#better than butt glands

[rosielindy]

Love the name of the web domain, looking for some relief for the doggo, and maybe myself.

We-ne’er sausage a hotdog. She needs some cold laser therapy. 🌭🐕

[butch-with-a-deep-voice]

HRT and the Mental Changes of Arousal AKA How Horny "Feels"

Alright folks we need to have a conversation about how much your libido changes with transition and hormones because that was NOT talked about with the informed consent program I went through, and it honestly should have been. How I feel aroused now is so drastically different than beforehand, in both subtle and obtuse ways, and it is FASCINATING. This post is mainly going to focus on how libido and arousal mentally feel, but I have anecdotal observations on the mechanical changes if there is interest in that. Strap in, this post is gonna be a long one.

I would like to preface that this comes from my own personal experiences as a trans feminine person. If your experiences as a trans person are different, please by all means I would love to hear your input. I have been on HRT for over half a decade, and have had an orchiectomy (in layman's terms I've been fixed), so my adrenal glands do produce a classically female level of testosterone and I no longer need to be on T-blockers. I'm also demisexual, so my experience with sexuality as a baseline is a little different than most.

As someone who works great in communicating via metaphor/simile, I will provide a detailed simile for both testosterone libido, and estrogen libido. I also want to say I prefer estrogen tenfold. I pick it every single day. While I've met other trans people who disagree, my own experiences with testosterone vs. estrogen fueled libidos will fully bias the similes.

Testosterone Libido: The best way I can describe what testosterone fueled libido felt like is once you hit puberty, you have a monkey strapped to your back. Some people's monkeys are better behaved, others more belligerent. Some are more easily "calmed down", while some are more easy to excite. But at the end of the day, it's still a monkey strapped to your back.

What I mean by that is that you are always going to be aware of a goddamn monkey strapped to your back. Sometimes the little guy is silent. Maybe it's having a nap, or it's awake but contented to just quietly "look around". Every now and then it stirs, maybe someone's butt looked nice in a pair of jeans, and you're like "right, monkey..." Honestly I got so fucking annoyed with that monkey just always being there whether I wanted it or not. It's never not there.

But, then the monkey really wants something. I don't know if you've ever seen a monkey really wanting something on video, but they can get pretty demanding really fast. That monkey that's been piggy backing you starts vocalizing in your ear, screeching even. Hitting you. Pulling your hair. I WANT A FUCKING BANANA HUMAN, GIVE IT TO ME. It gets aggressively loud, often times shockingly fast. It will go from napping to throwing a tantrum in less than a minute sometimes. And all you can do is either ride it out and hope to whatever deity you pray to it calms down, or eventually give it what it wants. Hopefully you're home, and you can quickly get one out so to speak. But until then, how on earth are you supposed to be able to get ANYTHING done when there's a monkey screeching away in your ear and slamming on you.

I'm very fortunate to have been raised by a father who taught me how to ignore that monkey. How to respectfully build a resilience to it's tantrums. But, it was always there still. That monkey made me feel so shameful. I hated how often my libido was always a reminder of how aggressive being horny could feel. How blinding it had the potential to get. Often times satisfying it wasn't even pleasurable. It was so often just "oh my god fine would you please just shut the fuck up?" My relationship with my sexuality was often unhealthy as a result of this experience with arousal.

One thing I will give testosterone over estrogen though? That monkey can only get so loud. There is a "cap" for how aroused I could get with my testosterone-fueled libido. I have yet to find the cap for estrogen.

Estrogen Libido: Libido and arousal now, with a body fueled by estrogen and minimal amounts of testosterone is akin to a fine wine. It is wholly and fully intoxicating. What do I mean by that? Well, let's take an evening of drinking a fine wine that you have theoretically unlimited supply of, and you have a somewhat standard constitution.

With a single glass, you can continue to be normal. You may not even notice more than a pleasant mildly "fuzzy" feeling, and your thought patterns being influenced ever so slightly. Hell, you may not even notice those. Most around you wouldn't even guess that you've partaken. Assuming you pace yourself properly, you can "float" in that pleasant not-even-tipsy state for quite some time. That's the thing with estrogen I found. You can float in the various stages all day if you want to. "Ride the wave" as a number of my sex-positive friends have called it. There's no monkey forcing you to drink more. You can just enjoy a pleasant buzz all day (and I often have).

Let's say you have more wine though. I like to call the next stage silly arousal. You've had two glasses, maybe three depending on your tolerance. You start feeling more... unraveled. You can still think, hold a conversation, act more or less normally. But people who are more tuned in can start to tell you've had a drink. You feel friendlier, sometimes that fuzzy feeling has gotten more full bodied, your eyes linger in certain areas when looking at people longer than you'd like to admit. "Have their lips always looked that kissable?" or "Wow their waist looks really nice in that top." But you still feel like a normal person. You wouldn't say you're Horny with a capital "H", just... pleasantly activated. I will fully admit on days where I don't have to fully be a responsible adult I have floated in this stage all day long before. It's a delicious feeling to sit in.

But what if we indulge further? Usually by this point you are drinking with inebriation being a goal, whether that is a fully conscious or unconscious choice. Beforehand the other two stages can be reached over a classic "wine with dinner" situation. Light flirtation, a mildly steamy romance novel, hell maybe even scrolling through here. Now though you've had a bottle of wine, you're properly tipsy. This is where the metaphor of arousal being an inebriant comes into full swing. For me at least, it is a very full bodied feeling (that's a whole other tangent for the mechanical affects of HRT and sex life). Your judgment, thought patterns, and decision making start being heavily influenced by your mental state. Some with more willpower/constitution are still able to get by around others, you're just "acting funny". Others are so obvious when they drink it's like blood in the water for those who know what to look for. This is the stage where if I want to not make poor choices, I stop drinking so to speak. I put my hand over my proverbial glass if someone offers to pour another. I even leave the party if I have to. Why? Because just like alcohol, the jump from this stage to the next is both subtle and pervasive in how fast it hits you.

We are drinking to get drunk now. Just like the threshold between tipsy and drunk, because of how clouded you already were the transition will really sneak up on you. I get TINGLY all over from it, with sensations all over my body becoming electric. You start saying things that you would never say day-to-day. You stop being able to hide how much you've had. Heavily flirting, getting touchy, biting your lip. You can't really think of anything else outside of just how intoxicated you are. If you're someone who is particularly... self-lubricating you're fully making a wet patch in your clothing. You are DRUNK and holy shit is it amazing. Why would anyone want to not want to feel like this? Not want to healthily engage in this every day if they could? Arousal feels so fucking good with estrogen. You feel amazing, you feel confident, and you are willing to make some truly stupid decisions that you may regret because they feel good in that moment. For me at least, I would say this is roughly the area where that testosterone libido monkey can't get much louder. If arousal could be tracked on a bar graph, testosterone capped somewhere around here for me. Estrogen though...

Just like any night of drinking, you can keep going. You can be drunk, and still keep drinking (only difference here is you aren't going to be completely battering your liver doing so). Just like alcohol, this is where I think anecdotal experiences will begin to vary wildly person to person. As such I will talk about what it's like for me. I won't usually reach this stage and beyond it without the help of another person or heavily engaging in smut/pornography. This is a headspace I'm actively trying to push into. Usually by engaging in intentional denial of the act of sex/climax in some form or another while still "drinking".

Pushing beyond "drunk" arousal starts getting irresistibly pervasive, affecting just about EVERYTHING. I feel quite legitimately high off of it at times. Speech pattern gets warped beyond belief, sometimes outright going non-verbal. The slightest touch can be pleasurable. My vision will warp if it gets intense enough (and interestingly warps differently depending on domme space, sub space, or simply "feral" horny). It sometimes even gets so warped I've been known to "Etch-a-Sketch" shake my head in a futile attempt to clear it up. Being neurodivergent, stims start creeping out of the woodwork uncontrollably, I assume because of nervous system overload. My body will fully begin to "betray me" so to speak. Squirming in my seat, drooling to fully obscene degrees, muscles in my abdomen fluttering because even a stray thought caused enough arousal to engage them. If it's allowed to go long enough I will fully begin to growl or whimper passively under my breath, depending on the type of horny.

All of these are just a handful of examples as to just how utterly intoxicating arousal and libido are now with estrogen. The truly startling part of it is I have yet to find the cap to it. I've yet to go fully down that rabbit hole. Part of me is a little scared to if I'm honest. When you get to this stage and onward, your mental state is frighteningly pliable. That level of "inebriation" has fully created new kinks that I'd not had before (or at the very least were buried so deep they weren't something worth digging up). If you or your partner is someone who can reach this level of intoxicated arousal, please please please handle it with care because being ripped out of it is ROUGH on your nervous system. (ie, sub-drop and domme-drop). There are some true horror stories out there for how intense it can be. But if you can engage it safely and healthily, holy shit is it the best. I legitimately prefer it over actual chemical inebriants (although my intox kink would say otherwise).

So, this all being said, I do want to reiterate that these are simply my experiences with how much arousal and libido changed with hormone replacement therapy. Everyone's bodies will react differently, and if you've also experienced a drastic shift with HRT, and it's different to mine I would love to hear. I also have a lot of points I'd love to make on the more physical aspects, from the viscosity of self lubricants, to the fact that I can now orgasm multiple times with no "get sleepy after cumming" endorphin response. If there's interest I'd be happy to get into those.

Thanks for reading!

[aerbiscuit]

Feelin’ kinda sad because I’ve thought up a new furry fart OC, but I can’t try drawing him for this blog because my art style is too distinctive and I already post non-kink stuff online...

So you’ll just have to hear about him through text!

He’s a half-raccoon, half-skunk hybrid named Ravi. However, ever since childhood, most people have saddled him with the nickname “Rank,” partly because of him being a raccoon-skunk (no amount of “I’m a Skoon!” changed anyone’s mind), partly because his skunk-spraying genes got warped into having constant flatulence instead.

Ravi used to hate being called “Rank,” but once he got into college, he made a few fart-loving friends who called him “Rank” lovingly, almost like it was a point of pride. The change of context was more important than he expected. To strangers and acquaintances, he’s Ravi, but if you’re a pal and can share a room with him after binging on wings and milkshakes, you can call him Rank all you want.

Rank is a cute pudgy guy who, while big in the middle, is pretty short. He doesn’t look like a kid per se, but his size and sweet nature makes everyone love to baby him. The only thing that drives people away is his butt, which - while large and just as invitingly fluffy as the rest of him - is often spewing out the results of his snack binges. He’s got em all: nervous farts, angry farts, silent ones, rumbly ones… Rank’s friends could fill out a catalogue with the classifications.

However, none of his farts beat his “spray” farts. Despite being half-skunk, Rank can’t actually spray. He just doesn’t have the glands for it. But his body must have retained a memory of what it needed to do, as Ravi’s farts do change when he’s angry, threatened, or wants to enact revenge. They get louder, longer, and a LOT more condensed. Those farts will stick to you all day. If he quickly turns around, points his butt at you, and raises his tail…. yeah, you better run.

Let me know if you guys wanna hear more about my new furry guy!

[cellsshapedlikestars]

gonna ramble a bit because I'm having a DAY but putting it below a cut, beware I will be talking about cat health issues/bodily functions/death

So last year around September, I first started noticing Beatrix not eating. 2 months later, she was dead.

Then, when I finally brought Beauregard to the vet again in January, I discovered he has hyperthyroidism. Treatable, but I needed to wait 7 months for the permanent treatment and until then, he's on a twice-daily pill.

I got Sophie in February, and everything is fine.

Last month, I woke up in the middle of the night to Beauregard screaming in the litterbox. He spent the day straining to poop, so I took him to the vet, who told me he wasn't blocked and that it was probably some issue with his urinary tract because he's a 10 year old male cat. Switched me to a different food. I let it go because Bobo pooped again after and I thought everything was fine.

Then I find there's something wrong with Sophie's anal glands. I take her to the vet on Friday, and they express the backed up gland and I'm given a probiotic to feed her.

Then Sunday, Bobo starts straining in the litter box again, but he does poop so I don't think anything of it, until I go to scoop and I swear I see blood.

So I call the vet this morning and the clerk tells me they'll leave a note for the vet. Doesn't sound overly concerned, so I feel better.

Until I get a look at Sophie's butt today and there's a tiny white string hanging out of it - and I had JUST seen a kitten lady post about tapeworm. So I look up more pictures of tapeworm and it looks exactly like what's going on with Sophie.

The vet clerk said to bring in a stool sample, and if one cat has it, they both have it. Which would explain Bobo's poop issues, the blood in the stool, and even Sophie's anal gland issue.

When I say I genuinely felt like I was going insane, like why were my cats having so many issues back to back, what was I doing wrong? And it doesn't help that I still feel a bit traumatized from losing Bea so quickly and so young, even though I feel ridiculous for saying that because it's just a cat, you know? Except they're not, I love these stupid things more than most humans.

There's a part of me that DOES hope it's tapeworm, because then that means there's an explanation for everything. But then - how did they get it? Sophie got a dewormer from the SPCA before I got her, and it's been 4 months since then and I'm only just now seeing issues? I've also given both her and Bobo flea treatments since then (which is apparently how cats get it)

Anyway, I want to cry because I hate this and I'm supposed to be working but I don't care and I'm also vaguely paranoid that they somehow transferred it to me even though apparently that's highly uncommon but I could barely eat my lunch thinking about it

Either way, I need one of these cats to poop so I can take it for testing. Going to spend the rest of my work day stress crying.

also, the next chapter will probably be delayed because I'm in a mood.

[ntls-24722]

Sorry for not posting this, I got busy and then i forgot! Double Daily Music Man for today. Or not. Idk if i will, I'm writing this at 1 am and queuing this to like, 14 hours in the future

None of the music men have completely black eyes, they have white scleras, it just happens to be hidden most of the time, unless they look sharply a particular way. I drew the center zebraelf looking kind of spooked about something to the right, and I wanted to see how it'd look like on the others. So I drew them all judging you.

Also, Cannibalism!

Cannibalism is most prevalent in Debu not because they personally love the taste of their bretheren's flesh, but because it's a funerary practice of theirs.

Only the children, spouses, or close friends of the deceased is permitted to eat them, and it's seen as honorable having many people come to eat your corpse - you achieved so much for your closest circle that without your help, they will struggle, and your corpse will be the last thing you will be able to give to them.

The head and blood is preserved, because the head is where the brain (conciousness) is and the blood is kept so that it can flow into their next reincarnation. Some Debu folklore have stories where reincarnations of the deceased are able to be found again because of an injury that led them to spill their blood, and those who ate the deceased recognized the smell of it. All 3 music men are particularly endowed with a better sense of smell than sight but Debu in particular, on account of being in darkness half their lives.

Decapitated Debu below the cut ↓

Spinnerets!

The Zebrapeople both have functioning spinnerets, but the efficiency of them is very polar. The Zebramen's spinnerets had degraded on their island from lack of use into just 2 little nubs that kind of look like tiny little butts. They still produce silk, but the production of it is also very limited. Their torsos have become more uniform like ours, but there is supposed to be a compartment around the bottom half for the silk glands - not a proper Spider Abdomen™, but a kind of thickness at the lower back. The Zebraelves, have been keeping their spinnerets in greater use and are far more manueverable.

Making anything using dumb Zebraman butts is difficult on account of the leg positioning and how short the spinnerets are, so they do try to extract their silk onto a spool and work with it with their hands. There has yet to be a way to do it yourself that doesn't look really stupid, though... it's best to grab a friend.

Debu have completely lost their spinnerets. There was a point where I was like "well.... there could be some use to them" where because of how they deteriorated, they no longer solidified into Nice Silk and were more like wet silly string nonsense coupled with blood and fat. Why? to feed it to their kids of course.

I'm on the fence on actually making that canon, however, because it would've been the little bumps on their backs and i don't know how I feel about interpreting DJMM's back grommets as nipples.

[bunposting]

Do intact male rabbits scent mark often? Is this off putting? Are intact males significantly more aggressive with people (I know they’re more aggressive with other rabbits) than neutered males? Could an intact buck make a decent companion or should “pet rabbit people” just stick to females and sterilized males?

Lemme try to answer these in sections just to kind of keep things organized

-

Scent Marking

It's kind of an 'it depends' sort of situation. All rabbits of any sort of dominant personality will scent mark (usually by rubbing the scent gland on their chin on whatever they've decided is theirs to claim - their cages, a table, a toy, their food dish, other rabbits, human beings, etc.), and this isn't really much of a problem. It doesn't really smell like anything to us humans, and if anything it's kind of adorable.

What intact bucks can do that most does won't do is something called 'spraying.' This is a different form of scent marking where they lift their butt high up and spray out a very smelly urine, usually onto a wall... But sometimes even on people (yuck). Some bucks will actively jump and twist as they spray so the urine can cover more area. Not all bucks do this, however, and for most breeders this is an extremely off-putting trait. Many breeders have had success with just breeding this behavior out of their lines by culling bucks that exhibit it. Unfortunately, a buck that sprays will probably continue spraying even after it's been castrated, so this is kind of a case where you're just going to want to ask the breeder you're buying from if their bucks have a history of spraying, or to ask the shelter you're adopting from if the particular rabbit you're adopting has exhibited this behavior.

-

Human Aggression

This may be surprising but... Intact bucks are often considerably less aggressive than does! Does tend to be way more hormonal than bucks, which can make them super moody. To be honest, I've met very few sweet intact does in my lifetime. Many of them either are skittish, indifferent, or just downright hostile toward people. Temperament can be genetic, so it is possible to breed for does with a kinder temperament, but even then you're more often to end up with an indifferent doe than a doe that wants anything to do with people. There are definitely exceptions! I currently have a doe that, after calming down from a particularly hormonal period of time, has become one of the sweetest rabbits ever and is super friendly. I know of a few does like her! I just know of way more friendly bucks than I know of friendly does.

-

Good Companions?

Intact bucks can make amazing companions. The rabbit in my profile pic was Blackavar, my first breeding buck who eventually retired to being a pet rabbit. He wasn't a sprayer, and he was one of the sweetest, most gentle rabbits I've ever had the pleasure of spending time with. To be honest, I owe my life to him - if a rabbit could be a service animal, he very much could have been one. I had another intact buck named Argentum (Aggie or Ags for short), and while he wasn't quite as sweet as Blackavar, he could be super affectionate (sometimes maybe even a little too much) and was just in general a goofball that was a joy to spend time around. The buck I have now, Draco, came to me as an extremely anxious young buck, but has become super friendly and affectionate and loves to spend time with me.

To be honest, I would argue that an intact buck will generally make a better companion than an intact or even a spayed doe. I wouldn't necessarily recommend getting a buck neutered either, because their risk for reproductive cancer is fairly low, and any sort of surgery is a very risky procedure for rabbits that should only be done if it absolutely has to be done (which, imo, is a very, very, very rare thing). Like I said, just make sure to ask about a history of spraying either in the rabbit itself or in the other adult rabbits related to the one you're getting, and especially if you're looking for a companion, ask if you can spend some time with the rabbit before you officially purchase it to make sure that it does have a great temperament that will fit what you expect of a companion animal, regardless of the sex or reproductive status of that rabbit.

[iluvjesus666]

fuck it. chuck palahniuk's "guts" in pretty rainbow gradient

Inhale.

Take in as much air as you can.

This story should last about as long as you can hold your breath, and then just a little bit longer. So read as fast as you can.

A friend of mine, when he was thirteen years old he heard about "pegging." This is when a guy gets banged up the butt with a dildo. Stimulate the prostate gland hard enough, and the rumor is you can have explosive hands-free orgasms. At that age, this friend's a little sex maniac. He's always jonesing for a better way to get his rocks off. He goes out to buy a carrot and some petroleum jelly. To conduct a little private research. Then he pictures how it's going to look at the supermarket checkstand, the lonely carrot and petroleum jelly rolling down the conveyer belt toward the grocery store cashier. All the shoppers waiting in line, watching. Everyone seeing the big evening he has planned.

So, my friend, he buys milk and eggs and sugar and a carrot, all the ingredients for a carrot cake. And Vaseline.

Like he's going home to stick a carrot cake up his butt.

At home, he whittles the carrot into a blunt tool. He slathers it with grease and grinds his ass down on it. Then, nothing. No orgasm. Nothing happens except it hurts.

Then, this kid, his mom yells it's “suppertime”. She says to come down, right now.

He works the carrot out and stashes the slippery, filthy thing in the dirty clothes under his bed.

After dinner, he goes to find the carrot and it's gone. All his dirty clothes, while he ate dinner, his mom grabbed them all to do laundry. No way could she not find the carrot, carefully shaped with a paring knife from her kitchen, still shiny with lube and stinky.

This friend of mine, he waits months under a black cloud, waiting for his folks to confront him. And they never do. Ever. Even now he's grown up, that invisible carrot hangs over every Christmas dinner, every birthday party. Every Easter egg hunt with his kids, his parents' grandkids, that ghost carrot is hovering over all of them.

That something too awful to name.

People in France have a phrase: "Spirit of the Stairway." In French: Esprit de l'escalier. It means that moment when you find the answer, but it's too late. Say you're at a party and someone insults you. You have to say something. So under pressure, with everybody watching, you say something lame. But the moment you leave the party…

As you start down the stairway, then — magic. You come up with the perfect thing you should've said. The perfect crippling put-down.

That's the Spirit of the Stairway.

The trouble is even the French don't have a phrase for the stupid things you actually do say under pressure. Those stupid, desperate things you actually think or do.

Some deeds are too low to even get a name. Too low to even get talked about.

Looking back, kid-psych experts, school counselors now say that most of the last peak in teen suicide was kids trying to choke while they beat off. Their folks would find them, a towel twisted around the kid's neck, the towel tied to the rod in their bedroom closet, the kid dead. Dead sperm everywhere. Of course the folks cleaned up. They put some pants on their kid. They made it look… better. Intentional at least. The regular kind of sad, teen suicide.

Another friend of mine, a kid from school, his older brother in the Navy said how guys in the Middle East jack off different than we do here. This brother was stationed in some camel country where the public market sells what could be fancy letter openers. Each fancy tool is just a thin rod of polished brass or silver, maybe as long as your hand, with a big tip at one end, either a big metal ball or the kind of fancy carved handle you'd see on a sword. This Navy brother says how Arab guys get their dick hard and then insert this metal rod inside the whole length of their boner. They jack off with the rod inside, and it makes getting off so much better. More intense.

It's this big brother who travels around the world, sending back French phrases. Russian phrases. Helpful jack-off tips.

After this, the little brother, one day he doesn't show up at school. That night, he calls to ask if I'll pick up his homework for the next couple weeks. Because he's in the hospital.

He's got to share a room with old people getting their guts worked on. He says how they all have to share the same television. All he's got for privacy is a curtain. His folks don't come and visit. On the phone, he says how right now his folks could just kill his big brother in the Navy.

On the phone, the kid says how, the day before, he was just a little stoned. At home in his bedroom, he was flopped on the bed. He was lighting a candle and flipping through some old porno magazines, getting ready to beat off. This is after he's heard from his Navy brother. That helpful hint about how Arabs beat off. The kid looks around for something that might do the job. A ball-point pen's too big. A pencil's too big and rough. But dripped down the side of the candle, there's a thin, smooth ridge of wax that just might work. With just the tip of one finger, this kid snaps the long ridge of wax off the candle. He rolls it smooth between the palms of his hands. Long and smooth and thin.

Stoned and horny, he slips it down inside, deeper and deeper into the piss slit of his boner. With a good hank of the wax still poking out the top, he gets to work.

Even now, he says those Arab guys are pretty damn smart. They've totally re-invented jacking off. Flat on his back in bed, things are getting so good, this kid can't keep track of the wax. He's one good squeeze from shooting his wad when the wax isn't sticking out anymore.

The thin wax rod, it's slipped inside. All the way inside. So deep inside he can't even feel the lump of it inside his piss tube.

From downstairs, his mom shouts it's suppertime. She says to come down, right now. This wax kid and the carrot kid are different people, but we all live pretty much the same life.

It's after dinner when the kid's guts start to hurt. It's wax so he figured it would just melt inside him and he'd pee it out. Now his back hurts. His kidneys. He can't stand straight.

This kid talking on the phone from his hospital bed, in the background you can hear bells ding, people screaming. Game shows.

The X-rays show the truth, something long and thin, bent double inside his bladder. This long, thin V inside him, it's collecting all the minerals in his piss. It's getting bigger and more rough, coated with crystals of calcium, it's bumping around, ripping up the soft lining of his bladder, blocking his piss from getting out. His kidneys are backed up. What little that leaks out his dick is red with blood.

This kid and his folks, his whole family, them looking at the black X-ray with the doctor and the nurses standing there, the big V of wax glowing white for everybody to see, he has to tell the truth. The way Arabs get off. What his big brother wrote him from the Navy.

On the phone, right now, he starts to cry.

They paid for the bladder operation with his college fund. One stupid mistake, and now he'll never be a lawyer.

Sticking stuff inside yourself. Sticking yourself inside stuff. A candle in your dick or your head in a noose, we knew it was going to be big trouble.

What got me in trouble, I called it “Pearl Diving”. This meant whacking off underwater, sitting on the bottom at the deep end of my parents' swimming pool. With one deep breath, I'd kick my way to the bottom and slip off my swim trucks. I'd sit down there for two, three, four minutes.

Just from jacking off, I had huge lung capacity. If I had the house to myself, I'd do this all afternoon. After I'd finally pump out my stuff, my sperm, it would hang there in big, fat, milky gobs.

After that was more diving, to catch it all. To collect it and wipe each handful in a towel. That's why it was called Pearl Diving. Even with chlorine, there was my sister to worry about. Or, Christ almighty, my Mom.

That used to be my worst fear in the world: my teenage virgin sister, thinking she's just getting fat, then giving birth to a two-headed retard baby. Both heads looking just like me. Me, the father and the uncle.

In the end, it's never what you worry about that gets you.

The best part of Pearl Diving was the inlet port for the swimming pool filter and the circulation pump. The best part was getting naked and sitting on it.

As the French would say: “Who doesn't like getting their butt sucked?”

Still, one minute you're just a kid getting off, and the next minute you'll never be a lawyer.

One minute, I'm settling on the pool bottom, and the sky is wavy, light blue through eight feet of water above my head. The world is silent except for the heartbeat in my ears. My yellow-striped swim trunks are looped around my neck for safe keeping, just in case a friend, a neighbor, anybody shows up to ask why I skipped football practice. The steady suck of the pool inlet hole is lapping at me and I'm grinding my skinny white ass around on that feeling.

One minute, I've got enough air, and my dick's in my hand. My folks are gone at their work and my sister's got ballet. Nobody's supposed to be home for hours.

My hand brings me right to getting off, and I stop. I swim up to catch another big breath. I dive down and settle on the bottom.

I do this again and again.

This must be why girls want to sit on your face. The suction is like taking a dump that never ends. My dick hard and getting my butt eaten out, I do not need air. My heartbeat in my ears, I stay under until bright stars of light start worming around in my eyes. My legs straight out, the back of each knee rubbed raw against the concrete bottom. My toes are turning blue, my toes and fingers wrinkled from being so long in the water.

And then I let it happen. The big white gobs start spouting. The pearls.

It's then I need some air. But when I go to kick off against the bottom, I can't. I can't get my feet under me. My ass is stuck.

Emergency paramedics will tell you that every year about 150 people get stuck this way, sucked by a circulation pump. Get your long hair caught, or your ass, and you're going to drown. Every

year, tons of people do. Most of them in Florida.

People just don't talk about it. Not even French people talk about everything.

Getting one knee up, getting one foot tucked under me, I get to half standing when I feel the tug against my butt. Getting my other foot under me, I kick off against the bottom. I'm kicking free, not touching the concrete, but not getting to the air, either.

Still kicking water, thrashing with both arms, I'm maybe halfway to the surface but not going higher. The heartbeat inside my head getting loud and fast.

The bright sparks of light crossing and criss-crossing my eyes, I turn and look back… but it doesn't make sense. This thick rope, some kind of snake, blue-white and braided with veins has come up out of the pool drain and it's holding onto my butt. Some of the veins are leaking blood, red blood that looks black underwater and drifts away from little rips in the pale skin of the snake. The blood trails away, disappearing in the water, and inside the snake's thin, blue-white skin you can see lumps of some half-digested meal.

That's the only way this makes sense. Some horrible sea monster, a sea serpent, something that's never seen the light of day, it's been hiding in the dark bottom of the pool drain, waiting to eat me.

So… I kick at it, at the slippery, rubbery knotted skin and veins of it, and more of it seems to pull out of the pool drain. It's maybe as long as my leg now, but still holding tight around my butthole. With another kick, I'm an inch closer to getting another breath. Still feeling the snake tug at my ass, I'm an inch closer to my escape.

Knotted inside the snake, you can see corn and peanuts. You can see a long bright-orange ball. It's the kind of horse-pill vitamin my Dad makes me take, to help put on weight. To get a football scholarship. With extra iron and omega-three fatty acids.

It's seeing that vitamin pill that saves my life.

It's not a snake. It's my large intestine, my colon pulled out of me. What doctors call, prolapsed. It's my guts sucked into the drain.

Paramedics will tell you a swimming pool pump pulls 80 gallons of water every minute. That's about 400 pounds of pressure. The big problem is we're all connected together inside. Your ass is just the far end of your mouth. If I let go, the pump keeps working - unraveling my insides, until it's got my tongue. Imagine taking a 400-pound shit, and you can see how this might turn you inside out.

What I can tell you is your guts don't feel much pain. Not the way your skin feels pain. The stuff you're digesting, doctor's call it fecal matter. Higher up is chyme, pockets of a thin runny mess studded with corn and peanuts and round green peas.

That's all this soup of blood and corn, shit and sperm and peanuts floating around me. Even with my guts unraveling out my ass, me holding onto what's left, even then my first want is to somehow get my swimsuit back on.

God forbid my folks see my dick.

My one hand holding a fist around my ass, my other hand snags my yellow-striped swim trunks and pulls them from around my neck. Still, getting into them is impossible.

You want to feel your intestines, go buy a pack of those lamb-skin condoms. Take one out and unroll it. Pack it with peanut butter. Smear it with petroleum jelly and hold it under water. Then, try to tear it. Try to pull it in half. It's too tough and rubbery. It's so slimy you can't hold on.

A lamb-skin condom, that's just plain old intestine.

You can see what I'm up against.

You let go for a second, and you're gutted.

You swim for the surface, for a breath, and you're gutted.

You don't swim, and you drown.

It's a choice between being dead right now or a minute from right now.

What my folks will find after work is a big naked fetus, curled in on itself. Floating in the cloudy water of their backyard pool. Tethered to the bottom by a thick rope of veins and twisted guts. The opposite of a kid hanging himself to death while he jacks off. This is the baby they brought home from the hospital thirteen years ago. Here's the kid they hoped would snag a football scholarship and get an MBA. Who'd care for them in their old age. Here's all their hopes and dreams. Floating here, naked and dead. All around him, big milky pearls of wasted sperm.

Either that or my folks will find me wrapped in a bloody towel, collapsed halfway from the pool to the kitchen telephone, the ragged, torn scrap of my guts still hanging out the leg of my yellow-striped swim trunks.

What even the French won't talk about.

That big brother in the Navy, he taught us one other good phrase. A Russian phrase. The way we say: "I need that like I need a hole in my head…" Russian people say: "I need that like I need teeth in my asshole…"

Mne eto nado kak zuby v zadnitse

Those stories about how animals caught in a trap will chew off their leg, well, any coyote would tell you a couple bites beats the hell out of being dead.

Hell… even if you're Russian, some day you just might want those teeth.

Otherwise, what you have to do is, you have to twist around. You hook one elbow behind your knee and pull that leg up into your face. You bite and snap at your own ass. You run out of air, and you will chew through anything to get that next breath.

It's not something you want to tell a girl on the first date. Not if you expect a kiss good night.

If I told you how it tasted, you would never, ever again eat calamari.

It's hard to say what my parents were more disgusted by: how I'd got in trouble or how I'd saved myself. After the hospital, my Mom said, "You didn't know what you were doing, honey. You were in shock." And she learned how to cook poached eggs.

All those people grossed out or feeling sorry for me…

I need that like I need teeth in my asshole.

Nowadays, people always tell me I look too skinny. People at dinner parties get all quiet and pissed off when I don't eat the pot roast they cooked. Pot roast kills me. Baked ham. Anything that hangs around inside my guts for longer than a couple hours, it comes out still food. Home-cooked lima beans or chunk light tuna fish, I'll stand up and find it still sitting there in the toilet.

After you have a radical bowel resectioning, you don't digest meat so great. Most people, you have five feet of large intestine. I'm lucky to have my six inches. So I never got a football scholarship. Never got an MBA. Both my friends, the wax kid and the carrot kid, they grew up, got big, but I've never weighed a pound more than I did that day when I was thirteen.

Another big problem was my folks paid a lot of good money for that swimming pool. In the end my Dad just told the pool guy it was a dog. The family dog fell in and drowned. The dead body got pulled into the pump. Even when the pool guy cracked open the filter casing and fished out a rubbery tube, a watery hank of intestine with a big orange vitamin pill still inside, even then, my Dad just said, "That dog was fucking nuts."

Even from my upstairs bedroom window, you could hear my Dad say, "We couldn't trust that dog alone for a second…"

Then my sister missed her period.

Even after they changed the pool water, after they sold the house and we moved to another state, after my sister's abortion, even then my folks never mentioned it again.

Ever.

That is our invisible carrot.

You. Now you can take a good, deep breath.

I still have not.

[fantasyhubs]

Unlocking Pleasure: Exploring the World of Sex Toys for Men

In recent years, the discussion around sexual wellness has grown significantly, breaking down taboos and encouraging individuals to explore their desires openly. Among the exciting developments in this area is the surge in popularity of sex toys designed specifically for men. These devices are no longer considered niche; Sex Toy for Men they are mainstream and highly recommended for enhancing pleasure, improving sexual health, and deepening connections with partners.

The Evolution of Male Sex Toys

Sex toys for men have evolved far beyond the traditional options of the past. Today, there's a wide array of innovative products designed to cater to various preferences and needs. From realistic masturbators and strokers to advanced prostate massagers and wearable vibrators, men have more choices than ever before to explore their sexuality and enjoy heightened pleasure.

Benefits of Using Sex Toys

1. Enhanced Pleasure: Sex toys are designed to stimulate areas that may be difficult to reach or fully engage through manual or partner stimulation alone. This can lead to more intense and satisfying orgasms.

2. Improved Sexual Health: Regular use of certain toys, like prostate massagers, can contribute to better prostate health by stimulating blood flow and reducing the risk of issues such as prostatitis.

3. Better Self-Knowledge: Exploring your body with the help of sex toys allows you to discover what feels best, leading to improved sexual confidence and communication with partners.

4. Strengthened Relationships: Incorporating sex toys into partner play can open new avenues for intimacy and shared pleasure, strengthening your connection.

Popular Types of Male Sex Toys

1. Masturbators and Strokers: These are designed to mimic the sensation of intercourse and come in various forms, including realistic vaginas, mouths, and even full-body sex dolls.

2. Prostate Massagers: These devices are specifically designed to stimulate the prostate gland, often referred to as the "male G-spot." Prostate massagers can lead to powerful orgasms and improved prostate health.

3. Cock Rings: These are worn around the base of the penis and are designed to restrict blood flow, leading to harder and longer-lasting erections. Some cock rings also come with vibrating features for added pleasure.

4. Anal Toys: Designed for men who enjoy anal stimulation, these toys include butt plugs, beads, and anal vibrators. They can be used solo or during partner play for enhanced pleasure.

5. Vibrating Toys: While traditionally associated with women's pleasure, vibrators designed for men are becoming increasingly popular. They can be used on various parts of the body, including the penis, perineum, and testicles, to provide stimulating vibrations.

Choosing the Right Toy

When choosing a sex toy, it's essential to consider your personal preferences, comfort level, and any specific needs you might have. Whether you're a beginner or experienced in using sex toys, there's something for everyone. Exploring the wide range of sex toys available at Fantasy Hubs can help you find the perfect match for your desires.

Conclusion

The world of sex toys for men is diverse, offering a plethora of options to enhance sexual pleasure, improve health, and deepen intimacy. As sexual wellness continues to gain recognition as an essential aspect of overall health, Sex Toy for Men exploring these toys can be a fulfilling and exciting journey. Whether you're looking to experiment solo or with a partner, the right sex toy can open up new possibilities for pleasure and satisfaction.

[lovelytoysfactory]

Buy Men's Sex Toys Online: The Ultimate Guide to Enhancing Your Pleasure

In today's modern world, the stigma around men's sexual health and pleasure is rapidly fading. More men are embracing the benefits of sex toys to enhance their intimate experiences, both solo and with partners. The convenience and privacy of online shopping make it easier than ever to explore a wide range of men's sex toys. This guide will help you navigate the options and find the perfect additions to your pleasure arsenal.

Why Consider Men's Sex Toys?

Men's sex toys are designed to enhance pleasure, increase stamina, and add variety to your sexual experiences. Whether you're looking to improve solo sessions, spice up your partner play, or address specific sexual health concerns, there's a toy out there for you.

Types of Men's Sex Toys

1. Masturbators

Masturbators are designed to simulate the sensations of sex. They come in various forms, including:

Sleeves: Simple, handheld devices that mimic the feeling of vaginal, anal, or oral sex.

Fleshlights: High-quality, realistic masturbators often modeled after famous porn stars.

Automated strokers: Motorized devices that provide hands-free pleasure with customizable settings.

2. Prostate Massagers

Prostate massagers stimulate the prostate gland, often referred to as the male G-spot. They can enhance orgasms and contribute to better prostate health. Options range from manual to vibrating and remote-controlled massagers.

3. Cock Rings

Cock rings are worn around the base of the penis to maintain erections and increase stamina. They can be made from various materials, including silicone, metal, and leather. Some also come with vibrating features for added pleasure.

4. Anal Toys

Anal play isn't just for women. Men can enjoy a variety of anal toys, including:

Butt plugs: Available in different sizes and shapes to suit beginners and advanced users.

Anal beads: Provide unique sensations as they are inserted and removed.

Prostate stimulators: Specifically designed to target the prostate for intense orgasms.

5. Penis Pumps

Penis pumps use suction to draw blood into the penis, resulting in stronger erections. They can also help with erectile dysfunction and enhance overall penile health.

Benefits of Buying Men's Sex Toys Online

1. Privacy and Discretion

One of the biggest advantages of online shopping is the privacy it offers. You can browse and purchase sex toys without any embarrassment. Reputable online stores use discreet packaging to ensure your purchases remain confidential.

2. Wide Selection

Online stores typically offer a broader range of products than physical stores. You can explore various brands, types, and price ranges to find exactly what suits your needs.

3. Customer Reviews and Ratings

Reading customer reviews and ratings can provide valuable insights into the performance and quality of a product. This helps you make informed decisions and avoid disappointing purchases.

4. Convenience

Shopping online means you can take your time to research and compare products without any pressure. You can shop anytime, anywhere, making it easy to fit into your busy schedule.

Tips for Choosing the Right Sex Toy

1. Identify Your Needs

Think about what you want to achieve with your new toy. Are you looking to enhance solo play, improve stamina, or try something new with a partner?

2. Consider Material and Safety

Choose toys made from body-safe materials like medical-grade silicone, ABS plastic, or stainless steel. Avoid products made from porous materials that can harbor bacteria.

3. Check for Ease of Cleaning

Opt for toys that are easy to clean and maintain. Many high-quality toys are waterproof and can be cleaned with mild soap and water.

4. Read Reviews

Take the time to read reviews from other customers. Look for feedback on the toy's performance, durability, and overall satisfaction.

5. Start Simple

If you're new to sex toys, start with something simple and user-friendly. As you become more comfortable, you can explore more advanced options.

Conclusion

Embracing men's sex toys can significantly enhance your sexual experiences and overall well-being. With the convenience of online shopping, you can discreetly explore a wide range of products tailored to your needs and preferences. Whether you're looking for a new way to enjoy solo play or add excitement to your intimate moments with a partner, there's a perfect toy out there waiting for you. Happy shopping and enjoy the journey to enhanced pleasure!

[carewithoutlimits]

Daily Personal Activities Melton

Daily personal activities melton provide compassionate and inclusive care to participants. They help participants to achieve the goals in their NDIS plan. They also support them to live as independently as possible. They do this through a range of services. Some of these include:

She has appeared as Sieglinde in Die Walkure and Brunnhilde in Siegfried, both with Jaap van Zweden and the Hong Kong Philharmonic recorded for Naxos Records and with Valery Gergiev and the Mariinsky Orchestra.

Walk

Walking is a form of low-impact physical activity that's easy to incorporate into your daily personal activities melton routine. It's also a great way to boost your mood and reduce stress.

The best way to improve your health is to walk for 30 minutes or more on most days of the week. You'll lower your risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes and obesity.

If you're not already a regular walker, start slowly and build up to longer walks over time. Try a variety of routes, including hilly and scenic ones.

Ride

Getting around in style has never been easier with our range of transport options. With a fleet of cars, vans and motorcycles to choose from you’re sure to find one that best suits your needs. Whether you are after a night on the town or simply want to get around without having to worry about parking, we can help you find your way around Melton Manor like a pro. Alternatively, if you are looking to unwind and be entertained then we can organise a night out at one of our many restaurants. You can also opt for a pampering treatment at our spa, or a more active option like horse riding in the great outdoors. To make your day extra special we can arrange an early morning horse ride through the countryside or a guided tour of the estates many attractions.

Scoot

Dog scooting, where they drag their bottom along the ground, is not something any dog lover wants to see. But if they do it, it’s often a sign that something is going on with their anal glands. These glands are just inside the rectum and release a liquid with unique scent characters that dogs use to identify one dog from another. If these glands are impacted or infected, your dog can become very itchy and may start to drag their butt all over the place.

If you live in Melton and are over the age of 65, have a disability or are caring for someone who has an underlying health condition, come along to CARE Melton Expo and talk to Council’s team about support that can help you get the most out of your daily life.

Shop

Shopping is an activity that is a daily necessity for many people. It encompasses everything from food preparation and grocery shopping to arranging and paying for household items, including clothing and personal care products like toiletries, cleaning supplies and makeup. It also includes the ability to shop and pay for services such as medical care and transportation.

New York City is one of the world’s great shopping destinations, with a plethora of unique shops and trendy boutiques to choose from. Some of the most popular shopping districts include NoLita, which is home to a slew of designer boutiques and hipster hangouts such as Houston and Bowery Streets. The Herald Square area (34th Street) is another top notch shopping destination with stores like Steve Madden, Amazon Books and Ulta.

Eat

Eating is a personal ndis daily activities that involves more than just fueling the body. It is an integral part of our social and cultural experiences, and a person’s eating habits can be influenced by individual, social, cultural, and religious factors.

Healthy eating habits reduce your risk of diseases such as heart disease, certain cancers and type 2 diabetes. They also help you feel better on a daily basis and can have a positive impact on your mood. You should eat at least 5 portions of a wide variety of fruit and vegetables every day to get the full health benefits. Adding a portion of dried fruit to your breakfast cereal is an easy way to achieve this goal. It is also important to eat a balanced diet, including plenty of nutrient-dense whole foods that provide good sources of protein, vitamins and minerals.

[the-silly-creature]

here’s the facts

donald J trump is extremely fully 11 months pregnant

he is pregnant with a litter of half pig half men, somewhat resembling orcs. they were genetically engineered to his specifications and are rumored to be “super soldiers”

the former president became pregnant via embryo transplant - he does not have ovaries or penetrative sex, so insemination is not an option

they are not in his butt or penis - the pentagon hollowed and ballooned out his prostate gland to act as a psuedowomb

donald j trump is in constant pain because of this so he’s constantly smoking weed which just makes him sadder and more pregnant and it’s not so good for the piglets

trump said he got this idea “from sauron” of lord of the rings

when trump gives birth, his perineum will cleanly cleave in two, and a bucketful of viscous green nickelodean slime will dump forth onto the ground. he will steady himself against a ballet bar and dump out the pigfetuses one by one onto the floor with no umbilical cord

when pressed for comment, donald trump specified:

“I love my kids. They are the best. They’ve got strong blood. They’ve got good genes. But I could have better kids. I could have pigmen. Tall. Taller than me, if you can believe it. These piglets are the greatest — people are saying they’re the greatest!”

Uhhhhhh i have no clue what to do with this information but thanks i guess

[osiiinikeboy]

Sports bras: What Role Do They Play In Your Workouts?

Anyway, what is accepted and accepted by people is can sports bras be used as binders.

A lot of people think of sports bras as something only women use. But that’s not entirely true, as sports bras are an essential piece of gear for men, too. In fact, they can help you achieve better workouts and reduce the risk of injury. So what are the benefits of using sports bras? Here are four reasons you should start wearing one every time you work out: 1. They Can Reduce Swelling and Pain When you’re working out, your body goes through a lot of changes. Muscles get bigger, blood flow increases, and your body temperature rises. This all leads to increased pain and swelling in areas like the chest and shoulders. A sports bra can help reduce these symptoms by supporting your breasts and reducing the amount of pressure on your chest. This reduces the amount of pain and swelling you experience, ultimately making your workouts more comfortable. 2. They Can Help You Recover Faster The increased blood flow during a workout can cause some damage to muscles and joints. A sports bra can help protect these areas while you’re recovering by providing support and compression. This helps speed up the healing process and reduces the chance of future injury. 3. They Can Help

Benefits of Using a Sports Bra

When it comes to working out, many people think of wearing a T-shirt and sneakers. However, adding a sports bra can help support your breasts during vigorous activity, and can improve your posture. A study published in the "Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research" found that women who wear a sports bra during exercise have lower rates of breast pain than those who do not wear a bra. According to the study, this is likely because the sports bra creates greater pressure on the muscles surrounding the breasts, which in turn helps to reduce stress on the mammary glands. In addition to reducing pain, wearing a sports bra can also help keep your breasts more firmly attached to your chest while you are exercising. This will help to prevent them from bouncing around during movement, which can lead to discomfort and decreased attractiveness. Some other benefits of using a sports bra include: -It can increase endurance capacity -It can reduce chest compression during vigorous exercise -It can promote better posture

When Should You Use a Sports Bra?

When it comes to working out, you might think that wearing a sports bra is only for women. However, men can benefit from using one as well! A sports bra not only helps support your breasts during exercise, but it can also help reduce bounce and ease pain in the shoulder area. Additionally, wearing a sports bra during workouts can help reduce the risk of injury by minimizing movement in the wrong areas. So when should you use a sports bra? Here are four times when wearing a sports bra may be beneficial: 1. When lifting weights: A weighted workout is a great way to tone your entire body and wear a sports bra can help support your breasts while you lift. 2. When running: Running not only tones your legs and butt, but it also strengthens your chest muscles. Wearing a supportive sports bra while racing can help keep those muscles healthy and strong! 3. When doing cardio: Cardio is an important part of any fitness regime, but if done incorrectly it can lead to injuries like rotator cuff tears or bicep tendonitis. Wearing a supportive sports bra while doing cardio may help protect these injured areas and ensure that the session is safe for you. 4. When participating in strenuous activities: If you participate in strenuous activities like hiking or biking, wearing a sports bra can help reduce bounce and provide extra support for your breasts throughout the workout. Not only will this make the activity

Conclusion

Sports bras are an important part of any exercise routine, whether you’re working out to maintain your weight or trying to build muscle. They help distribute the pressure that is applied to the breasts during vigorous activity, so you don’t end up with pain and discomfort in those sensitive areas. Not only do sports bras help with your workouts, but they can also help improve your posture and support your bust while you’re sitting at work or watching TV.

[endofthelinexx]

formula 1 🏎

| smut💋 | angst🌧 | fluff 🌼 | dark🌒 |

Toto Wolff

fics

Roses and Flame (ongoing)💋🌼🌧

Collins Horner is the eldest of Christian and Geri’s children. She has been raised to be the fastest female racer Motorsport has ever seen and to despise Mercedes while doing it. But what happens when her world turns upside down?

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |

| 8 | 9 | 10 |

oneshots

In Sickness and In Health 🌧🌼

Request: “Hi love, can I request one little angst with Toto, like you feeling unwell or getting hurt but you don’t want to tell him because you don’t want him to have more pressure? Thanks”  

playlist

in love w/ toto wolff

Mick Schumacher

fics

Eternal Spring (ongoing) 💋🌼🌧

Growing up in Gland, Switzerland, Faye and her family have always been close with the Schumachers. She practically grew up with them, being friends with Gina for most of her life. Now they’re both 21 and are competitive horseback riders, their friendship is better than ever, at least until Mick comes back home. 

| 1 | 2 |

oneshots

none yet!

playlist

in love w/ mick schumacher

Daniel Ricciardo

fics

mad woman. (ongoing) 💋🌼🌧️

Laken Partridge grew up just one hour away from Talladega, so it made sense she grew up infatuated with race cars. The second she was old enough her parents invested in karting, even if they had to work their butts off. She was ready for everything, at least that’s what she thought before she was confronted with the real deal.

|1|

oneshots

none yet!

playlist

none yet!

Pierre Gasly

fics

none yet!

oneshots

none yet!

playlist

in love w/ pierre gasly

Carlos Sainz Jr

fics

none yet!

one-shots

none yet!

playlist

in love w/ carlos sainz

Lando Norris

fics

none yet!

one-shots

none yet!

playlist

in love w/ lando norris

Checo Perez

fics

none yet!

one-shots

none yet!

playlists

Checo Perez (Taylor’s Version)

Sebastian Vettel

fics

none yet!

one-shots

none yet!

playlists

live laugh sebastian vettel

[luminnara]

Nesting | alpha!kiribaku x omega!reader fluff

Something soft and fluffy w a/b/o dynamics w kiribaku? Or just one of them if you don’t do poly things

Oh ho ho, don’t you worry I LOVE poly things! I especially love kiribaku x reader because like, how can you NOT lol

I made this super sweet and nice because I crave that feel good fluff! This is SFW but there’s a little mention of some adult stuff. Nothing past that though!

Requests are open!

Warnings: none

Gender neutral reader

Having two alphas wasn’t typical, at least not as far as you knew. Yeah, you were sure that there were all kinds of people and arrangements out there, but you had never really heard of alphas being willing to share an omega. Most of the time, they just got too possessive; when alphas went into ruts or omegas into heats, the pheromones being pumped into the air were sometimes strong enough to ruin entire friendships.

Not for you, though.

When the three of you became a thing, there was no drama. There was no fighting between the two boys, no conflict. You hadn’t really set out to date both of them, but, well...one thing led to another, and next thing you knew, you were all living in an apartment together, and you had two big mating marks on your neck.

It all happened so naturally. It was almost as if the three of you were fated to be together, or something. Yeah, you had your disagreements—Katsuki’s temper was infamous, and Eijiro could almost be too nice sometimes—but what relationship didn’t have a few spats here and there? Your fights never lasted long, and all in all, you were happier than you ever thought possible.

“I’m home!” Eijiro’s voice called, followed by the sound of the door closing.

But of course you already knew. You could smell him the second he walked in, and you were already up and running towards him.

“Whoa, hey!” He laughed as you launched yourself at him, catching you easily and grinning that shark grin of his. “Miss me or somethin’?”

“I always do,” you smiled, hooking your arms around his neck.

His hands settled on your butt as he held you, and he nuzzled into your neck. Both alphas always wanted to be covered in your scent, but Kirishima especially loved it, constantly shoving his nose against the glands and sometimes rubbing his entire head over them. He once told you that he liked being able to smell you on him even when you weren’t around, and the thought of him strutting around at the agency, absolutely reeking of you, made you blush whenever it crossed your mind.

“Is Katsuki home yet?” He asked, walking you down the entry hall and into the living room.

“No,” you sighed. “I think he’s working late tonight...”

You tried not to let your disappointment sound in your voice, but it was impossible to hide anything from Eijiro. He knew how stressful it could be, with both him and Katsuki working as some of the top pro heroes in the city. There were plenty of days where they both came home late, too tired to do anything other than drag themselves into bed and curl up around you. It had a tendency to leave you feeling dejected and alone, and lately, you had taken up a new hobby to try to distract yourself.

Well...hobby was a loose word. It was more just...something you had found yourself with the sudden urge to do, and tonight, the fruits of your labor were finally ready to be revealed.

When Kirishima stepped into the living room, he stopped, and you knew he had seen it.

“Hey, is that...?” He asked, voice trailing off as he stared.

You wiggled out of his arms, beaming up at him as soon as you were standing on your own. “A nest? Sure is!”

The look on your boyfriend’s face was priceless. His eyes were wide, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The living room floor was covered in blankets and pillows, all strategically piled up to form the best, coziest nest you could make. As Kirishima took a step closer, he spotted a few of his shirts and hoodies mixed in, a grin finding its way onto his face.

“Babe,” he finally spoke up, his voice soft, “are you really nesting?”

A small blush crept to your cheeks as you nodded, suddenly feeling shy. “Yeah, I guess so...I dunno where it came from really, I just started getting the urge to make it...”

Suddenly, he swept you up into his arms again, a loud, humming purr vibrating in his chest as he gave you a squeeze with those strong arms of his. “It looks amazing, baby.”

You sighed happily, relaxing against him. “Do...do you wanna come try it out with me?”

He almost dropped you again in shock. “H-huh?”

“Yeah!” you freed yourself from his grip once more and grabbed his hand, giving him a tug. 

“Y-you trust me enough...?” his face was adorably surprised, eyes wide as he let you pull him towards your nest.

“Well yeah, duh!” you plopped down in the center of all the blankets and clothes, smiling up at him as he stood over you. “Of course I trust you...you and Katsuki are the best alphas anyone could ask for. Why do you think I felt safe enough to even make a nest?”

You could swear you saw some tears welling up in his eyes, but he quickly wiped them away. “Fuck, I love you so much...”

“Then c’mere, silly,” you laughed lightly, patting the space next to you. 

He finally obliged, hunkering down and sighing happily as he surrounded himself with your scent. The nest was cozy, but big enough for three, and as you waited for Katsuki to get home, you found yourself chattering to Eijiro about exactly how it was made, what shirts you had snagged from his and Katsuki’s drawers, why you had piled up those pillows over there and those way over there, why every single plush in the apartment was strategically placed on top of everything else, and why he kept finding more and more of his belongings buried amongst the blankets. 

“Babe, this is mine,” he said, holding up an old, fraying wallet. 

“Yes, and?” you snatched it out of his hand, tucking it back in its spot. “You never use it. And it smells just like you.”

He chuckled, putting an arm around you and pulling you up against his chest while he continued to explore the nest. “Still can’t believe you went and did all this so quickly. You must have been working nonstop all day.”

You puffed up proudly, but before you had the chance to reply, you heard the door slam open and the sound of heavy boots stomping in. A warm, smoky-cinnamon smell wafted in, and you trilled happily. Katsuki was finally back home, and as you stood up on your knees, you saw him kicking his shoes off and hanging his coat up by the door. 

“Oy, I’m home,” he called tiredly, too busy putting on his house slippers to glance over at you yet. “Shitty hair, where are you? You make it back alive today?”

“Still in one piece, Katsuki,” Kirishima laughed, leaning back on his hand as you shot out of your nest to greet your other alpha.

“That’s something, I guess.” Bakugou grunted, turning towards the kitchen. He was moving slowly, like all of his muscles ached and he just wanted to go to bed. 

You weren’t about to let him, though. Not yet.

“Katsukiiiiiii,” you called, scrambling up onto the couch to get a better look at him. 

“Hey there, kitten.” he tossed his bag down in its usual place at the table, finally looking up at you. 

You saw his usually harsh gaze soften as his red eyes met yours, something close to the beginning of a smile tugging at the edges of his lips. Katsuki was a rough guy, always grumpy even while he was out there being one of the best heroes in the city, but at home, he was quieter. Home was a safe place for him, and even though he was still a handful, he was your handful, and you wouldn’t trade him for the world...although right now, you were starting to get irritated by the fact that he had yet to see the nest you worked so hard on.

“What’re you two losers doin’ down there?” he asked, walking towards you lazily. “Fuckin’ on the living room floor, without me?”

“Katsuki, come on.” you rolled your eyes. 

“What? It’s a valid question.” he said as he finally reached you, placing his hands over yours where they rested on the back of the couch. He closed his eyes, tilting his head up for you in an open invitation. “Miss me today?”

You nuzzled up against his chin, feeling him relax around you as you pumped out a happy, pheromone-filled scent for him. “Why don’t you take a look at what I spent all day doing, and then you tell me?”

He sighed, grumbling something under his breath as he cracked his eyes open. Then, he fell absolutely still, and when you pulled back and looked up at him, you saw that he was staring, eyes wide in disbelief. He had frozen completely, as if he had absolutely no idea how to process what he was seeing.

“Like it?” you asked, following his gaze back to your nest. 

Kirishima was still sitting in the center of it, resting one arm on his knee while he supported his weight on the other. There was a gentle, lazy smile on his face, and as he saw that Bakugou wasn’t moving, he tossed his head. “Katsuki, come see what our little omega worked so hard on.”

“Yeah, Katsuki.” you hopped off the couch, walking around the end of it to take his hand and drag him towards your nest. “Come join us.”

He let you pull him down, and for a moment, all he could do was take a deep breath and inhale the scents of his two mates. Ever so slowly, his face relaxed, and as the three of you snuggled in, he pulled you close and pressed a kiss against your forehead.

“What do you think?” you asked, getting cozy between your two boys.

“It’s fucking perfect, baby.” he said. “You’re fucking perfect.”

“Guess we’re not too bad at this whole alpha thing after all, huh?” Kirishima asked, leaning forward to greet Bakugou with a light kiss. 

“Never said we were.” Katsuki huffed, bristling for a moment before he calmed down. “Still...there are some alphas who never get to see their omega’s nest, let alone be invited in. I guess...you must feel pretty safe with us.”

“I do!” you chirped, grabbing a blanket and pulling it over yourself. “I’m happy. Well...I made this nest because I was getting so lonely during the day, and I wanted to be able to smell you guys while you were gone...”

The boys frowned at each other. 

“...but just making it made me feel better.”

You heard Katsuki sigh in relief as Eijiro gently headbutted you. 

“We have been working a lot lately...” he said quietly. 

“So we’ll change that,” Katsuki said roughly. “Our omega comes before anything. If you aren’t happy, what’s the point?”

You couldn’t help the wide smile on your face as you tugged them both down for a kiss, one by one. You spent the rest of the evening cuddled up in your nest, falling asleep on top of your boys, happy to finally, finally be getting the quality time you had been missing so much lately.

[indigo-a-creeping]

Nearly 2 months with TJ’s, and my anxiety is not entirely cured, but it has shrunk down to a manageable size and I’m no longer panicking at nothing throughout the day. I also actually love talking to people when I’m on register (because that is my job - I am only comfortable existing if I have a distinct purpose, apparently) and I’ve had some really meaningful, heartfelt interactions. Also lots of free snacks and a nice discount. I don’t have any friends there yet, but I have people I can talk to. The night shift tends to be cliquey and young (and stand around talking when they could be WORKING and talking), but I mostly don’t mind. It’s my second-favorite job I’ve ever had. And I’m still making enough to live comfortably (with the adjustments I made in bills). Insurance won’t kick in for a while, so I’m trying to be careful and stay healthy until then.

Peri and Graham both went to the vet last week. Graham is HUGE and healthy, and got his anal glands expressed so he will no longer be scooting his butt all over the house. The vet left a message saying she needed to discuss Peri’s bloodwork with me personally, so I’ll hopefully talk to her about that today... He acts okay, but he’s 12 years old now and we may need to start a medication or a prescription diet (OF COURSE right after I bought dog food). He’s nowhere near his endpoint, but I can’t help but think of all the animals I’ve taken care of whose owners were keeping them alive at any cost... And I wouldn’t do that to him. For now, though, he’s enjoying life and I can make sure that continues for as long as possible! 

I’ve been planning a trip with a friend for a year now, and I’m nervous but SO looking forward to it. Leaving early Friday morning, and I’ll be gone for a week. My parents are driving down to pet-sit and use my house as their vacation home. My mom’s been working with dogs for a few years now, so I feel a little better about leaving her with Peri at a time when medical things may be needed than I did before. She is 100% the voice of my intrusive thoughts and other bad things in my head, but I’m happy to have a superficial, utilitarian relationship with her. Unhealthy and selfish? Maybe a little, but it works.

[13uswntimagines]

Omega Night (Omega!Tobin x Alpha!Reader)

Request: omega Tobin? It’s so good! What about her and omega Sonnett having a little bonding time while the make fun of their alphas? Like this story but part 2? Sequel to Choose Your Battles 

“She did not,” Emily snorted, shooting orange soda out of her nose. 

“Oh, but she did,” Kelley cackled, passing Junior a napkin. Tobin shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. It wasn’t news to her that you and Christen had gotten into some crazy shit in college, but it was always amusing to watch Kelley tell the stories to the youngins. 

“College Y/n was a bit of a knot head if we’re honest,” Tobin shrugged. Instincts were a difficult thing to control, and you had had a pretty steep learning curve. 

“And Christen just went along with it?” Emily asked shocked. It was usually Christen reigning Kelley in, being the calm one in their relationship. 

“I put my foot down pretty early with Christen,” Kelley snorted. She was lucky enough to meet her mate early on, and Christen had amazing control. You had taken a bit more time to learn how to handle all the new feelings you had for Tobin (and the protectiveness that you had over Kelley because of your closeness). 

“Is that why she’s so laid back with Toby? Like I don’t think Lindsey would be so chill with alphas hitting on me all the time,” Emily’s head quirked to the side with the question. You were so chill, almost as chill as Tobin herself. Always so careful to make sure your mate knew you trusted her and you rarely ever got super overprotective. 

“Hate to break it to you junior, but alphas do hit on you all the time,” Kelley laughed, shaking her head when Emily’s cheeks and ears turned bright red. It helped Lindsey’s instincts that her mate was completely oblivious to most of it. That and you and the rest of the alphas in the team had taught her some great coping mechanisms. 

“Y/n wasn’t always so relaxed, hence the term knothead,” 

****

You growled lightly, your nose running the familiar circuit from Tobin’s ear, to her scent gland, before landing on the space where your mating mark would one day sit. Your hands roamed the flat plane of her stomach, your thumbs running circles into the soft skin. Tobin’s breath caught in her throat when your thigh found it’s way between her legs, your hips pinning her to the wall.  

“Babe,” She moaned, tilting her head to give the demanding lips on her neck more room to work. A backroom of the stadium was not an appropriate place for this. But her omega whined at the thought of telling you to stop. 

A rumble started low in your chest at the pheromones your mate was emitting. Your teeth grazed the place where her neck met her shoulder. How you longed to dig your teeth deeper into her soft skin, to leave your mating mark as a visible sign to what you already knew. To ward off both the alphas from Tobin’s team and from your own. “You’re mine,” 

The sound sent a shiver down Tobin’s spine. If she knew that accidentally wearing her teammate’s sweatshirt would pull this reaction out of you, she would have to do it more often. Your growl deepened in response, as did the thick cloud of pheromones around you. 

You hated the smell of another alpha on her skin. You knew that Tobin was way out of your league, but you were glad she had chosen you, that she let you love her. 

You kissed the spot on her neck you knew she loved a little more roughly, sucking the sweet tasting skin into your mouth. You were going to make sure everyone knew she was taken. 

****

“Yeah, Tobin had a Permanent hickey for like a year,” Kelley smirked at Tobin’s red cheeks.

Tobin shook her head, a smile playing on her lips. It had been fun for a while, to bait you into more… possessive behavior, but after you pinned Christen to the pitch for tackling your money’s in the finale, she knew she had to do something. “I waited too long to finally put my foot down,” 

“Yeah, I don’t tolerate that alpha shit from Linds,” Emily rolled her eyes. Yes her mate was protective, but she was a strong, independent woman and Lindsey had one hell of a time trying to rein her in. Plus If Lindsey ever took the alpha thing too far she would just ignore her for a while. That always did the trick. 

“That’s why she shoved ARod for no reason during your match against Utah right?” Kelley raised her eyebrow at the woman. Lindsey was one of the strongest and most protective alphas on the team, even rivaling you, especially when it came to the woman she loved. 

“That doesn’t count. She was being a meanie butt,” Emily pouted, crossing her arms. 

“And that discussing hickey that wouldn’t go away for months after the World Cup?” Tobin added, nudging the blond defender’s shoulder (ignoring how most of the omega’s on the team had sported similar marks). 

“You guys are no fun,” Emily huffed. All of the alphas on their team had their moments, it wasn’t fair that they were just making fun of her. 

“I think we can all agree that that isn’t true,” Kelley smiled, pulling sonny into a hug, letting out her comforting scent to show that she didn’t mean any harm. All they needed right now as an overprotective alpha crashing omega night because of upset feeling traveling down their mating bond. 

Emily’s pout grew, and she shook her head unsatisfied. Kelley huffed, “Look, the alphas are idiots, but they’re our idiots,” 

“Life wouldn’t be nearly as fun without them,” Tobin added in agreement. 

It was true. You all could be overprotective about the stupid tiny things, and overly concerned when you were away from your mates. But you were also cuddly and never hesitated to shower your mates in affection. You were strong and sweet and they didn’t know what they would do without you. You were idiots, but you were their idiots and that’s what made the difference. 

******

You took a sip of your beer, glancing sideways at Lindsey as the blond midfielder wriggled uncomfortably. “Don’t worry Linds, they’ll stop picking on Sonnett soon and move on to Kell,” 

“Oh joy,” Lindsey muttered, leaning back against the pillows and trying to focus on the game on TV. 

“At least Y/ n didn’t try to break down the door when Tobin felt uncomfortable this time,” Christen shrugged, lifting her beer in your direction. 

You shook your head, enjoying the contentedness that was flowing from Tobin through your bond. “I know better than to crash an omega night now. It gets easier and all that,” 

“Whatever you say,”