#but also. i think other things would STILL effect them and ppl like. brush over it??

[upsidedowngrass]

you ever think about how, on top of the other assorted traumas the main cast had to endure, they now have to deal with the fact that they know what the afterlife is like, and it sucks?

i DO and i think about it a LOT!!!

as is. probably expected. i think abt it the MOST wrt liam. because the way i see it, he does NOT like dying at all and he also KNOWS what it Really looks like. he KNOWS that theres nothing actually there, and all he knows of the waiting room is 1. a radio that is basically a device that is most likely to just get you killed, and 2. if you dont use the radio, you are trapped Forever. thats. not a pleasant way to view what awaits you

i actually think that eventually the waiting room would come to look like Something for liam years later once he gets home, and that it just looking as it truly is to him largely has to do with the immediate traumatic experiences he was going through all the times he saw it (something something, the waiting room showing you what you want or something you miss etc, but him not having anything to go off of because hes not thinking of much and is a bit detached from the stuff he COULD be thinking about, blah blah blah. my ideas on what determines if you see smth ARE a bit rough bc its so vague tho i also tend to think it has smth to do with if you were 'supposed' to die at that moment, like how stones knowledge of stuff clearly favors certain events over others. its hard to explain and i dont wanna derail this post. its not completely relevant) and that, once he Dies dies itll be Okay! but i think the fact that he knows what the waiting room can be at its worst would probably assume that, when he dies, everythings gonna suck for ETERNITY and id. imagine that is a very haunting thought process to have. i think death scares him a LOT because of this (he SAW julien, and i think the idea of that happening to him and no one ever helping , since it was so unlikely for julien to be saved anyway) and its. probably one of many things hes gonna HAVE to work out in therapy or smth . the guy went through TWO situations where he was trapped somewhere for Possibly Forever, the idea of that being what hes doomed to experience For The Rest Of Time is probably Not Pleasant and Not Helped by his other trauma

the other characters i think have a very different view of it, but not necessarily in a 'better' or 'worse' way . but its because all of them DID see soemthing in the room (or in amelias case, likely wasnt there long enough to even know WHAT she was looking at, let alone assess it.). bryce eventually saw it for what it was yeah, but he def KNOWS what it Can be. for bryce, then, i think its also. complicated? because it seems to be a tipping point for him in the series. and i think its because, when things go wrong and theres no Direct Person To Blame, hes like. almost sluggish? idk how to describe it, its almost similaar to how liam responds to things being fucked up, but feels fundamentally different, and hes just kinda There. if i had to guess, that has to do with his preexisting trauma and how he responds to it, but he generally comes across as if hes in shock the Whole time. the fact that he Died, For Real is uncomfortable to him, but it doesnt seem to mean Much wrt what the room is Showing him. i think the fact that its 'not real' is irrelevant, and i think thats ALL him. because its the exact thing he would Want to be real. id imagine its very dreamlike. and most people jsut Go Along with things in their dreams

even when he comes to see the room as it is, it seems to have more with the fact that him and liam had to work together for a WHILE. we dont know how long they tried to get to stones world (other than that they were killed More than 20 times), but its safe to assume they Didnt realize theyd be able to get BACK home (given bryces surprise at teh san francisco note). so when they actually find stones world its like. bryce DOES care abt liam, and has the whole time (with him going up the smokestack being the biggest indicator. 'i want my car keys back,' as many have pointed out is. a reason, but an obvious excuse). the notes ARE saying something, texty JUST found something important. but liam is upset to not have gotten ANYTHING out of dying 20 times, and while bryce was mostly just Going Along before, now it seems like theres an Actual possibility they could stop airy because they just DID, and liam DOESNT notice it??? and i think, then, his primary goal becomes something the room cant replicate, not really (side note, that we dont see what bryce sees because its a Show. and i think many people assume Right when texty brought them back that he saw it was. but i think it Stopped showing the suburbs AS he was talking to liam, hence the surprise! i imagine it was visually similar to when a setting changes in a dream. but thats not important to this post). from here, he doesnt seem more OPTIMISTIC, but it seems like hes more. content? determined? which i imagine has to do with 'thought he was dead Forever, and was in shock' -> 'thought he was dead Forever, but might be able to help the other contestants! which is good!' -> 'hes NOT dead forever. but like. he STILL can help them!' which i think is a weird combo of Good News and a New Goal RIGHT after smth Super Fucked Up

anyway, the conclusion that tangent was supposed to visualize is that. i think the waiting room might be. mostly positive to bryce??? but in the same way someone might think positively of something saving them from smth fucked up. like that isnt to say the bryce likes it but i think its a complex appreciation?? im not sure. he talks a lot abt how he doesnt want to throw everything away Again, and i think the waiting room almost Contradicted everything about that? like. dying SHOULDVE been the end of everything. but it??? wasnt??? it ultimately didnt help anything substantially, but like. he went through All That and came out alive, somehow? endorphins were probably also at play

but then also it DID lead to him dying 20+ times. so its certainly not just positive for him. but i think overall this would make how he feels about the waiting room. pretty complex? and probably confusing for himself. given that he saw it as it was for a relatively short amount of time, and the two didnt take too much time trying to figure out WHAT the room even WAS, i dont think itd be easy to connect everything together. and it wouldnt be unreasonable for him to assume that itd be the suburbs if he ever went back, or that if it WAS that orange and pink place, maybe thats not fully bad? but eeither way, itd certainly be disorienting to think about. i think the idea of it not having been Real would be confusing and maybe a bit upsetting, but he doesnt strike me as caring TOO much if its 'real.' though i think the idea of spending the rest of existence in something Fake would also be. unnerving

charlotte also definitely saw Something. its never clarified WHAT, but the fact that she saw something is Clear. and i think shed probably be affected by it in a more subtle way, because she NEVER saw it as it was. as far as she knows, when she died, she was shown something (and likely someone) that she wanted to go to, so i think shed see it as mostly a positive place. a very desirable place to be!!! but that has little to do w how shed feel abt dying itself. because i think the idea of death not being smth Bad would be comforting, but also the act of dying itself would be the unsettling in itself. that, and the fact that she can be brought back Easily, potentially. which ALSO isnt necessarily negative but also i think would be Weird to think about. that you can be somewhere great forever, for the rest of existence, but at any moment that place could be taken away. Really, its not that much different from the trauma of the plane (though, given her life beforehand, the idea of being taken from someplace definitively Good might be more unique to her having died) but its likely smth that would Still impact her

amelia then is the most complicated to figure out out of the four? bc we dont even know how much she SAW. it likely wasnt MUCH but like. she seems to know she Died, at the very least, and knows how temporary it Can be (however unrealistic that may seem) . as such i think her feelings on the waiting room are probably hazy, and what ideas she DOES have are closer to charlottes. most of what she knows about it would likely be based around what the others tell her. really, for amelia, i think the more haunting aspect is the Dying part. i think it affects her sense of self, and that having been brought back partially Didnt happen. that amelia died, and scenty was respawned. as such, i think the waiting room COULD be a negative concept for her, but only on account of it having been the last thing that the idea of amelia probably ever saw. that, or the first thing the idea of where scenty begins starts. just a extremely brief glimpse into somewhere dreamlike, and then a huge shift in self. i think post canon this feeling of having Died lingers a LOT, and what would haunt her about the afterlife has more to do with the idea of ANOTHER loss of self. which would also have to be smth Worked out in therapy or smth of that nature

basically i think they all would have verrry different thoughts on the waiting room , but even those among them that dont have a completely negative view of it wouldnt necessarily see it positively. and i think itd suck for them . SO bad. but i think someday it would maybe suck a little less!

[peachjagiya]

i just watched a reaction video to tkk moments from 2023 and it was so interesting to see someone who doesn’t ship them and only sees them as close friends react to it. the girl said she didn’t realize at first that the video she chose to react to was a ship video but she just decided to keep watching it anyways from a friendship pov. like i don’t think the girl had any ill intent and wasn’t trying to disregard them being close. but it was interesting seeing her explain all of the moments as “broey”. she said something to the effect of “ik some ppl like to ship them romantically but i personally rlly just think they have a big brother/little brother/best friend vibe and i think they just got super close in 2023 bc their schedules were similar too”. which tbh their schedules did NOT align so idk where she got that from. ig bc they were seen out together so much she just assumed oh it’s bc they just had coincidentally aligning schedules when in reality, no, they just clearly made a priority of still spending time together even when they were both super busy.

the video she was reacting to broke down almost all of the taekook moments from 2023 and a lot of them i could kinda understand how some can just see as best friend love but then along came the kappa tshirts moment and she was like “oh i didn’t know this happened wow maybe that was a coincidence but if it was planned that shows how close friends they are ig”. LOL like to me since it was so obviously NOT a coincidence (how could it be? it’s such a niche/specific shirt to be wearing at the same time) i don’t get how ppl can see it as brotherly or best friend vibes…like it literally says “kappa sweetheart” in a heart and they’re wearing it at the same time when they’re apart, how is that possibly a friend thing ? and then also along came the moment where taehyung said jk sings “to find you” to him and it played the video of jk singing the song and tae singing along and she once again was just like “oh that’s cute, see how close friends they are”. and i rlly don’t get that ??? how is that even a little bit friendly, let alone jk singing that TO tae ??? like these two things are so clearly romantic to me and unless you’re someone who subscribes to the “taehyung is a liar and jk clout chaser” narrative then i don’t understand how singing a love song to ur supposed friend is not indicative of a romantic relationship ?

it was so interesting seeing someone who is clearly an ot7 just brush over some of these moments between tkk and have essentially nothing to say. like she just kind of stayed quiet during those two moments and didn’t say much other than “see they’re besties” and “they’ve always been like that”. bc to me HOW are these things friendly ? i understand skinship and affection is normal in sk but these two things cannot possibly be friendly…even the dream premiere she said gave her big brother and lost little brother vibes, which like okay SURE ig u could argue that in some way, but why would jk be THAT shy ? and the matching sweetheart tshirts and jk serenading tae w a love song completely unphased her (or she was sitting there in denial internally idk). like r these ot7s just SO opposed to the possibility of the boys being anything other than brothers and straight that even when u see some shit as obvious as THAT they just brush over it ??

i’m not saying everyone needs to hardcore believe in tkk but when ur presented w some of these moments i just don’t understand how it can be brushed off SO easily as brotherly/friendly. never in my life have i serenaded my friend w a LOVE song (or any song period lol) nor have i worn matching sweetheart tshirts on the same day when we are apart. sorry ik this got super long but her lack of reaction just kind of irked me.

here’s the link to the reaction vid if u wanna watch it:

https://youtu.be/1OwcLNNPKxU?si=UF_QSA-uSYdHCI9M

(the kappa sweetheart shirt reaction is at 20:17 and the “to find you” reaction is at 34:25)

There's times in that video where she looks like she's surprised by what she's seeing but doesn't say anything.

Other times it feels a little defensive to me. Like here's her thought and it's going to be bro behaviour regardless of what she's actually seeing.

I think it's fine if that's her reading of it. We all look at it through our own specific set of ideas and experiences.

I also don't want to be reductive about men being close and assuming that all men who hug and spend time together are secretly a couple. That feels like the kind of thing that reinforces toxic masculinity.

But the sharing of love songs spanning years and the way they talk to each other and look at each other just feels different.

Jimin and Hobi don't give me the same vibes, for example. And we know they're super close.

Thanks anon! 💜

[daenerys-targaryen]

Thank you for being so open to listening (jkr discourse). The amount of ppl (mostly cis) who have victimized themselves, acted as though they’re being attacked when really we’re just trying to take down jkr’s massive platform, is shameful. No one is denying the nostalgia we all feel for HP but is it really worth endorsing someone so hateful? You’re so right about the best thing to do is to physically move on. I tried explaining this to another blogger and she and all her followers then accused me of acting like I thought I was better than her for not being emotionally attached even though I explained that i too had an emotional attachment to HP. Still, the best thing to do is block it out, engage in other media. Let the nostalgia exist in your brain but then just, let it go. It becomes a easier over time, I promise. Hope you’re well and thank you once again for not shutting out all the ppl who have been hurt by JKR for the sake of nostalgia ❤️

I don't know how to reply because I... wasn't an ally when this discussion was first brought to my blog. Obviously, for anyone who saw the discussion I had about this a few nights ago, you know that at first, I didn't really understand the issue in reblogging / engaging with hp content itself. That is what started it on this blog, I got an anon telling me to stop reblogging hp content because it supports JKR and I was confused and didn't understand that and I think I was on the defense because 1) I didn't know the full horrific deplorable extent of her actions and was just like, "you can separate the artist from the art," but to be honest 1) I'm not sure if I really believe that anymore and 2) even if that's possible for other artists / their work, I'm not sure if that's possible for hp / JKR at this point. I said that me reblogging hp didn't have any effect on people because everyone knows it at this point, and I won't give it any more exposure than it already has. I was also on the defense because I felt that people were saying you can't love Harry Potter and be an ally at the same time, which at the time I obviously felt like was too much. I felt like that was possible because I felt that I was a good ally. I saw other cis people express this same idea and felt comforted that I wasn't wrong. I was being a good ally. I knew I supported trans people, I donated to them, I signal boosted them any time I was given the opportunity to do so. I also was annoyed because there were people who were acting like they were better than me because they don't like hp which really annoyed me. I was also annoyed because I was told that it was 'fucked up' that I grew up on it as if I can change what I watched and was exposed to as a child, my mom single handily raised me and she loves high fantasy including star wars, star trek, lord of the rings and harry potter. Not to mention that we had no idea JKR would be this way when the books and then movies came out, but that's beside the point. I saw being a hp fan and engaging with it the same as keeping the water running when I brush my teeth or turning my car on a few minutes before I leave for work (aka, grey and not black and white as people make it seem) but it's not the same at all. So yeah, I was on the defense. I didn't quite understand the ramifications of engaging with hp and felt annoyed that someone was just telling me what I can and can't do on my own blog rather explain to me how me engaging with the content supports JKR.

Then... I saw trans people I follow and care about express how they understand that people are attached to the series, it still made them feel unsafe, unwelcome, and unloved. I can't tell you the overbearing amount of shame and guilt I felt at that moment. They felt unsafe because I was prioritizing a fictional universe and fond memories over their own well-being, their mental health, their safe space - whether I meant to or not, that's what I was doing. Whether I felt like I was doing that or not, that's what they felt I was doing. It's different when you just have an anonymous person in your inbox demanding you to stop reblogging something because x y z is happening and then when you personally see the effects your actions have caused someone. It's real easy to remove yourself from the problem when you feel like what you're doing isn't part of the problem.

I'm so sorry to hear that you were targeted. I was speaking with a friend who also loves Harry Potter about this and we both just kind of had a little therapy session and really grieved the love that we once had for the series and I've just come to the conclusion that the best thing to do for me personally to move on from it is to just not engage with it anymore. It will still exist and be there. I'll forever be fond of my childhood and being in a harry potter club and literally being on a quidditch team in high school, but at this point, I can't separate the art from the artist. I can't change my past, I can't change that I loved it once in my life, I can't change what JKR has done, but I can change how I engage with it now and in the future. Not to mention how I've heard that the books are even more transphobic, are racist, and misogynist, I haven't read them but I have no doubt that it's true. So it overall just leaves a nasty and bitter taste in my mouth.

Being a woman, being queer myself, and being autistic, I know that when a group that is discriminated against tells you that you shouldn't do this because x y z, you probably should listen to them. I didn't at first. I had to be told that I was wrong. I had to look that in the face and understand that engaging with hp meant that I was actively engaging with her anti-trans rhetoric and agenda even if I was vehemently against it in my heart and head.

So no, I don't want to be thanked, I want to thank you for allowing me to be wrong and allowing me to grow and change my opinion when presented with a new perspective. Thank you. Thank you for not immediately assuming I was this or that and just letting me be wrong and letting me learn from my mistakes. I'm not perfect and while I of course know that, I think sometimes it's really easy to just blast people for this and that online because this isn't real life. It's easy to blast someone online, even if you're mutuals or were friends, it's really easy to take what they're saying at face value and I think that allowing people to gain the full perspective and change and grow as people is so important because otherwise, what's the point?

It absolutely will become easier with time. Thankfully I'm more emotionally attached to the likes of Lord of the Rings, but yes, everyone will grieve and let go in their own time but what matters is that they eventually stop engaging with it altogether. It's ok to be fond of it. It's ok to have nostalgia for it. However, it's more important to support trans people and help them feel safe today than support someone who actively hates them and funds the pockets of transphobic politicians.

[420pogpills]

i think my issue with how ppl have treated dream over this issue is how it goes against the whole “educate not cancel!!” rhetoric twitter has when they actually have to watch the education happen. when dream has been criticised previously for insensitive comments or ignorance they’ve been things he’s visibly grown from already, so ppl have been able to just brush it off. but when it comes to a new situation like this one where dream is being held accountable for something recent and is going through the process of educating himself by following all these accounts that discuss these issues (in the midst of getting shit on for completely unrelated unfair reasons and ppl trying to DOXX him), suddenly ppl aren’t willing to wait or trust that he’ll grow. he’s acknowledged he was wrong and is taking steps to correct it, which is what twitter always says they want. it just kind of shows that ppl don’t actually practice what they preach, they just go with the rhetoric that makes them comfortable.

yeah i totally get what you mean 💚 this got super long so i'm putting it under here :)

so here's the thing - there's no crash course to being a good person. you learn what's right and wrong as you grow older, as you make mistakes, as you speak to many different people and get many different opinions. my issue with everything is that people will call dream out, and then once he apologises, they think okay that's it, he's never going to fuck up on this again! but it doesn't work that way.

i've touched on this before but i firmly stand by it - growing up in a morally right, open-minded environment is a PRIVILEGE. a privilege that not everyone has. because the thing is, when you're being raised with let's say racist or homophobic views - they're not telling you that these views are wrong! they're not telling you that you're doing the wrong thing, they're teaching you these things to you like it's the norm. so you don't grow up believing you're saying and thinking terrible things, you grow up thinking these things are just normal and they aren't hurting anyone. so alongside educating yourself on important issues, on things that are hurtful, you also have to work even harder to unlearn everything you've been taught. and that is the hardest part!

so if you were raised under questionable circumstances, or you grew up being taught certain political views, or you spent hours upon hours online playing games with strangers who's moral compasses are almost non-existent - that will have a massive impact on you. you have to put in SO much work to unlearn the bad and the ugly. and learning something new is so much easier than unlearning something you grew up believing, especially when the lines were totally blurred for you.

so the issue with social media today, is that people expect this change to happen overnight. it really just does not work that way. does it make it okay for people to be ignorant, micro-aggressive, naive? of course not. but it's something they will learn with time. we don't have as much control over our brains as we would like to think we do.

take intrusive thoughts for example - you cannot stop that. if you think of something scary, it's near impossible to force your brain to stop thinking about it. same with plenty of other emotions. your brain will function differently compared to your experiences in life. it takes YEARS to figure out how to get along with your brain, and how to teach yourself to be a good person, how to unlearn the things you always thought were normal things but as you grew up, you realise those things are hurtful to others.

dream is young and he is naive and he puts far too much trust in this fandom. i appreciate the love he has for us, but i think he's digging himself into holes much deeper than necessary by blindly defending the actions of certain dream fans. i'm sure he will learn one day, but until then, he will fuck up. he will make mistakes, and some of those mistakes will be the same ones from his past. but people need to understand how long it takes for you to change your way of thinking. because he's human.

i personally sympathise with him because i did not at all have the privilege of being raised in an open minded environment. i've been working so hard for many years now to change myself, to open my eyes, to listen, to realise that so much of what i was taught is not acceptable. i am proud of who i'm becoming but i'm not there yet. i still have internalised issues, i still struggle with intrusive thoughts and my predisposition. the difference is, i don't have 23 million people, and some more, constantly on my back, treating me like making a mistake makes me somehow deserving of being completely torn down and apart. you have to give people room to grow. backing them into a corner every week is not going to do that. more than likely, eventually it will just have the opposite effect.

i'm not asking for anyone to forgive him or let him off for everything - just that offering a bit of compassion sometimes wouldn't hurt. look out for the change you hope to see in him. if more time goes by and you fail to see it, you can make the choice whether you walk away or not. but you won't change him by forcing him to. we don't need force, we don't need demands, we need to encourage and assist, and learn for ourselves too!

[thefactsofthematter]

tell me how you’d plan/map out a zombie au! like a writing exercise yk -fizz

oooo that’s something i would probably never write, so this is an interesting idea!!! let’s do it @jack-kellys

- a walking dead style dystopian au is SO not my scene, so i’m gonna play with the whole zombie thing a little here for maximum angst

- ok. i would definitely get WAY too invested in the details of the physiology of how ppl are turning into zombies, since one of my weird niche interests is epidemiology and infectious disease pathology, BUT i won’t go overboard here. i’m basically seeing a modern au with a flu-like disease that can take someone out in a matter of hours… and then they wake up and there’s just. something slightly off about them, and the longer they’ve been undead for, the more wrong they seem

- it would be javid bc of course it would,, davey gets home from work and he’s not feeling too good… later that night he’s got such a high fever that he can hardly stay awake and jack is freaking the hell out. he goes to bed early (and dies in his sleep but shhh jack doesn’t know that) and then wakes up in the morning and immediately feels way better, like he was never sick at all.

- i’m not gonna worry about paths of transmission and all that, but this disease is pretty contagious, and soon everyone is talking about this weird flu that makes you insanely sick for like 12 hours and then goes away as soon as you sleep it off. there’s a stay at home order, a la covid pandemic, so the fic mostly takes place within javid’s apartment

- so far, davey seems… fine. he’s a little spacey and all over the place, but he was just really sick, so neither him nor jack think much of it.

- i think the most fun part of this hypothetical fic would be dropping hints that something’s wrong with davey. just little things, like he suddenly has a huge appetite, or he’s really pale and tired and his face seems kind of sunken.... things you could attribute to the flu, but are also very zombieish

- outside of their apartment, hospitals are starting to see exactly what this disease is doing, but no one wants to alarm the public too much, so it’s kept sort of under wraps. there’s some rumours of a zombie apocalypse, but most people (javid included) brush that off as conspiracy theory bullshit.

- davey, however, is starting to have worse and worse brain fog, and he feels really gross and tired… maybe this flu has some weird longer-term effects? and then he gets in the shower and realizes that it looks like the tips of his toes are decaying. he obviously makes a point to hide this from jack,, but he’s starting to give that zombie theory a little more consideration. it sounds insane, but he can’t wrap his head around it any other way.

- they go to bed that night, and jack wakes up and notices that he can’t feel davey’s heartbeat. in a panic, he even tries feeling for his pulse, but he can’t find it at all. he flips his shit and thinks he’s dead, so he starts shaking him awake,, and davey wakes up, perfectly calm

- “baby, it’s the middle of the night. what on earth is going on?” / “you didn’t have a heartbeat! you were dead!” / davey just blinks at him. “jackie, i’m right here. you had a nightmare, it’s okay. go back to sleep.”

- as he tries to go back to sleep, davey notices that he his heart is, in fact, not beating. he has no pulse, his extremities are practically about to fall off, and he can hardly rely on his own mind to keep up with the world around him… holy shit, he might be dead. he’s terrified.

- he spends all morning trying to figure out if he should tell jack or not— he doesn’t want to scare him, but he has no idea what to do, and he doesn’t want to let it go so far that he loses control and accidentally kills him. he’s scared his flesh is going to start rotting right off of him, and he’s getting more and more tired and confused, so he decides he needs to try and explain it to jack while he still has some control of his mind. just when he’s about to say something, there’s a knock on the door.

- it’s the fire department. they’re here to get them to evacuate— there’s an extremely potent carbon monoxide leak in their building, and if they don’t get out soon, it could kill them.

- THEY HALLUCINATED THE WHOLE THING!!! LMAO

- as soon as they get outside and get some fresh air they realize there’s no mystery disease or apocalypse… they both just had crazy carbon monoxide poisoning. that’s it, that’s the story ajgkfhfhfjghf 

[letterstomilen]

i discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)

Childe/Zhongli, Alternate Universe (read part 2 here) When Childe's younger sister tells him about the volunteer at the library, he does not make the connection between that and his new favorite ASMR YouTuber, Rex Lapis.

Childe has a very effective method of getting through college. His little sister, who’s caught him making coffee at three in the morning on more than one occasion the past week alone, would beg to differ. 

“You’re the best older brother,” she starts off, and he’s sure she’s trying to convince herself more than him at this point, “but you need to fix your sleeping habits.” Then, because she’s his little sister, she’d flash him a smile and pat his shoulder reassuringly.

(The comment is not lost on him though. He understands his sleeping situation will eventually wear him down if it hadn’t already, but he believes if he’ll drink a coffee every morning and a Monster every night, he’ll get through three days. By the third day, he’ll hardly be coherent but that doesn’t matter because he’ll conk out for the next twelve hours and then repeat.)

“Don’t worry, Tonia,” he says, trying to sound as reassuring as possible as he contemplates whether it’s worth it or not to swallow a pill of 5-hour energy with his morning coffee. “Once break ends, I’ll get back to normal.”

“You said that six seasons ago.”

Childe frowns, trying to remember if his sleeping schedule was this dysfunctional last year. “Huh?”

“The Walking Dead seasons,” Tonia clarifies, as if she’s not twelve years old and the show is for grown adults. He thinks. He hasn’t checked Commonsensemedia ever since La Signora labeled him as a “helicopter parent” and his Netflix tab has been playing How to Get Away with Murder as background noise for the past few weeks.

Isn’t it a show about zombies though? Tonia’s sheepish smile tells it all, because it’s the same exact guilty look he had when he got caught red-handed as a kid.

(Once he remembers later, Childe promises himself, he’ll check out The Walking Dead.)

“Oh. Well. I have a lot of shows to catch up on, you know. Not to mention a ton of my professors gave me reading for over the break.”

A half lie. They did give him a lot of reading because each professor assumed that their classes were his only one, and with seven days left, he still has a textbook worth of reading to go through. But there are no shows that Childe would sacrifice his precious sleep for. As a matter of fact, he would love to sleep. He’s spent the majority of his classes back in high school sleeping and faking attention, saving his grade at the last minute — it was quite the extreme sport really, if he says so himself.

Whenever he tries to sleep recently, his thoughts run at several hundred miles per hour, and he spends several hours staring at the ceiling before succumbing to the computer at his desk and watching trashy movies. At this point, he must have gone through the entire romance comedy list on Netflix. (Not a proud point in his life but if anybody ever wanted him to give a list of best to worst romance comedy movies, he now has one.)

Tonia, on the other hand, isn’t incredibly convinced.

Admittedly, the excuse was lame. Also, he can’t easily lie to his little sister, who’s far shrewder than he takes her for at times.

“You never start your reading in advance. You like to speed read it right before your class or watch a five-minute video on the chapters while your teachers take attendance. But that’s… uh, ‘a bad work ethic.’” Tonia looks immensely proud of herself as she says this, finishing it off with, “Zhongli told me that.”

“Zhongli?” he repeats, trying to remember if that’s one of her classmates or some stranger that’s hoping to kidnap his sister.

“The guy that volunteers at the library sometimes. He recommended me a loot of good books to read, but he talks like an old man.”

“How old?” Childe can tell she’s enjoying this — talking about her new friend at the library that he’ll probably have to run a background check on.

“Like he’s in his sixties or something. But he looks… actually, he looks your age! And he’s a student too. I told him all about you.”

Well, that doesn’t sound very reassuring coming from the mouth of a twelve-year-old. He’s not sure if that translates to his social security number, his current dilemma, or just that he’s her older brother.

“Like all of the stories you told me when I was a kid. And then when Lumine came to pick me up, she stayed to show him pictures of you too.”

“Of course she did,” he mumbles, ruffling her hair. One of these days he’s going to move without telling his classmates and the twins won’t enter his apartment unannounced. (But Tonia adores their company and the stories they tell her far too much for him to actually do it. But that doesn’t mean he’s above making threats when they tell his little sister about the bet he made about white-out and how it could dye hair. The jury is still out on this one.) “She’s just mad because I get away with it and she doesn’t. But don’t do it yourself. It’s a bad habit,” he adds, remembering that he should at least try to be a good influence on his younger sister when he can.

“Okaaay,” she says unconvincingly, before shaking her hair and running off to her room with lunch he prepared for her.

Watching her close the door and no doubt continue her binge of The Walking Dead, he takes out his phone and texts Lumine.

 Childe

12:35

ur a horrible influence on tonia

 Childe

12:35

and whos this ZHONGLI

 Childe

12:35

also is twd appropriate for 12 y/os

 Twin 1

12:37

a normal person would say hi

 Twin 1

12:37

also 1. me n aether watched it when we were 12 so probably and 2. some guy at the library that also goes to our school

 Well. At least he’s somebody they know. But The Walking Dead?

 Childe

12:38

thats not very convincing

 Childe

12:38

also dont ppl DIE? get BITTEN???? what if she gets nightmares

 Twin 1

12:39

isnt she 12 r u telling me u weren’t watching R rated movies at 12

 Childe

12:42

thats very different from a 10 season long show that is hailed as “one of the greatest horror shows in history” and “paved the way for post-apocalyptic horror”

 Twin 1

12:42

well if she has trouble sleeping she could always watch asmr. that helps me during midterms idk

 Childe

12:42

whats asmr

 Childe

12:43

asking for my sister btw

 Twin 1

12:44

A feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.

 Childe

12:45

wtf?

 Twin 1

12:45

people on the internet make random sounds or just talk into a mic n its supposed to be very relaxing. how have u never found out abt this?????

 Childe

12:45

idk the only thing on my youtube recommended r greatest stunts and chapter review videos

 Twin 1

12:47

… makes sense

 Twin 1

12:47

check out rex lapis’ channel he looks like ur type

 Childe

12:48

i thought we were talking about my sister????

 Twin 1

12:50

[message screenshots.jpg]

 Twin 1

12:50

ya she told me everything

 Twin 1

12:50

have fun i need to convince aether to not commit arson bc of his TA

 Childe

12:51

hope he does it

He opens his Youtube app, typing in Rex Lapis and expecting Lumine’s suggestion to be a joke. Despite them being friends for nearly two years now, she’s never made any indication of knowing his type. And he’s sure he’s never been that vocal about it either, only shooting appreciative looks at history majors and paying more attention than necessary to the TA for ‘Tradition of Justice and Law.’ (It’s unfortunate that those short-term crushes never led to anything, but maybe that’s for the better seeing that Childe has never understood the appeal of relationships.)

It is an ASMR channel, judging by the ASMR playlist he finds as he scrolls through the account. The icon shows no face — only a microphone — which leaves him skeptical. Most of the video titles belong in a petrology lecture as well, which makes him even more convinced that it’s a joke. He finds a few readings of ancient literature and decides to pick ‘I discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)’ because that’s exactly what he needs. (Not the very moment — but ten hours later when he’s in the bed memorizing the pattern of his ceiling wondering why he stole from his fifth grade teacher’s candy jar during lunch.)

When Childe opens the video, he damn near gasps.

The man in the video is exactly his type. His eyes are a soft amber color, framed with long lashes, and it’s almost enough for him to lose his dignity and message Lumine a long thank you text about how she is always right and he’ll pay for her coffee for the following week.  He smiles at the screen, albeit a little sheepishly, dark hair framing his face with a long ponytail that Childe can’t see the end of. On his right ear, there are a pair of earrings with a single feather that brush against his neck when he moves his head.

Even before he speaks, Childe is mesmerized, sure he’ll already memorize his features from the curve of his nose to the way he tilts his head, displaying the expanse of his neck.

Really — he reminds him of actors in historical dramas, the way he sits regally, and how he speaks. His voice is low and slow as he adopts a careful manner of speaking, leaning into the mic.

“I’m Rex Lapis, and I’ll be discussing igneous petrology today, which is part one in a three-part petrology series. I apologize in advance, seeing that my knowledge is limited compared to many petrologists out there but my friend Venti said that many of my viewers are here for my voice, so I’m very excited to start today’s video.”

Holy shit.

For the following week, Childe learns less about petrology, the philosophy of economics, and historical revisionism concerning matters of war and more about Rex Lapis, who is not in love with his voice but often finds himself in the middle of long tangents without explanations. His favorite book series is the Legend of the Lone Sword, which he says he’ll look forward to reading out loud for the channel. (Childe replays that part of the video again and again, captivated by his excitement as he mindlessly taps the mic while he speaks, his tangent cutting off mid-word — as it usually does, much to his dismay.)

His guilty obsession is not lost on Tonia, who realizes that instead of drinking Monster every night he’s been engrossed in his phone completely, often not noticing her or when the water starts bubbling. But because his sleeping schedule has been alleviated, she says nothing until Lumine comes over as she always does, not forgetting their weekly schedule of watching trashy movies while leeching off of Childe’s food.

Because he doesn’t trust the twins with the kitchen — even if they can cook — she instead spends her time sitting next to Tonia and spreading more of her anti-Childe propaganda while they wait. This usually involves Tonia occasionally calling out Childe’s name and asking, “Is that true?” or “Did you really do that?”

This time is different though.

Worried that Lumine finally decided to show Tonia a video of last semester’s presentation, he leans over, looking at the computer screen.

And he’s wrong. Unfortunately. Maybe it should’ve been his presentation because even if he botched it and accidentally projected his work process — screaming notes and all — to the class instead of his actual presentation, it would’ve been better than the two of them watching one of Rex Lapis’ videos together.

The ‘I read Erosion: Essays of Undoing to you as it rains outside’ video, to be specific, which is where Rex Lapis is embarrassed by Venti mid video when asked if this was his idea of a date with a lover. (And then it ends with Rex Lapis asking for video suggestions from the commentors, his face still flushed from the previous comments.)

Oh God — oh fuck.

“So he is your type,” Lumine says, her expression a bit too smug for his liking. Tonia looks half awake, scrolling through articles as the video plays, more interested in ‘Top 10 Glenn Rhee Moments’ than Childe’s crush. Her expression is a bit guilty as she does so — she’s biting her lip and avoiding his gaze, but he assumes that it’s just because they went through his YouTube history.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement,” he retorts, but the YouTube history she pulls up once Tonia hands the computer over to her says it all. (It’s quite mortifying, really — even Tonia is giving him a look, but it’s not as bad as Lumine’s shit eating grin.)

“Well… he does have a nice voice,” Childe finally says, thinking that perfectly encompasses his most recent obsession. Because he does have a nice voice — it’s soothing and speaks to him without really speaking to him directly. (The good looks are a bonus, he assures himself. A fantastic bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.)

“He does,” Tonia confirms, smiling toothily up at him, and he resists the urge to ruffle her hair with Lumine staring at him so skeptically. “But I don’t understand much of what he’s saying. He — heh — talks like an old man.”

“Don’t worry, Tonia, your brother likes him because he’s attractive,” Lumine informs her, now fast forwarding on one of Rex Lapis’ videos. “Did you know that he lives nearby?”

“Huh?”

The knife he’s holding clatters to the floor, and the two look down and back up at him with— hold on, why does it feel like they’re in on a secret he doesn’t know about?

“Yeah, he’s working on his grad thesis I think… Aether told me it was about something on history,” she muses. “That’s why I recommended his channel to you. He’s a bit of a celebrity in his department.” Childe’s sure his jaw dropped now, trying to maintain his facial expression as he takes out a new knife to chop up the onions.

“Really,” he tries to say as calmly as possible, wondering how he should accompany Aether to his lectures without trying to seem as obvious as possible. His voice is a bit shaky he realizes but he can’t quite make the connection between Rex Lapis and actual graduate student that goes to his university.

“Yeah, actually…” Lumine is definitely pretending to think now, enjoying this far too much. “He—”

“It’s Zhongli!” his little sister yells excitedly, practically jumping up and down at this point as if she won the lottery. “Zhongli runs an ASMR channel and he talks just like that in real life! Right, Lumine?”

“Yeah.”

Childe sighs, holding a hand up to his face. The realization that he’s been obsessed with the same guy that hears about every stupid thing he did secondhand is way too much — and the fact that he’s been listening to his voice every night before he went to bed the past week is way too much. He’s sure his face is redder than before judging by the amused expressions on Lumine’s and Tonia’s faces — really, they’re mirror images of each other right now.

Not for the first time, Childe swears to himself that he’ll never let her into his apartment without signing a contract ever again.

[the-final-sif]

Tbh I'm on the fence abt acupuncture. The few (Western) studies I've read just don't seem thorough enough to make any judgment (for/against, whether + or -) not to mention the potential biases of those involved. Maybe bc I'm Chinese I'm more open minded to (some) Eastern medicine than most? Ig it also helps that I know people that go to a qualified acupuncturist that's done it for Years and trained with a master in China. (lol pls dont let random ppl stick needles in you that's how you get hurt)

Having looked over a fair bit of data, what I’ve seen has largely pointed to the placebo effect being the only positive benefit from the treatment. There’s certainly no where near enough evidence it’s effective to consider it a medical treatment. I wouldn’t shame anyone from using it if it helps them, I mean, placebo’s can be damn effective. But all the same I would steer people away from it too. It really does have it’s risks, even with an experienced professional (as many medical practices do).

I do understand there’s a fair bit of basis towards eastern (& generally traditional) medicine in western science, and that’s certainly an issue. I think especially traditional herbal remedies can be overlooked or brushed off despite their effectiveness. Personally, I know the research on raspberry leaves & chamomile tea is still fuzzy but they do wonders for my menstrual cramps when nothing else does, so I literally do not care if it’s a placebo or not. But in this case, I don’t feel like that’s the issue with acupuncture.

That being said, I will say that sometimes it’ll just depend on the person whose doing the work. Chiropractors, for example, are hotly debated & a lot of them are wacky/don’t really do any good. But after a really nasty bike accident when I was a kid, I started getting constant issues with my legs & feet that lasted for years afterwards. I got xrays of my feet & went to a physical therapist with no luck.

My mom finally decided to bring me in to see her/her triathlon team’s chiropractor, someone who’s been amazing for her in the past & who had a ton of experience. He took one look at me walking in, told me the issue was with my hips, spent about 10 minutes popping my bones, taught me a few exercises to use for a few months and that was it. Turns out the accident & long recovery period fucked up my stride, which was causing me to hurt myself repetitively. I spent literal years before that trying to get things fixed, and it took him half an hour to solve the problem. The issues with my legs & feet basically stopped completely.

I still wouldn’t recommend chiropractors as a whole, but I can’t deny that guy managed to actually identify and fix the problem in a single appointment, when the medical professionals took years to do nothing beyond saying “minor injuries are common in active kids”.

So yeah, sometimes it just depends on the person doing it & if something works for an individual and is effective when other things aren’t, then as long as the risk is minimal, I wouldn’t tell someone to stop.

[chal-lelerc]

ok so like. here’s my harry potter house thing. i’m ngl i tried to do this but then i deleted it bc it was getting too long and i didn’t have the attention span but. it kept sticking in my brain so i decided to pick it back up and as such, i’ve lost the original post but it was a quarantine activity (sort drivers into houses, assign quidditch positions, explain) posted by @verstappened​. houses done first, then positions, then explanations for both. i tried to make feasible teams, i.e making sure there arent too many of a single position per house, so this really screwed some of the sorting but oh well.

i did the houses first, then positions, then explanations in that order for the most part.

5/13/20: the sorting was mostly done before i heard all the differing opinions (of which there were many!)

5/19/20: alright so this is literally like 2 months old but i’ve just finished it lolol

Lewis Hamilton:

Slytherin: THE GLORY MAN. the aloof kind of superiority, confidence, is top dog, he’s simply the pinnacle of it all. kind of lethal and doesn’t do the whole ‘looking up to others’ things (outwardly, but he seems very soft on the inside tbh). very majestic and is almost a gryffindor, the kind of slytherin that Merlin is. hard-working, got here from incredibly humble beginnings, which kind of stands out from the rest, but he’s clearly now at the top level of society. still very protective of Others. scarily ambitious. Was originally a gryffindor but I wanted the brits to be in different houses for their quidditch positions to work. Could honestly go either way though.

Seeker: more glory. periodt. he stays winning and scoring the most points. clutch-man. Speedy boy, kind of in a different world than everyone else when competing (he’s always at the front lifetimes away from everyone else lmao. playing a diff game.)

Valtteri Bottas:

Hufflepuff: HE SEEMS. LIKE. A. BIG. CHILD. always relegated and brushed off but is literally God-Tier and no one can convince me otherwise. i consider him to be rather reliable (reflecting only the 2019 season at least lmao). a bit of a vindictive streak bc he knows what he’s Capable Of even when others underestimate him. has a very bright smile.

Beater: have u seen him. he’s a big boy even though he’s 5′8 and only an inch taller than lando norris he seems bigger than he is ok

Charles Leclerc:

Slytherin: this bitch. what a snake. hiss hiss.

Chaser: he wants what lewis hamilton has but chose the wrong position. still a star in his own right. pride and joy of his house, will be at the lead of every formation play unless told otherwise by his head of house, to which he will brood and complain ab but comply in the end bc he wants Team Success and loyalty to his Family. scores the most points on the team and people act like he carries even though he literally has a partner(s).

ok but fr my gut said charles is a slytherin (do i really need to explain why? very critical, doesn’t accept inferiority, somehow succeeds. just a feeling his brain seems to fit motorsport politics well), but i was seriously contemplating whether he’d be a gryffindor to max’s slytherin instead. but then i saw someone mention the whole lion schtick and i was like for all of max’s brattiness he is Gryffindor so sharl is snake. sorry don’t make the rules just follow them.

further edit: this was written before he started streaming (this is how old this draft is) and can u believe him he’s the epitome of the “not all slytherins r evil wenches” idea

Sebastian Vettel:

Ravenclaw: idk for all of Seb’s goofiness he just seems cerebral to me. Seems to know mildly irrelevant facts and is really quite smart however is hopeless in the modern age. Kind of that wise old(er he’s not that old) man knowledge. I’d trust him to give me all the life advice I need but also to write a 10 page essay on the nuances of the effect of emotion on verbal language (which we all know he is very experienced with).

Keeper: it’s the protective Dad Power.

Max Verstappen:

Gryffindor: WAS REALLY GONNA PUT HIM IN SLYTHERIN BC HE’S A NASTY LIL SHIT. TOTAL BRAT. GIVES FUCK ALL WHAT OTHERS SAY. BUT HE IS LION AND LION IS HE SO GRYFFINDOR IT IS. also just bc he needs to oppose sharl in every way possible it’s called Poetic Cinema. also his driving style is clearly the bravery and confidence to the point of recklessness that is prevalent among gryffindors.

Chaser: again, he must oppose Charles. so, not a seeker although he’s clearly singularly the most prized competitor. just like Charles, pride and joy of house, their star chaser. the comparisons never end. the competition never ends. the fighting never ends. one of the most interesting and dynamic performers to watch, is predictable in that he’s not predictable except that he will always be aggro to the max. will always be in trouble for getting rough bc that’s Not His Job but that’s just the gryffindor disregard for rules. master point scorer.

Alex Albon:

Gryffindor: was really a toss up btwn this and Hufflepuff but the ultimate deciding factor was the fact that I wanted all the British Boys to be seekers. he really just sticks it out as max’s teammate like a real one (nothing against max, everything against Helmet Merco) for the good of the team, still is sweet with max anyway. fitting that they’re in the same house too.

Seeker: he’s not the small boy that lando and lewis are but he is (thai/)British. very special boy (big ups on the promotion even tho it was Sad Times for Pear) deserves very special job. also he has a hot girlfriend (alex albon who i only know lily he’s boy toy) idk how that’s relevant but it seems fitting.

Carlos Sainz:

Ravenclaw: bc he’s a spaniard but is still better at english than Lando (i think everyone is tbh). Seems to be a quiet type of smart, sensible, but perhaps this is just the consequence of being compared to Lanno at all times LMAO (no hate all love bby Lannd). would be the type of ravenclaw to follow his friends on absolutely idiotic ventures but would step in to prevent near death or likely-legal-problem causing actions (and only then; otherwise it’s every man for themselves and everyone is free to make a fool of themselves and break some laws. carlos may dabble in such practices.)

Chaser: seems to be a go-getter, not going for points doesn’t even cross his mind. will always be the one driving up the pitch, the strategist of sorts bc he seems big(ger) brain (than lando lololol).

Edit: I wrote this part ab him long ago but this entire section of this post is now irrelevant and canceled.

Lando Norris:

Hufflepuff: you all know why. zero explanation needed. like, none.

also has a bit of an aggressive streak which tends to catch ppl off guard. is not afraid to confront u (hello pageNO) and at times defies the hufflepuff stereotype of being perpetually happy go-lucky (he has his bad days!). but when with His True Crew he is absolutely a hufflepuff ball of energy.

Seeker: small and speedy. energetic to the max. small. quirky and different from the rest, so he gets the special job. small. everyone would kill to protect him. small.

Daniel Ricciardo:

Gryffindor: AW I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE THAT I PUT HIM AND MAX TOGETHER. LOOK I EVEN MADE THEM BOTH CHASERS. AH HOW BIGBRAIN MY MIND IS. everything ab dan is gold. golden skin, the colors in redbull and renault, his smile, just the vibes. he’s just got the enthusiasm and charisma and this intensity of a gryffindor. super aggressive, his late breaking (from his rbr at least) is legendary and maddening with how he pulls it off. is almost a hufflepuff but the gut said no.

Chaser: is Max’s teammate. so yeah. was obviously the star until younger max came to the show. a bit lost in limbo bc of it but they still work well together.

literally want to make him a hufflepuff so. bad. but i couldn’t split up maxiel. also his vibe is just different from other ‘puffs like stroll so.

Esteban Ocon:

Slytherin: ask max.

Chaser: being characterized off of their relationship with max seems to be a theme here. will go head to head with max w/ absolutely zero shits given. talented, but the rivalry with max is entirely secondary to charles imho. still yet to show his full potential but is still quietly a thorn in max’s side. many are interested to see what he is able to do in the immediate future.

Pierre Gasly:

Hufflepuff: GUYS HE WANTS TO OWN A PANDA

Chaser: constantly trying to prove himself and score big boy points. had a stint as seeker until lando came along. did not do as well as ppl had hoped, returned to chaser and proceeded to crush it from there. praticed a lot with charles as children (the friendship dynamic w/ their houses was definitely unforseen but is amazing).

Daniil Kvyat:

Hufflepuff: really wanted to make him a slytherin but the quidditch positions didn’t work out. firmly believe this works though. more of the rough and tumble type, definitely the kind that will sock u in the nose if u write off hufflepuffs as a joke. could honestly probably be a gryffindor too with how unapologetically aggressive he can be in the name of His Beliefs. gives me big dumb himbo vibes now that i think ab it tbh which is mostly the justification here. also he has a child omg.

Chaser: but the one that’s always headbutting bludgers out of the air (torpedo bitches). also had a stint as seeker before but it Was Not His Thing. he’d much rather be chasing and throwing things than seeking things. also he’s pierre’s mate :,) would’ve been a beater but romain and valtteri will not be anything else so daniil took the boot whoops.

Sergio Perez:

Slytherin: it’s just the vibe. knows his weaknesses and is able to make up for it with his confidence and talent in his strengths. very ambitious, plays the right cards at the right times to get the right results. something ab him puts me on edge, but like in a good way; i feel like there’s always a trump card up his sleeve, like when he gets to q3 out of fucking nowhere in a racing point.

Keeper: he gives me the same vibes as seb idk what it is. very dependable, backbone of his team.

Lance Stroll:

Hufflepuff: guys have u seen the guy. he’s just here to have a good time. may seem a bit airheaded at times but he means well 99% of the time. untapped potential. seems like a no thoughts head empty canadian hockey boy (and every one of these types is a hufflepuff don’t fight it); may or may not be the only accurate description of him.

Chaser: he’s just trying his best out here. i

KEEPER?: SO I DID A QUICK GOOGLE AND HE USED TO BE A HOCKEY

GOALIE?????

so scratch my initial thoughts (tbh i didn’t really know where to put him and i originally had romain as keeper but that’s an issue to fix later on now) BECAUSE LANCE STROLL IS A keeper GOALIE AND NO ONE CAN REFUTE THIS. ABSOLUTELY NO HUMAN OF THIS EARTH. WHAT GLORIOUS INFORMATION TO STUMBLE ACROSS.

Kimi Raikkonen:

Slytherin: guys i really don’t have an in depth analysis of this but i don’t think iceman needs one.

Beater: see above^. y’all must get the vibe.

tbh could also be a keeper tho similar energies to seb and checo, but honestly his no fucks given attitude is ultimately what swayed me

Antonio Giovinazzi:

Gryffindor: he just has that majestic quality (that could also fit a slytherin but i only see red when i see antonio). look at that lion’s mane. also he’s one of kimi’s to paddock friends? seems fitting that he’s a gryffindor to kimi’s slytherin.

Chaser: plays second fiddle to the duo that is max and daniel, often regulated to vibing on the side. but he’s there and he’s important and he has potential (i’ve been seeing ppl talking ab a ferrari move and i’m positively shaken). [edit: again, this post is old.]

im sorry its glaringly obvious idk much about him asdfjasldkd

Kevin Magnussen:

Slytherin: guys lots of these are just self explanatory sorry if i seem like im taking the cheap way out but it’s fact. brundle and crofty call him a great white shark for crying out loud.

Beater: unapologetically chaotic. lurking around the edges making people feel hunted. spends more time playing baseball in the middle of the matches than quidditch and sometimes it backfires but it’s good fun and it sometimes works.

Romain Grosjean:

Hufflepuff: y’all he’s such dad energy and he likes to cook. gets written off a lot but he actually cares (he’s a part of the grand prix drivers assoc.!). he seems so wholesome and he spends time with his kids and their school work when he can do u feel those water drops yeah those r my tears.

Beater: i really wanted to make him a slytherin beater to make him teammates with k-mag but he’s just. not a slytherin. but i kept the beater part. spends the majority of the hufflepuff v. slytherin matches sending bludgers kevin’s way even when he doesn’t mean to. it’s always reciprocated.

George Russell:

Ravenclaw: I’VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN THIS KID. is so marvelously well spoken and he just has such a simple yet effective way with words. he knows what’s reasonable to expect but never fails to expect the most that he can given his circumstances. again, mentioned this before but a lot of it is his accent. the glottal stop is a historically stereotypically rural (i.e. “uneducated��) thing but I’m American and I Don’t Listen to the Rules, so the accent just makes him seem so sophisticated to me especially when he’s saying things like “horriiiiiiiific” and presenting his hefty powerpoints.

Seeker: my British Boys Are Seekers headcanon continues. definitely a Golden Boy of the team kind of guy (hello tragic dumpsterfire that is williams :/ ).

Nicholas Latifi:

Hufflepuff: same boat as lance. his twitch streams are so wholesome he’s just chilling man. twitter made me write him off as daft and unnecessary at first but like fuck twitter i’m all here for ninky latvia now.

Chaser: lowkey gives me keeper vibes as well? the sensible, level-headedness. but obvs that’s lance so chaser it is. still the level-headedness that helps him hold down the fort btwn pierre and daniil who can tend to get a bit imaginative, and also the energies of them + lando.

5/19/20: so it’s quite clear to me that i grew tired of brain functions the more time i took on this and the later ones are a bit lacking and for that i’m very sorry. that being said i’m still happy to see this finished bc the idea was VERY exciting for me.

[gracehcreates-bct]

W8 Studio - Project into the public

X-Challenge

I entered my team into X-Challenge, but unfortunately our group was too big to do the whole project so we split ourselves into two and did the app and boot cleaner as seperate ideas.

Boot Cleaner Prototype

Kent made a boot cleaner prototype over the weekend, using cardboard and pvc pipes. Not included is the spray, which would be situated underneath the boot.

Survey Results

I sent out the survey on facebook, first to the Creative Technologies Year 3 page and then my neighbourhood community’s page. So far there are 62 responses.

1. How often do you go on walking trails?

Once a week - 11 people Once fortnightly - 7 people Once a month - 23 people Once a year - 18 people Never - 3 people

2. Who would you usually take with you? (pick between 1 - 2)

Family - 46 people Friends - 19 people Dogs - 12 people No-one - 11 people

3. Have you heard of the Kauri Dieback Disease?

61/62 people have heard of Kauri Dieback.

4. If yes, how do you think preventing it is to New Zealand’s forests in the future? (on a scale of 1 - 10)

Average is 9.1, with 6 out of 60 people who answered this question ranking it below 8.

5. What would make the boot cleaner more convienent?

About 17 out of 62 thought that the boot cleaner was fine as it is. Two people answered there should be more of them.

Answers about the station itself: - Maybe if it was longer so you can keep moving as you clean. So others don’t get held up behind you. - If more people could use it at the same time. - Maybe a larger, flatter station - Proper set up like your picture - as some are only a mat and can easily be avoided - A seat to sit on when spraying shoes with the stuff. Very hard to work hose on one foot with a pack on - Regular servicing - I guess it's a bit of a bottle neck, depending on the popularity of the trial maybe it holds people up? - Have more of an obstacle that makes it so you get in slower. Therefore, making you clean your shoes more thoroughly? :D - Better maintenance sometimes they are worn out - Clearer instructions Easier to use Maybe a video

Answers about boot cleaner: - I guess if it rotated it might get more sit out from the grooves? Also, with covid I try to avoid touching anything and this this old style and the spray gun you have to touch - Have a cleaner for jandals. This one doesn’t work so well - Foot activated sprays. Physical barriers that force people to activate the spray to get thru the barrier. - Weight based means children and lighter people don't activate it so perhaps something that doesn't get activated by weight that you walk through. Shallow enough to just cover sole of shes/boots - Maybe some foot level spray system. Sometimes balancing on one foot to spray is tricky - the spray trigger should have a novel so that it covers each shoe in one spray - Fixed brushes as shown here. The hand squirter and hand brush combination is too difficult to manage. Lose balance and give up - A hand held brush to scrub the side of shoes. - No spray, just scrub and step - A device to clamp around shoes and spray all around - Rotating brushes - Making the brushes not worn down. Last bush walk I went on the brushes for your feet were too worn down and didn’t work very well - Bending down is tricky so a system that doesn’t make you bend over is good - If it always had disinfectant in it. - It having the spray stuff in it and not be empty - Not have to use the hand spray bottle that is found on some stations. - Find it ok as it is, but prefer the one that sprays your shoes when you stand on it to the hand held one - Automatic - probably some type of automated boot cleaner - I am liking the new "hop on to spray" pads

Other: - It’s fine but something to keep the spray from coming up and wetting your shoes and ankles would be good-keep it to the soles - designing something the birds might use, as it's far more likely to be transmitted by them. - An agent that actually is proven as working on phytophthora - I think the boots cleaners are possibly okay, it's the dogs i always think , might be more carriers especially as often off lead when they shouldn't be. - Nothing. I think it’s clearly marked with instructions and you can’t miss them at the beginning and end of tracks. One time there was a DOC guy there educating people how to clean boots properly which was helpful cos I had actually been doing the process the wrong way around prior to that! - RGB LEDs, to attract the kids - maybe having someone employed by like doc or something to make sure there are ppl washing their shoee

6. How effective do you think the covid tracer app was in preventing the spread of covid-19? (on a scale of 1 - 10)

Average is 7.3, with only 5 people out of 62 ranking it below a 5.

7.  We are designing an app and deciding on the content, what is most appealing to you?

Treasure Hunt - #1.82 average Augmented Reality boot cleaner - #2.06 average Running statistics tracker - #2.11 average

8.  Why did you choose the previous answer? Otherwise, give us an example of something you’d like to see on it.

About 5/46 people answered that they couldn’t see the image I had used, which is my own fault but the survey website is difficult to understand. 4/46 directly said “Treasure Hunts are fun”. Two people said it didn’t matter as long as it was simple to use.

- Statistics can drive behaviour - Treasure hunt appeals to families using tracks - There is a general lack of information about Kauri Dieback at the boot cleaning stations especially Tane Mahuta - information would result in adherence - The question wasn’t clear to me so I chose the fun option. No idea what AR boot cleaner is - maybe I didn’t click on something? - Seemed the most applicable (Augmented Reality) - Didn’t really have a view. Not sure what the point of the treasure hunt and A4 - I just think the treasure hunt idea has more appeal. Not clear how it works - A map of dieback - Information on Kauri on the area you are about to walk in, how many, if have any signs of disease - Definitely make it fun to use, stats make it interesting - learn with play: Tree/ nature trivia, e.g. like: what tree is this? (photo) - Sounds more fun (Treasure Hunt) - Fun makes things engaging. Also, running is boring. - Treasure hunt might make it more interesting for the grandchildren I take hiking. I know what AR is but I cannot imaging it being useful for book cleaning. - Links with GPS - Easy to find information for the novice /infrequent tramper - I didn't see how the answers linked to the app. What's the purpose of the app? If it's just to track like the covid app it doesn't need anything else on it. Most people who run in the bush would use another app already. - if i got it my main , objective would be to help with Die-back .Stats would be interesting so No.2,Treasure hunt No.3 , as kids grown up , but even if younger i might have put 3 , but would be good for younsters - I may take my child if there is a treasure hunt as part of the app/walk - The AR boot cleaner would encourage people to clean their shoes properly because it would make cleaning more fun and accurate. - I like stats - and I like the new aspect of the covid app where you get a little sticker icon when you get 14 days diary entry. - Got to be something interesting and fun. Maybe as an incentive add in spot prizes provided by possible sponsors.. - NZ health statistics - Interactive is fun and makes you feel involved - More visually appealing (Treasure Hunt) - More fun makes people more likely to use. - Don't understand what the boot one is - Routes recommendation, especially secret/not popular spots. Treasure hunting is a bit like that - Treasure hunt seems rewarding. AR seems interactive. Statistics sound boring - I think that if you make it a sort of game it will encourage people to get into the nitty gritty parts of shoe! - Not sure why I'd want a virtual boot cleaner tbh. Other content could be birds to look out for.. bit of history, exercise tips - Helps me know which parts of my boots are clean :)

9.  Thank you for taking the time to do this. Any other ideas/feedback for us?

- Anything to help contain the spread and educate people is good-Tane Mahuta was our first experience and there was no information and no reception to be able to Google it. - Would love people to be encouraged to use the boot wash more. - Good idea to encourage behaviours that will stop the spread. Well done - no, its communist propaganda - I develop apps myself, but I am doubtful about their applicability to Kauri Dieback reduction - An alarm when boots are not cleaned properly. - Still not sure what your app will do. - Good luck , please put a reminder if possible the importance of dogs on leads in areas where needed.PS We do own a dog! - Thank you for your work - I put 10 as meaning it is very important. You don’t say how the scale works though - Kauri Dieback poses a serious issue and I'm glad theres a project looking at this!! 🙌 - I would just try to be really focused on the problem you want to solve. Is it boot cleaning, is it awareness, is it history, is it fitness

Additionally Miles emailed Dr Gerth, so we have an interview with her on May 27th.

[normal-thoughts-official]

aaaand we are back back again with malec livewatch! you can read the first and second parts before if you wanna, or filter out “malec livewatch” if ur tired of this absolute bullcrap

yes i know it’s been years. not my fault okay i was studying

today: post-wedding 1×12! and finally freedom from the terrors of s1

forever a slut for that scene where Magnus just does that hand movement and a bunch of shit starts showing up in the conveniently empty table ugh we stan. imagine if the special effects had been this good all the time they really used up 10 out of their 15 dollars and all the two favors from cousin Mike for this one. 1×12 was so inspired tbh only valid episode

Alec's clothes look so much better without the stupid ugly blazer? could do without the high waisted pants (why) but he looks so much better and also more comfortable. again i hope the costume department staff got a big, fat paycheck because the difference we see in him during the wedding vs post-wedding alone is just insane. he looks so much better and more comfortable and more himself, the blazer made him look stiff and again DOESNT MATCH THE REST. also nice touch that the blazer is the only part of his clothing with gold, the sh wedding color. he gets that off and everything looks so much better

Magnus looks even better post wedding too. like the clothing is already *chef's kiss* but he looks even prettier afterwards somehow. the hair is a little softer and he's less stiff as a whole (for obvious reasons), and aaaa hes so beautifulllll he's so prettyyyy look at his perfect soft little hair falling softly over his head and the PINK STREAKS possibly the best Magnus look i said what i said. especially with him all soft and smiley like that i big love him

sexiest thing about Magnus is how Jace does anything and hes like NO BITCH

the way he says "warlock tracking is stronger" with that smile......... hes so prety

that's a deep inhale he makes before using the tracking spell lmao u ok buddy?

oof i can only imagine how he felt when he was doing the tracking and he was suddenly hit with an image of Camille screaming and hitting in his direction,,,....,,,,,,, Fuck

love how Raphael just locked her in the basement thats so sexy of him we stan

"i punched her there's no way she'll help me" ugh still salty that clary of all ppl got to punch her but not Raphael or Magnus fuck this tbh

STOP MAKING ME LOOK AT CLACE

they both look so giddy and happy to be talking after the whole wedding thing + camille drama like don’t look at me. alec can barely look at magnus because he’s so agitated but you have the smile on his face and magnus is also smiling disbelievingly and i just doaudjsuoiadsa i love they

seriously tho the way magnus smiles..... so private and disbelieving but also so obvious and he’s even looking down like he never expected stuff to go down this well..... bro i stan

i had forgotten about the specific cadence in which alec talks? lmao. there’s a certain tilt to his voice when he says “it’s so INTENSE” that i really love

also that’s a really funny line like honey who the fuck are you to complain about anything being intense. ur the most dive or die bitch in this entire building. and we stan

alec’s WIDE ASS SMILE when magnus says “you certainly know how to make a statement” I CRY. magnus looks so proud of him and still disbelieving that alec went this hard for him and alec is just still on cloud 9 that he really Did That and came out and magnus is just proud of him and wow he really gets to have this and duahdsudhsadajsas???? i adore everything about them

the way maryse shows up and magnus immediately recoils and alec immediately straightens up like magnus is lowkey expecting rejection and alec is just bracing himself for one of the hardest fights of his life

also their expressions are so funny like maryse is LIVID she’s absolutely losing her mcfucking mind with anger homegirl’s head is about to explode and robert is just looking like he pissed on the carpet or something

the way alec doesn’t back down at all is so admirable too like!!!! it’s one thing to make a big fuck you gesture, it’s another to still hold your ground against your abusers after that fact. but he really stands there and goes “this isn’t about you” “i’m the same person i’ve always been” and doesn’t give her an inch of room for clownery. like again once alexander gideon lightwood makes up his mind there’s no stopping him and there’s no going back and he’s just so fucking strong??? he really said “from now on i’m out and you’re going to absolutely deal with that and i will not compromise a single thing” and the lightwoods just had to deal with that lmaoooo 

you can see it in maryse’s face too, like after the “i’m the same person i’ve always been” she just pauses, realizing that she lost this battle without even knowing, she was on top of it a second ago and now there’s nothing she can do anymore and she’s just shook. and all that’s left for her is to scoff at magnus and leave, because that’s it, she lost every hold she had on him

alec’s little mouthed “what?” at “and all for a downworlder” too. i think part of him was like “wow she’s backing down already?” because you know he expected this to be a lot harder i think lmao. but i also like to think that there’s a side of “mom what the fucking fuck have you seen him he’s gorgeous and kind and smart and amazing and literally the best person i could have fallen in love with but go off i guess”

robert going all “just give her time” like he doesn’t understand what’s happening here at all. he clearly plays the “good cop” in the lightwood’s abusive dynamic tbh, like people often brush him off as being just spineless but i honestly think that he’s just the other side of her manipulative coin. specially with izzy, like, when izzy said fuck it and completely let go of maryse’s hold on her? that’s where robert came in, being the accepting, “nice” parent who listened to her and cared, and making sure she’d keep her loyalties. because he didn’t really stand up for izzy either and in the end he kept her still glued to the lightwood family through that, and kept defending maryse and izzy listened to him because he was robert. and i think that’s what’s happening here too, him trying to frame this as “don’t worry, she’ll come around” because he knows right then that alec is absolutely going to turn their back on them if that’s what it takes for her to be happy so he immediately slides in and reframes this under an affection light where everything will be alright! even if honestly i don’t think that’s what alec is really thinking about at all, i think he was 100% ready for a showdown 

and robert is clearly so disapproving and yikes at the whole thing too but he pretends he isn’t and like lmao

shoutout to their faces when robert asks “are you two in love?” like magnus just turns around like oh hell no we’re not gonna have this conversation and alec lights up for just a second with a small smile before he’s like wait wait no shit shit shit we’ve just met no of course there’s no love (and like... i don’t think there is per se, because i think love is something that takes longer to settle in, specially for alec, but i think the idea that he could talk openly about being in love with a man and even fall fully in love with magnus one day makes him super happy you know?) lmao dorks

tho tbh i think magnus shuts down that conversation immediately to avoid heartbreak. because i think that for this whole thing he was expecting alec to say something he’d hate hearing to get his parents’ approval, you know? like like i said it’s really unexpected and surprising/inspiring that alec didn’t back down an inch there, and i think he was expecting alec to kind of fall back slightly now, like, he played his cards and now he would negotiate with them, you know? find a place to make them comfortable. instead alec gives them a complete fuck you and he’s like... damn obviously super pleased but also waiting for the other shoe to drop

he just steps in like “pls no” and stops that conversation right there 

the way alec takes a deep breath and magnus opens his mouth then closes again quickly not knowing what to say and then changes the subject.... he’s really so scared of this talk and i just aaa

alec literally never fucking stops going from magnus’ eyes and lips in quick succession like alec. alec please. stop being horny for just a second man. please alec i’m begging you

it’s so cute how magnus mentions a date and alec is immediately like “hell YEAH we should do that” no hesitation like he’s 100% ready to leave immediately right now (i see his pause between “wanna... i don’t know, get a drink?” and “....sometime?”, i see it, you can’t fool me alexander) and also the fact that his first suggestion is something that he hates but that he knows for a fact magnus likes is so cute, like he immediately goes for magnus’ interests here and we stan

i also think that he’s come to associate drinking = dates after 1x06 and the way magnus called him specifically for a drink before he showed up too, like... it’s cute how he immediately came to associate those things because of magnus and just jumps into that because that’s what he knows. he’s so eager and like good for him

magnus’ SMILE when he says that like bro he can see how stoked alec is to go on a date with him they are adorable he is so fucking HAPPY i doubt he expected such a great outcome from this and yet here they are

ALEC DOES THE WHOLE LOOKING AT HIS LIPS IN QUICK SUCCESSION THING ONE LAST TIME BEFORE THE SCENE ENDS SHUT UP OH MY GOD HE NEVER STOPS. MATT DADDARIO THANK YOU FOR MY RIGHTS

next part

[seijch]

just binge read ur previous asks for the sleepover and i was very much entertained😌 how would ur top 3 ACTUALLY dress? like we always see those “outfits the hq boys would wear” but they seem so... unrealistic😭🤚

whack me w a pillow or smth (sleepover event)

OK HI I WAS THINKING ABT THIS MY WHOLE SHIFT N ENDED UP HAVING ENOUGH BRAINROT TO TYPE A WHOLE THING IN THE NOTES APP SO HERE WE GO!!! 😈💯

ok im typing this after finishing the post but i rlly like the way this came out so everyone please read it if you want to see me brainrot over konoha kenji n kuroo ...

KONOHA is definitely a man who Knows his essentials ... knows the beauty of sweatpants and joggers and knows that he looks Good in a solid colored tee (but doesnt shy away from print ... its just that if you open his closet its literally black white n the occasional pop of color) i would LOVE to say he accessorizes but no he doesnt 💔💔 its his fatal flaw too ..... dont be shy aki let me buy you one of those chain bracelets!!!!! those are sexy as fuck and i PROMISE they would make him look even better!!!!!!! in general he gives me big silver or white gold vibes even if i cant see him wearing jewelry on his own :/ its ok if he were to date me id make him come around to the idea ...

he gives white air max 90 or air force 1 vibes does that make sense . if anything has color in his fit its maybe some print on his shirt but if not its DEFINITELY his shoes ... i was thinking abt this but i think hed look good in the bel air jordan 5s but maybe thats just bc i wanted to get a pair NJFKDSFS if we want to get a little less realistic (i mean not rlly bc i know ppl who do this) he probably keeps up w supreme drops n its less to resell and more to get the clothes at retail price which is MUCH more reasonable than resell (i think its 40 for a shirt? idk my friend keeps up w it n i love to hear him brainrot but that doesnt mean i retain ALL the information 🤕)

:: go-to outfit? say it with me ... white shirt/crewneck sweater if it’s cold with sweats. if he needs to dress it up, hell throw on some plaid or switch it up w some nice jeans. unlike the other two he has a good idea of how to dress throughout his life which makes looking Back a much . easier experience compared to the other two LMAO

FUTAKUCHI swears by the denim gods when he needs to actually Care abt his outfits and im MAD abt it bc how dare he look good .... im going to fucking kill him 🪓🪓🪓🪓 the image of kenji in a denim jacket w a hoodie underneath n some ripped jeans haunts my every waking moment you dont understand......... hes ALSO a plaid man which pisses me off even more .... but im going to be honest he uses outerwear to hide the fact that theres definitely a hole in the armpit of his favorite shirts ... hes had them since high school kenji PLEASE buy some new shirts!!!! probably suffers in summer bc he cant wear jackets n stuff without looking weird (has definitely said hes wearing plaid For The Fit when in reality its bc theres a stain on the back of his shirt from when he sat in bird shit. its Artistic baby speak your truth!!!)

at least you can convince konoha to wear jewelry if you keep at it ... while i think kenji gives silver vibes over gold i dont think you would be able to convince him to wear it unless youve already bought it and basically ambush him with it JKSDFDS if anything i think hed settle for those leather bracelets ... its ok his ego is fragile ❤ shoe wise idk he gives me vans vibes (so does konoha but he also looks like a nike stan so i said that instead). if he lives somewhere cold he probably owns a pair of those classic wheat colored timbs (You Know The Ones)

i can tell you RIGHT NOW that in elem and junior high he was one of those kids w the neon athletic fits that took pe too serious when he got in the groove 😐 shut the fuck up n pass me the ball kenji were in fourth grade i shouldnt be failing PARTICIPATION in PE 🗣🗣🗣

:: go-to outfit? a rlly comfy denim jacket (hell let you borrow it if you bitch enough n hell be like Sigh . The Things I Do For You but when you slip it on hes abt to combust) w a shirt that probably has a chili stain at the hem of it n ripped jeans. the white slip on vans. i hate that he looks good.

KUROO is . idk i feel like hes a lot harder to pin down but he probably shopped at hot topic in middle school 💔 is this projection? maybe. am i WRONG abt it tho ... ANYWAY like everyone who grows out of that phase, he has Taste ... post college or just at the club i KNOW he understands the effect a slightly unbuttoned black shirt has 👁 prob rode the eboy wave bc he thought the fashion was nice so he might have a few of those clunky rings ... rarely wears them but bitch he SHOULD!!!! otherwise, i think he keeps it pretty simple! lots of hoodies and sweaters bc if he has no one to rlly impress hes big on comfort. owns a good amt of athleleisure (is that how you spell that hjkdfds) bc he does work out regularly but if you were to come across him during an 8am lecture i can guarantee all he did before coming to class is brush his teeth ... 

unfortunately not a chain man but while his rings may be black (yk like black titanium) or silver, if he were to wear a chain i think hed be fine with either silver or gold! i personally think hed look good in either 🙈 shoe wise i rlly cannot pin him down ... for running im seeing him leaning towards nike shoes but i like . cannot tell what hed wear regularly SHJFKDS 

what i CAN say is that when he was younger (and i mean until his second year of high school) he was one of Those Kids that wore the Quirky printed button ups but like . this time its not a compliment . in junior high he definitely thought those ... and it PAINS ME PHYSICALLY to say this ...... fingerless gloves were the coolest things around ..... i hate that i had to google that now im going to get ads for hot topic

:: go-to outfit? black hoodie w maybe some design or print on it w sweats or jeans (like konoha hell dress it up or down depending on where youre going). if you make him wear them hell even bust out the eboy rings he bought forever ago <33 i think later in life when hes more sure of himself (and i mean like after hs ... hes good in his 3rd year but i feel like hell still deflect compliments in the form of teasing and not believe it in 3rd year) he Knows he looks good so he doesnt rlly have to try unless you want to be That Couple that takes over the world one fit at the time ... in the end the only one he wants to impress is you 🙈

[floorbed]

89, 97, 99 for ags ?

aaron thank you!!!!

89. What would they get into a petty argument over?

you know when like. something is your special interest but someone acts like they know more abt it than you and they have to educate you on it but you know theyre wrong. and you have a little Um Actually, moment. i can see her doing that. besides that not much! she does not get invested enough to fight over things w ppl most of the time. 

97. What do they keep in their bag?

!! a lot of things. all of her alchemist supplies n everythin (i also like to imagine she has one of those little work belts that has little places that hold vials so she can keep them on her person), any other empty vials/synthesized rc’s, her little notebook for Disappearance Related Things / Keeping Track Of Everyday Things Bc Her Memory is Bad, her other bigger notebook for field research related things she keeps way more organized, (she has 5 more completely filled books at her actual lab! it contains like, anything she’s recently synthesized, how she’s synthesized it, any trip reports / lists of reported effects experienced either firsthand or told to her by others), her Vibe Check Rock from the little offal dungeon, misc. hair ties, things she can fidget w, and hopefully soon, A Glock. 

99. What would they wear to a formal event? Describe their outfit!

hee hee. well. i think she would still be wearing a little high collar white button up Number but like. instead of a kind of stiff material maybe something w more silky n esspensive fabric? nice grey slacks. high waisted bc lesbianism. her hair would be in a half up low bun half down moment and it would be Actually Brushed all the way thru! black mens dress shoes that r kinda pointy at the ends you know. some rings on her fingers bc she can stim with them. 

[giantchasm]

Antimatter Aguri AU Masterpost

Sack has entirely too many AUS about Aguri? Sack has entirely too many AUs about Aguri!

Anyway. I decided to finally make a post explaining this AU to the general fandom, since I’m proud of it and not sure I’ll ever get around to entirely writing a fic based on it. So I may as well share the concepts.

Have you ever wanted an AU where Aguri lives? But do you feel a simple ‘she lives with no complications AU’ is too easy of a way out, and ignores a massive part of Korosensei’s arc? Have you ever wanted an AU that would make you hate the villains of Assclass even more than you already do? Have you ever wanted an AU with cool monsters smooching cool monsters? Have you ever wanted an AU where Aguri S U F F E R S? And have you ever wanted an AU about long term recovery after massive trauma?

Then BOY do I have an AU for you!

The rest is under the cut because this is going to be a LONG post.

In this AU Aguri manages to survive her close brush with death.

How she survives, however, is significantly less uplifting.

Basically Yanagisawa pumps her full of Antimatter shit after finding her body in a desperate attempt to save her life. And it works. Hooray!

He hurries her into another part of the lab before Akari can see a thing, and continues pumping her full of Antimatter to try and stabalize her. But being a Known Cunt, things don’t exactly go too well after she comes to. Especially considering she's ALIVE. Without his weird fucked up revenge quest to serve as motivation he still has nothing to strive for, so he goes right back to his experiments. 

This time on her. 

Like the moment she wakes up one of her first questions is "wait. Where did the reaper go? Is he okay" and he FLIPS his SHIT on her. Yells at her for being obsessed with the Reaper and accuses her of not giving a shit about him. (CAN YOU BLAME HER?)

She tries to deescalate the situation and turn it into an amicable breakup, but considering he fucking sucks hes not gonna take that for an answer. He decides that Korosensei escaping in the first place was her fault anyway, scapegoats her for the entire thing, then locks her in that room and continues his experiments. Namely this time he’s curious about finding out if an Antimatter being that won’t explode can be created.

And it. Is. Bad.

Like these experiments continue over the course of months and she degenerates more and more until she realizes everyone thinks shes dead. That she’s never going to get to see The Reaper or her students or her family again. She resigns herself to a life of suffering. Like. Pretty much wishes she'd just DIED back there. Which is. Really sad.

Sometime during this time she sees Itona and begs for help, but considering Itona’s pretty much out of his mind in his own right during this time he's not of much help.

When the tentacles ask her what she wants, she answers “safety.” That’s all she wants. To stop being hurt. She dwells more and more on the last time she saw the Reaper. And that’s what her form begins to reflect. So she starts lookin a lot like Korosensei did during his escape w/ the writhing tentacles and such.

And with that wish that’s when something starts to shift w/ the experiments. Like. They go completely off the rails.

She can no longer receive injections. It just doesn’t break the skin. Antisensei weapons simply don’t work on her to the same extent. With force, they can cut her, but nothing like how they make Korosensei’s limbs outright explode. 

Suddenly this is terrifying. CONSIDERING KOROSENSEI WISHED TO BE WEAK. AND ENDED UP THAT FUCKING INVINCIBLE, SHE'S ON ANOTHER LEVEL ENTIRELY. 

Her restraints are like tripled and the room is reinforced with Antisensei material. They find a way to keep pumping her full of antimatter. Despite ppl working under Yanagisawa starting to voice their opinions that this seems dangerous, he doesn’t relent because this isn’t about scientific development at this point, much less safety for him. It’s about his fucking power complex.

And around this time back in the main class, the Itona redemption arc is going on. And as soon as Itona’s back in his right mind hes like

"OH. MY. GOD." 

LIKE HE'D SEEN THIS LADY IN THE LAB BEGGING FOR HELP BUT JUST BEEN TOLD "OH, DON’T WORRY ABOUT HER SHES NOT A THREAT TO YOUR QUEST FOR STRENGTH. SHES PATHETIC" 

When she was begging for help she namedropped Akari. Itona does some digging and finds out Kayano's true identity, before confronting her with what he saw. 

As you can imagine, Kayano kind of flips her shit?? Can’t exactly blame her considering her dead sister is A) Alive B) BEING TORTURED

Kayano comes forward to Korosensei. Asks him if he'd be willing to do anything for his students. For her. He of course says yes. But to that she replies "Even save the life of someone you tried to kill?" 

He's understandably confused. But she explains everything. What she saw. About her tentacles. And about what Itona told her. And in turn he tells her about everything, too. The truth. He begs her to remove her tentacles, but she refuses until she knows Aguri is safe.

Korosensei anxiously tries to explain that there’s no doubt the lab is reinforced, and he doubts they can even DO this. Kayano says she knows they can do it with her classmates on their side, but Korosensei argues he promised he’d protect them, and he REFUSES to put those kids in a situation like that. 

But Kayano argues right back that they’ve dealt with worse (i.e Takaoka) and that if he doesn’t ask them, she'll ask them her damn self. She doesn't need him. Does he want to help or not? 

Korosensei reluctantly (VERY RELUCTANTLY, both out of his caring for Aguri and his desperation to keep Kayano and the rest of the kids safe) agrees to help rescue her.

They give the class VERY vague details (No dump about Korosensei’s backstory, nor about Aguri being Kayano’s sister. There's literally no time for that. Just that there's something like Korosensei out there that needs their help. They do… however tell them that this new Antimatter creature is their former teacher, as they feel it will help inspire the kids to do this.)

Irina and Karasuma are not let in on what’s going on. Korosensei and Kayano actually gather the class after school to specifically avoid those two.

Cue them breaking fucking in. Knocking out lab workers and shit. I don’t know how to describe action sequences. Eventually they find her. And it's so much worse than they could have imagined. Not even really her physical form. (Though that’s pretty grotesque too.) Just how MISERABLE she looks. She has this dead look in her eyes. She's completely pinned down. She doesn't even see them approaching the class because she's so restrained she can't turn her neck. It's like she's a shadow of herself. Miserable and scared and alone.

They break in and free her. She's completely taken aback. This can’t be real. But Kayano and Korosensei are already helping her to her feet as she asks 100 questions. Is... Is that the REAPER? And... What on earth is Kayano implanted with? She's clearly super dazed and acting like she isn't really processing any of this, but she's still worried. She doesn't even really get her answers, namely because they're interrupted. 

Surrounded by people working in the lab and approached by Yanagisawa. He starts to monologue about this happening due to Korosensei’s escape, because that was her fault. And now this is Korosensei fault! It’s beautiful, really! Perfect cause and effect. 

If he hadn’t escaped she never would have been reduced to this. It’s all. Korosensei's. Fault. He hadn’t even cared to try to save her life! Now THAT proves he doesn’t really care. Not like YANAGISAWA cares. He- he doesn’t get to finish his villain monologue because in an EXTREMELY CATHARTIC CHAIN OF EVENTS Kayano goes ape shit on his ass and RIPS OUT HIS OTHER EYE.

YEAH. She’s fucking PISSED.

It’s about now Korosensei’s having an internal debate, because on one hand he’s REALLY trying to be better and be a No More Mr Murder Man, namely BECAUSE of Aguri. On the other hand this guy SERIOUSLY hurt Aguri and might hurt his students, too. 

They’re being surrounded by guards and scientists with Anti-sensei equipment by now. Korosensei's seriously in danger. But that’s where Aguri’s INVINCIBILITY really gets to shine. She protects Korosensei, while ALSO BEGGING KAYANO TO STOP (By now she’s practically lighting that bitch up. LMAOOO) 

Something something she’s been hurt by Yanagisawa but “HE DOESN’T DESERVE TO DIE!” (Oh get a fucking grip, Aguri I love you but he really does deserve to die at this point) 

Finally, Kayano’s classmates manage to rip her off him and they all make their escape. Every student comes out of this unharmed. Thank fuck.

The moment they're out there there's. A lot of things to process and a lot of explaining to do. Like Korosensei hurriedly rushes literally all of them miles away from that hell place, and the ENTIRE TIME THEY'RE ALL ASKING QUESTIONS. 

"WHAT WAS THAT??" 

"DID YOU KNOW YUKIMURA SENSEI??" 

"IS SHE OKAY?" (NO LMAO) 

"WERE YOU A PERSON TOO?" 

"HOW DOES SHE KNOW KAYANO? WHO'S AKARI?"

Korosensei and Kayano are getting flooded with all these questions while Aguri’s pretty much on the brink of sobbing because its the first time shes been outside in six months and the breeze feels so nice on her face and she can see the sky and oh my god its so overwhelming. She never thought she'd see or feel any of this again.

Like shes completely emotionally compromised. Lots of happy tears and sad tears and fuck-i-don't-even-know-what-emotion-this-is tears. 

Korosensei eventually manages to shoo all the students. Tells them to go home and get rest. He'll answer it all in the morning. But for now him, Aguri, and Kayano have a LOT to deal with. 

He removes Kayano's tentacles. It's about now he notices someone hanging back in the trees watching them and gets nervous for a second, but quickly realizes who it is.

"OKAY, YOU CAN GO HOME NOW, NAGISA." and hes like "OKAY OKAY OKAY. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE KAYANO WAS REALLY OKAY" BEFORE SCRAMMING.

(BLESS HIS SOUL. HE’S A GOOD FRIEND.)

And kayano's like "Yay! No tentacles! Okay, so now you can do that to Aguri too, right?" and Korosensei and Aguri are like "hhahhahahahahhahhhhha." Because lets face it, tentacle implants and routinely having antimatter directly injected right into your bloodstream for months on end are pretty different situations. 

"I'm afraid not, Kayano." Korosensei says.

And Kayano's like "...Okay." and they head back to Kayano's place. Kayano just wants to go home with her sister, but she gets Aguri and Korosensei also have a lot to talk about, so she lets him stay the night.

Its clear the tentacles took a lot out of her because she's conked out before they know it. Aguri has to tuck her in. Cue more crying because she never thought she'd see her baby sister again and oh my god she's so tall and oh my god she dyed her hair and oh my god look at her sleeping so sweetly and oh my god she fought so hard for her and oh my god oh my god

Then Korosensei and Aguri go to Aguri's room. Which hasn’t been touched in months. Its depressing, really. But its also like coming home. 

She says she thinks she just wants to sleep, too. But like. Does that thing where you "want" to sleep but keep talking? Yeah. She just keeps saying "one more thing" and rambling to Korosensei about how traumatizing that entire experience was and how much she missed him and everyone else and how weird it is seeing everything again and none of this even feels real. Like she's going to wake up and she's going to be back there and she's never going to get to see them again. 

There's a LOTTTT of crying. But he's there to try his best to help.

She also 100% confesses to him and they PROBABLY make out, but its not like an "officially together" sort of thing because he realizes shes. Super emotionally compromised right now. But he promises that he gets it. He gets. Pretty much exactly what she's going through. And that he'll be there for her. No matter what, this time. 

Eventually she manages to sleep. It's sweet.

And the next morning is weird. ‘Cause all the kids and Korosensei and Aguri are waiting anxioussslyyy at the school. They're there super early. 

But Karasuma's equally as prepared. He SLAPS a newspaper on the desk. "HEY WHAT"S THIS ABOUT A LAB BEING BROKEN INTO LAST NIGHT??" 

And Korosensei's like "AHAHHAHAH...AHAHAH.... YOU THINK THAT'S BAD? WE ACTUALLY HAVE LIKE 800 MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO TALK ABOUT." AND MOTIONS TO AGURI.

Karasuma loses his FUCKING MIND

"WHAT DID YOU DO!??!?!?!?"

Around now Irina's arriving and. You can imagine she's equally as baffled.

But Korosensei begs them to hear them out. And he finally sits down and explains his Tragic Backstory to his students (and more details of it to Karasuma) far earlier than he’d liked to have.

That’s great and all, but only raises the question of what to do now. Kids are already arguing about whether or not they don’t want to kill Korosensei anymore, and that’s not getting STARTED on Aguri. Do… does she need to die, too? There’s instantly EVEN MORE arguing over that, especially on Kayano and Korosensei’s part. Like that's a BIG FAT NO, CHIEF.

Aguri sheepishly admits she thinks that would be difficult anyways, and showcases her near invincibility. Karasuma loses his FUCKING MIND YET AGAIN and makes a lot of calls. 

He tries to dismiss class for the day, but Korosensei refuses. They actually have a bit of a fight over it. People NEED to come and collect Aguri and do tests. But Korosensei refuses to let her go through that alone after what she’s been through, and also refuses to shirk his job and let his kids miss class over this. Karasuma reluctantly allows a delay until class is over. Namely because its not like he (even with government help on his side) could forcibly take either of them in.

It becomes pretty clear pretty quickly why Korosensei fought so staunchly for this, aside from just his responsibilities as a teacher. It was for Aguri. He felt she needed this. To be in that normal environment and be a teacher again, even just for a day. 

Her demeanor's. different. And the students notice pretty quickly. She's nothing like the goofy happy go lucky Yukimura-sensei they had a few months ago. but she's trying her best, even if they're super worried for her.

Anyway, that night things go DOWN. the government figures Aguri is NEAR INVINCIBLE and shits themselves. It looks like the world’s going to fucking end. They work harder on developing more and more deadly things, but it looks.... bleak.

Meanwhile obviously the E Class, Karasuma, Irina, and Dos Horny Octopi are already putting their heads together to try and find a way to prevent that. While they try to deduce how to save the world AND their teachers, arrangements are made to let Aguri teach as well (With EVEN MORE money slid Gakuho’s way…) They get the scoop on Yanagisawa, and learn he’s in no condition to be a threat right now. (But I’m sure that won’t last.) And finally things return to… Some sort of normal, but it’s hard considering everything that’s gone down has shifted their views on everything so radically.

Anyways enter the COMFORT half of the this hurt/comfort AU.

From thereon out its about Aguri trying to find her place in the world and trying to find a way to be happy again while chipping away at her trauma. Trying to find a way to want to live again after feeling like she lost everything. About, like, ll the little things she missed and her emotional reactions to them and trying not to blame herself for feeling unhappy. About wondering if she'll never feel like the same person she was back then, and if that makes her broken (HEAVENS NO. OF COURSE NOT!) 

And of course, about Aguri reconnecting with her class, reuniting with her sister, getting to know Karasuma and Irina, and [reads smudged handwriting on hand] dating Korosensei.

Stuff like them going on dumb dates in their shitty normal people disguises and feeling awkward about how everyone's staring at them but then laughing because "They're totally staring at you more, dork!" 

Needless to say, Korosensei lives in this AU. 

The shield is still put up and its. Super sad. Like Aguri's stuck outside of it and it's 100% a callback to how they couldn’t touch each other before. Like going from being separated by that wall to being separated by that fucking shield. "I want to touch you Mister Reaper..." again indeed.

I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do with 2.0. I feel like Aguri would try and force Korosensei to reveal his identity during the 2.0 arc, all things considered. But I don’t know if that would make things better or worse. Would it just make 2.0 more vengeful, or is it not too late for him to find some peace and acknowledgement from his mentor? I... Don’t have an answer.

But either way, yes, with or without 2.0, things get NASTY in the shield like in canon when Yanagisawa shows his head (You thought Kayano maiming him was going to hold him down? NEVER.) And when it looks like Korosensei and the students are in danger, Aguri forces herself in through the shield despite the fact that it SERIOUSLY INJURES HER. (Like, God, even w her near invincible tentacle boost she's practically maiming hersel.) Because she NEEDS to protect Korosensei, and she NEEDS to protect those kids.

She lost everything once. She never thought she'd be happy again. But she is. She’s managed to find that. And she won’t let anyone fucking take that from her. She gets to be the one to defeat Yanagisawa, essentially thematically taking back her agency completely.

And something-something the kids use the power of media against the govt in the same way the govt used it against them, and livestream Koroagu’s beautiful reunion to the point that something something people don’t want them killed or something. Or maybe she shields Korosensei from the laser herself (Again at massive risk to herself) or both or I DONT KNOW. But either way they LIVE because they’ve been through much and they’ve earned it and I WANT them to.

Like in manga canon Yanagisawa survives but paralyzed. Aguri stops by once, talks a little (He can’t respond LMAOOO), essentially reaffirms she’s refound her happiness, she knows who she is, and that she doesn’t hate him. She’s scared of him. And she hates what he did to her. But she doesn’t hate him. Because that’s not the sort of person she is. It’s never been. And letting what he did to her take that from her would be letting him win. She says she hopes he finds a way to be happy someday, then walks out, reclaims her life, and never has to see him again. (Which obviously I don’t think is the best way/the only way/even a good way to react. You should NEVER feel obligated to forgive your abuser. EVER. Even superficially. But I do think it’s a very Aguri way.)

Her and the kids and Korosensei live happily ever after. Well. “Happily ever after.” There is no happily ever after after trauma. After depression. After wanting to die. But it does get better. And she’s finally, finally surrounded by people who love her. So maybe even if she’ll never quite be the same, that’s okay. She’s not broken. She’s pretty happy. And even if she’s not completely happy yet...

Who knows? Maybe one day she will be. 

And that’s a pretty beautiful thought.

[alexfeelyx]

Crappy to snappy - DA:O Edition

So I’m probably not alone with my eternal frustration with the lack of a DA:I style flycam for Origins. (But I won’t complain bc hey, I don’t know how to make one, either, and I’m just grateful that we have one for Inquisition. If it was possible for Origins, I’m sure someone would have made it by now.)

But never fear! Even a less-than-optimal screenshot can be made to look loads better with a few easy Photoshop tricks. (Unfortunately PS is what I’m mostly familiar with, so that’s what I’ll be focusing on.)

1. The lighting - The first thing I did here was adjust the brightness and the contrast by A LOT. Don’t worry if it looks a little weird, I usually apply multiple adjustment layers until I get the desired look.

2. Color lookup layers - Since I have discovered these, my life has become an endless parade of joy and amusement (slight overstatement here). You will find them among the adjustment layers. Feel free to play with their opacity, layer more on top of each other... They are super fun! I think I used Crisp Winter and Futuristic Bleak here, and took the opacity down a peg.

3. Eyes - I like to emphasise them a little, but not so that they end up looking like an anime protagonist. I choose a saturated version of their eye colour, draw it on a new layer, play with the blending modes a little and dial back the opacity where it becomes super subtle. (Overlay and Color are good blend modes for this, but I tend to just play around until I find one that works!)

4. Focus distance - So in Inquisition, you could just use the flycam to control this, but what happens when you don���t have one? (This works for ppl playing DA:I on consoles, as well!) What I do is, I duplicate my original layer (bc I’m super paranoid and I never do anything that’s not a mask without a copy of my original layer), I select everything I want to be blurred, copy the selection, and apply a Gaussian blur filter. If you have different objects at different distances (like the pile of books vs. the background here), group them roughly by distance, and apply different amounts of blur. So the pile of books was selected separately, and I applied a filter with a lower amount of blur, then i selected the rest of the background and applied more blur. This looks roughly equivalent to how it would look on a real photo. And since it’s a blur effect, you don’t have to be super accurate with it! You can always go over the edges with the blur tool, set to a small brush size, and make more precise adjustments (like I did here around the areas of Adra’s hair).

5. Small corrections - I kind of dislike the sunken-in cheeks look DA:O tends to give my characters (I might just suck at character creation), so I selected the offending part of Adrahel’s face, copied the selection, and used the Warp tool to nudge it to my liking. It was easier in my case since the contrast between his hair and face is strong, it might take a bit of trial and error for other people.

6. Shadows and highlights - So this is the most fun part for me, where I get to pretend I can draw! I always say that a nice soft brush with a low opacity can solve almost any problem. I use different layers for the different parts - this bit is pretty much like contouring, so people who use makeup might find it pretty easy! I usually take a look at where the light already hits different parts of the face, and just add a little extra. I usually focus on highlighting the lips, adding some exra shadow under them to make them look more defined, and adding shadows under the eyes (makes my usually very twinky-looking PCs seem a little bit more worn and realistic). Here I also added a little bit of shadow to Adra’s jaw (I know elves with facial hair are not really A Thing but I still think it makes him look less like he just escaped from a Thedosian boy band).

7. Other stuff - I like vignettes, sue me! I simply use the Inner shadow blending option for the vignette. To give the text a darker backdrop, I use a rectangle with a gradient fill (black to transparent), and as usual I choose the blend mode that seems to work best (here it was Color Burn I think). Then I choose a font - that is obviously totally down to everyone’s personal taste (this one here is called White Angelica).

And that’s it! Here’s a gif of the whole process:

[horansqueen]

BabyGirl 9.0

NOTES:

♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts ♥ 3.4k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ i hope some of you still enjoy this! let me know! ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate.

♥ PART 1  // PART 2 // PART 3  // PART 4 // PART 5 // PART 6 // PART 7 // PART 8

                     9.0  HESITATIONS & OREOS

HIM

I had no idea what made me propose that but although my mind was fighting hard against it, this time, my heart won. She stared at me, blinking a few times, probably wondering what my words meant exactly, and what they implied. I was asking myself the same thing but it seemed like I couldn't concentrate. All I could hear were the hard beatings of my heart against my rib cage. It echoed all over my body, making it throb and making nervousness spread inside me. I wanted her to say yes, I wanted her to stay with me, even if I knew it was dangerous, but at the same time, i knew the right answer was to refuse.

Despite everything Louis had told me, I still was not sure our feelings were real anymore. I didn't know if the relationship we could start would be as deep and intense as it used to be, and I was not sure it was the right thing to do for Chelsea. It made me realize that my daughter's happiness was now the most important thing for me, and I was ready to let go of things I wanted if it meant keeping her from hurting. That evidence hit me hard and I moved back slightly like someone had slapped me hard.

"You know what, maybe it's not a good idea after all."

The words escaped my lips and I regretted them as soon as I heard them. I found her eyes with mine and she frowned, nodding slowly and licking her lips. I had done it again, I had hurt her, and i cursed at myself mentally. Every single time I took a step forward with her, I ended up taking two steps back, making things even harder between us.

"I mean, no, you can stay." I corrected myself quickly. "The room where Chelsea is sleeping has a king size bed, so you two can share it."

She didn't even try to hide it, her face twisted into a sad expression and she nodded, sending me a fake smile. She kept quiet, and silence fell between us. I thought about the kiss we shared only a few minutes ago, and my heart skipped a beat. It was incredible how her lips seemed to fit perfectly with mine, how this damn kiss seemed like a choreography we had rehearsed for years, how every time my mouth left hers, I seemed to feel completely empty. I wanted to reach for her, bring my hands on her cheeks to cup her face, if only to feel my skin against hers.

I shut my eyes tight for a few seconds and opened them again. She was playing with her fingers nervously, her leg shaking and her gaze fixing the floor, like she was lost in her thoughts. I wish we could share how we felt, but we were both a bit confused and I couldn't seem to put into words all the emotions invading me. I was never really good with expressing my feelings unless it was in a song, but it's been even worse in the past few days. It probably didn't help that I kept backing away after showing her affection and even if I was having a hard time, it still was not an excuse to play yo-yo with her.

I suddenly felt extremely guilty and licked my lips, reaching out to grab her fingers with mine. It seemed to startle her and her head raised up before her eyes met mine again.

"Come on." I let out very gently with a small head movement.

She didn't ask anything, she simply got up and followed me to the kitchen, bringing her empty glass with her when I grabbed my beer. She put her glass on the isle and leaned against it, her fingers brushing on the marble of the counter. I felt my heart twist at her sight, trying to push away all the romantic thoughts that rushed to my brain.

My heart jumped in my chest when I noticed something on the counter and held my breath, walking to it. It lay in my hand, the cold metal burning the palm of my hand. Louis had told me that he had left something for me in the kitchen, but I didn't expect it to be the silver heart I had thrown away before the party he dragged me to. I stared at it, blinking a few times, before quickly slipping it in my pocket. I took a deep breath, happy that it was not lost forever, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself.

"Are you alright?"

I looked back at my ex girlfriend and sent her a smile and a nod to reassure her. I grabbed the bottle of wine from the fridge and poured her an other glass. She stared at it, making it turn around with two of her fingers while I took an other sip of my beer, emptying it quickly.

"Hungry?"

She raised her head as I walked to the pantry, reaching up to grab a box of cookies and coming back to her, placing it next to her glass as I leaned on the isle too, right next to her. I watched as her lips curled and she chuckled, looking up at me. I noticed I was closer to her than I thought but I fought my first instinct and remained motionless instead to back away again.

"Wine, cookies... you're a real diet breaker, Niall Horan, did you know that?"

I stared at her some seconds before answering.

"You haven't seen anything, I ordered pizza earlier." I pointed out with a smirk, making her laugh. "There's some left if you're interested."

Her smile turned into a fonder one and mine did too. She took her glass and brought it to her lips, making my gaze move to her mouth as she took a sip. If only I didn't feel that strongly about her, perhaps it wouldn't be as confusing.

"No thanks." she finally replied. "Cookies are good."

I knew she had a sweet tooth and I smiled more, opening the box and giving her an oreo cookie. She grabbed it and twisted it, separating both cookies before letting her tongue gather all the cream on one until there was only the cookie left. I laughed and rolled my eyes as she handed it to me, making me grimace.

"There's no way I'm eating that," I admitted with a laugh. "It's full of your spit. You literally licked all of it."

"It's the cookies you prefer though, right? And I prefer the cream. It's called sharing." she joked with an other chuckle. "Besides, you kissed me earlier, did you think it was nasty?"

She stared at me with a daring smile as my eyes traveled from her eyes to her lips and back to her eyes.

"That's different." I whispered. "You know it."

She licked her lips and this time, it made my heart skip a beat. It was crazy the effect she had on me and it bothered me.

"But did you think it was nasty?"

I smiled more and laughed, my hand reaching her way as I touched the top of her hand with the tip of my fingers. It sent an electric shock all over my body and I could swear I saw her shiver.

"Of course not."

"I dare you to do it." she let out, playing with the cookie in her hand, her gaze still dived in mine.

I felt my heartbeats accelerate and held my breath as we looked at each other intensely. Time seemed to be suspended and my fingers stopped moving on top of her hand. My lips parted slightly and I finally inhaled, filling my lungs with air but also courage. I had to stop fighting against what I wanted, I had to stop over-analyzing every single action I made. It was not easy for me, I was used to check my every move, to choose my words carefully, to make sure I let out enough but not too much, that I reacted exactly the way I was supposed to...

Without thinking, I moved closer quickly and pushed my lips against hers. She jumped slightly but I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer, and she finally relaxed against me, allowing me to kiss her deeper. This time, our kiss was more impatient, and way more passionate. I held her body flush against mine, enjoying the burning sensation it procured me, and when I finally broke the kiss, I kept my forehead pressed against her, opening my eyes slowly. I met her gaze and we smiled, chuckling again and she nibbled on her bottom lip for a few seconds.

"I meant, I dare you to eat the cookie." she explained with a short and low laugh, making me smile more.

"I know."

We remained like that for a few minutes before I loosened my embrace and she sighed, reaching for her glass and taking a long sip from it, making me laugh again. I grabbed the cookie on the counter and put it completely in my mouth, chewing on it and swallowing it quickly. She rolled her eyes with a grin and shook her head before to hand be the other half.

"Still hungry?"

I glanced at the cookie in her hand as she shook it to catch my attention but finally looked back up at her. She was pretty, and the way she smiled made me want to be close to her, physically, and emotionally.

"I bought wine just for you, in case you'd come here." I randomly let out.

She immediately stopped wiggling the cookie and looked at me, surprised. I breathed in and sighed, looking down at her hand and taking the cookie gently from her fingers, putting it away.

"And I kept buying oreo cookies because it reminds me of you." I confessed, feeling my heart jump up my throat. "I never really forgot you, or got over you. I just pushed the memories away."

She kept silent, swallowing hard but pressing her lips together. I didn't know if it was to stop herself from talking, or from crying, but I just shook my head.

"See? I contradict myself all the time." I scoffed, feeling ridiculous and shaking my head. "I did all I could to stop thinking about you, yet I kept buying these cookies that made me think of you. It's exactly like right now. I kiss you and back away, when in reality I just want to bring you to my room. I invite you for the night and take it back but what I actually want is to have you in my life. And not just as the mother of my kid but as my girlfriend."

HER

His self-critical tirade left me voiceless. It was the last thing I expected and I felt slightly dizzy from his avowal mixed with the two glasses of wine I had swallowed. I backed away slightly, as if to get an overview of the whole situation, but I was not sure the words he spoke had really sank it yet.

"What do... what do you mean, Niall?"

He turned around, his back facing me, and moved his hand in his hair, pulling on it slightly and letting out a sigh. I watched him, remaining motionless but feeling my heart beat so hard in my chest that the sound echoed all over my body.

I didn't want him to stop talking. I wanted to hear his voice over and over again. I wanted to listen to his words for a million times, until I could really grasp them and let them invade all of me. If I could, I would record him, just to close my eyes and play his confession all night.

"I don't know, I don't know what i'm saying."

Slowly, he turned my way, his hand still in his hair, and his eyes moved up to meet mine. I held my breath as he took a step closer and shook his head.

"I know what I want, but I don't know what I should do."

"Why don't you do what you want to do." I let out very low, tilting my head and frowning slightly. "You ever heard of the saying 'just follow your heart'?"

He chuckled and shut his eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them. He became serious again and just shrugged.

"I know you're that kind of person but I'm not. I can't be."

Obviously, I had no idea what he was going though or what his life was like, but what kind of regrets is he going to have in fifty years from now?

"I can't pretend I understand," I started, moving closer and holding myself on the isle. " But I respect that. You have a very different life than mine."

He stares at me again, letting his arm fall back on the side of his body, and I let my eyes wander on him. He grew up and changed. He was not the skinny kid I used to date, and I felt sorry I didn't get the chance to watch him turn into the man he became.

"That's the problem." he admitted so low I barely heard him. "I want my life and yours to be similar."

I felt my lips curl into a small but fond smile.

"We have Chelsea," I mentioned. "That means we're linked forever."

His eyes roamed on my face and he put his hand on the isle too. I glanced at it and breathed in, desperate to be closer to him again.

"I'm very happy about my new title, I love being Chelsea's dad, way more than I thought I would at first." he professed, bending slightly and making me look up to follow his eyes. "But I want us to be linked in many other ways. I just don't know if it's really what we should do, I don't know if it's the good thing to do for Chelsea."

It took me a few seconds but I finally nodded slowly at his comment. I felt my heart twist in my chest knowing he cared about our daughter's well-being before his own, since making her my priority was something I did ever since I found out I was pregnant.

"She asked me if I was her new father."

My lips curled at his words and I chuckled, my gaze never leaving his.

"What did you say?"

He shrugged, licking his lips and I did the same without thinking.

"You know me, I eluded the question with an other question."

This time, I let out a laugh that made his smile grow. I brought my hand slowly to his chest and gripped his shirt lightly, shaking my head. There are so many questions I wanted to ask him myself without daring to, but I was not surprised my daughter had more guts than I did.

"Well done." I simply said. "But one day, we're gonna have to answer it. You're lucky she didn't insist."

I felt his fingers over mine on the counter but didn't have the courage to look at our hands. At that point, I didn't care about anything else but what he was going to do next.

"I know." he whispered, his face so close to mine I could feel his warm breath on my skin.

"Okay."

He bent closer and I swallowed, keeping my eyes open until his lips pressed against mine once again. I gripped his shirt harder and pulled him to me a bit rougher than I intended, making him chuckle against my mouth.

"How about we take things slow but without telling Chelsea?" he breathed, his lips brushing against mine as he talked.

"Okay."

I swallowed my emotions and cleared my throat, knowing my voice was about to crack. I knew why he didn't want to tell our daughter yet, and I knew he was right, but trying again with him was something I desperately wanted. I was scared, probably even more than he was, and there was no way I wanted to risk hurting Chelsea with this.

He kissed me again. It was a simple kiss, but it made an ecstatic sensation run through my body and I didn't deepen the kiss this time, in fear of ruining it. It took me a while but I finally let go of his shirt. He moved back a bit to look in my eyes and I sent him a large smile that he sent back.

I grabbed my glass and downed it completely, making him laugh. He took it and brought it to the sink.

"Enough for tonight, are you tired?" he asked. I shook my head and he just nodded. "Alright, maybe we can listen to music in the living room?"

I waited until he was sitting down and he patted the seat next to him. I sat down and immediately, his arm moved around my shoulders. The intense feeling that invaded me was almost unknown but after searching in my memory, I realized that the only times I ever felt like that was when I was with Niall.

He used his phone to put music on the tv and I smiled when it filled the entire room. I leaned my head on the couch and closed my eyes until I heard a chuckle next to me. I turned my head in his direction and opened my eyes, raising my eyebrows.

"What?"

"You and Chelsea, you're both so..." he let out, shaking his head. "I don't know, you two have the same expressions, you do the same faces, and you react the same."

I laughed too and shrugged, closing my eyes again.

"We've been doing almost everything together for five years now, I guess you develop similar habits and reactions."

I couldn't tell him how bad I wanted him to be a part of us, a part of what we had. I would gladly let him join us and I was sure Chelsea already had feelings for him. She had such a big heart and Niall was so easy to love.

"Chelsea is gonna need new clothes," I started, feeling him shift slightly on his seat.

"Oh, yea, sure, I can pay for her stuff."

His response made a laugh escape my lips and my eyes fluttered open, waiting until he looked back at me.

"No, I'm not asking for your money, Nee." I explained with a grin. "I was wondering if you wanted to come with us."

He stared at me, blinking a few times, amusing me even more.

"The mall? You, me, and Chelsea? Tomorrow?"

His expression changed and he seemed surprised.

"Oh, yes, of course."

I sat up and turned my body to him, glancing at his lap and bringing one of my hands on his thigh. I had no idea why I needed to touch him so bad, but it was stronger than me. I felt bad until he moved his arm from the back of the couch to bring me closer to him. My lips found his easily and I brought both of my hands on his cheeks to cup his face.

"I know it's probably not your favorite activity, but Chelsea loves shopping." I mentioned. "She also loved trying out clothes, so I hope you're patient."

He laughed and I did the same.

"I'm ready. Bring it."

I felt my heart soften and he pulled me with him as he lied down. His body felt so good against mine and I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes and wrapping my arm around him. I didn't want to move ever again, I just wanted to stay close to him forever. He smelled exactly the way I remembered, a mix of his expensive cologne and his unique body scent. The heat of his body warmed mine and it calmed me in a way I couldn't explain.

"I think I'm gonna spend the night here, after all."

He chuckled and I pushed myself harder on him, feeling suddenly incredibly tired.

[stanstiktok]

OK so you all wanted it. i could definitely do a fuller analysis over this but this is what im gonna start with bc im thinking about it right now. ill most likely have a thousand more things to add bc ill remember them later after writing this but heres my initial pitch as to why stan marsh is obviously gay. most of this is about his compulsory heterosexuality.

first of all we need to address the elephant in the room being his relationship with wendy. i feel like a lot of ppl are very quick to off him as being bi or pan or something. and while it may seem that way, personally having lived my life being a gay man throughout school, i dont think thats the case. 

his relationship with wendy is INCREDIBLY surface level. it seems forced more than anything. i take a lot of this from my own experience in being a gay boy at school, and i definitely had a ton of compulsory heterosexuality, which is exactly what i feel that stan deals with. you may think that younger boys at school dont really “deal” with that, but i assure you that your friends who are also boys can be brutal about this sort of thing when it comes down to it. 

stan more really seems to like, just like girls because thats the “right” thing to do. thats what everyone else expects. thats what everyone else wants. he wants to fit in he doesnt want to make  a scene and he doesnt want it to be talked about.

nothing about stan really says that his crush on wendy is anything other than this. the dude just likes her because he can, basically. there is no basis to the crush or them dating. honestly when you look at it it really seems like a way to assert the fact that hes “not” gay. putting your life into liking a girl you dont actually have any feelings for is something ive done personally in an effort to show that i was straight when i very clearly wasnt. i convinced myself i liked a girl to the point where it was unhealthily effecting me, i genuinely thought i liked her and thats what i told my friends, because i wanted them to accept me as a “straight” guy. Stan seems to mirror that, as he doesnt really have many reasoning into liking her. its surface level attraction, and he uses that as a ground to show that hes straight. no one questions you if you lie about it and convince yourself otherwise, dude.

if you dont buy into it, its kinda been scrapped as far as recent episodes go, but him throwing up whenever wendy would go to kiss him is an incredibly big indicator at this possible comphet. as its a gag, i wouldnt use it too much into the point, but there really isnt a straight reason to throw up when a girl goes to kiss you.

still on the point of wendy, her being genderfluid canonically also affects stan. stans confused about it, which is fair play to him. hes stressed out about it when she begins to identify as not just a girl. but he doesnt question her decision to do so or take any kind of action to break that crush towards her. i feel if he really was straight, and i know straight men, he would adamantly refuse this and stuff. but he doesnt he just kinda rolls with it. while i still think his crush on wendy is completely comphet, he doesnt make the move to change anything when she identifies as wendyl. its more acceptance towards it, despite how confused and stressed out he is at the thought. its also interesting how they make it clear to show his confusion with his sexuality at this point.

tweekxcraig is another example of this. stan becomes the focus. stan is the one whos confused. everyone else is kind of just like whatever about it, but stans the one up at night threating over 2 kids, who arent even really his friends, being gay! why would stan be a center in this if he wasnt also dealing with his sexuality in some way, it doesnt make sense for him to be like this. straight dudes tend to be god awfully sensitive about their sexuality, but stan isnt at all. stan questions it and questions himself. many others have pointed this out before, too. when there is an episode involving sexuality or gender, it always seems to point in on stan for some reason. always stan.

there are plenty of instances when stan is also called gay in a mocking sense, or kyle is referred to as his boyfriend or something. he never seems to fight that, though. he just kind of takes it! if he were straight he might be more adamant that this isnt the case, but i dont think he is. he brushes it off more often than not.

and lets not forget big gay al, i dont have to say much other than that for this one!

and im most likely forgetting a lot right now, but i really wanted to talk about the comphet aspect of this. i 100% believe that stan deals with comphet feelings and thoughts.