#but I’ve been up on it a lot today with cooking and chasing toddlers around and stuff

[harmonizewithechoes]

.

[binniedeactivated]

txt reactions. || 👾👾

as dads... 👨🏻‍🍼

a/n; i’m sorryyy i’ve been in a fluffy mood lately I haven’t posted smut in a while but I promise I will! enjoy this though <3

soobin -

bro, he’s the clueless dad

doesn’t know anything about being a parent. is lazy about preparing to be a dad but he has a few tricks up his sleeve

everything would fluster the hell out of him. when the baby poops, when the baby pees, when they baby pukes, or when the baby cries he’d get surprised about it every single time as if it doesn’t happen

you know those type of dads where everything is literally a learning moment for them? yes, that’s soobin

is a dorky dad

his children will most likely own him, he won’t own his children

type of dad that gets beat up by his toddler kids for absolutely nothing

they walk in and kick him in the shin while he’s cooking

or pull his hair while he’s trying to read to them before bed

feel like his daughter would be the exact replica of him like seriously, would have his his whole entire face and matching dimples

with that being said, is an absolute sucker for his daughter

gives her anything she wants even if she’s a spoiled brat he’s scared to say no

needs his wife to teach him how to put his foot down

i feel like soobin’s son would be wild asf lmao

repeats every inappropriate thing that soobin says

“daddy? what does bullshit mean?”.

will scold his kids if they’re acting too wild but they never listen to him so it doesn’t really matter

again, he needs his wife to help discipline the kids

i know it can be quite common for parents of color (minorities) to hit their children but in my opinion I don’t really think soobin would hit his kids all that much

he  would pay a lot of attention to them though and know them like the back of his hand but he can’t really control the shit that goes on in his wild household

his wife will mainly come home every night to a messy kitchen and messy living room with soobin passed out on the couch and the kids curled on top of him snoring

all in all he loves them though, they’re his babies <3

yeonjun --

honestly, yeonjun is a pretty attentive father

i think he would be veryyyyy playful and affectionate

would want to do EVERYTHING with the baby

want to cook, want to clean, want to watch tv, want to talk to him/her and hold them all the time

has separation anxiety when his children are away from him for too long

even if he’s at work he’ll face time his wife often just so he can see the baby

if he takes his kids to the park he’s literally watching their every move

will still hug and kiss them on their cheeks and forehead no matter how old they get

extremely overprotective

no really, don’t touch yeonjun’s babies unless you want to die

protects his daughter from anyone that tries to date her

i think yeonjun’s son would most likely pick up one of his talents and his daughter will pick up the other

his son can sing and his daughter could dance, vice versa

encourages them to follow their dreams

supports anything and EVERYTHING they

definitely documents everything lmao, even if it’s small he’ll record or take a picture

will make a photo album of all of his children’s achievements

is the type of dad that’s always talking about his kids

literally fr--he mentions them in every conversation

he’s just a proud dad alright? don’t judge him

i think yeonjun’s children would be extremely well behaved and well kept 

mostly because yeonjun doesn’t play around LMAO

nah fr, he’s a dad that knows how to scold and punish. his kids know better than to cross him

gives his kids anything they want

takes them on vacations allllll the time 

universal studios, disney world, legoland, you name it and he already booked the trip

honestly the type of dad that’s always somewhere having fun with his kids and posting photos on social media

is IN LOVE with being a dad

beomgyu --

lmao beomie is the cool dad

literally will talk to his baby like he/she is grown 

“i’m tired of this show. you want to watch netflix? big mouth has a new episode”.

“can you stop crying? that’s weird. all you did was pee. you’re acting you’re a baby or something”.

“why don’t you just use words? tell me when you’re hungry. stop acting like you can’t talk”. (his baby is literally 2 months old)

loves sleeping with his babies the most. loves when they cuddle with him in bed and just fall asleep in his arms and on his chest

plays with them all the time, chasing them around the house playing laser tag or ‘the floor is lava’ lmao

loves playing video games with them, doesn’t let them win just because they’re young

will literally beat them in every game with no remorse, he just tells them they have to learn how to beat him

when they’re older he’ll literally let them do whatever they want 

“dad can I go to a party?”.  “sure whatever”.

“dad I’m going to a club with my friends”.  “alright. be safe”.

“dad I think I’m pregnant”.   “damn how that happen? I hope your baby’s father isn’t ugly tbh”.

is the type of dad that will lie to his wife about their children’s bad grades to save their asses

always sugar coats the parent teacher conferences to his wife, telling her that they’re the star students (even if they’re bad as hell)

laughs when one of his kids curse

teaches them the cheat codes to getting what they want in life

his kids ADORE him lmfao

is the most understanding and caring dad there is

taehyun --

strict dad who is a good listener lmao

i think taehyun would be more prepared when he knows he’s about to be a parent. of course he knows he doesn’t know everything but this man would be so prepared lmao

literally would do research on different things just to try and get a better understanding of how children’s minds work

his kids would be baby geniuses please

his daughter would be playing mozart on the piano at the age of two

his son would be a mathematician at four

LMAO i feel like his kids would be smart and mean ASF

literally the bougie kids at school with the latest clothes and shoes and don’t want to associate with the dumber kids

spoiled ROTTEN by taehyun will literally call him for the smallest inconvenience

“dad can you put more money on my credit card? I’m feeling sad today”

“dad I need a spa day”.

and yes taehyun will do these things for them at the drop of a dime

i feel like he’s the type of dad that knows everything, literally can’t outsmart him

if one of his children lies he already knows that they’re lying and already has evidence to prove it

I don’t think any of his children would ever lie to him though lmao taehyun don’t play that shit

type of dad that will allow his spoiled ass kids to live in his house for as long as they want without requiring them to move out

absolutely weak for them

will set up bank accounts and college funds for them

literally does EVERYTHING for them i cannot stress this ENOUGH

will buy their first apartment if they want it

will buy them their first cars

taehyun’s kids : part time job? what’s that?

type of dad that his kids can talk about anything and everything with and they love him for it

can be a crackhead dad too, will do the craziest shit to make his kids laugh

his kids are his world <3

kai --

lmfao i feel like kai is the fine line between being prepared and not knowing what the fuck to do every second

literally needs his wife because he’ll get anxiety trying to make big decisions for them

i think he would be at his prime parenting during the toddler stage since he has a lot of energy. he would bring his kids to trampoline parks and bounce house places allllll the time

his kids’ fondest childhood memories would be somewhere in a bounce house jumping and having fun with their dad

would also love turning on a soft playlist and have coloring sessions with them

is the type to make his kids dress like him, oversized sweaters, baggy jeans and cute sneakers

would buy his kids matching outfits and toys

also would be big on accessories i think. would love buying them cute backpacks, lunchboxes, and pens and pencils lmao

i think kai’s children would be chaotic as helllllllllllll

extremely hyperactive and don’t know the concept of bedtime

has frequent food fights in the kitchen

whenever they take a bath they get suds all over the floor

they eat and nap in the kitchen cabinets even though kai specifically told them not to do that

kids would be EXTREMELY cute so it would always be hard for kai to scold them

his version of scolding is literally, “hey don’t do that”. will never yell or hit

can never find a babysitter for when him and his wife have date nights because his children are always on a rampage

and when they do have do have date nights his children always find a way to facetime him fifteen hundred times about nothing

i think out of all kids, kai’s kids would be the baddest ones in school just because of the contrast lmfaoo

his son draws curse words on his desk

his daughter gets into fights all the time

parent teacher conferences are the funniest because kai is smiling no matter how bad the teacher says his kids are

literally cannot control them LMAO

but they’re so funny and sweet to him he can’t help but become weak for them

when they’re older though I feel like they’ll mellow out only a little but still kinda rebellious 

kai is a positive dad who tries his absolute best lmao but he loves them with all his heart <3

[suckerforv]

Your Protectors (Hybrid!BTS x Female Reader)

WARNINGS; MENTIONS OF VULGAR LANGUAGE AND TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF

You walked through the door, smiling as your bunny hybrid, Jungkook, bounded up excitedly to meet you. “Y/n!” he exclaimed, his bunny ears bouncing as he flew into your arms. “I missed you,” he mumbled into your neck, making you giggle. “Don’t stay away for too long next time.”

   “Kookie, I wanna hug her too, don’t hog her all to yourself,” your other fox hybrid, Taehyung, whined, his plush lips forming a pout and his ears drooping sadly. You laughed and held your arms out to him. He burrowed his nose into your neck, scenting you. You were used to it; you often had to stay for long times at your school where you taught. You would come home after being around other men and boys, “smelling like trash,” as Tae called it. After adopting both Taehyung and Jungkook, you decided to adopt five others: Namjoon, a wolf hybrid, Jin, an alpaca hybrid, Jimin, a cute calico cat hybrid, Hoseok, a golden retriever hybrid, and a panther hybrid, Yoongi. It was challenging sometimes, dealing with all of their different personalities, but you loved them all so much. Namjoon was quiet and intelligent, yet extremely clumsy. You had no idea how many items he broke in the house, yet you loved his quiet and comforting character. He was studying at a college especially for hybrids and was pursuing business and English Literature Arts. Jin loved to help you cook and clean, because everyone knew you weren’t the best cook in the house. You would often come home, tired and exhausted from a long day at work, and Jin would have tea and a fluffy blanket ready for you on the couch. He was really a sweetie. Jimin was very intimate, and he loved to cuddle with you while watching Finding Nemo on the TV. He loved singing and dancing, which he did a lot while you were away. He required a lot of attention and care. Hoseok was the ball of sunshine, always finding ways to cheer you up if you were feeling down or sad. He loved to play catch and dance, and you encouraged him to pursue his dreams. He was currently at the same school Namjoon was at, and he was studying dance. Taehyung was very like Namjoon, but goofier and sillier at times. He loved chasing squirrels and playing with his toys. Jungkook was best friends with both Tae and Jimin, and they all loved playing with each other. When you first adopted Jungkook, he was very shy and used to not talk most of the time. Once you adopted Taehyung and Jimin, he began opening up and you would often hear him laughing and talking with Tae and Jimin. Eventually, he began warming up to you, and you were on speaking terms with him now. A word that could describe Yoongi was sleepy. Of course, Yoongi loved to sleep and eat. He loved to sleep, spooned by you. He seemed like an old, grumpy grandpa on the outside, but he was just a big softie on the inside. You smiled as you thought of your seven lovable hybrids. You were so glad you adopted them.

       You set your bag down on the counter and felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist, a wet nose burying into the nape of your neck. You felt a furry tail wrapping itself around your ankle. You reached back and scratched behind Jimin’s ears. Purrs reverberated throughout the room, and you giggled. “Jimin, it’s very nice to see you too,” you smiled as he snuggled closer to you. “How was your day, darling?”

    “Fun! Me, Taetae, and Kookie played chase and tag in the backyard! Then me and Taetae watched Finding Nemo, although it wasn’t the same without you,” he pouted at the last part. “How long will you have to stay like this, jagi?”

      You sighed, sitting on the couch and beckoned him to sit next to you. “I don’t know, Minnie. I’ve been trying to find another job I can take up, but I haven’t found any yet.”

     Your other hybrids appeared, one by one, listening to you speak, and to your surprise, Yoongi appeared as well. He was usually sleeping, so this was a pleasant surprise. Namjoon sat next to you, his head leaning on your shoulder. “Well, you just have to find out what you’re good at,” he commented quietly. “It’s not too hard to find a job once you figure that out.”

    “Well, I’m good with hybrids, I know that at least,” you said slowly. “Maybe I could take up a job at a hybrid shelter.”

   Jin frowned. “I don’t know, y/n. Some hybrids tend to be,” he hesitated. “violent and well, we don’t want you getting hurt.” Your other hybrids nodded in agreement, Yoongi coming to sit next to Jimin.

     “But if you really want to, y/n, I know some shelters that are looking for help,” Yoongi offered. “Some of my friends are working there, and they say it pays well and the environment is very positive and promising for the hybrids who live there.”

    You smiled, coming over to where he sat and hugging him. “Thank you, Yoongles. I knew I can always count on you guys. What’s the shelter’s name?”

    “Um, I think it’s Sunnyside Hybrid Shelter,” Yoongi furrowed his eyebrows, trying to remember. “Yeah, I think that’s it.”

    You took a deep breath. “OK, I’m going to go ask them about the job. Who wants to go with me?”

 “Me!” seven voices chorused. You chuckled; you should’ve have known all of them wanted to go. They were all very protective of you, especially Namjoon and Yoongi, them both being predator hybrids.

         Twenty minutes later, all of you stood in front of Sunnyside Hybrid Shelter. Namjoon slipped his hand in yours, his ears standing alert. You opened the door, your hybrids following you inside.

     “Welcome to Sunnyside Hybrid Shelter! How may I help you today? Oh my goodness, you have some hybrids already! Are you here asking about the job?” the cheery girl at the front desk prattled on. You felt Namjoon’s hand tense in yours. You knew her voice reminded him of his previous owner, who was very abusive and used to beat him whenever he made a mistake or broke something. You squeezed his hand comfortingly, reminding him that he was safe and you were with him now.

     “Yes, I’m interested about the job. I would like to apply,” you spoke, nervous.

“Perfect! How long have you had experience with hybrids?” the girl asked as she scribbled something down on a notepad. “Oh, and please call me Eryka.”

     “I’ve had my hybrids for about three years now,” you replied, smiling fondly at your seven hybrids. “I love hybrids, and I’ve been looking for a job, so this seemed like a good go.”

    “Awesome! I’ll take you to our manager, and she’ll ask you a few more questions and just show you around,” Eryka smiled widely at you and led you and your hybrids to the office.

     Taehyung stared at the hybrids’ faces pressed to the windows, some cold, some hopeful, and some just plain curious. He knew how painful and lonely it was to live in the shelter, his heart ached for some of the hybrids. They passed a play room, where baby and toddler hybrids played. Jimin’s tail twitched, aching to scoop a cute baby hybrid into his arms and cuddle with it.

    “Here we are,” Eryka announced, stopping at a well-furnished office. “Would your hybrids perhaps like to wait-”

    “No,” seven voices chorused forcefully. You smiled, and whispered to Eryka, “It’s okay. They’re well behaved, they just are protective of me.” She looked unsure, but nodded and let you all in anyway.

     The manager, who looked shocked as your seven hybrids filed in, quickly composed herself and smiled at you. “Hello, y/n, I am Carrie, and please do sit down,” she gestured to a chair in front on her desk. “Your hybrids, um-”

     “We can stand, ma’am, it’s fine,” Jin smiled at her kindly. You smiled internally at his manners, Jin was a very polite hybrid once people got to know him.

 She looked surprised at his polite manners and smiled at him. “Thank you, er-”

  “Jin, Kim Seokjin,” Jin bowed and introduced himself and the others to her. Each smiled and bowed to her as he addressed them.

     “Thank you. Y/n, I must say, you have very polite hybrids. You must have some good experience with hybrids, then,” Carrie commented as she sat back in her chair.

   “Well, yes. My father was actually a hybrid officer,” you began, ignoring the shocked looks of your hybrids. “He didn’t like hybrids that well, and didn’t do his job like he should’ve. I would always beg him to be compassionate towards them, but he would beat me. My mom found out, and threatened to separate if he didn’t change his ways. He didn’t, and my mom moved out and took me with her,” you blinked back tears and Jin came to stand besides you, laying a gentle hand on your shoulder. Jimin stared at you, mouth agape. He never knew this. “He eventually got fired. I got a job at teaching at a school and I am still doing that now,” you finished, wiping your tears with a tissue from the tissue box Carrie gave you. “Sorry,” you apologized, wiping the last of your tears away. “I haven’t talked about this in a while.”

      “It’s okay, y/n. I understand how you feel,” Carrie told you gently. “I was in a similar situation. My dad-”she frowned. “He really hated hybrids and used to abuse those he brought home. I moved out of the house with my mom, who loved hybrids, and she actually helped me start this shelter.”

     “That’s nice. Yeah, I have always loved caring for hybrids, that’s why I decided to adopt my first two hybrids: Taehyung and Jungkook, then I found out how much I enjoyed their company, so I went ahead and adopted five more,” you smiled at your hybrids who crowded around you, comforting you.

   “That’s great! Now I can show you around the compound,” Carrie smiled, leading the way out of the office. “It’s good that your hybrids are here to protect you, because-”

     A savage growl escaped the throats of Namjoon and Yoongi, shocking both you and Carrie. “Namjoon, Yoongi!” you scolded them. “Please, nothing bad will happen to me. Behave, or no cuddles,” you admonished.

     They flushed sheepishly, their heads bowed. “Sorry.”

 Carrie laughed. “So that’s what you use to punish them? No cuddles?” she asked you playfully.

You laughed sheepishly. “Yeah, my hybrids love cuddling, especially Jimin and Yoongi.”

    As all of you entered the hybrid room, a cute Black Lab ran up to meet you. “Hi, I’m Jisoo. Will you please adopt me?” Her eyes widened as she saw your seven hybrids. “Oh, never mind,” she mumbled, turning away.

   “Jisoo, wait!” you called after her, hoping she would turn back and hear what you had to say. Jisoo turned back with hopeful eyes.

    “Jisoo, I can’t say I can adopt you, but I can say that I will help you find you the perfect family for you. So don’t give up hope, okay?” you smiled kindly at the shy hybrid in front of you.

    Jisoo nodded, a smile gracing her features. “Thank you, y/n!” She hugged you suddenly, making you gasp a little and then giggle. “You’re welcome, Jisoo.”

     Carrie had been watching from afar, and when you came back to the group, she whistled. “She actually hugged you, y/n! Jisoo has been one of our hardest hybrids to reach, and she has spoken the most since she’s gotten here!”

    “Glad I could help-” your sentence was cut off as a snarling hybrid stepped in your path.

  “You smell like filth,” the hybrid sneered, but Namjoon and Yoongi placed themselves in front of you, growls escaping from them. “So you’re her two little sluts, huh?” the hybrid smirked, enjoying the way your body stiffened at the word sluts. “All humans aren’t to be trusted, you know,” he snarled. “Some like her, for insistence.”

     “Not all hybrids can be trusted either,” Yoongi snarled back, his jaw exposing his sharp canines and Namjoon’s eyes turned a deep crimson red. You could feel Jimin trembling behind you. Jimin had never seen this side of Namjoon and Yoongi, and he didn’t like it. The hostile hybrid hesitated, then muttered “spoiled brats” and walked away.

    You let out a deep sigh of relief. “Wow. Thank you, Joonie and Yoongi. I didn’t expect that to happen.”

Carrie sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck. “Sorry, y/n. That was Mark, our panther hybrid. He’s very-” she paused, then added, “violent and frightening.”

      Yoongi snapped, “I knew it! He smelled like a panther!”

“I smelled it, too,” Namjoon muttered, his tail still nervously twitching back and forth. “Y/n, are you sure it’s safe for you to work here?” he asked you, worry lacing his features.

   “Don’t worry, y/n. We’ll make sure you’re safe from him,” Carrie laid a reassuring hand on your shoulder and looked back at Namjoon, then added, “I promise.”

      Once you all got home, you asked everyone to gather in the living room.

Namjoon and Yoongi sat on each side of you, the rest of the boys sitting on the floor or on the fireplace’s hearth. Jimin sensed the tension and awkwardness in the air, and sat closer to Taehyung and Jungkook. No one knew when to speak, so you cleared your throat nervously.

     “Guys, I know how much you love me,” you began. “What happened today, I’m sorry. I promise I will be careful when I start working there. But I want you guys to know that I love you all so much, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all that stuff about my dad. I will be more careful.” As soon as you finished speaking, the boys started to cry. They all hugged you, a big ball of fluff surrounding you. You began to cry as well, overwhelmed by the love your boys were giving you.

    “We love you, y/n, don’t ever forget that,” your boys’ voice chimed together, Jimin nuzzling into your neck.

   “I love you guys so much, too,” you sobbed, smiling through your tears. You loved them all so much, your boys. Your protectors.

[burgers-and-french-fries]

Sunsets & Whiskey Kisses: Chapter Fifty.

Note: If you have any questions about Canadian/American lingo in this chapter or if you’re wondering how something works, just leave me a question either in the comments or through my inbox and I’ll do my best to answer them.

please also note that this is going back on another hiatus while I get my other works updated and then when I’m back on track, I will be updating this and Taking Chances.

I really hope that you enjoy this. Sorry if it’s not the greatest. Today hasn’t been the best creativity wise for me today so please know that I tried my best.

===

It had been a few days since Ryleigh had found out that her father had been alive all this time and she still felt extremely betrayed. The woman found it hard to even get out of bed because she felt so exhausted and like life had been knocked out of her.

“Hi mama.” Anna said as she climbed up on her parents bed.

“Hi baby.” Ryleigh replied as she opened her arms for the toddler to crawl into. Anna cuddled up to her mother and started lazily playing with Ryleigh’s hair.

“You kay?” Anna asked quietly.

“Mama’s just tired, baby. I’ll be ok.” Ryleigh replied, kissing her daughter softly before pulling the tot in closer to her body.

“Love mama.” Anna said before a big yawn escaped her lips.

“I love you too, my sweet girl.” The mother replied.

Both girls fell asleep, completely unaware that Jack was awake and had heard what was being said and saw what was happening.

The father slowly and carefully got up to relieve himself.

When he was done, Parker was wide awake but seemed to know her mother needed sleep, so she just laid there and looked around.

“Hi pretty girl. Did you have a good sleep?” Jack asked after walking over to the bassinet to pick his daughter up.

Parker gave her father what looked like a smile and slightly cooed at him.

“Let’s go get some coffee and milk.” He said as he situated the little girl in his arms.

=

Meanwhile, George and Grace had decided to go and have breakfast at the burger place for something different.

“How are you feeling?” George asked, putting his own feelings aside for his girlfriend. 

“I’m fine but if I’m honest, I’m surprised that you’re still talking to me.” Grace replied sadly.

George nodded and sighed.

“I’m surprised I am as well.” He admitted truthfully.

“So, what now?” The expectant woman asked.

“I really want to know why you kept it from us. From me.” He said.

Grace swallowed and tried not to cry. She knew that she had made an enormous mistake and now she realized that she should have said something a long time ago. George saw her shoulders slump and rested his hand on Grace’s.

“Tell you what, why don’t I cook a nice dinner tonight and we can talk through everything. Maybe think of a way to make it up to Ryleigh.” He suggested.

“I don’t deserve you at all.” Grace answered. George offered the woman a warm smile before taking a drink of his coffee.

=

A few hours later, Ryleigh was going through some photos that she had.

“Both girls have gone down for their naps.” Jack said as he walked downstairs.

“Thank you baby.” Ryleigh said, not looking up from the picture she was looking at.

“What are you doing?” Jack wondered as he walked over to where his wife was currently sitting.

“I’m um, going through some things to take to George since he’s missed out on so much.” She responded, shocking her husband.

“When are you going to take them to him because I can go with you if you’d like me to.” He offered, making Ryleigh smile.

“Before I answer that, I just want you to know that I’m so grateful for you. I know I’ve been a bit of a bitch lately and that you’ve been mom and dad to the girls. It’s meant a lot to me.” Ryleigh said. Jack smiled and went around to where she was.

“Give me a hug.” He said as he held his hand out for her. Ryleigh smirked and stood up.

“I love you so much Jacks.” The woman whispered. Instead of answering her, Jack leaned in and kissed her tenderly. Ryleigh’s arms went around his neck as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in closer.

Jack was the one to break the kiss and rest his forehead against Ryleigh’s with his eyes remaining closed.

“Want me to go with you?” Jack questioned. Ryleigh smiled warmly and pecked his lips.

“I think this is something I need to do myself but thank you.” Ryleigh responded.

=

By the time that Ryleigh arrived at the burger place, the lunch rush was in full swing. She wanted to kick herself for going out at lunchtime but if she had gone any earlier, she would have chickened out.

“Can I help you honey?” A woman asked.

“I’m here to see George.” Ryleigh replied shyly. 

“What’s your name?” She asked. Ryleigh shifted in her spot.

“Just tell him that someone is here to see him and that it’s important.” Ryleigh replied. The woman nodded and walked into the kitchen in search of her boss.

While she waited, Ryleigh looked around at the interior of the building and smiled to herself. Even though she didn’t really know George’s past, she felt really proud of him for coming here and opening up a place like this. 

“Sorry to keep you wa- Ryleigh?” George questioned with slight confusion. Ryleigh smiled genuinely and shrugged.

“Do you have a minute? I wanted to give you something.” She inquired. George nodded and walked toward a now empty table.

“Ok look, I know my behaviour the past few weeks have been less than polite and I wanted to apologize for it. I did promise to try but finding out that you’re my fa- that you’re who you are, it threw me off and I felt like I had just had my dad ripped away from me again.” Ryleigh explained. George listened intently to everything she had to say.

“Anyway, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things recently and I don’t know if mom has given you anything in regards to me growing up so I thought I’d put things into a box for you to have. That way you can see me growing up, kind of.” Ryleigh continued as she pushed the box nervously toward the man in front of her.

“Thank you for this. Your mom’s been a bit, shall we say hormonal and can’t really talk without crying.” George answered. Ryleigh nodded and hung her head.

“I’ve made a mess of things haven’t I?” She asked, feeling ashamed of her actions. George shook his head and laid his hand on hers.

“No, you haven’t. Yes things have been done backwards and haven’t been pleasant but if you’re willing to, I’d love to get to know you as my daughter.” George spoke softly and tenderly. Ryleigh gave him a small smile and held his hand tighter.

“I’d like that.” She said. They stayed and talked for a few more minutes before George had to get back to work.

=

“We’ve got everything, fuck off already.” Ryleigh said as she took Katie out of her car seat. Joshua on the other hand ran straight for where Anna and Jack sat playing with the new race track Anna had been given by George and her mother.

“Alright bossy, we’re going.” Dakota teased, playfully rolling her eyes at her sister-in-law.

Chase and Dakota bid their kids goodbye before heading out for the night on their date night specially organized by Chase to show Dakota just how in love with her he still was and how proud of her he was for going through another birth, knowing how much labor and birth hurts her.

“So, you want to tell me where we are going?” Dakota asked as Chase drove down a familiar road. Chase shrugged.

“Not really because it’s a surprise.” He replied with a hint of cheek in his tone.

“You know I hate surprises.” She grumbled. Chase chuckled and continued driving.

When they pulled up to the converted barn, Dakota rolled her eyes. Chase simply got out of the truck and walked around to her side so that he could help her out.

“Right, I want you to close your eyes and keep them shut. Can you do that for me?” Chase asked with seriousness in his voice. Dakota reluctantly nodded and did as he had asked of her.

Chase led her to where he had set everything up for their special night. He had transformed part of the horse stables so that they could still be under the stars but away from the snow that blanketed the ground. Chase had even found a way to incorporate Dakota’s desire of stargazing while laying in a truck bed. 

You see, one of Carol’s friends had a son who had just converted a barn into a guest house and he was more than happy to let Chase use it for their date night. Chase knew that this was going to knock his wife’s socks off.

“Ok. Open.” He said once he had Dakota where he wanted her. Dakota opened her eyes and gasped.

“When in the fuck did you do this?” The woman questioned.

“When you took the kids Christmas shopping this afternoon. Mam’s friend has a son who recently converted this into a guest house and he was kind enough to let me organize this for us to enjoy tonight and into tomorrow.” He admitted. Dakota smiled brightly and threw her arms around his neck in a grateful hug.

“I love you so much.” She said before breaking their embrace.

“I love you too. Shall we go inside?” He asked, earning an enthusiastic nod from the woman beside him.

=

Back at Grace’s, her and George were sitting down to eat the meal he had cooked for them. Grace still felt so ashamed of herself and so bad for letting her daughter and boyfriend down.

“Don’t look so glum. It’s ok now.” George told her softly. Grace looked at him and smiled sadly.

“I know, I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you both. I was just scared that if I told either of you the truth, you’d never speak to me again and I couldn’t bear that.” Grace rambled. George smiled at her adoringly.

“While we didn’t appreciate being lied to and kept apart for so long, Ryleigh and I have decided to move forward and get to know each other properly.” George explained. Grace looked at him with confusion.

“H-how?” She stuttered. 

“Ryleigh came to see me today. She had a box of things from her childhood with her. She wasn’t sure if you had shown me anything and thought that maybe I’d like to see what she looked like as she grew up.” He explained before taking a drink from his cup.

“I didn’t think she’d talk to either of us again but I’m glad that she grew the courage to see you today. I know that it must have been hard for her.” Grace replied.

“She was certainly shy but in the end, we both agreed that we’d try and put this behind us and move on. I also told her that when she’s ready to, you’d appreciate a phone call. Ryleigh agreed to it.” He spoke. Grace smiled happily this time.

“You have no idea how glad I am that you’re in my life again and that we get to do this all over again. Except we already have one child and another on the way. How insane is that.” Grace admitted giddily.

“Two kids, shit.” George teased, making Grace laugh. 

They continued to talk while they ate and by the end of their meal, both adults were extremely happy and for the first time in a while, Grace wasn’t at all upset or ashamed in herself. She knew that everything was going to be ok.

=

Heading back over to the barn conversion and things were beginning to heat up. Chase had Dakota pinned to their truck themed bed while he took his time with marking her neck and driving her body wild with sparks of erotic electricity.

“Enough with the teasing. I need you inside me already.” Dakota said breathlessly. Chase smirked against her skin before nipping at her jugular, making her body arch into him. He knew that Dakota was well and truly ready for him but with the way that she was reacting to his teasing made him want to see just how far he could push her before she’d break.

Without warning, Chase slammed into her and Dakota cried out as waves of pleasure washed over her in an almost orgamsm. Chase stilled himself as he too almost came.

“Don’t clench.” He warned softly. Dakota looked up at him and bit her lower lip as Chase began to move within her.

“Oh fuck.” Dakota moaned as Chase managed to bite her nipple.

It didn’t take long before Dakota was pleading with him to let her cum but he wouldn’t listen to her pleas. He stopped his movements and smirked down at her.

“You’re not cumming until I say that you can.” He warned. Dakota looked at him and the only thing she could think of that would make him allow her to let go was to call him sir, so that’s what she did.

Unfortunately for her, it didn’t work. Chase had previously prepared himself for the fact that she may try to get away with cumming without permission and that she had been begging, he was glad that he did prepare.

“Please baby, it’s hurting me.” Dakota whined and by the look in her eye, Chase knew that she was telling the truth.

He sped up his movements and soon enough they were screaming each other’s names at the tops of their lungs.

“Fuck me that was the best sex we’ve had in how long?” Dakota panted as she looked up through the skylight to see the stars twinkling in the night sky above them.

“Good surprise?” Chase asked, ignoring her question.

“The best.” She replied as she cuddled into him. Her head resting on his chest as she listened to the rhythmic melody of his heartbeat.

“What about the stargazing and the truck bed?” Chase asked again, knowing that Dakota would giggle at the thought.

(Yes this may be a kids bed but the idea is that this truck bed is meant for grown adults and part of the fun of staying somewhere other than your house for a date night.)

“I’m surprised that you even heard me with the fantasy. You were so wrapped up in playing with Joshua while watching that tv show. I thought I was talking to a brick wall.” Dakota admitted.

“I’ll always hear you.” He replied. Dakota looked at him through her lashes before leaning up to kiss him.

“Rest now my love, we don’t leave yet and you’ll need your strength.” The man said, both of them closing their eyes for a little rest before the second, third, fourth round. They had all night and there was no limit on what could happen within that time.

===

Tag List: @sarahegerton96​ @softeggsy​ @dogmom2014​ @jobanan23​ @hitmeonmytspot​ @cilldaracailin​ @fuseburner​ @stronglyobsessed​ @aberystwythboy​ @superthiccthighssavelives​ @hauntedflamingo​ @rocknrollmadden​ @dontblinkumightmiss​

[eurynome827]

The Cold (Bothers Me A Lot, Actually)

This is technically the 4th part in the Honey & Salt series, behind The First and The To-Do List and the WIP part 3 which is about 75% complete.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word Count: 1,364

Summary: It’s fucking cold. Reader is a brat (like always). Sebastian really hates this fucking onesie.

Warnings: not-so-descriptive-smut, language

Author Note: I really like how this one came together, actually. Forgive me for jumping ahead and giving you this before the infamous kitchen table/living room/etc etc (hullo part 3) but it’s so damn cold and I couldn’t get this out of my head. I adore my summer lovers trying to battle the cold.

*This series is fiction - I do not know this man and this is an alternate universe RPF with no basis in fact.*

BY CLICKING THE READ MORE LINK BELOW YOU AFFIRM THAT YOU ARE 18+ AND UNDERSTAND THAT THIS STORY CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT.

"No hat, no gloves, no scarf...no brains."

"You're dressed like a toddler."

You stood in your plaid fleece onesie, cozy and warm, and answered Sebastian with an impressively loud tongue pop. He placed his freezing cold hands on your cheeks in response and you shrieked, "GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" Pulling him in by his coat collar, you slammed the door and shivered.

"How am I supposed to get into that thing?" Sebastian looked you up and down and you giggled in response.

"You're not getting in anything until you warm up. You try to touch me again with those hands and I'll cut you. C'mon," you led the way to your couch and he followed, taking off his coat and letting you wrap a sherpa blanket around his shoulders. "Get settled and I'll be right back." You pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose and shivered again.

You returned with a tray holding two bowls of homemade tomato soup, a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches, and a surprise.

"Try this!" You handed Sebastian a large steaming mug and watched as he took a sip. "I finally used the dumb crock pot and I made hot mulled wine!"

"Of course you did," he smiled at you over the top of the mug.

"You need fish swimming in your soup." You poured Goldfish into both bowls, trying to ignore his amused glances. "I don't know what else you're expecting from a woman in feetie pajamas."

Once you put the bag of Goldfish down on the table he grabbed your hands with his own, which were thankfully much warmer now, and pulled you into his lap. "I was expecting a kiss."

"Well, let's see if you've warmed up." You nudged his nose with yours and when it didn't provoke a shiver you teased, "you pass inspection, you may kiss me."

Slipping your arms around him under the warm blanket you smiled into his kiss, soft and sweet at first but then growing in passion, until you pulled back with a sigh.

"Okay, okay, lover boy, the food is getting cold." He smirked at you but let you go. You slipped off his lap to cuddle into his side on the couch and picked up the remote.

"Thanks for cooking, babe," Sebastian pulled back the hood of your onesie to kiss the top of your head.

"Anytime," you looked up and smiled, "time for Groundhog Day..... Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today!"

When there was no more food and drink, and the end credits were rolling, you stretched out your legs and lifted your feet from where they rested in Sebastian's lap, rolling your ankles in circles to get the blood moving again. You had been on your side while he had remained sitting up, absent-mindedly stroking your legs underneath the blanket you had long ago stolen from him. It was warm, and comfortable, and you were grateful once again for the road that had led you to this moment.

You were happy.

Rolling onto your back, you flipped the blanket off you and onto the back of the couch. "Guess I should clean this up."

Before you could push yourself up, Sebastian had moved to hover over you. "Later," he whispered against your lips before kissing you, licking your bottom lip so you would open up to him. You did, with a low whimper from the back of your throat. When his lips left yours to kiss back along your jaw to your ear and he tugged on your hood to make a path, you protested again.

"The stupid crock pot is still on."

"Leave it."

"I have to turn it off, I can't store the wine until it cools down."

He started kissing down your neck and you angled your head back and arched up against him. "Forget about it," his voice that dark mixture of amused and annoyed that you so often pulled out of him. One of his hands found the zipper to your onesie and the other pulled on your thigh to wrap your leg around his waist.

He had you now.

When the zipper only reached your midsection and your position didn't allow his hands to get very far, he pulled away from you with a growl. "This fucking thing!" You giggled as Sebastian pulled you up to straddle his lap and you tried to pull your arms out of the sleeves as he held the cuffs down. With your arms finally free you pushed your hands into his hair after his hands dragged up the tank top you wore underneath, tossing it over his head behind the couch. Rocking your hips into his you moaned as his hands traveled down your bare back and he took one nipple into his warm mouth. When he moved to the other breast, however, the cold air hit your wet skin and you whined and huddled into his chest.

"Bed, please, I need my blankets!"

Sebastian rolled his head against the back of the couch and huffed, "FINE."

"Big baby," you smirked at him, climbing off and standing in front of him, but your smile was chased away when he grabbed the fabric of the onesie clinging to your waist and yanked it down to your feet. Standing only in your underwear you shrieked and took off to the bedroom, diving under your pile of blankets.

"I'm throwing this thing in the garbage!" Sebastian called from the living room.

"DON'T YOU DARE! I'll make you buy me ten more. I'll wear them every day. When we celebrate our anniversary next summer I'll make you sit in arctic temperature air conditioning while I wear a onesie. I'll...." You trailed off as Sebastian appeared in your doorway, completely naked.

He let you stare for a moment, then smirked at you with, "so this is how I get you to shut up."

You pulled off your underwear and threw them at him.

"Get in here and warm me up."

You lifted the blankets to allow him to crawl into the bed. As he was about to kiss you, you interrupted. "I feel a draft, on that side," you pointed, "make sure the blanket is tucked all the way in."

"Woman, you are infuriating."

"You love me."

"By the way, I turned off the crock pot."

"......I love you."

You surrendered to his hands, his lips, to the gentle scratch of his beard on your skin and his delicious noises as he made you sweat for the first time on this cold day. When he flipped over so you were on top, leaning down skin to skin and breathing hard, he pulled the blanket up over your shoulders and whispered, "I love you so much, I'll never get enough of you."

Sitting up straight and taking his hands in yours, you let the blanket fall off as you circled your hips over his, the feeling of him deep inside you setting you on fire.

"I'm sorry I'm such a brat all the time."

"You know I love it."

He brought one hand to where you were joined, still holding yours with the other. You sensed he was close. "Come apart for me, baby."

You'd gotten him so wound up he couldn't wait for you. But one brush of his thumb on your clit and you were right there with him.

You fell beside him, both breathless and coming down from your highs. Just before the cool air became uncomfortable on your skin Sebastian pulled the blanket up over you and you turned into him, nuzzling your nose into his neck.

"Are you warm enough? Do you need another blanket?" His voice was low, it rumbled under your hand on his chest.

You were content.

"I'm perfect, babe." You smiled against his skin, running your lips up to where his beard began and then softly singing, "I've got my love to keep me warm."

"My heart's on fire, the flame grows higher

So I will weather the storm!

What do I care how much it may storm?

Oh, I've got my love to keep me warm"

Irving Berlin

[chickenscript]

How would the Rottmnt guys comfort their grieving friend after their family member passed away?

A/N: this was the second prompt sent in and i really went for it while writing. i’ve been in a pretty rough mood lately and funneled a lot of how that feels in. i also have personal experience with loss and i tried to input a lot of that so the reader’s thoughts could feel more convincing. enjoy?

It struck you and your uncle so incredibly hard.

Out of nowhere, your grandmother was suddenly ailing. She was a healthy, elderly woman for all the years you’d known her and took good care of herself, so when her retirement home rang your uncle up, a thick fog rolled in over the two of you. It was unexpected- sudden and swift tempered information that terrified you both. The home staff said they believed she could pull through, but your uncle threw that to the wind and wasted no time. You were going to her, that was that, and you couldn’t agree more. Anything outside of leaving - school, work - was put on hold and you packed up, and your uncle drove with reckless abandon all the way upstate to Albany through the night with the exception of a few pitstops. The ride gave jitters time to sink under your skin and while you were determined to see your grandmother, undeniably, you both could tell there was a storm catching up to you.

Naturally, you stubborn gits refused to leave your grandmother's bedside as soon as you got there. You were there up until the hour came that the doctor, stricken with the grimmest set of eyes you’ve ever seen, made you hold your breath as he delivered his last answers of what was going to happen from here. And it wasn’t good. The storm you and your uncle were hoping to outrun was here, and the worst was happening.

It was like someone was drowning you with pounds upon pounds of stones in your belly. You could barely look your grandmother in the eye as your uncle let you share your sentiments first. You felt a little suffocated after he left. It was easier feeling the way you did when you knew there was someone else who felt the exact same, if not worse there with you.

When you sat down beside your grandmother’s hospital bed and held her wrinkly, pale hand, all you could think to do was retell all your favorite moments with her. She laughed along hoarsely and chimed in softly with a sickly voice. She told you to calm down in the middle of one of your retellings, she could feel you shaking.

You tried to suck it up, really did, and when you felt you could say no more to her and kissed her forehead- you bid a half quiet goodbye as she touched her finger pads to your face. Then you let your uncle have his one last moment with her as you waited outside the room, back against a wall as you tremored with pure anguish.

Your apartment was never more quiet than when you got back. 

You two were shells of yourselves, dragging your feet everywhere and not wanting to be particularly productive from that night onward. Your uncle was given an entire two weeks of leave to mourn, and yet somehow managed to leave midday most times and come back just as the wee hours started to creep in. Or when the morning was.

You drifted from your friends, distancing yourself from them and schoolwork, and went out for a lot of walks with Jigsaw. Getting lost to the city stretches. But, it was looming over your head that you knew you had to break this silence you forced over you and your friends. You couldn’t handle another harried text or voicemail from Mikey, or another chorus of texts and missed calls from his brothers that shared his worry.

It took an angry April knocking down your door on the fifth day of this emotional mayhem to finally get the guts to tell them all what happened.

Raphael is first.

You ask him to meet you at the restaurant your grandmother used to own so you can get over being afraid to go there. All the familiar sights and smells anchor you as you both slip into the closed dining establishment.

Your grandmother relinquished ownership to her sister in her retirement, and you’re not as close to her since she lived up in Syracuse, but she was there for the funeral and gave you a shoulder to cry on. She looked so much like your grandmother and even shared the same thyme scent, that it scared you to high heaven.

But it was also so comforting.

She left the restaurant’s design untouched and she only drove down every few months to stay in the apartment attached to it to see how things in the city were going. From the brick stone ovens that had been there for as long as the building’s foundations were, to the linoleum floor tiles, warm colors and rustic decorations. It still felt like the Italy your grandmother spoke of so fondly in tales she would regale when you were small and pudgy, and just learning how to chase the other toddlers. It wasn’t even her home country- Columbia was, but her father hailed from Italy and god was she ever in love with all he told her about it. It made her travel there as often as she could in her youth- which was sadly only ever once.

The 1960’s weren’t a good time for travel when you weren’t wealthy. You were only upset that she still kept a picture of herself and her husband hung on a wall with other family members - few that were actually ever around - and Italian villas she got to visit.

The fact your grandfather was never any good to your uncle after he divorced her and his damned store - that she helped him buy - was sabotaged, rubbed you the wrong way. 

At least she looked happy and youthful in the picture.

“That her?” Raph asks over your shoulder.

You hum and there’s a familiar prickle in your eye for the third time today.

“Yeah. Thanks for uhm, meeting me here. I know it was hard to leave the others back at the lair with no explanation, but…” you needed to explain how you felt to everyone one by one. Otherwise, you were sure to get overwhelmed.

“It’s all cool Snapper.” he liked to call you that after your scrappiness.

You do the best you can to smile and hang the picture back up on the nail jutting out from the wall. It was bent in a hook shape and looked like it had been there for ages. Knowing your grandmother, it probably was.

“How’re you feeling today?”

There’s that part of you, your temper, that wants to snap in offence that you felt the same since the day it happened. But, you don’t feel that anger anymore from when she died and you felt like you all could’ve done something- anything to make her time here longer. It just wasn’t sane to cling to the idea that it was someone else’s or even just your fault your grandmother died.

It was the first hurdle your mourning presented to you.

“No that awesome Big Red. I’ll be honest.” you take in a big breath and bump your shoulder to his forearm, “But I feel a lot better with you here.”

“Like, coming here isn’t so scary.” you say as an afterthought.

You remember just coming up to the block, not even being near the building yet or climbing the fire escape to the roof, made your tummy swirl with dread. Like if you took another step, something might strike you down. But you banished the feeling when you got a text about Raph almost being there. It let you summon courage and helped you to the restaurant roof. You couldn’t be standing here without the encouragement that came from knowing your friend was here too.

Not to judge how you felt or that you avoided him and his brothers for the past school week, but to support you.

You dismissively swipe the bullet of a tear that welled up in your eye.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” you could tell Raph was struggling to figure out how to comfort you.

You weren’t giving any clues and death was a foreign concept to him. He probably only knew it in the form of Splinter’s vague story; the one about his wife and child from his old life before he was a rat. You know since you met them a year ago that they’d only ever had one scare, and it mostly only effected Leo.

“Nah, I mean…” your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.

You felt the urge to just talk about her. About everything that was coming to mind about her not that you felt the nostalgia of the restaurant come at you. You think of her, and thyme and sugar cookies, bandeja paisa brunches and batches of bacalaítos you could eat all on your own. 

So you do.

You tell Raph about all the foods she would make for you, and how she was more often than not, your babysitter. You tell him about how after you had to start living with your uncle, that was around the time she retired and moved to Albany. At first, you and your uncle would swing by the restaurant as often as when she was there, but it didn’t feel the same without her tittering from the kitchen or her sitting at your table to talk with you instead of help wait tables or oversee food being cooked.

Your mom would be the one to shoo her back to work.

A much more dull ache in your chest shook the tides and you really started to have a hard time talking and just breathing.

It was okay though, you were glad to be able to let all this out and maybe this was just a sign that you were done with flushing out memories for today. Lest ones you barely remember would come back up and really wreck you.

Raph is rubbing wide circles in your back as you collect your emotions again. He’s so patient, and you wonder how someone with anger like you was able to whip it into shape the way he had. You reach for his dawdling hand and drape yours over it. You only really cover the space between his thumb and forefinger.

“Thanks Red.”

Raph leans over to bump your head with his, smiling benevolently.

“Need to let anythin’ else out? Or do you wanna go to the lair for dinner? Mike said he was making something ‘specially for you.”

You wonder what the young cook could have magicked up this time and nod distantly.

“Yeah. I think we should go.“ 

But you would come back.

You felt you needed to.

So, the next day you have Don meet you at the restaurant.

It was well past the closing time when you jimmy open the window of the apartment above it again and sneak in through there. And again, its like an eerie ghost town inside. All the chairs were on the tables, the window blinds were shuttered and the only sound was coming from the groaning freezers in the back, and the odd car outside. Something about it is somehow less bearable than last time, but then Don bumps you with an elbow and you feel less alone, and like you were about to be pulled into shadowy straits or something.

“So, what does it uh, feel like.”

You know Donatello isn’t asking to be insensitive; he honestly doesn’t get it.

Holding his hesitant, offered hand made it easier to describe to him.

You breathe in like you need an inhaler, “Like uh, like someone punched a hole right through me. Through here.”

You knock on your sternum and scoff lightly.

“Does that make sense Dee?” you look Donnie in the eye and there’s the glimmer from his abnormal eye shine.

You’ve seen it before, but you forget about it all the time. Like how you forget that your friends aren’t entirely human. They make it easy in your defense with how they act. They’re like every other hot blooded teen, including you, just in a vastly different vessel. And, they had their quirks, sure, but nothing that really bent back to them being mostly turtle. Except the occasional animal outburst- a hiss here, a Mikey retracting into his shell there. Besides that, all the things that would be considered part of their freakish, mutation flaws by most folk, you knew them as the four teenage brothers you were bonded to by the threads of friendship.

Now, you also knew them as the people who were helping you through a time in your life that had rocked your core.

You squeeze Donnie’s hand to ease you through the sudden stir of hurt. The type only tragedy can custom make, and you feel him rub your knuckles. He’s been getting better at gestures like that and you like to give yourself credit for his improvement.

“Enough.” the turtle shrugs and cocks his head at you, “Raph told me that you told him a lot about your grandmother, do you need to let out anymore stories?“

You remember how much your rambling had swelled the thin, tense air you felt, and you were compelled to tell him about the disaster that was your grandmother trying to teach you how to make arepas- you don’t even want to remember how you got dough on the ceiling. It was so embarrassing and a blush was already coloring your cheeks.

It was also the first time you laughed in a week and it made your heart flutter.

This felt so much better than the hurt of losing someone and made your memories of her feel like less of a plague. Don might not get that last bit, or any bit of what devastation did, and you hoped he wouldn’t ever have to because shit, it sucked.

No one should have to lose anyone, but that was how the world went.

Your laughter flattened out as you reach the end of your tale and you gave Don’s larger hand another squeeze, tightly interlocking your fingers.

“Let’s get out of here.” you don’t mean for it to sound like a rushed breath, but Don just nods and complies.

When he helps get you back home, you find your uncle is out - probably for a drink with his own best friend - and Don stays with you through a movie that you fall asleep halfway through. Propped in his lap with a death grip on one of his hands and dribble beginning to stream down the side of your chin.

Apparently, prying you off was like getting a bear trap open. Or that’s what he said in the text he sends you in the morning after a hope you slept well, my hand still feels asleep and a trying heart emoji.

You smile into your pillow - he must have tucked you in too - and breath easier for the rest of the day.

But then you have talk to another turtle brother.

Again, you’re guiding around a turtle teen with only one light on in the whole restaurant so no one would know you were breaking in for a kind of impromptu therapy session with a mutant. You don’t really reminisce like the other nights, you feel too numb to, and just answer trivia Mike throws at you. They all have to do with what it’s like to have a grandmother. You try to answer them the best you could so he can have a rough grasp on the concept. He’s only ever had two different forms of family and was fascinated by all the other ones out there. You let him take down and look at the pictures hung up, explaining who or what was in them, and then meaning of certain knick knacks on shelves. You tell him about all the different types of food that’s been made here, and that really perks his interest.

All the talking really gets your mind off of things, and the walk back to the lair is filled with Mikey talking about how much he wants to try to make the dishes you mentioned.

He admits he still doesn’t really get what your grandmother was to you after a couple of movies in his room, and you decide to just sum it up the best you can.

Kindness and firmness - only when it’s needed -, kisses on bruises and bumps and slathers of vicks cream even when all you had was a suspected sniffle. Lots of watching her cook, sometimes petty thieving when it came to things that accidentally stayed in the shopping cart past the checkout, and just the love a grandparent can only have for the child of their child. The over-complicated description came flowing out of you and you grin warily at Mike’s confused face when you’re finished.

Like his brothers, Michelangelo honestly doesn’t understand the pain you’re feeling and you can see him trying to. Eyes a conflicted shade of blue green. You discovered they sometimes changed colors depending on his emotions - or reflected eye shine like Don who explained how it was part of the mutation only the two of them shared -, and since he was usually high on happiness, the green never came out much. 

He butts his forehead against yours and takes your hands, looking at them thoughtfully with a pout.

“I’m sorry you feel so bad- is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” he’s got a hopeful gleam to him.

You gently smile and butt his forehead back.

“Don’t worry about it Mike, you guys just being here is enough.” to an extent. You still felt the hole from death's double barrel shotgun aching in your heart.

Mike smiles, but its shifty and half dishonest. He’s worried, but he doesn’t pressure you for more.

“Okay.”

You breathe and hold it in.

Yeah. Okay.

“Let’s order some pizza yeah? I’m actually hungry tonight.” you get up from the conglomeration of pillows on Mikey’s floor with the grunt of some elderly person who’s joints are locked up with peanut butter.

All the other nights before this, you were just sort of shoving food down your throat for the sake of sustenance and not actually getting to enjoy any flavors. You’re not sure tonight will be different though, until you feel Mikey grab your hand to hold as you walk down the hall.

For some reason, when you finally invite Leo to meet you at the restaurant, your mind starts to betray you.

You swear you can smell hints of Colombian cuisine and imagine the scene of a bustling kitchen with your grandmother singing to the radio and the softness of thyme wafting above all else. It makes you put on the brakes and nearly sink to your knees. Leo is your crutch and immediately asks what’s wrong, defying his usual carefree demeanor. You’re clumsy, sure, but you never just buckle like that. He was concerned that you were skipping out on sleep or meals again.

You’ve never done that either before now.

“Just…remembering n’ stuff.” you battle with your voice to cooperate.

Leo doesn’t ask you questions to help you piece together your feelings and just hugs you to his side so you can swoop your arm around his waist like his was around your shoulder. It really helped you feel grounded. 

Leo admits his brothers told him most of what was happening with you and how you felt. He’s curious about this person who was so near and dear to you, and wanted to know whatever you personally had to say to him about her. Unless you didn’t want to say anything, that was okay too. You weren’t sure where to start anyway, all the other times you just went off on great, big tangents that seemed to never end, but tonight, they don’t come that easy. 

You lean into Leo, staring at your least favorite picture in the restaurant. You glared emptily at your grandfather’s smiling face and then looked softly to your grandmother’s. 

She has this soft blush and her hair is tousled by some unseen breeze like her ruffled blouse. She’s so happy, she reminded you of a sprite. Beautiful and striking. That ache in your chest was no longer furious and hungry for your suffering, it dulled and the lack of grief left you unsure how to feel. Like you forgot how to do it at all with how slammed you were by sadness and it’s relatives these past few, long days. You felt direction-less and emotionally drained. You wanted to lay down and sleep for a few centuries, and wake up to see how things went while you were gone. You wonder if that’s what dying is like and we all just wake as ghosts to see the world we left to an impermanent, eternal sleep.

“Hey, you blanked out.” Leo tells you and take some of your weight off his side.

“Sorry, I’m just…tired. And I don’t know what to tell you about her, honestly. She was,” you stare at her picture again and chuckle softly, “she was a spitfire. Even in old age- you would have liked her. Maybe Don too. She made the best jokes, mostly about her own son.”

Leo smiles with you, “Sounds like a cool lady. With all the stuff Mike told me, I can see why you’d miss her.”

Your arm slacks a bit where its around him, “Yeah.”

You always would. No doubt. But you wouldn’t hurt like before. The pain will always be there in small doses, but you had them to counteract it, to medicate it,

Something to fill the void left by loss. Maybe not back up to the top or ever as full as before, but enough.

You look up at Leonardo and his warm, sympathetic stare.

Certainly enough. 

“Let’s go home eh? I’m bone tired and ready to call it a night.” he can tell you’re not referring to your uncle’s apartment, but that’s the first time you’ve called his home that without stuttering and replacing the word with lair like it should be.

Leonardo stares at you for it, but doesn’t point it out. Instead, half of a grin curves his mouth.

“Home it is.”

[foofygoldfish]

meeting the family part 2! part one is here

aka: the rye family barbeque, the infamous runny mac n cheese, and jacob builds some shelves.

somewhat abrupt end, but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (apologies to anyone on mobile, this is long)

Mary May was amazing at telling Alice when things were happening: for example, the bartender had known about the Rye family barbecue for weeks, but only told Alice the morning of, while Alice was eating breakfast after Pastor Jerome’s sermon.

Now, Alice was sitting in her truck at the end of the Rye's driveway, trying to work up the nerve to actually go to the barbecue. She knew Mary May would be there, and Pastor Jerome, and, well, the Ryes, but… She still didn’t want to go and deal with all the ‘Oh what have you been doing’s and ‘Oh you’ve grown so much! How old are you now?’s from the people who knew her dad.

She almost turned to leave when a familiar car parked behind her. Sheriff Whitehorse climbed out, followed by who she thought was his daughter and her twins. With a sigh, she slid out of her truck and waved at him.

“Hey, Sheriff.”

“Alice!” The Sheriff smiled at her, and then grunted in surprise - one of the twins had run up to him, trying to drag him towards the barbeque, the other close behind. “I’ll… See you there.”

His daughter laughed, moving to walk next to Alice. “They’re excited. Nick said he’d take them up in Carmina.”

“Carmina..?”

“His plane. You’re new here, aren’t you?”

“Yes and no? I grew up here, it’s just… been a while. Forgot the Rye’s named their plane.”

The other woman nodded. “Oh, right, you’re… Alice, right? The new recruit. I’m Erin. I’m in the day shift.”

“Yup.” Alice nodded, listening to Erin ramble on about the department and the town, and then froze in place at the end of the driveway when she saw the full extent of the barbeque. It seemed like Nick had prepared for everyone in the county to be there, and most of them had actually shown up. People were streaming in and out of the hangar closest to the house, most carrying plates loaded with food, and Nick… Was nowhere to be seen. She could see Grace, though, and her dad, hugging the wall by Nick’s arcade machine, and the Fairgraves had assigned themselves to the food - Mary May and Drew watching the buffet line, their mom at the bar (only punch and beer it looked like, much to Alice’s disappointment), and their dad… Somewhere. Probably by the grill, critiquing whoever was cooking there, if he was anything like he used to be.

Erin tapped Alice’s shoulder, and pointed in the direction of the runway. “I’m gonna go find Nick, I’ll let him and Kim know you’re here!”

She sighed. There were so many people here. None of them peggies - or at least, the ones that wear the cult’s “uniform.” It was weird, really - pretty much everywhere she had gone since arriving back in Hope County, there had been a peggie or five or ten. The general store (buying, of all things, toilet paper - she had laughed at that, you would think the cult would go to Costco or something for that), the bar (demanding the Rye’s stop selling liquor), the gas stations… Everywhere. This was nice. Normal.

Logically, she knew she should go and mingle, but honestly? Being around this many people in Hope County was weird. Instead, she placed her bowl of mashed potatoes on the table next to Mary May, and slinked off to lean against the wall. She spotted who she thought was Nick, giving piggyback rides to one of Erin’s kids while being chased by the other, and laughed, before feeling a wet nose press against her knee. Looking down, she saw a grey and white dog looking up at her, tail wagging at what seemed like the speed of light.

“Hey! Sorry about Boomer, he’s a little excited today.” A blonde woman walked up to her, grabbing the dog’s collar. “Lots of kids spoiling him! I’m Rae-Rae.”

Alice bent down to pet Boomer, then looked up at Rae-Rae. “You own the pumpkin farm, right?”

The other woman nodded. “Yup. Been in my family for decades.”

“I loved going there when I was a kid!” She grinned, then laughed as Boomer plopped down, begging for a belly rub.

“You’re a local?”

“Yeah, grew up here. Just moved back.”

Rae-Rae smiled. “Hope to see you at the farm this fall!”

“You bet! I miss good old-fashioned pumpkin patches.” Alice nodded, laughing as Boomer darted off to say hello to someone else. She waved as Rae-Rae sighed, following the excited dog.

It didn’t take long for the Sheriff to come up to her, forcing her to introduce herself to the people of Hope County, those around her age in particular - there was Elizabeth, the self-proclaimed “Horse Girl,” Stella the lumberjack (who protested that name - she made a point to tell Alice if she wanted fresh eggs, her chickens laid the best in the county), a “proper” introduction to his daughter and grandkids, and so many more.

She liked people, yeah, but… There was no way she was going to remember 90% of the names. Or faces. Both of those together? Absolutely not.

//

“So. You look as miserable as I feel.” Alice leaned against the wall next to the eldest Seed brother, carefully holding her bowl of food. “I mean, I like all the people here, it’s just… A lot. And I’m fu..freaking tired.” Jacob snorted. At her statement, or at her remembering she shouldn’t swear around toddlers, she wasn’t sure. “Well, at least someone brought mac n’ cheese. Everything’s better with mac n’ cheese.”

She looked at Jacob, and then out over the crowds, missing the momentary flash of worry that came over the man’s face. Nick was in a heated discussion (? hopefully.) with John about… Something, Joseph and Faith were sitting at a picnic table outside, eating and talking to Erin (she’d have to ask her about that later - she either had the patience of a saint or was genuinely interested in what the two were saying), Elizabeth and Stella were off playing fetch with Boomer while Rae-Rae ate, and… There were still a lot of people who she didn’t know. At least the Sheriff had stopped introducing her to people - he was a few beers in and telling stories to a group of kids that had gathered, with full sound effects and arm motions. Distracted, she took a bite of the mac n’ cheese.

“Oh, god.”

Jacob looked at her.

“This is horrible.” Alice blanched, setting the bowl down on the table beside her. “It’s an insult to mac n’ cheese everywhere. It’s like… Soup.”

“Is it that bad?”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you want to try it?”

“...No.”

“Yeah. It’s that bad. I almost want to find who brought it and teach them how to make proper mac n’ cheese.”

Jacob chuckled. “Are you really that insulted?”

“Yes!! I have a lot of feelings about mac n’ cheese. It’s not hard to make, you just --- Oh god.” She gaped at Jacob. “You brought it, didn’t you. I mean, it wasn’t here when I got here, and you guys were the last ones -- Shit.”

He laughed again - Alice took that as a sign that the man wasn’t insulted. Thank God.

The conversation was easy from then: talking to him was so easy, not something she would have guessed from his gruff appearance.

“Hey.” Alice looked over at Jacob. “Do you… Wanna get outta here or something? I mean, it looks like your brothers are pretty, uh, distracted right now --” She looked over to the airstrip, where Nick and John’s debates had turned into a full-on literal flying competition, “So we could go into town or something, not like…”

“Sure.”

Alice looked at him, startled. She didn’t think he would actually say yes, but then again, he seemed like the type that would like parties like this. “My car is here, or  --”

“Let’s…” He looked around. “Let’s walk. Need some air.”

“Oh. Sure. Uh, I’ll just drop my keys with Mary May. She can bring it back for me.” He nodded, and Alice darted off to find Mary May.

Her friend was standing on the outskirts of the crowd, shaking her head at her brother’s enthusiastic cheering. It took her a moment to catch her attention - the noise from the planes overhead was so loud - and when she did, she dragged her to a nearby tree.

“What?” Mary May looked at her, raising her eyebrow when she saw Alice’s expression. “What did you do.”

“Uh, I haven’t done anything yet, but --” She took a deep breath. “I might be doing something stupid?”

Mary May rubbed her forehead, sighing. “How stupid?”

“Uhm, can you drive my car home?”

“Alice.”

“Please?”

“Why aren’t you taking your car?”

“Uh, I’m walking back?”

“By yourself?” Mary May frowned when Alice shook her head, “Who are you going with?”

“Uhm… Jacob?”

“Jacob….?”

“Seed?”

“Fucking hell, Alice.” Mary May grabbed her friend’s arm, turning them away from the crowd. “What the fuck are you thinking?”

Alice shrugged. “Uhm. I’m… He seems --”

“Don’t say it.”

“He’s not as horrible as John?” Alice winced. “I know, I know that’s bad but -- I’ve been talking to him and --”

“You were - how long were you talking??”

She gulped. “Like, two hours? You were busy, and I don’t really know anyone, and we started talking before I really knew who he was and --”

“Alice. You --”

“We’re just going to walk back to town and, I dunno, I’ll give him a tour. Of town. I just don’t want to walk back.” Alice squirmed under Mary May’s gaze, “Look, I’m not going to do anything --”

“Alice!!!” Oops. “I wasn’t thinking you were going to -- god, please don’t fuck him. Please.”

“I promise!! Can you please just bring my car back? Uh, and my bowl?” Mary May squinted at her, then gave her a slow, reluctant nod. Alice hugged her, shoving the key in her hands. “Thank youuuu. I can pick them up from your place or whatever, just let me know when you get home!”

Turning towards the driveway she parked on, Alice saw Jacob leaning against a tree.

Silently, they walked to the main road together.

This was a mistake.

This is a mistake.

Why do I feel safe?

I’ve heard the rumors, I’ve heard of what he can do - why do I feel safe?

They chattered aimlessly as they walked to town - it was a surprisingly long walk, just over an hour, with stops by the stream and to watch (too-friendly, too at ease around humans) deer.

Jacob told her stories of his family - happy ones, silly ones, a story of John trying to teach Joseph to fly, of Jacob taking Faith hunting. Alice told him about trips around the Southwest with her brother, misadventures from college, all the weird pieces of Americana she saw on her drive back to Hope County.

He laughed when, after finally arriving at her house, he saw her tiny little mini cooper.

“Shut up!” Alice groaned. “Look, my brother drove with me, we took turns with the moving truck, it’s --”

“That thing won’t last the winter.”

“My dad’s old truck’s at the shop.” She nodded her head in the direction of the mechanic’s shop, shrugging. “I fucking hate driving it, but…”

“It’s proven?”

“Yeah. I guess. Mary May laughed at me too.”

“The bartender?”

She nodded. “Yeah. We’ve been friends for years. As long as I can remember. Her folks live - well, they all used to live next door. She told me they had issues with the house so they’re all above the bar now.”

Pausing at the front step, Alice turned to Jacob. “Uh. Do you want to come in? We could, like, uh… The creek’s nice to walk --” He shrugged. “Oh. Okay. Uh. I have two cats.”

“And?”

“Uh, I didn’t know if you’d have an issue with them. They like meeting new people.”

Another shrug. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door. She could hear a soft pitter-patter from upstairs turn into a small stampede down the stairs, and she almost pulled Jacob inside before the cats could make a break for it.

He seemed amused.

That… Was a good sign? Possibly?

Her cats liked him, too - also a possible good sign. The little assholes loved to rub up to people, begging for pets and treats (she wasn’t kidding when she told Jane that Data thought he was a dog), then, after time had passed, they’d show their actual opinion of the new person.

Jacob did pet them - that was a good sign. Crookshanks was happy with her chin scratch, and Data wove himself between the man’s legs.

“Do you, uh, want something to drink? Or we could watch a movie or something - and fuck, sorry about the mess,” How did she forget about that? Boxes everywhere, piles of stuff that were half-unpacked…. “It’s been a busy few days, I was going to do some more yesterday, but my sister hijacked my plans and made me go to that thing out at the Teller’s, and uh…”

Was that a smile?

It was close, at least.

“Do you want help?”

Alice’s eyes widened. “Uh. I mean, if you want?”

Another shrug.

“...Do you want a drink? Only really have water right now but.. Uh…”

A nod, then a glance at the box next to the tv.

“Oh. Uh. If you want? They can go on the shelf right over there. Uh. I’m going to grab… Yeah.” Alice ducked into the kitchen, taking a deep breath as the door swung shut behind her. Fucking hell - this isn’t where she expected any of this to go.

She thought he’d leave after they got to town, chill at the cafe or something until his brothers or one of the peggies picked him up.

Helping her unpack? That wasn’t even on her list of possibilities.

Reaching into the fridge for her water pitcher, she spotted the beer her brother had bought - she thought Caleb had taken it with him, or taken it over to Staci’s house when he visited his old friend, but… Huh.

“Hey, do you want a beer?” She poked her head through the door, holding the bottle up for him to see. “I mean, I can’t guarantee that it’s good, but I might have some liquor in my food box if you want that too, I’d just have to dig…”

“Sure.”

“Beer?”

“Yeah.”

Silently, she handed him the bottle, smiling when she realized that he was alphabetizing the DVDs, then went back to the kitchen to make a drink.

It may have been insanely awkward - but honestly? This was going better than she expected.

Maybe she could talk him into helping put together a bookshelf upstairs? Worth a shot, at least.

--

He did.

The fucking bookshelf was done. Alice thought she would have bribe one of her brother’s old friends, or maybe Mary May or her brother, but… This was easier.

There were a few jabs at the lack of tools in her house - in her defence, it was just a quick jaunt over to her family’s shop, she didn’t really need to keep tools here too (he disagreed) - and at the amount of stuff she had stuffed into her brother’s old bedroom-turned-storage-room upstairs, the amount of cat toys that were already spread around the house...  He was funnier than he looked. Dry humor, but still humor. It worked for him.

The two of them were sitting on her bed now, watching a movie that he’d chosen, both working on their drink of choice.

Her sister would be horrified.

Or not, she thought, if she is fucking John fucking Seed. Though she’d probably think it’s… Not proper or whatever.

She swears - her contempt for her sister had nothing to do with her leaning over and kissing Jacob.

It was a factor - but really? He’s cute.

She’ll never see him again.

No consequences, right?

Jacob kissing her back wasn’t something she really expected - it took a minute, he definitely wasn’t expecting this, but… He did respond.

It moved fast from there - his hand moved to her lower back, then slipped under her shirt -

She should stop him.

But she didn’t.

It wasn’t an emotional night, really, almost a stress-relief thing.

Him spending the night was… Definitely not expected.

Leaving without a word while she was in the shower, though? That was.

[thefabfoodgirl]

Dropping Knives.

You ever have one of those days where you are completely off your game, no matter how hard you concentrate to improve your task or mood? Of course you have. You’re human (I assume). We’ve all had those days. I imagine most of you reading this have had a lot of those days. And they can come out of nowhere, or brought about by the everyday nonsense we immerse ourselves in. Sometimes it’s just a matter of being whiny, or in a mood. Other times it’s being unable to complete thoughts or work or stay present.

And sometimes, it’s dropping your knife three separate times during meal prep, nearly stabbing yourself in the foot or hand, because your hands are shaking for seemingly no reason.

This was a particularly difficult week for a lot of folks, thanks to the Weinstein news and the ongoing negative political bullshit. I wrote my own #MeToo piece, because, honestly, I’d been holding that in for a long time. And there’s still a lot more I need to tell, and will write in due time. But beyond that, my somewhat more “normal” issues ate at me and shook me. Dumb things, little things. The fact that my commute with my new job is an hour and a half long, one way. The fact that I got back from a trip to New York a week ago and haven’t unpacked. The fact that my asthma and chronic bronchitis have been acting up because of the wildfires. The fact that I may have ruined a budding friendship with someone I care about.

These things are both big and little, in the grand scheme of things. We focus on minutiae because we’re scared of the big unknown. We take comfort in the little things. And when the little things are disrupted, you get off balance, you’re thrown off. Your anxiety flares up, and you doubt everything. And even when you hide those little thoughts in the back of your head, they still rattle around while you work on other things. Like chopping parsley with a very sharp knife.

I tried to rush through my cooking yesterday because I’m working a shift at the Booksmith today. The parsley was purchased because my 2017 comfort food has been James Beard’s Onion Rings (shout out to Ruth Reichl for providing the recipe in My Kitchen Year, which is how I discovered it), and after a whirlwind trip and the chaos that ensued upon my return, the only thing I could think to make were these 1960s hostess-with-the-mostest hors d’oeuvres. I handwashed my go-to kitchen knife before thinly slicing the onions (because my favorite part about cooking is making myself cry) and chopping parsley, and as I tried to stop thinking about how I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, I’m far too broke for being 27, and I don’t know how to fix anything or move forward, my hands shook and the knife slipped. I felt my entire body twitch and stiffen as it tumbled to the floor, somehow missing my foot.

I’ve done this before, and once accidentally cut my foot. It hurt like a bitch. Anything dropped on my foot hurts like a bitch. My feet have been victimized by my own clumsiness, starting with stubbed toes as a wobbly toddler. I already have a bruised toenail, no idea from what, and my feet have been aching for nearly a year now. In my mind, I saw the knife going straight into my left foot, cutting through to the sole. (HAH.) But it was there, on the ground, covered once again in dirt and germs, and the hand washing I had just completed was undone.

Fine. Okay. I can take a hint, universe.

The knife got cleaned and the onion got sliced and the parsley got chopped until the knife slipped again and clattered on the counter against the food processor. No cuts. I paused briefly from chopping to go press my head against a wall and close my eyes and breathe deeply.

Yesterday should’ve been easy. It was Saturday. It’s my weekend. I finally got caught up on sleep this week and started plotting out moves for the next part of my life. But the littlest things have been eating at me. I’m torn between seeking out every success and hiding out in a cabin for the rest of my years. I simultaneously crave the Pol Roger I very much deserve, and the Minute Maid Lemonade I savored every summer as a child. I’m in constant tug-of-war with myself, wanting to be an accomplished adult already; yet I wish so, so hard that I could be little and safe again, running around in the backyard, chasing the fireflies that illuminated my dreams.

I returned to the cutting board. As I finished making the sandwiches, I knocked a butter knife the ground- three times I nearly maimed myself while trying to make one simple recipe that I’ve been making for months. The sandwiches made their way to the fridge (I like them cold). I didn’t even have a taste for the sandwiches tonight. But I had to make them now.

Regardless of all the little things I let myself get distracted by, I have to keep pushing on. My dissatisfaction with my life in the Bay is not going to go away with the right comforts. Don’t get me wrong, I have a good life, a lucky life, but I’ve known for a while now that I’m holding myself back. Despite being torn between childhood and grown-ass-womanhood, I have to accept the fact that I am where I am- uncomfortably halfway between 27 and 28, well past the point of entry level work, in need of the rights funds to live on my own, and inching toward the rest of my life that I get to- no, NEED to- create myself. Even when the tools I need to get exactly what I want slip from my hand. I’m still rattled. My weekend is too short and the troubles from work that are eating at me aren’t easily resolved. My bank account is smaller than it should be and this makes me sick to my stomach nearly every day. My heart hurts for so many different reasons, and despite catching up on sleep I am completely and fully exhausted. But that’s never stopped me from going after what I want and what’s best for me. I’m probably going to be wigging out for a while, trying to figure out how to become the successful and well-paid writer I’ve always wanted to be, in addition to working on my love life and traveling the world and getting my own place and, you know, basically just being an Ideal Adult. And even if I’m not rattled, kitchen tools will definitely slip from my hand in the future. But I’ll figure things out, because I always do. Because that’s what we all do. Because life moves forward one way or another, so we’ve got to keep up. Shaky hands and dropped knives be damned.

[lotsofdogs]

PBF Baby #2: Weeks 24-27

And just like that, another four weeks have come and gone! I’m coming at you today with a recap of how the past month of my pregnancy (weeks 24 – 27) has been going around here.

Just in case you’re catching up, here are my past pregnancy-related blog posts from this pregnancy:

A Miracle On The Way

The First and Second Trimester (So Far)

PBF Baby #2: Pregnancy Weeks 20-23

Let’s dive right in, shall we?

PBF Baby #2: Pregnancy Weeks 24-27

24 Weeks

Flashback: 24 Weeks Pregnant with Chase

As I entered the 24th week of my pregnancy, the symptom that surfaced with a bang was the return of foot and calf cramps. I remember these popping up in the later months of my pregnancy with Chase and they are no fun! They seemed to be exacerbated by travel (I drove to Florida and flew to Illinois this week) but I’m doing my best to stay hydrated and stretch them out as much as possible when the killer pain kicks in. I found myself feeling rather unmotivated to work out this week and kept the three workouts I did on the lighter side. I also felt easily stressed out multiple days in a row and completely exhausted by the end of the week.

25 Weeks

Flashback: 25 Weeks Pregnant with Chase

This week I’ve been a bit emotional for personal reasons though I think some of my feelings could be attributed to pregnancy hormones and just feeling everything deeper and stronger. On the bright side, I feel like I’ve felt more grateful and head-over-heels in love with my family than ever. When I think about the fact that our family is growing, it only exacerbates these feelings. Physically, I’ve noticed a bit of heaviness down there when I run at the gym and while it’s nowhere near as uncomfortable as the heaviness I experienced with Chase, it’s still enough to cause me to opt out of running for stretches of more than a couple of minutes at a time.

One thing that’s kind of fun? I’ve become belly obsessed this week and constantly find myself rubbing and touching my belly when I’m at home. Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (which is, um, A LOT), I find myself rubbing my belly and it’s oddly comforting to me. I just love that little one growing in there!

26 Weeks

  (The kangaroo pouch on my sweatshirt coupled with the way I’m holding Chase disguised my bump a bit so this is admittedly not the best belly pic from this week but it was the only one I had!)

Flashback: 26 Weeks Pregnant with Chase

This is the first week of this pregnancy that I’ve started to really feel the physical weight of my belly and the 20+ pounds I’ve gained. Shortness of breath surfaced for me really early (within the first few weeks) but my growing belly and increasing weight are feeling more and more noticeable to me. I’ve been taking more breaks than ever at the gym, modifying more and more and listening to my body. Throughout this pregnancy, my only fitness goal has been to try to remain active and healthy, so simply showing up at the gym feels like a victory even if I scale things back in a major way some days.

We had a prenatal appointment with a specialist this week that involved an ultrasound and it was so, so nice to see our little one! We found out that our baby is measuring ahead (a big change from Chase when I was always behind), already has hair and is approximately 2.2 pounds. YAY!

Sleep this week was pretty horrible nearly every single day. Aside from waking up constantly to go to the bathroom, I kept finding myself tossing and turning for well over an hour in the middle of the night multiple nights in a row. I’m not physically uncomfortable in bed and yet I felt absolutely WIRED most nights from 1 to 3 a.m.

27 Weeks

Flashback: 27 Weeks Pregnant with Chase

I had some nausea surface again toward the end of this week and felt a little more sluggish than usual. There were also a few afternoons where I felt totally exhausted by 4 p.m. but thankfully my energy level in the mornings was usually pretty decent so I didn’t begin the day feeling too pooped other than one day last week when I opted out of my usual workout and kept things pretty low key… well as “low key” as possible while still caring for a crazy 2 1/2 year old.

I also felt low motivation when it came to cooking and preparing healthy food and while I managed to eat some kind of vegetable most days, I had cereal for lunch or dinner a few days this week which hit the spot and felt good on my stomach. I’m also so, so unmotivated when it comes to putting any effort into my appearance these days. I’m almost always sporting leggings and a sweatshirt and rarely take the time to do my hair and put on any makeup beyond a swipe of mascara here and there. Anyone else go through this during pregnancy!? I’m not sure if it’s because I’m becoming increasingly uncomfortable, a little more fatigued or what but getting ready often sounds like the least appealing thing in the world to me right now!

The big milestone of this week was heading off to my OB/GYN’s office for my glucose tolerance test. I mentioned this on the blog during my pregnancy with Chase, but my mom had gestational diabetes with both me and my sister and since many doctors believe there is a genetic link, it’s something I’ve always been a bit nervous about so I was relieved to receive my results at the end of the week and learn that I passed the screening.

On My Mind

Boy or Girl?

(Flashback pic to the cupcake we cut into to find out Chase was a boy!)

I am shocked by how much I am LOVING not knowing the sex of our baby. I truly never, ever thought I would want to be surprised but last year had a way of changing a lot of things inside of me. I really, truly am so beyond excited to snuggle a baby again in a few months and get giddy all over when I think about holding a boy OR a girl in my arms.

I feel like I’m the only mom out there without any kind of mother’s intuition about what her baby might be! People ask me all the time what I think we’re having and I have NO idea. I constantly think of our baby as a “he” but part of me wonders if this is because of Chase. I also picture giving birth to a baby boy and envision Ryan saying, “It’s a boy!” when I think about that moment, but again, is this intuition or past experience!?

When I take the time to look at this pregnancy, it has felt very different from my pregnancy with Chase in a number of ways ranging from nausea (all-day vs. a couple of hours in the morning), clearer skin (my face and upper back were Zit City with Chase but I’ve had very clear skin this time around), more rapid weight gain all over, a higher, rounder belly and completely different cravings and aversions (I wanted red meat like crazy with Chase and the thought or smell of nearly all animal protein made me want to vomit for months this time around). All of this makes me wonder if we’re having a girl so I basically feel clueless on a daily basis. Everyone around me, including Ryan, thinks we’re having a girl.

Childcare for Chase When We Go To the Hospital

I don’t know why this stresses me out so much but it does! Without family in the area, I’m not sure what to do about Chase when I actually go into labor in a couple of months. I have some absolutely incredible friends in the area and I know if I asked any of them to help out with Chase they would, but I feel bad because many of them have their own little ones to wrangle or full-time jobs that wouldn’t allow them to just drop everything and hang with Chase while I give birth. I know it will come down to asking a friend to help (my friend Carrie was unbelievably kind when I needed her to watch Chase for hours at the last minute for my second D&C) but I cannot help but feel envious of those who have family close by who are willing and able to come over to hang with their kiddos at the last minute. I hate thinking of waking Chase up in the middle of the night and bringing a groggy, cranky toddler over to a friend’s house for them to then try to settle back down in the middle of the night while we rush off to the hospital. I know it will all work out, but it’s just a logistical thing we have to think through.

Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy

One of the items I have on my must-do list for postpartum recovery after our little one arrives is meeting with a pelvic floor physical therapist. To be completely honest with you guys, I’ve struggled quite a bit with what I’ll call “mom pee” ever since Chase was born. If my bladder isn’t completely empty and I sneeze, I’ll often pee a tiny bit and it’s only worsened during pregnancy, despite doing all the kegels in the world. When I briefly mentioned this on the blog in the past, I had a couple of you chime in urging me to meet with a pelvic floor physical therapist and it’s something I’ve had on my mind ever since. It’s a must for me after our second baby arrives because I want to be proactive with my postpartum pelvic floor recovery now that I know it’s not something that, for me, will likely just improve on its own over time. If any of you have personal experience in this area, PLEASE let me know!

New Maternity Favorites

I don’t have too many new things to share since my roundup of pregnancy favorites from last month’s recap, but here are a few new maternity favorites from the past few weeks:

ASOS Cold Shoulder V-Neck Ruffle Blouse (Pictured above and only $24!)

Lululemon Align Leggings (By FAR the best purchase I’ve made in months thanks to your amazing recommendations! SO comfy. I live in these things.)

Aerie City Sweatshirt (Not maternity but it’s oversized and slouchy – and on sale for $25! – and perfect for a growing bump. I’m wearing it in the 25 week bump pics above.)

Nursery Inspiration

I am just now beginning to think about our little one’s nursery but don’t feel too much pressure to get everything in order before our baby arrives because I know they will be sleeping with us in a bassinet in our room for several months. Still, I had a lot of fun pinning inspiration pictures on Pinterest and love a subtle combination of mustard yellow, mint green and, depending on whether we have a boy or a girl, blush pink or navy blue. Exciting to think about for sure!

[Read More ...] https://www.pbfingers.com/pbf-baby-2-weeks-24-27/

[biscuits-on-the-floor]

Second time around

It has been so long since I have written here, which is a sign of how busy life has been! My job, though only part-time, kept me very busy for much of last year. Running my own business meant that a lot of my ‘spare’ time was spent responding to emails, trying to attract new clients, developing my classes, materials, marketing and so on, on top of the actual time spent teaching classes and workshops. Not that I am complaining; I loved every moment and feel really proud of what I have achieved since setting up. However my job combined with having a toddler meant little time for writing, which is such a shame because so much has happened since my last post and there are so many things I have wanted to share.

For a start I have not yet written here that I am pregnant with my second baby! I am now 38 weeks and in the final stretch but have not had chance to write about it. Becoming pregnant one month after starting my baby massage business was tough going! Like my pregnancy with Squiggles my morning sickness was pretty grim. I struggled with all-day and all-night nausea and retching. With Squiggles it lasted for 4 and a half months; this time it lasted for almost 6 months and even now when I get really tired I feel sick. It’s pretty hard to live a normal life, take care of a toddler and run a new business when you feel that sick, but somehow I got through it.

After finally feeling less sick after 6 months I thought that the last 3 months would be a bit easier. Oh dear how wrong I was! For a start, being pregnant is generally harder second time round when you have a very active, very demanding, very dependant toddler - it is utterly exhausting. But from November onwards it has been one illness after another, me and Squiggles were locked in a cycle of her catching something, then I caught it, then with immune systems weakened, something else would be caught and the cycle went on and on. Between us we’ve had vomiting viruses, tonsillitis, colds, conjunctivitis... And just when I thought we were finally free of all the winter sickness the worst of all things happened, it really was the icing on a very bad tasting cake. I was prescribed antibiotics for a suspected bladder infection and had a reaction to it which resulted in an all-over body rash. It was like the worst sunburn you've ever had and it then turned into excruciating severe itchiness over my whole body which prevented me from being able to sleep. I had many trips to the hospital (each one lasting 5-6 hours), was prescribed a bucket load of creams but was ultimately told nothing could be done for me. It was a living hell where nothing relieved the itching - not even for one minute - and it seriously affected my mental health. It lasted for over 2 weeks and even now I am still experiencing itching on and off. It was so awful that I was on the verge of begging to be induced early so I could get some stronger medication that might work or at the very least sleeping pills to help me sleep. It was a pretty horrible way to end the pregnancy. A time where I had hoped to spend some time with Squiggles, enjoying the last few weeks of it just being the two of us. I had hoped to enjoy a few weeks after finishing work to rest and prepare for the arrival of the baby. But instead I was in and out of hospital, severely miserable and feeling gutted that this time was lost.

But it all could have been much worse and I am relieved and grateful that the baby was never in any harm.

Now at 38 weeks I’m trying to make the most of the time left and have a little time to get ready for the baby and to reflect on the pregnancy so far. I’m struck by the difference between first and second pregnancies. First time round I had many months to prepare and imagine meeting my baby. I used to talk and sing to the baby, Richie used to read to the baby at bedtime. I had time to massage oil into my bump every night and think about the lovely bundle of baby inside. We went to midwife appointments together and excitedly listened to the baby’s heartbeat. I spent time preparing for the labour by listening to hypnobirthing MP3s and practicing birth breathing with Richie. We excitedly bought baby bits and pieces and prepared the nursery. We discussed names and tried to imagine if we were going to have a boy or a girl. We took fortnightly photos of my growing bump.

This time, aside from the sickness, exhaustion and a growing bump, I’ve barely had time to think about the fact that I’m pregnant. I can think of a handful of times that I’ve talked to the baby. This baby has never been read to. I never have time to lovingly massage oil into my bump. I have gone to appointments alone, listened to the baby’s heartbeat on my own, spent many an hour in waiting rooms by myself. The preparation of baby stuff has been to get it down from the loft and just this weekend I hoovered and washed the crib and pram etc. Other than a handful of new baby sleep suits, the baby’s clothes consist of Squiggle’s old baby clothes got down from the loft and washed. There is no nursery for the baby as we only have two bedrooms. I have spent virtually no time preparing for the labour (because now I know there’s no point, haha!), other than listening to my hypnobirthing MP3s, which involves me falling asleep after 2 minutes and not hearing any of it! To say I feel guilty about this is an understatement. I know that none of this means that the baby is less wanted or less loved: it’s just that the reality of already having a toddler means there is just less time for all of that preparation. But I still feel guilty about it.

The other differences between first and second pregnancies include the rather comical fact that when pregnant for the first time people fuss over you: they don’t let you lift anything heavy, bus drivers wait for you to waddle to the stop, you are given a baby shower, people offer you their seat on the train, people tell you how great you look, you can rest when you need to and avoid food when you feel sick, people often ask excitedly about the progress of the pregnancy.

This time round you, on a regular basis, have to lift and carry a two and a half year who quite often is kicking and screaming and struggling to get out of your arms. Bus drivers stop really far away from the curb and you have to lift your toddler in their pram onto the bus (not an easy thing to do with a massive bump and no stomach muscles), no one offers you a seat, there is no baby shower, people don’t mention how you look because you look like absolute crap, you can’t rest and even though you feel hideously sick and ANY smell brings on the retching you still have to cook food for your fussy toddler who ends up not eating it anyway, people rarely ask about your pregnancy and sometimes seem to entirely forget you are pregnant.

First time round your bump is treated as a precious object and people are constantly telling you to be careful and give you lots of space. This time I have Squiggles, who doesn't seem to notice I have a giant belly (other than commenting “mummy big tummy”) and continuously launches herself at me at top speed and with her full weight, squashing the bump and spends most of the day clambering on it. Your toddler does not care one bit how huge you are, she insists that you chase her, carry her, get up and down off the floor many, many times, join in the entire dance class, plies and galloping included (seriously I was galloping around the room just today). She doesn't care how exhausted you are and that every step you take brings pain in your back and pelvis and feels like you have just run a marathon. In some ways I love that although my physical form has changed she still sees me as the same mummy and thinks I can still do all the things I normally do! Sometimes she does seem to notice my physical limitation as I'm struggling to get myself up off the floor and she gives me her hand to try to help me up! Bless her! Other times it works very much to her advantage as she runs away from me and she knows I’m going to struggle to catch up with her. Less cute!

It’s hard to know if Squiggles understands the massive change that is soon to occur. We’ve talked about the baby, of course, and she knows there is a baby in mummy’s tummy ( she used to get confused and think that she and Daddy had babies in their tummies too!) But I’m not sure if she really gets that the baby will soon come out and live in the house with us. We have tried to explain this to her and you can see her little brain trying to work it out, but to be fair it’s a pretty weird concept (even for me!). I think she knows something is changing, as the bits of baby equipment appear from the loft and mummy’s tummy gets bigger and bigger. She has felt and watched the baby move. On a few occasions she got a bit jealous and when I asked if she wanted to feel the baby kicking she said “no” and pulled my top down and asked for a cuddle. She’s also going through a phase of pretending to be a baby and saying “Squiggles mummy’s baby”, as though she knows she’s soon not going to be the baby in the house any more. Ugh, why is this parenting malarkey so filled with guilt? I feel sorry for the new baby who will have less of my time and attention than Squiggles had and I feel sorry for Squiggles who will soon be pushed out of her spot as centre of the universe and go through the pain of having to share me with her new brother or sister.

Second time round has certainly been a journey so far but as hard as it has been at times, I always know deep down that it is worth it and I can’t wait to meet my new baby and hold them and experience those precious moments together right after birth. I never forget how lucky I am that I am pregnant and that I get to be a mother to another baby. I am so, so lucky and so grateful. So for my last couple of weeks I will enjoy feeling the baby move around inside me and find some time to imagine those first moments together when they finally make an appearance. I’m also looking forward to be able to have proper cuddles with Squiggles again!

[lotsofdogs]

Things I’m Loving Friday #205

Hello, hello! Happy Friday to some of my favorite people! I hope your week was a good one. My parents left before dawn this morning and while I wish their trip could’ve been longer, I’m so glad we were able to cram in a ton of fun in the two-and-a-half days I had with them this week. We filled their time in Charlotte with trips to The Raptor Center and Duck Donuts and Chase was in heaven with Mae and Pop in town! (My mom is now officially “Mae” to Chase. He could never say “Grammy” and began calling her “Mae” several months ago instead. It stuck and we all love it!)

Today is going to be a typical Friday around here: Soccer for Chase, nap time working for me and hopefully a relaxing night at home for our family this evening. We’re also hoping to make it out to a local pumpkin patch this weekend and will be attending a chili cook off party on Saturday evening as well. I signed up to bring cornbread to the party and there is going to be a prize for the best chili and the best cornbread, so if you have a GREAT cornbread recipe you love, please let me know! As of right now, I’ve got nothin’, so I need some ideas!

And now, before the weekend officially begins, it’s time for my usual Things I’m Loving Friday blog post! Below you will find a short roundup of some things I am loving this week and, as always, I’d love to hear a little bit about something that is making you smile as well.

Have a fantastic weekend!

Things I’m Loving Friday

The Smell of Pumpkin Granola

Since Chase is such a huge fan of “helping” me cook and bake in the kitchen, I find myself regularly looking for new recipes to try with him. Yesterday afternoon we whipped up several batches of pumpkin granola for our family and Chase’s preschool teachers and it made the entire house smell fantastic for hours! I loosely followed Pinch of Yum’s recipe that I bookmarked earlier this fall and it was wonderful. A must-try if you love a slightly sweet and salty granola with lots of flavor and texture! An added bonus? It’s made with real pumpkin which, if you do a quick Google search for pumpkin spice granola recipes, you’ll realize isn’t actually all that common.

Carolina Raptor Center

I’m sharing this one here for any local friends! My mom, dad and I took Chase to the Carolina Raptor Center yesterday morning and he absolutely loved it! Ryan and I visited with him once before so I had a feeling it would be a hit again. The Carolina Raptor Center is located at the front of the Latta Plantation Nature Preserve and is home to more than 30 species of birds. The whole park is shaded (perfect for hot and sunny days) and the soft trails are wonderful for a rambunctious toddler. Chase ran all over the place and had a great time pointing at owls, eagles, hawks, vultures and more. Keep this one on your list if you have an animal lover on your hands and want to do something fun outside together.

Autumn-Scented Candles

Earlier this week when I decorated our house for the fall, I unpacked all of my autumn-scented candles and love the smell of pumpkin, nutmeg, apple cider and cloves that fills the air whenever I light one and watch the beautiful flame flicker. Holiday-scented candles are my favorite and I’m already anxiously anticipating a winter marked by warm pine-scented candles and cinnamon. So cozy!

The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware

A couple of you guys and my mom recommended The Woman in Cabin 10 to me so I began reading it earlier this week. I’ve been looking forward to reading it before bed every night and it’s really picking up steam! There’s plenty of intrigue and it moves quickly and I’m very interested to see how it turns out. The book follows travel journalist Lo Blacklock as she boards a small luxury cruise on assignment from her magazine, only a couple of days after her apartment was burgled with her inside. Once aboard the ship, Lo witnesses a woman being thrown overboard and blood smeared on the glass pane diving the veranda of her cabin from the one next door. When she reports the incident to the head of security, the supposedly empty cabin next door is investigated and everything is clean and tidy and the blood is gone. Every passenger and crew member on the ship is accounted for but Lo is certain there was one passenger on the ship whose whereabouts no one can seem to explain. 

FlipCam “Phone”

Chase found our old FlipCam in our junk drawer a couple of weeks ago and even though it wasn’t charged and didn’t turn on, he immediately loved it and now refers to it as “Chase Phone.” It actually looks a lot like an iPhone so I can see the connection and he’ll “call” people on it and take pretend pictures (“peek-tures”) of Sadie which makes my heart swell. It’s adorable and I just had to share this little discovery here in case any of you out there happen to have an old FlipCam on hand that might make a great toy for your toddler!

Friday Flashbacks

Whole Wheat Pumpkin Muffins (Chase’s favorite fall muffins are officially back in our breakfast rotation. Our whole family loves them!)

Total Body Workout (A throwback workout from 2014!)

  Questions of the Day

Any delicious cornbread recipes to share? Please send them my way!

What is one thing you are loving this week?

[Read More ...] https://www.pbfingers.com/things-im-loving-friday-205/