#brief remus sanders

[let-roman-bite-someone]

i briefly mentioned this in a previous post but i really want to talk about how patton’s growth and how he is trying his best to accept remus as part of the sides, because

he went from reacting like this to remus’s contributions, screaming or looking visibly horrified or telling remus to stop

to just casually replying to remus when he suggested that janus might have gifted him a dead animal.

keep in mind, patton is very fond of animals and these are the kind of thoughts that freak him out, but he showed no sign of distress here nor did he reprimand remus for suggesting such a thought. i’m so proud of him, he’s keeping his promise to thomas.

[edupunkn00b]

Roomies, Ch. 2: A Little Chaos Never Hurt

Prev - A Little Chaos - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

WC: 2574 - Rated T - Written for @intrualityweek 2024 - In which Patton's pretty sure Remus is high. Plus a peek into Remus' head. -

“R—Remus?” Patton’s feet stuck to the floor and the weight of his backpack pulled at his shoulders until he thought he might fall right through. He didn’t even breathe as he re-read the number scrawled on the tiny envelope in his hand then looked back up at the number on the door. 313. This was definitely his new room. And his new roommate was…

“Y—you—you’re a Senior?”

Remus laughed, shaking his head, and scooped up the duffel Patton had dropped at his feet. “Nah, I’m a freshie just like you, man,” he said and pulled him inside with his other hand. “What took you so long? I was beginning to worry you weren’t ever gonna make it.”

“Yeah,” Patton nodded. “Me, too, actually. It was a… a trek.” The windows that wouldn’t open on the overheated Greyhound. The frantic search for a local bus to campus from the station. The hours in line at the Housing Office. 

Logan sitting on the bed in his Ro’s dorm room. 

Remus grinned at him expectantly. Like he really wanted to know what had caused him to arrive so late. Patton tried to shrug but he ended up just shuddering. “Um, well—”

The door across the hall opened and closed, and a lanky guy in a purple-trimmed hoodie stuck his head inside their room. “Hey, man,” he drawled to Remus. “Thanks again for switching rooms.”

“Eh,” he dismissed the gratitude with a wave achingly similar to one of Ro’s gestures. “My pleasure!” He winked at Patton before turning back to the other guy and smiling. “This room’s got better light anyway.”

“You say that like it’s a good thing,” he muttered, pulling his hood lower over his eyes. Remus just shrugged and the guy gave them a little two-fingered salute before slinking down the hallway and leaving them alone.

“Was he—” Patton peered down the hall at the guy as he stepped into the elevator. “Was he supposed to be in this room with me?”

“Yeah,” Remus grinned, dragging over Patton’s largest bag and hefting it up onto the bed. “Mom and Dad wanted to keep things fair and since they were paying for Ro Bro to have a single room to make space for Lo, they went and got me one, too.”

“But…” Patton’s face scrunched so hard his head hurt. “I…I still don’t understand.”

“Vee’s a senior and shoulda gotten a single. He just missed the deadline. It was really just bad luck that Ro and I swooped in and snatched up ours right after the waitlist opened for the pathetic underclass.” He smirked and gave a little shoulder shimmy. “At least that’s what the hot guy in the RA office told me.”

“But…” Patton worked off his backpack and set it down on the floor next to the bed. Wincing, he rubbed a knot in his shoulder. “Won’t your parents be mad you switched rooms? That you’re not in the room they paid for?”

“I dunno,” he paused like he had to think about it, Patton’s last bag dangling from his hand. Finally he shrugged and flashed Patton a manic smile. “Maybe? I’ll tell ‘em I had a good reason.” He plopped the bag on the floor next to the others.

“Which was?” Patton prompted.

Remus stared back at him, brow crinkled. After a moment, his face lit up and he grinned. “Oh, the reason why I switched?”

“Well, yeah?” Patton stared at him. Was he high? Remus’ eyes had danced in their sockets as he'd rambled but focused directly on Patton whenever he spoke. He didn’t smell like weed, but Patton supposed an edible or drops or something wouldn’t leave behind an odor. Maybe it was something worse than weed? He looked out in the quiet hall, but everyone was either tucked away in their own rooms or on their way to dinner.

Remus blinked at him. “Oh… Well I… I didn’t at first, but after Mom and Dad got me moved in and they went to help RoLo, I had nothing to do, so… I went to go meet the neighbors. Vee was the most interesting person on the floor.” He leaned close and whispered, “It’s a bunch of dance majors on this side of the building.” As if that explained anything. “Vee and I got to talking. Did you know he’s a poetry major? I didn’t even know you could major in poetry! Anyway, Vee showed me his secret pet, ‘Charlotte.’”

“Aww, he brought a pet?” Patton’s fingers itched to stroke a soft fuzzy thing. There’d been a barn cat at camp he’d admired from afar—and downwind, avoiding his dander. He'd leave him bits of fish from dinner, then have to shoo him away if he got too close. His fur had looks silky and fluffy and perfect. Especially for making his eyes water and his nose itch.  “I’ve always wanted a pet," Patton sighed. "That… that might’ve been nice to have a roommate with one.” Remus stepped back, hands shoved into too-tight pockets and something dark passed over his face. 

He’d made him mad. “I—I—I don’t mean you’re not, um—That—that was really nice that you traded rooms so he’d have his own room his last year of school and—”

But Remus just laughed. “Charlotte’s Vee’s pet spider. She’s a tarantula the size of your hand, well… the size of my hand,” he said, waggling long fingers too close to Patton’s face.

“Oh,” Patton shivered, brushing away the imagined touch of eight tiny legs creeping up and down his arms. Back when they were in the sixth grade, Remus had found an absolutely gigantic spider on his way to school and he’d offered it to him and Ro to pet. Patton had screamed at the sight of it and Remus had just barely managed to catch it before Ro crushed it with a math book. “I—” He looked around the tiny room. “It— she’s not still here, is she?”

“Nah, Charlotte's safe and happy in her terrarium, tucked under a quilt in his room.” 

“I…” Patton shuddered. “I don’t like spiders.”

“I remember,” he grinned again, looking over his shoulder as he picked up the clothes he’d dropped when Patton had arrived. “That time I showed you JoJo, you screamed loud enough the Principal heard you in his office up on the second floor.”

“JoJo?” Patton shivered again, eyes wide. “You named it?”

“Mm-hm, kept him happy and alive all summer, too.” Remus tapped the music back on but turned the volume way down. “Then he had babies.” He pinched his thumb and forefinger and mimed plucking something from the palm of his hand. “Tiny little things. Ro Bro got so mad when they got out and I wouldn’t let him squish ‘em,” he laughed. “It was great!”

Apparently Ro had spared him that particular story. Patton shivered again and tried not to imagine Vee’s spider across the hall making babies. Would they be able to get out? The cage had to open sometimes if only to feed it. What did you even feed a pet spider? 

Patton’s stomach grumbled and a blush crawled up his face when Remus laughed. “I was about to say we should probably go check out the dining hall before all the good stuff is gone.” He gathered up one more armful of clothes from his own bag then shoved it all into the bottom drawer. “But it sounds like you had the same idea!” After switching off the music, he pulled on the same old scuffed pair of green leather docs Patton had seen him in since before their senior year. 

Remus followed Patton’s gaze and grinned as he stood, leaving the laces undone. “Finally broke ‘em in.”

He moved to the door and held it open. “Let’s go eat and I’ll help you unpack later.”

“Um,” Patton’s eyes fell on his small blue pack. “Y—you don’t have to, I mean…”

“What’s the matter?” He waggled his eyebrows when he saw where Patton was looking. “Don’t want me to find your porn collection?”

Patton’s blush grew and he shook his head. “No… no nothing—nothing like that, just…” Remus could not see what was in that bag. He was pretty sure Ro didn’t even know he still had it. 

He’d never hear the end of it if Remus found it.

Remus’ grin melted but was back a moment later. “Up to you,” he shrugged then jerked his head toward the hall. “You coming?”

Ignoring his suggestive wink, Patton nodded and followed him out into the hallway. Remus closed the door behind them then jiggled the doorknob, nodding when it wouldn’t open. He didn’t speak again until they’d reached the elevator, just swinging his arms, popping one knuckle at a time with his thumbs. “So…” he finally said, rocking back on his heels before slapping his toes down flat. “If you didn’t know I was gonna be your roommate, what did take you so long? Check-in ended hours ago and you missed Orientation.”

“I, um…” The look on Ro’s face when he’d arrived at his dorm, surprised and not-quite happy, swam before Patton’s eyes and his chest tightened. He cleared his throat and busied himself with checking he had his phone and the not-yet-memorized door codes before stepping onto the elevator.  “I went to my old dorm first. With Ro?” He glanced up, continuing when Remus nodded. “I… I didn’t know I’d been switched.”

Remus stomped his foot and the elevator rattled. “The Housing Office didn’t even fucking bother to tell you?”

“No—I mean, yes, I… I was at camp and—”

“Oh!” Re’s anger melted and he grinned down at him, eyes bright. “You went back to be a counselor at Timber Lake?”

Patton blinked up at him. “You know my camp?”

Remus rolled his eyes but didn’t lose his smile. “You’ve only been going there since you were what, six?”

“Seven,” he corrected absently. “It’s always right after my birthday.”

The elevator opened and Remus wedged his boot against the doors, nodding and sweeping out his arm. Ro would do that. He shrugged when Patton hesitated. “I saw it try to eat some girl’s suitcase before.”

“Thanks,” Patton mumbled and quickly slipped out, giving the doors a wide berth. Remus stayed close behind, and silence fell between them as they followed the path around the gallery. But it didn’t last.

“When did your camp get out?”

“Two weeks ago.” Patton gnawed at the inside of his cheek, eyes down on the path.

“So what, you had a really hot date and couldn’t be bothered to get dressed and check your mail?” He waggled his eyebrows but grew serious when Patton just shook his head.

Patton looked up at him, something in Remus’ eyes hooked into his chest and tried to pull the story out. Whether it was those eyes of his that looked so much like Ro’s without being Ro’s. Or just the way his shoulders sloped, hands in his pockets. Remus seemed smaller… Less imposing. It made Patton want to explain. To tell him everything.

He opened his mouth but the words just wouldn’t come out. Patton’s head drooped and he looked down at his ratty sneakers. What he’d gone through was not even close to what Logan had suffered. Not… really. He shrugged. “I had the option to stay and help close up the camp for the summer… You know… A little extra cash never hurts.” He risked a glance up but Remus wasn’t looking at him, his eyes fixed on a point on the path ahead of them. “So… I came straight to school from camp and went to the room listed in my old letter and… well, you know.”

“So you met Ro’s new beau?”

“Yeah,” Patton nodded, throat tightening again. He felt Remus’ eyes on him and he looked up, pushing a smile onto his face. “He seems really nice. Well…” Logan’s vague threat to put Remus in the hospital if he joked about his parents again sent a shiver down his spine. He’d seen Remus in a fight but even while sad Logan had looked like he’d deliver on the threat. “He told me you called him ‘Little Orphan Annie.’”

“Yeah, he was way too wound up,” Remus laughed. “Did he tell you I offered to make him a real orphan?”

Patton’s feet stuttered and Remus stopped, too. “You what?”

“Yeah, his parents are real dicks. What kind of people would throw their kid out just for coming out, anyway?”

“Bad ones,” Patton muttered.

“My point exactly!” Remus said, arms flung up in the air. 

Patton huffed out a little laugh and Remus grinned back at him, then walked silently for a few more yards. Hands shoved back into his pockets, Remus kept his eyes on the path and asked quietly, “So you really didn’t know about Ro changing roommates?”

“I really didn’t,” Patton shook his head and swallowed against the growing lump in his throat.

“Hmph,” he grunted, brow furrowed. “You know when you ghosted, Ro thought you were mad at him. I mean,” he added when Patton looked up, horrified. “I couldn’t’ve blamed you if you had. I woulda been fucking pissed if I were you.”

Patton shook his head and traced the crack on the sorta-new phone in his pocket. “Oh, I could never just ghost Ro. I lo—like him too much for that.”

If Remus caught his slip, he didn’t let on. “That’s what I thought,” he said and pulled open the door to the dining hall with a little bow. “After you, Roomie.”

~

Hours after dinner and all the unpacking was finished, Remus stumbled out of the shower to find Patton already nestled in a huddle of blankets on his bed. He’d left a desk lamp on, illuminating mostly Remus’ side of the room. But the light still cast a soft glow over the tuft of blond curls spilling out over Patton's pillow.

One hand scrubbing his hair dry with a towel, Remus tiptoed closer to his desk and clicked off the lamp. The room went black for a moment, fading up into a silvery grey as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Moonlight battled the lamps out on the edge of the quad, spilling in through the open window blinds and tracing sharp lines over the stubble sprouting along Patton’s jaw. It grew darker than the hair on his head and just as Remus wondered if it was scratchy, Patton sleepily itched his chin and rolled over.

His eyes were softly closed, relaxed in sleep. But his lids were puffy. Dark shadows lay underneath, deepened by the weird zebra striped lighting and contrasted by Patton’s soft, round cheeks. Patton turned his head and, for a second, Remus was pretty sure there were wet spots on his pillowcase. But maybe it was just a trick of the light.

Figuring it was decidedly creepy to stand there in the dark and watch him sleep, Remus threw his towel over his desk chair and climbed into his own bed. Keeping his new tattoo uncovered meant laying on his side, facing Patton’s bed. Silver moonlight glowed in his curls, cherubic.

“‘Night, Patton,” Remus whispered, and mushed his head into his own pillow before forcing his eyes shut.

He didn’t yet know if it was Ro who’d made Patton cry, but if it had been, he’d make sure his brother paid.

The sight of Patton’s face when he learned Remus wasn’t even supposed to be his roommate, big seafoam eyes downcast, fingers twitching at his sides, wrapped itself around his heart and squeezed. If it turned out Patton had been crying because of him, well… Remus had all year to figure out a way to make that up to him.

[monkeythefander]

Patton and Remus Fluff, Pretty please with a cherry on top? 🍒🥺

Patton & Remus Fluff Headcannons

Here are some Patton & Remus Fluff headcannons as requested by @jumbo-bo on Tumblr. These headcannons are platonic Patton and Remus, but if you want to interpret them as romantic that’s fine too. The headcannons are a little more hurt/comfort towards the end, but they’re mostly fluff.

Content Warnings: mention of allergies (cat allergy), mention of a zombie cat (which has stitches on it), food and drink mention (in relation to the zombie cat not needing to eat and drink), mention of playing horror games, mention of having nightmares (Patton has nightmares, so I guess a bit of Patton hurt/comfort is here).

Click below the cut to read the headcannons.

—————————————————————-

- Since Patton is allergic to cats but really wants a cat, Remus decides to make a zombie cat for Patton. The cat isn’t a stereotypical zombie that eats body parts or anything. It’s basically a cat that doesn’t need to eat or drink to live. Patton is a bit scared at first by the cat, since it feels very cold and has some stitches on it, but the cat meows happily up at Patton and the moral side is immediately in love with the cat. Patton thanks Remus and decides to show his gratitude by letting Remus name the cat. Remus names the cat Frankie, like the character from monster high, since that series is one of the few not so scary monster related shows he and Patton can bond over.

- To bond with Remus, Patton tries to play some horror games with him. They are typically mascot horror games, because the mascot designs can be somewhat nice to look at, which makes playing the games a bit less intimidating for Patton.

- Patton gets Remus a onesie to wear to family movie nights in the mind palace. The onesie looks like a rat. It has little ears on the hood and a tail on the back. Remus likes it enough that he actually wears it to bed sometimes.

- When Patton has nightmares and just wants someone to listen to him vent about them afterwards, he goes to Remus. The creative side isn’t freaked out by the negative or dark thoughts Patton’s mind creates in the nightmares, so Remus is great at calmly listening to Patton’s retellings of them. Remus is also great at hugging Patton after he finishes venting. The moral side didn’t expect Remus to be a good hugger considering he lived with Janus and Virgil, who aren’t too openly affectionate. So Patton was pleasantly surprised by how comforting Remus’s hugs were.

- One day Patton asks Remus if he can give him a makeover. The moral side wants to try out a new style, and likes some of the casual punk outfits Remus wears when they aren’t filming Sanders Sides videos. The creative side excitedly agrees to the moral side’s request and gives Patton an outfit that can be considered pastel punk.

——————————————————————

End Notes: Thanks for reading! As always, if you like any of these headcannons and want to make a fanfic or fanart based on it, you can do so. You just need to ask me first, and then credit and tag me in the post so I can see it.

-Monkey💜

[thedragonemperess]

Remus: Do you think if I asked SCP-6009 to fuck me it would respond with an action or a verbal answer?

Logan: Probably an action

Remus: Really??? :DDD

Logan: Yeah

Logan: To kill you

[prodigal-explorer]

to celebrate together - a sanders sides fanfiction

this is a cute fluffy fic (for the most part) about human versions of the sides discussing easter, ramadan, and passover, three very prominent holidays from three different religions during the springtime!

(cws -> brief mention of anti-semetism, brief mention of anti-semetic hate crimes, honestly there are brief moments of insensitivity towards all three religions mentioned (christianity/catholicism, islam, and jewish) but they are genuine moments of confusion and not in bad faith! this fic is about learning and growing and respecting other religions, so there is a bit of a learning curve.)

word count: 2.9k

(also, i know i usually write a lot of unsympathetic patton which may deter some people. it will comfort these people to know that patton is not unsympathetic in this fic! he's actually a cool guy! so don't worry about that.)

Everyone in the house knew that Easter was one of Patton’s favorite holidays by now. They had only been living together for a few months, but it was obvious from the new way Patton carried himself in the springtime. He bought a lot of Easter-themed furniture, so by the time March 1st rolled around, the house was covered head to toe in eggs, bunnies, baskets, chicks, and crosses. Lots of crosses. 

“Why are there a bunch of plus signs everywhere?” Roman had dared to ask one day, “Logan, is this one of your math projects?” 

“You seriously don’t know what a cross is?” Patton asked, his eyes wide with shock, “Oh, that’s right. You’re balsamic.” 

“Uh…Islamic,” Roman corrected awkwardly, “Me and Remus just say we’re Muslim. And I know what a cross is, I just didn’t know that it was one of those. They really do look like plus signs with a big tail. What are they all for?” 

“Well, they’re Easter decorations!” Patton explained readily, “Since Easter is the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus, we have crosses here to commemorate all he sacrificed for his people.” 

“Wow,” Roman said, a smile forming on his face, “I guess Jesus must have been pretty brave.” 

“He’s not just brave, Roman,” Patton said, “He died for us. The least we can do is celebrate him.” 

“Yeah, that seems fair,” Roman said, still gazing around the colorful, decked out area with a gentle, somewhat cautious curiosity that was generally unlike him. He seemed to sense that this was sensitive territory. “So…why do you guys celebrate Easter the way you do? With the bunnies and the eggs? Did Jesus really like sunny side up or something? Did he have a pet bunny?” 

“Come on,” Patton said, “I want to tell everyone about this!” 

Roman grinned and followed Patton into the living room, where the others were sitting and chatting. Logan was on the recliner, working on a grocery list, while Janus and Remus were on the ground, playing Go-Fish. Virgil was spread across the couch, scrolling through his phone. 

“Guys, Patton’s gonna teach us about Easter!” Roman said, “Like, why they use the eggs and stuff.” 

“It’s because of Jesus,” Logan droned tiredly, staring up at Patton, “Is this really necessary?” 

“Of course it’s necessary, Logan!” Patton chastised, “It’s the most important event of springtime!” 

Virgil tilted his head. “But what about Passover?” 

“Pass-what?” Patton said, clearly confused, “No, we’re talking about Easter. What’s passover?” 

“I like Layat Al-Qadr best,” Remus shrugged, “It’s the only night of the year where I can get Roman to shut up.” 

“Hey!” Roman protested, “Oh, I have an idea! We’ll have a contest. Each of us will talk about what we think is the most important event of springtime, and then we’ll hold a vote!” 

“I suppose we can do that,” Janus said, “Logan and I don’t celebrate any of these things, so we will be neutral voters. We don’t have any emotional attachment to any of the options.” 

“Perfect!” Patton said, “And we’ll start with Easter, because Easter is-”

“Fat chance,” Virgil said, “Everyone already knows everything about Easter. It’s the only holiday that Americans give a shit about. It’s all over the supermarkets, it gets all the attention and respect. You don’t even know what Passover is, and do you even know that Ramadan exists?” 

“Of course I know what ramen is, I had some for dinner last night,” Patton said. 

The room was silent for a second. 

“Virgil has a point,” Logan said, but when Patton pouted, Logan continued, “But we can still hear Patton out. He may say something we don’t know about yet. Besides, if we’re going to keep this vote objective, we need to hear out every option with equal respect and attention. Can we do that?” 

“Yeah, sorry, Pat,” Virgil said softly.

“Sure,” Remus said, “Tell us about how Jesus got nailed on a cross.” 

“Why would I tell you about that if you already know that part?” Patton asked with a disgusted expression. 

“Cuz it’s the coolest part,” Remus replied with a toothy grin. 

“Well…you’re not entirely wrong,” Patton said, growing excited as he started again to speak, “Easter is the holiday that celebrates the resurrection of Jesus! It’s celebrated every springtime, after the first full moon of spring. Jesus was arrested by Jewish leaders, and he was sentenced to death on the cross for trying to lead his people.” 

“Interesting,” Janus mumbled, narrowing his eyes a bit, “Jewish leaders. That was an interesting detail to mention. Why does that matter to you, Pat?” 

“Anyway,” Patton said icily before continuing the story, “A man named Joseph asked these leaders to take Jesus down from the cross after he died, in order to bury him properly. They allowed it, and Joseph buried Jesus in a stone tomb. But three days later, when people came to put spices on Jesus’ body, they found that he was gone!” 

“So Jesus wasn’t actually dead??” Roman asked, clearly shocked by that twist in the story. 

“Well, of course he’s not dead,” Patton said, “That’s the entire point of Easter, buddy! Jesus was resurrected. Easter is a holiday that represents rebirth. There’s always hope, and Jesus will always be there for us. Even during the darkest times, and even in the face of death.” 

“Jesus is badass,” Remus remarked, “But that still doesn’t explain why there are eggs, though.” 

“Oh! Another part of Easter is something called Lent,” Patton said, “In the 40 days leading up to Easter Sunday, Christians and Catholics celebrate Lent, which is a time of prayer and resisting temptation from sin. People sometimes give up things that they consider to be sinful during Lent. It’s a mindful thing. Right now, I’m giving up alcohol. And back in the medieval times, eggs weren’t allowed during Lent, so on Easter Sunday, eggs were used to signify that Lent has passed on by. Also, eggs…they represent rebirth in a way.” 

“Don’t they just represent birth?” Logan asked. 

“Well, I guess, but…come on, Logan! You like the egg salad I make every easter!”

“Your egg salad is quite good.” 

“That’s what I thought.” 

“Easter is pretty cool,” Virgil said, “That’s really cool, actually.” 

“So you think it’s better than your day?” Patton asked hopefully. 

Virgil laughed. “Good one. Easter sounds awesome and all, but nothing beats Passover.” 

“What’s that one?” Roman asked eagerly, “Why’s it called Passover? Do you play basketball or something?” 

“Okay, where the heck did basketball come from?” Janus asked. 

“I mean…you pass over the ball. In basketball,” Roman replied. 

“No basketball,” Virgil chuckled, “It’s actually called Passover for a bit of a complicated reason. I’ll start from the beginning. This story starts in Egypt. The pharaoh, who is basically the leader of Egypt, didn’t like Jewish people, and he didn’t want too many Jewish people living in Egypt. So he enslaved all the Jews who currently lived there, and ordered that all Jewish babies who are birthed in Egypt get killed.” 

Roman’s eyes widened, and he started to feel a bit sick. 

“But why?” he demanded, “The Jewish babies didn’t even do anything!” 

“You’d be surprised what people do to people who are different,” Virgil replied in a mutter, “Anyway, one Jewish woman decided that she wouldn’t let her baby die. She hid her baby in a basket and put him into the river, to float away to somewhere safer. The pharaoh's daughter found the baby, and decided to take him in. His name was Moses.” 

“Oh! Moses!” Roman cried out in recognition, “Like the movie, like the movie The Prince Of Egypt!” 

Virgil smiled slightly and nodded. 

“Yeah,” he said, “Yeah, like that movie. That’s a good movie if you guys want to learn more about Moses.” 

“And listen to some amazing songs by Stephen Schwartz!” Roman added. 

“Roman, let’s let Virgil finish, okay?” Logan said, and Roman reluctantly nodded, turning his attention back to Virgil. 

“Anyway, Moses grew up, and found out that he was Jewish, and he came from a Jewish family. He saw how horribly his people were being treated, and when he killed a slave master, he ran away to the desert,” Virgil continued, “There, he found a burning bush, and the bush talked to him. The bush basically said that he was God, and he was going to help Moses set the Jewish people free. But when Moses came back and told the pharaoh this, the pharaoh refused, over and over. And every time the pharaoh refused, God sent down a different plague, or curse, to Egypt.” 

“But that’s not fair,” Patton protested, “The rest of the people didn’t even do anything.” 

“Well, I don’t disagree,” Virgil said, “But God wasn’t feeling very forgiving after having his people enslaved for years. He knew that there was no other way to convince the pharaoh.” 

“Yeah, if you’re gonna get mad at anyone, get mad at the pharaoh,” Janus said, “He was the stubborn son of a bitch who wouldn’t set free the slaves. He put his people in danger by doing that just because he wanted more free labor.” 

“There were a lot of plagues because the pharaoh kept saying no,” Virgil explained, “And the tenth plague was a curse called the angel of death, a curse that would kill the first-born child of every home. In order to protect the innocent families, God told Moses to tell anyone who would listen to paint over their door with lamb’s blood. If the door was painted over, then the curse would pass over them, and nobody would die. Passover, see?” 

Roman nodded, his eyes widening as he was enraptured in the story. “Passover,” he repeated. 

“The Israelites listened to Moses, but a lot of others in Egypt didn’t, including the Pharaoh,” Virgil said, a bit sadly, “It sucked. They all had to learn the hard way. If they had just listened to Moses, nobody would have died. If the pharaoh had just let the Israelites go the first time, then none of the plagues would have had to happen. But stricken with grief after his firstborn son died, the pharaoh finally let the Israelites go, and they were freed from slavery.” 

“So that’s the story of Passover,” Logan said, “How is it celebrated?” 

“Well, it’s celebrated for eight days,” Virgil explained, “Seven if you’re in Israel. But here in America, it’s eight. On the first night of Passover, Jewish families have a Passover seder, which is a big dinner where we pray and sing, and we tell stories from a book called the Haggadah. All families celebrate a little differently, but for the most part, we do that stuff. I remember when I was little, my mom would always give me a sip of her wine.”

“Damn, just a sip?” Remus asked with a little laugh, “Shoulda given you a whole cup. Imagine a drunk little Virgil stumbling around.” 

“That would have been cool,” Virgil admitted, “Me and my cousins would drink grape juice and pretend to be drunk. After all the serious stuff was over, of course. A big part of Passover is discussing current events. Unfortunately, most places in the world aren’t very Jew-friendly. Even here in America, there are a lot of hate crimes. Actually…” 

Roman noticed with horror that Virgil was getting teary-eyed. 

“Virgil?” Logan asked quietly, “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m sorry,” Virgil said, trying to wipe away his tears before they fell, “This is hard to talk about. The synagogue that my family went to when I was a kid before I moved here, it- a few years ago- it- it got burnt down.” 

“Burnt down,” Janus realized, “As in…someone did it. On purpose.” 

Virgil nodded, his eyes completely downcast. He was crying, but his face was hardened, almost angry. But not quite. He seemed too sad to be angry. 

“All the drawings the kids made. All the food that people donated. All the copies of the Torah,” he whispered, “It was all gone in one night. My parents still can’t talk about it without crying. I guess I can’t either.” 

“I’ve never heard of anyone burning down a religious building like that,” Patton said softly, “That’s horrible.” 

“Yeah? That’s cuz they don’t burn down your stuff,” Janus said quietly, putting a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, “I’m sorry, Virgil. You…don’t deserve that. Nobody deserves that. No matter what.” 

“Don’t let me stop you from continuing the competition,” Virgil said, “Remus, I wanna hear about yours. What is this one day that can get Roman to shut up?” 

“Do we really have to bring that joke back?” Roman asked, too amused to be sore. 

“Well, the night I was talking about, Layat Al-Qadr, is just one night of Ramadan,” Remus started to explain, “Ramadan’s actually about a month long.” 

“A whole month?” Logan asked, “Wow. That’s a lot longer than Easter and Passover.” 

“Not if you count Lent,” Patton pointed out. 

“Layat Al-Qadr is the 27th day of Ramadan,” Roman continued, “And you pray the whole entire night, pretty much. We ask Allah to forgive us for the mistakes we made, and we hope that he says yes.” 

“How do you know if he says yes?” Logan asked, tilting his head slightly. 

Roman shrugged. “You don’t. That’s why you have to believe.” 

“That sounds kinda boring, praying for the whole night,” Janus admitted, “Is that seriously the only thing you do?” 

“I was worried it would be boring too,” Roman admitted, “But it’s actually really cool. You’d be surprised how therapeutic it is. It feels nice, talking to someone who you know will always listen. Reflecting on all the stuff you did, and figuring out how to do better without worrying about anyone getting mad at you or hating you.” 

“And we also have iftar,” Remus said, “It’s like a giant meal, and we get to spend time with family while breaking our fast.” 

“Wait, wait- you fast?” Virgil asked, “For an entire month?” 

“It’s not so bad,” Remus shrugged, “Especially because we have iftar, and we usually eat a little bit in the morning. Breaking the fast together as a family during iftar is cool, because, like, everybody’s breaking it at the same time. So it’s like- we all are hungry together, and then we all become satisfied together. It’s pretty cool.” 

“We also have five prayers that we say every day,” Roman added, “Along with an extra one at night. The prayers are the really important part because it’s so traditional. It’s been done for so many years before us, it’s like…passing down a torch. We don’t want to forget about it. So we do it to honor the people before us, so that hopefully, the people after us have something in common with us when they celebrate Ramadan.” 

“Well, when you explain it like that, it sounds really cool,” Virgil admitted. 

“I used to think prayer was weird, and kinda culty,” Janus mumbled, clearly a bit ashamed, “But…it actually sounds awesome. Mindful, you know?” 

“Wait, where does Ramadan come from anyway?” Patton asked, “Like the fasting and the praying. Who started it?” 

“It was started by the Prophet Muhammad,” Roman said eagerly, “He’s this really cool guy who told us what Allah wanted for the Muslim people. And Ramadan is the month on the Muslim calendar where Muhammad found the Quran, which is our holy book. It’s sort of like Patton’s bible and Virgil’s Torah.” 

“Oh, gotcha,” Patton said. 

“To be more specific, it’s the ninth month of our calendar,” Remus said, “But also, it depends on the moon. It’s like a thing. To try and spot the Ramadan moon. Roman and I did it a few times when we were younger.” 

“It’s hard to do it now,” Roman said, “There’s so much artificial light in this city. But once it’s high enough in the sky, we can see it great. It’s so cool, feeling like you discovered something.” 

“And we fast because Muhammad told us to, basically,” Remus said, “It’s one of the five pillars of Islam, fasting during Ramadan. And like Roman said, the Muslim people have done it for thousands and thousands of years. So it feels really awesome to continue it today. Even if it leaves us a little hungry and cranky sometimes.” 

“You guys should come to iftar sometime,” Roman said, “A bunch of our Muslim friends and us all come together and eat and talk and laugh, and just enjoy each other’s company.” 

“It sounds amazing,” Virgil said, “Kinda like Passover seder.” 

Remus nudged Virgil gently, smiling over at him. 

“Hey, yeah!” he said. 

“And Easter Sunday!” Patton piped up. 

“Maybe all our events have more in common than we think,” Roman said, “I mean, all of them have cool stories, and big dinners, and just…that festive attitude. That feeling of carrying on a tradition that’s so much bigger than yourself.” 

“Do we even need a vote, then?” Logan asked, “I don’t know what to vote for. All of those events sound lovely.” 

“I agree,” Janus said, “Maybe we can vote on something else. Like what movie to watch tonight?” 

“I vote The Prince Of Egypt!” Roman cried out, “Virgil made me think about it, and now all the songs are in my head!” 

“Oh! I’ll make some egg salad for dinner!” Patton said, “It’s the 21st century, we’re allowed to eat eggs during Lent now!” 

“Maybe I’ll bring in the leftover date cookies from yesterday’s iftar,” Remus said. 

“Yes, those are so good!” Roman agreed, “And I wrapped them in foil, so they should still taste fresh!” 

Virgil smiled and closed his eyes, wiping away his residual tears gently as he listened to his friends ramble and scramble to celebrate together. Maybe tonight, this strange amalgamation of Easter, Ramadan, and Passover, the mutual respect and admiration for these three holidays, was their most important event of the springtime.

--

(i hope you all enjoyed this fic!! during times like these especially, it is so important to remember that every religion is beautiful and valid, and every religious holiday ought to be respected! now, i am not catholic, christian, muslim, or jewish. i wrote about these holidays after doing extensive research from multiple sources for each, but if i got anything wrong, please please let me know and i will correct it to the best of my ability. i promise i want to learn and grow, just like these guys, so if something is inaccurate, please tell me if you feel so inclined, and i will take what you say into account!!)

(have an amazing spring, no matter what you celebrate!!)

[pencilpat]

Sanders Sides: College AU - Part 7

Part 1 | Previous Part

“I meant it when I said I wouldn’t mind being your weirdo forever, y’know,” Remus says quietly. “Whatever that means, I want that.”

Janus squeezes his calf and stares up at her water-stained ceiling. “Well, if that’s the truth, then you’re not going to be weird alone, at least there’s that. Fuck it, I’ll be your weirdo forever too.”

“You may now kiss the bride,” Remus says jokingly. It makes them both laugh, even if it’s not entirely a joke[...]

We see a brief moment in a long friendship. Virgil has a bad day. Patton lies and then realizes they can't for much longer. Janus and Remus have a good day, and maybe a good... forever. Whatever 'forever' means in college.

[CW: manipulation, implied homelessness, panic-induced dissociation, lying to friend/partner, gender dysphoria]

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Remus lays upside down on the concrete barrier separating the school’s flower garden and the sidewalk boredly. He’s chewing gum sloppily, biting off tiny chunks from the whole and spitting them onto the concrete so that students will step in it.

“Ugh, nasty,” his friend Janus speaks beside him, her face both grossed out and amused with her lips quirked upward. Remus snorts out a laugh and turns around, laying on his back on the rough stone. Janus is barely focusing on a book. If she were to be honest, which she hardly ever does, she would tell her friend that she hasn’t showered in four days or eaten anything but school food in probably weeks, and it is making her book feel quite insignificant. But some dry shampoo and loose-fitting clothing hide those secrets plenty well.

In the building, the final bell for the day rings and the high school kids begin filtering out of the building to the buses and the student pick-up area. Remus and Janus try to look distracted and unapproachable so that, with any luck, everyone leaves them alone like the freaks they are. However, the only two other students who they do not want to be left alone by exit the doors and begin walking up to them.

Roman is already huffing and puffing before he gets to them. “You guys skipped again, didn’t you!” he accuses.

“No, Roman, we were just faster than you,” Janus soothes falsely, and Remus nods along with a wide grin. Their other friend, Virgil, shifts his bookbag on his shoulder nervously and darts his eyes between everyone, undoubtedly trying to decide if he should allow the two to lie to Roman. A slight raise of Janus’s eyebrow keeps him silent, looking at his shoes.

Roman sighs exaggeratedly. “Okay, fine, fine. Just don’t worry me like that!” He pulls out a brand-new mobile phone, the bedazzled red case making Remus and Virgil exchange a silly glance to secretly tease him. “Anyways, we need to get going if we’re going to beat dinner rush,” he says, starting off towards the parking lot with a wave of his hand. The other three follow behind like sheep to a herding dog, with a few grumbles and eye rolls at being made to move quickly.

Virgil and Janus hop into Janus’s car while the twins both get into Roman’s sleek sports car, much too expensive for a new driver 11th grader to have. Remus makes a face through the window at Janus, who lets out an uncharacteristic snort of a laugh, before clearing her throat and pretending that it didn’t happen as she pulls out of the parking lot. Virgil puts up the hood of his hoodie, the hand-stitched patches across it making him perhaps not as unnoticeable as he would like to be.

“Stupid fancy car,” Virgil mutters as they follow just behind Roman. Janus hums, smiling just slightly.

“Honestly, I don’t think you’d guess our cars were even together. But you know how it is with rich men and their incessant need to gloat their egos about.”

Virgil chuckles, tugging his hood lower to block out the sun as he leans against the window. “I mean, at least we get paid-for dinners as often as we’d like.”

“Oh, how grand and kind of the lovely princes to pay for commoner’s bread and butter!” Janus teases. They both giggle and settle into a comfortable silence. Virgil’s comfort is only interrupted by his usual glances towards the two duffle bags and sleeping bag poorly hidden in the back of her car. Also as usual, he says nothing about it and keeps his thoughts quiet for fear of upsetting her. Upsetting Janus is never a good option. It usually results in either weeks of silence towards him or even being yelled at if it was too egregious an offence.

At their group’s favorite Greek restaurant their cars meet up, parking right next to each other. Remus throws his (much larger) body against Virgil’s back, forcing him to hold up his weight. “Oh, I missed you two soooo much!” he says through a grin. “It may as well have been eighty years!”

Virgil makes a growling sound at him, barely holding him up. “Get off of me, idiot!” he says, though he is also smiling. Remus laughs, a high-pitched cackle of a noise, and picks himself up. Janus and Roman stare on with varying levels of amusement.

“Alright, enough goofing about, I am beyond hungry!” Roman declares, turning and walking towards the door. The other three follow once again, snickering.

They sit at a table in the back corner, a booth, with Janus and Virgil on one side and the twins on the other. The menus are large and everyone fights for space lightheartedly. Janus chuckles and Virgil hums at her. “Oh, it’s just funny that we go here so often even though not a single one of us is Greek even in the slightest, it’s ironic considering both Indian, Asian, and all South American food is, you know, fucking delicious,” she jokes, drawing a smirk and a roll of his eyes from Virgil. Janus looks over the menu. “I’ll order for you,” she whispers to him. “You know you just hate speaking to strangers,” she coaches. Virgil nods, face falling straight with a slight blush of embarrassment, feeling just a tad pathetic. He puts up his hood and sinks down slightly in his seat.

The twins both order gyros, as well as Remus ordering dolmadakis, which Roman makes a grossed-out face about. Janus orders courgette balls and a salad for herself, and keftethes for Virgil to start with. Remus then pipes up and gets himself a coffee, which Roman scolds him for after the waiter leaves; “at 5 p.m. Remus, really?!”  

Virgil is fidgeting with his hoodie strings absentmindedly when Janus’s gloved hand touches his. He jolts and looks at her. “Is something wrong?” she tests, and though her face is straight, Virgil can sense that there’s ulterior meaning to the question even if he doesn’t know what it is.

“Uh- no, I’m good. I’m good.”

She hums. “You just looked anxious-“

“No, yeah, I’m good,” Virgil nods, giving a weak thumbs up. Janus smiles at him a tad too warmly, then turns to join the conversation with the twins.

“I’m telling you Remus, drinking six cups of coffee a day is ridiculous, there’s something wrong wrong with you,” Roman bites at him.

Remus laughs, very loudly for such a small space, causing other diners to glance at their table. “Roman you already knew there was shit wrong with me, don’t pretend,” he says shoving Roman’s arm. Roman shoves back at him, until they’re all but wrestling in the booth.

“The way I see it, speaking objectively, there is shit severely wrong with both of you,” Janus teases casually, leaning on her arm. Hungry and in a lot of physical discomfort in general, she subtly rubs the fabric of her gloves against her cheek, the stim calming her into a small sigh. Virgil glances at her and she nods at him to tell that she’s fine. Happy, even, Virgil, so don’t ask her again.

The food comes and they dig in heartily, all chatting in circles and laughing. The dinner passes fast, and before they know it Roman is paying with their parents’ card and ushering everyone outside. Roman says goodbye a tad dramatically with a bow, and Remus dramatically hugs Janus goodbye, bowing and kissing both her and Virgil’s hands to tease Roman. They all share some final giggles, and part back into the separate cars.

Virgil buckles in as Janus starts the car to drive him home. “So,” he speaks, voice cracking just slightly. “Will your parents be upset about you ruining your dinner or-“

“Virgil,” Janus says sharply, a warning in her voice. Virgil flinches and draws back. Janus sighs. “My parent’s opinions don’t matter, there’s no need to worry about me.” She shoots him a comforting smile in his peripheral, and he nods tautly.

Janus pulls out of the parking lot, sighing, happy to have actually eaten nicely, Virgil’s attempts at prying not spoiling her mood. Virgil sighs as well, subconsciously mimicking her calm mood. When they get to his house, his mothers have left the porch light on for him, and he can see one of them watching T.V. just inside the front window. He hesitates in her car, hand half outstretched to the door handle.

“Janus?”

“Yes, Virgil?”

He glances towards the back of her car one more time, but he doesn’t have enough nerve. “Nothing. Just- Have a good night, okay?”

“Okay,” she says softly, touching his hand with her gloved fingers. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She says it as a statement not a question, even though it’s a Friday, so Virgil nods, and he gets out of her car. He watches her leave from his porch, sucks in a deep, deep breath, and slinks guiltily into his warm, happy home.

 --

“Virgil?”

Someone is calling his name, but it’s not yet loud enough to pull him out of his dazed stare, still adrift in his memories with his eyes blurrily fixed on a phone with a food delivery app open that was placed in his hand. He’s just barely registering the food names, chewing his lip roughly.

“Virge!” Roman says again, at a shout this time.

“Huh- whu?” Virgil shakes his head and blinks hard to refocus his eyes. They settle on Roman’s own, right in front of his face. “Oh, sorry. What are we doing?”

“Getting food? Are you okay?” Roman quirks his head at him, frowning.

Virgil tries to block out the memories he was having, taking in a deep breath. “I’m okay, yeah.” His lips press together tightly when he looks at the screen. “Can we… not do Greek food?”

Roman nods in immediate understanding, taking his phone and going back outside of the bedroom to Patton for the two of them to choose new foods. Patton makes a small noise of confusion when he reappears so quickly, tilting their head at him.

Roman sighs, plopping down onto the couch heavily. “Something’s up with Virgil, 100%.”

“Oh? What do you mean?”

Roman pinches his lips together, side-eyeing his friend. "I don't know," he lies. "Have you noticed anything?"

"No, maybe just some extra anxious thinking," Patton hums.

Roman's lips squeeze thinner together, alarmed that Patton hasn’t noticed the changes in their own partner’s demeanor, and he licks them to steady himself. "Virgil has been worried about you, I've noticed. He says you've been kind of... distant. Gone most of the time and not spending time with him."

Patton's eyes widen, and they bite their lip, not looking at Roman. "What are you um.. saying?"

"Nothing, bud!" Roman suddenly tries to course correct. "I wasn't trying to imply things."

"Okay," Patton says, putting on a tone of upset suspicion. They need to throw him off somehow, it can't become a common thing to question where they are or they'll end up having to admit to the drinking and sneaking out. Which they absolutely cannot do. "Roman, I'm- You wouldn't think I would lie to him or- or cheat on him, do you?" They let their eyes tear up, touching his leg.

Roman blinks at them, mouth hanging open for a moment. "Pat, no, of course not."

"O-okay," Patton sniffles. "I'm just… under a lot of stress. I didn't realize Virgil was upset with me."

"Oh, he's not! He's not upset, Patton," Roman says, frowning as the suspicion turns to concern. Thankfully. "Virgil has been struggling too and I think you- You sort of accidentally made each other nervous is all?" Roman suggests.

Patton nods, faux wiping at their eyes a bit. "As long as he's not upset." And they mean that part genuinely, even if they are making secret friends and behaving so recklessly, making Virgil upset would make them feel horrible.

"Of course he's not, you're okay. Do you need me to tell him you've been struggling? If it's the depression or the OCD I can call your psychiatrist for you, even."

Patton closes their eyes and lays against Roman's shoulder. "No, I can make the appointments. I- I should do that anyway. Roman, you're a very good friend."

Roman feels warmth in his chest and he smiles, proud of himself. "Aw, anything for you, puffball," he jokes, bumping his shoulder into them. "Anyway, we need to choose a different place for food! Virgil was upset when I went in and asked for no Greek." Patton nods and takes the phone. They feel a worm of guilt in their stomach over Virgil being upset.

"How about I go take the phone to him?" Patton suggests. Roman waves for them to do so. They go to their bedroom, and find Virgil on his stomach under his dark purple weighted blanket.

"Need some more weight, shadow?" they call out to him. He looks up to them miserably and nods. Patton lays their chest along his back, half on the bed half off. Virgil sighs pleasantly, which makes Patton giggle. "What sort of food did you want? Roman told me you said no Greek, why so?"

Virgil sighs shakily. "Bad memories. We... we ate it a lot in high school, the friend group." 'The' friend group, as though separating himself from it, Patton notes. "I was on a thought loop about it all, couldn't get myself to calm down and ended up spacing out. I- I don't know, I could feel her gloves on my arm and stuff. Not good."

"Gloves?" Patton says. "I thought the friend group was here, not in Minnesota."

"Oh, she would always wear them no matter the weather. I dunno, probably a thing with the vitiligo, like how Roman wears them. He gave the idea to her back then."

"Janus had- had vitiligo, and wore gloves?" They feel their heartbeat skip, eyebrows furrowing up.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I know I never tell you anything about her. Just too upsetting." Virgil's chest rises and falls heavily under them. Patton doesn't reply, as the nickname of 'J' on such a similar looking woman turns their gut. J initial, vitligo, gloves. J initial, vitiligo, gloves. There's hardly been anyone Patton's met that fits all three at once. "Anyway, uh, food." Virgil moves under them and they sit up to allow him to turn around before distantly laying against his chest instead, handing Roman's phone to him. J, vitiligo, gloves. Did she know, somehow, or is this town just tiny - is this a scheme or pure coincidence?

"Pat, bluebell?" Virgil looks at them with a frown, turning their face to meet his eyes.

"Sorry-" Patton blinks heavily to draw themselves to the present moment. "I'm more tired than I realized, I think. Hungry still, though!" They laugh and thankfully Virgil smiles at them and playfully rolls his eyes. believing them fully as always.

"Yeah? How about Anne's? You feeling up for some chicken and pizza?"

"You know it," they say, a bit more breathless and exhausted than they would like to hear their own voice ever sound again.

--

Not for the first time since he moved in with her, Janus wakes up in Remus’s bed, with him on the floor of the kitchen. She brushes hair out of her face, blinking in discomfort as she realizes she fell asleep without removing her contacts or even her daytime clothes. They watched movies til the late hours again, and Remus never moves her once she’s asleep. She groans with pain as she sits up; the couch bed really is just awful. She glances over his lower half peeking from behind the island, questioning how he’s been doing it for a month and a half now. She immediately takes out both of the contacts, just in case. Janus gets up, wobbling on her sticks of legs. “Remus,” she says, kicking his leg. “Remus get up.”

Remus snorts awake, blinking at her in the light. “H-whuh?” he says, intelligently. Janus smirks despite herself. His hair is twice as messy as usual.

“We’re going to get breakfast or coffee somewhere, get up.”

Remus sits up, cracking his back with his hands. “Ughhhh, why? You’ve never wanted to go anywhere with me. Even in highschool.” He says it as a fact rather than something he’s insulted by, but Janus bites the inside of her cheek with guilt anyhow.

“Well, I guess you must be special. Enough to be worth my social time and effort.” She examines her nails as though disinterested in him, but he is too busy beaming with a smile as he wakes further to notice.

“Sweet! Fuck yeah! I’m paying,” he says, shimmying to his feet and running around to gather a proper outfit.

“Uh, no, we can both just pay for our own.”

“Janussss!” he whines at her, frowning. “Lemme pay, just one time, please?” He flashes her with very big, watery eyes that she knows are fake, but can’t help listening to anyway. She doesn’t need his money, but… he just doesn’t stop offering. So, she reasons with herself that she’ll have to let him pay eventually, and it may as well be now. She rolls her eyes with a smile.

“Fine. Once.”

Remus cackles with victory and begins undressing, uncaring that she’s here. She feels her cheeks darken with blush despite herself. “Oh, you have way more tattoos than I thought,” she says, trying to keep a breathless tone out of her voice with a more casual topic.

Remus pauses and straightens up to show them off, hands on his hips. There are the typical ones on his arms that she’s seen before, obscene jokes. “Fisting record” in between two solid black lines all the way on his shoulder, the barbed wire above it, and a pair of actual scissors ‘scissoring’. There’s a line of black barbed wire along his collar bone that must’ve hurt like a bitch to get, but that’s just the start. There are two matching barking dogs on each of his hips, and the word ‘wild’ between them on his lower stomach in a cringe inducingly intense font. On his chest and stomach are dotted lines like markings made before a vivisection to guide the scalpel. There’s a large rose on the muscle of one of his pectorals, black with a green thorned stem that traces a circle around his nipple. A butterfly in a particular style on one part of his stomach, most likely a symbol of sorts though one Janus doesn’t recognize. The rest of his stomach is dotted with very amateur looking, upside down stick and poke tattoos. And that’s just the ones on his front side.

“Aren’t they sick as fuck?” Remus smiles, his full teeth showing with the amount of pride he seems to have over them.

Janus clears her throat with a cough. “Yeah, they look very nice.”

“Wanna touch em?”

“Remus, what?” Janus laughs. ”I have tattoos too, they don’t feel any different than skin.”

“You have tattoos and didn’t tell me?!”

“Yes, only two,” she sighs. “They’re kind of known for being expensive, and, well-”

“Show me, show me!” he begs, running over to her and touching her arms. She tries not to let her breathing stutter at him, mostly-naked, feeling just fine to run up and touch her.

“Are you subtly asking me to strip, Carmona?”

“Huh? No, I wouldn’t do that subtly if I was going to!” he says, tone cheeky but honest.

Janus sighs and, thankful to at least still have on a bra right now, pulls up her sweater to show them. “There’s a moth on my hipbone, see, and there’s a snake along my chest. That’s all.” She lowers her shirt to his intense gaze. “Can we refocus on getting food? I’m starving.”

“Right!” Remus says, turning around to hide just how flustered seeing her chest made him. He for once realizes that his nudity might be affecting someone, seeing as her just pulling up her shirt has gotten him so embarrassed. “Where you wanna go?”

“There’s a diner a mile or two away, it’d be a few minutes driving. They’re very stereotypically American but I wouldn’t be one to say no to well-made breakfast food and burgers.”

Remus has pulled on a shirt, a ratty looking band t-shirt specifically, one that she thinks he might’ve had since high school, and cargo pants by the time she finishes the sentence. “I wouldn’t be one either, let’s go!” He grabs her wrist and starts to tug towards the door.

“Remus, wait, I need my glasses, some gloves and probably to change too, I slept in this.”

Remus pauses looking at her. “You look fine though? I don’t see anything wrong with it, you wear that or a similar sweater like every day anyway.”

“Gloves,” she insists, her voice a bit more desperate than she would like it to sound.

Remus pauses, taking both of her bare hands in his. “Jan, look,” he says, gesturing to their hands. She does look, taking in both of their hands splotched by paler patches. “Nothing to be ashamed over, ok?” he promises. “If anyone said anything I’d kick their ass.”

Janus takes a breath in, eyes closing. “I- I can’t, I’m sorry.” She pulls away her hands and walks to her room to grab a pair of her gloves, leaving a slightly dejected looking Remus behind. In her room she stares at her skin, breathing uneven. It’s not that a skin condition should cause, well, anyone shame, it’s that it’s her skin. It’s her. She doesn’t really like any part of her appearance, and that includes the largest visible organ she was saddled with. The vanity mirror catches her face, and she tries to not look at how square her jaw is or thick her eyebrows are or how covered by the uneven coloration she is or how ugly she is without some makeup to feminize her- Catching herself being so needlessly hateful to herself embarrasses her and she shakes her head out, leaving the room and the mirror behind while barely remembering to grab her glasses. Whatever, Remus was always there to make her look better by comparison anyway, she thinks bitterly.

They get into Remus’s truck without many more words exchanged, and Janus leans on the window when they begin to drive after putting the location into Remus’s GPS. Remus looks at her from the corner of his eyes, chewing on his lip and biting skin off of it. She looks so normal, and he doesn’t understand it. She’s so averagely dressed, and so pretty, the only outwardly odd thing to him being her dyed hair, which is cool! She should love how she looks! But he always felt that way about Roman too, and he acts the same over being seen naked or gloveless. Maybe he should get it, being that he has a skin condition too, but he just doesn’t. Uniqueness like theirs is only beautiful to him, and he’s always considered it rather stupid to think otherwise.

“Hey, Janus?” he asks, breaking the quiet.

“Mmh?”

“Why do people think being weird is a bad thing?”

Janus blinks at him, unsure of the right answer to that. “Well, uh… Humans aren’t very nice to each other even among basic bitches, so there’s even more likeliness if there’s specific things to pick on you for – things that stand out, good or bad.”

“Yeah but- but why?!” Remus’s fingers drum on his steering wheel, his face creasing, with worry or anger he’s not certain. “It’s just- It’s stupid to me! Being different is just a fact, like, every single human is different! We’re not clones or mass-produced dolls.”

“People don’t really see it that way, Remus,” she sighs. “Humans tend to group together based on sameness just on an instinctive and community-based level. In group and outsiders.”

“That’s such culty shit though, and not the cool movie kind.”

“It’s just cliques, tribes, groups, packs, herds – community. It’s normal for more species than just people.”

“People are the only ones who are so smart yet act so fucking dumb about it!” he says, seeming more annoyed than angry. “Like animals beating the shit out of each other just happens because they’re entirely instinct and survival based - humans aren’t that! We’ve got so much brain power being used on nothing.”

“People are just like that,” she says.

“People like hurting each other, I know that,” he grumbles. “People have always liked hurting me because I’m so different and weird, and I am different and weird, so they’re right, I guess. I know people just wanna hurt me and laugh at me at this point. People like hurting weirdos even when it’s not right,” he says. Janus feels something painful rising in her chest at how… casually he’s saying this, like they’re factual statements rather than the opinions of assholes. “But I just feel like it makes no sense, to me myself and I.”

He sighs. “Like you, you’re the prettiest most normal looking person ever,” Janus feels her cheeks get hot as he continues, “but because of, what, a skin condition? You’re weird? We both got bullied like crazy even though you’re gorgeous and I’m hot as fuck! They shouldn’t do that to you!”

“They shouldn’t do that to you,” she snaps in agreement, coming out sadder than she intended. “You’re not a weirdo. You’re right, it makes no sense. It- it makes no sense.” She wipes at her face and looks at the floor of his car.

He touches her shoulder, though he’s no longer looking at her. “Glad we agree on that, at least,” he laughs, high and subtly strained, squeezing at her. He pulls the car into the parking lot the GPS tells him to, parking and slapping his own legs, smiling at her. “Let’s go eat, mkay? Anything you want, it’s how I’ll make up for rent since I’ve been here bothering you so long.”

“Remus, you’re not-“

He gets out of the car before she continues, and she huffs and tries to follow him, cursing and struggling to right herself in her crutches from how high his truck is. He seems to notice at the door, and rushes back over to her, reaching to help. She groans, frustrated by herself and her body and her inability to comfort him and fix it for him and be a good person and- and-

“Janus, hey, breathe,” he suddenly mutters at her, his hand brushing her hair out of where it had become stuck to her lip. She looks up at him and he’s frowning in sympathy for her – for her as though he’s not the one clearly hurting so much. She feels herself drawing back to snap at him or reply to the help angrily, but it deflates from her chest before it leaves, her head slumping on his shoulder for a second. He seems unsure of how to respond to that, just going still and letting her rest there.

“You’re smarter than most humans, Remus,” she says quietly by his ear. “Smarter, nicer, and cooler, too.”

Remus chuckles, nervous, patting her back. “Aw, Janus, there’s no need for all that. Let’s just go eat. You said they have food you like, let me buy it for you. You deserve it now especially, complimenting me all sweet.” He helps her get into her crutches more securely, and she silently lets him take her inside.

Both feel better as their meal goes on, talking about nothing at all yet such important things. The food is fatty and filling and salty, which Remus will not stop complimenting, and Janus laughs. She laughs so much around him, more than she has her entire life. She keeps trying to thank him for that, to somehow say it without having to say it – but as she’s driven home with a full stomach, finally fully having let him pay for her and take care of her, even if a small amount, she realizes that it must be said.

“Thank you, Remus,” she says to him.

He hums distractedly, half glancing at her as he drives.

“Thank you. For- for-“ she shuts her eyes, and tries to force words out of her mouth even though her brain wants to shut them down. “Thank you for being here. Making me laugh and trying to make me feel good. Just- You’re so-“ She feels her eyes watering, and looks fully over to him, finding him watching her much more than the road. “You’re a really good person. A really good- good- I- Thank you.”

Remus tries to keep a neutral face and fit with her serious tone, but he can’t help the small bewildered smile that does escape him. It’s the most honest tone he’s ever heard her use, in high school or now. It gives him butterflies and makes him nauseous and makes him happy and sad and every emotion at once. “Janus-“ he lets a tiny laugh out, his chest shaking slightly. “What are you saying right now, you’re acting funny.”

She touches his arm, and he realizes one of her gloves is off. She takes his hand, and they look like they belong there, together. But she can’t say what she wants to, because she doesn’t fully want it to be what she wants. Remus has stopped at a stop sign, and he just stares back at her. Gazes locked and not doing or saying anything but breathing. Janus leans, and pulls him into a hug across the empty middle seat. She hears him exhales beside her ear, and then he hugs back, tightly, gripping his fingers into her sweater.

They just sit there until cars come behind the truck and begin to honk at them, and Remus lets go with a laugh as he rolls down his window and flips the other car off before speeding forward. Janus notices the light hit wetness on his cheeks as she wipes it from her own as well. “Let’s get home,” Remus says, shaking his head and grinning. Home, Janus thinks as she lays back against the window and shuts her eyes. Not just 'Janus's shitty empty apartment' – home.

Remus flops face first on the couch bed when they do get there, Janus pausing at the door to put away her crutches. She doesn’t go to her room, though. She lays down facing the opposite direction on Remus’s bed, their feet and heads on opposite ends. Remus flops his arm over her legs, and when he does, she touches his legs as well.

“I meant it when I said I wouldn’t mind being your weirdo forever, y’know,” Remus says quietly. “Whatever that means, I want that.”

Janus squeezes his calf and stares up at her water-stained ceiling. “Well, if that’s the truth, then you’re not going to be weird alone, at least there’s that. Fuck it, I’ll be your weirdo forever too.”

“You may now kiss the bride,” Remus says jokingly. It makes them both laugh, even if it’s not entirely a joke. Whatever. They have forever to figure it out, after all.

[oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat]

Invisibility vs Visibility

Theory Time!

A shorter theory because brain is low on braincells. Enjoy :D

Edit: haha, nope. Not short. It is, in fact, very long. Biggo post. Extra long motherf*cker. Giraffe-long theory we've got here.

Disclaimer: I am referring to the character Thomas Sanders, not the real person. I may make reference to the real person for a few different things, but the main one I will be discussing is the character.

Trigger/Content Warning: discussion of morals/morality, religious themes, discussion of intrusive thoughts, brief discussion of self-harm & grief/death

[Masterlist]

Thinking about the 5 Years Anniversary video, and how Remus mentions whispering the whole 'bubblegum shrimp' thing to Roman in his sleep. Then, I thought about how in Remus' introductory video (DWIT), there's the sticky note that says "Aunt Patty Naked" in the background. I remember how Roman had said the whole 'Aunt Patty Naked' thing in a previous video.

Which got me thinking: what if some of Roman's weirder outbursts were from Remus' influence?

And that got me thinking: but how would he be able to whisper things like that during a video? And before his introduction??

One answer: twin telepathy, which would be both funny and fun to mess around with as a fanfic writer.

However, I thought of something else.

What if the Sides had an Invisibility side effect?

I'll explain.

===

A. Imaginary Characters

The Sides are all imaginary characters, made of Thomas' psyche to better help him through dilemmas. They're all aware of being technically-real-but-also-not-real people. Metaphysical, as Logan might say.

They're just parts of Thomas, given specific roles to what they represent. Originating from Vine characters and turned into their own personas, sans Remus and Janus. They're fictional. They are aware of them not being entirely real, to some degree (the dark Sides moreso as they constantly break the fourth wall).

So, how would the imaginary appear on screen as if they were real?

Ignoring the fact that they're fictional and played by Thomas himself. We're focusing entirely on the Sanders Sides canonverse/Sanders Sides universe.

Anyway: they appear on screen like real people because it's Thomas' knowledge and awareness of them. They're Thomas' Sides. They're as real to him as the parts of his personality they're based on. It's his psyche, his imagination, his characters. As long as Thomas is aware of them, they appear on screen and become somewhat real (in the SaSi universe).

To prove my point: remember the first and only three Sides we saw visibly for the first two episodes?

Logan (Logic, Sense of Reason), Roman (Creativity, Passion, Ego), and Patton (Morality, Emotions/the Heart).

The "light" Sides, as they're called.

Why are they the only three on screen? Because Thomas is aware of them and already knows about them.

Just because the Others aren't seen doesn't mean they aren't there.

They're just not known to Thomas yet, sans maybe Virgil.

(he's a special case; you'll see what I mean a little later into the post)

-=-=-=-=-

B. The Lights & Being Visible

The Lights: Logan, Patton, Roman

Thomas knows these three the most out of the six of them. The Lights are the ones in the forefront of his mind, in the 'spotlight'. They're the ones labelled as 'welcomed' and 'good'.

Logic and Sense of Reasoning? Humans have Logic instilled in them since the beginning of their creation. Logic isn't just intellect and smarts, it's literally what helps the brain most when functioning a human being. It's something so physical that it'll never go away. It cannot fade away. It's there to stay.

That being said, it's still a part of personalities because it's also intellect and smarts. It's also Common Sense. It's Learning and Wisdom and all that entails.

Thomas is a very smart individual. He's neurodivergent (irl Thomas literally has ADHD and made a whole video about it). Neurodivergents (NDs) tend to have a higher intelligence. So yeah, Thomas is very intelligent and curious. He depends on his Logic for a whole sh*t-ton of things. He's used to Logan, his Logic.

Morality and Emotions/the Heart? Morals are such an important part of humans and their values. Emotions are something we can't always control. Our Heart and Morality goes hand in hand. Our morals can shape our heart and vice versa. Both are equally important.

Thomas has a big Heart. He feels things and Emotions very deeply. He's a sensitive person. Dare I say, he's an empath. His morals lay heavy on his Heart. Because of his Catholic upbringing, his Morality tends to follow that of a religious standpoint. And that affects how his Heart grew and got shaped during his childhood development.

Since Patton is also his Love for Dad Jokes, and an obvious dad character, it makes sense for him. Morality and morals? Well, who teaches you morals, right from wrong? Your parents do. The people who raise you do. So yeah, Patton has this Preacher Dad thing going on. But I digress.

Anyway: Thomas is used to Patton. He's the embodiment of some of his core beliefs. So yeah, definitely a Side he's well aware of.

Creativity, Passion, Ego? So many things to tackle here.

First off, Creativity is literally where a lot of his intelligence comes from. Thomas is a creative type, a creatively intelligent person. He made his entire livelihood based on his creative merits. Though only half of his Creativity, Roman is definitely an important character of Thomas' personality.

Passion means many things: romance, career/hobbies, creative passion, and just a whole lot more. Since Roman is definitely one of the gayest motherf*ckers in terms to romance, it's safe to say him being Thomas' Passion means a lot of different things. He plays a big part in Thomas' romantic love life. He's passionate about his creations, as Creativity, and what he provides for Thomas. He's passionate and dramatic in general, especially considering he represents most of Thomas' love for theatre and acting.

The Ego? Oh boy, is this an essential part to Thomas. The Ego, put simply, is a person's sense of self-worth and self-esteem. It's kept healthy by positive reinforcement and attention. It's in no way bad. In fact, it's a very good thing. It keeps peoples' mental states healthier.

Which explains c!Thomas' mental breakdown, but I digress.

Anyway: The Ego (aka: Roman) is super f*cking important and essential. Thomas knows Roman as the Ego (amongst other things). He's very much used to his Ego, his [family-friendly half of] Creativity, his Passion and romantic Side.

Thus: yes, these three are known enough by Thomas to be appearing on screen. They're visible to us because they're visible to Thomas.

Which explains the dark Sides (and Virgil).

-=-=-=-=-

C. The Darks & Invisibility

The Darks: Janus, Remus, Orange

As I mentioned above: the Lights are visible to us because they're visible to Thomas, known by Thomas.

So, it follows that because Thomas doesn't know the Darks until later, they aren't visible to us until they're visible to Thomas.

Deceit and Self-Preservation? Deceit/Deception and realizing your capacity for it is very important. Lying and deceiving others isn't exactly the best thing on its own, but it can keep you alive. It's a part of emotional/physical survival. It keeps you out of trouble. It can help protect your being and Self. Self-Preservation is, put simply, preserving your Self and your sense of Self. It's protecting your mental and emotional health. It's protecting your Ego and self-worth. It's keeping you alive, trying to preserve your mental state. It's trying to keep you from snapping and completely losing it. Self-Preservation will keep things from you because you aren't ready for them yet, because forgotten memories hurt you, because you need to be in a different place to handle certain things better. Having Deceit and Self-Preservation paired together makes more sense than not.

For Thomas, I'd say he had a lot of Deceit going on for the purpose of Self-Preservation and protection. Especially considering he grew up as a gay Catholic kid in 90s Florida. And thus is a similar experience for most of us fellow queers.

Anyway: Thomas hadn't realized his capacity for Deceit yet, not had he brought his Self-Preservation to light. His mental was indeed suffering, and he wasn't being entirely honest with himself. He was a bit deep in Denial. His Self-Preservation was keeping things from him (other Sides of him, Janus himself, the hard truths he had yet to face), which plays into Denial and possible Self-Ignorance.

The other Sides, that he knew at the time, were trying to hide the existence of Janus as well as convincing him Lying Is Bad, period. His Morality swore off lying, it wasn't right, we shouldn't lie. His Anxiety went off at the thought of lying, even if for good reason (this also had something to do with Virgil's general distaste for Janus). His Logic was a bit neutral to it, as far as I saw. His [known] Creativity, as well as his Ego and Passion, wavered between lying and telling truth. Roman mostly acted in Self-Interest, if only to boost Thomas' Ego or play positively into his passions.

Only did Thomas start to realize his Deceit, and his Self-Preservation for mental health specifically, when his Morality is faced with a more shades-of-grey question. Janus shifts into Patton to appeal to him as something he already knows and is aware of before revealling himself (CLBG). Things go from there to Janus helping him realize how truly f*cked his mental is (SvS & POF). Only then does he become visible.

Intrusive Thoughts and [Darker] Creativity? As much as they aren't welcomed, Intrusive Thoughts are important to note. The more frequent you have them, the more likely your mental health may need to be checked in on. They don't make you any less of a good person. Thoughtcrime isn't real. Thought doesn't equal action. You choose whether or not to act on the thoughts you have. You have control. You'll be okay.

I digressed a little bit. Whoops.

Anyway: Darker Creativity is super f*cking important, especially for a creative person (like Thomas). The darker side of Creativity helps explore more mature ideas and concepts. Without it, many things might not get addressed in your creative works. Things like self-harm, the darker things of mental health, the cruel reality of many different things, grief and death, etc. That includes Intrusive Thoughts (heh). With Darker Creativity, you could explore gore and such monstrosities. Horror games? Thrillers? Cruel realities and dystopias? Body horror? All from that comes from Darker Creativity. Your favourite shooter games? Zombie Apocalyptic fiction? Yep, Darker Creativity.

Having Intrusive Thoughts paired with Darker Creativity makes a little too much sense, honestly.

For Thomas, he had shunned away his Darker Creativity. He repressed his Intrusive Thoughts. Repression does no one any good. Ignoring something like that is more harmful than anything. He shackled his Creativity by repressing and shunning the darker parts of himself like that.

Funny how both of his Creativities feel shackled and restricted, huh?

Moving on: his Self-Preservation helped hide away (in a way) his Darker Creativity. A part of himself that just wants recognition and attention. Remus literally said, and I quote, "Thomas, you made me this way." When you shun a part of yourself and repress it, especially so deeply, it becomes intrusive. When something is so foreign to you and labelled as 'bad', it becomes intrusive. No matter how dark your mind or Creativity is, you're still a good person. Thoughtcrime isn't real.

I need to stop diverging from my point, jfc-

The point: Thomas didn't know his Darker Creativity until much later. He didn't recognize his Intrusive Thoughts as Intrusive Thought until much later. He was denying himself until much later.

Only when his mental was really drowning in the depths of a self-deprecating sea did he see those things. Only when he was so close to a mental breakdown did he start stop repressing those parts of himself.

Only then did Remus pop out, finally able to be recognized for something, and got seen.

Wrath, Jealousy, Regret, and every mystery of Orange? Yeah, this will be a tricky one. We haven't seen Orange on screen just yet, so this is heavily theoretical territory.

Basing everything of Orange on all the random theories I've collected in my lil theory hoard of him.

First off: Wrath relates to anger (it's literally defined as 'extreme anger'). Among that, I believe it can also relate to Righteous Anger. Both are 100% important for humans to have. Wrath, both repressed and expressed, is just as needed as any other feeling or emotion. You're going to feel angry when you're hurt or upset. You'll feel angry or mad when you've been wrong, or at least when you feel like you've been wronged. When you've been mistreated or shunned, there'll be angry. In the case of Thomas, and my fellow queers/minorities, there is the feeling of Righteous Anger. Not righteous in a religious sense/context, but in a sort of vengeful way.

When you've been mistreated for things you cannot change about yourself, you are angry and want Justice. Who are they to say such things about you? To assume this and that? They hurt you, so you want Justice. Sometimes, this can come in the form of vengefulness.

Aka: Karma.

Jealousy? You most often get angry when you get jealous of someone or something. You want to have what they have. You should have or be what they have or who they are. You want that career, that attention, that romantic partner, that family life, that friend, that house or car, etc. It's important to pay attention to that Jealousy, and to see what you really want. Chances are it's more than just wanting something of someone else's. Jealousy is what I believe to be a form of anger.

Regret? This can be more of anger directed at yourself. Guilt. Shame. Regret. You can be angry with yourself for doing or saying something dumb (or that you think is dumb). Why would you do that thing? You hurt that person; now look at the mess you've created. Why would you do that/say that? Why, why, why?

^Regret is important. It's a form of Shame and Guilt unlike any other. Regret also comes from your sense of Morality, and it can be a result of Anxiety.

And all those things I've said for Orange? They're all equally important things Thomas could learn and realize.

Only then, when he finally realizes whatever Orange represents, will we see Orange.

Overall: the Darks are not seen by us until they're seen by Thomas. They remain invisible to us, though they're still there. They're known to us once they're known to Thomas.

And Thomas still has some learning to do.

-=-=-=-=-

D. The Neutral Side & His Flickering Visibility

The Neutrals: Virgil

Virgil represents Anxiety. There's already a two-part episode entirely about him and his role (AA, part I & II). There are many parts to Anxiety, as we've seen. He's a former Dark, a current Light (as far as it's somewhat implied), and a definite Neutral. He's a bit in-between the black-and-white imaginary for the Lights and the Darks. He's both sides and neither of them at the same time.

And how does this affect his visiblity?

Well... it does and it doesn't.

The defining factor of being seen or unseen is Thomas himself.

Virgil is first seen, assumingly as a Dark, in the third SaSi episode (Taking on ANXIETY [TOA]). He goes through his arc and (also assumingly) becomes a Light during AA (parts I & II).

Going back to TOA: Thomas was already aware of his Anxiety, to some extent. Virgil popped in, scared Thomas (lmao), and Thomas immediately recognizes him for who he is. He recognizes his Anxiety; Virgil's no one new. However, at that point, Thomas recognized Virgil as a somewhat obsessive Anxiety. An overbearing Anxiety. Something only there to be negative and annoying.

This, of course, changed as the series progressed. Not the point, though.

He is seen because he is already known. BUT! He was seen as a Dark because that's how he was known.

He is then seen as a Light because that's how he becomes known as.

He never once, to Thomas, is seen or known as a Neutral.

This is important. Virgil is already seen. Then he is seen again, in a different spotlight. But he still isn't seen.

It's almost like his visibility shifts and changes, almost like a flickering streetlight. Like a transparent png file, he isn't all there. Not yet, anyway.

Virgil isn't entirely seen until Thomas recognizes and realizes him as a Neutral Side. As far as I know, that hasn't happened quite yet. Perhaps, with the coming days of Orange, he will be seen then.

And only then will he be seen in his entirety.

*Side Note: I cannot articulate clearly of what I mean exactly about the 'flickering visibility' yet. Brain ain't got the braincells for that today. May revisit and expand on this later.

[sometimes-love-is-enough]

IT'S APRIL 14TH. THERE GOES JANUS TO BE BURIED ALIVE.

thank you to @fangirlwriting-stories and @lifewithoutrainydays for betaing this monster and/or egging me on! My love for Greek theatre, Greek tragedies, absurdist theatre, terrible puns, and pointed character studies have all combined into this: the Antigone AU, 13k of dialogue, monologue, and Remus waxing less-than-poetic about whatever the hell he wants. Is it an AU? Is it canon? Is it plausible to perform onstage? We just don't know.

the prologue/semi-explanation for what I'm doing (in poem form, what??) can be found here: the task of the translation. If you're curious about all of the other translations of Antigone I referenced, links to them can be found under the cut!

Brief, simple overview of Antigone's scenes and structure: here, if you want to get an idea of what's going on but don't want to read the full play.

Antigonick by Anne Carson: plain-text pdf (contains the original 'task of the translator' as a prologue), illustrated pdf, readthrough ft Anne Carson (read in English, despite the Swedish intro. Definitely a strange production, and not for everyone)

Antigone trans. Don Taylor: pdf, stage production by National Theatre (starring Jodie Whittaker and Chris Eccleston. costs about $11 to rent, but well worth it), interviews with cast and clips from that show (Youtube, free)

Antigone trans. Paul Woodruff: pdf

[analoceits]

mushroom rings & faery things chapter 1: loyalty

A03 link

note:

thanks to ChaosIsMyName on A03 for reading this over!! theyre the fucking best and yall should read their shit.

also uhh. felt fair to warn that i do NOT pull any punches on my body horror. its brief and skippable but i do get pretty intense when i do go with it soo, yeah. as well this is probably one of the darkest and messiest chapters in this whole fic, and the full promise of older brother remus wont come in till later [like chapter 3] so yeah 3 it will happen eventually but right now everyones too messy to be sweet. you can see the seeds of it start to grow tho!!

tags:

Disabled Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Fae, Body Horror, (for like 1 or 2 paragraphs but yknow), Fae Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Light Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), Found Family, Things look Worse Than They are, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, implied/referenced suicidal ideation, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders has a Cane, Remus Typical Gore Discussion, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Discussions of Death/Grief, no one dies tho,

-

I’m so sorry,

I know you don’t want me to do this, but I know I need too. I can’t go another day not sure if Roman will live or die, and I doubt you guys can either. No matter what you say, I’m indebted to you. It’s time I pay that back. Go to the edge of the woods, my gift will wait there.

With endless loyalty, Virgil.

Virgil pocketed the note in silence. It was the last of many ugly, emotional, gut-wrenching drafts and the only one he could imagine having them read. The only one he had managed to write without crying. With it completed, he had nothing left to do here.

He took one last look at his room from the bed. It didn’t look familiar; he had cleaned up most of his things so they wouldn’t have too while grieving. Still, there were some marks of himself that he couldn’t hide under the bed. 

A scuff in the tile from his boots, old purple sheets torn where he pulled on them too hard, a single blind tied to the rest with green string where he broke it. Family carved into a bed post. Despite his best efforts, there was proof he had lived.

With that bittersweet thought, he pulled himself up off the bed and steadied himself with his cane. He smiled just barely, slowly making his way down the stairs and around the hall. As soon as he was off the stairs, his eyes locked on the front door, but he silently shook his head.

There was one stop before he had to leave.

It took care to ease the bedroom door open silently, but as soon as he did he was at Roman’s bedside. He couldn’t help the way his stomach twisted with guilt at the sight - white bandages wrapping around his stomach where a red sash should be. The only red left was that pouring out of his guts, now.

Between bouts of crying and frantically checking his bandages, Logan had called it a godly miracle he survived. That was, of course, right before Patton physically dragged him to bed for his own sake, but it still held some weight. Their luck couldn’t last them forever, though. 

His eyes darted down to his cane when the thought hit him. The cane was a gift from Roman, one he had carved for hours on hours with painstaking care after Virgil started to complain of his pain. The one with from your family carved under the handle in gentle letters. Virgil had to hold back tears of joy when he first used it.

It was the last gift Roman was able to give him, a gift to make sure he wasn’t in pain. Even with the cane, he couldn't help Patton forage, or Logan shop, or Roman hunt. The thought sent a strange spiraling guilt through Virgil, but it didn’t matter.

It didn’t, because he knew he could fix it anyway. No matter how high the price may be.

He slipped the note out of his pocket. It was so small in his hand, but it must’ve weighed ten thousand pounds with how hard it was to hold. He tucked it in between Roman’s fingers with painstaking care. It was the only spot he could think to leave it.

Sparing one last glance to Roman’s limp form, he turned his back on the bed. The satchel felt practically weightless when he pulled it over his shoulder - if you could even call it that. It was tiny, only enough to fill a small cup of milk and a tiny jar of honey. That was all he needed.

Right as he went to stand up, a sharp whimper sounded from behind him. He glanced back to Roman, twisting and turning fitfully in his bed between little cries. Right, nightmares. They had only gotten worse since his accident, Logan had mentioned.

He hesitated before turning around, but he knew he didn’t have the guts to leave him like that. He was loyal to him. His hands were practically shaking as he nervously brushed the hair out of Roman’s face and shushed him, “shh, it’s ok.. there you go, there you go bud. You ain’t got anything to fear, Ro.”

Slowly, Roman stopped his twisting and turning, quieting down. Still, there was the slightest furrow to his brow and Virgil couldn’t help the fond way he sighed. He leaned down over him, brushing a finger over his brow as he kissed his forehead.

As soon as he drew back up, there was a hand softly grasping at his wrist, and it took all his willpower to pull out of the grip. “I know,” he said as he fit the sheets back over Roman, “I don’t want me to leave either.”

It wasn’t hard to open the house door silently and it wasn’t hard to pace down the stone path without his boots or cane making a noise. No, that wasn’t hard, he had practiced. It was hard to not look back. It was so hard, to swallow his guilt and grief and not look at those unlit windows. 

He kept walking anyway.

Their house was near the edge of the woods, so he knew it wasn’t going to be a very long walk. Still, his entire body ached and he stumbled down the path as it turned from stone to gravel, then to dirt, then to overgrown grass. Brambles thickened on either side of the trail.

Finally, he reached the edge of the woods, and it was just as great and imposing as he remembered. Dark, thick leaves hung overhead and any trace of moonlight would be gone as soon as he passed under those trees. He knew he wouldn’t need the light, the path painstakingly memorized but the darkness felt endless nonetheless. 

With one deep breath he pushed between the leaves and made his way onto a deer path carved in the grass. There was just the barest shine from moonlight that managed to worm its way between leaves, and he thanked the heavens for that.

Every passing step through, though, had the moon’s light fading until pure black clawed at the edges of his vision and he could barely see his own boots. The old growth of the forest thickened around him as he went on.

He kicked through undergrowth and slapped at brambles with the edge of his cane. Thick brambles and thorns caught on the edges of his pants, as if the forest itself was pleading with him to head back, but he simply kicked through and continued. No matter what anyone said, he had a duty.

The walk was an hour at most, but it felt like ages. Every step he took he wanted nothing more to turn around and bolt home, but he was not a coward. He was loyal to a default; he would not give up when he was needed. Even if he couldn’t think to call himself a good person, he payed his debts.

Even with the misery, he had a slight bit of company. The sounds of nature churred around him; a breaking stick and then the delighted chirp of grasshoppers, a shrill whistle cry of a bird and then a distant splash from a pond out of his view. The closer he got to his destination, the louder and more frequent the noises became; an accompanying orchestra. He didn’t know if it was a hopeful heroic swell or a tragic one.

Finally, the woods started to clear around him; giving up on fighting him. Slowly, at first, brambles let up and the barest glint of moonlight shone through the trees, and then all at once as the last bit of undergrowth caught on his boots and he stumbled into the clearing.

It was uncomfortably beautiful. The full moon was bright, shining and hearty (he was sure it had been a half-moon when he had entered, but he didn’t think that mattered where he was.) The stars glittered above head along with it and it felt like they were winking down at him for some inside joke he was now in on.

The main thing that caught his eye, however, was the ring of mushrooms. They were stark, bright red and it briefly reminded his of Roman’s garish sash - then it reminded him of his blood, and his heart sank. It was fine, he told himself, he was making it up now.

He took a few paces ahead and then dropped to his knees right in front of the faery ring, carefully and slowly removing the pack from his shoulder and unloading the contents. Milk, honey, and a bowl. Perfect.

A strange sense of calm came over him as he placed the bowl in the farthest point of the ring. It was a painful, aching calm; like he was planning his own funeral. A singular mourner holding vigil for his own life, a living corpse. It was grim, but more than fitting.

The milk and honey smelled disgustingly sweet as he poured them both into the bowl, even if his hands were shaking. The moon and the stars glowed overhead like lanterns - no, eyes, eyes burning into the back of his skull. They waited to see what he would do next; lions waiting to pounce on him.

As soon as the contents were poured out, he lifted himself up with cane and took a step into the circle. His body rocked with invisible force until he dropped and was kneeling, hands desperately wrapped around the still up-right cane like in prayer. It wasn’t really that funny to him, but he didn’t try to move.

Instead, he bowed his head, terror suddenly pounding through his ribs and lungs like a horribly off tune song. Grief ran through jaw and throat, wrapping around it like a snake and making it hard to breath. Grief for himself and grief for growing old with them. Even if he knew he needed to do this, he missed home.

Still, through the aching pain, a deep, indescribable burning set ablaze in his finger tips and deep in his chest, and every spot where Roman’s nimble fingers would cart through his hair when he needed it. He thought that warmth might be called loyalty.

“I have an offering,” his voice was more hoarse than he had expected, but it was good enough. For a brief, but completely nauseating moment, nothing happened. The stars continued to blink above and moonlight danced in his vision.

Then blood welled through the grass, and the earth became an open wound. Dirt pushed itself apart and away, grass seeming to sway to avoid what was crawling out of the earth. Blood and sap, wood and flesh arose all at once in a spiraling tower of something, something that should not exist. Skin knit over pulsating, ugly flesh and a pair of eyes stared at him for something that was supposed to be a face.

Finally, something human like was formed. Human-like, because those few seconds taught Virgil that whatever fae were, they were not human. It stared down at him, a strange blank curiosity on its features. 

As he stared back at it, something suddenly clicked in his brain and he was sure he was going to be sick. He wanted to be wrong, but the only question left was a simple one. Why the hell was Roman here?

No; it wasn’t exactly Roman, but at the same time.. it could only be him. It was a strange, gross sight. The same dorky smile that showed just one too many teeth, but the teeth were as sharp as blades. The same striking green eyes, but an odd cold rested behind them.

The figure - person - fae, fae, had scars littering up and down his skin and ungodly green eyes and a wide smile. Passion and adventure and want burned behind his eyes but it was wrong, scarily feral, scarily.. animal. 

At a closer look, he was far too old as well. A decade older than Roman, at least. Age weighed on his face in the form of crows feet and a thick mustache, the same color as his hair. It was as dark as Romans, to be sure, but colder - without the red tinting it warm.

Was this.. some fucked up joke? Was this a near death hallucination? Or maybe, maybe this was the first form of torture planned for him, a reminder of why he was here. Either way, the sight made it hard to breath.

The fae spoke first, “I’m Remus, your local fae prince.” With the word Remus sickness and the cold scent of pinewood rushed through Virgil so hard he leered. The prince of the fae, the actual fucking fae, just gave him his name. Freely, just as that.

Virgil realized what it was a second later - a show of power. A quiet, but impactful way to remind Virgil that no matter what information he had, no matter how hard he fought, he was powerless here. It made his heart sink.

“Thank you,” Virgil whispered and in the same breath he cringed from his own words. Right, no thanking them. How had he forgotten? “I’m here to offer myself to you, on one condition.” It felt incomprehensibly stupid to speak of conditions when he was on his knees.

“I love conditions!” The too-shrill voice practically squawked out, leaning one elbow on Virgil’s cane nonchalantly. “What do you want, little stormcloud?” He grinned down at Virgil, clearly awaiting his response with delight.

“.. I have a friend,” Virgil carefully avoided his name, “he is gravely injured and, though stable, will not survive winter like this. I have another friend - he is trying to make a remedy. Theres one last ingredient he needs, a flower - oleander.”

Remus gave him a look, a single eyebrow raised at him. “Stormy - can I call you stormy? - Cool, thanks. Oleanders a poison, at least to you little.. flesh beasts. I don’t think your thinking of the right flower. It’d be cool to poison him and all, but y'know - doublechecking.”

Virgil thought over the words for a second, because he knew it couldn’t be a lie - even though that was exactly what his knee-jerk reaction wanted to say. After a second, he forced, “no offense, but I trust his medical knowledge more than yours.”

“Well, if you insist,” Remus shrugged then grinned, “still, that’s all you ask for your life!? Most ask for more than that. Money, power, fame, love - and lust~, of course,” the creature wiggled his eyebrows and Virgil bit back the urge to gag. “You can ask for more, you know. A lifes worth more than a flower.”

Virgil looked up, mildly stunned by what he heard. Was Remus.. trying to help him? The thought sent a feeling of vertigo through him, but he hesitantly spoke, hand picking each word that slipped out of his mouth, “there won’t be any extra.. stipulations because of this, will there?”

“Nah! I’m just bored, you see, and I love doing those little tasks for you mortals. They always go through the same cycles. First their filled with delight and shock at their new gifts, then grief and disgust as they ask why their daughter, or lover, or brother has went.” Remus turned his head back and practically cackled through out.

“.. Alright,” Virgil knew the fae couldn’t lie, and he couldn’t find much of a loophole in the words, no matter how.. depressing. “Some money to be comfortable for the following years, good fertile land to plant on, and a hunters blessing. For my family, please.” Virgil stared down for a reason he himself didn’t quiet understand.

Remus looked down at him with a strange expression. It took Virgil a moment to process it as curiosity, but before he could comprehend that, the fae spoke. “Man, you’re weirdly humble. Don’t even want any good shit! Or just, well, shit. Do you know how many farmers have asked for good manure?” He turned his head back and laughed, before looking back down, “well, they don’t usually offer their life for it.”

Virgil turned his gaze to the side. The words weirdly burnt at his chest. It was the reminder, he realized. He wanted to go home so fucking bad. The rough dirt made his knees ache and his hands blistered against the wood he held so tight and he wanted nothing more than to step out of the mushrooms, come home, and hug his family so close he didn’t have words for it.

“Will you stop mocking me?” Virgil hissed through his teeth, fear burning in his heart at every word that slipped out of his mouth without his permission, “I just want to get sacrificied in fucking peace before I spend the rest of eternity dancing as my skin burns off and muscles rot away, and- and-” suddenly, it was hard to breath. His lungs felt tiny and air was too large to choke down.

The fae thing gave him a strange look from where he hovered over Virgil, watching him have a panic attack like he was a mildly interesting rock. After a weird long moment of that, he spoke with delight, “wow are you killing yourself by self-suffocation!? That’s so cool!” 

That startled a laugh out of Virgil’s chest, then a few awkward coughs as his body readjusted to breathing again. He stared up at Remus awkwardly. “Nobody’s had a panic attack while sacrificing themselves to you before me?” He choked out.

Remus propped his hands up on his hips. “Not until you, stormy! You’re the first,” he said without a single sense of the weight of the words. For a fae, creature known for their odd but strict manners, he was wildly impolite.

Virgil couldn’t help but cringe with it, then awkwardly bark out a few laughs. “I can’t even kill myself right, can I?” He didn’t realize what he was saying until the words came out of his mouth, and then he closed said mouth tight.

The fae was giving him another one of those peculiar looks again before continuing to speak. “Man, is this meant to be your suicide? You’re like, really bad at that then because I have no plans to kill you!” The grin was strangely warm, now.

“Look, I- I’m gonna be basically dead by the end of this anyway. No old life to get back to,” he sighed quietly, before asking, like a slight plea, “can we get this over with, now? I don’t wanna spend longer here.”

The smile dripped off Remus’s face and Virgil felt oddly guilty. “Well, if you’re so impatient, then lets get this over with, stormcloud. You know what to do to stop it. Just give me your name.” The weight of the phrase was more than ever.

Suddenly, hearing the words - Virgil realized how badly he didn’t want to get it over with. Like a desperate idiot avoiding the death he handed himself, he stalled. “What, you don’t want this to end? You having fun chit-chatting here?” He said easy as you please, tilting his head to the side. The false confidence was familiar.

That startled a laugh out of Remus, who cackled so loud and shrill that Virgil could hear the birds flee. “Wow, seems like our little stormy has himself a sharp tongue. Wonder how long that will last you.”

“Long as it takes for you to get tired of me and cut it off,” Virgil hissed through his teeth, a sly grin on his face. It felt as natural as breathing, and just as fulfilling as it. Something that he knew from memory.

He realized the memory was of Roman.

Remus didn’t notice his realization of course and continued without a single hitch, “I wonder if it will be like a lizard tail, still wriggling and writhing after I cut it out of your wordy little mouth! I mean, I’m sure I can make that happen.”

Virgil faked a gag and turned his gaze up to Remus again, “you’re real disgusting y’know, for being a fae, a creature of manners and politeness, you’re real gross. How do you even get away with your wordy little mouth?” Virgil asked, half teasing and half genuine.

“Well, manners are oh so subjective,” Remus grinned, seemingly preening with delight at this fact, “and so, with just a little bit of squirming around through loopholes and the like - you really can get away with most things.” His satisfied grin seemed to light up the clearing.

Or maybe that was the sunrise, peaking over the horizon like an unwelcome guest. Remus turned his head back to stare at it. “Oops! Looks like your time is up, my dearest storm. No more stalling~.” He turned back to Virgil. “May I have your name?”

The words carried the weight of ten thousand stones.

Virgil knew what to do though, and he spoke his name, tearing it out of his throat and soul as the sun rose along with bile in his throat and as the moon fell along with his bloody heart. He whispered the first two words that would be in his obituary, “Virgilius Sentinel.”

A coldness wrapped around him, tight and binding. It was like a promise; a cruel, sickening promise, the type that edged on threat. His body shook, lungs wheezing through breaths that couldn’t make it all the way into him. 

Even though he could still see Remus above him, staring down at him with that cruel grin and hands on his hips, he could feel his hands on his face, holding him still. They were as cold as he imagined, but not as painful.

Despite the terror, breaths slowly became easier as his body became more used to the feeling, the control, the vulnerability of it all. He adjusted to it, the world spinning around him as he learned to breath with smaller lungs. Maybe, this wouldn’t be as painful as he worried.

Right as he adjusted, though, there was a sudden burning in his chest and around his lungs. It was the kindest fire and the sweetest pain, and his lungs were aching as if he had managed to breath too much. It felt familiar; it felt like being held by warm and gentle hands. The fire chased off the cold.

As suddenly as the flame overtook him, it drew back. The feeling of being held turned to the feeling of being dropped, and the cold leapt back in as soon as the warmth left him. He shook just a little with the nauseating feelings. No matter the attempt at a fight, it was too weak.

Still, it left a small thought: something else had its own claim on him, separate from Remus’s. He silently reeled from that, but before he could think too hard he heard that barking shrilling laugh again and the world fell from under his feet.

[beauty-and-passion]

FSS3: Season 2 finale - Part 4

This is the fourth and final part of my take on Sanders Sides season 3 (affectionately called Fanders Sides season 3).

The first episode of season 3 "What is art?" will be posted on Monday, November 13th

HERE is the explanation of the project

HERE is the introductory post

HERE is the previous part

HERE the AO3 link to read this part

As said in the introductory post, Fanders Sides Season 3 (season 2 finale included) could have triggering themes/scenes. Please keep that in mind before reading.

_______________________________

Before starting, we have a very brief recap of what happened, made of scenes from part 3 with Roman’s monologue as a background, until we reach the same scene part 3 ends with: Thomas yelling “NO!”, while Roman’s sword falls on Janus.

°

The second before Roman’s sword touches Janus’ head, the blade turns into a fish, that falls on Janus’ lap.

Thomas is perplexed. Roman is perplexed as well. He tries to make a new sword, but the blade explodes into a bunch of popcorn. He tries again and the blade turns into a dildo.

Roman stomps his feet and protests. He orders to stop and insists on turning his blade into a sword, only to end up holding different things: plushies, a foulard, even one of his shoes.

Roman keeps protesting with something invisible. An incorporeal voice replies with a laugh, then Thomas feels something touch his head and say “Boop!”. Only after that, the invisible force disappears and he can finally get up on his feet.

Roman yells to go away, to which the voice replies that he just came - pun intended. Thomas recognizes the tone: it’s Remus.

He suddenly appears, sitting sideways on the throne. He has the biggest grin ever while Roman scolds him, insisting that Remus is ruining his plan and that he should go away.

Janus, on the other hand, sighs and asks Remus if he’s having fun. Remus giggles and admits he was watching from the start: he just wanted to give them all a little scare! Did Janus get scared? Remus told him Roman can be pretty vengeful when he wants to!

In the meantime, Roman has finally been able to make a sword - even if it’s a plastic one. Still, he points it at Remus and orders him to go away and let him do his thing. Remus replies he can’t, Janus is his best friend forever and ever! They do sleepovers and braid each other’s hair! Roman can’t take his bestie away from him!

Janus rolls his eyes and says they are not friends. Remus blows him a raspberry with a laugh, while Janus ditches the cloak splashed with blood. This has all been a huge waste of his time, he says. Roman doesn’t even have the guts to confront him face to face, without forcing him into a stupid fantasy. If he’s such a villain, why didn’t Roman give him any free will to kill puppet!Nico? Was he afraid that, perhaps, the oh-such-a-villain Janus wouldn’t follow the prejudice Roman has about him?

In the blink of an eye, Janus is at the base of the staircase, lying on his back. Roman stands on top of him: his eyes are burning, orange shines in his irises. The tip of his sword, despite being a plastic one, points at Janus’ throat.

Thomas rushes towards them, while Roman blames Janus for everything: he took advantage of Roman, played with his feelings, pushed Roman to make the wrong decision, introduced Remus, manipulated Patton’s view of the world, manipulated Thomas into believing his lies, he even manipulated Logan into agreeing with his ideas! And he’s working against the relationship with Nico! He’s doing everything he can to stop Roman from moving things further, to stop Thomas from achieving happiness and to leave them all alone. Oh, Roman doesn’t have any doubt he is a villain, because he is. He did everything to destroy Thomas’ life and Roman knows it.

He might’ve been fooled twice, but he won’t get fooled again. He knows evil and destruction is all Janus wants and he will stop him, before it’s too late.

Janus, on the other hand, doesn’t show any fear for the sword pointing at his throat. With a stern tone, he tells Roman he is just a spoiled, pampered kid who thinks the world is a buffet ready for him, filled with people ready to bow to his will. Guess what, the world isn’t. Like. That. Does Roman want to know the truth? The truth is that nothing is entirely good or bad, there are no heroes and villains out there. Even out of his own, delusional fantasy, even his fellow Sides are both good and bad. And if he looks at himself, he will realize that he himself is not the purely good hero he pretends to be.

Roman yells he’s a liar and tries to stab him, but the sword disappears. He screams in frustration and tries to punch him, but Remus grabs his wrist: with a serious tone, he tells Roman it’s not funny anymore. He already told him Janus is his bestie! Roman cannot harm him.

Roman tries to use the other hand, but Thomas grabs it and stops Roman as well. He asks him to calm down, because this is all wrong. His hero would never do this!

Livid with rage and shame, Roman pulls away from them both. What does Janus have more than him?, he asks, frustrated. He is evil! Why is everyone so fucking blind?

Thomas tries to say something, but with a wave of Roman’s hand, he is pushed to the ground again by that invisible force.

Janus moves to shield him like he did in POF, but with another wave of Roman’s hand, he’s pushed to the ground, away from Thomas. Thomas protests, but Roman says he won’t let the evil snake trick him again. He will fix everything. He will wash Janus’ words and ideas off Thomas’ mind. Thomas will finally come back to his senses and see the world as it is: with heroes and villains and Roman is the only hero he needs.

Janus lifts his head and challenges Roman: really? Who is the real villain here? The guy who is forced on the ground and stripped of his free will, or the guy who forced him on the ground and stripped him of his free will, because he refuses to consider other points of view aside from his own?

Roman points his plastic sword and orders him to stop, his tricks won’t work anymore. He can see the truth now. And the truth is his word. He is right. He knows that.

Do you?, Janus asks.

Roman approaches him.

(With the corner of his eye, Thomas notices Remus moving behind Roman, away from his field of vision, then he disappears.)

I know, Roman replies. I’ve been right for years. Life had been perfect for years, before you introduced yourself to Thomas. Things were going well. We were doing our things and learning how to work together…

Janus scoffs. Please, Roman. Lying to the embodiment of lies? Were things really going this well as you say? Is this the actual truth?

It is!, Roman replies, but his anger shows an underlying fear. Things were good, everything was good! But then Janus came and brought so many… changes!

Roman’s voice suddenly cracks on the last word. He’s so caught by surprise, that his anger fades enough to show more fear and confusion hidden in his eyes.

For the first time, Janus’ expression softens.

Changes are inevitable, he says and his tone is softer too. They will come anyway, no matter if we want them or not. All we can do is accept them, both in our lives and inside us. And you were already changing before I introduced myself.

Roman steps back. The anger had disappeared from his eyes, which show only fear and confusion.

Before he can say anything, a noise gets everyone’s attention and a shadow approaches the throne room. Roman draws his sword again, but lowers it as soon as the figure appears on the threshold.

It’s Patton. He comes closer, a confused expression: his gaze shifts from Thomas to Janus, to Roman. He asks the latter what’s happening.

Roman makes his sword disappear and approaches Patton. Everything will be okay, he reassures him: Roman will solve everything, he will do the right thing. He stopped the snake and now Patton can finally return to being the pure, innocent softball he has always been. And Thomas will come back to normal as well. Roman will do everything good, he will solve all problems. He is the hero and heroes always do the right thing. Princes always do the right thing, just like in the stories Patton read him when they were kids.

Everything’s okay, he repeats. He will prove to Patton and everyone else that he is worthy of his role, that he deserves to rule Thomas’ life. He is the Side in the driver’s seat and he will show everyone he can do an amazing job. He will be the hero and defeat the villains. He will save everyone. And they will all love him.

Patton listens, in silence. He listens to him talking about how good he will be. He listens to him saying these things with the tone of a man who doesn’t believe his words anymore.

And in the end, Patton takes Roman’s hands and says he’s sorry.

Roman stops talking, surprised. Patton doesn’t have any reason to be sorry, why is he sorry?

Patton takes a long breath. Since he was young, he explains, he always knew Roman was ambitious and impatient. He always wanted everything, right there, right now. He always wanted glory and fame. But Patton also knew that, behind that ambition and that bratty behavior, there was insecurity. A lot of insecurity. Before being a hero and a prince, all Roman wanted was to be loved and appreciated for who he was and for what he made.

And so, Patton tried to show Roman his appreciation, by giving him a moral. A moral that, he hoped, would’ve made Roman feel more at ease with himself: good people deserved good things and since he was good too, he would’ve deserved good things too.

But then, Roman associated the idea of being good with the figure of the prince and the idea of being evil with everything against the prince. And the world slowly divided into heroes and villains.

Back then, Patton didn’t explain to Roman that the world isn’t like that. He didn’t tell him that everyone has a bit of good and a bit of bad inside. He didn’t tell him that there was nothing wrong about being a little bad. He wanted to make him feel good about himself. And he still saw Roman as a little Side: there was still time to correct this worldview in the future.

But then, Roman started to show an internal conflict between the prince who should always save everyone and the Side who embodies the Ego and only thinks about himself.

Again, Patton didn’t intervene to help him conciliate these two parts of himself. He didn’t tell him it was okay to be a little egoist. That there was nothing wrong with being a prince and the embodiment of Ego. On the contrary, Patton forced Roman to always put others before himself. Because Patton himself was making that same mistake (ref. POF).

This stifled Roman and left him frustrated, because it undermined his role as Ego and didn’t let him be who he actually was: a bold, egoist, Side. A Side who wants to be creative in extra ways - ways Patton would probably not like.

So, instead of being who he was, Roman tried to fit the role of a figure that did not exist. A prince that did not exist. And that led to him making mistakes, feeling bad and even more insecure than before. Because that wasn’t him. It was never supposed to be him.

Roman is shocked by Patton’s words. He takes his hands away from Patton’s, shakes his head and denies everything. No, no, he is like that, those were all his choices…

Patton stops him with a kind smile: it’s okay, it’s not his fault. Deep down, Roman always knew the world wasn’t just made of heroes and villains, didn’t he? He knew for a long time. And yet, he tried to convince himself it wasn’t like that, because he wanted to fill the role he constricted himself in and follow the morals Patton gave him.

(Roman shakes his head, but his expression makes it clear Patton is right.)

Patton reassures him: it’s okay. Again, it’s not his fault. Roman just knew, because he’s much more clever than this. The real Roman is way better than a perfect, dashing prince.

Patton’s words hit him and Roman falls to his knees. What will it be of him?, he asks. He looks at Patton with longing, fear and, deep down, a hint of hope too. Who will he be, he asks, if he doesn’t fulfill the role he fulfilled for all of his life?

Patton sits on the ground with him. Roman can do whatever he wants. If he wants, he can still be a prince. Or he can be a king. Or he can be something completely new! He’s Creativity after all, he can be everything! And no matter what his choice will be, Patton’s love and care for him will never falter.

Roman hides his face behind a hand. With a trembling voice, he admits that Patton’s morals gave him a lot of power. And that power made him feel… well, powerful. He was confident, he was strong, he had certainties.

But the more time passed, the more he felt he was forced to play a role. He wasn’t free to be who he was.

Roman takes the hand away from his face and looks at Patton: his expression is desperate, scared. Will Patton still be his father and friend, even if Roman is different?, he asks.

Patton gives him the biggest smile: this is something that will never, ever change.

Roman’s eyes shine with tears but instead of crying, he tackles Patton in a huge hug. Patton hugs him back with a smile, while Roman hides his face against Patton’s shoulder.

The two hug each other for a very long time, then they get up. Roman rubs one eye and admits that this whole plan has been very stupid indeed. He was too… (Janus stares intently) whatever. Now he can think straight again.

He moves a hand and frees Janus and Thomas, who can get up again. Roman turns to Janus first and apologizes: he has been very stupid indeed. Janus is right, Roman has been the real villain, all the time. He shouldn’t have blamed Janus for everything, insulted his name and acted like a dirty coward. He has been a spoiled, bratty child and that’s not who he really is. He wants to be better than this. He knows he can be better than this. And he hopes they will let him prove it.

But.. he needs time. He needs to think. He needs to understand himself, his wants and needs and start from that to grow into a better Side.

Janus accepts his apologies. This behavior shows much better who the real Roman is, he says. Sure, Roman might be spoiled and bratty, but he’s also a brave Side. And he just proved it.

Janus holds out a hand and apologizes as well. He shouldn’t have exploited Roman’s feelings, but worked with him. He shouldn’t have scolded him, but helped him. He hopes he will also be able to prove he can be better than this.

Roman nods, they shake hands. Then, Roman turns to Thomas: he tries to say “I’m sorry”, but all he can say is “I’m so…” because Thomas stops him with a huge, tight hug. No matter who he is or will be, Thomas will forever accept him. Roman is his precious Creativity, his best friend, his hero. And without him, Thomas will never be complete.

Roman looks at Thomas, his eyes shining with tears again. He shifts his gaze to Patton, who looks at him with a smile and confirms, again, that he’s proud of him.

Only then, Roman finally shows a genuine, watery smile and hugs Thomas back.

_______________________________

END CARD

Janus is in the same forest from the Into the Unknown cover, when Patton approaches him and the two start walking.

Patton thanks Janus for calling him through Remus and for letting him do things his way. See? In the end, he really managed to talk some sense into Roman!

Janus confirms that Patton’s way of handling the situation has been the best indeed. He apologizes: he was just so used to how he treats his boys, to not consider Roman was different. He made a mistake and he hopes he will be forgiven.

Patton reassures him: Roman will forgive Janus and Patton already did. In fact, he’s there to propose something.

Janus is curious: he looks at Patton, waiting for him to explain himself.

Patton proposes Janus to cooperate. To work together, steer the boys and guide Thomas through his everyday life. The last events made it clear Patton cannot work alone anymore and with Remus joining the conversation, it’s even more important to have someone like Janus working alongside him. The Sides need both optimism and cynicism. Thomas needs a grayer vision of things. They are the only two Sides who can do that.

Janus diverts his gaze and thinks about that. They walk in silence for a little while, until Janus admits that he’s used to working with his boys, he knows what to expect and how to handle them. But, he admits, while looking at Patton, he doesn’t know how to work with him.

Patton smiles: this is exactly why he’s the one offering Janus to work together.

He stops and holds out a hand. After looking at it, then at Patton’s smile, then back at the hand, finally Janus shakes it.

°

Second scene: Janus is sitting on a couch in a dimly lit room. He holds a glass of wine in his hand and is sipping it, when he suddenly stops, turns the wine in the glass and, while looking at it, he asks: “Did you have fun today, when you pushed Roman to almost kill me?”.

We see a black figure shifting behind the couch, snickering. A new voice says it was just a little joke, he didn’t really want to hurt Janus! He perfectly knew Remus was watching and knew he would’ve jumped in to protect him. It was a calibrated risk.

The black figure approaches, we see black arms caressing the head of the couch.

And then, the voice says, Roman had so much resentment, so many feelings bottled up! It was liberating to finally see him spill them everywhere.

Janus still looks at his glass. He admits: “You did a good job”.

The mysterious voice giggles again and the black figure shifts away, leaving only a red apple on the couch.

°

The third and final scene shows someone stumbling into a room, only to fall on a different version of the same couch Janus was sitting on.

The person is Logan: he takes off his glasses, pinches his nose and closes his eyes. He looks very, very tired.

An orange light glows behind him. In the penumbra, a hand rests on the backseat of the couch, right behind Logan. For the first time, we see a hand: it’s covered with a fingerless, leather glove.

Logan opens one eye.

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AUTHOR’S NOTE

Well, well, well.

Some conversations were absolutely needed. Patton had to apologize. Roman and Janus had to apologize to each other. Remus had to be a gremlin because he deserves it.

And I know this isn’t a conclusion at all, but the season 2 finale was never intended to fully close Roman’s arc. This should be the starting point of Roman’s growth. Roman isn’t stupid, he’s just been blind for too long. But now, he can start to think, focus and grow: he really needs this and I want to give it to him, because he’s a good boy and deserves the world.

While the three end cards… well, after this, there’s the third and last season. It deserves to start with a bang.

After apologizing and admitting his mistakes, Patton deserved to prove he’s also clever. He’s not stupid and he needs to prove it. Also, establishing his cooperation with Janus from here, will help move things further in a smoother way. They are both Sides responsible for steering everyone: if they work together, improvement is easier to achieve and all future developments are justified.

And Orange. Well, he’s the last boy, so he deserves to be teased a little more. As a treat :3

(Also, this helps me to show a bit about his mind and how he thinks)

And Logan… well, I’ve said for years that I don’t want him in the season finale, but in the end card. He deserves to close it with a scary foreboding. He deserves to make us go wild. The following season will have a lot of moments dedicated to him, after all.

( Support me on Ko-fi )

_______________________________

TAGLIST:

@royalprinceroman @reesiereads @mudpuddlenl@allmycrushesaredead @aquatedia@whatishappeningrightnow  @effortiswhatmatters @bella-in-a-bag  @doydoune @forever-third-wheeling​ @payte​ @hypnossanders​  @idontreallyknow24​  @imcrushedbyarainbowoffical​ @patton-cake​  @hereissananxiousmess​  @purplebronzeandblue​  @cynicalandsarcastic​ ​@lost-in-thought-20​ @andtheyreonfire​ 

@riseofthewerewolf​ @rosesandlove44​​  @chewy-rubies @groaaaaan​ @arya-skywalker​  @csi-baker-street-babes​ @queen-of-all-things-snuggly

@dracayd-universe​ @starlightnyx​ @stubbornness-and-spite​ @averykedavra @joyrose-fandomer @mihaela-tbg @igonnatalknothing​

@thatoneloudowl​  @grayson-22  @softangryfuckingdepressed @theotherella  @boopypastaissalty @nevenastark @varthandiveturinn @roses-bubbles @cuter-on-the-inside  @coldbookworm  @snixxxsmythe @charmingcritter  @analogical-mess @emphasis-on-the-oopsie @selfdestructivecat @yangwalkerao3

[dndeceit]

Fander Fic Rec Friday (#2) (Tagging these #fander fic rec friday if anyone else wants to join in to share some recs of their own.)

Three Days at Castle Winterburg by Odaigahara Fairytale AU (Intrulogical) Rating: M Logan has lived his entire life without experiencing fear. Never one content to be lacking in knowledge, he sets out on a quest to learn it. His search brings him to the haunted Castle Winterburg, and several bizarre encounters with the malicious entity within. Notes: This is basically an Intrulogical retelling of "The Story of the Youth Who Went Forth to Learn What Fear Was" (but with a much more interesting ending). One of my absolute favorites. The Touch Transcends Language series by IfFoundPleaseReturnToJanus (Bluewic) Fantasy/Modern with Magic (Anxceit) Rating: E Janus is a fae prince taken captive by hunters, Virgil is a hunter on the outs with his peers. Neither speaks the other's language, but when they wind up cornered by a common enemy they have to find some way to communicate in order to survive. Notes: I don't read a lot of smut (nor is romantic Anxceit usually to my tastes), so it speaks to the plot in this "Porn with Plot" that it managed to reel me in. A story about two individuals navigating an intense infatuation when they can't speak the other's language was pretty unique. Not to mention the all the other character interactions later on, which were extremely enjoyable. (As a slight warning, Roman takes a very antagonistic role in this series, which may not be to everyone's liking.) Coffee by HorseCrazyWriter76 Coffee shop AU* (Gen) Rating: G This is a Very Normal Coffee Shop AU. Notes: *Look, I don't know how to describe this one without giving away the fun. I can offer an unreality warning, but that's about it. The Ghost Janus AU series by SoDoRoses (FairyChess) Supernatural AU (Dukeceit, LAMP) Rating: T Remus is a ghost obsessed eccentric who has just bought his dream home (i.e. one that is definitely haunted) and Janus is his thoroughly deceased new roommate. It's a love story. Notes: One of my favorites/most re-read fics. Was inspired to re-read it once again by the next fic on the list.

WIPs You Haunt Me and I Like It by sevenstevearmy Supernatural AU (Analogical, Royality) Rating: M Logan and Roman are roommates, Virgil is the ghost haunting their apartment. After Logan and Virgil fall for one another, they proceed to fake a "long distance" relationship to keep Logan's friends from suspecting that he's dating a ghost. (Which is a lot less funny than it sounds when mental health struggles and insecurity decide to get in the way.) failed bounties and fresh bonds by delimeful Fantasy AU (Gen) Rating: T Virgil is a child giant living on his own in the woods. Remus is the hunter the villagers send after the "monster" living on their borders. Note: Adoption fic with protective Remus. Sanders sides but as centaurs by Annadekiller Modern AU/Slavery AU (Gen) Rating: Not Rated (see notes) Dystopian AU where centaurs exist and despite being sapient are treated as beasts of burden. After meeting Logan, Thomas does what he can to save the abused centaur from torment. And then it happens again. And again... Notes: Saw this one so many times before I actually gave it a look. If I were going to put a rating on it, I'd put it at an M for occasional violence and brief but frequent depictions of torture and abuse. Lots of hurt/comfort, though. The worldbuilding is interesting, and the occasional forays into crime drama were kind of an unexpected treat.

[thoriffix]

happy pride folks :]

[monkeythefander]

Virgil Sanders Headcannons💜

Here are some Virgil headcannons. A decent amount of these are just me projecting onto him because he’s my favorite side and I somewhat relate to him 😅.

Content Warning(s): Brief mention of intrusive thoughts (not in detail), brief mention of feeling anxious (not in detail). Let me know if I missed anything else.

Click below the cut to read the headcannons

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- Virgil is a really good hugger. When he still lived with the dark sides, Virgil would often hug Remus when the creative side’s intrusive thoughts were overwhelming. After joining the light sides, it took a while for Virgil to feel comfortable enough around the light sides to offer them hugs.

- When he’s really anxious, Virgil’s hands sweat a lot. So he usually pulls his hoodie sleeves over his hands to try and hide that fact from others.

- Virgil falls asleep really easily in moving vehicles. If he’s being driven somewhere in a car or taking the train somewhere, he might fall asleep for a bit.

- After accepting anxiety, Logan gave Virgil a journal. The logical side told Virgil it was for him to write down his worries in. That way Virgil can have some way of getting the thoughts out of his head, even when he doesn’t feel comfortable talking about his worries with the others. Virgil accepts the gift but says he’s not sure if he’ll use it. He does end up using it a lot whenever he wants to get some of the negative thoughts out of his system.

- Virgil has a collection of fidget items to use whenever he feels overwhelmed by his thoughts and needs something to fidget with. The items include fidget spinner, fidget rings, fidget cubes, and many more.

- ———————————————————

End Notes: Thanks for reading! As always, if you liked any of these headcannons and want to make fanart or fanfiction based on them, you can do so as long as you ask me first, and then credit/tag me in the post so I can see it.

-Monkey💜

———-

AO3 link for these headcannons: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57563089

[batset]

Remus the Destiny’s Child fan~

[theimprobabledreamersworld]

Been struggling with writer’s block again! I’ve got a new chapter of My Past Became Our Future posted though! I liked writing this one, it was fun! So I hope you enjoy reading it too! 😊

Read on Ao3!

Taglist for this story: @psychedelicships @jwillowwolf @red-imeanblue @lost-in-thought-20 @stardustlv If you wanna be added, let me know!

Read the story from the start here!​

Here we go... Into Chapter Fourteen...

Chapter Fourteen: I Thought You Weren’t Like Them Anymore.

Warnings: Mild swearing, brief weapon use and mild violence.

“Who will fix me now? Dive in when I’m down? Save me from myself, Don’t let me drown”

Pain. Pain was all that could be felt. So much of it being experienced in one space, it was almost too much to bare. Virgil groaned as the light behind his eyes became more excruciating. He wanted to keep his eyes closed and just sleep, but he slowly remembered what had transpired and worry flooded his body at a rapid rate.

Is Logan okay? Is he hurt? What’s happened to Patton and Janus? Not that he cared much about the other two, Logan was his priority. Logan had always been his priority. He forced his eyes to open and his vision was blurred to a point where he couldn’t make anything out. The more he blinked, the clearer everything became and he saw two smiling faces looking down on him. He groaned and rubbed his eyes before stretching his arms out. He tried to sit up, but the black spots clouded his vision once again. This time though, he had two hands supporting him, keeping him grounded.

“Woah, be careful there Sunshine! You’ve only just re-joined us!” Thomas laughed and Nico smiled. Virgil looked at both of them and smiled slightly before trying to get up again. He was in their room, the room encased by memories. How did he even get up here?

“We brought you up, it was the least we could do and it meant we could check you over properly.” Virgil nodded and slowly swung his legs off the side of the bed. As he looked around acclimatising himself to his surroundings, he began to worry about where Logan was. Did his memories come back? Who was calling out to him before he passed out?

He looked around the room, praying that Logan would be in there waiting for him. Disappointment began to consume his mind along with overwhelming panic. He felt two hands gently touch his back and he flinched at the touch before slowly sinking into it. He took a deep breath and with the help of Thomas and Nico, he stood up gradually. Each step felt heavy like his feet were trapped in concrete but as he eventually got to the bedroom door, everything came back to him and he could finally walk without assistance, though the guys stayed behind him anyway just in case. He needed to find Logan, and he didn’t care what he had to do. Not anymore.

Virgil looked at the staircase and took yet another deep breath before walking down, one step at a time deliberately clinging to the handrail like his life depended on it, each step was agonising but he let his determination to protect his husband take over and the adrenaline did the rest. He wasn’t sure what to expect when he walked back into the living room, but it certainly wasn’t the scene that appeared before his eyes.

Patton and Janus were placed onto two different chairs. Roman looked pained as he refused to move from Janus’ side, he was desperately trying not cry as he constantly checked for a pulse every minute of the still, unconscious man. Virgil almost felt sorry for him, but he refused to let sentiment cloud his judgement now, he had done that far too many times already and look where that got him. Patton was at the far end of the room, Remus had clearly sorted out bandages for him as his arm was cleaned up and dressed very neatly. He looked up in surprised before growling at Virgil, a rage on his face that he had never seen before. He swallowed lightly before speaking up.

“Where’s Logan?” He said in an assertive tone, it felt odd talking back to Remus, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. Remus took out a pocket-knife and spun in around in an attempt to be threatening. Virgil sighed once again in a more impatient manner.

“I just asked you where Logan is, and now you’re showing me a knife. Is that a clue?” He heard sniggering from behind him, and couldn’t help but chuckle mentally at how aggressive he was now being with his line of questioning. Remus waved the knife towards another room before hissing at Virgil this time.

“Go. Or I’ll finish what your precious husband couldn’t.” Virgil saw the knife tremble slightly, behind all of that bravado, Remus was breaking ever so slightly. Virgil knew that he could take advantage of this situation, so he sucked in some air and felt much more confident now.

“Ooh, not from there you won’t. Let me help you.” He took four steps forward until he was right in front of Remus.

“Now. Concentrate. Where is Logan?” Virgil spoke slowly with a patronising tone, something Remus clearly disapproved of.

“Alright. You asked for it.” Remus raised the knife to his shoulder and Virgil tutted at such an amateur move. He slapped the knife out of Remus’ hand, before slamming him up against the wall and knocking his legs out from under him. Remus gasped for air as he was left with a major disadvantage. He tried to get up but Virgil had him pinned down. He grabbed the knife and waved it around in front of Remus.

He crouched down next to Remus, he took the knife away and waited patiently. “Right. Are we concentrating yet?”  Eventually, Remus pointed weakly out of the corridor and Virgil raced out of the room. As he reached the kitchen, he stopped in his tracks when he realised that the back door was open. ‘God damn it, Logan’ He thought to himself, he winced as his legs began to shake with every step he took. He knew exactly where Logan would go. He opened the door to their expansive library and held onto the bookshelves for support until he reached a large bay window. Logan was staring out at the night sky, and the moon bathed him in a ghostly, white glow. It would have beautiful if it wasn’t so heart-breaking to see. Logan raised a hand up and Virgil stopped in his tracks.

“It would be unwise to be in my company right now, Virgil.” The rage in his voice palpable, but he knew that it was directed at himself and not Virgil. So he tutted and rolled his eyes before staggering over to the space next to him in the window.

“Who said I was wise?” He smirked and he saw Logan bow his head in an attempt to not smile at Virgil’s comment. They sat in the window together and Virgil forced Logan’s arms open from their crossed over state and snuggled into them, he felt Logan relax and embrace him properly. He knew what was going on in Logan’s mind. He was hating himself, he was angry that he succumbed to the mind control, he was angry that he hurt Virgil and he was angry about all of the things he said while he was being controlled. Virgil let them sit like that for a little bit longer before he decided to speak and try to calm the chaos that was definitely going on in his mind. He sat up and placed a hand delicately under Logan’s chin so they were looking each other in the eyes.

“Lo. Listen to me. None of this was your fault. Okay? Nothing you said or did was your actions. I’ve been under that control before, and trust me. It is powerful stuff. I know you didn’t mean anything you said. Don’t ask me to forgive you, there is absolutely nothing to forgive. Please, Lo. Let’s just leave with Thomas and Nico, let’s move on and forget everything.” Logan’s eyes welled up with tears, and Virgil knew that he was trying to think of something to say that will allow him to still feel bad about the situation.

“I… could have hurt you. Fuck. I could have killed you.” He grabbed Virgil’s other hand and squeezed it tight as he tried to stop himself from crying.

“Honey, it’s a hard feeling to come to terms with. I’m not going to tell you to forget about it, but I just want to remind you that we’re both here. You didn’t hurt me, and just proved once again that you are the strongest person I know. It takes a hell of a lot to fight Remus’ mind control, and the fact that you overcame it as quickly as you did shows how incredible you are. I love you to the ends of the unknown universe and back.” He smiled at his husband, and all Logan could do in response was pull him into a bone-crushing hug. They held each other for until they heard a loud cough at the door. Thomas had just taken a photo of the moment on his phone and Nico slapped his shoulder in response.

“Guys, we’re losing our window to leave. The others are still in the main room but are pretty pre-occupied. Let’s just grab our stuff and go!” The boys came up to Logan and Virgil then pulled them off the bay window. As they made their way down the corridor, Virgil saw their packed bags and a feeling of hope started to race through his body. They were finally going to get away, he could start his life again with Logan. One without looking over his shoulder, one where safety and security was guaranteed. He went to hold Logan’s hand but then out of nowhere, he felt something wrap around his waist and drag him back into the main room. With a yelp, he was on the ground and he remembered that he was completely unarmed and vulnerable. Virgil sighed and accepted his fate before looking up to see who was standing over him. It certainly wasn’t who he was expecting it to be.

“Roman?” Logan, Thomas and Nico rushed into the room after realising that Virgil wasn’t with them. They all gasped in shock. Roman had fallen to his knees and was gripping onto Virgil’s shirt. He held his hands up, unsure what to do in this situation. He could feel tears soak into his shirt and he couldn’t help the little stab of sympathy that he felt in his heart. Roman was never one of the real bad guys, he did what he was told but he was never as brutal as the others.

“P- p- please. Please, help him. I can’t lose him. I don’t care about Patton or Remus, I just need Janus to be okay. I- I don’t know what to do. I don’t want him to die.” Virgil felt torn. He shouldn’t be helping any of them. They’ve been hounding him, attacking him, they turned the love of his life against him. When he looked into Roman’s eyes, he saw nothing but sincerity. If they stayed and helped though, it just gave them more time to find ways to work out where the four of them had gone. That wasn’t a risk he was willing to take. He shook his head and extinguished the feeling of sympathy in his heart like a fire. He stood up without a word and walked towards Logan.

Logan grabbed his arm, stopping him from moving towards the open door, towards their freedom and stared at him with a look of disappointment making his eyes sparkle. Why was he stopping him? Did he not want this as much as he did? Janus would be fine… wouldn’t he? He raised an eyebrow at Logan, silently asking him to explain his actions, and Logan sighed heavily before uttering seven words that tore his heart in two.

“I thought you weren’t like them anymore.” Those words echoed in his mind and he knew he was right. He didn’t want to help them, but if he didn’t, this decision would break him over time. It would eat away at his conscious and it would ultimately destroy him. He looked at Thomas and Nico, they both nodded; agreeing with his already made decision.

“Alright. One of you go upstairs and grab my medicine bag out of the bathroom. Logan, you’ll need to take the lead here. You’re more experienced than me.” Nico ran upstairs and Logan kissed him on the cheek before running over to where Janus was lying on the sofa. Logan checked Janus’ airway as he heard Nico running back down the stairs. Virgil threw the bag at Logan who opened it up and grabbed out of few tools.

“Okay, Janus. You better be worth this.” Roman was already at Janus’ side watching Logan with suspicious but desperate eyes. As Virgil walked over ready to help Logan, but first he needed to grab a few things from behind the painting again… just in case they were needed. He rummaged around and smiled when he found what he was looking for before putting them into his hoodie pockets. He silently thanked Thomas and Nico for putting him in this hoodie.

He went to check on how Logan was doing with Janus, but he heard two loud gasps from behind him. He whipped his head around, this wasn’t good.

Remus had Thomas in a headlock, and Patton was somehow awake and holding Nico in a headlock as well. Virgil’s fists instinctively clenched up and he could feel the pain of his nails digging into his skin.

“Well, Virgil.” Patton chuckled menacingly.

“I guess I have a new deal for you.”