#but goddammit was i ever anyone's favorite to begin with?

[tranzfalgar]

vent in tags

[couldawouldashoulda50]

Never Been Kissed - Part Two - Matthew Knies

This is Part Two of my Never Been Kissed mini-series for the amazing @cellythefloshie's birthday BINGO, featuring Matthew Knies. My 5 tropes (Virginity, Age Gap, Secret Lovers, Meet Cute, Pining) are spread across the 3 parts.

In case you missed it, here is the Link to Part One

Warnings/Notes - swearing, not quite smut but more than fluff? Just a bit of time spent on Matthew and Lana taking the next step (p and v exploration)

18+ only please.

Word count - 6.4k

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"Ok, you need to start talking… I'm dying here—tell me everything," Jason said as he handed Lana her martini on the rocks.

Lana chuckled slightly as she took a sip, savoring the taste on her tongue. It was another gorgeous evening in Toronto and the three relaxed on the terrace, enjoying the breeze off of Lake Ontario. Her brother's building had the most stunning southern view of the city, and she never tired of how the CN Tower looked at dusk. The sky boasted an ombré effect from blue to pink, and a string of small clouds rolled in, eventually engulfing the round observation deck at the top of the tower.

Lana explained meeting Matthew, who he was, and how for weeks, they had developed something—a connection—or whatever one would call it. She listed off the myriad of conversation topics and how, despite their different upbringings, they shared many similar views and ways of thinking. She spoke of his thoughtfulness; how each time they met, Matthew greeted her with a cappuccino and her favorite cold-pressed juice (even though he thought beets were gross). The way she caught him looking at her with his distinct green eyes and a gaze so hypnotic, she had to avert her eyes to try and remain grounded.

Andrew and Jason held hands as they listened to Lana describe her confusion with the onslaught of what she was beginning to feel. They both knew she had never experienced love or being in love, or even having so much as a high-school crush. The vitriol their mother spewed was simply too hard for Lana to comprehend from a young age, but now, meeting Matthew had resuscitated a part of her that had withered a long time ago.

Andrew sat down next to his sister as they began to eat their tantalizing dinner of barbecued black tiger shrimp, mixed green salad, and red potatoes.

"Okay, so… you've rhymed off the positives—what are your concerns? And don't think about it… just say it. I don't want you to sanitize what really is worrying you."

Mid-chew, she rolled her eyes at the amazing taste of the food. "His age. He's just 21. I'm more or less 11 years older - I mean, I know it's not totally unheard of but it's still a bit of an age gap."

"Keep going," Andrew prodded further.

"Well, again, I'm 32 and he's a young NHL'er. Do you know that virtually every time we passed a younger woman, Matthew made their heads spin… they completely melted at the sight of him. My assistant was one of them." Lana's eyes cast down to her plate and she shook her head. "This is the first man I have ever felt this way about, and he's barely an adult himself. I don't even know if he feels any of this or not but even if there is something there, how could I measure up to a stacked 20-year-old? I'm in a whole other decade than anyone in his social circle. And… I've been around these guys long enough to know there's no shortage of women that are at their disposal."

Jason and Andrew nodded in agreement.

Lana's eyes felt the pin prick of tears, and she blinked them away before they fell.

"And then there's that whole other issue." Setting her fork down, she looked at her brother with a pained expression. "Once more… I know how these guys operate—Matthew's very attractive… I'm sure he had his university experience with God knows how many girls. And then there's me. Never kissed anyone before, never been touched—never even…"

She put her face in her hands as she exhaled heavily. "Goddammit, it's getting harder all the time to even admit to myself that I'm still a virgin. How do I even begin to explain this to him or anyone else?"

"Lana, stop. Just stop now. You're getting upset, so let's just take this one step at a time. He's asked you out for dinner to say thank you. So go out to dinner with him and let him say what he wants to say." Andrew spoke softly as he continued. "You've had meals with him already, so don't put pressure on this. I realize this is new territory for you, but don't get ahead of yourself. Jesus, I'm just happy you admitted to liking someone. Hell just fucking froze over." Andrew flashed a crooked smile at his sister.

Jason interjected as Lana swatted Andrew lightly with her napkin. "Why not do something else? Dinner, schminner—we've got fantastic seats to the Jays game this Sunday. If you ask him and he's available, they're yours. It's a 1:30 start, so just go, grab an overpriced hot dog and a beer. Relax and have fun. You'll know more once the game's over than you did before."

"But—I thought… that was our Sunday thing…," Andrew said, his dark brown eyes full of disappointment as he turned towards his partner.

Jason draped his arm around Andrew's shoulder. "I was going to surprise you, but I've figured out something better—I'll tell you later."

Andrew smiled at his partner, and then turned to Lana and nudged her arm. "Do it—message him now just to get it over with and let's see what he says."

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When Matthew first read Lana's message, a wide smile spread across his face, and nervous excitement fluttered in his stomach. The prospect of spending an entire afternoon with Lana, relaxing and savoring the last days of summer, made him wish he could fast-forward through the hours and days until he saw her again.

As it went, the preceding days before their date flew by quickly. The pair fell into a comfortable routine of text messages throughout the day and longer phone calls in the evening. Matthew had even floated the idea of a "pre-date" dinner, but he discovered Lana was virtually Wonder Woman, juggling the many responsibilities and demands that pulled her in all directions day after day.

Sunday arrived, and Matthew had insisted on picking Lana up at her place. Her condo-townhouse was uniquely surrounded by expansive parks, forests, and ravines alongside tourist spots such as Casa Loma and the Royal Ontario Museum.

Matthew had hoped that Lana would invite him inside, but as he pulled alongside the curb, she emerged promptly, waved, and turned to ensure her front door was locked. Matthew bit his lip when he couldn't help noticing how fucking amazingly sexy she looked in a simple pair of jeans.

His stomach was aflutter as she slid in next to him wearing a José Bautista baseball jersey and a baseball cap. Her long blonde hair was tied in a ponytail, reaching midway down her back.

Lana suddenly felt a little paranoid being decked out like a super fan versus Matthew's simple t-shirt and shorts. "Is this too much? I hope I'm not going to embarrass you," she laughed.

Matthew blushed. "God no—no… you look—just… wow… can't even think of the words…" He inwardly groaned. At times, he felt so immature compared to her effortlessly elegant demeanor.

Feeling his cheeks burning, he quickly changed subjects. "Oh, traffic was crazy coming up here, so what's the best way of getting down to the Rogers Centre? I'm not familiar with this area of the city at all."

"Hmmm, well… we have time… if you don't mind a little walk, we could just catch the subway. I'm planning on indulging with a couple of totally overpriced coolers at the game," Lana smiled. "I'm not sure if you can with your training, but could I twist your arm to have a beer or two with me?"

Matthew chuckled while giving a resounding "yes" to Lana's suggestion.

As they walked, Lana gave Matthew insights into the surrounding districts and popular neighborhoods. While still maintaining a level of privacy and confidentiality, she spoke of the residences of both past and present athletes and other prominent people whom her firm helped get situated in the city.

"Just a few streets over, that's where William's place is," Lana pointed to the east and then smiled. "Well, you likely know that already."

Matthew wasn't prepared to feel the sudden twist and lurch of his stomach hearing her mention his teammate and friend, Willy Nylander.

With ticks of what he could only decipher as pangs of jealousy, Matthew's thoughts bounced furiously inside his head. He knew he had no right to feel jealous or even a little bit possessive towards Lana, but god, he liked her so much. He wondered if she and Willy had spent extensive periods of time alone together as he had done with Lana while searching for a place. Matthew had seen first-hand how easy it was for Willy to attract women, and he wondered if they had a tryst or two—or even more. God knows she was hot enough to entice any man, athlete or otherwise.

Suddenly, the stark realization that he knew nothing about her personal life cast the harsh sting of doubt deep within him.

"Oh, you know Willy? Really good guy," Matthew said more blandly than he intended to.

"Not well, but yes, I met William years ago… he wasn't much more than a rookie when he and his roommate were looking for places to rent. His roommate's girlfriend was known for her modeling mostly, but she also worked for us as a sales rep at the time."

Matthew nodded his head, feeling a sense of relief that he at least didn't have to worry about any former escapades with his teammate.

However, between the walk, the subway ride, two drinks, and now two foot-long hot dogs at the game, Matthew still had a million questions floating around in his mind about her personal life. He couldn't put his finger on whether her reserved responses stemmed from being humble or modest, or if she was being completely evasive when he asked her a couple of basic questions about herself.

By the bottom of the third inning, with his second beer kicking in, Matthew finally mustered the courage to ask Lana more intimate questions about her personal life. Though he worried his questions might dampen the fun they were having, he couldn't resist—he was utterly smitten with this woman and needed to know more.

Taking another sip of his overpriced beer, Matthew, alongside some liquid courage, dove into the line of questioning. "I've got to know—why aren't you with anyone? No boyfriend, husband, wife, or even a girlfriend? I’m assuming you’re not with anyone, since you’re on a date with me."

Lana raised an eyebrow, followed by a smirk. Needless to say her two vodka coolers had loosened her up somewhat. “I didn’t know this was a date. I suppose I’ll have to break the news to my husband and my boyfriend once I get home.”

She glanced over at how Matthew both laughed and pouted at her poking fun at his question.

"Shit… I'm sorry. I blame the coolers if I'm being an asshole." Lana took a small bite of her hot dog and tried to tread lightly as she continued. "I am absolutely unattached. No husband, no boyfriend, wife or otherwise."

Matthew shook his head in disbelief. “Yeah, but how is that remotely possible? Like, I’m sorry - you’re really fucking awesome, and women like you rarely single. I’m surprised I guess - just trying to get my head wrapped around how this can be?”

Lana looked straight ahead as she thought of how to begin her explanation. "Dealing with people on a business level is something I do well—with both men and women. But on a personal level, I've always been a bit… I don't know—cagey around men."

From her peripheral vision, she could see and feel Matthew's gaze as he listened intently.

Tilting the cooler can to her mouth, she took a healthy sip before continuing. "It's terrible to say that more often than not, even from a young age, most men tend to ogle me like an object as opposed to a functioning human being. Or even a woman with some level of intelligence. So where it started as an awkwardness around men in general, I suppose I just continued to keep men at arm's length. That's mainly why I'm single, I guess. I have never actually dated anyone…ever."

Matthew's eyes grew wide, and he unintentionally expelled a short breath from the surprise of Lana's admission.

He turned back to look at the game but he could not care less about what was happening on the field. He could not think of one word to say.

The once easy and comfortable atmosphere the two had shared all day seemed to disappear within seconds.

Even as the crowd erupted in cheers for the Jays' popular right fielder hitting a line-drive double to the left field corner, Lana and Matthew were surrounded in a deafening silence, and were virtually oblivious to the excitement around them.

Based on his initial reaction, Lana began to write Matthew off in her mind as being yet another man who could not accept her for what she was.

In an attempt to break the tension, Lana was the first to speak. "Sorry, I really didn't mean to drag you down with all of that. I just wanted to answer your questions honestly." She pursed her lips together as she searched Matthew's expression. "If you'd rather end the date early, I understand."

“No, god…no. I don’t…unless you do?”

Lana glanced down, a faint smile playing on her lips that she tried, unsuccessfully, to hide as she shook her head.

The two remained at the game until the bottom of the eighth inning when they decided the Jays would win by a mile, barring any catastrophes in the final inning.

As they walked back to her place from the subway, their conversation still flowed easily, yet it was apparent that something between her and Matthew had shifted. With a heavier heart than usual, Lana put to rest thoughts of ever seeing him again.

Which is why Matthew seemed a bit confused and disappointed when Lana thanked him for coming, wished him well for the season, said goodbye and turned on her heel to start walking up her front steps.

“Lana? Wait…what’s - what’s happening?”

She stopped on the top step and turned around to face Matthew. She could see his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat again. She had noticed it when they first met and on a number of occasions when they spent time together. She started to wonder if that was a sign of him being nervous.

With an air of uncertainty, Lana responded. “I assumed - well, that we were sort of….done…here. I felt like I more or less killed the vibe earlier.”

Matthew looked down at the sidewalk for a moment and then returned his gaze to Lana. “Well, no…it wasn’t you. I feel like shit because maybe I kept pressing you to answer. I do feel bad…it really is none of my business.”

Although he spoke the truth, he secretly wanted to push her for more information. He wanted to know everything. He just hoped she would let her guard down enough to let him gently prod her. He desperately didn’t want to their date to end so abruptly because now, he was more enthralled with her than ever.

Lana’s expression was soft as she recognized the tension in Matthew’s stance, his hands jammed into his pockets and his brows furrowed. “Would you like to come in for awhile? Order some dinner maybe?”

Cooley, Matthew nodded and tried to stifle a smile. He climbed the steps and joined her on the stoop. He stood close behind her as she unlocked the door, and her heart raced as he followed her inside.

Matthew’s jaw dropped from the moment he stepped through the frosted glass front door. The flawless interior design embodied Lana perfectly. Elegant, stunning, sophisticated, and inviting.

Lana walked Matthew throughout her home, smiling and often giggling at his reactions in each room as they entered. They decided to order a less-than- nutritious dinner, and ventured up to her rooftop terrace to enjoy the warm evening as they ate.

Calculating risk and probability had worked in her career and in her very few blind dates prior to meeting Matthew. Lana realized she had to shelve the mathematical formula and let her emotional intuition take the reins. After all, she had misjudged him. The labels she realized she had given herself mattered little to him.

Dusk settled over the city, and a cool evening breeze swept in as the two spoke about family, exchanged stories from their respective alma maters, and shared snippets of how they pictured their individual futures.

Matthew ever so subtly guided the conversation back towards Lana, but this time, he held her hand as she spoke of her upbringing, brief bits and pieces of her parents, her school years, and her mentor. Lana sipped her wine and allowed the little buzz she had to further fuel her openness with Matthew.

The nighttime temperature dropped rapidly, so the pair headed indoors and continued their conversation in the living room, settling on her plush grey sofa.

When she finally broached the subject of her complete inexperience with a man, Matthew simply could not process what he was hearing, and he went back for some clarification.

"So, wait—what do you mean? Like…you've never been kissed? Or ever had - "

Lana's face was flushed as she shook her head. "Nope. Never been kissed. There's even a movie with the same title with Drew Barrymore. I cringe every time it's listed as 'Recommended for you' on Netflix. Same with 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin'—I'm not 40, but I still avoid that movie like the plague. It’s too bad because I love Steve Carrell."

She chuckled at her self-deprecation and turned to Matthew, expecting at least a small grin.

But he wasn't smiling. Matthew's intense eyes were fixed on Lana's face. The distinct and sexy shape of his mouth was slightly open, and his lips were colored the most delicious shade of pink.

Matthew leaned towards her. The very second she felt his mouth on hers, she was sure she could live happily in that moment for the rest of her days. But when his hand gently cupped her face at her jawline, joining their mouths softly and passionately, that’s when Lana started to feel the effects between her legs.

There was heat. There was wetness spawned from urges that had long been keeping her awake at night, and her not knowing how to relieve any of it.

It was surprising to Lana how quickly her mouth learned to move so beautifully in sync with Matthew’s. He leaned her back onto the pillow against the arm of the sofa, and as he shifted to kneel between her legs, it was the first time Lana had ever seen an erection on a man. Matthew’s shorts were fully tented and Lana swallowed hard at the sight of it.

Stretching out on the length of the sofa, Matthew gently positioned himself between her legs. She expelled a small gasp as Matthew’s concealed member pressed against her clothed pussy. Matthew traced her neck with soft kisses, moving slightly up to her ear which elicited more soft moans.

Matthew spoke softly by her ear. “I never ever want to push you further than what you’re comfortable with. Promise me you’ll tell me if you want me to stop.”

Lana responded just above a whisper as she kissed his temple. “I promise - I promise I will.”

Matthew moaned against her skin in response.

Lana was reeling from all of the exquisite firsts she was experiencing. The sensations from each kiss which made her feel like she could drift away only became deeper when he lightly stroked his tongue against hers. The feel of his tongue sparked a fervor for him that she could have never anticipated, even in her wildest imagination. She lightly gripped his hair at the scalp which only excited Matthew more.

“Is it ok if we go to my bedroom? Give us both some more room?” Lana said breathlessly. She could feel the puffiness of her lips and grazed her fingers over them as she looked up at Matthew.

Matthew’s eyes were like a rare colour of green glass, and had always cast a sort of spell on Lana since they first met. But now - now, she knew what it meant to touch and taste him. To feel his broad and strong frame between her legs. Whether their connection progressed further that evening or not, Lana knew that the long wait for a man's touch through adolescence into adulthood was well worth it.

She loved how swollen and pillowy Matthew’s upper lip looked, which formed into a borderline cocky smirk as he studied her face. Lana rolled her eyes a little at how he suddenly looked like a frat-boy ready to score. Chuckling at him, she pulled his mouth onto hers for another deep and passionate kiss.

They held hands as Lana led Matthew upstairs into her stylish master bedroom, trying to appear less nervous than she actually was. She watched Matthew look around at the furnishings and décor and look back at her, visibly impressed by it all. But she could also sense a mix of nervous anticipation as he slowly brought their bodies together.

Lana's breath trembled slightly, looking up at his face as she felt Matthew's hands glide down the length of her spine and land on her ass. "I'm not sure if I should wait to ask—there's no pressure…we don't have to go any further but will you stay—sleep here with me tonight?"

Leaning his forehead against hers, Matthew drew her body into his. "Of course. I would love to stay with you. Anywhere. Anytime."

Lana rose on the tips of her toes to kiss Matthew again. Just like that, he had made her feel so comfortable and secure enough to initiate touch, kiss, and openly want him. It was baffling and exhilarating to her at the same time.

After freshening up in separate bathrooms, Matthew returned to the bedroom first. He stripped down to his boxer briefs and slipped between the sheets. The comfort of Lana's bed made him groan as the mattress soothed his aching muscles from his daily workouts. As he settled in bed, he gazed in awe at the expansive city view through the windows which were tinted for privacy from the outside.

Lana emerged from her ensuite bathroom feeling timid and unsure. She had no idea what to do or what to say, or even what to wear. Was she supposed to walk towards the bed acting sexy and confident?

The only thing she knew was that she felt neither confident nor sexy in her plain white tank top and shorts.

Watching her slide in next to him—her eyes wide and cheeks flushed with shyness—his heart swelled with admiration for Lana. He would do anything to make her feel at ease.

She lay on her side, her long, honey-blonde hair sprawled across the pillowcase as her eyes scanned Matthew's muscular frame. She hesitated touching his skin at first, but she figured they had come this far….

Lana stared with wonderment at Matthew’s conditioned body, allowing her hand to lightly travel from his collarbone, down between his pects and across the ridges of his abdominal muscles.

Lana’s hand stopped moving just around bellybutton as she tried not to gawk at his erection. She looked back up at Matthew’s face, his expression filled with adoration as she explored his body.

Matthew gently pulled her tightly against his body, his desire for her apparent. He leaned her onto her back and his lips kissed a path down towards her taut nipple showing through the thin cotton fabric of her tank top. The very second his tongue connected with the tip of her nipple, Lana’s back arched wanting everything Matthew was offering. His hand was quick to slide her top up, uncovering her full, round breasts.

Lana whisper-moaned how incredible Matthew felt as his tongue lapped, flicked, and stroked each peak while his hand cupped underneath her breast. Lana recognized that her body had long been sending her signals, virtually pleading for a man's touch. Now she was experiencing what it truly felt like to be intimate with someone she really liked, and she was not at all prepared for how badly she wanted to feel him inside of her.

She wanted to tell Matthew she was ready for more but she wasn't sure what to say or how to say it.

Tracing the contours of his broad shoulders, she threaded her fingers through his sun-kissed brown hair. She bit her lip, mesmerized, as Matthew alternated between kissing and sucking her breasts.

"Matthew — my god, you feel so amazing…" Lana said softly. When Matthew raised his head, his hair tousled and eyes heavy with lust, she smiled and stroked the small scars along his jawline. "I'm not sure what the right words are… but if you could — I mean, only if you want to… I'm ready for you tonight… I want to experience everything with you…"

Matthew brought his face closer to hers. "Only if you're positive. Even if you change your mind — if it's too much, I promise, I won't go any further." He kissed her gingerly, showing his complete devotion to her.

Lana nodded and smiled. “I’m sure.” Butterflies flitted in her stomach as Matthew’s tongue touched hers in a deep kiss.

Matthew suddenly groaned and pulled away slightly. The look of dismay on his face was concerning as he hung his head.

“I know it’s a long shot to ask…but you wouldn’t happen to have condoms lying around somewhere? I don’t tend to carry them with me…” Matthew said apologetically.

Lana's eyes grew wide with the realization that she had not even thought about protection, and if she and Matthew were going to continue these types of activities in the future, she needed an appointment with her doctor quickly.

"Should I run out now—grab some maybe?" he asked.

She looked at Matthew's handsome face and shook her head with a sweet smile that held a hint of regret. "No…..maybe we should forgo that for tonight.” She focused on the same scars on his jawline and kissed each one softly. “I've waited this long for sex… I can wait a little longer."

Lana seemed a little more confident and comfortable as she made an unexpected and rather seductive move by sliding her body on top of Matthew's and straddling his hips. She watched as his mouth first fell open, followed by a firm bite to his bottom lip at the sight of her before him. Her hair was mussed, her tank was stretched and barely covering her voluptuous breasts, and her toned thighs, which were now spread apart, showed the wet mark in her shorts from her seeping arousal.

She trailed her fingernails lightly across his chest. “If it's okay with you, can we see what other things might give us a bit of pleasure?”

Matthew was speechless—he could only nod and grin as he ran his hands up and down the sides of her legs.

Lana could feel his erection, still concealed by his underwear. If she listened solely to her bodily instincts, Matthew's cock would be inside her right now. Both wanting and not wanting to give in, she lightly slid her panty-clad pussy against his hard shaft. When Matthew moaned and gripped onto her hips and told her to keep going, she repeated it until she was masterfully grinding against his growing cock.

Her mind was a whirlwind, full of needs and sensations that she had never felt before. To say this moment was one of the most exhilarating of her life would not have been a stretch.

She leaned over and brought her mouth onto Matthew's, as his hands roamed and caressed every accessible inch of Lana's soft skin. She gazed at Matthew as he murmured sweet encouragements against her lips. She could feel a blissful pressure in her core as she squeezed her tight pussy walls as he gripped her ass, pressing his cock firmly against her sheathed folds.

“Come - lie here on your back,” Matthew gently directed.

Lana and Matthew worked in tandem to remove her shorts and top. The soft glow from the bedside lamp perfectly illuminated Lana's athletic, toned body. Though initially feeling timid and exposed, Lana was quickly put at ease by Matthew's gentle affection.

Lana couldn't take her eyes off his face as he lay on one side of her, running his fingers along her abdomen. When he asked if he could keep going, she nodded emphatically, giving him permission to explore her aching pussy.

With his finger at the top of her slit, Matthew asked if Lana had ever touched herself.

Her breath hitched as she said "No." Her eyes remained fixed on Matthew as he kissed her, ensuring she was comfortable before he wet his thumb in his mouth and began to slowly rub small circles just above her clitoris.

As if with a mind of its own, Lana's hand grasped Matthew's forearm as he continued to gently massage the delicate, sensitive areas within her warm, wet folds. Short, erotic-sounding breaths escaped her parted lips as her eyes closed and her head pressed into the plush king-size pillow.

Lana began to moan Matthew's name while her hips moved almost in tandem with Matthew's circular strokes. She opened her eyes and they met his, so mesmerizing and entrancing.

Lana’s hand loosened from Matthew’s forearm, travelling up along the showy vein along his bicep eventually snaking along the base of his neck. She pulled his mouth onto hers - her kiss laced with a fire and hunger for him that she unconsciously yearned for.

Lana cried out as her body suddenly shuddered and spasmed when Matthew continued stroking the inner lips of her pussy, while lightly touching the nub of her clitoris.

She wasn’t sure if the surge of intense warmth from her core was an orgasm, but whatever it was felt absolutely exhilarating as gripped and pulled Matthew into her panting and breathless body.

Lana's body twitched as she laid her head back on the pillow. She and Matthew shared a look of pure contentment, until Lana's hand grazed against the prominent wet spot on his briefs. Her eyes trailed down to his cock, which stretched the light cotton material that concealed it.

Lana’s doe-eyes trailed back to Matthew’s face, unsure of how to give Matthew the same kind of release he just gave her. She continued to look at him as she ran her hand up his rigid shaft. “Does it hurt when I touch it?”

“No - it feels really good….you can keep touching it.”

Lana adjusted her body, laying on her side and guiding Matthew onto his back. “Can I take off your underwear?” she asked in a sweet and suggestive manner.

Matthew moaned softly. “Mmmm….yes - please…take them off.” He lifted his hips as she gently tugged the briefs down his thighs, exposing a very generous and thick cock. Lana couldn’t help but to stare at it as it lay stiff in the middle of his pelvis.

“Can you show me how - maybe how to stroke you to make you cum?”.

Lana was eager to learn and Matthew was more than willing to show her how he liked being touched.

But what surprised Lana more was the intense urge she had to put his cock in mouth.

Jesus - one step at a time Lana….even though it does looks fucking yummy she thought.

With a few tips and pointers from Matthew, Lana began to stroke Matthew's cock, from the tip of the head down to his balls. She propped up onto her elbow and found herself to be a fast learner under Matthew's guidance. She studied his expressions—what movements made him squirm and moan, what made him flex his feet back and forth, and what made him groan and call her name. She never let his sensitive flesh get dry—she was salivating so much at the idea of one day sucking his cock that she would continuously moisten her fingers before massaging the glistening head and his girth. When Matthew's hips began to rise and his breathing became erratic, Matthew gripped the sheet and gasped for Lana to keep going, just a little faster. The erupting cum shot from his pulsating cock was Lana's reward—it was as perfect for a night of firsts as she could have ever hoped for.

Still looking a bit dazed, yet extremely satisfied, he turned his body towards Lana, resting his lips against her neck while his hand glided up from the back of her knee and up her thigh.

His breath was warm against the soft skin of her throat as he murmured how good she was. And something about being a really good student.

After tidying up with gentle, affectionate gestures, Lana and Matthew settled into bed. Initially drowsy, Lana's senses awakened as lamps were switched off and the glimmer from the city lights was softened through the dark solar shades. She yearned to savor this final "first" with Matthew—the experience of falling asleep and waking up beside someone she truly cared for. She smiled to herself when she heard his breathing pattern slow and even out, and then gingerly moved into her favorite sleeping position. Matthew awoke for a brief second, pulled her in close next to him, and drifted off to sleep once more. Lana's eyes grew heavy once she had calmed the thoughts that danced in her head, and fell asleep with hints of a smile remaining on her face.

As it always did during the work week, Lana's alarm sounded at precisely 5:25 am, and her window shades, set on an automatic timer, retreated into their housing. Typically, she'd be heading to the bathroom at 5:30 sharp, ready to tackle her standard exercise regimen. However, with Matthew's body still spooning hers, her traditional morning routine could take a backseat—just for one day.

Rubbing the tiredness from her eyes, she reached for her phone while Matthew’s arms tightened around her, silently pleading that she stay close to him. Setting her phone back down, Matthew kissed her exposed shoulder and groaned contentedly as he drifted back to sleep.

Lana lay awake, gazing into the darkness of the early morning hours. She found this time of year to be bittersweet with the days becoming shorter and the leaves beginning to change. After her traditional September vacation, when she rid herself from the hustle and bustle of her career and the city, she would return clear headed but yearning for a change. A change which she could never quite put her finger on.

Lying with Matthew that morning, she realized the change she had longed for and her desire to invest time in someone worthwhile were deeply intertwined. She would never dream of putting pressure on this new found whatever this is, but fuck if she wasn’t going to enjoy the moment to its fullest.

At 6:25 AM, another alarm sounded before Lana could silence it. Matthew stirred, whispering a husky "Good morning" in her ear.

Lana smiled and said the same to him while stroking his forearm. She softly said she needed to get ready for work and began to shift to leave Matthew's side. He pulled her back towards him in protest, opening up one eye as he moaned a long, drawn-out "Noooo….can’t you call in sick or something? Look at the clouds - it’s going to be a shit day outside….better off staying here…."

Lana playfully feigned exasperation, giggling as he nuzzled the back of her neck, while his free hand roamed up her thigh, circled around her torso before his palm rested under her breast, giving the soft roundness a gentle squeeze.

Lana savored Matthew’s early morning advances and thought perhaps she could call in sick, or at least cut her day short. “Do you have somewhere you need to be today?” she asked mid-squeal as he hands continued to wander over her skin.

“Supposed to be doing my lift training today at 9:30, but I can see about postponing it for another day - if you can stay in bed with me, that is.”

Lana shifted her body enough so she could turn to look back at Matthew. She enjoyed the feeling of being wanted but their respective careers still needed tending to. “How about this - I go to the office while you train. I’ll ask Ainsley to shift some calls around and we can come back here for lunch…something like that?”

“Mmmmm….something like that….”

Lana’s eyes grew wide and she bit her lip with the feeling of Matthew’s growing hard-on poking against her ass cheek.

You better pick up some condoms while you’re out Lana mused.

[chloessleepystories]

Sisters part 12

Chloe swung into action at the makeshift worktable in her own bedroom. She knew what she had to do, she just hoped she had the right tools. And enough time …

How had things gotten so far? All she’d wanted to do was turn her sister into a brainless slut … I mean, was that so wrong? Just … Just have a little fun with her. Show everyone she wasn’t that smart after all, and didn’t deserve all the scholarships, and the attention …

It was all so silly! She laughed to herself … it seemed funny that it had all seemed so important, at one time … What a silly girl she was!!

Chloe shook her head desperately with a gasp, and grabbed her headphones. She was running out of time.

Yes, it had started as a little fun. And then – well, it was hot making her sister submit to all the men. The boys. Kenzie had always acted like boys were beneath her, like dating was something she didn’t have time for or was too cool for …

Chloe knew why she, Chloe, wasn’t interested in boys, but she had never felt that her sister leaned the same way. Well, she’d shown her, hadn’t she? Kenzie loved sucking cock, now. Loved it more than reading books, which used to be one of her favorite things (hell, she barely remembered how to read now) but in addition to her newfound thirst to please men sexually, she was also addicted to her big sister’s pussy as well.

And for her part, Chloe felt more tender toward Kenzie than she had in years. Loved her, really. Loved going down on her, but loved making her happy, too. Was devoted to her sister. (Was that a function of the rivalry between them being gone? Or was it the subliminals acting on her subconscious?)

Turn it off, turn it off, goddammit turn it off before it was too late

But now … Kenzie was unhappy. Chloe needed to fix that.

Backing tracks, vocal synthesizer. Careful wording of the text. One hand holding the bulky headphones to her ear, the other adjusting levels. Her old homework desk had done all right as her first workstation for her recordings and experiments, but she was really wishing for the studio now. Couldn’t be helped.

But she knew this would be the perfect song to get through to her sister. One of Kenzie’s favorite songs, from one of her favorite movies, about loving sisters … If she could only finish her work before it was too late. Before the music claimed her too.

It’s too late it’s too late turn it off

Yes, of course she knew. Chloe could tell she was as affected by the songs as anyone else. It was harder to concentrate, and she was prone to fits of giggling, and it was probably only her deep awareness of the programming and how it worked that was letting her fight it this long. She’d been exposed to the music from the living room for probably two hours, the whole time she and her sister were playing. And every time she’d tried to turn it off … well, that’s when she really became aware that the compulsion to keep listening to the iPods was working on her.

When she’d been listing the effects of the subliminal tracks, she’d forgotten to mention the first one, the primary one that made all the others more effective. It was baked right in, right from the beginning: You love listening to this music. You don’t ever want to stop.

She put the big, noise-canceling headphones over both ears as she mixed and remixed the music. It cut out all the other distractions, and let her listen to the subliminals she’d created, the vocals, the new music … letting her concentrate.

She wondered what was happening in the living room now. She’d never meant for this to happen – for the music to ensnare her mother, her aunt … to make them slutty and stupid and oh so agreeable … God, it sounded like fun … No!

She wondered for a minute if it affected men the same way as women. She wondered if her father would turn giggly and dumb and horny …

She wondered, too, what would happen if a man like her father found out what the music did, and … used it against them.

What would happen if he learned the rules …

All you need to remember

Is obedience, pet …

Dave lay on the rug, naked, his wife straddling his head, her sister riding his cock. He’d cum at least three times, but was still hard, amazingly enough. And he’d missed the taste of his wife’s pussy – he was devouring it with gusto as he gripped her still-toned ass.

Above him, Lydia and Helen were making out with each other, massaging each other’s breasts, as he’d commanded, while wriggling on his cock and tongue. They were giggling, and moaning, and enjoying themselves immensely.

Dave lifted Helen off his face just enough to grunt, “Tell each other how devoted you are to pleasing me. How happy it makes you to be my sluts. And believe it, because of who is telling you …” He returned to sucking on her clit as Helen squealed her pleasure into her sister’s mouth.

“Omigod his cock feels so perfect in my pussy,” said Lydia, starry-eyed. “I love being sister sluts with you!”

“I can’t believe I ever wanted to divorce him,” Helen panted, pinching her sister’s nipples. “The only thing hotter than pleasuring his body, is watching him fuck you stupid! You’re addicted to his cock now, just like I am!!”

“I am!!!”

Turn it off turn it off turn it off you gotta find a way please I’m begging you just turn it off and we’ll figure out what comes next …

Chloe moved her largest speakers to be against the wall between their bedrooms, the headphones still over her ears. The speakers should ensure that, even without being able to put earbuds on her, Kenzie would be immersed in enjoyment of the new song as it blasted through the wall.

Had she always had a crush on her sister? Had that been behind this whole experiment? Or had that been created, and then fostered, by the experience, the enslavement and whoring her out and making her an obedient pussy licker … Or, maybe by her own exposure to the music, hypnotized to love and adore her sister, and wanting to obey her …

Impossible to say … and pointless to wonder now anyway …

There was something else she had to do … what was it?

Oh! Silly!! Can’t have two songs playing at once!! That would be SO annoying!!

And as if she had suddenly, finally, heard the whispered words from her subconscious, she walked calmly to the living room, in the perfect headphone-bound silence of her head, and turned off the Bose.

You’re gonna be dumber, dumber, dumber, cuz dumber is fu –

Click.

There. Now I can play the new song.

She turned, and watched the three naked adults sweating silently for a little while. Her eyes were a bit glazed. It was so mesmerizing to watch them. Mom was lying on her back on the couch, sucking Dad’s cock hard, while Aunt Lydia was going down on Mom’s cunt. Her aunt’s pussy, engorged and dripping, was waving at her, and Chloe licked her lips, watching it sway. How funny it was – like watching porn with the sound off.

Oh! Daddy was saying something. She took off the headphones … aahhh, now she could hear them moaning, gasping, slobbering …

“What are you doing, kitten?” he asked gently.

Chloe had to suck the spit back into our mouth to answer, and she realized she must have been drooling a little, her mouth hanging open for a while as she watched. “Turning off the music so Kenzie can hear my new song,” she murmured, her eyes fixed on her father’s long, thick shaft, slick with her mother’s saliva, as it stroked in and out of sight.

“Why don’t you go get your sister, and bring her here.”

“I’m …” She shuddered. Then looked into his eyes. They were warm, but firm, and held an expression she’d never seen on him before, only on horny teenage boys. Greedy, horny teenage boys.

“I’m trying, Daddy,” Chloe said in a small voice.

“Good girl.”

She whimpered. Then giggled. Then watched her aunt licking at her mother’s juicy cunt for a while, idly touching herself through her clothes. She could sort of hear snatches of songs going through her head, in the silence.

Her father pulled out of her mom’s mouth, slapping his cock against her cheek as he prepared to explode again. “Go on, now, kitten,” he said over his shoulder.

Chloe nodded, dazed, and left the room slowly.

I have to get my sister out of her room. That’s all that matters now. After that … We’ll figure out what comes next.

She walked down the hall, went to her workbench, turned everything on … then, still in a daze, and not quite herself knowing why, she put the headphones over her ears again. And reached for another iPod.

[go-go-devil]

My friend @silenthillmutual tagged me to answer some fic writer's ask game questions, so without further ado...

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

17 as of right now.

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

181,115

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Hylics, but I've dabbled in several different fandoms. I've also written for the band Ghost, Pathologic, Knock-Knock, created the Neverending Nightmares tag on AO3 which still only contains the 3 fics I wrote for it, and am currently writing an epic novel-length Dark Souls fanfic!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) Outcasts in an Overcast - 109

2) Dedusmuln Uncharted: The Hunt for the Paper Cup - 78

3) Molding A Legacy - 61

4) The Moon is Down - 60

5) Chaos Inverted - 51

Basically most of my Hylics fics lol 🌙 🎸🌯

5. Do you respond to comments?

I always try to respond to every comment I get since it's not often that I get any. There were a few that ended up slipping through the cracks of my memory, and to those I'm sorry since it now feels kinda weird to respond to a comment written years ago, but mostly if you see a comment that I haven't answered it most likely means I've already responded to the person on another social media site.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely a tie between The Moon is Down and Chaos Inverted, but frankly that's to be expected since Gibby's such a doomed character. Out of all the blorbos I had to write Shakespearean levels of angst for it somehow ended up being the clay alien who's head looks like an orange and/or zoopals plate XD

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ironically it's a Pathologic fic I wrote two years ago called Like A Fire Melting Us Down. Basically a hurt/comfort fluff fic featuring Murky and Daniil bonding over both being autistic. It's probably the only fic I've written fic I've written that has a definitively happy ending, as in there's no room for darker speculation for the future or anything like that.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no. If anyone out there doesn't like my fics they've done good not to harass me about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

No.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

The only crossovers I've written thus far both involve the game Knock-Knock; either the Lodger interacting with Thomas Smith from Neverending Nightmares or Daniil Dankovsky from Pathologic.

The latter comes from the fic Intruder, which I'm most proud of of all the crossovers I've done so far, yet I'm kinda surprised no one else has attempted this themselves or entertained the idea of my fic since Knock-Knock was what inspired Pathologic: The Marble Nest to begin with. I guess it's true that there are only 12 Western Knock-Knock fans left on the internet...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Also thankful this hasn't happened yet.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but if anyone wants to please let me know. I'd be more than happy for my stories to cross language barriers!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

One time my fellow Hylics fic veteran bombcollar wrote a story called Dedusmuln's Dossier, which is all about Dedusmuln documenting all of the enemies in Hylics 2, and which I contributed two pieces of writing for The Hand of Moodbleen and Carassius! It's an awesome fic I recommend any Hylics fan check out, and I had some good fun thinking of what I wanted them to say about these two uniquely annoying enemies.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Goddammit I don't fucking know lmao. I don't take shipping as seriously as other people do. For now I'll say Burakhovsky for all the beautiful art I've seen for it, the Hylics crew being in a queerplatonic polycule and, just to throw an insane curve ball at everyone in the room, Siegmeyer/Domhnall ;-)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'm gonna finish 'em all one day. I will not leave my children to rot in the pits of Writer's Block Hell...

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told by many people that they tend to really love the way I write dialogue for each of the characters I work with, original or already created. I'm also a lover of environmental descriptions and am always trying to build upon and improve in that aspect into my works.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably fight scenes since I've had so little practice, and due to a lot of the books I read not really having that many. I'm hoping To The Accursed can help me improve on that front, since Dark Souls is so heavily combat-oriented.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I haven't gone farther than using singular words in other languages as of right now. That's something I'm definitely gonna need to step up on later down the line, particularly since there will be Dark Souls characters I'll be writing soon who will be speaking some sentences in Latin and Welsh respectively.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Swedish metal band Ghost! It was a story called For A Divine Cause which was about Papa Emeritus Primo realizing he suffers stage fright right before he's supposed to start touring for the first album, and thus summons his younger brother Terzo to help shape him up into being a good front man.

It's without question the worst of my fics from a writing and technical perspective, but it was the first one I ever wrote so that's kinda to be expected. I am pleasantly surprised it has so many kudos and bookmarks after all these years!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Honestly, I'm think I'm gonna have to make it a tie between Dedusmuln Uncharted and Chaos Inverted.

The first is the fic where I truly started getting more creative in my writing (and is my first full made podfic which I'm even more proud of!), while the latter was sooooo much fun to write and gave me the confidence to write novellas. The Hylics fandom has been so supportive of my work, and I thank you all for being the best fandom experience I've ever had <3

That was fun! I'll tag @bombcollar, @pinkiepiebones, and @brainshock-alpha for this one ✏️✨

[sigil-stone]

How would you rewrite TES vore?

considering vore is an important part of malacath's creation, and i do love orc dad, i'm not sure if i would (/j)

(pssst i'm going to be talking mainly about skyrim, because i personally think it's the TES game with the largest amount of things that were almost really cool. i may go through and add points for the other games i've played too, but we'll see)

anyways. let'sa go

the Reach and Markarth. i would have the Reachfolk's kingdom be intact and comparatively strong, especially in relation to the Stormcloaks and Empire in Skyrim.

the Stormcloaks. take away the bit about Ulfric being a Thalmor asset, or bring actual attention to it. let there be consequences for Ulfric's actions, especially in the Reach.

the Dunmer. ESPECIALLY in skyrim. put more emphasis on the remnants of their culture, show clearly how it's changed. dive more into their relationship with the Nords, especially in Windhelm.

Keening. it was fan service. i acknowledge that. that being said, give us more! go more into depth with it! how many folks who haven't played morrowind got keening and was like, "what the fuck is this"? (<- me, at age 9. i thought it was just a pretty dagger). and i get it, it's a fun little thing for returning fans, but it's KEENING! arguably one of the most powerful artifacts ever created by mortal hands!!! in Morrowind you had to meet a god to even get it, but Arniel and the dovahkiin can just, use it?

the whole experiment with Arniel could've been expanded into its own story with different outcomes. it's incredibly jarring to go from generic fetch quests with an arcane slant to watching Arniel be horrifically torn asunder and bound to your soul. and then the story just! moves on! like it never happened! no one comments on the fact that you have a profane tool strapped to your waist! no one mentions arniel disappearing!! give the narrative consequences!!! let player choice effect the world in a meaningful way!!!

also, the Argonians. give them more lore, goddammit. explore the difference between those born drinking the hist sap and those who weren't. let those differences be of consequence to the player if they're Argonian.

the Thalmor as a whole. don't be scared, todd. let them be evil. i don't mean the caricature of evil we see in Skyrim - largely ineffective, too incompetent to really be seen as a threat. if anything, the Thalmor in Skyrim are just kinda... annoying. we see glimpses of their full potential - we hear about Malborn's family, the Night of Green Fire in Sentinel, we see the inside of a Thalmor prison... but these little snippets are overshadowed by how in-the-face the game is about how evil they are.

i'd portray the Thalmor, and the Dominion, as initially sympathetic. let them be right about some things. have the player learn about Talos - really learn about Talos - from a Thalmor source, and let the explanation go beyond "we don't like him because he's a man and we're racist."

it's not so much as changing the lore behind the Thalmor, more just the portrayal of them. maybe have the Thalmor as a joinable faction, let the player run around getting well-paid for doing things like keeping an eye on a certain person on a certain night, or delivering an artifact to another official. let the cracks begin to form in the foundations as you prove yourself to the Thalmor, and without really realizing, move on from fetch-quests to information-gathering.

let the Thalmor KNOW about the player. let the Thalmor use the player. let the Thalmor know that the player is a capital-p Prisoner. give them knowledge that no one else has instead of a bunch of snobby elves who just loiter around and talk about their Eviiiiil Plaaaansss to anyone kind enough to stop by and listen to them.

(i have my issues with his work, but AllinAll on youtube has my personal favorite portrayal of the Thalmor. they're sinister and powerful and terrifying and everything they SHOULD have been).

there's some more i could talk about but this post is already ungodly long, so. ya.

[willwriteforhugs]

i wish i’d never met you- choi jongho

boyfriend! jongho x reader - one shot!

word count: 1.8k

genre: angst, pain

synopsis:  your idol boyfriend finds out that you’ve been getting hate for dating him, and you’ve been hiding it this whole time. this doesn’t sit well with him...

warnings: death threats, arguing and yelling, cursing

a/n: this hurt so much to write i’m sorry

so i feel i should put a sort of disclaimer- this fic involves the mc receiving some pretty serious threats and hate content, and i just want to say: this sort of behavior is absolutely not okay in real life, or even fiction. i wrote this as a way to express my anger towards fans who act in this way- sending hate and threats to people you don’t know is horrible and completely fucked up. i just don’t want anyone to misunderstand and think i’m condoning this behavior. it’s very destructive, and unfortunately very real.

on a lighter note, i do hope you all appreciate this fic. it was hard but incredibly entertaining to create. thank you for reading <33

- - - 

your keys jingled as you struggled to fit your house key into the lock. stupid lock. you jiggled it harder, finally hearing the telltale click. your apartment complex had never gotten around to replacing it, though they said they would.

you sighed as you entered your home. it had been a long day, but you were looking forward to tonight. your boyfriend, jongho, finally had a night off. he'd been so busy lately... of course, you knew this was just how it was. dating an idol was a lot of work, and one of the downsides was the lack of one-on-one time. but jongho was supposed to join you at your small condo in only a few hours. so you kept your head up.

your relationship with ateez's beloved maknae had gone public recently. dispatch had caught you. you can still see the headline: "ateez's jongho spotted out with female office worker- to be or not to be?" jongho had been furious, apologizing profusely. you'd told him it was alright, though. after all, you weren't an idol. this couldn't possibly turn into much of a scandal. you will admit that you had been nervous about the public knowing- but it had been two weeks already, and not much had happened. (well, there was one exception, but you had convinced yourself it wasn't a big deal.)

you had picked up the mail on your way into the building, and you now set it on the counter, ready to filter through it.

you spent the next few minutes sorting the mail into piles. bills. ads. more bills.

then, a letter. your address was scrawled in pencil on the envelope, and there was no return address. you flipped it over, dread beginning to claw up your throat. you peeled the envelope open and pulled out the single sheet within. your hands trembled as you read what was typed:

"bitch. i told you to kill yourself. don't make me do it first. you can't just traipse around dating idols, you fucking whore. who do you think you are? you should be scared, knowing i have your address. kill yourself already. i shouldn't have to ask."

your breath came in shallow gasps. your heart threatened to pound out of your chest. this was the fourth letter you'd received. frantically, you shoved the letter back into it's sleeve, then sank to the ground.

the letters were the exception. you didn't know who was sending them. all you knew is that it was scaring you. you prayed it was a hoax. in fact, you'd been convinced that the first one was. but this was the fourth, and you were no longer thinking this was a joke.

suddenly, your cell phone rang, scaring you so hard you jumped. you stood up and left the room to go get your cell. and for a blissful few hours, the letter was forgotten.

- - - 

you were in the bathroom reapplying makeup when you heard him come in. 

“jongho-yah!” you called. “i’m back here!”

a moment later, your boyfriend rounded the corner, looking beautiful as ever. his dark hair was in a fluffy, wavy style today, and he was barefaced. you smiled as he came in, wrapping his arms around you from the back.

“y/n-ah.” he mumbled, his face buried in your hair.

you turned your head, hoping for a kiss. “hello.”

he responded by pressing his warm lips to yours. he ended the kiss quickly, pulling away to look you in the eyes. when you didn’t say anything, he did it again, this time lingering. he parted your lips with his own, and let his tongue brush the inside of your mouth.

this time you were the one who pulled away. “woah there, tiger.”

his face flushed. “i’m sorry, i just missed you.”

“i missed you too.”

he smiled and the two of you exited the bathroom, heading back out to the main room. 

“are you hungry?” he asked, suggesting buying take-out.

you told him not yet. for a few minutes, the two of you made idle conversation, considering how you were going to spend the evening. 

out of the blue, you were overcome with a sudden chill. you shivered, running your hands over your bare arms. “hold on, babe. let me grab a sweatshirt.”

you slipped into your bedroom, seeking out your favorite black hoodie. (stolen from jongho, of course.)

when you emerged from your room, you saw your boyfriend standing at the kitchen counter, mindlessly thumbing through your mail.

your mail.

the letter.

you gasped, rushing to where he was standing. your sudden movement startled him, and he stepped back. frantically, you snatched the envelope off of the surface of the counter. 

jongho raised his eyebrows. “what was that?”

“nothing.” you answered too quickly, and his brow furrowed. 

“baby, are you okay? where is the letter from?”

“it’s not important.” you snapped, reaching to shove it in the trash. before you could get it in, though, jongho had slipped the letter from your hand.

“jongho!” you yelped. “wait, please-”

but it was too late. he had gotten the letter out, and his eyes were already scanning the page.

a beat passed, the room filling with thick, insufferable silence.

then, finally, he spoke. his voice was low. 

“what the fuck is this?”

you squeaked, reaching for the letter again. jongho spun around, grabbing your wrist midair. 

“y/n-ah! what the hell is this?!” his voice had risen.

tears threatened to spill over your cheeks. “it’s nothing, nothing! it’s just a joke, i promise-” 

he cut you off. “y/n-ah.” your boyfriend’s voice broke. “is this the first?”

your vision blurred.

what were you supposed to say? that it wasn’t? that the letter was only the most recent, but you’d never told him? how do you tell the man you love that you’d been lying to him? 

“y/n.” you’d never heard jongho speak with so much emotion. “how. many.”

your voice cracked as you responded. “this is the fourth.”

jongho’s face splintered. “the fourth?” he whispered, his voice foggy. his eyes were unfocused. a beat passed, then; “why wouldn’t you tell me?”

your knees threatened to buckle. you didn’t want him to know for so many reasons. because you loved him. because he loved you. because you didn’t want him to worry. because you didn’t want to get him in trouble. because you didn’t- 

“what the hell is wrong with you? why wouldn’t you tell me?”

in that moment, you swore you felt your heart crack.

the room was once again filled with a suffocating silence, strangling you as he turned his thoughts over.

finally, he spoke, the realization having hit him.

“you didn’t want me to worry. to blame myself.”

somehow, even though the sentences themselves seemed kind, your boyfriend’s tone practically dripped in venom. you looked back up at him, vision blurry, but he plowed on.

“y/n, that’s not how relationships work. why would you hide this? why would you put your health, your happiness-” he stuttered, having a hard time voicing his emotions. “your fucking safety! your life, goddammit! why would you rather risk that than worry me?!”

something in his voice began to anger you, and you snapped back at him, surprising the both of you.

“because, jongho! because i fucking KNEW-” you slam your finger into his chest. “i knew you’d blame yourself, just like you are right now!”

“i blame myself because it’s my fault!”

“how?!” your voice rose to meet his. “how the hell is this your fault?”

“because it’s me! i’m the issue here!” he seethed. “if you were dating any normal guy, this wouldn’t happen. “but no. i was the one who fell in love with you, and now you carry around a weight you never asked for.”

you inhaled sharply, responding before you could even fully absorb his words. “but i chose you, too! i love you, and i’m willing to carry that weight, i always have been!”

“but that’s not the point! the point is that in the end, this!-” he gestured angrily to the letter. “this is because of me. and i hate it. because you know damn well who those come from. they come from crazy fucking people who don’t want to see you with me.”

you sighed, indignant and angry. “i don’t see why it has to be your problem! that is my fucking name on the letter, not yours.”

“but you wouldn’t be getting shit like that in the first place if it weren’t for me!” a beat passed and suddenly his whole body seemed to deflate. “it’s my own fucking fault for loving you.”

you couldn’t possibly think of how to respond.

“you... you get so much shit for being with me, and you know it won’t stop. i’ve made your life so much harder than it has to be.”

you opened your mouth to protest, but your boyfriend plows on.

“if only i wasn’t part of the equation- this would be unthinkable then.”

you felt ravaged. like you were dangling on the edge of a cliff, barely holding on. once, jongho had been your support. your rock. now- now you felt the air beneath your feet, sending chills through you as your heart hung by a thread. 

“god.” he put his face in his hands. “god, sometimes i just wish i’d never met you.”

the thread snapped. you let go of the cliff.

you fell.

you inhaled as the brutal words hit you. they entered like a smooth knife, only to be jerked and twisted in your gut. you took a step back, silent tears streaming down your face.

jongho instantly realized his mistake, his face paling. “y/n...” his voice was almost a whisper as he neared tears himself.  “you know i didn’t mean it like that,” he took a hold of your wrist, and you jerked it back.

“no.” you managed. your voice was scratchy and hoarse. “no. you did.” 

you couldn’t look him in the eyes. turning away, you stumbled towards your front door. without stopping to think- to think that it was already late, to think that you were leaving your own apartment- you shoved on your shoes and left. you didn’t even take your cell phone.

- - - 

back in the kitchen, jongho’s knees buckled, and he sank to the ground. a moment passed. then he put his head in his hands, and for the first time in ages, he sobbed- letting the world swallow him and his feelings whole.

[kpop---scenarios]

Same Time (1)

Pairing: Changbin x Reader / Minho x Reader

Genre: Friends to Lovers sort of, Friends with benefits

Warnings: Eventual Angst and Smut

Word Count: 2.5k

Authors Note: This is now a mini series! It will consist of 7 or 8 parts! Hope you look forward to it! If you would like to be tagged, let me know!

Taglist: @binnieboyswhore @f4ncyvelvet @skittlez-area512 @biaswreckingfics @buttvi

You walk through the empty dorm, heading to a specific room, one you had frequented quite a few times before. 

You walk into Changbin's room, seeing him sitting on his bed, playing in his phone. 

"Finally." He groans, standing up and walking towards you. 

"No one can know about this." You gasp as Changbin's lips attach to your neck, gently sucking, allowing a small moan to escape from your lips.  He removes his mouth from you, looking you in the eyes with a knowing look. 

"Why do you keep mentioning that?" He huffs. "I haven't told anyone anything." He finishes, moving his face back towards your neck, peppering kisses up and down.

"I heard you with Bangchan." You breathe heavily. "Talking about the girl you're fucking, the one with the tight pussy." You gasp. "They're going to want to know who it is, or meet her. So stop." 

He doesn't reply to you, instead his hands reach down for the hem of your shirt, tugging at it before beginning to lift it, exposing your stomach and then your breasts. He moves his body away from yours, and you raise your arms letting him fully take your shirt off and throwing it onto the floor of his room. 

"I'm serious, Changbin. The guys can't know." You say as he looks down at your breasts, pushed up with the help of a lace bra. 

"My favorite color." Changbin laughs, reaching behind you with one hand and undoing the clasp of your bra like a goddammit magician. You stare at him in disbelief as he smirks back, pulling the lace cloth from your body and dropping it down to the floor to join your shirt. "I have always loved your tits." He exclaims, cupping both your breasts with both his hands before opening his mouth and wrapping it around your nipple. Your hands run through his hair as he sucks slowly, flicking the tip with his tongue. 

"Changbin?" You both hear from the otherside of the door. "Are you in there?" 

He releases your nipple, his head shooting straight up as the two of you begin to panic. You scramble to hook your bra up, grabbing your shirt before running to the bathroom, quietly closing the door just before his door opens. 

Changbin sits on his bed with a pillow sitting on his crotch, hiding his very large erection. 

You press your ear to the door of the bathroom, doing your best to hear their conversation. 

"What?" Changbin asks, clearing his throat. 

Minho walks into the room, looking around, before looking at Changbin with confusion plastered over his face. 

"Is Ayn here? I thought I heard her giggle." He asks, a small blush spreading across his face.  

"Yeah, she's in the bathroom." Changbin says, pointing to the bathroom.

You take a deep breath, continuing to listen. "What were you guys doing in here?" He asks. 

"Just talking about shit. Did you need something?" Changbin asks, getting annoyed. 

"Yeah, I have something to ask Ayn." He answers. Changbin tenses up at is reply, feeling like he knew what he wanted to ask. He knew Minho had feeling for you, even before you and he started fucking around, but hey, it wasn't his fault Minho didn't get to you first. 

You turned on the tap, quickly walking your hands and flushing the toilet before opening the door to make your appearance. 

"Oh, hey Minho." You smile, as you walk out of the bathroom, drying your hands on a towel you had found laying on the bathroom floor. 

"Hey you." Minho grins widely. "A few of us were going for lunch, if you wanted to join?" He asks. 

"I'd love to." You smile, walking towards him. 

"Hey!" Changbin yells. "What about me?" 

"Uh yeah, if you wanna come you can." Minho says, smiling at you while he talks to Changbin. 

You had yet to confirm it, but you had a bit of a gut feeling that Minho had a thing for you and honestly if he ever asked you out, you'd probably say yes. Changbin had made a sort of agreement from the first time the two of you hooked up that whatever the two of you were, you would just be two friends fucking and nothing more. 

*Flashback; 6 months ago* 

You were walking through the dorm, looking for anyone, but it had seemed like everyone was out. You checked almost all the bedrooms, and with your hand on the door knob, you turned and opened Changbin's door. Your eyes immediately fell to the bed, seeing Changbin laying there with his hand wrapped around his cock, pumping it fast. The sounds of his grunts and moans echoing through the room. 

He looks up and sees you, panic mode setting in. "Ayn.. uh.. I.. " he stutters, trying to cover himself. 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry" You say, squeezing your eyes shut. You had heard the door close behind you as you walked into the room. You turn your body facing where you thought the door was, reaching your hand out, trying to find the door knob that had just been let go but you were struggling. Even with your eyes closed, you pictured his cock, making your pussy throb, it had been months since you had been fucked, and seeing how thick and long his dick was, it instantly soaked your panties.

You gave up on finding the door knob and just began to back out of his room, whispering apologies. 

"Wait." Changbin yells. 

You stop. 

"Would you want to.. fuck around?" He asks. 

Your eyes open. You look down, seeing him pump his cock. 

"As friends.. with benefits." He says. "I know it's been a while for you too.." 

"Two friends helping each other get off.." you whisper. 

"Yeah, a friend helping another friend." Changbin smiles. "No feelings involved. We're just friends." He says again. 

"Yeah." You say forcing a smile. "Got it. Just friends." You knew this was a bad idea. 

You knew you shouldn't do if, considering you had a very sizeable crush on him, but you'd never be able to tell him. You knew this would likely end up ruining you, and your friendship. 

"So what do you say?" He asks, a smirk appearing on his handsome face. 

Say no. Ayn don't. 

"Absolutely." You answer. 

Having him this way is better than not having him at all. 

"So Ayn, anywhere in particular you feel like for lunch?" Minho asks you, holding the door open for you. 

"It doesn't matter to me." You smile. "Wherever you guys wanna go is fine with me." You finish, motioning to the rest of the guys who were waiting in the hallway. 

"Pizza!" Hyunjin yells, raising his fist in the air. The rest of the men begin moving down the hallway, Minho waiting for you, and you were waiting for Changbin. 

"Lets go or we're leaving you." You yell into the living room. 

"Yeah yeah, stop rushing me or I won't eat your pu.." he pauses seeing Minho still standing there. "Pizza.. uh.. When you make homemade pizza next time I won't eat it." He coughs, trying to hide his slight embarrassment. 

"When did you make homemade pizza?" Minho asks as you began walking downg the hallway after glaring at Changbin. 

"I um, I'm not sure what he's talking about. You know him, always making things up." You tell him. 

Minho just nods his head, but you can tell he's trying to figure something out. "What kind of pizza are you going to get?" You ask Minho, trying to distracy him. It seems to work, he perks up, smiling at you. "Wanna split one?" He suggests. 

"Sure." You say, smiling back at him. 

While you were too busy looking at Minho, you missed the scoff and eye roll from Changbin who trailed behind you. 

**

A few days later, you sat on the couch at the dorm, laughing at a show with Bangchan while the rest of the members muddled around the dorm doing whatever they were going to do. 

"Hey, Ayn?" Minho calls you from behind the couch. You turn your head to look back at the nervous looking man. 

"What's up?" You ask, resting your chin on your hand on the back of the couch. 

"Could I talk to you for a minute?" He asks. "Over here?" He says, nodding his head towards the kitchen. 

You get off the couch, heading towards the kitchen with Minho following behind you, closing the small door separating the kitchen and the living room. 

"You okay?" You ask the man who stands there, his hands fidgeting in front of him.

"I'm going to ask you something, and I need to lose it before I lose my nerve." He says in in semi panicked voice. 

"Okay, go a head." You laugh. You can feel the butterflies floating around in your stomach as you wait for the question he needs to ask you. You already have a feeling you know what it was going to be. 

"Would you.." he pauses. Just as he's about to finish his sentence, the kitchen door opens revealing Changbin, who walks in, heading for the fridge. "Go on a date with me?" He says. 

Changbin freezes, his hand on the fridge door as he anticipates your answer. 

"I would love too." You smile. You can see the change in Minho's demeanour immediately as he processes the fact that you said yes. 

"Awesome.. wow. Okay, cool." He excitedly says. "Tonight? Like an hour?" He asks. 

"An hour works great." You nod. 

"Movie?" He asks. 

"Perfect." You smile, watching Minho exit the kitchen with a giant smile on his face.  

"A movie with Minho?" Changbin asks, turning around to face you. 

"Yeah, so what?" You say, shrugging your shoulders. 

"It's a date." He reminds you. 

"I know that." You laugh. "I heard when he said the word date." 

"Interesting." He mumbles, his hand gripping his bottle tightly. "You're really going to go? He asks. 

"Why wouldn't I?" 

"Cause you and I.." he trails off. 

"Are just friends, remember?" You say, patting his chest before walking out of the kitchen, getting more excited about your date. 

 ** 

Later that night you are standing outside the movie theater with Minho after the movie had finished. 

"That was a good movie." Minho says.  

"Oh yeah, really good." You agree but truthfully you hadn't paid much attention to the movie. You had been far too focused on on fact that the two of you were sitting so close to eachother, and your heart was beating so fast you thought he would most definitely be able to hear it from where he was. 

Your hands touched a few times as you both reached for popcorn, making the butterflies in your stomach flutters faster. You both nervously laughed, pulling your hands away. But it didn't take long for him to do the move, the one where he pretends to stretch, and places his arm on your shoulder, pulling you in close. You stayed like that for for rest of the movie, not to mention the fact that he held your hand when you were walking out of the theater. 

Minho was someone you could definitely see yourself with, but unfortunately you still had one problem. After he dropped you off at your apartment complex, he watched you go up the stairs until you were out of sight. You smiled at the ground as you walked towards your apartment. You looked up to see a figure leaning against your door with his arms crossed. 

You roll your eyes as you approach Changbin, nudging him over with your hip so you can put your key in your lock. 

"How was your date?" He asks, his face close to yours, a smile on his face. 

"It was really nice." You say, opening your door. You stand in your doorway on the inside while Changbin stands in the door way in the hallway, his arms on either side of the frame, leaning in close to you. 

"Will you see him again?" He asks. 

"Probably, yes." You laugh, walking into your apartment. 

"What about me? What are you going to do with me?" He asks, walking into your house, closing the door behind him. 

"What about you? Why do I have to do anything with you? Me and Minho aren't anything." You say. "As of now." 

You look at Changbin, a grin spreading across your face. "Why do you care, it's not like you're jealous, or are you?" You laugh. You grab your phone, reading the text from Minhk asking if you made it into your apartment okay. 

Changbin doesn't say anything, but stalks towards you, sliding his hand to the back of your head, pulling you in until your lips meet, making you forget all about your date with Minho. 

With your lips attached, he moves you both into the living room, sliding his tongue into your mouth, pressing himself into you. You can feel his cock pushing into your through his pants. You just wanted him to fuck you now. 

"Fuck me." You breathe, breaking the kiss, your phone still in your hand. Changbin bends you over the back of your couch, hiking up your skirt to expose your ass. He drags your panties down your legs, pooling them around your ankles as he forces your legs open. He moves his head under you, licking a your pussy with the flat of his tongue. He spreads your lips, flicking your clit with the tip of his tongue as he begins to slurp up your juices. He brings his hand up, pushing two fingers inside of you, making you gasp. Your head is laid on the back of the couch, your hand still gripping your phone as Changbin continues to eat your pussy and finger you. 

Your phone rings loudly, startling you. "It's him." You moan as Changbin sucks on your clit. He removes himself from you to say two words. 

"Answer it." Before going back to latch his lips to your clit. 

"Hello?" You breathe, your legs shaking as Changbin picks up the pace of his fingers. 

"Hey you." Minho replies. "You okay?" 

"I'm good." You say. "What's up?" 

"Have you heard from Changbin?" He asks. "We have rehearsal but no one can find him." He says. 

"Oh, Changbin is supposed to be at rehearsal?" You partially moan. "No he's not here but I'm sure he's on his way." You say, squeezing your eyes closed as you cum all over Changbin's face, letting out a small moan over the phone. "I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." You quickly say, hanging up the phone.

Changbin stands up, licking as much of his face as he can before he walks towards the door. 

"Until next time." He winks, walking out the door, leaving you there panting and feeling slightly guilty about doing that to Minho. Although, that night you went to bed dreaming about one person, and one person only.

[hivequest]

Taking a Risk » Mallek Adalov/Reader

Wordcount: 2.3k words

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, stressed out reader, chillboy Mallek. TYping quirk only used when texting cause I could not be bothered lmao Originally posted on AO3

A/N: One of my favorite things that I’ve written, ever. I love Mallek and he’s for sure one of my favorite Friendsim characters. When I wrote this I was really feeling those Quarantine Woes

You didn't know what you were doing here. You felt out of place in the worst possible ways. It was a weird, squidgy feeling like stepping on wet grass. But not like the fun kind where you were running around in a sprinkler on a hot-as-balls summer day. No, this was the bad kind of wet grass that you stepped on without knowing it was wet. Why weren't you wearing shoes?

This analogy is stupid. The point is, you're feeling bummed out.

And what better way to not have to deal with that than hang out with someone you knew wouldn't push you into talking about all the ways crashing on this planet sucked! The point is, you're on your way to see Mallek. Mallek is absolutely the kind of friend who can tell when you just need to sit down and veg out. You had been so caught up in everyone else's bullshit that you weren't looking after your own damn self. So now you were doing that.

All it took was a quick text, asking Mallek if he had any company. He texted back only a moment later with a no, obviously not. You asked him if he wanted any. Not really. You ask him if you can come over anyway. Obviously.

You smiled at the palmhusk in your, well, palm. You could already feel the chill vibes of your hacker friend. Friend? Was that the right word for it? You didn't know anymore. When you first met there were definitely some sparks there. You could still feel them now and it made weird butterflies flutter around in your stomach. When you slapped his phone out of his hand and he sent you ass over applecart into the slimy depths of sewer water and he saved you, tits out and all.

You shook off the weird wistful feeling of maybe possibly crossing the friendship barrier and told him you'd walk to his hive. You'd been moping in some bookhive, not your usual hang-out spot with Tagora or Tyzias. This was some upper caste bookhive with purple bloods and some indigos and definitely not where you were welcome if the looks you were getting were any indication. They ranged from snooty to downright murderous. Yeesh.

Your phone -palmhusk, stupid troll names- beeped again. You got another text from him and those cheery fucking butterflies were back. God, you had it bad.

yeah were not doing that lmao;

im not going to let my robobuddy walk out in the sun

do you even know what time of day it =

just stay put ive already got your location ill pick you up;

And like a good little friendsimp. You park your ass on a chair and wait. You hadn't released your moping had taken up most of the night. But with the quick look around, yeah, no, this place was nearly empty by now. Just some older bluebloods trying to cram before their Ordeals and get shipped off-planet. Again: Yeesh.

You kept your ears open for the telltale sound of Mallek's limo. It was a sound you were getting used to these days. He always seemed ready to drop whatever coding shit he was working on to come to see you. You tried not to think too hard on what that might mean. No need to get your hopes up now. It's probably just your bad mood making you imagine some context where there's nothing. Yeah.

Damn, that shit hurted.

Just as you were about to add that to the reasons you were considering just screaming your lungs out who cares whose listening? you heard the wonderfully familiar sound of an approaching elongated scuttlebuggy. If that wasn't enough of a clue as to who the ride was for the quiet of the bookhive was very abruptly disturbed by a series of rhythmic beeps.

Holy shit was that the Tetris theme?

You shoved your palmhusk into your hoodie pocket and yanked the hood over your head. Even if the sun was only out a little bit you didn't want it anywhere near your freshly healed skin. You had no kind cowgirl to nurse you back to health right now if you got your asscheeks baked by the flaming death orb. You peeked your head out and even with the blinding light of Alternia's suns you could Mallek had opened the door and was waiting for you.

Aw. No, shit. You're in a bad mood don't get all heart eyes at him. Don't make it weird.

You took a few steps back into the bookhive, ready to make a run for it. You turn to a sitting indigoblood, who is just staring at you disdainfully for keeping the door open. You give her a two-fingered salute. Godspeed young cosmonaut. She gives you a one-fingered salute. Close the door you insufferable bulgebiter. Fair.

Taking a running start, you book it out into the heat of the Alternian sun and dive for the open car door. It's then that you realize he's halfway parked on the sidewalk to lessen the amount of time you'd have to spend in the sun. Aw. That also means that you came barreling like a cannonball at something that was like two feet out of the door. FUck.

Your face meets carpet and you can already feel the rugburn starting to set in. You hear a startled wheezy laugh from above you, a sound you know better than anyone else on this planet. You smile. It's not like you had any dignity to begin with.

You say hello to him as you peel yourself off of the floor of his car.

"Hey, there robobuddy. You stuck the landing this time," He smiles down at you as he reaches over you to shut the door, closing the space out from natural light and leaving you both lit by his colorful LEDs. You shrug and tell him you've been getting a lot of practice landing on your face these days. The look he gives you is still smiling but there's some level of disbelief at the dumbassery that is your whole existence.

"I know you can get yourself into it. Nothing too bad this time, though, right? No drones or broken bones?" He sounds concerned which is nice but he doesn't drown you with his concern. He leans back on the bench of his limo, keeping an eye on you as the vehicle begins to move on its own. You've been staying out of big messes but the little messes are starting to mess with you. He makes a sound of understanding the sounds as it comes from deep in his chest. Whoa. "Believe me, I've been there. Glad you're not cracking under it though."

He smiles and you can see his little fang and you can feel your heart melt a little. And also you're getting a bit teary-eyed and now Mallek looks alarmed. Shit. You try to quickly explain that you're fine, just, alien allergies am I right? He must be using some new air freshener to mask the musty smell of his limo. Since doesn't use it enough. Ha ha?

He isn't buying it.

With a rare show of cerulean prowess, he lifts you up off of the shitty car rug and sets you on the seat beside him. He feels uncomfortable and you can tell. Ah, goddammit you made it weird. You didn't mean to. Fuck. Fuck now you're feeling even worse. You thought you were starting to balance out. You're with Mallek now, shouldn't everything start to quiet down like it always does? Fuck. He doesn't say anything at first, just leans back against the seat and stretches his arms across it, letting you lean on him if you choose to.

...You choose to.

Your head finds itself somewhere between his shoulder and his collarbone, and you just. Shove your face there. Then scream.

To his credit, Mallek doesn't even flinch. He doesn't wince or shy away from you as you let out every bit of anger, sadness, and frustration out against his sweater. He just sits quietly, staring straight at the blacked-out windshield. You get the feeling he's needed to do this more than once.

Screw this planet. Screw everything about it that makes all of your friends suffer. Why can't you just get them away from all this bullshit?! Why do you have to deal with everyone's bullshit! You love them, you do but holy fuck they're looking to you like you can undo all the damage this place has done to them when you've got literally no god damn idea what's happening at any point ever!

And then, just like that, it fades into the background. Your throat hurts. Your head hurts and you think you might be crying. But it feels lighter. Better now that you've gotten some of that aggression out. You aren't like the trolls on Alternia. You can't kill people when you experience an Emotion™. But that doesn't mean you don't get pent up with rage.

Mallek realizes that now. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and his left hand slowly moves down from the back of the seat the rest against your back. His thumb brushes against your back, the claw drawing little patterns against the fabric of your sweater. His sweater. He tries not to think his sign your chest. This isn't the time.

"Feeling any better?" He asks and you don't know how to answer. You kinda don't want to. But you nod anyways, and you feel some tension leave his body. You knew he was worried about you. You apologize for making him witness your meltdown but he just makes another deep-chested hum. "Nothing to apologize for. I got the feeling you weren't feeling great. I could tell from the texts, you didn't use nearly enough ugly emojis."

You scoff and smack a hand against his chest and once again you hear that wonderful laugh from him. Hey! Your purrbeast emojis are adorable, thank you very much! And you'll not hear another word of it or else you'll send him pictures of rocks and rocks exclusively. No more memes.

"Jokes on you I'm into that shit." You laugh and thump your head against his collarbone. You thank him for being with you when were needed it. And picking you up to make sure you didn't deal with it alone. You don't want to make it weird but...yeah.

He doesn't respond this time, just letting you both enjoy the silence and the comforting sound of the engine. You should almost be at Mallek's apartment by now. It's as you're settling in for the last bit of the drive that you notice that the limo isn't moving. And hasn't been for a while. Your head pops up in confusion and the little GPS display on the back of one of the seats says... yep.

You're already at Mallek's.

But then why is the engine still on? That can't be good for the environment. Do these things even run on gas or is it bugs? Bug gas? Gross.

You notice then that the rumbling is coming from behind you. Like. From where Mallek is sitting. He doesn't look away when you turn to him, just kind of tilting his head to the side with a little bit of a cerulean hue to his cheeks. Oh. Oh, the sound is coming from him. He's purring. That's.

That's adorable.

You feel yourself soften even more when he lifts his arms, silently offering a hug if you want it. Is this platonic? Is this more? You've never had too much trouble identifying what people wanted from you. (Debatable.) If was overtly flushed you could shut it down or divert it to something very much friends only. (Like your every exchange with Zebruh.) But did you even want to do that to your hackerman? You could feel yourself screaming, no, absolutely not. But at the same time, you didn't want things to change. You didn't want to make his issues any worse than they already were. He didn't have too much longer on the planet and you knew it would tear him apart.

But then he turned those blue eyes to you. He looked just as unsure as you were but he was willing to take the risk. He shoved himself so far out of his comfort zone for you and was asking you to be selfish. To want something for yourself and do something for yourself. Not put him or anyone else's wants first. Just your own. And so you did.

You crawled up into his lap, pressed yourself as close to him as you could and clung to him. His arms didn't hesitate to wrap around you and you could feel a shuddering breath from above you.

"We don't have to put a label on this... not yet. Or ever. Either way is chill with me. I just... yeah." He gave up with a little shrug of his shoulders but you knew what he meant. Unless you could find a way to fight fate he was going to go off-world. He was going to leave you and you doubted you'd be able to go with him. You'd probably get gored by a drone for even trying.

But even if it was just for now, just for a moment, you were going to take it. You were going to let yourself have something, have someone who would care for you no matter how long or short your time was. You'd take it. You had stomached some of the most horrible things on this planet but Mallek had always been a constant. And you got the feeling he thought the same way about you.

So, you'd take it. Whatever comes next, you'd take it. You listened to the sound of his purring, in no hurry to move to get inside the apartment. Mallek felt the same.

You exhaled.

You would be okay.

[hadesisqueer]

I'm bored and I don't care and you most probably don't care too but I don't care about that either, so here it comes: my Blake analysis.

People tend to think Yang is my favorite character. And, although they're not entirely wrong, because she's the character I relate the most to, my actual favorite character is Blake. I just find her so inspiring, and such an interesting character yet flawed character. CRWBY did a great job showing her traits as both the Beauty and the Beast, and I just love it.

Leaving the White Fang and Beacon times

Honestly, one of the things I admire the most about Blake is just how freaking brave she is. Because it takes an incredible amount of courage to be able to realize about your mistakes and seek a way to redeem yourself by learning to help people. And it takes a lot of strength to be able to leave your abuser behind.

Blake leaves the White Fang and gets into Beacon hoping for two things: redemption and a new life. She starts off as the typical quiet, kind of cynical (yet still idealistic), emo and mysterious girl who we knew basically nothing about her. We had basic information about the other three, but nothing from her except that she wore a bow and liked books.

I really liked how she seemed to not want to get close to anyone, but then the interactions with Ruby and Yang came. She, although kind of annoyed because they wouldn't let her read (mood), seemed amused by them, and even awkwardly tried to tell them that it was a pleasure to meet them as they fought and before Weiss came and she gave up reading (mood).

Which is one of the reasons I think she chose Yang as her partner. She was probably looking for a partner who she knew she could work well with. And having being partners with Adam, who was just as much of an offensive fighter as Yang, she knew she could work with that. That and the fact that she also seemed to like her and Ruby the night before, so Blake probably recognised her and followed her around to check if Yang could fight too (also because she was hot okay this is just me shipping). And when she saw she could, she was probably like “Okay, I'm keeping this one”. Which is fun, because Blake was the quiet girl and then she went and chose the most extrovert partner (besides Nora) there was. And actually liked having her around, as anyone could see when she smiled when Yang said something.

And that's the thing: she didn't want to get really close to anyone, but she was really eager to start a new life. Even though she wasn't really sure about Weiss, she had good teammates and genuinely liked them. She joined Ruby and Yang in their idiocy (love those two) from the start and showed to be as much as a dork as them if she wanted. She was relaxed with them and liked team JNPR too (we never really saw her having conversations with them alone but if she sat with Pyrrha in class it meant she was cool with them too) and, if you read the books, she was really good friends with team CFVY as well.

Still, she was afraid to open up about her past, or even tell them about being a faunus to the point that when she slipped and told them when she was mad at Weiss being an ignorant, she ran away. Because after all, she doesn't think they would like her true self. I mean, we're talking about a girl who ran away from the White Fang because she realized it had turned into basically a terrorist organisation -one she took part of, and left her family behind for. A girl who's suffered from abuse, making her feel like she doesn't deserve anything good. It's crystal clear in the comics (though they're vol 4 content), Blake thinks she is poison and ruins everything good around her. And she felt like she'd just ruined it again. Which is why when she sees that they don't care, and that Weiss has decided she doesn't care either (and to me, that's the beginning of her arc of being an ignorant and daddy's girl to “when I see a racist a floor him and fucky you, dad), Blake almost cries.

Then in vol 2 she is literally obsessed with Torchwick and the White Fang. It's understandable: she used to be part of that organisation (goddammit, her own father created it) and she's had to see how it went from believing in peace and equality to becoming more violent to start working with human crime lords in a way that doesn't seem to benefit the faunus at all? She knew there was something big going on, and even if she had to fight her own past, she was willing to if that's what it took to find out what it was. It's funny because I felt like she was the main protagonist in that volume instead of Ruby and it's true: she was the one calling the shots.

The thing is that she took it too far and led her to basically become obsessed with the White Fang, as I said. To the point that Yang had to almost literally slap some sense into her and tell her to chill and go to sleep. And well, it worked. She took Yang's advice and didn't forget her goals, but took her time instead of destroying herself in the process.

In vol 3, she seems more relaxed than we'd ever seen. She doesn't have to hide who she is to the people she cares about, because she's slowly opening up more and they are understanding. They succesfully stopped a Grimm attack in Vale and got Torchwick in jail, so she felt more confident and hopeful. And they were killing it at the Vytal Festival. So yeah, she deserved to chill a little, enjoy herself, to be a little goofy and eat some tuna with her friends. The girl had earned it.

... but it's volume 3, and if it fucked everyone up, it wasn't going to be any different with Blake. Like, for fuck's sake, give the poor girl a break.

It starts with Yang breaking Mercury's leg and Blake not knowing what to think. Because as she said, the whole situation was so familiar. She'd had a passionate and aggressive yet “kind” partner before, one she thought she loved and trusted, and he slowly became more and more violent, and more abusive, and for a long time, she was blind to it. And then Yang does that. Her passionate and kind of aggressive yet sweet new partner, who she may already had romantic feelings for (even if she hadn't realized yet), who even had the same semblance as Adam. Was it all happening again?

Yang and Adam are, after all, foils of each other in a way. They're really similar. The main difference is how they deal with their suffering: Adam used it as an excuse for hurting others and never really got over it, and Yang took meaning from it instead and found the way to move on. Her heart was never driven by hate; she used her pain to become a better, stronger person. After all, just as Blake said, Adam was Spite, and Yang was Strength.

Blake's reaction was understandable. She was a victim of abuse and the situation reminded her of it. And as I said, it didn't help that Adam and Yang were so similar. But deep down, she knew that Yang wasn't Adam, that there was an explanation, which is why she gave Yang that chance to tell her. And she knew Yang wasn't lying.

And then everything gets REALLY fucked up for everyone. The situation couldn't be worse. Penny has died, Ruby is at Amity Arena, Yang is still at the dorms. Blake and Weiss are fighting together at Beacon against the White Fang and Grimm- and also the robots. And getting separated was honestly the worst thing they could have done, but Blake went after that Beowolf. And then she found Adam.

I don't think I have to even explain how I think she felt at that moment, when she saw her abuser right there in front of her eyes, for the first time since she left him. I think the look in her eyes are enough to express how terrified and conflicted she was. And yet, she is brave enough to fight him. And she loses. And then the guy uses “summon love interest” card and Yang appears, and he sees right through Blake. And the thing she feared the most happens. She's ruined it. She's really ruined it.

Vol 4 & 5 or the Belladonnas, Sun and Ilia.

Volume 4 is, without any doubt, Blake's lowest point, and again, thank God for having her parents and Sun around, because the girl was almost suicidal (most of all, when you read the comics). As I said, she feels like she's poison who ruins everything good around her, and this once, the universe has proved her right. Yang, her lovable partner who had been nothing but sweet, funny and understanding since she'd met her, had lost an arm trying to save her. And she knew that Adam wasn't kidding when he said that he'd kill her. So she left because she'd rather have Yang, Ruby and Weiss hating her than risking their lives. And because she couldn't stand the guilt she felt. The poor girl hated herself for what happened.

It took her while to decide to go back to Menagerie, but she did, and I was honestly thrilled to find out about her family. Like, we knew about Ruby and Yang being sisters and later we also find out more about their family life. We knew about Weiss being the heiress of the SDC, that she came from an important family, and later we know that she has siblings and it's implied that her father is a dickhead. But we didn't know anything about Blake's family life. We didn't know if she had any family at all or if she was an orphan, or if she had been abandoned, or if she was poor or rich. I think a lot of people had those headcannons before vol 4. But nope. Those ideas were obliterated.

Her father had created the White Fang, which explained why Blake always took the whole matter so personal: it was her legacy, and it had been taken from her and became corrupted. Not only wasn't she poor: she was some sort of fucking princess and owned a mansion. And not only wasn't she an orphan or an abandoned kid: out of team RWBY, she was the only one with two functional, loving parents. She clearly felt guilty about leaving them as well but both of her parents forgave her without any doubts, and showed her unconditional love. Kali and Ghira were two understanding and forgiving people who loved their daughter more than anything, and really, it was such a relief.

And I have my issues with the whole Sun thing, most of all after reading Before the Dawn. He followed her without permission, didn't respect her boundaries and she got too aggressive with him sometimes because of that (first slap I get it, the other two no). And I don't think he was completely necessary for the whole Battle of Haven thing. But at the same time, I really think having him around actually helped Blake a lot. Because yes, he didn't understand her many times, but I do think that having him around helped her as much as her parents. He had a big crush on her, and Blake did like him back, but never at the same level. After the time-skip, he still liked her but her crush on him had faded. And he took his time, but he realized. Blake didn't need a boyfriend, she needed a partner, a good friend who opened her eyes and made her understand that not everything that happens is her fault. That pushing people away with the excuse of protecting them wasn't helping anyone: she was just hurting herself and others more. And that's what he became. And I love the fact that he never for a second thought that she owed him anything: he helped her because he wanted, not because he expected anything from Blake. He would literally be disgusted with people who think she did owe him. Sun has his issues but he is an amazing friend and a perfect example of a guy without one bit of toxic masculinity, and his friendship with Blake is just great (can't wait to see more of them. Brotp).

Blake got love, forgiveness, support and friendship from her parents and Sun, but honestly, I think that what finally pushed her to stop running away and put an end to this whole bullshit was Ilia's appearance. Her former best friend up until she left the White Fang (who was, by the way, the person who indirectly gave her the idea of using a bow to pass for human).

She had already seen someone she cared about lose his way and turn into a monster. Blake herself had lost her way for a good while, found it back and then lost it again, and was working to find it once more. Seeing Ilia in that situation too made her brain go like “Okay, there's no way I'm letting you end up like Adam”. Blake knew Ilia wasn't like Adam, she knew it wasn't too late for Ilia yet, just like it hadn't been too late for Blake herself. So she gave Ilia the same things her parents and Sun had given her, the same things team RWBY gave her once too: love, forgiveness and friendship. And by helping Ilia, Blake also helped herself. I've done this before in another post, but I'll do it again; as uncle Iroh said once: sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else.

(I'm not going to get too deep about the White Fang; most of all, because I'd need an entire post just about it. I'll just say that even though I thought I liked most of it, I still have a lot of issues with the White Fang thing and I found the end to be a bit disappointing and rushed).

Back with team RWBY, rebuilding relationships and Adam's end.

I'll never stop thinking that the fact that she didn't know what the fuck was going on at Haven but still joined the fight was hilarious, but still, it really made sense. She's done running away from her fears and her past, and one of her fears was that: confronting her team (mostly, Yang, because of the whole Adam thing) after leaving them. And then they all appear right in front of her eyes.

Past Blake would run away again to avoid the consequences. But she'd grown from that. Instead, she dealt with her own problems with Adam and the White Fang, and as soon as she was done, she went right back into the building and start fighting by Weiss and Ruby's side. And after the fight, while she was talking to her family and Ilia, Sun gave her the final push: he encouraged her to go and actually talk to the team, and she did. She went and told them that if they gave her a second chance, she wouldn't leave them again. Because she knows that leaving them had been one of the biggest mistakes of her life, if not the biggest one. She didn't know if they'd forgive her (a part of her probably still thought they wouldn't, and that she probably didn't deserve it anyway) but she still tried. And Ruby and Weiss accept her without questions. And honestly, the face Blake makes when she sees that Yang is also accepting her back and then they all invite her to the group hug still gets me every time.

She was obviously really happy that they'd forgiven her and that they gave her another chance that it's clear she was really trying to make the most of it. She clearly wanted to make up for lost time, and really make up for leaving, showing Ruby a bunch of times that she was always ready to follow her lead, reassuring Weiss after finding the bodies and... the whole thing with Yang. Because she felt guilty. But don't think Blake was feeling guilty because of the arm thing; at least, not anymore. She had reached a point where she understood that Adam's actions weren't her fault. No, she felt guilty because she left.

Yang had told her about Raven, and Blake knew that the poor girl had some serious abandonment issues (actually, Blake and Raven are kind of similar as well but with many differences, like the fact that they both tend to run away when they're scared, but for different reasons; one leaves by putting people in harm's way to protect herself, and the other because she wants to protect people in the wrong way. Eventually both get called out on that behaviour, and one responds with running away again, and the other with learning to not to run and face her fears. Both are foils of each other in Yang's eyes just like Yang and Adam in Blake's. Okay I'll continue). And Blake knew that when she left Yang, she most likely made said issues worse. Which is why she was trying so hard to make sure that Yang knew she wasn't leaving her again. She even actually tells her over and over again. “I'm not leaving”, “I'll hurry back”, “I'm not gonna break my promise, I swear”. Even during the Bees vs Adam fight, she says “I have people who actually care about me and I promised I'd never leave them again, so I'm not dying now”. That states two things:

1) She wants to fucking live, of course.

2) Blake is telling Yang that she is not going to die, not only because, as I said, she is a normal person who wants to live. But because she knows that, even if she would totally do it given the case, Yang doesn't want her to sacrifice herself for her, because then, she'd be leaving her again. She is telling Yang that she's not going to do that, and that they'd leave that place together.

But the thing is, Blake was trying SO hard to be there for her that she made things awkward, making Yang think Blake believed she was fragile and needed protection, which wasn't the case (I already talked about all this and Yang hating people taking care of her she thinks it makes her weak in the Yang analysis). And which is why Blake corrected herself and said “protecting each other”, as equals.

(Before people complain about how I'm talking too much about Yang in here, let's be clear: you can't make an Yang analysis without talking about Blake. Just like you can't make a Jaune analysis without talking about Pyrrha. You can't make a Salem analysis without talking a lot about Ozma. Or a Weiss one and not mention her entire family. Because that's what happens when you write a complex character with varied relationships with different characters - the relationships shape the character into what they are-. And Blake and Yang's arcs is so intertwined with the others' since the Fall of Beacon that you can't make an analysis of one without talking a lot about the other. Thus, I'm analyzing their relationship too, just like I'm talking about Sun, Adam and more. And yes, I'm doing this from the romantic perspective. Because, in case you hadn't noticed, the relationship stopped being platonic since Heroes and Monsters, and has been showing to be more and more romantic as the show goes on. It's been even confirmed to be romantic. So please, anon, I'm talking to you: if you don't like it stop reading lmao).

Now for the Adam part. Man, I can't even talk about this.

People complain that it didn't make sense that Blake seemed full of confidence at Haven when facing him, and then at Argus, she was terrified. Well, let me clear one thing up: the situation was totally different, dude.

At Haven, she was surrounded by people she knew they would help her: Sun, her parents, damn, even team RWBY. She had a whole army supporting her (and even with Sun's help, she wasn't dumb and she knew better than trying to follow him, because she knew him and knew that that's what he wanted). So of course she was going to feel safer then than being totally alone with that guy who had been stalking her across the world like a total creep. Like, thank God Yang appeared and helped her.

Once again, these three are all together again since the Fall of Beacon. This guy, who maimed and traumatized Yang in a way she will most likely never completely get over (as a person with PTSD, I know it gets better, but it will never entirely go away). Blake's ex boyfriend. A person she trusted and loved, and turned out to be completely different than he made her believe.

Blake's done with running away from him. And she's done with being afraid, because she is. But even though she's afraid, I love how during the entire fight, he tried to get in her head but Blake didn't let him. Because she was done with that. He had abused her, tried to kill her and the people she loved, took her innocence and confidence, even stole her own legacy. And she's not letting him do that again. Not now, and nevermore.

Sorry, I had to.

Blake and Yang give him multiple opportunities to leave. He didn't. We know how that ended for him. And even after that, Blake feels terrible about having to take his life, and feels guilty about it, or felt like she'd ruined the whole “let's steal an airship” plan. But luckily, she had all of her friends reassuring her and being completely understanding and loving, and honestly, I'll say it a million times: that scene between Ruby, Blake and Yang is one of my favorites.

Volume 7

We don't see much Blake during volume 7, to be honest. Yes, we get that great moment with Weiss and Jacques (fuck you). We get to see how she really hasn't forgotten about the whole Adam thing, and how killing him was haunting her in a way. We got to see her and Yang being the ones who reached out for Robyn (people with brains who don't try to take her out and try to make her and the HH allies instead. THANK YOU). We got to see her and Yang kicking some ass in the RWBY vs Ace Ops fight. And of course, we get confirmation (we already knew, but some people are blind and needed more. Some people won't understand until they kiss) of Bumbleby going the romantic way. And I liked that.

But neither Blake nor Yang had much of an individual arc or important stuff to do last volume (and I really hope that changes in volume 8). That annoyed me. But at the same time, I remember that they hadn't had a break since vol 3; Blake had never had one, actually, because every volume found the way to emotionally fuck her up in some way. And after losing limbs, being stabbed, having to deal with terrorists, with bandits, with terrible moms, with abandonment issues, with PTSD and depression, with an abusive exboyfriend they even had to end up killing to survive... I was kind of fine with both of them getting an “easy” volume where they didn't have to deal with big emotional arcs like that, and were just chilling and enjoying themselves for a little while. Still, I want them to be more important, both as a couple and individually, next volume.

Conclussion

As I said, Blake is my favorite character. She is a very flawed person who learns about her flaws and works hard to be better. She is incredibly brave, by far, the bravest character in the series, who overcomes her fears and her abuse and moves forward. Blake's arc, besides taking back her legacy and fighting for equality, is about her finally understanding that she's not to blame for others' actions, that she isn't poison. She learns to finally stop running from her fears and her guilt, to stop pushing others away, and realize that she deserves a second chance, that deserves forgiveness and love and friendship, and to be happy. Blake's entire personal journey is about her finding her path, about overcoming her abuse and trauma, and about learning to love herself. And I love it. I love her.

[makeste]

this is pretty random and you don't need to answer it, haha, but could you share your personal hcs regarding platonic todobaku with me??? 🥺🥺🥺 i'm in need, LOL, and your takes on characterization and relationships on bnha are always so spot on, so... i hope you're having a good day/night!!!!!!!💖💖💖

thank you so much! sorry it took a while to gather all of these; my TodoBaku headcanons weren’t as immediately forthcoming as my general Baku headcanons were. but here goes. the first half of these ended up being more just my general thoughts about their relationship than actual headcanons, but I eventually steered myself back on track.

first of all, this is important to note: when Katsuki says in ch. 241 that “there’s no correlation between time spent [together] and friendship”, it’s not purely out of denial. this is something he genuinely believes, having learned it the hard way growing up. for someone who seemingly led a pretty charmed life for most of his childhood, Katsuki hasn’t actually had a particularly sunshiny experience when it comes to his friendships. all of his closest childhood friends eventually left him (Tsubasa), turned on him (Deku -- from his perspective lol. obviously this wasn’t actually the case at all, but it’s how he interpreted it, and it definitely had a big impact on him emotionally), or abandoned him (that long-fingered kid, who notably fled and never looked back when the sludge monster tried to eat Katsuki back in chapter one. like, thanks for nothing, my dude).

so it’s not surprising that all of these experiences would have a profound impact on Katsuki’s ability to trust other people and accept them as real, genuine friends. in its own way his childhood was almost as isolating as Deku and Shouto’s. it’s only since coming to U.A. that he’s started to make real friends again for the first time since kindergarten. and even then, in the case of Kirishima and Kaminari and Sero, even though I think he does consider them friends, he still isn’t very open with them. because he’s learned the hard way that that can lead to hurt, and I think he’s very hesitant to ever let himself be vulnerable to that again.

but having said all that, Shouto is still absolutely correct when he says that they’re friends. and the thing is Katsuki knows it too, but he’s just reluctant to admit it. partly because the part of his brain that processes everything as rivalry isn’t sure whether Being Friends With Shouto = Losing To Shouto (IS THIS A TRAP??), and partly because of everything else I just explained above. even though by this point he knows Shouto pretty well, well enough to be reasonably sure he’s not just gonna be another fakeass groupie who turns tail at the first sign of trouble, there’s still a part of him that’s hesitant to admit that connection is there, because doing so opens him up to potentially being hurt again at some point. goddammit. why is this shit so complicated.

meanwhile on Shouto’s side of things, this poor lil bubba never had any friends growing up to begin with, so he’s not nearly as paranoid or prickly as Katsuki is. instead, he’s still discovering for himself just what friendship is all about. the interesting thing about Shouto is that since he never had any childhood friendships, in a way, the friendships that he’s making now at U.A. are his childhood friendships. and so they tend to be straightforward and uncomplicated in much the same way that very young children’s friendships are uncomplicated. “I like this person; I am going to make them my friend.” boom. done. friendship is mad easy yo.

and he does like Katsuki! sure, his personality is a bit unconventional, but there’s a lot to admire about him even so, and they actually have a lot in common! they’re both rather introverted. they’re both very serious, and I think this is something that Shouto particularly appreciates, because jokes and idioms and playful insincerity sometimes fly over his head just because he doesn’t have a lot of experience dealing with other people. but Katsuki NEVER jokes around, and he is never insincere. he says what he means, with the exception of insults, which are 90% more bark than bite. and so once Shouto figured that out, it became very easy to figure out how to interact with him. aside from that, they’re both close with Shouto’s Other Best Friend Midoriya, they both have incendiary quirks, and they both tend towards the quiet side (yes, even Katsuki) with the occasional burst of hotheadedness (maybe a bit more than “occasional” when it comes to Katsuki’s end).

and like I said, there’s a lot that Shouto admires about Katsuki as well. he really respects how determined Katsuki is, because he himself lacked any sort of clear goals for quite a while growing up. all he knew was that he didn’t want to end up being like his dad. but Katsuki is someone who has always known what he wants, and he goes after it with a singlemindedness that Shouto is almost envious of. he’s also very intelligent and quick-thinking, and Shouto knows he can rely on him in a tight spot. he’s also honest, and surprisingly principled, and while he’s definitely not the nicest guy around, I think Shouto can recognize to some degree those same types of walls that he once spent so much time building up around himself. and so he knows that to a certain extent, Katsuki’s hostility is just a front. and I think he’s both intrigued by that, and drawn to it. because every so often when Katsuki’s guard does drop and his better self briefly shines through, Shouto can see that he’s someone worth getting to know.

anyways, but enough of my rambling about their relationship, and on to the actual headcanons. first of all, I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that at some point during all of those mentally and physically taxing weekends spent training for their provisional exam, they have each fallen asleep on the other’s shoulder during the ride home. Katsuki was actually the first to do it, and it was only for a couple of minutes, but when he woke up he was absolutely mortified. but much to his relief, Shouto never said another word about it. (and if Shouto still remembers the warm, cozy feeling in his chest during those few brief minutes when Katsuki was dead to the world, with his face smoothed out and completely trusting and his breathing strangely in rhythm with the movement of the car, and if doing so brings him a sense of calm that’s hard to describe, well then, that’s no one’s business but his own.)

anyway, so because life is Just Like That, eventually of course the reverse happened. and with anyone else, Katsuki would have violently shoved them aside without a second thought, and he was almost gonna do the same here, but then he remembered he owed him (because he really did keep his mouth shut about the earlier incident, thank fuck), and so he didn’t. for almost two whole minutes, anyway. whatever. that’s more than generous, really. meanwhile no one else knows about this except for Aizawa, who was chaperoning them that day, and took mild notice at first on account of it being unusual behavior on Katsuki’s part, but then immediately forgot about it afterwards. he was proud of them both for upping their napping game, though. he respects naps.

both Shouto and Katsuki were actually scared shitless during the test of courage at the forest training camp, and if Katsuki hadn’t been kidnapped and everything had instead gone on as normal, they would have both had trouble getting to sleep that night. Katsuki actually can’t stand scary movies or ghost stories (fyi this is canon according to the third light novel, and EXCUSE HIM FOR HAVING A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR THE SUPERNATURAL. you wanna go and get your own dumb ass cursed or dragged to hell or whatever, BE HIS GUEST). whereas Shouto has next to no experience with them and doesn’t really see what’s so scary about ghosts because GHOSTS AREN’T REAL DUH, but even he feels a little unsettled when an undead swamp girl suddenly rises from the depths and crabwalks towards them in the middle of the woods.

Katsuki has on rare occasions been so drained by provisional lessons that he goes into autopilot and forgets to pretend not to be friends with Shouto, which can result in them having completely normal conversations for minutes at a time before he eventually regains enough of his senses to realize he’s fraternizing with the enemy. this is how Shouto learned about things like Katsuki’s favorite foods, and his love of hiking. the latter is actually one subject that Katsuki can go on and on about if you get him started, and Shouto very much enjoys hearing about it and never tries to stop him.

by contrast, Katsuki never intentionally seeks to gain any new knowledge about Shouto because he feels like he already knows way more than he ever wanted to. however, this doesn’t stop him from absorbing knowledge against his will by simple osmosis, and then discovering to his dismay that he’s retained the information afterward. this is why he also knows Shouto’s favorite food in return (although to be fair, I think everyone in Japan knows Shouto’s favorite food), as well as other tidbits like the fact that he likes strawberry-flavored things (because he always gets the same brand of strawberry milk from the vending machine during their lunch breaks). he hates himself a little for both noticing and remembering these stupid little details, and would rather be kidnapped again than ever admit to Shouto that he does.

Katsuki thinks of Shouto as “Todoroki” in his head rather than “IcyHot” or “Half n’ Half”, and has to make a conscious effort to use the nicknames whenever he addresses him out loud. more and more often he finds himself forgetting to do so nowadays, much to his dismay. Shouto was pleasantly surprised the first few times it happened, but quickly stopped taking notice of it, as he’s come to realize that the way Katsuki addresses people carries very little meaning regardless, since something like 75% of his actual feelings are conveyed through his actions rather than his words.

Katsuki does wish that Shouto had had the decency to choose his surname as his hero alias rather than his given name, though. he lives in fear that one of these days he’ll be required to call him “Shouto” while on duty. number one hero or not, there’s a good chance he would resign from his internship at the Endeavor Hero Agency before he ever willingly agreed to that.

and last but not least, the number one thing that Katsuki would rather jump in a freezing lake than admit to Shouto or even himself is that he actually cares about him too. and has even mostly forgiven him for wussing out at the last minute during the sports festival. he still doesn’t fully understand why he did it, but he gets that Shouto was Going Through Some Stuff, and okay yeah, he can admit that his family situation is pretty fucked up, so whatever. there’s an uncomfortable feeling he gets whenever he’s reminded of this; sort of a weird, squirmy feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever the subject of Endeavor comes up, or whenever he sees Shouto talking to the man himself. it makes him feel restless and on edge, and he never knows what to say or do afterwards, especially if Shouto goes all quiet and sullen and reflective. he wants to scream at him, or slap him on the back of the head, or grab him by the shoulders and shake him; whatever it takes to snap him out of it and ease the tension. but he knows that’s not the right way to handle it. and more to the point, he knows that he’s not the right person to handle it. and sometimes, if he’s not quick enough to squash the feeling when he senses it coming, he wonders how Shouto would react if he ever found out what Katsuki used to be like back in elementary and middle school. and he wonders whether Shouto would still be so dead-set insistent on calling them friends. and then he does squash out the thought, as viciously as he possibly can.

anyway so that turned weirdly angsty towards the end whoops. not even sure what happened there, since this is supposed to be my cute and funny ship, while BakuDeku greedily hogs all the angst for itself! lol my bad. but don’t worry, they still love each other, and Shouto is still fond and soft and equipped with bullshit-radar, and Katsuki is still rabid and in denial and a dumbass.

[honey-dewey]

How each of the boys deals with beach/ocean shenanigans

Because my life goal is to be a marine biologist and my only place of true peace is the ocean and limiting me to 100 words is fucking cruel. So I just wrote until I felt done. Not 100 words each, obviously, but entertaining nonetheless. 

Permanent Taglist: @phoenixhalliwell @star-wars-hell

Din Djarin: 

Okay so did anyone else see how Din dove in The Heiress? Because that was beautiful. He probably learned to swim late, after he joined the Covert, but once they put him in a pool, he refused to get out. He's an amazing swimmer, even with all that beskar on. 

But we aren’t here to talk about that. We’re here to talk about what happens when you beg him to take you to a water planet because goddammit you’ve been on nothing but dry desert planets or dry ice planets or dry city planets for the longest time now and if you don’t get to put your feet in the water soon, you might kill him. 

He doesn’t understand the appeal. Sure he’s seen the ocean. Woo-hoo it’s a bunch of water. But the way you go peaceful with wonder when you mention it, he’s ready to take a break too. And hey, maybe Grogu can finally see the ocean. So he finds an ocean planet and sets course. And because he’s a stubborn bastard, he won’t tell you where you’re going. 

When you step off the Crest and immediately find nothing but slowly crashing waves and soft shell studded sand (that is black as obsidian because remember, we’re not on earth) you almost cry. Stripping out of your shoes and rolling your pants up to your upper thighs, you wade out into the water, completely ignoring Din’s warning to be careful, he doesn’t know what’s in the water. 

You don’t know how long you stand there, the water licking at your thighs, the soft drag of the waves rolling over and over, the way your feet slowly sink into the blackness of the sand, grounding you to this one spot, this one moment. Eventually, you find that you have a companion. 

Din’s not a wide ocean kind of guy, but for you, he’ll take the armor off (but not the helmet) and come stand beside you, his pants rolled up as well. His are tighter, so the rough edge gets slowly soaked in water, but he doesn’t mind. 

Half an hour of mindless and relaxing standing around in the water later, and you’re ready to explore. Scooping Grogu up and putting him in a baby carrier across your chest, you begin to look for suitable shells to keep aboard the Crest. Again, Din is confused, but doesn’t question it as you walk up and down the same stretch of sand, occasionally bending down and happily pulling a gorgeous shell from the clutches of the water. He wouldn’t be at peace here if he was alone, but you sure as hell would be. Still standing in the water, listening to you babble back and forth with Grogu, the waves occasionally kissing his hands, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he could find peace in your peace. 

Marcus Moreno:

Marcus is not an ocean person, but he’s not not an ocean person, y’know? Sand irritates him, the air smells funny, and it’s usually loud. But he likes the water. If it could be a quiet pool it would be better, but the ocean works too. 

And then he’s put on a boat with you, a still-learning water Heroic (think like. Aquaman), and things change. 

At first, he hates it. A boat that’s tipping constantly may be your thing, considering how much you look like you belong, but it sure as shit ain’t his. You try to teach him some stuff, shouting over the crashing of the waves, but he’s trying too hard not to throw up to really pay attention. 

Then everything settles. The water stops tipping, the boat is still, and you quietly tell him there’s a pod of humpbacks outside. 

He’s terrified when you jump into the water, no oxygen or gear or anything. It’s only when he remembers you can breathe underwater that he stops losing his mind. And when the whales start to breach? Yeah he’s gone. He’s all smiling and laughing when you breach right alongside the whales, and when you get back on board the boat, he’s so incredibly excited. 

So next time, you tell him you’re right above one of the biggest groups of migrating hammerhead sharks ever. He reacts less kindly to that one, even when you dive and tell him it’s perfectly safe. They won’t hurt you. But looking down to see you surrounded by hundreds of great hammerheads, just swimming lazily beside you? Yeah that’s surreal as fuck. 

Max Phillips: 

Ah yes. The resident vampire who hasn’t been to a beach in almost a decade. He can’t go out in the sun, what makes y’all think he’d actually enjoy the beach? Nope, he is not risking his life so he can feel some sand. 

But the beach during the day is completely different from the beach at night, and you are determined to prove it. You blindfold Max, at the expense of many dirty jokes, and drive him to the beach. 

He can smell it before you can, the salt in the air that drifts through the windows and promises all will be right with the world. Then you guys hear it, the soft crash of waves on the shore, the gentle buzz to the air. Finally, you stand Max on the empty beach and remove the blindfold and he can see it. Night darkened waves, the shifting water turning the full moon into a shattered mosaic of light glimmering on the waves. 

For the first time in a long time, he lets himself drown in sensation, in tranquility. It’s been ten long years since he forgot he wasn’t a human being anymore, but with the water licking at his bare feet, he’s completely unaware of his deadness. All he can feel is sand and water and salt and you, holding his hand and looking out with him. 

He’s determined to stay there all night, but you insist on walking, occasionally bending down to grab a shell you see in the darkness. Max is definitely at an advantage here with his night vision, but that’s nothing a flashlight can’t solve. By the time the sun begins to peer over the horizon, you and Max are fast asleep in bed, a small jar of sea shells on your bedside table. 

Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales: 

When I tell you I was excited to write Frankie, oh boy. See, I headcanon him to be like me. Enamored with the ocean since before he can remember. It’s always, always, made him wide eyed with wonder. Aquariums are his safe space, and his favorite animal, above every other living thing on the planet, is sharks. 

He finds peace in knowing they exist, seeing something so powerful be so docile. You’re a marine biologist, and you end up taking him on a caged shark dive. He’s ecstatic, practically vibrating as you take the boat way out where you’re bound to find something good. 

And you do. Everyone else on your team, along with Frankie, is cage diving, but you’re just out there, swimming freely alongside huge Great Whites. They’re so beautiful, and Frankie nearly cries when you coax said shark to the side of the cage so he can run his hand over the shark’s wide belly.

His next dive is a general reef dive, just you and him. Beaches aren’t his thing, there’s too little activity, so you take him out on a reef. He’s smiling the entire time, swimming alongside fish the size of his arm and manta rays with a wingspan bigger than his. But the best part is the reef sharks. Black Tips, no longer than four or five feet. They crowd Frankie and make him laugh as he actually pets their bellies. Suddenly, he’s surrounded by sharks who all want the same thing. Scritches. 

His third dive is open ocean, and you don’t tell him what you’re diving with. He gets in the water, turns around, and immediately starts to cry tears of joy. His favorite shark, his absolute favorite, is swimming lazily behind him. The Whale Shark. It’ll be hell to get him out of the water later, but in that moment, you want nothing more than to see that smile, wide enough to show off his dimple. 

Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels:

Jack Daniels is not an ocean person by any means. He’s an open fields kind of man, where he can look up at the Montana night sky and feel like he’s two inches tall, surrounded by mountains and plains. But his latest mission with you takes him to Hawaii, and he ain’t mad about it. 

The first few days, you spend hours on the beach alone. Jack stays indoors, not able to be persuaded out with you. Finally, he’s forced to go to the beach with you because of the mission, and he complains all morning long. You simply roll your eyes and put on your bathing suit and floppy hat. 

Beach time lasts much longer than anticipated. The target won’t be there for a while, but you wanted to relax before working, so you settle in a beach chair with a nice book and get to reading while Jack grumbles about sand in his shoes. 

BUT, dear reader I would be cruel if I made Jack unhappy, so while he may not be a beach person, he is very much a you person. Once you stand to go shelling, wrapped in that teasing black and white swimsuit and flowy white cover up, he’s by your side with minimal complaints. 

Turns out, Jack Daniels’s whip quick reflexes are good for grabbing shells before they’re stolen by the water. You and him get an impressive collection going, eyeing your target the entire time. By the time you have your intel, Jack’s actually enjoying himself and almost doesn’t want to leave. 

The next morning, he’s red as a tomato from sunburn and vows to never go to the beach again. You laugh, and you and him spend the day indoors, sorting through your shell collection and rubbing aloe on Jack’s red shoulders. (Yeah he’s going shirtless all day. You ain’t mad about it.)

Ezra: 

It’s a headcanon of mine, and I’ve mentioned it before, that Ezra grew up an orphan. He lived in a state house until he was 18, which is when he began to prospect. He’s been all over the galaxy, but never been to a water planet. Long story short, he’s never seen a beach. Or an ocean. Or anything bigger than a small pond. 

After the Green, you decide to spoil him and take him and Cee to an ocean planet for some time off. He has no idea where you’re going, but he’s excited nonetheless. 

The planet is almost 90% water, with vast underground caves and beautiful beaches. You land on one of those beaches and when Ezra steps out of your transport pod, he immediately starts to cry. 

Cee’s seen an ocean before, but it’s been a while, so she immediately rushes past Ezra and jumps into the water. Watching her splash around in the gently crashing waves is like bliss, and it makes you smile. 

But Ezra, oh boy Ezra. He’s transfixed, standing with the water lapping at his ankles and his face slack as he takes in the vastness of it all. Eventually, you convince him into the water. He can’t swim, so you guide him out to a safe depth and hold his hand tight as he floats on his back. He’s so calm, so at ease that it’s almost scary. 

That night, he doesn’t want to go inside. The setting sun makes the ocean orange, and you finally manage to get him in. You pop a window open to allow the salty air into the pod, lulling you to sleep and putting Ezra at ease. 

Shane ‘Dio’ Morrissey: 

Dio will literally never admit he loves the beach. Never. He’s a bad boy! He can’t love anything! 

Except for sea turtles. He really fucking loves sea turtles. He can name all seven species by heart, he’s got a beautiful teal blue bracelet that he wears all the time that has a turtle bead and he got when he ‘adopted’ a green turtle, he has two turtle tattoos, and he’s absolutely a huge turtle geek whenever you take him to the aquarium.

Which is how you learn he’s that in love with turtles. You take him to an aquarium on a date, and he sits in front of the turtle tank for almost an hour. It’s actually kinda cute. 

So you take him to the beach, a beautiful beach with not many people and, according to the locals, is a turtle nesting site. You and Dio mess around for a while, until the night falls and you sit him in the back of your truck. He’s almost mad you won’t let him leave, at least, right up until the turtles come out. 

He’s a kid in a candy store, all lit up and giddy as the turtles come out to lay their eggs. It’s a dream for him, and when one of the locals asks if you two want to say hi to the turtles, he’s up immediately. 

Two months later, you and Dio return to the same beach, eager to help the baby turtles into the water. Yet again, the outer hard boy shell falls away, leaving you with the soft and giggly Dio that you adore. 

From that day on, your phone background is a photo of Dio holding one of the baby turtles, a warm and genuine grin on his face. 

Javier Peña: 

What makes you think Javier has time to go to the beach? He hasn’t been in literal years, ever since he headed to Columbia. 

But, when he’s home? You manage to get him some time off and take him out to the gulf for a few days. It’s crowded, sure, and that sets his anxiety off big time, but he’s in Texas, not Columbia, and you’re by his side the entire time. 

You manage to find a nice spot away from people to relax on, laying in the sand for hours. No stress, no mess, no looming threat of death, no nothing. 

In the evening, once most of the people go away, you and Javier start to walk along the shore, holding your shoes and each other’s hands. Javier picks up a beautiful multicolored shell, all dappled with beiges and whites and hints of purple. It’s gorgeous, and you immediately slip it onto a necklace you were wearing. 

You manage to one up Javier when you find a brown shell. On the surface, it’s not much. But under the setting sun, it’s beautiful, streaked through with lighter browns and shining ambers. You hand it to Javier, and he immediately tells you it’s boring. At which you tell him it reminds you of his eyes, a deceptively simple brown at first, and then a mesmerizing whiskey amber once you study them. 

Yeah, he tears up at that. 

Maxwell Lord: 

Yet another man who is not a beach person. He hates sand so much he’ll forgo the entire beach experience, because as we all know, he a drama queen. However, unlike Jack, Maxwell is loud about his dislike of the beach. 

Finally, he gets dragged out for a business opportunity and has to spend almost four whole days at the beach. You best be ready for the entire month leading up to the trip to be a whole bunch of complaining. The plane ride out is blissfully quiet, and when he sees the beach, he’s no longer completely insufferable. 

However, you quickly learn that while your dear Max is not a beach person, he likes the ocean. He’s all for getting on a boat and spending the day on the water. Which is exactly what you two do. He’s sensitive to the sun, but he’ll sit in it with you if you want. 

Eventually, you convince him to get in the water. You expected him to be a decent swimmer, not great but not horrible. But then he jumps into the ocean with no life vest and you’re freaking the hell out until you watch his form. He’s a damn natural. And he’s so happy it’s almost scary. He’s in the water for almost an hour, and when he comes out, it’s only for a quick snack. 

That night, you two sit on the beach, much to Max’s complaining. But he’s beside you and his hair is still stiff from the saltwater, so he’s happy, despite the whining.

[keichanz]

Move Your Body || pt. 5

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Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5

After rounding the front end of his car, he opened the door for her and found her looking confused as she took his offered hand and let him help her out.

“Where are we?” she asked and he noticed she didn’t pull her hand away from his. He promptly took advantage of it and twined their fingers again.

He shut her car door and locked up before shrugging. “You said you were hungry, right? I could go for some chow myself. This is my favorite little hole in the wall and the owner’s like family. You’ll like it here, I promise.”

As he tugged her forward, Kagome’s eyes brightened and a smile lit her face. “I only said that as an excuse, you know,” she told him but didn’t protest as he ushered her inside a quaint little restaurant named simply Kaede’s.

Inuyasha only offered another shrug as he led her through a dimly lit dining room toward a bar counter with a row of bar stools. Immediately Kagome conceded to his presumptuous words; she did like it. The restaurant was small, cozy, and it smelled absolutely divine.

Kagome was smiling as Inuyasha pulled out a stool for her and helped her up before claiming the one beside her. She didn’t see a menu anywhere and there were no boards on the wall offering different dishes. She was about to ask her half-demon companion about the sort of food served here, but before she could, an elderly woman wearing an apron emerged from where Kagome assumed was the kitchen and instantly the first word that came to Kagome’s mind was warmth.

“Well, how nice of you to finally show up and grace this old woman with your presence,” she said by way of greeting but despite her words her smile was kind and grandmotherly with a hint of teasing. “Shame on you for making me worry, pup.”

Her to never ending surprise, Inuyasha actually smiled at the old woman and offered an apologetic shrug. “Trust me, it’s not by choice. Sesshomaru is trying to kill me with all these damn assignments and jobs he keeps pushing on me and I’ve recently taken on a side project of sorts. What, you think I’d intentionally stay away from the most beautiful, talented, wonderful woman who makes the best damn—”

“Oh, shut up, you, and introduce me to your attractive lady friend,” Kaede interrupted, shaking her head and Kagome had to giggle. She liked this lady.

Chuckling, Inuyasha put a hand on the small of Kagome’s back and did as he was bade. “Kaede, this is Kagome. I’m helping her out with a, uh, school project. Sorta. Kagome, this is Kaede. I’ve known her forever and she’s like a grandmother to me.”

Kaede beamed and shook Kagome’s hand. “I see,” she murmured. “It’s nice to meet you, dear. This pup has never brought a woman here before, you know. How interesting.”

Her kind eyes gleamed mischievously and she ignored Inuyasha’s growled, “Quit it, old woman.”

Blushing at the implication, having no idea how to even respond to that, Kagome nonetheless returned the smile while Inuyasha grumbled beside her.

“Nice to meet you too, Kaede. Um, I love your restaurant. It’s so cozy and personable and please tell me whatever it is I’m smelling is on the menu tonight.”

Laughing in delight, deciding she liked the pup’s choice in company, Kaede nodded happily. “I can definitely arrange that, my dear. What you smell is actually the most popular dish here, and your boy’s favorite. Two orders coming right up.”

Eyes wide and emitting an embarrassed little squeak, Kagome’s face turned five different shades of red as she fervently shook her head. “Oh, n-no, we aren’t—h-he’s not my—”

With a hearty chuckle, Kaede tipped her a wink, gave Inuyasha a knowing smile, and then retreated back to the kitchen while humming a jaunty little tune, innocent as you please.

Inuyasha didn’t buy it for a second and the scowl on his face said as much.  He knew what she was trying to do, knew exactly what she was plotting because she’d tried to do the same goddamn thing with her granddaughter. Thankfully, however, Kikyou had also caught on to what she was trying to do and had put a stop to it fairly quickly.

They’d tried the dating thing and it hadn’t worked out. While he would always love his Peach-Kiks, of course, she had found true love in her husband Suikotsu and Inuyasha was happy for her. Kaede, while over the moon for her granddaughter and having taking in her husband like her own grandson, never let her forget that she was old and wanted to see Kikyou with a family. And unfortunately, that same opinion extended over to him as well, since she saw him as another grandson.

She wanted great grandbabies, goddammit, before she withered away and died, if you please.

Shaking his head, though not without a fond smile, Inuyasha sighed and slanted a look toward Kagome. She was still blushing and looking at the counter, drawing patterns on the smooth wood while avoiding his gaze. Then she peeked over at him from under thick sooty lashes, noticed him staring, and released the most adorable fucking squeak before hastily darting her gaze away again, her blush darkening.

His heart twinged in his chest and he had to fight against the urge to brush her bangs away from her eyes to draw her gaze back to him. Fuck, but she was cute.

“Sorry about that,” he finally murmured and gave a helpless shrug. “She likes to meddle.”

He grinned, hoping to ease her discomfort a little and was gratified to see that it worked, Kagome’s shoulders losing some of their tension as she slowly relaxed. Though her face was still tinted pink, she offered him a shy smile and nodded, accepting his explanation.

“I like her,” she admitted after a minute, her smile widening a little as she dropped her gaze, but this time out of thoughtfulness and not embarrassment. “She reminds me of my grandpa. He likes to meddle, too, and would always scare away any boy that came sniffing around when I was a teen.”

She laughed softly and he relished in the sound, ears straining to hear more of it.

“Yeah?” he queried, genuinely curious as he propped an elbow on the counter and rested his head in his hand. “Where’s your family now?”

With a truly brilliant smile and bright eyes that enchanted him better than any spell ever could, Kagome happily told him all about her family back in Japan. She gushed about her closeness with her mom, her younger brother and his annoying penchant for pranking her, and her stubborn old grandfather who was as protective of her as any father could ever be.

Kagome was regaling him with fond stories she remembered when her father had still been alive when Kaede appeared with their orders, setting two steaming bowls of ramen before them followed by a beer for Inuyasha and a strawberry lemonade for Kagome. Then with a friendly smile toward the younger woman and a knowing wink toward her favorite customer, Kaede whisked away back into the kitchen to start cleaning up, her heart feeling light from the fact that her dear boy had finally found someone for him.

During their meal, Kagome persuaded Inuyasha to share a bit of his own history with her, and so the half-demon ended up telling her about his less than stellar relationship with Sesshomaru. Though they were much better off now than when they were younger – Kagome had been shocked to learn they’d outright hated each other at one point – they still argued and brawled at times, but it was never serious and more out of habit than anything. Inuyasha assured her they’d both matured greatly, and while they would never have a sibling relationship with zero hostility, Inuyasha was more or less happy with that they had and accepted they would never be close brothers.

It was easy to tell Kagome was upset for his benefit that his relationship with his half-brother wasn’t at all like the one she shared with her own. So, he did his best to distract her with questions about her own family, truly touched that she was upset to begin with. Thankfully it worked and soon she was all smiles again, laughing as she told him about the time she’d caught Souta with his first time girlfriend making out on the living room couch.

Soon enough, Inuyasha was paying the bill and unsurprisingly Kaede was refusing to accept his money, saying it was on the house and simply making shooing motions when he kept urging her to take it. He gave up after she threatened to have his next ten meals on the house as well. Despite his grumblings, he was patient as Kagome called back her farewells to the old shop owner waving from the counter with a big smile and wishing them a good night, calling his own fond adieu before ushering her out the door with a hand at her back. He was glad the two women got along so well and it gave him high hopes she’d act similarly with the younger Hidaka woman.

Tucking Kagome into the safety of his car, Inuyasha was quick to hop in beside her and merge back into traffic before anyone recognized him. He was grateful Kaede’s had been more or less empty and the few people who had been there were too absorbed in their meal and company to notice him.

Glancing at the clock on the dash, Inuyasha chewed his lip and thought there was still enough time to head to Jak’s. He’d be a half an hour late, but knew the designer wouldn’t mind, understanding that his schedule was fairly unpredictable and could change at any given time. He was probably caught up in one of his many orders anyway and wasn’t keeping track of the time as he often did.

Mind made up, Inuyasha flicked his signal on and eased over into the turning lane that merged onto the highway. Jak’s Boutique was a little further into the city, but it was an easy drive and thankfully they’d missed rush hour. Perhaps he should have asked Kagome first before taking her with him, but glancing over at her now, the way she relaxed into the plush seat and graced him with a trusting smile suggested that she didn’t mind.

“Alright,” Kagome said when his eyes met hers, smile still in place. “Now where are you taking me? I don’t suppose now would be a good time to scream out the window, ‘Help, I’m being kidnapped’ before opening the door and attempting a daring escape.”

Inuyasha was silent as he side-eyed her for a minute, the corner of his mouth flickering with the hint of a grin. Then a second later the unmistakable sound of the door locks shifting into place echoed in the cab.

Kagome promptly erupted into giggles and Inuyasha allowed a crooked smile to surface on his face.

As Kagome’s giggles finally died down, Inuyasha chuckled and finally admitted, “Just a quick errand, I promise. I hope you don’t mind.” She shook her head, confirming his suspicions, and he tacked on, “And besides, it’s basically for you anyway.”

Kagome blinked. “What? What do you mean it’s for me?”

He simply grinned and Kagome narrowed her eyes at him.

“Inuyasha...” she warned and when still all he did was shake his head, Kagome pouted and crossed her arms, however the twitching of her mouth belied her mock glare.

Chuckling, Inuyasha reached over to catch her hand and bring it to his mouth, pressing a brief kiss to her knuckles.

“You’ll see,��� he promised her, noticing the way her cheeks flamed with color, but deigning not to comment as he kept his eyes on the road, an easy smile on his face.

Kagome huffed and mumbled something, wrinkling her nose as she stared out the window, before finally sighing and letting a smile curl her lips upward.

She didn’t pull her hand away and neither did he.

Approximately sixteen minutes later Inuyasha turned onto a quiet residential street just on the fringes of the city and cruised about a quarter of the way down before turning into a narrow driveway to a quaint blue ranch style house. Kagome was surprised when he kept going, but then it made sense when another building came into view behind the house, smaller and painted in the same color with a red neon sign in the window that read Jak’s Boutique.

Inuyasha parked in front of the small shop and cut the engine, gesturing for Kagome to exit before doing so himself. Puzzled but curious, Kagome followed suit and met him at the front of the car. He took her hand, tipped her a reassuring grin, and led her inside the shop.

“Jakotsu,” Inuyasha called out and let the door swing gently shut behind them.

“Sha?” a slightly muffled feminine voice answered from somewhere in the back of the shop.

“Yeah. Sorry I’m late. Lost track of time.”

“You’re always late,” the voice called out and ignoring Inuyasha’s half-hearted “I am not,” it continued, “Be out in a sec, darling, I’m almost finished with this order. Zippers are always a bitch to attach.”

The producer chuckled. “Take your time.”

Tossing him a bemused smile, to which Inuyasha returned with raised eyebrows and a shrug, Kagome rolled her eyes and took the opportunity to look around. It was obvious they were standing in some kind of clothing store, or perhaps even a tailor’s considering the amount of dresses and suits Kagome spotted. Behind the counter to the left were two rows of bagged garments waiting to be picked up, and the far wall consisted of an assortment of gorgeous looking evening gowns, tuxedos, and other formal wear.

Clothing racks, the kind you would see in a department store, dotted the floor and to the right the wall held bolts of fabric that seemed to be in every color, pattern, and texture imaginable. On the long table before it, sewing materials littered the surface; scissors, a sewing machine, scraps of fabric, thread, needles, and other items one would find in an average sewing kit.

“Inuyasha?” Kagome ventured, truly lost on the reason of them being here. “Why are we in a tailor’s shop?”

He tilted his head and glanced down at her, arching a brow with a slight grin. “I know you’re smarter than that, babydoll,” he teased her, squeezing her hand. “C’mon. Think about it. I find that jeans and t-shirts don’t really pair well with heels.”

Kagome stared at him for a second more before realization dawned and her eyes widened, her mouth dropping open with an incredulous gasp. “You conniving little prick, that’s why Sango asked for my measurements last week!”

Laughing outright as Kagome whacked him in the arm for going behind her back, Inuyasha caught her hand. He dragged her in front of him, wrapping his arms around her waist instead and resting his chin on her head.

“Damn, you’re violent,” he told her fondly, tightening his arms when she attempted to squirm her way free.

“Lemme go.”

“No. You’ll hit me again.”

“No I won’t.”

“Liar.”

“I would never.”

He snorted.

“Why are you buying me clothes, Inuyasha? You’re already doing so much for me, I don’t expect you too—”

“I know, babydoll,” Inuyasha interrupted her and leaned down so he could catch her gaze. “I want to, alright? I told you I was gonna help you, that means I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get your success, and success includes providing an outfit that I doubt you’ll find anywhere in your wardrobe. We want sexy confidence, remember, not prude librarian.”

Kagome flushed and stuck her tongue out at him.

He screwed his face up and crossed his eyes at her.

She snorted a laugh and slapped a hand over her mouth to smother the embarrassing sound just as an amused voice drawled out, “I have a room in the back that’s free, if you two would like to utilize it...?”

Inuyasha’s ears perked up and he looked hopeful. “Really? Oomph.”

Painted lips twitched and the shop owner couldn’t quite hold back the smile as he said, “If you’ll come with me, honey, I can get you fitted into your new clothes and see if it needs any alterations.”

“Violent,” Inuyasha repeated and rubbed his stomach where she elbowed him, watching as Kagome lifted her nose and strode away. He didn’t miss the pleased smile curling her lips, however, and he shook his head with a sigh, feeling the beginnings of his own grin tugging his mouth upward.

Sending him a look that clearly stated he would be dishing out the juicy details later, Jakotsu ushered Kagome to the back where the dressing rooms were, telling her to disrobe while he fetched her new outfit.

Rolling his eyes, Inuyasha grunted his assent and fished out his cell, figuring he’d pass the time scrolling social media while he waited. He kept his eyes on the screen, however his ears were trained toward the back, easily picking up Kagome’s shocked gasp when she finally got a good look at what she was wearing and Jak’s husky chuckle. He grinned, easily imaging how red her face was right about now.

It was a hell of a leather number, but it wasn’t anything too racy or indecent. He’d had Kagome in mind as he described what he wanted to the designer, and he was also positive Jakotsu was able to come up with something that suited his pretty dancer perfectly. His long time friend had been in the fashion industry for nearly twenty years now and his services were wildly coveted. Of course those services also weren’t free; Jak wasn’t afraid to charge what he thought was a fair price for his time and labor and his prices, while by no means cheap, were definitely fair. Jakotsu was talented as hell, he was fast, and the results were nothing short of stunning, and because of that he was pretty much booked twenty-four seven.

But because of his longtime friendship with the designer, Inuyasha was able to sneak in an order of his own. As always, Jak rose up to the task, always willing to help, and the producer was forever grateful to him. He always made sure to leave a generous tip for the designer, and although Jak never commented on it, Inuyasha suspected the gesture was very appreciated.

Inuyasha was just about to browse Kagome’s timeline on Facebook for the hell of it when he finally spotted the next notification at the top of the screen. Already suspecting who it might be, he brought up his messages with a flick of his finger.

you rang, my secret sex slave?

He snorted but grinned at the text, replying back.

vegas. this weekend. demo. yay or nay

Inuyasha hit send and idly tapped a claw against the screen as he waited for her reply. While her jackass husband was a different story altogether, he absolutely adored Kagura. She was like the favorite wine aunt that everybody knew and loved, only better because she was his sister-in-law and not his aunt. They got along famously because they had the same twisted sense of humor and it always made family gatherings so much more bearable.

Well, bearable for them. He was pretty sure for the rest of their family it was nothing short of obnoxious.

His phone buzzed and he wasn’t at all surprised to read her response, a puff of laughter escaping him.

FUCK YEAH BRO LETS LIGHT THIS BITCH UP, HOLLA see you soon, sexy 💋

Grinning, Inuyasha hurriedly sent her one last thing before ending the convo, bringing up the emojis and selecting the bikini, wine, and money emojis.

It was only seconds later he received a reply and he stood there snickering for a solid thirty seconds.

🖕🖕🖕

“Love you too, sis,” he chuckled under his breath, shaking his head.

Not so subtle throat clearing had him pocketing his phone and lifting his head. “How does it fit—...uh...”

Just a few feet away from him, standing not in the leather corset and skirt he’d commissioned, Kagome’s slim figure was wrapped up in a deep red lace number that stole the very breath from his lungs and caused all coherent thought to flee his brain. The sleeves were wide and off the shoulder with a neckline that plunged just enough to show a teasing amount of cleavage. The skirt flowed and swayed around her legs at mid-calf and it looked to be asymmetrical, the back being slightly longer than the front. The waist was empire with black laces on either side and holy fuck did she look absolutely breathtaking in it.

Inuyasha didn’t know why she was wearing it and didn’t even care as he gawked at her, amber eyes greedily taking in the vision before him. In doing so he completely missed the dark flush on her face accompanied by the pleased but shy smile at his encouraging reaction.

“Ah,” Kagome said, biting down on her lip when burnished amber flew up to meet starling blue. Her smile widened a bit and she fidgeted, shifting her weight in the borrowed heels on her feet.

“Do I...look okay?” she timidly ventured, twisting her hands nervously in front of her. “Um, J-Jakotsu said I can have it...I guess the sale fell through or something?”

When all Inuyasha continued to do was stare, Kagome’s blush deepened and she ducked her head, wondering if perhaps she’d made a mistake in letting the designer talk her into trying it on.

“I’m sorry, I...guess I should have asked—”

“You’re beautiful,” Inuyasha blurted when he finally found his voice again. It was rough and he cleared his throat, sucking in a breath as he stared directly into her eyes, easily detecting the cautious hope in the churning blue waves of her gaze.

“R-really?” she asked a little breathlessly but then it faded just as quickly and she sighed quietly, staring down at the toes of her borrowed pumps. “But you’re probably just saying that, right? I shouldn’t have—”

“No,” Inuyasha was quick to cut her off, vehemently shaking his head. Kagome lifted her head to meet his gaze again and he let out a heavy breath, his eyes lowered to half-mast. Deliberately he swept his gaze down her figure, taking in every last minute detail before slowly raking his eyes back up to meet her own once more.

“I mean it, Kagome,” he rumbled. “You look...amazing. You’re amazing.”

She must have seen the sincerity in his eyes, heard it in his voice because she finally relaxed and beamed at him, giving a short little spin for him as a light, delighted laugh floated to his ears.

Aaaaand there goes his breath again. Fuck.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Inuyasha managed to tear his gaze away from her long enough to glance at the very smug looking designer standing behind her with his arms crossed.

“How much?” he asked because fuck it if he was leaving without that lace masterpiece.

Jakotsu smirked. “For you, darling, free of charge.”

At the producer’s frown, he shrugged and turned his gaze back to the young woman, his face softening into a fond smile. “Really. Call it a gift. The woman who commissioned it wasn’t able to pay up, and so it’s just been sitting on a mannequin in the back room, collecting dust. Honeybee here fell in love with it when she first spotted it.”

A guilty flush colored Kagome’s cheeks and she shrugged helplessly.

“It’s just dumb luck, don’t you think,” Jak said, sounding way too casual, “that it just so happens to be exactly her size?”

With that, the fashion designer tipped the half-demon a wink and strolled back from whence he came, beckoning his “Honeybee” with a crook of his finger. “This way, honey, and I’ll bag that up for you as well.”

With a radiant smile and one last glance toward him, Kagome nodded and followed after him, her borrowed heels clicking against the hardwood.

Once they were both out of sight, Inuyasha groaned and blindly reached out, catching himself on the counter to his left as he slumped against it with a hand over his heart. He dragged his free hand down his face and then thrust his fingers through his hair, closing his eyes and trying to grow some goddamn balls, for fuck’s sake.

Inuyasha was more or less composed when Jak returned a few minutes later with a knowing smirk on his face, both outfits bagged and draped over his arm. The half-demon leveled him with a look that quelled any smartass comments the designer had brewing. Clicking his tongue, Jak nonetheless remained quiet as he went behind the counter and rang him up for the leather outfit that was the purpose for this visit.

“How’d you do it?” Inuyasha murmured, fishing out his wallet and handing over his credit card.

“Do what?” his friend asked, his tone light, innocent. Inuyasha didn’t buy it for a minute.

“Don’t give me that,” he growled, scowling but it lacked any vehemence. “I can see why she’d fall in love with the dress, but how’d you talk her into coming out here and showing me? Kagome’s shy as hell. I’m surprised she hasn’t said anything about the leather yet.”

Jakotsu clicked his tongue and inserted the chip end of the card into the card reader. “I didn’t.”

Inuyasha frowned. “What?”

The tailor paused and dark eyes flitted up to meet his own. A delicate brow arched up into carefully styled bangs and the corners of his lips hinted at a smile.

“I didn’t talk her into it. She wanted to show you herself.”

It was just closing in on 9 pm when Inuyasha pulled into the parking lot of Kagome’s apartment building and he was relieved to discover that it was one of the newer buildings with updated security. However, paranoid asshole that he was, he was still going to worry about her after he left no matter how new and fancy the alarm systems were. It was always dangerous for a young woman to be living alone, but he supposed short of staying here all night to watch over her, there wasn’t much Inuyasha could do so he dealt with it was best as he could and forced it from his mind.

Cutting the engine, he hopped out and rushed over to the passenger side. Before Kagome could protest, he reached in and stole both garment bags from her. She tossed him a grateful smile and threw her messenger bag over her shoulder before stepping out, allowing Inuyasha to shut the door for her as she dug around in her bag for her keys.

Neither spoke as Kagome led him up the staircase to the second floor and about halfway down the walkway before stopping in front of apartment 23D. Discreetly Inuyasha took in the scents as Kagome went about unlocking the door, gratified when he detected nothing that raised any red flags. He didn’t hear anything suspicious, saw nothing out of the ordinary, and finally conceded to himself it wasn’t a bad place to live.

“Um, would you mind bringing them in, please?” Kagome asked him, looking hopefully over her shoulder. At his nod, she smiled and unlocked the door, swinging it open.

“You can put them on the couch,” she told him as she stepped aside to let him pass, shutting the door behind him and flicking a light on. “I’ll take care of them later.”

Inuyasha grunted his acknowledgement and did as he was bade, stepping into the living room and carefully draping the bags over the back of the couch before stuffing his hands in his pockets and taking a look around. It was your standard apartment, nothing fancy; smallish kitchen to the left when you walked in, living room to the right, and a short hallway straight ahead where he assumed the bathroom and bedroom were.

It was tidy, smelled like her, and Inuyasha decided he liked it. “Nice place,” he commented, turning his gaze to her as she set her bag on the bar counter that separated the two rooms.

Kagome smiled and kicked off her shoes. “It’s not bad,” she conceded with a shrug and she wandered over to him. “It’s affordable and suits my purposes just fine.”

Inuyasha grinned. “I suppose it does,” he murmured and reached out to flick the bill of his hat she’d stolen from him. Whatever. Looked better on her, anyhow.

She giggled and took it off so she could hand it back, but then Inuyasha shook his head and pulled it back down onto her own again. She blinked in surprise, gazing up at him from under the bill of his cap.

“Nah,” he rumbled and gave it a playful tug. “Looks better on you, anyway.”

Kagome’s eyes widened slightly as a blush stole across her cheeks. It was impossible to mistake the delight that flitted across her face and curled her lips upward into a soft smile.

“Good,” she said and her smile turned teasing as she reached up to set the cap more comfortably on her head. “Because I didn’t wanna give it back. I like this hat.”

Inuyasha snorted. “Cheeky brat,” he said and darted his hands out to try and tickle her, but she danced away with a mischievous giggle.  He grinned and released a fond chuckle, shaking his head.

Confident he wasn’t going to try and tickle her again, Kagome edged closer and graced him with a brilliant smile. He was momentarily struck stupid and all he could do was stare and wonder how the fuck someone could be so damned beautiful and not know it.

“Thank you for today,” she said softly, the sincerity in her eyes and voice clear as day. Her blush was completely endearing as she continued, “You know, for...everything. Dinner, the clothes...um, K-Kouga.”

She ducked her head and her scent soured slightly as she recalled previous events. Inuyasha felt his mood momentarily darken as he also remembered that wolf creep who bothered her today.

He hoped to god the idiot had enough brains to stay away from her after boldly claiming that she was his, but he also wouldn’t put it past the shit for brains to try something again. Inuyasha could sense that he was the kind that couldn’t take a hint. Though he was glad she was going to be cautious by walking with her friends to and from class, he still didn’t like the thought of her being on the same campus as the fleabag. Especially when he was going to be about three hundred miles away and able to do absolutely fucking jack shit about it, and didn’t that darken his mood even more.

Biting back a growl, Inuyasha closed the scant distance between them and brushed his fingers across her cheek, prompting her to lift her head with a quiet gasp.

“You’re welcome,” he rumbled. “I wish like hell I could stick around to protect you ‘cause I know I’m gonna do nothing but worry while I’m away.”

Kagome blinked and her brow furrowed. “Are you going somewhere?”

Inuyasha sighed and grimaced before supplying, “I have a demo in Las Vegas this weekend that I can’t miss. My flight leaves early tomorrow morning and I won’t be back until Sunday night.”

He watched in dismay as Kagome’s face dropped in disappointment, though she tried to mask it with an understanding smile.

“Oh,” she whispered and well, hell. “That’s okay. I have clinical anyway, so...” She shrugged and looked away.

Yeah...no.

“C’mere,” he mumbled and tugged her against him, wrapping her up in his arms and briefly taking his hat off her head so he could bury his nose in her hair. Apparently giving up her front, Kagome’s arms slipped around his waist and he dropped a kiss to the top of her head. He felt guilty, which was ridiculous; he’d had this trip scheduled for over a month and he knew it was approaching.

Thing was, though, he felt like he was leaving Kagome behind and he absolutely hated it.

“Gonna miss me that much, huh?” he teased and felt her smile against his chest as she muttered for him to shut up. “I’d come back Saturday after it’s over if I could, but I have to attend a meeting Sunday morning and go over a bunch of boring shit that’ll probably put me to sleep.”

He was rewarded by her soft giggle. Gratified, Inuyasha pulled away and racked his fingers through her hair, quirking a grin. She returned it with a small but genuine smile

“Text me whenever you want,” he urged, sifting his fingers through her bangs and pushing them away from her eyes. “And on those really lonely nights, you can send a pic—”

“Ohmigod, shut up,” Kagome muttered and swatted his stomach, flushing darkly as he snickered and grinned unrepentantly.  She rolled her eyes and tried to cross her arms but he snagged he around the waist again and brought her in for another hug.

“Fine, no pictures,” he chuckled and felt more than heard her huff. A second later her arms slipped back around his waist and he grinned in triumph. “Try not to miss me too much, babydoll. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Kagome smiled and sighed. “Back atcha.” She inhaled, taking in his scent of his favorite cologne and something earthier, attempting to ingrain it into her brain.

No promises, he thought and almost said it out loud before he caught himself. Selfishly holding her for just a minute longer, taking in her intoxicating scent and committing it to memory, Inuyasha sighed and finally pulled away. Fuck, but he was pathetic. It’s not like he was leaving for a fucking month. It was three goddamn days, for fuck’s sake!

Clearing his throat, he tugged his hat back down onto her head and flicked the bill, staring into twin pools of endless blue.

“Stay safe, babydoll. You call me if you need anything, alright? I’ll do what I can. The studio’s open for you whenever. Sango has a spare key and I’ll tell her you’re free to use it before I leave.”

Kagome actually rolled her eyes at him and tipped him a grin. “I’ll be fine, Inuyasha. I’m a big girl. I’ve been taking care of myself long before you came along, remember.” She winked and poked his chest. “I’m sure I can manage three days without my loyal guard dog.”

The look he shot her suggested her comment was not appreciated and her giggle told him she well knew that.

“Smartass,” he muttered and was just about to turn around to leave, feeling oddly bereft, when a small hand tugging on his arm gave him pause and he glanced curiously down at her.

Kagome blushed and before he could ask if she was okay, she surged up and pressed her lips to his cheek. The urge to turn his head and claim her lips with his own came out of nowhere and he sucked in a sharp breath as his heart kick started in his chest.

“Safe travels,” Kagome whispered, leaning back down and offering him a timid smile. “Text me when you land? So I know you got there safely?”

Expression softening, Inuyasha couldn’t resist bringing her back in for one last hug and she went willingly, tucking herself against him with a sigh.

“Will do, babydoll,” he rumbled and kissed her forehead. “Stay safe. See you Monday?”

Kagome nodded. With one last grin aimed her way, Inuyasha turned and exited the apartment, closing the door and waiting until he heard the snick of the lock and the deadbolt sliding home before walking away. Strangely, as he descended the stairs and fought against the urge to look back, he couldn’t help but feel that he’d just left his heart back in that apartment.

i plan on compiling all of the text screenshots i created for this story into one post after the last chapter is posted. just for the fuck of it because i had a lot of fun making them haha.

[sir-silly]

TWDG S4 First Playthrough

E1 - Ohh how I’ve missed these characters. S4 isn’t flawless, but I love it so freaking much. The collectables are one of my favorite parts, tbh. I’m such a simp for Louis and that’s never gonna change, ngl. He’s so cute and caring and ugh. I need me one of those. Clem is so damn lucky.

Unsurprisingly, I’m the worst at controlling this season in particular. I’m not used to the mouse sensitivity being so high with the camera when you’re walking around but I can’t change it because then it’ll be different when I’m picking choices and stuff. I freaking suck at all of the kill walker scenes, I seriously died like 5 times clearing them out to help the hunting party. I’m concerned about when I have to help James at his camp lol.

The confrontation with Marlon at the end is so damn good. I just always find it so perfect and well done. Also, Louis helping AJ up when he gets pushed down is so fucking sweet. I love him so much. Appealing to him really hit hard and seeing that “Your relationship with Louis has changed” is just oof. I know what CJ has been talking about all this time now lol.

E2 - All of the cuts when Clem and AJ are talking at the beginning are freaking gorgeous. Like, with them standing in the same exact position with the background flashing are just MMMMM. That was really, really well done.

Fuck Lilly. Fuck her trying to help Clementine stand up. She makes me so damn angry. And Abel twisting AJ’s arm and Clem begging for him to stop just breaks my heart. It makes me wonder how much of these interactions Violet and Louis saw, because they would have known to turn around the second they heart that first gunshot. Like, while they were sneaking up, what all did they hear? I told Vi to shoot Lilly because, once again, fuck her.

I’m still so damn bad at the walker killing scenes. It’s honestly sad how terrible I am at them, like, I don’t know why I struggle so much. I think a part of it is that in previous seasons, it would only be like 2 or 3 walkers, meanwhile in S4, it’s like 5 or 6. It’s also probably the fact that we have to control both the camera and Clem’s movements. I just can’t do both.

James is cute. I love him. He’s a sweet boi. Louis carrying AJ in is cute. I love him. He’s a sweet boi. When they get upstairs and AJ calls for Clem, he just sounds so scared and it hurts me. He’s still just a little kid and I couldn’t imagine my cousins that are his age going through these kinds of things.

The banter between Clem, Ruby and Mitch at the greenhouse is so cute and wholesome. Like, Ruby saying that condensation is a big word for Mitch and him daring Clementine to drink whatever is in the vials with her saying “not in a million years.” It’s just so sweet and so similar to modern jokes between friends, it just makes me so happy.

Also, Mitch is one strong boi. Like, Clem is strong, don’t get me wrong. She fuckin chops down trees and pushes adults off of balconies, but she couldn’t get that damn propane tank to budge, meanwhile Mitch comes over and picks it up with one hand. It reminds me of Peeta in The Hunger Games with how he could throw bags of flour over his shoulders super easily.

Another also, the way Mitch says propane annoys me lol. He puts the emphasis on the O instead of the A, so it’s prOpane instead of propAne. It’s just always bothered me and I had to complain about it lmao. Ruby is cute. I love her. She’s a sweet gorl.

AJ asking to sleep in Clem’s bed, her saying she’s still little, and him saying he slept better with her are just so damn cute. I freaking love their relationship so damn much. They’re just so sweet together and I can’t help but gush over them.

Louis talking about Marlon while shooting arrows is just a great scene to me, no matter how short it is. I don’t understand how people can still hate him so much when he explains how close they were and how guilty he feels, not just about kicking Clem and AJ out, but his role in Marlon’s death.

In the previous seasons, I think players became really desensitized to a character losing someone. 1 was honestly pretty good with Kenny’s loss of Duck and Katjaa with his anger and hyperfixations, 2 was a mess with Luke losing literally everyone he knows and being like “meh”, and 3 was also really bad with how Mari, Gabe and David can all die and three days later, Kate’ll still be like “let’s start a family uwu.” I think because of all this, people were really hard on Louis when he reacted like a normal human being over Marlon, which really sucks.

During the card game, when Louis reassures AJ about not being there for the old world and he and Clem kinda nod at her, is so ffffucking cute. I’ll never get over that. They shared a similar look their first night when he gave AJ the rest of his soup even though he was clearly super hungry. I cherish these looks between them and for once, it almost seems unbalanced with Violet lol. Like, I don’t feel like you get those looks with Violet no matter what you choose like you do with Louis those first two episodes. And Louis teasing Aasim about Ruby is really adorable.

And of course, helping him tune the piano is just UGH. He’s so damn cute and I can’t get over it. The scene has some of my favorite interactions between him and Clem. One, where he’s like “How do you feel about our imminent deaths?” and she doesn’t say anything and he says, “You know I’m here for you.” and it’s so CUTE. Two, he has her blow on the strings, she says “I can’t believe I fell for that.” while laughing and he goes, “It’s good to see you like this.” Like, how damn sweet is this boy? He sees that she puts on just as much of a cold exterior as he does with a humorous one, realizing that they both let their guards down around each other. Three, Clem calling Louis a weirdo and him saying that she likes that so in reality, they’re both weird.

Another thing I’ll never get over is Mitch’s death. It makes me hella salty and just grrrr. LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY!!!!

E3 - Willy crying over Mitch’s body is oof. Louis holding Clem’s hand is oof. I wish there was a third option during Abel’s interrogation where you could tell AJ that you don’t want him to watch rather than saying he doesn’t have to.

Again, unsurprisingly, I sucked at James’ camp with the walkers. I had to kill some of them because I literally couldn’t stay alive, so that made me angry. I also missed some of the collectables at James’ barn which also made me mad. AJ and Clem’s interactions with the salt lick are super cute. Talking to James about walkers is much more of an oof when you actually let Lee turn.

So, here’s my thing about the scene in the barn with the walkers and the chimes. No, I don’t think there’s anything more inside of walkers and I agree completely with the dialogue choice that it sounds like hell if that’s true. So James is saying they’re at peace when you go in and touch the times, but that isn’t accurate. They walk up to the chimes because it’s noise. You can’t hear them growling and moaning because the audio switches to music to try and make it more meaningful. James then proceeds to say that when walkers are alone, they’re innocent and harmless which is so inaccurate it hurts. What about Sandra in Clem’s house almost killing Lee? What about the walker that bit Duck? What about the one that bit Lee? Or the one in the shed while Clem stitched her arm? The one that dragged Luke to the bottom of the lake? It’s bullshit.

Louis’ date with Clem makes me hella salty only because he doesn’t get to give her anything like Vi gives her a pin. That’s also bullshit. He’s fucking cute though with being unable to light the matches and saying, “Have you met you?” and shit. Ngl, the first time he said he saw some magazines in the headmaster’s office, I was like LOUIS NO, but they were just about dating so it’s ok lmao. AJ and Clem with the ball and the “I love you” are so fucking adorable.

The hootenanny is cute. Ruby is cute. Louis saying “a woman after my heart” is cute. Him saying leprechauns are too hard to explain to AJ is cute. It’s all cute. Clem tells Ruby that purple was her dad’s favorite color, but it also was her favorite color in S1. If you stand around her and Katjaa for long enough, she’ll tell her that it’s her favorite. So, it’s apparently changed, and it makes me wonder what it is now.

I don’t believe Willy’s reason for getting sent to Ericson. I think that the real reason he was sent was really upsetting, so he never told anyone why he was actually sent there. So, when he learned about masturbation, he thought it was funny and used that excuse instead to make it funny.

I know that the shit with Louis’ parents really hurt him, but I always laugh so hard over the meme that’s like, “violet: my grandma killed herself in front of me 😔. louis: my parents got me the wrong gucci flipflops 😭😭😭.” It’s really tempting to say the dialogue option “worst party ever” but I never do lol.

The dream sequence with Lee always gets to me. Specifically, when we hear “Hey, sweetpea” and Clem looks up in shock, when she runs to hug him, when he’s like “Just look at you,” and when he leaves saying, “It’s time to go. There’s people that need you.” And goddammit, wHERE IS MY OPTION TO TELL HIM THAT I LOVE HIM??!?!?!!! I DON’T JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I MISS HIM!!!!!! I WANT IT ALL!!!!

I’m not even going to get into all of my problems with Violet’s scene in the cell because it makes me too salty and mad. There were some issues with Louis’, too, but not nearly as many. Just grrrrr.

I suck at the fighting sequences as well lol. Like, I got Clem punched so many times lmao. Also, where is my option to be like, “Hey AJ give me the gun” so Clem kills Lilly. Because I want her dead and I want James alive, but I don’t want him to be the one pulling that trigger again. Angery. Where are my choices, choice based game?

E4 - AJ’s talking for the previously on TWD gives me chills when he’s like, “But I remember all the rules. And the first one...is never go alone.” So good. If you can give me chills with just audio and screencaps, you did a good job. Y’all, everyone’s gotta be so damn sore after that explosion. Like, they running around a limber and shit but nah, everything’s going to hurt. And Clem’s climbing all over all this metal with fire literally right next to it, that shit would be so damn hot you’d burn your hands.

Fuck Lilly and her trying to make you feel bad as she’s getting away on the raft. Fuck the fact that you can’t shoot her afterwards. I make the choice three damn times to shoot her, and you still don’t let me have my choice. Bullshit. I hope she eats shit and dies.

Louis and Clem hugging on land is so cute. Violet getting blinded is dumb. It’s like they had to even the levels since Louis got his tongue cut out, which is just stupid. If they wanted to have them both hurt, they should have just set that they pulled out her eye or something instead of her getting blinded after the fact. I find it really dumb. I can’t even tell you how many times I died on the damn beach trying to get through the walkers. It shouldn’t be this hard to control your game.

As much as I hate James’ character flip in the cave, I do love that scene and I prefer it over the one without him. AJ really does have a lot of problems and if I didn’t know that not trusting him would kill Louis, I would have picked that. But I love Louis too damn much for that. He’s still so young and none of these are choices that he should have to make. And the fact that he chose to shoot Tenn in the neck adds to that. He doesn’t know to aim for a non-kill shot to stop someone like Clementine does, so his first real friend ended up dead. And his perspective on things after the game is still messed up, which you can tell by the “What Clem taught me” segment at the end.

The reunion with Louis is adorable. Him saying “longest damn minute of my life” is adorable. Him talking about his skylight and the house they’re going to build is adorable. I love all of it. I always have a hard time with the final touch, because I love that he wants a new piano, the nostalgia of a treehouse, and the dialogue “Thanks dad” for the skylight lol. Tenn’s face when Louis tells him he can help with painting is so fucking cute.

Minnie coming up to the bridge is so well done. It’s so ominous (I think the French version is the creepiest) and the look Louis and Clem share is just like “wtf, do you hear that too?” I died a million times during their fight scene as well because I can’t play this game for shit. I don’t know why, but I find Louis jumping the gap really attractive lol. Like, our boi woulda killed it in long jump lmao.

Y’all got an axe. You shoulda broke the damn lock off that gate. Smh.

As always, the whole process of Clem getting bit and her talking with AJ in the barn is heartbreaking. It gets to me every damn time, just like her and Lee’s does. It’s honestly hard for me to decide which one is sadder because while Clementine raised AJ his whole life, Lee became her family so quick and was cut so short. I prefer the choice of killing Clem just because you get more dialogue between her and AJ before he cuts her leg off, but I didn’t have it in me to tell him that, so I told him to leave her.

I have mixed feelings about the placement of the flashback to McCarroll Ranch. Part of me thinks it belongs in a different episode, but another likes it where it is. It just doesn’t seem to fit well where it was placed.

Much like 9 year old Clem being able to drag an unconscious Lee into the jewelry store, it would be impossible for 5 year old AJ to get her thicc ass into that wheelbarrow and push her to the school. I enjoy the headcanon that James arrived not too long after the amputation and helped get her back, but decided to stay in the woods because he didn’t want anyone to see him.

I missed another collectable in the damn shed which I’m salty as hell about. I love the reuse of Take Us Back, as many of us do. I just had to bring it up because it makes me emotional. Clem pushing AJ on the swing is adorable. The dinner scene is adorable. Violet’s voice is adorable. Louis kissing Clem on the cheek is adorable. It’s all adorable.

When Clem asks if she did a good job, I will always and forever pick the “Is she crazy?!” option because everything she did was incredible. She never had to take care of AJ. She wasn’t stuck with him. She could have left him behind so many times, but she never did. And like Javier said, not everyone is like her, not everyone wants to take care of a baby. And she fought like hell for him day after day, no matter what.

And you can see, especially in the cave scene when AJ brings up the fact that she’s still just a kid too, that she still has so much bottled up inside. She grew up so damn fast and became a goddamn powerhouse. Anyone that got in the way of her and AJ was going to end up dead. She never knew what it meant to be a parent before the world ended. She didn’t get to the age where you understand the choices parents make when raising their kids. And yet, she still raised a child all while raising herself in the middle of an apocalypse.

Clementine, you did a better job than anyone else ever could have.

[panevanbuckley]

Band of Brothers and The Pacific for the fandom ask game, please! Have a lovely day 💕💕

ooh tysm!! these were fun to do, even tho it's like midnight now and i've just downed a too-strong coffee...have fun with my dumb ramblings!! hope you had a great day too! 💜

Band of Brothers

the first character i ever fell in love with: if we're talking before i watched the show, then it's babe because he's a precious, dorky bean. if we're talking after i started watching it then it's toye because how could i not fall for that adorable, grumpy sweetheart?!

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: okay i love everyone so it's not like i dislike/hate them but, once i started to watch it, my love for winters slowly fell down the scale. purely because i discovered new favourites though! i still love him

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: okay there genuinely isn't a ship i don't love, i'm here for all the ships!!

my ultimate favorite character™: I DON'T KNOW!! 😭 babe and toye hold the top spot together because i adore them

prettiest character: BABY GENE!!!!

my most hated character: what's his face?! umm... dike?? right? man it's late and i hate him enough to not remember his name oops

my OTP: fuck...so many! luztoye make me cry like, all the time though so i gotta say them

my NOTP: umm.... anyone including sobel for obvious reasons probably

favorite episode: the breaking point! makes me fucking sOB but i love it

saddest death: jackson! controversial probably but he's the babiest and deserved better 💕

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: again. i love them all!

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: BILL GUARNERE BY GODDAMN PRECIOUS ANGRY BOY I LOVE HIM

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: carwood 'mama' lipton never deserves to be sad. ever.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: i mean... not wrong or nasty but nixon/speirs definitely sent me through a loop or two because they're so unexpected but so perfect for each other!!

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: chuck/tab have been a background ship ever since i fell into the fandom and i'm sure if i took the time to invest myself in them more i would die for them!!

The Pacific

the first character i ever fell in love with: ROBERT FREAKING LECKIE THERE IS NO DOUBT THAT MY SOUL BELONGS TO HIM

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: okay, again, being controversial here but i adored sledge to begin with and now? not as much. he's still a precious bean, my heart just belongs with h company now

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: fuck...i uh, genuinely can't think of a single ship that i don't like? i'm coolio with them all

my ultimate favorite character™: robert leckie. of course. i love me one pretentious, adorable man with floofy curls

prettiest character: hoosier!! hoos my baby boy he's so goddamn pretty, i love him, fuck-

my most hated character: i don't hate him but larkin really grinds my gears

my OTP: LOOSIER BABIES!!

my NOTP: idk...larkin with anyone?!

favorite episode: gloucester/pavuvu/banika!! when i tell y'all this is my comfort episode i am not kidding 💕 it's jam-packed with team leckie content, wholesome and emotional and just all round my favourite

saddest death: john 😭 my baby!! he deserved better goddammit and i cry every damn time. but then... also manny because john's reaction breaks my heart. and probably hamm too because holy moly that lil' bean 💔

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: i don't even think there's anyone i hate?! that everyone loves??

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: BILL LEYDEN MY DIRTY TRASH BOY I FUCKING LOVE HIM

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: JAY!! MY BABY BOY! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HOLY SHIT-

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: huh...either team leckie ot4 purely because why the hell did i have to fall for an ot4 lord help me! or john/manny because it's like nobody ships them but i'm sorry i totally do and i am not ashamed

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: burgie/snafu or burgie/snafu/jay. sorry but these boys are precious and their bond is unbreakable and yes i fucking ship them do not come at me!!

(i just realised that my dumbass brain 100% was in denial over andy and eddie dying and so didn't include them in the saddest deaths and y'know what? i love that for me so yeah... they didn't die. sorry y'all but i have blocked that from memory)

fandom ask game

[threeletterslife]

06 | Illegirl

→ previous | next

→ summary: Excelling in every school subject, acing every math test and conquering the academic world is something you do as easily as breathing. As your residential social outcast nerd, you live rather as a recluse, talking to almost no one except for your dear ol’ cousin and that sweet boy in a few of your classes—Jungkook? was that his name? Befriending your ʰᵒᵗ AP stats teacher was the last thing on your high school senior agenda…

→ genre: 90% fluff, 8% crack, 2% angst | teacher!au & f2l!au

→ warnings: profanity, kissing/making out, the yikes of being friendzoned

→ wordcount: 5.7k

You've never really thought about it before but now you realize that teachers do have a life outside of school.

They don't just sleep under their big, teacher desks at night and pop up in the morning right before the first bell rings. You know now that teachers, although with so much authority and intellect, are just humans—they have feelings, they have a life and they can also be your friend.

You beam as you look at your teacher as he lectures. A friend he was...

Your eyes shift up and down Jimin's figure and man, was it too sweet for your eyes. He's so good looking. Actually, even that was an understatement.

Your teacher's tight, white button-up shirt fits his figure just perfectly as his tie sit handsomely on his broad chest. His black jeans look strained on his muscular legs, and your eyes start moving up to settle specifically on his thighs. Goddamn.

Jimin pushes up his glasses (that he only wears in a classroom setting) and that motion draws you in to study his ethereal face. Your breath hitches as you marvel at his wide, almond eyes, adorable nose and those soft, plump lips. So beautiful, so surreal, so...

"Y/N? Y/N. Y/N!"

You jump a foot in the air. "Huh, what?" you shout, startled out of your mind. You know you probably sound like some twelve-year-old caught with porn and you mentally scold yourself for sounding so off-guard.

It gets worse when everyone in your math class laughs at you and you can feel your cheeks turning red with embarrassment.

"I asked you a question," Jimin says as he points to a problem on the board.

You've always noticed that your teacher never ever cuts you slack for being his friend; he doesn't show favoritism, preferring to treat everyone quite equally, no matter how bad someone might take an L on his test. You always thought that was honorable of him, but now, you kind of wished he'd leave you alone to die in your ocean of humiliation.

Palms already sweaty from all the unwanted attention on you, your eyes shake as you squint at the problem. It's hard to focus on the numbers. "Oh shit," you mutter under your breath, but you've always been a loud mutterer.

Everyone laughs again.

Uneasy sparks blaze in your stomach. You hate how everyone is watching you, waiting and listening for anything out of place to ridicule your every move.

But you take a deep breath and the math problem seems to clear up in your vision. It's an easy one, thank god.

"22 pi over 7," you squeak quickly, ducking your head under.

"Hm? Speak a little louder, Y/N," Jimin says as he adjusts his glasses, craning his neck towards you as if he couldn't hear you.

Goddammit, Jimin.

"22 pi over 7!" you yell in the stupidest and shakiest voice ever to be heard by mankind.

Finally, the fire in your stomach burns out when Jimin nods. "Correct," he chuckles slightly, his eyes glinting a bit. " Try not to daydream too much, Y/N. Even geniuses need to pay attention."

The fire is back and hotter than ever, except it's not only in your stomach, it's everywhere in your body. So. Fucking. Humiliating.

Trying to cool yourself, you set your head down on the desk, looking at your shoes as if those dirty, black Watt Star Converse were something actually worth looking at for more than half a millisecond.

Damn. I used to never get distracted... What the fuck is wrong with me?

After school, you trudge to your math teacher's classroom, still embarrassed about the incident earlier. When you walk in, Jimin's erasing the whiteboard, his back facing you.

As quietly and quickly as possible, you set your stuff down at your desk in the front of the classroom and sit. I will not initiate conversation. He's gonna hate me for getting distracted during class.

But when your teacher turns around, he laughs warmly, eyes scrunching up in the way that you love most.

"Y/N, why so quiet today?"

You flinch. "Oh, uh, no reason." You always sound so suspicious when you lie to Jimin.

"C'mon, you look disturbed," your friend says as he sets the whiteboard eraser down, abandoning it to walk towards you. "What's the matter?"

Oh, you know, just simply embarrassed that I think my friend, my teacher is hot and got fucking distracted over his goddamn body during his class.

But you can't say that.

"Oh, um..." you trail off, racking your brain for a good excuse. But as smart as you are academically, you're as stupid as a guppy when it comes to making plausible excuses. "I'm on my period."

You cringe the moment the words leave your mouth. Why, Y/N, why the fuck—

You want to crawl in a hole when Jimin raises his eyebrows in question. "Oh," he says. You swear you see his face flush pink as he turns his back towards you again, walking towards his messy desk. "Did it start today?" he asks.

Okay, what now?

Now it's your turn to flush pink; you didn't think Jimin would ask questions about your fake female problems. "Uh, yeah," you lie. "The cramps distracted me." Feigning pain, you try to convincingly grasp your stomach.

Jimin looks up at you from his desk, his silky black hair falling loosely over his twinkling eyes. To your surprise, he's smiling. "It isn't the first time I heard that excuse, Y/N. I know what you're really like on your period, remember?"

Well, shit. You did remember, you had just hoped he didn't... But it was your darn luck that he did. What did you expect from your intelligent teacher?

Face steaming, you huff. "Oh, whatever!"

Jimin only laughs, his eyes nearly disappearing as his full lips open up to a breathtakingly beautiful smile. You gulp. There's no doubt about it.

You're crushing on your teacher; he's much more of a distraction than your period will ever be.

"Operation help Ji—I mean, Mr. Park starts now!" you announce as the members of your math club cheer loudly.

"I don't know what kind of fucked up nasty humans were mean to our teacher, but we're totally gonna show them!" Nicole declares, Sarah and August agreeing aggressively by her side.

"But the question is... how?" Jungkook asks shyly, scooting closer to you.

Very aware of his movement, you slightly squirm, but pretend nothing happened. "I was thinking of a math tutoring club? For anyone who wants tutoring or is failing the class," you say. "And that way, if asshole parents complain again, we'll be able to say that Mr. Park did everything he could to help them—he has a fucking club dedicated to passing his class!"

"Ingenius as usual," August laughs.

"And when would we start this club?" Sarah asks.

You grin, your eyes sparkling with ambition. "If we can, tomorrow."

"No, no, no!" you practically scream, hitting your favorite pencil against a packet of math problems aggressively. "For the last time, you can't divide x to get an answer! You're gonna lose solutions! Do you want to lose solutions? Do you want to lose that A?"

The teen you're tutoring looks about ready to cry but you honestly feel no remorse. She had been constantly checking her goddamn text messages, giggling over quite inappropriate texts about Jimin. It makes you sick.

If she thinks Jimin's so fucking hot, why doesn't she at least try to be good at math?

"Hey, hey, Y/N, calm down," a familiar, silvery voice calls.

Jungkook.

"I'm trying!" you protest, flinging up your hands.

Jungkook laughs, sliding into the chair next to you and looking at the girl you were tutoring.

"What are you having trouble with?" he asks the girl in such a silky, smooth voice that if someone told you he was an angel, you'd believe them.

"Everything!" the dumb girl wails.

You roll your eyes.

"Hey, hey, then let's start from the very beginning, okay?" Jungkook soothes, smiling softly.

Goddamn, I wish I was that patient.

You just start to zone out as Jungkook literally reteaches this girl how to factor. You honestly wonder how she even passed elementary school. But then again, you have to admit you're a little jealous that this girl has so many friends to text. Yet you'd rather be smart than be popular—that's just how you roll.

You pause. But it's not like you don't have friends. You just don't have that many. And I actually like all the friends I have for once...

You don't remember falling asleep when a large, warm hand gently shakes you awake. Your groggy eyes open to see Jungkook, a goofy smile plastered on his face. "Tired, Y/N?" he chuckles.

The girl he's tutoring rolls her eyes. "Hmph. She yells at me for checking my messages but she does something even more unproductive," she grumbles.

Oh no. You did not just wake up to deal with attitude. You're not gonna have it. "Excuse me, but while I'm out here mastering linear algebra, you don't even know how to factor. Guess you had one too many hours of texting, huh?" you snap.

"Dayum," Jungkook mutters under his breath. He casually holds his hand out for a high-five, which you do, extremely dramatically.

"For your information, I know how to factor now," the girl huffs.

"For your information, that's a required skill for fifth graders," you bite back. "In addition—"

"As hilarious as this is," Jungkook interrupts, placing a hand on your arm, "You should calm down. It's a tutoring session, not a roasting session."

You sigh as the girl practically drools over your friend.

"Sure, Jungkook, sweetie. Thank you so much for your help so far," she giggles, flirtingly twirling her hair with her slender finger.

"Yeah, whatever," you reply as you feel Jungkook's hand slipping off your arm, the warm heat now gone.

Jungkook goes back to teaching the girl, oblivious of her seducing attempts. You roll your eyes as you look around the tutoring club—the turnout was better than you expected, honestly. For the first time in a classroom, however, you feel lost. You're not the best at teaching, (to be exact, you're the worst). Your patience is shorter than your height, (which is saying a lot), but everyone else in the math club seems to be teaching naturals.

Feeling a little guilty you can't do much to help out, you start to play with your pencil, twirling it around and doing cool tricks that you've accumulated over the years. But of course three minutes in, your hand loses grip of your writing utensil and it flings off, hitting the ground and starts rolling away from you.

Sighing irritably because you have to physically move to go get it, you stand up from your chair, crawling on the floor to reach your pencil. "Found you, you idiot," you tell your blue oxi-gel when you hear a light laugh coming from above you.

Facing forward, you come face-to-face with a pair of knees covered with smooth, black material. Looking up, you see your teacher smiling down at you.

"Were you actually talking to your pencil?" he teases, face set with a brilliant grin.

"I... uh..."

"God, what is this?" Jimin asks as he looks around his classroom filled with students. "Y/N, are you organizing a cult?" he whispers with a full grin plastered on his face.

"What no!" you protest as Jimin helps you stand up. "It was kinda supposed to be a surprise but..."

"It's a math tutoring club," Jungkook chimes in. "We're helping students reach that A, you know?"

"You guys made a tutoring club for me?" your teacher says, placing a hand to his heart. "I'm about to burst into tears."

You chuckle at Jimin's dramatized actions. "Well, no one deserves mistreatment. Ahem, especially not body objectification," you say as you glare at the girl Jungkook's tutoring. She rolls her eyes.

"Awww," Jimin coos. "You guys are amazing. You know what? We're ordering pizza, my treat!"

People cheer so loud your ears physically hurt.

You sigh out, clutching your full stomach as you slide into the shotgun seat of Jimin's nice car. "Damn... Since we already ate, does that mean we're not eating dinner at your house tonight?"

Jimin chuckles lowly. "Why? Wanted to go to my house?"

Your cheeks blush red as you shake your head aggressively. "No! I was just saying..."

"Well, I mean, we didn't have dessert yet, didn't we?" Jimin suggests, smiling. His fingers softly brush against yours as he reaches for your seatbelt, buckling it for you. "You always forget to wear your seatbelt, Y/N," he laughs. "You never know when I might fuck up on the road."

"Hmph!" you say, crossing your arms over your rapidly being chest. "Stop babying me! I was gonna put it on this time!"

"That's what you say every time," Jimin chuckles as he starts his car with a press of a button. "Now, cupcakes or brownies?"

"Huh? Um, cupcakes?"

"Great! We'll stop by the market to get some ingredients. We're going to learn how to bake!"

Oh no. Why did that sound like a disaster waiting to happen?

But surprisingly, it was a miracle waiting to happen. You stuff your face with aesthetic, black frosting, occasionally biting at the soft, plush bread. "To think we can bake cupcakes but not cook ramen right the first time," you chuckle.

"To be fair, we actually used directions," Jimin says, neatly slicing up his cupcake to eat piece by piece.

You scrunch your nose. "You look like a prince who's too snooty to eat with his own two hands."

"Or maybe I want to be hygienic? You know, unlike you," Jimin teases as you huff in response. Jimin pokes at you, making you turn to him in exasperation.

"What?" you sigh.

"I dunno... I never really got a chance to thank you..."

You raise your eyebrows, thoroughly confused. "I mean, but it was a team effort..." you try to say modestly. "Besides, I didn't do much of the teaching. I mean can you believe this girl didn't know how to fac—"

Jimin rushes in for a hug, knocking the wind out of you—you lose all train of thought, you lose your voice and all sense of functionality. All you can hear is your heart beating wildly in your chest and Jimin's steady breaths against your ear.

"Y/N... Thank you," he whispers, gripping you tighter. "I know it was you who came up with the idea. And I just—I'm so touched. When I told you my problems, I only expected you to listen, maybe, I don't know, sympathize? But you took my problems and found a solution, putting it into action. No one's ever done that for me before... I don't even know what to say..." your teacher trails off, still hugging you tightly. "I'm emotional, I know... But I almost broke down crying when I saw you and your friends hosting this club... all for me."

Your brain turns into mush at Jimin's heartfelt confession, and you can't help but hug him back, burying your face into his shoulder. Words can't seem to make it past your mouth—you can't afford to ruin the moment by saying something completely stupid.

But that's when you feel it. The rapid thumping of a heart. Except it's not yours—it's beating faster than yours.

It's Jimin's.

You walk into Jimin's class slightly earlier than usual, your phone pressed against your ear as you bob your head up and down, staying silent for a few seconds and then talking away.

"I know, I know, I miss you too, Jin," you say just as you slide into your comfortable seat, slipping your backpack off your aching shoulder.

"Yeah, I know, I love you too. Of course, I'm still alive!" you huff, rolling your eyes. "And no! I didn't burn the house down... yet. No, we don't eat ramen daily—we eat it every other day," you protest.

You're quiet again as Jin gives you a piece of his mind.

"Yes, I know ramen's bad for me," you sigh. "Fine. We'll try to make salad or something today. Mhm. Yeah. Yes, I'm in his class right now. No, Jin! I can't just hand my phone over to him, are you out of your mind? You can call him on his phone at some other time."

You sigh loudly as your cousin rambles on the phone. "Wait. What?!" you suddenly shriek, causing a few early-comers in the class to stare at you in shellshock. Quickly lowering your head in embarrassment, you aggressively grasp your phone with both hands. "What do you mean you're going to be away for another month?" you whisper angrily. "Are you serious? Why does the drama team have to be so good?"

Jin chuckles on the line as you pout. "I know, congrats and all but you've been away for too long. Stop teasing me, I just miss you!" you huff.

Your cousin attempts to explain himself as you sit through it all, nodding your head occasionally. "Okay, then," you say in a sad, defeated tone. "I guess, good luck... Anyways, I've got a test this period, gotta fly." You pause, frowning. "Of course I studied! Who do you think I am?! Yeah, well thanks, I'm pretty confident. Mhm. Yeah. Have fun. Love you too. Yup. Bye." Smiling softly, you end the call with your cousin, slipping your phone into your backpack to replace it with your lucky pencil and eraser. There, now you're completely ready for the math test.

From the corner of your eye, you see Jimin, watching you. When he catches your sight, he gives you a small smile paired with a discreet thumbs-up. Your heart flutters.

Gosh darn diddly dang.

Ever since that night you felt his heart beating wildly in his chest, you can't help but wonder if maybe, possibly, hopefully, you're not in a one-sided crush. It was pretty plausible Jimin had always been so caring because he liked you back—either that or he majorly friendzoned you.

The annoying school bell blares, throwing you out of your thoughts, and as if exactly on cue, your teacher stands up from his desk, taking graceful steps to the front of the class. He clears his throat to gain the attention of still-rowdy students. "I hope everybody's prepared," Jimin says as he shifts from the weight of stacked tests. "If you studied polar curves as I said, you'll be fine for the unit test."

A low murmur fills the class as your peers start to panic.

"What the fuck is a polar curve?"

"Shit, I don't even know what unit this is!"

"Definite integrals, you shithead."

"Well goddamn, I'm gonna fail again."

You cock your head. Yeah, definite integrals might be challenging at first, but they weren't hard—it just required a lot of practice. But something told you most of your classmates didn't even know how to spell 'practice.'

As Jimin passes the tests out, you hear students groan from their first glance of questions.

"No noise, no talking!" your friend reminds his students. "If you need extra scratch paper, pencils or erasers, they're up here in the front; you know the drill. Good luck to you all!"

But you can barely hear your teacher as you're already racing to finish up a problem on the exam. You've figured long ago that Jimin's test questions were always in order from hardest to easiest—which explains why most kids rarely finish. You, on the other hand, learned to immediately flip over your tests and work your way from the back to front.

You don't hear anything, nor do you see anything except for the all too familiar graphs and curves printed out on white paper. Your favorite pencil flies across the exam faster than your mile time, and soon, you're finished.

Wiping your sweaty and cramped hands on your jeans, you look up at the clock in the front of the classroom. You've finished at least twenty minutes early. You sigh softly. I don't feel like checking answers.

Almost instinctively, your eyes glance at your teacher's desk—it was starting to become a habit to look at him. But also, you wanted to see if he was grading the math tests from earlier periods. Except, he most clearly wasn't.

Why? Because he was looking at you. And your eyes meet. Electricity courses through your veins and you swear your heart stops beating for a few seconds. You can't hold the gaze as you quickly turn your head, releasing a breath you didn't know you had held.

Goddamn. Now, this is awkward.

Trying to shake off the awkwardness, you take a small breath and grip your pencil in your hands again. Maybe it's time to check answers.

Except—except, you can see out of the corner of your eye, your teacher still watching you. It wasn't a creepy stare though, no. It was like a handsome prince lovingly admiring his beautiful princess. Well, you were no beautiful princess, and though Jimin might be handsome, he was no prince. But still. His gaze made you feel... secure and even admired. Your heart flutters in your chest.

Why is he watching me?

You're too scared of the answer to even possibly ponder it.

So, sighing quietly, you use all your willpower to pretend like your teacher is not watching you as you cross your legs and tuck a strand of loose hair behind your ear. You give your lucky pencil a nice squeeze. It's time to check answers.

"Did you know you frown when you concentrate?" Jimin asks as he does the dishes, diligently washing a bowl that had been previously filled with a healthy salad.

You sit on the kitchen counter, making some tea as you cock your head. From all that watching, he would know all of my stupid behaviors when it comes to test-taking. But you feign ignorance. "How would you know?"

"Well, not to sound weird but sometimes I watch my students take their tests," Jimin says as he dries his wet hands on a nearby towel, then sauntering over to sit next to you on the kitchen counter.

Your heart falls. So I'm not special. He watches everyone.

"No, not all of my students... I only ever watch you," your teacher admits as he scratches the back of his neck in what seems like slight embarrassment.

Your heart leaps in your chest. You don't know how to pirouette, twirl, turn, but your heart was surely doing it at the moment. Was this it? Was he confessing? Were you not in a one-sided crush?

"It's because I care for you," he starts awkwardly. "I mean, don't you tend to watch things you care for? Just to see if they're alright? I dunno..."

Ohohoho, you have no idea.

You nod enthusiastically. "Mhm, of course." Your lips stretch out into a large smile—you're unable to control it. You feel warmer than the cup of tea in your hands. "So you truly care for me?" you tease slightly, casually nudging Jimin.

He nudges you back, laughing. "Of course, Y/N, you're like a best friend to me."

Your eye twitches slightly, your smiles wavers and vanishes and you don't feel as warm anymore.

Well shit, you were friendzoned.

Smiling in accomplishment, you stretch back from your seat, mentally celebrating the finishing of your homework. Your blasted teachers had given you some extra weekend work, but jokes on them, you finished it all in—you glance at your watch—seven hours.

Wait a minute. Seven hours?! You do a double-take, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand and polishing the glass of your watch. The delicate, silver hands still pointed all signs that it was indeed, 10 pm.

Well fuck. I've literally been at school seven more hours than I should've. I've been at school for practically 15 hours! That's more than half of the hours in a day—I spent approximately 63% of the whole day at school!!! And even worse, I mISSED DINNER!

You take deep breaths to calm yourself, immediately looking up to see—no surprise—Jimin working hard at his desk. His eyebrows were scrunched up cutely, and he was biting his pink lips in concentration. The sight of him instantaneously calms you down.

But then you notice Jimin looks frustrated, stressed even. You always admire him for taking care of his own problems, yet sometimes you wish he'd learn to burden others with his dilemmas.

Slowly and quietly, you creep up behind your teacher, looking over his shoulder. "Need any help, Mr. Park?" you whisper in his ear, a small, teasing smile plastered on your lips.

Jimin jumps slightly, turning around to look at you. His serious look is replaced with a reciprocated bright smile. He flutters his eyelashes and runs his fingers through his silky hair, refusing to break eye contact with you. "Oh c'mon no one's around," he says, chuckling. "Jimin will do."

"Yeah, no shit no one's around," you pout slightly, casually placing your chin on Jimin's shoulder. Ever since he majorly friendzoned you, you have to admit it was easier to have physical contact—though your heart beats wildly in your chest every time the two of you touch.

"Hmm..." your teacher hums, twirling his red correcting pen. "It'll take just a bit more... Is our little Y/N bored?" he asks as he reaches out to mockingly pat your head.

You groan dramatically.

"What time is it?" Jimin asks absentmindedly, letting your head rest on his shoulder.

"10," you mutter lazily, wanting to doze off with your face up against Jimin's warm neck.

"WHAT?!" your teacher shouts, shifting suddenly to grasp your arms and bring your whole body in front of him. He even tugs you forward, closer to him. Your heart is already having its own mini explosions, not being able to comprehend such closeness from your ultimate crush.

"Why didn't you tell me it was this late, Y/N?" Jimin cries. "Shit, I'm so sorry, I made you wait so long! God, I lost track of time!"

You just shrug, although a bit surprised at his outburst. At this moment, you're just worried Jimin'll hear the aggressive thumping of your poor heart—it can't take this anymore. You're definitely not built for unrequited love. "It's all good," you say, trying to smile calmly. "It's no big deal, really."

Apparently, your stomach thinks otherwise as it lets loose a large growl, much to your horrification. "Oops," you whisper.

At that, Jimin runs his fingers through his hair, sighing. "Fuck, we've been here for seven hours, Y/N, it is a big deal!" He grabs both of your hands, taking you by surprise. "We skipped dinner! I swear to god, Jin will kill me if he found out!"

You giggle. It was slightly amusing to watch Jimin fret so much. "What if we don't tell him?" you whisper mischievously, leaning forward. You're trying so, so hard not to scream in the utter joy that your crush is literally holding your hands right now.

Nope, I'm not going to acknowledge that at all, you tell yourself dutifully.

Now you're waiting for Jimin to answer, to say something funny, or witty as usual. Yet, he doesn't. Instead, he's actually quite silent—it doesn't seem normal. You take a peek at his face to make sure he doesn't look sick or anything, or maybe it was just a dumb excuse you made up to check his ethereal features out.

That turned out to be a big mistake.

You peer into Jimin's eyes, only to catch them looking at your lips. His eyes flutter back up to yours, and now the two of you are staring at each other. Your eyes speak a language only the two of you can understand.

His eyes tell you to inch closer to him, to part your lips.

Your eyes tell him to tug you into his lap, an all too familiar action. He doesn't let go of your hands.

You can feel his breath, hear his breath.

Hell, you can hear his heart. And you're not mistaken—you swear on your own life that you hear the quickened pounding.

And still, you're staring right into his soft, but slightly hooded eyes—never breaking contact. You're so close. So, so close to him, the closest you've ever been.

He slowly, tantalizingly slowly leans in, almost to give you a chance to back out. Oh, hell no. You're staying.

His beautiful, breathtaking face is so close that your eyes are almost crossing to meet his. Then, he closes his eyes just as he closes the minuscule gap between the two of you.

Your lips meet.

You don't know how something can go by so quickly and slowly at the same time. Each movement of your connected mouths is so languid, so relaxed, yet quick, but victorious fireworks are exploding behind you.

Straddling Jimin, you feel his body heat, your bare legs chafing against the smooth material of his slacks. It's so close to heaven that it is.

He works his magic, lips pulling and parting at the precise moments, his tongue finding its way into your waiting mouth. You can barely function from the heat of the moment, but you realize that you are glad he doesn't taste like beer this time.

Jimin sweetly squeezes your hands that are encompassed in his, leaning back slightly for both of you to breathe. Immediately, your eyes are open, and they lock onto his. But as if in a time restraint, both of you hurriedly shut your eyes again and lean in to meet each other's lips once more.

It's euphoric, really.

And for the first time in your life, you get to feel what physical affection is like. This one's not a lustful, drunken kiss, it's so much more than that. You put your heart in this, and you hope Jimin did the same. It surely felt like it.

With one last, sweet and soft, lingering kiss, your teacher, crush and friend leisurely pulls away. You almost lean forward to follow his lips—you guess you miss them on yours that much.

Your eyes flutter open, meeting Jimin's hooded ones.

Goddamn. You don't know how to feel, what to say, what to do, what to think. Your hands are still tightly enclosed in his.

"Oh..." you breathe out, hoping Jimin would say something for you, anything. But he doesn't. He remains silent. It's so not like him.

Regret starts to pour into your body, coursing through your veins. It feels like poison. You can feel yourself wilt, as you realize—it was still one-sided, Jimin had merely been caught up in the heat of the moment, again.

"Fuck," you whisper, mostly to yourself. "Fuck," you say louder, tears starting to well up in your eyes. Jimin loosens his grip on your hands, and you slide them away, the warmth all gone. You search for your teacher's face for anything, any sign that he was okay with what both of you had just done. But again, nothing.

"Oh my god. What have we done?" you mutter, looking down and away. You were yet to slide away from Jimin's lap, but you couldn't bear to move away from that sort of comforting warmth.

"Shit, Y/N," Jimin breathes. It's the first phrase he says after the... well, kiss. "I'm so sorry," he mutters, his hand fluttering around your face to cup your cheek, but you flinch away. Goddammit, Y/N, why?

"Fuck, I'm so sorry, Y/N," Jimin whispers, he tugs his hand back to his chest. "It was a mistake! I didn't mean it. Oh god, don't tell Jin." He notices you're still on his lap and jumps up, making you fall down onto the cold, classroom floor—you're too shocked to react much. "God, I'm so sorry!" He tries to help you up, but you shake your head and stand up on your own.

"Y/N. I'm so sorry. It was a mistake," Jimin repeats. "It really was."

Your head is spinning, and you don't know what to say, or do, for that matter. "Then, a mistake it was," you finally manage to say, your voice a bit shaky. "Can we go now?"

I made out with him again. And he wasn't even drunk this time.

You repeatedly have that thought, over and over and over again. You can't seem to get the feeling, the sounds, the sight out of your head. You'd given your all into that little kiss, but Jimin deemed it was merely 'a mistake.'

That didn't hurt at all, nope, not at all.

You're quite good at lying to yourself. Because you know that hurt you a lot. God, I'm so humiliated. You just want to roll up in a small ball and throw yourself into a deep, dark corner. But you can't. Unfortunately, that shit is only figurative.

Sighing, you take a slight peek at Jimin in the driver's seat. His face is completely emotionless, which makes you worry.

We just ruined a perfectly good friendship, goddammit.

You're dropped off at your house; no words are exchanged between you and Jimin, you don't even turn back to give him a parting wave (like you usually do). Unlocking your front door, you quickly walk inside, slumping down to the floor immediately. With your back leaning heavily against the door, you bury your face in your hands.

Things had been going so well. Life had been going so well.

Now it seemed like you lost your best friend—who knows what more you might lose?

—previous | next

—masterlist

[supremehavok]

Keep Yourself Alive |||

(Penelope)

S1 prologue Part 1 Part 2

A/N: I love being complicated so this is KYA part 3 but focused strictly on how the reader tells Garcia that she is pregnant💕

__

For composure (Y/n) went to bed with her phone still on the coffee table. Unable to just lull herself to sleep in that moment (Y/n) turned on her side and as her cheek rested against the cold linen her mind thought of a million things at once. A minute felt like an eternity as she got lost in her thoughts that just didn’t seem like stopping. Marriage? No, not just marriage, a marriage with Spencer. Spencer Reid, boy genius, sweetest man alive, the father of her unborn child. The answer should be right in front of her, but it just wasn’t. It was even more strange that (Y/n) hadn’t even thought of marriage til Spencer brought it up, even as they discussed where to move and how much money they would put aside for the next few months. Marriage was never a focal point. Did (Y/n) even want to marry Spencer, does Spencer even really want to marry (Y/n)?

When it was all said and done a white wedding sounded perfect. It felt like the most sensible thing to do, with her and Spencer back together after a year. The next step after jumping the gun and getting pregnant was a big beautiful wedding.

(Y/n) Reid?

Special Agent (Y/n) Reid?

Dr. and Mrs. Reid?

__

The next morning (Y/n) nearly threw herself out of bed as her alarm clock chirped it’s horrific tune. 6 am, but with a catch. Earlier in the week (Y/n) promised her favorite tech analyst coffee and a blueberry muffin first thing in the morning. Only problem was the nearest coffee shop just happened to be twenty five minutes out of her driving route to work, it was Spencer’s coffee shop next to his apartment.

Throwing her sweater on (Y/n) grabbed her bag and walked briskly down the corridor to the elevator and into the lobby. Once her car started and she was out of the parking lot (Y/n) felt her muscles relax against her cushioned seat, but her hands felt slippery on the steering wheel. Whether the conversation ended good or bad she needed to talk to Spencer; she reached into her bag and let her fingers feel around for her cellphone. But nothing.

“Dammit,” (Y/n) muttered under her breath, she gripped the steering wheel with big hands again with a tight grip. There was no time to circle back and all (Y/n) could think about was the long line that awaited her. She sighed and kept on driving on autopilot.

Her little car smelled of warm baked goods and French roast, vanilla from sweetener and a subtle fragrance of pound cake in the passenger seat. The drive to Quantico almost felt blissful, but (Y/n) made herself come back down from bakery heaven when it occurred to her just how claustrophobic her work day was about to become. All the whispering across desks just to converse with Spencer in complete secrecy, talking in corners outside of the bullpen.

The minute (Y/n) opened the door to the office she whipped her head around on the lookout for Spencer. He wasn’t at his desk, he didn’t appear to be in Hotch’s office. (Y/n) bit the inside of her cheek and sped across the bullpen to her desk to drop her bag off under her chair. On the way to Garcia’s den (Y/n) also looked both ways as not to cross paths with her love.

“Enter,” Penelope’s voice chimed once (Y/n) knocked. Garcia’s lair always smelled nice, either from her perfume or from the sage she periodically burned. Penelope’s eyes lit up and seemed to double in size once she spun around in her chair, she opened her arms graciously “Work wife!”.

“Good morning my love. I come bearing gifts” (Y/n) held the paper bag and cup holder up.

“Oh I love you. I mean it. Die for you, walk on broken glass for you, give up all of my shoes for you”.

“Garcy we all know you’re not giving up your shoes for anyone, but I appreciate the thought,” (Y/n) took her own coffee from the holder once Garcia set everything down at her desk.

“Since when do you drink decaf?” Penelope giggled.

“Since always” (Y/n) couldn’t even convince herself of that simple lie. To help her disruption she raised her eyebrow and turned the cup in her hand around so the words “Decaf” that were written in sharpie across the side weren’t visible anymore.

“False, dear. Ever since I’ve known you you’ve always had a double Americano with steamed milk. I don’t know how you could even stand to drink decaffeinated Americano” Garcia grimaced and exaggerated a disgusted expression with her tongue out for effect.

“Yeah, well now I drink it decaf. I hate the jitters”, but taking that first sip it took all the strength (Y/n) had to not spit the entire thing out. Maybe it was all in her head but it wasn’t the same piping hot drink she desired nearly every morning.

“Doll you love the jitters you live for the jitters. So what’s really going on with you?”.

“Nothing, really”.

Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. An almost violent urge to pee. (Y/n) held her legs together instinctively and followed with a muttered, “Be right back” before she speed walked stiffly out the room and down the hall to the bathrooms. When (Y/n) returned Garcia looked like she barely moved, sitting there with a very suspicious smile on her face.

“What was that all about?,” she asked.

“I just had to use the bathroom” (Y/n) said a bit breathlessly.

“Mhm alright. Back to your coffee I-“

“Garcia my coffee is fine and so am I. I just didn’t want any caffeine this morning”.

Just as (Y/n) leaned herself against an edge of Garcia’s desk while they conversed on less interrogatory topics she began to feel the same urgent, knot tightening feeling again.

“Garcia hold that thought I really have to use the bathroom again”.

“Wait what?,” but before (Y/n) could answer, Penelope thought quickly and jumped from her seat and placed herself right in front of her door. Crossing her arms in front of her chest Penelope attempted to stand with authority.

“Garcia I really need to use the bathroom. Can you move please?”.

“No, not until you tell me what you’re hiding from me. You all may be profilers but I can smell lies and right now you’re stinking up my entire lair and I don’t appreciate it,” Garcia pointed an accusing, hot pink polished finger at (Y/n) as she moved uncomfortably in her spot in front of her.

“Would you rather me surrounding you lair with me ‘lies’ or would you rather I pissed myself right on your floor?”.

“You wouldn’t” Garcia narrowed her eyes.

“I will if you leave me no other option,” (Y/n) withered in her spot as her muscles contracted and uncontracted with the immense pressure building up.

(Y/n) could see Garcia weighing her options rather obviously. Keeping her body in front of the door Penelope crossed her arms once again and said, “Do it”.

“Oh for the love of God Penelope!” (Y/n) groaned.

“Tell me what you’re hiding from me!”

“You’ve gone insane, Garcia”.

“We’ve been friends for almost ten years you should be able to tell me when something’s wrong. You’ve trusted me with everything up until now”.

“Goddammit fine! I’m pregnant!,” (Y/n) yelled almost victoriously.

Penelope’s eyes became the size of dinner plates, her mouth opened as far as humanly possible and she felt like her legs might give out from her shock.

“Oh my god,” Garcia gasped.

“Pen, I promise I will talk to you about it in a minute just please let me use the bathroom”.

“Oh right sorry!,” Garcia moved aside as (Y/n) ran past her. This gave Penelope time to compose herself. Breathe, breathe, breathe. In and out, in and out.

“Alright,” (Y/n) came back and settled herself against Garcia’s desk. “I ju-“, (Y/n) couldn’t even finish the beginning of her sentence before Penelope reached out and laid her hands on (Y/n)’s stomach. Only four weeks along so there wasn’t much change, maybe a little bit rounder, but not yet a full bump.

“You have life inside of you, (Y/n). Like you are creating a tiny, little, adorable life” Garcia continued to gawk and ramble. When she talked it felt like she was in her own little world.

“Garcia,” (Y/n) laughed, “focus”.

“Right, right. Sorry. Ummm, who’s the father? Have you been seeing someone I don’t know about?”.

For security and in the event Penelope started jumping about (Y/n) took her hand in hers and gave it a loving squeeze, “Spencer”.

“Sp-Spencer? You and Spencer? You’re back together? Oh my god you two are back together and having little baby geniuses”

(Y/n) laughed, it all sounded so wonderful when Penelope said it, like a fantasy world.

“I didn’t think this would ever happen again, (Y/n). I mean you were so great together and then everything changed: your brother, you left the team, you were working in New York. And then poor Reid, last year was really hard for him, even if he never told you he wasn’t completely the same when you left”, Garcia squeezed (Y/n)’s hand back as her voice became quiet, sincerity was important right now. “I’m so happy for you”.

“Thank you. Garcy I don’t know what I’m gonna do”, (Y/n) leaned her head in the support of Penelope’s hand.

“What’s stressing you?”.

“I love Spencer, so much. I’m happy, but it’s different”.

“What’s different?”.

“Us. We’re different. Garcia, he asked me if we were gonna get married. A year ago I would be over the moon if Spence wanted to get married, but it’s different now”.

“How-“, Garcia’s door opened and Spencer stuck his head out from the gap.

“Garcia have you seen-“, (Y/n) stood up, she knew he was looking for her. No phone usually meant worrisome people on the hunt. “Hey”, Spencer said softly.

“Hey”.

“Can we talk?”.

(Y/n) nodded. The way Spencer talked always made the anxiety fade, the gentle tone of his voice and the adoration he always kept in his eyes when he looked at (Y/n) kept any kind of tension at bay. The two walked down the hall to the stairwell. Before anyone said a word Spencer placed a sweet kiss on (Y/n)’s forehead, he let his hands rest at her side comfortably.

“I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have texted you something like that I just-I didn’t know what you wanted. I know you said you would move in with me and I know how I feel about you. I love you”, Spencer spoke softly in a low whisper.

“I love you too Spence. It’s just...it all feels so fast. One minute I’m having the most amazing night with you and the next we’re hearing wedding bells”, (Y/n) watched as Spencer’s expression dropped, he kept trying to regain a lift in his expression so he wouldn’t give away his immediate embarrassment.

“You’re hearing wedding bells or am I hearing wedding bells? Cause from here it looks like I’m the only one even considering the possibility”.

“Spence, we just got back together. I barely talked to you in the last year and now this?”, (Y/n) struggled to keep her volume at bay as it fluctuated the more frazzled she felt herself become.

“(Y/n) we have almost ten years of history, not to mention four of those years were us in an actual relationship. If you don’t know if you’d marry me after all of that then I have a good feeling I could answer that for you”, (Y/n) suddenly reached out and took ahold of Spencer by his forearm. She was instantly afraid that he’d walk away, yet he was speaking so calmly.

“I want to marry you. I just don’t want it to only be because...of what we did”, (Y/n) felt Spencer take the arm she had a grip on and trail his fingers lightly across her clothed stomach. He kept his eyes on the area as his fingers rested at the slight curve in (Y/n)’s stomach that had just barely begun to form.

“It wouldn’t just be that,” Spencer shook his head “ We can say that we were together for four years but I’ve loved you for so much longer than that. And if one day I bring it up again and if by any chance you say yes I promise you I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know just how much you mean to me”.

(Y/n) opened her mouth to speak but her lips just tremble. (Y/n) took a deep breath before suddenly taking Spencer by the back of his neck, pulling him into a fervent kiss under the flickering light in the stairwell. It nearly took Spencer’s breath away, it was nothing like their first kiss, not even like their kisses during their first time. It felt like the room became a hundred degrees warmer and when it was time (Y/n) wanted anything but to let go, to just turn around and walk to her desk for ten hours.

Spencer ran his hands up to her hair, it took everything in his power to start something he sure as hell couldn't finish in a government stairwell, so he settled for a forceful kiss on (Y/n)’s warm cheek. He loved when he could feel her smile as he peppered gentle kisses over her face.