#but anyway yeah gave myself some will to live even tho it will take me ages to pay it off and i’m doing all fix up myself

[alistairlowes]

this week i’m painting my room and watching 13rw. nothing good there either.

[swiftfootedachilles]

Hi! You asked for an ask and I’m always down to ask so…do you have any headcanons about Mickey’s time in Mexico?

wow you managed to ask me about the only thing of this show that i HAVENT rlly thought about so hats off to you

uhhhh okay first, PRE-MEXICO. i think mickey broke out in the first place because he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him. i think if ian didnt break up with him and dedicated himself to being a prison boyfriend (?) mickey wouldve stayed in. (i also think he wouldve found a skeevy defense lawyer who owes the milkoviches some debts and appealed his conviction bc lets be honest its total bullshit that he got locked away just based off sammi's unreliable testimony. like where the fuck was debby to lie under oath and say mickey was with her the whole time and she saw sammi take more pills than usual and go outside to move things. sorry im losing the plot this is NOT the time to discuss my s6 rewrite.) mikey haf absolutely no reason to stay in prison, stay in chicago, so i think after nearly 2 years of no visits from ian he just gave the fuck up. why not try to escape? hes smart, he can conjure up a decent plan, right? worst case scenario he goes back to prison, which didnt really fucking matter to him bc he was in prison anyway and he just. didnt care anymore.

so, he broke out and contacted ian ina last-ditch effort to get the love of his life back. he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him, but at the docks hes obviously still shocked to hear ian moved on fast enough to have a boyfriend already. then ian agreed to go to mexico and mickey was SO READY to start LIVING HIS LIFE. he thought that would be IT. him and his lover in mexico at the beach, getting away from all the bad memories of chicago and having a place to START OVER!!! then ian changed his mind last minute and mickey was fucking CRUSHED. AGAIN. and all of a sudden now hes in mexico alone and all his previous plans went out the fucking window because he totally didnt spend the past few days rearranging his plans to revolve around ian being with him.

i dont really think a lot about mickey's time in mexico. i think he was sad. i think he was angry. i think he just did what he could to stay alive and try to move on but he never really didnt. i think he kept his head low and did his job in the cartel and tried to learn spanish but it was too fucking hard so he gave up on that pretty quickly and attached himself to the multilingual members of the gang. i definitely dont think he had a boyfriend. im sure he fucked around with other guys, but i also think he spent more time laying in his shitty apartment that he shared with like 4 other guys trying not to cry too loud thinking about what could have been.

i also dont think he worked for el chapo lmfao sorry to anyone who thinks that but the timeline doesnt even line up. and if he somehow did have a part in taking down el chapo he wouldve been put in witness protection. he probably wouldve gotten killed anyway tho

my dumb ass didnt realize he got a new tattoo until like deep into s10 and i gaslit myself into thinking it was always there LMFAO but i love that he got another tattoo there. i like to think this one was with a clean needle. i dont think this happened in canon, but MY mickey wouldve gotten a tongue piercing! perhaps other ones too. a couple other tattoos, a cartilage piercing, an eyebrow, his nipples. idk. just to change his appearance more. yeah. thats. the only reason.

anyway i think he got back into the US by working with an undercover cop and being a part of a pre-planned drug bust that included him being "arrested" and making it seem like he got extradited to the US only for being wanted. if he wouldve just waltzed into a precinct and said "hey i got dirt on this cartel" his as wouldve been killed so quickly. it needed to be a lot more covert so the other members didnt catch on and get rid of him. i do think eventually they probably figured out he was the anonymous witness whose interviewed were used in trial, which is why when he gets released in s10 the CO tells him the cartel is looking for him. sorry im going all Law & Order here talking about a s6 trial and now a trial against the cartel i need to stop

[sigyn-foxyposts]

December 22th

After the surgery!

Hello everyone, good news! The surgery was a success and I'm lucky to not feel any pain as for now, I got a lot of rest and even a whole room for myself too :D

Now I'll start rambling about things!

The nurses here are amazing and I even met a few cool and memorable ones.

Like a Swedish woman who's super nice and a funny guy nurse (we love guy nurses!) that helped me stand up for the first time after my back surgery. I felt very dizzy but I didn't pass out 😵‍💫

He had a fun humor tho that I easily got along with! When he gave me my name tag that I put around me wrist, I didn't realize he had switched it out as a joke until I was preparing myself for a shower.

Now it makes sense why he said "here's an extra wrist band you can keep as a suvenier"

That suvenier was my actual wrist band! I'm so neurodivergent I swear- sometimes I don't understand the jokes 😂

But anyways, since I'm 18 now and count as an adult I've sadly been alone at the hospital, it's my first time too. But that's alright honestly because there needs to be a first time to everything!

And that right now is me not depending on my parents like I've always done! Same goes for others out there going through this, you're safe and sound at the hospital even if your caretakers aren't there with you!

I feel very proud of myself for just jumping into this second surgery and get it over with, not being as afraid like I was the first time.

Of course it was still differicult for me, the whole week before I went in I felt quite depressed and upset that there was a problem with my back once more.

But than again when you've done something once, the other times won't really be that bad, especially when you know and understand what youre going to do!

I'll admit before the surgery I was very nervous and did break down a little in tears when I first got into the surgery room.

Last time my mother had been there to comfort me but now it was the doctors who comforted me, I truly appreciate it.

These people know what they're doing!

I feel asleep just fine when they gave me a mask to breathe in some funky gas!

But I think when everything went dark I hallucinated for a quick second a weird green living room with a big bookshelf and a nice chair?? 🤨

But besides from that weird experience, when I woke up again and my parents did come to visit.

What's funny is that while I my head was fully awake my eyes were apparently swollen so I couldn't see anything, but talk and listen to the conversations.

I'll be honest it kinda sucked when I wanted to see things around me and be on my phone. But my eyes did eventually open up so don't worry haha!

Right now I'm just resting, I've surprisingly slept very well! I'll also have some guests over later today, it's only 9 in the morning right now as I'm writing this!

I'll hopefully update more later on about what's happening right now in life! But yeah yeah, I'll take it easy and rest already.

I can hear you guys already telling me hehe 😼

[justfor2am]

(wana start this off by saying no pressure to reply to this esp if ur still feeling like shit!! im just very excited so i wana share it LMAO)

so i!!! have started!!! to crochet again!!!!!! lil context ive been crocheting on n off since i was like? 8 probs but ive never been able to stick w it or even finish a project or anything.. until like?? sometime in the middle of last week i got the random urge to crochet?? so i dug thru all my shit but i couldn't find a single crochet hook HOWEVER my best friend was so very kind and gave me one of its extras :3

this has now kinda .spiraled into smt that might kinda fuck me up LMAO so i started one of those lil cat beanies for the friend that gave me a crochet hook last night n i finished it this morning ..ive never finished a project before howd i do it in less than 24 hours? actually its probs bc i put on mumbos s7 n now i refuse to watch it unless im crocheting

^ heres them in the beanie Btw kinda shit angle but i didn't take a pic of it before i gave them it (also cinnamoroll 4 privacy)

i also started my own beanie?? sometime last week maybe like friday or smt idr but its coming along!! tho bc i didnt look up a tutorial i just did shit by memory n accidentally made it single crochet so its taking SO much longer than my friend's

this obvs isnt the whole thing but im too lazy to take a pic of it all LMAO but!! this is mine

i also have two other yarns i wana make beanies out of for myself n one to make for another friend ANDDDDD the friend im planning to make a beanie for (but have not yet) bought me a new hook + two new skeins today⁉️

i have absolutely no idea what to make w them tbh. thinking of making a scarf + bag out of the thick one but idk ab the other??? anyways im SO excited i haven't had a hobby like this since early 2020 when i spent hours every day making 3d kandi cuffs this is incredible

goddamnit now i wana make kandi .also i started another pokemon game my friend's roommate let me borrow his copy of pokemon sword (MY FRIEND ALSO LET ME BORROW ITS COPY OF ANIMAL CROSSING OHH HOW IVE MISSED IT when ive not been crocheting ive been playing that its been so fun)

HELLO I LIVE KNITTING IS SO FUCKING SWAG

ALSO I AM AWARE KNITTING AND CROCHETING ARE NOT THE SAME; CROCHETING IS ALSO INCREDIBLY FUCKING SWAG

sorry i'm excited i can hear out my left ear again

also hell yeah to hermitcraft + crocheting, it feels like one of those hobbies that if u have adhd you gotta do/watch something along with it in order to focus, like i write to music but i can't write without it

hmmmmmmmmmmm what are things u could make from yarn uhhhhhhhhhhh gloves? fingerless gloves? idk but i like fingerless gloves, i "made" myself a pair by cutting all the finger tips off some shitty old ones (i get cold easy and this keeps my old man joints from shattering lmao)

waough animal crossing, idk how friend codes or any of that works but like if u would like to swap codes that would be swag i think 👉👈

[crowning-art]

TGCF SPOILERS!

------------------------------------------------

Ohhhh today we get into some lore bits!

As annoying as Pei Ming is, this was so funny that I actually liked him for 0.2 seconds lmao

Pei Ming was probably also startled by her, and was in shock for a long time before he spoke.

“You are…”

Xuan Ji sneered coldly.

Yet unexpectedly, after a pause, Pei Ming asked, “Who are you?”

Wait this line.....

Pei Ming’s voice came. “His Highness’ spiritual device is pretty useful. I’ll have to forge one for myself too, sometime.”

“If you knew how it was forged, you wouldn’t say so…” Xie Lian thought.

I remember reading a spoiler by accident but wasn't Rouye his mom or smt?? Lmao did he kill his mom or smt? I don't think he would do that tho...

UNLESS THEY GOT THE HUMAN FACE DISEASE?????

I CANT BELIEVE THE WHOLE THING I SAID ABOUT XIE LIAN WATCHING EVERYONE LIKE IT'S A SHOW WITH POPCORN BECAME CANON LJDJDJDJDNFJFK

“Yeah, I could feel that female ghost’s love has morphed into hatred, she’s going nuts!”

“I don’t think so. I’m sure she couldn’t do it. Want to eat some melon seeds?”

“Give me another handful, thanks.”

“How can everyone be in the mood to munch on melon seeds?” Xie Lian frowned.

“Your Highness, didn’t you munch a bunch too?” the people said.

“Huh?”

Only then did Xie Lian realize that while he was so focused on the show earlier, he unconsciously received a handful of melon seeds they had passed over, and he’d eaten them all. He slapped his forehead.

Lol I was so confused like wait Yushi Huang is a female??? I thought it was a male this whole time? But then I realized it was because she was addressed as Lord Rain Master instead of Lady Rain Master! She seems cool so far

MAN MY PREDICTIONS ARE COMING TRUE...ish

I mean I did say Lang Ying was bad news a year ago! I mean he hasn't even shown up yet BUT STILL

“What did he look like?” Xie Lian pressed.

“It wasn’t clear,” the Rain Master said. “Because his head was wrapped in bandages.”

Head wrapped in bandages?!

Xie Lian was dumbfounded. “Was it Lang Ying?!”

WAIT I JUST HAD A THOUGHT! WHAT IF THERE ARE TWO WHITE NO FACES! AND LANG YING IS ONE OF THEM????? OR ATLEAST THE CAUSE OF THE DISEASE FROM YEARS AGO????

Anyways, reunion when?

They are living in a rom-com and completing every trope for reals lmaoo current trope: sleepover!

Xie Lian walked off for a bit and had wanted to just find a tree to lean against and lie down for a bit, but Hua Cheng dug out a bunch of ropes and cloth from who knows where, and set up two swinging hammock beds between two trees. The two of them climbed in, and there was ample space, very comfortable to lie in.

Ok, just like the others, Yushi Huang's story was so tragic! Not as bad as the others (but also theirs did take a turn for the worst later on and there might be a later on with her story too...) ALSO GENERAL PEI??? WHAT??? HOW IS HE EVERYWHERE THO??? I wonder if Yushi Huang ever liked him....

The people at the bottom saw someone stuck on top of the roof, unable to come down, and all thought it funny. Even the princesses and princes of Yushi were snickering with their mouths covered. It was only a general of Xuli who, after chuckling, leapt up and brought her down.

This general was of course Pei Ming.

HOLY OH MY GOD I HAVE TO APPLAUD THE GENIUS OF RONG GUANG'S PLAN That was literally so chillingly well thought out and beautiful that I kinda just HAVE to appreciate it, yknow? Like genuinely stunningly beautiful and genius

The Xuli troops brought over hundreds of felons on the death row from Yushi, dressed them up as normal civilians, and dragged them before the palace gates. Then, he told King Yushi: if he should come out himself and kowtow three times to show penance for oppressing his people, and kill himself in atonement, then he would let those civilians go and not lay a single finger on any of the remaining members of the royal house. If he should refuse, Pei Ming would chop off those civilians’ heads. He gave the royals three days’ time, and every passing day in those three, a new group would be killed. After three days passed, they would invade the palace to kill the royals, then kill the rest of the civilians.

If King Yushi refused to come out, then he was selfish and didn’t love his people. The awkward thing was, King Yushi had always publicized that he loved his people like his children; if his words and actions didn’t match, it would for sure produce resentment in the people, thinking they’d been deceived. “Didn’t you say you loved your people like your children? Why would you turn around and have the civilians be sacrificed for the sake of royalty?” This would then destroy their loyalty to the Yushi royalty.

OK WHAT I LOVE THO IS THAT FOR HOW PERFECT AND WELL THOUGHT THE XULI PLAN WAS, THE YUSHI HUANG PLAN WAS EVEN MORE STUNNING FHFJFJJFJGJF

Thus, in less than an hour, in the crudest and most rushed succession ceremony in the history of the Kingdom of Yushi, the monarch who was the least likely to become queen was born.

The new Queen of Yushi slit her own throat, and blood poured like a fountain; no doubt, beyond saving.

Like Xuan Ji had no right to disregard her as Queen after everything she did

Rom cooooooommmmmm this time the trope is: cute motorcycle/bike ride (well ox in this case lmao) while holding your beloved's waist lmao

The black ox sped rapidly, and Xie Lian’s body was leaning back slightly from the force, almost like he was sitting in Hua Cheng’s embrace. He smiled as he listened.

“There sure isn’t anything San Lang doesn’t know; it’s like no tales or classics can trip you up.”

Hua Cheng smiled too. “Is there anything else gege wants to know? I’ll tell you everything, if it’s within my knowledge.

Obsessed with the imagery here! Just putting it here so I can find it again in the future lol

The reason why this mountain looked like it was dyed in the colour of blood was because the forests on this mountain were all red. They weren’t maples, but they were crimson like maples; the colour of blood. Xie Lian could also smell the stench of blood. It seemed the nutrients of the plants here consisted of plenty of resentment and human blood.

OK THERE IS TWO POSSIBILITIES: so it's Jun Wu as White No Face OR Lang Ying since they both have strong connections to the human face disease incident

“Since this person destroyed the other two murals, then why didn’t they destroy this one too?”

Hua Cheng asked. “Why did they leave just this one? And it just had to be the one of the Human Face Disease?

NEVER MIND! THIRD POSSIBILITY! IT IS A WHOLE NOTHER PERSON

“The third possibility is, it wasn’t that this person didn’t want to destroy all the murals, but they didn’t make it in time. Just as they were destroying the other two, we came in. So now, they’re hiding in the grand hall this very moment.”

Ahhhhh I wonder who it can be~ I'm gonna be sitting with anticipation the whole day tomm!!! And I imagine tomm's read will go a lot like this lol

[donttakeitsopersonal]

Seeing internet drama like… match up or I suppose mirror the subplot of a webcomic I’m reading is so so fascinating. I mean it’s like drama that we’ve seen a bazillion times if you’ve spent enough time in the right circles but idk seeing it playing out too with real people got me thinking again.

Waffles under cut

Ima keep it vague even tho im an absolute nobody, knowing my luck, this will breach containment and then my unorthodox new ways of thinking will ruffle feathers haha but yeah.

Essentially the comic is about the aftermath of a murder and how people are living their lives after that. One of the accomplices is free and living their life and they’re also online. People find out and bully them, someone even suggested deleting their accounts and going offline for a while, but they don’t want to. One thing that is brought up with it is everyone keeps telling them they got to take accountability, which is true. But that’s got me asking well what does that look like? Like it can really look a lot of different ways but watching irl drama play out it makes me wonder if anything will ever be good enough for people. Like I’ve even seen this same scenario play out many times and there’s usually always a vocal group who just want the guilty party to be forever guilty. Is it good enough for them to take accountability, apologize, and rectify their behavior? (I’m talking low stakes drama here not like heinous abuse lol) it just really feels like if you ever make a tiny misstep online that’s your cross to bear forever. I feel like it’s very reductive and doesn’t allow the person to grow and change, which, isn’t that what we want? For people to grow and change and better themselves? Like idk man at this point in time if you can’t show me examples of someone doing XYZ shitty thing within the last year, like yknow something recent, I really couldn’t give a flying sideways fuck. If someone said “hey I did XYZ at this time and that was fucked and shitty and I’ve worked to change myself” and they haven’t done XYZ and did work to change themself, then idk man you sound incredibly immature and like you gotta mind your own business. Like it’s perfectly fine to be like “I don’t like this person they’re icky to me” that’s fucking fine you don’t need a good reason to not like people they can just give you general ick, water and oil don’t mix and you won’t like everyone you meet. You don’t have to be a bully tho 🙄🙄

OMG lemme waffle about other silly drama I saw that’s just like oh myfuckingod you do not need to and also hey wait a minute. So this one car influencer who is a very mean girl that’s also mean to other women while trying to present as a ✨Girl’s Girl✨™️ has had this, I shit yall not, YEARS beef with this other gal. So two face (that’s what ima call her lol) years ago, like BC(before covid) times TF was doing modeling and mechanic work, wow femme model on car soooo original /s 🙃so at this point in time she was actually a ✨Girl’s Girl✨™️, or at least pretended like it well enough lol, and was friends with some other blue collar girlies. She said she’d help them start their own OFs if they wanted and one took her up on that offer. Idk what happened exactly but TF started accusing said girl that she was copying her and taking her business. And like this was all so funny to me because like this just gave me DeviantArt sparkledog furry drama circa. 2007, like legit “yOu CaNt PaInT yOuR cAr PuRpLe!!11 YoU cOpIeD!!!!2!11!” Like bro this is straight up “you copied my design because you also have stripes on your tail” like day one internet shit, get with it girl. But also this is funny too because I seen her at that time basically copy someone else’s video like cmon. So anyways that basically made their friendship implode on itself and she has since then had a vengeance on this poor girl lol so here’s the nutty part, TF will constantly say “this girl is always copying everything I do, I saw her doing XYZ” which like is kinda inconspicuous when you hear it but then it’s like wait, you say you do not like this person, you try and avoid them, so on and w/e so it’s like wait,,, HOW do you know that??🤨unless you’re checking out her page and following what she does 👀 sussy. And like the other gal she’s cool and nice, we’ll call her GG, but I NEVER see her saying SHIT about TF unless TF did something like get her page flagged or something, which I feel is normal. And like mind yall this has been going on for over the span of years. So being an outside spectator to this all I seriously think TF is projecting onto GG, at least with the “oooh you stalking my page waaah” like girl idk you the only one posting videos about someone else 👀and also I feel like TF feels like I wanna say attacked but not really, maybe more like GG makes TF feel inadequate? But like I feel like seeing GG’s journey it’s what TF have strived for, like GG was a dealer mechanic, and now has her own shop with her mans and their friend. Like TF has only ever worked at like quick lube places and I think very very briefly at a custom shop or something. Like a month or less. And while I can say TF can perform the work, she is not what I would consider a high level mechanic. Like you just realistically have not seen that many cars, you’re not going to see the normal stuff that comes into places you’re not going to have that experience. Yeah working on your own stuff gives you skills a dealer or shop won’t but there’s far more you’ll learn in a shop, and I feel like deep down she knows that and feels threatened by it. Cause like girl why the hell else would you be paying so close attention to this game that you’d clown on her miscarrying like brruuuuuhhhhh you did not have tooooooooo 🥴🥴🥴that VIDEO could’ve stayed in the drafts😶 the fact she made a video too is big YIKES. But wow yeah it’s nutty asf, reality is stranger than fiction

[temporarymoods]

almost october

[seething]

i tried a quiche today, at a cafe clearly customer-ed by rich people. i couldn't quite place why the baristas were like, colder than normal, but after a couple minutes of surveying their patronage i was like oh.. yeah. :( this is not the scene i'm used to!

anyway, it's night now. and you won't believe the set-up in my room. little context first: my congestion has been crazier than normal, sinuses just all out of whack, nostrils closing and opening at will. the left nose hole was like, dry today or something, so the corresponding left back of my throat was sore this evening. idk the actual cause and effect here, but maybe someday soon i'll educate myself on the anatomy of it all. anyway, i have too many important things happening over the next couple of days and i can't get sick or have any pestulancies (made-up word)!! since i had already steam-bathed myself over a cup of tea post-homemade-fish-taco-dinner, and it was kind of nice, i had some empirical evidence supporting the idea that adding moisture to my air & sleeping in that for hours would make a kind of difference, so, time to bust out the humidifier! but then-- the air purifier. hmmm, you see i wake up and sneeze every morning because of fucking dust or something idk. mold?! so i've been living with my new baby as we know...but would it dry out my new air? has it been? all thoughts i've had in the last 20 minutes. anyway, i go to fill up my humidifier with water, bam, she's working right away. i put her next to my bed and turn to the air purifier at the foot of my bed, turn it on. WHY IS IT READING AT 100?! oh mygod she turned on and boom numbers start flying up. what?! its normally at like...1. maybe 002. but we flew past the 70s into the 90s and past 100?! (don't ask me what it's measuring, idk, but number bigger = badder) so i was shocked! i ran her last night, with really no need! steady low numbers, even with/after candle burning. then wasn't in my room all day! maybe left my door open for a moment this evening... so that's an unsolved mystery. but i think ugh maybe the humidifier is too close to my bed, i don't want to get wet dirty air. so the two machines are now both at the foot of my bed, sharing the rug <3 sisters <3 so cute <3 and i am well taken care of. thank you, machines! please keep me healthy! (lol just realized the mug of tea i made a while ago is also still quite warm because of my electronic mug hahaha. that's so chic)

that was a lot of dumbness. but it excites me. what else. i had a proper adventure today. so much was inspiring me and filling my bucket i just had to write it down at the beginning of my afternoon class. let's take a look at the notion, shall we?

here's the translation:

i saw a young child at thinking cup newbury. we vibed. tweeted about it. go check (there's a secret passageway on here)

self-explanatory, also, i was there for a rent check

self-explanatory, 2 toast and a sauce please

first quote me staring convo, second quote dude whose smile made my day saying bye; support UFCW !! they gave me a sticker & a pin :D

just checking in...doing my rounds................garnering intel....

same thing.......let a girl be......

wanted to remember this bc it felt like i was on a streak of kindness from strangers :)

self-explanatory, second point true asf

saw a rifle for the first time in a long time! turns out i can recognize that hint of white taped wood anywhere

so that's what i did. what was i thinking tho? good question. got a list for that too.

been watching a lot of movies recently. finished she's the man tonight, actually. weird as fuck, like straight up. if i did star ratings it would only get 2

coming soon :0

didn't yet (pay my credit card. lmao)

new wes anderson flick

also for my watchlist, thanks sapphic twitter

10 year pure heroine anniversary, was gonna tweet about it

coming soon :0

paper i want to read, taken from paper i read about south dakota native american abortion politics in 2006

god. when does she stop making lists...never.

silly

thinking i would

got too many eggs, want sweet treats, mad scientist therapy, etc.

secret (i want a way to store my homemade salad dressings)

pillies

so i've got a lot going on, internally and externally. big woo. have to get up so early tomorrow-- i shouldnt be up right now-- to go to a catholic training about protecting god's children, mandatory for before i begin tutoring writing once a week at an in-need private school. awkwarrddd for the church! (it's about child sexual assault prevention.) curious to see how they approach the subject. but its early as fuck and a 20 minutes drive away. watching pretty little liars right now though and the two cunty moms are discussing divorce and dating again, lmfao. this show cracks me up. i told the elevator pitch version of my parents' divorces story today, only to realize i hadn't really talked about it in a while. a long while. not something i think about, those couple of months. shit was kind of...idk. don't think i have the right word.

i should get goinggg now. i know!! such a shame. isn't it so fun to read all these details?! it's fun for me to write them. i want to remember somehow.

w/ love & sustained interest in life, talk soon, about teaching, and other things, Kate

p.s. i've been taking some pretty pictures, will share soon xo

[tiny-tigers]

I think the new fleet of England players at Tigers has people forgetting they were almost relegated three years ago!

It’s good to have different perspectives, I’d consider myself a neutral to be fair. We live in North London so my dad and brothers have always supported Sarries! But my mum would take me and my sister out when the boys went to games. She’s always been very uninterested in sport and loves a ‘girly’ glam day out🤣 But rugby was still discussed so I know a lot from what I heard. We do go to England games as a family though (going this Saturday!) because my Dad’s business is affiliated with them so it’s complimentary, which I know I’m very lucky to enjoy! What made you choose Tigers if you don’t mind me asking?

She was on love island last year and her dad is an ex England footballer. I actually used to follow DK before she was on tv and he still had a photo with her on instagram from a ski trip they went on. Her mum still had quite a few photos of him too. But when she went on the show everything had gone, so they’re still friendly enough to ask for things to be deleted. It is also why I found the recent rumours about her and LRZ dating being so entertaining🤣 She has a type!

You really do own the perfect nickname now gossipanon as we both were unaware of all these and for someone who doesn't follow much you know more than us 😭

Tell me about it that match to escape relegation was so stressful 🙃 and it made me believe how much George cared about his club because like he said himself he could have left but he sticked even in the tough time and helped develop the tigers cubs , no wonders he is packed up with Jack again by Steve.

Oh noooo Saracens 😭 reputation + Owen + They sacked Jeff...

Good question , I feel for Toby in England camp and went naturally for Tigers but I sticked because they had also Ben youngs and I was a fan at the time. Made a lot of friends through rugby so since it was because of Leicester it was my club, I learned a lot because they always had one of the best media content on display in terms of quantity for sure. So you felt always very involved with the players and the club. I also had my dad promising he would travel with me to see Toby so Leicester always felt special and when Toby left, I first sticked with George but when George left I couldn't really enjoy their new club fully so I stopped and only stayed to watch one or 2 rugbymatchs / year on telly and only was involved with England team not club. I had a pause during Bath-Toulouse era a bit yeah...

But do you want to read something terrible? For the first time in 10+ years I think Because of Jack I think I would be able to switch team if he was leaving. He gave me so much and the others have already left or retired anyways .. That is also why I do not have any problem of rivalry with saints because I am dedicated to the players not to the badge , I am driven by the players I support only. It doesn't mean I do not like the club, stewards especially are BRILLIANT at Leicester. I Think the family label is fucking bullshit tho. Some people used it to me and then turned their back instantly the first second I had constructive criticisms against my own club. 🙄

They are not perfect but I like what they are doing at Leicester for sure! Academy is incredible and give a real chance to players. The documentary of rugby pass was so interesting for that. Have you ever seen the range of our merch also ???

Anyways Saracens or not if you come to Leicester let me know ♡ got some good address as well.

I do love a girly glam day out too 🤣 I am a bit shallow on some points (not saying your sis is tho)

Never had any sunday roast but I would love having rugby and that as a family gathering.

Yeah I saw she was still following him! Oh ok what on earth 😱 I am happy jackjack prefers non celebs it would add some salts to the wound otherwise. I really do not like showbiz stuffs and how DK looks a lot like a boy into NFT , bitcoins, easy money 🤑 look at his follows... The more I know the more he disgusts me tbh.... 😖😖😖 sorry.

[xx-neon]

june 12th

hi 

i wanted to start writing because i feel like itll help me in some way, ive never really said anything i think or feel. i never really say anything at all. 

if for some reason someone who isnt me reads this im sorry. itll be a lot of word vomit and just generally unpleasant so maybe dont read all of it lol. im going to try and not use lol beacuse i do that to lighten the mood.

anyway.

yesterday before i went to work i had this really strange feeling. it was this weird sense of nothingness and everything? i feel like thats how people feel before they die. like a weird calmness. i felt comfortable and okay with everything. so i felt nothing really when i googled if hanging yourself hurts, i have a rope and everything but i just wanted to make sure i wouldnt feel any more pain. in my head i thought it would be kinda like a slap to the face if i wanted to kill myself because of the pain and then the last thing i feel is pain ha. 

anyway. i got really annoyed when all the results were for the suicide helpline. numbers to call, resources, texting lines everything. i just wanted to know. but then i gave up. as usual. 

all day yesterday i was just planning on when id do it. i wanted to pick a good day. i remembered that i have to clean my apartment first, make sure my cat is fed, but then my friends birthday is coming up and i wanted to wish them a happy birthday, and i had plans to hang out with my friend, and then after that i had plans to hang out with another of my friends. i realized maybe im too busy to die and i really didn't want to disappoint anyone. so i just gave up on that thought. (i did see my friends i was supposed to see yesterday, and this guy bought my food and drinks which has never happened before which was really nice) 

idk how i got here honestly. ive tried suicide before but obviously im writing so that didnt work. but before was different. i just went for it. i didnt think about it. i didnt plan anything i just went 1,2,3 go. i mean, i know how i got here. myself. if i wasnt such a fucking people pleaser maybe I'd have enough balls to be in a better place. 

my ex and i officially broke up last week, and thats kinda where it all started. i know it sounds stereotypical but i dont want to die because of the breakup but because of the feelings that came after it. i really wanted to break up. it was my idea in the beginning. but it took him forever to just say “yeah i dont have any feelings so this is it”. it was like my ego took a flip. ive actually have never had someone say that to me. that sounds really uppity i know. but its true. in my head i thought “after all i did for you thats how you end it?”. and i really ruined my life for this guy. i quit my old job i did hate it tho, moved away from my friends and family, he got into an accident so i used all my money to take care of him and had to take off work, drove him everywhere bc he couldnt drive, etc. and what did i get in return? he cheated on me twice, treated me like shit, slammed a door in my face so hard it broke my glasses, tried to hit me. the relationship was so bad all im left with is alcoholism and an eating disorder. so honestly, good riddance. 

he left me in a really, really bad place. i have to figure out where to live now since he just up and left. i dont have enough money to live on my own anymore. tbh i dont even want to write about it since it stresses me out so much. so i wont. ive just been drinking and going out to distract myself. not from him but like i said, the feelings that came after it. i want revenge, i want peace, i want him to apologize, i want him to never do this to anyone, and i just want to die. i dont have people to talk to about this stuff, i do but, i dont want to seem like an angry ex. i just want people to see the hurt that ive been through. i just want someone to tell me its going to be okay. that what i feel is normal. that people go through this all the time. i just want comfort. 

im sure if i actually told anyone about this theyd be like “but you have me!! you have your family!! you have people who care about you!!”. and yeah i do. but when youre so far down a hole, you dont see the light at the top, just darkness. and probably dirt lol. 

i cried for the first time today. since all of this happened i havent cried at all. my chest has been hurting so much since ive been holding it in. but the reason i started crying was kinda dumb. one of my old friends found me and reached out. he wanted to see how i was doing and what ive been up to. what was i supposed to say? “hey ive been horrible! just planning my suicide and and stuff ya know” but of course i couldnt say that so i just said ive been good. we caught up for a bit and thats when he said hes getting over a breakup that messed him up. so i took the bait and said yeah me too. he just said if you ever want to talk you can always call or text. so i just said thank you it means a lot and that things can only get better i guess. and idk why but thats when i started crying. he said 

“theres so much good to come” 

its so dumb but i felt like those words were just a giant warm blanket. especially with the head space that im in. obviously i could hear that from anyone. but hearing it from someone i haven't talked to in like 4 years meant so much more.

there are so many people who care about me. ive just been stuck dealing with my ex and only caring about what he had to think or feel. he never really cared about me like these people do. theyre concerned about me. they tell me to eat, they tell me theyre worried about my drinking, they dont want me to be out alone, they want to make sure im okay. 

so fuck my ex. fuck him and anyone who thinks hes a good person. hes such a manipulative piece of shit. no one really knows what ive been through. no one knows how hes left me. no one knows about the cheating. no one knows about the abuse. they know nothing. im sure hes talked about me. im sure hes told them how i have a hard time showing feelings. im sure hes told them.. i dont even know. hes probably pulled something out of his ass. and they probably feel so bad for him. i hope they do. and i hope one day they feel just as stupid as i do. 

i just had to get my anger out. 

but my friend is right i think. maybe there is good to come. ive decided to stick around to find out. 

[taeyamayang]

hahah yeap everyday unfortunately. on good days though it only takes about an hour 20 or an hour & a half so i cross my fingers & hope for the best each time lol 😄. it ends in August which seems long to me but i'm hoping these months will pass by in a flash 😆. other than the travel time, the work culture & environment is not so bad so i guess that's a plus, but, you never really know what life has in store for you ╮(︶︿︶)╭

i'm in mech engineering! it does include math but if im being honest not much of it is being used rn 😬🫣

congrats on graduating omg!! idk why but that is so you to be studying even after graduating and going to grad school. i wish you all the best and good vibes in your exams~

ahhh i took japanese lessons too! didn't get to finish it bc the classes were always full (╥_╥) i rmb getting excited every lesson bc it was a chance for me to show off my verymediocreveryelementarylearntfromanime pronounciation skills to my sensei ＼(＾▽＾)／ (yeah it nvr went well but she'll always say i did a great job👍😭). i hope you have fun learning the language as much as i did and maybe if i find the courage to pick up my notes again we'll be able to talk in 日本語 . . .(・・ ) ?. jokes aside, what's your favourite part about learning this language so far?

i've heard sooo many people talking about genshin lately. i'm not a big fan of rpgs (actually very bad at them) so i tend to observe from the side. what do you like the most about the game? and ofc i have to ask this, who's your favourite character?

as for me, i'm currently in love with yakuza 0! its my first of the series and i'm enjoying it to the fullest. i've been playing on the weekends to release some stress & it's the perfect antidote for me. i mean come on, it even has a karaoke and disco dancing minigame!

anyways, take care my love. remember to drink water and take your vitamins. you are loved <3

🌻 (p.s missed you too lol)

lmao its so funny that i was so shocked of your travel time when i suddenly remember that during my senior year i used to inter for a company outside the city so i literally have to cross borders before the crack of dawn which was wild bc how did i survive that?? anyway, it was just a month a half or two so it wasn't much. the job was okay too so fatigue all came from the commute (tho reading a book durinf a long ride kept me company, maybe you should try it to!) i'm glad that the work didn't add to your problems tho i'm sure you can handle anything thrown at you ;) and yes i agree, nature has its way of rocking our steady boats but im sure youll be able to cope and overcome it (if it gets too tough always rmbr that my asks is always open for rants!)

really?? i have this belief that engr have to solve math problems their entire lives and i just 😭 (i have math traumas, its speaking loudly rn lol) idk why too but "studying after uni and going to grad school is so you" makes me feel happy lmaooo. well, you are right that is so me ig i love keeping myself busy plus idk it may should rlly weird coming from me but... learning can be fun too 😭 i lit sound nerdy rn but who cares 😭

OMG REALLY! THATS SOOO FUN japanese people are very respectful so ig thats why your sensei always praises you or perhaps you were good. contrary, my sensei was sassy 🥶 lmaooo he points out mistakes and is very particular with pronunciation and clarity of words so when we recite in class it always gives me the nervesss. the only time i was able to connect my classes to anime is through the characters names like yuki means snow and yuki from fruits basket has gray-white hair and is deemed cold or yoru means night asa means morning and that shows the duality of yoru and asa in chainsaw man lol smth like that. WE SHOULD! lmaoooo tho i am not fluent in N5 i got to warn you ahead of time!! im not sure about my favorite part bc i enjoyed it sm lol i love learning languages, to begin with, so altho it gave me a high blood pressure whenever were to recite in class i enjoyed it sm heh how about you? あなたは 日本語 べんきょう たのしいですか。lololol

if you ever pick up genshin or smth YOU GOTTA TELL ME alright? cause im willing to guide you all the way and share the obsession lmaoo my fave characters... god theres A LOT but i mainly played genshin for zhongli and venti and later on liked itto tighnari and kaveh. you dont have to be good at rpgs bc coming from a no brainer in games, dude im surviving lol wait wait so yakuza 0 is a game? where do you play it? karaoke and mini dance games oooo that sounds interesting. tell me more about it and u might find a buddy

you are always so sweet. i hope the same and more for you too sunflower anon :)

take care! love seeing u here :D

[tiredcommunisstt]

at this point i NEED a therapist

But therapy would trigger me

Also got kicked out at 18 by my parents for the following: drug use, rebelling against them,

Not taking my medication

Dropping out of highschool

Refusing to go to church with them or eat dinner with them(thanks mom for the eating disorder that was so bad that I refused to eat dinner because I was usually scared I had already eaten to many calories anyway by eating at school or work or what not and it had gotten so bad over the years that I was basically convinced eating after 6,7,8 would cause immediate weight gain… was to the point that I was body checking so often I noticed (u know, evening bloat, morning skinny) somehow I had correlated that to literally eating food throughout the day was causing me to visibly gain weight. Thank u for creating a world where I was so closed off that I wasn’t talking about this to a soul, that I was too young and inexperienced with life to know that I had a nice body just probably could have dressed better but anyways thanks mom)

I’ll never forget the day I got kicked out. it was around the end of November. actually I had been given a second chance. I had turned 18 that year, a month later, no longer enrolled in school, my graduation was supposed to be that summer,

They handed me a card at dinner in my 18th birthday and it had 50 dollars and they told me they were giving me a month. a formal eviction notice or some bullshit. no car or license(they didn’t trust me to drive I guess when I was 16 so they never helped me or pushed me in that direction and almost used it to try to hurt me BEFORE I was even 16 they always said I wouldn’t be getting my license and bla bla, it hurt and I tuned it out. Decided. Fuck them. I didn’t care anyways so yeah I didn’t have my license, didn’t have any savings(wtf I was literally freshly 18 even tho I did start working right after I was 16 because they made me buy all my own stuff) anyways I tried to kill myself like maybe less than two weeks later. They told U OF M hospital that made me stay or whatever that they thought it was for attention bla bla. diagnosed with bipolar i think that visit. saw trump win the 2016 election while I was in my stay. (doctors took my side and pretty much shamed my parents and I won’t forget that either. The only nice part of a horrible situation. I’ve never forgotten ppl who stand up for me. random strangers. ofc I had already told them why I was there and how stressed and upset and hopeless I was.

My parents gave me a second chance

said I could live there with stipulations

Or whatever

had a job, not going to school( pay rent)

That was fine

curfew 11 pm

That was fine

Taking prescribed medications

That was doable

outpatient recommended therapy

2 times rescheduled

The day my mom like went to take me the third time she made me change my coat as wE were getting in the car becaus it smelled like cigarettes

Me not wanting to change because I had severe body dysmorphia and wasn’t even comfortable going and the only thing I felt comfortable in was my big ass winter coat she got me from Costco that covered my whole body and my stomach that I thought was so bloated. i got out of the car and like kinda threw a tantrum and stormed down the road and she said

“If u don’t go to this appointment you can find a new place to live”

And I kept walking down the street

And when I walked to the front door after the adrenaline had settled she said

they were gonna change the locks and my stuff would be packed up and put in the garage

I’ve never spent the night in that house since

And also I hate them

it broke me

i hate everyone and this stupid Fucking life I have to suffer every waking moment thru.

merry fucking Christmas

[destinygoldenstar]

I went through 8 whole playthroughs of Undertale. (This game is life changing)

You thought I would be more merciful in a game like this, and be a sweetheart because I like to give helpful (in my POV) advice in some of my posts. Right?

Wrong. Undertale was a TRIP.

I never managed a genocide route btw.

In my first time, I was completely blind to the story. That also left me vulnerable. See, I was a pretty frail misguided person from many betrayals in real life growing up. I had to learn there the hard way that it was either shout back or allow them to take everything from you.

You can probably tell where that mindset went in playing Undertale.

I didn’t know how to play the game. I’m really bad at video games. So I did what I was told. Flowey gave me the advice to kill to save myself, and after that little garbage tried to MURDER ME... yeah, had a point.

But Toriel was a, well, tu-TORIEL, for mercy on monsters. 

In the entire ruins, I didn’t see these monsters as threats. So I spared them. I locked myself out of the genocide route right away, so clearly, I can’t do anything consequential, right?

And then I ended up killing Toriel.

I kept trying and trying, but she just wouldn’t take me sparing her, and she was constantly telling me to ‘prove myself’ that people would ‘kill me’. It pressured me. I was scared of losing. Soon I thought there was only one option the game would let me do (emphasis on ‘thought’)

So, from Flowey’s advice on the matter, I thought killing was the objective. So it blinded me. I fell into a paranoia, and thought everyone was after me and trying to kill me. Undyne, Papyrus, Metaton, all of them. First move I made was to fight them.

Then what else was there? 

I will admit, Papyrus got to me emotionally, because after it was too late, I realized he actually didn’t want to hurt me, and wanted to understand me. (This was the only time I would ever kill Papyrus in all the times I played the game.)

But I didn’t turn back. I was weak. And I was bad at holding my own in games. So when a fight got too hard, I gave into my paranoia and killed them. Just to survive.

I got up to level 15 by the hall of judgement. (Because I didn’t grind, and from the ruins, I never would’ve made genocide anyway.) Damn, did San’s advice sink in. Especially when he spelled it all out. 

I was a bad person.

I was never killing out of self defense. I was killing because I knew I could resort to that. It all hit me like a truck.

Then at the end I blamed Flowey for influencing me in the first place. I chose to kill him. Even after all of that, I thought that was at least justified. 

Then Sans told me to burn in hell in the end, and that everyone’s lives were leaderless and worse.

A few months later, I decided to play again to try and make it a better ending. Because it was a bit since the first time, my memory was scrubbed from the trauma I endured the first time. 

My second and third playthroughs, my levels were a little lower each time, so I got somewhat better endings... 

But again, I killed several of those citizens. I wanted to play nice, give them a chance, but again, I couldn’t hold my own from the hard stuff... so I turned to the knife.

And I REFUSED to spare Flowey, because I hated him. Every time I was judged as a horrid monster for what I did, I was in an angry stage of grief. I blamed Flowey for making me do this. I thought I was justified.

My third playthrough specifically, I decided I would only kill those that, in my POV, were a problem. That they would hurt people if they were left alive, and their deaths would make the underground better. 

I SUCK. I know.

In my fourth playthrough, after I was recommended over and over again to actually recognize these ‘monsters’ as people, I actually put in more effort towards mercy. 

This is the first time I managed to spare Toriel. But I still killed her, and realizing my save power, I went back in time to erase that and finally succeed in sparing her.

Flowey remembered tho...

Rightfully called me a hack.

I actually got the chance to see regular ‘fights’ of monsters as creatures with life. I already knew at this point that Papyrus and Sans were chads, but now they actually wanted to hang out with me because I was killing significantly less. Even with Alphys, I started to get to know more. 

But with Undyne and Metaton, and especially Asgore, I still killed them. They were after me from the start, and until you actually spare them, you don’t really get to see more to them. (Unless you do Genocide, I guess. But I never did that.)

And in this playthrough, I was finally told about the mirror in the house. I didn’t know that even had a message in my first three times. 

So in my FOURTH playthrough, I finally read the famous quote. 

I took it as, “Despite my attempts to be better, it’s still me. Garbage, heartless, murderous, monstrous me, who can only feel strong when I take a life.”

I thought that mirror was one of those changed dialogues when you go back in time and they somehow remember what you did despite the memory loss the resets would give them. So I thought the game was mocking me there.

I didn’t even fight Asgore this time. I reset the whole thing.

I wanted to attempt a pacifist route. I wanted to give these creatures a happy ending. Not their lives becoming worse because I stepped into their lives.

(Kind of like in real life how I felt about myself, but with WAY less lethal context.)

So I tried hard to do pacifist in my fifth playthrough.

It was going smoothly at first. I was finally starting to see a new side to Undyne and how great of a character she actually is. I was actually bonding with the creatures like a normal person.

I failed.

See, at this point, I was kinda addicted to the game for the summer, so I lost quite a bit of sleep.

I accidentally killed one rando monster because of a button mis-press. I fell asleep in the fight and just clicked without paying attention to what I was doing.

I stupidly saved before I realized what I did.

Then I was STILL called a bad person for one accident in judgement. 

And despite my attempt to redeem myself with Asgore... there was no mercy button.

I couldn’t save him from Flowey.

(I said screw it. Die Flowey.)

At that point, and from my exhaustion, I was... drained from Undertale.

I strongly felt that the ‘you’ it was talking about in “Despite everything, it’s still you”, was resembling that ‘you’ were the monster. Not them. 

Despite your attempts for redemption, you could not be anything more than the monster.

In my sixth playthrough, I attempted genocide with this mindset. (This was about a month or two of a break from the game.) If I was gonna be the bad guy, I was gonna fulfill my role.

I forgot I had to grind. So a few monsters got away. And I could not have it in me to kill Papyrus or Toriel. So yeah, Sans had a point. I sucked at being evil.

I knew about the Sans fight in genocide by this point. So I was actually HOPING Sans would fight me just to kill me for what I did.

But he didn’t.

Despite everything I did, in SIX TIMELINES, he refused to fight me and kill me.

I didn’t understand it. Why would he do this?! If me, the player, died, everything would be okay. Maybe Sans was well enough aware of that being true... but he still didn’t want to fight me.

Damn, I wanted him to fight me though. Not so I could beat him. So he could beat me.

So after that, I finally didn’t have it in me to kill Flowey. Knowing that I fail as both a hero and a villain, I just didn’t have in me to blame this plant anymore.

Flowey didn’t commit all these evil deeds. I did.

When I finally showed him mercy, he didn’t understand me...

I remember saying to the screen when he asked why: “Because I’m the real monster.”

A few months gap, we were helping my grandparents move out to a different home, so there was no wifi in the house. My family really wanted me to stay out of helping, because I’m a weakling with nerd limbs. 

So I replayed Undertale for the seventh playthrough.

I was a REALLY depressed child in that game. I didn’t want to commit to anything. I was scared that if I touched someone, they’d die. I didn’t eat anything they gave me, (So I actually went through an entire game without any consumables) and I shut off my emotions to fight, just so I could survive. 

This was the playthrough where I spared the most times, in fact, Asgore was the only one killed. 

But it wasn’t a Pacifist route. Because I REFUSED to get close to ANY of the mains. I didn’t want to befriend any of them, and I kept my distance. I thought that if I tried, I only end up killing them. I wanted to spare characters that I saw as people I cared about, from my wrath and my instinct to fight back when fought against.

Coincidentally, this was also a playthrough I did when I felt the most alone and self destructive in my unhappy school life filled with bullies, rejection, and identity issues. I was told then I wasn’t good enough.

So... this playthrough gave the quotes I’ve seen before a whole new meaning. 

“Despite everything, it’s still you”

That was never talking about my bad side and my bad side only.

That was talking about ALL of me.

It wasn’t until that quote, where I realized I actually didn’t kill anyone this time. In my past playthroughs, where I both fought with, and acted towards the other characters, there was life there. There was a reason some of them were seeing good in me, the same way they saw bad in me.

I was a human being. I was never an angel, but I was never the devil, especially if I never went out of my way to destroy the entire world. There was hope in me since the very first playthrough. 

Yes. Cynical, emotional, meek, oddball me. 

I finally understood why Sans was sparing me all this time.

I finally understood how Flowey felt.

Sans was the guidance teacher I needed, but ignored when I needed him.

And Flowey was... in the same shoes as me. Why he felt so hopeless and self destructive when I spared him last time.

Especially when I finally paid attention to the story of Asriel. It wasn’t until after I reset this playthrough where I put the pieces together and realized what it tied to. 

Yeah, I reset the playthrough and didn’t finish. I wanted to make up for all the suffering I caused to the Undertale world by sacrificing myself to Asgore.

So I let him beat me and take my soul. 

I would later find out about the song “Secret Garden” and I listened to that on loop. It pretty much resembled what I was feeling at that last part of that playthrough when my character died.

It was also the Sans part of that song that stuck with me, as he was actually devastated to see me die like that, despite all that I did, and despite how much I was trying to avoid him that entire playthrough. He still cared about me.

So then about two or three months later, I finally come back. My eighth and final playthrough.

I knew right away what route I was taking. I was giving these characters the ending they deserved. The ending that I knew I was capable of achieving.

And I finally, after WEEKS of sweat, sleep depravation, and tears...

I successfully made the true pacifist route.

I don’t know how it is for people who managed to get the best ending first try, but for me...

The fact that I went through such hell just to get there made this route hit SO MUCH HARDER.

I finally redeemed myself from killing my new friends over and over again. I finally was able to not only bond with them, but apologize to them for what I did many timelines ago.

I was able to have as much fun with every detail of the world as possible, and how much life and character it has. From how dark the game was before, it became so much better to see in my eyes.

And I was finally able to apologize to Flowey, and understand him fully. I saw myself in Asriel, and all the bad stuff I had done, which he did. Learning about his story brought tears to my eyes seeing what I could have been capable of since the very beginning.

I still remember hugging Asriel like a mother clinging to a child. I was crying during this. The moment is already sweet if this was the first route you did, I’d imagine, but for me... it was the moment I knew I finally achieved redemption. I could successfully look after a helpless child and guide them with wisdom and kindness. 

I like to think sometimes that this last version of my player is actually a grown wise adult stuck in a childs body due to all the time travels they went through forcing them to never age physically. Mentally, they did age. Mentally, they went through a lot of heroing experiences that shaped their identities.

I don’t think I’ve ever sobbed at a video game’s ending any more than I have here. And I was already crying in a few of the playthroughs, and that was ugly crying and guilt.

But I finally gave not only the Undertale characters, but myself, a happy ending in this world.

Unlike a few curious folks, I actually listened to Flowey. I never reset the game after this. I didn’t want to TOUCH it again. I didn’t want to ruin these characters happiness.

If I wanted to see genocide, or any other outcomes to the story, I’d just watch YouTube videos.

I don’t plan on touching my game anymore, just because I wanted to prevent those characters from suffering ever again.

So yeah, that’s my Undertale experience. That’s how I got the true pacifist ending after EIGHT RUNS OF THE GAME.

This game is such a life changing experience. It’s harsh on you, and that’s genius of the game to do so! There’s also so many details you never see in ANY other video game, that’d also make the game worth it.

Don’t just watch videos and be done with it. Play the game yourself!

It’s gonna change your life. It did for me. I actually became so much more open to learning about people in real life, instead of becoming paranoid and letting my anxieties and the bad people’s attacks get the best of me.

I don’t often talk about content I think are flawless masterpieces because I’d just be repeating what other people have already said and better than I could. Yes I love Arcane. Yes I love Owl House. Yes I love ATLA. But any opinion I have on them are what you’ve heard a million times by other people. 

Besides, in Undertale’s case... fandom. That’s the whole reason I’m not posting too much about Undertale.

But in the game’s case, it’s something I think EVERYONE has to talk about at least once. Because it’s experiences are different for everybody. That’s what makes it special.

[theravencroft]

The Megafauna Of Ald-Amura for Sandy Pug Games Is Unintentionally Live

Well over a year ago, I accepted a grant from Sandy Pug Games to write a supplement for their game Monster Care Squad.

Monster Care Squad is heavily inspired by Studio Ghibli, set in a gentle world where giant creatures live with people and sometimes they get sick or weird things happen to them and the people try to take care of them. So like Princess Mononoke...without the violence. I think. I never really got Princess Mononoke, tbh.

Okay, new pitch: Totoro is sick with something weird and he needs your help.

Addendum: This isn't my usual thing where the sting is "and also they are horrors from the abyss that devour people for sustenance."

It's actually a lot worse.

It's sincere.

THAT'S REAL HORROR, BABY!

Anyway, my pitch literally included the phrase "heckin' chonkers" because I wanted to provide the players with some Big Fellas, Large Lads, and other big things to climb on and try to heal.

So imagine a giant capybara, basically a powerful god that is one of the oldest beings in existence, magically driven insane by ??? and thundering across the plain in a fury while your intrepid crew tries to hang onto it and play Dr. House and heal it.

They said, "Sounds great, send us a link when you put it out, here's some art you can use," and gave me some money.

And then I started grad school and then I suddenly had to evacuate to Tyler, Texas and then I lived in a hotel for a month and then I had to get moved into a new place and then my marriage exploded.

But anyway, as I heaved myself back into something resembling a creative process...look, there is one thing about me. I may be a dour pain in the ass, but I try to hit my deadlines. I try to complete my assignments. I try to deliver what I say I'll deliver. I think of myself as, in baseball terms, your #3-#5 starter, maybe not the flamethrower or the All-Star, but the guy that gets the ball every 4 or 5 days and when he starts games 3 and 6 of the Series the fans kind of relax because okay, he's got this.

My favorite players are Andy Pettitte and Mike Mussina. Really good, even some hardware, but probably Hall of Very Good guys in the big picture. But the real heads know.

I want to be clear that this is entirely my own damage and Sandy Pug never demanded anything or even said "Hey we gave you a few dollarydoos, are you ever doing anything?" Which they would've been right to do. But the money was long since spent. Like "yeah call this La Quinta Inn in Texas, see if you can talk em out of anything" spent.

But no, it is me that--sitting in a new apartment with nothing from my previous life save my car and my two cats--said "Well I just have to finish this thing before I work on anything else and that's all there is to it."

My original idea for this, painful tho it be to admit, was way over my own head, I wanted lots of big animals from all kinds of biospheres, just this massive compendium, I think I'd blocked out 75-100 animals.

So I cut it down to what I'd already worked on and a reasonable number of interesting animals.

But being a pretentious dork, I really wanted this to *feel* like it was a musty old book you found in a pile with citations like "It came to me in a dream" and "I heard from this guy who heard it from his brother so obviously it's incredibly reliable." Which required learning InDesign pretty much from scratch and a lot of time looking at scans of old books for page textures and whatnot.

I actually wasn't planning to put it out today, I was just going to upload the files and everything because normally DriveThru does manual approvals. But this has been one of those days where I just couldn't get in a *groove*, so when my publishing dashboard said it was live, I went "Okay, sure. Of course. Let's go. " Only I could somehow early release a game well over a year overdue.

So one year-ish later but also early, The Megafauna of Ald-Amura.

And even if you don't pay for it or play the game but you download it you will go "my god this absolute maniac made this readable but it still kinda smells musty". I think I did good there. Nailed what I wanted to do.

Get it here.

[bakidose]

— TOKYO REV ## RANDOM HCS

alternate title: tr men and random headcanons i have abt some of them

characters included: ran haitani / sanzu haruchiyo / hanma shuji / manjiro sano / baji keisuke / takemichi hanagaki

warnings: a bit suggestive / mostly sfw tho / crack cocaine for sanzu / humour / gn! reader / ooc maybe?? idk thats up to u to decide lol

a/n: these were the only characters i could think of hcs for off the top of my head shhh. n e ways weewoo my first official contribution to the tr fandom, enjoy :p

% SHUJI HANMA %

he's the type to fake bang you.

doesn't matter where you are, who you're with or what you're doing– the moment he sees you bent down, hes getting all up behind you and thrusting full force 💀

you've had to start kneeling and squatting down to reach for things instead after one incident. living in fear everyday that hanma may one day pull a bluff on your poor, vulnerable ass right in front of your friends and family 😟

"shuji PLEASE im trying to take this dish out of the oven"

"hm? sorry~. i cant help myself when you're all bent down like that just for me ♡ "

you burned your fingers and almost dropped your lasagna all over the floor

all he did in apology was pat your ass and said "it looks good babe 😘"

you still dont know whether he was talking about your ass– or the lasagna

probably both.

% RAN HAITANI %

he makes deez nuts jokes along with his brother rindou LMAO

thinks they're sooo fuckin funny. oh? your legs are broken? lol deez nuts are next 🤣

and whats worse is that rin backs him up too with a shit eating grin, both giggling like lil kids who just made a joke about poo

has never actually fallen for it whenever someone tries though

and even if it were to happen, you wouldnt know.

given the way he just stands there like 🕺 right after he finishes you off with his baton for humiliating him like that in broad daylight

rin: "🙄 cant believe you fell"

ran: "i didnt fa-"

rin: "for deez nuts."

ran: 😃

not only did he fall for deez nuts twice on that day, but he smacked a hoe with his baton twice too

hurt his ego knowing rindou pulled it on him without missing a beat

if you ever asked, it never happened <3

% SANZU %

ACTUALLY served crack before he served his country.

has definitely snorted cocaine off your ass crack to make things more exciting

though one time, you caught him snorting sugar off the kitchen counter. having temporarily taken away his coke stash after he kept waking up next to you high as hell

a credit card, 10,000¥ bill and nose all lined up to take another hit

"what are you doing?? you know you cant-"

"its not."

"huh? the hell you mean its 'not' 🤨"

"its sugar, princess. here~ try it"

"no thanks-"

told you to shut up as he scooped some up with his finger n stuck them in your mouth anyway

it was sugar.

he was snorting glucose up his nostrils.

"WHAT THE FUCK 😃."

you still think he mightve done it just to spite you since youre so worried about his health

you gave him back his shit after that

so it was either him high off the rocks or...yeah <3 he was definitely in a silly goofy mood that day

manz is actually deranged 🚹 middle child behavior if ive ever seen it

% BAJI KEISUKE %

never make a 'your mom' joke at this guy.

ever.

the first n last time some sleezy highschool kid tried to do it to a pre-k baji, they limped outta there the next day looking like they got mauled by several street cats

just never- dont. dont even utter a word about his mom unless youve been feeling alive'nt recently

you can talk smack about baji but never about his momma :<

ranted to peke j about it that night as he was falling asleep

"and i pummeled that asshole! right in his ugly ass mug 😤"

peke j: mrow

"no one!... can talk shit about my mom like that...*snores*"

peke j: mrow

% MIKEY %

still orders the McDonald's happy meal even as an adult

does NOT eat the apple slices :<

he's also another person who enjoys pulling deez nuts jokes on unsuspecting victims...or at least used to ://

*is busy munching on dorayaki*

"hey you know suna?"

"whos that? 😐"

"suna or later deez nuts gonna be in ya' mouth"

k.o'ed on sight. absolutely hates deez nuts jokes now after he fell for one.

draken laughs everytime he recalls it, and mikey refuses to answer any random questions since then

% TAKEMICHI HANAGAKI %

asked chifuyu one time after he did the devils tango with hina on their wedding night

if it was gay to think of another man during it.

"hey so i was wondering... is it gay to think of mikey while i was having sex with hina?"

?????

"huhhh 😕 takemitchy, man i– i mean..bros before hoes right? 😄"

"yeah!! youre right!"

both sat there in silence after

then hakkai walked in, holding his phone that still had mitsuya's now updated side profile picture as his lockscreen

takemichi cried that night 👍🏼

taglist: @katsukichu

© bakidose 2021 — all rights reserved. do not modify, claim, distribute, or steal my work.

[cinefairy]

im persisting for a new life. i live in a toxic household w an abusive family, and i don’t really have many friends at the moment. im sorry if you consider that a trauma dump but girl :(. —and i dont feel like acknowledging that im non satisfied rn will affect anything for me personally.

i’m not gonna want to hear “your manifestation is probably not appearing because you’re manifesting from a place of lack/desperation/impatience” from other blogs bc like no shit with these circumstances WHO WOULDNT FEEL THOSE THINGS? that shouldn’t stop anything.

its not the luxury clothing or iphone 12 that im worried about. i know the good life isn’t separate from me but yeah i do *need* a change to that reality ASAP!! like, today. i shifted to my desired reality-like into another house in a different country but it freaked me out so i tapped out. i want shit to appear “naturally”. anyway, ik you have maybe a vagely similar experience/past ??

maybe id like just like some motivation tho eiypo lmao im tryna soothe my human self and ill do other things to help w that too.

i dont want to vainly affirm or use anyyyy more energy to visualize. i dont want to try to convince or delude myself to knowing for a fact. i dont want to deeply relax into the void. i dont want to script. ive done everything i could ever do i know ive done WAY more than enough but i just desire it to appear now, nowww. im so determined but im still human and im tired. the power is within me ive proven it to myself many times. sometimes even tho u know something on a mental level, you still may not feel its a fact in your heart of hearts. thats my current assumption.

but girl i just needed to vent on that. im taking this spiel as proof it’s happening incredibly soon tho. now onto me contradicting all this with my desired self concept lmao. sorry its so long and i understand if you dont wanna post it.

TRUST ME! its okay to vent. its okay to feel your emotions, its okay- don’t ever keep your feelings inside of you for the sake of your manifestation, and i totally relate to how you’re feeling. you venting and releasing how you really feel isnt gonna do shit to your manifestation trust me.

i just want to acknowledge how you’re still so powerful!! even how shitty your life might seem you’re still trying and it makes me happy. from someone who has once been in such terrible circumstances, never give up. if i had gave up i wouldn’t be where i am rn.

1. STEP INTO YOUR POWER

i can already sense your power, i KNOW you’re amazing- i know you’re gonna manifest your desires and ik you’re gonna be okay one day. trust me on that, step into your divine power and know you’re 100% that bitch. mentally and physically because you are. go have self conversations with yourself on how AMAZING you are!

2. SELF CONCEPT

self concept is really important and ik you’re probably sick of hearing self concept too, but self concept really is the foundation of everything in life. self concept helped me in similar circumstances as you if that helps.

“i manifest so quickly and easily”

“nothing stops me from manifesting my desires”

“i love myself, i love what im becoming”

“i am strong, independent and amazing”

“i can easily manifest anything i want”

“i am a powerful manifestor”

“i am confident in my manifesting abilities and i know that my manifestation is inevitable no matter what”

3. KNOW THAT YOU CAN MANIFEST ANYTHING, NO MATTER WHAT.

ik a lot of people say you should ignore the 3D. now i believe you shouldn’t, i mean if you’re in the worst of circumstances..how can you? so just KNOW your manifestation is inevitable and its gonna be happen no matter what.

also you have SAID WHAT YOU WANT. meaning you dont have to do anything else but step into the knowing that your manifestation is inevitable.

[onp4012]

Pick a Card: Channeled Message From Your Future Spouse

Pick any photo/number from above to receive a message from your future spouse

feel free to suggest PAC ideas

Please like and reblog 〽️

The songs are the overall vibe they gave me while I channeled their message

©onenormalperson4012

masterlist

Pile 1

The Sun, The Star, Page of Swords, Death, 2 of Pentacles, 7 of Swords, 6 of Wands, 4 of Cups

“Heeeeeey gurl/boi, what’s uppppppp. You’ve been looking for me weren’t you, huh? Yeah, I’m not planning on coming towards you so soon lol, stay mad. I wanna live my youth to the fullest until I meet you. Look, I’ve been through some shit lately and I gotta pick myself up. There’s this douchebag/bitch who keeps on stressing me out and I fucking hate him/her. I had issues with myself. I realised how childish I am and tbh, I’m not willing to change anything. I’m happy with myself. I wouldn’t wait for myself the way you do lmao. Stop waiting for me. We’ll meet at some point, but not now. Wait a year or two or maybe even 5 (wtf). I’m a sNeAcKy son of a beech. I’m not gonna apologise for the lack of seriousness I have right now since I know you don’t give a fuck anyways. You know I’m joking, right? Yeah you do babygorl/babyboi. If you don’t, stay mad, lmao. I am gonna enjoy some time with my friends and you —… idk, do whatever you’ve been doing. I’m not searching for you ‘cause you’ll come anyway. Let me grow up a little. How’s your mama doin’ btw. Yeah, I don’t know what else to say. Anyway, I’m not gonna say anything besides “kisses and see you later” so byeeeee.”

Y’all this person is really funny. I had to stop writing because of laughing. They are really funny istg. They can literally be a living meme. I heard “me’s a very freaky girl” HAHAHAHA wtf is wrong with this person. They don’t take life seriously so I don’t think you should. They keep on making me thinking of fucking memes. Damn. Even the song I hear is funny lol. They can be an ESTP/ESFP. They give me that vibe lol.

—————————————————

Pile 2

King of Wands, The High Priestess, 7 of Swords, The Devil, 6 of Cups, 8 of Swords, 2 of Swords, 10 of Wands

“I…am anxious. Really anxious. I am normally a strong and steady person but at the moment I feel like I cannot be myself. I’m feeling trapped, I can’t speak. I’m pulled in all directions. I don’t want to do anything. I’m afraid to risk everything I have. Look, I love you. I dreamt you and I love your energy, but I am extremely scared of something. I don’t feel like speaking right now. I can’t find my words. I’m sorry if I’m not what you expect. I’m sorry if I don’t sound romantic enough. I’m too stressed and I don’t know you yet. I mean, I haven’t met you but I know you because I’ve met you through dreams. I feel like I have something stuck in my throat. I kinda lack confidence at the moment. My voice sounds so bad. I hope you can’t hear it. Okay, I can’t say anything more, I’m feeling like I’m questioned by the police.”

Your future spouse seems stuck in a toxic situation. They might’ve recently went through a trauma or are currently going through a trauma. I currently feel like I have something stuck in my throat. They might be in a toxic relationship and they are too afraid to get out of it, especially if they’re a woman. Some of them may face abuse in family. They might be even depressive. I would recommend you to pray for this person’s well-being. It will help them

—————————————————

Pile 3

9 of Wands, 6 of Swords, Ace of Swords, 8 of Cups, 10 of Swords, Justice, 8 of Swords, 10 of Pentacles

“Oh, hi. Nice to see you. I’m going through a massive change in my life right now. I wouldn’t say I can’t carry it, but it’s of course difficult. I mean, yeah. Change is change. I have my family with me at least. I love them so much. They’re great people. I’m a bit scared since I did face some changes in my life and they left me stuck to the ground lol. Like a fly. I’m someone strong tho and I can handle it. I know my value and I know I can take it. You’re my future spouse so I’d like to tell you what I’d like in life. You’ll find out anyway, but why waste 2 minutes in the future? So—…I want to have a family. I want to have a beautiful family like my parents have. I need some time to change tho. Give me some time please. We’ll meet when I’ll have time for that, but don’t worry, I’m not gonna forget about you. I really want that happy ever after thing from Shrek and I know I’m gonna get it, but still, I wanna let you know since you seem more pessimistic than me haha. Ah, I’m tired. Talk to you later.

Man, this person is physically and mentally tired. I’ve been yawning since I started doing this reading. They seem kinda calm for the cards. They’re good at keeping their horses lol. They react very good under pressure. Their family sure raised them psychologically healthy.

—————————————————

Pile 4(tw)

The Emperor, 9 of Swords, 4 of Cups, 5 of Cups, 5 of Pentacles, 7 of Pentacles, Queen of Wands, The Hanged Man

“Hey, I’m yo’ man/woman. You said you wanna get a message from me, right? Look, I do have some financial issues at the moment but don’t worry about me. How are you tho? Did you overcome that ED? Did you make your voice heard again? Did you started to love yourself already? I hope you did. I’ve been thinking about you for a while. I really need a little bit of hope that someone loves me. If not my friends then who. I believe you expect me to tell you how I see you in the stars and all, but I’m not that type of guy/girl and I don’t have anything romantic to tell you… The only thing I’d like tell you which you could call “romantic” is that I want you to know I’m not dating stupid people and if I’m gonna marry you, be sure you’re a smart one because I hate blank people with no personalities. I like wearing blue as well, I don’t know if you care. I love wearing blue fr. It’s my favorite color. Goodbye 👋🏻 “

Your future spouse seems to go through some hard times regarding their finances. They seem very selfless bruh, like, they really believe they’re made out of stone. They want you to be patient with them. They’re someone strong and patient who loves blue.

—————————————————

Pile 5

3 of Cups, 3 of Wands, Strength, The World, 4 of Swords, King of Wands, 3 of Pentacles, The Hierophant

“Helloooo beautiful. How are youuuuu? You have no idea how happy I’ve been lately. I’ve finally had time to chill and relax and have fun. I’ve been working A LOT, you got no idea how much I worked my ass this year. Now I’m finally enjoying the vacation I deserve. I had time to develop myself spiritually. I’ve been listening to music, do you like rock and jazz? I had no idea rock could’ve been so calming. Heard of Linkin Park? All I do now is take a deep breath and exhale for fucks sake. I AM FREE, I can do everything. I’ll finally have time to work out how much I want and learn how much I want and what I want. I felt a bit detached lately from my spiritual side and I’m sorry I didn’t connect with you, but I literally didn’t have the energy to do so, plus, I’m not really the type of person to believe in lovely-dovely fairytales. Right now I’m having a drink with some friends. I’d invite you too but I don’t know who you are yet. I just told one of my friends about you and they don’t believe me when I tell them what kind of person I’d like to spend my life with. They’re like “oH BuT mIcHAeL U dOn’T KnOw tHeM yEt”, man, fuck them. Anyway, luv u, bye bye”

Your future spouse’s name could be Michael or something like that haha. Michael/Michelle or Richard, Mary, Jane or Marko or Vlad. Something like that. It’s not mandatory of course. Only 2 or 3 people can relate to this. This person seems feel free to let their guard down. They are very calm and they feel free to do whatever they want.

—————————————————

I hope it resonated and I’ll be continuing to do pick a card readings and I’ll see you next time. Bye bye