#but he's a bitchass bird

[sadtrashking]

since we're talking about people pushing paternal dynamics onto tubbo. I don't think there really is a character who would fit into a paternal role for him, literally no one. If you try to force it you're only gonna make whoever you throw into the parent role an asshole because at some point every island resident has been an asshole to him. Also, you have the issue that most of the people you throw him with he has flirted with. A few examples are him, fit and pac constantly flirting and him giving pac a lap dance on the first day, all of the jokes about bad filling his hole, and hell piere literally asked to have sex with him once.

Of course, the character you see this most with is Phil. And while they consider each other family it would be fucking depressing to make phil his dad because phil often treats him like shit, looks down on him, and treats him very condescendingly at this point. Pre purgatory it was less obvious but since then and frankly since the eggs went missing while caring for each other phil often stands in opposition to tubbo and only praises or speaks positively about him when he's not around. I could see it as a one-sided relationship but it only kind of works if only tubbo sees him as a guardian and phil doesn't see him as more than a kid with destructive toys.

Also circling back around fitpac are poor choices to make tubbo's parents please the three of them have made many sexual jokes and comments to each other. Plus fit can be pretty brazen and cold to tubbo even hitting and knocking him down which are actions he would never do to his son so once more it makes a character way more cruel and a asshole.

Not to mention how much of this is grounded in ableism that as someone with dyslexia and adhd it's very infantilizing

[mushed-kid]

there’s a bird outside my house going “stink, stink, stink, stink” and i know he’s talking to me

[missveryvery]

Holy fuck.

Beefleaf bird and kitty confirmed!!!! But I think He Xuan is a tiny panther? Compare to the other two cats.

JFC look at the clown boys. Holy shit. Holy shit. There are three cats in this picture and Mu Qing has the most bitchass face ;0; interesting that He Xuan is black, ling wen is blue, and moochie is a brown tabby ;0;

Feng Xin. Feng Xin I thought your mouth was open like to bark but....

No. Your tongue is just stupidly out. Everyone else in the picture is just cutely watching the pair and you are looking at nothing with your tongue out.

Don't make me ship this homophobic gay man and this lesbian. Ling Wen looks like a soft angel?!??

[walmart-the-official]

Tf is your problem you bitchass bird. Huh? Anyway, confused birb is amazing and must be protected at all costs (yes I know he would devour my soul or whatever shut up)

[bigb-enthusiast]

I keep seeing those hermit fanon swaps like grian is now a vampire while tango is now a bird or whatever and i keep having to fight demons being like “man i hope theyd be ok with me requesting bigb as [insert thing]” like girl he has never even TALKED about hermitcraft shut yo bitchass up🗣️

[rhodeisland-resorts]

I just finished Malevolent season 2(?) and I must say, I really, really like this Kane character. His bitchass swagger amuses me greatly, he’s like one of those really horny birds that prance around with their feathers schlanging about in hopes of getting a mate. But his horniness is for tomfoolery and mischief.

[coolshadowtwins]

Here’s me and my friends stupid nicknames for the MDZS characters. (The Untamed was how we watched it first, so these are based an that)

Wei Wuxian was almost always just called his name, mostly because Jiang Chang yelled it often enough that we remembered it lol

JC and JYL were “Wei Wuxian’s brother” and “Wei Wuxian’s sister”, respectively, though they got their own names pretty quickly for some reason.

JZX, when we are introduced to him, was being an asshole to JYL. So his name was “Bitchass (derogatory)” for a good part of the show, until he got his act together with her. Now he is “Bitchass (affectionate)”. In turn, his father tends to be “Bitchass Dad”, his cousin is “Bitchass Cousin” and Jin Ling is sometimes rarely “Baby Bitchass”. The last isn’t used a lot because Jin Ling is a relatively easy name to remember.

On that note, all the father sect leaders are “Daddy Jin”, “Daddy Jiang”, and “Daddy Wen”.

WWX said Lan Zhan enough for us to get his name. His uncle is just “Uncle Lan”. Lan Xichen is, funnily enough, “Hot Lan”, because his actor was determined to be the hottest by @rinonline.

Wen Qing, in the subtitles, were referred to as “Lady Wen”, so that was the name we used. Wen Ning, as such, was “Lady Wen’s brother”. They both got their actual names quickly tho.

When NHS first appeared, he was sneaking a bird into class. So for that episode, and that episode alone, he was “bird guy”. The next episode, he was being a dumbass with WWX, and so for that episode alone he was called “The Dumbass”. Every episode after that, he was called “Fan Guy”.

Meng Yao was easy to remember, but then we called him Mung Bean and that stuck for some reason lol. JGY is rarely used. NMJ was just “Fan Guy’s brother” for the longest, until we were being stupid with the names and ended up morphing ‘Mingjue’ into ‘Mango’. So now he’s Mango.

We never remember LSZ’s name, and so he’s just ‘A-Yuan’, like he never grew up lol. LJY is ‘Jingyi’. Short and simple. Together they are the ‘Baby Lans’.

MXY is just ‘Mo’. That’s it lol

Surprisingly enough, the Yi City crew don’t really have nicknames. We actually use their names.

I almost forgot Su She, which is absolutely not surprising. I forget him constantly. We say ‘Sushi’ which isn’t much a difference, but just know that is the spelling we mean.

I think that’s all the characters? I feel like I missed someone lol

But to recap, Jin Ling’s parents, Bitchass and Wei Wuxian’s Sister, get killed by Wei Wuxian (mostly by accident). This leaves him the care of Bitchass Dad and Wei Wuxian’s Brother, until Mung Bean kills Bitchass Dad and takes over for himself. Mung Bean has two sworn brothers, Mango and Hot Lan. Mango has a younger brother, Fan Guy, who is plotting to kill Mung Bean for Mango’s death. Hot Lan also has a younger brother, Lan Zhan, who is not planning Mung Bean’s death but will be an active participant in it. Lan Zhan is in love with Wei Wuxian, who has gone rogue in order to protect Lady Wen and Lady Wen’s brother. Wei Wuxian does get killed though, probably by himself, and comes back in Mo’s body. At this point he meets Baby Bitchass, A-Yuan(again), Jingyi, and the rest of the Baby Lans. Eventually, he goes to live with Lan Zhan, much to Uncle Lan’s annoyance.

I hope this has entertained you.

[i-hate-snoopy]

My review on "Snoopy come home"

"Snoopy come home" is where snoopy TRULY shows his true colors. In the short film, Snoopy is nothing but an asshole to all the children in the neighborhood for no FUCKING reason, as-well to his former owner, Lila.

He literally leaves without saying goodbye to anyone, after receiving the letter from Lila. Then he turns around and acts like he fucking cares. If I was at Snoopy's going away party id be pleased as punch, it would be a fucking miracle for me. If only he actually cared about Lila and stayed then maybe I wouldn't hate him as much. I still hate him, of course, but what he did to Lila was so fucked up it just fed into my hatred.

NOT TO MENTION, HIS FUCKING STUPID ASS DECIDED TO SHAKE HER FUCKING HAND INSTEAD OF GIVING A PROPER GOODBYE. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO CRY LIKE A FUCKING BABY IN THE BEGINNING AND ACT LIKE YOU CARE ONLY TO TURN AROUND AND BE A TWO FACED BASTARD BEAGLE. IF I WAS LILA, I WOULD'VE CALLED ANIMAL CONTROL ON HIS ASS! and that bitchass bird too. He's guilty by association.

Charlie brown should've never welcomed him back. All the other kids were justified for hating him in the end. He literally just came back because he got all those fucking gifts, in conclusion, snoopy is a self centered, asshole, who should've been left in the woods. There is NO DOGS ALLOWED for a reason. He should've stayed with Klara FOREVER! HE DESERVED THAT, HE HAD IT COMING.

[itsander]

I think how Wukong and Longan will meet again is maybe because of some very important mission with MK and the other stupidlookingasswithnobrainnobotchesnoliferobloxgoofyahhfaces, except blue guy, he cool, anyway maybe they are trying to obtain som reallyyyyy important and shit butt Its Only On The Dragon Kingdom

Why?

Golden likes to Steal shiny and Golden things like her, so practically she haves a lot of mistic and helpful golden things on her domain

(Not totally golden things reminding her of Wukong's golden eyes nonono...)

So yeah, they get on the Kingdom domain after some really hard shit (Wukong is the only one to know how to enter and where to go in the Kingdom because its hided as fuck) and they get in! Except.... Wukong yeah hes banned from there HAHAHWKWJWKWJ

But bro didnt gave a shit because he transformed as a bird and easily bypassed that banning shit, like roblox when i make another account after commiting arsenal, homophia, racism, xenopobhy, assault, uhhh disorder of conduct and shit like that!

So yeah they are Onto the Kingdom and like

________________

**As once the heroe's walk into the Kingdom Realm, they are afascinated by the Golden Color mixing with the White Color on all places, Dragons were everywhere, spending time in family, having their own shops, their own houses, all were different colors, blue, red, pink, yellow... But none Golden.**

MK (Shitheadinnocentgoofyasslegolookingfaceaughhhg): "Wooho! This place is soooo nice!!! Omgomgomg take me a picture with a Dragon, Mei! LOOK! THERE IS A GOLDEN RIVER AKDNWLDK"

*MK says while being all over the place looking at all the stuffs and ocasionally stealing some decorations as a "reminder of the place"... what a bitchass stealer motherf-*

*Mei Just looks at him with a smile and takes out her camera and does as he says, but then she chuckles and says, tilting her head a little*

Mei:

"Uhhmm- you know i am a Dragon too? Like- Do i have to remind you i have this cool sword and all because i am a dragon descendant?"

*Mk doesnt remember shit.*

MK :

"No... i forgor."

*They both stare silently at each other while only after that laughing their asses off*

*While That, Wukong was kind of anxious of the place for all the memories he had...

and because he was cheating ass in that time.*

Sun Wukong: "Yeahhhhh so like- Let'sss- get going, get what we wanted and then just go, alright?"

*He forced a little laugh while then instantly looking away nervous*

*The both whiny ass fanboying kiddos nod and follow right behind Wukong (also stealing some shit like always what did u exoect of some low lowkey as-)*

*They Get onto the Entry of The Palace, Only to be meet with some calming music of part of Longan who was keeping control of the health of earth and all*

_______

-------- (The music on question or or or or)

*Golden Dragon/Longan, instantly stopped singing, she freezes a little and then sighs and calms herself, she then slowly moves to see behind her to see the guests and says*

Golden :"Greeting's, what els-"

*But then Golden Quickly opens her eyes at seeing Humans... and... a Monkey she remembers*

Golden :"**You**."

*She says between gritted teeths, but then she closes her eyes again and keeps calm, sitting on her throne, legs crossed she says*

Golden: "Why are you here, more clearly, why some low humans dare enter in my Kingdom? And some... dirty Monkey."

*She glares at Sun Wukong with the last words, while Wukong giggles nervously at being recognized by his ex wifey*

Sun Wukong : "Goldennn~! Dear! Nice to meet againnnnn-uhhhh yeah like we need some uhhh Magic artifact of yours, could u do that for m- i mean, for us? Pretty please with an cherry on top? By the way, when had you got so pretty?"

*Sun Wukong says, teasing his ex-wifey, he was just trying to light up the mood between them both anyway*

*But in response, he was just meet with pure silence of her part, staring at him, but then she quickly looked away annoyed and said*

Golden: "It's that all...? Well, i'm not complaining, atleast you and your team not going to spend more than mere minutes here."

*Sun Wukong slightly pouted when she didn't say she miss him, but he'll take that response.*

*Then Before he was about to talk again, MK and Mei talks all fast, blabbering and fanboying and shit*

"OMOMGOMG U ARE THE GOLDEN DRAGON FROM THOSE MYSTIC STORIES QKEJWLJE OMG CAN WE TAKE A PICTURE?!÷*÷¡"

*Mei without even asking for permission she just straight up went with MK to take photos with her*

*Golden didnt mind, they were childrens still, so she keeps calm and treats them as such*

Golden: "Lovely pets you have here, Wukong."

*Wukong laughs a lil bit and then corrects her saying*

Sun Wukong: "They- They Actually are my... friends! Not... Pets... MK is my Succesor and Mei is my friend's succesor."

*Golden, nods, then she says and says*

Golden: "So, going back to the item, what item in detail do you need? I have plenty."

*Then Wukong Start explaining that item and shit and stuff blah blah IM TOO LAZY TO DO THIS EXPLAINING ABOUT THE ITEM SHUT UP.*

*Meanwhile Golden was taking more focus on the childrens next to Wukong, they are so carefree and happy of live... Especially MK, It remind her of when she used to be another person... When she used to be al-*

Sun Wukong: "Soooooooooo... We need that Golden shiny stuff like- really bad, Goldi-"

Golden: "Dont. Call. Me. Goldie. Never. Again."

Sun Wukong: "Yes, Ma'am... :(."

*After that, and getting the item, Probably MK and Mei gonna be supeer curious of how Wukong knows about her and stuff, annoying him until he answers, prob they gonna get upset that he cheated on her and all, but They prob support Golden more than him saying that she "dodged an Bullet" LOL-*

But, Yeah... After that prob Wukong knows where this girly lives (he didn't knew since she changed like- direction of her kingdom 1838293nth times... To get this stalking ass monkey out of her ass, he only now knew it after that mission) so yeah, he's back, annoying, clingy, and prob will apologize until she forgets what he... done. To her, But! He know's someday she will forgove him and someday they will be friends or better! Be together again <33 (He loves the second idea.)

....

I love four from bfb urhjghsjsbwkdjwkdj Four why u hit me if i love u ahh noo pls AH-

[yourleftknuckle]

I JUST FUCKING WATCHED THE SPECIALS………DEAR LORD……I CRIED..TWICE!!!! I’m not gonna jinx myslef witht he posting thing cause I’ve still gotta say junk about spiderverse but BELIVE ME when I say my notes app is FULL and ready to be emptied out… but also the amount of screenshots i took is crazy I’m gonna be so honest with you 💔💔

Also the CLIFFHANGER IS EILD….when Wukong was interrogating azure about the scroll I was so mad that he basically fucking dodged the question, like your about to die man don’t do to us😭😭 and I wholeheartedly believed that the dude in the cloak was the fucking mayor but there’s a COUNCIL??

And also FREENOODLES WIN YAHHHHH!!!!!

along with the fact that peng in the first nb character in lmk!!! (Atleast in cannon i think) BUT OH MY GOS

I had to take a moment to replay the scene to make sure I’m not fucking crazy and they DID use they/them pronouns on them❤️

Point I made earlier still stands tho fuck that bird and their BITCHASS friends ���� like congrats on coming out that doesn’t excuse you being a HORRIBLE PERSON!!!!!

ANYHEO y’all it’s 2 in the morning and I need sleep so I’ll be heading to bed but trust I’ll whip soemthing up and hopefully get it out soon!! No promises though cause I’m gonna be super busy for like the next week💔💔

BYEEEE!!!

Also if your wondering where I watched the links are up in the LMK discord!! If you need an invite link or soemthing just dm me, or I can post the links on this post when I can!

Happy watching!!!!!

[jacobseedz]

Not this time - J.S

summary: deputy wants to take away the only man you care for, but you ain’t gonna let him. /female reader!

It was a hot, sunny day, in Hope County, Montana. Birds were chirping since the crack of dawn, wild animals were running around the woods, sometimes even on roads, stumbling into innocent and the not so innocent citizens. But now, that was beside the point. Today was the day Jacob and the Deputy would stand face to face in a battle.

There's was a terrible feeling inside your bones, you felt it since Jacob told you about his "grand" dumb plan. Never in your life have you feared for someone as much as you feared for Jacob in that moment.

"Don't worry, pup. I'll be back in no time." The way he said it didn't really convince you, and neither did him.

It was as if, he's already accepted his fate, that there was no coming back, no more cuddly mornings, no more sweet, domestic moments with your husband. And that scared you. How could he be so calm, when he knew he had someone waiting for him? What about you, Joseph and John?

That night he told you, you cried into his arms, pleading him not to go, because both of you knew, that it would be the deputy coming back victorious.

"Jake, please. Don't do this, I need you. Fuck, Jacob I love you, I don't want to loose you..."

"I... I love you too. But, you know this is my purpose, I have to do it, for my family, for you, to keep you all safe. I have to try, at least." he responded timidly, stroking your hair, as you sobbed into his neck.

It always made him frown, he never liked seeing you in pain, but he knew that was something he's been training for his whole life, since his childhood to adulthood.

"Fuck your purpose. I need you, you can't leave me... I'm afraid." you whispered back. Finally, you glanced up at his tired face.

"You'll be fine, pup. I know you will. You're my strong, girl. You'll find someone else, younger, maybe not as strong as me.." he winked, at which you scowled and hit his arm quite harshly. "..someone that'll make you happy.."

"I don't want anyone else, I want you Jacob.. Only you."

He was so much older than you, almost old enough to be your father, and you? You had a life ahead of you, places to see, people to love and connect with. How could you love an old ex-military soldier, with several marks and rashes scarring his whole body? Jacob still couldn't believe how someone like you, could love a man like him. Unbelievable.

"I know, pup. I know. You know I have a hard time expressing my feelings, but you're my only one, and I'll always love you. You're the light of my life. Even if I won't be here anymore, I'll always be by your side, watching over you."

You closed your eyes, his words rang in your head, like a goddamn prayer, never wanting to leave. And that made it so much more painful.

But not this time. You wouldn't let the goddamn, fucker get to you man.

Taking out your radio and called your wingman, the only person you could trust with what you were about to do, and that person was John fucking Seed.

"Okay, Johnny boy, I ain't letting my man die today, so you better fucking bring me backup and an emergency medic in case J gets caught in the fire."

"First of all, don't call me that. It's humiliating, second of all, yes ma'am, I wouldn't want Jacob strangling me if his little wifey got shot. I look too good to be dead yet."

You rolled your eyes, but smiled nonetheless. He really was the best wingman. After all, you and Jacob happened just because of him.

"Do you see him?" John asked, muffled voices could be heard in the background. His men were probably on their way.

It would've been easier for you to get Jacobs men, but unfortunately, that massive dickhead forbade them for responding to your orders this day, even in a life or death matter.

You took out your red rifle, it matched Jacobs, since he was the one to personalise it and gift it to you. "Eyes on the fucking target. Bitchass is getting their head thrown outta their shoulders today, no one, fucking no one messes with Mrs. Seed." You growled, watching the deputy through the sniper visor.

"Woah! Easy there, tiger. I might add another sin to your delicate skin, for all that cussing.. what do you think.. wrath?" He teased. You knew he was trying to ease your nerves, but right in this moment, you were ready to smack his head.

Sweat dripped down your forehead, you saw the deputy was moving closer and closer to Jacob. If you weren't careful enough, that sly snake might react faster than you, and end it in one minute.

Wouldn't be a clean shot, you thought, as trees were blocking your view. And you wanted that fucker down forever.

"John, i need your men coming from the trees, in case our beloved rook decided to bail."

"On it."

Watching the deputy carefully, you saw them get shot in the arm.

"Good one, Jake. Now please, aim for his head, for fucksake!" you whisper-yelled, hoping somehow he'd telepathically get the message.

Suddenly the Deputy left your eyes sight, which made you internally panic.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!!"

"Y/N? What's going on?" came Johns worried voice on the radio.

"I fucking lost them!"

Tears were welling up in your eyes. A sudden thought of waking up in the morning alone, made you nearly throw up.

You're strong, pup. Cull the weak.

That's what Jacob would say. And that's what you were about to do.

Quickly, you gathered your rifle, and moved from where you are, going closer to Jacobs location.

"John, I'm going in. Bye."

"What? Wait, Y/N, n-" before he could end his sentence, you turned off the radio.

Observing your surroundings, you quickly crossed a rocky path, nearing Jacobs location. Voices could be heard, from where you were, which was worrisome. Were they fist fighting? Was one of them dead? What the hell was happening? You needed to get there as soon as possible.

At this point you stopped caring if you were loud, Jacobs safety was your top priority, so you threw your rifle on your back, and took out a knife, the handle was handmade by your redhead, a wolf carved at the very head of it, a reminder of your very, at that moment, stupid husband.

"My brother saw all this coming." you heard him. He was panting, completely out of breath. You slowed down, quieting every step you took.

"I don't know if he talks to god.. that doesn't matter. He was right."

It was the moment you saw him, leaning on a big rock, one arm bleeding, the other one clutching his chest. But what hit you the most were his eyes.. the relief behind them.., how tired he was with all of Joseph's and the worlds bullshit. He saw the deputy as a fucking saviour. And that scared the shit out of you.

"Humanity is once again... in crisis."

Deciding, that you've heard enough of his bullshit, you moved forward, bringing the knife closer. Since the deputy stood right in front of you, focused on your husband, you took the chance and stabbed them once, then twice, then another two times in the back, ignoring their cries of protest and desperate wriggling. After maybe your tenth stab, you couldn't remember at that point, you pushed their body, watching it fall lifeless to the ground.

Jacob watched the scene unfold with wide eyes, a hint of admiration behind them.

"Pup? The fuc-"

"Shut up." you growled, never leaving your eyes off of the deputy, but walking closer towards Jacob.

Without hesitation, you took Jacobs gun from his jacket and shot the deputy's lifeless body two times, just to be sure he somehow wouldn't come back from the dead and kill both of them.

"Okay, John. I need a fucking medic asap, or I'll fucking whoop your ass."

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, but he won't be after I'm done with him."

"We'll be there soon. Don't bruise him too much." he laughed, worry still evident in his voice.

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose, "really, don't worry, he's fine. Just.. just be quick."

"Now, you." You turned towards the stunned man, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Sometimes I wonder if you have a fucking brain, the fuck were you thinking out there? Hey I'm Jacob Seed, the oldest and strongest brother, I'm just gonna go alone and kill the deputy, even though he single handed killed a hundred of our people, with a yellow smiley faced shoved! I'm brilliant and so is my plan!”

You yelled, pacing back and forth, shooting glances at the dead deputy from time to time.

"You could've brought at least three men, hidden them in the woods, hell, put them in a goddamn chopper, in case!"

Finally, you looked at your husband. He was at a complete loss of words, yet had a small smirk on his handsome, but stupid face.

"I like it when you're angry, it's hella sexy." was the only thing he said.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

He chuckled, then gave a full belly laugh, which made him cough a little bit and clutch his chest tighter, "I love you, woman."

"I love you too, you big pile of stupidness"

Both of you chuckled. Walking up to him, the adrenaline finally came down, tears streamed down your face freely, sobs taking over your body. It was so close, so close to loosing the only person you'd give up your life for.

"Come 'ere."

His strong arms wrapped around your body, giving you a sense of love and security, and most of all it helped you realise that he's in fact alive and still with you.

"I'm so damn proud of you, pup. You're the strongest person I know, I couldn't be more happy to spend the rest of my life with you. You're my one, and only you. Only you. Remember that. I'll never leave your side, you're mine, as much as I'm yours. I love you."

"Mhm.. I love you too, Jake. But promise me, promise you'll never do anything dumb, like you did today."

He chuckled, "promise."

Soon after, John and his men found you both, Joseph trailing behind them, both brothers wearing worried expressions, but instantly relaxing upon seeing Jacob alive, with an uncharacteristic smile on his face, holding you for dear life.

"She really is made for him, isn't she Joe?" said John, watching his medic take care of Jacobs wound.

Joseph didn't say anything, just smiled in response, glad to see his brother find happiness in this broken world.

Of course, It took some time and persuasion to make your husband stay at home for at least two weeks, but in the end, he never could say no to your puppy eyes.

So here you were, laying in bed, your head on Jacobs chest, his large arm resting on your waist, trailing random shapes on your skin.

"Do you regret what I did?" you asked, in a small voice.

There was a pause in Jacobs breathing, you couldn't see his face in the darkness, but he probably had his "thinking/focused" face.

"No. Do you?"

"Honestly? Fuck no. But, when I was up there, I saw your face, you looked relived... I don't know, to be dead? To finally be free from the pain and duties.."

He sighted, "I... I felt relived, in a strange way. But at the same time, I was scared of loosing my family. It's so important to me, especially since you came into my life, I never thought I'd find love, or that I'd be worthy of loving.."

"Of course you are! There's so many good things about you. And don't interrupt me."

He instantly shut his mouth and chuckled, you knew him too well.

"You literally make my life so much better, brighter. I know you may not believe me, but I love you so much, that I'd be willing to give up my life for you. I just can't imagine it without you. There would be something missing, like a last piece of puzzle that got lost.. you make me whole." you confessed, hiding your burning face into his neck.

Adding, "I really thought I lost you today, I was ready to throw it all and do anything to make sure you come back home alive, because without you, my life is pointless."

"Nothing ever will take me from your side, I promise you that."

With that, both of you drifted off to sleep in each other's arms with big, fat smiles on your faces.

[fresh-trans-fish]

Ds Miniforce AU facts:

Dream

- Dream got demoted from Solo to Team because he accidentally blew up one of the Miniforce headquarters. After that he was assigned to a team

- Dream's a bird, specifically a Dickcissel

- He mainly uses a bow since his power is better used for long-range combat

Ink

- He was an experiment that Miniforce saved during one of their missions

- He was trained personally by Dream and then was assigned into Dream's team after Dream got demoted

- He mainly uses a sword or his own fists

- Ink is a honey badger

Finch

- He graduated from the Miniforce academy at the top (yes Miniforce has a fucking academy)

- He was already in a different unit but then transferred

- His right eye had to be replaced with an artificial one (made by Hacker ofc) because some bitchass kids thought it would be fun to slingshot rocks at birds

- He mainly shields but also likes to use a gun every now and then

- He's a finch, specifically a Society Finch

Nightmare

- He was originally assigned a solo mission to protect a village of squirrels, but then he was assigned to a team because they had no one else

- He's the most recent graduate but just as old as Dream (He got held back)

- He's a racoon

- His weapon of choice is a sword or gun

Cross

- Dream's replacement for dangerous solo missions

- Took care of less dangerous solo missions before Dream got demoted, but now he deals with both

- He also took Dream's old transforming vehicle (Can turn from robot, shark, and bird and i think bear)

- Is always found transformed, barely seen out of his suit

- He's a Penguin

- preferred weapon is a gun or sword (Barely uses bow, says it takes too long to use)

- Also he has a motorcycle

Error

- Hacker's understudy

- Joined Dream's team for a short time before going back to being a scientist

- Isn't as strong as other members but has made many modifications to his suit to make up for it

- Is an axoltol

- Mainly in charge of the medical unit

- Preferred weapon is gun or the electro shock mechanisms he added to the hands on his suit

Blue

- Ex miniforce member

- Worked for the villain for a short amount of time

- He's a fox

- No Preferred weapon

Hacker

- Scientist

- Rich af

- Contributed to the development of the robots

- Made the suits

- Spoils his friends almost daily (aka sugar daddy)

- Strong af

- Fruity af

- Joined Dream's team for a bit longer than Error

- He's a cat

- Preferred weapon is his double swords and hand guns

Bobby

- Still in his studies in the academy

- Was put in Dream's team once for field experience

- Looks up to Nightmare (He thinks he's cool)

- Is a bunny

- Preferred weapon is gun

Randy

- Senior Miniforce member

- Now assigns missions to other members

- Is a dog (Specifically a Saint Brenard)

- Is the one that suggested Dream get demoted to a team

[fallenasleepyetagain]

Sickly - Blue/Killer Fic

Prompt: Sick Fic

Prompt from: @yearoftheotpevent

Media: UTMV/Undertale AUs

Genres: Pre-established relationship (kinda), enemies with benefits, human AU, Killer is dying (he’s fine), hurt/comfort, whump (??? kinda)

Characters: Blue, Killer, Dream, Ink, Nightmare, Cross (mentioned), Dust (mentioned), Horror (mentioned)

CW/TW - Brief mentions of weed, mucus, and general sickly stuff. No needles

Word count: 5783

God-fucking-damnit!

Why did Nightmare have to be such an asshole!

It was a rarity for Dream to go out with both of his friends, as they often hung out at home. If they did go out, it was either on solo excursions or Ink dragging Blue to go do whatever. Only once in a blue moon they would go out and do something as a trio. However the universe seemed to be against them. Or, more specifically, Nightmare was against him. It was just who Nightmare was. A pain in the fucking ass.

The trio were chilling at a park. Normally they would’ve gone for coffee or something like that, but it was in the middle of the day. None of them were that much of a coffee drinker to get a cup at two pm. They had just gotten out of a nearby museum, which none of them found particularly interesting. Ink thought that the small art exhibit was neat, but Dream was just happy to get out of there. The only one who seemed to be enjoying himself was Blue, however that might be due to the massive muffin he got at the cafe that was inside.

Despite their failure at the museum, the park that they were in was nice. Blue gently bit into his muffin, his feet brushing against the grass beneath him. He and Dream were sitting on a bench, Dream’s arm being carelessly thrown over his shoulders. While there was room on the bench for Ink, he decided to lay on the ground on the opposite side of Blue. He smoked a blunt as he felt the grass with his free hand and Dream mentally thanked the universe for there being no kids in the general vicinity. It was nice.

Until that bitchass known as the King of Negativity had to ruin anything! Screams rang through the park and before Dream could stand up, Nightmare had sent a building tumbling down. Ink had shot straight up, shoving the blunt into his pocket.

“Come on!” Dream helped Ink to his feet and turned his attention to Blue, “We’ll get you another pastry later, we need to go!”

With a heavy sigh, Blue left his muffin to the birds. He ran, keeping a steady pace behind Ink and Dream who always seemed to be wildly ahead of him. It wasn’t like he minded too much though. Being behind allowed him to think. He adored Dream and Ink, but they were… a lot all of the time. When he was with them, he often couldn’t hear his own thoughts. But when the wind was in his ears and he could only focus on his heartbeat, it allowed him to think. Given the chance, Blue would consider himself a deep thinker.

However, his mind couldn’t think about his place in the universe, not at the moment. Not when he had to strategize. When it came to fighting off Nightmare and his gang, there were certain steps Blue had to take. Most of them used to avoid dying. However, ever since a few…more than homoerotic encounters with Killer he had a few more factors to consider. Such as whether or not he felt like doing their flirtatious back and forth with deadly weapons. Sometimes, he was more than down to play Killer’s game and other times he wanted to do literally anything else! It was just how their relationship was.

As the unnatural feeling of dread washed over him, he decided that he did feel like playing with Killer. He was in a good mood, despite him losing his muffin. He would be thinking about that for days. Even if Dream got him another one…man. Maybe fighting Killer would make him forget about it for a while. That’d be nice. Killer was really, really, good at distracting him. It was something that Blue both loved and despised about him.

Catching up with Dream and Ink wasn’t difficult, they never ran fast enough to leave him in the dust. Being close to Dream, especially before battle, was especially important. Just his presence was enough to counter Nightmare’s aura.

“Dream!”

Through heavy and controlled breaths, Dream responded, “Yeah?” “I’ll take Killer.” 

“Ooooh! Going to make out with your boyfriend?” Ink laughed, his body language oddly casual for the situation. His hands were slipped into his pocket, Broomie tucked loosely in his elbow. Blue scoffed at him, rolling his eyes. He didn’t dare complain though. He’d much rather be teased to oblivion over being kicked out for his intimate relations with a mass murderer. He deeply appreciated it actually, even if he didn’t say anything.

There was no time for another word as Dream pulled out his broadswords and sped up towards Nightmare. The city street was a mess. Cars were piled on top of each other and the road seemed torn apart. The building that had crashed down,had crashed in a surprisingly vertical manner. Nightmare and Cross were standing on top of it all. From where he was, Nightmare was shouting instructions to the others. His teal eyes scanned over where Blue and his friends were coming from, narrowing as he caught sight of Dream. Words left his mouth but Blue wasn’t listening. His eyes were scanning the nearby area for Killer. Ink had already gone up ahead to fight off Dust and Horror.

Sometimes Blue felt like he wasn’t pulling his weight enough. More often than not, it was Ink versus two, Dream versus two, and him versus one. Sometimes they fought as a three versus five, but that happened very rarely. However, after taking a second to watch Ink and Dream fight, he remembered that, unlike the two of them, if his arm were to be cut off then he would probably die. And then he always felt a little better. Dream and Ink always did some crazy shit during battles, and then he didn’t feel as much as a burden.

The norm for fighting Killer was a fucked up game of hide and seek. He’d be in the shadows, and Blue would have to find him. It pushed Blue to keep his guard up, as if he didn’t Killer would have him pinned with a knife to his throat. Once found, he and Killer would start their dance.

Needless to say that alarm bells immediately began ringing in Blue’s mind when he saw Killer out in the open. Honestly? He wasn’t looking too hot. He was leaning against the corner of the building, knife loosely held in one hand and the other resting against his forehead. His general spunk wasn’t there. Something was wrong. Blue could feel it. He didn’t slow his pace as he approached Killer, just in case Killer would snap back into reality and attempt to stab him. He was not in the mood to clean and treat a stab wound. He never was. Who would be?

Killer. That’s who.

The freakazoid (who Blue thought was in desperate need of a therapist) always found a way to make stabbing him foreplay of some kind. Never before in his life was getting a wound stitched up by the guy who stabbed you remotely sensual. He guessed that’s what happens when you live in a universe with a man with tentacles coming out of his back and a superiority complex, a best friend who ate an apple and can survive getting his head chopped off, a way too tall buff guy with major daddy issues, and whatever the fuck is going on with Ink. Killer fit relatively well into that group, now that Blue thought about it.

Speaking of Killer, something was definitely off. Blue had made his appearance obvious, and yet Killer barely moved. He didn’t even notice Blue was approaching until he was within stabbing distance. And when Blue was within stabbing distance, Killer gave one of the weakest attempts at stabbing him that he had ever seen. It was slow. Sloppy. Blue tucked his rapier into the sheath on his hip and grabbed Killer’s right wrist. The knife clattered against the pavement as Blue, a bit more rougher than he intended, pushed him against a nearby wall.

As Killer’s back slammed against the wall, a flurry of coughs came out of him. Blue still held onto his wrist, but now it was to hold him up. Killer coughed. And he didn’t stop. It was more heaving than anything, and it was like he was coughing his lungs up. Blue nearly gagged as yellow, blood-stained mucus came out of Killer, landing right in between his boots. After a minute or so of Killer coughing and sending up small chunks of mucus, which Blue was extremely grossed out by, did he finally stop enough to catch his breath.

“Sorry about that baby Blue,” Killer wheezed, still clinging to Blue to keep him upright. “You’ll hafta excuse me, I’m not exactly on my A gaACK-!” Blue shoved him back against the wall, much gentler this time, by his shoulder. Blue slipped off his fingerless glove and pushed back Killer’s dark brown hair to feel his forehead.

“You have a fever.” It was a general statement, more just so Blue could confirm his thoughts out loud.

“Must be why I’m soooo hot.”

Blue facepalmed, dragging his hand down his face. “Why are you out here? You’re clearly sick.”

Killer just shrugged, a knife appearing in his hand once more. “Like I’d let the boss down,” With a shivering hand, he caressed the side of Blue’s face with his knife. “Plus, you think I’d waste a chance to see you? No way!”

“Mm.” Blue pushed Killer’s hand away from his face. “You need to go home and get some rest! You practically hurled your lungs up at me.”

“Lemme think about that. Hmmm…” Killer put the tip of the knife to his chin, thinking. A cruel grin spread across his face and he lunged toward Blue, “Nah!”

This did not end well for Killer, as one might assume. Blue could see the attack coming from a mile away, a sick Killer was a slow Killer and even without being sick, Blue was usually able to dodge his attacks anyway. So the sad attempt at a stab went nowhere. With a heavy sigh, Blue bent down out of the way before scooping Killer up by his waist.

Manhandling Killer was not what Blue had in mind when he went into this fight but here he was, carrying a sickly serial killer over his shoulder. Despite the protests coming from the man slung over his shoulders, Blue was still mulling over taking Killer. Kidnapping- no. No. It’s not kidnapping, he’s taking care of Killer. Clearly, Nightmare hadn’t noticed. Or bothered to care. Blue wouldn’t hold it against him. Maybe. It was an immortal thing. When he got the flu a few months back, Dream was astonished when he could barely stand without help. Dream, the miraculous bastard, didn’t get sick. And Blue guessed that Nightmare was the same.

“Yo! Blue! Put me down!” Killed kicked and shoved at Blue’s back, all the while going through a violent coughing fit. Ink and Dream wouldn’t mind. Would they? Killer could stay in his room and Blue would deliver him back to the castle when he was feeling better. So it wasn’t kidnapping! Ahah! It was just him borrowing Killer for a bit. That was all. He made a mad dash past Dream, Nightmare, and Cross. His scarf whipped around in the wind, a sound that Dream was awfully familiar with.

Taking in a deep breath of air, Blue shouted at the top of his lungs: “Dream! Portal! I’m taking him with me!”

It wasn’t very often that Blue reaped the benefits from Dream’s “punch first, talk later” mentality. This time however, it came in handy, allowing Blue to both get Killer home and not interrupt the fight going on. Dream was atop the pile of rubble, which was a good distance away from where they were fighting. Dream didn’t even bother to properly look over at him, just using his peripherals to get the general area of where Blue was. It was impressive.

“Thanks!”

“Boss!!” “Hey! Where do you think you’re going with him?!” Nightmare shouted at Blue when he saw Killer flailing over his shoulders. It was, however, far too late for Nightmare to realize Blue’s plan. When Nightmare attempted to stop Blue, Blue was already a foot through the portal Dream had opened for him. There was always a staggering difference when universe hopping, often a change in temperature or air quality. Per usual, Ink and Dream didn’t seem to mind, but he often needed a second for his body to recalibrate.

The difference in the air between the two universes was staggering, and Blue took a second to stabilize himself in the front yard. Killer clung to his back, coughing as he did so. Blue staggered to his feet, breathing in the non-polluted air. The change was drastic. The world that he, Dream, and Ink lived in was a world of nothing but forests and animals. It was just them. It was quiet, nothing but the sound of birds chirping to each other and the wind. A beautiful afternoon, really.

With a heavy huff, Blue shifted how he was holding Killer. Killer wrapped his legs around Blue’s waist, surprisingly not fighting Blue as he held him like a baby. Or a really big dog. He had caught his breath from his last coughing spasm, and decided that being a snarky dickwad was the way to go. To be frank, he was always snarky. Just to varying degrees. “I, can NOT believe that you, Mr. Perfect Hero, just kidnapped me! Didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Let’s be clear,” Blue grunted, trying to open the front door without any free hands, “I am not ‘kidnapping’ you, I am taking care of you because you won’t do it yourself!”

“I am also completely astonished at the fact that you haven’t dropped me yet! I’m taller than you and yet, here you are. Tossing me around like a ragdoll.” Killer spoke, messing with the foliage by the front door. He managed to touch one of the delilahs that Dream had planted and caressed its petals. Killer took in a deep breath, “And, I do hate to break it to you, I don’t need help. ‘Preciate it babe, I really do, but no thanks.”

A yelp escaped Blue’s lips as Killer started to pull himself up and off of Blue’s shoulders. He struggled to keep Killer on his shoulders and buckled over as Killer freed himself, kicking Blue in his stomach.

“Toodles sweetheaRT!” Killer only made it a few paces away before Blue came running at him. Blue slammed himself into Killer’s waist, the two slamming into the yard. “MotherFUCKER!”

Once more Blue found himself in a situation that he never expected to be in. Wrestling a sickly Killer who was, surprisingly, still able to fend for himself in the front yard of the house. It was only a matter of time, however. Blue would overpower him eventually when exhaustion and illness caught up to him.

“Just let me do this!” Blue shouted, narrowly dodging a swing with a knife to his head.

“No! I don’t need your help! I can take care of myse-”

Killer began to cough again. He writhed against the ground, nails digging into the grass. Blue ran over to him, holding onto his shoulders as he gasped for air. Sweat dripped from his forehead and Blue helped him out of his jacket, wrapping it around his own waist. As Killer continued to heave, mucus coming out of his mouth, Blue grabbed his wrist to check his pulse. It was quick, maybe abnormally quick? Blue wasn’t sure.

“Sh-Shit,” Killer coughed, allowing himself to be helped up by Blue. He opened his mouth to say something more, but he hacked up once more the moment he opened his mouth. Blue shushed him and assisted in escorting him inside the house, this time with little fighting back. The door was unlocked, as there was no one else in the universe apart from the Star Squad, and Killer raised an eyebrow at it.

The inside of the house got an eyebrow raise of astonishment. The house was homey, and was more modern than Killer expected. It was a crossbreed between contemporary and cottage-like interior design, and it meshed the two well. How that was possible, Killer couldn’t put his finger on it. Killer didn’t get a lot of time to marvel at the incredible interior design of the place as Blue led him up to the second floor. The second floor was much less open than the second floor, being a hallway with lots of doors. For one of the doors, Killer could tell immediately whose room was behind it. It was covered in drawings and various paint splatters, and it was fairly obvious as to who resided in the room behind it.

As for the other doors? It was less clear. There were four- no, five, shit his head hurt. There were five doors on the second floor, one on the left side of the stairs. And once you were facing down the hallway, there were three doors on the left and one on the right. The middle door on the left was Ink’s, and Blue led him right past that one.

Getting down the hallway took much longer than Killer would’ve liked to admit. His head was throbbing, his chest felt tight, and he felt uncharacteristically slow. He put a hand to his forehead, rubbing it as if it would help alleviate his headache. Blue opened the door to his bedroom and Killer was treated with a room full of blackout curtains and lots, maybe even too much, clutter. Blue helped Killer out of his shoes and gently scooped him up to get him onto the bed.

With a heave, Blue setted Killer down onto his bed, and promptly began flicking on the variety of lamps and string lights scattered across the room. Once finished, the room had a cozy aura to it, and Killer could clearly see most of the clutter that Blue had.

“I’m going to get somethings, alright? Don’t go anywhere.” Blue said. It was supposed to come off as stern and commanding, but the concern and worry it was laced with didn’t give it the power he wanted. Luckily for Blue, Killer couldn’t even manage the idea of getting up now that he was laying down. He gave Blue a thumbs up, and Blue left the room, leaving Killer’s jacket on the chair by his desk.

Killer took the first couple of seconds to stare at the ceiling. How did his condition get this bad? He could’ve sworn he was fine a few days ago! Now that he was here, however, laying down, having no choice but to experience what his body was feeling. And that feeling was awful. Every time he coughed, his chest rocked with pain. His body ached all over, and he couldn’t stop shivering. Shit, he needed his jacket.

After staring at the ceiling got boring, Killer’s eyes glanced to the right, where a massive shelf full of action figures of various media were meticulously placed on each shelf. He snickered to himself, looking at them all. He was sure Blue had organized them in some sort of convoluted way.

Before long, Blue came back, his arms full of things. As Killer expected, it was a variety of medical supplies. It was set down on the side table to his left, but Blue didn’t do anything with it just yet. First, he went over to his desk and opened his laptop, logging in and opening a few tabs. From across the room, it looked like a note-taking application and some search engine.

“Watcha doing over there?”

Blue pushed the chair out of his way when he got up, moving it completely away from the desk. “I’m going to keep track of your symptoms as well as finding out what exactly is wrong with you.”

“Well, you’re going to be searching for a looong time then.”

“Hah hah.” Blue spoke with a stone cold face. He had dragged the chair from his desk over to the bedside table. “I’m going to take your temperature now. Hold this under your tongue and don’t move it, alright?”

“I can’t believe you don’t have one of those, um, one of the thermometers that you can run over your forehead. I guess heroism doesn’t pay.”

“It’s not about payment!” Blue ground his teeth before taking a breath, “Can you just do this for me?”

“Fine.” Without further complaint, Killer let Blue put the thermometer into his mouth. He slipped it under his tongue and stared up at the ceiling as Blue walked back over to his laptop. He bent over the desk, typing away, likely in the notes window instead of the search engine. Killer tilted his head upwards, grinning wildly to himself.

The thermometer beeped, and Killer took it out of his mouth. Without looking up from his computer, Blue asked, “What is it?”

“What is what?”

“The temperature, dipshit. What is it?”

Killer rolled his eyes, although it wasn’t visible due to his lack of pupils. “One o’ two.”

“One hundred and two…” Blue repeated softly to himself and typing it into his computer. “You can put it back on the table now.”

It took Killer a second to realize what Blue had said to him, but he did so eventually. He watched his hand as he set the termometer down, and cringed as he saw it shaking violently. His entire body was shivering in this manner. It was uncomfortable, with sweat dripping down his face. He put his hands over his chest and coughed, swallowing the mucus that came up as he did so.

“Motherfucker…”

“What?” Blue walked over to Killer, concern prevalent on his face. He sat down and took a cloth and wiped the sweat from Killer’s face. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m shaking again…” Killer coughed out.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Huh?”

“How long have you been coughing and shivering like this?”

Killer shrugged, tilting his head to the opposite side. “I dunno…a few days maybe? Not a crazy long time.”

Standing up again, Blue nodded. He went back over to his computer, and pulled up the search engine tab. Killer couldn’t see what was on the screen, but he could make a guess that Blue was searching up his symptoms.

“Have you been sneezing a lot or struggling with a runny nose?”

“Nope.”

With a hum, Blue continued on his search. It didn’t take long for him to find what he was looking for. He stood up once more, and Killer wondered if he was getting tired of the back and forth pacing across his bedroom, and plopped down next to Killer.

“What’s the news doc?”

For the first time, Blue smiled at that. Killer felt his chest warm, but not in a sickly way. “Well, it’s very likely that you have pneumonia. After getting whooping cough off of my list, webMB suggested that a form of pneumonia might be a possible and-”

“YOU’RE USING WEBMD??? Oh my goddd.” Killer wheezed, “It’s a miracle you didn’t diagnose me with lung cancer or some shit holy jesus.”

“Hey! WebMD is a fine diagnostic tool as long as you know what to look for! Second of all, even if it did give me lung cancer, you’re twenty six! People your age rarely get diseases like that.”

“First of all, I’m twenty five.”

“No you’re not.”

“I literally am.”

“You’re three years older than me. I’m twenty three.”

“Whatever, anyways-”

“NOW!” Blue clapped his hands together, promptly shutting up Killer. “While I think it might be pneumonia, I need to check one more thing, alright?”

“‘Kay.”

Blue’s fingers brushed up against Killer’s shirt before sharply pulling his hand back. “Ah! Sorry. May I?” He asked, gesturing to his chest.

“You don’t have to ask to touch me babe.” Despite his body aching and current state of weakness, Killer managed to find the strength to touch Blue’s cheek with the back of his fingers. “You’re always welcome to have your way with me.”

“Okay!” Blue chirped, and Killer wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or not. Blue slipped his hand up Killer’s shirt, having it rest on the left side of his chest. He bent down slightly, resting the side of his ear against Killer’s chest as well. There was the soft beating of Killer’s heart and Blue exhaled softly. “I need you to breathe normally, okay? I can’t do this if you’re freaking out.”

“Ye-Yeah, sure.” Killer tilted his head to his right, tearing his eyes away from Blue who was bent over him. “Whatever.”

Trying desperately to keep his breathing calm, he studied the action figures on Blue’s shelving. They weren’t in boxes, and yet they seemed clean and wellkept. Even the shelf itself didn’t have a single mark on it. A smirk grew across his face, and his hand trailed across Blue’s lower back, holding onto his waist. 

“What are you doing?”

“Holding you.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Blue slipped his hand from Killer’s shirt, rolling his head over to the other side. While he very well could’ve shoved Killer off of him, seeing as how weak he was at the moment, he decided against it. He didn’t hate being so close. 

“I like your dolls.”

“My whu-HEY!” With cheeks flushed, Blue shot straight up. Killer pulled his arm back just in time, and his grin widened as he saw the glare on Blue’s face. “They’re not dolls, they’re collectable figurines!”

“Uh huh. And Nightmare isn’t the King of Negativity.”

“You know what?” Blue held his hands up, “I’m not going to argue with you about this. Just know that you are wrong.”

“Sure I am. Hey, where are you going?’

Blue turned around slightly, hand already on the doorknob. “I’m going to get you some water, and then I’ll see about finding you some medicine. Do you have a GP?”

“A what?”

“That answers my question. I’ll be back. Just…try to relax.”

And with that, the door was shut. The room, no, the whole house, was quiet. Killer rolled onto his side, facing away from the door. Now that Blue was away, all of his pain came back in waves, and stronger than before. He pulled his knees into his stomach, curling up onto the bed. Shivering and sweating was a horrible mixture, and he hated how his body couldn’t decide between being hot or cold. Maybe he should just sleep. Naps always helped.

First, of course, he had to cough up his lungs and shoot some gross mucus into the trash can by Blue’s bed. He hadn’t noticed it before, but there it was on the left hand side of the bed. Once he finished, he shut his eyes. Despite all the lights in Blue’s room, it wasn’t too much. In fact, it was perfect. Not too bright to make sleep impossible, but not too dark to make moving impossible either. Blue had somehow found the perfect balance. It was impressive.

Exhaustion ran over him, and when his eyes shut, he found himself unable to open them.

Killer didn’t die. Obviously. That’d be a rough end to the story, wouldn’t it? He just took a long nap. He did wake up, and at one of the worst times ever, to be honest. Drool was plastered down his chin as he sat up, still trying to compute where he was and what was happening. The analog clock on the desk showed “4:46” and Killer huffed. Four am. Great. All of the lights had been turned off. Blue must’ve come by and turned all of them off when he noticed that Killer was asleep. Blue must’ve tucked him in too, as the covers were neatly swaddled around him.

On the side table was a large bottle of water, some pain killers, and some type of, now cold, soup. The moment Killer’s eyes landed on the water, he grabbed it and drank the majority of it. The bed squeaked as he sat up, and was borderline frightened when what he thought was a pile of clothes on the floor stood up. Before he could summon a weapon though, his eyes adjusted to the familiar figure as the blanket fell to the floor.

“You’re awake,” Blue whispered, relief obvious in his voice.

“‘Course I am. Did you think I wouldn’t?”

Despite the darkness, Killer could see the outline of Blue’s body perfectly. And he could see Blue’s hand coming to touch his forehead. “I was a little worried.”

“Hah.” Killer took Blue’s hand and put it against his cheek. At first, his instinct was to kiss the back of it, but he decided against it. The last thing he needed was to get Blue sick as well. He wasn’t sure how his sickness was passed around, but he didn’t want to leave anything up to chance. “No need to be, as if I’d leave you all on your lonesome, plus-”

The thermometer was shoved in his mouth, interrupting him. If he had to guess, Blue got a wee bit flustered. He was incredibly suave, he wouldn’t blame Blue for not being able to handle him. The light from the alarm clock wasn’t bright enough, which was a shame. Killer would’ve loved to see the flush on his cheeks. What he could see, though, was the tiredness in Blue’s eyes. 

Shit.

Thermometer still in mouth, Killer patted the spot next to him. Blue climbed over his legs, sitting down next to him, hip to hip. The thermometer beeped, and Killer placed a hand on Blue’s thigh to keep him there. He knew that Blue wanted to write down whatever temperature that was on his computer. He wasn’t too inclined on letting that happen though.

Killer pulled the thermometer out of his mouth, holding it between his fingers like a cigarette. “Don’t get up yet. Stay with me for a bit.”

“Tell me what it is, please?”

“A hundred and one.” Killer set the thermometer on the bedside table, and turned to face Blue, hand on his cheek. “So, what’s happening?” “What?”

“What’s my diagnosis! How long do you plan on keeping me here, eh?” Killer winked at him, “And why’d you start feeling me up earlier? If you want to have a little fun, all you gotta do is call me.”

“Have you no shame? Why do you keep flirting with me???” Blue laughed softly, scooting down into his bed. “I think you might have some kind of pneumonia. I’ll keep you here for a few days, and if you get worse or show no signs of improving I’ll see about getting you into a hospital.”

Killer sneered.

“Don’t look at me like that. I want you to get better! And with lots of rest, you will.” Blue pushed some of Killer’s dark brown hair out of his face. “I got you some meds that should help.”

“Uh oh. What kind of meds?”

“Macrolides! They’re designed to assist the body in fighting off bacteria, which is basically what pneumonia is. Although that’s more of the drug type, it’s taken orally! I could tell you the specific medication if you would like me-”

“Yeah no. I’m good. Nerd. Why were you feeling me up?”

“I wasn’t-!” Blue face palmed, groaning into his hand. “I was checking your heartbeat.” “In the gayest way possible?!”

“Yes.” Such confidence. “A symptom of pneumonia is a rapid heartbeat. I think it was rapid? But I couldn’t be sure.”

“It was rapid because you were being gay and laying on top of me. Idiot.”

“Regardless, how are you feeling? Like your chest and stuff.”

How was he feeling? Emotionally? Surprisingly alright. It was nice to just flirt and chat. Physically, however? He felt like shit.

“Hurts. But the water helped a little.”

With a nod, Blue sat up. “I’ll go get you some more. Are you awake enough to try to eat some soup?”

“Wait no, don't leave.”

Blue got off the other side of the bed as Killer continued to whine. He quickly turned on his computer, recording Killer’s temperature before shutting it once more. Before he could get far, Killer grabbed his hand and tugged him back. With a sigh, he sits down beside Killer.

“Yes?”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“I’m just going downstairs.”

“Last time you did that, I fell asleep and I didn’t get to see you again!” Killer wailed, squeezing Blue’s hand and placing it against his face. “Just stay with me for a bit.”

Soft, gentle laughter filled the room as Blue placed his forehead against Killer’s. “You’re so funny. I’ll be back soon alright?”

“Noooooooo!”

“Here, would you like a goodbye kiss?”

Blue leaned in, going in with full intent to kiss Killer right on his lips. Before he could, Killer put his free palm against Blue’s face, pushing him back slightly. He wasn’t against the idea of kissing Blue, of course, sometimes he dreamed about it. But he was sick! He couldn’t be going around kissing a sick guy! (As attractive as he may be.)

“WOAH. Hold up Baby Blue. I don’t wanna get you sick. Having Dream or Ink taking care of the both of us would be literal Hell. So maybe, uh, don’t?”

With a frown, Blue huffed, “You were literally just flirting with me! I don’t think you’ll get me sick.”

Killer’s breathing hitched slightly as Blue got closer, a hand being placed on the side of his face. “Just one?”

“Just one.”

Their lips connected. It was more than a gentle peck, and Killer ran his hands through Blue’s hair. After a few moments, Blue pulled away, his hands gently stroking Killer’s face and shoulders. He gave Killer a final kiss on his nose, and grabbed the cold soup bowl and water bottle.

“I’ll be right back, promise.”

“I’ll be waiting.” Killer snuggled back into the bed, “By the way, I can’t believe that you are sleeping on the floor. Hell no. You’re going to share a bed with me.”

“Haha, alright alright.” Blue laughed, before yawning and walking out of the room. The door wasn’t shut that time, but there wasn’t much to see.

After coughing for a second, Killer continued to stare out of the room. His cheeks flushed and he pulled the covers up to his face.

“I love you.”

[blurglesmurfklaine]

I have a stupid story for you.

So my partner keeps chickens and I have a cat so when we moved in together had to work out the whole 'unlikely roommate situation' with the natural fear being that the cat would harass the chickens (she's primarily a house cat but does go out in the yard sometimes)

Anyway we needn't have worried. One of the chickens worked out that if she hides in the shrubs around the door and waits for cat to venture out, she can leap out in dramatic squawking fashion and scare the absolute shit out of the cat.

Cat now has a very healthy fear and respect for all the chickens and will in fact try to get me to come outside with her if she wants to go to keep her safe from the 'scary chickens'.

SULLY

I have been thinking about these mafia chickens nonstop for like ten days but haven’t been able to answer bc ✨life✨ and it’s seasons and whatnot but I have read this like three times omg it’s so silly and funny and cute and I have so many questions??? (Mostly Stupid Pointless ones like What kind of cat? What kind of chickens? Do they know I would commit war crimes for them?)

(Omg side note I just remembered this bc if this ask: we had a chicken when I was a child but she wouldn’t lay eggs so my grandma bought a rooster so she would start laying. Good news: it worked! Bad news: he was the MEANEST motherfucker on the planet. He attacked me unprovoked when I was like 7 (I KNOW it was premeditated bc he waited until I was out there alone) and I have a scar on my knee from where he fucked me up with his Bitchass beak. Flash forward to a few weeks ago, my friends and I surprise my best friend to a therapy farm where we have a great time cuddling with goats and cows and pigs and as we’re leaving there’s a chicken coop! The people say we can go in, they’re friendly, and I jokingly tell my friends “we should go in so I can face my fears bc a rooster attacked me when I was a kid” and I’m actually being so chill and brave about it and feeding some chickens when a fucking peacock comes up and starts stalking me??? Anyway he fucking shanked me with his talons and I started bleeding and I was like ??? I don’t have a fear of birds but should I???)

ANYWAY. that got away from me lmao. THANK YOU FOR SHARING!! I love your cat and chickens and I hope they are kind and sweet and not mean roosters

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 14x01 Stranger in a Strange Land

“Oh yeah Dean let his bitchass in” Yeah that’s why Cas was upset

“To be fair, he thought everyone was going to die” “who is this asshole?” “Oh we haven’t met him yet” “Wasn’t sure if this was Ketch in some disguise, but you get a better look at his face and realize he’s a different guy” “I mean it didn’t take 21 guesses at least” “Aren’t there only so many angels? Do we have time for Michael to be picking on the little guy?” “Do we have a whole fkn season without Dean now? What’s the fkn point?” “What’s the brown acid?” Idk. Drugs? “the hell is Cas doing in Detroit?” “that was the fakest fkn yawn I’ve ever seen.” “Maybe if you swallow while you yawn, it’ll help. Sarcasm, obviously” “gypsy vampires. Ok”

“You can’t say that anymore, right?” Yes that word is a slur

“Sam, you’re so full of shit’ “what the hell kind of shithead cause Cas to pray to god?” “those are some really douchey sunglasses” “can’t Cas reach across the table and burn this guy out?” “Really?” “Is it morning or night?” “Is this the angel one?” “OH yeah of course” “it’d be a little less difficult if Sam didn’t wear a v-neck under your goddamn flannel” “Are you gaslighting Jack with the nodding?” I get it - Sam nods like a bird

“I suppose he’s always chomping on those rocks” “Who is in bitch block? 7B?” ‘is that Lucifer? That can’t be right” “interesting. Sounds like he has the same demeanor as Lucifer” “why are they bothering with this guy? I know you don’t want to kill the vessel but it’s fkn Lucifer” “He already said yes once. Does he need permission again if Lucifer comes back?” “you all should invest in better security. Feel like they’re getting more popular” “gonna suck harder than Dyson V8.” “that’s when you say balls” “the better the bait, the better the catch” “a 4th D?” “quit chewing your goddamn fingernails. Horrible habit” “this is all they brought?” “what the fuck?” “yeah, I think you do” “something something go to hell?” “that’s a lot of slow-mo and close ups” “that was a lot of time to explain how to stab someone” “cooked him” “thats a pretty good line. I’ll give Sam that much” “well ya know” “not sure if icing the headache with a beer then consuming the beer will help” “can’t they ever shower or use a little peroxide or something?” “despite all the fighting and sweating, they have a fairly oil free complexion” “Jack’s getting really good at that phrase” “did he store his phone and his keys in the same fkn pocket? I don’t think I’d trust anyone who ever does that. No, I don’t think so but still” “what the fuck. We’re making allegiances with monsters now?”

[poured-my-past-down-the-drain]

I FUCKING HATE YOU AND YOUR CREEPY ASS BROTHER AND HIS BITCH ASS BOYFRIEND AND MY ANNOYING FUCKING SON AND HIS WEIRD HUSBAND AND–

sorry about that

love y'all (⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)

anyways

QUACKITY HAS LIKE A BILLION SHINY THINGS IN HIS PENTHOUSE PLS LET ME OUT

WITH HIS BIRD STUFF IDK HE HAS SOOOOO MUCH SHINY STUFF PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS

—glatt

Mmmm. No 🤗🤗🤗

I was considering being nice BEFORE you insulted. ALL THE PEOPLE I LOVE, you dumbass‼️‼️

Your bitchass attitude toward Q and Tubbo is why I don’t like you in the FIRST PLACE and now you DOUBLE DOWN???

No, sit in there and think about your actions >:( I’ll just ask Q for shinies on my own time.

He actually LIKES me, so I get what I ask for with him <3