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#blame my boyfriend for all of this
cynicallyneutral · 4 months
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some sketches,random nart stuff i drew last year that i havent posted yet dijghfkjgjg
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guqin-and-flute · 5 months
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Mingjue strikes me as the type of guy to not offer up information about his sexuality/sex life in general but also doesn't consider it something to hide (and just doesn't care enough to.) Partly because he thinks it's stupid that people think it's their business at all and partly because he doesn't see it as shameful. He's got so much other shit going on and he's not gonna live forever, he's definitely not wasting time on worrying what Sect Leader Yao thinks of who he invites into his bed.
But people see him speaking out against Jin Guangshan's degeneration and the general Jin Vibe of opulence and indulgence, they assume that means he classes all """deviant""" sexuality in that category, and his reputation as being so rule and honor code abiding they assume he will agree as passionately with all of society's mores (re: homosexual encounters) and just assume he's strictly straight and discount any rumors that he isn't.
'Sleep with a man? Chifeng-zun? You must be joking.'
Meanwhile Mingjue is like, 'What? Yeah, we did. Can we get back to what we were doing, now? I couldn't give less of a shit and you're wasting my time.'
And still people would be like, 'Man, I don't know where these rumors are coming from!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯'
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cryptiduni · 11 months
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“white mourning.”
#‘‘A white mourning. A modern death. Divorce or something similar. All you can do is put more distance between you & him. make him smaller.’’#jean is a very easy character to hate if you know nothing about him. & you know what they say. easy target doesn’t make for a good practice#judit literally compares harry to intellectually disabled man yet you don’t see ppl hating her because she is outwardly nice.#she’s polite yes but she doesn’t care as much as jean cares for harry#he is not perfect. he is mean. but loyal. if he truly didn't care he wouldn't hab come back to martinaise & coulda just reported harry’s as#he put up with du bois’ bullshit for years and built a toxic (totally straight) relationship with him yet always comes back.#he says he will leave you in the village to die but please understand harry isn't exactly a great person. especially pre-bender hdb.#planned a make up joke & put on a wig for hdb even tho he wasn’t the who started the whole fiasco#you can hate him all you want for leaving harry before & during tribunal but how could he have foreseen all this bullshit would have happen#his second leaving is kinda bullshit writing but#jv is dealing with his own demons too. clinical depression. partner almost died. job is shit. case spiraling out control#i do not blame the DE staff either. sometimes shit just happens. not everything needs a grand explanation.#but it definitely coulda been handled better. but i understand. resources were sparse.#i relate to ​jv. as someone with temper issues & attention problems i have to remove myself from the scene or i'll say shit i'd regret late#my man is having the worst week of his life. leave him alone.#kim is great but have u heard of a man who thinks he's old when he is only 30 & luvs horses & his commie boyfriend that he's divorcin' soon#disco elysium#de fanart#jean vicquemare#disco elysium fanart#jean heron vicquemare#jean posting#illustration#de#artists on tumblr#my art#I WANTED TO DRAW THIS FOR MONTHSSS YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE. HE LITERALLY HAUNTED ME IN MY SLEEP!!!#i love him normal amount. very healthy. much feelings#my little maiu maiu
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ms-all-sunday · 2 months
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post timeskip they start calling zoro a good boy because he's taking orders and being so much less grumpy about it and he gets painfully turned on in public. sabaody like is the start of this it starts really fucking early
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captainninej · 1 year
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you know what just makes me really sad. i WANT to be excited about the karma music video. i WANT to be excited about her bringing ice spice on stage, about her singing GETAWAY CAR (my favourite rep song), about the new outfits and everything i loved about keeping up with the eras tour.
but i just cant. and maybe it’s parasocial but it genuinely feels like heartbreak as a poc swiftie that i just cant enjoy this woman’s music or content anymore that i used to absolutely love and get so excited about. i can’t get excited about the easter eggs for 1989 and rep TV or the stunning visuals in the music video. because i feel so betrayed and hurt that she’s throwing all this stuff at her fans to take the heat off her political inconsistency and white supremacist boyfriend. everyone’s already forgotten about holding her accountable because she dropped three new songs and a music video. i just also can’t get behind swifties villainising joe again and saying he’s worse than john mayer…more than matty healy.
the whiteness of this woman and her fandom have finally made me quit, and the worst part? she won’t care that she’s lost her poc fans. her white ones will continue eating up whatever she does and help her break record after record and become the billionaire she so clearly wants to be. she’ll still get her money and her clout, and her army of fans will harass anyone (including her) who points out her alarming flaws.
i cant get behind the hype anymore, and it feels like a real loss to me as someone who enjoyed taylor swift for fourteen whole years.
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🎶 My rockstar boyfriend 🎸
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softquietsteadylove · 11 months
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Instead of Thena, what about jelous and territorial Gil 👀?
Gil was glowering--he knew he was. He was standing outside the studio, two coffees stacked on top of each other in one hand, glaring through the glass.
Thena was dancing already, free as the wind and laughing and twirling. She looked stunning, as always. She was spinning around with some guy with dark hair and a cut jawline in a black leotard. He followed Thena around the room, talking and laughing freely all while holding her hands, and lifting her by the waist, and...
Gil watched as Thena literally threw her head back in such a full laugh. She only ever did that with him--at least so she said. And so Sersi said. Gil pushed the door open.
Even more infuriating, her dance partner looked up and over at him first, "Habibti, your-"
"Gil!"
Gil kept his eyes on the stranger as he set the coffees down first and dropped his bag off his shoulder. Thena fluttered over to him but he kept staring at this...this guy.
He had heard Habibti before, and he was pretty sure it was what one would call their sweetheart.
"Thank you," Thena smiled up at him from within his arms, finally pulling his eyes away from her friend. "You are just in time."
"Am I?" Gil murmured, still looking between Thena and this mystery dancer, not loosening his embrace of her even in the slightest. "I, uh, didn't know you had a guest."
"Ben Stoss," he moved forward, introducing himself with a handshake. He smiled at Gil in a way that emphasized how handsome he was (unfortunately). "Thena and I were always paired together as partners in our days in the academy."
The burning in Gil's chest worsened and he pursed his lips faintly. "I see."
"Ben is going to help me with some demonstrations for my little goslings," Thena said gently, still within the bend of Gil's arm.
Gil just nodded, looking from the handsome stranger down to his precious, gorgeous girlfriend. He mustered a smile for her and pressed a kiss to her temple, "sounds fun."
"I've heard all about you, Gilgamesh."
Gil's head snapped up again, especially at the overly familiar way in which he was being addressed. He subconsciously pulled Thena tighter against him, "Gorgeous here talk about me a lot?"
Ben grinned, "all the time."
"Gil," she admonished faintly, pressing a hand to his chest.
"I never thought I would see the day when Odette here finally found herself someone," Ben looked at Thena, still seeming a little too humoured by the situation. "And such a handsome one, at that."
"That's enough out of you," she glared back at him. But even watching her glare at him didn't help Gil feel better; she was so familiar with him.
"You, uh," Gil's eyes bounced between them one more time, determined to drag things out into the open no matter how rude or uncouth he had to be to do it. His hand twitched at the small of Thena's back, "did you know each other before ballet?"
Thena tilted her head at him but Ben continued to smile and shook his head. "No, but the royal ballet academy's programs can take a lifetime to truly graduate."
Gil's mind was racing. He hadn't seen this guy at any of the performances of Thena's he'd been to.
"We have known each other for many years."
That also did not help him feel better.
Thena rubbed Gil's back between his shoulders, "I've been friends with Ben and his husband for years."
Husband.
Ben turned his attention to Thena, "you are my son's favourite aunt."
Son.
"I am your son's only aunt," she corrected Ben liberally with a grin. She turned back to Gil, a sheepish smile on her lips, "I'm sorry, love, I can't believe I've never brought up Ben before now."
Gil blinked as Ben started complaining to Thena about what a neglectful friend she had been to him, the two of them laughing about it. Gil tried to reorient himself as if he'd taken a swing to the face.
"I have brought up Jack before, though."
"Oh--o-oh, yeah, Jack!" Gil smiled, rushing to cover up his petty jealousy. "Of course you've talked about Jack. You're one of his dads!"
"Indeed I am," Ben smiled graciously, despite Gil's tepid introduction to him. "Thena reached out to me about assisting her with some partner oriented lessons. And I admit, I jumped at the chance to finally meet her handsome boxer beau."
"Stop it!" Thena hissed at him.
But Gil was delighted--his chest was puffed a little bit and he was all but preening at the praise. He grinned at her, "aw, Gorgeous!"
Thena huffed, turning her head so his kiss was relegated to her cheek instead of her lips. She glared at Ben, "did I not say that was enough from you?"
"Thena does speak of you endlessly, that was no flattery on my part," Ben laughed in good humour as Gil continued to try and lavish his mortified girlfriend with affection. "I was excited to meet the man she loves so ardently."
"Lessons are cancelled, both of you--out."
Gil just chuckled, pressing his forehead to hers. Her fingertips tapped against his cheeks, having previously attempted to keep him from kissing her in front of Ben. "I love you too, Thena."
The loveliest shade of pink filled those pale cheeks of hers. She turned her head to Ben, "you are a terrible friend."
"I am the best of friends, and I did tell you this would happen if I got to meet your handsome fighter," Ben simply laughed, drifting off and leaving the two to their affections.
"Ben!" Sersi beamed as she walked in, "it's been ages!"
"Sersi!" he laughed, receiving her in a hug as she ran at him.
Gil sighed as he watched Ben and Sersi catch up, looking back at Thena. "I'm sorry, Gorgeous."
"Hm?"
He kissed her forehead, attributing her ignorance of his jealousy to her lack of past relationships. "I didn't mean to interrupt you and your friend."
"That's fine, Gil," she shook her head, confused as to why he would even apologise for something so small. Her hand found his, their fingers hovering the line of being laced together. "I knew you were coming this morning."
"True," he chuckled as he moved away only to retrieve the coffee he had brought with him.
Thena received the coffee - and his kiss on the cheek - with a pleasant purr. She peeked up at him, "I asked Ben if he'd like to join Sersi and I for a drink after lessons, today. Would you...?"
Gil smiled, thoroughly charmed at the idea of meeting more of the people in Thena's life, "yeah, sweetheart, I'd love to."
"Okay," she swayed a little, the skirt tied around the waist over her leotard fluttering around her. "I'll see you tonight, then."
"Can't wait," Gil whispered, leaning in to kiss her properly this time, his hand holding hers.
"Does Miss Thena have two boyfriends?!"
Sersi and Ben laughed from further away from the door. Gil also laughed while Thena glared at the early students already gawping at them. "No, I do not! Stretches!"
The kids sighed at the fingers snapped at them, "yes, Miss Thena."
They looked at Sersi, but the assistant teacher offered no sympathies. "You know better than to bring up Miss Thena's boyfriend."
Thena offered him a tiny wave as she visibly shifted from Thena to Miss Thena, her teacher mode. Her shoulders rolled back and her spine straightened; although, she did set her coffee down gently and lovingly on the edge of her desk.
Gil waited until he was hanging half-out the studio door before loudly cooing, "see you tonight, Gorgeous!"
"Oooooooohhhhhhhhh!!"
Thena flushed scarlet, turning and snapping her fingers at him as well, which only made him laugh. Ben was laughing too.
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bumblingbabooshka · 8 months
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Worst Guy Ever - Also, Unfortunately, Very Homosexual Convo. (subtextually)
#Evidence of Tom being a bad boyfriend is also in a file labeled 'Tom wants to fuck Steth so bad'#but seriously I wanted to deck him in this convo v_v FORTUNATELY it is bearable bc I think that's the point - like the narrative is#showing that Tom is 'ruining what he's worked for' by being a dick to B'Elanna so I'm not like meta-mad about it (like OTHER Tom/B'Elanna#moments) <- Ex: Tom saying 'I have a beautiful girlfriend' instead of something like#'someone I care about/a girl I love' but that's a like...tv writing thing. I don't like it but I know it's a tv writing thing#Woman as like a status symbol instead of a person you care about#I never care about Tom's inner conflict in Tom episodes (with the exception of the one where he gets thrown in solitary - him going full#rogue was fun) bc his inner conflict is always the most boomer bullshit#Literally he's just having a midlife crisis in this one.#BUT...GUYS....IMPORTANT NEWS...BULLDOG'S IN THIS ONE??#BULLDOG ?? My enemy BULLDOG BRISCOE from Frasier??? Good to see you man! This makes sense.#Steth....WHY would you choose to turn into a guy with a detailed and established web of interconnected relationships on a ship with a#complex hierarchy? Steth really thought he'd be able to play it cool on VOYAGER...the USS codependent...nu uh#they sniff you out and maul you like gophers on that baby#EHHEHEEH the Emh is funny as hell...'WOW...I had no idea me being so perfect at everything was making you feel bad! It all makes sense to#me now...' / Steth(as Tom):....Yeah v_v#SNRKEHEHEHEHEHEH GUYS..I'm taking a mental health day so I can reflect on myself and how even though I'll never be as good as the Doctor#I'm probably still worth SOMETHING#Steth(as Tom): Hey now B'Elanna...let's not go around blaming Steth for things. He's a pretty cool guy actually.#Okay yes confirmed! The above convo is also to show that Steth is 'being better' than Tom by telling B'Elanna what she wants to hear#unfortunately this does not make me like Tom more#SHE WANTS SO LITTLE. SHE ASKS FOR SO LITTLE.#BC Tom DOES say that B'Elanna is 'overreacting' and basically calls her crazy even when it's not for a later moral lesson and#this isn't framed as bad by the narrative. If your girl's always mad at you then your relationship ISN'T good.#There's literally NO resolution once again to their relationship issues. Tom shows her his garage program and when B'Elanna says she feels#she doesn't value her he says 'Yeah I do.' episode ends.#T/B scenes are literally [conflict arises then they argue or kiss] <- it is never...RESOLVED...#Me @ The Writers: (B'Elanna voice) Is this your idea of an adult conversation?#OH. Gay subtext: I hate spending time with my girl I want to hang out and live the bachelor life with my cool guy friend.#Tom's grease monkey program might as well be a subscription to playgirl magazine sit DOWN dude
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widevibratobitch · 2 months
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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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zemnarihah · 2 months
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my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....
#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth#she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her#directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her#and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because#you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple#days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and#she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only#give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i#didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she#says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was#really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think#for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe#since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a#fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if#i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person#to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a#conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a#hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend#group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.
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huntlow shippers who cherry-pick every single frame where these two stand next to each other and TJLC it into a secret metanarrative that they’ve actually been madly in love since the moment they met, but disney forced the crew to cut the token m/f couple during The Shortening bc somehow there was no way for these two to have any meaningful conversation in the many many times they were onscreen together
vs.
huntlow dislikers who cherry-pick those same screenshots and say that because other characters blush in non-romantic contexts sometimes, it definitely means every single interaction between these two were 100% platonic on both sides and all huntlow shippers are under a collective delusion, and that dana terrace is being held at gunpoint by disney/other members of the crew to add in a romantic subplot she hates against her will. despite it also not being romantic somehow
FIGHT
#ive talked to both kinds of ppl and i dont think either side understands my stance#i am taking the bat i beat the dead horse with and i am swinging it at the hornets nest#toh#the owl house#to be clear my stance is that i dont think a romantic subplot would add anything significant to either of their arcs#that isnt already fulfilled by their relationships to their other friends and family#in fact i think its very disjointed from hunters arc which is centered around found family#in a full season 3 i would have wanted them to explore how willows history of being bullied tanked her self esteem#causing her to have a hard time believing someone actually likes her#and feeling like she needs to put aside her own issues to focus on hunter bc hes 'more' traumatized#and feeling bad if she ever gets frustrated at him because she subconsciously feels unworthy to have a boyfriend in the first place#so being angry at him would make her feel like shes 'ungrateful' to hunter for liking her#meanwhile hunter would be overly attached to willow like he is to all his other friends but also in a blind trust in authority way#and if they do have problems in the relationship he would blame himself and try to 'make up for it' in acts of service willow doesnt need#if they are to date at all then having that kind of problem pop up and them addressing it is the only way i can think of#where being in a romantic relationship adds something to both their characters#but with the shortening the show isnt going to have time to explore any of that so i think they should have just cut that subplot#unless theyre setting hunter up to be rejected which. well see how that plays out#and also the fandom certainly doesnt want to explore the huntlow dynamic beyond 'angsty white boy and his emotional support girlfriend'#maybe 'two menaces and their friend gus' once in a blue moon#oh and 'child abuse victim wants his girlfriend to beat him up' that ones a classic#what im saying is that the saturation of huntlow fanworks where They Would Not Fucking Say That really didnt endear me to the ship#and also srsly they should have cut out that subplot in the show i know its not the crews fault they got cancelled#but they still have a responsibility to tell a coherent story and that means cutting out unecessary romantic subplots if they dont have time#and the crux of my position is: even if all the TJLC-ing came true and huntlow was entirely developed through totally real longing glances#i should not have to go into the show armed with 80k words of huntlow meta to understand why they want to date each other#willow especially has shown no overt interest and its clear most of the ppl who say she does dont understand or care about her character#yes shes buff yes shes confident can you list her character nuances or is she just your self insert to ship hunter with#someone is going to misunderstand this and assume i just 'dont understand why they ship it' and explain it to me again lmao#lowhunt
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mmmmuffins · 1 year
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not to repeat myself 2045834 times but went to the bookstore again this week and the bestseller section was so sad... full of colleen hoover and published fanfiction and canva covers and all of it marketed as ‘popular in the media’ which is literally just booktok 😭 what are young kids growing up with 
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hairtusk · 2 years
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just saw a video on the dash of a woman who was recovering from shoulder surgery and she was having to change the sheets on a king size bed alone because her husband didn't think to do the laundry. where are you finding these men AND more importantly why are you building lives with them
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lipglossboy · 7 months
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honestly can we consider the circumstances surrounding Vickie returning fast times at ridgemond high with it paused on boobs?
So maybe she watched it and then went back to pause on that frame to stare at it. Questioning teen girl in the 80s it makes sense.
But then how did she not think to rewind before returning it that way? She has to know her peers work there and they'll be the ones to see it when they're doing rewinds?
Maybe it was like, she had it up and then oops her dad or boyfriend or someone shows up. Quickly! Take it out of the VHR before he sees! And then she forgot to rewind it before returning it. Or like, someone was doing her a favor and returned it for her before she could.
These passing details about Vicky make her low-key mysterious but I don't think it'll take us anywhere in canon (we don't have time for that anyway). She doesn't like, come across as mysterious but our collection of knowledge about her is interesting.
I kinda wanna characterize her as insecure and like, that's why she kind of tries to emulate molly ringwald lol. And that kind of gives some depth to the whole pausing on boobs thing. Just see her alone like struggling with these feelings (maybe for Robin!) and trying to test her own sexuality by staring at boobs lol. That makes the whole exchange in The War Zone more interesting too! Like she's struggling with her sexuality, specifically her feelings for Robin, and then suddenly Robin sees her being kissed by her boyfriend and she's like caught between these two worlds. The world with her boyfriend being kinda like, the familiar but increasingly unfitting, and the world of Robin being increasingly appealing yet scary and maybe even lonely (bc she only thinks her feelings are her own). But it doesn't feel lonely when she's actually With Robin! It feels all wrong, however, having those two worlds cross. They're not meant to. It's like even robin somehow knows since she runs away.
Also maybe Vickie's tendency to mimic out of an insecure sense of self is why in her nervous state she kind of emulates Robin.
Also don't get me started on her being casually in the War Zone? So much to unpack there. Is her boyfriend a big gun guy? She seemed pretty at home there lol enjoying herself. I forget if she was looking at something specific. Maybe someone in her family used to take her camping or taught her archery or something and she was Reminiscing while waiting for her bf to pick up whatever he needed. What did he need? Honestly who knows. I would say maybe he wanted to buy a gun bc recent events made him want to protect himself/Vickie, but she seemed so casual and chill it just wouldn't be fitting for that kind of shopping trip. I know the duffers like to play fast and loose with tone and the gravity of situations but I don't have to.
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foreignobjecticus · 1 year
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Going to go to bed soon. Offering my full night of dreams to anyone: trade for deep, restful sleep only.
#idk I'm going to blame writing down every single dream I had as a teenager for my now constant dreaming#maybe documenting them more will help. or not. I'd be writing thousands of words a day#last night I had an adventure in a motel at a truckstop with this room in incredible detail filled with guns left by old guests hidden#by the manager who was this muscled tattooed baseballcap wearing toughguy#under these old pieces of dark wood furniture in shapes that were nearly useless for anything but statement pieces#there was dust and teddy bears and shotguns and bins with just enough rubbish to know they hadn't been cleaned out from the last guest#I crawled on the floor under the bed hiding until I could make my escape#beforehand I'd been a few shops up at the truckstop trying to get a slushy from the newsagents#but they were so old too all their stock was out of date and the machines weren't gettting cold enough to ice properly#as I tried to buy one with mum some little kid was trying to pickpocket me#we went back to the rental car and drove away up into the mountains. I dropped mum somewhere and kept going#until it turned into a beautiful mountain lane winding over the ranges#as I drove I narrowly missed a jet fighter plane crash into the hill beside me#though my car was destroyed and I walked down the hill arduously until I reached the base of a dam where police and mountain rescue waited#they'd heard the explosion but needed to see where in the mountains it had happened#so I took my friend's old boyfriend (a mountain guide) up the hill#and remarked on how funny it was that I was guiding the guide#we trekked up the hill I in bare feet until we reached the crash site#oh I forgot to mention the lesbian motorbike convention at the back of the motel in the parking lot#where I sat at a high table in the middle of the lot having a pastry for lunch all by myself#anyway that doesn't sound like much but I felt all the detail. The smell of the musty motel room and the prickly worn carpet#the softness of the brown bedspread and the terror of evading the hotel manager#the irritation at the pickpocket and the rage at having been ripped off#the adrenaline and cold of escaping the crash site#and then the breathlessness of the barefoot trek uphill#my aching feet as I stepped on prickles and sharp hot stones#it felt like it went on all night long in real time#this is every night now and has been for years#i'm going to really start doing the stretches and meditation before bed properly#cannot stand this anymore. it's not even worth it for the blorbo dreams lol
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violexides · 10 months
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God. komaeda really was a great character huh. (plus, ramblings about my favorite 'character types' and queerness in DR in tags).
#ides.txt#sorry i've been watching anime clips for the last hour or so.#kirigiri's false death actually made me cry and kizakura's as well (i'd never watched that one).#i also saw the juzo scene which. i know this is likely a controversial take but let me say this.#i'm quite happy with the fact that despite the NUMEROUS writing faults and outright creepy/gratuitously dark#writing of DR; they really do include a lot of queer characters that are like. explicitly queer.#i just come from AA which while the writing is MUCH better there is only slight hints of a character being queer#herlock does 'costumes'. edgeworth and his damn feelings. klavier and 'my boyfriend is the prosecution's witness'#but in DR it's like actually this guy is just gay. and i do appreciate that.#there is obviously a degree of homophobic writing in the series but i think now that i'm older i see the like.#novelty of having characters as explicitly straight as other characters are explicitly queer.#anyway this all was about komaeda i was just. every day i loom treacherously close to just writing DR fic again.#i think i have certain character typings that i like.#one of them is characters who are distinctly along the rude-asshole spectrum (ranging from-#gina lestrade to apollo justice to hinata hajime to mondo owada etc.)#and then characters who are cunning and complex. i think a cunning character is the key to my heart.#klavier gavin. komaeda nagito. to an extent herlock but i haven't finished his game yet.#i think it's difficult because of all character traits that one is most likely to get brushed over in fanon.#i just wish i started writing fic when i was a little bit older so i could have understood that piece of him.#but as always i can't exactly blame myself for projecting undiagnosed mental illness on him#as i wasn't exactly ooc about it. i understand him (i barely understand him).
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