#but I'm happy to interact if you're still interested! ^^

[hannieoftheyear]

LUCKY STRIKE [C.VN]

Vernon would never let anything happen to you. But when the time comes, and he's standing at your doorstep, flowers in one hand, and bloody cuts in the other, it's your turn to take care of him for once.

pairing: vernon x fem!reader

word count: 4,5k of lazy and messy sex for you

genre/au: mafia au, established relationship, smut with the barest plot, a bit of fluff.

content warnings: vernon is terribly down bad, light mafia themes, implied violent encounters, blood, bruises, cuts, minor injuries, reader takes care of his injuries and he gets horny, this is corny, you were warned!! | explicit smut: couch sex, switch!vernon, switch!reader, sucking fingers, they both have a thing for hands and fingers, biting, spit kink, spit as lube, handjob, unprotected sex (don't be stupid pls), cumming inside, nicknames: baby (both).

♥︎ thank you to everyone that tolerated me sending clips of vernon on the thunder stages for days ♡ this is for you

🎧: shining star (vernon solo) — seventeen

THIS FIC IS FOR +18 READERS ONLY. I can't control what people read, but I can control who interacts with my blog. MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED

check out my main masterlist ♡

note: i'm a sucker for lazy couch sex with vernon and i won't apologize for it!! i hope you enjoy this silly thing ♥︎

this was, of course, heavily inspired by all the 'happy burstday' concept photos and stages

mafia prompt taken from here ♥︎ dividers here

"Being adopted into the local mafia has its pros and cons."

Pros: You can safely do your 2 am. grocery shopping at the one superstore that's open all night without fearing for your life. Those scary looking men, the ones you'd normally cross the street to avoid, treat you like their little sister. All except for the cutest one of them all.

The gloomy night accompanies the swift movements of the crochet needle between your fingers, tangling the strings of light blue and red knitting wool you bought days ago in a whim. In the search for a new hobby, your algorithm acted out again, and you ended up on the granny activities side, peaking your interest enough to sit on your uncomfortable couch for hours trying to make a usable piece of clothing.

Normally, on a weekend night, the cold wind would be welcomed by your barely covered skin, walking hand in hand with the only guy your self proclaimed body guards allowed you to be in close proximity to. But something, or rather, someone, told you to stay home for the night.

Another pro of being close with the bad guys: they help you avoid confrontations with threatening rival gangs. You're left blissfully out of the mess, but, as you're still able to hear the rounds of loud noises on the streets around the neighborhood, you're also not unaware of the bruises you see covering the guys' arms and faces the next day.

Your forehead hurts from all the frowning you've been doing for the past hour, trying to figure out the pattern you should be following and restarting every few rows.

A soft, unsure knock takes your concentration away, but it quickly puts a smile on your face as you realize who's the only person that'd show up at this hour at your door. The amateur crochet project is left forgotten on the coffee table, the metal needle crinkling against the glass as you get up from the couch.

But, whatever excitement you had, it drops completely as soon as the doorknob turns under your hold, and the door opens to reveal who you were expecting.

Vernon stands at the entrance, with his side smile painting his face as if everything was okay. You instantly know it's not. His lower lip is swollen red, probably from a punch, the neck line of his t-shirt is stretched far more than normal, with a tear visible on the side.

Cons of being adopted by the local mafia: your big bad mafia boyfriend constantly gets hurt on the job.

With one hand busy holding a bouquet of your favorite yellow flowers, he wraps the other one around your waist when you don't move, frozen analyzing his state. "Not happy to see me?"

Vernon's teasing smile so close to you, mixed with his breath fanning your face as he leans in to give you a peck, is intoxicating. His bruised lips are soft against yours, taking seconds longer to feel you on him than normal. One would never guess he's hurt from the way he's pushing himself against you.

"Baby, what happened?" Your hand reaches for his behind your back, the cuts on his knuckles harsh under the pads of your fingers.

He sighs against your parted lips, chuckling lightly before taking a step back and letting himself in into your apartment. "You should see the other guys."

"Multiple?" Your wide eyes follow him as he searches for a vase to put the flowers he brought.

It's natural for him to have his way around your home. After all, he's the only one that you, or your neighborly mafia, ever allowed in. It's your sacred place, safe from the dangerous outside world, the only place where you can be truly calm, be with him with no fears.

While he occupies himself with his gift, you take the chance to escape to your bathroom, wash the dried blood from your hands, and find your first aid kit. The one you've never had to use before.

You were always the one who he took care of, who he protected, made sure you were intact. After so many times he was there for you, it's your turn to take care of him and heal his wounds the best you can.

"Remember I told you to stay in today?" His gaze is trained on you as you sink down next to him. The click of the aid kit opening breaks the silence as he waits for your answer.

You only nod, half hearing him, half focusing on grabbing what you need to disinfect the cuts in his hand. His hand that places itself on your thigh to draw your attention.

"We're okay—I'm okay," his voice is soft, knowing you worry every time he goes out to parts of the town they don't have under their control, "it was just a small payback."

"Baby, you're bleeding," Vernon hisses as you clean the wounds around his knuckles with an alcohol-soaked cotton ball, "who did you go with?"

"Mingyu and Wonwoo," your insides burn, feeling his stare, boring holes on the side of your face, "they took on the bigger guys." Vernon jokes.

You shouldn't sigh in relief hearing that, but you do so anyway.

It's a regular occurrence for the guys to tease him for his objectively smaller build, but he counters it with a perfectly learned strategy. He knows how to fight, knows the places that hurt the most being punched, where to kick, poke, slap to make his opponent lose their balance, and ultimately, the fight.

"Let's hope these people don't come back after you."

"Believe me, they won't." He smirks, charging his words with smugness.

You wrap the little bandage you had saved around his hand with care. Not too loose, not to tight. You feel his eyes on you as you leave the aid kit on the table, right besides the mess of knitting wool you alredy forgot was there.

"I have the best nurse ever." Vernon wastes no time, lifting your hips with his, now working, hands, and sits you on his lap, both your legs fitting naturally at his sides as he realizes you're only wearing panties under your t-shirt. "I should come here hurt more often."

"Then you'll have to replace the stuff I use on you!" Looking slightly down to connect your eyes with his, your teasing tone vanishes at the soft glimmer in his eyes. "Please, just… be careful next time."

The side of his face feels warm against the palm of your hand, and he leans into your touch, feeling your care even through the smallest, most mundane touches.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shown up like this." His doe eyes turn glassy, searching for any anger indicators on your expression, but only finding worry. "I just wanted to see you."

You could never get mad at him. Not when you met him knowing full well what his life was like. Not when he pursued you by showing you he can still be a gentleman despite his shady life. Not when he never gave you any reason not to trust him.

"I wanted to see you too," you reveal as if you didn't constantly wait for him. Sitting on this very couch every night, longing for that knock on the door you always know it's him. "I don't mind taking care of you."

"I should be the one doing that." Vernon's hands fix their grip on your hips, reminding you that they're still there, holding you close to him.

"Well, I'm not the one getting into fights with 6 feet tall buff guys on the daily."

He chuckles, full of endearment, and your stomach tightens. If you could rank every sound you ever heard, Vernon's kinds of laughs and giggles would all be at the top, not a very close race with anything else. It's a distinguishable sound you never want to forget.

Your hand goes down the side of Vernon's neck, his pulse accelerating under your touch as you check to see if he's real, if he's really sitting on your couch with you straddling him.

His focus get lost on your touch now going down the side of his arm, and soon finds your hand with his. He interlocks his fingers with yours as soon as he gets a hold of it, directing your hand to his mouth and leaving a gentle but teasing kiss on the back of it.

"Vernon," you reprimand, but don't stop him as he places peck after peck everywhere on your hand, each triggering a wave of different feelings down your nervous system. He's uncontrollable and always finds the way to get you in the mood with him.

"You look so pretty over me, all worried." His hot breath tickles your fingers that were just taking care of him.

Your thumb swipes gently over his busted lip, raw from his habit of gnawing at them with his teeth and from the fight you're nursing him from. He purses his lips, teasing your awaiting skin, goosebumps waking up all over your body at the anticipation.

"You can't seriously be turned on by this," you snicker to try and hide the very real reactions he's eliciting from you.

His eyes snap back to you at your words, as if a challenge was set.

So quick you barely have time to register it, the hand at your hip travels to your lower back and Vernon's sliding you across his lap, showing off his strength to get you closer to his torso until you're completely against him.

Every part of you is against him. His right hand on your back, holding you electrically close to his growing hard, pulsing against your core. Your hand's held hostage by his left hand just above where your chest flushes against his.

"You have no idea how crazy I am for you." Every word he says reverberates through his chest and into yours.

Gasping is your only answer. You don't trust your ability to apeak properly in your current state of increasing bodily heat.

"When I wake up and you're not next to me," he continues, "my first thought is always to come looking for you." His fingers wander inside the big t-shirt you're wearing, one you stole from him after your first night together.

"Nothing stops you from staying the night here." Your voice draws the smirk back on his face.

"I'd stay here every night if it didn't mean putting you in danger." Longing bleeds through his words, true and hurt.

"But you'd be here to protect me." You're not naive. You know what he means. But that doesn't stop you from wanting to be close to him every second of every day.

Vernon nods in acknowledgment, a silent agreement between the two of you. It's dangerous. Everything about your relationship is risky. But even if he's willing to put himself at risk for the chance of seeing you, he'd never put you in danger. He'd never take that chance.

His lips kissing your hand again catch your attention, every fiber of your body now focused on his next move. Your fingers, cold against the warmness spreading across his face, seem to be the only thing on Vernon's mind.

When he wraps his mouth around your index finger, gently sucking on it with a new admiration, fire expands from your insides and out, taking everything with it, filling you with a new, unexpected want.

"Vern—" Your breath halts at the mention of his name, fueling his need as he dives in further, playing with his tongue around your finger like it was his new favorite toy.

You've never felt anything like this. A hot, sizzling arousal rushing through your veins at the sight of your boyfriend worshiping the fingers that were just nursing him.

A choked up moan escapes you as he sucks another finger in his mouth. Your index and middle finger are now coated in his spit, making a messy, wet toy out of your hand.

The couch moves just slightly as you push yourself against him at every swirl of his tongue, feeling his length hardening with every uncontrolled grind of your hips against his.

Vernon's other hand travels all over your torso, finding you're wearing no bra under the shirt that was once his. He loves making a moaning mess of you, mixing the arousal from sucking on your fingers with the touch you've been craving on your chest.

Everywhere. He's everywhere. His thighs under yours, his hard pressing against your barely covered core, his hand feeling your chest up as your fingers scrape the sides of his mouth.

Every second it passes, you search for more of him, pressing against his chest until he has trouble fondling your breasts.

He pulls your fingers out of his mouth slowly, a string of saliva connecting them with his lower lips stretching until it breaks, undoing the trance you were in while watching Vernon have his way.

"I should be taking care of you," your voice breaks into a whisper, your boyfriend’s dark stare punching away any thought you had.

"Having you on top of me is all I need," your wet fingers trace his jaw as he speaks, and he smirks at the sounds you make when he flicks one of your nipples with his thumb, "making you moan my name when I've barely touched you."

His eyes train on your parted lips, exhaling heavily as he plays with your nipples exactly how he knows you like it. You can only fist the stretched neckline of his t-shirt, making it worse but making it yours.

Your other hand finds the back of his head, his growing buzz-cut threading between your fingers.

"Have I told you I love your hair?" How you find it in you to speak is beyond your knowledge, but he chuckles at your nonsense, and the fire burning at the pit of your stomach spreads down your thighs and soaks your underwear further. "I love it so much."

Vernon's hard groin twitches under the needy grinding of your hips, his throat swallowing with trouble as you break down his facade little by little.

"Let me," you know he won't take his hands off of you willingly. You don't really want him to stop either, but you're focusing on him tonight.

He groans as you push yourself off him, quickly finding the zipper of his jeans. "Baby…" his words trail off seeing you kneeling on the floor against him.

Trying to slip his jeans and boxers down, he gives in and lifts his body to help you. He'd never deny you of anything you want.

You don't restrain yourself, your hands finding the flesh of his thighs and traveling up and up until you're barely touching where he most wants to.

But a hand sneaks under your jaw, tilting it up until you're connecting eyes with Vernon again. "Don't," you barely whisper, a plea for him to let you make him feel good.

"Want you on top," he doesn't ask, doesn't order you, only outers his wish, with his eyebrows quirking in the way that always has you melting for him, "I'd feel much, much better."

You snort with an endearing smile, "I thought you were fine." Even after your teasing remainder, you oblige what he wants.

"Every time you get off of me, I start feeling sick," he coughs a few times to get his point across, "my body needs you to feel well.

Vernon's always been able to make you laugh, even when you're on the brink of tearing all his clothes off. "Then we better listen!"

His bare legs find themselves under your weight again, the skin to skin contact igniting every connecting point of your bodies. You tug at the ends of his damaged t-shirt until he gets the hint you want it off.

Vernon groans as the dampness of your panties rubs against his length, gripping your hips to flush you against him harder, not wanting to wait any longer to feel you all over him. You waste no time, holding his face between your hands and closing the electrifying distance between you.

A moan fights out of him a soon as your lips take his, molding together perfectly, as if they were meant to be connected forever. You can feel where his lower lip is hurt, swiping your tongue over the bruise as he moans on your mouth again.

Your hand caresses the side of his face, not letting his lips go as the other travels down his heaving chest. His muscles tense under the teasing touch of your fingers, nails raking down his skin.

Another moan coming from him is exactly what you need as you sneak your hand between your bodies, wrapping it around his cock that craves your touch.

He chases your lips as you lean back, revealing the state he's in, all because of you. His lips glisten with the mix of yours and his spit, parted and calling for you again as he catches his breath.

The changing shine in your eyes alerts him that you're planning something, an idea planted by the sight before you.

You swirl your tongue in your mouth, gathering as much spit as you can before locking eyes with him and letting it drop out of your lips, falling in a glob until it sits at the tip of his hardness.

Vernon's eyes darken at every one of your moves, his gaze entranced on your lips. Lips that were spilling all kinds of worried words minutes ago, and now are coating his cock with saliva so your hand can glide up and down at your desired pace.

"God, baby," your hand squeezes around him, spreading the mix of spit and precum so slowly on his girth that he's having trouble breathing, "you're so good to me."

The back of the couch holds his head as he leans back with another groan. His neck stretched out, glistening with sweat, calls to you. And who are you not to answer?

Your core traps his erection against your hand as you lean in, leaving wet kisses on your boyfriend's throat, feeling his every sound vibrating against your lips. He mumbles praises into the air, letting his hands wander across your back and squeezing your ass to press your further to him.

The wet fabric of your panties sticks to your folds in the shape of his length, everything pushing your cores together harder and harder. You let the swift rhythm of your hand on his cock and you grinding your covered clit against him take you to another world.

"Feel better?" Your lips graze the sensitive skin on his neck as you half ask half gasp.

Vernon's automatic response is to tighten his hold on your ass, grinding your hips against his with more force, the friction between your cores breathtaking. "I could," he teases.

"Greedy," your hot breath hits under his earlobe, and even you can feel the shiver going down Vernon's body.

His cock twitches as you slow down the pace of you hand. The combining feel of your folds and your hand stroking him almost make Vernon go crazy.

"You feel so good, baby," his eyes close in concentration, every touch of yours too much for him, "can't wait to be inside you."

In the midst of his senseless words and your desperate touches, Vernon finds the way to sneak a hand under you. Between his legs, his digits find the dampness growing at your core. "So wet already, for me."

Another hand grabs a fistful of your hair, detaching your mouth from licking your way up his jaw. He forces you to look at him, eyes full of desire, waiting for your answer.

"Yes—all for you-u," your words break in a moan as two fingers sneak under your panties, collecting your arousal and triggering another wave.

"Good." It is all for him. All because of him. The only one who can have you like this.

Smirking, his eyes lock in with yours, full of fire as his hand appears in your field of view. You don't stop looking into his eyes, the mischievous glint on them keeping you there, all while he sucks your juices off his fingers.

It takes all your strength to get up from the couch again, with only one objective in mind.

Your boyfriend gawks as if you were putting on a show only for him, slipping down his favorite panties, now stained with an unholy amount of juices. He stares with his mouth agape, but he's not patient. As soon as the fabric's off, he's grabbing your big t-shirt and pulling you towards him again.

Lips crash with lust and desperation, messily craving more and more. His teeth nibble at your lower lip, a matching bruise waiting to appear, but you don't care. You moan in his mouth, tangling your fingers with the short hair growing at the back of his head.

His thigh becomes a mess of your arousal, careless about your position as you let Vernon have his way into your mouth. Your tongues dance around the other, slowly melting into each other.

"Spit," you chase his lips as he separates to demand. Seeing his non-injured hand under your jaw, you quickly realize what he's doing.

Your living room's filled with gasping sounds and hot breaths, time stopping as your eyes lock. Vernon's eyes are on you as you let your spit drop into his hand.

You hover over his groin, dripping into his hand as he lowers it down between your cores. The tip of his cock grazes your entrance as he pumps his hard with his spit covered hand, the wet sounds reaching your ears.

Sinking down on your boyfriend's lap, the head of his cock enters you just right, your walls welcoming to mold into his shape.

Your lips stop working as you're filled to the brim, sitting on Vernon's thighs and gasping into his mouth trying to get used to the unprepared stretch.

As you're draped over his torso, he easily finds his way down your neck.

"Relax, baby," he says against the skin of your neck.

Every spot he knows you like, he kisses, whispering encouraging praise that gives you chills. Under your ear, along your jaw, over your pulse point, his lips press and suck at your skin, feeling how you warm up around him.

When he shifts his position slightly, his length pushes inside you just a bit more, your walls clamp against him, sucking him further inside in a whine, "That's it."

His husky voice goes through your ear and down to your core, and you swivel your hips up just to elicit another sound from him.

Vernon's hands find themselves gripping your hips again, helping you as you start a lazy pace on his lap. Your teeth sink down on the flesh between his shoulder and his neck, and he moans in your ear at the sensation.

"You'll have to take care of that one too," his breath tickles down your ear, and the vibrations of your chuckle almost make you lose your focus on him.

You kiss on the dent shaped like your teeth, "like you don't love it."

He hums a broken moan, the combination of everything you're giving him finally working like you intended.

Your walls tighten around him just as your fingers find his scalp, short nails raking between his growing buzz-cut trying to have him losing his mind under you.

It's not long before his hips join the fun, thrusting up to meet your pace and making you lose your breath. You feel him up to your throat, every place inside you marked with his name.

Vernon's hands roam all over your torso, indecisive, keeping you close but in the search for his favorite places to grope and touch. Your body's on the verge of giving out, and he knows it.

When he wraps his arms around your back and leans back against the couch, flushing your chest completely against his, you both lose it.

You're not in control anymore, if you ever were. Your knees barely stay at his sides as he thrusts up incessantly, the sounds of your ass slapping against the flesh of his thighs echoing around your living room.

But his groaning in your ear, his rambling words about how good you are for him, are only for you to hear.

Intercalating between lazy and desperate, no matter the time or the place, Vernon always finds that spot inside you that has you seeing stars.

So quickly, it'd be embarrassing if it was anyone else, your body starts quivering, every one of your senses losing focus as your insides get closer and closer to snapping.

"I'm c-close," you manage to form a coherent string of words in between a few merciless thrusts.

"I can feel it—" a breathless whine mixes up between his words, "cum around me, baby." He's as desperate as you.

With everything combined, Vernon's noises on your ear, his arms tight around you, and every spot inside you being abused at once, the world becomes a blur of fire and white light as your orgasm rips through you.

Your body shakes on top of him as Vernon chases his own orgasm, stretching yours for as long as his cock grinds inside you with a purpose. But he's a weak man when it comes to you, and with the way your walls clamp hard around him, making him work for every thrust, it's not long before he's lost too.

You feel the ropes of cum coating your walls, his length twitching as you take it all. All of him inside you as if you were one.

Silence, deep breaths and the smell of sex fill the room as your bodies take in everything you just did.

Only when Vernon's lips kiss along your shoulder, you realize he's still inside you, and you shouldn't rest.

"I have the best nurse ever," Vernon chuckles along his words as you get up from his lap to find your discarded panties.

Everything is still the same. His clothes disregarded on the floor, the flowers sitting on a vase you haven't seen since you moved in.

You turn around to find him putting on his boxers, his eyes a promise that he's not done with you yet, "I don't think a good nurse would recommend this type of cardio after a fight."

"Then I don't trust them."

Chuckling again, and knowing he'll join you later in the shower, you fall between his arms again, laying together on the couch like you've done so many times before.

Now is your turn to look up at him, the fire in his eyes not gone, but now overpowered by endearment.

You don't want to. You really don't want to. But your eyes close with tiredness, and the rhythm of Vernon's breathing is so serene that you fall asleep in his arms.

There, in your couch, everything around you forgotten and replaced by him.

note: thank you so much for reading! pls share your thoughts I'd love to read them ♥︎

[yaraanderson]

I’m back to request some more fanfics from you! Do you have any great Ellabs recs? 😊

Yes! Your wish is my command.

(I avoided adding any duplicates from the last rec list. I also didn't add any too-short incomplete fics, as I wanted to keep it to fics that I have more of a sense of the quality and direction of.)

Fair warning that I tend to skip explicit scenes, so I'm not a judge for how good any of those are in these fics if that's what you're interested in.

Drawbridge by ThisLiminalSpace (In Progress)

Post-Canon Fake Family Fic, very fun so far but still has the angst

Sierra Nevada by scp116 (In Progress)

Post-Canon semi-forced proximity in the form of saving Lev's life. This has some great interactions and I am excited to see where it's going.

Tangled Like Sweater Threads Knotted Together by Randomgirlreading (In progress)

Ellie leaves after Joel Lies about the Fireflies in Salt Lake, and ends up in the WLF. A fic where Ellie actually has relationships with the whole Salt Lake Crew, quite the rare gem.

In Between Borderlines by hystericlesbian (Complete)

Post-Canon forced to work together. Realistic build, and Lev having a harder time trusting Ellie than Abby were good bonuses.

warmed by bloodstained hands by JustAnotherSailorScout (Complete)

Post-Canon, Ellie saves Abby's life and nurses her back to health on the farm in Jackson. I remember this being really sweet for a Ellabs fic and enjoying it.

throw you like a tantrum by houndstooth (Incomplete but Hopefully not abandoned)

Post-Canon, Ellie and Abby travelling together with Fireflies. While I don't remember specifics, I know I really liked this one and its still very much worth the read despite being incomplete. Some outside reactions to Ellabs' complicated-ness.

Hold Me Like a Knife by Randomgirlreading (One-shot)

Santa Barbara Abby Character Study, with slight canon divergence for the start of Ellabs working together

There is a crack, a crack in everything -- That's how the light gets in by godfurrypro (Incomplete)

Very different kind of Post-Canon Fic. Ellie is suicidal, Abby and Lev keep her alive despite her best efforts. Worth the read.

and i don't want your pity (i just want somebody near me) by Isolatedwriting (Complete)

Dark version of Ellabs. Ellie killed Abby on the beach, and now is being haunted. (Warning: Lev also died as a result, he's not present though) Not a happy fic, but its dark in the haunting, mental illness-sense, not the violent-sense.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year by Anonymous (Incomplete)

Ellabs have no known history. Making their way to Jackson, with Lev, in the middle of the winter after an avalanche brings them together fic. So sad that it's likely abandoned.

The Good Fight by AudacityOfHuge (Complete)

Post-Canon. Ellie and Abby (and Lev) working together as Fireflies, in search of a cure. Great fic, actually explores a bit of Jackson's reactions to a canon Ellabs in the sequel.

iron to the core by houndstoothed (One-shot)

Post-Canon. Short, entirely pre-relationship, and sweet. Abby runs into Ellie, Dina, JJ, Maria and Tommy on a supply run.

i can't escape, or so it seems (i'd run away, shes in my dreams) by Isolatedwriting (Complete)

Canon up until the beach fight, during which Ellie remembers another life where she loved Abby. She then tags along with a hesitant and confused Abby and Lev, and tries to get that love back.

Fragmented Subconscious by TheMostSmooth (Incomplete)

Ellie is functionally immortal and loses a chunk of her memories, including Abby killing Joel, after Abby shoots her in the head in the theater. One of the earliest Ellabs fics I ever read I think. I don't remember a ton but I was subscribed when it was still updating.

two hands digging in each other’s wounds by michirukaioh (Complete)

Post Canon. Ellabs + Lev on the road. I know I liked this, but don't remember specifics on which things are from this fic. (I have a trash memory lol)

[idioticaltxri]

anyway would probably be losing it if i werent so dissociated i cant feel myself but like. its ok :D i just need attention or smth. why am i like thus lollllll

attentions you

I'm sorry y'all are dissociated to shit, that actually sux

but on a side note, since i was the first fp anon i have a few words to say

y'all may or may not have been our fp for more than a few weeks holy shit (it's not a surprise for us, we were just in denial LMFAOOO)

maybe since like.. before we started interacting so much with y'all, like before the anti-willo blocklist bc that anti-willo blocklist literally was what got us to send y'all more asks and come out of our shell and talk with y'all and end up here where we literally chatted live with y'all on a stupid pony game (i call it stupid bc i call every silly interests we have stupid /gen)

Also literally everytime we interact with y'all you make us so happy, like so happy. you literally don't understand the amount of joy and happiness we feel (that also may be partially one of the reasons our gangle got front stuck for 18 days straight and is still currently ongoing fronstuckness)

I'm proud to be one of your moots, I'm proud to be one of your friends, I'm proud i get to Interact with y'all, I'm proud i get to watch y'all posts silly stuff, I'm proud i get to wake up each and everyday knowing i have another reason to wake up for besides a promise i made to a friend i barely talk with anymore

I'm proud you're& one of the reasons we got out of our anxiety shell more and started being more confident in ourselves (hence the reason I'm (jax btw) frontstuck and constantly posting) because of you guys

you're& the reason we haven't self-isolated in a while

you're& also kinda the reason we're doing better mentally

you're&, in our eyes, a savior, and i don't mean this in a way to boost y'alls ego as a stupid joke, i mean this in a very serious and genuine way

i may be a sap, which has honestly been y'alls fault (/vpos), i used to be more of an asshat (but that was more of a silly good fun asshat thing bc I'm more mindful of people's feelings) but y'all are, no matter who's fronting, no matter what your& issues are, no matter what you& do, one of the best people in our entire life

we love you guys, thank you for existing <3

/gen/srs

[mintedwitcher]

Since finding your blog and interacting more with 911 fandom outside my little friend cluster I would like to say my fanfic reading preferences have changed. Not wildly. I still read buddie because I like the concept, the show and actor (rg) execution of even their friendship is abysmal and honestly will probably be disappointed if they someone end up cannon at this rate. Anyways tangent. I've let myself enjoy Bucktommy because buck deserves so much love and affection and Tommy Kindard bashing is now a tag I avoid since its used to just prop up buddie stuff.

yay I'm so happy that you're enjoying bucktommy! let me know if you ever want recs, I have so many in my bookmarks.

I agree with what you've said about buddie too - I used to be a hardcore shipper, but that interest died as soon as the hate for Tommy spiked, but I do still enjoy the fanon concept of them. canon has basically shown us all at this point that they're not even friends, so whenever I think of that ship now, I think of it purely through the fanon lens, entirely divorced from canon. to me, now, they're not even the same characters tbh.

(also despite what some shippers still insist, we can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the show won't make them a canon couple; the PR has been explicit about that this year.)

by the way, don't apologise for tangents, I'm basically the king of them myself, and will yap for Days on some topics so I totally get you lol

[outoftheirdifferences]

"this is an unexpected pleasure." (Ingvar for Lilo?)

STAR WARS: EPISODE VI - RETURN OF THE JEDI PROMPTS

She nodded solemnly, as if talking to someone who absolutely towered over her like this was an everyday occurrence. Honestly, considering Gantu, it almost might as well have been. The surprise, if Lilo was surprised at all, was that this particular giant was generally human-looking aside from size, unlike the obviously alien captain.

But for a girl who fully believed in vampires and undead mummies? Well, she wasn't one to judge.

"Yeah, Sparky doesn't come down from the lighthouse that often. He must think you're really something special."

She watched the electrical experiment zip lightly around her new companion, not touching him but buzzing close enough to see that he was clearly fascinated. A smile was on the girl's face. As official caretaker of all Stitch's cousins, it always warmed her heart to see others accept them as readily as she herself did - and that didn't change no matter who the person in question was.

"So, where are you from?" she tried nonchalantly, as if she asked that question of giants absolutely all the time.

[bililyy]

IF IT'S FOREVER IT'S EVEN BETTER | PAIGE BUECKERS

𝜗𝜚 Summary: Y/n is having a hard time coming out to her parents about her relationship with Paige, but well, it had to happen eventually, right?

𝜗𝜚 Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Fem!Reader WC: 2.921

𝜗𝜚 Warnings!: Internalized homophobia, use of Y/n, Reader is having difficulty coming out to parents, crying, minor argument, Happy ending.

GUYS! My native language is not English, so you will probably find some mistakes, I'm sorry, I promise I will improve. NOW! Please comment your opinion on this, I love interacting with you. :)

"So, how's Christmas going to be for you guys?" KK asks looking at Y/n and Piage who are sitting side by side holding hands on the couch.

"Actually, we won't be spending Christmas together." This seems to take everyone by surprise. Except Paige, the two had already talked about it a few nights before.

"No?"

"No, me... I'll spend it with my family and Paige with hers." Y/n says this a little awkwardly and feels Paige's grip on her hand tighten.

"But... Why? Don't your families know each other or something?" Azzi asks half laughing.

"No, they've known each other since childhood actually but..." Yes, Y/n was feeling tortured.

"What happened?"

"It's just that her parents still don't know that we... are together." The girls look at their girlfriends with their jaws dropped.

"What?"

"Actually, they don't even know I'm..."

"Your parents don't know you're a lesbian?!" KK says in disbelief.

"Not yet." Y/n says feeling her throat close up a little.

"Wow, we had no idea, Paige is always hanging around you, don't they suspect?"Azzi asks and Paige looks down.

This was a difficult thing for both sides.

"They think she's my best friend, well she is, but they think that's all." This makes the other girl smile a little.

"But it's okay, you'll tell eles when the time is right." Paige says kissing Y/n's knuckles.

"Isn't that hard?" KK asks and Y/n scoffs.

"Torture."

"We'll find a way."

But during that Christmas morning, all Y/n wanted was for Paige to be with her at that table, having coffee together in matching ugly sweaters.

Damn, she's 22 years old, why did she have to live her love in hiding?

"You're so quiet, honey, are you okay?" Y/n's mother asks, a little worried, when she sees her daughter appear in the kitchen with a tired expression.

"Yes, I'm just... I'm thinking about work." She gives a half smile, but Y/n's older brother Luke looks at her suspiciously.

"Can you help me get some bags from the car?" He asks seriously and she just nods following him.

He hadn't been able to get there on time the night before on Christmas Eve, so he arrived this morning to have coffee and spend the day with his family.

As soon as they leave the house, Luke looks at her with an amused expression.

"So, who is he?" He asks trying to read his sister.

"There's no him, brother." Y/n says kicking the snow on the ground next to Luke's car.

"So… her?" he asks, unlocking the car. Y/n stands still, not daring to look at her brother’s face.

"I-"

"It’s Paige, isn’t it?" That makes Y/n catch her breath. When she looks at Luke, she sees him smiling with an 'got you' expression.

"I knew it."

"What? Luke you can't say that." She says opening the car door and grabbing the bags from the back seat.

"What?"

"Saying 'I already knew' like it was something very obvious." She says dropping the bags and running her hands over her face.

"But it was... To me."

"You guys are always together, and I actually don't think I've ever seen you interested in a guy."

They are silent for a while, Y/n looking at the floor with her hands in her coat pocket and Luke looking at his sister affectionately.

"Hey, come here." He says pulling his sister into a tight hug.

"It's okay, I promise you." This makes Y/n feel her eyes burn, she closes them tightly just feeling her brother's arms.

"Luke, I'm scared." She says this hugging him tighter and crying into his chest.

"Please God, don't let my parents go out that door." That was all she thought.

"I know, but we're in this together now, I promise I'm on your side regardless of their reaction." He says giving her a loving kiss on the head.

"How long has it been?"

"That I'm... gay?" She asks letting go of him and wiping her tears.

Luke chuckles when he hears that.

"No, silly, you and Paige are together."

"It's been almost a year." She says smiling as she remembers her girlfriend.

He looks at her a little surprised.

"All of this?"

"I know, I should have told them already but-"

"Calm down, it's okay sister." He says interrupting the girl before she has a fit.

"This must be really hard, it's okay."

He sighs and looks at his sister fidgeting with her hands nervously.

"I don't love you any less because of that, you know?" This makes her want to cry again.

"And if they love you any less because of it, it's not your fault."

"How can it not be my fault?" She says softly.

"Love doesn't work that way, sister."

He's right, love doesn't reject.

"Are you happy?"

"Very happy."

"Then it works for me."

Luke smiles when he sees that the woman's expression has improved a little.

"Let's go inside, I'm freezing." He says handing her some bags, and taking the rest, closing the door with his foot, and activating the alarm on the remote.

"Race to see who gets there first?" He says smiling.

"On three... Three!" The younger sister runs before he can think.

"You cheater!'

Anyway, Luke won.

"Come on kids, they're almost here." Their mother says as they enter the kitchen with their bags.

"Who, mom?"

"I invited some of your friends to have coffee with us."

"What friends?" She says, motionless

"I invited Paige and Tom."

"What?! What do you mean you invited Paige? And Tom? I don't even talk to him anymore, mom!"

"Yes, but he liked you when you were teenagers, what if something happens."

"No, mom, damn it, I don't want anything to happen to me and Tom."

"And why not?"

"How did you manage to talk to Paige?"

"I had her number since that day when your battery was dead, remember?"

Damn

"Mom, please tell me that's a lie." The older woman opens her mouth to answer when the doorbell echoes through the house.

"I'll open it." Her father says, getting up from the table and going to the door with his wife following behind, excited to welcome the guests.

"I'm ruined."

Y/n says, sitting at the table with her hands on her face and her head down.

"Are you ruined? I'm going to have to pretend to like that bastard." Luke says, rolling his eyes.

She looks up as soon as she hears Tom's voice.

"Can you believe Paige and I got here together? It's been a long time since I've seen her." He says, laughing, entering the kitchen and greeting Luke.

Paige looks at her girlfriend with a hopeful look, but her face falls a little when she sees her trying to avoid eye contact.

"Long time no see, kitten." Tom says, kissing Y/n's cheek and sitting next to her.

Paige frowns at this and reluctantly sits down in the chair next to Luke, facing Y/n.

"Hi Paige." Luke says with a mischievous smile and she smiles back suspiciously.

"It's great to have you here, Tom, I know how busy you've been at that new job of yours." The older woman says with bright eyes as she looks at the boy, and Paige feels like throwing up.

"Yes, I was going to bring you flowers Y/n, but I didn't have time-"

"She's allergic." Paige says without another word to the boy.

"Excuse me?"

"Y/n is allergic to flowers." She finally says looking at the boy who raises his eyebrows.

"Really? Well, maybe some artificial ones then-"

"She doesn't like the fake ones." Luke answers this time making the other boy's cheeks red.

"So..."

"It's okay Tom, I didn't need anything." Y/n answers giving a slight look to Paige, who looks upset.

"I always hoped you two would get together, you know?" Her mother says smiling.

"Mom stop." Luke tries

"It's true Son, they're so cute together." Paige clutches the glass in her hand staring at the plate.

"Stop, honey, don't make them embarrassed."

And when she thinks it can't get any worse...

"So Paige, are you still... In that basketball thing or...?" Tom says almost mocking the blue-eyed woman.

"Yeah, I'm still in that basketball thing."

"That's cool, but are you in college or something real, right?"

What the hell is this?

"What do you mean 'Something real'? Paige is trying really hard and achieving her things on her own, Not everyone starts straight at the top by being a daddy's boy." Y/n says this making a silence settle over the table.

"Y/n!" Her mother says slamming her hands on the table.

"Trying hard? Come on Y/n!"

"Look, I'm going now." Paige says getting up from the table making Y/n look at her with wide eyes.

"Paige."

"Thanks for the invitation, sorry about anything." She gives a weak smile and leaves the kitchen.

"I'll... Walk her to the door." Y/n gets up quickly and goes after her girlfriend.

She catches up with Paige outside the house, the snow is no longer falling, but the street is completely silent and empty.

"Paige, please wait!" She turns around abruptly with tears in her eyes.

"Look, I don't want to be... Fuck!" Paige says, running her hand through her hair.

"It's okay, please tell me how you feel." This seems to encourage Paige, who looks at her girlfriend with tears falling.

"I don't want to be the bitchy girlfriend who pulls you out of the closet, but I... I need to know if you'll ever come out to them... that you are with me." She says the last part quietly and the other girl takes a few steps closer.

"I will, I promise I will, I just... I need some time." Paige looks into her girlfriend's eyes.

"When I saw... you and him in there, I saw your family so proud, just with the possibility of him being around, as if... only that would be good for you, I felt like a mistake, the wrong thing you're afraid of." Paige says, pointing to the house and crying more.

"No, honey, don't say that, you're the love of my life, my soulmate, don't talk like that."

Y/n approaches her girlfriend and holds her face, pressing their foreheads together.

"I'm sorry, I swear I don't want to upset you, I just-" Paige is interrupted by Y/n's lips on hers.

It was a slow and affectionate kiss, she hoped to be able to show all the love she felt for Paige through this kiss.

The two separate their lips, a little breathless, and Paige moans, pulling her girlfriend by the coat for another kiss, this time deeper, with tongue and some whimpering from both of them, it was a kiss full of longing and fear.

Y/n separates the two by giving her girlfriend a kiss on the mouth, who smiles fondly.

"Don't ever say that again, we're not a mistake."

"Y/n?" They listen and the girl lets out a "Fuck" with her eyes closed before turning to the voice that called her.

When she looks, she sees her parents at the door watching the scene in disbelief, Tom with his eyes wide open and his mouth open, while her brother looks worried.

"Mom, I-"

"I'm the one who kissed her, I've loved her for a long time and-"

"Stop Paige, it's okay." She says smiling sadly at her girlfriend.

When she turns her gaze back to her family, her parents come back into the house in silence and Luke sighs.

"I think it's better I..." Tom says awkwardly.

"Yeah, I think it's better if you go." Luke says patting the young man on the back.

Paige looks worriedly at her girlfriend who is breathing heavily.

"Baby, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, it's not your fault, it's not our fault." Paige pulls her girlfriend into a tight hug.

"I'm here, I swear I'm here forever." She whispers in her ear.

"I know."

Luke approaches the two with his hands in his coat pocket.

"It'll be okay, sister, if anything, I'm your new dad." He says jokingly, making the two laugh softly as they let go.

"Please never say that again." She says, punching her brother's arm as she walks past him.

"Good luck with that, sister."

"Good luck, my love." Paige quietly watches her girlfriend go back inside the house.

"So, is this the time I scare you?" He says jokingly, making Paige smile awkwardly.

"I guess so."

Y/n enters the house and sees her parents in the living room, silent.

"Mom, I-"

"Since when?"

The girl sighs and closes her eyes.

"We've been together for almost a year." She can't tell from her parents' expressions what they were thinking.

"One year?"

"I was going to tell you... I was scared, mom, I don't want to lose you guys, but I also... I can't lose her." This makes them both look at her.

"I've never loved anyone as much as I love her, and in the beginning it was so hard, and Paige was so patient and... She helped me so much."

"Mom, I don't want Tom, I don't want any boy, I... I don't even like them."

Her mother looked at her intently.

"I love her, I see my future with her and only her, I'm sorry if this makes you two unhappy, but I'm happy, I'm happy now."

"You don't need to apologize." Her father speaks for the first time.

"This is something different, we didn't grow up like this and we're not used to it but... I see how happy you seem now, more confident and lighter too, and that's how we want to see you." Y/n feels her eyes burn when she hears this.

"Dad." She says, already crying.

"It's okay, daughter, it's okay." He says, pulling his daughter into a tight hug.

That was a moment she had imagined and dreamed of so much.

"Your brother knows, doesn't he?" Y/n's mother says softly.

"He found out a few hours before you did." The girl says, laughing softly and letting go of her father.

I'll call them, and I think you two need to talk too." The older man says, giving his daughter a little kiss on the head and leaving the room.

The girl looks at her mother a little nervously, she understands that it would be something difficult to accept, every mother has that dream of seeing her daughter marry a prince charming and stuff like that.

"I think I already suspected." This makes Y/n look at her in surprise.

"Really?"

"I saw how you were always together, I noticed the way she always analyzed and took care of you, I just... I don't think I wanted to accept it." Y/n feels her heart break with that.

"Today... The way you defended her and the details she already knew about you." She laughed softly.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you." The older woman looks at her daughter in surprise.

"Don't say that, daughter, you've always been my greatest pride and you continue to be, you will always be." She says smiling.

"Mom, I love her so much."

"I know, my love."

She closes her eyes in her mother's arms, finally letting out one last breath.

Finally, damn it.

"I want a hug too!" The moment is interrupted by Luke's annoying voice.

They let go and see Luke at the door smiling, Y/n's father next to him and Paige, a little shy, at the door, practically on the street.

Their eyes meet and there is nothing but love and affection.

"Well, family." Y/n says, going to her girlfriend and holding her hand, pulling her inside. "You already know her as my friend, but... This is my girlfriend, Paige."

"I... I didn't want it to be like this but-"

"It's okay Paige, everyone is a little crazy in this family." Luke says patting Paige on the shoulder.

"And another thing, we had a talk, right Paige?" This makes Y/n look at him angrily.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing!" He says raising his hands in surrender.

"Well, I guess we can have our coffee in peace, huh?" Y/n's father smiles at the younger woman.

"Yeah, after all this family drama, we deserve some coffee." Luke says holding his parents by the shoulders and leading them to the kitchen.

He looks over his mother's shoulder and winks at both of them, who smile.

Paige looks at her girlfriend a little shyly, it seemed like the first time.

"Hi"

"Hi" Y/n answers softly.

"Sorry again, I didn't mean to force this on you." Paige says, tucking a strand of her girlfriend's hair behind her ear.

"You didn't do it." She answers, taking her girlfriend's hands and intertwining their fingers.

"Why do I still feel like I did it?" Paige asks, looking deep into her girlfriend's eyes.

She sighs at the athlete's stubbornness and pulls her by her clothes until her mouth is close to her ear.

"Then I guess I'll have to make you forget about this later, huh?" she rolls her eyes and opens her mouth in surprise.

"You didn't do it..."

"Yes, I did."

The two of them press their foreheads together with their eyes closed.

"I love you," they say together and laugh when they realize it.

Finally, fuck.

[ssahotchnerr]

I hope you meant it to be dropped here 🥺

So, about jealous Y/n: I had been thinking about this after seeing the episode where Beth (that runner-woman?) appears. I thought about the scene, with "y/n" either getting to know he was handed a paper with a number

Or maybe Aaron and "y/n" had been running together and Beth approaches without any care and reader just is like: 🤨 watching the interaction, lol

knowing you

🤭 cw; JEALOUS fem bau!reader, teasing banter (hehe r and aaron are sooo in love), suggestion/sex allusions (i'm blushing), based off of aaron and beth's first interaction in 7x10 wc; 1.3k

"Okay, okay." You panted, coming to a stop. You directed your voice forward, loud enough for Aaron to hear you, a few feet ahead. You resumed walking, slowly, hands on your hips. "Let's take a breather, yeah?"

"What's wrong?" Aaron asked as he met you halfway, a teasing smirk growing on his face. "Can't keep up?"

"I can keep up jus' fine." You insisted, still catching your breath. The afternoon breeze blew into your face, cooling the sheer layer of sweat that had collected. "Just... not for a prolonged amount of time. There's a," Another staggered breath, "difference."

"Is there?" He asked humorously. His chest rose up and down, regulating his own breathing as well. "I can easily go another mile or two.

"Fantastic. I'm so happy for you." You quipped sarcastically, causing him to laugh and a smile of your own pulling at your lips. "And that's why you're the one participating in the triathlon. Not me."

"You know..." He began proposing in a light tone of voice, eyebrows raised wittingly. "There's still time for you to sign up."

"You know, you're funny." You bantered back, a pained expression pulling onto your face at the mere thought. You shook your head, "I think my time is better spent cheering you on from the sidelines, along with the others. And then reviving you afterwards."

"Oh yeah?" He chuckled, a fondness in his eyes. All banter aside, he switched tactics, softening to a sweet sincereness. "I appreciate you accompanying me. Seriously. You know you don't have to run with me, although you do inspire me to persistent. Gotta impress you, keep you interested."

"Please, as if there's anything you could do to cause me to become uninterested." You poked a finger at his chest. "And if running means I get to spend an extra hour with you, I'll gladly accept. Besides, there's something in it for me too. Makes it all worth it."

"And what's that?"

You looked around, spotting a park vendor supplying drinks, playfully brushing his question aside. "Want a water?"

The warm glint in his eyes lingered, admirably amused. One that read: you were the most difficult person he'd ever met, but he wouldn't have it any other way. "Sure, sweetheart."

"I'll grab it," you began walking, "You stay here. Catch your breath."

Aaron grabbed your hand the moment you had stepped a foot away, smoothly drawing you back with just an equally suave grin. Once in reach, he placed his lips onto yours, interrupting your growing smile.

Your nose scrunched when the two of you parted, "You're all sweaty."

"That's never been a problem before." His smirk returned, the wet cowlicks draped over his forehead bringing a multitude of images to come to mind.

This is why you ran with him. You'd never deprive yourself the hot visual, one you'd never get tired of. The overexertion, the sweat, the defined athletic wear clinging onto his body, the heavy breathing too.

You playfully rolled your eyes, granting him another kiss before you trailed off. You steadied your breathing again, in attempt to slow your heart rate a second time.

Retrieving the waters couldn't have taken you more than five minutes: waiting in a small line, supplying cash, issuing a thank you. But when you turned back towards Aaron, your feet already moving to their own accord, you stopped short - suddenly. As he wasn't alone.

He was talking to some woman - brunette, in workout clothes of her own. Her backside was facing you, so you couldn't see any specific features; to determine who she was, a familiar face or not.

You tried to ignore the uncomfortable sensation of jealousy filling your body, drawing the conclusion that she wasn't an old friend rather quickly. It started from the bottom of your stomach, crawling up your spine, spreading widely to your limbs.

Could it be harmless? Sure, that's what you were telling yourself, until the woman in question handed him a small piece of paper. She began to retreat - finally - causing a breath of relief to escape you, until Aaron calls after her.

When she turns, you're able to see her face. She’s cute, all smiles and outwardly confident. She responds to whatever he said, follows it with a laugh, before continuing her jog. 

You bit your lip, returning to Aaron with a bit more urgency, your ponytail gliding swiftly between your shoulder blades.

"Here," You handed Aaron his water, your gaze moving past him and continuing to watch her leave. As if she can feel your stare, she looks back. Your eyes may have been playing tricks on you, but you could've sworn she gave you a cunning smirk.

Your jaw clenched, nothing but that red-hot jealousy overtaking you. It blocks out all of your surroundings - Aaron's going on about something, but you don't hear him. He's muted, fuzzy, far away. You don't realize he's talking to you until he says your name, with a tad more volume.

You startle, blinking, "Sorry, what?"

"I said, do you want to go again? Or we can take a slow, evenly-paced walk back." His lips turned upwards humorously, taking a drink. "More your speed."

He's attempting to resume the ongoing, fun banter to draw your focus elsewhere, knowing you.

"Who was that?"

"Oh, nobody." He shrugged, securing the cap. "She just, er, handed me this." He explained carefully, holding up a small piece of paper.

He did it quickly; again, making it as nonchalant as possible. But even at the heightened speed you're able to see her number scrawled across the surface.

You immediately impede forward-

"Sweetheart," Just as he expected - he grabs your arm, holding you back from any impending confrontation you were set on.

"She gave you her number?" You looked at him, perplexed. The audacity. "Did you see the way she looked at me? She probably saw us kiss and yet-"

"I know, I know." He comforted, his voice a deep contrast compared to yours, hardening the more you spoke. He can practically feel you vibrating in fury. "Hey, it's okay. I'm discarding it, of course." He crumbled it in his fist, "Have zero need for it."

"But that doesn't excuse what she just did." You try to look past him again, but he uses his body to shield your view. "And I don't like it. Not at all."

"You're right, it doesn't, but it's okay." Aaron presses a kiss to your forehead, muttering his next sentence into your skin. "I'm yours. Nothing changes that."

"Damn right you are," you huffed, crossing your arms. Despite the distance (she's almost long gone by now), you're at the ready to grab Aaron, to kiss him fiercely if she ever so lightly takes a peek back.

"Forget about it, and I don't mean that in a dismissive way. Look at me when I say this," He tossed the paper in the nearby trash, grabbing ahold of your shoulders instead. "I'm uninterested. Unfazed. Utterly in love with you and greatly anticipating showing you how much once we're in the privacy of home. Preferably in the shower, and then again in bed afterwards."

He manages to pry a smile out of you, a blush forming at your cheeks, although it doesn't dissolve your pout just yet. "But..."

"But what?" He asked gently as he releases his hold, swiping his thumb across your cheek soothingly.

"What if she can run faster than me." You mumbled pitifully. You said so half jokingly, half seriously.

Aaron laughed warmly, spanning an arm over your shoulders and pulling you directly to his chest. "I highly doubt that."

"You promise?"

"With every ounce of me."

[darknight3904]

All Yours, Coryo

𝕊𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪:ɪɴ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴏʀɪᴏʟᴀɴᴜꜱ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʜᴏᴏᴅꜱ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ᴀꜱ ʜᴇ ʙʀɪɴɢꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴀ ᴡʜᴏʟᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ꜰɪʟʟᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ʙʟᴏᴏᴅᴛʜɪʀꜱᴛʏ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴛᴜʀɴ.

ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ.

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: ʀᴇꜰᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇx. ᴄᴏʀɪᴏʟᴀɴᴜꜱ ɪꜱ ᴘᴏꜱꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴠᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪꜱ ɴᴀɪᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʜᴏ ʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ɪꜱ. ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪꜱ ʙʟɪɴᴅᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴄᴏʀʏᴏ'ꜱ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ ꜰᴀᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴀɴɪᴘᴜʟᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ ꜱᴏ ꜱʜᴇ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴀʟʟ ʜɪꜱ ʀᴇᴅ ꜰʟᴀɢꜱ. ꜱᴏ ᴀᴍ ɪ.

ɪ ᴀᴄᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴛʟʏ ʜɪᴛ ᴘᴏꜱᴛ ᴏɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʏᴇꜱᴛᴇʀᴅᴀʏ ɪɴꜱᴛᴇᴀᴅ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴀᴠᴇ ꜱᴏ ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴀᴡ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴇᴀʀʟɪᴇʀ, ɴᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ.

ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋ ᴍʏ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴍᴏʀᴇ.

Coriolanus has never been the easiest person to understand. His mind was always racing and it kept you on your toes. Even now as he fretted over his appearance in the mirror you could tell his mind was thinking of a million things beyond whether or not his tie fit him correctly.

"For what it's worth, I think you look perfect." You say, sipping at your drink, you had been ready for nearly twenty minutes while Coriolanus was still figuring out what tie matched his pants best.

"I'm sure you do but this isn't just any party, I'm campaigning tonight and everything must be perfect." He says adjusting his hair even though it already sat perfectly styled atop his head.

It was Coriolanus' 23rd birthday and instead of celebrating like you usually did, you were both spending it at a party full of people who might help him reach the presidency by the beginning of next year. You approach him and wrap your arms around him, resting your chin on his shoulder.

"It will be." You assure, pressing a kiss to his exposed neck where his makeup artist did a wonderful job at covering the marks you had left behind last night.

"If all goes well tonight, you might just become the first lady of Panem one day." He smiles at you through the mirror

"Does that mean we're getting married?" You laugh, trying to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat at the idea of being with him forever

"Maybe..." Coriolanus says suddenly avoiding your eyes as his face reddens under your gaze.

You giggle at your boyfriend's flustered face, despite how grown up he had become in the past few years he was still the same boy you met at the academy all those years ago who just wanted his own bowl of fruit to gobble down.

"You definitely wanna marry me, Coryo!" You say almost as if you had discovered a secret of his.

"Well if you're not interested I can always find another." He jests, finally tying his tie.

"Oh please, I'm the only one who could ever tolerate you." You smile as he spins around to face you and rests his hands on your hips

"That you are, darling, that you are." He smiles and presses a chaste kiss to your lips

Coriolanus is sure you are his favorite person in the entire world. From the way you'd laugh at his jokes to the way your nose whistled when you slept, he loved it all. Even now as the two of you had long abandoned your teenage years and stepped into adulthood, he knew he didn't want to lose you. His interactions with Lucy Gray and his time in District 12 had only solidified how he wanted you to stay close to him. He watches as you cross the room to slip into a pair of pretty high heels, he loved the way your dress sat on your body, it was perfectly fitted and he wondered what designer had been able to craft it so perfectly.

He looked back at the mirror and pretended to fiddle with his outfit again even though he knew he looked perfect. Instead, his eyes cast to the small table next to the mirror where a collection of photos sat you and him over the past five years. His favorite though was the one that was taken at your 17th birthday party. He remembered how warm it had been, and at one point someone had filled a bucket of water and tossed at you. He had expected you to cry out and push everyone out of your home but instead, he was met with your laughter and thus a water fight had begun. The picture of the two of you had been taken not even twenty minutes later, both of you were drenched but happy and you had linked your arms together right before the picture was taken. Sometimes he wished to go back to those moments, to relieve the last bits of his boyhood even though it meant going back to that decrepit building he once lived in and the taste of cabbage a constant on his tongue.

"Thinking about the past?" You ask from across the room.

"Thinking about how ugly we look here." He says picking up the photo

"Nonsense, we're adorable in that. If I remember correctly that was taken a few weeks before you tripped me in my room trying to slow dance and then you gave me the kiss of a lifetime." You smile

"I didn't trip you, you tripped me with your bad dancing." He laughed, returning the photo to its proper place among the others.

"Whatever you say, Coryo." You smiled, he could tell you didn't believe one word that came from his mouth about the tripping incident.

These parties were always a bit tedious for you. You enjoyed seeing Coriolanus happy among Capitol elites and you loved the lavish dresses you got to wear but sometimes it became overwhelming. The sheer amount of reporters that were always at these things is what drove you crazy. Coriolanus ate the attention up and answered all their questions about how he'd change Panem for the better but you were usually left answering questions about what your dress was made of or what your relationship was with Coriolanus. He often assured you that once he won the presidency he'd have more control over what was asked and that you'd never have to answer another dress question again. You hoped he won as soon as possible, it was tiring pretending this line of questioning was interesting.

"Is that real gold on your sleeves?"

"Is that ring on your finger an engagement ring?"

"Who did your hair for the evening?"

"Are you going to have the future president's children?"

"Did you seduce Coriolanus Snow for power in the Capitol?"

"How many toes do you have?"

God you wished they'd all shut up, or at least get better questions. Even just something as small as your involvement with your father's company would've been better than this. You ignored whatever trash was coming from their mouths and held on to Coriolanus' arm like he was going to disappear and end up back in District 12 again.

You remembered that day very well, after Coriolanus' tribute had won he had just disappeared despite promising to walk you home after the games had ended. When he didn't show up for graduation either, you found yourself outside Tigris and Grandma'am's new residence looking for answers. Tigris had told you what happened with him and that girl, Lucy Gray, how he cheated with rat poison and a handkerchief of his father's. At first, you had been distraught that he was sent off to District 12, stuck there for twenty years as some peacekeeping grunt, you'd be an ugly middle-aged woman by the time he got back! You had been in the pits of despair about your relationship with him but all it took was one terrifying meeting with Dr. Gaul to change your attitude. Once she revealed that Coriolanus would be back in the Capitol soon, and she was simply testing his dedication to the games, you relaxed. While Dr. Gaul might not have all her marbles you knew she wasn't lying, and sure enough, your Coriolanus returned to you in a matter of weeks.

However, he returned to you differently though. Sure, his head was shaved like all Peacekeepers and the curls you loved to play with were gone, but his attitude had also changed. Perhaps it was that Songbird he never wanted to speak of even now. You could never quite place what happened between Coriolanus and her, all that mattered to you was that he had assured you it wasn't romantic. Just shared ambitions to both win something. In her case her life and in his the Plinth Prize, not that that went well for her since she had disappeared shortly after she went home. You weren't quite sure what to make of Lucy Gray, the mysterious Songbird who had enchanted all of Panem just five years ago. You had only spoken to her once and it was just to compliment her singing during her interview. She hadn't exactly impressed you with her in that moment but she must have impressed Coriolanus at some point if he was willing to break rules for her.

Or perhaps his change was due to whatever training Peacekeepers went through and the death of Sejanus that had rocked the entire Capitol when he was revealed as a traitor, you knew Coriolanus had been close to him. Of course, despite all his changes and attitude adjustments, he never applied them to you. So, here you stayed by his side, happy that he still loved you the same. Soft touches and sweet words remained constant as the two of you aged and explored the advantages of adulthood. One of your favorite things about being 23 was moving out of your family's home and into the penthouse Coriolanus had chosen for the two of you. Waking up next to Coriolanus each day and seeing how he looked before his eyes fluttered open had to be your favorite part of the days you spent together. Brushing his hair from his eyes and counting the freckles that just barely brushed his pale skin was something you did daily until his pretty blue eyes met yours again. Once he did wake though, it was hard to get him to stay in bed with you. His peaceful state was always replaced with a man who was always working towards something, ambition was always fueling him.

You didn't mind his rough exterior that emerged each morning though, Coriolanus was cold and hard on everyone but you. Perhaps it was your shared childhood memories and teenage romance that prevented him from treating you coldly like he did poor Tigris but you weren't sure. One thing you did know was that the boy you grew up with was gone and a man stood in his place, brooding and cold to everyone but you.

"I'm going to get us a drink and then if you want we can dance." He whispered in your ear

"Can you get me that fizzy lemon drink they usually serve?" You ask

"Of course, I'll bring you some of those hors d'oeuvres you like with the cheese as well."

And then, he was gone from your side moving expertly through the crowd. That dazzling blonde hair accompanied by the broadest shoulders you've ever seen on a man disappeared among the throngs of people craning their necks to get a better look at the future president and his pretty face.

"A true marvel isn't he?" a voice to your right said

You turned to be met by none other than Lucky Flickerman, a drink in one hand and a young child's hand grasped in the other.

"I'm not interested in doing an interview, Lucky. If you want information on Coryo you can ask him yourself." You say, ready to walk away from the Capitol's favorite news anchor turned Hunger Games host.

"Coryo...what an interesting nickname, a bit childish for a man who might watch over us all soon. No matter, I would however absolutely love to report on you one day and maybe even that big business you're the heiress of, but I'm actually talking to you for this little one tonight." Lucky smiles motioning to the boy who you guessed was his son. "He was admiring that stunning dress of yours and I thought he might want to see it up close and personal."

For once you didn't mind being asked about your clothes as you crouched down to the little boy's height, he couldn't be more than 5 or 6.

"You have a good eye, would you like to feel the fabric? The designer I met with made it wonderfully soft." You smile, thinking of how Tigris had gushed over the blood-red fabric that would perfectly match Coriolanus' suit with you just weeks ago.

The boy reaches his hand out and brushes it along expensive fabric and a smile grows on his face.

"What's your name?" You ask

"Caesar." He says "I just turned 6 last week."

"Well, Caesar, six is a marvelous age to be, you can do all sorts of things at six. In fact, when I turned six I learned to ride a bicycle for the first time, I did however scrape my knees half a million times. I even still have a few scars on my knees would you like to see them?." You smile at him and he nods.

"Lucky Flickerman, I thought I told your producers that you weren't allowed to bother her with your idiotic questions the way the other reporters do. You clearly don't value your job, if you did you would have listened to my words." Coriolanus' voice suddenly fills your ears as you quickly right yourself, remembering how he once told you you'd have to start holding yourself with more decorum at these events. 'No more acting like a stupid teenager' had been his exact words one night when you were eating dinner together in your shared room.

"It's fine, his son wanted to say hello." You smile down at Caesar, take your lemon drink, and pop some of the food Coriolanus brought with him into your mouth. You sincerely hoped that you weren't about to witness Lucky being fired by the newest mastermind behind The Hunger Games and future the president.

From the corner of your eye, you see Coriolanus cast an intimidating look down at the boy and you resist the urge to elbow him in the ribs and force him to apologize to the poor child who was now cowering behind his father's stylish pant leg.

"I'll see you later, Lucky. We are going to go dancing now." Coriolanus says setting your barely sipped drink and food on a tray of a passing server before whisking you away.

"You're bad with children, Coryo." You say as he leads you towards the dance floor.

"And you're bad at reading people, darling." He says, ignoring the way you pouted at your loss of lemon drink and cheese-sprinkled food.

"What do you mean?" You ask, confused

"Lucky just wanted to get you to answer questions about me," Coriolanus says as he leads you in a dance, the both of you had gotten exceptionally better since your failure at 17 in your childhood bedroom.

"Oh." You say, a bit sad that he wasn't genuinely interested in you, just another dumb reporter who wanted news on Coriolanus' next move. It was amazing how Coriolanus always knew what others were thinking and how to approach a situation best.

"It's alright, just ignore him next time," Coriolanus says, gently squeezing your waist as a form of reassurance.

You nod and rest your head on his shoulder as you spin around the dance floor, suddenly wishing you were tangled up in bed with him rather than dancing in heels that were pinching your toes.

"Can I confess something to you?" Coriolanus whispers, his lips tickling your ear.

"Of course, always " You reply honestly

"I hate seeing you interacting with them." He says in a low voice.

"Them?" You ask

"These people. Seeing them ask you questions about your dress or hair, makes me want to toss them into the arena and watch one of Gaul's mutts rip them apart. I hate the way they look at you like you're a piece of meat attached to my side." He says, possessiveness lacing his tone.

"Oh...well I'm sure they don't all think that way." You try to reason, hoping that he wasn't right about this read on others.

"I doubt it. Look at that one by the fountain in the blue jacket." He says nodding to his right.

You glance over to the fountain and see an old man with a fluffy white beard and white hair to match. He seemed to be carefully watching you and Coriolanus spinning on the dancefloor but you weren't quite sure.

"I'm positive he's standing there imagining what it'd look like if this pretty dress was on the floor and you were on top of him," Coriolanus whispers, knowing it'll have you blushing in his arms.

"Coryo..." You say, trying to keep your composure as he presses his body to yours while you wonder if he's truly right and the old man across the pretty courtyard is truly ogling you.

"Too bad I'm the only one who will ever know what that looks like." He says a certain arrogance in his voice you can't quite place.

"Stop it." You scold, trying to hide the fact that your face is as red as your dress.

"Why? I can't wait to get back to our bedroom tonight and bring what's in my head to life." Coriolanus laughs, his voice was husky in your ears and making you weak in the knees.

"You're so embarrassing, Coryo." You say into his chest, avoiding that sharp gaze he had. How could someone act so well-composed but also have the dirty mind of a perverted teenage boy?

Coriolanus stops leading your dance and hooks a finger under your chin so you're looking up at him again. Sharp blue eyes that felt like they were staring into your soul looked at you, full of passion and want.

"My heart burns for you, darling, as it always has. You're mine, my perfect girl, all mine." He promises before swooping in to deliver what might qualify as the most monumental kiss in all of history.

A certain warmness spreads across your body as he kisses you in public for the first time. It's moments like this with your Coriolanus make your heart swell, these moments remind you that the little boy with the golden curls you met when you were just twelve lives on, just in a different way. You know the teenager you once ate cabbage soup and bread with sweet jam watches over you as you kiss his 23-year-old self, you know he's smiling at where the two of you are now. You're sure that the same boy who once spun you around your childhood bedroom to your favorite slow song is still here with you now, even if he rarely shows his face. Coriolanus Snow is always watching over you, every version of him envelopes you tonight as he shows the world who you are to him.

Your head spins and your lungs burn as you hear a few whoops and cheers from onlookers while others whisper about how Coriolanus' hands are wandering all over your body. You're sure the way he's kissing you is going to end up on some Capitol news reel tomorrow morning but you can't find the heart to care. Somewhere in his chest, you feel Coriolanus let out a deep groan when you run your hands through his hair ruining the way it was perfectly styled for the evening. You gasp when his teeth nip at your bottom lip and pull away, a gasp for air leaving your now surely swollen lips.

"All yours, Coryo." You assure him and lean in for another kiss.

You smile as he kisses back and couldn't care less about what the world around you thinks, you had your Coryo, the boy who you grew up with and ate cabbage together in his decrepit home, the same boy who danced with you despite his own lack of skill. You were with your Coriolanus, the man who was going to carry Panem into a new age of glory.

Part Three

Series Masterlist

Read the Teaser here

So I uh sorta ended up abandoning fluffy Coryo thoughts from part one and went with the reader's pov of him at 23, I hope that's okay with all of you. He still loves you though don't worry, it's just in his own Coryo way. His own magically manipulative Coryo way. I was initially going to make this part during the 10th Hunger Games but then I thought, wouldn't it be interesting to see how he interacts with reader post Lucy Gray considering how much she changes his ideals. To make things clear, every moment with Lucy Gray and Coryo has occurred and the reader is unaware of pretty much all of it here, obviously since she's so goo goo gah gah over him.

If you'd like more of my writings about Coryo and you, my fic Blank Space might be the read for you, it also has a part two that is available now You can read them both here. (Yes it's based on the Taylor Swift song)

Taglist:

@bl0ndelilac

@lucygreene

@lwqfhp

@belle643

@fantasylovestoryme

@alana4610

@threeinchminimum

@dangelnleif

@hannaeditzs

@1950schick

@ennycutie

@janelongxox

@ajs-222

@or-was-it-just-a-dream

@notlilyyyy

@nicksolemnlyswears

@diannana

@ashrsworld

@lokidala

@clintsupremacy

@brilliantreid

@badassbitch-21

@steppingonshatteredglass

@405rry @folklorde24

@eir964

@charlesswife

@fangirling-galore

[dixonrising]

We're Together

pairing: Daryl Dixon x reader

summary: After someone else try's to get with you Daryl makes it known your his.

"Im goin' on a run with Glenn" Daryl said as he entered your cell, "Be back before dark."

You nodded turning to him," Be safe," you smiled at the man before you. You stepped closer placing a kiss to his cheek before he turned to leave.

You and Daryl never defined what you were but, there is a mutual understanding that you were more than friends.

-

"Hey, Ronnie!" You said as you took the seat next to him.

"I’m glad you're on watch," He smiled. Your face looked questioning as you spoke again, "Why is that?"

"I have been meaning to ask you something," He spoke nervously as he turned to face you even more.

"I noticed it's just you in your cell, I was wondering if maybe, you wanted to maybe," he paused taking your hand in his," maybe, try us? like together?" He questioned.

You nearly laughed," Ronnie, that's sweet but, I’m not interested," You spoke softly, moving your hand from his, "Daryl, is well," You paused unsure of how to continue, "I'm not sure what Daryl would call us." You laughed.

"Dixon?" He questioned,” Doesn’t seem like the type to settle down.”  

“Like I said I am not sure what we are?” You said, genuinely feeling as though you and Daryl might never become anything.

“Well you know where to find me, if that cell of yours is still empty’” He said laughing.

“You got it, Ronnie.” You smiled knowing that would never be happening any time soon.

Little did you know though Daryl had heard that whole interaction between the pair of you.

-

"How, was your shift?" Maggie asked as you entered the prison.

"Terrible," You nearly laughed," Ronnie, asked me out.” She joined in the laughter barely believing what you had said.

"Well, we're on duty together tomorrow," She smiled.

You were more than happy with that. "Alright, Mags, I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow, I'm beat." You smiled at the girl before heading to your cell.

You were confused to see bags, outside of the door and a mattress being pulled into the cell. You headed to the door hearing a rather loud groan.

"Daryl?" You questioned stepping into the cell," What are you doing?"

"Nothin'" He said, lifting his mattress onto the top bunk. He moved past you bringing his bags into the room.

"So this is a thing now?" You questioned sitting on the bed.

"You don't want me in here?" He asked sitting next to you.

"I am more than fine with you being in here." You smiled, "But, why the sudden want?"

"I over heard that douche, Ronnie, hittin' on ya," He said looking down twiddling with his fingers.

You smiled, "Jealous?" You questioned.

"No." Daryl responded now looking at you.

"You crazy, you know that right?" You asked.

He smiled shaking his head.

"Just don't bring anything you catch in here," You smiled laying back on the bed," And I guess you can stay."

He laughed laying back next to you, "If you don't want me in 'ere, I can go," He laughed as you snuggled into his side. His arm moving behind your head.

“oh no, your staying,” You laughed into his chest.

-

Thank you all so much for reading!! Request are open! Please share and comment I love to hear your thoughts!!

[nana-gumi]

devoted f.toji

pairings: fushiguro toji x fem! reader

cw: heavy angst, arranged marriage, illness, inaccurate descriptions of heart disease (just did some research lol), megumi is 5 years old, mentions of abuse, some kissing, mentions of pregnancy, drinking, toji is giving mixed signals, suggestive themes, lots of cursing, happy ending. wc: 18k

a/n: this was a filo au that i posted on tiktok, but due to problems posting on tiktok, the story wasn't finished and now here it is with an ending!! sorry for the long wait my tiktok readers 🥹 i'm sorry if the ending did not meet your expectations :') will post the angst ending soon

despite the years his past wife died, he still couldn't move on. it's up for the fate to decide if you could change him.

happy ending | alternate angst ending

being an outcast in your family is the worst. you were forced to marry someone who's like you.

toji fushiguro, an outcast in his family and both of you were forced to marry each other. you've heard rumors about him. mostly bad ones. his father's company is famous after all.

toji have a son from his deceased wife. the time you met his son, megumi, you thought the kid will hate you but it was the opposite. he welcomed you, even told you that he was happy he finally has a mother.

you and toji never really interacted with each other that much, only if needed, like family gatherings or when megumi is around. who would want to show a kid that you're not interested with each other, right? but when it's just the two of you, both were completely a stranger to each other. there were times were you wanted to start a conversation because sleeping in one bed was awkward especially when there's no conversation at all.

you did start a conversation at some point but toji's presence was intimidating enough to shut you up. as time passes by, you're getting used to his presence. he seemed to be scowling at all times but you noticed that, that's just how he is. you continued to interact with him until you and him finally got comfortable with each other, where good morning and good nights were exchanged. but then you've grown attached to the man, especially his son.

when you asked toji why his last name is fushiguro, he told you that it was his deceased wife's last name. toji still refused to bring back his last name which is supposed to be zenin. he told you that his family once forced him to use zenin again but toji simply ignored them. even though toji was an outcast, none of his family couldn't argue with him so he kept the last name fushiguro while you stick with your own last name.

being an outcast, you didn't feel any love from your family and the simple things toji showed you made you feel loved. that night he let you borrow his jacket when it started to snow unexpectedly, those times where he makes extra coffee for you, he would even let you hug him if you have nightmares and most of all, he defends you from your family.

that's what you loved, no– love about him. but you wonder, does toji feel the same? and the answer was already obvious. toji only accepted the marriage because he doesn't have a choice. they will remove him from the business his family owns and he doesn't want that because he needs money for his son, megumi. he promised his deceased wife that he'll take care of megumi after all.

and you adore toji for that. sometimes you think, will toji cherish you the same way he does with his deceased wife? even if his wife died many years ago, he still have the love he has for her, as if she's still around to feel it.

-

you were currently laying on the couch as you hug yourself for warmth. it wasn't an argument with toji, but you just want to be left alone for now. the words "i love you" accidentally slipped out of your mouth, and you didn't mind if toji doesn't reply and you just hoped he didn't reply to it at all.

"i love you, toji." you whispered, enough for him to hear and his eyes looked guilty as he looked away from you.

"you shouldn't." toji replied. "you'll just hurt yourself."

"i know."

"you know we're married only in papers, we already decided to be just friends." you already know that, but you couldn't just hold back anymore, and of course he would say that. toji thinks no one could replace the love his deceased wife showed and gave him. she was there at his lowest point, she comforted him, told him the words he doesn't know he deserves to hear and toji just couldn't open his heart to love someone, at least not anymore. his wife was enough, megumi addressing you as his mother is enough, even a part of toji doesn't want it.

you glanced at the ring he's caressing on his finger. it should be the ring you placed on his finger on the wedding day but instead, it was the promise ring his wife had gave him. your heart couldn't ache anymore. you're so used at the empty feeling that it doesn't hurt you anymore.

"i'm sorry.." you mumbled as you excused yourself, deciding to just sleep on the couch. there you've grown to realize that being attached with toji fushiguro was the biggest mistake you'll ever done but you'll never regret.

-

you woke up with a shuffling beside you. you opened your eyes and saw megumi with his small blanket on his hand as he frowned at you.

"mama, it's cold." megumi said as he hurriedly draped his blanket above you.

"it's fine, megumi." you smiled at him as megumi tucked his small body on your arms.

"mama, did papa make you cry?" megumi asked and you pinched his nose as you disagree with his question.

"no megumi, mama fell asleep here while watching." you said.

"okay, i love you mama." megumi said and it has been minutes since he said those words and you were still silent that it made megumi look up at you.

"mama, i love you." he repeated with a hushed tone.

"i―" it was as if you choked on something as you embraced the child. "i love my baby too." you muttered.

after that conversation with toji, everything feels weird as if it's reminding you of your place, that you were forced to marry toji to strengthen your family's bond with the zenin's.

"papa loves you too." megumi mumbled and you just hoped it was true.

toji's mother suddenly visited that day without a notice and toji wasn't around. his family doesn't really hate you but there's always a weird atmosphere around when you're close with them. just when his mother asked where toji was, he suddenly came back from work.

you knew he went here in rush, and the way he wrapped his arms around you as his lips came in contact with your forehead made your heart flutter. but you reminded yourself that it was only for a show. his mother smiled at the scene as toji sat beside you on the dining table.

"what brings you here, ma." toji asked in an annoyed tone.

"i just wanted to visit my grandson." you excused yourself a bit as you made your way towards the kitchen to make them something to eat and drink, and when you came back, the question you and toji were avoiding got asked by his mother.

"when do you plan on having another child?" she asked.

"no plans yet, we're to busy to have another child running around. megumi is enough."

"it's been a year since you're both married. why not give it a try?"

"ma―" you cut toji off before he could say something harsh to his mother.

"we did try it, ma, but it didn't really work so we decided to just wait for the right time." you answered, lied for toji and his mother seemed to buy it.

"ok.. but i am getting old, toji. we need to see a female granchild too." she said before excusing herself to go to her grandson who was playing. toji huffed at her mother's response as he stood up from the chair.

"i am sorry about that, toji." you said because as much as possible, you wanted to avoid answering that question too. toji sighed as he left the kitchen to get changed and when he went back to the living room, his mother was about to leave.

finally. he thought.

"just give it a try." toji's mother told you as she went inside her car.

"why'd she go here without informing me." toji muttered as megumi sat between you and him on the couch, showing the chocolate his grandmother gave him.

"i was surprised too."

"that's fine, thank you for covering up for me." he said as he stood up from the couch and took the chocolate on megumi's hand while carrying him. megumi whined in surprise as his father carried him like a sack of rice as you slowly followed behind.

"papa!" he exclaimed, kicking and punching but it was no use.

"come on, we don't want mama to get mad for eating to much sweets at night." toji said. he wasn't talking about you, you know that.

he placed megumi down beside the refrigerator as he placed the chocolate inside.

"too much sweet is not good for you." toji said as he carried megumi once again.

-

you just finished washing the dishes as you walked past megumi's room, and their muffled voices made you eavesdrop at their conversation, and you maybe you just didn't.

"megumi, why are you being so stubborn? you don't want mama to get mad right?"

"mama doesn't get mad at me!" megumi yelled as you smile a bit at his words.

"megumi, did you already forget your real mama, hm? she'll be sad in heaven. you want that?" toji said and his words was like a needle that was continuously poking at your chest.

"huh? but mama is here." megumi said, pointing at the door.

"look, (name) is just a replacement for your mama, but your real mama? she loves you, her love for you couldn't be replaced by someone."

"even (name)?" megumi said, and the way he addressed you by your name, you admit hurts. you took a deep breath as you felt a sharp pain in your chest. but that's fine, you're already used to it.

"yes, now go and sleep okay?"

"okay."

-

megumi started acting awkwardly towards you the next day, he was trying his best to avoid your gaze, maybe even you. he would stutter through his words between calling your name or 'mama'.

"bye bye, (name).." megumi looks away at you as he held toji's hand.

"bye bye." you replied as you forced a smile and megumi looked back once at the front door as they finally left the house.

-

"papa, i don't want to see mama sad." megumi said as toji placed his seatbelt. megumi might be a kid but he can clearly understood human emotions. when he called you by your name earlier, he saw how your smile disappeared but then you covered it up by a forced smile, and you just let him call you by your name.

"she's not sad-"

"yes she is."

"you don't understand, megumi." toji said and megumi only kept quiet because he knew arguing with his father is useless.

-

megumi jolted awake. he fell asleep after being in school the whole day as he searched for your presence. he had a dream, a really bad one and he found you in your and his father's room, talking to someone in your phone. megumi heard a sob coming out of you. you said something that megumi couldn't quite hear as you finally ended the call. he watched as you wiped your tears with your palms and took a deep breath. megumi silently close the door as he went back to the living room, sitting patiently as you appeared on his view.

"oh, megumi. how was your sleep?" you asked as you kneeled infront of the boy. megumi observed your eyes, they were a bit red.

"it's fine, mama." you were taken aback. he's calling you mama again. you smiled as you cupped his chubby cheeks.

"are you hungry?" you asked and he nods as you guided him on his feet. he didn't let go of your hand.

"mama, i love you. you're my one and only mama." you felt megumi's small hands squeeze your big ones, as if he's reassuring you of something.

"i love you too, my one and only baby. now let's go and prepare dinner!" megumi noticed that your mood shifted, and he was proud of himself that he was the one who brought a smile on your face.

-

it's unusual for you to wake up with toji's arms around you. you knew toji didn't do it on purpose, he was drunk last night and you just want to indulge the moment, even just for a minute or even seconds. you felt toji moved and you immediately stood up from the bed.

why do you feel guilty? it's not like you and toji were cheating on his wife. but that's how you felt. toji was still sleeping as you sighed, placing the blanket above him as you went out of the room.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he closed his ipad off.

"morning, 'gumi. what do you want for breakfast?"

"anything you cook!" he answered as he sat on the kitchen stool, watching you prepare the ingredients you needed.

"pancakes or rice?"

"rice!"

"okay." you laughed at his energetic response.

"mama can we buy art materials later? my teacher said we'll do arts on monday."

"sure, let's go out after we eat."

-

toji heard you and megumi talking as he arrived the living room. and just as he was about to enter the kitchen, your body bumped on his chest.

"oh, i was about to wake you up. breakfast is ready." you said, about to went back to the table but toji held your arm to stop you for a moment. he placed his other hand behind his head as he looks away.

"did i said something weird? last night." he asked as you look at him for a moment before you shake your head left to right. toji sighed in relief as he let go of your arm, both of you sitting on the kitchen stool. you look at toji, and he looks at you, but you couldn't meet his eyes as you smiled at megumi and place the food on his plate.

-

you just finished brushing your teeth as you were disturbed with a loud thud outside the bathroom.

"toji? are you there?" you called.

it was as if your soul went out of your body for a second, toji appeared infront of you. a curse slipped out of your mouth as toji's weight fell on you.

this was your first time seeing toji drunk, even your first time encountering a drunk person and you really don't know what to do so you tried your best to pull him with you in the room since he was so heavy.

once you opened the door of your room, you and toji fell on the ground. does his wife encountered this event a lot of times? if so what did she do?

toji was whispering something. you couldn't quite hear him as you placed your ear close to his mouth, the smell of alcohol getting stronger than it was and he was apologizing. you were confused as you move away from him.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." you said, trying to wake him up as toji's eyes slightly opened.

"my wife." he whispered, you don't know if that certain beat in your heart was because he called you his wife or maybe because he mistook you of his wife.

and the next words he uttered is what you didn't expect as he suddenly placed his hand on your cheek and you were completely frozen in your spot as he continued to speak.

toji's hand finally slipped from your face as his head fell on your shoulder and you sit there, processing the words he said just a minute ago

he didn't mistook you as if wife, he indeed called you his wife and it warmed your heart.

"mama?" you were out of your thoughts when you felt megumi's hand above yours. "are you okay?" he asked as you look at him and then at toji.

"i'm fine, what was it again?" you asked, facing megumi as he smiled at you.

"papa will go with us later!" he said.

"oh? is that so?" you said as you look at toji, waiting for his answer.

he laughs at your reaction.

"looks like you don't want to?" he joked.

"it's not like that! it's always just me and megumi, since you're always busy.." you responded.

"yeah, today's a day off." you cursed internally. you have an appointment to the doctor today, you thought taking megumi with you would be fine, but toji? what reason should you tell him? you couldn't possibly say that you have a family meeting. no, you don't even have someone you can call a family, except for this two. plus toji would be updated if there's a family gathering.

maybe you'll ask the doctor to move appointments.

-

"are you sure? though i'm not sure when my schedule's gonna be clear again, (name)."

"it's fine choso, i can wait, just update me."

"sorry about that, i'm busy these days plus yuuji's been wanting attention too."

"is that so?" you said as you smile. "i want to meet him soon! looks like he's a good kid."

"soon, i'll bring him to the hospital with me."

"okay, see you next time then?"

"yeah. and (name), don't stress yourself too much, it's bad for the heart." you smiled at his words.

"of course, thank you. bye."

"who's choso?" startled by the voice, you immediately hid your phone behind you.

he was eavesdropping.

toji raised his eyebrow at your reaction as he opened his cabinet.

"a friend of mine."

"really? didn't know you have a friend." toji said in a voice you couldn't recognize, it was as if he's mocking you. you scoffed at him, deciding to just ignore his words.

you were about to leave the room but toji's voice stopped you.

"if you're starting to date someone, don't inform megumi about it. or he'll be sad." he said, mumbling the last sentence as you left. did toji really thought you were dating someone even if you're married already?

sure everything is one-sided, but you just don't have it in you to date someone, not when toji already has your heart, your everything. even if he doesn't know it. but you think it's better for toji to assume that choso is something in your life than choso just being an appointed doctor.

-

toji was too drunk when he got home and he think he just saw his deceased wife, but when he approached the person, it turned out to be you.

toji noticed that he was at the bathroom and felt your hands on his arms as you place it on your shoulder. he felt drinking that day, he wanted to forget everything or maybe when his wife appeared on his dream last night, the words he told her. he didn't want to wake up that night.

toji already forgot her face, her voice, how her hands felt on his. he already promised that they will meet again. in next life or in another universe. it doesn't matter where, as long as he could meet his wife again. but his wife told him in his dreams that he should move on, and he couldn't just do that.

toji did saw your efforts. he saw how you care for him, especially megumi. but he couldn't just stop himself from comparing you to his wife on his mind. no one could ever replace his wife. toji squinted his eyes, he saw you trying to pick him up.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." but your words was a blur to him.

toji's hand twitched and moved on its own as he sat up from the floor.

"i'm sorry, i can't." he muttered as he placed his rough hand on your cheek, observing your eyes as he leaned his forehead on yours. "i can't love no more. i can't love you the same way. i'm sorry."

toji was the man of your dreams.

he might not know it but toji saved your life, he saved you from the hands of your greedy parents.

"i can't love you the same way, i'm sorry." the way he said those words were filled with guilt.

sometimes you put yourself on his place. if you were the one that has a past lover who died, of course it'll be hard to move on, especially when that person made you feel love and gave you the world.

toji was miserable back then, not until he met her. she fixed him. just like you and toji, you met him and he fixed you. the only difference was they loved each other. she loved him and he loved her, while you love him but he was stuck in the past.

there were times where you watch him sleep, not in a bad way, but just want to admire him where you whisper your love for him. he won't hear it of course. his dreams must be more entertaining than the words you're whispering to him.

toji's words that night made an impact to you. everything he does for you, you started viewing it as him just doing it for kindness and not for love. maybe toji just doesn't want to hurt you further because he knew how badly your family treated you back then. you were on the same page after all.

now you realized that maybe it was bound to happen, that being married with toji is enough, being a mother figure to megumi was enough. he already did enough for you, for taking you away from your hell life. you'll just pay him back by doing what you should for him and megumi.

you'll just love him silently. you'll bury your feelings deep inside your heart that only you, yourself knew. maybe wait for him to finally acknowledge you. but you knew it wouldn't happen this time around.

for now, you'll just watch him love someone who wasn't even around anymore.

-

toji was showing you a picture of his past wife because you asked him to see her. she looked a lot like megumi, but a female version. now you know why toji fell in love with her. even in the picture, it was already obvious that his wife was kind and a loving person. but you're kind and a loving person too, aren't you? the universe is so unfair.

"this is when she was 7 months pregnant." toji said as he pointed a specific picture. you smiled at his words as you continue to listen to him. but toji suddenly went silent all of the sudden and closed the album as he cleared his throat.

"why, did you want to see it?" he asked as he placed the album back inside his drawer.

"just curious, she looked a lot like megumi." you said as you lean your head on your knees, facing him. "how did you meet her?"

"it was an arranged marriage too." he said. "i wasn't really favored with it but i don't have a choice." toji smiled. how can a person like her make him smile like this when you can't? "she was simple, i suddenly fell in love with her." toji said with adoration in his voice as he looked at you.

you sighed as you lay flat on the bed and started stretching your arms.

"ah, i wonder if someone would love me that way too." you sighed as you turned your back on him.

"you will, but that couldn't be me." he said straightforwardly as if reminding you that you couldn't change his mind anymore and it made you curl yourself on the sheets.

"are you and that choso dating?" toji asked as you turn to face him. he was leaning his back on the headboard with a laptop on his lap.

"no? why'd you assume we're dating?"

"you've been going out a lot these days, i just thought."

"are you okay with that?" you asked.

"of course." and he didn't even hesitate which hurt you more. "i mean, maybe he's the one you're looking for?" toji said as he closed the laptop, the surroundings being engulfed with darkness, the bright moon outside being the only source of light.

but you're already here. you wanted to say those words but you already knew what he'll respond to it. toji lay flat on the bed as he placed his arms behind his head while you were still facing him.

"not gonna answer my question?"

"oh? what was it again?"

"i said maybe choso is the one you're looking for."

"toji-"

"i just want what's best for you, y/n. you know, i can't really.."

"toji, i already know that. choso is just a friend, nothing more, nothing less." you said followed by a sigh. "at least just let me be by your side." you whispered, hoping that he heard even just a bit of it.

"if you insist, but i already warned you." toji said.

"i know.." toji was just beside you, but he's far within your reach. has it always been like this? every night, you and toji always ends the day with a conversation, same question with the same answers and toji will end up with his back facing you. every night, you couldn't sleep. only whispering those three words to him hoping and praying that he'll hear it and say it back.

every i love you's that was whispered were left hanging on the air. sometimes it was tiring, thinking of the words toji said that maybe he wasn't really for you and you weren't the one for him.

"good night." you mumbled.

"good night." he replied and everything was dark.

i love you, toji.

those words you utter to yourself every single day and night, hoping that he'll say it back, maybe just once, and it might heal the void inside your heart. but not a single day he said it back.

-

toji felt guilty but he shouldn't be feeling this way. you were just married on papers and already agreed that being friends was enough. yet he couldn't help but watch as you curl yourself, as if seeking for a comfort he knew he couldn't give you. he apologized on his mind, he couldn't say it out loud because he knew how it would hurt you more, so he just stayed silent.

toji switched off the lights as he lay comfortably to the side with your back facing him. he doesn't know how long he's been closing his eyes but sleep just couldn't take over him.

"i love you, toji."

he froze on his spot and his body tensed as he heard you whispered those words. he then felt your fingers caress the scar on his lips.

"i'm sorry if you ever feel guilty for not returning my love for you. but always know that i understand you." you whispered and your touch disappeared on his skin as he felt your warmth get close to him. "i'll keep waiting, maybe someday.." minutes passed, toji was still waiting for you to say something but you were already silent.

he opened his one eye and the first thing he saw was your back, there were a space between you and him.

is it always this far? are you always this far from him? toji doesn't know. he tried to reach for you but he stopped himself. and then again, another apology had slipped on his mind. he couldn't say it back, not when he swore to only say those words to the person he loves.

toji finally closed his eyes as the sleepiness take over his body. he knew that the one for you, who'll cherish you, love you like how you deserve it will eventually come and toji was already certain that it wasn't him.

it was really true that first love never dies now that you've experienced it and toji was enough proof. you couldn't stop loving him the way he couldn't stop loving his past wife. how can you even wish someone to just die when they're already dead? it was weird but were you too cruel for that?

you just hope that someday, toji will look at you the way you've always been wanting and craving. you'll wait, even if your and his hair turns white or even if you only have enough time to live.

-

"just this once?" you whispered as toji held your cold hands as he placed it on his cheek.

toji closed his eyes as he placed your hand back on the bed, hospital bed.

"i'm really sorry.." he whispered back and it was enough for you to hear it.

a small laugh left your lips. it's so hard even to laugh now.

"that's fine, at least thank you for being here."

"i'll say it if you want."

"don't say something you don't mean, toji." you smiled at him.

"yeah, i guess so."

-

you sit up from the bed as you wake up. it was just dream, but it felt to real for it to be a dream.

you couldn't help but cry as you cover your mouth as you felt a hand on your back.

"what's wrong? another nightmare?" toji asked. even in your dreams, in your death bed, toji still didn't love you. even in your deathbed, toji still couldn't love you the way you wanted it. maybe it was sign that toji doesn't have to know your condition.

he doesn't need to know.

"it's nothing, let's go back to sleep?"

-

you went out again. toji heard you talking to someone on the phone, he guessed it was choso. he didn't mean to follow you but he still did.

toji ended up following you on a hospital and he was confused. are you sick? toji asked himself, but you always looked fine.

he anxiously tap his finger on the steering as he waited for you on his car and it took you more than 30 minutes to finally come out of the hospital again.

why does that doctor have to send you out? even placing his hand on your back.

toji watched you enter your car. he waited for you to leave before going out of his car to enter inside the hospital.

he was hesitant as he finally arrived the front desk.

he cleared his throat as he faced the lady infront.

"is there a patient named (name)?"

"(name)?" the nurse repeated as she looked down the lists but your name wasn't there. "i'm so sorry but there is no patient named y/n here."

"ah, mr. fushiguro. did (name) send you here?" toji turned around at the voice and he was met with the same doctor he saw outside the hospital. toji's eyebrow furrowed as he fully faced him. "i'm choso by the way, y/n's doctor. i guess she already told you?"

-

"mama?" you heard as you enter the front door.

megumi approached you as he embraced you.

"did you just woke up?" you asked as both of you went back to the living room.

"a while ago.."

"where's your papa?"

"i woke up when he left."

"he left? but he said it's his day off today." you mumbled as you recalled his words. "anyway, what do you want for breakfast, gumi?"

-

as toji entered the house, yours and megumi's muffled voice can be heard at the front door. it looked like you and megumi is having fun. toji finally entered the kitchen and saw you with megumi baking a cupcake.

"papa!" megumi exclaimed as he jumped down the stool to approach his father, the icing on megumi's clothes being transferred to toji's clean ones.

"welcome back, toji. where have you been?" you asked and it suddenly smelled like cigarettes.

she looks fine. toji thought, but he was trying to stare at you as if it'll reveal something.

"toji?" you called him with concern as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"just went out. who's that for?"

"mama said she wants to try baking!" megumi answered.

"is that so?" toji said as megumi hummed in response.

toji looked at you once again, but his stare was making you uncomfortable. there's something weird about the way he looks at you and it was scaring you.

"i'll rest for a bit." toji said as he left the kitchen.

"mama, did you and papa fight?" megumi asked as he approached you.

"no megumi, he's just tired." you smiled down at megumi to reassure him and he warmly returned your smile.

toji didn't left the room that day.

you lay down beside him, still minding the space with both of your backs facing each other.

you heard shuffling behind you but you paid no mind to it. and when you turned your body to the other side, you were surprised to come face to face with toji.

"hey." you started as you slightly move back to create more space. "are you not hungry? there's still left over from the kitchen.

"i'm fine." toji replied with a low voice as you nod at his words.

"good night, toji." you said as you went back to face the other side again.

you were waiting for his reply but minute passed, he was still silent so you took a deep breath and sighed while closing your eyes. but the moment you closed your eyes, you felt him move close to you. he tucked his arms below your body and then the other above you as he easily pulled you close to him.

"good night." he replied as you look up at him with shock. did he just initiate a physical touch? he's not drunk, right?

"mhm." you simply replied, still surprised. toji didn't move away after that, he stayed still and so were you.

"are you drunk?" you asked that made toji open his eyes.

"i'm not. why asking?"

"well, it's- is this okay with you?" you asked and your voice was too small that toji almost didn't catch it.

you were out of words. it was weird for toji to act this way, especially when he's not even drunk. does he need something from you?

it hurts to think that he's only being affectionate because he needs something from you. either way, you'll still do what he'll ask you because you love him.

"are you not comfortable with it?" the way you immediately stopped him when he was about to remove his arms around you was a desperate move, but you didn't want to lose this chance because it might not happen again.

"no, i like it.. it's just, we've never done this before, shouldn't you be the one who's uncomfortable with this? i mean-"

"shh, let's just stay like this." toji murmured as he pulled you a little more close to him. his warm breath fanning on your neck.

you smiled but if felt like something was missing. you felt complete but at the same time you're not. you placed your hands on top of toji's that was around you as you give it a light squeeze.

"toji." you called his name in a whispered tone as you heard him hummed in response. "i'm not her, toji."

you didn't know why you even said those words. toji was hugging you but there were possibilities of him thinking his wife on you. because why would he suddenly do this if not for that?

as those words left your mouth, the warm presence that was comforting you suddenly disappeared. you weren't even surprised when he did that, just a tiny bit of ache in your heart.

heh, i knew it. but it's fine, i still loved it. you thought to yourself as you ended up curling your own body again, seeking for the comfort that was there just a while ago.

maybe someday, toji will hug you again, but that time, you hope he'll do it as him thinking of you, not while thinking of his deceased wife.

-

"i'm choso by the way, (name)'s doctor. i guess she already told you?"

"hah?" toji rasped in confusion as he looked at choso. so this was choso and he's a doctor.

not bad. toji thought.

"then why are you here, mr. fushiguro? your wife left just 5 minutes ago."

"i know." toji replied.

choso raised his eyebrow at the man in front of him.

"do you perhaps need something from me?" choso couldn't help but ask because the way toji looked at him was different.

"yes, i want to talk to you."

both of them ended outside the hospital where there were no people around.

-

toji slammed his hand on the wall, slightly embarrassed as he watch the doctor laugh in front of him.

"what's funny." toji rasped.

"sorry, sorry-" choso replied as he pants, he never had a good laugh these days. "mr. fushiguro, are you assuming that your wife is having an affair with me?"

"i didn't mean it that way, i was just asking if you and (name) have something."

"mr. fushiguro, ms. (name) is just my patient, i'm sorry if it came off that way." choso said as he leaned his back on the wall. "plus i know my boundaries, i wouldn't go with a married woman, y'know." toji calmed his body as he leaned his back on the wall like choso did.

"she's always talking to you on the phone, that's why i assumed."

"(name) told me a lot about you."

"i'm hoping it's the good ones."

"not even once your wife badmouthed you, mister." choso replied as he offered toji a cigarette to which he declined.

"she's not sick, is she?" toji asked.

"mhm, your wife was diagnosed with arrhythmia."

"arrhythmia?" toji faced choso at his words.

"her heartbeat is irregular, mr.fushiguro. are you not taking a good care of your wife?" choso tried to joke him but he didn't expect toji to stay silent. "well, i hope she's not lying when she said she doesn't smoke and drink?"

"no, she doesn't." toji said.

"anxiety or any emotional distress can cause this. are you perhaps having a lot of fight? her condition has been like this for a long time now."

"no, we don't fight." toji said "is it harming her that much?" toji asked

"for now, it's not. but if she doesn't take a good care of herself, it may lead to a heart failure."

"how to avoid this?" choso looked at toji in disbelief. did you seriously kept it a secret to your husband?

-

"toji." you called him as he was about to leave the house. "i'm sorry about last night." you said.

you frowned as you heard the front door close. toji was ignoring you. you felt guilty for saying those words last night but you just couldn't hold back anymore. it was hurting you. why would you say that when toji only wanted to be close with you?

you sighed in defeat as you turn around, continuing the dishes you were doing.

you knew how toji hated it when it's about his wife, yet you still brought it up.

-

"toji!" you scolded.

it was yet another night where he came home drunk, you're almost starting to get used of this scenario.

"i said don't touch me!" he yelled back as you stumbled back a bit from the force of his push.

you were getting scared. not even once toji had yelled at you, this was the first time. was the words you said really did have an impact to him? now you feel more guilty than you were. you were scared that toji would start looking at you the way your family did.

only because of the stupid words you said.

"toji." you said in a more calmer tone as you guide him on his feet.

"let go." he mumbled.

"i will. let's go to the room first, okay?" you sighed in relief when toji did what you said without saying anything.

"mama.." toji's voice must've woke megumi up as he look at you with concerned eyes.

toji shrugged his shoulders to remove your hand on his shoulders as he kneeled infront of megumi.

"megumi, mama's not here anymore." toji said.

you were taken aback but megumi was more surprised than you were that he started crying.

he was pushing toji away from him as he cry.

"i hate you!" megumi yelled as he finally free himself from toji and hugged your leg.

"it's okay, 'gumi. go back to sleep." you said as you kneeled on megumi's level while he cried in your shirt.

toji stood up by himself as he entered your shared bedroom, closing the door with a force as you flinch in surprise.

"mama." megumi cried.

"it's fine now, he's just tired."

"you say that a lot of times." megumi said as he wiped his tears. "let's sleep together, mama." you look at your room door as you nod at megumi.

maybe toji needs to have his time alone for now.

-

you were humming a lullaby as you sing megumi to sleep.

you already sang the lullaby 3 times already and just like you, megumi couldn't sleep at all. he knew you were crying but he decided to not talk to you.

megumi pretended to be asleep as you finally stopped humming.

he heard you took a deep breath as you pulled his small body close to you.

"night night, 'gumi." he heard you whispered as he felt the dip on his bed beside him disappear.

megumi squinted his eyes and saw you walking out of his room as the door finally closed leaving him inside his now dark room.

megumi sat up from his bed as he silently followed you.

he was tiptoeing as he followed you to the kitchen.

you were sitting there, a glass of water between your hands as you stare at nothing.

you were too drained as you wiped the remaining tears your eyes could release.

megumi was lost in his thoughts and didn't hear you walking on his way, but before you could caught him, he showed himself to you.

"megumi?" you called him, slightly surprised at his presence. "what's wrong?"

"um water, mama." he said as he noticed you smile a bit before giving him a glass of water.

-

"all good?" you asked as megumi tucked you and himself on the blanket as he hug you. he nods in response as he sighed in content.

"mama, i will tell papa tomorrow to say sorry." he said.

"it's fine, 'gumi. he's just tired and mama understands." you said as you brushed megumi's hair with your fingers.

"okay, i love you mama."

"i love you too, now go back to sleep you have school tomorrow."

-

when megumi woke up the next morning, you were still sleeping beside him. he kissed your tear stained cheek as he went out to start his day.

he found his father on the kitchen counter, holding his head with his hand.

toji noticed megumi's presence as he immediately approached his son.

"where's your mama?" toji asked as he placed his hands on megumi's shoulders.

megumi noticed that his father was restless, but he deserved it for yelling at you last night.

"say sorry to mama, papa." megumi said.

"ha? where's she?"

"in my room. mama was crying because of you!" megumi yelled, he almost wanted to cry as he recalled your unreadable expression last night. "i saw mama drink so many medicine, papa." megumi muttered.

toji massaged his temples as he made his way to megumi's room with megumi following behind.

toji slowly opened the door and sighed in relief as he finally saw you.

megumi's small blanket couldn't even cover your whole body as toji approached you and gently carried you to the bed, transferring you to your shared room.

"let's not wake up mama for now." toji said as he pats megumi's head. "i'll drive you to school."

-

"papa." megumi called as he fixed the seatbelt of the front seat. toji hummed in response as he waited for the street lights to turn green. "do you hate mama?" megumi was hesitant at his question.

"no." toji responded plainly.

"but you always make mama cry." megumi mumbled. "you always say that she's not my mama and it's hurting her. i always see mama cry, i just stay quiet." toji ignored his son as he started driving.

-

toji went back home after sending megumi to school and you were still sleeping.

he sat on the bed as he tried to recall anything that has happened last night but he couldn't remember anything.

he felt you moved as he look at you. you were finally awake.

you saw him as you sit up from the bed.

"good morning." you greeted as you rubbed your eyes.

toji was waiting for you to say something about last night but you didn't and instead smiled at him as you stretched your body.

"megumi!" you exclaimed as you realized that you were supposed to send him to school.

"i already drove him to school."

"ah really? thank you." you said as you finally relaxed your body. "then, what do you want for breakfast?"

-

has it been always like this? toji asked himself as he watched you prepare breakfast.

is it always like this the next day when he came home every night he's drunk?

you were all smile but this was the first time toji noticed that it was forced. is it really always like this?

toji wasn't the one to get nervous but when he recalled the nights he came home drunk, he couldn't recall anything.

he must've said or did something hurtful to you that you do not wish to tell him the next morning.

megumi was always a witness to it but you always tell him to stay quiet.

"i'll go out later." you said as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"okay. want me to accompany you?" toji noticed the way you immediately declined his request and there, he exactly knew where you're headed.

toji watched you drink the hot chocolate in your mug.

"(name)." he called.

"mh?"

"i'm sorry. if i ever did something last night."

not just last night, every time he comes home drunk, toji would say something hurtful and you were even convinced that he means some of it.

the first time he came home drunk, he told you he couldn't love you the way you love him and that was fine for you. but second time he came home drunk, he said the words i love you, but it wasn't for you. he said i love you but not your name in it. the third night he came home drunk, he compared you to his wife saying that you couldn't replace the role of being megumi's mother and you know that.

megumi was there and he cried with you saying that he loves you and don't listen to what his father said to you. but then it happened again. he watch his father get mad at everything, including you, his mother who just wanted to help him get to bed. he knew his father wasn't in his right mind because he was drunk. he cried with you again that night.

megumi got used to seeing you hiding your sobs from him. he already saw you cry silently or sometimes you just sit there to stare at nothing. megumi once caught you breathing heavily on the bathroom and there was a blood on the sink. you told him that it was nothing and megumi was just a kid, of course he would believe you that it was just nothing.

but as megumi continues to grow, he's starting to think that his father hates you. he started observing the two of you and there was nothing wrong with your relationship, except when his father is drunk. don't get megumi wrong, he still loves her real mother but you were the one who raised him. he haven't seen his mother once, only in pictures.

"(name)?" you snapped out of your thoughts as you looked from your plate to toji.

"i said i'm sorry." he said.

"it's fine, you were drunk."

"so i did said something, huh." toji cursed under his breath as he heard you laugh.

"don't worry, it's not that deep."

it was. but remembering it will only hurt you more.

you've been having nightmares these days and you don't know if it's a sign for something. every dream you had was weird. there were times where toji would appear in your dreams. sometimes he hates you and sometimes, he loves you that you don't even want to wake up anymore.

you were currently sitting inside a hospital room as choso stood meters away from you.

"are you even taking a rest like i told you to?"

"yes."

"then why is your condition getting worse?" choso's words made you look at him, he was writing something on a paper.

"really?"

"really. (name), i am telling you this now, you'll suffer the consequences if you don't listen to me."

"but i do take rest."

"taking rest isn't enough, you should avoid your heart from getting tired. have you experienced panic attack these past few weeks?"

"n-no."

"you're lying."

"i'm not."

"your husband's worried, you know." you don't know why choso words made your heart clench, but you just hope his words were true.

"really?" you said as if you weren't convinced. choso looks at you and back at the paper as he sighed.

"i'll add another medicine, make sure to take it on time."

"why do we have to do these things?" you said as choso looked up from the paper to you.

"what do you mean?" choso asked as he raised his eyebrow at you.

"i mean, isn't better to just wait until it's over?" choso got silent, clearly surprised at the words you said. you noticed his reaction as you released a nervous laugh. "what am i even saying.." you said as you laughed at yourself.

"are you even hearing yourself?"

"i know what i said, choso. but don't worry, i was just joking."

"not a funny one. you just don't know it (name) but your husband's really worried."

"if you think your words would calm me, it's not working."

"huh?" you stood up from the seat before choso could say something.

"i guess we're already done here?" you said as choso nods.

"(name). take a proper rest."

-

you fell asleep the moment you got home and when you went downstairs, it was messy.

the television was on full volume and megumi was nowhere to be seen. toji was on the kitchen sleeping, there was a consumed bottle of liquor beside him.

"toji." you shake him to wake him up but it didn't work at first try so you did it again.

he was awake all of the sudden as he look around the kitchen. toji was drunk again as you thought of the things that happens every night he came home drunk. you hope he would just stay silent and wouldn't say anything anymore.

"let's get you to bed." you said as you helped him stand up but before you and toji reached the room, you fell on the floor as you entered the room. and the scene was so familiar to you.

"(name)." he called as you snapped out of the memory. "(nameee)." he called again.

"i'm here." you said.

"you're here?" he said as he touched your face as if he doesn't believe you. "you're really here." he said as he smiled and embraced you.

and you, you were taken aback, but you just let him.

"why did you leave me?" he said.

there he goes again.

"hey, look at me." he said as he held your cheeks with his thumb and pointer finger.

why does looking at him hurts.

"don't ever think that i don't love you, okay? i'm so grateful that you're here.." you were waiting for it. for him to call his wife's name but you didn't expect that he'll say yours. "if i started loving you, are you going to stay?" he said and you were speechless. "i'm sick of people leaving me." he mumbled as he embraced you. "i don't want you to leave. i promise, i'll love you like how you want it. i'll do it, i'll move on from her but in exchange, don't ever leave, okay? we'll heal you, you'll be fine."

what was he even talking about? it's not like your leaving or something, right?

you sighed, brushing off his words as you placed him on the bed.

"don't force yourself to love someone, toji. go to sleep, i'll look for megumi."

-

you were about to leave the house as you heard sobs coming from the house. and when you followed the sound, you were surprised to see megumi who tucked himself at a kitchen cabinet.

"mama!" he said as he embraced you.

"megumi, what are you doing inside the cabinet?"

"i'm hiding." he frowned as you wiped his tears.

"from who?" you said with a soft voice to calm him.

"mama.." megumi mumbled as his voice slightly cracked. "papa said you'll leave us."

"he said that?" you said as you kneeled into his level and he nods at your question. "he's lying." you said as megumi sighed in relief and embraced you once again.

"papa said you'll leave just like my real mama." megumi pulled away from the hug as he saw your surprised expression. "it's not true, right? mama."

your forced a smile as you pinched megumi's cheeks.

"of course, mama won't leave. never."

"toji, can you drive megumi to school today?" you muttered as you saw toji who was about to leave the room.

"what was that?" toji asked as he closed the door once again and approached you. you sit up from the bed and your vision started to spin.

"bring megumi to school." you said followed with a small cough.

"yeah sure." he hesitantly said.

"thanks." you mumbled as you lay back down on the bed.

"you okay?" toji asked as you felt him sit on the bed.

"i'm fine, must be a fever." you said but toji wasn't convinced and placed the back of his palm on your forehead to your neck and you were burning. toji was about to say something but he felt your cold hands on his.

"i'm fine, don't worry." you assured him with a smile as you let go of his hand and faced the other side. you were burning but your hands were too cold.

"i'll be back." toji said, immediately leaving the room as you heard the doorknob clicked.

-

toji was back after sending megumi to school. megumi insisted on seeing you before leaving but if he found out you're sick, toji knew megumi wouldn't want to go to school anymore. you weren't in the room when toji entered.

he started looking for you around the house and the kitchen was the last place he expected to see you. he sighed in relief when he saw you sleeping on the table with a glass of water in your right hand. toji's eybrows furrowed as he silently approached you. he can hear your soft snores as he went closer and closer.

"(name)?" he said in a whispered tone and you woke up within a second as you look around.

"oh?" was the only word you let out as you felt toji's hands on your shoulders. "i fell asleep."

"what are you doing here?" he said as you tried to stand up but you failed. you don't have the energy even to stand up.

"i got thirsty but i got tired before i even drink water." you said as you finally drink the glass of water.

"you should see a doctor." toji suggested.

"i'm finee." you said as you let toji guide you back to the room.

slowly, you sit from the bed as toji helped you to lay down. he placed a blanket above your body and went straight to the bathroom inside the room. he went back with a wet towel and a bucket of water as he started wiping your face with it.

"thank you." you whispered, even your throat was hurting. toji didn't respond as he continued on his task and after that, toji took another towel and placed it above your head.

"toji." you called as he stopped at the door he just opened.

'can you stay please?'

how badly you wanted to ask him to stay with you, but the dreams you had before started replaying in your mind. maybe you shouldn't. "it's nothing." you said as you pulled the blanket above your chin.

toji seemed to notice your distress as he silently closed the door and approached you again.

"i will be back. i'll just buy you food." he said as you covered your whole body with the blanket.

"okay." you said and you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.

do you have to be sick for toji to look out for you? maybe being sick is not that bad after all.

toji came back after five minutes, it's not that you're counting though, you were just bored.

"where did you go?" you asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"i'll just order, what do you want- i mean, you can't eat anything for now, let's just order a soup." toji looked at you as he heard you laugh at his words.

"there's no need, toji. it's not that hard to cook a soup." you said as you sit up from the bed, only for toji to push you back down on the bed as you let him place the blanket above you.

"don't be stubborn."

"toji, don't tell me you can't cook a soup." you said.

"it's not like that, okay? i just-" he paused for a moment before turning his back on you. "you seemed like you want a some company, that's why i am here." he said.

speechless, that's how you describe yourself now.

"is that so?" you said as you watch him scratch his head.

"i'll do this on my own way, okay?"

"okay. but let me, i know exactly where to order a good soup."

-

"this looks plain as hell." toji said as he opened the soup you ordered.

"but it's delicious, and why are you complaining?" you said as you raised your eyebrow at him. "i'm the one who's gonna eat it, not you!" you exclaimed as toji huffed in response.

toji started pouring the soup on a bowl before placing a chair beside the bed. and for a moment, you look at him and he looks at you.

"it's fine, i can do it myself." you said, trying to reach the bowl on his hand but he moved it slightly away from your reach. he hesitated for a moment before taking the spoon on his finger.

"ahh." he instructed.

"toji, this is embarrassing." you muttered as you move away from the spoon.

"how are you gonna get better if you're being stubborn?"

"just let me!!"

"tch, let me handle this." he said as you, again, tried to take the spoon from him but it was useless so you did what he said as he slowly placed the spoon with soup in your mouth.

it was quiet as toji continues to feed you, until it's the last spoon of the soup, you suddenly let out a cough as the soup dripped from the corner of your mouth and to the duvet.

"oh." you mumbled as toji reached out for the tissues. "sorry." you mumbled as you started to wipe the soup on the blanket and then the corner of your mouth. "we have to change blankets, i guess."

it was too sudden that you didn't have time to process everything when toji leaned close to you. you can feel his hot breath on your cheek as he pressed his lips on the corner of your lips, with him tasting the soup he just fed you.

you were sure you were losing your breath as he pulled away as if nothing happened.

"ah, sorry." he said as if he just didn't kiss you. he started to gather the paper bag of the soup earlier and took the blanket on your hands. "i'll get a new one." he said as he finally left the room.

-

why is he acting so normal when you're there sitting on the bed, trying to calm your speeding heart at the moments earlier.

you cursed under your breath as you hide your face with your palms.

why are you even embarrassed when kissing is normal to a married couple? it was normal but it was unusual for toji to act like that, you haven't even hold hands with him but a kiss? that's way more unexpected.

-

toji gently closed the door of the room as he leaned his weight on it.

"fuck." he muttered as he clutched the blanket on his hand.

seeing you wipe the soup on the blanket with that smile on your face urge toji to do that. he himself didn't expect it too. he cursed once again before proceeding to the task in hand.

-

you were startled when the door opens.

it was toji carrying a new blanket.

"i'll pick up megumi soon." he said.

"what about your work?"

"i took a day off." you hoped he did because you were sick. "you can't be left alone." he said as if he just read your mind.

"oh. thank you."

"not a problem. make sure to do the same when i got sick too." he joked, but it didn't fail to put a smile on your face.

"of course, i would love too! but i'm not saying that i want you to get sick!"

-

"mama!" you can hear megumi's voice from afar as he finally entered your room, throwing his lunchbox bag somewhere as he approached you.

"megumi, don't get to close." you said.

"mama! are you okay?"

"megumi, stop yelling." toji said as he entered the room, picking up megumi's lunchbox bag he threw minutes ago.

"you said mama is not sick!"

"megumi, don't yell at your papa." you said as megumi finally faced you, his face turning into a frown as he faced his father once again.

"i'm sorry, papa." he muttered.

toji was impressed that you could make megumi easily obey you. a thing he couldn't do when megumi was 3 years old.

"come on, change into your home clothes." toji said as he carried megumi like a sack of rice.

"i'll be back, mama!" he said before he and toji disappeared from your view and toji came back after a minute before closing the door with a sigh.

"come and rest." you said as you pat the empty space beside you.

toji sat beside you as the surroundings became quiet. he cleared his throat as he took the plushie megumi bought you and squeezed it.

"i'm sorry." he said.

"why?" you said, completely confused at the apology he just uttered.

"earlier. i didn't mean it."

oh.

"w-well, it's fine." you said as you conceal your stutter with a cough. "it's not like i'm complaining.."

"ha?"

"i mean- don't get the wrong idea!" you said, trying to find the right words. do you say it's okay, i liked it? or it's okay, i enjoyed it? "but.. did you regret it?" you asked, and the tension suddenly became heavy.

he was quiet and must be thinking about it.

"i did-" he paused, and that small pause sure made you nervous. "not?.." toji said in a questioning manner. you felt nervous and relieved at the same time.

"what about you?" he asked and you were more than confident at your answer.

"no. if i'm being honest, i really.. liked it." the last sentence were whispered.

"was that your first kiss?" he asked and you only hummed in response. it was true that toji was your first kiss, even if it was just a peck, his lips still touched yours.

you felt toji shift on the bed as he faced you.

"come closer." he said and you hesitated for a bit as you finally faced him and crawled a bit closer to him.

you were looking anywhere but his eyes as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. and then he's leaning close again.

"tell me to stop and i will." he mumbled, forcing you to look in his dark blue eyes.

"toji, are you sure about this?" you mumbled as you clutched your pajamas under the blanket. "don't do something you'll regret, toji."

he cuts you off by finally kissing you and it wasn't just a peck like you expected it.

he continued and deepened the kiss, until you're laying on the bed and when he finally pulled away, his hands was between your head as you clutch his clothes on his shoulders.

"toji-"

"shh.. i do not regret any of it."

"i need to confine you for 15 days, so i could monitor you properly."

"but i am resting!"

"yes you are, but it's not enough. it's better if it's being observed that you're taking a rest."

"is there another way?" you said as you clutch your phone in your hand. "i actually don't know how to tell my husband." you said as choso looked at you.

"but i already called him. he said he's on his way here."

"huh, what do you mean?" you said, completely surprised that it made you stand up from the chair. "he doesn't even know that i am sick." you said. "choso, i told you to keep it a secret right?"

"i'm sorry, he accused us of having an affair. i needed to." and then there was a knock on the door, and you knew who exactly it is. toji entered the room and you look away from him.

"take a sit, mr. fushiguro." choso said as he instructed him to sit beside you. you weren't looking at him but you can feel toji's burning gaze at you. choso left the room for a moment and being alone with toji became suffocating right now.

you suddenly felt his hand above yours. you thought he would judge or even get mad at you but you but he didn't.

"we'll talk later, okay?" he said as choso finally came back.

-

"15 days? if that's enough. as long as you treat my wife." toji said. he's doing all the talking while you sit there in silence and.. he really did call you his wife.

toji thanked choso after that as he held your hand and pulled you with him. you gave choso a last glance, a glance as if he just betrayed you and he was looking at you with his apologetic gaze, and there, you and toji left the hospital.

"when did you found out?" you asked.

"a few weeks ago. i followed you." toji said as the signal lights turned red and there was a faint sound of music in the background. "why didn't you tell me?" he asked and you hesitated for a moment as you sit up straight on the front seat.

"choso said it wasn't that life threatening, that's why i thought i don't have to tell anyone." you were mumbling that toji almost didn't understand your words.

"not life threatening but now you need to be confined for 15 days?" toji said and you went silent. "do you not trust me?" he suddenly asked and you immediately disagreed at his words.

"no!" you said. "sorry, i just don't want to be a burden and.. i thought you wouldn't care." you said, whispering the last sentence as you wait for his response. and he didn't respond anymore, until both of you reached the house.

"toji, i'm really sorry." you said and he finally looked at you.

"we're in this together, why would you think i wouldn't care?" he asked and you frowned.

"i'm sorry toji. i just didn't have enough courage to tell you because.. it's because of your wife."

"my wife?" he scoffed, raising his eyebrow as you nod.

"i don't know how to tell you because all you could think of is your wife!" you were frantic as you explain, trying not to say the wrong words because it might trigger him in some way as your emotions get the best of you. "i thought you wouldn't care because i'm not her." you said as you look down on the ground, trying to hold the tears that was eager to come out.

"but i do care, this is not about her. this is about you."

"you don't understand it, toji." you said.

"then i apologize if i came of that way, that you thought i wouldn't care because all i think of is my wife." toji said, emphasizing the words with sarcasm. "but you're my wife too, my wife now." he said, the sarcasm dropping on his voice.

"but i'm not the presence you've been wanting for, i know my place, toji. you reminded me a lot of times already." you said.

when did talking about your illness turned into fighting over his deceased wife?

toji sighed at your response and you took a step back when he stepped forward.

"i'm sorry, i want to be alone for now." you mumbled as you went to your shared room.

you and him were fine just last night? what happened now? it was all because of your stubbornness. it was obvious that toji was worried and cares for you but you're pushing him away.

you couldn't help it, you aren't used at him caring for you. you're mistaking his kindness into something, that maybe he's saying all of it out of pity or guilt.

that's right, now you realized why toji was weird the past few weeks. it's because he already found out and he just didn't tell you.

-

toji forced the door open with a key and he saw you sitting at the edge of the bed. you didn't even notice him until he sat beside you.

"i'm sorry." you said at the same time.

"sorry, i involved her again." you said as you felt toji's hand at your back.

"i didn't know you felt that way." he said.

"it's okay. i know how hard it is to move on from someone." you said as you held his free hand. "this will be the last time, toji." you said.

"what do you mean?" he asked.

"i'm not dying." you said with a laugh. "what i mean is this will be the last time i'll involve her. i finally realized it, toji. that no matter what i do, i still couldn't do anything for you to love me the way i love you." toji was about to say something but you cut him off. "but it's fine! like you said, we're married only in papers. i think i'm getting it now."

he was silent and you felt his touch disappear on your back.

"i just want to sort everything out before i stay in the hospital for 15 days." you mumbled as you sighed deeply. "sooo, friends then?" you said, the same exact words he told you before you two got married by force. but you saying it hit something in him, it made his chest ache.

he felt your hand take his and shake it, as if both of you just had an agreement. you didn't even wait for his reply as you finally sit up from the bed and started packing some clothes you'll be needing and he could only watch.

-

"don't worry, it'll only be 15 days. mr. fushiguro can still visit everyday but only around 10 AM to 5 PM." choso said as he glanced at your way.

"choso, did you know there was a theory that being hospitalized will only worsen your state. what if that happens to me?" you said.

"that's a lie, you're here not to worsen your state but to heal you."

"but what if? you know, everything is unexpected."

"why'd you even ask?"

"i don't know. i guess i'm ready?" you said and choso was looking at you with his judging expression. "just kidding." you said as you laugh.

"think of the people who cares for you. be strong for them because they're waiting for you to come home." choso said and megumi was the only person you could think of.

"my son." you said with a smile.

"yes, megumi's waiting for you so stop with your negative thoughts."

"ok, i will."

-

"mama!" your mood shifted as you heard megumi and he finally entered the room.

he was on his school uniform as he approached you, his upper body leaning on the bed as he tried to reach for you. you leaned close to him as megumi's small hands held you by your cheeks.

"mama, why are you here?" he asked as he frowned.

"mama needs to stay here for now but don't worry."

"why?"

"megumi, don't ask too many questions." toji said.

"it's fine." you said.

toji was watching you and his son interact.

megumi was still mad at him but megumi just didn't show you. toji mentally slapped himself as he recalled the happenings yesterday.

it was megumi frantically looking for you around the house.

-

megumi was running around the house as he call for you.

"where's mama?" he asked toji as he pants.

"she'll be staying at the hospital for now." toji said.

"why? is mama sick?" megumi said as he approached his father who's ignoring his question. "papa!"

"megumi, you won't understand. and yes mama is sick. now stop asking."

"why is mama sick!" megumi yelled, asking questions, eager to know the answers.

"she needs her heart to be healed. there, now go to your room megumi, you have school tomorrow."

"heart?" megumi muttered as he forced himself on his father's sight as toji sighed. "it's all your fault!" megumi yelled and toji ignored him. "you always make mama cry! now her heart is sad because of you! you always get mad at mama when you come home drunk!"

"what did you say?" toji said as he held megumi by his shoulders.

"i hate you! i wish it's you in the hospital not mama!" megumi said before he could even realize his words as toji let go of megumi. toji sat back on the couch and megumi ran out of the living room.

megumi cried to his sleep as he craved for your presence.

-

megumi was laying on top of you as you lull him to sleep.

"say sorry to your papa later, okay?" you said as megumi sniffed before nodding.

toji went to buy foods outside as megumi told you everything he said last night.

"it's not your papa's fault why i am here. remember that."

"mama get home soon, okay?"

"of course." you said as you pinch his nose. "stop crying now."

after some minutes, toji finally came back as you and megumi ate the food he bought.

-

megumi sat at the back seat as he hug his knees.

"i'm sorry, papa." he mumbled. "mama told me what i said is bad. i'm sorry." toji kept quiet as he drives.

he carried megumi who fell asleep at the back seat to his room, giving him a kiss on the forehead before leaving.

toji thought megumi was right, that maybe it was better that it was him in the hospital and not you. he didn't want to lose anyone anymore and toji hoped that he isn't too late.

he was blaming himself.

he already considered himself as a curse, because if he started to love someone, something bad will happen to them. worst is they disappear from his life.

is it a right choice to finally love you?

maybe not.

first week of your stay in hospital wasn't that boring as you thought it would be.

toji would visit you at the starting hours and will bring megumi from school at the last hour, though megumi always sleep on top of you since he wanted to be close to you.

toji would sit there in silence as you hum megumi a lullaby he once heard his son humming while doing his assignments.

toji knew megumi were attached to you but he didn't knew he's that attached to the point that megumi always cry every night, looking for you and will end up sleeping beside toji occupying the space you usually lay at.

"mama, i counted and it's 8." megumi said as he sat on the hospital bed beside you.

"that's right, 7 days more and mama can go home."

"but 7 days is too long." megumi said as he frowned.

"it's not if you stop focusing on it."

"okay, i will not!" you and megumi laughed at the same time and he kneeled towards you as he started wiping your under eyes with his thumb.

"mama, are you sleeping enough?" megumi asked.

"i am. it's just so boring here when i'm alone." you said as megumi embraced you.

"don't worry, mama. i will pray so you can go back home."

"thank you, 'gumi."

"mama." megumi whispered after a minute of silence as you hummed in response.

"papa is not sleeping well." megumi said as he look around as if someone was there to listen but it was just you and him since toji left when someone called him.

"why?" you asked.

"papa misses you, mama."

"he does?" you said as megumi frantically nods.

"he said it to me!" megumi exclaimed excitedly.

-

megumi was sitting on the kitchen stool as he stared at the cereal on the table.

he hates cereal, he loves the food you cook for him but since you weren't around, he needed to eat it for now.

"stop crying megumi. she'll be back soon." toji said as he drink his black coffee.

megumi wiped his tears as he sniffed.

"i miss mama." megumi mumbled followed by another sniff and toji sighed as he sat beside his son.

"i miss mama too but don't worry, okay? let's have faith and be strong for her too."

"okay. but papa if mama is back you better not make her heart sad again." megumi said as he waited for his father's response and minutes passed, he noticed his father was spacing out. "papa?"

"oh?" toji snapped out of his thoughts as he smiled at megumi. "of course."

-

"bye bye mama." megumi said as he look away from you and you knew he was holding his tears back.

"come here." you said as he slowly approached you. "don't cry, you'll be back tomorrow, right?" megumi nods as he wiped his eyes with his sleeves. "bye bye." you said as you kissed his forehead before he went back beside toji as he held toji's hand.

you made an eye contact with toji "see you?" you said and he only nod in response.

why are you expecting something when you and toji already settled everything as friends.

toji looked at you for the last time before he and megumi left the room, leaving you alone again.

what are you even expecting? it's not like he would do something.

you just hope that he did something though. maybe a kiss on your forehead? or just a simple words of affirmation, but nevermind.

you sighed as you hug your knees, you should stop thinking about something that'll hurt your own feelings, you didn't want to worsen your state more, do you?

as if it was a coincidence, choso entered the room with papers in his hand.

"hi." you greeted as choso entered the room.

"how are you feeling?"

"nice, i guess?"

"good job, there's a lot of progress." he said.

"wow really?!" you said excitedly.

"yes, you don't have to stay for another 7 days. did your husband left already?"

"they just left."

"call them back so you could finally go home with them."

-

"mama, do you hate papa?" megumi suddenly asked as he looked up at you, both of you laying on the couch with book in your hand.

"why are you asking that question? of course i don't."

"really? but why do you and papa always fight?"

"we aren't fighting, megumi. that nights you saw him getting mad was because he wasn't in his right mind and he was drunk."

"oh, okay." megumi said as he lay down back on your chest as you started playing with his hair again.

"i love your papa so much, 'gumi. more than i love myself." you whispered as you smile.

-

toji is currently helping you with the laundry since he couldn't force you enough to take a rest.

"take a rest." toji said for the nth time as you wait for the laundry to finish.

"i'll just finish this." you said.

toji sighed, another attempt to force you failed and he could only wait for you.

he was getting impatient as he stand just at the door. he couldn't leave you alone, he's worried something might happen if he lose sight of you.

the same lullaby you're humming for megumi can be heard at the background as he watch you attentively.

but a sudden gasp left your mouth, your humming getting interrupted as you felt him hug you from behind.

"just take a rest." toji said.

"i'm almost finished." you said, an unexplainable feeling stirring in your system. it was as if you're uncomfortable at the physical touch he just initiated.

weren't you craving for his touch? now that he did it, why are you complaining?

"come on. i'll finish that. listen to your doctor, will you?" toji said as he held you by the wrist and pulled you going to the room.

"do you know what you'll do?"

"yeah, i do the laundry before." he said.

"okay, let me know if you're done."

-

you've met toji before, back when you were in middle school. maybe he doesn't remember you but you remember him.

that time when someone was making fun of you, he involved himself and protected you. it wasn't really a fight, it was just him pushing them away that made them run away from the scene.

"thank you." you mumbled and when he looked back at you, you noticed a band aid on the side of his mouth that was already red in color. he only looked at you as he walked away. but before he could get away, you held him by his hand. he made an irritated expression that scared you for a moment as you stutter through your words.

"i have a band aid here." you said as you look at each pocket of your clothes until you found it in your hoodie. toji was watching with an unimpressed look as he stand awkwardly. he hissed in pain when you removed the band aid from his lip and replaced it with a new one.

"there." you said. he didn't even thanked you as he left and when toji saw his reflection on a random store, the design of the band aid was really, embarrassing.. a hello kitty design.

-

you were at the middle of college when your parents told you to stop. they had arranged a marriage for you that you didn't even want. you didn't want to stop college, you wanted to be free but they wouldn't let you. when you met your soon to be husband, you thought he was familiar but couldn't place your finger with. you were sure that you saw this man somewhere, you just couldn't recall where.

the scar on the side of his mouth made you curious as you stare at it and it suddenly made toji self-conscious.

"ah this scar?" he said as your eyes shifted from his scar to his eyes. you were on your first 'date' with toji. the one both of your parents said to get to know each other more.

"i got this from abuse." he said straightforwardly as you laugh nervously.

"um.. did it hurt?" you asked.

"no." he said as he placed his hand near his scar and as if something slapped you mentally, toji's current position reminded you of someone. that kid from the playground, the one who defended you from the bullies, the one that you gave the band aid you just bought because you accidentally scraped your knee, but you gave it to him. toji noticed you genuinely smile at him followed with a wholehearted laugh.

"what's wrong?" he asked and you only shake your head in response.

what a coincidence. who would've thought that the kid you kept on searching for, the reason why you stayed at the playground for who knows how long, hoping to see him again was being married to you? what an unexpected turn of your life.

-

getting to know each other means getting to know everything in your life. personal or not. it was as if that 'date' made your heart full and ended up being broken in the end. toji was the kid you've been looking for, for a long time now but then he suddenly told you that he was already married and they had a son together.

he clarified that he only accepted the marriage because he didn't have a choice. he told you he just didn't want to disobey his parents and megumi just need a presence of a mother.

"being friends will do." he said as you hesitantly nod.

-

you didn't even know why you suddenly remembered the past.

"(name), where did you put-" the words died in toji's throat as he opens the door, only to find you standing at one of his drawers, a folder in your hand as you continue to stare at the paper.

the folder was immediately snatched at your hands as toji placed it back on his drawer.

"that's–" you gasped.

"no, listen–" toji mentally cursed himself. he forgot to throw the divorce papers he requested back when it's the first month of your relationship. he forgot to throw it when he was cleaning his drawers the day you were at the hospital

you looked at him, and he hated that look in your face as another curse left his mind. what should he say? how should he explain it.

"well, if that's what you want."

"no." toji said as he moved close to you but your instinct told you to step back and you did. "that was, that wasn't.." he was stuttering through his words as he heard you sigh.

your heart was aching but you have to ease the pain. you didn't want to go back to the hospital again.

"it's fine, toji. you don't have to explain." you said as you sit at the edge of the bed.

"that was before. first month of us being married." toji explained and the small shift of your mood got unnoticed by him.

"is that so?" you said, looking up at him. "maybe i did something you didn't like to ask for divorce papers, huh." you chuckled as you recalled the first month of your marriage. it was megumi finally addressing you as his mother.

toji admitted that day that he didn't want megumi calling you 'mama' but he didn't want to wipe the genuine smile on his son's face so he just let him call you his mother.

"i'm sorry." he said followed by a strong curse.

"why?"

"fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't- that was before. i don't want a divorce now." toji said and the ache in your chest suddenly disappeared as you gave him a teasing grin.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you joked and it was clearly just a joke, but the tension suddenly changed. he wasn't laughing at your words but was looking straight in your eyes with something in it.

"i'm just joking.." you said as toji finally looked away from you. he couldn't stop cursing mentally. he was lost in his thoughts and didn't feel you moving close to him and when you were about to place a hand on his shoulder, to simply get his attention, he suddenly held you by the wrist.

"toji, what's wrong?" you asked. he started gripping your wrist tightly and both of you were interrupted by the knock on the door.

"papa! lala wants to talk to you on the telephone!" megumi yelled as you look at the door but when you look back at toji, he suddenly leaned close to you, giving your lips a peck, as if it was to reassure you and suddenly he was at the door.

you were frozen in your spot as you watch him close the door, your hand flying to your lips and caress it and instead of an ache, your heart was beating with happiness.

-

it was one of those nights where toji couldn't sleep again. it happens when something is bugging his mind. he was staring at the ceiling with a deadpanned expression and your shifting caught his attention. both of you were surprised when both met each other's eyes.

it suddenly became awkward.

toji sat up from the bed as he leaned his back on the headboard. you stayed at your position as you stare at the ceiling. there are questions that wanted to be answered, but you think staying quiet would be the best option for now.

toji side glanced your figure, and there were space enough for another person to fit. has it always been like this? now toji is sure that it has been always like this.

toji doesn't know what to do as he continuously stare at you until you finally look at him. (his gaze was burning holes into you.)

there, you sat up from the bed too, doing what he did as you cleared your throat to ease some of the awkwardness that was around.

"can't sleep?" he asked.

"yeah, what about you?"

"can't sleep." you chuckled at his response as you bend your knees close to your chest. why is it starting to get cold?

"about the divorce-"

"i already told you that it was before.. i have no intention in pushing the divorce."

"why?" you asked and toji thinks he doesn't even know why. you were itching to know the reason when toji could've pushed through the divorce long ago.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you recalled those words you said last morning and to your side, it was clearly just a joke so you removed that as one of the reasons why.

"was it because you found out i was sick?"

"no." he felt embarrassed on how quick he disagreed with your question. "i mean-"

"hm, what could be the reason.." you mumbled as if you're talking to yourself and toji couldn't help but observe you.

"it's best if we sleep for now." toji said as you hummed in response and started tucking yourself at the duvet, facing the wall. you weren't even surprised when you felt him pull you close to his chest. it was as if you're expecting him to do that. and he really did and there, you faced him as you wrapped your arms around his figure with your face hiding on his chest. toji inhaled your shampoo as he sighed in satisfaction.

"will this help you to sleep?" you asked as you look up at him. toji looked down at you with that stupid smirk on his face.

"i could ask you the same question." he said as he chuckled when you went back to hide your face on his chest.

"it will." you whispered but toji surely heared it clearly.

"then that goes the same for me."

-

"mama loves to cuddle." megumi said as he looked at toji's plain expression. megumi copied his father's expression after looking away from him, continuing the assignment he was doing.

"that's all?" toji said as megumi scoffed at him.

"you asked me what mama likes the most!" megumi argued as he fully face his father. "that's the most, mama loves cuddles!"

"okay okay, stop yelling." toji said when he heard your footsteps approaching them.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he ran towards you to hug you.

"good morning, megumi." you said, looking at toji as you nod at him.

"morning." he said as megumi pulled you on the table at the living room, showing his little drawing to you and toji.

"what's that?" you asked as megumi smiled.

"this is mama," megumi said as he pointed at you. "this is papa and this is 'gumi."

oh. it was a family drawing. your heart started beating through your ears as you look at megumi.

"my teacher said our assignment is to draw a family!" megumi exclaimed excitedly as he faced you and toji.

family? could you even consider yourself as one of their family? megumi could've drawn his real mother, why did he have to-

your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand on your back. you looked back and saw toji looking at you, it was different, the way his eyes calmed you. you awkwardly smiled at him as he pulled you close to his side while placing his other hand on megumi's shoulder.

"what's this?" toji asked as he pointed at a drawing which is color white and black.

"it's my dream dog! i want white and black." megumi said. your heart was racing as you feel the warmth of toji's palm on your side.

"why is mama carrying a stick?" toji asked as megumi huffed.

"so she can beat you when you hurt her again." megumi said as you laugh, finally joining in their conversation.

"that's cruel, megumi. i couldn't hurt your papa." you didn't even feel when toji already removed his hand on your side as he watch you and megumi, a smile making its way on his face.

-

"there.." you said as you dropped the pencil at the table.

"wow!" megumi exclaimed as you revealed some changes in his drawing.

"what are you holding, mama?" megumi asked.

"roses, mama loves roses." you said as you pat megumi's head.

"oh okay! then 'gumi loves roses too." megumi said as he grinned at you.

"but there are many types of roses." you said as you fixed megumi's disheveled shirt.

"really? what's your favorite among them, mama? megumi asked.

"the purple one!" you said as megumi nods at you.

"why not red, mama? red is famous one right?"

"yes, but i love purple more. because it means love at first sight." you said as you bump megumi's nose with your pointer finger.

you watch him look to the side as you follow his line of sight. he was looking at his father. you forgot that toji was even there as you look away with embarrassment. clearing his throat, toji stood up from the couch as he brushed his hair with his fingers.

"i'm gonna prepare for work." he said before leaving as megumi watch his father disappeared from his sight.

"mama, is papa your love at first sight?" megumi asked when his father wasn't around anymore. you smiled as you recalled the very first day you laid your eyes on him.

"he is." you said with admiration in your tone. "did you know i met your papa when he was a kid?" you said.

"really? what's he like?!" megumi asked with excitement as he leaned close to you.

"hm, he's still the same.. but he saved me from bullies." you said as megumi kept quiet, wanting to know more. "i scraped my knee but i gave my band aid to him because his lips were bleeding."

"is that why papa have a scar?"

"i guess?" you said as you ruffled megumi's hair. "it's just a secret between us, okay?" you whispered as megumi nods at you.

unbeknownst to you, he heard everything you told megumi as he recalled that day where he first got the scar on his lip, that hello kitty band aid. so it was you, huh.

-

toji left after eating breakfast and it was past lunch when you heard a knock on your front door.

but you weren't expecting visitors, who could it be?

you were surprised when you're met with, no one. but there was a bouquet of purple roses on your doorsteps.

you picked it up as you read the note.

'this is for you, i hope you like it.'

you bit your bottom lip to suppress the smile but it couldn't be helped.

you inhaled the scent of the roses as you finally went inside the house.

-

"thank you for the roses, toji." night finally approached as toji looked up from his laptop and to you.

"what roses?" he asked as you look at him in disbelief.

"that- you, weren't you the one-" toji suddenly laughed as he closed his laptop.

"i'm just kidding." he said as you glared at him.

"not funny!" you said, almost embarrassed when you stammered with your words just a minute ago.

"did you like it?" toji asked as he started preparing the duvet.

as if it was already planned, you move close to him as he finally covered both of your bodies with the duvet. "i love it."

toji's arms automatically made its way to wrap securely around you.

"how's your check up with choso?" toji asked as he switched off the lamp.

"he recommended me another medicine."

"huh? why? i thought you're getting better?" toji asked as you silently laugh at him.

"yes i am, it was just a vitamin, i mean."

"ah, is that so?"

"mhm."

"sleepy already?" toji asked in a teasing tone and you only further hide your face on his chest. "goodnight." he mumbled.

"i love you, toji." you mumbled against his chest. "you can say it back when you're ready." you said as you look up at him and toji lightly smiled at you.

"i'm almost there.." he mumbled.

"i can still wait.." you said as you looked at him with glint in your eyes. toji let you kiss him on the lips before you went back on hiding your face. he chuckled as he pulled you closer with his hand behind your head.

it was a random night, a random song that was being played on the radio can be heard as you sit down on the couch of the living room. the lights were all closed, the street light outside being the only source of light inside your home.

toji wasn't home yet and megumi is already sleeping in his room.

your head almost fell on the couch when the click of the door woke you up.

toji sighed as he closed the door.

"i'm home." he muttered, but didn't expect to see you approaching him in the dark.

"welcome back." you greeted as you took his bag on his hand, guiding him on the living room.

"have you eaten?" you asked.

"ye-"

"let's eat together, i'm hungry!" you exclaimed as you held him by his hand, guiding him to the kitchen. well maybe eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt. toji thought.

"megumi?" he asked.

"already sleeping." you replied with an almost sleepy voice as toji sighed.

"you didn't have to wait for me." he said as he stand beside your almost sleeping form. "let's get you to bed." toji said and carried you in a bridal style.

"toji.. let's sleep." you said as he unbuttoned his almost tight polo.

"yeah, i'll just changed my clothes."

"hurryy."

"did you drink?" toji asked as he lied beside you.

"no."

"why are you being clingy?" he asked.

"miss you." you mumbled, wrapping your arms on his figure. "did you miss me?" you asked and toji couldn't help but smell you.

you didn't even smell like alcohol.

"i'm not drunk, i'm just sleepy." you said as if you just read his mind.

"alright."

"you didn't answer me yet."

"i did." he said as you squealed in happiness.

"okay, good night. i love you." you mumbled.

toji gaze softened as he pulled you close to his chest.

"good night." i love you too.

-

it was late at night again and toji was still not home. megumi was sent back home by a school bus last afternoon.

you haven't eaten yet. you were waiting for toji so both of you could eat dinner at the same time again and the door clicked as you stood up from the couch.

"i'm home." toji mumbled.

"welcome back!" you exclaimed.

if yesterday you were sleepy, today you have a lot of energy. you took the bag from toji's hand as you walked ahead, only to be pulled back when toji held your wrist, placing a kiss on your forehead as he loosened his tie.

it sure caught you off guard as toji walked past you as if nothing happened.

"well, have you eaten?" you asked, almost stuttering.

"yes." he responded and you mentally frowned.

"okayy." you said as you help him remove his blazer.

"what about you?" he asked, but before you could answer, your stomach growling did it for you. embarrassing.

"well, i guess eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt, right?" he said.

-

"hi, welcome back.." you slowly said as you took toji's bag in your hand.

"i'm home." he muttered, walking past you but suddenly he went back and give your forehead a kiss before removing his watch.

"bad day?" you asked, helping him remove his blazer.

"yeah, i think i couldn't eat dinner with you tonight." he said with a frown.

"it's fine! you go and rest." you said, giving him a smile of reassurance.

toji frowned once again when you made your way to the kitchen. you were humming a song but you were stopped when you saw toji sitting at his usual spot. you blinked twice at him as he sighed.

"well, i got hungry." he said, not looking at your way.

"okay! i'll re-heat some more then." you exclaimed with a smile and toji couldn't help but mirror it.

"thank you for the food."

-

another bad day.

you noticed it the moment toji entered the house with a slumped shoulders.

"welcome back." you greeted, doing the same routine.

"i'm home." he responded, hooking an arm around you before placing a kiss on your.. lips? "what's dinner for today?" he asked as he started unbuttoning his polo. "(name)? what's wrong?" he asked.

"w-well, i made your favorite." you stammered as you made your way infront of him, helping him remove his blazer.

toji made his way first at the kitchen, taking a mug from the cabinet and it caught your attention.

"coffee?" you asked as he nods and suddenly, you placed a hand on his back.

"take a seat. i'll make you one." you said.

"i can do it myself."

"just let me take care of this, okay? you're tired from work." you said, turning on your back to make him a black coffee when you suddenly felt his weight behind you.

"thank you." he mumbled before going back to sit and it made you proud of yourself.

-

"welcom-" you were cut off when toji harshly kissed you, his hand flying at the back of your head as he pushed you, until your body collided with a wall. "toji-" you mumbled through his kisses as you pat his shoulder. "can't breathe!" you said as he finally pulled away, with him leaning his forehead on yours as both of you catch your breaths.

"bad day again?" you asked but he only clicked his tongue, continuing his task on you, the food you made being forgotten as he carried you and made his way on the bedroom, and also not forgetting to lock the door.

-

thank goodness it was saturday today.

your whole body was aching and toji was out of sight as you sat up from the bed.

"mama?" megumi's voice can be heard at the door as he knocked three times before opening, only to see you on the ground. "mama!" megumi exclaimed as he approached you. "papa help!" megumi yelled as he struggled to help you stand up.

"megumi look out for the food in the kitchen." toji said as megumi followed what he was instructed.

"it hurts." you said as toji easily carried you, placing you back on the bed.

"guess i went rough last night." he mocked.

"shut up!"

-

"i'm home." toji said as he entered the house. you smiled as you approached him.

"not a bad day anymore?" you joked as he laughed, hooking a hand around you as he placed a kiss on your lips. you were used to it now.

"yeah." he replied as both of you did the usual routine.

after the dinner, you were quiet. it was unusual for you to be silent.

"toji-"

"what's wrong?" he asked, cutting you off. the night you both shared was 2 weeks ago, you were supposed to have your period 2 days ago but none came.

"i'm late." you said, starting to get stressed. "i'm scared, what if i ended up being pregnant-"

"then that's good. megumi will have a playmate. is it not?"

"but-"

"it's okay." he said, taking your hand on his and you were surprised when he removed the wedding ring on your finger, placing a new one. "wear this from now on." he said, placing a new ring with a rare design on it.

"thank you.. i love it but, why?"

"i want to get married again." he said, looking straight in your eyes.

"but we're already married." you said as you frowned.

"but for real this time." he said with a smile. "you know, before, i wasn't-" he paused, he couldn't say it but you already understood what he was saying.

"i understand." you said as you laughed.

"will you marry me again?" he asked and you couldn't contain the big smile that was on your face.

"i would love too!" you said as you embraced him, with him spinning you around.

"i love you (name).. thank you for staying with me and megumi. thank you for not giving up on us.. on me." he said and you couldn't help but tear up.

finally. it's finally happening.

"i love you too." you responded with a shaky voice as he wiped your tears with his thumb before finally connecting his lips with yours.

it was worth all the wait.

[hyunnie04]

somethin' stupid

"and then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you."

yang jeongin x reader, fluff | m.list

wc: 1.2k | happy birthday innie ♡

“i'm not really interested… i'm sorry.”

you watch jeongin as he rejects yet another girl. you feel sorry for her as she stands awkwardly in the middle of the quaint cafe, fiddling anxiously with the ends of her shirt.

thankfully, the establishment was relatively empty, save for a few people discretely listening in. she goes on to nod and ramble on further until she had noticed your presence.

"-oh, i didn't realize you have a partner. sorry." her eyes dart over towards you, blush wildly painting her cheeks. she was already gone by the time you could correct her, scuttling away and leaving a trail of gossip in her wake. jeongin watches her leave, pursing his lips.

"you could've let her down easily. the poor girl was shaking..." you voiced out, stirring your iced americano and watching the ice melt bit by bit.

jeongin sighs and takes his seat across from you, taking a sip out of his own cup. he brushes your comment off and starts to talk about a different topic altogether, returning to his smiley demeanor.

you knew how jeongin was. he didn't hesitate to say no whenever someone would just come up to him, asking for his number. it happens more often than not, professions of love seemingly happening out of no where.

you were also used to it, getting stopped so frequently whenever you went out with him. dozens of people that had tried to ask him out only ended in disappointment.

he was seemingly disinterested in things like love. the topic had always eluded him, if you didn't know him any better you could have said he was uncomfortable with the idea. but you didn't pry, he must have a pretty good reason. it was understandable too, his line of work didn't exactly allow it anyways.

despite this, you have admired him in silence ever since the beginning. the feelings that had festered inside of you were kept bottled up until they threatened to spill over. and they almost did, but friendship mattered more and shot down the idea before it could ruin everything.

admittedly, there are days where you just want to explode, to confess and just get it over with. you were a hundred percent positive it would end just the same for you. the preconceived notion of him not liking you in that way, you don't think you could handle it. thinking about being rejected so coldly sends shivers down your spine.

the iced americano that sits in your hands start to sting after a while, but you pay no mind to it. the firm grip you had on it reminds you, mulling over the interaction you had earlier as he rambles about another topic. little things like paying for your coffee and bringing you other small items even if it was his birthday had in short, confused you.

maybe you're misinterpreting and just imagining things. but the way jeongin is adamant that he pays for your order every single time, or the way his hand brushes against yours more often than not and how the warmth of them lingered, says otherwise.

you also notice how he didn't correct the girl's assumption about you two.

the wind dishevels his hair upon stepping out of the cafe, rays of sunlight peaking through the leaves start to dim in the afternoon. the two of you walk for a while, kicking pebbles and rocks in comfortable silence. your head is still occupied with thoughts of him.

another thought comes into your mind amidst the internal chaos, "i almost forgot! i still need to buy you a cake." it had completely slipped from your mind, forgetting why you agreed to go out in the first place.

"it's okay, really." he laughs as you tug him along the sidewalk. you need to do something else to distract your mind and fast. jeongin jogs beside you, keeping up with your pace. it seemed like you weren't taking no for an answer and stopped right in front of a pastry shop.

"is this what you were talking about?" he hums with a grin, leaning down to browse the lines and lines of delicious looking cakes displayed in the glass casing. you made no move to go in just yet, letting him choose silently. his hair, still disheveled and tousled from the wind yet ethereal all the same.

"what if i said i liked you?"

the abrupt stupid question escapes your mouth before you could catch it. his face slowly contorts into an expression, one you could not decipher right away upon hearing it. his back straightens up as keen eyes start to focus on you.

"j-just a hypothetical! i was just really curious because of earlier and it's not serious or-" you wave your hands in front as if to physically wave it off.

"-forget i said anything." you turn your head away, voice becoming tiny and unintelligible. you could feel his eyes burning holes into the side of your head. jeongin says nothing as the tip of your ears burn a bright crimson.

you've done it now, y/n.

"hey," he nudges your side with that eye-crinkling smile you've come accustomed to.

"did you ever wonder why i keep rejecting them?" jeongin now had his hands in his pockets, a small pout forming on his lips as he pops his own query to you, staring back at the glass casings.

you said nothing, unable to respond with a reply or conclusion that would most likely be accurate, you've already embarrassed yourself in front of him today.

jeongin flicks your forehead and scoffs, “that's because i like you, idiot.”

"it was always you." his eyes were downcast, looking everywhere but yours.

you have gone unresponsive at this point. incredulous eyes stared back at him as you feel your throat dry up. it was because of you? were you dreaming? you must be.

"w-what? really?" you say quite densely whilst rubbing the sore spot on your forehead. he laughs, finally turning to you. "yes, i'm serious."

the wind blows harder this time, removing the locks that obscured his beautifully dimpled face. jeongin's eyes are still trained on you with such longing that you don't recall ever seeing on him, ultimately reminding you that this was indeed real.

"you have no idea how long i've been waiting for you to say those words." you breathe out in relief, one that you weren't even aware of holding.

the proximity between you two sends electrifying shocks, the mere presence of each other is enough to fluster. "i like you too." the words finally make it out of your throat.

you two burst in abrupt laughter, the tip-toeing around the situation suddenly feeling silly. a mixture look of understanding, relief, and love is shared between you two, smiling like love sick fools.

jeongin starts to drag you away by your coat, mimicking how you did to him earlier. "ah! wait, but your cake..." you see the establishment grow smaller and smaller as he drags you away.

"we don't need to worry about that now."

"can i at least buy you a present?" you reply, picking up your feet and walking alongside him. he has a wide grin on his face as he presses a chaste kiss to your cheek. "got my present right here."

you mousily stop in your tracks as a deeper shade of crimson blooms across your face. the two of you walk side by side upon your recovery, pinky fingers now intertwined shyly around each other.

[willosword]

kit, jentry and the art of misunderstanding

this is basically just a really long post going over kit and jentry's interactions in eps 8 and 9 bc i've seen some people feel like their characterization took a sharp turn ("they made kit act like an incel", "they made jentry reject him just because he's a demon", etc), when i thought both their actions were perfectly understandable and a pretty natural evolution of their not-relationship. i think the key thing to remember when watching these scenes is that both characters have very different assumptions about the current status of their relationship, partly because they were never able to sit down and define it in the first place.

kit thinks he and jentry are functionally together, that any hesitation on jentry's part is the result of some fixable fault of his own, while jentry thinks they were never a thing to begin with, and especially not now after kit betrayed her trust.

so this is where the trouble really begins, tho i think even earlier in this conversation is when they started to be on different pages. up until this point, kit had been hoping she'd forgive him, and was taken aback when she said she wasn't looking for apologies. then she started reiterating her belief in his soul and relating to the feeling of being trapped with a life defined by someone else

jentry pov: even though i'm feeling deeply betrayed, kit doesn't deserve to be under anyone's thumb. we'll help each other out and then we'll part ways amicably. that'll make things right.

kit pov: hold up. 'make things right'? as in... make up? as in... a relationship is still on the table? :D

jentry pov: after the powers are gone there'll be nothing tying kit to me, and nothing tying either of us to mr cheng. he'll be free to move on and choose whatever new life he wants.

kit pov: she said 'you and me' like we're a pair! so she still wants to be with me after all :D we're reconnecting!!

so this is when kit starts getting possessive. there's definitely good old fashioned jealousy at play, but i also think kit was genuinely under the impression that he and jentry were reconnecting, and that jentry should have no reason to be interested in michael at this point.

back at school he's genuinely confused, because he has no idea jentry isn't into him anymore. he helped her get rid of the powers and made up with her, so now they should be back in business. he did the mum thing that's apparently a romantic gesture jentry likes, so shouldn't she be happy about it? look how thoughtful he's being!

jentry pov: ohhh shoot, he doesn't get that i don't wanna be with him anymore. i can't deal with any more stressful demon stuff......... how do i put this nicely...

kit pov: yep haha ^_^ no more powers, yay! it's like what you said back at my house! now that you don't have the powers nothing is getting in the way of our relationship anymore, like mr cheng and gugu's game. peace and love on planet earth <3

jentry pov: i need to let this dude down as GENTLY AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. i want to word this in a way that SCREAMS "you're an okay dude, just not what I personally want out of a relationship right now" because I know he has issues with his sense of identity. so i will focus on how the relationship itself can't be normal. this will hopefully take the brunt of rejection off him as an individual and lay the blame at the feet of unfortunate circumstances

kit pov: ohhhh so she WANTS to be in a relationship with me but i'm not acting normal enough

jentry pov: ok thank god. he gets that i don't want us to be together AND he took it gracefully.

kit pov: so she's saying we can be together... once i start acting more normal? that's slightly upsetting. but totally doable :)

jentry pov: i will now pursue michael since i've cleared things up with kit ^_^ yaaayyy

kit pov: what the hell??? i'm trying to be normal for her???? like she ASKED me to?? but now she's flirting with michael out of nowhere???

jentry pov: THIS CREEPY ASS DUDE KEEPS STALKING ME AFTER I TOLD HIM IM NOT INTERESTED

kit pov: i am doing Normal Displays of Normal Human Affection like she literally asked me to >:( ok well not literally but she INSINUATED

from his pov, she's not even giving him a chance to "correct" his behavior before she runs off with someone else, toying with his emotions. he's trying to "out-normal" michael to win her back, but it's frustrating and terrifying bc if there's one thing he Can Not handle it's rejection

jentry pov: this guy obviously can't take a gentle let-down, so I need to be more blunt about this. he stalked me, lied to me, tried to kill me. how can he NOT see why i don't want to be around him anymore? what the heck is his problem?? how much meaner do i need to be about this before he finally leaves me alone???

kit pov: ok, so the mask is coming off now. she said i was more human than i thought, that a soul is made up of the decisions you make, who you choose to be. but i didn't choose to be centuries old, i didn't choose to drain qi, those are all intrinsic parts of my demonic existence. was all that talk a lie? do i not have a soul after all? am i not human enough for her? was she just trying to spare my feelings this whole time?

jentry pov: he's so creepy and possessive, i hate this, why can't he just take no for an answer!!? (<- objectively true btw)

kit pov: she's avoiding the question, so she means 'yes' and is too proud to say it. she doesn't like me because i'm a demon, and if i was a normal human, we'd be together right now

so of course he gets so upset he punches the lockers. it's not extreme or out of character, he thinks everything jentry told him about his humanity was a lie. that there IS something inherently wrong with him that nothing but the acquisition of a soul could fix. that he's back to square one, that mr cheng was right, that no one could possibly love him in his natural state. that he is, inherently, down to his core, a monster.

but at least this time, he doesn't have to kill jentry to get what she he wants (because it was never really about her. he never prioritized her happiness. everything he did to change 'for' her was always about desperately maintaining the sense of human connection he craved)

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

Sorry if you've already covered this, but I was scrolling socials and saw that the San Antonio zoo got a large donation to expand their savanna habitat. The only thing that jarred me as I read through their expansion plans was apparently they're going to be outfitting some 'safari' vehicles so guests can be taken into the habitat to feed and interact with the animals (from within the vehicle). I was always under the impression that this kind of interaction wasn't necessarily good for either the humans or the animals-- is there a way it can be done ethically?? Anyway, I just thought it was interesting!

Ooo, okay, your question aligned with a thing I've been chewing on for a while, so let's talk ~ethics~ and ~philosophy~ aka this is gonna be a bit long. I do promise I'll answer your question, though!

The first thing I want to note is that you're really asking about two different things, which are almost always conflated these days when it comes to talking about animals: welfare (is the animal happy / healthy / safe) and ethics (is what's happening good / moral / acceptable). It's really important that we distinguish between the two, because welfare is an objective measure of physical and mental wellbeing, and ethics are a human construct that involves subjective interpretation.

A useful but highly oversimplified example of this is the bothering of cats for online videos. Pestering a cat to get a funny reaction once in a while may not impact their overall welfare. Welfare is the cumulative impact of an animal's experiences, which means that single acute moments may not weight heavily on the entire balance. If the cat is healthy, fed well, enriched, and has a good and positive bond with their humans, those momentary irritations for videos might not matter much. That doesn't mean that you or I, as viewers, might not still find bothering an animal for internet clout ethical. We can believe that humans shouldn't ever unnecessarily put their pet through negative experiences, and we can think that doing so just because it brings the human money or fame is distasteful. But! We have to recognize that as used in this example, those ethical stances aren't inherently tied to the animal's welfare state. Many people I know who dislike cat-bothering don't care if the animal has good welfare outside of that situation - they don't like that the situation occurs at all, ever.

So, back to your question. You're wanting to know if it's okay for a zoo to have a drive-through aspect of an exhibit where people get to feed the animals. You're asking if it's safe for the humans and for the animals (which is a welfare question) and if that type of interaction is ethical. I could just tell you that of course it's fine, San Antonio is an AZA zoo and their accreditation only allows them to do "good things" but that's now how it works here (nor is it the reality of accreditation).

The safety aspect is one I'm not worried about. It's actually a pretty common thing for reputable facilities to do some sort of vehicle tour in savanna habitats, whether in the guest's vehicle (safari parks) or on a hay-ride type vehicle (zoos). Many of those allow guests to feed out specific parts of their animals' diets. Offhand, I know Tampa and Fossil Rim both have feeding tours like this in a staff-driven vehicle. It's not specified from the zoo's press release, but I can guarantee you that guests will not be driving those vehicles - which means the interactions will be proctored by staff and what people are feeding out will be carefully regulated. The habitat is going to have rhino, giraffe, zebra, ostrich, and antelope/gazelle, and I'd guess that the drive-through is going to stick to those latter two and maybe additional species. Those are animals where a car is an appropriate safety barrier.

As to if it's ethical to do? It's spiny question, because it depends very directly on the ethical perspectives of the person you're asking. I think it's fine - you may not. Let's break down the different things that come into consideration on the ethical side, and my responses:

"The zoo is commercially exploiting animals by letting people pay to get closer." If the issue is that people paying to get closer to animals is using them for money, well, that's the business model of a zoo (non-profit or not, they still need revenue to operate). So IMHO it's not like it's "less ethical" than anything else the zoo is doing, using that framing.

"Zoo animals should be allowed to be wild and undisturbed by guests driving in their habitats." Zoo animals aren't wild, and their entire lives revolve around humans and the human work schedule. As long as a vehicle entering the habitat doesn't have a negative welfare impact (e.g. they're not scared of it), it's not very different from the rest of the routine of managed care.

"Feeding zoo animals will encourage people to try to feed wild animals." Thanks to obnoxiously viral content creators, people are going to try to feed wild animals no matter what. Doing it in a proctored situation where a staff member can try to do some education at the same time is probably the best possible scenario.

"People just do those tours to get close to cool animals." People are always going to want to touch the animals. If being able to pay for a tour keeps them from jumping the fence to try to pet a rhino, great.

There's one more that I want to talk about separately, because I think it's where a lot of confusion gets generated. It's this idea that "Humans shouldn't be interacting with animals at all, any interaction is unethical and bad for the animals." This is a welfare crossover, but not one actually informed by welfare science in a captive situation. And I think it's because the internet lacks nuance. Yes, it is absolutely correct to say that with wild animals, you should never ever try to feed a deer out of your car (or similar). It is incredibly harmful to those animals on both an acute and chronic timeline. But thanks to the rage-bait algorithms on social media and people endlessly justifying doing stupid, dangerous, bad things (and getting pushback for it), there's been a lot of bleed between the public's understanding of what wild animal welfare is and what captive animal welfare is. Combine that with the reality that captive animal welfare cannot be assessed or diagnosed from a single context-less clip, and that people with strong beliefs and no practical experience with the field/species/individual will pass judgement loudly to their audiences...

The result is almost a reflexive believe in many sectors of the internet that any human-animal interaction that isn't couched as a "rescue" is inherently unethical, for reasons people often can't articulate. Which is why, I think, so often people want to support certain aspects of captive animal management but feel guilty for doing so. I see this a lot in the questions the blogs gets, and I'm glad people feel comfortable asking, because it's important to think through not just the individual instances but the patterns leading us to question them.

So yes, I'd say that a staff-led experience in a vehicle chosen for safety is an ethical way to proctor an interaction between guests and certain savanna species. It will vary by facility - I'm always more wary about guests driving, although many drive-through safaris are fine - and by setup. I think what San Antonio is doing will be fine, though, and will be interested to see / hear about the setup when they start up.

If you've got a question about ethical captive management, I'm always happy to talk about it - but I'd invite you to poke around in your head a little and send me not just your question in the ask, but your thinking about why or why not something might be concerning. It's great practice for understanding why you relate to animal ethics the way you do, and where those beliefs come from.

[louiseolivier]

08x06 Delulu

Tevan are at the Italian restaurant. The Hot Waiter flirts with Buck. Buck's kinda oblivious. He unintentionally flirts back. Buck pays this time, and inside the folder with his card and receipt is Hot Waiter's phone number. Buck is a little weirded out because he feels like it's obvious he and Tommy are on a date.

For the most part, Tommy watches Buck and Hot Waiter's interaction in amusement. He jokes whether Buck is he's going to call him, and Buck is taken aback. Then Tommy gets serious.

"We haven't really talked about the kind of relationship you want."

Buck's confused. "What does that mean?"

"Just that there's more than one way to be in a relationship. I've been in a couple that were open."

"Open?"

"We were allowed to sleep with other people."

"I know what it means, Tommy. Is that what you want?"

"I want you to be happy. I want you to know I'm amenable to that if you're interested. Truth be told, Evan, the most important thing is that you're in my life, whether we’re together or not. 

Suddenly, the Ironside siren goes off in Buck’s head, and he’s spiraling.  

Tommy clasps his hand and looks at him like he’s the goddamn sun, moon, and stars. “Think about it. It’s not like it’s something you have to decide today.”

Cue Buck, going to Bobby. “I don’t know what to tell you, Buck, but I’ve seen you two together. I don’t think breaking up is something Tommy is even thinking about. The other stuff...you should talk to Tommy. Be upfront. Be honest. 

Cue Buck, going to Maddie. “Buck, he kissed you while you were still covered in boils. I saw that with my own eyes and wished I hadn’t. I don’t want to put words in his mouth, but he does seem very committed to you. And to be perfectly honest, the open relationship doesn’t sound like something he’d suggest out of thin air. Maybe you said something...”

“You’re blaming me? Come on, Maddie! You know damn well that’s not how I roll. I slept around, yeah, but not while I was in a relationship - and don’t you dare bring up Taylor! Besides, an agreed upon “open” means consensual. I just - how did I miss that this was something he was interested in? Why would he wait six months to bring it up?”

A sound of disgust emanates from the corner of the call center's breakroom, and the Buckley siblings' heads swivel to its location. Josh is sitting at a table, sipping his coffee and rolling his eyes. “You sweet naive baby bi.” He gets up from his chair, sidles up to Buck, and eyes the donuts he brought for Maddie. “I don’t suppose there's a Bavarian cream in there?”

“There’s a jelly,” Buck says. 

“But jellies are my favorite,” Maddie complains. 

“Too bad. I’m about to help your chaotic brother out, so I deserve it.” Josh bites into the donut and gives an appreciative moan. “Oh god, I haven’t had refined sugar in three days. How I missed you.”

“Back to me, please,” Buck says with a whine.

“Look, it’s pretty simple. There are only two types of guys who want to open up a relationship after the six-month mark. Assholes carrying multiple red flags or..”

“Tommy’s not an asshole,” Buck tells him firmly. 

“Considering he’d whittle a rocking chair if you asked him to, I’d agree. Buck, my guess is he’s scared. He's worried that if he doesn't give you a free pass, that you'll get bored with him and leave.”

“That’s so stupid,” Buck cries in dismay. 

Maddie lays a supportive hand on his bicep. 

“It is,” Josh agrees. “But just because your man is a solid L.A. nine doesn’t mean he’s not carrying around a lot of insecurities. Talk to him. Tell him. And hey, if it all blows up on you, send him my way. I’d love to be that man’s shoulder to cry on.”

Buck shows up at Tommy’s door. Tommy is supposed to come to his after finishing his laundry, but Buck doesn’t want to wait that long. “Hey,” Tommy greets him with that scrunchy smile Buck loves so much. 

“I don’t want to have sex with anyone else,” Buck tells him as he barges through the door. 

“Oh-kay,” Tommy says, closing the door behind Buck. 

“Do you want to have sex with other men?”

Tommy crosses his arms, and his head tilts towards the ground. “No. I’ve come to learn that’s not an ideal situation for me.”

Buck scoffs. “Then why suggest it?”

The buzzer on the washer goes off, and Tommy moves towards it to switch out the load. “I don’t know. I’m pretty used to you flirting with everyone.”

“You think I flirt?” 

“Evan, you told the waiter you liked his chinos while eyeing his ass. Most of the time, I think it’s cute how you rile people up without realizing it, but then I have a thought like, what if Hot Waiter would be a better match for you? So I panicked and threw out that suggestion.” 

“Jesus, Tommy. For the past six months, my brain has been consumed by nothing but you. Yet you think I can be swayed by some guy in a comfortable pair of pants? I only want you.”

“I know. I do. You prove that to me every day. I didn’t suggest it because I don’t trust you.” Tommy tosses one of Buck’s hoodies into the dryer and starts it. He can’t keep eye contact with Buck for more than a few seconds, and he looks paler than when Buck first arrived. Tommy’s also picking his middle fingernail with his thumb, and that’s Tommy’s tell that he’s feeling overwhelmed. “Uh, so like, I’m in this for the long haul. I think you’re it for me, Evan, and I don’t want you to ever feel like you’ve settled or...”

“I love you,” Buck tells him with a certainty he doesn’t think he felt even eight hours ago, but it’s the god’s honest truth. “Just seeing you makes me feel so full I could combust. ”

Tommy’s eyes are glossy and he blinks rapidly to keep the tears at bay. He finally locks eyes with Buck. “Loving you has been living in the back of my mind since...I honestly don’t know how long. I’ve been trying to temper my expectations because I haven’t been super successful in relationships. But then you started leaving clothes here, and suddenly you’ve infiltrated my life like no one else has been willing to. Next thing I know, I’m at a funeral for a long dead cowboy. I watched you embrace the memory of a forgotten man, and I realized I couldn’t love you more, Evan. Boils and all.”

Aaaaand that’s it. I’m tapped out.

[4milly]

make it to morning • jimmy u. 1

gif credit @punksrhea.

the tales of 2 roommates, and 1 man.

warning: unprotected sex, possessiveness, cheating, fingering, drunk sex, sex tapes, secret-relationships, pillow talk, oral sex (both m and f receiving), sneaky links, exhibitionism, manipulation, (warnings will update as story progresses)

parings: trinity x jimmy uso x malasia (black!oc) (no one is married in this story!)

inspired by @msbigredmachine !!! <3 for this amazing marvelous piece here xoxo ❤️

the music pumped through malasia's body. that mixed with endless counts of reposado shots? wasn't going to end well. she could feel the room beginning to turn. people jumping up and down all over the place, screaming out sexyy red's lyrics, the heat from the club. it was all damn near suffocating

if i don't get out this bitch, i'm going to fucking faint.

"girl, you good?" trinity yelled out above the music, and slightly less drunker than her.

"yea! i-i just need some air." she stumbled out of the section towards the outside. unaware, of trinity behind her.

trinity and malasia were far from best friends. or even friends. it was trinity's birthday, and wanting to be kind, she invited out malasia.

that was their relationship: practical, transactional. their paths rarely crossed in the apartment—trinity worked nights at a high-end restaurant on ocean drive, while malasia designed websites from their tiny dining room table.

they'd established silent routines: trinity made coffee before bed that malasia would reheat in the morning; malasia would wash any dishes before trinity woke up at noon.

the ad had been simple enough: "roommate needed. 2bed/2bath. south beach. $1100/month + utilities." malasia had responded within minutes of seeing it pop up on craigslist, desperate after her ex-boyfriend had decided their five-year relationship wasn't worth continuing—or helping with rent. she'd attached a brief bio, mentioned she was clean, employed remotely, and needed immediate housing. trinity had responded with equal brevity: "apartment tour thursday. 6pm. don't be late."

they'd spent exactly forty-seven minutes together before trinity handed over a key and a list of house rules. rule #7: "don't expect us to be friends."

"you feeling better?" trinity asked now, leaning against the railing. her birthday crown sat crooked on her braids, catching the neon lights from the club sign.

"yeah. just… went too hard." malasia took a long sip of water. "you didn't have to follow me out here."

"i didn't expect you to invite me tonight," malasia admitted, the tequila still loosening her tongue despite the fresh air.

trinity shrugged, "seemed rude not to. we've been living together for almost a month."

"living together" was a generous description for two people who existed in carefully orchestrated shifts to avoid meaningful interaction. malasia had moved to florida for a fresh start—new city, new people,

new malasia.

but so far, her fresh start consisted of zoom calls, takeout for one, and the occasional awkward nod to trinity in their shared hallway...

"well, h-happy birthday," malasia slurred and offered lamely, suddenly aware of how disheveled she must've looked.

trinity studied her for a moment, her expression unreadable in the dim light. "you know, you're nothing like my last roommate."

who? before malasia could ask, even though she could've cared less, jimmy and jey, jimmy's twin brother, busted outside, "damn, there y'all ass is. y'all wasn't gone say yall left out?" jimmy's voice boomed

"we just needed some air," trinity said, straightening her crown and immediately gravitating toward jimmy. his arm snaked around her waist possessively, but malasia couldn't help noticing how his eyes lingered on her—a fraction too long, a shade too...interested.

"you good, asia?" jimmy asked, his voice dropping an octave lower than when he'd addressed trinity. "looking a little unsteady on them heels."

"i'm fine," malasia managed, though the world still tilted slightly beneath her feet.

the tequila was playing tricks with her equilibrium, but she wasn't so drunk that she couldn't recognize the appreciative way jimmy's gaze traveled from her face down to her silver mini dress and back up again

jey cleared his throat. "yo, trin, that dj just announced they doing birthday shoutouts. you might wanna get back in there."

trinity's face lit up. "for real? hell yeah!" she tugged at jimmy's arm. "baby, come on."

but jimmy was still looking at malasia, that slow, deliberate smile spreading across his face—the same smile she'd seen three days ago when he'd "accidentally" brushed against her in the kitchen, his hand grazing the small of her back as he reached for a glass in the cabinet above her head. when he'd comment on her workout clothes as she passed through the living room.

"what about your roomie?" he asked, thumb brushing trinity's hip bone while his eyes remained fixed on malasia. "she don't look too good."

malasia swallowed hard. the way jimmy looked at her made her skin prickle with a confusing mixture of discomfort and something she refused to name. this was trinity's man—trinity who might not be her friend but who had still invited her tonight, who made coffee she could reheat, who had given her a place to live when she'd had nowhere else to go.

"nah—nah, i'm cool. i'm gonna just head back home." malasia had redirected the conversation back to trinity

trinity hesitated, clearly torn between her birthday spotlight inside and the roommate code she pretended not to care about. "you sure? we could all bounce if you're—"

"nah, baby, it's yo night," jimmy cut in, his voice smooth as butter. "i'll take her home. jey can stay with you, make sure you get all 'em birthday shoutouts."

"no no no," malasia quickly started, "i can call an uber or something. you should stay."

"it's cool," jimmy continued, already pulling his keys from his pocket. "i'll come right back. twenty minutes, tops."

malasia hesitated, her mind a fog of tequila and uncertainty. trinity's eyes narrowed slightly, but the pull of birthday attention was stronger than whatever suspicion flickered across her features.

"fine," trinity finally agreed. "but come right back, jimmy. it's my night." she pressed a quick kiss to his lips, her crown tilting precariously.

malasia gave trinity a small smile—part gratitude, part guilt—as jimmy's hand found the small of her back, guiding her toward the parking lot. she could feel the heat of his palm through the thin fabric of her dress, his fingers splayed wider than necessary.

"this way," jimmy said, his voice close to her ear. the parking lot was a maze of luxury cars and valet attendants rushing between them. jimmy's matte black g-wagon sat in a reserved spot near the entrance, gleaming under the streetlights like some predatory animal

he reached around her to open the passenger door, his chest pressing against her back for a moment longer than required. the leather seat was cool against her bare thighs as she slid in, suddenly aware of how high her silver mini dress had risen. she tugged at the hem, but the metallic fabric refused to cooperate, clinging to her skin.

jimmy walked around to the driver's side, his eyes never leaving her as he slid behind the wheel. the interior smelled of expensive cologne and new leather. he started the engine but didn't put the car in drive, instead turning toward her, one arm draped casually over the steering wheel.

"you good, ma? " his eyes traveled slowly from her face down to where her dress had ridden up again, exposing the smooth expanse of her thighs. "that dress straight fire on you."

malasia shifted uncomfortably. "thanks. can we just—i really need to get home."

he finally put the car in reverse, backing out of the space with one hand on the wheel, the other resting dangerously close to her knee. the music came on automatically—something slow and explicit that made the already small space feel even more intimate.

"you gotta man?" jimmy asked as they pulled onto the main road, the club's neon lights fading behind them. his question hung in the air between them, heavier than it had any right to be.

"no," she answered, then immediately regretted it. "i mean—i'm not looking for one either."

jimmy chuckled, a low sound that seemed to reverberate through the luxury car's interior. "everybody looking for something, asia." the way he said her nickname—drawing out the syllables—made her skin prickle, "good as you look? somebody fucked up."

at a red light, his eyes drifted to her legs again. "where's your dress from? it's cute, ma." his eyes flicked down to her thighs, his fingers tapped against the leather steering wheel in rhythm with the bass-heavy music.

"some boutique on lincoln road," she mumbled, tugging at the hem again. the dress had seemed perfect when she'd tried it on—sexy but not too revealing. now it felt like shrink wrap under jimmy's gaze.

"you must be making good money with them websites trinity says you design."

the mention of trinity's name sent a flush of guilt across malasia's face. trinity might have been just a roommate. but there was something about the way jimmy's eyes kept finding her in the dark that felt like a violation of something unspoken, something that existed beyond friendship. a roommate code. something.

trinity, who had invited her out tonight when she could have left her sitting alone in their apartment. trinity, who despite their careful dance of avoidance, had never been unkind.

"you quiet, ma," jimmy said, his voice cutting through her thoughts. "that tequila got you in yo feelin's or what?"

"just tired," she lied, pressing herself closer to the door.

her phone buzzed in her clutch. a text from her friend jade back in chicago: "how's the birthday party? meet any cute miami guys yet?" the irony made her stomach churn. or maybe that was the tequila. either way, she left the message unanswered, the blue light of her screen illuminating her guilty expression before she clicked it off.

they turned onto her street, the familiar row of low-rise apartment buildings coming into view. malasia had thought this place beautiful when she'd first arrived.

"i should go," malasia said, fumbling for the door handle. "thanks for the ride."

jimmy's laugh was low, teasingly. "damn, ma. i'm just being friendly. trinity told me you ain't got no friends down here yet."

boy, just go the fuck back to the club.

the observation stung with its accuracy. malasia had spent most of her first month in miami hunched over her laptop, building websites for clients who existed only as email addresses and zoom rectangles.

"i really need to go in," malasia repeated, reaching again for the door handle. this time jimmy pressed the unlock button, the doors clicking open.

she pushed the door open, grateful for the rush of humid night air that hit her face. standing proved more difficult than anticipated; the tequila had settled into her legs, turning them to rubber. her silver heels—borrowed from trinity, she realized with another stab of guilt—wobbled beneath her. the sidewalk tilted dangerously.

before she could stop herself, malasia stumbled, ankle twisting. she braced for impact with the concrete, but instead felt strong hands wrap around her waist, steadying her.

"i gotchu, ma. c'mon." jimmy's voice was close to her ear, his breath warm against her neck. his hands were firm on her waist, thumbs brushing against the exposed skin where her dress had ridden up. "let's get you inside, ight?"

malasia steadied herself, painfully aware of how their bodies fit together, of how trinity would see this if she were here. something about the way jimmy held her felt like a betrayal anyway.

"i can walk," she mumbled, pulling away slightly. but jimmy kept one arm firmly around her waist as they made their way to the building's entrance.

"this yo key?" he asked, plucking her clutch from her hands before she could protest. his fingers brushed against hers, the contact sending an unwelcome spark up her arm.

she watched as he rummaged through her things, finding her keys with unnecessary thoroughness. the elevator ride was seventeen seconds of exquisite torture. jimmy stood too close, his cologne filling the small space.

the apartment door clicked open under her key, the familiar darkness greeting malasia like an accomplice. the silence felt heavy compared to the pounding bass they'd left behind at the club.

"just need to get to my room," malasia said, attempting to disentangle herself from jimmy's grasp, but his arm remained firm around her waist.

"let me help you, ma. them shoes 'bout to be the death of yo ass."

finally breaking free of his hold. she kicked off trinity's silver heels, leaving them haphazardly by the door.

malasia made her way to the kitchen, desperate for water, for distance, for sobriety. the clock on the microwave read 1:37 AM—the green digits swimming before her eyes. she reached for a glass, her fingers trembling slightly.

"let me help you with that, ma." jimmy was suddenly behind her, his chest pressed against her back as he reached around her for the glass. his other hand settled on her hip, fingers splaying wide against the metallic fabric of her dress.

"i got it," she insisted, sliding sideways out of his grasp. "you should get back to trinity. her birthday and all."

jimmy leaned against the counter, watching her fill the glass with water.

"what's the rush? trinity got her whole squad there, her brother too. she cool." he stepped closer, taking the glass from her hand and setting it on the counter. "besides, i told her i'd make sure you got home safe. that's what i'm doing."

malasia took a step back. "well, i'm home now. safe and sound."

"you still looking wobbly to me." jimmy's voice dropped lower, feeling her out "might need to make sure you don't fall and hurt yourself."

"i'm good," she insisted, reaching for her water again. "really. you can tell trinity i made it fine."

jimmy chuckled, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. "you nervous, asia? don't be like that." his fingers brushed against her hand, attempting to grab it. "we both grown. ain't nothing wrong with two adults getting to know each other better."

"you should go, jimmy." she said, but the words lacked conviction. she knew it. she felt it/

"lemme ask you some, asia." jimmy replied, moving closer.

malasia gripped the counter behind her, the cool granite pressing into her lower back. the kitchen suddenly felt impossibly small, "trinity's your girl. she's back up the club and you need to leave and go back there."

"trinity's my girl, yeah." jimmy nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. "but that don't mean i can't appreciate what's standing right in front of me. do it?" his gaze traveled the length of her body, lingering on the curves the silver dress accentuated. "them little ass gym shorts? this little ass dress you got on...i peeped the way you kept tryna see if i was watchin'. you thought you was slick?"

malasia shook her head, trying to clear the fog of tequila and desire that clouded her judgment. she had to admit. when she first met jimmy, she couldn't deny he was sex on legs. but she buried those thoughts so deep out of respect for trinity.

"trinity—" malasia managed to whisper, but even her roommate's name sounded weak on her lips, a feeble protest against the tide rising between them.

"trinity ain't gotta know," jimmy murmured, his breath warm against her face. he was intoxicating in ways the liquor couldn't touch. "this just between us. just tonight."

she became aware at the touch of jimmy's hand coasting towards upwards. the dress slightly moving upwards bunching up on her waist. asia closed her eyes and leaned against his shoulder.

she'd been rushing to get ready and grabbed the dress at the last minute. it had a built-in slip that made underwear lines show, and she'd made a split-second decision that seemed harmless—

his foot kicked hers outwards, so his hand could drift between her thighs. she let out a small gasp as his hand covered her slicked pussy.

"that's why you was so careful sitting down," he murmured, his lips now close to her ear. "why you kept pulling at this dress all night."

she let out a small whimper, as his fingers circled over her clit. her body responded to his touch like an instrument perfectly tuned to his hands, each brush of his fingers drawing forth reactions she couldn't suppress.

"look at chu'" he whispered pressing kisses onto her neck, "soaking my fingers, while my girls out celebrating her birthday."

the mention of trinity should have been cold water, should have snapped her back to reality. instead, it added a forbidden edge that only heightened her response. jimmy's fingers circled her most sensitive spot, drawing forth a gasp she couldn't contain.

"jimmy," she whispered, her voice barely audible above the sound of their breathing. "we shouldn't—"

we should.

"but we are, mama," he replied, his voice husky with want. he withdrew his fingers, bringing them to his lips and tasting her essence, "goddamn, you taste good as you look. c'mere."

before she could protest further, jimmy bent slightly, wrapping his strong arms around her thighs and lifting her effortlessly. instinctively, her legs wrapped around his waist, the silver dress bunching completely at her hips now, exposing her to the cool air of the apartment and the heat of his body.

"which room is yours?" he asked, his eyes locked on hers, challenging her to stop this, knowing she wouldn't.

malasia hesitated, her last thread of resistance fraying dangerously. "second door on the right," she finally panted, the words feeling like both surrender and victory.

his hands gripped her ass, fingers digging into her flesh with a possessiveness that made her whimper into his mouth; his kisses where deep and consuming.

just like him.

her heart hammered against her ribs with anticipation, as he laid her down on the edge of the bed. her ass nearly just dangling off the edge. her silver dress now nothing more than a metallic band around her waist.

"tell me you whatchu want, mama." he demanded, his voice low and commanding as he unbuckled his belt. the sound of metal clinking sent a shiver down her spine. "say it loud. it's just us."

malasia swallowed hard, caught between desire and the image of trinity that floated at the edges of her consciousness.

trinity in her birthday crown. trinity who had invited her out tonight. trinity whose boyfriend was now standing between her spread legs.

jimmy leaned down, his weight pressing her into the mattress as he captured her mouth in another searing kiss.

when he pushed his pants down his hips, her breath caught audibly. he was magnificent—thick and long, already fully hard. pride gleamed in his eyes at her reaction, at the way her lips parted involuntarily.

he lowered himself between her thighs again, but instead of entering her, he took his length in his hand and began to slide it through her wetness. the sensation sent electric currents racing up her spine—the hot, hard length of him gliding against her pussy, coating himself in her arousal but never pushing inside.

she let out a loud moan, as the base of his dick rubbed against her clit. "fuck," she gasped, her hips rising instinctively to increase the pressure.

"ask me nicely, baby. tell me whatchu want me do, asia." he panted in her ear, pressing hot kisses against her collar bone.

trinity was a thought long gone. the guilt still present in her stomach was intense. she wanted to be rid of it. and jimmy. but how could she when he was laying on top of her about to stretch her right around his dick.

"please.." she finally managed, and regretfully. the words were barely audible.

"please what? hm? what is it?" jimmy pressed further onto her pussy,

"fuck! jimmy, fuck me! oh god—" she let out a gasp as jimmy slid all the way home, burying himself inside, his thick length stretching her in ways that made tears appear at the corner of her eyes. malasia arched beneath him, her body stretching to accommodate his size.

"goddamn," he hissed through clenched teeth, "you tight as fuck."

he established a rhythm that had her clutching at his shoulders, nails digging crescents into his skin.

each thrust drove her further up the bed until he wrapped his arms around her waist in a bearhug, pulling her back to the edge, keeping her exactly where he wanted her. his muscular forearms flexed beneath her, holding her in place as he drove into her relentlessly.

"that's right, mama. just lay back. you taking this dick so good, asia. so. fucking. good." each word was punctuated with a thrust that hit something deep inside her, something that made her curl her toes and arch her back.

her fingers tangled in his close-cropped hair, nails scraping against his scalp as she held on for dear life.

"jimmy," she gasped, as he hit a spot deep inside that made stars burst behind her eyelids. "oh my god—"

he shifted his grip, large hands sliding down to cup her ass, fingers digging into the thick soft flesh as he used the leverage to drive deeper into her pussy. obscene sounds of their sexing bouncing off the walls, sounded like a song.

it would go diamond if you heard it.

the silver dress was bunched uncomfortably between them now, the metallic fabric scratching against her sensitized skin. jimmy reached down, yanking it over her head in one fluid motion, tossing it carelessly to the floor. her breasts spilled free, nipples hardening instantly in the cool air of the room.

he moved his hands under her knees to push them against the bed. his eyes glued to the image of his dick pressed into her pussy.

she felt a fire building inside her belly. she should've pushed him away. make him go. but the adrenaline pumping in her veins made her lay back and moan his name.

"we shouldn't—" she tried again. wanting to convince herself this was wong...it was wrong. but her protest dissolved into a moan as he circled his hips, grinding against her in a way that made her thighs tremble.

"the way this pussy gripping me? lookin like you dont ever want me leave." he growled, tightening his grip on her ass.

malasia's head fell back, exposing her throat to his hungry mouth. he took advantage immediately, sucking at the sensitive skin beneath her jaw, surely leaving marks she'd have to hide tomorrow. the thought of trinity seeing them sent another conflicted wave of guilt and arousal through her.

jimmy must have seen the flicker of guilt cross her face because he leaned down, capturing her lips in a bruising kiss that drove all thoughts from her mind. he wrapped his arms around her in a tight bear hug, lifting her slightly off the bed. her breasts pressed against the hard plane of his clothed chest.

"don't think about her," he commanded against her mouth. "think about how good you feelin'."

to emphasize his point, he drove into her harder, deeper, the new angle making her cry out. her arms wound around his neck, fingers tangling in his close-cropped hair, holding on as he pounded into her. the room filled with the obscene sounds of skin slapping against skin, of her wetness accepting him over and over.

malasia couldn't form words, could only respond with desperate moans as pleasure built inside her. jimmy's hands slid down to cup her ass, fingers digging into the soft flesh, controlling her movements, forcing her to take every inch of him.

"this what you been needing, ain't it?" he panted, voice rough with exertion. "this why you been walking around half-naked. wanting me to see you. wanting me to fuck you just like this?"

"jimmy, i can't—i'm gonna—" her words faltered as pressure built low in her belly, a tightening coil of sensation threatening to snap. her pussy latching onto him like a deathtrap wetting him up

"hah, not yet," he commanded, suddenly slowing his pace to torturous, deliberate strokes. "look at me first. i wanna see your face when you cum on my dick."

she forced her heavy lids open, meeting his intense gaze. the raw desire she saw there nearly undid her—how long had it been since anyone had looked at her that way? like she was something to be devoured, something precious and rare?

"that's it. you feel that ma? wanna feel every inch of this pussy." he held himself above her now, arms braced on either side of her head, watching her face with an intensity that made her feel both seen and exposed.

malasia whimpered, her body trembling beneath him as he withdrew almost completely before sinking back in with excruciating slowness. the drag of him against her walls sent sparks shooting up her spine, each nerve ending screaming for more, faster, harder—but jimmy maintained that devastating pace, a half-smile playing at the corners of his mouth as he watched her squirm.

"touch y'self for me, baby. give her some attention. she deserves it."

she hesitated. a fleeting moment of shyness washing over her despite their current position. no one had ever asked her to do this—to participate in her own pleasure so explicitly, so visibly.

"don't get shy on me now, ma," he coaxed, his free hand guiding hers downward. "show me how you like it."

her fingers trembled as they slipped between their bodies, finding the slick swollen bundle of nerves where they were joined. the first circle of her fingertips made her gasp, electricity shooting up her spine. jimmy watched, transfixed, as she began to touch herself—hesitant at first, then with growing confidence as pleasure mounted.

"that's it," he encouraged, his voice dropping to a husky murmur. "just like that."

the dual sensation was overwhelming—his thick length stretching her while her own touch built a different kind of pressure. her eyes stayed locked to his, as her mouth formed an O shape. tears began to spill from her eyes as her thighs started to shake.

"whose making you feel this good? hm? whose fuckin you right now? you mines, aintchu?"

the possessiveness in his voice should have repelled her. instead, it sent a fresh wave of heat coursing through her veins, pooling low in her belly where he was buried deep inside her.

"you," she cried out, her nails digging crescents into his shoulders. "you are."

"nah. that ain't enough," slowing his pace to torturous, deliberate strokes that made her squirm beneath him. he slapped her hand away to rub her clit fiercely, "whose pussy is this?"

"it's yours," she sobbed, the guilty admission flooding her center, "'i'm yours, jimmy. please—i need to cum. please, please let me cum."

"that's right," his hips continues their merciless assault on her pussy, until she started to babble incoherently, "lemme feel it, baby. go ahead, pretty girl."

a triumphant smile spread across his face, predatory and satisfied. the pressure in her belly finally snapped in violent waves, flooding jimmy with her arousal. her muscled clenching as jimmy continued his relentless pace.

her vision blurred, pleasure radiating outward from her core in concentric circles that made her toes curl and her fingers twist in the sheets. she heard herself crying out—desperate, broken sounds she barely recognized as her own. her thighs quivered uncontrollably, her inner walls gripping him with each pulse of her release.

"fuck," Jimmy hissed, his rhythm faltering as her body squeezed him. "you feel so fucking good when you cum."

with a final, brutal thrust, jimmy buried himself to the hilt and let go. his rhythm faltering as her body milked him. his body went rigid above her, muscles tensing as he spilled himself inside her with a groan that seemed to emanate from the depths of his soul. she could feel each pulse of his release, hot and thick, filling her completely.

for several heartbeats, there was only the sound of their ragged breathing, the distant hum of the air conditioner, and the faint ticking of the clock on her nightstand. reality hovered at the edges of her consciousness, waiting to crash in.

and then it did.

the clock—3:27 AM. almost an hour and 30 minutes had passed. the tears came without warning, hot and shameful as they slid down her temples into her hair. jimmy lifted himself onto his elbows, looking down at her with an expression that shifted from post-coital satisfaction to something harder, more calculating.

"hey, hey," he whispered, brushing a tear away with his thumb. "c'mon. none of that. you aight, ok? we aight. relax, baby."

"oh god! what did i do, oh my god." malasia cried out into the air. his causal dismissal of her distress only made her tears flow faster, sobs echoing around the room before her hand could catch them.

"shh, these walls thin as hell," jimmy whispered, pressing a hand against her lips. His eyes, so full of desire moments ago, now held something else—more, "don't cry, ma. i gotchu, yea? you felt good? don't cry over some that felt good, ight?"

malasia's tears continued to flow silently beneath his palm. her chest heaved with the effort of containing her sobs, guilt and shame swirling together. jimmy removed his hand slowly, watching her carefully to ensure she wouldn't start wailing again.

she turned her face away, shame burning through her chest. "trinity—"

"don't think about that right now," jimmy interrupted, gently turning her face back toward him. his thumb traced the outline of her bottom lip. "just think about how nice it felt. how perfect we fit t'gether."

his words washed over her like a balm, soothing the ragged edges of her conscience. she wanted to believe him—that this hadn't been just a terrible mistake, a betrayal born from loneliness.

he withdrew from her body with careful movements, and she winced at the sudden emptiness, at the warm trickle of their combined fluids running down her thighs and onto the edge of her comforter.

"don't move," he stated before fixing himself up. she watched through tear-blurred vision as he tucked himself back into his pants and fixed his shirt. he turned to leave the room—more than likely to the bathroom.

jimmy returned with a warm, damp washcloth, kneeling beside the bed. he leaned down to flick his tongue inside her mouth, tasting her one last time, as the towel swiped against her tendered area. he cleaned their combined release from her inner thighs, from between her folds, his touch clinical yet somehow special.

jimmy's movements were practiced—too practiced, a distant part of her mind noted.

"lift up," he murmured, helping her sit upright on the edge of the bed. he moved off the bed towards her closet with a casual confidence; he knew she wouldn't question him or...this anymore.

at least for tonight.

he picked out a plain oversized shirt and a pair of panties to dress her in. he returned to her, bunching the fabric in his hands before easing it over her head. he guided her arms through the sleeves with surprising tenderness. the shirt fell to mid-thigh, covering her nakedness but not the memory of what they'd done.

he lifted one ankle, then the other, sliding the underwear over her feet, then up her calves, her knees. his fingers brushed against the tender skin of her inner thighs as he pulled the fabric higher.

"lift," he said again, and she raised her hips, allowing him to settle the cotton against her still-sensitive flesh.

when he finished, he remained kneeling between her legs, looking up at her with an expression she couldn't decipher. his hands rested on her knees, thumbs tracing small circles on her skin.

"you good?" he asked, his voice a low rumble in the quiet room.

malasia nodded, though she was anything but good. her body hummed with satisfied pleasure while her mind screamed with regret.

"lemme getchu' some water," jimmy said, rising from his position between her knees.

she watched him move through her darkened bedroom with the confidence of someone who belonged there—not a visitor, not an intruder, but someone claiming space.

when he returned, he cradled the back of her head like she was something fragile, something precious, as he held the glass to her lips. the water was cool against her throat, washing away the taste of tequila and regret. his thumb wiped away a droplet that escaped the corner of her mouth, then lingered there, tracing the outline of her bottom lip.

"you still crying?" he asked, his voice softer than she'd ever heard it. In the faint light filtering through her curtains, his eyes looked almost tender.

malasia shook her head, though she could still feel the dampness on her cheeks. "I'm just…" the words wouldn't come. how could she explain the hurricane inside her? the way her body still hummed with pleasure while her conscience screamed in protest?

jimmy set the glass down and took her face in both hands, his palms warm against her tear-stained cheeks, "you good. we good. this stays between us, yeah? our little secret. it's gone be trinity and me, but that don't mean it can't be me and you, too. ight?"

she was unable to form words around the lump in her throat.

how could she agree with his sick lullaby?

jimmy leaned in, his lips brushing against hers. despite every warning bell clanging in her mind, malasia found herself responding. the kiss deepened, his hand sliding from her chin to cradle the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair as she kissed him with just as much passion.

time seemed to stretch and compress simultaneously—the kiss could have lasted seconds or hours, malasia couldn't tell.

"i can't," she whispered, but even as she said it, her body betrayed her—leaning into his touch, craving more of the connection that had left her so thoroughly undone.

"you already did, mama." jimmy reminded her, his voice a silken caress. "and you liked it. you wanted it. we both wanted it and we both know that."

the moment felt like it should've belonged to lovers, not to whatever tangled, illicit thing they had just created.

"i gotta get back," he murmured, though he made no move to leave. his fingers traced idle patterns on the bare skin of her thigh where her oversized shirt had ridden up. "trinity's probably wondering where i'm at."

with me...

malasia nodded, but her hands betrayed her, fingers still clutching his shirt. the thought of him leaving—of being alone with what they'd done—sent a wave of panic through her chest. the room would feel too empty, too full of echoes and implications.

he gave her a small kiss, before turning to leave. after he closed her room door, she waited until she heard the front door lock before laying down and finally crying to herself. after what felt like hours, she lifted her phone to see another text from jade, and an instagram notification.

-

j.us.im has sent you a friend request.

j.us.im: she's staying with me t'night.

j.us.im: taking her to her girls place tomorrow.

j.us.im: can't stop thinking about you now ma. don't matter what you tell yoself.

j.us.im: you ain't going no where.

what did she get herself into?

heyyyy, everyoneeee.

this one????….its intense. it’s gonna be intense. 🙂‍↕️ i can’t get enough of a nice toxic trope. but dw. ill be continuing the valentines day writings still. so we’ll get some sweet-ish too😜.

i’ve been going crazy yall. college is draining me. but my spring break is upon us. so i’ll finally get a chance to relax.

tell me in the comments what you guys think !

🏷️: @lizes-posts @uceyliyahh @punksyeet @charmed-dreamssss @msbigredmachine @shes2real @prettyfilmz @caramelcleopatraa @harmshake @luvrsluxe @angiedawn02 @amandairene88 @cyberdejos2 @queeny23 @empressdede @trentybenty @heauxvibez @whatdoeseverybodywant @romansthrone @acknowledge-reigns @southerngirl41 @jaza23 @usoinked @fearlesschimera @holycollectivekitty @trippinsorrows

[nataliasquote]

Honesty pt.2 | n romanoff

mac and cheese queen | pt.1

summary: a frosty interaction with Natasha is not out of the ordinary, but it’s really not welcome. But in Yelena’s eyes, there’s nothing that mac and cheese can’t fix… mostly

pairings: enemies-to…, (Nat, O!C), yelena belova x best!friend! OC

wc: 2.5k

note: hiii :) part 2 for you. more nat interactions will be coming, you just have to be patient

-⧗-

"I need to be more interesting." Kaia sighed as she adjusted the waistband of her leggings, making eye contact with her best friend through the large mirror. Yelena just laughed and placed down her phone, pulling one knee up to her chest.

"You? More interesting? You make me feel like a dusty old dictionary sitting next to the newest bestselling novel. If you get more interesting I'm gonna have to start building houses in Africa." Kaia stopped changing her music and peered over her shoulder at her dramatic friend, the upbeat pop music coming to an abrupt pause.

The young dancer had hired out a studio room so she could practice and dragged Yelena along as her personal hype woman who would also listen to her mile long list of critiques as she watched herself dance in the mirror. As she improv-ed to the music, thoughts of dancing in college swirled in her mind, the endless days of dance and music enticing her future.

"Yelly please, you're the most interesting person I know. No one else could have so many stories to tell me on a daily basis, when we spend every waking moment together."

Yelena tossed her braid over her shoulder, wiggling her eyebrows. "Well, I did take most of the personality in the house. Gotta make up for the fact that I'm not Natasha somehow."

Kaia picked up her phone again, scrolling through her improv playlist on spotify. Her body was itching to move and she couldn't stand still even as she shuffled the songs, her hips swaying back and forth. "Wow I didn't know this was a therapy session." She quipped, slightly rolling her eyes.

"Well yes, you use dance as therapy, I use you as a therapist. That way you can dance out both of our problems."

The brunette stood still for a moment, listening to the song that played through her speaker. But the faint grumbles coming from the blonde across the room made her strut over and hold out her hands.

"What?"

"Dance with me." Kaia whined with a pout. Difficult to resist.

"Kyyyy I don't dance. You know that."

"I'm sure baby ballet Yelena is still in there somewhere." She teased, grabbing her best friend's wrists and hauling her up from the floor. But her task proved difficult when Yelena made her body go limp, meaning Kaia felt like she was pulling around a sack of potatoes. "Yel, please."

Yelena was an incredibly tough girl, but one thing she couldn't resist was Kaia. They were close enough to be lovers and sisters at the same time, which confused people a lot of the time. They would wander round stores hand in hand, earning disapproving looks from elderly people who couldn't help but be homophobic, but it was exactly the reaction they wanted. Something about pissing off old people made the perfect saturday afternoon entertainment.

"Ky I don't dance. End of." She shoved her hands under her butt and gave her friend a glare, but this did nothing but spur Kaia onwards.

"Okay well last time I checked you weren't Chad from High School Musical, so shush, and I'll help you!" Yelena still didn't budge, although her lips twitched into a smile at the high school musical reference. "Lenaaa..."

"I hate you, you know that right?" Kaia let out a squeal as Yelena stood up, adjusting her jeans so they sat more comfortably around her waist. Her khaki vest and jeans combo weren't the best for dancing, but Kaia didn't care less at all. It was a miracle that Yelena wanted to dance at all, seeing as she'd sworn off it for years.

"No. You love me. Now come on." Kaia dragged her into the middle of the studio as 'Walking on Sunshine' started playing through the speakers, the upbeat happy tempo immediately pulling out a smile on her face. "You can't dance to this song with a frown like that!" She yelled over the music.

"Try me bitch!" Yelena started mumbling along with the words as Kaia danced around stupidly, grabbing her hands in an attempt to turn the blonde around in an awkward spin.

In their duo, Yelena was the singer. She had a deep raspy voice that Kaia loved, but every time she was asked to sing Yelena would go silent. So in the privacy of their soundproof studio, Yelena let herself go.

"I'm walking on sunshine..."

"OHHH!" Kaia echoed.

"I'm walking on sunshine..."

"Woahhhhh!"

"I'm walking on sunshine!" Yelena moved to do a shimmy with Kai, who returned it gleefully as she echoed once more.

"And don't it feel GOOD!"

"HEY!" With a burst of spontaneous energy, the brunette whipped out a quick aerial, spinning back around to launch herself at Yelena.

"Talented ass bitch." Yelena muttered. But Kai just planted a huge kiss on her cheek, throwing her arms around her neck.

"Awww I love you Yelly!" Yelena squirmed out of her grip, holding her best friend at arms length by the shoulders.

"You're being weird. Why are you being weird?" She narrowed her eyes but Kaia just laughed, dancing over to her phone as the song came to an end.

"I'm not the weird one. You are."

"Am not."

"Are too!"

"Not!"

"Are!"

"I hate you."

"I know." Kai disconnected her phone and quickly slipped on her converse. "It's 6pm. Wanna grab dinner?"

"If you're really asking me if I want to get food with you, then I need to rethink our friendship. Plus, I've been wanting mac and cheese since we got here, so you owe me that." Yelena was pulling faces at herself in the mirror as she spoke, wandering aimlessly around the studio as she tried to keep herself entertained, knowing just how long Kaiiarina took to get ready.

"Then let's go."

The dance school was buzzing with activity as the summer school's extra classes meant more kids danced throughout the day. The girls only had a few more weeks before they left for college so they spent their days in summer doing whatever they wanted. Which... in Kaia's case, meant days at the dance studio.

They chatted together as they made their way down the stairs, smiling at some of the young girls who ran past giggling in their baby pink leotards. They reminisced of how they used to be that small, spotting a wild haired blonde girl who resembled Yelena far too closely. She dragged her feet as she followed her friends, pulled harshly at her leotard with disgust.

"Oh surprise surprise." Yelena whispered loudly, placing an arm infront of Kaia to halt them both on the bottom step.

"What?" The blonde pointed across the room to where a familiar redhead was signing her name in the register book, talking intently to the tall girl stood next to her. "Oh."

"I swear she's put a gps tracker in my brain. I can't get a break!" Yelena exclaimed, but still keeping her voice low. It was like they were hiding from a lion in the rushes, staying low and quiet, not wanting to startle the hunting and deadly predator. Kaia didn't want to become dinner today.

"We can just walk past quickly. She won't notice." Kaia said in a hushed tone, adjusting the strap of her bag. "Plus, it's not like she's going to want to talk to you when she sees you're with me."

"Ky you know she's gonna make a jab comment at you."

Kaia just shrugged and stepped down, holding her head up high as she walked towards the sliding doors. Her ponytail swung and her envious jawline was on show. She was stunning, there was no doubt, but clearly Natasha didn't see that. Just blinded by hatred.

Yelena rushed after her friend, falling into step beside her just in time to hear Nat's low and raspy voice call out.

"What are you doing here?" Her tone was blunt, not a single ounce of care about how rude she was being come over at all. The taller blonde girl stood next to the redhead turned away, not wanting to involve herself in the conversation.

"Probably for the same reason you're here." Kaia quipped, stopping so she was face to face with Nat. Well, almost. The redhead was slightly taller, but that didn't phase Kaia. She was sure in herself, and Natasha didn't scare her. "It's a dance school. I'm a dancer. I came to dance"

"Well no shit Sherlock," Nat said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Getting last minute practice in before college? You'll need to spend more hours in the studio if you want to keep up. It's an intense course, I would know."

"Yes, you would know because you're the dance captain. We've all heard you before. Now can you stop harassing my best friend and leave her alone because she owes me mac and cheese and my stomach is gonna start eating itself. So thank you, dearest sister, but we will be leaving." Yelena grabbed Kaia's arm and dragged her away, mumbling about mac and cheese the whole way to the car.

"Lena I can walk on my own you know." Kaia grumbled, rubbing the sore spot on her bicep where the blonde had dug her fingers in rather hard.

"Well you have yet to prove that to me whenever Nat is around. It's like she glues your feet to the floor."

"Okay now you're being dramatic. I don't want to be around Nat any longer than I have to be. Your sister is a dementor. She sucks the life out of me with every word because I know she just wants to make comments." She chucked her car keys into the cup holder and passed Yelena the charger, which she accepted gratefully, knowing her phone would be nearly dead.

"Okay I love the chit chat, but let's drive. I was being serious about my stomach earlier."

The mac and cheese house lit up in the distance as Kaia pulled into a parking space, barely switching her car off before Yelena opened the door. She ran inside, not even checking if her friend was following her before taking a big deep breath of the smell that hit her nostrils as she hauled open the large glass doors.

She started humming 'I'm In Heaven' under her breath as she read the huge menu boards, which was ridiculous considering her order was planned out from the moment Kaia pressed play on the first track she danced to.

Classic Mac with a generous helping of hot sauce. The first time she ordered the server looked at her in disgust, but she made him try it and his life was changed ever since. Anyone who doubts her flavour combination is forced to try it, due to her stubborn nature.

"You ordered yet?" Kaiiarina asked, suddenly appearing being her friend, startling her slightly.

"Shush. I'm considering my options."

"You're gonna get something new?" Yelena hummed in agreement. "We both know that's not gonna happen."

"I hate it when you're right." She huffed.

"I know. Now go order." Kaia shoved Yelena forward and then went to grab a table by the window, so she could people watch as she waited for food. No need to tell Lena her order; that girl had everything mac and cheese ordered.

The brunette pulled out her phone and replied to a couple of texts, including one from her mother asking how long she would be out for. Her curiosity got the best of her and she clicked on the message, replying back rather quickly. Her mother almost never messaged her, so it caught her by surprise.

But the mysterious 'I'll tell you once you're home' message that she received back made her feel slightly sick, but luckily Yelena came to the rescue.

"One toasted Mac and Cheese for the exhausted and malnourished prima ballerina," she announced with a flourish, placing the steaming pot on the table in front of Kaia, her face lighting up.

"Ohohohoh that smells divine!" Yelena agreed, shovelling a forkful of pasta in her mouth, chattering her teeth and letting out puffs of air as it was still boiling hot. "And I'm not malnourished. You don't make that possible."

"I'm too good to you."

Their conversation lessened significantly as they began eating, the flavours of their mac and cheese exploding on their tongues and distracting them from forming words and sentences to converse.

But they didn't need to talk. They'd been best friends for so long that nothing ever felt awkward, not even sitting in silence. They were comfortable just being in each other's company, which was good considering they were never apart.

Yelena finished her mac and cheese in half the time it took Kaia, so she started stealing her own forkfuls now and again, moaning at how hot sauce was a complete necessity.

"You can't steal my food and then complain about it That's really not how this works."

"I can and I will. So deal with it." There were only a couple of bites left and Kaia pushed her pot away, completely stuffed. But wasting food wasn't her concern around Yelena. That girl was a human vacuum, and somehow still managed to stay in impeccable shape. Probably due to the hours she spent on soccer in highschool and now college.

"I hate to cut this short, but my mom wants me home. She said some weird cryptic message and it's slowly eating my alive." Kaia huffed, tapping the screen of her phone and rolling her eyes at the messages that had appeared.

Yelena burst out laughing, clamping her hand quickly over her mouth. "Sorry." She sniggered, pulling odd faces to try and stop her laugher. "It's just that guy behind you almost walked into the door because it didn't open fast enough."

Kaia swivelled round in her seat, a smile tugging at her lips as she saw the disgruntled middle-aged man storming off in a huff, a bag of food tucked under his arm.

"As mad as I am you interrupted me, that was funny."

"Allow me to provide the quality entertainment."

"I need to stop saying that. It's gonna make your head even bigger." Yelena's jaw dropped as she rubbed her hands over her head, shielding it from Kaiiarina's eagle eyes.

"I do not have a big head!" The blonde exclaimed, her usually disguised russian accent subtly seeping through as her voice cracked. "You're just being mean!"

"I am, but it's only because I love you. Now come on bitch, if you want a lift home we need to go now before my mother sends anymore dumb messages."

"Yes sir." Yelena saluted at her best friend before getting up from the table, chucking their empty containers in the recycling. "Taylor Swift jam session?"

"Are you even asking me?"

"Fuck yeah."

part 3