s hair, tugs a little at the ends. “I panicked because I was terrified of losing you, remember?” He punctuates his sentence with another gentle kiss. His hand slips from Madison’s hair to her waist, underneath her T-shirt. He’s missed the feeling of her underneath his hands. An emotion Madison can’t read crosses his face for a second before he says, “Do you—do you not—?” Feel the same way, is what he means to say, but can’t quite get out.

Madison understands him, anyway. “No, God, Tyson, no.” She hesitates; she supposes they’re laying it all on the line here. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Tyson surprises her by bursting out laughing. Hurt, Madison tries to squirm out of Tyson’s lap, but he reels her in and kisses her until she melts into his hands.

“Baby, I’ve been in love with you since you showed up at my door for a Lord of the Rings marathon.” He giggles a little and kisses Madison’s nose. “We’ve done this all backwards, haven’t we?” 

Madison giggles a little too and nods. “I don’t think we’re very good at all this,” she whispers.

Tyson shakes his head, still laughing. “We’ll get better. I mean, look at us, we’re already communicating more!”

Madison kissed him again to shut him up, but by then they were both too busy laughing to take it much farther. Madison collapses to the sheets next to Tyson, letting herself dissolve into giggles. It feels good to laugh like this with Tyson, the last bit of uneasy tension Madison didn’t even know existed disappearing at last. Madison feels delirious with it: the stress of the last few weeks, the long day of travel and hockey, the raw vulnerability of finally being honest with Tyson.

They laugh for longer than the situation warrants. Tyson eventually heaves a sigh and turns his head on his pillow to look at Madison, eyes uncharacteristically serious. Madison sucks in a breath and forces herself to stop laughing.

“I mean it, you know,” Tyson says. “I’ve been falling for you for a long time.” He looks thoughtful for a moment, props himself up on an elbow. “I guess this means you’re officially my girlfriend now, huh?”

“Huh, guess so.” Tyson beams at her. “Don’t think this gets you out of wining and dining me tomorrow, though,” she threatens. 

Tyson leans down to kiss Madison. “I don’t put out on the first date,” he murmurs.

Madison drags him closer, slots her mouth against his again. “Bit late for that, babe.”

Madison wakes up late the next morning, bright sunlight streaming through a gap in the curtains. Tyson’s already awake, sitting up against the headboard and fucking around on his phone. He never got dressed besides finding his boxers, and his glasses are slipping down his nose. He grins down at her when he realizes she’s awake. 

“You’re a dork,” Madison says, rolling over to bury her face in a pillow again. Tyson pokes her shoulder blade, and she turns her head enough to glare at him. 

“Brunch in bed, or go somewhere?” Tyson asks, poking Madison again.

Madison’s not wearing anything, either, and she’d have to shower and fix her hair before they could leave the hotel room. “Bed,” she says, burrowing back into her pillow. Actually, it might be one of Tyson’s pillows. It’s hers now.

Tyson chuckles and rolls out of bed to hunt down the room service menu. He orders a bunch of stuff that they can share, but makes sure to include an omelet for Madison. He learned a while ago that she always has to have an omelet with breakfast. He’s also learned not to question it. He jumps back onto the bed. Madison bounces with it, and turns once more to glare at him. 

Her hair’s a disaster, and Tyson thinks he can see a hickey he left low on her neck. He loves her so much. He remembers he can tell her that now.

“I love you,” he blurts. Madison’s face softens. “Also, breakfast in thirty.” He tugs a little on the sheet where it’s slipping down Madison’s shoulders. “Plenty of time for…”

“For what, Tyson?” Madison asks. She’s laughing, now, and she rolls over, letting Tyson slide between her thighs and kiss her, slow and easy. 

He has to fish his boxers out of the sheets again when room service knocks on the door, but it’s worth it.

Madison drags herself out of bed after they eat. Tyson’s promised her plans all day, so she and Tyson take turns showering and making themselves presentable. Tyson holds Madison’s hand from the door of the hotel room until they reach his car, and even then, he only lets go after he opens the door for her and kisses her on the cheek.

It’s a warm spring day, and Tyson drives with the windows down through downtown St. Paul. He refuses to tell Madison where he’s taking her.

“Can we at least get coffee if you’re going to kidnap me?” Madison whines.

“I don’t think it’s kidnapping if you willingly got in the car,” Tyson points out mildly. He pulls into the next Starbucks drive-thru he sees, though, so Madison’s pretty sure she wins the argument.

Placated with caffeine, she stops pestering Tyson for details, but it’s only another few minutes before he’s turning into a parking lot for Como Park Zoo.

“Oh my God, are you serious?” Madison asks. She’d idly mentioned, a while ago, that she wanted to visit the Denver Zoo when it got warmer. She had no idea that Tyson would remember that.

Tyson smirks at her. “I think it’s a little smaller than Denver Zoo—”

Madison cuts him off. “Shut up, it’s gonna be great.”

And it is great. Madison all but runs between animal exhibits, and Tyson’s more than happy to be dragged along by the hand, even though he thinks his nose is getting sunburned. They entertain themselves by naming the animals after his old teammates.

“You can’t name them all EJ,” Madison says at one point. 

“Well, why not?” Tyson argues. Madison…doesn’t have a good argument for that, actually.

There’s gardens, too, and they wander through those after they’ve looped around the zoo, holding hands the whole time. Madison’s pretty sure she enjoys the flowers more than Tyson, but he waits good-naturedly when she stops to point out a pretty flower or to take some pictures. It all feels like a date, which Madison supposes it is, actually.

“Hey, wait,” Tyson says suddenly, after Madison stands back up from taking a photo. “We should get a picture of us.” He snatches Madison’s phone from her hand. 

There’s an older couple nearby, and Tyson approaches them with a smile. Madison can hear him asking if one of them would mind, “taking a picture of me and my girlfriend?” She’s sure she’s blushing when Tyson comes back over and winds an arm around her waist. She smiles obligingly at the camera next to Tyson, and doesn’t even flinch when he turns and smacks a kiss to her cheek for the last one.

Tyson’s gracious and sweet as he takes Madison’s phone back, but he turns on Madison with an evil glint in his eye.

“Shut up,” Madison says, turning and walking away from Tyson so he can’t see that she’s still blushing.

Tyson jogs to keep up, spinning around and walking backwards so he can keep smirking at Madison. “You liked hearing me call you my girlfriend, huh?”

“Shut up,” Madison says again.

Tyson steps in front of Madison suddenly, blocking her path completely. She bumps into him. He’s still grinning. “Get used to it fast, because I can’t wait to tell everyone you’re my girlfriend.” Madison claps a hand over his mouth before he can literally start yelling about it. Tyson pries her hand away and uses it to pull her in for a kiss.

“I love you,” he murmurs. The novelty of hearing that from Tyson hasn’t worn off, either.

Madison kisses him again because she can. 

They head out not long after that. Tyson starts insisting that they can’t be late for their dinner reservation, even though it’s still early afternoon. Madison lets him take her by the hand again and all but drag her back to the car. 

She’s suddenly tired once she’s sitting back in the passenger seat, the sun and the walking catching up to her. She rests her head on the window while Tyson drives, fighting back a yawn. Tyson still catches her, and he reaches across to poke her in the thigh. She swats half-heartedly at his hand.

“Do I have time to take a nap?” Madison murmurs.

“What? No way!” He pokes Madison harder. “I’m supposed to be wining and dining you, remember?” 

“But I’m sleepy,” Madison whines. She’ll rally, probably; she needs to complain a little first. Tyson pokes her harder.

“That’s not allowed,” Tyson says. It’s not a long drive back to the hotel, and they’re most of the way back there already. Tyson checks the time on the dashboard. There’s still a few hours before their dinner reservation. “Okay, how about a mini nap?” he allows. “But we’re setting like three alarms.” 

It’s important to him that he still gets this first date right, even if they have done their entire relationship backwards. They got to the right place in the end, though, right?

Madison crashes into bed as soon as they’re back in the room. Tyson considers her for a moment. She’s already wriggled under the sheets, but she’s lying directly in the middle of the bed.

Tyson collapses on top of Madison. He catches himself at the last second so he doesn’t completely crush her, because he’s nice like that. Madison giggles, but she squirms and tries to elbow Tyson.

Her voice is muffled into the pillow as she tries to say, “Get off me.”

Tyson lets his weight press her further into the mattress. “Nope, ‘m comfy.” He does fish his phone out of his pocket to set an alarm and roll off Madison. He pulls Madison close as soon as he lands on his side next to her. “Shh, sleep now.”

They’re both jolted awake half an hour later when Tyson’s alarm goes off. Madison whines and presses closer. Tyson kisses the top of her head where she’s tucked under his chin.

“We need to get up,” Tyson whispers. Madison blinks sleepily up at him. 

Tyson forces himself to disentangle himself from Madison. When she doesn’t get up after him, he grabs her by the ankles and drags her to the end of the bed, ignoring her laughter and shrieks.

Tyson follows Madison into the bathroom after she digs her makeup bag and curling iron out of her suitcase, plops himself down on the marble countertop of the sink. Madison raises her eyebrow at him as she plugs the curling iron in and turns it on. Tyson beams at her.

“I wanna watch,” Tyson says simply, still smiling innocently.

He does watch, intent on Madison as she starts to section her hair.

“What’s that for?” he asks. He hands Madison a hair clip.

She brandishes the curling iron at him. “So it’s easier to curl.” 

Tyson’s quiet for a few more minutes before he slides Madison’s makeup bag closer and starts pawing through it. He pulls items out one by one and starts asking questions, mostly more of, “What’s this for?”—a makeup sponge, eyeliner, one of those jumbo eyeshadow crayons—until most of the contents of Madison’s makeup bag are strewn across the counter around Tyson. 

“Are you proud of yourself?” Madison teases. Tyson snaps a compact of blush shut, surveys the damage he’s done. Madison’s momentarily distracted by Tyson’s shenanigans, and one of her fingers brushes across the hot barrel of the curling iron. “Ah, shit,” she hisses.

Tyson’s immediately serious. “Are you okay?” He grabs at Madison’s hand, bringing it close to his face to inspect her finger. Madison bites her lip to keep from laughing. Tyson frowns before carefully pulling Madison’s finger to his lips, kissing it gently. “There. All better.” 

“I love you,” Madison hears herself saying. She’s not used to being able to just say it. Tyson beams at her again.

Tyson behaves himself while Madison finishes her hair and makeup, though he does giggle at the faces Madison pulls while she’s trying to apply mascara. He even helps put away all the makeup he got out. He finally hops off the counter to start getting ready himself.

Madison grabs his wrist when he reaches for the bottle of hair gel. “Nope, I’m rescinding your gel privileges.” She dies a little inside every time she sees a new photo of Tyson and his curls smothered in gel. Tyson squirms, trying to free his hand; Madison tightens her grip.

“Just a little?” Tyson pleads. 

“No, I like your curls!” For emphasis, Madison cards her free hand through Tyson’s curls.

Tyson grumbles at her and tries to tamp his hair back down. “You’re gonna make it frizzy,” he complains. Madison is still tightly holding onto his wrist. “Ugh, fine, but just for tonight.” 

Madison releases his wrist and kisses Tyson’s cheek as she steps past him out of the bathroom. Tyson blinks at himself in the mirror, wondering what the hell just happened.

Madison’s changed into a dress when Tyson finally makes his way out of the bathroom, too, sitting on the edge of the bed to slide on a pair of heels. She watches Tyson change with a small smile on her face. Tyson takes Madison’s hand and pulls her to her feet, twirling her once before pulling her close for a kiss.

“Let’s fucking do this,” Tyson says, and Madison has to laugh.

Dinner is pretty nice, as first dates go. Tyson picked a good restaurant—good food, nice environment, but not so fancy Madison feels out of her depth—and Madison already knows that he’s good for conversation. The good thing about falling in love before you actually start dating is that you’ve already gotten the awkwardness and discomfort out of the way already, Madison supposes.

She’s even mostly immune to the sad eyes Tyson directs at her as he pleads his case for getting dessert. Mostly. (They end up splitting a slice of tiramisu.)

The weekend passes too quickly. Madison blinks and suddenly she’s standing in the middle of Tyson’s hotel room, trying to figure out if she’s forgotten to re-pack anything. 

“Stay,” Tyson begs. “A few more days, through the beginning of the series.”

“Tyson, I can’t, I have to get back to Denver for work, you know that.”

Tyson does know that, but he also hates coming back to a dark and empty hotel room every night after games. He tries to tackle Madison to the bed, but she side-steps Tyson and crosses her arms at him, disapproval in her eyes. Tyson feels a bit like a scolded child for a moment. 

“What if I refuse to drive you to the airport, huh? Then you’ll have to stay.” Tyson knows it’s a weak argument, but he’s desperate here. 

Madison’s glare softens. She cups Tyson’s face in her hands. “I’m sorry, Tyson, but I really have to go. I’ll see you soon, okay? We’ll figure something out.” She punctuates this with a kiss. Tyson leans into it, his hands tight on Madison’s waist. 

“Soon,” Tyson repeats. “I love you,” he adds.

Madison kisses him again, and Tyson slips a hand beneath her shirt, her skin warm beneath his hand. She shudders and kisses him harder. They both startle when the alarm Madison set to make sure they leave for the airport on time goes off. Tyson tries to follow her when she pulls away to silence it.

“Time to go,” Madison says sadly.

After Tyson drops Madison off at Departures, he’s grateful that she’s not there to see him wipe away some tears. 

May

Madison sees the Avs’ WAG jackets on Instagram the night they start the first round. The WIld had played the night before, an ugly loss Madison hadn’t been able to tear her attention away from. She could have had one of those jackets, sitting next to Syd and all the other girls. Instead, she’s back in her apartment in Denver, alone. 

She wishes she could have stayed in Minnesota with Tyson for the first two games of the series. She gets a text from Tyson after the game that’s just a thumbs down emoji. Madison “dislikes” it out of solidarity. Tyson doesn’t call her that night. Madison has to remind herself that it’s okay, that they don’t have to talk all the time.

She watches anxiously two nights later as the Wild drag out a win, clutching a glass of wine for emotional support the whole time. 

Before she can think too hard about it, Madison’s opening her laptop. She’s in the middle of searching flights to St. Louis when her phone rings. It’s Tyson, and Madison doesn’t hesitate to answer.

“I miss you,” she says, before Tyson can get a greeting out. She has perhaps had a little too much wine. 

He chuckles. “It’s been less than a week, baby.” But then he adds, “I miss you, too.”

Madison shoves her laptop away and flops backwards on her bed. Last minute plane tickets are so expensive. So are playoff hockey tickets, apparently. She wonders if it would be easier to just drive to St. Louis.

“Wish I could be there,” she says next, even though she had just turned down Tyson when he’d asked her to stay. 

“Yeah, me too,” Tyson says after a beat. He doesn’t offer to fly Madison out again, though Madison can tell he wants to.

She doesn’t tell him that she’s only a few clicks away from buying herself tickets and meeting him in Missouri. Though she should probably do it while she’s not sober, before she can talk herself out of it in the morning. 

“Oh, good game, by the way,” Madison remembers to say.

Tyson huffs. “Are you already in bed?” Tyson asks. Madison can hear him banging around his hotel room, tinny and muffled where her phone has slid off her pillow. 

“Sorta,” Madison tells him. She pulls her laptop closer again. She could fly out after work and make it to the arena without missing too much of the game, probably. She winces again at the outrageous prices for the game. There aren’t even any good seats left.

Tyson speaks again. “Go to sleep, we can talk in the morning. I just wanted to say good night to you.” 

“In a minute,” she whines. She’s trying to remember her credit card number without having to get up and dig it out of her purse.

Tyson must hear her keyboard clacking. “What are you still doing on your computer?”

“Online shopping,” Madison lies. Well, half-lies. She is spending plenty of money right now. She triple-checks that her flight is booked correctly and that she purchased the ticket for the game before she finally slams her laptop shut and tosses it aside. “There, I’m done,” she tells Tyson.

“Buy anything good?” Tyson asks through a yawn. 

“Hope so, we’ll see.”

On Friday, Madison rushes off the plane, rushes through baggage claim, and rushes through renting a car. She’s cutting it close on time, with less than half an hour until puck drop. She drives as carefully and quickly as she can on the unfamiliar roads to the arena, one eye on the clock the whole time. The streets and parking around Enterprise Center are a fucking nightmare, but when she finally parks and makes it to the front doors, there’s still lines of people milling about, waiting to get in, too.

Madison checks her watch. Puck dropped five minutes ago. She pushes around a group of people who are somehow already drunk and towards the front of a line. All hockey arenas are the same, in a way, but Madison is immediately overwhelmed and disoriented. The first period is half over by the time she manages to get to the upper level and settle in her seat, but at least she finally made it. 

Madison takes a photo of the ice and texts it to Tyson with her usual black heart emoji. He’ll see it eventually. 

Madison has to keep herself from cheering too loudly for every Wild goal, surrounded by Blues fans as she is, and she’s probably one of the only people in the arena who’s happy when the Wild manage a neat win. 

She follows the throngs of people outside and back to her rental car. She has a text from Tyson waiting for her, just a string of exclamation marks. Another text comes through while she’s waiting for traffic to thin out, a request for Madison to call Tyson in all capital letters. Tyson’s breathless when he answers Madison’s call. “What the hell are you doing in St. Louis?” 

“Surprise?” Madison says weakly. 

Tyson laughs. “Hell of a surprise, babe.” He must pull his phone away from his ear, because Madison can still hear him speaking, but distantly. “Hang on, I’m trying to get you the address of the hotel, you can meet me there, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Madison says. Tyson’s gone again, not really listening.

“Hey, I’ve gotta go, I’ll text you where to go, and I’ll see you soon, okay?” He hangs up without letting Madison reply, but he texts again seconds later with the name and address of the team hotel. 

Madison is anxiously idling in the hotel driveway when the team bus pulls in behind her. Tyson bounds off the bus almost before it comes to a full stop, and he races over to Madison’s car door and taps on the window.

Madison rolls down the window. “And what if it hadn’t been me in the car?” she teases.

Tyson is reaching through the now-open window to try and unlock the door, his tongue sticking out the way it does when he’s focusing on the ice. “I would have apologized. A lot.” He successfully presses the unlock button and yanks the car door open. “Come here, come here,” he says.

Madison laughs and climbs out of the car. Both of her feet aren’t even out of the car before Tyson’s sweeping her up in a hug so tight she swears she can feel her ribs shift. He sets her down and immediately cups her face.

“You’re here, I can’t believe you’re here.” Tyson narrows his eyes, and he squishes Madison’s cheeks where he’s still holding her face. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were coming.” 

Madison pries Tyson’s hands away enough to talk. “I wanted to surprise you.” Tyson’s teammates are still filtering off the bus, and they should probably move inside, too. “Can you let go of me so I can get my bag out of the trunk?” she asks.

Tyson considers this. He slides one hand down Madison’s arm until he can tangle their fingers together. He also leans into the car and deftly turns it off, holding the keys up with a grin. He nudges the door shut. “We can get your bag out of the trunk.” He proceeds to drag Madison around to the back of the car and drags her suitcase out of the back with his free hand. He stares between the suitcase in his hand and the open trunk before Madison takes pity on him and slams the trunk shut.

Madison hangs back while Tyson hands the car keys off to a valet, and then he’s dragging her towards the elevators, happily rolling Madison’s suitcase in front of him. At least the rest of the Wild players have all disappeared, sparing Madison from their stares and jeers. She tucks herself closer to Tyson in the elevator, suddenly self-conscious. Tyson kisses her temple.

Madison is suddenly exhausted as soon as they enter Tyson’s room. Tyson flips the light on as Madison kicks off her shoes. Tyson left the curtains open earlier, and Madison can see the Arch, lit up above the river, through the window. She’s too tired to give it more than a half-hearted glance on her way to face-planting into the pillows. 

Tyson’s laughing when she rolls over and brushes her hair out of her face. “I’m so fucking happy you’re here,” he says, jumping onto the bed next to Madison, and, really, that’s all that matters.

The Wild lose the next game at Enterprise, and Madison holds Tyson tightly for a long time in the hall outside the locker room before he has to get on a plane. They lose again at home, then yet again back in St. Louis. 

Just like that, hockey season is over. 

Tyson calls Madison after the last game. He sounds like he’s been crying, but he tries to be cheerful for Madison. She just wishes she could hug him, but she’s back in Denver. She knows the Avs swept the Predators already, and they’ll be facing St. Louis next. It’s not difficult to imagine how Tyson feels about that. 

“Come home with me,” Tyson blurts. He’s on the phone with Madison, getting ready to leave his Minnesota hotel room behind. He survived locker cleanout and exit interviews, and now he’s ready to sleep for about a week.

Madison, in the middle of complaining at work, freezes. “I—what?” She takes another moment to process. “Aren’t you coming back to Denver first?” Madison knows his apartment sits half-abandoned, filled with things too difficult or unnecessary to move after the trade. 

“Well, yeah, but like, after. You should come home with me,” Tyson repeats. He’s been dying to introduce her to his mom for months. He hopes his mom likes Madison as much as he does. He is a little worried about his sanity if Madison and Kacey get along as well as he thinks they will, though. 

“I’ve never been to Canada before,” Madison says thoughtfully. She’s barely travelled abroad at all, except for one trip to the UK after she graduated high school. Her passport has been collecting dust since then. 

“So you’ll come?” Tyson asks. 

“Is there even anything to do in Edmonton?” Madison teases.

“There’s so much to do, like—” Tyson pauses. It’s been a while since he’s had to play tourist back home. Madison is giggling on the other end of the line. “Shut up, we’ll figure something out.”

Tyson feels like he can breathe properly for the first time in months when he steps out of the airport in Denver. He wonders if any place will ever feel like home the way Denver does.

Tyson had managed to wheedle JT into picking him up, and he even brought coffee. Tyson ignores the way it almost feels like an apology. JT has nothing to be apologizing for, but Tyson just sips his coffee. 

The apartment smells stale when they walk in. Tyson’s mom had done a good job of cleaning for him, at least, and there aren’t any dirty dishes still stacked in the sink. He and JT are quiet as they walk through the apartment, opening windows. Tyson feels like he’s walking through someone else’s life. He stares for too long at his bed, freshly made and untouched for weeks. 

He shakes it off and goes to find the moving boxes.

“So, this is it, huh?” JT says.

He could be talking about all the boxes they’ve spent the last few hours filling boxes and separating them into piles to be shipped off to Minnesota—Tyson finally signed a lease for an apartment there—or to be sent back home for his family to deal with. An alarming amount of Tyson’s clothes is Avalanche-branded gear, and more of it got packed away to keep than Tyson is willing to admit. 

He could also be talking about the end of everything they’ve known together in Denver. Tyson’s spent years accepting the fact that hockey is a business before everything else, has gotten used to the revolving door of teammates each season. It’s been a long time since Rookie House days with Kerf. Tyson is going to walk out that apartment door, and he’s never going to be able to go back. A chapter—or book, really—in the story of his life ended for good. 

Tyson sighs. “This is it.”

The apartment is stripped bare when Madison steps through the door, left unlocked by JT and Tyson.

She drops her laptop bag and kicks off her shoes, saying, “You should be more careful, anybody could just walk in here.”

Tyson drops the box he’s holding and whirls around. Madison winces as its contents rattle. There’s no time to say anything else before Tyson is bounding across the room and wrapping her in a huge hug. 

“What, no hug for me?” JT asks from somewhere behind them. Tyson turns to glare at him, but Madison shoots him a smile.

“Hey, JT,” she says. She lets JT drape an arm around her in a half-hug.

“Betrayal,” Tyson says. He is ignored. 

They leave most of the boxes for the moving company to deal with. Madison bundles Tyson into her car with his bags of clothes, complaining the whole time about wanting dinner. She lets Tyson hold her hand across the console as she drives him to her apartment. 

It’s not the first time Tyson’s been to Madison’s apartment, but it still feels strange to be there instead of his own. They’ve spent so much time there the past few months, watching movies on the couch, doing things other than sleeping in the bed. He misses it already, all the memories they made as they fumbled their way into a relationship. 

He says as much to Madison, expecting her to tease him for something so objectively dumb—to miss an apartment he lived in half of the time for like six months—but the look she gives him is almost sad.

“That’s a bit dramatic,” she says. Tyson pulls her in by the hips, letting her lean her weight on him. “But I guess we’ll just have to keep making more memories, yeah?” 

Later that night, tangled up in Madison’s sheets, Tyson stares at the dark ceiling. He can feel Madison, looking rumpled and in his shirt, watching him. She nudges his calf with her toes. He doesn’t look at her, focused on keeping his eyes from welling up. Then Madison’s hand is on his cheek, turning his head towards her.

“How you doin’, bud?” 

Tyson lets Madison pull him close and hold him tightly. He slides a hand under her shirt and to the bare skin of her hip, just feeling the comforting warmth of her skin. 

“What if it’s never like this again?” Tyson whispers back. This—Denver and the Avalanche, friends who become family; Madison in bed next to him, loving him and wearing his clothes. Minnesota had been okay, but Tyson worked his ass off and never felt settled. Maybe it was the endless hotel life, maybe it was the team, maybe it was him. He feels like a child, begging his mom to tell him everything was going to be okay. 

Madison doesn’t know how to comfort Tyson. It probably never will be like this again. Madison can’t see the future, and she can’t promise Tyson anything, either. “I don’t know, baby,” Madison admits. “I don’t know.” 

Tyson doesn’t cry, but they both lay awake for a long time. 

June

They fly into Edmonton together on Friday. Tyson seems nervous the whole flight and all the way through the airport. At baggage claim, as they wait for their suitcases, Madison turns on him.

“What’s up with you?” she asks. Tyson blinks at her like he forgot she was there. “You’re not seriously this worried about me meeting your family, are you?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know!” Tyson crosses his arms. He’s pretty sure his suitcase just spun past them on the carousel. He lowers his voice. “I don’t really bring girls home, I don’t know. I don’t know how this is supposed to go.”

“Oh, Tys. It’s going to be fine, I promise.” Madison tosses her hair, and Tyson manages a weak smile. “Your family is going to love me so much they’ll forget you even exist.”

“Hey!”

Tyson had lobbied hard for taking an Uber from the airport, to give Madison and himself a few last moments of peace before a week with his family, but his mom had put her foot down and insisted on picking them up. She’s already idling at the curb when they step out of the airport.

Madison calls shotgun, leaving Tyson to throw their suitcases in the trunk and slide into the backseat. His mom is in the middle of telling Madison, “Call me Laura, please!” Madison turns in her seat to grin at Tyson as his mom pulls away and starts driving out of the airport. She refrains from grilling Madison on the short drive home, something Tyson is grateful for. He zones out while Madison explains where she grew up and what she does and lets himself relax back into his seat.

Before he knows it, they’re pulling up to the house, and Kacey is sprinting out the front door to greet them. Tyson groans, but he eagerly shoves his car door open before the car is in park and lets Kacey jump on him. 

Madison gets out of the car at a more leisurely—and sane—pace, and Kacey turns to wrap her in a hug as soon as she lets go of Tyson.

“I’m Kacey,” she says, pulling away and gripping Madison by the shoulders. “The better Jost sibling.”

Tyson pulls on Kacey’s ponytail. She smacks him in the chest without turning around. Tyson’s about to lunge and get Kacey in a headlock when their mom yells, “Behave,” at them from the front door.

Madison’s looking faintly overwhelmed. Tyson mouths “You okay?” at her over Kacey’s shoulder. Madison just grins and lets Kacey grab her by the hand and drag her inside. He’s pretty sure he hears Kacey telling her how much their grandparents can’t wait to meet her as they go. He shakes his head and retrieves their luggage from the trunk.

He’s missed all the introductions by the time he makes it inside. Madison sits on the couch next to Kacey, the spot on Madison’s other side left conspicuously open. Tyson ignores Kacey’s smirk and plops himself down next to Madison. 

“So, how did you two meet?” Tyson’s grandpa asks.

Tyson refrains from glaring at him. Madison laughs next to him.

“He picked me up in a bar, and I had no idea he was a hockey player,” she says. Tyson had almost forgotten about that part. “We kinda just…kept seeing each other after that.” 

That’s a delicate way of putting it.

“So you’re the reason Tyson ditched us over Christmas, huh?” Kacey asks next. She’s smirking again, directed straight at Tyson over Madison’s head. Tyson has not forgotten that part, struggling to lie to Kacey and his mom.

“Kacey!” Tyson and his mom both protest, but Madison just laughs again. Something about the question melts all of the tension out of her shoulders. She turns a little to lean against Tyson.

“Yeah, that was me,” Madison says. Tyson can’t see her face, but she doesn’t sound very sheepish. She tilts her chin to look up at Tyson. “I should’ve known something was up when he couldn’t go more than a few days without seeing me.” “Hey,” Tyson protests again, weakly. She’s right, though. They really should have figured out their shit sooner, but they got to the right place eventually. 

Conversation drifts away from the topic of their relationship after that. Tyson drapes an arm across Madison’s shoulders. After a while of catching up—Tyson and hockey season, or Kacey and her school year—mixed in with his family asking Madison questions to get to know her better, Tyson’s mom and grandma head to the kitchen to start preparing dinner.

Madison tries to follow and offer to help, but Tyson tightens his arm around her. He kisses her forehead, whispering, “Stay here,” into her hair. Madison stays.

They’re getting ready for bed later—banished to separate rooms, of course—when Madison notices Tyson getting nervous again.

“What’s up?” Madison asks, sliding between him and the bathroom sink. They’re pushing it, probably, spending this long in the bathroom with the door closed. 

Tyson shrugs. “Worried about you and Kacey spending all night gossiping.” They’d really hit it off over dinner, which Tyson is simultaneously grateful for and horrified by. From the look Madison gives him, she’s not buying it. “It’s just…the Avs are in town tomorrow night, and I got tickets, and you don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to, but I want to go, and—”

Madison cuts him off with a hand over his mouth. “Tyson, I’d love to go to the game with you.”

Tyson relaxes again, and Madison moves her hand. Tyson takes the opportunity to bully her up against the sink and kiss her. Tyson’s just getting into it when Kacey bangs on the bathroom door. He’s pretty sure he accidentally bites Madison’s lip when he jerks away. Madison grumbles at him, but she ducks around him to open the door. Tyson tries not to whine about it.

Going to the game together the next night is strange. Tyson hasn’t been to Rogers Place and not been playing a game since he was a kid, probably. Madison had never really been to a hockey game before she’d met Tyson, and she’s definitely never gone to a game with Tyson. 

They mostly go unnoticed, except for a handful of people who stop Tyson and ask for a picture. Madison hangs back while he politely smiles at the camera. It’s easy to fade into the crush of the crowd, and Tyson keeps a tight hold and Madison’s hand as they make their way through the concourse and to their seats.

After that, it’s just like any other hockey game. Cheering for the Avalanche is familiar, even if the way Tyson is squeezing Madison’s hand at every single scoring chance is not. She’d tease him for his nervousness, especially because the Avalanche are winning easily, except for the fact that she knows it had to be hard for him to come out tonight. To cheer for his old team, his friends, knowing that with every win they’re one step closer to something he can’t be a part of. 

So she lets him hold her hand as tightly as he wants. It’s the best she can offer. 

They don’t linger after the game. Tyson seems eager to escape the arena, and Madison lets him lead her back to the car. He puts on a Spotify playlist and turns the volume up loud, but he’s mostly quiet on the drive to the house, one hand on the wheel, one hand on Madison’s thigh.

Madison gets caught up talking to Laura when they get to the house, and she loses track of Tyson for a while. He’s not upstairs in his old bedroom, or even bugging Kacey in her bedroom. Madison ventures outside. Tyson has dragged a lawn chair out to the driveway, but he’s laying on his back on the cold concrete, staring up at the dim stars. The moon is just a sliver in the sky. 

Madison nudges him with her foot. He wraps a hand around her ankle, squeezes once.

“You alive down there?”

Tyson makes a sound that almost passes for a laugh. Madison is pretty sure his eyes are wet, shiny in the dark. Madison lays down next to him. The concrete is hard against her shoulder blades, and it feels damp through her thin T-shirt. 

“This fucking sucks,” Tyson says. It’s too loud for how late it is, and his voice echoes a little around the quiet street. He rubs a hand angrily across his face. “I want to be out there, playing for the Cup, not fucking sitting in the arena watching them. I guess I should be happy for them because they’re my friends, you know? But I kinda want to hate them, too.” He’s quiet for a moment. He reaches for Madison’s hand, brings it to his mouth to press a kiss to her palm, before settling their clasped hands on his chest. “I might not have asked for a trade if I had known it would be this shitty,” he admits.

“It’s okay to be mad, Tyson,” Madison says gently.

“It’s not—I don’t know if I’m mad. I wish I could be.”

“It’s okay to be sad, too,” she says.

“Yeah,” Tyson says, voice thick. 

They’re both quiet for so long, Madison’s half-certain Tyson’s fallen asleep, if not for his occasional sniffle. He sits up after a while, still holding Madison’s hand. Even in the dark, Madison can see him yawn.

“Ready for bed?” Madison asks.

Tyson nods. “D’you think I can sneak you into my bed?”

He pulls Madison to her feet as she lets out a startled laugh. Tyson kisses her quiet. “I’m willing to get in trouble if you are.”

The house is dark when they slip back inside. They giggle their way through brushing their teeth, close together at the bathroom sink, elbows bumping. Tyson shushes her loudly as they tiptoe carefully down the hall. Madison’s pretty sure he’s being louder than her, but whatever.

Madison wakes to an empty bed and late morning sunlight. She can hear Tyson’s voice drifting up the stairs. That boy truly does not know how to be quiet. Madison has an Instagram notification when she swipes her phone off the bedside table: josty17 has tagged you in a post. Madison frowns and unlocks her phone, wondering what unflattering photo of her Tyson took. Instead, it’s a photo Kacey or Laura must have taken the morning before. Madison’s laying on top of Tyson on the couch, Tyson visibly complaining that he’s being squished, despite the fact that he had pulled Madison on top of him. He captioned it with a black heart emoji. 

Madison makes her way downstairs. Tyson sits at the kitchen table, arguing with Kacey over something stupid. He reaches a hand out for Madison without stopping whatever he’s ranting about. There’s a fresh mug of coffee in his hand, already doctored the way Madison likes it. Tyson uses his now-free hand to loop around Madison’s waist and tug her onto his lap. She hooks her arms around Tyson’s neck and sips her coffee, content to listen to this argument, even though she’s still not sure what they’re arguing about. She thinks she hears something about which fruit would make the best weapon. 

It might not be easy, but Madison thinks they’ll be just fine.

[aesolerin]

So, a dd2 class guide (of all things) ended up bringing me to some really fascinating realizations when it comes to how Baldwin and Sarmenti are foils to each other, so of course I can't help but share it with you.

Short Version: Leper and Jester as characters contrast themselves in terms of personalities compared to skills. These seemingly in-built contradictions are the exact opposite of one another, which is likely why they synergize so well from both a narrative and game mechanics perspective. The makes them a duo of complimentarily contrasting contradictory characters. (yeah, try saying that five times fast)

Long Version: As we both know/adore about him, a key feature of Baldwin as a character is his selflessness, this key desire he has to help and serve others, while his own personal happiness instead comes from the simple joys of life. In his backstory he went out of his way to comfort his sick citizens, killed off his advisors to keep his kingdom safe before abdicating, and even now the reason he wants to die fighting is to help others succeed in their goals with all the skills he has available.

It's super interesting, then, to look at what said skills actually do - heal himself, mitigate his own inaccuracy, protect himself from shuffling via immobility - all things prioritizing self-reliance first and foremost. Out of his ten DD2 moves, only two can be said to have some level of 'party support' mixed in - Purge to clear corpses, and Intimidate to weaken enemies (and remove stealth when upgraded). And even they exist first and foremost to mitigate the blindspots in his own fighting style. Altogether, even as this seems to contradict his actual values as a person, it wouldn't be wrong to frame his entire kit as selfish in nature.

To put it another way, Baldwin personally goes out of his way to help others by prioritizing himself first.

Compare this, in turn, to Sarmenti - a character narratively defined by selfishness (eg; his desires, his ignited ambitions, his prolonged suffering, his current suicidal death wish, plus any other impulse or whim he has at any given moment). And yet, his skills are almost entirely support-focused, with even a lot of the damage-dealing ones being less about the damage and more about applying debuffs and combo tokens to the benefit of the team. It's such a selfless prioritization of others that he has barely anything left in his toolkit that focuses on either his own survivability or his damage-dealing capabilities. (His main exception being Finale, which one could still argue is selfless in how it leaves him immediately vulnerable and slow after he's likely nuked an enemy from any possible rank - meaning the ideal is for other people to take advantage of this.)

As such, Sarmenti's selfish desires and goals lead him to greatly prioritizing the group's benefit over himself as an individual.

And it's this nature as foils, this reversal/mirroring of each other's innate contradictory natures, that make Jester and Leper such a complementary duo both in terms of personality and combat synergy.

idk, that's just how I came to look at 'em in my pretentious academic perspective on the ship, lol. you got any thoughts brought up by it??

oh man, this is such a fantastic analysis, i feel like there's nothing more i really need to add! i do have some thoughts though:

looking at this and thinking about it, yeah isn't it just a bit odd that the selfless Leper barely aids his team, and if anything eats up a lot of the resources they put out? man eats combos like he needs them to live because he kinda does. but oh man, if you take care of Leper he will take care of you tenfold. he rewards selflessness with his strength.

i think his skills could also be viewed not as entirely selfish, but as self-reliant. gently turning down Vestal, Occultist, Plague Doctor's, any sort of healing and simply fortifying himself, allowing them to heal someone not as strong as him or attack with their own skills. using Purge to both strike down a foe and clear corpses so someone else doesn't have to nor can their enemies take advantage of it. let him weaken a foe and draw their ire with Intimidate, he has the strength to take it.

and Jester is such a fun contrast to think about, his top-tier supportive skills vs his snarky and biting personality. all that setting up and dancing he does, the grand orchestra he plays, why doesn't he make himself the star? i think he'd insist it's because he's a twig in a clown costume, why should he be drawing the enemy formation's attention? the faster the warm bodies between him and those bastards cut said bastards down, the better. hence, a selfless skillset for selfish reasons. there is probably some element of fun/humor to it, too. man's Silly.

and together, they work perfectly in sync. Jester wants those bastards dead before they hit him, Leper will smite them out of existence if given the opportunity. Jester will give him those opportunities, Leper will strike down their enemies. also they kiss. nature is beautiful.

[shamandrummer]

Shamanic Extraction Healing

Shamanic extraction is a powerful healing practice rooted in ancient traditions, aimed at removing spiritual blockages or intrusions that cause illness and disharmony. This practice has been part of shamanic traditions across various cultures for thousands of years. Understanding shamanic extraction involves delving into its history, techniques, and the underlying philosophy that connects the physical, spiritual, and emotional realms.

The Origins of Shamanic Extraction

Shamanic extraction can be traced back to the earliest human societies. Shamans, as the intermediaries between the physical world and the spiritual realm, have been using this practice to heal individuals and communities. The core belief is that illness and negative emotions often result from spiritual intrusions or energies that do not belong in the body. By removing these intrusions, shamans restore balance and harmony.

The Role of the Shaman

Shamans are highly trained practitioners who undergo rigorous initiation processes, including vision quests, fasting, and learning from elder shamans. They develop the ability to enter altered states of consciousness to perceive and interact with the spiritual realm. In shamanic extraction, the shaman acts as a conduit, channeling healing energy and using their spiritual allies to identify and remove the intrusions.

The Process of Shamanic Extraction

Preparation and Diagnosis: The process begins with the shaman diagnosing the patient. This can involve traditional methods such as divination, consulting spiritual guides, or simply observing the patient's energy field. The shaman determines the nature and location of the intrusion.

Entering an Altered State: Shamans use various techniques to enter an altered state of consciousness. These can include drumming, chanting, dancing, or ingesting sacred plants. This state allows the shaman to perceive the spiritual world and engage with it.

Extraction of Intrusions: In this altered state, the shaman locates the spiritual intrusions within the patient's body. Using their spiritual tools and allies, the shaman extracts these intrusions. This can be a physically and emotionally intense experience for both the shaman and the patient.

Healing and Integration: After the extraction, the shaman channels healing energy into the patient to fill the void left by the removed intrusion. This step is crucial to prevent the re-entry of negative energies. The patient is then guided through a process of integration, helping them understand the experience and reinforcing the healing.

Techniques Used in Shamanic Extraction

Soul Retrieval: Often, shamanic extraction is combined with soul retrieval, a practice that involves reclaiming lost fragments of the patient's soul. These fragments might have been lost due to trauma or prolonged stress.

Energy Clearing: Shamans use various methods to clear stagnant or negative energy from the patient's body. This can include the use of feathers, crystals, or other sacred objects.

Rituals and Offerings: Rituals play a significant role in shamanic practices. Offerings to spiritual allies and deities are made to seek their assistance in the healing process.

Benefits of Shamanic Extraction

Physical Healing: By removing spiritual intrusions, shamanic extraction can lead to significant improvements in physical health. Many individuals report relief from chronic pain, fatigue, and other ailments.

Emotional and Mental Well-being: The practice helps in releasing negative emotions and thought patterns. Patients often experience a sense of liberation and emotional clarity.

Spiritual Growth: Shamanic extraction facilitates a deeper connection with the spiritual realm, promoting spiritual growth and a better understanding of one's life path.

Holistic Balance: This practice restores balance across the physical, emotional, and spiritual dimensions, leading to overall well-being.

Contemporary Shamanic Extraction

In modern times, shamanic extraction has found its place alongside conventional medicine and psychotherapy. Many practitioners integrate it into holistic healing practices, recognizing its value in treating conditions that conventional medicine may not fully address. Workshops and training programs are available for those interested in learning this ancient art, making it accessible to a broader audience.

Ethical Considerations

Practitioners of shamanic extraction must adhere to strict ethical guidelines. Consent from the patient is paramount, and the practice should always be conducted with respect, integrity, and a deep understanding of its spiritual implications. Shamans must also ensure that they are adequately trained and that their practices are in harmony with the cultural traditions they originate from.

Conclusion

Shamanic extraction is a profound healing practice that transcends the physical and touches the very essence of our being. Its roots in ancient traditions provide a rich tapestry of wisdom and knowledge, offering a holistic approach to healing that addresses the spiritual causes of illness. As interest in holistic and spiritual healing grows, shamanic extraction continues to be a valuable tool for those seeking deep and lasting healing. Through the dedicated work of shamans and the willingness of individuals to embrace this ancient practice, shamanic extraction remains a beacon of hope and transformation in the modern world.

[sifu-kisu]

Secret Book: Tai Chi Ball Dragon Walk Thirteen Styles

The 13 dragon-shaped Tai Chi ball movements were introduced by Wudang Taoist priests, and are a combination of the essence of Tai Chi theory and basic stances. Tai Chi is a combination of the inner family's Hunyuan Qigong, with the movement of Qi as the inner five forms and the movement of form as the outer five forms, forming the opening and closing of the Yin and Yang Qi. It is also a method of seeking tranquility in motion, and one must calm the mind and enter tranquility everywhere. Therefore, a round ball is used for rotation, and one must concentrate on the surface of the ball. When practicing Tai Chi ball, the mind follows the Qi, the Qi follows the strength, the essence follows the Qi, and the Qi follows the spirit. Then, dynamic Qi is sought from the stillness, achieving the combination of movement and stillness, the combination of Yin and Yang, the combination of water and fire, the effect of smoothing the Qi and strengthening the heart, relaxing the Qi and blood, and benefiting the kidneys and replenishing the blood. It is indeed a health care method for prolonging life.

Gradually experience it in practice. Holding the ball for exercise is like the ball attracting the body to the ball. There are sliding force, centrifugal force and other forces. The person moves with the ball, stretching and generous, often feeling refreshed, and having the beauty of sweating and moistening the body. The thirteen forms of Tai Chi ball dragon form are short and powerful, easy to learn and practice. Fast or slow, high or low, upper, middle or lower, all three are OK. Single form is the pile method, and continuous form is the walking method. Do not lose or top, do not reach or leave. It is derived from the twelve zodiac signs of animals in the distant past, and is applied to the seven meridians, eight channels, five elements, and four tips in the near future. It is not only the round movement of Tai Chi, but also has the eight methods of Baguazhang and the five forms of Xingyiquan.

The old, middle-aged, young, and infants can all exercise with Tai Chi balls. It can be adapted to the individual and the location, and can even be exercised on a round tabletop. When exercising, you can initially use a mud ball, a leather ball, a wooden ball, a hydrangea (pompom), or a basketball or a football. It is best to use a ball made of agarwood, because agarwood can draw qi into the Dantian. When people exercise, agarwood can enter the lungs through the nose, which is very beneficial. The size of the ball is best based on the width of the person's chest. The diameter of the ball is generally about 30 cm.

Practice

The first posture: holding the moon in your arms

This is the Wuji Yangxin Posture. The body squats down to the horse-grip posture, the ball rotates left and right in the arms a few times, and then walks (Figure 1-2).

Second Style: Push the Window to Look at the Moon

This is a method to strengthen the kidney and waist. Hold the ball with the right hand, and change to the left hand in the Chinese style. (Figure 3-5).

The third move: White Crane Spreads Wings

It is a method of relaxing muscles and replenishing qi. From the second posture, the left hand holds the ball, and the right hand holds the ball. The middle posture is the left hand holding the ball (Figure 6-9).

The fourth style: the moon is supported by all the stars

It is the method of the mutual generation of the five elements. The next three steps are as follows (Figures 10-13).

The fifth posture, Left and Right Offering Moon, is to control the waist and let the strength reach the spine. The following three postures of Offering Moon are followed (Figures 14-17).

The sixth posture, Sunrise Kuncang, is based on the twelve central nervous systems, followed by the three postures of lifting the ball (Figures 18-21).

The seventh style, the prodigal son kicking the ball, is mainly based on moving the hips, the toes and the heels. The following four kicking postures are connected (Figures 22-26).

The eighth posture, Reaching the Moon from the Bottom of the Sea (right), is mainly based on the strength of the shoulders, elbows, and wrists. After the middle posture, continue with the Reaching the Moon posture (left) (Figures 27-29).

The ninth posture, Two Dragons Playing with a Pearl, is mainly to train the head, hands, and feet. From the middle posture to the falling posture (Figures 30-32).

The tenth posture, Chasing the Monkey Upside Down, is mainly to promote diuresis in the small intestine. The first posture is the middle rotation posture, the second posture is the fall posture (Figures 33-35).

The eleventh posture, Five Dragons Twisting the Sea, is based on the dragon form, focusing on the unity of the five internal and external forms. The following four postures are followed (Figures 36-40).

The twelfth posture, the Deer-crouching Horse Stance, is mainly to mobilize the waist, legs and joints of the whole body. The following three postures are followed (Figures 41-44).

The thirteenth posture, Dead Tree Roots, focuses on moving the lower body and waist. It is similar to serpentine movement. The three postures of lower body connection (Figures 45-48).

If you restore the posture, you can return to hug the moon in your arms. You can also restore the posture freely.

Action march diagram

The first posture "Holding the Moon in the Arms" moves forward as a straight line. The second posture "Opening the Window to Look at the Moon" moves forward as a left-right dividing line.

The third move "White Crane Spreads Wings" also has left and right lines.

The fourth posture, "Stars Holding the Moon", is to turn from the four directions, and then from the cross holding the moon to the midpoint (see Figure ④).

The fifth style "Left and Right Offering the Moon" is divided into left and right lines.

The sixth form "Sunrise over Kunlun" is to lift the ball from the center to all directions, which is the center dividing line (see Figure ⑥).

The seventh form of "Prodigal Son Kick" consists of five postures in horizontal and vertical lines, and the ball is kicked in five directions.

The eighth style, “Fishing for the Moon in the Bottom of the Sea”, is a long horizontal line.

The ninth move, "Two Dragons Playing with a Pearl", involves sucking the ball from left and right to the center opposite side (see Figure 9).

The tenth move, “Chasing the Monkey Backwards”, involves turning from the back and moving horizontally in a long line.

The eleventh posture, “Five Dragons Twisting the Sea”, is to twist the sea using the Bagua rotation method from a circular circle (see Figure 1).

The twelfth posture of "Deer Crouching Horse Stance" is performed with the Seven Star Stance (see Figure 2).

The thirteenth move, “Dead Tree with Roots”, is performed in the shape of a dragon (actually a snake-walking move) (see Figure 13).

[rockofeye]

What advice would you say to anyone about initiation into vodou? Asking because the loa told me I not only needed to initiate but marry (Agwe tawoyo) urgently and I have noticed an abundance of good changes since my readings but this all came with a lot of unexpected news and I would like advice about how to make sure I have the spoons to make it through the path to initiation without getting so upset.

Hi,

So, I regard having to do anything as huge as kanzo and maryaj lwa urgently as something that needs a lot of push back. There are very, very few reasons things with that much life change and spiritual significance need to hurried, and even then a solid houngan or manbo can help slow the process down. The only real reasons I would entertain hurrying for would be imminent death of the person asked to do those ceremonies or their child, or crippling, life-threatening illness...and there are still stopgaps that can be employed to prolong life and give enough time to plan and mount those ceremonies. There is a lot of time and effort that go in, nevermind money.

So, I would want to know why the need for urgency. Because the lwa want it that way is not a good reason; the lwa must respect their people and negotiate for what they want. If folks allow, the lwa will make immediate demands but it is a houngan/manbo's job to help negotiate that and help you stand your ground. I would also ask what they are seeing as urgent; is that with a year? Within five years? Time for spirits is different than time with us.

I also recommend a lot of slowness before initiation. Before someone even considers going into the djevo, they should be present and active in the community that will support the initiation for honestly years. Go to lots of ceremonies and observe, get your hands in the work, meet the members of the house and see if you vibe with them. Spend a lot of time with the person who would mount the initiation for you and learn who they are. Get to know the spirits. Without all of that, you are being dumped in the deep end without knowing how to swim. The work of initiation can never be undone, so choosing wisely and with a lot of discernment is necessary.

With maryaj, it is very often not just one spirit; it is multiple to hold us in balance, provide the optimal protection, and prevent destructive jealousy. Many houses do all those spirits in one ceremony to reduce the need for more and to conserve money. Marrying only one risks needing to do more ceremony in the future to appease unhappy lwa.

Additionally, you wouldn't marry a person you didn't know quite well so you shouldn't be marrying spirit who you don't have at least passing familiarity with. Forging relationships is important. And, maryaj comes with requirements that affect current or future intimate partners. Maryaj and kanzo also have lifelong obligations that need to be met over time.

Just because spirit lays something down as a need, urgent or otherwise, doesn't mean you should immediately pick it up. They cannot and should not demand immediate answers and need to respect your free will. An ask does not mean you have to do it and, quite honestly, does not mean you should. Spirits ask for lots of things, and sometimes the answer is yet but sometimes the answer is no.

I also would want to know why they want initiation. What do you gain from it? They gain a lot, but what's in it for you? How are they going to help you? How do you and your life benefit from this?

The lwa can definitely pave the way after giving big news but that also doesn't mean you should say yes or that it would be beneficial for what you want for yourself. Running fast into something like initiation or permanent bonds of marriage with spirit is a recipe for disaster. Too often people are in a hurry, and then things go poorly for them. Initiation should not be then first thing done in the religion or the first motion of participation in a community. It should be a natural development of growth.

You can't make sure you have the spoons to make it through these processes. Initiation is a difficult, grueling, uncomfortable process that takes you apart and puts you back together, and the process is longer than the actual ceremonies. There is lead up and there is what happens after and it can take awhile for your life to come back to center. If you don't think you have the spoons to do it without it wrecking you or making you upset, you should not do it or should wait until you feel you are more ready.

You additionally can't plan for preparation in any particular way that preserves you because you don't know what the process will require for you. My road to my kanzo required that I shed almost everything important to me; I gave up a job and career path, my home, my car, most of my belongings, and relationships that I had thought were lifelong. That's not the way for everyone but the path to get to kanzo has sacrifice involved. Maryaj is not dissimilar; it required permanent changes to intimate relationships that have consequences if not met.

So...no easy answers. Don't rush, and don't allow pressure from spirits or people make the decision for you. You need a solid foundation before going into either of these ceremonies, and you should not be asked to do things quickly without really specific reasons and after other interventions happen to measure the impact on the situation. You wouldn't jump into life changing processes in other areas without a lot of discernment, so do the same here.

If there is indeed a life threatening situation involved, ask for what can be done immediately to assist in slowing that down or resolving it in a way that does not involve rushing. There are always options.

I hope this helps! Happy to chat more if that feels helpful.

[dollsonmain]

I've forgotten how to sleep and startled myself when I looked in the mirror on my way to bed last night. The eye wells in my skull were very, very visible. Slightly less bad this morning.

So sleep hasn't happened due to both anxiety/stress and the AC having been broken for a while. AC was out for about a week and once it was fixed, I was too stressed about the absences thing at school to sleep the first night, and then too stressed last night because Son broke his school laptop yesterday and we have to tell That Guy today, AND That Guy had gone out partying with friends after work which means he drives home like that in the middle of the night and I always worry he's not going to make it. I can't sleep until I hear the garage door open. If he crashes, with the way he has our finances set up, Son and I are effectively homeless immediately. Part of why I am trying to work. Him not coming home until 1am also prolonged the anticipatory anxiety of having to wait to tell him the problem and get over the aftermath.

And then I woke up at 3am like always and couldn't get back to sleep.

Anyway.

Work stuff ish again

I will not complain about being expected to work 6 hours a day because that's less than a "normal" job anyway, but really at that point I'd rather work a full 8 and get benefits.

I very much think it should be illegal to schedule people juuuuuust under the cut off for benefits to be required by labor law. You should have to either schedule people 40 hours or 20 hours, no in between, IMO. Scheduling someone exactly 20 hours gives them plenty of time to go work SOMEWHERE ELSE for the other 20 hours without having to worry about being scheduled to work 60+ hours a week because both employers are cheapskates that will work you 30 hours.

I also need to completely change my daily routines AGAIN to get to work on time.

My current-new routine is:

wake up at 3:30 and get my morning coffee

sit around and wait for That Guy to leave for work which is usually 4-4:30

Son gets up and we have the morning together

Son leaves for school at 6:50

I don't get hungry until somewhere between 7 and 9 and will have breakfast then

depending on how exhausted I am I will or will not do chores between 5 and 10

leave to walk to work at 10:20

get to work at 10:40/10:45

work 11-3

That Guy picks me up on his way home from work, though I did have to walk home yesterday

do chores

dinner between 4-5 or so

vegetable time

Now, I'm going to have to skip my morning coffee because it makes me poop and I don't want to be pooping while I'm also the only cashier at work.

So it's going to be like....

wake up around 3 and shower OR shower in the evenings and deal with being gross from night-sweats at work so wake up at 3:30, I do prefer to show up to work nice and clean but it is a gas station...

force feed myself some sort of solid food while waiting for That Guy to leave for work around 4-4:30

make sure the boy gets up no later than 5

leave to walk to work at 5:20

get to work at 5:40-5:45

work 6-whenever (she hasn't decided when????)

leave work to walk to home whenever that happens to be and I'd rather it WASN'T noon because it's going to be stupid hot, then, but stop on the store's "porch" to put on sunscreen real fast... which means I need an opaque travel size bottle for sunscreen, and eat something so I don't pass out on the way home (yesterday I took a small bread roll and some jerky and ate that and drank a second V8 Energy while walking)

get home around 1 if I left at noon because the walk home is slower than the walk to work

eat a real lunch? finally have my poopin coffee?

chores

Son and That Guy get home at 3

profit???

I'm going to have to prep and take multiple sugar drinks so my blood sugar doesn't bottom out while at work. Right now I've been taking one bottle of water with a Real Lemon lemonade drink stick mixed in and I forget to drink it but it's there so I can slam it before leaving. I'll need to also take a meal replacement shake got sugar, salt, and other nutrients, I think, and an extra water.

Manager keeps trying to get me to buy something at work before my shift starts and I'm like no thanks those are MY monies, now, you're not getting them back on your overpriced bottled water.

Today I need to do laundry, deal with the fallout of telling That Guy that Son broke his school laptop, go to Kohl's and see if I can find some New Balance cross trainers to wear to work since I will be doing walking, standing, and lifting and I think cross-trainers would be the best option AND already know NB is the brand they primarily carry, need to find a hi-vis vest or couple of belts because I'll be walking to work in the dark, and That Guy said he'd take me to dinner today for leaving me to have to walk home from work Yesterday but what does that matter? That's going to be every day from now on.

A few more paychecks and I'll look for a scooter again. Or something. Still kind of like the idea of getting a cargo trike, ngl. Would be harder to steal than a bike anyway.

I don't know what I'm going to do in the winter.

-

Running a salary and income tax calculator and factoring in about $3k in short-term hobby income, even putting that no tax is withheld, it looks like I'd expect a tax return of $3k? Because there's about $3k in tax credits??? Whatever. I'll figure it out when it's closer to the right time.

[mndlicht]

4n4 maxxing

mostly a reminder for myself but maybe some of y'all will find it useful as well

Weigh yourself every 1-2 days. In the morning. Use an app to track your weight.

Don't forget to body check every morning. Take pics and keep them in a secret app like KeepSafe.

Eat a maximum of 1200 cals.

Drink 2-2.5L daily. Google the exact intake that you need.

Drink water / tea / coffee to make the hunger go away.

Do OMAD. This will make you eat less cals anyways. Stick to a 23/1 fasting window.

Do a prolonged (e.g. 48 hour) fast at least once a week. Don't forget the electrolytes!!!! If you feel sick, end the fast with chicken / vegetable broth.

Get 7.500-10.000 steps a day.

Go to the gym or do home workouts.

Drink apple cider vinegar diluted with water daily.

Drink green tea / nettle tea with lemon daily.

Only drink diet soda!!!!

Keep track of your protein intake to prevent too much muscle loss. Remember, having more muscle mass means you burn more calories at the same body weight than if you had less muscle mass.

Don't eat after 6pm.

If you know that you're meeting up with friends / family and will eat there, make this your only meal for the day. Plan ahead!

Watch mukbangs of f4t people when hungry. Or superf4t vs supersk1nn1.

Watch videos / read about the benefits of fasting to motivate you.

Take your daily supplements!!!!!!!

Have a mint mouth spray with you at all times to prevent bad smell from your mouth.

Look at mealspo to prevent a b!nge.

Allow yourself a metabolism day once a week if you hit a plateau.

If you have more advice, feel free to comment.

[moontrinemars]

TENTH LORD in VENUS NAKSHATRAS

As always, recorded for my own benefit, published for yours. Sidereal placements used. General disclaimer is in my bio. Credit to KRSchannel for inspiring this series.

Find your 10th lord here, and find your 10th lord's nakshatra here.

The 10th house rules our life's honor. It represents the services we perform for society as well as the reputation we earn as a result. It is associated with the father and the career because traditionally, this is where both our standing in society and the role we performed in society would come from - inherited through the father's family line. However, in our contemporary world, this isn't always the case, which is why it's important to know the grander themes at play.

The three Venus-ruled nakshatras are Bharani, Purva Phalguni, and Purva Ashadha.

Venus is a planetary object that represents one's ideals and values. It is where we seek harmony and practice negotiation. We must look to Venus for earthly matters - beauty, pleasure, but also wealth and business. Venus is sensual and romantic, but also practical and tangible. Above all, it is not just about what is appealing, but what is useful. Hence, Venus has correlations not just to the arts, and to music, but also to mathematics, finance, logistics, and real estate.

Do you have your 10th lord in a Venus-ruled nakshatra? That means you...

Priscilla Presley, Carrie Fisher, and Chloe Sevigny all have their tenth lords in Venus ruled nakshatras. Priscilla's is in Bharani, Carrie's is in Purva Phalguni, and Chloe's is in Purva Ashadha.

... rely on your in-born charms, connections, as well as cooperative abilities to navigate public life.

Individuals with this placement are era-defining trend-setters. They have particular opinions about the way everything is done, and are talented at coming up with ways to improve the world, but actually gritting their teeth and implementing real change does not come quite as naturally. Work bores them, but they negotiate brilliantly. They may get distracted by their own need for entertainment.

When it comes to famous natives with this placement, it all boils down to relationships, relationships, relationships. In some cases, this means nepotism babies. It might be that a famous partner or friend puts them in the public eye. Other times it just means they are such a pleasure to work with, people keep recommending them to others in need. It helps that these people are usually generous and willing to lend their services however they can. However, they can fail to take their responsibilities seriously.

More on the specifics of Bharani, Purva Phalguni, and Purva Ashadha below!

If BHARANI RULES the TENTH LORD, you...

Priscilla Presley, Chris Rock, and Ginger Rogers all have their tenth lords in Bharani. Others with this placement are Lucrezia Borgia, Madame de Pompadour, Bono, M. C. Escher, William Butler Yeats, Empress Josephine of France, and Leonardo Da Vinci.

Rely on chemistry - sensual or platonic - with peers to get by.

Generate beginnings and endings more than prolong the current.

Are often asked to shoulder more than a fair amount of burdens.

Help create a workplace that is suited to artistry and comfort.

Have strong opinions and are quick to judgment in office politics.

and you may find...

You alternate between binging and fasting at work, in terms of both food and distractions.

Your profession surrounds you with beauty, or increases yours.

You like to keep your public and private life separate, and are thought of as mysterious or coy in the workplace because of it.

Superiors and peers actually react more favorably to public or professional projects you've procrastinated on.

Traveling for work usually goes poorly for you - everything that can go wrong will go wrong, late flights, traffic jams, accidents, or maybe the journey is so boring it throws you off your game.

You end up interacting with children a fair amount regardless of whether you actually like them or are in a related profession.

BHARANI is the Star of Restraint. Industries and career types favored are those involving food, child and animal care, midwifery, anything involving birth and/or death, event-based entertainment like dance and theme parks, contracting, and the court system.

If PURVA PHALGUNI RULES the TENTH LORD, you...

Lana Turner, Jane Russell, and Bruce Springsteen all have their tenth lords in Purva Phalguni. Others with this placement are Shirley Temple, Gene Kelly, Kim Kardashian, Lucille Ball, Matt Schultz, Michael Caine, and Estelle.

Have a carefree approach to responsibility and public life.

Are naturally adept at networking, making friends with all the right people sometimes unintentionally.

Have a dynamic voice with an effortlessly appealing sincerity that demands to be heard without being overbearing.

Can be reckless, impulsive, and driven by stimulation.

Harbor an underlying vanity, and can react vindictively to those that question or even criticize you in public forums.

and you may find...

You tend to meet your significant others at work or through the public sphere, such as at political events or through the state.

Inheritance plays a role in the way you interact with the public - whether such you leave or such you attain, or maybe even just in that you have to deal with a lot of nepotism in your field.

Superiors irritate you regardless of whether you get along or not, as your independence makes you chafe against hierarchy.

Rule-breaking you might let slide in your personal life agitates you in work and public settings, and you act accordingly.

Drugs or promiscuity may be normalized in your workplace.

You have a unique ability to revive dead projects or projects in hiatus - somehow your presence breathes new life into forgotten, neglected, or even disparaged work.

PURVA PHALGUNI is the Fruit of the Tree. Industries and career types favored are those involving design, music, media, marriage, luxury items, diplomacy, events and performances, products used for cleansing and refreshing, and beauty and clothing of the body.

If PURVA ASHADHA RULES the TENTH LORD...

Elvis Presley, Paul Newman, and Frida Kahlo all have their tenth lords in Purva Ashadha. Others with this placement are Jude Law, Donna Tartt, Peter Steele, Simone de Beauvoir, Nancy Spungen, Robert Duvall, Finn Wittrock, Louisa May Alcott, Jennifer Garner, Stephen Sondheim, and Patti Smith.

Are capable of rising to great heights out of ambition, but may prefer the type and amount of work handled by lower ranks.

Have a strong internal drive to better yourself and your station, but also to reach a higher state of being through the public.

Are faithful and loyal to peers and friends, even to a fault.

Can be driven to great passions by politics and by your career, both out of frustration and out of concern or enthusiasm.

Highly value popularity, and may seek local or national fame as a means of validating your overall worth.

and you may find...

Engaging with the public through volunteering and service has a cleansing effect on you in an emotional and spiritual capacity.

Simply being present seems to fan the flames of excitement of the workplace or in public - whether conflicts or celebrations.

You have a natural intuition for sensing the secrets or fears of coworkers, and of your society as a whole, but this does not extend to yourself - often, you have to have your own flaws or unhappiness pointed out to you by others in public settings.

You feel forced to settle for less than you deserve in return for your service, which leaves you sensitive to having other forms of control taken away, driving you to acting obstinate or inflexible.

Persuasion, especially of peers and the public, comes naturally.

Overseas travel for work or for service actually go more smoothly for you than those that require journeys only over land.

PURVA ASHADHA is the Invincible Star. Industries and career types favored are those involving motivation, management, art, pop culture, processing, hosting, debate, trade, public speaking, water and hydration, and travel or shipping by air and sea.

Hope this was helpful. Feel free to message with any questions, thoughts, or ideas. Part 3, focusing on 10th Lords with Sun Nakshatras, will be next! ♡