#birthdays are always normal days to me so it's not very significant but the fact that I am going through each year is proof that I'm still

[thornedswan]

My birthday isn't until March, but I am oddly looking forward to being 24

[hand-picked-star]

I am writing this highly controversial thoughts only because @featheredclover had recommended me a fanfic about khushi feeling left out during the basket ball game and then my thoughts went wayward. 😁 I haven't watched the last 33 episodes of ipkknd in a very long time, only some snippets of cute married arshi. But I did watch them 2 days ago just to validate the fact that whatever I think about them was what shown on the screen.All of my thoughts don't just exist in my mind.They also match the narrative too.

And I was right with my previous decision to not watch ipkknd past Arnav's birthday,those are horrible episodes.

Anyways, it's my thoughts on the suicide tract and sheetal tract and how khushi ignored the absolute truths that she knew by heart whenever she was hurt and tried to sheild herself from the pain.These tracks are khushi-centric, I just wished they were well written. My poor baby!!!

Suicide track

Khushi knew with absolute certainity that Arnav doesn't believe in God, she even said so.

So, why she came up with that excuse to justify committing suicide? It's this scene.

Arnav was talking to lavanya, there was no romantic vibes,but but but, he was talking to her very nicely . I am not trying to blame La or Arnav here, La deserved every bit of decency from Arnav because of the way he treated her.And just because he talked with her politely doesn't mean that he is developing feelings for her.Arnav had always shown as a character who was sure about his feelings. He was unsure about khushi not because he didn't know how he felt, it was more about him losing control and later their compatibility and his ego.But when khushi saw and hear him talking to her like that it's bound to hurt her. He didn't even talk to her anymore and when he did it was always mixed with vitriol & bitterness. Here her insecurities raised it's head, a doubt settled in. She was seeing a man talking to his ex-girlfriend nicely,who he was going to marry willingly and somehow broke up suddenly for a reason unknown to her.And here she had hoped based on their holi conversation that there was something between them and it would be alright with time when he would forget his pain that she knew nothing about and the six month timeline would never come,coz he had feeling for her right? But she was realizing that probably she assumed wrong, probably he didn't love her,probably he loved someone else and the marriage would end because why would he be with her if he loved someone else. And she didn't tell it but khushi couldn't live without Arnav too. And Arnav loving someone else was equivalent to death for her.

Thus her mind found out the bizarre idea to cope with the pain.I always thought why the showrunners spent so much time in showing how khushi hallucinating Arnav killing her in different method instead of spending time in significant moment? Like Arnav had softened down a little bit toward her, he was concerned about her, kept asking her family what's wrong with her, he brought a glass of milk to her because she didn't eat enough at dinner,wanted her to see a doctor. In a very long time the rajkumar was winning in battle against the rakhsak. The Love of a lover was overshadowing the love of a brother and son.

Sheetal track

Before going into the sheetal track I was just curious about the easy acceptance of Aarav in the raizada family and even to Arnav.That family was preparing to welcome a child in their house that never came. Subconsciously, they might all saw the unborn,lost child in Aarav.Because even mami was so open with the idea of spoiling Aarav. At this vulnerable time they even Arnav formed a bond with Arnav unknowningly.

And also in regards of Arnav, since he knew Anjali was pregnant, he was preparing himself to be the father-figure of that child. Normally, maternal uncles didn't think like that, but he thought right? He planned to throw Shyam out of shantivan after the child would safely be born.After that he would be taking care of the child.He was preparing himself mentally for that duty. He would have been anything the child needed him to be. So, he was already softened with the idea of being a guardian to a child.

And he also could relate to Aarav,as Arnav also missed his father in his childhood. And all of these khushi misunderstood as bond between a father and a son.

Then let's discuss khushi, just like suicide track, in sheetal track, she also know with absolute certainty that Arnav loved her, she herself said that 'he loved me more than himself' and she also knew that Arnav couldn't live without her.

Then why all through the sheetal track she was so afraid of Arnav leaving her? It wasn't Arnav she was afraid of, she was afraid of her own ideology that if this child came out as Arnav's, she had to leave him so that Arnav provide his parental duty toward the child and it's not just name or financial support, it also include a family, a complete family,consists of both parents and she didn't see herself in that family. And that's why she was almost irrational in her pursuit to find out if Aarav was Arnav's child.

And also that's why she was feeling so left out during that basketball game.Till that day,Arnav didn't talk to Sheetal at all,not really.And it was clear Arnav was passionate about basketball in his college days.And for someone who had a bad childhood, college life certainly was a safe heaven for him. College life was a time when he didn't fully adopted his ASR sheild and had a chance to be his most truest self without any past trauma and responsibilities. And being in a foreign land the 3 indian students clearly formed a good bond. And it was cleared by Arnav that he dated sheetal for a very brief time,so brief to form any physical relationship with her and even broke up with her immediately after graduation, clearly she wasn't important enough to try having a relationship post college. But they were friends before they started dating. Basketball was something they played as friends not as couple.During that basketball game that friendship came out and Arnav wasn't completely ignorant about khushi. He inquired about her after coming inside and asked her where did she disappeared after the game and why she made jalebies. He was teasing her to make her relax but khushi never shared anything with Arnav. And that friendship didn't mean anything to Arnav actually, it was just falling in rhymes with an old friend. And when Arnav realized khushi was upset,he even stop interacting with sheetal beyond polite conversation after that.The marriage and relationship stuff was new for both of them.He was not a mind-reader and khushi rarely expressed what was bothering her.On the other hand,khushi didn't know what to do with the overwhelming possessiveness and insecurities that were brewing inside her.

And I think khushi was not really worried about Arnav having a bonding during the game thinking that he might be developing feelings for her or already had feelings for her. When she started to be bothered with sheetal, it started with the doubt with Aarav's paternity and intensified with the knowledge of their past dating history. She just wanted some solid proof that something romantic between them would be impossible in the future so that even if Aarav was indeed Arnav's child, Aarav's mother won't come in between khushi and Arnav. Thus the banter in basketball game made her worried. She was worried about the fact that if Aarav was proved to be Arnav's son, the family she wanted Arnav to give Aarav would be possible, because clearly Arnav and sheetal could have a relationship again for Aarav's sake.

And that's exactly she end up doing. After finding out Aarav was Arnav's, she attempted to leave Arnav so that he could give Aarav a complete family but she was in a way selfish herself too, she left the person she knew couldn't live without her because she couldn't bear the pain of seeing him with anyone else. She forgot all her promises, even promises she made mere few hours ago, just to escape the pain.She left before Arnav had a chance to leave her or tell her to leave. That's why when Arnav got hold of her insecurities he told her 'Arnav aur khushi hamesha saath rehenge' to assure her.

And khushi learnt a special lesson that night.What did loving really mean? Being there when all is fine? or being there no matter what? especially when nothing is fine. After realizing that khushi stood beside Arnav keeping aside her fear.She also learnt what did loving Arnav really mean, that tough guy needed someone to love him as he was and not to abandon him again like his mother did.

And the thing about knowing all the stuff about Arnav that sheetal knew but Khushi didn't. Doesn't that knowledge come with time,with living with the person,one learn new things about their partners everyday, but end of the day,these are all general knowledge, khushi knew the real Arnav,what he valued,what he feared.She helped him brought out the Arnav that he buried under the ASR mask.It wasn't sheetal that brought out the Arnav that played basketball and played drums.No it was khushi, khushi gave him the confidence to be his true self in the middle of his past trauma and responsibilities not in isolation.

I have watched that game very carefully without any bias.The moment that khushi was watching so carefully when Arnav and sheetal was about to collide, sheetal was so aggressive, Arnav was looking at her with a WTF face, I don't know about anyone,but I found it funny. If Khushi actually focused on participating in the game instead of being so worried, she would had noticed how easily Arnav gave the ball up to khushi or the smile he gave her when she was up against him. 😊

I was thinking about the formation of sheetal track similar with the contact marriage track, where in sheetal track khushi did the same thing that Arnav did to khushi during contract marriage track. Here I came to a horrifying theory how the sheetal track could have gone terribly wrong if not the show ended when it ended. We might see a forced marriage or almost a forced marriage again but between Arnav and sheetal, on khushi's request as Arnav was doing everything khushi requested him to do.I am thankful that we didn't have to see that kind of plot and it ended where it ended.

And that also tied around the question of redemption on khushi's side in sheetal track and on Arnav's side in contact marriage track.Khushi forgave Arnav instantly for every hurt he done and similarly Arnav also forgave khushi instantly as they both understand and love each other beyond anything else,a bond beyond anything else, stronger than anything else. A bond stronger & powerful than any bond Arnav could have made by playing basketball and playing drums.

My Scattered thoughts (13/?)

[gingerbreadmonsters]

here we are in heaven

or: for you are mine, at last.

gn!reader, no content warnings, fluff fluff fluff (with only a tiny bit of heart-wrenching in the middle, i promise!). the blessed hala day is upon us! happy birthday beloved @daveyistheloml 🥳🥳🥳 i hope you're having a wonderful day!! i’m… not great at david, so don’t look too closely - but for our girlie hala?? i can always make an exception hehe 💕💕💕 oh, and, uh - do forgive me. i couldn't resist. inspired by ‘at last’ by etta james, which i insist you listen to while you read. david falling in love at terminal velocity in 1000 words or less.

update: this now has a (much less fluffy) companion, wrapped up in clover 💕💕

Why are you following me?

To tell the truth, David Shaw has never really thought of himself as lucky.

He’s been fortunate, you could say. Blessed with good sense, good looks, good grace. Fire in his soul, wolf’s blood and the call of the moon. Growing up in Dahlia as normal as his dad could get him, a serious sort of boy who became a lonely sort of man. Magic doesn’t change that much, when you really think about it - people are still people, for better or worse, and six of one is still half a dozen of the other. Ups and downs, to be sure, but not exactly a charmed life.

(That being said, some of those downsides have been quite… significant, you might say. Never mind. Best not to dwell. Today’s a happy day, for happy things. There can be time for that later.)

In any case, David Shaw has never really been one to try his luck, or what little there is of it. Rolling the dice doesn’t come naturally to him - he’d much rather the reliability, the certainty of a fixed outcome. Safe and dependable and predictable. It’s much more reassuring to know, don’t you think? Bullets weren’t made to be bitten. The unknown is a scary, scary thing, especially for someone who was never meant to be alone.

Constancy, unfortunately, is hard to come by. To be fair, it’s not helped by the fact that most of the people in his life can turn into wolves. That does tend to complicate things. Luck doesn’t really seem to enter into it, though - growing up doesn’t just happen overnight, and there are preparations to be made. He’s never been afraid of hard work, and there’s more to life than random chance. Hope for the best, plan for the worst, and somewhere in the middle will have to be good enough. You might call it resigned. Forewarned is forearmed. He’d rather call it ready.

It works, for a little while. You know what they say about best laid plans. Nobody knows where luck comes from, but somehow, it never comes to David Shaw’s door. What does come is a phone call, and a tearful Marie, and the realisation that nothing will ever be right again.

(I know, I know, I said we weren’t going to dwell on it. Sorry.)

These things happen every day, apparently. Very common. He’s not alone.

Yeah. Easy for you to say.

A house for three, then two, now one. Fortune doesn’t smile upon him. Nowadays, he doesn’t smile either. It’s hard to grow up in freefall, and yet it’s the time you have to grow up the fastest of all. Eight minutes, and the world he knows freezes solid as the sun is snatched away. Days, months, years - it’s all the same out there, nerves shredded with ice, turning slowly into stone. David Shaw is adrift, tumbling through the stars into the blackness below, lost in space and running out of air.

Pick a colour. The chatterbox opens and closes, opens and closes. This is not the first time you and I have spun coins together. A losing streak can’t last forever, and the wheel has to stop at some point. Somewhere, in the dark glow of a world that shouldn’t exist, a thousand dice hit the table - and every single one comes up six.

The odds of bumping into a stranger in a fast-food restaurant are not exactly one in a million. What happens next, however, might be.

What is it about you, that makes him feel like… like this? How is it that you find him, over and over, sunshine in his moonbound soul? Maybe it’s gravity, that force that brings him ever into your orbit, that catches him out of the crumbling sky and leaves him lightly at your feet. Maybe it’s karma, some grand scale that decides enough is enough, shoves him gently in the right direction and repays its debt a hundredfold. Or maybe it’s something else, some fate or chance or fortune - and it isn’t his to question why. You come crashing into his life with all the dazzle of a shooting star, the meteor flame in his heart, and David Shaw learns that some questions, perhaps, don’t really need answers.

Once in a lifetime, you might say. Made for you, destined for you, soulmates. Fortune favours the bold, and there’s few bolder than you - if anyone could fight fate, it would be you. If anyone could defy the laws of the universe, it would be his mate, waiting for him in the living room that he bought with you, curled up on the sofa that you chose together. Was he made for you? No way of knowing, but he’s not sure it matters. You find him anyway. Nothing as inconsequential as destiny could ever stand in your way and make it out unscathed.

His other half. Marie calls you that, and he can’t help but smile every time, because it’s true. Astronomical odds, that his path might cross with yours, that he might walk together with you towards the unknowable future, and that you might let him. Isn’t that a miracle? The blue moon calls to him, wolf’s blood and all, and he finds you hanging it in the sky for him, right next to the mirror in the hallway.

See you around, troublemaker.

masterlist

So it's true - luck has never really been on his side. Whatever. Call it what you will, it doesn't matter. Let fate try its hand - don't you know who you're talking to? All roads lead him home, in every world, in every universe, and his heart is weightless in the joyful gravity of you. When it comes to chance, David Shaw has never been a lucky sort of man. But here, in your arms, he has never been anything less than blessed.

take a trip to the other side of the mirror?

this is an original work by @gingerbreadmonsters - please do not repost or misattribute

[miiilowo]

I forgot William could juggle omg. Mentally adding that to my silly facts about him.

Sorry for so many asks its like 1am and I'm just like so feral about your interpretation of William. You are are so correct about him all the time and hes such a silly little guy

How do you think William went about the murders? Did he try to be sorta detached from it or did he amp up the villian persona?

Do you imagine the 5 missing children all were killed in one day or over the course of a week? Canon seems to support both options a bit I think , but more leaning towards all at once I think, it's been a bit since I checked

How many murders did your William commit? That tends to vary alot depending on what theories and who you ask.

Oooh how'd he go about luring them? Was it just a simple "hey I have a surprise for you come follow me" or did he gain their trust longer than that or did the SL animatronics do all the work for him. Did he just target random kids or did he have a method for picking them. Speaking of, did he plan at all which animatronics they were going to possess?

How'd he avoid getting caught? Did he?

Hmm lots of murders questions let's go off topic. If he had to own a pet what animal would he prefer. Like he def LOVES rabbits. But hmm, they like, need more work and attention than a cat. And William doesn't seem like he'd be great at that

As a children's entertainer, did he often try to throw fun birthday parties for his kids? Oh hmm, why was Evan having his party at Fredbear's if he's so scared of animatronics? Bc he obviously does care about Evan. Ive personally always interpreted that as like, William being too busy + recovering from the springlocks to like, plan something proper but there's honestly so many ways you could think of the why, so I'd love to hear your interpretation!

HEGHENEGEHEEGEHEHE EHEHEEHE HEGEHE <- likes thinking about the murders a normal amount <- lie <- fraud <- misconstruance <- trickery

i .okay so i.ok. Ok. so. ok. So. Okay. S

i am personally fond of making him as unhinged as possible in that regard. if im going to be obsessed with a cartoonish murderer im going to want him to get fucking silly with it alright im not gonna make him do some boring shit like sedating his victims before killing them or something <- targeted toward the novels

there is a LOOOOOOOT of inconsistency in "canon" sources. (canon in quotations because anything aside from the books is dubiously canon. half of the time i feel like im in the warrior cats fandom again with how people cannot AGREE ON ANYTHING OR REMEMBER INFORMATION) it makes sense for it to be done tastefully considering this is kind of a sensitive topic, being. murder. and all. theres less details about it. however, i have issues and problems and need to know everything about him or else ill DIE. BADLY

while the idea of him doing them all at once has been the agreed upon thing for...pretty much the past eight and a half years, i find the idea of them being one at a time more interesting. going about it strategically and with some level of premeditation makes for good contrast with charlies murder, which was very clearly a crime of passion. by creating more stark contrast between these events, it makes charlies death feel more significant, generally more fucked up, and more ... Out of character, for william. It makes it feel like it really MEANT something, if everyone else's deaths were executed in a way that really shows the difference in motivation/intent :3

i personally think that charlie was the first death, and was motivated by williams envy & resentment regarding henry since shes his daughter. Very heat of the moment, fueled by hatred for her father; swift, i imagine. probably just had a pocket knife in his car or something. i think this event is what makes william realize he enjoys killing; as much as i'd like to paint him in the most pathetic light possible, i can't imagine hed kill children for the sake of feeling powerful. obliterating charlie out of obsessive gay jealousy obviously probably made him feel like he had power over henry, which im sure he adored, but i generally think hes in it for something else.

I refuse to believe anything but the idea that he loves the thrill of it. I make note of this because of how he reacts to being springlocked in the novels, where he was sort of drunk on the pain, and was having far too much fun with it. That, and because he's an entertainer, a performer, he probably enjoys excitement quite a lot. He loves big reveals, he loves drama, he loves reactions! I think that can be applied to the murders as well :3 I've said all this, while leaving out my best supporting piece of evidence, being that, in canon, for Cassidy's death, he kidnapped her and beat her to death. With a shovel. So. Seems a bit over the top. To Me. I dont know. Like if he wasnt. Having fun with it then. Yknow.

My favorite favorite favorite thing about afton is how he just sort of sloooooowly unraveled over time. And even when he DID snap, there was sort of a gradual worsening as time went on; I dont think he WANTED to like killing, but he did! And eventually, he gave in to that desire to get as violent as possible. He stopped caring, and he started to enjoy it, instead of pushing it away.

Its also important to note I do think there was only one missing childrens incident. While I wouldnt put it past william to do it twice just to shut down multiple freddys locations out of spite, there isnt really a lot of evidence to suggest that he killed at the fnaf 2 location; everything that goes on there can be explained by other means we already have.

So, Susie goes first!!!!!!! By this point, I firmly believe that Elizabeth has already died, charlie has obviously already died, and Henry has forbade William from ever setting foot on the premises ever again, but he gets away with it by wearing the spring bonnie suit. Killed her dog, apparently. Prick. Anyways, chica/susie states that she was the first to go and has apparently 'seen everything'. I don't take this as necessarily meaning that he did everything at once, especially since we know he Fucking Kidnapped Cassidy, but i do believe all of them were dragged into that saferoom at some point. oh, yeah, i also think its the saferoom because

not on the cameras

employees only really go in there if theyre literally bleeding out from the springlock suits, and the suits were decommissioned when william used them, meaning no employee would have ANY reason to be in the safe room. the phone guy states the spring bonnie animatronic was 'noticeably moved', then reminds people they arent supposed to be used, which supports me thinking william used the suits when employees werent supposed to use them + means nobody regularly fucks with the suits that ARE in there in the first place if this is a notable event he has to point out

animatronics dont know it exists. not in their programming. what are they gonna do, tell his fucking mom

i dont know why im explaining why the saferoom would be the best option i just see that nobody seems to agree on this for some reason

easier to do it in a room nobody can access rather than dragging them outside while theyre alive and/or concious

makes sense for him to know all this since he used to own the franchise

anyway, he probably didn't have too much trouble getting them back there since he had the suit on, but he also knows what hes doing in general. even if he werent wearing the suit i dont doubt he'd have been able to pull it off. hes a childrens entertainer. probably told them he had candy or cake for them, or some sort of surprise, maybe lied to them and said their mom or dad was in trouble and they needed to follow him, that kind of thing, standard fuckin. kidnapping behavior i guess. as for selecting the victims, picking kids who were kindof off by themselves doing their own thing makes the most sense. i imagine thats the only thought he put into it

while id LOVE for each death to be as bloody as possible, im not sure william could really afford that, given the setting he was in. hard to get too messy when youre in a public establishment; even if it was unlikely anyone would ever come into the saferoom, its probably better to make cleaning up the evidence a relatively easy process. i really. really really really like the idea of him using an axe for some reason? i know it was popularized because of the die in a fire music video, and would not be pertaining to how he killed anybody, but im attached to it got DAMNIT. im kind of contradicting myself because axe murdering is like an inherently messy process but yknow. maybe that was just one of em. it doesnt seem outlandish to me that there could be an axe in the saferoom- Like a fireaxe, yknow? i can imagine him having a knife knocked out of his hands, panicking and grabbing that. thats fun. i like that one

actual timeframe though. ummmmm. definitely not all in one day, but having them be throughout a week seems too long. having kids go missing in One Place over the course of a WEEK feels like it would be giving the place ample time to get shut down briefly. i give him 3 days ABSOLUTE maximum. maybe two.

initially i think he wanted the sister location animatronics to do the work for him, but after liz dies he doesnt wanna deal with them because. grief, and after killing charlie he processes that he doesnt mind getting his hands dirty i guess. so theres that. the sister location animatronics never really got the chance to function how he wanted them to because circus babys pizza world never opened

as for how he didnt get CAUGHT, there just...Wasnt enough evidence to convict him. DNA testing was introduced in 1986, one year after the murders occurred, and i suppose any crime scenes wouldve been wiped clean by the time forensics couldve been involved. It's definitely a situation where a lot of people just KNEW he did it, but it fell flat in a court of law- Henry, of course, would be one of those people who knew. That, and the fact fazbear ent is very scummy when it comes to those sort of things, prioritizing their brand over individual people. Even if Henry knew william did it, he'd probably want to crack down on people continuing to pursue his arrest; itd be bad for the company, after all! having their name attached to this forever? having one of their FOUNDERS attached to it forever? absolutely not. hed know there was no way theyd imprison william, and dragging the ordeal out would just cause damage to the label. henry may be better than william, but he is not a beacon of all that is right and good in the world. remember this forever

anyways um! im a firm believer in the idea he'd have a bunny. i can understand where ur coming from w the 'theyd be too much work to take care of' sentiment, but he had 3 kids, and a bunny is still less work than 3 kids. admittedly, he hated one of them and the other two died, but YKNOW its not like hes a complete stranger to taking care of things. michael lasted a long time. technically was only tangentially williams fault he died. cat would be good too

i do think he'd probably want to plan things for the kids as well, which is demonstrated by evans birthday party. i think at this point in the timeline he was just very, very caught up in his work, as shown by him watching them remotely through the camera system in his house + talking to evan via the fredbear plushie. so generally i agree w you on that, i dont have much to add :]

[bhristyy]

To my new aquaintance, a 30 year old gay man;

We casually speak to each other as if we have met at least once before. Out of boredom and pure curiosity I asked him for his zodiac sign followed by finding out his lifepath number. He was a Leo and his lifepath number was 4. I was very familiar with this type of person.

My ex boyfriend whom I dated for years, towards the end of high school, had a significant importance in my life at the time. I told my new aquaintance that lifepath 4’s are extremely disiplined, like stability, routine, and structure. Extremely hardworking people, that like to set goals. Outside of that, I told him that I admire how much Leos love unconditionally and being a lifepath 4 is such an overlooked mentally strong person. Someone that can lose it all today and rebuild everything again. Once things go extremely wrong, I admire the fact that they can start from scratch and rebuild their lifestyle. He ended up crying in my arms in public because he had never felt so heard and so seen. He admitted that he use to be too busy pouring into other people’s cups that he felt empty and in order for him to fully love another person again he has to fully love himself.

Why Leos are my favorite sign:

This took me back to a time where my ex and I were together and we had fond memories. He was a very good partner and a loyal friend. I use to visit my friend’s house every day who lived down the street…

My ex was always there because they were bestfriends. He was someone who almost all the girls at my school had a crush on. He was 5’10, mixed with black and asian, toned with abs, built arms, tattoos, a deep jawline, quiet, and very calm. At a glance, I could tell he was good looking, just normally not the type of men I went for. He was a pretty boy.

Gradually we became closer, we started to sleep next to each other, and became more touchy. We ended up becoming friends with benefits because he expressed attraction towards me. He asked me out and we became a couple. I could already feel his love towards me growing everyday as we got to know each other. He had severe mommy issues. His mom ended up kicking him out and I took him in. He was forever appreciative of this. I was still very young at the age of 17 and he was 19. Living together made us know everything about each other. I had undiagnosed BPD. I was extremely moody, sad, anxious, jealous, angry, happy, and unhappy all in a matter of hours. I often took things out on him, because I was so broken and so hurt from childhood trauma and wounds. He made things at home as peaceful as he could. We would shower together, cook for each other, go on dates, and watch movies together. He always gave me half his paychecks, bought me my first car, paid for my upkeep, and helped me with my homework. I felt very taken cared of. He always remembered every holiday, birthday, and more. He did whatever possible to make life easier for me and always kept his word.

He truly loved me for who I was. He came home one day with my name tattooed. I felt really special and adored. We spent most of our days going to work, cooking, playing video games, and enjoying our time together. Being so young, I still wanted to hangout with my friends. We hung out with mutual friends, but it wasn’t the same. We both grew very jealous hanging out with the opposite sex. He thought I loved male attention, bruh-girls definitely didn’t exist in 2012. I guess it didn’t matter to me whether I went out or not, but I also felt like I was missing out on life.

We eventually had to move away from each other and both of us lost the ability to make effort or stay in touch, I suppose. I don’t remember our ending too much. I just know we tried to get back together again and we just didn’t feel the same. I mostly only liked him as a friend. I wasn’t able to feel for him romantically.

What I learned:

As much I think I wasted time, I actually didn’t. I learned so much from this. I learned how to appreciate the small things in life more and how to love. Us being together kept both of us safe from nonsense. We built together, worked together, and reached personal goals. I did not have immediate family emotionally there for me at the time. Later, when I helped him make amends with his mother, his family treated me like family. He showed me the love and loyalty I never got. I appreciate all of his efforts for being there for me. I wish I felt the same way towards him, but I didn’t and just couldn’t force myself to. However, I wish him the best sincerely and hope life treats him as well as he once treated me. We do not follow each other on social media and I do not have feelings for him, but part of me wishes maybe some day I will meet someone and will be able to give them a love so selfless, unconditional, and pure. I hope that he is doing well, married and with the children he always wanted.

P.S. I am sorry I never loved you in that way, but thank you for being in my life and showing me something I didn’t know I needed.

[edwardgdunn]

I Woke Up And My Friends Were Gone!

I have a birthday around the corner and I had the following conversation with my wife…

“This is a big birthday coming up, what do you want to do?

“Thank you for asking, my love. I haven’t  thought about it much, to be honest. Really, it’s just another day on the calendar to me.”

“OK, well, do you want to have a party, or go out with friends maybe?”

I thought about that. And it brought into full focus something I had been feeling, sensing in the background, for quite a long while. Something that I think I hadn’t been quite ready to fully consider. Now, here it was, staring me in the face – and it wasn’t going to be so easily swept under the rug this time. It’s as if it was saying…

“OK birthday boy. I’m here. I’ve been here a while now. And this time I’m gonna stay right here until we work through this. OK? OK!”

So that was it then. I was going to have to deal with this less than intrepid interloper that was horning in on my happy week.

Here it is, unvarnished, real, raw…

When you set out on a path toward awakening, your social circle begins to shrink. Not only that, the dynamics of your family relationships undergo a significant re-tooling as well. All of which can be extremely unsettling and outright disorienting.

The first thing to understand here is that this is completely normal and has been the case with every soul who sought to wake up since the first human being set out on the journey. You are not alone in this respect. As a matter of fact, you are in the company of some of the most extraordinary people who have ever walked this earth, so take heart.

As your path begins to take you further and further away from things like ego, consumerism, fundamentalism, gossip, excessive use of intoxicants, small talk – the list is pretty extensive – something begins to shift. Not only how you relate to the people in your life but how they relate to you. For the most part, they are confused and begin to feel like they don’t really know you anymore – and they would be right. It is essentially impossible for them to have any inkling of the transformation that is happening within you. Just as impossible as it would be for  the dreamer to know that the person laying next to them in bed is awake.

As for you, you begin to feel an undercurrent of discomfort in circles where the old paradigms dominate. As your eyes begin to open, everything looks and feels different. For many, it feels like you are hanging around somewhere that you really don’t belong. Your friends, and to a certain extent your family, sense it too. They may become increasingly ill-at-ease around you because, well, you aren’t really you anymore, at least not the “you” they are familiar with.

Nobody, of course wants to acknowledge the obvious, much less outwardly and openly discuss it. So what tends to happen is slowly, gradually, the distances increase, the encounters become fewer, and a birthday approaches when you are asked…

“Do you want to have a party?”

And that’s when you realize that you don’t particularly want to spend a milestone birthday with the same people you would have not all that long ago. BAM – there it is, sitting on your door step. Only this time it won’t leave until you invite it in and offer it some nice refreshments – until you get to know one another a bit.

Human beings are highly social creatures. It is hard wired into our DNA by evolution in an effort to keep us alive, to pass on our genetic material. So when we sense our social circle decreasing in size and scope, something very primal within us begins to panic. Our amygdala goes berserk. Again, completely natural. The fear response will subside – it always does.

Awakening, enlightenment if you will, is a highly destructive path. All manner of habits, relationships, perspectives, rituals, even identities get obliterated in the process. This can be unsettling on some days – downright terrifying on others. This is precisely where so many turn back – back to the perceived safety and comfort of the known. But, the obstacle IS the way. The discomfort is the gateway to the unimaginable love, light and peace that we have always suspected, somewhere deep down, has been there waiting for us all along.

So I will spend this birthday with only a precious few souls – and I’m glad for it.

That’s exactly how I want it

That’s exactly as it should be.

That’s exactly “the way.”

Check out the podcast episode…

Check out the Happiness 2.0 Podcast — https://podcast.edwardgdunn.com/

Read the Happiness 2.0 Blog — https://edwardgdunn.com/blog

[jungk0oksthighs]

Against The Odds | Happy Birthday pt.1

Pairing - jungkook x reader, taehyung x reader

Genre - angst, smut, fluff, established relationship, ceo!jungkook, ceo!reader, attorney!taehyung

Word Count - 3.5k

You have a pre-birthday dinner with Yuri to take your mind off the hardships of life

Warnings: swearing, light drinking, mentions of kidnapping and family drama, significant plot point

FULL SERIES COLLECTION

“You know I hate surprise parties, and my birthday isn’t until tomorrow so I don’t even know why we’re here.” You roll your eyes, suspicious of how Yuri has been stalling your ‘birthday meal’ for a very long time. “So if there’s a surprise party happening and you’re just trying to stall me… Tell me now.” Your brow quirks when you point your fork at her, curious.

“Nope. No surprise party! I just reallllly wanted to try these desserts I’ve heard so much about them from my friend.” She beams, tucking into a soufflé that the head chef advised would take ‘a while’ to cook, but she didn’t mind. And she’s eating it slowly. Super slowly, lazily enjoying every single mouthful for at least two minutes at a time.

Something’s up.

Things in your life have been hectic lately to say the least. The police and media outlets have been swarming you and your family for updates about your nephew Charlie and his whereabouts. You’ve barely slept, barely eaten and the walls of your brain have been so chaotic with destructive, intrusive thoughts towards the situation that you completely forgot tomorrow's your birthday until you arrived at work and Yuri insisted on taking you for a celebratory dinner this evening.

You’re sitting in an upscale Michelin star restaurant by the window, wearing an elegant little black dress and heels of the same colour, being sure to cover your face whenever the paparazzi catch sight of you. The food is gorgeous, the dimly lit decor exquisite, the atmosphere sophisticated and classy. It’s lovely and you’re having a nice evening for sure. Yuri looks outstanding as always in a burnt orange blazer pant suit as bright as her smile, it’s nice.

Everything has been so crazy with Charlie’s disappearance and the media and eating it up. As though you and your loved ones aren’t devastated by the news. Truthfully this the first outing you’ve had in a while, simply because of everything going on. Today was your second day back at the office, Jungkook was the one who convinced you that perhaps some normality and routine would do you and your mental health some good. And in a way he was right, in another way – not so much.

“Oh yeah? Who told you about the desserts being so good?” You grill her, pushing your negative thoughts deep enough to deal with another time. It’s painfully obvious your assistant is hiding something and she’s definitely taking her time for a good reason. You fear the worst, you’ve always hated surprise parties to your very core, and the fact your best friend Jimin wasn’t invited tonight only makes you all the more suspicious, giving that they both get along so well.

“Hoseok told me.” She grins, flashing you an animated wink, paired with a tongue click.

At this you inhale, brows high, eyes growing wide when you nod, “Ah yes, Romeo himself, guess I should’ve seen that coming.” You chuckle.

As fate would have it your assistant and Jungkook’s assistant really hit it off when they officially met a few weeks ago, and with yours and Kook’s lives being the centre of the news again, they’ve been spending a lot of time together dealing with the fallout. You don’t know if they’re dating dating, but you do know Yuri is very much interested in more than hooking up with him. His sharp jawline and model-like features are pretty much all she talks about these days.

“Seriously Y/N? You’re not going to finish your dessert?” Yuri gestures to the almost whole fruit tart sitting in the centre of your navy plate with her chin. “You barely touched your main either.”

“I’m not really hungry…” You sigh, “Sorry I just-, this is really nice. It’s just that I haven’t been out in a while... Not since, well you know.”

When Yuri catches sight of your deflated expression she reaches a hand atop the table, taking yours. “Hey, they’re going to find him. I promise. Ruth may be crazy but she’s still his mom, she wouldn’t hurt him. And the police are doing—”

“Doing everything they can to help, I know.” You feign a smile, it’s the same conversation you’ve had with everybody else lately. Including your fiancé who’s being saying those exact words over and over again like his own personal mantra.

Things with Jungkook haven’t been…great in recent weeks. Of course he’s still the most supportive, loving and kindest man you’ve ever known and he’s done his absolute best to make sure you’re okay. But your sex life is still non-existent. Some people could assume you wouldn’t want to be fucked senseless at a time like this, and they’re probably right, but a part of you craves his touch more than ever. Maybe to distract you from the hardships of life, or maybe to simply prove that you’re overthinking things and your relationship is fine.

Because in all honestly, it doesn’t feel fine.

Yuri offers an apologetic smile, knowing when to change the subject, “So… Have you seen much of Taehyung recently? You haven’t mentioned him in a while.”

“No not really.” You shrug nonchalantly, “He hasn’t been over lately and I guess I’ve been too busy to reach out to him. I’m sure he’s fine though, he always is.”

Another bullet point on the list of things that are worrying you: Taehyung. You can’t shake the feeling that he and Jungkook have fallen out, despite Kook insisting they haven’t whenever you ask. He hasn’t been over to your apartment, he hasn’t called, texted, nothing. And with him being your attorney and having eyes and ears in the celebrity gossip world you figure he’s well aware of the situation at hand. But still he’s chosen to stay away. For what reason you’re unsure, maybe he’s just busy, or perhaps you’re the one to blame since you haven’t contacted him yourself in a while.

“Hmm…” She hums in agreement, picking up her phone that’s vibrating on the table, face down. One look at her screen and her face changes, “Okay, we should go now if you’re done with your dessert.” Her grin is wide, and you can’t help but chuckle to yourself.

“Could you be any more obvious? Who was that texting you—”

“Nobody!” She yells, half-drunk half-offended, “Y/N I’m serious there’s no surprise party so get that out your head right now. It was Hoseok, he wants to see me tonight. Are we okay to take separate cabs? Only cause he lives the other side of the city.”

You smile kindly at her, “Fine. But if I get ambushed when I get to my apartment by balloons, screams and hugs...you’re fired.”

“The only person waiting for you in your apartment is Jungkook,” Yuri snorts, pointing her finger at you, “He might make you scream though, since you’re a couple of sex obsessed freaks.”

You’re laughing but her words find a way to chip at your heart since at the moment that’s very much not the case, “Well I hope you have the best booty call of your life with Hobi tonight, Kook says he’s a great guy.”

“You know he dances in his spare time right? Gosh, those hips can move—”

You shove your fingers in your ears, squeezing your eyes shut, “Ahh! Okay I get it, la la la! I don’t want to know about Kook’s assistant’s hips thank you! Can we get the bill now?!”

Yuri is laughing loudly, chugging the rest of her red wine in one, “Funny thing is I’m not even sorry. Best dick I've ever had.”

As expected the paparazzi swarm you when you’re making way to your cab, asking outrageous questions about your sister and nephew. You’re so done with this shit, you never asked for this life and you hate the fact your privacy is invaded almost every time you step foot outside. You give the driver your address and sink into the back seat with a frustrated groan.

Yuri messages you as soon as she’s made it to Hoseok’s place, but you’re too busy reading a news article about Ruth and Charlie that you miss the notification. The taxi driver has to verbally tell you when you’ve arrived because your nose is buried deep into your cell phone, as it usually is these days. You know better than to get caught up in the media storm, but you can’t seem to help yourself. No matter how emotionally draining it is.

When you get into the complex your brows are pinched with curiosity, gaze landing on Taehyung sitting on a red velvet chair by the elevator. He's holding what appears to be some kind of outfit zipped up in an all-black hanging bag. And he looks…rough.

It’s maybe been two weeks? Since you last saw him, but you notice he’s unshaved for the first time, his brunette hair is longer and kisses his feline-eyes and he’s bouncing his leg anxiously when you approach him, heels clicking on the white marble floor.

“Tae? Are you okay?” You sink your head lower, trying to meet his eyes when they suddenly snap up to you, startled.

“Y/N… Hey.” He smiles, it’s soft and closed but it’s still a smile nonetheless. He’s wearing an emerald green suit with a cream shirt and dainty gold chain breaking up the solid forest colour, the first three buttons of his shirt undone exposing his tanned chest. “You look amazing, have you been out?”

You’re still frowning when your tongue clicks against the roof of your mouth, “Uh, yeah. Dinner with Yuri.” You nod, looking him dead in the eye momentarily. “Are you okay…? What’s with the… Whatever that is.” You point to the large dry-cleaning bag with a manicured finger.

At this Taehyung stands, his frame towering over you despite your heels. He sighs, stare never faltering from yours when he wets his lips. “It’s your birthday present from me. Sorry if it’s too much but—”

“You didn’t have to get me anything Tae, besides it’s not til tomorrow.” You chuckle, flicking your hair over your shoulder when you cut him off. “Why don’t you come up? Can’t help but notice you haven’t showed your face in a while. I’m sure Jungkook would be happy to see you.” Your hand finds his shoulder, rubbing it reassuringly.

“Ah, I don’t know about that…” He averts his gaze to your hand on him, nervously chewing his lip. “To be honest with you I only came to give you this. I should really get going now.”

“You sat here for god knows how long,” You cock your head to one side, brows raised, “Just to give me this? How did you even know I was out in the first place? I could’ve been upstairs and then you would’ve been sat here all night on your own. Come on, I’m not taking no for an answer we’re going upstairs.”

“Well I only just got here and, Y/N wait—” He protests when you grab him by the elbow, dragging him to the elevator doors where you push the button with your free hand.

“You’re coming up and we're going to have a drink, end of conversation.” You grin, “So can I open it upstairs?” Your brows wiggle animatedly, and he freezes on the spot.

“No! I mean... no, it’s not your birthday til tomorrow you said.” His laugh is barely inaudible, breathy and albeit a little awkward.

You tut, playfully rolling your eyes when the elevator dings, “Fine… You’ve got me there.”

There’s a beat of comfortable silence before he clears his throat, pushing the P button for you once you’re inside the golden elevator that leads straight to your apartment. “So how have you been? Aside from the obvious.” When the doors close he turns to face you, his usually sharp profile soft and kind as he listens attentively to everything you have to say.

“Well… Not great.” You admit with a sigh, “Everybody keeps telling me it’ll all be fine in the end and that the police will find them but…” Your smile fades, discomfort blanketing your features, “They don’t know my sister like I do. She’s cunning, and dangerous and honestly? I’m terrified she’s going to do something… Well yknow. I just feel so useless, like there’s nothing I can do.”

“It’s okay to feel how you feel, you know that right?” Taehyung’s voice is gentle and deep, face riddled with sympathy when he locks eyes with you, “You’re doing everything you can to stay sane and I’d say that’s more than enough. If something like that happened to one of my siblings… I wouldn’t be anywhere near as strong as you’re being right now.”

You exhale, nodding slowly with the tiniest of smiles threatening to tug your lips, “Thanks Taehyung…that’s really sweet of you.”

Taehyung shakes his head, thick brows furrowed when he edges closer to you, “I mean it Y/N. You need to give yourself more credit, after everything you’ve been through you still find a way to take it all in your stride. And that’s fucking amazing.”

Blood rushes to your cheeks at his words, gaze falling to your feet when holding eye contact with him proves too intense for you. He really is one of your closest friends. He’s so unbelievably kind and always has been. It suddenly dawns on you that you don’t know what’s happened between him and your fiancé, so you take this private moment with him as the perfect opportunity to ask.

“Tae?” You hum, peering back up at him. He’s clinging onto your birthday present as though his life depended on it, slender fingers gripping the material hard enough for his hands to ache you’re sure.

He blinks at you, plump lips ajar, “Yeah?”

“What…. Why haven’t you been coming round as much? I kind of get the feeling you and Jungkook have fallen out or something.” You’re breathing through your nose, mindlessly toying with the hem of your dress just above your knee.

“Mmm.” He nods, chewing his lips when he looks to the elevator doors instead of you, “We haven’t fallen out don’t worry about that, we just-, he just needed some space from me I guess.”

“…Space? What do you mean?”

“It’s…complicated.” He can’t physically look at you, busying his eyesight with anything but you. “I love him so much. I miss him so fucking much, he’s like a brother to me. You know that right?

 “Of course!” You’re hanging onto his every word, trained to his face even though he’s not giving you the same amount of attention. “What happened between you two? There’s nothing in this world that’s worth losing your friendship Tae, I know he misses you.”

“Yeah?” Hope brightens his expression when he turns to you, “He said that?”

You swallow, “Well… Not in so many words but—”

His face drops into something sullen, “Thought so.”

“Taehyung what the hell happened?” Your voice is slightly raised when you talk with your hands, emphasising your words, “What could possibly come between you both that’s so bad? Kook’s been so moody since you stopped speaking and he won’t come anywhere near me and I just can’t help but feel like I’m missing something! Please Tae…” Both hands find his shoulders where you hold him in place, he gulps, “Just tell me what’s wrong. Let me help you.”

His eyes close, long eyelashes dusting the high points of his cheekbones, “You’re the one person who can’t help me Y/N. I’m-, I’m sorry. I’m just gonna go.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” You quietly scoff, gently letting him go with a deep frown. “Why can’t I help? I love you both and I want to be there for—”

“No Y/N you love Jungkook.” His gaze is fierce, as though something’s just snapped inside of him when he glares down at you with a jaw set tight enough to snap, “You love Jungkook and you want to be there for Jungkook. It’s always going to be about Jungkook with you, you’re marrying Jungkook, you’re in love with Jungkook and you’re gonna live happily ever after with guess who? Jungkook. You’re fucking perfect for each other and you don’t need my bullshit coming between that.”

“Last time I checked you was my friend,” You bite, mirroring the intensity of his sudden outburst, “And I do love you Taehyung, whether you like it or not I want to be there for you and help you through whatever this. Both of you, because I care about you both. Just tell me what happened… Please.”

“I-,” He huffs, kicking his head back in frustration, “Y/N seriously… I can’t!” His voice is louder than before, brows raised when his chest heaves with hurried breaths. He looks as though he's losing his patience.

You soften, offering him an apologetic smile. You don’t want to upset him but he needs to know you’ll be here for him no matter what, “You can Taehyung… Whatever it is, I can help you through it. God knows how many times you’ve helped me when I’ve been going through—”

“Y/N stop.” He warns, shaking his head.

“Taehyung...” You sigh, playfully nudging his arm with your fist, “It’s me! You can tell me anything, I want to help you—”

He drops your present to the ground, gripping either side of your arms when he starts screaming like a mad man, shaking you slightly and startling you completely.

“Fine! You really wanna help?! I’m in love with you! Okay?! Are you happy now?! I love you. I love you so fucking much and it’s killing me inside every single fucking day of my sad, pathetic excuse of existence!” He scoffs, eyes wide and frantically searching for a reaction in yours when he wets his lips once again, “You want to know what happened between me and Kook? I fell in love with his fiancé and put him in an awkward position. I. Me. I did it. I’m the only one to blame for any of this and it’s fucking tearing me apart that I’ve hurt him and on top of that I can’t have you! I'll never have you! The one person I can actually see myself sharing a future with and you're my best friend's fiancé! All I want is for you to be happy Y/N! Even if it's never going to be with me.”

Unbeknownst to you and Taehyung the elevator doors are already open. Your friends, family, loved ones… Yuri, Jimin, Yoongi, Hoseok, your parents, your fiancé all standing in your dimly lit apartment dressed to the nines in complete, stunned silence. Until Jungkook clears his throat, winning you to push his best friend away from your frame and look in his direction. His deep voice is merely a whisper when it rolls off his tongue, the single word laced with venom that matches the darkness swimming behind his hooded eyes.

“...Surprise.”

x

[miraculouscontent]

After reading that, I think it's safe to say that Miraculous Ladybug is more of a horror/psychological thriller than romance/comedy. And now I want an AU where Marinette takes the earrings off and realizes that they're messing with head

Marinette felt strange, and after getting used to the feeling of being on the Startrain, she knew it wasn't the cause. She felt lighter - less restricted - somehow, and while a part of her had expected that due to handing off the ladybug miraculous, it wasn't in the way she'd expected.

Once she was done sending Alya all the Ladybug tips, Marinette had figured they'd start talking about Adrien or what their next scheme would be once she got back, but she ended up finding the idea tiring. It was odd in the way that finding something in her room just slightly out of place would be (at least before the kwami began living there).

Everything she'd thought she might feel - anxiety over what could go wrong while she was gone, concern over how the kwami were doing in her absence, and longing for who she'd pictured as the love of her life - wasn't there. It felt completely unlike her, just as it felt unlike Alya to not reply to her messages considering how much she liked to be on her phone.

Abandoning the idea of texting Alya for now, she closed their conversation and idly started browsing her phone. Even still, the weird feeling didn't cease and her hero senses were going off.

Something was wrong, or... maybe right? It wasn't as if she was feeling anything bad, but she felt entirely different than when she was in Paris. It was hard to get a gauge on exactly how she should take it.

Marinette glanced at her parents, catching herself frowning before they could glance back. She looked at her phone, acting like nothing was wrong and idly scrolling through her various apps so as to look busy. In the process, she stumbled upon her gallery, finding her mass of Adrien images inside. It took up a majority of her pictures, and she found herself blushing in embarrassment rather than fondness.

Did she really have this many normally? How much time had she taken getting them?

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, thrown off by just how different she felt. The reaction to seeing Adrien that she'd normally have where she'd lose all focus had virtually disappeared, and the only reason she'd missed it at all was because it gave her an absurd amount of mental clarity concerning how she'd be acting otherwise.

Clarity...

The word brought a particular face to her mind: pink lips, blue eyes, and black hair highlighted blue at the tips. Marinette ran her fingers through her own hair, ruffling it as she tried to piece out how she was feeling. All she knew was that - whatever it was - it was significant and she didn't have Tikki to vent to.

Though perhaps she wouldn’t had much to provide anyway.

A mix of trepidation and curiosity filling her. Switching away from her gallery, she went back to her conversations and pulled up her texts with Luka. Despite her confusion over whatever was happening to her at the moment, she managed a smile at Luka's contact image staring fondly at her.

After a moment of consideration, she typed out:

Hey. Sorry if you're busy. Thought we could talk?

That done, she navigated back to her gallery to look at all her Adrien pictures. She shifted in her seat again, as if it would change things or help her mind adjust to the unfamiliar sensation. It wasn't like looking at Adrien didn't make her feel anything at all, but that feeling could only be described as "normal," like the way she saw him before he'd given her that umbrella.

Before she officially became a ladybug holder who agreed to protect the people of Paris...

Her lips twitched in hesitant thought, her thumb brushing against her screen as she skimmed through the assortment of Adrien pictures. Her brain registered a feeling - or rather, lack thereof - and the foreign emotions encouraged her to act.

She tapped the garbage can icon experimentally, a notification popping up accordingly and asking her if she'd like to delete the picture. She brought the phone closer to her chest, like she felt she was doing something wrong, yet there was only a second of pause before she confirmed the decision.

She watched as Adrien disappeared, a message indicating that the picture had been trashed.

Marinette blinked at the message until it had timed out, bringing her back to the gallery. She was frozen in place, her fingers twitching against the side of the phone as she processed what she'd just done.

Then, she did it again. She tapped on another picture of Adrien, a weird mix of eagerness and interest urging her thumb along as she pressed the garbage can icon again, confirming the decision just as quickly.

Just before the image disappeared, a stray thought said aloud in her mind: black hair and blue eyes would've worked better for an outfit like that.

This time, her body finally moved, a shudder going up her spine as she took in a breath. Her eyes darted over to her parents, knowing how strange this must look to them, but they weren't watching her anyway, meaning the moment was kept firmly in her own personal bubble. It was so odd; normally, someone would've seen her acting off, or laughed and made muttering comments about it.

But nothing was happening, and she didn't know whether to question it or not.

Marinette glanced back at her phone, almost challenging herself as she started to run through the assorted Adrien pictures. She could've thrown them in the metaphorical bin all at once, but instead, she went one-by-one. She waited for something to break, either a sense of regret to settle in over the deletion or for her heart to start fawning over the face on screen, but neither happened.

She was in control, and it felt good. Really, really good.

Part of her felt like she was being ridiculous. The idea of getting some kind of emotional high out of deleting a few pictures sounded stupid, and yet she felt powerful. It was like a veil had been lifted and suddenly she had choices.

If her parents saw her visibly vibrating in her seat, she didn't hear them make mention of it.

The only thing that made her snap out of her rapid thumb movements was a text notification at the top of her screen, and only due to the flash of black, blue, and white. Her lips curved into a smile, originally being pressed together in focus, and she clicked to open her text messages with Luka.

Hey, Marinette. I'm not busy at all. What's up?

She felt warm, knowing that the guy who always made her feel comfortable and happy was on the other line. it was such a shame that they hadn't been able to work it out because of Adrien.

Marinette paused just as she went to reply, those thoughts catching up to her as she remembered that day with Luka underneath the bridge. She'd been so sure that she'd had to break up with him because of Adrien, but as she purposefully tried to recall the memory, something registered like a mental fog clearing in her mind.

Hadn't it actually been her responsibilities as Ladybug that had done it? In fact, that added up alongside all of the other memories of his akumatization; she hadn't been ditching him during their dates out of discomfort or her crush on Adrien, but because of akuma and sentimonsters.

How could she have forgotten? Or rather, how could she have remembered otherwise?

Marinette just barely managed to snap herself out of her trance, her phone having dimmed from inactivity and the sight of her furrowed brows and worried frown staring back at her from the blackened screen. She blinked rapidly, then shook her head to clear herself of the unnerving thoughts.

Lighting her phone back up, she hurriedly typed back as she realized she'd left Luka on read, trying to ignore the way her thumbs shook.

Nothing much.

She hesitated, already seeing him typing back. Guilt burrowed around in her stomach, knowing very well that it was not "nothing" but being unable to properly convey what was going on to him when she didn't even understand it herself.

She typed again, his own typing ceasing to let her add to her comment.

Actually, I've been thinking a bit lately. I'm going to be in London for a while and I'm on the train ride there right now. It's given me some time to myself and it's... weird.

I'm sorry, I know that doesn't make sense.

Even though he hadn't replied, she knew he was taking her seriously as he was typing back.

It makes sense. Background music doesn't work for everyone.

Marinette realized that her shoulders had been tense when they relaxed at his message. She pressed her lips together, feeling vaguely like she didn't deserve him and pushing down the thoughts just as quickly. He'd never approve of that kind of talk.

My head's just been a bit of a mess. Or... not a mess? Things were really foggy but I didn't realize that they were? It's like I'm thinking clearer but I don't know if I like everything that came with that.

What was the phrase? Ignorance is bliss? She had no idea where these changes were coming from, but something had indeed changed and she didn't know the significance of it. She was indeed happy that she felt so in control now over her thoughts on Adrien, but why now? What caused it, and what about her memories?

Would it go away?

Marinette shuddered at the idea, but tried to focus on her conversation with Luka. Having a crisis wasn't going to do her any good, and he was there with her, even if only through text.

I can't know what you're going through, but I think I get it.

-

You do?

-

Yeah. Do you remember my birthday, when everyone heard about my dad being Jagged Stone?

He already continued typing, so she just nodded even if he couldn't see it. She'd only been with Juleka when the reveal had happened, but she imagined it'd been just as much of a shock for her as it'd been for them. She couldn't even imagine when Luka could've learned about it.

Wait--no, she'd already known, actually, hadn't she? He'd been akumatized and had gone after Jagged, and she'd been there when he forced Jagged to tell him the truth about being his father.

Marinette winced at the filling of a gap in her memory that she hadn't realized had been there. Once again, she'd remembered something that she couldn't fathom having forgotten or misremembered, even with how spotty her memory could be under normal circumstances.

She turned towards the back of her seat and the window, trying to isolate herself so it felt like just her, her phone, and Luka. She desperately needed his texts as a distraction.

I'd wanted to know who my dad was for so long, but learning that it was my favorite musician all this time was a lot. I had to redo all the notes I’ve ever written about him, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it for a while.

He kept typing after that, and she merely stroked the side of the phone with her thumb as some form of support, even knowing that he couldn't know about it.

But I'm glad I knew in the end. He's doing his best to make up for all the lost time, and I don't have to go on never knowing what that song would've sounded like.

Their situations weren't exactly the same, but it was enough to reach her deep down. Whatever her situation was, if it really did mean something, she'd rather know it was there than go on never knowing. She hated the idea of being left in the dark, just as she hated being lied to.

As she took a calming breath, she found it in herself to type back.

I'm glad you know too. You deserve people who make you happy, Luka.

-

Thank you, Marinette. You do too, and I hope that whatever you're going through goes at least as well as it did for me.

-

Thanks.

She bit her lower lip at her reply, which felt clipped in tone even though she hadn't meant it that way. She just had too much on her mind and it was hard to think about what emotion was coming across when she was typing to him.

She tapped away at the on-screen keyboard, hopefully before he could think anything in particular about it.

Sorry.

Though she wanted to explain further, she wavered, her legs bending as she curled further in on herself. The conversation had already been so deep and she didn't want to make it worse.

But just as she debated on dismissing her feelings and insisting that he not worry about her, the memories that had been cleared up from before came back to her, reminding her of a warm hug on top of a bridge.

"When you're ready, I'll be here, Marinette."

She inhaled shakily, but steadied herself immediately afterwards, letting the warmth of the words calm her. Luka was there for her and she trusted him.

She was ready.

...I'm scared, Luka. I thought I had my clarity, but I don't. Something's wrong.

Then, almost on cue, the train screeched to a halt, jostling her out of her seat as the lights went off. The simultaneous sound of phones ringing followed soon after.

—————

Marinette held her breath, crouched down in the restroom while she listened closely for the sound of her parents' footsteps. Her throat let out a whine, but she managed to keep it silent enough to where she was sure that no one on the other side of the door would hear it. She'd have to leave eventually or risk being cornered, courtesy of the power being off and the restroom's lock being electronic, but she felt safe enough to pull out her phone.

She also set it on vibrate just in case.

There was a reasonable concern at first that Luka's texts would indicate that he'd fallen victim to the akuma, but what she found when she checked their conversation reassured her.

Marinette!

Is everything okay?

Did the akuma's power reach you? Did they call you too?

Marinette?

The panic in simple letters on a screen made her feel noticed and loved. Keeping enough of her focus on potential footsteps approaching outside the door, she typed out a reply:

Sorry. I had to run from my parents.

I'm okay. What about you?

-

You're alright. I'm so glad.

I'm okay too. I hid somewhere and I doubt anyone can find me.

-

That's good. Be careful.

-

You too.

She took another breath, certain she'd be captured soon if the akuma wasn't taken care of. The train was limited and there weren't many places to go, so unless she could find a blunt object to smash her parents' phones, she was at a loss.

Regardless, Luka was there, her phone vibrating as he added onto his previous text:

I know this isn't the time, and I hate that the akuma cut into the song we were writing, but I'm here for you, Marinette. Whatever's going on, I'll help you figure it out as long as you want me with you.

Her heart fluttered pleasantly, a pink blush even tinting her cheeks. She welcomed it, unlike the fear that'd come with the changed memories. Feeling the way she did for Luka was too natural to be afraid in any way.

Thank you, so much. You're the only one I could trust with something like this.

She meant it. She'd trusted Alya with her identity in a moment of weakness, and even passed the ladybug earrings to her, yet that somehow paled in comparison to the emotions she was choosing to share. Luka would take her seriously, she was sure, even if she came up with the craziest theory in the world for why her feelings and memories were the way they were. He wouldn't doubt her, or laugh, or dismiss her as "Marinette being Marinette."

And as she sat there, completely without a miraculous or any way to get back to Paris without help, she reached up with her free hand and tugged at her earlobe, processing what she could with the information she had as one such theory started to form in her head. The fear from before never quite went away, but the idea of figuring things out with Luka brought her a sense of comfort.

Though perhaps, when she got back to Paris, she would take back her miraculous with a sense of hesitance that she hadn't had before, and there would be some testing that followed after the fact, because there were two things she refused to give up from her experience on the train.

Her sense of freedom and choice, and the feelings for Luka that she can't believe she ever questioned.

Or, if her working theory was correct, that her miraculous had her question.

[messers-moony]

Wish | F.H

Paring: Five Hargreeves X Wife!Reader

Summary: Five storms out to time travel after an argument with his wife and comes back to an unexpected surprise.

A/N: Five time travels at the age of 26 instead of 13

He was angry, that wasn’t mistaken, “ You aren’t listening to me! “

“ Are you hearing yourself?! What you’re about to do is dangerous! “ She yelled in response, and he scoffed.

They stood in the main room of their apartment. Y/n was placed in the kitchen leaning on the island while Five was dangerously close to the door. Both of them at the age of twenty-five. They had gotten married only a year before finding each other during one of his trips to Griddy’s with his siblings. He thought she was the prettiest thing he had ever seen.

Five stalked closer to her, “ You are so stubborn. “

“ I am the strongest one. “ His voice was dangerously low as they stood only a foot apart, “ I will do this. I don’t care what you say. Nothing will change that. “

“ Five, please. “ Y/n begged, “ I’m- I’m just worried about you. “

“ You don’t need to be. “ Five snapped, and he fast-walked to the door.

The male swung open the door, “ Five wait, please- “ But before she could finish, the door slammed, “ I’m pregnant. “

It was new news. She didn’t find out until a week earlier. She didn’t know when to tell him; there never was a suitable time. Now he had just threatened to fulfill a lifetime goal of his– time travel. Since he was a boy, he’s wanted to prove his worth. The only way Five could think to do that is by time-traveling into the future. He didn’t know what the future would entail. He definitely didn’t plan to get stuck in an apocalypse.

So for nine torturous months, Y/n endured a pregnancy. She was carrying a child of her presumed to be dead husband, which she didn’t believe in the slightest. Five Hargreeves was alive, and she knew that regardless of what anyone told her. She had a baby boy who she named Malachi. The same bright, alluring green as his fathers.

Despite his birth father not being around, Diego was a significant help. Diego stepped in where Five couldn’t. He was there for all of Malachi’s firsts and everything in between. But he was always Uncle Diego. A constant reminder that this man wasn’t his father. As far as the little boy knew, he didn’t have a father.

Things got more tricky as he got older. Malachi realized that a father figure was more common than not, which brought raising questions. She answered to the best of her abilities, but nothing was ever valid. None of her answers could be a hundred percent true because she didn’t know either. It was killing her to see her son this way.

He longed for a father. Wanted nothing more for a father-son relationship. Every birthday, every Christmas, he wished for his father to come home. It was killing Y/n because she understood his pain. The amount of dread, guilt, and sadness.

Maybe if she had told Five sooner, he would’ve never left. The guilt ate away at her. It was like an insect slowly crawling its way under her skin into her bones and nibbling them until they were gone. It didn’t help Malachi was an exact replica of his father. The dark, almost raven hair parted to the side, the glittering green eyes and a defined face.

No matter how long Five was gone, Y/n never took off her rings. She was a married woman until proven otherwise. Malachi had never even seen photos of his father. That was normal to him. All he knew was that his Uncles and Aunts told him he looked the exact same. Despite the same appearances, they had clashing personalities.

Malachi was the sweetest guy you could ever meet. Kind no matter who the person was. Wise beyond his years and intelligent like no other. His strong suit was English while he struggled in math. The irony was amusing. His father excelled in math, but he couldn’t do a two-step equation if he tried.

In the grand scheme of things, this didn’t matter. He got all the way up to high school. He was seventeen, to be exact, in his junior year of school. It was the summer before his senior year, and he couldn’t be more excited. As the years went on, the hope of meeting his father diminished to the point where he didn’t even think about it anymore.

He had his mom, and that’s all that mattered. His mom was his rock, his number one supporter, and his best friend. Malachi loved his mom more than anything and would give anything to keep her safe. Diego had grown to be like a father to him, but it was never the same. Malachi was sitting at the island doing homework while Y/n was cooking.

“ Hey, mom? “ He called, “ Yeah? “ Y/n turned to look at her son.

Malachi fidgeted with the pencil in his hand, “ Can I- Can I see your rings? “

“ My rings? Why? “ She asked, “ Well, dad gave them to you, didn’t he? “ Malachi replied.

Y/n nodded, “ Of course he did. We were married, technically we still are married. “

“ I just wanted to see what dad gave you. “ He murmured.

Hesitantly Y/n twisted both her engagement ring and her wedding ring off her left ring finger. She set them down on the granite island before her son so he could look at them. Gently he picked the engagement ring up and looked at it. It was the only time he’s ever seen the ring this close. She never took them off.

“ We got engaged in the snow. “ Y/n informed quietly, “ I really wasn’t expecting it. He never seemed like one to settle down. “

Malachi listened intently, “ Regardless. It was almost Christmas, and he took me to go Christmas shopping at one of the malls which was outside. “ She chuckled, “ Why he did that, I don’t know, but it was amusing. We got hot chocolate despite his love for coffee, and I made him wear a Santa hat. “

“ He was never into festivities before meeting me. Neither were your Aunts and Uncles. I started making holidays become more festive when you were born. Eventually, they got the hang of it. “ Y/n continued, “ Why was dad's name a number? “ He interjected.

“ He never got a name like the rest of his siblings. “ She answered plainly, “ Why? “

Y/n sighed, “ His father, more specifically your grandfather was a cruel man. Still is a very cruel man, which is why you’ve never met him. Reginald made the Umbrella Academy, where he adopted your dad along with his other siblings. “ She explained, “ They endured long days of training without breaks and horrid living environments. They were treated as experiments rather than children. “

“ They all got names, but Five didn’t want one. He rejected it because it didn’t matter. Name or anything. Their numbers would always define them, and Five was the only one who understood that. “ She finished.

“ What really happened to him? I know you’ve given me vague explanations, but I think I’m ready for the real thing. “ Malachi stated, “ I’m seventeen now. “

“ I know. Your father had powers. His others siblings do as well. They all do certain things. Five could travel through space and time. “ Y/n began, “ Growing up, he always felt the need to prove himself, to be better than everyone else. “

“ So, one day, he told me he was going to time travel. It was a big argument that definitely didn’t need to happen. At the time, I was a week pregnant with you, and I didn’t know how to tell him. “ She swallowed the emotions arising after remembering Five’s glare,

“ When I told him, it was too late. He was already out the door and gone. “

Y/n walked forward and took the rings back. She placed them back on her ring finger carefully as her son watched every movement. He knew she was upset. Malachi couldn’t help but be a bit resentful towards his father. All this to make a point? It seemed far-fetched.

“ That solution seems a bit absurd. “ Malachi commented, “ That's what I was trying to tell him, but he was very prideful and stubborn. “ Y/n replied.

A knock echoed through the apartment. The room felt tense. It wasn’t right; something felt off. Malachi felt it immediately cause he stood up and began walking to the door, wanting to protect his mother if a threat was there. Secretly Diego may have given him some defense classes, but that didn’t matter.

The boy opened the door to see almost the exact same face staring back at him, “ Who are you? “ Malachi snapped.

“ More importantly, who are you? “ The man retorted.

Every hair on Y/n’s body stood up. She knew that voice, and she knew that tone. It was him. He was back. It took everything inside her not to scream or cry but seeing Malachi hold his defensive stance against his own father was worrying her.

“ Malachi. “ She called, and he turned to her as she began to walk to the door, “ I need you to go to your room and promise not to eavesdrop. “

He wanted to protest, “ Please, sweet. I’ll be okay. I promise. “

Reluctantly Malachi backed away from the door giving the man a harsh glare that made the man evidently tense. Y/n waited for Malachi to be fully retreated in his bedroom before looking at the man in front of her.

“ Well. It looks like you’ve moved on. “ Five murmured, “ No- please. It isn’t what it looked like. “ She pleaded.

Her hand took his, and he recognized the rings on her finger. The same rings Malachi had just been examining. The same rings he took months to search for to find the perfect fit for his perfect girl. Everything seemed so colorful in his greyscale world now. His wife was still his.

“ Who- Who is he? “ His voice trembled as his lingering suspicion felt more accurate than ever, “ Come in and sit. We need to talk. “ Her voice was gentle and held no malice.

Five entered the now unrecognizable apartment. It wasn’t the same as when he left. In fact, everything seemed moved out of place. Y/n walked to the stove and turned off the burner that she was using. Five had peered at the papers on the island that were math worksheets and took a seat beside them.

“ Where did you go? “ She asked, “ The future. “

“ No shit. What did it look like? “ Y/n retorted playfully, “ It’s not as I hoped. It’s an apocalypse, love. “ His voice held so much pent emotion it was almost radiating off him.

She sighed, “ Okay. We need to talk about that- “

“ I- I want to know who that kid is. “ Five interrupted, and she gave him a knowing look, “ Malachi, can you come out here. “ Y/n called, and instantly he was out of his room.

The boy stood beside his mom, still not comfortable with the unfamiliar man. This time Five got a chance to really look at the teenage boy in front of him. The defined face, the almost raven hair, the same sage green eyes. His posture was protective and territorial, obviously for his mom.

“ Y/n… “ Five began as he swallowed the tears in his throat, “ Is- Is he mine? “

She nodded, “ Five Hargreeves, I’d like you to meet your son, Malachi Hargreeves. Malachi, I’d like you to meet your father, Five. “

[husbandohunter]

Boys over flowers [Genshin Impact/Various x Reader] Part 2

Not everything had to be about fighting. Ahem Childe.

Genre: fluff, angst(?)

Characters: Zhongli, Childe, Albedo, Xiao

{Zhongli}

Out of all the bountiful possessions in the land he carved with his very own hands, the glaze lily had always been his favourite.

This flower was a nostalgia stained with time. As much as he loved them, the love he felt was more of a bittersweet sadness if anything. The loss of a friend, his mentor, someone he cherished so deeply, all of it was held into a single glaze lily.

Once as Morax, now as ordinary Zhongli, in those 6000 years he had seen it all. Even his grief for Guizhong faded into a memory.

Sometimes Zhongli felt like he was reading from a story book. Detatched while staring through an omniscient standpoint. It seems that his infinite years brought both experience and lonliness along the way.

"Zhongli? What are you staring at?"

But not when he was with you.

The glaze lily went on many journeys when he met you

He remembers the first encounter on a sunset night just as the petals  were about to bloom. You were there, crouched down, staring into his golden eyes.

“This is for you! Not many can be fully matured like this so make sure to take good care of it,” You held it out to him and he takes the stem out of your hold.

“A parting gift, I appreciate your thoughtfulness,” Zhongli sees it as a sign of a new contract, “It seems you possess a good eye when you were selecting them.”

He remembers the bouquet you presented during his birthday, the garland you placed on his head when he was reading, the vase by his desk always filled to the brim whenever you’d pay a visit to his parlour.

He remembers how the blue petals scattered across the floor the day you two married, everywhere he went so did this flower. Everytime he saw this flower, he thought of you.

Was it okay to feel like this? No one can ever replace Guizhong, was it okay to love again even when this being was much more perishable than she was? Zhongli was use to the experience of tragedy and loss as it was part of life.

Ah, so this must be what it feels like to live like a mortal.

To cherish every passing moment knowing that it won’t last forever. He will embrace it to the end. 

Old memories that were once dust rose from the soil, now reborn into a new beginning. Your curious gaze leans closer to his profile, sitting side-by-side under the blankets of your shared bed, the corners of his lips lift into a small smile.

“I’m only reminiscing, my dear. You don’t need to worry for me.” He kisses your forehead and tucked you to bed. The candle now blown out as his arms wrapped around your waist while spooning from behind.

Zhongli closed his eyes, knowing if he dreamt of a garden full of glaze lilies, there will be no sadness behind it.

{Childe}

Mother fucker would try to turn this into a sparring session.

This is why you NEVER invite Childe. If the valley were the air nomads, Childe was the fire nation. He’d stomp his muddy shoes in front of you just to get your attention simply because he knows it will piss you off.

An angry s/o means a potential fight. Win win situation.

Thus, no one blamed you for giving him a cold shoulder after that.

“Aha, looks like I went a little too far, didn’t I? Alright alright, I’ll stop trampling on your flowers from now on, you have my word. So talk to me, okay? Please?”

Alas you spare him a glance, “Make that a pinky promise.”

He didn’t know you were so serious about gardening. The Feiyun commerce guild took greate pride in cultivating the finest silk flowers in all of Teyvat and you being from that guild held up that legacy. Even if Childe tries to buy back the ones he stepped on, nothing could match the quality of your work.

Needless to say, your little hobby became a normal thing, Childe was very chaotic in nature so something more calm was nice to mediate that attitude. You taught him how to water plants, place the fertilizer and knowing which ones to pick.

But let’s be real, florist Childe isn’t that far-fetched because he is 10/10 waifu material.

Then Teucer comes in and tags along. He wanted to take some silk flowers back to Tonia until Childe informed him they’ll wilt on their way to Snezhnaya. 

“Aww, that’s too bad,” he would say while pouting, “Then I’ll give them to you big sister (Y/n)!”

“How sweet, you’ll be quite the charmer when you’re all grown up, Teucer. Maybe even better than your big brother.”

“Come on now, babe. You know that’s impossible.”

You twirled the silk flower right under your nose, the playful tone never leaving your voice, “Oh really? You and Teucer both share the same genes so yes, it is a possibility.”

An amusing glint dances in the ocean of his gaze as he gleefully remarks, “Well if you put it that way, I think Teucer would be at a very big disadvantage.”

“What do you-”

Before you could finish, Childe covers Teucer’s eyes and leans over to steal a sinful kiss, sliding his tongue inside. He purposely brushed his lips over yours after parting, completely satisfied by your flustered expression.

I love this bastard

{Xiao}

Hip hip hooray for having both Qiqi and Xiao in your party. Must be fun collecting their ascension materials.

“Adeptus Xiao!”

Your dumbass fell off the high cliff while obtaining the violet grass, Xiao yeets in from nowhere and caught you from death’s clutches.

Shall I mention that this had happened TWICE already?

Xiao carries you to safety and gently settles you down to your feet. He shot you the sharpest and most deadpan look he could muster because actions speak louder that words, he was trying to make a point.

You gave him a weary smile as the violetgrass batch limps in your hands along with the qingxins.

“I can hardly fathom how utterly stupid and moronic you can actually be. What did you think would happen when you tried to pull off that stunt? That you’d suddenly grow wings and be able to fly?”

His harsh words put you back into your place like a scolded child, “I’m sorry...I just wanted to help...”

Mah man does not watch what he says and always end up guilty. Your kicked puppy look is really going to be the death of him. He means well, just harsh when it comes to your well-being.

“Fine, give me those. I’ll take care of it.” He wouldn’t allow you to retort, he just took them from your hands and left without a word.

Let’s just say that Xiao isn’t the best when it comes to handling flowers as he would handle monesters, his touch isn’t the most delicate either and would prefer to get the job done fast. 

Sometimes he’d pull the roots our along with it, dirt and mud dripping from the bottom of the stem. Or the opposite. He pulls too hard and the stem just SNAPS and you’re left with just the blossom. 

“Does it matter? They’re only ingredients as you’ve said.”

That gave you a perfect excuse to teach him the ways of gardening and just be more delicate overall. 

At first he didn’t understand why humans were so meticulous about these things but when he saw a man present a bouquet to his wife, Xiao began to reconsider his methods. He doesn’t undersand mortal traditions as much and sticks to something simple and classy.

Don’t be surprised when you find a bunch on your desk for your birthday <3

{Albedo}

The sheer cold of dragon spine could naturally kill any botanical organisms aside from mints. The only flowers Albedo usually sees are the ones he artificially makes.

But being the genius he was, Albedo knew every variety of flowers to exist in the book. In this case, HE was the expert.

To him, the flower was the symbol of life. Albedo only knew the scientific facts of plant life and their natural functions, you on the otherhand were more familiar with the flower languages in a deeper meaning.

Today was a rare day where Albedo figured he’d step out of that freezing lab and conduct his research somewhere warmer, specifically Windrise where it’s quiet and away from the city.

“Dandelions may not be flowers but thei’re the main specialty of Mondstadt carrying the meaning of ‘freedom’! That’s probably how the Acting Grandmaster got her title.”

“Freedom...” He ponders, “I guess you cold say that.”

Albedo can’t understand why people would choose to associate meaning with plants. Where do their ideas come from? And why? Frankly, he can’t see the point in any of it. 

But at the same time, it made him happy to see you so enthusiastic about his research even if it wasn’t quite near the target. Albedo had always been so engrossed in his work and you’d just silently keep him company of the side, not many times where you both fot to nerd out on the same topic.

Emotions were still a mystery to him. It seems that even upon the most boring subjects, they don’t seem boring anymore when talking to his significant other. Soon enough, Albedo found himself putting his research aside and just listening to you talk. 

“And the Rose expresses romance and love. It’s common for lovers to give it to another during Valentines day.”

He hums cheekily, “Are you telling me that just to hint me to give one to you?”

“W-Well, I didn’t say that.”

He got nothing done. Perhaps his research can wait for another day, right now, he was more curious on what other meanings can a flower hold.

[anashins]

No Talking in the Library || Taeyong

"Losing my virginity? Better say taking someone’s virginity. Triple check."

There are still so many things you want to do in your last semester before graduation, and Taeyong is willing to help you.

_______

Skinny dipping

Partying all night long

Drinking hard shots

Dancing on a bar counter

Playing spin the bottle

Getting completely drunk

Attend an illegal rave

Kiss s/o I just met

Ditch classes

You inhaled deeply and tucked the sheet back into your dress’s pocket and out of your sight, your thoughts revolving around the last point you’ve written again.

Losing my virginity

You were already a few months into your last year of university and yet you still felt like you hadn’t experienced everything a normal college kid should have once done in their young lives.

That you hadn’t really lived so far.

Looking at your friends, they had left you behind a long time ago in the first semester already when it came down to checking off bucket lists. It wasn’t like you were too shy or stayed away from parties and boys, though. The opportunity just had never arisen, and only now you realized that it probably never would if you wouldn’t take fate into your own hands.

You were sick and tired of waiting for the perfect moment and the perfect guy.

Looking at your watch, you realized it was nearly time for your next class and that you slowly had to get going.

Passing by different bookshelves, you were pondering whether to still search for lecture here in the library to read through the weekend in preparation for the project you had to work on the next week, but you quickly resisted the urge to do so as you had already collected enough and headed straight to the door.

“Watch out!” you still heard before the next thing you felt was pain crippling your face.

Only the break of a second was needed before numbness turned into pain and shot through your nerves that even reached the tips of your fingers with the root of the ache being your nose.

“Oh my god!” you squealed and brought your hands to the middle of your face while tears welled up behind your squinted eyes.

“I’m so sorry!” a male voice said, full with panic.

When you dared to open your lids, you looked into the eyes of the guy who had banged the entry door right into her face.

“You nearly killed me!”

“I’m so sorry, y/n!”

When he mentioned your name, you turned keen-eared. Blinking through your tears, you slowly started to get a sharper view of the boy in front of you as well. Just slightly taller than you, dark hair, and an expression as shocked as yours.

You just didn’t know his name anymore.

“Does it hurt that bad? Shall we go to the ward to get a cooling pad or something?”

You shook your head and slowly brought your hands down again. The guy had a hard time biting down the smile that threatened to slip off his lips. With care, he touched your arm in a comforting gesture to reassure you.

“I’m sorry, but you totally look like Rudolph the reindeer now.”

You sniffed. “Yes, thanks to you!”

“Okay, that’s true,” he admitted and retreated his hand. “How about I make it up to you, hm?”

“Uh…” You stared at him, yet you still weren’t able to classify his familiar face.

“Hey!” You suddenly got interrupted by the library’s supervisor, a middle-aged woman who was always wearing a frown and owned the hearing of a bat. “No talking in the library! Go inside or leave, but this door has to be closed, understand?”

You nodded, and the guy made a move to pass by the librarian, but not without whispering to you “Come here!” before you disappeared into the library again, the door closing shut behind you.

Having you by his arm, he dragged you along the rows of bookshelves until he found a quiet corner in the very far back of the library. All the while when you were looking at his back, you tried to remember where you knew him from.

And then it suddenly came into your mind.

When you opened the group convo with your friends, his face would appear right next to the unsaved contact that your friend Johnny had added two days prior.

It was Lee Taeyong.

Johnny, Ten, and Jaehyun’s new roommate who you had also met once before at Johnny’s birthday party last week.

“Hey, at least your nose is not red anymore, huh?” he laughed when he came to a hold.

“Banging a door into my face again, Taeyong?” you asked back. “I have to admit, this is kind of a weird way to hit on a girl.”

“You know my name! Admittedly, even just now I wasn’t so sure whether you remembered.”

“That was true, but once the pain vanished and I looked at your back, that scene seemed very familiar to me.”

He grinned. “Johnny’s birthday party, yes, I banged a door into your face back then as well. I’m sorry, I am actually a gentleman, I just didn’t have a chance to prove it yet. I hope this isn’t becoming our thing now.“

“You mean… you banging doors into my face? I hope not, because you actually seem like a nice guy, and otherwise I have to do a runner right now. I’d like to live a few years more.”

“My roommates wouldn’t like the thought that I scared their friend away, so let’s keep this a secret, alright?”

He winked and you laughed. You liked his humor very much and were wondering why you two hadn’t talked before at Johnny’s party.

„Oh, what’s this?“

Taeyong lifted his hand and picked up something white from the floor. He inspected his finding and then frowned. The next moment, he presented something to you that hadn’t been supposed to get seen by anyone else aside from you. The sheet. Apparently it had fallen out of your pocket while hurriedly walking!

You blushed up to her ears and snatched it out of his hand. “Don’t read this!”

He shrugged. “Well… it was quite hard not to miss the significant writing while picking it up, so…”

“Ugh…” You rolled your eyes into oblivion and wished for a hole to appear right under you to vanish in there right now.

You felt your ears burning and a hot flush running down your back as you remembered the last point you had written down. A stranger knowing about your virgin life! Embarrassing!!

“Do you… actually mean this?”

“Mean what?” you questioned with a shaky voice.

You hadn’t heard the slightest tone of mockery in his voice, you then noticed, and when you dared to look at him again, his gaze was even radiating curiosity, far from scorn.

“The points on this list.”

“Please don’t make fun of me!” you defended yourself. “You don’t know me or why I did this in the first place, so…”

You wanted to quickly pass by him and escape from the scenery, but he grabbed you by your arm and made you stop.

“What I know,” he then spoke, “is that you’re a kind and funny girl, apparently looking for the full college experience, am I right? I would never make fun of someone for that.”

“Okay… thank you. And I’d prefer if you won’t tell anyone about that.”

“That’s a given.”

“So… having checked off anything yet?“

You shook her head, suddenly feeling a weird knot in your stomach. “I just made this today. But now that someone knows about it, it’s probably ridiculous.”

“I don’t think that it’s ridiculous. You just want some fun, what’s so wrong about that?”

You hadn’t looked at this from another point of view, but now Taeyong was giving you his perspective. And he sounded so nonchalant and positive about it that you suddenly didn’t feel as exposed and embarrassed as before.

“You know what I think?” he then blurted out.

“What?” Now, you grew curious.

“I think you need someone to guide you through it, and many more experiences. Go hard or go home.” He grinned. “Someone who’s done all that already.”

“And you’re such a person?” you challenged.

“Let me see.”

Taeyong took the sheet from you again and read through the list. “Skinny dipping? Check. Partying all night long? Every weekend. Drinking hard shots? Also every weekend. Dancing on a bar counter? Double check, except for that one time I fell off. Playing spin the bottle? Boring, but check. Getting completely drunk? More checks than I can remember. Attend an illegal rave? Double check. Kiss someone I just met? I’m not counting this one anymore. Ditch classes? At least once a month. Losing my virginity? Better say taking someone’s virginity. Triple check.”

“Okay I understand!” You yanked the paper out of his hand again. “You probably had a few years to experience all this, and I only have the rest of my senior year left.”

“Why the rush?” Taeyong asked.

Reluctantly, you answered, “I’m leaving the country for my PhD.”

He nodded. “I see.”

Folding the sheet in your hands, you tucked it back into your pocket. “But please don’t tell the guys, I haven’t opened up to them about my future plans yet, but I want to tell them personally when the time is right.”

“Of course.” Taeyong paused. “Well, then what’s stopping you from joining a party with me tonight to get started?”

“The fact that I barely know you yet?”

“Hm, of course, you’ve got a point.” Taeyong pursed his lips and seemed to ponder over something. “Why haven’t we really talked before though at Johnny’s birthday party?”

“I really cannot remember what happened after you’ve banged the door into my face.” You chuckled. “I probably went to cry in the bathroom and then we’ve just lost sight of each other, because you haven’t found a weird sheet from me like today.”

“So… Since you only could remember me just now, we can technically say we’ve just met, right?”

“I’d sign that.”

“Great.”

You barely had time to wonder why he was grinning from ear to ear yet again when you felt Taeyong’s lips on yours the next moment.

They were soft and warm, his movements gentle at first, and he tasted so fresh and minty, and a little bit sweet as though he had drunk some fruit juice just before. Very summerly, and very manly.

His sudden kiss had left you speechless as well as motionless in the beginning, but you, now in high spirits, started to take pleasure in this act not long after his first move as you leaned against him and were welcomed with open arms.

Taeyong was a very handsome guy, there was nothing to deny about that fact, and he was a good kisser on top of that.

His hands made your body angle so that he could circle his arms around your waist and pressed you firmly against him. With your hands, you wandered upwards and sunk your fingers into his fluffy hair just in the moment Taeyong made you part your lips to deepen the kiss with his tongue.

Of course you had kissed boys before. Just because you were still a virgin didn’t mean you had never made out with someone.

But you had never made out with someone this good before.

Although you had gotten a door into your face shortly before, you weren’t so sure whether it was truly only the aftereffects of a possible head injury or Taeyong’s uninterrupted, passionate and oh-so-good kissing or both that got you feel so lightheaded and dizzy.

But what you knew was that you were enjoying that kiss very much.

And that you wanted more.

And Taeyong apparently as well as he proved it to you when his hands curved against your buttocks, and he gently shoved you backwards until your back rested against the wall behind you.

With his fingers, he felt the tender and glowing skin under your shirt’s bottom hem, massaging the spot there lightly as your hands simultaneously grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled him so close to you that no sheet would fit in the slit between you two anymore.

Secretly kissing in the library hadn’t been written down on your agenda, but you took whatever you could get to make your last semester a memorable one.

This was so fun to you that you started to think that this bucket list that you had made wasn’t that much of a bad idea after all if every single one of the experiences would leave you that excited as kissing Taeyong.

When you parted, he was still wearing that grin that now seemed more sweet than smug to you, and you joined him.

“Kiss someone you just met? Check.”

“Well, then our meeting here didn’t go to waste after all,” you concluded.

Admittedly, you wanted more. And by the way Taeyong looked at you, still so turned on and dreamy, he didn’t seem to loathe that idea as well.

“How about putting another point up that list?”

“Such as…?” You tilted your head.

“Making out with someone you’ve just met at a party?”

You playfully looked away as though you were in deep thoughts, but to you, the answer was clear the moment he had proposed the idea to you. “I think that’s an experience I shouldn’t miss as well.”

Just as Taeyong let out a relieved laughter and leaned in to you again, you heard a familiar,

“No talking in the library!”

In front of them stood the librarian with the worst timing ever.

“Technically, we weren’t talking,“ Taeyong cleared up cheekily as he withdrew from you, and you nodded in approval.

The librarian though looked confused.

The wink Taeyong shot into your direction was only visible for you, and you blushed faintly as you agreed, “Yeah, we were anything but talking.”

„But I heard you!“ the elderly woman scolded.

“Well, we did something much more fun than talking,” Taeyong explained, but before the librarian could chide more, you laughingly escaped to the outside.

„So about the party…“ he then started as the library’s door closed behind you. „Since we’re technically no strangers anymore…“

You rolled your eyes, but smiled. „Perhaps, I’ll come to the party.“

„And then move on to check off the other points?“ He smirked.

You stuck your tongue out at him, but were really looking forward to tonight.

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

hi can i please request one where levi's s/o is sort of like him in personality but just melts whenever theres a baby. like she'll see a baby in town and will go from silent and moody to the heart eyes emoji but a person, or she'll babysit her neice or nephew or cousin and will be just so loving and bubbly? like its obvious that she wants to be a mum but she never brings it up because she doesnt think he wants kids and eventually they get pregnant + his reaction? sorry if this is too much (1/2)

ΑΝΟΟΟΟΝ IM BLUSHING THANK YOU SO MUCH. I really loved this request and it inspired me so I pushed before others because I had to get it out of my system. I hope you like this. It's super duper long also👉👈

Warnings: uhh pregnancy, mentions of anxiety

Tags: fluff, domestic Levi, pregnancy, modern au

Pairing: Levi/ Reader

Baby Fever

Your heartbeat grew louder with each passing second as Mike abused the door with one too many knocks. You didn't know if you could talk, or breath or do anything other than vomiting though this time from the anxiety building at the pits of your stomach and not due to your very recent event of morning sickness.

"Are you alright in there?"

You choke on your own voice as you try to huff a single response. It's not really up to your judgement of you're alright or not but rather in the small white object's that rests between the thumbs and pointer fingers of each of your hands. You contemplate if there's a way to not raise any more suspicion to the blond male, you're at his house for all that matters. Nanaba called you to take care of their their twins and you happily complied to your half sister's pleas because Mike had a very important job interview. Life had taken a toll on him lately, they couldn't afford a babysitter and he was just recently fired due to his company having to cut down expenses thanks to the pandemic. Amidst this pandemonium he had to find a way to provide for his family and help Nanaba with at least a short monthly salary. So babysitting your beloved niece and nephew wasn't much of a problem. Not until now.

At first it hadn't bothered you that your period was late, you had accepted the pcos lifestyle the hard way ever since you first got it. You would track down your period in hopes you could ever predict when it would come again but it always seemed to surprise you. Sometimes it would come in a months notice only to take four months to do a full circle. At twenty three, this was the most positive outturn as a resolution to your problem. Levi was pushing you to eat healthy and exercise to get a better grip of your situation, even though you knew it was in vain. And thus, overall it didn't bother you that you hadn't had your period still, fatigue and breast inflammation were also common problems due to hormonal abnormalities so you chose not to pay any attention to those early signs either.

What had driven you to urge Levi to drop you off to the drugstore next to Nanaba's house though was that you've been having symptoms of morning sickness for almost a week now, that you had tried to push aside for Levi not to notice. He would quarantine you on your on your own and go stay with Erwin and Hange had he any suspicion of you being down with the stomach flu. The stomach flu though didn't feel like that and you knew, you had been through it one too many times, this was something different and yet you cursed at yourself for overthinking it. You had bought the pregnancy test as something that was supposed to turn out negative, as a positive resolution that you weren't pregnant and that you should quest for whatever it was that was making your stomach turn and twist every morning.

Upon finally opening the door in an attempt not to delay Mike who wanted to attend his interview, the blond male inspected your form with a harsh gaze. "You shouldn't push yourself if you're sick. We could call my mother to watch over Eli and Blaire."

"No." You pushed it off. "I'm fine Mike, it's probably that weird mushroom soup I ate yesterday, Levi insisted on not buying it but I didn't listen."

"I see." Mike said scrunching his nose at the process. Sometimes you hated that he knew you so well that he could even smell you lying, but he was Nanaba's childhood friend before her mother married your father and had you; you had practically grown up with the blond duo so for all you knew, even if he was certainly aware that you were lying he didn't push things further. He simply placed a hand on your shoulder, the brother like nature of his touch as assuring as one can be. "If you need anything call me, I'll answer as soon as possible, drink lots of water and don't wear yourself down."

You bore your eyes into his and nodded simply. Mike greeted the twins with reluctance and let out a sigh before fixing his suit perfectly on his shoulders. The small kids smiled bubbly in return and waved at their father enthusiastically. As soon as the door closed and their father got out of sight both children jumped on you with loud giggles. The act alone was enough to curl your lips into an upward position.

By noon you had fed and lulled the kids to sleep, earning some significant time to sink into the crevices of the feathery soft sofa before Nanaba came back from her shift. As tiring as Eli and Blaire were you enjoyed their teeny company. You didn't mind their lack of ability to form full understandable sentences yet, you loved how they didn't even try to spare a second thought on what they bubbled on about and you did your best to provoke them to speak correctly. They would open their arms for you, their tiny palms signaling you to take them into long affectionate hugs as they called a baby spoken version of your nickname and you would melt at it every single time. Everyone knew you much you loved the chubby cheeked sweethearts, as much as it contrasted with your usual demeanor. There was something that truly made you feel like the best version of yourself when you were around them.

Babies seemed to be a hot topic in your group of friends for a couple of months now, ever since you started helping Nanaba in the house before Mike got fired. Levi seemed very unbothered by the subject in a way that saddened you almost; sure, you might have talked about it in the past, being that he was a little older than you and he might have understood that you longed to be a mother one day, but that was as far as that one conversation had gone. He still had that bored, stoic gaze that slipped off of yours when you would encounter a baby in the street, whereas you would basically make heart eyes and weird grimaces to any infant he would just click his tongue and avert his gaze away, to any other direction as if he disapproved off your fondness.

That memory alone left you hollowing inside as you recalled of the two very much pink lines on the screen of the test this morning. Naturally you would check with a doctor before jumping to conclusions, there still was a chance that the test was at fault and you wanted to bet on simply that. If the case was that you were actually pregnant though things were more complicated than you wanted them to be. For instance you were still in University, for your last year at that, but you had excessive amounts of studying to get your hands on your degree and Levi was cornered and ready to be squished by his job for being a vice president, which was unfair as he worked for Erwin. You understood the situation though as Erwin was struggling to keep the company going especially through these rough rough times. There was also the fact that you were terrified of Levi asking you to put the baby down, with pcos wearing your system down you were panicking that you wouldn't have a chance to conceive a baby later on. What if this was your only chance? You've always longed to be a mother so it didn't matter that it came to you this early right?

The sound of the front door clicking open shook you off your thoughts immediately. For better or for worse it was Nanaba that had finally returned, eager to strip herself of her clothes and face mask and run to the bathroom. She offered you small greeting to which you only nodded, your tired mind ordering your eyes to find comfort at small shapes in the ceiling. You didn't know how long your sister took in the bathroom, but judging by the lack of giggling coming from the babies' room you supposed it wasn't for long.

"You want to wait for Levi to come pick you up or should I give you a ride home when Mike's back? He should be home soon!" She spoke as she poured water in a red metallic boiler.

"I'll just walk. I need some air."

Nanaba emitted a soft hum in response "Are you alright? You seem off."

"Oh no." You brushed her off "I was just thinking about what I should wear at Erwin and Hange's anniversary dinner next week, and what gift to buy Levi now that his birthday is coming."

"Good, I see, just don't stress alright?"

___

The way home was longer than you had initially remembered, whether it was for your inability to walk with a steady pace or mostly because it was already getting dark and cold. You wondered if Levi would be getting home by now as you neared the apartment complex the two of you resided in. By the looks of your illuminated window he was already home as expected of him this certain hour. It probably was one of those days when he didn't have a strict deadline to attend to, which, under normal circumstances, only meant more cuddles and kisses for you. Yet, tonight was different.

"Hey Levs" Your voice lingered in his brain the moment you stepped inside.

"Hey brat, welcome home." The kiss you left on his cheek as you hurriedly headed to the bathroom was different, off almost, and he picked up on it immediately. "Did Nanaba drop you off? I had asked Mike to come by tonight, he said he'd bring some tea leaves he bought for me."

He leaned at the frame of the door as he watched you wash every crevice of your face thoroughly, paying enough attention to the insides of your outer nasal cavity. He was pretty meticulous about hygiene and especially at times like these with a hole pandemic going on he wasn't taking any chances, you knew, plus you were kind of disgusted of germs lately yourself, you thought you finally understood where he was coming from. He took a few steps ahead, away from your body in search of a clean face towel to hand out to you when you were done. You have it to him, even if he seemed cold as stone that domestic lifestyle was mesmerizing to you.

"Thanks baby, you're the best." You half smiled.

"You good?"

At this point you wondered if you seriously we're so easy to read. You supposed you were off, but you were always off and unresponsive to many things so what exactly was it about today that made everyone know you had a conflict in your mind.

"Yeah I'm just tired, I walked here."

Levi clicked his tongue at that "Nanaba's home is very far away from here, have a shower and I'll rub your legs and feet." With eyes that never left yours Levi watched as your face lit up a little more, he gave you a tiny of a smile on return.

"You prooomise Levs?" You knew teasing with him could only lead to one thing, yet you did it shamelessly.

"Tch, of course, hurry up, I'm making pancakes with eggs and bacon."

Normally at the very sound of this particular food your eyes would water and your mouth would drool but the unresponsive nature of your expression only sent a new wave of worry through Levi's chest. As much as he had wanted to convince himself you were just tired, he couldn't, not after this reaction to your favorite snack. He decided not to push you into saying anything you didn't want to though. Maybe it was that enormous amount of notes you had to memorize for your next exams in addition to your fatigue and any hormonal altercations.

"Yeah" you trailed off "babe, about that, can we have cocktail shrimp? And maybe fried rice and fries? Pretty pretty please?"

Ah, there it was. Although it was a rare occasion for you not to be in the mood of his infamous pancakes, you could still have a few different cravings from time to time. Levi let out a sigh of relief as he proceeded your order trying to figure of where he should order from, last night's mushroom soup had messed your stomach up, that he knew, but you seemed to be fine now so in theory that should be enough to prevent him from whining out his concerns.

As he closed the door to the bathroom he hummed his favorite tune to himself, softly enough as not to disturb you with your bath. He picked up his phone from the kitchen table with ease before collapsing on the couch, there was a limit to what his body could take and he had surpassed that by far these past few months. Endless deadlines that took turns one after another and extra hours at the office had been killing him, mentally and physically, making him a little more grumpy than usual. In great addition his back ached, his fingers were sore and his mind felt like canned alphabet soup every single night. Perhaps, seeing him in this state was taking a toll on you as well; you were always so protective over him, almost like a mother to her child, despite being younger, and he if he had to, he'd admit he enjoyed it a little too much than he should have.

When you came out of the bathroom he gazed over you briefly, you were sitting before the end of the dresser, standing in front of the full body mirror, examining your form. He seemed to be puzzled by your demeanor once again. Normally, or up until yesterday, you would have immediately shot out to where he was seated at to plough into his arms with wet hair, only to slightly irritate him for getting him wet, not that he didn't enjoy to smell your fresh scent anyway, but it was a game of routine for you by now. It was almost as if you were seeking to be scolded at for not rushing to dry your hair. He always wanted you as healthy as ever.

You couldn't shake off your head how soft Levi's chest is. There probably wasn't a reason as to why he's sleeping shirtless tonight, your apartment was very warm, given that it was the start of December already, but you didn't complain. The feeling of creamy, milky soft skin, perfectly excused by any coarse hair was slowly putting you to sleep. You loved how Levi was so soft everywhere you touched, it was so unlike what the world perceived of him, maybe your baby's skin was going to be as smooth and perfect as his and not as dry and oily as yours. Of course the baby's skin was going to be soft, ugh and those little arms and legs, you couldn't lie to your self, deep down you were just a tad excited to have a baby, if it meant that it would look like Levi you wouldn't want to give up on it for the world.

"Levi, does Kenny keep baby pictures of you?"

"What?" The onyx haired male raised a brow at your inquiry but didn't give you enough time to repeat yourself before he answered. "My mother had so many pictures of me so I guess that it's natural that he has some and well there probably are a few pictures from after my mother's death, I'm not that sure."

In response, he only earned a hum.

"Tch, can I lay on your chest? I want you to play with my hair." His eyes pleaded with you in the darkness. Of course you could never say no to such thing, you loved it even more when he was the one sleeping on you. Another sentence left his lips, this time with a yawn as he shifted himself on you, cooing like a small child. "I'll call Kenny tomorrow, sleep now I know you need it."

____

Under any other circumstance you would have loved seeing everyone's dumbfounded faces stating at you as if they had seen the dead rise from their graves. You had to pinch your arms to remind yourself this was indeed serious and you shouldn't let out a single chuckle.

"Please tell me you're joking" Nanaba pleaded, placing her hand on yours in disbelief.

"I'm going to screeeeeam! Shorty can't even hold it in, ghaaaa!"

"Hange he will hear you through the restroom."

Hange blinked her eyes rapidly at the sound of that. "You haven't told him?" She immediately seemed to lose her enthusiasm, something you hadn't intended to happen, especially at such a night, but you knew you didn't have a say in other people's emotions.

"Hange he never seemed too fond of the idea, why would I complicated things for him?"

Mike's eyes widened in disbelief. There was no way in hell he was having this. You were practically his little sister, seeing you so tormented as you were in the moment when you spoke those words ravaged his last nerve, causing anger to clench his hands into fists. He watched as you took a small bite of your food giving the rest to Eli who was comfortably sitting on your lap, tapping his little hands on the rim of your plate. Other than the fact you broke out such news to him, Nanaba Hange and Erwin and had expressed your fears on informing your significant other, you seemed quite bubbly. Children really did bring out such a soft side of you, he knew that was for sure.

"Hange" you spoke, unphased as ever "Levi's coming please stop screaming at me, i love you but it's only making me dizzy."

It felt as if a thousand pairs of eyes were burning holes through his whole body, his head, and everywhere around his personal space bubble. Levi could feel his pulse tense just a tad, Hange's unnerving gaze and her crippling smile were fixated especially on him, making his nose itchy. There was something very different in the atmosphere around him; Nanaba wasn't eating anymore, she was more fixated on her daughter than anyone else, Erwin was nervously staring between him and you and you and Mike were trying to clean Eli's hands from the food he had just touched. When the scenery wasn't something irregular, none of you dared look eachother in the eyes, beat it that Hange was staring only at him.

"Oi, what the fuck is wrong-"

"Levi, shorty! Does Eli look like he's enjoying himself in (y/n)'s arms?" Hange turned her sweetened gaze on you, making you choke on your words, you shot her an atrociously strict glare. "Remember when Nanaba gave birth? What do you think about babies? Maybe you think they smell a lot? But what about ackerbabies?"

"Way to be discreet Han, thank you!" Your lips puckered in anger as you brought your arms to cross under your chest.

"Wait what's going on shitty glasses?"

"Yada Yada shorty, you're not getting a word from me, my lips are sealed" Hange spoke and shut her eyes to emphasize the significance of her words.

You sighed in a pathetic attempt to relieve some tention of your chest. A tight knot had formed due to anxiety, fog had clouded over your brain and you were feeling so faint and exhausted that you just wanted to get it over with. You didn't mind standing there like a fish out of water after breaking the news to him, the tention in the air was in fact what was making you suffocate in your seat. With wobbly hands you pushed Eli off your lap, not caring about the moan of disagreement he made and you shot up from your seat, announcing you had to take some fresh air. Levi had to stop Nanaba mid tracks to be able to come after you, fast enough to be there when you got out.

Naturally, you stood seated at a bench that neared the restaurant. Your hands were covering your face scratching softly through your hair, probably in attempts to calm your self down. He approached you without any second thought, this time determined to know what was it with you. Your behavior these past week had been unnerving and overly concerning to say the least. Carefully he sat himself down next to you, his right arm come around your frame comfortingly while the left one came to caress underneath your cheek.

"You should probably talk to me."

Your voice came muffled from between your palms as you still hadn't dared to look him in the eye. "Levi, I'm, I'm so sorry it's just... I'm very anxious."

"I think I figured that, brat." His voice was so soothing, it felt as if he was speaking to you in the comfort of your private room, not on a bench outside a semi fancy restaurant

"You know when Hange talked about ackerbabies she uhm, she might have had a particular baby in mind."

Levi blinked erratically for a single second before his mouth, unable to compel to his brain's orders, formed the shape of an oh. Of course, in the moment it was hard to click with any other even but he attributed that to his lack of knowledge over the situation. Had he any clue or suspicion that you could be pregnant he would have been able to realise that it wasn't that your stress had been messing with your stomach every morning and that your extreme fatigue couldn't possible align with the erratically swift rhythm of your palms. Of course, of course it wasn't a thermometer that you had disposed of in the toilet, he wanted to slap himself for being so naive as to believe that. He was strict with recycling rules, you wouldn't have just straight up there s thermometer in the trash. Fuck now's not the time to think about recycling.

With the soft, chaste kiss at the top of your hair you finally decided to turn your gaze to him. Watery eyes met with an adoring grey gaze, a gaze you've never seen at this extreme before. "I love you, you know." Another kiss meant your head got to lift a little more, just to get closer to him. "I don't say it often but you don't have to worry, I'll try to tell our kid more often."

Your eyes shimmered with adoration at his words, despite the cold weather you couldn't bring yourself to feel not even a little tingle, Levi was keeping you so warm with his words. "Really? You want this?"

"Tch why wouldn't I, you thought I'd ever let you go and leave me lonely? I've always thought you knew we're sharing the same future."

Your lips attacked his in fiery passion. It was a natural reaction to his words, an ice melting kiss, a promise for the future. There were many reasons as to why you lived Levi but maybe the fact that you would have a little stoic faced baby running around your feet made you love him a little bit more.

[sagemusesoutloud]

Anti-Romantic, Part 1

(credit to the original owner of the image)

Character | Jaehyun x reader Genre | nonidol!au, Mutual Pining, Slowburn, Fluff WordCount | 3.6 K Author'sNote | lmaoooo the fact that I intended this to be a oneshot type of thing oops. Wellllll, I tried. Most likely to be a two part series, but we'll see.

This is part of a series I intend to call "If Songs were Fics" and this particular one was loosely inspired by TXT's Anti-Romantic bc I'm obsessed. I hope you enjoy reading as much I enjoyed writing it!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

I don't know who loves me

And I don't care, It's a waste anyways

A romantic feeling, Kinda scares me

“Any plans for you birthday next week?”

Jaehyun shakes his head at you, “no, not yet, don’t you have that date with that barista?”

“I’m not sure, he’s been acting weird over text lately. Might not be worth it,” you shrug your shoulders. “Besides, it’s your birthday! You only get one of those a year, we should plan something.”

You were on your way to the gym, a ritual you and Jaehyun had ever since you both found out you worked for the same company. You had been childhood friends, but ended up losing touch since you went to separate universities.

It was a nice surprise to see a friendly face on the first day of orientation and throughout the duration of your training for the next six weeks. Although you were both from different departments, you enjoyed taking your lunch breaks together and sharing small gossip about your old class-mates.

“ugh, don’t remind me,” he let’s out a long sigh, “every year, it seems like my family won’t stop pestering me about starting a family.”

“What’s so wrong about that?”

“Nothing, just not for me. Or at least not yet. I don’t think I’m the type to settle down,” he shrugs again as if it were no big deal.

You gasp, “how could you say that? I’ve seen your insta account. It’s got your cousin’s kids all over it!” You stop to take a good look at him as he holds the door of the gym open for you. “Back in school too, you used to tutor those elementary kids for volunteering hours. Even when you didn’t need them. You’ve always liked kids.”

“That’s different…”

“Right. Totally different things. Got it,” you roll your eyes. This wasn’t the first time he mentioned not wanting to settle down. At first, you had thought it was because he liked ‘keeping his options open’ like back in high-school. Or, not that you knew for sure, but if the rumors were true then it meant he slept his way around. Apparently, he never slept with someone twice and despite the cold shoulder the other party would get, all you had ever heard were praises. Not that you paid that much attention or anything.

You and Jaehyun had the same circle of friends, but despite that, he had never made any advances towards you. You’d be lying if that didn’t bother you at least once or twice. You just assumed that he didn’t want to make the friendship awkward or mess with the friend dynamics of your group. Which was why your crush on him in junior high ended as soon as you got to high-school.

You ended up going on dates with other people, but nothing that kept your interest. Nothing that compared to how you felt around him. Not that he seemed to think the same, so you tried your best to stay the good friend you always have been. You didn’t want to push something he clearly didn’t want; not that it didn’t hurt any less. Throughout the years it’s become bearable, at least. Almost like a painful habit.

You check in and head to the locker rooms to change. His nonchalance about the subject had always puzzled you. You’d seen first hand how all the female coworkers seemed to sway their hips as they walked by him, how some would pop a blouse button more than usual when around him, and you swore no one else was getting that much help throughout training more than him. He was handsome and a gentleman, that much was painfully obvious.

You meet him outside by the water fountain, “ready for warm-up?” he guides your way to the treadmills.

“When’s the last time you dated?”

You would have laughed if you weren’t so shocked to see him trip from the corner of your eye. “why the sudden curiosity?” He finally responds.

“Not sudden, I’d always wondered.” You defended. “You’re good looking and you’re very…I mean, you live on your own and have your own car. You have good relations with your family AND you’re good with kids. So, what is it?” You hadn’t realized how troubling you thought it all was. But now that you started digging you couldn’t stop.

“I just—” you pause, “it doesn’t make sense.”

You hear him chuckle, “you might wanna slow down before you pull something.” You look down and realize that your pace had gone from a relaxed jog to a borderline run during your rant. Maybe this wasn’t the best time to psychoanalyze your only friend in the city.

“Well, I just don’t know how to let people in. It’s just that.” He finally responds. “I love kids, but I don’t know or think I’d be a good partner.” He slows down before stopping, ending the conversation. He waves you off with an easy smile as you stay running.

Huh, maybe you pushed him too far. Your eyes can’t help but follow him around the gym.

Sweet and bitter chocolate, The taste at the end is always the same

Like the saddest movies, Only tears in my eyes

Your hands were sweaty the entire morning, anticipating your lunch time. It was his birthday today, and while you hadn’t made any concrete plans you ended up agreeing to go over to his place after work. Your gym bag was ready with snacks and comfy clothes to stay over. You remembered him saying he was excited to watch that new Marvel movie that had recently come out so you had bought it online to stream it at his place as a surprise. But what had you nervous was the small heart shaped box sitting in your purse. You didn’t know what possessed you to buy it but you had immediately thought of Jae when you passed by it at the mall. You remember vaguely mentioning that it was a special occasion to the sales lady (as in, his birthday), but she must have thought it was your significant other rather than friend because she changed the box to the red velvet shaped one while giving you a wink. In her defense, you could have protested but…why didn’t you?

You hear a knock on your door, “hey little miss sunshine.” Ah, Nakamoto, this couldn’t be good news. He was only sickly sweet to you when he needed a favor.

“What do you want?” you deadpan. He only laughs as he makes himself comfortable in your office. “Well, nothing in particular. Can’t stop by and see how you’re doing?” he feigns hurt.

“Right—the last time you ‘came by’ you left me working over-time through the weekend,” You sigh, “so what is it this time? Missed meeting? Late proposal?” To be fair, your supervisor WAS overworked sometimes. And since you were the only worker under him, it was normal for him to sometimes share some of the load with you.

He smiles at you, “nope. Just have a proposal for you. I know you’ve been working hard these past few months and I’ve been really impressed by your work ethic.” He stands and moves closer to your desk, “And I thought some sort of reward was in order, as well as celebration.” Ok, now you’re confused. You were ok with the reward part, it usually came in the form of a gift card to your favorite coffee shop, but celebration?

“Why would we celebrate? Did I miss something?”

“Not yet, but I did recommend you to the partner position with me. And I wanted to be the first to tell you that the boss approved it earlier today. So, what do ya say? Dinner on me?” he extends his hand out to you and wiggles his eyebrows playfully.

Oh.

Shit! You were hoping this would happen eventually, moving up from the entry-level position you had. But you had never thought it would be this fast. “Oh my gosh, are you serious?” You give him your hand and he shakes it in mock salute.

“Of course, some people will come by to move your computer to the office next to mine. You start Monday!” he winks, “So, wanna go to that new rooftop restaurant? This is a once in a life-time ticket, so you best say yes.”

But your dinner with Jae…He’ll understand, right? He has to. It’s not like he seemed that excited about it anyway. And you could always spend the day together tomorrow, too. It would be pretty rude to turn down Yuta after he pulled some strings for you…

You smile at him, “Thank you Mr. Nakamoto, I won’t let you down as a partner. Yeah, dinner sounds great. Wanna meet there?”

You sit down on the small table, now nervous for other reasons.

Jae sits opposite of you, a small smile on his face. “Hey you,” he greets.

“hey…” you start, “I hate to change plans so suddenly, but…” crap, you feel really shitty. But you really were between a rock and a hard place.

“everything ok?”

“yeah, no. I actually just got promoted,” you start.

“You did? That’s awesome! So fast, too. Wow—but shouldn’t you be more enthusiastic about it?” he chuckles.

“I am, just—my old supervisor wanted to go to dinner to celebrate. And I don’t think I could say no after helping me out like that.”

“I mean, did you want to skip it or?” Now he’s confused.

“Well, he wanted to go out tonight since I start Monday and today’s Friday…I don’t think I can come over tonight,” you explain.

Realization crosses his features before he gives a small smile. “Don’t worry about it, you’re fine. And he’s treating you! You don’t know when the next time he offers might be,” he continues, “we can celebrate another day anyway.”

“Are you sure?” now you feel like shit.

“Of course I’m sure.”

For the rest of the lunch, a thick silence settles before he excuses himself back to work.

Jaehyun knew this was coming. Nothing ever went his way; it’s why he kept everyone at a distance from his heart. But he was weak when it came to you. This game of push and pull was bound to keep happening, and it only brought him that all familiar foul taste in his mouth.

I know, that sweet love song, Those words of promise

When you turn around, It's just an unfamiliar someone

It was why he decided to go else-where for university, instead of joining you and some of your friends to the one closest to home. He chose to go across the globe—far, far away from the curse of you.

It had started on a windy day, back when you were 4 and new to the town he grew up in. Jaehyun didn’t want to leave his mother’s arms, he didn’t like the thought of being with strangers until later in the day even if his mom promised that she would be back. A little girl with jean overalls like his came up to him and his mom, “why are you crying?”

“I am not!” he sniffed. He didn’t need to make new friends like his mom was trying to tell him. All he needed was to go back home. You took out something from your pocket and showed it to him, “look, my mom said I could give one to my first friend. She said it was sharing. Want one?”

In her little palm, were two kiss chocolates. “You’re not my friend,” he grumbled, “I don’t know your name.” At that, you giggled, “I’m Y/N!” you took his hand and placed a chocolate there, “there, now we’re officially friends.”

“See, Jae? You can spend some time with Y/N and have fun. Before you know it, I’ll be back,” she promised.

“Yeah, Jae! Come play blocks with me, and then we can try the coloring.” You held his hand as you led him deeper into the classroom. Just like that, Jae began to feel a little warmth in his chest. He didn’t mind that his favorite thing to do was play tag outside or that he wasn’t really good at coloring inside lines yet. But that didn’t matter to him. As long as he had this one friend around, he was content.

Sorry I'm an anti-romantic, I want to run far away

My heart that already chases after you, Blazes up as a small flame

Looking back at it now, it was a little funny. All it took to let you in back then was a simple chocolate kiss and your little sticky hand in his leading the way. You were always larger than life to him, sometimes he forgot that you were just as human as him.

As you two continued to grow, nothing seemed to change your friendship. But he knew that the depth of his feelings wasn’t mutual. It was in the way that you brought a lot different people together and decided to call it your family. Another of your friends, Jungwoo, liked to joke that you collected introverts for fun. To Jaehyun, it was more likely that you just didn’t see the fun in leaving people out. You were charming and passionate. Traits he wished he had. Your empathetic nature and gentle disposition were all that Jaehyun needed, even if he wasn’t the only recipient.

Once you guys started to hit puberty, things started to feel rocky. Jaehyun couldn’t help but physically distance himself from you, his ears were always red-hot. You had always been pretty to Jaehyun, but you were starting to become really beautiful. And if the boy’s locker rooms’ talk were anything to go by, then other people were definitely starting to realize “what a great catch” you were.

It really pissed him off. Who were they to say things as if all you were was a piece of meat? It disgusted him. But what disgusted him more was the fact that sometimes, he couldn’t help but also feel the way your body felt in his when you hugged in greeting. He hated the way his body reacted to everything you did.

He first messed around with a senior girl back when he was a sophomore, Sooyoung. She was leaving and he couldn’t take it anymore. Your boyfriend was a piece of trash and he was tired of hearing the way he would share what Jae considered to be intimate moments that had no business being public. But you seemed so happy… that next game, Jae stole the ball from him and scored on his own. Even if it cost him a three hour lecture from the coach, he would do it again. Fuck being a team, that guy was an asshole.

What he hadn’t planned on was liking messing around. He would never admit it, but the reason he couldn’t commit was because he couldn’t get rid of that small grain of hope that glowed in his chest every time you stared at him longer than would be deemed normal. It wasn’t often, but he knew he wasn’t seeing things. So, he succumbed to the cycle of push-and-pull that you guys had going on.

Jaehyun wasn’t blind, he knew that your work definitely spoke of your professionalism, but he’s also seen the way Nakamoto stared after you. Of the way his hand would often touch your waist when walking together. Even now, as he hears you apologize through the phone again as you get ready for your “date” with him he can’t help this heart feel heavy with anger. Anger at himself, for letting you slip away once more. He usually hopes for nothing but the best for you, but this time, he wishes you had an awful dinner.

Sorry I'm an anti-romantic, I don't believe in romance

I'm afraid that after burning my whole heart, It will only leave behind ashes

Throughout the entire dinner, you can’t seem to get Jae out of your mind. It keeps you from enjoying the delicious food, keeps you from keeping your usual banter with Nakamoto.

You’re about to call it a night and thank Nakamoto for inviting you out when he beats you to it, “damn, I was hoping this might be a good break from the usual overtime we do, but something tells me your mind has been elsewhere,” he offers good naturedly, “I know it’s valentine’s, so maybe this is why we feel so awkward, right?”.

You grimace a bit at that, “ah—I’m sorry. I really am grateful for the way you look after me in the company and I’m also thankful for this lovely dinner,” you stop a bit, afraid you might offend him, “I agreed to come out tonight, so no need to feel awkward.” You offer a smile.

“Alright then. I guess you already have your sights on someone?” he prods. Should you be honest? There was no rule against dating outside your department, and you were pretty sure your new boss’s wife also worked within the company. “…I do. But I’m pretty sure they don’t feel the same way. It’s been so long since we’ve known each other. Surely if something were to have happened, it would have by now.” You were loosening up, definitely the wine’s fault.

Nakamoto sighs at that, “damn, and here I thought I could woo you after this,” he winks jokingly but you laugh him off. You knew he didn’t care for you that way. “I really hope you’re talking about the guy you always eat lunch with. I swear everyone thought you guys were married when you were released from training.”

“What?! No, I—we’ve been friends since we were children—”

“Aha! So it was him then,” he smirks. “Good.”

You groan, “Please, no.”

“What, it’s not him? You sure about that?”

“I will neither confirm nor deny that statement,” you groan. Why were you discussing your love life? You push the wine away and take a sip of your water.

“Hmm. That’s too bad. Could have sworn that guy was after you.” He stands up. “But fine, I’ll stop prodding.”

You sigh in relief—“for now.” You groan. “What do you even mean by that? You don’t even know him. Or me, or at least personally at least.”

“Mmm, I don’t have to. Some things you just know. Like how he wishes I was six feet under every time we run across him at work,” he sobers up at that. “He seemed like a cool dude, but his glare isn’t too friendly. I don’t know how you fell for that.”

You scoff, “just because someone has a resting bitch face doesn’t mean they’re a bad person.”

You both make your way to the underground parking. “You’re right, it just makes them unapproachable. Is that why you won’t confess?” His genuine tone rubs you the wrong way, you don’t need be given false hope.

“Stop it, you said you would drop it,” you frown, “Anyways, thank you for the food boss—”

“—not your boss anymore. Just call me Yuta, we’re partners now.”

“Aren’t you two years older than me?”

“And?”

You shrug at that, “well, thanks Yuta. For the food, not for the interrogation.” He chuckles at that, nodding while pulling out his car keys. “see you Monday!” he waves you off.

You sigh as you get home. It wasn’t as late as you thought it was, only a few minutes past nine. You really wanted to see him. Would he be busy?

You fish out your phone and dial his number before chickening out.

“Hello?”

“Jae! It’s me. Are you busy right now?” your heartbeat is pounding so loud, you’re scared he could hear it on the other end. “Right now?” you hear shuffling on the other end, “no, I was just reading that book Jungwoo sent me. Might have dozed off a bit into it but don’t tell him I said that,” he chuckles.

“Why, is everything ok? It’s still early, did you end dinner that fast?”

“Oh, Yuta and I called it a night pretty early. Too many couples were out and about and it got a bit awkward,” you explained.

“Yuta?”

“Ah, yes. Yuta Nakamoto, but now that we’re associates, he said it would be better to address him less formally.” You waive him off, “actually, I was wondering—if it’s not too late, can I still come over? If not, that’s cool. We can still hang out tomorrow, but your birthday is today and I thought—”

He laughs at your rambles, “of course you can come over, you know you don’t have to ask. How many times have I told you that?”

“Ok, ok. Just checking,” you still had your comfy change of clothes in your car, so you opt to save those for tomorrow and change into something causal for tonight.

“Do you want me to go get you? We can get ice cream on the way, hopefully they don’t close early.”

“Sounds like a plan then,” curse your heart for melting at everything he says.

“Alright, give me 15 and I’ll be there.” He hangs up.

You look at your bag, resting on your sofa and you sigh. The entire night, it’s almost as if you could feel the weight of his gift weighing it down. Yuta is known for being very observant, it’s why he was so good at his job. Closing deals and making contracts in advertisement. Would he be right about this? You know you desperately wish he was, but is it worth risking your best friend?

EndNote | Woooow, that was a longass ride. Let me know if you liked it or if there are other typos I missed! Or just to let me know what you thought, that would be much appreciated. I'm thinking of finishing it by Sunday 6/13, so hopefully the next part is up by then. Until then!

Here's Part 2!

[sibunaranks]

How each HOA character handles their birthday...

I was gonna do this before my bday but had a panic attack that day and like it got pushed off and all the bday talk made me wanna do this..

Amber - We can see she loves her birthday. It's all about her. She loves presents and has a list of ones she finds acceptable. She even gets herself her own gifts. As Amber gets older she continues to turn 29. She refuses to get to 30. Amber while in love with the presents also loves attention and family and friends because it means she's loved.

Alfie - Alfie loves his birthday. Each year his cake request gets crazier and crazier. He is the only one in the house who still has a themed party. It's usually zombies or super heroes or something childish. Presents he gets can usually be found in the toy section of the store. usually gets sick on birthday foods.

Jerome - Doesn't like his birthday. Just doesn't see the fuss. Very much a "Just one year closer to death" kinda guy. They still throw him a party and usually by the end of it he has some fun but not because of the fact it's his birthday, but because he loves a good party. He does however love presents. He asks for cash whenever asked. he likes to enjoy the benefits without the like for the holiday.

Patricia - Another birthday hater. People still make a fuss, especially Joy and Eddie. Joy knows her best friend so well that she plans something Patricia can stomach. Patricia never liked brithdays due to being a twin and always feeling like attention went to Piper more. But her Anubis family makes her feel super loved. Piper always sends her a big card. She isn't much for parties but her friends always do whatever they can to enjoy it best as they can. She's the hardest to get gifts for.

Eddie - This man loves a good birthday. He sees it as a day full of Eddie time. He can slack and nobody yells at him (except Victor who couldn't care less). He also loves the good food. He also uses this to get Patricia to be more affectionate towards him when normally she's not into PDA. She rolls her eyes but still can't fight the whole "But it's my birthday" argument. Stuff with his dad is still awkward though as he missed so many. His mom even far away makes a fuss.

KT - KT likes birthdays but it's mainly because she gets to do fun stuff with her friends. She always request they all go out on the town and have fun instead of a party. She takes pictures the whole night and has a ball. She gets a bit homesick her first birthday in UK but her friends help her best they can to enjoy the day she always loved.

Nina - Nina is a casual birthday person. She's cool with just a "Happy birthday" and some hugs. She was used to just birthdays with her gran which were usually some cake and card games with a few presents. She likes things simple. She also likes how she can take the day to relieve some stress from her duties as chosen one as she isn't even in school at the time. The house group calls her from Joys party.

Joy - Joy plans her own party because nobody else can do it correctly. She makes others help. She says it's a surprise party and pretends it is but it isn't. She fakes surprised at the presents too but she knows what she was getting cause she picked them out. She's all smiles. She's a little jealous about sharing her special day with Nina but with Nina in America she doesn't need to share much. Plans most of the Anubis parties.

Mick - Mick wakes up and forgets it's his birthday. Every. Year. He doesn't care. He knows his birthday if you ask him but it doesn't ever correlate. When he remembers he's like "Sweet." and just enjoys the day ahead of him. He also usually forgets the others birthdays if not told (except Fabian he's special). Horrible at giving gifts.

Willow - Willow loves birthdays. She likes earthly birthdays. She says no gifts, but they pull together some money and make a charity donation in her name. she cries but nobody knows why cuz they were all pretty broke and it wasn't that much. They go to the beach and have a chill day there for her birthday, exactly what she wanted. (think the zoey 101 beach day)

Mara - Mara doesn't care much about birthdays. She's neutral. From a science aspect she see's no significance. From a teenage girl aspect she thinks it's a little special. She is the best gift giver in the house because she spends hours researching. She is good at faking like of gifts even when she hates them (cough Alfie). She has a no funny business rule. Jerome gives her a coupon book where the coupons are for him to go away and it's her favorite gift.

Fabian - Fabian is a shy little guy but he secretly loves his birthday. a bit of a guilty pleasure. He is appreciative of everything. He's smiles all day. He doesn't want a big fuss, just the house. He is always telling people facts about stuff that happened on his birthday and they pretend to care. He gets another copy of the solar system is your friend (signed) one year and actually cries. Pretends to hate but loves the annual birthday wakeup Mick would give him where he would smother him in the bed while singing.

[favefandomimagines]

Then Let Me Go (g.w.)

Summary: you’ve been with George since your third year at hogwarts and you wondered if he’d ever propose

AN: this was inspired by a season 3 episode of glee where emma talks to will about marrying her and her OCD and i switched it up and used anxiety instead which is something i deal with all the time

You and George were the epic love story. You beat the odds, survived a war and had reached a mile stone of almost a decade together.

And yet you were at a stand still. Everyone around you was either married or engaged to be married.

Fred had just gotten back from his honeymoon with Angelina, Ron just got married to Hermione and Harry proposed to Ginny two months prior.

And then there was you and George. The epic love story that was grinding to a halt. That thought alone made your anxiety and overthinking worse than it’s been.

Being a half blood, you knew what anxiety was. Your mother had it when she was your age and it was something you dealt with every day. Your boyfriend had known about your illness early into your friendship, long before you were dating.

He was always there for you but now that he was the thing causing your anxiety, you didn’t know who to turn to.

George not proposing made you second guess everything you did. Thinking that the smallest wrong thing would lead to George to admit he didn’t want to marry you.

You were beginning to feel self-conscious and almost like you not revelling in the greatness that is pre marital or post marital bliss, you were a burden.

No one who’s married or engaged wants to hang out with the only person who’s not.

Angelina’s birthday was coming up and Fred had entrusted you in planning the event. Which you said yes to because not only was she your best friend, it distracted you from the constant mental chatter.

You were sitting at your kitchen table, going through the various ideas you had for Angelina’s party.

“Hello, darling.” George greeted you as he entered your shared home. “Hi, Georgie.” You replied, eyes not leaving your plans. “Are you still planning the party?” He asked.

The redhead sat across from you as he watched you hyper focused on your work. “Uh, yes. I just want everything to be perfect. I feel like there’s something missing.” You answered.

“Y/N, it’s going to be perfect. You just have to relax.” He said. “I can’t relax, George.” You muttered, hating the way he told you to relax.

“What’s really going on? I know there’s something wrong, there has been for months.” He commented.

You stopped your movements for a moment before looking up at him.

“D-Do you want to be with me? As in husband and wife?” You questioned. “Of course I do. But planning a wedding and having kids can be a lot for your anxiety, love. I don’t want you to be in that kind of environment.” George answered.

Though his answer was caring, thoughtful and putting you first, you were frustrated by it.

“George, I’m more than just this disease that I have. Every single day is riddled with anxiety but that doesn’t stop me from pursuing the things I love. I got a job at the ministry for Merlin’s sake, despite the constant feeling of not being good enough and that I don’t deserve it.” You started.

You paused to keep your emotions in check but George knew you like an open book.

“I want to marry you, George, I want to be your wife. But if me being so irrevocably in love with you isn’t enough and you only see my anxiety, then you need to let me go. Because this whole time I’ve been watching everyone in my life have what I want. And it’s not fair to either of us to stay in a relationship that’s come to a stand still.” You finished.

You cleared your throat and stood up from the table, heading into the guest bedroom. Locking the door behind you.

George inwardly groaned has he put his head in his hands. The truth was, he had decided he was going to propose to you a long time ago but then he had a conversation with one of his old friends from school and their words got in his head.

Your anxiety would just get worse if you had to plan a wedding and having to care and worry for a child would add on to that. But he was so incredibly wrong for letting that get to him.

—

It had been a week or so since the truth was revealed and Molly had invited you and George to the Burrow for a family dinner.

You and George hadn’t really talked since that day. He made it clear to you that he didn’t want to lose you or end the relationship that you both had jumped through hoops to keep.

The conversations were the usual, normal ones. Neither you of mentioning your previous conversation but the tension was very noticeable.

The whole Weasley family could tell something was off. The extended members included. You and George were usually the couple everyone wanted to be like and now, they couldn’t be happier they weren’t.

Before dinner was ready, Molly had asked if you could help her prepare dinner. 

Now you’ve known Molly for years and she rarely asked people for help in the kitchen. The last time she did, it was holiday break and George asked you out the next day.

“Is there something going on with you and George?” She asked you. That was when you broke. No one had been upfront enough to ask you and the fact that someone had, was enough to make you let down your walls. 

“I asked him if he thought about marrying me and he basically said he didn’t want my anxiety to ruin it. I didn’t think it was that much of an issue that he didn’t want to marry me.” You cried to the woman. 

Molly wrapped you in a tight embrace and cooed you as you cried. “I don’t know what else I can do.” You added. The Weasley matriarch feared for your relationship. 

Not only had you had a positive impact on his son but her family as well. Her and Arthur saw you as another daughter and they loved you as if you were their own. She didn’t like seeing you hurt especially at the hands of her son. 

After a few minutes of her consoling you and cleaning yourself up, you helped her bring dinner out on to the table and took your ‘assigned’ seat next to George. 

He could tell you had been crying. He knew that when your eyes were a little puffy and your eyelashes were damp, that you had been crying over him.

You had three types of crying; the crying over a book, which usually involves a couple stray tears. The frustrated crying, that involved you yelling and sobbing at the same time. And the crying over a boy. Which was quiet and sad, and he knew it quite well because it had been reserved for him for the past decade.

Under the table he placed a comforting hand on your thigh and he felt you tense under his touch before softening slightly. 

Dinner soon came to an end, after the hour of grueling wedding talk and questions about when Fred and Angelina were having kids. 

Everyone could see the distant look on your face as they talked about it. The only two people who knew what was actually going on was Angelina and Ginny. 

While you were helping clean up the table with Ginny and Hermione, Molly pulled her son aside to have a much needed conversation. 

“George, what is this I hear about you not wanting to marry Y/N?” She asked. “I-I know how it probably sounded to her. I made it sound really bad. But, I do want to marry Y/N, mum. I just, don’t know how to ask her.” George answered. 

He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out the small ring box. “I’ve had the ring for a while I just couldn’t find the right time. It has to be perfect because she deserves nothing less than perfect.” He added. 

“Sweetheart, Y/N will think it’s perfect because the man she loves is asking to spend the rest of his life with her. That’s all she wants. She wants you to want to marry her, flaws and all.” Molly told him. 

George nodded his head as he looked at the ring in his hand. He quietly muttered an ‘excuse me’ to his mother before going to find you. The Burrow was important and significant to the both of you and if that wasn’t the best place, he didn’t know what would be. 

“Y/N, may I borrow you for a second?” He asked you. You looked from him to Ginny as she nodded her head and took the plates from your hand. George intertwined his fingers with yours as he led you outside. 

The two of you walked a ways away from the house, down the path of tall grass before you had come upon the clearing. The sunflowers were in full bloom around you and the air was warm, a slight breeze blowing. 

“What did you need to talk about?” You asked him, avoiding eye contact by looking at the sunflowers blowing in front of you. “Y/N, I need you to know that I love you. I have loved you since I was 14 years old and I have loved you more every day since then. You’re perfect even when you don’t think you are,” George started. 

You didn’t know where he was going with his declaration of love. “It’s like that line from that muggle poem you always say, uh what was it?” He stammered. “We loved with a love that was more than love. It’s from a poem by Edgar Allen Poe.” You interjected. 

“Yes! That’s it! You and I, Y/N, are the epic love story just like that. And that is why I want to marry you. All of you. I want to live my life with you. I want to have kids with you, preferably twins but I’ll love them all the same. My point is,” George paused, getting down on one knee. 

“Marry me, Y/N. Please.” He finished. Your answer to him was wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him deeply. He didn’t hesitate kissing you back. 

The two of you parted and George looked at you with a smile on his face. “Is that a yes?” He asked. “Of course it’s a yes.” You laughed. George laughed in relief as he took the ring out of the box and slid it on to your finger. 

[bloody-bee-tea]

JC Love Month 2020 Day 9

Mystery Talent

Day 9 of JC Love Month brings more JC living at the Nie's from Day 1 and Day 5 and it shows that they are so very good to him when JC picks up a long forgotten hobby because he feels secure enough with them to do so.

Nie Mingjue doesn’t know what he expected when he first took Jiang Cheng in but it certainly wasn’t to be cornered by Jiang Yanli of all people.

“Listen,” she says and fixes him with a glare that actually makes Nie Mingjue straighten up more than he already is.

“I’m listening,” he says seriously and wishes that Nie Huaisang would be subjected to this as well.

He was the one who first raised the idea that they should take in Jiang Cheng after all. He should get this version of the shovel talk as well.

“If you hurt my brother, I’ll know,” she tells him and he nods, because he doesn’t doubt it for a moment.

It’s the curse of the elder siblings to always know when the younger ones are hurt.

“I promise to take good care of him,” Nie Mingjue vows and he thinks they are already on a good way.

Jiang Cheng’s birthday was a success and he seems more comfortable in their home with every day that passes.

Nie Mingjue knows that they have to make up for years and years of a shitty family life, but they are damn well going to try.

They managed to make Mo Xuanyu feel like family, and he was near suicidal by the time he got to them, so they should be able to do the same for Jiang Cheng.

Nie Mingjue startles slightly when Wei Wuxian suddenly appears behind Jiang Yanli, only nodding along but not actually saying anything, and it’s more disconcerting than Nie Mingjue wants to admit.

“If he calls us because he’s unhappy here, you’re going to regret it,” Jiang Yanli says, and while Nie Mingjue would normally laugh at a threat like that—because really, what is Jiang Yanli ever going to do to him—he nods.

This is a serious threat and Nie Mingjue has no doubt that she will channel immeasurable amounts of strength simply to kill him if he should hurt Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian is probably going to hold her flower, if Nie Mingjue were to steal from Nie Huaisang’s meme talk, cheering her on and not otherwise lifting a finger.

It’s good to see that Jiang Cheng has his siblings standing up for him like that.

“I will make sure that he never has reason to call you out of grief,” Nie Mingjue tells her and Jiang Yanli’s face softens, just the slightest bit.

“Good. And if you should ever see him bake, you’re going to call me immediately,” she then says, even more serious than she was before and Nie Mingjue frowns. “And I mean immediately. If you stumble upon him in the middle of the night baking then you’re going to call me that very same instant.”

Wei Wuxian nods behind her, just as intense as his sister and even though it’s a mystery to Nie Mingjue why Jiang Cheng baking should be cause enough to call them no matter the time, he nods again.

If they want him to call, then he will, especially if it holds some significance for Jiang Cheng to bake.

“Do I dare ask why?” Nie Mingjue wants to know and Jiang Yanli gives him a very sweet smile, that already tells him the answer.

“No,” she still says and Nie Mingjue sighs.

Fine then. He’ll just wait and see what’s going to happen.

~*~*~

A lot is going to happen, it turns out. First and most notable, Nie Mingjue thinks, is the fact that for the very first time it’s Jiang Cheng who drags Nie Huaisang into the room.

It’s making Nie Mingjue anxious because so far Jiang Cheng has never willingly used the room—he has always been dragged off by Nie Huaisang and came back out crying more often than not—and so Nie Mingjue paces in front of the closed door for the entire time they are in there.

“You need to relax,” Mo Xuanyu suddenly says from his side and Nie Mingjue almost startles.

He didn’t notice him there.

“I know, I know,” Nie Mingjue absentmindedly says, keeping his eyes on the still closed door, at least right until Mo Xuanyu steps in front of him and pulls his face down so he’s looking at Mo Xuanyu instead.

“Mingjue,” he says and Nie Mingjue sags where he stands.

“I know,” he says again, much softer this time, but he can’t help but to worry.

“He’s doing fine,” Mo Xuanyu tells him and then simply throws himself at Nie Mingjue, who catches him easily, because Mo Xuanyu has been with them for long enough for Nie Mingjue to expect this.

“Is he?” Nie Mingjue asks and Mo Xuanyu slaps his back.

“I know you’re stupid, but you’re not actually that stupid. Of course he’s doing fine. This is a good sign. It’s him expressing his emotions, and that’s always good. Remember the first time I used the room?” Mo Xuanyu asks him and Nie Mingjue tightens his arms around Mo Xuanyu at the memory.

“Yes,” he says, because he does.

Mo Xuanyu dragged him into the room and he had started with begging him to not kick him out for this, and only when Nie Mingjue had told him that would never happen did Mo Xuanyu yell at him for a good five minutes about how stupid Nie Mingjue was being by trusting Jin Guangshan even the slightest bit, and be it just in a work-relationship.

When he had been done, Mo Xuanyu broke down crying—mostly out of relief to get it all off his chest—but the sight had still hurt Nie Mingjue.

“It was a good moment,” Mo Xuanyu reminds him and Nie Mingjue shrugs.

“Doesn’t make it easier to see you cry,” he admits, because he hates when any of the others cry.

Nie Huaisang mostly learned to wield his tears like a weapon, but there are times when they are real and that’s always bad for Nie Mingjue’s own feelings. Mo Xuanyu mostly doesn’t cry at all anymore, deciding to smile his hurt away, but that, too, is painful to watch.

At the moment it’s mostly Jiang Cheng who cries though, and it makes the other three weepy too, because he cries at the most normal things like a hug or the reassurance that he’s loved.

That’s very hard to take for Nie Mingjue.

“It’s why I stopped,” Mo Xuanyu says and pulls away.

“Seeing you smile when you’re hurt isn’t that much easier, Xuanyu,” Nie Mingjue tells him and flicks his forehead and he’s not at all surprised when Mo Xuanyu’s eyes go a little bit misty.

“I’m working on it,” he promises and Nie Mingjue knows that he is.

They all are still working on all of their issues, after all.

It’s in that moment when the door to the room flies open and Jiang Cheng stalks off, tears streaming down his face and a very stunned Nie Huaisang coming out after him.

“You good?” Nie Mingjue asks, even though he itches to go after Jiang Cheng to see if there is anything he can to do soothe him.

“He is louder than you are, da-ge,” Nie Huaisang says with something akin to wonder in his voice and Nie Mingjue frowns.

“Is that good or bad?” he wants to know, and watches fondly as Mo Xuanyu bounds over to Nie Huaisang to pull him into a hug as well.

Except this one is accompanied by kisses Nie Mingjue most definitely does not want to see.

“Good, I think,” Nie Huaisang finally says when he extracted himself from Mo Xuanyu and Nie Mingjue rolls his eyes, not that anyone sees, because they go right back to kissing.

“Alright, then,” Nie Mingjue grumbles and goes after Jiang Cheng, because clearly Nie Huaisang is being well taken care of.

He finds Jiang Cheng in the kitchen, where he’s pulling out all the ingredients he’d need to bake, and there are still tears streaming down his face.

Nie Mingjue still has Jiang Yanli’s words in his ear, so he immediately reaches for his phone and dials her number without taking his eyes off Jiang Cheng.

“Nie Mingjue,” she sweetly greets him but Nie Mingjue is too worried what this means to greet her properly.

“He’s baking,” he says and there’s a surprised gasp at the other end of the line.

“He’s what?” Jiang Yanli asks, and her voice sounds shaky and Nie Mingjue wants to know what this is all about this very instant, because if he needs to go in there and soothe Jiang Cheng then he’d rather do it sooner than later.

“He’s getting out all the ingredients he needs and he’s baking something.”

There’s a shuddering breath from her and then she bursts into tears, much to Nie Mingjue’s horror.

“Yanli?” he carefully asks, wondering how they could have fucked this up so badly but then she laughs.

“Thank you so much for giving this back to my brother,” she says through her tears and Nie Mingjue frowns.

“I don’t understand,” he admits and she takes a moment to calm herself down before she explains.

“He loves baking, and he has quite the talent, too,” she starts and now Nie Mingjue is even more confused, because if he loves this then shouldn’t this be a good thing? “Our parents, they—they didn’t approve,” she says and her voice goes dark. “It’s only for girls in their eyes, and it holds no real merit, isn’t something useful for the company or whatever they told him and they forbid him from doing it. He hasn’t baked anything in years. He used to do it when he was happy, when everything was so right in the world for him that he wanted to capture it with something you could taste, but I haven’t seen him do it in too long.” There’s a pause before she whispers “I think the last time was when he was fourteen.”

“Oh,” Nie Mingjue says and he looks at the situation with different eyes now.

Jiang Cheng is still crying, but now that Nie Mingjue knows what he’s looking for he sees that Jiang Cheng is relaxed, his shoulders loose and a lightness to his steps that wasn’t there before.

“Thank you, Mingjue, thank you for giving me back my brother, I mean it,” Jiang Yanli says and her praise makes Nie Mingjue uncomfortable.

“Don’t thank me,” he says gruffly but he can’t deny that he is touched by her words.

But mostly he’s touched because apparently Jiang Cheng is finally happy again.

“I’ll talk to you later, okay?” he says suddenly itching with the need to hang up and go into the kitchen to talk to Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli laughs as if she knows exactly what’s happening.

“Tell him I love him,” she says and then simply hangs up.

“Jiang Cheng?” Nie Mingjue carefully asks when he steps into the kitchen and Jiang Cheng gives him a huge smile, even though there are still tears on his cheek. “What’s going on?” Nie Mingjue wants to know and Jiang Cheng looks at the ingredients like he’s doubting Nie Mingjue’s intellect.

“I’m baking,” he says and Nie Mingjue sighs.

“I can see that. I meant the whole thing,” he says and makes a vague gesture with his hand, hoping to encompass everything about Jiang Cheng right now.

At Jiang Cheng’s confused frown he elaborates. “I just talked to your sister. She said you’re happy? I fail to see how you storming out of the room crying equates to you being happy, if I’m honest,” Nie Mingjue says and Jiang Cheng laughs before he motions for Nie Mingjue to come closer, so he can work more easily and without having to turn around all the time.

“This was the first time I used the room,” Jiang Cheng says. “The first time I decided to go in there.”

“I know.”

“I—in my old home, arguments were not to be held,” he says and Nie Mingjue goes very warm when Jiang Cheng refers to the Jiang residence as his old home.

It means he accepted that this is his new home.

“My parents yelled at each other and they berated us, but we weren’t actually allowed to talk back. And whenever one of us did, they took something away from us. Mostly their attention, but sometimes they would tell us how disappointed they are in us, or how bad we are behaving, how they can’t love us if we’re being like this. Sometimes they would take things we liked; certain books or our laptop or whatever else we held dear.”

Nie Mingjue has to fight the urge to go over to the Jiang residence and yell at them a whole lot. How dare they.

“Well, I say us, but mostly it was me,” Jiang Cheng says with a self-deprecating smile. “So whenever I said something to them, I always knew that it would have consequences. Their love for me was always conditional, I knew that, even though I chose to ignore that most of the time. I always hoped, you know,” Jiang Cheng mutters as he mixes the ingredients together.

“But today I went into the room with Nie Huaisang and I yelled at him for at least three minutes and we had a very bad fight, if I’m being honest. But throughout it all I knew that no matter what I said, we’d come out of the room and I’d still have his love and a home. I knew that it wouldn’t change anything if I yelled at him. I know it wouldn’t change anything if I yelled at you or Xuanyu either, and I haven’t felt like that in a long time,” Jiang Cheng whispers and Nie Mingjue can’t help himself, he simply has to reach over and pull him into a hug.

“Love is not conditional, Wanyin,” Nie Mingjue roughly tells him, fighting his own tears. “We will always love you, no matter what you do and you will always have a home here.”

“I know,” Jiang Cheng says, full on sobbing in Nie Mingjue’s shoulder now. “It’s why I’m baking. Because I know and because I’m home.”

“That you are,” Nie Mingjue agrees, and it’s a long time before Jiang Cheng goes back to baking.

When the muffins are in the oven, the smell draws Nie Huaisang and Mo Xuanyu out of their room and the first thing Nie Huaisang does when he sees Jiang Cheng is to hug him as well, furiously muttering something that makes Jiang Cheng blush and smile and Nie Mingjue hopes to always see him this happy from now on.

When the muffins are finally done it’s chaos in the kitchen, because everyone wants to be the first one to taste them and Nie Mingjue easily admits that he’s very proud that he wins, mostly because it makes Jiang Cheng laugh again.

The muffins are the most delicious thing Nie Mingjue has ever tasted and when they finally all settle around the kitchen table, various drinks in front of them, it certainly does feel like family and home.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

Nie Mingjue is looking forward to making Jiang Cheng bake a lot more often in the future.

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