#but I feel like it's gonna get angsty soon oof

[partywiththedevildude]

Tianshan really out here cockblocking Zhanyi left and right

[soft4gguk]

to build a home | chapter fifteen

Pairing: Jungkook x reader. ceo!jk + dilf!jk x nanny!oc

Genre: strangers to lovers. angst. fluff. smut.

Word count: 12.2k

Warnings: oof. let me keep it brief so i don’t spoil too much! it’s angsty. a looooong walk down memory lane. reminiscing. its kinda sad. but lucy’s holds oc through it all! bathroom quickie lol. unprotected sex (do better ok). a lil choking. a lil spanking. jk being an ass man!!!!! team mingyus u get to see ur boy!!! big gasp towards the end. 

Author’s note:  oh, boy! what have i DONE? lol. i’m not gonna say much. only that i love y’all with all my heart and i truly cannot wait to book club the fuck out of this chappie. sending x’s & o’s your way, always!!!!! <33333

This is a work of fiction. Please respect the members and their privacy. x

Chapter Fifteen

In the forty minutes you sleep, you manage to dream. It’s soft, tender and blue. It’s the ocean and Jungkook’s face, the sand on your toes, on your hands, falling from your fingers and getting caught in the wind, some landing on your face. He calls your name, beckoning you over, smile inviting as he walks backwards into the vastness of the sea. You smile, on your feet in no time before you’re running towards him, feet splashing salty water all over as you join him. You’re in his arms the second you’re close enough to him, legs wrapped around his waist as he lets his body fall into the water, deep, blue, your body never letting go of his. 

Your eyes open gently, head on his chest in the same position you’d fallen asleep in. Soori’s babbles coming from the baby monitor sound muffled as you incorporate yourself back into consciousness. Jungkook’s body is warm against the palm of your hand, breath steady as his chest rises and falls. You look up at him, not ready to leave his side, not ready to do what your brain demands of you the moment you start slipping into wakefulness. You close your eyes, snuggle your head in his chest once more, arm wrapping around him as you pull him closer to you ever so gently. He reciprocates your actions in his sleep, arm wrapping tighter around you as his head sinks further into the pillows. Soori’s not crying, you could probably stay like this for twenty more minutes, wrapped in his arms, closing your eyes and letting your mind and body be consumed with him so you don’t have to think. To really think. 

But you know it’s no use. You know that it’s over, whether you grant yourself the thirty minutes or not. It makes your heart ache, too weak to feel anger anymore. Too weak to even protest and try to put up a fight. You feel tears well up in the corner of yours eyes, and if you let them fall now, they won’t be able to stop. You pull away from him, your movements gentle as to not wake him up. You feel the bed move, making you stop in your tracks and glancing back to make sure he’s not awake. He simply lays on his side, snuggling himself into a pillow, his breathing letting you know that he’s still in deep sleep. You let yourself look at him, taking in his face, his body. He’s so beautiful it hurts. He’s so beautiful your heart begins to regain its strength some, becoming aware of him, swimming through the mud, about to beg you to keep going. But your brain is faster as you close your eyes, turning around and heading for the door. God, it hurts. It hurts to wake up, it hurts to walk. It hurts to feel him all over your body, the traces of the night you just shared still taking over your senses. His smell, his touch, the exhaustion that takes over you that borders as sweet because your body remains in that fucked out bliss only he knows how to put you in. 

The most reasonable part of you begs you to be strong. 

The most tender part of you begs you to turn back around.

You leave his room. 

You’re basically on your tiptoes, closing the door behind you gently, abstaining from making any noise. You think you manage pretty well, chanting victory a little too soon as you turn around and pretty much jump in place, hand coming to your mouth as you let out a yelp at the sight of Lucy standing in the hallway. 

“Good morning,” she says, jutting her hip out and tapping her feet on the ground as she crosses her arms in front of her body. 

“You scared the living shit out of me,” you whisper yell at her. 

“Of course I did, because you just got caught.”

You sigh, admitting defeat. “Come get Soori with me. She’s awake.”

“Will you explain?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” she says, opening the door to your room. “Put some pants on first. And panties.”

“Shit,” you say, looking back at Jungkook’s room. 

“No use now. He’s got himself a souvenir.”

“Don’t be witty right now,” you tell her, rummaging through your bags to find a pair of pants. And panties. 

“___, you were bawling your eyes out last night. I was literally scared you’d put yourself through dehydration or something. So imagine my surprise when Jimin wakes me up in the middle of the night to tell me that it sounded like someone was doing construction work inside of Jungkook’s room.” 

You bring your hand to your mouth, eyes widening in surprise at her words. “Oh my God.”

“Relax. He went to get a glass of water, we couldn’t hear anything. I’m sure nobody did.”

“Thank God,” you sigh.

“That is not the point. What is going on, ___?”

“It’s a long story,” she’s about to protest, “I’ll tell you over breakfast. Let’s get Soori first, though.”

She lets out a sigh of relief. “Let’s.”

~

And so you begin the recount of events. 

As you get Soori out of bed, you begin to tell her about that night, omitting any explicit details, of course. You tell her how you told him you loved him, tell her about his silence, about the way you dismissed your words in fear he wouldn’t reciprocate them. She passes you one of Soori’s sundresses, a cute black and white polka dotted one. 

“And what happened then?” She asks, rummaging through the suitcase Jungkook had packed for her and looking for a bow to match. 

“He didn’t say it back.”

“Oh,” she says, face falling even though she knew that much would be true. 

“Yeah. I guess at first I was just trying for it not to… hurt as much as it did. Sunday was nice, we spent the whole day by the pool with Soo. I don’t know. It almost made me feel like I could live with it, you know? With the fact that he hadn’t said it back.”

“Yeah, I get you. We like to tell ourselves lies to keep our feelings at bay. It’s a woman thing.”

The three of you sit on the floor, Soori in the middle as you brush her hair and get to work on her little pigtails whilst Lucy plays with her, helping her stack her pink wooden cubes on top of one another. You tell her about your rollercoaster of emotions, going through a failed attempt at suppressing your feelings, then the feminine rage all the way to the sadness plummeting so hard through you it made you restless. 

“I should’ve known. Nobody sings Good Luck, Babe by Chappell Roan like that for no reason.”

You laugh, albeit weakly. “Don’t feel bad. I knew that the moment I told you, it’d be real.” 

“No, I get that. But I just can’t believe that you went through all of this by yourself. I wish I could’ve… been there.”

You put a hand on top of hers, Soori following in your steps as she puts her chubby hand on top of yours, making the both of you laugh. Lucy looks at Soori, then back at you, concern lacing her features as she asks,

“Then what happened?”

You make your way down the stairs, Soori on your hip as she babbles sweet nothings to her giraffe and Lucy follows suit. You tell her about the book you’d found in Jungkook’s living room, the one filled with pictures of him and Ira. 

“God, they were really in love, weren’t they?”

“Yeah. Seems like it.”

“What on Earth happened?” Lucy asks, making her way into the kitchen, reaching down to pick Soori’s giraffe up that she’d dropped, smiling at her as she places it back in her hands. 

“That’s the thing, I don’t know. I have no clue about what could’ve possibly driven her to…,” you halt your words, not wanting to finish the sentence in front of Soori, as oblivious as she was right now as you sat her down on her high chair. 

“Jimin has said things to me,” she starts, her words a bit weak. “I mean, nothing much. Or too specific. But he told me Jungkook tried. He told me he really tried. He was a good partner to her… just like he’s a good dad to Soori.”

“You know, it’s funny. I never once for a second thought he wasn’t.”

“I did. I mean- you know him better than I do. And it all sounded so complex to me I thought that maybe he’d driven her away. But Jimin- he talks about Ira with so much spite. Almost hatred. And they used to be close. I mean, she’s in a picture frame at his parents’ house, for God’s sake! He made them remove it, of course, but-” you take her words in, looking into her eyes. “I don’t know. He tried and she left. That’s all I’ve gathered from what he’s said.”

“Yeah. I guess the picture book really made me realize that… they’d loved each other. Very much.”

“What happened then?”

You look at her, a bit of shame lacing your features. You look at the kitchen counter, remembering that night. 

“Well,” you start and your tone of voice gives you away. 

“Oh, brother.”

You tell her about that night, in code, of course. Tell her about how it’d been a weak moment for you, how the little altercation you’d had before had set the mood for the tension to be released in one way or the other. And well, you were only human. A bit weak at times. You also tell her how it made you feel even sadder, though. How having him physically but not emotionally was really beginning to take a toll on you the more you pondered on your situation. You both get started with breakfast, cutting Soori’s fruit and putting some on her high chair before you get to frying eggs, mashing avocados, toasting bread, making coffee. You tell her about your sad girl hours, well into the night. 

“I’ve stalked all of Jimin’s exes on Instagram. It was pure torture. I can’t imagine having so much access to her on Google. I think it would send me spiraling,” she says, passing you the spatula. 

“Oh, it did. The worst part is that I couldn’t hate her. I mean, there she was, on my phone screen, looking perfect with her sweet, low voice, saying all the right things. How can I hate her?” You flip your egg.

“I’ve heard a lot of those things are fabricated, though.”

“I don’t know, Lu. The way Mai and Taehyung talk about her in that book… it was all adding up.”

She sighs, taking a sip of her latte, passing a tiny square of avocado toast to Soori that she’d cut up. She takes it, smiling at her, making her swoon. She gets your attachment to her now. She’s so sweet. 

You decide to take breakfast to the garden, the morning serene before you, sky settling into darker shades of Blue. The waves of the ocean can be heard from where you stand and the air feels fresh, clean. You tell her about Jungkook closing his deal, about the night you’d called her in a desperate bout, asking her what to wear. You tell her about Lily. She understands, doesn’t judge when you tell her how jealous you’d felt, how it’d made your blood boil as she threw innuendos at him. 

“Oh, I would’ve-,” she looks over at Soori, who blows a raspberry before shoving a piece of egg right into her mouth. “She would’ve heard a number from me, certainly.”

“What can I say, though? Yeah, Lily. Don’t flirt with my- my boss! Who I have romantic feelings for because he talks to me so very sweetly and he,” you look down at Soori. “He is really good at… frolicking me.”

She lets out a loud laugh, hand covering her mouth as she’s mid bite. “Fair enough. Ugh!”

You laugh a little, too. Your heart finding respite in your best friend. “I know. So annoying.”

“I mean, he is quite handsome, ___.”

“Yeah. I never wanted to get a paper bag over his head more.”

She chuckles at your words, shaking her head before she’s sighing for what feels like the millionth time today. “Then what happened?”

You look up at her, bringing your iced coffee to your lips and taking a sip. 

“We frolicked.”

“___! What is it with this vicious cycle you’re in?”

“I don’t know! It just keeps happening! In my defense, he just… frolicked me with his-,” you point at your tongue. “That’s all we did.”

“That is not the feminist act you think it is.”

You chuckle. “Trust me, I know.”

“But then again, I can’t blame you.”

“You should.”

“I would never.”

You smile at her. It’s almost funny, the way your chest feels a little lighter, the way you can laugh through it all, even as you walk down memory lane on some of the saddest days of your life. Lucy was magic. 

“I was emotionally hungover the next day. All I could think about was how I was standing under Ira’s shadow. How maybe… I don’t know, he’d never be able to love me the way he loved her.”

“I get that. I mean, those are some big shoes to fill. And it has nothing to do with you. It’s more so all the years they spent together, everything they went through, you know,” she nods in Soori’s direction, “the whole ass child they had together.”

“Yeah,” you sigh. 

“So… what exactly happened yesterday? You were in pretty bad shape.”

You tell her about Mingyu. About what Jungkook said to you. She flinches, eyes squinting as she viscerally reacts to his low blow. 

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. Ouch.”

“So much to unpack here.”

“Good luck trying.”

“I mean, he was jealous. Dare I say, he is jealous. And I mean, I can almost understand him. Not saying you did anything wrong, but he did walk inside his kitchen and there you were, drinking peppermint tea with his friend, wearing his navy blue Ralph Lauren sweater!”

“It was bad judgment on my part, I can admit. But also, I didn’t mean for it to mean anything. I was just… cold. And dumb.”

“You are not dumb. He’s dumb! Because if he would’ve been aware of you, if he got his head of out his ass then he would’ve been the one drinking peppermint tea with you and you would’ve been wearing his navy blue Ralph Lauren sweater. I bet you they have the same one.”

Her words make you laugh. “His words sure did sting, though.”

“Duh, no wonder. He was a bit brutal.”

“Like, does he really think I would do something like that?”

“And what if you did? I mean, ethically speaking, flirting with your boss’ friend is wrong. But, flirting with… a guy. At a BBQ? What’s wrong with that!”

“He’s his friend, Lucy.”

“And that’s what he gets for not making it exclusive and going back and forth with his little boy feelings! Playing with yours in the process!”

“It’s more complicated than that,” you defend.

“___,” she huffs, taking your hand in hers and looking into your eyes. “You are in a situationship.”

“Oh, God,” you gasp.

“With a grown ass man. A twenty eight year old male Paris Hilton.” You store that remark for when you need a laugh in the future, right now you’re too busy digesting her words. “Who also happens to be your boss. The person that puts food in your plate.”

“I know!”

“Yeah!”

“God!”

“Christ, even!”

“Fuck.” you whisper.

“I take it you guys didn’t really talk about what happened last night, you just got to… frolicking?”

“Yeah.” You lower your head in shame. “I just- I told myself that it was going to be the last time. That I’d confront him today- well, confront is a big word. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to make this any harder than it already is. Plus, I have to think about Soori. I can’t leave her. We’re just gonna have to learn how to be civil about all of this.”

“So you’re breaking up with him?” She sounds surprised. You frown.

“Breaking up is a big word for Elmo. We are not together.”

She decides to store your remark for a future laugh, she’s too busy digesting your words right now. “Just like that?”

“Just like what, Lu? I mean, what else is there? I- I pour my heart out to him. I tell him I love him. I give him all the time in the world for him to say it back. Say anything back! And nothing. He doesn’t love me. And it’s hurting me, Lucy. It’s hurting me so bad. The uncertainty, the hiding, the back and forth. I don’t think I can take it any longer.”

Lucy takes it all in. Sees the pain in your eyes, hears the desperation in your words. She feels it, too. Not just because she’s your best friend, and truly, genuinely believes you guys are connected through celestial magic, but also because she knew the feeling a little too well. The heart ache, the restless feeling that takes over you when love isn’t reciprocated, the anxiety of it all. She knows what it feels like to be so close to giving up. 

“You’re right,” she says. “You’re right, ___. You don’t deserve any of it. You don’t deserve having to sit through the uncertainty, you don’t deserve to be with someone that keeps you a secret. You don’t deserve to feel any of what you’ve felt in these past couple of weeks.” Her saying the words back to you hurt more than you uttering them, and it makes you realize that you were perhaps hoping she’d say the opposite. “It must’ve been horrible – to bare your heart out to him like that and not hearing it back. It must’ve been horrible to have to see him every day. For him to be completely oblivious towards your feelings.” 

“Yeah.” Your words are faint, barely there. 

Matter of fact, Lucy knows what it’s like to give up entirely. To completely submit yourself to what you so strongly believe is fate. She thinks of Jimin, a smile forming at her lips like muscle memory at the mere thought of him. She thinks of how deflated her heart felt the day she met him, how her pillow had been silent witness to her tears just the night before after she’d longingly stared at her computer screen, some love story making her crave what she thought could only be found in movies and fairy tales. She’d given up, yes. She’d sworn off men, had encouraged herself to be a little more realistic. To use her logic when it came to romance. 

Jimin had dismantled all of that with only five words. 

“Hi. I’m Jimin, and you?”

“But I don’t think you’ve tried hard enough.” Her words make you flinch, looking at her with confusion, feeling a little defensive from the get go. “Listen to me. Yes, you did the big, brave thing. You told him you loved him, you sat through the dismissal his words provoked, you cried all the tears and sang along to all the sad songs in the world. You probably watched Pride and Prejudice a couple of times, too.” It frightens you a little, how she knows you so well. “And that’s all valid. And honestly, fuck him for making you feel like that. I hope he steps on a lego, like, every day for the rest of his life. But also,” she pauses for a bit, leaning closer to you. “You didn’t talk to him. You didn’t tell him any of this that you’re telling me. Yes, he’s oblivious, but your silence basically encouraged it. Yes, he’s dense but you didn’t open up to him enough so as to know if it’s coming out of malice. Which, frankly, I don’t believe. As much as he is not on my good graces right now,” she rolls her eyes, “I don’t think he meant to… hurt you.”  

“I know, but-” you don’t know, actually. Your silence proving that much and so she continues.

“That day… when he showed up at our door, I didn’t know what was happening. All I knew was that my best friend was in bed, feeling sad, and wouldn’t tell me why. And then I opened the door, and there he was, looking all… sad. I almost wanted to slam the door on his face because I knew he was the reason, it all made sense to me right then and there. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t because he looked like he knew he’d… lost something. Something he wasn’t quite sure he could get back. He looked scared. And so I let him in.” 

“He did a shitty thing that day.”

“I know. It was very shitty. I truly hope the legos aren’t upside down. But,” she takes a breath, collecting her words for a second. “I guess, ever since that day I’ve been trying to decipher him. To decipher what he feels for you. It’s quite hard since, you know, you guys have to hide from the world or whatever. So I’ve taken to just… observing him. I’ve taken to looking at him when he’s looking at you. You barely notice, and I’m almost glad you don’t. I feel like if you would you’d break the little magic the moment holds. Maybe he’d shy away from the way his eyes get all shiny and he smiles in a way that lets me know he’s not really aware of it. And so a part of me is relieved, because I know that whatever it is, the feeling is pure. I went up to your bedroom yesterday because when I looked at him… he looked just the way he had that day in our front door.”

“Do you think he loves me?” 

Lucy’s heart breaks a little when you ask her, ever so faintly, a question that she doesn’t think she can answer. But nonetheless, she smiles, taking your hand in hers. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know if he loves you, ___. I don’t even know that he knows. Or that he can even become aware of it after all he’s been through. All I know is that you haven’t tried hard enough to figure it out. And it should never take a toll on your heart. It should never break you the way it did. But also, I think the reason why it did is because you had to carry the weight of it alone. I think… I think he would’ve at least been willing to help.”

“I don’t know, Lu…”

“Yeah. You don’t. Nobody knows. That’s the tricky side of it all. The one we run from the most because it means that we have to be even more vulnerable. Because we know we’re risking even worse of a heart break. But, could you live with yourself knowing you didn’t at least try? And I mean, really tried.”

“No.” The words come out of you before you can even think her question through. 

“Then you owe yourself at least that. Not him, not even my sappy, romantic self. You.”

You smile at her, lacing your fingers through hers. “What if I try and I’d been right all along?”

“Then I’ll be here. We’ll sing Chappell Roan together and I’ll make sure to scatter the legos all over his house myself.” Her face grows proud as she says this. 

You laugh. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Soori shrieks, making you both turn, laughing at her reaction. You walk over to her, taking her in your arms as you kiss her, swaying from side to side. She whines a little bit, voice muffled with the way you squeeze her cheeks with your kisses. 

“You’ll grow up and have the bestest friend ever, too, Soo Soo.”

Lucy looks at the two of you, can feel the way you radiate love. The way your whole face lights up as she brings her little chubby hand to your cheek, shrieking in excitement at your words that she doesn’t even understand, but that are coming from you. In that moment, she knows she’d given you the right advice. She knows it. She sees it.

From where she stands, the future paints itself rosy shades of pink. 

~

You feel your heart slowly mending itself, regaining its strength as the minutes pass and you bask in the sun, in Lucy’s words of comfort and her wise advice. In Soori’s little antics as the two of you play with her, letting her dip her toes in the water on the shallow end of the pool. You lather her body in sunblock and Lucy laughs at the white patches you intentionally leave on her cheeks. 

“She’s the most sensitive there,” you defend, running the lotion down her arms. 

“Okay, mommy.”

“This is my job, you know? Keeping the baby safe,” you mock defensiveness.

“Oh, please. Get so very real right now, ___.” 

“I am,” you laugh. “Although I will admit I do happen to love keeping the baby safe.”

She takes Soori in her arms, letting her splash about with her feet as she places her between her legs. “It’s okay, Soori. I’m the fun auntie.”

You look at them, a smile on your face as you revel in Soori’s sounds of excitement and Lucy’s tender nature towards her. You love seeing everyone melt for her, give her love and attention. 

“Ah, there you guys are!”

The three of you turn around, a smiling, pyjama-clad Jimin walking towards you. 

“Good morning, babe!” Lucy waves at him, bringing Soori’s little arm up, making her wave, too.

“Hi,” you say, a little shyly, all things considered.

“Good morning, ladies. Good morning, princess Soori.” He kisses Lucy’s lips, then Soori’s forehead. 

“How’d you sleep,” Lucy asks him.

“Good. Would’ve been better if I hadn’t woken up to an empty bed.”

“Sorry! Got hungry. Needed breakfast real bad.”

“You guys had breakfast already?”

“We’re on baby time,” you say, looking down at Soori whose arms are reaching out for Jimin. 

“Come here, baby,” he says, picking her up. 

“Gahhhh, my ovaries!” Lucy’s cries are dramatic as she throws her body back, falling on the grass, making you chuckle and raise your eyebrows at her. 

“Anytime, babe. I keep telling ya,” is all Jimin says, making you widen your eyes in shock. 

“Quit saying that, oh my God,” she whines. 

“Mr Jeon Jungkook has been looking everywhere for you,” he looks at Soori, looking at you next, “and you.”

“Oh, he’s awake?”

“Yup. I heard he had a long night,” he says, a little smirk forming at his lips. Your blush is so evident it actually makes him feel bad. 

“Jimin! Leave her alone,” Lucy says, coming to her feet. 

He laughs, throwing his head back. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“I’m gonna…,” you point towards the house, ready to make your exit.

“You may be excused.” Jimin’s words earn him a scowl from his girlfriend, which humors him further. 

When you make your way back inside the house, you see Jungkook as he enters the living room. Eyes swollen, groggy with sleep, running a hand through his hair to try to fix his bedhead. And as much as your heart aches at the sight of him still, you also can’t help but smile, still in the high Lucy’s words had left you in. 

“Hey,” you say, making him look at you. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” he walks towards you, hand reaching for yours, holding it for a second, squeezing before he’s letting go. The act alone is so gentle you think you could cry. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

You shrug. “Wanted to let you sleep in for a bit.”

“I should’ve let you sleep in.”

You shake your head, smiling at him. “It’s okay. We’ve been having a nice morning. Lucy joined us, we had breakfast outside. They’re by the pool now. I lathered her in sunscreen, don't worry.”

He smiles. “Thank you.”

You look around for a second, finding a door next to the hallway that leads to the kitchen. “What’s in there?”

He follows your line of vision. “A wine cellar.”

“Can we go there? Just for a minute,” you ask, and although your question makes him curious he simply nods, letting you lead the way. 

The door gives way to a spiral staircase, a bit narrow and small. You hold onto the railing, a particular yet pleasant smell invading your senses as you begin to descend. It’s woodsy, a little musky and fruity. It’s a bit chilly, too. 

“You’re really into wine,” you tell him, eyeing the many shelves stacked with bottles of all kind. White, red, pink, a couple of bottles of champagne. 

“Yeah,” he says, looking around, too. “I guess I’ve become my father.”

You laugh. “I like that about you.”

“What? That I’ve become my father?”

“No!” you say and he laughs at your reaction. “That you know a lot about wines.”

“Hm,” he hums, grabbing you by the waist and bringing you closer. “I can teach you if you want.”

“Go on.”

“Okay, so, the temperature in this room remains at a perfect 12 degrees celsius at all times. This prevents the wine from oxidizing,” his words falter a bit as you bring your hands to his hair, fingers massaging his scalp gently as you listen intently. “The cooling system is quite particular because it keeps the humidity in the air at a steady 60%. The temperature the wine is stored in really affects the complexity and balance of the-,” he groans in satisfaction as your fingers hit a particularly sensitive spot. “Wine.” 

“Jungkook,” you look up at him, eyes dreamy and hazy. 

“___,” his voice hold the same nature. 

“Can you kiss me? Can,” you sigh, “can we kiss, a little, right now?”

“Yeah, baby. We can kiss a little right now.”

Your eyes lock on his, blinking slowly as you take in the way he takes you in. His eyes are shiny, and they smile before his lips do. You close your eyes, falling into him a bit before he’s catching you with his lips on yours. His hand comes up to your cheek, fingers snaking through your locks of hair as he brings you closer, sighing against your mouth. Your arms wrap around his waist, hands coming up inside his shirt, his skin warm at your touch. His teeth close around your bottom lip and you give him full access to your mouth, tongue meeting his, but it’s ever so slow. Tender, almost. 

It sort of dawns on him right then and there, something he’d been missing from you, making him realize that this is the most he’s gotten of you in a while. And he doesn’t mean your body, or your touch, or a kiss. No. He means the way you fall into him, the way you look at him, the way you ask him for affection in that way that he loves, so supple and pliant, almost shy. The way you hug him to you feels different, only there’s nothing different about it, it’s just been a long time. Jungkook can’t make much of it, mind too wrapped around your lips, just like his mouth, but it doesn’t miss him, how much he’s missed you and how suddenly the realization hits. 

“You want breakfast?” you part your lips from his and he pouts with his eyes still closed.

“I was in the middle of it.”

You laugh, shoving him playfully. “We can’t hide in the wine cellar forever.”

“All I need is, like,” he presses his hips against yours, “twenty minutes.”

You gasp. “Jungkook!”

“I just woke up! You took advantage of my vulnerable state.”

You roll your eyes. “I just wanted to kiss you a little.”

“Fine,” he huffs, mocking annoyance, the frown between his eyebrows falling when you put your lips on his one last time. 

Perhaps you’re playing with fire. Perhaps you’re stalling, buying yourself time before you have to put your plan in action, before you have to do the real hard work, thread the words needed to do it all. The courage, too. Perhaps you’re savoring the moment just in case this is your last. You try not to think about it too much, staying in the bliss you just put yourself in. You decide you’ll tell him once you’re both back from the beach. On tuesday, when he comes home from work. You’ll have time to craft a sensible plan, find the right words, benefit from Lucy’s sound advice a little longer. 

Yes. Tuesday it is. 

“What are the plans for today?” you ask as you make your way up the stairs.

“Pool party, burgers and, me personally, winning every game of Badminton.”

You laugh, nodding your head slowly. “I’ll be rooting for you.”

“Aw,” he coos. “My little cheerleader.”

“I can hear your thoughts, Jeon.”

“I can see you in a mini skirt, ___.” 

“Hey, I might. Just for you,” you say, looking back at him as you make your way to the kitchen. 

“Ah, you spoil me.”

You turn around, pointing a finger at him. “That’s true actually.”

“That’s true actually,” he mimics your voice when he says this, making you shove him playfully and open your mouth in shock. 

“Dada!” Soori’s sweet voice makes him turn around, a big smile on his face as she enters the living room in Jimin’s arms. 

“There you are, my little princess!” She falls into his arms the moment he’s close enough for her to, wrapping her chubby arms around his neck. “Aw, thank you, baby. You’re so sweet. Good morning.”

“Nana,” she says, pointing at you. Lucy and Jimin smile, although you don’t notice, too hyper fixated on Soori. 

“You wanna go with Nana?” Jungkook leans over towards you, handing her over before he’s pulling away playfully. She whines. “Alright, alright. I’m sorry,” he says, laughing. 

“Come here,” you tell her, arms outstretched and she falls into them swiftly. She giggles some, clapping two times before she’s turning back to Jungkook, shooting grabby hands at him.

“That’s what I thought.” He takes her into his arms. 

You gasp, feigning offense. “Traitor!”

“You guys are cute.” Jimin voices his thoughts out loud, unable to contain them as he takes the sweet scene in. He doesn’t voice how happy it makes him, though. He doesn’t tell you guys that seeing the three of you together like that makes him feel like he’d found the last piece of the puzzle – one he couldn’t when Ira was around and his expectations of seeing his best friend in a loving family dynamic sort of tumbled when she wouldn’t play her part. 

Jungkook looks over at him, smiling as he bounces Soori in his arms, whose already looking at you like she’s about to betray him this time. He smiles, silently agreeing with his friend, almost as if he understood what he was thinking. Almost like he was feeling it, too. 

~

“A tankini? Really, ___?”

“It’s cute! Plus, it’s appropriate for the job. Soori tends to tug at my clothes at times, I can’t wear a bikini.”

“No, no. I get that much,” Lucy says, “but a tankini?”

“It was on sale!”

“You get away with too much by being drop dead gorgeous and having the face of an angel.”

“Your compliments won’t make me want to wear my tankini any less.”

“I beg of you, don’t wear the tankini.”

“But it’s pink,” you protest, spirit a bit deflated although you know she’s kind of right. 

“May I?” She points at your suitcase and you nod, plopping down on the bed a little dramatically. “Okay, I see the potential,” she says, throwing shirts and dresses around. “This!” She holds a white strapless one piece swimsuit. It’s one of your favorites – simple but cute. 

“That one gives me a wedgie.”

“Something’s got to give!” She throws the bathing suit at you. “Also, don’t blame the swimsuit blame your thiccy.”

“Did you just call my ass thiccy?”

“Yeah, I got it from Jimin.”

“Ew,” you say, looking at her. “Ew.”

“Here,” she says, throwing an oversized blue button up shirt your way. 

“What about pants?”

“Use that as a dress!” You’re about to protest, “and that’s final.” 

You throw a firm nod her way. The shirt was long enough to pass as semi-modest so you opt out of protesting. 

“So,” she says, sitting on the spot you’d left empty on the bed as you begin to change. “Have you decided about when to talk to him?”

“Yeah,” you say, pulling the bathing suit up your body. “Tuesday. Tuesday after he comes home from work. I’ll have it all perfectly rehearsed in my head.”

Lucy smiles. “That’s good. The both of you will be well rested after this weekend and you’ll be able to have a sensible talk.”

“Yeah, exactly!”

“Do try to, you know, sleep at night.”

“Shut up. I’m feeling fine! Running on caffeine and adrenaline, but fine.”

She laughs. “Ready?”

“Ready!”

“Let’s go.” 

“Wait,” you say, making her turn around, confused. She lets out a nod of understanding when she sees you grabbing Mingyu’s sweater, which you’d neatly folded to give back to him. 

“Everything’s gonna be okay,” she reassures. “It’s gonna be a good day!”

“God willing, Lucy Lu. God willing.”

You sigh, giving yourself a little pep talk for courage before you exit the room, ready to take on the day. 

~

The rest of the morning, as well as the beginning of the afternoon, had really catered to your inner child. Yes, it was your job to take care of Soori but the rest of the kids seemed to love you just as much and so your hands had been full. You’d swam in the pool with them, built sandcastles, played mermaids and even had a little water balloon fight that seemed to interest both the children and the adults alike. By the time noon hit and Jungkook and Taehyung were starting to roll the burgers around, you’d been convinced to sit at the kid’s table. Which wasn’t a table per say, as they’d wanted to have a little picnic and so you’d found yourself sitting on one of the many beach towels they’d retrieved from inside to make their own picnic blanket. 

It’d been sweet and fun, exactly what you needed after having to walk down memory lane this morning. And in a way, it added to the lighthearted mood you’d ended up your talk with Lucy in. Kids were easy – well, kids came easy to you. You found them to be less complex than people gave them credit for. They were easily entertained as long as you were willing to step inside their little world, which at times played out to be more entertaining than your own. 

By the time 3 p.m. rolled around you could start feeling the shift in atmosphere, though. They were exhausted, you included, as a sleepy Soori fuzzed about in your arms. 

“I think it’s time for a nap, kiddos,” Mai says, her words followed by whines of protest from the kids. 

Sun acts as the voice of reason, though, as she says, “but can we keep playing afterwards, auntie Mai?” she pleads, turning to you, “will you still play with us after nap time, ___? Pleeeeease.”

“Of course,” you tell her, free hand caressing her hair. “Plus, it’d be funner then because you guys will have more energy.”

“I am a little tired,” Dae says, his Rs running a bit, making him sound ten times more adorable. 

“See? We all need a nap. You guys can go inside the play room and make it a little mid-day pj party, how about that?” Mai’s idea comes as a success, the kids jumping with excitement, some even hugging her. She turns to you, voice a whisper when she says, “I’m kinda badass at this.”

Your lips form a pout and you nod at her. “You are.”

She smiles at you before she’s officially on nap duty, gathering all the kids and bringing them inside the house. You bounce Soori in your arms, her eyes half closed already, head wobbly as she fights to stay awake. You give her a kiss on the cheek, making your way to the sunbeds where the boys are drinking beers and talking about some game they’d watched the night prior, the team scoring the winning goal only three minutes before the game was over. 

“___!” Jin says the moment he sees you, making them all turn their heads in your direction. “Aren’t you god sent? I think my kids like you more than me today.”

“My kid likes her more than me at least once a week,” Taehyung says, smiling at you. 

“Thank you, thank you. I do birthdays, weddings, baptisms.” You say, making them all roar out in laughter. 

“You do have that midas touch when it comes to kids, ___.” Hobi tells you, leaning back and taking a sip of his beer. 

“I probably enjoyed that more than they did.” You smile, feeling a bit shy under their praise. 

Jungkook smiles, feigning a casual front as he takes a sip of his beer, eyes on you. Wet hair, a little ruffled from the day’s activities. A big blue shirt that’s mostly wet, too, and that bathing suit that as modest as he knows you tried to aim for, does very little to keep him away from what he knows is underneath. Your cheeks are officially crimson and your body golden. He can’t help it when his eyes travel down, the softness of your skin drawing him in. You’re nothing if not perfect and if he were to reach out, he could run his hand down your leg. Not sexually, per say. Just… touch. Touch so as to let you know what he thinks. What he feels. 

He composes himself for a second before his eyes are on Soori. “She ready for a nap?”

“Yup.” You nod at him, looking at Soori under your nose. She smiles and when you follow her line of vision you see that it’s Yoongi and his silly faces that pull it out of her. “I can go put her down, if you want.” 

“No, let’s go together,” he says, standing up, coming down to kiss her chubby cheek. He turns to his friends one last time, bowing before saying, “gentlemen, I’ll be back. Take this time to decide who’s ass I’m beating next in Badminton.”

As you turn around and walk towards the house, you can’t help but laugh at the remarks that follow, his friends absolutely going ham on him, all lighthearted blows he opts to ignore with a chuckle of his own. 

“You’re like the meme of the girl standing in front of the burning house.”

He looks at you, frowning in confusion. “Excuse me, what?”

“Oh my God, you’ve never seen the meme of the girl standing in front of the burning house?”

“No, but that sounds horrible. Was she okay?” You laugh as you turn to him, noticing the way real concern laces his features.

“It’s funny! It’s like a cult favorite, too. I’m pretty sure it’s been around for a while. Like back in the 9GAG days. You know, B.C.” You smirk his way, not missing the way he rolls his eyes at you. 

“Hey, I loved 9GAG. It was funny.”

“Of course you did.”

You step inside the house, walking in front of him and laughing when he pauses in his steps and says, “what’s wrong with 9GAG?”

“Nothing,” you tell him, smiling and dragging him upstairs by the arm. “It’s always an honor to be in the presence of people that have witnessed history.”

“Shut the fuck up,” he tells you, chuckling at your little bout of wittiness. 

You make it inside of Soori’s nursery, promptly changing her diaper and getting her into a pair of dry pyjamas. She falls asleep halfway into this, making you both laugh and bask in a quiet satisfaction at realizing just how much fun she’d been having. When you put her in her crib, you take a second to just look at her, neither of you saying much, simply taking her in. 

“She’s perfect, huh,” you whisper. 

“She’s so perfect,” he whispers back.

Jungkook smiles at her before turning to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and kissing your cheek. It all feels… domestic. Tender, lovely and sweet. The knot in your stomach that’d been growing bigger and bigger for the past couple of weeks begins to break, slowly, releasing a small army of butterflies that seem to both excite and calm your nerves. You kiss his cheek, basking in the bliss his proximity brings. 

“Let’s go back,” you tell him, “you have asses to kick.”

He smiles, lips coming to yours in a quick peck. “You should relax. Drink some wine with the girls, get some sun.”

“If I have one sip of wine and lay by the sun I’ll probably end up like her,” you say, looking down at Soori.

“Do it, baby. I got her.” 

The knot breaks entirely, wings fluttering violently as they’re freed after so long. 

You’re in love. 

~

You’d taken Jungkook’s advice, laying on the sunbeds with the girls, glass of wine in hand as you snack on the fruit platter Mai and Seulgi had prepared. You’d even fallen asleep for all of fifteen minutes, which had recharged your battery more than you’d originally thought. You’d think it’d be quieter with all the kids sleeping, but the boys and their very serious game of Badminton kept the ambiance just as loud as before. At one point, you’d all taken the roles of spectators and cheerleaders, rooting for your competitor of choice. Jungkook won, yet again, and you didn’t miss the smile he shot your way, overly confident in his skills. Overly confident in his ability to pull reactions out of you. This one in particular he’d found adorable, seeing the way you flustered at his actions, hiding your face in your hands for a second before you went back to feigning nonchalance. 

Now you were all scattered around. Some in the pool, some by the beach, a couple of you still in the sunbeds, soft music playing from the speakers. It was rather blissful, if you were being honest. 

You’re in the middle of small, lazy talk with Mai when you suddenly remember,

“Oh, I have to get Soori’s swimming diapers. She ran out but Jungkook said he had spare ones somewhere…”

“Oh, yeah,” Mai says, “he keeps them in the pool house. Go inside the bathroom, they should be in one of the drawers.”

You smile at her, thanking her before you’re making your way to the small, white house that sat at the end of the big backyard. Making your way inside you see that it’s mostly for storage. Floaties, surfboards, spare sunbeds. You notice that the door to the bathroom is open slightly, but don’t make much of it as you walk towards it. Both you and Jungkook let out a loud scream when he appears by the door frame. 

“Holy fuck.” You whisper yell, hand on your mouth. 

“You scared the living shit out of me.” His own hand comes to his chest, leaning against the counter and steadying his breathing.

“Me? You scared the living shit out of me! Why are you in there with the lights off like a crazy person?”

“Why didn’t you turn the lights on when you came in like a normal person?”

You both stare at each other for a second too long before you’re breaking out in laughter. 

“I came to get Soori’s diapers,” you tell him, mid-chuckle. 

He raises his hand, showing you a handful of diapers. “Me too.”

“Ah,” you say, walking closer to him. “Great minds think alike.”

“Mhm,” he leans against the counter once again as you stand in front of him. “My heart’s beating so fast, dude.”

You laugh. “You’re so dramatic, dude.”

“Hey, you can’t dude me.”

You roll your eyes at him playfully. “Fine. You’re so dramatic, Jungkookie.”

“I’m not! Look,” he takes your hand in his, bringing it to his bare chest and placing it over his heart. He’s still wet from the pool, skin warm from the sun. His heart is beating a little irregularly, you must admit. 

“I’m sorry,” you say, adding to the drama of it all as your voice grows soft. “I’ll put a bell around my neck the next time so I don’t startle you.”

“Ha ha, funny.”

“Oh, I am.”

You can’t explain it, but the air shifts around you. Jungkook can’t explain it either, but he welcomes it. 

“Yeah?” 

You smile, cheeks growing red for whatever reason. Or perhaps for all the right reasons. He can dismantle you with a few words and that’s one your favorites by far.

“Yeah,” you breathe, eyes growing heavy as his own look into yours. In a matter of seconds they’re landing on your lips. And then he’s kissing you. 

The kiss holds the same nature this morning’s had, perhaps a little less playful. A little more intentional. Like you’re both finding a means to an end just so you can bask in the journey of getting there. When you sigh into his lips, Jungkook brings you closer, hand on your cheek as he parts your lips with his tongue. The kiss grows heady, your fingers carding through his wet locks and his hands land on your waist, squeezing some before he’s turning you around until you’re leaning on the counter. The swiftness with which he handles your body has a moan escaping your lips and he feels the way you smile against his mouth. He pushes his hips into yours, drunk on you already, determined to pull those little sounds out of you. 

“Wait,” you say, parting your lips from his, laughing a little when you see his flustered state, lips red and swollen in his signature pout. “What if someone walks in?” He smiles, eyes not leaving yours as he leans to the side and closes the door, locking it in a beat. He’s about to kiss you again but you interrupt him. “Soori?”

“Baby monitor in my back pocket.” He kisses you. “We’ve got like, twenty minutes give or take.”

You laugh, kissing him back, arms wrapping around his neck as you breathe into the kiss in giddy anticipation. “Think you can make me cum in twenty minutes give or take?”

He pulls away, but it’s only an inch. He scowls, a smile on his lips that takes your breath away. “Is that a challenge?”

The air shifts yet again, air growing dense this time. “Yeah,” is all you can muster.

“What do I get?” 

You hum, pretending you’re deep in thought. “Me?”

“I’ll do it in ten.” 

You laugh, sweet music to his ears and his smile meets yours in a kiss. It’s deeper this time, grows sloppy soon enough and Jungkook wastes no time as his hand cups your tits over your bathing suit, grunting a bit at the fabric getting in the way before he’s pulling it down in one swift movement. He brings his mouth to your nipple, expert little sucks that have you throwing your head back as your fingers pull at his hair. You lean back, head hitting the mirror as your breathing grows heavier. When you come back up, you push him back with a hand to his chest as you come to stand in front of him. You erase the frown from his face the moment he sees the way you roll the white fabric of your swimsuit down your legs, leaning back against the counter. 

“Better than the mini skirt,” he says, towering over you as he pushes his hands against the counter. 

You bite your lip, smiling at him with dark eyes before you’re turning around, your hands falling in front of you, tits pressing together as you push your ass back against him. You look at his reflection on the mirror, giggle a bit when you catch him staring, lust filled eyes scanning over your body. 

“Like what you see?” your voice is teasing, cocky even, and it comes to no surprise when Jungkook’s firm hand comes to your waist, holding you in place before he delivers a hard smack to your ass. The pain translates to pleasure in a brief yet delicious second, eyes closing as you moan and bring your body forward. His hand lingers for a while, softer this time as he caresses the warm skin before his fingers travel south, parting your slit and drawing lazy circles against your clit. 

“You’re so wet, baby.”

“Fuck, I am,” you pant, head lolling forward as you breathe into his touch. 

“You’re a little brat today,” he says, matter of factly, staring at your reflection in the mirror as his fingers expertly pull little moans from your lips. 

You look up at him, fucked out eyes pleading, “need you inside me.”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Yes,” your words get caught up in a whiny moan when he pushes two fingers inside of you. “Please.”

“That’s more like it. So pretty when you ask nicely.”

His eyes don't leave yours and you see the way he pushes his swim shorts down slightly, wrapping a hand around his cock before he’s lining himself against your entrance. He teases your hole with the head, smirking at the way you squirm in his hold at the mere action. He wishes he could tease you further, but Jungkook’s time is limited and he knows that much. He pushes his cock inside of you, gasping when he bottoms out. His hips pick up the pace right away, wasting no time as he starts fucking you the way he does when all he wants is to make you cum, perfectly angled so he hits all the right places repeatedly. 

“Fuck, that feels so good, baby,” you mumble, words breaking at the intensity of his thrusts. You close your eyes, try to steady your breathing out but he has other plans as his hand wraps around your neck, pulling you up some as his fingers close around your throat. 

“Keep your eyes open.” 

He looks at you through the reflection in the mirror, takes you in as he fucks you, a low groan escaping his lips when he feels you clench around him. His face contorts in pleasure, a grin pulling at his lips when he realizes you’re already close. The hand that wraps around your throat tightens, applying more pressure at the flesh, making you feel a bit lightheaded in the most perfect way, aiding to the way your senses zero in on him and the way he makes you feel. You know you’re close the moment your tummy tenses, his cock massaging your g-spot with each push and pull of his hips. 

“Oh my God,” you breathe out, hand clasping around his own as you make him press harder. “Don’t stop.”

He moans at your actions, at the way you beg for more with your body when your words fail. He keeps that exact pace up, thumb and middle finger pressing into your throat a bit deeper, just the right amount to have your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your body falling back into him, head on his shoulder as you cum around his cock with a silent moan. The sight before him feels straight out of the craziest of his wet dreams and it makes his cock throb inside of you as your walls milk him through your orgasm. 

Your body shakes a bit as you fall on top of the counter, your hand coming to his hip to get him to stop moving for a second as you cringe a bit in overstimulation. 

“Victory is sweet,” he says, bringing his hand to your back, fingers running down your spine in a soothing manner. 

You smile at him. “I was confident all along. Just needed an excuse to get you to fuck me.”

“Aw, baby. All you had to do was ask.” 

He pulls your body up, hands on your hips as he turns you around and sits you back on the counter. He lets out a low grunt when he pushes his cock back inside you, your pussy pulling him in right away and he knows he won’t last long. 

“Fuck, you feel so good.” 

You giggle, brains completely fucked out before you say, “we’re having a quickie in the bathroom.”

Jungkook scoffs, hands closing around your tits, hips thrusting into you slower, letting himself enjoy it. His head falls, eyes fixed on the way his cock pushes inside of you, moaning at the sight alone. His gaze travels up, taking you in. It’s so hot inside the bathroom he can feel the way his body sticks to yours every time he fucks into you. A single drop of sweat falls from your chest, traveling between your tits before it lands on your navel. His eyes close in a mix of bliss, disbelief and pleasure. 

“You’re so sexy, baby. Shit, I’m so close.”

“Cum for me, Kook. Need it so bad.”

Your arms wrap around his neck, bringing him closer to you as you kiss him, lips locked in his as he breathes out into the kiss, little whines leaving him as he lets himself fall into the feeling completely. You become conscious of him, let yourself enjoy him in this state, when he’s so close to letting go he grows a little desperate, hands all over yours, needy sounds passing his lips, hips lazily moving into you. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he says against your lips, pulling away so he can bury his head down the crook of your neck. He gets carried away – too carried away. His cock throbs inside of you, hips slowing down their pace as his body tenses for a second. He’s about to let himself relax, let himself cum, and it’s then that he realizes he’s still inside of you. “Fuck.” he looks down, pulling out and wrapping a hand around his cock, pumping once before he’s cumming on your leg. You bring a hand to your mouth when you notice, trying to muffle your laughter. “Shit, that was close.”

“Yeah,” you say, bringing his face to yours. “Got carried away?”

“Yeah. Completely let go of the principles of conception for a good minute.”

You laugh. “No conception would’ve taken place. It would’ve been a creampie at the max.”

“Don’t say the word creampie, my dick just jumped and we can’t go again.”

“You’re such a boy,” you say, bringing your lips to his. 

“I’m a man,” he protests, words muffled by your kiss. 

“Mm, yeah you are. You’re also a daddy so let’s get those diapers inside.”

“Don’t say the D-word, my dick just jumped for real and we really can’t go again.”

“Oh my God. You’re so filthy minded!”

You push him off of you playfully, pulling his shorts up before you’re doing the same with your previously discarded swimsuit, jumping a bit as you roll it past your ass. Jungkook smirks at your struggle. 

“Mmmm,” he hums. “Do that again.”

“Have I ever told you you’re an ass man?”

“I’m a you man, baby.”

“Shut up.”

“Shut me up.”

“Oh my God!” 

You both laugh at your flustered state that only seems to edge him on further, but it’s short lived. Your hands land on the door knob of the pool house at the same time, making you giggle before your smiles are falling as you realize that you’re about to do the walk of shame and have no idea how to get out of it.

“Shit,” you say. 

“Shit, indeed,” he says back. 

~

To your fortune, the walk of shame isn’t that bad. It isn’t bad at all, actually. The kids had woken up from their naps and had everyone’s attention so nobody noticed your absence much. To your misfortune (and Jungkook’s) it doesn’t take you long to realize that Mingyu keeps Dae entertained as they play around with water guns. 

Jungkook lets out a big sigh that you don’t miss before he’s clearing his throat and saying, “hey, bro. You made it.”

“Hey,” he says, a little too giddy for his friend’s liking. “Yeah, sorry I’m late. Went on a hike this morning, could barely move afterwards.” He waves at you, a smile on his face.

“Gotta work on that stamina,” Jungkook says, mostly playfully with a little hint of something else. 

“You should come with me the next time, we can work on it together,” he bites back, no hint of anything but playfulness in his words. 

His eyes land back on yours and you give him a tight lipped smile, taking the diapers from Jungkook’s hands before you’re letting him know that you’re gonna go get Soori. He smiles, feels the need to pull you closer, give you a kiss in front of everyone, take your hand in his. Anything. But he doesn’t. He just nods and then you’re on your way. He doesn’t miss the way his friend’s eyes scan over your body, a stupid smile plastered all over his face that makes his blood boil a little. 

You don’t really notice it, though, making your way inside the house and going up the stairs to make it to Soori’s room. She’s awake, jumping a little when she sees you walk inside the room. 

“Hi, baby,” you coo. “Did you have a good nap? Are you ready to keep having fun?”

“Nana,” she whines, making grabby hands at you. 

“Come here.” You get her out of the crib, taking her to her changing table before you’re getting her swimming diapers on and putting her in a clean swimsuit with cute daisies printed all over it. “You’re so cute.” You kiss her cheeks repeatedly until she gets ticklish, pushing you away as she cackles.

You sit her against your hip before you exit her nursery, walking the long hallways and going down the stairs as you sing her a little song she babbles along to. It’s then that you brave yourself for what you’re about to do, walking inside the kitchen, quickly finding Mingyu’s sweater that you’d left on top of the breakfast table this morning. It’ll be quick and harmless. You’ll just hand it over to him, thank him and go about your business. 

It’s a good plan. A great plan even. It’s also a plan that crashes down before it can even take off as you see him make his way inside the kitchen. 

“And so we meet again.” He smiles when he sees you, looking down at Soori and smiling even wider. 

“Hey,” you say, a bit nervously. 

“Came to get some beers, the boys are out.” He walks closer to you, hand coming down to rest on top of Soori’s head as he caresses her hair softly. “Hi Soo Soo.” She smiles, falling into his arms as quickly as he reaches them out towards her. It’s in that moment that you realize that he’s closer to Jungkook than you’d originally thought. He has to be if Soori’s this comfortable around him. 

“Thank you,” you say, passing his sweater over to him. 

“No worries. Sure you don’t wanna keep it? It’s gonna be just as chilly tonight.”

“No, that’s okay.”

“You kinda disappeared last night,” he says, bouncing Soori on his hip, looking down at her so as to not have to look at you when he says this. 

“Yeah, I was really tired, couldn’t get to bed soon enough.”

“It was nice getting to talk to you. I was looking forward to today… just so we could do it again.” He laughs a little, shaking his head at his words. He doesn’t mind your silence, though. “I was thinking… maybe we could grab a coffee when we’re back in the city?”

“Coffee,” you say, and he can’t tell if it’s a question or a statement. 

“Or dinner! Or a movie, or something. Just… hang out. Get to know each other.”

“I’m sorry… I- I don’t think that’s gonna work.”

He smiles. “Yeah, perhaps me asking you this right now isn’t the smartest move, huh?” He looks down at Soori. You’re silent yet again. “Perhaps I’ll leave it up to fate.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Perhaps we’ll bump into each other in some random place like the grocery store or in the middle of a really busy street and… I’ll ask you again. And perhaps you’ll say yes.”

You feel bad. You feel bad because as dense as you might be when it comes to receiving attention, you don’t fail to see that he likes you. Genuinely, sincerely likes you. Or at least likes the idea of you enough to want to pursue it further and get to know you. 

“Or hey,” he says, making you look into his eyes again. “Maybe I’ll make my own fate.”

~

“Sorry what,” Jungkook’s head turns so fast he’s sure he’s given himself whiplash, grateful to not have taken the sip of beer he’d planned on the moment he started talking because he’s sure he would’ve spat it out. 

Mingyu’s idea of making his own fate was… something, to say the least. And so there he was, next to Jungkook as they both started the fire for the grill, asking him to be his wingman. 

“I mean, perhaps it was a bit wrong of me to ask her out while she’s on, you know,” he says, looking at Jungkook and pointing at him with the tongs, “the clock and whatnot. But fuck I don’t know. She’s just so-” he sees the way Jungkook looks at him in shock and it makes him chuckle. “Am I making any sense right now?”

“No.”

“Yesterday- we hit it off. But you know, it was casual. We barely got to know each other in a,” he pauses for a second, and every pause makes Jungkook’s blood boil further. “Deeper level. So I tried to not look into it that much. But then I got home and got in bed and all I could think about was her. Like, fuck, I felt eighteen again. She’s so beautiful. She’s so fucking sweet. And so I knew it couldn’t end there. So I just asked her out.”

“When?”

“In the kitchen, when I went to get the beers. She was giving me my sweater back and I thought to myself, might as well.”

“And what did she say,” Jungkook asks. 

“She said no. She said she doesn’t think it’s gonna work.” Jungkook lets out a breath he very much knew he was holding. “But I blame myself for that. I mean, I get why she wouldn’t agree to it right now. She’s technically on the clock, like I said, and I get why it could be perceived as inappropriate.” 

“Yeah,” Jungkook says, eyes a little lost, quite literally begging for the earth to swallow him. 

“But that’s where you come into the picture.”

“How exactly do I come into the picture,” he says, but what he really thinks is, I already am in the picture, dumbass. She’s mine. He also realizes this would be an extremely childish thing of him to say.

“Well, you know, we’ve been friends for so long. You can put in a good word for me, sort of encourage her to-”

“You want me to encourage my nanny into going on a date with my friend?” His words have edge to it but Jungkook doesn’t care anymore, not that Mingyu seems to notice, too caught up in the visions of a future with you he’s formed inside his head. 

“Well, when you put it like that it sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen, I get it,” Jungkook scoffs. “But, you know, maybe you could do it in a lighthearted manner. Like, yeah he’s a great guy! You totally deserve to be happy! You know, kinda like… a brotherly figure. Yeah! That’s it!”

“You’re fucking insane.” Now he really doesn’t care that his words have bite to them. And Mingyu’s head is still way up in the clouds for him to notice they do. 

He chuckles. “Maybe I am. But she’s…,” his eyes find you in the crowd, “different. She’s special you know?” 

Yes, I know, is what Jungkook wants to say. But instead he says nothing. 

Mingyu looks back at him. “But hey, I’ll find a way. I’m telling you, man. This was written in the stars. Luck is on my side. Then you can play cupid,” he says, patting his back. 

Jungkook laughs faintly. Not because anything’s funny, but because he’s glad the conversation is over. 

“I’ll be right back.”

“Sure, I’ll get this started,” Mingyu says, motioning to the grill. 

Jungkook tries to stop it, but he can’t help it. He feels the way his heart constricts inside his chest. He’s angry, furious even, but he can’t do anything to release said anger. He had to sit through that conversation and pretend like his friend’s words were only fucked up because he was trying to get with his nanny, not because he was trying to get with his- 

Girlfriend.

Jungkook wants to call you his girlfriend but he knows he can’t. He knows he has no right to call you that because you aren’t his girlfriend. Because Taehyung was right – you guys weren’t exclusive. You didn’t owe him anything. Not a title he hadn’t asked for. Nor loyalty. Nothing. If you wanted to, you could very well accept Mingyu’s proposal. He was there, at your disposal, and perhaps even in ways Jungkook hadn’t been. He’d been straightforward with you. Bold, even. Jungkook almost had to admire it. He’d gone up to you and simply… asked you out. Showed interest, shot his shot. He liked you. He liked you and Jungkook knew he liked you in a way that you deserved. The realization sinks into him, a punch that knocks the air out of him as he makes his way through the garden and out into the beach. 

He’s so caught up in his own thoughts that he doesn’t notice you noticing him. But you do. You notice the way he talks to Mingyu, see the way his eyes grow darker with each passing second. You see the way he pushes the anger that threatens to leave him away. See the way he makes his way through the garden, steps a bit lost, like he doesn’t know where he’s going. You see the way his face falls with every step until they land in what you can only describe as sadness. The moment he’s out of sight, you excuse yourself from the conversation you’d halfheartedly been in, and go after him. 

He faces the ocean, takes in the sun as it begins to set, the air growing colder around him, the breeze making the waves choppier before they break at his feet. His mind is blank now and he’s almost grateful, his thoughts unable to attack him any further. All he can focus on is the sky turning colors and the ache that grows inside his chest. 

“Jungkook.”

Your voice is a whisper that gets caught up in the wind and for a second you think he doesn’t hear you, but then he’s turning his head around, eyes on yours as you make your way to him. The sand feels heavy on your feet, almost like it wants to stop you. But once you’re face to face with him he smiles. He smiles and you almost want to buy it but you know it’s not fully there. Nonetheless, you smile back. Your lips pulling up with the same nature as his. 

“Hi,” he says, looking at you for what the eternity of a second can hold before his gaze is back to the blue of the sea and the pink of the sky. 

“What happened?” You don’t have to pretend like you don’t know something did. You see the way he smiles again, only this time it holds something more. Bitterness, perhaps. 

He doesn’t look at you when he says, “Mingyu told me.”

“Told you what?”

“About him asking you out… he really likes you, you know?”

“Jungkook, I’m sorry. I- I said no. I told him-”

“I know,” he says, and it’s soft, holds no anger or resentment. “I guess that I’m just realizing that if you hadn’t said no… I couldn’t really hold it against you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Your voice grows faint, a silent plea. You want him to look at you. 

“I can’t pretend like you owe me anything. And that’s on me, I guess. No- I know. I know it’s on me. And so I guess it’s catching up to me.”

You scoff, turning your face away from his, your own gaze fixated on the sea. The sky paints itself orange. You wrap your arms around your body, shaking your head in disbelief. 

“You still don’t get it, do you?”

He’s silent, and for once you welcome it. You don’t think the words you say next could leave you if he weren’t. And although brave, your voice is soft when you say,

“Jungkook, I love you.” You feel it when his eyes are on you. “I love you,” you shrug, a faint laugh leaving your lips. “I love you in the heat of the moment and I love you in the warmth of it. I love you when it’s cold. I love you when it’s freezing, even. I love you. And you don’t get it still. And perhaps I should try and find better words in hopes that you’d understand but I’m afraid that all I have is…,”

You pause, look into his eyes. 

“I love you.”

~

★taglist★

@roro-in-utopia @yiyi4657 @littlrmills14-blog @namjooningelsewhere@drownforryou @iwanttohitmyself @finelinememories @yukiehyukie@shatzkrinslinzki @bts-fic-recs-mess @kokoandkookie @subtlepjiminie@hobipost @kookiesbreaky @di0rgguk @bloopkook @babyrosieareroses@kookiecrumb @casspirit0705 @eclectictacozinewobbler @tickledpink55@rjsmochii @dimcorner @miniiimee @vintageroses10 @amyniu @tessxblxckthorn@emotionaltrashcansblog @fangirl125reader @laurynne5 @thickgrinch@dianaxnyc @ruinsofangels @berryonasummerevening @taeslarityy@hisunshiine @preciouschiminie @ruclements @galaxyflab @jalexad@missseoulite @bangtannoonalvg @kootonins @lustremyg @kissme-ornot@92thk @everythingaboutfangirling @cakecobain @callmejimmeo @simp4tae@landl7xoxo @jungjoonie @sanfransolomitatm @khadeeeeej @mar-lo-pap @nanjeonlangakook @parkinglot-nights @purplebeebs

[theawkwardanglophile]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you to the wonderful @thisnightissparkling089 for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

I have 21, and older fics on FF. My goal is to get everything I've done on Ao3 soon.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

51,556

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently The Rookie, but have previously written fics for The Big Bang Theory, Gilmore Girls, New Girl, and Single Parents.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

While I'm Alone and Blue as Can Be

And If You Have a Minute (Why Don't We Go)

Maybe I'm Crazy To Suppose

We Must Be Living In the Golden Age

Before I Knew It (I Became All About You)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I try to respond to all of them, but I know a few have probably slipped through the cracks.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I really don't have any! Yikes. I'm a sucker for happy or at least hopeful endings. Maybe the closest would be Who's Gonna Come Around When You Break? It's not exactly angsty, but it is on the sadder side.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Allll of them?? 😂 Here are a few on the fluffier side of endings:

Maybe I'm Crazy To Suppose

My Favorite Line Was "Can I Call You Sometime?"

The Opening Night Prolongation

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don't. I just can't do it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Never written one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet, but I'd certainly be open to a collab!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oof. I have a few in my top tier, but Chenford has probably been the most wonderful shipping experience I've ever had!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The thing is I absolutely want to finish all my fics! The most obvious answer is my Gilmore Girls multi-chapter A Tale in Prose of Fire since it hasn't been updated in *checks date* SIX years. But I know what I want to do with it, and I still plan to finish it. I also have an unpublished Single Parents fic I've been planning since 2020, and knowing literally only a handful of people would read it hasn't given me much motivation to work on it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I LOVE writing dialogue, and I think it's what hopefully stands out in my fics. I've been told several times that my dialogue sounds just like the characters, which in fanfic, I can't think of a better compliment! So that's what I always strive for.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not always the best at fully setting the scene, or getting into more minute details that can enhance the story. I also don't take enough risks in my writing, which isn't a big deal in writing a fluffy one-shot, but in some other pieces I've written over the years, I feel like the stakes could've been higher.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I haven't done it before, and probably the only language I'd feel even the slightest bit comfortable attempting would be Spanish. I'm nowhere near fluent, but know enough I could put some sentences together.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My beloved Shamy from The Big Bang Theory. It's been 10 years since I wrote my first fanfic!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

For my older ones, I love The Relationship Recalibration, especially a specific chapter that was a departure from anything I'd done before. I also love the previously mentioned A Tale In Prose of Fire even though it's still incomplete. And of more recent fics, I'm really proud of what I was able to put together in I Need Your Runway Lights To Burn For Me.

Tagging @sgtbradfords, @firstdegreefangirl, @americorys, @wanna-be-bold, and anyone else who would like to do this!

[rosemaryreality]

Sonic Prime S2 EP1 Reaction.

Alright so we are back to the start? but from Shadow's pov

2. Ooooh so Shadow saw all those freaky giant hollograms(? of their friends

3. Ah, i was wondering about that, so there's a barrier Shadow can't pass through.

4. HE LOST THE CHAOS EMERALD????!!!!!

5. !!!! so SHADOW is the reason why Sonic's shoes would act up???

6. Oof, dude's been trying for a while.

7. I had noticed this before in season 1, but god, the way sonic says "home" breaks my heart every time

8. So he still thinks Shadow isn't the real Shadow? really dude? unlike everyone else, he clearly recognizes you

9. "Sherrif shadow of floating rock world" ALRIGHT WE GET IT!! there's no cowboy world, no need to rub it in

10. DUDE HE CLEARLY SAID YOUR NAME. HE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE. HE IS YOUR SHADOW.

11. Oh. speaked too soon i guess. Anyway FINALLY!!

12. SONADOW HUG!!! i'm redrawing this.

13. LMAO. the way shadow slides to the left, feels so extra for me i love it.

14. If those giant shards weren't there, how would sonic move while in there? would shadow have to carry him?

15. Rip green emerald.

16. Aww he missed the palm trees.

17. "Just like home" but it's not.

18. Holy shit he is gonna see the "ghost" version of tails.

19. Oooooh, interesting. I thought everyone except big would be at the cage, but tails is at the beach near his workshop. So it's not about where they where when it happened, it's probably about significant places.

20. Oh, they're ALL at the beach. I'm guessing the palm tree amy's at is THE palm three, so they really must have plenty of memories there, if it's the place they're all at.

21. Omg i love prime sonic but GOD is he slow, they're not you're real friends!! and where is shadow anyway? i bet he is silently judging you.

22. Oooooh i wonder if this is partly why shadow is so quick to dismiss the people from the shatterverses, even if they're clearly more life like than these versions, it's probably hard for him to consider them as much more than this: shallow versions of their friends, their missing pieces, especially since he can't meet them for himself (yet).

23. THE WAY HE HUGS HIMSELF I CAN'T!!!! i know it's his fault but COME ON!!

24. Oooh the way Shadow looked at his shoes, already planning to steal them?

25. EXCUSE YOU SHADOW WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY BOY NINE?!!! HAVE YOU EVEN MET HIM? WHO ARE YOU TO SAY HE CAN'T BE TRUSTED??!

26. Oh god he really thinks of Nine as "angsty Tails" i'm crying.

27. "He's not tails. he is nine" look at what you've done Sonic, now i have to agree with Shadow just after he insulted Nine.

28. "This is his reality" oh god ummm i don't think I agree with that.

29. Ugh sonic how can i be mad at you when you are defending Nine? still don't like that he doesn't see him as his own person though.

30. Yeah i can't blame Shadow for not trusting Sonic, like, WHO would trust him at this point?

31. "I know what you are capable of" oh? OH? so NEITHER of them trust the other one, huh.

32. OMG HE GRABBED IT WITH HIS MOUTH?? I ACTUALLY LAUGHED OUT.

33. Well, that was fast, let's see his reaction to the fact they do nothing for him.

34. ?????????????????????????? WTF? I'M SORRY DID I MISS A SCENE??

35. OOOOOOOOH HE TOOK BACK THE ONES FOR HIS SHOES.

36. God this Shadow is so extra, couldn't you put that one like a normal person?

37. Wait so they DID help him get out of there, how? maybe those things have some of Sonic's energy on them? whtever it is, couldn't be enough to get past the barriers.

38. I don't know if the place between shatterspaces is a good place to be fighting, Shadow has his airshoes but what if Sonic falls into the void?

39. I couldn't believe Sonic said "come at me, bro" when i heard it, now SHADOW? and he sounded so smug too

40. What happened in new yoke?

41. Oh right, THOSE guys.

42. So sonic can just spindash his way through that place.

43. Man that knocked out shadow BAD.

44. SONADOW PRINCESS CARRY!!!! Sonic prime really is a gift to all ships.

45. OF COURSE he fell on his face, gotta love running gags.

46. Finally got to the "together" part, god is sonic smug about it, on other news, sonadow needs each other, hell yeah.

47. "I won't let you down, shadow" awwwww.

48. For some reason the shadow vision was so funny to me, bro he is not DEAD.

[sapphires-and-silver-linings]

okay I’m sorry I know I already gushed about half-life but I’m thinking of it again and I just freaking love plagas!leon so much you write him so well 😭😭 like I love Leon’s attitude to the reader and how he struggles with his plagas side that just wants to stake a claim yk?

You’re just a fantastic writer.

And don’t even get me started on wolfie (I literally name all of my dogs in video games that????) I would protect him with my life if anything happens to him —

I also love the betrayer! I’m rereading it again and UGH the sadness reader is going through after that shit with Wesker and Chris!!!! He is such a sweetie!!!! I’m really wondering if he’ll eventually divulge how he coped with reader disappearing all those years. I know he spoke a bit about it but yeah!! I know I said this already but you’re just a great writer 🥺

I can’t wait to read the next chapters of both those fics, of course no pressure though! I hope you have a lovely day/night and I’m sorry to dump this on you I just kept thinking of both fics though!

Oh my god thank you so much, this made my night 😭

Like, please, I love hearing people’s thoughts about my stories! I wanna hear people’s opinions on scenes, predictions for future chapters, and even headcanons! That stuff makes me so happy and will often motivate me to write on days I might not be feeling it!

Anyway, something about Plaga!Leon just does something for me, especially morphing the angsty aspects into the typical horny aspects of the infected Leon trope lol.

Wolfie, funny enough, was just gonna be a slight side character, but I couldn’t help but add more to his interactions both for realism and the fact he’s just a good boy 😭 he’s gone from a random addition to a legitimate plot-driver, so take that how you will lol.

As for The Betrayer… oof. I love all my reader inserts, but Lucky is my absolute favorite. She’s relatable but still her own person through and through, and developing her character has been such a joy for me. I definitely put all of my pain and rage in my own life into her, and I feel that’s come across well!

As for Chris, he is just as—if not more so, in some ways—traumatized as Lucky, and I definitely want to tap into his psyche the way I do for Leon in Half-Life. For the next few chapters, we will only get hints of how that trauma manifests, both from him and their friends, but he will eventually have a big focus on him and how affected by everything he is.

And I know it’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted for any of my fics, but I am still writing the latest chapters of both Half-Life and The Betrayer! I really hope to get the inspiration to finish up one or the other soon. I’ve been kind of in a funk because I’m staying with family and they’re keeping me busy lol.

There is more than a slight chance that the next chapters of both fics might be over 15k words, lord help me.

Anyway, no worries, I love getting asks like this! Thank you so much!

[maxwell-the-pizza-boy]

Daisy and lamb definitely gonna be fighting over narinder

Nahhh cause it's exactly that kinda drama i want to avoid in the AU. I feel like by the time Lamb catches feelings for Narinder they wouldn't know what to do because what the fuck i don't know shit about feelings i've been chained up and waiting for over a millenia and Daisy would rather communicate than throw hands or make Lambert's life miserable like a telenovela villainess This is not supposed to be a "I have a rival to win my crush's affection" thing for Lambert, it's rather "I found out i have feelings for someone i can't be with" thing Especially cause they'd probably interacted with Daisy before and have come to the conclusion that she's a nice person (despite all of the cult's actions like sacrifice lmao) and she's the type of person Narinder needs in his life See this is exactly why i'm unsure, i have to fully think this through and see how to avoid bad cliches or serious "writing sins" If the daisy thing becomes true i think either she would understand Narinder doesn't feel anything for her (still feeling hurt but understanding) This is becoming too angsty/serious we need to get onto our silly billy agenda back soon oof

[dontsh0vethesun]

Ask game!

88, 73, 69 (hehehe), 63, 58, 52, 51, 47, 41, 31, 29, 24, 20, and 5¡ 💖

-🍪

oh shit you've put like all of them 😭

88. if you could have another author write your wip for you (bc we all dream of this occasionally), who would it be?

does this mean famous author or fanfic one lmao - famous author i would say maybe otessa moshfegh cuz that girl is cray, she would make it so gross

73. how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

i feel like a bit of both but mainly like a movie scene, helps me actually work out what my brain is trying to write

69. (hehehe) how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel?

yes, i write things from my own mind. empathy isn't something i'm good at so i kinda have to rely on what i personally know

63. what’s the best insult you’ve read in a fic?

oof i can't think of a specific one but the more vile and mean the insult, the more i will love it (not anything offensive tho)

58. what is the last thing that a fic made you google when you were writing it?

i always gaslight myself into thinking i don't know the definitions to the most basic words so it was the definition of 'tryst' 😭😭(which i did know btw)

52. how many unfinished ideas/stories are you working on at the same time?

oh god. i am in the middle of actually writing 8 but then i also have at least 20 outlines for fics AND around 40 requests - my google docs is chaos

51. share the synopsis of a story you work on that you haven’t published yet

i'm around half way through a wednesdayxreader fic where they're in a fwb type situation and then it gets a little angsty and then jealous wednesday is unleashed heheheh

47. what story are you most proud of?

i think my priest wanda fic, a lot of people liked that one and it made me kinda like it and feel less insecure in my writing lmao so i guess it holds sentimental value

41. what is the weirdest story idea you’ve ever had?

hmmmmm, i'm not sure about weird but i've got some pretty dark fic ideas if that counts? including VERY dark wanda and one with a pretty dark natasha romanoff with hitch hiker reader hehhehe

31. tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write

honestly i really enjoy writing my serial killer reader and hope to carry on with that au soon - she's just so unfiltered and evil but in a fun way

29. give us a spoiler for one of your stories.

hmmmm, reader tries and fails miserably at planning a date for her and larissa weems - it's hopefully gonna just be dumb and stupid and fluffy (whoever sent the request is to thank for that one)

24. on average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

it super depends on what my brain does - i've sat and written multiple back to back before or sometimes a get a sentence done before i'm bored lmao

20. what is your favorite trope to write?

ENEMIES TO LOVERS but a very close second is a secret relationship

5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

i actually have ! it was originally for a fic that has long been abandoned but now it fits my serial killer reder and just any dark fic i do

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6GJs4MIxibh1Gcx6JgU7jG?si=a492336f6c014f37

cookie anon ur crazy ily, this was fun though :))))))

[staygolddindjarin]

Grief

Chapter One: History

Din Djarin x Reader x a bunch of other star wars characters

Series Summary: Raised on Mandalore, born into a bloodline of warriors, no one ever expected for the daughter of a Clan leader to go rogue. Leaving the life of security and making the journey to fight in the war against the empire meant many things... giving up the way of the Mandalore, and giving up a solid future. A future that involves an arranged marriage to a foundling from another clan.

Chapter Warnings: Oof this ones kinda angsty right off the bat- ⚠️ attempted suicide?? Kinda?? Age gap (reader is underage, but don't worry it's just for the sake of backstory and also there's no spicy, so...) mentions of death and afterlife, fluff if you like squint really hard

A/n: hello there... I'm sorry to inflict tumblr with this atrocity, but wattpad had to deal with it so tumblr can too. I wrote a different version of this on my wp with an OC name, but I know that not everyone cares for that so this won't include that. Also this series will be such a slow burn... prepare yourself ahead of time because it's going to be agonizing

Words: 6.3k+

SERIES MASTERLIST UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Part 1/?

"Pehea gar mar'eyir ni...."

How did you find me....

He came and sat beside me, the sound of metal scraping agaisnt the ground when he knelt first.

"Gar cuyir te shi solus tion'ad comes olar jii.  Ni kar'taylir gar jate'shya gar mirdir Ni vaabir," He responded.

You are the only one who comes here now. I know you better than you think I do.

I heaved a deep breath before letting it out in an exhausted sigh. Speaking in my native tongue was something I always appreciated, but now sitting here it felt nearly uncomfortable, but there was a reason for that.

"I wanted to be alone," The words from my mouth were no longer in my language, and he shifted beside me, trying to convey his confusion without a word.

"Care to elaborate?" He suggested, his asking tone was harsh... but then so was everything else about him.

I didn't really feel like explaning my feelings at the moment. I didn't want to focus on the very thing he was asking about. Even though he wasn't absolutely sure of what he was asking.

"You wouldn't understand if I told you," I trailed off.

"Try me." His voice wasn't any softer, but the sincerity he rarely showed had seeped into his tone.

"I really don't think it's a good idea. You really won't understand, and for all I know you could make things worse off for me than they already are," I didn't like it when he let his guard down around me. I didn't like getting closer to him, even though I was supposed to.

"I can't force you. Whatever it is, I wouldn't get myself too worked up," He sounded hurt, but I couldn't bring myself to believe it was by my words. He was too strong to be wounded by such trivial things.

He moved in his seat, beginning to stand, and for some reason the thought of being alone like I had originally intended seemed like a horrible idea.

I reached out to grip his arm. I kept my gaze forward, knowing that even if I looked at him I could not see his eyes.

"Stay."

He didn't hesitate. He sat down again, and I no longer felt guilt for the hurt in his voice a moment prior.

We sat for a moment in silence, just looking over the cliffside, into the deep canyons that wove in between settlements and encampments of our tribes and clans.

"I don't want this life," I whispered. I had only half hoped he would be paying enough attention to hear me. My voice was soft enough that he might not have.

"What do you mean?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, regretting the choice to even say what I did. I felt a shiver go down my arms, and I felt the wind come into the old open cavern, making the air around me chill. My arms were exposed, for I didn't expect the cold tonight. I didn't expect to be here this long.

"I'll turn sixteen in four days. I will either take the creed, or deny everything I've ever been taught. I'd leave if I do that," I finally gave a glance in his direction. He looked back at me, or at least the beskar did. I could never tell where his eyes were.

"You want to leave?" That pained tone of his voice had returned. The one I felt guilty for without actually believing I had done anything to cause it.

I did. I wanted to get off this planet. Away from the responsibility of becoming what everyone expected of me.

"I have to. It's the only way I will ever be at peace, but I'm not sure if I truly have the strength to stand in front of my family and deny the creed."

I could run away. I had some friends who were planning to jump a transport and join the rebellion against the empire.

They had offered me to be apart of this, but I had refused, believing that I would follow in my ancestors footsteps and take the creed. My father had already provided the beskar for my helmet to be made. It was already in the armourer's possession. All that was left was for me to come of age.

"Where did you go, just now?" He noticed my lack of attentiveness to my current reality, and brought me back to where I was. On the drafty cliffside, with my legs hanging over the end.

"Nowhere. I was just thinking about the future," I had admitted. Though I felt the need to stay emotionally distant from him, and not let myself develop a closeness, I knew I could trust him with my life, which is why I even revealed these things to him in the first place.

"What do you think your future will look like?" The tone that brought me guilt had again left his voice, but was replaced by something else... was it fear? I could not even think of theorizing that he could ever be scared. He was one of the bravest in his clan. Never had he shown an ounce of fear to anyone or anything. How stupid of me to even wonder.

"Merc and his crew are gonna stow away on a crate transport tomorrow. He has contact with the rebellion. He said that I could go with them if I was up for it," I looked down, almost embarrassed at admitting a plan of escape to someone so loyal to this place. Even though he wasn't born on this planet, and even though he wasn't a blood member of any tribe, the foundling was more of a mandalorian than I could ever be.

"You've agreed?"

"No. Not yet," I shook my head. I didn't feel like my reasons were valid. Having him sit beside me, and ask me these things made me realize that I needed to explain myself further.

"Din, I want to be free. I don't want to spend the rest of my life under a code that is so restricting to me, binding my every decision. Everything I'd do would have to be following after the creed."

He didn't respond, and even though his features were shrouded under the reflective surface of his beskar, I could tell he was thinking of something.

"I'm not yet sixteen, but when I am... I don't want to be locked down under a piece of metal. I don't want to have to be bound to this planet or a clan. I want to go some place far away and be something that is different than what everyone expects of me. I want to fight battles against the empire, I want to make my own rules. I want to be free to marry who I love, and not be betrothed to whoever my father chooses for me," I finished off my speech about freedom, but realized the last sentence too late. I should have chosen a better set of words.

Din's head hung down, looking at the wrist guards he wore. He shook his head back and forth and before I could interject, he began speaking.

"So that's why...." he trailed off. I was honestly too scared to say anything now. Why must I speak so bluntly and hurtfully honest to people? Perhaps it is because I had never gotten close to him that now I had no fear in what I said to his face.

"If the reason you plan to leave your family is because of me, then-"

"No," I said harshly, catching him off guard. I was usually snippy with others, but I had never before shown a tendency to be angry or intense with my speech. "Believe me, this has nothing to do with you."

"You have always shown enthusiasm towards coming of age. It's only now, when we are arranged, that you show any difference," He brought on certainty in his voice that I nearly couldn't deny, but the truth was... it really wasn't about him. "I can converse with your father, the rest of the clan... I will find a way to break it off if it will make you stay."

"Din, I don't want you to do that. If you don't believe me when I tell you that you are not the cause of this, then so be it, but I will not have you ruining your good name in my favor, when it won't even stop me," The heat of the moment provided actual, physical warmth for me in the time I was running my mouth off, but now that I had finished, and begun to calm down, I felt the freezing air on my arms again, wrapping them around myself and drawing my legs closer to generate more body heat.

"Are you cold?" He changed the subject, needing something- anything else to say.

"Its not exactly warm up here," My voice was low and sarcastic, but at hearing my words, Din stood up and stepped behind me. Before I even had a chance to ask him what he was doing, I felt his thick woolen cape being draped around my shoulders.

I smiled softly, not even a real, full smile. More of just a small tug from the side of my lips. My real smile was saved for later.

"Thank you."

He nodded as he sat back down, letting his legs fall over the cliffside.

"So you're gonna leave with them, aren't you?" His head turned to face me, but I couldn't dare try and stare at the beskar while thinking of what I would do. This choice was the beginning of the rest of my life.

"I think so," I didn't think. Thinking was what I had been doing too much of. Now I was certain. This was my choice. I was going to start new, and become something different. I may have been born on mandalore, but I was definitely not a mandalorian.

I had a rush of confidence come through me until I remembered what this meant. It all hit me like a dropship coming out of hyperspace. What was I thinking?

"No," I whispered. Din didn't understand my sudden discouragement, but he would soon.

"Merc and his friends already denied the creed. He's a foundling. They all are," I started to tear up as I realized what would happen to my family. The loss of a child in a clan is bad enough, but my family hadn't done anything to dessrve this. They were caring. They had shown me love. They had given me the best life I could ask for on a planet with such a religion.

"Second thoughts?" He asked genuinely, scooting closer beside me as to maybe get more information from my body language, or even my breathing.

"I can't do this. My family would be ruined. If I ran away, they would be punished for it," I felt tears coming up in my eyes. My clan was good to me. The people were kind, and I found solace there. Even if I had always dreamt about something bigger, I couldn't bear to let ruin come upon my family name. It wasn't fair to let that happen, especially when the only thing in the way was my own selfishness. "I can't leave my family."

I let the tears stream down my face, not even bothering to wipe them away. The contrast of the cold wind on my hot, tear streaked face had helped to calm me down a little.

"If you plan on staying, you understand that I am apart of your future here, don't you?"

"Din, I already told you before... you are not the reason I want to leave," I tried my best to keep myself together, but with my wet cheeks and red, puffy eyes, I didn't see how that could be an option.

What if there was another way to freedom?

I sat, trying to think of some stories that the other clan members would talk about.

"Din?"

He hummed in response, keeping his gaze on me.

"Has anyone in your clan ever mentioned afterlife?" I maybe should have taken a different approach to this. He seemed to be rendered speechless by my topic of conversation, but I had to ask.

"You mean after death?" He asked me and I nodded.

"I've heard some stories."

I thought about how it had been described to me. A paradise, with never-ending happiness, and unlimted freedom. Freedom.

"After you die, you appear in the world as another life. You can do whatever you want and no one has consequences for any of it. It's like a world without chaos. Everything is perfect," I remember every word as it comes out of my mouth. The words that were spoken to me, more like taught to me when I was a bit younger by the elders who had retired from their days of battle.

"It sounds too easy." He said, ripping me out of my fantasy.

"That's the point. You don't have to worry about anything or anyone, because you can do as you please, and everything will still be the same. All you have to do is die...."

"Like being reborn into a different world."

"Exactly."

I hesitated to take my safety blaster from it's holster under my hip, and when I did, I looked at it before pointing it out in the distance and testing the trigger. It shot a blast of lazer energy out into the air, landing somewhere beneath us in the canyon.

I decided that this was not an act to pursue at the moment, for Din was sitting right beside me, and the sight of watching a young girl pull the trigger against her own head might be an unpleasant one. Even for him, though he has seen worse.

I put the blaster back in it's holster and stand up from the rocky ground. Din follows suit, looking down at me with quiet concern. I wouldn't have known it until now, but I wondered if he had come to care for me at all during these last few weeks we had been betrothed.

I'd known him the majority of my life anyways, so I knew he must have felt some sort of attachment to me, but in what form, I hadn't ever cared to ask.

He kept breathing heavily as he looked down at me for a few moments, and it almost sounded like he wanted to ask me something. The question was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to utter the words.

"Here's your cape back," I slid the material off my shoulders, trying to hand it back to him, but he pushed it back towards me.

"You should keep it for now. The sun is nearly down, it will only grow colder."

He reached his gloved hand up to my face, and I could swear I felt the warmth of his hand beneath the coarse leather.

I only nodded, and leaned forward, trying to lean my head into him, but he carefully stopped me, his hands on my shoulders. Instead he rested his helmet against my forhead, and the cold beskar wasn't such a bad feeling as it rested there.

"I won't let you down. I promise." He said, clueless of my plans for later tonight, after the tribes were asleep, and no one would be at the cliffside.

"I know you won't. You're a good man, Din Djarin." I paused, trying to gather better words. "A true Mandalorian if there ever was one."

The moment didn't last any longer because of how frigid the air was becoming. It was warmer back with the tribes, they always had a fire burning.

Without another word, we both left the old artillery cavern and hiked down the side of the canyon to get back to our own clan territory.

Once I was at the edge of mine, I turned around to utter a simple goodbye, and found that he was very close behind me. His hand came up and rested on my shoulder, lightly squeezing it.

Maybe this was the last time we would see each other. Tonight I would envoke my plan to freedom, to rebirth. Perhaps we would meet in another life. Perhaps I would have just enough memory of this life to try and find him in the next one. One where I will have freedom.

Tonight I had gotten closer to the metal clad Mandalorian than I ever had before. I didn't regret it. He listened to what I had to say, and there were few who ever did.

His hand fell from it's place on my shoulder, but I didn't let him walk away yet. I pulled him into an embrace, feeling him tense up for a moment before reciprocating. It took him a few seconds to let out the breath he was holding in, but when he did, he found himself relaxing into the comfort.

"Goodbye, Din," My voice wasn't sad, or overly sensitive in any way. I figured it actually sounded quite optimistic.

"You know I'll see you tomorrow." He said, reminding me of the clan meetings. Once a month the clans would gather and each tribe would go over the agenda for whatever was to happen soon. Battles were normally discussed, but tomorrow, me and a few of the others in the other clans would be talked about. Our ceremonial coming of age where we would take the creed.

"Yeah... right. Don't come looking for me, I don't plan on showing up," I said quietly, careful in anyone was to hear me.

He pulled me back at arms length and looked at me, but his black blast shield hid his features and I could not tell if he thought I was crazy or not.

"How come?" His voice was also quiet, as we noticed some of my clan passing by to get to the fire.

"Don't worry about it. You'll still see me tomorrow," I lied. Or did I? Everyone within the five neighboring tribes would probably see me tomorrow.

He nodded, pulling us all the way apart and stepping back.

"Good."

He didn't look like he was gonna walk away until I had gone into the hub of my clan's small village. I turned around and walked towards the large fire, seeing my mother. Her helmet was unmistakable. The pattern of the strill engraved into the side of the beskar. It was her signet. A worthy kill of her days in battle. I would never have one. I walked towards her when she noticed me.

Her modulated voice let out a small chuckle, before I stepped beside her.

"It is well to see you spending time with Din Djarin. Me and your father were afraid you may not have been fond of him," She kept her gaze on the fire, speaking only loud enough for me to hear her, given that the other mandalorians of our village were also gathering around the fire, conversing with each other the same way we were.

"I am fond of him, why would I not be?" I was unsure of what she meant. Sure, I had been keeping a distance between us since my father had arranged our marriage, but I never had shown that I wasn't fond of him. I was polite, and gave him attention when it was asked of me.

"Whenever I or your father bring up the discussion of your eighteenth birthday, you always seem to act like it's the plague," She was smirking under her helmet, and I could tell. I could always tell what face she made underneath her metal covering.

"Maybe it's the fact that I dread getting married at all. I'm not opposed to Din, though," I convinced her. I wouldn't have to try and do that again after tonight.

"Whatever it is, your father will be pleased to know you and him were in each other's company. Although I will stray from telling him you two were alone... you were alone, weren't you?" She turned her metal covered head, trying to figure out from the look on my face.

"Yes," I answered truthfully, knowing there was no point in lying. No damage could be done at this point, except for maybe towards Din.

"And what were you both doing?" She tilted her head, and I let mine drop. I would tell her the truth, because nothing bad could come from it. Or could it.

"We were just talking... about the future," I answered.

"Your marriage..." She suggested, and I nodded, knowing that it did come up in the conversation.

"Yes."

"I shudder to ask if consummating was apart of this conversation," She looked back at the fire, knowing how red my cheeks would turn and how embarrassed I would be.

"No, nothing like that. I can promise you," I shivered at the thought. Din was a good man, but I didn't necessarily need to be letting thoughts like that intrude my mind.

Everyone else around the fire seemed to be distracted by the glowing flames, and my mother was soon the same, so I suggested my absense.

"I'm going to go in for the night, get some rest. Big meeting tomorrow..." I said before reaching out and squeezing her hand tightly.

She nodded to me, and I took my leave, walking towards our living quarters on the opposite side of camp.

I wasn't looking where I was going, and brushed my shoulder against Merc, who was with Gander and Shyloh.

"Sorry, didn't see you coming," I told him, but he shook his head, optiing ti ask me a question instead.

"Don't worry about it, I was looking for you anyway... Did you think about the offer? We leave at sunrise on the north delivery tarmac," He informed me, but I didn't have an answer. I wasn't staying here, but I wasn't leaving either.

"You'll know if I show up," I gave him a smirk, partially just because I was glad to see someone's actual face tonight, and not just a metal facade.

"We can't wait up for you, just know that."

I nodded, letting them get by. Maybe I could go with them. Live this life freely without starting another one.

No.

My family will not be able to handle that. It's better off if I'm dead. At least they won't go on to believe that I betrayed them, turning my back on all loyalty they had ever taught me. They would nevwr wonder if I ever loved them or planned on keeping their wishes.

I could start fresh. They wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. And I wouldn't have to worry anymore either. Rebirth.

I went straight to bed, clutching the woolen blanket beside me close to my chest.

For some reason I felt a pang of guilt in my chest. Something that made the sting of salty tears swell in my eyes. I knew that what I was doing was best, but yet I started having a hard time justifying something so drastic. They would get on fine without me, wouldn't they? They would go on living by the creed. This is the way. They will find a way to go on without me, like they did before I was born. Din will be arranged with another girl as soon as I'm gone. Everything will be alright.

The wetness that spilled over my eyes and down my face lasted hours, even though my mind kept telling itself that it was at peace.

It was in the dead of night, when I gathered a few of my belongings into a knapsack, throwing it over my shoulder before leaving out the tattered window of my private space.

I ventured to the canyon, with the moons lighting my way. The planet was never truly dark, due to the brightness and the number of shinning moons, all the color silver.

I set my knapsack down on the edge beside me. By the end of this, I would be at the bottom, waiting to be found the next day. I just hoped it wouldn't be anyone I knew. Of course, the number of people who ever came out here was only two. Me, and Din Djarin.

I hoped he wouldn't find me. I hoped it would be someone from another tribe that was flying over, and happened to spot something at the base of the cliffside.

I pulled my flask to my mouth, taking a large drink. A bit spilled onto my chin, and I wiped it off, feeling the breeze on my face. It was much colder now than earlier tonight. I wasn't sure if I should pull the blanket from my belongings and wrap it around myself, or skip the process of making myself comfortable and just get this over with.

I leaned over, looking straight at the ground, hundreds of feet below me. My heart started racing, and I got scared. Why shouldn't I be? I have every right to be absolutely terrified. I closed my eyes, trying to scoot myself over the edge inch by inch, seeing if I would just drop.

I nearly panicked when my bottom hit a crack in the ground and I thought I was going over. My breath hitched in my throat and I instantly pulled myself back.

"This isn't as easy as I thought it would be," I murmered, beginning to feel the emotional side of everything rise to the surface again. It didn't help that with the absolute silence that circled around me, I couldn't have any single thing to distract me.

I stood to my feet, wrapping my arms around myself to ease the goosebumps rising on my skin from the frigid air.

I stood right on the edge, lifting a foot over and leaning forward, but before I could fall, I again caught myself, the adrenaline working overtime in my system and beginning to heat me up.

That wasn't going to work either. If I could, I would put a blaster to my temple and pull the trigger, but then it wouldn't look like an accident.

I paced around back and forth a few times, trying to calm myself down, to stop the whimpering and to make my tears cease. It wasn't working. I just needed to get this over and done with. A new life, with endless possibilities was waiting for me on the other side. Freedom was on the other side.

I wiped my face, even though it didn't stop me from crying, but it helped me to see clearer. I backed up, into the cavern, all the way inside until my back hit the wall of the ex artillery carvern. This was it. A new beginning. Rebirth. New life. Freedom.

I ran as fast as I could toward the edge, my eyes closed. I could feel the wind blowing against me even harder with my speed, and I could tell the edge was drawing near. Every step I took, I felt as though it was my last one.

I finally felt my foot hit the edge, but then I never fell. Instead, I was tackled to the ground. Whoever landed on top of me was heavy enough to hold me down, because half of me was hanging off the edge of the cliff.

I didn't dare even open my eyes. This was a sign. Someone stopped me.

I clinged onto whoever it was, and knew almost instantly who was laid over me when I heard him groan.

I cried even harder, my head buried in his armor clad chest, and my arms around his neck and his torso.

He was holding me tightly, one hand cradled my head into his neck, and the other firmly gripped my waist. He rolled us both over and I swear I felt him shaking.

"What were you thinking?" He stressed, his grip on me tightening as if he was scared to let go. I was scared too. I didn't want him to let go.

"You have to talk to me..."

I heaved a deep breath, deep enough to steady my voice so my whimpering didn't interfere with my words.

"I want out. I need to get out," I cracked in the middle of saying so few words, but they conveyed the message I was trying to get through.

"I can get you out, I promise.... But please don't ever try that again," His voice was full of worry, and as I suspected, he was trembling in fear.

"I'm sorry..." I cried some more, realizing that what I had done was now the biggest mistake I ever made, even if I was saved.

"It's okay. You're okay. I've got you," He spoke to me, my voice quieting down as my sobbing came to a slow halt.

I lifted my face from where I had burrowed it into his neck, looking up at him. I didn't know what his expression was, but something told me it was fearful, and worrysome.

"I have to get out of here," I repeated again. The last day or so it became my mantra, and would leave my lips often, even just to myself. Mostly just to myself.

"You're going to. You're going with Merc... when are they leaving?" He asked, his arms still around me like mine were for him.

"At sunrise. They're gonna jump a delivery ship on the north tarmac," I explained, my voice was now hoarse and thick, due to not only all the crying I had done, but also the cold night air that had entered my lungs.

"Sunrise isn't for a few hours..." he let me know, and I nodded, knowing we shouldn't probably leave yet, for the walk to the north tarmac wasn't very long from here.

"Din, if I leave, my family is going to get the fire for my decision. I can't let that happen," I told him, my voice had become more firm, and I needed to convey the importance of how much this meant to me.

"I give you my word, that as long as I live, nothing will happen to your family," He swore, and I could just feel his eyes staring into mine. So much so that for the first time since he put that helmet on, I knew where his eyes were.

"I trust you. And I know that you'll always keep your word," I nodded, a small smile finally forming on my face.

Since it got fairly quiet, and we were still entangled together,  I scooted off of Din and opted instead to take the seat beside him.

"I should tell you some things before I go. I just don't want to leave anything unresolved," I admitted, and he stayed silent, waiting for me to continue.

"I know this might sound horrible, but I hated the idea of getting too close to you. It was like if I had formed an emotional bond with you, I wouldn't be able to leave anymore. And the last thing on my mind had been to stay. I've wanted freedom for a while now, I was just always too scared to say anything. And when my father told me that you and him had come to an agreement for arranging a marriage.... it's like it all became more real to me. My freedom would be taken in just days. The creed of mandalore is sacred, and it's truly an amazing thing... but it isn't for everyone."

He sat and took everything in. All the words that just spewed from my mouth like I had been holding them in for ages went against everything I had ever learned. Everything that had ever been put into my mind was the opposite of what I wanted.

"You're young. You want more than what the creed can offer you. I think you'll be able to find what you want wherever you're going," He said, I knew there was more, for he didn't even mention anything that I had said about not wanting to be close to him, but when he stayed silent, I knew he was finished, and that I still had more to say.

"Din, I wanted to tell you that if I had to be married, I wouldn't have minded it being you," I admitted. I would leave no stone unturned before I was to just pick up and leave forever... maybe not forever, maybe someday I would return to my family, to Din.

"I can't say I don't feel the same," He seemed to become stiff next to me, but I soon found the reason when he suddenly reached for my hand with his gloved one.

I took it proudly, intertwining our finhers together.

"You know, I was only an eight year old kid when you took the creed. I have so many memories of you yourself, but whenever I recall them... I can't see your face. I've completely forgotten what you look like," I laughed a bit, though it was quite a sad thing actually. I could not remember him in a way that wasn't covered in metal. I remembered that he was a boy once, and that he would play with all the younger children in the clan set next to his. He played with me and the kids I lived next to. He was a lively, energetic boy. Always doing something... sometimes causing mischievous acts. He was so different now. But the change wasn't bad. Since he'd taken the creed he has been the most noble, fearsome, and trustworthy member of his clan. Completely honorable in every sense of the word.

"I don't look like I used to. It wouldn't do you any good to remember anyways," He chuckled under his helmet, and it brought a smile to hear the melodic sound.

"Well, if I'd stayed long enough to marry you I would find out for myself," I leaned my head on his shoulder, feeling comfort by his presence. If I had made the absolute decision to leave this planet earlier, I could have let myself grow a relationship with him. Romantic or not, he was easy to talk to, and I trusted him. He was a friend to me, and I never imagined more, but now his presence was just something that put me at such ease.

"Do you think you'll ever come back?" He pondered, seeing as just the tiniest moonrays shown down into the canyon ahead.

"Someday. I'll comeback and repay you."

"For what?"

"Saving my life," I replied. My attempt to throw my own life away had been pushed away but I had to bring it up. I owed him my life.

"Anyone would have done the same if they had seen," He insisted, and I shook my head.

"How did you even know I was out here?" My curiosity got the better of me, and I asked for an explanation.

"I couldn't sleep, I took a walk through Ronion until I found myself here. I saw you across from the mesa on the south side... I saw you lift your foot over the edge, I knew what you were trying to do," He said, his grip on my hand got tighter almost instantly.

"Thank you. If you hadn't been there, I would be at the bottm of this canyon." I let so much seriousness onto my voice, and it didn't sound like me.

"Don't thank me yet... not until I get you on the tarmac,"

We sat in silence after that, just looking out over the horizon. When the slightest bit of light hit the edge of the planet, we stood to our feet, gathering my knapsack and begining the journey to the north delivery tarmac.

We were there in no time, and before I could even look for them, Merc and his crew were in sight. They were all sitting with their backs against some cargo imports, waiting for the transport to arrive.

"Well, well, well... look at what the shriek hawk dragged in," Shyloh said, gesturing to me and Din.

"Djarin, I didn't expect to see you here," Merc raised an eyebrow at the sight.

"I'm just here to make sure she gets onto the transport safely," He assured them. I looked out of the corner of my eye, and in the brighter horizon I was able to see a cargo ship coming into the landing area.

"Our rides here," I said, and they all jumped up. Since the ships were automatically run, and don't even require droids, it was often very easy to hop aboard and be carried to another destination. Of course, there were only a few who ever wanted to leave.

I myself hadn't ever left Mandalore, neither had I traveled much even on the planet. Only a few trips to visit the the markets with my father. I never even went into the city, for it was told that in the city lived Mandalorians who did not keep the creed. The tribes were convinced that they hadn't actually ever taken the oath, and just wore the armor for the sake of doing it.

The ship's doors opened, pulling me out of my thoughts, and a conveyer belt folded down to let the cargo units be carried out onto the tarmac for later pickup.

"Alright, it's time to head out," Gander said, slinging his knapsack over his shoulder and boarding the transport.

The rest followed after him, but I still had one thing left to do. 

Din looked at me, waiting for me to join the others, but I came close to him one last time.

"You promise my family will be taken care of?" I asked, to which he simply answered with a firm nod. However the look on my face gave him reason to believe that his answer wasn't good enough, so he spoke instead.

"I give you my word. If they are not taken care of, I will let you strike me dead where I stand."

That was good enough for me. He truly meant it. He was a man of his word.

I pulled his head toward mine, resting ny forehead against his in a traditional mandalorian kiss. I pulled back when I heard my name being called from the transport.

"Goodbye, Din Djarin," I told him.

He didn't respond, he just let me go, watching intently as I boarded the ship before the doors closed.

The cargo transports were always on schedule, so as soon as the doors closed, it began lifting into the air. I looked out through the transparent view finder on the side, watching him stand as we began moving out of sight.

"You gonna miss him?" Shyloh asked, his brows furrowing as if he were sorry for me.

"Yes, I suppose I will."

I lost sight of Din, and realized we were leaving the atmosphere most likely preparing for a jump to hyperspace.

"But I'll see him again."

.

.

Tags are open ig...

A/n: please don't get too caught up in the age gap y'all it's just for backstory purposes because this story is eventually going to follow canon events.... (also i know that this doesn't really portray Mandalore correctly, but let's pretend it does because i had this idea)

[binunus]

college bf!eunwoo

a/n I LOVE HIM !! I WOULD LITERALLY RISK IT ALL FOR HIM !! also rip to the disappointing hookup experience I had that made an appearance in this headcanon...yes I’m still angry about it.

→ pairing: eunwoo x f!reader

→ genre: smut, fluff, fwb to lovers

→ tw: hookup culture, mentions of drinking and drug use, implied almost SA, this is a bit heavy compared to the other ones like please be a cautious a little when you’re reading this

→ word count: 5.6k

_______________________________

here we go ladies and gents

i had something completely different planned for this

and it was super angsty and dramatic

but i had a monumental experience last night so I’m changing this up

and okay okay

i usually try to write all my stuff gender neutral but bc of the idea I have for some of this plot, it’s gonna be a female reader

im sorry to all my male identifying loves :(

and back to our regularly scheduled program

cha motherfuckin eunwoo

lee fuckin dongmin

he doesn’t go by dongmin, he prefers to go by eunwoo, only his family calls him dongmin

as soon as he stepped foot into the university, everyone knew him

and I mean everyone

he’s so attractive

but don’t get it twisted, eunwoo’s the humblest, sweetest bean

he gets very embarrassed when people compliment him for his looks

applied for random roommates his first year and got paired up with swimmer!bin

he and bin become besties and end up rooming together their entire college career

major: music performance, specialty in piano

most people (besides those in the music department or astro) would have never thought eunwoo was a music major, especially since he was incredibly smart and athletic too???

usually gets mistaken for a STEM major

often helps the boys (especially rocky and sanha) with their studies

and oof when he tries out for–and makes it into–the basketball team

everyone ???? floored

eunwoo has game on the court...now with dating??? eh not so much

(at least not sober shh)

he’s tried dating before, at least in the first year or so

the basketball team kept trying to set him up with people

but it never got anywhere substantial and eunwoo always trusted astro to really give the vibe check and no one ever passed

and so he settled for hookup culture every now and then

his emotions are guarded :’(

yes he’s very easy to talk to and always so nice and well mannered

but he’s only himself with astro

now, where do you come into this???

you’re a cheerleader

you and eunwoo know each other by association

you cheer for his home games, you’ve been in a couple of classes together, you’ve seen each other at parties

but would you call yourselves friends?? not really

now you know it’s highly unlikely for you to have a lasting boyfriend in college, especially with your affiliation as a cheerleader, so you also opt for hookup culture

less messy feelings, less drama, less commitment, all that fun

so the first time your paths really intertwine with eunwoo is at a party

the basketball team won a big game and they were out celebrating yuh

and ofc since it’s his team, eunwoo popped out

he only really attends parties hosted by the basketball team bc he feels a bit obligated to go LOL but he always brings swimmer!bin for support 

and it’s chill bc bin is also an athlete–yes it’s exclusive like that

but this time, bin couldn’t go so it’s just eunwoo hanging with his team

and yes, you can guess it, you and him get partnered up to play beer pong together!

that’s so cliche omg

but ah ha you hear your opponent, one of eunwoo’s teammates say to one of your fellow cheerleaders: don’t worry baby, I’ll carry you through this game

and you cringed a little ugh men

eunwoo turns to you like: ah sorry if we lose, it’s all luck with me. The guys usually pick to play me bc I’ll probably lose. I’ll drink the cups for you though if you want me to.

you get a little fired up, like aw why do they pick on him that’s not fair

you: well I’m not horrible at pong, so let’s try to crush em

he played pretty well ok! you both got balls back twice in a row right in the beginning

your team was on a roll

you and eunwoo won three games back to back

you were feeling a bit bloated and hazy from the beer that you and him had to drink, but you were still pretty self aware

and you and eunwoo were just chilling after playing the games, you two were on a pretty good wavelength and you wanted to continue it after joking around in between plays

alright now obviously you don’t go into these parties just strictly looking for a hookup, you go to have fun and let loose

but if the person and situation arises??? you wouldn’t necessarily turn it down, especially if that person was cha eunwoo

and yeah, eunwoo was entertaining the idea too, it’s been a while since he vibed with someone like he has with you

basically by the end of the night, you brought him back to your place–you’d rather eat shit than hook up at the basketball house, it was messy and musty and just nope

your place was closer than his

and ~yuh~

it was pretty damn good

he didn’t stay the night, bc well this was a hookup, so after you both had your fill it was a casual alright see you around!

oh lord the fuss your cheerleading team gave you at the next practice asking how your hookup with eunwoo was

the news spread like wildfire

eunwoo didn’t hook up very often so every time he did, it was like breaking news

which is honestly a bit fucked up, but seriously this is how college is

alright so your sex drive skyrocketed after fucking eunwoo 

you hook up with another guy at one of the following parties

but it didn’t compare to eunwoo rip so you were pretty disappointed

and you were sorta wondering like hm? should you hit him up? but decided against it 

and then! you saw him at the gym working out with literally all of astro

bin probably forced the other 4 to come with him and eunwoo sksksksk

and you were like shit why does he look so good

not gonna lie, just in case he was looking over, you tried to make your ass and tits pop out a bit more, you know squats and shit

unfortunately, it caught the attention of other guys at the gym and not eunwoo grrr

and you were literally just planning to stop being a coward and go up and talk to him, but a guy blocked your path

and he was lowkey being very creepy and way too close for your liking

but you weren’t having it, hell no you ain’t a damsel in distress

being a cheerleader taught you how to defend yourself against predatory men

so you were basically telling him to fuck off and leave you alone, but he was being really damn persistent about it

and just as the guy was about to put a hand on you, eunwoo steps in and he’s like: dude, she’s clearly not interested, fuck off.

after a bit of a stare off, the guy leaves and wow you’re face to face with eunwoo again hehehe

his eyes switch from a glare to a soft worried look and he’s like, hey are you okay?

and you’re like a little giddy, maybe also a little bit turned on bc he’s still like fresh from a workout, his hair was brushed back revealing his forehead, his arm muscles were really defined right now, and just he’s so hot? 

but you smile nonchalantly, you genuinely could have just slapped the shit out of the guy or kicked him right in the baby factory, but eunwoo stepping in was also a pleasant surprise, you weren’t complaining

you: yeah. I could have handled it, but thanks for helping

and he just grins, your confidence?? attractive

the two of you just like look at each other for a couple seconds and you’re yelling at yourself in your head like don’t cop out this is what you were waiting for !!

you: so...you’re here with your friends?

eunwoo: yeah, me and my roommate forced them to come work out with us haha. did you come by yourself?

you: yeah, I usually work out with my teammates, but I decided to come alone today

eunwoo nods and you see him like look at your neck and you immediately get a bit shy bc you knew there was a hickey there from your last (very disappointing) hookup: you’ve been having fun recently?

your face flushes: the last one was embarrassing really, so honest to god no

eunwoo: why was it embarrassing? if...you don’t mind me asking

you immediately facepalm: no, yeah I don’t mind telling you...ugh, eunwoo I was literally catfished. this guy really talked mad game about his dick and then when I agreed to hook up, he asked me to suck him off and it literally only took him less than ten minutes. and after he came, he just pulled up his pants and said “damn you give really good head” like the fuck? he didn’t even offer to return the favor or anything, and when I asked him “wait, are we gonna fuck?” he just said “maybe next time.” maYbE neXt tiMe?? I was played so hard, you have no idea how pissed I was, eunwoo. and now I have to wait for his dumb fucking hickey to heal so that I can literally just repress that hookup even happened.

his jaw literally dropped: he didn’t give you anything?

you shook your head, you were getting pissed again 

eunwoo couldn’t believe his ears, he glances back at astro for a second and then he clears his throat: well...what are you doing after the gym?

you: nothing, just going home and taking a shower. My roommate’s not gonna be home tonight so I’m probably gonna wallow in my sorrows about that hookup again

he laughs: well sounds like you have a fun night planned, but if you want some company?? I’d be more than happy to come over and help you forget about the sad disrespect of that hookup.

who said eunwoo couldn’t flirt ???

and he was thinking about hitting you up again too before but he didn’t wanna seem like a fuckboy or anything

but seeing you defend yourself against the guy?? lowkey was a bit of turn on for him

obviously you agreed hello

eunwoo going up to astro: so uh...imma head out first...I’ll see you guys later. :)

sanha: hyung so scandalous *O*

you and eunwoo fuck again

and after this time, the two of you have a little bit of pillow talk

basically you tell him that fucking him ruined all other guys for you bc he was just that good

and eunwoo usually gets shy from compliments, but his ego with this one??? he felt a bit proud ohohoho

and he’s like: honestly, you’re the only person I’ve fucked in six months, but I gotta agree that our sexual chemistry is pretty good

so where do you two go from there?

friends with benefits baby, full on fuck buddies

you both talk and agree that you two weren’t looking for relationships at the moment, but the sex was good

i’m gonna get into specifics later, but for now a little more plot

obviously, you and eunwoo talk a lot more now that you two were basically fucking each other at least once a week

the guys notice that he’s so much more?? carefree?? less stressed out?? ever since you and him started your little agreement

and they’re already scheming by themselves, like eunwoo would not get into a situation like this unless he trusted you as a person

and at first it was really just, call each other over, have sex, stay for a little bit longer, then leave

neither of you ever stayed the night bc that’s just an unspoken rule

until there was this one party, a group of people were in one of the rooms at the basketball house and they told you to come join them and ~do drugs~

don’t dabble kids, I’m serious

and you were chilling with eunwoo and bin for a bit until they called you over and you were like: wanna try too?

eunwoo and bin didn’t do it obviously, but you were curious so you went and told them you would be back in a bit

eunwoo was worried about you, bin could see it from a mile away

he kept glancing back at the room and one by one people started to come out, but none of them were you

bin nudging eunwoo: go check up on her

eunwoo opens the door to see you being like pinned down on the bed and he turns livid

he pulls the guy off you and punches him right in the face like: what the fuck do you think you’re doing? what did you give her?

you’re noticeably out of it, sobriety? not there

the guy basically laced something in the drug he gave you, omg you were roofied??

bin comes in and he literally has to hold eunwoo back from beating the shit out of the other guy

the two take you back to their apartment and were making sure that you didn’t die or something shit

literally cannot believe the first time you slept over at eunwoo’s place was when you were drugged up

you wake up the next morning, nauseous, body weak, and confused

eunwoo also wakes up because of your movement: hey y/n, are you okay?

you: eunwoo...what...what happened last night??

he sits up and gives you a recount of the party and you just like hug your body tightly when he brings up the drugs and start crying

he’s a bit shocked when he sees your tears, but he just pulls you in for a hug to try and comfort you, obviously that must have been a bit traumatic

eunwoo: hey...it’s okay...I’m just glad I checked up on you before something worse happened

you: I’m such a fucking idiot...I can’t believe I let myself get put in that situation again...no wonder people think I’m a just a dumb whore.

~trauma~

you and him spill your deepest darkest most traumatizing secrets that morning and you just feel more connected to him

you: I honestly never really told anyone...thanks eunwoo, you’re a good friend.

he feels more protective of you after that??

you start hanging around with him and astro more

and the guys really like having you around !!

you’re very easy to get along with, you also joke and tease eunwoo with them, they love you !

you even become really friendly with the other guys’ partners

about half a year into your fuck buddy relationship with eunwoo

everyone: why aren’t you dating y/n yet?

eunwoo: what do you mean?? we’re just friends...with benefits??

before you even know it, you’re spending literally all your time (when you’re not training or practicing or at class) with eunwoo and his friends

you sleep more at eunwoo’s than you do at your own apartment

honestly you two are already acting like a couple

except for the fact that you only kiss each other when you’re fucking, or you don’t hold hands in public, or you don’t say the L word to each other obviously

but the cuddles? the jokes? the hanging out? if you two are seen together there’s still a little form of physical touch––like a hand on the waist, or resting his elbow on your shoulder––something that tells other people that you two are a bit exclusive to each other

and maybe it’s because both of your emotional capacities when it comes to relationships are akin to a pubescent thirteen year old, but you and eunwoo?? don’t really realize that you’re both basically in love with each other

and it’s also the fact that catching feelings in a friends with benefits?? forbidden

but what if both people catch feelings?

you don’t realize you like eunwoo until a year of fucking each other

damn a year?? y’all really suppressed those romantic feelings hard

you and him were hanging out, per usual, but in the piano rooms of the music building

eunwoo had to practice his repertoire for an upcoming performance and you were free so you decided to come along and keep him company

you knew he was a music major and that he played piano, but you never actually heard him play

you were just chilling by the window, scrolling through your phone, and then he just starts playing and your jaw?? literally dropped

it was so intricate and fluid and elegant, you looked over to the keys and his hands just moved so expertly over them

you were put in a trance, it was so beautiful??

and then you look up and his concentration? seriousness? he has honestly never looked more attractive to you than in that moment

and then eunwoo meets your eyes and he smiles a little: is it bad?

you: no, you’re amazing actually...

and your stomach does a triple somersault and your cheeks start heating up, like why is your heart going haywire???

you start spacing out and obviously he notices

eunwoo calls your name and pats the space next to him on the piano bench

eunwoo: what are you thinking of, hm?

you: n-nothing. keep playing, I wanna hear more

and so he does and your heart just won’t chill out, especially now that you’re literally sitting mere centimeters apart from him

he’s still playing and you just can’t stop thinking about how much you want to kiss him–and not in a sexual way

and that honestly scared you, so you panicked and put your hand near his crotch

eunwoo jolts in surprise, but he doesn’t say anything, he just chuckles and continues playing

do you have sex in the piano room to try and distract yourself from whatever you were feeling? yeah

you hide your feelings for a little bit, but the more time you spent with him, the stronger they got, and you honestly didn’t know what to do

so you tried distancing yourself, you gave eunwoo the excuse that cheerleading competitions were coming up–which they were, so it wasn’t a complete lie–and you needed to focus and have time to yourself

it was so weird for you not seeing him and astro all the time, you barely responded to his text messages or calls, and when you saw him around campus, you would immediately try to avoid him, and it hurt but you were ~scared~

eunwoo’s a smart boy, he knew something was off with you

but after a week of trying to contact you, he didn’t wanna seem annoying or a bother, so he tried not to

even though all he wanted was to see you or talk to you, like it was beyond sex at this point

he missed you, he thought he was going to go insane

he didn’t realize his feelings for you until he saw you talking to a guy in the athletic building

he had basketball practice, and you just finished your cheerleading practice

you were talking to this one guy from your philosophy class, basically joking around and talking shit about your professor

and eunwoo saw you smile at something the guy said and he just felt jealous

his fists clenched, he hated seeing you smile and laugh with the guy like how you used to do with him

and it also didn’t help that you and him haven’t really talked in two or three weeks and he just missed you so much :(

he tried not to think about it during his practice, but it didn’t work, he was off his game for this one, even his teammates and coach noticed it

he went back to his place after practice and called over the boys and basically vented his frustrations

jin: eunwoo. you like y/n

eunwoo: I know...fuck what do I do

bin: tell her, obviously

eunwoo: and risk our?? friendship??

myungjun: you’re a fucking idiot if you don’t see that she likes you back

rocky: yeah...I mean why else do you think noona started distancing herself from you?

eunwoo: maybe I’m just feeling like this because we haven’t met up in a while and I saw her talking to that guy and I don’t know? I’m horny?

sanha: hyung...you sound indenial and jealous.

bin: you like her. we’re surprised you didn’t realize this earlier.

anyway, the day of the competition comes, and the guys and their partners decide to pop out and support you

and seeing them actually made you feel so warm, you wave at them brightly and you meet eyes with eunwoo and you smile at him even though the butterflies are back and at full force

the group is so proud watching you and your team compete, their cheers are debatably the loudest and you literally have to stop yourself from laughing in the middle of your routine

your school places first yuh

and after talking with your team and discussing celebration plans, you go to the group

you were having such an adrenaline rush, you immediately run up to eunwoo in a crushing hug and you kiss him

eunwoo doesn’t even hesitate to kiss you back

astro and them: ohohoho hey

you: I’m so happy you all came! I can’t believe we actually won!

you were going to celebrate with your team bc you knew they were throwing a party, but celebrating with eunwoo and astro/their partners seemed way more appealing to you

you all go out to dinner and drink a little bit casually and it’s all such good vibes

you missed hanging around with them all and it just felt so right

eunwoo rested his hand on your thigh the whole time throughout dinner, he missed you alright, and just seeing you so happy with all his friends? he was hooked

when the group parts ways, it’s just you and eunwoo heading back to his place bc bin is spending the night at his partner’s apartment

and honestly the tension is so thick between you two

you barely make it past the door before you’re both latched onto each other, making out and all that steamy stuff

after you have sex, the two of you are having that post-sex cuddle in his bed and your heart is pounding so loud

you: hey...I’m sorry if it was weird that I kissed you earlier at the venue, I don’t really know what came over me, I was just so glad to see you guys

eunwoo: you don’t have to apologize for that y/n...I missed you

you roll around so that your back is to him bc you do not have the strength to look at him in the eyes right now

eunwoo hugs your waist and pulls you in his chest, he’s spooning you and he has no plans on letting you go any time soon

you: uh...eunwoo, I-we-uh maybe we should stop this...thing from going any further

he literally freezes: ...did I do something wrong?

you: no! it’s...I...fuck I don’t know how to say this...I know we’ve been hooking up for a year but just recently I...think I have feelings for you...and it’s not fair for either of us to continue this if we’re not on the same page.

eunwoo: y/n, I–

you’re rambling now, you’re scared of what he has to say: and honestly you’ve become someone I really don’t wanna lose in my life. You’re an amazing person and friend, and I don’t wanna fuck that up by having feelings for you, especially since you probably don’t feel the same. I just...can’t have casual sex with you anymore...I’m sorry, it would break me.

you’re like trying to get up and you tell him that you’re going to go to the party your team’s hosting but he just tightens his grip

eunwoo: don’t go...please

you: eunwoo, I can’t stay here–

eunwoo: you don’t even know what I feel, y/n...why are you so sure that I don’t feel the same way as you?? because I do...honest to god, y/n, I like you so fucking much. the month that you didn’t talk to me was like hell and I don’t ever wanna experience that again. I missed you so much I thought I was going crazy...please don’t go.

you roll around and face him again

you: y-you like me? you’re not just saying that because you want to keep having sex?

eunwoo: I’m not just saying that because of the sex...I promise

you: so...what does that make us now?

eunwoo: well would you do me the honors and be my girlfriend?

god finally you two are dating

you realize that not much really changes after the two of you make it official

the pda does increase though, you actually hold hands and kiss each other in public now

and you two are more cutesy with each other

yes astro pretends to gag whenever they see you act all coupley

petnames!! you call each other baby, sometimes you call him minnie!! as in dongminnie !! im screaming!!

a poster couple, the basketball player and the cheerleader

literally when you’re both wearing your uniforms and you kiss each other, it’s like one of those teen movies

lots of forehead kisses especially right before bed

eunwoo’s a clingy cuddly boy, especially now that you two are together

lots of study dates?? he is a scholar after all

you’re each other’s biggest supporters !! you always go to all of his recitals and basketball games, he always goes to your competitions

he’s very soft okay, will never stop showing you off or telling you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you

the first I love you came shortly in the relationship, and that’s because you’ve known each other a year prior and the feelings were really just building up since then

you were in the piano room again and he was just playing for fun, but you always loved hearing him ~tickle those ivories~

he was playing a song and singing along and you swear you had heart eyes for him, his voice was so soft and gentle and just wow

you’re sitting next to him and you just hug his waist while he’s playing

eunwoo’s smiling so wide and then he’s singing to you 

he doesn’t even get to finish the song, because you’re grabbing his face and kissing him 

he’s laughing in between kisses and you can’t help but laugh with him

grrr he’s so cute!

and then you two are just looking at each other

eunwoo: hm? 

you: I love you, minnie

he doesn’t miss a beat: I love you too, y/n

you and him have a lot of deep talks together, especially right before bed

it’s the time when he can just let out all the frustrations of the day and just be with you

he actually holds a lot of pressure and worries, but knowing that you’re by his side, comforts him a lot

the two of you have so many pictures together it’s so cute

eunwoo’s a bit possessive alright, not in the toxic way, but will he tighten his grip on your waist if a guy seems to be getting a little too friendly with you? yeah

not gonna lie, you get possessive too, it’s hard especially if your boyfriend is cha eunwoo, he’s the fucking perfect package god dammit

you both tell each other that you don’t have to worry about other people bc y’all are just both so whipped for each other

but it’s still cute when either of you are jealous

he’s actually pretty into couple items, but it has to be like minimalistic-style

like matching plain color hoodies or matching pajama sets

will not wear a “he’s mine, she’s mine” shirt or something

but it’s okay bc neither would you sksksk

will he wink at you if he makes a three pointer during his game? yeah.

literally loves when you wear his clothes or fuck, his jersey?? a turn on

and here we go !! I’ve been talking about sex so much but let’s get into it !!

in the beginning, like before you two started dating, when it was just your fuck buddy friendship, it was sexy

and not saying that it’s not sexy now that you two were in a relationship, but before it was just lust

eunwoo’s a freak alright, you can’t convince me otherwise

he’s a little kinky

definitely into food play, you two use whipped cream during foreplay a little too much...

100% into anal

you know how much he loves ass, has a very nice ass himself

and we already been knew, but yes he’s an ass guy

s p a n k i n g

eunwoo seeing you in your cheerleading skirt? immediate turn on

will literally fuck you while you’re wearing your skirt...just your skirt.

alright alright, you have a hand kink...was it awoken by watching eunwoo play piano all the time? yes

does eunwoo use that to his advantage? yes

the amount of times he’s fingered you??? vaginal and anal??? lord have mercy

very much into overstimulation, will keep fingering you until you squirt

and yes im bringing back my the choking kink

literally if his hands make any contact with your neck area, even when he’s just kissing, you will drench

but ugh you and eunwoo making out and you know how he like cups the back of the neck?? i know y’all have seen it from the true beauty kiss scenes, and then it gets heated and his grip just moves to the front and squeezes and when your mouth opens in a gasp, he shoves his tongue down your throat

that’s so sexy

do you like choking on his cock? probably more than you should

does he make you deep throat until tears are literally streaming down your face? most definitely

he loves marking you?? it’s just a tell tale way to show everyone you’re his

he’s a bit feisty...will he manhandle you during sex?? yeah

eunwoo is a dom. I am 100% convinced that he is a dom, you won’t be domming him honey

daddy and babygirl kink...I said it...

okay he’s a bit of an exhibitionist...would probably be down to have sex anywhere as long as you don’t get caught

piano room sex? locker room sex? library sex? movie theater sex? restaurant bathroom sex? yes you’ve done it all

will he finger you while you guys are having a movie night with the guys? yeah

eunwoo’s a tease, he’s a little shit, will tease you until you’re literally in tears begging for him to just do something

favorite position is doggy, it’s the view of the ass for him

although you two both do like experimenting different positions, especially if it has to do with “training your flexibility”

will pull your hair while he’s fucking you from behind, and will plug your asshole with his thumb–don’t knock it until you try it...it’s...a pretty good feeling

sometimes wakes you up by eating you out

very much a giver ugh king

the type to grip your thighs tighter when you try to push him away from overstimulation just to force another orgasm out of you

believe it or not, he’s a gasper/grunter/groaner

nothing is hotter than hearing eunwoo groan right when he’s about to cum oooof grrrr bark bark

okay but soft gentle sex with eunwoo is so passionate

all you feel is the love and sincerity, especially when he’s just looking in your eyes

the love making happens a lot more obviously when you start dating

he’s just so in love with you alright

gives the best and sweetest after care ugh

cleans you up, gives you massages especially if it was a rough session, cuddles you, draws you a bath, brings you water, everything

always makes sure to tell you he loves you after sex

i would risk it all for eunwoo like please ruin my life

anyway

ugh I just wanna put the idea of protective eunwoo during a party in your head

his hand is always on you. waist, thigh, shoulder, anywhere casually

you don’t fight?? but you do argue

arguing is healthy, and you both would rather let it out and bicker with each other in the moment than let it bottle in and build up into something worse

but when you do have a disagreement, no matter how big or small, you two always make sure to never go to bed angry with each other

communication is very important for the both of you

you’re his better half :’) all the things eunwoo struggles with, you help him with it and vice versa

he figured out you were the one for him during one of your deep late night pillow talks

he was worried about what he’d do in the future after graduating, like he was genuinely having a crisis about it

but you just talked so calmly to him: baby, no matter where you end up after graduation or what you end up doing, you’re going to be fine. You’re such a hard worker and I know that you’ll succeed...no matter what, I’ll be here for you minnie. I believe in you, you’re future is going to be great.

and he just kisses you so sweetly: will you be in my future, baby?

you’re smiling and you just giggle at him: if you want me to be...I’d love to be a part of it.

ugh y’all are so whipped for each other !!

astro always teasing you two, even when you’re all older

you and eunwoo are equally ticklish so basically y’all are fucked when they wanna mess with you

both of your families love you and him instantly

they push marriage immediately after you both graduate college

even astro’s like: we know you two are probably gonna tie the knot first...when’s the wedding?

not gonna lie, you and eunwoo probably get married probably 2-3 years after college, pretty young age

sidenote: eunwoo 100% cries at your wedding, especially when he sees you walking down the isle in your dress

and he has huge baby fever so you bet y’all had kids fairly young too

the best dad !! ugh he loves kids !! ugh so domestic

im just gonna say, y’all have beautiful children

trusts bin and jinjin to babysit your kids the most...he’s scared of the rest of the boys watching over his children

anyway eunwoo literally deserves the world and I just?? love him so much?? happy ending yay hehe

_________________________________________

2-21-21

[hannie-dul-set]

THE PUHON PLAYLIST.

— twenty three hearts. twenty three songs. twenty three stories.

SUMMARY | a collection of fics for all members of nct2020! all the fics will be centered around ben&ben songs, but even if you don’t know them, you can still read! the lengths may vary, and this collection is gonna be on shuffle meaning there is no order for the updates HDJFH and there’s also no order for you to read hehe i’ll be providing translations and links to the songs as well ^^

SCHEDULE | there is no schedule. puhon means “in god’s time” so i’ll also be updating and finishing this in god’s time <3

STATUS | ongoing! (3/23)

TAGLIST | send me an ask/dm if you wanna be tagged for all of the fics, or you can specify the ones that you want to be added in (please inform me if you wanna be removed too!)

MOON TAEIL | LEAVES [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | it's the first time you've met someone so carefree— so unapologetically himself. the first meeting, you were annoyed. the second, maybe he wasn't that bad. and the third, fourth, fifth came until you realize that maybe that's what you've been needing all this time. GENRE | office! au, strangers to lovers! au, angst (of course), romance, fluff, humor WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "leaves will soon grow from the bareness of trees // and all will be alright in time // from waves overgrown come the calmest of seas // and all will be alright in time // ohh you never really love someone until you learn to forgive"

SEO JOHNNY | NAKIKINIG KA BA SA AKIN? [coming soon!]

(ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?) SUMMARY | political marriages were unavoidable in royalty. it's always what's the best for the nation and not the best for you. you and johnny knew this when your engagement was announced, but one tries his best making things work out, while the other tries her best to avoid the unavoidable. GENRE | modern royal! au, arranged marriage! au, one sided e2l, romance, angst, fluff WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | “sasalubungin kita sa dulo ng 'yong galit” + “nakikinig ka ba sa akin? // hindi kita gustong awayin // pareho ang ating hangarin // ang kadiliman ay basagin" ("i will meet you at the end of your anger" + "are you listening to me? // i don't wish to fight you // we both dream of the same thing")

LEE TAEYONG | PAALAM [coming soon!]

(GOODBYE) SUMMARY | there are five stages in moving on, but taeyong can’t seem to get past the first stage. that is until his friend johnny introduced him to you— self proclaimed heart doctor and a professional at helping people let go. there are also five stages in falling in love, but you found yourself falling through all five stages quicker than you’d expected, and for someone that you know that you shouldn’t be falling for. GENRE | strangers to lovers! au, a dash of unrequited love but happy ending don’t worry, angst angst angst, romance, fluff WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | “ba't 'di man lang nagpaalam? // oh, 'di lang ikaw 'yung nasaktan // hindi pa ba sapat // nung binigay ko ang lahat?” + “at kahit 'di nagpaalam // 'di bale na kung nasaktan // ika'y naging sapat // kahit tinapon ang lahat // paalam” ("why didn't you even say goodbye? // you're not the only one that got hurt // was it not enough // when i gave you everything?" + "and even if you didn't say goodbye // nevermind that we've been hurt // you were enough // even if we threw everything away // goodbye")

NAKAMOTO YUTA | DOORS [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | yuta was loud, open, and unafraid to relay anything that's on his mind. you were not. quiet, reserved,and preferred to keep things to yourself, even while you two were together. people asked yuta how did the both of you manage to stay together this long— from the last year of high school until now in college, and he'd always answer with a smile that you're kind, understanding, patient, and oh wait— that's all he really knew about you, didn't he? GENRE | college! au, established relationship! au, yuta is a loud dumbass while you’re a quiet dumbass, very heartwarming growth of the relationship jdhfjd, romance, fluff, minimal angst maybe WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "i won't ever know what's on your mind // if you'll always be hidin' behind // words you never mean, just to be kind // will there ever be no more of your secret doors?"

QIAN KUN | MASYADO PANG MAAGA [coming soon!]

(TOO EARLY) SUMMARY | italy— the land of love, as they say. of course, that was only a saying, kun knew well of that. he wasn't expecting to actually fall in love on the cobblestone streets of the country, but things always happen when you least expect it. he didn't expect you to leave as quickly as you came, either. GENRE | pain just pain, tourist! au, strangers to lovers to strangers <//3, romance, angst, fluff WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | “parang kay bilis ng iyong pag-alis // teka lang, teka lang, teka lang muna // sa'n nagkamali? // pwede bang bumawi?” + “na minahal kita higit pa sa sarili ko?” ("why did it take no time // for you to leave // please, please, please wait a while // where did i go wrong? // can i make up for it?" + "that i loved you more than i love myself")

KIM DOYOUNG | MITSA [coming soon!]

(CANDLE WICK) SUMMARY | once a candle wick has died, no matter how much you try to light it up, it will never ignite again. the only thing you can do is light another candle and hope it doesn't die the same way. GENRE | actor! au, fake dating! au (kind of but not quite hehe), angst very angsty, romance, fluff, light ending <33 WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | “'pag wala na naman tayong nararamdaman // ay mabuti pang itigil na'ng kunwa-kunwari lang // 'pag wala na naman din itong pupuntahan // ay mabuti pang sabihin na'ng salamat // salamat” ("if we don't feel anything for each other anymore // it's better to just stop pretending // if this won't go anywhere // it's better to just say thank you, thank you")

TEN LEE | BRANCHES [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | things that are forbidden always taste the sweetest, always bring the most excitement. maybe that's why adam and eve couldn't help but eat the fruit from the garden of eden. and maybe that was also why you couldn't get enough of the boy you met at the masquerade party, and why you couldn't find it in you to let him go. GENRE | romeo and juliet! au, strangers to lovers! au, secret relationship (obviusly djf), romance, angst, suggestive, fluff, they do not die don’t worry WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "was a fire and you were gold // said we'd ignite until we're old + "you and i were meant to be // branches of different trees"

JUNG JAEHYUN | MAKE IT WITH YOU [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | jung jaehyun had always been a part of your life one way or another. from just someone you know as you pass by your high school corridors, to having the same mutual friend in college, and now possibly one of the closest people that you have in your life. he's always been there, and you didn't want him to step out of your life any time soon (and neither did he). GENRE | friends to lovers! au, mutual pining, romance, fluff, a dash of angst, suggestive WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "life can be short or long // love can be right or wrong // and if i chose the one i'd like to help me through // i'd like to make it with you"

DONG SICHENG | HUMMINGBIRD [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | summers at ten's lakehouse were always a mess. the moment he was taken in by the fresh winds of nature, he already started wondering how far south would things go. even more so when he finds that ten had invited a couple more familiar faces this year. one being far too familiar for his liking. or, wherein sicheng swears he's over you, but a humming in his head says otherwise. GENRE | exes to lovers! au (sorta, you’ll understand soon), summer! au, angst angst angst, romance, a couple of bad decisions WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "but one half of my senses // silently wishes // you were still with me" + "hummingbird // beating of your wings still echoes in my mind // hummingbird // somewhere in me singing // wish we could rewind"

KIM JUNGWOO | TALAARAWAN [coming soon!]

(DIARY) SUMMARY | jungwoo wasn't the same shy kid as he was in high school, a dreamer that could only imagine the what if's because taking the dive is terrifying. but now he's different, and he's determined to make the dreams that he wrote on the pages of his diary into reality. thank god that his high school reunion is coming soon. GENRE | some high school! au, the one that got away (oof), friends(ish?) to lovers! au, romance, humor, fluff WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | “bakit hindi ko mahinto // ang pagsara ng 'yong pinto? // pakiusap, sandali lang” + “pakibalik naman, konting minutong nakaraan // 'di magawang pakawalan // talaarawan” ("why can't i stop the closing of your door? // hold on, just a moment" + "can you bring back those small moments in the past? // can't find it in my to let them go // talaarawan")

WONG YUHKEI | FALL [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | the feeling for meeting your soulmate for the first time is once in a lifetime. but with lucas, you get to experience that every single day and you're sure that you could never get enough of it. GENRE | soulmate! au, FLUFF so much fluff, romance, lucas is a cassanova but only for u, humor WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "so why don't we fall in love tonight // 'cause everything else just feels so right // and i just want to hold you tight // so why don't we just fall"

MARK LEE | BIBINGKA

SUMMARY | legend says that if you finish all nine night masses of simbang gabi, your wish will be granted. mark only hopes that it’s actually true because that’s his last and only chance in getting you to notice him (but wait— shouldn’t his wish only come true after the nine days?) GENRE | christmas! au, crush! au, lots of fluff, mark is a piner, mark is also very awkward, some filipino references and customs WARNINGS | swearing, religious themes PROMPTS | “pagdating ng ama namin, ang oras huminto // nang magkahawak ang ating mga kamay // umawit mga ulap at sabay // nagsiawit ang mga anghel sa langit” + “pero mula nu'ng unang ama namin na // ang iyong kamay ay hinawakan // 'di mo na binitawan” (the our father came, and time stopped // when our hands touched // the skies sang and the angels in heaven sang together” + “but ever since the first our father, i held your hand // and you never let go of it”)

XIAO DEJUN | GODSENT [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | an unknown illness has struck earth, eating away at a person’s memories, emotions, and feelings until a hollow husk is left. dejun’s heart falls apart when it got to you, and t’s hard to keep himself together when your memories of him and you start to fall apart. the only hope he can keep holding onto is the light in your eyes. GENRE | established relationship! au, pure angst xiaojun i’m sorry, some romance and fluff into the mix WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "god sent those eyes // to get me through the night" + "when all the memories in my head subside // you'll remain here // you'll remain dear inside"

WONG KUNHANG | LIFETIME [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | due to a mistake that he made centuries ago, hendery is forced to live through lifetimes being intertwined with you— only to see you fall in love with someone other than him in each life. never yours, but he once was. GENRE | fantasy! au?, angst (obviously), maybe romance and fluff if you squint. WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where i was yours? // was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more? // i'd spend a lifetime waiting in vain just to go back to the way we were before"

HUANG RENJUN | ROOTS [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | huang renjun. the very name brings venom to your veins. you loathed him, and he detested you. it was a mutual understanding built up on hate that went on for over ten years of your lives, but no matter how much you wanted to avoid each other, fate would still manage to spiral the both of you together. until the moment that actually happens and somehow it just feels wrong. GENRE | enemies to lovers! au, angst, romance, fluff, a bunch of emotionaly dense motherfuckers WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "lives have grown roots around each other // we both know the truth is we don't really care // to find any room to doubt each other // we're tied by the roots of whatever we shared"

LEE JENO | PAGTINGIN [coming soon!]

(HOW YOU LOOK AT ME) SUMMARY | it is an unspoken, universal rule that you shouldn't catch feelings for one of your brother's best friends. but what were you supposed to do when cupid decides to shoot you down with all of his arrows? leaving you absolutely enamored for the smiley eyed boy that you see way too often for your heart's safety. GENRE | brothers best friend, brother! renjun, years and years of pining oh my gosh, romance, fluff, some angst WARNING | tbd PROMPTS | “dami pang gustong sabihin // ngunit 'wag na lang muna // hintayin na lang ang hanging // tangayin ang salita” + “'pag nilahad ang damdamin // sana 'di magbago ang pagtingin” ("there are a lot of things that i'd like to say // but i'll keep it to myself for now // i'll just wait for the wind to carry all my thoughts aloud" + "if i lay out my feelings for you // i hope you won't change how you look at me")

LEE DONGHYUCK | KATHANG ISIP

SUMMARY | musings of the mind and heart are always dangerous— it's easy to get carried away and get lost in your made up scenarios, rose colored wishes, and fleeting daydreams of what you thought would be. that is until reality hits you like the crashing of an ocean's waves. GENRE | roommates! au, college! au, flirty donghyuck, it’s bittersweet, angst, romance, fluff WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | “bawat kilig na nadarama sa tuwing hawak ang iyong kamay // ito'y maling akala, isang malaking sablay” + “pasensya ka na sa mga kathang isip kong ito // wari'y dala lang ng pagmamahal sa iyo” ("every thrill i felt while i was holding you hand // it was just a wrong assumption" + "i'm sorry for all these delusions of mine // i guess i was just carried away by my love for you")

NA JAEMIN | ARAW-ARAW

(EVERY DAY) SUMMARY | mahiwaga— someone or something that you’ll choose every single day no matter the circumstance. and for you, that was na jaemin. even if time decides to set you apart. GENRE | childhood friends to lovers! au, college! au, romance, slow-ish burn, fluff, humor, tiny angst, biology major jaemin and art major mc HEHE WARNINGS | excessive swearing, insecurities, some sex jokes LMAO, i project a lot in this i’m sorry PROMPTS | “kay tagal ko nang nag-iisa // and'yan ka lang pala // mahiwaga, pipiliin ka sa araw-araw // mahiwaga, ang nadarama sa 'yo'y malinaw” + “payapa sa yakap ng iyong hiwaga” (”been alone for so long // but you were just there all along // mahiwaga, i’ll choose you everyday // mahiwaga, what i feel for you is as clear as day + “at peace in the embrace of your magic”)

LIU YANGYANG | RIDE HOME [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | it’s hellweek and you’re hellbent on finishing all your deadlines this weekend. but yangyang had a different idea, and it took you two rest stops too many to agree that his was the better one. or, wherein the ride home didn’t actually feel like a ride home because you've been with him all this time. GENRE | roadtrip! au, best friends to lovers! au, there is only one bed (the works), fluff, romance, maybe some angst, humor WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "so i'm coming home to you, you // you're all i need, the very air i breathe // you are home" + "when i'm with you home is never too far"

OSAKI SHOTARO | MAYBE THE NIGHT [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | high school dances are always fun unless you get stood up by your date. lucky for you, you weren't the only unlucky soul tonight. GENRE | prom! au, high school! au, fluff, romance WARNINGS | tbd. PROMPTS | "moon has never glowed this color // hearts have never been this close // i have never been more certain // i will love you 'til we're old" + "maybe the night holds a little hope for us, dear"

JUNG SUNGCHAN | SA SUSUNOD NA HABANG-BUHAY [coming soon!]

(IN THE NEXT LIFE) SUMMARY | it's never too early to fall in love. but before falling, you must be a hundred percent sure or else you'd only end up crashing down.  GENRE | breakup! au, angst, but this is gonna end on a light note i swear WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | “hindi ba pangako mo nu'ng una // tiwala'y iingatan? // baka naman, sa susunod na habang-buhay, ha-ay na lang” + “ikaw pa rin ang pipiliin kong mahalin // sa susunod na habang-buhay” ("didn't you promise back then // to cherish our trust? // maybe only in our next life, then" + "i'd still choose to love you in my next life")

ZHONG CHENLE | SUNRISE [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | one summer vacation and you discover all new sides of your childhood best friend, zhong chenle. he’s still as hyperactive, competitive, and a little shit as he was before, but there were a few changes. maybe those changes changed something within you, as well. GENRE | childhood friends to lovers! au, summer vacation! au, fluff, romance, humor WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "pull the windows down, the night was young // so we'd hide under the sheets until the dawn" + "sunrise // i have run this far still i find you // sunrise // show my weary heart that a new day will soon arrive // new day will soon arrive"

PARK JISUNG | WAR [coming soon!]

SUMMARY | a few months before college and jisung feels like his time is running out. he wasn't ready to face the rest of the world yet when he had barely experienced anything at the age of eighteen— and neither were you. the both of you are determined to accomplish everything you've ever wanted to do within the remaining few months before finally parting ways. GENRE | coming of age! au, best friends to lovers! au, romance, very lighthearted, fluff, minimal angst WARNINGS | tbd PROMPTS | "i wanna go // and fight in this fight // i wanna be // be more than just a child" + "i wanna hear // the marching sound of love"

© hannie-dul-set, 2020.

[lilxberry]

Comfort and Moving Forward - Jeff Atkins

Synopsis;

Jeff has to watch his dear friend suffer from Justins’ actions, all whilst hoping that she would notice her worth. And him.

Warnings: Angsty af. Fluffff. Mentions of cheating (past relationship). Language. Cute ass Jeff. Super cheesy, cliché plot line *eye roll*

Words: 2,711

Pairing: Jeff Atkins x reader, Justin Foley x reader (past relationship)

_______________

"So wait, you really said that?"

"Like I said. I. GOOGLED. EVERYTHING. How do you expect me to ignore Google?"

Y/N threw her head back with laughter as Tony and she walked down the hallways of Liberty High, drawing the attention of their peers. Taking deep breaths of air to help calm her down, she shook her head and patted her friend on the shoulder, slowing to look at him. "You're possibly the dumbest person I've ever met!"

"But I'm your favourite!" Jeff exclaimed proudly, a smug look plastered across his face.

"Hmm, I dunno about that..." Y/N trailed off, a feigned look of contemplation crosses her features as she rubs her chin, in false deep thought. "I think I like Jensen better."

Jeff stops dead in his tracks as he grasps at his chest, imitating hurt and heartbreak. "How dare you? I'm extremely offended Y/N/N. I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that."

A smile soon breaks across his face as he slings his arm across her shoulder and chuckles, pulling her close into his side. "You're lucky I love you." He makes kissy faces down towards her, making her face scrunch up in insincere disgust.

Y/N scoffs and playfully rolls her eyes as she jabs her finger gently into his ribs. "Sure am, dumbass."

They proceed to make their way their way out of the school and towards Jeff's car in the parking lot continuing to softly chuckle at the exchange when Y/N perks up, hearing the familiar roaring, boisterous laugh and an airy, girlish giggle carry through the air, making her fall behind Jeff and look around to find the owner.

Jeff noticed the sudden absence of his friend next to him and turns back towards her noticing she's staring of to the side, a mixture of sadness, longing and anger across her features. He takes note of the direction she's looking in and turns his attention to find the source of Y/N's rapid change in mood and behaviour. Once he laid his eyes upon the couple several parking spaces away, laughing loudly together with numerous jocks on either side of them, showing an excessive amount of PDA, Jeff understood immediately and swiftly moved to collect Y/N.

Once reaching his sullen friend, he wrapped his arm around her securely, pulling her along to his car to get in and flee from the scene that was playing out in front of them. Y/N hadn't even realised she was crying until Jeff reached a hand up to her face to wipe away fallen tears soaking the skin of her cheek in salty streams. He smoothed her hair down at the back of her head as he whispered words of comfort to her, in hopes of calming her down.

Finally buckled up within the confined of the vehicle, Y/N releases a long, shaky sign as her eyes screw shut tightly, trying to control her breathing and not break down into sobs.

"Fuck Justin, okay? He's not worth it." Jeff tries to improve his friends glum spirit. "Hey, wanna sleepover? We haven't had one in forever and I really do need to catch up with The Punisher. Plus, I think we both could do with not giving a shit what we eat right now." He throws her a mischievous grin.

She gives him a small smile and nods her head softly, not trusting her voice at that current moment.  

Giving her a one last glance from the edge of his peripheral vision, he turned on the engine and left the schools premises. _______________

With Y/N's parents away for the weekend, the house is empty and quiet, perfect for using the living room for their marathon. After unlocking her front door, Jeff hastily speeds past her and places the bags full of junk food on to the coffee table before sprinting upstairs, readying his arms for the mountain of pillows and blankets he will soon wrestle with to get downstairs.

Y/N watches in slight amusement at her best friend preparing anything and everything needed to comfort her and make her happy. She smiles softly as she kicks her shoes off before lazily making her way up to her bedroom to get changed into her warm and inviting sleepwear, which includes one of the many sweatshirts she's stolen from her frantic friend who's still setting everything up.

She's always adored Jeff, quite frankly was in love with him for the longest time, but as he got his first load of girlfriends in high school, she became disheartened and locked away all hope she could possibly have. She could never believe someone as amazing as Jeff could reciprocate her feelings. plus, she never wanted to endanger her friendship with Jeff, she would break if he was no longer in her life, discouraging her further from admitting her feeling to the baseball player.

When Justin came along one day and asked her out on a date to the movies, she was quite shocked but extremely thankful in a way as she could use the distraction to take her mind away from Jeff. The date went well and soon, multiple others occurred, leading to the two to finally become a couple.

Y/N genuinely fell for the boy and she thought he fell just as hard for her but those thoughts soon diminished once she had witnessed her now ex-boyfriend make out with Jessica Davis, one of the cheerleaders at Liberty, 3 weeks ago. Y/N and Jess weren't best friends of anything but they were civil enough to be considered acquaintances who occasionally hung around the same people.

She had voiced concerns to Justin himself about his friendliness towards the girl but he always dismissed it and said that he loved her and only her. Oh, how right she was to have her doubts.

Justin Foley had well and truly broken the poor girl.

'Was I not good enough?'.....'Am I not pretty enough?'.....'Did I bore him?'.....'What does Jessica have that I don't?'.....'Didn't I show him how much I love him enough?'.....

'Did he ever love me?'.....

She luckily had Jeff who was always there for her. He had shut down every doubt and nasty, self-deprecating thought that damaged her confidence and self-esteem. He would go to the ends of the Earth just to see her happy, even if he was miserable for the rest of his life.

When Y/N and Justin started dating, Jeff was absolutely devastated. He felt heartbroken but it all felt bittersweet when he realised how happy Justin was making his precious Y/N. He wanted time and time again for it to be him to be making her so happy and full of joy, but he never had the gall to state how her felt as he too was scared of ruining what they had.

And with that, he would suffer the consequences of his lack of courage and be subjected to watch his one true soulmate be with him.

"Will you bloody calm down Jeff! I'm getting exhausted just from fucking watching you!"

He exhales a chuckle as he makes his last trip consisting of covers down the stairs. "I just wanna get to eating and cuddling with my favourite." He grinned at her whilst sending her a cheeky wink.

She looked down as she felt her face flush with colour, tinging the tips of her ears and full cheeks pink. "Shut up." She mumbled quietly in reply, the corners of her mouth quirking upwards, forming a small smile to grace her features.

He smiles at her, eyes filled with adoration, absorbing the breath taking sight of his best friend that he was completely and utterly in love with. "I'm gonna go change. I'm pretty sure you left some sweatpants here from last time. I could find them and bring them down for you after I'm done, if you like."

"Yeah, sure." He gave her another small smile and a chaste kiss on the forehead before heading downstairs.

Her blush intensified as he left from the small display of affection. She walked leisurely into her room, quickly finding her sleepwear and stripping of her day clothes. As she changes, she looks over towards her once fully made bed to now see nothing but a mattress, noting the lack of pillows and covers. She releases a breathy giggle, imagining what she ever did right to deserve someone as amazing, kind, caring and special as Jeff.

Y/N's smile started to widen once her thoughts drifted back to Jeff, with his stupid, perfect face. She quickly shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts and finished slipping into her more comfortable clothing.

She dug through her draws, soon finding a pair of darkish grey sweatpants and a navy t-shirt. Collecting them into her arms, she flounces down the stairs to be met with a lounging Jeff surrounded by food, blankets and enough pillows to fill a warehouse. She lets out a snort causing Jeff's attention to be instantly directed towards the girl and a wide yet playful grin to cross his face. "Took you long enough."

"Ha ha." Y/N replies in a sarcastic tone then proceeds to throw the clothing towards the sluggish lounger taking up the couch.

A quiet ‘oof‘ escaped his lips as the clothing hit the intended target that is his face. He removes the clothing from upon his head and his smile falters for a millisecond before turning into a prideful smirk, taking his bottom lip in-between his pearly whites, raking his eyes over her form. "Nice sweatshirt you got there."

"Shut up. It looks better on me anyways." She playfully retorts back at him to distract him from the item of clothing in question and the painfully obvious blush creeping back on to her cheeks.

"That I can agree on." He stands and smugly struts towards the bathroom to go change. As he walks away, he playfully pinches her hip before speaking again. "Why don't you set up the T.V. ready."

Once he's disappeared around the corner and the door to the bathroom can heard closing, Y/N releases a breath she hadn't realised she was holding. Walking towards the couch, fumbling with the ends of the shirt she wears, she sits down and reaches for the remote, readying Netflix and bringing up The Punisher for the marathon to begin.

A mere 2 minutes pass before Jeff returns, clad in his sweats and shirt. He plops himself on top of the couch and impossibly close to Y/N, bringing an arm to rest behind her as he pulls a blanket over with the other. Once fully settled into their mountain of comfort, Jeff finally grabs the T.V. remote and presses play.

"Buckle up baby, it's gonna be a long night."

_______________

Through out each and every episode, Y/N couldn't help but let her mind wander and swim with thoughts, not truly paying attention to whatever Frank Castle is doing on screen.

'Was I really a terrible girlfriend?'...….'Should I be happy it's over?'...….'What's with all of Jeff's playful flirting?'...….'It's totally not flirting, right?'...….'He definitely does not like me like that'...….'Is it too soon to be thinking about Jeff like this?'...….

Y/N was so busy drowning in her own thoughts, she hadn't realised that Jeff has been trying to get her attention for the past few minutes nor that her eyes had glazed over and let slip a few salty tears. What truly broke her out of her revere was the gentle cupping of her cheek in a large, calloused hand wiping said tears with gentle strokes of the thumb.

She looked up through her long, delicate eyelashes and glassy irises to be met with the concerned gaze of Jeff. He had a sad smile on his face as he began to speak. "What's wrong Y/N/N?"

That's all it took for the dam to break and her body was wracked with sobs. Jeff brought her head towards his chest, burying her face into his shirt as he held her tightly, kissing the crown of her hair and cooing softly, telling her it's okay, that he's there and that he isn't leaving.

She bawled up his shirt tightly into her shaky hands, knuckles turning white, as her body trembled next to his. "wh-why wasn't....I-I-I g-good enough...?" Her voice broken, stuttering and hiccupping through her sentence, choking on her gut wrenching sobs and dry lump in her throat.

His heart broke watching the girl he loved look so fragile and in a state of distraught. He feels a knot in his chest tightening, the guilt that feels taking over. 'If only I had told her, she wouldn't have ended up hurt by him'. He takes fault in not having the courage to tell her his feelings before Justin got to her. If he had, she wouldn't have had her heart broken by some asshole who barely treated her right in the first place.

As he beats and berates his self on the inside, he exudes a strong and calming façade, trying to project any form of happiness on to her in the hopes she finds comfort.

"It's him who wasn't good enough. NEVER say you aren't good enough." She squeezes her eyes shut tightly, shaking her head and sniffling. "Th-then why'd he d-do it...?"

"Because he's a fucking asshole who never deserved you. He could never, in a million years, ever treat you how you rightly deserved to be treated. You're absolutely perfect and it kills me when you belittle yourself like that Y/N.

You're so beautiful. I could travel to any and every place on Earth and I could never find anything more beautiful than you. You're smart, kind, caring, compassionate, kinda a dork but there isn't a single thing I would change about you because I have and always will love you for who you are when you're yourself."

By this point, she's looking up at him with wide eyed, cheeks stained with dry tears, lips parted in shock.

He brings his hand up to reattach to her cheek, cupping it gently as he leans forward, resting his forehead against her, noses lightly touching. "I love you, Y/N Y/L/N and I wish you could see just how much."

In a surge of confidence and possibly fear, she closes the gap between them and crashes her lips on to his. She tugs at his shirt to bring him impossibly closer as their lips mould together perfectly. They relish on the feeling of their lips against the other.

All too soon, they reluctantly pull away, the need for oxygen too much. Leaning their foreheads back on to one another's, they heavily pant for breath, staring into each others eyes with what only could be described and love, lust, adoration and awe.

"I love you, Jeff." She whispers breathlessly, afraid that if she spoke any louder, all the air will rush out of her lungs, scared the moment would be over and a harsh reality would crash over her.

"I love you, Y/N." Although, as Jeff whispers just as quietly and just as breathless as her, she smiled at the realisation that this could possibly the beginning of something wonderful.

"I think I may be over him." A chuckle rumbles in Jeff's chest.

"I sure hope so, otherwise this is gonna be really fucking awkward and I didn't even need to Google that to know so." She giggles and projects a beaming smile. "I get that you might still need time but, I'd love if you would be my girlfriend and let me take you out on an actual date?" He smiled sheepishly as he asked.

His sheepish smile soon turned into an over ecstatic grin as she nodded her head furiously at him instantly. She stretched her neck up and kissed his cheek gently then settled back into the couch, snuggling into his side. He smiled down towards her and places a sweet, chaste kiss on her hairline before turning his attention back to the television screen, bringing her closer into his embrace.

Words couldn't truly describe their feelings in the moment but as Y/N and Jeff continued to cuddle, watching The Punisher with cheek splitting grins etched on to their faces, there was a sense of serenity and safety surrounding them. They felt at peace in each others arms.

Happy, content and at peace.

_______________ . . . . . I really hope you like this I mean, it's my third fic so don't expect my ideas or plot to be exceeding your expectations, yanno lmao Any and all constructive criticism is welcomed as always and I really do look forward to hopefully receiving some requests (I may actually know what I'm doing then) If you enjoyed this, please don't forget to press that lil like button as it could really help me out :D

[mrskurono]

u know i don’t think i will ever be over the fwb situation with suna and him accidentally confessing mid-fuck. like just the idea that u just doing ur thing having a good time, but suna’s over here having some love on the brain situation and in a momentary lapse of judgement from how good ur fucking him he blurts out his repressed feelings ✋🏼😩. and you’re just like “what 😀❓” but i bet this mf bolts and ghosts u for a while bc he can’t handle his emotions or rejection oof :// until u get fed up and confront him and tease the confession out of him again 😌 tying his wrists to the headboard and pressing kisses down his body. going so slow and gentle on him that it drives him crazy. because he’s used to quick fucks, used to the meaningless, somewhat rough sex, so the moment you show him some gentle loving he’s flushed and breathless, squirming and begging for more <3

- 🪢 emotions </3 :/

Alright you know what, I gotta bone to pick with you. Bc it was that very ask, that stupid fwb Suna ask that just....god since then I haven’t stopped thinking about Suna’s stupid face ok. Am I in love? No, that’s gross. Emotions are for gross I don’t have those. Have I black out binged saved dozens of screencaps of Suna now on here and on my Pinterest? Yeah ok so maybe I have done that a few times in the past week. Do I stare at his face and wonder if his hair is nice to touch and maybe I wanna kiss the bridge of his nose and tell him he’s a good boy? Fine ok I’ve thought of that exact situation two dozen times. But it’s not like I like Suna or anything.

God ok chalk it up to my period, I’m gonna get way to angsty for a second. 

There’s no kissing, ever, you don’t let him kiss you anytime you hook up bc you’re here for the dick and that’s it. Suna finding it harder and harder to just, not have the strongest urge to kiss you. He genuinely thought he was ok with the no kissing rule too. This was an appointment and that’s it. Until it’s not. It’s not a dick appointment to Suna anymore. He’s waiting, counting the days, marking it down when you two will see each other again. Soon his days are only about waiting to see you and getting excited. 

Then comes the fateful hook up when you’re just getting your rocks off, cute dudes gonna cum, its a good Friday evening. And Suna, fucking in the middle of his orgasm leans into you and smashes his lips against yours. Moaning your name and cracking. The “I love you” absolutely stagnant in the air between the two of you (as is Suna’s cum on your hand probably) 

You’re like, um, ok? Takes a moment to process bc you got sex brain going on. Suna has processed it though and he’s freaked tf out. Queue the ghosting. Suna is overwhelmed, can’t function, he can’t deal with this. You though? Well, that was certainly something. You check in on him bc you’re ready to talk about it like an adult but Suna just won’t respond. Ok fine his loss and you move on. But Suna hasn’t. He even tries to set up another hook up just to not think about you. And this mf can’t even go through with it. He gets to the other chicks place and doesn’t even make it in bc you’re all he thinks about.

That’s when the confrontation happens. Suna comes to you but not like he’s gonna say anything. So you get a little offended bc he’s wasting your time? That’s when it all comes out that he has the worst feelings for you. Consumed by you constantly and that he’s near tears bc he just doesn’t know what to do with them but he knows he feels semi sane when he’s with you. (God I wanna fucking slap him) He owes you though. That was a shit move to pull. Suna can’t apologize enough. He says anything you want. And anything happens. 

You’ve got him tied up. He’s almost relieved to be under you again. Expecting the same exact treatment he’s gotten this entire time. But the second you’re straddling his lap and he expects you to do something like tweak his nipples or leave a hickie or something. You kiss him. Stupid fucking idiot, moans like a whore into the kiss. And it’s just a kiss. He’s never wanted you to kiss him so badly that by the time you’re done he’s breathing hard, lips pink and face flushed with a glazed over look in his eyes. He feels your clothed cunt against his hard on. He feels the familiar ness in your body against his but all he can think about is your lips. And he’s staring up at you.

“...I love you.” 

“I got the feeling. But...it might be mutual.”

asdfghjkl jfc I’m gonna end up writing this. I don’t even like the fwb trope but I’m gonna end up writing this and you’re to blame for whatever the hell this Suna thing is going on 😐 😐 😐 😐

[leejungchans]

— the road ahead.

juliet’s masterlist | 👀 ask juliet anything!!

word count: 1.4k

set in late january, 2018 and before juliet was invited to join ateez’s lineup

summary: after the end of mixnine, ryujin and juliet discuss their future plans.

a/n: oof this is kinda angsty but it ends on a positive note i promise 😭😭 please leave feedback and chat with me :3 💕

“What a wild ride, huh?” Juliet laughs sadly, taking a sip of her soda. The fizzy beverage really isn’t helping. As it travels down her throat, she feels as though it’s freezing every part inside her, filling her with a sense of numbness and deepening the pit of dread in her stomach.

Or maybe it’s just the weather. She loves winter, but something about the biting cold when she’s already in a bad headspace sends her further down that downwards spiral.

Juliet curses herself for her choice of beverage, and again for not finishing it so she wouldn’t still be holding onto it as the two girls walk out the warm restaurant and out into the streets.

“Yeah,” Ryujin agrees quietly. Their dinner was full of exchanged bittersweet smiles and unspoken words, though neither girl dared bring up the elephant in the room until they finished eating. It being the disappointment from losing on MIXNINE. Of course, they both knew they gave it their all, and ultimately there could only be one winner, so there really are no hard feelings towards anyone.

It just never feels good to lose out on such a chance; to be so, so close to reaching your dream only to fail at the last second.

She remembers the staff at KQ congratulating her for making it that far into the competition, and she could tell that they were pleased how she managed to garner so much positive attention for both herself and the company from the show, however unexpected it was. She also remembers how excited the boys were for her when she made it into the girls’ team for the final competition, happy at the prospect of their friend debuting.

Perhaps this is why losing hurts even more, because she didn’t only let herself down, but also the people who believed in her.

It’s been a while since Juliet’s felt this way. The first was when she left SM. While knowing the decision was necessary for her mental health, another part of her blamed herself for being unable to endure it and giving up on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity when so many others would kill to be in her place. The second time being when she was approached by the KQ scout, not knowing whether it was all worth a second chance but also not wanting to go home to her family in Sydney having accomplished nothing.

Why has she not gotten better at dealing with these emotions? Shouldn’t she have developed a thicker skin? Why doesn’t it hurt less?

And to think that she thought she really had a chance after performing so consistently in MIXNINE. Had it all been wishful thinking?

For Juliet, desperation always led to naivety. It seems like this was no exception.

“What are you thinking about?” Ryujin asks gently, pulling her scarf up to cover her face more as a gust of icy wind hits them.

“Just what I should do now... I guess.”

“Did your company discuss any plans with you?”

“No,” Juliet sighs, her breath condensing into a small puff of white fog. “There aren’t any other female trainees yet, so either they’ll start recruiting some to form a girl group for later, or... I don’t know...”

Ryujin hesitates before choosing her next words carefully. “What about your friends? The boys in your company?”

“The company is planning to debut them late this year. I think they’ll also be heading to LA soon to train further. They’ll be great, I just know it.” A small smile tugs at Juliet’s lips at the mention of the boys, because no matter how terrible and lost she feels about her future in the industry, she is unquestionably happy for the boys for being one step closer to their dream.

Still, there’s a pang in her heart from the thought of not being able to see the boys as often now that they weren’t going to train as regular trainees, but as to-be idols. She wonders how she’ll be able to handle training alone once they leave for LA.

It hurts to think about it—being in their practice room without hearing Wooyoung’s signature laugh, or Seonghwa nagging everyone to stay hydrated, or Hongjoong’s pleading voice urging everyone to sober up when things get just a little too chaotic.

And what about eating lunch without sharing laughs over Yunho and Mingi’s jokes and retellings of funny incidents that happened to them? Or not getting to beat Jongho at arm wrestling even though it’s only because he let her win? Will she also start looking at fried chicken differently because she won’t have Yeosang and San to share it with?

So many questions, not enough answers. Juliet’s chest constricts, so she shakes her head to rid herself of those thoughts before she starts breaking down in the middle of the busy Seoul streets. She’ll deal with them later, she supposes. “Enough about me,” she chuckles weakly. “What about you?”

“JYP is debuting me next year with a few other girls,” Ryujin admits after a few beats of silence. “They said I have to start preparing for it next week.”

Juliet grins. “That’s amazing!” Her smile drops immediately when she notices Ryujin’s frown. “But why do you sound so sad about it?”

The shorter girl pouts. “I don’t know... I guess it just feels... wrong bringing that up at this time. It feels like I’m rubbing salt into the wound.”

This time, Juliet lets out a genuine laugh as she clasps her hands over one of Ryujin’s. “Silly, I’m happy for you more than anything! Don’t think like that!”

“I wish you were in JYP, they’d definitely put you in my team, and we could’ve debuted together.”

“That would be fun,” Juliet admits wistfully, “but it’s not the end for me. At least, I hope not.” She doesn’t know if she’s trying to convince Ryujin or herself. Maybe both. “My contract is not up yet, so at least I’ll be in Seoul until the end of this year, and we can keep meeting up until then!”

“You’re planning to leave after that?” Ryujin asks with widened eyes. This is the first time she’s heard Juliet mention leaving Seoul. “Where to? Home in Sydney?”

Juliet shrugs. “Yeah, but nothing’s set in stone yet. For now I’ll just keep training, see if the company has any plans for me in the next few years. If not... I’ll probably go home and continue with my studies.”

The thought of returning to Australia empty-handed makes her stomach twist. How can she look her family in the eye after that when they’ve been nothing but supportive of her dream? The least she could do is repay them with some form of success, but her future seems so murky that it doesn’t seem possible, and she wonders if it’s really that bad going back to Sydney. At least she’d be home.

“They better have plans for you,” Ryujin says fiercely, snapping Juliet out of her daze. “I don’t want to lose you so soon!”

With the help of the warm glow from the street lamps, Juliet catches sight of her friend’s glossy eyes.

“Ryujin... are you crying?” Alarmed, Juliet stops immediately rummage through her bag for tissues, letting out a small aha! when she hears the crinkle of the plastic packaging underneath her fingertips. Ryujin lets her gently dab away the tears trailing down her cheeks.

They may have only known each other for a few months, but they’ve been through so much together that Juliet considers Ryujin one of her closest friends now. “Don’t cry, Jinnie,” she soothes. Both of them don’t comment on how her voice cracked at the end of the sentence. “It’ll be okay, we’ll always be friends even if I go h—oh no, I’m gonna start crying too.”

This makes Ryujin giggle, and she takes the opportunity to take several deep breaths. “It’s just... I’m really happy we got to be friends. I’ve seen so many of my friends come and go because of how this industry is... and it doesn’t hurt any less each time. I think I’ll actually be crushed if I stop hearing from you too...”

“I’ll never stop bothering you, so don’t worry about that,” Juliet says brightly in effort to cheer her up, though she herself is rapidly blinking back hot tears. “I promise I won’t give up so soon.”

“Swear on it.”

Juliet puts up three fingers, albeit a little clumsily due to her thick gloves. “I solemnly swear that I will not give up on debuting.”

Ryujin raises a brow. “And?”

“And I also solemnly swear to never stop being friends with Shin Ryujin.”

She nods approvingly. “Good. Seriously though, your company is blind if they don’t have anything planned for you. You’ll be huge someday, I know it.”

Juliet links their arm together as they continue walking, their conversation restoring a sliver of hope in her.

“We both will. Count on it.”

a/n: ngl writing that part about juliet and the boys made my heart hurt aHa 💔💔 i think this update gives even more insight into ryuliet’s friendship!! being on mixnine was very mentally taxing on juliet, and ever since meeting ryujin they’ve been each other’s rocks throughout the competition ;-; now look at them both being 4th gen it girls ✨🥺

let me know what you think!! 🥺🥺 i really do love interacting with you guys!! thank you for reading and take care 💕

[superbdragoncollection-stuff]

A Visual Reference guide to my thoughts through Agony of a Witch

This is a visual guide of my reactions to Wing it Like Witches, written with notes I took during the episode that were typically stream of consciousness. Well, they said it would be an angsty week. I can take it. Let’s see now…

Oh my.

Well this is different.

This is very different

Oh hey, Lily! How are you, hon? I trust you’re well?

I’m wondering if he’s collecting witches just to absorb their power...

“Gah! What the frell--?! Oh, it’s just you.”

Hm, now she might actually be a legitimate threat. How are they gonna get out of this one? Lily, come on, you’re better than this…

Oof, that title.

...Does he have a head for that hat?

Hm, seems like she’s rolling out a proper military force…

AAAAAAAAA WHAT THE FRELL?!

ARE THEY EMPTY?! I HOPE THEY’RE EMPTY!

“Be vewy vewy quiet, I’m hunting owls…”

Owl season!

Witch season

Lily nearly killed herself again! It’s okay, just walk it off, friend...

“Lily, you magnificent witch, I read your book!”

Where’d she get those field glasses? Oh god, Eda and Patton, there’s so many thoughts in there...

Huh, nice scarf, Eda! As a fellow scarf aficionado, I approve.

“Dude’s getting beaten up in the background--”

This ain’t about him.

*Click

click*

“Mom, I don’t like it when you tempt fate like--”

“Oh dren.”

Huh...that look at her younger self...

I don’t have a quip, this was just funny

Whoa. Mom really burned through her prescription.

“Jeez you’re morbid!”

“I’m fine!”

Eda, friend, pal, you just drank an entire month’s prescription

DON’T MAKE LUZ SAD!

“Parallel arm thing”, I love it

Aww, I thought she was just gonna keep the fabric for herself!

Luz, where’s your girlfriend?

WHAT THE FRELL, HOOTY?! WHAT IS THIS, SILENCE OF THE LAMBS?!

Luz, go find Amity right now. I’m sure she knows the brain bleach spell.

Hah! That bird!

Luz, where’s your girlfriend?

Luz, where’s your girlfriend?

Luz where’s your--?! Is that an owl baby?

...I’m having serious questions about free will right now.

Luz, where’s your girlfriend?

LUZ, THE HEIST IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR GIRLF--

“Emperor built it as a symbol of unity. Before he came to power, people were doing magic all wrong. He taught us that the only way to respect the power the Titan gave us was to join covens.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE YOTZ?! FIRST OF ALL THIS IS LIKE THAT RENDEZVOUS WITH RAMA ISSUE OF PLANETARY, AND SECOND OF ALL, WHAT THE FRELL?! WHITEWASHING, COLONIALISM, NATIVE AMERICAN BOARDING SCHOOLS! RED ALERT, RED ALERT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

Oh, there’s Amity!

Whoo, continuity! And, boo, continuity!

“Shut up.” Well, I can’t see her siding with Lily anytime soon. I like the detail on her cast. That frees her up for the next episode.

“Some”. BOO, DOWN WITH ECONOMIC CLASS!

Hogwarts. Well, we’re in for some chop.

“Peace”? People die every day because they don't have mixed magic!

Oh no. Oh no. Oh dren dren dren! “Savage Ages”?! “Wild magic?!” DISHONORED THE TITAN?! AAAAA THIS IS THE TRIPODS!

"USE MAGIC PROPERLY"?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! THIS IS THE TRIPODS! THEY'VE BEEN CAPPED, THEY'VE ALL BEEN CAPPED! LOOK ON MY WORKS YE MIGHTY AND DESPAIR! I AM OZYMANDIAS, I MET A STRANGER FROM AN ANTIQUE LAND

Oh hey Luz, what're you up to, sweetie?

POWER MUST BE SHARED, THE UNION MAKES US STRONG. HE SHOULDN’T HAVE THIS POWER

WHAT IF THESE WERE COMMON PLACE BEFORE?! IT'S LIKE THE WATCH! AUTOMATIQUE! AUTOMATIQUE! TICK, TICK, TICK

YES LUZ, TAKE BACK THE POWER FOR THE COMMON FOLK! THEY SHALL RUE THE DAY THEY DARED TO

WAIT NO DON’T

Oh hey, Lily, what’s going on?

...Lily did you eat that bird?

Good luck with puberty. Hehehehe-- [spit take] AAAA FORESHADOWING?!

Huh, more Tolkien vibes, the heroes are organic while the baddies have serious steampunk...

Luz, sweetie, please be careful!

What. The frell.

Oh...h-hey Sauron...

I WAS RIGHT HE’S ABSORBING MAGIC HE REALLY IS SAURON

I’M RIGHT WITH YOU, LUZ

[shudder], Frak, it’s like that GTA easter egg...

Who’s that voice…? Ah, a fellow Welshman…

Looks like the heart in Eda’s diagram…

THE FRELL THEY’RE SCREAMING IN AGONY!

Aw, mom’s making stuff

Oh hey, is that Narsil?

OH GOD NO PLEASE NOT AN IMPOSTER SUBPLOT

OOOHHH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUU

Hey, she’s got her girlfriend’s grabby hands

Aww, he just pet it!

Nice, nice, blowtorch

Aww, that poor guard

...how does Gus know the worm? I forgot that was even a thing

“I can feel the magic! It just cured my...whatever it is I didn’t know I had!”

Aww, your best self!

Aww, Willow! It’s like Samwise and being tempted by the ring!

“You cannot hide...I see you...there is no life in the void...only death.”

Oh...hi Saruman.

Also, “pet”? RACIST!

Wait that round artifact...

BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH

Mom’s happy!

I need a King plushie.

WAAAAAHHH SHE WAS GONNA GET LUZ A GIFT

...Then the badness happened!

“Did someone touch my frakking kid?

...Lily.”

“Oh hey Edalyn! I see you accepted my challenge of--”

“Um.”

“What the yotz, Edalyn?! You coulda killed me!”

“AAAAAA”

“So I kidnapped a kid, what’s the big deal?”

Mom is mad…

Lily, that kid is one of exactly two things keeping her from removing your tonsils out through your ears. Don’t mess with her.

“That’s my kid you’ve got, Lily.”

Also, she’s totally right.

“Huh. Maybe she’s actually attached to this kid.”

DANA EDA IS SCARING ME

Wow.

Wow.

Lot of anime influence…

[CRITICAL SPEECH FAILURE: UNABLE TO FABRICATE NEW WORDS]

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

[SPEECH CENTER RESTORED]

I’m speechless.

Oh yeah, BRING THE RAIN EDA!

LILY?! WHAT THE YOTZ ARE YOU--?!

OH...YOU...FRAKKING...COWARD! YOU FRAKKING WINNOWILL IMPERSONATOR! YOU’RE USING A KID AS A HUMAN SHIELD! YOU COWARD, YOU--YOU--

I agree with Eda on the pathetic! Lily, you can’t beat her without a human shield! A child human shield!

Good thinking, Luz!

They looked down on each other. Now that’s interesting familial baggage...

Hey, you were the one who was team captain and boasted about that--

...

YOU...YOU...YOU WHAT?!

LILY YOU DID WHAT?! YOU...OH, I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS!

DON’T KILL HER EDA, THAT’S WRONG, BUT I WON’T MIND IF YOU PUNCH HER TEETH--

TAP-DANCING CHRIST WHAT?! AAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh no.

...

...

...

...

No...

“Once was blind, but now I see...”

YOU MONSTER! GET HER LUZ, GET HER!

OH YOTZ OWLBERT!

SHE’S YOUR SISTER YOU DRENNED MONSTER! I UNDERSTAND YOU WERE KIDS, BUT YOU’RE STILL HOLDING ONTO THAT?! 

"Go back to your world, this one is ours." Well then, we gotta bring Earth here.

WAIT WAS SHE WRITING THE LETTERS--?!

…

…

…

Oh...Invader Zim reference…

OOOHH! YOU POOR KID!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[phantom-curve]

find the strength, find the melody pt. 8

oof I don’t know if I actually like this chapter or not. imposter syndrome has taken up residence in my brain and it’s not looking to move out anytime soon. hopefully this is better than I’m giving myself credit for. 

I’m gonna try and get on a more regular schedule of updating this weekly. I think we’ve got one more part to day three and then a chapter each for days four & five. there might also be another middle of the night chapter, trying to figure out if it fits into the timeline like I want it to or not. you get some sneak peaks of angsty Luke in this part which I’m kind of excited about. can’t be all soft boy all the time. gotta get that ~dimension~

also, I wrote a one-shot of Ray and Rose’s first date that was referenced waaaay back in pt. 6! it’s also the story of Tia Victoria’s 21st birthday that was referenced in pt. 7! I really love it which isn’t something I’ve felt about my writing lately so you should check it out.

taglist: @blue-hat-girl, @lwhoscribbles, @bluefyoto94, @5sosmukefan, @moonlightxnder, @leahthewonder​, @kat-maybe-not​, @lukewearingbeanies, @imastrugglingartist​​

Julie had expected a mess of sloppy, overlapping notes and kinks that would need to be quickly smoothed out by Friday’s performance. She had been ready to go into the Showcase and just give it their best, hoping that maybe they would sound somewhat coherent, but not really expecting much all the same. A band couldn’t be built in a day. It was part of why she thought Luke’s plan was so insane. She couldn’t have been more wrong if she tried.

Within the first three run-throughs of the song things just seemed to click into place. It was like she had been playing with them her entire life. The longer they played, the more they slipped naturally into their role as bandmates. The energy in the room, the chemistry between the four of them, was palpable. She knew they could feel it too.

It was the way Reggie turned to her at the exact moment she moved towards him, playing off of her as she gave into her need to move to the bassline vibrating through her feet. It was how Alex’s face lit up with a kind of unrestrained joy she had never seen before, face shining as he nodded his head in time with his tapping foot when she turned towards him. They laughed together as she flipped her hair out of her eyes at the exact same time he did, completely in sync as they moved to the rhythm created by his fast-moving sticks. It was every single part of Luke.

His head, tilting to the side to call her to him just as she began to drift closer to his side. His voice, blending with hers like they had been made to sing together. His eyes, drilling into hers as she held her microphone out for them to share. His fingers, so sure on the strings beneath them that he didn’t once break their stare down. The tension she had felt simmering between them for the last few days exploded. They felt it at the exact same moment as their most seamless playthrough of the song came to a close.

Julie’s voice rang out beyond the instruments as she held her final note a beat longer than everyone else. She could hear the sound of Reggie and Alex’s voices rising with enthusiasm as they talked, but she couldn’t make out their words. Everything felt a little soft on the edges as Luke gazed at her with so much awe she thought she would float off the ground. He made her feel transcendent. Like the celestial being he claimed her to be. It was hard to feel like she wasn’t in Heaven when he looked at her like that. Her breath caught in her throat. He opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly she was being jostled from behind, her moment with Luke broken. Her feet stumbled as leather-clad arms wrapped around her tightly, sweeping her into a clumsy spin.

“Julie! That was amazing!”

Reggie’s voice was sparkling, and she couldn’t help but laugh softly, giving into the all-consuming feeling of happiness that was bubbling up inside of her. They came to a stop as a longer pair of arms covered in soft pink cotton pulled them close. Julie met Alex’s eyes, giving him a grateful smile as the studio finally came back into focus. He beamed back at her, completely relaxed and damn near glowing.

“I gotta agree with Reg for once.”

Julie giggled as Reggie let out an indignant shout, lips slipping into a pout. Alex ignored him, releasing his hold on both of them, but still talking to Julie.

“Seriously, Julie, I totally see what Luke has been saying. He was right, you’re perfect.”

Julie felt hot all the way from the top of her head down to the tips of her toes. She gave Luke a side-eyed glance, heart tripping as she caught the quick expression of embarrassed betrayal on his face. So, he had actually used the word ‘perfect’ to describe her. He had talked about her to his boys, and not just as a musician. This wasn’t only about the music. She knew that, or she should have known that by now, but to be faced with it so plainly was something else entirely. Luke attempted to slip into a casual slouch, but his hand scratching at the back of his neck gave away the nerves he was feeling as his gaze slipped back over to hers. Julie gulped, breathing out slowly.

“What can I say? You definitely make us better.”

Another attempt at a nonchalant shrug that was foiled by his still-scratching hand and slight vocal crack. Julie’s heart raced, her stomach flipping low in her gut. So, this is what a real crush feels like. Julie had crushed on boys before, or so she had thought. Never before had she felt like this. She hadn’t actually known the other boys she had been attracted to. Not in the way she was beginning to realize she knew Luke. She had kept herself at a distance from them, building up a fantasy in her mind as to what type of person they were and what it would be like to see that fantasy come to life. Her crushes had always been somewhat superficial and definitely unobtainable. Luke was neither one of those things. He was right here. She knew him. Connected with him on a level deeper than should be possible after only three days, but it was undeniable all the same. Her soul whispered that she had always known him, she had simply been waiting for him to return to his true home within her heart all this time.

Luke was shifting uneasily on his feet, just like earlier in the day when he realized he had taken his bold declarations a step too far. Only this time, Julie realized she liked when he did that. The way he built her up without even trying, an endless supply of support and admiration falling from his lips so easily. Julie simultaneously wanted to reassure him and also continue needling him because the way his words made her feel was a high like no other. His eyes crinkled at the edges, smile softening just for her. She gave in to the temptation to touch him, reaching up to lightly grasp his wrist. The scratching finally stopped, and Julie gave a special soft smile of her own.

“I think we make each other better. That’s a great song, Luke. Thank you for doing this for me.”

Julie released her grip and lowered her hand, biting her lip slightly. She didn’t miss the way that Luke’s ears tinged pink, his arm hovering in the air for a second as he processed her words. Their eyes locked, a million fleeting emotions passing between them in seconds, their own form of silent communication. With Luke, Julie was learning that there was a lot more in the things left unsaid than the things that he let slip out. Her words meant more to him than he would ever be able to express and she wondered if that related back to something with Bobby or something with his parents. Maybe even both. The moment stretched on, the rest of the studio melting away in the background. Until Reggie’s whisper broke through.

“I see chemistry.”

The twin slaps of Alex’s hand on his forehead and Luke’s hand falling to his thigh echoed in the otherwise silent space. Julie felt her cheeks burn, breaking away from Luke’s gaze to face the other boys once again. She really had to stop letting herself get swept up in him. Especially when they had such an observant audience. Her eyes darted to the clock behind them, surprised to find several hours had already passed. Her dad would probably be calling her up for dinner soon. Right on cue, the studio doors rattled and opened. Carlos, framed by the setting sun behind him, studied the group of teenagers.

“So, this is your boy band?”

“Boy band! Who you callin ‘boy band’?!”

Luke’s indignant shout would have been funny if Julie wasn’t hyperaware of how close she was still standing to him. Carlos’s skeptical brown eyes darted back and forth between them like he could tell he had missed out on a golden opportunity to embarrass her. He smirked slightly, crossing his arms as he regarded Luke.

“I mean, you’re boys in a band. Ergo, boy band.” His hands lifted in a falsely innocent shrug. “I don’t make the rules.”

Reggie giggled as Luke’s jaw dropped slightly, stunned into silence by her brother’s sass. Even Alex was fighting back a grin. Reggie stepped closer to Carlos, whipping out his hand for a high-five.

“Up top, little dude!”

Carlos’s smirk melted into a genuine smile as he lifted onto his toes to smack Reggie’s hand. Julie rolled her eyes, nudging Luke a bit while the others were distracted. He turned to her with a small pout.

“Kids usually think I’m cool.”

“No, kids usually think you’re another kid.” Alex chimed in gleefully.

Luke’s pout deepened and Julie couldn’t resist knocking their fingers together for a quick brush of contact.

“I think you’re cool.”

The whisper was low, but she could tell he heard it by the way he snatched her hand into his, squeezing it for a brief moment as he gave her that burning look again. The interaction was over in a second, but Julie felt the lingering fire race across her skin. She wished she could have a minute or ten alone with him. She turned back to Carlos in the doorway before he could notice. That kid didn’t need any more ammunition against her, thank you very much.

“Did you need something, Carlos? Or are you just here to be a pest?”

He broke off his conversation with Reggie to stick his tongue out at her. She repeated the gesture back to him.

“I need a lot of things actually. Like a normal sister for one.”

He snickered at the way her nostrils flared, fully aware that she wanted to reach out and cuff the back of his head but wouldn’t do it in front of other people. She settled for gritting her teeth and reminding herself that as annoying as Carlos was, he was also her little brother and she loved him. She just didn’t always appreciate his astonishing lack of a filter around older boys that he thought were cool. Luke had read him all wrong of course. Carlos only teased people he was in awe of. That reminder calmed her as well. He was teasing out of love, and because he was nervous around these teenagers that he clearly wanted to like him. She could give him a pass. She could also tease him right back.

“I know where you sleep, twerp. Relay your message or scram.”

He rolled his eyes at her lame threat, but dropped the bratty attitude nonetheless.

“Dad says it’s time to eat. He said the guys can stay if they’re hungry.”

Carlos couldn’t fully hide the hope in his voice, though he tried to sound indifferent about it. Julie watched the boys share a quick look, an entire conversation taking place in mere seconds. Alex’s arm went around Reggie, who sagged a bit like he was disappointed. Luke’s hand went back to his neck, body slumping as if to shrink himself. Alex’s fingers tapped out a restless beat against his thigh. None of them moved to speak. Julie couldn’t stand the uncomfortable way the air grew thick between them.

“I’m sure the guys have plans already, bud. This was kind of a last-minute thing. Maybe tomorrow?”

She aimed the question at the boys instead of Carlos. They seemed to melt all at once. Another silent conversation communicated through glances. Reggie took the lead this time.

“That sounds great! As long as you’re sure your dad won’t mind. We don’t wanna be a burden.”

Julie shook her head, heart aching at the way Reggie said ‘burden’ like it was a title he was used to.

“No burden at all. Dad always makes too much spaghetti anyway. And my Tía usually brings food a few times a week so we literally always have leftovers. You guys would be helping us out by eating them up, honestly.”

Reggie smiled at her, and Julie was surprised to find that she wanted to cry. Not because she was happy or sad or any particular emotion really, but because Reggie made her feel the same way Carlos did when it was the middle of the night and she was waking up to the feeling of his cold feet against her calves and his whispered confession about not wanting to be alone right then. She felt protective. Ready to fight whatever or whoever it was out there that had made him believe he was too much simply by existing. Was this what her mom had talked about when she said the best bands were actually families? Julie had always taken that to mean her family, as in her mom and her. Maybe what she had been saying all along was that the magic of music could make a family. The right connections, the right mix of artists, and it wasn’t just about playing anymore. It was about creating something together, breathing life into their art as one entity. Caring for each other, lifting each other up, bandaging each other’s wounds.

The enormity of the realization that all it took was one afternoon for her to adopt these three idiots hit her like a ton of bricks. She didn’t even know them, and yet, she did. Their souls were forever intertwined. Whatever feeling had overtaken them during their practice would linger for the rest of eternity, burned into her heart like a brand. The magic of music.

“Thanks, Julie.”

Alex’s voice was soft, fingers calm once more. Julie nodded, not trusting herself to speak right then.

“Cool!”

Carlos whooped, breaking the moment once again. This time, Julie didn’t mind so much.

“I’ll go tell Dad. See you guys later!”

He was off like a rocket, propelled forward by his unshakeable enthusiasm. The arm that Alex still had around Reggie flexed for a moment before dropping. Reggie gave him a quick smile, lifting his bass over his head. Luke swung his guitar onto his back, shoving his hands in his pockets and rocking back on his heels. Julie could tell something was bothering him. Alex seemed to feel it too.

“Hey, Reg, can you go unlock the van? I’m gonna start carrying my kit up.”

Alex tossed the keys to Reggie, who somehow managed to catch them singlehandedly while still holding his bass. His eyebrows furrowed for a second, but then he looked over at Luke and understanding dawned. He raced out of the studio without a word, Alex close behind him cradling his bass drum in his arms. Julie turned to Luke once they were alone, only to be met with his back as he fiddled with his guitar in its case. His shoulders were raised high, muscles bunched tightly under his shirt. She took a few steps forward, resting her hand lightly on his back once she was next to him. He relaxed slightly and she sighed in relief. Her fingers took on a mind of their own, softly rubbing until he let his shoulders fall.

“Please don’t feel obligated to stay for dinner tomorrow if you don’t want to.”

Luke spun around so quickly Julie didn’t have time to step back. He grabbed her elbows, steadying her but not moving out of her space. His expression was torn, eyes intense. Julie felt her throat tighten.

“No, Julie, it’s not that. I just...families are hard. For me. For...us.”

His eyes flew to the still open doors and back. She didn’t have to ask who the us was.

“Your dad seems really great. Your brother too. I just...it’s silly, but I don’t wanna let you or your family down.”

He bit his lip, gaze slipping down to the floor. They stood toe-to-toe, the tips of their sneakers almost touching. Julie breathed in deeply, the faint smell of her shampoo tickling her nose. It had to be coming off of Luke. Her own hair had been tied back into a bun at the beginning of band practice. It was an intimate reminder of the night before. When he hadn’t been home in the middle of the night because sometimes it was better to be elsewhere, even if elsewhere just meant not there. She couldn’t relate to that feeling. Her home had never felt like anything other than a welcoming, safe space. Her family had never been anything other than loving and supportive, even in the rare moments when they fought with each other.

“Luke, I’m pretty sure my dad thinks that you’re an angel. He was so happy this afternoon he didn’t even bring up the meeting with Lessa. You’re the reason I’m playing music again and that’s as good as gold in his eyes.”

“No way, Molina.” Luke scoffed, hands raising from her elbows to her shoulders. “That’s all on you. I didn’t do anything except ambush you for my own personal gain.”

Julie was shaking her head before he even finished his sentence. He was trying to play everything off with that cocky, cool kid attitude, but she knew him better now. That bravado was all a defense mechanism. One of her own hands lifted, brushing his hair out of his eyes, fingers lingering along his jawline.

“You’re wrong, Patterson.”

She didn’t miss the way he jerked a bit when she used his last name, his pupils widening slightly. A small smile formed on her lips. Two could play at that game.

“You rescued my mom’s song and protected it all this time. You brought it back to me right when I needed it. Did you know that was the last song she ever worked on? The last song we ever worked on. That song is the last piece of my mom. I don’t think I would have ever been able to play again without it, and I didn’t even realize that until yougave it back to me.”

She edged forward until their shoes touched. It wasn’t that much closer, but Julie could feel every inch of space lost between them. Luke’s eyes were doing that soft, starry thing again, and Julie thought her own eyes might look the same. He let his hands fall from her shoulders until they were resting lightly against her waist. Her own hands snuck around his neck, fingertips brushing against his soft, jasmine scented hair. Luke swayed their bodies slightly, his need for constant motion of some kind getting the best of him. It made her want to laugh, but this moment felt too big for that. Of all the ways her relationship with Luke had rapidly shifted in the last few days, this felt like the most serious. She wasn’t trying to fight him anymore. She was laying her cards out just as openly as he had.

“Julie...”

She couldn’t stop herself from leaning into him further, his voice twisting her name into the sweetest sounding melody. Luke didn’t get a chance to say or do anything else before noise filtered in through the still open studio doors. Alex’s voice, louder than Julie had ever heard it before, as he chatted with Reggie. Luke’s shoulders curved slightly, like he was disappointed, before he straightened and put some more space between them. They dropped their hands at the same time, the loss of contact causing her to shiver. Luke shot her a quick smile, so Julie knew his actions were less about hiding her and more about not wanting to share their delicate relationship with anyone else just yet. That was okay with her, too. It felt a little too new, a little too fragile, to let anyone else in on it just yet.

Alex and Reggie appeared only seconds later, Alex looking a little wary like he wasn’t sure his loud approach had been enough warning, Reggie’s expression open and happy, clearly oblivious to the thick tension between Luke and Julie. He was babbling to Alex about something involving physics homework, both of them moving to collect several other pieces of Alex’s kit. Luke gave her one last glance before he left her side to lift an amp. Julie was silent for a moment as she watched them before a realization had her smacking her forehead. The sound was loud enough to startle the boys, who turned to her with matching confused expressions on their faces.

“You guys are going to be right back over here tomorrow. You don’t need to take all your stuff out just to haul it back in here in like 24 hours. I should have said something earlier.”

Another silent conversation, the boys wary and anxious again. Julie wished she had a better understanding of the landmines she seemed to keep stumbling upon. Luke had given her a small hint, but the rejection anxiety ran deep in every single one of these boys. Reggie spoke up before Julie had the chance to reassure them.

“Are you sure your dad won’t mind?”

He was fiddling nervously with the strap on his bass, eyes wide. Alex’s grip flexed on the snare he held, Luke stepping closer to his guitar case. She heard the underlying question behind Reggie’s tone. Are you sure these parts of our souls will be safe here?

“He won’t mind at all. He hasn’t touched a thing in here since we locked it up after Mom...since we locked it up a year ago.”

She tried to keep her voice soft, her steps slow as she moved to place her hands against the top of the grand piano.

“My mom’s piano has been stored in here my entire life. I promise you the Molina’s know the importance of protecting our instruments. It’s up to you though. I totally get it if you want to keep them with you.”

Julie didn’t wait for their response, letting them process and decide for themselves how they felt about the situation. She bent to lift the sheet that usually covered the piano, shaking it a few times before closing the fallboard and draping the soft material over the instrument.  By the time she turned around, only Luke was left behind her. She raised a brow, concerned she had said the wrong thing. His lips stretched into one of the smiles reserved just for her.

“They went back to the van to get Alex’s bass drum.”

Her eyes darted off to the side behind him, noticing that the snare Alex had been holding was back in place, Reggie’s bass once more nestled into a guitar holder. She felt her frown soften into a smile, relieved that they seemed to trust her despite not really having much of a reason to.

“Thank you...for, ya know, being so cool about all of this.”

Luke’s voice was quiet, hands fidgeting like he was fighting the urge to raise them to the back of his neck.

“Luke, I should be the one thanking you. Seriously, you guys don’t have to do this for me, and you are anyway. Actually, you very well could get into trouble for doing this, and yet you’re still willing to take that risk. The least I can do is house your instruments for a few days.”

Julie didn’t mean to, but something in her voice had his head snapping up at the way she said her last sentence. Like he could tell that she was trying to say it wasn’t just the instruments she was willing to care for. It was the boys too. It was Luke. They didn’t say anything more, letting the sentiment hang in the air between them. Luke’s eyes were impossibly soft. If Julie hadn’t already plunged over the cliff ledge falling for him, this moment would have toppled her.

Reggie and Alex stumbled back in, both of them laughing but unable to fully articulate why. Something about an old Vine video and bible study. Alex reset his bass drum, Julie scrounging up another sheet from the linen closet in the bathroom to cover it for the night. And if she took an extra second to run her fingers over the towel now hanging on the hook next to the shower, the faint scent of jasmine and citrus body wash and Luke drifting off of it at the movement, well no one else had to know about that.

[5-falsehoods-phonated]

Sorry for bothering you, but I couldn't help but wonder, what do you think of Janus' playlist? After several days of analysing it, I'm so overwhelmed with all the emotions towards the snake boy! The character potential, possible development, ideas for fics are just bashing me on the head and heart! I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Lots of love and have a good day! P.S. Expect some requests for songfics for sure!

It's not a bother, thank you for asking! Oh I have many feelings, as I usually do for all the playlists but this one...man. Hope you like long answers XD

First just the overall impression is great. I love the sort of contradicting roaring 1920s nihilistic aesthetic. Makes me think of a tired anti-hero, their cape swirling behind them as they turn away from the chaos, knowing they'll have a mess to clean up later but for right now they would very much enjoy a glass of wine. Its smooth. Its jazzy. It's dark. Its nostalgic in a different way from Patton, where instead of tugging softly at your heartstrings it settles a weight on your shoulders. Not in a bad way, just like someone added an extra five pounds of awareness to what you were already carrying, if that makes sense?

He boils down to an emo with class for me and I love it.

I'm not gonna go song by song but heres a few thoughts.

I absolutely love Black Hole Sun being on it as a vintage cover. Soundgarden is such a good band and this song in particular is one of my favorites, right up there with Tighter and Tighter and Spoonman. It's a dark song that has contrasting themes and means different things to different people, which is perfect for Janus' outlook on life and Thomas. And of course the reference to the snake fits right in.

It Seemed The Better Way is one of my favorites on the list. The style of the song and Leonard Cohen's voice reminds of Mark Lanegan's style and is so soothing.

Talking at the same time just made me think of all the Sides talking through a dilemma but really just arguing and talking over one another, contradicting each other and themselves in the process. It makes me want to bang all their heads together and yell "COMMUNICATION BITCH" which I really hope season 3 addresses the important of good and healthy communication and it takes the last side to do it but I digress. It's a song that points out unfairness and frustrating contradictions and I love that the angsty snake likes this song.

Scarlett Johansens Trust On Me is one I'm posting a fanart of soon, it put such a clear image in my head of Janus smoothly talking to Thomas about listening to him and taking care of himself while below surface level hes desperately trying to hold this vision together of everything being fine while the world crumbles. It's just Tbomas walking along with his sides as they smile as the sunshine while Janus is stumbling behind with an old umbrella, batting away dead branches with his staff while everyone else is oblivious.

Mandy Goes To Med School. Janus canonically listens to the Dredston Dolls and no one else I've ever met listens to them or knows who they are and it fills me with unreasonable happiness that someone on the team got this song on the playlist. Many have interpreted this song as back alley abortions and illegal sex changes, both elective surgeries that have consequences if done improperly. I honestly think the bare bones of this song apply to Janus. Percieved "selfishness over selflessness" and the consequences being up in the air for both. A sort of damned if you do, damned if you dont situation, which definitely paints Janus, at least for me, as a world weary tired ex-optimist who's experiences have shaped his perception of the world in a way that can be hard for others to understand. I think this song fits him to a T.

Evil Night Together makes me think of him, Remus and Virgil just having a ball of a night causing chaos together and laughing all the way through. It fills me with a lot of happiness thinking of the idiocy those three got up to when they were on better terms with each other.

Dont Tell Mama...makes me way too excited fr the last dark side. I get this strong feeling from the song the Janus very much works in the shadows, to the point where hes even a bit secluded from the other 'dark sides' to an extent. Maybe the last one is someone who really tries to run the show and wouldnt be pleased with what Janus is trying to do. Not saying Mystery Orange is evil, none of them are.

I feel like You're A Cad is a comment on him and Virgils relationship. The way that they are now, secretive and closed off, a friendship cant really work between them but they keep coming back no matter how many times they broke eachothers trust. I don't think Janus and Virgil hate each other, I just think they need to communicate better like everyone else does but they kept trying without knowing how and hurting each other in the process.

As Far As I Can See feels like a self deprecating view point that all the "dark sides" have and it makes me want to hug not only him but Remus, Virgil and even Orange until they feel even a little bit better. In this house we love and appreciate our good bad boys.

Change. Okay first: the first line of this song is "theres something in the wind" and in Sally's Song on Virgils playlist the first line is "I sense theres something in the wind." Coincidence maybe and probably but I'm holding out for Remus' for the third. 'Lately, I've been thinkin' it's just someone else's job to care Who am I to sympathize when no one gave a damn?' is such an OOF I just cant. I strongly feel like this is Janus rethinking what his purpose could possibly be if no one is willing to listen. Could apply to Logan too but he has Erase Me already so.....

Come Little Children by Erutan. That's it, Janus also canonically also listens to the Willow Maid and cries the first time he heard no you cant change my mind. He also watches Hocus Pocus every year and loves it. Remus joins him. Virgil did when they were on better terms. You also cant change my mind on this. I think this song is just commenting on how Janus hides the truth for Thomas so he can see the world from a better perspective than what it actually is. Self preservation and lying to ourselves and all that.

Into The Unknown from Over the Garden Wall I think is telling us everything is changing and revealing itself the farther we go with Thomas' dilemmas. They're all stemming from somewhere so where will we end up? Who can say, but in the meantime aren't the lies we're telling ourselves pretty? Janus is observing everything falling apart and hoping he isn't lying when he tells himself everything will work itself out. Only time will tell. It's a sad, longing note to end the playlist on, but it's very fitting.

Overall this playlist cements the fact the the Angst Train really just said "Choo choo mothfucker" and steamrolled on regardless of the fact that were stuck on the tracks. And I love it.

Janus is a sad, angsty boy tired of everyone's bullshit and honestly just wants everyone to get along so he can finally sit back and play his game cube without his gloves on in the common room of the mindscape without being hissed or glared at, and is that really too much to ask? Also, he's crying in the art on spotify, with such a resigned look on his face and I just...my heart.

Sorry this is so long, like I said I have a lot of feelings. Add your own thoughts if you like, you and anyone else who wants to. This is my interpretation of only some of the songs so of course there are more and different things worth mentioning. This is a judgement free blog where all opinions are welcome.