#bro they're gonna get their asses kicked

[exist101]

"GET BACK HERE!"

Spike ran ahead

[bluecollarmcandtf]

"Dude, I'm in your brother-in-law!"

Panic twists your gut as the bizarre scene sinks in! Those unnaturally clouded eyes are the trademark of Jimmy, your long-dead friend, and they're sitting in the skull of Carlos, your sister's fiance! The ghost is up to his usual antics, possessing yet another guy in your life without any regard to you.

"Did you imagine a tight gym rat like this would wear undies like these?" Jimmy chuckles, referring to Carlos' patterned boxers, "I mean how could you be so intimidated by a guy who's got hearts on his crotch?"

The underwear is the least of your worries: the man is supposed to be walking down the aisle in an hour! It may have been a dick move for your sister to get engaged to your high school bully, but that didn't mean you wanted her future husband to be late to the altar!

"Don't even bother asking me to get out of this body, dude!" the deep baritone of Carlos sings with Jimmy's cadence, "The only thing I plan on getting out of is this tux! Training like this needs to be appreciated, and who better to appreciate it than you? I'm sure you'd love to know what your sister is getting tonight..."

"I mean just look at these abs. It's like a rock hard washboard if you want a feel..." Jimmy winks one of his starkly blank eyes at you, "...speaking of being rock hard, it looks like you're enjoying this bonding time with your new brother-in-law. After all, Carlos does need to apologize for all the bullying he did in high school."

With a racing heart, you shush him and beg for Johnny to leave. He needs to return Carlos to normal before anyone notices! The wedding would be over if someone found the groom naked and flirting with the brother of the bride!

"If you're gonna be my new little bro..." Jimmy says with an unsettlingly accurate impression of Carlos' demeanor, "...then I think you should get to know me. Come on and grab my fat, meaty pecs; pinch my nipples; let me know who the real man is around here..."

It's hard to resist. You've only ever caught stolen glances at Carlos. The jerk would always shove you into a locker when he caught you staring in his direction, yet now he was begging for your attention.

"Come on, bro. Grab my athletic little ass and grope my crotch. It's the least I can do after targeting you for all these years."

Before you realize what you're doing, you find yourself rushing towards the shredded latino and pressing yourself against his exposed body, layered with dense musculature. Part of you still expected Carlos to kick you in the nuts and call you a slur, but his lips instead gleefully embrace your own.

"Damn, if I'd known being queer was this good, I woulda married you and not your sister!" he exclaims. You just roll your eyes, knowing Carlos isn't actually saying these things. Jimmy is just puppeteering his mouth for your amusement, "I bet having your dick in my mouth will be better than the tits of any girl! The only way a piece of crap like me can apologize is on my knees..."

You stifle a moan as all 200 lbs of the naked jock drops to his knees with a dopey grin. Carlos' soulless eyes stare at the tent in your pants like it's the most desirable thing in the world. It doesn't take long for him to unbuckle your pants and open his mouth...

...twenty minutes later, you're still catching your breath while Carlos slowly redresses.

"Now you can watch your sister marry this homophobic dirtbag and know that you've shoved your shaft down his throat," Jimmy purrs, enjoying his final moments in Carlos' form, "I'm not going to brush his teeth, so he'll have to taste you throughout the entire wedding."

You giggle at the thought of the guy wondering about the strange flavor in his mouth while reading his vows. Somehow, Carlos doesn't seem as big or intimidating as he once did.

"If it were up to me, I'd commandeer his whole life," Jimmy went on with a sparkle of enthusiasm in Carlos' clouded retinas, "I'd walk him out there in nothing but his heart-patterned undies and announce to his whole family that he's a flaming homosexual. Then I'd like to spend a couple weeks working his body as a stripper at the nearest club, and of course I'd come home to you every night..."

The idea of Carlos coming out to his orthodox family and working as a stripper is an insane one, but it did turn you on. It's too bad your sister's taken a liking towards him, otherwise, you'd tell Jimmy to go crazy with the guy.

"Imagine your old high school bully coming home to you every night, hot and sweaty from dancing all day, with a new skimpy costume for you to explore. Damn, I'd want you to find a new way to degrade me each night while I wore him. It'd be healthy, I think, after all he's put you through."

Jimmy's crazy ideas never cease to amaze you. A little time belittling Carlos sounds hot as hell!

You give Carlos one last kiss and remind your paranormal buddy that he has to leave soon. The stud frowns, looking sad that he won't be possessed by a gay spirit anymore. At least you know that if this man ever screws up, if he ever wrongs your sister, if he ever hurts her; Jimmy is just one seance away from charging back in his body and making this twisted fantasy come true. It's only a matter of time before Carlos screws up his marriage, and then he's yours.

You almost can't wait for your sister's marriage to fall apart, and it hasn't even begun...

[bravo4iscool]

Levi Baby🖤

The way I adore you for pairing Simon with a Chubby girl. I bring a thot to you if you're interested:

Bodyguard!Simon Ghost Riley x chubby f!reader

- He's newly retired , gets asked for a favor from Price for a friend's kid

- Said kid is a mid 20's thicc woman who is all business since she's a lawyer in Human Rights and involved with the UN.

- He thinks she's going to be a snob based off looks bc girl loves to dress and she does it well, she observes Simon as he is. Brooding, Haunted and Self Assureed with a drizzle of dark humor but loyal.

- They get off on the wrong foot [Simon was being an irrational ass forgetting his manners and respect], reader isn't scared of him and doesn't take lightly to being disrespect3d for no apparent reason.

- They're holed up living together under the radar since the thr3at to reader was pretty big seeing it was world leaders

- They're going to have to learn to live with each other, where Simon barks orders - reader is anamused and calmly condescends. He can't even get annoyed bc she's antisocial and a houseplant but he's trying

- doesn't help that he's so.so attracted to her.

*make this as suggestive as you want (give ghost heart attacks with her choice of home clothes please. We know he's touch straved, emotionally constipated and needed a therap session.

Make her stress him out by confronting all of that in her short fiery demon way please.

I hope your new year is sweet Love💋

oh lord. oH LORD. how can you write this and not think about me fainting😭 THIS IS- URGH- AMAZING AHHHQGACQGQVQZQZAVQ!!!!

i hope i can do this justice😭 normally i try to imitate simon’s accent but bro… i was just too tired to do it now, so i hope you can forgive me for that🥲

KEEP HITING ME WITH STUFF LIKE THIS OH MY GOD😩

not really happy but i tried my best :) also not proof-read!

(masterlist)

REQUESTS/ASKS OPEN!!!

“There’s no but’s!” Simon argues while almost dragging you—his protégée—along the hallway inside the safe house. “You’re in danger and it’s my job to protect you!”

“I’ve been perfectly fine on my own before,” you argue, trying your best to wriggle away from his grip. You hated it when he manhandled like that.

He turns around, his eyes fiercely staring down at you and you feel like they’re piercing through your soul. “Have you ever had the Taliban threaten you, huh? Or fucking ISIS? I don’t think so; so stop whining and follow me!”

You want to argue with him, tell him he’s not allowed to talk to you that way but damn, you knew he was right. Ever since you started working for the UN you’ve been threatened—you were getting used to it—but only by small groups not someone like the Taliban.

“We’re gonna stay here until the threat is eliminated for not serious anymore.” His statement leaves little room to argue but you’re itching to say something anyway. It’s wasn’t your nature to just shut up. You were a lawyer, you were used to arguing.

You grimace as you force yourself to accept your fate. You didn’t want to but in the end you knew Simon was right. So, you follow him, an annoyed look on your face. You hated it when he was right.

“It’s only temporary,” he grumbles as he kicks a door open and pushes you inside. “It’s not like I want it, okay?”

You only roll your eyes, throwing a halfhearted ‘whatever’ at him and inspecting the room he hauled you into. “This is where I’m gonna stay?” you ask him, a slight hint of defeat in your voice.

“Pretty much, yes. I’ll be on the other side of the hallway,” he explains, leaning against the door frame. “In case anything happened, of course,” he immediately adds; just so you don’t get a…wrong picture of this whole thing here.

“We got wifi here?” is you next questions when you turn to look at him, your arms crossed in front of your chest.

“No wifi. No contact to the outer world,” is his answer and you feel your blood start to boil.

“You have to be kidding me! How am I supposed to work then?” You throw your hands in the air, letting out an angry huff. “You can’t just cut me off civilisation!”

He only shrugs. “I can and I will. Work can wait, alright? Your life is more important now.” Again his voice leaves no room to argue but this time you won’t take it. You put your hands on your hips, looking up at him.

“You think that’s how it works? Then, please Lieutenant Riley,” you spit out his rank “fly over to the dozens of war criminals and tell them to stop too! Oh wait-“ you act shocked. “That’s not how it fucking works! You can’t expect me to sit still and look pretty while the world drowns in injustice!”

“Would make things a lot easier tho,” he mumbles under his breath while pushing himself off the door frame. “Just…do something that doesn’t require wifi or anything like that, alright?” Before you can even think of an answer he leaves, shutting the door behind him. Why the hell was he treating like some little child?

~

“How old is she?” Simon wants to know as he hands his old Captain the picture of you back. He’s sat on a chair, his legs spread, one arm resting on the back rest.

“Mid 20s,” Price answers, placing his folded hands onto the table. “She needs security and her father’s not really…trusting the usual companies; and since you’re nearly retired I thought you could use the job.” Simon holds Price’s gaze and nods along. “He trusts me, therefore he trusts you. She’s a lawyer, heavily associated and involved with the UN and human rights.”

“What are the details?” Simon slightly tilts his head, curiously raising his eyebrows.”

“24/7 protection. The full package. You’ve done it before,” Price explains and Simon once again nods along. “Before you take the job tho-“ he pauses. “She’s, well… she’s a lawyer Simon. You need to know what you get into.” The Captains gaze hardens, his back straightening. “She won’t like that she’s on protection detail, therefore she’ll be treating you like that.”

Simon only smirks, flipping his well kept coin between his fingers. “There’s nothing I can’t handle John. I’ve met people like that before and I was perfectly fine.”

Now Price was the one smirking while shaking his head. “I know and I don’t question your abilities but she’s a civilian—the one you’re protecting. You can’t handle this the way you’ve handled other subjects before.”

“I know what I’m getting into,” Simon assures in a calm tone definitely not knowing what he was getting himself into.

~

“Fucking hell,” Simon mutters when he first sees you. You’re walking straight to you office—the one he was sitting in—involved in a heated talk with that seemed like your secretary.

He’s able to make out single words but well, his hearing wasn’t the best anymore after nearly 20 years of military service. And now he thinks he probably should’ve stayed in the field.

The way you’re waking and talking and dressing just screams ‘snob’ at him. He slightly lowers his head to gaze at you, once again playing with his coin. Maybe he should’ve declined the offer and taken on the underground wrestling instead. Would’ve been more fun for sure.

As soon as you spot your guest you send your secretary away, bracing yourself for the following conversation. You weren’t a fan of getting security and you definitely weren’t a fan of the fact that it was a friend of your father’s friend and he—apparently—was everything but easy.

“Lieutenant Riley,” you greet him, extending your hand to him. When he stands up to his full height you slightly crane your neck; the professional smile still on your face.

“Ma’am,” he greets in a gruff voice, the skin of his hand raw and calloused as he return the handshake. “Pleased to meet you.” He isn’t. He just wants to leave but he brought this on himself so he needs to finish it now. ‘One year’, he told himself. ‘Then I can quit.’

“I can only return the pleasure,” you smile, clearing your throat. “Would you mind sitting down at my desk?” You ask, pointing towards said desk. “I think it’s easier to discuss business over there.”

Simon agrees, towering over you as he makes his way over to one of the chairs in front of the desk. You take place behind it, carefully straightening your blouse. He needs to warn himself not to stare. Fuck, why were you so pretty? A pretty little snob…

~

“This has to be taken seriously!” Simon raises his voice at you, successfully blocking the door of your office.

“This is nothing I haven’t dealt with before,” you argue with him, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “So please, Simon, let me get out of my office and back to work.”

He huffs, “Not a change. You’ll be staying here until the threat is cleared.” He glances over his shoulder, loving and hating the fact that you had a glass office. “Are these bullet prove?” he asks, looking at you again.

You sigh, “No.”

“We’ll have that changed,” he immediately answers and you start to shake your head.

“We’ll have nothing changed! You weren’t hired to renovate my office!” You walk towards him. “Now, Mr. Riley, please step aside so I can continue working.”

“Not happening.” He straightens up to his full height, expecting you to back off but you do the exact opposite. You swat your finger at him, looking up.

“I don’t care what you think, you will stay here; if you want it or not.” His voice is stern and stoic and you need to do your best to not full on scream at him.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that,” you hiss, your index finger jabbing his chest. “I can make my own decisions, I’m a responsible adult. So don’t you dare talk down to me that way!”

When Simon doesn’t make a move you let out an angry huff and shake your head. Then you turn away and stalk towards your desk. “Fucking military man,” you curse under your breath, ignoring the way he stared you down.

~

You stare at your open suitcase, debating what to wear. On the one hand, you kinda were on your own, on the other hand, Simon was with you.

You were comfortable in your body—no question—you actually kinda liked the extra cushions but sometimes you felt like Simon was staring at you. Like he wasn’t able to take his eyes off of you and that made you…feel something. Something you were afraid of.

“Ah fuck it,” you say under your breath, fishing out some shorts and a shirt. You could care less about what Simon thinks. You both are only work related. Nothing else.

You tap down the stairs, walking straight into the kitchen. “You want something to eat?” You ask Simon, glancing at him when you hear him enter.

“You willing to make some?” he jokes, expecting you to say ‘no’ but when you say ‘yes’ his eyes widen and he pauses for a second. When you notice it you let out a small chuckle, opening the fridge and multiple cabinets to see what you could make.

“Any friends that’ll miss you?” he asks once you place a plate in front of him, looking up at you with curious eyes.

You shake your head, “Nope. Not really.” You sit down opposite of him, grabbing your fork. “Too busy to have friends.”

He tilts his head, blindly picking up the food either his fork. “No boyfriend?” He knows you don’t have one. You have no dates, no flings, nothing; but he wants to hear it from you. Maybe then his fantasies wouldn’t be so forbidden…

“Please,” you laugh. “We’d be divorced before we even married.” You take a sip of water and look at him. “I don’t have time for relationships and that kind of stuff. I have a target to pursue. Ain’t no time for distraction.”

He only nods in an understanding manner, playing with his beer bottle. “And you?” you ask. “You got someone?”

He shakes his head. “Nah. I’ve got you to deal with. That’s enough.” He smirks when he sees your facial expression, letting out a low chuckle. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for,” he continues joking. “But no. I don’t have anyone. Never really had.”

“Oh…” you say in an almost pitiful tone and he hates it. It not that he couldn’t get someone. He just didn’t want to. That’s a big difference. “Well not really different for me,” you then snort, slightly grimacing. You had this one guy ask you out for prom but that turned out to be a bet rather fast and after than you decided to not to date in school or university anymore.

Yeah sure, you were more chubby than other girls but that doesn’t mean that you’re not lovable, right? By now you were comfortable in your body—you were in your mid 20’s—but sometimes you felt yourself slipping back into the insecure girl you once were. The one who thought that no man would ever lay his eyes on her in a lustful or loving manner.

Simon’s itching to say something; to ask why you don’t have anyone… You’re perfect. You’re nice—even if he hated to admit it. You’re pretty, you’re so fucking soft… Did the men around you not see that?

“Simon?” You wave your hand around in front of his face, chuckling when he slightly flinches, his pupils blow. “Are you alright?” you carefully ask, eying him as if something was wrong.

But he only clears his throat, “Yes. Everything’s fine.” Then he hastily stands up and nods at you. “Thank you for the food.”

You watch after him as he leaves, a frown on your face. Was he really okay or was he just lying to you?

Simon on the other hand was probably turning red as a tomato. How could he allow himself to slip like that? Fuck, he needed to keep himself better under control.

As soon as he reaches his room he shuts the door and leans against it while opening his pants with shaking hands.

He had a—growing—problem and he needed take care of it. Now.

-

Approximately one week into the lockdown Simon finds you in the living room, crouched over a bunch of files and documents.

“What’s that?” he wants to know, looking over your shoulder.

“Work,” you simply reply, taking notes and pushing the papers around. You were so close, this close to finally finish this case but something was missing and it stressed you out.

He slowly nods, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “And how did you manage to get these files?”

“I’m a lawyer Simon. I have my ways and connections,” is your plain answer and you can basically feel him tensing behind you.

“What if they give away your location,”

“They won’t.”

“How can you be sure?” He tries his best to be calm but god, you were testing his nerves. He gave you strict orders and you were supposed to follow them.

You turn around with an annoyed sigh, looking up at him. “Because my father brought me those. You think he would sell me out to the enemy? I doubt so.”

You raise your eyebrow, waiting for any other complaint by him but be only looks at the files behind you, then at you again. “Maybe check the mission reports of the special forces.” With that he leaves you alone, more than confused.

You know why Simon told you what he told you when you find what you need exactly there. The mission reports were sitting somewhere beneath everything else because you didn’t pay much attention to them; in the end they were the solution.

Now you could finally link the crimes to someone and with that to the government or the military at least.

The next time you see Simon you almost jump into his arms, thanking him over and over again. “Now the case is finally closed,” you tell him with a big grin on your face, completely forgetting that you’re usually not so happy when around him.

Simon just awkwardly pats your back, pushing you off him and ignoring the burning desire deep within him. He knew it was risky to give you a tip but you were struggling and he didn‘t like that. He just hoped that you wouldn’t ask him why he knew that you should look at the mission reports. Once you knew that he was a war criminal this job would be over. And while you certainly were a pain in the ass sometimes he felt a very present attraction towards you.

-

Simon realises he’s a goner when he wakes up one morning and sees you walking around in a shirt. Just a shirt, as far as he can see and it does something to you. His hands are itching to touch you and he finds himself excusing himself more and more to the bathroom.

And you? You started to notice the kind of power you have over him and it makes you boast with pride. You, a chubby little lawyer in your mid 20s, has him, an almost 40 year old retired military Lieutenant, wrapped around your little finger.

After that you decide to play a little game. Wouldn’t hurt, no? Just subtle touches. Brushing his arm when you walk past him, patting his chest when he helps you with something, your legs touching his whenever you sit beside him.

He tries to shrug it off but you can practically feel how worked up he gets and how hard it is for him to keep him shit together; and that fuels you only more. How long would it take for him to break? To crumble beneath your touch, huh? You wanted, no, you needed to find that out.

Simon knows what you were doing. He isn’t stupid but he hates it. How was he so weak that you were able to play with him like that?

After a week, maybe two of you dancing around him he has you caged in against the kitchen counter, towering over you.

“What makes you think you can just play with me like that, huh?” he asks in a low voice, his eyes scanning your face for any reaction. “You think it’s funny? Working me up like that every day?”

You try not to be intimidated—or turned on—by him but god, he’s just- you don’t have any words for it. He’s tall, broad and fucking strong. You once got a look at the muscles under all his clothes and you weren’t the same after that. Nu-uh.

“I thought you like it,” you reply with a cocky grin, trying to overshadow your uncertainty. “Do you want me to stop?” You blink at him, acting all innocent and pure. In the corner of your eye you see his grip on the counter tightening. Oh, you had him where you wanted him.

A ‘bloody hell’ is all you get before his lips crash down onto yours and he heaves you on top of the counter. His hands find their way to your hips, scarred fingers tracing them and squeezing, wanting to pull you even closer.

The moment his lips touch yours you forget everything else. This is want you wanted—needed—for weeks. And lord, that man knew what he was doing.

You weren’t a fan of him dragging and pushing you around but right now? Right now you couldn’t wish for anything else. You bury your hands in the dirty kind strands of hair on the back of his head, gently pulling at them which results in him groaning in your mouth.

“Take me to the bedroom and maybe I’ll stop teasing you,” you breathlessly tell him once he breaks the kiss only to kiss you again immediately making you all hot and tingly.

You can feel him smirk against his lips before they trail down your neck towards your collar bone. “Ain’t gonna take you anywhere love,” he whispers and you’re able to once again feel him smirk against your skin. “Gonna fuck you right here on that kitchen counter. You want that?” he looks up at you through hooded eyes, which makes you swallow.

“Words love, words.” His tone is playful even tho you can see the desperation in the way his hands move all over your body, letting you see stars already.

“Yes…please,” you almost choke out, feeling like everything you want to say is being swallowed my your throat again. You’re unable to talk.

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Simon teases, straightening up to kiss your lips again, cupping your cheek. “Gonna take good care of you,” he promises. “I’m gonna show you how a real man treats you,” he swears and you can feel a familiar but also unfamiliar heat building in the pit of your stomach.

(i got scared to write the rest👍🏼. i’m sorry, i’m still new to writing smut😭)

[st4rb3rries]

summer activities with the main 4

pairings; stan, kyle, kenny, cartman x fem!reader (aged up 18+)

summary; going to the water park/gas station with them

warnings; cussing, mention of drugs

a/n; sorry for being inactive!! i love you guys hope you enjoy<3

key colors; blue= stan green= kyle orange= kenny red= cartman pink= reader

so i feel like you guys would go to the water park because it's so hot. kyle is the one who suggested it because cartman can't stfu. "what the fuck it's so hot" "then how about we go to the water park tubby" "DON'T CALL ME TUBBY YOU STUPID J- that's actually not a bad idea" "shiii im down it's hot as fuck" "fr" "but not as hot as hot as me😘" "who said you were hot in the first place🤨" so all of you guys walked back to your houses and to go get ready. we all know kyle is the mom friend so he brings extra towels, sunscreen, and floaties and puts it in a suitcase. once you all meet up you guys just decided to walk there. "god kyle did you not get the memo were going to the waterpark not the airport🙄" "WELL CARTMAN I WAS JUST TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU GUYS LOOK AT YOURSELVES YOU GUYS DIDN'T EVEN BRING A SINGLE TOWEL" "thanks for bringing us stuff mom ilysm🥰" "yeah yeah whatever let's just start walking" when you guys get there for some reason kenny and cartman BROUGHT A WHOLE ASS SPEAKER??? *random song playing on speaker* "AW DUDE WTH YOUR EMBARRISING US" "BITCHHH TURN THAT SHIT DOWNN😭" *kyle grabs the speaker and throws it into an "empty" pool* (rip to the kid who was in the pool) "come on stan and y/n lets go swim, but first we gotta put on sunscreen" "bro think's he's the main character💀" "im gonna fucking kill him" "bro thinks he's the villain 💀" your guys favorite thing to do at the waterpark is the slides for sure. or should i say it's you and kenny's favorite thing to do. "WOOHOOO WATER SLIDES Y/N LET'S GO" "YYASSS" "god they're so childish, real men make kids fall of slides" "CARTMAN NO-" so after you and kenny were finished with all the slides. you decided to invite stan because he hasn't done anything being the emo bitch he is🙄. "come on stan lets go next" "no" "yes" "no" he's only saying no because he's afraid he's gonna barf on you since. you guys have to hold each other tight on the slide. (it's in the rules😉) bro is not tryna get caught lacking with having a crush on you. yeah you guessed he finally said yes to you. "ARE YOU READDY STAN HOLD ON TIGHT" "oh god" *not even 5 seconds later* "BLEGHHHHH-" "EW DUDE SICK WTF" bro doesn't even say sorry cause he's too embarrassed. good thing kyle only saw you guys. cartman and kenny would've been laughing their asses off💀. "looks like someone threw a love bomb on you guys *wink*" "shut it kyle" anyways good thing kyle had his big ass suitcase prepared with towels and extra bathing suits. at the end of the day kenny is flirting with the life guards and cartman is torturing kids. but you, stan, and kyle always look foreword to the sunset each day and luckily. the water park has a perfect view for that so you guys were excited. (you guys got kicked out before the sunset)

after getting escorted out the water park you decide to go your local gas station for slushies and snacks. "you guys you guys w-wait up" "come on cartman walk faster" "CAN'T YOU SEE IM TRYING STAN WE JUST CAME FROM THE WATER PARK" "yeah like 2 mintues ago" "LAST ONE WHO GETS THERE HAS TO PAY FOR ALL OUR STUFF" all of you guys start zooming just to piss off cartman. "GODAMMIT WAIT UP" when you guys finally arrive (yes you guys waited for cartman) the cashier always has a look of terror on his face because he knows that you guys. might end up buying the whole store, or accidently set it on fire. "LOOK Y/N SOUR CANDY OUR FAVORITE" "BY THE WHOLE ROW RN" "oh no no no you guys we aren't doing this again." he's only saying this because one time you and kyle ate so much sour candy that you guys passed out. when stan saw you guys he thought y'all did c0k3 because there was white powder everywhere. in reality it was sour dust💀. so he's still traumatized from sour candy because he thought his best bud and future gf died. "stan relax we won't even eat this much this time, right kyle?" "righttt" meanwhile kenny and cartman are fucking up the slushie machine. "kenny i'll give you $5 if you pour slushie into your shoes" "alr bet"*puts slushie in shoes* "BAHAHA KENNY YK I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU $5 FOR THAT" "ik that's why im gonna drink it nothing ain't going to waste😈" "look kenny real men drink out of the slushie machine not their shoes🤓" "you guys are you ready to go🙄" "nah hold up dude lemme get my razzberry slush real quick" as stan tries to get his slush the machine literally explodes everywhere😭. "AH SHIT" "HAHA STAN YOU DUMB BITCH" "ah hell nah smurf nut exploded everywhere" "HAHAH SMURF NUT" "fuck it i say we make a run for it and never come back we can't this shit in time" "at this point yeah😭" "and you guys know damn well none of us brought cash" "NO WAY KYLE BEING A MAN FOR ONCE AND TRYNA STEAL WOAHHH😮" "SHUT IT F@T@SS THEY'RE GONNA HEAR US" "LETS GO THE CASHIER IS SLEEPING" "HELL YEAH FREE STUFF" "PURR LET'S GO😜" you guys ran out with all your snacks and never came back😭. but we all know kyle is gonna come back and repay for the damages and stealing. until he see's photos of himself and you guys on the door saying your banned. "oh fuck"

[oh-meretseger]

part 5 - The Party

attack on titan modern college au // Jean Kirstein x fem!reader

notes: mostly sfw, a little fluff (I’m posting the smut part tomorrow, it was SO unbelievably long I had to cut it😭 I’m unable to write shortly about anything smutty I’m sorry shdnxmdh), mentions of alcohol, drug use

word count: 3,6k

"MARCO!"

"WHAT" Sasha screamed as they froze and both her head and Connie's cake covered face snapped in perfect sync.

"Man, you made it!" Jean took the man in his arms with the happiest grin plastered on his face, Sasha, then Connie quickly joining them as they jumped right onto them. "Connie, your face!"

"Sorry, bro" he stepped back as he tried to wipe chunks of cupcake from his face, but the man's jacket was already smudged with cherry cream, just like Jean's shirt.

"It's okay, I wanted to wash it anyway" the stranger laughed, and you smiled at him as your eyes met. Jean's eyes shot to you as well, and he immediately jumped to pull you closer.

"Y/n, this is Marco, our childhood friend" he motioned towards him, and you accepted Marco's handshake, returning his friendly smile. His expression was warm and kind, freckles on his nose wrinkling as he beamed with joy. "Marco, this is our own little house rat, Y/n"

You gave Jean a death stare as he and Connie giggled like schoolgirls, his body jolting away from you as you poked a finger between his ribs.

"Nice, couldn't tell you were a wild animal at all" Marco deadpanned and you grinned.

"I'm not, I'm fully domesticated"

"You're such a jerk, why are you so rude?" you heard Sasha hiss at Jean thinking you wouldn't hear, but as always, they were unable to bicker without getting loud.

"I'm not rude, you just have a stick up your ass" Jean snarled at her. You shook your head, having zero clue why they were acting like brawling puppies all night.

"I'll show you a stick up your ass, JEANBO" Sasha yelled, and Niccolo sprang to stop her from trying to pull Jean's pants down without a second thought. In a second, they were a bundle of tangled legs and arms on the floor, shouting and kicking at each other.

You saw more sophisticated behavior in middle school.

"The fuck was that?" Connie's eyes widened at a loud BANG coming from the living room, and swiftly left the kitchen to investigate its source.

"Holy shit, it feels like I'm gonna have a seizure" you put your hands over your ears at the massive overstimulation, and Marco let out a heartfelt laugh. He quickly picked up two ciders from the counter Jean and Sasha were beating each other next to, then handed one to you and put a hand on your shoulder to turn you towards the door.

"Let's go outside. We'll check back when they're done killing each other"

A pleasant relief spread in your chest as you left the noise and complete chaos. Loud music became muffled as soon as Marco closed the glass door to the patio behind him, and soft laughs and chatter hit your ear of those who were sitting outside.

"Y/n! Let me help you with that"

You smiled at Armin and handed over the cider for him to, like the gentleman he was, open the bottle for you while you settled down on the wood bench next to him. "Thank you, Armin"

"Good to see you, man!" Marco reached over with a happy grin to shake his hand, then leaned over to shake Bert's as well. Annie greeted him with a small wave - they all looked at Marco with such a warm smile, you could feel how loved by everyone he was. "Annie!"

"Marco, s'been a minute! How's everything?" Armin asked while opening Marco's bottle as well, and you took a sip of the strawberry cider, sweet bubbles sizzling on your tongue as your eyes followed Marco's movements. He grazed his palm as a greeting over Mikasa's shoulder who sat next to Armin - she smiled up at him, but kept half an eye on Eren and Reiner, lounging on a pair of chairs a little further away, seemingly having a heated conversation over something sports related. Marco grinned back at Armin while shaking Reiner's hand, then taking Eren's as he mumbled a "hey, bro", immediately getting back to the vital argument they were having.

"Nothing much, working. I had to come and catch up with you guys though, how's uni life?"

"What the hell are they so pressed over?" you asked Mikasa in a low voice as you motioned towards the two athlete bros, trying not to disturb Armin and Marco's coversation.

"Don't even ask" Mikasa shook her head, her gorgeous black strands of hair moving around her face, shining in the faint light coming through the glass door to the patio. "It's just some statistics, or whatever. But Eren's been irritated all day, so even some stupid numbers can get him worked up, I'm afraid"

You looked over to Eren, lighting a blunt as he was listening to Reiner talk. You often saw his face around campus just like this, grumpy and unmoved by anyone and anything happening around him, but Mikasa knew him like the back of her hand. If she said he was unusually irritated, there was no room for doubt.

The grumpiness on his face seemed to quickly dissolve anyway as Marco and Armin's conversation started to spread across the table, getting Annie, Bert and Mikasa, then shortly after Eren and Reiner involved as they told you where they all knew each other from, what childhood or high school memories they shared, and how the strings of their lives still interweaved from time to time - even though everyone went on to different colleges, jobs and paths of life.

To answer their curious questions, you even talked about how you were completely new not only around this town, but to this whole state, attending this college being a fresh new start for you. And about how you were so happy to have met them here.

The small amount of alcohol and all the funny and endearing stories they shared made you forget about any anxiety you previously had about this party. You really felt like you were at home as you looked around to see their glimmering eyes, and faces glowing with joy as they laughed.

Even Eren seemed to forget about their super important battle of numbers with Reiner when they pulled their chair closer to the table to join memory lane.

"You want a hit?" Eren's hand suddenly appeared in front of you, holding the blunt that was obviously on its last legs. You turned your head to meet his low-lidded green eyes, and Reiner's eyes shot to you at your movement. He flashed his million dollar grin at you, and you bashfully smiled back at him. God, he was handsome.

"No, thanks" you smiled at Eren, amused at how much more relaxed he looked than before. To Mikasa's greatest delight, it seemed.

"Where are your glasses?"

"I've decided not to be short-sighted anymore" you shrugged, and Eren shook his head at your reply as a grin formed on his face.

"Yeah, you shouldn't let some object define you anyway" he played into your joke, and you nodded.

"That's what I'm saying"

"Where's your king of sarcasm by the way, Your Royal Highness?" Eren smirked at you, and you instantly felt yourself blush at the unexpected question. You dropped your eyes to look at your fingers as they started to fidget. You both knew who your king was, but at that moment, you would've done anything to avoid admitting it.

"I saw him playing beer pong inside, they're on a winning streak with Connie" Marco appeared next to you with two bottles in hand, cold and fresh from the refrigerator. You felt your cheeks getting even warmer as you looked up at his happy grin, accepting the bottle he held out to you. He knew.

"Thank you, Marco" you muttered, and quickly reached out to grab the bottle opener. You were more than happy to do something with your hands to hide your sudden nervousness.

"He told me about you, you know" Marco went on in a lower voice as he sat back down next to you, so only you could hear him.

Your heart started to pound faster in your chest. Jean told him about you?

"He did?" you replied hesitantly, not sure what to think. "And what- What did he tell you?"

"Well" Marco smiled back. "He told me about a cute little nerd he often annoys for fun"

"Of course he'd say that" you mumbled, fingers rubbing the bridge of your nose as you tried to hide the blush of your cheeks. Cute..? "I don't know about the cute part though, I'm pretty sure you misunderstood 'loser'"

"You think so?" Marco let out a heartfelt laugh. "I'm pretty sure I heard him right. Jean doesn't really gush over any girl, so him saying 'cute' caught my ear"

Your eyes dropped once again to your fidgeting hands, but you couldn't help a smile curving your lips.

"Could be anyone, a lot of cute girls compete to entertain him around campus on the regular"

"Jesus, you two really are the exact same person" Marco laughed, and you looked up at him flustered and confused at what he meant. "Look, through a difficult investigation, I found out he liked this smart, pretty girl with a bad eyesight, who likes reading her crime novels curling up under her nightlight, blushes easily, and whose bitter jokes he finds hilarious, but would never admit to it. I'm quite sure that can't be anyone"

You felt your stomach flip at the thought of Jean not only knowing you, but paying such attention to particular details about you. You couldn't have described the feeling even if you wanted to - but despite the sudden nausea and nervous fluttering of your heart, you couldn't help your smile growing into a grin at Marco's words.

You felt like you were on cloud nine.

"Are you sure Jean said that?"

"Yep" his bottle momentarily covered Marco's smile as he took another sip, examining your happily flushed cheeks under the dim light. "Why is it so hard to believe? I thought you both liked each other"

A few seconds of silence sat between you as you fought the tension straining your chest from inside. The tension that held you back from admitting your feelings up to this point, not only to someone else but even to yourself.

"I- I do. It's not that" you muttered in a small voice. "We've just been bullying each other for so long now, it's-"

You nervously paused as Marco let out a chuckle.

"It's hard to believe he'd look at me like that" you looked into Marco's joyful brown eyes. He truly found you and Jean floundering around entertaining.

"I know Jean. Believe me when I say he's actually smitten with you" he replied, making your fluttering heart almost jump out of your chest. "He's not gonna admit that though. You two like suffering in silence, as I can see"

You let out a quiet chuckle. As you looked at Marco's genuine, caring smile, you felt like this was the right moment to finally be truthful, that you were ready to open up. But before an honest answer could leave your mouth, the glass door to the patio flew open, and Sasha bursted out of the living room with Niccolo by her side.

"Guys, you won't believe what I just found in Connie's kitchen"

"It's nice to finally see you, too, Sasha" Mikasa replied to Sasha's choice of entry while Niccolo shook hands with the guys, already familiar to all of their faces.

Inside the house, the party reached its loudest, most chaotic peak. Loud banging of the music and shouting of the guests filled the basement, the kitchen and the living room. Guests being random faces of people not even Connie knew - the product of having your front door open to anyone without an invitation. But Connie couldn't care less.

Girls surrounded them in the back room, giggling as Connie threw the winner shot, jumping with a victorious yell as he hit the final cup. His audience was cheerful and tipsy, and that was all Connie needed to have an amazing and carefree time.

"I'll look for Marco" Jean waved his hand towards the living room, but Connie stopped him with a palm slapping on his shoulder.

"You can't leave me, we're on a winning streak!"

"You'll be fine, Connie" Jean patted Connie's hand gripping him, smirking over to all the bystander girls watching with gleaming eyes, waiting on their chance to join the team of the king of beer pong himself. "I'll be with Marco if you need me"

"But I need you NOW" Connie squealed, and Jean turned his back to him with a chuckle, shaking his head as he left the room.

Jean pushed himself through the sea of bodies moving and dancing in the living room, careful to dodge the plastic cups full of alcoholic beverages that all the drunken hands flung around in the air. Getting use of his height, his hazel eyes panned the room as he towered over most of the dancers, but beside a few familiar faces, he found none of the ones he was looking for. Not a sign of Armin and the guys, Sasha and Niccolo, Marco, or you...

He faced towards the stairs to the basement, but swiftly changed his direction when he saw a bunch of people occupying the steps. Knowing you and Marco, he was positive he wouldn't find you in an area so loud and crowded.

"Hey, Jean!" a shout exceeding the deafening music hit his ears and his eyes quickly followed its direction, Sasha's waving hand catching his eye. She pushed people standing in her way without a second thought, her eyes wide with excitement.

"Where are you guys?" Jean yelled as they reached each other in the crowd, and Sasha motioned towards the door to the patio.

"Y/n is out there with Marco" she replied, and Jean's heart jumped with a nervous beat as Sasha mentioned your name. "The others want to talk to you too, go!"

Sasha tapped his shoulder, encouraging him to step outside, then she continued her brutal way to the kitchen, elbowing and kicking anyone who was unfortunate enough to be in her way. Jean shook his head as he laughed to himself, then turned his head towards the patio.

With Marco?

What did Sasha mean you were outside with Marco? With Marco, like you two were only in the presence of each other, outside of the whole group?

Jean couldn't help a small little string of jealousy twist in his chest as he thought about you, and the first glimpse he caught of you tonight. How his heart was beating in his throat as you caught his eye, and how a mix of electric sparks and warmth spread in his body as he looked at yours.

The tight dress hugged your body just right, you tried to hide it under the oversized jacket, but the beautiful curve of your waist, your hips still showed underneath as you moved. He felt the blood rush right out of his brain, straight to his groin, as his eyes ran over the soft skin of your thighs showing where your pretty little dress was slit. He just realized tonight - he's never seen your knees, the curve of your calves, those delicate ankles... Jean immediately imagined them on his shoulders, and had to force himself to quickly shake off the thought. He's not a horny high schooler, for fuck's sake... The fluttering of his heart would've diverted his mind anyway as he gazed at your gorgeous face, your silky, soft strands of hair framing it as they fell to your shoulders. Beautiful, big doe eyes looked at Bert and Reiner as you talked to them, light glistening on your sweet lips as you spoke.

Fuck.

This was the second time he felt jealous today. What even got to him? Jean wasn't sure, but he quickly shook off these thoughts as he realized he had no reason to feel this way. He knew Marco, Marco knew about you, and you... Jean was pretty sure he knew where you two standed.

Waking from his momentary daydream, he pushed his way through the crowd of people to reach the glass door, then opened it to step out on the dimly lighted patio. Jean felt a sense of relief as a cool breeze moved the strands of his combed back hair and tickled his face. A similar tingling started to form in his chest as among the others, you caught his eye - sitting at the table, laughing wholeheartedly with that breathtaking smile of yours, as Marco put a blanket over your shoulders to protect you from the chilly night air.

Jean couldn't help clenching his jaw.

"Jean, where've you been? Want one?" Reiner called out to him with a grin as he grabbed a can of beer from the table. Jean caught the can flying towards him in the air, and threw it right back to Reiner with that same momentum.

"Nah, but thanks, Reiner"

As Reiner drew everyone's attention to Jean, all cheerful faces turned to him, eyes beaming with joy at the sight of him. You noticed that, and you heard the happiness in all of their voices as they greeted him, even though they'd already met earlier.

You looked at him. The Jean standing in front if you was so different from the arrogant prick you saw in him a few months ago - in this moment, it made perfect sense why he was so loved by every one of his friends.

"Jean, finally! C'mere" Marco waved for him to come closer, and your eyes nervously dropped to your lap as Jean's eyes panned over to you and Marco.

He looked exceptionally fine in the dark button-up shirt he wore tonight. Rolled up sleeves letting those damn perfect forearms be seen, collar hugging those damn beautiful muscles of his neck that simply screamed to be kissed. The dark trousers and the belt hugging his hips looked so mouth-watering, it made you want to rip them off when you put your arms around his waist earlier. Not even talking about how your stomach kept doing backflips as you looked at his pretty face. Stubble making his jawline look even sharper, his beautiful eyes under frowned eyebrows looking at Marco as Jean talked to him, the straight line of his nose driving your eyes right to his inviting lips, glistening a bit as his tongue ran over them before he bit down on his lower lip... His eyes burning right into yours as you suddenly became aware that you were staring.

He caught you.

"I'll be right back" you jumped to your feet, pushing the blanket off to the bench as you left the table. You had to be alone for a minute. This evening was becoming too intense.

"Where are you going?" Sasha asked worried as she put her arm in front of you, stopping you in the doorway, and you looked at her with a reassuring smile.

"Just to the restroom. Do you know where it is?"

"Sure, it's at the end of the hallway next to the stairs" Sasha's thumb showed the way, pointing back above her shoulder. "But I think you should use the one in the master bedroom upstairs. It's closed for all these randos, but you can go in, Connie wouldn't mind"

After getting the directions from Sasha to find the key, you pushed your way through the brutal crowd in the living room, making your way up the stairs between shouting, drinking strangers, even a drunkenly kissing couple. You fished out the key to the master bedroom from a plant pot, just like Sasha said, then easily unlocked the door, quickly closing it back behind yourself.

You pressed your back to the door with a sigh of relief. Silence, finally.

"What are you acting so grumpy for?" Marco laughed as Jean sank down to the bench beside him, right where you just stood up from.

"M'not grumpy, the hell are you talking about?" Jean frowned at Marco and accepted the empty glass he passed to him.

"You wouldn't be if you heard what we talked about" Marco smiled while grabbing a bottle of whisky, pouring some in the glass he just handed to Jean. That just made Jean's frown deepen even more with confusion.

"Why, what'd you talk about?" he asked as he slowly raised the glass to his lips, a wondering shimmer in his hazel eyes.

"You" Marco's finger poked into Jean's chest, and he just looked at Marco's entertained grin completely confused.

"Me?"

"You, man" Marco nodded. He was absolutely amused at the curious hesitance showing on Jean's face.

"And what... What did she say?"

"Well, Sasha almost blew it, but she did tell me eventually..."

You stood in front of the mirror above the sink, and examined your face while you washed your hands. You felt like you looked different. You felt different. Even though huge parties like this made you feel severly overwhelmed, you still felt an immense joy about how great it felt to be with people you grew to like so much, people you could call your friends.

And Jean...

It felt like a hundred little butterflies woke up in your stomach as you thought of Jean, and you smiled at your reflection. Maybe you were a little tipsy, but the usual embarrassment you felt when you thought of the dirty little memories you shared, was nowhere to be found. A knot of excitement started to form in its place instead.

You wanted to talk to him again. You had to hear him, touch him, feel him.

You burst into the bedroom, hurrying straight to the door, then just when you placed your hand on the doorknob, a sudden voice made you nearly jump out of your own skin.

"Where's the rush, smarty-pants?"

[rxptdevil]

South Park manin 4 Relationship headcannons

Warnings:minor sexual content aged up ofc

Stan marsh

Probably, has you sit on his lap while he plays his video games or when you would beg him to show you some affection because you miss him

“Baby ill go to the room with you in a sec just this last round."

Literally LOVES having morning sex with you

Every time in the morning, when you get up to get ready, he ALWAYS has to bring you back in to cuddle him.

You always come to all of his football games since you're a cheerleader. every time he sees you, he steals a smug glance at you.

And doesn't mind roughly fucking you after losing a game.

Kyle broflovski

Lots of study dates before he confessed

Literally kicked cartman’s ass when he called you a whore in front of him.

You always come to his basketball games to see how good he looks in his shorts to support him

“You did so good out there baby”you said while pecking his cheek

You guys probably have workout sessions together

You probably begged him to tutor you because you were failing most of your classes

Whispers how pretty you are in public

“Have I ever told you how pretty you are” Kyle said while stroking your hair

Eric cartman

Literally kept ripping on you until you found out about his feelings

You probably only go to his house because his mom cooks actual good food

Since he’s more wealthy than the other guys, he LOVES to spoil you a lot

Broooo I’m imagining him annoying the fuck out of his friends by bragging about you so much to the point where Kyle punches this man in the face

He probably doesn’t even share his food when he’s around you and ALWAYS has to steal food from your plate

Literally begs you for attention in public or at home

“Please babe can we go homeee” Eric said hugging you from behind

“Eric I’m trying to hangout with my girlfriends”

Kenny MCconrick

OMG, I don’t even know where to start bro man’s a huge pervert

Only goes to cheerleading practice to see how good you look in your uniform

Literally only begs you to tutor him so he can see tits look when you move over the table to help him with a math problem

Same thing as Eric brags about you to his friends

Bro, if this man’s wants sex he’s getting it, no questions asked

You literally always have to slap his hands away in public every time he try’s to tough your private parts

“C’mon babe let’s go in the bathroom” he said with a smirk. You already knew his plans

“Kenny! Your friends are here we can do this when we get home!”

“Aww screw them! there they're just gonna have to deal with it”

[pocket-jack]

"Straw Hat's and Heart Pirates met at another island"

Luffy: OOOOOOIII! Traffy!

Law: "Obviously happy to see him" Well, here we go again

"Penguin, Shachi and Bepo nodded to each other, when Luffy was running to his partner. Before Luffy could go for a hug, they covered their captain like a wall"

Luffy: Eh?

Law: What are you guys doing?

Shachi: Alright, Straw Hat! This play dates were going on for quite a while, but we cannot stay silent any longer!

Bepo: Yes, we won't!

Bepo: "Leans to Shachi and Penguin and whisper" Ahh... About what exactly we cannot stay silent?

Shachi: "Whispers back" Dude! Just play along!

Bepo: Ahh! Okay!

Luffy: What's that all about, Traffy? Did they got sick or something?

Law: That is exactly what I'm trying to figure out...

Penguin: Yes, we are sick! Sick of your lies and manipulations!

Luffy: "Confused" Eeeeeeehhh????

Law: Hey, guys!

Penguin: We know, you toying with our captain! You just gonna leave him when you'll get sick, right!? Our captain? But you're not gonna get away with it! We have the evidence!

Bepo: Oh! Wait, he does!? Where did you find the evidence, guys?

Penguin: Bepo! Shush! It's the bluff to make him scare!

Shachi: Yeah, you idiot! We just don't want our captain to get his heart broken, that's all! Who knows, what awful things this Straw Hat can do to him!

Luffy: What are you guys whispering about? Is it meat? Did I eat your meat and that's why you angry at me? Sorry, it smelled too tasty!

Shachi: What!? No! We were- wait a sec!.. Was that you!?

Penguin: Bro, he's changing the subject! Let's just beat the hell out of him, so he won't dare to lay a finger on captain!

Shachi: Ah! That's right! Those guys like you are always trying to seduce our captain! And that's our duty to protect his pure heart from such scumbags like you!

Law: Wha-!? Guys, enough with this nonsense! What the hell are you talking about?

Shachi: Captain! You were a person who laid us on the right track by beating the complete crap out of us that day! We're never gonna forget that!

Penguin: So we're gonna fight for your happiness! You're not gonna suffer from any of those fuckers who decided to toy with your feelings anymore!

Law: !...

Luffy: .....

Luffy: "Cracking his fists" I see... So that's how it is...

Luffy: "Smirking" Well, you left me no choice then!

"Shachi, Penguin and Bepo got scared. There was a big feeling that they're gonna get their asses kicked"

Law: Straw Hat-ya...

Luffy: "Slowly walking to them" You guys...

Shachi: Ahh... H-hey! You didn't heard what we said, huh? You must be deaf! W-we're gonna beat the whole crap outta you!

Penguin: Yes! If you d-do another step then tha-that's it!

Bepo: Guys, I have a feeling that we're the one who get our asses kicked

Shachi: Don't show your fear to him, Bepo! You are the bear! Growl at him or something!

Penguin: Yeah! Eat him, Bepo! Eat him!

Bepo: I can't! I'm a vegetarian!!

Penguin: Oh shit, we're fucked! It's your fault, Shachi! And Bepo's too It's him! Kill him, not me!

Shachi: Shut the fuck up, Penguin!

Law: Hey, Luffy-ya!

"Shachi, Penguin and Bepo slowly turned their heads to Luffy and swallowed hardly"

Luffy: ....I want........

Luffy: "Bowing deeply" To thank you, guys, so much!

Everyone, including Law: HUH!?

Luffy: Thank you for looking out for Traffy! I know, he might be a little grumpy and shy to ask for help, but I'm truly happy that there is people, who cares about his well-being!

Shachi: You... Do?..

Luffy: Yes, of course I am! Phew! I'm so relieved to know he's not alone! You guy's, please, continue doing a great job!

Law: "Blushing" Hey...

Bepo: So you do care about captain?

Luffy: Of course! I love him so much, I can't stop thinking about him! He had some problems eating when we were on our way to Dressrosa... Does he eat well? And sleep too? When I'm not with him I can't stop worrying about his well-being 24/7! But know that I know that you guys care about him as much as I do, I can finally rest at ease!

"Law's Protection Squad stares at Luffy in shock. And then they tear up. And then they gaved him a big hug"

Penguin: NO PROBLEM, STRAW HAT! YOU'RE A PART OF OUR FAMILY NOW, YA LOVABLE BASTARD!

Shachi: YES! KNOW, YOU'RE LIKE A BROTHER TO US, PLEASE, TAKE CARE OF OUR CAPTAIN JUST LIKE WE CARED ABOUT HIM!

Bepo: I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE A PERFECT PAIR FOR CAPTAIN! PLEASE, MAKE HIM A REALLY HAPPY MAN!

Law in the back completely embarrassed: You, guys........

____________

I've decided to call this trio Law's Protection Squad (LPS).

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Okay I literally never do this but episode 7 was so good I gotta do an episode review.

Spoilers ahead obviously

First things out of the way: FUCK FUCK WHY IS SHE HERE FUCK OH MY GOD JESUS CHRIST. When she slammed Mark into that crater I legit began hyperventilating (albeit very lightly). I was so not ready for her to show up and oh my god, the terror conveyed in Zazie's voice acting was legit. That fight scene absolutely kicked ass though, I got hyped as hell when Mark dropped that "no". Now that she's in the show I really hope she doesn't garner any fans because WOW they are gonna be in for a shock. And lastly FUCK YEAH ALLEN KICK HER ASS.

The breakup scene was fantastic. The episode focusing on so much of their relationship kinda made it clear something was gonna happen but when Mark changed up his schedule for her I was like "oh that's really nice" and then she showed up. As I said that was all fantastic, from Cecil's panicking to Amber's terror the presentation was great. Although now that they're broken up, I really hope they go somewhere else with Amber that isn't... that storyline.

REX IS THE GOAT. I love how he just tells Mark "pick a day and we'll cover for you". An absolute bro for sure, I'm loving his character arc. Can't wait for everyone to learn his origin and be like "oh shit" like after Eve's special. Speaking of which, do ya think we're gonna get a Rex-focused special about his origin like we did Eve?

Donald talking Rick down from the ledge and learning about himself in doing so was fantastic. We stan Donald. And man, am I glad they replaced Justin. Like, I know they had to after his actions came to light but also if I'm being honest I despised Rick's voice. Justin was good for silly characters but if I had to listen to him try to do the emotional segments I would've pulled a Rick (sanchez) and put my head in a lazer.

Still don't like Immortal's sad arc. Don't get me wrong, they're doing an awesome job with everything post Kate's "death" but the fact that we literally never saw anything more of their relationship than a shower fuck kinda makes it hard to feel anything when he talks about how sad he is.

Last but not least, OH SHIT OH FUCK IT'S HIM IT'S... *checks notes* Langstrom Sleazy...?

Look I'm sorry I like Angstrom and that end reveal was AWESOME and I am so scared and excited for what's definitely gonna be the plot of season 3 but also I can never remember his fucking name for the life of me and I have no idea why.

Anyway with Anissa here at least that means Thragg's not far behind. Hell we might see him next episode what with the whole prison thing.

[pagodazz]

Noah Maxwell hcs

for @freezingmcxn

I unprivated my Noah playlist just for this

(I honestly didn't know what kind of music to add for him. so I don't know if this will be him much at all)

One thing I can say for SURE is that I do not have the same kind of hcs for him as I do for everyone else, in fact his are very very angst oriented. so.

Tw for drug and alcohol abuse and shit (bc TT just acts like he doesn't have a problem, when bros literally an addict & alcoholic)

but I'm no where as attached to him like I am attaching to other characters so I cannot promise accuracy

-------------------------

Noah is the kind of guy that would sit in bed all day and wait for other people to reach out to him before be makes any attempt to reach out to them, because honestly, I don't think Noah will think of other people when he's alone. He's too focused on whatever he's dealing with to stop and make time for others unless they demand it from him.

He doesn't exactly mean to do it to be rude, he just genuinely seems to forget other people even exist when he's alone. Unless it's Milo or Kevin, sometimes he'll forget them, but they're usually people he keeps in contact with most, so it's hard to push them out of his memory. his excessive drinking and drug use also is no help with his memory, and neither is the collective.

--------------------

I think Noah often lays awake at night staring into the darkness seeing if he can see the faces of the collective, or even worse, His own face. So he gives up on sleeping, and he decides to focus all his attention to being online.

He probably keeps the lights on after a while, and he'll learn how to ignore the movement he sees out of the corner of his eyes and he'll distract himself by answering questions, or by ignoring everyone and just binging his favorite shows or doing his own half assed research.

----------------

I think that Noah tends to get sick alot, to the point where he can barley tolerate any amount of food in his system without feeling the instant need to vomit it all up. He probably even get in his head telling himself that he doesn't even deserve it, he hasn't worked hard enough to get these things he wants.

I imagine he shakes alot, hes almost frozen to the touch. You'd probably have to give him the biggest and softest blanket you have just to keep him kinda warm.

I also believe he gets aggressive when he isn't able to drink or take something, not like he's demanding to have it, but more like everything is annoying him and he's FREAKING THE FUCK OUT over being out. He cannot handle a single moment alone with his thoughts, he knows he will literally LOSE HIS MIND.

He hates silence for sure but he hates the sound of his own voice even more.

-------------------

Noah is a very delicate man, and he pretty much expects to be treated as such, but he NEVER is. He's kicked and beaten and thrown around and he gets back up, because he has to.

His ribs will ache and his lungs will burn and he'll hate the way he has to scrub the blood off his skin again and again, and he'll hear the sound of everyone laughing at him and he'll just feel so utterly humiliated by everything that he'll just have to completely hide himself.

He'll crumble over and just sob until he can't anymore and he'll find whatever he can take to ease the pain, and he'll take too much and he'll throw himself onto the bed and he'll start his routine all over again in the morning, and he knows that it'll only ever get worse for him.

-------------------

I think that Noah genuinely blames himself for the things other people are going through, even tho he has an AWFUL time showing it. we can use firebrand and prebrand as an example, they're both so FULL of guilt and that means obviously Noah is too.

Noah honestly thinks if he acts like he doesn't care at all, nothing bad will happen, but that's just not gonna work, because he can't stay away from the collective, they are coming to him. he doesn't have the option for escape like he thinks he does, he only has a choice in how he ends up. As a god or just a man who was useless and pathetic and has nothing to offer the world.

-------------------

Yyayy okay there's those,,, Patrick and Michael coming up,,, BUT. HONESTLY IM SORRY IF THESE DONT FIT HIM, I genuinely gotta rewatch tribetwelve when I'm NOT stoned out of my FUCKING MIND. I hope one of these works atleast

[noirvette]

WE NEVER EXISTED

[band smau]

[TWENTY]

masterlist.

prev. | next.

"Jesus, what happened to you?" Stan asks, staring at the bandaid covering Kyle's cheek.

Kyle scratches the top of his head, "Kenny."

"Damn he got you good, personally I wouldn't let something like that slide, but.. you know to each their own." Clyde teased.

Kyle stares at Clyde blankly and he just shrugs.

"Anyways.. are you two good? Like Kenny being here is.. obviously less than ideal, how are you guys holding up?" Nichole questioned.

You shrug, "I'm.. personally okay, Kyle took care of it for me.. obviously," You gesture towards his face, "I don't think Kenny'll bother me for a while, if he does.. I'll call you guys."

Stan frowns, "Doesn't Kenny have keys to your apartment?"

You slap your hand against your forehead, "Fuck, dude you're right."

Nichole puts a hand on your shoulder reassuringly, "You can stay with me for the next while as you get those locks changed."

You smile at her, "Thanks Nicky, you're the best."

"Of course!"

Clyde makes a sudden noise of excitement. "We got your gifts Y/n! Here!" He exclaims, handing you the bag he was holding and you take it.

"Thanks Clyde, uhmmm.. should I open them now.. or..?"

Stan shakes his head, "It'd actually be better to open them later, we have places to be!"

"Oh you're just a hater, you just don't want to get one upped by Clyde Donovan."

"Uh.. being one upped by you is definitely not my concern, but whatever you say."

"Boys.. your gifts are infinitesimal compared to mine." Nichole boasts.

Stan and Clyde turn to each other before turning to Nichole and bursting out with laughter. You and Kyle even sit giggling at the situation.

"WHAT? What are you guys laughing at?" Nichole shrieks.

"INFINITESIMAL?" Stan exclaims.

Clyde holds his finger up, "Infinitesimal." He says with that nerd voice.

"Oh I hate you BOTH so much and YOU TWO," She turns to point a finger at you and Kyle, "You're just gonna sit there as they laugh and make fun of me?"

You tried suppressing your laugh, "I'm.. I'm sorry Nichole they're kinda right for this. Nobody says words like that."

Kyle nods his head along with what you're saying.

"You all... I hate you all so badly."

You chuckle, holding up Clyde's gift, "I'll open it later how about that Clyde?"

"Mmmhmm, that works, as long as mine's first."

"Of course."

You set Clyde's gift down on your coffee table and Nichole and Stan set theirs beside it. The group starts to head out the door and you and Kyle put your shoes on and follow after, "So.. where we all going today?"

Stan grins, "Bowling."

Clyde whoops and jumps excited, "OH! I'm gonna kick your guys' asses. Get ready!"

"So.. Clyde what was that about whooping our asses?" Nichole smirks.

The tallied up score sat on the tv screen, Nichole had won with a score of 219, followed up by Stan at 201, Kyle at 183, and you managed to get 172. But Clyde came in last.. with a whopping 155.

"Don't.. I don't wanna hear it, Nichole." Clyde groaned, head in his hands.

Kyle pats Clyde's back, "You win some you lose some bro.. you just happened to lose."

"Oh thanks Kyle that reassures me soooooo much."

Kyle turns to the rest of you with wide eyes, mouthing an 'okay...' and Stan gets up, "That concludes our game.. you guys wanna look at what they got at the arcade part?"

"Absolutely!" Clyde springs up, "Now this.. is where I successfully win."

"Win at what?" You ask.

Clyde turns to you with a glint in his eye, "Everything.. my dear Y/n." and you roll your eyes.

Kyle going off to conclude the game with the workers and everyone else chatters about, following Stan towards the arcade games section of the bowling alley.

You stand next to Stan, paying your points for a zombie shooter game.

"So..." Stan trails off, "How are you holding up?"

"What do you mean?" You eyebrows furrow, taking a quick glance at Stan as he goes through the level modes.

"Well.. I mean you're bouncing back relatively quickly you know?"

"Is..is that bad?"

Stan sighs, selecting a level, "It depends.. have you managed to fully process everything? Or have you only managed to fully absorb everything happening on a surface level?"

You stood there, shocked. One, the level of maturity coming from Stan was outrageous, nothing against him of course but you never thought he could be so perceptive, good on Wendy. He had a point though.. had you managed to fully process everything? You were doing fine.. you believed.

You weren't as depressed about the situation as you were. You were mainly angry and upset that Kenny had the gall to do that to you, that Red did that to you, but you realized that tears spent on him wasn't going to fix anything. You always had a strict policy of no forgiveness towards cheaters and once a cheater always a cheater, so you really disliked the idea of keeping Kenny on the forethought of your mind, you wouldn't give him that.

"Dude you're gonna die." Stan casually mentioned, dragging you out of your thoughts.

You perk up, immediately getting into kill zombie mode, "Why would you ask this as we play this game."

Stan's face reddens, "Yeah that's not.. my proudest moment, but I couldn't stop myself from asking you."

You headshot a zombie in game, "I appreciate it, I'm doing okay, promise.. I'm hurting a lot less than I think I would.. considering how long Kenny and I were together but.. I have a strict mind policy towards cheaters and that's minimal tears shed for those who cheat."

Stan tilts his head at that with a nod, "Word, that's a good policy to have."

"It's the best."

Stan and you continue to play the level up until the "pay points to continue" pops up, Stan groans, "Oh I hate cash grab games."

You shrug, "The price to pay for games that are actually fun."

Stan puts the toy gun back into the slot and as you do the same he turns to look at you, "You'd come to me.. right? If anything haywire happens? If not me literally anyone? Nichole? Kyle? I'd.. say Clyde but he might not be the best.."

You smile bittersweetly, "Of course Stan. I.. promise. I really do swear that.. if something hits me mentally, I'll come to you, or at least someone."

Stan breathes a sigh of relief, "Good.. Wendy's been dying to ask about you too by the way, she was nervous on reaching out because she wanted to give you enough space to cope through it too. I'll let her know you're good and that you'll.. reach out to her soon?"

You kick your heel into the carpet, "You can do that, I feel bad.. I've kinda left everyone on ghost for a bit."

"Yeah, you really know how to worry people.."

"Sorry.."

"Oh, I didn't mean it like.." Stan cringes at himself, "I am horrible at words, I didn't mean it like that, swear, that sounded awful oh God."

"Stan.. dude it's alright. I... got how you meant it."

Stan just nods and looks around the arcade arena, "Uhm.. you wanna play another game or..?"

You hum, "Yeah, let's play those racing games those are always fun to do right?."

"Oh hell yeah dude, let's go." Stan heads over to the motorcycle racing games, unfortunately for the both of you, Kyle and Clyde were already on it and the other was out of order.

"Sorry guys, you'll have to wait, I'm tryna kick Kyle's ass right now." Clyde shouted, unable to really hear himself due to the fans blowing right into his face.

Nichole, who was watching the two play look at you too, "Clyde's losing again."

"Again? This has got to be worst losing streak I've seen him have." You remarked.

"Mmmhmmm." Nichole hummed in agreement, "Sure is."

You take a look at both their screens, Kyle was way ahead of Clyde by the looks of it and by the look on his face he was determined to win. Clyde looks partly like he was desperate to win and that he was about to fall off the machine and give up.

Their game ends with Kyle winning and Clyde trying to finish with at least beating a few NPC characters, "Kyle, man, how did you get so good at these games?"

"Stan and I used to play these sort of games all the time growing up, arcade games was our thing."

You groan, "Does this mean I'm gonna lose against him?"

Kyle and Stan both chuckle, "Yup! The only person who's better than me at these games is Stan."

"Just my luck."

"Don't worry, Y/n, I'll go easy on ya." Stan winks.

Clyde finishes his lap and sits on the machine in despair, "I can't believe I lost... Nichole go against me in air hockey NOW, I need a win."

"Bitch, what part of you thinks you're gonna win against me in air hockey?" Nichole asks, bewildered.

Clyde hops off the machine, "I don't know but I know."

They walk over towards the air hockey table and you and Stan get on the motorcycle game and Kyle stays back to watch you two play.

"I'll let you choose the map." Stan says, using his points to start a new game.

"Watch me end up picking the hardest map.." You sigh, scrolling over the various maps to play before picking one that looked relatively easy.

The game starts and you both start off somewhat bad, Stan having not realized the game started and you not knowing half the controls.

The game's controls actually wasn't that bad, but trying to go around corners was a lot harder than doing it in Mario Kart, the constant tilt of the fake motorcycle made it difficult to find a proper balance.

You took a glance at Stan, who had a four person lead on you right now and grimaced when you saw how well he was doing.

"Here," Kyle stood behind you, leaning closer to your ear so you could hear him over the fans, "Scooch back a bit and distribute your weight to more where you're sitting rather than leaning too much forward."

You follow his instructions until your back meets his hand, indicating you're sitting where you should be, embarrassment floods your body and he continues helping you out, "Yeah there you go.. see? You want to keep your weight centralized on these things. That's the good thing about these arcade ones, you only have to keep your balance in the middle, rather than worrying about other things."

Stan notices out of the corner of his eye and briefly pauses, nearly ruining his lead on an NPC, "KYLE" he shouts, scaring the both of you, "Are you helping her? Oh my god you two are cheaters!"

Kyle backs away a bit, "Just a little.. she's up against you of all people Stan.. a little help doesn't hurt anybody."

"Just a little she's up against you of all people Stan." Stan mimics with a high pitch voice before clearing his throat and speaking again at his normal pitch, "Don't care, Y/n is doing is fine! Better than Clyde too, he was behind you by seven people, she just passed another NPC! See we have a three person difference now!"

Kyle crosses his arms and waits for the two of you to finish, "Yeah yeah, got it Stan."

The two of you finish your game in the same lineup, Stan first, and you in fourth. "See that was pretty good Y/n!" Stan compliments.

"Thanks," You hop off the machine, "Where'd the other two go again?"

"Air hockey." Kyle replied, checking his watch, "However.... the alley looks as if it's closing soon."

"Huh?" Stan turns to look at Kyle, "How'd you know?"

"It's 9:45 and the worker mentioned something about them closing at 10, we probably have time for like one more game before they close out the arcade."

"Mann... let's go get Clyde and Nichole."

The three of you head towards the intense ongoing game of air hockey, "You're still playing?" You inquire.

"Yup! I paid for 5 more minutes and I'm up four points and I intend on keeping that four point lead." Clyde says, his focus entirely on the game.

Nichole is well focused too, head and eyes following every movement of the puck flying around.

The puck flies towards Clyde's side and he jabs it quickly and it flies sliding into the goal of Nichole's side, "WOOHOOOOOO FIVE POINT LEAD BABY LETS GO!" Clyde punches the air in celebration.

"Oh don't celebrate yet, Donovan. We still got three minutes and I plan on destroying you in those three minutes." Nichole jeered, eyes narrowing on the puck, she hits it as soon as the air is felt against her skin, landing the puck cleanly into the goal of Clyde's side of the table.

"Oh what the hell, Nichole, that was a cheap shot!"

She shrugs, "Still got it in though."

The two continue on as the three of you watch and then soon the buzzer goes off, ending the game, Clyde having won.

"YES YES YES YES YES" Clyde exclaims, jumping around the table, "I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT!"

Nichole rolls her eyes, "We get it.. you did it.."

"You're just mad you lost against me at this."

"Oh shut it Clyde."

"Nuh uhh... you can't make me shut up you're a loserrrrr and winners make the rules."

"???? The hell are you on about?"

"Okayy.. let's go before we get kicked out, I can feel the workers' eyes boring into our skulls." Kyle stammers, ushering the group towards the door, mouthing a 'Sorry, so sorry' to the worker he passes.

The group stood in front of your apartment door, keeping the conversation going as to prevent you from going inside by yourself.

"You're sure you wanna stay here for the night?" Nichole asks you, worry laced in her tone.

"I'm sure Nichole.. I promise nothing is gonna happen to me tonight."

"What about if we stay the night here? Hm? Can we do that?" Clyde pleads with you.

"You guys don't have any clothes over here! I.. where would you all even fit? My apartment isn't that big you guys."

"Stan and Kyle can cuddle together on the couch, boom done. I can take the floor, boom done. Nichole and you can sleep in your room, boom done." Clyde quickly states.

"Yeah, that would wo- Stan and Kyle do what..?" Stan sputtered eyebrow raised.

Clyde looks over at Stan with a bright smile on his face before turning back to you, "See! Problem solved!"

"What about the clothes..?" You pointed out.

"......If we get our clothes and meet back in less than an hour would you.. agree..?"

"...45 minutes."

The group cheers and run down your apartment hallway, "BE BACK SOON Y/N!!"

TAGLIST: @captivq @kimiesstuff @bwljules @the-cooler-kira @1one1person1 @kenny-the-ken @neenieweenie @n0tangeliccc @frogindisguise @revzxn @ryenwritess @mirophobic @gonefiishiing @musiclovebot @bootsieboo @bonez4brainz @s0l4riss @1996kj @sweetadonisbutbetter @scinclaitnoir @okarigold

[evilincoperated]

My thoughts on Episode Eight (Season Finale!!)

SPOILER WARNING AHEAD

- Aww no Luke :(

- Thats right set up the rules

- NAH WHY ARE WE BRINGING QUEEN SALLY INTO THIS?!??

- KICK HIS ASS

- The wave! Oh my gods that's beautifully done

- FIRST BLOOD YOU WORDED THE TERMS AMAZINGLY

- You're beefing with a twelve year old boy

- Sally?

- He wants his mom back

- ALECTO

- Girlboss

- He has to go

- THEYRE SO IN LOVE

- She loves him

- Bro you need an appointment to see Zeus bffr

- I love how they're setting up Luke and Percys similarities

- Bro is so cocky like you're bragging to a twelve year old

- Dog just listen for once

- OH PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE

- POSEIDON!! TOP THREE GODLY PARENTS IN THIS SHOW

- Youre gonna talk about having forbidden kids? Really?

- Thalia :(

- Hermes cant keep a secret huh?

- DAMN BRO IS TWELVE IS AND BEEFING WITH THE STRONGEST GOD

- He's finally meeting his dad

- Theyre talking about the word for father as father and son thats so sweet

- "Do you dream?"

- This is such a beautiful scene

- "Ares is a moron, of course we dream"

- "Do you dream about mom?"

- HE DOES HE'S SO IN LOVE WITH YOUR MOM PERCY

- Get back to camp

- THE HUG!!

- Clarisse's glare is so silly

- NO DONT LISTEN TO HIM

- DONT GO WITH HIM

- All the stops for King Percy

- The gears are turning in his mind

- "You'll be betrayed by one who calls you friend"

- "Clarisse didn't steal the bolt, you did."

- "I am your friend"

- Luke is such an emotionally complex character and its amazing

- Charlie's acting is so good

- You've gotten so much better Percy its amazing

- ANNABETH! QUEEN

- Wait no scorpion???? :(

- "Wait Percy?"

- "Im 90% sure its Peter"

- Mr. D is so funny i love him

- Final Seaweed Brain of the season!!

- SHES GOING TO DISNEYWORLD OH MY GOD

- The smile he's so in love

- HE GOT IT YIPPEE

- WAIT NO NOT THE SEA

- "Nobody's checked the Sea (of monsters)"

- THE HUG

- KRONOS, HE'S GETTING CLOSER

- WAIT NO ANNABETH IN THE SHADOWS?

- "Grandpa..."

- "Don't call him that"

- We dont get to see Gabe get petrified????

- Percy no offense but i don't want to be a part of this world

- OH WAIT

- SALLY IS DIVORCING YOU HA!

- QUEEN CHANGED THE LOCKS HA

- LMAO HE PETRIFIED HIMSELF

[tomatoswup]

FlowerShop Stampede (Headcanons)

✿Welcome to Flowershop Stampede! ✿

Here, we offer the best quality in Floral. selections!

Weddings, Birthdays, Parties, Bouquets?

We cater to any event!

Come and Visit Today!

summary: trigun characters working in a flowershop,, what could go wrong?

characters: vash the stampede, nicolas d. wolfwood, meryl stryfe, milly thompson

warnings: none, meryl running wolfwood over, vash's horrible flower arranging skills, etc :P

category: headcannons

A/N: this was fun to imagine tbh hehehe,,, i'll be writing an extra bonus one shot stemming from these headcannons but first imma write the other things I have planned for right now! I was thinking about writing these up first and scheduling them ahead of time but what's the fun in that :,) i may not be the best writer but thank yall for reading my things,,, also i'm so tired from a recent trip so half-awake-half-asleep editing

Vash The Stampede

One of the first part-timers at Flowershop Stampede!

A bit of a run-down flowershop, but Vash is very encouraged to flip everything around with work ethic and effort! :)

Roberto literally just watches as the new-hire speaks to the roses in the morning,,,,he just lets him do his thing

and i'm gonna be honest with yall, Boss-man Roberto puts Vash as the main floral consultant

because who can resist that adorable face so kind?

"Do you really want just one batch? The chapel would be soo pretty if you added two more to fluff everything up :)" -insert doe eyes here-

yeah...give me 10.

also he's a bit of a people person sooooooo

literally has a natural green thumb, and the dude is majoring in botany

so theoretically he's the most practiced besides Roberto,,but he doesn't flaunt that around. he really just likes nature and this is encouraged by his adoptive mother Rem.

BUT he doesn't hesitate to kick anyone out if theres' a problem or disturbance or a threat

Will fight a customer with a stern smile on the wrong day.

One time, this rude ass man was yelling right into Milly's face because she dropped a bit of dirt on his shoes until Vash stepped in.

scary ass face bro what the hell,,, after a few tumbles and a broken pot, he kicked his ass out "peacefully".

cried a few tears after though.

"I hope he's alright... The cop gave me his number, what if I just check up on them.."

"Vash you had the right-"

"What if they died???! D:"

"They're not dead Vash.." sweatdrop

His brother Nai often looks down on his choice of profession and study. He thinks Vash should've studied more in International Relations or Humanities at most but botany? Seriously?

But since Vash's childhood was so...troubled. He just wanted to live in peace at this point, to breathe a little. He loves to help others but in his own way!

Doesn't hesitate to help people choose or decide on the right flowers,, he actually gives really good suggestions.

To everyone's surprise and utter disbelief, Vash is not good at making bouquets. At all.

Milly had asked Vash to make one for her when she went to quickly help Meryl unload plants from the truck and the girl came back to a very...bald.. bundle of roses.

"did i do it? :D"

everyone agreed that Vash doesn't really have a good eye at actually making the bouquets,, choosing the flowers yes! actually arranging them hell no.

bonus headcanon:

sometimes, Vash's prosthetic aches due to over-exertion. lifting heavy things around the shop, he forgets to take his breaks more often than he should, especially before the refitting appointment for his arm. so whenever it aches, Wolfwood takes his place and he goes in the back kitchen for a good 30 minute break.

when he gets home, he asks you to give him a shoulder massage and you gladly do.

you also nag at him for not taking his needed breaks to which he sweats a little and gives you a small smile.

he loves you for worrying about him though :,)

"babe plz take me back'

"vash i'm literally just gonna go get the IcyHot-"

"come back :,("

you cant help but give him a little peck on the lips before you go fixing his aches.

Nicolas D. Wolfwood

One of Flowershop Stampede's full-timers,, came in a bit after Vash started, roughly a good 6 months after.

No, he wasn't introduced to the job by anyone, he really just saw the Help Wanted poster in the trash and said "yup, this one right here."

also the man was broke aside for an odd job he doesn't like telling people for many reasons.

Now the man's here. Brown apron, gardening gloves, dirt on his cheeks and sunglasses laying on top of his head.

someone take a pic plz☝️

Alot of people including clients suspect he's a con-man but he just has the charm of a door-to-door salesman with the vibes of a con man.

bIGGG DIFFERENCE not really

a bit of a hard ass but has a good heart,, really good at convincing people to buy flowers.

Roberto doesn't like having him on consultations like Vash though since he goes off topic quite a bit stop rizzing up the fiance wolfwood her marriage is literally next week.

Has a specialty for making bouquets, specifically weddings and big events.

do you have a Quince going on? you want 5 big bouquets? Give Wolfwood a day he'll get them done by midnight tops.

Literally the two main bouquet arrangers in the shop are Wolfwood and Milly so they often call each other partner.

Old ladies absolutely love Wolfwood. He always tries to help them the best he can.

Carrying flower bundles, giving them suggestions on nice small bouquets nicely wrapped, they really love him and his little chest show boy button them up puT UR BADONKERS AWAY-WE ARE SELLING TULIPS

hates morning shifts with a passion, so he takes the night shifts often as Vash does who can't do mornings bc of class on certain days.

Overall, a tad bit aggressive yet charming worker! Takes pride in his work! in fighting too!

Meryl Stryfe

Flowershop Stampede's delivery driver! Also another full-timer besides Wolfwood.

If you spot her on the road with a big ass Ford F150 filled with crates and boxes filled with flowers and roses nooooo you didn't.

She mostly does the final parts of big orders, delivering and getting the sign-offs on orders!

Just delivered a big bunch of flowers for a bash?

"Sign right here for me and you're ready to go :)"

If you got a problem with her or one of the orders that were put in correctly or you don't wanna pay, she'll put Roberto on speaker for you 💖 or she'll curse you out AND THEN put him on speaker

best of both worlds.

Almost ran Wolfwood over as she was backing the truck up for bouquet pick-up.

He never let her live it down

"I don't know why you let her drive Roberto-"

"IT WAS JUST ONE TIME!"

no it wasn't

it was like the third but they don't have another driver.

also she's pretty good at getting flowers to their locations in record time to Roberto's dismay

the luck she has in not having gotten a ticket yet god damn. But she's still a pretty good driver! :D

Very good friends with Vash and Milly,, Whenever all three are on break, they go to the nearby coffee shop to get bread and coffee for everyone else working in the shop.

Milly accompanies her whenever theres' huge bouquets or arrangements to deliver so Meryl doesn't hurt herself.

And when she's not delivering anything, she helps the shop upfront by putting new plants out to display outside and inside the store!

Meryl appreciates everyone including the plants and works hard to show that she does!

Whip that car girl☝️ !!!!

Milly Thompson

Flowershop cashier and floral arranger! She actually works part-time due to her studies also.

She's a little oblivious but girl knows how to do her math real shit. Rings up the cash register in like a minute

"Next Customer! ^ - ^”

But she also does alot of the heavy duty shit around with Vash and Wolfwood.

Loading the truck, bringing in the crates filled with plants, strong millyyyy💪

Loves working there bc she's enamored with the stories customers and clients tell her and why they're buying flowers.

A proposal? Funeral? Someone just gave birth? Birthday?

People live very interesting lives and Milly finds it so fascinating to listen to them and how passionate they sound whenever they speak about their one and only(s).

Sometimes regulars who've known Milly well enough bring her pudding in exchange for a extra rose :) She's building up her little collection in the Kitchen fridge,

meryl is starting to get worried tbh

In Wolfwood's words, Milly is too considerate of a worker and he wants her to be more foots down but Milly politely declines his words of "wisdom"

Whenever Flowershop Stampede tables at any fairs or events, Milly likes to have fun gardening activities for the kids to come and enjoy!

Had her partner-crime Wolfwood convince Roberto to hold a Community and Kids Flower Bouquet Making class. Both Milly and Wolfwood leaded the event with pride.

And yes, all of Milly's family came and attended of course

Vash also did with Rem and a stubborn Nai who secretly enjoyed it

Wolfwood is now Uncle Wolf according to one of Milly's cousins.

milly: sooo uncle wolf what are the orders going out today?

wolfwood: milly i swear to god-

[sparkanonymous]

I didn't see! But episodes 7 and 8 got uploaded! YES!! Time for some more notes!

⚠️ Total Drama Reboot Season 2 Spoilers Below ⚠️

Episode 7

Damn, Priya has some muscle to catch Caleb.

Why did Zee sound different? Am I going crazy? Also, why was he watching them?

I'm... I'm sorry? JULIA, MK, your gay. Is. Showing! Holy fuck.

Damien teaching a squirrel how to finger gun.

YES, DAMIEN FOUND THE IDOL.

Chris did not hesitate to traumatize the campers. Fake killing his husband? No.

Why did they bring back the "is it real or is it cake" thing? I thought that trend ended years ago.

Look, I understand we need more interactions from the campers, but I always hated when the teacher would pick who we would work with.

Julia and MK just... they won't stop flirting.

Ah, so we have Zeemien and Priyaleb as a team. Perfect! (This is not sarcasm. I actually quite like it.)

So, for Chris to choose the teams, that just means that he's picking all the characters that have already interacted? That's pretty fucking lame. We needed some new interactions. I'm assuming that they did this just because there would've been practically nothing to work off of, though.

Wait, so when did Wayne and Raj figure out that Julia was behind Bowie's elimination? Did I miss something?

I like how Raj and Wayne just immediately accepted that Julia was just a part of their team and then immediately started torturing her by ping pong-ing her between their chests. Their dynamic is everything.

YOOOO OWEN!!

I'm so glad to see him, but he really should've gotten a different design. Also, I thought that these were two separate realities?

Oh, who fucking cares? IT'S OWEN!

I'm so happy to see Priya's knowledge on the show get used again, but why would she have studied Owen's moves in particular? Maybe she means his personality? Like, they're both pretty friendly. He was kind of a dumbass, though, as evident by the next scene.

Dawg, it's obviously cake. You of all characters would be the first to figure that out.

Owen's voice sounds kind of different. Like... it sounds younger. Did he change VAs? I'm going crazy, aren't I?

Ripper doggy paddling.

Both Wayne and Raj do not hesitate to beat up other contestants. Wayne might not understand what a battle cry is, but he charged at Priya and smacked her pretty good. Raj's kick could have probably broken MK's jaw if he had kicked just a tiny bit harder.

Holy shit, Damien could've killed Wayne had he not aimed correctly. He didn't even seem hesitant, either. That was a trident, dude!

Oh my god... a "This is Sparta" reference in 2023?

Julia kicking Raj and Wayne off the boat because of their dumbassery.

Damn, raw ingredients?

Raj and Wayne

Poor Chef.

"Very good, Owen; that IS the sound a doggy makes!" LMAO

THE FUCKING HANDPRINTS ON AXEL AND RIPPER.

Raj and Wayne... is it gonna be another double elimination with these two? They're basically asking to get voted off at this point, my god.

Yeah. I like Wayne and Raj. But yell at them, Julia!

Owen listening to the confessionals.

Chef showing his cooking knowledge. Look, he might make disgusting food, but he still knows something about cooking.

I like how MK and Julia are both suffering on separate teams, especially after that fruity ass scene at the beginning of the episode.

Wayne apparently knowing something about chickens. Interesting!

More bird trauma for the hockey bros.

The sad way Julia said MK when she sicked Owen on her.

Poor Raj and Wayne.

Axel, Ripper, wtf

PRIYA, WTF

Chef was so excited to help MK, and then he doesn't even help.

Actually, I hope Axel and Ripper are the double elimination. This is disturbing.

I'm sorry, MK did WHAT to fix her brother's posture? That was a fucking STICK in a CAKE.

Julia is such a kiss ass.

Caleb being smart.

"I don't know which Chris to eat!"

Damn, Damien is good at cake sculpting. He's still a kiss ass, but considering he's probably never sculpted a cake before...

MK foreshadowing killing Chris.

Owen taking cake Chef home with him... it's just canon.

"I biffed it good today." "Well, as long as you know."

Wait, Axel got eliminated? Not Ripper? After the whole sweat thing.

No, Axel and Ripper break up? Ripper sounded so fucking genuinely upset.

WAIT THEY ACTUALLY GOT DOUBLE ELIMINATED? Awesome?

Episode 8

Poor Damien. So desparate to keep the idol.

Caleb... running his fingers through her.

MK, why were you looking for Julia all morning? And why do you look so sad to think that Julia might be avoiding you?

What the hell, Zee? I want the girlfriends to talk, and you're back there eating your pants. :(

Zee, you really did say too much. MK and Julia are going to destroy you, and then the rest of the camp.

What the hell? Julia and MK trying to scare the secret out of him.

"Zee, I need to tell you something." "Please don't." "It's about Caleb!" "No, I don't wanna know-" The delivery from Zee, LMAO

Priya is so cute. But Zee is clearly struggling, girl. Poor Zee.

Zee, at least grab another pair of pants to put on your ass.

THE IZZY CUT OUT RIGHT AFTER THE OWEN EPISODE.

Julia able to carry the giant coin, but MK not being able to. MK is so unathletic. I'm actually kinda glad to see that diversity.

Priya obsessively brushing her teeth just to prepare for a possible kiss from Caleb...

Wayne and Raj unintentionally making the game so much more difficult.

Caleb catching the rock to save Priya. The timing to move for the kiss was a little too quick, though. And then she gets crushed by rocks. If they treated this like Raj and Wayne's injuries from last season, she'd be going home with a concussion and casts, but I know they won't.

Zee, don't fall for Julia's fake concern!

The fucking glare he sent Julia after stuffing a squirrel in his mouth. He knew what she was trying to get out of him.

Raj, you would've heard him falling.

"Why does it feel like something terrible is about to happen?" "Yeah, Chris's face gives everyone that feeling." LMAO Caleb serving something here.

"That looks... not safe." Caleb, nothing in Total Drama is safe.

"Relax, rabbits are supposed to jump." "... not that high."

Raj, just put your coin in the slot. "If you want me to go ahead without you, say nothing!" Well... at least that was resolved lol

Wayne, where are you going? Also, surfer Wayne. Canon.

Caleb calling Priya his girl. Possessive? Yes. Is it still cute? Also yes.

Zee using a fucking tire to block his mouth.

Julia's fucking evil face when Zee ran past.

Raj landing on the table in front of Chef and Chris.

"Did I win?" "No! And where is Wayne?!" He sounded so genuinely concerned.

DAMIEN WITHOUT HIS HAT.

I really don't like the music that keeps getting played when Caleb and Priya are about to kiss. What happened to the original romance que from Total Drama Island? That was WAY better.

Duncan and Courtney posters? They're REALLY trying to bring the nostalgia back. "The OG power couple." Yeah, maybe in the first season. After that, they were the absolute worst. (I'm kind of a Duncney hater.)

Poor Damien. They're playing on his trauma with Scary Girl :(

"Would that be good or bad?" "It can be both! That's what makes this show so magical!" He knows.

Also, why would Chef allow Chris to add the jackhammer bit? That is obviously dangerous, and he wouldn't have allowed these campers to go through that last season...

"Thanks for the ride!" "Reeeeal fresh this week." I'm loving this episode.

MK's a gamer girl? Does that mean she'll be Julia's gamer girlfriend?

MK lunging forward to bit Caleb's calf... I'm sorry, who did you say was an animal, MK?

Poor Wayne.

The overdramatic kissing scene... ugh, I hate it.

Damien celebrating Priya and Caleb finally kissing. He wasn't paying attention that much throughout the season, nor has he really interacted with either of them, but he's still such a sweetheart.

Asexual MK?

NO, ZEE!

Zeemien break up.

ZEE SHUT THE FUCK UP. Okay, he's getting eliminated.

Wait, why is Raj a hockey bag sniffer? ... We just gonna skip by that? ... Okay...

Damien, you're the neat freak. What the hell.

Chris, Chef... WHY ARE YOU TELLING SECRETS TO YOUR COMPETITORS. LMFAO

Why did anyone tell Zee their secrets? Most of them don't even hang out, nor would have told a soul those things. What?

CHRIS TRYING TO TAKE THE CAMERA FROM THE CAMERA MAN. Okay, that's fucking hilarious.

All of them glaring at Caleb. That's awesome.

Caleb, you ran after Priya. You had plenty of time to explain yourself, especially since it was still day, and the campfire doesn't happen until night.

AND THEY ALL HATE ZEE.

Julia, you're no better.

They put more marshmallows on the platter just to throw more at Priya.

Okay, at least Caleb is still here. At least for another episode. More drama.

Aight, that's it. I really hope the next episodes have fewer problems coming out next week.

[epickiya722]

As dark as a story JJK can get, I love there are moments that are funny, some being moments that when you actually think about it, it's funny. Sometimes it would be something so outrageous that you have to laugh.

The MC was already a powerhouse before the plot really kicks off. He is known to be such a powerhouse that some people believed he's the reincarnation of Mirko Cro Cop... WHO IS STILL ALIVE. That is a real person, folks!

The funniest thing Yuji be doing in fights for me is chucking things at people and curses. He has thrown cars, signs, etc.

Sukuna's introduction. This guy is known as the King of Curses and yet, Yuji is the first person of the story to actually humiliate him. He sasses him. "It's my body!" A 15-year-old sasses the King of Curses and even after he learns who he is really, Yuji is not intimidated by him in the slightest. At best, Sukuna annoys him.

Sukuna's outfit of choice in his soul room is a kimono with a bow tied in the back. He's a fashion icon, for real.

Nanami is the one who envisions the Gojo "I'll murder you" scene. He's responsible for that.

Jujutsu Kaisen has became known for jumping. A rather smart decision to do when facing a strong opponent. Like, jump that fool!

Speaking of jumping, Mahito has became a meme. Him getting jumped is pretty much why he set out to kill Yuji and Nanami, when you think about it.

Megumi had to take tame his shikigami to control them, except for the Divine Dogs. That means he had to tame frogs, a horde of rabbits and a damn elephant.

Nobara's weapon of choice? Hammer and nails. She's building houses out of curses with some voodoo thrown in there.

Shoko got her doctor's license by cheating. But she's still good at her job.

Gojo's forehead flicks are strong enough to send someone to Shoko.

Sukuna, during the Fearsome Womb Arc, actually waited for Yuji to switch back with him instead of immediately causing some havoc. The King of Curses, evil incarnate, waited.

One of the upperclassmen is a damn panda that's not really a panda.

Because Inumaki speaks in rice-ball ingredients, conversations with him will be funny.

Geto has an arsenal of squid curses. Where did they come from?!

Geto became a cult leader at 17. The biggest question I have is where the hell did a teenager get monk robes from?!

He was also called mommy by a worm curse. Was that foreshadowing? I don't know!

To think, later, his body is put in a nurse outfit. With lipstick and nails done, too.

Toji really had beef with kids. (Teen Gojo and Geto.) Dude even forgot his own kid's name. And it's probably the most ironic name of the series. MEGUMI'S NAME MEANS "BLESSING".

Yaga looks tough and he is, but this man has a weakness for cute things. Bro makes cute, creepy cursed dolls... I think we should hype Yaga up more.

Toji actually got in a fight with Red Lobster and Miruko's (BNHA) cousins.

Jogo got to live every fan's dream of being close to Gojo and Sukuna. He also got in Choso's face and touched Nanami.

Tengen's gender is "granny" apparently. They're so real for that.

Sukuna's right hand is Uraume and the reason being because they can cook.

Yuji is a fan of Jennifer Lawrence and will introduce himself as such.

Todo really beat Megumi's ass because his type are kind people. And when he was getting his ass beat, Megumi was gonna summon Mahoraga.

When Megumi finally does summon Mahoraga... it's against Haruta, of all fucking people.

Haruta tells Megumi "Fuck you" for that.

Nanako's technique is literally taking pictures. With her cell phone. I know for a fact she runs out of storage fast.

MAPPA be devious with the openings. "Oh, that character died? They're staying in the opening." "Oh, a city was destroyed? Here's a reminder during this fire ass song."

Choso and Todo's "false memories" of Yuji. That is all.

Choso's choice of hairstyle? High spiky ponytails. And it's iconic!

If you pay attention to the Sukuna vs. Mahoraga fight, you can see that Sukuna chucks a piece of the airplane at Mahoraga.

Before the fight really gets crazy, Sukuna comes out of a building with popcorn and soda. Mind you, the district was probably closed and evacuated.

Why did Megumi react like that towards Ozawa? "Oh, it's like that?!"

In dub, Nobara calls Mahito a "bitch".

Panda wants to punch a zebra one day.

Kenjaku is a dad and a mom.

Can't believe Gojo and Geto broke up in front of the KFC.

There's a guy who wears a costume that has him half nude. And he's funny.

Look, there's a lot of things.

[disapoimeq]

Hi stupid (???) trio hcs that make no sense

Idk their trio name lol anyways I'll probably be editing this from time 2 time

Randoms

Julius celebrates his birthday usually w others in like parties but he has a specific reserved time for when he spends it w Vince and Jesús

Jesús usually expects ppl not to hang out w him much in his birthday cuz yknow its Christmas and ppl are busy but Vince and Julius never fail to make it and they set their other plans aside 4 him!

Vincent hates celebrating his birthday and usually tries to forget abt it but Julius and Jesús don't allow him to n they make sure he spends it well and enjoys it!!

Tried to keep eachother calm in the anxiety episode but failed 💀

Julius likes writing

Jesús like crafting

Vincent likes painting DUH!!

#perfect team:)

Vincent likes going on long calls with em when he paints and Julius usually just leaves it in the background whilst he does other things,Jesús sleeps on call sometimes

Julius switches his wreath w Jesús' halo when they're bored

They rarely fight and when they do it never lasts LMFAO bros cannot stay mad at eachother

+Julius is usually forward or honest w his issues, Jesús doesn't wanna spend his time angry at any of them, and Vincent just needs a bit of time to himself and he'll feel ok with them again

Vincent prone to sickness

Jesús prone to injury

Julius too many near death experiences

Julius and Jesús like having long talks when they walk home together

Julius pours milk first 😔

Jesús does it either way

Vincent doesnt like the texture of cereal

Julius has bad allergies most the time

Vincent has asthma

Jesús gives good advice and never fails to encourage Vincent atleast a bit

Julius and Jesús like getting summer jobs so they can be co-workers

One time Jesús said a random ass joke but Vincent legit found it so funny bro still laughs about it even weeks later

Julius usually takes the blame when they get in trouble for stupid stuff

Sometimes they have to drag Vincent out the art room to have lunch with them or they just eat with him there

Jesús always puts his arm on their shoulders or clings onto them when they walk

JULIUS SOMEHOW NEVER GETS SICK so like he doesn't care if the other two are sick he still not gonna leave them alone

They don't take pics with each other much but when they do it actually looks really good/wholesome:)

Julius talks about them too much and brags about them all the time

Vincent questions most of their decisions honestly

Julius and Jesús childhood pals

They wanna be roommates in college smh

Sleepover fesitivies

Julius slept first in one sleepover n woke up to his face with scribbles and doodles 💀

Sometimes they get prank calls from Gandhi in the middle of the night and they're just like UGHHH AGAIN!?!?!

Julius sleeps first wakes up 2nd

Jesús sleeps 2nd wakes up first

Vincent never sleeps./j

Plays boardgames occasionally

Julius literally will do any dare you give him in truth or dare

Jesùs somehow always wins Uno

Vincent sucks at charades/heads up, actually just guessing games in general

Doesn't tell eachother scary stories, doesn't fuck with ghosts and minds their business 😭

Sleepovers usually occur in Julius' house but after school they usually hang out more in Vincent's

Julius is a heavy sleeper and only wakes up if the noise is really loud

Vincent kicks when he sleeps 💀

Uhh idk what else ill add later lolll 😹

[thewebcomicsreview]

Oh hey, Homestuck 2 updated! I was expecting this to be an 11/11 update since that's a Homestuck arc number, but it's the least important of those by far.

Egads! What a despicable plan, devised by a devilish dame with a dastardly disposition. The wretched wiles of a wayward woman with a penchant for the wicked. A hullabaloo most hideous and heinous, hammered out by-

One of the biggest mysteries of Homestuck 2 is who's narrating Candyland with Calliope gone, and the more narration-heavy style of the new team is really calling attention to that. This is very flanderized Jake English dialogue. Also a dramatically more active Jake English than we've seen all...ever?

Under no circumstances can you allow her to get to The Point.

Gonna have fun with that MacGuffin name, huh, writers? It occurs to me that Jake was supposedly a spy the whole time but this is the first indication that he's actually been telling the resistance anything instead of just calling himself a spy as a cope.

I like this art a lot. But also what the hell is Meenah doing here? Last time we saw her, in the epilogues, she was out in space and stole the Ring of Life from John before escaping into a server beacon. Did it lead her into the black hole (lmao get owned), or is this an alternate timeline ghosts? Are her eyes closed in order to drag out that reveal?

JAKE: Shit, sergeant! Cant you add her to the groupcrab? MEENAH: groupcrab MEENAH: cod damn thats good MEENAH: i just been callin em prawnference calls

As fish puns go, "Prawnference calls" is excellent.

MEENAH: idk but hypothetically speaking if i was posted up in my big mean bitch pants just gettin my empress on and you told me insturgeonts were tryin to shore up on some kinda mythic skaian artifact

So, Meenah has her eyes closed to prevent me from knowing if this is the alpha version or a doomed ghost, and now she's dropping very vague hints about what the plot point is. This does feel very homestuck, in that it's teasing out the reveals to maximize speculation. Skaia is, of course, related to SBURB, and thus this is confirmation of the fandom assumption that they're going to start a new game, without actually saying much else.

I have no idea why this air vent is Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff style, but Vriska kicking the sound affect is still funny.

The comedy quotient has increased notably under the new team.

VRISKA: John, she's a Vriska. She can handle herself! I'm sure she can take anything this fake-ass timeline can throw at her! JOHN: what?

Wait, John doesn't know? I thought "Everyone 'knows' candyland is fake and that why they're acting so weird they're just LARPing" was kind of my headcanon for a lot of the weirder candy stuff.

VRISKA: This whole universe is like someone's shitty RP, and everyone's out of character! None of this reads! VRISKA: Like, who the FUCK is Yiffy!!!!!!!! Why should I or anyone CARE????????

I'm so meta even this acronym

JOHN: a long time ago i was supposed to go back and defea- VRISKA: SNOOOOOOOORE! VRISKA: Your ecto-human-guardian-si8ling or whatever is pro8a8ly sending a squad of 8ozos to apprehend your ex as we speak. So I say the less we talk and the sooner we 8low this gru8sickle stand, the sooner we can get there 8efore we lose access to our shortcut. JOHN: yeah when you spell it all out like that i can see what y- JOHN: wait, WHAT!!! JOHN: why didn't you just say that earlier?! VRISKA: John. That's what I've 8een doing this whole time! VRISKA: Now, c'mon! Race you there!!!!!!!!

I don't ship them or anything, but this John/Vriska dynamic where John is kind of the oblivious straight man to all this wacky nonsense is one that Homestuck has been very light on since Act 6.

That was a good update. It was funny, it moved the plot along, and it gave us stuff to speculate about! And the art was really good!