#but dont wanna ramble so me an my thoughts are gonna sit here

[comet-wire]

Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿

Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿

[evie-sturns]

period - 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗼

summary: you unexpectedly get your period after spending the night with chris, he does everything he can to make you feel better.

contains: mentions of blood, fluff, crying, swearing.

----------------┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐------------———

chris and i have been dating for almost two months, i sleep over at his house often though, including last night.

9:46am

i'm rudely awakened by frantic tapping on my shoulder, i rub my eyes and roll over where i'm met with chris's distraught face. "hm..?" i groan out.

"y/n, are you okay" chris rambles, his vision flicks between my eyes and the matress.

"what..?" i mumble, my vision is still partially blurred from the sudden wake up.

"you're bleeding" chris says quietly, swallowing harshly.

i sit up, the matress is dotted with blood, along with the small pyjama set i wore last night.

my period has always been irregular, ever since i was about 12. i'd never know when it would come but i would just deal with it when it did.

my stomach sinks, my cheeks instantly flush from embarrassment, this is the kind of thing thats meant to happen 2 years into your relationship, not 2 months.

my eyes start to burn, im already an emotional person but now that this has just happened i don't think i can physically be okay.

"im so sorry chris." i say, my voice breaking.

chris clears his throat, i can tell he's slightly awkward about this.

the silence in the room grows, but is quickly cut short by a sob coming from me. chris's head snaps round to look at me, "oh fuck-.. no its okay!"

he gets out of bed, without a second thought he leans over the matress and picks me up in a bridal position. he speed walks to the bathroom, "look at me." chris says calmly as i cry into his shoulder, i tilt my head up and lock eyes with him. "don't cry sweetheart, it doesn't matter to me."

i nod with a sniffle, he places me down on two feet. "you wanna get in the bath?" chris says gently.

"yeah.." i say, my voice still wobbling.

i stand still with my hands by my side vulnerably. "you want me to.." chris whispers, keeping his eyes locked on mine. "if you dont mind.." i reply.

he reaches his hand out and peels my tank top off of my body, along with my shorts. he does it so nonchalantly its impressive.

chris has only seen me naked once, which was only a week or so ago after our first hookup.

he flicks the bath on, putting his finger under the stream to check the temperature before lifting me up and placing me down.

chris bends over and picks up the pyjamas, before leaving the bathroom, closing the door behind him. i throw my head back as soon as he goes "how did this happen." i groan to myself.

-

about 10 minutes has passed, the whole time i've just been trying to calm myself, crying about this isn't gonna make it any less embarrassing for me.

my head snaps to the side as i hear 2 soft knocks on the wooden door, "come in" i say with a forced smile, chris peeks his head round the corner with a sympathetic look. hes got a freshly folded pair of sweatpants and a hoodie in his arms, which he places down on the sink. "you okay?" he asks casually, sitting down on the side of the tub.

"i mean, i'm okay as i can be right now!" i smile warmly up at chris,

he reaches into his pocket and clears his throat "i found this downstairs, i think one of nick's friends left it here-..uh" chris murmmers, pulling a tampon out of his pocket.

"thank you chris, honestly i'm sorry about being a pain." i sigh, chris shakes his head "no you're good, promise."

"just gonna go make the bed, yeah?" chris sits up off the tub and walks out of the bathroom.

-

after getting myself together i open the door to the bedroom, chris is sitting on the bed, laying the pillows out strategically. i feel like a kid thats just thrown up, staring at my parent who just had to bathe me and clean the sheets.

he stands up and runs over to me full force, grabbing me around my waist and picking me up, earning a high pitched squeal from me. "chris!!" i screech as he flops down on the bed with me still in his arms.

"what can i actually do to repay you." i whisper into chris's chest.

"give me some awesome head next week."

"christopher."

----------------┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐------------———

[kenlvry]

Hey mootie could I request Kenny, Kyle, stan, and Craig with a fem s/o who just basically lays her head on their lap when stressed?

reader who lays her head on their lap

an, HEYYYY 🤞😝😝 okay boo hope you like this. ALSO THIS WAS SOOO RUSHED LIKE UNDER 30 MINUTES

kenny

kenny entered your house expecting a warm welcome from you but was greeted with you pacing around the living room

"are you okay?, you wanna talk abt it?" he said sitting down the couch "KEN I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO" you approached him laying down on the couch and layed your head on him.

he was like woah 🤭 "well damn if you wanted to relieve it on me its my pleasure" readjusting his sitting position smirking.

"dont make me bite your dick off" he immediately apologises.

its become a habit of yours, you'd text him to come over and lay your head on his lap while rambling about the thing your so stressed about. he loves it sm, he listens to whatever your saying not even paying attention because he was looking at you the whole time.

he'd definitely think you wanted to do something else iykyk but you just make a disgusted face to him.

sometimes you just lay there not talking about anything just enjoying the moment,sometimes youd fall asleep and kenny is having major cramps but he couldn't move for the sake you.

stan

okay when you first did this to him he may or not have stood up and pushed you down

i mean he also thought you were gonna something else.,, he was too shocked to say anything.

when you explained he just groans in embarrassment. anyways he loves it, he would stare at you for so long while you just kick your feet repeatedly bc of something cursing the living hell of that someone, you'd have to bring him back to reality alot of times.

he can tell when your stressed and would immediately get in to position, your face looks like your about to drop the most shocking news ever? his lap is empty and is ready.

one time you slept and so did he, when he woke up he completely forgot you were there and stood up making you fall.

you didn't lay on his lap for a long time after that...

he sometimes takes pics of you sleeping which is kinda creepy but he swears its not 🤷

kyle

loves this, its one of the things he loves about you. the way you just lay your head on his lap rambling or just laying there stressed not talking about it until ur ready

he strokes your hair when you do this and just nods and smiles when you ask if he agrees on something

also takes your pics, he either uses it as his profile picture or his background no inbetween

TBH I THINK HE'D LAY ON YOUR LAP TOO YK?? i mean you dont mind you love it so winwin

craig

he doesn't say nun but inside he is kicking his feet covering his face rolling around screaming and jumping around

subconsciously strokes your hair and when he realizes it he pulls away

"YEAH AND IDK WHAT TO DO ITS JUST SO FRUSTRATING" you cover your face and groan "yep true ☺️" while stroking your hair

sometimes you catch him staring at you just staring, no emotions not even a smile no thoughts just 😐 inside hes like "her eyes are so pretty" "please dont get up" "stay here longer please"

[snobgoblin]

ok I've been sitting on this theory for a while because of a few factors, and also I was afraid that the whole fandom has this unspoken rule that you're not supposed to spoil this thing but Thun said it should be fine if I include a warning. SO CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED. massive Arcana spoilers ahead. if I'm right. which I'm not gonna make you think I'm right but *I* very much do think I'm right and this was fun to come up with

I'm gonna apologize in advance, I really wish I could articulate this better but it's ultimately just gonna sound like the ramblings of a madman because I've been so in my own head, so please forgive me 😭

anyway. the takeaway: Lucio was never The Devil. he is The Fool. the PLAYER was actually The Devil all along. and the reason Scout still exists despite the player having the body of The Fool is because... that body is Lucios.

now this is the part where I show you some evidence out of order

⭐️evidence for Lucio being The Fool:

first of all he doesn't even share that many traits of The Devil. not any more than the demons anyway- obsession? well, the demons are all obsessed with something, that's kind of their whole thing, and we know they have different associated patrons. material wealth? well, Nadia is wealthy and she's not associated with The Devil. not to mention Lucio wasn't even always wealthy, he grew up in the mountains. you know what Lucio does embody though? recklessness. adventure. inexperience. traits of The Fool

another evidence is like, the whole ritual. I only mapped out those seats we know FOR SURE are occupied and by who (but it's easy to assume that they are seated in numerical order based on this. I left out the speculation for the sake of clarity here and besides the ritual is a theory for another day) ANYWAY. anyway. wouldn't you know it but the sectioning on the table corresponds with the phases of The Fool's Journey (we know for sure that The Devil is sitting at the head of the table, with Morga taking up the other head. to the Devil's side are the Apprentice and Volta, and so on) (I know there's a whole bunch of people not present at the table but again a theory for another day)

AND THATS KIND OF WHAT STARTED THIS THEORY IN THE FIRST PLACE, why isn't Lucio in The Devil's seat. he's in The Fool's seat! he says he was right next to Asra which is where the player would have been sitting and we know the Devil was THERE during the first ritual because he was overseeing it and people bargained with him. he wouldn't be able to sit anywhere but the Devil's seat. Lucio was sitting in The Fool's seat

also, just, some design aspects, such as the colors of the eyes and everything and also, in one if the concept art, Lucio is almost wearing a tunic (like the Rider-Waite card) and also has a feather in his hat that PERFECTLY matches the one on that card (I don't know if I'm allowed to show you that or I would)

this point is a little looser because this isn't something exclusive to Lucio, but people call him a fool a lot. specifically in Dawn of the Grub he says this

also this one's a little bit of a reach but the way the Fool card doesn't have an animal on it and Lucio, when he was a kid, struggled with his identity in relation to animals, like he didn't wanna be associated with beetles but he didn't know what else he was

also I think Asra says that basically Lucio just thought The Devil looked cool and that's why he latched onto him. it's really not much deeper than that. Lucio only THINKS he's tied to the Devil. but Lucio isn't to be trusted especially when it comes to magic. hell, when he visits the Devil's realm his first thought is "I'll have to remember these decorations for the palace" he just has a fascination with The Devil. which is actually part of The Fool's journey

AND I THINK. MOST IMPORTANTLY. Lucios association with dogs. i dont think its a coincidence that hes so aggressively a dog person and I believe that Mercedes and Melchior are representative of the two different interpretations of The Fool's Dog (some guiding, some hurting) because Mercedes is definitely more violent (bit off Melchiors ear) and I won't bother explaining their personalities you probably already know. also Lucios masquerade mask is a dog and also in one ask Nadia compares him to a yapping purse dog

not to mention, Lucios favorite flower is a white rose which is present on the rider-waite card and he also has this thing where he wants to be a hero, which is something the Fool represents (main characters/heroes)

also the devs stated Lucios favorite pokemon is Houndoom. how interesting, a dog with horns... surely that couldn't be symbolic 😉

also this interaction just in general

and like in my first playthrough of Lucios route I kinda just assumed "Lucio switched patron Arcana because the Apprentice used blood magic on him" when people referred to Lucio as The Fool at the end but that doesn't make sense in hindsight, I don't think it's that he switched at all it's just, that's always who he was

⭐️ evidence for the Apprentice being The Devil:

first of all, their power. the power to break chains, the power to break binds. it's said that this is a power unique to them, but why would they have the power to break the Devil's chains if they were not associated with The Devil? that card can mean "escaping entrapment" and the entrapment is sometimes represented by chains. it makes sense that, being The Devil's beneficiary, they would share his power. like Nadias intuition

also, The Devil almost STATES that you have a connection to him

also, this one's more silly but Natiqa says this.........

also, I don't have a screenshot but I remember the Devil might have said something during the ritual like "you're all in your proper seats... and MC, well, I suppose one Fool is as good as any other" <- implying that they are not a good fit and are only there because of their fools body

⭐️ evidence for the body of The Fool being Lucios

ok so Scout is The Fool yeah? that much is obvious I think. even in the concept art book, Scout is pictured next to that card. so then... how does the Apprentice have that body

Muriel says that the ritual was Asras idea

I believe that what happened was Asra wanted to use the ritual to force Lucio out of his body so he could revive the player with it

and I think that Lucio wasn't even murdered, he was just separated from his body, and that the ashes in the bed are not his remains. he did not "die" in bed, he "died" in the ritual room. why would there be ashes there? well, the courtiers are trying to frame Julian, of course they'd plant evidence. and Voltas footprints are in the ashes... it was all a set up

there's also that whole thing of Lucio calling the player a body stealing thief, and the fact that the player had to relearn to walk when they obtained this body but Lucio seems to function with it just fine. because it's his! he's used to it

-----------------

GOD I *know* I had so many more points to make but I think that's plenty. I'll add on in a rb if I think of any more but it's really hard to remember... I hope that makes sense enough because at this point this theory has seeped into the very bones of this game for me and I see evidence of all of this every time I play it. it's so fun to look for BSBFNDBDB and I really just have. a ridiculous amount of analysis based on this but that's for another time BDBFBDND does this make sense? God I hope it does

ALSO ALSO PS please understand this doesn't like, say anything about their morality or anything to me. this doesn't automatically mean "Lucio is good and the Apprentice is bad" I think they're both nuanced, just like the cards

[lolawassad]

Flora

Ben hargreeves x female!reader

this is kinda bad sorryyy kinda went off request sorry :((

Based in season 3 so spoilers! same tw as TUA reader cries

Hi 🥹 Could I request Ben Hargreeves x Reader where reader used to be in a relationship with the old Ben before he moved on into the afterlife and sparrow Ben catches on to their trauma and falls for reader and does everything he can to be good for them, I know it’s weirdly specific but I just thought it’d be cute 🥺

Luther has you thrown over his shoulder while Diego Lila and Five follow behind "Lila dont let him do this to me! i thought we where in love" you yell out making Lila "oh baby we are in love thats why im letting him do this"

Diego scoffs "why are you so nice to my little sister and not to me what is this?" he asks making Lila scoff back "look at her" she says poiting at your pouty face "I DONT WANNA SEE BEN" you yell out making Sloane look at you

"Y/n i dont know why you dont like Ben but you need to get over it-" she goes to say but is cut off by the door opening to the house "finally you oafs are here" Ben says

"Put y/n down" Allison scolds making Luther glare at her before putting you down, you quickly walk over to Allison ignoring Ben and let her lead you to the living room

When everyone is in the living room you walk over to Five before sitting down on the floor in front of him and putting your head on his thigh "i dont wanna be here" you whisper softly

Ben is talking to Fei and every once in a while his eyes shoot towards you, before he sends a glare to Five who is now playing with your hair "lover boy keeps glaring at me" Five tells you with a chuckle

You open your mouth to reply but are interupted by a "where is he?" "Viktor" someone says

An argument breaks out and Ben plops down on the couch next to Five "20 on the little one" Ben says "Ill take that action" Five replies before leaning down and placing a kiss to the top of your head and sending a smirk to Ben

The latter scoffs making your head turn to him before it quickly turns back around, hand squeezing your dress tightly "i know Harlan killed all our mothers"

You let out a gasp, free hand reaching for the first thing it can hold, which happens to be Ben's knee, his eyes shoot to your hand in shock before he reaches and holds onto your hand, squeezing softly with a soft look on his face "Viktor you didnt tell us, hes the reason we are in this and you lied to us.. to me about it" you ask, face filled with hurt

"y/n look thi-" Viktor starts but is cut off but you raising your hand that was squeezing your dress "just please dont Viktor"

Five looks from Viktor to you before seeing Ben holding your hand, Five sends a glare to Ben before he peels your hand out of Ben's and holds it in his own, he leans over to Ben and starts whispering "dont touch my sister, a version of you hurt her before im not gonna let you hurt her aswell" Five sneers before pulling you onto his lap, arms wrapping around you protectivly

You squeeze his hand softly and let him hold you "SHUT YOUR MOUTH" you hear Allison yell making you flinch in Fives arms "how are you doing this without saying i heard a rumor?" Five asks shocked

"just a little residual gift from Harlan" Allison replies

"Allison you need to stop" you gasp out looking at your sister choking your brother "ALLISON" you yell out when she doesnt stop, you jump up and throw your arm in the air, a vine shoots out and softly hits Allison making her lose focus and release Viktor

Five grabs onto your waist and pulls you inbetween him and Ben and when they notices Allison glaring at you they glare right back

Small time skip

You look at the kugelblitz "i could just make a box, no need to endanger Christopher i mean what if it goes wrong" you ramble "its like if it explodes the vines ill only feel a small burning in my veins, if its inside big C HE WILL DIE" you yell the last part, you start pacing "i mean we already lost so many people to this fuck fuck, we dont need to lose more"

Ben grabs your arm and his other hand grabs your face softly "Hey dollface calm the fuck down, everything is gonna work out just fine" he whispers and you melt into his touch, his face turns into shock, ever since you have gotten here you have barely even looked at him and now your melting in his touch

"Have you ever moves a nest of bees?" Sloane asks Lila scoffs "No because thats weird"

You step away from Ben "Lila you have remember when i summoned all those flowers and bee nests n you just threw one at me its probably like that" "its not like that at all dont give her ideas please" Sloane is quick to shut your idea down "kinda rude" you mutter before walking over to Diego, you manhandle his arms so he is holding you against his chest

"you couldve just asked me to move my arms you know that right? why are you and Lila like this?" Diego asks making you snort "its because Lila and i are soulmates, when this is over she and i shall marry"

"Thats true!" Lila says "Okay lets do this thing, i got a girl to wife up"

Diego lets go of you, he presses a quick kiss to your forehead and pushes you into Ben "she gets hurt im fucking killing you" Diego spits to Ben before he walks up to Grace who has just appeared

You burry your head into Ben's chest who holds onto you tightly "Look" he says while walking backwards until he hits the wall and is out of Grace's sight "I dont know what that other Ben did to you, but im not like him okay? Please give me a chance, i mean its the end of the fucking world, please give me chance" he begs softly "i can see that he hurt you but i would never hurt you" he confesses

Grace shoots fire in your direction and Ben goes to spin you around so his back is towards Grace but you break out of his grip, you put your arms to your side before pulling roots from the ground and wrapping her up fully in the roots, you throw her to Five who blinks them away

Ben grabs onto your wrist and spins you around "she couldve fucking hurt you" he scolds "but she didnt, see i can do things, im useful!" you beam making Lila yell "HELL YEAH YOU ARE" making Sloane scold her "focus!"

Christopher closes the Kugelblitz inside of him and Lila falls to the ground, you rush out of Ben's grip and run to Lila putting her head on your chest "fuck yeah love boobs in my face" Lila says with a smirk making you snort "OKAY YEAH ENOUGH THATS MY SISTER LILA" Diego yells "stop hitting on my sister why are you like this?" he asks her

Another small time skip

Everyone is now in the living room, people are dancing, Viktor is on the couch, Allison in the doorway, and y/n is laying on the floor surrounded by flowers and holding a bottle of soda, bees and butterflies flying around her

Footsteps approach her before someone lays down next to her "you not drinking?" Five asks her "no one of us idiots should stay sober" you tell him making him hum in agreement, he puts his arm around your shoulder "i love you, thank you for being here for me" Five says his words slurring a little

"i love you too little man" "I AM NOT LITTLE" Five yells out making you laugh "sure Five sure" you say before getting up, placing a kiss on his forehead

You walk outside the living room into a hallway and outside the door, you lay down in an empty field, the field fills with colorful flowers immediately

Its then a shockwave hits "I FUCKING TOLD THEM" you yell before running back towards the building, you run into Diego and Lila "Hotel hotel hotel" they yell out while pointing towards it the three of you run towards the hotel

"im done" you yell out when you enter the hotel, you throw yourself on the hard floor "leave me here to die!" you dramatically exlaim Ben walks up to you and sits down pulling your head onto his lap "so what now genius" he sarcastically asks Five "Paws off my sister, knock off, also that was your plan so its your fault" he fights

"NO FIGHTING" you yell "you guys shouldve just let me used my vines but nooo nobody ever listens to y/n because people cant be pretty and smart acording to you, you guys are all just.. just y/nphobic?" you ask "yeah y/nphobic" you say before getting up and sitting at the bar

You listen to everyone and when Ben and Diego start fighting in another language you turn around "thats kinda hot" you loudly say making Lila agree

Ben turns to look at you with a smirk and he walks up to you "yeah no" he is quickly stopped by Luther "not my sister" he says "SAYS THE GUY WHO IS DATING MY SISTER" Ben yells out

"can you guys stop" you say before walking over to Ben and put your head on his chest, he softly holds onto you and places a kiss on the top of your head

"can we all just be nice to eachother? we are all gonna die" you ask them "please" you beg softly, voice cracking tears filling your eyes, Ben softly rocks you "dont cry flora" he whispers

Ben walks backwards and sits down on a chair pulling you to straddle his lap, you put your head in the crook of his neck

Luther clears his throat "we've uh got a little announcement to make" "we are engaged!" they finish together, you giggle against Ben's neck "the world is ending lets get married!" you mock softly making Ben smirk

Its then Klaus walks up "KLAUS!" you yell getting up from Ben's lap and jumping onto your brother "I thought you died!" you say making klaus laugh "IM IMMORTAL" he yells spinning you around "Okay nathan young" you say making Klaus laugh

"yeah not to interupt the reunion but can i have my girl back?" Ben asks looking at you and Klaus "yeah ofcourse benerino!" Klaus says carrying you over to Ben "WAIT YOUR GIRL?" Klaus asks dropping you "OUCHIE" you yell out with a pout "Klausie why do you hate me?" you ask

Ben walks up to you and holds his hand out for you before pulling you up and dragging you back to the chair and onto his lap again "touch her again and ill kill you okay?" Ben says to Klaus making you slap his shoulder "be nice thats my favorite kinda gay sibling" you tell Ben making him lift his hands in the air "sorry doll"

"you gotta be nice to my family" you say before letting yourself fall from Ben's lap "wait why did you bring dad?" you ask klaus with a pout "We dont like that guy"

Ben goes to reach out for you but Five sends him a glare and blinks to you before blinking you both to a chair

Time skip to the buffalo room on the other side

When you get separated from Diego and Lila you go to find them, you end up in the lobby where you fall to your knees and you start crying, you hear loud footsteps run into your direction before you are pulled into someones arms "I got you doll, let it all out" Ben whispers

"Its too much Ben its too much" you sob out holding onto him "i know angel i know" he says holding onto you tighter "its almost over, i promise you, my love, and when this is over i hope you will let me show you how good we would be together"

Diego walks up behind Ben "y/n whats wrong?" he asks, you go to reply but only sobs come out "shes overwhelmed" Ben tells him "Its fine i got her" he continues making Diego nod at him before he walks back to Lila

Its then the ceiling smashes, Ben pushes you so you slide and land next to Allison, Five starts yelling about stars and they all get on one, when the life starts draining from everyone you get up, tears still rolling down your cheeks "im not losing him again" you whisper before using your powers to find a apple seed inside reginalds stomach, you focus on it growing

Reginald falls to the ground with a tree growing from his mouth, you rush over to Ben and pull his head to your chest "are you okay?" you ask him, Ben just smiles before he pushes his head up and just as his lips are about to hit yours you are all teleported

You frown and walk out of the elevator only to be pulled in someones arms "IM ALIVE!" Luther yells while squeezing you, you sniffle tears dried to your cheek, you slap Luther "how dare YOU DIE ON ME" you ask before bursting into tears again "i thought i lost you you dumb oaf"

Luther looks around shocked, Ben walks up and gets me out of Luther's arms "Hey flora its okay" Ben says while stroking your hair, Diego and Lila walk up to you "we are leaving, you wanna come with us?" Lila asks "we can finally get married!" she beams making you giggle "no you guys go ahead" you say

Diego frowns "you gonna go with Viktor or Five?" he asks making you shake your head "i would like to go with Ben if he is okay with that?" you ask looking up at Ben whose face breaks into a smile "really? course im fucking okay with that my little angel" he says before lowering his head and pressing his lips on yours

"NO THATS MY WIFE" Lila yells "y/n your cheating on me now?" you hear Lila's voice fade and Diego scoff

"stop sucking faces with my sister" Five says making you pull away from Ben "oops" you softly say making ben chuckle

"Listen Ben, you hurt my sister and i will personally be the cause of your death okay? and ill make it look like an accident" Viktor threatens making you shiver in Ben's hold "Im not gonna hurt her, she means the world to me" he says before he starts pulling you with him

"Lets get started on our new life Flora"

[bizlybebo]

For your final thoughts on PD once you finish, I present to thee:

This ramble ask

How ya feeling?

HOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTT ENDYYYYY

ENDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IT. I WAS NOTTTT EXPECTING ANYYYY OF THISSSS AAAAAAAAAAJRGBTJKWEFREGTKWEFREGTKRFGNYT

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE ASKING FOR BY SENDING IN THIS ASK. KJREHKJERHD

this is probably gonna be even longer than my ramble after completing the greyscale series so once again i dont expect you to read all of this but OHHH YM GODDD i need to dump my thoughts somewhere cause HOLY SHITTT

after writing this out i really only managed to touch on the last 2-3 episodes but yk. there are my thoughts on the ending so it makes sense. i dont think we wanna see how big my ramble on the entire fucking series could get

spoilers ahead for anyone else who sees this: literally all of prime defenders s1 and s2

ashe came home.

ashe fucking CAME HOME.

now, i had a feeling since about episode 35 that ashe was certainly coming home, because there was so much buildup, yakko did an ashe cosplay, etc. like it would have been stupid for her not to return at that point. plus i kept seeing people drawing a post-trickster ashe and was like huh.

so essentially, i thought that because i Knew, i wouldn't get blindsided by these final episodes. in fact, knowing almost made it more... bearable? i guess, because i could hold onto the light at the end of the tunnel that ashe was 100% coming home. it almost made me feel the same hope that the group was feeling about ashe, because i had that certainty and faith in the good ending.

and then william wisp fucking died. again.

i was really sleepy when i was listening to that scene but still persisting because my anxiety was slowly increasing as the episode went on, but when the trickster just. plunged his hands through william's chest i was FULLY awake just sitting in absolute shock. i'm not the kind of person to cry huge tears over media (i think the only time i non-happy cried watching riptide was ep 53), but when william died For Real i actually gave a good few sobs. i was no longer sleepy i was just in shock and then in grief.

and i was like. oh shit. maybe there is no good ending.

something like that ENTIRELY blindsided me in such a crazy way that it had me doubting ashe would even come home.

and i kept thinking, hey, no, he's risen before, he'll be okay! but then he went to the fucking spirit realm. he got dispensed there with kumori and began the first day of forever and i was like oh. shit.

william was gone.

and the REACTIONS from dakota and vyncent were both so guttural and real and true to their characters in their own ways. like so good it's nearly painful to think about.

dakota's loud. he's loud and he's rambunctious because he's dakota. he never speaks below a shout.

but when william was torn in half, he wasn't shouting, he was wailing. the absolute shock and denial he was in haunts me dude.

dakota's was begging william not to do this to him. he could forgive william for so much-- for lying to him, for not asking for his help, for fucking killing jade, but he could never forgive william for dying.

dakota's not the kind of kid to ask, y'know? if something doesn't go the way it should to him then he'll fight abrasively and outwardly for what he believes is right, or in the harder cases he'll bite the bullet and take the fall.

but here, he was pleading with william to just. not die.

and i think the final thing that shattered my faith that hey, maybe william wasn't gone was that tide was so accepting of it. he fell to his knees, he grieved and he was torn apart for a second, but then he was back up, holding dakota, going as far as to use a whole turn in initiative to only hug his boy despite the deadly circumstances. despite the world falling apart around them. to loosely quote my other mutual cayden (<333), "at the end of everything hold onto something and dakota had to hold onto tide because it was the end of everything for him" and i think that's just. the only way i can really phrase it. top 10 moments that rewired my brain chemistry

and dont get me started on dakota LITERALLY JUMPING THROUGH HELL FOR EVERYBODY. JUMPING THROUGH HELL, LOOKING THE TRICKSTER IN THE EYES AS HE DID SO. LIKE I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT SOARING THROUGH THE BURNING SKIES OF THE CHAOS REALM? THE REALM THAT CORRUPTS AND WARPS EVEN THE STRONGEST DEMONS? AND STILL COMING OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE BECAUSE YOU'RE DAKOTA MOTHERFUCKING COLE AND YOU SIMPLY REFUSE TO SUCCUMB?? FUCKING INSANEEE.

and. fucking. fuck.

vyncent. MOTHERFUCKING. sol.

when i fucking catch condifiction.

vyncent sol is such an interesting fucking character. most of the time i'm like "there is something deeply wrong with him <3" in an endearing sense because yknow. he's a little strange. he's not from around here.

but oh my god.

vyncent sol, THE character development guy ever.

he starts off season 1 violent, unable to control his powers. he's violent, and he's scared, and he's homesick, and he's like a skittish dog who bites when it gets nervous because he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing here.

but he changes. he grows.

he gets his closure with fauna, yeah, but then he finds a new home. he finds himself in a flying car, chasing after the fucking lich, watching william and dakota fighting in the front seat like a married couple, and he just thinks yeah. this is home.

and he doesn't quite unlearn his violence or his vengeance but they do certainly shift gears (also tidbit-- the 'fatal flaw' of justice is vengeance which is part of why i chose him for that human soul in the undertale shit i was telling you about :D).

his character is about balance. he has to learn not to be reckless and violent like in season 1, while also not apathetic and taking inaction like he did in s2 episodes 31 and 32.

at the end of everything, he protects william with his life, ready to interpose any attack. he thinks that he can do right by somebody this time, act now so that there aren't any consequences later (y'know, like he never did with jade, or ashe, or the lich).

but william. still. dies.

the sheer anger that vyncent felt in that moment was overshadowed so strongly by his grief, but it was still there. i can't even put it into words without going on a whole nother tangent but oh my fucking god. dude. vyncent sol has irreparably rewired my brain he is all i'm gonna think about.

prime defenders honestly is just THE character development show in general. i haven't even touched on william's development, on how he put faith in his friends over mal even if he knew it was going to make things much harder because he trusted dakota and vyncent so much. on how he literally got killed, repeatedly, over and over, in the spirit realm for 12 hours straight. on how he dirtied his hands during the greyscale arc out of fear.

on how he finally. stopped. running. stopped trying to escape who he was. but still won't come out of the closet

and god this is a looooong fucking ramble and i haven't even said much yet, this is only me screaming about the last two episodes really, but so much has happened in them that i just AUUUUGUGHGGHGHJKTEHRKJ

and. holy fucking shit.

JADE??? MAY STILL BE ALIVE??? D OYOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING FERAL IM GOING OVER THIS JADE CANTRIP VENGEANCE ARC. I NEEEEEED XAVIERRRR TO SEE HER AGAINNNN JADE AND XAVIER'S FRIENDSHIP MEANS SO FUCKING MUCHHH TO MEEEEE

AND ATLAS? BRO POOR FUCKING ATLAS. he really could not catch a fucking break for the ENTIRE series. when bizly started describing the 'odd fizzling' i was like 'man this guy is just going THROUGH it with his career i feel kinda bad for him' and then.

he was dead.

i think grizzly said it best, how bizly has to 'keep reminding us that prime defenders is r-rated' cause yk. the sudden violence/gore. it was so impactful you were so right when you were talking about tonal whiplash because holy SHIT.

like we were just in mario kart hell chasing after le frog who stole pizza he couldnt even eat cause he was vegetarian. and then atlas' throat was slit and he was marked with an x. (x as in xavier's vigilante persona????????RTEHRTTT$YRJHTTETR)

im just AUGUGHGHGH so FUCKING UNWELLLL OVER THIS ENTIRE SERIES. I'M SO STOKED FOR WONDERLUST BUT ALSO THAT MEANS PRIME DEFENDERS PROBABLY WON'T RETURN UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR OR EVEN LATER.

i need a prime defenders christmas episode. dearly.

the bright side of this is that now i can write a shit ton of fic + inhale every single fic under the prime defenders tag on ao3.

but GODDD this is the most gutwrenching piece of media ever. i've never had such a strong hyperfixation since 2020 because the world is just so good. every single character and npc means the world to me. even summer and doug are constant subjects of my brainrot. even fucking lightspeed and harlem and aughughugnjtr.

thank you for the ask endy lmao im FUCKING CLAWING AT THE WALLS OVER THIS SHOW. AIUKGHEJHW

JADE CANTRIP REVENGE ARC PLSPSLPLSPLSPLSPLSPLS. I NEED HER TO COME BACK AND I NEED HER TO COME BACK WRONG AND I NEED XAVIER TO BE TERRIFIED OF HIS BEST FRIEND EVEN THOUGH IT'LL EMOTIONALLY DESTROY ME AKTJHETRKJTRWKERE

okay that's. all i can say for now

[spookyserenades]

THIS IS FOR 1ST YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF TROUVALLE 🎉 🎊 🍾

Readers answer this Prompt- what is your fav moment between y/n and each of the members? (posted by anon).

HERE IS MY RESPONSE!

Jungkook- at first I thought my fav moment would be his 1st scenting scene but after reminiscing on it for awhile I feel like my fav moment with him so far was the bench scene. I don’t know why, but theres something about her reassuring him that she has no favorites that just warms my heart ❤️ also when he thanked her for his b day celebration it was so SWEEET! (Ik thats two moments but i cant choose between then :,(

Taehyung- The moment when tae back hugs y/n at his first art exhibit while they look at the photo he took of her 🥹 that moment is tied with the moment y/n said she trusted him after he told her what happend while he was trying to escape. 

Jimin- Gonna be honest it was hard for me to think of a specific moment between them, I could be wrong but I haven’t seen my mans in a while (besides little tiny moments) 😭. My fav moment has to be when y/n gave surprised him with visa 🥺 she literally shipped a HORSE for him omg 😱 he’s just a manly country man and any time y/n gets the hots for him (like when he was working on the roof of the barn 😉) is always fun lol. Also after his scenting scene (which obvi I love duh) when he talks abt his family and sis 🥺😔

Hobi- The moment when hobi whistles after jin and y/n enter the house after hobi called them when they were sitting in the trunk. He whistles and gets nervous that she gets annoyed by it but she calls it charming and says that its a great way she can find him when hes lost at the grocery store 🥺🥹 sorry i know im rambling but its so cuuute. His scenting scene is also super intense and one i really enjoyed 😉 

Yoongi- The scene during his first basketball game where she ran into his arms!!! He was looking for HER and it is so heart warming to read over and over again. Anytime they tease each other in the kitchen as well!

Joon- Ok, I dont know why but the scene where y/n looses to joon in chess is just so funny to me! And when she throws the chess piece at him and he’s like “you wanna do that again? Hm”. Also when he gave her that opal (i think some stone) after she gave him his b day gifts to show his true appreciation 🥺🥹

Jin- When jin wants to go to the cooking class with HER. 🥹 Also anytime they’ve held each other in their arms while sleeping, like after jin talked about his past with her. This ones short bc honestly they have so many little moments together and so does yoongi and y/n so its hard to pic 🥺 also maybe when she gives him the lord of the rings book, my boy was in his feels 🥺🥹 

TY SO MUCH DANA FOR THIS MASTER PEICE IT IS MY FAV COMFORT FIC PLZ TAKE CARE OF UR SELF AND I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK FOR THIS YEARRRR!!!

HAPPY FIRST YEAR OF TROUVAILLE AHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT BESTIE 😭😭😭😭😭

SQUEALING over all of your choices UGH I'm also a HUGE sucker for that moment with the chess match between Y/N and Joon 🥵 There's so many little moments to choose from, maybe I should pick my faves too? 🤔 AH

I LOVEEEEEEE this prompt so much and I'm so grateful to everyone who's joined me on this story's journey so far😭 Thank you for everything, and thank YOU bestie for reminding me of some of the sweetest moments between the characters so far 💕💕💕💕

[yokakaiju]

tristamp thoughts/live watch ramblings

preface: i already have a very bad impression of tristamp. i literally have been into trigun for maybe a week now and i have seen most of 1998, but im trying to go into tristamp with a clear head and view it objectively, but i genuinely looked at the character designs and legatos redesign made me resent it immediately tbh...

ANYWAY, im live watching as i write this, so apologies if its sporatic

okay so the good stuff so far

uhh... its very pretty!!! ill give it that. it really shows the evolution of 3d anime over time, and as someone who typically doesnt enjoy it i think tristamp is absolutely beautiful. first 3d anime i ever saw was knights of sidonia and i have a deep appreciation for where 3d anime is now compared to a decade ago

i kinda like meryls new design the best? i like her hat, its cute. everyone else is so... eh, tho. merylls redesign is chill with me tho

roberto is fine ig. i like old men characters sometimes and like, idk whenever im not sad abt milly not being here im okay enough with roberto existing

now on to my ever growing laundry list of complaints that ik will get worse if i keep watching (spoilers for trimax probably)

one, WHY IS VASH LIKE THAT?? LIKE WHY IS HE SUCH A WHINY CRYBABY?? LIKE SHUT UP DAWG!!! idk, ik vash is a silly emotionally explosive highly insecure funny little fella and i love him for it, i think vash is a great character, but why did they make him kinda a pathetic bitch in stamp? like, i usually dont watch dubs but i am for trigun cause my tv is kinda far from my bed and i dont wanna sit uncomfortably to read subs rn (BLEH!!!), so maaaaaaaybe sub vash is better, and no shade to the va i like his voice a lot for vash tbh, but bro pls stop crying every two seconds im gonna lose it. why is vash lowkey proslavery (THIS IS A JOKE), BUT FR!!! why is he more like... idk chill with plants being used ig ????? im sure hes not really, but like... dude, you arent the same

two, okay this made me actually mad, but why in the actual fuck was knives immediately introduced and why is he like some weird well known plant stealing cave hermit??? like??? no??? he wouldnt do that??? also why is he so present in this world LIKE DOES LOST JULY NOT EXIST IN THIS CANON??? WHAT IS THIS??????? i literally hate this rewrite. like... trimax is right there dawg... you did not have to rewrite literally everything. addition as i watch episode 3, why is he like that? why can he make purple? why does he have razors??? he doesnt talk like that ever??? why is he so??? i hate him actually??? this is not the knives ik and love??? who is this skinwalker????? HE DID NOT ACT LIKE THIS IN TRIMAX WHO IS THIS??? I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THEY REWROTE KNIVES THIS WAY OH MY GOD

three, why did everyone get an objectively bland redesign? like... i dont mind vashs hair. idgaf, but i literally hate his fucking totk link "lost power source" green ass arm. why cant it just be an ugly brown robot arm with a gun in it. whys it gotts be all "cool" and "green" and "mysterious", like IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE CYBERCORE TECHWEAR NEOFUTURISM ASS SHIT!!! i havent seeeeeeen wolfwoof in action yet, but i fucking hate his tristamp design. WHY IS HE A TWINK??? WHERE ARE HIS BOOBS??? WHY IS HE NOT A PRIEST??? LITERALLY TURNED A PERFECT CHARACTER INTO A BASIC BITCH FOR NO REASON. also like... knives. why is he... why is he like that. put shoes on plz the sand is hot babygirl. why are you wearing a tumour coat and ugly matrix ass bodysuit? where did your shoulderpadded objectively cooler dio-esque military outfit go? especially tho, i DESPISE legato and livios redesigns. i think they are SOOOOO butt ugly in tristamp and FOR WHY??? WHY DID THEY MAKE LEGATO SO FUCKING UGLY??? LIKE HE WAS SO HOT IN 98 AND ESPECIALLY IN TRIMAX OH MY GOD HES SO HOT LITERALLY DROOLING THINKING ABT HIM RN MY BABYWABY BOOBOO BEAR. THEY BUTCHERED HIM SO BAD AND IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH!!! AND LIVIO OH MY GOD WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO HIM??? HIS TRIMAX DESIGN IS OS FUCKING PEAK HE IS SO AMAZING AS AN EYE OF MICHAEL AND ESPECIALLY AFTER HE REFORMS AND BECOMES A COWBOY BABEYYY!!!! BUT NOOOO THEY MADE HIM AN UGLY ASS CYBERPUNK ASS BITCH!!! THEY MADE HIM SO FUCKING LAME AND BORING!!! PATOOEY I HATE HIS FUCKING DESIGN!!!! okay so wolfwood just showed up, can officially say hes the weakest version of wolfwood and that i do not like him. hes giving non sonic fan perception of shadow vibes. ALSO WHERE IS HIS MELANIN THEY TOOK IT AWAY!!! THE MELANIN VACCUM STRIKES AGAIN!!! tbf, he didnt have MUCH but he was a little brown, not literally just a white man

four, where. the. fuck. is. milly. i LOVE milly. she is one of my faves ever, im so sad she isnt here. genuinely...

five and probably last for rn, why is the pacing so bad. like its not good in trigun or trimax really, and especially bad in 1998, but it SO ASS!!! like its so blink and you'll miss it, which kinda stands for every trigun... but expected this to be like at least a liiiiittle better i dunno

conclusions: im gonna keep watching it maybe? but like... i dont like it. its bad imo. literaly have been into trigun for one week and am in mourning that trimax will likely never have a proper adaptation. i just wanna see angel knives in his full glory, not whatever tf tristamp is trying to push here

[ssxbutterscotch]

Your loves my drug; E.M

Eddie munson x female reader

Word count: idk

I didn't proof read 💀

Warnings: drug use, smut, daddy kink, praise kink, unprotected sex, ect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You didn't want Eddie to have such a chokehold on you. You didn't want to be slumped over at you desk fantasizing over the freshly graduated drug dealer. But you just got so damn high with him.. to the point you couldn't tell if it was the hash or if it was him. His alluring lashes, and oh his pale, long ringed fingers. And the things he'd do to you with them...

You were desperate... and home alone for the week. One could only rationalize that this was the only humane idea. Which lead you to where you were now, withering and whining beneath eddie. Fucking. Munson.

You were bare naked on the silky lavender sheets that covered you four post bed, you hands running, scratch that, tugging on his long brown locks as his skill full mouth licked and lapped over your sensitive pussy, stopping his precise and calculated movements every so often to close his lips around your puffy clit and suck, for minutes on end, torturing you, the fun way ofc.

"Daddy, please fuck me-" your sentence was cut off as he inserted two of his long ass fingers into your cunt, curling them. Hitting thar oh so special spot.

"No, I don't think you deserve it. Calling me so fucking late at night. You dirty fuckin slut," he groaned as he felt your pussy tighten around his fingers, hissing at the feeling. He stopped. Moving away from you completely, shoving your panties back up your legs from your ankles.

"Eddie? What's wrong?" You asked desperately concerned. Did you piss him off? Was he teasing you? What the hell is going through his mind right now?

"Y/N.. come here." He spoke sitting in your wooden desk chair he had since moved against the floral wallpaper covered wall. You obliged, moving slowly towards him..nervously.

"Dont be scared lamb, I just wanna try somethin" he motioned for you to come closer with his hand before patting his lap.

You came to him and sat strattling his legs your feet resting of the cross Bara of the chair. He pulled his hair behin his shoulder and pointed to his neck with two of his fingers,"mark daddy baby. Just like I did to you.." He trailed off. So many thoughts rambled in your head you had no idea where this was going. But the thought of him..made you cream.

You inhaled deeply before kissing his neck, licking, nipping and sucking forming dark circles of love up his throat. Soft groans escaped his full pink lips. You could feel his hands groping your pillowy tits that hung bare near his chest. His fingers closed harshly around your left nipple, making you moan into the flesh of his neck.

He laughed,"aw poor baby can't take it can she," his hands moved from your nipples to your hips, he began rocking your hips back and forth against the denim tent that covered his visible hard on, "up" He said smacking a hand onto your clothed ass. You quietly got up and waited for further instruction.

You admired the tall nerdy man, as he undid his belt and striped to his boxers, and soon enough even those were gone. Eddie pumped his leaking member a few times before taking his seat back.

"Eddie, please...been so good.." you whined moving closer to him again, placing a hand on both of his shoulders. A hand came up to grip your face forcing you closer to him.

"Huh? Who the fuck is eddie? What's my name doll?"

"Daddy."

"Good girl." He said with a light tap to your face.

You teased his tip against your cunt before gently sliding him into you, a gasp leaving your mouth. He stretched you out. You gripped his shoulders as you started bouncing up and down on his dick, your wetness making it easier to take. When you found a rhythm you let every explicit, nasty word and thought leave your mouth.

"So fucking good daddy, gonna make me cum all over you.." you huffed out. You heard eddies's breathing become more ragged the faster you moved.

"Fuck baby you take me so well" He moaned, slapping your cutesy round ass as a hand came to your hips forcibly moving you, rocking your sex to his.

He didn't have anywhere to put his other hand. SO, logically he cupped one of your tits, pinching your sensitive nipples while putting the other inside his mouth.

You could feel you were close, you didn't know how much longer you could hold it in. 

"Daddy please let me cum, please I'm so closee" you begged on the sexy drug dealers hard cock, as rammed upward into you tight pussy, that clenched around his needy member.

"Me too baby, let it happen" He responded, breaking his lips grip around your other nipple, he sounded exhausted, you felt him twitch inside you. His pace quickened inside you. Your moans becoming louder and the chair rocking harder against the wall.

Keeping your pace, it only took a few more pumps to send you over the edge. "Fuck!" you screamed as you reached your climax, as he grunted his hips bucked finishing inside you.

You took a minute to xatch your breath falling forward resting your head on his shoulder. His calloused hand rubbing circles on your back, even still when you leaned up.

"Same time next week?" you asked with a dopy grin, reaching for the pre-roll and lighter that had since been left all alone on the desk to your left.

"Only if I get to take you on a date first" he responded moving your hair behind your ear.

"Fine" you huffed playfully, you leaned in giving him a quick peck on the lips, still naked, and flicking the lighter, taking a nice huff before passing it to Munson.

One date couldn't hurt, you thought.

[misc-obeyme]

hello hello, its sibling angst anon again ^^ i loved your response so pls dont apologize for the long ramble, bc i get like that about it too!! also, im glad you liked my song recs <3

speaking of those sibling slideshows i mentioned, for some reason tiktok has filtered them out so when u look them up, they dont show up??? you just kinda get them on ur fyp one day. or atleast thats what happens to me. but if u look up sibling webweaving here on tumblr, ohhh boy. its basically an amalgamation of different types of media be it poetry, song lyrics, shows and movies, and book excrepts all packaged as one that pertain to a theme. my fav is those about mothers and siblings, so unequivocally human. its like walking down a museum tbh.

and agh, i loved your thoughts on the demon bros sibling dynamics. plus yeahhh, its kinda hard to take anything seriously since it is an otome game, BUT who says u cant come up with your interpretations and thoughts? whos gonna stop you? anyway, each brother has a level of depth that is screaming to be fleshed out, but its all very surface level on game. belphegors burdening shame and regret from watching lilith die in front of him, and by extension beelzebub having the same feelings and/or his own guilt. (i remember belph talking about his trauma and the immersion immediately breaks off when an option pops up on the scream, "ask him to kiss you." LIKE. place and time!) asmodeus and lucifer, their entire relationship T_T speaking of which, satan and lucifer?! they're brothers, or say they are and the rest just kinda go with it. but does no one else wanna bring up how satan was even brought to existence? he was literally birthed from luci's wrath during the celestial war. thats like, a gateway for someone to write a long philosophical analysis about him and what it symbolizes. aghhudhwdhwhd i wish i could say more, but i'm literally out of words rn. if i was mc, i'd have to fight everyday to keep it together without breaking down and crying about this. espeically having to live under the same roof as them...ooofff

speaking of complex siblings dynamics, have you see succession? its a show on hbo. its about an ultra rich and powerful family that is ultimately, dysfunctional. theres four siblings and their relationship mean sooo much to me. i wont drop any spoilers just in case you dont know anything, but when i say dysfunctional i meant it!! one of the things i like about this show is that it doesnt have any flashbacks or show the backstories for most of the characters, rather they kinda drop pieces of information randomly and you just go ??? that happened ??? youd think it wouldnt be a good storytelling strategy bc how are you going to emotionally connect the story to your audience? but somehow, the show does it really well. for example, one of the brothers, roman, was heavily abused. and sometimes one of his siblings would go, "yeah i remember when dad used to heavily beat the fuck out of you" offhandedly, like its a cute little fun fact. and youre sitting there like....when did THAT happen??? ofc they wouldnt show it, but if you watch how roman and his father interact on show (roman is so submissive and scared next to his father) it starts to make sense. its like the "show dont tell" but they switch around to "tell and show." subtle interactions like that fully exposes a characters psychology. subtle body language goes a long way. theres also the eldest brother connor, whos seen as the father figure bc their real dad is so neglectful. but tbh connot gets shit on a lot and uuyfuefehfe theres more. i would talk about this all day. sibling angst got me on a chokehold.

anyway, sorry if i made 0 coherent sense but heres the end of the ramble T-T have a good day :3

(if i come back, can i be  🧬 anon?)

Welcome back! And of course you can be 🧬 anon, I will add it to the list!

Oh man, so I did a search for sibling webweaving and I was like woah what is all this lol. I had no idea there was a term for stuff like this, but I'm fascinated! I must not be getting the TikTok videos... admittedly my use of that platform is limited lol.

The thing about the otome game not delving into things means that we all get to speculate and come up with whatever we want. It's a blessing and a curse lol. On the one hand, I like being able to come up with my own interpretations. But on the other hand, it'd be nice to have just a little more depth that what we have.

I have thoughts about Belphie and specifically what happened in the OG with him. That was definitely a situation of, there is so much more going on here than they're bothering to get into. I also get that they can't really do a ton of that, partly due to the medium and partly due to the amount of characters they have to deal with. Like I think they can only choose to flesh out certain characters and the rest kind of end up on the back burner. Which is annoying because there's so much potential for so many amazing stories!

I also have a lot of thoughts about Satan and his relationship to Lucifer and everybody. It's like they give us just enough to make the story dramatic, but in the end everybody loves each other and so on and so forth. I'm not saying both Satan and Belphie shouldn't be able to reconcile what happened to them and move on, but it just happens so fast. It seems too easy. So I kind of headcanon it as, they hide everything. Not just those two, but all the brothers have a certain level of trauma that they just bury deep or at the very least don't display in front of MC. I know they make MC out to be the demon therapist, but nobody resolves their issues in one session and that's all they're normally limited to. But of course they don't have time to get into things that deeply in a mobile otome game lol.

I have not seen Succession! It sounds pretty intense. I think it's always interesting when media use different techniques to tell their story. Of course I have very little knowledge of how TV scripts are written, but for story writing, the way a character reacts can imply all kinds of past history, even if you don't know exactly what happened. Flashbacks are helpful, but I think it's interesting to have a bit of a mix. A character is always going to tell the story of their past a little differently than how it actually happened. And I find that it can reveal a lot about character just to see what they change or leave out when telling it. Of course, who they're speaking to can affect that as well. But it's definitely an interesting concept!

No worries, you made plenty of sense lol! You are always free to come back to my ask box if you so desire! <3

[jeonginssa]

rain, there's always rain

a/n: i've never added anything non kpop-related to this blog before but i think i;m gonna to just start putting all of my writing on here (unless you all hate it hahaha), please let me know what you think

warnings: this is super depressing and so far everyone i've let read it cried so there's that, if you struggle with su*cidal thoughts maybe dont read this tbh

taglist: @junhour (i wasn't sure if you'd wanna be tagged in this because it's not kpop so just let me know haha)

Acid. That’s how rain felt to happy people, the grey sky come to ruin their otherwise outstanding day. To the lonely, it was home. The sky saying, “I know, I’m crying too.” I didn’t remember the last time the rain burned my skin. All I knew of rain was the way the sound against the windows brought a gentle silence to the steady stream of thoughts within my mind. The way my drenched hair and dripping skin felt like rebirth. Rain doesn’t make your pain go away but it does make you feel like someone else is feeling it with you. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder how many other lonely people are lingering too long before walking back into the house or intentionally leaving without an umbrella for an excuse to feel something that even resembles true understanding. It couldn’t just be me, right? Surely, on a planet of over 7 billion people it’s not just me. Right? I guess I’ll never know. 

I envy them. Of course I envy them. Happy people that is. Yet at the same time I don’t. Will they ever swim the depths the way I have? Will they ever know what it is to burn yourself to ash and recreate yourself from the embers? They say life is about being happy but maybe it’s not. I think life is pain and I’m learning to be okay with that. Perhaps the agonising weight of my own decisions was always supposed to be too much to bear. Perhaps I’m mourning the loss of a life that was never meant to be in the first place. People say that everything happens for a reason and I don’t disagree but they left out the part where sometimes the reason is because you’re supposed to feel like a twig in a room full of matches. That doesn’t mean you’re going to go anywhere. It just means you’re a twig in a room full of matches. Should you wait for someone else to set you on fire or do it yourself? Does it really matter anyway? Perhaps not. 

I knew I should do something. Something that wasn’t sitting on the pavement letting the sky pour all of its woes onto me but how could I? There’s a feeling of loss I always got when the rain stopped. As if it left me intentionally to once again deal with my struggles on my own. I didn’t want to leave the rain the same way it left me. What if the rain pours because it needs a friend too? The rain may be fickle but I am not. I cling to the remnants of stability like a life raft with a hole in the middle. 

You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you this but to tell you the truth I don’t know either. I guess I’m just full of thoughts and you seemed like you might listen. I guess you’re running from yourself too. Why else would you want to read my ramblings if not to fill a crippling hole within yourself. I’d like to tell you that it will be okay and that things will turn out great but we both know I don’t really believe that. It could happen sure but I don’t want to tell you it will. Tomorrow might be the worst day of your life so far. How could I bear that guilt? I couldn’t. I don’t say this to make you feel bad. I say this because if nothing else I want you to know that even when you feel like the only star in an empty sky. It’s only because its too bright to see outside of yourself. You’re not alone. You’re not the only person to feel like their lungs are somehow both fire and flood. You’re not the only person to look at the sea and wonder how it would feel if you just kept walking ahead. But you are the only version of you. I can’t tell you what for exactly but I think the world needs all of us. So I hope that you’ll stay. Even if it’s only for as long as I tell my story. I’ll just have to keep telling it.

Do you think there’s a reason for it all? The songs that find us in our darkest times. The random words of wisdom from the cashier on an average Wednesday. The look of shared pain in the eyes of another. If I’m honest I don’t know what answer scares me less. You see the thing is, there’s a certain level of freedom that comes from believing it all means nothing. Why worry when nothing matters anyway? If nothing means anything then there’s no karma, good or bad. When bad things happen they just happen, you can’t blame yourself for random acts. If everything really is as connected as I fear it to be then one way or another, however you choose to look at it, I put myself here. You could say that if I put myself here then I could also get myself out of it. Despite my autonomy I really just feel like a puppet who can’t see their own strings. I don’t know what any of this means but what I do know is that I found you just at the right time. It was almost too late, for both of us. When the world is on fire I hope we can turn to each other.

People frown and look straight ahead as they walk past me. I’m not sure if they think I’m homeless or they haven’t noticed me as they try to see through the rain. I am certain that I don’t particularly care. They scurry ahead, heads down, umbrellas and hoods raised and I don’t know who I should feel more sorry for; me or them. Maybe I just pity us all. Sometimes I’m not sure if I care too much or too little. I have a head full of questions in a world that lacks answers. The more I know the less I realise I know. I live a life of unending uncertainty. Sometimes I come across people and it seems like they have the answers. For a moment they do, but then reality strikes and I see that they’re just as lost as I am. 

Why is it that some people look like hope? Is there a way to turn it off? You see I only find myself drawn to those in the distance. Perhaps that’s my way of seeking safety. They cannot hurt me if they cannot reach me. Yet as they live their lives unaware of the way I orbit around them like a lonely dwarf planet begging for a home, I can only feel the strength of their gravity grow. I wonder what would happen if our forces were to collide. Would we become one as I suspect or would I merely be smashed to smithereens, returned to the dust that I feel I am. We are told all people are equal but I’m not sure that to my core I believe that to be true. There are people I pale in insignificance beside and others who are dwarfed by the light I emit. Every time I think I’ve found my equal I realise it was nothing but an illusion. I wonder if I’m destined to a life of loneliness. I think that might be the case. 

At least we have the rain.

[spannardnation]

rambling to appease the adhd beans shhhh dw abt it

i need a new chair but: 1 im broke 2 it needs to b a v specific style and size and always takes hrs of work and i dont have the brain for it

the last one i bought turned out to be a disaster too so im wary bc i spent a bunch of money and then after a few weeks my body was wrecked and i couldnt return it so iv been using a fucked up old one for so long TTnTT

maybe ill just fuckign buy a bunch of foam and make pads for where it needs it? which is WORK but cheaper and less risky since the shape of my current chair is wonderful for how many hrs i spend in it. i wish i had the ability to go to like a Chair Shop and find one that is perfect but i know thats not gonna happen gfhdgjkdf

Too Mentally Disabled to do the thing that will help keep u out of pain like mate thats some sick bullshit ill tell u hwhat i fucked up my shoulders and neck SO BAD with the last chair why is being an adult doing mundane things so difficult like just lemme materialise a perfect chair thank uuu

i also dont wanna spend like £50 on fucking foam padding and then have it sit around for months bc Doing Things is a struggle but the foam on the amrs of this bitch have like flattened and NEED replacing i got bruised bones on my damn elbows last week and am currently using a towel as padding

and then also where i cross my legs the part where my feet go all the padding has shifted and smushed against the metal frame so i get aches near my toes like why??? is that??? a thing????

ofc the issue would b fixed if i didnt sit in a chair at a pc for every waking hr of the day but also im a disaster w a cocktail of MH conditions that have turned me into a prawn so u know ghdjkgfd IF IM GONNA SIT HERE ID LIKE TO B COMFORTABLE

if i was paid for every spannard thought i had, i could b so rich and just have a custom built chair or maybe a personal shopper to get me a perfect replacement. i need to be one of those artists like uhhh fucken michelangelo who was just paid to draw and sculpt naked men id THRIVE

[cybernightwanderer]

Give and take.

First of all, she changed the trash baggs into reciclable baggs, so thats pretty obvious my brother isnt gonna take out the trash anymore, because it means hell have to wash the baggs, and i know my brother, hes gonna refuse with all his soul.. and knowing her, shes gonna let him and turn it to me... So not only i wash everybodies dishes, i take all the trash, clean and now aparently im gonna have to cook for all, because she has been becoming really passive agressive because i dont cook for them...

So this week i got covid, and the first 4 days i was in bed with a really bad fever. My mom called the doctor for me the first 2 days and went out to buy the medicine for me, and even washed the dishes on the first 3 days. Ofc now i have to pay for those actions, because nothing comes from her as actual mom duty. But more like she gave me something now i have to pay, and this is how. So im back to washing the dishes wich is fine, i still have a bad cought and headachas but thats all. So yesterday i woke up, she turns to me and says " oh can you go and buy me a chicken for lunch, i dont feel so good ", so i proceed to ask her what shes feeling, she goes on rambling but says pretty much nothing concrete, just " doesnt feel well ". I put on my mask and i go out to buy the chicken, now this is the first time i left the house since i caught covid, and even tho im almost healed, i am still defnatly not healed. My head started hurting rlly bad outside, and having a mask, with strong caught and a very dry nose i ocassionaly started suffocating in the midle of the street, and had a really bad cough attack inside the butcher shot... not very pleasent.. but all is good, mission acomplish, i got the chicken and went back home. After this the cought was worse the rest of the day, non stop, and very agressive cought. She spends the day laying down in the couch, " oh can you cook me this ", " can you take out the trash ", " can you grab me that ".... And i do those things, just so she doesnt go on her rage mode. I tell her to take a stomach medicine or a paracetamol since she isnt feeling well, and again , she doesnt take anything or call the doctors... as if she wants to get sick on purpose or something.. She says she feels sick in her stomach, she eats a stake and immediatly lays down, i tell her if shes sick in the stomach and lays down right after eating it will get worse, she doesnt listen and still does it, and this goes on and on. At night again, does the same shit. Today i woke up to them laughing about it, my mother and brothers. My brothers comments : so you are really hopping to get sick. And she replies : i am i am. And they both laugh. I only caught this part of the conversation i mean, they were right in front of my door speaking, it was 9 am and i had just woken up with all the noise they were making. I get up and go to the living room, now shes sitting on the couch " not feeling well ", and again " go take out the trash " , " put away the dishes " , " go here and buy this this and this , then you go here and you buy this, and i also need this, and that from there and so on "... Usualy when id get sick, i would always take care of my own shit , or even hide being sick because she would get really weird about it, or doubt that im actualy sick, like the other day she admitted that she didnt believe i had a fever. I found that she was coming into my room at 3-5 am to check my temperature because she thought i was faking the fever... LIKE , everytime i mesured my fever id show her... wtf. But anyways, i mean with this fever it was impossible to get anything done, i got so cold , that the cold would feel like pain spikes at some point, it was really weird... Even when i get covid shes the exact same old shit of a person... I just wanna get out of here.

[romantichopelessly]

Thinking about my PJ AU again......

[marcipancake]

Hey skts nation (or anyone, really) would it be just me screaming into a void or would people actually care if i posted my in-plan skts multiple chapter series im planning

[aamitmorthos]

June 26th