#but having me a little baby library assistant present in front of all the big name Librarians

[theinquisitxor]

I was asked to present at work during an all-staff meeting about creating diverse collections

and one one hand: !!!!!!

but on the other hand: this is terrifying

[thearchivistsjournal]

Day 29,

Feeling better this morning.  Amazing how sleep helps with existential dread.  Although I do always get thrown through a bit of a loop waking up in the archive instead of the house.

*******

Cass was waiting outside the front door when I opened up the library for the day.  It’s easy to sleep in with there being no windows in the archive or its hidden bedroom, and that’s not normally a problem since I end up opening around the same time I would get in from the outskirts.  But when your new assistant is used to getting up at the crack of dawn for farm work… well, that’s a scheduling concern we probably should have thought about.  Next time we’re both spending the night in town I should probably at least leave the front door unlatched.  Maybe find out if there’s a second archive key I can get her.

I apologized for keeping her waiting, she played it cool like it was no big deal and made a joke about old folks needing their rest.  I assured her I’m not that old, and for all we know I’m only a month old.  A comeback that I immediately regretted due to the obvious invitation of child and baby jokes.  Especially with her being here to teach me to read.

And so we spent the rest of the morning with me learning the alphabet.  It’s an incredibly weird feeling to be able to glance at complete sentences and know what they say but to not recognize any of the individual letters when presented with them in isolation or know what sounds they make.  The worst part is that dichotomy doesn’t even make logical sense.  At least the alphabet is a phonetic one.  That at least is a concept I can grasp well enough that I suspect my “previous” language was as well.

On the note of my… impairment… not making sense there were a few times where I was worried that Cass thought I was faking it, but when I said as much to her she just shrugged and said that she’d always heard outsiders were weird like that (not this issue specifically, just that “sometimes they don’t work the same as everyone else’).  She found it to be more intriguing mystery to solve than annoyance.  It’s funny how her demeanor changes when she’s actively working on helping someone with a task, whether it’s unloading a wagon, setting up her family’s market stall, or teaching basic literacy.  The usual smug, know-it-all brat gives way to a child who genuinely cares about being helpful and wants to be seen as doing a good job.  It’s only when the task is done, and she knows she’s done well or shown someone up that the initial side of her comes back to the fore.  And then there’s the unbridled wonder and excitement when she’s exploring a new place or seeing a new sight.  It’s almost hard to reconcile the kid laughing and running around the cathedral ruins with the one giving her signature look of superiority with the one patiently teaching the names and sounds of letters.  It’s tempting to call one or another a facade or mask, but that feels like an oversimplification.

I’m rambling now.  Point is, kids are people too.  Don’t write them off as one-dimensional just because they’re young.  Everyone has multiple faces if you look long enough to see them in different situations, and that’s not a bad thing.

Okay, still rambling.  Stop that.  It seems that the alternative reaction to existential dread in the face of cognitive weirdness is waxing philosophical about everything you come across.

From the alphabet (which I’m still going to need to practice to memorize enough to teach it to kids come rainy season) we moved onto individual words.  Those I seem to be able to handle well enough that we went ahead and started focusing on sentence structure and grammar.  Probably a little bit advanced for kids just learning to read and write, but at this point I think it was more about figuring out what I can and can’t easily process.  As previously established, if I try reading a whole sentence all at once it’s fine, but it seems that if I start concentrating on isolated fragments of sentences something about the structure and word ordering is slightly off from what I’m reflexively expecting and I start getting a headache.

We were still dealing with how to work through that when we realized it was late enough to be meeting back up with Cass’s family for the ride back to the outskirts.  Fortunately, there weren’t any visitors to the library today so lessons could go uninterrupted and we didn’t have to answer awkward questions about why the Archivist was practicing letters.  I suspect that’s going to be the majority of Cass’s assistant days for the near future rather than helping regular archivist work.  Not what either of us were expecting, but necessary if I’m going to be trying to teach it myself to even younger kids later on.

Still, I should probably try to plan another exploration trip to take her along on.  Those seemed to be what she really wanted out of this.  And I’d be lying if I didn’t have my own growing itch to explore.  Maybe invite Lin again too.  The two of them seemed to get along well enough and it’d be nice to have another adult around.

*******

How old am I?  I can’t remember a specific number of years before arriving at the Village, but I have this perception in my head of “adult, but still young”.  Or at least not old.  The fact that I suspect my whole body is different confuses matters even further.  Comparing the look of my reflection to the people around me, I’d guess I’m of a similar age to Vernon and Lin.  Definitely younger than James.

<==Previous          Next==>

[deanstead]

Family Don’t Start With Blood

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Daughter!Reader

Request by anon: Could you do a Sam x daughter!reader where they found her as a baby but she was half demon so they took her in to try and be good and she grows up with them and stuff and then I’m season 15 instead of Cas going to the empty it’s her going (bc she’s half demon) where they find Ruby and Ruby admits to the reader that she’s her mother and Sams her father

Warnings: none

A/N: This was a specific request so I decided to give it a go. I apologise if there’s any mistakes! Hit me up in my ask and let me know what you think – should I continue to write Winchester!Daughter fics? That said, this is based off of 15x13 and I do hope you like what I did with it! Taglists are open, as are requests!

---

Sam turned slightly to look at you, where you had fallen asleep in the back of the Impala and smiled.

“Kid’s pooped.” Dean commented and Sam smiled. “Technically she’s only what… 11?” Sam said with a smile, looking back out the window, as Dean looked in the mirror and turned the music down.

Sam still remembered that day about 11 years ago, when he had first found you – just a baby wrapped in a thin blanket. It took a little less than a minute of you laying in his arms before you had Sam wrapped around your tiny fingers.

At best, Dean had been hesitant, the hesitation only growing when they realised you were half-demon. Sam glanced at Dean who had his eyes fixed on the road, remembering the many arguments that they had had - about bringing you up to be good and Sam’s own insistence that you were half human and could be good. When Sam finally managed to convince Dean to carry you in his arms, you had looked up at him, grabbed his finger and Dean had stopped arguing altogether.

You had spent the next 11 years growing under the watchful eyes of the Winchesters. You didn’t present like a normal 11-year-old child, growing rapidly, both physically and mentally and Sam had finally relented a few years back, allowing you to go on hunts with them. Which, as Dean constantly reminded him, had saved their skins more than once.

You whined a little as Dean went over a hump and Sam turned to glance at you again as you shifted in your sleep. “Sorry kid.” Dean whispered, an affectionate smile on his face as he glanced at you through the mirror.

Sam smiled. “Crazy, huh?”

Dean glanced at Sam. “You know if Dad was here, he’d whoop our asses.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Dean, it took you all of two seconds to love that girl.”

“Shut up.”

Sam chuckled, readjusting himself on the seat, taking one last look back at you, the feeling of pride that was blossoming in his chest was one that only a father could have. You’d made both of them proud - the way you could tell right from wrong as easily as breathing, sometimes even steering both of them on the right path when they wavered.

---

You had been brought up like a daughter under Sam and Dean, but you always knew it was out of the goodness of their hearts that they had taken you in, so you were always careful about making the right decisions. You had always called them by their names, and no one talked about what you all were to each other – you just knew you were family, and you loved each other.

As you were growing up, you had an unmistakable connection to Sam that you couldn’t really explain. Dean was just as protective over you and you knew he loved you under his gruff exterior but there was just something that made you naturally closer to Sam.

You looked up as you heard voices talking, getting up and peeping out from your room. You could hear it in Dean’s voice and it wasn’t good.

“We’ll deal with them but right now, you and me, we gotta go to Hell.” Dean’s voice travelled down the corridor.

You froze as you heard Castiel’s voice, “Woah. You do?”

“Jo said that’s where Ruby stashed the Occultum.” Sam explained.

You stood a little distance away but you could hear everything they were saying. “Ruby? The demon you were sexually intimate with?”

Your eyebrows shot up as you heard the disdain in Dean’s voice. “Sexually intimate?”

You didn’t like where this conversation was leading though, as you listened to Cas try to convince Sam and Dean that going to Hell wasn’t a good idea.

“We have to work with what we have. So we’ll go to Hell, you stay topside and keep that spell alive so we get back, alright?” Dean snapped, turning but freezing in his tracks when he saw you. “Hey kid.”

“Y/N?” Sam stepped out of the room they had been in.

Your expression must have betrayed you because Sam stepped towards you.

“Isn’t that too dangerous?” You asked, your eyes darting from Sam to Dean and back again.

Sam didn’t answer your question directly. “As long as the spell is kept alive here, Dean and I will be able to come back. No problems, okay?” he bent to look you in the eye.

You knew this was important. “Okay.” Your voice came out as a whisper.

As Sam straightened up, you looked up again. “Sam.”

You paused as he looked back down at you. “Be safe.” You whispered. Sam smiled and reached down to hug you. “You take care of things here, okay?”

You nodded before looking at Dean. “Don’t worry, kid.” Dean said, as he gave you a tight hug. “We’ll be right back.”

---

You sat with Castiel in the library, staring at the bowl that contained the spell that was Sam and Dean’s ticket back.

“So they made it? Sam and Dean are in hell?” Jack asked as he walked in.

You didn’t answer but Castiel spoke, “Yeah.” He paused. “There are too many holes in Jo’s story. Who was Ruby going to sell the Occultum to? Why didn’t Jo try to get it back?”

Your eyes flicked up now. “You think she’s lying?”

Castiel sighed, “I think we need to ask Ruby.”

“She’s dead.” Jack stated, confusion etched across his face.

“In the Empty.” Castiel clarified. “I need your assistance. Both of you.”

“Sure, anything.” Jack responded, as you knew he would.

Castiel stood, “I need you to kill me. Almost.”

“Wait.” You stopped him.

Castiel put a hand up. “Listen, if I’m at death’s brink, I should be able to put one foot in the afterlife and contact Ruby.”

Jack frowned and glanced at you. “Cas, the Empty doesn’t exactly like you, remember?”

“I’ll go.” You said, interrupting the conversation.

Castiel frowned at you. “No.”

“I’m half-demon, the same spell will get me to the same place. I’m a new face, the Empty doesn’t have a beef with me, and me being half-demon might be advantageous when I talk to this Ruby.”

Castiel hesitated, glancing at Jack.

“Besides, it’s safer that you’re here. What if you go and Jack and I can’t bring you back?” You argued. “If you’re here, I know that you’ll definitely be able to bring me back. Come on, Cas.”

Castiel looked at your determined expression and he knew that you were right.

“If this will help Sam and Dean, I’m doing it.” You stressed.

“Are you sure?” Jack asked, looking from you to Castiel.

Castiel glanced at you again and you nodded at him.

“You have one hour. That’s it.” Castiel said, looking slightly worried.

You nodded at him before turning to Jack. Jack hesitated but touched your forehead and you felt the breath knocked out of you, your life force being drained into a flask that he was holding out in front of you. The last thing you saw was Jack’s worried face before your eyes fluttered shut.

---

You found yourself surrounded by darkness. Utter pitch black. You could even feel your human half squirming.  

“Ruby? Ruby? Can you hear me?” You called out, taking a few steps forward. You weren’t even sure if any of your powers would work here.

“Hello. You’re a new face.” A voice came out of the darkness and you spun around defensively.

A woman sitting on a chair facing you. “Why are you stomping around here looking for Ruby?”

You took a deep breath. “I’m here to fulfil a request ordered by Death.” You paused, narrowing your eyes slightly. “Are you the Empty?”

She let out a smile. “Oh, a smart one. Now, tell me. Why should I help you?”

You took another step forward. “I understand you and Death are working together.”

She sighed dramatically before pointing. You turned to see a ball of light, before it enlarged and a young woman took its place.

“Ruby?” You ventured, moving towards the new appearance.

She looked confused as she looked around before looking at you. “Where am I?”

“You’re dead.” You stated matter of factly.

Ruby’s eyes grazed over you and it bothered you that she seemed to be sizing you up. “I remember.” She finally said, “Are you?”

You shrugged, “Almost, I guess.” A beat of silence passed between the two of you. “Ruby, I’m looking for an object known as the Occultum. The angel Jo said that you hid it somewhere in Hell.”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Did she? That is so like her. Don’t you think it’s a little obvious for a demon to be hiding something in Hell?”

“I wouldn’t know.” You said, squinting your eyes at her. “Sam and Dean are searching there now.”

Her expression softened, “Oh, Sam. How is the big lug? I liked him.” Unconsciously, a low growl rose in your throat. “We had a good thing, until…”

Ruby paused. “Are you… You are, aren’t you?”

“What?” You snapped, your patience wearing thin.

“You’re half-demon aren’t you? You’re her.”

You froze. “You know me?”

Ruby looked at you. “Oh, you must be her. Sam must have found you. I’m glad he took you in, that’s so typical Sam.” You growled a little, getting annoyed.

“How do you know me?” You asked again, wary.

“Why, honey, don’t you recognise your mother?” Ruby drawled, a small smile playing on her lips.

If you had been holding something, you would have dropped it.

Your mouth opened but no sound came out as the conversation you had overheard this morning played in your head like a broken recorder.

Ruby? The demon you were sexually intimate with?

You looked at Ruby again and she answered the question you didn’t ask, “Yeah, honey, Sam’s your father.”

You swallowed, processing the information. You didn’t have a lot of time left in the Empty, you needed to get the information you came for.

“Listen, I don’t have a lot of time. Can we just…” You tore your eyes away from the woman, the demon, that had just dropped a bombshell on you, and pressed further. “When you went to Jo about the Occultum…”

“When I went to see her?” Ruby’s voice was scathing now and you looked back up. “She called me.” You listened, an uneasy feeling forming in your gut as you listened to Ruby give her account of what had really happened, how Jo had asked to see her, pitching her the idea to be in the safest place anyone could be in when Michael and Lucifer battled it out – the Occultum.

“It’s a place?” You asked incredulously.

Ruby looked straight at you. “Whatever you want to call it, it’s powerful. Anyway, we had a deal so I stashed it. I can tell you the location. But it’s definitely not in Hell.”

You tried to ignore the voice screaming in your head that Sam and Dean were in hell for nothing, stashing away the desire to kill Jo. “Does Jo know where it is?”

Ruby let out a dry laugh. “As if she could be trusted. But you can trust me.”

It was your turn to let out a laugh. “Because you’re my mother?”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Because I want a deal.” She paused. “I’ll help you on one condition. Get me the hell out of here.”

“What?” You asked, furrowing your brows.

“This place is full of sorrow and despair, playing over and over again.” Ruby spat.

You looked back at her helplessly. “There’s no way I can…”

“You’re connected. I bet Sam, Dean, Castiel, they’re all waiting for you at the other end. I just need you to try.”

You needed to get the information from her before time ran out. “Okay, I’ll try.”

Ruby leaned forward to whisper in your ear.

---

Jack cast a look at Cas, his eyes moving towards your limp form at the table before looking back at the bowl containing the spell that was Sam and Dean’s ticket back here. Just then, a whooshing sound signaled their return.

“Guys, you’re back!” Jack called as their eyes fell on your limp form.

“Jack? Cas? What the hell?” Dean stepped forward, his eyes trained on you.

“Y/N? Honey?” Sam was kneeling next to you. “She’s cold. What’s going on?”

Jack looked at them. “She’s dead… kind of.”

Dean looked worriedly at you, his eyebrows furrowed.

“What?” Sam spat.

Castiel stood. “The Occultum isn’t in Hell.”

Dean didn’t say anything but swung his head to Jack.

“Y/N went to the Empty. Hopefully... To find Ruby. Hopefully... To find out where this Occultum thing is located.” Jack frowned. “Hopefully...”

“That’s way too many hopefullys!” Sam raised his voice as Dean looked back at Castiel.

“Bring her back. Now!”

---

When Ruby pulled away, you studied her.

“But it’s true, what you said?” You asked. Ruby rolled her eyes. “I told you, you could trust me.”

You shook your head. “I meant what you said about… me…” Your voice trailed off.

Ruby smiled. “Oh darling, that is definitely true. I made sure Sam would find you. But the rest? That’s all him.”

With that, Ruby quietly disappeared into the darkness, smiling at you.

“Hey.” The Empty was back now. “Now, my turn.”

Your stomach did a nervous flip. You were now pretty sure none of your abilities would work here.

“You don’t get to come traipsing in as and when you like, so take this as a little punishment.” She fisted her hand into a ball and you felt a pain surge through your body, as if someone was squeezing your heart and your whole body.

You groaned, sinking to your knees.

---

Castiel glanced at Dean again. “Now, Cas!” He raised his voice.

Castiel nodded at Jack, who quickly picked up the flask, unscrewing it and holding it close to you, letting the lifeforce seep back into your body.

Dean watched helplessly as Sam tightened his hold on your arm.

Your eyes snapped open as you took a deep shuddering breath, coughing. You could still feel the lingering pain from the Empty’s hold on you.

“Y/N!” Sam called out, as you swiveled your eyes towards him, his face hovering above you – your father. Your actual father.

Dean let out a sigh of relief.

“You’re back.” You breathed, smiling at them.

“Are you crazy Y/N? What if this hadn’t worked?” Dean asked, staring straight at you like he did when you used to get in trouble. You looked at Sam whose worried expression was now being replaced with one of slight annoyance.

“But it did.” You stubbornly said. “I’d do it again.”

“You could have gotten yourself killed.” Sam said, causing you to fall back into silence.

You crossed your arms. “The Occultum was never in Hell.”

“We would have told you that if you had waited for us.” Sam said.

You shook your head continuing, “It’s apparently the safest place in the world. And I got the location.” You stared back defiantly at both of them. 

“It’s a place?” Dean asked, frowning.

“Yeah.” You said. “Am I still crazy?” You asked, looking between both of them.

“Yes.” They both said in unison.

You rolled your eyes.

“Before we go, we need to talk.” Sam said, his stern voice telling you there was no room for argument.

You sighed and nodded. Sam looked at Dean who nodded at him. “We’ll find a way. Go.”

Sam stalked back towards your room, as you followed close behind.

“What were you going to do if you got stuck there?” Sam asked. “Y/N, I told you to think before you react. Always!” You could hear the genuine worry in his voice.

You didn’t respond immediately, just stepped forward and looped your arms around his torso, hugging him.

“I’m sorry…” You let a beat of silence pass before you said it, “Dad.”

You felt Sam freeze before he pulled away gently so that he could look at you. A small frown crossed his face. “Thought you didn’t like calling us that.”

You shrugged. “I thought you wouldn’t like it.”

You turned away. “I met Ruby.”

The thoughts you had pushed aside earlier were flooding your mind now. Sam and Dean had taken you in without knowing anything, without knowing who you were, where you came from and it was by sheer dumb luck that you had found out that Sam was your father. Your actual father. With that thought, a warmth spread in your chest.

Over the years, you had had your doubts about yourself. Sam always stressed that you were half human and that the human side of you could always choose to do the right thing. But you were never really sure, until now. You now knew why your human side could do the right thing, because your human side had come from Sam.

“Y/N?” Sam asked, you could hear him moving closer.

You turned around to face him. “She told me. About the both of you.” A look of knowing crossed Sam’s face. “That’s where I came from.” You whispered.

A look of shock crossed Sam’s face. “What?”

You frowned a little, trying to read his expression. “You don’t believe her?” You asked.

Sam shook his head. “No, I… I didn’t know.” He paused. “I think I finally understand the connection.” He smiled. 

“Ruby wouldn’t lie from where she is. There’s no reason to.” Sam reassured you. 

“Even if it’s a lie, is it wrong to want to believe in it?” You asked, dragging your eyes up to Sam’s.

“I believe it.” Sam whispered, bending down to give you a hug.

The one thing you knew for sure was that Sam had seen you as a daughter long before he knew you were his blood. Blood or not, he had loved you and that thought alone brought tears to your eyes.

“I’m glad it was you who found me.” You whispered. “Back then, when I was a baby... I’m glad it was you.”

Sam smiled back at you, affectionately tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Can I call you that?” You asked.

Sam smiled. “You can call me whatever you want.”

You nodded, “Thanks,” Reaching forward for him again, you whispered, “Dad.”

---

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[poison--ivory]

Haikyuu! Domestic Life (Captains/ Reader) Quirks

WARNING: NSFW

*This is my first headcanon and I just wanted to mix haikyuu and bnha. I hope you enjoy* (Don’t own the picture found it on pinterest)

Daichi, Kuroo, Oikawa, Futakuchi, Bokuto, Ushijima and Kita

Daichi- Telekinesis

-In a world full of quirks rules, Daichi follows each one of those rules even when he's by himself. -But, he does make some exceptions. Like when he's by himself and too tired from practice, he'll use his quirk to levitate whatever he needs from the other room. -Daichi bends the rule a bit when the first years get out of hand, throwing a volleyball at full speed hitting Kageyama and Tsukishima at the same time. Quickly deactivating it when Mr. Takeda glances over. -When the both of you started dating he used his quirk more frequently. When he first asked you out he used his quirk to grab your school bag and lead you to  an empty gym. The only person in there was a nervous Daichi and a floating banner that read: Will you go out with me? -Later in your relationship you'll notice Daichi doing small things for you with the assistance of his power. -For instance, when it's really windy he'll turn on his quirk to hold the ends of your skirt down. On one occasion you wore a cute skirt on one of your dates and a guy passing by decided to stop right behind you and tried to lift it up only to have his hand thrown to the side by an unknown source.  When you did look behind you all you saw was a lady hitting a man with her purse and a small crowd forming around them. -Since he's any average teen he has normal hormones. This causes his quirk to go off anytime he's aroused. You gave him a handy once and next thing you knew the bed was floating. As he finally climaxed the bed fell down and made a loud thump against the floor.   -His younger siblings came knocking on the door and Daichi had to calmly explain to them that he wasn't killing you.

Kuroo- Plasma

-Kuroo on the other hand wouldn't care all that much about quirk rules, but holds out because his quirk is a bit more dangerous than most.

-If he tried to explain his quirk to someone he'll go all into the science of his abilities. But, if he's talking to people like Hinata or Lev he'll dial it down a smidge.

-His quirk in simple terms is like kai blast in DBZ. When he told Bokuto and Hinata this they non stop did kamehameha for a half hour.

-When he asked you out it was in the middle of lunch time. He gradually brought up the topic of relationships and once you were in depth with his questions he popped his initial question.

-Since his quirk is more in the danger zone , so he'll go through extra steps to keep you safe. Like buying quirk protection gloves online with money his dad gave him. 

-Hand holding was a lot nicer and more comfortable once the gloves were in the equation.

-Much like Daichi, he had problems controlling his quirk in intimate situations. 

-Burned his sheets after getting a blowjob, so glad he settled or the bed spread instead of your head.

Oikawa- Shapeshift

-Oikawa broke the rules literally all the time and the only reason he wasn't caught most of the time is, because he planned out when and where he used his power.

-If someone left a certain class at a certain time, he would change his appearance to that specific person.

-The only people who have ever caught him are Iwaizumi and his sister on multiple occasions.

-When he first met you he decided to get to know you through Iwaizumi, literally.  He learned all he needed to know about you and even added some good quips about himself. 

-It started out quite well, but soon back fired when Hajime ran into you and him. Which caused a big rift between you and him for a really long time.

-Iwaizumi himself mended the issues between the two teens. Later, in life he would be the mediator for all your falling outs.

-Oikawa, not like the other two, can control his shapeshifting ability when aroused. Even changes into other people midway in a makeout session to scare you.

-On the downside he can't seem to handle climaxing well. A very confused Oikawa wonders why you're staring at him with a weird face. Not until he looks into the mirror that he sees, Matsukawa’s face staring back at him.

Futakuchi- Stitches

-Futakuchi is someone who would break a rule and go all the way around the subject to throw off as much blame as possible.

-His quirk isn’t all that special to him, but others would find it pretty useful or cool. Sometimes when he’s really irritated with his teammates he stitches their feet to the ground. He gets detention and has to spend it cleaning the gym floors by himself.

-He accidentally stitched your feet to the ground when you first met. It was mostly Koganegawa fault for moving out of the way and you so happened to be standing right behind him. Tripping you fell out of your shoes and flat on your face.

-Aone nudged him forward in order to apologize and ever since then you both kept talking with each other. Even skipping out on the guys to eat with you on the rooftop.

- Little dates here and there before he had the courage to officially ask you out. Giving you small gifts in between class periods that he hand crafts in each class.

-He’s all talk, especially in bed. This man’s quirk went off when your hand brushed up against his bulge. Took a while to release yourself from his thread, it takes a week before he could even look you in the eye again.

-He settled with giving you oral instead, he loves the expressions on your face when you moan for more.

Bokuto- Soaring Parliament

-To be quite honest he followed the quirk rules pretty well, until he starts thinking too hard on a topic and completely forgets. 

-He takes pride in his volleyball skills and quirk usage. Whenever he said his quirk name out loud he never could associate it with his owl wings. Until Akaashi explained to him that a parliament is a group of owls and his wings look like they had three owl faces on each wing.

-Bokuto knew you since you were on the girl’s volleyball team, a libero. One day they let the both of the teams practice together and he had zero to no filter on asking you out. Even if you were in the back row and were receiving balls.

-Any where you went he held your hand, walking to class, lunch or going home together. There was no time or place anyone at Fukurodani didn’t see you two hanging off each other.

-Down feathers are found scattered around his room and if you're lucky enough his mom might show you his baby photos. His baby photos consist of him smiling in each picture in cute little outfits.

-Making out was usually slow and sensual, but sometimes it can get pretty sloppy when he’s heated. Like when he came back from summer training and hastily kissed and pinned your small frame to the bed.

-His wing size is pretty big for a horned owl and they pop out whenever you guys indulge in sexual favors. Riding him requires him to sit up since his bed is next to the wall and his wings get really uncomfortable.

Ushijima- Nature Speaker

-Ushijima follows the rules without even knowing he was doing it. Kind of forgetful when it comes to quirk rules.

-His quirk described by his mother is the Greek twins, Flora and Fauna. He calls it like it is a nature speaker, someone who can get on a speaking level of the non human language.

-Scared his dad one day when he saw his son talking to the neighbors cat.

-That’s kind of how you two met when your dog came running up to him. You were so scared that might hurt him, but soon calmed down when your dog sat himself down in front of the tall man. They had a long staring contest before your dog slowly trotted back over to you with the man.

-On closer inspection you recognized the man from school and he was much taller when presented in front of you.

-Ushijima unraveled to you that your dog wasn’t feeling good. He gave you directions to a vet that was actually pretty good at handling their animals.

-You two met again through Tendou(he was playing matchmaker) he left you both in the library. You would be surprised how much you and Ushijima got along. 

-He uses his quirk whenever you guys wanna have fun, like at the park and two birds are hoping around each other. He tells you that the bread crumbs on the ground taste like absolute shit. 

-Eyes widened when he actually cursed.

- Fingering was always rough on your end, until you vocalized why he should prepare you first before just sticking them in.

-His quirk doesn’t really act up when he engages in sex, but he did come pretty early when you gave him head one time.

Kita- Aura

-Kita has never broken a quirk law, he believes it brings more bad habits later on in life. 

-His quirk manifested at an early age of 4, he just thought everyone had the same vision as himself. Until he asked his grandma why the clerk at the store always had dark red surrounding them. Turns out the guy had issues with his manager, he never got the full story.

-It explains why he can read people so easily, but like Ushijima he has no filter when he talks to someone and just gives the full truth.

-He’s in the same class as you and takes a really close notice when your aura changes from whatever color you just had to light pastel pink. It only happened when you were around him.

-He wasn’t stupid, so he decided to ask you out between classes. After that you two were always seen together before and after classes. Aran had to ask one of his classmates to walk home with him, so he wouldn’t feel like a third wheel

-His quirk never acted up whenever he had sex with you, even when he was balls deep inside your pussy.

-Kita is a caring lover in and out of bed, even goes the extra steps of carrying you to the bathroom to take a bath.

[walviemort]

Fairy Godfather, part 3

Summary: The fairies have asked a monumental favor of Killian: be the surrogate for their babies—all nine of them. He’s been pregnant before, but this? This is a whole other level. What has he gotten himself into? And just how big will he get?

A/N: Another update! Thank you to @sancocnutclub​ for her continued encouragement...which will be very apparent in part 4 ;)

rated T / 2.4k words / part 1 / part 2 / AO3

Though he had just passed the first trimester mark in this oversized pregnancy, Killian was pleased to find he was not lacking in the energy department. Granted, his first pregnancy had been similar—he’d had the most energy during the second trimester, despite the increasing size of his belly.

But his belly was a fraction of the size back then. Now, at 13 weeks, it was much closer to the size he’d been at 35 weeks with Hope. But he had yet to slow down—as evidenced by his and Emma’s morning activities; he was even on top.

There was no denying his present form was bulky, but he’d been too fatigued at this size with Hope to do much but sleep and eat. That was not a problem now, and both he and Emma were reaping the benefits. Reaching orgasm while she was caressing his bump? It was impossible to describe how amazing that felt.

However, he’d hardly finished when Hope began to cry out from her nursery. As much as he was still feeling good, moving did take a bit more effort than it had. This bump also weighed as much as his last one, and was only going to get heavier; at least it hadn’t dropped yet. But it meant that Emma was still quicker to her feet than he was, and sprang up to retrieve their 13 month old before she tried to climb out of her crib on her own.

Hope finally figured out walking a month or so ago—just in time for her first birthday—and he was well aware of the comical sight he’d made at her party, chasing after her with his protruding stomach. But at least he still could, even if he got winded more quickly than he’d like. 

Tink had been snickering at him during one such moment. “Hey,” he chastised and patted the bump. “Your kid is in here, so I’d watch the mocking when it comes to running after mine.”

“That’s fair,” she’d conceded. “Just let me know when you need help, though—I’ll gladly go after the little hellion.”

“I’ll hold you to it.”

They hadn’t needed her help yet, but it was only a matter of time—especially by the sound of tiny but insistent footsteps that were getting faster every day as they ran down the hallway. 

“Dada!” her little voice called out as she charged into the room and threw herself against his legs as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“How’s my little cygnet today?” he enthusiastically replied as he bent down to pick her up. He had to open his legs to make room for the bump, but it was still an achievable feat, and Hope giggled as she flew into the air and the curled in as he carefully tucked her into his side. 

After a brief cuddle, she squirmed for him to set her down on the mattress, and gave his bump a gentle pat. “Hi babies,” she said (or tried to; some of those sounds were still being worked on). She’d noticed the bump a few weeks ago, once it had really started popping out. They couldn’t tell if she actually understood what was going on—and were glad she was young enough to not have to explain it—but she was at least careful and affectionate. 

He just hoped that continued as she grew steadier on her feet—and he grew larger and less so. 

Hope tucked herself back into Killian’s side and Emma sat down on the other. “This is a pretty perfect morning,” she sighed as she laid her head in his bare shoulder. “Do I really have to go into work?”

“I’m of the same opinion—but wasn’t Tiger Lily coming for training today?” She was the fairy who’d offered to take over his deputy duties once he no longer could—and he had a hunch she'd be an acceptable long-term hire. 

“Yeah,” she complained. “Just wish it could wait another day.”

“Or,” he suggested, “we get through today and then we can spend tomorrow in a similar manner.”

“I like the way you think,” she replied, then pulled him in for a kiss. 

He set Hope down on the bed, where she proceeded to tackle the pillows, and went about the process of getting dressed. His sleep pants still fit, although they were reaching the point where they were almost too snug on his hips, which had definitely widened more than last time. 

Thankfully, his maternity jeans were as stretchy as ever, and he hadn’t yet exceeded their capacity; the elastic panel hugged his belly comfortably as he slipped them on. 

Emma had bought him a collection of soft, short-sleeved t-shirts a size larger than he typically wore, and one of those slipped on easily, but the bump still stood prominently under navy cotton. Hopefully, they made these in several larger sizes. 

They stopped at Granny’s before heading to their respective workplaces for the day, and Killian consumed a larger stack of pancakes than he’d like to admit; good thing Belle took his measurements yesterday. At least there was also a generous side of fresh fruit. 

When he and Hope arrived at the library, he was only semi-surprised to see Blue there; she seemed to be showing up once a month or so to check in, but today had another goal. 

“Would you be okay with getting an ultrasound?” she asked. 

That was shocking. “Sure,” he said, “but will it be okay for them?” he countered, rubbing his belly. Inside, they seemed to be fluttering nervously. 

“If it’s fine for a human baby, it should be for them. It’s just—I see all these thorough notes and comparisons, and I’m curious what that would reveal.”

“Whale says he has an opening,” Belle added, phone in hand. “Shall we?”

They did, and headed out en masse to make the short walk to the hospital. At least, it should have been short, but Hope insisted on walking on her own and Killian’s pace wasn’t as fast as it normally was. 

Whale met them in the waiting room when they arrived, though, an eager look on his face. “Wondered if I'd see you this time around,” he greeted. “I’ve gotta say—I’m pretty curious about this.”

“Aren’t we all,” Killian answered dryly, bracing his hook against his lower back. 

“Come on; let’s take a peek in there,” Whale beckoned, and led them to an exam room. 

Killian passed Hope off to Blue and began the process of climbing up on the exam table; again—he was doing fine on the energy front, but a large bump was a large bump, and it not only was an obstacle to his mobility, but he was carrying around some weight he hadn’t been 13 weeks ago (and in more places than just the bump).

But he managed to get up there and lifted up his shirt without prompting; he knew the drill. During his seemingly arduous climb, Whale had been looking over Belle’s notes from both pregnancies. “Damn,” he commented. “I think your notes are more detailed than my charts.”

“That’s not reassuring,” Killian called out; Whale just chuckled and moved to ready the ultrasound machine while Belle rolled her eyes and readied her pen. 

Killian had forgotten how cold the gel was, but he got over it quickly as Whale began to move the probe over his (thankfully stretch mark-free) stomach. 

“Well I’ve never seen that before,” Whale said after a bit, and everyone focused on the screen. 

“I thought those were only in black and white?” Belle asked. 

“They are,” Whale confirmed. 

And yet, as the tiny images of multiple babies appeared on the screen, each one was showing up in a different color—the color of the orbs they started as. Tink’s green stood out front and center, but as Whale moved the probe over the dome that was Killian’s abdomen, all the other colors showed up, except—

“Where’s mine?” Blue asked, understandably worried.��

“Hmm,” Whale hummed, investigating. “One, two,” he started counting, finding 8 that were easily visible. “But it looks like…” He pressed harder on Killian’s belly, to the point of discomfort, but he didn’t complain—not when Blue looked so worried. 

“Yeah, there’s definitely one hiding in there,” Whale said. “I just can’t zero in. There’s some color bleeding through, though…”

And in between a pink-hued and navy-hued fetus, a bit of bright blue was visible. Blue sighed in relief. “Yeah, she’s just being stubborn,” Whale assured her. “You can probably blame it on Hook.”

“Hey!” he protested, but Belle’s snicker suggested she agreed.

“Anyways—from a development standpoint, yeah, I’d put you right at 13 weeks, although probably half the size. Were it a normal pregnancy, I’d guess you’d only go to 30 weeks or so, for safety—but I’m guessing that won’t be the case here?”

“No,” Blue said. “He’ll go all the way to full term.”

Whale whistled. “Thank goodness they’re small then.”

Several copies of the sonogram were printed off—as mysteriously colorful as they were on screen—with Killian taking one, another going in Belle’s notebook, and the rest going with Blue. There was some discussion of doing another ultrasound at the second trimester, but it was ultimately deemed unnecessary.

Whale bid them adieu but they lingered in the room, if only because it took Killian a bit to clean off the gel (he hated the way it got caught in the bit of hair on his stomach). Belle was wrangling the kids, but Blue was staring at the pictures, almost in awe. 

“You were worried, weren’t you?” Killian asked softly. “That she wasn’t there.”

“Yes,” Blue admitted. “It’s rare, but sometimes, they don’t all take. And I’ve just—I’ve waited so long for this.”

“I understand.” It had taken him and Emma quite some time to conceive Hope, and obviously they required assistance. 

“I guess I’ll just have to be patient,” she sighed. 

“Aye,” he agreed. “But—” He placed his hand on the top of his bump and furrowed his brow in concentration. “I’m almost positive she’s kicking my bladder at the moment.”

It drew the polite chuckle he was going for, but also meant he needed to excuse himself. Blue also took that moment to take her leave, but not without an emphatic thank-you.

He had to admit, as he shuffled off to the bathroom—he’d definitely been resentful of this arrangement to an extent. But seeing Blue’s genuine emotions there at the prospect of parenthood made that feeling dissipate. 

He was sure he’d have a mountain of complaints by the end of this, but being able to grant so many others the joys he’d found as a parent—that would be worth it. 

------------------------------------------------------

At 16 weeks, he hit the same measurements he had when he was at full term with Hope (literally those of the day before he’d gone into labor). But the bump still sat high on his frame. “I wonder if whatever magic is preventing stretch marks is also holding it aloft,” he quipped as he traced the curve of his belly. 

“It’s entirely possible,” Belle concurred. “Look at the difference.” In addition to measured data, she also had photographic documentation of his various milestones in both pregnancies; comparing the picture she’d just taken on her phone to the one from right before Hope entered the world, it was plain to see the similarities in how much they extended in front of him, but the difference in where it sat on his body. 

“We’ll see how long it lasts, though.”

In answer to his theory, he got another few weeks before things began to sit lower, though his stomach continued it’s outward expansion—a couple centimeters every week. But by his 17th week, he finally started feeling the pull of gravity and had to dig out the belly band he’d relied on the last month or so with Hope. 

But he soon noticed another issue. While he remembered what it was like to not be able to see his feet, and had gotten used to the obstacle about his midsection, he wasn’t prepared for it to stick out even more. 

Case in point: one morning during his 18th week, when he was attempting to surprise Emma with breakfast (usually she rose first, but a flurry of activity in his belly had woken him early). However, he was a bit farther from the stove than he was used to, as well as the cabinets, and he kept knocking into the chairs around the table; Hope was watching him from her own high chair in amusement, far more interested in his slapstick endeavor than her cereal. 

“What’s going on?” Emma’s sleepy voice asked after he cursed at nearly burning his belly on the oven. 

“Nothing,” he huffed, rubbing the spot on his bump that was just a bit too warm. “Just a failed attempt at treating my amazing wife.”

She glanced around, then smiled. “You were trying to make me breakfast but then your belly got in the way?”

“Aye,” he sighed. 

She walked over to him and pulled him into a hug—from the side, since she already couldn’t get close enough from the front—and turned his face towards her to kiss him. “You’re too sweet,” she said, tucking herself into his side. “And you treated me plenty last night,” she added in a low voice; he swallowed at the memory of their shared moment—probably one of the last times he’d be able to make love on top for a while, unless they got creative with the logistics, but dammit, he did it, and it was amazing. 

“I can finish this up; take a seat, okay?”

“I should be able to do this, though,” he complained. 

“And you will—in 5 months or so. But I told you I’d support you with this, so let me.”

He sighed again, but complied, and ignored the creak of his chair as he sat down (angled away from the table—he was also up a size in shirts, but his jeans were holding on…for now). “How did the gods see fit to bless this poor bastard with such an amazing woman?” he asked, watching the blush rise on her cheeks. 

“The same way they did for this lost girl,” she countered, then put a (heaping) plate in front of him. 

“I love you so much, Swan—thank you.”

She placed another kiss on his lips. “I love you too—always.”

Even if this wasn’t an ideal situation, he knew that he was blessed to have Emma at his side; he wouldn’t be able to get through this without her. 

-------------------------------------------------

thanks for reading! tagging @wyntereyez​ @jennjenn615​ @superadam54​ @ashley-knightingale​ @justsomewhump​ @teamhook​ @88infinity88​​ (let me know if you want a tag!)

[jaehyunspeachparty]

1.16

"Hi, an americano and a vanilla latte with oat milk and a dash of stevia and chocolate sprinkles on top." Hyunjin stood at the SM Cafe and ordered his usual order. The only thing he didn't know was that Jaemin was behind him and didn't liked this at all. Actually, Hyunjin just made a simple order, but from special order, Jaemin could tell that the vanilla latte was for Miga. Only she drank coffee like that. He had already noticed that Hyunjin was somehow more focused on Jaehyun, that he was making a lot of effort and he often saw Miga around him. Hyunjin didn’t see Jaemin because he scurried quickly to the entrance where Miga was already coming. "You don't always have to buy me coffee. You should save your money." Miga grinned and looked up at him with wide eyes. They would love to kiss, but they were still out in public and no one at SM should notice that they were dating. "Stop saying that every day. I want to do this." Hyunjin smiled and would like to pull Miga to him. But from a distance Jaemin looked at them and he saw immediately that something was going on between the two. And he didn't like it at all. He felt so many emotions and he knew that he shouldn't feel them. She was the 19-year-old daughter of one of his best friends. But still he felt so much in him. "Are you here today?", Hyunjin asked, but Miga shook her head. "No, I'm going to continue shooting the drama. I think it will be late today. See you at the weekend?", Miga then asked, eyes wide. Hyunjin grinned and nodded. "How I would love to kiss you right now," he then whispered. "I feel the same way," Miga whispered as well. But in the corner of her eye she could see her father coming. She immediately jumped away and Hyunjin knew immediately what was going on. He moved to the side fast and made his way to the training room. "Miga, what are you wearing?" Jaehyun folded his arms and wasn't happy with his daughter's outfit. Miga wore a white silk dress that was really very short. In any case, she got all the attention. "Dad, don't make a drama, I'll have to change on set anyway." Miga grinned and knew exactly that she could do anything with her father. In contrast to her brothers, Jaehyun was strict about them, but with Miga he knew no rules. "That is far too short." He crossed his arms and shook his head. "Daddyyyy, I don't have anything else with me and we're going to the set anyway." Miga looked at him with big eyes and Jaehyun couldn't do anything but give in. "Okay, but then I don't want to see the dress again." "It's okay," Miga then said, but of course she lied. 

Sunoh went shopping with Geon that day. He soon went to Tokyo to visit Chichi. It was her birthday soon and he still needed a present for her. Since he wanted to spend more time with his little brother and Geon liked to go shopping, he took him with him. "What do you want to give her?", Geon asked him as they walked through the streets. "I really don't know. It must be special because ..." Sunoh stopped and his heart began to pound. He missed her so much that he decided to confess his love to her when he visits her in Japan. "Oh no ..." Geon paused for a moment and swallowed. Sunoh just didn't know what was happening, but he noticed that Geon was scared. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asked his little brother. "Let's go fast." Geon looked at him scared and when Sunoh looked at the street, he saw a couple of boys from the same school. They were in the same class as Miga and Sunoh now understood what was going on. "Yes you are right, we should go. Come on." Sunoh wanted to cross the street with his brother, the boys were there before the two of them could go. "Hey, you're Miga's brothers." The one guy, he looked strong, but was smaller than Sunoh, stepped forward. "That's none of your business," hissed Sunoh. Geon looked back and forth between the boys uncertainly and knew nothing good could happen. "When is your sweet sister coming back, little one?" This time the guy turned to Geon. Sunoh stood protectively in front of his little brother and was ready for anything. "We heard what she did with Soori and Byungjoon and wow ... your sister is nasty ..." The guy winked and Sunoh felt so much anger inside himself. "Sunoh not...," Geon whispered from behind him. He knew that Sunoh had a very uncontrollable anger. "I think she doesn't tell her brother that. But she had a threesome with the two in the library," the guy continued and the others laughed. Sunoh understood slowly now. Suddenly he now knew why his sister no longer wanted to go to school. Something didn't fit. He was just so busy with his problems with Chichi that he didn't realize that his sister was going through a really difficult time. "Sunoh, come on, let's go," Geon continued, pulling on his big brother's sweater. But Sunoh only saw red. "I would also like to taste her sweet pussy." The guy clearly provoked Sunoh and it worked. He ran up to him and punched the guy. The guy was extremely surprised that Sunoh was stronger than he looked, so he was inferior at the beginning. But the next moment his friends came in and started beating Sunoh. Geon stood aside and cried, he didn't know what to do and was incredibly scared. And in the next moment only police syrens could be heard.

"We managed the first week of shooting, time to have a drink." The producer comes to the actors with a bottle of Soju and his assistant hands out glasses. "Not for me, I still have to drive," said Jaehyun and smiled politely. "Then your daughter has to drink for you too," said the producer with a smile. Miga already drank the first shot and her boss refilled her glass. "Careful, my princess." Jaehyun warned her and the others waved them off. "Don't worry Daddy," joked a colleague and punched Jaehyun lightly in the shoulder. "Hey, you always have to worry about a daughter." "Nonsense, Sunoh and Kiwoo also cause problems," Miga said and grinned. And as if she knew what happened, his phone rang at that moment. Jaehyun got up when he saw your name and took a few steps to the side. In the corner of his eye he saw how Miga, Jaemin and the others continued to drink and the next bottle of Soju was opened. "Hey," he answered and smiled gently. He missed you and he hoped that he could continue working with you on your "Baby" project today. "Sunoh has been arrested," your voice was panicked and Jaehyun could tell that you weren't home. "What?" "He fought with a couple of guys from his school. Geon was with him." "What why?" "I don't know either, but Geon and Sunoh begged me that Miga shouldn't come here. So if you come, please don't take Miga with you." "What about Kiwoo?" "He's with Johnny." "Okay okay. I'll be on my way right away. Send me the address." Jaehyun couldn't believe what he was hearing now. But he knew his son and he knew that Sunoh had a reason to fight with someone else. "Are you okay?", Miga asked when she saw her father come back to the group with empty eyes. "I have to clear something. Jaemin, can you take Miga to your home today, I can't take her home." Jaehyun turned to his friend, who looked at him in shock. "Uh what?" Jaemin didn't think the idea was that great. "Our home is so far away that a taxi will hardly take her and she can sleep on your couch." "Daddy what's up?" Miga realized, even in her drunkenness, that something was wrong. "I'll tell you everything tomorrow. I just want you to be safe," he said, packing his things. "So Jaemin?" "Okay, okay ..." Jaemin felt the alcohol himself. He didn't want to see Miga since he realized that she had something with another guy and his thoughts were just more confused. "Thanks! I have to go." Jaehyun ran off, leaving his daughter behind in the trust of his friend.

"Fuck Miga, why do you have to drink so much?" Jaemin propped her up in his apartment and he had problems with his balance himself. "Everything is fine. I have everything under control." Miga wanted to go alone, but she was about to stumble. Jaemin caught her and decides to carry the girl into the apartment. It was easier that way and they got home faster. He unlocked the door and put her on the bed. "I'll make us some coffee," said Jaemin then and went to the kitchen. Miga sat in bed and looked at him. Her need for him was so great and she wanted him so badly. It pained her that she couldn't have him. Why did their love have to be so complicated? "Have a drink here," said Jaemin coldly as he handed her the cup of coffee. He hardly dared to look at her, because her dress had slipped up so far that you could almost see more. "Why are you like this?" She then asked and looked up at Jaemin. "You've been ignoring me most of the day." "I don't ..." Jaehyun sat on the edge of the bed and drank his espresso. "Yes ..." Miga put the coffee aside and turned so that she could see Jaemin better. Suddenly he sighed and went to bed. "You are dating Hyunjin." Jaemin sighed and held his forehead. "Is someone jealous?" She asked, kneeling next to him. "No, but I don't understand what you want from a kid like him. I thought you'd get more a..." Jaemin bit his lip. "You mean, that I would get a real men like you?" Miga giggled and now propped an arm next to Jaemin's upper body so that she was bent over him. "No, I ..." Jaemin stroked his hair and the alcohol didn't make him think anymore. "I just think you need someone who can give you everything." He put his hand on her lower back and he saw in the reflection of the window that her tight dress slowly slide up. It made way too much in him and he felt a cold hiss through his veins. "You can give me everything." She smiled and enjoyed his hand on her body. It was what she needed, what she asked for. "No, I didn't mean that. Miga about us ..." He gave his hand away and it almost hurts her even more. And slowly she got tired of this game, she didn't want any more, she wanted him. "Just because I'm younger? Why does everyone always assume that I don't know anything? I am very well aware of my feelings. I know what I want. I am an adult. I feel as much love, lust and passion as you do." She looks at him with wide eyes and Jaemin was missing the words. He looked at her and saw only Miga. Miga who wasn't 19 years old, Miga who wasn't Jaehyun's daughter. But Miga, who, like him, loves vintage films, who has a big heart, who has the same job, who was just as passionate about things as he was, who loves the idea of having a family, who was intelligent ... who was just perfect for him. Jaemin took her hand and that was enough for her. Her face came closer to his and the next moment he was sitting upright with her on his lap. He stroked her bare legs while her arms were around his shoulders. Their lips touched wildly and the kiss was a relief for both of them. It was what they both wanted, what they both missed. Only this time they were alone. Nobody could disturb or interrupt them. Jaemin pulled the straps of her dress over her shoulder and when he saw the contures of her breasts he had to pause. "Are you okay?" She asked, stroking his hair. "Yeah, you're just driving me crazy," he breathed and stroked her waist. Miga smiled and pulled her hands out of the straps and pulled her dress down further. "No bra," said Jaemin. "No bra," Miga confirmed and grinned. She pulled him back to her and kissed him. And that night both didn't really know what they were getting into. They were limited to themselves and nobody knew what would happen that night.

providentia masterlist

daddy jaehyun masterlist

[onlynight-onlylight]

The Dawn Before Sunrise is The Darkest of All

Words: 6,1K

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader / You, slight Namjoon x Reader / You, Jungkook

Genre: Fluff, Angst -- back and forth timeline, breakup, Namjoon & Jungkook are muscle bros, cute Jungkook for help

Summary: Small misunderstanding leads you to big mistake. You never thought it will make you lose him. He’s gone without a goodbye. It’s a bad bye.

Playlist suggestion: RM ft eAeon - Badbye, RM - Trivia: Love, Heize ft Giri Boy (Prod SUGA) - We Don’t Talk Together, Pink Sweat$ - At My Worst

Note: I want to try something different but I’m not sure if this is a success or failure. Lol. I put small amount of angst in here, hmm maybe a little too much compare to my other writings. But yeah, I’m trying new things. And happy birthday Yoongi! What Yoongi wants what Yoongi gets!

You sigh. You stand in front of your wardrobe. There’s visible contrast between your clothes and his. You can feel the pain on your chest. For the love you let go, you live like in hell for a month. You have no reason to live right after he walks out of your life. No calls, no messages, no news from him. You hate him. But then, you worry something might happen to him more. You grab the sleeve of his long coat.

“Where’d you go?”

[January]

 “Stay” Yoongi whispers with his eyes closed.

“We have to get ready”

“Ten minutes. Just stay like this for ten minutes”

You grant his wish and stay on the bed with him. You lie patiently on your back. He sleeps while facing you, hugging you on the waist.

“When we arrive at your home, I will barely hold you for the next two days”

You caress his face and he leans to you.

“They know we live together, maybe this time they will let you sleep with me instead of staying in guest room”

“Nah, your father won’t let me”

“But he likes you”

Yoongi opens his eyes. His sleepiness is gone and leaves him with laziness.

“It doesn’t mean he wants a man to sleep with his daughter under his nose”

You laugh after hearing Yoongi’s comment. He always has something to say and it hits home. Your father indeed likes Yoongi. They can talk for hours while your mom and you are preparing food. But sleeping together or showing skinship are whole different things for him.

“Did he say something to you?”

“Hmm…”

Yoongi pretends to think. You know there’s something between the two men after your last visit. Both of them seem to want it staying as secret. He supports his head with his right hand and looks at me with serious face.

“You don’t have to know”

“Ugh. Did you guys plan something fishy?”

Yoongi’s face comes closer to you. Being together for a year doesn’t make you less affected by him and his aura. Even he looks so casual and cute after waking up, your heart can’t help but to beats faster.

“Yes. We plan something fishy like fishing on the sea next month without you” he whispers while teasing you.

“No way, Dad won’t leave me behind” you whisper back to him.

“Yes way” he says before kissing you.

 It starts slow and steady. The ten minutes requested by Yoongi has passed but you don’t really care. You have enough time to get ready before 1 night and 2 days trip for Lunar New Year to your parents’ home. His fingers touch your skin softly under your t-shirt.

“Yoongs”

Yoongi stops kissing you and puts smirk on his face.

“We should stop, right? We can’t let your parents waiting” he says before kissing your forehead and gets up. You can hear his laugh when he walks away.

“Min Yoongi!”

  You stay on your bed, looking at the ceiling. Somehow, you feel more tired after waking up. You may expertise in taking a deep breath now. It helps you holding in your tears. Your phone ringing shatters your scrambling thoughts. You don’t want to let your hope up but deep inside, you pray you’ll hear something from him in every single call or text anyone made to you.

 “Hey, you’re awake?”

“Hmm. Any good news?”

You hear nothing for two seconds before he answers. You know he carefully picks his words.

“I’m sorry but I have nothing for that. But Mom tells you to come today. Dad just bought a fresh tuna this morning, randomly. So, we’ll have sushi party”

“Joon, I-“

“This is a compulsory, no refusal is accepted. I’ll come at ten so get yourself a good bath and breakfast”

“Okay, thanks Joon”

“It’s nothing. See you”

You’re not moving from your previous position for another 5 minutes before getting ready. You look at your pictures with Yoongi, smiling widely to each other.

“I miss you”

 On the other side, Namjoon exhale a deep breath. He massages his temple. Honestly, it pains him to see you like this. You look soulless and pale, your smile never reaches your eyes. He keeps you on his watch because he’s worry, because no Yoongi is around for you. He sips on his morning coffee and open the message app. There’s one particular message that he keeps coming back to.

 N: Do you love her?

Y: I do. You know I love her more than anything, even my own life

N: Then stop torturing her

N: If you can’t make her happy, I will.

 *

 Namjoon smiles when he sees you. He hugs you when you arrive at his car. He’s the one who knows the whole story between Yoongi and you.

“Come on, the tuna is waiting” he says, making you smile.

 You and Namjoon are friends for the last 3 years. Joining the book club at the city library might be the best decision you made that year because you met Joon there. You were amazed at his choice on books and the thoughts after reading it. You always know he is the smartest man you’ve met. He surprises you more when he said he also makes music and writes his own lyrics. There’s no such thing as a perfect man in real life, it’s only happened in drama. But then Namjoon exists to prove you wrong.

 You spent more time with Joon outside the book club. He treated you so well like the gentleman he was. After knowing each other for a year, he often took you to his studio. Just when you thought you have a crush on him, you met Yoongi. Joon were working on collaboration projects with two talented artists, Hoseok and Yoongi. You saw it somewhere in the online community website that the infamous three rappers would do a collaboration series by spoiler from RM. It was definitely huge thing and everyone was waiting with high expectation. As you figured that Joon was RM, you notice that Hoseok was J-Hope and Yoongi was SUGA. After that, you often met them at Joon’s studio and got closer.

 “So, Mom and Dad are trying to be Japanese sushi chefs right now, with Jungkook as their assistant. Basically, they trust Jungkook and his youtube’s manual”

You laugh with him. You can imagine the situation of his parent’s house right now.

“He’ll be saying ‘you can trust me on this’ while watching how to slice tuna belly on youtube”

“That’s exactly what happened”

You feel thankful to Namjoon. He’s not giving you the pity looks that you’ve got from others. He’s the first person you ask when Yoongi went missing. But Yoongi is not in Joon’s studio or home. You also come to Hoseok’s place but he’s just as clueless as you.

 *

 “Welcome! Welcome!” shouts Jungkook when you step inside the house. You can’t help but laugh at him. Mr. & Mrs. Kim come out from the kitchen and strike a pose with Jungkook. They wear similar scarf on their head and black apron on their waist. You clap your hand excitedly and make them feel proud.

“Let’s move to the dining table before Jungkook eats them all. He keeps making excuses that the cutting line is not good enough before dump them to his mouth”

“Mom, I want to give Y/N noona the best sushi only”

“Do you believe that?” asks Joon to you.

“I highly doubt it”

Your answer makes Jungkook looks at you with his large doe eyes. Before he can protest, Mr. Kim rushes us to go and get ready to eat.

 Y/N noona is fine. Looks tired but still fine. Hope you’re here with us.

Message sent

  [D-30]

 You sit lazily on his sofa, seeing he works hard through his back. You can hear him humming to his new song. You smile to yourself, enjoying this Yoongi. When you come to his studio, he always let you to hang around. He will ask your opinion to the music he made, but it’s never love songs. You, once, asked him why he never let you hear any of his love songs. You remember he smiled.

‘Remember when I accidentally stand behind you when you write? What did you do then?’

‘I tell you to not look because it’s not finished yet and… I’m too shy to let you, the source of my idea watching me work’

‘That works the same with my love songs. I can’t present it to you unfinished’

He is working on his mixtape which will be released a month from now. He wants it to be perfect so he does it very carefully.

 “Babe”

“Hm?”

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“Just order the food and eat here, okay? I’ll be finished soon” he says. But he has been saying the same thing for an hour and half now.

“Okay, but you’ll have to eat with me”

“I can’t, baby. I’ll eat later”

You stand and walk to him. He has no intention to get rest even for a minute. You know this is very important for him, but you don’t like to see him having lack of sleep. You know he’s been skipping meals on most days but he won’t tell you that.

“Stop skipping meals… at least when I am here, will you?” you say, almost whispering. You want him to do as you say but you don’t want to argue with him. Not when he needs much time to focus.

His fingers stop working. He sighs and turns his attention to me. He looks tired.

“I’ll try my best to eat and sleep between the breaks, okay?”

He tries to reassure you and you can only nod.

“I know Joon snitching to you, but he’s just exaggerating”

 Yoongi stands up and opens his arms for you. You settle yourself on his embrace. He’s the one who sets you in worry, but he’s also the one who can put you at ease. Yoongi is your person. You never feel this way with other people including your exes. He is special.

“Let’s just go home, then eat and cuddle. I can always overtime start tomorrow anyway”

You just give him your bright smile as approval and making him showing you his gummy smile. You always think you are perfect for each other.

  Sera waves her hand in front of you, pulling you back to the current time. The time with no Yoongi around you, the time that pains you much.

“Eat more, okay?”

“I will”

You take another spoon of rice and continue to eat. Your colleagues resume the conversation. You try to keep up with them and give responses.

“Will Namjoon pick you up again today?” ask Hyojoon.

“No, he’s busy. Why, you miss him already?” tease you to her. She blushes and it looks cute to you.

“It’s not like that” defends her.

You and Sera laugh, satisfied with her reaction.

“It’s fine. Namjoon is attractive man, it’s very normal to put your interest in him. I can promote him to you all day long if you want”

“Y/N~”

They know about Yoongi and they always try to help you in any way. Sometimes you can feel their pity but they try their best to hide it. You still feel grateful to have them.

“But honestly Y/N, have you and Namjoon, you know, crush on each other?” asks Sera.

“I think I admire him a lot since early of our friendship. But I don’t think we have that romantic feeling”

“Hmm you sure?” asks Hyojoon.

“Why are you asking? You really like Namjoon, huh?”

“I… I find him very attractive but I always feel he looks at you differently so…”

You only smile before responding to her.

“I have Yoongi, don’t you remember?”

  [D-15]

 Two weeks flies so fast for Yoongi, but feels so long for you. You barely meet him while living under the same roof. He is back when you sleep. Sometimes, you both greet each other in the morning, on the way to work for you and sleep for Yoongi. Other times, you don’t even talk. Yoongi often goes back to home looks annoyed. You can see his frustration and sour mood. He tells you to visit him less because he needs his full attention on his work. And now, he’s been sleeping on the studio for 3 days straight. You prepare his clothes and some snack so he can focus on working because you know how precious music for him. You want the best for him even though it may hurt you in the process.

 You are a meter away from his studio’s door when it’s suddenly opened. You see Suran going out.

“Oh, Y/N!” Suran greets you cheerily, then hugs you.

“How are you, onni?” you ask. It’s been long time to see her after Yoongi’s first mixtape. You envy her for being great singer and work together with your boyfriend.

“I’m busy, but not as busy as your man”

We both laugh as knowing how Yoongi is.

“Are you working for this mixtape too?”

She shakes his head, and then stands closer to me.

“Yoongi is working another song for me, it will be on my album. But this is top secret so…”

She pretends to zip her mouth and asks me to do the same. She, then, cups my face and look at me so dearly.

“You’re so cute. Now, I won’t take your time, go lovey dovey with the lover boy”

 You just laugh then wave at her. You punch the code of his studio’s door and come in.

“Do you leave something behind, noona?” ask Yoongi with bright tones. The tones that you haven’t heard for days.

You just stand there with a backpack of Yoongi’s clothes and other bag full of snacks. You try processing the studio’s appearance. You spot his jacket on the chair next to him, blanket on the sofa, cans of beer on the table with lipstick stain on some. To mistaken you for another woman mean you’re not the only girl who knows his password. The password he used to keep as secret.

 As I’m not answering his question, he looks back and finds me standing awkwardly.

“Oh, you came? I’m thinking of coming home early today”

You try to be calm and not to dwell on things that might be not happened.

“Baby, are you okay?”

You put both of your luggage down. The tears are pooling on your eyes, threatening to fall. You can see Yoongi walks to you and you unconsciously take one step back. He stops and be on alert.

“I…”

Your voice won’t come out. The tears speak for you instead. Yoongi takes another step closer. You hold out your hand, telling him to stop. You really don’t want to hurt him with your harsh words when you can’t even think.

“I didn’t do anything that would hurt you, please don’t doubt me”

You try to stop the tears and listen to him but you’re too hurt to do that.

“We have to talk, I’ll answer all of your questions but you won’t listen to anything now”

Yoongi knows you very well. You both know you’re holding each other rage hidden to save this relationship. Fire and water. Yoongi is used to cool the hot-headed me down at most times. He puts my fire away when it becomes bigger and brings danger. But this time, it seems different. You can forgive anything but not cheating. You mention this to Yoongi on your early days together.

 You look at him in the eyes, tears keep streaming down your face. You can see worry on his face but his jaw tense as if he’s angry. Is it your fault? Aren’t you allowed to be jealous?

“I’m going” you say walking back to the door.

“Y/N”

His voice stops your hand from turning the door’s handle. He sighs and speaks slowly.

“I’m not coming home tonight, or until you want to listen to my side of story”

You choose to leave him. You choose to not listen to him. The person who understands you the most, who loves you the most. You know you’ll regret it once you clear your head but your ego is too big to realize. You’re out of his studio without looking back.

You stare blankly at your window. The lights from the others buildings and houses feel so far today. You wonder, is Yoongi in one of them? Is he okay? Is he… happy? Single tear escapes your eye. You don’t want to give up on him, you don’t want to let him go. But if letting him away from you brings him happiness then you have no other options.

You sigh. Your phone buzz, a message from Jungkook comes.

Noona, hyung is coming back

(Heize Returns with “We Don’t Talk Together” Produced by SUGA and Featuring Giri Boy)

You open the news link as fast as you can. You read the whole article in seconds.

“You’re alive. You’re okay. Thanks God”

Your emotion is coming out at once. The relief, happiness, sadness, rage, and other unidentified emotions are becoming one. Your mental can’t bear all of them so you’re breaking down. You’re crying hard. It’s even harder than the day you fail university exam in your mother’s arms.

“Why don’t you say anything? At least read my messages. I’m worried to death, Yoongi”

You open the messages you sent to him. All of them are left unread, even until now. The world may not know what happened, but Yoongi has been missing from your world, from your life.

You keep crying until you tired and sleep on the sofa. You don’t know that the number 1 on your message has gone. Yoongi read all of your message while you are sleeping.

Namjoon’s thumb hovers over the call button. He wants to check Y/N’s condition after seeing the news. Heize is a big singer in the industry so it’s impossible to Y/N not knowing this. Part of him feels guilty for being greedy over her, but he just hate to see her being like this. He searches another name on his contact and dial the number.

“Let’s meet”

“Yeah, I have something to talk too”

“Where do you want to meet, Yoongi?”

Jungkook slams the door open. He looks at her brother with rage. How can his brother pretend to not knowing anything about Yoongi’s whereabout to Y/N when he knows everything. As he lives together with his brother for a year now, he becomes close to his friends. He knows his brother treats Y/N differently but he never think of another reason than Y/N is the only woman on their group. He’s sure his brother has another motive now. Is Namjoon crushing on Y/N? Is he the one who makes them separated? How can he stand seeing Y/N hurt like that? Jungkook keeps trying to contact Yoongi’s phone but it always fails.

“Explain to me, no excuses”

“Okay, but you need to calm down and sit”

Namjoon take a deep breath before explaining everything to his little brother. Jungkook respects him a lot as brother and musician, but he also see Yoongi as his mentor in music.

“Y/N and Yoongi got into big fight two weeks before D-2 was released. Yoongi stressed about the album, thought fight wasn’t really necessary. But Y/N thought Yoongi didn’t care about her and choose to shut her out from his life”

Jungkook listens intently, he doesn’t want to miss anything.

“It was just misunderstanding but it was critical for their relationship. Suran explained it to Y/N as she was the key of the fight but at that time Yoongi has gone missing.”

“But I work in the same industry, I know he’s there. I get his new number from the company. He comes to see Y/N from a far sometimes. But I don’t want to be involved further in their relationship”

“I loved Y/N, I did. I always tried to impress her, to make her laugh. But that was before she met Yoongi. The time I see twinkle in her eyes when she saw Yoongi, I knew the game is over”

“Is it really over, hyung?”

“I thought it would. I promised myself to be her bestfriend wherever she needs me. But when Yoongi gone and seeing her world broke apart, I couldn’t just sit and watch her”

Jungkook remembers the last song his brother release 6 months ago. The love song named Trivia: Love. The project collaboration with Hoseok and Yoongi. He still loves her. The feeling doesn’t stop in the past. It’s growing without his brother knowing.

I’m just human. You erode all my corners and make me into love.

Though the distance between I and U is long

F*** JKLMNOPQRST

I crossed all the letters and reached you

Look, mine and yours also sound the same

Though that doesn’t make me you,

I’d like to be a part of your book

I’d like to get involved in your novel

as your lover

“Why is my genius brother becoming an idiot?” ask Jungkook.

Namjoon just laughs. He thanks Jungkook in his head as he’s no longer mad. To be honest, Jungkook is his biggest supporter to keep doing music. If Jungkook turns his back to him, he thinks he can’t go far.

“I’ll talk to Yoongi. I’ll make sure he gives what Y/N deserve to get”

*

Yoongi sits in the meeting room with Heize, Giri Boy and marketing team members. They monitor the public response after the collaboration articles are out. One screen shows the comments on news portal and the other shows view numbers and live comments on the music video. The feedback is super positive and it brings relief to the team. Yoongi feels proud to himself. There’s one particular person he wants to share this feeling right now. Someone important in his life that is even more important than the life itself.

“The mixtape is getting the attention too, that’s great” says the head of marketing team. Yoongi offers them his shy smile.

“Exposure is indeed great, but I hope they like the music”

“I’m sure they will. This is Min SUGA PD we’re talking about” says Heize that supported by others.

“If this keeps going up, then we should really make another project” adds the manager.

“Okay. Let’s wrap it up now and schedule the team dinner on the next Friday”

The meeting is dismissed and Yoongi rushes to go to somewhere. He prepares himself for the worst but he won’t give up. He can’t give up. He will hold her hand until the end. He will run after her. He won’t do the same mistake. He arrives at the park not far from his old studio. Namjoon is there, waiting for him. Namjoon is his bestfriend but he is also Y/N’s. He will understand if Namjoon wants to beat him to death.

“Joon”

“Yoongs”

“I’m sorry I’m being a jerk this past month, but I… I can’t let her go. I can’t give her to you”

“I know”

[D-Day]

You keep monitoring Yoongi’s agency updates for his mixtape. Today, the countdown is supposed to be D-2. Two days before you can finally meet Yoongi and talk about everthing. You know your close friends are aware that something happened between you and Yoongi but you think it will be okay soon. You sleep less, hoping to see him coming through the door. You endlessly open and close your phone, waiting for his text or call.

You get new notification, informing the newest mixtape is out now. It’s quite a surprise but it means good news. You can meet Yoongi sooner than you expect. Out of happiness, you try to call him. This will be the first call after the fight, after two weeks.

“Please answer the call”

“The number you are calling-“

You keep trying to call him but you keep connected to his mailbox. You send some messages but no response. You try, and then you wait. You keep doing it, but you can’t reach him. You grab you purse and leave the home.

You stand in front of his studio. The bad memories come back at you. You push the pass code slowly, thinking Yoongi is inside. Thinking that you can finally meet him makes you nervous. The door is open and you rush yourself to go in. But no one’s there. No Yoongi, not even his equipment. He’s gone.

Yoongi arrives at the park not far from his old studio. Namjoon is there, waiting for him. Namjoon is his bestfriend but he is also Y/N’s. He will understand if Namjoon wants to beat him to death.

“Joon”

“Yoongs”

“I’m sorry I’m being a jerk this past month, but I… I can’t let her go. I can’t give her to you”

“I know”

“I really want to punch you when I see your text, but I don’t want to start a game that I know I’m going to lose. I should’ve gone to the gym with you and Hoseok back then”

Namjoon shakes his head and smile.

“The feeling is mutual. I stop myself from beating you up because I don’t want her to hate me more than she hates you”

They both laugh. They are brother after all.

“Thank you for being there for her. I’m ashamed to admit this but I don’t deserve her. I see how she’s not being herself and it pains me”

“She’s not giving up on you”

“I know and that’s why I want to come back with a better version of me. So I can tell people that I deserve her, I can give her happiness”

“You include me in that ‘people’ category?” Namjoon asks.

“Number 1 on the list” Yoongi answers with laugh.

Both of them sit in the silence. Too many things come across their minds. This will be the closure for Namjoon’s unrequited love, while new beginning for Yoongi.

“Just don’t do the same mistake, Yoongs. I’ll take her from you if this shit happens in the future and you, you’ll be the one who can’t see and hear anything from her”

“I swear I won’t repeat the same mistake so you can go and fall in love with someone else, not mine”

*

You open your eyes. The sun has risen so high to remind you another day has come. You thank God when realize that today is Saturday. You can avoid people from your workplace curiosity about your puffy eyes. You look at your phone screen. You really want to call him again but you’re afraid of the failure this time. You turn it on and open the lock. Almost every one you know sends you message but nothing from him. You have no energy to cry, so you just put it back and leave to the bathroom.

An hour later, you sit on your sofa again with you light lunch. You remember Namjoon always reminds you that whatever happens you have to stuff your mouth with food even when you don’t want to. You don’t aware that your phone continuously vibrates.

“Jungkook?”

“Noona, you’re home?”

“Yeah. Whats wrong? Are you… are you running?” you ask. Jungkook laugh and you hear his rush steps.

“Noona, meet me in front of your apartment. Hurry up! We don’t have much time”

“Hey, JK. If it’s one of your pranks I won’t fall for it”

“Noooo. I don’t do pranks again. Please believe me and come down”

You really have no energy to do anything yet Jungkook asking you to go out. You grab the black cardigan and layer it on your white t-shirt. It’s ends of June already but you always feel cold. Your wear glasses to hide your eyes. You bring your small bag and phone to meet Jungkook. If it’s nothing important, you swear you will give him a long speech. No more ‘I’ll forgive you because you’re cute’ again.

He brings you to the brunch café nearby. The café you used to visit with Yoongi. The last visit must be three months ago, when everything was still okay.

“Why we’re here?” you ask Jungkook who focuses on menu book. He doesn’t answer your question but calling the waiter. He orders 5 main dishes with 1 dessert.

“I want to try the dishes you recommend to me”

“All of them?”

“Yes, I can eat them all in one sitting. Besides, I have you here, so I have no worry on my plate”

“I’ve had my lunch” you say. Jungkook rises an eyebrow.

“Are you considering cereal with milk as your lunch? Oh please, noona. As the cereal mania, I’m offended”

You only laugh because you’ve got caught. You indeed just eat cereal for living these days.

Jungkook keeps babbling and you can only smile. You listen to his story and it does help to enlighten you. The food is coming one by one. When the last plate is placed, he cocks his head and look at you with his sparkling deer eyes. He asks me to eat with him and not to only watch him eating.

“Did you listen to the new song?” he asks. You stop for a while before looking at him.

“I slept early last night and woke up late”

“Would you listen to it?” he asks carefully.

You don’t answer his question and play with the food. You’re not sure if it’s the best choice to do.

“Would you give it a chance, noona?”

He begs to you with his eyes. He holds your hand, giving you strength to go on.

“I’ll be here. I’ll help you with anything”

Jungkook gives his phone and airpods to me. He encourages me to listen to it while he’s here with me. I take few deep breaths before click the play button.

I’m sorry, was I too harsh?

I’m way too fearless

I don’t know, I don’t know

Maybe I thought you’d comfort me

So I played hard to get

But when you’re not here

Everything crashes down

So with a blank face

I built a house

My footsteps are getting heavier

I can’t walk anymore

I can’t just let you go like this

But I can’t open my mouth

You listen to his melody. You listen to his lyrics. His song speaks to you. The key in relationship is communication but both you and Yoongi have failed. You two try to be considerate for the other person but it only pushes you away farther from each other. You look up at Jungkook, he gives you reassuring smile.

*

You’re back to the scariest place for you. His studio. Jungkook holds your shoulder from the back. You don’t realize that you are trembling. Your body remember the pain and it scares you.

“Everything will be okay” chants Jungkook repeatedly to make you believe him.

Your hand is still trembling and puts the code one by one. You remember what Suran tolds you.

‘We all know Yoongi is deeply in love with you so we kind of guessing his password. Then he officially tells everyone who is in the mixtape project including me for easy access. I’m sorry Y/N, I really am’

The door is open. Jungkook gives you another soft pat, supports you from behind. You take a step inside. You hear low sound of music. You can smell very familiar scent filling the room. All the equipment and decorations back to the room. You can see a figure sits on the chair looking at the monitor. You hold your breath. You’re scared that all of this is just your sweet dream.

“Y-Yoongi”

The man turns around. He smiles. Yoongi looks paler than the last time you saw him. His face looks thinner, dark circles appear more visible than before. He stands and walks to you.

“You came?”

“You’re here. You’re really here”

“I’m here. I will never leave again”

You really don’t want to cry. You’re tired for all the crying you did these months. He opens his arms widely, ready to embrace you again. He regrets to ever think leaving you will make you happier. He is in deep resentment to think he can live normally without you beside him.

“I’m sorry” says Yoongi softly. You hug him tight, you’re afraid he will disappear to thin air.

“No, I’m sorry”

Yoongi lifts my face to look at him.

“It takes me too long to be confident in being your boyfriend. I punish myself for being a fool to hurt you like that. But I just hurt you more”

“I shouldn’t doubt you that day. I can’t bear myself with the thought of losing you”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I should’ve told you everything. Do you forgive me?”

You nod and hug him again.

“We make mistake, but we learn from it. We will make a new beginning and be together forever”

*

Yoongi fills you in for the days he absents from your life. How he tried to focus on finishing the mixtape album, how he gave all the best that he can for Heize new song, how he barely lived without you. You don’t miss the chance to punch his arms or chest whenever you think he’s an idiot. He takes it all, he thinks he deserves more than just light punch from you.

“Honestly, I’m afraid that you won’t take me back. That you start to think Joon is better than me”

“Hey!” you slap his chest. He laughs.

“I trust you but I don’t trust Joon. He had crush on you before you meet me, you know. If we didn’t meet, maybe he is the best person for you to be with”

“It’s all in the past, right? I hope Joon meet someone who loves him sincerely”

Yoongi pulls you to him, pastes your back to his chest. He hugs you tight and doesn’t answer your question. He is actually very scared to lose Y/N to his bestfriend. He doesn’t want you to know that Namjoon is still crushing on you. He, once, thinks that Namjoon loves you as much as he does.

He kisses your temple every time you stop talking. You find it cute and crave him more. You turn your head to him and kiss him on the lips. He just smiles.

“I miss you”

“I miss you more”

“Not sure about that. I miss you more than you miss me”

You love this Yoongi. No, you just love Yoongi and being with Yoongi, whatever side or color of him he shows to you.

“Can I meet your parents tomorrow?”

“My parents? Why?”

You fully turn your body to him. You feel nervous and nausea waiting for him answer. You are the fire and he is the water. When you easily pop small tantrums, Yoongi is very calm and gives you another insight.

“I need to talk to them, it’s very important”

“Should I, I don’t know, prepare something or anything?”

“No. Your presence is enough”

*

You finally sleep in peace. No more nightmares or waking up in the middle of the nights. You sleep so comfortably with Yoongi beside you. Both of you made a promise last night, to communicate better so you can understand each other better too. You promise to yourself, to not give in to your negative thoughts. You leave Yoongi who sleep soundly to make breakfast.

You inform your parents about your arrival. Your mom and dad are home, waiting for you and Yoongi. You can see Yoongi is more nervous than usual. You think that he may still blame himself and feel guilty to your parents. As much as your parents love you and be very protective, they won’t interfere your love live. They fully give the freedom to you.

You sit with Yoongi in front of your father after settling the drinks for the four of you. Your mother only smiles, while your father gives his scary face. Yoongi sit politely with his two hands upon his knees.

“Have you thought about it?” asks your father.

“Yes, sir”

You look back and forth between Yoongi and your father. This is the secret, the one that you asked Yoongi before. There’s indeed something between the men that you don’t know. You steal a glance to your mom, asking for the hint. Seems like you’re the only person who clueless.

“Then?”

“Please give your daughter’s hands to me. I may make mistake and being stupid but I will make her happy as long as she stays with me”

Your eyes go wide. You open your mouth just to close it again. You have so many things to say yet you can’t say anything. Your father smiles, half smirking, to Yoongi.

“Take you long enough, son”

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Happiness Begins

Part 2

Chapter Summary: The reader receives some less than stellar news from her assistant about her company.

Warnings: Language, angst

Word Count: 2.7K+

Author’s Note: Thank you all for the positive feedback on the first part. It made me smile like an idiot. I wasn’t kidding when I said feedback is like crack to writers. So, here is part two! I hope you enjoy and don’t forget to let me know what you think!

Check out the series masterlist and Alexandra’s Library for more works from yours truly!

“You gonna answer that?” Jensen’s eyes flickered from her to her phone vibrating away on the counter. She shook her head. 

“It’s probably just emails and updates. They can wait.” She continued dabbing the purple on his left cheek bone, setting the base for a bruise. 

It had been two weeks since she had uprooted her life from Texas to Vancouver to help out the studio. She had been happy to do it when they asked. Even with her makeup line getting off the ground, she missed being on set. She missed getting to hone her special effects skills. Not that they did anything too crazy on Supernatural, but she had fallen into a rut doing her YouTube tutorials on more everyday looks that she had forgotten how fun it was to cover someone in blood. Especially when that someone was Jensen. No one should look that good covered in blood.

His hand grabbed her wrist, bringing her out of her thoughts. “Y/n, answer your phone. We have plenty of time before I have to be on set.” 

She bit her tongue, Jensen and her both knew that they did not have any spare time. They were already the last ones left inside the trailer. There was no point in arguing with him, it would just take up more time that they didn’t have. With a sigh, she set down the sponge in her hand and picked up the ringing phone. 

“Hey Abby.” 

“Thank god you picked up! We lost Ashley for our spring collection.” Abby, her office manager, spit out the words so fast that she barely caught them. Jensen was watching her closely, though his expression remained neutral. 

“What do you mean? What the hell happened?!” She turned away from Jensen. Landing Ashley Graham after she dropped her contract with L’Oréal had been a miracle. Not only was Ashley her primary spokesperson now, but the two of them had collaborated on the spring collection. It was the upcoming collection that she was most excited about. The two women had become quick friends in their few business meetings. This was the last thing she needed right now. 

“Well, she’s pregnant now and her contract stated that she would have to be present for press around her due date. Her team called to let us know and the lawyers dropped her.” Abby explained. 

“Seriously? They dropped her because she got pregnant? That can’t even be legal!” She spit out. She could feel the anger resonating in her chest, her whole body flushing. “I’ve built this whole company on empowering women and you are telling me that the lawyers I hired dropped her because she got pregnant? Are they trying to bury us into the ground?” 

“They said because she breached contract…”

“Was there no contingency at all in her contract? How could she have breached her contract? This is insane.” She didn’t even let Abby finish. She was fuming. Not only did she have a long day on set today, but now she was going to have to spend all her free time doing damage control with Ashley and speaking with the company’s public relations officer to make sure this didn’t get out. 

“Listen Abby, drop the law firm we have. I want a new one by Monday. Send me everything you’ve got on who you are looking at and I’ll weed out the ones I want. I want portfolios for the best of the best in my email by tomorrow morning.”

“Yes ma’am. I’m sorry.” Y/n could hear Abby scribbling down every instruction. 

“It’s not your fault, Abby. Also, please have Carrina call me as soon as possible.” She softened her tone. The last thing she wanted was to take it out on Abby. 

“Got it.” Abby hung up and it took everything in Y/n not to chuck her phone across the room. This was absolutely the last thing her company needed. Being so new, they could not afford a scandal like this situation could become. 

“That didn’t sound so good.” She had forgotten that Jensen was in the trailer with her and his voice startled her. 

“Just my fucking lawyers trying to bury my company into the ground.” She grumbled before going back to creating the bruise on his cheek. 

“Do you need to go deal with some stuff ‘cause I can grab Trish.” He was just trying to help, she knew that, but the anger boiling inside her took over her rational thought. 

“No! I’m here to do a job and I’ll do it.” She set her mouth in a hard line. Her comment shut Jensen up quickly. Immediately, she felt horrible about her outburst. It wasn’t his fault, and he didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. Her voice was lower this time. “Sorry.”

“You wanna talk about it?” He tried. He could tell she was stewing. She was still applying his makeup, but she wasn’t present anymore. Autopilot had taken over as her thoughts ran rampant.

“I hired this model to collaborate and model my coming spring collection. Well, I guess she informed my company that she is pregnant now and her due date comes around when we are supposed to do a press circuit for the collection. The lawyers said she breached contract and dropped her.” She explained as she put the finishing touches on him. She turned to grab the powder to set the makeup before looking back at him. 

“I’ve staked my whole reputation on the empowerment of women and what message does that send my customers? We have to walk the walk you know?” She leaned against the counter, her body coiling in on itself. 

“Yeah I know. Every little move is scrutinized by people who don’t even know you.” Jensen agreed. He shifted in his chair, straightening himself as he waited for her to continue. 

“It’s just frustrating. We have a long day today and now I have to deal with this on top of it. I’ve got to call Ashley personally and apologize and then work with my public relations officer to make sure it doesn’t get out before we can fix it. Oh and to top it all off, I have to find new lawyers.” She smiled, the action disingenuous. She was fighting back the tears. Being an angry crier was one of the most frustrating things she had dealt with all her life. Not only did anger and frustration generate the tears, but then the frustration over the tears had it all spinning in a vicious cycle. There was no way she could let them come now, not at her place of work and certainly not in front of Jensen. She was the boss, and she could not let that front down. 

“I’m sorry I pushed you to answer your phone.” Jensen said honestly. He could see her chewing on the inside of her cheek. 

“It’s fine.” She waved him off. “It’s better that I know now. Gives me more time to get ahead of it.” She dabbed the brush in her hand against the setting powder, shook off the excess, and then lightly brushed it across his cheek. 

“You’re all done. Go kick some demon ass.” She was teasing, but her tone was still heavy with the weight on her shoulders. She turned and busied herself with picking up his essentials into his bag, looking everywhere but at him. Her distraction meant she didn’t see him stop and turn as he opened the door, trying to decide if there was anything else he could say to make her feel better before deciding against it, giving her one last look before finally leaving. With the door shutting behind him, he didn’t see her gaze flick up to the door in the mirror, hoping to see him one last time before she let the tears fall. 

****

The cast and crew broke for lunch just a little before noon. Today, they were on the stages and inside most of the day. She didn’t have to worry about freezing her ass off on top of everything else, at least for now. Normally, she could handle juggling everything. Her company was still young, barely crawling and that meant every movement had meaning. The whole situation looked bad to any company, no matter if it was new or not, but it could be especially damaging to hers. It made her look like a hypocrite. 

“Hey, do you know what’s up with Y/n?” Trish sat down empty handed across the table from Jared and Jensen. 

“No.” Jared turned in his seat, following Trish’s gaze to his sister pacing back and forth, her phone glued to her ear. Her mouth was set in a hard line and her brows were wrinkled together. They couldn’t hear her from where they were, but they could see she was talking animatedly. 

“It’s probably about this morning.” Jensen said nonchalant, not even looking up from his phone. He shoved a large bite of his lunch into his mouth. 

“What happened this morning?” Jared turned back around as he asked.

“Something about her company dropping a model because she’s pregnant. Y/n took it pretty hard. Honestly, she looked like she was going to cry.” Jensen put his phone down this time. Trish and Jared were both staring at him. “What?”

“She does that.” Jared explained after a beat.

“Does what?’’ Trish didn’t fully understand what he was trying to say. 

“Cry. When she gets really angry or frustrated she cries. We used to make fun of her when we were little, you know how mean big brothers are. It would only make it worse. Not to mention she doesn’t like people to see her cry. She is very guarded when it comes to her emotions. She’s always felt like she has had to put up the devil may care attitude.” Jared explained.

“She snapped at me when I asked her if she wanted me to grab Trish so she could take care of it.” Jensen added.

“Not surprising either. She thinks she can handle everything, that asking for help is a sign of weakness. I mean this company is her baby. She created it all on her own and if she felt that that was threatened, she’d definitely lose it.” Jared snuck a look back at his sister again. She was looking at her phone now, her foot tapping against the concrete. “I feel bad, ‘cause I asked her to do this, and now I’m worried she is overwhelmed.” 

“Just give her the weekend to sort out this problem. I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Trish left the table then, and headed to grab her own lunch. Jensen had finished his plate, standing just as Trish did.

“Where you going?” Jared looked up at him, his brows knitted together. 

“I’m done eating, and I doubt your sister has had anything.” Jensen shoved his phone in his pocket and grabbed his empty plate. 

“So you’re grabbing her food?” Jared didn’t understand. “She’s an adult. If she wants to eat she will.” 

“You’re right, you are a mean big brother.” Jensen shoved Jared’s shoulder and headed off back towards the caterer. Jensen wasn’t exactly sure what she liked to eat, but he knew she had to eat something. He heard her stomach growling this morning while she was fixing his makeup and he hadn’t seen her eat anything in the hours they had been filming. They had turkey chili today, and he figured it was a safe bet. He got a bowl and topped it with cheese and sour cream before taking it over to where she was now pacing again. 

****

Emails and texts had her phone vibrating non-stop all day. She was going back and forth with Carrine and Abby over everything. She even had to find her external battery to charge it back up once already and it was only lunch. 

When lunch had finally come around, she had a chance to call Ashley. Profusely, she apologized for the misunderstanding. Ashley was a saint about it, fortunately. She told her she knew it had to be some kind of mistake. After having gotten to know each other personally, she couldn’t see Et Cetera dropping her just like that. The call was quick and sweet and she promised Ashley she would have a new contract for her by the end of the day on Monday. 

The call with her relations officer was less enjoyable. Carrine had explained to her that somehow it had been leaked already. It had been barely twenty-four hours since the whole debacle and somehow news outlets had gotten wind of the story. She would most likely have to make a statement, Ashley too. People would want to hear both sides of the story. 

She was typing an email to Ashley, apologizing again and explaining that she would come up with a statement for her to approve by the end of the day so they could both say something when movement to her left caught her eye. 

“How’s it going?” Jensen flashed her his dazzling smile, the food he had grabbed for her in his hand. 

“Better, I guess. I talked to Ashley, but somehow it got out already. I’m thinking it was her team. So now we have to do damage control.” She finished her typing and locked her phone with a sigh. 

“That sucks. I brought you some turkey chili though.” He set the bowl down on the table not far from her. 

“I’m good, thank you.” She smiled weakly, going back to doing something on her phone. 

“Y/n, your stomach was growling at seven this morning and I know for a fact that you have not eaten yet.” He crossed his arms and sat down at the table.

“What are you my dad?” Her eyes narrowed at him. “I’m not hungry.” She insisted, only to be betrayed by her stomach growling again. Jensen laughed to himself, cocking that one eyebrow.

“You sure about that? If you don’t like chili I can grab you something else.” He tried.

“I love chili actually.” She admitted as she slipped her phone into her back jean pocket before sitting down across from him. Being so preoccupied, she hadn’t even realized she had neglected to eat. Now, with the smell wafting from the bowl, she was suddenly ravenous, her mouth watering. She unwrapped the plastic spoon and dug in. The chili was exceptional, and she moaned around the spoon. 

“I think I’ll leave you two alone.” Jensen laughed and began to stand. Her face flushed pink as he sat back down.

“Shut up.” She chided. She took another bite, relishing in it, silently this time, before continuing. “Really, though, thank you.” 

“You’re Jared’s little sister, and that means you are family. Family takes care of each other.” 

“Oh yeah then why didn’t my brother bring me this?” She challenged before taking another bite. 

“Cause your brother is obtuse, frankly.” Jensen crossed his arms and leaned onto the table. 

“Obtuse?” She wasn’t quite sure where he was taking this.

“He’s not the one who noticed you didn’t eat all day, or that you’ve been distant.” Jensen pointed out. 

“And you did?” His comment stuck something inside her. He had been paying close attention to her, an idea that made her suddenly self-conscious. It was probably just because he had been there when Abby had called this morning, but a part of her couldn’t help but hope it was more than that. 

“And Trish.” He attempted to back pedal, not wanting to sound creepy. She couldn’t deny she was disappointed by that. 

“Well, my brother is busy, and he’s got his own problems he’s dealing with.” Could she really blame him for not noticing? Years of practice had made her nearly an expert on pushing down her feelings and expressing this aurora of nonchalance. Clearly, it worked better on her brother than Jensen, a fact that had her stomach rolling. 

“Apparently so since I had to take over big brother duty for him.” She let out a huff of air. Every comment Jensen made had her mind in a tug of war. On one side, he is kind and flirty, and then he will quickly revert to big brother mode, all teasing and protective. All of it was giving her whiplash. Her crush was growing with every kind gesture, like bringing her lunch, only to be squashed back down with comments like these. It left this weird emptiness in her chest every time. 

She took another bite of her chili, mumbling to herself, “Just what I need, another big brother.” 

Part 3

Again, if there is a line through your URL i don’t know why Tumblr is being a little bitch. If you don’t want to be tagged, just let me know xoxo

Forevers: @spn-impala​​ @22sarah08​​ @turtlepad​​ @callmekda​​ @chaldei​​ @hobby27​​ @casualfestivaltrashpainter​ @cowboysnwinchesters​​ @tranquility-or-chaos​​ @pikabootoyouchu​​ @dawnie1988​​ @fallenlux @grease222​​ @frackinawesomeninja​​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​​ @polina-93​​ @clarinette07​​ @moonlight-babeh​​ @suckerforfanfic​​ @witandnargles​​ @sleepylunarwolf​

Et Cetera: @jbbarnesgirl​ @hillface89​ @arses21434​ @thevelvetseries​ @xoxogibbs @sslater34​ @princess11296 @mrsirishboru​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @spnfamily-j2​ @encounterthepast​ @waywardprincesa @facadeformyrealblog  @supernatural-bellawinchester​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​​ @rebeccathefangirl @squirrelnotsam @heartinmyhead1​ @1d-killed-me​ @spn-impala​ @samsgirl93​ @deans-baby-momma​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @woodworthti666​

[the--blackdahlia]

Edge of Seventeen Chapter 1 (Izzy x OFC)

Title: Edge of Seventeen

Summary:  When the boy Karen Williamson loved left home when she was seventeen, she figured it was just a childhood crush. She had her own plans to get out of Indiana. But when those plans fell through and now she’s trapped in Lafayette with a degree that’s getting her nowhere. That is, until Jeffrey Isbell came home.

Warnings: Language for now

AN:  This is just something I'm playing around with. I'm not sure how much I'll do on it, or if anyone will even like it. Thanks to @callme-kaz2y5-baby​ for the help!

The alarm clock was blaring. The room was still dark, and not due to the curtains Karen used to cover her small window. It was November in Indiana, and the sun didn’t carry the same amount of shine that it did in July. Well, that and it was also 5:30 in the morning. Karen groaned as she ran a hand down her face. It was Saturday. She didn’t really want to get her ass out of bed, but this was her Saturday to open the library and stay until at least noon, and she did have a lot of things to do after she got off work.

And if she was going to actually make it there, she had to get up and get in the shower now. Groaning, she finally pulled herself out of bed, letting the coffee start up while she got in the shower. After waking herself up with that, she got out, smelling the coffee and smiling. If someone would’ve told her ten years or so ago that coffee would be her blood, she would’ve laughed at them.

She made her first cup and popped some toast in the toaster. As she waited on the toast, she started to figure out something to do with her hair, deciding after fussing with it for longer than she felt necessary, that she was just going to run a brush through it and call it a day. The rest of her routine flew by; eat her toast, get dressed, put on some quick makeup, and water her plants before she headed out the door.

Six years of college left her driving a 1987 Firebird with a few too many miles, driving around a town she had always vowed to get out of but never quite made it.

“You’re listening to the Bob & Tom Show,” Karen was greeted as she turned on the car. “We’re getting some word from the Guns n’ Roses camp. It seems that it was announced that original guitarist Izzy Stradlin has had enough of Axl Rose and called it quits.”

Karen froze as she got ready to put her car in gear. She had to have misheard it.

“Rumors are swirling that Mr. Stradlin is returning to his hometown for a big project, but the fact that he had the balls to tell off Rose is astounding to me.” There was laughter and some jokes thrown around before they started playing a Guns n’ Roses songs in honor of the great hero, Izzy Stradlin.

Karen headed to work at the Lafayette Public Library. Kids from Purdue would be there, doing some studying off of campus or the ones that lived off campus would be there at least. But her mind kept drifting as she headed the ten minutes to her job.

Izzy had finally quit. She had been following the band ever since Jeffrey left Indiana. The night after he graduated with a D average, which honestly was thanks more to Karen and less to that fucking Bill Bailey. She gave him his graduation present with a smile on her face. He handed her a mixtape, kissed her, then left her behind.

She still had that mixtape somewhere at home. No matter how many boyfriends she had had in the eleven years since her last kiss with Jeffrey Isbell, she couldn’t throw it away. She’d bring it out once in a while when she missed him, but then she’d remember that he probably didn’t remember her, especially after all these years.

She pulled into her spot and opened up the library. She went through her morning routine as she waited for her assistant to show up. Empty the drop box, check them in, put them on the cart to reshelf, all the boring things that came with her job. It seemed like it was the same thing everyday that she was the in charge librarian. She broke up her routine by going to see a movies about once a week, and sometimes she’d splurge and head to Indy for a concert, but that wasn’t a common occurrence. She had accepted a long time ago that she wasn’t going to have the glamorous, rock star life that her friends had gotten when they broke free from the cornfields.

After the afternoon girl took over, Karen went to gather up the things that she had on her list. She drove towards the other side of town, where the older homes were. She smiled as she pulled into a driveway that she knew very well. Gathering up the couple books and VHS that were on her list, she knocked.

“Come in!” A woman inside called out. Karen made her way in to see Linda Isbell sitting on the couch, crocheting and watching a game show. Linda’s eyes brightened and she smiled as Karen made her way in. “Oh Karen, sweetie! How are you?”

“I’m good mama Isbell,” She kissed Linda’s cheek. “The book you wanted came in. And I got you An Officer and a Gentleman.” She sat the handful of things on her coffee table. There was a yapping noise then as Linda’s little dog, Astair, came running towards Karen. “Hey there little guy.”

“He loves when you come over,” Linda smiled at her. “He likes the car rides and walks.”

“I love those too, don’t I baby boy,” She scratched his ears and played with him for a minute. “I’ll get your grocery list after I walk him, okay?”

“Oh honey, you don’t have to do that,” Linda told her. “One of my boys went shopping for me earlier in the week. I’m set for now.”

“Oh really?” Karen asked. She figured that Joe had come to see his mom, finally. Because she figured if it was Jeff, Linda would’ve told her. But then again, she knew about how Karen’s heart had been broken by her eldest, and she was pretty good about not talking about him too much to her.

“Well, then Astaire and I will go on an extra long walk. Maybe a nice drive too,” Karen smiled as the dog yapped and ran around in circles. Linda laughed.

“He loves you Karen,” She told her, making Karen’s heart swell. After talking for a few more minutes, Karen got Astaire’s leash and took him for a nice, long walk around Lafayette. The dog was so happy, especially when she parked her car and they walked out through some of the abandoned fields around and he could chase the birds that were still there.

She looked out across the fields and noticed the large house that set among them had a moving truck in front of it. No one had lived there in years, and Jeff and Bill used to argue about who was going to live there someday. Karen highly doubted if Izzy ever moved back to Indiana, that he would come back to Lafayette, not when the Carmel area was flourishing, and attracted more of the wealthy that lived in Indiana.

“Come on Astaire, let’s go home,” Karen told the dog. He barked once more at a bird before running off with her.

****

Izzy stepped out on the front porch of his new home. Back in the day, when he was dreaming of being a huge star, him and Axl would argue over who was going to live in this house. He honestly never thought it would be up for sale, and he wasn’t sure what compelled him to buy it when it went on the market. Maybe it was a chance to say fuck you to Axl. Izzy adjusted the hat on his head as he looked at all the space he had. He was honestly glad to be back home, and he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

He was pulled from his thoughts then by a dog barking. Looking out across the fields, he watched as a small dog chased some birds and a woman stood there, watching. She looked over his way, and even though Izzy couldn’t make out her face, he felt something as he watched her. They didn’t stay much longer, but Izzy couldn’t stop watching as she left.

“Maybe I’ll see her around,” Izzy grumbled to himself before he headed inside to pay the movers so he could get settled into his new home.

Forever Tags: @dekahg​ @marvel-af-imagines​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @nanie5​ @imboredsueme-deactivated2020040​ @gemini0410​ @aiaranradnay​ @babypink224221​ @mogarukes​ @xxwarhawk​ @sandlee44​ @shatteredabby​ @caswinchester2000​ @lauravic​ @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk​ @teller258316​ @horrorpxnk​ @tommyleeownsme​ @marvelismylifffe​ @mrslogansixxpixx​

Guns n Roses Tags: @malibubarbievince​ @slashscowboyboots​ @hauntedapricoteggsclam​ @bitter-13-suite​ @arianareirg​ @lucyboytom​ @ozzy-dumbass-of-darkness @julessworldd​ @solopadawan​ @stradlin-cold-heartbreaker​ @catsandacoffee @kaitieskidmore1​ @heavy-metal-fucking-rules @aratbaby​ @dufflesmckagan​ @appetiteforstradlin​ @acdcmutual​

[sweetst24]

Inside - part 2

This is part 2 of Inside. I'm not really sure how many parts this will have. WARNINGS WILL CHANGE AS THE STORY PROGRESSES.

Warning: panic attacks, pregnancy, mentions of miscarriage, everyone knows except you...

As time went on we were screwing like rabbits. Daytime, nighttime, in my room, in his room, in the living room, in the empty rooms, in the garage. No place or time was off limits, except when Dean was in the room of course. Except that one time where he screamed and left the room while we were making out. Good choice because we were not stopping.

Everything was good. When we weren't hunting, he was deep inside me so that was a plus. The only issue was we hadn't discussed his feelings and my lack of expressing any. I could see it bothered him, especially since there was no PDA, except when we on the verge of screwing the life out of one another. But I didn't mind. I knew how I felt and how he felt. Well at least I thought I knew.

-present-

Stirring, I realize I fell asleep, but stopped once I heard the brothers muttering to each other.

"What do you mean lock you in the garage? You sound insane. She doesn't need anymore crap. Let her just eat, shower, and shit before you lay into her again, Sammy." Dean sounds completely shocked by Sam's behavior, finding himself defending me.

"This is y/n, Dean. I'm not going to let her bottle everything up when she should be talking to me. Shouldn't you agree? Our situation lately has been so fucked and I can feel her not grieving, not accepting anything. I told her I loved her so many times... I just can't let her keep hurting Dean. Not again," Sam said with a quiet conviction that made me smile.

"Ahhh, shit Sammy. You can't... *Sigh* Look. At least we're home. Just go easy on her. Everyone grieves differently Sammy," Dean says as he puts Baby in park. We've finally reached the bunker, less relieved than I wanted to be.

Once the door slammed, Sam said my name with a slight annoyance that I didn't particularly like.

"Oh, we're here. So. Are you gonna let me leave the car or," I feigned innocence while Sam's face began to plea with me, jaw tight and eyes closed.

"What are you doing? Why aren't you home with me, mourning, grieving? Huh? I told myself you just needed some space but it's only been two weeks, y/n. And then you pull this crap. Tell me what's going on," Sam, eyes watery, hands shaking, looked as if he was going to completely lose control and strangle me.

"I... I just can't. I don't want to feel it, Sam. I... I... I..." I stutter, at a loss for words. But before I could continue

"Say it! Say it, y/n! Our babies died! You can't even!"

"I know, Sam. I know," suddenly, I was more exhausted, feeling all the pain of that night. Remembering how sick I felt... And how everything went to shit.

-flashback-

"Y/n! Y/n, where are you! Dean's back with Cas, they brought Chinese!" As he passed the bathroom door, Sam heard me crying, more like sobbing, so he banged on the door.

"Y/n! Y/n, what's wrong? You've been hiding the entire time they were gone... Why are you crying? Please open the door. You have the count of three before I..." Sam didn't stand a chance as I slammed passed him, anger all over my face, slamming the door to my bedroom. "What the hell did I do," Sam mutters to himself.

Little did he know, the feeling I was expressing wasn't exactly anger, but frustration. I'd missed my period. By a lot. It had been at least eight weeks before I realized I hadn't had one. My frustration was with myself, for not being careful, for screwing everything up. I knew Sam loved me and I loved him, though I never said it back. But something inside of me told me that as soon as he found out, I would be told to leave. To keep me safe, to keep Sam's baby safe, and that I couldn't agree with. As I sat on my bed having an imaginary argument in my mirror, I didn't realize that Sam had picked the lock and was standing beside me with a plate of veggie chow mein, my favorite, until the smell hit my nostrils and I ran to the bathroom.

-

Sam, extremely confused, went to library to Cas to see the if his new found suspicions could be confirmed. "Hey Cas. Y/n has been acting weird. Has she said anything to you?"

"No, Sam. You need to speak to her. I will not provide any assistance in your relationship with y/n." Cas stated with a look of knowing on his face. Castiel has known about the babies, two girls, since the moment he said hello to y/n about seven weeks prior. As an angel, he knew not to meddle in the hunter's personal affairs after the last time, revealing her extreme sexual feelings towards Sam over dinner a year prior.

"But Cas she's been sick, and angry. Could you just give her a once over to make sure it's nothing serious?" Sam's puppy dog eyes almost broke Castiel, but he bit back, standing in defiance.

"I will not discuss y/n's personal matters with you. Ask her yourself," Cas retorted, smug as ever.

Just then, Jack walks into the room, box of chow mein in his hand. "Are you talking about y/n? She'll be better soon. Morning sickness should ideally only last for a few more weeks. She'll be fine."

"Jack!"

As Jack was talking, Dean stood from his chair with a giant grin on his face.

Then everyone suddenly fell silent at the sound of y/n's door slamming shut. The seconds sounded like minutes as y/n stomped her way down the hallway toward the garage. "I'm going to the store. I'm taking your car. No you can't come with me. Whatever you guys are talking about behind my back you can all just kiss my black ass!" Slam!

It took Sam a second to realize that he couldn't allow his PREGNANT girlfriend to drive to the store at night alone. Sam ran to the garage yelling for y/n but it was no use, she peeled out faster than he ever saw anyone before.

-

I walked into the local convenience store completely on edge about the last hour of my life. How had I gone so far? I was lost in Sam for so long. How will I do this without him?

As I got up to the register, I noticed my favorite cashier was working tonight.

"Yasss! I had a feeling I would see you tonight! Wait, what's wrong girl! You look terrible!"

"Thanks a lot Justice. You didn't have to be such a bitch about it." I snapped, slightly more annoyed than I should've been.

"Damn, girl. I didn't mean to make you mad or nothing. I was just messin wit you," Justice said, showing hurt in her facial features.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to lie, I feel terrible. My boobs hurt. I'm super late. My going insane. What if he doesn't want this? Doesn't want me?" I absentmindedly rambled while picking up snacks.

Picking up a pregnancy test from behind the counter, Justice held my hand. "Y/n I'll tell you right now, that moose you call your man loves you more than life itself. If he knew how you felt right now, on the inside, I'm sure he would be standing right beside you. Just be honest with him."

With a big hug, I walked out of the store, pregnancy test one hand, snacks in the other, not ready to face the music.

-

I drove around for an extra hour, ignoring Sam and Dean's calls, unable to find the words to explain where I've been. As I pulled into the bunker I knew something was up because a car was gone and Jack was sitting alone on a chair in Baby's parking spot. As I got out of the car, Jack pulled out Sam's other cell phone.

"Sam said to call as soon as you got out of Baby."

"No. Jack. Give me an extra ten minutes before you call judge, jury, and executioner to stand on my neck. I've had a long enough night without being screamed at too."

"I'm pretty sure he won't scream though, especially because of the Ba-aad weather," Jack said, looking super suspicious.

"Jack? What is it?"

"Nothing y/n. Nothing. Just relax and take your time. I'll call Sam in ten minutes."

"Okay. But you're explaining later," I pointed at Jack as I walked over to my room, dropping onto my bed, not looking forward to the rest of my evening.

I immediately rummage through my snack bag, pulling out the teal box that held the answer to the question of the day. I walked over to the bathroom, locked the door, and got to work. All three tests from one box sat on the edge of the tub as the timer on my phone counted every second.

"Y/n! Y/n!" I heard Sam screaming my name and running toward the bathroom from the garage.

Bang, bang, bang!!

"Y/n, please open the door! I love you, please!!" Sam pled through the door. Unbeknownst to him, I was currently ignoring all the screaming as I sat in complete shock at the three positive pregnancy tests. I felt sick. I felt hot. I felt out of control. Before I could stop myself, I was on all fours on the floor having a complete and utter black out panic attack. As consciousness started to fade in slow motion, the last thing I saw was Sam standing in the doorway yelling my name...

-

Y/n fainted in front of me. I just watched my pregnant girlfriend lose consciousness while staring at three positive pregnancy tests. What is my life? Y/n still hasn't woken up. Castiel said she's okay, just in shock. But I can't shake the image out of my head. So, I'm laying in bed next to her, just watching her sleeping peacefully.

"Hey Sammy. You gotta eat something man," Dean hands me a plate with a sandwich on it while I sit up, immediately putting it on the nightstand next to me.

"Dean. What am I going to do? I just watched her fall. How am I going to protect her?" As I begin to cry Dean does something unexpected: he hugs me.

"Hey hey, Sammy. You won't be alone. You have all of us. And the most important people to us are y/n and those babies, okay. You don't need to worry. We're here, man." Dean holds me as I sob over y/n's sleeping body, praying to Chuck that everything is okay.

[fulcrumahsokaamidala]

Fan Fic Catch Up: One-shot

Hello, everyone!!! So this is me thanking awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and all the time they put into their fics. ♥️ I want to recommend spectacular fanfic stories I’ve read since my last spectacular Saturday post! ♥️ Which was last November!!! Saturday spectacular post will resume this Saturday. Will still be tagged as #saturday spectacular fic rec

This is the second of three catch up posts.

Completed multi-chapter fics

WIP fic

One-shots

cook with love (to make food for the soul) by @inlovewithimpossibillity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: ‘I don’t really cook.’ ‘That makes sense.’

An expansion on the beginning sequence of 8x05 within which Oliver takes it upon himself to try and remedy a gap in Mia’s education. The kitchen.

these faultlines in our guard by @alexiablackbriar13 | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Instead of forcing Mia into doing the initiation bell exercise, the Bratva use more extreme measures to try and extract information from Oliver, using his daughter. Mia is left trying to deal with the physical and emotional aftermath of being tortured in front of her father while he dials his overprotective instincts from 10 up to 11.

Viscount Hood’s Return by @hope-for-olicity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Lady Felicity Smoak attends a Yuletide Ball and is surprised to discover Viscount Hood.

A Perfect Holiday Getaway by @blondeeoneexox | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: This fic is just a whole lot of holiday Olicity fluff.

no I don’t hardly know her (but I think I could love her) by vickovac | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | One-shot

Summary: 'I’m in the library doing extra-credit work and you’re working on a term paper due tomorrow’/'you accidentally took my coffee’ 'you really drink that?’/'I took the flyer for the society you were handing out because you’re so pretty but I have no idea what we actually do’ AU

or Amy Santiago, like any normal college student, has a routine. Naturally, her class rival, Jake Peralta, disrupts it…in the best way possible.

Boyfriends From College by Impossibly_Izzy | Brooklyn Nine-Nine & One Day at a TIme | One-shot

Summary: Jake dated two guys in college, but doesn’t realize until he introduces one of them to Amy.

Into the B99-Verse by ThatOneSmolFangirl | Brooklyn Nine-Nine & Into the Spider-Verse | One-shot

Summary: that title was so bad ANYWHO, our favorite boy, Miles Morales, finds himself in the Brooklyn-99 precinct. Him interacting with everyone and generally having a good time. Based off that one tumblr post

Are You Wearing My Shirt? by @green-arrows-of-karamel | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Felicity has a little accident and borrows Oliver’s shirt.

Not The Last Time by CSM | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Post 804. Mia desperately wants to see her mother and there is no stopping her, so Oliver and William accompany her to Bloomfield to see a surprised Felicity and baby Mia.No association with my other season 8 fic

Big Belly Reprieve by @inlovewithimpossibillity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Bored in the bunker waiting for their parents to finish at the gala, FTA head to Big Belly to introduce Mia to the food of their childhood. [Set in 8x06: Reset]

Merry and Bright by @inlovewithimpossibillity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: The 2013 Queen Consolidated Holiday Office Party sneaks up on CEO, Oliver Queen, but if he’s learnt one thing this year, it’s that anything’s possible when he has Felicity Smoak by his side. (For the 'Olicity Holiday Tropes Challenge’ prompt: Office Party)

The Little Green Secret by @green-arrows-of-karamel | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: This is not how Oliver imagined New Year’s Eve was going to be.

A Heart Full of Love by @inlovewithimpossibillity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: With Christmas upon them now, Felicity has to admit that she’s incredibly excited as well to do something other than eat takeout and watch Disney movies with her baby girl. Sharing the Queen’s traditions with them is just another move towards them becoming a more cohesive family and she’ll always be excited for that. [A Christmas morning fic set within my Single Parents AU 'Welcome to Starling Prep Elementary’ around a year later]

sugar and smoke rings by @inlovewithimpossibillity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: He never would have believed the full story if it hadn’t come directly from the lips of the man he trusts most in the world. The legendary vigilantes Green Arrow and Overwatch had a daughter no one knew about?[How Connor meets Mia, pre-s7 flashforwards]

kissing death and losing my breath by fbismoak (midwestwind) | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: “In the grand scheme of things, she figures she’s probably due for a mental break anyway.“Picks up immediately after the end of 2x07.

A Late Christmas Present by @alanna-the-lionheart | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: When Oliver and Felicity’s friends send their wedding gift back to them, the two of them feel quite differently about it. Oliver tamps down his frustrations in an effort to make Felicity feel better, and together, the two of them turn an unpleasant situation on its head.

a father should be great by @inlovewithimpossibillity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Two conversations, thirty years apart. A seven-year-old Felicity and a nine-year-old Mia. Both two scared girls wondering why their fathers are no longer with them. Both seeking the comfort of their mothers.

Everything by WinnieTherPooh | Agents of SHIELD | One-shot

Summary: Jemma tries to reconcile the Doctor of the Framework with her Fitz. Set immediately post-Framework (in a world where the space adventure doesn’t happen, or at least doesn’t begin right away).

hot chocolate conversations by riverwoodhills | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Walter stumbles upon a distraught Oliver being consoled by his Executive Assistant in his office, a hot chocolate being passed subconsciously between them.

open up the door for you by @inlovewithimpossibillity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: A random evening with a little too much whiskey leads to Mia opening up to Connor about where she comes from and a little bit more.

gentle lady, your knight is here ready  by @alexiablackbriar13 | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Set in S2. A collection of missing scenes. The five times Oliver took care of Felicity and the one time she took care of him.

(drop everything) meet me in the moonlight by @inlovewithimpossibillity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Oliver is working late one summer’s night in the mayoral office when a text from Felicity alerts him that everything is not alright with his beautiful, blonde ex-fiancée partner. (or post-s4, Felicity’s trying desperately to deal with the guilt of Havenrock and reaches out to Oliver one night when it’s all a little too much.)

we do, but friends don’t by @inlovewithimpossibillity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Detective Billy Malone learns many things early on in his relationship with Felicity Smoak but his most important finding is just how close she seems to be with her ex-fiancé, newly appointed Mayor Queen.[a (semi-)outside perspective on olicity, just before the start of s5]

Life was Full of Surprises - and Oliver Queen was the Best One byaponderingcharming | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Set sometime in Season 2. After a rough night, Oliver gets drunk and Felicity is left to take care of him. After some fluff and a heartwarming moment of honesty, Felicity notes a shift in their relationship.

kneel by 101places | Agents of SHIELD | One-shot

Summary: Simmons has a bad reaction to an episode of Doctor Who.

a dance or two to escape the gloom by @alexiablackbriar13 | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Queen Incorporated’s Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak of Smoak Technologies, rival CEOs, dance with each other at a holiday gala to avoid their exes.

New Year’s Eve by @alexiablackbriar13 | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: William pulls a 5x20 on Connor and Mia, locking them inside the bunker on New Year’s Eve with Indian food and wine. Of course, things escalate.  

Regret by Altum_Videtur  | Star Wars: The Clone Wars | One-shot

Summary: In the aftermath of the Battle of Ryloth, Ahsoka comes to terms with being responsible for other people’s lives. Set right after Storm Over Ryloth.

The Subtleties of Fashion by FrostOnGalway | Star Wars: The Clone Wars | One-shot Summary: Can we all agree that Ahsoka’s first outfit with the tube-top and mini-skirt is terrible for so many reasons? Anakin thinks so, and he’s gonna take a stand against stupid costume designers. The only problem is, how does he do that without hurting Ahsoka? When faced with a crisis of fashion (or most crises, really) the obvious solution is to go to Padmé for help. AKA The story of how Ahsoka gets her new outfit in Season 3. AKA The Fashion and the Arts (of Subtlety) Remix

you put your arms around me (and i’m home) by @inlovewithimpossibillity​ | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: The bunker is filled with people, Mia had been right about that, and there are many faces she recognizes staring back at her in shock but Mia is only interested in one of them.[An 8x10 spec-fic based off of the promo stills wherein Adult Mia meets 2020 Felicity]

no one will win this time by @alexiablackbriar13​ | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Canon divergent from COIE Part 5.Instead of targeting the Paragons, the pissed-off Anti-Monitor sends shadow demons after Oliver’s loved ones. Realizing two of the people Oliver loves most are vulnerable currently out in Bloomfield, dealing with the archer’s death, Sara rushes to protect Felicity and baby Mia, and bring them back to Star City so they can keep them safe.

The Next Right Thing by @inlovewithimpossibillity​ | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: A cabin. A wife. A teenager. A baby. Felicity Smoak is shaken to her core after the events of Crisis but she must come together for her son and daughter now. For Oliver, and for the true reason he sacrificed so much.

Take Your Daughter Into Battle Day by @alexiablackbriar13​ | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Oliver and Mia are trying to keep her identity secret from the other superheroes as Crisis begins, saying that she’s a Green Arrow from E-20 called Maya. But after their first huge team battle, Barry and Kara quickly notice something is up between them - and the truth unfolds.

Let me know if you want to be tagged!

@hope-for-olicity @emdee8907 @malafle @laxit21 @icannotbelieveiamhere

[twodaysintojune]

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

Supernatural, Debriel, Warnings-None

Find me at AO3

If Dean had an equivalent of Sam’s Halloween hate, more often than not that hated event was Christmas.

And to be fair, growing up listening to joyous songs of peace on earth right after cleaning your father's wounds from a salt and burn, watching movies of people sharing gifts under a massive Christmas tree in a dingy motel room whose only pristine asset was the sink he had just cleaned himself and then growing up trying to make it up for Sam and give him some sort of celebratory feeling…

Yeah, that could definitely make Christmas a detested event for anyone.

Which is why he thought it was kind of stupid to be out here on December 23rd in the mild Kansas cold, waiting for Sam and Jack to finally pick up a tree. Not that he complained about it, with time he had learnt to tone his feelings down and go along everything his people said. He was watching them, hands in his pockets, listening to the jarring Alvin and the Chipmunks styled carols booming out of a speaker that he was sure he would utterly destroy if he had the chance to get anywhere near it when he felt more than saw Gabriel approach him.

“You look like you're having as much fun as a man picking up his last meal.”

Dean snorted, count on Gabriel to be able to tell his mood swings. He had become even better than Sam on it and that was saying something.

“Naw, I was just thinking how on earth I'm gonna tie that monster to Baby without giving her a scratch.”

Cas had joined the other two with an assistant of the lot to help them wrap the tree up. After some struggling by all of them, Jack approached Dean beaming.

“All set?”

“Yeah”

“Well then, let's go kid.”

The trip to the bunker had been good, changing the background music to the good ol’ Zep definitely did wonders to his mood so when he helped everyone get the tree and all the other decorations they had bought into the bunker’s library, Dean was smiling once more. Still, he managed to leave everyone there to hide in the kitchen and prepare some mulled wine for the first time ever.

Doing a new recipe helped him focus his attention on anything else than more bitter than sweet memories but first he had to open the bottles and pour the wine into a pot. After finishing the first task, he saw a sachet of spices he had been about to prepare appear out of nowhere on his hand.

“Thanks Gabe.”

He dropped the sachet and proceeded to add less cups of sugar than what the recipe claimed, knowing that it was easier to add on than to take away. Gabriel, who was suddenly by his side, moved to turn on the oven while Dean cleaned the few instruments he had used and then went to the counter to finish preparing the turkey that was already lying on a cooking pan. Curious, Dean glanced over him and took a look at the humongous bird he definitely didn’t recall buying.

“Where did you even get that from?”

“I may not have much grace but I can spare a bit for the good stuff.”

Dean just snickered while he moved to take the eggs and milk out of the fridge and add another big pot on the stove for the eggnog, nudging Gabriel to leave some space on the counter for him. It was odd, this homely feeling he was getting dancing around the kitchen with Gabriel. It was almost like this was the way things were always meant to be. It took Dean a while to notice Gabriel was humming ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing’ but when it finally hit him he couldn’t help but laugh a bit.

“Were you ever even jealous of your half brother?”

Gabriel turned to look at Dean a bit startled and stopped his turkey filling task for a moment.

“Not really... I was kind of curious and a bit upset you know, since dad had forbidden us to bang with them and then he shows up and tells me I gotta give this girl Mary the news ‘cause he was being too much of a coward to show up himself after she told him she was not gonna give up on Joseph...” Gabriel paused for a long enough time fiddling with the spoon in his hands “...that should have been a dead giveaway about what he would do after Lucifer’s fall”

Dean moved to place his hand on the archangel’s shoulder.

“Hey, it wasn’t your fault that he left.”

If he didn’t know better, Dean could have sworn he had seen Gabriel’s eyes glisten for a second.

“Anyway, all that stopped after JJ was born, he really was a cute baby… Too bad he had to grow up.”

Dean laughed heartily.

“Yeah, I get you on that. Sammy was the cutest when he was a kid. If you think his puppy eyes can kill you now you should have seen him then.”

The rest of the day went by with the bunker filling itself with the delicious scent of baked goods that Gabriel naturally did for Dean’s delight and the mulled wine. Despite not feeling like it, Dean had helped hang out the leftover garlands and was preparing some of the open bedrooms for Jody and the girls, who were invited for the celebration by Sam when he stepped into the library with some dusty rags at the same time as Gabriel, who was bringing snacks for everyone.

“Stop!”

They halted when Jack placed his hand in front against them.

“You’re under the mistletoe! You have to kiss!”

Both men looked upwards to find that, indeed, there was a small bundle of mistletoe hanging from a decorated red ribbon right over them. Still confused for the abrupt interruption of their activities, they turned to each other before going back to Jack.

“Uhm, I don’t think this is the way that works kiddo.”

“No, you have to do it! Sam and Castiel already have.”

Dean and Gabriel groaned while glancing their respective brothers, who were now sheepishly hiding behind some of the tree’s branches. Dean could have sworn Sam’s ears were three shades redder than what they should’ve been.

“Seriously? You had to go there now? On Christmas of all times!?”

“We had to! It was the mistletoe!”

Both Gabriel and Dean looked at them in judgemental disbelief for just a second. Then Gabriel sighed and placed the tray with sandwiches and beer on the table before turning towards Dean.

“Don’t worry Dean-o, this ain’t gonna hurt a bit.”

Dean was about to retort when Gabriel’s hands found his neck and pulled his face closer. He felt Gabriel’s lips closing on his with a softness he never would have expected of the guy. Dean knew little about love but he was certain that there had been something more caring in that brief connection than what the occasion would have required.

Gabriel parted almost as fast as he had approached him.

“There, happy now?”

Jack just beamed at his uncle, like he had done tons of awesome things to make the world a better place. Swiftly, both men made way to keep on with their own tasks. When the night arrived and Sam had disappeared with Cas in his bedroom, Dean gave a last round on the library, where he found Jack sitting in front of the tree on the carpet and a bunch of floor pillows he suspected Gabriel had magicked looking in awe at how the lights turned on and off in random patterns.

“You gonna stay here all night?”

Jack turned to Dean with eyes shining in glee. Dean just sighed and went to grab one of the comfy lap blankets, throwing it on Jack’s shoulders.

“If you go back to your room remember to turn off the lights.”

“I will.” The kid stared a second at the man “Dean...? I love you.”

Dean smiled gently and made way to fuss Jack’s hair.

“Love ya too kid. Good night.”

“Good night.”

On his way to his bedroom he was joined by Gabriel.

“Sooo… I got this xxx-mas video right here, you wanna watch it at my room?”

Dean grabbed the case of the video, a latina, an asian and a redhead posing with the mandatory red sheer babydolls trimmed in white faux fur and santa hats. It was funny how even after watching the same shit again and again he always came back to them.

“Sure, why the heck not?”

They played the video after throwing themselves on Gabriel’s bed, filled with multiple silk cushions. Dean had to give it to Kali for teaching her man how to decorate in opulence. He accepted gratefully the whisky he was handled and went to focus on the video. There were no guys in the video, it was just the girls, opening presents that held dildos and vibrators inside and playing with each other. After a while, Dean just sighed frustrated.

“What’s wrong?”

Dean chuckled “I was kinda hoping for an idiot dressed as Santa I guess.”

Gabriel looked at Dean for the longest time and paused the video.

“Not that, Dean, something’s wrong with you today, all these days since Sam pitched in on doing Christmas.”

Dean turned to look at the archangel feeling clearly betrayed for being called out by the only person he would have expected never to be confronted about anything considering how well he was known for running away from facing stuff. And the worst was that he was unable to give a single pretext to get away from the interrogation. He tried, he knew he had tried his best to get around the issue but Gabriel had pressed on and on until Dean spilled it all out. All about the winter days spent in a room without heating, holding Sam closely wrapped in a blanket, the gift giving watched from outside a living room, all the Holidays his father had been out doing only god knows which hunt. He didn’t know when he had started crying in the middle of his rant. Why was he even talking? Why was he allowing anyone besides himself listen to all of this? It’s not like Gabriel would actually care. Heck, it’s not like he still cared about it so why on earth was he tearing this way?

“I’m sorry, Gabe, you don’t even need to listen to this.” Dean grunted softly in the middle of his frustration, looking down onto his already empty glass. Gabriel went to level his sight up by pulling Dean’s chin upwards softly.

“Maybe I don’t need to but I want to.”

Dean looked at him shocked for a second. Who on earth would actually want to listen to him rant about his past? Gabriel moved closer to Dean, overcoming the mountains and valleys of coloured fabric and laying by his side.

“You don’t believe me.” Before Dean could even admit or deny the fact, Gabriel magicked out a small giftwrapped box, the size of a kid’s toy and gave it to Dean. Dean looked the object curiously but didn’t make a move to open it.

“Shouldn’t you have waited until tomorrow?”

“I didn’t get to be your Secret Santa.”

Dean eyed his friend suspiciously but relented and began to tear down the paper. He would never admit it but he actually gasped when he finally found out the small Chevy ‘67 Impala model in front of him. It was just like his Baby, all the way up to its original license plate. It was a silly gift, really, nothing too awesome to think about, and yet he clearly remembered he had been wanting this particular model ever since he had seen it at a mall, ages ago. His father obviously not buying it because there was no reason for Dean to have it knowing they already were riding a real one. Deep down, Dean knew it had never been about the car.

It had been about his father doing something only for him.  

“I know I shouldn’t be peering on your thoughts but you’ve been sending away this image strongly all these past days, I thought it was something you really wanted.”

And now, after so many years there was someone paying attention to him, maybe cheating a little bit but hey, nothing was perfect in this world. Dean could feel more tears welling up, he had to talk before his voice was stolen.

“Thanks Gabe”

The archangel smiled at Dean warmly. There was a myriad of things going through his amber eyes, lighting them like he was able to hold galaxies inside.

“Don’t sweat it kiddo”

Dean snickered softly “I gotta admit I always thought of you as a conceited brat”

Gabriel just raised his eyebrows and smiled as well. “Well, I cannot deny that I have been quite the hedonist my entire life”

“Then what happened?”

“You.”

Dean turned towards the archangel in shock, clearly he must have listened wrong but Gabriel was just there looking at him in earnest. After what Dean thought of as an eternity in silence, Gabriel broke it one more time.

“I know you only see me as a friend. That’s alright. I’m good with the way things are… but I’m not glad if you’re not glad, so if something goes around your head; I’ll be there to listen. Okay?”

“...Okay”

Jody and the girls arrived the following day around five, making everything more chaotic and fun. They had dinner after seven and then watched a silly Christmas movie. Dean found it funny that none of them even imagined for a second that Gabriel was indeed the Gabriel, archangel, messenger of God. They all assumed he was a fellow hunter and Gabriel, well, he didn’t really mind clearing that particular misunderstanding.

Well past midnight they did the Secret Santa swap. Dean had somehow found a plush for Castiel online that according to him was called ‘Sammy Moose’ so it was perfect for him. Sam bickered about it but Cas didn’t put the plush down for any reason other than hold the real Sam close. Gabriel had received from Claire three pairs of silly Christmas socks with googly eyed elves that he immediately wore and some chocolates and Dean received in awe a guitar from Jody who only said she had traded from a colleague that never stuck with any hobby. By the end of it all, they were all singing Christmas carols and finishing all the dessert they could.

Maybe he was being hopeful, or maybe he had had a bit too much spiked eggnog but Dean finally felt like this was a holiday he could actually enjoy.

[imgilmoregirl]

AO3 Link

Notes: WARNING: This chapter has mentions to suicide and abortion.

The Truth About Him

It took Belle almost two months to decide that being a housewife wasn’t healthy for her. She felt absolutely bored during the first week but tried to convince herself that if she tried harder, it wouldn’t look so bad, so she started doing some non-stoppable cleaning, reorganised all the things Gold had gotten out of place – well, actually out of the place Belle considered right for them – brought all her stuff back from the library’s apartment, made research about Sarah’s future treatment with the stem cell, read lots of books and even tried to cook, but that life wasn’t for her.

She could do a million things in a day and she would still feel useless. It was during an afternoon tea with Alice and Grace in which she complained about how stagnated her life was that her friend suggested Belle could take a job at the school. Alice Madden was a teacher. One of the good ones, all the kids loved her and her joyful way of presenting new things. Belle had a Literature degree, but she had only ever worked in the library, so at the beginning she wasn’t sure if that could work.

Alice insisted in taking her there anyway and she met Jasmine Shirin, another teacher who was in need of an assistant. Belle had taken a walk around the corridors, seeing the children running around with notebooks in hand and suddenly, she smiled for herself, knowing it was something she could do and that would bring her a lot of joy, so she accepted the job and went home to tell the happy news to her husband.

Gold of course, was thrilled for her, he wanted her to take a rest from what was making her mind troubled and he was glad she had now found something that was healthy for her to do. Sarah spread the news about her mama working at her school in the next day, so then most of Storybrooke was knowing and whispering about it. She didn’t care. Belle told Archie this new job made her feel good and secure about herself in a way she hadn’t felt in months and he also supported her decision of taking it, so that was enough for her.

On Monday morning, Gold dropped Belle and Sarah at Granny’s for a special breakfast while he went on his journey of collecting the rent. It was her first day at the school, he had bought her a diamond necklace to celebrate it and they made passionate love in the night prior, which made Belle a bit sore in actual fact, but she couldn’t quite believe how happy she was feeling. She had a scan booked for the weekend, they would see their baby, discuss the plans for the birth and Sarah’s treatment and everything would be fine. Except for the one thing she didn’t want to think about.

After the scan, she planned on going to the cemetery and take some flowers to Bae and she hoped it wouldn’t affect her. The more her pregnancy advanced and the happier she felt, she was also reminded that Baden was no longer there to enjoy any of this with them.

Taking a long sip of her tea, she looked up at Sarah who was currently playing on the other side of the counter at Granny’s, being all spoiled by Mrs. Lucas, Ruby’s grandmother, while Ruby herself shoved a few – much more than a few – questions at Belle, who tried not to get annoyed at her best friend’s clear concern.

"Are you sure about that?"

"About my work?" Belle inquired. "Of course, I am. Alice was very gentle to help me getting it and I can't wait to start."

"But you quit from the library because you didn't want to face people," Ruby pointed out.

Sighing, Belle lifted her cup again, drinking all that was left of her tea before pushing it into Ruby's direction. She knew everybody had reasons to believe she couldn't do it, she was reluctant at first too, but Belle understood that her problem wasn't dealing with children nor with books as she did her whole life, but other people. Will, Regina and Hades were the main reasons why she decided to quit from the library.

"Yeah, cruel adults I mean," she shrugged. "I'll be working with kids, there is nothing wrong with that. Jasmine said they are learning how to read. It will be fascinating."

"I'm glad that makes you happy, Belle..." Ruby trailed off gesticulating towards her middle section. "But you're pregnant."

Oh, she was pretty aware of that. Her stomach was getting bigger and, in most clothes, people already see the solid curve of her bump, even with the loose dress she had chosen today it was pretty visible. She would never do anything that could put her child at risk, it was the sparkle that was shining from within her, bringing hope back to her life with the promise of saving Sarah too. Belle was careful, but she needed to do things for herself too.

"Ruby, I appreciate your concern, but you're not my mom! I will be fine, I promise."

"Alright," she snorted. "Guess I'll have to trust you."

"Good," the brunette smiled touching her shoulder before standing up. "Come on, Sarah, let Granny work, you and I have to go to school."

Rolling her eyes, Granny picked up a cookie and gave it to Sarah, pinching her rosy cheeks tenderly before letting the little girl follow her mother out of the diner. The school wasn't far from there and Belle thought a good walk was a nice way to start the day. She wasn't wearing any of her beloved high heels, which made it easier, but she considered earlier that the school wasn't the right place for this kind of shoes. And God forbid her from accidentally tripping and falling in her condition.

Belle took Sarah to her classroom first, leaving her with Mary Margaret and Alexandra who had also already arrived as her mother always had to go to work pretty earlier. She was glad Sarah didn't have to stay there all alone and went to the teacher's room with a lighter heart for knowing the two girls were currently colouring together in a good mood. The greatest part about being back home with Robert was that they could give her all those family moments she had been lacking in the past few months. Sarah never complained but both of them knew how much happier she was now. It was clear in the way she laughed and jumped cheerfully around the house.

Her dreams about Bae hadn't quite stopped, most mornings she would tell them about how they had spent hours talking and playing in a beautiful garden and how glad Baden was that their parents were back together and expecting a new child. Bobby and Belle got to the conclusion that Sarah missed him too much to simply let go. She looked healthier now that the meds were working, although sometimes she would still be too tired to do anything and would just want to sleep.

Caressing her bump, Belle told herself that very soon she would be cured and be back to who she was. She pushed the door open and peeked a look inside to see a bunch of women talking around a big table, some of them writing in notebooks, some just having a delayed breakfast. A petite brunette lifted her eyes to Belle and smile widely, waving at her.

"Hey, Belle, it is very nice to see you," she started, standing up and making her way towards her. "I think the kids will love having you around."

"Thanks, Jasmine."

She joined the teachers, being introduced to everyone and feeling nice for the first time in the presence of so many people. When the time came, Jasmine guided her to their classroom on the second floor and they waited until all of the children were settled on their tables before Jasmine stood in front of them.

"Alright you all," she started, gesticulating for Belle to stand up too. "Say hello to Mrs. Gold, our new class assistant."

"Hello, Mrs. Gold," the kids answered in unison.

Jasmine started her lessons and Belle sat back by her table, taking a few notes before she stood up and started to walk around the classroom to see if any of the children were having trouble doing them. She stopped by a little blonde girl and kneeled beside her, seeing how she stared confused at the words.

"Do you want some help with that?"

The girl nodded and presented herself as Amy and Belle helped her to put the letters together, repeating the sound of each one of them with her like she used to do with Bae and Sarah.

"Did you eat too much?" Amy asked at some point, dropping her eyes to her bump. "You have a full tummy."

"Oh, it is not food," Belle chuckled. "I'm having a baby."

Amy's eyes got wide and she had a few questions to Belle before she moved to the next child. Apparently that girl had never seen a pregnant woman before, which was quite amusing. She kneeled beside a skinny boy with a way too pale skin and black curled hair.

"My mom is afraid of your husband," he said as soon as she approached him.

"Is she?" Belle blinked.

"He always wants his rent and we never have enough money."

The kids had an interesting opinion about her husband, Belle found out. That was probably due to all the gossip about him and although she didn't agree with the way Gold used to threaten his tenants, but she knew that if he was a soft man with everybody he would never get his payment. It just didn't make her feel any less sorry for the people who really didn't have money to pay for the rent every month, like that poor boy.

By the end of the day, Belle was exhausted, but also very happy. She gathered her things and picked Sarah up from her class, thanking Mary Margaret for her day of work and going out of the school to find her husband waiting for them with a bouquet of red roses in his hand. Smiling at him Belle kissed his lips, tucking Sarah inside the car alongside with their things and the roses which she thanked Gold for. He caught her in his arms, kissing the top of her head as he caressed her stomach.

"So, what do you think of your first day of teaching?"

"I think we are lucky parents," she said with a sigh. "They are a bunch of curious brats, but I like it."

"I'm glad you found something to do," he answered nuzzling his face at her neck. "I'd be sad if knitting was your only hobby."

A laugh escaped her at the remembrance of Gold and Sarah arriving home after a long day just to find her curled up on the couch, knitting white baby hats. She had never been good at it, but she got way too bored of everything, Belle opened her laptop and searched for video tutorials, thinking it would be a great way spending her time. Robert made fun of her whenever he found her knitting, telling Belle how much she reminded him of his aunties when she was doing that.

Stealing another kiss from his lips, she considered murmuring on his ear all the things she wished him to do with her that night, but Belle didn't quite have time for it, as a man approached them with a perfect sceptical smile on his lips.

"Mr. and Mrs. Gold," Jonathan Hades greeted them. "Hello."

Clutching her husband close, Belle felt her heart race in that painful pace it hadn't reached in weeks.

"Mr. Hades," Robert murmured back, nodding at him and trying to swallow the lump on his throat.

"Lovely afternoon, right? Sometimes I like taking long walks, watching the town moves and remember about remarkable events. The tool bridge and the park have seen quite memorable ones," Hades said with a dark smile that made her stomach twist and a shiver pass through her body. "I thought you weren't together anymore, but that's not a big surprise I guess."

Gold was still in her arms, his jaw clenched and his arms possessively wrapped around Belle, one holding her back as his left hand remained splayed on her bump.

"We should always fight for the ones we love," the brunette answered, wishing he would just go away.

"Oh, you're right, my dear," Hades agreed. "Now what really is surprising is that you have another bread on the oven."

Looking down, Belle noticed that her biggest fear was becoming true. Hades had found out about her pregnancy, well that counting that he hadn't yet heart about that. She knew every single person in town would eventually know about it, as her belly grew bigger to nestle that new life, but out of all the grumpy old people who could spread all the bad humours about them, the only one she feared knowing about that was Hades. Robert still knew things that could put him in jail and he could still want them dead.

"Our miracle," Belle finally replied, joining her hand with Gold's above her stomach.

"That's just touching," Hades said. "Miracles happen once in a while, but of course, you need to take care to not let them die or fade away."

"What - " Gold started but Belle interrupted him.

"Have a good afternoon, Mr. Hades," she finished off, letting it clear to him that this conversation was over.

"You too."

Hades dived his hands into his coat's pockets and followed his way down the street, leaving Isabelle and Robert Gold alone again. She saw as her husband released the air he was holding and his hands tightened in fists as he dropped them to his sides.

"God help me, Belle, I'm going to kill him."

"No," she exclaimed. "No, my love, you have to promise me you won't do this! I was wrong when I said I wanted Hades dead, we shall not avenge Bae with our own hands."

"He has just threatened our baby and he killed our boy," he yelled back and Belle was glad there was no one else around to hear it.

She took a look inside the car and saw that Sarah was thankfully distractedly playing with a stuffed duck singing to herself and not paying attention at all at her parents.

"I know," Belle whispered, covering her belly with a protective hand.

"The gun is still in my safe," Robert confided her, talking about the objected he had acquired right before Robin was killed and it became clear that Storybrooke was no longer a safe place to live. "I thought about taking my own life with it many times during our separation but now I think it can be of better use."

"Bobby..." Belle trailed off, taking a step into his direction and palming his cheek. "Please, don't speak like that anymore, I don't want you to ever feel like this again."

He snorted, but nodded, taking her back into his arms and pressing his forehead against hers.

"I won't," Gold promised. "I thought I would never find happiness again, but you are right, Belle, we must fight for the ones we love and that's why I must get rid of Hades."

"Look at my eyes," she asked as he had them shut close. "We have what we need and we will stay very far away from him, alright? Now, please take me home."

Kissing her wrist, Gold nodded, opening the car’s door for her and making his way to the driver’s side, not quite ready to forget Hades’ threat, but willing to take a break from his murderous thoughts towards him to take care of his family.

Rogers initially had plans of going straight to San Francisco as soon as Will Scarlet told him about Zelena Mills, but when in the next morning after it, he found out the idiot had been arrested for harassment, he decided to be careful and not trust his words so easily. Along the next few weeks, he made the most innocent questions he could to people around town about Robin as he tried to take any information about Zelena from her sister, the mayor.

When she confirmed that Zelena had moved to San Francisco, Rogers decided to invest everything in trying to find her. He couldn’t simply ask Regina for an address, because the stress of the whole situation would only cause a bomb to explode in town and, if Hades was crazy enough to kill Robin and sabotage the Gold’s car, then Rogers was pretty sure he would anything to shut up anyone who tried to put in in prison.

He went back to his home in Seattle, the agitated Hyperion Heights, so he could use the precinct’s resources to make a proper research, while he caught up some lost time with Sabine, his girlfriend, who was really upset by his absence. Tilly was happy to be back and spend some time with her soon-to-be step-mother too, mainly because Sabine was always cooking for her and well, Tilly loved food.

Those were nice weeks but work still called him – most literally as his phone usually had a hundred missing calls from Regina daily – and he had to meet up with Zelena at some point. He left Tilly behind, for safety reasons and begged Sabine to not let Eloise, the little girl’s mother, get any near to her.

He spent a whole day at the hotel, revising his notes about the case and trying to memorize every detail about this twisted story that he had collected before going to the gym where she worked as a spin instructor. Rogers waited outside her class for almost an hour, annoyed by the loud music until the people started to come out of there and he could finally enter the room. Zelena was all alone, drying her sweaty face with a towel.

"Zelena Mills?"

For a second, she went still, then her hand disappeared inside the opened pure in front of her to appear again a moment later with a gun in it. One that was being pointed right at his chest.

"Who are you?" Zelena inquired, wildly. "Who the hell are you?"

"Whoa, calm down," he begged, opening his distinctive for her, which made Zelena drop her hands to her sides, lowering the gun. "I'm detective Rogers, I'm investigating the murder of Robin de Locksley. Can we talk?"

She bit down her lip, getting her purse in hands and gesticulating towards the door behind them.

"Come inside."

He followed her to what looked like a mini-kitchen, very, very tiny, will dark walls, a huge fridge that took most of the room’s space and a counter with four stools in front of it. Zelena opened the refrigerator’s door and took a bottle of whiskey from it, pouring a glass for her and taking a second with a question shining in her eyes.

"Do you want a drink?"

"Ah... No, thank you."

Nodding, she took a seat and, after a moment, so did Rogers. He didn’t quite know how to start talking, for the very first time in his entire career, because Zelena looked scared as hell as she took a long sip of whiskey and sighed deeply, avoiding his glance.

"You want to know why Hades killed him," it was her who started.

"Yes."

"Robin was trying to help me," she confessed. "It was my fault."

Well, it seems Scarlet was really right about that. He took an attentive look at Zelena, trying to catch all the emotions she was feeling, but only noticing how different she and Regina were. The woman in front of him was a tall redhead with light blue eyes, with Regina was way smaller and had chocolate hair and eyes. His best guess was that they were just half-sisters, but then, it didn’t matter now.

"I've hear you were going to marry Hades."

"Yeah, I was," she murmured. "I loved him, very much. In the beginning he was sweet and full of love, but then things changed, he wanted to rule my life, he wouldn't allow me to work or to visit my sister… I was all alone and when I tried to stand up for myself, he beat me. I had to run away."

"I understand," Rogers said, sincerely. "But how exactly did Robin get involved?"

Along his years as a detective, Rogers had seen a lot of cases with women like her involved, but most of them ended-up being killed by their abusive partners, or simply disappearing without leaving a clue. Never a second person other than the female victim died. At least, that was what most experiences showed him, but this story somehow, had a unique ending. One which’s reasons Roger’s needed to find out.

Truth be told, he thought it would be way harder to get anything from Zelena, but she seemed to have the need to speak up. Probably because she had spent years holding the truth for herself.

"He used to do some gardening for us once a week, so one day when he came over I begged him to help me," she told him. "I knew it was dangerous and I would anger Hades, but I needed to go, so he drove me to New York first. I spent a full month hidden in there, changing from hotel to hotel until Will Scarlet managed to fake an ID for me and I came to San Francisco."

"But why didn't Hades kill Robin all those years ago when you first disappeared?"

"He didn’t know what I did," Zelena said, drinking more from her whiskey before lifting her cold blue eyes to him. "Listen, Regina has no idea of what really happened, she thinks we just broke up and I moved out of town, so one day she told Hades I had a daughter."

Rogers blinked. Now things were starting to make more sense.

"You were hiding his child?"

"No," she said with a shook of her head, tracing the border of her glass. "Thank God, my sweet Margot is not his, but my husband's, Chad. Hades just didn't know that until very recently as I was pregnant when I left. He spent years looking for me because he thought I was keeping his child from him, but when he finally decided to give up on his search and went back to Storybrooke, Regina told him I had a daughter and was living in here, so he came looking for me."

She hissed at the thought as if just the remembrance of that day made her feel some kind of invisible – and maybe psychological – pain. Rogers must not know every detail of this story yet, but he could already say that Hades was a bastard who should be sentenced to many years in prison.

"Did he hurt you?"

"He tried. Chad stopped him," Zelena snorted. "When I told him that I had made an abortion he went mad. I thought he was going to kill me."

"So instead he came back home and killed Robin," Rogers concluded.

The redhead nodded and a tear slid down her face, falling on the dark counter in front of them.

"Yeah. Robin was my saviour. He booked the appointment at the clinic and held my hand while the doctor worked..." Now she was shaking and Rogers could tell none of this had been easy for her. Whoever Zelena Mills was and whatever she had done, she still suffered for it. "I wanted to have that child, but I couldn't bear to be bonded to Hades forever."

"I'm not judging you. I just wanted the truth," Rogers affirmed. "You need to come to Storybrooke with me, Zelena, so we can put Hades in prison."

Waving her head at him, Zelena slid down from her tall stool, grabbing her purse and leaving her half-empty glass on the counter.

"You don't have any real proof that he killed Robin," she started. "When you do, we can talk again, so I'll be sure I won't expose myself for nothing."

Opening up the door again, Zelena Mills disappeared, leaving Rogers alone to wonder what the hell he could do with the truth if she was totally right and he had no real ways of arresting Hades. At least, not yet.

Ultrasounds always got Belle nervous. She would be pacing around the room if Ariel hadn’t already covered her skirt with towels so the gel wouldn’t ruin it, but she guessed that having her husband sat by her side, murmuring how much he loved her was a great incentive to be still while they waited. Doctor Whale appeared after what seemed to be a long hour but was actually just a few minutes.

He was holding a red folder in his hands, which he was calling “the miracle” folder as it contained all of Belle and Sarah’s medical story, from their diagnostics of infertility and multiple organs failure to a surprisingly pregnancy and a sudden waken from the coma. Ever since she found herself expecting, he was tracing down the best ways of doing every single thing and she was glad to have someone as dedicated as him taking care of them.

"Hey," Whale greeted them. "Nice to see you two again, although I'm happy our meetings are not so frequent anymore. I'm glad Sarah is alright for now."

"And so are we," Gold said, petting Belle’s hair. "But I can help worrying about her all the time, I think that sometimes she looks way too pale and she is always tired."

"It all will come to pass when we start the treatment with the stem cells, which leads me to something I want to discuss," the doctor started, taking a seat on his tiny stool by the ultrasound machine. "I think this baby should be delivered with a C-section. I know you must want a natural birth, Belle, but this way we will make sure everything goes according the plan and both the baby and the cells are perfectly safe."

She wetted her lips. Belle hadn’t thought about that. Her previous delivery had been natural and she just assumed this one would be too, painful contractions and all, but now the reality hit her. She needed to understand that the child wasn’t the only factor to be considered, but the blood that contained the cells too and without it, they would lose Sarah, so she better agree with anything the doctors proposed.

"I - I think we can do this."

"Right," Whaled smiled. "I have two friends from Seattle who would love to work with us. They are very interested in you and Sarah, for medical boring reasons, so if you allow you'll have the best paediatrician and the best neo-natal surgeons coming over to Storybrooke to take care of you."

"Oh, that's fine," she said, amused with the fact anyone would want to come all the way from Seattle just to help with a labour and an anaemia treatment.

"And suddenly it becomes a show down…" Gold trailed off, also impressed.

Whale laughed, picking up the bottle of gel and spreading some on Belle’s stomach with the help of his probe. She had to admit that she didn’t enjoy being pressed by that thing, but then it was needed if she ever wanted to see her precious miracle baby on the black and white screen.

"Doctors have funny hobbies, Mr. Gold," Whale said. "Now, let's see the little one."

For a moment, Belle closed her eyes. It was her fear of something – anything – going wrong that made her feel so anxious again, although not in the way she had been feeling after the accident. Some days were so good and so normal lately that she considered if she had been cured of her anxiety, but then, all of the sudden her heart raced and she knew she would never be truly free of it.

"Everything seems to be just fine," the doctor murmured.

"Can you see if it is a boy or a girl?" Belle asked.

"Yes. Do you want to know?"

She looked up at Gold and he nodded, excitedly.

"We do."

Whale moved the probe down on her belly and pointed at the lower parts of the baby, making a red circle with a button of his machine.

"Here," he said, pointing it out. "No doubt a boy."

The whole world stopped. She wanted to cry. Curl herself in a corner and just weep because she was so overwhelmed with this that she couldn’t really find words to say how much. Gold helped her to clean herself of the gel when Whale left and then, took Belle to the corridor, but she was walking as if she was blind, only focused in the thoughts of little Baden walking around with small chubby legs and a giggle that warmed her heart in the most special way.

"Sweetheart, are you alright?"

"We are not replacing Bae, right?"

"Oh, Belle, of course not," Gold guaranteed, cupping her cheeks and kissing the top of her nose. "He wanted a little brother, remember? You've said it yourself."

"But he won't be here to play with him,” she sniffled. “I miss our Baden."

"We will miss him forever," Robert whispered. "I can't spend a day without thinking about him, remembering his laugh or the times he crawled into bed with us, talking about a bad dream."

Some tears were falling from her eyes, but he promptly brushed them away. Belle was glad he was there, because if she was doing all of this alone, then she thought that she wouldn’t be able to take it.

"It breaks my heart to remember."

"Let's not be sad right now, we should be celebrating this news," Gold said. "We have a healthy son on the way, Belle."

A little smile appeared on her lips and she felt for the very first time a quick coming from within her. She took Gold’s hand above the place and it kicked again. Their son, making his presence known, assuring her that her fears were stupid, because she would never stop loving Bae just because she now loved him too. And oh, how much did Belle love him!

"I already love him very much, Bobby,” she felt the need to say. “I want him to look just like you."

"Poor thing," Gold chuckled.

The moment was interrupted by a shout that came from the other end of the hallway, which led to the maternity waiting room.

"Robert!"

"Jefferson?” Gold inquired, glancing up at their friend that looked way too messy, as if he had come straight from his bed. “What are you doing here?"

"She is born," Jefferson exclaimed. "My daughter is born! Come and see her!"

Belle blinked but got a hold of Gold’s hand and followed them to the room where lots of babies were laying, some of them sleeping peacefully, some screaming loudly. Jefferson pointed at a tiny baby girl, wrapped in a white blanked with a pink hat on her small head.

"There my dear friends, is Margaret Elizabeth Madden."

They smiled, the babies cried, the little boy that was still to be born kicked and Belle Gold felt hope.

[myselfinserts]

Perhaps, if he’d paid attention in class, he wouldn’t have been remembered as such a failure.

The end of the quarter was coming. The break before the summer sessions would be starting soon. As a result, everyone was rushing to get study time in the library. The private rooms were booked out until the end of finals. And Regi was struggling to get his work done in French. 

So when Lisette came by the other day to help with the kittens and asked if he wanted to join her study group, he jumped at the chance. Most of his friends were already in it. At least, he considered them all friends. Henri and Grégory for sure. And Blanche, of course. He still wasn’t certain on where he stood with Allard, but he was sure it wasn’t outright hatred. Massive dislike and reluctant acceptance? At the very least, he was certain the man didn’t hate him nearly as much as he did before the Perun tour.  

Better than nothing, he supposed. 

He’d arrived to class early, prepping the seats with school approved study books for the upcoming assignment, when he’d gotten the notification on his phone. Lisette had sent him a link to the study group’s chat. 

Smiling, he clicked the link.

>  'Grumpy Cat Owner' added 'Reginald Gladstone' to the group.

>  'Vast Queen' changed 'Reginald Gladstone' to 'Otter Child'

Otter Child: Wait. Wait, why am I 'Otter Child'.

Vast Queen: This is why.

Regi felt his ears burning as he saw the image of himself be uploaded to the group chat. He hadn't realized he'd been photographed. His last hair tie had snapped that morning, so his hair was down the entire day yesterday. He'd also happened to be studying. In the quad. After having found a really nice, smooth, perfectly sized rock just the day before. Marianne had talked to him about 'stress stones' and their uses. He thought it'd be a good one for it. And it was.

Until he was photographed using it to run through his hair like a baby otter.

Otter Child: Okay. I think I earned that one.

Étienne Allard: I hope you cleaned that rock before putting it in your hair, Gladstone.

Otter Child: Of course I did!

> 'Vast Queen' changed 'Étienne Allard' to 'Delightful Sunshine'.

Delightful Sunshine: Must you change my name every time I log in.

Gay-zer-Beam: Get used to it Allard.

Otter Child: There's no icons, who is who?

Gay-zer Beam: It's Didier, dumbass.

Otter Child: Seriously?

Gay-zer Beam: I make one mention of liking 'The Incredibles' and this has been my nickname since.

Grumpy Cat Owner: To be fair, Edna Mode is a mood.

Otter Child: A big mood.

Delightful Sunshine: What the hell is an 'Edna Mode'?

Otter Child: EXCUSE ME?! I’m shocked YOU of all people don’t know about Edna!

Vast Queen: Looks like we’ll have to watch it during break.

Delightful Sunshine: Absolutely not. And Gladstone, aren’t you supposed to be in class doing prep work?

Otter Child: You remembered?

Glitter Princess: Who would have guessed.

Handy Man: They shall have a summer wedding.

Vast Queen: Oh, how sweet~

Otter Child: Please don’t.

Gay-zer Beam: Always pictured Gladstone as more of a Winter Wedding man, but Summer makes more sense for Allard.

Delightful Sunshine: I hate all of you.

Otter Child: Please no talks of weddings while I’m having girlfriend trouble. 

Glitter Princess: girlfriend trouble?

Handy Man: Sorry Regi. That’s gotta be tough. 

Delightful Sunshine: Can’t relate. 

Gay-zer Beam: Same. 

Otter Child: The Subject. Change it. Please. 

Glitter Princess: Okay. New Subject: I heard one of your classmates tried to kill Perun. That true?

Otter Child: NO

Delightful Sunshine: Just his assistant. 

Otter Child: THERE WAS NO ATTEMPTED MURDER

Gay-zer Beam: Pity. I heard the guy was a potential drop out and a hopeful for the Perun internship. Double duty failure.

Grumpy Cat Owner: Pretty sad he won’t be remembered much now. Heard he had a pretty nifty Quirk.

Handy Man: Oh how the hopeful fall fast. 

Delightful Sunshine: Perhaps, if he’d paid attention in class, he wouldn’t have been remembered as such a failure.

Otter Child: Pretty sure I’ll be remembering him for more than his class placement. He owes me a pair of glasses.

Delightful Sunshine: As if he would pay for those. 

Gay-zer Beam: Anyway, I gotta go. I have Dolce’s class next. We on for next week, Lydie?

Glitter Princess: Only if you found me a tutor for Japanese like I asked. No tutor, no treats. 

Grumpy Cat Owner: We got you one, don’t worry. 

Otter Child: Wait, is that why you invited me to the group?

Grumpy Cat Owner: No, I also want you to learn better French. No offense, but you suck at it. 

Delightful Sunshine: Finally something we agree on.

Otter Child: Okay, fair. So what are we talking? Just writing or speaking Are you learning common or standard? Particular dialects? I have tons of work books we can look over but it’ll help if I know where we’re starting from.

Glitter Princess: .......

Gay-zer Beam: We’ll show you the worksheets later. I need help too. 

Vast Queen: We’ll send you the date and time for the study session. It’s at the same cafe we usually hit up.

Otter Child: Okay. 

Hearing the door click, Regi sighed, shooting a quick goodbye before putting his phone away as Rosine walked into the classroom. She was rolling in a couple of boxes, all of which he recognized from the office just two days ago. He fought the burning of his ears. 

“Can you place these files to the assigned numbered student please?” Rosine asked. “Last big assignment before the end of term and it’s vital that no one gets missed.”

“Sure thing, Madam.” Regi took one of the boxes, opening one up and smiling as he got to work. “Is this the ‘Two Sides, Same Coin’ assignment?”

Rosine nodded. “Yes. And this year because the pool is so large, this assignment is crucial. So don’t screw up the pass outs.”

“Got it.” He paused. “Mind if I ask who I got? Or do I have to wait for my cake like the rest of the kids?”

She smiled, letting out a small snort. “I gave you Chimera Third. Figured that would be a good challenge for you.” Rosine started writing on the board. “By the way, about last night-”

Regi winced. He’d been trying hard to forget about it. A robbery in progress that he was about to take care of on the clock, and Mary swooped in and not only finished it for him, but did so off the clock, forgetting her permit to operate in Paris back in her hotel room. A room which was no doubt racking up a lot of money. And no doubt the person behind the robbery would use that fact to get the charges dropped. 

How am I going to deal with her? 

“I swear, Madam, I had no idea Mary would-”

“I’ve already sent a complaint to the EHA on behalf of the agency. They said they’ll arrange for Mary to go home by the start of next year.” Rosine’s nose wrinkled. “I was hoping it’d be sooner, but it’ll only be sooner if the Geodes decide she’s worth scouting.”

“I’m sorry,” He muttered. 

“Don’t apologize, Regi. I’m glad you handled the situation as well as you did. You’re rather brave.”

This made him pause. “What’s so brave about telling off my girlfriend for interfering with work?”

Rosine stopped writing, glancing over her shoulder with a soft, forlorn look. “Reginald, speaking up against loved ones can be far harder than speaking up against an enemy. And I’ve seen McMiller. If I were to be honest...you could do better. You should do better.”

This took him aback. “Huh?”

Rosine simply shrugged and turned back to the board. “Sorry, I overstepped. You’re a smart boy. You’ll figure it out.”

Regi said nothing, and continued to pass out the files, struggling to focus long enough to get it done. Mary always had a way of screwing him over it seemed. 

At least I have the study group now. And Meatloaf. And Luci’s visit coming up next week. Yeah. Yeah, I’ll manage. Just one day at a time. 

The students started filing in not long after Regi finished passing out the folders. He made himself comfortable, feeling a slight sense of unease at some of the students’ reactions to the files. No one touched them yet, but they seemed rather stumped. 

After role call, Rosine stood up front. “Before you are files on Heroes who have been well known in international circles for the last fifty years. You will not know who you’ve been assigned until you open your files. Your job is to create an essay on the Hero you’ve been assigned, going over how their involvement in the world of support affected it and vice versa, and then by the last week of the term, I expect them all turned in. Extra credit will be given to those who also do a presentation.” She glanced across the room, taking in the piercing gaze of the students. “As you’ve seen after our little field trip, one of you has already been knocked out of the running. This assignment is crucial to your moving on in my courses specifically. To those who are failing, this essay will bring you up to a passing grade and allow you to move up with any teacher you pick. However-” her eyes narrowed - “only 60% of you will be able to move on to my advanced classes. Even less if you get subpar marks.” Rosine smiled. “But most of you are passing, so there’s no need to worry too much.” 

Regi remained quiet, his mind still wandering away from him slightly after the previous night's patrol. He was too tired to pay attention to anyone else complaining. And there were complaints. He could hear the occasional groan or gasp of disbelief. This was considered one of Rosine’s harder assignments, rather infamous among the school. 

“Alright. Your syllabus is with your files, please take the rest of class to read them over.” With a turn, she headed back to her seat to start in on some paperwork. 

"Madame! Can I switch with someone for this essay?!"

Here we go, Regi thought, flipping open his file. 

"And why," Rosine started, "would I allow that, Monseiur Dosier?"

Dosier held up his hero file. "You gave me some no named D-lister from a little island off the coast of the UK. How the hell am I supposed to do an essay on his support tech escapades?"

This caught Regi's attention.

Rosine gave Dosier a hard stare. "That hero whose profile you hold was the number three on his hero association's leaderboard for a little over a decade and only just recently retired. Not to mention he's relatively respected by the Canadian branches of support design, particularly by Matsumoto Inc. I'd hardly call that a 'no named D-lister'."

Dosier did not seem to want to listen. "But no one even knows how to get any of the info on his tech! This file is just two pages! No contacts, no hero agency, nothing! You're setting me up to fail!"

Right away, Regi knew who he was talking about. And it would be an easy A for him. But he remained quiet. He wanted to actually feel like he earned this grade. 

"If someone is willing to switch with you, then fine. I won't stop you." She turned back to her paperwork. "Just know that who you get in return might end up being tougher on your skills than this one. Though I don't know anyone else brave enough to research the bastard. Probably the most difficult profile I assign when this essay comes about."

"Then why assign it?!"

"I'll take it." 

Much to everyone's surprise, Étienne stood up and walked over to Dosier, taking the file before dropping another, much larger stack of files, on his desk. Regi watched him carefully. He seemed almost excited. A glint in his eye he rarely saw. 

"I'd gotten All Might. Frankly, his foray into the world of support items doesn't interest me. I'd prefer a challenge." Étienne returned to his seat, leaving Dosier gaping like a fish. "Now will you kindly shut the fuck up?"

Regi tried very hard not to snort and turned back to his file, already making notes on some of the topics he’d cover. He’d never really explored much into support design and Beast Power quirks on his own before, but he wanted to. This would be the perfect chance. 

About ten minutes before class wrapped up, Regi got a text. 

> Last I checked, your uncle’s name was supposed to be Elbert Silverson, correct?

> That’s right. He’s technically my half-uncle. He’s my mom’s half sister. 

> Then why the hell do some of these early files have his name listed as Manabu Hirano? 

> Ah. That’s a bit of a long story on the why part, but the short of it is he took his mother’s maiden name when his parents divorced and decided to go by his middle name instead.  

> Stupid decision. Elbert is a stupid sounding name. 

> Better than Reginald tho, right? My grandparents used to call me “Reiji” if you’d prefer to call me that. 

> Fucking stuff it, Gladstone. If I need anything else for this assignment, I’ll message you. 

> Not a problem. Oh, and here’s a photo of Amber from this morning. She’s in a bit of a milk coma. 

> NOT IN CLASS YOU IDIOT!

> Sorry!

Regi winced, but still glanced down at Étienne from his spot in the back. He could just make out the tiniest of smiles. Not enough to be noticed by anyone else in class, but enough that he could distinct it from his usual grimace. 

He resisted the urge to text Étienne further, and turned back to his work. 

[vestedbeauty]

Go Outside and Play! (Yes, YOU)

New Post has been published on https://vestedbeauty.com/go-outside-and-play-yes-you/

Go Outside and Play! (Yes, YOU)

How many times did we hear it as kids? “Go outside and play!” (possibly followed by, “and don’t come home until the streetlights are on!”)

As a kid growing up in the seventies, getting to go outside and play - especially during the summer - was a huge part of life. We lived in a neighborhood with lots of kids. Many of the moms stayed home or were just easing they way back into the workforce. It was a different time.

Looking back, it’s no surprise that the moms wanted us out, out, out! In prior generations, parents didn’t really play with their kids. Kids played with kids. 

It may not have been perfectly safe. (OK, it was definitely not perfectly safe.) We did a lot of stuff that seems dangerous now:

Playing unsupervised in other kids’ homes

Tromping through the woods until we got lost

Skating on the little pond at the end of the street… even if the ice wasn’t thick enough

Riding our bikes (helmets? ha!) all over creation, usually without even telling anyone where we were going

We got sunburnt, ate junk food whenever the opportunity presented, and drank Kool-Aid made with a whole cup of sugar. I literally dreamt of bubble gum, packs of watermelon Bubbalicious and grape Bubble Yum so real I could taste it.

"Dangerous" But Fun

And at the end of a long, hot summer day, we slept like babies.

I don’t know how we learned so many games to play. There was no internet, of course, and I can’t imagine finding a book full of games at the library. Still, we played all the usual games (hide and seek, kill the guy with the ball, and kickball). But somehow we also found out about Red Rover, TV tag, freeze tag, SPUD, and four square. And we made a bunch up, too, like bicycle shop (turn it upside-down, crank the pedal as fast as you can, pretend to fix stuff using blades of grass and sticks). 

It’s like there was some invisible network between children, where vital information traveled without the assistance of media or adults. There was always some kid who knew stuff. That’s the one who gave everyone else the scoop on current events, like when “Mikey” ate pop-rocks and drank a Coke at the same time and died.

Friendships started because of proximity. Not everyone got along. There was the girl who cried way too much, the boy with the hair-trigger temper who was always fighting, the kids whose parents wouldn’t let them play with anyone in the neighborhood. Of course, there were the kids who were too little, who were dying to be invited to play. 

And there were the “big kids” who never seemed to come outside. Well, unless they were hanging out on the porch or by their pool (so jealous!) with their high schooler friends. We held those big kids in reverence. It seemed impossible to even imagine the same girl I saw kissing her boyfriend (ON THE LIPS!) ever sitting in the grass, trying to find the perfect blade to use for a whistle.

Playing Outside Isn't Just for Kids

And then, one day, we were the big kids. Outside wasn’t for playing - it was for transportation or chores, if anything.

Actually, it didn’t happen all at once. We had a few years’ span in our ages. But somewhere around the seventh-grade mark, our friend groups shifted from the neighborhood to the classroom. I remember discovering that I could have school friends come over to hang out. We might walk home from school together, but we’d spend our time indoors - or maybe walk to the 7-Eleven store up the road to buy a Diet Coke. Then back to the house to listen to records, make prank calls, watch General Hospital, and gossip. We got part-time jobs working indoors, at least all mine were. 

Then it was off to college. I went to Rutgers University, which is spread across five campuses (there are satellite campuses, but I never saw them). That meant lots of bus rides and tons of walking. At the time, I didn’t mind walking miles and miles each day - unless I was running late for class. It was just part of life. 

The yellow, orange, and red leaves on the trees in the fall semester were a stunning welcome to the first semester. I remember feeling especially alive and connected to… something… as I’d kick my way through piles of fallen leaves. The winters felt harsh, though. Duck boots were great for navigating ice, and they probably did wonders for thigh muscles because they were so heavy. But snow in New Jersey is really only nice for a few hours before it gets dirty and slushy. Not that fun to be outside then.

In graduate school, I only remember being outside to walk to class - or walk to work if I didn’t have a ride. At some point, I took up early morning walks to clear my head. It was South Hamilton, Massachusetts, and there may be no more beautiful spot than New England - especially in autumn.

Yes - that's NJ! The Delaware Water Gap is gorgeous, especially in autumn.

Adulting Is Better with Outside Time

After my ex graduated, we moved to Jackson, New Jersey, and I took a job at an accounting firm about an hour away (unless traffic was really bad). With two hours of commuting and eight hours in the office, plus weekends taken up by my role in his job (another post, another time), outside time became a memory. 

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Well, unless you count sleeping outdoors in our backyard on blankets because without air conditioning, our house was unbearable! (I always wondered if the neighbors knew - they had air!)

But I remember one day feeling like this entirely indoors existence felt like a rip-off. I bought some plants, seeds, and seedling trees, and started a tiny garden. I set an alarm to get up thirty minutes earlier and spent the extra time kneeling in the grass, hands in the dirt. 

The results shocked me. It felt like I had a life again. My mind wandered - even frolicked! - as I played in the soil. Something therapeutic happened as I pulled weeds. That outdoors time was mine alone.

Out with the Kids - But It’s Not Quite the Same

Soon, we started a family. I went part-time with my job, which meant two ten hour days in the office each week, plus several hours at home. On the days I was home, I loved nothing more than bundling my first baby up and going for a long walk in the neighborhood. We had an incident with some dogs that might have ended that practice (I love dogs, but this was scary). But I just switched routes. Then, a few months later, there was a truly horrific crime in our neighborhood. Never again would I feel safe letting my son (and my daughter who was born just a couple years later) play outside without my eyes on them.

I’d made some girlfriends who also had kids at the same time (there was a pregnancy pact - maybe a post for another day!). We loved taking the kids to parks, petting zoos, and a nearby lake. They’d play, we’d talk. These were some of my favorite days. 

But the world had changed. We moved a bunch, and there never seemed to be many kids in the neighborhood - certainly not playing outside. There were playdates, but they weren’t spontaneous. Kids never seemed to come calling, ringing the doorbell and asking if my kids could come out and play. I saw them becoming indoor-dwellers, and while it felt sad, it also seemed like the logical course.

Along the way, we’d moved to Florida. It’s hot. It’s humid. Most people seem to stay indoors unless they’re at the beach or poolside. I learned to take early morning walks with my dog. If we didn’t get home by about 6:30, it felt like walking in a steam bath. 

Freelancers Don’t Go Outside and Play

We needed money. I needed something creative to do - especially while the kids were at school. So, I started a freelance writing business. It took off quickly. Soon, I was working every minute the kids were at school. Then, the workload expanded and I worked when they got home, too. Then weekends. “Outside” was nothing more than the few feet between the front door and minivan door. “Playing” felt like frivolity. Working “all the time” was both a burden and a point of pride for me. I’d set my prices too low, and was too timid to raise them. For several years, I was the primary breadwinner. I felt so tightly-wound that I could barely remember feeling lighthearted, playful, or relaxed.

Let’s just fast-forward about a decade. Kids are grown. (I am astonished to learn my love, respect, and enjoyment of them has somehow gotten 100x deeper with time - didn’t think it was possible.) I’m in a new marriage, living in a little town outside Huntsville, Alabama. The freelance writing business is now an agency, and while I help steer it, I have a team who takes care of my clients. I also work full-time as the editorial director at Capitalism.com - a “job” I love with people I adore. 

Life gets busy. But having reached 53, I have gathered at least this piece of wisdom, which I practice daily: Go outside and play.

Playing no longer looks like choosing teams, running around, and flopping onto the grass. 

It looks more like sliding into my funky little rubber boots  tending my flock of backyard hens. It’s moving piles of mulch and preparing garden beds. It might be mowing. Or it could be an after-lunch walk with my hubby and the dogs. Sometimes, it’s just sitting outside on the porch, admiring the sunrise and sunset. When I miss a day, something is off. My best ideas come from time spent outdoors. I call it puttering. It’s good for the soul.

Go play outside. See what happens. I'd love to hear what you like to do outside, what joys you've discovered out there, and how often you make outside play part of your day.

Also...

I’ve been reading this book by Trevor Blake, called Three Simple Steps. (Trevor built and sold multiple businesses for hundreds of millions - starting in midlife! He also only works a few hours a day, and is a huge proponent of spending time outdoors.)  It’s one of the best things I’ve read in a long while. 

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[ellawritesficssometimes]

My Save Year: ch. 4

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12554533/1/My-Save-Year

Summary: Depressed and rejected by his family, Arthur longs for a new beginning during his first year of university. There he meets Alfred, an optimistic bright-eyed oaf with a sunny smile. An unlikely romance develops between them, one that was already doomed from the beginning. (USUK, multichapter)

Mid-October…

Prof. Braginski dismissed us from the lecture fifteen minutes earlier than usual. The new location of the lecture was desolate, much farther from the other buildings on campus. This was already the third switch up of classrooms; the class was nearly down to half its size. Most students dropped out because of the course’s inconsistency, choosing to take the online version instead.

Francis, Antonio, Lovino, Gilbert, and myself, on the other hand, stubbornly stuck it through with the original course. We were very much visual learners and had to see the material presented to us in order to truly engage with it.

Although, it was hard to listen to Prof. Braginski without feeling sorry for him. The man looked like he hadn’t caught a wink of sleep judging by the dark bags under his eyes. Everyone in the University stayed far away from him because of the paranormal rumours attached to his reputation.

Hell, we’d all experienced the random bangs and moans of ghosts haunting the classrooms he taught at. Although, only Francis and I could hear the latter. Still, it was hard for anyone to dispute that there was some sort of paranormal activity going on.

So far, this third location proved to be the quietest in terms of hauntings. The lights flickered, but that’s about it. We were located in a dingy basement of a church, using desks that were hardly big enough to place a laptop on. It was crowded and humid despite the cool fall weather outside.

Just as I was about to leave with Francis – we managed to tolerate each other now, and could even be considered just a tad bit more than acquaintances – Prof. Braginski asked me to stay back.

I complied and met the professor at the front podium.

Prof. Braginski gathered his papers before neatly placing them in his briefcase. “Ah, Mr. Kirkland, I’ve been meaning to speak to you for a while now,” he said apologetically, snow-white hair shining under the artificial fluorescent lights.

“I’m sure you’re aware that you’ve received the highest mark in the class for the first assignment, da?”

I nodded my head. My cheeks warmed. I was unsure of myself and quite frankly didn’t know how to react to praise. “Yes, sir, you sent me an email to inform me of this last week.”

Prof. Braginski straightened, readjusting his scarf in preparation for baring against the cold weather. “That long ago, huh?” he chuckled. “My apologies. If it’s any consolation, I have been quite busy lately with booking new classroom locations, as well as re-grading assignments. Many people in the class weren’t pleased with the results they received. Most of the time, these are the students who don’t attend any of my lectures.”

I nodded awkwardly, still unsure of what to say. The Russian was very intimidating up-close. He looked like he was capable of cracking a spoon with his thumb alone.

“Anyways, I just wanted to congratulate you,” Prof. Braginski continued. His violet eyes shined with kindness. “I know what’s its like to be an emerging writer. It’s tough, because you never truly know if you’re good enough. You’re always criticizing your writing, unable to see the talent laying right out before you like a shining beacon. Doubt is blinding like that.

“I try to tell students not to think that way when they get better. Just because you improve doesn’t mean that you were horrible before… I expect a lot of things from you, Mr. Kirkland. It was an immense pleasure reading your work. You just have such a way of getting down to the gritty details of how a character feels. It was almost paralyzing to read, and yet, I couldn’t unglue my eyes from the paper.”

“T-thank you, sir,” I stammered robotically. “This means a lot to me. Really, it does.”

“Anytime,” Prof. Braginski smiled. “All it takes is a bit of encouragement. We writers, we’re always so insecure about ourselves. Sometimes all it takes is a little push from someone who knows exactly what you’re going through.”

“I know what you mean,” I replied, wide-eyed. Briefly, my thoughts traced back to Alfred before focusing on Prof. Braginski’s slightly hooked nose. I was too shy to establish direct eye contact with him.

“So, have you started on the second prompt yet? I’m sure that you have. The deadline is fast approaching. What is it? Two weeks until it’s due?”

Our second prompt was to write a historical fiction piece. The time or genre didn’t matter so long as it was before 1960. We could depict anything we wanted to.

“Yes, sir,” I answered politely. “I’ve begun research in the library, and intend to continue it right now, actually. This was my last class of the day.”

“Oh, well, I won’t keep you for much longer then,” Prof. Braginski pursed his lips in approval. “Now, keep in mind this offer may not stand if I decide to leave next semester, but if I do decide to stay, I’m always looking for an assistant. This position would build you a lot of credit, and I’d be happy to invite you to a writer’s residency program afterwards. I see lots of potential in you, and I would hate for it to go unrecognized.”

“I…I don’t know what to say other than thank you,” I said, mouth gaped open like a bloody idiot. “I don’t know what I did to deserve–”

“Nyet! None of that,” Prof. Braginski interrupted, kindly. “You deserve every opportunity this world has to offer. I only offer this to students who I believe have a future in writing. Don’t question it, but rather accept your talent for what it is and hone in on it; tweak it; perfect it; and then, share it to the world, touch and reach the hearts of others, and maybe then, you’ll achieve the happiness you’ve long sought after.”

There was a knowing look in Prof. Braginski’s eyes as he clapped a hand over my shoulder. “When I was your age, I was stunted by a fear of rejection. It brought me many pains, and…” he paused. I could almost swear that tears were swimming in his old, wise gaze.

“…some ‘experiences’ I would rather not talk about. The point is, Mr. Kirkland, is to never let doubt plague you from achieving what you want. Don’t think, act. Now go, you have another marvelous one-shot to write for me. I very much look forward to reading it once it’s complete.”

Stunned, I stumbled forward. I had completely blanked out and forgotten what I had said to Prof. Braginski as I left the lecture room.

I was finally able to breathe again once I made it into the library.

The relief didn’t last long as I had to duck and creep past the study tables on the first floor. Matthew was holding his weekly Friday Homework club session, and since Francis was a stalker, he had long decided to attend them.

All right, to be fair, Gilbert first went to the meetings, and since Gilbert went, Antonio and Francis went too. Lovino was also forced to attend because of Antonio.

What was important was that Francis mainly came to these meetings because he wanted to check up on me. I avoided him because I didn’t want him to find out what I was doing here, other than working. I’d solve the case of the rooftop without his help, thank you very much.

It was hard enough coming up with excuses of why I couldn’t attend the meetings as all five of us walked over to the library together after class. Apparently, studying alone was beginning to lose its potency as an effective justification for not joining them.

Francis turned and eyed the bookcase I was using to hide/ walk behind. He was waiting for me to walk into the library, likely planning to use another guilt-trip tactic. Just because I tolerated him now didn’t mean that I wanted to spend every waking minute with him. Living together was more than enough.

Sapphire eyes narrowed before shifting their gaze to Matthew, who had cleared his throat several times to garner the Frenchman’s attention.

“Francis, focus on your work!” Matthew timidly scolded. He had about as much assertiveness as an endangered baby panda.

“Ah…oui,” Francis bashfully rubbed the back of his neck.

“Kesesese! Oh look, you made the little birdie angry,” Gilbert cackled.

“Gilbert, what did I say about you calling me that?” Matthew deadpanned.

“I’ll keep calling you as such until you finally agree to go out on a date with me,” Gilbert countered, a definite smirk on his face judging by the tone he used. “They don’t call me five meters for nothing…”

Lovino yawned and picked up his mobile. “Hi, yes, operator? I’d like to report a case of unnecessary sexual harassment.”

Antonio snickered. Lovino’s comment was unnecessary. Shy as he was, Matthew was more than capable of looking after himself.

“I’m starting to think that they call you five meters because of all the restraining orders people have filed against you,” Matthew huffed.

“OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Smirking, I left for the rickety metal staircase leading up to the third floor. I couldn’t use the elevator, since it was in plain sight of the study group. God forbid that I had more than one social interaction today.

I wanted to look at the records’ section again. I was contemplating doing a piece about someone who had lived here in the past. Obviously, I would adjust the storyline and names and keep it tasteful, but I think it would be interesting if I wrote about what it was like to have attended this university many years ago. The spirits here that I’ve met already only attested to how rich and dark the school’s history was.

But, before I got to that, I had a certain yank to greet. Alfred waited for me at 4PM on weekdays where we met and chatted on the library’s rooftop. On the weekends, we had also grown accustomed to studying at the ‘food’ table in the fiction section together. As you can probably guess, I had yet to come up with any leads about the food snatching.

Not yet anyway.

The moment I stepped foot onto the rooftop, Alfred exploded. He was even more jittery than usual. “Dude, where were you? You’re late! I…I was beginning to worry,” he trailed off, solemnly reseating himself as I sat next to him on a bench. He was perfectly comfortable with me sitting next to him now.

“Sorry, one of my professors asked me to stay back,” I apologized for reasons inexplicable. When Alfred pouted like that I immediately felt sorry regardless if his sadness was irrational or not.

“He wanted to congratulate me for doing well on my first assignment. You know, the one I sent in last month?” I explained.

Alfred angrily scribbled in his notebook. “Yeah, yeah, you told me,” he muttered. “Good for you.”

I rolled my eyes. “What’s wrong now?”

Alfred ignored me. His cheeks weren’t just pink from the cold.

“Alfred, don’t be a twat. Tell me.”

“I thought you got tired of me and weren’t going to come again!” Alfred blurted out. “Sorry! I know I’m being irrational!” he chuckled. “Anxiety man, it really likes to mess with your brain, huh?”

“You’re correct. You are being irrational. We’ve been friends for how long now? Six weeks? Seven? I’m not just going to abandon you, Alfred. I couldn’t stand it if I did. Loud and crude as you may be, I truly enjoy talking to you. Just like you keep encouraging me to believe in myself, I’ll do the same for you. I like being your friend.”

“Say that. Say it again.”

“Why?” I smirked.

“Please?”

“I like being your friend, Alfred,” I huffed, crossing both my arms and ankles. Great, how was I going to tell him that I had to leave to do research?

Alfred broke out into a grin. “Thanks, buddy. I really needed that.”

I shrugged. “Anytime. Honestly, you can be so weird sometimes.”

Alfred ignored me again and began jotting down more ideas in his notebook. I had to look away when his tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth.

“So,” I let out a deep breath. Cold air clouded around my face. “How’s class going for you? Are you working on another assignment?”

“Nope, just brainstorming ideas for my War AU,” Alfred chirped. “I can do that literary bullshit essay late at night like I usually do. Class is good, boring, but good. You?”

I deadpanned. Classic Alfred. If something didn’t peak his interest, he would torture himself and leave an assignment until the very last minute. What infuriated me was that he got higher marks than students who had started weeks before him. He was naturally talented. If only he put more effort into his studies…

Alfred was bright, but not keen.

I faltered. I didn’t want to leave Alfred just yet. Watching him work and brainstorm was a guilty pleasure of mine. He wore his emotions on his face. My heart fluttered every time his eyebrows would furrow, lips pursed in thought, cerulean eyes sparking with determination. I’ll repeat myself again: he was beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, but I couldn’t have him.

“Hey,” I started. “I’m supposed to write a historical piece for my next one-shot. Would you… mind if I took a look at your ideas? I could really use the inspiration.”

Alfred’s head shot up, blond cowlick bouncing. His expression was more surprised than anything else, but he didn’t look opposed to it. “Sure, man. Suit yourself. Not that any of this is good.”

He handed the bounded notebook to me. I intended to cradle it gently, as it was very valuable to him, but ended up gasping as the notebook landed sharply on my lap – it was a lot heavier than I had expected.

“Jesus Roosevelt Christ!” I cussed. “How much does this thing weigh?”

Alfred blushed, placing a gloved fist over his mouth. “I don’t know…this is years of ideas and ink you’re looking at.”

“Clearly,” I said as I flipped through the notebook. Several extra notebooks and papers had been clipped into the binding, which explained the extra weight. Still, it was unimaginable how much this thing weighed. I could barely hold it up without feeling like my wrists were about to snap.

“Say something already!” Alfred spluttered, red up to his face, neck, and ears. “You’re killing me here!”

After some time had passed, I closed the notebook having briefly glanced over the plot and historical notes. I didn’t need to do this, I was merely fibbing around so that I didn’t have to leave Alfred right away.

I had told myself before that I wouldn’t stay with him for long. Half an hour later, and it still wasn’t enough. Spending time with Alfred was like a drug. You craved it, needed it. Instead of a high, he gave me praise and acceptance. To me, this was the only satisfaction I would ever need and couldn’t nearly get enough of.

“It’s so thorough,” I remarked in awe. “And here I thought I was a good researcher. I can’t imagine how much thought was put into this. And the characterization, my word! You really root for Allen to survive the war in the end. It’s just a pity that it seems like you’re intending to have his mental health be his final undoing. You’re not going to kill him off, are you?”

Alfred’s solemn expression indicated the opposite.

“That’s so cruel!” I complained.

“Yeah, well, life is unfair like that,” Alfred grumbled, leaning back to drape his arms over the bench. God, how I wanted him to wrap his arms around me.

I fidgeted with my hands, thinking about how I was going to break the news to Alfred. He treasured our time spent together just as much as I did, only for different reasons.

“Thank you for showing me something so personal,” I murmured softly. “That was very sweet of you.”

“Did it help?”

“Yeah,” I smiled. “I really think that it did. Which brings me to my next point. I’m afraid I can’t stay here any longer. I have some research to do for the piece, and now that my professor is expecting a lot more from me, it’s got to be absolutely perfect.”

I stood up and slung my backpack over my shoulder.

Alfred spluttered. “Wha–?! You’re leaving?! Already?!”

I gave Alfred a sad look. “Yes, that’s what I just said, didn’t I?”

“No!” Alfred fumed. He slammed his notebook into his satchel.

“What do you mean, no?!” I snapped, irritation setting in.

“You heard me, Artie,” Alfred growled. He curled his gloved hands into fists as he stood up to loom over me. “This is our daily meeting time, so wherever you go, I go.”

“Alfred,” I deadpanned, promptly ignoring the putrid nickname. “You can’t just follow me around. I have work to do.”

“Yes I can! Watch me!”

“You’re going to get bored,” I shook my head in disbelief. Meanwhile, my heartbeat sped up, hammering in my chest uncontrollably. He was going out of his way to spend time with me. Me!

“No, I won’t. Now stop talking, and get researching. I’ll eat and supervise.”

I scoffed when Alfred pulled out a PB & J sandwich from his jacket. He really fancied those from the school’s cafeteria.

“Fine,” I growled. “Just don’t be too loud. And that means chewing with your mouth closed!”

“Yep! Mhmmghgph.”

“Oh dear god,” I sighed, holding open the library’s door for him. “How can you switch from being sweet and endearing to insufferable in thirty seconds flat?”

Alfred swallowed heavily. “Beats me.”

“Don’t you have something better to do? How come you don’t socialize with your actual classmates?” I asked. I let go of the door and it swung shut with a satisfying click.

This was something I had always wondered. I only ever saw Alfred in the library, or very rarely in the cafeteria. I didn’t know what he did in his spare time, let alone which dorm building he was residing in. He was a mystery, but I never asked these things out of fear of breaching his privacy and very fragile personal bubble.

We walked together comfortably on the soft padded carpeting and approached the balcony railing that overlooked the entire library. I took a sharp right and Alfred followed.

“I do,” Alfred replied. “But you’re the one I hang out with outside of class. I like you the most. I’m getting better at initiating conversations, though! It must be because of the practice I have with you.”

Of all people, the yank had learned how to socialize better from me. How ironic.

Still, that comment made me blush furiously; I had to turn away. If he kept saying things like that…

“So!” Alfred whistled. “What type of reaching are ya doin’?”

“I’m looking up biographies or newspaper articles about people who used to attend the university. We’re supposed to write a story about the past. I figured I would write a historical fiction piece about one of the lores people on campus like to gossip about. I mean, seriously. If I hear one more suicide horror story, my ears are going to bleed!” I sighed.

Alfred inhaled sharply. “That’s uh, real weird, Artie. Where are you taking us anyway?”

“You mean where am I going?” I smugly corrected. “You’re the one following me, remember? And, the records section, of course. I have to base this piece on someone, even if I am going to change up a few things.”

“Oh,” Alfred squeaked.

I stopped abruptly, turning to shed Alfred with an annoyed glare. “Let me guess,” I started. “You’re afraid there’s going to be more ghosts in this section?”

“Well, yeah dude, that’s a fact! I know this library from head to toe! I…uh came here a lot earlier in the summer than you did! The records section is the worse because it’s about real people! I would know, I used to sit there before I moved to the rooftop!”

“Tsk! You’re such a baby.”

“Am not!” Alfred protested.

“Are…” I turned around and realized that Alfred was gone.

I nearly jumped three feet in the air when Matthew came walking around a nearby bookshelf. “I thought I heard you up here, Arthur. Francis was looking for you earlier. He wanted you to come down and join us, but the meeting’s over now… Eh, who were you talking to? I thought I heard another voice?”

“Oh just some ridiculous yank who’s a total baby and is scared of ghosts!” I spoke up just in case Alfred was nearby.

“How nice, you made a friend,” Matthew smiled. He looked eerily maternal. I stifled a sigh. “I’ll let you two fight it out then,” he smirked. There was a knowing expression on his face. “And Arthur?”

“Yes?”

“You should really start coming to the meetings. Your other friends in it would really like you to go.”

“Maybe,” I shrugged.

“Mhmmm. Bye now.”

“Like hell I will,” I finished when Matthew’s soft chuckles had faded away.

Without a certain loud-mouth to interrupt me, I began pawing through several records. I flipped through maybe five of them before jumping again at the sound of a pop can opening.

“What the hell are you doing?!” I hissed, angry because I had nearly dropped the record book I was holding.

Alfred guzzled down a can of Fanta. “What?” he whined, letting out a loud “AH!” as the carbonated bubbles scraped at his throat. “There was a vending machine nearby and I wanted something to wash the sandwich down.”

I pointed a sharp index finger at a bin around the corner. “Garbage, now. You know full well that I work at this library. You’re breaking one of the only rules here.”

“But Artieeee!”

“Don’t you ‘but Artie’ me! Now I’m going to count to ten, and if that’s not in the garbage by the time I’m done…”

“I’m not doin’ it.”

“1…”

“…”

“2…”

“…”

“3…”

“Fine! Whatever! Be a stick in the mud, see if I care.”

“Hmmph! That’s what I thought,” I conceitedly murmured to myself, and then smugly resumed my research.

Alfred had his revenge when he snuck up on me from behind and playfully jabbed my side with his thumb.

“Gotcha!”

“AH!” Since I was a very ticklish person, I jolted and accidently elbowed Alfred in the stomach.

“OOMPH!” Alfred turned and staggered backwards. He grabbed at my waist to prevent himself from falling. All he managed to do was bring me down with him.

Disorientated, it took me a solid thirty seconds before I was aware of my compromising position. I was straddling Alfred.

Horror quickly set in.

Much to my surprise, Alfred didn’t panic. Instead he laughed, squinting up at me as his glasses were left askew on the bridge of his nose. His cerulean eyes seemed bluer under the fluorescent lights; it was an indescribable shade.

So was how red my face was.

“Bahahaha! Your face!” Alfred reached out to pinch my cheeks. “It’s so red!”

Silence.

“Oh, go fuck yourself!” I scowled and rigidly crawled off him. I stood up and brushed off the dirt from my pants, attempting to maintain some dignity.

“Aw, Arthur come back!” Alfred protested. He scrambled to his feet. “It was just a joke, I’m sorry! I’m also sorry for messing up your research!”

I looked over my shoulder, lips pursed in a death glare. “Good night, Alfred. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I grudgingly admitted that last part. I could never stay mad at him for too long. The way that his hair stuck up unevenly from the fall almost made me laugh, almost.

“Night!” Alfred giggled. He was shaking his head as if I were the weird one.

Unfortunately, I had a much larger problem in my pants to hide and eventually get rid of.

…

Several hours later…

…

I furiously rubbed at my eyes, hoping to alleviate a late-night grogginess spell. Each day, I had a set number of course readings and work to do. If I didn’t finish what I had set out to accomplish, I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Perhaps, this was my OCD, but I absolutely despised being behind on my work. My anxiety simply wouldn’t be able to handle it.

I was stubborn, but at least this trait didn’t bring me unnecessary stress caused by procrastination. Yes, Francis, I’m talking about you, you overstuffed amphibian.

As of now, the Frenchman had gone to bed early, intending to get some beauty sleep. For once, he wasn’t out partying. Either way, he was a chronic procrastinator. Just watching him do his assignments at the last minute gave me high blood pressure, and I didn’t even like him!

“Come on,” I grumbled to myself, both squinting and widening my eyes. The pages were getting fuzzier and fuzzier.

It didn’t help that my level of focus was next to shit since the incident with Alfred in the library a few hours ago. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and when I did, I would cringe so hard stars danced before my eyes.

I leaned against the frame of my bed and straightened my posture. I had lost count how many times I’ve cracked my shoulders and spine. It was taking me over three hours just to get through thirty pages of material. Normally, something like this would take me an hour and a half at most.

A voice in my head begged for me to sleep, and my heavy-lidded eyes pleaded for this as well.

I hadn’t realized that my eyes had already closed until a large bang against my windowsill startled me back into focus. Again, with the irony here.

“I’m probably just imagining things,” I muttered. “Come on now, only ten more pages to go. I can do this.”

Not thirty seconds later, my window banged again.

Irritated, I swung my legs over the bed. The cold tiling pressing into the soles of my feet caused me to wince in discomfort. I padded over to the window anyway and narrowed my eyes.

“AH-! FUCK!” I gasped without a shred of elegance. A tall, hulking figure was perched on the tree outside my window. They were on the closet branch, waving at me with a massive hand. Were they going to throw a rock at me this time?

What if it was those delinquents from the bar area? Did they know where I lived now?

Panic crept up my throat. I could hardly breathe, and yet, I was frozen; motionless; terrified of what would happen next. Tears pricked at my eyes, but I willed them back.

“Artie!” The figure bellowed. Their voice was muffled by the glass panelling.

The clouds outside cleared. Under the moonlight, a gleam of spectacles and cerulean eyes reflected back at me.

I grabbed at my chest as if it would somehow stop my heart from beating as fast and unhealthily as it was now.

“Alfred!” I snapped. “What the hell are you doing here?! It’s one in the morning!”

Alfred motioned for me to open the window. “Can’t hear you, dude!” he mouthed, gloved hands cupped around his mouth. There was a devilish smirk on his face that didn’t sit right with me.

Because I was embarrassed, I couldn’t hope to stop myself from being rude. I wasn’t expecting company, not ever, but certainly not at this hour. I was wearing sweats and a hoodie; being presentable was far out of the question.

SLAM!

I opened the window harshly and scowled. “I said, what are you doing here?! It’s one in the morning, you imbecile!”

This was the first time I had seen Alfred outside of the library or cafeteria. I was being bombarded with too many surprises I wasn’t nearly prepared enough to deal with.

Alfred shrunk back. “I…ah…wanted to apologize for earlier. I didn’t mean to scare you off. I only meant to tease ya, and I guess it really backfired, huh?”

I blushed at the reminder. I couldn’t even bring myself to think about what I had done when I had gotten home earlier. Looking myself in the bathroom mirror in shame afterwards was more than enough.

“Apology accepted,” I scoffed. This whole encounter was just too ridiculous for me to process. “I’m sorry too. I get flustered easily. Although, what you’re doing right now isn’t helping. How did you even find out where I live?”

Alfred’s face brightened. “You told me you lived in the Gaul dorm, remember? This window was the only one with the lights on, and since you’re always studying, I figured this would be your room,” he explained. “You’re very predictable, Arthur. It doesn’t take a genius to figure you out.”

“Brilliant,” I remarked sarcastically. “You’re a true detective if I’ve ever seen one.”

“So,” Alfred shifted nervously. “You wanna come out and gaze at the stars with me?”

“Honestly,” I crossed my arms. “You make no bloody sense. First, you come to apologize to me when you could have done that tomorrow, and now you expect me to sit with you on a flimsy tree branch that likely won’t be able to hold up both of our weights?”

“I didn’t want to wait!” Alfred blurted out. “It was really bugging me. You just left so abruptly. I thought I hurt your feelings and then I felt really shitty about it and then I couldn’t sleep, so I came here because residence doesn’t let you in past 11 PM and now you’re being really mean and ah! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Crap! You must think I’m so weird… Also, this branch is a lot sturdier than it looks, man! I mean, it’s holding up my dead ass weight, ain’t it?!”

Silence.

Alfred rubbed at the back of his neck again and bit his lip. He was breathing heavily, too petrified to form a coherent sentence.

I caved almost immediately. Seeing Alfred be sad like this was too painful to watch.

“Fine,” I sighed. “But if I fall, I’m suing you. And are you really that surprised that I’m being mean to you? I thought you were trying to assault me! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Oh god!” Alfred gasped, sheepish. “I didn’t think of that! Not that I think anything through, ahaha!” he laughed nervously. “I just thought it was a nice night to enjoy. You would see this for yourself if you came out here.”

“Well, I can’t do that if you’re not going to help me,” I countered. “Not everyone has the figure of an Olympic athlete like you do. I’m not exactly made for climbing.”

Alfred smirked and crawled closer to the window. He extended a gloved hand, smug in all of his entirety. “My dearest pasty prince, may I escort you onto this branch?” he mused.

“Forget it,” I snarled. “If you’re going to be insufferable, I’ll just go back to doing my work.”

“No! Please!” Alfred whined. “Artie! Come on! It’s so nice out! Take a break for once.”

Silence.

Alfred’s cerulean eyes widened, tearing up for dramatic effect. “Please,” he said, waggling his massive hand at me. His long fingers grabbed at empty air.

Silence.

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?”

My eyes twitched. Don’t look. Don’t look.

Damn it, I looked.

“Ple–!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, fine!” I snapped.

Laughing, Alfred took my hand. With a grunt, he hoisted me up onto the branch. He held my waist with both hands until I settled on the branch, comfortably next to him. There was a decent amount of distance between us. I pretended not to acknowledge the jolts of electricity that shot up my spine every time he touched me.  

“See, isn’t it nice out?” Alfred said serenely, pointing up at the near perfect night.

I furrowed my brows. Just twenty minutes ago, it had been pitch-black out and now there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. The moon shone against us, a bright yellow orb that painted the campus with a dream-like dewy light.

“Yes, actually,” I admitted, glancing at the cluster of stars dotting the night. If you looked even closer, you could just barely make out the murky trails of several nebulas. The campus was in a remote enough location where star-gazing was far easier than it was in urban areas.

“I can’t remember the last time I was able to see full constellations,” I continued. “Actually, I just haven’t bothered to do something as simple as this for a long time now. You’re right, Alfred. It is nice.”

Alfred playfully bumped his shoulder against mine. “Thought so. You’re always so busy that you never look up to enjoy the simple things in life. I’ve yet to see you relax. Being high-strung must be a talent of yours.”

“Haha, very funny,” I yawned.

“Woah,��� Alfred exclaimed when I began to sway without realizing. “Just how tired are you exactly?”

“Very,” I murmured. “I’ll be…fine.”

“No, no you’re not. Can I um…” Alfred faltered, craning his neck to look at me. “Can I wrap my arm around you? I just want to make sure you don’t fall!!!”

Turns out I wasn’t the only one blushing profusely.

“W-what?!” I spluttered, only to falter when Alfred shrunk back, embodying a kicked puppy position. “Well, ah, I mean, if you’re comfortable doing it, sure?” I squeaked.

Without another word, Alfred wrapped an arm around my torso in support. He was warm. I could feel the heat emanating from underneath his bomber jacket.

“T-thanks,” I whispered.

“Any time,” Alfred just about squealed, his voice a few octaves higher than normal.

Silence, again.

I willed myself not to breathe too much. Not that I was able to. Alfred was so close. I could smell him: leather, and the gruff scent of polish and hair gel. His arms were strong in their grip. I wanted to lean closer, but knew it wouldn’t be appropriate given our relationship.

Instead, I focused on admiring the night sky. If I met those wondrous cerulean eyes one more time, I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle it. They weren’t mine to look at. For now, I could only cherish them.

“Hey,” Alfred spoke up again. His entire body was tense. If he pointed up his chin any higher, he’d surely break his neck.

“Yes?” I replied, breathless.

“I really am sorry for earlier. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s fine. You just startled me, that’s all.”

Alfred chuckled. “Just like I did now?”

“Yes,” I smiled faintly. “Just like you did now, you stupid yank.”

“Aw come on, that’s not nice,” Alfred chided.

“Oh shut up,” I huffed. “You’ve patronized me enough tonight. Just let me enjoy this moment while it lasts. Soon it’ll be over, and then I’ll be thrust back into the never-ending cycle of lectures, papers, and mid-terms. I need an outlet to vent my frustrations onto; you just so happen to be it.”

“Fair enough,” Alfred snickered. “But, didn’t you say something about having an annoying roommate? Don’t you get to vent your frustrations onto him?”

“Oh, believe me I do,” I said in loathing. “I try to avoid him most of the time, though. Unfortunately, he has a tendency to find me wherever I am. Our meeting spot on the rooftop is the only place I can hide from him.”

“Is he really that bad?” Alfred asked.

“Absolutely intolerable,” I shuddered. “He blasts music all day, drinks wine, and parties just about every other night. Not to mention that he constantly picks at me for, well, everything. My clothes, my diet, my hair…my writing; apparently it’s really depressing and cryptic. He usually shuts up after I tell him his writing sounds like it’s written from the perspective of a sixteen year old drama queen. God, I can’t stand angst. Maybe it’s because my life is already full of it enough as it is.”

Alfred shrugged. “I don’t know, dude. Maybe your roommate is just trying to pull out the best in you. I’ve seen what you bring for lunch. Not that I’m a master chef or anything, but bread and butter isn’t enough to get you through the day. I don’t mind how you dress, and as for your writing? As long as he’s not malicious, it’s okay to accept constructive criticism. I’m sure he cares about you a lot more than you think. He wouldn’t bother if he didn’t.”

“Alfred,” I groaned. “I’m trying to vent. I don’t need a rational explanation and analysis like you’re my frigging therapist. I’m angry, leave me be.”

“I’m just saying,” Alfred protested, albeit weakly. “It won’t do ya any good if you keep pushing away people.”

“You currently have your arm wrapped around me,” I slyly remarked. “I hardly see that as pushing people away.”

“Touche,” Alfred admitted.

“How about you?” I asked, re-directing the conversation. “Surely, you can’t be that great of a roommate if you’re out this late at night. Aren’t they going to be angry when you come back and wake them up?”

Truth is, I had no idea where Alfred lived on campus. We had never even spoken about the subject.

“Nah,” Alfred waved his free hand. “I’m in a single. All I have to worry about is sneaking past my res supervisor. It was pretty easy considering most people are partying in their rooms at this time.”

I nodded my head, stifling my jealousy. What I would have given to have a room to myself. If only I wasn’t dirt poor. No matter, this was what I came here for. I’d get a degree and make myself a solid career.

“Are you always this impulsive?”

“Yes.”

“That was a rhetorical question,” I deadpanned.

“I know, it’s just fun bugging you,” Alfred countered with ease. “I like how your eyebrows furrow together. It’s cute.”

Words cannot how flustered I became after that comment.

Thankfully, a distraction in the form of a very drunk Italian saved me from responding.

“Antonio, you bastard,” Lovino slurred twenty feet below. “Come here, and sweep me off my feet. I c-can’t walk, ahahaha!”

Antonio stumbled forward and giddily wrapped his arms around Lovino. “You’re so cold, mi amor. That coat isn’t warm enough for you. Here, allow me to help.”

I had to look away for the sake of privacy when the two began to make out.

Alfred and I remained quiet until they had finally walked away.

“They’re sure having a good time,” Alfred said shyly, a hesitant smile on his face.

I don’t know what overcame me, but suddenly, a surge of boldness balled up in my chest. Seeing Antonio and Lovino together didn’t just make me jealous. I was motivated to test things out with Alfred, however small the chances they were.

If not, I was perfectly fine with being friends with him.

Still, there was a small sliver of hope. Alfred was bi. He had his arm wrapped around me. Everything was set into place, and appeared like they were in my favour. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation talking, but I didn’t care.

I leaned closer into Alfred, humming pleasantly. Alfred stiffened, but didn’t pull away.

Perhaps it was the sereneness of the moment, or that I was enjoying myself, but I desperately longed for more intimacy. It’s been too long since I’d experienced it. After years of keeping to myself, Alfred was the first person whom I had ever kept for more than just a couple weeks at a time.

I wanted him. More than that, I trusted him.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t me who made the next move.

Alfred brushed his right hand over my left. “You’re not wearing any gloves,” he murmured. “They…they must be cold, right?”

“Mhhhm, yeah, very cold,” I said, impatiently.

I curled my fingers so that my knuckles brushed into his palm. “Tell me something, Alfred. Are you comfortable?”

“Y-yeah why do you ask?”

I flipped our hands so that I was holding onto his. “How about now?”

“Yeah…very comfortable,” Alfred flushed. “I’m never shy with you, Arthur. You k-know that.”

I leaned closer, pressing my face a nose’s distance away from his. “How about now?” I blinked.

“I would be more comfortable if you kissed me,” Alfred said, bravely meeting my eyes.

“Took you long enough, lad,” I grinned. “I knew you were clever.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his. I moaned lowly when his tongue poked at my bottom lip. I opened in compliance, letting our tongues slip together in slow, experimental movements.

“Mmmph,” Alfred sighed, and closed his eyes. Large, steady hands raked through my hair while my own placed themselves against his rock-hard chest.

I couldn’t believe it. I was kissing Alfred Jones… and he was kissing me back no less, with just as much want and need as my own.

Our kisses became rougher, teeth clacking against each other; messily, hungrily.

I gasped when Alfred squeezed my hips, moving so that his back was placed against the trunk of the tree. Sometime in between our sloppy brushing, I had crawled over to straddle him.

“Easy,” I growled. “You’re going to leave bruises.”

“I’m sorry,” Alfred breathed into my neck, feathering the sensitive skin with delicate kisses. “I’ve just wanted to do this for so long now. You’re beautiful, Arthur. I can’t help it.”

I nearly sobbed right then and there, but instead focused on drinking up the pleasure of the moment. For once, I was being called beautiful. I wasn’t just thinking that of another person.

I needed a moment to breathe, to take in what had just happened. I resorted to pressing my forehead against Alfred’s, inhaling deeply.

Alfred grinned and rubbed his nose against mine. “You haven’t said anything. I’m worried.”

“That’s because I don’t know what to say,” I replied, sliding to rest my head against his collarbone. I was too shy to make eye contact. “Here I’ve had a crush on you all this time, and it turns out that you feel the same way. I’ve never had something work out for me so perfectly like this. Forgive me for being stunned by it.”

Alfred tucked his chin over my head, one arm rubbing my back in comforting circles. “Yup…” he trailed off, voice cracking. “That’s me for you: I think I’m being straight forward, but I only end up confusing people. I’ll probably never stop being impulsive.”

“Don’t!” I smirked.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t stop being impulsive. It’s the part of you that I like most. How you get antsy at every off-hand remark. Or how easy it is to make you happy. You’re precious, Alfred. I wouldn’t ever want you to change that about yourself.”

“You don’t know me, I mean, all of me,” Alfred murmured into my hair. “I suck sometimes by being awkward and getting mad easily, you just haven’t seen it yet. I say things that I don’t mean. I…I… shouldn’t have done this. It’s a wonder why you want to be friends with me. I…always fuck things up…”

I pulled away from Alfred, alarm setting in. “No.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, I said no. Don’t you dare give up now. Alfred, I’m in no rush to take things farther. I’ll be patient if I have to, because hell if we both know that I’m far from perfect myself. Still, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I couldn’t bear it if you left, not after all that we’ve shared together. I would be happy only being friends with you. Please, just don’t leave.”

Alfred’s arm tightened around me. “Okay,” he took a jagged breath. “Someone’s got to protect you, right? I won’t leave you, Artie. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me too. You make everything bad happening around me feel like it’s nothing. I just want to see you smile; to hold you close; to make sure you…take care of yourself.”

“I do take care of myself,” I hiccupped into his chest.

“No, you don’t. Come, I’m putting you to bed and then I’m going straight home. What kind of lunatic does homework this late anyway?”

“A nerd,” I dryly replied, trying not to look too disappointed as I pulled away from him.

“I must be in love with a lunatic nerd then,” Alfred smiled, shyly with a bigger one just begging to be released. He still looked so uncertain. I didn’t want him to feel this way, so I resorted to being sarcastic in the hopes of teasing him out of his shell.

“And I must be in love with a grammarless yank.”

“Selective grammarless yank,” Alfred corrected.

“Yes, yes, whatever. Now are you going to help me into my room or not?”

“Oops, yeah, sorry.”

After much protest, and awkward fumbling movements, Alfred helped me into my room. He also forced me to put my books away. I offered no protest. He had an insufferable habit of making it impossible to say no to him.

Once the lights were shut and I was tucked underneath the covers in an angry, curled position, Alfred smiled and sat next to me on the side.

“What?!” I snapped. “I did what you said, didn’t I?”

“Nothing,” Alfred whispered. “You just look really cute again, grumpy too.”

“If you’re trying to flatter or court me, it’s not working,” I scoffed, turning my back on him.

Alfred placed a hand on my waist. Even though there was a good amount of fabric between us, it still burned pleasantly. “Don’t be like that,” he tutted. “Artie, look at me.”

Reluctantly, I flopped onto my other side. My glare was still in place, but my hot cheeks took away from the act. “What?” I spat.

Alfred bent over to kiss my forehead. “Good night. I should really get going, though. I’ll see you tomorrow, all right?”

When he got up to leave, through the window as we had already agreed that Francis seeing him would cause way too much trouble and questions, I panicked. “Wait!” I hissed.

Alfred turned around, gaping. “Huh?”

I bit my lip. “Can you…stay?”

“Only until I fall asleep!” I added when I noticed the hesitant expression on his face.

The mattress shifted with another weight again. Things didn’t seem real. I was just so happy. “Okay, that I can do.”

“Good,” I said stiffly, and left it at that.

“Geez, Artie. Aren’t you just full of surprises?” Alfred laughed lightly. “I thought you didn’t need anyone else in your life?”

“Shut up. People change. It’s called character development.”

“Right, right. I’ll just let my handsome prescence lure you to sleep.”

He hadn’t just been teased out of his shell. He was lounging on top of it now.

“You’re lucky I’m exhausted,” I warned. “Otherwise – yawn – you would be expecting a good slap to the face for being so cheeky.”

“Literally.”

“Could you stop being such a smartass?” I snarled.

Alfred reached over to sweep a few strands of hair out of my eyes. “That I can’t do,” he said in a smug tone.

I rolled my eyes, too tired to argue. “Good night, Alfred. I hope you trip and fall on your way out.”

“You don’t actually mean that. Stop being so mean.”

“You’re right, I don’t. But it was still fun to say.”

“Shhh,” Alfred smoothed the back of my head. “You can argue with me all day tomorrow. But, you won’t be able to if you don’t get a good night’s rest.”

“Very true, love.”

“I just said shhh. You’re so stubborn, geez. I’m going to be here all night if you don’t stop.”

Precisely.

I hmphed but didn’t say anything more. Last night was the best sleep I’ve had in years. Why? Because someone other than Alistair genuinely liked me for me. I didn’t doze off with pervasive guilt, self-loathing or general anxiousness.

I was finally at peace.

…

The following morning, I staggered into the kitchen. I had woken up far later than usual, Alfred of course having already left some time last night.

I had a shift in an hour, so I would be able to see Alfred then. Honestly, I’d never understand why he was so adamant on being old-fashioned in everything he did. To not have a cellphone in this day and age was almost unheard of.

Francis was sitting at the small table we had set up, his laptop open with the latest news and a mug of coffee in his hands. He was already dressed and primed to perfection, whereas my hair was sticking up in every possible direction

I pretended to ignore Francis, refusing to let him sour my good mood. Hell, if he wasn’t there to stare at me, I probably would have allowed myself a small smile.

Someone liked me.

And I liked them back.

I still couldn’t get over it.

I drew the last straw when Francis tsked at me for my choice in breakfast: oatmeal and a slice of toast.

“What?!” I snapped. I was standing up, eating my toast over the sink. AS if I was going to sit down with him and engage in a civil conversation. Not when he was looking at me so critically.

Francis took a slow sip of his coffee, eyebrows raised. When he finished, he set down his mug in a dramatic, languid motion.

“You’ve been out communicating with spirits again, haven’t you?” he accused. “Arthur, it’s dangerous to do it alone, especially late at night. I would have come if they were bothering you that badly.”

“I did no such thing,” I said, and bit into my toast with a loud crunch.

Francis’s eyebrows raised even higher.

“I swear to God, I didn’t!” I snarled. “Stop looking at me like that. Even if I did, which I didn’t, I’ve already told you that if I need your help, I’ll ask!”

“Oui, whatever, keep lying to yourself. See if I care,” Francis sighed. He stood up from his seat and exited the kitchen.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?!”

Francis looked over his shoulder, sapphire eyes rolling. “I don’t know, ask yourself. You’re the one being suspicious.”

I turned away from Francis, furious.

My curiosity peaked when I realized that he had left his laptop open. Carefully, I leaned over the device.

In the search bar, he had typed in “How to get rid of nosy roommates.”

With a splutter, I blinked harshly when the webcam opened to snap a photo of me with a bright flash.

Francis poked his head into the kitchen, an obnoxious lilting smirk on his face. “What did I say: suspicious. Now I have my proof. The Arthur I know would never care about what I search, let alone think. You’re unusually happy, and it’s beginning to freak me out.”

So much for my good mood.

To be continued…