#but I still have to figure out how to navigate this fuck of a world

[carcharadroid]

Starting my MS medication tomorrow. :') Trying not to freak out too much and largely failing.

Uuuhhhhh reactions to said medication could be anything from "kinda sleepy" to "flu-like symptoms" to "I am literally not able to get out of bed because my legs stopped working, get back to me in a week or few"

Not actually expecting that last one lmao but still. There is a chance higher than zero that I won't really be,, available to chat much at all this month while I deal with my loading doses of this stupid medicine

[eldritchamy]

I think I've figured out a good way to articulate one of the reasons Human Domestication Guide is hitting for me in a way really not much else has done for a long time.

HDG is an inverse fandom.

Whereas a lot of fanfiction (maybe just for the sake of the pun we can expand outwards, wink, and call them "transformative works") takes at the core of its nature a specific character or group of characters, and then transplants (sorry, I had to) those characters into Alternate Universes in order to keep telling altered, revised, and original stories with those CHARACTERS, while changing everything else, HDG does the opposite.

It takes the SETTING as the core defining feature, and creates original CHARACTERS in order to tell original stories.

And that's really cool for reasons that, of course, ended up becoming another gigantic one of Amy's Patented Infodump Posts.

Most fanfiction gets to appeal to its audience because of the associations and attachments readers have for the CHARACTERS, and then create a new story from there without having to spend time setting up WHO THE STORY IS ABOUT for you. I don't say this as a bad thing, that's just the attraction. The readers bring their attachment to the characters WITH them before they start reading.

HDG gets to assume you understand the SETTING as a basic premise, and then tell new stories with original characters without having to hold your hand through as much of the set up work, because you already know the SETTING going in.

So instead of discovering how the characters you know relate to a world you don't (and to each other within that context), you get stories where you get to discover who the characters ARE, in the context of a world you already understand.

It's not "what does a different setting do to these characters." It's "how do different people navigate this setting."

You get to meet and learn and identify with the CHARACTERS because you see how they as unique people react to a set premise.

So much of what I've read so far has done exceptional work establishing who the characters are, even making MINOR characters within the story feel like fleshed out people.

You'd think in a setting that takes at face value the premise of humanity being subjugated and doted on by a species that uses mind control drugs to turn them into docile, obedient pets, the stories would struggle a bit with sameness as the individuality of the characters failed to shine through or were inevitably suppressed over the course of the plot.

In practice, it seems like almost the OPPOSITE is true.

The Affini always win. But every character chooses to lose to them in a different way that speaks to who they are as people.

Getting to explore these unique stories through the eyes of unique characters seems like it's making it EASIER to latch on to what makes THESE characters the focus of the stories being told.

And so far the stories being told are fucking great, and have such a huge range to them.

The original story for the setting is a VERY non consensual medfet/drug play subjugation story where Elvira (captain of a ship for the Free Terran feralist rebellion) is ABSOLUTELY brought into domestication by force (at first), and we get to see the PROCESS of her being broken down and becoming something new over the course of (what we later learn has been ONLY) about three weeks. She's not the same person she was at the start of the story. At all. She's been utterly replaced by a new identity and personality that the old version of her would never have accepted. (Also it's kinda hot that it's actually good for her, and that she very much DOES end up happier for it. She's still Elvira. But she's safe, and she's loved.)

That's a pretty specific vibe for a story.

But the next story I read in the setting takes place over the course of several hours in-universe, and basically follows a dysfunctional, clearly neurodivergent woman stagnating in the limbo of having been failed by capitalism (or in her mind, failing at it) and having mixed feelings about the staggeringly powerful alien civilization that is currently part way through conquering her planet and its people.

The story starts off when she's so hungry after scraping through what scant, nutritionless garbage she was able to find in the capitalist dystopia that it finally overrides her fear, and she goes to the border of Affini-controlled territory in her city. She figures, they're going to do whatever they're going to do to the rest of the city within a few days anyway, so there's no sense pretending whatever outcome she's walking into wasn't inevitable, and even if it's not as good as the Affini promise, at least it's not what she's been stuck in. Fear of sameness finally becomes more traumatic than fear of change.

She proceeds to go on an adorable lesbian grocery date with a 10 foot tall plant that gently flirts with her while remaining very firm that all of this human's needs CAN and SHOULD and WILL be taken care of FOR her from now on, and it's OKAY that she has trouble focusing because it's OKAY that some people need more help than others.

She spends several chapters experiencing repeated Lesbian Bluescreens because of this sweet, doting alien who insists it's no trouble at all and she's happy to help. Then said alien takes her back to her apartment on the human side to make sure she feels safe getting there through the anti-Affini protests, and then in a matter of minutes she has cleaned this girl's entire disaster of an apartment and promised to cook her a nice Terran pizza.

Then the girl has a lesbian panic attack while coming to terms with how much misery she didn't have to be living with, and whether this future isn't exactly what she always hoped for and more, so the alien offers to give her some alien drugs to calm her down, and her now fuzzy brain accidentally crumbles under the weight of all the secret petplay fantasies that have been turning her face red all morning and she accidentally calls the alien "Mistress", and then she goes home to THEIR place back in Affini territory with her new owner and gets absolutely spoiled until she falls asleep feeling safe and loved for the first time in her life.

COMPLETE tonal shift from the original story, but the LOGIC of the story is fully consistent with the setting. It's just a different character responding to that setting in a different way.

The range of what's possible is ENORMOUS.

I went from there to "two humans captured at different times struggle to find their way back to each other and end up with neural implants plugged into each other's brains by their shared Mistress, and the feedback loop helps them domesticate EACH OTHER" and then from there to a mostly historical context story about an Affini who lived for almost 300,000 years and how she feels about the Compact's role in everything they've done to the universe.

And then I got to read "I have to pretend to be a good little floret maid at an Affini Compact hotel because that's my Genius Spy Cover WHOOPS it turns out being a maid means getting teased and played with a lot WHOOPS, OHHhhh NOOOoo~ I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A FREE USE HYPNO DOLL because EVERYONE KNEW I WAS A SPY THE WHOLE TIME, I'm going to resolve my mixed feelings by erotically betraying my co-conspirator so we can be floret girlfriends together," which was cute, funny, and INCREDIBLY hot.

Seriously, chapter 10 of that story. Holy FUCK. I think my brain has turned fully inside out. I had a DREAM kinda like it afterwards that I wish I could remember more of.

I guess my point is HDG is less like a fandom and more like DND.

It's a shared universe of collaborative storytelling, even if any individual work within it was made by one person.

You get to play within a core set of rules for how the setting works, but the stories that can come out of playing by those rules are so incredible and diverse and interesting, and I'm really enjoying getting to explore all of that within the context of a basic premise that has absolutely grabbed most of my kinks by the throat, stared menacingly into my eyes, and smirked knowingly.

Also it's INCREDIBLY queer and very obviously made specifically for gay autistic trans women who take progesterone, so I guess just like the rest of the little Terrans, I never stood a chance.

[md-intermission-archive]

"Murder Drones: Intermission": A Story of Understanding

Uzi Doorman: Understanding Loneliness

I feel like during the development of this episode, Uzi was the hardest character for me to wrap my head around. To my understanding, she’s feisty, angsty, and plays up this persona of being apathetic. A sort of lone wolf thing.

She’s snappy towards her classmates who ostracize her, snappy towards adults in her life, and overall gives a middle finger to anyone who isn’t on Team Uzi. It’s a very “me vs. the world” type of thing. That, to me, just felt like the callous shell of someone who’s painfully fragile and has been hurt so often.

I will admit, I may be projecting slightly, but I honestly read her as like… a neurodivergent kid who didn’t know how to navigate social circles, so she just became incredibly bitter. Her father didn’t help her situation at all because he also treated her like a freak, literally calling her a disappointment in his business ads. Then on top of all that she had no mother figure to look up to. All of this accumulates into a habit of isolation. “No one will love me, so fuck it. I’m on my own”. She acts like she’s fine on her own, when in reality she’s so starved for genuine connection. With that in mind, in Intermission I wanted to peel back those layers a little bit. I wanted to explore self-isolation and that hunger for love. 

Some people clocked this I think: the way Uzi’s attitude is toned down in Intermission. I didn’t want to play up her angsty teen act as much (and I capped her at one “bite me”) because then I’d risk falling into the trap of making her into a caricature of herself. The way I framed her in my head is “if she wants connection, then she’d be happier around people who she sees as her friends. If she’s also fragile though, she’ll make an immediate 180 at the slightest hint of meanspiritedness”. This was the guideline I gave myself when it came to bouncing her off of V and N. N melts her icy demeanor. He’s very gentle and encouraging with her. One example being how N kneeled down to her eye level when speaking to her when she was putting up her walls again. As someone who’s constantly ostracized, she needs a gentle touch in order to relax.

I made sure to keep that in mind, that while she was being treated gently, she should show more signs of happiness. Comfort. Part of that comfort is also reflected in being mischievous/playful. As for the 180 she makes if shown any sort of cruelty, that’s reflected in acts of self-isolation. 

This is something I’ve observed from myself and people in my life. If someone is already deathly afraid of rejection, they won’t reach out for help and their immediate instinct will be to isolate. In the beginning of the EP when Uzi’s having her Solver flare up her immediate thought is “I’m going to put up a firewall (repress) and just not even mention this to anybody”. Then when N offers to help, she still shows signs of being uncomfortable because she’s not used to it. It isn’t until V’s comment calling her a lost cause irks her that she decides “screw it let’s give it a shot”. She hates being underestimated, so this reaction made sense to me. Meanwhile the climax of the episode is where I wanted the most overt display of her fears to be presented.

As I said earlier, Uzi’s sensitive to rejection. She attacked the only people in her life who care about her, and the worst part was it wasn’t even her fault. Uzi is a person who really wants a sense of control over her life for the sake of security, so that loss of control and the idea of “oh my god they hate me now” was the final straw for her. So, she isolated. She ran off (or in this case, flew off), she barricaded herself, and she cried.

During the scene when Uzi's found, I had a bit of an issue figuring out where to go from there with her. I had two options: I could once again lean into her badass persona and have her fight back, or I could have her fold. I decided the latter. To her, she just lost the only people who cared about her, she's a monster to worker drone society, her father doesn't care about her.

What's the point. She's doomed to be alone.

If V didn't have her revelation, Uzi would've let herself die. While I understand that's an upsetting choice to make in the narrative, given Uzi's circumstances it felt like the appropriate reaction. Which is why the events following were so important.

While Uzi's at her lowest point she's shown pinch of kindness.

While it’s true V’s initial intention was to off Uzi, her showing compassion and sympathy was what helped calm Uzi down. Rather than making her put up walls like V usually does, V was able to break through them a tad. That interaction, N pouncing at her with a hug, and the final scene was meant to cement in Uzi’s head that she finally wasn’t alone (even if V still struggled to not be prickly with her). The three are still incredibly messy, but there’s that sense of trust that Uzi now has people in her life that actually care about her despite her messiness. The mischievous attitude even comes out when she says, “you found a nanospark of warmth in your heart to care about me”. She now feels more comfortable with V to an extent, and she finally has a support system.

I think…the reason why I love Uzi so much is that she’s sadly reflects the experience of what it's like not being able to fit into society's mold of acceptable. Even if she might not be neurodivergent, the bullying and isolation she experiences is very familiar. I wanted to do her justice as much as I could with that all in mind and with the resources I had. I wanted to give her one happy ending to a day when every other feels like utter hell.

The angsty teen may be badass, but her heart is still fragile.

[hvseung]

back to campus (l. hs)

pairing: heeseung x female!reader

genre: enemies who fuck, one shot, pwp

warnings: explicit smut, public sex, profanity, passing out, jealous and possessive behaviour, minors DNI!

wc: 5k

.｡.:*:.:**:.☆*.｡.:*:.:*.｡.:*:.:**:.☆*.｡.:*:.:*

Under the dim glow of streetlights, Heeseung glided effortlessly across the smooth pavement, the cool night air nipping at his cheeks. Tonight, the streets were unusually quiet, save for the rhythmic hum of his skateboard and the occasional distant car passing by. As he rounded a corner, his eyes caught sight of someone ahead, completely absorbed in their phone, oblivious to the world around them.

He almost instinctively rolled his eyes as he recognised the figure to be you, caught in the glow of your screen, navigating the deserted pathway with unwavering focus. Heeseung's brow furrowed slightly as he slowed his pace, watching from a distance. Despite the longstanding rivalry that simmered between the two of you, a flicker of concern tugged at him. He knew this hour held its own dangers, especially for a woman walking alone.

Heeseung hesitated, debating whether to call out a warning or simply skate past. The decision loomed as he stood there, contemplating their unexpected intersection in the nocturnal stillness of the streets.

"What the fuck are you doing out here?" He calls, causing you to flinch, quickly turning on your heel to face him. As soon as you meet his gaze, you roll your eyes.

"What the fuck are you doing out here?" You sourly retort back. Heeseung lifts his skateboard into view, signalling his actions for being out so late at night.

"Skating," he said dryly, raising an eyebrow. "What's your excuse?"

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. "Not that it's any of your business, but I'm walking home."

"At this hour?" Heeseung asked, his skepticism clear. "Where were you?"

"Not that it's any of your business" you repeated, turning to walk away. Heeseung kicked off the ground, gliding to keep pace with you.

"You're so stubborn" He mutters, his voice edging with irritation "Why do you have to be so difficult all the time, it's no wonder you cant get along with anyone"

"Because I don't need you to look out for me. Who are you? My dad?" You quicken your pace, hoping he'd take the hint and leave you alone, but he only speeds up, his skateboard clattering against the pavement.

"No, I'm not your damn dad. But I can't just let you walk around outside of campus this late at night. Youre such an idiot." He scolded, keeping up with you effortlessly

"Stop following me. You look like a desperate pervert." Your back was still turned to him, but he quickly swerves infront of you. You to abruptly stop as he blocks your path, towering over you.

He looks down at you with narrowing eyes and his jaw clenches "I'm not going anywhere until I make sure you get back to campus safely, so shut your smart mouth and start walking"

"And im supposed to believe that? What do you really want? Spit it out." You fold your arms, firmly stood in your spot. Heeseung rolled his eyes, annoyed with your stubbornness. He crosses his arms, mirroring your pose and looking down at you with a mix of irritation and... something else in his eyes.

"I'm trying to make sure you're safe, idiot," He said gruffly. "Is that so hard to believe? I may not like you, but I can't just let you walk around out here late at night by yourself."

You meet his gaze, desperate to challenge him, but as the night draws on and sleep begins to catch up with you, you decide against it. "Fine."

Heeseung smirked slightly, enjoying the fact that he had won this little battle of wills. He pushed his skateboard out from under his feet and kicked it up, catching it in his hand. "Finally, you learned how to cooperate," He said, starting to walk beside you. "I can't believe you were going to walk back to the campus by yourself. What were you thinking?"

You both walked side by side in silence for a few moments, the only sound was the quiet rustle of the night air. Heeseung glanced at you from the corner of his eye, his mind working on something. "You know, you never answered my question," he said suddenly, breaking the silence. "Where were you that you're coming back so late?"

"A friend's." You say dryly, trying to keep communication to a minimum.

Heeseung raised an eyebrow at your vague answer, sensing that there was something more to the story. "A friend's...?" he repeated, his tone skeptical. "What kind of friend? A boyfriend?"

"Wouldn't you like to know..." You smirk, scoffing lowly.

His jaw clenches involuntarily at your smirk. A sudden wave of possessiveness shot through him. The thought of you with someone else, especially a boyfriend, irritated him more than he cared to admit. "Yeah, I would like to know," he said gruffly, trying to keep his cool. "So answer the damn question."

"I was at Sunghoons house. Happy?" You smile sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

Heeseungs eyes widened slightly in surprise at the mention of Sunghoon's name, a pang of jealousy clenching at his chest. "Sunghoon?" he repeated, his voice laced with annoyance. "What the hell were you doing at his place this late at night?"

"You know, for someone who 'hates my guts'," you quote his past words with your fingers "you sure want to know a lot about me, dont you?"

Heeseung's eyes narrowed, his irritation only growing at your sarcastic remark. He clenched his jaw, trying to reign in his emotions, but your sassy attitude was getting under his skin. He let out a frustrated huff. "It's called concern, smartass. I don't need to hate you to want to know that you're safe."

He continued to walk, his steps increasingly aggressive as he tried to tamp down the jealousy that was brewing in his chest. The thought of you with anyone, especially someone like Sunghoon, made him more than just irritated. "So spill, Princess, what were you doing at Sunghoon's place?"

Your head snaps at the nickname, your face contorting into what can only be described as pure disgust "Do not call me that. And its none of your fucking business"

A cruel smirk tugged at the corner of his lips as he noticed your reaction to the pet name. He had hit a nerve and he reveled in it. He takes a step closer to you, towering over you. "Oh, what's the matter, Princess? Don't like that nickname, hm?" He taunted, his voice low and mockingly sweet.

You stopped walking, turning to face him. "What is your problem? You're just pissing me off on purpose now."

Heeseung chuckled darkly as you stopped and turned back to him. He takes a step closer, closing the gap between you and him, until he's standing so close that you have to tilt your head back to meet his eyes properly. "Oh, Princess, you have no idea. I haven't even started to piss you off yet."

He takes another step, his body now mere inches away from yours. He leans down, his breath hot against your ear. "And trust me, I can do a lot worse than just call you Princess."

"Fuck you." You spit, attempting to walk away again, but Heeseungs hand closes around your wrist like a vice, stopping you from walking away. He yanks you back, his grip tight and unyielding. "Oh no, you're not going anywhere." He spins you around, pinning you against the wall, his body pressing against yours.

"What the fuck?"

"Tell me what you were doing at Sunghoons house" His gaze is firm

"What? Are you jealous?" You smirk at him mockingly.

Heeseungs breath catches in his chest as your mocking smirk digs under his skin, making his frustration flare. "Jealous? Me? Of some idiot like Park Sunghoon?" he scoffs, but his voice lacks its usual confidence. "Don’t flatter yourself."

"Then why do you wanna know? Hm? Your practically itching to know what me and Sunghoonie were up to." You coo with a shit eating smirk playing on your lips.

His jaw clenches at the sound of the pet name you've given Sunghoon, his hands balling into fists at his sides. "I just... just..." His voice trails off, struggling to come up with a reasonable response. He hates the effect you have on him, the way you can disarm him so easily.

"Yeah, thats what I thought," you smirk "Seungie is jealous"

Heeseung grits his teeth, your smugness only fueling his frustration further. "Shut up," he snaps, his eyes narrowing. "I'm not jealous, damnit." His body presses against you, trapping you against a wall. He leans in closer, his face now inches away from yours, his breath hot against your skin. "I just... I just don't want you around another guy. Especially not him."

You groan as my back hits the cold brick wall. "As if you're in any position to want things like that."

Heeseung's fingers dig into your waist as he pins you against the wall, his eyes locking with yours in a challenging stare. "And why not?" He retorts, his voice gruff and annoyed. "Why am I not in a position to want that?"

"Because I cant fucking stand you." You spit.

Heeseungs jaw clenches at your blunt honesty, his grip on your waist tightens, his fingers digging into your skin. "But that doesn't change the fact that you being with Sunghoon- or any other guy- pisses me off." He closes the remaining distance between you, his body fully pressed against yours. His head dips down, his lips hovering just above your ear, his voice a low, hot whisper. "You shouldn't be with him, Princess. You should be with me."

"Heeseung what the fuck are you-"

He cuts you off, his patience running thin. He grips your chin firmly, forcing you to meet his gaze. "Shut up and listen," he snaps, his voice harsh but edged with a hint of something else. "I'm tired of pretending to hate you. I'm tired of pretending that I don't care. Because the truth is, I do care. I care way too much."

"What are you even talking about? Do you hear yourself right now?!" Your in complete disbelief. Where the fuck is this all coming from?

Heeseung groans in frustration, clearly struggling with his own emotions. He releases your chin and steps back, raking a hand through his hair. "I'm talking about the fact that I can't stop thinking about you. The fact that I can't stand the thought of you with someone else, especially Sunghoon. The fact that I'm so damn jealous of anyone who gets your attention. You drive me crazy."

Your brain short circuits, not being able to keep up with his wavering emotions. But also because it cant keep up with your wavering emotions. Your constant up and down battle with yourself as he spills his secrets. "Heeseung-"

"Just... just be honest with me," he says, his hands twitching at his sides, aching to touch you again. He takes a tentative step closer, closing the space between you again, his voice lower now, almost pleading. "Tell me you feel something too. Tell me I'm not crazy for wanting this... for wanting you."

At this point, you cant even deny it. You would be lying if you said you didn't feel the same, and you would be lying even more if you said you hadn't felt this way for months. You don't know what it is about him. You cant stand him, thats not a lie. But he's just so... tempting? If thats even the right word to uss. "You're not... you're not crazy."

As soon as the words leave your lips, his restraint snaps. Heeseung closes the distance between you again, his lips crashing into yours in a desperate, hungry kiss. His arms wrap around your waist, pulling you against him, his body pressed tightly against yours.

You cant help but moan against his lips, kissing him back with just as much need and desperation. His grip on you tightens as he feels your moan against his lips, his tongue darting into your mouth. He deepens the kiss, devouring you like a man starved. His hands wander across your body, needing to touch as much of you as possible.

He pushes you back against the wall, his lips never leaving yours. His body presses against you, his body heat and the hard planes of muscles pressed against your chest. One of his hands tangles in your hair, holding your head in place as he kisses you with a possessiveness that surprises even him. He pulls away for a brief moment, panting as he looks at you, his eyes dark and filled with an intense desire.

"You're mine," he says, his voice rough and possessive. "You hear me? Mine. I won't let anyone else touch you." He captures your lips again, his kiss bruising and demanding. He pushes one of his legs between your thighs, pressing his body even tighter against yours, wanting to feel every inch of you.

You gasp at the sudden contact against your sensitive core. "Heeseung-"

He growls at the sound of his name on your lips, the desire only growing stronger. He breaks the kiss, his lips moving to your neck, leaving a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses down the sensitive skin. His hands slide down your body, gripping your hips possessively as he nips and sucks at your neck. He grinds his leg against your pussy, a shudder going through his body as he feels how needy you are for him.

You tip your head back, softly moaning, completely oblivious to the fact that you're still in public. Heeseung notices you tipping your head back, the sound of your moan shooting straight to his groin, making his mind go fuzzy. He nips at your neck, his teeth scraping against your skin, leaving small, red marks in their wake. "God, the sounds you make..." he growls, his voice rough and strained, "You're driving me crazy, Princess."

Your lips silently part as his knee brushes against your clit, making your hips stutter. Heeseung can't help but smirk, his dominant nature taking over. He grabs your hip with one hand, pressing you back against the wall, his body fully pinning you to the spot. His other hand slides up to your hair, gripping it and tilting your head back.

"You like that?" he growls, his words punctuated by another grind of his knee against your sensitive skin. He leans down, his lips just millimeters from your ear, his breath hot against your skin. "You're so fucking eager, aren't you? So desperate for my touch."

You nod eagerly, practically whimpering as you reach down to grip the lining of his shirt to keep yourself grounded. The sound of a passing car pulls you out of your haze, finally remembering your surroundings and just how public this was.

He chuckles at your eagerness, the sight of you whimpering and grasping at his shirt only adding fuel to the fire. But then he too is pulled out of the moment as the sound of a passing car hits his ears.

He hesitates for a second, knowing they should stop and find a more private place, but the sight of you, flushed and wanting, makes it increasingly difficult to pull away. Heeseung grabs your elbow firmly and drags you around the corner into a dimly lit alleyway. The alley was barely visible from the street, ensuring them some much-needed privacy. It wasn't common that people would come down this alley way as it serves practically no purpose, but in the rare case that it were to happen, we were pretty much unnoticeable in the shadows.

His body presses yours against a cool brick wall, taking a moment to look at you, his eyes running over your flushed face, your heaving chest, your parted lips. His hands grip your hips tightly, lifting you up off the ground, forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist to keep your balance.

Unlike you, Heeseung was thanking the gods that you wore a skirt today, making it so much easier to grind his growing buldge against your clothed pussy, the friction causing his eyes to shut tightly as he lets out a low, guttural moan. He leans down, his lips moving to your neck, his teeth nipping and sucking at the skin, determined to leave his mark on you.

You let out a small whimper, wrapping your arms around his shoulder to keep your balance as you roll your hips against his. Thats when he decides, he needs to taste you.

Heeseungs eyes lock with yours, a feral glint in them, as he puts you down. He sinks to his knees in front of you, his hands sliding up your thighs and shoving your skirt over hour ass as they go.

His teeth nip at the inside of your thighs, causing you to whine his name, pushing his hair back to make eye contact with him. He grins against your skin at the sound of his name on your lips, the feeling going straight to his already aching groin. His tongue traces a line up your inner thigh, his hands gripping your hips to keep you from moving away. He takes his sweet time, his tongue and teeth trailing over every inch of skin, determined to taste and touch as much of you as possible. He hums against your skin, the vibration sending shivers through your body.

"Heeseung- please." You whine, your lips jutting out into a small pout. He looks up, noticing the growing wet patch in the center of your panties. He licks his lips, hooking his fingers under your waistband of your underwear before pulling them down, revealing your glistening pussy.

"Fuck baby. Is this all for me?" He groans, his eyes practically devouring you. He leans forward, his lips ghosting over your core, watching as globs of wetness pour out. He moves even closer, his hot breath mixing with the cold air, the contrast making your skin prick with goosebumps.

He lifts a singular finger, rubbing it between your folds and collecting your wetness, before bringing it to his mouth and sucking it clean, moaning at the taste of you against. He grips at one of your thighs, hoisting it over his shoulder before pulling you down to sit on his face, his tongue darting out to part your folds.

He wraps his arms around your thighs, holding you in place as his tongue starts to explore, licking and tasting as much as he can. His hands grip your thighs, his grip tight and almost possessive, as if he's afraid you'll slip away from him. You whine loudly, balling his hair between your fists.

"Fuck." You whine, tipping your head back as he sucks and licks at your pussy. He grins against you as he hears your curse, the sound massively swelling his ego. He doubles his efforts, his tongue working quicker and harder as it flicks in and out of your aching hole, his nose brushing against your clit, trying to take you apart with just his mouth.

You cry out loudly, your fingers ripping at his scalp. He hisses, the sound transforming into a deep moan as the pain only serves to fuel the fire burning inside him. He feels you clench around his tongue, the sensation nearly driving him over the edge. He can tell you're close, the way your hips are rolling against his mouth, spreading your wetness around his chin.

He harshly sucks at your clit and then pulls away just before you're able to reach your peak, a wicked grin on his face. "You didn't really think I was going to let you cum that easily, did you?" He laughs dryly.

"No no- please Heeseung. I was so close." You whine loudly, feeling your release painfully slipping away from you.

He stands up, grinning down at you, amused by the desperate tone in your voice. He leans down, his lips just centimeters from your ear, his breath hot against your skin "Oh, sweetheart, I know you were close. That's why I stopped."

"You're a fucking asshole." You spit breathlessly. "Just can't help yourself, can you?"

He smirks, knowing you have absolutely no idea whats coming. He leans closer, his voice low and rough. "You have no idea, princess. I haven't even started yet."

He pulls you further into the alley, bending you over a nearby car. He pushes your chest against the bonnet, pulling your hips back to press against his very obvious boner. Your breath catches in your throat as you feel his clothed dick prodding against your core.

"You have no fucking idea how bad I want you right now." He groans, rolling himself against you. "Now be a good girl and stay still. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes." You say meekly, nodding eagerly.

"Yes who?" He spits

"Yes sir." You whine, rubbing yourself against his bulge, desperate for any sort of friction.

He grins at the sound of your submission, his grip on your hip tightening just a little bit as he hums in approval. "Good girl."

He grins at the sight of you obediently waiting, his hands moving to his pants, unbuckling the belt and slowly pulling the zipper down. He makes sure to take his time, wanting to draw out the teasing. His eyes never leave your face, wanting to see every reaction he can, every flutter of your eyelashes, every bite of your lip, every quickened breath.

You were aching at this point, throbbing as the cold air hits your bare core. "Please Heeseung." You whine, desperate to feel him.

You hear as his belt drops to the floor behind you, then his jeans. You bite your lip in anticipation. He reaches around, placing his hand infront of your mouth. "Spit."

You follow his command immediately, shooting a glob of spit into his palm. He takes his hand, rubbing up and down his sensitive shaft to lube himself up. You gasp as he feel his tip prodding against you, smearing precum all over my folds. He was teasing you, and he was fucking enjoying it.

"Just fucking do it already." You snap, your patience wearing thin.

"Eager, are we?" He chuckles before pushing into me, bottoming out completely. Your breath catches in my chest as he knocks the wind out of you.

"Holy fuck-" You cry out, his length and girth practically tearing you in half. He smirks at your reaction, clearly enjoying the effect he was having on you. He leans down, his lips trailing hot kisses up your neck, his voice low and rough in your ear

"Yeah, feel good doesn't it baby?" He growls against the shell of your ear, nibbling at your lobe. He grinds his hips slowly against yours, his eyes fluttering close. "Fuck your so tight baby." You can tell he's being slow on purpose. Hes teasing you, and the shit eating smirk on his face just confirms it. But you're getting impatient now.

"Stop teasing me and fuck me like you mean it." You snap, pushing your hips back to meet his.

"You want me to stop teasing baby? Because once I start, I'm not stopping." His voice is stern, almost like a warning for whats about to come.

"Yes!"

He finally caves, unable to resist any longer. His hands grip your hips tightly, holding you in place as he slams his hips against yours, giving you no time to adjust. The friction of his veiny length rubbing against your walls sends waves of pleasure through both of your bodies. He groans loudly, the sound deep and primal, as he finally gives in to the need that's been building inside him all night.

You cry out, reaching for anything to grip onto the keep your knees from buckling underneath you. He reaches forwards, gripping your arms and pulling them behind you.

"Is this what you wanted, Princess?" He whispers, his lips moving to your neck, as he grinds against you with an almost desperate need. "To be fucked like the desperate slut you are?"

"Yes! Don't stop!" At this point, you've got absolutely no shame. You're a fucking mess as he slams his hips against you over and over and over, hitting the deepest spots inside you.

He lets out a deep, guttural moan at your words, the sound making his chest rumble against your back, a physical expression of the need that was coursing through his veins. “You’re so beautiful when you’re a mess, princess. So desperate for me aren't you? Such a fucking whore for this dick."

He reaches down, wrapping his bicep around your throat, pulling your back to rest against his chest. "Say it. Say your a whore for this dick baby."

"Yes! Im a whore for your dick Seung!" You cry out, the pressure around your throat mixed with the pleasure from the new angle making your head spin.

He grins at your reaction, the feeling of you submitting to him, completely at his mercy, fuelling the fire that’s burning inside of him. He tightens his grip around your throat, wanting to see how far he can push you. "Thats right baby, thats fucking right."

You gasp for air as he applies more pressure against your throat, the feeling making you lightheaded. He angles his hips differently, hitting that soft, spongy spot deep inside you, making your stomach tighten. You practically shriek, your toes curling in your shoes as his tip kisses against the pleasure point with every hard thrust. "Seung, I'm so close."

He tightens his bicep even more, his eyes never leaving your face, watching as you struggle against him, completely at his mercy. There’s a primal satisfaction in seeing you like this, completely and utterly his in this moment. "You gonna cum for me baby?"

You cant manage out any words due to the painful pressure on your throat. The painful pressure that feels so fucking good. You can feel yourself getting dizzy, the lack of oxygen and the pleasure just too overwhelming for your body to handle.

"Look at you. Your a complete mess. God, you look so good." Your walls clench tightly around him as you teeter on the edge of release.

"Oh fuck baby." He groans as he twitches inside you, signalling that he was just as close to cumming as you were. "Not yet, Princess. Not until I say so."

You squeak at his words, knowing you physically couldn't hold back any longer, but you were unable to verbalise that to him. Your nails stratch as his bicep, begging him to let you cum as your eyes brim with tears.

"You're so desperate, you can't even form words, can you, Princess?" He mocks, watching as you struggle for air, your body clenching against his, as you desperately try to hold yourself back. "Don't you dare cum yet. You'll cum when I say you can. You understand?"

He continues to relentlessly pound into me, sweat beading down his forehead and landing against your cheek. Your jaw hangs slack as your vision begins to go blurry. Heeseung can feel your struggles growing weaker, watching as your eyes go slightly unfocused. "Cum for me baby."

As soon as he gives you permission, the tightening knot in your stomach immediately snaps. You cry out loudly, clenching around him. He feels you tighten around him, the sensation sending a wave of pleasure through his body. He moans, his eyes practically rolling to the back of his head, his grip on your throat momentarily tightening as he feels his release hit down on him like a ton of bricks.

"Fuck!" He cries out, shooting his hot cum inside of you with a loud grunt. But it's all just too much for you, the grip around your throat and the pleasure completely taking over you, and now the feeling of his cum completely filling you to the brim.

Heeseung feels as your body goes limp in his arms and your head rolls forward, my cheek resting against his thick muscle. Realising you had momentarily passed out, catches you, taking the pressure off of your throat and wrapping his other arm around your waist to keep you upright against him. He gently cups your chin in his hand, tilting your head back against his shoulder so he can look at you, satisfied as he sees the blissful expression on your face.

He leans down, his lips gently resting against your temple, feeling your heart beat fast and erratic, a clear sign of what he’d just put you through. He holds your body against his, his grip protective and his voice gentle as he whispers into your ear. “I’ve got you.”

It takes you a minute to catch your breath, regaining the strength to stand on your own. You turn around, sitting down to rest against the car bonnet as you pant heavily. You can feel his release slipping out of you, pooling in-between your thighs.

Heeseung watches as you pant and gasp for air, his eyes raking over your body, taking in every detail, every bite and every mark that littered my soft skin. He can’t help but smirk at the sight, knowing he’d done that to you. He cups your chin, tilting your head up to look at him. "So beautiful.”

You hum in response, nuzzling against his touch. He chuckles, his hand moving to gently brush your hair away from your face, a stark contrast to the aggressive nature that was coursing through him just a few minutes ago. His eyes take in your wrecked appearance. He can still see the flush on your skin, your eyes glassy and hazy, and he feels a possessiveness stirring within him at the sight. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." You smile up at him

"Are you sure? I've never had a girl pass out on me like that before." He chuckles awkwardly, pulling his jeans back up.

"Really, I'm good. That was... fucking amazing." You reassure him, reaching for your discarded panties.

"I'm glad." He offers you his hand, watching as your knees turn inwards a little as you stand.

"Anyway, should we get you back to campus?"

──────────────────────

@ hvseung, 2024. do not repost or reuse in anyway. thankyou :)

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first post, kinda nervy

[ja3hwa]

♡ 𝐖𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐈𝐭 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐲 | 𝐊.𝐘𝐒 ♡

【Synopsis】 : Anger surged through your lover, and you were the only one who could calm him.

『Word count』 : 1.61k

-> Genre: Smut. Fluff. Little bit of Angst.

Pairing: Sub!Yeosang x SoftDom!Reader

[Warnings] : Tiny bit of self hatred. Swearing. Anger issues. Pet name (Baby boy, Sangie. Baby). Making out. Hickeys. Male whimpering. Hand job. Bathtub sex. Unprotected sex. Multiple orgasms. Crying. Dirty talk.

Networks: @blossomnet @atzhouse

Note: Thank you, @yeosangiess, for this request, I haven't written subby men in a while, so this is refreshing to write, hehe ♡♡

Masterlist | Navigation | By Jae a Ko-Fi ♡

Some of Yeosang’s members swear they saw smoke fuming out of Yeosang’s ears as he left the studio. Even going as far as saying he was leaving footprints of chard wood on the timber floor as he stormed out. The guys had texted you, Hongjoong even went as far as calling you, warning that Yeosang had been pushing himself and that he was very agitated and blowing up at everyone.

You, of course, reassured that you had everything under control and that Yeosang would feel better after some relaxation as you put it. Hongjoong wished you luck saying there was nothing to change your lover's sour mood. But you knew him best. You knew what Sangie needed. So once you hung up, you got to work. Grabbing bath bombs scented in vanilla and berries. Oils and candles alike and some chocolates that you knew he liked. The bath was filled to the brim with bubbles when you were done with it, and you had an order prepared for Yeosang’s favourite fried chicken placed so he could eat something hot when he got out.

You were proud of what you had made. A little safe space for him. And as you lit the last candle, you heard the lock on the front door unlatch, making you aware your partner was home. “Honey! I’ll be out in a second.”

 Yeosang, on the other hand didn’t say anything to your call. Instead, he grumbled, still radiating anger towards himself and the world. Why couldn’t he just get the line right? Why did he have to miss his queue in the choreo every goddamn time? Why the fuck was the buckle on his shirt not opening like he wanted it to. Oh my god, where are the fucking scissors? He basically threw his phone, wallet and keys on the counter before slamming his hands down, giving up on the stupid piece of fabric that held his shirt onto his jacket. He was so tired. Every little thing that could go wrong went wrong. Everything he did was wrong. God why did he have to hate himself.

“Baby…” Your sweet, soft voice called him out of his mind, making him lazily tilt his head over to you. His heart stopped seeing you completely bare of clothing. Only being left in your cute little pink panties he bought you not long ago. He had to gulp, taking in your beautiful figure. Everything about you was perfect. “Come with me…”

He took your hand without hesitation, letting you lead him towards the bathroom without as much as a peep from him. He sighed immediately once the sweet smell of vanilla entered his nose. His eyes closed, taking in the aroma, and while he stood there silently. You slowly undid the belts and loops and zipped off his clothes, slowly stripping him from head to toe. And he let you do it. Taking a moment to give you control. He just wanted you to take it all away. “Join me…” He spoke finally for the first time since coming home.

You give me a small smile, knowing he was going to ask that already. So you give me a little nod, getting in the tub first before letting him take a seat in between your spread legs. You slowly began to wash him, bringing the water to his shoulders, working your thumbs into his tight skin. His groans bounced off the tiled wall of the bathroom, becoming music to your ears. He was finally relaxing, and you were the reason for it. “Tell me what happened.”

You knew talking about it would help him, and deep down, he knew it too. So he began to explain. Explain how he couldn’t seem to do anything right. Now, every little thing got in his way. Heck, even Wooyoung’s laughter itched his brain the wrong way that he ended up yelling at his friend… he felt terrible for that one. “I just feel like… I’m useless. Nothing is going right for me.”

“You’re not useless, Sangie.” Your voice tickled his neck as he snuggled more into your chest with his back flushed against yours.  “You are just having a bad day. Everyone has them.” Your hands glide over his biceps, playing with the bubbles stuck to his soft skin.

“I know...I just…” He didn’t know what he wanted anymore. Did he want to scream? Or was crying a better option? Did he want you to keep rubbing his arms with the gentlest touch, or did he need more… the way your fingers smoothed over skin. How you knew always the right places to touch him. His cock twitched in the water at his thoughts. Growing impatient, the annoyance from today brewing into pure sexual tension.

“What do you need, Sangie?” You asked innocently, having no clue what the bubbles were hiding beneath. Yeosang groaned, tilting his head so his face was now inches from yours. You could see the sparkle in his eyes. The anger that turned to desperation. You suddenly knew what he needed, and with a parted mouth and a whimper, Yeosang answered you.

“P-please…help me.” His soft whine caused a smile to form on your face, locking your lips gently on his. Your hand snaked from his arm to his cock, feeling he had grown harder in every moment. Your fingers wrapped around the shaft giving it a light squeeze, causing Yeosang to bite your lip in a whine. “P-please baby. I n-need it..arghnn.”

Your breath mixed with his as he kept repeating his sweet little ‘pleases’ against your tongue. You started to stroke him, feeling his cock twitch with a delicate touch. “That’s it, baby. Relax let go.” You murmured against his lips, slowly kissing down his cheek and jaw, suckling a big red mark on his collarbone. Yeosang gripped the sides of the tub, saliva painting his plump lips and hiccuped whimpers spilling from him. He felt pure bliss. Finally getting a taste of relaxation as he came all in the water.

“I...I need more… please.” he cried, tears trickling down his hot red cheeks. You shifted, feeling yourself become wet from your lover's little whimpers. You kiss his shoulder before squeezing him tightly, making him throw his head back in a silent scream.

“Do you want to be inside me, baby boy?” You suggested, making his eyes snap open to greet your dark ones.

“Yes, yes. Please, I need it. I want to feel you around me so badly.” You wiped a tear away from his cheek, wetting his cheek with some of the bubbles that clung to your fingertips. You let him go, giving him a moment to breathe, and with no grace, you shifted in the tub until you were sitting on his lap. Yeosang leaned back, his hands still holding the edge of the tub, making his knuckles turn white. “P-please baby. I need you.” He gulps feeling your cunt so close yet so far away from him. He was about to lose his mind if he didn’t feel you right this second.

“It's okay, pretty boy. I’ll give you whatever you need. You want my pussy. All you gotta do is ask.” You kiss his lips tenderly, holding his cheek in your palm. He melted, his hands reaching for your hips desperately. He tugged, needed to feel inside you. He needed to feel your soft velvet walls wrapped around him as if it were the only thing that would keep him alive.

“Please, please, baby. I need your pussy so badly. I think I might explode.” His whimpering words made you chuckle as you lined your aching cunt to his tip. His wide teary eyes stared hopelessly into yours, a twinkle shining in them from the moonlight creeping its way into the steamed room. He held his breath as he felt you take him inch by inch until you completely bottomed him out. “Fffucckkk huhngg.”

“That’s his baby, let go of all that tension.” You rubbed his shoulders as you kissed along his jaw. Yeosang was sobbing quietly at this point on the verge of already emptying his load when you had only just sunk onto him. He needed this. This was what he had been craving. His beautiful precious partner riding him like it was the only thing you both required in life.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m c-coming.” Yeosang cried holding you desperately. His face disappeared into your shoulder as he felt his whole body shake from pleasure. His load quickly filled your insides, making you moan out. Your hips didn’t stop until you knew his high was gone, leaving just a peaceful lingering silence along with the soft heavy beats of two hearts.

“y-you didn’t come..” He hadn't left your shoulder, words mumbling against your skin. You just chuckled, saying it was okay and that he was the priority, but he didn’t take that answer lightly. Pulling you away from him, he held your face between his hands. You could clearly see his tear-stained red cheeks and puffy eyes from your view. Even when he cries, he still looked eternal. “But I wanna make you feel good too baby…”

You grabbed his wrist, kissing each of them softly before chuckling. “I’ll be fine. I feel good, making you feel good. And that’s all that matters right now.” You softly kissed his cheek. “Now relax, we have all night for you to make me cum. But for now, let me look after you, okay?”

Yeosang sighed, letting you carry on with kissing away his pain. And once all the bubbles had popped and the water ran cold, he would whisper, answering you softly…

“okay…”

—

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑 : 𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑆 𝐼𝑆 𝐼𝑁 𝑁𝑂 𝑊𝐴𝑌 𝐴 𝑇𝑅𝑈𝐸 𝐷𝐸𝑃𝐼𝐶𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁 𝑂𝐹 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐴𝑇𝐸𝐸𝑍 𝑀𝐸𝑀𝐵𝐸𝑅𝑆. 𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑆 𝐼𝑆 𝑃𝑈𝑅𝐸 𝐹𝐼𝐶𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁 𝐴𝑁𝐷 𝐼𝑆 𝑁𝑂𝑇 𝑇𝑂 𝐵𝐸 𝑇𝐴𝐾𝐸𝑁 𝑆𝐸𝑅𝐼𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐿𝑌

© 𝐉𝐚𝟑𝐡𝐰𝐚. Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, repost, or use my work in any way, shape, or form.

[enwoso]

COUPLE OF FOOLS! — alessia russo

navigation

your cheek was pressed against the back of your hand as you slept on the plane. the afternoon air surrounding the plane was cool as you napped. you and the england squad were well under way on your journey half way across the world to australia.

and due to you having a rush of energy while everyone was asleep or being sent to sleep by your chattiness when you were wide awake but you now were the one in dreamland while everyone else was either playing card games or watching movies.

as you slept peacefully, your girlfriend, alessia and a few of the other team members: tooney, zel, roebuck and keira were sitting in the row next to you as they played cheat with the deck of cards that ellie had supplied, while a couple others like alex and mary watched.

alessia sat the closest to where you were sleeping as it was her close proximity that got you to sleep in the first place otherwise you would probably be slumped next to her right now watching them play cards. however when a particular loud groan or cheer would occur from one of the girls they would be first to earn a hard death stare from the striker.

ella was so close to winning when she was caught out on her bluff by katie resulting in a loud groan of annoyance from the brunette as she slammed her cards down on the table.

"ah man, for fuck sake!" she groaned out, throwing her cards onto the small airplane table in annoyance a little louder than alessia would have liked as she stared daggers at her best friend who sunk down a little in her seat peering over to you checking that you were still asleep, and luckily for ella's sake you were — for a now.

"oops" ella muttered, as she slowly turned to face her best friend shining an innocent smile at the blonde noticing out the corner of her eye that you were beginning to stir and mumble out some complaints about being woke up.

alessia turning to you as you rubbed your eyes adjusting to the bright lights on the plane taking all of the sleepy energy you hand in you to sit up. frowning as you stared at the tiny screen on the back on the back of the TV.

less came over and sat on the seat next to you which had your legs sprawled across it, as she lifted them placing them on top of hers rubbing her hand up and down them. smiling at the sight of you in her hoodie which was in fact a size or two, too big for you.

pulling yourself up and onto alessia's lap mumbling in the process how you were gonna take care of ella later earning a small laugh from the blonde. your movements were slow and almost zombie-like, your head hanging low as you placed your head on less' chest in hopes to get comfy again.

a few shuffles later, alessia watching in awe at your sleepy figure as you found home on her chest your arms hugging her lower body as the striker without hesitation wrapped her arms around you tracing small circles into your back.

"baby, your not going back to sleep are you?" alessia asked as she ran a few fingers through your head of hair, looking up at her you smiled and mumbled something along the lines of "mhm your comfy."

"i did tell you to sleep when everyone else was love" less poked at your side, you humming as you closed your eyes once again.

ella, keira, alex, ellie and now georgia watched the interaction between the couple from the row beside you and alessia, keira turning to the others, "i think that's the first time she's woke up and not been in a huff"

"yeah i mean she looks pretty content in less' arms!" ellie said making note of your peaceful demeanour. ella who was expecting you to wake up and have a strop, smiled "i mean look at them — they were made for each other." the others nodding there head as they began to restart the game of cards now with one less player.

your body began to relax once again, your breathing starting to slow. alessia feeling your change in movement as you practically melted into the blonde.

"i love you" alessia whispered as she placed a small kiss to your forehead as you mumbled back "i love you too"

lifting your head a little, "i'm not actually going back to sleep" you sighed as alessia scoffed "your eyes are betraying your mouth there love!" a small laughed escaped from her as she looked down to you with your eyes that were still screwed shut.

opening your eyes a little, as the blonde looked at you ad if you were the only person on the earth. feeling the measure of her stare you squinted right back at her

"i just haven't fully woken up from my nap yet!" you spoke as her eyebrows furrowed together, "nap? babe you were asleep for 4 hours!" this time it was your turn for your eyebrows to furrow.

"it weren't that long" you said as she nodded her head slowly at you as you turned your head a little to the screen mounted on the back of the chair squinting a little to read the numbers in the top corner and surely enough it was now 2, you having fell asleep at 10.

"oh" was all you said before alessia was leaning down placing a kiss on your nose causing your face to scrunch making you readjust yourself so that you were sat straighter in her hold moving your arms to be leaning on her chest.

bumping your nose with hers whispering over her lips, "kiss me then" alessia's lips turned upwards in a ghost of a smirk, before she placed them in yours.

one of alessia's hands moving up the side of your hoodie rubbing small circles into your skin as her other hand gripped your waist.

before the kiss could go any further, ella and georgia began to throw the deck of cards off you most of them landing beside you but many of them skimming the top of your head. there aim not being that accurate to hit you in the head.

"oi lovebirds! i know i said yous were cute but that weren’t a cue for yous to start and suck each others faces off!" ella fake gagged as your turned your head shooting daggers as the two as alessia carried on kissing you raising her middle finger towards ella and georgia the sound of snickering coming from the group.

"i'd like to remind you that your committing the crime of public displays of affection!" ella voiced as she directed the attention back to her best friend.

alessia raised her hands in defence, "my bad for showing my girlfriend some love, the PDA police got me!" you laughed at less and her antics . truth be told alessia would do anything to make you laugh and see your pretty smile.

she was in heaven with you grinning at her like that.

"your such a dork!" you smiled as she cupped your cheeks and planted a kiss on your lips. she then trailed up to your cheeks, kissing your nose twice before peppering more kisses on your forehead and chin. holding your face as you giggled and gasped out of breath. "love, stop please less-"

"what? if i'm committing a crime might as well go all out!" she rolled her eyes as she let up on peppering your face with kisses when as she left one last kiss on your lips not before going down to your neck and leaving a single kiss there.

"less." you warned as her breath fanned over your neck lingering where she had just kissed knowing her already what her next move was to do.

"don't" you pleaded, "later."

she reclined and became face to face with you and she whispered so only you could hear, "you'd let me commit a crime for a kiss on your pretty little lips, but won't let me give you a hickey in front of our best mates"

you looked at her twinkling eyes, and reciprocated the same tension she was giving you. you bit your lip still staring at her and nodded, "later, i promise" you whispered.

alessia cocked her head to the side and pursed her lips, "right" she answered.

meanwhile, the others had averted their eyes back to the game they were playing it not being as tension filled as it had been before. giving each other an eyebrow raise and a double glance between you and alessia.

ella deciding to continue the topic of the couple eta seats away from them, "i love them honestly, there biggest supporter!"

"even when they get lovey dovey?" katie questioned seeing the comment the brunette had made jsut minutes ago.

"yeah! thought she were gonna come and chase after me of summit for waking her up" ella said as the other just laughed knowing it wasn't out of the realm of possibility however it would have made for a very short chase considering there was only a small amount of space to be chased in since you were on a plane.

"but instead she's made a beeline for less and look at her now, all calm and relaxed!" ella finished declaring her happiness to the small group of players

"even though it's a little strange walking in on them sucking each others faces, i've never seen them so happy other than when their together!" georgia said providing her input.

"couple of fools in love, as they say!" keira smiled looking over to her two friends. "it's hard to hate them when you hear the way y/n talks about alessia" keira added.

"what! really what does she say?" ella asked nosily wanting some info to be able to tease you about later.

"yeah half the time i forget its literally less she's talking about when we're having a conversation" keira says slightly exposing her friend.

"she's just deeply in love with the girl!”

the four of them glanced at you and alessia on the other row of the plane having your own conversation in your own little bubble, just the two of you.

your arms wrapped around her neck as you lay on her chest looking at her as she was speaking. while one of her hands rested on your back and the other on your waist keeping you in place.

alessia smiling as she talked to you. the blonde knew her friends were having their own conversation, probably about you two. however she didn't think to join in, maybe later.

right now she was with you. the only person she could ever need, ever love. her person. her girl.

liked by keirawalsh and 621,047 others

alessia at least someone was comfy🙄

comments -

yourusername always comfy when i’m with you<3

41m 381 likes     reply

-> alessia aren’t you the charmer since you woke up!

-> yourusername i’m always a charmer😏

[erodasfishtacos]

Digging A Deeper Hole || MLB ||

Prompt: Harry is going through a rough adjustment to his new life. At twenty-one, he was the face of a massive franchise, a father, and a husband with millions watching his every mood. He starts to feel it. Word Count: 7.8k Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Angst - please keep in mind H is young here so he’s a bit more immature than one shots where he’s older. He’s still figuring stuff out

AUTHORS NOTES:

There is 5 more part to this up on patreon (17k words, a 25.1k fic overall)

I upload a piece of writing every 1-3 days (usually two) consistently// currently updating abo!roommates

All writings are accurately and always added to the organized folders in the collections feature

There are currently 300 + pieces available to read

It only cost $3USD —— thanks for any support and check me out here!

========================= Harry had the weight on the world on his shoulders.

The past year had been the best but most stressful time that he has ever had in his life.

He hadn’t had a break, it was go, go, go.

At the age of twenty-one, it felt like he had responsibilities that most people never had this amount of.

He had expectations from every side, especially from work, though it sounded like a dream to be the new face of Major League Baseball, to be the highest paid rookie to start, or the fact that he was a projected to be one of the best players of all time.

It came at a cost.

A really fucking big cost.

It took Harry a while to realize that he was experiencing some depression, the pressure of his coaches, the team, the public, and on top of that, he was navigating being newly married with a baby.

++

”Styles, get off the phone!” His assistant coach shouted from the field, he should be jogging onto the mound because practice was nearly over, and everyone was ready to head back to the hotels.

“Hold the fuck on!” Harry shouts back without looking up, waiting for the FaceTime call to connect, he had thought he had more time before they started up again.

Harry’s heart leaps when it connects, his perfect baby in the camera view, blowing raspberries between chewing on teether that looked like car keys, “Say ‘hi’ to your daddy!”

Easton is too little to quite comprehend the phone but he blinks in confusion at the screen before blowing another wet raspberry towards his father.

”Hi East, look at how handsome you look,” Harry croons, trying to memorize every little feature because he’s only going to be this small for a little while, “Your daddy misses you so much.”

YN pulls the phone to her face for a moment, “I took him on a walk around Central Park earlier today and he saw a group of pigeons. He squealed so loudly that they all flew away in a flock and he started giggling. I wish I would have gotten it on video.”

”He really does love the pigeons-“ Harry begins but is cut off.

”Styles, final warning. Get off your phone or I’m locking it up! Now,” The other coach yells, starting to actually get pissed, and Harry has to resist the urge to flip them off.

”H,” YN says knowingly, it was pretty common that he was getting yelled at, “Go practice.”

“I want to be home with you,” Harry frowns, he truly means it.

”I know,” YN agrees with kind understanding on her face, “Go kick some ass for us.”

++

He didn’t get to spend the time he wanted at home with his family, the away games caused him to panic, and he was starting to have anxiety attacks as he steps onto the private jet.

Harry was blowing YN’s phone up at any free moment he got, asking to FaceTime to see her and Easton, and YN had noticed how much more he was asking for reassurance, it was frequent.

++

”He’s sleepy. He just fed for almost an hour,” YN murmurs, tired herself and her eyes were heavy, it was undeniable that she had a lot on her plate with taking care of Easton by herself.

YN did see Anne once or twice a week but she was adamant that she did not need help raising her own baby, that she was fully capable of taking care of Easton by herself when Harry wasn’t home.

Easton was ten-months at this point, splayed on his mother’s chest with a milk-drunk little smile as he laid his small fist on her neck, easily starting to drift to sleep.

Harry feels a pang of disgusting, gnarly guilt and disappointment that he’s not there to lay in bed with them, and he felt like a piece of shit for sitting in this swanky hotel room by himself.

”Harry?” YN asks after he doesn’t respond, he was just watching the screen as his wife ran her fingers through Easton’s soft baby curls, silky smooth.

Harry swallows harshly to avoid the tears prickling, “I love you so much. You know that?”

YN smiles at him, soft and warm, “We love you so much. We miss you and cannot wait for you to get home. We both want so many cuddles with you.”

Harry’s jaw clenches, scrunching his nose, and feel the pit in his stomach get deeper, darker, rawer, and it felt overwhelming as he sat alone with his family on the other side of the country.

It felt suffocating that he wanted to go home but he couldn’t because he had a contract, a job, he had to provide, and he worked his whole life to be where he’s at.

He’s in a position that billions would want to be in but all he can think about is being with his family, he would give up everything he’d ever accomplished to cuddle with them every night.

But he couldn’t, deep down, he knew that it was his emotions getting the best of him, and it’s disappointing that he’s not enjoying baseball like he thought he would right now.

“I…I’m sorry,” Harry sniffles, rubbing his eye roughly to catch the tears before they fall any further.

YN’s smile falls which makes him feel even worse, “Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you apologizing?”

”I’m not there to help you,” Harry presses his face into his forearm to try to stop the tears, “I’m just sittin’ here in a hotel room, I’m fuckin’ useless to you.”

”Hey,” YN says firmly, lips going into a straight line, “Harry, you are not useless. How could you think that? You’re providing for us. You make it possible for me to stay at home, in this beautiful home, with everything we’d ever need, and spend every moment with Easton. That’s because of you.”

It makes Harry feel a bit better, that perspective on the situation because he hadn’t looked at it like that, “I’ll always provide for you two.”

”You’re the best provider. We love you so much. We are so proud of you. Easton is going to be so so proud of his daddy and what a good man you are to us,” YN tells him confidently, thter’s no wavering in her voice as she watches Harry’s reaction.

Harry hangs his head, done trying to stop the tears, he didn’t feel good.

He had felt depression a few times in his life, the most when he was going through his struggles with his sexuality, and it was starting to feel like that again.

”Harry,” YN’s voice is soft, careful, “Are you okay, baby? What made you so upset?”

Harry wipes his face with the back of his hand, he didn’t want to worry YN.

She had so much on her plate right now that the last thing she needed to worry about was his mental health because he needed to pull it together and stop being so emotional.

”I just miss you,” Harry tells her, it wasn’t a lie but it really wasn’t the full truth, there was so much more to it than what he was letting on but he could handle it on his own.

Lord knows he had enough time while he was sitting in this hotel room alone or had a flight on the private jet.

++

Harry felt like a car ran him over, twice, and then backed up over him.

He did as good as everyone expected him to do during the games in San Diego, he won all three of the games with too many strikeouts to count, and two home runs to get them scores.

Harry was able to shut his mind off during the games, all he was thinking about was his job, and what he needed to do to make sure that they won the games - that was it.

Afterwards, the creeping feelings that had been haunting him especially hard this past month or so wouldn’t wait very long to pop up again after the games.

He started demanding a flight home the night of the last game, everyone else always waited until the next day because traveling right after playing was near torture with the exhaustion.

Harry felt like death as he landed in New York City, his bones were heavy as if they weighed a thousand pounds each, his arm was sore from how many pitches he had to throw, and he hadn’t been sleeping well when he was away from YN and the baby.

His heart was a bit lighter as he opened the front door to their home, the smell of his favorite brownies hitting his nose, and a peel of bubbly, angelic baby giggles echoed through the hallway.

Harry needed to see them, he dropped his bag and didn’t care that his cologne bottle most likely just shattered inside because of how careless he was being.

No, he was making his way toward the smell and sounds, and when he found what he waas looking for - his stomach untwisted just the slightest and everything didn’t seem so bleak for a moment.

YN turns around, having been alerted to his entrance by his bag dropping, Easton was on her hip and had a spatula in his hand, gnawing on it happily.

”Who is that, East?” YN bounces him up and down, “Is that your daddy?”

Harry wants to cry tears of relief when Easton drops the spatula, letting it clatter onto the tile, and starts to cry.

He was the cutest little thing.

Whenever Harry got home from work, Easton would start to cry because he wanted him, and was sad like he just realized that he had been missing him all day and he was finally home with him.

”Oh my goodness,” YN hums as Easton wiggles, starting to reach out for him with grabbing hands, dramatic tears running down his face as his pouty bottom lip wobbles.

”No tears, bub,” Harry coos as he steps forward, taking Easton out of her arms, and giving him the biggest hug he can manage as he presses kisses to the side of his face, his hair, his nose, “I missed you so much. I hate being away from you, East, miss you every moment.”

YN is watching with a content smile, patiently waiting her turn as he blinks over at her, his voice still soft and raspy, “Hi mama.”

”Hi H,” YN whispers back, stepping forward to cup his jaw and bring their lips together in a kiss, her thumb rubbing the stubble of his jawline and her other squeezing his hip, “I missed you.”

Harry hates that he feels the lump in his throat, “I fuckin’ missed you so much. I can’t explain how much I hate being away from you and him. I am so grateful that you’re so good to me and East. You know that?”

One of YN’s love languages was definitely words of affirmation so to hear such nice compliments really did mean a lot to her because she didn’t always feel the most secure either.

It was a lot to have her husband traveling all the time, where if he wanted, there would be unlimited opportunities for him to make bad choices because there was not a shortage of men and women who would bed him without a second thought.

YN had complete and utter trust in him.

It wasn’t ever a real concern but when Harry was as gorgeous as he was, it was hard not to feel a bit of insecurity when people often let it be known how much they found him attractive.

”Thank you, H,” YN brings him in for another kiss, “Dinner is almost ready. Brownies are also baking in the oven. Easton was my little helper but was trying to get his chunky fingers in the raw batter which he had an attitude about when I told him ‘no’.”

”You better listen to your mama,” Harry hums at his son, munching at his neck until Easton is giggling and pulling at his curls to keep him close, he loved his father so much, “Be nice to mama, Easton Robin.”

YN reaches forward, “Go get a shower. Settle in a little bit.”

Harry passes Easton back but frowns, “Darling, I can take him and manage. You have had him for the last week.”

YN waves him off, “I got him for a few minutes longer. Get showered, dressed, then we can eat dinner, and cuddle. Okay?”

”Sounds like a dream,” Harry replies because it really does, all that he wants is to be able to hold them in his arms, and start filling this hole that starts to eat away at him every time he has to leave.`

++

After Harry showers, he tugs on his briefs, and sits on the edge of the bed.

He doesn’t know how he fell asleep like that but it seemed to happen nearly as soon as he plopped down on the plush of their bed because he hadn’t slept in nearly twenty-four hours, after an exhausting game and seven hours of travel.

The next time he wakes up, it’s completely dark in the bedroom, and he blinks his eyes open to see the alarm clock reading that it was three in the morning.

YN was fast asleep on her side of the bed, baby monitor on the side table, and Easton was sleeping in his nursery on his back with a binky halfway out of his mouth.

Harry squeezes his eyes shut, putting his fists to them for a moment as he grits his teeth, “Fuck fuck fuck.”

He gets out of bed, not wanting to disturb YN, she looked so fucking pretty while she slept and Harry was in disbelief of what a fucking idiot he was.

YN not only watched Easton for the past week, she managed everything else for their household, made Harry dinner and dessert, all for him to fall asleep.

She needs a break from the baby, YN should have gotten one last night after all her hard work, and Harry just went and fell asleep like a bloody teenager with no responsibilities.

He grabs the baby monitor so that YN won’t be woken up, hoping that she will sleep in for as long as possible in the morning, and Harry can take on baby duties.

Harry’s plan was to clean the house, the least he could do as an apology but everything was near spotless thanks to his wife, and when he went into the kitchen to clean the dishes from dinner.

There were none, YN had put all the leftovers away, wrapped the brownies, and cleaned all the pots and pans - as well as all of Easton’s bottles.

”Fuck me,” Harry grunts as he resists the urge to hit something, instead slamming his fists on the countertop, and staring at nothing as he feels the deep hole become bigger, “Such a fuck-up.”

Harry doesn’t even know what he can do to repay her, to make it up to her, and the mixture of his anxiety and depression had to be the gnarliest combination because they were kicking his ass.

His anxiety starts taking over and an intrusive thought starts to pop into his brain and he can’t shake it.

What if she leaves you?

What if she doesn’t think you’re a good enough father?

She does all this for you and you treat her like shit the moment you come home?

You don’t deserve her.

Harry’s throat tightens up, it feels hard to breathe for a few minutes as he tries taking slow, deep inhales before repeating the process to help try to regulate his breathing.

He had to make this up to her.

++

Harry manages Easton by himself, that wasn’t an issue, and he was even able to run out to grab YN’s favorite donuts from a few blocks down before she was up.

Harry was currently in the living room, laying on the floor with Easton as he played with these soft, big blocks, and smiled at his father with only two little teeth showing on his bottom gums.

”Morning, well afternoon,” YN laughs as she looks at the clock on the wall, it was nearly twelve and she was able to catch up on all the sleep she desperately needs, “You didn’t need to let me sleep for that long, H. I appreciate it though, felt super nice to be able to get re-energized.”

”It’s the least I could do,” Harry replies, the enthusiasm that was usually in his voice was missing, and he struggled to meet her eye because he was embarassed.

YN knows something is off as she sits down next to them, scooping Easton up and tucking him under her big shirt where he can excitedly start to nurse - he very begrudgingly used a bottle but it was always a bit more difficult to get him to eat with one.

”Are you sure you’re okay?” YN frowns as she rubs his knee, “You seem down. Did something happen?”

”I’m a piece of shit,” Harry chuckles without humor, throwing his hands up, “Isn’t it obvious? I leave you at home with the baby and then the minute I get home, I fall asleep and don’t do shit to help you. On top of that, you made dinner and I didn’t even eat it.”

YN’s frown turns into more of a scowl, “Harry, what has you talking like this? Did someone say something to you? I don’t like when you talk like that. You were exhausted! You were just away for a week, training and playing, and have so much other than that going on. Do you really think that I’m mad about that?”

“I’m mad about how I acted because it effects you,” Harry grits back, his anxiety and depression had a tendency to make him cranky in a way that he normally wouldn’t be, “It’s no excuse. You get no excuses. I need to do better.”

”You need to stop talking like that,” YN retorts as she stares back at him with a twitch of her brow, “Everything is fine. We are fine. Nothing is wrong. This is how our life looks sometimes and that’s okay. You are doing this to take care of us.”

“It feels pretty fuckin’ selfish right now,” Harry shakes his head, standing up and trying to hide the wince from how achey his muscles were, he should do a cold plunge but he’s not going to take anymore time for himself - he dosn’t deserve it.

“How is it selfish?” YN is getting frustrated, her leg shaking slightly but then she stops when she realizes that it’s jostling Easton and he whines in displeasure.

”I get to get a full night’s sleep in a luxury hotel room, you’re here.”

YN scoffs, licking over her teeth, “Yeah, Harry. It’s a massive hardship, living in a three million dollar home in the middle of the Upper East Side. I think I’ll survive.”

“That’s not the fuckin’ point,” Harry cracks his neck, his anxiety made his heart rate feel like he was constantly running a marathon, it was hard for him to keep his composure.

”Don’t talk to me like that,” YN raises her voice, moving to get up with Easton still suckling away, “This isn’t how you show appreciation, Harry. I’m just trying to have a conversation and you have an attitude.”

Harry knows that he’s just going to continue to dig himself a deeper pit than he’s already in if he keeps talking.

Most of the time, he did not feel like like a twenty-one year old despite his boyish looks but right now, he felt like he was acting his age and it wasn’t a good thing.

”Why don’t you take Easton and see your mom today,” YN offers, her voice is still tight but trying to keep it cordial as she brings Easton out from under her shirt.

He was blinking languidly, his lips smacking in satisfaction as his belly was full, and YN hands him over to Harry to take, “Yeah, I’ll get him ready and go.”

It was a good opportunity to give YN a break but he was honestly a bit surprised that she took him up on it or that she didn’t want to come with because when Harry came home, they tried to stay together as much as possible.

He does know that he’s acting like a complete dickhead which makes sense why she wasn’t dying to spend time with him right night, still it was just odd because it’s unlike her.

”Sounds good,” YN pulls out her phone, looking down and fingers flitting across the screen which was also a bit odd, how she was a distracted by it because it was unlike her just like her letting him go alone.

God, Harry was making a fucking mess, wasn’t he? +++++++++++++++++

It stuck out like a sore thumb when Harry was off.

Normally, he was the most easy-going, bubbly, funny person who stole most of the attention when he wasn’t even trying.

It was how he captured everyone’s interest whether it was his big grin that had his dimples showing deep in the pockets of his cheeks, the way he threw his head back and let out these low raspy chuckles, or just how he nodded attentively when someone else was talking.

So when he wasn’t feeling like himself, all those things that lit up rooms disappeared, and it was hard for him to socialize.

Harry was still beating himself up the entire ride outside of the city to his mother’s house, Easton was napping in the back and this would be a nice sleep before the excitement of Nana’s house.

Harry was replaying everything with YN, from the way he was sharp with her to get short with her when she did absolutely nothing to deserve that from him because she was so fucking good to him - all the time.

YN never complained about anything.

She never complained about being at home with the baby alone.

YN never tied to guilt Harry because he was away during the season so much.

It makes it so much worse that he’s not able to hold his shit together even just for YN, he didn’t want her to worry about his mental health, that’s the last thing she needed on her plate.

He was going to figure this out himself.

It wasn’t that he didn’t feel like he couldn’t talk to her, it was more that he knew she cares so much that it might upset her or make her worry when he’s on the road, all he wants for her is to focus on Easton and herself.

Harry normally loves going up to his mom’s, a little lake house that he had bought her with one of his first paychecks, despite how much she huffed and puffed, he knew that it was a dream of hers to live on the water.

It was the least he could do after she did so much to make his dreams come true.

However, despite Harry getting a decent amount of sleep, he felt bone tired and just drained was the best way to explain it - he felt like all the energy that he normally feels has been sucked clean out of him.

He wanted to turn the car around, go home, crawl into bed with YN and Easton, and not have to interact with anyone else for at least a week but that wasn’t possible with his schedule.

Harry should be enjoying his time right now.

They have an off week which meant that he had nearly two and a half weeks at home because the following week were games at their home stadium so he could be home every night.

Harry just couldn’t wait for this season to be over.

And that thought alone alarmed him because he fucking loved baseball, he loved being the best of the best, he loved all the recognition he got but right now his desire was lower than it’s been in a really long time.

When he pulls down the long driveway, a house sat back off the residential road where she had neighbors but there was a good amount of distance between the them to give privacy and seclusion.

He sees that there are multiple cars in the driveway which makes Harry groan because he didn’t realize that his mom was going to call over friends and family since he was coming to visit.

Anne did that sometimes, when Harry called saying that he’d be up, she would call aunts, uncles, relatives, and close friends to come for a barbecue, and it was the last thing he wanted right now.

He was already a bit peeved that his mother didn’t ask him first because he would have very clearly told her that he wasn’t in the mood to entertain people, to answer questions, and talk about baseball for a good five hours.

When Harry opens the back door, Easton’s already awake and smiling at his father with a gummy smile, his two bottom baby teeth made him look so adorable but he knew that more were going to popping through soon.

”Hi, sweetheart,” Harry hums softly as he unbuckles his baby, bringing him up into his arms and into a hug, kissing his temple, “I love you so much, you know that? M’only away so that you have everythin’ you’d ever want. Miss you every second-“

A smack comes heartily on his back, right on his throwing shoulder where the soreness is radiating like a motherfucker, and he has to grit his teeth to not curse and startle Easton.

”Buddy, how much did this ride cost ya?” His Uncle Chuck, his mom’s brother asks obnoxiously, “Saw these things were going for a hundred and some change?”

Harry takes a deep breath, his patience was wearing thin, and he had barely made it out of the car, “I don’t remember how much it cost.”

“That’s what being rich gets you, huh? Twenty-one with a fat bank account and no responsibilities. I would have loved to have a life like yours,” Chuck chortles as he leans up against said expensive SUV, beer in his hand.

“I have plenty of fuckin’ responsibilities,” Harry bites back, scolding himself for cursing in from of Easton, even if he was too young to understand, he tried not to make it a habit.

“Sure you do, bud,” His uncle laughs, clearly not catching onto Harry’s mood, “Last thing I’d want is a baby with everything that you have going on. Growing up too fast.”

“Luckily, it’s not your life,” Harry brushes him off, picking up Easton’s diaper bag on his free shoulder and hikes him up, “We’ll be in soon. Give us a minute.”

His uncle shrugs before staggering off, a drunken sway in his step as he stumbles back towards the house.

Harry buries his nose in Easton’s downy, fresh smelling wispy curls to steady his breathing, he feels a bit emotional as he talks to his son.

“M’sorry, East. Daddy doesn’t feel good right now,” Harry swallows hard, squeezing his eyes shut, “I just have to pull it together. God, I love you. My baby.”

Harry gives himself another minute of grounding before taking a deep exhale and shutting the door, walking towards the house.

Everyone was on the back patio, sipping on drinks, and cheering when they saw him.

Dread settles heavy in Harry’s stomach as his family members as they start asking him about his games, wanting to recap every play he’s made, his sponsorships and his much he’s getting paid.

Harry’s trying to keep up the conversation but all he can think about is how much he didn’t want to be there, and he should have just taken Easton to the park or something more low-key.

When he bumps into his mom in the kitchen, Anne is prepping a salad and smiles back at her son - unaware of his mood.

“Isn’t this fun, hun?” Anne asks happily, sprinkling in some spices as she hums.

“Why couldn’t it have just been us? I have to be around people all the time and I thought it was just going to be you. Now I have to entertain all of them,” Harry’s tone definitely takes her aback as she puts down the tongs she was using.

“Usually you love when everyone’s here, I don’t understand,” Anne’s smile drops, wiping her hands on the dishrag.

“Does anybody ever consider that I don’t love talking about baseball every second of the day or how much money is in my bank account?” Harry’s tone is venomous and resentful, unfairly harsh on his mom when she hadn’t tried to upset him.

“Harr-“ Anne begins to apologize, albeit, a bit confused.

“Easton’s almost ready for a nap,” He cuts her off as he checks his watch, it didn’t really matter what time it was, he was done.

“My bedroom-“

“No, I’m going home,” Harry shakes his head, turning on his heel. He has the decency to look back and say, “Sorry, mom. I just can’t be here.”

Easton was currently being held by his Aunt Jane, he was starting to fuss because he had a bottle not too long ago and he was starting to get cranky.

“Alright, we’re going to head out. East needs his nap,” Harry announces, hiking on the diaper bag, and starting to walk over.

“Oh, we barely see him! Just a few more minutes with this little one. You can hold off his nap for a little!” His Aunt Jane jokingly holds him tighter for a minute and nothing right now is funny to Harry.

Harry doesn’t get loud but his voice gets steely as he reaches down and scoops Easton up from her lap, “Don’t tell me how to take care of my baby, understood?”

His poor aunt is taken aback, just like his mom, and nods.

Harry storms out without another glance back, ignoring the whispers about how odd he was acting and rude.

When he straps Easton in, the dark bubble in belly subsides for a moment- like sun breaking through storm clouds.

“Daaa,” Easton coos, happy but tired, tucking his binky back between his lips.

“Good job, baby,” Harry sniffles, blinking up towards the sky to keep the tears away, “Fuck, get it together.”

Harry had to pepper at least ten kisses on Easton’s warm, sleepy face before he’s able to close the door and get in the driver’s seat.

Harry presses on the console touch screen, calling YN, and he frowns when it goes straight to voicemail which was very unlike her.

He tries again.

Voicemail.

He pulls out his phone, trying to check her location, and it hasn’t updated in the past hour - it was just unusual for her phone to die, always on standby but he tries not to worry.

YN was probably still very pissed off at him, if he was to bet, she put her phone on ‘do not disturb’ so that she could take a well deserved nap and not be bothered.

Harry squeezes the steering wheel, reminding himself once again, “Pull yourself together.”

But in the back of his mind, an anxious thought pops in, well multiple.

What is YN is leaving you?

What if she’s sick of not having you around as much as other wives have their husbands?

First time you see her in a week and you treat her like shit. You really think she’ll stay?

Harry has never once thought like that, even when they’ve gotten in serious fights but god damn, he couldn’t stop his mind from going a million miles a minute, and it felt like shit.

Nothing was wrong.

Everything felt like it’s crumbling.

[isawritesshit]

The Color Blue - Chapter 1

image taken from @ lovevivianne on pinterest

Synopsis: As the only daughter to the leader of the Kamo Clan, you were trained and protected to one day bring your father honor through your marriage to the heir of the Gojo Clan. However, your husband ended up being something that your family never prepared you for. As you come to navigate a new world of politics between the clans, your husband convinces you that there is nothing wrong with honoring yourself too.

Warnings and Content: fem! reader and slightly ooc! (?) gojo (ig; i feel like i didn't write him as in character as i wanted), cursing, allusions to and anxiety about marriage consummation, themes of traumatized and anxiety-ridden reader, themes of forced/arranged marriage

Author's Note: Fuck me in the ass, it took me wayyy too long to get this out to y'all I'M SOOOO SORRY GUYS I DIED AND NOW I AM REBORN BACK AND SEXIER THAN EVER! Anyway, I'm at least happy to finally get this out for you guys because you guys gave me so much love for the prologue (mwah mwah). If you have yet to read the prologue, pleaseee do so! Provides some good context to the premise of the story. I'm going to flag once more that there will be themes of nsfw and physical/mental abuse down the line!

Word Count: ~7.3k

___________________________________________________________

"Are you afraid of me?"

He spoke. You masked your surprise easily. Did you look afraid? What made him suspect that? How do you answer?

Respond clearly. "No, Gojo-sama. Apologies if I seem at all startled in any way. I am taking in my new surroundings," you replied with a slight incline of your head towards him.

Satoru's eyebrows raised a little. It was the first time he had ever heard your voice. As he suspected, it was graceful and beautiful, but still so sad. And what was with the honorifics? He waited a second for you to say something else, but nothing came. "Do you like it? The house that is." Satoru figured the only way to get anything out of you was to ask himself.

He asked you a question. Respond clearly. Tell him what he wishes."Yes, your home is beautiful Gojo-sama. I'm very fortunate to be living here as your wife." Your words sounded exactly the same, clipped and poised to perfection like the small smile you had on your face. Your skin was cold despite the amount of fabric that covered it, but you refused to shiver. You refused to tremble despite the fear you were feeling. Yes, you had trained and prepared yourself for this. You would be fine.

Satoru only cocked his head and crossed his legs, observing you like a painting from where he sat on the couch. "Thank you." His voice conveyed his usual charisma, but the look he was giving you did not. He sighed as you only bowed your head again and said nothing. He could tell you were afraid, you just didn't wish to admit it. Was it stubbornness or nervousness that had you standing like that before him, looking both strong and weak at the same time?

After a few moments, he spoke again, this time with a little more calmness and reassurance. "I don't bite, y'know." Not a word left your lips at that. You didn't even move. It was like he had a statue standing in a wedding dress in the middle of his foyer. Not a statue, a corpse, with unfeeling, empty eyes. Maybe you weren't happy with the current situation. "Did you like the reception? I'm sure you had input in the planning."

Take this chance to show your worth. "I planned the entire reception, Gojo-sama. I hope it was to your liking." You clasped your hands even tighter as you waited for his reaction.

Satoru raised his eyebrows. "Oh, wow. I'm sorry then, I'm sure you liked it because you put it all together. Well, uh, I definitely enjoyed it, and I'm sure everyone else did too. You did a great job. Uh, thank you," Satoru chuckled. He meant every word. Planning an event of that nature must have been a daunting task and you had done it all on your own. You must be pretty independent.

"Of course, Gojo-sama. It was my duty," you replied with another bow. The fear in your gut subsided at his words. It seemed he could be won over by acts of service.

Duty. That's when it clicked in Satoru's head. You saw this as 100% a duty. Well, it wasn't like he didn't see this arrangement as a duty too, but it had always been more than that to him. It was both a duty and an enjoyment. At least, that's what he hoped it would be for the both of you.

He said nothing for a few moments. You didn't move. He could tell by the uncomfortable silence that the household staff was probably listening from somewhere nearby. Perhaps that also made you uneasy. "Let's head somewhere more private," Satoru murmured, and stood from the couch.

Private? A chill ran down your spine that worsened when he made his way over to you. Were you both going to-

You remained silent as he took your arm gently and led you up the steps of the grand staircase. He moved slowly, watching and searching you for any indication of emotion or feeling, but you gave him none. He cleared his throat before speaking once more. "That outfit seems uncomfortable. I'm surprised you've been able to wear it all day."

Your mind was running circles around his words, but you didn't show it. Is he going to offer to take it off me? Why is he being so gentle with me? Where is he leading me? A bridal chamber? A bedroom? "It is not uncomfortable, just a little heavy," you responded, forcing yourself to keep your voice even. "The tailors did a fabulous job with it."

Satoru hummed and muttered his agreement. He would take this as slow as possible. He knew that the first thing he would have to do was make you comfortable. "I see. If you would like, you may change out of it, and I can take you on a tour of the rest of the estate. Or, you can sleep if you're tired."

This seems like a test, you thought. Which option would he prefer? "I can change and join you on a tour of the home," you responded. "If that is what you wish of me."

Not exactly the answer he was looking for, but an answer nonetheless. "Alright. I'll show you your bedroom. It's apart of my rooms of the estate. I hope that's alright," he said as he guided you towards a set of double doors down the hall.

Satoru stepped before you to open the doors himself, a few staff members walking out past. You assumed that they were finishing their cleaning for the night. You could tell a few of them looked at you as they passed, though you never looked up to meet their gaze.

You could tell these were Gojo's chambers, as they were decorated somewhat differently from the rest of the house. While the entire house had a more contemporary feel to it, his part of the estate added western styles to it: gray and white furnishing, an upstairs that led to an open second floor balcony overlooking the first floor living room space, comfortable carpeting, and a woodsy, homey scent. There was a dining area and billiards further to the right to entertain guests. Truly a home within a home.

Satoru led you up the stairs, watching as you looked over the second floor railing into the living room. When you reached the top, he gestured to the first door on the left. "This is my bedroom here, in case you ever need to find me," he said as he moved you two forward. "And this one is yours." He opened the next door over.

Satoru let you step into the room first. "I wasn't sure what you would prefer in terms of the color of the room and everything, so I had a few of my staff design it for me. Do you like it?" he asked, a slight guilt to his tone. He felt bad that he knew almost nothing about you. He didn't even know where to start when he began planning to incorporate you into his home, but he figured an inviting bedroom would be a start.

"Yes, very much so" you replied. The room was bigger than your one at the Kamo estate. The furniture was made of oak wood, with the room itself having accents in white and various shades of purple. The canopy bed was plush and had silk sheets. Most of your attention was drawn towards the bookshelf in one corner, which already had some of your books as well as many new ones. The closed curtains, which had little butterflies sown on them, had moonlight escaping into the room. The wall to the right had another door, which you assumed led to the bathroom and closet. "Thank you for arranging this for me, Gojo-sama."

You moved your gaze down as you turned to face him. "Of course," he chirped.

Silence once more.

He sighed audibly. "You're gonna hurt your neck if you keep looking down like that, pretty girl. Especially with that monstrosity on your head," he said softly as he approached you. You stilled, jumping a bit as Satoru reached his hands forward to grasp the top of the headpiece. "Shh, I'm not gonna hurt you, okay? Just taking it off for you," he murmured when he saw you tense up. He removed the headpiece gently, letting your hair fall. He resisted the urge to touch the soft locks upon seeing them unbound, and instead opted for setting the headpiece on a side table. "There. Feels a lot better, doesn't it?"

"Yes. Thank you, Gojo-sama." You still didn't look at him. After a pause you asked, "May I go change now?"

Why did you ask for permission? "Sure," he answered, a little confused as he watched you retreat into the bathroom. He stood awkwardly in the room as he heard you shuffle around behind the door. He sighed and leaned against the bed. What was it that had you so... uptight? Why wouldn't you relax?

Meanwhile, you made yourself busy undressing and slipping out of the heavy fabrics of your wedding garb in the bathroom, hanging up the piece and choosing a simple, flowing dress to change into. You looked into the mirror once more, and paused.

You had forgotten about the white lace lingerie your handmaidens had forced you into while dressing you this morning. A provoking technique, they had called it. It was beautiful, the entire ensemble having been comprised of silk and lace with little flowers adorning it, but you felt incredibly uncomfortable now that you saw yourself with it on. You felt more like a prized ham, wrapped up and ready to be eaten. And that is my responsibility tonight-

Your thoughts were broken by the sound of movement coming from the room. Right. He's still out there. You thought back to how he had taken off your headpiece. You couldn't help but be frightened for a moment, but then the way he removed it had been... gentle, as all his other actions toward you had been.

You were used to men like him: large, imposing sorcerers, with big egos and even bigger amounts of cursed energy. However, when any of those men came close to you, maybe even to just put a hand on your shoulder, their touch was also gentle, but not in the way Satoru was. They were gentle and domineering. Satoru had been both gentle and considerate.

But what he had called you...

It still felt like he was trying to get something out of you. And you didn't like it.

You slipped on the dress over the lingerie, letting the soft velvet material warm you as the skirt ended at your ankles. You had always liked this evening dress.

Satoru's head shot up when he heard the door click open. You stepped back into the room, ready to be led. Your apparel took him aback at first. He had expected you to choose something comfortable, a t-shirt and leggings at least, but you still came out dressed like you were going somewhere. You looked beautiful though, and he supposed it was nice to see you in something that wasn't clan-styled regalia (didn't matter that he was still wearing his outfit from today).

Satoru said nothing as you took his arm and let him lead you into the estate. Although he didn't look directly at you, he observed your movements. Beautifully robotic was the way he could best describe it. But why?

Then it dawned on him. The wedding had been ceremonial, so your actions there he could ignore, but everything after... it was like you were still in the ceremony, even in this moment. He saw it firsthand when you said your goodbyes to your family. You would be seeing them so much less now that you were married, yet neither of your parents nor siblings hugged you or expressed any emotion when sending you off.

Then finally with himself. You never looked at him. You complimented him at every opportunity. You asked for permission to go get dressed.

He could never get you to relax. To be comfortable. It was like you were being monitored by some invisible camera that he couldn't see and that you feared.

Duty. 100% a duty.

He looked down at you once more as you walked down the hallway, eyes trained ahead. Yes, those eyes had been his first sign, he realized. For what once held liveliness and curiosity in youth had been replaced with a senseless, dull husk of what he remembered.

Something had happened in those seven years since he last saw you. He felt sorry for you.

He felt sorry because he felt like this was somehow his fault.

But that wasn't going to stop him from trying to be the best he could to you.

___________________________________________________________

An hour later, Satoru had shown you about half of the estate, everything between recreational rooms, kitchens, dining rooms, and his own personal office. Yet, as he talked, you seemed disinterested, elsewhere.

The both of you were on the first floor, walking down a hallway with floor to ceiling windows on the left wall.

"There's not much left to show you, or at least anything that's interesting anyway. If there's anywhere else you'd like to..." Satoru's voice trailed off when he looked at you again, staring out of the windows as you passed.

There. You looked out the windows toward the estate garden, your eyes wide, glittering, and curious. He opened his mouth and then closed it. You looked like a little girl staring at a new doll in a toy store. Finally, something that he could read from you that you refused to hide. Wonder and interest.

Satoru stopped walking when the two of you reached a set of glass doors that led outside. "Do you want to see the garden?" he asked, almost chuckling when you nodded eagerly. "Let's go then." He opened one of the doors to let you through, watching you with amusement. You still kept your face neutral, hands folded over your chest as you stepped out into the open air before walking, practically running, over to the vast flower beds and trees across the lawn.

He just stared as you bursted with this sudden childlike excitement. So you can be won over somehow. Satoru laughed under his breath, a small smirk on his face as he went to join you. You started by walking between bushes, running your hands along any part of the plants as you could. He never would have guessed that you were interested in plants, but now that he thought about it, it made sense. He could see you being the type of girl that's interested in feminine things. Things like dresses, books, and maybe even chocolate desserts. Things like flowers.

You were kneeling next to a bush of blue hydrangeas as he approached. He thought you looked perfect like this, the moonlight playing off of your hair, skin, and dress while you ran your fingers along petals. However, when you realized he was getting closer, you quickly got up and returned to how you were in the foyer: standing straight, hands clasped, and head bowed. It stopped Satoru in his tracks, but also made him understand a little more of how you worked.

You must see a husband, him, as an authority figure that you have to please. Satoru didn't know why. Maybe your family pushed you to be a good wife, but now you're just taking it too far. You must be able to relax when you're comfortable, or when you're alone. That had to be it. Right now, you seem to view this place as comforting, so he had to be the same.

And if he seemed to make you feel uncomfortable, he would leave you alone.

But first, he had to try to get through to you.

"Do you like gardens?" Satoru asked, even though the answer was really fucking obvious.

"Yes, Gojo-sama," you replied. "I like flowers and plants. They are a great enjoyment of mine. Your garden is the most magnificent I have ever seen."

It was the best Satoru had ever seen too, but at this point, he couldn't tell if you were lying to him just to make him happy. He took a step closer and huffed a little. "Y'know... you don't have to call me that. I mean, I'm your husband, not the emperor," he chuckled, though he was dead serious. Laughing through it was the only way to show that he wasn't mad at you. "Why do you like flowers? Or these ones in particular?" He gestured to the bush that you had been admiring.

If you were nervous or scared, you didn't show it. You seemed to be pondering for a moment as you looked at the bush. "I... don't know. Flowers have interested me since I was a child. I used to keep up a garden at home."

A garden that you'll never get to take care of again, he realized. "Well, if you want or... if you need something to do, I can have someone show you where we keep our gardening supplies. You can do as much or as little as you like of course."

Your eyes lit up at the request. "That would be lovely, Gojo-" He could tell you were about to add the "-sama" at the end, but stopped yourself. He still smiled at the way that you seemed to beam in the current setting.

"What other things do you like? Do you have any hobbies?" Satoru asked, watching as you continued to run your hands along the plant.

"I like music," you stated.

"Really? You play any instruments?" He proceeded to raise his eyebrows as you listed a slew of different types that you knew how to play, though you added that piano was your favorite. "What else?"

"I like... cooking, and cats, and," you settled one of the hydrangeas in your hand, "the color blue."

Satoru hummed in response. He felt like he was getting somewhere. "Really? Well in that case, I guess I should've had your room be that color."

"Purple is still just as nice," you replied with a small smile. It was brief, but he could tell it was genuine. It took his breath away. It was almost embarrassing, this effect you were having on him.

"Yeah, I guess." Satoru dared to move a step closer to you. He could see you tense, and decided this was as far as he would get. Maybe now was the time to get some answers out of you. He watched your hand continue to rub the petals. "How do you feel about... all of this. Really."

"Your garden is dazzling-"

"No, I mean our... situation. Be honest with me," he said gently, but the way he worded it almost made it sound like he was pleading with you.

You paused before answering. Your hand stopped moving. "This marriage is just as important to me as it is to my father and the Kamo name. I will do right by him to ensure that it succeeds. And not just for him, but for you as well." Your tone was light and sophisticated, your voice sweet as can be, but it still felt fabricated. Rehearsed. Satoru wasn't buying it.

After a few moments, he decided to try something a little bold. "Look. I'm not your father, okay? And this isn't the Kamo estate. You don't have to be so... restrictive around me. I know this is, like, your first time ever talking to me, but I'm not some authoritarian." He almost regretted the words when he saw your guilty face. "But of course, that also means I'm not going to control the way you act. You can do whatever you want, say whatever you want. It's all fine by me." Silence again. "(Y/N)?"

You seemed... confused. Satoru spoke again. "Are you feeling alright? All I'm saying is I want you to be comfortable here. If that means... not interacting with me as much, then I get that."

Still nothing.

Satoru sighed. Maybe he needed to take a different approach. Maybe he just needed to leave you alone for a while. "If there is... anything else you want to see, I can show you. Otherwise, I'm going to go to bed. You can stay out here as long as you want..." he said softly. He began to turn away from you, listening for your movements as he started to walk inside. You only walked from your spot and moved further into the garden.

The halls echoed with the sound of his footsteps. That went... much differently than expected.

He thought back to fantasies he used have of what this night would look like: learning more about you, showing you around the estate, laughing with you until both of your stomachs went numb.

Kissing you for the first time in that garden, and, if you wanted it, carrying you back to his room in seconds.

But as he thought more about it, Satoru realized just how unlikely those scenarios would have been, especially with the current situation. He speculated that your behavior was a combination of your familial expectations, anxiety, and the fact that you were meeting him for the first time. Not to mention, he knew he wasn't the most approachable-looking person in the world.

This was going to take some time. He would let you get used to the house first, get used to seeing him and the other staff around. Then eventually, you might begin to open up to him once you felt safe.

Or you might not talk to him at all.

Satoru really hoped it didn't come to that.

___________________________________________________________

Some time ended up being much longer than what Satoru thought you would need. It had been a week since you last spoke, and you made no effort to approach him.

He did get some semblance of a routine you kept. You were definitely a busy body, always up and ready with a full breakfast waiting for him on the dining room table before he was up (although, since he had the following two weeks after the wedding off, he was sleeping in later than normal). By the time he was finished eating and getting ready for his day, you had gone halfway through your daily routine, which included cleaning and managing the state of almost every room in the whole building. Once that was finished, you prepared lunch, taking your portion out to the garden to eat. The rest of the day you used for your own recreation, usually something along the lines of taking walks, reading, or taking care of different parts of the garden. Of course, you still had time set aside to make him dinner before you stayed in your room for the rest of the night.

Just noticing the things you do throughout the day was a source of admiration from him alone. Satoru knew that the kind of work he did would be considered maddening and dangerous, yet he accomplished everything with ease. He couldn't help but think of you in the same light. You completed the same tasks everyday without fail or signs of fatigue (gods know he could barely clean a fucking toilet without gagging). He noticed that the meals you cooked were not just chosen randomly, but instead were meant to be perfectly balanced in terms of nutrition while still complimenting every bite he took. In other words, fucking delicious. Satoru knew he wasn't a bad cook either, but you made five star meals like it was no one's business.

He would see you often around the house, your skirts or dresses flowing as you flitted about. He could tell you favored modest clothing, usually in either knee to floor-length dresses, or blouses with skirts of the same length. Your makeup was simple, your hair always done up and clean.

Whenever he was close enough to you or entered a room you were in, you always bowed politely and addressed him, never saying more than was needed, before returning to whatever it was you were working on. Satoru knew if he asked, you would sit down and have a conversation with him or eat with him, but he wasn't going to push it. He wanted to be sure it was something you were okay with.

Yet hours and days dragged with almost no change. What was meant to be your two week honeymoon break passed, and Satoru had to return to his missions. Somehow you had already known what time he gets up to eat, and, just like almost any other day, there was a breakfast waiting for him.

No sign of the person who cooked it, though.

Satoru decided he couldn't take this anymore, the awkwardness and silence. No, he was going to find you and asked if you wanted to eat this breakfast with him.

Luckily, he found you in the kitchen putting away dishes you had just finished washing. "Good morning, (Y/N)," he said, trying to sound as polite as he could without frightening you.

You must have been lost in thought, because you jumped when he said your name and turned towards him.

Head bowed. Eyes down. Hands folded.

He was tired of it.

"Good morning, Gojo," you replied. "I hope you had a restful evening last night."

"I did..." he said. "I was just... wondering if you wanted to eat that delicious-looking breakfast you made with me. You're allowed to say no, of course." He felt stupid having to add that last bit.

"Apologies, Gojo, but I already took my breakfast this morning, but I sincerely appreciate your offer." He felt his stomach drop inside him a little. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

"No, it's fine. I'll be home later tonight." He tried to keep his tone from sounding disappointed. He couldn't be mad at you for eating before he asked you. However, Satoru wanted to end the conversation positively, with something not so... stale. He turned to walk to the door, looking once more over his shoulder at where you still stood. He opened his mouth once, closed it, and then opened it again. "You look gorgeous today, by the way."

That surprised you. Not the words necessarily, nor the fact that these weren't your best clothes, but the way he said it. Like he meant it. It stirred something in you. You decided to look up at him, but he was already gone.

A while later, Satoru was dressed and ready to go, his car parked just outside with the AC blasting. He walked down the grand staircase... with you waiting for him at the bottom.

You were waiting for him. He paused in front of you once he reached the bottom of the steps. You had assumed your usually stance, but... he could tell you wanted to say something.

"I... realized that I never asked what you would like me to make for dinner for when you return..." you said as if you were just realizing that you were standing here, and you needed to make up an excuse.

It tugged at his heartstrings a bit. You had never asked if he had a preference for dinner, so... this was you trying to approach him to start a conversation. "Well, whatever you want to make is fine. You're such an amazing cook. I would never not eat anything you make," Satoru exclaimed with a small smile before leaning in a bit as if telling you a secret. "But, if I must request something, I reallyyy like mochi desserts," he whispered before pulling away. "But you didn't hear it from me."

Your small smile and barely noticeable laugh made his heart explode. Pride swelled in his chest. So you have a sense of humor in some regard...

He smiled and walked past you to the door, walking through before-

"Gojo," you called from across the room. Satoru turned at the sound of you calling his name.

"Have... have a nice day today..." you said, giving him a small bow.

His eyes widened in surprise before he flashed you a grin. "You too, pretty girl." And just like that, he left, the door shutting behind him.

Satoru was trying to do his best not to holler in excitement on the other side of the door. You went out of your way to meet him at the front door and ask what he wanted for dinner and told him to have a good day? He felt like a middle school girl. A stupid smile plastered itself on his face as he walked to his car.

And stayed for the rest of the day after.

___________________________________________________________

The next few weeks went just the same: him waking up to breakfast that you sometimes stopped by to eat a few bites of, you saying goodbye and asking what he wanted for dinner at the door, and him coming home to that meal in the evening, which you occasionally ate with him also.

Satoru felt pretty spoiled if he was being honest. He never liked those mysogynistic views on gender roles, especially when it came to the roles of a husband and wife, but he was now understanding the appeal. He had assured you a few times that you didn't need to have something home cooked and ready for him each time he came home, and that he was just as fine with takeout, but that never stopped you. He knew it was serious, if not a little concerning, when he asked for a three-tiered Danish cake for dessert as a joke and you had made two because you, in your words, got bored and had the time. He didn't even know he owned the cooking supplies needed to do that. Nevertheless, to say he ate most of that within a few days would be an understatement.

As time grew, Satoru had been able to observe you more closely. There were the normal things, like the type of books you liked to read (mostly poetry), what time you liked to take your walks (sometime between 3:00 and 6:00pm), and what days you went to the grocery store and farmers market (Wednesdays, if he's correct) despite household staff insisting to him to tell you to stop because it was technically their job. He could never find himself to do so.

Then there were a few... less fortunate things. You still don't look up at him, for starters, and your voice still retained that proper, unnatural tone. Besides the times where you say goodbye to him in the mornings, you always observe and never speak unless he speaks to you. You have a cell phone, but you almost never use it, so he assumed you probably have no friends that you contact, or even family that wanted to contact you for that matter. Lastly, among a few more things, you always try to sneak an ice pack from the fridge some nights when you think he can't see it in your hand as you walk back to your room with it. He never knew what it was for, until he saw it on your neck while you read in the library, something he had to peak through the doors to see.

You get neck pains because of the subservient posture you forced yourself to have around him, and Satoru started to think just how far back this training you had been given goes. He knew that you couldn't get neck pains from bowing if you've only been doing it for a month.

One day, he brought the situation up to Yaga as they watched some student sorcerers training out on the grounds. "You really don't know the kind of backwards training the Kamos put their girls through?" Yaga asked, fixing a stitch on one of his jujustu dolls. "I thought you knew what you were getting into, especially since you're in one of the clans yourself."

"Well, I'm starting to see it," Satoru says with a wince. "I just don't know how to get her to... relax, I guess. Act normal, y'know?"

"Do you think she even knows how?" Yaga mused. Satoru went still. "The Kamos are traditionalistic; their customs span all the way back to the Golden Age of Jujustu as a way to preserve the glory of that time period. This includes how they train their... females."

Satoru furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't know much," Yaga said, a piece of the string in his mouth as he adjusted a stitch. "The kinds of things like how to please a husband, how to raise kids, how to behave around authority figures, which includes men. Weird stuff like that. And if (Y/N) is Arao Kamo's only daughter that was betrothed to marry the Six-Eyes wielding Gojo clan head, you can expect her to be well educated in that regard."

Satoru sighs. He felt stupid for not looking into that, for chalking it up to some kind of anxious defense when it was much more than that. "I'm a real fucking idiot."

"Yeah, well, while that may be true, there's not much you can do but give it time. With the kind of stuff she was brainwashed to believe, the least you can do is give her some patience," Yaga said, finishing up his patch.

"True, but that'll take forever," Satoru groans, looking out at the young sorcerers sparring. "She won't do anything unless I tell her to. She doesn't know what it's like to just... have some sort of free will."

"Then maybe show her what's like to have one," Yaga says with a groan, settling back into the bench they were sitting on.

There was a pause before Satoru chuckled. "This is the one time you've actually given me advice that I considered listening to."

"Good. You should, otherwise I'll send you on another mission from this weekend," Yaga grumbled.

"Fine, I'll listen."

___________________________________________________________

That next day, Satoru planned on asking you about something when he saw you before he left.

"Hey, pretty girl," he quipped with a smile as he walked down the stairs, enjoying the slight blush that formed on your cheeks, something he had noticed the past few times he called you that.

"Good morn-" your gentle words were cut off by a sudden cough and a sniffle that caught his attention. He stepped in front of you.

"Hey, are you alright? Is your throat okay?" he asked, his usual teasing tone replaced with one of concern.

You seemed to pause for a moment before speaking. "I'm alright. Something caught in my throat is-" You coughed again, this time more aggressively as you turned to cover it.

Satoru's brow furrowed. He gently pulled your chin so you could face him again. He felt your forehead with the back of his hand. "You're burning up, (Y/N). You probably have a fever."

"I can assure you, Gojo, I feel-" You gasped as you were suddenly lifted into his arms, his hands resting underneath your back and knees as he walked you back up the stairs. He smiled a little when he felt you throw your arms around his neck.

"Please don't lie to me, (Y/N). How long have you been feeling like this?" Satoru asked calmly as he carried you to your room. You looked down at the floor.

A pause. "About the past two days." Satoru sighed.

He opened the door to your room and set you down on the bed. "Hold tight, okay? I'm just going to go grab some things..." He left and returned a few minutes later with an ice pack wrapped in a towel, some medicine, and a glass of water.

Setting the items down on your bedside table, Satoru started by ripping two pills out of their packaging and handing them to you with the water. "Why have you been walking about like normal when you've been feeling this way for the past two days?"

You took a moment to take the pills before answering. "I am well enough to complete my usual routine, so I saw no need for rest. I had the staff prepare your meals to make sure you did not catch my illness," you replied weakly, trying not to cough.

Satoru shook his head. "But we have people hired here to do those tasks anyway. You still need to take care of yourself." Your brow furrowed.

"But I'm still-"

"Don''t fight me on this," Satoru butted in. You lowered your head, eyes despondent. "I don't mean to say I don't appreciate what you do every single day. Really, I really appreciate it. But I don't want you doing anything when you're clearly feeling like shit."

"My apologies-"

"Don't apologize. Please." Satoru's mouth tightened when he saw the ashamed look on your face, the way your shoulders caved slightly. He spoke again, this time more smoothly. "I'll call Yaga to cancel my appointments for today. Just let me take care of you... and don't feel bad about it. Okay?"

Satoru didn't care that he was almost begging with you, but he needed you to understand that that's all he really wanted right now. To take care of and cater to you for a change instead of you constantly doing so for him.

"But, you might get sick too..." His chest tightened a little at the guilt you displayed, your tone of voice, the slight whine in it.

"That's fine. Just means I don't have to go to work longer," Satoru chuckled, moving to sit on the edge of the bed next to your legs. "But don't think that's the only reason I'm here with you now, of course."

Your lips moved into a small, downturned smile as you huffed a laugh. You weren't even smiling in full, yet he thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

A sharp, painful sounding cough from you broke the silence. Satoru handed you the water again, propping another pillow behind your head. Once you finished, he took the water from you and handed you a woolen blanket that you had resting on the end of your bed. "I'll get some lozenges for your throat and some tissues. For now, just rest for me, okay? I'll come back to check on you, but if you need anything just yell. I'll be in my room," he said as he adjusted the ice pack onto your forehead.

"Okay," you whispered. You looked almost... stunned. Like you never expected this. It made Satoru sadder than he would like to admit.

After a few seconds, he stood, turned off the lights, and shut the door quietly. He walked away right before the sound of your soft cries reached the door.

___________________________________________________________

Satoru looked after you for the next two days, making sure you took medications and got proper rest. Even when you were well enough to get back on your feet, he still made your meals and brought you ice packs and popsicles at night for your throat.

He apologized the first few times he served you food, scratching the back of his head and laughing. Sure, his grilled cheese and tomato soup wasn't bad, but it was embarrassing compared to your culinary genius. You never replied, looking back at him with a perplexed expression.

Satoru noticed this, and he had his suspicions as to why you may be confused. Because you had been living with him for the past month and a half, he was able to easily discern what your looks meant, or at least, what he thought they meant. Your confusion was not necessarily because of actual confusion, but rather, because you weren't used to gestures like this. It was a little disheartening, of course, but slowly, you began to accept them with a small smile and nod of your head. It put him at ease to see you that way.

Now was the third day Satoru stayed home to be with you, and because you seemed to be doing much better, he knew this would probably be the last day he would have to do so. Thus so, he wanted to make the most of it.

It was early afternoon when Satory began to approach your room. You had taken to sleeping in while being sick, and if there was one thing he had definitely learned from this time with you, it's that you could sleep when you weren't waking yourself up at a certain time. He found it cute, and somewhat surprising.

He snuck into your room as you slept, gently placing the reason he came in on your bedside table: a vase, with those blue hydrangeas in it. And just as he was about to walk out, you called his name.

Satoru stilled and turned slowly. You were staring at the flowers on the bedside with a haphazard, exhausted look on your face. God, and just when he thought this moment couldn't get any more precious...

"Fuck, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. Goddamn, and I had it all planned out too! Having you wake up to flowers, I was just gonna get cracking on some blueberry pancakes and everything-"

"Oh... are we celebrating something?" you asked, looking between your hands and the flowers.

"No, 's just because. Unless there's something you want to celebrate? Happy your-fever-decreased-from-103-to-101 day?" he chuckled. "Anyway, I'm going to attempt to make pancakes even though I'm ass at it. Hope you're okay with Frosted Flakes as a fall-back option." Satoru turned towards the door again. This woman has him adding blueberries to his pancakes-

"Satoru...?"

He paused, stopped, buffered, restarted. Did you just call him Satoru? His brain was running laps around the replayed sound of your voice in his head as he turned. He was elated, estatic, down-right jolly, one might say.

And then all that was thrown out the window he faced you completely, and you were looking right at him.

Head up. Eyes bright. Smile... paragon.

"Thank you... for taking care of me."

Satoru knew you weren't just talking about this past three days. He felt like a five year old boy laying his eyes on you again for the first time as he, the ever so confident, swaggering, and teasing Gojo Satoru, flushed. "Yeah, no, it's no biggie, you deserve it cause you do so much and you're my wife so I kind of have to and-" he bumped into the door behind him, "fuck, you know what? I'm just gonna shut up and go... pancakes... haha, yeah..."

This poor man Satoru turned the corner and facepalmed, shutting your door behind him while your small laughs could be heard from the other side of the door. Running a hand through his hair, he tried his best to compose himself while he walked away, but then your face flashed in his mind again, and it was like he had a buzz that reached from his brain down to his whole body. He was smitten.

Once he reached the kitchen, soft music playing from his phone, he searched up that pancake recipe. While he began to get out ingredients, there was a knock as someone entered through the doors that led to the rest of the estate. One of the household staff.

"Sir, there's a guest at the front door," the woman stated.

"Who?" Satoru asked as he leaned over the counter while scrolling through the recipe.

"Arao Kamo, sir."

Fuck.

___________________________________________________________

tags: @leonora13x @cole-silas @feeiry @mysuperrainbow @tw0fvced @emptybrain01 @xixiwang @drilled-brain @lvieee @xxkoyukixx @we-loveebony @sereniteav @ilovecoyotepeterson10 @baby—vera @jebemticeluporodicu @louannfox

I love you guys

[maxtermind]

SCENE 2 :: HOW MUCH TRAGEDY ↳ you were never not mine — carlos sainz ༉‧₊˚✧

★ : pairing :: carlos sainz x reader ★ : genre :: angst; fluff separated by a hidden emotional turmoil, carlos and y/n navigate the complexities of co-parenting their twins amidst the high-stakes f1 world. amidst paddock visits and personal healing, will they go further apart or find their way back to each other? ★ : a/n :: text posts are going to return from tom till then you can enjoy this<3 taglist form is in the series masterlist btw!! HATS OFF TO EVERY SINGLE SMAU WRITER BECAUSE THIS IS SO HARD LMAO

( series masterlist \ main masterlist \ drop a request )

carlos is typing... (y/n's pov)

f1 10 mins ago

f1 LET'S GET THE EUROPEAN LEG OF THE SEASON STARTED! 🇮🇹

username oh the admin knows what they did with carlos at the front lmao username can't wait for the races! let's goooo! 🇮🇹🏁 username so excited for this leg of the season! bring it on! 🤩 username hoping for some amazing races! good luck to all the drivers! 🙌 username here for the racing, not y/n’s drama ⤷ username ugh yes like can we focus on racing and not y/n’s drama? username italy, here we come! forza ferrari! ❤️ ⤷ username poor carlos, dealing with y/n’s drama and still racing username ready for some intense racing action! 🏎🔥 username who else is here for the drama? carlos and y/n's relationship update please! 😂 ⤷ username i hope carlos and y/n figure things out. it was so nice seeing her at the race again

yn.user 20 mins ago

yn.user behind every successful man is his loving fam❤️ congratulations papa sainz

username this is a joke, right? after all the drama? lilymhe wow such a hottie and a MOM? smash! ⤷ yn.user date and time🙏 ⤷ alexalbon uhm... im right here? username weren't you just out with another man? hypocrite ⤷ username loving fam? like she didn't just get caught with another guy? 😂 username wow, pretending everything is fine now? ⤷ username guess she's trying to clean up her image good luck with that username this is so fake everyone knows the truth username acting like a loving family after everything? sure, y/n ⤷ username like who the fuck are you fooling, y/n? we know the real story username you're so pretty, y/n! i bought the tickets just to see you irl username didn't take long for the fake posts to start

carlossainz 20 mins ago

carlossainz victory feels even sweeter with my kids by my side!🏆❤️

username congrats, carlos! the kids are your ONLY real supporters. username so glad you’re focusing on the kids and not the drama. ⤷ username victory without y/n? this is peak comedy😭 ⤷ username way to go, carlos! the kids are all you need! username finally, a win focused on the right people. congrats, carlos! username oh god we really lost the great war huh username great win, carlos! the kids must be so proud. ⤷ username this is the content we love. kids over drama! username well done! no need for distractions we're so proud❤️ ⤷ username the kids are his real mvps so lol username congrats, carlos! the kids are your biggest fans.

twitter

boo is typing... (y/n's pov)

lily is typing… (y/n's pov)

yn.user 20 mins ago

yn.user as my boys said: finally a worthy opponent✨

username this is why some people shouldn't have kids. username she's a mess. no wonder they broke up ⤷ username using her kids for attention. disgusting! carlossainz so you're also bad at scrabble? ⤷ username oh shit carlos didn't come to play ⤷ username you tell her carlos!! username no stability for those poor kids with her around. ⤷ username kids must be so confused with a new man every week username pathetic attempt to make carlos jealous. GROW UP, Y/N!!!

carlos is typing… (y/n's pov)

instagram stories

©maxtermind // do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platforms.

[inkskinned]

okay yes it's often bad and hard and sometimes i am so anxious my whole body feels like it's vibrating but also at the same time the gps took me a different way on my drive and i got to see more of the river than i usually do and yesterday the sun was still above the horizon after 7pm and that was amazing and the whole sky turned an orange-gold like how they try to make ice cream taste; you know, one of those evenings that just tears you open no matter how jaded you get. it's warm for the first time here and people had lined up against the water just to stand outside and watch the sunset

and yeah it's tax season no i haven't done mine yet but when i mentioned it offhand in a single side-comment three days later my friend sent me a list of helpful tips and followed up to see if i'd need help on them

there's this parking lot for a walking trail near where i live and one of the two google reviews is my actual favorite: love it here. there were so many beautiful parking spots but sadly we could only take one. and no this person isn't going to go viral and probably the only people navigating to this spot are extremely local - but there's something so precious to me about someone taking the time to write something that will make strangers in their community laugh, even though there's no way for me to tell them good one! directly

yes i am not doing well sometimes i'm doing even very-badly but recently i have been given enough breathing room to say okay, this situation is bad, but then it will be over, and you will be moving onto the next thing and it's true that i need to get groceries and pay rent and argue with my health insurance but it is also true that in the absolute stress and anarchy of my life today someone recognized my dog before they recognized me and was so excited because "they tell everyone about the greyhound in the area and didn't get a picture before so can they take a picture now please"

in class we all stand in a circle and are all grown adults and for a moment while the teacher is figuring something out, we all hold hands, just to be silly and connected. for no reason at all at 8pm on a thursday my friends and i start breaking out the dance moves to high school musical. my coworker gchats me during a meeting about the book he recommended to me and i'm enjoying reading

i help a high school set up for a star-themed dance and while putting up streamers i find graffiti that says if you're reading this, i love you, and we're both going to get out of here right next to fuck everyone, live out of spite, don't let the fuckers make you die. on the bridge where i walk my dog someone has written i love you and on the sidewalk in chalk someone has written i love you and on the side of the water tower someone has written i love you

at the bottom of a text post an internet poet says - i love you, i love you, i love you. i've never met you, i love you because you exist and we exist together. and isnt that enough for now. just for this moment, i mean. like, if you just close your eyes and breathe - somewhere, across this world, i love you, because you're here with me.

[bimb0fy]

— 03; i watched you change

pairings; luke castellan x hephaestus!reader

warnings; kissing, angst at the end, dark!luke, choking, mentions of swords, swearing, violent tendencies.

summary; luke castellan was always a saint, it was a wonder how he would date a hephaestus girl over the dozens of aphrodite girls wrapped around his finger, he saw you, and he loved you for it. you'd be an idiot if you said you didn't love him to, but something was going on, he was. changing.

word count; 2.07k words.

a/n; a part is kinda inspired by that one scene of nate jacobs and maddie perez, yes the one where he choked her, also I am on my last stray since I finished, then tumble deleted the whole thing which I loved, alsooo uh sorry for the late upload i had so many exams :((.

masterlist!! | navigation!!

i. I love everything you do, when you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do.

— high-school sweethearts, melanie martinez.

You smiled as you sat down at the breakfast table, your hair in a bun and your were still in your pj's. It was your day off so you decided to take breakfast, then snuggle up to your new boyfriend's, Luke, cabin.

"Hey mender." Luke said as he sat down beside you, kissing your cheek as you smiled, you took a bite of your mac and cheese, Luke's hand wrapped around you.

"So, tell me, how's the best swordsman at camp huh?" You joked as he smiled. You both took your scraps, placing it into the fire before walking off back to the hermes cabin.

Even though most of the Campers lived in the hermes cabin, it somehow was always empty during the morning, most people going back during either lunch or at the end of the day.

So here you were, on the bed with Luke's mouth latched onto your neck.

Ever since that night, Luke was addicted to you, the way you tasted, the sweet noises that erupted your mouth whenever he touched that one spot on your skin.

"Luke. You'll make marks!" You giggled as he laughed, slowly raises his head to look at you.

"Too late baby." He winked before rasing your shirt, pressing soft kisses to your stomach as you laughed. You playfully shoved him as he smiled, looking up and laying down beside you, moving his hand so you'd lay on his chest. "Fine. You win mender."

"No way, I beat the Luke Castellan?" You teased as he rolled his eyes, placing a soft kiss to your forhead before taking out a scrap book you had made and a Polaroid.

"Cmon let's get your first win into our amazing book of memories." He snaped a picture as you giggled, he smiled at the picture as he glued it on.

Her first win!!

Luke castellan gets beat up by a woman half his size. NOT CLICKBATE. CANON EVENT!!

Baby wtf.

Luke closes the book, taking the pen and placing it on top of the book as he turned back to face you. He watched as you traced soft patterns onto his hand. "I love everything you do. You're mine, and I love that."

He pushed your hair to the side to see your giggling face. You couldn't help but smile, kissing his lips. "I'm all yours."

He grabbed your waist, pushing you down onto the mattress as you groaned. "Luke-. I have to go to work."

"And suddenly my names work." He jokes as he hugged your waist, placing soft kisses onto your neck. You giggled before wrapping your arms around the boy. "You mean the world to me. You know that right?"

"I know luke. I know." You whispered as you played with his hair. You sat in silence, playing with his hair as he closed his eyes, falling asleep on your chest. "Ten minutes."

Luke smiled at your words as he hugged you tighter. "Thirty and you got yourself a deal."

ii. just trust me, you'll be fine.

— end of beginning, djo

Chris smiled as he passed by you. It was weird being the center of attention now, everyone needed to figure out the hot gossip about Luke Castellan's new girlfriend, and to their shock, she wasn't an aphrodite girl.

Everyone knew that Hephaestus' daughters were rather, boyish, only because there were very little, being surrounded by men in a job that most people would assume a man to do was well, difficult.

Luke saw you. He saw who you were. Not what your sibling saw, not what camp saw. He saw what he wanted to see, and that was all of you.

You sat down by the docks, the same docks of that night. You two would always meet up there to catch up and spend time together, but here you were, an hour later still sitting alone on the dock.

You started to give up, standing up to walk away but you heard Luke's faint calls. You turned around to find a man you almost didn't recognise.

The once shining Luke had eyebags under his eyes that were bigger than yours. He was wearing sweatpants and a tank top, yet you could see tracs of sweat around it. He wasn't out of breath so he hadn't ran, maybe he did, what was going on?

"Luke? Heavens have you been sleeping?" You asked him as he held your hands away from his face. He gave he a small smile.

"I'm fine." He rasped. You shook your head, holding onto his cheek as you looked at him. "Don't."

"Luke." you scoffed as he shoved your arms off of him. You had a pained expression on your face, hugging yourself with your jacket as you looked at him. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before walking towards you, placing his hands onto your shoulders.

"I'm sorry I'm just, really tired." Luke muttered before hugging you. "And I'm sorry I was late, I uh, took a nap after training and lost track of time I suppose."

You hugged back, he quickly carried you which caused you to squeal as he set you down onto the dock. He smiled as he sat down in front of you, the picnic basket empty as he chuckled. "Someone was hungry."

"And someone was late." You giggled as he dramatically rolled his eyes, he smiled before taking your hand in his, looking out to the lake, clearly thinking about something. "Are you okay Luke?"

You waited for a response but he just stared out. You were starting to get worried, what the hell was going on? "Luke?"

"hm?" He said as he turned back to you. You could feel his arms tense around you, his breath hitched as you said his name. You needed to know what was going on.

"You know you can talk to me. Right baby?" You asked the boy who kissed your cheek before turning to the soft waves.

You didn't understand why he was keeping secrets from you, were you that bad? Were you not as supporting as you thought you were?

"I know mender. I know." He whispered in your ear as you melted into his grasp. A smile on your face.

He's fine, he says he's fine so he has to be. Right?

iii. Was it my August? Shit, I don't remember

— Gone gone/thank you, Tyler the creator.

"Where is he?" You asked Chris as he sat quietly, playing with his food. You glared at him, leaning onto the table as you glared at him, your eyes glowing orange, fire swimming in them.

Luke had been ignoring you for two weeks now, you had no clue if it was because you did something wrong, and if you did, you wanted to solve it.

That was until Max, your brother, had told you that he was giving Stacy Evans, aphrodite's prettiest daughter, extra sword fighting lessons.

"Hermes cabin bathroom." Chris muttered as you hummed in approval, walking off to find Luke.

Ever since your last interaction on the beach, you haven't seen him. Some would say you were worried, and if the right person asked, you were worried.

Little did you know, that Luke wasn't running from you. He was protecting you. From himself.

He did know how, how the he'll could everything about you agitate him. He hated it, he hated how every time he heard your name, he wanted to punch someone.

He hated how whenever he saw you laughing with your brothers, he wanted to smash your head against the wall, he wanted to hurt you.

He didn't know why. Why you out of everyone. You were a Saint, you were perfect to him, perfect for him. Suddenly, without warning now he's ignoring you.

You loved Luke, and Luke loved you, but now. Even at the mention of you, he wanted to stab you with his sword and watch you bleed.

You knocked on the door, hearing shuffling as you waited for him. Your eyes widened as you heard muttering coming from the other end of the door.

You barged in, finding Luke huddled up over the sink, clearly irritated by you. You glanced at the sword on the bathroom counter.

"What the fuck is wrong with you mender! You can't just barge into the men's bathroom." He spat out as you scoffed, you locked the door, walking towards him.

"What the fuck is wrong with me? What's wrong with you?!" You spat out as he let out an agitated sigh, clutching the sinks frame as his eye twitched. You shoved him to look at you, his breathe staggering as he stared at you.

"You know you're a real shit boyfriend you know! Missing out breakfast because im there, wow I mean. Master of communi-fucking-cation right!" You laughed as you watched his reaction. His eye twitched more, his mouth agap as he panted, he was controlling himself. He was on his last straw.

He wasn't even listening to what you were saying now. He was just trying to keep his thoughts at bay, he couldn't hurt you. If je hurts you, it was over.

"You really are your father's son huh?!" You spat out, that was all it took for him to lose his sense of control. He grabbed you by the throat, shoving you into the wall as he smashed your head against the wall, before wrapping his hand around your neck again.

He lifted you up, you kicked your feet as you tried to pry him off, stopping as he shoves you against the wall again, clearly agitated by the fact that you tried to pry him off.

"What the fuck is wrong with you. Don't you ever say that again you little bitch." He Luke spat. An evil laugh escaped his lips as he leaned in to face you. "You really are a pathetic whore huh. No wonder your mom left you."

Soft cries left your lips as he tightened his grip around your throat. You started to feel nauseous as you found it harder to breathe. Clawing at his hands.

"L...Luke..." You struggled under him, even though he was two times your size, even though you had no chance against him. You watched as the darkness in his eyes was replaced by realisation.

He let go, allowing you to fall on your knees as you sobbed and panted. The air suddenly returning to your lungs. Luke hovered over you, panting as he realised who was on her knees before him.

"Y/n." He breathed out, you shook your head at the mention of your name. He sighed grabbing a rag and before wetting it and holding it out for you.

You took it, holding it against the bruises that already formed.

He did it, he hurt you and he wanted to kill himself right at that moment.

"Mender. I... I." He didn't know what to say. You kept your gaze onto the floor as you cried. Unsure of what to do, what to say, as you rubbed the bruises. "Listen, I know you want to run of to Chiron and-."

"I won't. Don't worry." Your voice cracked as you looked up at him, standing up and walking to the door. But Luke's voice stopped you.

"Why?" Luke asked you as you shrugged. You hovered over the doorknob, sighing as you opened the door, leaving Luke alone in the bathroom.

He glanced at his hands, sobbing as he fell to his knees, he hurt you. He hurt you. He did the one thing he was afraid to do. The voices in his head won, he had lost you, the only thing that mattered to him.

He was weak, he allowed him to hurt you, he allowed this to happen. You were the best thing to ever happen to him, and somehow he messed it up.

You were special, not like the aphrodite girls who only cared about looks and who hooked up with who, most people saw him as Luke Castellan, most popular guy at camp.

In your eyes, he was Luke Castellan, another mediocre privileged guy, but he was yours, and you loved him for the good and bad in him.

Don't cry my child, it'll be over soon.

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

the treacherous tyrant

the wistful wyvern, chapter three

a/n: I'm just gonna take this moment as an excuse to say that if you haven't yet checked out the info or maps about this world i've created, then i highly recommend you do, it'll make it much more fun, for example when we hop around from place to place in this one? you can spot on the map where we are.

summary: halting a moment, he turned to tug your horse’s reins out of your grasp and let her stand on her own, “look, just follow my lead,” before he turned with the expectancy of you shadowing him, “I have a plan.” 

warnings: knight!bucky barnes x knight!reader, fantasy AU (monsters, but not much magic), original fantasy world, ex-friends to lovers, coworkers to lovers, former fuckboy!bucky, tattooed!bucky, slow burn, one-sided pinning, forced proximity

word count: 1374

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“What is it?” you asked when Bucky suddenly leapt off his horse and kneeled down to investigate a spot on the dusty path that split the treacherous terrain. 

“…boot marks…” he mumbled, “fairly recent too…” 

It had been a week or so that you’d been stuck trying to navigate through the jagged landscape of The Asadånie Mountains. From climbing rocky hillsides to the crumbly trail you now followed, it had been hard to know if you were making any headway at all or simply walking in circles. 

Straightening back up to his full height, you slid off your horse as well just as a low rustling noise, from further up where the path curved, found both your alert ears. 

Swiftly, you rushed in behind the tall shrubs that grounded the thin pine trees that shot up towards the blue skies above the mountains. 

The bigger of the peaks before you appeared to open up into a dark cave. In the mouth of it, posted just outside, stood three figures that sent a chill down your spine. 

Silently nudging the knight hiding beside you, his eyes too grew wide with recognition of the uniforms they wore. 

“What are Oblén soldiers doing up here in the mountains?” he whispered, sharing a glance with you before you turned your gaze back to the guards. 

A fourth figure then appeared, marching out of the cavern and prompting the other warriors to go rigid at his presence. 

“Commander Abbot,” one of the soldiers addressed the man clad in gilded armour, “did it go as planned?”

“Well, I still have my head, you idiot,” he rolled his eyes, “so yes, it went as well as it could.” 

“So, The Treacherous Tyrant is agreeable to the king’s orders, then?” one of the others asked as their commander began to walk away from the grotto, the guard’s feet slightly shuffling to keep up, “will he strike again before next full moon?” 

“As long as we keep his dearest safe, then he will continue to do as the king commands.” 

You both stood frozen, hidden behind the flora as the soldiers from the southern kingdom passed, scarlessly even breathing at all before they were long gone. 

“The dragon’s in cahoots with them?” you uttered as you guided your horse back up onto the narrow path, “how is that even possible?”

With his gaze low to the ground, Bucky then mumbled, “The Treacherous Tyrant… I’ve heard that before… what was it…” he shut his eyes a moment, “Farrowghol,” his vision blinked open once more as he remembered, “Farrowghol, The Treacherous Tyrant.”

“Holy fuck…” you shuttered, unable to stop the terror that began to rain down upon you as you stared over at Bucky and saw the wheels in his brain still turning. 

“They mentioned something about keeping something dear to him safe?” his features crinkled up in thought before unfurling with clarity, “oh, what if–…” and before he could finish his own sentence, share his brilliant idea with you, his feet began to move. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I have a feeling,” he began to walk towards the cave entrance, “something’s off.”

“You have a feeling? You’re gonna go get flambeed based on a fucking feeling?”

Halting a moment, he turned to tug your horse’s reins out of your grasp and let her stand on her own, “look, just follow my lead,” before he turned with the expectancy of you shadowing him, “I have a plan.” 

“Fuck your plan!” you screeched, standing your ground, “I’m not going in there!”

But as you watched him get swallowed by the darkness of the cave, only a few seconds passed by before a sharp curse burst out of you and you reluctantly followed him inside. 

Catching up to him, the dark tunnel soon unfolded into a vast and echoing grotto. Stalagmites burst up from the rocky floor and surrounded various mountainous boulders that might have crashed from parts of the caved-in ceiling where light now streamed in through the cracks and lit up the dim interior. 

For a moment, you thought perhaps the beast had flown away right before you’d entered the cavern.

But that moment didn’t get to linger for long as one of the enormous silhouettes you’d assumed was just another boulder began to move. 

The deep growl that then rumbled throughout the lair caused the small rubble on the ground to vibrate around your boots. 

Its scales were such a murky brown that it nearly looked pitch black, and as it reflected in the rays of light gushing in from above, an opalescent sheen glistened on its hide at its movements as its head unfurled, towering above you and eclipsing the low light before its wide jaw unhinged and a smouldering glow began to appear in the back of its throat. 

Throwing an arm around your waist, Bucky yanked you with him as he ducked behind a nearby boulder just before the monster began to spew fire at you. 

As flames licked up the sides of the rock, the view of them cresting over the top caused you to curl further into Bucky’s side. 

But when the dragon paused a moment, reeling before another go, the man beside you unexpectedly yelled, “we’re here to help!”

Shooting a glare up at him, “what the fuck, man?” you cursed in a hushed tone, “what are you doing? Shaking its hand and offering it a fucking pint?”

The leviathan’s booming rumble then invaded the entire cavern, “Farrowghol doesn’t need the help of wheezily little insects,” his heavy stride shook the space as he circled you like a large cat ready to pounce on their prey. 

“King Ivan has something you love,” Bucky bellowed, “we can get it back for you!” 

Farrowghol then suddenly halted, the entire cavern growing dead quiet. 

“That’s why you’re doing their bidding, correct?” Bucky went on, “they took something from you?” he then shifted, slowly sliding his crossbow off his back, “you can trust us. See?” he tossed the weapon off to the side for the beast to spot, “you and I, we share the same enemy.”  

Squeezing your eyes tightly shut, you thought for sure the dragon would let you feel his wrath once more, but instead, his deep roar resounded once more. 

“Not something,” he corrected, “someone.”

“A person?” Bucky carefully stepped out, leaving your hidden frame still in his eye line as he faced the beast with his palms raised up high. 

“My kin,” the dragon bellowed, “that’s who he has imprisoned. Ready to crush each and every one of them if I don’t obey. They’re hidden deep within his walls, in a chamber made entirely of hellstone,” he spoke of the rare material, which was the only thing known to be able to withstand the obliterating breath of a dragon, “I could never reach them, even if I tried, and I have.” 

“We can get them back!” Bucky promised, “set you free from the king’s control!” 

You couldn’t help but tremble as the beast's words shook the lair once more, “I lost my mate aeons ago… Those eggs are all I have left,” he shared hesitantly, “if something happens to them,” he warned with a crackle that raised the temperature a significant amount, “I will burn down everything you hold sacred.” 

“Sounds fair enough,” your fellow warden nodded tensely, “and if we do this, you’ll hold out on their commands of attack?”

“You have one lunar cycle,” he slowly settled, “if my kin have not returned to my cave within that time, I will not hesitate to strike.”

When you finally exited the cave and the bright sunlight once more licked at your skin, Bucky’s tense shoulders dropped back down with a long exhale, whereas yours, on the other hand, did not. 

“Alright,” he muttered, passing you as he briskly walked up to where your horses were still waiting, “so we just break into the palace in Ingorn. The chamber, it’s probably like a vault or something? That can’t be too hard, right?” 

Trailing behind him, you breathed, “no, it is…” before halting your step completely as you sighed, “fuck…” staring daggers down at the ground as you then uttered, “I have to go speak to my father.”

© 2024 thyme-in-a-bubble 

[moonselune]

Congrats to you!🎉 Very well done.👏

If you are still taking requests, would you mind writing about all bg3 ladies reacting to their pregnant partner being threatened or kidnapped?

Thank you so much !! It's is actually mad to think it's all over now lmao. I really enjoyed writing this and tried not to make it too angsty

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Karlach:

The sun was setting, casting a warm golden glow over the fields as you and Karlach walked hand in hand, your other hand resting gently on your growing belly. The peaceful moment, however, was abruptly shattered when a group of bandits emerged from the shadows, their eyes filled with malice as they pointed their weapons at you.

"Hand over your valuables," one of them sneered, his gaze lingering on you in a way that made Karlach's blood boil.

Karlach immediately stepped in front of you, her posture protective and her fiery gaze locked onto the bandit leader. "You picked the wrong couple to mess with fucker," she growled, her voice low and dangerous.

The bandit leader laughed, clearly underestimating the fierce tiefling. "I said hand over your valuables, foulblood, or dear expectant over there might not be expecting anymore."

The leader gestured for Karlach to look behind her and as she did she saw that two other bandits had snuck up behind you, one dagger pointing at your throat, the other at your bump.

A deadly silence fell over the scene as Karlach processed the threat. You looked at her calmly, you knew you could easily manoeuvre yourself out of the situation, despite being pregnant, but you had no control over what Karlach was about to unleash. Her eyes darkened, flames flickering on her skin, rising higher and higher as her barbaric infernal rage began to boil over. "You just made the worst mistake of your fucking life,"

Without another word, Karlach launched herself at the bandits with a ferocity that took them by surprise. She moved like a force of nature, her fists blazing with infernal fire as she dispatched them one by one. In the chaos you manages to disarm the bandits and hold them at dagger point, though that didn't save them from your beloved's wrath. Her anger was palpable, every strike a testament to her love and protective instincts for you and the unborn child.

As the last bandit fell, Karlach turned back to you, her expression softening as she saw you were safe. She rushed over, pulling you into a tight embrace, her hands trembling slightly from the adrenaline.

"Are you okay, my loves?" she asked, her voice filled with concern as her eyes darted between you and the bump

You nodded, laughing slightly. "We're fine, thanks to you,"

Karlach held you close, her hands gently caressing your belly. "I won't let anyone hurt you or our baby, ever" she vowed, her voice fierce but tender. "You're my world."

You smiled up at her, feeling the love radiating from her, you rested your head on her chest and looked up at her "I know, Karlach. And I love you for it,"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Minthara

The underground passages of the Underdark were treacherous, but you felt safe with Minthara by your side. Her sharp eyes and keen instincts kept you protected as you navigated the dark corridors. An arm looped with hers as your other hand rested on your bump.

As you turned a corner, a group of hostile drow emerged, their weapons drawn and their eyes glinting with malice. The leader of the group, a tall and menacing figure, stepped forward, her gaze fixed on you.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" She sneered, his eyes flicking to your belly. "A pregnant surface dwelling scum. How interesting."

Minthara immediately positioned herself between you and the drow, her expression icy and her hand resting on the hilt of her sword. "If you value your lives, you will leave us be," she said coldly, her voice like steel.

The drow leader laughed, clearly unafraid. "And why should we listen to you, Baenre? You've gone soft, protecting this weakling."

A dangerous glint appeared in Minthara's eyes, and you could feel the tension radiating from her. "I am anything but soft," she replied, her voice low and deadly. "And this 'weakling' is my partner and the mother of my child. You will not touch them."

The drow leader smirked, raising her weapon as if to strike. In an instant, Minthara moved with lethal precision, her sword flashing through the air. She dispatched the leader with a swift, calculated strike, their head rolling to the floor as their body collapsed.

The rest of the gang looked at their fallen leader and Minthara and decided to make a run for it, but Minthara was not so merciful, not when it came in regards to you and the baby.

She hunted them down with lethal and brutal grace, she paved your path with their corpses. As the last of the hostile drow fell, Minthara sheathed her sword and turned to you, her expression softening as she saw you were unharmed. She approached you quickly, her hands gentle as they cupped your face. "Are you hurt? How is the baby?"

You shook your head, a small smile on your face as you wiped a blood splatter from her cheek "No, I'm fine, baby is fine, in fact they were kicking at your violence, taking after you already I fear,"

Minthara let out a breathless laugh and pulled you into a protective embrace, her body tense with lingering anger and fear. "I will never let anyone harm you or our child," she vowed, her voice fierce but filled with love. "You both are mine, and I will protect you with my life."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Lae'zel:

The camp was a mess of panic and fury the moment Lae'zel discovered you were missing. The fact that you were pregnant only heightened her urgency. She remembered reading somewhere that extreme distress could cause early labor, and the thought of you in such danger while carrying her child filled her with a mix of terror and determination.

Lae'zel's search was relentless. She interrogated every lead, fought off numerous enemies, and never stopped for rest. Her fierce nature was amplified by her protective instincts, driving her to push through any obstacle to reach you. When she finally found you, tied up in a dark, dank cave surrounded by hostile enemies, she didn’t hesitate. She charged in with a war cry, her blade flashing with lethal precision.

Within moments, she had dispatched your captors, her chest heaving with exertion and relief as she cut through your bonds. You fell into her arms, your own tears of relief mingling with her own.

“Are you alright?” Lae'zel demanded, her eyes scanning you for any signs of distress or injury. “Is the baby…?”

“I’m fine,” you assured her, even as she continued to hover over you, her hands shaking slightly as she checked you over. “The baby is fine. It’s just… thank you.”

Lae'zel didn’t seem convinced. She kept glancing at your stomach, clearly still worried. “Extreme distress can cause early labor,” she muttered, more to herself than to you. “We need to make sure you’re not—“

“Lae'zel,” you interrupted gently but firmly, placing a hand on her arm. “I promise, I’m fine. The baby’s fine. We just need to get out of here.”

But Lae'zel wasn’t easily swayed. As you made your way back to the safety of your camp, she kept casting anxious glances at you, and more than once, she tried to subtly check if you were showing any signs of early labor. It was both endearing and exasperating.

When you finally reached the camp, Lae'zel insisted you lie down and rest. She hovered around you, attempting to discreetly see if you were dilated, until you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Lae'zel, please,” you said, shaking your head. “I’m not in labor. I just need to rest.”

She frowned, clearly torn between her fierce protectiveness and the logical part of her that knew you were probably right. “I will not leave your side,” she declared, sitting down beside you.

“You’re sweet,” you replied, giving her a tired but affectionate smile. “But I need you to relax. We’re both safe now, thanks to you.”

Lae'zel grumbled but eventually settled down, though she kept a close watch over you, ready to spring into action at the slightest sign of distress. Despite her worries, the two of you finally managed to find some peace, her presence a comforting reassurance that you and your baby were indeed safe.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Shadowheart:

"Shadowheart, can you come here, my love?" Your voice pierced through the calm ambiance of the campsite, pulling Shadowheart's attention away from her task of gathering herbs for your tea.

"Lover, I can't find the mint right now. Just give me a moment," Shadowheart responded, her tone slightly distracted as she continued her search for the elusive herb.

"Forget the mint, my love, come here!" Your urgency was unmistakable this time, tinged with a note of concern that made Shadowheart pause and straighten up.

"Just a second-"

"Shadowheart!"

Shadowheart sighed softly, realizing the seriousness in your voice. She abandoned her search for the mint and turned swiftly back towards the campsite. As she approached, a sense of foreboding gripped her when she saw the group of Sharran followers surrounding you, their weapons drawn and aimed at your pregnant form seated by the fire.

Without hesitation, Shadowheart's fingers flew to her lips and she blew a sharp whistle. In response, owlbear charged forth from where it had been roaming, roaring ferociously as it barreled towards the Sharrans with surprising speed.

Chaos erupted as owlbear tore through the Sharran followers, clawing and biting with unrestrained fury. Meanwhile, Shadowheart wasted no time in unleashing her divine power. With a swift incantation, she called upon her spirit guardians, ethereal forms shimmering around her in a protective aura of radiant energy.

As the Sharrans attempted to regroup and retaliate against the sudden onslaught, they found themselves thwarted at every turn. Any who dared to approach you were met with searing bursts of radiant damage from Shadowheart's guardians, forcing them to retreat or face obliteration.

Shadowheart enveloped you in her arms, shielding you from harm as the battle raged around you. Her eyes blazed with determination, her focus unwavering on ensuring your safety above all else.

Owlbear, now a blur of fur and claws, dispatched the last of the Sharrans with a final swipe, its victory growls echoing triumphantly through the campsite. The enemies defeated, silence settled over the clearing once more, broken only by the crackling of the dying fire and the happy chirps of owlbear.

Shadowheart held you close, her heart pounding with adrenaline and relief. She pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, her touch tender and reassuring.

"Are you alright?" she murmured, her voice filled with concern as she checked over you, ensuring no harm had come to you or the child you carried.

"Thanks to you," you replied softly, your voice laced with gratitude and admiration for the fierce devotion she showed.

Shadowheart's lips curved into a small smile, her gaze softening as she looked into your eyes. "I won't ever let anything happen to you,"

You leaned into her warmth, grateful, though something else was on your mind.

"Can I still have my tea?"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

This was so so so so so so so much fun to write, I love the pregnant reader requests, hope you all enjoy it! - Seluney xox

[littlespoonevan]

I watched the first three seasons of 911 back when that was all that had aired and just didn’t keep watching after the break between seasons for whatever reason. I also didn’t really get buddie, I just thought it was a beautiful friendship. I’m now on a rewatch and just got to the end of season 4 and boy am I all in, Buck’s reaction to Eddie getting shot and the aftermath really made me get it. Anyway, I was wondering if you have any fic recs for a buddie newbie? I’m probably gonna speed through the rest of the show in a few days and need something else to occupy me hahah

hey bud, welcome back to the world of 911!! 🥰 okay so i have some previous fic recs that i've posted here and i also have 489 bookmarks on ao3 which you can have a scroll through here (i only ever bookmark something for rereading or reccing purposes so can confirm i've read and loved them all)

but i'll do my best to make a somewhat cohesive list below of some of my personal faves. i have no doubt i'll probably leave some out accidentally but they'll definitely be in my bookmarks so 100% check those out too!! ❤️

The Nearness of You by allisonRW96 / @homerforsure

Eddie reassured himself that he could do this. Other teams coming in were probably going to be staying at the same hotel in the same double rooms and it was very possible that none of them were going to be having sex. Or even lying awake at night thinking about it. Or: Buck and Eddie go on a work trip.

Leave the Light On (I'll Be Coming Home) by HMSLusitania / @hmslusitania

“We’re here for our grandson,” Helena says. “Chris is still sleeping,” Buck says. “I meant, we’re here to take him back to Texas,” Helena clarifies. “Yeah,” Buck says. He’s too tired, way too tired to be tactful. “Over my dead body.” -- An accident on a call leaves Buck with custody of Chris after Eddie is... missing presumed. While they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite Eddie's parents' best efforts -- a John Doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named Christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home.

To Build a Home We Deconstruct Our Rituals by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels /@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

After the shooting, Eddie realizes he needs to put some things in place. Like who will get his assets if he dies. Who will speak for him if he ends up in a coma. What might happen if his family contests Buck's guardianship. Luckily, he's got a simple easy-peasy solution that won't result in insanity, catastrophe, or heartbreak: Marry Buck.

standing on the brink of emptiness by woodchoc_magnum / @woodchoc-magnum

In which Eddie is struggling in the aftermath of being shot, learning how to take care of himself and realising he's in love with Buck; and Buck is dating Taylor, taking care of Eddie and Christopher and trying to figure out why he's so goddamn confused about everything.

across our great divide (a glorious sunrise) by catchingpapermoons 

“We’re working on it,” Maddie explains, shooting Chimney a look. He nods seriously. “In couples therapy.” “Huh,” Eddie says, and then he thinks about it. "Do you think Buck and I would benefit from couples therapy?" — or, Eddie gets Buck to come to couples therapy with him.

darling, the future's better than yesterday by rarakiplin (gmontys)

Eddie, ten years younger, in this awful 2010, blinks up at him. He's still sitting slumped on the curb, and for a second Buck thinks he might tell him to fuck off, but then his eyes fall shut and there’s something — aching and painfully vulnerable in the bend of his mouth, the faint tension in his brow. “My…um, girlfriend, I guess. She’s pregnant.” “Holy shit,” Buck says. - or, buck deals with some wonky dimensional/time travel and then breaks up with his girlfriend. eddie, obviously, is involved.

i'm here (i’m yours for the taking) by farfromthstars / @buckactuallys

“Everyone!” Around forty heads turn, and Buck shifts on his feet uncomfortably at the attention. “This is my old friend Buck and his husband, Eddie.” “Uh,” Buck makes, turning to Eddie with wide eyes. Eddie's looking just as stunned. “Connor, I think you got–” He cuts himself off when Eddie wraps an arm around his waist. ~ at the winter wedding of an old friend, buck and eddie pretend to be married to each other. the plan has no weaknesses, obviously, not even mistletoe or anyone’s secret feelings… they call it the season of giving i'm here, i'm yours for the taking

Your Fingerprints Smeared on My Heart (Lead Me Back to You) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

In 1880, Evan Buckley of the arriviste set is sent out west to oversee his family's railroad and recover from a broken heart - and meets Eddie Diaz, cowboy. When fate tears them apart, they make a promise: find each other again. In 2018, Buck walks into his fire station in Los Angeles - and meets Eddie Diaz, new recruit.

no kingdom to come by waywardrenegades

Family, FaceTime, guilt trips, phone calls, church, heart healthy meals, and learning how to let yourself be happy. Whatever that looks like. or; when his father experiences a health scare, Eddie flies to El Paso.

when i was shipwrecked (i thought of you) by catchingpapermoons 

Buck walks toward Jee-Yun’s room, still talking, and Christopher trails after him, asking excited questions in response, and Eddie’s smile grows. He wants this forever. Everything, every part of it; Buck, Christopher, and him—that’s all he needs. And— Oh. Oh no. He shuts his eyes for a moment, inhaling sharply. He’s looking at Buck, and feeling something strictly not platonic at all. or: Eddie needs to learn how to let himself feel, and one step at a time, he learns how to do just that. (And he falls in love with Buck along the way.)

i don't swim and you're not in love by hattalove / @hattalove

She turns to Eddie and says something else, but Buck is busy fighting the headrush he gets at the sound of Ana Flores calling Eddie and Christopher 'the boys'. Like they belong to her already. God, what’s wrong with him? What is this? or, eddie cooks, chris domesticates a slug, and buck tries to figure out why he hates his best friend's girlfriend. to everyone's immense shock and surprise, it goes badly.

everything's coming up milhouse by hammersmiths / @bucktommys

LAFD Updates (@L*A*F*D_Metro) LAFD Alert: Red-level traffic on Gardiner Road this morning. If you are trying to get into the city centre consider taking Westerley Lane. buck 🔥🔥 (@firebuck) so true bestie or, Eddie mans the LAFD Twitter account. Buck tries to be supportive.

said i couldn't stay, but it's different now by hattalove

“I think,” he says, watching Karen pull Hen out onto the dance floor, their eyes never leaving each other’s, “I think I’m just—sad.” Maybe. That feels like a close enough word to describe this gaping maw right in the center of his chest. It’s only really there sometimes, taking little bites out of him, easy enough to ignore, but today is worse. “About being single at a wedding,” Eddie says, not a question. Buck shrugs. “Sounds stupid when you put it that way.” or, the one with the four weddings (feat. a drunk karen wilson, shania twain, a single cheerio, and some confessions over cubed fruit).

cause i'm tired of sleeping alone by rarakiplin (gmontys)

Buck goes on dates now. Not often, and never with the same girl twice in a row, but he goes on dates. And the thing is — the thing is, Eddie can’t be mad about that, because he goes on dates too. - or, five (ish) times eddie and buck go on dates with other people, and one time they go on a date with each other

so far from being free by allisonRW96

"That’s Daniel. He was our brother. Buck doesn’t know what to do with the past tense. He never had a brother. He’s always had a brother. He gained one and lost one in the same breath and it feels impossible. But even if Buck was capable of doubting Maddie, the truth of her confession is evident in the way it throws every facet of his childhood into sudden perfect clarity. That yawning, arctic absence. The unnamable fear. The impenetrable target of his parents’ approval that he was never, ever going to be able to hit. That they didn’t want him to hit. He has a brother. A dead brother who has haunted Buck’s steps for his entire life."

don't let the tide come and wash us away by writerforlife

Buck develops a relationship with the ocean, avoids talking about the day Eddie was shot, realizes he might be in love, and drives. Order may vary. (a fic for the "Buck is going to break all the way down in season 6" truthers)

dance, for all that we've been through by catchingpapermoons 

The Los Angeles Ballet’s 2022-2023 season ends with a bang with their fresh take on a ballet staple, Swan Lake. Artistic Director Bobby Nash is in his eighth season with the Los Angeles Ballet, and it has flourished under his direction. However, his associate, Eddie Diaz, is the one whose reimagining of the choreography has caught our attention... (or, Eddie Diaz moves to L.A. to restart his dance career, and ends up choreographing a show, finding a family, and falling in love. Not necessarily in that order.)

I'll Scrawl it on Every Wall I See by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

When Eddie joins the 118, he and Buck don't exactly hit it off on the right foot. Or continue to walk on the right foot. In fact they kind of can't stand each other. Good thing they each have a beloved anonymous pen pal to share their daily woes with, someone completely unlike their insufferable coworker. Or, in which Buck and Eddie love each other before they know each other, and know each other before they love each other. When Eddie joins the 118, he and Buck don't exactly hit it off on the right foot. Or continue to walk on the right foot. In fact they kind of can't stand each other. Good thing they each have a beloved anonymous pen pal to share their daily woes with, someone completely unlike their insufferable coworker. Or, in which Buck and Eddie love each other before they know each other, and know each other before they love each other.

never felt this way before (yes i swear) by withoutthetiger

It’s the summer of 2022, when Buck no longer wants to be called Evan, and it only occurs to his parents to mind. It’s after the pandemic – or so they say – and before whatever hell will befall the world next, when Buck can’t wait to join the LAFD in September, and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever meet someone as gently strong and fiercely protective as his big sister. It’s the summer he goes with his family to the One Eighteen Ranch & Lodge. *** A Dirty Dancing AU, set in Texas in 2022, featuring a whole lot of familiar faces in a not so familiar place.

Fragile lines (and wasted time) by Mellaithwen / @mellaithwen

“Hey Buck,” Christopher says a little shyly, before reaching out to grab Buck’s foot through the hospital blankets—shaking it in the same way he’s woken his father up on many a bleary-eyed morning. The familiarity of the gesture makes Eddie’s head spin. But of course, there’s no response from the comatose man on the bed. “I thought you said he was sleeping,” Chris mumbles, angrily swiping at his cheeks, and Eddie’s already broken heart shatters all over again for whatever hope his son had just lost when his expectations were so cruelly dashed. . While Buck sleeps, and dreams in the aftermath of the lightning strike, Eddie tries desperately to hold himself together.

Don't Take the Money by HMSLusitania

“You know, being stuck here isn’t actually the end of the world,” Chimney says, coming up to the table and picking up one of the smoke detectors. “It just feels like it, Buck. Trust me, I know.” “I’m pretty sure it might actually be the end of the world,” Buck says. “Considering this is the sixth time I’ve lived this day.” Chimney stares at him for a beat and then his eyebrows lift. “Wait, are you like – dude, are you in Groundhog Day?” OR The post-lawsuit time-loop AU literally no one asked for.

keep your eyes on the road by iriswests / @fcntasmas

Buck used to speed through yellow lights; now they’re his favorite part of the drive. -- or; a glimpse into buck and eddie’s developing relationship, told through ten moments stopped at a traffic light

Hot Ghost Problems by ebjameston

The ghost would prefer to go by Buck, if Eddie wouldn’t mind. +++ [Eddie is the newest firefighter at the 118. Buck is the ghost haunting the 118. Unfortunately for both of them, Eddie's also a witch and needs to put Buck's spirit to rest, because that's what witches do. Turns out, Buck's spirit? Super not interested in being put to rest. Very interested, however, in flirting with Firefighter Diaz, who is just trying to survive his candidate year. (Also turns out, Buck? Super not dead.)

as lucky as us by hammersmiths

One of the first things Ravi learned when joining the 118 was to, under no circumstances, think too hard about Buck and Eddie’s relationship. But brother, they could try make his job easier. “I mean, I get it,” Buck’s saying, overhead, and Ravi’s knee-deep in literal human crap and even he can smell that shit from a mile away. “You and Tommy have a lot in common.” or, Ravi continually suffers as a third-wheel.

[radiocrypt-id]

I got- I can't!

Imagine being 15, you've grown up your whole life with this one belief in this one God and you were told you were Chosen by Him, for Him. And you're 15. You believe so fully in the spirit of your religion, not necessarily the word, that you want to go to a non-religious school to try and help other kids maybe find your God because you genuinely believe that could be helpful to some of them, because it's all you know, and it's helped other strangers (human trafficking victims she helped in the black pit before) so why not other kids her age? You're 15 and all you can think about is helping others. And you start thinking about your religion, and reading books, and asking questions and you come to the conclusion that maybe your God and His Father aren't actually all that great. Maybe the church you're in has done some really bad things that you can't possibly make up for. Maybe that church is still doing bad things. And then you find out your family is actually in a cult for that God, not just part of the normal church, and you suddenly have to undo all the cult shit in your brain you were raised with, while that cult stuff you know about is actually useful to your friends, like having that knowledge is helpful for them! You're 15 and you stop going home. You have no real adult supervision or carer, just your other 15 year old friends.

Imagine you're 16, you're gay and figuring that out on top of navigating your first full romantic relationship and being the sole creator and cleric to a new God that you honestly find to be very two dimensional and empty. You're on a quest to find an evil being and stop them. You nearly die. Your friends nearly die. You're 16. You're 16 and feel something calling out to you, you know it's divine because you've felt that sort of pull before, but you've never felt one like this. You find memories and hints and pieces and you figure out that the evil being you have to stop, isn't evil, she's just hurting. She's hurt and She's a God. She's your God, and she's so happy to see you, and she has so many ideas, and so many hopes.

You're 17. You've spent your rest time (summer vacation) tearing across the world chasing down and defeating another evil thing that you and your friends accidentally released in the first place. Your God is with you, you have no time for Her. No time for anything but trying to survive and stay sane. You know She's disappointed in you, but you're one person -ONE PERSON- and you're 17. You missed your birthday. again. You've saved the world; again. You're so fucking tired -like always. You're Chosen, and alone, and have no idea what to do with your life, let alone your God. You aren't very good at school, but you go to every class. You're drowning as you try to rewrite your understanding of the world from what you grew up with, having no idea how to do anything without a book and godly hand to guide you. You only ever followed before, your new God is demanding you Lead. You don't know how. You're only 17. You see your horrible, abusive parents spitting abuse and racist rhetoric at your baby brother, who you haven't seen in two years, on the front steps to your school and for the first time ever you are filled with righteous fury. Your God answers your call, not knowing what you need but so eager to help, eager for your attention, she starts talking to you but you're busy -why can't she understand that you're fucking busy? trying to not die, trying to be safe, trying to keep your friends alive, trying to navigate a world that hates you, you're 17 and you're busy goddammit just wait!- and she snaps back at you and flees. The next time you see Her, maybe an hour later, She's got a creature with Her that nearly destroyed you and your friends last year sitting in her lap, so smug to see you again.

You're 17- no, 16- no, 15 years old and you're expected to build and carry the world on your shoulders, Chosen from birth, raised a lamb to follow a Shepard, not to be followed behind. You have no one and nothing and everyone expects everything and you can't back up, you can't pause because if you do someone dies and doesn't come back. You have to be a hero, a chosen, a saint. The steps behind you crumble to dust with each step you take forward and the new one is already cracking under your weight. There are only wrong choices. There's no hand reaching for you. God, you were taught, will save and guide you. God knows best. Why is your God looking to you, a mortal human, to be saved, raised and guided? You're a child.

You're just a child.

You just want to go home, wherever that is. You thought it was your God, but She's not exactly helping you out either, is She? She's just disappointed. Like everyone else. Like you.

You're 17. You think it would have been better to never do any of this. It would have been easier to stay, blind and naive. Sometimes you think you should have stayed in heaven. Sometimes you think about the God you killed by not being good enough for it. Sometimes you lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling and pretend you don't exist for awhile. Sometimes you work your body so hard you forget it's there and your mind shuts up and you exist without being you. Sometimes you wish you never asked any questions or read any books. You're 17, but sometimes you wish you were 15, with no idea yet.

You're 17. You wish you were good enough.

[wordy-little-witch]

Ya know what occurs to me?

Karai Bari is in the New World.

Crocodile and Mihawk only showed up after the establishment of the delivery service.

Buggy was in Paradise. Marineford would have been in Paradise, I think, or at least Buggy's crew still was.

He doesn't have conquerors to cross the calm belt.

So... to get to the New World and set up shop, he'd have to have gone through Fishman Island, wouldn't he? So he'd had to have gotten the ship coated.

He'd likely have had to face Rayleigh or at least he'd have anticipated it - maybe Shanks even mentions Rayleigh hanging around there, maybe even mentioning him having NEVER missed Shanks passing through....

So when Buggy goes when Buggy expects to be found and claims to be dreading it and is but is also so hopeful so scared so broken so hesitant he's got a few different courses figured for how this will go down.

Only.... Rayleigh isn't there. Shakky is. She just directs them to another coater. Buggy fights himself, wants to ask, doesn't want to beg, and-

Shakky answers the question he couldn'tdislodge from his throat. "Sorry, baby blue, Ray's just working on something real important. You know how it is."

He does. He does know how it is. Important, huh? That's fine. It's probably a job. It's probably not that big of a deal that dad master Rayleigh is preoccupied. Buggy shouldn't have expected the man to drop everything and come running why did he think that, Rayleigh never did it before, not even Shanks' assurance he'd leave a message for Rayleigh would change much, and fuck he can't afford to cry so-

So Buggy gets the ship coated. It's not as pricy as he'd worried. He navigates them down, can even bring himself to smile at the wide eyed wonder from the rest. It's nice. He's fine here - these are his people. He's okay, really, and he'll be able to let this go or shove it into that nameless box in his head and heart soon enough. He just has to ride the wave, you know-?

Only no. Not really. Because a newspaper lands in his hands. And his brain is racing.

Because Rayleigh wasn't at Sabaody at all. He was with Strawhat. He was training Strawhat. He showed up, after the war, so close to the conflict, to train the kid. Rayleigh is fast, but not that fast. He'd have to have left around a week before Buggy even arrived. Shanks had assured him Rayleigh was there when he dropped by ((two weeks ago)). He knew because his brother had wrapped him in his arm and tears were shed, voices were raised and hearts were broken, wounds torn open to drain the festering rot and the healing hurt, it hurt then, it hurts now, it will hurt and hurt and hurt, because Buggy had pushed the Big Top to her near limits just to reach the archipelago that his former guardian ex-father previous family that Rayleigh called home. Shanks had called him, said he'd dropped the message and Rayleigh had chuckled and nodded and Buggy wanted to see his dad because there were still so many scars that had to be seen and acknowledged and Buggy himself wasn't even fully recovered physically but emotionally he had to do it, had to take the step and try because vulnerability brought the best and worst of him out, because he lost a brother and gained him back and he wanted for his father, at least one of them.

But Strawhat was on that front page. And Rayleigh was behind him, smiling, warm, proud, happy, and - Buggy aches. He's angry. He's livid. A week or so, by his estimate, for Rayleigh to find him and get there to the war ground. A week or so because Rayleigh was old but he was still painfully fast. In a week or so, the older man hunted down a boy he'd possibly met once or twice in passing. A week or so and The Dark King showed up to bring another strawhat wearing monster of epic proportions under his wing, had made impressive time in finding the kid, making the plan, getting to the navy hq, getting out, and that's accounting for the article writing, printing, and distribution.

A week or so to find a bright little sunshine boy he barely knew when one he raised rotted in a cell for months on end.

Busy with something real important, he recalled Shakky saying.

His chest burned for a moment, hot and wild and unyielding - and just as suddenly, the fire was gone. He was tired. He was so fucking tired. His injuries throbbed, his head hurt, his scars itched. He sighed, set the paper aside and curled impossibly small into his chaise lounge with a teary chuckle as he gripped his hair and tried to silence the keen building in his chest. He cursed himself for it, bitter and angry.

After all, he should be used to being outshined, out classed and out loved by energetic boys with bright smiles in little wicker crowns.

Story of his life

He is unaware of the many eyes on him, of the people Plotting and Arranging things on their own time. Their captain is the best - uncommon, unexpected, temperamental though he is, he is everything everyone needs him to be because it's the only thing he knows how to do. They see the seams in his mask and performance, and they ache to pay back the pain left on their captain, their boss, their leader and friend. Buggy pirates stick together, freaks and weirdos united - and nobody is allowed to hurt their captain without some serious followup.