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thejudgingtrash · 4 years

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would you class percy as a morally grey character? i’m really interested to hear your input

Anon 2: Would u class percy as an Morally Gray character?

Hey there! Let me write that essay for you about morally gray Percy ^^

It’s not about whether Percy is a morally gray character or not, it’s about he has to be otherwise the story doesn’t make any sense. At least for me it wouldn’t.

Ashley (@gr33kg0ds) said in the tags of my dark!Percy post something along the line of people diminishing Percy’s character because they need him to be pure and fluffy and I wholeheartedly agree with that!

Just because Percy’s twelve doesn’t mean he’s pure and didn’t do unproblematic things. I’ll mostly refer to The Lightning Thief because that book is the Magnus Opus for Riordan and perfectly stands for Percy as a morally gray character from the very beginning of the saga. (Also the only book I’ve recently re-read)

As much as I love fanon with all the amazing artworks, debates, memes and jokes, analysis, cool edits and wonderful fanfics, projecting your version of Percy doesn’t make the image in your head real. Percy in canon is not the fun and fluffy boy you imagine him to be or which social media sites (Reddit, Twitter, Instagram and yes, also Tumblr) tend to make him to be. He’s a scrawny little sarcastic twerp that was the unpopular kid. He isn’t that cringy dude Tony Lopez doing that fucking weird TikTok dance (side note: I don’t even know who this person is and I don't care, I saw the video and immediately wanted to delete every social media app on my phone, so thanks Tony?), kissing his Yeezys goodnight, vibing to our lord and gay icon Taylord “T. Swizzle” Swift song and flexing them iPhone 11 Max Pros. Percy literally said that going to Burger King with his mother once in a while would be considered a luxury. He’s a poor bastard in literal sense.

Part of the problem with the distinction of Percy’s character and his motives stem from the fact that Percy is a sneaky unreliable narrator and we as the audience (especially if you’re younger) don’t question most of his behavior if you even question some (pretty sure that most of us only picked up weird stuff as adults). Everything seems plausible to you. But does it mean that his behavior is necessarily good? Something that would paint his character as good?

Like I’ve said, let’s take a look at TLT. The very beginning of everything and the wonderful line that gets quoted everywhere: “Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood”.

The very first line that quoted everywhere or used as in moodboard and edits but its meaning and significance get brushed off for the most part. It immediately sets the tone and the atmosphere for the book and for Percy as a character. A(n in my opinion) morally gray character. The very first thing we hear from Percy is that he doesn’t want to be in this world. He’s an involuntary participant who has been (upon further reading) blackmailed and forced into this world and is only cooperating to get his mother back and said in regards to his father (who also stands for the Greek pantheon) ”well yeah, would be nice to know about my dad but I’ve survived without him the past twelve years so I don’t know, he wouldn’t be missed necessarily I guess?“ That pretty much tells you, it foreshadows, that we will be dealing with someone with grit, someone that fights back, someone that went through shit, someone that isn’t a goody two-shoed character. Does it mean he’s a terrible (in the sense of evil or bad) character from the get go? Not really, but it tells you in nuances that he won’t be the white shining knight you might expect from a fairy tale.

There is so much that little Perseus Jackson has to offer you directly in the first book. So much that paints him as a morally gray character. From the illegal candy stash all the way to tricking Procrustes into his own trap. He knows right from wrong and isn’t innocent by any means. He wants you to think he’s innocent. Yes, he hunts monsters and the book also tells you that some adults (Gabe) can also be monsters, but Percy’s personality is so interesting and full of facets which I love! He’s misleading you on purpose. Deflects, plays events down. He lies in front of you to others but you don’t really doubt it. Instead of questioning it, you understand it.

What distinguishes Percy from other male protagonists in that notion that the author doesn’t try to paint him as particularly good (the reader connects the dots, in reality) is pretty much that. Percy is neither inherently good or bad. He’s in the middle. He does lots of questionable things and his personality adds to it. Something that immediately comes to my mind is his lack of fear of consequences. He thinks in the short term and not in the long term. Of course, he’s caring about those that are close and important to him (Grover, Annabeth and his mother of course. And well. The world not getting destroyed by his weird father and fucking crazy uncle would be a plus). But Percy isn’t really a strategist (yet). Look at the Medusa head thingy. Annabeth and Grover warn him, that he’s gonna get his ass beat and he doesn’t care. That these gods could squish him in the end didn’t matter to him.

The Olympian gods are painted as these unpenetrable huge mighty force and some fuzzy annoyed twelve year old dipshit sends them the severed head of a monster - but not any monster, the monster his father had a role in creating (well, Athena for the most part, but you know what I mean). (Also, I know this kinda reckless behavior gets sorta rewarded but at first, everyone was like ‘NO, NO, NO!’ before Percy was glorious with his attempt). Percy essentially tells these ancient forces that drive the way of his new cosmos how shit‘s gonna work from now on.

Percy isn’t fear riddled and doesn’t think about the possible outcome. He manipulates, he lies, he persuades and all of this as soon as he hits twelve. But probably earlier. Pretty sure he had to become a believable lier in order to trick (survive being around) Gabe. Perseus is angry, he’s agitated. Had Riordan written Percy as a soft spoken, frightened, goody two-shoed kid, almost nothing in TLT and the follow-ups would have made sense. He’s the outcast, but slowly blossoms into the strength and muscles of the group. Of the entire camp. Someone that outsmarts opponents and wins battles. But he didn’t do that by playing nice and being a bootlicker.

TLT would’ve been a perfect standalone book that would have emphasized that Percy is an involuntary person sive) if you skip Kronos, leave a little bit foreshadowing with the prophecy out, tweak the talks with the gods and Annabeth’s first meeting and skip Luke and the scorpion at the end. The ending would’ve been “and so Percy had a first awesome summer vacation and found a group of friends for life” or so (aka PJO movie 1 in less shitty and more cohesive).

The morally gray character shrinks a little bit in the SOM because there lie straighter dangers ahead which dive more into the bigger picture and Percy grows more into the character who takes care of friends and but he does come back with TTC, and definitely BOTL and the St. Helens explosion.

Consequences of Percy’s interactions had people partially dying. There is doubt, there is guilt. But the show must go on. There are battles that have to be won. There is no big giving up, no big overturn for the bad guys.

Also... isn’t it interesting that we start with Percy saying ”look, I don’t want to be in this world“ in TLT and it ends with TLO where he says ”for once I didn’t look back“? The full circle? The way that accepting his fate took five books? To change Percy from being an involuntary participant to becoming voluntary? He didn’t want to be a half-blood, he didn’t want to be the kid in the prophecy, but he actively chose to be in the end. He went from a darker shade of gray to a mayhaps lighter, if you want to say so.

To conclude, I repeat myself again: it’s not about whether Percy is a morally gray character or not, it’s that he has to be.

Thanks for asking me about some meta stuff I really do like diving into these things here and there. Tumblr’s sorta glitchy, I do get notifications but I really don’t see asks, so I’m sorry if my response is mad late ^^

#mel answers #pjo #Percy Jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #the lightning thief #rick riordan #the last olympian

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honney-boy · 4 years

Text

Wonder (Part 1)

Rudy Pankow x Oc!Reader

gif by → @riobeth

Wonder Series Masterlist | Wonder Playlist

Chapter summary: Rudy and Nevaeh meet in person for the first time and things aren’t awkward. Yougurt cups, bananas and ice blended in a cup and maple syrup.

Full Summary and Story Concept

Warning(s): language, shenanigans, jet laggness, social media zombies, teenage girls

Words: 5k+

A/N: This is my first attempt at a Rudy fic. My first series too! But if this flops, let's pretend it never happened, okay? :) But If you guys want to read more, please do let me know. Your love and support is the encouragement I need. I got the concept from tik tok haha. Fair warning, I am handwriting out chapters with a pen and paper before converting it digitally, so updates with be spread out. THERE WILL BE GRAMMAR MISTAKES! I'm human, and Tumblr is my test run for this series. Anywho, hope you enjoy :)

taglist

One | “Social Zombies”

In Nevaeh's opinion, airports were the worst. It wasn't due to the 38,000 feet in the air flying ride or the nothingness in the sky you see your whole flight; it was the people, the airports themselves, and the limited space.

Airports were much worse than flying - especially the San Francisco International Airport. Also known as SFO Airport. The few times, literally very few times, Nevaeh has been to the airport, she had poor experiences. Now, SFO Airport is definitely smaller than LAX and not as busy - it's a nightmare. You would think with a much smaller airport, there would be fewer crowds, but no, it's like a family reunion every day but with strangers. If you bump into the wrong person, your day on the off chance will get ruined.

Along with the busy crowds, there are many places to eat. From pizza to Italian to pie, your choices are endless. That's until half or more restaurants are closed or have long lines. Nevaeh never ate airport food, so she couldn't give her opinion on it. She'll leave that to the professional reviews. She wasn't at SFO Airport to judge the food or traffic flow, not even the staff's attitude - except she already gave a flight attendant a glare. The flight attendant took a bathroom break before their next flight and griped at Nevaeh because she used the last paper towel so they couldn't dry their hands. Air drying is a thing, and it works well, she thought to herself while leaving the restroom. She was not going to let one grumpy flight attendant ruin her great mood. She was going to meet someone who she hopes is special today.

Over the past two months, Nevaeh and this person had gotten to know each other well, virtually, that is. They met online, and Nevaeh lived in San Francisco while they lived in Alaska. Countless messages, facetime calls, photos, and videos were exchanged, and a bond was formed. Who would have thought that two people could meet through a video sharing social media app and hit it off? Most people start with dating apps, meet and get to know different people, but Nevaeh met them all because a video of hers popped up on their for you page.

Nevaeh created and shared a variety of things on the app. From cooking to creating and her little hobby of disco skating. She wanted to keep her followers and supporters entertained and herself; she didn’t want to be stuck, making the same content, so she did many things. Nevaeh thought maybe one of her disco skating, videography, or cooking videos drew them in, but it was one of her mini vlogs. In the video, she showed how she would scout places before spending the day getting footage for a short montage film or scenes for a movie she is working on. Not long after the discovery, they - he sent her a message asking about a more in-depth explanation of her process, and it went up from there.

Now, after all this time of them chatting back and forth, they get to meet. Nevaeh gets to meet him.

Standing by the arrival gate, her eyes bouncing around the room at different things just to keep her mind centered and not all over the place. She wanted to pick at her nails, or hold her hands to her chest but she couldn’t hold them in place for long; she opted for playing with the white beaded bracelet he bought and sent to her in a box full of other things. It was so sweet of him; just thinking about the box she received makes her smile and her heart swell. Just last week she received a box full of thoughtful gifts. Inside were some of her favorite snacks, a movie she loved, one of his hoodies - it was the hoodie he wore the first time they facetimed. The hoodie was one of his favorites, but he had the urge to send it to her, he just wanted her to have it. And finally was the white beaded bracelet with a single aqua blue bead on it - he had the matching one with all aqua beads and one single black bead. She was having an uncreative and pretty shitty day until that box arrived on the front door step of her shared apartment.

“I wanted to surprise you, so I messaged Birdie asking her for your favorite snacks, I added the hoodie and got the two of us distance bracelets. You know, because we are long distance.” He told her later that day when they talked on the phone.

“Until you come here, or I go there,” she replied. She hasn’t stopped wearing the hoodies since and she has had the bracelet on since the moment she got it.

Nevaeh watched different people walk past her; none of them were him yet. The dirty blond mess he sported for hair shouldn't be that hard to miss, but the longer she searched, the more she doubted her assumption.

It was another couple of minutes that went by, and she didn't see him, so she pulled her phone out to see if he had sent something. Maybe he has to catch a different flight, and he forgot to tell her, or perhaps he didn't want to meet after all. Her fingers type out a message to send, but a figure stands in front of her before she hits the send button. Nevaeh could see the shadow of their body from her peripheral vision, but she did not look up, hoping they would go away - but they didn't. Sending her message, the woman was preparing to turn away until she heard the stranger's phone go off. It's just a coincidence that their phone went off a couple of seconds after I sent a message. She said to herself, then she looked up and there he was. Dirty blond hair - a little long all over, but instead of it being in his face like it always is, it was pushed back and tucked underneath a red cap. His eyes were more lovely in person. The pair ranged from a light blue to gray, depending on the day. Today they were light blue. He sported stubble across his chin and cheeks with a blond mustache above his top lip. He wore nothing flashy, just a simple red ACDC sweatshirt, cargo shorts, and a pair of vans. He looked tired, but that didn't throw off the good vibes and smile he had going on. She couldn't help but smile back. He's here in the flesh. Rudy.

"Hi," he said light-heartedly, breaking the silence.

"Hi," she echoed; the smile on her face grew some more. "Wow, you're really here in the flesh."

He chuckled, and the sound woke up the butterflies in her stomach. "Yeah, I am. And you...the pictures and videos don't do enough justice for the actual thing." His eyes scan over her, noticing the navy blue Hilfiger sweatshirt he sent to her. Nevaeh couldn't help the dust of blush that appeared on her cheek.

“Talk about me, what about you? Who knew those Snapchat filters were hiding such a god-like person.”

“Oh, stop, you’re making me blush,” he joked while bashful. No matter online or in person, Nevaeh was still able to get him flushed; it was something he didn’t want to admit, not while he was flying blind with this.

Nevaeh smiled and had a tiny giggle; the full laugh was muffled by the hand she brought up to her mouth in an attempt to hold the sound back. He could watch her smile for a while. Is that weird? “How was your flight? I hope it wasn’t too horrible.”

“It wasn’t too bad,” he admitted. “Definitely long, but nothing a pair of earbuds, music, and a couple of movies couldn’t fix.” The two quickly began walking toward the direction of baggage claim. More of Rudy just following whichever direction Nevaeh was going. She did know the airport better anyway.

“Which movies did you watch?” she asked.

“Since I had six hours to waste - Joker, 1917 and Pride & Prejudice.”

“Oh, I see you listened to my suggestions; not surprised you watched Joker again,” Rudy shrugged his shoulders with a hum. “I’m surprised you didn’t watch the Harry Potter movies.”

Rudy rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Actually, I already watched them a couple of days ago,” Nevaeh hummed as if she were to say, ‘of course’ “You can judge me all you want. I won’t pay you any mind. Just the same as I did with the guy that had the aisle seat in my row. I guess other guys find it weird that a guy decided to watch a period drama on a flight.”

“He was just jealous he didn’t think of it first. Mr. Darcy’s pinning for Miss. Bennett and the film’s overarching theme is too good not to watch.”

“That it is, who would want to miss the warnings heeded against trusting one’s first impression or prejudices?”

“Or the character arcs that grow throughout the storyline. I pity that aisle sitting man.”

“I do too,” Rudy agreed. “He missed out on a classic and had to get up to let the other person and me out to take a tinkle.” He did it again. He made her laugh genuinely. The conversation between them flowed. The small worry Nevaeh had earlier about the two of them not being able to continue the light-hearted and enjoyable nature they had over text had diminished. He seemed just the same - goofy, charismatic, charming, and caring - as he was over the phone the past month and a half. She, too, was still kind, compassionate, and sarcastic as before. Yet both of them had their own doubts about the thing they were doing; they didn’t know what it was or where it was headed, but they were willing to find out.

In the car, Nevaeh drove the route she knew from the airport to her shared apartment. Rudy sat in the passenger seat; his gaze focused out the window, watching the San Francisco scenery appear, disappear and morph as they passed by the window. The radio played while they sat in a comfortable silence - it impressed her how easily they fell into it. Wasn't it common for an uncomfortable silence? Two people who just met for the first time should struggle in an attempt to make a conversation, but not them.

To Rudy, the comfortable silence was almost expected. Granted, he did expect one of them to talk the other's ear off - he's glad neither of them was. The six-hour flight took its effect on the man, but he wasn't going to let his fatigue ruin the time they had together. He'll rest later. Spend time with her now, sleep later.

The car rolled to a stop, a red light shined on the traffic light hanging in front of them. Rudy's eyes watch a girl across the street riding down the sidewalk on a skateboard. Her stance relaxed, feet planted in a way that helped her ride easily; she was experienced, probably skated regularly. Watching her skate triggered a longing in Rudy for his board back at home. He rides on concrete and in the snow, but he was missing snowboarding the most. It was beginning to be summer, so the temperatures in Alaska were warmer. To warm for snow but warm enough for the evergreen to take over. Now he was in California, the state that was sunny all the time. The state that thrived in the summer and its soil hardly ever to never had the chilled touch of snow. His longing grew more for the chilly weather and white flakes.

The woman sitting next to him took the next couple of seconds between the light change to look at him. Catching the moment of his gaze out the window of her jeep. "I know you're probably tired from your flight. I had some ideas about the things we could do, but we don't have to do anything today." She spoke and after, glanced at the traffic light only to see it was still red.

Rudy tore his gaze from the distant image of the skater and met Nevaeh's. "I am, but if you want to do something, we can. I'm more than happy to hang out." He said.

Trying to reason, she said, "I know, but you just got off a six-hour flight."

"Nevaeh, it's fine. I'm not that burned out. Time zones are an hour apart, and seven am isn't that bad." she begins to give him a skeptical look. She heard his words but feels as if he was only saying that to make her happy. He sat by her, leaned back, and relaxed. His head sat lazily against the headrest, and the smile he was giving her was light but tiresome. She switched her gaze from him to the traffic light, which turned green, and she didn't know when. Nevaeh eased her foot off the brake and to the gas pedal. "Seriously, we can do something."

“Fine,” She says after a moment. “I won’t wear you out too much more.” Flicking her left turn signal on after checking her mirror, she merges into the lane beside her. “There’s somewhere I wanna take you - well, maybe two places, but we’re going to the apartment first.”

“Alright, sounds good to me.” Nevaeh drove them to the apartment she shared with her long term friend. Rudy followed behind her as she led the way; they only spent a few minutes there. After a short tour, a bathroom break, and dropping off a couple of suitcases later, Rudy and Nevaeh left the place. They began a walk along the San Francisco hills to the mysterious place Nevaeh had in mind.

“This place is somewhere I walk to every other day. It’s Birdie’s and my favorite place.” It was a short six to eight-minute walk. Nevaeh reassured him before briefly going into a conversation about the impressive things you see in the city. Just like Nevaeh told him, they both come up upon a corner shop with a couple of large windows to see inside and out, a brown exterior with outside tables with green umbrellas and foldable outdoor chairs. The corner shop was known as the Nasik Cafe. For a small cafe, the place was doing well. There were a handful of people inside sitting, chatting, or ordering and quite a few sitting outside.

“This place is pretty health-oriented, and like Starbucks, it has things you could make at home for free, but their stuff is great,” Nevaeh explained to the man.

"So you spend way too much on yogurt cups, fruit drinks, toast, and other food you can make at home?" She nods her head like it was evident at what he said. Rudy shook his head. "Couldn't you just spend ten dollars on a yogurt cup?"

"Oh my goodness, they don't have yogurt cups, Rudy." She shook her head in disbelief.

"Okay, so ten dollars for a banana blended with ice in a cup - still sounds ridiculous to me."

"I can't with you," She tilted her head back, but she wasn't annoyed. She found his witticism amusing. At this rate, Nevaeh should prepare to always smile all the time around him. "You should find a table out here, and I can grab us something - wait, do you want to sit out here?"

Rudy nodded, then began to scan the area but only briefly seeing a couple of empty tables. "Yeah, it's nice out, let's enjoy it. Out here is great."

"Great," she says, pleased. "I'll grab something; I wanna surprise you. I'll be back." Nevaeh turns to walk inside. The smell of strawberries, oranges, and granola invaded her nose. It wasn't a new smell to her, but a new one for the day. She would always smell fruit and granola wherever she would walk into Basik. Some days it smelt like bananas and chocolate, or honey, peanut butter, and coconut. The smells varied, but the most prominent one was the tropical smell. To her left at a table was a couple enjoying smoothies. Both cops were a little under half full. A person sat at another table, invested in their laptop. To her right, more people sat. Art adorns the walls as realism paintings along with abstract images. There was a line at the counter; no more than four people stood waiting. She took the time to look up at the big and wide wood board hanging from the ceiling. When Nevaeh told Rudy she wanted to surprise him with something, she knew what she was getting for the both of them. The colorful and fruitful acai bowls.

Nevaeh and her roommate Birdie loved acai bowls. Birdie was the one to introduce her friend to the fantastic bowls she grew to love. Now it was her turn to turn another friend onto them.

The line moved along smoothly and grew smaller by the minutes. Once Nevaeh got closer, her lips stretched into a grin as her eyes caught sight of the barista.

"Hi, what can I get you? Could I interest you in our new fall to-Vae! Hey." the blonde barista's mood brightened significantly when she realized she was taking Nevaeh's order. She leaned across the counter and grabbed hold of Nevaeh's hand, and laced their fingers together. "What are you doing here? I thought you had to pick up your friend." She said, then making finger quotations. The barista was her roommate, Birdie. Birdie was a full-time college student and full-time barista to get by. She was more than happy to talk to her friend now that she wasn't as busy - Nevaeh was the only person in line for now.

"I was - I did pick up my friend. No air quotes, we're friends."

"For now."

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes at the blonde. "He's here with me, just outside." Birdie looked past Nevaeh and out the window in search of this guy. Nevaeh looked around for him, too; she didn't get to see where he chose to sit. "He's...the one with the red cap, right there." She pointed out once she spotted him. Birdie hummed and squinted her eyes to get a better look, which was difficult with the angle he sat at.

"He looks nice...from here," Birdie leaned back, so her fingers could let go of Nevaeh's and tap the terminal screen as she put her friend's usual order in. While Birdie did that, Nevaeh nodded in agreement but kept her gaze on him. "Lemme guess, the usual?"

"Kilauea; everything but-"

"No pollen and extra honey." Birdie finished with assuredness and not a drop of doubt in her answer. Her friend smiled, her eyes looking to Birdie with amazement.

"You know me too well."

"Well, you order the same thing almost every time."

"Touche," she couldn't argue with that. When it came to her acai bowl, she liked the Kilauea - made with mango juice, granola, berries, papaya, honey, and acai - the best. "And water, of course - make that two." She stepped back to look over the menu. Rudy wasn't familiar with the place, and he didn't know what they served, so Nevaeh wanted to get him something he hopefully liked. She decided to go with something not too fancy - directing her attention back to her barista friend. She went ahead and finished her order. "And...let me get the Islander acai bowl." That one was made with hemp mylk, granola, banana, berries, cocoa shavings, and honey.

Birdie rang up the rest of the order for Nevaeh. After catching a glimpse at the total, Nevaeh reached in the little card pocket of her wallet and grabbed her card. Unbeknownst to her, while she was getting her card, Birdie took her name tag and gave her friend her employee discount - she got it for half the price.

“I know you’re an independent woman and paying for the first date, the least I could do is give you a discount. Just don’t tell Daniel.” She winked, and Nevaeh gave her a thumbs up with one hand, and with the other, she made a zipping and locking motion over her mouth before throwing the key.

Outside, Rudy sat at the table he picked out for the two of them while waiting. While Nevaeh ran inside to get their order, he observed the small San Francisco scenery around him. California weather was sunshine with fluffy clouds. Just about everyone was either in shorts, a tank, and a cut-off shirt or any other summer clothing that provided them some comfort in the blazing sun. He dressed just right for the weather, though in Alaska, it was more on the chill side, causing him to wear a sweatshirt while he left. Now that he was basking in the California weather, he took off the warm sweatshirt and left it at Nevaeh’s apartment.

There were other people outside along with him. A group of girls sat a few feet away at a table in front of him, trying not to giggle as they attempted to make a video. At another table, there were two guys, perhaps brothers. They were eating something colorful from a bowl - it looked like yogurt to Rudy - and having a conversation with one another.

Rudy shook his head at the drastic difference between the two tables. Maybe it was just him, but it was amazing how much the world - more specifically America- was wrapped up in technology and social media. Sure the brothers at the one table had digital watches that told them the time and lit up, catching their attention with a vibrate when a text or notification went to their phone. But at least they could carry on a conversation without having their phone in their hands. On the other hand, those girls haven’t put their phones down longer than a few seconds. After those seconds, they tap away or show the other something they thought was worthy enough to gauge a reaction out of them.

Rudy wasn't one to judge. He didn't have much right to because while watching them and waiting for Nevaeh, he had the urge to pull out his phone. It was almost like a habit, but he chooses not to feed the temptation. He wanted to enjoy the day with Nevaeh; notice the burn on his skin from the sun, get to know her, have fun, pick up on little cues she has, and find out what he likes the most about her. And though it was kind of ironic that the two of them met through social media, he hopes Nevaeh is not one of those social zombies. Then this trip would be a waste of time and effort.

Ruby pulled his sunglasses down due to the sun starting to bother his eyes. Then he also wanted to cover his eyes and focus on something else while he waited. A minute later, Nevaeh walked out of the cafe's door backward with her back pushing the door open. In her hands, she had what she ordered; he wondered what she got. Rudy briskly stood up out of his seat to help her out.

"Hey, let me help you out," he walks around the table towards her, but she only nods him off.

"I got it, you sit."

"You have all the food and drinks in your hands; it's the least I can do." he stood off to the side, not interfering but reading despite what she said. He watches her struggle a bit and almost drops the stuff. Rudy immediately reached out, but Nevaeh had already saved herself and looked at him with a smile.

"I got it, Rudy. I was just pulling your leg." He picked up on the playfulness in her eyes, which made him pull his lips into a smile matching hers; her smile is definitely contagious.

“Alright, alright,” he raised his hands, backing away and then taking his seat. Nevaeh took her seat across from him, sat everything down before passing him the items she got him. “What’d you get us?”

“Well, I don’t know if you have had this before, but it’s my go-to thing to get here. It’s an acai bowl,” Nevaeh’s eyes caught his confused expression before he tried to cover it up with an understanding. She laughed softly and explained further. “It’s like a smoothie bowl with other things in it.”

“Smoothie bowl…” he murmured more to himself, but she still heard it.

Shaking her head, she continued. “Acai palm is the main ingredient along with bananas and granola, but you can add other fruits or peanut butter and syrups. Or take things off.”

“Like maple syrup?” he asked, looking at the acai bowl she got him.

Her face begins to twist in disgust until she covers it with a shrug and looks down at her bowl, ready to dig in. “Uh, I guess if that’s what you want, then yeah.” She answered, and Rudy nodded his head and grabbed his spoon to take a taste. Before Nevaeh tasted her own, she watched Rudy, waiting for his reaction. He took a bite, letting the flavor invade his taste buds.

“Wow, this is good,” He says after swallowing. He glanced up, catching Nevaeh already looking at him. She quickly looked away and stirred her bowl.

“I’m glad you like it; it’s my second favorite one,” she peeked back up, and Rudy was still looking at her. Laughing softly to herself, then shaking her head, she takes a bite of her own, almost moaning at the taste. “I’m surprised you haven’t had one before.”

“ I have wanted to try one, but never really went with actually going out to get one.”

“Well, maybe now you will get them more often,” She says but stops herself before taking another bite. “Wait...you aren’t allergic to any fruit, are you? Or granola?”

He lifted a brow while getting another scoop. “Oh, only bananas,” He replies. Nevaeh watches him as he lifts the spoon to his mouth and takes another bite that includes bananas before she could reach across the table and stop him in time. “What?” he looked at her. Her eyes were wide with shock and fear, her mouth opening to say something but closed when nothing came out. “Is there something wrong?”

Nodding her head slowly, she sat down her spoon and reached for her phone in her pocket just in case. "You ate a banana, and you just told me you were allergic to them." Nevaeh wanted to yell at him for being so careless, but that would mean she was too for not asking before ordering something random for him. She pretended to remain calm but was internally panicking.

"I actually eat them all the time," he held back the smile easing its way into his features. "I eat them quite often. They're a great source of potassium and vitamin C."

"So you aren't allergic to bananas?" she noted, and Rudy shook his head. His mouth broke out into the smile he managed to hold back for a few seconds. Nevaeh relaxed a bit, her shoulders dropping as she was no longer tense. "You're an asshole, you know that, right?" Rudy gasped softly, a hand placed on his chest as he looked at her, offended at her comment.

"What, me, an asshole? That can't be right, I'm really nice," he said and made Nevaeh huffed. "What do you not believe me?"

The woman shrugged, the smile still on her face when she looked down at her food. "Well, you did play a mean joke just now; I thought I almost killed you." She reminded him and picked at her bowl.

"I wanted to see how caring you were, and you passed the test. Now you love me, don't you?"

"You wish," she said, taking a bite then pointing at him with her spoon. "We're going on a road trip together, let's see if I survive that, then I'll let you know if I like you enough to be your friend or jump out of a moving car because you're an annoying little shit."

Rudy raised his eyebrows, smirking at her now. "Me being an annoying little...alright. Let's make a deal," he starts; Nevaeh gestures for him to continue. "If you survive this road trip, meaning - if you have a great time - I get to take you to my home town in Alaska. Ah, ah. I'm not finished." he held his finger up to stop her from making a comment. She rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair, attempting to hide a simple, but you could see the amusement on her face. "If you don't have a great time, I'll do whatever you want."

"So, If I understand right, If you win, you get to take me to Alaska - assuming I haven't been there already,"

“Wait, you’ve been to Alaska?” Nevaeh held her finger up, echoing his movements moments before.

“If you win, you take me to Alaska, and if I win, you do whatever I want, correct?”

“Yeah, as long as it’s not too inappropriate or impossible,” He says, already finished with his acai bowl, which Nevaeh didn’t remember seeing him eat the rest. It didn’t matter when he ate it, she didn’t care, but that was quick. Looking down at her own, she wasn’t more than halfway done. “So, so we have a deal?”

Nevaeh looked up from her food, meeting his ocean-like eyes. The pair were becoming more familiar over the past few weeks from countless photos and videos the two have shared over Snapchat. Messages over text and facetime calls. They got to know each other digitally, and now they have to learn more in person.

“We have a deal.” She says, and Rudy sticks his hand out, which she gladly took. They shook hands. While doing so, Rudy thought of a million possibilities to get the woman across from him to a great time and not just so he could take her to Alaska, his home. He found her intriguing, and he wants to take the time to get to know her better and maybe have a solid standing friendship at the end of it all. If the cosmos had a say, perhaps something more would blossom.

➣ End Note:

So, I honestly don’t know how the next few or future chapters will go but hopefully they turn out well. Here are the Revaeh interactions we all needed and plenty more to come so just you wait. ;)

AGAIN IF YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE THE SERIES I WILL, JUST LET ME KNOW.

Wonder Taglist:

@Scooby6, @ifilwtmfc, @rudypankowswife, @themaddies-obx

[If your username is bold and slashed out it means i can’t tag you. If you want to be added to the taglist add yourself here! If you no longer want to be on it let me know. :) ]

#rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #rudy pankow x oc #rudy pankow series #rudy pankow fanfiction #wonder series #rudy pankow au #Outer Banks #outer banks netflix #roadtrip story #tik tok dating

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kayliemusing · 3 years

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42: top 3s

1: Top 3 ice cream flavors - classic vanilla, birthday cake/birthday batter, bubblegum

2: Top 3 Disney Movies - Mulan, Onward, Soul (but this changes frequently lol)

3: Top 3 vacation destinations - I've never been outside of my home country so I'll say my top 3 DREAM destinations: NYC, Hawaii, a random countryside in either France or the UK

4: Top 3 places to shop - Dynamite, Sephora, Winners/Homesense

5: Top 3 subjects of study/classes to take - English/anything creative writing related, Interior Decorating/Design, Communications?

6: Top 3 make up products - YSL Touche Eclat Foundation, literally any Mac Lipstick but it has to be matte, & Fenty Beauty contour stick

7: Top 3 music artists - Taylor Swift - Of Monsters and Men - The Lumineers

8: Top 3 spices/herbs - Cinnamon - Nutmeg (literally tastes like autumn) - Paprika

9: Top 3 drinks - Diet Coke - Hot Chocolate - Vanilla Bean Frappe

10: Top 3 apps to use - Instagram - Pinterest -iBooks

11: Top 3 months of the year - May, October, December

12: Top 3 clothing items - My black/white turtle neck, high waisted jeans, plaid blazer

13: Top 3 binge perfect tv shows - Bones, Supernatural, Brooklyn Nine Nine

14: Top 3 romantic dates - (I've never been on a date but if I had, it would be this) Evening walk, late night drive, late night coffee date (tbh anything at night feels romantic)

15: Top 3 kinds of flower - Water lilies, cherry blossoms, roses

16: Top 3 christmas movies - A Christmas Carol (2009), Home Alone, The Polar Express

17: Top 3 OTPs - Nesta and Cassian from ACOTAR series by SJM, Manon and Dorian from Throne of Glass series by SJM, Casteel and Poppy from From Blood and Ash series by JLM.

18: Top 3 quotes to describe your life - "I write not to find, but to leave" by Scherezade Siobhan - "I want to be myself again. I want to be six. I want to stop knowing everything I know" by Catherynne M. Valente - "The truth is, I pretend to be a cynic, but I am really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something she may never get" by Joanna Hoffman.

19: Top 3 characteristics you love about yourself - my kindness bc it's not surface level kindness, but actually something deeply rooted within me - my resilience even tho sometimes it doesn't feel like resilience - my loyalty bc it is a hard as steel kind of loyalty

20: Top 3 kinds of candy - Maltesers, Kit kats, smarties

21: Top 3 ways to exercise/ be active - Walking, dancing, mowing the lawn/shoveling the sidewalk

22: Top 3 spirit animals - wolf, hummingbird, tiger (i googled it bc i didn't know and i was scared it was a joke but)

23: Top 3 petnames - I like 'lovebug', 'love', 'sweetheart'

24: Top 3 books read outside of school - The Hating Game by Sally Thorne, A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J Maas but viewers discretion is advised, Crush by Richard Siken

25: Top 3 most used websites - Youtube, Tumblr, Pinterest

26: Top 3 people you last texted - my mom, my bestie megan, and my sister bc they're the only people i text...

27: Top 3 hashtags you use - the only time i use hashtags is if i'm trying to promote some of my writing so I'll usually use writingcommunity, writersonig, poetryonig lol

28: Top 3 instagram accounts you follow - Trista Mateer, Griefmother, obviously taylor swift

29: Top 3 guilty pleasures - buzzfeed quizzes, early 2000s music, romance novels

30: Top 3 summer activities - Going to the zoo, long evening walks, campfires and s'mores

31: Top 3 things to draw/doodle - hearts, flowers, random swirls bc it's the only thing i can doodle...

32: Top 3 aesthetics - cityscape aesthetic, autumn aesthetic, rustic aesthetic

33: Top 3 things you'd buy if you gained three million dollars - a new car, a condo, another cat

34: Top 3 ways to treat yourself - facial, a large bag of maltesers, buying the makeup i really want but have been putting off

35: Top 3 celebrity crushes - Evan Peters, Matthew Daddario, henry cavill

36: Top 3 books from your childhood - Love You Forever by Robert Munsch, The Big Friendly Giant by Roald Dahl, and Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmens

37: Top 3 accents to hear - Australian, super poshy british accent, new zealand accent

38: Top 3 scents - Fresh rain, vanilla, sweet cinnamon pumpkin from bath and body works

39: Top 3 "Friends" quotes - "WE WERE ON A BREAK" -Ross, "Guess things were just going too well for me" -also ross, and "it's so exhausting waiting for death" - phoebe

40: Top 3 cupcake flavors - tbh I haven't tried that many cupcakes so your typical vanilla, chocolate, and Pink Lady Cupcake from Babycakes Cupcakery

41: Top 3 fruits - Pomegranates, Strawberries, Raspberries

42: Top 3 places you've had amazing pizza from - Pizzahut, Dominos, Pizza73

43: Top 3 sports teams to watch - i don't

44: Top 3 crayola colors - uh, i guess red, purple, and pink??

45: Top 3 things you hope to accomplish in college - Certificates/Degrees in Copyediting and Creative Writing, and I think simply just deeper critical thinking skills when it comes to writing and books

46: Top 3 fanfictions you've read - I read more books than fanfics, I've read a couple on tumblr but don't remember the names sorry :/

47: Top 3 people you miss right now - my dad, my best friend bc she's in vancouver, taylor swift bc she's not on tumblr anymore rip

48: Top 3 fears - Failure, Loss, not achieving anything in life/not reaching my full potential

49: Top 3 favorite literary devices - Foreshadowing is always god tier, cliffhangers although evil i love those too, symbolism

50: Top 3 pet peeves - People dragging their shoes on the floor when they walk, when you tell someone your fav hobby/music artist/interest and they immediately go 'oh I hate X!', and people who go 'you're so quiet!!!' but in a way that draws in more attention and/or makes me feel more uncomfortable like i would literally rather die

51: Top 3 physical things you find attractive - Hands, nice hair, defined jawlines

52: Top 3 bad habits - Nailbiting, picking at my blemishes oops, lip biting

53: Top 3 pets you've had/wish to have - Cats bc they complete me, I've always wanted a Samoyed, and I've always wanted a turtle

54: Top 3 types of foreign food - Chicken Chow Mein, deep fried shrimp, japanese chicken wings

55: Top 3 things you want to say to someone in your lifetime - 'I quit', 'I love you', 'you changed my life'

56: Top 3 dog breeds - Samoyed, german shepherds, collies

57: Top 3 cheesy romance movies - You've Got Mail, How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days, 10 Things I Hate About You

58: Top 3 languages you speak/wish to speak - French, Sign, and maybe Japanese?

59: Top 3 series (book, movie, television) - The Cruel Prince series by Holly Black, A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas (but literally only for Cassian and Nesta), From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L Armentrout

60: Top 3 pizza toppings - Mushrooms, alfredo sauce, pineapple

61: Top 3 youtubers you're subscribed to - Game Grumps, Charlotte Dobre, Megan Batoon

62: Top 3 tattoo / piercing ideas - I want to get a tattoo on my wrist of the last thing my dad ever wrote me, a hummingbird tattoo right next to it, and then a cross on my index finger

63: Top 3 awards you want to win - National Book Awards, Nobel Prize, and maybe even Goodreads Choice Awards lol

64: Top 3 emojis - Laugh/Crying emoji, the please sir emoji that kinda gives off those puss n boots eyes, and the stars emoji

65: Top 3 cars you dream of owning - 1970s Chev Impala, tbh a cute little Hyundai Venue, and maaaaybe the 1964 ferarri 250 gt luso (idk if that name was totally right but i had to do tons of googling to find it. i don't know a lot about cars and i don't really have a top 3 lol)

66: Top 3 authors - Right now I'm really into Sarah J Maas, Sally Thorne, and Holly Black maybe?

67: Top 3 historical figures - Jesus, Anne Frank, Vincent Van Gogh

68: Top 3 baby names - Ryder, Leila, Gracie

69: Top 3 DIYs - Candles, refurnishing old furniture (i.e. my mom and i painted our wooden garbage can), and really just any type of autumn diy

70: Top 3 smoothie combos/flavors - Strawberry/Banana, Mango, Strawberry-Mango

71: Top 3 songs of this month - Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish, Biblical by Calum Scott, and Visiting Hours by Ed Sheeran

72: Top 3 questions of this post you want to be asked - I did them all bc I made it a survey instead of an ask meme ;)

73: Top 3 villains - Regina/The Evil Queen from Once Upon a Time, Cruella De Vil, and Moriarty from Sherlock

74: Top 3 Cities you want to see - Montreal, NYC, Vancouver (honorable mention: LA)

75: Top 3 recipes you want to try - different kind of salad and/or burger bowls, Stuffed bell peppers, and homemade lemon loaf

76: Top 3 dream jobs - Bestselling author, the person who runs a companies social media accounts, youtuber/blogger

77: Top 3 lucky items - tbh don't have one

78: Top 3 traditions you have - Christmas Eve Service and if I don't go to that at least incorporating reading the christmas story on christmas day or eve, idk if this counts as tradition but going to the corn maze every fall, and whenever it's easter/christmas/thanksgiving we always have a big meal w/ family

79: Top 3 things you miss about being a kid - reckless abandon, dreaming about growing up with hopefulness and no dashed hopes, experiencing holidays like halloween and christmas as a kid

80: Top 3 harry potter characters - I've never read or watched Harry Potter rip (ok well i saw the first and second (and maybe third?) movie in the sixth grade I think) but I think I really liked Hermoine, Harry obviously and Dobby

81: Top 3 lies you were told - i don't have 3, but this one has a story but basically when my sister and i were in elementary school my sister got hit by a car and so the insurance thing was that she would recieve 10k when she was 18 and as a child i thought that was unfair so my dad told me that my sister had to split it with me when we were 18 lmao obviously that didn't happen (i think i realized that wasn't true in middle school)

82: Top 3 pictures in your camera roll right now - Pictures of my cat, one of my sister in a hilarious filter, and a picture of my rocking my TS merch

83: Top 3 turn ons - Kindness, defined jawline, easy going

84: Top 3 turn offs - arrogance, unkempt, super loud and obnoxious

85: Top 3 magazines/news papers/ journals to read - I don't read much of those so I'll tell you some sites I love for writing purpose's: there's Wellstoried, justwriterlythings, springhole.net (which is filled with generators if you're stuck and also tons of infomation and advice)

86: Top 3 things you wish you had known earlier - that toad in Mario Party was wearing a mushroom hat and that it is actually not his head, that immaculate means 'clean' before i misused that word like several times over the years, and that the one turn i always take on my way to work where i thought everyone didn't know how to drive was actually bc i didn't have the right of way rip me

87: Top 3 spongebob episodes - the one episode where spongebob and patrick find a ghost ship, that one episode where they form a bikini bottom band and perform it at a football game in a little fish tank, and the one episode where squidward has his first snowball fight

88: Top 3 places to be in the world - I'd love to be in NYC, Montreal, or Hawaii

89: Top 3 things you'd do differently - I would not have applied for RDC, similarly I should have just paid the 500 dollars to the one certificate program I wanted to do instead of overthinking it, and I wish I wouldn't have ended a friendship the way I did

90: Top 3 TV shows from your childhood - Spongebob Squarepants, That's So Raven, and Hannah Montana

91: Top 3 meals you love - Turkey Burgers, Chilli, and Instant Pot Chicken Tortilla Soup

92: Top 3 kinds of tea - i don't drink tea

93: Top 3 embarrassing moments - one time in sixth grade I tripped and fell right on my face in front of my crush, this other time like a couple years ago i opened the door to my car and only realized much too late while i was staring at this random family that it was not my car, and when i went to the gas station to get gas and couldn't get my gas lid on my car opened and this guy had to help me which was already embarrassing enough but then the gas pump wouldn't work so i had to go inside to pay just to realize i forgot my wallet and had to shamefully walk back to my car and then run back inside the convenience store and then pay and then walk back to my car and finally fill my tank.

94: Top 3 holidays to celebrate - Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving

95: Top 3 things to do in the rain - have an existential crisis, pretend you're in a music video, walk through puddles like you're six again

96: Top 3 things to do in the snow - Sledding, Build a snowman, shovel it even tho you don't want to

97: Top 3 items you can't leave the house w/o - phone, keys, wallet

98: Top 3 movies you'd like to see - Jurassic World 3, Hotel Transylvania: Transformania bc i'm a child, and the animation of the addams family

99: Top 3 art mediums - Writing fiction/poetry, painting, music

100: Top 3 museums you've been to - Royal Tyrell Museum, Canadian History one in edmonton lol, and heritage park in calgary

101: Top 3 school memories - Middle school dances when the popular kids would grind to the song "Low" which was always an interesting experience, in the twelfth grade at winter formal when we all shouted "SHUT UP AND DANCE!" at the same time when they played Shut Up and Dance, and the day i left

102: Top 3 things you don't/Won't miss - School, my sisters ex, 2016 bc she was a rough year yikes

103: Top 3 pick up lines - "My name is Will. God's Will.", "I'd like to take you to the movies but they don't like you bring your own snacks", "are you from tennessee bc you're the only 10 i see"

104: Top 3 sports to watch - none of them

105: Top 3 taylor swift songs - all too well - exile - coney island

#survey

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aahsoka · 4 years

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So having been on tiktok for a bit I wanna talk a little about it.

What I like

It’s actually rather entertaining to scroll through up to 30 second videos one after the other. Sometimes the humor falls flat or it’s not your taste, but the algorithim is quite good at recommending the kind of content you will like.

I joined right when there was a big trend going around about sharing your culture, and soon after a Blackout trend where non-Black creators stopped posting for a day & spread/supported videos by Black creators. So I ended up with a fairly diverse fyp or “for you page”. It also quickly gathered that I am bisexual, so I get plenty of lgbt+ content. There’s some art mixed in there, some cosplay, some historical costuming/seamstresses, lots of avatar jokes lately, musical theatre content, fashion, girls in bikinis on rollerskates (in outer space), commentary on political issues, body positivity, all the kinds of stuff I like. To get a feed that caters to your interests you just have to watch & like videos you’re interested in & eventually it gets a feel for what you’ll watch and what you won’t.

Theres a trend where people say which ‘side’ of tiktok they’re on and I get ‘science side of tumblr’ flashbacks but I’ve mostly avoided the “straight” and conservative sides of tiktok. I would be considered a part of “woke”, “alt” (as in alternative) and lgbt+ tiktok (there are separate ones for each letter of the acronym). Possibly also “theatre” and “cosplay” tiktok. These categories are nebulous and you’re usually part of multiple communities; its just as arbitray as ‘science side of tumblr’ was.

The format reminds me of snapchat a little, and I love to talk to myself on video & post dumb thirst traps for my friends (none of which I’m attracted to so idk what my goal is there) and make stupid jokes. So this app is kinda perfect for my attention seeking side & hyperactive tendencies. Its very easy to consume on a short attention span, though not as easy as vine was.

Being in quarantine, its a way for a lot of people to engage in hobbies that involve community. Cosplay is pretty popular, as its a fun way to show off a costume & dress up & have fun without having to attend a convention. I enjoy the way lip synced audios can be used to emulate the character someone is dressed as; that’s something you couldn’t really do unless you were really good at impressions. Its a nice succinct way to show the process of creating a cosplay as well.

Those who enjoy theatre, but cannot perform in shows at this time, are able to create mini-monologues & sketches as well as sing parts of their favorite songs. Its an avenue through which to perform without putting anyone at risk of the virus. It’s also an easy way to show off your talents without having to go through the audition process & actually get cast in a show as a prominent enough role that someone will notice it.

It’s a convenient format for discourse and educational videos. Nice, short, easily digestible tidbits that stay in your mind. This extremely catchy song, for example: “Black neighborhoods are overpoliced, so of course they have higher rates of crime, and white perpetrators are undercharged, so of course they have lower rates of crime. And all of those stupid stats you keep using are operating off a small sample size. So, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up”.

As well as other videos where people take the time to explain historical events, satirize racist arguments to demonstrate why they are wrong, talk about prevalent tropes in movies, teach a few signs in ASL, share facts about their culture, etc, etc. I have found there are quite a lot of people there from unique and fairly unknown cultures and backgrounds- and this is a place where they’re able to share their culture & existence with people all over the world. There are a thousand different viewpoints. Their videos are doing far more for diverse representation than any other platform, I’d argue, as everyone is extremely visible on the app. (‘Their’ as in the creators, not the app itself).

I also have enjoyed coming across new artists on the app. It’s really fun to watch the process they go through, as most art videos deal with the whole creation of a piece. It’s inspiring. I have also come across a painter who’s work I’m in love with, and a woman who makes and sells the CUTEST ceramic mugs, and I need to purchase some stuff from them both.

Now onto the bad:

Unfortunately, the app doesn’t have much in the way of a filtering or warning system. I talked about that tiktok of the kids coming across human remains? That was just on people’s fyp. Just popped up. No warning. No reason for it to still be up. Traumatizing.

You can click on a video and say ‘not interested’ (I do this to literally every video I get where some girl is thirsting after kylo ren 🤮..... like I want the star wars videos just not THOSE videos). However, it doesn’t seem to know exactly why you weren’t interested, because I still get those videos from time to time. There’s no content filter where I can blacklist the kylo ren or any other hashtag.

There’s some very shitty content. There are racist conservatives. Misogynistic teen white boys. Really weird thirst traps. Videos where people lip sync to something with a straight face and tag it with #acting. Harmful body image trends. I thankfully stay very clear of this, but this kind of content makes me worry for the minors on the app. The one’s who don’t have enough of a concept of self yet to realize they don’t need to be able to do the newest pointless beauty trend to be beautiful, to realize it’s ok for them to be gay, to realize how predatory some adults can be, etc etc.

It is extremely easy to come across minors on the app who don’t look like teens. One time I went to a girl’s page and it said she was FIFTEEN. I’m usually good at guessing ages but something about this app messes that up. I wish there was a way to separate people under 18 and adults. Where I don’t have minor’s thirst traps popping up on my fyp. Where pedophiles don’t get a chance to curate that fyp intentionally. If anyone reading this has kids, I highly recommend they make their tiktok private or only viewable to friends.

Just like any site, there are plenty of bigots. Lots of racist comments. Plenty of transphobia. Any hatred you’ve seen elsewhere, of course it exists on tiktok. I have actually zero clue if you can report people & if it works. Most people seem to send a video commentary to their haters or duet a video of a racist pointing out their racism. I’ve heard of creators blocking people, however. I remember a tiktok of a Black woman who’s video somehow went fairly viral in Poland and now she gets a lot of racist comments from this large group of random racisf Polish followers she has and its extremely time consuming to block them all, as there’s no mass block feature.

The rumors about what works with the algorithm and doesn’t abound. I’ve heard well lit videos get more views. Many people suspect they have been shadowbanned for speaking out about current events. TikTok will remove the audio from videos sometimes if they deem it controversial enough. Most of us know they were criticized recently for intentionally keeping Black creator’s videos from being seen (a catalyst for the Blackout, actually). Or you may also recall when it was criticized for widely removing lgbt+ content. Those creators are fighting to be seen the same amount as straight cis white creators are allowed to be seen with no effort.

The effects some trends could have on teen girls. So many of them are already so uncomfortable in their own skin simply because of societal standards, but the absolutely meaningless challenges people come up with on tiktok make it so much worse. One trend was based around whether your finger touched your lips when you put it in your nose. Or if you could get your clasped hands around the back of your legs and over your butt (if they get passed, you have a flat ass, if they get stuck, its big). These completely arbitrary signifiers of the things you need to have in order to be pretty, are far more ridiculous that anything I have seen yet in my life. I worry about little girls taking these ideas to heart. There is a very kind body positive community on the app & I hope more people can find that.

There’s also that thing where they steal your data. Like most apps. But apparently they got a lot more invasive than usual, so I would look into it before making an account; if you want to do that.

I think the apps users can be great & its a pretty intuitive set up. It certainly deserves its popularity solely as a creative form of social media. That being said, its owners are so so insidious & do the worst things. Just like all other social media, its controlled by the worst kind of people. Who can never figure out how to effectively get rid of nazis or keep kids safe from adult content.

These are my less serious gripes with the app:

1) Lip syncing

When people lip sync and don’t do any kind of skit, joke, etc, just look as if they’re saying what someone else said; I hate that. I have to go back and find the original tiktok so I can like it instead. You literally did nothing interesting by ripping off someones audio and moving your lips along to it. So many people on this app are creative and so many others lack any semblance of creativity.

Also people are too easily impressed by lip syncing to kinda-fast songs. I lip synced to like....10 seconds of the devil went down to georgia and two people praised my lip syncing abilities. Like, I can also sing and talk fast, out loud, isn’t that more impressive? more skillful? The fiddle playing in that song is impressive, not the fact I can lip sync ‘the devil went down to georgia, he was lookin for a soul to steal, he was in a bind, cause he was way behind.’ Have you ever seen someone play Johnny’s fiddle solo????? It’s insane!!!

Rather than see someone lip sync to the verse in Stressed Out 2x faster than normal (which is, extremely simple and the song was overplayed and ingrained into our collective consciousness) and go WOW what about someone.....doing the verse out loud. You can litterally just mouth random words and look like you’re saying the right ones. It’s driving me crazy lmao. I’m set to become a God of tiktok because I have a repertoire of fast songs and rap verses memorized. It’s not even an uncommon skill to speak or sing quickly, people literally make rap music for a living! Listen to it maybe.

2) “Acting”

I am begging you to stop making me sit through those horrible POVs. I cannot take another girl not quite fake crying towards the camera as she lip syncs the words from a song that apply to the random situation she decided she was in. I cannot take another boy who thinks its sexy to stare into a camera and smirk in every single situation he creates.

Back to lip syncing, making facial expressions along to words isn’t really acting. Try saying the words out loud perhaps? The inflection you use with your lines is a pretty big part of acting. Like you can lip sync all you want, just stop tagging it with #acting.

3) Comedic timing, or lack thereof

You don’t need the entire intro to sit there looking at the camera waiting until the first line starts and you can lip sync to the part that’s the joke. You could cut off at least 15 seconds. Brevity is the soul of wit.

When your joke involves both reading text on screen and listening to the song for the punchline, if it isn’t done prefectly, its so difficult to follow. I can’t read a paragraph in 5 seconds. Paraphrase.

4) self deprecating artist audio

the audio thats like ‘this wont get views’ ‘I suck’ ‘you probably won’t see this anyway’ LOVE YOURSELF

It sucks when people dont enagage with your art but it sucks worse when your value in yourself and you art is based solely on receiving that validation. Please find a healthy medium.

Also you’re asking for pity, and you don’t want that. You want people who genuinely love your art for what it is.

5) editing videos is really hard how do you make such cool & smooth transitions????

please help me I don’t understand

Finally

here’s my account if you’re interested

#this long ass opinion article no one asked for #tiktok #social media #jordan talks #long post /

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sadlove4you · 6 years

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The 30 Day Tumblr Challenge

We are at it again bois.

Day 3 - My Favourite TV Show/Series

Okay so I don’t know why I’m excited to tell you my favourite shows. I definitely have a few of my favourites, also cartoon shows and anime if that counts lol

Okay starting off with:

1. OnMyBlock

You guys don’t understand how obsessed I am with this show!! This is one of my #1 favourites and now S2 is coming in a few days like holy shiit, feels like we been waiting forever. Watching the teaser and seeing Ruby opening his eyes at the end at me jumping 😂. I mean if they were thinking of not putting Ruby in S2 and he died then I ain’t watching S2. But can I say that Spooky is is fine as hell 😍 But anyway I recommend you guys go watch it, it’s da best, if you into that teen drama.

2. The Office

I love the Office, I always wanted to watch it from seeing memes on insta or Facebook all the time and now I finally got the chance too. It’s so funny and you just get every joke and just laugh. Also one good thing too is every episode is so entertaining and you don’t get bored. So if you wanting to find a new tv show to watch then come to this one. Another thing is that I love Michael’s personality, just trying to be the cool boss and even tho some episodes he can be annoying but then his very caring at the same time. Its cute how he finds everyone like a second family to him. Also can never get enough of Jim’s pranks on Dwight.

3. Black Mirror

Gotta say this is a pretty interesting tv series, I thought it would be one of those shows that just drag on but literally every episode is different and has its own story. I like how some of the episodes try to connect to the real world and what we do in our society. Also the fancy technology in this series sis pretty impressive but same time don’t want that type of technology being invented now lol I would have to say one of my favourite episode would have to be S4 Ep 4 - Hang the DJ. I was so confused at first and thinking the couple were trapped in some sort of game or world but at the end when it was them in a simulation for a actually a dating app, just blew my mind. That it was the process of the dating app to find the perfect match was really impressive. Also there’s a few keys points on how we work our dating life in the real world. But I was also happy there was a happy ending not like it is with Black Mirror. Another one of my favourite was S3 Ep1 - Nosedive just because I could relate to how we get sucked in the social media world and not in the real world. I more based on the you know you always wanting so many followers on social media and all these likes on your photos from people who you hardly hangout. Just seeing people or friends more higher then you, you kind of get that feeling you wish you were like that. Another thing too is now a days we see heaps and heaaappsss of fitness models that really hit you with ‘I want a body like that’ It kind of puts your self esteem down and trying to love your own body. I mean yes some models do help and motivate you to workout and all that but you gotta put in a lot of work and I’m just too lazy 😂

3. The End of the F***ing World

It’s a very unique show I must say. Even though James intention was to murder Alyssa in the first place but I still love the relationship between the two even though it was an unusual connection. But James came to fall in love with Alyssa eventually. If it weren’t for that creepy dude he murdered then we probably would of had a different story.

Okay now I’m getting into my favourite cartoon/anime shows

1. Tokyo Ghoul

One of my favourite anime series ever. Love a bit of action and gore which is what this series showed. Note that I’m not into the romantic animes, it kinda bores me. But honestly S3 was complete shit and was so confusing. Didn’t even connect with the last 2 seasons. But the other 2 seasons was 👌🏾 Noice.

2. Berserk

Listen if you want a bit of more gore and action then you should watch this. Love this show, literally finished it in a day and a half 😅. Guts is the main man and is probably my favourite character. But just a warning the ending is kinda fucked up and dark but I literally kept watching in confusion because it just escalated so quickly. I even read a few articles on what the ending meant but I’m still confused but overall still love the show. Was sad that everyone died suddenly expect Casca as one of the remake movies showed she survived but was obviously traumatised and lost her mind. Then had a demon baby which was fucked.

3. Rick & Morty

Gotta love this show man. Never knew I would like a show like this and understand all the humor 😂

4. Regular Show, Adventure Time & Amazing world of Gumball

If you don’t know what’s these shows are then GTFO! Jks but seriously these are pretty much the best cartoon shows ever, especially on Cartoon Network. Literally watch these shows growing up but I had a little sister that would watch these shows with me and our dad didn’t like it because of the crude humor and so on. So I haven’t watch these in awhile and going back to them is so nostalgic. It’s sad that these 3 shows had to end. I mean obviously a show gotta end somewhere but still. It won’t be the same :(

5. Love Death + Robots

I got to say this is a very interesting series. The animation was amazing but I was gobsmacked at the CGI which looked soooo realistic in some episodes. Literally finished it in a day. I mean yes it is a bit graphic but overall it was funny, dark and imaginative. But I do understand the sexual violence towards women in the series but at the end they got their revenge. But to say Sonnies Edge was probably my favourite episode and hope we can get a series happening or I’ll be disappointed haha.

——————————————————————————

Okayy I guess I’m done. Idk why I was so excited to talk about this topic for some reason. But tbh I’m not really a huge tv show fan as I mentioned before sometimes shows drag on and it gets really boring and I just move on to the next show. I mean these shows above are probably the only ones I enjoy the most out of every other show.

A good example of a show that drags on is Riverdale, literally. I hate this show so much and idk how people are still watching it. First season was really good then it just got worst. I mean is it just me or Veronica is really annoying and being with Archie is even worse.

Also another show that pissed me off was Shameless! ughhh really ticked me off when Debby eventually had the baby and the way she acts so stubborn literally fucked me right off. You know when you watch a show and it just doesn’t go the way it should and then you just stop watching. Also Game of Thrones, I’m that percent of people that hasn’t watch this shit at all. I recommend if you haven’t watch this show then don’t start because literally every episode is an hour and there’s like what, 20 odd episodes in the 6S. So good luck if you gonna start. But I did watch the first 2 episodes of S1 but it’s kinda weird with the brother sister thing lol I should just make a post of all the shows I hate and why 😂

But anywayyy sorry if this was soo long. Didn’t think it would be and it sucked because I couldn’t put more gifs in haha But if your feeling bored then recommended watching a few of these bad boys I have put down but if you have any that don’t drag on and are actually worth watching and not boring. Then please tell because I don’t want to start watching a show and then get disappointed during it.

Alright then see you guys tomorrow for Day 4

#day 3 #30 day challenge #tumblr challenge #tv shows #anime #tv series #bored #favourite #OMB #Black Mirror #tokyo ghoul #yeet #follow me

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the-obsessive-fangirl · 7 years

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Little Miss Popular 2/?

It had been a few weeks since you had been at the party at Stark’s and as much as you hated to admit it, you were missing the Avengers. You were never one to get properly attached to people but you had clicked with the team right off the bat. You were chatting to the photographer at a photo shoot about them and he was gushing about how lucky you had been to meet ‘Earth’s mightiest heroes’. “Seriously, darling, it’s as if you weren’t lovely enough you now become friends with the Avengers!“ Damien, the photographer, said. Damien was about as gay camp as you could get and you loved him for it. You had met him several times and kept in touch when you weren’t at the shoots. “They all are good people.” You looked slightly above the camera as if you didn’t know it was there. “Beautiful, Y/N. I bet they are, even after the whole ‘civil war’ thing. How does Captain America even look that good in mug shots? If I have mug shots taken I literally look like a mug!” Damien exasperatedly threw his hands in the hair as you laughed and changed position. “Oh come on, Damien! You always look great. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look bad.” You told him. “It takes years of beauty sleep to look this good, darlin’” Damien struck a pose and you laughed at him before grabbing a drink from the bottle hidden on set. Your phone pinged on the table that was off to the side. And then buzzed persistently. “Take a break, babe, get your beautiful ass out of them lights.” “You sure you’re gay?” “Does the pope say prayers on Sundays? Yes, honey he does and I am a sexy gay unicorn.” He looked at me with an eyebrow raised. You tried very hard not to laugh as you picked up your phone but you were very hard pressed to. It was a Twitter notification: Tony Stark tagged you in a post. Confused as to what the fuss could be about you unlocked your phone and went onto the Twitter app. To your shock and embarrassment it was a video of you singing the morning after the party. Your hair was in that messy ponytail, you were wearing leggings and a tank top and were dancing around the kitchen with a spatula. The comments were going wild. AvengersGirl67: OMG! Y/N is AMAZING!! KateisAwesome: When we thought L/N couldn’t get any better 😍 Jenny678: GOALS!!! AvengersTrash: Imagine if she was an Avenger! She would be a literal GODDESS 😘😇 TonyS4Lyfe: @AvengersTrash This needs to happen!! CaptainIron: Is everyone just going to ignore the fact that Y/N L/N can sing CRAZY GOOD? Girlthathasnolife: This is it. Y/N is literally everything I aspire to be❤️💕 “Damn girlfriend, you’ve got a set of pipes on ya!” Damien appeared by your shoulder. “I’m going to kill Tony.” You muttered as you continued to scroll through the comments. You scrolled back up through to the post and tapped the retweet button. You added a caption. Can I just say that it is very wrong to film someone and post it weeks later? ☺️ The second you tapped post your phone literally exploded. It wouldn’t stop buzzing from the continuous notifications coming through not only on Twitter but on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat as well. And the texts started. “You’re going to have your hands full now, Y/N.” Damon looked particularly smug at that. “This is why I prefer to be behind the scenes.” You mocked glared at him. “I could easily change that.” You threatened and he pretended to look horrified. “You wouldn’t.” “I would and you know I would.” Your phone continued to buzz and you glanced down. Shawn Mendes tagged you in a post. You looked at the post as you opened your phone. Is everyone going to ignore the fact that Y/N must have stayed over night at the Avengers Tower after the party? @Y/NL/NOfficial @TheTonyStark 😇 Your heart sank. Your phone was not going to be silent for days. Actually maybe even weeks. Quickly, you tapped on Settings and turned off all your notifications apart from texts and calls. Your phone was considerably quieter. You then scrolled through your contacts to find Shawn’s number to call him. “Hi Y/N.” Shawn answered his phone ridiculously innocently. “Don’t you ‘hi Y/N’ me! Why, Shawn, why?” Shawn laughed on the other end of the phone evilly “I’m being serious! I’ve had to turn off all my notifications apart from calls and texts!” This admission only caused the man on the other end of the line to laugh harder. “I’m probably going to get shipped with everyone single one of the Avengers now on like Tumblr or something!” There was silence on the other end of the line. “So you don’t think there’ll be fanfics about you guys then?” Shawn burst into a new round of laughter. “Shawn!” You screeched down the phone. You face was bright red and Damien was laughing next to you. “I’m posting the video later.” You smirked as Shawn’s laughter caught in his throat. “Don’t you dare, Y/N.” “Pay back’s wonderful isn’t it, Mendes.” You hung up the phone with a sickly sweet smile. Damien grinned at you. “You’re cold you know that?” “I know, Damien, I know.” You grinned. “Anything else for today?” He glanced at his notes. “Actually I don’t think so. You’re free to go, princess.” A couple hours later saw you changed into a F/C sundress with strappy sandals with sunglasses and a light denim jacket. Walking directly towards the Avengers tower. You groaned when you saw the amount of paparazzi surrounding the tower and began practicing answers in your head ready and plastered on your signature smile. When you made your way to the entrance the reporters immediately began hounding you, asking you questions about 'the social media battle’. “Y/N, what can you say about the video that Mr Stark posted?” “Is it true that you went to the after party of Stark’s summer bash?” “What are the Avengers like off duty?” “Y/N! Y/N! Did you really stay the night after the party?” “Is there tension between the team after the civil war they went through?” Suddenly amongst the chaos there was a small tug on your sleeve and you looked down to see a little girl with dark brown hair and a tanned skin tone. She held up a picture of you and of each of the Avengers. “Please can you sign it for me?” You signed your name on the picture of you and put little hearts around it for the girl. You handed it back and she gave you the other pictures of the Avengers. “Pwease can you ask thwem to sign thwese?” The girl looked up at you with big doe eyes and little and in that moment you made a decision. “I can’t do that for you.” The girl looked devastated. “But you can.” The girl looked confused before her entire face lit up and she threw her arms around your torso. You hugged her back and picked her up. “Is anyone here with you?” You asked kindly as you attempted to shield her from the worst of the cameras. “No.” The girl looked on the verge of tears. “Okay, how come?” “Mummy and Daddy are at work and thwey said that I could wry and get thwese signed.” “Where do they work?” You asked slightly worried about the fact that her parents had let her fight the paparazzi off on her own. She pointed at the building across the street, opposite the tower. You nodded and began to carry her away from the reporters much to their dismay and past the security guards keeping them back. You nodded to the receptionist who knew who you were and you waltzed through to the lift still carrying the girl. “What’s your name?” “Lila.” Lila clung to you as the lift ascended to the common room where you guessed they would be. “Have you got the pictures ready?” Lila showed you the pictures and the pen ready in her hand. “You’re more organised than me!” You joked as the doors opened. “Y/N!” Wanda shouted as she saw you from the sofa. “Y/N?” The team all looked to the lift now to see you and Lila step into the room. “Who’s the friend?” Steve asked from the chair he was in. Lila wiggled slightly and clung to you tighter as she hid her face in your neck. “This is Lila. She wanted to ask you something.” Nudging Lila, you put her now on the floor so she could stand yet she stayed close to you. She looked at you and you encouragingly nodded. She walked over to Tony who was stood slightly to the side and held up her pen and her Iron Man picture. You almost cooed at the sight. Lila barely came up to Tony’s torso and she was on her tippy toes. Tony bent down to be on her level. “Who’s your favourite Avenger, Lila?” He signed the picture and added little things to the picture. “My favwourite Avengwers is Bwack Widow and Scarwett Witch becawse thwey show thwat gwirls can do anythwing that bowys can.” Lila blinked at Tony as he gave her pen back before going to Wanda who was leaning against the counter bent down to Lila and gave her a quick hug and Lila teared up. Wanda signed her photo and added little swirls around it to represent her powers. She went around each Avenger getting them to sign the photos. When she had got to Thor you snuck your phone out and snapped a quick picture of the two because it was too adorable not to because even on her tip toes, Lila didn’t reach his hips. After she had got all her photos signed she rushed and hugged you, catching by surprise so you tumbled back a couple of steps. You hugged Lila back and chuckled. Her childhood innocence made you yearn for you to have had some when you were younger. Unfortunately, your mother had passed away during childbirth and your two older brothers and father blamed you for her death. And that’s without mentioning that your father was misogynistic and a violent drunk… Shaking yourself out of your reverie and scooping Lila up, you said goodbye to the Avengers. “Nuh uh, sister, you’re going to bring your self right back around here after you drop her back.” Sam rebutted and Tony agreed before you could object. “I’ll be right back.” You smiled and shook your head. And true to your word, you took Lila back to her parents, who were intensely grateful to you returning her, and returned to the tower. And the paparazzi. Oh the paparazzi. You ignored them to be blunt. Completely and utterly ignored them as you rode the lift back up to the common room.

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jwnbwnjwn · 3 years

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Entry 9 (05.09.2021) - (06.04.2021)

Before I get into things, I cant believe I haven’t been on here in almost half a year. Well, to be fair I do get on here, but just for a quick minute to see my small feed and then get off, or whenever I get those notifications from tumblr desperately trying to get me to open their app again. I actually have been meaning to get on here and write, but I guess it became one of things you say and never do. I just felt that there was so much on my life to update on that I kept pushing it back further and further. I know I don't have to, but someday I’d like to see what was going on in my time back in the day - both good and bad, Besides, it’d be an interesting thing for my kids and for my older self to look back upon and see what bullshit went on. Reading off my last entry, I see I brought up that keto diet again. Yeah, that shit never stuck. It was one of those things that I tried once and it went great, and then I kept trying it time after time and it failed every time. Even now, this month, Im still trying to get back into it. And by “getting back into it”, I mean I told Mr. that I was gonna do this diet with him, and then i continued eating like crap - but wait I have an excuse. My sisters birthday was the week that we were supposed to start, so I mean, I couldn’t step out on my sisters birthday bro, I had to eat that good good you know?

Covid is still a thing. Update on that though, I did get vaccinated. My university opened up vaccinations for students and so me and Mr. The first vaccination didn’t hurt at all, to be honest I didn’t even feel the dang thing go in. And it was so funny because after you get the vaccine they monitor you for fifteen minutes and Mr. legit had the worst luck and sat in the only available seat which was in the corner between an Asian girl who was on the verge of throwing up and someone who was laying down in a bed about to pass out. I mean, it was hilarious imagining if they were to throw up on him, and besides with the jokes we made, It was so hard to keep in my laughter. The second vaccine was about two weeks after the first, and there was some sting to that one. I didn’t get any crazy symptoms, but my head was spinning and i felt very tired, the best way I could describe it is when you’re really sleepy and you just wanna sleep all day and your eyes are heavy, like that. Like, the best type of sleepy where you’re about to knock out. The only bad thing to it was your head spinning but thats it, I guess it made you feel very weak aswell.

*Sidenote: It literally took me almost a whole month to come back to this draft and finish it. It is currently 06.04.2021.

Last thing I was talking about was the Covid vaccine. Yeah, the symptoms weren’t too bad, it was just the dizziness I guess. My sister got the vaccine this past month and she experienced the same symptoms as well, and so did Mr., Ice, and my mom. I already finished with my spring semester, and summer classes just started. I’m taking a Crij course this summer just to get it out of the way already, and I am retaking Biol 1 in Summer 2. Aside from this, it has been really shitty. I guess the least worst thing that’s happened so far is that my older brother came to visit back in March this year. I haven’t seen him in a long time, but it wasn’t all exciting. I’m not sure if I’ve talked about him before on here, but long story short, he’s caused my siblings and I a lot of trauma from when we were at a younger age. When he came, it was just one of those things where it was really awkward at first and then it just kind of became a “faking everythings good” type of thing. After this, shit really hit the fan.

I never thought this would be anywhere near a part of my story but,

*Trigger Warning: child exploitation*.

I believe I have mentioned before that I had gone to couples counseling with Mr. This was back in early-midway 2020. We had gotten better, so our counselor saw fit that we stop going. It was scary at first, because we felt like things were just going to collapse again now that no one was going to be there to help support our relationship in a healthy way, but it was actually great. Individually, I was really scared too. I mean, I was used to things blowing up eventually over and over again, so you could imagine the hesitation I had when I had to actually trust Mr. again, and I mean like actually trust. I was practically forced to put my walls down and trust him, and I fought him and our counselor so hard on it, but it was like the whole world was against me because left and right people were telling me to trust him, so I did. I was really worried at first. The first couple of months were normal, but there was several times where I would overthink things, and look for things to go wrong. I’d stay up and stalk his social medias, his friends social medias, like, I was looking everywhere. I guess this is what gave me the slightest hint about what was going on. I had gone through his likes on twitter and saw that he had “hearted” a photo of a girls onlyfans. And it wasn’t just a regular girl, It was someone we knew and went to highschool with. This girl was someone that Mr. and his friends would always tease and bully, and I don’t know why, maybe it’s some misogony, but there is always going to be something sketchy when it comes to a certain group of guys and girls they tease. They say all this stuff about them, but once that girl is exposed in the slightest, they are all there jerking their meat to them. Anyways, I confronted him about it and he said that he had clicked on the profile just to see what it was and once he realized what it was he exited out. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and moved on. Towards the end of the year, I’d say around late October, I started believing that things were okay. I even talked to my friends about it and stated how weird it felt for things to be okay, almost as if it felt wrong, but they assured me that if I had nothing to worry about, then don’t. To just be free, be happy. And then my world was crushed. In early to mid December, I woke up to several messages on my phone from a girl I recognized, but never had any contact with. I had previously known her because she was an ex to a former friend of mine. However, because she messaged me on messanger and deleted the messages before I had the chance to read them, I couldn’t see what was said. I was only able to see that I had gotten messages and that they were deleted. I replied to her and asked what was up, because I was extremely confused as to why this girl was messaging me in the first place. Her reply was, “Do you know “Mr.”?. This legit shook me to the fucking core because it is what I had feared all along. I was so tense for months, and once I had finally relaxed, this shit gets thrown in my face. She started asking if I knew my own boyfriend, and said that I might want to talk to him. I remember I kept asking her what was going on, but she just kept repeating the same thing; to talk to him first. And it was really odd because the night before, Mr. had messaged me a long paragraph explaining how he loved me, and how he’s made mistakes, and how life is so hard on him, and just basically explaining himself to me in such a vague way. But I took it to heart, because he opened up to me on his own after months of me asking him to. I didn’t wait to think of it as an apology for what was coming. That was the last message he had sent me before I got the message from this girl. Lets call her Desert. I was spamming Mr. with calls, texts, I even tracked his location and he had turned it off. Eventually I came to the conclusion that he had gone back to doing what he used to, which was something dealing with nudes or that he had cheated on me, or both. I ran to my friends scared half to death; I couldn’t eat, talk, I was freaking the fuck out. It’s almost as if my body knew, and was preparing itself. Mr. got back to me later at night, but he didn’t want to tell me anything about what was going on until I threatened to leave him. I recall telling him that I’m done waiting, and that I needed answers now or I was going to bombard Desert with them and hear it from someone else and leave. This is when he told me. He told me that months ago, after our couples therapy had ended, an old friend of his, someone we went to highschool with, lets call him Bucket. For some insight, Bucket is some bad fucking news. This guy is the last person you would want any of your family around. And I remember he had started talking to bucket and some other friends from highschool again, but I don’t know why my peanut brain didn’t think exactly who he was getting involved with again. Anyways, he told me that Bucket had reached out to him and asked if Mr. had any lewd photos of girls. Reminder: this was something they had been doing back in highschool. Mr. told him no, and that was that. Bucket kept coming back and asking, over and over again, and after Mr. gave some more thought to it, he remembered that he had his old SIM card from his old phone and that he might have something on there. He checked it, and sure enough there was. Let me pause you right here. When we were in couples counseling and as it was coming to an end, I expressed my worries about the SIM card. I had known that Mr. was doing this stuff back then, so I knew he had photos on this card. I think his phone had cracked or something like that, so thats why he got a new phone. When I asked about the SIM card, he said he had given the phone and SIM card to his sister, and that they were gone. I thought it was super weird because not long before that he said that he was hesitant to give the phone to his sister and idk what, it was weird. Anyways, back to the story. Mr. sent the photos to Bucket, and from there was the start of our downfall. Mr. got invested in it, and he got back into trading nudes and lewd photos of girls. This already sounds bad, but the worst part is that these were old photos. This SIM card went years back, and I mean years back to when he was in highschool doing this. What I am trying to get at is that he had photos of girls from highschool, meaning underage for the most part. Mr. is 22, and he was 22 at the time he got invested into this again. I didn’t even know what to think of it. I felt like throwing up, like my intestines were going to come out of my mouth and like I was going to die. I literally had a feeling of disgust and anger, not only for him lusting over other people, but the ages of the people he was lusting over. I, as well as many others, consider this child p^rn. I now had this idea that I was dating this pedophile for years, and was barely finding out. I felt like fucking dying, all those sacrifices, are for this? That was at worst as it got. Desert reached out to me to tell me about this, because Desert was Buckets ex girlfriend, and now babymomma. She had found out and let me know. However, Mr. found out she was doing this and talked to her, and convinced her that he would let me know and that it was for the better, and she let him. Desert sent me screenshots that she had found through Buckets account between him and Mr., and I can’t even begin to describe how hard my heart fell through my ass. It hurt like i just got shot in the throat. It was through her and these screenshots that I also found out that he had previously planned to hook up with one of our old friends, as well as other people. I’m not even going to go into the degrading words he had said about the fellow girlies I (used) to be friends with. It was a fucking mess when I met up with him. I told him that he was a pedophile, and it went to hell from there. I’m talking massive breakdowns, crying, yelling, you name it. I was telling him people were going to report this, hell, I told him I was going to report this. I’ll save you the hours of repetition, I didnt report shit, well, not at this moment. He also let me know that he had been buying this girls onlyfans, remember the girl I mentioned earlier, the one who I caught him hearting photos of? Yeah, he had been buying her onlyfans, and his friends and him were pitching in for it. What ended up happening was that Desert had told me and let me know that she was going to be notifying the girls that these pigs had photos of, and that it was up to them what they wanted to do. I let her know that it was fine, and that I would support whatever it was they did, meaning, if they were to make a report on them, so be it. He’s a grown man, he dug himself in this hole. What ended up coming of it all; I believe she is still notifying the girls about the photos and the pigs, because it’s still being brought up recently. I’m still with Mr., if that’s what you want to know. It hurt a lot, hearing it all, and I took some time for myself to figure out what I want to do, to figure out how to go about it, hell, to catch a breather. We didn’t spend valentines day together because of this. I was there to support him though, because he was scared that each day was going to be his last, meaning either the cops were going to get to him first or he was himself. I was there for him, I supported him, cared for him, even though I was supposed to be the one to receive that treatment. But I did it because I love him. I know it sounds stupid, especially if you consider everything. But I do love him. I’ve known this man for about 5 years, and even though he is such a fucking stupid person, I could tell this wasn’t the way he wanted things for himself. I could tell that he never wanted to be in that place, but it’s where he ended up. Mr. has been going through a rough time lately, I know how difficult things are for him. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but he’s at home all the time taking care of his very ill father. I can only imagine the lengths that something like that would take you through. I know many people suffer with many different things, and many use different outlets to release themselves of this pressure and stress. I believe because this was something that Mr. had previously been involved with, and because Bucket reached out at the time, this was the path that led him to the biggest mistake of his life. He found his comfort in these photos, this environment, these people. I know many struggle with porn addiction, drinking, sex addiction, intrusive thoughts, etc. I just think the demons caught him at the “perfect” timing. I believe he had been suffering through intrusive thoughts for a while. And with the stress and pressure from his family duties and his friends, it led to this. I know it hurt, and I never would’ve pictured ourselves in that situation, ever. But, I also knew that that person I was dealing with, was not the Mr. I knew. I knew he was somewhere in there, but I also knew that he was dealing with something greater than just stress. It was a whole mountain of ugly things. And yeah, I could’ve walked away and moved on with my life, but once you get to know somebody inside and out, and get to know and fall in love with them for every ounce of their being, I don’t believe the choice to “walk out” is there anymore. I believe at that point they become a part of you, they become family. It’s not that I didn’t have the strength or the choice to leave, because I did. It’s more that I couldn’t leave him to suffer knowing that’s what he was doing; suffering. I wanted him to get better, I didn’t want to see him behind bar cells, or even worse. I needed him to get better for himself, and for his future. I know many won’t understand, but that’s alright. As long as we understand, that’s all I needed. We stayed together, and overtime we took care of one another. We now stand in a better place, one where forgiving has been a big part of. It’s going well again. We tried going to couples counseling, but our counselor had a waitlist and pushed it all the way until the coming fall, and I mean im not going to be here so there is not going to be any couples counseling to begin with, but thats alright. We did do it for a week before she had to push us back, and in that week when I opened up to her about what had taken place, she believed it to be the extreme measures to involve cps and make a report. She made a vague report, and since I was the one to speak on it, it was as if I had made the report. However, nothing came out of it because it was not ongoing and cps didn’t think it was extreme enough to open up a case about. I think we have come to a place where were good now though. Recently, one of the explosive girls that they had photos of reached out to Ice, my very close friend, and warned her about the people she was involving herself with. She was talking about me, and how I am involved with Mr. I guess she warned her because people are starting to look at me weirdly for being his girlfriend. Ice let me know, and I told my friends that I would never put them in such a bad situation where they have to like who my partner is, and I let them know that if they felt like I was someone they no longer wanted to be associated with, then I would understand if they left. They didn’t leave. I don’t really care for people to start looking at me weirdly, because it simply isn’t like that. We know the truth, Mr., my close friends, and I, and I am okay with that. He started going to counseling again, and I have found myself at peace with the world. I understand how crazy it can all be y’know? I don’t know how I’ve come to be the person I am today, but I’m thankful for it. I know peace, I know life, and I know what love is. I strive to fill my life with these and live as comfortable of a life that I possibly can. My relationship is good, work is still being done, but it is good. I can ask for nothing more but for us to be blessed with another day of being together.

My relationship with my father has plummeted. I had reached out to him early in the year about what was happening in my relationship, and I did find my comfort in my own dad. However, what I failed to realize was that my own father was a man who had misogynist views of his own. I forgot that he was a creep, and someone who Mr. would end up like if he didn’t try to make himself better. Along with this, I realized the absence he made in my family and the way he treated my siblings. My sister and mom have talked to him, and oh man, did my sister and I let him have it. He knows why we aren’t speaking. He constantly apologizes, says he’s been “joking” about the way he sees woman, as if joking about it for the last 20 years is even possible. It’s just gaslighting, and it’s not working. That’s why we don’t talk anymore. He can’t even realize how sick he is, and tries to save his ass from losing his daughters by calling it “joking”, which evidently makes it worse.

I have reached out to a former professor of mine to be my mentor, and he has said yes. This man is someone I highly respect who I took for an Engl course for my basics. He’s an older man, who just recently retired from teaching. I’m just glad I can be able to remain in contact with someone who I see myself in.

I can also finally say that I am finally moving to my dream university this coming fall. It has all been approved, and I have a dorm and all. I’m very excited, but also saddened to be leaving my family and friends. I also have to share that I have a job now! I am currently a hotel receptionist working night hours, which is where I am writing this blog at right now. I love this job, and I love the people and the hours. It’s very peaceful for a college student like myself.

Well, I’ve finally caught you guys up. I hope it brings you a giggle to say that through writing this, I have a slight lag to my typing because of all the shit I had to say. I’ll try to write more often. I hope you guys remain safe. See you soon.

Ended this at 06.04.2021 at 5:28 AM.

-jen

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samtheflamingomain · 5 years

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phone-a-holism

I’m surprised I’ve never talked about social media in any real capacity given that I often post to a social medium.

I used the singular for a reason: I only ever post to tumblr. I rarely use Facebook, Twitter, Reddit and Instagram, and I’ve never used any others. And I only ever use them on a computer, except Instagram. I don’t even have the apps on my phone. I’m like a middle-aged balding man, I only use my phone to text, check the weather, set alarms, take shitty pictures of my cat and call people.

I just want to talk a bit about my experiences with social media and why I don’t use them on my phone like most people.

Let’s start with Facebook. I post maybe two/three times per month. I use messenger every day, but I consider that more like texting than social media. I check it once a day or so, almost never interacting with anyone’s posts. I basically use it to keep track of which of my high school friends are getting married or having kids. Which, when I see it typed out, sounds much creepier than intended.

I don’t much care for the format or the content, but if I write something on tumblr I want people I know to see, I’ll share it to my Facebook. But other than that, funny stories or a particularly poignant meme, I don’t post much. I’m not particularly interesting, so my life isn’t very “Instagramable”, and if I want to post my thoughts about something specific, I’d rather do it on a blog than a “timeline”. I think another reason I don’t use it much is because it bores me, to be completely honest. I don’t really care about the daily lives of most people, and most people don’t care about my daily life. Daily life is usually pretty boring.

Twitter. I think I have about 30 tweets total. I literally only use it because it’s my best friend Connor’s only social media activity besides the occasional Instagram selfie. I occasionally read Trump’s tweets, but I can only absorb so much stupid before feeling like I need brain bleach. I don’t tweet often because 1. I have exactly 15 followers, and b) I really don’t know how to tweet properly. I feel like I’m incapable of making a joke land on twitter, I don’t know why. Also I have never felt the need to use a reaction gif in my life.

Instagram. I actually use this more than I realize now that I’m thinking about it. I only check it a few times a week, but it’s the only social media where I’ll scroll until I’m caught up. I only follow maybe 25 people I consider somewhat-friends from high school. I use it mainly to post Very Important Content: pictures of my kitty being adorbs.

I actually use Youtube and Reddit every day, but 90% for news. I never comment or post, so I really don’t consider Youtube social media, but I guess Reddit does technically count because I do read comments there.

The reason tumblr is my main go-to, I think, is threefold: quantity, variety, and depth. I follow about 20 active posters, which generates a large quantity of content, where I can scroll for 2 minutes or 2 hours and still be consistently entertained or engaged. I, too, can post about 8000 specific fandoms/topics/news items, so I never feel like I have nothing to post.

Variety in my interests has led me to follow a wide variety of blogs to keep the content mixed between my fandoms, news, jokes, memes and discourse. Keeps me from getting bored of the same shit.

Finally, because tumblr is, at its core, a blog, I can read essays about specific episodes of The Office, I can read a list of reasons Lady Gaga is problematic, I can read long internet arguments and have my opinion changed. Or I can laugh at a cat falling over. Similarly, I can post a 5000-word analysis of That 70′s Show or a snappy one-liner. The things that interest me vary in depth, so I enjoy that my dash does too. I’d say this is almost unique to tumblr, but Reddit also has that quality, which is why I use Reddit quite a lot as well. Where else besides r/badsurvivorideas will I read about themes for Survivor seasons that would be disasters?

But the reason I’m posting about social media is because I can boast something most people my age cannot: I’m not even remotely “addicted” to any social media nor my phone. I don’t boast this fact because it makes me sound like an octogenarian, but it’s completely true. I’ve spent weeks without access to social media (on the mental health ward in the hospital) and the only thing I missed was watching Youtube. I even used an app that told me how many times a day I checked my phone. 11. The average is nearly 60 if I recall correctly.

I don’t like typing on a tiny screen, watching things on a tiny screen, or using touchscreens in general. I also spend most of my days in front of a computer anyway, so I see no need to take my social media use onto another device.

As an alcoholic, I understand the underlying notion of addiction, but addiction to social media is one I just absolutely do not understand. Not dissing people who do suffer from addiction to social media just like I’d never diss a coke addict. I certainly would never do coke, but that’s just me, specifically because I’d be afraid of it making my anxiety worse. But addiction is addiction, and often we don’t get to choose what addiction takes hold of us.

Anyway, just my thoughts. Stay Greater, Flamingos

#addiction #social media #facebook #twitter #instagram #sam

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micleadd7 · 7 years

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Social media

Just add me on Facebook. Did you see my lunch the other day on Instagram? CleverBets2017 is now following you.You have been added to the whats app group Jeans 40th birthday. I guarantee at some point in the last few years you have all heard these things be you a Twitterer, Facebooker, Instagrammer, whatsapper or otherer (there's always an otherer) the crazy world that is socialising and social media absorbs your daily being, turning you into a mindless scrolling zombie. Flicking from one app to the next without a care in the world. Have we forgotten the days of calling people for a chat in the kitchen because that's where the phone is? looking through pictures you have had developed from holidays gone by? TEXT MESSAGING!? HAVE WE LOST OUR WAY IN A BLUR OF CLICK BAIT ARTICLES, MEMES AND COMMENT SECTIONS ON GROUPS THAT OFFEND THE PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE OFFENDED!! Let's start at the beginning.

Firstly I must point out the thing that makes most of this possible, the enabler of such activity, without it people would sit in a bar by themselves waiting for their friends awkwardly, the smart phone. Iphone/Samsung/Pigeon carrier whatever you are you have the tech literally at your fingertips to engage with anyone anywhere at any point. Bluetooth, 4g, WIfi, order a taxi, order a pizza for the taxi, watch TV, listen to the radio, I mean what is there that your smartphone does not do? What happened to the days of 3 ringtones per phone, polyphonic nonetheless, the genius that was snake, phones that when you dropped them instead of the screen smashing into a thousand pieces you feared for every bone in your foot. Now you have a bing, ding or some other strange noise you've never heard before and that's it, you are taken away into the online world forever, well not forever but at least for the foreseeable.

Ok anyway the beginning, well maybe not the beginning let's not forget Myspace with its click counter and putting your friends in order of who you liked the most. But no the real beginning for me has to be the arrival of Facebook. Facebook changed the boundaries of social etiquette in so many ways. People; be it dates, friends, random weirdos at a party or work no longer exchange phone numbers or show pictures. No no that's no longer necessary, ‘What's your full name?’ That is necessary, and a whole lot simpler to try and guess than a long list of numbers. Yes a person's full name is all you need for a full back catalogue of the last 10 years of anyone's life. Pictures, relationships, family members, age, home town, which spice girl you dressed up as at your local school disco it's all there, waiting for you, willing you to find it! More info than any sane human being should be able to process after 5 minutes of facebook stalking someone. Oh yes that's the other thing, I mean another thing, there are many things. Facebook stalking someone is widely known and accepted. As if this level of intense research into someone's life is any different from actual stalking. Looking through Katies pictures from her trip to Benidorm in 2003, specifically pausing on the bikini clad pics is just as creepy as standing outside her house in the rain hoping to steal a glimpse of her in the shower. Katie if you are reading this you can't prove anything. I guess the difference being is Katie put those pictures on Facebook right? So she wanted people to see them right? Her friends right? In which case she should be ok with her friends waiting outside her window in the rain, trying to get a glance at some sideboob action. Not sure why it has to be raining but it just does.

So what's your name? Add me on facebook. If they are interesting enough you trudge through making opinions on things. The thing is Facebook is a keyhole into someone's life that they want you to see. We all know this yet we all forget it. People (and when I say people I mean everyone) are fabricating whole lives through social media. Informing overs about brilliant family get togethers, forgetting the 16 arguments that occurred on the day and merely commenting on the pictures with everyone smiling. Adding road trip tags about how awesome the journey was even though Dave was asleep the whole way and Nick wouldn't stop farting. Or there's the amazing stays in hotels or brilliant 5 star meals or BBQing with every friend possible… You can forgive people for wanting to only post the most exciting parts of their lives, I do the exact same thing but just once i'd like flick open the app and see:

Katie is thinking about staring at a tree.

It would probably get the same amount of likes anyway!

All that being said there are several scenarios that have grown into the very fabric of FB. Those things that happen which we all know about but either ignore, forget or are apart of. The ground to cover here is vast so I will move quickly;

The sheer anger towards each other in comment sections on a post nobody can even remember after the 45 replies is embarrassing.And it always ends with someone correcting someone else's fucking grammar, And no Michael Jackson isn't just here for the comments and popcorn.

People who re-post nonsense that starts with, ‘Most of your friends won't have the guts to re-post this’ can all suck a bag of dicks.

People who still play games and still send out invites - HOW ARE YOU STILL DOING THIS?

Click bait articles in which you never get the answer to the question posed in the headline which just makes me so mad I want to argue with anyone in the comments section.

When you see people still fraping each other and it depends on your mood as to if it's funny or not that MIke loves huge cocks.

And then there's this;

Saying Happy birthday on your birthday. I kid you not I have both posted happy birthday on a good friend's wall when he changed it for a joke looking like I have no idea when his birthday is and also missed a good friend's birthday because they took it down from Facebook. In fact the alert of someone's birthday on every single morning of every single day reminds me that i'm still friends with that person on here and that I should remove them from my Friends list, HAPPY BIRTHDAY INDEED! I do enjoy the Happy Birthdays on my birthday though, I wonder how many friends I lose on that day. Imagine that last sentence attached to real life, ‘I wonder how many friends I lose on my birthday’. Yeah thanks Facebook.

After all that nonsense there's then the people which I always say I will never be but will never know until I get there, Mums and Dads. The people who feel the need to show their children off to the whole internet every time he/she sneezes. Don't get me wrong, new parents I understand, absolutely, but there's a point where it surely must stop.

So proud of little Tommy here he is on:

His first day at school. 20 likes

At a swimming Gala 30 likes

Riding a bike 35 likes

Sleeping 100 likes.

FUCK OFF, i'm serious. How Is it that parents manage to escape the ability to realise that nobody else on earth is as interested in their child as much as they are. Well apart from the Savilles of the world but surely that's just adding to reasons why little Tommy on a bike should be kept to exactly that. I mean you wouldn't walk up to a stranger in the street and go, hey guy look at my kid in his new school Uniform, you like? Just give me a thumbs up and then tell all your mates to come look and give me a thumbs up as well.

Saying that I want to see pictures of your kids (sounds odd) about as much as I want to see pictures of your dinner. A friend of mine whatsapped me the other month (because nobody texts anymore. You all have that one friend that still texts you and you can't understand why) asking if i'd seen his dinner from the night before. What on earth happened before facebook/Instagram? Did people invite the neighbours over to look at their food before telling them to go away so they could eat it? Stupid thing is if someone stalks me ON FACEBOOK long enough i'm probably guilty of this myself. If like me as well you grew up with facebook when it first became a thing, I was at UNI. Hundreds of pictures of me being drunk and doing stupid things went up over a 3 year period. I was completely oblivious to the concept that my Parents Aunties/Uncles and all relatives may at some point join this network, leaving a huge window into my life open for anyone to see. Adam why are you in a shopping trolley at 6am? At least it's not my dinner!!!

While Facebook was the poster boy for socialising online there were many other apps following suit which had you mindlessly scrolling through smart phones as if other people were simply not in the room. To coin a phrase, does your phone want a drink? If it's not instagram with its crazy hashtags, #blog #tumblr #words #life #trees #Lettuce it's Twitter with well it's crazy hashtags, or SnapChat or Tinder or Fuckafish. I made that last one up but i'll bet if I had a quick look I would find an app for such means, probably endorsed by Bear Grylls.

With all this mindless scrolling going on we venture into the world of whatsapp. Past the causal 1-2-1s you have with your friends where you send constant pictures of yourself smiling like an idiot because you are bored of checking if your twitter post has been retweeted, there's the groups. Not as in Louis got the groups but the groups. You will have a group of friends group, a different group of friends group but with certain friends from the first group in that group, a family group and birthday group, a work group, without that dick from finance, a travelling in the car somewhere that nobody comments in anymore because you went wherever you were going group, a holiday group, a friend's pet group a... you get the picture. Your life is taken over when you wake up to 50 unread messages, mostly because Nick posted a funny meme or Rachel wants the money for the birthday present.You reply as thoroughly as you can copy and pasting Nick's now that you've woken up hilarious meme into several other groups, pleased with the joke stealing laughs you are getting. Even if they all seem to be out loud. You find you have lost hours of the day communicating with people you could have just gone to see.

Further to that time wasting notion the creators then bought you whatsapp.web. Allowing you to have the app on your desktop, a sort of throwback to Messenger but with less smileys in people's titles and no nudge function. Shame on the no nudge function, loved having the feeling of a headache portrayed on a computer. So yes Whats app on your computer. At home. At work more like. With a million and one things to do, you are busy chatting to friends, family members and anyone who wants to listen. Tweeting about something completely unimportant, clicking through picture after picture of a lovely pie and mash or cheese board or a dog's dinner on Instagram only stopping to briefly stalk that girl you met last night on Facebook, she didn't give you her number but that's ok you don't need that. You've got a complete overview of what she's been doing for the last 10 years or so.Hell you don't even need an umbrella, it's not raining in your office.

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