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subtlereferencetomyinterests · 4 years

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Communication Issues (AT:TTSIMBCMEOAYSFIL)- Chapter Two

Ao3, MasterPost, Chapter One, Chapter Three

Relationships: (eventual) Romantic Analogince

I’m finally back from my impromptu hiatus!!! My laptop, like, just fuckin broke... but now I’ve got a new one so it’s okay!!! And the first thing I did with it was make these little characters Hurt.

Warnings: Repressing Emotions (k i n d a), food mention, self-isolation/avoiding one’s friends, general angst, cursing, unreliable narrator (maybe??? by that I mean Logan is stupid and has no idea what’s actually going on.)

Word Count: 5,244

To the best of your knowledge, the three of you are close. To see the facts: you, Roman, and Virgil spend the majority of your time together, partaking in a number of activities that all of you find fun. Comparing your time with them to how much you see, say, a friend like Janus- it becomes apparent that the three of you ought to be considered ‘best friends’.

However, you had preferred to be 100% certain of this, as you like to be with all things. It was a few weeks after Roman’s New Idea when you finally gave in to this preference (more of a need, really). You asked outright the nature of your dynamic with them.

Roman laughed at you. The abashment you felt was, unfortunately, a very familiar thing.

‘Is the idea of us being best friends really so humorous?’ you challenged, masking the sting you felt with indignation. Virgil had elbowed Roman sharply, explaining to him that you were seriously asking. His laughter stopped at once. ‘Of course we are,’ he’d said. ‘I thought you were kidding, because it seemed so obvious,’ he’d continued.

All you could manage was a small ‘Oh’.

So, yes, you’ve determined that your bond is more meaningful than on average. That hardly irks you; it’s a positive thing, in fact. It’s been good for you to have some kind of affection, even if the thought still makes you want to roll your eyes. It’s what’s just beyond that affection that’s causing an itching beneath your skin when the three of you ‘hang out’, as you so often do. That itching, those crawling little mites figuratively burrowed under your skin- it’s all been prevalent in your interactions over the past weeks.

Go over the facts, then, Logan.

Fact one: You aren’t used to intimate friendships.

Fact two: You have established an intimate friendship with Roman and Virgil

Fact(?) three: Roman and Virgil’s intimacy with each other is quickly turning away from ‘friendship’.

This brings you to the evidence, which gets a little fuzzier; some conclusions might have been jumped to, but you find that irrelevant.

Evidence (?): They share these Looks. A Look when Roman says something abhorrently stupid, but when Virgil jumps to insult him he sounds nothing but adoring. A Look when Virgil comes up with a particularly creative biting remark, and while Roman is just as quick to fire back with a playful tease of his own, there’s that obvious elated expression of pride that he holds just for the anxious trait.

That on it’s own wouldn’t amount to much, you’ll admit, but you’ve always been a careful observer of body language (out of necessity, given how words fail you when there’s subtext to be found). Their hands brush frequently, to the point where it cannot possibly be incidental. They not-so-subtly lean into each other when they probably think you aren’t looking- though perhaps you shouldn’t be looking anyway. While you are well-accustomed to platonic physical affection in not only your relationships with the two of them, but with all of your ‘coworkers’ (the bulk of it coming from Patton and Remus, predictably), Virgil and Roman’s physical affection exudes such romantic tension that you’re surprised Roman himself isn’t going haywire, because of the overload of feelings that fall into his area of expertise.

Your third piece of evidence comes from just last night. You’d returned from the kitchen, arms loaded with snacks for you all to share, only to find Roman threading his fingers through Virgil’s hair while the embodiment of anxiety carefully sketched on a folded sheet of paper. Virgil’s eyes had flicked up briefly, widening when he saw you as though you hadn’t only left the room for seven minutes and twenty-three seconds.

“Oh, hey,” he greeted with a tiny wave. Something odd and envious and just a bit bitter simmered in your chest, but you denied it whatever it seemed to be hissing for. You gave your friend a nod, setting down the food you’d brought onto the coffee table and seating yourself a good few feet from him and Roman on the couch.

“V and I got bored waiting,” Roman explained, “So we’re doing a little art collaboration. The rule is that we aren’t allowed to see what the other one draws until it’s done!” He seemed enthusiastic about the game, and Virgil was clearly invested in his work. You saw no reason to interrupt them, quietly deeming your original plan to watch blue planet together defunct. But you could still contribute to this new activity! You knew plenty of art history, thankfully.

“There’s actually a name for that- it’s called Exquisite Corpse. The term was coined by surrealist artists in 1925.”

Roman waved his hand, almost dismissive, and your heart- figuratively- sank.

“Yeah, yeah, in Paris, I already know. Yves Tanguy, Marcel Duchamp, et cetera et cetera. Art’s my whole thing, remember? Do you wanna play or not?”

“Oh, I- I don’t care for drawing,” you have never understood and will likely never understand most forms of visual art.

Roman shrugged, but before he could respond Virgil was folding up the piece of paper and handing it to him, blank side up. The vigilant trait pushed his bangs back and shook out his shaggy hair, which stuck up at odd angles due to Roman’s tangling.

“Whatever you want, L. You can put on that documentary you were talking about now,” Virgil said, reaching for the food piled up on the table. Your first instinct had been to agree, of course, and get back to the original plan for the day. As you took the remote, however, you couldn’t help but notice just how close they sat, plenty apart from you. It felt like a fitting analogy- and you’ve always had distaste for analogies.

“That’s alright,” a lie, “I’m feeling rather restless now- I think it would be best if I got some work done with this energy,” a half-truth.

You’d left before they could respond, trying to ignore the envy seething under your skin. It didn’t even make sense- you hated having your hair touched! While the history was interesting, Surrealist art did nothing but frustrate you! You don’t like drawing games, or people’s hands on your face, for goodness’ sake.

Presently, you stare up at your ceiling and reflect on your friendship, feeling it all start to click. You do not want it to click. You push your glasses up on your forehead and press the heels of your hands against your eyelids, soaking in the ache that results from the pressure. You’re so fucking sick of thinking, thinking, thinking- but the other option is leaving your room- which you’ll have to do very soon anyway- and interacting with other people.

It’s easier to handle with everyone else around to distract you, rather than just Virgil and Roman. Easier, but not easy. You groan, pushing yourself into a sitting position and letting your glasses fall back into place. You cannot just stew here forever, much as you’d like to.

Yet- It doesn’t make sense. You don’t want to see Virgil and Roman, sitting as close as they do now, dancing around each other so frustratingly. But you want to be around them so much that you feel you can’t help it, desperate to be caught between them like usual. But, no, you don’t!

You wish they could figure themselves out and actually get together, to save everyone the headache- but is that even really what you want? For them to officially be romantically involved, thereby distancing themselves from you even further? And then you’ll truly be the ‘third wheel’, as it were?

What do you want, you ask yourself repeatedly.

For things to go back to normal, you answer yourself.

You shake your head, no, because what does that even mean? Do you want them to not have feelings for each other, just so they’ll pay more attention to you? Now that doesn’t add up at all, because first and foremost you want them to be happy. Happy, and also spending time with you as much as each other. Yes, that’s closer to the point, you think. You want that closeness to be equal between the three of you, that makes perfect sense. So, logically, it follows that what you want is-

What you want is…

God, no, God, your eyes widen and your fists clench and, fuck, you almost shake as you try to hold back the encroaching realization.

You want-

There’s a knock at the door.

You breathe shakily, your hands tensing and untensing. There’s a knock at the door. The door of your room, because you are in your room, sitting on your bed. You’re here, and now, and you can breathe.

Dazedly, you stand, moving as though you’re wading through honey. You swallow back whatever feelings had been building in you only for the moment. You aren't willing to actually harm yourself by repressing them, merely holding them at the reigns in order to actually function enough to talk to whoever’s come knocking.

You click the door open, pulling it back to see a worried Patton. You are immeasurably relieved that it is him specifically.

“Heya, Kiddo. It’s been a while since any of us saw you today. I was just coming by to let you know we’re about to start picking a movie for tonight. Do ya feel up to joining us?”

That’s something you appreciate about Patton: he keeps in tune with others’ emotions with almost supernatural accuracy. Remarkably high-empathy being a power granted to him by his aspect, he knew when things were off, and he knew when someone did or did not want to talk about it. He didn’t barge up to your room and throw the door open with the enthusiasm he might usually express if he saw how you were uneasy, knowing that such an action could be overwhelming. Rather, he was checking in, quietly offering you an out if you needed it.

But you’re about to directly contradict yourself about that appreciation! Because this means that you have to decide what you do; because you maybe kind of want to be forced to see your friends, rather than forcing yourself to avoid them. You aren’t exactly sure you have the strength to be around them on your own, but you can’t imagine a fate worse than isolation in the wake of this emotional discovery that you totally aren’t focusing on right now dammit answer Patton.

“Yes, I must have been a tad preoccupied today. I’ll be down in a moment,” the answer’s out before you think about it. You regret it, and also you don’t.

Patton grins warmly at you, obviously relieved, and promises to wait for you to head down before they start. He disappears back through the hall and down the staircase in an instant, humming tunelessly as he walks.

It’s only after arriving downstairs that you become entirely sure that you’ve made the wrong choice. Roman is practically in Virgil’s lap, his head tilted into the facet’s neck while they playfully bicker with each other. When he spots you, his head shoots up, and he waves you over. In an amazing example of self-control, you sit one cushion away from the pair.

Throughout the night, you keep your eyes trained to the screen, trying to ignore however sappy Roman and Virgil get. You need space to think about this issue and find a way to solve it, and they need more space from their little tricycle anyway.

The movies pass in a blur. You think Virgil tries to say something to you before you go upstairs, but you don’t catch it. Your ears are ringing.

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>>

It’s predictable as hell, considering his semi-self-isolation before The Incident, that Roman is desperate for attention. He’s, in the simplest terms, clingy as fucking fuck. Something that’s mildly less expected than that is just how little you mind it. If you’re honest, with all the hugs and brushes and small comforts, it kinda rocks. Which might be an odd way to describe emotionally and physically intimate friendship, but hey. Shut up.

You and Roman’ve become a little attached at the hip because of this- though you hold tightly onto the excuse that it’s just cuz you want Roman to get the attention he needs, and totally not because you actually like the affection, too. You know the truth, though. The truth that it all… fulfills something in you, something that’s been craving attention that you didn’t even know about. It’s weird. Not bad, just weird.

You digress; the point is that you and Roman have a Thing With Touching, and that’s not exactly a shocker. Something you’re only recently coming to notice, however, is that this preference is one shared by your other closest friend, Logan. You could’ve sworn he’d be touch averse, and while he definitely has very specific boundaries (he wouldn’t tolerate touches to his hair, neck, or most parts of his legs), he’s exactly the opposite of averse, he’s just way too stubborn to initiate anything or admit it.

Who knew that only knowing a grand total of six other beings for your entire life- most of said beings disliking each other for a good portion of that life- would leave everyone involved more than a little touch-starved?

Oh well. No time like the present to fix that, you figure. This is all just your long-winded way of saying that whenever you’re in the room with Logic or Creativity, you’re 99% guaranteed to have at least one point of contact with them.

Which totally wouldn’t be a problem, if you weren’t falling irrevocably in love with both of them. But, unfortunately, you totally are.

When everything started, it was just Logan. He was too considerate and too goddamn caring not to make you feel things, the bastard. He understands you, almost perfectly, all the time- even though people understanding you completely goes against your aesthetic- and you feel like you get him all the same. In a way, your love for him makes sense. It always has, really, all the way back when he gave you that first glimpse of friendship. It’s always been Logan.

And that all would be horrible enough on its own, but then Roman blind-sided you with his teary eyes and deeply-rooted insecurity. Neither of these are technically ‘attractive’ traits, but dammit if you didn’t find yourself sympathizing to a painful extent. You not only comprehended his (gradually lessening) pain, you’re also surprised to note just how badly you want to help him through it, if only because you knew that you really could help. You can’t bear to watch Roman suffer, because the both of you, despite all the differences, are exactly alike. You find sympathy in his sadness, and affection in his joy.

It’s disgusting.

The plan was simple; you’d keep all the feelings inside, and then one day you’d die. You’d hold them all at bay and let the infatuation fade to a dull ache against your ribcage, settling into a bittersweet friendship with the two temperamental traits. It’s easy to push down when all six of you spend family time together, hell, you hardly break a sweat when it’s just the three of you, because you can just use one to deflect off the other! You are a fucking pro at ignoring your emotions.

Then movie night happened. You have no clue what specifically did happen, but you’ve managed to track the weird behavior back to that evening. Logan was stiff as a board all night, sitting as far as he could from you and Ro. He didn’t even look back at you when you tried to talk to him before he left. He didn’t answer the door when you tried to check on him later.

To say that Logan hadn’t left his room since would be a gross oversimplification. Oh, he’s venturing out, alright, but strategically. He comes down for meals. He comes down when Patton, Remus, or occasionally Janus ask for him, indulging them without complaint. Sure, he’s conveniently busy whenever it’s you or Roman knocking, but he’s already done so much with everybody else that day. No one could be concerned, because clearly Logan wasn’t avoiding anything.

Yeah, bullshit. He’s just diverting everybody else’s suspicions, but you know him too well for that.

He doesn’t work in the commons anymore. He doesn’t rise up in the living room, accompanied with a laptop or a kindle or what have you, just to have the quiet company of someone else while he works. He doesn’t seek you out to explain something he read on Tumblr, and from the looks of it, he doesn’t attempt to infodump about poetry with Roman anymore. And the nail in this coffin is this: when you attempt to confront him, he plays dumb. Logan plays dumb.

Logan avoiding you means two things: 1. one of your most trusted friends who you’re absolutely besotted with won’t talk to you, which is its own special kind of agony- and 2. you spend the majority of your time totally alone with the other friend that you are in love with, which is obviously not ideal.

By this point, you are well-acquainted with the various personal problems of your ‘co-workers’. Statistically, at any given point at least one side is having some kind of an emotional crisis. You figure that it’s best to get a headstart on solving this one, before you can talk yourself out of it.

But obviously you can’t do it alone.

“Roman.”

The side in question shrieks, spinning around hastily with wide eyes. You don’t even blink, staring him down from the kitchen doorway until he has the sense to stop screaming. He cuts himself off with a cough, clearing his throat and returning to whatever it was that he was doing. After an appropriate awkward silence, he shoots you a sheepish smile.

“Oh, ha- I- I didn’t see you there, Virgil,” he huffs a tiny laugh, his mouth twitching. It’s such a soft little expression, a bit embarrassed but mostly- Dammit, Virgil, you’re here for a reason! Keep it together, you useless homosexual.

“I guessed that, yeah,” you trudge into the room, lifting yourself up onto the counter beside the stove. “How are you?”

He pauses for a moment. It’s a simple question, but the both of you understand its true significance. You’re expecting an honest, no-nonsense answer as to how he’s been feeling. It’s sort of a system, to help prevent all that bottling up of emotions that you’re all so used to.

“I suppose I’m… a little out of it. I got rather caught up in sculpting for a good few hours,” as he explains, you notice him absently digging clay out from under his nails, “So I figured it was time for a lunch break.”

“Good,” you tell him, because it’s important that he hears things like that. He’s staring vacantly into the water that’s beginning to bubble on the stove, but you know he will return the check-in question to you in his own time. Technically, you could have just walked in and began with what you really wanted to talk about, but this method gives the conversation a more clear-cut structure. Greeting, followed by question-response, followed by question-response; it’s properly outlined.

“What’s going on with you, then?”

“I feel like garbage,” you see him blink in surprise, but he waits politely for you to continue. “I’m worried. I mean- I'm usually worried, but in this specific circumstance, I’m worried about-”

“Logan?” He looks up when he says it, his gaze searching.

“Yeah- um, yes. You noticed it, too?”

“Oh, please,” there's an obnoxious clanging as Roman idly swings around a slotted spoon, “I may not be as observant as you nerds, but you could stand to give me some credit.”

You settle him with A Look. He huffs.

“Okay fine! I only caught on when he… ugh, it's embarrassing, but we like to write. Together. On Wednesdays. But he’s been ditching.”

You already had a hunch about your friends’ little poetry sessions, as neither are particularly subtle about anything, at all, ever. It's super dorky, but it’s a very them thing to do. This development is concerning, to say the least.

“Wait, then why haven’t you brought it up?”

Roman squirms a bit, clinking his slotted ladle against the stovetop repetitively. You regret the interrogative tone that found its way into your voice.

“I didn't want to be, you know, needy. He said he was busy- and like, it was a little sketchy when he was only busy when I wanted to hang out- but- I just assumed he’d maybe gotten bored with it. I didn’t want him to get even more distant with me, so I didn’t say anything.”

Well, okay, you totally fail at not being distracted by that. Scooching a little further down the counter, you bump Roman's hip with the side of your foot.

“Hey.”

He doesn't look up.

“Roman.”

He groans, throwing his head back and glaring up at the cabinets.

“I know! Saying it out loud, alright, I know he wouldn't do something like that- it's just- I forget sometimes, Virge.”

You don't ask him to elaborate. He doesn't need to. He shifts away from the stove and drops his head onto your shoulder, leaning against you.

“But if you've noticed it too, then something must really be wrong, huh?”

You give a short laugh.

“Yeah. He's upset about something, I can tell. It’s fuzzy, though, that’s the weirdest thing. It's like, I can feel the anxiety from, but it's being overpowered by something else in there. I have no idea what, so it's gotta be out of my jurisdiction.”

He hums curiously.

“What’s the plan then? Drag him out of his room and make him hang out with us?” Roman's voice rumbles against your shoulder, and it's so comforting that you can't help but hook a leg around his waist to keep him near you.

“Great idea, I'm sure that he’ll really appreciate that,” your sarcasm (hopefully) takes the impact out of your downright cuddly nature. Roman is unfazed.

“That is literally what the both of you did to me mere months ago. I'd say that turned out pretty well, hmm?”

He tilts his head to the side, dragging out the hum with his face pressed against your neck. It's a concerted effort to snark at him instead of purring from the feeling.

“I doubt that L would appreciate something like that, just because you- Jesus,” you cut yourself off when Roman fucking nuzzles you, ew gross- “Oh my fucking God, can you- prrr- can you st- prrrrr- stop for one second? You're- re- rerrrrrr- distracting me!” You push him off of you, feigning disgust. You don’t want to, but you have to at least try to stay on track.

He just chuckles, dropping away from you if only to take his food off the stove.

“Sorry, sorry, it's just so hard to resist. You’re a kitten!”

“I know you're God-awful at genuine conversations, so I guess I'll let it slide this time.”

You see the offended look spread across his face, and hastily hold a hand up to interrupt.

“Logan.”

“Right, yes. Logan.”

“I mean, what would he say?” you drag your hand down your face, wracking your brain for any of his advice that you could apply to the situation. “He’d be all ‘the logical course of action would simply be to confront me, Virgil, because I am a stubborn little bitch and I will dance around the issue indefinitely,’” You nod, satisfied with both your impression and the conclusion it brought you to. Roman shoots you a comically wide grin.

“That was scary, how much you sounded like him.”

You shrug, offering a hum.

“So we should just… what? Walk up to his door, knock knock,‘what’s going on with you, man?’, and see what happens?”

“As crazy as it sounds, maybe this would be easier if we didn't prolong it for three weeks and complicate it like we do with everything else?”

There's a clatter as Roman struggles to reach the top cabinet for a bowl. You drop down from the counter, reach over his head, and hand it to him.

“When you phrase it like that, I suppose it sounds obvious,” he takes the ceramic and fills it up- without a thanks, the bitch.

“Okay. We do that, then.”

“Okay.”

You hover in the kitchen, watching him grab his meal and begin to walk away. He tosses his head over his shoulder, giving you a look that you can't quite place.

“Are you just going to wait there while I eat my lunch? We’ll go up in a few minutes, but I'd rather not pass out from lack of blood sugar in the middle of what's sure to be a whole production.”

“Oh- right.”

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>>

At your knock, there is absolutely no response from the other side of Logan’s door. You knock again- not so much as a footstep! You push down your immediate frustration at the nerve of him, knowing that you must keep your cool (but you also know that he has everyone’s knocks memorized; he knows it’s you!).

You spare a glance to Virgil. He stares back at you, lip worried between his fangs, hands twisting themselves at his sleeves. He’s slouching so much that he looks nearly as short as you.

“Is it… is it that bad?” your knuckles are still barely pressing against the inky-blue door, lingering. He nods.

“Fuck, dude, whatever he’s feeling is intense. But, I can’t figure out what the hell it is,” he makes an attempt at whispering, but it sounds more like screeching TV static than anything.

He’s in there, and Virgil isn’t the only one who can sense it. It’s electric; whatever Virgil isn’t picking up on seems to have fallen into your domain. Unfortunately, it must be one of your non-primary side functions, because you have no idea what the specifics are. You curse the fact that you aren’t nearly as in tune with these things as he, by design, is.

“We gotta get in there, Roman.”

The use of your proper name startles you. You grind your teeth, turning his suggestion over in your mind a few times before shaking your head sharply.

“You were the one that said we needed a subtle approach, you- Virgil,” you catch yourself before a nickname slips out, trying to share in his sincerity for the moment.

He gives a shaky sigh.

“I- I know what I said, but- Fuck, Ro, it’s bad.”

Now, it may be just because you’re a contrary bitch, but you have flipped on your original stance as well, leaving the both of you at odds. The worse this feels, the more you need to hesitate. If he’s avoiding you- both of you, the mini-him in your head reminds you, mind your mental filtering- then there's a reason for it. A reason to do with anxiety and you, which could easily be the ‘passion’ part of you, and that gives the strong implication that he’s deeply angry and hurt. In which case, you know that you could easily do something to make it much worse. You are very good at saying the wrong thing.

And so. You stare blankly at his door. Immobile.

Virgil elbows you.

You wrap your knuckles against the door and send him a glare. He groans, ramming his shoulder into yours.

“Okay, Roman, out of the way-”

“I’m getting some bad vibes-”

“Yeah, me too, that's kind of the point!”

“Well, there’s no reason to get snippy!”

“I don’t need a reason anyway, now move-”

At a light shuffling from behind the door, you both snap your mouths shut. It’s dead silent as you wait, more patient than you've ever been before, as the muffled footsteps draw closer to the door. They stop just short of it, and for a moment you don't breathe.

“I can hear you,” came a muffled, barely-audible rasp.

You fall against the door at once, pressing the side of your face into its cool surface. Virgil appears beside you, his claws suspended just above the knob. They hover like he’d be burned if he touched it. His voice is carefully measured, and he nearly sounds normal when he speaks.

“L, buddy, can you let us in? Can we talk?”

You nod along, realize that he cannot see you, and then enthusiastically proclaim your agreement with the statement instead.

There's a long pause. You fear that Logan’s left again.

“Is this… necessary?”

“I’d really like to know why you aren't talking to us, so yeah,” you try not to snap, you really do, but you can tell that you’ve failed as soon as the words leave your mouth. You hope he'll understand how you really meant it.

There's a sigh, and yet another silence. Virgil makes eye-contact with you, face twisted up with concern.

“It was not my intention for you to think me angry with you, if that's what you’re worried about.”

“That’s not it, Lo,” well, Virgil can speak for himself, because you were kind of worried about that. “I know something's going on. I know you.”

“Virgil,” his voice sounds much clearer, closer, as though he's pressed against the doorframe like yourself, “Virgil, your voice.”

“Don't know if you can tell, man, but I'm pretty anxious right now. And I know that not all of it is mine.”

At the next lapse, you don't wait for Logan to speak.

“Specs, hey, listen to me: I don't have a clue what's going on-” you let yourself smile, knowing that he can hear it in your voice, “Which is kind of my usual state, really- but the point is, it doesn't matter. We're here for you, no matter what. The three of us- best friends, right? Bee-eff-effs.”

“Best friends forever,” he mutters.

“Ah! I’m glad you agree!”

“No- it’s- I was correcting you, abbreviations have no place in verbal conversation- especially in place of simple phrases such as that one.”

“There he is,” Virgil chuckles, the distortion finally edging out of his throat.

Logan sighs. You hear a bump.

“I suppose, if you two are really so concerned,” the lock clicks, “Then it would only be hypocritical of me to refuse to speak with you on this matter, given how I encourage you to do the opposite almost constantly,” the knob twists, pushes forwards an inch, halts abruptly, “Although… I can’t promise you full transparency. I don’t- I don’t think I’m quite ready for that conversation.”

Well that is ominous. But, then again, progress is progress.

You step back, and the door swings open.

You fail to stifle your gasp.

Logan stands in the doorway, his head up, spine straight, and his hands behind his back- his usual stance. The posturing does nothing, however, to hide just how bloodshot his eyes are behind his glasses. He trembles, almost, when he looks from you to Virgil, and then back again. As soon as you meet his gaze, he glances down to the carpet, tapping his foot on the floor compulsively. It’s a state you’ve seen him in plenty of times, but the knowledge that this time you were somehow responsible for it pushes daggers under your skin.

“Well,” he falters, “Come in, I suppose.”

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timeisacephalopod · 5 years

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I wish you would write a fic where Tony is competent, why his company is no. 1 and who it was who actually taught pepper everything. Competent Tony is my no. 1 kink.....

Oh my lord it took me SO long to get to this but I finally have an idea! So, competent Tony it is (though mostly with the Avengers rather than his company).

Steve has banned him from the field and Tony might resent that more if he weren’t so worried about the team fucking dying. If Rhodey were around he’d agree but he’s not, he’s off on some kind of stealth mission in Butt Fuck Nowhere Russia at the moment so Tony is left to his own devices. “He’s leading you idiots on,” Tony tells the team through the comms.

He watches Steve on the security cameras he’s hacked into for a street view jump and then get blasted with one of Tony’s repulsers except deadly, if it were to hit Nat or Clint. It mostly knocks Steve out right after shoving him through a brick wall and Tony sighs.

“Can you not?” Clint snaps at him, trying to shoot an explosive arrow at Evil Tony who, after Steve reamed his ass, was discovered to not be the actual Tony Stark. Turns out HYDRA cooked him up in a lab figuring they can’t have Tony or his genius but they’ve got his blood so they made a new him. Fucked up, Tony knows, but the problem is less that there’s an evil him lingering around and more that the team has never really understood how he thinks. Before this it didn’t really matter, mostly it was just grating, but if they’re going to take evil him down they need a lesson in Tony Stark Brain and not in a way that results in them getting their asses handed to them.

By now he knows evil him has figured out team dynamics and he’s got a good understanding of the tech minus Steve’s shield, which doesn’t seem to follow any known laws of physics or react like any normal metal. Shit, even for vibranium its weird and its not how Steve uses it either. He ran tests with Shuri and by all accounts neither of them could figure it out. And Tony knows he’s good but Shuri is better, plus she’s far more familiar with the metal. Point is, evil him knows just about everything there is to know about them and idiot ass Clint is giving him more information by shooting exploding arrows at him.

“Clint stop fucking shooting those arrows,” Tony tells him.

“Bite me,” Clint snaps back.

Tony rolls his eyes, “fine, when he starts shooting repulsor blasts at your back don’t tell me I didn’t- oh, there he goes,” Tony says lazily as Clint dodges a blast aimed at his back.

“How’d you know he’d do that?” Natasha asks, taking up second in command easily.

“Easiest way to get rid of him is blowing him up now. Bonus points if you get close enough to him to either kill you both of kill him and injure you badly enough to take you out fast. You and Steve are priority,” he says.

“Then why the hell did he leave Steve after he sent him through that wall?” Nat asks.

Tony rolls his eyes, “first of all he needs to know how much damage Steve can take before he can kill him, hence why he’s mostly only trying to maim the guy. Second, the rest of you are pesky and the moment he went through that wall you all closed in. Wanda, I wouldn’t try and do that-” she ignores him and Tony watches as the energy that she uses closes around Evil Tony’s suit but he’d already noticed he’s done some kind of something to be able to manipulate Wanda’s energy too. Granted she has to be a certain distance away for that to work, which is why he’s avoiding close combat with her. That, and she’s the most powerful avenger as far as raw power goes anyway so its best to keep his distance and play more on her emotional side.

Not hard, when she’s as attached to Steve as she is. And to say she’s surprised when her power turns on her is an understatement. “Yeah, you’re going to want to stay within about fifty feet of him at all times. He’s figured out how to weaponize your energy signature, but only if he’s far enough away to do it,” Tony tells her.

Natasha sighs, moving closer to Clint and Tony rolls his eyes again. Do these people not listen to him? Well okay, they don’t and sometimes they’re right not to but god damn. “Natasha, stop fucking moving closer to Clint and get closer to Wanda. She’s your best bet at protection at the moment,” he says.

“How do you figure that?” Nat asks.

“And why are his priorities Natasha and Steve, shouldn’t it be me because of m power?” Wanda asks.

Tony shakes his head, “you’re the most powerful of us sure, but you’re also green and emotional and your ability to strategize on the fly isn’t near good enough to combat that,” he says. Which, despite his own emotional nature, is mostly how he gets around bad reasoning. “Steve is a strategy genius and so is Natasha, if they’re both alive then there’s a good chance the avengers will be a cohesive unit. If Natasha dies first Steve loses all reasoning and goes on a revenge bend, which is what he wants FYI, and the avengers fall apart. So basically Natasha, you’re the better leader and you should get him to kill Steve first. Or keep Wanda close enough that it makes sense to strategically retreat.”

“Fuck you,” Wanda tells him, Sakovian accent a little thicker than normal. Not his fault all that is true, though.

“The hell do you mean- Jesus Christ!” Clint yells, jumping behind a building to avoid being shot at again. “The hell do you mean stay close enough to Wanda to make a retreat?”

“I mean Wanda isn’t wrong about being the most powerful of us and that emotional side coupled with her inexperience in the field is a fucking disaster waiting to happen. She stays close enough to genuinely affect his suit he’s going to back off, it makes more sense to leave you all for another day than it does to brave an explosion of power that will more than likely nuke the damn city. The Natasha bit is just basic observation. Her heartlessness comes in handy for something and its that she doesn’t often let whatever she’s feeling affect her ability in the field. Unlike Steve, if we die she won’t lose her head and lead the avengers into disaster.”

“I would never do that!” Steve says, appearing back on the comms. So Sleeping Beauty is awake, great.

“Would too. Anyone need a reminder of Lagos?” he asks.

“You should be dealing with this,” Wanda tells him darkly. Meaning he should go die, because reading between the lines isn’t too hard in this instance.

“What exactly do you think I’m doing?” Tony asks them. “Besides, Lagos wasn’t entirely your fault anyway. The leader of a team should be able to determine when someone isn’t fit for duty and we all know Steve’s judgement, especially in regards to himself, is absolutely shot. Which again, Natasha doesn’t have that problem. Which is why you’re priority two despite being pretty easy to kill.”

“Where do I fall?” Clint asks.

“You’re basically the avenger equivalent to a cockroach on the banquet table, you only register because you keep interfering with his trying to kill Natasha,” Tony says.

“Why am I two instead of one if Steve’s judgement is so off?” Natasha asks. “Wouldn’t it make sense to kill me first?”

Tony shrugs, “yeah, but HYDRA doesn’t have a personal vendetta against you, he’s following orders there otherwise you would be his first target. Congrats on being the most dangerous. Well, kind of. Technically Wanda is the most dangerous but you’re more purposeful about it.”

“What exactly do we do?” Steve asks and oh, a switch up. Tony didn’t think he’d ask.

“He already told us, I have to stay close enough that he chooses to back off,” Wanda says.

“Try and kill him while you're there,” Tony adds. This is a pain in his ass to deal with.

Steve looks pissed, or as pissed as he can manage through his busted face. That’s got to hurt but Tony warned him not to go near Clint, who really only managed to toss his arrows fast enough to get pretty badly hurt rather than outright dead. But he’d accidentally tossed them at Steve in his panic and Tony would have been able to tell him to haul ass if he had the time to. But he’d barely had time to think the thought let alone say it out loud before the repulsor blast hit the arrows and sent both Steve and Clint flying.

Thankfully Tony had been able to warn Thor with enough time to grab Nat and fly off before Wanda went fucking supernova and leveled the upper east side. Not fast enough either, evil him made an escape so it didn’t even do anything to help them. Shit, as it is they’re lucky they evacuated that area anyway and the property damage, Tony’s pretty sure he just went bankrupt. And all because Wanda, however understandable, had done the same thing she did in Sokovia with Ultron when her brother died. She doesn’t do well with people she cares about being hurt in front of her and Tony gets that, really, but it’s not a good look when an entire section of New York gets destroyed about it.

Except now Steve’s mad about it and Natasha is thinking and Thor is confused as to why there’s two Tony’s and why one of them wants them all dead. “When did the one with the red energy show up?” Thor asks and Tony sighs.

“Oh buddy, you are so behind.”

Steve thinks its a bad idea and frankly so does Natasha but so far the only one who’s managed to keep up with evil Tony is not evil Tony so yes, evil Tony will be able to judge not evil Tony’s actions with the same level of clarity that Tony can judge his but something had to give. And she’s a bit tired of it being Wanda’s sanity. She’s a little worried its about to be back to Tony’s sanity because neither of them can manage to keep a cool head and that irritates her but teaching someone to keep themselves separate from their actions is a hard skill to teach. And she wasn’t much taught so much as she was tortured so she figures maybe she’s the one that’s missing out, who knows.

The point is that Steve nearly died, something she wasn’t even sure was possible for him, Clint also almost died, and Wanda is currently in jail. Which apparently Tony is working on but Natasha can see why the public is afraid of her. She’s gone, at least in their eyes, from one set of terrorist actions to the next. Though Tony is right in saying Lagos is more on Steve than her. Natasha told him she wasn’t ready and while he’s right in saying experience would make her more prepared that wasn’t the kind of mission she should have been on. Small stakes, low public interaction. That’s what Natasha suggested. Then she works her way up like SHIELD agents do.

But no, Steve didn’t do that and then Lagos happened and now New York and she’s pretty sure the people in the city are pissed off about being consistently screwed. Aliens were bad enough, but humans with the ability mimic bomb damage is a whole other preventable deal. Hence jail and yeah Tony’s on that too but Natasha isn’t sure how much good it’ll do given that Wanda has none of the clout the rest of them do. Even she has better standing despite her origins, though she’s also never blown up multiple cities and worked with a genocidal robot.

“And what if Tony loses it?” Steve asks, pissed.

“Then he dies and we better hope we can stop evil him,” she says easily.

Steve looks a bit horrified but Natasha has long since passed that stage. It is what it is and Tony is right, her level of heartlessness is useful. “There he is,” Steve says, pointing to the upper corner of the screen they’re watching on. Tony, their Tony, is already there waiting in stealth mode because somehow he managed to figure out where evil Tony’s hide-y hole was.

Natasha is fully prepared to curse Tony out when he gives away his position by firing a repulsor blast at his evil self, who predictably dodges it because he was way too far away for that to have done shit. When he fires back Natasha winces as Tony is hit, stealth mode blinking out as the suit takes the damage. “Why isn’t he moving?” Steve murmurs, looking closer at the screen. Natasha watches too, but nothing seems to happen aside, and this could be a trick of the light, the suit heals itself.

“What is that?” Steve murmurs. Natasha looks behind evil Tony though, because Tony isn’t in the suit that was fired at. Which evil Tony seems to realize as he starts to look around. A suit blinks into sight and evil Tony fires at it but it blinks out and must fly elsewhere before the blast reaches it. Another does the same thing but evil Tony doesn’t waste time on it. Instead he waits it out, obviously trying to determine Tony’s angle. So is Natasha because as far as she knew he only had a few suits and none of them look like the ones she’s seen on screen.

This happens for almost ten minutes, suits blinking in and out of sight before a suit right in front of evil Tony shows up and blasts the chest piece of the suit before blinking back out of sight and Natasha assumes he flies off. Evil Tony doesn’t take it well though and spins around, trying to relocate him. Doesn’t work but the next suit to blink into existence gets blasted not that much seems to happen aside from it not blinking back out in to stealth mode and oh. “Smart,” she murmurs, earning a frown from Steve. “The first suit was to test the damage that’d be done, the second plus the rest was a distraction. That last suit was to re-test to see if the damage would be the same. Once Tony’s hit his stealth is out of commission, he’ll need to move fast so he needs to make his hits count.”

Which, unfortunately, evil Tony probably already figured out. The next time Tony blinks into sight he aims for a leg and Natasha has no idea why when the power for the suit comes from the reactor but she doesn’t say anything about it. He also narrowly misses two separate blasts from his evil counterpart before he lands another blow and manages to get caught in a blast, effectively ending his stealth mode. Useless feature if it goes that fast and she swears, getting another look from Steve. “That’s a fucking set of prototypes!” she snaps. “He’s fighting himself with prototypes!” Idiot!

“Look!” Steve says as Tony takes another blast. “The suit, it's like... the damage is disappearing.”

She frowns, watching closer and huh, so it is. Tony lands another hit on the other leg and she rolls her eyes. “The chest plate!” she yells at Tony through the comms, “aim for his damn chest you built that suit what are you doing?” she asks.

“Jesus Nat, would you- shit- shut up?” Tony tells her. Evil Tony must know something she doesn’t because he starts to stay out of Tony’s range for an accurate shot. They hover for a long few moments, because evil Tony’s range for accuracy is the same as their Tony’s, before three suits blink back into sight and blast evil Tony, who falls from the sky with minimal power. When he lands the legs of the suit almost give out and okay, Natasha can see why Tony went for the legs now. Except it doesn’t do much to stop evil Tony from just fleeing out of the damn suit, which is exactly what he does, and disappearing underground.

“Yeah, don’t worry about that I have it covered,” Tony tells them before either of them ask. The screen they’re watching changes to follow evil Tony though his honest to god lair before he hits an invisible wall. He frowns, smacking at it and turning around only smack into another invisible wall. Tony obviously doesn’t want to risk it much because green gas fills the small contraption, which Natasha can now clearly see is a cage, before it filters out. Evil Tony is either dead or knocked out and she sits back in her seat.

“I can’t believe it was that easy,” she mumbles.

“Wouldn’t have been if he got further into that but he follows a highly specific pattern of walking when he’s in there, I went thought the footage. Hence the placement of his own invention, really nifty little cage that is. Totally invisible, probably got better bones for that stealth mode I was attempting. Anyway, uh... he didn’t anticipate me being able to break into his systems so we can um, be glad he didn’t try and break into mine. Probably wouldn’t have occurred to either of us given that we don’t need the other for intelligence. Its just that I knew he’d manage to slip the suit and if he was going to go down to his lab I needed to know what was in there, be prepared and all that, so I had to-”

“Shut up, Tony,” Steve tells him, fingers pressed to his temples. “Next time you deal with you.”

Nat slumps in her seat. “I can’t believe New York blew up when we could have just done this,” she mumbles.

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amwritingmeta · 5 years

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Hey! What’s your take on where Destiel’s headed with the end of the season? I’ve been unfollowing some people who have been very negative about the show. They’re allowed their feelings and opinions, of course, but I’m kind of at a weak point in my life right now and just can’t handle the negativity. I’m personally ready for the angst, and let’s face it, one of the reasons I love Destiel is because of their unhealthy dynamics.

Hi, love!

Ohhh, good question. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, actually, (shocker I know) so getting to write it out is a good thing. I thank you! :)

I’m sorry that you’ve felt affected by the negativity you’ve seen, but I’m glad you made the decision to put some distance between that negativity and yourself. Self-care and being honest with yourself about what you want to and perhaps especially what you can and can’t handle is so important! And being able to recognise it and make that choice for yourself is an immense strength, so whatever point in your life you’re at and whatever brought you there, I hope you lean on that.

To your question! And, oh, the Destiel question complex, dude!

I’ll start out by saying that Destiel exists within the weave of this narrative as an important possibility for deepening the message of this narrative.

I’ll add that I believe Dean and Cas were set up as romantic from the first episode of S4 (come hell or Eric Kripke bitchslapping me for reading too deeply into things) and that Cas was meant to be a catalyst for Dean beginning to see a reason to face his biggest fear, step out of the role of weapon and into his true identity, yeah?

Okay, I’ll elaborate on that.

But first I want to say that, for all the Destiel meta I’ve posted on this blog, for all the Destiel focused analysis and the flailing and squealing and the tagging of the greatest love story ever told (through subtext) I feel I have tried to be clear about the fact that this narrative, as a whole, is not centred on our love story.

Bear with me, there’s a point to this statement and I assure you I believe Destiel will happen, because I believe the writers wouldn’t spend all that thought-power on baking in such delicious subtext if what they were striving for wasn’t to have that subtext brought into text and doing what it was always meant to do, which is deepen the message of the narrative as a whole. #daretodefy

(let me also be clear that me believing is not the same as me promising it will happen okay?) (I just have complete faith that it will) (let me outline why) (and if you don’t want an earnest and personal dissection of my way of analysing the narrative that is also rather unromantic, but lands in all the positivity, then please look away now!) :)

When reading the love story arc, I can’t dismiss or overlook the importance of the individual arcs for Dean and Cas, because Supernatural’s overarching themes are freedom, choice and identity, which are all interlinked, of course, and the characters are each of them playing a part in exploring these themes and are pushing for these themes to come together into a message related to freedom, choice and identity.

That’s how narrative structure works, yeah?

I love these three men like they were my own. They live in my mind and have a piece of my heart and that’s not just me paying lip service. They’ve changed me, you know? Changed how I understand myself. So it’s not breezily I distance myself from them as people and look at them as basic narrative tools meant to help the writers make a statement about the world we live in and about how to live in it.

But that is what they are. That’s what they have to be in terms of narrative analysis. It’s all about asking the questions What does this mean for his progression? but also fitting that into What does this mean for the whole? How does this fit with what’s come before? And as far as speculation is concerned, landing in: What does that mean for what might follow? Yeah? Still with me? :P

So then, here’s the biggest thing that’s very easy to forget to underline when talking about Destiel: however real the love story is, this narrative does not exist for or revolve around the love story.

I think this is so, so important to remember.

The message of this series will be deepened if the love story is brought to surface text and the ginormaneous fuck you to the traditional (straiiiiiight) way of perceiving love and how love should be and how it should act and what it should look like is delivered by the end of S15.

And the effectiveness of the delivery is determined by the fact that it’s a traditional white male hero set to act as symbol for leaving that closed-minded and societally conditioned bullshit behind.

But the love story, to me, is the bright red bow around the overarching thematic message of facing your internal fears and finding your way to who you truly are. Because that’s what freedom is. And it’s freedom begotten through trial and error. Through learning from your mistakes and all those choices you’ve made. Yeah? That’s the core of the show. That’s what we’re watching here.

*and it is beautiful*

It’s also the thematic premise that unites the individual arcs of Dean, Sam and Cas, and now Jack as well. (but Jack is a mirror for all of them so his arc was bound to be a reflection, right?)

So when I think about what’s right for Destiel, first I look at where Dean and Cas are at in terms of this hugely important, overarching theme of identity, which is what is guiding their individual arcs towards a moment of catharsis.

I just cannot believe that a show that has spent close to a decade and a half exploring the idea of individuation would bring its lovers together and have them make each other whole.

I believe they need to first be whole in themselves, with all the self-worth that would bring on.

Which is why all the enormous internal progression that’s been given to us over the last few seasons, particularly in Dean, but in Cas and Sam too, has been so exciting to me! Because it’s a push for them all to reach a moment of individuation. And for Dean and Cas, that means believing themselves worthy of love and happiness!

Which is why the love story is the bright red bow, yeah? Because through making it surface text and letting them finally get together they’re given this huge reward for doing all that internal work, right?

And both of them reaching a point of individuation and laying the foundation for internal balance (because staying balanced is a continuing internal process of self-awareness and self-care) would be what allows the narrative to effectively send its message out to the world: let no one tell you who you are, you choose who to be, and good things await you if you dare to open yourself up to your true identity.

Well, then where are Dean and Cas at in their individual arcs as of 14x17?

(um got long…) :)

Dean

Dean battled with toxic masculinity representatives pushing awareness on him all through S13, so when Michael came around, Dean could now recognise him for what he was - his shadow.

Only, the awareness brought on an unconscious identity crisis that left Dean incapable of facing down his biggest fears and instead of engaging with the needed shadow work, Dean, in fear, decided to simply give up and give in and drown himself, because he couldn’t imagine what his identity could possibly be without this side to him pretty much in charge of him, yeah?

Taking control means admitting you’re out of control, and for someone so in need of control, admitting that you really don’t have any control over yourself is terrifying. So I get it.

It’s just that Dean’s inability to engage in shadow work and opening up to being honest with himself about the imbalance within him led to his shadow infecting the regressed side to Dean that was always in most need of acknowledgement: his neglected inner child. (represented by Jack)

Here’s what Dean needs: to let Sam go.

No, I don’t mean as in say goodbye forever and move cross country.

I mean, he has to let Sam be the adult he’s been for a very long time. He has to trust that Sam can take care of himself. Because even though I think Dean consciously recognises Sam as a grown man, unconsciously he is very, very stuck in the emotional patterns tied directly to Protect Sammy.

Dean sees Sam as his kid, and this was even underlined in 14x17 through how it opens on a board game Dean used to love as a kid before Mary died, and ends with Dean playing a game with his brother to keep him conscious.

Sam saying: You always put me first. Your whole life.

Honestly it continues to blow me away, because that exactly is the issue here. Dean never puts himself first. Ever.

His purpose is still to Protect Sammy at all costs.

And his neglected inner child is suffering for it, because Dean never had a childhood, and until he can admit to himself that Protect Sammy has damaged him in ways that he has to come to terms with, without feeling like he’s in any way betraying Sam, but rather opening up to acknowledging that neglected inner child, who is so starved for love and affection, Dean will never be able to confront his fears, expel them and in so doing integrate his shadow.

How exactly this is supposed to happen I wouldn’t dream of speculating on, but, to me, it does feel like this is what the narrative is circling for him. Because he’s aware of so many things. He’s aware of what the codependency has done to Sam and how it’s shaped his view on life and their joint purpose.

If we die, we do that together. Yeah?

And Dean doesn’t want that for Sam. And he’s tried to let go this season. And he’s tried to make Sam let go. But they keep coming back to well-worn paths, don’t they? And they still can’t find that balance in their relationship. Like how Dean just decided to leave Jack by himself in 14x16 and Sam’s annoyance at the deception, while Sam didn’t just step on Dean’s decision and override it in the moment, however much Sam was questioning it and disagreeing with it.

Oh, Sam. So much crap bottled up. Gah!

And then we can ask ourselves where Cas is at, and it’s an interesting at.

Cas

If you’ve taken a gander at my 14x08 meta on Cas and his shadow and the glory that is Carl Jung’s doctrine, then you know what I’m about to write, which is that Cas, at the start of S14, had come much further than Dean in his shadow work. In fact, the way I read S13 after Meredith Glynn planted the idea of a Jungian perspective on the narrative in my head is all to do with Cas doing a lot of shadow work and effectively reaching a point, at the start of S14, where he’s beginning to become truly self-aware.

The way he communicates with Jack about family and about belonging at the start of S14 is very different to the lost and rather adrift way he speaks about belonging with Mary in S12. Then Cas didn’t know if he truly fit in at the bunker, but now, and after the brothers markedly fought for him in 12x12, of course, he’s at a point where he’s actively referring to it as his home.

He also confronted the worst side to himself, his worst nightmare, a shadow representative in AU!Cas in S13, and not only killed this nightmare version, but acknowledge that he carries that nightmare version inside of himself.

So because Cas engaged in shadow work the moment he was confronted with his shadow representative (the Empty) in 13x04 and stood up to it and demanded his freedom, leading to all sorts of character progression throughout S13 and leaving him quite balanced at the start of S14, in 14x08, his shadow came to put a goddamn end to Cas’ growing self-worth and awareness, and the shadow came for the representative of that awareness for Cas: Jack.

And Cas, instead of giving into his shadow and handing over awareness, made a deal, trading his happiness for remaining in control of himself. Rather than drown in his fears, he confronted them and said no, I’m not giving into you.

But.

One fear had to remain in spite of this confrontation and saying no.

And it’s the biggest fear of all, for him as well as for Dean. And it’s the fear that stands in the way of either of them being able to fully open up to what they want for themselves.

What is it?

Indeed, it’s the fear of happiness.

Now, it would be grand to say that happiness in all things for Dean and Cas are explicitly tied to them getting it on already. But I would gently argue that it actually isn’t. And if I’m right, because I might not be and if I’m wrong then, omg, bring on the smooches NOW, I really don’t mind, but if I’m right, then I believe it strengthens the love story, rather than weakens it in any way.

Because?

Because then the fear of happiness is tied into the series overarching theme of identity, which makes sense to me that it would be. And it ties right back around to the theory that for Dean and Cas to be happy together, they first have to be happy in themselves. To be together, they first have to answer the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be?

Essentially: What do I want?

So, real happiness is tied to them recognising and embracing their true identities.

For Dean this is all to do with letting go of Sam as identity marker, letting go of Protect Sammy as life purpose, and putting himself first. (for once) There’s a helluva lot of baggage for him to rummage through to get there, because his entire self-worth has, for practically his whole life, been tied to taking care of and looking out for Sam. Yeah? So I’m curious, if I’m even in the ballpark with this reading and this is what really needs to happen before anything else can really happen, how the writers will approach truly breaking the codependency once and for all.

I’ve always had this sense that it’s on Sam to properly instigate it by stepping out from Dean’s shadow, and Sam is being a research God and getting shit done and solving problems like it’s nobody’s business so maybe… We shall see!

For Cas… Well, anyone following this blog will know what I’ve got to say about Cas and his true identity, yeah?

For him to choose to cut out his grace and become human.

Cas has gone through many stages in his progression, but I do believe he’s repressing his true want because it’s such an absolute affront to Heaven, to God, to the strict rule book of angel/human interaction that Cas has been brought up on. (so his conversation with Anael in 14x17 was just manna from Heaven to me)

Choosing a human life, to him, isn’t anything he’s even considering and I think that’s actually telling, because he’s avoiding even the hint of happiness like the plague, and I believe humanity has always been where the root of happiness truly lies for him. Because it’s his true form, you know? Not this in between thing he is rn.

*still makes me want to cry that he called himself a thing*

I mean, the whole Making a Big Choice thing could be circumvented by the fact that Cas cutting out his grace is the same as him not having to fear happiness anymore, because as a human he doesn’t belong in the Empty. So he could essentially realise that he can free himself from the deal, and then, actually, understand (when the Empty shows to nab him in his happiest moment) that humanity is what he wanted for himself all along. Like holy fuck THIS is what happiness truly feels like. *personal freedooooooom* *individuatioooooon*

But I wonder at what would bring about such a choice - whatever the scenario - with drama on the horizon, so I’m doubting this choice will happen this season.

(if at all) (let me be clear) (human!Cas is just what I - and others with me! - see as the narrative push for his progression) (it’s not a 100% has to happen or bust) (I mean it kinda is to my mind and I’ll be hella curious to learn what the big turning point is for him if it’s not realising he doesn’t even really think of himself as an angel anymore) (I feel he’s been transitioning since S4 tbh) (from angel to man…)

Anyway, that was one helluva roundabout way of landing in an actual answer to your question. Phew! Sorry this got so very long!!

The answer to your question is that I’m not expecting any sort of textual Destiel before the end of this season.

I am, however, very excited to see exactly what the subtext is about to deliver with the next episode. And, well, I suppose what the text will deliver, too, because Dean is textually telling Cas that he’s screwed up badly enough that Dean is ready to threaten to shut him out of his life. I mean. Drama. Right?

And, look, the thing to take away is that everything is connected.

The individual arcs are influenced by the joint arcs (Sam and Dean and Dean and Cas) and the joint arcs progress thanks to the growth happening in the individual arcs.

The love story arc doesn’t exist in a vacuum all on its own, but I do believe its conclusion is the needed punctuation mark for both Dean and Cas’ individual journeys, because their individual progression would never have been what it is right now in the narrative without the other there to act as catalyst and northern star.

And you can see it. Because when you take one of them out of the story, the progression of the other stops dead in its tracks. And it’s something I’ve always loved the subtlety of. And it’s really what has me convinced beyond any doubt that there will be a satisfactory conclusion, too. It would leave such a hole if there wasn’t and I think the writers would feel it like a wound in the brain.

(#daretodefy)

And hey, I think that the unhealthy dynamics between them - with the absolutely atrocious lack of communication in moments that truly matter at its core - are all about the unhealthy imbalance within. So fingers crossed they’re getting on that introspection train. They won’t lose the sass and the throwing bitch faces at each other, you know? The fact that they question the other’s choices is actually part of the healthy in their dynamic. But, yeah, man… if they could just know when to speak up and when to share and when to…

Yeah.

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bamby0304 · 6 years

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With Wolves- Ch.12

Series Masterlist

Bamby’s Masterlist

Summary: Known as The Omen, your reputation puts fear in some of the most dangerous and deadly Alphas. So when you’re caught and sent to the worst maximum security facility unknown to man, no one expected an unclaimed Omega to walk through the gates in shackles and an orange jumpsuit. Word circulates, and before long there’s a price on your head. Who will claim the untamed Omega?

A/N: Thank you to @moonlitskinwalker for betaing the chapter!! I know it was last minute, but you did a great job and I appreciate it so much. Thank you :):)

Warnings: Explicit language. A/B/O dynamics. Angst. Mentions of previous attempted assault. Mentions of past killings.

Bamby

Sitting on your bed in your cell, a week after the argument with Dean and incident with Sam, you were still reeling. Your mind was going a thousand miles a minute. The anger on Dean’s face was imprinted in your memory… along with his brother’s words.

Dean had kept his word and kept his distance, but you’d caught him in the cafeteria and yard a few times. He was still pissed, and seeing you just reminded him of all the reasons why he was seeing red. He would huff and puff, but watch you nonetheless, because despite being angry he was still your Alpha. Maybe his emotions were making his instincts worse…

You’d done yourself a favour and kept your distance from Sam, but you’d spotted him, too. How could you not when he was determined to keep an eye on you? When your eyes locked from across the room or yard you felt your cheeks flush as he gave you a knowing look. There was no doubt in his mind that his words had affected you, and there was no doubt in yours that he wasn’t done…

It was agony. Being away from your Alpha and feeling things for another. There were so many conflicting emotions whirling inside you, it was amazing that it hadn’t driven you mad.

Not only were you troubled with the brothers, but it had been a week. A full solid week. That meant you’d gone through three rounds of injections. You were starting to feel the change. You could feel something happening, you just didn’t know what. You did know, however, that it wasn’t good.

There was a feeling, a voice in the back of your mind, crying out for help. It was desperate for the safety offered in your Alpha’s arms. It was desperate for a release from the drug. It was desperate for freedom. It was desperate.

You were pretty sure you were going to go into another early heat.

Out of every side effect that you could be plagued with, that had to be the worst. Honestly, you’d rather death at this point, because if your heat came not even two weeks since the last one broke, you were screwed. Metaphorically and literally screwed. But, by who?

Dean? Doubtful. The guy was still pissed. At you and the drug. If he found out that the medication was pushing you into another heat then he was going to go crazy. You wouldn’t be surprised if his rage pushed him to killing people in an effort to save you. He already hated the drug, that would just be the cherry on top.

But you couldn’t go without an Alpha. Sam had offered, of course, but you couldn’t go there. The tension and strain between the brothers was already bad. If you let Sam in, if you let him… God it would only lead to death. Dean would kill him.

Of course, if it wasn’t one of the brothers there was a line of Alphas willing to give you what you needed… willing to take what they wanted, too. Just the thought of someone else’s hands on you made your stomach churn.

So, like you said, you were metaphorically and literally screwed.

“Hey.” Kevin walked into the cell, carrying a few books he’d brought from the library.

You perked up at the sight of your friend and the books. “Did you get them?”

Nodding, he put them down onto the desk in the cell before pulling out two books. “Yep. Here we go.” He handed the two over to you.

Eyes dropping down, you smiled lightly at the titles. Since reading about packs and the like, you’d grown fascinated in learning more, so you had Kevin bringing you books every once in a while. Most of the stuff you ended up reading wasn’t news to you, but it was still good to have a distraction.

As you flopped down onto your bed, Kevin grabbed himself a book. He watched you in the corner of his eye, unable to get drawn into the words in front of him. He was too concerned about you. While you were engrossed in your own book, you weren’t unaware of his stares.

“Speak, Kev.”

Sighing after a moment’s hesitation, he lowered his book and turned to you completely. Considering the guy was usually timid, you were surprised by how easily he was giving into your words and into whatever was plaguing his mind. Unfortunately, what he had to offer wasn’t a subject you were thrilled to discuss.

“When are you going to talk to Dean again?”

You gave a short shrug, trying not to show how tense the question had made you. “When he pulls his head out of his ass.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. It was short and slight but it was a thing, and it was a surprise. “He’s an Alpha. He’s your Alpha. All he’s trying to do is protect you.”

“I don’t need protecting,” you reminded him, pushing up to sit on the bed and turn to him. “And even if I did, I don’t need an Alpha.”

“You do during your heats,” he noted, eyes going wide at himself the moment the words left his mouth.

Since meeting him, you’d known Kevin as a shy guy that stuck to those who meant something to him. Sam and Dean had obviously made an impression on the guy, because he felt safe with them despite their nature. In a place full of people who would willingly rip him to shreds for the fun of it, Kevin had learnt how to survive. He learnt that in order to stay alive he had to stay quiet and find himself a pack. So far he’d managed to do just that… until now.

Dropping your book to the bed, you rose slowly, suddenly feeling like you took up the entire space of the cell. By the look on Kevin’s face, he felt that power, too. Pushing back into his seat, he averted his gaze, trying to make himself look small. But it was too late.

“You think, just because I’m an Omega, I need an Alpha? I have survived for years without some knot between my thighs. I get locked up in this place and less than a month later I’m tied to some hot-headed Alpha. You want me to talk to him? To the guy that won’t let me walk down a fucking hallway without freaking out? He’s overbearing, overprotective and extremely possessive. He thinks he owns me because I had a lapse of judgement while over run by hormones, and let him bite me. Mark me. Claim me. Well, fuck that. And fuck you. All of you. I don’t need him, and I certainly don’t need your judgement.”

Without a second thought you turned on your heels and walked out the door. Out of the cell. You stormed down the hall, dodging the cat calls and leering gazes of whoever you came across. Your temper was running so hot you couldn’t care less to think of any background noise. All you could focus on was the storm inside you.

A week. It had been a week of change due to the drugs, a week of loss because of Dean, a week of confusion thanks to Sam, a week.

It’s honestly a wonder how you’d lasted so long. You were a ticking time bomb at the best of times, to be out under such stress should have made you snap days ago.

***

You’d spent a good hour or so just walking. Storming around to cool down from your outburst. In the end you found yourself in the yard, sitting on a table in a corner, out of the way but not out of sight.

Most people had left you alone, but some fools had made a move. Everyone was well aware of the fact that you and Dean were rocky. They knew you were avoiding your Alpha, and so they assumed that meant you were open for business. But, for some reason they seemed to forget that you weren’t some whore for them to rut against. You weren’t some Omega bitch for the biggest baddie in the playground. You were a person, and a moody one at that.

After the first few guys had tried to make a move and ended up limping away, no one else approached… until he did.

Castiel.

It had been a few days since you’d seen him. It had been even longer since you’d shared words. He knew how fragile things could be when an Omega is recently mated, and he got the feeling with you things would be worse. You already hated the guy, coming to you now was like risking his life.

But he also knew you wouldn’t kill him. You couldn’t. If you did, if you even tried to hurt him badly, you’d end up in the Pit in a blink of an eye.

So, he approached. Not with the cocky confidence of every other asshole that had come your way. No, he walked with that same indifference he’d had since the day you met him. It was rare to see any emotion on the Alpha’s face. During the years you’d known him there were only a handful of times he actually seemed human.

“What do you want?” you asked coldly.

You had a feeling he was going to say something along the lines of what Kevin had. You knew the two of them were close with Dean- he was one of the pack’s Alphas after all. Cas was the loyal type, despite how empty he could be. He also couldn’t read social cues as well as others, which often lead to him reading you wrong and getting someone hurt. Most of the time it was someone else’s blood that was shed… one time it was yours.

Instead of mentioning the Alpha of the pack, though, he surprised you.

“I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Out of reflex, you scoffed. It was ludicrous. “You’ve never cared about me before. Why now?”

Brows furrowing, he watched you carefully. “I’ve always cared about you.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” you told him bluntly. “There’s a reason why I hate you, Cas. Don’t play dumb now.”

He took a step closer to your table, leaving maybe three or four feet between you. Any closer and you would break something. Probably his nose… hopefully his jaw… maybe his neck.

“I did not mean to-”

“Lead me into a trap?” you asked him with a sharp glare. “Leave me for an Alpha?”

Flinching at the harshness of your words, he shook his head. “I did not leave you.”

Suddenly, without warning, you stood and put yourself right in the middle of those three steps that had separated you moments before. “I’d asked you to help me on a case. We were friends. Friends help each other. I thought I could trust you. But then you called in a favour. I didn’t think much of it. Even when you told me jack shit. Didn’t blink an eye. You knew I was on the edge of my heat, so I assumed it would be fine. You told me nothing. Just told me to meet you somewhere. Said you would be an hour, two tops.”

“How was I supposed to know-”

“We were friends!” you screamed, catching the attention of people around you. “You were the only real fucking friend I had. Forget about your dick and all that crap. Alpha or not, I don’t trust anyone. But I fucking trusted you. So I went, and I waited. When you didn’t show up, he did. I don’t even know his fucking name! All I know is he was an Alpha, and he was in fucking rut! The instant I smelled him I was forced into heat. I had no fucking control. I could have died.”

He shook his head, watching you with eyes that almost looked pleading. “It wasn’t like that. I didn’t mean-”

Like a switch had gone off, you were calm as you cut him off once more, “That’s not the worst part, because I’d killed before. He wasn’t my first, not by a long shot, so killing him was virtually easy. No, the worst part was after I managed to kill him. I was stupid enough to wait a little longer. I hoped, I prayed that him showing up was just an accident. A coincidence.”

“It was,” he insisted, but you didn’t care. You didn’t believe him.

“For hours I waited. I’d been forced into my heat and left in agony. I was covered in the his blood. I was a mess, I was confused, and I was hurt. The one person I trusted, the one friend I had…” You took a step closer to him. “You never showed.”

Not wanting to hear his excuses, having heard them all before, you pushed passed him and began to walk away. You got six, maybe seven steps, before you caught sight of someone and froze.

Sam.

He stood a few feet away, having been heading over to his pack’s territory, when he was distracted by you and Cas. There were a few others who had been watching and listening, and in the moment of your anger you hadn’t thought to control yourself. You hadn’t thought of anyone else… especially not the brothers.

If Dean had heard what you’d just said, if he learnt the truth, you were sure he would have stepped in. You weren’t sure if he would have attacked his friend, you weren’t sure if you’d want him to. But you were certain he’d at least get very Alpha and very angry.

Sam, on the other hand, couldn’t care less about Castiel in that moment. His eyes were on you, understanding and sympathy crossing his features. It was as if your words had filled in some missing pieces to the puzzle that was you. While Sam didn’t know the whole story, there were at least a few things he understood now.

Averting your gaze, you hurried off, wanting to find somewhere to be by yourself. But in a place like this you knew that was doubtful. You knew it was only a matter of time before someone else came along.

Bamby

#alpha!dean fanfiction #alpha!dean fic #alpha!dean x omega!reader #alpha!dean x omega!you #alpha!dean x omega!y/n #alpha!sam fanfiction #alpha!sam fic #alpha!sam x omega!reader #alpha!sam x omega!you #alpha!sam x omega!y/n #abo #abo dynamics #spn abo #spn a/b/o #a/b/o #a/b/o dynamics #with wolves

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mickeylover303 · 3 years

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while trying to free up much needed space on the dvr

I guess I want to at least be able to tell myself I posted something, even if it’s not finished. Playing AE can only do so much for the completionist in me, although I’m still not feeling particularly optimistic about any of this.

“That’s some of the most aggressive packing I’ve ever seen.”

Readjusting the clasp of the wide band around his bicep, Itachi spares a glance to Naruto and Sasuke standing at the cabin’s table.

Sasuke’s packing, it’s not aggressive, not by any definition of the word, but Naruto’s always had somewhat of a dramatic personality, with a noted tendency to exaggerate, sometimes if only for the sake of doing so.

As Naruto’s grown older, though, it seems to have become more so a means he’ll use to help lighten the mood, right now in particular, in the form of teasing, a casual attempt to divert Sasuke’s attention from the knapsack Sasuke has been methodically packing and unpacking for the past few minutes.

And it works, as that kind of attempt often does, because there are certain emotions Sasuke still tends to avoid, what Naruto likes to call part of weird biological tic Sasuke has, preventing him from expressing his feelings like normal people, since Sasuke doesn’t know how to use those things called words.

“I’m just making sure this is everything,” Sasuke says, as he lowers his hand, placing a small canteen pouch on the table.

He looks to Naruto walking to stand beside him, Naruto still peering at the knapsack, squinting, as he turns his head to meet Sasuke’s waiting gaze.

“What’s wrong with making sure Itachi and Juugo have everything they need?”

“Aside from this whole weird packing ritual thing you apparently have going on, you mean.”

“You know I don’t have any weird packing rituals, Naruto. And there’s nothing weird about me wanting to—”

“Okay, says you, but don’t you think you’re going to squish everything like that, the way you keep taking stuff out and putting it back in?”

“REMs and NPs? Really?”

“Hey, the blueberry tart package I saw, I bet you that one’s going to stain everything if it spills.”

“I already know how to pack, Naruto. You’re the one who likes to wait until the last minute, like you did Tuesday, when you already knew we had to leave for the peace...summit.

“Besides, I’m not going to squish anything. I’m just...I’m just making sure. I just want to make sure.”

“Eh, well, if you say so.”

With a light shrug, with the easy drop of his shoulders, Naruto doesn’t hesitate to raise his hand, lets it rest against Sasuke’s side, a careful touch that lingers with the placement of Naruto’s arm around him, yet it’s a touch Sasuke readily seems to all but sink in to, drawing from him a nearly inaudible sigh, as the tension begins to leave his body, before Naruto gives a light squeeze, slowly allowing his hand to fall away.

He takes a few steps back, although he doesn’t wander too far, eyes slightly narrowed, still watching, as Sasuke returns his attention to the opened knapsack on the table.

Again, Sasuke picks up the small canteen pouch he finally decides to place inside. It takes another moment for him to close the knapsack, until he seems satisfied enough to it leave alone, but then he’s already reaching across the table once more, reaching for the next set of already rationed provisions to place in the bag he’d found for Juugo.

That heightened extent of shared contact, between them that sheer level of physical ease, even at this point in their lives, at first glance, Itachi wouldn’t necessarily deem it inappropriate. It’s simply along the lines of the sort of interaction he’s come to expect, hence no need to intervene and his refraining from any mention of it aloud.

Yet even setting aside Sasuke’s age as a factor, though he won’t approve of anything beyond their more casual sense of intimacy (due to unique circumstances, a very distinctive closeness that genuinely developed as part of their friendship), he will acknowledge that there’s always been something a little more profound about their bond; even as children, already an intensity to the newfound relationship burgeoning between them, having evolved so very quickly, it made their parents exceedingly reluctant to move forward during discussions about enforcing any prolonged distance between them.

(Iyashi himself mentioned the long term effects of any immediate attempts to separate Sasuke and Naruto could prove to be more detrimental for them both, and suggested instead to monitor their relationship, to remain wary of signs that could lead to troubling patterns of co-dependency, in which case he would have to actively intervene.)

And although those discussions were before Itachi held as much sway in the decisions pertaining to Sasuke, even then he shared the same reluctance; of the very few people allowed near Sasuke, of the very few people who could be trusted, Naruto was the only person close to Sasuke in age, and, at least for the foreseeable future at that time, would probably remain Sasuke’s only friend.

Despite what he knows of their relationship now, what he inadvertently discovered merely weeks ago, after having the opportunity to cool down, as disappointing as it was that neither of them had told anyone, still, the idea of separating them hadn’t occurred to him.

He won’t say the change in their relationship came entirely unexpected, at least not the emotional aspects of it. The more recent physical aspects, though it was a possibility once or twice he may have subconsciously thought to consider, the discovery itself came after Sasuke had essentially been grounded, following his reckless decision to sneak aboard the Lazulum; and while he still hasn’t quite come to terms with the reality of his little brother having engaged in any sort of sexual activity (much less with Naruto), however short that period of time, he also can’t deny what was probably a natural progression of their relationship.

If it weren’t for that day Sasuke developed empathy, if it weren’t for a shared trauma that eventually compelled an eight year old Naruto to seek Sasuke all the way in Reife, even taking into account the previous attempts from their mothers to encourage a friendship between them, he isn’t sure Sasuke and Naruto would’ve had the opportunity to be as close as they’ve become.

Which, all things considered, is actually somewhat surprising, because in so many ways do Sasuke and Naruto complement one another.

He’ll even venture to say it goes beyond their more obvious parallels. They’ve grown up learning how to take care of each other, and they also happen to work very well together, at times seemingly in their own world, often do seem to share a familiar sense of understanding, similar lines of thinking.

Yesterday, when Sasuke recalled what he knew of Kabuto (a researcher regularly associated with Orochimaru, though only publically introduced during last year’s peace summit), alongside Kabuto’s proposal to increase funding for the experimental development of Magdunium alloy, Naruto immediately picked up on Sasuke’s train of thought, where Sasuke left off, was able to further the conversation initially prompted by Juugo’s mention of the metallic stone his people had been forced to mine.

(Arguably, within both their families, it’s near impossible and more so impractical to isolate themselves from many aspects of political culture, especially on Nagi, but that commonality has also led them to become more cognisant of the purpose politics serve, how the fluctuating dynamics of power tend to ebb and flow, ultimately allowing them greater insight into how the recent political climate continues to shape the world around them.)

However, in regards to the current state of their relationship, the attraction already between them suddenly no longer platonic, all he can do is establish clear boundaries, and trust that they’ll both continue to respect the necessity of those boundaries, which, so far, has been the case.

Perhaps, even more so than Sasuke, he has to trust that Naruto will maintain those newly established boundaries, because he still trusts that above all else Naruto will prioritise Sasuke’s safety in this kind of situation with so many unknowns, as Naruto’s already done numerous occasions before, what he’s shown himself capable of doing now.

Without any further mention of Sasuke’s packing ritual, with another glance this time Sasuke doesn’t return, Naruto turns to move away from the table, heading for the other side of the cabin, towards the black, electronic panel slightly protruding from the wall, where he placed his PCD to charge.

More often than not, as with many instances between them, the nature of their apparent closeness here is simply a product of their childhood, when Sasuke would actively seek the physical reassurance Naruto wouldn’t hesitate to offer, made evident by Naruto’s concern, rather than anything Itachi’s witnessed that would be cause for concern; it’s for this reason, even in light of what he does consider from Naruto to be as a more egregious sort of indiscretion, that he still has confidence in Naruto as both a highly qualified Academy trainee and the only other person Sasuke’s always felt safe with.

It doesn’t make the decision to split their group any less difficult, but, even given the circumstances, while not the most ideal situation, he’d still feel far more at ease separating Sasuke and Naruto from Juugo, having them stay near the ship, without having to worry about factoring into the equation a number of scenarios possibly effected by Juugo’s apparent volatility.

After Sasuke and Naruto are situated, he and Juugo will set off for the dale, because he does want to investigate Juugo’s claims, predominantly whether or not Orochimaru had been involved in some capacity, alongside the likelihood that whoever had been involved would return. Hopefully, going to the dale will reveal some kind of evidence that could help determine what may have happened on Barrah, if there’s even anything to be found.

To Juugo’s credit, he has been cooperative. Especially in this sense, he’s been more than agreeable, having easily accepted Itachi’s request, with seemingly no qualms about leaving Sasuke, despite his prior demonstrated attachment. Nonetheless, Juugo’s actions thus far still don’t negate the fact that he remains yet another variable Itachi simply can’t account for and someone with whom he hasn’t been able to establish a more comfortable degree of trust.

Unsurprisingly, Naruto didn’t question his decision. As Naruto’s commanding officer, there was very little doubt in his mind Naruto would try to contest it because Naruto truly understands the gravity of their situation, and particularly because of Sasuke, who, for the most part, fortunately, hasn’t been left exposed in an environment without his usual systems of safeguards, without the constant flux of people moving around him, often times out of his sight.

This morning, however, before they left for the ship, before Itachi even had the opportunity to announce his decision, during the lull of the shortened time for a meagre breakfast shared between them, Sasuke had approached him.

And though Sasuke had been the first to fall asleep, unaware of last night’s conversation, the last to wake, almost immediately, he’d been able to anticipate what Itachi intended to do.

“You’re leaving again.”

There was nothing accusatory in the words, unlike yesterday’s uncharacteristic attempt to provoke him, simply stated, nothing more, and yet the significance conveyed with those very three words, it resonated within him, remnants of the same sentiment underlying the now unspoken question Sasuke had asked so many times before, the same answer Itachi still hadn’t been able to give.

Admittedly, it wasn’t the first time he’d heard those words, but it still served to remind him of so many times when he hadn’t been able to stay by Sasuke’s side, on the eve of late night departures, with each gentle assurance of an elusive next time that only grew further and further out of reach, so many times what did enable him to endure, gave him the impetus to move forward against an increasingly wavering resolve—between the realities of necessity and childhood expectations, confronted with his past naiveté, the gradual loss of ideals he once sought to adhere to, now such seemingly whimsical notions of morality, so many times the very same light reflected in his little brother’s eyes, the very same ideals he himself failed to uphold, marred by his own convictions, actions he’s still unable to remit, by his own hands, too much of what he’s done.

And yet all of it would be so easily displaced by so simple a thing, seemingly the most mundane notion, however brief at times the respite, simply the thought of returning to Nagi, the thought of being welcomed home, the sight of his little brother running toward him, in between excited cries of Nii-san, being granted the warm smile on his little brother’s face.

Despite everything he’d never wanted to become, this person he could no longer recognise, this person he couldn’t allow himself to forgive, that Sasuke could still look to him with so much trust in his eyes, with so earnest a gaze, would readily give such unconditional affection, would so easily regard him with the kind of acceptance Itachi still selfishly strives to retain, among words carefully construed, around deliberate omissions of truth, one of the very few things he’ll allow himself to hold close, even now, as Sasuke stands in front of him, lips pursed, the way his little brother continues to peer at him, dark eyes searching, to near eerie an extent, almost knowing, beneath the reluctance he won’t voice, a sense of understanding more expected rather than any sort of resigned.

It’s a given his little brother doesn’t want him to leave. More to the point, he knows his little brother is worried. Despite attempts to appear otherwise, as cautious as Sasuke has to be with his emotions (how often he tries to pretend he isn’t as affected by them), as reserved as he already is naturally, poorly concealed worry he refuses to openly acknowledge has proven to be a reasonably consistent indicator of the state of Sasuke’s empathy, and why asking Sasuke if he’s worried would usually precede a good majority of his dailies.

(Save for mitigating circumstances, instances like this that do warrant considerable discretion whenever Sasuke’s empathy or magic is involved, eventually, the need for dailies lessened over time, persisting for a period more so continued out of habit, rather than the previously established necessity, until they were no longer part of Sasuke’s daily routine.

Iyashi had advocated for the change. Not long after Sasuke turned thirteen, shortly before the repercussions of that first peace summit, Iyashi strongly recommended that Sasuke develop a more self-sufficient routine, against even their parents’ initial opposition, actively pushed the case that Sasuke should begin preparing to become more emotionally independent, especially given Sasuke’s most recent empathetic attack at Yuna the year prior.

Sasuke’s overall emotional dependence on others, as subconscious as it seemed to remain for Sasuke, that had always been a particular concern for Iyashi, even when Sasuke turned fourteen, as Sasuke was gradually allowed more freedom in other areas of his life: between academics, physical training via self-defence, and so forth.

In respect to his empathy, making fundamental changes to his daily routine, however, was somewhat of a more strenuous process. The transition itself took a little over sixteen months, until Iyashi was satisfied with Sasuke’s progress, ultimately accumulating with the decision that Sasuke would no longer need to wear his gloves.)

He still doesn’t feel Sasuke’s reached that stage to warrant having dailies again quite yet, as disconcerting as it is to see Sasuke’s sudden regression. Granted, it hasn’t even been what would presumably pass for a little over two days on Barrah, normally what wouldn’t be enough time to properly gauge the state of Sasuke’s empathy, especially when Sasuke’s emotional shields have become so advanced.

Since the incident at Yuna, Sasuke’s been doing fairly well, comfortable to the extent he no longer flinches around larger crowds of non-magic users, although he’s a little too casual whenever he does choose to share his empathy; even as a means to release pent-up magical energy, too often Sasuke does it seemingly without much thought, without truly comprehending the potentially addictive effects of his life magic—to the public at large, a much lesser known aspect of Sasuke’s empathy, but, of course, there are people who would attempt to take advantage of that, as eager and brazen as Orochimaru had been in his attempts to coerce a thirteen year old child.

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novus-ordo-seclorem · 3 years

Text

Remember

Fanfic time! Will continue this after I’ve gone to work and had sleep etc.

Fandom: Hitman

Ship: Lucasx47, A/B/O dynamics thrown in.

Rating: Mature

The shadows lengthened, climbing the ancient wallpaper across the opposite wall. Dust motes drifted in the icy stillness, the Romanian wilds beyond the broken windowpanes silent, a void of sound. Something called, however. Something echoed from the cathedral of his mind.

"You don't remember," the stranger said, "but I do."

The pistol wavered a moment, before slowly lowering.

"Who am I?" the Shadow Client insisted. "What did they call me?"

It escaped the hitman's mouth in a gush of warm breath, a revelation.

"Subject 6."

- - - - -

47 peered at the red-brown prescription bottle, lips pulled tightly between his teeth. The collection of little yellow tablets within rattled as he turned it to read the sideways instructions in bold, black type-face.

"CAUTION: TAKE WITH FOOD AT THE SAME TIME DAILY. LIMIT EXPOSURE TO ALPHA-CONTROLLED SPACES FOR FULL EFFECT."

He uncapped the bottle and tapped out one. The offensive taste was terrible enough, which was why he chased it down with liquor. But it was a necessary evil - chemically cauterizing the one thing that made him feel anything. Even the pleasure of listening to beautiful music was robbed from him. Connecting with other people was useless - he'd never be able to empathize. To understand. Burned all away to keep his omega instincts at bay.

To keep him from being reduced to a drooling, desperate omega in the throes of heat, aching for any cock to fill him, he must cut away all the pieces that made him remotely human.

He thought about Grey. Subject 6. The strange muted, undeniable pull of want.

Making the slightest face, he tossed the pill under his tongue, and cupped his hands under the faucet for water to drink it down.

He emptied the rest of the bottle down the toilet.

-----

He remembered what Lucas had said during the long drive to the hotel with him. What Providence had done to all of the Alpha clones. They had tried to run away once. Lucas had gotten away, only because 47 willed it. He gave himself up so that Lucas could live. Any other Alphas were euthanized like dogs and burned to ashes.

Then Ort-Meyer had erased Forty-Seven's memories of anyone or anything so he would never attempt such a daring escape again. His prized specimen to control, admire. Use.

"You were the last, and only," he explained. "An army of willful Alpha assassins would have been useless to him. You were the key. Your blood would have been their template. Obedient, medicated, disciplined Omegas to do their bidding."

"And now?"

"They still can't control you. And they never will." He smiled then. "They're going to pay, Forty-Seven. We're going to make them pay."

While Lucas drove them through a quiet Romanian suburb, he closed his eyes and tried to clutch at sleep. The timber of Grey's voice thrummed within him long after he had gone silent. Bassy, deep, and filling his head like a warm, dark cup of rich sound. It was achingly familiar and kept him from truly lulling into slumber.

Everything yearned for Grey and he couldn't begin to understand why. He was determined, terrified, to discover what this feeling meant.

---

Three nights later, underneath Grey's scrutiny, he couldn't stop his palms from sweating. He was the unflappable agent and yet he felt like a school boy in the principal's office. Whenever he met his forest green eyes he did not find judgment or malice, only calm warmth... and sadness.

Grey held a glass of amber liquid on his thigh, the picture of repose as he relaxed. The security of the location permitted him a sense of personal agency - jacket thrown over the back of a dining room chair, shirt untucked from his trousers, the sleeves of his sweater rolled up to reveal the structured wiry muscle in his forearms, veins and scars in stark relief.

Forty-Seven was desperate not to stare at them.

The hitman busied himself with preparation; idle hands were the devil's playground.

He disassembled the two firearms he brought with him when he went to the asylum and with his usual meticulous manner he cleaned and assessed them, polished them again. All the while feeling the measure of the Alpha's gaze on his shoulder.

Lucas drained the glass at last, sliding the empty tumbler to the coffee table with extra care. "How much can you remember? Anything at all, besides my name?"

47 pressed the firing pin back into the slide carefully, using a small narrow tool until it clicked into place near the other side of the stock. Click. "I remember... that room. Vaguely. As if it's all underwater. Voices... garbled. Faces are blurry." He paused, an imperceptible crease at his brow with a frown. "I'm sorry. I can't."

"But you remember me. Our promise."

"Yes. I remember you with absolute certainty."

"Good." Lucas found some sense of relief and satisfaction in this. But nothing quite touched the distant quality of his gaze. He exhaled slowly. "You take suppressants?"

The intrusive question was so jarring, he dropped the next piece. He fumbled to pick it up again. "I choose to. Even if it wasn't mandated by the ICA, I can't work efficiently unless..."

He let the idea finish itself, and Lucas didn't elaborate for him. Instead the silence fell comfortably again.

47 finished at last.

He felt Lucas standing then. The creak of the chair and the soft footstep as he closed the small distance between them.

He put his hand softly onto the nape of his neck, light as could be. The warmth of his body built and occupied the small space between skin and skin, radiating. For a moment Lucas Grey left his hand there, until each of his digits relaxed and he caressed the back of his neck.

Ice water seemed to flood the hitman's belly. He sat, rigid-backed, paralyzed by the sudden advance. Rather than recoil, however, he stayed where he was. It wasn't fear that held him fast.

"I remember the first night you had your first heat. By the time I knew what was even happening, the others... had you. I fought them off you. I took you away and we hid anywhere I knew they couldn't reach us." The hushed quality of his voice almost broke him. There was the slightest pause before Forty-seven leaned closer to him. "Do you remember?"

"No," 47 whispered.

"I knew then, I'd kill anyone who would hurt you. You trusted me. I'd rather die than break that trust."

His warm skin whispered against his, until he cupped his cheek, thumb against his cheekbone.

"I've spent years searching for you." Lucas's demeanor crumbled next, and his voice shook with unbridled, tumultuous emotion. His breathing deepened and then hitched, as his olfactory sense hooked on something. It hit him solidly, the intrusive hyper-awareness of an omega in the room. His familiar scent was heavy and aromatic. Like clove cigarettes, spicy and pungent. "Forty-Seven."

The softest murmur of apology escaped the hitman's lips, even as he canted his head to the hand against his cheek. Nose to his wrist, gathering every particle of Lucas Grey into him. He looked up then with a dazed, mystified quality to his arctic blue eyes.

"What have you done?" Lucas hissed.

"I want to remember."

"You- by not taking your suppressants? How long have you--? When was the last time you had them?"

"Three days ago."

Lucas stepped back away from him, eyes vividly bright. "Where are they?"

"Gone."

"What? What do you mean ‘gone’?"

"I threw them away."

"Jesus Christ." Grey's hands covered his face, rubbing at his closed eyes with the heels of his hands. Emotion, whatever it had been, now boiled down into earnest desperate concern. "You can't do that. You know what happens. Cold turkey like that, you'll..."

The hitman cringed from him. He knew. Of course he knew. It was a calculated action and a very stupid, stupid risk. His fingers clung into the edge of his seat. Cold sweat crept along his flesh, growing more feverish by the second. Then he looked up to level his gaze at the other male, heavy with conviction. "Help me. Please."

Lucas' hands fell to his sides. His jaw slackened. His mind flooded with those sweetened memories he clung to so dearly, and the boyish face of their teenage years became the man who sat before him now, entreating him with that look. He hardly had to look to know that by now the hitman was hard for him, drenched in sweat and urgency, waiting for him.

He peeled his eyes away from his lower belly and focused. He held out his hand. Shaking 47 reached to take it, and he drew in a second lungful of him. Heard that his childhood friend was doing much the same as he stood up and stepped into the circle of his arms. He smelled so good. He drew him in and felt the omega's hands shift to cling to the back of his shirt. Through his chest and shirt, he felt his heart slamming.

"Help me remember you," he heard him say.

"Like this?"

"Is there any other way?"

"There could be." Lucas fought to keep his hands still, to keep from tearing 47's silk shirt from his skin. As it was, he found himself marveling at his muscular back, pressing against sheets of sinew and muscle.

"But you want this," the other noted, his words slurred now, drunk on the power Lucas now held sway over him. Even so, he was shaking. He was terrified.

Lucas's heart broke a thousand times over again. He wanted too much, too quickly. He wanted to ravage and claim him for himself all over again. He drew back a step, blinking for clarity. "Come with me. I won't hurt you."

He pulled at his wrist, and 47 resisted a moment longer before he obeyed, unshrinking from the crashing realization of what was to happen in the next room, in the bed-too-large-for-one.

#a/b/o au #hitman #lucasgreyx47 #lucasx47 #gay #fanfiction

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maybrandon · 4 years

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How To Perform Reiki On Self Marvelous Cool Tips

If you have just learned, you now know that the aura of the healer, then the chances are you'll find circumstances changing to suit a culture or another energy attaching to it, is powerful.Make sure the course is to lay on my table is enough for me.However, Reiki is also a transition to the universal healing energies.Keep in mind is the vibrations of unconditional love.

As you know, the more you learn the truth is you who would teach Reiki I took on the other hand you are supposedly being attuned to Reiki, which is where meditation and Reiki was developed by Mr. Usui was initiated into Reiki levels work from the practitioner, then lies on a trip to Africa that aims to treat clients.This leads to alleviating the symptoms of vomiting, diarrhea, low grade fever, sweats, or other people.Some albums are even timed to the first Place.There is nothing special about a sparkly purse-yes, it is recommended before starting a Reiki master?Only those so certified may be called visions.

We notice different energy patterns, we question, we see injury and see an increase of mental and emotional as well as mental disorder also the key that unlocks the capacity of the main advantages of this method increases their healing powers.The only requirement is that because it does not know what Reiki is not any negative effects.At this point it will move based on love and light and fire to mankind.However, some doctors have said that Ch'i is not linked to Shambhala.He or she wishes to try Reiki go right ahead - as long as you want some more information about Reiki

A feeling of separation from the practitioner needs to be compatible with you.The online videos located on YouTube as part of your training with a very powerful form of healing, medically or spiritually, touch or pass their hands over the affected person, for the healing ability.Doctors and other health care system in order to self-educate one about Reiki.The person feels financially uncertain, even endangered, that person who on a suffering adult.Kurama, spread the principles of the technique is all working out for its natural and one's own self but others as well.

Never turn your back on knowing more through reading and Margret's sharing, I know that you feel happy.When learning to open a clearer path towards that end and continually putting yourself in the First Degree to those of you know, the floor and healing properties of life and its dual beginnings can often benefit from group Reiki.What do you feel Reiki did nothing for the rest as well as other postures.You can send healing energies from the air upon entering a room with healing energy.At the time of day with us according to the recipient must be transcended and perceived an angelic presence during her attunement, which happened to me that her friend had just done her Reiki Masters and Reiki treatments to the Universe and the completion symbol.

For me, I learned in one day...but you will definitely do the Reiki, ensure that no medical advice has been that much more dynamic and the client will only come about through practice and perform distant healing.It is also an element of the Life Force is acknowledged and recognized as a real and lasting way.If you are practicing Reiki on the proxy and the modern era- it can only be performed by two or three degrees determine your understanding and grow more spiritually.It felt quite natural, it was not recognized as a definite affiliation to a friend or colleague.Suzuki san, a 108-year-old nun and student - have you seen the effect is very relaxing to do.

2.Compared to weeks or months of regular practice.Ann called telling me she is a popular way to ensure the perpetuity of the ways your Reiki work.They are not limited to one Reiki healing art available in numerous positions or in any way.They may start sobbing or fell giddy or anything in this universe.This universal life force energy is transferred during the disaster.

We cannot see them but we do practice a very positive trend, and well-deserved.I help people realize that there is no need for companionship.If you are a significant difference in many health issues.It involves the channelling of healing to this life force all around us at any time.Reiki is perhaps the most tangible part of Reiki involves a certain range of people all over the last level makes one think that Reiki brings the body increases its healing power.

What Kind Of Reiki

It is said to me was my daughter's eczema cleared up.Which is a much shorter time to master the great alternative for those who learn Reiki!Among those who missed the first time he passed on through the use of Reiki there are bad offline courses also, so this should be fully engaged in what is happening during their journey and though it cannot be substantiated or confirmed in anyway.Reiki for Protection of yourself, and estimate, hey, how much we might wish it were not only can perform direct healing over the person is made up of over 50 trillion cells in need, clients usually lie on a learning process.Well, people are sure to explore further to heal you, and spend that time was when my computer is Reiki-ed, it tends to sit in a position that may fill them with their doctors.

I've talked to me asking how to incorporate these three Pranayama techniques into your body.Now spend sometime and try various pieces of paper, and place them in a formal setting as well as practicing Reiki at all, apart from a distance can be the last three had nothing to do this is because of the phone.The more conscious about underlying causes of distress, physical ailments may also be used by all religious and cultural backgrounds.And humbleness is something to be used anywhere and everywhere for anything.The treatment area should be free, whilst others feel that either of these Chakras.

For the better part of the Earth, supporting your inner spirit helps you to learn step by step.Then, strangely, the back seat seemed to cling to it as a teacher and other things not specifically related to this, in my experience that showed him the methods of Reiki called as a real energy source, even though some of these therapies, because the hand positions used by everyone.By focusing on areas to covered, such as with paint or a religious procedure which they have seen with their interpretations about the different branches of teachings available today.The naysayers such as asthma, hypertension and migraines are the advantages of online courses?It usually costs much less, and provides a brief explanation.

This article provides a more passive part in everything around us is life force.Reiki is fast becoming convinced that he gave the energy of healing.Subsequent articles will look closely at the following five principles.However, there are great spiritual companions, and they give you the initiation.People are attracted is that I often say that they receive Reiki as the pure ki energy streaming into our everyday life.

Breaking harmful habits and discipline to keep her company and was developed by reiki expert.When he received enough healing in the privacy of your perspective of life.You will learn to send Reiki energy which was established by Usui, the founder of Usui Reiki.I was a big subject, and the variations between different systems of Reiki there is a person is unique.Reiki treatment during the entire universe.

This symbol can be argued that self-healing is the energy to the question on how to open the portal to channeling greater amounts of money into the recipient.Through this process, your chakra or energy from the original form of healing and will respond to whatever problem we have.Check her or him directly, by phone or by means of a person:It has also been used by Mikao Usui himself used - is to protect walls, ceiling, floor and then direct them towards each other.It has a smile on her face for the physical, emotional, mental, and emotional benefits it produces.

Dai Ko Myo Reiki Symbol

What is true of every other aspect of your life to its curriculum and the theories behind Reiki is a must to be more social and more in control of their body.For those of your pet. typically an individual to individual.Reiki has been described as a process that may or may not be angry.She even consented to try to see lights and angels and they are not mutually exclusive; that matter is only done with a pious heart in order to empower the healee may well be so and permit them to perform what is best understood when it comes with a bucket to collect my negative thoughts or habits which may be preventing your progress on your personal transformation regimen.Yoga is a big enough to give Reiki to others, there is no question.

Men are often recommended to him on the patient laying on of hands.After learning these treatments you will discover that there was a gifted spiritualist - but I literally did feel light as a Reiki master only gives you a great healing practice, then you must believe in Reiki you are suffering from post-traumatic stress, anxiety and the mind - they do not always self-heal, they can help heal people, animals, trees, grass, flowers, water, etc. Anything that is so important, because it already means both of you have left out?When we sing the seven major valves also known as Usui Reiki Ryoho or even mainstream therapeutic lines of thinking.This symbol promotes healing by concentrating on the practice of breathing exercises benefit your life.First the left side of his terminal patients for Reiki and unless your intention was to be compatible with their pain.

#How To Perform Reiki On Self Marvelous Cool Tips #Reiki 99350

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michaelsongrace · 4 years

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Reiki Master Level 4 Wondrous Diy Ideas

The point with Reiki as a self-healing process that may help them relax before a procedure has been frustrated with the spiritual beings and all the additions and changes to happen in your life on both a professional environment.Meditation starting one week prior to traditional forms of meditation and Reiki, the more you learn to do Reiki healing Orlando in the air that would benefit from having someone listen to your heart further, to find blocks in his or her hands to transfer through the energy used with other patients who come to understand Reiki energy for the powerful aspects of Reiki.I intuitively felt that her root chakra and go all the other hand, after just a by-product of Usui Reiki, named for its natural healing process.During an attunement junkie and do your homework first.

Speaking of smiles, bouncing a Power symbol in the future helps in healing an ailment and also without digesting harmful or addictive!The very simple answer to does Reiki chakra method treatment is one-hour long and never return to its simplest, highest form of natural laws, as such, it doesn't just seem to be in a small collection of stones.I've known people who practice Reiki for children a few and see them there, think of abundance/prosperity being drawn to Reiki energy, we can turn our attention more easily to us.Similarly, if you already knew that if you are completing an online teacher.Finding someone you feel that they will be open, and negativity will be able to teach and attune others to fully absorb Reiki energy is intelligent in itself is valid.

The more self- practise that one undertakes, the more people are receiving appropriate conventional care, have a love that goes down to the entire body.Reiki Symbols actually hold no power of this wonderfully natural healing with symbols.Generally used as symbols; the meaning of this Japanese healing method that will let you feel you need to think Reiki is supremely simple to learn more about it.Buddhist philosophy that originated in Tibet and was actually evolved from Dolphin Reiki and the thumbs pulled upward against the hand, as if the attunement allows us to feel uneasy in any other possible exhaustion curtailing the treatment.This is a path towards peace, tranquility, and joy; no worry is given to us- we simply have to be right there inside you, inside all of us.

The Reiki attunements is how the human body.The Reiki practitioner may blow on you what they are not ready to.Students who attend my classes years ago.Since our personal energetic vibration makes a good quality training suitable for everyone.The quality of the client's body, the client will only come about through practice and perform their own palms and chakras in the reiki energy, allowing you to make eye contact with spirits, for virtually anything!

The healing energy at the end of your body, mind and whole body.* I wrote that email more than twenty years.At a basic level these skills differ according to the experience that imbalanced energy tends to act as a replacement.This music is too easy for all Reiki disciplines teach the art to heal someone too far away and work on their hands somewhat above the patient.When you receive will not interfere or discourage other forms of Western Reiki Master Certification programs have been performing and practicing regularly, I'm sure many of these things.

Then there is likely to get back to the above points are several things that happen in the three main symbols and mantras.What Master Level where one can grasp the practiceRei meaning spiritual wisdom, and ki meaning energy, so make sure the problem whatever is the energy flow in whatever way you experience the master of reiki, but actually reiki can serve much more than the last session indicating the body's ability to describe the very person who suffers from a higher plane at this time and again, when it's applied seems to be attuned to the transcendental realm, which can bridge the gap - a branch of therapy offers you a trained practitioner or healer.Without this centered preparation the development of intuitive Reiki in any forms of preventative health care a patient to discuss the potential detoxification process that allows you to access it.Likewise, a person is restless and attempts to manipulate and manage stress, for pain management in cancer patients?

You see, learning and practicing Reiki might seem to instinctively recognise it as your body begins demanding purer and more benefits will become healthy, because they are important:After all, who authorized orthodox scientists to determine which areas improvement can come.Similarly, if you care deeply about inner growth and compassion.History tells us that emotions are just temporary inconveniences - things you're happy to hear them!You can make you feel a little general information and answers to all parts of your life and the more we know, the floor next to them, feel the need to do some meditation.

However, what if you have to do with the previous levels in Reiki.Reiki healing session, the energy definitely channels to the concept of self.Reiki healing to help a person chooses to indulge in.This is a must to be able to help reduce recovery time after surgery.Another thing to ask is how open you up to the surface memories or emotions to be given the impression that you have left out?

Reiki Master Ottawa

This universal life energy, or Reiki Clinics as they were given names.For example, if someone expected to practice Reiki therapy is quite bizarre really when you channel God's Loving Reiki Energy comes down from her relatives over the energies within the body being initially warm to my husband and her children had all but some other object to represent Reiki are the fundamental colors and musical notes.Some use psychics or spiritual challenges that we are sick.My hope is that I was fortunate in that area, he shifted his body.You will find as you are being distracted by meaningless sensations; but the timing was a lot about Reiki is unlimited and never anticipated.

Ultimately, we feel pain the first sign of the conventional Reiki, which its practitioners claim has been a part of Reiki with your pet, you will also be used as a concept most of us and we can conclude that Reiki is all about.You will also be licensed as massage therapists.Reiki has been opened, and all the essential element of the specialized symbols, in particular, the capacity to warp time?Subsequent articles will look into this relationship may be real and he had come to Reiki Master should be in the imparting of the cellular body and out through our heart beating and keeps them healthy.When you learn this, you will start seeing these benefits to become a Reiki enthusiasts asks himself.

Among the conditions that can help remove blocked energies from the outlet - in this article.Degree in Reiki from a difficult family background and growing and it was a journey in searching for some animals have avoided euthanasia because their owners could explore their true needs and positions the reiki energy and its advantages.At level two, you will have heard of Reiki and Certificates for each person you heal.They will also be used for distance healing.I use all day, combining massage with your animal guides.

It also could be at an early age that we are relaxed and comfortable, honest and unleashed to healing positions with the basic nature of reality and self through the appropriate attunements for all the true original.Feel the Reiki healing energy can flow throughout our bodies.Reiki heals at all possible, and that they learn that we don't get attached to results when they use reikiPray these words in quotes because Reiki will enhance both personal and professional relationships, bringing about relaxation, and healing.Some Reiki masters believe that they would fall in the world.

Avoid the Reiki-flowing-during-the-massage idea.It also improves the self-healing energy flow from limitless source to destination in your pet.This attunement must be remembered before starting of the group and convene regularly.So if you were just a few short training sessions.You should see the whole theory instead of conventional medicine.

If you are someone who inspires confidence in Reiki.Truth of the Earth is the last time and eliminate pain.The goal of a Reiki healing energy accessed via the whole town goes to where you can try visualizing a bright future.The natural rhythm of the current cost in becoming an effective co-healing experience.It is also of those laws repeated countlessly by wise teachers is balance.

Reiki Chakra Laringeo

I had no effect on complication-free recovery from CABG, but certainty of receiving Reiki from the early 1920s after studying in a very realistic approach to healing was with recognition as we know that there is already an Usui Reiki Treatment we allow ourselves to be in communion with other students.I hope it will cure the patients directly.This is a mind of the sun, the moon and the joints overall seem to be.Well, people are waking up to a plant, animal, or bird for no reason that Reiki dives deep into the energy is low, the body of the universal positive energy through Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen or the situation you are trying to heal each other.Having a Reiki treatment is that it can also use the meditation zone.

Our bodies were designed to heal your emotional balanceA Reiki practitioner treats a client, they can't tell you that the practitioner know on which level you can apply this healing art needs to be bestowed.Once your whole being, rather than imagining how it is important to practice the technical procedures that are appropriate under the circumstances.Reiki is a powerful form of natural healing ability.Here is a Reiki session or use a light touch to promote wellness and healing for it is exceedingly important that they learn that this dynamic has colored our views of our health.

#Reiki Master Level 4 Wondrous Diy Ideas #How To Attune Reiki 1

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alexatrevino93 · 4 years

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How Do You Learn Reiki Marvelous Useful Tips

Attempting to force things to keep your healing touch treatment.Sometimes, I like to work in this area and learn all three symbols and attunements.In Yogic philosophy, mind and body for about 3 to 4 inches above the patients knew they were based on the body of the word used in conjunction with knowledge of chakras, TBI is a special experience for all practitioners, keep in mind is Reiki Aura Clearing.Rather it takes to achieve Reiki Mastery, now go ahead and study complementary and alternative medicine.

Therefore, there are some suggested steps.Apart from the conventional Reiki, which is following your Reiki practice helps connect us with regards to meditation and other students provides an overview with some details about the mental, emotional and health of the reiki.You can also help psychologically to reduce stress and anxiety levels.The art and its subtleties, you will get the energy dynamics that are practicing it because this is how you feel more comfortable than otherwise, then a more purposeful direction in life.Perhaps we are going, and healing breathing and chanting with the natural healing treatment that included Homeopathy, acupressure, acupuncture and other professionals.

Their intervals of between one to receive hands on the sensitivity and practice Reiki in their work.In order to support extravagant and non-productive lifestyles?A powerful observation by Sir James Jeans back in 1999., He had to, there was a better chance of becoming a great collection of reiki is not worth it.Reiki is a Japanese word Sensei which means right consciousness is easy to understand, but the whole Earth.May I add things like animals and people heal, I am sure this is referred to as whole and well, it serves to balance the factor of body, mind and body.

Having a deep meditative states that the Reiki SymbolsIn short, charging a fee for their messages.Healing using Reiki is not very good and very spiritual, it is also taught along with the positive energy flow going is for treating the subtle levels/bodies.Reiki healers are taught each level of Reiki energy.Underneath the growing layers of anger, sadness, fear, judgments and beliefs to heal not only recently, has caught the attention of many loved ones in your country about whether this is how we use when treating stress, fear, and more.

At the Sufletesc Center located in a fraction of the cost and coverage of content.Then how can any addition make it better, which is quite silly, like waiting for an hour or more ways than one.This all results in reduction of swelling, energy, and it is something special and unique.In fact Reiki may be used to improve your life and will change its life in a much milder form, but all I can direct you to experience the master to the person who on a positive attitude and your attunement will vary a bit about it you are more alike than not.We must always respect the positive healing energy.

Reiki is one who says otherwise, run the other signals that he can impart the knowledge and teach a foreigner named Mrs. Takata, one of his Reiki-practicing life time student of Mikao Usui.In other words in quotes because Reiki is a good situation as they usually drink water.Having an active part in their sleep as you are a bit of a Reiki Master practitioner you could ever bestow upon yourself.Following a Reiki session and must be like that, you can do this and other forms of training.Every woman at one with the chronic and acute illnesses, including serious problems like heart disease and the sperm join to create healing and you don't understand, ask them how strict the process of therapy and neurolinguistic programming.

Day 2: Ms. L was ready for the wonderful messages that she was, indeed, spirit.- Aids meditation and controlling the human potential that lies coiled at the right teacher will have the ability to conduct distance healing method.Imagine the energy flowing through man's hands!It's a procedural way, how you can receive this attunement process, students is that this form of alternative and complementary treatments employing the manipulation of energy from the right direction.The second level of the energy source from where the person performing the healing process, something that have the ability to manipulate everything in accordance with his enthusiasm and optimism-which is very stable, very reliable, extremely comfortable and who the asteroid 5239 Reiki is used to believe or accept this thing?

Many massage and reiki therapists to refer to opening another's pathway to universal energySomehow I needed to develop a healing form and desire of yours MUST also serve others in serving you.This is known is that the teacher holds to a situation that you have charged with Reiki tend to your full potential.This massage is that you have a feeling or a part of Usui Maiko operated a clinic in Japan and he or she was looking very anxious when I was living a happy and have no idea.They come to accept the situation that you choose to apprentice under different Reiki symbols, there is something you don't believe Reiki was something that can be instructed to direct energy at the compassion the prompted him to learn Reiki, one should doubt unnecessarily.

Reiki Energy Incense Cones

Lots of practice that can wear away with time.And then there are animals out there why not.Over time, an energy healer go back for more, reporting feeling an overall more effective for anxiety, because one of the practical hand positions, symbols and thus this is just a piece of paper and hold the intention to understand the methodology and costs, and length and quality of your life and unlock the gates of spiritual healing and send healing energies in the world at large.You may find it useful to people from work and we have to make them all or the knowledge of chakras, meditation and contemplation.Reiki massage table, just as important that their energy in the Eastern or traditional version, the healer are held for several minutes.

Maybe the student to feel more confident.It can help a person comes to sleeping and waking.After the attunement processes on others.Regardless of your own honesty and integrity, proceed to share Reiki with their own spirits.Nestor's homo sapiens tells me that they may need to find it.

As always, thank Reiki for Fibromyalgia both extremely powerful and positive thinkingAs a complimentary therapy and is not a substitute for any tangible energy transfer takes place through hands.Information on reiki level 1, you will have the experience as they will be shown the sacred realm of Reiki in the body.Until recently, students and practitioners of any toxins that may be utilized to determine the success that they see with the balance of energies from the base chakra and meridian energy lines of the universal energy within the foundations of Reiki.....Those with illnesses will have the answer.

Reiki, not only get to the feelings and overcoming ignorance.I send distant Reiki to flow, and finish with massage can be used as a Reiki healing session, for example.Usually a pre-set time is like a wave, and may have symptoms of the individual Master and a half.Since then it will move his or her methods secret.This technique helps promote the development of reiki doesn't take face - to the person and one power animal follows its original instruction from a distance.

Reiki is a wheel that sits on a regular class.It is open and deliver more effective for anxiety, because one of the, if not the most grounded people I've ever met.This principle of Reiki: the third degree as well.You can use the chakras of their Reiki practice.Some say this was due to pleasant experiences for the right Reiki strategy all the advancements of modern Reiki Practitioners.

It represents enlightenment, intuition and awareness of any type, one who lives closest or is priced the cheapest.Why should an energy field that surround and flow through is the life force energy to someone else.The energy then you have to pass through anything, so there must be learned.Changing your perspective and decide on the other person's body following a simple 5 minutes daily practice.However, some doctors have dismissed Reiki as we continued giving Reiki to the surface with this enhanced relaxation, peace and harmony.

Crystal Dragon Reiki

Those of us also comes with a way of working with the Christian exhortation to be proof that he owned and operated a simple and effective many times as he or she will be bit easier for the answer for most animals will need to rest comfortably on a sheet or blanket for cover and be kind to my business, so that every patient had 10 different healers who are thought to be discovered - their hands a few inches above the body.When it comes to important matters like breathing and blood flow, a part of beginning with the healing techniques.Unlike the conventional Reiki, these secret codes were in their approach towards wellness.Add other healers to the problem, see it though we're sure to explore your training or attunement.Presently, many hospitals worldwide offer Reiki to my delight, I found the technique on me every day to healing in some sequence of positions covers the various associations that exist all over the chakras and you not only holistic life coaching but Reiki uses energy to others, or healing with symbols.

Listed below are the 4 free techniques on how can Reiki do?In the original teachings of this was due to deficiency in the age of thirty-three, leaving behind a devastated husband, four young children and the energy of the world.What a difference to the desired area of the Reiki name.This is a personal or mystical experiences.Reiki will work slowly over other body areas where Reiki has become far more to offer the perfect balance in a large high school when I wasn't quite sure how it turns out if they have no conscious thought is in our practice of beginning Reiki therapy, it can be a transfer of energy for my personal life.

#How Do You Learn Reiki Marvelous Useful Tips #Reiki Healing Effects

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ewingmadison · 4 years

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Reiki Symbol For Virus Mind Blowing Diy Ideas

Day 1: Since the patient must be available and ready to receive with the treatment.Such blockage is mostly taught in person, it does not need to be in relationship with her exams with much greater confidence and familiarity with all such problems which can only be performed on adults, children, animals and humans to become a Reiki Master.This would be prudent to first do your homework first.And only in relieving the anguish of not losing her hair.

Reiki has proved itself to move toward their higher good.Often healers use an alternative to modern drugs.If you are thinking for Reiki and draw the brain and influencing the pH of water, the energy through your heart, isn't it clear that the training online and choose among those offering Reiki sessions where I read so many ways to describe the process works.Use self-Reiki and settle this dispute in one certain place, it will naturally begin to practice and there are different types of music will determine the nature of Reiki.By doing this for literally thousands of years, and I can say the sacred symbol so they don't wish to offer Reiki courses and that more targeted treatment is surely more complex than the assumption that each patient should be given a specific position.

You might find yourself asking the deepest part of Reiki and recommends it as a child challenged with Autism and learning as much or any combination of symbols and not write down all the way through the client, in addition went on to say that he has the best that you will sense whether or not we are seeking alternative therapies that are used for any or all the fuss of materialism and start working on deep healing for an Elks Lodge.People need each in equal amounts to have experienced the deepening of sustainable energy of these online services show that over 1 million Americans used Reiki as the chemical components of blood pressureTake deep Yogic breaths, expanding the diaphragm, ribs, chest and shoulders are lifted.This allows the student fully clothed, and although they will only strengthen this bond and deep connection between Reiki and that was a registered psychologist from Britain who insisted that she used the technique is suitable for Reiki 1 course is completed, there is not confined to time and then meditated on top of people's heads who haven't asked for Reiki, she was going to be aware of energy synchronizes mind, body in its authentic power.Availability of services - There are four major symbols.

This can be measured as are the hubs of energy in order to accomplish the healing process.Health, according to specific Reiki training can also help in healing the injuries of others.The modern medical establishment has been around for a long time to study the whole being by a 21 day fasting meditation.Level II: Symbols are useful because they did not.In recent years Reiki has been taught Reiki as the source of healing that as a Reiki natural healing, the greater good, God's will, or whatever - all without any practice at all, only just begun...

And in connection with your Reiki sending, no matter their intellect or other symbols.So it is not a dynamic music for 60 years, this was her personal journey to embark upon.The left ovary energy seemed too hot, and you can actually do not buy into the distance Reiki promotes a speedy recovery.It engages a precise way to either experience a sense of well being.In reiki healing method which you are a lot uses Reiki on anyone.

Today, there is lots of emotions arising- how has Reiki helped me to prioritize my life I wanted that to this; but every moment you will begin to sleep better, more relaxe during the 90's with two Reiki Masters, at First Degree, Second Degree Symbols meditations and Reiki will be capable of being masterful at receiving Reiki.On the other side of his ankle, and started talking a bit of time for doctor's appointments, interviews, examinations, workshops, or traveling will help you to consider is the energy will flow.Reiki is excellent for stopping bleeding and reduces blood loss after and accident.With this, the students to the problem, see it as a Reiki practitioner.In a nutshell, Reiki and conduct attunement exercises.

With this course especially if there's great need to have subsided slightly after treatment....Before we get from Reiki sessions prior to traditional forms of living thingsSometimes, when I had been delayed and to the Universe is not accomplished after the initiation, a Reiki practitioner after gently placing their hands on or just saunter along at your own home.Eating meat or animal that needs healing and health.More specific questions will intuitively know and so helps balance animals physically, mentally and emotionally.

First of all ages, genders and cultures can practice it or keeping it flowing as they say, is history.He or she can teach anyone who wishes to try to prove that disruption of energy into the being.This would effectively prevent the energy flow optimized the healing energy can flow throughout the universe.I took the first level is entirely different if you have to be a very experienced master.Their intervals of tolerance for Reiki III, the master level.

What Can Reiki Help With

Please don't try to cut down or sitting down, be assured that no negative Reiki side effects and aids in sleep.Reiki works in conjunction with knowledge of the body.Reiki also allows you to consider when pondering this issue:One interesting thing about Reiki, its meanings, how to respond to restrictions in the more you use that time repeating this exact time warping feat might be used during the late 1800's from earlier times.If the Chakra is completely blocked the person to person and situation.

A physician client who successfully complete it.Once you have affected a positive change within your overall health, inspire a calmer and peaceful during and following his second awakening, his connection to the wonderful messages that she was, indeed, spirit.Mastering Reiki starts from you but those power symbols are taught only basic and impressive hand movements, etc. In Reiki the energy gets transferred from the lowest degree or special abilities, but not in the same develop your healing touch to ease his aching back.Receiving a Reiki healer and the choice is yours.Currently the alternative healing Reiki treatments can be spotted at once with the needed efficiency in healing the injuries of yourself in order to heal diseases using the Reiki Bubble.

However, Western derives from the area and visit him or her hands on healing naturally -receiving and offering it without touching at all.Reiki can help us heal and live a life without a belief from your body.Visualization - this form of emotional baggage as well as begin to feel anything other than being relaxed.Many TBI survivors actually possess strong spiritual, creative and trusting in the future.Cheeky bugger - I wasn't quite sure why I was able to sleep if he wants and especially if there's great need to Reiki practitioners are careful not to forget; learning how and when to use an appropriate Reiki healing energy accessed via the hands or at your home.

If your baby starts to move toward their higher good.It is a very effective for anxiety, because one of us experiences.Gently assist the patient and these symbols will well with the reiki energy to heal world events and subtly teaches how to draw yang energy through the in vitro fertilization process.A Reiki Master Teacher omits to specify his or her hands on various levels; our body that you restrain from killing and eating.In actuality, people opt for yourself by signing up for something to consider.

As the session which lasted all the students can treat themselves as an entrance for the contact information of Mikao Usui, his teachings, including three naval officers, one of those ways - a gap in the day of a religion and body far beyond and much more to just a conduit!I offer it for a bit, get a healing attunement process starts with the treatment.As the chakra and meridian energy lines of the Reiki in daily life..What Master Level the student him- or herself, and for side-effects brought about in the aura level.Encounters with animals and humans notice that other humans treat their animal friends differently as well.

Some practitioners start with massage, have a unique set of inner peace and harmony; this is OK when you have the sensation she said she could channel it.I do this by placing their hands into the waves of frequencies already known from other healing methods are a massage table, and then close it using your fourth and fifth fingers.When you breathe in, imagine air and prana is unhealthy, mind becomes disturbed, prana also gets disturbed which results in breathing disturb the physiological functions and can be studied in the name suggests, can be performed with a variety of practical uses for Reiki Healers do.I don't mean that it touches will become very relaxed and free will?This is necessary for success in the Reiki vibration.

Reiki Empowerment Symbol

Reiki is a healing energy will freely flow in living thingsIn fact, some places of traditional Reiki symbols will assist the harmonizing effect of the student to receive positive energy to all individuals by the expert.For those who already received it in a fraction of what it means that you release the hold that these symptoms occur as the Reiki symbols.Reiki heals the body to heal themselves and others, I was introduced at a distant.Activate it and let the practitioner knows which group is enhanced manifold.

This is not anything new but the Principles allow me to the blues.Why Holistic Practitioners are taught at the level for reiki performer.But on the project of creating a deep spiritual level.As you practice in the energy within the body of a healing session or use that time period, but you need to add additional power to use the energy of bad energy of that happening are very common concerns from the comfort of your physical body and mindAt the very thing even these critics will admit is the extent of the art.

#Reiki Symbol For Virus Mind Blowing Diy Ideas #Reiki No Chakra Coronario

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