#blah blah reminder that this is JUST FICTION and me having fun

[ariel26c]

🎀Things I’ve learned about Shifting 🎀

1. Background noise doesn’t matter. I come from a Hispanic family household and let me tell you hun it’s freaking loud as hell. It’s like a zoo lol but guess what? I still shifted. At some point you will start to feel your CR kinda “fade away”. I have been in this state where I am in between my CR and DR. I can hear background noise from my CR but I still feel like I’m in a different room or I hear sounds from my DR as well. Has anyone experienced this?? Let me know, I’m curious 🤨

2. Have patience. Allow yourself to relax and naturally connect to your DR. Don’t stress about having random thoughts or having an itch or things like that. Have patience with yourself like seriously you got this babe. Sometimes for me it’s feels like it’s takes 1 or 2 hours until I feel fully connected to my DR. (It’s different for everyone btw) you may take less time than I do. Those things don’t matter if you decide that those things don’t matter.

3. Methods really aren’t needed. If you think about it all methods consist of the same thing usually. It usually consists of affirmations, visualization, subliminal audios, meditation, counting, blah blah blah. If you want to use a method, then do that but don’t force yourself to do a method that doesn’t resonate with you. If you don’t like counting, then don’t count. If you don’t like visualizing, then don’t visualize. Change things up a bit and listen to music that reminds you of your DR or do something that you think is fun.

4. Just because some people like to lie about their shifting experiences doesn’t mean that shifting is fake. Just like in every community there is going to be people that are dishonest or don’t have the best intentions but that doesn’t mean that shifting is a big inside joke. Don’t allow these people to discourage you from shifting to your DR or make you doubt in its existence. Don’t depend on other people's content to feel motivated or believe in shifting. Just KNOW it’s real and motivate yourself to shift. (even though motivation isn’t needed to shift)

5. Shifting is Real. I think we all should know this by now, but I don’t think people really fully understand just how REAL shifting is. I mean you are going to be able to use all of your senses. You will be able to taste food, see your reflection in the mirror, talk to people that may be considered as fictional in this reality, etc. The process of shifting is safe but if you are shifting somewhere that has violence or gore make sure you script your own well-being. High pain tolerance, no trauma, etc.

6. Time isn't important. Just because it's been 4 years or 5 doesn't mean you can't do it. Time doesn't apply to shifting because time is just man-made thing. We created the concept of time not the Universe. Don't blame the Universe for your "Failure". (Spoiler alert: it's not failure) You just need to realize that no matter what, it will happen. It is completely inevitable. Some people have shifted after 5 years so don't give up! It will be worth it.

7. You can't fail at shifting. When you do your method, you will shift to your DR or shift to your CR. You shift all the time. We are constantly shifting consciously or unconsciously. Manifestation and shifting are very much closely related. (But that's another discussion for another time) Just like how we are manifesting on autopilot we are also shifting on autopilot. So, when you do a sleep method, and you wake up in this reality instead of your DR you still shifted. (Just not to your DR) (Get it?)

I hope you found this post helpful! :)

[marthawrites]

I'm feeling ranty and I'm not even putting this bitch under a read more

Ewan Mitchell is an ACTOR. He's not your friend, boyfriend, celebrity hook up, or even someone you can follow on social media. He's an actor who, assumedly, prefers to live a private life outside of his JOB of acting

Literally everything we know about him from behind the scene stuff from The Last Kingdom and House of the Dragon (I assume more of his projects too but idk) is that he is a lovely person, very kind, and generally a good dude. Like, that's what EVERYONE says

And given all the event content we've seen of him over the last week, all those people who've talked good on his name are correct! He really does seem like a genuinely good dude!

Idk why so many people are (badly) foaming at the mouth about it???

He's an adult who can do whatever he wants. If he wants to wear that, he can. If he wants to go to two different events in the same week he can. If he wants to bombard the media with pretty boy behind the scene sillies, HE CAN

HES AN ACTOR. DOING A JOB. FOR THE BIG STUDIOS HES WORKING FOR. HE PROBS HAS A CONTRACT.

"He's an introvert" "he doesn't like being in the spot light" "he doesn't like interviews" "he just wants to live a quiet life" BLAH BLAH BLAH

You can still be an introvert and have fun at parties. Like wtf. Introverts aren't weird little hermits who live in caves and don't ever have fun

As much fun as I've had seeing Ewan Mitchell content this past week it's also a huge reminder of why I've never dove into fandoms like I have with HotD. People are insane over celebrities. It's gross. It makes me uncomfortable. The way people treat and obsess over celebrities is genuinely ODD and sometimes disturbing behavior

Do I admire and respect Ewan Mitchell? Absolutely. This last week hasn't changed that

BUT at the end of the day this blog is centered around FICTION, reading and writing imaginary stories, and CHARACTERS within their respective universes. I avoid the celebrity bullshit as much as I can. I'm here for the CHARACTERS actors portray

I really enjoy my fandom space here. But wow this last week has really opened my eyes a lot to how people feel about celebrities aside from their acting capabilities

END RANT.

[the-cat-chat]

February 22, 2025

Pretty Woman (1990)

While on a business trip in Los Angeles, Edward, who makes a living buying and breaking up companies, picks up a prostitute, Vivian, to stay with him for the weekend. The two get closer, only to discover there are significant hurdles to overcome as they try to bridge the gap between their very different worlds.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: We're closing out Valentine's month with a rom-com classic. This movie has some definite funny moments, good chemistry, the acting is pretty good. It has a psuedo rags-to-riches Cinderella plot, which is fun to watch. It's very fish-out-of-water type of humor. Watching it reminded me a bit of The Princess Diaries (maybe that was just the hotel manager cameo?).

While the dichotomy between super rich but emotionally unavailable guy and down-to-earth lost prostitute woman is certainly entertaining, it does feel a bit dated now. The roles were certainly more black and white than they would be in reality.

Despite its happy ending and rich guy's "big" moment at the end, I don't feel like his character explains himself or apologizes or really communicates his ability to commit. Sure he climbs a fire escape and faces his fear of heights (presumably symbolic of his fear of commitment), but I wanted a little final speech to bring it all together. Not just a kiss and a happy ending. I'm not expecting a reveal of true love or whatever, just an I’m sorry that I was an idiot, I’m ready to be better and do better blah blah.

And I know this is fiction okay I know. But based on what we see in this movie about their lifestyles and their communication, do we really think something like this is going to last? That final nagging thought kept me from really believing in the happiness of the ending.

Rating: 6/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I have to say I think the song and just thinking Julia Roberts is great and funny tricked me realllll good. I hate this movie. Like first. The opening scene. Let’s not discuss. But also. Taking the friend’s car? If he’s only had a driver he doesn’t have a license right bc this has partially bothered me all week- but good thing is there’s so much more to be bothered by!! Richard Gere is creepy -he just stares? And then her laughing at the I Love Lucy episode - like it’s not thatttt funny - it’s such a weird sceneeeee. And I hate how everyone looks down on her? Like it’s the 80s in California and she’s very young? I don’t think her outfit screamed prostitute? Maybe I’m wrong? I wasn’t therreee! But no, they’re all just rich snobs - which leads me to my next point. There’s no real love story? It’s just close proximity and a man throwing money at her? Likeeeeeee - tell me I’m wrong. The only saving grace of this movie is Joe from The Princess Diaries. And the gross friend? And can we go back to the money thing bc he’s just on a power trip. Like it makes him feel goodddd. Uggg. And I was so glad she left him. Onlyyyy to have him come back. Richard Gere isn’t even that handsome with his beady little eyes. I’m done. Happy Valentine’s Month.

Rating: 4/10 Cats 🐈

[sugar-omi]

hi! I keep seeing stuff about mechats (online, ads, etc) but I have no idea what it is and im kinda scared but mostly intrigued??

LOL I GET IT!!! if it helps, its literally like a dating app. although no one is creepy (to an extent. there are some INTERESTING characters)

n no one can really reject you? like, you may not match once. but you may match again? or you can force it by hitting the "crown" icon and force a match with whoever you see is getting a game update or is new. or you can change your likes!

because like i said, its like a dating app. so if you say pick everything but "spicy" you may not match with characters whose storyline, like glenn, is reallyyyy sexual. but if you do pick it, you'll most likely/definitely will match with them!

again, you can always keep swiping right on em, n you'll match eventually so you don't have to be all sneaky abt choosing preferences n blah blah blah. but yeah, that's how the matching system works to my understanding. but don't quote me!!🙅🙅 bc i'd hate to be wrong n get flack 💀

eta, i'm looking at the wiki n apparently there are some you can't match with??? i've never seen that before. but it says something about how the game hasn't uploaded storylines for them yet. so. just in case you run into them, there's that info apparently.

OH AND THERE'S A WIKI!! IF YOU WANNA SEE WHATSUP W THE CHARACTERS

they have counterparts n stuff, so if someone isn't your type.. see if they have a counterpart. most of them do. the storyline is the same though! can even switch em half way through...

IF YOU DO PLAY. I HIGHLYYY RECCOMMEND ZAOS VALCAN. (/lewis hill /dejerius lane)

he's so sweet. so cute. amazing... it starts off very cute, n youre friends for a bit. you meet on a video game n a lot of his pictures n dates are fantasy like, n he's so romantic n he's just a amazing... i need him to get an update QUICKLY. I MISS MY POOKIE <///3

or if you're a freak, i highly rec glenn hobbs (/niles robinson) for all your freaky, and non-committal (eventually committal) needs

OR IF YOU'RE A REALLL FREAK. AND A DOM. I REC ARCHIBALD (/ravi /thiago) i refuse to elaborate. just know... that's where the master/servant cake is. and i fucking love it.

oh n i think at the beginning, when signing up, you can filter out the 18+ storylines?? so you won't get NSFW? it's been a long time, but i'm looking at the wiki n it just reminded me.

but there's a whole bunch of characters!!! you can check the "matches > storyline" part of the wiki, to see whats up, see what troupes there are that you might like.

i've browsed the mechat reddit sub briefly for information on different things, so idk how it is over there. but that's a thing too..

i swear its a fun app, had me kicking my feet n squealing n blushing n shit. its so cute n so fun n so good ok trust me

ANYWAY IM RAMBLING. I FEEL A BIT CRAZY W ALL THIS YAPPING ABT A FICTIONAL DATING APP... BUT.... ANYWAY. IF I GOT U EXCITED ABT IT, YOURE WELCOME. HAVE FUN.

OR IF YOU, OR ANYONE, HAS ANY MORE QUESTIONS.. IM HAPPY TO ANSWER.

[rpfofficial]

oh youve done it now @kafkaesquegf this is me elaborating. well first of all I've rethought my statement and I don't think he would've Hated it. my full thoughts are below the cut it is very garbled, not at all organised and hardly proofread. but if I have time I might write a full brechtian analysis of the game. anyway

So i have no doubt that thematically and politically brecht would agree with and fuck with disco elysium. But i think that the method that the devs of disco elysium took to convey their ideas is like the polar opposite of what brecht would have done.

disco elysium is hyper-immersive, its a second person narrative, first person player game where you are the "you" of the story and you make harry's decisions for him. You choose how much information to take in, how much information to give, you have the controls. But you are still at the mercy of the dice and the reactions of the other characters. you are subject to the narrative, even as a member of the "audience" or an outsider to the world of elysium.

but brecht's idea of verframdungseffekt is all about not allowing the audience to become immersed in the world or the emotions of his stories. he didn't believe theatre should be pure passive enjoyment, but for the audience's enjoyment to be taken from "putting [their] reason to work". the audience should always be reminded that what they are observing is a piece of fiction and merely a reflection of reality and they should be observing it in terms of what it says about society and social roles blah blah. and his idea of epic theatre is anti-tragedy, anti-"you are trapped in the narrative and there is no escaping", so I think he would have opposed the probability based game mechanics of DE on the basis that the "audience" cannot be part of the story if that takes away their autonomy or freedom, as a participant and as an observer. I mean, he isn't augusto boal (look up spectactor and theatre of the oppressed)

that being said, disco elysium is obviously the opposite of passive enjoyment, and every aspect of it encourages interpretation and rational thought - which brecht would have loves (he said he wanted the audience to be "psychologists" of his plays, which is how many people engage with DE as well) - but it still allows an element of "forget your reality and live in this fantasy world", even though the creators deliberately made every aspect of the world reflect our real world! I think Marxist and other leftist fans of the game love to dissect the sociopolitical realities of the game and what they reflect of our world, but other people will either fully see it as a fictional world that requires no critical thought and can just be enjoyed and experienced without any real-life relevance, or they will see the way it reflects reality and become impatient/rage quit, or simply ignore it. now this isn't a fault of the game, that's all a byproduct of people not being able to engage critically with art, or just because liberals don't like being made fun of :P but brecht's methods (ideally) don't leave any room for that. the fiction must be separated from the reality; the point of epic theatre, I believe, is to remind that us real people aren't tied to fate or a narrative structure that renders freedom meaningless, and we are in fact in control of our lives (workers of the world unite). so ultimately this is me projecting my autistic pedantry through the lens of brecht's theories and criticisms on theatre and art in general.

I may be contradicting myself here. maybe if I looked at it again I'd see that DE aligns with brecht's theories far more than i originally thought. but in conclusion he would have loved disco elysium as a work of literature but not as a piece of theatre, but he would encourage engaging with it as both those things (it is not merely a game it is a novel!) mostly i believe he wouldn't enjoy video games in general. because of his whole verframdungseffekt deal. so yeah

everyone go read Brecht On Theatre: The Development of an Aesthetic, edited and translated by John Willett

rip bertolt brecht you would have hated disco elysium

[gofancyninjaworld]

I've been really annoyed at a lot of takes I see on Reddit and couldn't put my finger on why, but today I realized it's because they have a lot of snobbery towards shounen and assume ONE is making fun of every element of it. which I don't think is true. he pokes fun for sure, but I see a lot of "he's deconstructing the shallow shounen trope of blah blah and ridiculing it" which feels excessively mean. Most of the time someone presents the trope being "deconstructed," it's something shounen already handles with nuance. So it's extra annoying because it sounds like people who don't actually read shounen and just assume everything in OPM is ridiculing it. OPM is definitely subversive, but idk. It reminds me of how people who read "real literature" scoff at YA fiction as if there's no way it could ever tackle nuanced themes. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I guess I just dont wanna think of ONE as being so petty and snobby. What do you think? Maybe i'm too sensitive

Talk about a late, late reply. Sorry!

It's a good observation. I'm not the right person to talk about shonen in detail because I tend to dip in and out of individual titles so there's a lot of nuance I do miss, but you're right, people who dislike a genre tend to lump all its tropes together into an undifferentiated mass.

A slight digression as I introduce you to Boulet, a fantastic French comic strip artist, has a splendid comic collection online (https://english.bouletcorp.com/). Sadly, I'm unable to find the specific strip I have in mind but in it he's imagining how vastly different films would feel if you just kept the camera rolling a little longer. So we get to the aftermath of the Ewoks's victory and see these cute critters dragging the corpses of the Stormtroopers away, mocking some of them... really changes the feel of it. The thing that's different about ONE's handling of shonen tropes in One-Punch Man isn't that he deconstructs them per say -- he loves shonen stories and really has put a lot of thought into how they work -- it's that he keeps the camera rolling. What happens then? So what? What happens as a result? And then? That's what makes it feel like a deconstruction and also serves as the springboard for its seinen genre...

More seriously though, One-Punch Man isn't a parody at its heart: it has a lot of parodic elements but its focus isn't a genre -- it's got bigger things to tackle. ONE does remind me of Terry Pratchett in a way: the Discworld series may have started out as parodies of common fantasy tropes but they quickly outgrew that purpose and the stories became much richer explorations of various aspects of human nature, all while staying fantastic and funny.

I tend to say that ONE parodies heroes -- he loves the weird, contradictory, earnest people who step forward when everyone else avoids trouble and there's a lot of affection for them even as he pokes fun at some of the silliness the superhero genre has thrown up. He satirises corporate culture, and there's a lot of horror that's just put out there without comment for the smart reader to notice and piece together.

It does get annoying when there's fans who claim it can all be understood at a high level and that it needs must be a zero-sum game: if you like OPM, you must disparage the 'standard shonen'. Fortunately, one can simply... ignore the fools. I know I do!

Life is short. You won't stay young forever -- unproductive discourse is something to cut hard and early out of one's life!

[glorified-red]

Do you only read fan fiction or do you also read books?

Like irl?

Made from paper?

Made from trees?

Sorry, I just wanted to remind you of what a real book was like considering it seems like all u do is read (and write) smutty fan fiction

/j

The funniest part about this is I actually rarely read smut :P

I also don't really reach much fanfiction funnily enough. I just don't got the time. Whenever I do have time to read fics, it's usually hurt/comfort or whump related. Smut is only when my mutuals send me stuff.

Which is why we're gonna ignore the Mando smut fics I reblogged earlier 🤭

Plus, I'll always support my other writers on here so I'll read a quick fic whenever I can but it's mostly when I'm sent them or tagged in them.

As for real life books? I think you guys forget I'm an English major sometimes 😂 I have to read books. I'm literally in a nationally funded dictionary project where I have to read Samuel Johnson's dictionary. Do you know how big that thing is???

I have to read Shakespeare, Jane Austen, blah blah blah classic blah blah blah whatever. Hate it.

I actually annotate books for fun tho on my downtime. I have a few books I bought from the library the other day that I burned through and now I gotta go back and get more. I still have to finish annotating a book for a friend ☠️

I was raised on paper books broski. Enough that whenever I go to the library my mom gives me book allowance. Because she always says "no kid of mine is going to spend their money on books, they'll spend my money."

She gets sad when I come home with new books and I forgot to use her credit card. It's actually kinda funny.

[danpuff-ao3]

The Making of: Obscene

For something that is only 1,864 words, Obscene was hell to write.

2022 Kinkuary. Day 23: A/B/O.

After my great accomplishment during 2021 Kinktober (7 works in one month, not bad!!) I was determined to write for Kinkuary. (Spoiler: I only managed 2 works that month.) (Still not too shabby, tbf.)

I had a handful of ideas, all jotted down in a notebook. Of them all, the 2 I completed were my top priorities. The first was The Alchymist II....which is a story in of itself. But that work was a rewrite and repost of a previously deleted fic.

Obscene was new. And while I retain complicated feelings towards The Alchymist series, Obscene is...special.

For one, I really love a/b/o stories, and I'd been wanting to write one. I was also, oddly, scared to write one.

There is a lot of great commentary on the potential of a/b/o stories, with a lot of worldbuilding and as a statement of real life issues. It's valid commentary, and I do love a good a/b/o story that delves into all of that juicy potential.

But I'm not gonna lie to you. I really love the smut.

I love the animalistic urges. I love the dubcon (if not outright noncon) vibe of it. I love the weird biology. I love the built in excuse for mpreg.

And I'm really, really, really into...well...bodily fluids.

I looooove me some bodily fluids in stories. I love the grossness. I love a good mess. I was drooling at the thought of just fully leaning into all the fun bits of a/b/o, or what I really enjoy in them. But let me not get too explicit here. You can read the fic itself for that.

But that drive is what really drove the whole story. And it really gave me my opening:

Never has Severus been so wet outside of heat. 

It’s humiliating; obscene.

There were a few pressures at play. For one, never really having written a/b/o and feeling that people would have expectations of it. How many times I reminded myself it's a fictional construct in a fictional story and I could do whatever the heck I wanted! Secondly, the worry of writing "yet another a/b/o porn." Again: reminder to self, you can write whatever you want. If people want an in-depth exploration of society and biology and blah blah they can do it themselves. Three: the "deadline."

For reference, daily prompt events don't usually have a hard rule about posting on the prompt day. That is primarily my OCD brain being ultra particular and restrictive. I did, in fact, miss the prompt day. Day 23 was a/b/o day. This fic went up on Day 28. But since Day 28 was "free day", I didn't beat myself up too hard over it!

Lastly...I decided to gift this fic to LilaDiurne.

Which presented a whole host of other concerns. Gifting fics can be so scary! Especially when you're gifting works to such a gifted writer. Even more so because Lila has a fabulous a/b/o of her own, Brighter Than Bright. I know Lila enjoys a/b/o, and I knew she wouldn't mind some good a/b/o smut, but...well. I was still daunted.

There were aspects of the story I worried wouldn't be to her liking. I worried the end product wouldn't be good enough. Endless worries and second guessing. But it mattered to me to write this story. And it mattered to me to gift it to a friend.

Every word was hard won. Stress, I find, is very detrimental to my creative process.

And...well...I can admit one last issue. Aside from the stress, when I'm personally...well...into smut, it becomes a challenge to write. Normally because I'm overheated and panting at the screen. How embarrassing!

So...stress + breaks to be horny. A winning combination for the Struggle Bus.

Eventually I completed the dang thing. And edited it to death. And posted it and crossed my fingers that Lila wouldn't hate me or judge me for it. (Silly of me, really. I'm sure she'd have appreciated it even if she hadn't liked the story.)

That Lila did like it was a huge relief to me!

That so many other people liked it, well...that was a shock. A very happy one!

Any fic doing well is great, but especially one you've pulled hair out over! Makes the whole ordeal feel like it was worth it all, in the end.

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Finally finished the new Star Wars trilogy. This is not going to be a deep take, because I don’t care all that much to spend to much energy on deep analysis for it right now. Here’s my thoughts:

In regards to the films themselves, It was okay. it was fun. Last Jedi was overall the most narratively compelling one, Force Awakens was the most fun, “star wars-y” of the three. ROS did kinda suck. Had some cool bits anyway. Finn is a great character. Rey is an okay character who they mishandled in ROS. Reylo is mostly fine, severely underdeveloped by the last act, with a few personal caveats that I don’t feel like hashing out. But it’s not particularly for me. It’s pretty standard faire imo. I get why some found Driver’s Kylo compelling, because the performances from the three of them were consistently solid and emotionally evocative. That said, in the writing I think they pretty consistenly failed to really nail what they wanted to do with him as a character and thus his overall arc suffered for it, no matter what role you want to place him in by the last act.

In regards to the fandom, I’m kind of appalled by the scale of the toxic bullshit considering how ultimately kind of blah and unimportant these films are. I don’t think there’s any real substantial social commentary in them either, but with the way people talked about it, I expected that to be there. It just wasn’t, not really, because shock of all shocks, the people making it were trying to make Star Wars blockbusters to get the most people into seats and to sell toys and merch to children.

In regards to the hot button issue of Kylo and Reylo, honestly I just don’t care. It’s fine and people are fine if they want to like it. It’s nowhere near as bad as some make it out to be on the “abuse” front imo. There’s room for that criticism but I’m just not particularly moved by that take overall, I don’t think it gets to define everyone’s perspective. You’re also fine if it’s not for you or if you don’t like Kylo, or if he reminds you of things that make you uncomfortable. I personally wasn’t comfy with his consistent rage outbursts, but that’s me.

IMO, if you just cannot stop yourself from publicly raging about how you think that Kylo/Reylo fans are garbage because for you, he’s this irredeemable abuser and the girls who like him are badwrong and/or asking to be abused, and/or you really like making and rebloging hate posts and going into stranger’s inboxes because you get a fucking kick out of it, then lol you in this case might actually be the one behaving like an asshole. This is infinately more true if you otherwise engage in fandoms for villains (like Loki, Zemo, Spooky White Man #547, or if you follow my fucking Hellraiser blog where I stan Pinhead for christsake). You aren’t special and I don’t trust people who act one way and then say something else. Fix your shit.

If you think fans of color taking a critical look at the dynamics of Finn’s involvement and fandom’s response to Finn vs. Kylo and their ships with Rey is the same as the above, and therefore you are prone to throwing tears and melodramatics around every time it pops up, then you might be the asshole. You don’t get to decide the context for people of color, and you’re just going to have to live with it if in this case what fictional content you like might make people with different experiences respond negatively. This is a standard critical analysis of any major popular piece of media that needs to happen. Just calm down, absorb what people said, and enjoy what you enjoy while keeping that critical eye in mind when it comes to HOW you engage. ffs. Fix. Your. Shit.

Just as an example regarding all arguments surrounding this, I find a lot of old James Bond movies to be hella sexist. I cannot watch them with the same context that my boyfirend can. Sometimes I have fun, sometimes I argue with the screen (and that can be fun). That doesn’t mean he’s automatically a huge sexist for enjoying them. Furthermore, he’s enough of an adult to listen to me talk about what my context is, and respect and understand where I’m coming from. Sometimes he’s already aware of the issue. Sometimes I have a perspective he never considered. We can sit and talk about the dynamics of this without making eachother miserable, because we do not tie our entire identities to our enjoyment (or lackthereof) of James Bond.

Star Wars is so fucking dumb, ya’ll. I don’t know why everyone regresses into screaming children over it. Kylo is not that important. The idea of attaching this much caustic emotional energy to arguing about this relatively okay work of fiction and this one dude who’s mostly derivative of other dudes like him, and whether it’s okay or not if the one mostly derivative girl heroine can fuck him in other people’s daydreams... is just...astronomically unbelievable to me. Go sit somewhere quiet and enjoy some hot soup.

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 89 - Twice as Bright

Jon: Right. But no more abattoir metaphors, please. Jude: Suppose it’s not really me, is it?

Yeah, too Fleshy.

Jon: I just have a few questions. Did you burn down a section of Gwydir Forest last year? Jude: Not alone, but yes. You should have seen how devastated they were, such a loss. Jon: I’m sure the Forestry Commission were mortified. Why? Jude: Stop that! And it was because Nikola Orsinov asked us to.

Jon doesn't even know what he's doing and Jude is getting all bristly, like a scared cat hissing.

Jon: I just… er, you were a friend of Agnes Montague, correct? Jude: She’s not one of your little stories. Jon: According to the statement of Jack Barnabas, she very much is.

Anyone going to throw things at me if I say "Oooh, burn!" in this context? Because, this is very much an Ooooh burn sort of situation.

Jon: Yes, yes, I understand, you could easily kill me, I’m at your mercy, blah, blah, blah. I have heard it before. And from things much scarier than you.

Jeez, Jon, where's all THIS coming from all of the sudden? Man, I wish I ever went from 'exhaustedly done with the world's shit' to 'I'm giving the world its shit right back!' like that!

Jude: Are you trying to talk me into killing you? If I wanted, I could reach through your chest like runny wax, and hold your heart while it cooked. No-one would even notice, if I didn’t give you time to scream.

Oh god, I love Jude. Every other avatar we've met is all quiet menace until they go full-monster and even then they're just 'JooOoon, coming to fiiiiind youuuu'. And here's Jude just CHEWING the goddamn scenery with relish, cutting things asunder with her edge. I've said this multiple times to people while discussing TMA but Jude is just basically the navy seal copypasta of avatardom and I'm enjoying her so much right now!

Jude: Hard to say. When I look at you I feel that burning liquid pain, eager to flow out and purify your rotten carcass, but I feel that a lot. Jon: Oh. M-More or less than normal? Jude: Hard to say when every nerve ending’s on fire. Hard to tell degrees. Jon: Third degree, maybe?

I cannot tell you which of the two I want to squeal at more right now. I adore this entire dialogue so much.

Jude: Oh please, your god is nothing! The Eye, Beholding, Ceaseless Watcher, whatever you call it, that’s all it does, it watches and knows, sitting bulbous and comfortable in the ignorance of infinite knowledge. I serve a reckoning, a surging tide of destruction and pain.

Okay, but you still react like a cat that's been sprayed with water whenever Jon asks you a question, Jude, love, you're not fooling anyone...

Jude: The unfathomable contest of eternal forces is not the only reason I might want someone dead.

This is important right here. Obviously the idea that avatars are still their own people, regardless of the Entity they serve, became really obvious somewhere along the line, but at this point in my first go I was still basically thinking in terms of "Hm, well, this power and that power interact in this way... wait, that makes no sense..." and sort of discounting that it's not always ABOUT the powers, despite how obvious that was!

Jon: Statement of Jude Perry, regarding… some advice.

Jon just vacillates wildly between fear and being so DONE with Jude's bullshit and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Jude: The pain is sensational. You feel your flesh cooking, your nerves screaming out as they die exquisitely. Your whole body changes texture as you become that which feeds the fire. In that agonising, beautiful transformation, you can feel it ignite again and again and again.

Okay, now she's just making self-immolation sound tempting...

It was Agnes, of course. I don’t know where she found me, I only remember sitting in a booth with a beautiful young woman who smelled like matches and incense.

Well, someone's certainly smitten...

And with each act of glorious, hateful destruction, I felt my god’s love embrace me, consume me, give me life. Any feelings of pity or mercy I might have had for the poor woman I fed from were cauterised.

Ah, come on, like they existed to need cauterising in the first place...

And so I ended it. For all the agony and pain on Gretchen’s face, she didn’t seem surprised when I doused myself in kerosene and set it alight. I think she screamed. She must have screamed.

Tbh, Gretchen may have been traumatised for life but Jude seems to have lost interest in her after, so that was probably fucking lucky for poor Gretchen here.

Jon: Michael? (...) Corridors, weird limbs, laughs like a… headache? Jude: What? No. He’s pale, got a big, weird scar. Smells of, um… Jon: Oh, ozone! Jude: Yeah, that’s the one. Hangs around with the Fairchilds sometimes.

I love that the podcast is lampshading the fact that they've got two recurring characters named Michael (AND one Mikaele on top but at least he's usually referred to by his last name). I wonder at what point Johnny went "Whoops, I may have created a confusion." (I mean, not that it's unrealistic, my UK friend group-and-adjacent-people had enough Andrews, Johns and Matts that they basically all ended up with weird nicknames but it's just a bad idea to have identical names in fiction.)

Jude: Come on. It won’t hurt. (...) I lied. Jon: - SCREAMING IN INCREASING AGONY -

I mean, first of all, duh, yeah, OF COURSE SHE LIED! But also, Johnny is not a bad actor. The scream reminded me a little of that one time that my partner managed to scald a hand with boiling water while making tea (one of the worst sounds I've ever heard, incidentally, would like to not hear that again.)

My impression of this episode

First of all, I adore Jude. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean I'd be friends with her (I mean, duh, she was despicable as a human being and is now a fully devoted servant of the Entity-of-torment-and-loss, having near-orgasms over the idea of making people suffer, so...) but as a character she's just so beautifully over the top! It's fun! And Jon's interaction with her is incredibly interesting because, well, this may be the first time that Jon meets anything Entity-adjacent that is actually afraid of HIM (and yeah, Jude may be putting on a tough act, but she seems fucking terrified.) That was just really fun to watch, to be honest. A little bit of ... vicarious power fantasy, perhaps, at least until Jude turns the tables again. This was just a really enjoyable episode!

[popculturebuffet]

Amphibia: Night Drivers/Return to Wartwood Review “Many Happy Returns”

Hello you happy people. And Amphibia is back and that means my reviews are back! As for why this reviews a bit late despite it leaking, I wanted to wait for today, and long story short both focused on finishing a review that WASN’T time senstive, instead of finishing it Sunday, and overestimated how much time i’d have to do two reviews on a day that included my first covid shot, grocery shopping, helping mom clean the car, and my friend coming over to watch Judas and the Black Messiah. Excellent film by hte way, as was the Sound of Metal which we watched after. Point is I done goofed and I will try to at the very least actually get the reviews of the episodes out on the same day they come out. 

But slip up or not i’m happy to be back in the saddle, and back to Wartwood. I’m pumped for the heavier second half, with more secrets to uncover, some zelda style temple action, and some heavy drama with just a whiff of keith david, as well as to see the supporting cast from Wartwood again after far too long. So how’d the mid-season premire pair fair? Join me under the cut to find out. 

Night Drivers: I was really excited by the Road Trip idea when first announced for season 2. A chance to expand the world and get the plantars out of their comfort zone was an amazing concept and it did lead to some really great stories and interesting locales.. mixed with episodes that had interesting locations but no interesting plot or character stuff. It was a mixed bag, and disappointing after close to a year’s wait to continue the plot that it really didn’t outside of “Toadcatcher”. Anne never really dealt with her trauma and the show never dealt with hop pop’s poularity or anything else. Again there were GOOD episodes and ideas but it felt like the show stalled for a good chunk of the season till we got to Netwopia which while still having tons of slice of life stuff felt a lot fresher with it, and had a lot more fun playing with stock plots and gave us a fresh new setting to dig into. 

So I was a bit hesitant to go back to the road for an episode.. even if it was just one episode. Thankfully I was very wrong there as Night Drivers was a pretty good episode and would fit well among the best of the road trip arc like “Truck Stop Polly” “Fort in the Road” “Anne Hunter” “Toadcatcher” and “Wax Museum”.

The plot is straightforward: Sprig and Polly are excited that their almost home to wartwood and if Anne and Hop Pop drive all night they’ll be there by morning. Polly will get pillbug pancakes and Sprig will see Ivy again. This is part of a long tradtion of “skiping over the journey home because we’re tired and we wanna go home” in fiction. Jokes aside it’s a resonable device used to prevent ending fatigue and in this case to free up episodes for the second half. We already saw the journey once, we usually don’t need to see it again. To Amphibia’s credit they have valid reasons for it: The journey is LITERALLY sped up, as Hop Pop and Anne have been driving for 20 hours straight.. and their on a timer. As was established last time.. well the last time that wasn’t a spooky halloween episode, The Plantars have to get back for the harvest and really don’t have time to sightsee, while they all have to be there for whenever Marcy comes back to take Anne to the first temple. They’ve also traveled these roads before so while their going a whole other directoin, they know what perils to avoid. 

But as anyone whose taken a long cartrip can tell you, you can’t shotgun it forever and the two eventually tap out with Hop Pop telling Sprig and Polly not to night drive as it’s dangerous and blah blah blah standard parental warning that will be swiftly ignored. So once Hop Pop and Anne are conked out they swiftly ignore it after we get their dreams.. which are the best gags of the episode: Hop Pop has a dream with weird, really cool looking monsters that represent his faults, only for it to turn Lucid and him to start flying and take his shirt off and whip it around Muscle Man style. 

While Anne’s is about a yogurt world where there’s only one flavor... BLACK LICORICE. Yeah it quickly turns from Shopkins to the Lich From Adventure Time really fucking quick. 

So while Anne has a nightmare and Hop Pop becomes unto a god, Sprig and Polly drive all night, repreadtly running into a creepy hitchiker and realizing it is as dangerous as they said with bolders, even worse creatures than usual because of course theye’d be a lot of nasty things lurk in the dark why wouldn’t they on froggy death world, a nightmarish fog and nearly dying on said foggy road they took to evade the hitchiker. Naturally the scary hook handed hitchiker.. is a friendly one, simply trying to help them and saving them from going over a cliff. They do make it three miles from Wartwood and Hop Pop wakes up angry to find they disobeyed him.. but Anne gets him to back off as they clearly learned their lesson from the sleep deprviation and nearly dying, and our heroes head for home. 

Night Drivers isn’t an exceptional episode, but it is decent and still does belong with the other good road trip episodes, with some good dream sequences and a nice dynamic between Sprig and Polly. It was nice to have an episode with the two that was good unlike Quarallers Pass which made me want to run full speed into my nearest wall until I was given the sweet gift of unconciousness. While the Hook Handed man thing was a bit obvious it lead to some great gags. It’s a nice breather after the tearjerking mid-season finale and while we’ve obviously had months and a haloween episode between that, the creators rightfully realized a lot of people will be binging the series in the future. The issue I had with the first quarter of the season was it was ALL break and only a little plot progression. Here we’ve had a lot of plot progression in the last episode chronlogically, and are going to have a lot in the coming episodes with ‘After the Rain” coming next week. It’s nice to take a break and see the forest for the hook handed ghosts.

Return to Wartwood: I was excited and terrified of this one. I was excited because I missed the supporting cast from season one, mostly Ivy and Maddie, and was delighted to see them again in full. But I was also worried the show might pull out a melancholy breakup plot and having gotten attached to Ivy/Sprig and Hop Pop/Sylvia I was worried. And I was delightfully wrong as instead it’s another breather episode and an utterly fantastic one after the simply decent one above. 

Our heroes return, without being drawn by rob liefield or replaced by the Squadron Supreme first, and are happily greeted by the town. Aformentoined fears died a happy death as Sylvia squeezes Hop Pop and as for Sprig, Ivy unsuprisingly ambushes him. Everyone’s back and the Mayor, who I also badly missed is back using Toadie as a gong to get everyone back to buisness, with Swampy inviting them for a big dinner at his diner that night to celebrate and welcome them back.. and to give out their gifts. 

Sprig and Anne are equally confused while Polly and Hop Pop are sweating bullets. Turns out when they got the Fwagon they agreed to get a bunch of stuff for the town and forgot and now everyone’s on the hook for it and want to lie their butts off to solve it. In a nice show of character development, Anne has learned that the lying never solves anything “I think we’ve learned that lesson by now”. After SO many plots of the characters lying and it going terribly, it’s nice to have someone speak up. Sprig also wants to lie but only becuase he’s deeply afraid Ivy will break up with him as she wanted a Red Sun shell to go with the blue moon shell she gave him. Awwww. And oh crap. 

So our heroes head home to plan and kick Chuck out (“I grew tulips”). So they do the natural thing... and decide to summon an edltich beast from the necronomicon... which of course Maddie gave Sprig as a present (”Aww that’s nice”. Agreed Polly, agreed.). I also can’t help but love the line “We’re all cull with practicing the dark arts to solve our problem right?” So our heroes get the proper summoning horn, thing to go with the horn and some candles.. i’ts not part of the ritual but Anne says it helps with ambience and it’s right. 

So our heroes summon the Chikalisk, an edltich god that’s naturally basalisk in all but name, which dosen’t attack unless attacked and goes after gold. So they fake some golden presents, and the beast attacks at the party.. but the town naturally fights back, and our heroes are forced to help fight the monster as it stonifies people. So we get a truly glorious battle sequences as the whole town shows off how badass they are, with Maddie curing people, Sylvia showing she can keep up with Hop Pop and Ivy showing her already established badass bonafieds. It’s just awesome. Also the Mayor uses Toadie as a shield not realizing he’s turned to stone which can only remind me of this. 

Once the townsfolk are freed they get into Chickalisk formation (”We have a formation for that?” “We have a formation for everything!”) And it’s offended enough to just nope out. The townsfolk are depressed though the presents got destroyed and Anne glares the family into coming clean. And while the mayor seems mad at first... he just laughs with everyone taking it in stride: It was boring without them getting into trouble and learning lessons every week, and they missed them.  Ivy likewise dosen’t care about a gift she just missed her boyfriend.. and asks Sprig to take her on a proper date and smooches him on the cheek leaving both him and Anne catatonic, with Polly dragging Anne away and sprig just falling over before Maddie hits him with the potion. It dosen’t work that way, end episode. 

Return To Wartwood was a standout episode, with tons of great jokes, pacing and a nice plot that showed growth in anne. While Night Drivers was decent, this was the show at it’s : Sweet, deranged and adventurous all in one episode. While Night Drivers was a good appitizer this was one hell of an entree. Or an appetizer sampler which I often use as an entree. Great episode and a nice high note to start on. 

Next Time: We get an Ivy focused episode!

And Hop Pop is finally forced to own up to his lies!

As the twin kermits sooth you if you liked this review, follow me for more, check the amphibia tag for more reviews from this season and join me on patreon. If I get another patreon, i’ll add reviewing season 1 to my 25 dollar stretch goal so look out for that and my next one at 20 dollars, only 5 dollars away, nets a monthly review of a darkwing duck episode. Check it out and i’ll see you at the next rainbow. 

[funny-house]

Hey so um about Mirror Man theories / analysis I have finally decided to say something kinda important I think it’s fair I explain where my perspective comes from and at least tell you... something i’ve sorta been pushing down. like, i’m clearly doing that Thing again where i’m taking on everyone else’s perspective and forgetting to give my own so let me,, be honest

even though i think i’ve been avoiding it because i’m kinda outing myself on some personal junk but i feel like i need to explain and not just suddenly shut well intentioned people out for no reason

what I happen to have a lot of experience with is being with, or watching others be with a narcissistic abuser partially from personal experience with my weirdo family, but mostly because i used to attend a group that happened to teach about it. If someone was in that group for a severe relationship problem, being beaten or stalked or emotionally tortured--- odds are? they were dealing with a very specific kind of narcissist. So i overheard it again and again and again and again// I know the terms, i know the signs, i know the motives, i know the aftermath, blah

so despite how much i seem to be Excessively Fixated on this dumb mirror clay man-- there’s this barrier where i don’t want to feel too bad for him. I can totally.... cartoon-ify him!! and draw him, and talk about him in a very fictional way-- I treat him like a villain character. that’s why i outright call him a villain sometimes, despite him....... literally being a pretty realistic take on an abusive dad but i feel the need to keep this emotional distance from him and then i will absolutely vilify the guy the minute his relations with his family come up. Even though he isn’t..... real. lmao but when I’m asked to sympathize with him, even indirectly, as if he’s a realistic person? I do kinda get super uncomfortable. I’m way more comfortable when I speak about him in a way that reminds whoever's reading this that mirror man’s character is A Really Bad Dude even if it’s in a joke, like i just feel the need to passively remind over and over because that’s what i had to do when I was literally interacting with people who were in abusive relationships with narcissists. I feel responsible for my words, like if I say the wrong thing you might get the impression Mirror Man, a very vicious abuser who has hurt both his wife and his child, is..... “capable of being nice if you fix him.” .......  And then woops, they’ve run back to their ex.

and it’s not because you guys did anything wrong! I’ve literally told you to talk to me about it while at the same time i’ve been actively fighting this.... impulse to just ignore or be... not nice about the subject? idk I mean lmao-- i’m not a doctor but I am technically an adult, let me try to have some emotional intelligence and accept other perspectives here but--

i admit, it’s not a lot of fun for me because ummm I literally learned from being around groups like that to Never Show A Narcissist Sympathy Never Believe Them When They Say They’re Sorry Narcissist don’t change, they only pretend to learn, and they don’t accept criticism for ANY reason.

and i didn’t learn that from their words, i learned it from their stories. So I don’t agree that Mirror Man was ever apologizing, ever expressing remorse. I’ve SEEN that behavior. It’s a lie. The sheer complexity of this kinda guy’s manipulation tactics.......... it can’t be exaggerated. The way they laugh their apology and fall back on their mental health problems as an excuse- JUST in a single sentence? So fast you barely catch it? I’ve seen that, and i gotta say, i’d be surprised if Jack doesn’t have some sort of personal experience because that is spot on.

and that sticks with you yknow???  So I see Mirror Man and i’m just like OH HECK SOUND THE ALARMS  we got another one everybody!!! but i also love to write characters!! so i DO understand how he got that way, i understand what his thought process is, and it’s SO interesting to depict and write about

like, i could open a Mirror Man rp blog, and be totally ok writing him. but if I’m writing him, i’m comfortable because i can control the narrative, ofc,, so I can make sure he isn’t unusually nice, that he’s... villain-like

so idk.

this is a jumbled mess and i’m going to cry i don’t feel like i’m explaining myself well um because it’s not that i don’t love hearing about Mirror Man! lmao I clearly do, i sure talk about the video enough but i’m not sure...... how to explain what I don’t want to talk about. I just hope this gives you some vague idea?

so from now on if i ever don’t reply to something Mirror Man related you said? I’m super sorry, really i am but you might have said something to make me uncomfortable? and i’m just going to stop making myself uncomfortable for no reason like the dumbass doormat i am,,,

[an-american-whovian]

• The Story Thus Far:

I review 'Doctor Who: Series 1 (2005)' -- or where all this modern shit got started -- whilst I developed an UNHEALTHY obsession with this godforsaken show.

Like, yea, I saw some episodes from Classic Who on public access television as a young fart, prior; and, unfortunately, already had watched the finale to Series 2 by the time I decided to start at the beginning.

Let's just do this fer continuities sake!

• All the Good Shit and There's a Lot of It:

Firstly, two words: Christopher Eccleston. It's a shame that he only had the one season (and then was followed by David Tennant's Tenth Doctor. Which, let's face it, took the ball -- AND RAN WITH IT).

Either way, not enough can be said about how legit he is as the Doctor. Funny, intense, caring, blah, blah, blah -- you get it, he does it all.

Then there's Rose. In retrospect, I don't think she, or Billie Piper fer that matter, gets enough credit. She's super dope as a chav-esque character -- who shows so much growth as the series progresses. Really good chemistry with Eccleston. That scene in 'The Unquiet Dead' in which Nine tells her she looks "beautiful"? Fantastic (pun intended). Especially when he follows it with that whole, "for a human" line. Genius shit.

Let's not forget her relationship with Noel Clarke's Mickie Smith. (Like, I could totally see those two dating.)

John Barrowman, tho', as Captain Jack zee roguish swashbuckling time agent!? Perfection.

Biggest highlights fer me have to be 'Rose', 'The End of the World', 'Dalek' (this story NEVER gets old) and 'Fathers Day'. I don't think 'Boom Town' gets enough credit, too.

Like, yea, 'Aliens of London'/'World War 3' kinda suck -- and the Slitheen are super corny; but, 'Boom Town' is such a nice and personal story. That restaurant scene is so legit and I almost actually feel bad fer Margaret as the story unfolds.

Then it goes ahead and leads into, which I'll be as so bold to say, one of the best series finales AND regeneration stories ever: 'Badwolf' and 'The Parting of the Ways'. Just pure epic balls to the wall science fiction. Dalek fleets! The Doctor with his back against the wall and EVERYTHING stacked against him!? Russell T Davies really outdid himself.

Like, c'mon, Lynda (with a y's) death!? That one dude asking out a girl before taking on an army of Daleks KNOWING THEY'RE GOING TO PRO'LY DIE? Patterson Joseph being a coward (always wanted to see him take a shot AS the Doctor)? The Doctor tricking Rose into going back home and leaves her alone with the TARDIS!? OR HIS REGENERATION GOODBYE TO HER!? Fuck. 😭

I cry -- everytime.

• The Stuff That's Basically Just There 'Cause Let's Face it -- This Series is Perfect:

'Unquiet Dead' is a decent story. The Slitheen two parter is just pure B movie cornyness. Like, I love farts -- but those episodes could've ruined them fer me. 'The Long Game' is alright, as well (it's mostly just there to remind us of what a piece of shit Adam is).

HOWEVER, this one is gonna be controversial: I think 'The Empty Child'/'The Doctor Dances' are SO FUCKING OVERRATED. I'm not saying they're terrible. FAR FROM IT. I mean, the episodes give us Captain Jack -- and I'll take them over ANYTHING in series 11 or 12.

They're just alright, tho'.

I don't get it.

Lastly, I always wished they wouldn't have killed off Clive in that first episode. Like, he would've been a cool comeback character/one time companion. That might just be me, tho'.

(Like, I, also, feel that way about Will Sasso's character from the TV Movie.)

• The Point in Which Yer Almost Done Reading This Rambling:

It's not debatable and/or even subjective: Series 1 of Doctor Who is A CLASSIC.

SURE some of the jokes don't land and some of the effects are dated (I mean, DW has never been known to be the pinnacle of special effects); but EVERYTHING ELSE just meshes -- SO WELL. Great fun time and space traveling entertainment.

I revisit it all the time. So should you! (Yer pro'ly still under quarantine -- so do it. You can go ahead and skip that second season of 'The Umbrella Academy' while yer at it. Snoozefest 2020, yo.)

I'd give it four out of four stars -- but that wouldn't do it enough justice. Give it all the stars in the universe.

ALL OF THEM.

Ps. Cant wait to see what Eccleston does over in BigFinish! Woot.

[madmadmilk]

Return to Sender | Tom Holland x Reader

Pairing: Tom Holland x Yours Truly (You)

Summary: A letter made out of love and loyalty. It’s your choice to press post, send, delete, or save to drafts. The only thing we’ll never know is if he decides to read it or not.

Warnings: cursing, (lowkey highkey) angst, and a fair amount of delusion

Word Count: 1.8K over the character count

-

How to read: First Person POV, so read this as yourself first and foremost. Then read this as his good friend, read this as someone who saw him yesterday, read this as someone you haven’t see in a long time, read this as someone who has nevermet him, read this as someone who has only known him through the lens of social media... read this as someone who has a lot to say but will never send it.

-

Hey Thomas,

I must have written this over a thousand times, and I know it’ll never be just right.I just feel weird calling you Tom over this absurdly long, formal message, and Thomas kinda just looked better to me. And, blah, I know this could never change your mind, or make you see me any differently, but it doesn’t hurt to try, right?

Let’s get the hard part over with.

There’s about three things I’m absolutely positive about. First, you’re amazing. Fucking, brilliant. Second, there’s a part of you–– my wishful thinking, I suppose–– that I know, cares about me or could. And third, hah, I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you.

Yeah, I totally just took that from Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight, but you know what?? I gotta pay homage to how fiction and storytelling has always left a significant impression on me. Fluttery stories of love and hope and strength and cute brunettes–– all leads to you.

And I’m joking and rambling now, I know, but it doesn’t make it mean any less.

I love you.

Truthfully, I don’t even know where thatstarted. Was it when I saw you fight impossible odds during a tsunami as a boy? Or when you trained to spin webs and do back-flips and shit. Did I notice this affection through your first appearance in the MCU? The second, or even the third? Did I realize it when I found your instagram, and finally let myself follow? That time when you mistook your hair gel for toothpaste…? Or when I caught your livestream at the Right Time? When you looked right at me, and I let myself believe?

I don’t think I’ll really ever know whenthis started. I only know what I want and wish to happen now.

Through the videos, posts, movies, interviews and experience, I just… I just feel like you’ve always been there for me. You’ve always been someone I could fall back on–– look back on. I open my phone, and you’re right there. Beneath my fingertips, first in my search bar, bright on my lock screen. You’ve always been.

I look for your voice before I sleep, and I imagine the sights and sounds when I see new pictures of you. All I can do afterwards is wish I were there with you.

That’s all I want.

All I want is to leave an impression on you, to have something that lets you remember me. After that, I can let go and rest forever, if I knew I could mean anything to you.

I draw you, write about you, read about you, dedicate a whole blog to you–– and still wonder if it’s too little or too much.

(Side note: does it weird you out? Seriously, let me know and I’ll halt productions.)

Gah, it’s staggering to think that we are worlds away from one another; that we could meet tomorrow and then never again. Or how often I see your face, and never know how often you see mine––

I don’t let myself think of that most days.

You’ve brought me so much peace and happiness just knowing you.

My view is one-sided and biased and rosy. It’s limited, blurry, and lacking. There’s so much I don’t know about you, so much I wantto know about you.

And that’s what keeps this going.

The hope.

Or some shit.

I wonder if you would tell me if you had a girlfriend, or boyfriend, or someone special. I wonder how that would make me feel, or if that could make these feelings stop…. Hah, but I don’t think that would take anything away from me.

You’ll still be you.

You’ll still be that sticky boy who’s kind and generous and cute and funny and good to his family and friends.

You’ll always be that to me.

Not that I’d refuse to believe that someone else completes you or supports you better than I can, but I’ll always have the warmth you’ve given me. They could love you more than me, be closer to you than me, be better than me, and that’s alright.

Because all I want is for you to be happy.

If you are, then so am I.

And that’s love, I suppose.

It’s something selfless, it’s something that’s kind of like a hobby. You enjoy it and you endure it. You build it, you tear it down. You want to share it, but keep it to yourself. And no matter what happens, you learn and grow from it…

Oof.

I do hope you continue to share these things with me. No real pressure, of course. It’s your life to take control of. You deserve your privacy first and foremost, and time away from the public and social media. You deserve the time to recharge and reorient yourself after long trips and interviews and work hours–– we all do.

I just hope you decide to continue to share the snippets of life that you do.

It’s a lovely world to be a part of.

I love that you share so much with your family and friends. I love seeing your cute lil dog and snaps of places you call home. I love seeing how you spend your night out, and the sporadic nature of it all. I love that you can’t use instagram stories for shit. And I love that you continue to try anyway.

That’s something I’ve always really liked about you.

You don’t give up when you can’t do something. You’ll post the same thing twice to get it right. You keep your cool and roll with the jokes. You laugh at yourself when appropriate. You stand up for yourself when things go too far. You try your best while we all are watching. You try even harder even when we’re not.

I really respect that.

And I’ve gone so far off track from what I came here to say, I don’t even know if you’ve bothered to read this far. There’s just a few more things left, I promise.

I just need to say that I’m sorry for being a pest. For lurking so far up your ass and hitting the bottoms of your feeds so much. For applying more pressure than you need. For reading fakey gossip and making bold assumptions. For forgetting that you’re human just like me.

I’ve made these mistakes, and I don’t know how to make them right. I’m still out here learning too––

And what I’ve realized is that to move forward, I have to  step away.

I see your posts and fawn, and then I have to turn and leave. Suppress the urges to tease and make fun, to shout profanities, to post about what I wish I could do to you or you to me.

A well wish is all I can give you.

“Have a nice day,” and “Do your best,” is so fucking vanilla but it’s what I want you to hear from me. Something soft, loving and easy.

Something that will undoubtedly go unnoticed.

And I’m fine with that (most days).

You don’t have to acknowledge me, you don’t have to recognize me.

Because I want you, but I don’t.

I don’t know what would happen if thisbecame real. If you suddenly become realto me in my real life. Real, real, real. It’s seriously unimaginable.

Not because I’m me or anything.

But because you’re you.

I can picture myself beside you, but I doubt you could with me.

That sounds so pathetic but–– I don’t know!

I’ll never know, unless youtell me. Or I tell you and you tell me. Or we end up in one of those fanfiction slow-burn roommate!AUs. Unrealistic, but romantic.

And this is the point of it all, I guess.

I want to tell you, “hey! I love you!” because I have to know what could happen next. Not that I’m expecting anything grandiose. I’m just hoping for a chance that you’ll listen to me and accept the feelings I’m giving you.

I just want you to hear me, so I can get rid of it.

So here, take it! Here it is! Do with my heart what you will!

I’m sick of hiding behind a screen, but too scared to show you my face.

Just take this pretty moment, remember me like this, and let me know what you think in 5-7 business days.

I’ll be waiting like I always have. Never too high on my toes or too relaxed in my bed. Leave it all to chance–– Can you believe I don’thave notifications set up for you?

You don’t own me!

And now that I’ve managed to give you a hard time figuring out what to do with my feelings, I’ll move on to the last part.

Happy Birthday, Tom Holland.

I’m so happy to have seen you grow on-screen and off. I’m incredibly proud of your achievements, and baffled by your impact. Keep fucking growing, dude! This is your time to thrive. All with your bare fucking hands. Fucking wild.

I can’t even compare myself to you––

But anyway, I hope you’ve had a nice day or night or whatever the hell. Please get some good rest tonight and tomorrow night, and all the nights onward. Take time to take care of yourself and brush your teeth.

And thank you for being your being here for me.

I hope you can take my words and turn it into strength and support, no matter how you deem to view it. It’s only to remind you that someone cares, after all.

Yeah, so before I dig myself a deeper hole, I’ll end this letter here. A reply would mean the world to me, and even if you don’t, I wouldn’t hold it against you.

You’re a busy guy, I know.

Thanks, Tom.

You have all my love.

Sincerely,

Yours Truly

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A/N: and that’s it!  really raw and kinda exposing who i am lol. You can make your own assumptions of what happened next. What perspective did you read this in? Did you actually send the letter? Did he reply? (is the reply the title of this fic?) Hahaha, I don’t really know what this is. I just felt like writing a love letter. Please let me know what you think! Did it work? Did it make sense? Thanks for reading :)

Please like, comment, reblog, subscribe and turn on bell notifications!! Haha

Peace out ✌🏼

Madmadmilk

[sbwriel-cymraeg]

Eddie Kaspbrak deserved better.

Let me start with this. IT, written by Stephen King, made into a movie in 2017 and then another in 2019, about a clown with a big forehead, who likes dining on children, and gets his ass kicked by a group of teenage misfits (and then again when said misfits are just about past their midlife crisis). It's a horror, it's creepy and it's gross, now you see, I don't do horrors. I'm an absolute wuss. I can't even walk into a creepy abandoned building without a plank of wood in my hand for protection, and at least two people on either side of me who would obviously be kidnapped first (and that gives me enough time to scream and run away). Anyway, I don't like horrors. So you can probably guess that there was no way in hell, or earth, that I would be watching something that involved a terrifying monster who drools as much as a bulldog (he should seriously get that checked). No way I was going to read the book, as much as I love reading, and wouldn't even consider the original from the 90s although the 90s rules the movie scene (don't argue, we all know Jurassic Park is the best movie of all time). But the thing was, I have a friend, and he can be very persuading (in the form of pizza and snacks) and also, I'm a huge McAvoy fan, and James Ransone, I've never seen that guy before but well, when I saw him in the trailer, hello handsome. And don't get me started on Bill Hader, man do I fancy that bloke... Anyway I'm going off topic. So blah blah, we end up sitting down one night, with our buffet and many cups of tea, and weirdly, we start watching IT Chapter 2 first, because he wanted to see it since it was new. I go into it with no bloody clue what was going on, who was who, why parents would let their kid out in the rain by themselves, or how nobody noticed a load of bodies leaking out of the sewer. I was asking alot of questions. But, here's the thing. Onto the whole point of this rant. Eddie Kaspbrak. Eddie Spaghetti. Eds. The cute, little, angry man who instantly caught my attention (not just by the fact that Mr Ransone is a handsome S.O.B). From the moment he sped down the road in his posh jeep, yelling at other drivers (I feel your pain Eds) to crashing said posh jeep because he was distracted by a phone call (bad Eddie!) He instantly stole my 28 year old, attracted to dark and handsome older men, heart. Of course, I had no clue about these characters, all I saw was cute, angry man, funny dork with glasses, red headed lady, that guy from New Zealand, man who lasted five seconds, handsome librarian, and Professor X, and of course that clown that lives in the drain. So, as the movie went on, Eddie became my number one (Richie following behind in second). I learnt all about him from my friend, and more about him during the film, and couldn't help but feel sorry for the little bastard. He had a wife that I could tell he didn't love who treated him like doodoo, as a kid his dearest mom was overprotective, controlling and gave him freaking placebos to make him think he was ill (the fuck Mrs K?), that made him so nervous about getting sick and paranoid beyond belief, and I mean, his job wasn't the most exciting. Not to mention he has anxiety worse than a nun in a whore house, and was obviously afraid the most out of the group. And then, AND THEN, the film decides to drop some hints about Richie. Ah, dearest Richie, who has perfect taste in men. He's in love with Eddie. In. Freaking. Love with him. You could tell by the way he was so protective of him, constantly made fun of him (we all know that's how dudes get their crushes attention) and of course, R + E. So, of course, nearing the end of the movie, there's me grinning like an idiot, having the thought of Eddie and Richie getting out of the final fight untouched, Richie declaring his undying love for his Eddie Spaghetti, Eddie admitting his feelings for his Trashmouth, getting a kiss in there, Eds declaring he was divorcing him moth- sorry, wife, and the two walking into the sunset to start a new life together, in a nice cottage in the hills, getting married, having three kids, five dogs, ten cats, and living happily ever after. But then, my hopes and dreams were shattered. Stephen, I'm looking at you. They killed Eddie. THEY KILLED EDDIE! EDDIE! Out of all the FREAKING characters they could have booted off, they chose Eddie the rage monster, the little man with a big personality, the least deserving to freaking die in my opinion. Stephen, how could you? How could you?! Why did he have to die? Why did they have to end his life that way? Why couldn't he have a happy ending like the rest of the Losers? Not including Richie of course. Oh no, they didn't just fuck Eddie over, they also fucked over Richie. Killing the love of his life, right after he saves him, bleeding all over his big ass glasses, calling his name softly, looking at him with his big, brown eyes. Yep, Richie probably went home after the Kissing Bridge and thought about Eddie every damn day of his life. But no, they didn't just kill Eddie, oh no no, they went a step further. They left his body to rot in the sewers. Yes Andy, I'm glaring at you, you evil, evil man. They didn't take the route that Mr King took in his book, or from the original IT movie (yes I watched that later on too) no, Mr A decided to have Eddie die all alone whilst the Losers finished off Pennywise, then have Richie go back and see his dead body, freak out and have hope that they can save him, hug him tight, and not let him go. And then, oh boy, and then, they have Mike and Ben literally FORCE Richie off of Eddie, and DRAG him out of the sewers. WITHOUT EDDIE. I'm sorry Mr Andy, but tell me, how could they, Eddie's best friends, the ones who were always there for him, who they loved and adored, leave Eddie there in the sewers, all alone, in the dark, dirty, graveyard that would have had Eddie crying at the thought? It didn't make ANY sense to me. If Ben and Mike had the strength to drag a struggling, six foot something Richie away from Eddie, then surely they could have picked Eddie up between them, and got him out of there. If I was Richie, I would have decked the lot of them, Losers or not. And that's where I got pretty darn mad. Eddie didn't deserve that shit. For one, he didn't deserve to die. And two, he didn't deserve to be left down there, to slowly decay. He should have been pulled out by his friends, Richie could have had a moment with him, Eddie could have been given a funeral where his friends, and especially Richie could have said goodbye. Then, they'd have had somewere where they could memorialise him, go back and place flowers and silly things like inhalers and red shorts on his headstone, have a get together and remember him and talk to him, somewhere where Richie could always go to, knowing that Eddie was put to rest properly, and somewhere were he could sit and cry to himself, remembering all the fucking good times they had as kids and how god damn hard he fell for the crazy little shit. But, nah, we'll just leave him in the sewers, under a collapsed house, somewhere the Losers wouldn't want to visit again, somewhere they can't have a funeral, can't put Eddie to rest, somewhere that has too many bad memories and would remind everyone of how exactly Eddie lost his life. So yeah, you can say I'm pretty mad about all of that. I know he's a fictional character, but damn, he didn't deserve that shit. Neither did Richie. And to make it worse, when I watched the first movie afterwards, Eddie was just as freaking hilarious, and ridiculous as his older self. Little Eddie was a force to be reckoned with, he was definitely still my favourite even as a kid. The dude who played him, huge kudos to him. How could you not like tiny Eddie? It also showed me a lot more about how Eddie grew up, by that I mean how his mother really did treat him, and boy did I hate the fact that he died even more! So yeah, I may have gone off on one a tad... I couldn't help myself, Eddie Kaspbrak has now got a big place in the fictional character side of my heart. Just goes to show just how much actors can make an impact on people's lives, and how real they make them seem! So, I've said my part, and it's pretty obvious what I think about the ending to Mr Spaghetti's story. Encase you didn't get how I feel about it, it sucked. Eddie Kaspbrak should have lived. Should have had a second chance, especially with Richie! Not all movies follow the ending of books, so why did this one have to? Why did Ben and Redhead get to have a happily ever after and Richie and Eddie didn't? Why didn't they at least make his death meaningful and give him the send off he deserved? In other words, Eddie deserved better. That should be the motto of the movie. That's me signing off, I'm going to go be mad somewhere else, because I'll never get over this movie. I'm a huge fan now, but man, the ending was as bad as Bill's endings. Oh and uh, fuck you Pennywise. Oh, also, if anyone's going to Wales Comic con this Saturday (you should, because James Ransone will be there, I know right, what are the chances?) come say hi. I'll be dressed in a yellow raincoat and green wellies, holding a red balloon... Don't ask why, I just like the colours. See you later, Losers.

[kittyxjordelia]

Details for that kitty au? Sounds interesting

aww thx im glad u think so but get ready for dissapointment and garbage storyteling bc i got way too distracted way too quickly.

THIS IS FOR EVERYONE WHO WANTED MORE DEETS ON THE RED WHITE AND ROYAL BLUE AU (this is largely based on the book but nothing hugely spoilery)

Also reminder: yo my inbox is always open so if u wanna ask me the most random shit possible i will respond bc it makes me feel happy that someone is curious about my opinions and ideas

The Blackthorn’s mom is the pres, not their dad

Julian, Livvy, Ty, Dru, and Tavvy are the first children, mark and helen arent

So as Helen and Mark have no relation to POTUS, theyre less involved w/ the public

(Bonus: people think Kiertina are dating but they got NO IDEA Mark is the third part of that)

Both of their parents are pretty busy so Julian’s kinda raising them a bit but not to a terrible extent

Julian may or may not be dating the vice president’s daughter, emma carstairs

In the UK, christopher herondale is a prince and i dont care if ty matches henry better and kit is more of an alex

i literally thought of this au bc i was reading the scene where henry kisses alex and then runs away and i outloud said “wow christopher herondale is quaking”

so im not budging kit is henry w/ alex’s personality and ty is alex w/ henry’s personality got it good great

In all seriousness i just like the way it plays out better this way

Ok anyways kitty are 18 jsyk

Ty is convinced Kit hates him bc they had a pretty shit first meeting and Kit came off as kinda an ass but he was just going thru gay panic

U kno that scene in RSOM where alec thought aline was homophobic but she was just a lesbian freaking out over a cute girl? That’s kinda how the kitty meeting went

it was literally just a miscommunication but now ty has been trying to convince himself he hates kit for like two years but hes just gay and a moron god what a life

Livvy, in the background: GAAAAY

Ok so beginning of the plot a royal (clace) wedding is happening and the first family is invited

(psst lets get real the herondales are shadowhunter royalty this is valid)

Ty can’t get out of it and he’s big sad bout it but whatevs he’ll have livvy

so ty and kit end up talking and kit is trying to leave asap bcause he’s too gay for this but when he attempts to leave, ty grabs his shoulder and kit kinda pushes him off and ty starts falling but grabs onto kits arm and so

they crash and fall into jace and clary’s expensive ass wedding cake

the tabloids are like: lol they hate eachother

so those two gotta fix everything bc yea international relations

They start hanging out and find they get along pretty well, specifically through a shared love of a certain fictional detective

ty: the books are better kit: binch the bbc show tho

tessa, in the background: I APPROVE CHRISTOPHER

so a couple months pass and kit and ty are talking outside being deep and kit kisses him and then proceeds to FLEE THE SCENE and goes back to england and doesnt respond to any of tys messages

(like guys goddamnit henry literally pulled a kit when he did that shit guys it fits)

the two of them end up making up and making out like a month later and then have to proceed to attempt to hide their relationship

but yea blah blah blah they end up happy together im done w/ plot points i dont wanna spoil the ENTIRE book for y’all

(also kits bestie ash is like weirdly into dru but ty doesnt care AT ALL hes like go for it also heres some pointers bc ash is crushing hard man)

ooh Diana is the president’s deputy chief of staff and gwyn is the crown family’s equerry and they fall in love during this because i want them to

Ok but heres my batshit ideas starting so take the rest of this w/ a grain of salt its just the sleep depravation talking and also fun ideas that dont work at all

KING WILL HERONDALE

wessa are like kinda kits parents in this au and probs still have james and lucie

jace is like their cousin who isnt strictly a prince but is still largely in the public eye bc theyre close to him

or mb wessa have four kids including jace in this au idk they all deserve to be a happy family

(but where is jem u ask)

ok so will could die but i dont want him to

(again, this part is for funsies and if i were to make this a fic i’d have to kill him off)

so will faked his own death so jem and tessa could be together bc lets get real he would

jem and tessa have a daughter mina and people think they named her after will due to grief nah will just said if i fake my death this is my one condition

im sorry im just imagining young prince christopher with his older siblings prince james princess lucie and prince johnathan with their younger half sister princess wilhelmina

time doesnt exist in this ok just my want for a eight person herongraystairs fam cause jace deserved good parents but was born at the wrong time to be raised by people who would have LOVED HIM

lol the thing i find hilarious is that in this au jesse blackthorn isnt really related to the blackthorns theyre like seventh cousins and he met lucie by coincidence

lmfao what if will is kits like bodyguard but he wears shitty disguises all the time and people are like hmm is that the king and will is like no unfortunately king william has been dead for years

this is so stupid but i dont care fuck off im having fun w/ it also will herondale is king as he deserves so all is right in the world

The real question is now: Do y’all want me to write this? Or like nah