#but I found a Reddit post from like 9 years ago that pretty much described to a t what I have

[mrd-gvf]

Sure googling symptoms can be bad and it can definitely cause anxiety but sometimes you find a name for a condition you never knew you had and it makes you feel much better about it. Also knowing the condition is not life threatening lifts a huge weight off my shoulders

[punderfulowl]

Top 10 Anime (That I've Seen) in 2020

Well now, it has certainly been awhile. I'm currently sitting at eight months too late for posting this, but, y'know, something something life happens. More accurately, I already made this list, but wanted to try out what response I'd get from Reddit. Turns out, they're not as cool as you guys!

Anyways, as the title states, this is not a list of my favorite anime that came out during 2020, but instead my favorite anime that I just so happen to see during that year. While it's fun to have an end of the year retrospective, I find that having a list in this format not only adds variety, but also helps bring attention to anime that might have been lost in the shuffle in previous years (I also don't have enough time to stay caught up in seasonal releases).

Honorable mentions:

Aggretsuko S3, My Hero Academia S4, Today's Menu For the Emiya Family, Interspecies Reviewers (yes, really), and I Couldn't Become a Hero So I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job

10. Maid-Sama (2010)

In hindsight, I find it a bit funny that I wanted to watch something wholesome to kick off 2020. Anyway, Maid-Sama is about a high school girl that is also a no nonsense Class President and she kind of has to be at a school where, until recently, was an all boys school. While she kills it in academics and is good at shutting down any shenanigans from the male student body, her financial situation isn't the greatest and has to balance a job at a maid cafe along with her school-related responsibilities. She does her best to hide her employment there to keep up appearances, but is one day found out by one of the boys who happens to be a big flirt and, yeah, hijinks ensue. While this anime doesn't have too many surprises, our main leads bounce off each other well enough to keep me entertained. Nothing I haven't seen already in other anime Rom-Coms, but I think it has more than earned its place at the start of this list.

9. Haganai NEXT (2013)

It's a personal rule of mine when making these lists that I don't include sequels of shows that were in previous lists. While I DID see the first season of Haganai a couple of years ago, it didn't quite make it into the top ten at that time. Because of that, it meets the criteria for this year's list. While I found the characters were just as charming here as I did during the first season, the development of their relationships really took off. It's a shame that it will most likely not get a third season, but I'm happy with what ride this show gave me. But hey! At least I can read the light novels/manga to continue the story! Wait, nevermind, the Haganai fans on Reddit are saying that's a bad idea.

8. Engaged to the Unidentified (2014)

Based off of a Four Panel joke manga, Engaged to the Unidentified tells the story of a girl in high school suddenly getting some life changing news. As it turns out, her grandfather made an arranged engagement with her and the son of a family he knew. Next thing she knows, the boy in question, as well as his little sister, moves into her family's house! While the boy is unassuming at first, there may be more to him and his family than he lets on. Plain and simple, this anime has charmed me. There's a decent amount of drama and mystery despite the source material and I applaud it! Even though this also doesn't have much new to offer, even to the point where I would compare this to Maid-Sama, what made me pick this at the 8th spot were the color choices and animation quality. Give this a shot if you can!

7. Grimoire of Zero (2017)

It's a fantasy/adventure story starring a loli sorcerer and a huge, anthropomorphic white tiger man. I honestly can't say anything else. I won't be able to do it justice. That first sentence should intrigue you a lease a little bit. Read it, again. Please check it out. It's an underrated gem that no one is talking about.

6. ID: Invaded (2020)

Hey, here's something recent! Unfortunately, this is also not something I can say much about. There may not be too many deep characters and the secret bad guy isn't hard to figure out, but BOY is this anime cool! The best way to describe this series is that it's like the movie Inception, but instead of brain heists, it's brain murder mysteries.

5. Carole and Tuesday (2019)

A runaway rich girl has a fated meeting with an orphan and they decide to make music together...oh, this also takes place Mars. Joking aside, this show was something special with its music (a new song almost every episode no less), interesting setting (freaking Mars, dude), and endearing main cast. Shoot, the music itself would be top 3, maybe number 1, but what bogs it down is the show's second half. I can easily see myself watching this again someday, and maybe my opinion will lighten up, but for now, 5 is a dang good spot.

4. Fate/Grand Order: Absolute Demonic Front - Babylonia (2019)

Part of me hesitates placing this high up on list due to this show being animated, fan service spectacle for Fate fans. However, that hesitation is overshadowed by the fact that I am a Fate fan myself and I can do whatever I want with this list. Even if you're not a Fate fan or play FGO, if you enjoy some solid fight animation, this is worth a look.

3. K-On S1 (2009)

I'll admit it, I might regret not watching the second season then putting the series on the list as a whole, but this how I've been doing these lists and I'm such a creature of habit. There's not much I can say about K-On that hasn't already been said. By itself it's an anime classic and one of Kyo-ani's biggest properties. It's a sweet and wholesome watch, but be sure to have some insulin within reach.

2. Princess Principal (2017)

Imagine you're working with a team of programmers trying to make a mobile game then all of a sudden someone asks to make a show out of it. You know, a show with different character motivations, plot, twist and turns and all that? Most might say that's just a shameless, shallow cash grab, but it turns out okay for Princess Principal. Sure, most might summarize this anime as, "cute girls doing espionage things," but with its cast, visuals, and interesting alternative timeline, it works! Apparently there's a new season or movie in the works and I am all for it!

1. Beastars (2019)

I was not expecting this to be number one, but with much deliberation (with myself obviously) this feels right. It tells a pretty unique story while showing itself to be the exception to the rule when it comes to 3D anime.....it being that it's actually good. While I acknowledge that shows like K-On are classics and deserves to be number one on many different lists, it didn't line up with my personal criteria like Beastars did. My biggest deciding factor is: Now that I've watched this, do I want more? It's true that while I'm excited to start K-On S2, Beastars intrigues me more and ever since season two was announced, I'm looking forward to that more.

Sorry again for this list being so late, but at least the silver lining is that the next end of the year list is about four months away (in theory)!

[theres-a-goldensky]

16 + 2 Reddie Fic Recs pt. 2

I’m back and still on my Bill Hader bullshit, so here’s another round of Reddie fic recs, because I can’t stop reading and sometimes sifting through the insane amounts of fic is a nightmare. So if you feel my pain and need some (at least in my opinion) fun stories, then come along with me on a magical journey filled with men crying during sex, hypochondria, and your mom jokes.

As ever, feel free to reblog and check out my other rec lists for the following fandoms:

IT chapter 2 list part one - Reddie

Good Omens fic 

The Untamed list one and two - various pairings, mostly Wangxian

Various BL Series fic (fandoms: Love By Chance, TharnType, 2Moons series, My Engineer, Until We Meet Again, 2gether, History3: Trapped)

Or just head over to my bookmarks on AO3.

All my recs are completed, almost all of them are post-It chapter 2. * - denotes a favorite

1. I killed a clown. AMA! by liesmyth - ~10,000 words, teen - The history of Eddie and Myra’s marriage shown through their posts on reddit. The voices here are great, and it really feels like reading the reddit forums, down to the people sleuthing through their past posts and comments to try and figure out if what they’re saying is real or an elaborate troll.

 r/relationships

Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 7 months ago

 My (39F) husband (39M) likes horrible stand-up comedy. How can I stop him from bringing this up in front of our mutual friends?

For the last year or so my husband has been watching a lot of stand-up comedy on youtube. I want him to have something relaxing to do (he works a lot and gets really invested in his ‘hands-on’ hobbies in a way I’m not sure is good for him) but I was very puzzled by this discovery as he likes very crass acts and that is certainly not the kind of humor hubby usually enjoys...

2. all of the kids back home believing much more than you do by eatcheeseliveforever - ~11,000 words, explicit - This is a fix-it fic, which is becoming more and more rare in this fandom as we collectively started deciding that Eddie Kaspbrak doesn’t need to be brought back to live, because he never died in the first place, dammit. It has some great pining by Richie. You can really feel his grief and desperation as he searches for a way to get Eddie back. The other Losers are great in this too, especially Mike with his whales.

"A boat, actually," murmured Mike.  "I'm on a whale-watching cruise."

Richie mouthed the words "whale watching cruise" to himself.  Empirically he knew such things existed, that they happened not far away from the coast where he lived, but it felt like several fucking galaxies away from where he was, surrounded by the ghosts of takeouts and blackouts past and the actual ghost-ghosts, who he couldn't step in or stub his toe on at three in the morning, but hurt so much worse.

"He said you've been googling resurrection rituals."

Richie scrounged through his pile of empties, hoping one wasn't.  "Bill talks too much."

"Richie."  A sigh, or a wave, or a really quiet whale.  "You're not going to find a resurrection ritual on Google."

"I've found hundreds," said Richie.  "Funny thing, though, they all seem to call for orgies.  Or virgin sacrifices.  Or sacrificing someone's virginity in an orgy.  I'm hoping Ben will volunteer as tribute."

3. * - you’ve got the answers to my confessions by QueerOnTilMorning - ~17,000 words, explicit - This is the good stuff right here. Richie accidentally sexts Eddie and Eddie is IN. TO. IT. This fic starts with excellent phone sex, there’s misunderstandings and confessions in the middle, and then it ends with super hot sex. There’s a brief part with karaoke that was a bit of a lull in the story, but doesn’t take away from how great the rest is.

     suck on ur tongue  

     show u how much I missd that mouth  

     when u start getting weak in the knees  

     thats when ill get on mine  

 He set the phone aside to unzip his pants, palming himself through his boxers, already half-hard.

 Then he froze.

 The text he had just replied to--it was what he'd expected Travis to say, but it wasn't how Travis would say it. That text began with a capital letter and contained punctuation. That text was from--

 "Oh, fuck, no," Richie whispered, and his phone rang.

 Incoming call: Eds

4. * -  L'Appel du Vide by Mackem - ~92,000 words, teen - I know, I know, almost 100k and no sex, but hear me out! The pining in this fic is so exquisitely beautiful and wrenching. Eddie’s POV is excellent and feels really spot on. The other Losers are well represented, especially Ben and Bev. In fact, the group dynamics here are almost as good as the relationship stuff. The later chapters bring in a subplot about the deadlights that I wasn’t that interested in, but it’s still done really, really well, and that’s only a side plot that doesn’t impact that exceptional story of Eddie and Richie figuring out how to stop being dummies.

Two messages, however, are from Stanley, sent to him privately. He opens them, and is met with a picture of Richie, apparently taken without him realising.

It shows him laughing, his eyes crinkled at the corners behind his glasses, and his smile bright and broad as a hand gestures wildly in the air. The other hand is in his hair, pushing it out of his eyes as he tilts his head back, displaying the line of his throat beneath his stubble.

The breath is punched from Eddie at the sight of it.

He stares at it for a long moment, surprised by the depth of his reaction. His stomach is swirling happily, a bubble of excitement growing at the pit, and he cannot help but feel a heated flush build at his cheeks.

It’s probably just because Richie looks like he’s enjoying himself. It’s good to see his friend having fun. That has to be it.

Then he reads Stan’s message.

Stan: He was talking about you. He does that a lot.

5. my love a beacon in the night - by zach_stone - ~4500 words, explicit - Richie is on the road doing shows through Christmas. His friends have a surprise for him. I know it’s almost Valentine’s Day, but it’s never the wrong time for a fluffy Christmas story imo.

 “Yep, just got to my hotel,” Richie says. “Now I’m getting ready for my big Christmas Eve plans.”

 Eddie snorts. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

 “Well according to my TV guide, they’re doing a rerun of The Mistletoe Promise, so I’m all fuckin’ set,” Richie says, grinning when Eddie laughs. On Eddie’s end of the line, he hears the sound of cars passing by, the muffled chatter of people, and says, “Are you outside?”

 “Huh? Oh, yeah,” Eddie says.

 Richie glances at the clock on the nightstand. It’s after ten; Eddie’s not one to be wandering around Times Square after dark. He frowns slightly. Eddie’s been unusually vague about his holiday plans, so Richie has no clue what he’s up to this evening. Not that it’s any of his business. Maybe he’s started seeing someone and is spending the holidays with them. Richie has a sudden image of Eddie, arm-in-arm with some generically pretty woman, taking in the lights and decorations around the city. It opens a pit in his stomach.

6. Coming Back and Coming Out: Richie Tozier's 2019 by Lunatical - ~2000 words, teen - I genuinely adore the mixed media fics that this fandom has spawned. This one is an excerpt from a magazine interview with Richie as he restarts his career.

Slouched on his couch in a cheesy Hawaiian shirt and torn-up jeans, Richie Tozier looks exactly like the manchild he is describing himself to be. Next to him, sitting up straight and dressed in a lovely suit that most people would consider appropriate for an interview, his husband rolls his eyes.

When we scheduled this interview, Tozier insisted we hold it at their house, citing a desire for the interview to be “as chill as possible”—in his own words, of course. He argued that seeing the two of them in their usual environment would help me get a better idea of the kind of relationship they have. After walking into their apartment and seeing the way they’ve decorated the place, I have to admit that I can understand why.

7. baby, there’s no other superstar by kaspbrakziers - ~7000 words, mature - Another mixed media fic that shows the progression of Richie and Eddie’s relationship and Richie’s career through tweets, texts, and interviews. Eddie not knowing how to turn off the capslock on his phone absolutely sent me.

Search history

Today Sunday, 13 November 2016

should i get a divorce? - Google Search

Unhappily Married: Should I get a divorce? - Yahoo Answers

10 Signs Your Marriage Is Over - Buzzfeed

how to divorce? - Google Search

How To File For Divorce (With Pictures) - wikiHow

how to divorce someone without them getting angry? – Google Search

can you divorce someone without telling them? - Google Search

8. Goes on Trips for the Scenery by InkandOwl - ~4500 words, teen - Eddie dies and then comes back to life and tries to get some perspective. I liked the conversations between Eddie and Richie and then way that Eddie starts to take care of himself. The end is really sweet.

If cosmic power and a literal alien space clown’s death wasn’t going to bring him back to life, Eddie was certain that the terrible pain of hearing Richie beg, his tears dropping onto Eddie’s face, probably would’ve done it. He feels sick just thinking about it. About what it all means. “Yeah, Rich, I will.” He could throw a jab at him, tell him something about eating like an adult for once, but he wants to be easy with him right now. Richie deserves it. “You’ll text, right?”

Richie looks down at the prepaid cricket phone in Eddie’s hand and laughs, “There’s no fucking way that thing gets texts.”

“It does.” Eddie grins, “You could call too.”

The fight drains from Richie, his shoulder slumping and he sighs, “Yeah, Eds, I’ll call.”

9. cause i'm about to blow that back out by thotgreeves - ~5000 words, explicit - Here, have some porn. Eddie wears lingerie and Richie loses his goddamn mind. Features submissive top Richie and his unending boner for Eddie.

Richie really should have learnt to never underestimate Eddie Kaspbrak by now. It had come close to killing Richie once, but Eddie might actually be trying to finish him off.

Because the other perk of always letting Eddie go ahead of him was that it gave Richie a prime view of Eddie's ass. Eddie knew about this part and was okay with it. He was wearing a high-waisted pair of slacks that Richie was pretty sure came from the women's section, slightly loose in the legs but nicely filled out by his ass. Richie had been very vocal in the past about how hot they got him, which signaled that Eddie definitely wanted to have sex tonight, and that was already enough to make Richie's dick twitch in excitement. He hadn't been prepared for the finishing blow.

Richie's eyes were fixed, pendulum-like, on how Eddie's slacks were hugging his butt perfectly with every step he took, tight enough to show off the outline of his underwear. Only the folds didn't sit where Richie had expected them to. Instead, Richie realized, his mouth going dry, that in the absence of boxers, there was only a V-shaped crease running from Eddie's hips to between his asscheeks, which could only mean-

Eddie was wearing a thong.

10. * - I’ll Be Homo For Christmas by Amuly - ~15,000 words, explicit - Bill and Audra get a divorce, so Bill moves into Richie’s house with him. Eddie, watching all of this from New York, where he’s still married to Myra, is super, super ok and fine with it in every way.

Except then Richie started posting.

Just stupid shit, mostly with Bill. It wasn’t even real. Eddie knew Bill wasn’t gay and him and Richie were just fucking around ‘for the ‘gram!’ But the more posts Eddie scrolled past on Richie’s Instagram—

 Bill in the kitchen swatting at Richie with a spatula.

 Richie and Bill at the pound, Richie rating dogs on adoptability, Richie begging Bill to adopt a dog with him.

 Richie in the morning with bedhead, smiling blearily into the camera as Bill…

Well. Eddie couldn’t even remember what stupid thing Bill was supposed to be doing in the background of that photo because his eyes couldn’t get past Richie’s bedhead and shirtless torso, chest hairs creeping up towards his collarbones and the little dip at the base of his throat.

Eddie hadn’t thought he was homophobic. But he must have some unresolved issues with it, because he got a stomachache every time he looked at that photo of Richie. Eddie popped a Tums and resolved to talk about it with his therapist.

11. A High-Five is a Hug You Can Hit by Amuly - ~26,000 words, explicit - This fic shows us times throughout their friendship when Eddie and Richie would invent reasons to touch each other without even knowing why. This author feels the same bone deep conviction about Richie crying during sex that I do, and I greatly appreciate that. Plus, all of their stories are fantastic, including this one.

“You know, one of the symptoms of hypothermia is feeling like you’re warm. So like, your body gets so cold that it gets hot, and then you start taking off your clothes-”

“Bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you, Eddie?” Richie shot back at him without turning around.

“Why don’t you ask your sister how much she liked it last week!” Eddie hollered up at him. Richie just flipped him off without looking. That kinda… bugged Eddie. What the fuck did Richie think he was doing leading up the group with Bill? Why was he stuck back here with Stan? Eddie glanced over at Stan, who was trudging tiredly through the woods alongside him, breath puffing out in little clouds of smoke.

“Okay, Stan?”

Stan glanced over at him, confused. Then he shrugged. “Yeah, fine. Cold.”

“Well that’s better than feeling warm.” And now Eddie was back on track. “Because, if anyone starts feeling warm, they should tell the others immediately. That’s a sign of hypothermia. And we have to warm you up. But you have to do it gradually, you can’t just jump in like, a pot of boiling water-”

12. * - fall apart of stay intact by kaspbrak_kid - ~19,000 words, teen - A more melancholy take on the Christmas fic. This story takes Richie’s self-esteem issues and mental problems and amps them up in a way that feels entirely realistic. The gang comes together to celebrate Christmas, and everyone is walking on eggshells because last Christmas was a bad one for Richie. Also, Eddie moves into the house literally right next to Richie’s, and I find that detail endlessly charming.

“Five minutes ago. I called you, and you didn’t answer. Because you were outside, apparently, fucking...stargazing in December! With no hat on!”

“It’s about the Vitamin D!” Richie says. Now that he’s moved a little, he can really feel the cold—his ears are aching, and his face is numb. “Reflecting off the moon, or something. I have seasonal depression, you know!”

“You have seasonal stupidity,” Eddie mutters, audibly rubbing his hands together. “Just get inside.”

“Yours or mine?” Richie jokes.

Eddie doesn’t get the memo. “Mine, obviously. I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

“Oh,” Richie says, and sits up. “Um. Okay, be right there.”

“Oh, thank god,” Eddie says, and hightails it to his back door, cursing about the cold.

13. evidence of a happier future by lagaudiere - 23,000 words, mature - I am here, leading the Jealous!Eddie revolution. Why aren’t there more fics about this. Have you SEEN Eddie Kaspbrak, can you IMAGINE him jealous? Make this happen, fandom. Anyway, in this one, Richie has a boyfriend back in LA. Eddie has trouble dealing with that as he tries to figure himself out and pick up the pieces of his life post-Derry.

“It’s not gonna be like Mike’s announcement, don’t worry,” Richie says hastily. “And it’s not like, a huge thing, so don’t make it a huge thing. But you guys are like, my best friends, and I just wanted you to know that I’m, uh. Gay.”

He turns up his palms and raises his eyebrows in a gesture that suggests a magician presenting his audience with an empty hat after making the rabbit disappear, and Eddie says, “Are you joking?”

“What? Jesus, no, Eddie.” Richie’s face falls, and Eddie instantly feels guilty. “I’m trying to be sincere here.”

“Sorry,” Eddie says immediately, feeling all of their friends looking at him with reproach. “I was just — if you weren’t, I wouldn’t think you should… joke about it.”

“Well, I am,” Richie says. He sounds slightly put out — and who wouldn’t be, Eddie scolds himself, by that ridiculous response. “I have all the gay credientials. I have a boyfriend, partner, whatever people say. I don’t really tell people because of the whole, stage persona, thing. But yeah.”

“Richie!” Bev’s voice breaks through the awkwardness, and she reaches across the table to squeeze his hand. “Thank you for telling us. Really.”

And the others all join in, a chorus of voices telling Richie they love him and they’re proud of him, and Ben is saying, “I wanna see a picture of the guy!” and Eddie’s throat feels like it’s closing up.

14. The ‘Do Not Fucking Touch Me’ Tour by MellytheHun - ~23,000 words, explicit - It’s Richie’s comeback special, and he makes it a big one. This...isn’t really a comedy show, but the author lampshades that. It’s an excuse to have Richie talk about how much he loves each of his friends individually, and it’s extremely entertaining. Richie doesn’t know that Eddie is in the audience watching it all.

“Hey, uhm… Eddie… he couldn’t reschedule his thing? He - I mean... it… it was really that important?”

She feels awful for him immediately, but not wanting to spoil what would ultimately be a lovely surprise, she tells him, “I’m sorry, Rich. He said it was urgent. He was really sorry about it.”

Her phone buzzes with a text from Eddie right as Richie curses under his breath, missing the noise. She clutches her phone more tightly in her fist, knowing Eddie is wondering where his seat is going to be; she bought him a separate ticket, elsewhere in the theatre, so Richie wouldn’t catch him sitting among them, as he will absolutely, inevitably look over to the Losers for most of the show.

“Okay,” Richie surrenders sadly, “Uh - I guess he’ll see it eventually, right?”

Smiling forlornly at him, she pats his arm, and tells him, “don’t worry, Richie. Your genius will inevitably be forced upon us all.”

He smiles at her, gives her a kiss on the cheek, and when Bill jokingly asks why he didn’t get one, Richie flips him off, and reminds them to treat themselves to the bar in the lobby.

Once he’s backstage, Beverly takes her phone out, and emails Eddie his ticket, explains that she’s already convinced Richie he’s not coming, and to make sure he doesn’t show up too early, or Richie will notice.

15. The List by cissues - ~7000 words, teen - Eddie finds a list he wrote as a teenager. Richie tries his best to fulfill them all. This is very sweet.

‘ All the things I want. Everything I’m not allowed to have. A perfect summer. ”

The words hit gentler than he thought they would, but they still hit and he finds himself blinking away at a wetness at the corner of his eye. He wipes at it and sniffles and Richie peers sidelong at him to make sure he’s okay. He is, he’s fine, and Richie never dotes on him when things are, generally, okay. Only when he needs it, which is one of the many things he loves about what they have now.

“This is… this is like a fucking  bucket list  for the most repressed child in the world.” Richie says, breathless.

Eddie rolls his eyes to hide the sting. “You’re looking at him,” he says, bitter. Richie frowns at him but turns back to the paper. Another thing Eddie loves, Richie never takes his trauma-induced bait. His knee-jerk reactions developed over years of what he’s now comfortable enough to call abuse.

16. Richie Tozier Answers the Web's Most Searched Questions by DeadpanMage - ~2000 words, teen - This is a short one, but the transcript of this popular YT video format with Richie felt spot on in terms of characterization and Richie’s voice.

[Back to the text screen: “So WIRED asked Richie Tozier some of the internet’s burning questions.” Cut back to Richie, now holding a poster board with several Google autocomplete searches half covered.]

Richie: I’ve undergone something of a rebranding in the past year, so I wonder how many of these questions are going to be super irrelevant-slash-embarrassing. Probably all of them. Let’s get started! [He tears the covering off of the first question.] Alright, that’s not bad. “How to pronounce Richie Tozier?” Well, we’re only on question one and I’ve already said it like a hundred times so there you go. And that’s “Richie Tozier” spelled J-O-H-N M-U-L-A-N-E-Y, so if you’ve got any complaints be sure to send them that way. Next question!

You can check out a larger list of stories I’ve enjoyed in my AO3 bookmarks. And finally, if you’re interested, here are the two fics I’ve written:

1. Waiting For a Sign - ~6000 words, explicit - Eddie meets Richie again and comes to the startling realization that he totally wants to hit that.

Maybe if Richie wasn’t famous, Eddie could have found a way to let it go. A couple furtive jerk off sessions in the shower after he got back to New York and the image of Richie’s big hands and wide smile and improbably flattering stubble would fade from his mind.

But Richie was famous, and the internet never forgot.

Eddie lasted three days before giving in and typing ‘Richie Tozier’ into the YouTube search bar. Just seeing Richie in the thumbnails was enough to make Eddie’s heart thud, what the fuck. He had to scroll past a bunch of news videos about Richie's supposed mental breakdown, but after that he landed on some old stand-up.

Before he clicked on the first video, he got up and made sure that the door of his study was locked. Then he turned off the lights and put on a pair of earbuds.

Fake It ‘Til You Make It - ~21,000 words, explicit - It’s that totally relatable situation where the man you’re secretly in love with is a celebrity who just came out and now needs a fake boyfriend to keep himself in the spotlight. Eddie offers to help out of the goodness of his heart and not because he’s insanely fucking jealous.

Eddie froze, breath catching in his throat.

Richie looked...really good.

Bev’s influence was obvious. His hair, which had been unkempt and shaggy, a perfect match for his stoner permakid schtick, was cut much shorter and neater. His formerly unruly stubble somehow now emphasized the sharp cut of his jaw instead of obscuring it.

He wore new glasses, Eddie noticed. Slim silver metal frames instead of his giant, clunky plastic ones. The fitted black sweater and dark blue jeans were simple, but made his shoulders look impossibly broad and his legs miles long.

Fuck everything and Beverly Marsh in particular.

LINK TO MY FIRST SET OF REDDIE RECS 30+ FICS

[gendercensus]

How people found the survey

It’s day 12 of the 2020 Gender Census (closing 12th March), and there have been almost 16,000 participants, which is phenomenal. I’m still boggled! It’s 40% higher than last year, and over 4,500 more people than last year!

But anyway, since things have been going to well in the participation department, I’ve shifted over to the analysis department. A lot of my calculation spreadsheet stuff from last year still works, so I’m already able to see what’s popular this year and so on, which has saved me a lot of time and energy. I’m using it to analyse the results of the new questions: ages and referrals.

If you’ve read last year’s report you’ll know that I’ve been particularly concerned about making sure that older participants are represented. With that in mind, this year I added an age question and a referrer question.

I have previously asked about age as a one-off (2017), to see whether that could tell us anything useful or interesting, and it wasn’t particularly successful because the ages of participants were more representative of the usual age distribution of people on the internet and using social networks. That makes sense, because most people are finding the survey through social networks! In previous years I asked for an exact number. This year, to preserve anonymity in the public spreadsheet as much as possible (you never know), I split age answers into groups of 5 years. (11-15, 16-20, 21-25, etc.)

If you’ve been keeping up with status reports or looking at the progress spreadsheet you’ll know that participants over the age of 30 are not as common in the Gender Census. The percentage of participants aged 31+ is currently about 14%.

I also asked how participants found the survey, and the responses to this have been interestingly diverse (GoodReads, Penny Arcade forums, Pornhub??) but mainly focused on the Big Three:

Tumblr - 36.4%

Twitter - 19.8%

Facebook - 12.2%

That’s just over two thirds of participants from those three websites alone. (Runners up include Discord (9%), Reddit, our own mailing list and the Nonbinary Wiki.)

For the first few days Twitter was bringing in a lot more people than Tumblr, but then after a week Tumblr took the lead significantly. I suspect this might mean that Twitter is better for intense flash-in-the-pan viral activity, whereas Tumblr might be more slow and steady.

But the most interesting information can be gleaned by comparing age and referrer. It’s particularly interesting to me because I want to get more data from underrepresented age groups. Perhaps if some social networks are more frequented by those ages groups I can focus the survey’s presence more in those communities.

This is what I found:

This picture might be a little difficult to see, so I’ll do my best to describe it. (I don’t know how good Google Sheets is with screen readers but I’ll make sure this data shows up in the publicly viewable stuff-tracking spreadsheet too.) The table includes the Big Three referrers (Tumblr, Twitter and Facebook), plus the Gender Census mailing list. They cover almost three quarters of all participants.

Broadly speaking:

Tumblr was the most popular source for finding the survey among people under the age of 30, peaking in the 16-20 range.

Twitter is unusual for having a nice even age distribution of about 26-55, with no clear and definitive “peak” - 46-50 looks popular until you see that the sample size for that age range is pretty small at 121 participants.

Facebook covers a lot of the older age ranges starting at 41+, and excelling in the 56+ ranges too, though it should be noted that sample sizes for those age ranges shrink significantly.

The first three I included just because they were the most common. Those three sites cover all age ranges, more or less. But the Gender Census mailing list is of interest to me because it’s so far the joint most common way for people over the age of 70 to access the survey - and it is only common in that age range, even though about 4% of participants are coming from that source. If you look at it in isolation it’s also consistently common in the 50+ range.

[Not visible in this limited table: Discord and Instagram were particularly popular in the 15-and-under age group; 39% of participants are under 16 so far.]

So this tells me a few things about how I can move forward:

I was right to start crowdfunding for a mailserver so that I could run a proper mailing list. Older participants are much more likely to stay in tune with the survey using email, it seems - and ages 41 and over are only about 3% of survey participants. At first I used Mailchimp, and this year when I hit the 2,000 subscriber limit for the free tier I switched to the less sophisticated but well-suited TinyLetter, for the 5,000 subscriber limit. There are already 700 more subscribers so I feel good about that decision! If we go over 5,000 I will definitely be including mailing list service fees in the annual crowdfunding, because the mailing list is clearly an important way to get the word out to underrepresented groups.

I probably need to have a Facebook presence. Thanks, I hate it. The older age groups are not represented, the older age groups are often finding the survey on Facebook, and the survey doesn’t have a Facebook presence. The latter is because Facebook’s surveillance culture creeps me out so much. I’m currently undecided about how to move forward with this. Even if I have a Facebook page and post about the survey, since I left Facebook over 10 years ago it’s come to light that the posts of pages who don’t pay for attention are often not seen at all due to ~algorithms~ and that makes me uncomfortable. I’m honestly not sure what to do.

Anyway, if you’re curious enough to have read this far and you want to help more, sharing the link on Facebook and by email is a great way to get the survey out to underrepresented folks! Here is the survey URL for easy copy-and-pasting: https://www.smartsurvey.co.uk/s/gendercensus2020

[natsspammityspamspamham]

1. Who’s your celebrity crush?

I don’t have celebrity crushes most of the time. I have people who I think are pretty and people that I admire, but I don’t have any of them that I crush on. Alongside my favourite voice actors (seiyuu), Emma Watson would definitely be up there. There’s something about intelligence that makes a person far more appealing.

2. Are you single or taken?

As single as they come! I haven’t even been in a relationship, and I don’t really have any interests in getting into one!

3. Rant. Just do it.

I’m nervous. I’m doubting. I hate this feeling in me. I feel so out of place, so uncomfortable, and it’s eating me on the inside. I wish I had friends in real life. I really wish I did, but it feels like I’m growing apart from everyone, and I’m pushing them all away because I can’t stand being reminded of my past, and I feel like every step I take is just a desperate attempt to get myself back on track, and I’m trying to be proud of myself. I really am. But I have a hard time acknowledging anything that I do. I never feel like I’m enough. I feel insufficient. I feel like I’m just a statistic. I feel inferior yet superior at the same time. My self-image is warped. I feel like I’m lying to myself and to others. It hurts. It hurts a lot, and I don’t want people to know but I do at the same time. It’s a pain unlike any other, and as much as I can say that I don’t feel lonely, I feel like there should be people in my life that I can call my friends, and I want someone that I can mutually call my best friend without them saying that they are just my “good friend”. I want to know that I mean the upmost to a person without feeling I’m burdening them. I want to be No. 1 at something. 

I dream about chasing dreams like becoming a medical professional, but I continue to realize and face my shortcomings that would prove that I’m not really fit for it. I want to do it, but quite frankly, I’m too stupid. 

I can’t even articulate what’s truly paining my mind. It’s difficult. I don’t know why my body and mind wants to destroy itself.

But sometimes, I think I fix myself better.

4. Do you think it's okay to separate the artist from the art?

Personally, I’m one of those people who usually say no to this question. Now, if you have weird kinks or like pineapple on pizza, that’s none of my business. I won’t hold it against you. However, I find it hard to separate when things are illegal or morally wrong.

Examples:

Net-juu no Susume was a really heartwarming anime, and it was one of my favourite anime that depicted a wholesome adult romance that unveiled many truths about the real world despite spending its time online, but I would’ve never watched the anime if I would have known that the director was a Holocaust-denier. The rest of the staff? I don’t know, but I felt extremely uncomfortable even reblogging content after I found out.

I was planning on watching Rurouni Kenshin, and to this day, I believe I’m missing out, but I cannot support or condone or even watch a series that has a creator as wretched as Nobuhiro Watsuki. If you don’t know, he was charged in February of 2017 for child pornography. He was fined 200,000 yen. It was a slap on the wrist. Even though Rurouni Kenshin wasn’t a reflection on his person according to fans, I don’t feel keen on watching a show created by such a man.

In regards to actors, this goes for them too. If they are not supportive of the LGBTQ community, if they are racist, if they have committed acts that are cannot be condoned, I wouldn’t want to watch them or anything. Again, I have a hard time keeping track of who’s actually clean in this world, and in Japan, there is a lot of covering up. It was recently revealed that a lot of Madhouse anime that people love were probably made at the expense of animators who are human beings.

5. How many accounts do you have?

I have a few.

@nsisbest385 - my main where I stockpile my music @natsspammityspamspamham - This one where I am really open and reblog everything that I want to reblog (no exceptions; if I don’t even think about it, I just reblog) @natsthinkitythinkthinkthonk - used to be for inspirational stuff/writing, but now it’s mostly seiyuu stuff. I post things for their birthdays. I should’ve made a separate account. @semitranslatedseiyuublog - Where I semi-translate stuff but mostly transfer seiyuu content from Reddit. @awkwardbsd - This account has more followers than all my other accounts combined. It’s for awkward screenshots, memes, and other stuff surrounding the Bungou Stray Dogs universe. @dragontypepropaganda - I didn’t tell anyone this existed until now. I’m generally not on it. I just queue and leave.

6. How many pairs of shoes do you have?

Let’s see... uh... 1 for outside, 1 for exercise, 1 for my house slippers, 3 for orchestra that I never use, 2 dress shoes that I really never use, and I’m supposed to get 1 pair of slippers for outside.

7. Opinion on…

I don’t think I can answer this.

8. How many accounts do you follow?

9. Favourite brand of clothing?

I’ve been wearing more Uniqlo lately, but my wardrobe has a lot of hand-me-downs despite being so sensitive tactile-wise.

10. Name a dog

Atticus (boy) and Haruko (girl)

11. What unusual talent do you have?

I can whistle. I haven’t tried in a while, but I can put my feet behind my head.

12. What’s the most interesting school's gossip you’ve ever heard?

Keep in mind, I was only in school until grade 9-10. One of my PE teachers Ms. Snow had really scary eyes. When she got mad at me (which is pretty frequent considering she didn’t know who I was and kept calling me by other Asian people’s names because “we look the same”), I swear her eyeballs would extend from her sockets a little. They looked like they were about to pop out of her head. My sister said that urban legend states that she once fell down the stairs and both eyeballs popped out. She put them back in and carried on.

13. Ever prank called a store?

I think I almost tried once until I got a scolding or something (wasn’t even my parents).

14. What’s your coffee order?

Don’t have one. I don’t like coffee. I’m generally open to tea.

15. What’s a question do you constantly get asked?

“How are you?” I usually choose the easy route to answer to this question. I just say “good thanks”. You want the truth? I lie to myself.

“Why did you leave school?” It was a living hell. I didn’t feel safe. I was breaking down years ago. School nearly broke me, and if I stayed there any longer, I would’ve died (not an exaggeration).

“What are your hobbies?” I usually just say music and watching cartoons* (anime). They usually ask what else, and I just stare blankly.

16. If you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?

I wouldn’t want one.

17. Google the top song from the year you were born

Apparently, it’s How You Remind Me by *gasp* Nickelback.

18. Rant about your favourite musician

I seriously wish I was able to go to Sara Bareille’s version of the Waitress. I wish I was able to see it on Broadway. She’s such a talented individual, and she deserves all the attention she gets.

19. What’s your favorite teacher you’ve ever had?

All of my best teachers have been outside of school. I would say that my favourite teachers are my current bass teacher and my taekwondo master who has taught me for over a decade.

20. Describe your blog in 3-5 words

Fando(o)m, ranting, anime, seiyuu, random

21. What’s a conspiracy you believe in?

I believe aliens exist. I don’t think it would be logical to assume that Earth is the only planet that has “intelligent” (I say that very loosely) lifeforms.

“But they don’t have water or oxygen” Bold of you to assume that said aliens would need such a thing. I would think they can adapt like humans and all that. I just think it’s dumb to close ourselves off to believing that there are people other than ourselves that exist in this wide and expanding universe.

22. If you could see any concert tonight what would you choose?

I would really want to see the Waitress. If that doesn’t count, I would want to see some seiyuu singing live. It would depend. Hosoya doesn’t sing much anymore, Maaya Sakamoto has a waitlist longer than my lifespan (I have no luck with lotteries), and Saori Hayami has the same issue. I would want to see Sphere live too, but I don’t know all of their songs.

23. If you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose?

My depression... or my anxiety. Actually, those aren’t habits. I guess the closest I will get is doubting myself and beating myself up.

24. Can you dance? Sing?

A strong no to both.

25. What’s something you can’t stop buying?

Uh… I don’t go out and buy anything. I don’t make money so I don’t buy. However, if I did, I would really want to treat myself to good food and anime stuff.

26. Crowds or small groups?

Small groups... obviously.

27. How long before a trip do you pack?

Depends on where. When it comes to the Philippines, weeks for the Balikbayan boxes and less than a week for my actual clothes (usually pack a ton of clothes because I sweat a lot and “we’re not doing laundry!”)

28. What celebrity would you rate a PERFECT 10?

I feel like I don’t have a good grasp of the culture so I actually can’t say anything about my favourite seiyuu. We don’t even know if that’s their true personality. However, I feel like my perfect 10s are Emma Watson and Robin Williams. They might not be my “crushes”, but they are perfect 10s. 

29. What quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs?

“When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up!” Nah man, you just don’t know what rock bottom looks like. It’s gonna get worse.

“Don’t fix what isn’t broken!” All because you can’t see what’s wrong with it doesn’t mean it isn’t broken. Yeah, I’m talking about the school system.

“Pain makes you who you are. It makes you stronger.” I can say that my trauma gives me anxiety.

30. If you had to dye your hair an unnatural colour right now, what would you choose?

I go by “Purple Dino” online so I’d have to say dark purple.

31. You can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing?

I wish I could breathe properly. My allergies make it so hard for me to exist. It affects my breathing, sleep, dental care, and so much more. I think that’s the one physical thing I would change.

32. How old do you get mistaken for?

Apparently, I look like I’m in middle school even though I’m almost a legal adult.

33. What do you think about a lot?

Anime, seiyuu, my own shortcomings. 

34. Do you like your Hogwarts house or do you wish you were a different one?

I like Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. I haven’t done my test in a while. 

35. What does home mean to you?

Home is where you live. It’s where the heart lives. It’s where you feel safe, and it’s where you can take off the mask that you live in during the day. It’s the place where I don’t have to lie through my teeth. I can cry, I can laugh, I can scream, and I can finally be me.

36. What do you think you’d be arrested for?

I feel like I would be caught for pirating anime even if I don’t profit off it. 

37. Have you ever been called down to the principal's office?

I’ve been there, but I haven’t been called down there because I really wasn’t important in school.

38. Post a picture of the outfit you would choose if you could have any outfit you wanted

Probably a dark coloured hoodie with sweatpants. That’s my default during the winter anyway.

39. Describe your aesthetic

Tired dead eyes with existential dread and depression. That’s how I see myself.

40. Answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation 

I’m not sure how to say this, but I was really not in the “right crowd” at school, and I was never let into any of these things. I can’t answer this, and it pains me just to read this because I’m missing out on so much of my youth and “high school life”. 

I’m tagging @caratheillustrious who reblogged the questions!

[pixelfaeriesims]

Get to know me tag

I was tagged by nobody, I just wanted to participate

I tag: anybody and everybody 🖤

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Adrianna

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Addie

3. BIRTHDAY? December 7th

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus book series

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? I believe in both

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? Rick Riordan and Caitlin Spice 

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? I usually listen to pandora

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? Cherry

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? Amazing

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? Better now by Post Malone

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? Bamboozle

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? Psycho by Post Malone

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? The Office (US)

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? I don’t really watch movies to cheer up, I usually marathon The Office.

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? Tons

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? Seeing everyone I love suffer and being able to do nothing about it.

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION?  I try to look for the best in people, and have compassion.

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I don’t always have the most mild temper.

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? Puppers

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? Yep, it’ll be 9 years this later this month

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? I miss how simple things used to be.

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? She’s not part of the sims community, but we’ve been friends since we were two.

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Brown

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?  Naturally black, but it’s dyed super dark purple at the moment.

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? Too many to just list one.

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? My Significant other 

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? My brother.

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? My birthday!

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? Gaming probably

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? Spongebob

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? My SO and my dad

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? Kinda

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? This is so stupid, but I’m really afraid of werewolves. I know it’s really irrational, but yeah.

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? In front.

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? Crossword puzzles and snuggling with my dog.

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? Stolen Tongues by Felix Blackwell

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Coco

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? some piano

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Pandas!

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? That’s a really tough one actually.

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? Teleportation 

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? At night in my room.

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? Seeing people go out of their way to be kind

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? Basketball, tennis, volleyball

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? Iced tea with lemon

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? A couple of weeks ago actually

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? A little bit

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? Unreliability 

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? A few

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? Nope

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? A Veterinarian 

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? The My Hero Academia world!

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? Everything!

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? Not really

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? Yes!

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? Yes

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? Disney World

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? New York City if I could afford it 

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? 3 dogs

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? Night owl

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Sunsets

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? Yes

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? Headphones

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Yeah for sooo long!

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? I like all types of music

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? My brother

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? Yes

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? Mistreatment of the elderly and disabled

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? I like to read on my phone

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? English/Writing 

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? I had a brother 🖤

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? Iced tea and Chick-fil-A

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′4

75. CAN YOU COOK? Yes, it’s one of my favorite things to do! 

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? My family, my pets, this community!

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? I don’t really hate many things

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? I’d say it’s equal

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Pansexual

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? Ohio

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? My dad

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Today, I’m a big crybaby lol

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? Prozd

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? Meh

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? youtube or reddit

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? I love them, and I’m so grateful for everything they’ve done for my brother and I.

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? Nigerian

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? South Korea

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 13

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? Nope

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? I’m more spiritual

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? I’m so fascinated by the deep ocean, I’d love to be able to see all the hidden creatures down there.

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? I have my moments

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? Just pollen

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? Yes

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? Yes

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? I try to always admit when I’m wrong and grow from it.

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? Forest

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? Don’t let a bad moment turn into a bad day

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? Yeah, but I’m not a fan of lying 

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Slytherin

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? All the time

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? A little of both

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? I used to

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? Depending on the situation and person.

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Look for a license to return it to the owner

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? Yes

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? Very much so

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Multiple times

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? My ears, my belly button, and I used to have my lip pierced

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? All Might

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? Quite a few

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? Not giving up on a long distance relationship 

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yes

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? contacts

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? Very badly

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? My dad

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? I went through a pretty big emo/scene phase while in school. I cringe just thinking about it.

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? I used to a lot

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? Black, but I still have lots of colorful clothing

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? Yes!

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? Mhm

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? About to be 24

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? It’s okay to not be okay

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? Savory by far

[mellowfilmmaker]

30 Best Mellow Frames (Part 3)

30-21

20-11

Sorry for the delay, here are the top ten Mellow Frames: 

10. Steven Universe Characters React to Edgy Theories 3:

Remember the Steven Universe Edgy Theory Generator? It was an online generator that came up with absurd theories for Steven Universe. It was popular with the fandom awhile ago. I made three comics that were about if these theories were true. These comics were fun to make because I didn't have to waste time on set up or anything like that, I could get to the jokes quicker. The most popular seems to be the third one. The joke at end seems to be the popular favorite, which surprised me because I was very unsure about making the joke. However people did find it funny so I guess it did work. Raven Molisee, a writer and story boarder for Steven Universe, liked this post so I guess this is Crewniverse approved. Neat.

 9. Just a Few Questions:

This is easily my most popular Mellow Frames as well as the most controversial. I do admit that I do have a few questions that could've been reworded ( "Where are my Limb Enhancers" should be " Am I ever going to get my limb enhancers back", " Did Rose have any humans before Greg" should be " Who were the humans that Rose had before Greg and what happened to them") Also there were some questions I should have asked like " Will Greg ever move on", " what did Peridot 'mean by Harvest me'", “Who owns the Big Donut”, and " where are the cops in Beach City?". 

With that said I do think some of the complaints are funny. I literally said it was a metaphor, but so many people took it literally. I've seen a few post complaining about this comic specifically saying this is how ridiculous SU Crits are. That makes me a little proud. Many believe that this comic is anti filler, but really my intention was to point out that there is a lot of possibilities for interesting stories, but season 4 wasn't taking advantage of that. Though not all the questions were like that.

Honestly most of the people did like this comic and I'm proud of it. It's just not higher because I prefer the ones where I am telling more of a story.

 8. Fuse, Marry, Kill:

Here's an oldie, but a goodie. It's just about the gems playing fuse, marry, kill (though in hindsight it should have been fuse, marry, shatter or fuse, marry, bubble), but Pearl is giving eyebrow raising answers. This is pretty much the birth of the character we call Problematic Pearl. Problematic Pearl is pretty much Pearl, but is blatantly unapologetic and her flaws have been ramped up. This comic did become a slight meme as I've seen people on Tumblr and Reddit reference it. I believe this one is all right.

 7. Problematic Pearl: Pokémon Go:

For those who don't know, I have a secondary account called Ask Problematic Pearl. It's an account where I have people ask questions towards Problematic Pearl, which is the Mellow Frames version of Pearl. This is easily my most popular post on that account and I understand why.  I feel like this one isn't cheating to put on here since it's done in a Mellow Frames sort of format. The ask I got for this came months before I answered. I waited so long to finally make this comic because I wanted to play the game for awhile so I can get the references right. I feel like it paid off. Also this is the only Pokémon Go meme I found that isn't either condescending to players or about team stereotypes.

 6. Are You the People I’m Suppose to Kidnap:

I'm a little surprised that this one is as popular as it is, I guess people like Garnet drawing boobs. In hindsight it is pretty funny and the boobs did look better than I expected (I can't draw, but I know how to use Illustrator). Here's a fun fact about what seems to be everyone favorite line "I hope not", It was originally going to be said by Lars. I was thinking about doing a Mellow Frames on the Good Lars, where Sadie and Steven decide to get baked instead of helping Lars bake. While they're high in the basement, Aquamarine and Topaz come in and kidnap Lars. Aquamarine asked Lars " Are you my dad?" to which Lars replied with " I hope not." I ended up scrapping the idea because of time restraint ( and it not being that funny) so I gave the line to Connie. In hindsight, having Connie say it is a lot funnier.

 5. The Lust Boat:

Well this one certainly has an erotic title, though it still accurately describes this comic. Not only is Jasper thirsty, but we have an added subplot about Pearl sailing out to hit on Jasper. I had quite a few people tell me that they hated this episode, but this comic made them feel a lot better. That makes feel a lot better.

 4. Aether Foundation is Suspicious as Fuck:

I can't believe how right this comic was. Not only was I right, the game didn't even hide it. For a while this was actually the Mellow Frames with the most views, which is surprising because usually only the SU stuff gets notes (aside: I really need to start making Pokémon comics again since Ultra Sun/Moon are coming out). There was even a well-made dub of this comic made by Ravens Dub. They did a pretty good job on it.

 3. Miss Problematic Pearl:

Mr. Greg was for me the episode that saved Pearl's character, however that's not very funny. What is funny is to put Problematic Pearl in the episode. So this comic is pretty much the episode except with Problematic Pearl and no musical numbers. This is probably one of the few Mellow Frames where I was laughing while making it.

 2. Do You Mind, I’m Full of Education:

My best comics happen to be the ones on the episodes I like (people would think it would be the other way around). Mindful Education is one of my favorite episodes so Do You Mind I'm Full of Education is one of my favorite Mellow Frames. Despite the episode being so good, I still have a lot material especially with bitter misused Garnet. It seems people's favorite part is when Garnet asked Stevonnie the uncomfortable question. I was very worried about that moment since Garnet used an arguably offensive (some people told me the word wasn't as much offensive as it was archaic. With that said, I never use the word unless in relation to a famous trope), but nobody got offended. Fun fact: that scene has also inspired an original film that I'm currently writing. This one is just one I love reading and I hope you do too.

 1.     Peridot’s Hidden Escape Pods:

And here’s #1, it was #1 the last list and it’s #1 her too. This one asks an important question, what if Peridot planted escape pods throughout the ship. It really doesn’t work out. People love seeing villains fail, and it’s usually funny to see it done by their own volition. What makes this comic the best one is that it works even if you haven’t seen what it’s parodying. I showed this comic to my little sister who hasn’t even seen Steven Universe, and she laughed hard. I also liked the interactions between Japer and Peridot, which wasn’t really that different from the show. Until “Aether Foundation is Suspicious as Fuck” and “Just a Few Questions” this was the Mellow Frames with the most notes, and it really deserves it. Like the Aether Foundation comic this too has a dub that you should check out (I’m linking to my reblog because the dubber deactivated their account). Honestly this one is still the funniest in my opinion.

And that was my top 30 Mellow Frames. I would like to thank you all for following my Mellow Frames and supporting them too. Making these have been a lot of fun despite the lack of financial returns. Now I’m going to tell you all a little secret. So many people have asked me to do an abridged series of these frames, and I’ve usually said no. Now I’m going to tell you that I actually really want to, and I probably will eventually. Right now I’m trying to get financially independent, but after I accomplish that I’m thinking about making the SU comics into videos. I just need to learn how to edit an abridge series (though it’s not exactly an abridge series) and get voice actors since I can’t voice act (though I know a few people would be perfect voices). So it probably won’t happen this year, but eventually I would like these Mellow Frames to not just be comics anymore. 

[jessi-31days-blog]

Day 3, Tuesday, October 3rd

I wake up at 9:30 am, attack my phone alarm with a vigorous "fuck that" and set it again for 10:30 am. My alarm goes off at 10:30 am, and I officially wake up.

I fell asleep around 1:00 am last night, and I mentioned yesterday how I love my 9 hours. I'll try to go to bed earlier tonight. I had a dream that someone was trying to force me to drink blood, so if any of you super cool dream interpreters can guess what that means, let me know.

Yoga class - "Pranayama Yoga To Move Energy" - 12:34:

SIKE!

 Apparently while doyogawithme.com has lots of free classes, but a few videos are subscription only. So when I click on the link to this video and see "subscription only" I simultaneously roll my eyes and harshly exhale out of both nostrils at this minor inconvenience. Ah, yes, minor inconveniences; the bane of any millennial's existence. The same video is provided for tomorrow, so I will have to find yet another replacement for it for day 4. Okay, now for real this time...

Yoga class - "3 Yoga Breathing Exercises for Anxiety" by Caren Baginski on YouTube - 7 mins:

If you try this video, you'll noticed I picked a pretty easy video for today. It was very helpful, especially the switching nostrils one (forgot what that one was called). I'll need to remember these when I have anxiety.

Guided Meditation - "Transform Yourself" - 15 mins:

Okay guys, I have a confession to make on this one. My brain could not shut off and I was too restless, so I only made it through 8 minutes of this guided meditation. I tried to follow the imagery of imagining light flowing through my body, and I did my best but it didn't help much. One thing the speaker said that I will mention is that you choose how you think and feel about yourself, your life, and your surrounding. And while people with mental illness such as myself can often think the opposite, that you can't control how you feel or think, in many ways you actually can. More often than not it's within the means of actually forcing yourself to replace the negative intrusive thoughts with positive or realistic thoughts than actually making yourself feel something, but if and when you continue to make yourself think healthily, you'll start to feel better emotionally. This is easier said than done, but it is true.

Read a Proverb - Proverbs 3:

This is a pretty famous chapter of Proverbs for Christians and Catholics of the world. In it are these verses, 5 & 6: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." I first read these verses in early 2010. The fact that I can actually remember the year is pretty cool, since my memory pretty much sucks. Actually, my memory basically works of it's own will, selecting at random what information I will and will not remember. Anyways, these verses have always had a lot of meaning to me. It pretty much sums up God's intended experience for a person who believes in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and His salvation. That's why I don't worry too much about how my life goes and the way I choose to live it. As long as I'm saved, and I believe I am, regardless of what happens to me, I know how things will turn out for me in the very end.

The rest of the chapter reiterated the theme of Proverbs, which is to delight in wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, so that you live a good life. It ends with some good general pieces of advice for life: use common sense, when you see someone who needs help, don't hesitate to help them, don't hurt people, don't pick petty fights with people, don't act like violent people act, and if you dedicate your life to wisdom, you will "inherit honor".

Blog post - TWLOHA - "Beyond Shades of Gray" by Sharleigh Thomson:

At the beginning of this article, Sharleigh defines how we as a society talk about something clear and defined. "You've either attempted or you haven't." But then she begins to describe what she calls a gray zone as the place where you desperately want to escape from the pain and being willing to die to do so. "A place where you might have the means, the will, the plan, the note—everything but the follow through." And good fucking god, I know what the gray zone is like. I instantly identified with the author of this blog post. She proceeded to describe how she was once unable to find the words to truly explain her experience and her pain. That there weren't enough syllables in the English language to describe just how hard what she was going through was. She started talk therapy, but had trouble opening up and finding the words to explain herself to her therapist. He suggested that she start writing down how she was feeling. My therapist told me to do the same thing, and I reacted the way Sharleigh did: with stubbornness. At that time she believed that writing was some sort of cop out. I used to believe that if I couldn't find a way to say it out loud, how the hell can I get it one paper? Well, as I've discovered, the opposite is true sometimes. If I can get my thoughts, whether they are complete sentences or not, out on paper (or most likely, the notes app on my computer), then I can form the way to say it out loud. As a matter of fact, writing down my train of thoughts has lead me to more epiphanies than I ever expected... I've got to start doing it again.

Finally, after another suicidal episode, Sharleigh gave in and began writing. She said that it started out dark and emotional, but eventually became something personal, beautiful, and hopeful. She found a way to break down her problems in her writing. Then she began to write plays, poetry, and blog posts about her experiences with mental health and suicide. Hey, I'm doing that last thing now! What a coincidence.

I haven't written poetry since I was a teenager. My poetry back then varied in quality, a good portion of them being angsty emo depression poetry about how much I hated my life. But I'm sure if I looked back into my old journals (which I somehow still have after losing the rest of my belongings over the course of a few months before moving to Florida), I could find two or three good ones. I wish I remembered how to write poetry. Not that it's all that hard, so long as you're good with words. But I have no idea what to write a poem about. I don't want to write one about my depression or anxiety, because I have grown to enjoy poetry that ends on a positive note, and I have yet to find a positive note for a poem about depression. It's not that I'm this huge pessimist, I know there's a light at the end of this dark ass stanky ass tunnel, but I just don't know how to end a poem anymore. I don't like writing poems about nature, because those are boring. I have a sense of humor, but for some reason I'm put off by funny poems. Oh well, maybe I'll find something to write a poem about someday.

As the blog post starts to near it's end, Sharleigh tells of how she rebuilt herself through writing, and how while she still feels darkness, she's still willing to keep creating things and searching for hope when times get hard. I'm trying to have that same attitude. Practice makes perfect, I suppose. She ends the post with some encouragement to stay alive, to find a way to make your voice heard, and most importantly, to find what you were made for. I appreciate the encouragement she offered, and I hope others who read that article find comfort in them, but more often than not I read inspiring words and ideas and they have little to no affect on me. It's the reading equivalent of "in one ear, out the other" (in one eye, out the other? I don't know). But when push comes to shove, I do get it. Really, I do. And she's not wrong. I suppose one day I'll find myself smack dab in the middle of what I was made to do. Maybe I'm doing it now. Regardless, though I don't feel encouraged, I'm choosing to be encouraged. I'm making it my state of mind rather than waiting to feel warm and fuzzy. It's all I've got right now.

Encouraging someone on reddit - r/anxiety:

I found an easy one. And when I say easy, I mean I had the experience to give to this person who was nervous about increasing their dosage of their antidepressant. They said they were afraid that increasing their dose from 10mg to 20mg would make them feel "weird". I let out a light chuckle when I read that, because if any psychiatric drug is gonna make you feel "weird" (or in my case, a fucking zombie), it's not the antidepressants; it's the antipsychotics. I told them about how I was misdiagnosed a year ago during my mental breakdown and was put on some VERY HEAVY antipsychotic drugs, which made me act like a robot. Ask my dad, he saw me a lot at that time. I had no emotions. My mother, who at this point lived across the country from me, even noticed that I was different. Now I'm not saying antipsychotics are bad, because some people really do need them. But if you don't need them, they definitely make you more numb than anyone needs to be, and not the "high" kind of numb, but the "I feel literally nothing; good or bad" kind of numb. I then told this person that I have had times in my life where I was only on an antidepressant. I've tried a bunch, and coincidentally, along with my vast experience with psychiatric medications, I've also experienced being on Lexapro alone. So I told them it doesn't make you feel weird, and that it is more likely to help them than anything. Or a bit less likely (but still possible), it could just not work for them at all and they need to try a different antidepressant. All in all, I hope I at the very least encouraged them not to be afraid to increase their medication, so long as the doctor says it's best.

Walk:

The neighbors came by today to let us know a few sex offenders live in our neighborhood. One guy even lives just a few houses down. Fortunately, all the ones closest to us are child sex offenders, so I'm pretty sure I'm too old for them to want to assault. Regardless, my mom made me take her stun gun with me while I went for my walk. I listened to another one of my favorite bands, Gazpacho, this time. It was nice and peaceful. On my way back a dog started following and barking at me for a few yards, until its owner got it to go back to its house. I laughed as this was quite amusing. Instead of getting followed by creepy sex offenders as my mother fears, I was getting followed by a medium sized brown yapping dog. When I got home I felt refreshed, and my depression went from like a 8 down to a 6, so there was some improvement. End of Day Notes: I don’t know if I feel any different yet. But then again, it’s only the end of day 3. Any noticeable improvements seem small: the morning pranayama yoga centers and calms me for the day, I’m starting a routine which always brings a sense of accomplishment, I’m learning a few things from what I’m reading, and I’m getting better at giving encouragement or advice. So at least it’s something. P.S. I promise I’ll make this blog look pretty at some point. I could have done it today, but along with all my goals, I spent 3 hours cleaning to whole house, so I didn’t have time to work on this blog’s appearance. 

[mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog]

50 Singles Reveal The Red Flag They Shouldnt Have Ignored At The Start Of Their Relationship

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50 Singles Reveal The Red Flag They Shouldnt Have Ignored At The Start Of Their Relationship

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Cataloged in Romance

50 Singles Reveal The Red Flag They Shouldn’t Have Ignored At The Start Of Their Relationship

January Nelson Updated December 11, 2018

0

If your person displays any of these red flags mentioned on Ask Reddit, RUN.

1. “I’ve cheated on everyone I’ve ever been with. But I won’t cheat on you, you’re different.”

SURPRISE! She cheated on me.

2. Started with him not liking one of my friends. Then it moved to hating all my friends. Then it moved to hating my brother and parents. Then it went even further and transformed into wanting to get me away from them as soon as he could. He even told me once or twice that he’d kidnap me if he had to.

3. He was very proud about how good he was at manipulating people and causing them problems – up to and including costing one person her job. Justified in that he only did it to bad people who deserved it.

The problem was, it was people he determined to be deserving.

4. She was always angry about something. I loved being the person to hear her out and take her side, but soon enough, I was always the person that made her angry.

5. I had to always ask for sex, I chalked it up to him being shy… he was gay.

6. Every ex he had was described as “crazy”. I thought maybe he just had bad taste in women. 2 years later, I found out he was pilfering money from my bank account to do drugs. When I confronted him about it he broke my ribs and then played the victim while stalking me for 3 months.

7. We had a summer job painting and repairing dorm rooms. While we worked, one of us would start singing a song. If he picked the song, we would sing it together. If I picked the song, he would sing a different one on top of me until I switched to his song. This was a perfect metaphor for our entire relationship.

8. Instant gratification that was never enough;

A whole relationship of, “I need this, I REALLY need this” and as soon as she had it (I bought it); she discarded it and moved on to something else shiny she REALLY needed.

9. Unreliability, always had an excuse for everything, and never liked being held accountable.

I tried being understanding and forgiving, thinking I was taking the high road. It increasingly frustrated me until I stopped believing her when she gave her word. It was downhill from there.

Trust is a core pillar of any relationship, and if I could go back in time, I would simply tell myself to never compromise on that belief.

10. He would go on these weird rants about how controlling and unreasonable my parents were for giving me a curfew, wanting to meet him, making sure I had food and money. You know, being parents ’cause I was 17 at the time and still in school.

Guess who turned out to be completely controlling and unreasonable?

11. The swarms of people warning me about the person and how terrible they are.

12. He went into a blind range and threw me against the wall, he bawled, and apologized, over and over, told me how sorry he was. I should have known that wasn’t going to be the only time that happened. I should have left.

13. She had a boyfriend when we started dating, was not aware of this fact, but when I found out i told her to choose him or me. She broke up with him and started dating me. I learned pretty quickly that if a girl cheats with you, she will cheat on you.

14. What I thought was low emotional intelligence and lack of introspection turned out to be a complete lack of empathy and full-fledged covert narcissism.

Came to a head when I found out he’d been having sexually explicit conversations online with women, he said it was no big deal, didn’t have anything to apologize for because “why would anyone get upset about that,” and was utterly incapable of recognizing that what he thinks and feels may, perhaps, be different than what I think and feel.

15. Just that we wanted different things in life. She wanted to move to NYC and I wanted to stay in our sleepy college town near the mountains and the ocean. I think we both thought the other would change their mind, but it didn’t happen.

16. Him and I didn’t have toO many plans. Just I would go hang out with him for the day. It was normal. He got a call from one of his boys to go play some basketball. Which is fine imo, we didn’t have to much going on that day and I didn’t want to yoko.

I was his only ride there and back. I’m okay with this. I told him I would sunbathe and read a book while they played. He can have his boy time. (He knows I love my books.)

I got totally engrossed with the book while they were playing. It had only been an hour and he comes up to me and says I need to take him home.

Okay, no problem. I noticed he was upset but thought it was something do to friends. I was surprised that he left so soon.

Nope, seeing me on the grass and enjoying it made him jealous. The book was more important than him. I was so confused. I mean you can have your girl time and your boy time but when both of them kinda collide, would this be the best scenario?

17. I mean, sure, she has a boyfriend and probably shouldn’t be flirting with me so hard, but you know, that dude treats her like shit and doesn’t realize how lucky he is to have her.

I bet you can’t guess how that relationship ended four years later.

18. She told me in passing that she accidentally burned half of her ex’s kitchen while she was cooking. Didn’t think anything of it until I came home to half of my wardrobe on fire in the back yard. Looking back, I probably should have seen that coming.

19. I guess I must have really took to heart the moral of every fairy tale about how ultimately the best people are being poor and humble, so when I was a teenager and very young adult I just didn’t care if a guy was “between jobs” or had no career goals or whatever.

Guess what, ladies, that’s how you wind up dating guys who you wind up supporting while they sit on the couch and make messes they expect you to clean up.

20. He hated when I wore low-cut shirts because that meant people saw some cleavage. He literally took me to the mall to buy me a belt because he was scared my pants would fall down and people might see something. He got pissed the first time he saw me wear a skirt and tried to make me feel bad for choosing it, because he didn’t think I’d be careful enough to keep my legs closed and people might see up my skirt. I should have fucking ran way earlier than I did. Controlling behavior doesn’t stop over time, it just gets worse.

21. She had anger issues. Oh my word.

Don’t ignore that red flag, unless you want to live with someone who gets annoyed by the sound of an ambulance passing by while you are talking to them on the phone.

22. Dated a guy for about a month when he finally invited me over his place. When I showed up I noticed kids toys and he mentioned he was letting his brother and his wife and their kid stay with him. Nope. It was his brothers house and he was crashing in the spare bedroom. The Audi? Also his brothers. Designer clothes, you guess it…not his! The thing is I’m not even shallow. I wouldn’t have cared if he stayed at his bros, took the subway to work, and wore plain clothing. But why lie?

23. Treated waitresses like trash.

Made outrageous demands of my friends, treated them like servants.

Smoked pot daily, and always tried to hide it.

24. That little details in stories didn’t always add up. Any single one could be easily dismissed or laughed off. But they kept coming, and kept getting harder to ignore.

Turned out she was a compulsive liar. I hope she’s better now. I’m pretty sure the cause of this was being molested by her father (something I later surmised by adding up a bunch of clues) and desperately needing to fabricate her own reality.

25. We had mismatched libidos from the start. I convinced myself things would get better when we were married; I chalked it up to Catholic guilt. He actually became completely disinterested in sex after we got married. He had brushed me off several times while we were dating. He even went so far as to throw me out of the bed once and tell me to “take care of it myself” on more than one occasion. The signs were all there. I just ignored it.

26. Guy used to try to get my attention with little puzzles. Don’t judge him, I was into it. Also this was years ago at school and we didn’t have all you kids’ fancy shit.

So he sent over a hangman.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

It took me a while to get it for some reason despite all the vowels. The word was ‘Oedipus’.

I was his girlfriend for 4 years. I don’t know how I ever managed to ignore all the weird shit with his mum. He warned me, kind of.

27. Her habitual abuse of my wallet. She’d come to me for little things at first like her rent being due and she need a tenner or twenty to make it through the week. Some small cash for groceries or bus fare to school or an appointment. This would go from once a month to in the end multiple times a week. She’d always tell some sob story till I gave in. Later found out she always had the money, in fact she had plenty in the bank, she just didn’t want to spend her cause she was saving up for a wild party vacation with her (as it turned out not so gay) male friend.

28. Everyone in her life/past was a terrible person and screwed her over somehow.

Yeeeah, turns out she was the problem.

29. My ex would get upset with me over any contact I had with other guys, every conversation I had I needed to tell him about so he could make sure I wasn’t flirting. It was very cleverly done because he was subtle at first (definitely got scary worse after a while) and anything that I pointed out he chalked up to PTSD and being cheated on in the past.

Also he frequently bragged about having no empathy. That in itself should’ve been my “get out quick” indicator, but I had low self esteem and stuck around.

30. He liked to drink. I mean cool I like to drink too, but whenever he drinks, he drinks a lot like he’s always drunk whenever we drink. I always ended up looking after him like I’m some kind of babysitter.

31. Little lies are really significant. If someone lies about things that are really unimportant, it’s a red flag. I had an ex lie to someone about a situation we were both in together. I didn’t say anything at the time, but I planned my exit at that moment.

32. Clinginess.

Dude got legit upset whenever I had to go to work or whenever I had a prior engagement with friends. I’m talking ‘acting like you’re actually trying to neglect me instead of taking care of actual needs’ levels of upset. Like, ‘gets moody and passive aggressive because you won’t be on the phone responding immediately all the time’.

Also he proposed to me within a few months of us even knowing each other.

We’re friends, now, but with a healthy level of distance.

33. My ex didn’t like my dog. And my dog didn’t like him. Looking back, that was the first red flag I dismissed.

34. My ex-slammed the door in the face of a delivery person because he was taking too long to double check the order. I was appalled of course but didn’t think it was a big enough deal to break up with him. What I should have learned was that if he treats one person that way, he’s liable to treat those closest to him that way as well.

35. Boyfriend literally made a joke about how much he drinks on our first date.

Two years later, we realize he’s a severe alcoholic.

36. My ex husband lied constantly and was so proud of himself for pulling it off. Late for work? Took pictures off the internet of a fender bender and claimed it was him. Didn’t want to hang out with a friend? Comes up with some insane story about a sudden death in the family to get out of it last minute. Could not believe it when I just straight up told people I didn’t want to do something instead of coming up with some story to cover. We were together for ten years and when he started lying to me I noticed pretty fast, but I always thought I should have seen the warning signs.

37. He bragged that he was going to be a great lawyer as he was good at manipulating people.

He gaslit me for well over a year whilst cheating on me. Jokes on him, he flunked law school in the end.

38. Always had to be right even when wrong. Correcting me on absolutely everything to the letter and being offended when I did the same. Thought it was just competitive spirit, realized it was toxic later.

39. He always expected me to take care of things. At first I didn’t mind paying for meals and driving him around occasionally, but it got old real fast when I was also paying for his phone and our apartment.

40. The drinking. I enjoy a drink or several regularly however my ex took drinking to a higher level than I knew possible. The Red Flag was coming home to find her drinking Vodka and grape jelly. She had run out of mixers.

41. His anger issues. It started out as just him holding grudges against past friends, to getting worked up over football games, but then slowly turned into him hating my friends and family, and eventually towards me. I’m honestly lucky I wised up and left when I did, I don’t think it would have been much longer before he got physically abusive.

42. Her buying me tons of stuff and paying for things, including renting me a car when I didn’t have one so I could drive to her place, was a huge red flag that she wanted to control me. But I liked all the free stuff and she gave good blowjobs so I went in even deeper with her. Turns out, yep, she wanted to control me. A few months in she started talking about wanting to “fix” me. The obsessive behavior and the lies, my god the lies (I’m pregnant, I have cancer, etc) just got bigger and bigger.

43. He showed me pictures of his ex fiancé naked in a tub and told me “well they ARE nice pictures, right?”

I just kinda nodded and looked away. I feel so stupid for not breaking up with him at that moment.

44. He would get mad if I hadn’t seen his favorite movies. Not just like “I can’t believe you haven’t seen movie!!!” Like genuinely upset and he’d make me promise I’d watch it as if it were a condition of our being together.

The same guy told me that I’d be exactly his type of I dyed my hair black. He told me that 3 months into already dating. I knew it wasn’t optional to comply.

45. He hated his parents. This red flag is actually more of a grey flag based on a person’s reasons for said hatred. In my case, my ex hated his parents for stifling him, even though he lived off of them and relied on them to cater to his every whim. I thought it was so inspirational that he wasn’t someone who could be controlled, but later it spiraled into him turning that anger towards me. It did not end well.

46. I wasn’t the type that she normally went for. She preferred tall, white, lanky guys with blond curly hair. I’m short-ish, mixed blood brown, more stocky than lanky, and have dark wavy hair.

She continued to fawn over these preferred guys even when we were together for years. Also, we had hobbies that didn’t really overlap. I supported her in her things but she seemed indifferent to my things.

Turns out that she never really wanted me for me. I was an convenient escape from her family life. When I gave her that escape in the form of moving with her 200 miles away from them she no longer needed me. She no longer needed what I represented because her family wasn’t there to give her hell every day anymore.

She pulled away slowly more and more while I was left trying to figure out what was wrong. By this point we were together for 7 years and in the middle of planning a wedding.

She started cheating on me with, who else, but a guy is fits her preferences exactly. Also this guy was 8 years older, unemployed, no degree, no job training, and MARRIED. She knew that he was married. He knew that she was engaged. They knowingly were cheating together.

She only fessed up after I caught them together.

Seven years of my life, stolen.

47. That she didn’t clean up after herself. I didn’t realize this would be a lifelong annoyance but my wife literally won’t clean. She is 100% content sitting on the couch watching her shows while I clean. She hasn’t washed a dish since 2011.

48. He worked as a dispatcher at a police station. Never saw a problem with breaking small laws like speeding because he “knew the officers”. Years later he is in federal prison because he “knew people” and didn’t think he’d get in trouble.

49. Almost all his exes apparently were crazy…

50. For the first 2 months we dated, any time I suggested going to his place instead of mine, there was always some reason why he couldn’t do it.

Eventually discovered that he was a hoarder.

Image Credit: Kevin Laminto

is cataloged in Red Flags, Toxic Relationships, Warning signs

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[meanwhileinoz]

People On Reddit Share The Dark Secrets That Could Destroy Their Marriages

We’ve all got secrets.

Things we are afraid to tell anybody. People will judge you, especially if your secret is messed up.

That is why we have the Internet. To post our secrets anonymously, facing no criticism and getting it off our chests as well. A Reddit thread revealed people sharing their darkest secrets, which could potentially ruin their lives. Read them below:

“Years ago my gf (we’ll call deb) and I were out with her friend (we’ll call Sara). This one day Sara had to pin unlock her phone each time to take one of many pictures….out the corner of my eye I saw her pin. I saved it in a note. Months later sara and deb were at my place and went to the pool. Sara left her phone indoors. I used her password and hit jackpot. Nudes, videos, message logs with some guy she was talking (well call jeff) to, along with tons of dick picks and videos of him jacking off…

With this goldmine of pics and vids I concocted a slow plan…..very slow. Slowly I broke off with deb but kept in touch with sara. I then created a alter ego online (we’ll call it Vanessa). For months I worked this identity so it looked real. This identity started following Sara on all social media (Sara accepted any friend requests). Vanessa blackmailed jeff. Jeff was given 2 days to stop talking to sara or his dick picks got leaked. He was chicken sh*t and dropped her like a hot potato. But Sara was strong willed…when Vanessa threatened sara to stop talking to jeff or her pics get leaked she protested…so I knew I had to change tactics. Vanessa disappeared for a while until I could get Sara’s phone in my hands for a bit. One day sara was over and ‘lost’ her phone at my place. I ‘found’ it for her the next day…. Not before I installed a spy app that let me keep track of her everything. A few weeks later Vanessa came back but now armed with the conversations sara was having with everyone. While tracking Sara’s reactions and suspicions, I made it show that Vanessa wasnt real….

Now all my friends know me as being pretty tech literate. One day im talking with Sara and she breaks down crying telling me how she been long distance sexting this guy and somebody hacked his or her phone and now shes being blackmailed by some stranger she doesn’t know. So she askes me if I could help her. Long ending short I made it look like jeff was Vanessa. I made it look like he created this person so that he could blackmail Sara into f*cked up sex stuff. Sara left him and guess who was the hero? Me. I caught ‘Vanessa.’ Sara was now safe because of me. Once we blackmailed the guy, ‘Vanessa’ disappeared… You know…for realism. Sara and I now had this tragedy…this hurdle that we overcame together. We started dating not long after. She was never going back to long distance relationships and wanted to try local….4 years later were married.”

  “My father never had anything other than boys, and my mother always wanted a girl. Try as they might, they just had tons of boys. When I was 6 they adopted a girl of also 6. Everyone was pleased, and she was quickly included into the family by everyone and we all took an immediate shine to her. Especially me.

We started playing ‘doctor’ at 9. This progressed to fooling around by our early teens, and into actual sex shortly thereafter. We’re both over 30 now. We have sex whenever we see each other. We also like to pretend we are twins when we do have sex. We’ve both had our shares of girlfriends and boyfriends, but we always kept it up even while in those relationships. She’s actually married now.

We still have sex about 2 times a month, more when the family gets together for holidays. I can’t even imagine the bricks that would be sh*t if anyone ever found out. It’s been close a few times, especially when we were younger, but nobody’s ever caught on.

  #3 From a divorce lawyer who goes by TheLadyInReddit:

“Client is an elderly gentleman, some type of retired professional. His son is a pastor. Everything about his situation seemed very normal in terms of income, property, etc. However, it turns out he had a pretty serious porn hobby and he was concerned his wife might find out and use it against him in the divorce. However, as I mentioned above, I assured him that was pretty run-of-the-mill these days and unlikely to affect anything. He then asks if I feel the same knowing the porn is not ‘mainstream.’ I asked what he means and he looks very nervous. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t referencing CP, so I pushed him on it.

The guy was into goats.”

  “My friend inherited a beautiful diamond engagement ring. The stone was worth $20K. His fiance was thrilled to receive it and flaunt it. Now his wife of 25 years, it’s still one of her most precious possessions.

Only I (and you 4 million) know that she does not own the original diamond. My friend sold the stone for $15K and an equal sized, substitute diamond on the day he picked it up from being sized to fit her…

The value of the ring was learned at appraisal, and was actually appraised a bit higher. The $20K was the number he knew he could get from a wholesaler in the district. It is still insured for the higher amount. The stone that was substituted is a diamond – and I couldn’t tell the difference. The money was mostly used to clear debts.”

“I’m an atheist. I’m also a deacon in an evangelical church. I’m not exactly proud of it but I try do my part to convince people to live like Jesus because even if he wasn’t god, he certainly had some good ideas about loving other people.

The problem for me is my family. I’m married with a one kid and another on the way. I believe that such a revelation would be devastating for my wife. I’ve tried to tell her in subtle ways but I can’t bring myself to just come out and say the truth. I love my wife and I don’t wish to harm her emotionally in that way.”

  “I am a gay man married to a woman who has no idea I am gay.

How is my life? It’s great. It’s pleasant. I have two beautiful children who I love more than anything. I have a successful job and a lovely home. My wife is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. So that is my life.

Myself, however, the way I feel inside is not so good. I feel disgusted with who I am. Growing up in a Catholic household had me living in fear of being banished by my family for revealing my sexuality. That’s not something I’m afraid will happen, that is something that is a well known fact in my family. I would love more than anything to be honest to everyone. I am a coward though…

As ridiculous as it sounds I thought that getting married and settling down etc would make these feelings I had about being gay go away. Before meeting her I was constantly struggling with the fact that I might be gay. My upbringing made me believe that being gay was wrong and so I always tried to convince myself that that’s not who I was. For awhile it worked. I think I wanted so bad to be straight that I just made myself believe I was. I got married to my wife at 23 and for a short time after our wedding I was relieved. I thought ‘Yes, I knew it. I knew I just had to find someone who would clear all this up for me!’ That just came crashing down. We started having sex more to try and get pregnant and that caused me realise [sic] that I am a gay man. I’m not remaining in the closet because I’m too scared of my wife’s reaction. In fact she would probably be the most forgiving. I have decided not to come out because of my family. I’m not exaggerating when I say that they will disown me. They wouldn’t think twice about it. I wouldn’t be happy. I would be lost. Now that I have children that just scares me even more. I wouldn’t ser [sic] them much at all and that’s not an option for me… There are many things I wish I had done differently but I do not regret any of my choices because they’ve all led me to where I am today. My son and daughter are these amazing little people. I live in a great house with a loving and sweet little family. Our marriage (sham marriage as some people have pointed out) is a good one despite my sexuality. Our marriage is healthier than some that I know about and hear about. I have accepted that I may never come out and I’ve learnt to be okay with that. I will consider going to therapy too. This is the most I have ever talked about it. Up until now I have not told a soul and so I have really swept everything under the rug. It is amazing what you can block out if you really try.”

  “I once helped out my a female friend’s family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend’s diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.”

  “I have lesbian sex with my best friend about once a month. Neither of us say anything to our husbands. We drink a good bottle of wine, get tipsy, get nasty, and fall asleep. When we wake up, we laugh, kiss, and go about our lives.”

“No ones going to probably find this comment, but I have an addiction to prostitutes. I can’t control myself. I’m also married and my wife has no idea. I spent $2000 on our credit card while she was overseas for 3 weeks. I lied and told her that I had a gambling problem, that’s why I spent so much. Little does she know, I was bringing hookers home.”

  “I’m a guy with a foot fetish. And I -never- told my wife even though she has amazing feet. BUT it gets worse – I have a weird twist to my foot fetish. I’m really into ‘pedal pumping’ (i guess that’s the closest way to describe it) and I’m mortified to tell her or anyone else, and never have. When I was a little kid we spent a LOT of time at church during the week for mom’s choir practice and there was a decent looking piano player lady who would kick off her shoes and play the piano barefoot. And even though I knew nothing of my sexuality, I remember Saturday afternoons, being up on the stage/pulpit during boring choir practice, laying on the carpet, playing with Matchbox cars and trying not to make it seem glaringly obvious that I was transfixed watching this lady’s bare foot pushing on that piano pedal…

I was totally transfixed, and it continues to this day. Women playing pianos, organs, driving barefoot, using a sewing machine barefoot. My fantasies usually always involve me imagining myself as the pedal, and the woman has a sexy bare, nylon, or sock clad foot. If it’s a smelly foot even better. I feel guilty and stupid to this day. Why on earth would a fetish like that develop when I was a prepubescent kid?”

  “When i was in 8th grade i fell in love with my girlfriend. I never thought it would be possible for someone so young could have such strong feelings. The relationship didn’t last more than three months because my mom and step-dad divorced and i had to move. I thought about her every day since i moved away. I met another person and have been married for 20 years now. I have four kids and have no complaints about my wife. Five years ago through social media i was able to correspond with 8th grade girlfriend. It turns out that she still has feelings for me too. I have been faithful to my wife for our entire marriage but want more than anything to be with my first love.”

http://ift.tt/2xOOyzD

[joegoodman94]

London is shit

Found this on my computer from one of the days I was apparently feeling a little ungenerous towards our noble capital. You might have noticed my repertoire of thought trains is quite limited, it seems I have a pretty impressive knack for bringing all my blogs around to pretty much the same thing said in a slightly different way.

(TLDR: My theory is, and I don’t take to theories lightly, but my theory is London used to be great and its only got shit recently and the people who are affected by it being shit the most are the young people who don’t have anything to compare it to so they don’t realise how shit it is. Right now here’s my evidence for that theory. 1. When I was a kid it looked like everyone was having a great time in London and I couldn’t wait to be an adult and move there. 2. Something to do with celebrities being dumb…OK let’s start with 1)

O god London is shit. Full of shit places and shit people and physical shit a lot of the time on physical actual surfaces. If you’re not full in the swing of deluding yourself that London’s great by virtue of having to live there right now, or you happened to live there before it got shit and so can almost see through the caked on turds, or I don’t know, your family live there and so you can continue your sheltered bubble double life from within the four corners of your mothers vagina, well then you’re one of the ones that hate London. Good. I’m with you. An escapee, an escapologist, an evacuee, shuttled out of the smogopopolis on the back of a freight train, waving farewell to platform 9 and three quarters (it’s not a real platform, you’re queuing to stand next to a wall) to huddle in a school gymnasium somewhere in Somerset wearing a pinafore that barely covers my knees.

Why is London shit though? Why is London literally the worst place that I have ever had to live out of the three or four places I have done that? Why, if asked to describe London in terms of a festival I am forced to recall Reading circa 2009 when a group of boys who finished sixth form the year before murdered a cow to get into yellow field and are starting a ring of fires around a disabled girl they’re calling Thundertwat because she had the gall to bring an umbrella to a three day music festival forecast for rain. “Thudertwat and lightning, very very frightening”. Why does London remind me of that?

Because apparently it didn’t used to be like that. You hear stuff all the time about London back in the day. About warehouse raves and housing for under 300 pounds a month and a sense of community existing outside of the pseudo-world of university halls. Normally when you hear about that stuff you can assume it was in the 80’s with the rise of Punk or the 90’s and ecstasy raving. But this wasn’t our parents or our parents-parents generation, this wasn’t 50 years ago, it was 10.

There’s no amount of inflation adjustment that can explain how a room in Peckham can go from 220 a month to 600 in the space of a decade. Even if you live in a nowhere part of London (and I lived in Brockley for a year), your cheapest single shoebox will still leave you a tidy 500 pounds out of pocket when pay day next comes around. Spending anything less than two thirds of your salary on a mouldy grotto isn’t an option for anyone who hasn’t committed themselves wholely and completely to the immediately monetiseable task at hand. This is a city for full time labourers: deliver-fucking-oo you can eat my poo.

Ten years ago, it was the young people of London that I looked up to. It’s not cool to admit it now but it was the hand-to-mouth creatives that brought glo-sticks and skinny jeans to a party of pop hedonists that I admired: designing t-shirts to sell from a pop-up stall on the floors of their bedrooms. Starting an electro band with some guys from the pub for a laugh. Meeting a friend of a friend at an NME gig and getting a screen test for channel 4 the next day. And if you couldn’t do any of that, you just brought a camera with you next time you went to the pub and you were for all the world the next Cobrasnake.

Now I’m sure it wasn’t as easy and glamorous as all that. And like all teenagers of their time it’s difficult not to glamourise the generation that preceded you. But I can’t help but feel this really was London’s last generation. The last generation where it was possible for young people to forge their own paths in music, fashion, TV, journalism, bolstering one another over the fence from within a safe network of cognates. The last generation where your community’s focal point of contact was IRL, a place where you could form a unitary cultural community, start trends in reality not on twitter. A time when fashion didn’t have to be derivative, compared to today with our noughties resurgences and the existential threat our desire for new trends might actually overtake our ability to inspire them.

I mean just look at our celebrities. Gone are the YBAs, squatting their way into Saatchi’s annals of providence. Gone are the Camden set, the Winehouses and Brands and Dohertys and Fieldings, day-dreamers that were able to thrive in London for years before they struck gold. Now the pavements have been smoothed over, the bohemians replaced by gourmet burger chains. Instead we have the Chelsea set, the Delevignes and Waterhouses, celebrities that were already rich before they were famous and good-looking before anything else. Or perhaps it’s the star of a Hollywood music video, fetishizing the symbolism of the London working class in order to paint its protagonist as a bohemian outcrop. If it wasn’t for grime, London’s closest facsimile of culture would at this point be X factor judge and Eurovision hopeful, Rita Ora.

At best we have produced a poor imitation of the culture that preceeded us, at worst we are devoid of culture. The whole world is gone now. The clubs are shut, the squats torn down. The cheap flats are now the extremely expensive flats, the cheap pubs the same. The photographers that once photographed their friends because they couldn’t do anything else now shoot the same friends for the cover of Vogue. The T-shirt makers got their own lines, the bands their own tours. Vice, the magazine that had chronicled all this, moved online, tried to become a bit more serious. The same writers that had traded in a currency of being “friends with the band” saw their world evaporate, found themselves in an office with exposed brickwork rehashing stories from reddit. A more optimistic columnist might use the euphemism post-culture, but it means the same thing, youth culture in London is dead. Lost in the heaps of branded sportswear, on wavy garms or watsapp, appropriating the symbolism of generations past, too isolated and insecure to forge their own paths.