#but at some point he didn't have time for scout stuff anymore & by now the scouts in our town have stopped existing completely. so.

[liebelesbe]

I miss having a "making fun of each other and pushing each other around (affectionate)" friendship :(

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Hey I live you stories. You are the only one giving me the Eihtric that I need. I had an idea that this could be during Skmd since Sihtric is gone scouting and stuff all the time when he comes back his wife is sad and thinks he doesn't want her anymore since their kids are gone and they have aged. I need regular domestic life since they have us nothing.

Warnings: mention of violence, child death, and overall my bad comedy attempt?

Pairing: Sihtric x you (f)

Summary: Sihtric was scouting the lands day and night during times of peace, making you wonder why. Maybe he simply didn't want to be around you anymore, and maybe your marriage was perhaps falling apart.

Word count: 2.6k

Note: first of all: thank you so much!!! and second; you didn't give me a whooole lot to work with, so I just followed my trail of thoughts! And honestly? I need this to be a bonus episode. also, fun fact: I had written 5 pages before I wrote this one, but the other fic was incredibly heavy and depressing and I wanted to share something lighter. The other one is not finished, and never will be I guess, but I may post it at some point if I feel the need for sadness :)

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @heimtathurs @bubbles-for-all-of-us @andakth

'I think he is still stuck, lord.'

****************

Sihtric had been quietly watching you for minutes, unbeknownst to you, while he was seated at the wooden diner table, where he took place after he had returned from yet another day of scouting the lands. He watched your back as you were preparing dinner, softly smiling at your figure and your movements as you did so, which he loved so much. But Sihtric's faint smile quickly made place for his signature brooding look, when he got a glimpse of your face. Your beautiful face, Sihtric thought, was taunted by a certain sadness and it had been so for days already. But you never mentioned anything, so Sihtric felt it was best to give you some space. He worried that you were mourning again, and rightfully if so. 

Shortly after Uhtred had reclaimed Bebbanburg, thus bringing peace to the surrounding lands, Sihtric became the Lord of Dunholm on his own accord. You and your children had moved with your beloved husband to Dunholm, where you had lived happily for some years. Until one day Death arrived, disguised as a horrible sickness, taking your children quietly in the night after weeks of struggle. It had been a grave loss, leaving you and Sihtric heartbroken for years. Slowly but surely you both managed to move on and tried to find your way in life again. You had mainly good days now, but Sihtric also knew you still had bad days. And as the death day of your children was approaching, he could understand your sadness. However, it had been many years ago now, and the past few years you had been dealing well around this time of the year. So he feared something else might be at play, but he didn't know what.

Sihtric sighed as he looked at you, licking his lips and brushing one hand through his shoulder length loose, dark and wavy hair before he got up. He walked over to you, but took a step back again, doubting if he should approach you the way he wanted to. Sihtric wanted nothing more than to pull you in his arms, pick you up and spin you around, making you giggle like you always would when he did so. But he felt it was wrong of him to do today, he did not want you to think he was blind to your sadness. He stepped closer again, and another two steps back, almost anxiously biting his lip before his love for you took over, forcing his feet closer to you and causing him to sneak his arms around your waist from behind. He did it gently, not wanting to startle you, and when he felt you allowed his touch he leaned his cheek against your temple.

'My love,' Sihtric said. His voice was soft, smooth and deep, as usual, still making your heart flutter whenever you heard his accent. 'What troubles you?'

You sighed quietly, closing your eyes and just enjoying his embrace for a moment before you turned around and tried to speak.

'D-do you not love me anymore?' you looked up at him with big, sad and frightened eyes.

Sihtric looked down at you in his arms, confusion and worry in his duo coloured eyes as a frown slowly appeared.

'What makes you ask such a thing?'

'Do I… do I bore you?' you stammered, worried, 'have I not aged to your liking? Can I not please you anymore? H-have you… h-have y-you found some-someone else?'

Sihtric's eyes darted over your face, shaking his head faster with each question you asked.

'No,' he said calmly yet concerned, 'my love, never. No.' He paused, trying to find the right words while he took your face in his hands. 'You could never bore me,' he whispered, 'for no one is so full of life as you, and no one could ever make me laugh like you do. And no one is as beautiful as you, no one, my love. No one. I swear it,' Sihtric touched his Mjölnir pendant quickly, 'and if you fear your beauty is leaving you as age comes, then what on earth is to become of me, sweetling? I already am an ugly bastard now, imagine me in 10 years,' he smiled softly and his heart skipped a beat when he saw you chuckle lightly.

'Sihtric,' you whispered with a soft smile, 'you become even more handsome with age, don't be foolish,' you rolled your eyes at the stunning man you had married, 'in case you don't believe me, go outside, and see how every woman in Dunholm looks over her shoulder as you walk by, Lord,' you smiled shyly.

'Is that so, my love?' Sihtric smiled cheekily, 'well, then perhaps, as a Lord, should I make a public announcement? Should I gather all the women at the town's square?' He tilted his head playfully to the side as he pulled you closer. 'And make it known to every lady in Dunholm how well my wife pleases me?' he gave you a sly smile, 'should I tell them that my beautiful wife pleases me so well that, ever since I've met her, I never had any reason nor desire to let my eyes or my thoughts wander to another?'

You smiled shyly and directed your eyes away from his and down to his broad chest, looking at the hammer pendant which rested upon his dark tunic, remembering how the gods had truly favoured you for they had given you Sihtric.

'No,' you giggled softly.

'No?' Sihtric's tone became mischievous as he nuzzled your nose lovingly, 'then perhaps, instead of a boring talk, maybe should we demonstrate it?'

'Sihtric!' you laughed and slapped his chest.

'My love,' Sihtric chuckled still, taking your hands in his and placing them onto his chest, on his heart, and he became serious again, 'what makes you think such foolish thoughts?'

'You are just barely home anymore,' you admitted, 'all you do these days is go out and scout the lands, and some nights you don't even come home. Only to show up the next day with a few bruises on your face. And… you braid your hair too, when there is no battle. I don't know where you go, what you do or where you sleep. Or with… with whom you share a bed,' you said quietly.

'You are the only one I share a bed with, I swear it,' he touched his pendant again, 'and you are the only one I wish to share a bed with. But it is true,' Sihtric continued, 'I am away from home a lot. And I apologise for that, I never meant to give you any doubt about my love for you. It is just that…' Sihtric paused and looked up, carefully considering his words for once, 'I- I am struggling.'

'Why? With what?' you asked, your fingers curling around the neck of his tunic to draw him in, 'tell me.'

'I scout the lands so often because I hope to find trouble,' he placed his hands on your waist as he admitted his reasoning.

'Trouble? I don't understand. I-I thought the lands are at peace. What kind of trouble?'

'Any kind,' he scoffed lightly, knowing how foolish he was sounding right now, 'but I mainly hope to find someone to fight. Anyone. I picked a fight with a farmer near Bebbanburg last week.'

'What?' 

'I miss the battles, my love,' he sighed, resting his forehead against yours as he continued, 'yes, the lands are at peace. And yes, it is what I always fought for. But now… I don't know what to do with myself. I miss the bloodshed, the adrenaline, the victory. I miss the sound of swords and axe blades crashing on wooden shields. I miss the feeling of swinging an axe into a man's skull and…' Sihtric looked up at you as he spoke, and stopped immediately when he saw your grimace, 'I'm sorry,' he whispered, feeling awkward for oversharing.

'No, I understand,' you cupped his cheeks, 'I do, my love. I know how eager you always were to fight. And it was a life you were simply used to and were raised to love. But there have to be other ways to deal with this than picking fights with… with farmers?'

'I am not proud of it either,' he rolled his eyes before he looked at you again, 'but that is the reason I sometimes come home with bruises.'

'And what is the reason you stay out all night?'

Sihtric stared at you, intensely, and he shrugged slightly. Like a little boy who wouldn't admit he drank all of dad's ale.

'Sihtric,' you said sternly, raising an eyebrow, 'where do you sleep if not in our bed?'

'In the woods,' he mumbled.

'What?'

'In the woods,' he said louder, ashamed.

'My dearest,' you scoffed, 'why, by the gods, do you sleep in the woods?'

'Because that was the way we slept when we'd battle. Sometimes in barns too.'

'Gods,' you sighed, 'but you sleep alone then I hope?'

'Sometimes,' he mumbled again, but you heard him loud and clear.

'Sometimes?' you snapped, 'then who is it who sleeps with you sometimes?'

'Finan,' Sihtric said, looking guilty for ratting out his best friend.

'Finan?' you stared at Sihtric, the gorgeous but absolute fool of a man you had married, 'Finan sleeps outside in the woods or in barns with you? And what else? He watches you pick fights? He riles you up? Making you do stupid things?'

'No, we pick fights together.'

'Oh,' you feigned to be impressed, 'two previous warriors picking fights around peaceful lands with poor farmers.'

'We are still warriors!' Sihtric said, offended, 'and we don't always pick fights with farmers!'

'Of course not, how silly of me, my dear, who else do you fight on your little play pretend stake outs?'

Sihtric mumbled something inaudible.

'Sihtric?' you said sternly again, 'speak up.'

'I said sometimes we just fight each other.'

You looked at him for a while, at a complete loss for words.

'Does Ingrith know?'

'No,' Sihtric looked down at his feet.

'Does Uhtred know you and Finan are riling up people in peaceful lands?'

'No,' he mumbled.

'Well then I think it is time we visit Bebbanburg, don't you agree, lord?'

******************

Sihtric had been acting like a man child the entire journey to Bebbanburg. He dragged his feet into the fortress behind you and followed you up to Uhtred's hall.

Uhtred's face lit up when he saw you, and he came running to give you a hug.

'Is Sihtric treating you well?' he smiled.

'Well enough,' you winked.

'You look well, that makes me happy,' Uhtred said ever so kindly. 

When you glanced over Uhtred's shoulder you saw Finan, who smiled at you as he always did, but you gave a mean stare to which he frowned.

'Sihtric,' Uhtred said sternly when he saw your husband trying to hide behind you, 'what is it I hear of a rumour that a man with your description has been taunting a farmer on my land?'

'My, of what do you speak? It surely cannot be,' you gasped overdramatically and looked at Sihtric, who wouldn't look anyone in the eye but Finan. And Finan, by hearing the tone in your voice, knew you were there for a reason he'd rather not find out. So he quietly grabbed his cup of ale and snuck away from the table when you and Uhtred had your back turned to him.

'I do not know what you speak of, lord,' Sihtric lied, his eyes darting between you, Uhtred and his own feet. But he felt pressured, and he could not lie to Uhtred and neither to you.

'Sihtric?' Uhtred said threateningly.

'It was Finan, lord!' Sihtric said quickly, which caused a loud thump behind you. You and Uhtred turned around to see Finan crouched down behind the table, as he had tried to silently sneak away but had bumped into a chair.

'What of my husband?' Ingrith asked, having heard Sihtric as she had walked in.

'Ingrith,' you smiled, and greeted her with a hug.

'Finan taunted the farmer?' Uhtred frowned and looked back at Sihtric.

'No! No, he did not!' the Irish man was quick to defend himself.

'He what?' Ingrith asked, confused.

'Sihtric?' Uhtred said again, 'tell me the truth, now!'

'Finan, lord,' Sihtric spoke faster than he could think, 'we scout the lands together often and one evening we had too much to drink and we found a farmer, who- who… we just wanted to fight. We wanted to battle so we, I… I said I had come to reclaim land and his… his chickens.'

'And his baby goat!' Finan said.

'And his baby goat, yes,' Sihtric admitted, 'and so we waited… you know, with- with his chickens.'

'Aye, and the baby goat.'

'And the baby goat, yes. We waited just outside his fence until he would fight us. But- but he didn't. Well, not really, not that I remember.'

'Lord,' Finan said, 'the farmer had hit Sihtric over the head with a pitchfork. So I pushed the farmer into the pig's shed, and I locked it.'

'I think he is still stuck, lord,' Sihtric said.

'Aye, the poor bastard might be.'

'What happened to the animals?' Uhtred asked.

Sihtric and Finan looked at each other. Sihtric opened his mouth to speak while Finan gave him a warning and shook his head.

'Finan took the chickens, lord,' Sihtric said quickly, 'I have the baby goat in Dunholm.'

'Ya bastard!' Finan yelled.

'The chickens?' Ingrith asked, 'the chickens you said you had rescued?'

'Aye,' Finan coughed.

'And I assume this is the same baby goat you told me you had rescued?' you asked Sihtric.

'Could be,' he mumbled.

Uhtred looked at Finan, then at Sihtric, then at Ingrith, then at you, and then at his own feet as he placed his hands on his hips. He scoffed, then he chuckled and then he bursted out in laughter and walked out of the hall.

You told Ingrith everything Sihtric had told you, to which she told Finan off and thanked you for making her understand where her husband went all the time. And you told her you had the same problem with Sihtric. Uhtred came back later, hearing you and Ingrith out, and he forbade the men to taunt innocent people again, but they were free to fight each other. Which you and Ingrith did not agree with, but Uhtred did not care, then he told the men they should hump their wives more and laughed again as he left.

***************

It was already late when you had arrived in Bebbanburg, so Uhtred gave you and Sihtric a place to stay before you were to travel back again by morning.

'You never change, do you?' you smiled at Sihtric, who was taking off his clothes to join you in bed.

'I fear not,' Sihtric smiled, after you had told him off for his behaviour, but knowing you also loved that side of him, which you would never admit. 

You watched as he got in bed and climbed on top of you, enjoying the sight of your husband's muscular body above you. He leaned in to kiss you softly and your hands trailed over his chest without hesitation.

'Now,' Sihtric smiled as your noses touched, 'I'd like to be pleased by my wife.'

'Oh,' you teased, 'I don't know about that. You haven't behaved man enough lately for such things, have you? You have behaved rather boyish. And here I thought my husband was a lord,' you shrugged.

'That is what you think?' Sihtric asked, sitting back up as he looked down at you, 'have I not been man enough for you?'

You crossed your arms, looking unimpressed and sighed as if bored.

'Okay,' Sihtric chuckled, pulling you up by your hands and mounting you on top of him as he laid down on his back, 'then perhaps the Lady of Dunholm should remind the lord how he needs to behave.'

[ilylovelyz]

see you again (can i get a kiss?)

pair : levi x fem!reader

warning(s) : angst with a happy ending, major AOT spoilers, mentions of character death, hint of pregnancy, mention of wounds, some of this stuff might be wrong 😭 i wrote this at 1:20AM after getting back into AOT like literally the evening before so lets say levi and y/n were in the building in the midst of all of this okay 😴

word count : it's short idk

"no." he said sternly.

you weren't surprised to his negative response. "are you a moron? why would i want you to come onto a shot flying boat, AND we don't even know if this plan will work." he emphasized.

"look y/n!" he pointed towards the mighty titans that are getting closer each second. he had to pause to point them out to you - everyone was in a frantic rush, trying to repair the boat, trying to give fuel to said boat, trying to come up with anything to just give them a few measly extra seconds.

despite his injuries, he grabbed you roughly by the shoulders, his strength may be exhausted, but he is still way stronger than ever. "y/n, this is no time to be dwelling in your emotions right now. for your sake - and it isn't an option, you are going on the boat." he said sternly.

despite the chaotic situation around the both of you, he still took that tiny opportunity to look you in the face just for a few seconds. he did that a lot. so boldly. thats what you loved about him; his bold and (sometimes annoying) arrogant personality.

"levi.." you murmured. "i just want to be with you." looking up from the floor, you finally looked at him dead in the eye. despite his death grip on your shoulders, and the harsh lecture he just gave you, for once, you saw the stress and concern in his eyes. following your words, he loosened his grip.

it's like the mess around you froze. you wish it froze. you just wanted to be with levi. why was that so hard? why is it that when you and him finally can be together, he has to go away again?

it was silent between the two of you, but that didn't last for long when the building began to viscously shake due to the titans who were basically on your doorstep. multiple thoughts raced along your mind - you don't know what's going on anymore.

the loud rumble of debris being thrown as one of the titans slipped over another alerted everyone. they were here. you looked back at levi. your time with him was up. suddenly, he pulled you into a hug. hugs with levi were rare. any sort of PDA was rare. but it seemed in this "situation" it was calling for it. "i love you, y/n. don't be afraid." he said. his wounded hands were caressing the small of your back, lingering.

"Y/N! we have to leave!" levi pulled away, kiyomi was calling for you. you looked at levi once more, his hands were still on you, except one on your sides, one lightly on the lower, currently fragile part of your stomach. you leaned in for what could be a final kiss, but he backed away.

"no, you're not going to "kiss me goodbye." this isn't going to be the last time, so stop it." he scolded you. for once, you enjoyed his hissing of words. guiding you by your arm, he lead you a few feet to kiyomi and let go as you began to walk on your own.

levi watched you walk off, gathering with the rest of the scouts and hange, discussing what they could do to slow the titans down. it was when they devised to sacrifice hange did you finally turn back to look at him. everyone was beginning to rush back to the flying boat, levi was walking back too.

it wasn't until when you were walking down the steps to the boat did you, not even think, turn around and dash back to the building where the flying boat was preparing to disembark. you couldn't help it. even if you were going to see him again, you just needed a kiss, to know for sure that he will be coming back to you.

"levi!" you yelled, trying your hardest to run to him in time. ignoring the urgent calls of the already distressed kiyomi, and the frantic look that levi gave you when you almost got smashed by a flying piece of rock, you ran into levi.

being careful to not agitate any of his fresh wounds, you planted your soft hands on each sides of his face, forcibly bringing his lips to yours. despite his earlier attempts, he gave into your kiss, practically inhaling your scent and trying to get closer to you, bringing his arm around your waist.

giving into the final warnings of kiyomi and the others, you pulled away reluctantly. few tears slid down your already flushed cheeks, however they didn't make it very far as he did his best to bring his palm up to wipe them away.

"i promise to see you again." he swore. with that, you departed from the love of your life.

prt 2. (revamped.)

[ninjagirlstar5]

Ah, yes. My favorite asshole has now become the Ultimate Billiards Player.

Ngl, most of the changes with Syobai were either minor details or stuff I switched out. For starters, Syobai's original hair color, black, is much more prominent than in his original design. My thought process on that is that Syobai deals with a lot less stress since he's a billiards player, not a dangerous broker anymore but I'd imagine that he still deals with money problems as he needs that for just basic survival so he may not be getting enough nutrients/the stress is still affecting his body. But I've been recently told in a server that I'm in that Syobai actually dyed his hair?? Which is kinda funny cause that implies that he purposely makes himself look old. Regardless of whether it was the environment that he grew up in or just hair dye, Syobai probably wouldn't put too much effort into his hair regardless of his different lifestyle now. I kept his messy appearance as it's an iconic part of his design, with his shirt partially unbuttoned and untucked with the sleeves rolled up at different levels on both arms, his pants (which are more like regular jeans here) still rolled up to show his hairy legs, and his tie is loose like in the OG design but since the pinstripe vest I referenced from didn't have any pockets, it's not tucked away and is free to get carried away by the wind. The vest is also unbuttoned completely to help sell his casual, even lazy appearance. I replaced his sandals with sneakers and while I considered living the shoelaces untied, I decided Syobai wouldn't risk having a tripping hazard life that and would keep it tied. And I gave him a billiards player glove (which is something that provides a smooth and consistent stroke by reducing friction between your hand and the shaft). I also made the bags under his eyes a bit more prominent as I still see him as a tired, grumpy asshole. And here he is, Syobai the Ultimate Billiards Player!

Next up is Emma, and wow, so far she's the most changed when it comes to her swapped Ultimate Talent.

Honestly, I think Syobai's backstory would pretty much stay the same-ish up until he was searching for other means to gain money to survive when he realized that the small, petty jobs he was taking wasn't going to work out. He took to crime for a little while but on a whim, when he saw there were bets going on at a billiards table, he decides to try his hand at it to see if he can win some money through that, and ended up winning the entire bet after a few rounds. Realizing he could use billiards to earn money and as a way to keep himself off the streets, Syobai invested a lot of time in it and ended up becoming a really good billiards player to the point that he was scouted out as an Ultimate. Of course, since this is Syobai, he probably just sees billiards as a means to an end rather than having any kind of passion for the sport. He appreciates that the sport kept him from falling into a rabbit hole of crime before it was too late for him to back out, but he otherwise doesn't care that much for it. As long as he's able to earn money through it as a job, he'll keep playing until he retires. As for his other original skillsets, Syobai was still living in a very shady and dangerous environment even as a billiards player, so he probably pissed off a lot of bad people through his constant winnings and got in trouble for it. Perhaps even got his life put at risk if they were petty enough. So he'd still have a switchblade on him just in case anyone gets any ideas, and he would have a decent amount of medical knowledge, although it wouldn't be beyond first aid in this iteration of his backstory since he's just a billiards player, not a broker. I don't see him knowing any more than beyond that in this context. Due to living in this kind of environment, he's still the kind of person that would put his own life above all else, next to money since you can't live life without it, and often doesn't help others unless it would benefit himself in the short or long-term.

[thefabulous-mostgroovy]

If I Make it Through Tonight (Everybody's Gonna Hear Me Out)

Martin saw his first monster at the age of ten.

He saw his second monster at the age of twenty-eight, and that monster was his boss.

Jon/Martin, 4.6k words, rated T, read on AO3. This is for day 5 of @jonmartinweek for the prompt Cryptids. pls ignore that i completely forgot to repost this to tumblr lmao

Martin saw his first monster at the age of ten.

He was in Brownies at that age, amongst a group of girls who could tell he wasn't quite like them. The scout leader had been talking about a camping trip for over a year at that point, and finally managed to organise it at a local site. A few girls complained about the dirt and didn't like the smell of the campfire and the portaloo, but Martin stuck with a small group of girls who he found huddled around a flipped over rock, looking at bugs.

He doesn't remember most of the night, in all honesty. They did the usual stuff you were supposed to do when you go camping: stories, songs, s'mores. Nothing too exciting. Then they all went to bed in their lackluster tents and sleeping bags.

When Martin woke up, he didn't know what time it was. Just that it was dark and the campfire had been put out. The girls in his tent were all still asleep. Sitting up and pulling his jumper on, he carefully pulled the zipper on the entrance down and poked his head out. He couldn't see much but the vague silhouette of the other tents and trees.

The woods at night were quiet. Martin closed his eyes and listened to chirping insects and rustling bushes. He's always liked the sound of nature. He lived near a woodland with a park sitting on the edge and he would lie in the basket swing and watch the spaces through the trees. Sometimes he would see deer or rabbits or foxes, or once, even a badger. He didn't have a sketchbook, but he would take some printer paper and a clipboard and draw the animals and plants he saw. Not very well, mind you, but he would sometimes convince his mum to let him keep his favourites stuck to the fridge.

Martin was snapped out of his thoughts by a loud rustle in the foliage, and a hush fell over the woods. A true silence was left ringing in his ears and he turtled into the neck of his jumper. He vaguely remembers, from a walk through that woodland with his father, being told that silence is the most dangerous sound in nature; it means everything that could be eaten has run away, leaving only the thing looking for something to eat. He fumbled for his glasses behind him, not taking his eyes off the treeline, and shoved them onto his nose. It didn't help much, but it wasn't as blurry anymore.

Amongst the black, he saw something shifting, heard the sniffs of a large nose. Heavy, yet careful footsteps made their way through the bushes, and into the campsite. Now out of the trees, Martin could see it clearer.

The creature was enormous, hunched unnaturally on four legs and covered in thin, dark hair. The skin underneath was pale and covered in painful-looking stretch marks. The paws didn't seem like paws at all. They looked more like hands, with elongated fingers and harsh, ragged nails. It was almost person-shaped. Almost. The hunchback made it look like a man trying to walk on all fours, on his hands and feet, but it moved so fluidly, like it was used to it.

Until it stood up.

The thing rose onto its two hind legs, pushing at the portaloo with its knobbly hands, towering over the thing by easily two and a half feet. The small stall rocked back and forth, clattering as its balance was tested. It chuffed as it tried the handle with clumsy fingers, then moved on to investigate a tent.

Looking back on it, Martin knows it was a terrible idea, but his mind had filled with the awful image of this creature—this monster—getting into the tent and ripping the girls inside to shreds, and he simply acted in instinct. He blindly fished the wind up torch he brought with him out of his sleeping bag, and turned it on. The crank made an awful, loud clicking noise and the light wasn't very bright, but the monster still squinted at it.

Big reflective eyes stared at Martin, the lumbering body frozen in a startled turn. Its hair stood on end, teeth bared in its snout and stained with something dark, and it stared. It stared and stared and didn't move a muscle. Martin stared back, suddenly cold with fear. It raised a long, slender finger, the tip thick like a paw pad, the nail curled and yellow, and it held the finger to its lips. Like it was telling—no, warning—Martin to be quiet.

The light faded out. Martin didn't rewind it. He listened to the creature disappear back into the woods. He did not go back to sleep that night.

The first monster Martin saw, he discovered many years later, was a werewolf. And it sparked what can only be described as an obsession.

From that point forward, Martin found everything he could on monsters, ghouls, and cryptids. He found books in the library about Mothman and the Loch Ness Monster and Krampus, and checked them out, much to the dismay of the librarian. He copied the anatomical sketches into the jotters he took from the supply bin in school and proudly showed his teachers, who replied with a concerned grimace.

(To be fair, he doesn't blame them. He was this specky little eleven year old holding up drawings that might as well have been props from The Shining. He once heard a teaching assistant mutter 'Redruuum' behind the teacher he was proudly showing a picture of Bigfoot to, and she was quickly sent off with a glare.)

The interest only got worse as he grew up. He set up trail cams in his local woodland, he went on ill-advised camping trips to unregulated areas, he had a truly awful vampire phase in high school and is rather glad he's not still friends with anyone who would remember it. He started carrying around a camera everywhere he went, just in case, deciding that his top goal should be to finally get a picture of one of the damn things. But one thing truly takes the cake for the lengths he's willing to go to get that shot:

After dropping out of high school and needing to support himself and his mum, he made up a lie about having a master's degree in parapsychology and applied to the Magnus Institute.

Working at the Magnus Institute had been a total dream for Martin for a few years at that point. The idea of being completely surrounded with resources, with proof of the supernatural was all he could ever ask for! Of course, he applied to other jobs as well, but he had all his hopes pinned on the institute. When he got the interview, he was practically vibrating with nerves the entire time. The whole thing was a bit weird, Elias is definitely a bit of a freak who learned what a smile is from a WikiHow guide, but he did get the job!

And ended up in the bloody library.

Sure, having very easy access to every book you could possibly want on supernatural creatures is great, but zero access to the research department is not great. It also doesn't help that there are actually very few books on cryptids, and most of his coworkers thought they were a load of rubbish.

All in all, Martin does what he can before simply returning to independent research (i.e. Reddit threads. Grim). That is, until he got moved to the archives.

It's all he could have ever asked for: two hundred years worth of statements and research packed away into a maze of shelves where no one can see him rummaging around and taking notes on the book he hides in his desk drawer. A boss who doesn't seem to mind, if downright encourages, employees staying late, even if he is a bit of a dickhead about it (a very handsome dickhead, but that's a matter for Martin to think about elsewhere). And two coworkers who are truly entertained by Martin's Origin Story and hand him files to read on werewolves in America, and vampire killers. He swears he was only a little disappointed to find out that vampires are not as sexy as they are, according to Anne Rice.

This is all to say, Martin is finally going on another proper Cryptid Hunt.

Now, Martin has never set foot in a proper research facility, but he thinks he's onto something. Statement after statement has been cropping up about a monster roaming London in the night, that speaks in static and has dozens of eyes. It's like nothing Martin has ever heard before. He's determined to find it. He's got his digital camera, he has a torch and plenty of backup batteries, he has a Polaroid camera, just in case cryptids don't capture well on digital—which he assumes they won't, if the statements won't even record without the tape recorder.

Speaking of tapes, he'll need to find some blank tapes to record anything important on. Not that he thinks a Polaroid wouldn't be enough proof, he just- he likes the Lo-fi charm, alright? It's—as much as Jon detests the word—spooky.

It's not his first rodeo borrowing (stealing) the odd item for one of his hunts, but this time he's more nervous. Jon has made it very clear that Martin is on thin ice, especially after letting a dog into the archives and it causing a mess on the floor. So, he tries his best to be very careful when he picks the lock to Jon's door and stuffs a couple tapes into his satchel. It's all going surprisingly swimmingly until he runs into Jon on the way out after getting his coat.

"Martin?" Jon calls as he spots him. "Did you see anyone going into my office?"

"Mm, no," Martin says, like a liar. He's always been good at lying. That's not great for his character, but it is great for him getting away with everything.

"Right, I must have forgotten to lock the door, then," he mumbles. Jon has his coat on and his bag over his shoulder, which is odd considering Martin doesn't think he's ever seen Jon leave on time. He shows up early and he leaves late; as far as Martin knows, he could bloody live down here.

"Are you heading out already?" Martin risks asking. It's not that he wants Jon to work himself to death, but could he maybe start his self improvement journey when Martin isn't trying to walk out with stolen Institute property?

"Yes, I have, uh—" Jon waves a hand as he thinks, "—plans. I have plans. Shall we head out together?"

The suggestion throws him off, as do many things Jon does. He has these odd moments of treating Martin no different from Tim and Sasha, then the next minute going back to calling him useless. Martin tries to cherish the few and far between acts of kindness Jon dishes out, but he tends to ruin it with his face going bright red and starting to stutter and fumble with what he wants to say. Then Jon will usually side-eye him and tut and the moment will be over and Martin has failed to woo his hot boss once again and—

"Martin?" Jon interrupts, head tilted and brow furrowed.

"Oh! Oh, uh, yeah, sure, let's- let's go!" Martin lets out a nervous chuckle and Jon sends him an odd side-eye, and tuts, and sets off towards the lift. Martin curses under his breath and follows.

It's a little awkward in the lift, tense in a way that Martin is sure Jon doesn't feel. He clears his throat quietly.

"So, what plans do you have?" he asks, hoping Jon didn't actually intend on walking side by side in silence to the front door.

"Hm?" Jon raises a brow at him, like he's said something truly outrageous, then his eyes widen a little. "Oh- nothing much, just- visiting a friend from my uni days. Anything planned for yourself?"

"Not much." Martin shrugs. "Hoping to have a nice night in, you know?" Jon hums and nods a little as the lift sings and opens to the ground floor. The chit chat is idle and dull as they make their way through the dwindling crowds filtering out of the Institute, and they share curt goodbyes as they part ways.

_____

Martin triple checks his bag for maybe the millionth time: he has a camera, digital and analog, his phone, water, a few snacks, a torch, a loaded tape recorder and an extra cassette, and some basic first aid items. He has everything. It's time to set off.

The grass is dry and crunches beneath his feet as he makes his way into the woods. He tries to walk confidently, as if confidence is all he needs to warn off a thing that one statement said could most accurately be described as a fucking dragon. This is an impeccably stupid idea to begin with, so who cares if puffing his chest out makes him feel a little safer.

He ditches the path and wanders off into the trees, knowing how bad of an idea that is, and doing it anyway.

The light from the torch sends stark shadows streaking along the ground and up the trees, startling animals off in the distance, but no dragon. Martin knows it's not close because he can still hear the vague chitters of squirrels and insects. He walks slowly, carefully, because it's not going to be any help if he scares them off himself. He swallows as his nerves start to get to him. Maybe talking will take his mind off of it. He starts the tape recorder with a clunky click.

"Okay, erm... documentation of Martin Blackwood going Cryptid Hunting, because he's a bloody moron, tape one. I've found the area that a lot of these statements mentioned, it's a pretty popular walking trail, so hopefully this will come up with something."

A breeze sends a shiver down his spine as he checks all around him, pointing the thin beam of light through the spindly trees. His footsteps are light as he can manage, barely rustling the grass and fallen leaves. He doesn't see anything except a grey forest, illuminated by shitty LEDs, and he hasn't seen anything for the last twenty minutes.

"I'm starting to think this is a lost cause. I mean, it's getting late, and it's bloody freezing, I might just turn back." And he clicks the recorder off. The quiet in the absence of the whirring tape makes him feel even worse.

He tries to follow back the way he came. He winds through familiar enough looking trees and broken branches and rocks and logs. Then he walks past the same bunch of trees twice, and sees a log that he swears he saw ten minutes ago, and a small stream that he thinks he's already stepped over. In what feels like no time, it's been an hour and he hasn't found the trail. He quickly and quietly curses under his breath, panic starting to settle in at the fact that he's lost in a woods with frequent monster sightings.

"See, kids, this is why you follow the walking path," he mutters into the recorder. "Don't do what I do, for Christ's sake." He turns it back off, to preserve space on the tape, but it clicks back on by itself. With a shaky breath, he turns it back off. It turns on again. "Shit, don't tell me the recorder's broken..."

He holds the thing up to his face, trying to inspect the buttons for damage, but he doesn't know how tape recorders work so it's not revealing much.

A branch snaps somewhere behind him. Not a thing branch, or a twig, but a heavy, crunching snap, that sends the forest into silence. Nothing fills the air except Martin's quickened breathing and the whir of the tape. And possibly a short shriek from him, but that's unimportant.

Martin shines the light in every direction, hand shaking as he frantically searches the darkness for a presence. The tape recorder clicks itself off, then starts to play. His own voice comes out garbled and backwards through the tinny speakers of the recorder. It crackles and starts to fade into static. The thing shakes in his hands and he thinks maybe he should put the thing down, when something comes out of it, through the cacophony of static.

"Martin..."

The man in question freezes for only a second before he fumbles to pull his Polaroid camera out of his bag, not bothering with the digital. With the shrieking tape record tucked under his arm, he stands with his camera poised, listening out for movement. He hears a rustle on his left and whips around, taking a picture in that direction.

In the brief second that the flash lights up the trees, he sees it: an enormous, black creature with sickly green eyes covering every inch of its face, twisted horns reaching up into the branches and taloned feet reaching over the bushes. A mane of fur covers its back and neck, tapering down its chest. A tail audibly swishes behind it. And it was looking right at him.

The camera spits out a picture and Martin barely even notices. He takes off in a run.

The creature doesn't make any noise as it follows, doesn't roar or growl or anything, but Martin can hear it crashing against trees and clawing at the wood and ground. He can tell that it's bounding towards him. The recorder is practically screaming and it hurts his ears. He looks over his shoulder, and suddenly understands why three separate people called it a dragon. The thing has six legs and it's leaping from tree to tree like an awful overgrown squirrel.

In his terror, watching it grow closer and closer, Martin trips over a branch and goes flying to the ground. He rolls onto his back, scrambling to kick himself away as the creature closes in. He doesn't get very far as it slams a giant hand down on his chest and stomach. Martin screams bloody murder, kicking his legs in the hopes of hitting anything within reach, pushing at the leg and pulling at its fur.

Martin has always wanted to see another monster, but this is just a little too close for comfort. The thing stares at him with its too many eyes, and they each start to glow, starting from the centre at radiating outwards, the pupils thinning into tiny slits.

Martin feels pinned (in a more metaphorical sense than how he is very literally being pinned to the ground). He feels like he's getting an x-ray, like this monster has peeled him open and is stripping him bare. He's completely frozen under its oppressive gaze. He doesn't know how he's so sure, but he is filled with the inescapable dread that it now knows every last detail of his entire life.

He doesn't realise he hasn't been breathing until the feeling stops, and he gasps in deep, gulping breaths, tears falling down his temples. The static from the tape recorder—which had been abandoned to his left when he fell and had still been screeching—starts to quiet down, evening out into a steady white noise. The monster blinks all its eyes in unison, and the pupils have each grown rounder, filling out most of the eyes.

"Martin," the recorder says again. That voice- Martin knows that voice, where does he know that voice? "Martin...?"

"H-... hello?" he whimpers. He wonders if this is recording. "Are you... is that you? Speaking?"

"The tape," the monster says, glancing to the recorder. It—he?—sounds almost more confused than Martin. "It hears me."

The voice is deep and a little bewildered. Martin can't help but think it's the kind of voice you could find reading an audiobook. There's a curious aspect to it, a need to know more that is impossibly familiar. How the hell does he know his name?

He squints, no longer convinced that he's about to be gored or eaten. He swears he knows that voice, that posh, over exaggerated accent, the way it says Mahhhtin- wait, holy shit—

"Jon?!"

The monster- creature- thing– Jon looks back at Martin, shocked for a moment, then he hurriedly sits back. The six legs fold up surprisingly easily into a cat-like position.

"Martin, what the hell are you doing out here?" says the voice coming from the recorder. Says Jon. Says Martin's boss. He's having a bit of a time, okay?

"What am I doing? What are you doing?" Martin spits as he scrambles to sit up. "You mean to tell me you're a- a what? A dragon? A monster? A giant ferret that can only speak through a tape recorder? You don't even have a mouth!"

Jon stares, very unimpressed.

"What I mean is, it's very dangerous to be out here this late, especially off-trail." Jon chuffs as the recorder speaks. There's an odd purring rumbling from his chest. "I'm taking you back to your car. Come on."

"Oh, like you know the way," Martin grumbles, but still grabs the tape recorder and straightens out his bag, standing to follow.

"Like this, I know everything, Martin," Jon says, voice low and gravelly in a way that makes Martin's face go hot and red. Jon shuffles around and nudges him between his shoulders with his snout. "Now, let's get a move on."

Martin trudges alongside the giant dragon-Jon, who stoops his head down to seem closer to Martin's height, head tilted at an angle to lay his horns flat against his shoulders, instead of catching them on the branches. Part of him wants to try and make conversation. Part of him wants to forget this ever happened. A massive part of him wants to pet Jon's mane—it looks very soft and fluffy, and this close, he can see tufts of very dark green and dull grey amongst the black and he just really wants to sink a hand into it and—

"Yes, Martin, you can pet the mane," Jon sighs, rolling his eyes. Martin flushes from head to toe.

"How did you- what!" Martin squawks, and Jon laughs a little.

"You were thinking it very loudly at me," Jon explains. Martin stops in his tracks.

"Wh– you can read minds?"

"That's one way of putting it, I suppose."

"Well, don't read my mind, please."

"I can't exactly help it much." Jon rolls his eyes again and moves his neck within Martin's reach. "Go on, I suppose. If you still want to."

There's an odd look in Jon's eyes, looking almost expectantly at him. Hesitantly, Martin raises a hand, checking his face for signs that he was joking, and it doesn't seem so. Jon isn't the type to joke about that anyway, so he carefully reaches over and strokes the fur. It is soft. He carefully pets the fur down with the back of his hand, then sinks his hand a little further into the fluffy mass. At the firmer touch, Jon swings his neck to press into Martin's hand, so hard that he stumbles back.

The purring starts up again as Jon parks himself on the ground and leans heavily into Martin's arms. Martin laughs as he pets Jon's—again, his boss—chest and the back of his neck, wrapping arms around his as far as he can reach. The fur tickles his nose, and Jon rubs against him, all his eyes closing as the purr vibrates under his hands. His backmost leg starts kicking at the ground and a contended sigh comes from the recorder. Martin then laughs so loud in shock that he ruins the moment and Jon shakes him off.

He clears his throat. "Sorry, erm... let's continue."

Martin follows him through the woods with a smug little smile on his face. A question scratches at the back of his mind, but he isn't sure how to ask it without making things awkward. He figures, Jon will just, apparently, read his mind and find out anyway, so he might as well ask himself.

"So are you, like... fully in there?" he asks.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're- you're conscious in this- form, I guess." Martin thinks for a moment. "Side question, is this like a werewolf thing?"

"Well, first, I suppose you could call it a werewolf thing, it happens every few weeks. And to answer your initial question, kind of?"

"So then why did you chase me down like you were going to kill and eat me?"

"I- I do apologise for scaring you," Jon starts, guiltily bowing his head. "Though, I will admit, it was my intention. I didn't recognise you. Or- I did, but it didn't register? Usually, like this, my brain is a lot more... simple. Straightforward, I suppose is a better way of putting it. Like my sentience takes the back seat to make room for something more- primal. Being able to speak through the tape recorder seems to put me back at the forefront."

Martin doesn't know what kind of answer he was expecting, but it wasn't that.

"So you've got some kind of... animal brain when you're—" Martin tries to find a delicate way to put it, and fails, "—this thing?" Okay, that was possibly the worst way he could have described it. He's totally blowing it with his hot monster boss.

"Sure," Jon huffs.

"That explains why you went all cat-ish when I pet you," he chuckles, and Jon pushes him with his head.

All in all, it's a rather pleasant walk back to his car, with the lumbering Jon next to him and his six legs thumping on the ground with each step. He's almost a little disappointed that it's over when he dumps his bag in the back seat and turns back to Jon with a quiet sigh. He has to tilt his head back all the way to look at his face. Sat back on his haunches, middle and front legs politely tucked in at his chest and stomach, combined with the long, slender horns, makes him easily ten feet tall.

(A far cry from his five-foot-five boss.)

"So," Martin says.

"So," the tape recorder says. Jon blinks his many eyes. "I'll see at work on Monday."

"Yup."

"Right. On you go, then." He swoops down and nudges Martin towards the car with his snout, then turns and heads back into the forest. Martin watches for a moment, then opens the door and collapses into the driver's seat. Jon looks back at him through the bushes. Even with the door closed, the recorder crackles out one last message: "Oh, and Martin?"

"Yeah?" He knows Jon Knows he's answered.

"Don't tell anyone about this."

And Jon disappears into the dark.

_____

By the time Martin gets home, he realises that his picture is still in the woods, and it takes all his will power not to drive back and hope Jon is still roaming around and will help him find it. But, then again, Jon probably won't want loose evidence of him being a were-dragon-ferret-whatever.

In a slightly foul mood, Martin goes to sleep.

_____

On Monday, Martin makes very awkward eye contact with Jon as he delivers his tea.

He tries to make small talk in the break room and fails miserably.

He gets no work done for the entire day. But, at five o'clock, after he's returned from washing the mugs, he finds a Polaroid of Jon on his desk, and a note.

The sticky note reads: 'Sorry for knocking you over. Still don't tell anyone.'

Martin keeps the Polaroid folded in his wallet. He doesn't tell a soul.

[mad4turtles]

Hi 🙂 Loved your work over on Ao3, so I thought I'd shoot my shot at a rottmnt fic request!I had an idea for a prompt that has a premise like

• Takes place in the future timeline.

• I hc that CJ probably had at least ONE super rebellious moment in his younger years. I mean he's a child raised by both Cassandra Jones and the Hamatos 😂

• Casey Jr is still young enough that he's not allowed on missions

I can imagine CJ really pushing to start going on missions after witnessing the aftermath of one gone very bad. He just wants to be more useful & be able to protect his family like they always protect him and aid the Resistance. Casey and Leo probably get into it on the topic of Casey going on missions cause Leo is both his sensei AND one of his primary parental figures. CJ wants, Leo definitely does not want.

CJ sneaks out anyway to prove a point & scares the crap out of the fam. CJ runs into some trouble, maybe gets only mildly hurt, but scared & definitely learned an important lesson. Leo and the squad pull up ready to annihilate x5 cause their kid is the thing that's in danger. Some much needed, healthy heart to heart between Leo and CJ after everyone is safe and any wounds are treated. Cause their bond has me in a chokehold 🥹

Thank you for offering up request! Super awesome if this prompt is do-able for you!

... anon. my friend, my good pal. Do you know what you have done to me?

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR AN EXCUSE TO LION KING THE HELL OUT OF THESE TURTLES AND YOU HAVE GRANTED MY WISH. I salute you!

This is a two-parter because I got 9 pages in and really didn't want to rush this. I was having far too much fun!

Enjoy Part 1 XD

(EDIT: PART 2 IS HERE)

---

brave when i have to be

“Absolutely not.”

And really, Casey should have expected it. Even so, his jaw drops. “What?! Why?!”

Master Hamato Leonardo, leader of the only Resistance faction in the remains of Merica, and Casey's godfather, plants his hands on his hips and sighs. “We've been over this a thousand times, CJ—”

“But sensei,” Casey interrupts, stepping forward and clutching Uncle Tello's chainsaw hockey stick tight to his chest, “I can help! I'm not as strong as you, but I can still hold my own! I can scout, carry supplies back to base, or—or anything besides sitting around down here doing nothing while everyone else—!”

“I sincerely hope you're not just 'sitting around down here doing nothing' when there is plenty of training you could be doing and studying you can be catching up on,” Uncle Leo—no, Sensei right now—shoots back with an arched brow, frowning. At Casey's silent squirming, he leans forward with narrowed eyes that the boy avoids. "Don't think I haven't noticed. I got word from your dear Uncle Tello that your most recent test scores were, ah, disappointing.”

“Snitch,” Casey whines, scowling at the floor. 

Sensei leans back with another sigh, massaging his wrinkled brow with his prosthetic hand. Casey tries not to stare and fails. 

“Look, bud,” Sensei says, “Your heart is in the right place. You want to help, prove yourself and all that jazz, and you've come a long way. I mean that. But you're still young. Hell, even I wasn't going out fighting bad guys when I was your age; I was hot-wiring cars with Don for joyrides, vandalizing corporate office buildings—shitty teenage boy stuff that we thought was cool. Right now, that's all I want from you; to be safe down here, doing shitty teenage boy stuff while you still can. And keeping up with your training and studies, too, that's kinda important.”

Casey rolls his eyes. “Kinda hard to do that stuck down here, but whatever...” he mutters.

 Sensei's eye twitches. “Okay, I know I just said you should be a shitty teen, but that attitude right now is no bueno, niñito.”

“I'm not a little boy anymore, Sensei!” Casey cries. “I can take care of myself! I can fight, just like you! This is what you trained me for, isn't it?! To fight the Krang and save our world! I can help, why won't you let me—?!”

“Because you're not ready, dammit!” Sensei snaps, and Casey almost jumps. The slider lets out another breath, muttering what sounds like a prayer for patience. “You're not ready, Case. The Krang are stronger than all of us—I can barely stand to send your uncles and aunt up there, you think I wanna drag you along and watch you get—”

“I'm not weak, Sensei!”

“I'm not saying that, don't put words into my mouth—”

“Well, you're sure implying it!”

“Again, you can knock off that attitude—jeez, I sound like my Dad—”

“I'm not a baby, Sensei!” Casey stomps his foot. Yes, it's childish, but damn it, his Sensei won't listen. “You can't shelter me from everything!”

“You're really gonna make me say it. You're really gonna make me pull that card, aren't you.”

Casey bristles, his chest hot. “Don't—“

“Your mother left me with a responsibility to look after you, kid,” Sensei cuts in like a knife, prodding a metal finger in Casey's chest where his mother's mask is tucked against his shirt. “I promised her that I'd watch over you if the worst ever happened. And guess what, it did. And if you think for a second that I'm gonna break that promise over your stupid-ass death wish—!”

Eyes stinging and hot, Casey slaps the metal hand away and screams, “To hell what you think, you're not my father!”

Silence. 

Casey hears a leaky pipe dripping, his own thundering heartbeat. He looks up. His Sensei's face is slack with shock—and a hint of hurt—as he stares at Casey. For what feels like forever, they just stare at each other.

Casey wants to take it back—he needs to take it back because none of that was even remotely true or fair. It was mean, and Casey Jones Jr is a lot of things but he's not mean. That's not how he was raised, in part by the very turtle standing before him. He has to take it back.

But while Casey isn't mean, he is every inch his mother in her stubbornness, so he locks his jaw.

Sensei's expression goes blank. The slider takes a step back, drawing a deep breath that's barely steady, shoulders squared and shit. Casey should've taken it back. 

“... You're right,” Sensei says, his voice hard and cold. “You're right. I'm not your father. But I am your teacher and your superior officer, and as long as you're living under my layer of earth and metal, you'll obey my rules. You can start by reporting to the mess hall to cover Dan on dish duty, then you can take yourself straight to your quarters for the rest of the evening. Tee-ell-dee-arr, this discussion is over, and your ass is grounded.”

Casey chokes. “W-What?!”

"Uh-huh. For a month."

"What?!"

“You heard me. Think of this as your punishment for your insubordination and disrespect.”

“Kutabare.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You can't just—!”

“Keep it up and see what happens, I am being so serious right now.”

Casey meets his Sensei glare for glare. Ultimately, stubbornness aside, Casey relents first, scowling at the floor. “... Yessir,” he bites out.

Sensei nods curtly. “Good. Dismissed.” 

Casey turns on his heel and storms out of Sensei's room, hissing under his breath the whole way to the mess hall. 

(He doesn't hear his Sensei's hitched sigh or see the trembling hand that covers his face as he sits heavily on the bed.)

~0o0~

It's a stupid, stupid idea. 

But his Sensei always told him to trust his gut and follow his heart—it's his greatest strength—and Casey's heart is screaming at him to help. 

This isn't for him—not entirely. It's for everyone who comes home beaten and bloody, hope crumbling with every defeat. It's for the ones who never come back—for his Mom and Uncle Raph, who loved him, all of them, enough to stay behind and die with a war cry and a smile. It's for his Sensei, still recovering from losing his arm.

I'm doing this for them, he thinks as he slips his mask on, putting all his training to use as he sticks to the shadows, creeping along the edge of the crowd of foragers before slipping into an empty crate. His heart pounds in his ribcage, ears ringing as he feels the crate start to move, mechanical wheels squeaking as the squad move out through the tunnels. 

I'm not weak. I'm not defenceless. I can do this. I can help.

~0o0~

Casey doesn't go to the surface often. Uncle Tello used to bring him up to try and find the stars when the pollution wasn't as dense, lifting him and pointing out the constellations they could see from their hiding spot. Master Michelangelo brought him once to fly him over the ruins of New York, and show him what had once been a bustling city full of people; Casey still can't wrap his head around that many people existing in one space without a care.

But that was years ago.

Casey can still find his way back to base. He has the evacuation routes memorized down to the last detail, and Master Michelangelo had left mystic markings to lead lost ones back home, near invisible unless you knew what to look for—

“Or if you're family,” he'd said with a grin and wink. “Then you won't just see it. You'll feel it. The pull of home.”

Now, as Casey wanders the wasteland of what used to be Lower Manhattan, he wishes he could feel that pull. Leaving the foraging troop to scout ahead for danger was not one of his better ideas. Especially when they didn't know you had tagged along, and they move on without you. 

If I don't die out here, I'm dead when I get back, Casey thinks as he crouches behind the wreckage of a vehicle buried in the ruins, trying not to panic and mostly failing.

Sensei had lost his arm in their most recent mission. He'd barely made it back alive, Commander O'Neil dragging him on her back, ragged, burnt and losing blood fast. They were among the seven survivors from the raid that had left with seventeen. 

It was close. They'd had a replacement ready in time, but it was. Too. Close. 

Casey had already lost his mom. He can barely remember her voice now. He can't lose Uncle Leo. He can't lose anyone else because he can't protect them. He can't. He won't. 

Still, he thinks as he curls up into a ball to fight the chill sweeping across the landscape, you probably should've listened.

“What do we have here?”

Casey's heart skips. 

Shit.

Instinct saves him as he rolls out of the way right as the robotic claws of a Krang suit obliterate his shelter. 

The dust clears, revealing the glowing, delighted eyes of the creature piloting the mech suit looming over him. Jagged teeth flash in the red glare of the mech's singular eye as the Krang grins down at the boy trembling at its feet.

Casey gapes behind his mask. He'd gone out looking for trouble, and it finds him in the form of—

“Krang Subprime!”

Subprime cackles. “That's right! I see that my reputation precedes me. About damn time, too!”

Casey's heard enough stories and reports to know how dangerous Subprime is. Responsible for leading the charge that had wiped out Asia and melted the icecaps, he's Krang Prime's right hand for a reason. 

He'd gotten the drop on the raid team in the last mission. He'd taken Uncle Leo's arm. And now he's found Casey. Alone. 

Casey can't beat him. He'll die out here, and no one will know until it's too late.

You should've listened.

But Subprime has a weakness. A glaring one that most Krang don't seem to have. All Casey needs to do is exploit it, buy himself some time. He won't win, but he'll live. And get this asshole back for nearly killing his Uncle. Maybe. Hopefully.

Spirits, please let this work.

“Not really,” he says, surprised when his voice doesn't shake like the rest of him. “Everyone thinks you're freaking annoying, nothing compared to Prime. My Uncle says your all bark, no balls.”

Subprime's eyes pop open wide, mouth gaping like a fish. Casey considers laughing.

(His one weakness: his ego is fragile as hell.)

“You—You little shit!” he squawks, stomping closer and leaning down until he's face to wrinkled, pink face with Casey, eyes blazing. Casey holds his position, gripping his weapon tight in one hand, holding his breath against the stink of Krang flesh and dripping saliva. 

“I should vaporize your sorry butt right freaking here, you disrespectful waste of flesh! Sure, Prime may be our leader, but I'm the tactical mastermind, y'hear me! I'm the reason we've come this far in taking over this planet! I'm the brains in the outfit—!”

“Literally though,” Casey grins, shifting ever so slightly on his back. Rocks and metal dig into his back, and he does his best to ignore it. He has never been this close to a living Krang, and he's scared shitless, but he can't falter. He can still get away. He can still live. “I mean, You are a giant brain thing in a mech suit, so...”

“Shut up! You talk more than that dumb blue turtle with the fancy sword.” Then Subprime grins, slow and vicious. “Speaking of which, how is he? Last I saw, he was bleedin' out pretty bad after I bit his arm off. Never heard him scream like that. It was music to my ears.” He licks his lips. “His blood tasted delightful.”

Casey wants to be sick. He wants to kill this disgusting son of a bitch more than he's ever wanted anything in his life. 

Keep your cool, Case, Sensei's voice echoes in his ears. Anger is a dangerous ally when it's not focused. Sharpen it. Give it form. 

Casey breathes in. 

“Aw, got nothin' to say, pipsqueak?” Subprime chuckles, slamming a metal hand beside Casey's head, caging him in. “Now, you've got two options. You can spend the rest of your worthless life in our labour camp, or go ahead and make your last request. If nothing else, it'll be entertaining. I do enjoy the way you humans beg for mercy.”

Casey breathes out. 

“In that case, I have one request if you would kindly grant it,” he says softly. 

Subprime chortles and leans in, jagged teeth dripping. “I'm all ears.” 

“Could you scream in agony like a little girl bleeding from the face?”

Subprime blinks. “Could I what—?”

Casey thrusts his roaring chainsaw into Subprime's left eye. 

Subprime screeches and rears back, metal hand cradling his bleeding face. “YOU—YOU SON OF A—!”

Casey is already running, leaping over and ducking under debris and wreckages from a time long gone. 

For my Sensei, you dusty bitch!

He can hear Subprime giving chase, moving faster than anything Casey can hope to outpace. But he has size on his side, and he squeezes through tight gaps between collapsed buildings and pipework, crawling through a gaping fissure in the ground leading to the sewer system. Far too big and down an eye, Subprime struggles to catch up, bellowing and hissing after Casey as he brute forces his way through the rubble and vines, claws just catching the frayed hem of Casey's cape.

“Shit—!” Casey stumbles, careening into a wall slick with Krang slime and—a familiar smell that Casey doesn't want to think about too much as he bolts down through the tunnel, feet and heart pounding. He'd thought—hoped—blinding the bastard would've slowed him down. 

“Wretched brat! I'll tear you limb from limb, you insignificant—!”

“Can't catch me, bitch!” Casey screams back, scrambling up a rusty ladder that leads back to the surface. Adrenaline pumps through him like electricity, and he all but punches the sewer grate, barely feeling the pain in his busted knuckles, crawling out into the open. 

He remembers this street; it leads to the Hudson Cross—from there, he can find Uncle Mikey's runes. He can get home—

“Gotcha!”

Cold, solid metal slams Casey into the asphalt, pinning him face down. His hockey stick flies from his grip, skidding out of reach. The breath leaves him in a painful rush, he can't even cry out as one claw pierces his shoulder. Warmth pools under his shirt and drips onto the concrete, sticky and wet.

No.

“Heh... hehe,” Subprime's wheezing laughter over Casey's head feels like a blade against his neck, honed, ready and aching to swing. “Thought you could get away, did ya?”

No, please. 

He can't help it. Casey sniffles, tears leaking through his eyelids as he squeezes them shut.

I was so close.

“Awww, what's this? Tears? Gimme a Krangin' break!” Subprime presses harder. Casey chokes on a sob as his bones creak in protest. “What's next, you gonna call mommy and daddy to come save you from the big, mean old Krang-y? Ha! Should'a thought of that before ya blinded me, you freakin' pest!”

Help. Somebody, please, Sensei—

“Forget the labour camp.” Subprime tightens his grip and lifts Casey's limp, bleeding body off the ground. “I'm gonna enjoy smashing you to a bloody pulp instead!”

Help me, please! Da—

“Put. Him. Down.”

Casey's eyes snap open.

Subprime's grin falls. “Huh—?”

A flash of green, and a blade slices Subprime's arm from his shoulder. 

Casey's falling for half a heartbeat before two strong arms pluck him from the air. His stomach swoops as he scrambles for purchase on—he squints—Uncle Tello's shoulders as they zip across the street on the propellers of Tello's battle shell. “Oh my god!” he cries.

“Not quite,” Uncle Tello quips as he skids across the broken street and sticks the landing. His purple visor flickers to life across his eyes, analysing Casey's from head to toe. He doesn't put him down. “Are you alright?”

Casey's knuckles are broken on his right hand. His shoulder and nose are still oozing blood, and his body feels like one giant bruise from that chokeslam into the ground. He can hear Sensei and Commander O'Neil holding an enraged Subprime back behind them, and his heart feels ready to leave his body with how hard it's beating. Other than that—

“I-I'm okay,” he stammers. He sniffs, swiping his unbroken hand under his nose. “I'm—I'm okay.”

Uncle Tello doesn't look convinced. “Can you stand?” he asks anyway. Casey nods, and Uncle Tello sets him down carefully. He keeps one strong arm draped around Casey's shoulders, bringing the other up to speak into his vambrace, his tone clipped and urgent. “Nardo, April, I've got him. A little banged up, but nothing serious. I've also got a pack of Krang Hounds incoming from the south, ETA two minutes. Sister is with them and seems to be in a good mood. Much as I want to carve the innards out of Subpar here, we gotta book it.”

Casey gulps. Subprime is one thing, but he never wants to meet the Sister. 

He looks over his shoulder—and chokes when he sees Master Leonardo standing on top of Subprime's fallen mech, sword poised over his bloody eye. He can't see the slider's face, but his voice carries across the empty street, cold and dark and nothing at all like the man he knows—

“Don't. Touch. My boy.”

And then he carves Subprime's eyeball out of the socket, tossing it across the street. 

Subprime wails in agony, thrashing on the ground and narrowly missing Commander O'Neil as she slides neatly under his flailing leg, nabbing Casey's weapon as she sprints over to them, Master Leonardo not far behind. 

“Get going!” she shouts. 

Casey doesn't need telling twice and runs like a bat out of hell, not daring to look back. Uncle Tello, who can run (or fly) rings around Casey any day, sticks close to his side. Commander O'Neil draws up on his right, leaving his Master at the rear, boxing Casey in.

“How're we gonna get back to base before they get here?!” he cries. He can hear the barking and howling already, getting louder, closer.

His aunt grins. “Same way we got here so fast!”

Ahead, golden light explodes like a star against the twilight, leaving a mystic ring of blessed orange in its wake. 

Master Michelangelo hovers above it, winking. “All aboard the Mikey Express, leaving now!”

“Impeccable timing, little brother!” Uncle Tello crows. Casey wants to cry. 

They all leap through the mystic portal right as the first Hound rounds the corner of a building. Michelangelo zips through last and shuts it with a swipe of his hands, plunging them into darkness and silence save for their panting.

They're back in the tunnels. They're home.

Casey drops his head with a shuddering breath, leaning back into Michelangelo's steadying hands on his shoulders. It stings, but it's grounding. He can breathe. It's over.

Then he lifts his head to look at the back of his Sensei's shell, sees his clenched fists and thinks it is far from over.

“Leonardo,” Uncle Tello approaches the slider, one hand reaching out. “It's fine. It's fine, we are all fine, so I need you to do me a solid and breathe—”

Sensei slowly turns his head to face Uncle Tello, and even Commander O'Neil takes a step back at the frigid rage swirling in his eyes. Michelangelo inhales sharply through his nose, gently pulling Casey closer. Uncle Tello doesn't flinch, meeting his twin's glare evenly. Eventually, he backs off with raised hands. 

Then Sensei turns to Casey, and Casey wilts under his stare. He's pissed.

Somehow, Casey finds his voice. “...um... Sensei, I—”

“You. Deliberately disobeyed me,” Master Leonardo says lowly, and oh god, he's not pissed. He is livid. 

Casey shrinks back against Michelangelo's chest, his grip the one thing keeping his knees from folding under him. “Sensei, I'm—I'm sorry—”

“Medbay. Now.” 

Master Leonardo marches past them, brisk and tense, a silent threat that they should follow if they want to live. 

Uncle Tello and Commander O'Neil share a look that Casey can't translate. Then Uncle Tello sighs, his expression crumpling for the first time as he buries his face in his hands. This close, Casey can see how much they're shaking. 

Casey's gut twists viciously with guilt. 

Commander—no—Aunt April pats Uncle Tello's shoulder firmly with one hand, the other pulling back his frayed purple hood. “It's alright, Don," she says. "Casey's here. Leo's here. We're all here." 

Uncle Tello's breath shudders out of him. His head still in his hands, his snout twists as he nods.

Aunt April smiles ruefully, patting the soft shell's arm again. "Go. Take care of yourself, Dee. We'll handle things here.”

Uncle Tello responds with another nod, making Casey's innards twist even more as he watches him go. 

Then Aunt April sighs, looking at Uncle Mikey and cocking her head after Master Leonardo. The mystic warrior nods back and ushers Casey forward, not letting him go.

“Don't worry, little man,” he says softly, pressing his beak into Casey's mangled hair. Like he's trying to convince himself that Casey's here at all. “We'll patch you up first, then we can rest. It's... it's been a long day.”

Tell me about it, Casey almost says. Instead—“'M really sorry, Uncle Mike...”

His Uncle sighs into his hair before pressing a kiss to his crown. “I know you are, little man. But I'm not really the guy you should be apologizing to.”

Casey gulps.

I think I might've had better chances with Subprime.

---

Part 2 coming soon!

(Feel free to send more requests <;3)

[maria-ruta]

i miss ronya she was so cool. how's she doing these days

awww thank you!!! <3 <3 <3

I miss her too UvU

the game ended on moment when all the demons were defeated and sent back to hell (except for Nafanya and Gra'azt, who now became leader of big group of drow and continues to get more drow on his side from Lolth(shes not happy about it lol))

Ronya got married to goblin widow Hikt (they threw the bouket in Sarit's face so hehe he's next lol) and now Ronya is mama of Hikt's kids from her last marrige - one allready young adult goblin booy, little girl, and baby boy (I don't remember where I wrote their names rip OTL)

(this hella cool bugbear design is work of my friend @tench-art)

Mao completelly turned into fairy and only had one year and one day left in mortal plane to live, and after that she will be joining the Wild Hunt

And Chiviss ( @tench-art 's character) became small demigod and now he had his own illithyd ship, his paladin friend Valya(they are in love but very slowburn/akward about it) and clone of human monk Lee who now has to help Chiviss by doing good things and help fixing stuff he fucked up - and Chiviss plans to travel across other worlds on his ship

AND WITH ALL THAT Ronya was left the only one to rule Fort Asshole (Sarit gave it that name and it stuck X'D ) the fort, that became shelter for many many people throghout our game - basically it was like big town or small city at this point

The game ended at Ronya being like "wait so whos gonna take care of the Fort now?"

and everyone were like "well now YOU are the queen of Fort Asshole, Ronya! your responsibility now byeeee"

and Ronya was like "WHAT THE FUCK IM NOT GOOD AT POLITICS AND MENAGMENT SHIT!!! IM GOOD AT CRUSHING DEMONS SKULLS WHAT THE FUCK GUYS"

But I think Ronya will found a union with other leaders of the different groups of citizens of Fort Asshole

such as orcs Hector and Azog, who represent the interests of orcs

myconid Lubomab, who represents the interests of myconids

Ronya herself as leader of goblins and bugbears

and half-orc Lidia, who represents the interests of everyone else and all kinds of minorities

and together they will come up with something X'D how to take care of the city and trading and etc. Fort Asshole became very important trading point, since now it has the big portal cirlce to the surface, while the last city(Malonderit, I cant find how the city should be written right, I only remember how it was pronaunced so eh), that had the portal to the surface - doesnt have it anymore. So yeah, Fort Asshole has all the chances of becoming big city eventually

I know from what our DM said, that at some point other bugbears of the city will become overly proud and will think of themselves more than other species, bc "our leader is so cool! she is the best and the strongest, and everyone else is weak loosers" so Ronya would have to beat some sense into them

she would tell them(more like angrily roar) that she would never get where she is now without help of her friends and comrades (hell she even DIED once and they had to get her ass a new fucking body), that everyone is equal here and that they should stop embarrassing her. And she would also add that its not bugbears who are stronger than everybody but its particularly HER who's stronger than everybody XD and if anyone of those bugbear assholes wants to argue with that - they can challange her to battle in orcs' arena and see if they could win her in wrestling battle. nobody's up for it? theN SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

ALSO Ronya promissed her wife Hikt that she won't be risking her life as much as she did during demon invasion anymore so I guess her life gets less adventurie now

She would gladly teach kids her knowladge of hunting, tracking, scouting, and nature of underdark in general... when she has time lol, bc being leader is hella busy job (she didn't want it but she was choosen to do it U_U )

(idk what else to add haha you can ask anything specific if you want. but im very pleased you want to know more about Ronya, Thank you)

[just-mebs]

I' ve seen you mention the trans fetish thing a few times now can you fill a guy in por favor

I'm feeling fairly violent recently so I'll bite. The guy has me blocked and if any of his friends wanna come around again then they can choke for all I care [under the cut bc this got long]

About 2 (??) years ago when I was more active in the tf2 fandom, I made a lot of SFMs and posted them regularly. At some point I started making nsft ones and posting them on twitter where I would promote them here since I had 0 followers on twitter at the time.

Things started to go down after i posted my second one - read that again: my SECOND one. It was a DemoSpy piece where Spy was depicted as a trans man. (The first one, by the way, was a HeavyScout where you couldn't even see Scout's junk so its not like I was making/posting copious amounts of these or that I was only making trans porn).

So yeah. I make the DemoSpy piece. I share it here but in order to see it you had to go to twitter to see the full image. A few people reblogged it but nothing crazy. After a few days I got a message from someone saying that [blog] was posting about me and calling me a trans fetishist.

Now, I had been a follower of [blog] for a while at this point. Never interacted beyond reblogging/liking some posts but I was a fan for the most part, so I was a bit upset by this so I reached out to them because I didn't understand what was happening/why they would say that considering we had NEVER talked at that point.

Like how can you look at ONE (1) image depicting a character as trans and just assume that the artist - WHO IS OPENLY A TRANS GUY HIMSELF - is a FETISHIST. Like WOOO baby I don't know how to tell you this but you have so much internalized transphobia lets make that clear.

And to be clear: if he just didn't like seeing that kind of content that was fair. I believe in blocking generously. What I DON'T believe in is calling someone stuff like just because you don't like their content.

Anyway, so I talked to him. He doubled down on me being a fetishist because I (a trans guy) made Spy a trans guy and a bottom.

(I'm also a bottom ??? Which you guys don't need to know but also its like ?? So am I fethisizing myself beucase I'm both a trans guy AND a bottom??? Like there is 0 actual thought here. If you equate being a bottom to being "the girl" you're actually just both homophobic and transphobic)

I got really upset (who wouldn't), though mostly because for ME depicting characters I love as being like me actually made me love my body for the first time since I transitioned so now all that self-love I was feeling was dead and I haven't recovered despite this being 2 years ago <33

Trying to wrap this up: I ended up purging all/most of my posts and wiping my twit because I was so overwhelming and made to feel disgusting. A few people that were [blog]'s friends started harassing me over everything and I made a post on twitter saying that I wasn't going to post anymore and someone from there decided to come here and send [blog] a bunch of hate (I genuinely don't know who it was and no one I asked owned up to it but now thinking about it I think I know who it was and I don't associate with that person anymore so eh) which only made me get a bunch more harassment.

Anyway I blocked him and all of his friends that I knew and this was essentially the beginning of the end of me being in the TF2 fandom </3 everyday I wish ill will towards him and everyone associated with him <333

obv I'm not going to share his @ but if you know who I'm talking about leave him alone he's literally not worth the effort.

[0dotexe]

I'm really feeling some 𝔽𝔼𝔼𝕃𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕊 tonight and I thought I'd share something from my past that haunts me still.

It has been 18 years since my best friend died, and the memory haunts me. TW for animal death, bullying, family nonsense, the works.

This is gonna get long, I'm sorry.

Some background

Be me, a 13 y/o kid with autism going through the ringer in a catholic school. I have no friends, and most of the kids either bully me or avoid me. I was used to it at that point, but I longed for a friend for so long. I thought I could make some from extracurricular stuff like soccer or the scouts, but I just had this air to me that drove people away.

"Fine" I thought, "who needs friends anyways?" as I continue to try my best to survive.

The summer before the semester began I went to a scout camp that lasted a week. I was far from home and could usually do activities I enjoyed without being forced to socialize much. As my mom picks me up and we go to the peach festival in a town nearby she says there's a surprise for me at home. I cannot guess for the life of me what could be so surprising.

So we get home, technically my grandparents place. I'm greeted with something that genuinely makes the most excited I'll probably ever be in my life. We had cats in the backyard. A momma cat decided our place was suitable and let her kittens hide under a shed.

I immediately go outside and try to see the cats. The momma is surprisingly social but the kittens aren't, obviously. No big deal. I read about this in my giant cat book. I just need to get their trust.

Momma cat (Dyemond) had four kittens. Rocky Road, Cloud, Sprinkles, and Little D. These cats basically took over my life that summer. Grandpa set out a trap, captured Little D, and took him inside so we could give him food and I could socialize with him. His name basically was inspired by a white diamond on his back. Nothing too deep. But anyways.

I literally sit there for hours talking to him, giving him food (his favourite was ice cream), making him comfortable, until he isn't scared anymore. Unfortunately, my grandparents were apprehensive of letting cats stay inside (one part because they're hoarders, one part they didn't have the supplies to house him) so at the end of the day, we'd just let him go back outside. Stupid in hindsight, but I was a kid. I didn't know any better.

One day, I get back home from another grueling day at catholic school. At this point we don't have to trap Little D to have him be comfortable coming up to me, but something is off. He's not as energetic as he normally is, he's not purring, he looks banged up but that's just how cats are, right?

I raise my concerns with my family. Practically begging them to take him to the vet. I do this every fucking day until they finally do on a Friday. I raised this concern a week ago, and they're only JUST NOW getting to it? "Fine, whatever, so long as he's going to get better."

He was taken to the vet in the morning, and I was picked up from school the same afternoon, asking my mom, "What happened? Is Little D okay? What did the vet say?"

I can tell that my mom doesn't want to answer the questions I'm asking but I'm pestering her about it so she finally says, "He has cancer." Thinking I'll leave it at that. No the fuck I won't, I keep prying.

"Oh, so he just needs some medicine to feel better, right? Like chemo or something?"

"He's dead, [REDACTED]." is the last thing I remember hearing my mom say. The weekend following I remember literally nothing. I cannot for the life of me find a single memory of what I did. I asked my family to how I was during that time and they just said, "You didn't say or do anything." I believe this is the point in which my depression started and no one can tell me otherwise.

So, I need to bring up this guy

His name throughout this memory will be called S. I hate him, but I do respect people's privacy. So S was a new student that semester, and he made it his perogative to make my life a living hell. I'm sure he was a bully to everyone else too, but sometimes I feel like he singled me out more often than not. I was an easy target, because no one stood up for me.

S was the kind of guy who once he knew what pushed your buttons, he pushed all of them at once to see what reaction you'd have, and then push them once more for good measure. Even though his bullying affected me a bit, nothing hit me as hard as the day I come back to class after mourning (and still mourning) my only friend.

I was in a religion class (forced onto the curriculum, but I almost never paid attention unless Veggietales was playing, but I digress) and the teacher assigned homework over the weekend. Understandably, I didn't do it. I couldn't hand over my book, open to the page and it's blank. He asks me why I didn't do my homework, so I tell him the truth, "My cat died, I'm sorry." he quiets his voice and apologises, and gives me an opportunity to turn it in next class. I thank him quietly and go back to my desk.

But S had other plans. Oh, of course he did. He eavesdropped on the conversation, trying to find more bait to pester me with. This information seemed to be a goldmine for him as he stands up and yells, "Hey everyone! [REDACTED]'s cat died!"

The world around me stops. I hear a mix of laughter but also some "Dude what the heck" but I don't do anything other than lay my head on my desk, sobbing quietly. The teacher berates him, but he's not sent to the office.

S wasn't expelled until months later, when he called a crush of mine gay. That's neither here nor there, but I do find it kinda funny that, THAT was the defining moment for his expulsion from catholic school. Stay classy, catholics. I remember the day too because when I heard the announcement on the speaker; I almost fell out of my chair and just said out loud, "Thank god. I'm finally free. He's finally gone." Crying of course.

This memory haunts me, for a variety of reasons.

It's up there on one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. It's probably also one of the reasons I left the catholic faith because if someone like him can be a catholic, who else out there could hurt me?

A few years after mourning him, my mom seems annoyed at me, she says to me, "[REDACTED], Sometimes I wish I never told you he died. You just can't seem to get over it. He's just a cat, move on."

He wasn't "Just a cat" he was Little D. He was my best friend. He was euthanized. I wasn't there to comfort him. He loved ice cream. His purr was so loud it could cause an earthquake. I couldn't get him to the vet fast enough. He died. He fucking died. We buried him in the backyard, and I'm just supposed to "get over" that?

We had kept two of the other litter mates and got them to the vet immediately after this incident. Rocky Road and Cloud. Sprinkles just fucked off and was never seen again.

Those two are dead now too (they both lived for about 15 years), any connection I have to that part of my past is now gone. It hurts. It fucking hurts.

I'm sad everytime I think about this. I had to learn as a child to mourn in a way that makes it very hard to express my emotions. When I was at my grandpa's funeral, I couldn't cry. I had to cry in a locked room away from everyone else. My emotions weren't valuable or permitted to express to my family when I was truly suffering, so why show it then?

I don't know how to end this. If this helped you in some way, great. But just know this will never leave me. I can't "get over" it. Almost two decades later and I just can't get it out of my mind.

I'm sorry, Little D. I miss you.

⬖.Exe

[jvstheworld]

My Ted Lasso Re-watch: S2E1 (part 3)

Goodbye Earl

Ted's wiping of the nail polish and his butt still hurts. So I thought about this, and they would have had to get the shot of Dani kicking the ball at Ted a few times. Obviously it would be a prop ball so it didn't hurt as much, but still after a few takes of trying to get it right, it you would start to ache. And who's to say it hit his butt every take. He might missed a few times.

Nate's harshness is really coming through now.

Ted said Beard's name and we all kissed it because we thought it was another reference. And yes it is definitely believable that Beard is only referred to as Beard. It's not just a TV show thing where people are just called by their last names. I've had friends who I have done that to. Two of them had the same first name, so calling them by their last names just made things less confusing.

So, Dani has the yips. Ted and Beard's reactions to it being said out loud are hilarious, as is the fact that the players and Will in the locker room all react to the door being slammed.

I don't know Ted's sports references. I'm as lost as Nate and Higgins.

Well, Ted you are living in a foreign country. One that would describe American Football as rugby but with a shit load of padding.

Ted is apprehensive about therapy because of his own time in therapy (You suck, Dr Jacob) . He agrees to it while shaking his head.

Roy is suffering. I would be too if I had to listen to that story. We like Martin Short in this house. He's definitely going to need more drinks to survive.

Roy sees through John's bullshit. And just how boring he really is.

Does anyone else get the slight impression that John looked down on Roy for saying that he coaches kids football? Even though Roy enjoys it, and is a good coach, and has experience from being a 9 year old who got scouted by Sunderland. The man is happy enough and trying to figure out what he's doing next with his life, don't judge.

Keeley was being sneaky and underhanded by bringing up the pundit stuff. Though, it does help him realise where he belongs, so it does eventually become a good thing that he did it.

I still want to see Roy's retirement speech.

To Earl. He was a good boy. I'm going to keep saying it every time it gets brought up.

Michelle had been seeing Dr Jacob as her personal therapist for a while before couples counselling. So Dr Jacob would already know a bunch of stuff about Ted, from Michelle's perspective, which made him form his own opinion about Ted before their first session. They should have seen a separate therapist for couples counselling. Dr Jacob should have stayed as Michelle's personal therapist and referred them to someone else who could have helped them. If not, then he should have done private sessions with Ted to understand his side of things before bringing them both in. Ted was being set up for failure because before he even spoke in their first session he was seen as the problem. Because instead of helping them both with their issues, they just told Ted that he was doing everything wrong and making Michelle miserable. Which is shitty therapy. And made worse by the fact that later on Dr Jacob and Michelle are dating. He might not be her therapist anymore, but he still had intimate knowledge of her relationship and personal life. The problem is, did these feelings occur during the time when he was treating Michelle or when he stopped being her therapist and they hadn't seen each other for a while? Because if it's during his time as her therapist then it adds another layer of why he's such an ass, because he could have been trying to get rid of Ted. Any way you shape this, Dr Jacob does not come out of it like a Prince.

I don't know why, but every time Beard talks about never dating another dancer, the lyrics to George Michael's Careless Whisper come into my head.

'All people are different people.' That is a good line. I might have to steal that for myself at some point. Just because he had one bad experience with one therapist, doesn't mean the next is going to be the same. And Dr Sharon is so much better than Dr Jacob. She actually helps Ted, which Dr Jacob never did!

I need the full story of Beard's life. All of it.

I fucking love Roy's little rant to Rebecca. Yeah, John is fine, and that's nice. But where's the actual spark of attraction? She's playing safe because she got so hurt by Rupert, I get that. But she deserves so much more than just safe and fine. Don't settle for less because you want to play it safe to avoid being hurt again. Find someone who makes you feel safe because they love you and makes you feel like you've been struck by lightning and wants to be with you.

The greatest thing about Roy Kent, he won't bullshit you.

[maxwell-grant]

Is Dora the Explorer a pulp hero?

"If it helps, I kinda hoped someday she was gonna outgrow this stuff, y'know?", he thought to himself, midway through an inner monologue you just barely missed the beginning of, as he leaped through fallen tree branches. 

He was dashing his way through the jungle, trying to keep ahead of the girl who moved just as fast and twice as recklessly behind him. Two colorful blurs leaping and vine swinging through the dense vegetation of Kunuhirka, or at least, the parts of it most untouched by deforestation.

"I mean, leave the jungle, go to school, make friends that aren't talking animals and objects, really. Go live a normal life with your people. She's been doing this since she was like, what, 7? 8? I'm not gonna say adventuring in the jungle isn't fun but, man, it just isn't the same now. Someday, she's gonna wind up pi-". He abruptly censored himself, out of instinct. He'd been taught by his grandma not to swear, and while neither of the two were kids anymore, he couldn't quite bring himself to swear openly still, so he concluded his thought differently.

"Someday she's gonna upset someone and there'll be no coming back from it. She's not a kid anymore. This, this stuff she's doing? It has consequences, man. It catches up to everyone-"

Whatever hesitation or doubts he had were far from the girl's mind as he tried to keep up several paces ahead of her, not looking back. While she was usually accompanied by a rather irritating little monkey in boots, it was nowhere to be found now. The very imaginatively-named Boots had been sent ahead by the girl to scout the region and search, and howl back if he found anything. She would be able to pick his howl amidst the many that echoed through the jungle.

When they were kids, it was easier to do so. The monkey and her still understood each other as if they were brothers, but it had been a long time since she'd been able to communicate as easily with him. Some of the skills she took for granted as a child had changed as she grew, like the ability to hear animals as if they spoke her native language. Nowadays, she could understand most of them on some level intuitively, but in her family, only her cousin Diego was able to understand and converse with animals to that extent.

She missed talking with Boots, more often than she'd admit. She would have never given that up, if she could choose back then. She could still make out words from certain beings, like her objects or the Explorer Stars on occasion, but no further conversations with any beasties.

"-if you don't count me, that is." 

Swiper the Fox finished the thought, interrupting our narration to instill a boost of confidence to himself, trying to offset the fact that Dora, a human girl and his arch-nemesis, was currently gaining on him. Sure, she knew these jungles about as well as he did by this point, and she took athleticism much more seriously, but it didn't hurt any less. Slipping away faster than anyone could catch was a skill he took pride in.

He, of all animals, was the only one Dora could still have conversations with. Swiper the Fox, the talking anthromorphic fox with human intelligence who dressed like a cartoon burglar and had spent the highlights of his career losing a battle of wits with a child.

"It's not like she didn't try, y'know?" He continued his thought, unaware of our assessment towards him. "Maybe at some point her parents probably figured that letting their kid run around exploring rainforests unsupervised, getting involved with magic and witches and whatnot, getting into adventures, was probably not preparing her for adult life.”

“She left to America, graduated college, probably got a bunch of degrees or something, I don't know what humans do in school other than waste time and get sad, but after all that, she wound up back in the jungles again."

Swiper had never gone to human school, or fox school for that matter, but he was correct in his assessment of school as well as the fact that Dora had indeed graduated. The archaeology degree was hers from the moment she walked into the school, the reputation of the Marquez family ensured that much even if she wasn't a genius in a field she'd done much to advance even as a child (even if most of her discoveries and advancements had been shared and attributed to her parents, to protect young Dora from potentially dangerous consequences). She'd eventually pursue another degree, one that was considerably more challenging, and had led her to her current predictment.

Dora was particularly famous as something of internet celebrity, having been one since childhood. Usually, whenever she traveled and explored nowadays, she tended to bring handheld cameras with her, to photograph and film her findings, one of the many things she was able to store in that frankly terrifying backpack of hers, that which had a face currently staring at Swiper as he tried to keep up with Dora. 

That creepy talking thing which liked to "eat" things and could summon talking maps and contained some kind of hole in space-time where Dora could freely ignore the laws of physics, which she used mostly to stash objects she needed.

If he were any more interested in keeping the things he swiped off the hands of people (mostly children) he might have figured out at some point that this backpack was a burglar's greatest dream. However, Swiper had never gotten used to the damn thing and he wasn't gonna start now. Her parents had given her that thing, where did they find it? 

Did they know what it could do? ...Could it be that it was once just a regular backpack, before Dora got a hold of it? Was she the cause of it? Would it even be that surprising -

"Stop! Stop, stop, just stop, man. You're gonna drive yourself nuts thinking about that stuff, it's way too much for you, just, let me do that thinking, allright? Stop slowing me down, I'm having a hard time not letting her catch me as is." So said Swiper who, uh, apparently was hearing us the whole time-

"I can't hear you the whole time, allright?", he thought, possibly lying, as he stopped running, nearly tripping and falling down an antlion pit, and went into hiding. Dora heard a noise, and was currently climbing a cliffside a couple hundred meters to his left, while Swiper was switching movement to take the long way around to not tip her off. 

"Don't even know what you guys are. Didn't used to be able to hear much of you at all, actually, but she can. She always could, if she focused on you, if she knew you were there. Haven't got the faintest idea how she does it, man, but I don't question it."

"It gets easier only when I'm near her, when I know you're in there. But she can't focus on you right now, allright? Keep your mouth shut and let me do my job."

We let him move on till he's out of sight and we think he can't hear us anymore. But, get ready to shout in case he does something bad. You know what works on him, right? The phrase? If we say it, he's gonna notice us. Shouldn't we alert Dora?

No, we shouldn't. They were getting close to their destination, and while Swiper was creeping his way out of range, Dora was currently climbing a rocky cliffside several dozen meters tall with no protection and armed with only a handful of climbing hooks, moving way faster than anyone hampered by gravity should be willing to in these circumstances. This was no carefree adventure, and the grim look on her eyes reassured us that, regardless of his intentions, Swiper was right. We can't disturb her now.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Look man, I don't know what to say, it was just supposed to be a caper like any other. Someone paid me a good amount of cash to swipe something that could allow time travel, so I figured I'd swipe a Time Travel Cape from Mr.Troll. Look it up, that’s a real thing.

No, no, stop, I'm gonna be real clear here: I was NEVER into this for the money, allright? I ain't that kind of thief. But, look, I'm getting older, I got bills to pay now, and my grandma to look after. We're trying to keep Blueberry Hill untouched by greasy human paws (and, the Marquez family helped with that, I have to admit), and, 

I'm Swiper the Fox, man, it's not like I'm ever gonna get a regular job even if I go looking for one. Plus, Dora and her family had left off to America, so, nobody was gonna get in my way if I did a little swiping here and there. 

So, I took it. Was child’s play. I suppose that’s what this always was, in the end.

And, okay, maybe I swiped it for myself a little. I mean, it's a cape that lets you travel through time! Who could blame me for wanting to keep it a little longer? I wasn't gonna break the deal, obviously. You should know by now, I'm a fox of my word. Always was, always will be. This game doesn't work otherwise.

I know how to use it, already did this when me and Dora had to work together. You tie it into your shoulders, cover as much of your body as you can with it. You take a step back, breathe in deep, and then you start to shake it. Shake it, spin it, and sing the song, until circles of light start showing near you.

Shake, shake, shake Shake, shake, shake Shake your travel cape.

You do it, and then you'll be able to travel through time to a set destination...shouldn't it be more complicated than that?

No. Stop. Just, go with it. That's how it works. It's worked before. We got this. But...I thought to myself...

See, last time I used this thing, was for some Christmas adventure a while ago, and in it, I traveled to the future and met this old version of myself. A real gloomy jerk that guy was, left Blueberry Hill and Granny behind to go rot in a castle. He was richer beyond anything I could have ever wanted but, he seemed like he'd failed where it mattered most. I try not to think about that too much, but, I wanted to know.

Was I still gonna be that guy?

I figured, yeah, to be honest, I did miss Dora, kiddo was friends with everyone, even someone like me, but I figured without her around, nobody was gonna stop me from swiping whatever I wanted. 

No more Dora, no more "Swiper no swiping!", no more rules or games, no one stopping me, right? So, maybe we should get a look at what Future Swiper gets up to!

Shake it up, shake it down Shake it all around Now, let's go!

.....

.....

.....oh

--------------------------------------

The big shock to her family and friends came when she decided to pursue a degree in journalism. Not just geographical or scientific journalism, but investigative journalism. Watchdog journalism. Gonzo journalism. Dora was restless in her genius, never able to stay in one place or one area of expertise for long.

It wasn't like she had never had to deal with bad guys, before. Swiper, for one, even if he was mostly an annoying goober who never set out to harm anyone. The Bobos pestered Diego, on occasion. Sometimes they were witches, whose schemes ranged from ice-skating competitions to trying to put Boots to sleep forever, but they weren't too bad.

But, as she got older, and started getting into different kinds of adventures, some of them got meaner. Land-owners, rubber robbers, resource pirates. Mercenaries, thieves, even killers. People who terrorized local workers and indigenous populations, who had no interest in these lands aside from what they could gut for resources and profit, damned be anyone who got in their way. People who had targeted Dora's parents, even Dora's abuela, until they mistakenly assumed the girl was an easier target.

Dora had claimed a certain amount of infamy, following her graduation, as a celebrity streamer who was also known for combatting and exposing criminal practices across the Amazon, particularly in her birth region of Kunuhirka. The jungles of Peru had been her home, and by the day, they were more and more devastated. Attempts to bring these to the attention of local and national officials had mostly caused more trouble, and while her international fame had allowed her to make considerable progress, it had also drawn more enemies against her.

She knew that much of her audience still consisted of children who knew her as a popular cartoon character, obviously there was only so far she could go through those mediums. She could handle herself, and she'd been a survivalist for longer than she'd been in the media, the fact that the bad guys somehow never succeeded in hurting her badly made her something of a hero, but had gotten many to dismiss her vlogs as stunts. 

Most people thought Dora was just a little kooky and childish, for they only saw a grown woman with a pet monkey talking to a camera and herself as if the things around her could talk back, reenacting bits of her old cartoons.

It made it more difficult, sometimes, for her to be taken as seriously as she may have wanted to, but on the other hand, it allowed her to operate undercover, kept potential enemies off her and her family. They could take care of themselves, of course, and so could she. It was to her advantage, in the end, that most people didn't take The Explorer very seriously, only seeing Dora as a harmless curio.

If any of this had any effect on her determination and optimistic outlook, she wasn't showing it.

She'd heard Boots's signals at the top of the cliffside, and had just finished climbing it. She'd regrouped with him there, and stared ahead at the cave near the mountainside. "Good work, Boots! You found them", she said out loud, never one to keep her thoughts constrained to internal monologue - wait, what's she doing? Why is she looking this way?

"Now, can you say, "trampa?"

...Guys? Guys, wait, I think she wants you to say it. Yeah, you, behind the screen. Go ahead, say it...

...Oh, what, you think you're too much of a grown-up to answer Dora The Explorer? You're only gonna hold her back this way, but fine, we'll do it.

Trampa.

"Say it again!"

Trampa!

"Yeah! You said it! Now, "trampa" means "trap", and that's what this is in front of us right now. Some bad guys knew I was gonna come after them and they've set up traps inside this cave to hurt me. They probably know we're here now, I wanted to say it loudly to distract them, buy cousin Alicia a little more time."

What?

"Now, we're here to rescue her mine so, I'm gonna have to ask you all to be reeeaal quiet, ok? Don't worry, these bad guys can't hurt you. But I'll be hearing you, and we're gonna need as much help as we can get. Now, who do we ask for help when we don't know which way to go?"

The, map?

"That's right! Mas, did you know, maps can come in many different shapes and sizes! Sometimes they don't show locations, but they can help you locate yourself much the same, entiende?"

She packs up some of her tools she needs to use now, like her yo-yo and baton, and as she makes her way into the dark cave, we're gonna need your help with this too, okay? Don't speak. But, shout if you see something, ok? It's not too -

Wait, there! He's got a gun! - *THWACK

Dora! Another one at your six! - *whirrr - THWOK

That guy's got a bum leg, he's - *THWIP - CRASH

Guy and girl behind you! Girl's got a knife! - *POW-POW - clink

Boots! Dora's friend is two doors to the right. Still breathing, not too injured - *OOK-OOK!

....PAOW......BANG BANG - BANG!...........

....

....Dora, duck!...Oh -

WHIRR - SLASH-THWACK!

....

....

....

"Alicia? Alicia? Estas bien? Te lastimaron?"

"D-Dora? Como me encontró?"

Dora breathed a little easier, reverting closer to her more cheery self.

"I had a little help", Dora said, as Boots climbed onto her shoulder. "I've been following these, these, cabróns, pardon the language, for a while now and, apparently so have you. I figured they got to you to try and get to me, but what did they want with you?"

Alicia caught her breath, and replied. It wasn't her first adventure. She wasn't quite as used to danger as Dora was but, she could keep her wits about her for now.

"They needed someone who could take them to this location. They were trying to get their hands on this, thing, didn't quite get what it was, but they said it was gonna "take them back" to when this place still had anything worth stealing. They figured it was a tech thing, I know the region, I was easier to kidnap. They didn't hurt me too badly, seemed like they were mostly waiting for someone."

"Well, they'll have to keep waiting. I got some friends who can take these guys away, they'll be here shortly. Can you stand up?"

"Yeah. Yeah, think I can"

"Great! Now, come on, let's get you safe!"

Isabella seemed unfazed by the cheerful disposition of someone who'd just walked through gunfire in a dark cave and beaten her way through a squad of mercenaries with an oversized yo-yo. Just Dora being Dora, she guessed.

Boots held up a flare torch and walked in front of them to help them walk out of the cave, the leader of the mercenaries woke up behind them, and gradually got to his feet. A bald man with faint traces of a goatee recently shaved, he had a nasty bruise on his forehead where Dora's yo-yo had smacked him, a cut bleeding above his left eye.

Cuts in the forehead weren't too serious, more effective as a scare tactic and blinding method. Dora never fought or injured anyone if she could help it, but her ability to knock out the man and cut his forehead with a blunt toy spoke much about her ability nonetheless. 

Groggy but furious, he reached to his back pocket, reaching for his gun to stop them. It was two girls and a monkey, he thought using terms we preferred to censor, he could get them.

Or so he could, until he realized his gun wasn't there, and as he tried to move, he tripped and fell on his face, the laces of his boots tied together. 

A couple feet to his left, he'd heard a finger snap and a mocking voice.

"Oh, maaaaan! Guess I was too late, huh?"

Swiper was sitting in the stool they'd used to tie Alicia, twirling the gun with remarkable ease for someone with such tiny fingers. He detested the damn things, never even came close to them, but sometimes humans were too big and too stupid and only learned better with one of those awful things pointed at them. The mercenary leader was still too dazed to stand upright.

"Well, can't say I blame you, man. I'll admit, she can be pretty annoying, y'know? Nobody gets the better of her for too long. I'd say I sympathize, but, the kind of thief that you are? You had it coming, man."

"To think I almost joined up with you guys, hah!. Offering my services to people like you, not knowing what you guys were really up to. Good thing I learned my lesson for this episode in time. Oh, wait, I mean, day. You know what I mean."

"Still, a deal's a deal, I did bring you the Time Travel Cape you paid for. I do always honor my word, y'know. Here, I'll even get it ready for you."

The mercenary leader gradually returned to his senses at the sight of this ridiculous tiny fox-person dancing around shaking a colorful cape, singing some song in Spanish that he couldn't quite understand the lyrics to, not helped by the fact that Swiper, although born in Puerto Rico, was mouthing the words with a barely intelligible accent.

Agita, agita, agita Agita, agita, agita La capa de viaje!

The little rat they'd paid to distract Dora and deliver them the time-traveling device had led The Explorer straight to their den, ruined their entire scheme, and now had the nerve to dance in his face?

Shouting incoherently, he lunged forward and grapped the cape off Swiper's grip, and pulled on it as hard as he could, sending Swiper reeling backwards with comical cartoon drums simulating a tumbling noise. As he grabbed the cape, he didn't notice as circles of light started dancing around the mercenary. Swiper cleared his head and shouted

"Hey! No swiping!....", and tried to keep a straight face before he broke into a fit of giggles.

"What? What's so funny?" asked the grown man in body armor clutching the colorful children’s blanket he'd spent a small fortune on. He hadn't noticed yet that the blanket was tied to his wrist.

"Nothing, nothing, just, aah, you wouldn't get it. Hey, uh, hope you got a good look at what I was doing with it, man. The dance, y'know? The lyrics, too. Doesn't matter the language, just gotta get the words out in tune. That's how you get Mr.Troll's Time Travel Cape to work. I did tell you this was the time-traveling thingamabob you wanted me to get, right man?"

The man looked at his surroundings, gradually realizing the electric light circles that were surrounding him, as he tried to shake the cape off his wrist.

"Last thing they used this cape for was to go travel back in time to meet the dinosaurs. Maybe that's where you'll end up? Maybe not. Either way, good luck finding your way back, man. I'd tell you to stay away from my friend if you do ever come back but, guess that goes without saying, right?"

The man didn't get a chance to answer, before the cape started taking him into an era he'd have no chance of coming back from. By the time help arrived, no trace would remain of there having ever been a nationally-infamous mercenary and a thieving, talking fox having been in this place.

"You did get the lyrics I said, right? Brushed up on your Spanish recently, man?"

[salemruinseverything]

[don't worry, the mile long description is staying, that's my only accomplishment on this site aside from april 13, 2007, brobecks bmonday, and ferb time]

[i'm also liveblogging homestuck intermittently, go here [browser only] for a nice little organized archive. unlike everything else on tumblr it works better on mobile browser, my desktop theme doesn't like long posts]

hi, welcome to salemruinseverything dot tumble, your source for quality reblogs, horrible [affectionate] original posts, and frequent tøp-posting of varying quality [read: reblogging half of what's in the tag every time lore happens]. my name's salem. [mainly.] i use they/them, xe/xem, joy/joyr, ae/aer, it/its, and 🍭/🍭s pronouns [also mainly, you can check my pronouny for more of both of those.] [also, i do sometimes use he/him or she/her for myself, but id prefer if other people didn't.] this is mostly a bandom/shitposting blog, but i have been known to post about politics, animatronics, minecraft youtubers, the nintendo 3ds, and doll collecting very frequently. i once got someone to ask dallon weekes if he knew what furries were, and that is both my biggest accomplishment and the worst thing i've ever done. my only personality traits are being personally victimized by pete wentz, having a crush on gerard way, surviving solely on monster energy and spite, and being a kinnie which i refuse to be ashamed about anymore. i have a lot of ocs. feel free to read on if you want to know anything else but that's really all the info you need.

dni if: you're a queerphobe, an ace/aro exclusionist, anti-xenogenders/neopronouns, a terf/swerf, a pedo/map/nomap/anti-anti/whatever you guys are calling yourselves now, people who genuinely give any shred of a fuck about proship/antiship discourse, anti-kin of any sort, you actively support brendon urie or ronnie radke, preps/posers /mj [this list will also get amended at some point it's like 2 am as i write this] [also fair warning that this isn't an exhaustive list and i hardblock without hesitation if your vibes are off. no hard feelings unless you're a bigot]

hey if we're mutuals/i follow you please tag these w/ "salem dont look" [you absolutely don't have to but id appreciate it]: any photos of actual needles [talk of needles/cartoon needles are fine], minimalist aesthetics [especially in black and white], death from overdoses [other varieties of death are fine im emo & desensitized [mostly]], the names morgan & chey, any photos of posessed ybc!patrick, & agere stuff [i have nothing against y'all and you're very welcome here, but it's a big squick for me lmao]

a short list of things i post about [formerly a list of things i actively post about, but half of these fandoms are dead now and i'm too lazy to take them out]

my chemical romance

various decaydance bands

hating brendon urie

twenty øne piløts[? in my 2024? it's more likely than you think.]

i DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

the aforementioned bamd secretly being catboys

waterparks [the band]

sanders sides

various mcyts/associated streamers

homestuck[? in my 2024? it's m-]

tally hall. how did i forget tally hall.

brian david gilbert [& associated acts]

particularly polygon but i can no longer count that as an associated act

the heart rate of a mouse [i apologize in advance]

will wood, with or without the tapeworms

lalaloopsy [where is lalaloopsy tumblr. please]

american girl

some other general doll collecting stuff as well, but i do mainly collect the two mentioned above [mostly lalaloopsies. lalaloopsy fans please interact]

showbiz pizza/the rockafire explosion[/chuck e cheese occasionally]

disney parks [i hate the corporation but i am a sucker for a good dark ride]

scott pilgrim vs. the world [ramona flowers is my precious little meow meow. she's me fr. if she gets hurt i am killing everyone in this room and then myself]

i haven't seen a single episode of supernatural since i was 9 and have never played tf2 but castiel and scout are my special little guys so i post about them sometimes

this list will probably be changed at some point by the way this is just off the top of my head

tags i use:

#salem's random thoughts: any original textposts i make

#salem's shitposting at midnight again: my old textpost tag, is now mainly used for memes if at all

#top 10 gerard way gf moments: you know how i said one of my only personality traits was having a crush on gerard way? yeah

#salem please stop talking about your kandi: a catchall tag for any posts i make talking about/with pictures of my kandi

#awsten knight troll propaganda: hey did you know that awsten knight is a valid troll name? and that him typing in all caps all the time could technically be counted as a typing quirk? yeah [the tag that inevitably led to parxstuck]

#tally hall out boy cinematic universe: a mostly abandoned project wherein i tried to connect everything possible to tally hall and/or fall out boy

#salems selfies: this is just pictures of my face

#you're a hot mess and i'm falling for queue: uh. queue tag. yeah. mostly used when i hit post limit but sometimes i schedule things

#salems im okay liveblog: on the rare occasions my favorite webcomic, i'm okay (trust me), updates i am bound to liveblog the new episode so if you dont care about it then block that cause I Have Emotions About These Dumb Emo Teens

#salem answers a question: tag for asks

#my friends!!: things my friends post!

#seven of spiders: tag for my band!! it's mostly an actual band now!! we still don't have a drummer though

#salem's discography liveblogs: there were a lot of bands i was avoiding getting into just because i didn't know when or how to start with their music, so i now have a list of said bands and i've been going down the list, picking a band and listening to one of their albums until i finish their whole discography. used to be on sundays but i kind of just do them whenever i feel like it now. i also have individual tags for each band but you can find those by going through the tag. current tags to block if you don't wanna see this: #salems gorillaz liveblog, #paramore discography liveblog [my blacklist tags for this are inconsistent im sorry]

#vampireposting & #idogposting: i like vampires & idogs. self explanatory.

#salems ocs, #the murder crew, #dsmpjoys au, #parxstuck, #my chemical l'manberg au, & #the reprisians: stuff abt my ocs/aus! [please send me asks about them pls pls p] [note because i don't know where else to put it; dsmpjoys & mcl are on indefinite hiatus o7]

#every day i have strange sentences (?) put into my ask box by tumblr user full of teeth: dumb shit [affectionate] that everest sends me. still using his url from two urls ago because i'm lazy.

#liveblogging my breakdown: the posts that get a little too venty lmao, feel free to block if you don't wanna see that shit

#ftwwwposting: mcr play ftwww live challenge

this will also be updated cause i Know this isnt all the tags i use on a regular basis

other things i think are important to note:

all my posts are ok to rb unless they're specifically tagged w don't rb [although i guess this isn't much of an issue now that i can turn off reblogs but. still]

i don't actually ship any real people [at least not anymore- i sincerely apologise if you scroll down far enough to find unironic rpf-posting], but i do make a concerning amount of rpf jokes and am a throamie, and i try to tag any rpf-related content accordingly [i swear i'm posting about peterick in a platonic way i swear it on my life it's not my fault bandom has not caught onto the concept of duo names]

ask me to tag things if you need me to! it doesn't matter how "dumb" you think it is, i will try my hardest to tag it

the only thing i won't tag is blood, because i'm an mcr fan and that shit's so prevalent in this fandom that i don't even wanna try- however, i do tag gore, & i only rb cartoony/artistic gore, no realistic stuff :p

on that note let me know if i miss any tags so i can add them! [i do forget to tag things excruciatingly often, i'm sorry for that]

also on that note since people keep asking: i put tws on fall out boy/panic! at the disco because people asked me to [i don't anymore because i'm like 80% sure they both unfollowed me but. if you see older posts with those tws that's why]

ALSO on that note. i reblog so much mcyt stuff that it's basically impossible to tag it all at this point so like genuinely no offense but if you need that blacklisted please just unfollow stop harassing me to tag it

all the tw/cw tags i use are formatted "tw/cw [thing]", & mentions of that thing are tagged "tw/cw [thing] mention". i often forget which things i use cw tags for and which i use tw tags for so id recommend blocking both to protect yourself from my stupidity

please send me asks. i crave human interaction

i block people a lot, don't @ me- this is my space and i'm curating it how i want. literally, if you give me weird [in a bad way] enough vibes from a quick scroll through your blog after you follow me, i'm blocking you.

if you're not around my age [i am very young! mid teens! im not comfortable sharing specifics but if you're like. under legal tumblr age/above 18 this applies to u], please don't message me if we haven't talked before, it makes me uncomfortable [you're welcome to follow/send asks/reblog with commentary and stuff, just don't dm me please] [this also doesn't apply if we've already talked a few times outside of dms]

i threaten to kill other people and myself a lot. please know that i'm joking. murder is bad. suicide is also bad

my sideblogs: [ironically only three of these aren't related to my ocs]

@mediocreincorrectquotes: incorrect quotes of various fandoms

@sevenofspiders: blog for my band :p

@salems-edits: feel like the url sums that one up

@terribleocincorrectquotes: incorrect quotes of my ocs, horribly organized

@ooc-tiktok-comments: the uh. the url sums that one up too

@cottoncandy-system: system blog (hi we have osdd. apparently)

@bimbemo: aesthetic sideblog (HUGE flashing lights & eyestrain cw)

@its-just-ray-toro: its just ray toro. follow for ray toro on your dash

@bunnyboylyricbot: lyrics i like posted twice daily [when i remember to queue things]

@starstruck-n-m3tal: i am the #1 scholar on all things party poison

all of the sideblogs below are semi-rp, semi-aesthetic blogs for my ocs all of which are very inactive

@alluwantizbadboys - gabe kennedy

@sharpeasaknife - helena sharpe

@christmasknight - noelle knight

@thearistocrat - cain harmony

@mxs1n1st3r - celine sinister

@frmthrzr2thrzry - aaron knight

@b3aut1ful--quarant1n3 - razz roscoe

@voluntaryv1ct1m - jaxxie boyd

@began-and-ended-in-ellipses - cas roscoe

i also have a few secret sideblogs. you'll have to find them yourself

also i am now forcing you to look at these pictures of ryan ross.

[Image ID: several assorted photos of Ryan Ross. /end ID]

that's it thank you have a good day

[clairecrive]

“Burn” - Bane x reader [Requested]

A/N: this is for this anon. Thanks again for requesting! I missed writing for Bane.

Warnings: angst

Word count: 2.5K

Taglist: @mollybegger-blog, @evelynshelby, @br0ck-eddie, @sopxhiea, @shadow-of-wonder, @fandom--0verdose, @fuseburner, @kind-wolf, @innerpaperexpertcloud (let me know if you wanna be added or removed)

The vastity of the night sky had always helped y/n ease her worries. Surely, whatever was bothering her couldn’t be as big and impossible to solve as she was making it out to be. Because, would you look at that? The universe is so big and we’re so small, so insignificant. and that applied to her problems too. 

At least that was what she always told herself whenever she’d feel lost and hopeless. Thinking this way helped her put things into perspective. And sure, not everything was as easily solved but, even in that case, it helped a bit.

And so here they were, she and Bane were laying down staring up at the starry sky. Sometimes, they would spend it in silence, just enjoying the warmth and comfort the other’s body would bring. Others, like this one, they would easily fall into conversations about everything and nothing.

“Was there someone special in your life? Someone you wish to get back to?”

“You mean, romantically?”

He nodded.

“No. Single for life.” She did a peace sign to lighten up her embarrassment but Bane was curious and did not pay it any mind.

“You mean to tell me that you’ve never given your heart to anyone?”

“Well, if you put it that way I have to change my answer to yes. Being in a relationship with someone and giving someone your heart are two wholly different things.”

“Let me rephrase then. Have you ever been in love?”

She really thought about the answer, her mind going back to any romantic involvement she might have had during her life. Even if she scouted her memories, she found that it wasn’t a yes or no question.

“I guess,” not only was the word she chose explicative of her indecision but the tentative tone of her voice left no doubts as to where she was standing. But Bane was confused, to say the least.

“I’ve always been under the impression that love was one of those things where absolute certainty was involved when it came to its presence or absence.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I have had mostly one-sided crushes, you know?” she started but Bane could see the faraway look in her eyes and knew that she had more to tell but was lacking the right words. So he waited.

“I said ‘I guess’ because I don’t really know what love is. I mean, everyone has a different take on it depending on their experiences but I don’t think I’ve ever felt it,” she paused turning to meet his eyes, “once there was a guy I strongly had feelings for. Even that was one-sided though and it took me a long time to recover from that because he was my best friend at the time. Looking back to it, I guess it was love or the closest thing to it that I’ve ever felt for someone. It hasn’t happened again though so I don’t have anything to compare it to.”

“Maybe it wasn’t love, just deep infatuation. Or maybe I just confused my love for him as a friend for something more. I don’t know. I guess I’ll figure it out when I fall in love with someone else. “ She concluded and refrained from correcting that when with if. she couldn’t see herself being as lucky as to have someone that cared about her and that loved her in the future. But Bane didn’t need to know that.

Turns out that those unspoken words had become a sort of oracle, ‘cause here they were now, years after they had that conversation. Just when she thought that she had found that one person to share her life with, to give her heart to, life quickly come into play letting her know that that wasn’t the case.

Because the man that had saved her from a destiny worse than death, who had given her hope and made her trust him to the point where she had felt safe enough to open up to him and allow him close to her heart, had now shattered whatever remained of it.

"So let me get this straight, first you save my life than you decide to keep me with you so you basically kidnap me, get me to fall in love with you, put me through an insanely difficult training so that I could stay with you but it was all done in vain because now you’re  sending me away?"

"I'm not sending you away but you cannot stay here anymore. I’m doing this for you."

"And why is that? What changed?" and when Bane stayed silent she added, "what happened to 'I want you always' ?"

"I did not lie to you." His words were in striking contrast to the ones he had said before but y/n had learned to read him and could tell that this time he was not lying. But then the question naturally arises, what's really going on?

Nothing out of order had happened in the last few days. Bane and she had been the same as always, even his work had proceeded as usual. So what was it? What was she not thinking about? What was she not seeing?

Letting her mind go back through the last day to fat check that nothing happened, she went through their actions. Light breakfast together followed by a not so light tête à tête then they trained together until he had to deal with something for his work and she had occupied herself otherwise. She had called him to see when she could get dinner started and he said that he had a meeting with Talia first but had come right after. They had dinner and while they consumed their healthy and perfectly balanced meal she shared with him whatever came to her mind while he ate in silence. See, nothing out of order.

Wait a minute...

He went to meet Talia.

"It's her, isn't it?" Suddenly, everything was clear. She knew what had happened, what had changed. And she sneered at the pull Talia had on him. Suddenly, she understood but at the same time, the last year lost its meaning.

"I just wish I realized earlier that you didn't care about me as much as you said you did," turning she went to her cabinet to get her stuff, "I wouldn't have put myself through so much otherwise." 

Nodding, she knew what she had to do. She had to leave. There was no reason to stay. Resolute and defeated she put everything her eyes fell on that was hers in a little bag. Clothes, lingerie, cosmetics, books. But when her eyes landed on the little box where she kept everything connected to him, her heart broke further and her anger was fueled. 

In there, there was every present Bane ever gave her. Every little thing that made her think of him in some way. The letters he wrote her whenever spoken words failed him. She knew that going through its content would equal to a chronology of their relationship. If it was possible her heart broke even more. Everything she did to stay with him, everything he did to keep her now was all vain. She gave up so much for him, for a man. Her former self would be ashamed of her and knew that her heartbreak was contributing to making her feel something akin to that. 

"Here," she said walking where he was standing, "take this. I don't want it anymore," and she threw it at his feet. The only acknowledgement on his part was a tilt of his head but it wasn't needed. He knew what it was and what she kept inside of it. He felt a pang in his heart but kept his face void of any emotion. 

"I'll want you always," she said mocking his voice, still stuffing stuff in her bag and chuckled with mirth, "what a load of bullshit." 

"Actually," stilling for a second, with a shirt cramped in her fist she faced him, "I am the biggest clown between us because I believed you." retrying her stuffing, shaking her head she added in a whisper, "I should have known better," but Bane heard. 

As soon as he decided on this course of action, he had also prepared for her reaction. He knew her well and so far she hadn't done anything that he hadn't expected. And while he had been ready, he couldn't help but feel hurt by her words. He knew how she was looking at this situation, knew that his words had led her to believe it to be so. At the same time, a little part of him wished for her to oppose to his words, to see right through them and see that he was lying. That he had been honest when he had told her those things, he had opened up to her and meant everything. But knew that she was too lost to rage and hurt to think clearly. And it was also the reason why she was acting up and had thrown the box on the floor. He knew that she deeply cared about it and what it meant to her. He almost thought of offering some kind of comfort, to give her some hint about what was really going on. But knew that it would be unfair to her. After all, he was doing for the sake of her safety.

“You know,” her voice brought him back and his eyes were immediately drawn to her, “isn’t it funny how you man always pride yourselves to be strong and all that bullshit when even someone like you, who’s the epitome of masculinity and strength, at the end is totally subjected to a woman?” 

They would always have this kind of conversation. Bane, being a leader of a huge army, had the tendency to be bossy. Even in situations when it wasn’t needed. It was just who he was and he felt the need to remind her of his alfa status an unnecessary lot of times. While she could enjoy this inclination of his when they were in bed, she definitely couldn’t stand it in their everyday life. And now, it made her feel stupid that she had to put with it and learn how to deal with it but when it came to Talia, he just did whatever she told him to. Also, this changed her consideration of him. What a clown. She had tried to warn him about his rather toxic relationship with Talia but he’d always get angry and dismiss the conversation either by leaving or shouting at her. She could remember their last fight about it like it was yesterday. It was also the first time that she had ever doubted her relationship with him. The first time that she had thought that maybe she had made a mistake by staying with him, by falling in love with him. Maybe she should have left as soon as she had rescued her. It wasn’t for the motive of their fight, neither her jealousy and worry about his relationship with Talia, but it had all to do with what he shouted her in rage that made her blood run cold and her heart shatter. For it was said that angry and drunk people were the more honest ones. And since that moment she couldn’t help but wonder if he really thought what he said to her or if it was just an impulse propelled by anger as he had explained.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have saved you.” 

And then, as if that wasn’t enough, he decided to twist the knife further.

“I told you not to fall in love with me.”

As if one could choose who they fell for, she remembers thinking.

Those words still haunted her to this day. It happened a while ago and Bane had made it up to her, mostly. But it was in situations like this that they would come back and mock her for even forgiving him and thinking that he loved her as she loved him. To think that even a small part of him thought that it was best that he had left her to suffer in the hands of a sex abuser until he would have eventually tired of her and killed made her sick. How could anyone say something like that to another human being? One they presumedly loved? She couldn’t wrap her head around it. Bane had then explained that by that he didn’t mean leaving her with her captor but simply bring her with him and keeping her with him. Despite the fact that his explanation made sense, y/n still didn’t think it made things better.

And as for his second statement, it went mostly unmentioned. 

Sure, that had been something he had told her in the beginning. It was after her training required them to spend most of their days together since he wanted to attend to it personally. Y/n knew that being in the military and with his past, it wasn’t easy for Bane to show emotions let alone let someone close enough to him to allow himself to love them. She understood that. She had a few things she was dealing with that made it difficult for her to entertain the idea of something more between them.

But that was almost a year ago. So much had happened in their life and between them that even though the words were not spoken aloud, she felt the shift in both their behaviours when it came to them. Hell, they even started dating. 

Not that any of them labelled it that way. But that was beside the point.

They slept together, they ate together every meal, they lived together. If there was a band on both their left ring fingers and it was a more conventional setting, people would assume they were married. 

While y/n didn’t like thinking about what they had in that way, she surely considered the commitment they had made to each other equivalent to a marriage. 

She hadn’t considered Talia though. 

Or at least, she had hoped that if she ever would try and come between them, Bane would stand up for her. 

Turns out that she really was foolish.

“Whatever, I guess it’s not my problem anymore.” Giving him her back again, she closed the almost full bag and went to put on some shoes and coat. 

“I don’t have any use for it, you should take it with you.”

“Neither have I. Burn it, see if I care.” 

And with that, y/n turned around and walked out of their shared apartment at last.

It hurt to say the words, it hurt that things had ended to abruptly, it hurt that even after all this time he didn’t care about her, it hurt like hell but y/n was resolute in leaving all of this behind her. Yes, it wasn’t going to be easy and maybe it would be like leaving a hot fire trail behind her but at one point the fire would burn out, wouldn’t t? 

It may take a while but she would be okay,

[zutaraplatter]

Avatar: The Last Airbender Critique

There are already a million of posts like this one, and I might be saying things that’ve already been said a million times but I’ve recently become reheated about the ATLA ending and wanted to let it out -_- No one asked, this is true, and this may or may not be a way to stall from this final project I still have to complete, but here’s 10 things I didn't like and/or would change about the show that likely shouldn’t need changing because they should have been done in the first place.

1. Katara should have apologized to Sokka after TSR

It should have happened and it didn't. In my canon-avoiding mind, Katara and Sokka have a heartfelt conversation where she apologizes for the awful things she said, Sokka says he forgives her and he's sorry if he wasn't as there for her as much as he should have been, which he follows up with "but I'm happy you listened to Aang and took his advice," leading into my next point

2. Katara should have said that not killing Yon Rha was her choice

And thats why it was the right one. Not because Aang already said it was wrong. No no. It was the right choice because that's what she chose. I love my mom to death and can't imagine losing her in any way, let alone the way Katara did. And I can't say for sure that if I was in her shoes that I know what I would have done f that yes I do I would have killed that motherfucker. But I also know that if Katara decided not to kill him, then that was one of two correct choices because they were Katara's choices to make. Not Aang's or anyone else's and this should have been clarified. I know it's a kids show but I said what I said. Next point.

3. Katara should have said more after telling Aang she was unsure at the Ember Island Players

Katara hasn't had any trouble saying how she feels, especially when it comes to helping others and making them feel better, whether she was right or wrong. But she holds back or overly softens blows and seems to even shrivel up at times when it comes to Aang. And me no likey. I had a boyfriend who I adored and admired and just genuinely looked up to. I'm also a shy and anxious person who hates confrontation, but because I loved him, I never refrained from telling him when he was wrong. I might have been a little shaky about it but I did it tho because when you want to be with someone you walk through the grass and stomp through the mud. And I personally feel like either in that moment or later on in an added scene that Katara should have voiced to Aang how unheard and disrespected she felt about his words before TSR and his actions on the balcony. I hate being uncomfortable and my secondhand embarrassment is toxic but I would love to see a scene of this. I always imagined Katara saying stuff like "But I'm not you Aang, and I'm not an Air Nomad," or "Zuko could understand why I needed to go, and I'd hoped you would too," or...I'm out of ideas but you get the idea. And you know what, I know I'm a hard Zutara shipper, but them having this conversation would honestly make me respect their relationship a whole lot more should it be believably written to end on a good note (I don't see how it could be but hey I'm an open minded person and I did think they were cute together once upon a time). Basically, all I'm saying is that Katara is no small voice and she should have been written that way when with Aang. Boyfriends can make you shy but should never make you weak. Period. Next point.

4. No rock! ONLY GROWTH!!!!!!!!!!!

I still squint my eyes whenever I remember that rock that unblocked Aang's chakra. What even was that? The laziest writing possible in my opinion. That's what. And Aang deserved better. What should have happened should have been that Aang started to lose to Ozai. And then as Ozai's about to deliver the finishing blow, Aang has flashbacks of everyone he's trying to save and honor, ending with a very prominent flashback of Katara with the guru's disembodied voice reminding Aang to let go of his attachments to become all he needs to be...then BOOM! Baby boy is back on his feet, chakra unblocked, he kicks Ozai's ass, I'm crying hysterically on the floor, as are the rest of us, and he wins. Then at the end of the series, instead of a kiss, he gives Katara an apology. She accepts, everyone else comes to join them on the balcony, cinematic group hug, camera pan into the sun. I don't know lol. Basically what I'm saying is that Aang did not deserve some deus ex machina. He deserved to grow and become his best self like everyone else got to.

5. Aang should have heard differently in The Storm

Katara is a very fate-minded person and this is when I saw potential for her to become a toxic character in regards to Aang. When he admits that he ran away from home 100 years ago, Katara tells him that that was basically a good thing because he was meant to be here and now. Like...no? What Aang did, though understandable for someone so young, was still wrong. Yes he would have maybe been killed but I'm like 10000000% sure they had a plan to protect and evacuate the literal avatar. And what was technically "meant to be" was a new avatar. But hey, what's done is done and kicking Aang while he's down is a no-no in this household. But that doesn't change the fact that Aang needed and deserved honesty. Maybe the fisherman could have said this, I don't know, but I feel like Aang should have been told by someone that although running away was wrong, it's a blessing he and Appa were able to survive and be able to help save the world now with his amazing friends found-family. Maybe this is too harsh, and maybe even outright wrong, but I felt like Aang deserved a truer answer here to support and comfort him.

6. MAILEE!!!!

Do I even need to go into detail?

7. Spiritual sigh*

Don't make me go into detail -_- I will say though that although Aang and Katara are both amazing individuals capable of earth shattering things, they were not a healthy fit for one another. This is evident in the original series and especially in their children from LOK. They both deserved the best but better than one another.

8. ZUTARAAAAAAA

This is a Zutara blog you KNEW this was coming, as it should. There's just too much. There's too damn much. I would give a real paragraph to this too, but, I mean, there's already so much proving that this was the pair. Fics, metas, rants, this site. Scroll through my blog or any of the ATLA related blogs I follow and...dude. These two were meant to be together and I'll mourn the narrative brilliance WASTED for no good reason every day for the rest of my life. No reason these two shouldn't be married with three kids. sob. I will take this part to say thank you to the amazing fic writers that gave Katara, Zuko, Mai, and Aang what they deserved that the writers didn't have the guts to give them themselves. Next point tho.

9. AANG AND ONJI

Good God almighty. Why not this? WHY NOT THIS? I'm putting on my bullet proof vest and I'm going to say this; Aanji is cuter than Zutara. Now before you scorn me or whatever, let me explain. Zutara for me is like steak. No. Chicken parmesan. I like chicken parmesan better. The point though is that Zutara is savory. You know? I don't see them as cute, I see them as Obviously. Aanji on the other hand is like a bag of my favorite candy. They are like a brownie. A cookie. Girl Scout Samoas!...I don't know what words are anymore. This post got way out of hand. I guess what I'm saying is that for Zutara, I scream, but for Aanji, I squeal. I hope that makes sense. But here's the main point I want to make. Onji never knew who Aang really was. And Aang was always, at his core, himself. She very obviously had a crush on Aang for his personality and that was crazy cute and frankly preferable to Katara's "I...guess he is." (you know exactly what I'm talking about) Anyway, I kept wanting more of them together. I wish all the time that we'd gotten to see her again, with a more fleshed out character and all. And in the way that I imagine the show should have gone, she could have been the perfect love interest for Aang, during this episode or way later, even in the comics! Another WASTED opportunity for greatness and I will, again, never recover T-T

10. Iroh get your ass back here

Maybe this is a misguided critique but I hated that Iroh just left Zuko alone in the fire nation at the end of the series. Baby was in trouble in every sense of the word and Iroh was just like "See ya! You got this nephew." I'm expected to believe that? I'm expected to accept that? No no no. He should have at least stayed for a few years to help Zuko stay upright and, you know, alive. And by "upright" I don't mean "good." I just mean been there to support him because Lord knows he needed it, at least in the beginning of his reign. It was cute that Iroh was able to settle down with his own teashop after all those years of violence and mourning and running and this and that. I was more than happy for him for being able to have that peace finally. But I still think it could have waited a little while longer so he could support Zuko.

That's it I guess. I know not everything I've said makes the most sense in one way or another, but I enjoyed putting it together all the same. Thank you for reading and have a great day. I'll go finish my final now.

(Edited for a typo)

[millakatariina64]

Happy Saiou Day!! 💙💜

So if anyone remembers last summer I said I'd post the complete portraits of my talentswap designs and a climactic scene from the AU with a full summary when they're finished? Well, I didn't forget!

So, below are my headcanons for Ultimate Supreme Leader Shuichi and Ultimate Detective Kokichi~!

(I'm really passionate about this AU, I hope you read it ':3)

(Tho no climactic scene unfortunately)

Ultimate Supreme Leader Shuichi

So first of all Shuichi's parents are still celebrities, move overseas and leave him with his uncle. However in this AU Shuichi's uncle is a politician who actually has a really good reputation. Problem is, his uncle is incredibly busy and is almost never home because of that. Still, he wants to be like his uncle (though the wish is fueled more with wanting to be good enough and accepted). Shuichi's personality is basically the same.

So then one day I Alligator girl's (Gonna call her Wani) alligator gets stolen by some group who're going to sell it and they threatened Wani to not call the police or tell anyone. So she asks Shuichi to help. Somehow they manage to retrieve the alligator together secretly (idk) and right afterwards one of Wani's friends is in trouble with some shady local business. So Wani suggests they make a group to stop these sorts of people and that Shuichi would be the leader. He agrees, he still wants to do something to make this world a better place like his uncle.

After that Wani starts asking her most trusted friends at school if they'd like to join (Shuichi would never have the social courage to ask someone that). When they get to 10 members (all girls) they stop growing for some time and decide to get themselves uniforms. When they're finally considering getting more people into the team since Shuichi doesn't really know these people, he decides to start wearing a mask to be safe. He also starts using the code name "Crow". The other 10 members go by flower names.

The group then grows a lot. And by the time Shuichi's officially scouted to be an Ultimate, it has around 1500 members. And it's making him very worried as Shuichi's not even sure anymore if he's skilled enough to lead it. The group started out stopping or changing corrupt businessmen, unethical businesses and other evil groups. And although that still is what they do, he's realized that the way they go about things is pretty illegal. (When he first realized this, he started wearing a hat.) Obviously he forbids violence, but they still use blackmail and steal information. Also they need money for the group to function at this point so they've had to get it through illegal means that Shuichi's not sure of anymore. So Shuichi is immensely scared of being revealed as the organization's leader because it would completely destroy his organization and it would also annihilate his uncle's as well as his parents' careers on the spot. Basically everything would get ruined and it would be a nation-wide scandal. Perhaps even an international scandal.

He gets even more worried when the police finally start realizing there's some sort of group that's blackmailing big businesses and start investigating.

When he gets scouted to Hope's Peak, the letter comes to his base and even HPA doesn't know his identity, just that he's a high school student. He doesn't think like he deserves the title at all since it's really his organization that does the hard stuff and Wani's the one that's made it grow and he shouldn't be panicking like this if he really was a "great leader". But he still decides to go due to "If you manage to graduate from Hope's Peak, you will be set for life!". But as his family can't know of him being scouted there as the Ultimate Supreme Leader, he forges a letter claiming he's the Ultimate Lucky Student which he shows to them. And at HPA he requests he be referred to by that title.

Problem is, now his year group has 2 Ultimate Lucky Students and a certain Ultimate Detective gets suspicious.

Miscellaneous: Shuichi really wants to use make-up but he's really afraid to at home since he feels his uncle would think it's really weird. So at the organization's base Wani heard about it and got him some makeup and now Shuichi wears makeup when on missions and at the base. Also the organization has a helicopter. (It's a central part of that climactic scene I talk so much about.) Shuichi thinks about becoming a detective perhaps, but he's not sure how he'd be able to leave his group anymore so...

Ultimate Detective Kokichi

For Kokichi I still have my pretty elaborate origin story. His early years are great until at some point his real father finds out that Kokichi's mother had actually had the Kokichi and his older twin brother with him and not her husband leaving him alone. And thus he murders Kokichi's mother out of spite. Kokichi and Tamotsu (my headcanon name for his twin) see the murder take place and flee. However, they were never actually able to make out who the murderer was and they knew even less of why their mother was murdered.

The murder never gets solved and this mystery stays in Kokichi's mind. Who ruined his life, who killed his mother?

(I feel they'd have like an uncle and their mother's husband lived with them obviously. There'd also be other factors like disposed evidence and the suspects vanishing making the murder so much harder to figure out afterwards.)

So Kokichi and Tamotsu end up at an orphanage, one related to the one Maki's at. It's kind of a terrible place, but it's where Kokichi meets (most of) Dice. They become inseparable friends (tho don't form a group with the name Dice. I'll still call them that here for clarity's sake though). However Tamotsu who had always been supporting Kokichi and being there for him at his side starts becoming bitter (jealous?) against Kokichi due to dice and starts turning against them. This is the time when Kokichi starts developing his lying to protect himself from Tamotsu as well as the borderline abusive authority at the orphanage. He's also started to figure out the dark secret of the orphanage training children to become assassins.

I feel like during this time a detective was investigating the orphanage. So when things get too dire and Kokichi and Dice escape the orphanage the detective ends up taking them in after finding them on the streets afterwards since he can't just send them to an orphanage at that point. So Kokichi and Dice end up staying with the detective and start helping him out. Kokichi's especially interested in the orphanage now and he and the detective with the help of the other Dice members figure out a lot of stuff. (This is also the time the rest of the Dice members "join".) Until one day the detective gets assassinated by someone from the orphanage sending them a message to stop the investigation.

So Kokichi takes over the Detective's office and to get by he starts working on all kinds of small cases with the help of Dice. And that's what they mostly do. Among those small cases are often cases that have something to do with saving children. However Kokichi occasionally also takes on homicides and investigates organizations. He wants to be prepared for when he finally investigates his mother's murder as well as the organization behind the orphanage. He wants those people locked up in jail forever.

Personality wise Kokichi's pretty much the same. He still loves pranks, lies all the time and would have elaborate stories (lies) about like for example how he was the one who managed to put the previous Queen of Novoselic's assassin behind bars. (The previous Queen was not even assassinated). He'd also jokingly blackmail people by claiming he knows something about them or could figure out something incriminating about them. He never really means it, though he would like try to find out harmless embarrassing secrets to mess with people.

Around the time he gets scouted to Hope's Peak he's specifically requested to assist in the investigation of a mysterious organization that steals information and sends blackmail and other such things. It's a huge flashy case, so of course he picks it up.

At Hope's Peak he then meets an (surprisingly mysterious?) Ultimate lucky student who seems really interested about his Ultimate detective talent and his lying.

Bonus

The original portraits from summer 2020. My laptop just broke when I finished the lineart and then I couldn't really edit them on my new tablet anymore and they were getting really old so I just decided to completely redo them. Also lmk if you want the sketch of the climactic scene since I'm not sure if I'll finish it even though I really like it. It looks pretty okay even if it's unfinished.

Also hope this is coherent and that I haven't forgotten anything aah. And damn if you actually made it this far gezus. This took like 4+ hours?? oops.

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff. MENTIONS OF SMUT

[Author's note: I forgot to mention that I assumed that the army burial grounds were in Capital Mitras, given that its the safest place within the Walls. The burial grounds doesn't necessarily have bodies underneath the headstones as many survey corps soldiers don't have their bodies recovered after expeditions. There's a different section in the burial grounds for soldiers whose bodies weren't recovered. The headstones there are cluttered together.]

No one's POV

(Y/N) was sitting with Levi in a carriage. Levi held her close to him, with one of his arm around her. He was genuinely worried about her as he witnessed her going through one of the toughest situation a person can possibly go through. Levi knew that because he went through something similar when Kenny left him. (Y/N) told him all about how things went with Pixis on their ride to the military burial grounds. (Y/N) rarely cried and watching her cry made his heart wrench. He wanted to see her happy for every second of her life. Sure, she was trying her best to accept the situation as it is but he knew that she was torn inside. It was just a matter of time before she vented it out. They were on their way to the scout regiment branch. Hanji and the others were already there and they were running late. Levi and (Y/N) had to report to Erwin just as they reached and Levi had a bad feeling that Erwin must've known everything about (Y/N).

After reaching, the first thing they did was going to Erwin's office. Hanji was in there when they entered. She just reported about the mission. As she was leaving, she gave (Y/N) a sympathetic smile before getting out of the room. (Y/N) and Levi reported everything related to the mission before (Y/N) started, "and, I found my biological mother." looking straight at Erwin's eyes. Erwin shifted in his seat. He didn't expect to hear this. "I see. Did you talk to her?" he asked softly. "Yes. Did you know about Commander Pixis, Uncle Erwin? That he's my biological father?" (Y/N) asked, with a cold stare at Erwin. Erwin sighed at that and said, "Yes I knew. He mentioned it when he asked me to train you."

"Ah. And why didn't you ever say it to me?" (Y/N) asked in a cold voice. "(Y/N), you had a good family. If I told you about it, you would've wanted to go to Commander Pixis and of course, you would've been disappointed. I rescued you from that place, (Y/N). I didn't want to see you get hurt anymore." Erwin said as he got up from his seat and walked towards (Y/N). (Y/N) sighed at the reply. He wasn't wrong. She was glad that he didn't tell her about it when she was younger. She probably wouldn't be able to accept the situation. "Uncle Erwin, I had to ask something from you." (Y/N) looked away from Erwin and said in a soft voice. "What is it?" Erwin asked. "I want you to walk me down the aisle." (Y/N) told Erwin, still looking away.

"I.. I'd be honoured to do that, (Y/N)" Erwin answered, surprised by the sudden request. He saw (Y/N) almost like a daughter and he knew that he was a father figure to (Y/N). It was natural that she would ask him to do this at some point but it still surprised him, given that he hid the fact that Pixis was (Y/N)'s real father and that (Y/N) just recently found out. "Uncle Erwin?" (Y/N) called out, throwing Erwin out of his thoughts. "Yes?" he asked. "Thank you" (Y/N) told him with a smile, before walking out of the door.

"That was unexpected" Levi told Erwin casually. He was watching the whole thing silently. "Yes. Indeed" Erwin answered, still quiet shaken. "Well, I'll take my leave now" Levi told him before leaving the room and following (Y/N).

Levi POV

(Y/N) was waiting for me outside Erwin's room. I certainly didn't expect (Y/N) to forgive Erwin so easily. I wanted to kill him because Mike Zacharias threw my face in a puddle and he supported it. Sure, I grew up, I stopped taking small things like that seriously, but, (Y/N) is much younger than I am and such maturity is hard to come by. I motioned her to follow me back to my room and she did what I asked.

When we reached my room, the first thing (Y/N) did after getting her shoes off was, she sat on my bed. "(Y/N), you're filthy now. At least change those clothes before sitting anywhere..." I tried to tell her but was interrupted by the look on her face. She was crying. Not like the few drops of tears in the burial grounds, she had water streaming from her face and she was sobbing quietly. I walked towards (Y/N) and hugged her. Her sobbing increased as she kept saying "Why me?" and "What did I do wrong?".

I patted her head awkwardly and told her, "You're not the one who's wrong. What's wrong, is this world.". I didn't know how to comfort her better than this. She continued to sob. "(Y/N), we'll be better parents than them. Our child will never have to face something like this. I promise, (Y/N), I'll make sure our child gets to grow up in a world without Titans or bad people." I found myself telling her. She looked at me, teary eyed. "You think we'll be good parents?" she asked me. "I don't know (Y/N). All I know is that we will try our best." I answered. She hugged me as I answered. Her sobbing stopped. Her mouth was still carved into a frown and her eyes still watery. "Let's take a bath, okay? You'll feel better when we are clean" I told her. Being clean of course made everything better.

She smiled at me and said, "How are you planning to tolerate our child? Apparantly children are supposed to be dirty". "I'll train them how to clean themselves and how to clean the house" I grunted. That somehow made (Y/N) laugh. "They are children, Levi. Not dogs." she said. "What's the difference? Both are nagging small things." I answered. At least, that's how I remembered my childhood, Kenny training me around. I think I turned out pretty well.

"I guess I'll have to give you the parenting book in Uncle Erwin's collection." (Y/N) sighed as she got up from the bed. "Huh? Why does Erwin have a parenting book?" I questioned, curious about the whole deal. "Well, he used parenting tricks on me to trick me to listen to him when we trained. Unfortunately, I came across the book and read it and tried to use a few tricks on him too. He caught on with that soon obviously." (Y/N) answered, sounding nostalgic. "Ah, I see. I'd read it then. Go take a bath now. You're getting my room filthy" I told (Y/N) as she ran to the bathroom.

2 months later

No One's POV

(Y/N) was helping Historia manage the kids in the orphanage. She had been learning a few tricks into making kids like her. Historia made her own orphanage using all the property seized from the lords. Many board meetings were held to discuss the backlash from other aristocrats but in the end, Historia ended up getting more public support than ever. Levi backed the whole thing up as the captain of the survey corps since he was from the underground, and so did Erwin, given that he had a niece who was born in the underground. (Y/N) made more name for herself as she personally carried out an operation to rescue as much children as possible from the underground along with her squad.

The media caused quiet a backlash though, now that the news of her engagement with Levi, her sudden promotion and the fact that she was unmarried and pregnant went widespread in the walls. Her past was brought up, headlines were made about the murder she committed back when she was a child.

As an answer to all these, (Y/N) finally decided to talk about her past to the media. She told them all she remembered about her life in the underground, how she was molested by Jacob and how the murder was just self defence. She of course, never mentioned Pixis since she didn't consider him as her father.

Questions that were raised about her character were hushed down when she told the media, "My promotion doesn't have anything to do with my relationship with Levi heichou. I have my own walls between my personal life and my career. If any of you made the effort to read the newspaper from when wall Rose was breached, you could see that I was branded as humanity's strongest woman. If any of you still have any faith in that, then you would know that my promotion was justified. And about my pregnancy, the problem with everyone was that the fact that I had a physical relationship before marriage, right? Well, I've had that when I was 5. I was brought up in the upper class whorehouses and I am pretty sure many of the nobles in wall Sina did unspeakable things to me. If any of you try to talk about what's right and wrong, you should go find them instead of pointing fingers at me."

The survey corps moved back to Trost, given that the next expedition will take place from there. Levi had already got the ownership of the house he paid for and he also ordered furniture for the house, which would be ready by the time the operation to take back Wall Maria was over. While Levi was busy with a pile of paperwork, (Y/N) visited the orphanage with the supply wagons from Trost along with Levi squad. She often learned new things about children here, and it seemed like the children, particularly the ones from the underground were very fond of her. A while later, Historia went off to talk to Eren and the others, who were lazing off near the fence, leaving (Y/N) with two of the children that she was playing with.

One thing the children did when they saw (Y/N) was that they asked her to tell them stories about fighting titans. When the two kids ran towards her as Historia left, she wasn't surprised. "(Y/N)-san! Tell us a story!" one of them said in an excited voice. (Y/N) smiled slightly, "Which one do you want to hear about? The one where I killed over thirty titans?" she asked, knowing that this was the most popular story so far. "No. We want to know how things were with you in the underground" the shy looking boy in the duo meekly told her. "Ah. I see." (Y/N) sighed. They never asked her about her life in the underground but given that they were from down there too, it was natural. "You look sad, (Y/N)-san... You don't have to tell us..." they tried to back away, seeing (Y/N)'s gloomy face.

"It's not that. I just... Hey, did you two know that there was a huge gap in the underground? You could see sunlight there." (Y/N) said, trying to lighten the environment, which turned out to be successful. "There really was a place like that?" one of the boys asked with a curious place. "Yes. I used to run away from the place I lived in to go see the sunlight there. I was always caught though." (Y/N) answered. "(Y/N)-san, how did you feel after coming up here?" the shy boy asked. "Well, I was so happy that it all felt like a dream. Turns out it wasn't a dream" (Y/N) answered with a smile as she ruffled both the kids hair.

"Well, I should be going now. Be good kids okay?" (Y/N) told them with a smile as they nodded to (Y/N) with smiling faces. (Y/N) walked towards Levi squad, who were done taking the supplies in the orphanage, and told them, "It's time to head back. I'll have to get paperwork for the shipment done and I don't have any intention to stay up the night.".

Sure, (Y/N) was on pregnancy leave but that didn't mean she wouldn't do office work. She even managed to train her squad once a week. She mostly advised them how to fight though since moving around too much made her feel nauseous. With a lot of arguments, (Y/N) was able to convince Erwin to let her attend the night time expeditions to create a pathway to Shiganshina for the first month but after that, as (Y/N)'s morning sickness only got worse, she had to take a pregnancy leave after being forced into it by Erwin and Levi.

(Y/N) was back in the Survey Corps HQ by evening. She entered the room to find a very stressed out Levi, who was sitting at his table, surrounded by piles of paperwork. (Y/N) had some delivered to her by someone in her squad. "How did the meeting go?" (Y/N) asked him. Levi attended an important meeting while (Y/N) was helping out Historia with supplies. The meeting was supposed to be about ensuring the date of the operation to reclaim wall Maria. After all, the survey corps were as prepared as they can be.

Hanji made amazing discoveries. Hanji, single handedly, along with Eren's powers, made the executioner from hell, a guillotine for Titans. She also had plans to make a weapon against the armoured titan, one she said, will be completed in a matter of weeks. "Erwin entrusted me with the titan serum." Levi told in his monotonous voice. "Oh..." (Y/N) replied softly. She knew what that meant. However, trusting Levi with such a big responsibility was scary for her. That man suffered enough and this would only increase it if he had to make a tough decision. After all, the decision of who gets to live and who gets to die is one that no person should ever have to make.

Both of their paperwork were done in about two hours. (Y/N), like always, went and sat on Levi's lap, kissing him as he kissed back. Their daily routine consisted of sex after paperwork. "Are we really going to have normal old sex again?" (Y/N) sighed as Levi turned his attention to (Y/N)'s neck. "I don't want to hurt the baby" Levi muttered as he continued kissing her neck. "I asked Hanji. She said being a bit rough won't hurt" (Y/N) answered to that. "Why were you talking to her about our sex life?" Levi looked at her this time, his expression showing irritation.

"Well, I want Heichou." (Y/N) pouted as she started unbuttoning Levi's shirt. "Don't tempt me (Y/N). I've been storing my desires for a long time." Levi sighed, as he worked on getting (Y/N)'s shirt off. "What do you wanna do to me, Heichou?" (Y/N) asked Levi, with a smirk as she helped Levi get her shirt off. "Tie you up and fuck you on my table?" Levi murmured as he attacked (Y/N)'s breast with his mouth. "Please do it to me Heichou. Your slut needs you" (Y/N) kept on tempting him, using the exact words he taught her to say. At this, Levi looked straight at her eyes and asked, "Does Hanji know what she's talking about?". " I'm certain she does." (Y/N) whispered before yelping as Levi threw her on his table, using the neckerchief resting on his table to tie her hands before saying, "I'll kill her if this harms the baby" and drowning the room in (Y/N)'s moans and the sound of sex.

A week later

"How far are you? I still have a stack left" (Y/N) asked Levi. They were sitting at his table, trying to get rid of their stacks of paperwork so that they can get into their daily sexual activities. "Still have two stacks left. You've gotten faster at this" Levi muttered. (Y/N) just smiled slightly and continued with her work. Suddenly, the door busted open and Hanji entered the room, again, without knocking.

"Hanji, how many times will I have to tell you to knock?" Levi told her, looking at her with his usual stoic expression. "Don't be so fussy, Levi. Oi (Y/N), you're the only other smart person around here who can help me out a bit as Erwin is too old to understand technology. Come with me to my office right now!" Hanji exclaimed, looking excited. "I have paperwork" (Y/N) answered to that in a monotone voice. "Aww come on! Paperwork won't save people!" Hanji whined. "(Y/N), get her out of here. She's giving me a headache" Levi remarked, not looking up from the document he was working on. (Y/N) sighed at that and followed a jumping and excited Hanji out of the room.

4 hours later

"So, it has to be a portable device that can break the armoured Titan's armour. The reports from back when wall Maria fell said that cannons couldn't break the armour and so we need something more portable and faster moving than the average cannon ball, according to your theory." (Y/N) summed up the case after reading all the reports, multiple books on physics that Hanji threw at her, and several design ideas that failed. At this point, (Y/N) was wondering why she skipped sex and spent the night brainstorming with Hanji. "Well, yes. The interior police gears have fast moving bullets but those are too small to get any effect on the armour. Its also not possible to give cannon balls that much speed, not with the technology available to us anyway." Hanji muttered, looking at a failed design.

"If there was a way to use the weak spots between the armour and use some sort of force to crack the armour like a walnut..." (Y/N) muttered before she looked like her head was about to explode. "Wait, why does it have to be big or speedy if we can just explode whole chunks of armour off? If we can make oversized bullets with explosives inside them, find a way to shoot them in the weaker points in the armour, the outer hard layer could be blasted off with the force. It just needs a design like some sort of spear so that it could be stuck to the weak spots instead of rolling off like cannon balls." (Y/N) stated with wide eyes.

"Wow. That didn't really cross my mind. However, to shoot them to stick to the weak point and to keep a safe distance, we need to make them somewhat like firecrackers and use some other way to tick the explosive off when its out of the hand" Hanji muttered as she furiously started making a design with all the math. "Glad I could help." (Y/N) told her as she yawned before she went back to Levi's room.

(Y/N) was woken by Levi's rapid shaking. "5 more minutes Levi" (Y/N) muttered, facing away from Levi. "Eren remembered that the man with his father was Keith Shadis. We are going to meet him now. Get up" Levi told her, trying to drag her out of the bed. "I don't give a fuck Levi. Let me sleep." (Y/N) groaned as she threw a pillow at Levi, which he ducked easily. "Suit yourself" Levi muttered as he got out of the room as (Y/N) drifted back off to sleep.

When she woke up again, it was almost evening. She walked into Levi's office to find him getting done with some big stacks of paperwork. "So you're up" Levi stated, not looking up from the document he was working on. "Seems like it. What happened at ex commander shadis's place?" (Y/N) asked with an yawn. "Nothing much. He didn't have much information to give. One thing is certain though. Eren's father was a man from outside the wall. Erwin suspects it. The expedition will take place after 2 days" Levi informed (Y/N). "Oh" (Y/N) quietly answered. Given that the beast titan, the armoured titan and the colossal titan were still at large, this mission was really dangerous. (Y/N) knew that as long as the colossal titan was there, the wall cannot be sealed. She looked at Levi, watching him sign documents with furrowed eyebrows. "This had to be tough for him, he would have to see more death", (Y/N) thought.

(Y/N) POV

I walked towards Levi and sat on his lap. "I'm not done with paperwork yet" he stated the obvious because I usually sat on his lap before sex. "I know. I just want to hold you." I answered, cupping his face with my hands. He still had a frown on his mouth but his expression was calm and gratified. I ran one of my hands through his soft hair, his undercut brushing against my skin. His eyes were showing a lot of emotions. Fear, sorrow, determination, love, it was a mixture of those.

"Levi, just come back alive. That's all I ask from you. About the titan serum, I know it's hard to make a choice. You deserve better than this but just don't regret any choice you make." I told him, pressing my forehead against his. "I know. I'll be back for you and him." Levi muttered, placing a hand on my stomach. "It could be a 'her' too you know" I stated with a smile. "I don't care as long as it's healthy." Levi said before kissing me. I kissed back, trying to how him my love for him through it. We broke the kiss after a few moments. "Go eat something. Your mouth smells disgusting" he stated as I got off his lap.

I went out to the room to go find some food in the kitchen. The cook was glad to heat up the food that Levi asked them to save for me from lunch. After eating, I decided to make Levi some tea. I walked into the now empty kitchen, as the cook was waiting for me to get my food back then and left when I took it, used a chair to fetch Levi's packet of tea from a cupboard that I otherwise couldn't reach and made some black tea. I poured a cup for him without any sugar and went towards our room. Levi looked at me, his face radiating approval as I set the warm tea in front of him. "I made a good decision" he muttered as he sipped the tea. "Hmm?" I asked him, confused about what decision he was talking about.

"The decision of proposing you if you're wondering what decision I'm talking about." he muttered, breaking my confusion. "It's just tea" I told him with a smile. "Well, it's thoughtful of you. How did you get the tin of tea leaves?" Levi asked after giving one of his rare compliments. "I got on a chair" I answered as I sat on a chair in front of Levi. I didn't have any paperwork today, so, I decided to watch Levi work. "I told you not to get on chairs. What if you fell?" Levi asked me in his usual authoritative voice. "Levi, I fought people while I'm pregnant. Its just a chair" I answered to that.

He was getting more protective every day and even if it was a nice thing, it was sort of annoying. "I forgot to mention. I've set the wedding date at two weeks after the expedition. Hanji begged me to let her do the planning. The furniture are almost ready and will be delivered on the day of the expedition. I need you to get the house decorated" Levi mentioned as he sipped the tea. A smile formed on my face as I thought that even in midst of all the tension, there was a good news.

The next day

The expedition was to take place the next day at evening. The whole Survey corps headquarter was quiet the whole day, everyone trying to acknowledge the fact that they could be walking into their deaths the next day. After all, there weren't many veterans left in the survey corps, the 57th expedition and the breaching of wall Rose took a huge toll on the Survey Corps. The night time expeditions weren't enough to give the new recruits the experience to deal with a vital mission like this one. Every time I thought about the 57th expedition, the image of the old squad Levi's deaths seemed to be projected in front of me.

Too many lives were lost in vain. I however, didn't regret Petra's death. The day went by without much exception from any other day in the survey corps, just helping Levi with his huge stacks of paperwork, that was until, dinner was served. I knew that meat would be served today as Levi mentioned their deal with the Reeves company to me. "Hanji got Flegel Reeves to get all those brats meat for the night before the expedition. I managed to cut a deal about free tea leaves" he said while we were working our way through the stacks of paperwork. As expected, the whole crowd were fighting over the meat, even after Sasha was tied up. I however, gagged at the smell of it.

I still stuffed myself with as much as I can without puking as I probably won't get the chance to eat beef anytime soon, given that its rare and expensive. Way too much expensive. A fight between Jean and Eren broke out a while later, which lasted for a while till Levi got up and kicked them in the stomach, with Jean puking as a result. Knowing very well that the smell would make me puke, I got out of the dining hall as fast as possible. I went to Levi's room, waited for him for a while and went back out to search for him. I found him sitting at a corner of the survey corps headquarter, behind a wall. On the other side of the wall, Armin was talking to Eren and Mikasa about how they would see the so called "ocean". They used to talk about it back in the trainee corps days.

Levi looked at me, a mug of alcohol in his hand as I sat beside him. He didn't say anything and we kept listening to the trio, their voices so excited as they talked about their dreams. Levi took a chug from his mug as he got a hand around my waist, pulling me closer. The trio left after a while. "Why didn't you drink back at our room?" I asked him. "I assumed that you would feel left out." he simply answered, finishing off his mug. We sat there silently for a while before Levi spoke up again. "They remind me of Farlan and Isabelle. Farlan was so curious about the world up here while Isabelle just wanted freedom from the confined underground. I just wanted to make sure their dreams came true. Now that they aren't here anymore, I don't even know why I'm still fighting. Probably because Erwin convinced me to follow him. He surely sees something beyond the walls that I can't." Levi sighed before looking at me and asking, "What do you think about this so called 'ocean'? Do you want to see it too?".

"I'm not fighting for something like that. I don't care if all there is out of the wall is more barren land. I just want to make sure that I won't loose my family ever again. The titans took my parents from me. I can't loose any more. However, it seems like everyone I care about is risking their lives for the same cause..." I muttered. "(Y/N), let's go back. I don't want you to catch a cold" Levi announced before getting up, not looking drunk at all. That man had an amazing alcohol tolerance.

The next day

I woke up late. Levi was already gone. If they didn't feed us that goddamned meat last night, I wouldn't have been puking all day and sleeping like a log due to fatigue. I dressed up as fast as possible, hoping to find the survey corps battalion still rallied up. I ran to the stable, got on my horse and galloped towards the wall of Trost. The battalion wasn't gone yet but they were being carried over the wall by lifts. I hoped that Levi and Uncle Erwin weren't gone yet. I took my horse to a nearby stable, paid a stable boy to look after it and ran towards the rally. I saw Levi, Uncle Erwin and Hanji waiting for the lift with their squads.

I walked towards them and asked Levi, "Why didn’t you wake me up?". " You didn't look like you wanted to be waken" he simply answered, receiving a sigh from me. "Anyway, I was here to wish you all good luck." I smiled at them. "Hanji, don't be reckless or die. I need to go shop for a wedding dress with you." I told Hanji as she gave me a small smile. Everyone here were wearing solemn expressions. Levi squad walked towards me before I was able to say anything to Uncle Erwin. "Did you come to see us off?" Connie asked me with a smile. "Yes I did. You guys, don't die." I told them, giving them all a big group hug.

"Oi Mikasa, protect them too along with Eren" I told Mikasa as she nodded at me. "We aren't kids (Y/N)..." Eren started but was cut off by Jean who was saying something about respecting the fact that I care. I slipped away from the group and walked back to Uncle Erwin and Levi. "Uncle Erwin, promise me you'll be back alive. I need you at my wedding" I told Uncle Erwin. He smiled at me as he put on his hand on my shoulder before saying, "I won't miss it for the world". Happy with his answer, I turned to Levi and told him, "Don't die, okay?". " I won't" he replied. "Make sure uncle Erwin comes back" I told him. "I will" he answered as he was called to get on the lift.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, we all know what would happen to Erwin... Well, in respect for him, I'll be writing my second spin off chapter, the one which states of the time (Y/N) spent in the orphanage after the fall of wall Maria before jumping into Erwin's death. I'm trying to give (Y/N) some character development before working my way up to new chapters where she will be leading her own squad in future expeditions.]

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder