#bob the friendly orc

[marz-barz143]

Rewatching the hobbit

Justice for Bob the Friendly Orc, he deserved better :(

[littlemisspractical]

In May 2023 my long-term DnD campaign came to an end, with the Justic Collective (the Paladin named us) defeating the machnations of Bane and saving the world! So I drew us a group portrait!

From right to left we have: Talari, standoffish cleric of Kelevmor on a mission to save her son. Nadia (my character!), friendly barbarian, sworn guardian of the material plane, with Ulva, her direwolf Thoradin, overly-ambitious barbarian with dubious morals Krusk, naieve ex-paladin, who died and came back a Divine Soul sorcerer. His beloved cat Sooty is sat on Thoradin's foot. Dezeldmiir, ex murder cultist monk who is now a Chosen of Bahamut

It was fun to draw and get all the little character details in!

[Image description] Talari, on the left of the group, stands with her hands held in front of her and a slight smile. She is a white half-elf with ginger hair cut in a bob. She is wearing a white shirt, brown trousers, and a black open-fronted robe with a silver holy symbol on the front. Nadia is standing just behind and to her right. She is a tall, muscular, white human woman. She is similing with her eyes closed and her head tilted, with one arm around Krusk. She is wearing a cream tank top decorated with red tufts of fur, brown trouers and fur boots. She has a necklance in the shape of an oak leaf. Krust is standing to Nadia's right with one arm on her shoulder, also similing with his eyes closed. He is a tall half-orc man wearing blue-grey plate armour and a dramatic red cloak. His other hand is resting on Dezeldmiir's shoulder. Ulva the direwolf is stood behind Nadia and Thoradin. She has jumped up to put her front paws on their shoulders, and has her tounge hanging out. She has brown-grey fur and the air of a wolf well pleased with herself. Thoradin is stood in front of Nadia and Krusk. He is a very muscular, white dwarf man, with long, flaming ginger hair and beard. His is grinning confidently with his arms crossed. He is shirtless, with many black tattoos. He wear a wide wrestlers belt, green plaid trousers, and large boots. A small black housecat sits on his foot. Dezeldmiir is standing on the right. She is a petite drow woman with purple skin and lilac hair. She is wearing a blue wrap dress, a silver brooch, and a flower in her hair. She is barefoot. [End image description]

[therealityhelix]

By Talos, This Can't be Happening pt 34

Happy Tamriel Tuesday! The Fighter's Guild is experiencing problems! Who would have guessed?

@cardwrecks @captainbaddecisions

?~?~?~?~?

The Fighter's Guild was not much friendlier in Skingrad, but at least it wasn't his fault this time. A scant handful of people stood clustered together, one-an elf woman-shaking a folded paper at the others.

“It says he defaulted! Defaulted! Who defaults on a contract this easy? Why would he go around telling people he's defaulted? Doesn't he understand how that makes us look?”

“Complaining about money again, I'll bet.” A tall, russet Argonian growled. “As if we don't all take home the same pay for the same work. If he actually did anything, perhaps he would not be so beset by money problems.”

“Guest.” An olive complected man murmured. The Argonian's head snapped up to look at him.

“Heyyy...” Swag gave a little four fingered wave. “Am I interrupting something? Because I can leave.”

“No, no!” the Argonian called. “It's not that important. Come in!”

“Not that-!” the elf woman began indignantly. The Argonian cut her off.

“So, are you looking to join the Guild?” the Argonian asked quickly. “Or perhaps a recruit on the road? We have bed space, if that's what you need. I am Ah-Malz. This is Fadus, and Parwen.”

“Edward. I joined up in Chorrol.” No need to bring up the circumstances.

“Oh, under Vilena herself? They're friendly in Chorrol.”

“Sure.”

“Anyway, you come to get some carnage under your belt? Round here, we hunt goblins. They're everywhere in Colovia. Most of our jobs involve them in some way or another.”

More goblins. He didn't really like that. Yeah, they were trouble. They raided farms, set up ambushes on the roads, tried to tunnel into cities. They killed people. But he couldn't help but think of the cave he and Sky had whirled through like a tornado, The goblin mage on the road dropping like a sack of potatoes with Helix's arrow between its shoulders. She hadn't hesitated.

They were so easy to kill, and he didn't like that. If it was easy, it could get to become a habit. They weren't human, sure, but neither was the Argonian. Or the elf. Or the orc brothers back in Chorrol. It didn't make it okay. When they were enemies, you had to fight back, but that still didn't actually make it okay. Just a bad time for everybody.

“Eh, well, I've had some experience with goblins, yeah. Only signed up like a week or so ago, though, so I'm still getting my feet under me.”

“Oh, you'll run into more if you stay in the area.” Ah-Malz assured. “Me and Parwen have a tally going-”

“Malz, we don't have time for this!” Parwen scolded. “We've got to do something about Maglir!”

“And what do you propose, Wennie?” Ah-Malz asked. “We break down the door of the inn and drag him out by the ears?”

“Maybe.” Fadus said quietly.

“You know he'd just run if he saw any of us.” Parwen grumped. “He knows he's in trouble. He'll bolt the instant he sees us in the window.”

Three sets of musing eyes settled on him, and Swag saw the future.

“Yeah, okay. I'll go get him. Not gonna recognize me, huh? Where is he and what does he look like?”

The West Weald Inn was a crowded place, deceptively large on the inside, like the rest of the towns buildings. It was cozy, warm, and full of people, and one of them was Helix. He spotted her curled bob and goblin skull staff at the bar, the woman behind it pointing towards a door on the far wall.

“Hey baby, come here often?” he teased sliding up next to her.

“Nah, hot stuff, I'm new in town. Maybe you can show me around.” she teased back. “But first, looks like I found that alchemist they mentioned back at Fort Virtue.”

“Hey great! I got sent to shake down an awol fighter. It think it's that shortstack over there.”

His eyes had landed on a short, broad figure in dented iron armor, sitting by himself next to a window he kept glaring suspiciously out.

“Oh, that sounds like a pain. Have fun!”

“Can I get you something?” the woman behind the bar asked, as he watched Helix slip into the cellar.

“Hmm. Got anything non-alcoholic? Aw, c'mon.” he said at her condescending stare. “I made a promise, all right?”

Swag approached Maglir's table with a large mug of mulled grape juice-a specialty of the town. It turned out the barkeep wasn't mad that he dared to repudiate drunkenness in her establishment, it was that she thought he was an idiot for not knowing. Skingrad was famous for its grapes and tomatoes specifically; everybody had juice.

And now, so did he.

“Hey man, this spot taken?” he asked, and the elf glared up at him.

To Maglir, Swag probably wouldn't look like anything more than just another traveler passing through. He was all long thin lines, an exclamation point of a man, and he was aware of it. Even his armor was the lightest possible, and not yet broken in. With his distinctive hairstyle and handsome face, the rings in his ears and question mark pendant, he probably looked like more of a poseur than anything.

The elf grunted and glanced back out the window.

Swag set down his drink and took a seat.

“I only ask 'cause it seems like you're looking for someone.” he said.

“No one you're likely to know. What do you want, anyway?”

“A place to sit next to the window. My girl's wanting to talk to the alchemist here, so I might be waiting for a while.”

“Huh. Sounds like my wife when she gets into the fabric shop.”

“Ah. Looking for some time away?” Swag asked, nodding knowingly. Maglir shook his head.

“No, that's not it. She's lovely, really. Better than I deserve.”

“I know that feeling.”

“It's just that things are rough recently, and the assassination has made things many times worse.”

“Oh?” Swag raised one eyebrow. “Rough? Like, you havin' trouble getting work?”

Maglir scoffed.

“Work? Oh, yes, I can get work. What I can't get is pay! Look at this!”

The elf tossed a folded note across the table at him. He plucked it up and read over the contents.

“...A journal? Just that? A journal left in a cave? Who leaves a journal in a cave?”

“I don't know! Some fool mage, a hermit, a philosopher. Somebody did. I even went out there to get it, like a good little boot, and you know what I found?”

“Bats?”

“Monsters! Gobs of em! Barely even saw them, but almost lost my head! They sent me out there alone, into a cave full of monsters. It's like they want their recruits to die!”

“Who's they?” Swag asked. “Just so I can watch my back, you know?”

“Fighter's guild. I swear, you adventurers don't know much about organization, do you?”

“Nah, we fly by the seat of our pants. So what I'm getting', and correct me if I'm wrong, but your Fighter's Guild sent you out by yourself to get a lost book. Simple soundin' job on the face of it, but when you got there, it was way worse than you thought it'd be, so you came back and...gave up?”

Maglir grimaced.

“Doesn't sound good when you put it that way. More like I refuse to leave my children without a father because of some fool's errand. It used to be they'd send out two or even three of us for a job that dangerous! And the pay was better too. Now they spread us thin and throw us scraps. Hasn't been the same since the Donton boy died.”

Donton? Vilena's son? The boy had been alive when they'd left Chorrol, had something happened in the meantime?

“So basically, it's a strike.”

“So basically, I'm not going to die for a soggy book and a scant handful of coin. No, someone else can do this. You can do this, I don't care.”

Swag tucked the note into his belt. He wasn't sure he wanted to go into a monster infested cave in search of a soggy book either. But he could return the contract to the Guild at least.

Maglir complained for a while longer before finishing his drink and eventually leaving, but he left Swag with some interesting tidbits.

The Fighter's guild was on a downturn. They'd been losing recruits, taking bad contracts, losing good contracts. A rival organization was rising to challenge them. Vilena Donton had two sons, but not anymore, and after the loss of the eldest, had been shirking her duties, making everything worse. The individual Guildhalls had been left isolated, and some simply didn't have the leadership to hold together.

Looked like he'd come at a bad time.

Helix slid into Maglir's vacated seat and stole a pull of Swag's drink.

“Hello beautiful. Where have you been all my life?”

“In the cellar.” she said. “Sindarion's definitely got the info I wanted, but he's stingy with it. The plant is called Nirnroot, and prefers waterside real estate. He knows a way to use it, but he won't tell me. If I find more, I'll need to bring it to him to get anything out of it.”

“So all the both of us got outta this was headaches. Oh well. It's not like we were gonna spend a whole lot of time here.”

He encouraged her to finish his juice, then they headed back out into the busy streets. The elf at the Fighter's Guild nearly tore out her hair when Swag returned the contract to them, but he just shrugged and pointed out that he had a prior obligation he had to see to before he even thought about picking anything else up.

Besides, Swag figured a group that was so gung-ho to count goblin heads could take on a cave of monsters without too much trouble. Unless, of course, they really had been setting Maglir up.

His razor was ready, and they managed to get their rations topped up, so they stopped by the Mages Guildhall for a quick lunch, and headed for the western gate.

This side of the city boasted the tomato fields, which stretched out far into the low hills, trellises of long vines laden with colorful fruits. Helix told him about the different kinds as they walked, about determinate and indeterminate varieties, and about which tomatoes were best for which culinary applications. There were far more types than he would have guessed, but Helix liked tomatoes and grew many different sorts in her garden home, so he'd seen quite a few.

He reached over the fence and plucked a deep red one.

“D'ya think you could grow this kind? In your house?” he asked.

“Unfortunately no. When we leave, we probably won't be able to take anything with us.” she said. “At least, that's how it worked last time.”

“Ah well.” Swag sliced the fruit in half and handed her a piece. “Snack for the road then.”

The road curled around the city, away from their destination, and so they stepped into the wilds at a picturesque little pond where Helix discovered another Nirnroot chiming softly between the roots of a lonely tree. The countryside here was mostly open meadows and rolling hills dotted with sparse little copses of straight, thin trees. It was very pretty; bees hummed above the flowers, and occasionally a deer or rabbit scampered off over the hilltops. This landscape felt less hostile to him than the thick forests surrounding Chorrol, but maybe that was just because he could see further. It was still just as wild and unfamiliar, but the sky was visible, and there were no deep shadows or mist for the unknown to hide in.

Which was how he was able to see the wolf coming.

It was huge and grungy, with an odd look in its eyes. At least, Swag thought it was odd; he'd never seen a wolf face to face before.

Helix loosed an arrow: it flew wide, and the wolf didn't even pause, rushing towards them too quickly for Helix to nock another arrow. Swag swung his cane. The wolf caught it in its massive jaws, wrenching it out of his hands like a dog with a stick. Yanked off his feet, he crashed to his knees, face to wild animal face.

Swag bashed it with his fist.

His gauntlets flashed with dazzling light, a miniature crack of thunder, and the wolf staggered. Flesh sagged under the fur, fell away from the creature's head.

“The actual fuck?”

“It's a zombie!” Helix cried. Shouldering her bow, she flicked her hand out flinging a lighting bolt that blasted the undead beast apart.

“Ahg, that's fucking gross!” Swag hopped to his feet, shaking zombie bits off his armor. “It's not in my hair is it? Tell me it's not in my hair.”

Helix said nothing.

“Noooo, get it off!”

He leaned down, allowing her to pluck something from his head and toss it away.

“I need a million showers, and I need them right now.”

“We could go back to that little pond.” she suggested. Swag whined, and she took his hand, leading him back.

She rested on a rock while he washed, watching the horizon.

“See anything?”

“No. But I don't like that that thing was out there. It's not normal to just find undead wandering the wilds. Especially not animals. People's skeletons and ghosts can maybe rise spontaneously from cursed gravesites or haunted battlefields, but a zombie animal has to be made. Who made it? Why was it out there?”

“Are we sure we want to find out?”

“We might not be able to avoid it.”

“Then fuck it. So...why did my hand explode when I punched that thing?”

“Lemmie see your glove.”

Swag peeled off one of Rasheda's gauntlets and handed it over. She turned it over in her hands, closely examining the joints and stitches, making thoughtful sounds.

“Well?”

“Damn good workmanship. I didn't even notice until now. She's enchanted them with shock magic. She must've really liked you.”

Swag took the glove back.

“Yeah, we got along.”

“I heard. There were a few people who really wanted me to know. Didn't seem to believe me when I said I didn't care.”

Swag scowled.

“Not our problem if they don't understand us.”

“Nah, that's a them problem.”

She took his hand and they walked through the meadow, the honey scent of sun-warmed clover just barely covering an underlying whiff of rot.

?~?~?~?~?

[memento-morianon]

excerpt masterpost

Bonus bits for the funeral party for future revisions:

Evarin made her way through the crowd, approaching the stage to wait for Morianon once he had removed his costume. But instead, she found him crouched at the edge of the stage, still fully in costume, tilting his masked head at a gaggle of giggling children just below him. She paused and watched with a gleam in her eyes as he bounced on his feet, flapping his wings to the amusement of the children. He hopped off the stage and landed amongst them, making one elf child squeal in startled delight. The children, all of different species, crouched and tucked their arms into the shape of wings and mimicked Morianon’s funny little dance, following him in a small circle with bobbing heads and skipping feet.

“Careful,” Evarin piped up, walking over to tease her husband, “the Takran is a tricky bird. You never know where it might be leading you.”

“Usually they lead you to food,” Morianon tutted, leaning forward to feign a peck at her pocket. “Have you brought any fish for the hungry Takran?”

“If you don’t, he’ll eat you!” one of the goblin children shouted, throwing lor hands in the air and tackling an orc child playfully.

“Oh, well I had better make sure he gets his fish then,” Evarin chuckled, “come along, Takran, before you get so hungry you start eating the children.”

“Aw, I was only going to nibble them a little,” Morianon flicked his tail and poked his mask’s beak towards the children, making them shriek with laughter and run off. He stood up and removed his mask, sighing cheerfully. “Alright, I’ll save the rest of the act for the new year’s festival.”

“You do make a perfect Takran,” Evarin said, taking him by the arm.

(to be added in place of the current scene where Evarin goes to find Mori.)

— — —

Kaen leaned hard on Morianon’s shoulder, swinging an arm around him.

“Loved your dance,” he said, “watching you flap around up there is always a good time.” He laughed and waved his hand towards the stage. Morianon half crouched under his weight, baring his teeth slightly.

“Are you already drunk?” he asked.

“I’m a cultured individual, Morianon,” Kaen stated, holding his cup in the air, “it’s orcish tradition to drink your heart out for a funeral. And who am I to deny traditions?” He pulled Morianon closer as he took a swig from his cup.

“Ugh, at least do it without using me as an arm rest,” Morianon shoved him away with his wing. Kaen stumbled slightly but retained his balance.

“Alright, alright, don’t get your tail in a twist. Hey, speaking of funerals though-“

“No, you can’t taxidermy my wings when I die,” Morianon replied flatly, ruffling his feathers and squinting suspiciously at his brother in law. Kaen giggled.

“Aw, come on I didn’t even ask yet! It’s not like you’re going to keep using them! They could be a family heirloom!”

“Drop the topic before I call Raisha over here.” Morianon crossed his arms and gave Kaen a pointed look.

“Oh, fine, fine, fine, I’ll leave it be.” Kaen waved his hand and winked.

(not sure where this could go, just thought it would be a hilarious way to introduce Kaen’s taxidermy hobby and the ongoing friendly tension between him and Morianon as brothers in law)

[bureauofoverbalence]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32855515/chapters/131506480

Not to be Confused with a 'Coffee Shop AU' : New Update . rest of chapter under the cut or follow the link for the full thing.

chapter 21 Secret Drinks Menu.

Mrs Cosie is flattered; but mostly baffled. And she gives Angus many many “What on Faerun-?” looks.

Angus can only shrug and make a “These crazy customers, right?” smiles right back.

It kind of works. There is after all an awful lot of weirdos in the neighbourhood. Even more so since he started working here.

Its as if Everyone he’s ever met seems to be rocking up to Neverwinter. Especially to check out the Old Mill Tearooms.

“Heeeey Aaaangus.”

It is a good and a bad thing Mrs Cosie had asked him to sweep the front steps. Good because his colleagues don’t see him look up squatting from his dustpan. Bad because it means he looks like a real plonker, even from her height.

Mavis. Or more Mavis and a large group of giggly friends, mostly girls. And a dwarven woman supervising Angus assumes to be Hecuba and some other mothers.  They’re making a weekend of a big city trip out combining some eighteenth birthday party or another with Looking at the universities. 

Which of course had open days on at the same time. Angus himself had set up the Murder Mysteries Club and   Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop fan club booths last night ready for it. And now it turns out the big table with RESERVED at the back of the shop for ‘an afternoon tea with all the trimmings’ for a party of twelve that Angus had got ready was also for them too.

Angus had an odd sort of not quite rivalry with his ‘other cousin’ Mavis. Not like a prank war or anything academic. But they’d been very competitive over things like how many books the other had read over summer or who’s dad did the craziest thing last. It was friendly. Sweet even. but there was always some sort of catty underlying competition of trying to get one up on each other. 

Mookie isn’t with her at least, (her brother maybe older now. But even as a tween he is still as ever a rowdy little scamp.) And Mavis is Nothing like Magnus or Taako. Mavis didn’t even draw attention after hello. 

She doesn’t have to. When back inside and sat down eating, her friends are Twisting around in their seats Looking, whispering and giggling. At Angus. Or about him.

More so as the attention causes Angus to blush and sweat and fumble and screw up orders. 

“What's that buzzing noise?” asked Pam, confused.

The buzzing noise is Angus’s pocket. Because his stone is blowing up. Mavis unfortunately seems to have given out his stone frequency. Absolutely not okay. And it’s going off like billy-o. Which is distracting, even on vibrate. Angus had only had it on him not in his locker because he’s been waiting on a call from Professor Miller about his latest mock exam scores. He has to turn it off in the end. Lucas is very unimpressed to be left to go to voicemail.

Lucretia and the Bob Squad return too. With extra Robbie. Well sort of.  thankfully not on that same day as the Mavis incident. And also, thankfully separately rather than a big group. AND a lot more meekly, too.

Team Sweet Flips are trying to go for a covert thing? Wearing everyday clothes and trying not to be noticed.  or at least pass for a totally normal Orc and Dragonborn couple. Carey even keeps her hands to herself, hoping to get on Mrs Cosie's good side.  It doesn’t work. Mrs Cosie, on recognising them instantly, tracks their every movement from her stance in the kitchen doorway; to make sure there’s no misbehaviour. Even if the wives are just on a coffee date.

Avi calls in the next day. He makes finger guns at Angus as he passes him cleaning tables. Which was cool. And makes a joke about ‘rough day at the office’ and hip flasks and spiking his drink. A joke that doesn’t sit right with the nervous but prim Dotty who gives him his drink. Which wasn’t as cool. Angus knew Avi didn’t mean it that way. But the impression that the guy in charge of firing people earthside is an alcoholic or working while drunk can’t look good for the BOB.

Robbie leans on the counter as he orders three cakes to himself, and he hasn’t brushed his teeth again. Which wasn’t a complaint on Robbie’s cleanliness, just the fact the guy ate a ton of raw garlic nowadays. Something to do with being worried about getting possessed again. (thanks Barry!) Angus tries really hard not to wrinkle his nose, even with his customer service voice. But he can’t help but cough when Robbie leaves the café for a smoke outside, sticking to high heaven of pipe weed when he comes back in. Robbie doesn’t so much eat the cakes as mostly just make a mess of crumbs. He does however make a half assed attempt to sweep up after himself. and curiously, is greeted warmly by Mrs Cosie with many tellings-off (affectionate).

When Angus mentions it to Florence between classes the next time he sees her, Flo dishes the lukewarm goss.

“Pringles? Lovely guy. We even dated for a bit.  and I still go to his sister’s candle nights parties. He and Ms Cosies are fourth cousins three times removed? He’s her favourite younger cousin though, she can never say no to him.”  Florence giggles. Then says very seriously. “I'm glad we don’t work together anymore, mind. You know he almost set the kitchen on fire? Got stoned on his break and let all the buns burn. I don’t know how he ever got into such a prestigious place as the Bureau!”

“Must be some really good reason.” Angus says. It’s true. No one had ever given him a straight answer on that. Only that Robbie was good at maths. And jokes about the Director needing a weed/ drugs guy.

“True. Can you imagine working with a guy like that though? On the Moon?” Flo laughs.

“Not really,” Angus laughs back. Which is also true, Angus can’t imagine. No word of a lie technically Robbie had been in jail the entire of Angus’s workings as a seeker. But he has heard enough stories…

Speaking of the Director and the moon base, Angus doesn’t see Lucretia. (Although they have arranged to have their own coffee and catch up for next week on the moon. it was supposed to be this week, but Lucretia’s schedule is more hectic and changeable then his own.) She must have come in on his day off as promised? and Angus has a horrible feeling both her and Lup have also been in together when he’s not there. There’s thankfully no more tales tipping five gold. 

but Mrs Cosie does get a delivery of fine spices, flours and herbs that she is adamant didn’t order, but someone else had already paid for. a gift it seems. It's almost a crate. It takes Angus, Dale Big Brenda and Gora’thien the Blood-Soaked to get it inside.

“there’s all sorts in there. All quality. Bulk bags and with a trade standard seal.” She says puzzled. Cosies’ old mill gets the odd delivery outside of its usual. sometimes even samples from other businesses or her suppliers giving her a freebie. Or a friend sending something for one of the many many halfling holidays? Candied ginger or Candied peel for example is traditionally sent out to one's far away friends and relatives when one is celebrating a birthday. (it's what keeps the shops ginger biscuits and orange cakes in such good supply!)

but never did the tea shop get sent this fancy or this much! Halfling Hospitality is very welcoming of gifts. But they are bit wary of surprises. Including surprises of massive parcels with no sender information to send a thank you note to. 

The itemised delivery form is passed around the staff as Mrs Cosie wonders if anyone knew who was behind it. Angus nearly shrieks when he sees the order. Not so much because of what is on it. But the so-called company making the delivery was from a certain Boob S. Quire.

A Boob S. Quire who signs their name in very familiar neat print with a flourish on the first letter.

Angus has to go out back, and physically bite into his hat in frustration, before returning to work like nothing had happened. Dammit Lucretia!

Brad is the only normal one of the bunch. Well as near normal as an orc in a polo shirt can be. although it does seem like he’s flirting with Quorf the Sorcerer as he takes his order. Brad orders flat white to go, pays, and comments on the weather to the person behind him in the queue. and only gives Angus a spell of encouraging bardic inspiration. Subtle. He then smiles bye and drops a few bronze coins in the tip jar before he leaves. Like a normal fucking person. Which in a way is worse! Because then Angus must put up with a lovesick Quorf the Sorcerer sighing for the rest of day. and wishing aloud repeatedly he’d given his stone number to the handsome orc dude. or gotten Angus to write it on his cup. It makes Dale very jealous all the while.

(Angus didn’t write Quorf the Sorcerer's number on the cup. but he does play matchmaker a little. He lets Brad know the Quorf called him handsome, works Wednesdays and his favourite band is the Spice Ghouls. But he doesn’t interfere further than that.)

It’s not just to the Birds, the High-Church’s or the BOB either.  Over the next few days, along with Taako (again) Angus sees every one he’s ever met. And then some he’s only heard of from Tres Horny Boys’ stories.

Hurley and Sloane, for example, walk into the shop both clad in beautiful spring blossoms. Angus didn’t think dryads could stray too far from their tree. Goldcliff was quite a ride away, wasn’t it? Or that dryads even drank tea. but never mind, they still ordered a pot of red bush tea and a jango cake each.

June and Paloma are up in the city on holiday and like Magnus become very regular visitators over the week. Although Mrs Cosie doesn’t use magic in her actual baking, she and Paloma have some great chin wags lasting many an afternoon. and probably ended up on each other's Candle nights card lists.

Klarg and his bug-bear family do indeed like the tea shop. They also arrive with Jess the Beheader in tow all in their gear, between bouts and touring. They mob Angus much like the Bob did. And pile free merch and t-shirts on him and folks working or in line. Klarg must have tried at least fifteen different teas.

Graham in his polished train uniform, complete with Juicy on the pants, is now a regular. A regular who always always orders a horrible combination of drinks. He becomes the reason for Dale throwing the bottle of strawberry syrup (pump and all) out the back door with a call of “and stay out!”. Another time Graham the Juicy train Conductor comes in, he orders what he then christens a Mocci-mocca-do-dah. Twinkle tries making themselves the same drink to try it. It smells foul. and taste wise they, Angus and Ruby spend the shift feeling rather sick from it.

Garfield the Deals Warlock enters. He sees Angus wiping tables. And leaves the tearoom with a loud, “NOPE. NO THANK YOU.”

And not five minutes after another Taako visit, Lucas fucking Miller shows up.

He doesn’t do or say anything in particular. or even acknowledge Angus, bar a hello. Or do anything to make it clear he was a headmaster or Miller of miller Tech. But he is an irritating person and thus an irritating patron just by being himself.

Ren returns. this time with Mayor Cassidy in tow. Or more, on her arm. If it’s a coffee date, then angus is happy for them. but did it have to be on one of his shifts?!

And then there’s that One guy. The vibes are bad. Even after he leaves…

Then there’s a customer that Angus is sure is a reporter asking silly questions. but Angus is quick to avoid him. Only to then sigh as another customer asks, “when will Magnus be back?” when Angus tries to take their order. Folk i.e. fans have come to the tea shop because they heard Burnsides was there last week and are expecting him to return. 

Some people, strangers, have also noticed a pattern of when Kravitz or Lup will come in too. something Angus had been dreading. Bird spotters have started popping in. or just standing outside not ordering anything. Which was weird and bad for business. Two even come in cosplay.

One creep even has an autograph book. and maybe twigging that ‘Ang from the tea shop’ is also Angus the world's greatest detective, Taako’s apprentice, the unofficial eighth or ninth bird, said creep just spends the afternoon ordering coffee and staring at Angus. Like he’s waiting for something to happen. After an hour, Mrs Cosie comes out of the kitchen and instantly notices that the nerd with the book is making Angus uncomfortable. and politely kicks the creep out the shop. But he’s still hovering around the back entrance even when the tea shop shuts for the evening.

The guy only takes the hint to leave when Flo suddenly changes into a bloody big wolf right in front of him and chases him off down the street. backed up by Big Brenda and Gora’thien the Blood-Soaked swinging their weapons and half a dozen spells of the more magically inclined workers. 

But they all think it’s one of the young girls the guy was near- stalking. Angus doesn’t say anything to let them think any different. If that creep was able to work it out, how long till more weirdos start showing up to Mrs Cosies neighbourhood?

It's all too much. He doesn’t want to quit his job but by Thursday Angus is exhausted. By Friday Angus is beginning to dread going into work. He even takes the day off from his extra credit lectures just for a nap!

Unfortunately, Saturday, the day of the Merles’ BBQ, was the very worst.

And the very very VERY worst of Taako visits to the teashop…

++

Thanks for reading see you next sunday.

[miss-m-winks]

(image description: a page of pencil and ink drawings titled "lesbian visibility!" From top to bottom, here are my lesbian characters that I've drawn here:

Jane and Ran. Jane is a tall elf woman with pale skin and long curly hair, wearing a pleated tank top and skirt. Her features are very angled and her arms look very strong, with broad shoulders. Next to her, Ran is a shorter woman with a round face and a chubby body, with straight black hair pulled into a topknot. Her skin is also pale, but her features are more asian while Jane is clearly white. Ran is wearing a buttoned vest and half-length sleeves as well as a pair of pants with pockets.

Next is Ashe and Kihm. Kihm is an orc woman with a chin length bob and short bangs. She is wearing an off-the-shoulder peasant blouse and skirt. Ashe is a dwarf woman Kihm is holding in her arms, and also receiving a cheek kiss from. Kihm has dark skin and afro style hair with a matching beard. She is wearing a halter top dress. Both Ashe and Kihm are built like brick walls.

Last but not least is Loreli, a young gnome/elf trans woman with straight black shoulder length hair. She is wearing a flower and a couple of feathers in her hair, and a sleeveless dress with a pleated skirt. She is waving her hands by her shoulders. She is skinny and very short.

end description.)

Happy day of lesbian visibility! I was gonna make a full color image of my lesbian ladies, but ran out of time. Ah well.

further character details under the cut cuz my descriptions get long haha.

Jane is a very athletic femme lesbian, who has overcome a lot of health issues from her childhood and still has to deal with a good number of food allergies, but she gets by. She married Ran, who is actually Jane's younger adopted brother's (Kouto) childhood betrothed from before he was orphaned. It is a whole dang romantic comedy drama lol. Ran was a sheltered young lady from a wealthy family in her home country, shy and a little overprotected. Then she figured out she was a lesbian and was introduced to gender nonconformity and her childhood betrothed's hot older sister and she had a massive personal identity crisis. Now she is a squishy butch woman who loves her very strong femme wife very much. Her parents are confused but they've accepted this exploitation of loopholes as a decent way to close off the betrothal contract.

Kihm and Ashe are the close friends of Evelyn, the bisexual butch trans woman my protagonist Morianten married. They are a trio of wrestlers! Ashe and Kihm are not yet married, but they are a devoted couple, always up for sparring matches with their friend Evelyn. They're both quite femme.

Loreli is Morianten and Jane's adopted younger sister. She is trans and also autistic, mostly nonverbal. At the moment, she is single. Her methods of communication take a while to get used to, which can make dating tricky, but she has had girlfriends in the past and simply hasn't found someone she feels like she can fully commit to in a permanent relationship. And that's okay! She maintains friendly relationships with all her exes. Her main interests tend to be jewelry making, dancing, and of course Girls. She also chose not to transition with any medical operations. She loves Morianten's wife Evelyn as her sister-in-law and fellow trans woman who didn't do much to alter her body. They're very close.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Sailor.”

Decided to take a break from the main story-line. I want to go back to working with krill for a while, allowing him to experience different kinds of people and situations, so if you have any ideas, I am open, though weather or not I will get to them is another matter entirely. 

Te chopper blades whirled overhead so deafeningly loud that Krill couldn’t hear himself think. Leave it up to the humans to create a piece of technology that got them into the air by attaching a giant fan to the top of it, or giant spinning blades of death. It actually offended him that they didn’t use some kind of hover-craft, which he was sure they had. However, Commander Vir had said that the Navy didn’t have a whole lot of “funding” anymore so their technology tended to be older than dirt.

Krill didn’t think anything would be older than dirt, but stopped short of correcting the human when he realized it was probably just some sort of saying. But now, here he was trapped inside this loud, metal container, feeling the wind buffet them back and forth as Commander Vir adjusted the pedals.

Krill had no idea that the Commander could even fly a helicopter, be here it was. 

The guy could probably fly a cardboard box if it had a big enough engine.

Beside him sat the Navy pilot surprisingly eager to learn from the more experienced man, and the two kept a light string of conversation over the headsets. The second guy was on lend from the Naval office as an assistant of sorts. The commander seemed confused, but apparently it was common for higher ranking officers to have subordinates to lick their boots and hand them things.

Commander vir hadn’t gotten that memo.

The original pilot pointed out the front and the helicopter tilted just slightly.

Krill lifted up a bit to look out the front window, but was mostly blinded by sunlight as it reflected off water.

Commander Vir flew the helicopter in low aiming for the helicopter pad on the back end of the ship.

He managed to maintain a hover just above  the circle surprised when, “It’s moving!”

“Yes sir, we are on water.”

“Its not supposed to be moving.” he said to himself trying to determine the best way to let down.

“Just get her in close commander than drop her when she comes back up.” The pilot instructed, pleased that they could teach something to a superior officer, though the way the man talked it was hard to remember all those fancy ribbons on his dress grey.

He was a pretty good listener too, and didn’t back down from a fight, lowering himself towards the deck and then timing it just so it placed when the ship swung back up.

It was a minute movement, but still could have thrown anyone off.

As soon as they touched down and the commander cut the engines, Krill could feel the light rocking.

He, and the others stepped out onto deck. 

Krill stopped in his tracks eyes staring out at a scene he had only seen through the small windows of the ship. A vast and unending horizon of water on all sides. Tiny white capped waves rolled up and down as the massive steel ship bobbed below him. He turned in a wide circle, staring off at the vast horizons and stretches of water so wide.

They were the only ones here, nothing else in sight.

He grew a bit dizzy.

“Good morning Commander.”

Krill turned to watch as the ships XO (executive officer walked forward to greet the man with a firm handshake. He was surprised at the youth of the commander, he was older than a good portion of his men, but younger than a lot fo them too. The Captain was in his early forties, this man almost young enough to  be his son.

“A pleasure captain.” At his back the Lieutenant stood stiffly waiting to be used for some reason or another.

“I heard you were coming, to what do we owe the pleasure.”

Commander Vir glanced out at the sloshing waves with some unease, “I wanted to come down to observe the operation of your ship, Captain. I am afraid to say that current UNSC protocols are still being made, and I thought Navy and UNSC vessels are similar enough I might due to take some lessons from the way things are run.”

The man smiled, “Well, sir generally the brass doesn’t sail. In the Navy you would have a cushy job somewhere on land behind a desk.”

“String me up when that day comes.”

“You and I feel the same way then. The sea is my life, Been sailing since I was a kid, and I couldn’t imagine what I’d do without her.

Commander Vir nodded, “its flying for me.”

Krill glanced around the ship, watching as men and women worked on objects that he did not know, wearing uniforms he did not recognize. They were led down onto the deck, and Commander Vir stumbled a few times, unsteady on the moving platform.

The captain grinned, easily riding the gentle rocking motion as if they weren’t moving, “Someone has yet to get their sea legs.”

Commander Vir gripped the railing, “Fun fact. I’ve never actually been on a boat, at least not larger than a canoe.

Behind him, Krill simply tried floating to avoid having to move, but found the boat deck moving below him, and a gentle sea breeze pushing him back. In panic he set down on the deck again.

“Seems strange, someone who pilots a ship,”

“No such thing as space legs.” The commander commented gingerly letting go of the railing. We have gravity mats that make it just like earth, and there is no wind or water to make us move. Steadier than riding in a car, and once the acceleration is done there is no way to know you are even moving.

The man shook his head, “Can’t imagine wanting to fly in space, being trapped inside a tin can that, if it malfunctions my eyeballs would be sucked out of their sockets.”

“Actually that doesn’t happen. You would freeze first, while your blood boiled off anyway.”

The man gave him a look, “You’re insane.”

“I’m insane! At least its better than drowning, or being eaten by sharks.”

The captain waved a hand, “I can’t remember the last time someone in the navy actually drowned.”

Commander vir eyed the edge of the ship nervously.

“Anyway, Commander, I am glad we could be of service, truth be told us sailors arent needed all that much anymore now that wars tend to take place in space and off world. Most of the stuff we do includes tracking down pirates and saving dumbass civilians who don’t know what a red sky at morning means.”

Commander Vir stared at hi blankly.

The man frowned, “You don’t know do you.”

“Can’t say I do.”

“Red sky at morning sailors take warning. Meaning there’s going to be bad weather?”

He shrugged, “Why not just use radar for that.”

“The man looked almost offended, “Thousands of years of accumulated knowledge, and you just want to use radar?” 

Krill watched in silence keeping notes in one of his cortical hemispheres as he listened. It was strange, by all rights these two men should have been similar in a lot of ways. When it came right down to it  a UNSC vessel and a Navy one were pretty much the same and included a lot of the same sort of things on board. Even the two men were similar in their almost rabid love of the place they worked. One and knew more about the ocean than krill thought there was no know, while the Commander had a handle on space that no other man in the history of humanity ever had.

To krill’s surprise it turned out there was some actual sill to floating on a large body of water. The man talked about the currents, and the weather patterns, and the way the ship liked to ride them. 

Space vs ocean, and neither man seemed to understand why the other would want to go anywhere near the other’s domain.

The Navy captain also seemed to be having a right old time watching commander vir stumble into things as he adjusted to his “sea legs.”

Krill had no idea what that meant, but he kind of doubted it was what it sounded like. The saying made hi think the human was going to spontaneously grow new legs for walking on the ship, but the more likely explanation seemed that the human body would get used to the constant moving, so the person would no longer have trouble when walking.

Krill didn’t really need sea legs, though he marveled at how the humans could seem to work so normally on a rolling surface when their balance was already unbelievable.

Around the ship, the regular Navy men were more than a bit tickled to see a member of the brass (UNSC or otherwise) wobble about like a ‘drunken’ sailor. Mostly it was funny and partially it made them feel superior to someone who would usually have that edge over them.

Eventually the Commander go the hang of it and accompanied the Captain to the bridge and around the ship to see how things worked taking occasional notes, but eventually ordering the Lt. to do it for him as, “Your fidgeting is making me nervous, so have something to do.”

Krill got stared at, a lot, but that was pretty normal for him, and, on one occasion, a call went out from one of the men on deck, and an entire group of them rushed over to one side, pointing at the water. The captain led them over just in time to watch in awe as a massive creature breached the surface of the water. Krill stepped back as the massive shape slowly tilted backwards and water erupted around it.

The captain turned to look at the commander with a smug expression, “Guess you didn't get to see that in space.”

He was a little less pleased to see the commander smirking at him, “Perhaps not…” he let it trail off there, though his grin was rather telling.

“What! You’re not telling e there are space wales.”

“I am not at liberty to discuss that, captain.”

Krill wasn’t entirely sure if their teasing was friendly or if their rivalry was something more than that.

Either way the captain did get the last laugh, as sitting inside the ship the commander didn’t touch his food head resting back against the wall, eyes closed. As a doctor, krill couldn’t help but notice the parlor that had fallen over his face. He was about to ask the commander if he was feeling ok when the captain strolled up, his turn to look smug and took a seat, “Don’t worry, a lot of people get seasick their first time. But I’m sure that’s not a problem in space.”

“Cosmic hysteria is worse.” The commander muttered.

“A bit green about the gills there. Do you want e to get you a bag.”

The commander frowned, but didn’t open his eyes.

“I thought you were a fighter pilot, shouldn’t you be immune to motion sickness.”

The human was teasing him, but commander Vir felt to sick to respond. He was very much determined to keep his lunch down, but knew that was going to be a losing battle. 

He could hear the sailors laughing as he bolted upright and sprinted to the edge of the deck mouth salivating so badly he was sure he was going to drip on his uniform.

Nothing was funnier to the crew than a member of the brass who couldn’t hold in his lunch on a ship.

Krill personally found a couple of things interesting, number one being the ardent glee that the other humans experienced upon watching the suffering of another. It seemed to be a common theme in humans, enjoying watching someone in power over you get what they deserve It seemed to make underlings feel superior in some way where they normally wouldn't. Through their ribbing was generally light-hearted and nothing worse beyond that.

Second being the human’s strange ability to become sick because of unpredictable rocking motions. He had never seen an alien with that issue, though, upon looking into it with the crew physician, he learned that humans, while having the best sense of kinesthetic awareness out of most of the species, that had to do with the placement of liquid inside the ear canal that moved with the movement of the head.

Constant movement that was in contradiction to the movement of the eyes, or caused the sloshing to become confused inside the ears could cause a reaction in the brain that simulated poisoning.

You see one of the first signs of neurotoxin is dizziness and the body responds with nausea. When movement causes the fluid in the ears to become jumbled and confused, the rain interprets this in the same way and responds with nausea.

Quite fascinating, and Krill couldn’t help feel his own sense of satisfaction knowing he couldnt get seasick.

Although he was ore than happy to get off this moving metal tube of death.

Leave it to humans to figure out a way to make metal float and then decide to spend days at a time on it.

Humans who loved large bodies of water were insane.

Though most humans were insane he supposed 

[cockasinthebird]

hi i just read your tags on the arm wrestling thing and???? please?? write that???? please i need it i might actually start crying rn but i am hungover so lets blame it on that ily

Hiiii! Before you even sent this ask I was thinking about it hahahahaha, aaaaand I hope this is satisfactory work!

Tagging @thinger-strang because they seemed quite interested as well~

Hope you feel better soon bby, ily2!!! Drink plenty of water!

-

Hand in hand, elbows firm on the dining table, gazes locked unblinkingly so, they’re connected tightly this late afternoon.

It was a usual Saturday at first - the gang was in the middle of their intense DnD session; a hobby they decided to move to the Harrington mansion because here there’s no parents to interrupt and, frankly, better snacks.

A decision paired well with how Billy has been helping Steve out with his tower of homework once a week for the last half a year or so, and Max is elated because it means she doesn’t need to get a dorky bike when she can just hitch a ride with her step-brother.

Billy and Steve were, metaphorically, elbow deep in English literature, homework on Edgar Allan Poe and the “romantic era” of poetry, which to Billy isn’t exactly something he wants to study so closely with the one guy he can’t ever stop thinking about; can’t ever have.

So when the little brats shouts for them, interrupting whatever Steve was asking about, gesturing with those hands, hair smelling so fucking good of expensive shampoo- what is that? Lavender?

The six of them trot into the dining room, Max looking horribly exasperated, arms crossed and rolling her eyes as Will and Dustin fight about something way too loudly.

“Hey!” Billy shouts but they don’t stop. “Hey!” Louder this time and it visibly shakes poor Will. “What is it?” 

“Well, we were on our way to fight this dragon, ordered by lord-” Mike starts explaining but stops promptly as Billy raises his hand up.

“The short version, we’re kinda in the middle of something here.” Billy gestures to the incomprehensible mess of papers and books in front of him and Steve, who looks relieved at the chance of a break.

“So we’re in a tavern” Mike tries again, but-

“This better be quick, Wheeler, or you’ll have to explain to your mom how your bike got bent.”

“Billy,” Max groans with a hard stare, after all, he had agreed to be nice.

Both to her and to Steve.

“We need you guys to arm wrestle!” Mike spits out and looks between the vastly stronger, older guys.

And at that Billy can’t help but grin all crooked with exposed teeth. See that’s something he can get behind; a chance to show off and prove he’s still the King, even if he and Steve have found something akin to friendship after their truce.

“Well why didn’t you just say so,” Billy almost chuckles. He places an arm across the back of Steve’s chair and turns to look at him. “What’d you say, princess?”

Steve looks more than a bit intimidated, eyeing Billy’s arms, chest, grin, and then Dustin and the rest. “What’s at stake?”

“Oh, we’re at this tavern, and Max and Lucas have each bet on these two strong orcs sitting and doing an arm wrestle in the middle of a roaring crowd, and we need you guys to decide who wins! For it to be fair,” Dustin says, shockingly without any interruption from Billy, and smiles oh so wide that Steve even asked.

“Okay, sure,” Steve doesn’t sound very convincing, but he shakes his head and stands up to walk to the other side of the table.

“But it’s not fair!” Max shakes her head. “Billy is clearly going to win, so how do we decide which of the two orcs he is?”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Steve’s voice a slight bit shaky, perhaps because everyone knows he’ll lose, even himself.

Billy just sticks out his tongue at him and rumbles forth a chuckle. Oh he is going to destroy Steve, no doubt about it. He’s been looking at those arms, fought him before even, and while he’s not the worst fighter Billy’s been up against, he’s far from the best.

“How about I say the names and they decide which one they’ll be? That way they don’t know who bet on who, and you guys won’t have a say in it?” Will asks as he settles into the chair next to Steve, ready to judge the show of strength.

“Genius!” Lucas proclaims and sits down on the other side of Steve.

Max simply scoffs and goes to stand next to Billy.

“We have Urzok the Infernal, and Dhakk the Mighty,” Will offers up and looks between Steve and Billy,

“I’ll take Dhakk the Mighty,” Billy drawls out and wags his tongue at Steve, whose Adam’s apple bobs visibly as he swallows hard.

“Guess I’m Ur… Urok?”

“Urzok,” Will says with a far too serious tone, as if it actually matters.

And their hands clasp together atop the sea of notes. Strong, firm, warm, soft. Does Steve use lotion on his hands? Billy teasingly squeezes the other’s hand a bit tighter for a short moment, a little signal of “You’re going down, pretty boy.”

But for some reason that Billy isn’t too keen on exploring, Steve squeezes back, and his heart does a dangerous flip that nearly causes his cocky grin to falter. Does he know what he’s doing to Billy? Is he aware of the stupid effect this causes?

“Are you ready?”

“I’m ready,” Steve says with sudden confidence, as if he fucking knows.

“Yeah, ready.” Billy counts it as a victory that he doesn’t stutter those two simple words.

He’s starting to sweat, actually, and prays that Steve doesn’t notice it - that his hand doesn’t turn clammy and gross. The first time he touches Steve’s hand and he’s going to ruin it by being sweaty and sticky.

“1… 2…”

Somehow it’s the slowest countdown he’s ever listened to.

“3… Go!”

And Billy’s entire arm tenses up immediately. Steve’s pushing against him, grasp tight and desperate, is this all he got? Billy’s not even moving yet, rock steady although he can feel that Steve could probably win with enough determination, the way his arm is starting to go in the wrong direction.

So he pushes back a bit, just enough so that Steve knows, arms going in the right direction this time, further and further in favor of Billy.

The kids are shouting and screaming their names- well, the orc names, but Billy doesn’t really register their words or who’s cheering for who. He’s gazing straight into those eyes where he drowns in honey, staring back beneath a tense brow.

Steve’s smiling somewhat, it’s hard to tell from the way his lips are pulled tight, but Billy has watched Harrington enough to know his expressions.

And as Steve’s arm starts to shake ever so slightly - not visibly so, but felt in their grasp - Billy’s not even halfway through his energy reserve, and honestly he’d hoped for a bit more of a challenge, but…

He eases up, just enough for it to be believable as Steve starts pulling him in the other direction. Even so, Billy is not about to go down easy. Halfway to his loss and he’s still holding strong, Steve’s exhaustion more apparent now yet he smiles lighter, forehead less wrinkled, some gleams in his eyes.

The back of Billy’s hand meets the table softly, and everyone but Max jumps up ecstatically, clapping and shaking Steve by the shoulders as he won.

Steve’s got both his hands in the air now, leaving Billy to feel weirdly lonely, but he won’t dwell on that.

“Yeah!” Steve hollers victoriously, pumping his fists so full of vigor. “And the crowd goes wild!” He cups his mouth like a megaphone and mimics a cheering crowd as best as he can.

Dustin and Lucas jump around him, shouting all sorts of nonsense that isn’t meant to be understood past their excitement, yet Max’s scoff manages to be heard above their celebration, and she stomps back into the living room with El and Mike in tow.

“Change that to Urzok the Champion!” Steve shouts just as elated as the kids and points to Will, who’s almost beaming at the way those three makes a scene.

Unfortunately, Billy hadn’t really given the side effects of victory any thought, and seeing how happy Steve is to have won stirs something in him.

“Harrington! Harrington! Harrington!” Steve, Dustin and Lucas all chant like they’re at a football game, all deep and gruff. “Harrington! Harrington! Harrington!”

There’s a pang of heart and a souring of his gut. Billy knows that he let Steve win. There’s no need to feel threatened or jealous or whatever. Kinda angry, kinda entertained. Kinda sick-ish.

“You really thought you had me there for a moment, huh Billy?” Steve points to where Billy remains seated, smiling but not with full honesty. “Thought you could defeat the King!”

Okay that does it. “Come on pretty boy, one more time, just for fun,” there’s restraint at the edge of his tone, and his smile twitches with something mean. He pats the table and offers up his hand again.

But Steve throws his head back as he laughs in a mocking tone, friendly enough, although far too boastful.

“Nah, I won-” He presses a finger against his chest, then points to Billy. “-And you lost!” 

The way Steve smiles so wide actually hurts in a way, and it is shocking how something so small and meaningless can wound Billy’s pride.

“And you can never-” Steve slams both hands onto the table. “-Ever-” He leans in close enough for Billy to feel him breathe out, “-Take that away from me.”

There’s a far too familiar desire to reach out, to touch skin, to meet the source of those words. Billy’s only seconds away from either punching Steve or kissing him, he can’t really tell, but his entire being is ready to act.

Steve doesn’t linger there though, pulls away and lifts up his arms, flexes his biceps and tips his head down to plant a kiss on each, really showing off just how strong he is, boasting about being the victor.

“Guys come on!” Mike shouts from inside the living room, clearly very impatient.

“Yeah yeah we’re coming!” Dustin replies at the same volume and sets off.

“Thanks,” Will speaks low, or maybe it just sounds like it from the way the others assaulted Billy’s eardrums with their shrieking.

And soon enough they’re all alone again.

Billy slumps against his chair, playing with a pencil that will soon break under the tension of his unresolved feelings.

Steve puts his hands on his hips, chest heaving as he tries to calm down again, looking just as flushed and worn out as he does after basket. He huffs a laugh and shakes his head, then returns to his seat right next to Billy, who’s smiling something so sly.

“You… you let me win, didn’t you?” Steve asks all breathless and runs a hand through his hair. His exhaustion comes more from the wild gloating than the actual wrestling they did.

“All I can say is…” Billy leaves a pause that is a clear indication of a yes as he eyes Steve up and down. “Congrats on the win, Urzok the Champion.”

[thecandywrites]

Jewel Of The North Part 5

Woo, it finally happened, the do is at the end of the chapter. Again, a thousand thanks to @monstersandmaw​ for sharing ice orcs with me. I’m having way too much fun. 

Jewel Of The North 

Part 5

You were walking towards the barn, feeling the slight burn of the sun on your skin as you watched Noah bend over to trim your horse's feet, his ferrier tools in the stand around him. His shirt was dirty and sweaty and hugging his muscles beautifully and the chilled lemonade in your hand didn’t compare to the fire of lust and love and adoration in your heart and mind as you waited until he was done with that particular hoof and stood up and righted himself to approach closer. 

“Thirsty?” You offered the lemonade to him before he grinned giddily as he got it and happily gulped it down and you watched the apple in his throat bob with the motion. 

“You need another or did that quench your thirst?” You asked once he had downed it. 

“Almost.” He admitted before he pulled you to him and kissed you deeply. You could taste the sweet lemon and sugar from the lemonade and just a hint of the pulled pork from lunch. 

And of course the kiss progressed and you suddenly transported to your bathroom where he was pinning you against the wall so he could pound into you as the hot water sprayed all around you and to feel the heat of his body wrapped around your own and practically pulsing inside you as he was stretching you to the max and grounding you yet making you feel lighter than air as his mouth was on your own, swallowing your whimpering cries of ecstasy was pure euphoria and no sooner had you cum in the shower before you were rolling around in the silken sheets of your bed, trying all kinds of positions. 

“How close are you?” Noah rumbled as you could tell he was getting so excruciatingly close himself. 

“I already came in the shower, it’s your turn Babe.” You cooed. 

“Nope, wrong answer.” Noah teased before he pulled out and left you trying to grab him to pull him back before he attached his mouth to your sex and promptly devoured you before you were pushed to the edge. 

“There you are, now, let’s try to do this together,” Noah encouraged before he settled himself back into you and started to really stroke himself into you instead of the heavy pounding and good god, it was the best sex of your life and together you reached your climaxes as you both tightly held the other, wrapped up in comfort and warmth and each other as the rest of the world faded away, leaving the two of you in peace and happiness. Then the blare of the alarm...

You woke up the next morning, your underwear soaked in your essence and got a quick shower and got dressed before you called your kids. 

“Good morning sleepyheads.” You cooed. 

“Good morning.” you heard them both answer sleepily. 

“Aww, did I wake you up too early? Before noon?” You teased as you got your shoes on. 

“Yes.” They answered. 

“It’s summer vacation, it’s still am so it’s morning.” Xander grumped. 

“Oh it’s only 10 am there, that’s still sleeping in plenty.” You gently argued. 

“Which means it’s seven there, you’re on vacation, why would you get up so early on vacation?” Skylar complained. 

“Because I’m going fishing today, with Noah and Sakura but we’re going to really be in the middle of nowhere because he’s taking me to tribal lands where there are no cell towers for miles so you won’t be able to get a hold of me and so this was my chance to check in today.” 

“Is this the same Noah that flew you in?” Xander questioned. 

“Yup, the same Noah I spent all day Tuesday watching his daughter who I would adopt and take home with me in a heartbeat if I could.” You confessed. 

“The one who lost her mom?” Skylar remembered. 

“Yup, the very one. She’s the one that’s in the same boat you’re in.” You confirmed. 

“Because her mom died and left her all the land that she got the same way you got your estates.” Xander recalled. 

“Yup and because I have a lot of first hand experience with that kind of thing. I’m gonna try to help her and her dad deal with it. At least better than I did in the beginning.” You revealed. 

“Cool.” Xander chirped. 

“So do you like Noah? Is that why you’re spending the day with them?” Skylar asked curiously. 

“I do like him. Noah is...well...he’s awesome. He has been nothing but respectful and perfectly pleasant and professional as a pilot and a friend and I can see why he’s friends with everyone up here because he’s a good friend to have.” You answered. 

“No like, like him like him, like romantically.” Skylar specified as you heard Xander go ‘oh gods’ in a groan in the background. 

“I’ll be honest. Yes. But I think it’s one sided, because he has been friendly but he hasn’t really been flirty or anything. But I haven’t been super flirty to begin with.” 

“Good!” Xander boomed. 

“Hey, as I recall, I believe both of you were ok with me moving on romantically since your dad died and you two were the ones that set me up on that date with Alex.” You countered with a frown. 

“Which was a disaster.” Skylar remembered. 

“True.” Xander conceded. 

“But Noah is a bush pilot in the Arctic Tundra, that’s one of hell of a niche Mom and he can’t do that in too many other places, he’s an ice orc which is a tribe that originated up there and rarely move away. I mean it’s an awesome job and sounds kick ass, and I’ll bet it’s gorgeous up there but from what you’ve told us about him, I don’t think he’s gonna give all that up. And you have it too good right where you are and you shouldn’t move either. Just leave it as friends Mom.” Xander pleaded with you and you hated to admit it but he was right and had very good points. Xander had inherited all the sensibleness from Andy. 

“I know, you’re right.” You conceded even though your heart and soul were throwing tantrums within you and clinging to your fantasies for dear life. 

“But you should still enjoy your time up there mom. Maybe we can come up and see everyone some time when we’re all together.” Skylar offered sweetly just as the first few tears started to fall as you nodded in agreement. Grateful they couldn’t see you. 

“Yup, there’s a really nice hunting and fishing resort up here, maybe we can come back here and stay there.” You offered as you discretely wiped the tears from your eyes and willed yourself not to cry any more. Feeling like a teenager with your first soul crushing crush. 

“I’ll try to call you guys later ok? Be good for Mimi and PawPaw and Granny and Papa ok?” You urged them. “Love you lots, bye.” You bid them. 

“Love you too Mom, bye.” They echoed. 

You found your composure and finished packing your things up that you felt you would need today. Extra sets of clothes and layers just in case you fell into the water or the temperature decided to vary greatly, your emergency spices just in case you cooked whatever you caught. Snacks just in case you didn’t catch anything. An emergency kit just in case anyone gashed their hand open and needed medical attention. A few handheld games for Sakura to keep her quiet just in case she wasn’t fond of fishing and battery packs for your devices along with a few other essentials. You were determined to have a great day fishing with Noah and Sakura and prayed that you would have a good day nonetheless and to have peace in your heart so you could enjoy the moments today and commit them to memory. 

When you were done you walked the now familiar route to Noah’s house, hoping you weren’t coming too early and no sooner had you stepped foot on the porch when the door opened to reveal Noah with a bed head worthy of a few more fantasies and a bright happy smile that shamed the sun that had you mirroring it as the dogs rushed past him to greet you excitedly too before they left to do their business. 

“Good morning, hope I’m not too early.” You greeted bashfully. 

“Nope, just woke up, wanted to make sure I didn’t sleep in and miss you.” Noah reassured you as he ushered you inside before you set down your stuff by the door before you went to the kitchen together to get coffee and breakfast ready as the two of you easily fell back into a routine, that while it was new, it was somehow so familiar and comfortable and second nature to you both and it was while you were scrambling eggs that you noticed Noah give you a look you didn’t quite know how to read. It wasn’t bad but it filled you with...you didn’t know what, excitement? Curiosity? Giddiness? What?!

“What?” You asked over your shoulder. 

“Um, I was just thinking…”

“About?” You prodded. 

“About…” Noah took a deep breath and looked particularly nervous all of a sudden as he started to wipe his hands off on a rag from mixing together pancake batter. 

“I wanted…” Noah began before his thunder cat rubbed against your leg before it started to climb you like a tree again. 

“Ah, Baby, I’m cooking, I can’t have you on my shoulders right now, your hair will get in the food.” You cooed to the cat before Noah came over and got the cat off your shoulder before the cat tried to use it’s sharp claws to dig into your clothes and howled in protest. “Sorry, he really likes you.” Noah confessed as the two of you worked on getting the cat’s claws out of your clothes and once successfully detached he went to the back sliding doors and put the cat out and shut the door so it wouldn’t interrupt further.  

“So you were saying you were thinking about what again?” You prompted once he was done. 

“Right, um, so, uh, I wanted you to meet the rest of my family.” Noah finally blurted as there was a hint of fear in his eyes which gave you just a moment of pause. 

“Oh, to discuss Sakura’s inheritance? Do you want to make sure they’re all comfortable with me being involved in any of it?” You supplied since that was the only reasonable, non romantic reason you could think of for meeting them. Trying to stamp down your hopes that he wanted you to meet his family for any other reason. 

“Yeah, sure,” Noah confirmed with a nod as his shoulders sagged in defeat just a little. 

“Ok, cool, when?” You asked. 

“Well, today my Mom was going to be calling everyone to see what times would work best for everyone while we went fishing.” Noah informed you. 

“Oh, well I’m free the rest of the week, so I’m free whenever. If it would help I can provide references, like my analyst and my own lawyers or even see if they can suggest anyone to use up here.” You suggested. 

“Only if you wanted to.” Noah answered you could see he was trying to cover up his disappointment. Was he disappointed with you? Is that not what he was asking or wanting from you?

Meanwhile- Noah was internally and existentially screaming and screeching into the void and cursing himself for being so chicken shit to not say what he really wanted. He was such a coward and he was so epically and historically bad with words. All he wanted was you. He wanted to be with you. He wanted to court you or even fight for the chance just to try. He was so hopelessly in love with you it wasn’t funny and if he had one more sex dream about you, his nuts were going to explode along with his head. He wanted to pick you up and sit you up on his counter and feast on you for breakfast before Sakura would wake up. This was his one shot to confess his feelings and he was blowing it and he couldn’t stop it. Like being in a river that’s way too strong and carrying him away from shore and he was doing everything in his power to fight against it but the stronger he struggled, the stronger the current and he couldn’t get traction and he was running out of time and he was missing his chance on happiness and his happily ever after with you damn it. 

But then you were sniffing the air and turning to take the eggs out of the pan before they burned and his moment was gone. He wondered if you would freak out if he just came up behind you and hugged you and started kissing you, would that be inappropriate? How would you react? Would you like that? Be put off and leave? Freak out? Turn and kiss him back hopefully? Grind your ass into his manhood? He could dream. 

Then he heard a giggle. Damn it, Sakura was up and his chance to have you all alone to himself was over. 

“Good morning Pumpkin.” You cooed when you heard the giggle and looked over at the stairs to see Sakura spying on you from them. 

“Good morning Paradise.” She answered before she came all the way down the stairs. 

“How long have you been up there spying huh?” You asked as you came over to her and hugged her tight. 

“Since Angry Pants climbed you.” Sakura answered and suddenly Noah was wondering if his instincts just knew it wasn’t the right time. Dang it. Well the day was young, he would hopefully have another chance some time today. Or at least that was what he was going to be praying for. 

“I see, well let's get you some juice and breakfast, we have an awesome day ahead of us and we need to have food as fuel for it.” You urged her as you got her some eggs to start eating and some juice as Noah went about pouring the pancake batter in the other pan to make the pancakes before you went back to the stove to work on the bacon and the sausage before you would make Noah’s eggs and your eggs and stood side by side in front of his stove as you wanted nothing more than to have him put his arm around you. Around your shoulders, your waist, you didn’t care. But something, you were craving his touch and his closeness even though Xander’s words tortured you from the back of your mind. What if this was a fantasy escape for you? What if it was nothing more? No, your heart assured you that was not the case. What if all he wanted was just help with his daughter and nothing else from you? Perhaps that was what you feared most right now. Because you were ready to offer yourself and everything you had up to him and what if he didn’t want you romantically? You would have to learn how to be content with a platonic relationship with him but you did get close enough that your arms were touching and you could feel the heat roll off of him and the stove and you just wanted to cuddle into his side. 

And then you felt it, his hand splayed comfortingly on your back and if you could have sprouted wings and hugged him with them you would have, before the hand went to your far shoulder and suddenly he was resting his arm over your shoulders and you took that as a sign that snaking your own arm around his waist was an ok move as you both leaned into the side of the other. And you were afraid to look but the happy contented smile on your face as mentally you were going ‘fuck it, I want to be happy and close to him right now’. 

All that mattered was right now and right now your brain was swimming in endorphins from just this little touch. It was heaven. Maybe he didn’t mean it to be as intimate as you felt it was but you didn’t care. You were just...happy. So happy right now. You haven’t been this happy in...a very long time and in your wildest dreams, you would find a way to make this work. Maybe he isn’t great with words? Maybe he’s showing you through his actions how he feels? Maybe. 

You did everything in your power to stay right where you were because you didn’t want to move, you didn’t want to break the bubble you were in because in your heart you wanted this moment to last forever. But once all the eggs were fried and all the bacon and sausage and potatoes and onions and pancakes were cooked you both begrudgingly parted to take the food to the table to eat but sat kitty corner from each other at the small table and if he had reached out to hold your hand you would have held it but he was using both of his hands to eat his breakfast but Sakura was just happy to jabber on about all the different kinds of fish you could catch today as you gave Noah a fond smile as you just let her tell you all about fish. You could listen to her talk for hours on end about anything she was passionate about. 

Once breakfast was done, you quickly did the dishes while Noah and Sakura got ready and packed up for your ‘adventure’ and once packed up, you let the horses out in the pasture and taken care of for the day before you loaded up his truck as the dogs jumped into the bed of the truck to watch the stuff since they were coming too and made a quick stop at a little outpost/ grocery store to get supplies like bait and beer since you had already packed a bunch of snacks and drinks for Sakura at home from what you had bought the other day. But this place had local moose jerky and homemade doughnuts that you needed in your life ASAP. 

“Hey Noah,” a guy greeted him as you were around the corner letting Sakura pick out whatever her heart desired. 

“Hey Tim.” Noah greeted back before they shook hands. 

“Have you heard anything from Derek or Evan or anyone from their gang?” Tim asked him. 

“Nope, picked up their loads yesterday though cause no one could get a hold of them.” Noah answered as you made sure to stay out of sight. 

“Well I finally talked to them today and turns out they went drinking with some super hot Moscow Doll. They must have partied pretty hard because they’re still wasted as of about half an hour ago and can’t hardly move even now. They actually pissed and shit themselves because they couldn’t get up to go to the bathroom.” 

You did your best to hide your erupting snicker under Noah’s who snickered and laughed at their misfortune. 

“Gross, well I don’t know what you could have expected, they’re young and stupid and stupid is as stupid does I guess.” Noah shrugged. 

“True.” Tim nodded. “So what are you up to today?” Tim changed the subject. 

“Taking Sakura and our new friend Zara fishing.” Noah answered, feeling bad to call you ‘a friend’ because if he had been brave earlier he could have asked you out and he could be introducing you as his girlfriend. 

But alas, chicken shit was he. 

“Oh,” Tim blinked but smiled wide as you seemed to take that cue and appear from the other aisle. 

“I heard my name.” You announced. 

“Zara, this is my friend Tim Baker.” Noah introduced. 

“Zara Kingsley, pleasure to meet you.” You greeted sweetly as you shook his hand, kind of grateful you weren’t wearing any makeup or anything and dressed down and hopefully neither Tim or Noah would make the connection that you were that Moscow Doll. Which honestly was an awesome alias. 

“Pleasure’s all mine.” He returned as he shook your hand firmly. “That’s a strong hand shake.” Time appraised, impressed. 

“Sorry, day job, I’m an LMT, strong grip is in the job description.” You tried to laugh off. 

“A what now?” He asked. 

“LMT- it’s an acronym for licenced massage therapist, like EMT or CEO.” you supplied. 

“Oh sweet, did you just move here?” He asked hopefully. 

“Unfortunately no, just visiting this time. My home base is in the Great Lakes.” You answered before you got into your wallet and handed him a business card as he whistled at it. 

“Wow, that’s the fanciest thing I’ve ever had in my hand.” Tim appraised which got you to chuckle. 

“That’s not a nice comparison to Tammy, she’s plenty fancy.” Noah teased which got everyone but Sakura to laugh harder. 

“I take it Tammy is the better half.” You assumed as you glanced down to see a thin gold band on Tim’s left hand.  

“Nope, I’m the better half, I’m the best thing in her life.” Tim smoothed his hands down his front, stroking his beer gut affectionately as he smiled cheesily which got you to laugh even harder. 

“Oh that poor woman.” You and Noah answered in unison as you both shook your head. 

“Jinks!” You managed to get out first as Noah snapped his fingers in defeat but smiled happily nonetheless. 

“Ha! I win, I get to buy the snacks and the beer.” You insisted as you pried the beer from Noah’s fingers and took Sakura to the checkout counter. 

“Hurry before your Dad stops us!” You giggled to Sakura who took the opportunity to grab handfuls of candy from the display by the cash register to add to her ‘loot’. 

“Just friends? Really?” Tim questioned a little disbelieving as he gave Noah a meaningful look but a knowing smile. 

“She’s only been visiting in town since Sunday and I’m the one who flew her in.” Noah revealed, dropping his voice down to a low murmur. 

“I see, well it seems she’s great with Sakura, she’s got strong mom vibes and she seemed like she a could be a local if you asked her to be.” Tim appraised. 

“Well she is a mother, has two kids of her own back home.” 

“And the dad?” Tim asked. 

“Dead, she’s widowed.” Noah answered. 

“Oh perfect, no asshole ex or visitation or anything like that to deal with, just what you needed, you’re practically made for each other.” Tim grinned mischievously as Noah gave him an unimpressed look. “Well stop yapping with me, take her fishing, take her to the Honeymoon spot or something, don’t be keeping a gem like her waiting.” Tim urged him as Tim noticed you had gotten your stuff and had left the store with Sakura in tow and you sure did look like a perfect fit for Noah and Sakura to him. You just exuded sweetheart and that’s what Noah needed in his opinion, and you were really pretty au naturale too. He could see there were sparks there and he would be praying that Noah would make a move before you would leave as Noah left the place and happily rejoined you in the truck and drove to the airstrip before the two of you loaded everything onto the plane as Sakura happily kept the dogs on board and got settled in herself and once it was all packed up, the three of you settled in and by now you had grown almost used to the feeling of taking off before Noah turned the plane north eastern and flew, you could see the snow capped mountains and pockets of lakes and streams and super intense greens from the wilderness splattered with pockets of civilization, and just the majesty of it all took your breath away and you prayed your brain was recording it so you could dream about this moment in the future. It was just perfect. 

Noah flew the familiar route to the perfect spot, where it would just be the three of you for miles and miles around and hopefully the fishing would be good too.

And once it was in sight he pointed it out to you. 

“That’s where we’re going.” He pointed to it as he got in position and descended and made sure to put the right landing gear down and touched down into the water before taxing himself around to the best spot in the lake where a few streams came in and out of the lake before he turned the plane off and lowered the back hatch/tailgate down to the right height so you could fish off of it before he got his camping chairs and practically set up his own dock on the tailgate complete with a cooler full of ice and beer and drinks and camp chairs and snacks and rods and reels and tackle and everything. 

“Ooh, I like this, this is wonderful.” You praised as you sat down in the other camp chair that Noah set up just for you as Sakura was sitting in her kid’s camping chair. 

“And the great thing about being in the water like this is the bugs aren’t as bad and you don’t have to worry about bears as much, moose can still swim out this far though but at least we can see stuff coming.” Sakura beamed happily as she got all her snacks and juice boxes and stuff set up around her as the dogs happily sat on the edge and looked out into the water and basked in the sun before Noah got all the fishing poles out and got them set up before he handed you one before you cast it out.  

“Nice cast.” Noah praised. 

“Thanks, my family are big fishers. We would go fishing all the time both in childhood and adulthood and we would go out and usually catch our limit. What is the limit by the way?” You asked. 

“There isn’t one, we’re on Sungilak Tribal Lands and this whole area and for oh, probably a hundred miles in any direction is still our lands and we don’t have limits on fish or game or anything. So since you are a guest of the clan and have permission from two clan members, you don’t have any limits on anything you catch either and you don’t need any licenses or anything. Our permission and invitation is enough.” Noah reassured you as Sakura beamed proudly at you too. 

“Aww, thanks.” You answered, feeling particularly touched by their gesture as you realized this was a great honor. For them to share their birthright like this was incredibly generous. You knew Noah was of humble means, and this was perhaps one of the few things he could share with you and it was incredibly precious. 

“Can I get a few pictures of this?” You asked hopefully. 

“Sure.” Noah nodded before you took pictures of Sakura sitting next to you in the chair with her little fishing pole, the line hanging off the edge in her sunglasses and snacks and dogs looking pretty as a picture before you got selfies of the two of you and the drop dead gorgeous scenery. 

“Smile Noah.” You prompted as you got pictures of him actually fly fishing off the back of the tailgate before he flashed you a brilliant smile and you knew this picture you’d be treasuring for a lifetime. 

“Can we have some music?” You asked hopefully. 

“Uh, good luck getting a radio channel up here.” Noah replied. 

“Not a problem, I have premium Spotify and dozens of playlists downloaded. What do you like to listen to?” You asked as you got your mini portable bluetooth speaker out of your bag and turned it on since it was freshly charged before you got your phone to connect with it and brought up the app. 

“Don’t care, listen to whatever you want.” Noah obliged. 

“Ok, everyone’s favorite classics- it is.” You decided before you had the phone shuffle on the playlist. 

“Ooh,” Noah oohed when a very familiar favorite started to play. Ok, you were officially perfect in his book. Perfect music tastes, perfect cooking skills, perfect mother figure to Sakura, perfect...everything. You were generous and charming without being fake or insincere, you were beautiful and confident and independent and loving and supportive and protective and incredibly intelligent and naturally sweet natured but had enough gumption to not put up with bullshit. You weren’t a doormat and he could only admire and adore all of it. You had every reason to feel like the hottest shit ever but you were humble enough to be unassuming and discrete but there wasn’t a part of you he wasn’t impressed with. 

Then the fish started to bite and that’s when the day went from good to great. And what was even better, is because of the cold storage compartment of the plane which was like a walk in freezer/cooler but on an plane with several bins inside to keep things separanted, Noah had the good sense to clean out and line the biggest one with a giant tarp, all you had to do was load the fish into it and they would stay cold until you got home. Very convenient. 

“Could you teach me how to fly fish?” You asked as he seemed to be getting better fish and more of them fly fishing than you did. 

“Of course.” Noah immediately agreed before he had you use his rod and reel and showed you how it was done and you were over the moon when he wrapped himself around you to do it. His hands over yours to show you where to grip the rod and to feel the warmth radiate off of him and even though it was already comfortable weather wise, with him so close you practically melted having him so close, with his front pressed comfortably to your back and his head and over your shoulder. You wanted to lay your head back and rest it against his chest and just to have him hold you. 

Meanwhile Noah felt that this was his opportunity that he had been silently praying for all morning, if he didn’t take the leap now, he was going to regret it. You were here, you were practically in his arms and every instinct was screaming at him to offer himself to you. It was now or never. So it had to be now. 

“I didn’t originally want you to meet my family tomorrow as an advisor. It’s not that I don’t want your help with Sakura and her inheritance, because I do, we need it, desperately. But, I really really like you and I want to court you regardless and I wanted you to meet them as my girlfriend rather than advisor.” Noah finally confessed as he just stared longingly at your hair in a ponytail, appreciating all the hues and strands of color in your hair, fantasizing about how soft it would be through his fingers as not looking at your gorgeous face was somehow easier than if he was looking into the very eyes that tortured him when he wasn’t looking at them or the face that lit up his world. 

“I know you have your life in the Great Lakes and I don’t want you to give that up and I am never going to ask for you to give that up. And I know looking at the way things are now, it doesn’t seem like we have much of a future and I’ve been afraid to ask you cause I don’t know how this could work. But I want to try to work it out anyway.” Noah confessed as you slowly turned around to look at him. Afraid that you were dreaming or had fainted and were hallucinating. 

And you saw hope and fear in his eyes as he bit his lips to force himself not to speak anymore and wait for your answer, it was the same look he had this morning as you felt a little vindication that he did try to ask you this morning but lost his nerve and your heart soared that he obviously felt the same way you did and that it wasn’t all in your head, this was real, he was really asking you out and he really cared for you enough to ask at least as you smiled up adoringly and gratefully at him. 

“Sakura,” you called. 

“Yeah?” She immediately got up and came over. 

“Did you hear your Daddy?” You asked her, just to make sure you didn’t imagine it. 

“Yup, I want you to be my Mama too.” She added brightly and you couldn’t help it, you started crying but your smile was brighter than any star. 

“I want to be your Mama too Sweetie, more than anything.” You reassured her as you turned out of Noah’s frame and hugged her tight. 

“Yes, my answer is a resounding yes.” You finally answered Noah before you pulled him down to your height to kiss him soundly as his arms wrapped tightly around you, the fishing pole long since been put down and practically forgotten as you felt in your soul that this was your last first kiss with him. And boy oh boy was it a good one. Full of love and hope and promise and tasted better than you could have imagined and definitely worth the wait. This wasn’t going to be a passing fling, nope. This was gonna be a forever thing, you could already tell. And you were finally, going to be happy- if only you could make Noah equally happy. 

From there, things fell into place even more, you took tons of pictures of you and Noah together and you caught enough fish to fill that whole freezer compartment and thanks to a little on board galley on the plane, you were able to cook up fish for lunch and dinner and the dogs happily ate fish too and by the time it was evening you found yourself sitting on a huge cushion right on the back hatch with Noah sitting behind you with you cuddled into his lap as Sakura was securely nestled into yours and with the big blankets surrounding the three of you and the dogs cuddling over your legs, you were both comfortable and content and Noah must have kissed your temples and cheeks a thousand times as he sat with you. HIs wistful sigh music to your ears as you were sure your own was to his. Even though the day had spurtterd in the beggining, it sure did end perfectly in your book. 

Only when the sun was finally setting for the final time did you pack it up. Sakura long since fallen asleep in your arms and with Noah’s help you were able to pack her up in her spot before you helped him get everything ready to go before he flew you to his home. 

“So did you want to stay over tonight?” Noah asked hopefully. 

“Oh yeah, if you’re sure you want me there, I’ll stay for as long as you’ll have me.” You confirmed. 

“Oh I’m as sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west,” Noah mirrored since his boner seemed to spring to life at the notion. 

“Awesome, I’ll just get the rest of my stuff from Taylor’s house tomorrow, it’s already late but I packed enough that it should get me through the night and into tomorrow, easily. I packed enough clothes just in case I fell into the water, like twice.” You revealed. 

“Are you like, always prepared for everything?” Noah asked, his tone light and almost teasing. 

“Yes. Long before I was a mom, I was the mom friend. There’s very good reasons why my purse never weighs less than like 9 pounds. It’s because I keep everything in there. Coming up here, I packed two of everything just in case one of something got lost. But turns out the gods knew that there would be two families that would be benefiting from my visit and I couldn’t be happier about the second one.” You beamed. 

“Yeah, not to sound weird or anything but since you brought it up, I’ve been praying for the last year and a half for the gods to help me find Sakura a mom and someone who could help us and Sakura has never taken to anyone the way she took to you. And well, I mean I adore you too because if you’ll recall the first time we met, I just stared like an idiot with my jaw on the floor because you are very easily the most beautiful woman I have ever met or known and I was really afraid to say anything after I found out you were an heiress because I didn’t want to make it seem that it was only after I learned that that I was attracted to you. And honestly watching you have a date with Doug was torture for me and I was terrified you were going to fall for…” Noah explained. 

“Oh his “charms”,” You snickered a laugh before you pretended to gag. 

“Ew, no. He was absolutely ridiculous. Sakura told me in the bathroom that night that his boys pushed her down and didn’t apologize and I was ready to rip his head off. And please don’t be freaked out either but when I hugged her for the first time, I instantly loved her, like the same feeling I had when I gave birth to Skylar and Xander and I got to hold them for the first time and you have that ‘there’s my baby, my most precious possession, I’m gonna love you and cherish you forever and i will kill anything that dares brings you harm’ kind of feeling. And hugging you for the first time felt like hugging home, but it just was one that I didn’t know yet so…” You confessed before you heard Noah sniffle. 

“Really?” Noah asked. 

“Is that weird?” You asked with a little bit of a grimace. 

“Nope, I was praying for that, I was praying for the right woman to love Sakura like her own, and well, me for me, flaws and all.” Noah revealed. 

“Well then we are both answered prayers for each other because I was praying for the same thing. Although I’ll warn you, my son Xander will be the hardest to deal with. He’s very practical and rational and unfortunately, very skeptical too. He loves to play chess and cards and do things like negotiate and debate. And he’s way smarter than he should be for his age. He’s the one that likes to have everything figured out and planned before he takes his first step. His room is immaculate and he’s getting into cooking and he actually measures every little thing and me and my ‘eyeball it and measure it with your soul’ kind of thing tend to clash a lot. He will stay up till midnight just doing research for fun. He is very much like his father. He breeds ball pythons for fun and he has all the genetics memorized by heart and he keeps the snake room spotless, all on his own without any nagging or anything like that from me.” You warned. 

“Skylar will be eaiser but she’s very emotional and you just have to be really patient. She’s also either super quiet or super chatty, there is no inbetween. She will talk your ears off. Also she wants to bake cookies and cakes and pies. Every. Single. Day. And nothing has enough sparkles or glitter for her.” 

“We’ll all find a way to get along, it’s gonna be ok.” He reassured you before he kissed the back of your hand sweetly. 

You got back to his home and found a note from his mom. The family would be coming together on Sunday since that’s when most had the day off and that they would be coming to her house for a big family meal and invited you to bring a dish to share if you wanted to. 

“What should I bring?” You asked Noah. 

“Anything you want, but we got all day tomorrow to figure it out. Come on, let’s get her to bed, and us to bed.” He hinted as he took your hand and led you upstairs as Sakura lay knocked out over his shoulder as he carried her into the house and led you upstairs. He had waited all week to have you by his side physically and he didn’t want to waste another minute of your presence and once she was tucked into bed and her door shut he was on you and walking you towards his room. 

And you’d be lying through your teeth if you were to try to deny you weren’t excited about this either. But Noah’s kiss and touch were unlike any other and you were greedily taking everything he could give you and trying to give back in kind and you just needed more...more kisses, more touches, more feel, more contact, more...everything and you don’t know how it happened or exactly when but somehow between him attaching his mouth to yours just outside of Sakura’s room, and him, reaching around you to open his own bedroom door, somehow most of your clothes had come off you as you felt the cool air hit your skin. 

Your bra was unhooked in the back and your pants and underwear were already off and by the time he got you into the room and the door shut and thankfully locked, somehow your shirt and bra now disappeared as did all of his clothes except for his socks which he was trying to toe off just trying to get you to his bed since his weeping cock was pressed between the two of you. 

Taylor had not been exaggerating. Noah was packing. You knew Ice Orcs were as big as orcs came. But damn. Biggest cock you would ever probably get the pleasure of handling and it was all yours, you could barely wrap your hand around your prize and Noah’s moan was equally delicious and Noah practically ripped the blankets off the bed trying to get into it but when you felt his legs hit the mattress, you pushed him back onto it, and sent him landing on his back with his lower legs hanging off the bed, he was surprised but thrilled all the same and when you nuzzled his heavy sack with your nose and then with the tip of your tongue, he was the one left grabbing the sheets in anticipation. 

Neena was ok with receiving oral sex but she hated giving it because she just didn’t like the taste of precum, let alone cum and thought it was gross and always gagged the moment his cock touched the back third of her tongue. So to have you even hint at it was driving him wild and when your tongue licked from the back of his ball sack, through the two balls and to the base then, towards the tip, he was nearly undone. And then to have you kneel between his legs and start sucking him off, his eyes nearly rolled back too far but his answering strangled moan was all you could ever want in response. You knew he didn’t want to wake up his daughter but with just this bit of sucking his body, especially his thighs and stomach was almost shaking and twitching from fluttering so much. It must have been a while for him to receive this kind of pleasure and you were unbelievably pleased that you could give it to him and when you started to gently massage his scrotum and oh so gently scratch at it, he bucked his hips, sending the head of his cock to the back of your mouth before he pulled them back. 

“Sorry.” He tried to apologize. 

“Don’t apologize Baby, it’s ok, did Neena have a strong gag reflex?” You cooed as you detached your mouth from his length so you could talk to him but your hand stroked him lovingly. 

“Uh, yeah,” Noah confirmed. 

“Hmm, well I don’t.” You hinted and that was your only warning before you worked on sucking as much of him into your mouth and throat as you could and he pulled so hard on the sheets, they popped off the corners of the bed and the noise that fell from his throat was the best reaction you had gotten yet. 

“Zara, please, please slow down or stop, I’m, I’m gonna cum. I can’t cum yet, you’re not, I haven’t pleased you yet.” He whimpered which warmed your heart that he was so concerned about your pleasure. 

“Do you only have one round in you?” You posed as you pulled off but nuzzled the cock all the same, giving the blue cock that ended in a pink head some sweet kisses.  

“N-no.” He answered. 

“Then let me give you this one easy, next one you’ll have to try harder to earn it.” You cooed before you went back to it as your hands stroked up his thighs to his abdomen as he reached down and laced his fingers with yours to hold your hands as your head bobbed enthusiastically as his precum coated your mouth. This had to be the most delicious cock too. His precum was comforting and alluring and just a little zesty, like wildberries, more intense flavor but full what your body craved before you brought his hands up to your face so he could stroke your face which he did before his fingers finally settled into your hair as you wrapped your arms around his hips and shoved your hands between his fine ass and the bed and clawed your hands into his ass as Noah keened in bliss and arched his back off the bed as his fingers tangled in your hair before he got two good fistfuls of your hair and pulled your face closer as you did your best to suppress your own gag reflex as the head of his cock hit the back of your throat. 

“Oh gods, oh gods, Zara, Baby, I can’t, I can’t hold on...” he panted desperately as his hips bucked and every other muscle in his body seemed to tense before one last slam and his cock erupted with seed that spilled down your throat as you swallowed around him, your lips suctioning around you just kept swallowing as he whimpered and keened and shuddered his release and he was left a sweaty mess as his body welcomed a few aftershocks as it basked in the afterglow as you made sure you swallowed down every drop of his precious seed before you slowly let it slide out as you pulled away and happily watched as his heavy cock fell to the bed under it’s own weight. 

“Good?” You asked as you climbed up his body, kissing trail up him before you settled onto his chest. 

“The best, I didn’t think...I didn’t know...it could be that good.” Noah praised having a hard time coming back to his senses. While part of him wondered how much experience you had had to get that good, he didn’t care, you were his now. And he was never going to let you go. That was the best blow job of his life, of the millenium. His mind was blown, his body was officially blessed by having you of all people do that to him. 

“Now don’t fall asleep, you have me to please now.” You giggled as you traced a little pattern on his chest as he caught his breath. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he reassured you as he wrapped his strong arms around you and held you tight. 

“I love you.” He cooed. 

“I love you too.” You easily mirrored. And it felt like the most natural and easy thing to say. And completely truthful too before he cupped your cheek and pulled you further up to kiss him soundly. 

“I didn’t kiss you Tuesday because that’s what I did with Neena, I kissed you…” He began. 

“I know, same reason I called you Babe on Tuesday, it just felt right.” You reassured him. 

“Exactly.” He grinned appreciatively. 

“Now, my turn to treat you like the goddess you are.” You growled as he playfully nipped at your neck and ear as you giggled gleefully as he rolled you over and it was his turn to kiss you senseless and mark a trail down your luscious and plump body, making sure to worship all of his favorite curves, from your breasts to your belly which he just adored to your hips and his favorite curve, your mound. Perfectly crowned with curls and dripping in anticipation of him and he took a lot of satisfaction in knowing that he was responsible for this as he settled between your legs before he had you set your powerful thighs on his shoulders and delved in. 

Nothing could have prepared himself for this. But you tasted better than anything ever had before. It was sweet and spicy and purely addictive as he delved in and slurped and gave his tongue the work out it had been craving for practically a week as his own hands now cradled your glorious ass to cant your center right where he wanted it and it was your turn to writhe between him and the sheets beneath you. 

Andy, truthfully, was not a good lover. He loved and adored your blow jobs but returning the pleasure, he was hopeless. He didn’t know how to please you, because all of his sex education had come from porn and besides pounding his cock into you, he didn’t know what else to do to please you and never bothered to learn. 

Noah though? Oh bless this man’s heart, body and soul. Because he was eating you out like you were a seven course feast and he had been starving for most of his life and when he added a finger and then two and found that oh so sweet g-spot and worked it like it was his mission in life and he had been put on this planet for the sole purpose of finding it and working it to perfection while his mouth circled around your clit and sucked hard- it was all over, your legs kicked out and your knees tried to snap shut around his head and clamped his ears to his head as your own hips bucked and your own cry of bliss and ecstasy practically bounced off the walls. This was the greatest oral sex you had ever had the pleasure of recieving. It was official, he was a sex god. 

For once you didn’t feel like you were wasting yourself or your gifts on someone. He was deserving, he was worthy. He was amazing and epic and wonderful and you loved and adored him. 

“You still here?” Noah teased as he licked his lips as his self satisfied smile beamed up from between your legs. He still had it and he could give you the best gift possible and there was no one more deserving of that- than you, and he did his best and he was happy that you were well pleased with him and his efforts. 

“Oh my gods, that was, epic, amazing, perfect. Like I’m trying to keep my soul in my body.” You explained with a giggle as he kissed his way back up your body to your mouth before he kissed you soundly as you wrapped yourself around him as you came down from your own afterglow before he slid right in. 

“Oooh, perfect fit.” You purred up at him as he settled into place. You were stretched perfectly but not uncomfortably. Stuffed perfectly full and you melted into the bed when he didn’t pound, but actually stroked himself in and out of you, adjusting the angle of his hips until he found the perfect one for you both and every stroke felt like a blessing he was pouring into your being. 

Then he worked up the tempo and the rhythm. 

“Please, please don’t stop Noah, I’m so close, I’m so so close.” You begged as you felt your peak draw ever closer as Noah’s own body started to tense up as you clung to him and then that’s when he seemed to lose some semblance of control as his hips went from measured to almost a heinous pace as he started breathing even heavier and more labored as his hold on you grew almost desperate and it was enough to send you over the edge into bliss and when you inwardly constricted and fluttered around his length, it undid him and he came falling after you, pumping your canal so full, the seed had nowhere else to go but to seep out where you were joined as you both breathed heavily, trying to catch your breath as you just held each other as you looked up from the bed through the sky light to see the aurora borealis come out and move messmerizingly across the sky. It was so beautiful. And you were so happy and content to share such an intimate moment with Noah. He was such a gem. This perfect jewel of the north who had been waiting for you to come and find him and cherish him and love him. And you would do your best to do so for the rest of your life. 

Once you two fully relaxed you looked around and noticed the bed looked like a hurricane had come through the room. 

“Come on, help me make the bed, then we can sleep.” You gently urged him as he begrudgingly let you go and together you made quick work of putting the sheets back on properly and fixed the many layers of blankets before you quickly went pee in the bathroom and at least picked up all your discarded clothes in the hallway and put them in Noah’s room while he went to the bathroom himself before you met back into the bed and cuddled, looking up at the northern lights before you both drifted off to sleep. 

[sun-critrole]

Vole a chubby female half-orc with a bob haircut and long flowing dress. She's a cleric of Selun she's super sweet.

Vole helps everyone if they have tried to kill her in the past. She will never stop trying to see the good in people. She's very self conscious about her tusk or scaring others so she smiles all of the time to show how friendly she is.

Vole how ever isn't a pushover if a person approves to be dangerous she will take care of them and doesn't like bullies.

Vole and Gaston, my gnome paladin, would def be buds. He’s also a ball-of-sunshine type. They would defeat danger together.

Lessora, my dwarf druid, would enjoy having someone with some positivity around. She’s a pretty happy person, too.

It’s sleepover night!

[supereffectivemoonblast]

Tomb of Annihilation

Chapter 43:

Wand of Wonders and Bitches in Wardrobes

We had a longer session of Tomb of Annihilation over the weekend.

First thing, Hawthorne went and had a solo adventure helping out a very suspicious unread guy, and shortly after... he died. Little did his party know, he would perish just outside the room they were next to.

Soon after, the party sees his naked mangled form, and vow to give him a proper burial, once they can leave the room. Before them is five wardrobes, each a portal to another realm, summoning mysterious beings from afar. The first door they try summons Hawthorne's replacement, a Tiefling Warlock/Bard named Bliss, and a friendly Monodrone named Bob.

Very soon, Bob figures out you must kill the things that leave those portals to leave the room, and tries to kill Bliss. Unfortunately, Bob is the weakest thing in the room.

4 encounters with devils, spirits, demons, and orcs later, the party is exhausted, and the door opens.

[therunawayscamp]

Head On [Drabble]

The Sandria, an Imperial frigate chartered by House Sadras for the purpose of hunting pirates on their shipping routes, made it almost too easy. She lay in wait off a small atoll north of Skyrim. Barren rock formed most of the area, but the snow covering it provided ample fresh water for any less than lawful sailors needing a quick hideaway and made it – so Khan Sadras assured the captain – a known haunt of those ruffians aboard the Runaway Scamp. She would be on her return voyage now, he said, and should pass Skyrim no less than two weeks before Tales and Tallows, Ancestor's Day to the Dunmer.

That blasted ship's sails came into view on the fourteenth of Last Seed, exactly as planned. The Sandria's captain gave orders to raise the anchor. A few futile attempts found that the cable had been lodged on a rock, the rudder fouled, and before the lookout noticed the Argonian paddling away through the ocean, the Scamp bore down upon them in a hail of magefire and bellowing, screeching pirates. Those who jumped overboard were spared. Those who remained were not.

A search of the hold turned up a number of crates and barrels salvaged from more successful captures, as well as enough supplies for the final two weeks of the journey home. Bob, tasked with inspecting the barrels and reinforcing the enchantments, performed her work on the weather deck while her shipmates tended to their wounds. She probed her thick fingers around the banding on a keg. The enchantment sputtered at her touch until she urged new magic into it, frowning lightly, or as lightly as an Orc could manage when her face was permanently buried under the weight of its own leathery skin. The work was delicate and tedious. Not a chore she was best suited for, but it had to be done.

After a while she became aware of someone else sat nearby. Jo'Raya had the ability to pad up in total silence and yet the impatient swishing of her tail, the silent burr of her nails digging into the deck, always gave her away. A trail of blood, not hers, slicked the fur down from the back of her head and across her neck, and she flicked an ear at it occasionally. They sat in companionable silence for some time before Jo'Raya said,

'You feel it?'

Bob laid down her tools.

'Feel what?'

'The change. This one smells it in the elves.' Jo'Raya stretched out her legs, spreading her toes and letting the claws shine against the bloodstained deck. 'When Khajiit feels change, there is a restlessness which clings to its fur. The urge to run and pounce and to do.'

Years ago, back in the stronghold, Bob remembered the old chieftain, before he was challenged by his son. She had been young then, but that didn't stop her feeling the buzz around the forge or hearing the whispers running along the walls, as if the air were charged with an unseen energy. Eventually the tension grew so tight the son had to make his challenge simply to relieve the strain on the rest of the clan.

The urge to do. Around them, scattered across the deck, the sailors were working as usual, scrubbing down planking and hauling the spoils back to the Runaway Scamp, but every now and then there would be a glance between them, or a silence where there would usually be friendly insults and laughter. Bob picked up her hammer again, only to tap it against the side of a barrel to no effect.

'Mebbe. Why?'

'The elves can't run away from it. Change hunts without rest.'

'Y'ain't thinkin' of desertin'?'

'No. Where would this one go? Besides, Khajiit says, all kittens must leave their clan mother. Some change is merciful.'

In the wintry light which always lay over the Sea of Ghosts, Jo'Raya's fur looked dark, but the edges were tipped with gold. She held herself perfectly still and poised as she gazed out to the ocean. Bob watched her for a while before shrugging and digging herself into her work.

'Orcs got a sayin', too.' She waited until Jo'Raya turned her head to listen. 'Whatever shit life throws at you, meet it head on, 'cause there ain't much thicker'n an Orc skull.'

Jo'Raya's tailed lifted. Bob had never seen a Khajiit until she signed on with the Scamp, but that was enough to teach her that this was the closest Jo'Raya ever came to laughing.

'Orc and Khajiit, not so different.'

'Cap'n says we ain't Orcs 'n Khajiit 'n elves, we's crew.'

'Then we meet the change head on together, yes? We charge in headfirst, one crew.'

For a second, Bob’s fist tightened around the shaft of her hammer. Then she raised it and began beating the iron banding into shape, as the magic flowed through her fingers, and although the ring of metal and metal prevented any reply, the broad, tusk-filled grin was good enough for Jo’Raya. Soon Sham joined them, helping to repair the wood of the barrels, and Luca carried their tools back and forth, and the crew of the Scamp worked on as one around them with change on their heels.

[darkelfshadow]

Session Summary - 66

AKA “The Return Of An Old Friend”

Adventures in Taggeriell

Session 66  (Date: 13th July 2019)

Players Present:

- Rob (Known as “Varis”) Elf Male.

- Bob (Known as “Sir Krondor) Dwarf Male.

- Travis (Known as “Trenchant”) Human Male.

- Paul (Known as “Labarett”) Elf Male.

- Arthur (Known as “Gim”) Dwarf Male.

Absent Players

Nil

NPC

- (Known as “Naillae”) Elf Female. <Controlled by DM>

- (Known as “Nac”) Half-elf Male. <Controlled by DM>

Summary

- Oathday, 4rd Pharast in the year 815 (Second Era). Spring.

- The party begin this session, in the hours just after midnight, still in Castle Naerytar having just killed with a group of Cultists last session.

- Knowing that the sound of battle would have alerted the occupants of the castle, the party quickly spring into action. The unconscious and badly burnt body of Naillae is somewhat healed by Nac, allowing her to walk but still somewhat dizzy and confused, having nearly died.

- As the party rush over to the near by long hall, they see a large plume of glowing smoke raising into air from the front of the castle.

- Trenchant looks at the smoke and says, “I think our Lizardfolk friends are attacking the Bullywugs outside. I wonder who is winning.”

- Varis is the last to enter the long hall, as he had quickly searched the near by inner tower. As he enters he hears a loud clanking of chain and then a sharp bang of metal on stone from outside. The Ranger enters the long hall and shuts the door behind him as he hears the sound of a large number of approaching foot steps, “I think someone has closed the portcullis, we’re stuck in now.”

- “Could be worse,” replies Trenchant.

- “And I heard patrols walking around the courtyard,” added Varis.

- “It’s worse,” snapped Nac. “Get those doors locked now, we’re need time to heal up!”

- The party quickly search the bodies of the dead Cultists in the long hall and find a key, allowing them to lock both doors into the room, before the they hear the sound of a large patrol walking outside and trying the now locked doors.

- The party listen and wait for the patrol to move on before continuing to search the long hall. A large amount of coins and gems are located. Apparently the Cult was using this hall to assess, record and temporarily store the stolen treasure into plainly made labelled chests. A ledger on a table shows the Cult has accumulated a very large treasure hoard, enough to buy a small kingdom. But the hoard is not here in this room.

- The party rest up for a short time, allowing Nac to cast a Prayer Of Healing. Naillae, feeling better now, tells the party what she saw earlier. She had entered the small inner tower, finding it empty but then heard the voice of Azbara Jos outside saying, “Quickly Rezmir, the castle is breached by unknown forces. We can not afford to let our plans or your Black Dragon mask be captured. To the portal!” Naillae heard running footsteps outside and she quickly looked outside to see the Archmage Azbara running away, holding a large full sack. Next to him ran a large black Half Dragon, large black tail waving, wearing purple robes. A black great sword strapped to their back and a Black Dragon mask strapped to his belt. That must have been Rezmir The Black Wyrmspeaker of the Cult of the Dragon Queen.

- When Naillae moved out of the tower to follow them, she was struck by two fire orbs hurled at her and she was knocked to the ground unconscious and badly burnt.

- A side door is examined and within is found a sleeping Halfling cook in a small kitchen warmed by a stove. The cook wakes up when Trenchant attempts to sneak over. The cook’s name is Tharn and he is a friendly fellow. He is a slave, captured by the Cult and forced to serve them. He is happy to help the party in any way and does give them some information about the ground level of the castle.

- Varis uses he Primal Awareness to check on the many moving patrols in the castle and if there are any Bullywugs in the inner courtyard, and finding it clear, the party decide to head out. Labarett, Nac, Varis and his animal companion Shadow head out via one door, and Gim heads out via the other. Sir Krondor and Naillae wait inside the long hall.

- Gim walks outside into the inner courtyard and is surprised to see that the dozen dead bodies of the Bullywugs the party killed previously are now standing and shuffling about as Zombies.  Surprised Gim exclaims softly.

- A shaved head of a Red Wizard of Thay leans out from a lit second story window and looks at Gim, “Kill him.” The zombie Bullywugs begin to shuffle towards Gim.

- Gim sees the face and recognises it. Long ago, at the ruins known as the Old Owl Well, the party encountered a Red Wizard of Thay called Kost. Kost and his twelve zombies were digging out the ruins looking for something. At that time, the Cult had not launched their war, and the party were not aware of what the Red Wizards were up too, so they had not attacked Kost but instead spoke to him in a friendly manner.

- Gim quickly calls out, “Kost! It’s me! Remember, the Old Owl Well. We spoke and you told us where to find the Orcs Lair.”

- Kost narrows his eyes and smiles, “Oh yes. I remember. So it’s you again.” Without losing the cold smile, Kost says in a loud voice, “Kill him.” Then Kost disappears out of view, moving away from the window.

- The Bullywugs move to attack Gim. The others, Labarett, Nac, Varis and Shadow have now rounded the inner tower and arrived at the other side of the inner courtyard. The zombie Bullywugs are easy to dispatch but harder to keep down but eventually the party manage to dispatch them all, just as a patrol of twelve Bullywugs run into view, hurling spears at the party. The party turn to face this new threat and quickly dispatch the foes easily.

- The party quickly decide what to do, knowing that more patrols are searching the castle. They decide to enter one of the closed doors in the inner court yard. As the door is opened half a dozen arrows shoot outwards from the waiting Elite Cult Enforcers within, one Dragonclaw and four Dragonwings.

- This fight turns out to be more deadly than the previous ones. The Cult Enforcers attack the party without mercy and are relentless. Naillae climbs up to the second story window where Kost had been, but has to quickly jump back down to avoid being struck by an orb of electricity that flies out, smashing the window into pieces.

- The party are trying to force their way into the building, when four more Enforcers, Dragonsouls, appear. One begins hurling orbs of electricity down at the party from the second story window and one appears at the top of some inner stairs.

- The battle is proving deadly. Soon Naillae is dropped to the ground, unconscious and bleeding to death. She is soon followed by Varis and Sir Krondor, both dying on the ground. Varis’s animal companion, Shadow, is cut down and killed instantly by the Enforcers.

- Still the party pushes on, killing the Enforcers one by one. Nac is moving about, healing and reviving the downed party members and bringing them back into battle. Gim is struck by one of the orbs of electricity and is badly injured but this also charges his Bracers Of Thunder that he then uses to blast three of the Enforcers back, badly injuring them.

- Another Enforcer drops to the ground, asleep thanks to a spell from Trenchant, after he gave up trying to control them via his Crown Of Thorns spell as the fanatical Enforcers are too mentally strong to control.

- With the party very badly injured, Varis kills the last Enforcer with an arrow to their throat. The battle was won but only just, with the party nearly defeated.

- Rushing inside the building the party quickly shut and bar the door before another patrol finds them. Varis casts a spell of Healing to aid the party whilst they catch their breath from the battle. The room, apparently a chapel of Tiamat, is searched and an elaborate dagger is found hidden within a stone statue of Tiamat.

- Trenchant uses his lute to make himself Invisible via magic, and then moves up the stairs, to see what awaits. He stops moving forward when he can hear the faint sound of someone breathing in a room beyond, possibly Kost, as he has not revealed himself again. Trenchant goes back down to inform the party.

<And as the party decide what to do, in the dangerous and relentless Castle of the Cult, that is the end of the session.>

XP Allocation

Group - Combined (This is equally divided by the number of players who were involved)

Quests (Only quests that are completed or rendered undoable, during this session, are shown here)

- Nil

Creatures Overcome

- Zombies = 600 XP

- Bullywugs = 600 XP

- Dragonclaw (1st Rank Cult Enforcer) = 200 XP

- Dragonwings (2nd Rank Cult Enforcer) = 1800 XP

- Dragonsouls (4th Rank Cult Enforcer) = 11600 XP

Individual (This is only given to that person and is not divided amongst all players)

Special Bonus (Outstanding Role Playing)

Nil

XP Levels and Player Allocations

Player : Start +  Received = Total  (Notes)

Rob : 73422 + 2114 = 75536

Arthur : 54692 + 2114 = 56806

Travis : 64955 + 2114 = 67069

Paul : 55049 + 2114 = 57163

Bob : 60390 + 2114 = 62504

NPC (Naillae) : + (1057)

NPC (Nac): + (1057)

[therealityhelix]

By Talos, This Can't be Happening pt. 34

welcome to Tamriel tuesday! Maglir was right!

@cardwrecks @captainbaddecisions

?~?~?~?~?

The Fighter's Guild was not much friendlier in Skingrad, but at least it wasn't his fault this time. A scant handful of people stood clustered together, one-an elf woman-shaking a folded paper at the others.

“It says he defaulted! Defaulted! Who defaults on a contract this easy? Why would he go around telling people he's defaulted? Doesn't he understand how that makes us look?”

“Complaining about money again, I'll bet.” A tall, russet Argonian growled. “As if we don't all take home the same pay for the same work. If he actually did anything, perhaps he would not be so beset by money problems.”

“Guest.” An olive complected man murmured. The Argonian's head snapped up to look at him.

“Heyyy...” Swag gave a little four fingered wave. “Am I interrupting something? Because I can leave.”

“No, no!” the Argonian called. “It's not that important. Come in!”

“Not that-!” the elf woman began indignantly. The Argonian cut her off.

“So, are you looking to join the Guild?” the Argonian asked quickly. “Or perhaps a recruit on the road? We have bed space, if that's what you need. I am Ah-Malz. This is Fadus, and Parwen.”

“Edward. I joined up in Chorrol.” No need to bring up the circumstances.

“Oh, under Vilena herself? They're friendly in Chorrol.”

“Sure.”

“Anyway, you come to get some carnage under your belt? Round here, we hunt goblins. They're everywhere in Colovia. Most of our jobs involve them in some way or another.”

More goblins. He didn't really like that. Yeah, they were trouble. They raided farms, set up ambushes on the roads, tried to tunnel into cities. They killed people. But he couldn't help but think of the cave he and Sky had whirled through like a tornado, The goblin mage on the road dropping like a sack of potatoes with Helix's arrow between its shoulders. She hadn't hesitated.

They were so easy to kill, and he didn't like that. If it was easy, it could get to become a habit. They weren't human, sure, but neither was the Argonian. Or the elf. Or the orc brothers back in Chorrol. It didn't make it okay. When they were enemies, you had to fight back, but that still didn't actually make it okay. Just a bad time for everybody.

“Eh, well, I've had some experience with goblins, yeah. Only signed up like a week or so ago, though, so I'm still getting my feet under me.”

“Oh, you'll run into more if you stay in the area.” Ah-Malz assured. “Me and Parwen have a tally going-��

“Malz, we don't have time for this!” Parwen scolded. “We've got to do something about Maglir!”

“And what do you propose, Wennie?” Ah-Malz asked. “We break down the door of the inn and drag him out by the ears?”

“Maybe.” Fadus said quietly.

“You know he'd just run if he saw any of us.” Parwen grumped. “He knows he's in trouble. He'll bolt the instant he sees us in the window.”

Three sets of musing eyes settled on him, and Swag saw the future.

“Yeah, okay. I'll go get him. Not gonna recognize me, huh? Where is he and what does he look like?”

The West Weald Inn was a crowded place, deceptively large on the inside, like the rest of the towns buildings. It was cozy, warm, and full of people, and one of them was Helix. He spotted her curled bob and goblin skull staff at the bar, the woman behind it pointing towards a door on the far wall.

“Hey baby, come here often?” he teased sliding up next to her.

“Nah, hot stuff, I'm new in town. Maybe you can show me around.” she teased back. “But first, looks like I found that alchemist they mentioned back at Fort Virtue.”

“Hey great! I got sent to shake down an awol fighter. It think it's that shortstack over there.”

His eyes had landed on a short, broad figure in dented iron armor, sitting by himself next to a window he kept glaring suspiciously out.

“Oh, that sounds like a pain. Have fun!”

“Can I get you something?” the woman behind the bar asked, as he watched Helix slip into the cellar.

“Hmm. Got anything non-alcoholic? Aw, c'mon.” he said at her condescending stare. “I made a promise, all right?”

Swag approached Maglir's table with a large mug of mulled grape juice-a specialty of the town. It turned out the barkeep wasn't mad that he dared to repudiate drunkenness in her establishment, it was that she thought he was an idiot for not knowing. Skingrad was famous for its grapes and tomatoes specifically; everybody had juice.

And now, so did he.

“Hey man, this spot taken?” he asked, and the elf glared up at him.

To Maglir, Swag probably wouldn't look like anything more than just another traveler passing through. He was all long thin lines, an exclamation point of a man, and he was aware of it. Even his armor was the lightest possible, and not yet broken in. With his distinctive hairstyle and handsome face, the rings in his ears and question mark pendant, he probably looked like more of a poseur than anything.

The elf grunted and glanced back out the window.

Swag set down his drink and took a seat.

“I only ask 'cause it seems like you're looking for someone.” he said.

“No one you're likely to know. What do you want, anyway?”

“A place to sit next to the window. My girl's wanting to talk to the alchemist here, so I might be waiting for a while.”

“Huh. Sounds like my wife when she gets into the fabric shop.”

“Ah. Looking for some time away?” Swag asked, nodding knowingly. Maglir shook his head.

“No, that's not it. She's lovely, really. Better than I deserve.”

“I know that feeling.”

“It's just that things are rough recently, and the assassination has made things many times worse.”

“Oh?” Swag raised one eyebrow. “Rough? Like, you havin' trouble getting work?”

Maglir scoffed.

“Work? Oh, yes, I can get work. What I can't get is pay! Look at this!”

The elf tossed a folded note across the table at him. He plucked it up and read over the contents.

“...A journal? Just that? A journal left in a cave? Who leaves a journal in a cave?”

“I don't know! Some fool mage, a hermit, a philosopher. Somebody did. I even went out there to get it, like a good little boot, and you know what I found?”

“Bats?”

“Monsters! Gobs of em! Barely even saw them, but almost lost my head! They sent me out there alone, into a cave full of monsters. It's like they want their recruits to die!”

“Who's they?” Swag asked. “Just so I can watch my back, you know?”

“Fighter's guild. I swear, you adventurers don't know much about organization, do you?”

“Nah, we fly by the seat of our pants. So what I'm getting', and correct me if I'm wrong, but your Fighter's Guild sent you out by yourself to get a lost book. Simple soundin' job on the face of it, but when you got there, it was way worse than you thought it'd be, so you came back and...gave up?”

Maglir grimaced.

“Doesn't sound good when you put it that way. More like I refuse to leave my children without a father because of some fool's errand. It used to be they'd send out two or even three of us for a job that dangerous! And the pay was better too. Now they spread us thin and throw us scraps. Hasn't been the same since the Donton boy died.”

Donton? Vilena's son? The boy had been alive when they'd left Chorrol, had something happened in the meantime?

“So basically, it's a strike.”

“So basically, I'm not going to die for a soggy book and a scant handful of coin. No, someone else can do this. You can do this, I don't care.”

Swag tucked the note into his belt. He wasn't sure he wanted to go into a monster infested cave in search of a soggy book either. But he could return the contract to the Guild at least.

Maglir complained for a while longer before finishing his drink and eventually leaving, but he left Swag with some interesting tidbits.

The Fighter's guild was on a downturn. They'd been losing recruits, taking bad contracts, losing good contracts. A rival organization was rising to challenge them. Vilena Donton had two sons, but not anymore, and after the loss of the eldest, had been shirking her duties, making everything worse. The individual Guildhalls had been left isolated, and some simply didn't have the leadership to hold together.

Looked like he'd come at a bad time.

Helix slid into Maglir's vacated seat and stole a pull of Swag's drink.

“Hello beautiful. Where have you been all my life?”

“In the cellar.” she said. “Sindarion's definitely got the info I wanted, but he's stingy with it. The plant is called Nirnroot, and prefers waterside real estate. He knows a way to use it, but he won't tell me. If I find more, I'll need to bring it to him to get anything out of it.”

“So all the both of us got outta this was headaches. Oh well. It's not like we were gonna spend a whole lot of time here.”

He encouraged her to finish his juice, then they headed back out into the busy streets. The elf at the Fighter's Guild nearly tore out her hair when Swag returned the contract to them, but he just shrugged and pointed out that he had a prior obligation he had to see to before he even thought about picking anything else up.

Besides, Swag figured a group that was so gung-ho to count goblin heads could take on a cave of monsters without too much trouble. Unless, of course, they really had been setting Maglir up.

His razor was ready, and they managed to get their rations topped up, so they stopped by the Mages Guildhall for a quick lunch, and headed for the western gate.

This side of the city boasted the tomato fields, which stretched out far into the low hills, trellises of long vines laden with colorful fruits. Helix told him about the different kinds as they walked, about determinate and indeterminate varieties, and about which tomatoes were best for which culinary applications. There were far more types than he would have guessed, but Helix liked tomatoes and grew many different sorts in her garden home, so he'd seen quite a few.

He reached over the fence and plucked a deep red one.

“D'ya think you could grow this kind? In your house?” he asked.

“Unfortunately no. When we leave, we probably won't be able to take anything with us.” she said. “At least, that's how it worked last time.”

“Ah well.” Swag sliced the fruit in half and handed her a piece. “Snack for the road then.”

The road curled around the city, away from their destination, and so they stepped into the wilds at a picturesque little pond where Helix discovered another Nirnroot chiming softly between the roots of a lonely tree. The countryside here was mostly open meadows and rolling hills dotted with sparse little copses of straight, thin trees. It was very pretty; bees hummed above the flowers, and occasionally a deer or rabbit scampered off over the hilltops. This landscape felt less hostile to him than the thick forests surrounding Chorrol, but maybe that was just because he could see further. It was still just as wild and unfamiliar, but the sky was visible, and there were no deep shadows or mist for the unknown to hide in.

Which was how he was able to see the wolf coming.

It was huge and grungy, with an odd look in its eyes. At least, Swag thought it was odd; he'd never seen a wolf face to face before.

Helix loosed an arrow: it flew wide, and the wolf didn't even pause, rushing towards them too quickly for Helix to nock another arrow. Swag swung his cane. The wolf caught it in its massive jaws, wrenching it out of his hands like a dog with a stick. Yanked off his feet, he crashed to his knees, face to wild animal face.

Swag bashed it with his fist.

His gauntlets flashed with dazzling light, a miniature crack of thunder, and the wolf staggered. Flesh sagged under the fur, fell away from the creature's head.

“The actual fuck?”

“It's a zombie!” Helix cried. Shouldering her bow, she flicked her hand out flinging a lighting bolt that blasted the undead beast apart.

“Ahg, that's fucking gross!” Swag hopped to his feet, shaking zombie bits off his armor. “It's not in my hair is it? Tell me it's not in my hair.”

Helix said nothing.

“Noooo, get it off!”

He leaned down, allowing her to pluck something from his head and toss it away.

“I need a million showers, and I need them right now.”

“We could go back to that little pond.” she suggested. Swag whined, and she took his hand, leading him back.

She rested on a rock while he washed, watching the horizon.

“See anything?”

“No. But I don't like that that thing was out there. It's not normal to just find undead wandering the wilds. Especially not animals. People's skeletons and ghosts can maybe rise spontaneously from cursed gravesites or haunted battlefields, but a zombie animal has to be made. Who made it? Why was it out there?”

“Are we sure we want to find out?”

“We might not be able to avoid it.”

“Then fuck it. So...why did my hand explode when I punched that thing?”

“Lemmie see your glove.”

Swag peeled off one of Rasheda's gauntlets and handed it over. She turned it over in her hands, closely examining the joints and stitches, making thoughtful sounds.

“Well?”

“Damn good workmanship. I didn't even notice until now. She's enchanted them with shock magic. She must've really liked you.”

Swag took the glove back.

“Yeah, we got along.”

“I heard. There were a few people who really wanted me to know. Didn't seem to believe me when I said I didn't care.”

Swag scowled.

“Not our problem if they don't understand us.”

“Nah, that's a them problem.”

She took his hand and they walked through the meadow, the honey scent of sun-warmed clover just barely covering an underlying whiff of rot.

?~?~?~?~?

[teganovak]

Sweet Elite’s D&D Campaign

Okay so Scholar is the DM and they’re either 1) super well-prepared, have all the lore and logistics down to a T, probably have like an entire binder with stuff idk, or 2) have only, like, the basic plot and lore figured out and improvise like 95% of the time.

The party’s favourite NPCs are the ones ‘inspired’ by the Arlington teachers. Including, but not limited to: Murcoc(k)* Bavis, the half-orc, Bob Chief, the friendly merchant in one of the towns, and Damelia Darlington, the ruler of one of the kingdoms in the campaign.

*There was an actual debate among the party on how to spell Murcoc, with over half of them writing it down with a k and Scholar later saying they’ve meant for it to be without a k. This caused a few of the party members to go on a little adventure of their own once their companions fell asleep to try to sneak into Murcoc’s camp. (The ones going were, of course, Ellie, Tegan, Tyler and Raquel.) They all rolled pretty high for stealth and actually managed to catch Murcoc sleeping so poor guy woke up to some nosy idiots he only met like yesterday snooping around his stuff (looking for their campaign’s equivalent of an id idk). They tried to intimidate him but that was a Nat 1 so he was actually about to whoop their ass when they were like ‘w A I T we just wanna know how you spell your name.’ Scholar, as Murcoc, once again tells them it’s without a k. ‘...iNSIGHT CHECK!’ go all four at the same time.

Speaking of Ellie, her character’s patron is the Darlingtonator. Half the party is convinced it doesn’t exist, half the party can swear they’ve seen the Darlingtonator help Ellie’s character in battle and are convinced it’s all legit. 

Randomly at some points throughout the game Ellie’s just like ‘I wanna send a quick prayer to the Darlingtonator. Something along the lines of Yo, sup, o’ Great and Mighty? I’m doing fine, I hope you are too, less than three.’ ‘...You can’t just say ‘less than three’’ ‘Why not? How do I convey a heart then?’ (Basically if you’ve seen Critical Role think Jester and the Traveller kind of thing.)

Tyler is that one player who’s always like ‘I wanna try to seduce them!’ ‘They haven’t even said anything yet.’ ‘Yeah but they look shady.’

Both Karolina and Tegan play elves but during character creation they somehow managed to create elves from opposing factions. (In the beginning of the adventure someone from the party asked them if they were related because ‘all elves look the same to me’ and completely stonefaced they were like ‘...god forbid.’)

Tegan’s the player who’s always like ‘what’s the name of this?’, ‘what’s the story behind that?’ etc. so Scholar probably has an entire notebook or sth titled Lore For Tegan where they just have like lists of random names and history bits.

Karolina always nails her intimidation checks. Always. It’s super weird because she’s never rolled below a 15 on an intimidation check but the party’s also like,,, yeah, alright, that makes sense.

Speaking of rolling, Tadashi does super well outside of combat but in battle he cannot roll above a 10 and That’s the tea. (He once rolled a 15 and the entire party lost they minds and were firmly convinced they were all gonna die.)

Claire is a Cleric, a shocker, and she’s a damn good one too! Sometimes after a battle she’d apologise for not getting the chance to do much besides healing and the entire party goes ‘No, that’s fine!’ ‘Your healing was superb though!’ ‘You did a great job!’ ‘Really saved my ass out there!!’. (Basically she’s loved and appreciated like she deserves to be. And That’s the tea.)

Axel is a Bard but his whole shtick is that he can’t actually sing so whenever he sings something to add flavour to the game, he has to sing off-key on purpose. (First time he hears it, Tadashi’s like ‘So that’s what you sound like without autotune’ and that’s the first of many interparty conflicts.)

Raquel flirts with all the female NPCs and frequently gets send small gifts and a bit of coin from her admirers. On one memorable occasion she even managed to get the party an entire castle thanks to a string of very high rolls.

Alistair is the leader of the party. (He knows Tadashi tends to take the lead in most situation but he’s already responsible for so much as it is and Alistair wanted to take some of the burden off his shoulders, even if it’s something as silly as a D&D game, so on purpose he made his character super reliable, honest, trustworthy, with tons of leadership potential.)

Neha. Is. A. Powerhouse. She’s great at combat (a hella smart fighter, uses all the tools at her disposal to the maximum), rolls amazing in battle and deals a shitton of damage and she’s like... so cool about it. Just like ‘yeah, I’m awesome, no biggie,’ but like... more dignified because she’s cool like that. Pretty much everyone wishes they could be that cool.

[royal-writer]

Kids in a Candy Store

Things I enjoy: 1) fresh new relationships that make people act like stupid horny teenagers and 2) Abe's inability to read suggestive and flirty behavior even when it's slapped in front of his face.

There was too much to love about the way she laughed. Giddy, breathless, a glass filled to the top with a fountain of champagne bubbles soft and overflowing with a sparkling light. He loved the way she loved in equal measure to her soft lips, and the smile that she wore on them. It was the best part part of her look. You couldn’t pay for a piece of jewelry or piece of apparel with even an ounce as much shine value. She was priceless.

Squinting her eyes as she giggled, Essätha turned her face to offer her cheek to the eager lips kissing her face. They obliged her a moment’s breath. Grinning against her face, trailing against the apple of her cheek and down to her jawline. His curled whiskers still teasing her, rubbing against her neck and burning a warm friction against her face.

“Stop that, you know that tickles!”

“But I adore your laughter,” he counters, nuzzling his face against her bare shoulder. He continues the line of kisses, smothering himself there so his beard rasps against her skin.

“And I want to be able to breathe, m’lord,” she stressed, snickering.

Amon smirked gleefully to himself. The soft laughter turned into a shaky gasp as he slid a hand up her abdomen. Her stomach tightened reflexively as a tense shiver raked down her spine.

Shooting down an accusatory look, Essie caught sight of the flirty impish grin shaping his rounded cheeks and lighting his dark gaze. She offered him a scowl in reply. It was difficult not to squirm as he skimmed his rough palms upward, teasing the shape of her breast.

“This doesn’t seem so ticklish.”

“You watch where you put that mouth of yours, and maybe it won’t have to be.”

His face lit up with the aspect of a challenge. Why in the gods name did she even offer it?

To her surprise, he did not rub his face into her to cause another swell of laughter. With a soft series of kisses he moved lower. Her breath escalated into a pitiful mewl of desire, wrapping her fingers into the depth of his hair to pull him closer.

She was perfectly fooled. A throaty moan that had his senses firing. The dab of perfume on her throat, a subtle vanilla with jasmine that seemed enhanced with the heat of her skin. He came to a pause with the scent still clinging to him as his nose skimmed the opening of her shirt.

Her breath hitched beautifully.

With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he burrowed his face into her chest.

Essätha squealed, sharply yanking his hair by the roots as snorts of laughter escaped her.

“Staahhahaoop!”

A groan rumbled out of Amon’s chest.

“Watch the hair, Ess’,” he rasped. “You’re pulling it like we’re beneath the sheets.”

Her tongue darted out over her lips, savoring his words as he peered up at her. His accusation turned to want in the deep pools of his gaze. A hard swallow. Still nested against her bosom, his fingertips stroking the front of her shirt.

But she loved his eyes most of all. They were vulnerable. Open books without cautious hands ready to slam shut the pages. The best sort of unguarded doors, that allowed her to walk right in and see the divine beauty of his soul. It was marked with grief, but gentle. Illuminated with softened edges; filled with all the things she admired about him.

He was beautiful. Everything about him was beautiful. He withstood hurricane force winds and seasons of terrible drought; his soul unnourished, his heart unwilling to bend or break. He was a charming looking man. Easy to fall for from his looks alone. But where people would see his stains and grimace, she saw only strength.

“Maybe I want to be beneath the sheets,” she purred, gripping his shoulder as her fingers carded through his hair.

“Even if my beard tickles you?” Amon murmured, placing a sinfully sweet kiss against her cleavage.

Her lips twitched, trying not to allow herself to smile too deeply at the stupidly adorable puppy-dog look of innocent eyes and mocking in his voice.

“I’m just glad it tickles, rather than itches.”

“I maintain my beard,” the nobleman defended shrewdly.

“I know,” she snickered. “I do like the rosemary and grape seed oil you use. It smells enchanting.”

“Mmmm, not as good as you smell,” he breathed in a hush, swiping his tongue against the top of her breast. “I could eat you up.”

A snort of laughter filled her lungs. Since when had she been dating the big bad wolf?

Amon grunted quietly, sliding his hand down her waist, over her hips, and back up as his fingers brushed beneath the hem. Her softened moan pressed to the top of his hairline where she kissed. He could feel her squeeze his arm, and travel down to grab at his ass as he leaned into her. She spurred him on; squeezing his rear and pulling him closer.

Eager to please and even more enthusiastic to get beneath her clothes, Amon crept his hand slowly up her shirt. His rough palm dragged against her curves, listening to her whimper as he frisked her.

“Darling,” he groaned, teasing his teeth in a gentle scrap against the top of her chest.

“Oh Amon,” Essätha panted, urging him closer. “Please.”

Just as he shoved his hand further up her shirt, the thud of heavy boots and clanking of armor had them quickly wrestling away from each other. Wide-eyed and shocked, they looked down the remainder of the stairwell they’d perched themselves on.

The ridge of the man’s brow rose as he looked between them from the bottom steps. Essätha exchanged a glance with the nobleman, swallowing nervously. She could feel the fire on her mortified, flushed face and saw color rising upon Amon’s as their eyes met.

“Good evening you two!” the Paladin stated cheerily. Obliviously as he combed a hand through his snowy white beard, studying them. “Everything alright here?”

She analyzed Abernathy’s face for a sign of recognition. Something that would give away a tell. But he truly seemed puzzled to see them sitting on the top of the stairs, embracing each other so intimately. Amon’s hand was still frozen midway through groping her chest.

“Amon was just… helping me… look for my… necklace…” she slowly choked, feeling the whiplash from her mind trying to come up with an excuse. “It- it fell off. I- I lost it.”

A prolonged silence drifted. Amon felt the beads of sweat forming against his temples. He swallowed, praying to Pelor the man would walk away now, and not notice the obvious tenting in his drawers. The only thing shielding the man’s view was the angle of the stairwell, and his poor sitting position which didn’t help matters. Curled into Essie’s side, his heavy breathing against her throat.

The pointy-eared orc grinned brightly. His tusks as brilliant and gleaming as the rest of his teeth he flashed in the most polite smiles.

“Oh! Is that all?” he chimed with warmth. “Perhaps I could help you two look?”

“No no!” Amon gruffly remarked, clearing his throat. His eyes peeled across the floor, pretending to be searching when he snatched upon thin air. He raised his empty fist, keeping it tightly enclosed as though producing something hidden within. His fist shook slightly as he announced in a cracked voice: “Oooh, see! I found it! It erm… it uh, hadn’t fallen down your shirt at all, Essätha.”

“T-Thank you m’lord,” Essie squeaked, offering a lop-sided and hardly convincing smile down to Abe. “And thank you for offering, Sir Abernathy, but we’re good!”

Abe beamed up at them with a complete lack of understanding. He offered a single nod, before turning on his heel. It scrapped against the wooden floor as he shuffled through the nearby doorframe that lead into the adjacent gambling hall.

In perfect unison, the pair let out a loud gust of air.

The Briarton Lord leaned up close to her ear, squeezing his fingers into her thigh as he breathed into her curls: “Bedroom?”

Flushed, the Yuan-Ti gave a timid laugh, nodding vigorously.

“Please.”

Trading her thigh for her hand, Amon clamored loudly to his feet with a grunt. His knee hit the top step, cursing softly before he stood.

She scrambled up after him. Her fingers wrapped tightly around his, and reaching around to slap his rear as she got up. With eyes like saucers, he startled a moment at the action. It quickly melted into laughter as he squeezed her hand, frantic to urge her along.

They charged the hall like maniacs, laughing all the while.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Nice of you to finally join us, Abe,” Adela purred, elbowing the man in the ribs. “What took you so long?”

He cast a friendly smile at the tiefling.

“Searching for Amon and Essätha. I found them in the stairwell.”

“In the stairwell?” she echoed with a frown. Her eyes darted from him, to the match that Rava was playing. The poor kid really had better luck trying to arm wrestle the brute then play a hand of cards with him. She was already down twenty gold pieces.

Abe turned his gaze on to the match as well. He hummed, bobbing his head in a gentle motion of a nod.

“Essätha lost a piece of jewelry. Amon was helping her find it. They were grappling all over the place.”

The pink-hued woman squinted. Gears in her head begin to turn. She placed a hand gradually to her stunned expression, a bounty of laughter escaping her. She choked on her wheezing, coughing, cackling heckling as best she could, but it distracted the old gentleman from the match. He criticized her with a scrutinizing look.

“What’s so funny? Am I missing something from the match? Did Rava sneak in a joker card again?”

“N-No,” Adela gasped, wiping at the tears misting her eyes. “What did you do?”

Knitting his eyebrows together, the orcish man wisely stated: “Offered to help them, of course. But Amon found it almost as soon as I offered. They seemed pretty shook up and tense. Must be an important necklace.”

Oh dear gods, the man was blind. She buried her face into her hands, practically weeping from her fit of laughter.

“I still do not understand what’s so funny,” Abe commented shortly, fuming as he crossed his arms.

“N-Nothing,” Adela gasped, leaning over to pat his arm. “Good job, Abe.”

He beamed at the compliment. The concept of what he’d just witnessed still flying over his head. Bless the man’s heart, you could put two people right in front of him just short of humping and he didn’t have a clue.

Now, she had wonderful ammunition to tease the two new lovebirds on. And as an added bonus, the knowledge that she could probably sneak just about anything under the radar of Abernathy without him noticing.

What an absolutely fantastic way to end the day.