#but also I would be alone which isn’t normally a big deal to me but I’ve never experienced this before so I’m kinda scared?

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I’m trying to write the next part of the sibling verse and I’m a little undecided over how things should go… so I’m thinking maybe I should just try and start the lying verse instead. I’ll edit the first part of the POV series later, I’m planning for a lunar new year update since it’ll be my day off. But we’ll see. I should also edit my Valentine’s Day ficlets too… I’ve not been on it at all writing wise with being busy amongst other issues… also trying to talk myself out of a big purchase but I’m kinda the worst at that cause I’m all about experiences and it’s literally on my bucket list! There’s a reason why I keep saying I’m self indulgent as hell, in all aspects of my life I’m like this *sigh the problem with being an impulsive fangirl with no chill. I’m supposed to be a responsible adult and I do not act like it

Just an addition, yo this lie verse is so typical lots of love vibes, like this is all my fics. Literally, I say this as if I don’t write fics that are like my vibe, but still. I’m just reading through my overall outline and I’m like this is what I was thinking??? Definitely very reminiscent of when I started this writing thing. Which means I hope I can keep it short, but also I’m impatient which is why I fail. I never wrote it cause too many other ideas but also cause I’m so bad at executing my visions cause I’m too impatient! Basically what I’m trying to say is, authors who can write slow burn well and keep things not super sappy I applaud you cause I could never. My brand really is just a fangirl with a bunch of ideas she speeds through cause she cannot keep focus and do it justice completely. And this is why I could never do this professionally, it’s an art and I’ve definitely not mastered it. Not even close

Unrelated thought that I’m just gonna let sit for a moment cause I don’t wanna get into it, but I’m generally curious over what the rest of the shippers think about the level of attraction between them and how extreme it can be. Cause I have my extreme of toxic as hell and girl you need run via the adoption divergent of the marriage verse. But generally I prefer softness and it’s what I typically write. But some fics I read make me want to explore the more extreme side… okay for real gonna go to bed now. Nighty night 😘🩵🌙

Update: I’ve sorta edited the valentines event ficlets and I’ve finally settled on a summary of sorts for the lie verse. And I wrote one whole sentence! Tomorrow I’ll have to edit the pov verse. I’m still unsure over the sibling verse, so it’s on the back burner. It’s a good thing I never make promises to update regularly cause I’m the worst at that

Update 2: I’ve started the lie verse and I’m undecided how long each chapter should be? Cause I also don’t know how many chapters there will be either??? Decisions, decisions… I’m 1.5k into chapter one and I’m at a good stopping point… but idk.

[justmeinadaze]

We're A Family Part 10 (Steddie X You)

A/N: I had many feels with this one. From this point forward I may start aging everyone up a bit just because I have some ideas with Steddie being girl dads and then Dylan needing them for advice all growing boys need. Im also drooling to get to teacher Steve... We also may throw another kid in there. Idk. Definitely not 6 @sidthedollface2 !!!

Warnings: ANGST and SMUT with a dash of fluff. Reader interacts with her mother which is always fun (I may also be dealing with things personal in this regard that flowed into my writing...), Reader and boys fight! I know! Its a small one though. She mentions feelings from her previous marriage and feeling like she isn't enough. Um...I think that it.

Word count: 4085

“Dada…da…da…”

“I know, sweetheart. I miss them to.”

You and Aurora were sitting on the floor of your bedroom while Dylan laid a few feet away patting the floor. 

“Come on, Ro. You can do it.” She giggled at her brother as she tried to take a step forward before falling back on her butt.

This was the fourth day in a row that the guys hadn’t been home in time for dinner. Eddie had been working late at the shop while Steve had stayed behind at school to work on a project he had due. You missed them terribly but you would never bring it up. They were both working so hard to take care of you and the kids but you’d be lying if you said there weren’t a few times you had some flashbacks to your previous marriage. 

You reminded yourself constantly that this was different. Charlie had always been out on the town with his friends or fucking other women behind your back. Eddie and Steve were both at work. You weren’t allowed to be angry…right? It’s ok though. The guys said tomorrow everything would go back to normal…right?

The sound of your phone ringing startled you back to reality. 

“Hello?”

“Hey! Is my son there?”

“Lynette? No, he isn’t and if he was I wouldn’t let you talk to him.”

She aggressively sighs. “Just like Wayne. So fucking self-righteous. I need to know if he’s going to the hearing.”

“Oh, well, I can answer that. No. Now leave him alone.”

Dylan laughed as you hung up the phone. “You’re so spicy, mom.”

“Yeah, it comes with old age.” He laughs harder as you laugh with him. “You want to watch a movie, weirdo?”

##################

Steve sighed as he quietly opened the front door to a relatively dark house. Like you had been doing all week, the kitchen light remained on illuminating the entryway enough for him so he could see. 

“Hey, Munson.”

“Harrington. You’re just walking in to I see?”

He nodded as he reached for the fridge door, softly smiling at the food you left behind for them. 

“We don’t deserve her.” As he turns back around, he notices Eddie reading the note you left behind. Even though you could text them, you always left a note on the counter giving them a play by play of the evening. The metalhead hands it to Steve as he retrieves a beer and leans against the counter. 

“Eddie and Steve,

Dylan insisted on Chinese food so I ordered you both something and left it in the fridge. He had a good day and even told me about a new girl in his class :P. I think he likes her.

Ro still hasn’t got walking down. Our son keeps calling to her like she’s a dog and all she does is laugh lol She has definitely mastered crawling for sure. I saved the lives of one of your guitars, Ed!

She asks for you guys a lot. At night while we’re watching tv, she’ll point or look around and call out for ‘dada’. She misses you two…we all do…

Eddie, baby, your mom called my phone tonight looking for you asking about the hearing. I told her you didn’t want to go. I wanted to give you a heads up just in case she tries calling you to.

I love you both so much,

Y/N <3 “

“Steve, one of us should at least be here.”

“I know… I don’t know what to fucking do, Eddie. This is a big project for the semester and then I have to still go to work and make money. What about you?”

“I’m working to, man. I have more responsibility now and not just here. I…”, he exhales as he heads for the stairs. “I’m too fucking tired.”

Their hearts break when they enter the bedroom, finding all three of you asleep on the bed. Steve carefully picks up Aurora from your chest as Eddie pries Dylan from your hip, carrying them to their respective areas. 

Without even changing, they threw themselves into bed next to you, pulling you into their embrace as they fell asleep. 

#############

When you woke up, they were both already gone for work. The only reason you knew they even came home was because you could still smell their scent lingering in the sheets. 

For the rest of the Saturday, you busied yourself around the house to make the time go by faster. Eddie and Steve were supposed to come home by 6 but the anger didn’t start to rise until 7 when neither of them had come back yet. Stomping to your phone you noticed a few texts you had missed. Steve said that the group he was working with in his class had some free time so he was going to run to one of their houses to finish up their project and Eddie said he had to work late again but promised he’d be home by 8 at the latest. 

You fumed as you paced in the kitchen. They promised today everything would go back to normal. They told you things were going to go back to how they were so they could at least see the kids before they went to bed. Without thinking it through you grabbed your phone and texted them a response.

“Fuck you both.”

Thirty minutes later, both boys angrily barreled into the house, shocked to find not you but Kierra in the living room. 

“I don’t know what you two did but my sister is pissed.”

“Where is she?”

“She said she needed to let off some steam.”

“Kierra, come on, we know you know where she is.”

Your sister glared in their direction, rising to her feet with Aurora on her hip. 

“Dada. Dada.”, she clapped reaching for Steve.

“I’m taking them to my house to spend the night. Talk to her, gentlemen. Y/N can handle a lot but she won’t put up with another Charlie.” It was their turn to glare, hating being compared to your douchebag ex. “She’s at The Hideout. Bring your shield and swords. My sister isn’t exactly a happy drunk.”

##############

I’m not supposed to be angry. I’m not supposed to be angry. I’m not—” 

You chugged back the liquid in your glass as you lit another one of Eddie’s cigarettes. You imagined you looked pretty pathetic in a dark bar, smoking a cigarette in a shirt and jacket that were two sizes too big but you needed them close to you. Eddie’s jacket and one of Steve’s button up shirts were blanketed in their smells that had you hugging yourself as you tried to push back the tears that tried to run down your face. 

“Man trouble?” Your eyes shoot up to meet your moms as she sits diagonal from you at the bar, ordering a drink of her own as she lights up the cigarette in her mouth. “I swear me being here is a coincidence. It seems Mrs. Harrington and I don’t have a lot to talk about these days. Plus, she spends less time at that country club now that she’s at your house more.”

“Can I just drink alone, please?”, you whine. 

Your mother nods as she takes a sip of the martini that was handed to her. “How’s, um, how’s Dylan?”

“You would know if you bothered to come by or even call.” She looks down as you snap at her, immediately feeling guilty. “He’s doing ok. He plays baseball now and is dead set on teaching Aurora how to walk.”

“Is that the baby’s name?”

“My daughter, your granddaughter? Yes, it is.”

Your mother sighs as she turns to fully face you. “I don’t have a problem with her. I hope you know that. Janet showed me some pictures of her. She’s really beautiful.”

“No, you just have a problem with her mother being together with her fathers.”

“That’s what I’m talking about, Y/N! She has ONE father. ONE parent. How are you going to explain that to her when she gets older. Hell, how are you going to explain it to her now?! I imagine for a toddler that will be extremely confusing. And have you even considered what school will be like for her?! You’re so selfish, Y/N.”

You chugged down the rest of the liquor in your glass as you began to subtly cry. You already felt selfish for being angry with the boys…this is the last thing you needed. 

“Y/N, let me call Eddie to pick you up!”

“I’m not driving, Nick!”, you shouted as you exited the bar.

As you began your trek into the parking lot, your mother’s voice floated from behind you. 

“Y/N, come on. Let me drive you home.”

“Don’t!”, you snap as you turn on her. “Don’t pretend like you fucking care about me now. Don’t patronize me and pretend like you give a fuck about me or my kids! You told Charlie all about my life and things he didn’t need to fucking know which kick started a brand-new custody filing which fucking back fired because even a court so far seems to think my home is better than his! He felt so cornered he took him from school without telling me and got arrested. Did you know that?”

“Did you know that no one makes fun of Dylan at school and most of his friends think it’s ‘cool’ he has three parents? Of course, my son doesn’t care about that. All he cares about is the fact that he finally has men in his life who are there and actually make him feel wanted!”

This was a long time coming. Everything you been holding in was finally spilling out of you and you couldn’t reel it back in. A hand suddenly touched your arm but you didn’t bother turning around. At that moment, it didn’t matter. 

“Y/N, baby, come on.”, Steve murmured before you yanked out of his grasp.

“Aurora may only be one but believe it or not she understands that these two are her father. Biologically, yes, one helped make her but it takes more than that to be a parent but you wouldn’t understand anything about that, would you? I haven’t seen you in almost 2 years and why?! Because I found two good people I love and love me back? Jesus, you’re right. I am fucking selfish! I’m not perfect!”

As you spoke, Eddie and Steve tried to pull you towards the car but you kept fighting to get out of their grasp. 

“Why am I not enough for you?”

Eddie finally stepped in front of you, blocking your mom from your view as he grabbed your biceps forcing you to look at him. 

“Stop! Stop... Get in the car, sweetheart.”

Steve opened the back door, guiding you in before facing your mom. “You know, for someone who cares about how people perceive her, you give off a really shitty image. Maybe it’s time to consider if you’re trying to impress the right people.”

#############

You barge into the house and head straight for the liquor cabinet in the kitchen.

“Fucking child proof...garbage…ugh!”, you whine as you aggressively pull on the child lock attached to the door.

“You don’t need anymore alcohol, Y/N.” Both men were leaning against opposite counters watching you. 

“I’m sorry, Steven, but you don’t get to tell me what to do. I’m an adult—”

“Whose acting like a child.”, Eddie cut you off.

“Said the man who acts like a kid 24/7.” You glare at them as you exhale. “Fuck this. I’m going to bed.” As you tried to head towards the stairs, they both cut you off. “Move.”

“Or what?”, Steve challenged. 

It had been awhile since you saw this version them; the angry version that didn’t mind playing into your attitude with a fury of their own. 

Turning on your heels, you planned to go around the counter through the living room but Eddie cut you off. 

“What was that text about? ‘Fuck you both.’”

“You BOTH promised me you would be home today?!”

“Sorry, honey. Shit came up. It’s not like we’re out on the town or having any fucking fun! Eddie and I are working our asses off!”

“So do I! I work an 8hr shift AND come home to take care of TWO kids alone!”

“We talked about this, Y/N. You knew when Steve started school and I took that promotion our schedules would be tight. You said you were fine with it.”

“Well maybe I’m not! And tight is completely different that not seeing you at all.”

“What do we do then, huh? You want me to quit my job so we can scrape by for the next year and a half? Maybe, Ed can go back to his old position that he hated. At least everyone would be fucking happy!”

You marched outside, slamming the backdoor as you lit a fresh cigarette. 

“Hey! Don’t walk away! We aren’t done.”

“I DON’T KNOW!”, you screamed. Your hands beginning to shake as the tears started to flow again. “I don’t know, Eddie. I-I know I’m not allowed to be angry and I know that you guys aren’t doing anything wrong or anything like that. But I hear Dylan talk and see Aurora search for you…then I go to bed alone and I just…I feel like I did when I was married to Charlie.”

“That’s…”, Steve aggressively sighs as he tries to control his temper. “That’s not fair, Y/N.”

“I know but, fuck. Maybe I am selfish.”

“If there’s one thing you’re not, sweetheart, it’s selfish. Don’t bring your mom’s ignorance into this because what she thinks about you and us doesn’t matter. What I do want to focus on is you’re the second person today to compare us to your ex and I don’t fucking like it.”

“Me either.”, Steve chimed in.

“Y/N, we know you went through a lot with him and still are but we aren’t him. How would you feel if we said something you did reminded us of Emily.” You cringed at the thought. “Exactly. We would never fucking hurt you the way Charlie did and we would never fucking give up on you either.” You made a funny face in his direction so Eddie continued. 

“Baby, he stopped fighting for you the moment he cheated on you. Fucking asshole was so petty he wouldn’t even let the mother of his child and son stay in their home.”

“If he hadn’t done that though, I never would have met you two.” You flashed them a slanted smile as you wiped your eyes. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I sent that text earlier. You know me, I saw red and… I was just so excited you guys were going to be home.”

Your gaze shifted between theirs as something quickly passed through their eyes, something you hadn’t seen directed towards you since living across from them...

 “I’m going to go get ready for bed.” You grin again, tossing the cigarette into the ashtray before swishing past them into the house. 

A hand abruptly grabs your shoulder, spinning you around as lips crash to yours. The many rings on his fingers tells you its Eddie as he pushes you against the living room wall. There’s a neediness to both your energies as he hastily unbuttons your pants and slides his hand under the waistband of your panties, making you moan as he roughly inserts two of his fingers into your cunt. 

You cling to his neck as he sucks on yours, thrusting into you at an aggressive pace. 

“E-Eddie… slow…oh my god…slow down.”

Without a word, he does as you ask, choosing to curl his fingers deep inside of you. Your legs began to shake as you reached down to grip his wrist. You tried to pull at his hair to look at his face but his lips remained attached to your neck. Instead, you searched for Steve, finding him leaning beside you both, his eyes overshadowed with that determination you saw before. 

Tonight, it was just you three and it had been so long since you had been together not just sexually but intimately. You were hurting and so were they. They missed you as much as you missed them and tonight they were going to show you how much. Tonight, the house belonged to you guys and they were going to make you scream their names so all of Hawkins understood you were theirs, no matter what.

You moan his name repeatedly as you cum, yanking Steve’s shirt to bring his lips to yours. As soon as Eddie removed his hand, the other man lifted you into his arms, bringing you into the kitchen and placing you on the island in the middle. The metalhead came around to grip your waist as Steve aggressively tugged off your jeans and panties. 

After pulling you closer to the edge, he threw off his shirt before kneeling, opening your legs wider, and wrapping his mouth around your clit. His motions were just as fast as Eddie, not allowing you much time to catch your breath. Lips and teeth warmed your breast as Eddie switched between the two. 

“I…guys…please…fuck…” You were struggling to form words as they both overwhelmed your senses. The sharp, cold temperature of the granite hit your back as you laid flat against it, thrusting your hips against the man’s face till you felt the coil snap and you came again. Eddie lifted you, placing you on your feet, and turning you so your back was to his chest. 

He fumbled with his belt as he walked you towards the stairs, kicking them and his boxers to the side as you fall forward onto the steps. The man licks his hand, pumping himself a few times before pushing into you as you moan. His fingers clung to your hips as he thrust into you, the obscene sound of skin hitting skin filling the area. 

Footsteps echoed beside you as Steve pushed off his own attire tossing it to the ground. After sliding himself in front of you, your hands grip his thighs for support as you encase his cock with your lips. 

He grunts at the feeling as you moan and bob your head, pulling your hair into a ponytail so he can watch you take him. Eddie falls forward, grinding into your pussy hard as his hands roam your now sweaty body. 

You lift your head, continuing to jerk him as fast as you can, shouting Eddie’s name as you hurtle quickly over that ledge again. He groans as you flutter around him, pulling out before taking you in his arms as he heads for the bedroom. 

Throwing you onto your back on the mattress, he lifts one of your legs over his shoulder and breaches your entrance again as he chases his high. Steve climbs up beside you, licking his fingers and reaching between you to rub your swollen clit. 

“Please…I can’t…again…too much…” They both silently continue what they were doing, lost in you and the moment. Eddie grunts as he cums, thrusting his hips till he empties inside of you. 

Steve takes over as the other boy pulls out and backs away, sliding himself into you before pushing your legs together and turning you on your side. This position had him deeper inside of you then you had ever felt as you gripped the sheets for support, needing to hold on to something as he smacked his hips against yours. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw his hand reaching for yours, quickly reaching over to take it as he gripped you tightly. The sound of your whimpers and moans escalated until you couldn’t hold back anymore, crying and shouting Steve’s name into the darkness. His body folded over your own slightly as his rhythm sputtered and he came, rope after rope filling you up. 

The room feel quiet except for your sniffles into the blankets. Someone gently lifted you into their arms and carried you to the bathroom before placing you on your feet by the tub. Looking up, you met Eddie’s soft brown eyes as he smiled, brushing your hair behind your ear. A loud grunt left him as you practically tackled him, wrapping your arms around his waist as you cried into his chest. Steve came up behind you, hugging you as he rested his cheek on your head. 

They waited for the bathtub to fill before releasing you, holding your hand as you stepped inside and immediately tugged your knees under your chin as they joined you. After Steve delicately pulled up your hair, he tenderly ran his palms along your shoulders and down your arms as Eddie cleaned your body. 

“I don’t like this…the silence…” The only reason you knew they heard you was because their movements paused for a moment before they continued. “Please say something.”

“You’re more than enough.” Your eyes met Eddie’s in total confusion. “You asked your mom why you weren’t enough and I know part of the reason you feel the way you’ve been feeling is because Charlie made you believe that to. You’re MORE than enough. You are everything.”

“You’re not selfish for feeling the way you’ve been feeling, Y/N.”, Steve continued after. “We miss you to and the kids. When you said Dylan has been trying to show Ro how to walk more, I panicked like what if we weren’t here when she finally did?”

You sighed as you leaned against his chest.

“We finished our project so I’m done there and, of course, the semester ends next week so I’ll be home more. Maybe next semester, I can cut back on some of my hours at work. Things might be a bit tight but…”

“Maybe not.”

“What do you mean, Ed?”

“The owner of the shop, Scott? He’s retiring after the new year. Part of the reason I’ve been staying late is because… he’s been talking about giving the garage to me.”

“Eddie, oh my god. That’s amazing!” You lean forward wrapping your arms around his neck. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up including my own if he decided against it. But, baby, this would mean I could be home more and we would have more money. Steve could even solely focus on school but knowing him he would insist on continuing to work.”

“You’re not wrong.”, Steve chuckles. 

“But what about music? Corroded Coffin?”

“I can practice more with them to. Sweetheart, I’m not going to become a rockstar in the next year.”, he laughs. 

“You’re already a rockstar to me.”, you smile as you kiss his lips.

################

“Oh hey, look. The entire Munson-Harrington clan came to get you guys AND they seem happy.”, Kierra grins as she opens her door wider to allow you three into her home. “Did you fall on your knees and beg for forgiveness?”

“Eh something like that.”, Eddie laughs. 

“Your mother was at the bar to last night. I’m not sure if she told you that.”

Your sister sighed at Steve’s comment. “I swear to God, that woman can be so…ugh! What did she say, Y/N?” When you didn’t answer, she turned to face you, noticing your eyes focusing on the kids. 

Dylan was holding Aurora’s hand allow her to balance before letting her go. She took one wobbly step forward before falling on her butt and smiling up at him. You sunk to your knees placing yourself a small distance away from her. Your son lifted her up again, holding her hand as he guided her towards you before letting her go. She stood still just for a moment as she looked your way. 

“Come here, baby. I missed you. Give mama a hug?”

You reached out your arms as she giggled before slowly taking two steps forward. She almost fell catching herself on her hands before pushing back to a standing position. 

“Ma…mama!”

She took two more determined steps by herself before falling into your lap. 

“Oh, Wayne’s going to hate that.”, Eddie grinned. 

“God job, Ro.” Steve kissed her forehead as she keened into your neck. 

“Get ready, boys. Here comes the fun part. Running after a toddler around a two story house with sticky fingers.”, Kierra laughed as she wrapped her arms around you leaning her head on the Aurora’s back. 

###############

@adequate-superstar @kalinaselennespeaks

@alienthings @steddieloverrr @manda-panda-monium

@decadentwombatmiracle @katie-tibo @marsupiooo

@local-stoner-bitch @steamystrangerfics @lunatictardis

@adaydreamaway08 @hazydespair @actuallyspencerreid

@moviefreak1205 @waylandmorgernsternherondal-blog

@kik51199 @strngrlytn @idkidknemore @damon-loves-pie

@k-k0129 @micheledawn1975 @eddie86baby

@justmeandmymeanderingthoughts @3rriberri

@sashaphantomhive @chelebelletx @big-ope-vibes

@munsonzzgf @munsonmoonshine86

[gatheringbones]

[“Alex tells me he had long been aware of the existence of transsexuals, and he had even contemplated transitioning earlier in his life. He had known a couple of people over the years who had transitioned, but he had no idea of how to go about doing so, and he lacked the money and the wherewithal.

In the early 1990s, “the conversation changed,” he says, making it possible for him to contemplate transitioning. He heard about support groups for transgender men. FTM groups were forming in San Francisco and Seattle. A burgeoning “queer” movement was challenging the dominance of radical feminist ideas and was offering female-assigned individuals who wished to embrace their inner maleness a way to do so affirmatively, with a sense of pride. Writers and activists like Sandy Stone and Kate Bornstein were talking about a different, more expansive understanding of the radical potential of gender switching, rejecting medicalized notions of trans people as having the “wrong body,” or as being mentally deficient. The term “transgender” was established as a way to move beyond the medical model of “transsexualism” and to include a broad array of gender-variant persons who wished to challenge the binary. It enabled Alex to call himself transgender.

“I did not want to have to say I was ‘crazy.’ I don’t even like saying I’m dysphoric, though I fit the narrative,” says Alex. “I didn’t start T until I found a very good doctor who didn’t demand a letter from a therapist. I wouldn’t confess dysphoria in order to get access to top surgery. I won’t do it. Why would I want to make myself even more marginal?” However, once there was a “weakening of pathology, of judgment,” he decided to move forward.

Meanwhile, Kristin, Alex’s closest friend, settled in Seattle after graduation, where she found an accepting culture and a lively butch presence in the lesbian community. She worked for a state representative, and when she visited the state capitol to lobby on his behalf, people sometimes perceived her “as a boy.” But mainly she felt okay about looking different, and she fell in love with a woman, Jennie, who affirmed her right to be who she was. Kristin is pretty flat chested and small hipped, and “looks like she wants to,” more or less. She presented as a masculine female. It helped that her family tended to be supportive. “Even though I don’t really operate as a woman, I operate in the sphere of women, and there were a lot of really strong women in my big Polish family!” Also her dad, now deceased, was queer, and her brother (who appears in this book) is a transgender man.

Because Kristin, unlike Alex, received a lot of support for her gender nonconformity, she said it never became a major source of distress for her—which isn’t to say that it hasn’t been a challenge at times. She contemplated transitioning for a while but eventually made peace with her body. Being in therapy helped. “I thought that my anxiety was special and everyone else was normal,” she tells me. But as she found ways to ease her generalized sense of anxiety, she became more comfortable with her body and her gender nonconformity. “I thought, ‘Why do I care so much about what other people think about my gender?’ I have a right. I have a fucking right to be who I am,” she tells me, her voice cracking.

And as she became more comfortable with herself, she found ways to deal with bathroom confrontations. “Now when people come up to me and tell me I’m in the wrong bathroom, sometimes I look my body up and down and look at them quizzically and say, ‘Oh, really?’ Thanks!” She makes light of it. “The more comfortable I am, the more likely they are to think I’m in the right place and leave me alone. Now it’s even funny at times.” But airports, she says, are still particularly challenging. Heightened security seems to extend to the policing of gendered bodies in bathrooms. The other day, a blond woman in her fifties came over to her as she entered a bathroom stall and started yelling, “You’re in the wrong place—the men’s room is over there.” Kristin just smiled and said, “Thank you,” and the woman left in a hurry.

“I get why some people transition,” says Kristin, “to be normal, and not have people gawking at you all day. It takes a whole lot of energy.” Still, she came to the conclusion that transitioning would not solve her problems, and that it might open up new, unknown challenges.

Alex, on the other hand, made the decision to modify his body and present as a male, and it has made his life much easier. He no longer gets harassed walking down the street, and he’s no longer as angry. “I still look young,” he tells me, “but at least the beard and receding hairline prove I’m through puberty!” He is much happier now, he says. “I honestly don’t feel I’ve changed that much. That is, ‘transitioning’ didn’t change me so much as it forced others to see me as I saw myself. Yes, the bodily transformations were welcome and comforting. I felt that I was finally ‘home.’ But how do you separate that feeling from the sense that you’re finally recognized by others for how you see yourself?”]

arlene stein, from unbound: transgender men and the remaking of identity, 2018

[ladymorghul]

Hot Take: Alicent’s characterization from Episode 8+9 should have been her characterization during episodes 6+7 (up until the eye incident), where she was still trying to make some sort of peace while also trying to protect her kids.

Her characterization in episodes 6+7 should have been her final characterization. Scheming and working more actively against Rhaenyra and undermining her. Calling her out during small council meetings and giving her the stink eye and more actively making her kids aware of the danger (with them getting her concerns since it would be after Aemond lost his eye).

It just feels like they went backward instead of forward. That last bit isn’t a hot take. But still.

i don't feel like this is a hot take because it's... very real

i'm sorry but no amount of arguments will ever make me not believe that episode 8 alicent was a mess, writing wise

i mean think about it: alicent is groomed by her father and rhaenyra's father, rhaenyra's father decides he wants to marry her, rhaenyra is upset with her and stops talking to her for 3 years. at this point alicent is still trying to reach out. she's been through the hell that must have been the beginning of her marriage alone, she gave birth alone, she underlines herself that she doesn't have many friends (which is weird, and another decisionTM by the writers), rhaenyra never tries to call out her father for picking her best friend and is likely more upset with alicent even though she is aware alicent's position is a unpleasant one ("it bothers you does it not?" "laena is your daughter princess, does it bother you?" "of course it does")

so if anyone is blaming a woman for the deeds of a man first, it's rhaenyra. at no point after that even during their good times does she try to help alicent. to me it's always been a friendship where alicent gives and rhaenyra receives. it's alicent who always thinks of her and wants to go back.

and then of course comes the lie that makes her look like a fool and she loses the only family member she had at court with her. even when that man wasn't having her own mental health as his priority, she still depended on him as being the only one in her corner, even if it was for his own benefit. she's all alone, for a long time. she grows bitter, and rightfully so. i think for me the point of no return would have long before that but i digress.

by this time it's obvious rhaenyra's children as bastards, harwin makes it a done deal too, and after years and after all of that rhaenyra thinks of making an offer: marry your only daughter to my son who is obviously a bastard. she refuses, everyone is like omg "don't you see how hard rhaenyra tries?" eyeroll etc etc

then episode 7 happens with aemond and well, that should be a done deal for anyone right? it would be for me. i think i'd rather chew glass than think of rhaenyra as a friend at that point. emma was right, alicent is gaslighted and dare i add humiliated in front of an entire room of people. her son loses his eye, rhaenyra asks for even more of him, viserys couldn't care less and in the end it is still alicent and her sons that get threatened by viserys.

by that point i would be planning big, violent things

it is unrealistic to me that alicent still holds and treats rhaenyra with kidness in episode 8, that she has kind words for her, that she does so without being given an apology for aemond, especially after daemon and vaemond. imo it is unrealistic. she should have been scheming the biggest scheme.

this isn't a woman turned into an evil caricature, this is a normal reaction to living in a hostile environment with a hostile family that does not regard you or your children with love or respect.

unfortunately alicent is being largely written in a way to tell rhaenyra's story so she has to have such deep love for her that is bigger than for anyone else because the writers need to show how special rhaenyra is and how much they love her through alicent. as a character, she's forever tied at the ankle to rhaenyra and the narrative is largely written to punish alicent for not choosing rhaenyra. this is also tied to jaehaera having to die and the "sins of our father" trope.

no matter how we like the green characters and their potential, the writers largerly care more about team black characters and have striped alicent of much of her ambition.

it is silly to write alicent as a character that only finds out in episode 9 that "the council" was planning to instill her son as king. it is silly to write alicent as choosing to crown her son and by extension declare war literally.... overnight. it is silly further for her to do it or push the idea that just before he died, viserys whispered of aegon ii.

of course that is the story we're given, but it is ultimately not a great story for alicent hightower and they could have done so much better, but they were mainly focused on writing daemon and rhaenyra and that's about it.

but yeah, i totally agree. anything positive from alicent past episode 7, especially in the manner in which she acted during the dinner in episode 8, is unrealistic imo.

[limeade-l3sbian]

i’m not so much talking about whether you would like it or not, but rather: do you see yourself as a person who needs romantic companionship in your life eventually? obviously you won’t disintegrate without, but i’m talking needing as in for your psychological and physical well-being in the long run.

i’ve come to realize i cannot relate to this and people who aren’t able to go without being in a relationship are to me so strange, even though that honestly seems to be the norm. i don’t even want a romantic relationship. not to say i would be against falling in love and all that but i don’t dream of it and i certainly don’t crave it. i’m curious how you are in this regard? obviously i don’t know you, but you strike me a someone who functions well alone too.

i get that wanting romance is normal in theory but i don’t understand why.

there’s lots of other things i totally get the need for, but this and sex are two things that are on the same spectrum of inconsequential to me. that’s also why i’ll never be able to rightfully contribute to the celibate convo that’s been going on in radfem spaces in regards to heterosexual women, because even though i’m not asexual, i genuinely don’t get the big deal of living without romance and sex. people will say it’s unfair to ask that of anyone and i’ll think it probably IS for the average person, but to me it still seems totally unrelatable to not be able to live full lives without it. this isn’t a convo of to be or not to be celebate btw, i’m just adding it as an example of when this feeling of not needing romance has really shown it’s face in my life and hindered my, i guess, empathy? and that’s why i never join that convo bc i can see i’m the odd one out.

it’s honestly so embarrassing to an extent. i wish more people spoke of this but when i’ve tried to speak of it in some contexts elsewhere, i immediately get labeled all these different things like “aromantic” and “asexual” and i’m just not. i’m not against romance. it’s not that i can’t feel it. same with attraction and such. but it’s really easy to ignore for me, like no biggie. there’s so many other bigger more important emotions and experiences in my eyes. almost everyone wants romance and partnership but to me it just seems kinda tiring and risky. like why risk my peace for a thing that does in most cases end by breaking up for whatever reasons? it’s not me being scared of it but i don’t see the point of the effort i guess..

friendships i get and they are important to me. i don’t see them as replacements or anything for romance. i just value those more and i think they seem more genuine to me? i’m not in a situation where i couldn’t find safe partners bc i am bisexual with mainly attraction to women but even then i still have no desperation for love like that. if it happens, that’s cool but i’ve come to realize that if i don’t actively seek it out it’s pretty easy to go through your life without any romantic relationships in peace. obviously the same maybe can’t be said for ultra attractive people but for mediocre folks like myself, life is pretty peaceful in that regard unless i actively tried to put myself out there which i won’t lol.

it’s not like i hate seeing romantic stuff. movies or books with romantic plots can be super cute and enjoyable for me but i don’t crave those things in my life even. when i see it. i don’t sigh after it. it’s like seeing a video of someone trying bungeejumping. it looks fun and cool but i wouldn’t go out of my way to seek the experience out because my life is fine without it.

am i totally alone in this feeling i wonder

I think in recent years there has been a weird push for romantic relationships and what the "best version" of them looks like. And, to be honest, your assumption is correct.

I think I cared in high school I got swept up in wanting to date because teenage romance seemed so romantic to me. But now, as an adult, I feel no intense need to be with someone. I'm not asexual and I'm not opposed to love or sex, like you said. I just...don't care? I just care about having people in my life who I care about and who care about me.

And with the asexual thing. In an increasingly hypersexual world, I think people are quick to "other" those of us who just don't really care. So if you don't crave love and need sex, you must be asexual. Which is...false, on a lot of levels.

To be honest, this whole reply could just be me restating, "Like you said" lmao. You and I have a pretty mutual feeling about the whole thing. I'm at peace with the state of my social life. I don't feel any pressure to be married or to date or whatever. When it happens, it happens, and I go for it. But when things don't work out? I mean, that's just life, I feel like.

[ripplestitchskein]

Heey I really like your Stolitz and Helluva Boss Takes! They are very insightful and interesting to read. Your circus theory is adorable :)

I’m wondering, why do you think this fandom in particular is… so rabidly against media literacy. I too am an old trooper from the Destiel days and I remember the days when internet fans would beg for more complex characters that have grey morality. Also when people would BEG for gay representation like this. I’m so confused man. The “vivziepop critical” hashtag just makes me depressed. So many people seem obsessed to criticize this show and I don’t get it. I haven’t seen this much hate since Twilight. Also did the mistake of checking twitter… Also, why do people act like one person did everything when animation is a highly collaborative medium and there are 100+ creator names at the end of each episode? I’m so confused because I’ve enjoyed the show so much and went online to find fanart and fanfics and found… insane levels of hate and projection?? Why does everyone and their dog want to cancel this woman for making an animated TV show with millenial style sensibilities? Why are they saying the writing is horrible and atrocious when I personally think it’s better than Family Guy, Big Mouth, American Dad and many other adult animation show’s writings? I’m so curious because I’m from Eastern Europe and it feels like something particular about american culture doesn’t click to me in all of this…

Thank you so much Nonnie! If nothing else I might illustrate Blitzo’s little circus with everyone in their roles. I’m working on a Stolitz piece I am VERY excited about but maybe after that.

As far as your question. Whooboy is that a question I have both given a lot of thought to and found no real satisfactory answers, but I have some ideas.

I think it’s a mix of things and I think a huge part of it is the medium and the accessibility of the creators combined with the show reaching a huge internet audience other fandoms don’t really normally touch.

The audience numbers for both of the Spindlehorse/Vivziepop properties are ENORMOUS. On the main channel alone an episode will reach 20+ million views. This doesn’t include other channels that take the same episodes and put them on their channels and reach several million as well. The Nielsen numbers average around the 18-20 per episode but Nielsen ratings are a flawed metric especially with internet based media. We’ve seen some of the Amazon numbers as well and they are insane.

We also live in a time where people are under an extreme amount of scrutiny all hours of the day, the likes of which we really don’t have a comparison for in human history and we have a independent creator who was largely available to that fandom for a long period of time. A lot of media properties are corporate, are sanitized and managed by large PR firms. I think VivziePop said some things before she had fully grown and developed as a person that people latched onto as a core belief system, something the internet is really good at. There also isn’t a lot of grace given to people who change their views after taking in other viewpoints and information. If you say something it will live on in infamy and I think some of the hate stems from that.

I went into it a little in this post here that I just don’t think people are aware of the creative process that goes into making such a thing. An indie creator has to be way more transparent than a corporate entity to get the funding they need and that transparency builds expectations with people who can’t grasp that plots and characters change as the story actually develops. They are very used to prepackaged, sanitized and complete productions and this messy and chaotic realtime creative process is very foreign to them.

Critical thinking skills are also a precious resource in humanity in general, and when you’re dealing with a fandom this large you have more people who lack those skills than normal. These two shows do not spoon feed their audience, a lot of things are in the details and hidden under character complexities and I genuinely believe that they aren’t used to not being told flat out “this is what is happening. This is how the characters feel about it.” By the media they consume. We’re also dealing with two different shows with similar visual elements and comparisons are made between the two while ignoring the actual shows themselves. A great example is the chains in Hazbin for Angel and Husk being compared to the chain in the drug hallucinations in D.H.O.R.K.S. They are not remotely the same, or for the same reason but because they are visually similar, being from the same team people really thought they were on to something while ignoring the actual content and dialogue of the scene itself. Meme culture used for wrong imo.

Having characters that do “problematic” things, say “problematic” things and behave in realistic and nuanced ways is hard for people to separate from the creators or the fans. Any whiff of perceived “toxicity” is jumped on like rabid dogs. They believe it’s a reflection of what the creator and fans actually WANT in real life. It’s purity culture run amuck and it’s a HUGE issue. Like actual fascism in action and it’s extremely concerning to me but what can I do but continue to engage critically with what I like and provide analysis while enjoying it?

There is also this sense of competition in fandoms. My ship is less problematic than yours. My blorbo is a better person. Etc. It’s the silliest shit.

There is also a huge wait time between episodes. In a binge watching culture, or a serialized tv culture where seasons are completed and then released all at once or on a regular schedule with maybe a week or two between it is hard for the audience to retain what they saw previously and connect it. They also build up expectations and have months to sit with them only to be disappointed when it doesn’t play out how they wanted. The Sherlock fandom was notorious for this. The years long gap between seasons let things fester and rot and now we have a show like HB that will go months between episodes and take years to tell a story.

Being completely honest almost all the criticism I’ve seen is not rooted in actual problems with the show but people saying “if they had done X and X and X it would have be a better show” but because the show didn’t deliver what they specifically wanted it’s “not good”. Or they don’t realize it is delivering that, just at a very slow pace.

I think it can best be summed up by a lot of the internet are what me and my partner call “baby brained”. I don’t mean to be dismissive of real criticisms but I haven’t seen any that hold water yet that aren’t rooted in the things I’ve mentioned above. If I’m presented some I’ll engage with them logically and will use the text to determine their validity.

I have more thoughts on this but this is already pretty long so I’ll save it for specific posts on this subject. But like I always say, just block them and do things that make you happy with the things you love. You don’t owe them your time or your attention and the creators don’t owe them anything either.

[gabessquishytum]

okay a trans hob concept for you. honestly i think this counts as crack treated seriously because the basic concept here is "top surgery via Endless" but now i'm just emotional about hobstruction so. okay.

so. hob's in his soldering days, he's off fighting in france, and he takes a fatal wound. which would be unpleasant enough already, but a few of his mates definitely saw, so there's no going back to camp, he's going to have to make it back to england on his own. he stops in the first tavern he comes to so he can have a drink and a meal and a bit of a sulk, and promptly hits it off with a red headed giant of a man who says he's also travelling to england so why don't they go together?

obviously they wind up fucking that night and they head off in the morning, they fuck every evening when they stop for the evening, and a few days in hob's comfortable enough with his new friend that he goes on a bit of a rant about his body. because he likes his body! he does! his mam was a tall, strong woman and he was lucky enough to take after her. he's got broad shoulders, strong thighs. he honestly quite likes the way his waist tucks in just a bit, the way his hips are a bit wider than most men's. and sure, he wouldn't mind having a nice proper big cock, but he likes the one he's got, and he likes his cunt.

it's just his chest he doesn't like. because he's got fairly big tits, alright, and christ but they're frustrating to try and keep out of the way, let alone if he wants to actually be able to breathe. he'd happily cut them off, he says, but he doesn't imagine it would be worth it (because the healing would likely kill a normal man, he doesn't say. because he suspects they'd just grow back, he doesn't say).

and destruction of the endless, not yet planning to abandon his realm but spending a great deal of time thinking about inverses and destruction and creation and change, says that. well. if hob's willing to trust him, and he's alright with possibly a lot of pain, he might be able to help with that.

it does hurt. rather a lot. and the results aren't perfect -- his chest isn't quite symmetrical, his nipples aren't quite even -- but hob happily points out (to a fretting destruction) that bodies aren't perfectly symmetrical, destruction's work doesn't look perfect but that makes it look real and hob's so fucking thrilled.

hob's very clearly over the moon for the rest of their trek back to england. there's a literal and metaphorical weight off his chest. and destruction gets to see that... maybe he's onto something, with all his musings about his nature. maybe he really can be something more than destruction, or maybe being destruction doesn't have to be such a bad thing. he's done something right by this one human, and that has to count for something. maybe that can be a start.

-🐈‍⬛

Trans Hob is really something that can be SO personal huh. I'm not kidding when I say this ask picked me up by the scruff of my neck and shook me around like a kitten.

I may have started writing this as a fic (by which I mean I have 1,500 words so far) so I'll share a teeny tiny snippet with you <3

It’s always a risk for Hob to undress, whether he’s bedding a man or a woman. He’s had every reaction he can possibly imagine, from horror to pleasure. He thinks instinctively that his red headed friend won’t be too fussed by the big reveal, and he really isn’t. It’s almost like he already knew.

He doesn’t go straight for Hob’s tits, like most men tend to. His massive hands fall at Hob’s trim waist instead, smoothing over the spread of his hips. Hob keens softly and bites his own lip as his lower belly is so tenderly caressed. He’s wet already and he whimpers openly when a huge thumb and finger find his pulsing cock. He feels big between those digits, much to his surprise and pleasure. His companion hums, pleased and curious. Hob abruptly remembers that he doesn’t know this man’s name.

That's all you get for now ;D thank you for kicking my ass into gear to FINALLY write an actual Hob x Destruction fic <3

[saturn-sends-hugs]

OK I’M DOING IT I’M CAVING

BAD BATCH EPISODE PREDICTIONS:

Heads up I haven’t seen any leaks or researched anything so this probably won’t be accurate pshkssbks (also no spoilers, just trailer references!)

First off, Ep3: The Solitary Clone??? Who??? I’ve seen some people theorizing that this could be Crosshair which would be SO EXCITING LIKE PLEASE!!! I WANT TO SEE HIMMMM. It could also be Rex, Cody, or Wolffe which would be great too (It better not mean Echo is leaving because omg I WOULD SOB NO)

Ep4: Faster To me this seems like it’s probably where we see Tech pod racing, I mean it just makes sense right? I think it’s either that or the Batch has to physically work faster due to the Empire finding out they’re still alive or something.

Ep5: Entombed omg fear. What is that. What does that MEAN. Please tell me it’s just like a semi-filler episode where some of them get trapped in a cave or something normal please let it be something normal and not absolutely devastating mr filoni please 🫠🫠🫠

Ep6: Tribe This one could be really cute!! I feel like this is either referring to the Batch, some actually tribe they meet, or maybe Rex’s group?? Idk, but it seems pretty tame to me :)

Ep7: The Clone Conspiracy and Ep8: Truth and Consequences no. no stop THATS SO MEAN. THATS JUST CRUEL OMG. I feel like this is a direct connection to the Fives arc in TCW and THERE BETTER BE A NAME DROP PLEASE but also IM SO SCARED. On one hand it’s two episodes so yayyy!! But on the other, this really seems like it either has to do with the chips and Fives or some big secret/misunderstanding that might cause some serious tension within the Batch.

Ep9: The Crossing I mean come on. There’s no way this isn’t a play with Crosshairs name, why would this be the title if it’s not. I’m thinking this could be where Crosshair comes back (please), or maybe just Hunter and the Batch finally dealing with the fact that he left in the first place. Or maybe Crosshair is forced to work together with them again for a bit somehow? Or they just cross a big chasm or something and Crosshair is there. Could just be that.

Ep10: Retrieval ITS CROSSHAIR RIGHT. THEY’RE RETRIEVING CROSSHAIR THATS WHO IT IS RIGHT PLEASE I’M BEGGING. I think it’s either that or the Batch goes on some typical retrieval mission and along the way either rescues one of the Batch members from danger or maybe some other person (gungi?)

Ep11: Metamorphosis This could refer to so many things, but I think it might be the whole batch or just one member having a sort of revelation like:

If it’s the whole batch, maybe they’ll change and decide to join the fight against the Empire together

Omega: this could be her learning more about the world and maybe pushing back against Hunter to decide things for herself or disagree with what he wants to do

Cody?: I feel like this could be him breaking free of the control chip, maybe turning on/leaving the empire

It could also be Hunter finally deciding to have the batch join the rebellion, or Crosshair coming back (pleASE), or Echo leaving to join the rebellion alone (NO)

Ep12: The Outpost This one comes out the day before my birthday WOOO!!! My first thought here was Rishi Station, but honestly that connection is pretty unlikely. It could be Rex’s base or maybe the building we saw Cody walking up to in the trailer?

Ep13: Pabu what. is that a guy or…

Ep14: Tipping Point oh this could be so many things. It could be Cody and Crosshair fighting and one of them choosing a side, it could be one of them dying (omg no) making the others more determined to fight the empire, it could be Crosshair coming back (PLS), it could be Echo deciding to leave and join Rex with the rebellion (DONT), it could literally be so many things. In any case, it’s clearly the lead up to/start of the big end conflict, so it’s safe to assume something serious is going down and I’m scared.

Ep15: The Summit and Ep16: Plan 99 Honestly, I have no clue. Big conflict, some crazy Bad Batch plan, my only hope is that it requires Crosshair meaning we get him back by then? Hopefully it’s not like a last resort kind of plan meaning bad things are going to happen but I mean this is star wars, I can only expect pain.

Anyway, that was so long I seriously doubt anyone will read all this but if you have any other predictions I’d love to hear them! I always think these are so fun :)

[philaet0s]

wanna ramble about your daphne backstory?

ALWAYS.

I did it on AO3 already but I am SO glad to do it again :)))))))

So I’m really obsessed with Daphne, right? First I just loved the idea of Baz having a POSITIVE PARENTAL FIGURE that isn’t Malcolm who’s distant and kind of an asshole or Fiona who’s insane and kind of an asshole. So, ✨Daphne✨ whose only personality trait in canon is being a mum

So I started writing a lot of scenes with Daphne and Baz because I wanted him to experience that motherly love, which made me develop an interest for Daphne as a character, and therefore, a backstory for her

First of all, to me Daphne went to a Normal school as a teen because she didn’t make the cut for Watford when the Pitches were in charge. She was actually fine with that, she liked her Normal friends and the life she had with them. Her older sister, Anne, had gone to Watford and her experience hadn’t been Super Great which comforted Daphne in the idea that going to a Normal school was fine

When she was 16/17, she started dating a boy from her school, that she quickly married when she turned 18. To me, she was really attracted to that traditional family model, a husband and kids -that are to be had when the parents are still young. However, she didn’t have a baby with her first husband

In spite of that, they were happy for a while, until behaviours that her husband had exhibited from the beginning but that Daphne had brushed off because they weren’t a big deal in her eyes, and were rare occurrences, became more frequent. He became violent with her, verbally and physically. She was stuck in that situation for a while, because she was afraid of what her family would think if she left her husband -she tried to bring up the fact that she wasn’t happy with him to her mum who essentially told her that that was just what marriage was like sometimes and that she had to endure it- and she didn’t have the financial means to support herself on her own -she earned some money working at a nursery but most of that money went into the couple’s expenses, so she couldn’t save a lot of it. Eventually though, her sister helped her get out of that relationship and she divorced her husband. She moved to Hampshire -she used to live in Yorkshire- to be closer to her sister, who had moved there for work.

She took a few years to heal from that relationship, to recentre herself on herself, and to learn to live alone, something she had never done since she went from living with her parents to living with her husband. She wasn’t looking to date anyone, but she still ended up meeting Malcolm (not sure how) and falling in love with him

(Also my headcanon for her maiden name is that it’s Anderson - a common, not particularly memorable name. Something plain and simple)

[one-vivid-judgment]

Hi! I noticed someone requested headcanons for a substory character (Ikari). If it's possible can I request headcanons for Asakura, Kazami and Mameoka? (substory characters from infinite wealth) Thanks!

I actually like writing for the little substory characters cause you would never guess they are somebody's fave, but they ARE somebody's fave, and that thought alone is so beautiful to me.

Asakura

Get ready to be treating his wounds a lot and very often. Thankfully, he is a skilled enough fighter, so you won’t have to deal with things like a broken nose or a deep gash (unless the guy he’s fighting is Ichiban, in which case... well). He still gets tiny cuts and bruises, the occassional black eye. It’s mostly his knuckles that end up all bloody though.

PDA is not his thing, so don’t expect anything more than hand-holding when you are outside. It’s fine though, since he can actually get quite affectionate behind closed doors. Mostly, he likes being close to you—like, if you are cooking, he’ll stay in the kitchen, even if you are not talking. And yes, he will hug you from behind and rest his head on your shoulder, too.

Generally, he’s not the most expressive guy in the world. He’s not Kasuga who goes around smiling all the time. There’s no point in which he’ll make you feel like he doesn’t want you around though. He can say the cheesiest things with a straight face sometimes, especially when you are alone.

Kazami

He’s a big drama queen, oh my God. He can rant for hours about this thing that went wrong during his day, even if it’s the tiniest, most inconsequential thing ever. Sometimes he’ll even start crying out of frustration, and you know no normal person would cry over the wind not blowing at that Hawaii beach he’s gone to to film his new music video. Then again, you kinda knew what you were getting yourself into. Kazaki always had a reputation for being... eccentric.

A fashionista through and through. You do need to know how to dress sharp if you are a singer and know there’s always a camera watching you somewhere. He can teach you a thing or two about fashion if you have issues figuring out what would look good on you. Makeup, too. Especially his eyeliner, which he somehow always gets to look great on his first try and is somehow always on point, and drives you up a wall because how.

His love language is writing songs for you. Honestly, his fans kinda know he’s seeing someone, even if Kazami himself hasn’t said a word, because his songs and the look he has in his eye when he sings them (plus his voice) are a dead giveaway.

Mameoka

You like coffee? You want coffee brewed specifically to your liking every morning? Well, congrats! You found the perfect guy for you! If you don’t like coffee, he can make something else, too! Matcha? Orange juice? Just say the word, he’ll make it! He is already taking orders everyday at work, so what’s one more, especially if it’s for you?

Having a bad day? Well, congrats again! Not only was he a comedian, so he’s got the funny part down, but he is also generally very good at comforting people. A good listener, knows what your favorite snacks are, always has a blanket lying around if it’s cold or the AC on if it’s hot (because Hawaii, am I right?), and gives great hugs.

You are busy and don’t have as much time as you’d like to cook yourself a meal? Congrats once more! Because, as it were, breakfast isn’t his only forte. He can cook like a five star chef, and even if you don’t say anything, he somehow always knows if you are skipping meals. He doesn’t like that, by the way. And although he’d like to scold you for doing something so bad for your health, he’s also too gentle to ever give an actual, long-winded speech about why not eating won’t do your body any good. He’ll cook you something while giving you a talking-to, but he can’t bring himself to be really stern, you know?

[moshintheteagaiwan]

T.Kettle Part 8: The Coming Of The Milk & The Stock

One of the most basic components to running any business is making sure your store(s) are able to get the stock and supplies they need, easily and quickly. The people running T.Kettle behind the scenes did not get that memo. From day one when I had buy my own cleaning supplies, and provide my own mop, bucket and ladder to the day I left, getting what was needed was always a challenge. I did get reimbursed for the cleaning supplies thankfully.

When the store opened we were still under Covid restrictions. One of these restrictions was that there was no sitting in the food court and all public seating in the mall had been removed. Normally this isn’t an issue for mall staff because most stores have a backroom, and most backrooms have some kind of small table and chairs for staff to eat on their lunch breaks. We did not. In the summer this wasn’t an overly big deal except when it was sweltering hot outside, but we were now in the middle of fall, and getting lots of fall rain and cooler temperatures, so no one wanted to sit outside for their breaks.

At this time the company had set themselves up with Amazon Business and we were able to order whatever we needed for the store once a week through Amazon Business. However, all orders had to be approved by the head of operations before Amazon could fill them, and since we were the lowest on the totem pole, quite often these orders would sit until Amazon cancelled them due to no approval and we would have to place the same order again. The other issue was that the company only gave each store $150 per month spending allowance. Any further spending would have to be approved.

I battled for a small table and chairs set for our backroom, and explained to upper management that my staff had no place to sit and rest and eat during their breaks due to restrictions and weather conditions. Once I finally did hear back from them, they said they understood and I could purchase my own table and chairs and send them receipts for reimbursement. I went out to Ikea and bought a cheap table and two chairs which is all we needed and sent the receipts. I never did get reimbursed.

Christmas was also on the way and seasonal stock began showing up to the store. Boxes and boxes of it, and it wasn’t long before it had already filled all our storage space on the floor and was now piling up in the backroom. It took two weeks of back and forth emails telling the company we needed new backroom shelving as the old shelving had been removed and left us with no proper storage space. Eventually I took a chance and ordered three shelving units from Amazon Business and sent an email saying what and why I had ordered them. Shockingly the order was approved and we finally had shelves just in time for the season.

(A screenshot of our Christmas Infuser Mugs)

The other issue we faced with Amazon Business was orders constantly went missing or went undelivered. Drivers used to call me saying our store didn’t exist and that they had looked through the whole mall and our store wasn’t there. Almost every time I’d look out into the mall and see the delivery driver and I’d say “turn around”. They would turn around saying “I swear this wasn’t here 5 minutes ago.”

Other times drivers refused to come into the mall and would call asking me to come outside, which usually wasn’t an option as I was often working alone. Sometimes I would check emails in the morning and find an Amazon notification saying a package had been delivered. Attached would be a picture of the package that the drive left in some random spot in the mall, so I would have to lock up the store and go on a treasure hunt to find the package.

As for actual merchandise stock the company made an excel spreadsheet we would fill out and send in with what we needed ordered for our store. Our merchandise was through a secondary company unrelated to the company that owned us. Their products were good. Not great and far from outstanding, but good. But they had a thing for only making items available in solid plain colours and were very overpriced. The issue with this company is they also sold the same products on their own website which made no mention of T.Kettle. And because they sold from their own website, distribution to companies such as us whom they supplied to was notably low priority for them. This meant often times when our orders did arrive, anywhere between a quarter to half our order would be missing.

(One of our hardest selling and most overpriced items. I have covered the name of the company out of respect)

They supplied our matcha whisks and sent each store two boxes for the matcha roll out. We sold out of them quickly and it took over two months to get more, and when we did it was only half a box or so. And regardless of how many complaints we sent to upper management we would always get the same answer, “it’s on the way”, which meant we might see stock in a month or two.

However, a small step in the right direction soon came in the shape of a – refrigerator. One day the company informed is that each store would be getting a new fridge because they had finally, after over a year of requests, decided to carry milk options at the tea bar. Finally! No more looking stupid telling customers our tea back didn’t provide milk options. Maybe this meant lattes were soon to come as well. All us managers were eager for the conference call discussing the new milk options, but we were all less then thrilled by the end.

The company had no faith in the idea of milk options, and wanted to try an experiment to see how carrying milk would go. To do this they were sending each store a prepaid visa card worth $120. And with this card managers were to go to whatever local retailer (in their own mall preferably) that carried milk and purchase two cartons of milk at a time and no more. Should this visa card run out they would send us a new one if approved. Now for the real kicker. Absolutely no dairy free options, which was of the most requested milk options.

Many of our clients were vegans or had allergies to dairy and lactose so dairy free was essential. We heavily expressed our concern with this decision on the call but our concerns were shot down fast, and the needs of our clients with such demands could be narrowed down to “too bad for them”.

During the call someone asked if lattes would be made now that we had milk. And you guessed it – they said no. This was because once again, they didn’t want to compete with Starbucks. We even tried suggesting at least doing iced lattes. We explained this would not require the use of the steamers and that by adding milk to iced drinks and calling them an iced latte we could charge an extra dollar or two for little to no extra work. This too was shot down quickly and was followed up with, “if they want milk in a hot or cold drink, only put in a splash”.

To be continued...

[morganaspendragonss]

count my little scars, i got dozens down inside

so, a long time ago, @elinehasallthefeels sent me a prompt asking for judd discovering one of tk's unhealthy coping mechanisms and being like 'wtf are you doing!' while tk didn't get why he was horrified. it was meant to be a light-hearted piece.

this is not. eline, i am very sorry for twisting your prompt this way

ao3 | 1.3k | self-harm, unhealthy coping mechanisms, mental illness, references to addiction, worried judd ryder, the author is yet again projecting

The metal burns on his skin, a pain so bad his eyes screw shut and he has to bite his lip to keep from crying out. His whole body is locked up, in a war with itself between wanting to stop and wanting to keep going, but TK pushes through and forces himself to press down harder, twisting his left hand to make sure he feels it before the heat inevitably, and too quickly, leaches out of the metal.

He’s breathing heavily now, careful and measured through his nose, and this is–this is good. This means he might be able to work the rest of his shift without breaking down; this means the urges running through his brain and every inch of his body will go away.

Or, he hopes it does.

If it doesn’t, then TK…

Maybe he should try again. Just to be sure. His fingers twitch across the counter, and now he’s thought it there’s no going back, no moving forward until the impulse is satisfied, no—

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

TK jumps and the spoon clatters to the counter, the noise seeming to echo around the otherwise empty kitchen. He moves his right arm behind his back, but the damage has, quite literally, been done, and TK knows it. So he sighs and plasters on a smile, shrugging slightly. “Would you let it go if I said it’s no big deal?”

“Hell, no,” Judd says. He crosses his arms firmly across his chest and stares at TK in a way that might be intimidating if he didn’t know him. “What were you doing?”

TK waves his hand to the mug on the counter as nonchalantly as he can. “Making coffee.” 

“Oh, so you’re trying to be funny, huh?” Judd takes a step forward, effectively blocking TK’s path out of the kitchen. “Well, I ain’t laughing. TK, I just watched you take the spoon – the damn spoon – that’s been sitting in a cup of boiling hot coffee for the last few minutes and instead of cleaning it with water and a towel like everyone else, you decide to wipe it off on your own damn skin. I ain’t a fool, TK, I know what you were doing. I just don’t… I mean, why not… Why?”

Judd looks so confused and TK can’t stand it anymore so he looks down at the floor and scuffs the toe of his boot against the lino. He knows the questions Judd isn’t asking and he knows he’ll want more answers than TK will be able to give him; the difficulty is figuring out which parts to tell. Judd probably already knows about the run of bad calls they’ve had – he was with them on a couple and probably will have heard about the others – but that alone as an explanation won’t satisfy him. He also knows TK is a basketcase, but… Well.

“It’s easier than the alternative,” he settles on. “And it doesn’t leave a mark. Not a permanent one, anyway. Not one that can’t be explained.”

“The alternative?” Judd asks, the crease in his brows deepening before smoothing back out again. “You mean drugs?”

“That,” TK acknowledges. And that’s enough for Judd to know; he doesn’t want to tell him how he shrinks from the blade of a knife, how he can never go hard enough, deep enough to make any difference.

Judd sighs. “Okay, fine, but why don’t you talk to someone instead? You don’t have to… Hang on.” The creases return, the worry spreading across his face along with dawning realisation. “You said it don’t leave a mark.”

TK nods mutely, waiting. It feels like it takes an eternity, but eventually the puzzle pieces click.

“How long has this been going on, TK?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know,” he says honestly. “A long time. Judd, I thought it was normal.”

Judd scoffs, an eyebrow raised, but TK doesn’t know what to tell him. He hates having to explain this stuff to people; it’s awkward and complicated and he almost always ends up feeling worse for it. 

“I was ten,” he admits quietly. “Maybe eleven. I didn’t… I thought it was normal. I had it in my head that if you do something wrong, you get punished for it. So that’s what I did. It took years for me to fully realise that most people didn’t think the same way. I mean, I would talk to my friends about this shit—“

“And none of them ever said anything?” Judd’s expression has shifted to outrage now and TK is almost scared he’s going to start swinging. Not at him, he knows Judd would never do that – again – but at something. The ghosts of TK’s past, maybe, except it wasn’t their fault either. 

It was always just TK. 

“Judd, listen, it’s okay. I was a kid and, like I said, I–”

“–thought it was normal,” Judd interrupts. “Yeah, I got that part nice and clear. But you’re not some kid anymore, TK, so I’m gonna need you to do a bit better than that.”

TK closes his eyes and grits his teeth, wanting more than anything to turn back time, to find some other outlet, to not have to have this conversation. It’s so hard to get people to understand and TK gets why; he knows perfectly well that what he’s doing isn’t normal or good or something anyone in their right mind would do. He doesn’t know how to explain, when he knows all that, why he does it anyway.

“It’s like an addiction,” he tries. “Once you start, once you get in so deep, you can’t stop even when you know you should. It’s just… It’s constantly there, Judd. Every time something happens there’s this voice in my head that tells me to…to…”

“To burn yourself with your coffee spoon?”

“To do whatever’s easiest. To, I don’t know, scratch myself up or slam my hand into the wall or, yeah, use the fucking coffee spoon because it’s what I deserve, right?” He takes a sharp breath and cuts himself off, turning away from Judd. “So now you know,” he says tightly, not looking back around. “Just do me a favour and don’t tell anyone else.”

A pause. A sigh. “TK…”

“Judd, please.” TK loves the crew, would trust them with his life, but he can’t handle more people knowing about this fucked up, broken part of him. “I can’t… I…”

Sudden tears rise in his throat and TK chokes, reaching out to grab the counter. His free hand clenches into a fist at his side, nails digging hard into his palm, but before he can go any further there’s another hand pulling his apart, arms pulling him into an embrace. Judd hugs him and TK can’t help but hide his face in his chest.

“I try not to,” he whispers, sounding childish even to his own ears, but what’s a little more humiliation?

“Okay.” Judd pulls out of the hug, moving his hands to TK’s shoulders and looking him in the eyes. “But, TK, man, I’m serious. You can’t keep doing this. It’s not healthy.”

“I know.” He takes a shaky breath and swallows hard. “I am trying.”

And he is. He is. But TK knows intimately how hard habits can be to kick, and this one is harder than many. Still, “I am,” he says again, and Judd must see the truth of it on his face because he nods reluctantly and claps TK on the shoulder.

“Alright,” he says. “I won’t tell. But if you need to talk to someone, preferably before any of this, you know I’mma be there for you. And Carlos and your daddy and everyone here. You know that, right?”

TK nods. “Thanks.”

Judd lingers for a second longer then walks away and TK turns back to the counter. The spoon is still there, right where he dropped it, and after staring at it for a moment, he washes it and throws it back in the drawer. The itch has gone now at least, but TK knows it will come back. It always does.

He just hopes that, next time, he’ll be strong enough.

[another-whump-sideblog]

Star

Orchard has company often, and she likes to show off her human servant, bragging about what a great deal she got.

Today, there is just one other faery. One with blue hair and eyes that change color every time they blink, and who smells of something Ray has never smelled before. Ray’s never been great with faces, but they think the faery’s facial features keep changing ever so slightly. Ray also can’t tell if the faery is a boy or a girl.

Ray serves them tea, respectfully avoiding eye contact.

“Who’s this?” The faery asks.

“A human I made a deal with. My servant.” Orchard says smugly.

“Ah. And what’s your name, human?”

Ray looks up. Orchard’s friends don’t usually talk to them. “I- Orchard calls me Servant. And what should I call you?”

“You can call me Star. And I’m not going to call you Servant. What about… Anne? That’s a human name, right? Can I call you Anne?”

“You can call me whatever you like.” Ray glances at Orchard, waiting to be told to leave and do some other chore. Orchard doesn’t seem to notice. All of her attention is on watching Star.

“So serious. Geez, what’d you do to them?”

“The human was like that before we made the deal. There are more important things to discuss. Servant, make yourself useful elsewhere.”

Orchard still won’t look away from Star. Ray quietly backs out of the room. If they’re lucky, they can find something to do that will make it look like they worked the whole time, while actually giving them a break.

—

The next time Star shows up, it’s for a big party. Star is the only person who has spoken to Ray with anything but disdain, so they find themself gravitating towards them. They still serve the other guests, of course. They just tend to end up closer to Star when they’re walking around, waiting to be asked to do something.

Ray has to walk a very thin line, showing that they care about the guests’ comfort while also not going beyond normal politeness, as fae will consider that an attempt to put them in debt. It’s exhausting.

“Oh dear, what happened to your poor hands?” Star has finally taken an interest in Ray again and approached them.

“I… mustn’t speak badly of Orchard.”

“Of course, I would never want to jeopardize your position here. I’m sure Orchard’s definition of a proper servant is very strict, and it wouldn’t be beyond her to use a tiny mistake on your end as an excuse to call off the deal. What will you lose if you break the deal, anyway?”

“I shouldn’t say.” Ray can’t think of why sharing the truth would be dangerous off the top of their head, but they’ve learned not to give any information to the fae that isn’t strictly necessary.

“Ah. I see.”

Someone calls for Ray across the room, reminding them they should not be so focused on just one guest.

“I must assist another guest.”

“Right, you’re on the clock. It was nice talking to you, Anne.”

Ray assumes that ‘on the clock’ is some kind of faery saying and puts the strange conversation out of their mind.

—

“I must confess, Anne, I don’t like the way Orchard treats you.”

Star came for some kind or meeting in a room that Ray wasn’t allowed to even get close to, but they’ve somehow ended up talking to Ray, halfway across Orchard’s home. Ray is sure they aren’t supposed to be here, but they know better than to question faeries.

“I am treated well. I am well fed and I have my own living quarters, which are comfortable.” Ray shouldn’t have shared that. Star doesn’t need that information, and they don’t think Star would tell on them for not complimenting Orchard. They’re off their game today.

“Okay, but you’re also, like, ten years old, and she burned your hands.

“I am not ten years old. The burns were usually accidental.” They really should just find a polite way to ask Star to leave them alone, but… they like talking to them.

That’s the problem. Ray has no issue with being evasive with the other faeries, but they don’t want Star to get bored and leave. They want to talk to the only faery who treats them like a person for a bit longer.

“‘Usually accidental?’ So she hurts you on purpose sometimes?”

“I don’t want to discuss this.”

“What do you want to discuss?”

Ray doesn’t want them to leave. They find a way to politely ask what they’ve been wondering for a while. “Should I call you sir, or ma’am?”

Star smiles. “Just call me Star.”

This is not the answer Ray was looking for. “Should I call you he, or she?”

“They.”

Ray doesn’t understand.

“You look confused.” Ray knows they don’t. They have been told by many, many people that their face doesn’t show their emotions correctly.

“I’m not a man or a woman. I’m not multiple people either, but your language’s gender neutral pronoun is also it’s plural pronoun, and you wouldn’t be able to pronounce the pronoun I use in my language.”

“Oh…” Ray feels destabilized in a way they haven’t since they first started serving Orchard. Also, they’re not positive what a pronoun is, though they can guess from context clues. “I didn’t even know you could be not a man or a woman. Is that a fae thing?”

“No, plenty of species have people like me.”

“How do you- how did you know you weren’t a man or a woman?”

Star laughs. Their laugh sounds close enough to someone suffocating to put Ray on edge, but Star seems fine. “It felt wrong to be called a man or a woman. I knew that wasn’t me.”

This is even more confusing to Ray, because neither binary gender has ever felt right to them either, but they’re sure they’re not like Star. Right?

“Hey, can I ask you one question? Then I’ll get out of your hair.”

“You can. I might not answer, though.”

“What year is it?”

Why would Star ask that? “Well, I know time flows differently here, so it’s probably been a few years, and me and Orchard made the deal in 1902, so probably around 1905 or so? I won’t be done with my debt for 60 or 70 years if everything goes right.”

Ray doesn’t understand the face Star is making. “I best get going, then. The others will wonder where I went.”

They hurry back in the direction they came from, leaving Ray very confused.

—

“Anne? Come here.”

It’s just Orchard and Star today, but Orchard left the room to do… something.

“Does Orchard let you care for the burns she gives you? Does she heal them or give you human first aid?”

“…No.”

“That’s what I thought. I got you something.”

Star holds out a small bottle of aloe vera gel. Ray goes to take it but…

“I would be in your debt.”

Star’s pupils change shape, narrowing to slits. They look distinctly… predatory. “Oh, of course. I’m sure you don’t want to be in anyone else’s debt. I’ll just give you an easy task, one you can do quickly, so you won’t be in my debt for long.”

“…you could thank me for giving you tea. Then you’d be in my debt for that and I’d be in your debt for taking the gel, and they’d cancel out.”

Star’s smile is slightly wider than a human’s could be. “I could, I definitely could. But that wouldn’t benefit me, would it?”

Ray knows they should feel upset. Star’s kindness is dependent on it benefiting them. Star doesn’t actually care about Ray’s well-being.

Instead of feeling upset, though, they feel… powerful. They’ve been given a choice, for the first time in a while. And Star has given them a lot of valuable information just by asking for a favor.

“What could I possibly do that would benefit you?”

“I’m sure you overhear a lot of stuff, working for Orchard. I just want to have all the information I can.”

Orchard charges into the room. Ray didn’t hear her coming, they were so focused on Star’s offer.

“Think about it.” Star says.

“Think about what? What are you two talking about?”

Star turns their attention to Orchard. “We were discussing human stuff. Did you know-“

“Ugh, gross. I didn’t invite you here to discuss humans. Servant, leave us.”

Ray does, feeling slightly giddy. Whatever they choose, it will be their choice, and the power that gives them is intoxicating.

—

The next time Ray sees Star, they don’t get a chance to speak. Ray thought that might happen. They slip Star a note.

Most information that would be interesting to you is spoken in faery languages. I would need to understand those to get you information. I also need you to understand that if Orchard caught me, she would consider my insubordination a breaking of the deal, and I would lose something I cannot afford to lose. I do not accept the deal.

Ray can’t just say “I don’t trust you and I’m not accepting the deal.” Star would get bored of them, and they’ve come to rely on the short bursts of positive attention. Ray needs to make sure Star always thinks they’re one convincing argument away from getting what they want, so they don’t decide to try and find someone else to provide information.

—

“Anne.”

Ray wakes up suddenly, heart pounding. Star stands above them.

“I understand that the favor I asked for will mean a lot of risk on your part. I’m willing to negotiate. What would make this worth your while?”

Ray can’t believe what they’re hearing. They get to negotiate?

They shouldn’t just negotiate for something they want, though. They should pick something that would require Star a lot of time, so that they continue talking to Ray.

“…It would be worth it if you could check on my sister for me, and tell me how she’s doing. And give me the aloe vera.”

“Where is your sister?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know how long it’s been since I last saw her.”

“What does she look like? What’s her name?”

“I’m not telling you her name. She looks very similar to me.”

“Mm. Fine. I’ll find her. Shouldn’t be too hard, with magic. Then you’ll help me?”

“I still don’t understand faery languages.”

“Right! I got you something.” Star hands them a small seashell. “Put that in your ear, and you’ll be able to understand any language. And you can accept it now, because you’ve agreed to our deal already, right? I just need to find your sister before you start your end of the deal.”

Ray shakes their head and tries to give the seashell back. When Star doesn’t take it, Ray drops it. “I have no use for this until it’s my turn to fulfill my end of the bargain. Until then, it’s just a liability. What happens if Orchard sees it?”

Star’s eye twitches. “Of course. Well, I’ll be back when I find your sister.”

Star picks up the seashell and jumps out the window. Ray goes back to sleep.

—

The next time Star visits Orchard is much, much later. They slip Ray a note, this time.

I checked on your sister. I will tell you how she is and give you the aloe vera and hearing device if you agree to help me out.

Ray isn’t sure what to do. They can’t get into debt, but they also can’t lose the only person who’s nice to them. They avoid Star as they mull it over.

—

When Star stormed into the house, Ray was worried they were mad at them. But Star doesn’t seem to notice Ray. They went straight to Orchard and started yelling, switching back and forth between english and a faery language.

Ray listens from only a few feet a way, completely ignored by the faeries, trying to figure out what’s going on. They catch something about “sabotage” and “this isn’t what we discussed” and “do you think you can get away with crossing me? I will make your life a living hell!”

Star storms out as quickly as they came in, but not before shaking Ray’s life one last time. “It’s 2015. Orchard took your sister into the fae realm so she could use you as a servant for longer.”

Star slams the door on their way out. Orchard glares at Ray. “This doesn’t change anything. If you stop serving me, if you break the deal, your sister will die.”

Star has given Ray another choice. They look at Orchard, look at the door, look at Orchard. It’s their choice.

Orchard tricked them. Star only revealed the truth to get back at Orchard, but… it’s more than Orchard ever did.

Ray sprints out the front door, calling for Star. “Where is my sister? Where did Orchard take her? Star!”

But Star is already gone.

[mochiwrites]

dude your such a good writer so I’m gonna rant to you about my stupid idea

People do like TCD Scar meeting Grian and going into hermitcraft and i think that’s cool. There’s also YHS Sam going into hermit craft and being insane and that’s also cool. but I feel like I’ve never seen, what if, imagine, hear me out, bear with me, you might know where I’m getting with this maybe

YHS Grian and TCD scar being thrown into hermit craft. Both of them. Or Tokyo ghoul Grian (haven’t watched that though sadly)?

Because I just think it’d be real interesting. I don’t really know what YHS Grian would be like at the time because I feel like he’s different in each kind of, big event? But either way YHS Grian is, after he first gets there, is also very insane. He’s maybe not as insane and Sam but he’s definitely nor NORMAL. There’s a lot of chance of cool stuff happening, maybe when he was forced to be Taurtis? Or after that, because there’s also the whole mafia thing which is cool?

Then TCD scar would also have trauma stuff too?? I haven’t seen much of tcd content so I need to get on that but still. He’d probably be very untrusting from a lot of people, not to mention him actually ever seeing a zombie in hc?

(I know there’s more about YHS Grian than TCD Scar but it’s just because I haven’t watched it much so… yeah,, I don’t really know how they’d interact with each other because, well, again, I haven’t seen tcd and don’t know what scar would be like. From what I’ve seen about him though I think the two of them meeting, and the two of them meeting the other hermits would just be. Well. Cool.)

sobs at you????

and also 👀👀 at this??? this isn’t a stupid idea at all!! I think it’s a fun concept for sure 👀 the hermits dealing with not one (1) but two (2) heavily traumatized children (do people even see tcd!scar as a teen???? I have no idea on that one but I feel like I’ve seen a lot with him being a teen so we’ll run with that) oh dear… I’m sure that would. Go over well ;;;;;;

I think the two of them might find comfort in each other. here they both are, probably similar ages and stuff, and Neither of them are very trusting toward the people around them. and there’s a bond that can form from that.

I think scar would have a hard time adjusting to being around other people again, considering he spent a long time alone with no one but zombies. it’d be easy to overstimulate him, 100%. and considering he’s so used to staying up at night and keeping watch, his sleep schedule would be nonexistent.

and grian…. he’s just a fucked up guy I don’t know what else to say about him LMAO

but I think the two of them meeting the other hermits is 👀👀 esp since you have that “wow we knew adult scar and grian were a little messed up but we didn’t know How messed up—”

now the question is are present day scar and grian there 👀

[moldybits]

I need to bitch for a minute here so hold on a sec

I understand most people don’t understand how pharmacies work. I don’t think corporations adding in things like drive thrus has helped retail pharmacy’s image either. But holy shit, this video (and especially the comments) fucking infuriate me

First off, I want everyone to know, a pharmacist has the 100% legal right to not fill your prescription for any reason. Now, normally when there is an issue with the prescription, the pharmacist will attempt to contract the prescriber to have something fixed, changed, clarified, etc. Rarely will a pharmacist ever outright refuse a prescription. I’ve seen it happen only a few times- and those few times came with good reasons. Remember, this is their license on the line. If they were to allow a prescription to get filled that could hurt or even kill you, and something did happen to you, then legal authorities come back at the pharmacist first for allowing it to be dispensed. I hate seeing comments like “this is between me and my doctor!!”. Your pharmacist knows more about medications and drug interactions than your prescriber. Your pharmacist is a healthcare professional. For the love of god they’re not fucking fast food workers that stand around and approve every medication they see.

Second, also in response to the comments, if you’re gonna complain about HIPAA, you better at least spell it right. It isn’t “HIPPA” 🙄. Anyway, yes a pharmacist can ask you any medical question they’d like. I can ask you any question I’d like as a pharmacy tech! I just can’t take your medical information and just tell the next random person in line. That is what HIPAA is. We’ve had a woman complain in the pharmacy that asking for her birthday- which is how we look up your medication in the first place- is a violation of HIPAA. It’s fucking not.

In response to the video- no one refused to fill the prescription. What most likely happened is this: Mounjaro is currently only FDA approved for type 2 diabetes. Not weight loss. Insurance rarely covers Mounjaro anyway. Won’t cover it at all for weight loss. There is a manufacturer discount card that can bring it down to $25 (this has changed). In order to bill the discount card, it basically needs to be billed thru insurance first, then be rejected, then billed thru the discount card which would usually bring it to the $25. They changed this for the new cards. Because of auditing, it now only covers the prescription if there is a type 2 diagnosis on the prescription. It will not cover it without it. So what probably happened is that the pharmacist tried to contact the prescriber for a diagnosis when the discount card didn’t go through, the provider didn’t get back to them, so they’re asking the patient (which they can legally do!) if they are using it for weight loss or diabetes. If course, a chain retail pharmacy can fill it for cash, if you’re willing to pay over $1000 out of pocket for it. Which I doubt the patient being mentioned in this video wanted to do. I specify chain pharmacy btw, because an independent might out right refuse to fill it solely based on profit alone. What if they order in Mounjaro, which has a huge cost, and you say you’ll pick it up for cash, but you never do? Now that pharmacy is out major $$$. Not as big of a deal for chain pharmacies, but it can hurt an independent. At the end of the day though, it wasn’t a refusal to fill, it just wasn’t covered and the patient didn’t want it. I’m sure had this woman just called and asked the pharmacist would’ve told her that. 

I do have 1 final point though. I’d like to point out this woman is a NP- Nurse Practitioner- and NOT a doctor. I know a lot of people don’t know the difference between PA/NPs and actual doctors, but I can’t emphasize enough that while she can diagnose and treat, she did NOT go to an actual medical school a doctor went to. Looking at her profile, she works at a place called “Lotus Healthcare and Aesthetics”, which while they say they offer physicals and vaccinations… it seems to me they focus heavily on “beauty and aesthetics” such as spray tanning and lash extensions…. Ya know, real medically important shit. If you wanna learn more about this shit just look over at r/Noctor and you’ll see what I mean

I’m not shocked this woman doesn’t know shit about pharmacies. But she spreads a message that I have to deal with every day at work. Pharmacies, as a whole, are not your enemy. Drug manufacturers and insurance companies will cause most of your headaches. Corporations that overwork and underpay both the pharmacists and techs are also the problem too. (Look, I’m not saying there aren’t shit pharmacists and you can’t have a bad experience. I’ve met awful pharmacists and techs. But most people I’ve met truly care about their work and their patients).

[hunters-hairnoodle]

Hey

This is my first post ever and ig technically a rant post but idrc. None of you know who I am and that’s okay. I just occasionally have these days where my mind breaks. I survive each day and then it builds up until eventually there’s a night where I just burst. Tonight’s that night. I have no one to talk to this about. If I talk to my friends they won’t understand or won’t know what to do. My sister, maybe but unlikely. My mom is part of the issue and my dad would never understand. He’d just console me and act like that’s that, problem solved. Or he’d bring up fucking Jesus and make me pray over it, when I’m honestly fucking done with religion. 

The days themselves are fine, they’re fine ig. I mean little issues here and there but overall it’s fine. But i get to these nights and realize that it’s not all fine and that there’s a lot of fucking problems, but I can’t do anything about it. I’m a teenager, I don’t have money or can legally drive. Besides running away or suicide my options are limited. 

This is gonna sound so stupid to some people, and people will make fun of me for it cuz teenagers are demons who harvest on despair and anguish, but I’m just so worried that I can never be myself ever. At school it’s a facade. At home it’s a facade on who my mom wants me to be. I try to fit into it, but ik I’m fucking miserable. But whenever I am myself no one likes it. I become to weird or nerdy or annoying. And my mom hates it when I actually act like myself. I’ve broken free a little bit over the years, but overall I keep everything restrained. And she’s not a bad person, my mother, she’s just complicated. I can’t tell if she’s the issue or if I am. If I’m actually the bratty kid who’s complaining for no reason or if I have a legitimate reason to be upset. I can’t tell and I don’t know if I ever will be. 

On nights like these I go unnoticed by my family so I can wallow in pity alone. For some reason I can’t explain whenever anyone sees me crying or upset or having a panic attack or needing to rant I stop immediately. I listen through the walls as I cry to hear any movement. As soon as I hear any and hear my mother open her bedroom door to go to the bathroom i immediately stop and quiet myself. Just tonight while I was crying and breathing heavily and having a hard time thinking straight and acting normally I heard my mom talking to my sister. I stopped immediately and hid my phone since i knew she wouldn’t want me up. Just as I thought she walked into my room to say goodnight. I hid the crying sound from my voice as well as I could. For once she actually seemed concerned and asked if something was wrong. I was so tempted to tell her to be able to rant and cry to her, but I couldn’t. Because the problems are either her or me being gay and non-binary or just people at school. And whenever I share I’m always bad at it and don’t know how to describe it and get frustrated with myself. Guess I’m better at typing it all out then saying it. Then she always ends up getting mad at me for extending her help and I hate myself more. 

It’s not she’s a bad person she’s just hard. She yells curses in the car all the time at other drivers, which Ik isn’t a big deal but when you’ve been at school all day and just want some peace you’re hearing yelling. She’s also very judgemental of other people. She judged everyone by class and looks and their behavior. And it’s to an excessive degree. I think this may have caused me to feel the way I do about myself rn. She never says anything to me specially, but that’s when I act the right way. When I actually act like myself and wear what I want and look how I wish she judges me. Even if she doesn’t say anything directly I can tell by the way she looks and the way she responds with a tight voice. And the issue is whenever I vocalize any of these either what happens is above or she levels it down to me being a teenager and acting like a teen, therefore making my feelings not matter. That’s probably why I’m questioning if I have the right to be upset rn.

She’s also like a feminist which is a bad thing but it’s in a toxic way. Like every single man is bad boo. And then she’s hypocritical in the sense because she’ll hold men by the stereotypes but then changing her mind when it doesn’t benefit her. It’s hard to explain, but that’s the gist of it. For example we watched Hamilton together and she was complaining that there were no women in it (we hadn’t gotten to Schuyler sisters yet) she complained about how they have color blind casting and all that but why women couldn’t play these roles. I explained that it has to do with voice parts since usually AFAB and AMAB people have different sounding voices. She huffed and puffed at this. Throughout the thing she would make me stop so she could learn about the women involved in it and then would just kinda talk shit about the dudes the whole time and making it this whole thing when it’s just a fucking musical about a founding father. And I just have a complicated relationship with it since I’m AFAB and non-binary it’s just hard. Cuz I’m a feminist just not in my moms sense of it. And she’s hypocritical with it. Like when we watched the Oscar’s this lady won for this feminist movie and she did a whole feminism speech thing and my mom was all here for it. But later on when black Panther won something and the lady made a speech about black power she changes the channel! And Ik she would do the same shit if it was a speech about LGBTQ stuff.

With LGBTQ it’s so fucking hard being a gay non-binary teen. I live in the south and everyone here is fucking toxic christian who just say they don’t support it and move on. Or if they accept me they don’t really. Or they just tolerate it. Ig you would call it lesbian non-binary technically. That’s what I am. I have a they/them pin on my backpack and beanie. But no one calls me the right shit. I can’t correct them cuz then they’ll look at me and we’ll talk and they’ll just think it’s weird and not care enough. And being gay is the fucking worse. I’m the odd one out and yeah I can joke about it but it gets hard. I take a lot of shit letting people joke about it. Even with the f slur. But I can’t say anything. I’m still seen as weird for it, tho I am one of the more accepted ones for it probably cuz I don’t make a big deal about it. I haven’t really dated anyone. Ik if I did or actually talked about how I liked girl I’d be see as weird and looked at funny. Even with girls I’m friends with theyll just single me out for it. Like when we’re joking around and their being silly straight girls, and I’m not even trying to join in, they’ll be like “well not you cuz you’re gay and I don’t want you getting the wrong idea.” And then whenever I actually try to share my opinion on gay shit and how it makes me feel it doesn’t even matter. What’s worst of all is one of my best friends doesn’t fucking accept me cuz she’s super Christian. I want to talk to her about it but I can’t I fucking can’t cuz she doesn’t agree. I get asked weird questions or I get asked why im like this. I just wanna be myself for fucks sake. Why can’t anyone get that?

Im out to the whole grade and im really starting to regret it. 

I forgot to mention that my parents are divorced. My dads basically a sex addict but pretends he’s not. He’s just weird with everything, I never know what to do around him. I don’t know exactly what happened to make me get where I am with him, but yeah. Oh and my parents hate each other and don’t hide it. I don’t mind it too much but I bet it has some affect on me. 

Ik if ever told my mom I was gay it wouldn’t go great. There are several possibilities for it. She would either tell me I’m not, tell me I don’t know yet, or pretend to accept me but not really and judge me for it. And the non-binary thing she would hate. She’d wonder why I don’t want to be a woman. She’d say I’m just a masculine girl. But Ik I’m not. I’ve thought for fucking months about that shit and being called a girl and SHE sounds weird and wrong and not me. If I told her my new name too she’d flip. She’d wonder what was wrong with the name she chose and why I don’t like it anymore. She’d take it as a personal offense. 

This just adds to the fact that I can never be myself. But I don’t even know if that’s a good thing. No one at school ever likes when I am. They talk down about the few times I was myself. But I don’t even know wtf that is. I think it’s a little bit of what I am now, but not fully. My mom doesn’t like when I act how I want to at all. And just so you know I’m not some rebellious teen trying to do drugs or something. I just want to vibe as myself fully and without bounds. Do the things I want to do and not hold back. Wear what I want, get my hair how I want. But I can’t. It’s not just them. I’m scared to. I’ve been told my whole life that this is what good successful people do and looking this way or that will get judged and people will think this about you (aka when my mom judges everyone on every little thing). And then if I can be myself maybe I’ll finally be happy. But Ik it won’t work cuz people at school will make fun of me behind my back. I don’t know why I have all these issues or if they’re even issues at all. Maybe I am just a bratty teen complaining about nothing. I feel as tho I should be happy cuz on the surface that’s what it should be. But I’m not. Cuz if this is what happiness is it’s shit. But I don’t even know what that feels like and idk if I ever will.

If you’ve come this far thanks for reading all this. You’ve indulged me for one of my annual “nights” where I break. Thanks. I hope you’re happy.