#breakup angst

[skiller0dani]

The Noble House of Gaunt | Ominis Gaunt

M A S T E R L I S T Other Masterlist Harry Potter Masterlist

angst | slytherin!reader requests info w.c | 4.9k summary | An unexpected visit proves to Ominis that as long as you, a Muggle, love him...you'll never be safe.

Alexa play Ready to Run by One Direction & All I want by Kodaline.

My Aunt Tara passed away from cancer in December, so I chose to name your characters Aunt after her. Love you Aunt Tara.

Part 2 | Part 3 | Blurb

Ominis always knew that being with you would put you in danger, with him being who he is and you being who you are. Blood status has never mattered to him, he knew you were a Muggle before you presented a magical ability when you turned 15. He knew you knew nothing of magic before coming to Hogwarts, and he didn't care. He had every intention of keeping his distance when you were sorted into Slytherin- as he did with most people. Ominis has a reputation among most of the students who attend Hogwarts. They knew who his family was, knew that they did to Muggles. He was ashamed to have their name.

The only two people who didn't flinch away from Ominis in the hallway's or duck into empty corridors to avoid him were Sebastian and Anne. The siblings he desperately wished he had instead of the family he was stuck with. It was halfway through First Year when Ominis stopped going home, and yes he had received more than a few Howlers from his Mother as a result. By the time they were in Second Year, most Slytherin students had dropped all misconceptions of Ominis, the rest of the school remained wary however. He didn't blame them.

Ominis had planned on keeping his friend circle fairly small, he wanted to pass through Hogwarts as small and unseen as he could. He spent most of his time with the Twins, and Imelda occasionally. He spent 4 uneventful years at Hogwarts, save for Anne getting cursed by the Goblins. As soon as Sebastian lost his Twin, he became obsessed with curing her. His obsession was slowly leading him towards the Dark Arts and down a path Ominis wasn't sure he could follow. His already small social circle seemed to keep shrinking and there was nothing he could do about it. It was a maddeningly helpless feeling, although not one Ominis was unfamiliar with.

Being born blind meant Ominis was born at a disadvantage. He was behind most of his pupils and that meant he had to work doubly hard to catch up. Learn how to do things differently, and it was important for Ominis to be independent. He was determined to figure things out on his own, he was nobodies burden and often rejected help if it was offered to him. Maybe it's because he's stubborn, maybe it's because Ominis has a hard time trusting other people. His Mother drug him all across England in search for anything that could cure his blindness, but time and time again his Mother was told there was nothing that could be done for him. That perhaps if his family hadn't partaken in incestuous habits, then Ominis wouldn't have been born with this defect. Hearing that made Ominis hate his family all the more, he's blind and they are to blame. Paying the price for a choice he never made, it wasn't fair.

By the time Ominis turned 11, he had received his Hogwarts letter and went to get his very own wand. Apparently the wand that chose Ominis had been sitting on the shelf untouched for many many years, harshly rejecting any that attempted to buy it. It was meant for you boy Mr. Ollivander had told him. The wand chooses the wizard, that much Ominis knew. His wand was different, even Mr. Ollivander seemed in awe of the bond between Ominis and his wand. His wand became his eyes, it helped him navigate the world, and every spell he cast would hit its target. The wand would help correct Ominis's aim, would pulse if he were about to bump into something. His wand began to feel like a friend. Ominis was very excited about his wand, his Mother was less so. She wanted her son to be perfect, not blind with a wonky wand.

Going to Hogwarts felt like a blessing, he could spend 10 beautiful months away from his family. Luckily Ominis's older siblings had all graduated by the time he started Hogwarts, he only shared one year with his older brother Marvolo who was a 7th Year when Ominis started. After he graduated Ominis knew he was finally free, and for once he felt like happiness was finally possible despite the horrors he endured during his childhood. Then he met you, and so many things seemed to fall into place.

He originally met you through Sebastian, who you'd beaten in a duel on your first day. He was rather prickly when you first met Ominis, but Sebastian reassured you that Ominis is like that with everybody. You made it a personal goal to break down Ominis's walls, his heart was more well guarded than Azkaban. But unfortunately for him you were never one to back down from a challenge, and you knew there was something about Ominis you were helplessly drawn to. You spent nearly every waking moment with Ominis, well when you weren't running around crypts with Sebastian.

You spent a lot of time reading to Ominis, and while he didn't need your help reading he liked the sound of your voice. He read braille books, and Madam Scribner had been more than gracious enough to order over 150 braille books specifically for Ominis, seeing as he was the only blind student attending Hogwarts. But sitting down in front of the fireplace with you while the soft sound of your voice read whatever book you were reading aloud was addicting. Sitting close enough to smell the scent of your shampoo, the strawberry tarts you so loved, the smell of old parchment as you flipped through the book. Ominis was developing feelings for you before he had a chance to stop it. By the end of 5th Year, the two of you were inseparable.

Then he learned you were Muggle born, though it wasn't something you were trying to hide. You never mentioned it before because nobody had ever asked. You lived with your Muggle Aunt before coming to Hogwarts, both of your parents had been killed when you were a small child. Perhaps that's why you bonded with Sebastian so quickly. To say that Ominis was panicked when he learned of your blood status was an understatement. What if his parents found out he was dating a Muggle? What would they do to you? He couldn't care less what they thought of him, what they did to him. All that mattered to Ominis was you.

"You sure you're okay?" You ask Ominis again, bumping your nose tenderly against his. Something you learned about Ominis after you started dating him is that physical touch is very important to him. He always has to be touching you in some way, holding your hand, pressing his forehead against yours, light kisses when nobody is looking. Besides his super sonic hearing, touch was one of his strongest senses. It's how he navigated the world, through touch and after you got together you'd allowed Ominis to run his hands over your body. His fingers gently feeling out the shape of your face, down your arms and across your back. Goosebumps had risen on your skin, and your face flushed hotly. If Ominis could see, then he would have known where your thoughts traveled to as he innocently felt the shape of your body. All he was trying to do was get a sense of what you looked like, to picture every curve of your body the best he could. You were head over heels for him, no doubt about it.

"Yes of course, couldn't sleep last night is all." Ominis answered, his chest warming as you gently nuzzled your nose against his. You leaned forward to tenderly press your lips against his, your hand squeezing his before you stood from the couch. The common room was bustling with people, Ominis was a tad overwhelmed with so much noise. Large groups of people are when Ominis struggled the most, his hearing was very sensitive and listening to so many people talk at once was sometimes disorienting. Which is why he spent so much time tucked away in the abandoned corners of the castle, where everything was soft and quiet. He could no longer feel the heat of your body pressed against his, you hadn't even said goodbye yet and he already missed you.

"Gotta go meet Imelda, wants my help preparing for Quidditch tryouts- y'know now that Black has finally lifted the ban. See you at lunch!" You explain, pressing a kiss to the top of his head before he hears your footsteps heading towards the stairs. Ominis sat on the couch, nervously fiddling with his fingers before he finally stood. He thought about finding Sebastian, but he wasn't quite ready to forgive him for the events of last year. Anne is still utterly devastated, and Ominis felt a pang of guilt when he thought of Anne. He had gone to check on her during the break between 5th Year and 6th Year, and she had confessed to having feelings for Ominis. He remembered his cheeks burning all the way to the tips of his ears as he stammered out that he'd been dating you for a few weeks already. He'll never forget how Anne deflated, how he had caused it. He felt awful about it for days.

Instead of looking for his used to be best friend, he decided to take a stroll along the castle grounds. It was nice outside, you had told him. The sun was out and the breeze was light and warm, and sometimes being outside helped clear his head. You still hung out with Sebastian, you cared for him which worried Ominis at first. He never thought of himself as the jealous type but seeing you spend so much time with Sebastian genuinely worried him. Until you reassured him with a kiss that Sebastian was practically your brother. You were an only child, had no extended family beyond your Aunt Tara. Ominis didn't like to admit it, but he often felt inadequate compared to other guys. He had a defect...he was defective. He knew you'd scold him heavily for ever thinking of himself in that way but its true. Sebastian had described you to him during 5th Year, and Ominis so wished he could see your radiant beauty he'd heard so much about from other people.

You usually reminded him that he could see a beauty in you that nobody else could see. Told him he could see into your soul, that he could see what truly mattered. That usually made him feel better.

Ominis stepped through the front doors, thanking the person who had held the doors open for him. It was easy for other people to assume that Ominis couldn't do basic things, like figuring out how to open a door. He reveled in proving them wrong. He felt the warm breeze you described to him, and would respond with a smile as people greeted him. The rest of the school had warmed up to Ominis considerably after discovering that he was dating the 'Hero of Hogwarts'. You made every part of his life better. Although it was slightly irritating having to converse with people so often, they felt the need to incessantly talk to him. He wasn't trying to be rude, he just preferred to keep to himself. Oh come on Ominis, don't be like that. He can hear your gentle scolding in his head, so he continued to smile politely every time someone said hello.

"Hello Ominis dear, I've been looking everywhere for you." A smooth voice spoke calmly from in front of him, and Ominis prickled at the sound of her voice.

"M-Mother?" He stammered, he suddenly felt very small and helpless. The hand holding up his wand dropped limply at his side, his entire body was shaking from head to toe. Why is she here? What could she possibly want? There's no way she found out about you...no this can't be happening.

"It's been a long time Ominis, you wouldn't be avoiding us would you? Your own family..." Her voice was worryingly calm, it put Ominis on edge. He heard the click of her heels as she took a few slow steps forward, her cold finger running along his jaw.

"I've heard some troublesome rumors Ominis, troublesome enough to warrant a visit." The venom was beginning to seep into her tone now, but she was still far too calm. There must be people around.

"I've heard you've found a special someone, and you didn't tell your own Mother. Ominis I thought I raised you better than that...consorting with a Mudblood. You haven't mated with it have you?" She asked, tutting at him. Her finger turned his jaw up, forcing him to face her. She stared into his glassy eyes, fogged over and covering the beautiful blue of his eyes. She could see the fear in his face, could feel his body trembling. It brought a smile to her face. Ominis's chest tightened, she is here because of you. If Mother is here, then so is Father and likely so is Marvolo. He had always done all he could to please his parents, he was just as evil as they were- if not worse. His other siblings were likely off causing strife and misery elsewhere.

"I...we-" Ominis stammered, his voice shaking. He needed to somehow convince her the rumors were wrong. He wasn't dating a Muggle, no no the rumors were wrong. That's the only hope you have of being safe. "No, no I'm not seeing anyone."

"Don't lie to me you pathetic child." She snapped, her nails digging into the skin of his neck. He's sure her other hand is curled around her wand, the spell he's the most afraid of dancing on the tip of her tongue.

Crucio.

His heart drops into his stomach, he loves you. That was incredibly selfish of him, he put you in danger every time he spoke to you, held you, kissed you and yet he continued to do it. He couldn't stay away, you made his life so much better. He should have stayed away.

"The Mudblood has corrupted you Ominis, did you not take pleasure in their screams? You remember don't you Ominis, what it felt like to hurt them." She sneered, a lightness in her tone as she spoke of the torture Ominis tries to desperately to forget. His jaw clenches and his palms twitch every time she calls you a Mudblood. He could never see you that way. His Mother is going to hurt you, and it's because of him. All of this is Ominis's fault.

"As fun as it is to catch up, I'm here to warn you dear. In 5 days I will return with your Father and your dear brother Marvolo. You have until then to severe all ties to this Mudblood, or we will deal with her ourselves. I don't like you'll approve of our methods of removal." She explained, turning Ominis's blood to ice. Crucio. He can't let that happen to you, he can't. The thought of breaking up with you made him feel nauseous, but the alternative is much much worse. Her hand ran along his cheek, feigning the touch of a loving Mother. She leaned down to press her cold lips to his forehead.

"Don't disappoint me again Ominis, or your precious little Mudblood will pay the price. I do wonder what beautiful screams we can pull from her lips..." She muses before the air changes and she's gone. Ominis slowly crumples to the ground, tears falling from his eyes. Sometimes he thinks it would have been easier if he'd never been born.

When lunch time came around, you looked around the Great Hall for Ominis but couldn't see him anywhere. You feel a pang of anxiety in your chest as you hesitantly sit with Imelda, your eyes glued to the doors, hoping you'll see him. Ominis is never late, never keeps you waiting. He always meets you when he says he will, always. So the fact that you're nearly halfway through lunch and you still don't see him is making you panic. Imelda eyes you curiously, at first you hated Imelda. She was unbearable and rude to you but once you'd beaten her fastest times she softened. She's become one of your closest friends, as has Poppy. Imelda watches you nervously chew on your cheek, your eyes still searching for him.

"What's wrong with you?" She asks, watching your distracted eyes flicker to her for a second.

"Ominis, he isn't here." You say nervously, forking another bite of mashed potatoes into your mouth.

"I'm sure he's fine. He's smart, and he wouldn't put himself in any danger." She tries her best to reassure you, but you're not really listening. You wait a few more minutes before you're standing from the table and heading back to the common room as fast as you can. You don't know why you're so worried, surely him forgetting this once doesn't mean something bad has happened. He's fine you know he is, and yet your heart will not stop hammering against your ribcage. Your palms are shaking as you push the doors to the common room open, you will tear this entire castle apart to find him if you have to. Ominis is easily the most punctual person you know, never late to classes, turns in assignments on time, and always meets you when he says he will. Always.

You find him sitting in front of the fireplace, his shoulders slumped and traces of dried tears on his cheeks. Your entire body tenses, panic crawling up your neck. Something happened, something bad. Ominis never shuts down like this, and he never shuts you out but now...you feel like a wall has been built between you two. You can't read him as easily as you could before, he's retreating from you and you don't know why. He can hear you before you sit next to him, can smell the sweet scent of the shampoo you use. You always smell like sweets and flowers, he's going to miss that.

"Ominis, my love what's wrong? You didn't meet me for lunch..." You ask hesitantly, reaching for his hand. He doesn't say anything, doesn't turn his head at the sound of your voice like he usually does. Ominis knows that if he speaks, the only thing he will say is going to break your heart- and his own. He has no choice, but he wants to put it off as long as he can. He feels you reaching for his hand and he lets you take it. He wants to feel the warmth of your skin, of your love, until he can't anymore.

"Ominis please talk to me, you're scaring me." You plead, and he can hear the emotion in your voice. You try in vain to keep the tears at bay, but they continue to fall every time you blink. Something really bad happened, you can see how shaken up he is. Please don't push me away you beg in your head, screaming it so loud hoping somehow he will hear it. He won't even move, his gaze downturned and his entire body slumped against the couch. Who did this to him? You feel anger surge through you, somebody hurt him. Somebody did this to him.

"I can't see you anymore." The words are whispered so quietly you almost miss them. But as soon as he says it, he's pulling his hand from your grasp.

Wait, what?

"Ominis..." You trail off, you feel frozen. Your heart is breaking and you can swear you feel the pain of it. He turns his head away from you, building his wall brick by brick, the wall you spent so much time tearing down. You need to know what happened, everything was fine this morning.

"Why?" Your voice sounds so small, so broken, nothing like the strong girl he's come to love. He hates that he's doing this to you, but then Ominis can hear the echoing screams of the Muggle's his family has tortured in his head. Reminding him why he's doing this, why he has to push you away. Why he needs to make sure you stay away.

"I'm better alone, I always have been." Ominis says, keeping his voice void of emotion. Maybe that used to be true, but it isn't anymore. He knows he's going to be lost without you, but he needs to keep you safe. He has to. He stands from the couch, keeping his back turned to you. Ensuring you can't see how broken he is, how much this hurts him too.

"No, I deserve a better explanation than that. There's more to it Ominis, tell me the truth." You plead, voice wavering as tears continue to cascade down your face. He can't tell you, he wants to but he can't. He doesn't want you to be afraid, but more importantly he wants you to stay away from him. If he tells you the truth... you'll try to help him. Try to protect him, you'll stay with him regardless of the danger.

So when you say, "have you found someone else?"

He doesn't deny it, he simply nods. He could never find someone who could compete with you. Nobody on this useless planet could ever come close, but if you believe he's a scumbag who cheated on you then you'll definitely stay away. Which is what will keep you safe. He can hear you gasp, as if he's wounded you. In a way, he has. Your hand clutches your chest, feeling it tighten. You never thought Ominis was capable of...of this. Of hurting you in this way, you trusted him. All this time he's been falling in love with some other girl, holding your hand while thinking of her. You feel sick, so sick you can't stand to be around him any longer. You turn and rush up the stairs to your dorm room, slamming the door shut behind you. Ominis hears you leave and he slumps against the couch again.

He hates himself, and he loves you. Not like it matters anymore.

The next 5 days were spent with you actively avoiding Ominis whenever you saw him in the common room or hallway. You barely ate, hardly left your dorm except to go to classes. You spent most of your time crying or sleeping. Imelda tried to talk to you, but you always brushed her off. She even tried reaching out to Ominis but got nearly the exact same response. You told her what Ominis said, that there was somebody else but she thinks that's a load of crap. For the last few days, Ominis has been sulking around doing the same thing you were doing. Not eating, not leaving his dorm and going to classes. If there was somebody else, wouldn't he be with her? Not sitting in the common room with a kicked puppy look on his face?

Imelda couldn't even bring herself to be angry with Ominis because anybody with at least 1 working braincell could tell that Ominis most certainly didn't cheat on you. There's more to this, she knows there is and for your sake she wants to find out what's going on. He's never been seen with anybody else, doesn't really have friends except the Twins and he hadn't even been seen with Sebastian lately either...an idea struck Imelda then.

Sebastian!

If anybody could find out what's going on in Ominis's head, it's Sebastian. Last she saw he was heading towards the Library, so Imelda stands and exits the common room, finally leaving Ominis alone. He knows it's nearly time for his wonderful family to drop in and make sure he's taken care of the...problem. So he stands and straightens his cloak and does his best to look like he isn't stuck in the deep pits of depression. If he looks heartbroken they'll know you matter to him, and they'll punish you for it. He hears your cries every time he wanders by your dorm, he knows you never leave the dorm, knows you're barely eating. Its beginning to scare him, he doesn't want you to hurt yourself because you're so heartbroken. Ominis never meant to hurt you, he wished he could tell you that.

Imelda finally found Sebastian tucked away in the upper levels of the Library, sitting near one of the windows with a book he isn't reading in his hand. She quickly makes her way towards him, plopping herself down in one of the chairs next to him before he could protest. One of his brows raised in surprise, his expression apprehensive. Imelda never talks to him.

"Imelda." He says simply, his eyes turning to his book.

"I need your help." She says simply, causing Sebastian to look back up at her, signaling that he's listening.

"Ominis broke up with Y/N, and they're both totally devastated. He said it was because he met someone else but I think he's lying to cover something else up." Imelda rushes out, causing Sebastian to finally put his book down. Sebastian's eyebrows pull together, met someone else? No way.

"Ominis practically hates everybody except for Y/N and Anne so its unlikely that he met someone else. Why do you think I can help?" He asks, he wants to help. He loves Ominis, he's practically Sebastian's brother and you're practically his sister. He cant sit around and do nothing while you're both suffering. But he doesn't think Ominis will want to speak to him right now... not after last year.

"Uh because you're his best friend? Talk to him, please." Imelda asks, her tone pleading. Eventually, Sebastian nods and stands to go find Ominis.

Ominis however is pushing his way out the front doors, making his way through the castle grounds. He isn't sure exactly where his family will meet him, but he's sure it'll be somewhere away from the castle grounds. He continues to walk, his ear straining to hear anything when he hears the familiar sound of someone apparating nearby.

"Hello brother." Marvolo taunted, and Ominis knows Mother and Father are here as well. Ominis's body went rigid, but he did his best to stay calm. As long as he tells them what they want to hear they won't hurt you.

"Marvolo." Ominis's tone is clipped and he hears a chuckle from behind him.

"Come now Ominis, don't be like that." His Father says, his words mirroring your own and causing a pang of pain through his heart. A hand is placed on his shoulder, icy cold.

"Hello dear, have you handled your little problem?" Mother asks, running her hands along his shoulders and he can feel her breath fanning on his neck. She must be leaning close to his ear from behind him.

"Yes Mother I have." Ominis forces his voice to sound certain and unwavering. He can't allow any emotion in his voice or on his face when he talks about you.

"And how do you feel now my darling?" There's that tone again, the tone she only uses when he's said something that makes her happy. When he's being the cruel boy she expects him to be.

"Much better, you were right all along about her." Ominis says simply, feeling sullen and dejected. Her hands cup his face, forcing his head up to look at her.

"Your face looks sunken in dear, have you been well?" His Mother asks, although Ominis knows she doesn't really care.

"Yes Mother, quite." He responds robotically, and it seems to be enough to satisfy her. A groan comes from Marvolo, who's crossed his arms like a pouting child.

"Does that mean we don't get to torture the Mudblood?" He asks, sounding genuinely put off.

"Oh hush now Marvolo, we shall find another for you to play with on our way home. Care to join us Ominis?" His Mother scolds lightly, her tone gentler when she addresses Ominis. He feels his stomach turn.

"No Mother, too many assignments I'm afraid." He says calmly, hoping she accepts his no and lets him go. Please just go.

"Very well, we will continue to check up on you Ominis. To ensure you don't fall pray to weakness." His Mother says, her voice sharp and dangerous at the end. He merely nods and a few moments later they're gone.

"So that's why you did it." Sebastian says from behind Ominis, causing him to jump slightly.

"I don't know what you mean." Ominis says, his tone turning icy. Sebastian knew he wouldn't be happy to see him.

"Ominis, your family threatened Y/N didn't they?" Sebastian questions, causing Ominis to freeze.

"And what of it? I've dealt with it." Ominis snaps.

"What about Y/N?" He asks, and just hearing your name makes Ominis's heart clench.

"What about her? We're over Sebastian, and that will never change. So long as I'm a Gaunt, she will always be in danger. We can never be together, I should have known that." Ominis says bitterly.

"That's not true, if you love her then-"

"Then what Sebastian? Sometimes when you love somebody, you have to make sacrifices. Not like you would know anything about that." Ominis snaps, his shoulders rigid. He turns and makes a beeline for the castle, leaving Sebastian standing in the courtyard.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

[darkacademicvibes]

The three relationships that didn't work out and the one that did.

Because I'm a sad bitch.

"Oh my god, I'm so blind" you laugh, tears blurring your vision as Oliver stands up, alarmed. "Babe?" You shake your head, taking a desperate deep breath, trying not to let the years fall as you look up at the ceiling. You hold the breath in your throat before exhaling shakily, laughing wetly.

Your boyfriend reaches your side and places a hand on your shoulder, which you quickly shrug off, pointing at him as the first few tears fall, glaring at him out of the corner of your eye as you continue shaking your head silently. "Don't you dare touch me" you take a few shakey deep breaths, and wipe your tears, which are quickly replaced with new ones.

"Y/n, it's not what-" you point at the girl Oliver was just sitting with, talking with, kissing, and your jaw clenches as you frown in disgust. "Don't. Don't you dare say it's not what it looked like, because it looked like Oliver was cheating on me" you turn back on your boyfriend and your heart twists as you stare at him, your tears hot as you wait for him to say something.

His guilty wince tells you all you need to know.

You turn away, "oh my god, I'm so stupid" you laugh sadly, memories of Oliver talking about MJ flooding your brain. You were so blinded by your feelings for him to realize he's in love with someone else entirely.

You nod to yourself, tongue pressing against your cheek as you cry.

"Okay" you breathe, turning to face the two of them. "Okay" you smile tensely, "okay?" MJ asks nervously.

You shrug, a pained, amused smile on your lips as you sniffle.

"Okay" you nod.

"Well" you sniffle again and clear your throat, clapping your hands lightly, "I wish you two a very happy relationship" sarcasm leaks into your voice as you continue talking, ignoring Oliver's advances.

"You two deserve each other" MJ flinches, and Oliver stops, his hands falling to his sides as he stares at you.

You shake your head and push your shoulders back, standing straight as you turn and walk away from the hallway by the courtyard. You don't let yourself cry until you reach the stairs, and when you do cry, you drop your head and sob into your sleeve as you make your way to the Gryffindor common room.

The fire is going by the time you reach the red and gold room, and Sirius, Peter, Remus, and James are all laughing together beside it. You sniffle and Sirius glances in your direction briefly before doing a double take and standing up. "Hey, y/l/n, are you alright?" You laugh and fresh tears spring forward.

"Yeah, m'just a huge idiot, apparently" you take another deep breath, sending them an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I'm fine" you clear your throat and make your way over to the girls dormitory stairs, a hand grips your wrist loosely and you pause, turning to look at Sirius Black.

"Come on, tell us what's wrong" he pulls you gently to sit down on the couch between him and James Potter, and suddenly you're spilling everything about Oliver and your relationship.

About how he made you feel insecure, and how he was always either with MJ or talking about her, and how you feel like an idiot for not noticing it sooner. Remus Lupin feeds you seemingly endless bits of chocolate as you cry, and Peter makes sure you have water while James rubs your back and hold the tissues, while Sirius agrees with you when you shit talk Oliver but discourages you from shit talking yourself.

"I just feel so dumb, it was right in front of me and..." You trail off and accept the next piece of chocolate from Remus, who rubs your knee gently from the floor beside you. "Thanks Remus" you mumble, biting into it. He nods silently, offering you a gentle smile.

You accept another tissue from James and wipe your tears before taking another one and finish wiping your face. You laugh awkwardly, sniffling a little.

"If this is what crying over breakups with you guys are like I might have to hunt you down every time" you joke, and Remus shrugs.

Sirius and James share a look before nodding and they all turn to Peter, who nods, making the ultimate decision, before they all smile.

"Don't be silly, we're friends now, you hang out with us and we'll take care of you. Whatever you need" James pulls you into his side, and you feel like you're with your older brother for a moment.

"Really?" You sniffle, (broken) heart warming at the gesture. They all nod and you tear up again. "We're so sorry, we didn't mean to make you cry" Peter gasps, gently wiping your new tears away with his unused handkerchief. "No! Not at all, thank you, I just have a hard time making friends sometimes, so I'm not used to just being adopted into a big group" you explain.

"We're here to make you feel loved, y/n. It's what friends are for" Sirius assures you, his words turning teasing at the end of his sentence.

They stick by your side for the rest of the night, and you all eat breakfast together the next day.

⁀↘‿↗⁀↘‿↗⁀↘‿↗⁀↘‿↗

You didn't see it coming, it'd been a year of being single with a couple of flings between months after Oliver, and then you'd met Ben. Remus and Peter hated him on sight, but Sirius liked how he acted with you, and James thought he was pretty cool, so you went out with him. Once, then twice, then three times, and that turned into seven months together.

Until now. "I can't believe you!" He shouts. You scoff, gesturing to your black eye, "you can't believe me?" You yell, incredulous.

It was an accident, he'd hit a bludger at Marlene in the quidditch game and she'd dodged, but Hanson, the Gryffindor beater closest to the rougue bludger was too slow and it caught you in the eye.

You wouldn't care as much, if your boyfriend had even stopped to check on you, or visit you after the game, or apologize at all.

Now he's calling you insane for wanting an apology for your black eye and mild concussion, because he didn't stop playing to call over the field and ask about you, and then went to the Slytherin party after they used your injury as a distraction against Gryffindor.

"I told you it wasn't meant for you! It was an accident!" He defends himself, and you roll your eyes. "So? Normal people would apologize anyway!" You stress, he shakes his head.

"Bullshit, why would someone apologize when they haven't done anything wrong?" Tears built up in your eyes and you have a deep breath.

"Because they did do something wrong, they just didn't mean to, and you didn't even bother to check on me!" You cross your arms over your stomach, insecurity scratching at the back of your throat.

"Seriously? I checked on you the next morning, you psycho!" You flinch back at the insult and shake your head, guilt flashes in his eyes as he takes a step forwards, "sweetheart, I didn't mean it" you purse your lips.

"Apologize" you watch him, and realize, he isn't going to. "Dove, c'mon-" he laughs, but you shake your head.

"Never once" you state plainly, and he frowns in confusion as your eyes fill with tears. "Never once have I ever gotten an apology from you, for anything, and when I ask for a well deserved apology, you call me insane, and a psycho" his eyes widen.

"Apologize, or I'm done" he scoffs, running his hand through his hair. "Babe, don't be a bitch, let's just talk this out" he pleads, but you shake your head.

You didn't get an apology when he missed your anniversary date, or when he called you by his ex's name, or when he tried to give you fish (which he knew you don't eat), or when he hit you with the bludger and didn't bother to check up on you, and you clearly aren't going to get one now.

"If you want us to stay together, fight for us, fight for us by apologizing" you plead, and he huffs, crossing his arms. The tears spill as he finds a sudden interest in his shoes.

"Fine, you don't wanna admit you're in the wrong, I get it. It's being the tough guy over your girlfriend, right?" You hope to god he says no, that he gets over himself and apologizes, but your heart shatters when you watch him nod to himself before looking at you and nodding, tears in his eyes as well.

"Right" you whisper, spite filling the single word as you turn and leave the Slytherin common room. You hear him sigh shakily, but you ignore it, despite the way it tugs violently as your heartstrings.

You go to the boys, and they comfort you, Peter mumbles a small "I told you he was shit" as he hugs you when James gets up to grab the tissues, and you laugh weakly, even as Sirius shoves his shoulder gently.

Remus holds you most of the time, feeding you bits of chocolate as the boys tell you how Ben wasn't even worth anything anyways, and how he obviously won't make it into anyone else's bed after he didn't bother to check up on you after the quidditch accident. Apparently Sirius had heard the girls talking about it and managed to get the inside scoop.

Hence the lilac painted nails.

"I like them though, Kasey said she'd lend me the colour anytime, that is one amazing woman" he grins, showing off his almond shaped nails, filling them down a little. You've never been able to grow your nails as strong as his, and the little bastard is a gatekeeper.

You allow him to do your nails, a light brown, the colour of Remus' eyes, James notes.

You wait until they're finished before comparing them to the werewolves eyes, and James was right, of course, Sirius being as over the top as he is, added a couple of light green streaks of nail polish, just noticeable in the right light, to make them the same after you admit the colour was pretty much exact.

You refuse at first, but you eventually let him, you already know you didn't want to win the argument anyway.

When you're sure the boys are all asleep, having been invited to stay for the usual sleepover/study night, you cast a lasting charm on the nail polish, unaware that Sirius was awake as well, grinning to himself.

Lilly asked about your red-rimmed eyes the next morning and you admit everything, unaware of the sly smile she got upon seeing the green shine through in your nails, and Remus flushes at the wink she sends his way. She absolutely sides with you and promises to tell Marlene.

Ben couldn't get a girlfriend for the next nine months.

⁀↘‿↗⁀↘‿↗⁀↘‿↗⁀↘‿↗

It was only a couple months before you were paired up with Evan Lancaster in potions, and when you met, you just hit it off. After a while, he asked you to be his girlfriend and you accepted. When you told the boys, Peter and Sirius both groaned like you'd told them the Slytherins won against Ravenclaw and they'd have to change their whole quidditch defense plan, James sighed like Lilly had just told him she'd absolutely go on a Christmas date with him but it was still February third, and Remus simply smiled, "I hope he's.. The one, this time" he'd mumbled.

It took you four months to realize Evan was in it for the money. It wasn't a secret that you came from a family almost more well off than James's, but you hadn't expected it to ever interfere with your love life.

You gave it two more weeks before giving up and breaking it off.

"What?" Evan asks from his spot on the bench, his book open beside him. "I'm breaking up with you" you repeat, tears blurring your vision.

"Oh.. Why?" He asks, you can hear footsteps approaching, and assume it's one of the boys to help you out (probably Sirius), you ignore it.

"You're using me, Evan. It's clear as day! I'm done, I pay for everything, I plan everything, I had to remind you about our date this weekend because you said there was nothing special happening that morning! It's just... Shitty" You run your fingers through your hair, pulling gently.

"It really is mate, I may be a Slytherin, but even I wouldn't do that" someone states, you turn to see Evan Rosier behind you, scowling at the boy.

"Rosier?" He glances at you, scowl falling into a gentle, barely there smile as he presses his hand to your lower back. "Go, Reg is waiting for you, he knows where Lupin is. I'll handle this fucker" you frown, the tears in your eyes making their way down.

"Oi, fuck off Rosier, you're not gonna get her money y'know, I'm her boyfriend" Lancaster snaps, and your heart twists. You'd known that was why he was with you, but is that all he really saw? A bag of money instead of a girl?

You're in your sixth year for fucks sake! You should be able to take care of it yourself.

"It's fine, Rosier, thank you" you whisper. He shakes his head, "no way, Reg heard all about you from Sirius, and we heard about you from Reg. We like you, we've got your back, go to Lupin, you clearly need him" Rosier smiles weakly as you nod and make your way over to Regulus Black, the sickening sound of punches follow you. But you catch what he's beating into Lancaster.

"She's a pretty woman you ignorant prick, not a bag of money, obviously you need to learn the difference since you've clearly not had much of either"

Regulus tucks you into his side as he guides you to the front courtyard, as soon as he spots you, Remus stands up. He abandons his books and conversation with Sirius and makes his way over to you.

Remus gently takes your face in his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe away your tears sweetly, "what's a matter, love?" You sniffle and laugh wetly.

"I broke up with Evan" you shrug. Remus frowns, tugging you closer and wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug.

When he pulls away, he guides you back over to Sirius and sits you down.

"Why?" He asks, and you laugh again, wiping at your tears with your hands.

"I finally got the message, y'know," you shrug, your fingertips brushing away the newer tears before they have the chance to make their way over your cheeks.

You're smile drops a little, "he didn't love me" you hesitate, your heart aching. "He didn't.." Regulus sits beside Sirius with a curious frown. "He didn't even like me" you scoff. You can see Remus' question before he even opens his mouth.

Then why was he with you?

Sirius sends you a sympathetic smile, he understood all too well, why Evan was with you.

You chuckle, your French tipped nails tapping gently against your lips. "He liked the money," you nod to yourself.

"What?" Remus asks, incredulous.

"Ohh, yeah" you laugh, shaking your head. "He liked the money" you shrug sadly "I'd had enough, so I got out... I left him" Remus shakes his head, pulling you into a tight hug. How anyone could fake love for something as pathetic as money wasn't something he wanted to know.

"You'll find someone worth your time, angel" he sighs. You nod and melt into his side.

"Maybe, but I'm done with boys until we graduate" you mumble, melting into Remus' side. Your fingers pick at your cuticles, and Sirius smacks your hand away.

"Okay, now that you've dumped the rat bastard, can we do something fun with your nails?" Sirius pleads, bored of doing basic nails because Evan liked them.

You nod. "Great! I'm thinking different shades of brown" you share a bored glance with Regulus and he feels warm as you include him.

You let Sirius run wild with your nails and end up adoring the end result, you show Remus as soon as you're given the go ahead to touch things from Sirius and the werewolf smiles softly at you as you gush about how cute they are. When you look up to see his opinion, he simply nods and keeps smiling at you with those eyes.

"Adorable, pads did really good, they suit you" Remus compliments.

You have Sirius do your nails like that in different colours every two months.

⁀↘‿↗⁀↘‿↗⁀↘‿↗⁀↘‿↗

Much to everyone's surprise, you actually were finished with relationships, including flings and hookups, until graduation. Obviously some people assumed you were seeing someone under wraps, or that you had even come to think love was a falsehood, though neither were true. Nor were any of the other hilarious rumors that you'd gushed over and mocked with the boys, Lilly, Alice, and Marlene.

Having so much spare time ended with you playing matchmaker over the last two years of Hogwarts, pairing Marlene and Dorcas, and managing to get Lilly to go out with James, you even dabbled a little and got Barty Jr to confess to Evan Rosier, which went about as well as you assumed it would: wonderfully.

The one person you couldn't find a match for in your mind, was Remus. Though, he'd always assured you he was simply waiting for the girl of his dreams to come around on her own, claiming she'd made rules for herself in regards to dating, which you understood and dropped the topic, though, you never let him forget about your constantly budding curiosity.

The cheers were loud as Dumbledore finished his graduating speech, claiming there would be a celebration party in the great hall for the graduates last Friday at hogwarts, seeing as school ended the next Thursday.

"Hey, sunshine, you know how you once told me to hurry up and kiss the mystery girl of my dreams?" You turn, recognizing remus' voice immediately, "yeah, what about-" your words are cut off by a soft kiss that tasted like sea salt chocolate and caramel, and set sky-lighting fireworks off in your stomach.

Another rounds of cheers go up, some assuming that it was a coming out of your relationship as you wrap your arms around your best friends shoulders, kissing him just and softly, and others glad that the hopeless, not-so-secret, pining Remus had been doing for four and a half years wasn't going unannounced.

You both pull away slowly, and Remus presses his forehead against yours. "You said till graduation" he mumbles, and it rips a soft laugh from you. "Remus John Lupin," you scold in a soft whisper, "I told you in fifth year that you know I'd break any rule for you" you remind him.

"That was you threatening to turn Snape into a cockroach and abandon him in the Forbidden Forest" he retorts, and you smile fondly at the memory. "The offer is still there, just as tempting" you admit, laughs quietly with him.

"So.. how about a date?" He asks, his honey eyes gazing softly at you.

You smile and nod, "yeah, why not" you smile and he rolls his eyes playfully at your joking shrug, pressing a softer kiss to your lips. "Finially" he mumbles, and it makes you smile again, yeah, finally.

[souperbloom]

the way things go. [A.I.]

title from the song the way things go by beebadoobee

ex boyfriend!ash

part 1 of 2 | random little post breakup angst.

a/n: i’ve never written anything like this so i thought i’d give it a try— let me know what you think :) there will be a part 2 but im still unsure of what direction to take this in so if you have any suggestions feel free to drop them in my inbox!

no major cws, just a brief mention of drinking & vibes. ☻

WORDCOUNT: 3.5k

⋆⭒˚｡⋆

You around?

Sent. 2:58am

An odd buzzing from beneath your pillow stirred you awake from the deepest sleep you’ve had in weeks. Your phone buzzed once and just like that, you were awake? Couldn’t be. It had to have been some sort of sixth sense.

Call me. I miss you.

Sent. 2:59am

The silk pillowcase cradled your cheek as the buzzing continued. Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.

Baby, please.

Sent. 2:59am

I miss you.

Sent. 2:59am

So much.

Sent. 3:00am

It wasn’t long before the incessant buzzing frustrated you to the point of reaching beneath your pillow and yanking your phone out from under it. The harsh light made your eyes water and burn, but the notifications on the screen made them ache even more.

ASHTON: 5 New Messages.

You’ve gotta be fucking kidding.

What was once a fluttering feeling in your chest, seeing his name sprawled across the screen, turned abruptly into agony. You didn’t think it would be so soon— him reaching out to you. It had been a month, almost to the day, since you and Ashton had called your three and a half year relationship quits. Things were serious enough to bring marriage into the question and suddenly, one random Tuesday night, it all came crashing down. He told you that it wasn’t you, that it was him, that it was the right person at the wrong time and all of the other painfully worn out cliches. To think that you even considered marrying him at all.

A crazy thought at three in the morning.

And even crazier when you thought about him texting you in the middle of the night. After a month of no contact.

have you been drinking?

Sent. 3:01 am

Your thumbs twiddle quickly and hit send, waiting for those three little deathly bubbles to pop up and confirm that no, you weren’t dreaming and yes, he was anxiously awaiting your reply.

ASHTON

Maybe. Maybe not.

Sent. 3:01am

His response makes you grumble; Ashton was absolutely insufferable— and even more so when inebriated. You didn’t want to deal with him right now, it was in your best interest to just ignore him and fight the thought of him right back to sleep.

But something inside of you wasn’t allowing this to be that easy.

go to bed.

Sent. 3:02am

ASHTON

Not until you’re in it.

Sent. 3:02am

that made no sense.

Sent. 3:02am

Why was it so difficult to put your phone down?

ASHTON

I don’t give a shit. I miss you.

Sent. 3:03am

You were far too tired to be entertaining his stupid desires at such an odd hour of the evening. The time was one thing, but the fact that he was drinking was an entirely new fish to fry. You knew that your actions had consequences, and those consequences were something you’d have to deal with in the morning.

stop texting me.

Sent. 3:04am

Maybe he’ll get the hint.

ASHTON

Come over?

Sent. 3:04am

Okay. Maybe not.

Your bottom lip had gone raw from the amount of biting you’d been doing to it recently, and it had yet to stop at all. It was a nervous habit you’d picked up after the breakup and you thought you were doing well at combating it by picking at your nail beds and twirling your hair— but now, these little ticks were coming out all at once.

You were a walking ball of nerves and haven’t been the same since that random Tuesday, almost a month ago.

no.

Sent. 3:05am

Look at you. Standing your ground. You were so proud of yourself.

ASHTON

Please?

Sent. 3:05am

fine.

Sent. 3:08am

Fuck.

The time it took for you to get yourself decent must’ve been some sort of world record. Because now, seemingly seconds later, you were in your car and hunched over your steering wheel. Taking deep breaths in as the cool leather pricked your balled up fists.

This fucking sucks.

You turned the key and the engine begrudgingly grumbled to a start. Even your car knew that this was a poor decision; sounding like it was about a five mile drive from completely giving up on you.

Lucky for you, Ashton’s house was only a mile away.

The dark winding road leading to Ashton’s driveway felt like an eternity. You were frigid at the thought of him sitting and waiting up for you, sitting on that deep mahogany leather couch with his head tossed back onto the cushions. His knee bobbing impatiently and the light of the TV making his face glow pale. A glass of whiskey, or whatever the fuck poison he picked nowadays, clutched in his hand and taking small sips until ice melted gradually and watered it down.

You hated how much you knew about him. How predictable he had become in your time being with him. You knew that whatever image your brain was conjuring up of him was probably true, down to the outfit he was wearing.

You didn’t bother texting him because you knew that the second his porch lights turned on, he’d be slouched against the doorframe waiting for you. As he always did. Your tires crunched against the gravel as you slowly pulled into his driveway; shaky hands and tired eyes working in tandem to park your car in the usual spot.

“Didn’t think you’d actually show up.”

The familiar voice pulls your gaze away from your slippers and just as expected, there he was.

His hair was a few inches longer, auburn and honeycomb waves colliding into a box-dyed mess. His roots were so much darker, after you had worked so hard on the touch ups and hours spent bent over the bathtub rinsing the bleach out to lighten his black dye job. All of that time was in vain.

There was an appropriate amount of stubble surrounding his cheeks, for the time you’d gone without seeing him. You were too busy admiring his face to notice that he was wearing the Keith Haring printed robe you had gifted him for Christmas.

You probably looked crazy.

“You asked me to come over,” you shrug, trying to make light of the situation.

“So… you came?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

The tension rising was palpable, despite the tasteful three feet of distance between your bodies, and the only thing you could think about now was the way his mossy eyes sparkled beneath the porch lights.

“Well,” he breaks the silence with a chuckle, “Don’t just stand there. Come inside.”

You don’t say anything else after stepping over the threshold of the house you’d spent almost four years living in. Everything was the same. And you’d imagined it as so. To any normal person, a month wasn’t a terribly long time. But the time after a breakup all seems to mesh into one long day, since stepping into his house for the final time to grab your things felt like it was yesterday.

The guitars still mounted to the wall and decorated art pieces that hung to and fro reminded you of all of the effort you’d spent making this house into a home.

“Is Calum here?” you ask about his best friend and roommate, trying to pay attention to anything else in the room but him.

“Nope. He’s out.”

“Cool.”

Ashton moves around the living room with ease, unperturbed by your presence as he glides over to the connected kitchen. “Want a drink?”

“No. Don’t plan on crashing here, if that’s what you were expecting.”

He lets out a wry chuckle at your attempt to be stern, “I wasn’t expecting anything. Just— trying to be a polite host.”

“Yeah well,” you sigh, flopping back onto that old leather couch, “You don’t have to act like I’m some stranger.”

“Stranger?” he quizzes, opening the door to his fridge as his disembodied voice echoes behind you, “What makes you think I’d treat you like a stranger?”

Your shoulders tense up at his soft words, Ashton rounds the corner back into the livingroom to join you on the couch. He hands you a glass of apple juice, and you take it.

“Thanks,” you murmur, the thought of him keeping a bottle of apple juice in the fridge for you sending a chill down your spine. Despite making fun of you for it, he always remembered that it was your favorite.

“So…” he begins, shifting on the couch to face your slouched body.

You glance over at his posture, and the familiarity of it all was making your head hurt. To think that the way someone chose to sit on a couch was causing you so much grief felt unnatural.

“...How have you been?”

“Fine. Just— living. I suppose that’s all I could really ask for.”

“Living, huh? Sounds fun. Better than dying. If you said you were dying I’d definitely be a little less excited about you showing up here. Walking corpses are not as cool as they are on TV.”

The way Ashton constantly spoke in tongues drove you up the wall. “What the fuck are you even saying?”

“Sorry, I’ve— been watching a lot of TV recently. Also I, uh— had a bit to drink.”

Yeah, no shit.

A few more moments of deafening silence pass and ultimately confuse you. You aren’t sure how silence could be something so loud but alas, whenever you looked at, heard, or even thought of Ashton since that one Tuesday night, the only thing you could hear was the sound of your own quickening heartbeat.

“Do you still have my cashmere sweater?” The thought pops into your mind randomly, as he takes a moment to admire you.

“I do. Did you want it back?”

That question pulls a dry chuckle out of you, “If I didn’t, I probably wouldn’t be asking for it.”

“Fair point. I know just where I left it, too— I’ll go get it.”

Ashton shifts to the edge of the couch to stand up, but stumbles back, due to whatever he had flowing in his system. He braces his ring-clad hands onto the leather and the metal adorning his knuckles tear down into it.

Glancing at those miscellaneous metal etchings and gemstones you’d gifted him makes you think about his infatuation with rings. And, his request for only eight of them.

Your mind flashes back to the anniversaries and milestones where he attempted to collect one for every finger. It could have been preference, or maybe he didn’t foresee enough milestones in which he’d acquire them—but you were never quite sure why he didn’t ask for ten.

He was weird in that way.

“You still wear your rings?” you ask, debating on biting your tongue after letting the question slip right out.

He stops in his tracks, as does your heart, “Of course I do. Why?”

“Dunno’,” you shrug, brushing your shoulder and letting your hand linger on your skin, “Just didn’t think you’d want to after everything.”

Ashton looks at you with intrigue; with purpose. He studies the hand of yours that had been left timidly resting on your forearm.

“Well, to ask you your own question; why wouldn’t I?”

His words hit you like a freight train and suddenly there’s a tightness in your chest that wasn’t there before. You were proud of yourself for being level headed— up until the moment you realized he was right; why wouldn’t he wear those rings?

Why wouldn’t you come over?

“Ashton?” The tightness in your chest was now spreading to your entire body, coating your limbs in this strange paralysis that always seemed to happen when you thought about him.

“Yeah?”

“I miss you, too.”

You don’t even get a moment to process how quickly you were straddling his lap, your crewneck riding up your back as his hands made an effort to explore you. The kiss was heated, sure, but you couldn’t tell if the resentment you felt towards him was meshing into your desires. Those soft little whimpers escaped his chest as you practically pinned him down onto the couch between your knees. You weren’t sure what came over you. Could’ve been his newly acquired taste for classical Hollywood cinema, or the fact that smelling his cologne felt like a breath of fresh air after a month spent locked in a tight little room.

“Ashton,” you mumble his name into his lips and they ricochet back onto yours.

“Oh, Y/N”, he hums, “How I’ve missed you, baby.”

Your tongues danced beneath the glowing of the silver screen, Casablanca being the most appropriate film to be on his television right now.

“I’ve–” your breath staggers, taking a moment to nip at his bottom lip, “I’ve missed you too. God fuckin’–”

The words you were meant to speak were entrapped by soft moans, as Ashton pulls you into his airy pajama pants. He holds you tightly, like he had never left.

“Do– do you–” He attempts to ask the question, the age-old question that had you rethinking your decision to come to his house in the first place.

“I don’t know…”

Your hand travels up to his hair and drags down to cup his cheek, the stubble slightly scratching at your palm and reminding yourself of the blisters that were left in the place of Ashton’s many, many attempts to teach you the drums. Two and a half years of consistent practice paid off.

“That’s okay,” he consoles, nuzzling his cheek into your hand, “We don’t have to do anything. We could just– lay here, y’know? Never minded it, still don’t.”

His answer surprises you. You nod and stutter, unable to form a coherent thought due to the warmth of his bare chest beneath his robe.

“Mmmh. You know what?— I change my mind.”

He chuckles, “Do you, now?”

“Yup. I want to. Gotta’ get whatever the fuck this is— out of my system.”

You couldn’t describe the way Ashton’s face morphed into that of a kicked puppy. The pain in your chest was blatantly obvious now, like a subtle pinprick every time the dim lights would catch the sparkle in his eyes.

“Out of your system?”

“I didn’t— I didn’t mean it like that,” you say; an oxymoron of sorts. Since the elephant in the room started stomping around and now, you were straddling him and tucking a lock of his hair behind his ear.

“I guess I can’t disagree with you. I’ve been missing you a lot but— I don’t know, I can’t really place what I’m feeling.”

Your lip tugs to the side, as does his. Twin looks of confusion in an effort to read each other’s faces. “Let’s just— pick up where we left off? Maybe it’ll help get your mind off the existential dread.”

“Existential dread, huh? Is that what this feeling is?” he asks, his hands running up and down your spine beneath your crewneck.

“Yeah, sure,” you swallow hard, harder than you’d intended and you choke on your words, “We can call it that.”

He whispers your name softly and the chills start running down your body. His voice was the one thing you couldn’t get over; no matter how many nights you’d spent staring at the ceiling in an effort to change that. You’d hear him calling out to you every time the wind blew and hearing him say it right in front of you felt like a slap in the goddamn face.

“Y/N, I’m sorry—”

“It’s a little too late for that now, don’t you think?”

You hated to be so morbid and dry but in the end, it was true. If he had wanted to give apologies where they were due, they should’ve been said the moment he called it quits.

“I figured it’s better late than never. You deserve an apology for— everything that went on.”

Your face turns cherry red, a sudden wash of anger flushing over your cheeks. You push yourself off of his chest with a force that you didn’t even know you were capable of. He jerks back, awe-stricken at the sudden change.

“Oh fuck you Ash. You’re so full of shit,” you mutter, fueled with sudden rage, “If you really wanted to apologize you’d have been at my doorstep a month ago. You don’t care about me. You only care because I’m right in front of you and looking at me hurts too much for you to ignore it.”

“You think I don’t care about you?…”

Ashton’s voice cracks and suddenly you were feeling awful for blowing up unprovoked. The notch in his forehead grows deeper as he studies your infuriated face with sincerity.

“Y/N, of course I fucking care about you. Are you kidding me? I care about you more than anything in this world.”

Another one of those pinpricks tugs at your heartstrings.

“Then why did you let me go?”

Without a moment’s notice or any sort of explanation, Ashton pulls you back into his chest and slots his lips against yours. You don’t fight it. In fact, you embrace it. Another frenzied kiss of daring tongues and roaming hands against the places that felt so familiar to the both of you.

Just as the kiss goes rogue and his lips sloppily traipse down to your jaw, you feel a small droplet roll down your cheek. One that didn’t belong to you.

A quiet sob is preceded by a sentence that rips your heart out of your chest.

“I never wanted to. I never wanted to let you go.”

“Ashton,” you murmur, feeling your eyes welling up just the same, “I—I didn’t know—”

He interrupts your thought with a string of kisses down your neck towards your chest. His hands roam with fervor, feeling you up as though you were the last thing he would ever be allowed or able to touch. You embraced his blistered hands and the way they knew every crease and divot in your body, how effortless he was at drawing you back in.

“I never knew how to get you in front of me to actually say the things on my mind but now that I have you I just— I couldn’t fight the pain in my chest when I looked into your eyes for the first time.” His rambling was trailing off into muffled sniffling and staccato phrasing; it was causing you physical pain to hear him this way.

“I just assumed you hated me. I thought you never wanted to see me again, Ash. Why didn’t you say this sooner?”

“What? No. No, I don’t hate you,” he defends, still solemn, “I just— didn’t know how to reach out. It took me a lot to swallow my pride and send you that text, Y/N… I’ve never been good at communicating.”

“Tell me about it,” you break the tension with a lighthearted hand, but remnants of your feelings for him lingered above your head like a storm cloud.

“But my actions have consequences, I’ve learned… I’d drive past your house and it’d take everything in me not to bang on your front door and drop down to my knees. Beg you to forgive me for everything I put you through… Everything I do reminds me of you in some way and— it was hard to even think about the two of us existing in the same universe without the other by our sides. It just, it didn’t feel natural—”

You felt sorrowful enough to place a kiss on his cheek as he rambled on, masking tears of your own and letting them drip down his cheek.

“— And when you told me ‘no’ after I’d asked you on a whim to come here, I thought it was over. My entire life flashed before my eyes and you weren’t in it and it just— it fucking killed me.”

“But Ashton, I’m here,” you say, watching his face deconstruct into more of a manic expression as he digressed, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know you’re here. You’re here now and— I know you always told me to live in the moment, but fuck. There’s so much left to say.”

You cup his jaw and tilt his gaze back into yours, after it had wandered behind your head as it always seemed to do.

“I’m sure there’s a lot to say but Ashton, you’ve made up your mind. That’s just… the way things go.”

Another tear falls rogue from his malachite eyes and your thumb is there to catch it. His gaze is gut-wrenching, plucking at every single one of your impulses and all of the progress you’ve made in getting over him.

“Is it too late to change that?”

Your mind starts reeling. The words you’d never thought you’d hear coming from his mouth were finally out in the open and there was no sign of him taking them back. The initial issue was his lack of communication but fuck, you didn’t know it would come back to bite you so soon.

You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about sending him a simple text to meet for coffee in hopes to ‘change his mind’, but it seemed as though he was thinking about it just as much as you were. There was no point in fighting it anymore. The two of you were meant for each other. If a month of no contact was all it took for him to realize how much he needed you…

…Then maybe that random Tuesday night wasn’t the worst thing after all.

[kitsuvil]

— be quiet and drive. [kazuha x gn!reader]

warnings/notes; modern au, angst, NO HAPPY ENDING, breakup angst, lots of arguing, kazuha never actually recovered from his familyless trauma, cursing, im so sorry in advance, listen to glimpse of us by joji after this and imagine yn or zuha expericing it in a new relationship after their breakup

summary; kazuha was on thin ice and he broke it, oops. aka you guys got into an argument and broke up and you drove him home

words; 1k

“I don’t think I can love you anymore like this,” He mutters the words underneath his breath, but every part of my body picks up on it. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to feel right now. Hurt? Forgiveness? Anger?

‘Do you really mean it?” I drop the car keys.

“No– I mean, I wish I didn’t? You know this, [name]. I love you so much. But neither of us can handle this.”

“Kaedehara Kazuha. No. Why did you think it was a good idea to pull this shit?”

“I never said it was a good idea.”

“So why did you do it?”

“I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

“Stay sorry, there’s no forgiving this. I can’t accept your apology.”

No matter what emotions course through me right now, I can’t make any logical decisions. No matter the feelings Kazuha’s face clearly carries. The widened eyes that have those all too well-known salty tears forming on them, his mouth that’s still left slightly ajar as he was ready to say his next words of regret. None of those words would mean anything, no matter how flowery he could make them.

“Don’t even think about sucking up to me. No flowers at my doorstep tomorrow morning as if nothing happened, alright?”

“Does this really have to be it?”

“You caused it, Kazuha. Who in their right mind would get drunk and rip every single of their lover’s childhood photos and proceed to cry about how alone and unloved they feel, despite the person right next to them and suddenly try to break up with them? I’ve always been there for you, cried with you for your forgotten family, even took you into my own family with so much trust and love, but you do this in response. You’re jealous, so disgustingly jealous.”

“I was drunk, I didn’t mean any of it.”

“YES YOU DID,” The burning sensation in my throat wells up until the hot tear drops fall down my cheeks. Never did I think I’d be yelling at the love of my life like this. It’s not even that deep, but the cracks in my heart from caring for him so much just to get this in response, just for him to pretend like I’ve never been there for him? Those cracks mean so much more to me than the shared memories we’ve created.

I gave him my own family so that he didn’t deal with the trauma of all of his relatives being passed. I gave him everything, out of compassion and sympathy. And he tossed it to the dirt and decided to rip up my memories. That’s not something I could deal with, not right now.

The look he shared with me when I came home from working for the two of us today is engraved in every part of my brain, no matter how much I wish I could pull it out. It was hopeless and cold, nothing like the Kazuha I started dating a year ago. Nothing like the Kazuha who looked cheerful and excited to explore the world with me. It scared me, the loneliness I didn’t know he was capable of, even if it was momentary. And I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to recover from it. Because if he can say that he doesn’t think he loves me anymore the way he did a year ago, there’s no way I can reciprocate the same feeling. There’s still a knot on my heart, one that he created, and one that I’d have to untie myself if he leaves.

“Take me to Heizou’s, I give up. You won’t hear me out.”

“I was already planning on it. Pack your shit, I’ll be in the car.”

I leave, wanting to be anywhere but near him. Just the sight of him makes me want to start crumbling into bits and pieces nonstop. I can’t leave him like this. But at the same time, it’s what I feel the need to do. I couldn’t pretend like nothing happened. Clearly he wants to break up with me and if he’s going to continue with actions like this, there’s no point in putting in anymore work.

But his hair. And his beautiful face. His hands that seem as if they’re chiseled by some divine being. His smile that I cherish so dearly. I’ll never get to wake up in the morning with his comfort again, I’ll never get to brush my fingers through the red and white colors of his hair. I’ll never get to hold onto those fingers, or kiss that face ever again. And oh man, it hurts.

“I’ll put my stuff in the back,” he opens the door and notifies me before throwing his things onto the seats behind me.

“I tried hard, I really did,” Kazuha whispers, almost as if he’s trying to convince himself more than me.

“Be quiet and let me fucking drive, Kazuha. I don’t care,” I start up the engine and drive away from my home, not bothering to turn on the radio. After a few sniffles and eye-rubbing from Kazuha, everything goes completely silent.

I peek over to the right to check on him, seeing him calm and asleep. If only I could look that calm right now. The sound of his slow breathing makes me more peaceful, but I realize quickly that I have to take a hand off the wheel to wipe a tear that ran down my face.

I see Heizou’s apartment building not very far away, nudging Kazuha for a second to wake him up as I pull into the parking lot.

“Wake up, Zuha. Please. We’re here.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, out you go.”

“Right… I guess I’ll be seeing you– Or not. My bad," Kazuha gets out and takes his things from the back seats and walks away into the building, disappearing into the distance.

“Guess I’ll be seeing you? What is that? Fuck. He’s rubbing salt into the wound. He knows I still love him,” I turn on the car again and head to the first place that comes into mind. The swings at the park by the cliff. The place where we met.

I don’t think there will be anyone who could fill the crater in my heart in the future. I wasn’t ready for this.

a/n; just writing this hurt so bad idk why i thought that was a good decision but i hope u guys like it... i will prob proof read it later

[soulmates-for-real]

Randomly re-watching S7 and stopped at this moment from The Mentalists.

Dean's speechless shock and disbelief that bitchy baby brother wouldn't share the details of his 10 days spent away from Dean!

[do-you-beleaf-in-miracles]

ok so now that i’m done with my 3 month long soul sucking project from work what if i write a fic where mitch gets traded to the washington capitals for funsies

[shoutaswhore]

TV - Shouta x gn!reader

contains: angst, a breakup (not with shouta), fwb type relationship (w/ shouta), mentions of heartbreak, mentions of virginity loss (shouta took readers v card), crying lots of crying, nicotine, vaping, old relationships.

wc: 1.8k

a/n: this is a totally self indulgent (would it be indulgent if its a sad thing?) piece. it's based off the song, TV by billie eilish.

You had gotten the message while at work. You couldn't even listen to the thoughts in your head that were telling you to keep yourself professional, you have to pretend it's not happening.

But it was impossible. You kept staring at the text the guy you had thought was your forever had texted you.

"I don't want to have to do it like this" it said. Then why are you doing it? You thought, over and over, those words spiraled through your mind.

"The door isn't closed." He kept saying, he promised that there would be a chance for a future.

Those words that were sent, saying that you were the cause of a horrible mental state, that he couldn't put himself through it anymore.

It broke you every single time you read it. Every word caused your heart to crack ever so slightly more than before. Until it was just a pile of dust in your chest.

You were unable to keep it together, you had to leave. Go anywhere but where you were. But you were stuck, stuck in this place where you had nothing to comfort you over this heartbreak.

-----

You got back to your dorm. Trying to stay away from anything that would even partly remind you of him. But it was impossible, your dorm room is filled with memories from the 9 months you spent together.

You look down at your bed and sigh, already feeling the tears forming in your eyes as you see the blanket he had gotten you for your 6th anniversary. And the matching plushies you have with him.

Even the small trinkets on your shelf, the things you had pinned on your wall and cork board. He is everywhere. You are unable to run from the past. Stuck in a cycle of looking anywhere and finding him and the memories of what was your everything.

Broken. You feel broken as you wake up the next morning. It doesn't feel real, was it a dream? You check your phone and then it all comes flooding back, your eyes are filled with tears. Unable to even read the words in front of you anymore.

The tears fell onto your phone, you were so out of it that you don't even remember dialing the number, you called him, over and over. Trying to get closure. But nothing came of it. He never once answered.

You try and keep your sobs quiet, running to the bathroom of your dorm room just so you can have some semblance of peace.

Turning the shower on so it would drown out your screams and sobs. You were always considerate of your roommates. But in this moment you couldn't think of anything else but the absolute devastation that was in your chest.

It's the worst pain you have ever felt, you think to yourself. How is this even possible. How could you let what was meant to be your forever break? All these questions kept going through your head. You know it was your fault. You won't deny it. Because it was your fault. And you have to be honest as to why you lost the person you thought was your forever and evermore.

You couldn't eat, how could you when he was mad at you? So you slept. day and night, as much as you could just so you wouldn't feel the heartbreak and overwhelming sadness.

------

It has been a few days since you got the message. It is still fresh, and every morning you wake up and see your phone its just cutting into the almost healed wound you have.

So you call someone. Someone you never thought you would talk to again. It's ringing, a few times more than you would like in your situation. But then he answers.

"I really don't want to talk right now, Shouta.." You speak softly into the phone, hoping he isn't able to hear the shakiness in your voice.

You had just been crying, hard. You had the TV on in the background, Survivor was playing. You had said to yourself that you had put it on because you liked the show, but you knew that wasn't true.

You watched it in this moment not because you liked it, no, you were watching it because you got to see other people suffering. Just like you were in this moment.

You didn't know who else to call. It was either stay alone in this broken state and unable to help yourself, or call your "Ex-Boyfriend."

He had never liked labels. Not even when he had you. So you were just his person, nothing more, nothing less. But you were fine with that. You didn't give two shits back then as long as you were waking up next to Shouta.

So you called him. Against your better judgement, you called the person who was always so cold towards you. He had never been able to explain his feelings to you, even after 5 years of being off and on. It was torture for you.

"Okay, kitten. That's okay." His soothing voice spoke through the phone. Your body was already filled to the brim with all these emotions, and him calling you that pet name that you haven't heard in so long made the dam break.

You are sobbing into the phone, begging him to come get you, telling him that you are so broken, that you fucked up. Because all of those things are true.

He is trying to calm you down over the phone but quickly realizes it's no use. He sighs and agrees to come get you.

You pack a bag quickly, unsure of what you need or don't need. Absolutely nothing feels real still. You are still hoping to wake up and see a message from him saying that he wants to try again.

And the words come flooding back, "Horrible mental state", "I don't want to have to do it like this", " The door is open for the future", "It was never enough" all these things came back like an explosion.

It was enough to bring you to your knees, you are on the floor sobbing, completely forgetting about the packing you had been doing a second earlier.

You are clutching your chest, right where your heart is. It feels like it's going to explode, you think, "This is it. This is how I die." because that is how bad this pain is.

Your don't know how long you have been on the floor, sobbing, screaming, clutching your broken heart. But you know it has been long enough for your throat to be raw and your sobs to be silent.

Your makeup is ruined, so much for your eyeliner being breakup proof, you joke. Saying you'll sue the company for false advertising. You try and poke fun at the situation, but it only makes you cry again.

You decide you should check your phone for a text from shouta. And sure enough, he says he's there. So you are grabbing your thing, earbuds, bag, phone.

Then you are off to try and get some semblance of comfort from the man who never showed you any sort of emotions. The only time he showed any sort of care towards you was when he was fucking you.

You get into his car, cursing yourself for letting yourself get back into his claws. But you don't even care right now. You just want to forget about how much pain you are in.

-----

His hands are on the wheel as he drives, he offers you a hit of his vape. And without hesitation you take it. You are way too stressed to say no to some nicotine.

The moment it hits your lungs you feel calmer, even with the tears in your waterline.

"He would have never let me vape..." You say in a hushed tone, "At least not if it had nicotine in it."

Shouta nods at your words, he doesn't know how to deal with your emotions, he never has. So you settle for him just listening and being there.

"Thank you.." You hand him back the vape, and he shakes his head.

"You need it more than I do right now, Sweet cheeks." He knows what he is doing with the names, but you don't stop him. You don't know if you want anything to happen, you aren't sure if anything is going to happen.

But what you sre sure of is, you have always come back to Shouta. He is the one who took your virginity, the one who showed you what sex was. He was your first for almost everything.

It's almost like he had trained you to always come back to him. Like a little puppy. You shooed that thought from your head quickly. Not wanting to think about the last time you two were together.

But your brain forces you to remember it. It all plays in your head, the night he said "nothing would happen" and you believed him. You had gotten into a fight with your boyfriend and needed someone to vent to.

You don't know why you went to him first, it's just always been your first reaction. To call Shouta when you need someone to comfort you.

—-----

The next thing you know you are waking up in Shouta's car. Apparently you had dozed off while he was driving. You still had the vape clutched in your hand, offering back to him with a sorry look.

"Thanks" He says in his usual tone, uncaring, unwavering. Just like he always has been. "What happened this time?" He prods at my still open wound.

"Shouta. I said I didn't want to talk about it." I'm stern, I really don't want to talk about it. Because then I'll start crying in front of him, and he never has known how to deal with me crying.

"Look, Y/N. I know you and I have our differences. And I know I've fucked up in the past." Finally he admits it. But that one sentence is never going to be enough for what he has done to you.

"And I know you have no right to forgive me. I can't even forgive myself for what I did to you. I wish I could take it back. I honest to god do, Y/N." He's lying, you think to yourself. He has to be. He just wants me for himself again.

But your heart doesn't know any better, your heart is broken and yearning for someone to pick up the pieces and to glue them back together. Because you know you can't do it all by yourself.

So you give in. Your brain is screaming at you to leave, to do anything but stay with the man who broke my heart over and over again.

You think to yourself, "I can pretend, just for the night. that this is real." And you do. You let him back in to put you back together.

Thank you so much for reading, if you liked it please reblog it and like!

[augustinewrites]

cw: it’s just angst

“i’m not mad.”

satoru closes and locks the front door, trailing after you into the kitchen, apprehension rising in the space kept between you. “really? because you seem kind of mad…”

“it’s fine, gojo.” you snap. “i’m fine.”

he watches you, quiet as the two of you go about your evening routine. leftovers from meals brought to the infirmary stowed away. week-old laundry tossed into the basket. you don’t say a word to him, emotions you don’t know how to make sense of still simmering.

“i’m sorry,” he says plainly as you’re both putting away the dishes. 

you wipe your hands on the tea towel, glancing over at him. “do you even know what you’re apologizing for?”

he shifts, unsure. “no…”

“of course you don’t,” you sigh. 

“then tell me,” he insists, exasperated. “i don’t want to fight.” 

“i don’t want to either,” you snap. “but you’re doing it again.” 

“doing what?”

“you just spent a week in the infirmary. you were hurt.”

“c’mon,” he laughs weakly. “there was no real chance of me dying.” 

“that’s not the—” you voice rises, then immediately quiets when you realize the kids are asleep. “that’s not the point. you’re losing yourself in it again. soon you’re going to drift away from us— from me,” you tell him, bleeding into the pain you’ve felt the last few days. “like you did when we were in school.”

because for as long as you’d known gojo, his drive was to constantly do more. be more. the period of time after the failure that was the star plasma vessel mission was the first time you’d witnessed it. gojo satoru doesn’t do anything halfway. he won’t permit himself to.

that’s what really scares you. he doesn’t know when to stop.

“i’m sorry that i worried you,” he apologizes, sincerity etched into his expression. you know him, know that he’s scared to say the wrong thing, that he’ll mess this up or somehow make it worse. “i had to. the higher ups—”

“satoru,” you interrupt, walls crumbling right in front of him. “i’ve always liked that you care about the jujutsu world. i just don’t want you to only care about it. not with where we are in our lives right now.”

“i don’t—”

“you do! you always have, and i get it. i know the world needs you…but things are getting worse, and we need to start thinking about the future—”

“everything i’m doing is for the future. for the future generation of sorcerers all over the world—”

“i don’t care about the world! i just care about you, and that’s the problem. one person always cares more in a relationship and that’s always been me.” 

“that’s not true,” he insists, a desperate edge in his voice. “all i’ve ever wanted is you. all i’ve never needed is you—”

“i need you too! maybe that sounds selfish or needy, but i don’t want there to be a day where i have to tell the kids that you’re not coming home. if you can’t understand that—”

he doesn’t think you realize you’re crying, frustrated tears gathering in your eyes and threatening to spill over. satoru reaches for you out of instinct, your argument the furthest thing from both your minds at this moment. you let him pull you into his arms, let him hold you. 

but you’re exhausted. 

this is fight you’ve been having since the moment you’d met him, and you don’t think he’ll understand the impact of it until you walk away.

“if you don’t understand that,” you continue softly, “then maybe we need to take a break.”

_____

outside the apartment door, nanami and shoko sit side by side, sharing a bottle of "welcome home" wine.

"guess they forgot we were coming over," the doctor mutters, pressing her ear against the door to see if jujutsu tech's favourite couple was still fighting. “it’s way too quiet in there. you think she killed him?”

nanami sighs, loosening his tie. “it’s quite possible.” 

“i’ll be the alibi and you’ll get rid of the body?”

“of course.”

[euthymiaaa]

— longing for someone prompts ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

im bathing in angst rn, enjoy!

them haunting your mind constantly, but are you even in theirs?

unconciously searching for them wherever, whenever

itching to text them, yet the guilt of pestering them hits

your stomach being on edge whenever you see someone who has a similar figure to theirs

regularly scouring their social media for any updates

them acting so sweetly which turns out to just be a cruel dream

envy creeping up your throat whenever other people hangout with them

taking them off your mind by hanging out with your friends, just for you to only see bits of their personality in your friends

weeping frustruatedly on your knees because you can't stop recalling your memories with them

surrendering to your insecurities; perhaps they truly are better off without you

hopelessly persuading yourself that you were able to go on with life before knowing them, so you can definitely do it after they left

urging the universe to see them one last time before letting them go (it never happens anyways)

"if anyone is listening, please let our paths intertwine again before the day I take my last breath"

[primofate]

Genshin Angst Headcanons - Why the two of you broke up

Note: Had an unexpected free day! I haven't written in a while, please excuse the mistakes, if any.

Disclaimer at the end of the post

Warning: Some are pretty predictable. Each of them have their own issues, lore wise, so some are lore heavy. You might not agree with some of them, but its how I see it, so to each their own. Let me know what you think! Some are quite angsty. Some scenes it's you breaking up with him and some are vice versa. Didn't feel like writing Razor, Venti and Xingqiu.

Characters: Aether, Albedo, Alhaitham, Ayato, Baizhu, Bennett, Chongyun, Cyno, Dainsleif, Diluc, Gorou, Heizou, Itto, Kaeya, Kaveh, Kazuha, Lyney, Neuvillette, Scaramouche, Tartaglia, Thoma, Tighnari, Xiao, Zhongli, gn!reader

Personal Favourites in this work: Lyney, Itto, Kazuha

Aether

Sister issues. Enough said.

He realized he didn't have enough time to spare romancing with someone.

Somewhere along the way he felt guilt that he was enjoying his time with you while his sister went through some sort of villain origin story that seemingly turned her bad.

Top off all the adventuring, searching, solving problems for other people that he did...Where did that leave you, exactly?

"...I'm sorry, Y/N... I just... I don't think this is the right time for me to be together with you,"

Albedo

Contrary to popular belief it wouldn't be his lack of time or extreme focus on his alchemical experiments that would break the two of you up. He knows how to manage his time.

It was the RESULTS of experiments and his research that would put him away from you.

The possibility that HE or his world, was way too dangerous for you.

How many "Albedos" did Rhinedottir really create? Was there more than three? Perhaps four, five? And what happens when you come face to face with another Albedo?

"I'm afraid...There are far too many dangers surrounding myself... There are answers that I can't find...and perhaps that's the reason why my answer is to part ways with you,"

Alhaitham

Too much of a nonchalant attitude.

He expressed some kind of interest in you...but it's like... once in a blue moon. 95% of the time you're not sure if he's really into you. It almost seems like he's more into that book he reads all the time.

Simply just not good at expressing himself. Like, at all. Hides behind a "whatever works" and "I don't care about what other people think of me" attitude, unfortunately that seems to include you.

Is so straightforward that sometimes it hurts, but he's really just telling the truth through logical analysis.

will act like the breakup didn't hurt nor affect him at all. In turn it hurts you instead.

"I see. So you've had enough of me... And you only spoke up now? Pointing it out earlier could've diverted us from this path...If that's how you feel already I suggest that we stop seeing each other,"

"That's it? You're not even going to try and work it out with me?"

"What's there to work out? You've made yourself clear. You're not satisfied with the way I treat you, and I'm afraid I'm not going to change the way I act just for your pleasure... It'd be more meaningful for you to find someone who fits your criterias,"

Ayato

entering a relationship with a noble was not as easy as one thought.

It's not just about being together forever and feeling lucky because Ayato is rich and your whole life is set, it's also the not fitting in, the etiquette, the whispers from townfolk that you were too ordinary for him, the work that you needed to do if you were to become his wife.

All that was not really a big problem for you, but Ayato seemed not to know of your struggles, he was extremely busy, and when he wasn't, he seemed to think that everything was well and fine, since you were getting all your basic needs met and even more.

"...So I'm sorry, Ayato. This is just... All too much for me. I'm sorry,"

"...I understand. Forgive me, it seems that I've overlooked a lot of things...Perhaps it is as you say, that it'd be better for us to grow apart rather than grow together,"

Baizhu

because he is a ticking time bomb, no matter which way he looked it's not going to end well for both of you.

He either dies early or lives forever. In both scenarios he anticipates that the two of you are just going to be in a world of hurt.

Besides, he didn't mean to get so attached to someone in the first place, he knew his quest for immortality was long and arduous. You didn't deserve to walk that difficult road too.

While breaking up, will conceal the fact that he's only thinking of you and will possibly hurt you in the process.

"I'm sorry, but it's for the best. I ask that you continue going forward without me, there's no space for you in my... ideal future,"

Bennett

We all know it...it's his bad luck. However, it wasn't YOU who had a problem with it, it was HIM.

You understood that his bad luck was just some extended part of him, plus it's not like it was always bad, there were a lot of good times too. Plenty!

But the guilt ate him up whenever the two of you were stuck in a seemingly impossible scenario and predicament, brought on by his luck. He just had enough of it one day.

"I...I can't keep doing this to you every day! It's not fair..."

will be on the brink of tears before he even starts.

"Maybe it's better if you find someone else to adventure with, Y/N, sorry...!"

runs away before you can even get a word in.

Chongyun

Thinks he's not good enough in every aspect. It's really, seriously not about you. He thinks he's lacking in everything. Strength, maturity, experience, confidence.

So badly wants to stay with you but feels like he's not good enough and thinks that you're better off with someone else.

"D-Don't misunderstand... It's not because I don't like you anymore... I just...Please find someone else!"

Cyno

his bad jokes and TCG addiction. just kidding, you're not that shallow.

A lot of people are intimidated by him being the General Mahamatra because he gives importance to justice. While you, who had seen a bit more of him than other people had, it seemed more of an obsession to uphold the Akademiya's law and integrity.

This was not a big problem to you, you liked how he was serious at work.

Until one day when you were accused of plagiarising one of your papers and Cyno was the one sent to give you a first offense warning. The Akademiya knew of your relationship, that's probably why they sent him, to make it harder on the two of you.

Cyno didn't listen to your explanations on how it was an honest mistake, he still gave you the warning that you "deserved"

From then on it had just been different between the two of you, so it was really a mutual breakup. Or so you thought.

"...After that, I just realized that maybe this isn't the right time for us... We're both working for the Akademiya, we both take our jobs seriously...Unfortunately that seems to just be getting in the way of us...I think it's best if we stop seeing each other,"

"...I see." he pauses for a minute, as if tossing your words in his mind. "I...agree. Parting ways would certainly make work easier for both of us...it's the professional thing to do,"

Dainsleif

Has not moved on from his past.

Sure, everyone has their own baggage to carry, their own history to live through...but Dainsleif has heavier things than that. He seemed to wake up every day thinking of Khaenri'ah and the days long past. Was it regret? Nostalgia? Loneliness? You didn't know. You just knew that he wasn't really completely THERE with you in the present. Part of him still lived in the past.

When you explained that you felt like the two of you were not moving forward together and that it seemed like he wanted to go back to the past instead, he got offended.

"...My past is something that I carry forever, you'd claimed that you understood that," he starts.

"I do! But carrying it with you and letting it drag you backwards are two different things!"

He falters for a moment, only to leave you with his last words before turning away from you forever: "You will never understand, the weight that I carry,"

Diluc

is too guarded. You'd been friends for a long, long, long, long time before he decided he could let you in enough and be more intimate with you.

Even then everything was going at a snail's pace, though you were extremely patient with him.

The biggest problem with Diluc was that the two of you would progress one day, take a step forward, and then the next day it was like the two of you took two steps back.

Example: The two of you went out for a simple stargazing excursion late one night, it was nice and he had been incredibly affectionate. The next day he had trouble even meeting your gaze, and disappeared to do his work. It was also a little awkward during dinnertime. This scenario had happened more than once.

Hint: the closer he got to you the more afraid he became, thinking that he would one day lose you too.

"I...I can't. I love you but I...I've waited far too long. I'm sorry. I'm tired of this endless chase for you!"

He couldn't even say a thing. He'd wanted to ask you to stay, to wait for him a little longer, but he already knew how incredibly selfish that would have been. Instead, he grimaced, and looked away from your gaze, trying to find something worthwhile to say. There was only silence for a few moments.

"Goodbye Diluc," that's when you turned away.

Gorou

worships Kokomi too much and your insecurities just kept circling around in your head.

You know its his job. You know he isn't like that but the problem was YOU and not him.

Simply said you let your insecurity eat up the relationship between the two of you.

You couldn't bring yourself to say that you were jealous of the way he admired Kokomi so you broke up with him with another reason in tow.

Unfortunately, you're not a very good liar face to face so you did a butthole move and actually broke up with him through a letter. You just couldn't face him and tell him why.

All you mentioned in the letter was that you needed time to think and be away from him, and told him not to worry because it was your problem, not his.

Poor Gorou reread that letter over and over, trying to understand what went wrong.

Heizou

is just a natural flirt. You're not sure if he's doing it on purpose or not and you're not sure if he's even aware he's like that.

Anyway you'd seen him getting overly friendly (just another word for flirting) with a few other people a couple of times. You didn't let it get to you the first, fourth or even eighth time but you realized that he KNOWS that you're watching him do that.

So you confront him about it, but he claims that it's just his way of gathering information from others. People like to hear good things and some people are more susceptible to flirtatious comments so he resorts to that for his investigation sometimes.

You didn't really completely buy it and even if you did, it's not like this was healthy for your relationship. You just couldn't make yourself comfortable with it.

*You just chalked it up to the two of you being incompatible.

"I'm just not comfortable with that...I don't think I have to say sorry for how I feel but...I'm sorry anyway because I know you're just doing your job... It's probably best if we part ways here..."

"Is there any way to change your mind?" he genuinely asks.

You only give a lopsided smile. "You're a detective, I think you already know the answer to that,"

Yet he didn't stop you from walking away.

Itto

Kept breaking promises because he was too airheaded or too occupied doing something "stupid" with the kids or with his gang.

Pretty soon it just felt like you were an afterthought while everyone else in his life took precedent.

Got a ramen date? Oops, sorry! Got caught up looking for a strong onikabuto in the forest!

Needed his help to move some things? Gah, he was vandalising the bulletin boards, so he's running a bit late!

What's more you didn't actually mind that carefree, airheaded side of him...but it really got to you when he couldn't even seem to make you a priority. Not once.

He only realized that when he came running, late again, and stood face to face with a crying you.

"Hey sorry Y/N, I was just--...Why are you crying?!" is completely dumbfounded and clueless, mostly because when he came late, you had always shrugged it off with a smile on your face, or so he thought. This time you had a completely different reaction.

"I hate you...*hic* I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"

Shocked beyond belief. It wasn't like you to just blow up like that, but he couldn't do anything except watch you turn and run away from him after that exclamation.

Kaeya

Sometimes you're not sure if he takes you seriously.

Recently, he's not where he says he is, you don't know why he doesn't just tell you where he is.

He said he'd be working late, but then you find out he's at Angel's Share.

He said he'll be at Angel's Share, but then you catch word from Jean that he's out on a late mission.

He said he's escorting a caravan to Mondstadt but he's actually on assignment in Liyue.

It came to the point where you altogether just stopped looking for him cause half of the time you couldn't find him. It's like he's avoiding you or something, which, actually, seems just about right since he's been so busy with "work"

It reached a breaking point when, for a week, you were unable to bring him the lunch you prepared...because he was not where he said he was going to be. It was starting to get annoying.

"I don't understand why you're lying to me! Why do you have to tell me you'll be at Angel's Share this afternoon when you're not? Do you realize you make me walk all the way there only to come all the way back with nothing achieved?"

"I'm sorry snowflake, that wasn't my intention," though he still chuckles despite knowing full well that you were about to turn away.

"You know what, let me know when you're ready to stop making jokes. Until then, don't bother contacting me,"

He just didn't expect you to actually walk away from him.

Kaveh

Entertains everyone and anyone. Naturally kind at heart, will stop for anyone in trouble...even that flirtatious man/woman who is clearly just pining for his attention.

No he doesn't quite realize this.

The same person had asked for his help at least 4 times now and all 4 times he had been happy to offer a helping hand.

The last straw was when he was invited into the stranger's house, they had apparently needed someone to help them move and re-arrange furniture and he did, working till almost dinner time.

You'd caught him right by the person's door, because Kaveh was actually honest and told you he'd be helping them today, but the person was clearly eyeing Kaveh rather flirtatiously.

"Come again next time," you heard the person say rather happily. Kaveh only replies with "If I have nothing else to do, I suppose,"

"Kaveh, they're coming onto you and you keep letting it happen!"

"I'm not certain what you're talking about...They just needed some help around their house, nothing suspicious happened at all. Even if there was, I won't let anything happen between me and a stranger!"

"Then STOP helping them!"

"There isn't anything wrong with lending a hand...It was a quick move of things, that's all,"

"How would YOU feel if I just went into someone's house and kept helping them "move" things?"

"...I would think that's nice of you,"

You actually threw your hands up. "Oh, forget it! You know what, for someone who LOVES helping others, you're not doing such a great job of helping ME," then walked away and never came back. "Good riddance,"

Kazuha

He's a wandering samurai. You knew what you were getting into but you didn't expect dating him to be so hard.

He was gone for weeks on end, and you were not getting on that boat with him. In essence the two of you were just not ready to follow each other to the end's of the Earth, and that was fair. The two of you were young.

Kazuha kind of saw it coming, whenever he visited you, you seemed less spirited and he had an inkling as to why. The time apart was just too much for you.

It was a rather clean break actually. A real mutual breakup that the two of you agreed on.

"...You could say it's just not the right time for us," you even managed to laugh under your breath and he did the same, though it was barely audible.

"...Mm. There are matters that you need to attend to here...and there are things that I need to do out there," he slowly stood up from his sitting position next to you and still gazed at you rather lovingly. "...Perhaps, in another world, you and I are bound together,"

You gazed back forlornly, "...Just not in this one, it looks like,"

Lyney

because he will always choose his siblings over you. Always.

Though that's not a bad thing because you also think that family is important...somewhere along the way you realized that family is the ONLY thing he had and saw.

Example: Lynette and you had gotten ill at the same time one winter morning. Perhaps it was the cold that was passing around Fontaine. Lyney had been so worried about Lynette, that he seemed to have forgotten about you for the next few days. In fact, Lyney didn't even realize that you caught the cold too. You had only heard from Freminet, who you happened to cross paths with, that Lynette was also ill.

You thought that incident was the end of it, but really it seemed that whenever Lyney wanted to hang out with you, Lynette had to be there too. You tried to understand...after all there's still that mystery of disappearing women in Fontaine.

The breakup was induced when Lyney completely forgot about your birthday, because Freminet's was around the same time as yours. You helped Lyney prepare everything for Freminet, and said nothing about your own.

You realized that there was nothing wrong with choosing family over everything else...but the problem here was that Lyney didn't even have space for you in the first place.

So you left without saying anything. You figured he'd get over it quick. You had even gone so far as to move away from the main city of Fontaine and out into another island, because what would you say if he found you? That you were jealous of his siblings? You weren't going to ruin a family like that and it wasn't right to make him choose...so you just left without a word.

Neuvillette

Had a whole brainrot for this man:

Part 1

Part 2

Scaramouche

surprisingly it's not his anger issues.

It's the way he wouldn't acknowledge your relationship. You wonder how you even got into one with him.

There's no public show of affection, but even behind closed doors it rarely happened.

You knew that he was going to be like that, and so you didn't mind it all that much.

It was getting a bit much though when, out in public, he would walk further in front of you and refused to walk next to you. When he pretended like he didn't even know you. When he didn't stop to help you even when another man had shown interest in you, bordering on uncomfortable.

The more time passed the more you simply felt unloved...but for some reason you still blamed yourself.

"...I...don't know. Maybe you find me undesirable, or just...unappealing. Maybe you're embarrassed of me or...or..." maybe you just didn't care in the first place, you thought to yourself.

There was a long silence. Of you turning your gaze away, of him still piercing into yours. And then...

"Tsk...don't waste my time...Leave if you want to leave, door's open,"

Tartaglia

This one is simple. It's his obsession for fighting plus his complete disregard for himself. It's a constant heart attack for you. At some point the anxiety is just too much for you to handle.

Imagine living every day just wondering if he's safe at the same time knowing that he just loves to look for trouble.

The foul legacy that you know of, he uses it with disregard as well, despite knowing that it wasn't good for him.

And there are even days where you know he was heavily wounded but didn't go to you, in an attempt to shield you from worry.

It's a constant battle trying to stay sane and unworried, until one day it all just becomes too much.

"...Nothing I say will change anything, Tartaglia. This is who you are...This is who you need to be..." you whisper while bandaging his knuckles. He lets out a short hum.

It was silent all up until you finished with his hand, you squeeze it gently. "...I love you but...I can't keep doing this to myself, I'm tired...more so than I have ever been before,"

He lets your hand slip away from his knuckles, and that was the last he saw of you.

Thoma

This one is also simple. He was always taking care of others and running errands for others that he sometimes just couldn't catch a break.

Just a classic case of not enough time for you since he had a job to do for the Kamisato Clan.

He knows it, and feels awful about it. So he's the one who makes the move.

"It hurts that I can't give you what you deserve, Y/N. This isn't it... You deserve more than this but I can't give you that and I'm sorry. Please look for the love that you deserve,"

Tighnari

Remembers everything. Can be critical of things you've done, specially if he thinks there's a better way to do it.

Simply said you just feel stupid in front of him sometimes.

He doesn't mean to, but he sometimes forgets to appreciate or give praise to the things that you do well and even if he does, it tends to be short lived compared to his constructive criticisms.

Pretty soon you felt like he only looks at the bad things you do, and never the good. Though he was really only trying to teach and guide you as an equal.

He in fact feels that you are one of the few people who can keep up educational conversations with him.

The problem is he kind of forgets that you're his lover, and that you would enjoy his praise and affection from time to time.

"Do you... Do you ever have anything nice to say other than 'good work' or 'great observation'?" the words were out of your mouth before you could hold yourself back. Sometimes it was tiring to feel like you weren't good enough.

There's a flash of surprise that crosses Tighnari's expression for a split second, before he recovers. "...Had I not been praising your work enough lately? My apologies... It has a lot of merits, I just thought that you wanted my opinion on how to make it better,"

You opened your mouth to say something, but closed it again right after to ponder on his words. Somehow even that had managed to make you feel embarrassed. It was here you knew that the problem also lied within yourself.

"...Sorry, Tighnari...I think I'll need some time alone,"

He obliges quickly and asks. "That's reasonable. When would you like me to come back?"

"...Let me rephrase that... I need some time away. From us."

Xiao

Unfortunately there's a lot of things wrong here... his lack of affection. His aloof personality. His dedication to his yaksha duties. Despite that he does actually try to be gentlemanly or respectful of you.

The worst of it is that he didn't know how to be in a relationship, in other words he just wasn't ready for one, or perhaps he would never be ready for one.

He didn't understand that humans craved companionship and sometimes touch. He didn't understand that meant having to favour you over others, sometimes even putting you first over his yaksha duties.

Worst of it all was when he shut himself off from you, sometimes for days on end, when his karmic debt was too high. He only really did it to protect you, but never realized how isolated that made you feel.

When you confronted him about it, he felt attacked. Hiding away was the only way he knew how to cope...why couldn't you understand that?

"Let me help you, Xiao,"

"I don't need your help!" his tone would make you wince and just like that he disappears into a billow of smoke.

You never returned to Wangshu Inn after that. If he couldn't let you in, there was no use trying to knock on his heart. Xiao being Xiao, never sought you ought again either.

Zhongli

He had experienced so many things and you had listened to many a tales from him.

This is what caused you to realize that you hadn't even experienced life at all, and yet here you were willing to tie yourself down to him.

It just didn't feel like it added up. Here he was with all this knowledge of the world and here you were who had never even stepped outside of Liyue. By no means were you stupid, but you felt that you could be better not only for him, but for yourself if you learned more.

There was just such a huge gap in life experiences, and though you never expected to get to his level (he was a God who had lived for a long time, you would never catch up to him) you at least wanted to see what was out there with your own eyes instead of through his stories.

He understood that wholeheartedly, and had no qualms in letting you go.

"You will always have a place with me, Y/N. No amount of lifetimes will change that,"

I’ve published The Ruthless Prince (Reader x Scaramouche) on paperback. Click here.

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Disclaimer: Relationships will always have some sort of problem along the way, maybe big, maybe small but I just want to reiterate that breaking up is not always the solution. Communicating is very important. So to those of you who like taking fanfiction too seriously, let it be known that this is just a work of fiction. I don't actually suggest breaking up with someone as soon as there is the slight indication of a problem (Just saw someone commenting on a similar themed post for Haikyuu that this wouldn't happen in the real world if both parties were mature... I mean, sure, but, idk, you must be fun in parties... it's called fiction for a reason...)

[arctvros]

in a better life, it’s just another christmas eve with your one and only

[skiller0dani]

The Noble House of Gaunt | Part 2

M A S T E R L I S T Other Masterlist Harry Potter Masterlist

angst | slytherin!reader requests info w.c | 3.1k summary | Sebastian is determined to make Ominis see reason, even if it means doing something Ominis told him specifically not to do.

Genuine question, I've been seeing some Sebastian smut on Tumblr but haven't seen any for Ominis. If I dabbled in smut for Ominis, is this something that would make people uncomfortable? I threw in a tiny bit of spice into this one, just to see how it's received.

Part 1 | Part 3 | Blurb

You were determined to make it through the entire day without falling apart. It had been nearly a month since Ominis broke up with you, and while you weren't trying to keep track it was hard to forget the day your heart was ripped out. Thankfully you hadn't seen Ominis with any other girls, you don't think your heart could bear the sight. You've also seen Sebastian trailing after Ominis the last few weeks, you hope they've made up. The thought of Sebastian being all alone hurts your heart, but worse than that imagining Ominis on his own made your chest tighten. You know you shouldn't care how he's feeling after what he did, but you do. You can't help it, you love him.

Truthfully, the last few weeks have felt odd. You swore you caught someone eyeing you from afar multiple times, and there were moments in class where the hairs on the back of your neck rose- as if someone was watching you. You felt like you were slowly getting paranoid, perhaps being hunted by Ranrok and Rookwood for the entirety of 5th Year had some lasting effects.

You tried not to think about Ominis, but he was starting to worry you. He's spent most of the last month stalking around the halls looking like a ticking time bomb, his jaw clenched and a rather unfriendly expression on his face. Most of the school knew you two had broken up, being the Hero of Hogwarts unfortunately more people than you were comfortable with knew your business. People avoided Ominis in the corridors more than they usually did, turning and scurrying away at the sight of him. He'd been far more snappy than usual, especially with poor Sebastian who seemed to be receiving the brunt of Ominis's anger. Yet he continued to trail after Ominis everywhere he went, you wondered why.

Nighttime was the worst, when you would close your eyes and drift off into a dream you didn't want to wake up from. Dreams of Ominis plagued you. You'd dream of you two lying in a meadow somewhere, book in your hand as you read to him like you used to. He'd eventually push the book out of your hands, slowly lowering his lips onto yours. You'd feel the heat of his body, the feel of his hands running down your side. He'd press his forehead against yours when he needed to part for air, and the second you'd taken a few deep breathes you would pull him in to kiss you again. Life felt perfect, the beautiful flowers, the warm summer breeze.

Then you'd wake up, and be in your bed in the dungeons. It was pure agony.

However, being awake was almost worse. At least in a dream you could allow yourself to get lost in the fantasy for a while. Trick your subconscious into believing the dream was real, that everything else was just a nightmare. Life felt like a nightmare, you wished you knew when this pain would end. Or at least get easier, but each second feels harder than the last. You can't believe he did this to you, and you want to be angry so bad but you miss him so much. You long desperately for him, and it outweighs any anger you may harbor towards him. You're silently crying out for him, he's the only one for you.

You wondered if he missed you, if he regret what happened...or if he just regret even being with you. He was so damn good at masking his emotions it was almost maddening trying to figure him out. He always looked indifferent, or irritated. Most of the times you'd caught him looking irritated, Sebastian was somewhere nearby. You wondered if Sebastian took Ominis's anger without complaint to punish himself, his own way of making amends. You know Ominis still cares for Sebastian, he wouldn't be so cross with him if he didn't. You hoped he still cared for you like you cared for him.

You feel pathetic, Ominis ripped your heart out and yet here you are yearning for him like a lovesick school girl. You've thought about talking to him, trying to mend your relationship to the point of friendship at least. But he's completely shutting you out, won't go anywhere near you and somehow he always knows you're in the room even though he can't see. You cannot possibly fathom what you did to make him hate you so much, you just wanted him back.

Ominis had just about had enough with Sebastian's incessant nagging. Ominis had believed he made it clear to Sebastian that he didn't care for his company and yet Sebastian would not leave him alone. He mostly talked about you, bugged Ominis to tell you the truth. To apologize, to fix your relationship. Sebastian doesn't understand, for your safety Ominis can't fix your relationship, he must leave it broken. He thought of you often, all day every day in fact. Thought of the sound of your laugh, his favorite sound in the whole world. Thought of your surprised gasp when he whispered something far too inappropriate to say out loud. He wished he could see your face flush, but hearing you shift and wriggle in your chair was enough to satisfy him.

"Ominis you can't continue like this. You're being cruel, surely your family will give up on this eventually-"

"You underestimate their hatred for Muggleborns."

"No I'm pretty sure I don't, I think you underestimate our ability to keep her safe." Sebastian stated firmly.

"We're two 16 year old's, how on Earth could we keep her safe?" Ominis fired back.

"Y/N and I literally took down a troll last year, multiple times! Not to mention the fact that she singlehandedly faced Ranrok and prevailed..." Sebastian trailed off, watching Ominis's expression shift from annoyed to irritated.

"Not to mention, her and Natty dismantled Harlow's empire by themselves."

"Sebastian-"

"And her and Poppy saved a dragon from an undercover dragon fighting ring filled with poachers who were actively hunting them."

"Sebastian enough!" Ominis snapped, his voice raising. His family is far more viscous than any one of those people. They would make it personal, torture her slowly. They'd humiliate her while they did it, and Ominis didn't even want to consider what Marvolo's idea of 'playing' was. The thought made a red haze of anger surround him, he quickly shook the thought away. No, this was safer.

"I am never going to tell her the truth, and neither will you. I love her, don't you understand that? What would you do for the woman you love? I will give up having a future with her to ensure that she even gets a future at all." Ominis said firmly, his tone unwavering. Sebastian watches dejectedly as Ominis walks away and he knows that Ominis is never going to change his mind. He could never convince Ominis of anything anyway, the only person who ever got through to him was you. You're the only reason Sebastian found the Scriptorium at all, and Ominis still hasn't forgiven Sebastian for even suggesting the idea of using the Cruciatus curse on you. Sebastian knew that you would have to cast it on him, or else Ominis would never forgive him for as long as he lives.

Ominis cannot be convinced because he is being driven by love, and it's only love that could change his mind. Sebastian knows what he has to do, but he knows doing so will dash any chance at Ominis ever forgiving him. Sebastian wants you two to be happy, Ominis needs you. So he'll give up any chance of getting his best friend back, if it means he gets to make his best friend happy. He needs to tell you the truth, whether Ominis liked it or not.

Ominis had already endured 3 more visits from his Mother, who cared about this more than his Father and Marvolo did. She was obsessed with the idea of controlling Ominis, of him being her perfect little boy filled with cruelty and hatred like his siblings. He was far too kind for her liking, and she blamed it on you. You softened his heart, crawled in like a disease and poisoned him. For that, she is simply itching at the chance to make you pay. Ominis has barely been able to hold her back, emotionlessly convincing her you're not worth her energy. Y/N is too high risk, he'd tell her. Someone will notice if she goes missing. Luckily his mother seemed to believe him so far but he wasn't sure how long he could keep her away.

He knew she lingered around, and it worried him how easily she could get into the school. If she could get in that easy, she could get to you quite easily. Whenever she wanted. It put Ominis in a constant state of panic. Why did he have to fall in love with you? When is he ever going to learn that as long as he is a Gaunt, he will never truly be free. He wished he was, he so desperately longed for you. For your touch, your warmth, the soft kisses you'd give him in the late hours of the night.

It was well past the hours he should be in bed and yet Ominis sat in the common room, on that couch in front of the fireplace you two spent ample time. He heard your footsteps approaching, and he always knew it was you. You carefully approached him, noticing that for once he isn't practically running to get away from you. Maybe he's beginning to forgive you for whatever it is you did to wrong him. You know he was lying when he said there was another, you would have seen her with him by now. But the person he's spent the most time with was Sebastian.

"Can we talk? Please?" You asked softly, fulling expecting him to harshly turn you away. Much to your surprise he gives you a small nod, sliding over to give you space to sit next to him. You carefully lower yourself on the couch next to him, admiring his side profile shamlessly. He was beautiful in every way, though you noticed dark bags under his eyes. He looked paler than usual as well, nearly sickly.

"You're staring." He quipped, making your cheeks burn as you avert your eyes. Somehow he always knew when you were admiring him, you swear it has something to do with his wand.

"Um, I just wanted to apologize." You whisper, catching him entirely off guard. You want to apologize to him?

"What on Earth for?" Ominis asks incrediously, the fact that you believe you did something wrong is ludicrous.

"I know you aren't seeing anyone else Ominis, and yet you broke up with me. I must have done something wrong, something unforgivable to upset you. So I'm sorry, my love I'm so sorry. Please I can't take this anymore, I need us to be okay-"

"My heart, you didn't do anything wrong." Ominis can't stop himself, hearing your voice thicken with tears has him leaning forward. His hands cup your cheeks, brushing away tears with his thumbs. You were so close he could feel your labored breathing fanning over his face. He shouldn't be doing this, he should not be doing this. But he can't stop. With you he is entirely out of control, and he closes the gap between you with fervor. You sigh contentedly against his lips, the sound making heat simmer in his lower belly. You press yourself against him tighter, your hands landing on his shoulders. You want to slide onto his lap, to rock against him and paw at his robes until they have all been removed. But Ominis pulls away all too soon, running a stressed hand through his hair as he stands.

"My love I wish I could make you understand but I can't. We can't be together, not now...not ever. I'm sorry, this- this can never happen again." Ominis gasps, looking upset with himself. Your chest tightens, you want so badly to know why he's doing this. Something happened the day he broke up with you, something that scared him so bad he pushed you as far as he could.

"Ominis please don't-" but he is already walking away. Already halfway to his dorm room. You feel tears burning your eyes as you collapse onto the couch. You rest your head in your hands, softly crying.

Sebastian was determined to fix this. He had spent most of the previous night holding you while you cried, insisting that Ominis still loves you- that he was doing this because he loves you. He can't stand by as your heart breaks, he can't do nothing and bothering Ominis about it isn't working. So he was heading to the astronomy tower, where you spent quite a bit of time stargazing. He climbed the stairs and sure enough there you were, with Amit's old telescope, gazing up at the sky. Sebastian needed to tell you the truth, because it was obvious Ominis wasn't going to.

"Y/N? There's something I need to tell you." Sebastian says, cutting right to the chase. You turn in surprise, waiting patiently for him to continue.

"I know the real reason Ominis broke up with you." He starts, effectively catching your attention. You lean against the railing, so that's what he's been talking to Ominis about recently.

"Do you remember what I told you last year, about Ominis's family?"

You nod.

"They visited him the day he broke up with you, threatened to torture you if he didn't end it. His Mother has been visiting him this past month, constantly checking to make sure he doesn't get back together with you." Sebastian explained and suddenly it all made sense. Fear also struck you, you're a Muggle. You know what his family does to Muggles and so does Ominis- nobody knows it better than Ominis. That's why he's been pushing you away, why he's been avoiding you, why he said there was another. This whole time he's been protecting you.

"Oh Ominis..." Your voice trails off sadly, you love him so much. More than words could describe. You need to find him, now.

"Where is he?" You ask Sebastian, who has a sly smile making it's way onto his face.

"He might be torturing himself in the library trying to avoid you..." He trails off, fighting off a grin as you rush down the stairs leaving your telescope behind. He'll make sure to grab it for you and give it back later.

You run through the castle, trying to get to the library as fast as you can. You love that idiot and nothing he does will change that. He may stay away to keep you safe but you'd rather die than live an entire lifetime without him. Being without him is worse than death, worse than the Cruciatus curse. You fly down the stairs to the library, noticing it's mostly dark and deserted- save for a flicker of light coming from the top level. Your heart flutters in your chest, Ominis. You immediately make your way up the winding stairs and towards the light, where you see Ominis reading a braille book with a candle lit next to him. Hearing footsteps behind him causes Ominis to stand, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Y/N?" He could tell it was you by the scent of your strawberry shampoo. You barely give Ominis a chance to understand what's going on when you lightly shove him backwards against the bookcase. His bodyweight lands on the small desk built into the bottom of the shelf and you step between his legs, pressing your lips against his suddenly. His hands find your hips, holding them tightly against his. Your lips move languidly against his, moaning softly when you firmly press your body against his. You have been longing for him, your body yearning for him for so long that you feel nearly ravenous.

Ominis's hand slides around your back as you continue to kiss him, one of your hands trailing down the front of his body to palm him through his pants. Ominis gasps sharply, pulling back from you. Feeling your warm body pressed tightly against his, your hips shifting against his to generate friction, was nearly too much for him.

"What are you-"

"Sebastian told me the truth Ominis. I know why you broke up with me." You whisper, pressing your forehead against his. You eye his lips, you want to feel them on you everywhere.

Sebastian, has he ever been capable of keeping a damn secret?

"My love then you know why we can't be together." He says softly, running a hand through your hair.

"We haven't been doing a very good job at that Ominis..." You tease lightly, reveling in the light chuckle he lets out.

"We were doing fine until you pounced on me like a wild animal." A teasing grin was on his face, it made your insides turn molten.

"You started it! In the common room, remember?" You ask him tenderly, and he nods with a smile.

"How could I ever forget?" He whispers, his lips ghosting over yours, which you don't think he did intentionally. It set your insides ablaze anyway. You try to press your lips against his again, but his hands hold you back.

"Ominis please." You beg shamelessly, it nearly tips him over the edge. Your voice sounds so desperate and needy, he's never heard you sound like this before. It's driving him crazy.

"Sweetheart, we can't." He insists, hearing you whine in frustration.

"I don't care about your stupid family Ominis, I love you. I want to be with you regardless of the danger. I need you please..." You beg again, feeling a heartbeat from between your thighs. You've never needed him more than you do right now.

"I love you too darling, but we still can't right now. Not until I've had a chance to get rid of my Mother." He explains and you swear you could cry. He can feel the heat from between your legs, can feel your hammering heartbeat.

"You can't leave me in this condition, that would be so cruel." You whine, and Ominis laughs lightly.

"I'm sorry my love, I'll make it up to you soon I promise." Ominis presses a long kiss to your lips, and you try to deepen it- to entice him to stay with you until you're whining and cumming around him. But he doesn't, he pulls away and gently moves you off him. He gives you a smile before raising his wand and rushing down the stairs, presumably to find his Mother. You smile to yourself, you're just happy to have him back.

He was right about one thing, both you and Sebastian have seriously underestimated how passionately Ominis's Mother hates Muggles.

TAGLIST: @abbiesxox

[lixxpix]

gone - b.c

genre: angst, breakup

synopsis: you shouldn't have married me. the words rang in your head, eyes widening ever so slightly as your fragile heart finally shattered like a piece of glass, the final blow delivered by chan's words.

word count: 0.4k (short drabble)

author's note: just a short drabble to keep y'all entertained while i write my longer fics:]

"why can't you just leave me alone??" chan was on the brink of exhaustion, and you nagging at him was not helping at all.

"chan-" you began, but was cut off by him almost immediately. "no! you tell me to sleep every single day, you call me 15 times in one day, you won't let me have even a single fucking second to myself!" chan's hands gripped at his hair as he yelled, gesturing around wildly.

"i just tell you to take care of yourself! you stay up until 3am in the morning, never eat and starve yourself, you never even say a fucking goodbye in the morning when you leave!" you yelled, lips wobbling as you felt all the pent-up emotions starting to expand, rising and rising until it was pushing against the walls of your heart and threatening to explode.

"do you know how shitty it feels to have a fucking husband that feels like a long-distance boyfriend? you don't even say goodbye, you come back at 4am every day, and i haven't even seen you in a month-" you stop, a sob threatening to escape, so you compressed your trembling lips into a straight line keep the tears in, though it was a futile attempt.

"well you shouldn't have even fucking married me then! i don't need a fucking second mother bossing me around every single second of the day! this marriage isn't even fucking working!"

you shouldn't have married me.

the words rang in your head, eyes widening ever so slightly as your fragile heart finally shattered like a piece of glass, the final blow delivered by chan's words. you could only stand in place, frozen and rooted in place, tears finally cascading down your face.

"wait- no, shit-" chan could only stammer as he watched your face fall, instantly regretting what he had just carelessly uttered.

"fine." one word, yet said with so much finality. the one word that broke his heart.

hand shaking, you brought your right hand to your left, finally twisting the small band encrusted with sparkling diamonds off. your wedding ring.

how ironic, that the symbol of your love would become the symbol of your separation.

you slammed the ring down on the counter, grabbed your coat and keys, and walked out the front door. he knew your heart was gone, the frayed rope holding your relationship together by a thread finally snapping with the sharp knife of his words.

you were gone.

[cheesecakethots]

i LIVE for the angst of a yandere initially being fucking awful to their darling after taking them, and overtime changing and becoming more loving, as well has having newfound and immense regret for what they’ve done. it is literally my fave yan scenario.

tw // pretty heavy angst, mentions of noncon

i specifically imagine it for shigaraki, going from being this disgusting manbaby who treats his darling like they’re nothing but a toy for him to use, only to later realise how much he loves them and mature in how he treats them, making his regret for the past even stronger.

him trying to coax his darling into coming out on a date with him - they can go anywhere, he doesn’t mind, darling has free reign to choose what they do. he tries to be so soft and quiet in his tone, as though not to startle them.

it’s only when tears start forming in their eyes and they mumble, “have i been bad?” that he realises how badly his past self fucked up.

the only other time he really took them out was when he’d decided they needed a punishment, and had made them stand and watch as he disintegrated the first group of people they saw out. he had then fucked them against the alleyway wall, bodies still around them both, just to really get the point across.

he wishes he could take back everything, but he can’t. as of now, he needs to take baby steps in order to bring you out of the very same hole he once caved into your mind.

(i love regretful yans urm send me some thots about them pretty please)

[anantaru]

⊹ ‧₊˚ ᰔ synopsis. breaking up because he wants to keep you safe, right person wrong time, cw. angst, he's lying to you, break up, mentions of death, gn! reader

what if childe doesn't want to break up with you, yet he's also aware that someone being close to a harbinger was way too dangerous, keeping you as his significant other would be a death sentence for you— his enemies are countless, he doesn't fear them but you should. what if he cannot protect you? aside from that, even within the fatui, he cannot trust a single individual.

who knows if somebody was actually able to find out about your secret relationship and use it in order to force childe into doing something? blackmail him or threatening to hurt you if he doesn't comply? can he even come to your rescue then? just thinking about you dying in front of him makes him want to fall asleep and never wake up.

after he went through those multiple concerns spreading inside his head, trying his hardest to find a solution, or, an answer. childe ultimately decided to break up with you— of course, in order to protect you.

but what's worse than that is that the harbinger was aware that, if he was to say it's due to "keeping you safe" you wouldn't accept it and would probably change his mind.

the thought alone of you looking at him with those eyes of yours, with droplets of tears hanging from your lashes, childe would fall to his knees immediately and admit defeat.

what does he do then?

you see, he's lying, lying that he's fallen out of love with you, that there was someone else he's fallen for yet that person wasn't you anymore.

he doesn't feel anything when he looks at you. no love, no future, he doesn't want to touch nor feel you, hear or see you.

saying those words out loud, precisely to your face actually broke his heart into a million pieces.

childe thinks he's numb now, and his colleagues were already talking about how weidly ruthless he's gotten over the past weeks— more pitiless and bloodthirsty than before, like he's lost a part of himself after he's lost you, after he pretended like he cheated on you so you would let him go.

childe doesn't care anymore, you were the one reminding him of his humanity, but with you gone, what even was humanity to him?

he doesn't mind that you hate him now, to him it means that you'll never come anywhere near him anymore, he's succeeded with his plan on keeping you protected from harm— meaning, that you're finally safe now.

©2024 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate, modify

[samkerrworshipper]

the monsters gone

part 3 of beautiful girl series -> part 1 -> part 2

leah williamson x reader, jordan nobbs x reader (wobbs as moms)

warnings: drug addiction, drug abuse, talks of illicit substances, depression, intrusive thoughts, would not advise for people in a bad mental headspace

You wanted her to leave, or you were desperate for a fix and well aware that it wasn’t going to happen until she was gone and you could retreat up to your room like normal. 

You scratched at the incision on your forearm, it was hidden underneath your hoodie but you could feel it all the same, it made you feel guilty. 

You’d never felt guilty for taking drugs, why would you? It was your choice, your body, your brain that you were fucking with. Yet for some reason, the little mark that you knew was sitting right on top of your vein was making you feel guilty. You didn’t want to admit it, but it felt oddly like the start of something, you weren’t sure what though, whatever it was though, it didn’t feel good. 

When the door clicked open around 2 o’clock you felt far more at peace, watching your mom hobble through the door with Lia following her. Jordan stood up almost immediately and if the room hadn’t already been awkward then the awkwardness found a whole new definition as the two women looked at each other. 

“Hey Jord, thanks for hanging around, you’re looking good.”

Your mom looked relieved to see Jordan, your ma on the other side looked slightly terrified as she eyed up the two women. 

“It wasn’t an issue, you know I love spending time with my chick.”

Leah smiled, looking down at you on the couch, you buried your head in your phone, ignoring her gaze. 

“Whether she admits it or not she likes seeing you as well.”

Your ma laughed awkwardly, it took everything in you to not burst out laughing at all of the tension between the two of them. 

“Look I’ll be heading off, gotta me back in Birmingham for game review tonight but can we talk for a minute though Le?”

Your mom’s head cocked to the side, a look of curiosity evident on her face. 

“Yeah sure, come with me.”

Lia watches them with the same look of curiosity as you, your eyes meeting as the trail back from the doorway to Leah’s office that they both step into. 

“They’re talking about me.”

Lia doesn’t bother trying to ignore you or deny what you’re saying, she nodes her head. 

“Probably, that’s what most parents do.”

It’s a absentminded answer, and for a second your aware that maybe Lia is in on whatever is happening, that she knows exactly what is going on behind the door. If anything important came from the phone call earlier you know Lia would be the first to know, she was like the third parent you never asked for nor wanted, but somehow ended up with. 

“Ma thinks that Mom’s parenting is shit.”

Lia cocks her head, she’s harder to read then your moms, more calculated, more clean, less obviously emotional. 

“She just disagrees with some of the things that your mother does, so do I. Nobody else is in her shoes though, she makes the decisions that are necessary and best for you.”

Lia sounds convinced of her words, even though you doubt them. 

“Ma doesn’t think so.”

Lia bit down on her bottom lip, finishing with tucking her kit bag away so she could focus her attention on you. 

“She worries about you.”

You did your best to suppress the eye roll, it didn’t work. 

“She worries that mom is too nice and isn’t strict enough.”

Sometimes you thought that your mom compensated for the void between the two of you by letting you do whatever you wanted, other times you were reminded by your grandma that she’d told Leah she needed to go easy on you and that not everyone could be as perfect as Leah Williamson. 

“Your mom knows what you need better than anybody else.”

The conversation paused, the two of you flinching at the sound of yelling from the other side of the door, you couldn’t make out what was being said, both of them were yelling though. 

“Set the table for lunch for me, kiddo?”

You couldn’t pull your eyes from the door, you hadn’t hear your moms yell in a long time, it took you back to when they were breaking up, when they tried to act like they weren’t, when they saved the fighting and yelling for when you’d been tucked into bed and they’d thought you were asleep. 

“Kiddo, table.”

You stood up from the couch, your eyes staying stuck to the door, even as you pulled cutlery from the drawer and laid it out with the placemats on the table. Eventually, the yelling ceased, and the room was over come with a silence like no other, only being broken by the door opening and your two moms walking out, both of them looking far more content considering that it had sounded like they were screaming at each other, not thirty seconds ago. 

“Bubba, Jord is going to head off, if you want to say bye.”

Jordan’s arms opened up to you and as mad and confused as you were, you weren’t going to deny her. You walked around the table, leaning into her hug, wrapping your arms around her the same way she did for you, letting her hold on for a little bit longer. 

“I’ll be back when I can chicky, I love you so much.”

You wanted to tell her she was lying, that they were all lying, they didn’t fucking love you, it was so fucking obvious. But for the sake of keeping the peace you didn’t. 

“I love you too Ma.”

Jordan let go of you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. The same way she had when they’d adopted you when you were eight, the same way she had after your first game when you were 12, the same way she had when you were 14 and you’d been top of your form and given an award, the same way she had when she’d left for good when you were 16. It was the same kiss, yet everything about it was different, the meaning, the purpose, the intention, it was all different. 

You watched as she walked out the door, the same as every time, you listened to the sound of her car starting and the sound of gravel underneath her tires as she pulled out and onto the road. 

Once you were sure she was gone you turned around, sliding into a seat at the table, across from your mother, staring at her. 

“What were you guys talking about?”

Leah looked at you, poker face as good as ever. 

“Football, some other stuff.”

It was a obvious lie, both you and Lia knew it. 

“You were talking about me, what about me?” Leah rolled her eyes at you. 

“It was a conversation between your Ma and I, not for your ears.”

You didn’t bat an eye as Lia set lunch down in front of you, to fixated on your mother. 

“You don’t yell over nothing, what were you talking about.”

Leah pushed her tongue out against her lips. 

“Your ma had some concerns about you, that’s it, I told her she had nothing to worry about and that we were doing just fine.”

You knew that even if you didn’t want to admit it, Jordan probably had some valid points, your mom seemed unphased though. 

“That’s it?”

Leah looked at you, and you could tell that she was holding something back. 

“She told me that you’d told her you smoked weed last night and that you were vomiting this morning.”

You tried to keep your face from changing, keeping the confident exterior even if you were slightly scared on the inside. 

“I got drunk, I had some fun, it was no biggy.”

Leah’s eyebrow rose in the trademark question. 

“It’s a biggy to me because you told all you were doing was vaping and a little bit of drinking, you said you’d be honest with me and it’s clear you haven’t been.”

You hesitated for a second, the air thickening around you as suddenly the tension was between you and your mother. 

“I was just having some fun mom, I didn’t do anything stupid, I was safe, just like you asked.”

Leah’s face shrivelled up as you used her words against her. 

“You were out with friends I’ve never met, at a house on the opposite side of town that I’ve never been too, Jord said you looked like you’d been on a three day bender and I told her that I didn’t believe her but now you’re here admitting it.”

You reached into your pocket for your vape, desperate for something to take the edge of the conversation off, to make you feel calmer. 

You pulled it out and Leah’s face immediately pointed inwards.

“How many times do I have to say no vape at the table?”

You frowned, shoving it back in your pocket. 

“It was just a bit of weed mom, it’s what kids my age do.”

Leah shook her head. 

“It wasn’t just a bit of weed, I’ve been smelling it on your clothes for weeks and trying to tell myself I was being delusional because you’d told me you were just on the vape, that you had no interest in drugs and yet you were lying to me, you have been for a while bubba and I don’t know how to feel about it to be honest. I thought we were closer than most parents and kids, I thought we had boundaries and that I was giving you enough space, and now I don’t know what to think.”

You pursed your lips, struggling to find words. 

“And if you’re lying to me about weed then what else is there? What else is there you aren’t telling me because there has to be more. I let you drop football, I relaxed on the school because I know you were struggling but this doesn’t work if you aren’t honest with me.” 

You really didn’t know what to say, your mind was in a million different places, the container underneath your bed, the joints on your windowsill hidden behind the curtains, the three vapes in your bedside table, the drug dealer numbers in your phone, what had happened last night, the meth track mark on your arm. 

“Nothing, it was just some weed, I just wanted something to take the edge off, it was no big deal.”

Leah’s eyes closed for a second and you knew this was all about to get a lot harder. 

“Except it was a big deal because you’ve been doing it behind my backs for weeks, I’ve tried to be understanding bubba, I have, I know it’s been tough for you with me and Jords breakup, you’ve had a really hard year, I let the vaping slide, I let your attendance drop at school, but drugs bub, it’s no joke.”

You took a deep breath. 

“It’s just some weed, I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”

Leah wants to say that if you’re this relaxed about being caught doing weed then she doesn’t want to know what else you’re hiding from her that would make you less relaxed, but she keeps it to herself, or for this moment at least. 

“I want you to bring me whatever you have of it, I won’t have you smoking illicit and illegal substances underneath my roof.”

You figured there were worse things that could happen, she could find your stash, she could take your vape, she could ground you or make you go to school. 

“Okay.”

Your mom nodded, happy she had at least won a small battle. 

“After lunch.”

You nod again in agreeance, looking down at the caesar salad in front of you and stabbing your fork down onto it, picking up the different pieces of lettuce and chicken scattered throughout. 

You make it through half the meal before you grab your bowl and pick it up, walking into the kitchen to do you washing up, your mom follows behind you, her bowl empty. 

You take the dish from her, cleaning it out and stacking both of them in the dishwasher, knowing whats to come now. 

You slow yourself down on the stairs giving her the time to follow behind you as she dragged her bad leg up every individual stair. 

Leah had been putting in hours everyday for her rehab, it was her main focus, over everything else. 

Eventually the two of you made it to the top of the stairs, and eventually to your bedroom door.

You hesitated before opening it, you couldn’t remember the last time Leah had been inside it, way before her acl, ever since she’d gotten injured she’d been avoiding the staircase. 

You opened the door, hand pausing on the cold metal doorknob for a split second before pushing it open. 

Your room was still freezing, you didn’t miss how your mother shivered from the breeze that hit her face immediately, coming straight from the open window. 

“Jesus kiddo, you trying to replicate antarctica in here? You know I pay good money for heating, right?”

It’s a lighthearted joke, yet somehow it hurts for you, you don’t know how or why, you just know that it does. 

“I like it cold.”

Leah looks at you, both brows furrowed inwards. 

“Alright then polar bear.”

You try not to flinch away when her hand reaches up to ruffle your hair, it’s something she’s done to you since you were a kid, it feels wrong now though. 

“Let’s just get this over and done with.”

You walk over to your windowsill, reaching behind the curtain and reaching for the bag of joints that you have stashed behind the material. Leah frowns as you walk back over to her, shoving the bag into her hands before she can even ask. 

“This is all of them?”

She looks completely unconvinced, you probably would be too, most kids don’t give up their drugs willingly. 

“Yes.”

Leah looks at you, eye to eye, like she’s trying to reach into your soul, or read your mind. 

“Bubba, this is your chance, I’m giving you an opportunity to be straight with me, and whatever you tell me or give me I won’t be mad about. I might want to sit down and question your decisions, but I won’t be mad. Teenagers are stupid, they make mistakes, they try new things, I get it. Be honest with me bubba, please.”

You didn’t really know what Leah was insinuating, but it was clear that she knew there was a bigger picture here. 

“That’s it mom.”

You had to tear your eyes away from her, you couldn’t handle the way that she was looking at you, the mix of disappointment, resentment and worry mixed into her blue irises. 

“Bubba, don’t make me search your room, don’t make me have to ground you, don’t make me have to call Jord and get her to turn the car around to help me out.”

You brought your eyes back to Leah’s. 

“That’s it mom, I don’t know what you want me to tell you, I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

You were lying through your teeth and the fact you couldn’t look eye to eye with Leah would have been enough of a warning sign of that. 

“Drugs bubba, that’s what I’m talking about, you’re lying straight to my fucking face right now, I don’t know what about or why but you are.”

You didn’t know what to say, you weren’t going to admit it, you couldn’t, but you needed to say something. Fuck, you were so fucked. 

You tried to spin it in your head, tried to think about how you could make this work out. You were caught, you were done, this was bad. 

Your eyes darted to below your bed, rookie fucking mistake. 

Leah caught your line of sight, and you knew as soon as she did that it was all about to go to fucking shit, that you were done for. 

“Lia.”

Your mom’s voice was urgent, a yell that had the swiss woman bounding up the stairs in a matter of seconds. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

You were so fucking fucked. 

You were frozen in your spot, your mom’s eyes looking at you like she’d just been stabbed in the heart. 

“Bubba, you can get whatever you are hiding from me or I will get Lia to tear this whole room a part, I’m not fucking around.”

You felt torn down the middle, your brain couldn’t think, you felt the same sickness sink in from this morning, instead of it being withdrawals from drugs though it was the realisation that your whole life was about to be turned upside down. 

You tried to think, tried to think about how you could spin this, make it a little bit better than it really was. 

Lia looked more uncomfortable then possible, you wished a blackhole would randomly pop up and swallow all three of you. 

Something hit you, it wasn’t a full resolution but it was better than what you currently had going for you. 

You walked over to your bed, with unsteadier legs then last night when you were so drunk the world was spinning, crouching down when you got to the edge, feeling for the familiar container that held all of your deepest darkest secrets, or at least that’s how it felt. 

It took you back to a time when you’d made Leah check under your bed everynight for the monsters under your bed, now though she was looking for the monsters in your head, the monsters that had turned her little perfect girl into whatever you were now. 

Your hand eventually met the hard plastic, you pulled it out, biting down on the inside of your cheek as you stood up and sat down on the edge of your bed. 

Leah took a couple steps closer to you, standing directly in front of you. 

“Look, it’s not mine, I only did it twice, my friends bought it over, I swear.”

Half of it was true. 

“Open the box, bubba.”

You felt your throat tighten, you felt like you were going to vomit, or pass out, or have a heart attack. 

“Mom, I didn’t want to, I don’t even like it, I just did it because my friends were, I swear.”

It was also another half truth. 

“Bubba, open the box.”

You bit down even harder on the inside of your cheek, reaching for the edge of the plastic box and opening it, revealing the two baggies of white powder inside of it. 

Leah’s face fell, in a way that you’d never seen, you’d seen her disappointed before, this wasn’t it, it was something else entirely and you weren’t sure what. 

“Bubba.”

Your mom was a overly emotional person, you couldn’t handle her crying right now though, you couldn’t do it, you couldn’t deal with her pretending she gave a shit when this was the first time in months that it felt like she cared, and it was all because of Jordan, not on her own volition. 

“I swear mom, I swear, it’s not mine, I promise.”

It wasn’t a lie, it hadn’t started out as yours, you’re friends had left it behind after a weekend hangout and had never asked for it back, so it technically wasn’t yours, technically. 

“Bubba, what is it?”

Leah reached for the box, picking up the two bags, the bags that you felt like held your whole life together. 

“Cocaine, it’s just a little bit of coke, my friends were using it before parties, I didn’t like it, it made me feel dizzy and it hurt my head.”

The cocaine bit was a lie, but the fact you didn’t like cocaine wasn’t, it was the kind of stimulant which put you into over drive, the high lasted no where near as long and it made you feel like you weren’t making sense.

You were hoping she would believe the cocaine, inevitably, cocaine was a pissy drug. Leah would have been at thousands of parties were cocaine was handed around, hell, you were fairly certain your mother had taken plenty of it. Cocaine was less addictive, good cocaine was also stupidly expensive, the value of it was fucked. Meth was cheap but a thousand times more addictive, cocaine was a better like. 

“Lia, get rid of it.”

Your mom handed the bag of joints over to Lia, as well as the bags of drugs, shoving them into her hands like they were burning her hands. “I don’t even know what to say to you bubba.”

Your mom looked genuinely at a loss for words, her eyes kept darting between your eyes and your hands, which were shaking in front of you. 

“Mom, I promise, it was only a one time thing, really, I was just keeping it for my friends.”

As soon as the tears started spilling down Leah’s face you knew it was about to get bad. 

She walked over to your desk, pulling the chair out from it and dragged it across the room until it was directly in front of you, your mother taking a seat. 

Her hands came out to rest on your knees, they were shaking like yours, not as badly but still shaking, though for different reasons you assumed. 

“You told me the weed was a one time thing, that was a lie. I don’t know what to believe anymore, you’ve put me in a impossible situation, bubba. On one hand, I want to believe you. I want to believe the kid I raised, on the other hand you haven’t given me reason to. You broke my trust, you lied to me, you broke the house rules. I don’t ask a lot of you, I let you get away with more than your ma would let you, and I was fine with it because you were showing me you were a good kid, but now I honestly don’t know what to think. You told me it was just the vapes, I thought you were using a little bit to much nicotine and now it turns out that you’re smoking pot and doing drugs. You’ve been hiding and lying and I just don’t get why. Why bubba? Tell me why.”

Big tears were dripping from your mothers eyes, big, wet, fat tears pooling in her icey blue eyes. 

“I don’t know, okay? I’m sorry mom, I’m really sorry. I’m sorry. I love you, I didn’t mean it, it was just some fun, it was a one time thing, I promise.”

Leah pursed her lips, the same way you were, the sleeve of her shirt was pressed to her face, picking up the tears that were dripping down her jaw. 

“I’m going to go and call your ma, this is a discussion we need to be having together, I need her here for this.”

Little did they know how bad it really was. 

Leah stood up, you thought she would just leave, heading back down to make a call to your ma that would inevitably change your life, instead, she sat down next to you, her arms opening up. 

You leaned into her side, letting her wrap both of her arms around you. 

“I’m sorry mom, I’m sorry.”

It was the only thing you could think of saying, the only thing that sounded right coming off the tip of your tongue. 

“I love you so much my beautiful girl, we’ll figure this out, your ma and I, we’re all going to figure this out.”

Leah held onto you for a little bit longer, her arms tightening onto you like you were holding her down to earth, like she would float away if she didn’t. 

Eventually she let go, her face was puffy and red, her sleeves were red and she sounded all sniffly. 

“I’m going to go and phone Jord, we’re going to sort it all out, we’ll figure this out, okay? We’re both here for you, we both love you so much, you’re our little girl.”

You found it weird how easy it slipped off of her tongue, you wondered if she actually believed that she meant it, you wondered if when your mother said it that she meant it without really meaning it. There were words but there were no actions to support those words, just empty syllables and letters all formed together in a intricate lie. 

You watched as Leah limped her way out of your room, her bad leg trailing behind her good one, rule number one of parenting a child you now know is drug addicted, never leave them alone in a room they can escape from when you’ve just confronted them.