#blue lock crack

[merlucide]

How BLLK boys say happy bday ‘smau’

notes: hehe it’s my birthday!! :3 I’m finally an adult!! I feel so cool 🤭

characters: Isagi, Nagi, Bachira, Chigiri, Rin, Reo, Shidou, Kaiser

warnings: curse-words, mentions of seggs and abortions

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this is so random help 💀

made February 15th 2024

[startaee]

you accidentally text your crush instead of your best friend!

nagi version reo version rin version isagi version

reblogs appreciated .

notes: ok but nagi canon is so 1-100?? like sometimes i feel like he would NEVER ever write complete words but then I think of how inumaki from JJK trolls kids and then i think oh yea nagi would def troll kids too, but then it's a hassle right? so he would prolly just mind his own business and play his games and live his hassle free life???

[munv]

Hey!! I LOVE your "Immersing in Ecstasy" series! But sometimes I can't help but wonder what would be Shidou's reaction to Reader like,, lmaoo I just know it'll be funny😭😭

𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗘𝗟𝗬 𝗝𝗘𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚

This is so real caus I’ve been brain rotting about this for months ever since I started the series

I got carried away and died mid way bookie 😞

You were lost, to put it simply. The two brats you call your younger brothers had “supposedly” gave you directions in your little sibling group chat.

And to be honest with yourself.. it was really stupid thinking you could depend on their asses. Seriously, now looking back on the messages they sent who says:

“Go wherever your brain takes you. You’re the older sibling” along the lines of some other sassy remarks you didn’t want right now.

The little shits didn’t know what was coming for them when you got back home. Once rin was out of blue lock and sae finished his interviews, they didn’t know what type of beating they were in for. This time you’d make sure to beat them with the belt buckle. For sure. You scoffed under your breath.

Finally making it into the clearing of what looked like a big room, you spotted a familiar face. “Oliver!” You called out. The male in question turned around to face you with a familiar smile. “[name]-san, when did you get here?” His Heterochromia eyes lit up at the mere sight of you.

“Nice to see you too, but we can catch up later. Where the hell is the brat?” You cracked you knuckles with a dead tone. “I have a bone if not two to pick with him as of now.” You approached.

He let out a small chuckle at your response. “I saw him near the blue lock members if I last remember. Especially your other lil baby” he rubbed his chin after thinking a bit “what was his name? Rinrin or somethin?”

Deciding the ignore the way he addressed your brother you moved on

“Thanks! I’ll make sure to catch up with you later right?” You gave him a light yet playful smile before getting ready to find your brothers. “Anytime pretty!” He yelled out watching you run off into the crowd.

It took you 5 minutes, 5 worthy fucking minutes of your life. Just so you could have rin and sae within your grasp. Well, that was the initial plan before you came across a little problem.

“Woah!” he laughed “so there’s three of you eyelash minions?” Infront of you was what you learnt to be your first brothers’ “pet”.

Rin was beside you fuming like a angry guard dog on patrol. While sae was..Sae. But you knew better than that and learnt over the years to decipher his moods.

The collection went on:

Happy sae, nonchalant sae, upset sae, jealous sae, and these all were equivalent to his resting bitch face. Other could tell the difference between his moods, you could. There was clearly a difference, and if you didn’t know any better you wouldn’t have realized sae was on guard right now as well.

You realized Oliver failed to mention that Sae and Rin had become somewhat acquainted with this..guy??

“Shut the hell up you pink haired freak. And back up, my sister won’t breathe the same air as you.” Rin retorted. You were flabbergasted..did you ever hear rin talk so vulgar towards anyone else than sae? For all you could know he must be cursing elementary schoolers behind your back!

“Fuck off eyelash junior, I’m more interested in her” he pointed at you with interest circling his pink irises. The male leaned closer with a wide smirk, which soon turned into surprise when he found that your hand was pushing his face away from you.

“Sae, get your fucking leash. And- EWWHATHEFUCK?!”

The male pushed against your hand with his tongue with a hint of mischief in his eyes. “Hey, I like you!” He practically sang

Rin grabbed your shoulder trying to drag you away from him, but it was like a case of tug of war with a real beast. “GET OFF?? PLEASE??” You begged. Yet it was all for naught when he used the same hand in his grasp to pull you closer and grab your waist.

He laughed like a maniac, and that’s when he’ll broke loose.

“LET GO YOU ANTENNA FREAK” rin yelled for what felt like the first time in weeks.

Sae being the ever so helpful brother he is, stood in shock at what would be your first meeting with Shidou. Where did he go wrong?? And why was the bug so attached to his precious sister?

“OHMYGOD SAE GET HIM OFF PLEASE!! DO SOMETHI- QUIT PULLING AND LET GO” you cried.

Safe to say it was posted on all social platforms in the next few hours. The sudden reveal of the itoshi brothers elder sister had come to light once again.

[yooils]

lightweight . drunk!isagi x reader. fluff. accidental proposal. short blurb + extremely forced plot.

— ISAGI YOICHI is a lightweight.

it’s a truth acknowledged by everyone close with him, really, with the way he begins his flowery proses after a drink or two– followed by a gradual descent to an emotional wreck; usually accompanied with an abundance of impulsive decisions and a self depreciating monologue of his life.

but in spite of that, he knows how to handle himself 90% of the time. (the remaining 10% is left unmentioned by all, regardless of the copious amounts of black-mail material some of his teammates possess.)

so naturally, the first time you see yoichi have an emotional breakdown in public is during a team get-together! he’s half on his knees with an abnormally flushed complexion; his eyes are starting to water from the reverie he’s found himself in, and his throat is constricted with hiccups. you've been so-called paged by his colleagues– only to find that the emergency they had mentioned afore to be your drunk boyfriend.

“i just want you to know that i love you.” is the first thing that comes out of isagi's mouth when he catches sight of you entering the bar his team had booked for the night.

the collective wolf whistles from his teammates would have portrayed the unfolding scene to be akin to an extremely romantic (read: corny) scene of a movie, if it wasn't for the uncharacteristically delirious look in your boyfriend’s eyes.

“my affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this. i just want you to know that i’m pregnant, and you’re the baby. will you marry me?”

(a few feet away, rin spits out his drink, outraged at the sheer blasphemy of one of his favourite books and movies. nagi's recording next to him, half-asleep yet still giggling at his friend's drunken antics.)

you love yoichi too, you really do– but you have to run through the list of things you love about him just to keep yourself from strangling him to the brink of unconsciousness so he stops talking.

– he's cute. he's only a little bit annoying sometimes. he does the laundry properly. he just confessed that he loved you amidst his drunken stupor even though you've never said it to each other directly before in person– and then proposed to you. and he's hot.

finally forfeiting to his boyish, drunken charms (and having had enough public humiliation for today), you find yourself and your extremely drunk boyfriend in the middle of the parking lot; with you holding him by his coat so he doesn’t escape, and him squirming around with airy sounds of discomfort which you had opted to ignore.

isagi’s leaning in close, breath reeking of alcohol and hands fumbling with his seatbelt clumsily.

“psst.. don’t tell anyone, but i’m gonna marry you one day.”

the pause in the car is deafening.

you furrow your eyebrows. he obliviously leans his cheek against the car window, unbothered by the sheer weight that his words had carried.

“wait, you don’t want other people to find out that you’re going to propose to me, so you tell the person you’re actually proposing to?”

his drunk gasp speaks volumes to you. “oh no, did i say that out loud? am i being kidnapped? where am i? is the world finally ending? but i still haven’t told (name) that i loved them…”

(okay, maybe he’s a little more stupid when he’s drunk, but you’ve grown to become a believer in the concept that drunken words are sober thoughts in the last hour. you hope.)

isagi’s eyes melt into something akin pools of sapphire stones under the lamppost-lit light. it’s been your favourite colour from the moment you met him.

“yoichi, why are you sniffing me?”

you amusedly ask, finding minor entertainment in his actions.

he’s half slumped on you by the time you stop the car by his apartment– and you realise that there’s no way of getting out of your vehicle without damaging 1.) your spine 2.) your arms and 3.) his dignity. (which really is already ruined, objectively, from the amount of second-hand embarrassment you’ve faced tonight.

“don’t wanna leave you.. smells like home..” he almost-incoherently mumbles, and you impulsively have half a mind to keep him forever-intoxicated because of how cute, despite tedious he’s become.

as a relatively simple man, isagi has always been subjected to a desire for more; especially when it came to football.

(but you, he thinks, will always be more than enough for him. and he hopes he’s enough for you too, even in his drunken haze, because he doesn’t want to let you out of his grasps for even a second).

the way you stroke his hair has his mind collapsing into a puddle of melted goo even in the air-conditioned car. you’ve rewritten his brain chemistry to make yourself the only pearl in his universe composed of mostly football, and in every life, he would let you break his heart over and over again.

once you realise that he's stopped his drunken ramblings and fumbling, the panic finally kicks in.

"yoichi, are you sleeping? we're still in the car park! i can't get out with you laid on me!"

(the next morning, he apologises after a much needed hangover pill and a reminder of what happened last night, sent to him in the form of a video by nagi.

you don't tell him that you've already seen the ring in his sock drawer.)

8.12.23

[woyoyw]

Blue lock incorrect quotes

Kaiser: *Gently taps table*

Isagi: *Taps back*

Reo, whispering: What are they doing?

Chigiri: Morse code.

Kaiser, smirking: *Aggressively taps table*

Isagi: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU LITTLE-

[lyney-s-bitch]

Have you ever heard of screaming in a different frequency? Or whatever it’s called. You know like, someone screams but you can’t heard but dogs can or some glass shatters? Can you do a blue lock scenario like that?

Where some blue lock boys try to prank you with them dressing up as a clown and when the reader sees them, she screams. Well kinda😅 Her eyes have completely widens and her mouth is open but there’s no sound. Then the window shatters. Or they see the reader’s dog cover their ears.

Blue lock boys: Isagi (bachira forced him), Bachira, Reo, Kaiser, Sae, Rin (Idk why Sae or Rin would do that 🤷🏽‍♀️) , Chris Prince, Otoya, or any one you want to write it for!

I gotta admit, this was quite the odd ask… but a very creative one for sure - thank you sm for sending it in!!

I decided to do this in categories and altered it a little so it made sense to me, hope you don’t mind!! Enjoy~

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reaction to you "screaming" when they prank you dressed as a clown || Bllk boys

pov: It was Halloween, but you and your boyfriend had decided to stay in tonight. No dressing up, no parties. He had other plans though, wanting to prank you dressed as a horror clown… but that didn’t quite go as he had planned.

Screams at the top of his lungs in response because your reaction startled him (might also end up punching you out of reflex). Will absolutely yell at you "Don’t scare me like that!!", fully disregarding the fact that HE had literally planned to startle YOU. It will take him a while to calm down after - playing soccer and working out fade in comparison to you scaring the living shit out of him.

LAVINHO, Raichi, Isagi, Reo, Prince, Nanase

~~~~~

Stares at you in silence, blinks a few times, then turns around and walks out on you. He’s honestly just absolutely baffled and has not yet processed what he had just witnessed. And he ain’t gonna stick around to find out. At least that meant him dressing up as a clown wasn’t the weirdest thing that happened tonight…

RIN, Sae, Kunigami (post!wildcard), Chigiri, Nagi, Noa, Hiori

~~~~~

Ends up way more creeped out by your muted scream than anything. Like, excuse him?! What the actual fuck?? Miss him with that banshee shit, he ain’t getting cursed tonight, nuh-uh. NUH-UH. You’ll have to console him after (which turns out to be harder than you would’ve thought), the fact that he’s the one who had started this whole thing in the first place long forgotten.

KAISER, Otoya, Karasu, Aiku

~~~~~

Actually psyched about and fascinated by your previously unknown talent. Like "Goddamn, my sweetheart could do that?! I never knew sopranos like that actually existed!" (a/n: disclaimer - they don’t) Will definitely demand for you to do it again and show him HOW exactly you do it. Chances are he’ll wanna try it himself at some point (he’s just the tiniest bit delusional about how high his voice can possibly go).

SHIDOU, Bachira, Prince, Gagamaru, Ness

[nicksosantos]

Let's be real, Nagi communicates his emotions just like Komi-san

[benkeibear]

I should not be laughing so much in the office.

Barou

What's your fetish?: Quickle wiper cleaning fetish

Favorite type: someone who likes to clean and can clean with me

You whip out the Quickle wiper tissues and Barou moans. Foreplay consists out of wiping each other down with them so you're all clean. Aftercare will be the same.

[dreamlessimp]

thinking about ego simply forgetting about the hair of those in blue lock. eventually, it’s literally impairing their vision.

people start using headbands to tie back their bangs, and a bunch use colorful hair clips.

you thought they had an odd assortment of hair colors? get ready to see everyone’s head covered in bright blue sweat bands, pink and yellow hair clips, and orange headbands. then ego hires like 30 people to just cut everyone’s hair. they absolutely fawn over chigiri and aryu.

[merlucide]

cheating accusations prank with BLLK boys

notes: I’ve never actually made a smau before lol- it’s actually so fun for what. ALSO so sorry if they are ooc

characters: Chigiri, Reo, Bachira, Rin, Nagi, Isagi

warnings: curse words lol

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I have no idea how to layout things on mobile 😬

made February 6th 2024

PS: If you like my stuff pls comment so I know😊

[startaee]

random bf texts! nagi seishiro x fem! reader

reblogs appreciated !

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5

note: i want a real nagi seishiro pls i need a comfy ball of fluff in the corner of my room PLS,, no warnings except language & reo being a bad influence lmao AND JJK GOJO SPOILER😭

[starreo]

funny ideas they get while being intimate. mdni.

before burying his cock in your fluttering wet hole, he wants to test something out! he wraps his hands around his dick, hovers the tip of his cock over your cunt and tries to spell his name on your entrance.

"guess what i wrote on your cunt-!?" he asks excitedly as you're begging him to put it in already.

gojo satoru. eren, atsumu, ness, reo, itadori, your favs <3

he's going down on you for the first time, ready to devour your slippery cunt, but ooh, he's got an idea-! wouldn't it be so funny if he just blew cold air into your hole?

turns out it wasn't funny, because you queefed and then got embarrassed about it, deciding to just do this some other day.

nice going...loser.

nagi seishiro, kaiser, sunarin, chifuyu, + ur favs

© starreo 2023. do not copy, translate or repost .

[saelique]

“are you tired of me now ? I totally understand if you are-”

“I just literally rambled about you to my friends/teammates/coworkers/mom for one hour.”

isagi , kaiser ? , dazai , gojo , atsushi , yuji , ranpo ? , chuuya ? , tecchou ? , ness ? + ur favs ૮꒰ྀི つ˘ `⸝⸝ ꒱ྀིა

[verysium]

This is such crack brain fart idea 😶

What if some blue lock boys ask the reader what brand her shoes (or something dumb like that) over text and reader sent them a voice message on text and it’s just:

“Hi baby, okay so the brand is—- *insert car accident noises*”

Have you seen those TikToks???

If you do this request, it can be any blue lock boys you want

HELPPP i saw something similar on hinge, and i was hunched over the side of my bed laughing for like 20 minutes. in general, i don't think pranks with any of the bllk boys would go well (unless you wanted to be punted like a football, american-style) but i'm taking a risk today, so here you go:

sae sees through your bullshit in a peloponnesian minute. he has morning practice, three interviews, and a daily nap to get to, so what makes you think he has time for you to fake a car accident? leaves you on read. (brutal, i know.)

rin is mildly concerned, but he's too smart to fall for whatever prank you have planned. he'd probably reply with a sarcastic, dry ass response or a deadpan emoji. refuses to talk to you for the rest of the day because what if you actually got into a car accident? he would lose all sanity. tbh he can't stand it when people make light of serious situations even if it's just a lighthearted joke.

kaiser is petty. he sends you an official funeral invite titled "in loving memory of y/n." he personally designed it in photoshop and even added those tacky glitter rose GIF animations on the front. coincidentally, everyone in your immediate circle also happened to receive the same mass email chain with those invites, so you had to explain to your family, friends, and co-workers that (1) you did not in fact die in a car accident and (2) your funeral is not set for the 15th. (you never played a prank on michael again.)

isagi freaks out. he's calling 911/119, whatever emergency service there is. immediately calls you and nearly breaks down in fear of losing you. when you tell him it was merely a prank, he laughs in relief but internally he's cursing you out with every colorful name in existence.

ness is isagi but even more high-strung. there is no time to call the ambulance in his mind. he's already thundering down the highway looking for the evidence of your car wreck. calls you and screams ballistically into the speaker: "WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU?" so yeah....don't ever play a prank on ness. it's for your sake, not his.

shidou takes you up one notch and sends a picture of himself in the emergency room with a cast on his leg and an IV drip. this spawn of satan took your message literally and decided to copy you and got into a real car accident. so now you have to take time off work and sign the hospital discharge papers because he listed you as his sole emergency contact.

nagi doesn't give a shit. he's already chronically online, and reo's played pranks on him before. probably texts you an "ok" and then tells you he's run out of toilet paper again, so you need to stop by the store to buy some.

reo matches your energy. he replies with: oh yeah, i've heard of that brand. it's the—*insert sound of trucks colliding and screeches across asphalt* you both had a good laugh after.

ok that's all i have for now. this is going to reach a very niche demographic, but you're welcome.

[woyoyw]

Blue lock incorrect quotes

Isagi: Rin, my old arch enemy.

Kaiser: ... I thought I was your arch enemy?

Isagi: I have a life outside of you, Kaiser.

[ii2ko]

MYSTERIOUS CUTIE!

pairing. megumi fushiguro x reader

genre. university & socmed/smau.

synopsis. currently, you’re trying to convince yourself with the help of your friends that you’re not going insane over a cute boy you just met at the office. but… what if they just encourage it and say he’s definitely thinking about you too?

contents/warnings. fem!reader, many ky/ms & die jokes, some jokes, some may be sexual/suggestive but ntm!! but others will appear possibly a little too silly, and very gut wrenching writing (unknown wording)

remindes. status is hiatus + 1st & 2nd yrs are minors.

PROFILES

cutiefuls + geto suguru | wait im goaticklefart25

ALBUM I. COULD YOU BE MY LOVER BOY?

01. im gna throw up.

02. hurry up!

03. weirdo

04. save me. plz.

05. loser

5.5. sukuna’s assumptions

06. shadow the hedhog

07. tba.

comment or send a msg if u wanna be in the taglist! (always open)

updates will come randomly… (like a wheel of fortune)

© ii2ko, 2023. do not edit or copy my work! do not repost onto any other platform. reblogs are appreciated!