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little-klng · 2 years

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My twitter was permanently suspended. Here's (probably) why.

oh hey!

so, my last tweets were on november 9th, where i said these things:

and thats. it. 100% of my twitter experience. other than this, its tweets from back in august when i was complaining that some nft bro hacked my account and performed a full takeover, which i fixed myself and reported the user involved (which went nowhere btw), and some tweets from when i made my account and tried to use it in 2019.

guess it was too much anyway! weird

to be honest? i personally cant find a single thing here that actually breaks any of the twitter rules. but just to be sure, lets check together, and you can be the judge of that:

The following is a complete list of Twitters 16 listed rules. Breaking any of the following rules can and likely will result in a temporary or permanent suspension, or even a ban. According to Elon Musk and Twitter, my account sometime around November 9th broke one of these 16 rules.

Important note: I have already sent in an appeal to Twitter, and assuming they still actually have "Support", they should have already seen it. The appeal has been in for a few days (i found out i was banned between the 29th and the 2nd) and remained completely ignored, as I havent had a reply even once. At this point, I'm posting this here to pose the question to you. Do you think that ive broken a single one of these rules? do you think that anything ive done is worth a permanent suspension? I dont actually care about getting my twitter back, since as you can clearly see i really dont use it. im posting this here because its 100% the clearest cut example of Elons Twitter banning someone for what can literally ONLY be a set, cut criteria that has otherwise only been speculated as suspendable, which is at the bottom of the post.

Violence

were any of these tweets violent? threatening violence? glorifying violence in any way?

Terrorism or Violent Extremism

did any of these tweets indicate a promotion of terrorism? were any of them indicative of extremist views? did i threaten any large groups of people based on their protected class while treating that class as a monolith?

Child Sexual Exploitation

did any of these tweets contain child sexual exploitation material?

Abuse/Harassment

were my tweets harassing or targeting anyone? were any of them wishing or hoping that someone experiences harm, violence, or death?

Hateful Conduct

did any of my tweets attack someone based on their protected class?

Perpetrator of Violent Attacks

did any of my tweets contain plans to commit an attack, or disseminate a violent manifesto?

Suicide or Self Harm

did i post anything, either towards myself or others, that seemed to glorify or encourage self harm or suicide?

Sensitive Media

did any of my tweets contain graphic violence or adult content?

Illegal or certain Regulated Goods or Services

were any of my tweets in reference to, containing, or attempting to advertise drugs or prostitution in or towards states or countries that regulate or criminalize that type of content?

Private Information

did i tweet out anyones private address, phone numbers, or other personal identifiable information without authorization? did my tweets incentivize others to do so?

Non Consensual Nudity

did i post adult content of someone without their permission?

Platform Manipulation and Spam

did i attempt to use twitter to advertise scams or phishing software? did i attempt to either amplify or silence information in a way that disrupted the twitter experience?

Civic Integrity

did i commit, or allege to, or spread misinformation about, election fraud?

Misleading and Deceptive Identity

does my twitter handle and twitter profile content reflect who i am? am i trying to impersonate anyone important in an attempt to mislead, confuse, or get a rise out of others?

Synthetic and Manipulated Media

do any of my tweets contain fake screenshots or altered photos in an attempt to cause reputational harm, such as in defamation?

do any of my tweets steal trademarked content or intellectual property?

...So, with that out of the way, heres the meat of my point. If you got this far and said no, i didnt actually break a single one of those rules, then it might interest you to know what i think i might have been banned for. I had "queer" in my bio, i had Elon Musk blocked, and i mentioned Elon Musk in a tweet. i also said in one tweet that i "wasnt a very big fan of twitters overall site layout as a new user". These are genuinely the only things in this entire account i can put close to something Elon would suspend me for. I want to highlight them, since again, there is genuinely not one single other thing to highlight here. Its the only options, until twitter support actually finds something suspendable in my account and tells me what it is directly via email. Until then, do with that what you will.

#twitter #elon musk #twitter suspension #reblog

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yourmoonmomma · 3 years

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This is a personal question for you so feel free to ignore but how did you get diagnosed with bpd? Also did you ever have any suspicions that you had it?

About a year or two after being diagnosed with FASD & ADHD, I was in the hospital again and the psychiatrist pulled my parents aside to warn them that if they "didn't get me under control" I would become "uncontrollable, like those with BPD". Which is simply... not how that works??? At all?? She also marked in her notes that I was "at risk" for being diagnosed at 18 with BPD. Later in life, during one of my hospital stints in university, a psychiatrist said to me "the reason we can't admit you, is because you have BPD. We don't like admitting people like you, you just get worse in wards, and ruin other people's recovery." Which again, is ridiculous btw!! But I was like wait hold up, I'm not diagnosed with BPD though?? And he's the one who told me the one from when I was 14/15 had indicated I'd probably be diagnosed later in life. AND FINALLY after my last suicide attempt in 2019, the psychiatrist who released me from my hospital hold diagnosed me with BPD officially and recommended therapy.

I definitely had suspicions! Growing up, my intense fear of abandonment and impulsiveness definitely aligned with a lot of BPD traits. It wasn't much of a surprise I had it, as I had assumed since I first heard of it that I had!!

#anon #bpd #suicide tw #bpd tw

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caffeinated-chaos-bean · 3 years

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Mid-2021 Blog Update

Hey guys.

So... It’s been a while. Quite a while... and I want to lay some things out as to why I’ve been gone and the blog has practically been dead in the water for half a year, if not for a whole year.

I want you to know that what I’m going to say will be in heavy detail. I’m comfortable speaking on it, and what information doesn’t just include me will be using either public details that I know I can share or will be put in a short and sweet manner.

This is your trigger warning: If you need to click off or scroll past due to the mention of extremely bad mental health, toxic relationships and households, the mention of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, please do so now.

. . .

First off, I’ve lessened the amount of time I’ve been online due to my mental health. I was put on antidepressants as well as told to take anti-anxiety gummies in November and will be weaned off of those starting this October. A lot of my family and relationship drama on top of the world practically shutting down and going into chaos thanks to COVID-19 just took a major toll on me. With so much on my shoulders, stress from living with said things on my shoulders, unsupportive family members, and an emotionally distant partner, I was at one of the lowest points in the life. I’d never had to be on mood-related medication in my life until last November. I’d always been able to handle what was thrown at me, but mid- to late-2020 was what knocked me down that low for the first time in my life. Suicidal thoughts came and went (they weren’t often, only when I couldn’t bottle my emotions up any longer but didn’t have a way to express them either), but even when they did, I knew that it was just in my head. I never once chose to act on them, because to me, that is not a way to solve a problem or escape your inner demons. All it does it put your personal suffering onto those around you -- your friends, family, and those who cared about you even when you don’t see it -- and it doesn’t do anyone any good. When my doctor asked me about suicide, that’s the very explanation I gave her. Yes, they happened, but I’d never act on them; it’s not a way out and it puts your pain onto others and only worsens the situation for the long-term.

Aside from that, though... I move on to other personal reasons for my absence that helped trigger what was mentioned above. Mid-August of 2019, my then fiancé's mother was murdered by two 17yr old boys of whom she and their family knew. Going off the information that was made public, one boy had mixed meth with marijuana prior to the killing. He claimed that my fiancé’s mother mouthed off and made a derogatory comment about his deceased mother, thus sparking the incident. While he claims to have only stabbed her once, the autopsy report shows that her head/face and upper torso were “hacked, slashed, and chopped” repeatedly with “various sharp, bladed objects”. Not only did they murder her, the two individuals also set the grass around her body on fire along with her home. When we found out about this having happened, I had no idea how bad it would have turned my relationship upside-down. My now ex-fiancé didn’t come from a great childhood, there was abuse and CPS, among other things. But he had managed and was a good person. He could make me laugh and tear up at his jokes, sang beautifully, and did everything to make those around him happy. When he lost his mom, it broke him. It shattered his very being, because not only did he know the two who caused it to happen, he also was unable to reconcile and make amends with his mother for what he went through as a child. He was robbed of being able to forgive and be on good terms with her, and it broke him. He stopped communicating with family, he took bereavement after being pulled from work by family the day it was confirmed to be his mother only to to fired 3 months down the line when he tried to go back (fuck Walmart for that btw), and was slowly becoming a hypochondriac. He stopped talking to me, he would cry in his sleep, and grief made him lash out as was expected. But as the days dragged on, his motivation and care towards finding a new job dwindled. He and my mother would fight endlessly and I was caught in the middle of it, as we all were in one household. There were times in which I would keep my phone on my leg and record for my own personal documentation should I need it due to how bad my own mother would belittle me, belittle my ex behind his back, and just scream and go off. When I’d turn to my ex for comfort, he wasn’t much help due to his own deteriorating mental health. He took to discord, specifically the Vampire the Masquerade community, as his escape from reality. He eventually would hardly talk to me at all, show no compassion, and at times I tried to speak with him about getting a new job or suggesting part-time ones that I felt would be easy and as stress-free as possible for him, I would be shooed away without a word; if I tried to further my attempt to have the conversation, he eventually got an attitude and would just say “Bye!” over and over again while shooing with his hand to get me to leave. There were many days where I’d get off work and sit in the bathroom for an hour and cry because of my frustration and how I felt stuck between two people I cared about deeply (ie. my ex and my mother).

My ex has since moved out and no longer lived with us. He and I are no longer together, and he has cut off all communication to me along with his family. He isn’t living in California anymore, really. He met up with discord friends and is in another state. That’s the last I heard from him. That’s the last his family heard. He doesn’t talk to us or attempt to reach out or respond when his family reaches out. I still very much care about him and want him to get better, but if he has to do so by being away from everyone, then so be it.

While I was letting - or shutting out, rather - the emotions I was feeling once he officially moved out, I relapsed with my anxiety tick; with my trichotillomania. I have a good number of smaller, thinned out spots in my hair from unconsciously pulling out strands of hair when my emotions didn’t know how to regulate. I’m still fighting to get this under control, as I do still catch myself doing it and so does my mother. It currently is not as bad as when my ex first moved out and I had to adjust back into sleeping alone and without someone next to me, but I do still pull. I am looking into trying to get my sister to order me a HabbitAware bracelet for me this Christmas in order to help get my tick back under control. I know its something I will live with forever and go in and out of doing, as there is no cure or medication to curb trichotillomania, but its something to help me be more aware of how often I do pull and to train it to no longer be a muscle memory response.

Most recently, I’ve had to stop taking melatonin. I’ve had bouts of insomnia since my ex left, and eventually I took enough melatonin to not only build an immunity to it but also a slight dependence. I was taking more than I should have been, and I noticed the signs of it and have stopped taking melatonin altogether. Due to this, I have switched to hempseed oil gummies. I take 2 before bed and they have helped wonderfully. But, due to how easy it was for me to become dependent on melatonin, I do plan to take brief breaks from the gummies to avoid a similar situation. I also do not plan on seeking an insomnia medication due to the same reasons. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I knew i was becoming addicted, and due to this I do not wish to risk it happening with a prescription sleep medication. I will deal with my bouts of insomnia as they come.

I also am conquering my insecurities towards others knowing I am a fan of Michael Jackson; a moonwalker. In elementary school (5th grade, 2009), I went through a heavy obsessive phase when he passed. I’d never heard of him, and when I listened to his music that firs time I was instantly hooked. I was ridiculed at school after I performed “Thriller” during a talent show; I had classmates going as far as saying that I must want him to kidnap and r*pe me if I enjoyed his music so much. I didn’t understand the gravity of those comments back then the way that I do now that I’m 23, but I still knew to an extent that what they were saying was in now way a good thing. I shut out his music from mid-6th grade all the way until this year. I hadn’t listened to a single song aside from hearing “Thriller” on the radio during October. For my birthday this year, I had a friend take me out of town and get away for a day. The entire time, she surprised me by playing hours of his music when in the car with her. It has since reopened that connection to his music and I’ve been listening to his songs with a fresh take, with the mind of an adult who can comprehend his words and understand finally what he’s saying for each song. As such, I’ve become more comfortable with others knowing I’m a moonwalker. You can have your opininos of the man, you can choose to believe the tabloids and junk media or make your own conclusions after assessing the details and documents of his life, but I will enjoy the same freedom of opinion.

I know this is getting pretty long, but I wanted to fill those who still might be checking up on this blog for any sort of update or spec of life coming from it in on what’s practically killed the blogs for a good chunk of time.

I do plan to slowly start doing stuff again after Halloween. I have a video made that I plan to post for Halloween and I look forward to letting Kikumi and the others be open for asks again. Until then, may the wind guide you all. I hope everyone can have a safe and wonderful rest of August. I will see you in October.

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mmmmalo · 4 years

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@overtrolled-liveblog‘s recent post on Gamzee made me realize that Gamzee’s first interaction with Terezi (Terezi attempting to hurt Gamzee and being angry when he doesn’t react) is also the basic dynamic of Terezi’s ill-fated attempt to “avenge” herself upon Gamzee around Game Over. I never understood why Terezi’s was manifesting for Gamzee in that interaction, but the repetition seems like a good lead. So here’s an attempt:

Aranea’s mind control is being juxtaposed with whatever allowed Gamzee to maintain his composure in Act 5. Sopor is an obvious candidate, as is his general early interest in avoiding conflict, but there might be something else to it...

2018. When Gamzee remarks (in the narration) that "it is dangerous to leave unarmed", the commentary has this to say: "It's probably not actually that dangerous to leave unarmed. This was probably something his goat dad told him a long time ago. But only to scare him, and make sure he stayed inside so no one would ever see him, because he was so embarrassed by him. Goatdad is probably one of the most sympathetic characters in the story. If Gamzee was your son, wouldn't you abandon him too?" Glib dismissal, veering sharply into needless cruelty. But it nonetheless draws attention to the narration's unreliability, moored as it is to Gamzee's POV.

2017. Speaking of unreliable: "You aren't supposed to eat that slime. It does funny things to a troll's head. // But you were never taught that on account of a lousy upbringing. Your custodian was always out to sea." Gamzee is evidently thinking the very thing he was never taught, but he attributes that thought to a higher power (the narrator) and thereby pleads ignorance of it? Or it could be read as an expression of shame: as Gamzee eats his pie, he imagines a stern voice admonishing him from over his shoulder. OR you might more literally parse the contradiction as the voice of two separate Gamzees sharing the brain space in some kind of daze...or you could call it simple memory loss. These are inclusive ors, btw.

2019. Anyway, Gamzee reaches the beach and we get this line: "You leave your hive and head out to the beach. There is no sign of your custodian. // You should not stay out here very long. The SEA DWELLERS are quite hostile." Commentary on his custodian's absence, followed by a voice of authoritative behavioral cautioning, as though a guardian were living in Gamzee's head. Immediately following this, Terezi manifests for Gamzee, though he doesn't answer immediately... so I suspect Terezi's manifestation will be an elaboration this internal division?

2020: "You're always down for shooting the wicked shit with anyone that who'll put up with you." Man... Act 5 is misery. The Miracle Modus is a picture of Gamzee's brain being fried to a point of being nearly inaccessible. Vivid flashing colors (like Jade's rich scents) are a mark of unfiltered EXPERIENCE sans language/reason (which is probably why Lord English's eyes are flashing), but here that means disorientation -- difficulty organizing sense experience...

2022: Gamzee says a prayer and Faygo gets launched out of his sylladex... is the Faygo the prayer? Jane launched wishes into the sky with the balloons on LOCAH -- but the balloon shape was inverted and transformed into Gamzee's bottles of "potion"... that association seems to be expressed more concisely here. Jane's case was also related to decapitation motifs, which I don't really see with Gamzee here... (aside from Terezi's general association with going for the neck) But at any rate, what is he wishing for?

2023. Gamzee standing in front of his sylladex is getting to me, even more so that his reaching into the sylladex. You are not SUPPOSED to be on that layer of the image. What are you doing. Is that safe? Are you okay?

2024. The conversation itself...continues to evade summarization. I'm going to just describe it piece-by-piece and see if I get anywhere.

Terezi deliberately misspells Gamzee's name in service of a joke: from 'gamzeez' to 'gamezez', highlighting its phonetic proximity to 'games'. Though I wonder if this disguises another sort of exchange: Gamzee goes down to the beach to find his dad, but instead finds Terezi. I'm humoring the idea that she is effectively functioning as the fatherly authority in Goatdad's place. But as the preceding panels indicates, that very notion of authority occupies a place in Gamzee's head that he remains somewhat...detached from? If Terezi gives voice to this aspect of Gamzee, the word blurring could obfuscate that she is saying "Gamzee" /twice/, such that her invitation to play games is an offer for Gamzee to pilot himself? (Which in the parent:child::head:body paradigm is not entirely ridiculous?)

Come to think of it, this is the second time Terezi has harassed someone on a waterfront (hi, Rose) and even then main subjects were a) haha your guardian abandoned you because you're terrible and b) a sense of hearing imploring voices in your head...

Terezi implies that she doesn't like Gamzee and is only inviting him in service of a joke. Gamzee ignores the ulterior message and accepts the given reason as justifiable... after which Terezi gets angry. But she doesn't seem angry that the implication was misunderstood (and her disdain ignored) but is rather angry that the arbitrariness of his selection wasn't itself objectionable -- /after/ which she confirms her own disdain by saying "no wonder Vantas can't stand you". The motivation for the joke became the effect of the joke...

"BUT WHO C4R3S 4BOUT H1M, W3R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 SOM3 MOTH3RFUCK1NG SH1TTY B1TCH3S PL4Y1NG TOG3TH3R!" as Rose said, "Still not sure if I'm being courted or trolled here." Terezi is making fun of how Gamzee talks but nonetheless seems to be attempting to bond with him here...?

With "keeping an eye out" and "you know how it is with family" back-to-back with Terezi's aggression, it kind of feels like Gamzee is likewise (successfully) attempting to bother Terezi... but his defense is his forgetfulness, like a taboo subject just slipped... the same is true of Gamzee's claim that he was never taught that sopor is dangerous, the legitimacy of which depends on Gamzee forgetting?

"The Bard of... fuck, i forgot" is literally a joke on Gamzee "forgetting" his way around anger and aggression, by way of the omission of Rage? Also, it's a generic phrase but John uses 'fuck i forgot' when reminded of his birthday in the Epilogues... topic of birthdays is significant since Gamzee parses his state of mind as 'spacing out' and 'losing track of time' -- a birthday is, in that context, a reminder of time's progression.

Twice in Gamzee's conversation he asks Terezi for a little bit more time before he plays the game with her. This again reminds us of Rose's procrastination -- which among other things represents a deferral of encounter with the Truth, again bringing us to forgetting.

2028. But interestingly enough, the motif of procrastination continues in the section with Karkat that follows: Karkat expresses apprehension about meeting his guardian before the narrative segues to Terezi, which is structurally resonant with Gamzee going to the beach for his guardian, only to find Terezi? Which again associates her with unseen authority figures...

Oh shoot, and the panel cuts from Karkat looking down through the hole in his floor to a low-angle shot of Terezi's skylight? As though she were below like crabdad. That seals it for me.

2030. Actually, I mentioned how Gamzee's flashing modus is related to the unmediated sensory bouquet that Lord English sees ALL THE TIME by having flashing eyes, but Terezi's room? Is set up to be exactly that sensory bouquet, all the time, with loud colors plastered and mixed haphazardly. I've mostly focused on Terezi's relation to English by way of their shared association with the Law (x)(x) but this is a fresh angle...

And since it becomes apparent that the scenes that /follow/ Gamzee's conversation inform the way it should be read, I would be remiss to exclude the Karkat/Sollux conversation between the Gamzee and Terezi sections... in which the ~ATH (til death) code is brought up, which proves central to Lord English's creation.

2026. "later on you would run this code in a fit of stupidity." Creepy! I always assume the narration to be bound to the present tense, like the character's POV, so this sudden interruption from the future is really unnerving. How does Karkat know this? Is that just a miserable self-assessment, like he knows he'll harm himself when he gets worked up? Is this Karkat planning to curse everyone, but renouncing his decision as a product of fate? I feel like this confusion nicely complements the paradoxical ~ATH code on screen (Sollux's double reacharound virus)

2027. "Speak of the devil" Sollux has manifested for Karkat... yeah I still can't make sense of this as far as manifestation goes. BUT I think the fact that chatlogs are likewise two-colored might mean that Sollux and Karkat's conversation is in some sense analogous to the code...? The architecture of the conversation is... accusing eachother of self-loathing and then agreeing upon mutual self-destruction (of the conversational log), which at least superficially resembles a program that exists to destroy itself and the medium in which it resides? Maybe...

Shot in the dark: the (much procrastinated) march unto Truth is a march unto Judgement, which means both God and Death. Thus Gamzee (the procrastinator who avoids truth) transitions to Karkat/Sollux (vaguely suicidal gesture in their conversation) transitions to Terezi (judge and executioner, associated with ultimate authority and thus God). That's my best assessment of the proceedings thus far.

#homestuck reread 3 #long post #gamzee #terezi #the law

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mystic-myrtle · 4 years

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So I try usually to not get too “opinionated” on here but this here gay exmormon is angry and tired of seeing mormons all over the internet pretending their church isnt’t hateful so fuck it:

If you are mormon you are not an ally.

If you are mormon you support a church that:

In 2015 forbade the baptism and confirmation of children of gay parents. Usually mormon children are baptized at 8. From 2015 to 2019 those children of gay parents had to be over 18 AND “renounce their parents lifestyle” to be baptized.

When, in 2019, your church finally felt enough social pressure to change this all they did was merely downgrade being gay to a serious sin. The gays can’t get baptized or take sacrament but their kids can. I guess. There was no appology. No admission of wrong doing. Not a single attempt to make right the hurt done, not just done in this instance but over YEARS of bigoted behavior

These hurts include: massive rates of suicide (Utah has one of the highest, and a huge percentage of that is LGBTQ+ people, especially youth, one of the groups most vulnerable to the myth of conversion “therapy” which the mormon church still endorses and even practices via their “mental health” companies,) a large amount of youth being put out on the street or more generally being rejected by parents so enamored with this bigoted cult that they would sacrifice their own children for it, and just generally making life difficult if not impossible for LGBTQ+ people in Utah.

You give your time (if you’re a fully practicing Mormon, that’s at least 2 hours (used to be 3) on Sunday, likely another hour for specific group meetings (gendered group meetings, btw. Another issue, for another time) your money (10% of your earnings if you want to go to the temple, which you’re required to do at least once if you want in to mormon heaven) and at bare minimum your attention and likely your vocal support to a group that does all the above.

So no. If you’re a mormon, you are not an ally. You’re a hypocrite who wants to pretend to be a good person without having to make the effort to actually be one.

And if you’re a mormon and offended by this? GOOD.

Ask yourself why you’re more offended that I’m pointing out the mormon church’s phobic actions than you are that your church DID AND CONTINUES TO DO those phobic things

Take a long, long look at yourself. Then make the decision to actually be the ally you’re pretending you are. Starting by quitting your cult.

Until you do that take several seats and stay the fuck away from my community.

#exmormon #lesbian #lgbtq #mormon #religion #rant.txt #rant #thanks for coming to my ted talk

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a-woman-apart · 4 years

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Watch "I'M BACK! WHY I LEFT YOUTUBE FOR TWO YEARS!" on YouTube

youtube

This scared me so badly, because this is EXACTLY what happened in my life, except it was all in The Reverse.

I graduated with an Associate Degree in Music Performance in 2018, but instead of running TOWARDS my dream/calling I ran hardcore AWAY from it. My pride in graduating only lasted a month before I declared myself Utterly Unmarketable and sought to go after a "real degree" and get a Big Girl career.

Between 2018 and 2020 I had major life changes.

My dad died of stomach cancer

I broke up with my neglectful boyfriend

I turned down a Full Ride to a major college

I hospitalized myself for Suicidal Ideation (Sept 2019)

I quit my job of 5 years

I started working for my best friend and became her Office Manager

I started dating the Love of my Life

I lost my friend group and peer support

I lost my mind and left college due to COVID-19 (but not before making one of my best decisions in taking a Screenwriting class because I WANTED not NEEDED it)

Started distancing myself from the toxic women in my life and definining Womanhood/Adulthood for myself

Visited my brother's grave after over a decade of waiting and got closure

Fully acknowledged my childhood trauma/abuse

Rediscovered my sexuality

Was disowned by who I erroneously thought was a close friend of 17 years over my political views

Joined and exited Unity2020

Turned in my car for repossession

Spent a week in the hospital after having a severe, paranoid psychotic break, but came out completely free of the vice of self-consciousness I was living under

You know what is nuts? I feel in many ways, I have completely reverted to who I was in the summer of 2011. I was off my meds, and it WAS mania, but personality-wise, the tempestuous, gum-chewing, cigarette-puffing, flirtatious, humorous, free-spirited ball of fire that drove all the way to Colorado on a whim wasn't rebellious, SHE WAS ME.

I just wasn't Me around the right people, and it wasn't the Right Time.

My inner Sagittarius moon would remain in a dormant state for almost a full decade. I would spend the next 9 years heavily sedated, sleepwalking through life, only alive at The Sound of Music.

It was Torture to feel so much but be afraid to express myself. I had to Hide while doing a major that demanded that I Command Attention. I am by nature "dramatic", "theatrical", "emotional", "expressive" but that part of me was so suppresed that I was frequently told I sang with excellence but without emotion.

Aside: During my 2011 manic episode, I spoke a lot about Doppelgangers. Without going into excessive detail, this is a German word that means "Double" and it is considered bad luck to encounter yours.

In the past 2 weeks, I have encountered people that look/sound like me (Josephine is Nigerian-Canadian and I am Nigerian-American and I kept thinking about her work even though I initially disagreed with her lot) and a woman with my name (different spelling) who was NOTHING like me and I also think might've had malice in mind for me.

I was DEFINITELY an agnostic atheist when I started this year, but as a result of undergoing so much weird shit I almost certainly believe in God, and yes, "God is a Woman." (More on that later)

Also, I realized that I really DID, as many teenage girls, "lose interest in math and science" but that was because of the terrible, unfactual way it was presented in my homeschool curriculum and by my mom, who was a Math major but whose disinterested detachment made every algebra lesson an excercise in torture.

I have always loved biolology and anatomy and I remember so much more chemistry than I thought. Geology class in community college was amazing and also helped me understand-- even more than the Theory of Evolution-- why young earth creationism was completely impossible.

As for math, I spent 15 years thinking it was my greatest weakness when I have had to use arithmetic in cashiering, my managerial work, and my monthly budget for the last 7 years. Also, as annoying as it was to hear constantly, my mom parroting "What you have to do to one side, you have to do to the other" (but in reverse) gave me the ability to do Algebra quickly and (mostly) effortlessly. I could never get A's, but I got a B in Quantitative Mathematics with no real help aside from occasional teacher input and the "Help me solve this" function of MyMathLab.

Here is where it Gets Weird. I am a Creative. I have been writing stories since I was 6 years old. I have loved Story all my life. My parents were in math and science fields and they completely lacked any creativity. COMPLETELY. It was part of why they were so religiously rigid, authoritarian, and draconian. There was no room for spontaneity or childish imaginativeness.

Looking back, I had major sensory and processing issues. I was likely speech delayed, I learned to read late, and I recently confirmed that when I am stressed my dyscalculia kicks in bad (it IS real). Numbers and symbols get really interchangeable (like an 8 and infinity symbol become kinda the same) which is why I had to recite phone numbers out loud to remember them or write them on colorful backgrounds so I can see them in my head as an image. Also explains my aversion to math but my ease with fractions (1/2 is half a sandwich, etc).

My spatial awareness is also shit when stressed. Before I turned in our car, I had earned the nickname "U-turn" from my boyfriend because on that Floating Death Machine left and right got completely crossed, frequently.

By the way, I struggled with right and left until I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD. I literally didn't understand the concept of a mirror and 3D space, meaning that the basic understanding that my right is someone else's left didn't come into play until I had an argument with my [now-deceased] brother about it.

What is so weird, is that because of years of correcting for these issues, my sense of direction, ON FOOT is good, if not better than most people. Also, once I realized that, given the opportunity, I very much do whatever I can with my left-hand, and that my hearing is MUCH better than I even thought, I am far less clumsy. Depth perception is still crap, but that is probably also because I was forced to spend years without the glasses I needed (and got earlier this year after living with chronic eye strain)

When I talk about these "issues" it is in line with female autism, but you know what? If really do have adult autism, then I am a Complete Boss because I have pwned that ho.

After being rehospitalized, a kind nurse suggested I may have PTSD and suggested medicine for insomnia and nightmares. It was extremely helpful. I had been looking into C-PTSD for a while, because I didn't think I had "suffered enough" to have "real" PTSD. But that isn't how diagnoses work.

Btw, I still have Bipolar I, Psychotic Features. Another kind nurse told me I don't need anti-psychotics, and no, I don't. I was given Zyprexa by a bitch nurse and it was like getting drunk. I stumbled the halls, almost fell over (possibly did) and woke up with a neon "Fall Risk" bracelet. Anti-psychotics also fucked up my menstrual cycle for years and I have had lingering hormonal isssues. Haha no thanks.

Anyway, I digress. Of course I am fucked up. I lived under family members who questioned my reality, attempted to crush my dreams, threatened me with physical punishment any time I behaved in non-neurotypical ways, violated my rights and interfered with my treatment even though I was a full legal adult, undermined my relationships, tortured and socially isolated me, etc., all under the guise "of knowing best."

In minority cultures, our darkness hides in plain sight, and ESPECIALLY in the Bible Belt, with its supeestition and idolization of familial hierarchy/patriarchy, victims of financial, spiritual, emotional, and physical abuse have no where safe to turn. The Long Arm of the Law is often Short when it comes to "breaking up the family", and women and children are victimized openly with little to no intervention.

On top of doing my Creative Work, I plan to create legislation to make sure that what happened to me and my siblings isn't allowed to go unpunished. We lost my older brother, and I almost died, too, but Enough is Enough.

The Time is Now.

P.S. If Josephine is an Air Nomad I identify as a Water Bender. I basically have no water in my astrological chart, but water signs bring me great comfort in times of need (and make bad romantic partners for me obviously)

Also, this is one Bad Biyatch.

I also found out I am an ISFJ, not INFJ. Yep. Gonna be a Playwright and Director. I want to be a part of the action, not just writing about it.

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abusedandromeda · 4 years

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Since this is my vent blog and I’m allowed to talk about whatever, I’m gonna talk about my first and last suicide attempt cuz I just feel like if I talk about it, I’d feel okay I guess

It’s been about a year and a half since it happened(April 4, 2019). It was an award’s night for the school. The thing is that it was supposed to be a normal day. I wasn’t really too hyped for awards, I was actually happier to finally force myself to wear a suit, and egg donor wouldn’t tell me otherwise! At least that’s what I thought. We didn’t even know what the fuck she was angry about, but I just know that us wearing that outfit, looking masculine, was the last straw. Like an hour before then, we were trying to shop for clothes and I said I wanted to wear a suit or something like that and she said it was fine, but we could also tell that she was in a bad mood and she just decided to take it out on me. I was so happy in that outfit, but she didn’t care how it made me feel. She never cared about what made me happy, just how I looked in front of her.

(Excuse the shit formatting, tumblr’s a bitch)It was white floral dress shirt with loose dress pants and black marching shoes. We had decided at the time to wear my tight swimsuit to flatten our chest because at the time we didn’t have a binder and we tucked our shirt in. I was so happy. It filled me with confidence, I felt handsome, don’t y’all know how rare that is? But once she saw us, she just blew up at us. It wasn’t like the usual shit she pulled like “that shirt’s too tight, change it” or “cover your legs since you didn’t shave”. She just yelled at us, throwing all her frustrations onto us. She called us fat, said we looked ugly in that suit. Said to stop “going along with this lgbt+ bullshit”(this was before I came out btw). I don’t really remember the entire one sided shouting match, probably because one of my hivemates was co-conscious with me(I think it was Aurora because she was too tired to convince me to not attempt suicide), trying to protect me, but I just couldn’t let them even if I had wanted to.

I could remember the worst part of it though. She cornered me in a room and we were forced to undress and get dressed in front of her, in a feminine attire that she gave us. We couldn’t say anything to her, like “can you please leave?” because I think, according to one of my hivemates, she had hit me and we were afraid of getting hit again. I felt dehumanized and humiliated, I felt like an animal. She just watched me as I got dressed. I felt disgusting. All those months, years even, of personal body acceptence, telling myself that my body was perfect with all its scars and stretch marks was just *poof*. All gone. I felt so disgusted in my body because I knew what she thought of my body, she’s told us many times as a kid and even tells us to cover up my scars, cover up our muffin top and fat. I just can’t describe the disgust I felt in that moment, nor can I use the analogy without disrespecting someone else’s trauma, but I just felt so exposed and disgusted and dehumanized.

But it unfortunately didn’t end there. She dropped me off at the ceremony(I don’t remember being dropped off so I must’ve switched with someone at the time), but when I came to, I was sobbing in a stall in the girls’ bathroom, stuck in a black frilled top without a bra and I think some floral pants. I kinda cried there for a while, but sucked it up. It wasn’t the worst we’ve been through honestly. If we could survive egg donor shaming me for cutting myself multiple times and survive being guilted for running away, then we could survive another random barrage of insults, something we knew we dealt with weekly. At least that’s what I thought...

We didn’t really care to smile for the award we had gotten. “Most Improved mathematician” it said. Even now I still have it, and it feels like an insult, like a small “you got it but at what cost?”, a middle finger to ALL of our faces. We’ll skip to the moments just before it happened. Aurora, one of my protectors, said something about having to stay with sperm donor. We were okay with that, so we started packing . If it weren’t for the somber mood that hung in the air, I would’ve laughed along with my hivemates. They always knew to treat it like it was any other day, any other joke, and I was happy to joke with them. I’m not sure how to describe it, but it was like a bittersweetness in the air, like acceptance but happiness that it was over.

But it wasn’t. It started with a phone call telling us to “get the fuck out of her house”. We shrugged it off, she said it a million times before(believe us, we’re “getting the fuck out of her house” soon). But next was a phone call from sperm donor, telling us to “go to sleep” and “it’ll blow over”. We tried to tell him that we had to get out of her house, but it didn’t work. He just hung up on us. Confused, we tried to unpack our bag before we got another phone call, from egg donor. This time, she accused us of shifting blame onto her in a way to make one of them feel bad or make HER look bad. It was fucking hilarious, how she’s worried about her self image above all else, but not the feelings of her own kid. One of my hivemates tried to tell her that we’re just telling it how it was, but in the end, she just told us to get out.

There were too many phone calls being thrown back and forth, with Sperm donor saying we should “go to sleep” and egg donor saying we should get out if her house. I was so confused, because in this situation, it was clear neither of them were talking to each other. It was a double bind. They just pulled back and forth and back and forth, never caring about how I felf. I was also scared, scared of what would happen if she came home and we were still in her house. I didn’t know what she’d do, but I was scared to stay in that house. And yet all he said was “go to sleep”. But mostly, I was heartbroken. Egg donor made it obvious she didn’t want me at all, she just saw me as a punching bag, something that could be used before being tossed out. And sperm donor..I knew he didn’t care about me. Instead of comforting me, he just told me to go back to sleep. Even when I was clearly hysterical, he just told me to go back to sleep and hung up on us.

I even wanted to run away and die outside, but I don’t know...I don’t know what stopped me honestly. And my poor hivemates were feeling how panicked I was. I couldn’t think, my hivemates were arguing over what the hell we should do and how shoukd they calm me down. And then I decided right then and there: There was a strap for my DS case that was sturdy enough to hold my weight and I could use the door to my advantage. Before they knew it, I locked my hivemates away from the controls of the body and started fronting. I can still hear them screaming at me as I prepared, but I couldn’t hear anything. I was so mixed with confusion as to what to do, fear because of the person I was supposed to trust, and finally...acceptance that my own parents didn’t want me.

So, I used one end of the strap and made sure to close the top of the door on it. Then I used a box, a treasure chest to be specific so I could stand on it. It crumpled a little under my weight, but held as I put my large neck into the make shift noose. I can only thank any God out there that I was hysterical, because I didn’t do the preparations right. Now I could hear them. Hell, I could even see them in headspace from the body’s vision. They were all clawing and pounding at the barrier; screaming, begging, pleading for me not to take this life away yet. And Aurora, my poor adoptive mother, could only look on as she was too weak to do anything.

It was too late. I kicked the box and their screaming reached a new climax and then...nothing. The makeshift noose had slipped. Sometimes I make jokes about me being glad I was fat, but in reality, I didn’t adjust it properly. I let my guard down and my hivemates came swarming in. They were just sobbing around me, holding me so tightly to the point where it hurt. I don’t remember who put everything away(It might’ve been Quinn and Windfall), but in another impulsive act, I took control and I reached out to a close friend of mine who had saved me from suicide before. I think I accidently almost triggered a panic attack from himself as I was sobbing to hard to say anything.

They told me that they’d get off work and talk to me after. For once, it felt genuine that night, so I decided to finally sleep. It wasn’t exactly a good sleep. The sheets felt cold and uncomfortable, like I was in someone else’s bed. But I could finally live for another day in the security of my hivemates. And to think it was all because I demanded freedom to wear whatever the hell I wanted. So that’s my story. If y’all made it this fae, thank you for reading. I’m fine now and I don’t plan on attempting any time soon

#toxic parents #toxic family #mental health #tw suicide #abuse #emotional abuse #talk of body fat #fat shaming #verbal abuse

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automatismoateo · 5 years

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Why the pro-life atheist movement is a sham. via /r/atheism

Submitted September 08, 2019 at 01:09AM by Justice_is_a_scam (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2LE2fH0) Why the pro-life atheist movement is a sham.

I approached a pro-life ATHEIST group https://www.secularprolife.org/ at my uni.

See, their banners were simple "You still have options if you were raped" something of that sort. Me being naive, I believed it was a women's rights group and accepted the pamphlet.

Complete with pictures of fetuses. They insisted none of their views had anything to do with religion or spirituality and that it was just coming from a basis that all human life is precious.

I ended the conversation on the basis of bodily autonomy but if someone from that group happens to be browsing, or if you get confronted by Secular Pro Life this is for you-

A pragmatic view on the abortion ban:

Let's skip through the philosophical arguments of where personhood starts, let's assume the position of "It's not the babies fault the mother got pregnant, regardless of how it happened."

Say we live in Ben Shapiro fantasy land, where we completely ban abortion in the United States and the autonomy of the fetus takes precedent over the autonomy of the mother.

Say we ban an ancient procedure 1 in 4 women have gone through. . Jones RK and Jerman J, Population group abortion rates and lifetime incidence of abortion: United States, 2008–2014, *American Journal of Public Health*, 2017, doi:10.2105/AJPH.2017.304042.)

Lets skip right to the results of this. What would be the reality of this result?

How do you enforce this law?

So, lets take the average woman in her 20s.

Statistically, she's likely more depressed than any other American women of previous generations. https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/major-depression-rise-among-everyone-new-data-shows-n873146

Statistically, she's likely more suicidal than any other American women of previous generations. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db309.htm

Statistically, she, and whoever got her pregnant, are likely to not want children than any other generation, across the globe, in the documented history of mankind. (https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/essay/millennial-life-how-young-adulthood-today-compares-with-prior-generations/)

Statistically, she's most likely to get an abortion. .https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/induced-abortion-united-states

Let's say this Woman is pregnant and gets an illegal and dangerous back-alley abortion now that all legal abortion is gone.

Surprise! You catch her in mid act. Police are called.

What do you do?

Do you strap her down for 8 months?

Put her in a chemically induced coma and induce delivery?

Do you milk her, too?

Then the $35,000 hospital bill comes in.

And then you charge her with attempted murder and put her in prison. Put the child in the foster care system, right?

So, the 900,000 babies born every year, a statistical majority of them are going to a foster care system that is not at all prepared for the extreme influx of children.

So you put this young woman, who is already at risk for depression and suicide, in an extreme hormonal storm she didn't want, (once again, elevating her risk of depression) restrained her (which would also elevate her risk of depression and likely her risk of mortality), and forced her to go through one of the most notoriously painful events in the world.

You just, again, elevated her risk of Postpartum Depression, Postpartum PTSD, and Postpartum psychosis. All very real things that most people protesting abortion, don't know exist. You likely tore her perineum and made her get stitches, you caused permanent changes to the human body. Her menstrual cup doesn't even fit her any more. She'll be bleeding for weeks, months, afterwards. She'll be exhausted and nauseous for days, especially if she were restrained for 3/4ths of a year. You increased her risk of vaginal and uterine prolapse.

You did all of this without her consent, without her getting any say in the matter.

All in a country with a RISING maternal mortality rate. https://www.thelancet.com/action/showFullTableHTML?isHtml=true&tableId=tbl1&pii=S0140-6736%2816%2931470-2

You made her put her body on the line for someone she doesn't know, doesn't want, her body took a hit for 9 months and suffered permanent physical and neurological changes.

How do you account for miscarriage? How do you know whether she deliberately killed her baby or if she went through a miscarriage? If she smoked during her pregnancy and had a miscarriage- will you charge her with manslaughter?

So we ban every abortion that doesn't pose an immediate and emergency medical threat to the mother-

Using data from 2014- that's

~1,852 girls under 12 years of age you would be restraining for 9 months and forcing them to go through child birth. (That's .20% of all abortions performed, btw.) Every year.

You ever notice how you can't find childbirth pictures online? Go ahead, try it. Full on, vaginal delivery, piss and feces, placenta and other birth matter. Find a photograph of the vaginal opening stretching and tearing (a very very common thing It's extremely difficult. You would think that for medical purposes, you'd have more than just drawings. Literally, all you ever hear about birthing is how great the process is, despite medical statistics telling us the exact opposite.)

Birth and pregnancy are so romanticized it has been killing women for centuries.

You would be placing 900,000 more babies into the world and removing 900,000 girls & women from the education system and work force.

Even if you believe a fetus is a person, banning abortion right now is the worst possible course of action, unless your objective is to restrain women for 9 months and force them to give birth.

Here's how you reduce abortion rates:

Petition to start initiatives and fund allocation to make foster care a healthier and sustainable environment

Petition to fund CPS so their investigations are thorough.

Petition to fund affordable birth control

Petition to fund gynecology care completely. Make that a requirement for insurance companies, like birth is.

Petition to close the terribly massive medical research gap on females. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/apr/30/fda-clinical-trials-gender-gap-epa-nih-institute-of-medicine-cardiovascular-disease

Petition to fund public education centers for children

Petition to fund public education centers for young women

Petition to fund SEX EDUCATION, teaching consent, birth control, and STD prevention. Make boys understand that getting a girl pregnant could seriously maim or kill her.

Normalize homosexuality. If people feel they are safe to pursue their homosexual preferences, less pregnancies and more adoptions will ensue.

Petition to allow homosexual couples to ADOPT and FOSTER with every agency.

Petition for a massive grant to be allocated for a systemic review of the adoption agencies, foster care, and CPS.

Strongly advocate adoption over IV and other insanely expensive and painful and unhealthy fertility treatments.

Petition to make sterilization more accessible and make sure boys know a vasectomy is healthier than the hormonal BC women usually take.

And lastly, petition to close the wage gap for women. If the wage gap is there because women have children and get pregnant- (as reddit likes to point out to discredit the protest)-that wage gap is a massive deterrent to continue a pregnancy. (Also, plenty of research accounts for time off and the wage gap still exists, especially in white collar professions) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender\pay_gap)

These are the protest signs they should be making. These are the facebook posts they should be sharing. This is what will save the lives of children and women alike.

If you're an atheist or spiritual person who philosophically believes personhood starts at conception, please think of the consequences of abortion restriction before supporting arguments and bills.

If you truly care about fetus life, you'd be focused on creating a world their mothers believe is worth living in.

Any other action is an extension of religious and non scientific influence on our society, culture, and politics.

TLDR There is no way to pragmatically enforce an abortion ban. Just thinking about it for a second destroys any prolife argument.

#reddit

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findingmypeace · 4 years

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Are your parents more supportive/encouraging now? We all need approval and validation btw. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you for needing it or for searching it out from the safe and reliable people in your life.

I would say that yes my parents are more supportive now. It only took them 30+ years to get there! My Mom started being kind of supportive a couple of years ago. She would make random comments about how I needed to keep down dinner or I should stop purging. But that was few and far between. And when I told her I was going to restart ECT in Oct. 2018 she told me, “You’re an adult. I can’t stop you.” and “You’re going to fry your brain.” instead of actually taking the time to educate herself about the procedure. I didn’t really get her full support until after my suicide attempt in Jan. 2019. It’s like that changed everything. Since then she has been more supportive. She even willingly took control of my meds as my psychiatrist had asked her to lock my meds up. But I still get random comments like, “But you throw up everyday.” when I complained of nausea and involuntary vomiting a few weeks ago. She just doesn’t get it but at least she’s trying now where as before everything was a fight or an insult from her.

As far as my Dad goes nothing has changed with him. He is the most emotionally standoffish person I’ve ever met. His parents were abusive and I think he turned off his emotions in order to deal with it. It would be the most awkward conversation ever to talk to him about my mental health therefore I have never reached out to him about it. And I have no desire to do that. It would be so incredibly uncomfortable. He has never talked to me or asked me about anything to do with my mental health. While it would be nice to have emotional support from a parent I don’t think I would feel comfortable getting it from him.

All I really wanted growing up is for my Mom to believe me and to support me. Instead she did the opposite and tore me down. I do appreciate that she has changed and is making an effort now but why did it have to take 30+ years and a suicide attempt where I almost died for that to happen?

Also, I appreciate you saying that there is nothing wrong with me for seeking out that support. Often times I feel like such a burden on people but I know that’s also from the messages I got from my Mom growing up.

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my-misericordia · 5 years

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what are some BLs you recommend?

Omg I’m so sorry for taking so long responding! I’ve been so busy and was not ignoring you i swear! Btw I’m not listing these in any order other than how they come to me. Anyway I hope you like at least one thing I recommend ^^

1. History 2 Crossing the Line: it’s on youtube subbed. It’s a high school love story, which I admit I am a sucker for those. Ngl I am the type that falls for the secondary couple lol but I was totally invested in the main couple! The History series is also an anthology series so you don’t have to watch in order at all.

2. Ossan’s Love: I watched on dramavery but I think it’s on fb too? I don’t use it anymore so idk really ^^’’ A real estate worker in his 30′s is courted by his older boss and new younger worker. This definitely leans more towards comedy but I love comedies because the serious scenes feel more impactful to me. A movie came out this summer but I don’t think it’s subbed yet.

3. History 3 Trapped: On Viki. About a cop who falls for a mob leader. There are definitely not a lot of bl shows in that setting so this was fun! The main couple was amazing but I definitely fell for the secondary here xD zhao zi is just soo lol

4. Theory of love: On youtube: About a film student who has been in love with his best friend for 3 years and his attempts to move on. Really well made, great acting, fun film references, and the secondary couple Killed me lol

5. Together With Me: I watched on dailymotion. 2 best friends realize their feelings for each other after a drunken one night stand. The acting was great, chemistry for days, and fleshed out secondary characters. Tbh did Not like the secondary couple. I was very uncomfortable and skipped a lot...I got the lesson, the handling was actually good, but i guess I couldn’t stomach it. There is a second season but people don’t like it and i haven’t checked it either :/

6. Love by chance: On youtube. A sheltered boy(college student?) meets a soccer player and falls in love with him. There are technically 4 pairings in this series but I really only watched the main aepete and tincan...the other 2 again made me uncomfortable and like TWM. More like it was trying to handle “mature”,”taboo” topics and just couldn’t....A season 2 has been announced with a tincan focus so yay!

7. 2moons2: On youtube. About a college freshmen reunites with his highschool crush. The thing about this show is that there was a 2moons season 1 but ish happened and the old cast was dropped and the show was redone. I watched 2moons and as far as recommending? sure? lol I really only liked the mingkit pairing so yeah lol I personally do prefer 2moons2. The acting does start more stilted because they are beginners but they get better and the cast chemistry is good, pairings are better explored, and a type of cheesy that i am totally here for! A season 3 (technically 2) has been announced ^^

8. Lovesick the series: On youtube... I wouldn’t say this is top on my list but it’s a really well known bl as kind of what started the Bl trend. About high school boys falling in love. For what it is it’s cute and the acting gets better. Also earnpete is the couple that never was that Still haunts me to this day!!! lol

9. Our Skyy: I watched on dailymotion. An anthology about couples from various gmmtv series revolving around their future. Really well made episodes. I watched all of them without watching the shows they were referencing and still liked it so you might too ^^

10. Kiss me Again: On youtube and dailymotion. About 2 college boys who can’t stand each other but fall in love. This show actually has a lot of pairings that have nothing to do with the BL story. The gmmtv youtube has the bl only cut so I would recommend that because i hear the show suckksss lol Personally I prefer the dailymotion bl cut because it keeps a lot of scenes that gmmtv didn’t.

ongoing shows as of (12/2019)

History 3: Make our days count: On Viki and kissasian: A high school love story that is just soo cute!!! bcz of course that’s my thing lol

Until we meet again: On youtube: A couple reincarnated after committing suicide and finding each other again. love the cast chemistry!

Dark Blue Kiss: On youtube. A sequal to kiss me again. More of a bl focus on the kma couple kaopete and the introduction of another couple. I Love this! for the most part people are loving the 2nd couple more (morksun) but i’m still enamored by kaopete ^^’’

Shows I haven’t finished or watched but hear great things

Great Men Academy: Kissasian: About a girl who is transformed into a boy and must find a way to turn back. I started it but haven’t had time to finish. But it’s really really good! I think this could have been handled very badly but it was done so well, the acting is great, and the world building makes sense.

He’s coming to Me: chingming subs on twitter. About a ghost trying to find out who killed him and meeting the one person who can see him. I’ve heard only great things about this show. It’s definitely on my to watch!!

Sotus: Youtube and now netflix Ok so i half watched this? i personally didn’t really feel chemistry with the couple and the story kinda felt like it was missing something. but at the time it was one of the only bls I knew about it so I kept with it but at this point i remember almost nothing!!! lol i know it’s about an upperclassman hazer who is courted by a freshman. So even though it did not strike a chord with me, it is a very very much loved show so you might love it too ^^

Diary of Tootsies: Youtube. About friends trying to find love. I’ve heard great stuff about this show. Apparently there’s good comedy and well handled issues which i love so i really need to watch!!

The Untamed: Netflix. A show based on a bl but bcz it was made in china it is very censored. It’s about cultivators, kinda like magical warriors, who try to bring stability to the world...i think lol....now i’m not the biggest fan of “implied” relationships, so i haven’t watched this and might not, but people Love this show!! I also don’t like overly magic stuff GMA i think had a level that i’m cool with but this might be too much. It is on netflix tho soo the convenience factor might bring me to watch it.

Love is more than a word: Youtube. Another china bl that is obviously more censored...buttt i think done soo well. I haven’t finished this but I love what I’ve watched. The love just feels more explicit..and i think maybe bcz the acting may be better? (For me!) (I’ve seen gifs of Lan Wang ji and the ‘looks’ he gives We Wu Xian and I just Really don’t see it. like at. all.) (of course that could just be because i haven’t watched it, but i saw gifs of this show before watching it and i saw “it” lol) The Untamed is better made, beautiful visuals, but i just feel like this show draws me in more...but maybe it’s the magic thing too???

I know this is long but I feel really bad for taking forever so i hope this helps ^^

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automatismoateo · 6 years

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I posed a question to my religious mum, who said she'd rather kill her kids than deny God, yet called me selfish via /r/atheism

Submitted March 12, 2019 at 01:29PM by Badbussy (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2Uz6syX) I posed a question to my religious mum, who said she'd rather kill her kids than deny God, yet called me selfish

This is my glimpse into why it is just as useful as watching paint dry as it is trying to talk to a Christian that is incapable of considering an aLteRnaTe rEaLitY where god is not real and the (complete lack of) impact it has

TL;DR at the bottom

Background: I was raised Coptic Orthodox, shitty esp. bc its my ethnicity as well so my entire cultural circle stemmed from church. From when I was a young child I would sob for hours when forced to go to mass, and in mass I was anxious and stressed as they took upwards of 3 hours. Got mega depressed at ~9yo and clung to religion purely to have someone to talk to (legit imaginary friend lmao), which I eventually outgrew. So I left at 15, I cut off all my friends and got harrassed, emotionally blackmailed and stalked until I was 17, when they just gave up. My mum, who agrees that churches are fairly corrupt and only goes for communion, only just noticed I'm atheist and took it upon herself to convince me otherwise...

Amidst the typical pointless trying to convert her daughter conversation, a hypothetical is raised;

Me: If someone held a gun to your children's heads and asked you to deny God, what would you do?

Mum: I would never deny God, he's done too much for me

Me: Do you think me, who doesn't believe in God, deserves to die for a second-hand religious reason?

Mum: It doesn't matter

Me: Ok pretend its the lives of 30 strangers

Mum: I would still never deny God

Me: Do you not see what a selfish decision that is? With you prioritising you going to heaven over the lives of others? What's to say that it wasn't God's plan for those others to survive?

Mum: God gives us the free will to choose

Me: You are making the choice for these people, why are you their executioner? Isn’t murder against the commandments? What about their free will? What if God's not real and you've slaughtered them for nothing?

Mum: But I have faith that he is

Me: How would you know that's what God wanted though? What if it was a test of morality not faith?

Mum: I guess I would find out when I die

Excerpt 2: The telling your child to commit suicide hot take

Mum: Without religion there's nothing to believe in, you are better off just committing suicide there's no point in you being here. Without religion, it is impossible ti have any ambition, so just stop wasting everyone's time

Me: What if God is completely undeniably proved false? Will you kill yourself?

Mum: But God's real what's your point???

Excerpt 3: Stupid fucking morality

Mum: Atheists have no morality system and all have no moral compass or ethics. Neither do you

Me: I was raised a Copt for the first 15 years of my life. Would my internal morality system disintigrate?

Mum: That doesn't matter there's nothing stopping you from killing someone

Me: So the fear of hell is the only reason you obey the law? You’re admitting that Christianity fear mongers to maintain power

Mum: No I'm just saying you have nothing to believe in, so there's no morals and therefore all Atheists are selfish pieces of shit

Me: Yet everyones morals are formed through their environments, most typically on their individual perception on what is right and justifiable to them

Mum: But atheists are selfish

Me:.... you are willing to kill me to go to heaven but ok

TL;DR: All attempts at an argument are refused by fAiTh, leading to fun conclusions such as "I would kill my kids and countless others before denying God" and that "all Atheists were sociopaths who should kill themselves", y'know, the rational response

Btw i wrote most of the argument down while live texting it to a friend, lemme know if you're keen for more

#reddit

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