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xmasterofmunsonx · 9 days

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Under Pressure

Pairing: Carmen Berzatto x Reader

Rating: 18+ eventually - mentions of miscarriage, drugs, and language

Summary: You’re a top chef from Atlanta, who gets scouted for a program to help integrate temporary chefs into restaurants across the US to bring something new to each restaurant. Your assignment? The Bear, in Chicago. Your new head chef? Carmen Berzatto.

THE BEAR

DAY 1

Your morning started off rough, the coffee pot in the short term rental wasn’t working, and you barely slept the night before in anticipation of this day. Your boss Ryan had already sent you a good luck text knowing how nervous you probably were. This was a new program where restaurants were switching out chefs for a few months at a time to bring in new ideas, and hopefully improve business. You’d been scouted by Natalie from the Bear, and as soon as you heard that it was a chance to be in Chicago with your brother for 3-6 months depending on how well it went, you jumped at the opportunity.

Your rental was just a few minutes walk to the restaurant, Natalie had scouted the place out for you over a few FaceTime calls, and the company organizing this program handled everything else.

You took a few deep breaths before walking into The Bear, where you were greeted by Natalie’s smiling face. She must have spotted and announced that you were standing outside waiting, because by the time you were walking in you could see heads peeking through the kitchen window. You were dressed casually, not knowing what to expect for tonight- what station you’d be put at, or if you’d be dealing with the front of the house at all. You wiped your nervous, sweaty hands on your jeans before shaking her hand and introducing yourself to her.

Her smile was warm, and she held out a hand to you, “it’s so nice to see you in person finally! Welcome to the Bear, we’re so excited to have you here. And thank you for being so willing to come spend time here.”

You offered a smile, your southern accent slipped out more than you meant to, “Thanks Natalie, I’m looking forward to it. I’ve heard so much about this place.”

“Please, just call me Nat, okay? Your accent is precious- it’s even more in person.” She offered another big smile to you.

“Yeah,” you laughed, “at dinner last night I had three people say something about it so I guess it’s stronger than I thought.” You scratched your neck nervously, “am I dressed okay? I didn’t know how you guys were with tattoos, but I figured I could stay in the back tonight if I had to and wear something to cover them up tomorrow-”

“Please, you’re going to fit right in. C’mon back here and I’ll introduce you to everyone. They’re all prepping for the day, you got here at a perfect time.”

Nat lead you into the kitchen, where the team was already starting to prep for the day. You looked around at the organized chaos and smiled to yourself, it felt like a good fit already despite the nerves still in your stomach. You could tell they took pride in their kitchen by the pristine countertops, and the organization of each station. You were too busy looking around to realize that everyone had stopped what they were doing and had their attention on you.

Nat clapped to get everyone out of their strange daze, “Hey everyone, listen! Here’s our guest chef we’ve been talking about. Just a reminder, she’ll be here for 3-6 months depending on how things go, so treat her nicely, all of you. She’s here to help us, bring in some fresh ideas, and maybe even get things running a little bit smoother.”

You waved at everyone nervously with a small smile, “Hey everyone. I’m really excited to be here. Nat’s done a wonderful job telling me all about everything amazing y’all already have going on for you, and I’m honored to be here. I couldn’t believe I was scouted over my head chef, Ryan.”

A woman in the back made a comment, “that’s because we need more calm in this place. That one beside you can get a hot head sometimes, we needed another woman in here. I’m Tina, by the way.” She smiled at you, and you looked to your left at the well known chef you had heard about already - Carmen Berzatto. You may have been all the way in Atlanta but you knew him and you knew his reputation. He was shorter than you had expected, but his presence was strong.

Carmen was standing with his arms crossed over his chest, and you felt like you were under his microscope. You knew how he felt, you were a guest in his kitchen, and you knew what it was like to have someone who could potentially be invading upon your space. You’d read all the articles, done your research and you knew this kitchen ran like a well oiled machine.

“Good to have you here, Chef.” He spoke calmly, and extended his hand, his large one completely enveloping your small tattooed one. You saw him take a glance at them, but he made no comment.

Another girl stepped forward, a much warmer smile on her face, “I’m Chef Sydney, and we’re excited to have you here even if someone doesn’t know how to show it.” She was motioning her head to Carmen and you just shook your head with her.

“I’m Richie,” a tall man emerged from the side of the kitchen, “welcome to the jungle of this kitchen. We’re all a bunch of fuckin’ lunatics, so I wish you the best of luck.” You laughed at his introduction and shook his hand politely too.

“Believe me, I’ve worked in chaos before. I fully believe I can keep up with it here.”

“You? A Michelin star chef have worked in a wild kitchen before? That’s hard to believe.” You blushed at the fact that he’d also done his research on you. It was something you were proud of accomplishing so early on in your career, but you stayed humble about it. “But you’ve never worked with bear over there. He’s a tough one.”

“Shut up, cousin.” Carmen snapped at him quickly without looking up.

The rest of the team laughed, the tension easing slightly as they adjusted to your laid back energy.

Nat guided you over to Carmen’s station where he had resumed his prep for the day, “As we discussed on our calls, Carmen’s in full charge of the kitchen. He’s the one who will keep you updated everyday, and if you need anything, or if he makes you cry, tell me or Richie.” She winked as Carmen tensed and rolled his eyes.

“Your kitchen is beautiful, I heard about all the renovations.” Carmen nodded, his expression was serious, but not angry.

“Thanks, it took a lot to get here.” He put down his utensils and walked you over to a blank prep space, “You’re on sauce for tonight, think you can handle that?” You nodded, “alright then, we’ll get you settled.”

You took your place in the kitchen, already starting to acclimate to the flow of the kitchen after he explained everything to you. The staff started out initially a little wary, and you could tell by their glances, so you tried to play it as cool as you could, which seemed to make everyone warm up to you quickly. You knew you tended to have an exterior calm demeanor, no matter how you were feeling inside, but your quick wit fit in perfectly with the jokes floating around all night.

You felt Carmen’s eyes on you almost the entire first shift, and you wondered what it was about. Was he regretting his choice of you over Ryan? Were you overstepping in some way he wasn’t voicing to you? Thoughts about you being unwanted were already starting to intrude on your thoughts, and because of your overthinking, you had one small slip up with the sauce that you hoped he hadn’t seen, but his raised eyebrow seemed to clue you in that you weren’t as sly as you thought.

“Won’t happen again, Chef.” You said, as you passed the fixed dish to him. He observed the plate, nodded and called for it to be taken to the table.

EVENING

The kitchen was finally quiet for the night, and you were sweaty. Your hair had made it up into a bun on top of your head, your bangs stuck to your forehead, and you had shed your layers of chef coat down to your simple black t-shirt. You loved staying past close, the lack of clattering dishes, orders being barked, “behind!”, “hands!”, etc. hadn’t been spoken in about 20 minutes and all you could hear were softer noises of things being scrubbed down.

Carmen was busy wiping down the counter tops after you’d cleared them all off, and he’d dismissed everyone else to go home. He didn’t say it to you, and you didn’t want to seem lazy on your first day, so you took the initiative to start organizing prep for tomorrow thanks to the lists and clipboards all around. You appreciated the way the kitchen was similarly organized to yours, but his was a little more controlled, and yours a little more relaxed.

“So, that accent of yours.” Carmen had a smirk on his face as he glanced up at you, “didn’t know people in Atlanta sounded quite like that.” He raised an eyebrow at you and you chuckled.

“I’m actually not from Atlanta.” Carmen leaned against the countertop, crossing his arms again, ready to listen. “I’m from a tiny town a few hours outside of Atlanta, went to school-”

“Oh, I know where you’ve been. We can skip all that.” You wiped your hands nervously on a kitchen towel and leaned against a different counter, facing him. He was trying to intimidate you, but you weren’t giving in. “So, you landed in Atlanta, huh? That’s a good food scene.”

“Yeah, it’s been a ride. I started in this tiny diner back home as a teenager, nothing fancy, but I learned a lot there, and that’s what originally made me want to become a chef. My parents would always ask what I wanted for my birthday and from about age 10 and up, I’d ask for a nice meal at a fancy restaurant in the big city.”

“That’s cute.” Carmen was listening intently and you were wondering what his intentions were with this conversation. “How would you say today went? Feel good about it?”

“Actually, yeah. You definitely know how to run a kitchen. I mean- I didn’t think you didn’t, but I felt really comfortable here and only fucked up once so I would say that’s pretty good. You run it like it’s nothing.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s nothing, I’ve been doing it for a while now. You get a pass for today, but we don’t have time for fuckups, even if they’re small, m’kay? I could tell you were on the verge of a panic attack once you noticed I saw it so I let it slide since you fixed it, but I expect perfection every day, just so you know.”

You nodded, understanding completely since you were the same way. “Understood, just first day jitters.” You glanced around again, “You can tell this is a special kitchen. You, or someone has put a lot of heart into it and I can tell just from the first day of being here, feels right at home. I was so nervous about it.”

There was a look in Carmen’s eyes that you couldn’t quite figure out, “Yeah, we’ve put a lot of heart into this place. All of us. And we’re trying to keep it that way.”

You nodded understanding him, he was setting some soft boundaries already about not wanting to change much. You could tell he appreciated you noticing that he’d put his heart into it as he went back to cleaning off the counters, it was something you hoped people would always feel in your own space.

Carmen glanced up again, “So really, what brought you here? Other than the program, why Chicago- the Bear? We don’t have a star.”

You pause, unsure of how deep you wanted to go with the answer. You started to smile as you spoke, “I needed a change. And when I was offered the opportunity by the program, and here was one of the options, after speaking to Nat, I knew it would be the right move.”

You couldn’t help but turn your smile into a grin as you felt an understood respect between the two of you that couldn’t have happened during service earlier today. You were much more at ease now that he understood why you were here.

The air between you two was more comfortable, as you were finishing up the last bits of the closing duties. You heard Carmen clear his throat, trying to keep his tone casual as he glances over at you, wiping down the last of the counters.

“So, you’ve got anyone waiting for you back in Atlanta? Married, dating...?”

You looked up, raising an eyebrow at him as you felt a smile creep onto your face. This isn’t the first time you’ve been nonchalantly asked about your personal life in a kitchen, by a male especially, and you could tell he was just curious by his other questions about where you came from.

“Not anymore. I was married, divorced now. A uh, very brief marriage.” You could tell the word shocked him, it did most people.

“What uh, what happened?”

You sighed, finishing up completely for the night. “Yeah, married very briefly- it didn’t last long. Six months, to be exact. He started cheating on me after I got sober, and I found out six months after we got married.”

You watched as Carmen’s eyebrows knitted together, something in him darkening a little. “Thats fucked up.”

You nodded, “Yeah, it wasn’t easy. He was an enabler, and I guess he couldn’t handle the positive changes I was making for myself. The most fucked up part, was he told me he was cheating on me while I was in the hospital miscarrying, from all the goddamn stress he was putting me through. He left me there alone, and moved his shit out of my house and once I was discharged, I came home to a half empty house. So, that’s why I needed Chicago.” You don’t know why you were so vulnerable so quick, and you regretted immediately when there was a moment of silence between you two that lasted just a little too long.

“Thats really fucking heavy. I uh, I’m really sorry. I wouldn’t have asked if I knew about all of that.” You nodded, appreciating his understanding. “How long have you been sober now?”

“Two years and a few weeks.” You said simply. You saw a look in his eyes again as he scratched at his eye, but not saying anything back. You sighed again, “Sorry for just… laying all of that on you. The city, restaurant, pretty much... everything was tied to him, to that past life. I just needed a small break, a fresh start. Ryan was really supportive, and I still can’t believe I got picked over him, so thank you.”

Carmen nodded, “Yeah, yeah. I totally get needing a change, finding something new without the weight of the past can be hard but I think we’re all glad you’re here. Sydney and I talked for a long time before we decided on you.”

His eyes were softer now, and you could tell there was more he wanted to say but he didn’t allow himself to be anymore vulnerable than he already was.

“Well, I think that’s enough for today. You did a good job today, Chef. Thanks for putting in the extra work tonight too, you didn’t have to do that.”

“If you don’t mind, it’s kinda my favorite part of the day to participate in, I like the quiet before going home. Helps me relax some and leave anything at work, at work.”

Carmen nodded, “Well, it wasn’t expected but it was appreciated. I know they’ll appreciate it tomorrow too when they come in.”

You two walked out together, and told each other goodbye and went your separate ways.

You picked up your phone to call your brother who was living in Chicago too- he had been for a while, you had had dinner with him last night and you knew he was eagerly waiting to hear about your first day.

“So, is he hotter in person than in the pictures?” Your brother asked before he even greeted you, and you heard his boyfriend Blake laughing in the background. You turned around to see Carmen still walking the opposite direction.

“God, shut up. I don’t know, I’m just here to work. My day was fine, by the way. Actually only fucked up once and I didn’t get yelled at.”

“Probably because he thinks you’re cuuuute.” Blake was teasing- you knew at this point you were on speaker phone.

“Fuck both of you.” You were blushing at this point. “I’m working at one of the best restaurants in the city and all you care about is how hot the chef is?”

“C’mon, he’s practically a model. His arms- are they that big, or are they photoshopped?” You rolled your eyes, you should have known this was coming from them.

“They’re really that big and only a little distracting, okay?” You bit your lip, trying not to smile. “He’s alright.” You couldn’t let them know about the post work conversation you both had.

“Ugh, just imagine him all sweaty and yelling out orders. I’d thank him for yelling at me.”

“Blake, come on! I’m a professional chef and you’re being ridiculous.” You were glad they couldn’t see your blushing face, because there were a few times tonight you were thankful the kitchen was as hot as it was because his voice did sound rather… hot as he was barking orders. The way he had full control over his staff, versus your calm demeanor in your kitchen. “He’s intense, but he’s really good at what he does.”

“Ugh, the hot brooding type, and the skills to go with it? I bet he’s good with his hands.” Blake said, and you hollered for your brother to take over the phone call before you got overwhelmed.

“Stop it, he’s my boss.” You continued walking at a fast pace to get back to your apartment.

“So no sneaky make out sessions in the walk-in?”

“BROTHER! GET YOUR PARTNER OFF THE PHONE!” You yelled as you laughed.

“I’m glad you had a good day.” Your brother had picked up the phone, finally. “And who knows, maybe the hot chef with the temper is just what-”

“Fuck off! Both of you!” Your heart was actually warm at the teasing, you knew they were worried about you and wanted the best for you.

“I’m glad you had a good day. Even though you have to let us know if things heat up with you two.” Your brother spoke.

“Thanks, and I truly needed the laugh. I’m almost to the house now, so I’ll talk to you both later.” You ended the call, biting your lip to hold back a smirk as you thought about your day. You plopped down on your couch, thinking of nothing but the intense chef you spent the whole day with, and now you couldn’t get him off of your mind.

THE BEAR

DAY 2

Your second day started off different than the first. Maybe it’s because you were more comfortable, or because you let some walls down last night, but you felt a lot of tension in the air tonight as you were all busy during dinner service.

Carmen had assumed his position at the pass, his eyes constantly scanning the kitchen, but you felt them burning into you, and every chance you looked at him, you caught him stealing a look at you.

Your technique was not one to be fucked with, honestly. You were smooth, well practiced, and efficient. You knew what you were doing, and you were doing it really well. Other members of the staff had complimented you all night, and you couldn’t thank them enough for their kindness.

What you didn’t know, was that this was starting to gnaw at Carmen already. His temper was flaring as the orders picked up, and his voice had a new edge to it that had you making sure you were doing everything perfectly tonight.

You knew he knew about you, and you felt respected by him after last nights talk, but you couldn’t help but wonder if he was acting like this tonight to prove that this was his kitchen, no matter who was receiving the compliments.

“Sauce, NOW! We don’t have all fuckin’ night for this!” He yelled out harshly, and you responded completely unfazed by this tonal change.

Your hands picked up the pace, working quicker than before and more precise than before as well. It seemed to piss him off more that you weren’t barking back, just yet at least, and you couldn’t let him get under your skin like you knew you were under his.

“Yes, Chef, sending sauce now!” You observed him as he took the plate. He analyzed everything about it, and you knew what he was doing. You’d seen it time and time again in men-ran kitchens. They loved to critique the women more than anything and they were willing to throw out a perfectly good dish just for the sake of their ego.

“Too thick. Sending back, didn’t I tell you we don’t have time for this?” He handed it back to you, and looked elsewhere, barking out another order.

You nodded and immediately got back to work, adjusting the sauce the tiniest bit because you knew it was the perfect thickness. It was identical to last nights, and he hadn’t said anything about it last night. Your eyebrows were furrowed as you put together the dish again. You wanted to argue back the more you thought about it, but you decided not to.

Everyone was on edge at this point. Carmen had turned into the chef you’d been warned about, the volatile, temper tantrum throwing chef. You glanced up at Sydney and she offered you a smile with her shrug, mouthing that it was okay.

Carmen’s frustration continued to build as the night went on, and it’s as if each dish you sent up that was perfect only pissed him off more and more. You could tell it was bothering him.

“C’mon guys, move faster! We’re behind as it is!” He snapped and you looked back over at him, as he was glaring daggers at you.

You took a deep breath to calm yourself, but picked up your pace even more, staying just as precise as before. You weren’t letting him get to you, and you could tell he was growing more frustrated. He was being too hard on you, but he couldn’t stop- he was starting to feel lesser in his own kitchen and it was only your second day. How the hell could you do this for three months?

You sent up another flawless dish, and he glared at you.

“Carmen, I’ve got this.” You put your hand on top of his gently. He froze and snapped his eyes back to you. You were quiet, and confident, and it wasn’t something he was used to having to deal with.

“I need this shit done my way.” His voice was low, and his jaw was clenched. Okay, maybe your brother and his boyfriend were right. He was kinda hot.

You locked eyes with him, “I’m aware. This is your kitchen, I’m just here to help, chef.“

There was a thickness in the air between you two, and he paused before speaking. You realized in that moment that Carmen was going to be hard on you just because you were good. He’s not used to being the one not being complimented, or in control. Somehow, your calm demeanor had changed the air of the kitchen and almost made it seem like you were the one running it because you were being so efficient, and that’s what pissed him off.

The rest of the night continued on, but you could tell Carmen was exhausted in every way possible. He’d pushed you and everyone else too hard tonight. You were cleaning up your station with ease, not letting it show how defeated and beat down you had been made to feel, but you knew it was because of his insecurity.

One by one, the kitchen clears up. Carmen leans against the counter with his arms tightly crossed, his biceps practically bulging out of his tshirt, watching you finish up. The room is quiet again, but the tension from earlier still lingered in the air.

“Been on my case all fuckin’ day, Carmy.” You’d picked the name up from everyone else around you and decided to pull it out while you two were alone. “What’s the problem?”

Carmen stiffens slightly at the sound of your voice, the nickname rolling off your tongue so smoothly, but he doesn’t respond right away. Instead, he pushes off the counter, walking slowly towards you, his jaw tight. He knows you’re right—he’s been harder on you than anyone else.

“I’m just making sure things get done right.” He answered through his clenched jaw.

You raised your eyebrow at him, matching his posture and pose. You could smell bullshit from a mile away. Your frustration was simmering, and you tried to not let it show. “That’s not what this is about. I’ve been running kitchens long enough to know when someone’s got a problem with me. So what’s the fucking problem?”

He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. He leaned against the counter next to you, and you could tell he was searching for the right response. He was quiet, and less defensive when he answered. “You’ve been doing everything right. That’s the problem.”

You titled your head, completely confused by his answer. “Not following here. Like, at all. I get picked on when I do things correctly? Because that’s… not exactly what I signed up for, Carmen.”

Carmen gripped the roots of his hair and let out an exasperated breath when he looked at you. “You’re good—really fuckin’ good. Better than most people I’ve worked with. And it’s... you’re throwing me off.”

You watch him, your brow furrowing as your mind starts to race. You know exactly what it’s like to work with people who can’t handle someone who’s just as good, or better, than they are, especially men. But Carmen’s answer feels different- he isn’t just being competitive.

You dropped your attitude, “You feel like I’m stepping on your toes?”

You watched as his sharp jaw got tighter, and he looked away from you as he avoided answering you. You let him simmer, waiting for him to come up with what he was trying to say.

“Yeah, I mean, maybe. You’ve got the Michelin star restaurant, the experience... It’s hard not to feel like I’m being compared to that. You’ve been here 2 days and everyone already loves you and what you’re making.” Ah, he felt like he was going to lose control of his kitchen.

You felt your frustration melt a little but as you calmed your voice down, l“I didn’t come here to compete with you. I’m here to help. That’s it.”

Carmen exhales, and you hope he realizes that’s all you’re here for.

His voice was low, “I know... it’s just...” He pauses, insecurity written all over his face.

You finish the sentence for him, “It’s hard to let someone else take some of the control.”

Carmen nods, his eyes meeting yours again. You totally got it- you know what it’s like to be in his position, to feel like you have to prove yourself every day, even when you’ve already proven it a hundred times over.

“Yeah. Something like that.”

You smile gently, feeling the tension between you two easing as she steps even closer, standing just a few steps away from him now.

“Look, I promise I’m not here to take over. This is your kitchen. I respect that. But I’m good at what I do, and I think we can make this place even better if we work together. I can take whatever step back that I need to. Fuck, put me on dishes tomorrow. But you can not take this insecure shit out on me tomorrow. I’ve paid my dues in hell kitchens before and I know yours is not one, but you’re not going to make it one for me either. I’m here to help.”

He nods, his shoulders relaxing a bit. “What’s your favorite late night snack?”

“What?” You looked at him like he had two heads because he changed the subject so quickly.

“What’s your favorite late night snack? You’re here late enough, what can I make you?”

“Nothing, I’ve got some leftovers at home.” You lied- you had something frozen at home, but honestly you were probably just going to eat a piece of bread with peanut butter before you pass out.

“Nah, I’m making you something. If you don’t tell me anything I’m gonna just pick something.”

“But we already cleaned!” You stomped your foot, and that earned a smile out of him. “Grilled cheese.”

He clapped his hands together, “Yes, that sounds delicious. Garlic butter or salted butter?”

Your mouth was already watering, “garlic butter of course.”

“That’s the correct answer.” He got to work quickly, not making a mess of the counters to undo any of your work. You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, and saw it was your brother so you answered it.

“You’re still there?” He asked you.

“Yes, I’m still here. Stop stalking my location or I’m turning it off for you. Closing down a restaurant takes a while.” You said back to him, quickly. Carmen turned around to watch you as you paced the kitchen and he waited for the pan to warm up.

“You sure you’re just closing the restaurant?” His partner chimed in.

“Blake, shut the fuck up.” You knew you were as red as a tomato. Carmen mouthed the word, “what?” “My brother and his partner think you’re the hottest chef in Chicago.”

You held the phone away from your ear as they both cussed you out and yelled at you for outing them, saying they’d never be able to show their face at the restaurant.

“Then quit giving me shit!” You yelled back.

“How was today?” Your brother asked, calmed down.

“It was…” you looked around and Carmen had turned back around to the pan on the gas stove. “It was a day.”

“Oooooh. You’ll have to give the hot tea later. About the hottie.”

“Stop iiiiiiiiiit.” You whined, and Carmen turned around again, laughing at you. “I gotta go, you two go to bed. It’s past your bedtime.” You hung up the phone before they could say anything else, and you placed your phone on the counter. “Sorry. He lives like, five minutes down the road and he is so excited to have me in town that he calls me all the time, and checks in on me-”

“You okay over there? You look a little flustered.” Carmen teased you, and you were mortified.

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“You two seem pretty close.”

“Yeah, we are, we’re actually twins.” You were born first, and you would always brag about it.

“Oh shit! That’s cool.”

“Yeah, except I got all the brains apparently. He’s an idiot and doesn’t know how to act. Sorry about all the uh, stuff.” You vaguely motioned, and blushed, suddenly focused on the fact that Carmen’s arms were naturally flexing as he flipped the grilled cheese sandwich in the pan. Your brother wasn’t completely wrong.

“He thinks I’m the hottest chef in Chicago, does he? Don’t twins like, share brain cells or something?” He turned around to make you blush even more.

“God, stop it, Carmen. It’s been two days and you’re technically my boss, so stop.” You buried your face in your hands, until you felt two hands grab onto your wrists and pull them away.

“Sorry, I overstepped. I was just going along with his teasing. Is he as southern as you?” He squeezed your hands before he let go and went back to the stove.

“God, no. He learned how to talk differently in high school and he never got his accent back. Moved up here for college and stayed ever since.”

“So you’ve come up here to see him before?” He was cooking a sandwich for himself and he was testing the sides to see if they were done yet.

“Once or twice. Not enough, I’m really glad to be able to be here to see him for this long.”

“You know, the program is kind of a placement program too, so if you wanted to-”

“I’m not trying to get ahead of myself here. I’m just needing a vacation from Atlanta, a working vacation, and somewhere that everyone doesn’t call me ma’am.” You joked.

“Triangles or squares?” Carmen asked, putting the sandwiches on paper towels.

“What?” You were confused at his question.

“You seem like a square sandwich kinda person, don’t tell me you like triangles?”

“Is there any other way to cut a grilled cheese, Berzatto?” He raised his eyebrow at you and said nothing, just cut the sandwich into four slices. “They taste better.”

He laughed at your childish comment, “you’re honestly not wrong.”

You helped him clean up the small mess he made and walked out of the restaurant with him again, but you both hesitated at the door tonight.

Carmen’s hands were shoved into his pockets as he cleared his throat, “Hey, you wanna come in early tomorrow and help me with the special?”

Your jaw almost dropped to the floor. You weren’t expecting this kind of integration into the staff or menu yet- three days in. This was a huge deal.

“You really want me to help?”

He scratched his head, “Didn’t we just have a conversation about how you were here to help? I think you’ve got some good ideas, and I think you can handle it.”

“Yeah, yeah, I will.” You tried to fight back the smile you had on your face at the recognition he was giving you after a bad day today.

“Just uh, don’t be late.” He teased you.

“I wouldn’t dare.” You teased back, already wishing this was the Carmen that you were dealing with every day for the next three months. “Thanks for the sandwich.”

“Thanks for everything tonight, Chef.” You blushed again at the comment and waved bye as you made your way to your home, your cheeks keeping you warm the entire walk back.

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto fanfic #the bear fx #the bear fanfiction #the bear fic #the bear #jeremy allen white #jeremy allen white x reader

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anniebeemine · 2 months

Text

an old flame-s.r.

Warnings: alcohol consumption, pure fluff, allusions to sex

“Dr. Spencer Reid!” You gushed, opening the door to your apartment. “It’s been far too long.”

He pulled you into a hug, using one hand to wrap around your waist and the other to push his bag to his side. “How have you been, Y/N?”

“Good.” You invited him and his friends in. They kicked off their shoes. “Sorry for the mess, I’m in the process of rearranging everything.”

Spencer took note of the carpet rolled up, carefully stepping over it. He settled down at the dining room table. “These are Agents Derek Morgan and Emily Prentiss,” he said, “we were hoping you’d be able to help us with something.”

You sat across from him, Morgan and Prentiss taking two more spaces. “It’s so nice to finally meet you guys. Spencer talks about you guys all the time.”

Prentiss shared a look with Morgan. Not that you’d ever have noticed, seeing as you were too busy taking in Spencer’s new look. You hadn’t seen him in a little over a year. His hair had gotten longer, brushing his shoulders with each step. You’d met a few years ago in a phd program, sharing drafts of your work for peer reviews. Over time, things grew personal but your job kept you in Chicago, his in Washington DC.

“We’re here to ask for your expertise,” he said. “There’s been a list of transients who have gone missing.”

You nodded, your mind already racing as you recalled the weekends spent at various homeless shelters. It had started as a volunteer effort, a way to give back to the community while pursuing your studies and teaching style. Little did you know, those weekends would become the foundation for your understanding of a shadowed corner of society.

“Thank you, Dr. Y/L/N,” Agent Prentiss smiled. “Please let us know if you think of anything else.”

You nodded as you followed the trio out of your apartment. “Of course. I’ll give you guys a call if I hear or see anything.”

Spencer lingered in the doorway for a few minutes, waiting until his friends were out of earshot. “I’ll see you before I leave,” he whispered.

You grinned. “You know where I’ll be.”

“Reid!”

He left with a wave and a tight lipped smile. Upon entering the elevator, he felt his smile fade as he slipped back into his job.

“She seemed real excited to see you,” Emily teased.

Spencer shook his head. “It’s not like that. We used to be classmates.”

Spencer didn’t come by for three days. You were sitting in your apartment reading through a student’s character analysis on some old film that you could only find at a library. He tapped his fingers on the door before entering the apartment. You’d pretty much put everything away since he’d come by. A hint of lavender hung in the air, a recent addition that spoke of your efforts to reclaim this space as your own. The walls, adorned with artwork and photographs that had once celebrated a shared journey, now featured new additions—abstract paintings that reflected a journey of introspection and renewal.

“Hey,” you called, “one second. There’s plenty of stuff in the fridge if you’re hungry.” You continued circling misspellings on the paper.

“Do you need help with those?” Spencer asked, sliding a paper over to him. “What class is this?”

“Personality psych. It’s mostly freshmen looking for credit hours.” You looked up at him. “You're more than welcome to read through them. This is my last one.”

He sat in silence as he read over one of the longer essays. You couldn’t help but be distracted by his hums of thought and looks of confusion. “Do you mind if I make some notes?”

“Go ahead,” you said, handing him a red pen. “I’m sure they’ll appreciate your feedback.”

As he marked up the paper, you felt a mixture of relief and unease. Spencer’s presence was comforting, yet the distance between you these past few days lingered like an unspoken question. After a few minutes, he looked up from the paper he was reading and smiled. "This one's really good. She's clearly being taught by the best."

You blushed, sure he was just being kind. “She's one of my brightest students.”

Spencer's smile grew warmer, and he shook his head slightly. "No, I mean it. You're an excellent teacher. It shows in their work."

The simplicity of his words felt like a lifeline. For a moment, the silence between you was filled with unspoken understanding.

“How have you been?” you asked, trying to bridge the gap.

“Busy,” he replied without looking up. “Cases have been non-stop.”

“I figured,” you said softly. “I missed you.”

He paused, pen hovering over the paper, before he glanced at you. “I missed you too.”

Spencer practically carried through your degrees. He’d read over your essays, umming and ahh-ing through your words. His notes were always constructive, never critical. You appreciated that someone could be so kind when reviewing your work. Despite being a literal genius, he never made you feel bad for not knowing things. The study group you were in dwindled, leaving just the two of you to have late nights together in the library.

He’d stopped by the night before the commencement ceremony. You had a little apartment in a neighborhood a few train stops away from school, your first ever home away from your parents. Spencer came by, takeout in one hand and a book in the other. You let him in quickly, offering him a drink as he unpacked the food and rambled about the man in the small restaurant.

“Would you like some?” You asked, holding a bottle of wine up.

He looked nervous. “I’ve never had wine,” he admitted.

You poured a little bit into a second glass. “Just for you to try, but you don’t have to.”

After dinner, you rummaged through your small collection of board games, looking for something to keep the evening going. You pulled out a few options and spread them out on the coffee table.

“How about a game?” you suggested. “We have the Game of Life, Candyland, and some truth or dare cards.”

Spencer glanced at the options, his eyes lingering on each one before finally settling on Candyland. “I haven’t played this since I was a kid,” he said with a small, nostalgic smile.

“Candyland it is, then,” you declared, setting up the game.

As you arranged the colorful pieces and shuffled the cards, Spencer finally took a tentative sip of the wine. He grimaced at the taste, making you laugh lightly.

“Not a fan?” you teased.

“It’s... different,” he said, his face still contorted in mild discomfort. “I suppose it’s an acquired taste.”

You chuckled, appreciating the honesty. “It’ll grow on you.”

The game began, and the two of you fell into an easy rhythm, moving pieces along the candy-colored path and drawing cards. Spencer’s competitive side emerged, though it was tempered by his genuine enjoyment of the game. His laughter was contagious, filling your small apartment with a joy that had been missing for a while. He’d gone to Vegas for two weeks and you missed him dearly. Halfway through the game, Spencer took another sip of his wine, his grimace less pronounced this time. “It’s not so bad after all,” he admitted.

“See? I told you it would grow on you,” you said, feeling a sense of accomplishment.

"Did you know that wine production dates back thousands of years?" Spencer mused, his eyes lighting up with the familiar enthusiasm of a lecture. "The earliest evidence of wine-making comes from ancient Georgia, not the state, but the country. It's fascinating how..."

You listened intently, amused by his ability to effortlessly segue into detailed historical narratives. It was one of the many reasons why conversations with Spencer were always enlightening and never dull. As he continued to share tidbits about wine culture and its evolution through the ages, you found yourself appreciating not just his intellect, but the genuine passion he had for sharing knowledge. Meanwhile, you shuffled through the truth or dare cards, knowing that standard card games were indeed too straightforward for someone like Spencer.

“Have you ever done anything illegal,” you read. You flipped the card onto the table. “Bought this game. Next.”

Spencer furrowed his brows. “How did you illegally buy this game?”

You looked at the stack of safe cards in your hand. “It had an over 18 rating. I wanted to have something fun for a girls night so I used a fake ID.”

Spencer laughed. “I also had a fake ID.”

You cocked your head, unsure of how to question it. But, some things are better left a mystery. “Pick.”

He tentatively slid one off the top. “Dare. Take a lap around the block.” You took one look at the snowy Chicago skyline. He picked the next card. “Finish your drink.”

The two of you shrugged, knocking back the rest of the wine in your glasses. You handed him the bottle, waiting for him to finish his pour before he put it back on the table. You refilled your glass, going for the next card. You played in an unconventional way, both attempting dares to do handstands and see who could win in arm wrestling. You both spilled your secrets during truth cards, sharing both sad and happy anecdotes. The wine was quickly depleting, fueling the playful energy in the room. This was the longest you’d talked to Spencer without it turning into an academic discussion. You flipped a card over, instantly regretting it.

Tell your first sex story

The mood shifted. The question was too personal, too intimate to answer in the midst of this lighthearted game. You exchanged a glance with him.

As Spencer opened his mouth, you noticed a flicker of hesitation cross his features. His expression held a mixture of thoughts—perhaps a desire to say something more, to bridge the gap that had formed between you, but also a cautious restraint, respecting the unspoken boundaries you had acknowledged.

For a moment, the room felt charged with unspoken words, the weight of their unspoken feelings and shared history hanging between you like a delicate thread. You could almost sense his struggle, the conflict playing out in the furrow of his brow and the slight tightening of his jaw. Spencer's lips parted, as if to speak, but then he closed them again, a small, rueful smile playing on his lips. He nodded slightly, his eyes conveying a silent acknowledgment of the complexities between you.

"I think this one belongs in the pile of racy cards," you said softly, setting the card aside with a small, apologetic smile.

Spencer nodded in agreement, relief evident in his eyes. "Agreed," he replied, his voice gentle. "Some questions are meant to remain private."

You gazed at him, enamored by the way he kept his hair tucked behind his ears. He pulled another card.

Kiss the person to your left

A blush forms across his cheeks. For a moment, neither of you moved. The silence between you was palpable, filled with unspoken thoughts and uncharted territory. Spencer's gaze met yours, his eyes searching for any sign of discomfort or reluctance.

"I... uh..." Spencer stammered, his voice betraying a mix of embarrassment and intrigue. He glanced down at the card, then back at you, his expression unreadable yet tinged with something deeper.

You hesitated, your heart racing as you considered the implications of the dare. Part of you wanted to laugh it off, to return to the light-hearted banter that had defined the evening. But another part, emboldened by the wine and the lingering connection between you, wondered what might happen if you crossed that line. Before you could make a decision, Spencer took a deep breath, his resolve steadying. With a tentative smile, he leaned forward, closing the distance between you. His lips brushed softly against yours, a gentle, fleeting touch that sent a shiver down your spine.

The kiss lasted only a moment, yet it felt timeless, charged with unspoken emotions and unexplored desires. Spencer pulled back slightly, his cheeks still flushed but his eyes now filled with a mix of vulnerability and curiosity.

"I... I'm sorry," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "I... I shouldn't have..."

But before he could finish his apology, you reached out, gently placing a hand on his cheek. "No," you said softly, your voice steady yet filled with a warmth that matched the wine in your veins. "It's okay."

Spencer's gaze searched yours, seeking reassurance and understanding. In that moment, you realized that the kiss had opened a door between you, one that neither of you were quite ready to close. You moved closer. His kisses were soft and hesitant at first, a gentle exploration that soon grew bolder. He tasted faintly of the wine you had been drinking, sweet and tangy. His hands were trembling as they traced the lines of your face, then moved down to your neck, your shoulders. The nervous energy that usually surrounded him seemed to focus entirely on you, each touch sending a shiver down your spine.

That night was a beautiful mix of awkwardness and passion, a shared discovery that deepened your connection. You remembered the way his breath hitched as you explored each other’s bodies, the way his fingers tangled in your hair, the intensity in his eyes as he looked at you like you were the most important person in the world. It was a night of firsts, one you both held onto in the quiet spaces of your minds.

But soon after, Spencer was picked for the BAU. It was a dream opportunity for him, and you were genuinely happy for his success. Yet, as he immersed himself in his new role, the demands of the job took him further away. The phone calls and texts became sporadic, then faded altogether. Your friendship, once so vibrant and full of promise, began to wane under the weight of his responsibilities and the distance between you.

You finished with the final essay, putting it to the side and putting your focus back on Spencer. “How did the rest of the case go?” He’d gotten better at communicating when he was far, but you still liked to have him close.

“We caught him. He was targeting people who were trying to make cash. He offered work for money and then would take them.” His voice came out gravelly and tired. He studied your apartment and you watched as he focused on the mantle for a minute.

“How’s Shawn?” He asked.

You fiddled with your bare finger. “We’ve separated. It’s been six months.”

"I'm sorry to hear that," Spencer said softly, his gaze sympathetic as he sat across from you in your apartment. His eyes flickered with concern, his mind processing the information you had just shared.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair in a gesture of weariness. "Relationships are... complicated," he murmured, his voice tinged with a hint of regret. "I wish I could have been there for you more."

You looked at him, touched by his sincerity. "It's not your fault, Spencer," you reassured him. "You've had your own battles to fight, cases to solve. We both did."

Spencer nodded slowly, his expression thoughtful. "Still," he began, his voice quiet yet earnest, "I can't help but feel like I should have been there for you more, especially during... everything."

You smiled sadly, memories of the past few years flooding your mind. "Shawn and I... we drifted apart," you admitted, your voice tinged with a mix of resignation and acceptance.

You spent years far too hung up on Spencer. That night you shared was something you’d never experienced before in more ways than one. You were like an addict chasing a high, but he was in a different time zone. You knew your marriage was over before it started. Shawn didn’t like that every few weeks, you'd spend an entire afternoon talking to Spencer, practically ignoring everything happening around you. Instead, you told Spencer about your job and how you’ve become a new person since divorcing.

Spencer listened, his expression unreadable as he absorbed your words. Before he could respond, you broke the momentary silence, redirecting the conversation. "How are you, Spencer?" you asked, your voice filled with genuine concern.

He hesitated for a moment, then gave a small smile. "I'm fine," he replied automatically, his tone hinting at a deeper complexity. He started rambling about literature he’d read recently. You listened to him, feeling his excitement of having someone who could listen to him for so long. Truthfully, you could do this all day. You held his hand, instantly silencing him. “Sor-”

“How are you, Spencer? Like… inside.”

Spencer met your gaze, his expression vulnerable yet sincere. "I feel... a lot better now that we're close again," he confessed quietly. "I... I've thought about you for years, you know”

You blinked. “Really?”

He nodded, taking his hand back. Spencer would look anywhere but you. He settled on a spot in the carpet before taking a deep breath. “I mentioned you to our technical analyst.”

“Penelope, right?”

“Yeah.” He nervously wiped his hands on his pants. “I’d been through a lot at the time. The whole thing with my dad and…”

You’d been away in your own world at the time, missing two phone calls because of your honeymoon. Each time, you had promised yourself to return the calls later, unaware of the weight they might carry. Meanwhile, Spencer had been grappling with his own tumultuous emotions, navigating the aftermath of a difficult period involving his father and the complexities of his own feelings for you.

“I was going to send a letter with everything but you moved. I asked her to find your new address and she told me you’d bought this place with Shawn.”

You swallowed thickly. “I’m so sorry,” you mumbled. “I should have told you and-”

“I respected that, Y/N. We stayed friends.” He finally looked you in the eyes. “I have been in love with you since long before that truth or dare.”

Spencer's words hung in the air, heavy with emotion and vulnerability. You stared at him, your heart racing as memories flooded back—memories of late nights debating theories, of shared laughter over obscure references, of stolen glances that spoke volumes.

"I... I didn't know," you confessed softly, feeling a mix of disbelief and overwhelming affection. "I never imagined..."

He nodded, his gaze steady on yours now. "I never knew how to say it. I was always afraid... afraid of losing what we had if I admitted how much you meant to me. I didn't mean to spring this on you like this. It's just... I've been carrying this for so long, afraid that if I didn't say it now, I might never find the courage to say it at all."

You gently placed your hand on his, feeling the tremor beneath his touch. "Spencer, you don't need to apologize," you assured him softly. "I'm just... I'm glad you told me. I've wondered about us, too."

His eyes searched yours, a mix of relief and uncertainty flickering in their depths. "You have?"

"Yes," you admitted, your voice steady despite the storm of emotions swirling inside you. "I've thought about what could have been, what might still be... if we're both willing."

He exhaled slowly, his fingers tightening around yours. "I've always cared about you, Y/N.”

"Thank you for being brave enough to say it," you replied, leaning in to press a gentle kiss against his cheek. "I'm here, Spencer. Whenever you're ready."

He nodded, a soft smile playing on his lips as he intertwined his fingers with yours. "I think... I'm ready now."

#fanfic #criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reidx reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic

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janicho88 · 1 year

Text

When It All Falls Apart-Chapter 1

Pairing- Jensen x Reader

Word count- 1,069

Warnings-Not much for this chapter. Pregnancy talk (Will last a good chunk of the story) But it's not the reader. If I missed something let me know!

A/N- Birthday Post 1. Apparently, I can't write short stories. Not that I've been writing much lately. This was a one shot, then three part, and here we are with another series. Thank you to @writercole and @leigh70 for your help with this. You two are amazing!!

Summary-Y/N Padalecki loved acting on Supernatural. Working alongside your older brother and your boyfriend, but after ten seasons the guys have chosen to hang up the guns. Now the three of you are moving on to other projects, but that’s all that needs to change right? While you have moved to Austin to be closer to your family and boyfriend, Jensen is working elsewhere. Distance is only the start of your troubles.

Series Masterlist

“Aunt Y/N, Aunt Y/N!” Tom calls for your attention.

“Yes! I’m watching, I really am,” you tell the young boy as you set your phone down on the table next to you.

“No you weren’t. You were watching your phone,” your nephew argues back.

“I’m sorry buddy, but you really do have my full attention now.”

With a dramatic huff, the young boy gets himself ready to run through his self-made obstacle course in the backyard. Your brother Jared and his wife, Gen are in the house talking with your parents and Gen’s while you volunteered to keep Tom busy out here. The little man is right, you have been staring at your phone, hoping for a message, call, anything to come through. Giving up on it, you focus on Tom running over to the slide.

“How’s things out here?” a cheery voice questions, as its owner sits down beside you.

“Good, Tom is just about to finish up his obstacle run. I think he is anyway. How did it go in the house?” you ask your sister-in-law.

“Great, they are all so excited.”

“Did you have any doubts?”

“Not really.”

“When are you telling Tom?”

“Just before we tell everyone else, so another month or so. Just in case he spills the beans.”

“He does take after my brother in the talk first, think later aspect.”

She laughs, “I don’t know how I’m going to handle three of them.”

“Wait, you’re having twins? You didn’t tell me that!”

“What? No. Jared, Tom and this baby will make three.”

“Ah, I got you now. You are going to have your hands full.”

“Definitely. Are you sure you want to move back out soon? I’m going to miss having you around. I’ll split custody of you with Jensen.”

When your boyfriend went out of town for work five months ago and wasn’t able to come home much, or at all, you started sleeping over at your brother's. That turned into you just temporarily moving into the guest bedroom because you didn’t like staying alone in his empty house. First, he was gone to film a movie in Chicago for three and a half months, and off to Toronto days after finishing that to start filming The Boys. You have been working on a Netflix series filming just outside of Austin, then are going to join Walker, when it begins filming in August. At least Jensen is supposed to be home just before that. Just under two months to go, you think.

You try to hide it, but she still catches the slight fall of your face at her comment, but before Gen can say anything, or you can respond, Tom is calling for you.

“Aunt Y/N, did you see that?”

“I did! Amazing job Tom, you are getting so fast.”

“That’s ‘cause I’m four now. Soon I’m going to start getting as tall as daddy.”

“Yes, you are.”

He goes back to play, and Sadie, Jared’s German Shepherd, chases after. Gen is sitting there watching you.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, just peachy.”

“Are you sure? You’ve spent a lot of time staring at your phone lately. I’ve noticed you seem to be a bit down.”

“Hey Y/N,” your brother calls out, “mom and dad are getting ready to hit the road.”

Saved from answering her question you jump up. “I need to go see my parents off.”

“Tom, Grandma and Grandpa Padalecki are heading back to San Antonio. Let’s go say goodbye,” your sister-in-law calls to her son.

You make your way inside before she can continue her questioning. No, things aren’t really great, but you don’t want to talk about it right now. Putting a smile on your face you walk inside to face your parents. Goodbyes are said, hugs are exchanged and before long you are standing in the driveway next to Jared waving as their car pulls out.

“Mom and dad can’t wait to spoil another grandbaby,” you say as the two of you walk back inside.

“No they can’t. As happy as they have been for Jeff and I, just wait until you and Jensen have your first kid. You’re mom’s baby girl, she is going to go nuts.”

“Yeah, hard to say if that’s in the cards,” you mumble, but Jared still caught it.

“Jensen loves kids, I thought he couldn’t wait to have a few?”

“Yeah, I just don’t know if it will be with me.”

Jared stops and stares after you walking ahead of him through the living room, “What?? Did something happen between you two? Do I need to go up to Toronto and kick his ass?”

“Nothing has happened, just drop it,” you call back over your shoulder as you hit the stairs and head for your room.

Gen is standing in the kitchen doorway and looks over at her husband, “what’s going on?”

“I’m not really sure. But I’m going to make a call and find out.”

“Ah, no you aren’t. We don’t know what has her so off. If something is going on with the two of them, if she’s just stressed and tired, or maybe it really is nothing. You aren’t going to call and worry Jensen if it’s nothing.”

“She’s my little sister.”

“Who would kick your ass if you made that call. I’ll see if she’ll talk to me tomorrow. I’ve noticed she’s been off for a few days, I was trying to give her space.”

“I could find out right now.”

“I know it’s hard, but turn off big brother mode for now. Don’t make me hide your phone, Mister.”

“Fine, I’ll let you talk to her first.”

“Good boy, now go find your son for his bath please, while I check on my parents outside.”

Gen leans up and gives Jared a kiss before she walks away.

Up in the guest room you are curled up on the bed trying not to over think what your brother had just said. You can’t help the tears that begin to fall. You’ve been with Jensen for four years now, it would be a lie if you said you hadn’t thought about having a family with him before. He has been your rock, safe place and well, everything for so long. You just weren’t expecting things to go the way they had. That steady rock you leaned on had become a landslide.

Thank you for reading!!

Chapter 2

Tag list

SPNForevers- @winchest09 @flamencodiva @whatareyousearchingfordean @waywardbeanie @deanwanddamons @emoryhemsworth @atc74 @sandlee44 @akshi8278 @fantasydevil2002 @writercole @440mxs-wife @nervousfandom @lunarmoon8 @thoughts-and-funnies @downanddirtydean @katelyn--renee @that-one-gay-girl @lyarr24 @pineapleavocado @siospins2 @ariesbabe1993 @graciebear73 @stixnstripesworld @spnbaby-67 @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @charmed-asylum @winchestergirl2 @hobby27 @amyzombie1013 @sexyvixen7 @leigh70 @jawritter @krazykelly @nancymcl

WIAFA-

#jensen x female!reader #jensen ackles x reader #supernatural #jensen ackles rpf #When It All Falls Apart

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badwritinghabit · 1 year

Text

Chef's Kiss | Carmy x fem!OC x Luca | Chapter 7

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist | Ao3

Warnings: none this chapter! Let me know if you see anything you think I should add.

Word Count: 5,033

Summary: Luca invites Sophie to a night out with his chef friends where Carmy and Claire are surprise guests. And Sophie and Luca spend a day together as tourists.

As he dropped her off, Luca invited Sophie to join him for tapas with some of his chef friends later that night. He said he’d call her later when they were headed to the restaurant. Some part of her assumed he’d change his mind. This was a one night thing, surely. He’d return to Copenhagen and she’d never see him again. But even so, she felt lighter than she had in a long time.

She spent the morning lazily reading and listening to music, feeling good. She was tempted to text her sister, she wanted to tell someone about what had happened. But Mallary was on vacation with her family and she didn’t want to interrupt.

Syd texted her in the early afternoon asking if she wanted to join her to get lunch at another restaurant on her list. She was on a mission to try as much new food as possible in the lead up to the opening of The Bear and Sophie had joined a few other times to keep her company and to expand her restaurant experience in Chicago. Sophie eagerly accepted her invite, knowing Syd also wanted to talk about what ended up happening with Luca.

They talked over pancit and lumpia. She filled Syd in on the date, no sordid details, but blushing enough when she talked about him inviting her back to his hotel that Syd grinned and Sophie felt she basically knew everything anyways.

“He invited me to come out with his friends tonight. It’s strange, right? It seems like a lot for something casual.”

“Maybe he likes you and wants more than casual?” Syd asked, taking a sip of water.

“He lives in Copenhagen. That seems unlikely.”

Syd shrugged. “So are you going to see him again tonight? Night two?” She was smirking at Sophie.

“Syd, I’m a little worried this is the best sex I will ever have. If he wants a night 2, I will be there.”

Syd laughed loudly and Sophie swatted her arm with a laugh of her own. “You said it had been a while right?” she asked at her nod, she shrugged. “Don’t build him up in your head too much. You have nothing to compare him to. College boyfriends are not the best measuring stick for sexual prowess.”

“You’re not wrong there,” she accepted. “I do feel a bit like a teenager. Honestly it is kind of embarrassing.”

“You’re down bad.” Syd nodded, faking understanding.

As if being summoned, Sophie’s phone started ringing. It was Luca.

“Hey,” she answered, motioning to Syd to be quiet. Syd shook her head with a silent laugh.

“Hello. I’m with some chef friends and we made our way to Boystown early, I thought I’d see if you wanted to join us early. We’re going to a bar.”

“I’m actually eating with Syd right now,” she said, biting her lip. “I’d still be up for joining afterwards though.”

“Yeah that sounds good. I’ll let you know when we are headed to the bar.”

“See you then,” she said, voice a little too excited. She hung up and looked at Syd’s grinning face.

“See you then.” Syd teased her. Sophie groaned and put her head in her hands. “Down bad.”

—

She was, she realized. As she walked into the bar lobby and felt her whole body light up when she saw Luca. She made herself walk over calmly and not call out to him or do anything embarrassing.

He greeted her with a hug and kiss on the cheek- the kiss surprising her a little- and then introduced her to his friends. Sebastian, Lyssie, and Carlo, all Chicago area chefs. They were intimidating and a little too much like the chefs she usually avoided. All eager to talk about their newest accomplishments.

She tried to make a good impression, be complementary and kind. But she ended up feeling most comfortable with Lyssie’s wife, Laura. She seemed equally uninterested in hearing the gossip about the chef who had added too much lemon juice in a reviewer’s dish and had never recovered. The two ended up by the bar chatting for a bit and then she stuck close to her when they rejoined the group. Laura was a science writer working on a book and the two bonded over writing.

Sophie picked a bit at the tapas and eventually wandering back over to the chefs who happened to be talking about Chef Thomas, the owner of the restaurant she worked at in San Diego.

“You worked with Johann Thomas, didn’t you?” Luca asked as she joined them, pulling her into the conversation.

“I did. Ivy Green. Fantastic restaurant.”

“He’s a handful. Very old school techniques.” Sebastian added, looking judgmental.

“He’s unbelievably talented,” she said with a warm smile, wanting to defend her friend but not wanting to get into a debate. She watched as recognition flashed in his eyes.

“Wait, you’re Sophie Miller?” Sebastian asked, looking shocked.

“Yeah?” she responded, more of a question.

“Of course. I didn’t put it together,” Sebastian said, eyes still wide. “He certainly speaks highly of you. I saw him last year. He said you and Carmen were the only chefs under the age of 50 that were worth seeking out for their food.” Sebastian explained.

Sophie squinted, unsure. “That doesn’t sound right. He was on my ass the whole time I was there. Said I julienned carrots like a fuckhead.” She laughed to herself. “Once Chef Thomas found out I worked with Carmy he constantly talked about how much worse I was than him.”

“That’s not what he says to other people.” Suddenly, Sebastian seemed much more interested in her. It annoyed her a little.

They were interrupted before she had to respond. Carmy and Claire walked in the restaurant. Sophie smiled at the two of them, trying to remain calm. She didn’t know Claire would be coming- didn’t think about it. But she realized this was a good way to get the introduction over with. Lots of other people around to help hide her nerves.

Carmy did the rounds, shaking hands. He seemed as uncomfortable as she was.

“Carmen Berzatto and Sophie Miller in one place. We were just talking about Chef Thomas’ favorites.” Sebastian said after a bit, seeming to want to get back to that conversation. Carmy just nodded.

“I still don’t know about this favorite thing. Whenever I talk to him he asks if I’ve learned how to sharpen my knives yet. One time he caught me slacking. Never gonna live that down.” She grinned, trying to get Sebastian off her case with a joke.

“He said your sister single handedly took out the best up and coming chef,” he said, curiously.

Sophie froze, drink pressed against her lips. She wanted to be flattered, she respected Chef Thomas’s opinion greatly. But she hadn’t been prepared to talk about her sister. And her heart started racing. “He has a flair for the dramatics, hasn’t he?” she asked with a shaky smile.

Carmy chimed in. “He does. Remember the year he wore a gold suit to the James Beard award ceremony?”

Sophie looked to Carmy gratefully as everyone changed direction and started talking about the James Beard awards. She was surprised he spoke up, he so rarely did in these types of conversations.

“Does anyone else need anything?” she asked, motioning towards the bar, wanting to escape for a second to catch her breath. Carmy volunteered to go with her and Claire followed.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she said, reaching a hand out to shake Claire’s. She wasn’t going to get the break she wanted but it would be good to talk to Claire. She should get it over with.

“You too. Carmy has told me a lot about you.” Claire smiled, her hand sliding into Carmy’s. “I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“I didn’t either,” Sophie said with a small smile as she sidled up to the bar. She looked at Carmy for a second with a grimace. “Luca invited me. I think I somehow convinced him I might fit in with the chef friends,” she said with a self deprecating sigh. She looked back to Claire with a shrug.

“You were fine,” Carmy encouraged, his gaze heavy on her. She smiled and ordered another drink. Carmy wasn’t drinking but Claire ordered wine.

“Have you been here before?” Claire asked, steering the conversation as she got her drink.

“I have not. Have you?” She turned to Claire.

“Yes, just once. The food here is really good.” She smiled. “At least, I think it is. You all are the chefs.”

“Our palettes are all fucked.” Sophie joked. “You’d be the better judge probably.” Carmy was grinning. “Oh Carm, did you see? Figs and goat cheese.” She raised her eyebrows.

He huffed a laugh and shook his head. “Height of cuisine tonight.”

At Claire’s confused look, Sophie explained. “I’m being mean. Carmy and I were working in New York when the fig and goat cheese fad swept the city. It’s delicious, don’t get me wrong. But it became a bit of a joke,” she tried to explain. Claire nodded politely but Sophie felt bad, she didn’t want to make a bad impression. She was still reeling from the question about her sister.

“I’ve heard you work in the emergency department at a hospital? That is so impressive. Are you one of those people who get super calm in tense situations?” she asked, trying to win her back over.

“Actually, yes! I feel like my brain thrives under the pressure. Like a puzzle. It’s really rewarding work.”

“That’s amazing. I feel like Carmy is similar. Obviously different –scales?” She faltered on the last word, not wanting to insult either person. “But I’m so jealous. Not my strong suit at all.”

“Really? But it sounds like you were quite good at cooking.”

“The yelling and the rush got to me. I ended up being a much better pastry chef. I like getting up early and prepping at 5am when no one is around and then being able to leave when things get heated.” She smiled.

She asked Claire more about herself and shared bits of her story in turn. She was lovely. Of course she was, she was Carmy’s girlfriend.

It wasn’t long before Luca wandered over with a small plate and handed it to Sophie. “I thought you might want to try one,” he said, handing the plate over before wrapping an arm around Sophie, hand warm against her lower back.

Carmy huffed out a laugh, looking away and putting a hand to his mouth. Sophie glanced to Carmy and then down at the plate and bit back a laugh as well. Luca had brought her the fig and cheese appetizer.

“What?” he asked, looking confused.

“Thanks! This is sweet. We were just joking before you walked over,” she said, leaning into him slightly since both hands were now taken up, one with a drink and the other with the plate. “Should we re-join the group? I was hoarding Claire’s time.”

As they walked back Carmy slyly grabbed the crostini from the plate and slid it into his mouth. She shook her head at him, grinning.

The rest of the night was calm. Luca and the other chefs shared stories. Unfortunately for Carmy, the chefs were all hounding him with questions. He always answered them briefly. He seemed to get more comfortable over time but still disliked the attention.

Eventually she snuck off to the bathroom and checked her phone, making sure her sister hadn’t contacted her. She felt a little panicky, worried she’d messed up somewhere. Particularly worried about her conversation with Claire. The other chef’s opinions didn’t matter too much but she wanted the night to go well. Wanted to leave Claire with a good impression.

Mallary hadn’t texted. She held her phone and took a breath.

She decided to text Chef Thomas, giving herself a little more time before she had to go back and face everyone again.

“Just met some Chicago chefs who told me how much you appreciate my julienning skills.”

He responded right away, “They’re lying to you.” He texted again. "Just sharpen your knives, you'll be fine." And then a third time. “How’s your sister?”

She replied quickly, letting him know Mallary was doing well. She walked out of the restroom with a smile on her face.

His reply cheered her. She could practically hear his disapproving voice in her head. Feigning annoyance with her but still always supportive. She was ready to go back. Sophie spotted Carmy at the bar as she left the restroom so she walked over to him. “Hiding at the bar, chef?” she asked.

“Getting another glass for Claire,” he responded. “And also hiding.”

She laughed. When the bartender asked if she wanted anything else, she asked for a glass of water. “How’s Luca?” he asked her, the glass of wine in his hand but he hadn’t turned to leave yet.

She bit her lip and looked at the bar. Her heart sank a little. She shrugged. “He’s lovely. Of course. But I think I messed things up.”

She met his eyes and felt the immediate pull to spill her guts to him.

“I just– fuck. I don’t know. Yesterday I pretended I could flirt and go on a date with someone and be normal. But–” she stopped, feeling selfish. “It’s stupid really. So many bigger things happening. Don’t know why I care anyways.” She forced a smile and pushed away from the bar to go back to the table but Carmy grabbed her arm. Her heart stuttered in her chest. She wished he hadn’t touched her- hadn’t reminded her what his hands felt like.

He stood in front of her. “Look, Soph. I get it. But Luca is a good guy. And it really doesn’t matter what any of them think of you anyways.”

She forced herself to smile at him, ignoring the pounding of her chest. “Yeah, thanks Carm.”

---

They said goodbyes at the end of the night. Sophie felt slightly hopeful that things went better than she had feared because Claire hugged her as she left. The chefs clearly weren’t as interested in networking with her once they found out she had no immediate plans to start cooking again, but they were all cordial and she was glad she met them at the end of it all.

She and Luca stood in front of the restaurant after everyone left and she shifted on the balls of her feet. “Thanks for inviting me,” she said with a small smile.

“I’m sorry if they made you uncomfortable,” he responded, clearly looking concerned.

“No! It was fine. I’m just in a weird place with cooking and everything I guess. But they were all very nice,” she finished, realizing she was digging herself deeper.

“Do you want to go for a walk? Find another bar or something?” He ended up asking. “I haven’t really explored much.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she agreed.

He seemed to hesitate as he looked down the street. “I’ve never actually been here before,” he admitted and she grinned at him and reached over to grab his hand in hers.

“How about we go this way? There’s a tiny park and a garden we could see. It’s not far.” He nodded and followed her lead.

“Do you not like talking about your time in San Diego?” he asked, curiously. He seemed open and curious, like he just wanted to get to know her. If this were a normal date, she’d think this was lovely. But she was getting confused. They couldn’t actually date, this had to be something casual. So why was he doing all of this? Was he just a kind person? She wished she could summon the fake confidence she had in fits and bursts the previous night. But she felt drained.

“I don’t mind talking about it! It was actually really nice. Chef Thomas has a reputation of being rude but he is really very kind once you get to know him,” she said. “And I loved San Diego. Even more than New York City. Have you been to California at all?”

“Just L.A. I’d like to see San Diego someday.” He paused. “Carmy has a lot of fans, yeah?” he said when she didn’t offer more.

“Oh yeah. Poor guy. He really isn’t in it for the fame. It throws most people that he isn’t going around bragging about it.” She grinned. “For all of the jealousy that comes with being friends with someone so talented, Carmy not particularly enjoying the accolades really helps.”

Luca grinned at her. “You seem close,” he said. “He talked about you a lot when we worked at Noma.”

She nearly tripped over an uneven sidewalk section. “That doesn’t sound like Carmy,” she said, slowly, shocked.

“He did. Said you were going to be the best pâtissière in New York. Everyone in Noma heard about Sophie Miller. I was secretly hoping to meet you, if I’m being honest. Not because I thought this would happen.” He squeezed her hand, a blush dancing across his cheeks. “But because I wanted to know who could impress Carmy. He really cleared up any notions I had about being the best chef when we worked together.”

“He sees the best in people,” she said after a bit. “I don’t think I’m particularly talented but he saw how hard I worked. He actually nudged me towards becoming a pastry chef. I think he saw how bad the stress of the dinner rush got to me.” She was lost in her thoughts again, about New York. About her friend who had helped her so much. Even in ways she didn’t know.

She had impressed on Carmy the importance of trying to make a name for himself. She had dragged him to a few events and had followed to his own James Beard award ceremony. She had made it her mission to repay all of the help he gave her by getting his name out there to everyone. She knew she could be good at it, the networking thing. And she knew Carmy hated it. And to be fair, he didn’t need the help, not really. His cooking spoke for itself. But if she could get people to go try the food, she knew it would help him in the long run. She hadn’t realized he’d done it for her too.

“He absolutely thinks you’re talented, by the way. He was so happy Marcus could learn from you,” she said, realizing she had nearly walked them past the park and turned them down another block.

“Marcus is a fantastic pastry chef. Carmy knows how to pick his people.” Sophie smiled at him and blushed as she felt him run his thumb up and down the back of her hand, still held in his.

They walked through the garden, her steps loud in her ears. She didn’t know what to say. She felt like they’d gotten quite close in only a little over 24 hours. She wasn’t excited about the prospect of him leaving. “I didn’t really want to move to Chicago, to be honest.” She found herself looking at the tiny garden, surprised at how few people were around on such a peaceful night. “I was finally finding happiness in San Diego. But it has its moments”, she said. “I do love this garden.” She remembered she hadn’t told him about her sister’s cancer. Hadn’t wanted to deal with being the sad girl, and yet here she was, being sad. She turned to him with a smile.

“Do you think you’ll stay in Copenhagen? Or are you going to return to London someday?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve found a restaurant I love and it is hard to want to leave that,” he said, looking at her thoughtfully.

“I understand that.” She smiled at him. The two had started walking again, over to the tiny corner park. “Want to go on the swings?” she asked when she saw no one was using them.

He grinned at her and agreed. She started leading him over and had an idea. “Race you there,” she said, dropping his hand and rushing forward, the sound of his laughter chasing after her.

She made it there with barely a second to spare before he reached her. She beamed up at him from her place on the swing. “I thought with those long legs you’d be a little faster,” she taunted him. He chuckled and pushed her swing before sitting on his own. She watched his feet drag across the ground on the swing until he lifted his legs.

“I think you might be too tall,” she laughed at him. He reached out and shoved her swing sideways causing her to swing away and then back, nearly bumping into him. She laughed. He reached over and dragged her to him for a kiss. She melted instantly, sighing as he pulled away, his free hand reaching up to cup her cheek.

“Tomorrow’s my last full day here,” he said, quietly. His eyes burning into hers.

She didn’t know what to say. She knew their time was limited, that this was it. But she supposed she hoped they’d somehow get away without saying goodbye. That they could just have this magical moment and walk away from it with some nice memories. She didn’t want to think about how much she’d have liked it to last longer. “What are you doing tomorrow?” she asked.

“I have to go see the Bean.” She laughed at him and he released his grip on her swing causing her to swing the opposite way. She kicked her feet out to stabilize herself. “Hey don’t laugh at me! I’m a tourist. I never got to do the touristy things when I worked here.” He paused. “I also wanted to go to the art museum. I like going to museums while I’m traveling,” he said.

“Do you want company?”

"Only if you're willing to be a tourist with me," he said, teasing edge to his voice. She smiled. Being a tourist with Luca sounded like a whole lot of fun.

Realizing they were running low on time, she stood and walked over to him, standing between his obnoxiously long legs. She grabbed onto the chains of the swings and stood looking down at him. “Do you want to come back to my apartment?” she asked, pulling the swing toward her slightly.

She pressed her lips against his in what she planned as a quick peck but turned passionate, Luca leaning up into her, his mouth opening against hers causing tingles to shoot down her spine.

She forgot that she was holding the swing in place and let go to tangle her fingers in his hair. She realized a second too late what she'd done. He started swinging back and she stumbled towards him. He grabbed her around the waist and put his feet down harder, stopping the movement.

“Sorry. I forgot I was holding the swing.” She laughed breathlessly, holding herself up against his shoulders.

“I noticed.” He smirked up at her, his hands shifting from holding her up to sliding down her waist and holding her hips, taking her breath away.

“Come on.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him up, walking him away from the park and towards her home.

---

For the second day, she awoke wrapped in Luca’s arms, head buried in his chest, feeling warm and comfortable. She felt him stir underneath her and tried to stay still, not wanting to have to wake up just yet.

“Good morning.” His grumbly morning voice sounded from above her on the bed.

“Five more minutes,” she whined, wrapping her arms tighter around him. She felt him reach over and comb his fingers through her hair.

“I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon,” he said, his grin clear in his voice. His hand grazed down her shoulder and back and slowly slid back up. Warmth spread through her, feeling too comfortable. She sighed and relaxed into him.

I don’t want you to leave. She slid her hand up his side and burrowed her face into him, eyes shut. Two days of waking up with a warm, soft, sweet man in bed with her. She didn’t want to go back to waking up alone. She took a breath and forced herself to keep moving. “I suppose we should get ready. We have tourist stuff to do.”

“Can I make you breakfast first?” he asked.

She lifted her head to look up at him for the first time that morning, a smile on her face. “You want to cook for me?”

“Yeah,” he said, eyes warm and soft. His eyes crinkled in the corners as he grinned wider watching her react. He rolled onto his side and tilted his head at her. “You do realize we are both lying naked in your bed, yeah? Why are you blushing about breakfast?”

She matched his posture, lying opposite him. “It’s just–” She hesitated a second. “You’re so– wonderful.”

“Wonderful?” he asked, his grin softening. Then he leaned forward and kissed her sweetly on her lips, then her nose, then her forehead. “That’s it. I’m making you breakfast.”

---

Luca stood in her kitchen in his rumpled clothes from the previous day. Coffee had just finished brewing and she was leaning against the kitchen island watching him cook for her.

She sipped her coffee and found herself watching Luca, his hands as he whipped some egg mixture in a bowl to make french toast. His hair flopped over his forehead, messy and perfect. She had the sudden urge to take a picture. She tried to be quiet, reached to the end of the counter with her phone and quietly took a picture of him. She put her phone down as he turned and he smirked at her.

“Did you take a picture of me?” He grinned and stepped over to her. She blushed. “I need a picture too then,” he said, grabbing his phone from his back pocket. He patted the island and she hopped up. He took a selfie of them, his arm wrapped around her, her cheeks still pink as she held the coffee mug between her hands. “Now let me work, yeah?” he said, before kissing her on the cheek and getting back to cooking.

---

Their afternoon was the picture of perfection. They walked around the museum, commenting on pieces of art as they went. Sophie would grab Luca’s hand and pull him to look at a painting before dropping it again. After the third time he grabbed her hand and wouldn’t let go.

Sophie flexed the one Art History class she took in college, pointing out pieces and movements she recognized. They eventually turned it into a game, pretending to be art critics talking about the works. Being a tourist with Luca was fun.

They took pictures at the Bean. Sophie made sure to get a few of them together. She wished again that this wasn’t about to end. That they could have time to actually date. She pushed the thought away. They lived in different countries, after all.

As they walked around they shared pieces of their lives. Sophie told him about her nieces, how she was excited to see them since they’d been gone for the past two weeks on a family vacation. How one of them, Cecily, was in her silly joke phase. She started sharing her favorites with Luca.

“I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know ‘Y’.” she said, with a wide grin at her own joke. Luca chuckled and returned with his own silly jokes. And the two spent a while trying to make each other laugh.

Luca also told her about his family. His sister had married recently and was living outside of London. He hadn’t visited in over a year but was hoping to go back home soon. She learned about Luca as a teenager, who to her surprise and delight had an emo phase similar to her own. Their easy conversation made it harder for Sophie to think about the upcoming goodbyes.

“Thanks for all of this,” he said, as they walked down the path towards the fountain.

She grinned at him and grabbed his hand again. Don’t leave. The thought wouldn’t stop spiraling through her head. She hadn’t felt this happy in so long.

She knew some of it was her just avoiding thinking about everything else, giving herself a vacation from her life for a bit. But there was something about being with Luca that made her feel so happy. It just felt easy, in a way so few things did. Like things would turn out okay as long as he was there. She knew she wasn’t putting a very convincing smile on her face by the look Luca was giving her. “I’m trying not to be sad,” she admitted quietly.

He squeezed her hand. “Me too,” he said and she looked at him. “If you’d like, you could come visit me. I’d show you around Copenhagen,” he offered, quietly.

“Yes. I’d love that,” she responded, perhaps too eagerly. The idea that he wanted to see her again cheered her up so much she didn’t think about how that would work. And her immediate reaction seemed to cheer him up too. He grinned at her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her to him.

They said goodbye at the subway station. Sophie got on her tiptoes to kiss him. As they pulled away, she put a hand to his chest. “It was lovely meeting you, Luca.”

He smiled and leaned down to kiss her, one more time. Slow and easy and perfect. “It was lovely meeting you, Sophie.” he said with a small grin. She smiled at him, knowing her cheeks were pink. Still feeling her heart jump the tiniest bit at the sound of him saying her name.

As she walked onto her train, she felt her phone buzz. He had sent her a joke. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity.”

Her phone buzzed again. “I can’t put it down.”

She laughed and sent a text saying “loser 🤣 ”. And then, before she could talk herself out of it, sent "❤️". She put her phone back in her purse.

#chef luca x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #the bear #the bear fanfic #chef luca x original character #carmy berzatto x original character

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visforvengeance · 11 months

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Hey!

It’s been a minute😭.

However, I have been watching The Bear and loving it. Jeremy is actually the love of my life. But I wrote something for Carmen and I’m feeling iffy about it:

Rue rushed through the door, ignoring everyone except for Carmen. He sat on his bed as he watched his best friend bounce around in his bedroom.

“It’s here! It’s here! It’s here!” She squealed while clutching the unopened envelope to her chest.

Carmen was dreading the day when they received their acceptance letters. He hadn’t told Rue that his college of choice was in New York. He knew that Rue would be attending college in Chicago, but fucking Carmen. He always did have to strive for the best.

He felt like shit, but the pure excitement on Rue’s face was infectious. He couldn’t help his smile as they switched envelopes, now holding each other’s futures in their hands.

“I’ll go first, you ready?” He watched as Rue bit at her nails anxiously, she nodded. Carmen opened the letter, he spared one glance at Rue before he began reading.

“Dear Ms. Winston, I am pleased to inform you that you have been accepted as an official student of the English Literature and Arts Department…” Rue’s hearing had faded as she allowed the words to process.

When it finally hit her, she rushed into Carmen’s arms. Her tears soaked into the cotton of his shirt but he didn’t let that deter him from telling Rue just how proud he was of her. When they pulled away, he held her face in his hands as she took deep breaths to calm herself down. He looked into her eyes, silently asking if she’s okay. She nodded, looking back into his blue ones.

Rue carefully tore into the letter, her eyes scanned over the paper. The Institute of Culinary Education, 225 Liberty Street, 3rd Floor, New York, NY 10281. New York? No, this can’t be. He’d tell her if he was going to New York, right?

She cleared her throat and began reading, “Dear Mr. Berzatto, we are very pleased to offer you admission into The Institute of Culinary Arts.” Her throat ran dry as she read. What the fuck?

“Why didn’t you tell me you applied for New York?”

“You’re the one who told me not to tell you,” he huffed, suddenly feeling defensive at his lack of mentioning.

“It’s fucking New York, Carmen! I meant don’t fucking tell me if it was in the goddamn state. I thought that was obvious. Why there, anyway?”

He felt strings tugging at his heart as her voice cracked. Why did he choose New York? A 944 mile drive away from his home? His family? From Rue? When making his decision, Rue was the last thing on his mind at the time. Mikey not allowing him to work at the family restaurant really fucked with Carmen’s nerves.

Lack of communication led to him believing that his brother thought he wasn’t good enough. So, Carmen figured “maybe if I go to this prestigious school and become the world’s greatest chef, he’ll think I’m good enough then.” 15 year old Carmen had made up his mind, everything else be damned. But, nothing would prepare him for the moment it came time to tell his best friend that he was leaving her.

“It’s the best culinary school in the state,” Rue felt sad. She felt fucking elated that Carmen was getting into the school of his dreams, but it being 14 hours away was breaking her heart. She didn’t want to make him feel bad or ruin this moment, but the way she could feel herself start to sweat was overwhelming.

Rue decided to drop it. She feared he would think she was clingy and she’d anger him. Rue willed her tears to dry and quickly smiled. “I’m so proud of you,” Rue was genuinely so proud of Carmen. She wanted nothing more than for him to succeed. If him succeeding meant she had to cheer him on from Chicago, then she’d do it proudly.

Carmen could feel the sadness radiating from Rue. He knew what she was doing. The switch from being on the verge of tears to smiling brightly, that was a reaction he’d seen far more than he liked. Being the reason wasn’t something he liked too much, either. But, when she said that she was proud of him, he believed her. He always believed her.

How are we feeling about it? Are the vibes impeccable? I’ve been wanting to make this a series also. And if this doesn’t get the kind of response I want and you actually do want to read it, then it will be posted on my Ao3 soon.

Here’s the link to my Ao3 profile!

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto angst #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #the bear #x reader #x black reader #carmen berzatto imagine #Carmen berzatto smut

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imaginingaustin · 1 year

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more "i love yous"

summary: when austin accepts a long distance job, without talking to you about it, an unfortunate spat breaks out.

requested by anonymous.

you were sitting down to lunch one afternoon, taking a break from the errands you’d been running all morning. you met up with a friend at a nearby restaurant, feeling good to finally sit down after being on your feet for the last few hours.

conversation quickly ensued once your friend met you, and once you placed your orders. after a while, the mood took a sharp turn.

“hey, so i heard about austin’s new project! working on location in chicago for this new film trilogy, that’s so cool.” they said to you. unfortunately to you, you had no idea what they were talking about.

“yeah, it is! im excited for him.” you lied through your teeth. you wanted to avoid any awkwardness during this lunch. you saved your anger and upset for when you saw him.

you and your friend ended up spending a few of hours at the restaurant, enjoying your food, drinks, and each other’s company.

later that evening, you avoided going home for as long as you could. you knew that austin had come over to your place, but you were so angry that he hadn’t let you in on a very important piece of information, you wish he had just stayed home.

you sat in your driveway, calming yourself down as much as possible before going inside. austin’s car was parked next to yours, so you knew he was waiting for you to come home.

you walked in the door, through the foyer, and to the kitchen. austin was sitting at the island, talking on his phone. he smiled at you, and you forced one back before turning away from him. you listened as he spoke, the sound of his voice causing you to wince at every syllable that left his mouth.

“yeah, i can do that. i’ll be there thursday morning.” he spoke into the phone. it sounded like he was planning something that he was probably going to forget to mention to you.

you stood against the counter, arms folded across your chest, staring at austin while you waited for him to finish his phone call. he locked eyes with you, and you watched his demeanor change. he sat up straight and you watched his muscles tense.

“hey, i’m gonna let you go. just text me the details.” he said before wishing whoever he was talking to a good night. he hung up the phone and set it down on the island before moving his attention back to you. “how was your day?” he asked softly.

“oh, just great. i got all my stuff done this morning, then had lunch with (F/N). you know, funnily enough, they told me an interesting piece of news about you that i hadn’t heard.” you said, your voice raising as you reached the end of your sentence.

“oh yeah? what’s that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“you took a job on a project based in chicago?” you asked. you watched as austin’s eyes widened. “yeah, when were you planning on letting me in on your great news?”

“i didn’t think it would actually happen. i wasn’t going to tell you until it was a for sure thing.” he said softly, avoiding your gaze.

“you didn’t think that maybe we should’ve talked about it beforehand, so we could figure out what to do if you did get the job? were you even going to tell me you were leaving, or was i just supposed to just try and make plans with you, only for you to decline and tell me that you were across the country?” you asked.

“i was going to tell you! i wanted to wait until i had all my ducks in a row until i did.”

“when do you leave?” you asked.

“next thursday. that was the phone call i was just on.” he said.

“next thursday? seems like your ducks were pretty much all in a row! i’d say it’s too late for me to take time off of work. but since you probably didn’t want me to go with you anyway, i guess that doesn’t matter.” you said.

“y/n, don’t say that.”

“say what? it must be true considering you didn’t even think to tell me about your leaving until a week before you’re supposed to go.” you spat. you turned to leave the kitchen, and heard austin get up from the island.

“y/n, wait.” you heard his voice call behind you. you rushed into your bedroom, but he caught up to you. he braced his arm across the door frame, blocking the entrance to your room.

"move." you said, attempting to push him out of the way.

"no, let's talk about this! let me explain myself.

“i’m done talking. i don’t want to hear anymore.” you said, finally pushing past him.

"y/n, please." he pouted, just before you slammed the door behind him. you pressed your back against the door, and slid down it, crying into your hands as you sat on the floor.

"go. away." you shoulder after austin's last plea for you to open the door.

you heard him move from the door, and you moved to your bed. you sat in silence for a while, not wanting to move. you laid down and stared up at the ceiling, thoughts racing around your brain. once your thoughts became too much to handle, you grabbed your phone off the nightstand and tapped your mom’s profile to call her.

“hey sweetie.” she said when she answered.

“hey mama.” you said quietly, a lump still prominent in your throat.

“uh oh, what’s wrong?” she asked you. you immediately started ranting to her about your situation with austin, and how you were feeling about it.

“i know we haven’t been together that long, but am i crazy for thinking he should’ve at least told me? more than a week before he hopped on a plane and traveled all the way across the country?” you asked her.

“no, you’re not crazy for thinking that. but maybe he thought that you wouldn’t have wanted to come anyway. like you said, you haven’t been together that long. maybe he doesn’t think that you’re ready to live on location with him just yet.”

“maybe.” you said softly.

“i really don’t think that he left you out of this to slight you. he cares about you, and i know you care about him too. but you get so hot headed sometimes, and you jump to expect the worst of people. even when they don’t have bad intentions.”

“i know.” you sighed. “i’m glad we talked, though. you always know what to say when i need to hear them the most.” you said. you thanked her and wished her a good night before hanging up.

you stood from your bed and took a deep breath before leaving your room. you opened the door and saw austin sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall right outside. he looked up at you when he heard the door open, sadness heavy in his eyes.

“hey.” he said softly as you squatted down next to him.

“we should talk.” you said, and he nodded. you both moved to the couch and fell into conversation. you began apologizing for your reaction, and for not allowing him to explain himself. austin apologized for not telling you about the job when he was first considering it, and not thinking about how his not telling you would make you feel.

“i really wasn’t sure if we were far enough along in this relationship for me to be asking you to come be on location with me when i have work based in other places.”

“that’s a fair assumption. but i still would like to be able to make the choice to go with you.” you said to him.

“i understand. i really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. i love and care about you so much, and i really want this relationship to work. i couldn’t live with myself if it didn’t work out between us due to a lack of communication on my part.” he said, pulling you into his arms, and hugging you tight.

“you love me?” you asked, looking up at him. he smiled down at you and nodded, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“i do. so much.” he said, pressing another kiss to your head. you rested your head on his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist and squeezing him tight.

“i love you too.” you said, nuzzling deeper into his chest. you sat there quietly for a few minutes, before you spoke again. “who would’ve thought our first fight would lead to us dropping the L word for first time.”

“here’s to less fights and more “i love yous” in the future.” he laughed.

“i can get behind that.”

#austin butler #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler imagine #austin butler fanfic #austin butler imagines #austin butler x reader

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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 2 years

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After a While

Summary: Steven is down. Don’t meet your heroes. Maybe don’t idolize your favorite stories either.

Warning: None

Word Count: 712

---

“Do they have gators where you’re from?” Steven flipped through a book without really paying attention to it.

“What? Chicago? No. No gators in Chicago.” Marc grinned to himself. He could only imagine the chaos of having a gator sauntering down the busy streets of Chicago.

“Have you ever seen one?” Steven closed his book and set it aside.

“I don’t think so. Saw a few of those little tiny ones when I was in South America. Kinda cute for a lizard.” He shrugged.

“Caimans.” Steven reached for another book and flipped it open to a random page. “Do you think gators or crocodiles are scarier?”

“Gators. I hear they’re angrier. Though crocodiles seem bigger. I don’t know. They seem the same to me.” Marc frowned as Steven absently flipped through this book too. “Why are you asking about gators? What’s on your mind, Steven?”

“Oh, nothing. Just making conversation.” Steven flipped through the book faster.

“Steven.” Marc frowned. Steven had a terrible poker face and was clearly thinking about something.

Steven let out the most exaggerated sigh that sounded like he was trying to deflate himself or mimic the tea pot.

Steven at last settled back. “I dreamed about going to Egypt. About seeing the tombs and pyramids. I loved the stories and mythologies. I’ve met the gods and out of them all, two of them were nice and the others…”

“Were absolute assholes?” Marc finished for him.

“They always say not to meet your heroes. I didn’t think that included mythologies and gods and… How can I keep being excited about something that nearly ruined your life and actually killed us?” Steven pushed the stack of books off the desk and sank down miserably.

“Ah.” Marc sighed and watched Steven bury his face into his arms for a moment. He wanted to ask Steven what that had to do with gators but then he thought about it. Everything Steven had once loved and enjoyed had proven to be based on bad things. “Ah…”

Marc took a moment then borrowed a hand to pick up a book and set it back down. “You called Ammit the creepy crocodile lady before. A boogie man. Wasn’t her job to devour souls and scare people into living a good worthy life?”

Steven watched his hand retrieve another book and stack it up. “Yeah.”

“And wasn’t Osiris murdered by his brother before he was brought back to life? All because he insulted his brother or something? Kinda a messed up family life.”

Steven nodded in agreement then blinked. “Hey. How’d you know all that?”

Marc flushed and shrugged. “I mean, I do listen to you. I don’t always know what it means, but I do listen.”

Steven sat up a little, a smile starting to form on his lips. “Thanks, Marc. That means a lot.”

Marc shrugged it off, embarrassed. “You know, Taweret wasn’t that bad. She was pretty nice. And Layla likes her a lot.”

Steven nodded. “She was far better than her stories made her out to be. And the Pyramids were still pretty cool! Even got to see killer mummies.”

Marc smiled. “See? Not so bad. I’d say even a little better, really.”

Steven paused. “Marc?”

“Yeah?” Marc took over, moving to pick up all the books and stack them back up on the desk for Steven.

“Is it okay? That I still say…You know… The Gator thing?” He asked softly, the smallest note of sadness and fear making his voice waiver.

Marc slowed and brushed off a book gently. He considered for a moment then nodded. “Yeah. It’s your phrase now, Steven. Make’s me think of you.”

Steven’s face broke out into a huge grin.

“Just don’t expect me to finish it.” Marc lined the books up carefully then sat back, giving Steven back control of the body.

“Oh, of course!” Steven nodded. “Gators are way better than crocodiles anyways.”

“Of course.” Marc still had no idea what the difference was.

“Do you think we can go see one someday?” Steven picked out a book and opened it eagerly, this time intending to read it.

“Sure. I’ll ask around and see if any zoos have some.” Marc smiled as Steven nodded then dove back into his book with full heart this time.

#Moon Knight fic #Moon Knight #Steven Grant #Marc Spector #MoonKnightober2022 #MKtober2022 #Gators Prompt #JFC I wrote this on 3 hours sleep #Off to a good start here I am #So excited to see everyone's prompts #It's so short #I'm not used to writing short things #this is so hard!

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maddieladner1999 · 7 months

Text

Bad idea right? Chapter 12

Ricky decided to meet Gina at her house. It’s been a while since they talked and well he may not need closure he still feels obligated to let Gina know it’s not her fault.

He walks up to Gina who’s smiling, and says “Hey G, long time huh?”

Gina just replies back “yeah well you’ve been busy with your boyfriend, so you wanted to talk?”

Ricky has his whole speech prepared, “yeah I did. Look I know we talked on the phone and you said you understood and were good but I still feel like I didn’t fully fill you in. I’m pretty sure I’ve liked EJ since I almost hit him in the face with a basketball. I didn’t know it yet but I figured it out eventually. Idk I guess I just didn’t want you to think it was your fault or that you did anything wrong. I liked you truly, I did but not like I liked EJ. Does that make sense?”

Gina surprised by Ricky’s speech responds, “yeah it does. And don’t worry I understand. I kinda suspected you weren’t all that in love with me anyway”

Ricky looks confused, “what do you mean?”

Gina finally tells Ricky, “I didn’t know it was EJ, I honestly thought maybe you still weren’t over Nini. But I knew it wasn’t love for you with me. You were great of course but I always felt like something was missing. I didn’t know what but I do now.”

Ricky happy to hear she’s happy responds, “so what was missing if you don’t mind me asking?”

Gina responds quickly, “I don’t really know how to explain it. You checked all the boxes but they still weren’t full. You weren’t in love with me. I guess it was love”

Ricky understanding, “yeah I get that with EJ. You found anybody else yet?”

Gina happily answers, “yes I have. And I’m happy you two are happy. I was surprised at first but you are so cute together.”

Ricky gushing from the compliment, “thanks. I’m happy you’re happy too. I’ll see ya around? I’m going to visit my mom in Chicago soon.”

Gina grabbing her stuff to leave says, “yeah I’ll be around. Bye”

Once Gina leaves Ricky decides to head home. He texts EJ to let him know that he’s home and filled him in on the conversation with Gina. He knows EJ worries Gina was mad at them but now he’s got more reassurance. EJ texts Ricky he’ll be there soon. It’s movie night.

EJ arrives shortly after and immediately takes his shoes and jacket off. It’s a bit hostile so Ricky looks all worried and says, “you ok there babe?”

EJ realizing his anger moment tells him, “yeah I’m fine just been a long day. What are we watching tonight?”

Ricky still concerned but not showing it responds, “I was thinking we could watch the new rom-com, red white and royal blue. It’s a gay movie so it’ll be fun!”

EJ smiling now from Ricky’s excitement says, “sounds great, do you mind if I shower first? I need to wash the day away”

Ricky noticing a few stains says, “yeah that’s fine.” And then as EJ walks by, “ok you literally smell like a pizza. And idk if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

EJ realizing his own odor too says, “doesn’t matter I’m washing it off. I’ll be back in 10 minutes”

Ricky responds a quick ok and gets movie night set up. He found the candy and popcorn which he’s waiting till he hears the shower turn off before popping so it’s still hot. As EJ comes down the stairs, the room wafting with popcorn he’s grinning out of his head with happiness.

EJ takes a moment to appreciate his very hot boyfriend before speaking, “candy, popcorn, and a gay rom-com? You know exactly how to swoop a guy off his feet don’t you?”

Ricky gushing and bringing over the popcorn replies, “only the best for my sexy boyfriend. Let’s press play yeah?”

EJ putting his arm around Ricky and grabbing a handful of popcorn says, “yeah let’s do it”

The boys go to bed after the movie ends and Mike tells them no sex again. They laugh as they go up the stairs before falling asleep while spooning. Good night.

#badidearight #ej caswell #caswen #bad idea right #high school musical the musical the series #hsmtmts #fanfiction

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eflen-n-reegee · 1 year

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Field Trip to the Field Museum II - Members Night (Chicago, IL)

Hi! I went to the museum members night way back in April, and I’ve been meaning to write this ever since; and I finally got around to it! As with the first part, this is a self-insert imagine fic where the reader is an age regresser and the author is their caregiver. All pictures were taken by me (with permission from museum staff to post online). Also, heads up, this includes pictures of dinosaur bones, taxidermied animals, deceased animals in preservatives, LOTS of mounted insects and bugs (ya gal Eflen loves bugs), and a brief instance of anxiety. (Long story short, I have OCD and bumping into some people upset me IRL, and I decided to incorporate it.) Also under the cut ‘cause it’s long. 😆

You excited, kiddo? We’re gonna get to see some pretty cool stuff, things we wouldn’t normally get to see! This is gonna be so fun! Oh, look at this, sweetheart. There are table all over the museum with cool little pins. Wanna see how many we can find? Alrighty! Let’s go in!

Ooh, look! Such a cool little dinosaur- you’re right, it’s a stegosaurs! You’re pretty smart, aren’t you, pumpkin?

Watch your fingers, sweetie, the crab might pinch them! You’re right, this one’s dead… But maybe I’m a crab! Pinch! Oh, you’re too big for that kind of stuff? Sorry kiddo, I’ll try to remember.

Oh, check out this thing! Know what it is? A giant isopod? So freaking cool. Do you know if they bite? I’d like to hold one!

Pretty great view, huh? Look, they’ve got a t-Rex puppet down there! We’ll try to see it up close later.

Holy cow! So people found out a while ago that platypuses glow under UV light, but they only found out recently that other animals do too! And even crazier? Scientists still don’t know why! Nature is nuts.

So there’s some kinda creepy stuff in here- Okay, okay, I got it. Just let me know if it’s too much, okay?

Whoa… So these animals were mutants for some reason… No, I don’t think anybody knows for sure why things like this happen.

Some animals can live really good lives, even with these kind of issues. But yeah, it’s a bummer when they don’t make it.

Jeez, it’s busy in here. Careful not to bump the bones, kiddo. Oh wow, look at this one! Came from a ground sloth… Can you believe how big they used to be?

Wow, look at these teeth! I wish I could take this one home, teeth are so cool.

Jeepers, what a skull…

Hey, what’s going on? Okay, deep breaths, sweetheart, deep breaths… Let’s go out in the hallway, okay?

Here, it’s quiet over here, you can sit down if you want- okay, you don’t have to. Can you tell me what’s wrong? Yeah, that room was pretty crowded, huh? I know you don’t like when people bump into you… What do you think will help you feel better? Yeah, when we get home you can take a bath- a shower, no problem. Is there anything else- No, sweetheart, I don’t think you’re being a baby. Everybody gets upset sometimes, and everybody cries sometimes. You’re still a big kid as long as you say you are. Okay? There you go. How about we take a break from the new stuff to look at the dinosaurs? Alright.

Looks like they brought a few new things in here… These bones are pretty cool, huh? I love how the gray and white looks. Why do you think it looks like that?

There’s a crowd around the table over here… Oh, it’s because they have pins. Do you want to wait here a second and I’ll get you a pin? No, I don’t mind. Okay, be back in a second.

So, how’re you feeling? Want to look at some of the stuff upstairs? Okay.

Oh, they’re talking about lichen in here- It’s not BORING! Look how cool these antlers look! You’d think they were tree branches if you didn’t know better.

Well, you can think what you like, but I think lichen is cool. … No, kiddo, I’m not angry. I’m just being silly. People like different things sometimes, it’s no big deal.

Oh, I didn’t know the museum had a library! No, they probably only have books about history and biology. But it’s always cool to see some new books, especially old books like that one, or- Oh!

Look at THIS! This book must be four feet across - at least! It’s massive! I’d love to look through the whole thing. What kinds of things would someone put in a book this big?

Oh, cool! They have a room just for bugs? Awesome! I wonder what ki- Walking sticks?! Oh my gosh, I didn’t know there were ones with wings!

Look how leafy that one is! Or… No, it’s not a real leaf. I thought maybe they stuck one in there to trick people.

Oh wow! Look how big these spiders are! I know some people are scared of them, but I think they’re amazing. And I’ve held a tarantula before - they’re very soft little critters.

Hm, I’m not sure I’d want to wear jewelry with bugs on it. That’s a little too much for me… I guess it works for other people, though, so it’s fine.

Oh my gosh, look at them! I wonder if bugs like these are where people got the idea of fairies. The one with the purple wings would definitely look like a fairy princess if you saw it from far away.

That reminds me, next year the seventeen-year cicada will be coming back to our area. They live underground for seventeen years, spend a couple weeks singing and laying eggs, and then they all die. Wild.

Ooh, some of these guys are creepy. I like scorpions, but they do scare me a little - and that’s good, since they can be dangerous. It’s smart to be at least a little afraid of dangerous things.

Holy cow, this big one looks like an owl! Yeah, if I’M getting freaked out, I bet all the predators are terrified.

Look at all the legs- Hey, I saw that! No, it was definitely a yawn. You getting tired? Yeah, I’m tired too. We’d better head out.

So, did you have a nice time? I’m glad. How’re you feeling? Yeah, you can still take a shower, no problem. Do you want to nap in the car and I’ll wake you when we get home? Okay.

Alright, all clean and ready for bed. Yeah, you got a pretty sweet set of buttons, huh? We’ll get some more for the collection next year.

~🦀~🦕~🫙~🦥~🦬~🐪~😢~🪵~📚~🕷️~💍~🦗~🦂~🌃~

#sfw age regression #sfw agere #age regression #agere #age regression field museum #age regression field trip #agere field trip #agere field museum #age regression museum #agere museum #age regression imagine #age regression fic #Eflen writes #Eflen Field Trips

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artificialqueens · 2 years

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Looking At The Lights (JeLa) - Divine

A/N: I’m back again with another Christmas fic! This time inspired by Looking At The Lights. I’ve been hoping for them to release it since hearing it live, and after a year its finally out, anyways enjoy this lil JeLa hurt/comfort. :) CW: mention of death

***

As daylight savings came to an end the one hour difference felt like hundreds, typically it didn’t bother DeLa, she’d always been the type to enjoy the holidays. Hell she usually pulled out her Christmas tree November 1st, only for Jinkx, her best friend to get her to compromise with the night of Thanksgiving, though she always managed to convince Jinkx to help her put it up early. So when DeLa didn’t call her the night of Halloween expressing her excitement for the upcoming jolly season, she was alarmed, though knowing DeLa was a lightweight she thought she might’ve drank herself into a deep slumber, but she didn’t get a call the next morning either, just a normal good morning text. Jinkx brought it upon herself to FaceTime her best friend, while it was ringing she’d remembered that her nana had passed about three years ago now, from eating mistletoe of all things, but DeLa hadn’t been the same since, hadn’t been as jolly, though she attempted to put on a front, Jinkx could tell she hadn't enjoyed it the same since, only putting up tree, not traveling back home and forcing Jinkx along to spend the holidays with her family. Teena and Jinkx had been going to her home instead. DeLa answered the phone completely ready for the day as usual at the early hour only, she didn't seem as bubbly as usual.

“Hey Dink.” She smiled, sipping her coffee.

“No Christmas decor recruitments this morning?” Jinkx questions. DeLa’s smile fades the smallest bit as she shakes her head.

“No, I think I’ll wait until December this year.”

“Well that’s not like you at all, you don’t want to drag me out to the mall to all those pop up christmas shops to buy new ornaments? No new seasonal bath and body works hauls? I was actually looking forward to it this year.”

“No.. well, not no, just not right now. I’m sure it’ll be fun when the time gets here though! Sorry to disappoint ya Dink-a-doo…”

Jinkx frowns a little and hums, it was so strange to see the life of the party, the biggest smile in the room, be so sad, it hurt, she loved DeLa, she was probably her favorite person, despite their bickering. She wanted to see her smile, and make her laugh, which was surprisingly hard to do considering DeLa was always so busy making other people laugh she tended to always just wear a smile on her face as she tried to think of her next joke to make Jinkx cackle.

“Are you okay with me coming over? I wanna get this whole thing kickstarted for ya.”

“I mean, I’m not doing anything, but I’d need to clean first-“

“Oh don’t stress about it, I'll help you.” Jinkx assured her, DeLa sighs, finally giving in.

“Alright… I’ll put on some tea or something for when you get here.”

“Okay, I’ll head over right away.” Jinkx says before smooching the phone.

After finishing their goodbyes, they both hung up. DeLa was so stressed decorating was honestly the last thing she wanted to think about. She didn’t know if losing her grandmother was the only thing dragging her down so much, but more so how much the loss was affecting everyone in her family, and how everyone was expecting her to be the light at the end of some sort of depressive tunnel. While she was happy she could provide that happiness for her family, but at the same time it made her feel as if she had to hide and shelter her own feelings for their sake.

Teena wasn’t very fond of their Nana, being the only goth in the family, moving to Chicago, refusing to follow their traditions and religion really pushed her away from them, so when she passed she was bummed but not necessarily devastated, but didn’t want to be around her family more than she had to be, she paid her respects at the funeral, but didn’t stick around for the family reunion afterwards, rather walked the neighborhood with her little sister, who was much more hurt than she was, to comfort her. Even then she expressed her fears of having to be the one to keep everyone in good spirits for the next few months or years.

Over time it had really started to work her down more through the holidays, the first year was awful, everyone was in tears, nothing felt the same, everything felt so out of order, it was so bad that DeLa announced she wouldn’t be coming home for next Christmas, that she’d rather spend it at her own home, her family didn’t appreciate her choice and called her selfish for not wanted to spend this special time of year with her family and loved ones, it hurt her to hear them all blow up on her like that, she’d never really been a negative center of attention before. She remembered having to gather her things and walk through the snow out to her car in tears with her sister and Jinkx on the phone, weeping about how she’d basically been fully isolated because of a single decision. The next two years she’d spent them at home, and didn’t feel up to it this year.

Jinkx arrived at DeLa’s cozy vintage house, and knocked on the door, after only a short moment the door opened and DeLa smiled up at her long time friend before pulling her into a tight hug. Jinkx smiles while hugging DeLa.

“Alright honey, let’s get you in the holiday spirit, but first I’ll help you clean up.” She says walking in with her arm wrapped around her shoulder.

DeLa’s messy was never actually messy, usually consisted of just putting things back in their place, not real mess, but she was a little surprised to see their was dishes that needed to be cleaned, shoes scattered across the living room and a few unpacked burlesque bags from shows, nothing terrible, just out of character. Jinkx plopped DeLa down on the couch before pushing the curtains open and began cleaning up, DeLa was embarrassed and felt bad, telling Jinkx she could do the cleaning and that it wasn’t the gingers responsibility, but Jinkx insisted, hair pulled up into a messy bun as she strolled around the house as if it were her own, she’d been there enough times that she knew it as well as her own home, she knew where everything went, where to find cleaning supplies. After loading up and starting the dishwasher she went over to DeLa who was curled up on the couch and was watching Jinkx’s every move.

“I'm gonna go put up these costumes and props, you go ahead and go get your Christmas stuff out of the basement okay? And we can decorate together.” Jinkx smiles.

DeLa nod before standing up, Jinkx’s smile fades a little, maybe her frowning a bit worried was dramatic, but she just wanted her best friend to be okay. She took the bags into the packed burlesque room and began sorting through them and placing them where they belonged, it took just as long as it took DeLa to haul up her large totes full of Christmas decorations. When she stepped out to the living room she saw DeLa now kneeling on the floor, looking through the totes slowly, perhaps looking too sad as she was sulking in the glitter so much that when Jinkx turned Christmas music on using Alexa she’d jumped.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Now let's see what we’ve got here. Shall we start with the tree or.. err everything else? You’ve got a process don’t you?” Jinkx questions.

DeLa thought for a moment before digging through a tote, mostly stockings, the tree skirt, other soft things, she pulled out a binder from the bottom, flipping it open revealing a list, trimmed in festive doodles, glued onto a piece of red construction paper, and laminated, Jinkx looked over her shoulder scanning the list..

SWITCH

-wall decor (replace fall decor for winter, hang stockings)

-rugs, pillows, blankets, etc

-figurines

-candles

-wallflowers

CHRISTMAS TREE TIME!!!!

-lights

-garland

-ornaments

-star

-tree skirt

OUTSIDE:

-“hang lights” (just plug them realistically those things never get taken down)

-put our lawn reindeer lights

-switch wreaths

-wrap stair banisters and rails with garland

“Hmm.. detailed list.” Jinkx says, honestly impressed.

“Thank you, I laminated it so I can just use a dry erase marker and reuse it every year.” She smiles, a genuine smile, warm and bright, making Jinkx smile in return.

“You’ve always been one smart cookie Dooley.” Jinkx wrapped her arm around her friend's shoulders. DeLa’s face twisted in displeasure to the nickname, but it was lighthearted.

“Thank you Dink.” She smiles resting her head against the ginger for a moment before looking back at the list. “I guess we should get started with the walls, hm? Gotta switch out the little pumpkins for little Christmas doohickeys and stockings.”

“Let’s get started then.”

—

It was an all day job, but alas, the house was decorated, the woodsy autumn smell had shifted to the smell of sweet sugar cookies and hits of pine. The two of them were exhausted and collapsed on the couch on top of each other, cuddling while looking at the work they’d done. It warmed DeLa’s heart to see her home festive again, but that song of sadness could still be felt deep in her chest as she thought about how happy she had been in past while setting all of this up, it felt like a chore half way through and the only reason she hadn’t given up was because Jinkx was by her side helping her through it.

Feeling like this honestly scared DeLa. She’d never been this sad before, she hated it, she just wanted to be happy again. She felt her eyes getting heavier as she was comforted by Jinkx’s sweet honeysuckle scent, wrapped up in blankets now, her thoughts were running a thousand miles a minute, but Jinkx being here somehow muffled all the mean and scary voices, soothing her with her presence.

Jinkx noticed DeLa falling asleep, though she was fighting it. Jinkx kisses her head, pulling her a bit closer, if it were possible. Letting the woman know she was there and it was okay if she wanted to sleep, she could tell that even through her drowsiness, she was still thinking about the entire world. She just wished she could switch them off for a day, let DeLa be DeLa. Once DeLa closed her eyes, Jinkx knew she’d be trapped for at least 30 minutes as DeLa was resting on top of her, she could deal with it though.

The remote being within arm’s reach helped, she reached over and flipped through a few options on Hulu, eventually settling on family guy, again, she always found herself coming back to the raunchy cartoon. She lost interest half way through an episode at some point and started scrolling through her phone, seeing a memory from this time a few years back. The two of them, in the same house, DeLa wearing a cute Christmas pinup dress matched with red stockings, on her tiptoes, not wearing heels to help her match the gingers height, holding mistletoe over their heads as she kissed Jinkx’s cheek who was smiling warmly with her arms around her friends waist. She remembered that day, it was more fun than she’d admit at the time but she remembered Ruby and Randy had both come over to help as well, the photo was Randy’s idea. She smiles down at the screen, she knew how much she adored DeLa, she wanted her heart. Brought her so much joy, she just hoped that she was able to start getting back into those happy spirits.

DeLa stirred a little, startling Jinkx, who looked down at her, DeLa stretched making a squeaking sound before opening her eyes looking at Jinkx confused. Jinkx giggles a little.

“You alright there?” She questions, booping her nose.

“Yeah.. when is it?” She questioned groggily, eyes closing again, before cracking into a smile when she heard Jinkx’s cackle.

“Same day, just a little later, you decorated your way into a small coma.” DeLa yawns as she attempts to say “oops.” and rests her head back where it previously was.

—

As the season continued, Jinkx was making sure to keep an extra close eye on DeLa as the season continued, making sure that if she wasn’t getting better, that she at least wasn’t getting worse. Taking her out for coffee, to look at Christmas lights, all of DeLa’s favorite things to do this time of year… it seemed to be working, but Jinkx knew DeLa was particularly good at hiding how she actually felt until she burst.

Most of the holiday season was over, yet DeLa hadn’t forced Jinkx into listening to any terrible Christmas covers of dogs or cats meowing and barking christmas songs. Jinkx knew it was time to actually sit down and talk to DeLa about the matter, regardless of what she tried to get DeLa to have some fun, it didn’t work. She’d invited her over for some coffee and festive movies since it was snowing outside at a violent speed, she expected for DeLa to get trapped here over the night, or would at least suggest she’d stay, for her own safety and comfort; they were cuddled up on the couch when she decided it was time to bring it up.

“DeLa..” Jinkx says softly, after placing her mug down. DeLa turns her head and hums in confusion. Seeing Jinkx’s expression she knew it was a serious matter.

“You’re so sad, I want to fix it, but I don’t know how. I need you to stop acting like you're okay and actually tell me what’s wrong. I don’t like when you’re like this.. I miss my happy ray of light.” Jinkx frowns, turning to face her friend.

“I-i..” DeLa pauses, seeing the concern in Jinkx’s eyes. Her lip quivered as she started sniffling, tears following shortly after. I wanna be happy… I really do, but I just can’t get past this feeling of dread, I miss when I was happy this time of year, waiting month after month to cover my house in lights and glitter, and to force you out into the snow to play around.. I really do, but I can’t bring myself to let go of this awful feeling that I don’t even really know what is! I’m so sad, and hurt and I can’t even place it, I’ve grieved my Nana enough to realize her wrongs while she was alive, my family is bitter but over it for the most part, it’s just ever since all that happened I feel like nothing but darkness comes with this time of year!” She spewed, Jinkx pulled her sobbing friend into her arms and squeezed her tight, but as if a poor situation couldn’t get worse the harsh winds of Portland stole any and all the physical light they had, this for some reason only made DeLa cry harder. “Even the universe is out to get me!” She weeped.

“Shh, baby it’s okay, hang on.” Jinkx says calmly, trying to sooth DeLa before getting up and going over to the fireplace full of candles and lighting them all before going around lights the loads of candles she has throughout her home. She then grabbed a few pillows and blankets, setting them up in front of the fireplace before dragging DeLa with her, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders before sitting next to her.

“DeLa. You mean the world to me, and I know you’re hurting and I’m sorry you don’t feel like yourself. I’m sorry I can’t take your sadness away, but denying it and pushing it down deeper isn’t going to make it go away, which I know how scary it can be. I’ve experienced this before, I wish you would’ve come to me about this sooner. I love you baby, I’ll always be here for you. There’s nothing you can do that will stop me from loving and supporting you, remember that okay? Now come here.” Jinkx opens her arms as DeLa scooted over, basically into her lap as she held her close.

“That really means a lot to me Dink, and makes me feel better about all of this.. not completely, but knowing you’re here beside me really helps..” She starts tearing up again and sniffles.

Jinkx smiles sympathetically before gently grabbing her face and kissing DeLa sweetly, not something they did often, this one felt different from others they’d had, but Jinkx liked the feeling, it was warmer, filled with love. Jinkx pulled away to rest her head against DeLa, surrounded by the darkness, looking at the lights.

#rpdr fanfiction #jela #bendelacreme #jinkx monsoon #hurt/comfort #fluff #holiday fic #lesbian au #divine #tw mentions of death #(please tell me if I've mis-tagged anything! -v)

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heavyhitterheaux · 2 years

Text

Keep My Wife's Name Out Your Mouth (NSFW 18+)

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: You better not ever disrespect Jackman’s wife in front of him

Synopsis: Jack is excited to be interviewed and go on one of his favorite late night talk shows. However, it takes an unexpected turn when you are brought up in the conversation and Jack has to let him know that disrespecting his wife is off limits.

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Requested by: the beautiful @badbihk 😘😘

DO NOT ENGAGE IF YOU ARE NOT 18+

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

“Babe, am I actually ready to go before you? That has to be a first. I think we should take a picture and document this for future reference.” You say looking at him in disbelief and he simply rolled his eyes.

“Baby, all I literally have to do is put my shoe on. I’m already dressed.”

“But, I was still ready before you! Both of my shoes are on!”

“Keep telling yourself that baby girl. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Jack replied while leaning down to kiss you as you stood up from the bed.

“Both of us are ready on time so Neelam can’t yell at us.”

“And she better know that this was probably a once in a lifetime thing too and not to get used to it.”

“HEY! I am not that bad!”

“You’re cute, so I’ll let it slide but you definitely are that bad. Have been since high school.”

You rolled your eyes before grabbing your phone and placing it in your back pocket ready to make your way downstairs with your husband.

Private Garden was in New York so all of you decided to tag along to Jack’s interview and simply stay backstage in the green room.

You admit Trevor Washington’s late night talk show was one of your favorites and always kept you entertained. You had never been interviewed by him yourself, but you were definitely open to the idea.

All of you were now settled backstage and Jack was due to go on within the next few minutes.

“I’m hungry!”

“Shloob! I thought you said you were going to get food before we left?”

“I was but then I saw this girl and I had to shoot my shot sooo that took up all of my time.”

“Pussy over food. I like the way you think Shloob.” You said while laughing.

“But I mean pussy technically is food since the whole phrase is eating her out.”

“NO LIES TOLD!”

“I want some pizza. We are in New York after all.”

“No, Chicago is better!” 2fo said while looking up at you in disbelief.

“It’s good, but way too much sauce!”

“The sauce is the best part!”

“Are yall really arguing over pizza?” Neelam asked as she shook her head.

“Yall need to stop because yall are making me hungrier than I was before.”

“We shouldn’t be long. Oh, what about a cheesesteak?”

“Nee, we are not in Philly so that’s a hard no.”

“It’s really not that far.”

“Nee, we are not driving this late at night just so your ass can get a cheesesteak. It’s going to take us like four hours!”

“Not if you drive!”

“You know what, she’s not telling any lies. I hate being in the car with you when you drive. I swear your ass be on two wheels instead of four.”

“But did you die?” You asked while rolling your eyes and waiting for an answer.

“Who taught you how to drive anyway!? I don’t see how you passed your driver’s test.”

“Jack did! And my sister!”

“Oh God.”

“He definitely failed at that shit. You don’t be obeying any type of traffic laws.”

“That can’t be because I actually feel safe when I ride with him.”

“And the fact that you got your license on the first try?”

“URBY! Tell them to stop picking on me!” You turned to Urban who was sitting beside you who was trying not to laugh.

“Uhh, you do kinda be hitting curbs and speeding mamas.”

“I don’t like you either.”

“That’s okay, Y/N, I’d ride with you any day.”

“Thanks Nee, because I am literally surrounded by a bunch of haters.”

“We not hating we’re telling the truth!”

“I still want a slice of pizza.”

“Shloob be patient, damn.”

The interview was underway and going smoothly. Trevor had been asking Jack about his album, tour, who he wanted to do songs with in the future and his favorite things to do to past the time when he's touring and going from city to city.

Then it took an unexpected turn when the conversation turned to you.

Jack loved talking about you any chance that he got, but this was definitely off limits.

"Be honest man, your wife freaky as hell isn't she?"

"Why the.... why are you asking me that?"

All of PG and Neelam had looks of disbelief as they were watching the scene unfold in the green room and you were left speechless and quickly became uncomfortable.

Yes, you would joke around about your sex life all the time with your husband but this just felt... weird.

"Please tell me he didn't just ask that." Quiiso said while looking dumbfounded.

"Jack is about to tear into his ass right now. Shloob send up a prayer on Trevor's behalf."

"Say less because you're exactly right."

They now turned their attention back to the screen to see how Jack was going to react.

At this point, he was clenching his fist and that infamous neck vein was poking out indicating he was now pissed off.

"Come on, we all wanna know. I would kill to have one night with your her."

"Not a chance in hell and you need to stop disrespecting her."

"But, I heard how you share her with your best friend Urban. I'd like a turn."

"And that's my business and not yours."

"Whoa Jack we're all friends here."

You were now extremely uncomfortable and Urban who was sitting closest to you looked on with wide eyes.

"Friends? My friends only show my wife respect which is the opposite of what you're doing right now. So keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth. And you need to stop disrespecting her in front of me. We're done."

It was dead silent and no one knew how to react to what had just happened.

Jack then got up pulling off the microphone that was clipped to him and storming backstage in the direction of the green room.

He stormed into the green room and promptly took your hand pulling you up off the couch while the rest of PG was taking in the scene in front of them.

"Babe..." You quietly said and he didn't even give you a chance to finish your sentence.

"We're leaving. NOW."

The car ride back to the hotel was quiet and awkward.

No one was trying to make eye contact with Jack and he was still fuming.

You were sitting next to your husband and was attempting to get him to calm down but he wasn't having it.

Every time you attempted to hold his hand, he would immediately move away from you and that definitely stung a little bit.

Shloob was the first one to break the silence and of course his mind was on something completely different than what had just happened.

"I'm still hungry, are we getting food?"

"Shloob not now!" Neelam scolded because she didn't want anyone saying anything else to piss Jack off even more.

She had seen in the past how he could get when he was pissed off and that one time she had seen it, it was directed at her for making you cry and hurting your feelings.

She definitely did not want a repeat of that happening tonight.

Once the two of you reached your hotel suite, you immediately reached for him again and he once again brushed you off.

“Baby, don’t.”

“But!”

“I’m not mad at you so please don’t think that. I just... I need a minute. I just can’t believe anyone would even disrespect you like that to my fucking face.”

“But you can’t let him get to you.”

“I should’ve kicked his ass right then and there. No one ever disrespects you like that.”

“But the last thing you want is to bring negative attention to yourself. I think I’ve done enough of that for the both of us.” You said muttering that last part referring to the multiple incidents with Anitta.

One thing about the Harlows is that they don’t play about each other and will tear your ass apart if you decide to get the stupid idea of disrespecting them in any way, shape, or form.

“At this point, I don’t fucking care because it has to deal with you and you know that the one thing I don’t fucking play about is my wife.” Jack was now pacing along the living room area of the suite and you were running out of ideas of how to get him to calm down.

“I know, but I’m going to need for you to calm down.” You said grabbing onto his hand and pulling him into a hug.

“I need to kick his ass, that’s the only thing at this point that will get me to calm down.”

“Let’s just sleep on it, babe. I promise you’ll feel better.”

“Nah, I need you and I’m frustrated. If you don’t want me to kick his ass then that’s the next best thing. I need to take my mind off of it.”

“That’s fine, but I’m seriously going to need for you to calm down. Your heart is literally racing a mile a minute because of how mad you are. And I’m scared as shit because I have literally never seen you so mad before and quite frankly I don’t want to ever again. You can’t let someone upset you that literally has no chance of taking your wife from you. You know that is never going to happen.”

“But why did he feel the need to say that anyway? Especially when that was my first time meeting him? He has no respect for women at all. I mean yes we joke about it all the time, but it was the way he said it that I didn’t like. You don’t know me well enough to be pulling that type of shit and even if he did, everyone around us knows better than to say some shit like that outta their mouths.”

“If I did have to post your bail, me and PG would make shirts that say free Lil Jack Jack.” You said attempting to get your husband to laugh and being satisfied once you had succeeded.

You were still laying your head against his chest and sure enough every since you caught him in your embrace, his heartbeat started to slow down to a normal pace.

You had a hell of an effect on your husband to be able to calm him down in less than thirty seconds.

“You can’t take anything serious can you?” Jack asked while looking down at you and laughing.

“Actually that’s you. I can take plenty of things seriously but I wanted to make my husband laugh and I succeeded.”

“That you did.” Jack said leaning down to kiss you.

“Hmm, besides...”

“Besides, what mamas?”

“He has literally a 0% chance of ever getting that close to me. I heard his dick was small anyway.”

“Wait... how in the world do you know that?”

“SZA fucked him and told us in the group chat. She said 0 out of 5 stars would not recommend and she literally blocked him as soon as she got downstairs in her car. So, you have nothing to worry about.”

“What else goes on in this group chat that I don’t know about?”

“Aht aht! I let it slide because it’s relevant to the situation. Bad bitches only.”

“Hmm, I guess I can let that slide for now.”

“Good, so are you better now?”

“I am, thank you baby.” Jack smiled down at you before kissing your nose and bringing you back into his chest.

“You’re welcome. Anything for you. I just knew you were about to punch him. I was actually waiting for it. You’ve been around me too long so I know my violent tendencies have rubbed off on you a little bit.”

“I was literally so close to doing it but then I could see it now, you would have been running from backstage to jump in and you would have wanted to beat his ass yourself for disrespecting you.”

“You know your wife well, Jackman. No lies told. But...”

“But, what?”

“You’re wearing way too many clothes for my liking.” You said stepping away from him and immediately pulling your shirt over your head. The cool air in the hotel room instantly making your nipples hard and Jack’s mouth instantly watered and you laughed at his facial expression.

“You know every time I do that, you make the same facial expression.”

“Can you blame me? My wife is fine as fuck.”

“Hmm, Jackman, clothes off NOW.”

You simply walked away from him in the direction of the bedroom and he was following close behind you discarding his clothes as he went.

He locked the door behind the two of you and you simply smirked at him.

“Lay down.” You said as you were now discarding the rest of your clothes and throwing them far away from you.

Jack had listened to your directions and he was simply waiting patiently for you as his hands were behind his head.

You slowly climbed on top of him and took in the sight of his precum leaking out and you immediately smirked before taking one long lick with Jack instantly hissing and moving his left hand towards your head to pull you down further.

You were moving him in and out of your mouth at a quick pace when you suddenly had gotten a better idea.

You could tell that his erection was almost painful from how much he was hissing at a simple touch from you and decided the best and the quickest way for him to get some type of relief is if you rode him.

Once you released him from your mouth, he had an instant attitude and rolled his eyes.

“Babe, what the actual fuck? Get your mouth back on my dick now.”

“Be patient, baby and stop whining and lose the fucking attitude because I’ll make you use your hand.”

Jack threw his head back in frustration but was trying to be patient and listen to directions.

“Come on mamas, this shit is starting to fucking hurt and imma be mad as hell if you make me get blue balls.”

“Like that will ever happen.”

“It might if you don’t bring your ass on.”

You instantly rolled your eyes before you moved further up his body and lined himself up with your entrance and slowly guided yourself down instantly hearing moans coming from the both of you.

“Fuckkkkkk! Shit you feel so good.” Jack’s hands immediately went to your hips in order to help guide you as you placed your hands on his stomach.

Sure enough when you found a rhythm that was satisfying enough for the both of you, you increased your pace earning loud moans erupting from your husband’s mouth as well as yours.

“Oh fuck baby. Got damn it!”

All he received in return was whimpers from you as you were focusing on the task at hand.

“Slow down mamas, fuck. I’m about to bust right now if you keep going.”

“That’s the entire point, baby.” You responded while giggling.

One of the greatest sights you loved witnessing was him coming completely undone underneath of you.

“I know but shiiiiiit.”

“I can tell you’re almost there, aren’t you daddy?”

“Fuck, I’m about to tear your ass up for this shit.”

“Hmm, I can’t wait until you do.”

All it took was you increasing your pace a tiny bit more and Jack immediately pushed you off of him with his cum releasing all over your upper body covering your boobs, your stomach, as well as your neck.

“You came a little bit too close to my hair that time, work on your fucking aim.” You said as you rolled your eyes and began to run your fingers across your stomach and chest before placing them in your mouth and Jack instantly becoming hard again at the sight.

“Next time I’ll do it on your face now come here and sit on mine. I need to see that pretty pussy of yours.”

“I need to get the rest of this off of me first.” You said while attempting to get up, but Jack immediately held your hips in place so that you wouldn’t be able to move and you got a confused look on your face.

“Uh, babe?”

“I want every last drop running down your throat. You’re not wiping off shit with a towel. Get to it.”

You smirked and did as you were told, once Jack was satisfied with how much you had gotten off of you, he grabbed your thighs and moved you upward so that you were sitting directly above his mouth.

“You better be a good girl and not be squirming and shit.”

“I won’t.”

“You say that shit every single time and do it anyway.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Stay fucking still.”

You immediately gasped when he took one long lick and he knew to hold your thighs tighter.

“See? You already starting and I barely did anything.”

“Will you fucking hurry up already?!”

“Don’t rush me, mamas or I’ll stop.”

“No you won’t.”

“Are you fucking testing me, Mrs. Harlow?”

Jack’s voice had went an octave lower and he peeked out from under you to look at you and make sure that he had heard you right.

“Umm....”

“Okay, imma remember that shit. Just wait until I’m finished eating you out.”

From that moment forward, Jack literally showed you no mercy.

His hold on you was so tight that you had no choice but to sit there and take it.

You were literally almost in tears because of how good it felt and you had lost count of how many times he had made you cum.

“Babe... I... I... can’t....” You said pleading with your husband to give you a chance to recover before going back in.

“Trust me, you can. Stay still.”

From then on Jack began to suck on your clit and it was all she wrote as you felt a wave of liquid release from you covering his face.

“Damn, mamas. I ate you so good and the last thing I expected was for you to squirt all over me.”

You didn’t even answer him as you were trying to recover and he simply moved you to the side of him so that you could catch your breath.

Not even a minute later, Jack was pulling you up to position you on all fours.

“Jackkkkk.” You whined as you rested your head on top of your arms that were folded underneath you.

“You got one more time to call me the wrong name. Act like you got some damn sense.”

“But....”

“One more, baby you can give me one more.”

“You literally said that the last four times when I was sitting on your face.”

“I don’t see the problem.” Jack responded as he slowly slid into you from behind and you instantly moaning.

“You over here complaining but taking that shit just fine.”

Hmm, two can play that game.

When Jack least expected it, you clenched around him and you noticed that it caught him off guard because his pace instantly slowed.

“Stop clenching me like that mamas, fuck.”

“You can take it daddy.”

“I’m tired of you getting smart with me.”

“Then teach me a lesson.”

Liked by y/ninsta, privategarden, urbanwyatt, neelamthadhani, saweetie, sza, and 4,278,901 others

jackharlow: one thing you not about to do is disrespect Mrs. Harlow in front of me, so take this as a warning because the next time I won’t be so nice

2forwoyne: I just knew you were about to beat his ass

druski2funny: 2forwoyne me too because he been around y/ninsta too long and I know some of that violence done rubbed off of him

y/ninsta: druski2funny I said the exact same thing lmao 😭😭

sza: lil dick energy

y/insta: sza STOPPPPPP lmao

sza: y/ninsta I warned you

y/ninsta: that you did lol

saweetie: I’m surprised y/n wasn’t waiting outside for him to jump him

y/ninsta: saweetie I would’ve but as mad as jackharlow was he would’ve handled it for the both of us

y/ninsta: jackharlow love the way you protect me, gets me hot and bothered and shit

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta what doesn’t get you hot and bothered at this point?

jackharlow: y/ninsta we just got finished, but if you’re up for another round....

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt be gone thot! jackharlow feed me and I’ll be ready

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta HEY!

jackharlow: y/ninsta shit imma feed you this dick 😏

y/ninsta: he ain’t eat it right if he didn’t have to change the sheets! 🥰

normani: y/ninsta how many sheet changes have yall gone through?

y/ninsta: normani uhh tonight? four 🙈

neelamthadhani: y/ninsta jackharlow is that why housekeeping keeps coming up to the floor?!?! jackharlow GET OFF OF HER LIKE GOT DAMN

jackharlow: neelamthadhani not a chance in hell oh and giveon and trevorwashington take notes because I don’t play that shit. my wife is off limits.

dualipa: jackharlow even for me?

jackharlow: dualipa especially for you. bye. about to eat my wife out.

dualipa: jackharlow LET ME WATCH!

jackharlow: dualipa can’t hear you over all this pussy juice I’m drowning in byeeee

dualipa: jackharlow 🙄

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#jack harlow #jack harlow fic #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow fanfiction #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow angst #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow x you

472 notes · View notes

cafeacademia · 3 years

Text

𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Spencer always walks his best friend home whenever he can, especially knowing that she has anxiety and is afraid of going home alone at night. On their way home they get separated but Spencer is right there to protect her.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Mentions of anxiety and some mild descriptions, a persistent guy, some harassment but it doesn't go far, protective Spencer, reader is all shaken up and scared, lots and lots and LOADS of fluff, friends to lovers, gentle slow romance vibes, some moments of confident Spencer.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: approx 4.4k

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Hello! This is a repost, I originally posted this on my second blog. This is my second Spencer fic, hopefully this is still good despite making him a bit more confident compared to my last one. I hope you enjoy, feedback is always appreciated! Thank you for reading!

Spencer was just glad to be home. The case they had worked in Chicago had been tiring, to say the least, but now they had arrived back in Quantico, Spencer was eager to catch up with one of the two people he shared the team with but didn’t always get to see regularly.

“You want to come out with us tonight Spence?” Morgan asked as he organised his bag, collecting a few things from his desk. Shaking his head, Spencer frowned as he pulled his jumper over his shirt. “I don’t think I will, I’m too tired after the flight.” He made up an excuse on the spot, adjusting his jumper and picking at the sleeves until they were settled comfortably on his arms before he picked up his coat. “Alright, could just tell me the truth though.” Derek teased, earning an unimpressed stare from Spencer. With a sigh, Spencer pulled his coat on and settled it on his shoulders.

“There’s someone I need to go and find,” Spencer admitted. “Ooh, is it a lady?” But Spencer was far too wise to Derek’s teasing by now and didn’t humour him with much of a response. “I’ll see you next week.” And with that, Spencer picked up his bag, slung it over his shoulder and then grabbed the two cups of coffee he’d put on his desk while he had been getting ready to leave.

Getting your jacket and scarf on, you realised how tired you felt from staring at screens nearly non-stop for the last few days. The case the team had worked on had a lot of intricate bits and pieces to put together and you and Penelope had worked tirelessly until it was over, only now you were exhausted from it all and excited to take a well-earned break over the weekend so you could sleep and rest your head from the migraine that threatened to settle on top of you.

“Hey,” Spencer’s voice filled your office, breaking the silence over the hum of your pc. His voice was welcomed, soothing even, especially with the softer tone he used when he spoke to you. You turned to face him, a smile on your lips when you saw him in the doorway, alive and well, cheeks slightly pink from the warmth of wearing his jacket inside of the office, hair swept back and a little messy and features so warm and welcoming to look up at. “Spence.” You grinned and without even thinking, you abandoned your bag on your seat and crossed the room to hug him tightly around the middle.

He attempted to hug you back, but could only hold you so much while also holding two cups of coffee in his hands.

“I brought you some coffee for the way home.” He told you, holding one cup out for you.

“You didn’t need to do that Spence.” You pouted up at him, a softness in your eyes when you met his gaze almost melted Spencer.

“It’s okay, I got a free extra coffee since I finished another line of stamps on my loyalty card.” It was a lie. He finished that loyalty card a week ago and forgot to hand it in and get another fresh one. But he knew you would accept his offering of coffee more easily if you thought he hadn’t spent anything on you.

Letting out a little sigh, you smiled and nodded as you gently took the cup from him and brought it up to your nose to breathe in the warm scent of coffee.

“Thank you.” You hummed out, failing to notice the way Spencer’s smile widened at the sight of you getting all flustered at the simple act of him giving you a coffee.

Of course, it was already eight at night, perhaps not the time for coffee but it was the best time, right after a gruelling case, one that had tired you to the bones to drink a nice hot, comforting cup of coffee and let yourself be still, just for a minute.

“Come on, let’s head home. Don’t forget to turn your computer off.” Spencer reminded you, having noticed the way your mind had purely focused on the coffee and you would have gladly walked out of the office leaving your computer on and your bag on your office chair.

“I’ve got your bag.” He said, picking it up off the chair as you leaned over your desk to turn your computer off and switch off all of your monitors before quickly piling up all of your paper notes and dusting them off the desk and into your drawer before you turned and took your bag

from him.

“It’s cold tonight,” Spencer noted as you both stepped out of the office.

“We had a bit of a cold snap the other day, it’s supposed to last a while longer.” You told him as you walked down the steps from the office, sipping your coffee as you went.

“I think it might snow tonight, the sky looked a little yellow before the sunset.” You went on, Spencer nodding as he listened to you talk. He listened as you walked down the road towards the subway station, content to just listen as you told him the things that had happened during the last few days that he had been away. He laughed softly as you told him about a conversation you’d had with Penelope late the previous evening, a joke coming to mind about something you had said to her.

When you approached the steps down into the subway, you quickly linked arms with him, your hand resting on his arm, fingers trailing over the soft wool texture of his brown trench coat as you stepped down into the station with him, Spencer pulling you closer to him to keep you from getting separated on the way down in the crowd.

“I missed this. You.” Spencer said suddenly as you stepped out onto the subway platform, your coffee cup coming to a standstill mid-sip before you pulled it away from your lips and looked up at him with a softness in your gaze that made Spencer want to kiss you right there and then.

“You missed me?” You asked shyly, almost afraid you had misheard him.

“Of course I missed you.” Spencer smiled, chuckling softly at the way you so obviously became flustered at his words, unable to contain how soft he had made you feel and you moved from one foot to the other, a very sweet smile on your lips that told him just how much you had loved to hear those words from him.

“I always miss you.” He added quietly and you weren’t sure if he was speaking to himself or you with the way that he looked down at his coffee as he said those words.

“I missed you too.” You admitted, revelling in the way that Spencer smiled down at you so brightly, so genuinely upon hearing your response.

This was what you always missed when Spencer was away from Quantico. You missed his company, his science rambles, his gentle admittance of feelings and thoughts when it was just the two of you. You missed going home together, taking the subway together and feeling someone you trusted and loved right next to you, to make the journey in a crowded, overwhelming space that much less scary to you than it was when you were alone.

You missed the feeling of his presence next to you, warm and soft, the texture of his jumpers and coats when you inevitably sunk against his side, holding onto him when the train was packed or the exit from the station was too crowded for your comfort.

And sometimes, occasionally, if you were really lucky, Spencer would hold your hand. He’d only done it twice. Once because he’d been afraid that the person who was fast approaching you was about to do something that would surely scare you, so he’d gripped your hand in his and gently pulled you against his side, fingers linking together with the soft touch of his skin against yours.

And the other time was one evening, you had walked home after a case had shaken you both and the comfort of holding hands was something you had both needed at that moment.

Finishing off your coffee, you dropped the cup into a bin on the platform as you watched your train speed in and come to a quick stop in front of you both.

Following Spencer, you kept close to him as he walked you both onto the train. It was busy, too busy for your liking, but he knew that which was why he was quick to gently pull you against his side and hold you close as the train grew heavy with chatter and shuffling footsteps. The doors slid shut with a thump, the wheels squeaking on the rails as the hum of the train intensified, pulling the train up to speed and pulling you all into the darkness of the tunnel.

But you felt safe, leaning against Spencer, the warmth of his presence surrounding you, his arm holding you in place against his side. You breathed in the scent of his woody,

warm cologne, the smell of coffee still lingering on him.

He smelled warm, he felt warm and you realised in that moment, despite the bustle around you and the overwhelming noise of the people in the same carriage as you both, Spencer brought you a sense of peace.

He quieted the chatter, brought an air of security to you that you couldn’t find anywhere else. His soft words brought you comfort, the way he touched you, held you in those moments grounded you. And you realised, like the many times before this moment, that you loved Spencer.

But maybe it was more than the type of love shared between good friends. Perhaps what you felt was something more. And that was okay. Maybe one day, those feelings would flourish and grow into something beautiful and flower with such delicate petals. But for now, you were content to remain as friends, to allow your love for Spencer to gently bud and grow at its own pace.

You rested like that, against Spencer for the rest of the journey. Your head felt less clouded, less exhausted and as if the onset of a migraine was bearing down on you, no, now you felt at ease and sleepy, but in the best way.

“This is our stop.” Spencer reminded you, noticing that you were concentrating more on your thoughts than your surroundings. But that was why he liked taking you home, so you didn’t have to worry about being afraid, being alone at night. He could take you home, take the fear away and bring you back safely and know that you were home and happy.

Holding onto you, Spencer worked his way through the crowd when the doors opened, helping you off the train and onto the platform. The silence of the calm had left you now, despite Spencer’s presence because the people around you seemed to be louder than before. Shouting and laughing at the volume of three individuals, pushing and shoving through the small station halls.

It was too much. It was overwhelming. But it was alright because right as you were about to trap yourself in a sea of overwhelmed thoughts, Spencer brought the calm back again.

“Hey, we’re almost out, just gotta get up the steps and then we can walk home.” He reminded you. And he was right. Just up those stairs ahead of you was the exit. You could feel the cold air from the street against your face as you began to climb the steps, feeling the cold breeze against your features but you welcomed the chill, staving off the stuffy, overwhelming feeling of being in the subway.

You turned to Spencer, parting your lips to speak, but as you did, a group coming up from behind pushed in between the pair of you, forcing you apart as they all wound their way up the stairs and through the crowd.

The gap between you filled with people, none of which were Spencer and you breathed in another gulp of cold as you climbed the stairs. You would just have to wait until you got to the top, Spencer would wait for you if he got there first, you knew he would.

But as you reached the top, lungs full of crisp, nighttime winter air, you were pulled aside from the crowd.

You felt relief wash over you, Spencer had found you and pulled you away from all of those people. But then you realised, that grip was not like his.

Looking down, you saw a black coat sleeve and hands that did not resemble Spencers. Casting a glance upwards, you saw a man who looked a similar age to you, a smile that did not seem genuine twisted onto his lips and his hand seemed to grip you much tighter.

“What are you doing?” You could barely get the words out, trying to pull away from him, but his grip was too tight for you to escape. You felt a horrible sense of dread overcome you, the peace that had settled in you was gone now, the migraine was looming over you and the most horrible pit in your stomach turned and knotted in its place, making you feel uneasy and sick as you tried again to pull your arm away from the stranger.

“Let’s go somewhere quiet.” He spoke, voice low and you could almost feel the lie on his breath as it hit your cheek, his face far too close to your own for comfort.

“Let me go.” You tried to sound demanding, to sound

confident, but it came out meek and quiet and scared. You heard your words wobble as they left your lips, the pit in your stomach intensified as you tried again to pull away from him, yanking your arm back towards you, but he kept you in place, a bruising grip tightening further on your forearm.

“There you are, baby.”

And suddenly everything felt okay again, relief flooded through you, like watercolours flowing over textured paper, sinking in and painting something soothing over the surface. Spencer was here.

“Get your hands off my girlfriend.” He asserted, a streak of confidence overcoming him as he approached the stranger.

Girlfriend.

If it had been any other situation, you might have swooned, giggled and been unable to stand still in your flustered state. But now, here, you were stuck, fear gripping you as tight as the man in front of you was.

Unmoving and solid.

“We’re just talking.” The man deflected.

You wanted to say something, to speak up, but the words would not come. Your lips parted, breath drawn in, but nothing would come, no words, no exhale, nothing. You were too scared.

But in a moment of absolute desperation to get you out of that situation, Spencer reached into his pocket, pulled out his ID and flashed the stranger with his FBI badge.

“I’m a federal agent, either you let her go or I’ll have you arrested for harassment.”

And just like that, without any further attempts, he let go of you and backed off before turning away and disappearing down the street.

The breath you let out was shaky, your arm hurt from his grip and your eyes ached from the tears that threatened to spill.

You never knew what to do in these situations, you never knew how to respond, if you should even respond and how to get away from the person doing it to you.

You might’ve been FBI, but that certainly did not mean that you knew how to handle these situations when the part of the work you were used to involved computers rather than people.

“You’re okay sweetheart, I’m here now.” Spencer’s soft voice soothed you, arms closing around you, pulling you close, letting you melt against his chest.

“It’s alright, you’re safe.” And you believed him, allowing yourself to sink into his embrace, feeling the way he held you so tight, his lips pressing a gentle, comforting kiss to the top of your head and he soothed you.

“Did he hurt you?” He asked softly, voice careful and gentle as he leaned back to look down at you, but not making you move away from him if you weren’t ready to part from him yet.

“A little.” You whispered, your voice or lack thereof was enough to tell him that you were crying or at least trying hard not to.

“Let it out, baby. It’s alright, he’s gone, he can’t hurt you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

You wanted to tell Spencer that he didn’t need to apologise, that you getting separated on the stairs wasn’t his fault and neither was not being able to find you when there was such a big crowd at the top of the stairs to wade through in order to find you, but your voice failed you, only coming out in a little sob.

Spencer calmed you down slowly, holding you tightly and pressing kisses to your forehead now and again until he felt the tense feeling in your arms around him slowly relax until you had fully melted against him, pliant and comfortable and safe in his arms.

“Let’s get you home and warmed up, I can’t tell if you’re shaking because of anxiety or the cold.” And truth be told, it was a bit of both, but when you thought about it, you were pretty sure that Spencer knew that was the case.

The entire walk home, albeit, it was not a long one, you clung to Spencer. He didn’t seem to mind though, keeping you tucked against his side, his arm around you keeping you secure against him. And when he felt you shaking halfway to your apartment, he insisted on taking his scarf off and draping it around you just in case you were cold.

But what seemed to carry some weight with you on the walk home was that there was no well-measured scientific remark, no rambling from Spencer at all. He was so focused on making sure you were home and safe and

felt okay that he barely had room in his head to think of anything else to say.

“Will you come upstairs with me? Please?” You asked as you approached your building.

“Of course, if you want me to, I'll come with you.” Spencer agreed, allowing you to enter the building first and following you in.

You still held onto his hand as you made your way into the building and up to your apartment. Despite being indoors, away from nearly everyone, you still felt uneasy.

Spencer tried to soothe you as you rummaged in your pocket for your key, his hand gently rubbing your back as you shakily pulled the key free from your jacket pocket.

“Let me,” Spencer spoke softly, gently taking the key from you and leaning over to unlock the door for you.

Stepping inside, you were relieved to breathe in the scent of your home, to feel the warmth against your skin and finally feel like you were fully safe again.

Flicking on the light, Spencer looked around your apartment. It wasn’t the first time he had been here, he’d been over a few times before, mostly for movie nights on your days off, but this time almost felt more personal, more vulnerable and he was glad that you felt safe enough to invite him into your home when you were still feeling the effects of your anxiety.

“Let me see your arm, sweetheart,” Spencer spoke. It wasn’t a question and you knew that, though he didn’t say it in a demanding way either. It was soft, delicate and careful and if you truly had refused you knew he would have backed off.

“Okay.” It came out as a whisper as you shrugged your coat off and untangled yourself from both Spencer’s scarf and your own.

You held out your arm for him to see and carefully, so gently, Spencer pushed your jumper sleeve up to inspect your arm. His touch was warm and soft against your arm, so careful not to hurt you as he examined you slowly.

“I think you’re okay, maybe some bruising will come up, but it seems alright.” He told you. “If you get any bruises, message me and I’ll bring over something to help.”

“Can I make you some tea? Do you have everything you need?” He asked.

You were tempted to ask him to stay because really that’s the only thing you wanted. But you knew that was far too forward of you to ask and you could barely get out a simple answer, let alone pluck up the courage to ask him to stay the night.

“Some tea would be nice.” You agreed.

“I’m so sorry.” You mumbled, approaching him slowly as he stood in your little kitchen, moving around to fill the kettle with water before putting it back on its stand and setting it to boil.

“What are you sorry about, sweetheart? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Spencer asked, turning around to gently take hold of your arms.

“I’m a federal agent, I should be able to protect myself.” You replied, too afraid to look him in the eyes.

“Please don’t say that, that’s what I’m here for. I’m the field agent out of the two of us, I will always protect you.”

The thought crossed your mind, a thought you didn’t like that had manifested itself in your head, selfish and likely unrequited.

But Spencer saw it as if the thought crossed your features as well as your mind, he read it as if you had written it across your skin, in your eyes for him to see.

“What is it?” He asked softly, but he could tell before you did it that you would recoil, too afraid to say it out loud. Finally, after a moment of internal debate, you surprised yourself and spoke.

“What if,” you paused, chancing a glance up at your best friend, his eyes filled with concern, brows knitted together in a worried frown. “What if I always want that with you? Always want this but maybe,” you paused again, trying to find your words but your mind swam with so many thoughts.

“More?” He offered the word, soft, quiet so as not to interrupt your train of thought, but you nodded, again too shy to look up at him and Spencer knew.

“More.” You agreed in a whisper.

There was a pause, a silence that blanketed you both as the kettle simmered down from boiling. The silence was not stifling however, it was comfortable and soft. You felt his gaze on you, but in

a way that you knew he was thinking, mulling over your words, taking his time to work out what he wanted to say.

“I want more of us too.” Spencer finally spoke, his voice soft and kind. You couldn’t help it then, you looked up at him suddenly, eyes wide and full of something that Spencer discerned to be a mix of anticipation and love.

He reached up, the backs of his fingers brushing softly against your cheek while his other hand found its way between your fingers, intertwining you, bringing you closer, forming a physical bond between you as he leaned in, lips so close that his breath, warm and coffee scented brushed softly against you.

You closed the gap, eyes hooded until they closed from the feeling of his lips pressing gently against yours. Spencer hummed, low and heavy as he kissed you, it was slow and warm and everything you had imagined a kiss from Spencer to be.

He parted from you, hands moving up to hold you against his chest, eyes meeting yours in a deep, loving gaze.

“Let’s work this all out tomorrow,” Spencer spoke softly. “Maybe I can take you out for lunch?” He asked.

“I would love that.” You smiled sweetly, finally fully relaxed and Spencer was happy to see you that way.

“Good, I’ll let you get some rest, we’ve had a long few days and I think you must be exhausted.” He didn’t mention it, but you knew he was talking about the encounter earlier, about how the anxiety would have exhausted you and he was right. You felt drained, but at the same time, Spencer made you feel so wonderfully warm and safe and happy.

Quickly, Spencer finished making you some tea, handed you the warm cup and gathered his things.

“Spence,” His movements paused as he lifted his bag. “Thank you, really so much.” You smiled sweetly up at him.

“I would do anything for you, sweetheart.” He grinned, leaning over to press a kiss to your cheek.

He watched as you became flustered under his gaze, it made him smile and chuckle softly at your reaction and it made him want to kiss you all over again until you were both breathless. But tonight was not the time for that, you had been through enough and now you needed to rest.

He moved to the door, his hand on the handle ready to go, but he paused.

“Sure you’ll be alright?” Spencer asked, earning a little nod in response.

“I will now, I think.” You replied.

“One more thing,” He turned to face you completely. “Promise me that when I’m away on a case, you’ll call me to tell me when you get home and that you're safe.”

Your smile softened, eyes warm as you looked up at him, nodding. “I promise.”

“Good girl.” He grinned, leaning over to press one last kiss to your cheek. “I’ll come and pick you up before lunch tomorrow for our little date.” He told you, saying one last goodbye before he left your apartment and closed the door behind him.

You were beyond grateful for him being there that evening, for getting you out of that situation so quickly and getting you home and calmed down so fast.

And maybe you couldn’t quite believe that Spencer, your best friend who had so slowly opened up and become more confident around you, had kissed you and asked you out on a date.

You were in love, it had budded, but now it was growing and soon to blossom.

@magicchai

#spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer x reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #dr spencer reid x reader #spencer x you #spencer x y/n #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine

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study-coffee-chicago · 3 years

Text

Overprotective (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister! Imagine)

A/N: This was a request from an anon who wanted overprotective Jay and Will and angst and fluff! So, I hope I did your request justice!

Thanks for reading! Remember to like/reblog and comment! I love reading your comments because they put a smile on my face!

Thunderstorm (age 7)

It had been six months since your mom died. Jay was back from his second deployment and was now a police officer and Will was in New York for what you called doctor school. And your dad, well he was here in Chicago with you physically, but not mentally.

You whimpered as you hugged your teddy bear--whom you had affectionately named Officer Chuckles after you heard someone call Jay that at a picnic for police and their families--tight to your chest. The thunder was really loud and you swore it was shaking the house. And, to make matters worse, your dad wasn't here; he had left his seven-year-old daughter alone at home, during a thunderstorm, at 11:30 at night.

Your mom had loved thunderstorms and she'd always watch them as they rolled in. If it was morning, she'd sit and drink her coffee on the front porch while she watched them and listened to the rain drum down on the roof. If it was nighttime, she'd have something called wine, which she told you that you couldn't have until you were older, and do the same thing.

Because of this, every time there was a thunderstorm and your dad wasn't working, he'd always go to the cemetery to visit your mom. You didn't know what he did there. You just knew that every time there was a thunderstorm, you'd just be that much more scared.

Your mom used to comfort you when there was a thunderstorm; she'd tell you that the thunder was just a giant up in the sky bowling and that he just got a strike. But, your dad wouldn't really comfort you because he'd just leave. And, there was only so much Officer Chuckles and huddling in your blankets could do for you.

"We gotta call Jay," you whispered to your bear. "He'll know what to do."

So, you gripped Officer Chuckles in your little hand and then made your way into the kitchen. You jumped as more lightning and thunder cracked across the sky.

You flicked on the light and picked up the phone. You looked at the number on the fridge and carefully dialed it and then hit the "talk" button. Then, you listened to it ring while little whimpers of fear escaped your mouth.

"Dad? Why are you--" You jumped and a small scream came out. "Y/N? Kiddo, what are you doing up? It's late."

"I- I'm scared," you said quickly and ran back to your room with Officer Chuckles and the phone still in your hand and pressed up to your ear.

"Because of the thunder?" Jay asked gently.

"Uh-huh," you answered as you buried yourself back under your covers. "Daddy's not here and-and it's really loud."

"Dad's not there?"

"He went to see Mommy." You squeaked as more thunder came.

Jay cursed on the other end of the phone and hoped you didn't pick up on it. "Y/N, I will be there in ten minutes, okay? I just want you to stay in your room until I get there. Can you do that for me?"

"Uh-huh. But please come fast, Jay Jay. Me and Officer Chuckles are really scared."

"I'll come really, really fast. I promise. Now, I have to put down the phone so I can drive. But I promise I'll get there really fast. I love you."

"I love you, too, Jay Jay."

***

Jay cursed himself as he drove as fast as he could towards his childhood home. He didn't even speed, just tried to go the speed limit. But, it was downpouring so hard that he had to slow down so that he didn't hydroplane and get into a car accident. He didn't need that right now and you definitely didn't need that right now.

Jay walked up the front porch--forgetting his umbrella in his car because he was so focused on getting to you--and then found the spare key under the flower pot. The flower was fake; there's no way your dad could keep a plant alive.

"Y/N?" he called out as he slipped off his shoes once he was inside. "It's me. It's Jay Jay."

Thunder cracked across the sky and Jay swore under his breath and then took off running to your bedroom.

There, he found you huddled underneath your comforter clutching Officer Chuckles to your chest and resting your head against him. Your small night light was the only thing giving off light in your room.

"Y/N," he whispered, causing you to jump. "It's okay, it's just me. It's Jay," he said quickly and then flicked on your bedroom light.

Now that everything was bathed in light, you jumped out of bed without hesitating and held tightly onto Jay. "It's too loud! It's too loud!" you wailed as your fingers clutched the bottom of his shirt.

"I know, I know," he soothed and gently rubbed your back while you continued to cry. "But remember what Mom said? It's just a giant up in the sky bowling."

"Well, he needs to play a quieter game."

Jay laughed at that. "I mean, we could try to tell him that, but I don't think he'd listen since he's way bigger than us." You nodded in agreement. Jay crouched down in front of you, seeing as you had finally let go of him. "Y/N, can you grab me your most favorite backpack?"

"Why?" you asked, tilting your head to the side. "It's nighttime, not school time."

Jay smiled at your innocence. "I know. But, you're gonna come over to my house and we're gonna have a sleepover."

"Like we do on some weekends?"

"Just like that."

More thunder.

You grabbed onto Jay's hand. "You come with me to get my backpack in the living room?"

Jay nodded. "Of course."

Once you were back in your room, Jay started grabbing some clothes for you and you grabbed your favorite blanket and Officer Chuckles. Then, something dawned on you. You were always supposed to tell your daddy if you went somewhere.

"Will Daddy be mad?"

Jay turned away from your dresser and to look at you. "Why would he be mad, kiddo?"

"Because I'm not- I'm not telling him I'm having a sleepover with you."

"Oh, he knows."

"You talked to him?"

"I called him on the way here." Well, he sent him a strongly worded text message, but that was basically the same thing. All he needed to know was that you were coming to his house since you were scared of the storm (not to mention you were seven years old and you shouldn't be home alone in the first place). He hadn't answered the text yet, but at least he'd know where you were.

"Okay. Will you come with me to get my raincoat, too?"

Jay had just finished putting the last of a pair of clothes in your backpack. "I think we can grab that on our way out. Good thinking, kiddo."

He shouldered your little backpack and took your blanket from you so that it wouldn't drag on the wet ground when you walked outside. Then, you put on your rain boots and raincoat at the front door and clutched Officer Chuckles super tight and walked out to Jay's car, and started on your way to his apartment.

***

"Hold my hand when we walk through the parking lot, okay?" Jay said as he pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building.

"Okay."

He put the car in park and then turned it off and got out, quickly opening an umbrella he had stashed in his passenger seat. Then, he made his way over to your side of the car and helped you out and grabbed your backpack, and slung your blanket over his shoulders. You held tight to Officer Chuckles with one hand and held Jay's hand with the other while you two walked into his apartment building, the umbrella Jay was holding with his opposite hand shielding you from the rain.

Once you were inside, you handed Jay your raincoat and he hung it up on the rack because you couldn't reach it.

Jay started digging around in your backpack for the spare pair of pajamas that he had packed for you. "Okay, Y/N, why don't you go put on these nice comfy pajamas--"

"Because mine are kinda wet?" you asked and looked up at your big brother.

"Yes, because yours are kind of wet," Jay confirmed. "And then after, we can go to sleep, okay?"

Thunder cracked again and you jumped.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Jay said and crouched down in front of you. "I promise you nothing bad will happen."

"You promise?"

"I promise," he confirmed with a nod of his head.

You turned to go change your clothes, and then remembered something. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Of course."

After you changed into dry pajamas, you put your dirty ones in your backpack and left the bathroom to see Jay sitting on the couch waiting for you. "Ready for bed?" he asked.

You yawned. "Uh-huh."

Jay glanced at the clock. It was nearing 12:30 am. There was no way you were going to go to school after six and a half hours of sleep. So, he had a plan. And that plan involved iHOP.

Once you got into bed, you tried to fall asleep, but you couldn't. Jay noticed this when you jumped at the thunder. So, he grabbed your little hand in his and squeezed. You then moved closer to him and buried your head in his chest. You knew you were safe from the thunder because your big brother was around and he was big and strong and would protect you from anything. So, you soon fell asleep after, ending your very long night.

***

You rubbed your eyes as you walked out of Jay's bedroom the next morning, Officer Chuckles in your hand dangling by your side.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Jay said.

You looked at the clock. 8:30. "Don't I gotta be at school?" you asked, scrunching up your eyebrows which Jay thought was the cutest thing ever.

"Not until after lunchtime," he told you. "You were up really late, so I wanted to let you sleep. And, so we can go out for breakfast."

"Really? Where?" you asked excitedly, almost dropping Officer Chuckles because you were absolutely buzzing with excitement.

"That is a surprise. Now, how about you go get dressed and brush your teeth and brush your hair, and then we can get going, okay?"

"Okay!"

Then, you scampered off and did just what Jay told you to do. You wanted to know what the surprise would be!

Once you were all done, you and Jay left, and on the ride to the place where you were going for breakfast, you kept asking where you'd be going. But, Jay just wouldn't let up. But, then you saw the big blue sign and knew exactly where you were headed.

"iHOP!" you exclaimed. "Smiley pancakes! Smiley pancakes!" You looked at Jay as he turned into the parking lot. "Can I get the smiley face pancakes? Please, Jay Jay?"

Jay smiled at your excitement. "Yes, you can get the smiley face pancakes."

"Yay!" you cheered.

After breakfast and going back to his apartment to get your school stuff that he had packed in your backpack last night, Jay brought you to school.

When he got back to his apartment, he started making phone calls and cashing in favors.

A month and a half later, Jay officially had guardianship of you.

***

Beach fight (age 14)

"It's so hot," you whined as you walked out of your room in the middle of summer and into the kitchen. You looked at Jay who was drinking coffee out of a mug. "I don't get how you can drink hot coffee. It's too hot out for that."

"You--" Jay took a sip of his coffee.--"are such a drama queen."

"But I'm a queen, so I'll take it."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Wonder where you got the quick comebacks from."

"Just a tall, red-headed doctor. Definitely not you."

"You're funny, kid. Real funny." Jay's phone buzzed. He furrowed his eyebrows. Then it buzzed again and he made eye contact with you and tilted his head to the side. "You texted Will about a beach day? And said that I said it was okay?"

"Uh-huh. You aren't the only Halstead sibling who can be sneaky you know."

"Normally, normally I'd be pissed. But, it's scorching out. So I'll give him a call. Go start getting ready and wear your swimsuit under your clothes so we don't have to change there."

"Yes! Thank you, Jay! Love you!" You gave him a quick hug.

"Yeah, yeah. You never love me more than when you get your way."

Then, you went off to your room to get changed.

***

"Will said he'd be right here," Jay muttered as he looked at his phone for the millionth time in ten minutes. Will and Jay had set up a spot to meet, but Will was running late.

Then, Will's familiar car pulled in and he parked. "Sorry I'm late," he started as he stepped out. "Had to pick up some groceries." He held up the six-pack of beer. "Can't have a beach day without alcohol."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Uh, yes, you can. And both of us are driving home." He turned to you. "Y/N, you're gonna have to make sure each of us only drinks two. I should be fine, but I don't know about him here."

"Hey!" Will exclaimed and then smacked Jay upside the head with his free hand.

You rolled your eyes and grabbed your beach chair and your drawstring bag with your towel and your book from Jay's truck. Jay grabbed the cooler, his bag, and his chair. Will grabbed his stuff and then the three of you were off.

***

You had waded in the water and read your book for a bit while Will and Jay chatted about some mutual cases they had come across while drinking their beer and eating snacks. You were snacking on your cheddar popcorn, (which Will had affectionately picked up a bag for you when he went to get beer because he knew it was your favorite) when you realized something: the boys had a drink other than water but you didn't.

You debated which brother would allow you to buy something from the coffee cart up by the entrance to the beach.

Will won.

"Will," you said sweetly and turned around to look at him.

"Uh oh," Jay said. "That's her I want something voice. Don't give in. Be strong."

Will rolled his eyes. "Yes, Y/N?"

"I was thinking--"

"It's worse than I thought!" Jay exclaimed. "She's thinking!"

You scowled at him and turned back to face Will. "I was thinking that since you two have something other than water to drink and I don't, could I maybe get something from the coffee cart? Please?"

"Yeah, sure. Why not?"

"Dude! She's fourteen! She shouldn't be drinking caffeine...especially not at noon!" Jay protested.

"There's this thing called decaf coffee, Jay."

"There's this thing called decaf coffee, Jay," Jay mocked. "Shut up, Will."

Will rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I have to go to the bathroom, so I'll walk up with there with you and just give you money and meet you back there." He looked at Jay. "Are you okay with that? I know you hate when she's out of our sight in super crowded place like this," he asked Jay.

"I do not do that!" Jay argued. You and Will gave him a look. "Fine. Maybe I do. I just see a lot of stuff that I never want her to be involved in. Just, make sure you give Will his change back."

"I will," you said. After all, you were in a swimsuit, not that there were pockets there for you to stash your big brother's change like you normally did and then keep it for yourself.

You and Will made your way up the beach to the entrance where he handed you a ten-dollar bill and you two split up. He went straight to go to the bathrooms and you took a slight right to go to the coffee cart.

Will had said on the walk up not to wait for him and to just go back to Jay. So, you ordered your decaf iced mocha caramel latte, took the four dollars and something cents in change, got your latte, and started to walk back to Jay.

That was, you walked until you heard it.

A catcall.

You pretended you didn't hear it, that it was directed at someone else.

But then, "Babe with the coffee." You stopped walking. "I know you heard me. C'mon, show us that pretty face of yours."

Your eyes widened as you swallowed and your lip started to tremble. You knew you should just make a run for it, but you knew that in running in the sand with your hands full, that you'd just end up face planting and getting a mouth full of sand.

"Aw, c'mon baby. I've got friends, too. You don't like me, maybe you'll like them. We'll like you either way."

You wanted to smack yourself at what came out of your mouth next. You turned around. These guys were probably 23-25 year-olds and there were three of them. They were way taller than you and you knew that they'd easily be able to overpower you. But, you said the first thing that you thought would make them back off.

"I have a boy--". You cleared your throat. "I have a boyfriend."

"I don't see no boy." He turned to one of his friends. "Do you?" The other guy shook his head.

Where the fuck is Will?

"Take my money. Just, leave me alone."

You held the money out to the man, but instead of taking it, he grabbed your wrist instead. Hard.

You dropped your coffee, the plastic cup breaking in the sand and making the cold, sweet liquid form a puddle.

"How cute, boys. She's paying us, normally we'd be paying her!"

From down on the beach, Jay was watching from afar. He saw some guys walking towards you and at first, he assumed that they might've been older siblings of some kids you knew at school or something like that.

Then, he noticed your rigid posture and stood up.

He started walking toward you.

You held your hand out and the guy grabbed your wrist.

Jay started running.

"Just, let me go and we can pretend this never happened," you said, borrowing a line you had seen in movies multiple times...not that it ever worked in those, but maybe it'd work in real life.

"No can--"

"Hey!"

Oh, thank God for Jay.

"You the boyfriend?" he asked rhetorically. "She's gotta be sixteen then. How is she?"

"For your information, I'm the brother. And, it'd be in your best interest to let go," Jay growled.

"Three on one. This should be fun." The guy shrugged.

"Listen, man. I really don't feel like doing this here. So just, let her go."

He tugged you closer to him and you yelped, your front hitting his chest.

You squeezed your eyes shut.

You felt arms wrap around you and pull you away from the random guy's chest and you screamed.

"You son of a bitch!" Jay yelled.

You opened your eyes to see that Will was the one who had run up and pulled you back, your heart still beating out of your chest.

"Jay, he's not--" Will tried, but it was no use.

Jay threw the first punch.

The guy's head flew back and he fell to the ground. The guy tried to throw a punch from there, but Jay easily dodged it. Then, he threw three more hits to his face.

Will turned his head away from the fight at the sound of shitty sirens. "Fucking hell, Jay! Security!"

He didn't stop.

"Jay!" you yelled.

Now, this caused him to stop for a second...right as security pulled up next to him.

Jay looked up.

"He threw the first punch!" the man yelled to security before Jay could even explain the situation in its entirety.

"And you harassed my sister, so I think me punching you was warranted!" Jay argued. He turned to security. "Jay Halstead, CPD detective with the Intelligence unit."

The two beach security guards shared a glance. One sighed. "Okay, to make this easier, we won't call the cops because apparently, he is one. But, both of you are banned from the beach."

"What?" the guy bellowed. "You're not even going to ask him for some identification? Unbelievable!"

"I can easily go grab my badge from my car, officer," Jay suggested.

"That won't be necessary," the security guard said. He turned to you. "Miss, did he hurt you in any way?" You held out your hand to show him your wrist, which was red and you knew you'd have bruising on it tomorrow. Then, he turned his attention back to the guy who had been harassing you and his two friends. "You, come with me. Unless one of your buddies wants to cop to being the one who did the harassing?"

The two other guys held up their hands in a sign of surrender and backed up.

"What?" the guy yelled. "I need medical attention! I probably need stitches!"

"And we can have someone do that for you, but you need to come with us." He pulled out a pair of zip ties and got them on the guy's wrist...not without him giving the security guards some difficulty, though. He turned his attention back to you and your brothers. "I take it back, Detective, you're not banned."

Jay gave him a curt nod of thanks.

"What?" the guy yelled as the security guard started walking, taking the creeper away from you and your brothers.

"Keep it moving, buddy. Keep it moving."

"Let's get outta here," Will suggested.

You and Jay agreed, and then the three of you went to grab your stuff from where it previously was at the beach.

***

You had ridden back home with Will instead of Jay since he needed some time to cool off...and call Voight to make sure that the asshole actually got some jail time or something. Basically, Jay needed Voight to make sure that the beach security was actually doing their job.

The two of you made your way into the apartment (Jay had given Will a key and Will had given Jay a key to his apartment also. You didn't bring your key because you thought you'd be riding home with Jay, but then everything popped off.). Then, Will immediately went into doctor mode.

"Go change into some clothes and then I'm gonna take a look at that wrist," he told you.

You nodded and quickly changed into a pair of comfy shorts and a t-shirt. Then, you made your way to the kitchen table where Will was waiting expectantly. You sat down a sighed.

"You okay?" Will asked as he stopped unzipping his medical bag that he always kept in his car in case of emergencies and gave you his full attention.

"That was terrifying. I just, I never would've thought that would happen."

"And it shouldn't have happened. You're fourteen; you're just a kid. It shouldn't happen to an adult, much less a kid." You nodded. "Can I see your wrist?"

You held it out to him and he gently pressed on it and began to inspect it. "You know," you started, "I thought you'd be patching up Jay. Turns out that ass- that guy's friends didn't want to get involved."

"I wouldn't either," Will agreed. "There's no way I'd want to be one the receiving end of a fistfight with Jay. And, for the record, that guy was an asshole." Then, he started talking about the subject at hand. "Well, good news is that it isn't broken...but we already knew that. Bad news is that there will be some slight bruising, so we need to ice it."

"Okay."

Will got up to get some ice from the freezer when Jay walked in...holding a bag of groceries.

"What's that?" you asked.

"Well, I figured we'd get ice cream after the beach, but since that didn't happen, I decided to pick some up." He set the bag of groceries on the table in front of you and started taking out pints of ice cream. "Superman for Will, Neopolitan for me, and cookies n creme for you."

Your eyes went wide as you saw the ice cream and quickly snatched up your pint. Jay laughed at your excitement.

"Still can't believe that Will's favorite is Superman," you mused.

"He's like a kid in an adult's body," Jay agreed.

"I heard that!" Will yelled and then came back with an ice pack and three spoons. "What can I say, I'm a sugar aficionado. Now, what movie are we watching?"

The three of you made your way over to the couch with your spoons and ice cream, you with your ice pack as well, and started to try and agree on a movie.

Sometimes, you hated that Jay was so vigilant and that Will always had to take a look at something as small as a scrape, but today, those two things definitely came in handy. And, you couldn't be more thankful.

***

Migraine (age 16)

Oh here we go again, you thought as you sat in your American history class and felt the pounding in your head coming on. You had had a slight headache this morning but had a feeling it was going to turn into something more since all of your headaches lately have been turning into migraines almost every other day for the past week. For a few weeks, you'd been having headaches and they started out not too bad, a small dose of Tylenol would fix them. You assumed they were just stress headaches from school. But, then they started making the sides of your head pound and making you sensitive to light or nauseous. And right now, you felt a really bad one coming on.

Forty-five minutes later, you had gotten out of your history class and were on your way to biology. But, you were in the midst of the worst migraine of your life. Your head was pounding, everyone seemed to be talking right in your ear, and the lights were way too bright even when you squinted.

You had to go home. You couldn't stay at school any longer.

So, you went to the office and explained this and then called Jay.

"Hello? Y/N, aren't you supposed to be in class?" he asked when he answered.

"My head hurts really bad, Jay. Please, can you come pick me up?" you asked.

"I can have someone drop off some Tylenol," he suggested.

"No," you whined. "It hurts so bad. The light hurts my head and people talking hurts my head. Please, Jay."

You were practically pleading and even though Jay knew that you had a geometry test today, he agreed.

"Okay, I'll email your math teacher about the test."

"Oh. I forgot about that." You hissed as the late bell rang, causing your head to pound even more for those few seconds.

"That bad, huh?" Jay asked, having heard the bell chime on his end of the phone.

"Uh-huh. But, I can't drive home."

"Okay, and I can't pick you because I'm meeting with a CI. You okay if Adam picks you up and brings you back to the district? Then, me and someone else can go pick up your car from school later?"

"Okay. Why can't I just go home?"

"Because, if you're feeling as crappy as you say you are, then I'd prefer that someone has eyes on you. I'll see you in a bit."

"Okay, bye Jay."

Then, you hung up, told the secretary you'd be leaving so that she could send an email to your teachers, grabbed your stuff from your locker, and came back to the office to wait for Adam.

***

Twenty minutes later, Adam walked into the office.

"Hey, kiddo. I'm gonna sign you out and then we'll get you out of here, okay?" You had balled up your sweatshirt and were using it as a pillow and had your eyes closed. But, you cracked them open and nodded. Adam knew this definitely wasn't you lying to get out of a test because usually, you'd tell him not to call you kiddo, seeing as you were sixteen.

Adm showed his ID to the secretary and then he signed you out. You stood up and your head started pounding even more due to the sudden change in posture.

"Here, I can take your bag," Adam offered and you handed him your backpack.

"Thanks," you said quietly.

Then, you made your way to Adam's Jeep and got in the backseat. Not even two minutes into the trip to the district, you knew you couldn't take the music that was playing from the radio...even though you knew it was lower than he normally played it.

"Adam?" you asked, your head now resting on your balled-up sweatshirt as you tried your best to lay down while still buckled up in the backseat.

"Yeah?"

"Can you turn off the music? It really hurts my head."

"Of course." Then, he quickly turned off the radio and the two of you rode in silence the rest of the way to the district.

Adam would be lying if he said he wasn't worried about you.

***

"Mini Halstead! What's--" Trudy Platt exclaimed when you and Adam walked into the district, but Adam quickly placed a finger to his lips as you whimpered at the loudness of her voice. "Sorry," she whispered. "You hungry?"

You shook your head. "Thanks, though."

The desk sergeant nodded. "Let me know if she needs anything," she directed to Adam.

"Will do, Sarge."

Then, the two of you made your way up the stairs and into Intelligence, not without the buzzer on the gate causing you to hiss at the pain it caused in your temples.

"Mini Halstead!" Kevin exclaimed, but Adam quickly put a finger to his lips as you whimpered at his loud voice.

Jay quickly made his way over to you. "Let's go into the break room, okay?" You nodded. Jay turned to Adam. "I can take her bag."

Jay took your backpack from Adam and then the two of you went into the break room.

"There's some Tylenol and water on the table for you," Jay said, fully expecting you to walk over and get it. But, instead, you just plopped yourself down on the couch. "Or, I can bring it to you."

He gave you the water and the two pills and you took them.

"Have you eaten anything since breakfast?" he asked.

You shook your head. "Hurts to chew."

"Okay." Jay paused for a moment. "I think I have a banana I brought with me in case I got hungry. Is that soft enough for you to chew? I want you to eat something."

"I guess," you mumbled as you laid down on the couch. "Just wanna sleep."

"I know, but I wanna get some calories in you before you do that. Can you just stay awake for like five more minutes?" You nodded. "Okay, I'll be right back."

Jay came back two minutes later with a banana and a blanket.

"Where'd you get the blanket?" you asked.

"I keep it in my truck for late-night stakeouts. Here." He handed you the banana and then set the blanket next to you. "I don't have a pillow, so your sweatshirt will have to do. You all set?"

"Yeah, gonna eat this and take a nap."

"Okay, I'll make sure Voight doesn't yell too much. This door's pretty much soundproof though, so you should be fine. Come get me if you need anything."

"Okay."

Then, you ate the banana, folded up your hoodie and put it under your head, and pulled the blanket over you, quickly falling asleep.

***

You woke up two hours later feeling too warm. Your migraine had subsided into just a headache...but you knew in a couple of hours, the migraine would probably be back after the Tylenol had worn off. And, it was still a decently bad headache, just without the light hurting your eyes as much.

But then, you had an idea.

Sometimes at home when you had headaches, you'd lay your head on the tiled floor of the bathroom because it was cold. Cold surfaces always seemed to help.

So, you looked out into the bullpen to see if anyone was there.

No one.

You picked up your phone to see a text from Jay saying that they had gone on a raid and would be back soon and that if you needed anything, to let Trudy know. He also said that he had let Will know what was going on and that he'd be at the apartment later tonight to check up on you.

You wrapped the blanket around you and then made your way out of the bullpen and into an empty interrogation room.

You sat down in the cold metal chair and held your blanket tighter around your body. Then, you laid your head on the cold metal table and relished the feeling of coolness on your head.

Yeah, this will help.

***

"I didn't do it! I swear!" a drug dealer that Trudy was holding by the arm defended himself while Trudy led him to an interrogation room.

"Not that I don't believe you," she started, "but I've heard that one before."

She walked into the interrogation room and her eyes went wide when she saw you lying with your head on the table, asleep.

"What's a kid doing in here? I don't know her!"

"Shut up," Trudy told him. "Come on."

Then, she pulled him towards the next interrogation room.

"Some officers will be in here soon to have a chat with you. Feel free to make yourself comfortable."

Then, Trudy left the room and closed the door, and made her way into the interrogation room where you were currently sleeping.

She knelt down beside you. "Y/N," she whispered. You didn't stir. She placed a hand on your shoulder. "Kid, wake up."

"Hmmm, no," you said, not even lifting your head up. "Wanna go home. Cold feels good on my head."

Then, Trudy heard the buzzer to Intelligence go off. "I'll be back," she told you.

"Uh-huh," you said, closing your eyes once again.

Trudy walked into Intelligence and immediately set her sights on Jay.

"Halstead," she barked.

Jay quickly turned his head. "What can I do for you, Sarge?"

"You can explain to me why that sister of yours is currently taking a nap in one of my interrogation rooms because she says the cold feels good on her head and then get her out of there," she told him.

"What?" he asked, more confused than ever.

"Y/N's napping at the table in an interrogation room. I need you to get her out of there. I almost put a dealer in there."

"Why's she in there?"

"Like I just told you: she said the cold feels good on her head. But I need you to get her out of there. Now."

"Copy you, Sarge."

"Good choice, Chuckles, good choice."

Then, Jay made his way to the interrogation room that Trudy told him that you were in.

He squatted down next to you. "Y/N," he whispered.

"Feels good. Leave," you mumbled.

"You know I can't let you stay in here. We gotta get you back out into the break room. It's not safe for you in here."

"Don't care."

Jay huffed. "I know you don't, but I do."

You opened your eyes to see that Jay had turned the lights on all the way...compared to how dim you had them before.

Fuck, it had been a few hours since you had taken the Tylenol and it was wearing off.

You closed your eyes again.

"Y/N," Jay warned.

"Light hurts."

Jay sighed. "Okay, I'll dim the lights and I'll be right back."

Jay dimmed the lights and walked out of the interrogation room and into the bullpen once more.

"Why's she not out yet?" Voight asked.

Jay rummaged around in his desk while he answered. "She said the light hurts her eyes, so I'm giving her these to wear." He held up a pair of sunglasses.

"Huh." Voight paused. "Take her home, Jay. You're done for the day. I don't expect to see you back here until Monday."

"Sarge, all due respect, but it's Wednesday and we're in the middle of a case."

"We'll be fine for one half-finished case without you, Jay. Y/N's family. Take care of her. Just think of it as of tomorrow, you get to have a four-day weekend."

"Can I get one of those four-day weekends?" Adam asked.

"No," Voight answered without skipping a beat. "Go take care of your sister, Halstead."

Jay nodded and then grabbed your backpack from the break room and then returned to his desk for his keys and jacket and then went back to the interrogation room.

"Y/N, we're gonna go home now," he whispered when he walked into the room.

"Yay," you said in a monotone voice and slowly lifted your head up and then rubbed your hands down your face.

"Put these on. They should help with the light."

You took the sunglasses from him and put them on. Then, you two slowly walked out of the room and outside of the district to his truck.

***

"So she's sensitive to light and sound?" Will asked Jay over the phone once Will had gotten off shift and realized his brother had called him concerning your headache.

"Yeah, pretty sure it's a migraine," Jay confirmed.

"She mention anything about nausea?"

"When we were driving home she did."

"Could also be that she started getting motion sick if it only happened in the car. I'll stop over and take a look. She eaten anything?"

"Just breakfast and a banana."

"Jesus, man. It's past five o'clock. She needs more than that!"

"I know, but she said it hurts to chew, so I didn't want to force her."

"Okay, I get it then. I'll pick up some food on my way. I'll get Panera Bread so I can get her some soup. Text me what you want."

"Okay, thanks, man. And Y/N likes--"

"--the cheese broccoli soup. I know, Jay, I know."

"Just checking."

Then, Jay hung up and started to look at the menu and then texted Will what he wanted. Now he just had to wait for Will to come over and hopefully fix you. Because Jay would be lying if he said he wasn't worried about you.

***

"Thanks for coming, man," Jay said as he opened the door. "God, she's making me really worried."

"Whoa, it must be bad if you're admitting you're worried," Will joked and then set the bag of food on the counter.

"Dude, she was napping in an interrogation room because she said the table was cold and it felt good on her head! Damn right I'm worried!"

"Okay, just...get the food out and I'll go check her out. Hopefully, I can figure out what's making her get all these headaches. She mention headaches before now?"

"Yeah, for about the past week, week and a half. But, they've never been this bad. And, if they were, she hasn't told me."

"Okay, thanks. I'll see if she'll tell me more. She's gonna be okay."

Jay nodded and then Will made his way to your bedroom.

He opened the door to see that you were sound asleep with your blinds closed all the way. You had your fan on and had earplugs in, so he assumed that just wanted the fan on for the cool air and not the noise...and the noise was the reason you usually wanted it on.

Gently, Will touched your shoulder.

"Go away, Jay," you mumbled and rolled over to face the wall.

"It's not Jay, it's--" Will sighed when he realized you wouldn't be able to hear him because of the earplugs you had in. So, he settled on shaking your shoulder until you opened your eyes and realized it was him and not Jay.

You took out the earplugs.

"Can you fix it?" you asked. Then, you whimpered. "It hurts so bad."

Your lip started to tremble. You didn't want to cry because you knew it would make your migraine worse, but you couldn't stop the tears; you were so sick of these damn headaches and this migraine.

"When did they start?" Will asked and turned off the fan.

"Three weeks ago," you answered.

"Jay said only a week and a half."

"I didn't tell him. I thought they were from school stress, but they won't go away. Make it stop! Please! I can't- I can't even think straight anymore, Will."

You put your head in your hands and rubbed your temples.

"Have you been eating a lot of different foods? Getting too little sleep? Drinking too much caffeine? Weird periods?"

"No, none of that." You wanted to tell him that it was weird having him ask you about your period, but your head hurt so bad that you refrained.

"Okay, well, I think Jay's got the food ready, so do you think you can manage some cheese broccoli soup from Panera?"

You shrugged. "Maybe a little."

"That's good enough for me. C'mon."

You grabbed a pair of sunglasses from your bedside table next to you and then followed Will out into the hallway and then put the sunglasses on.

"How you doing?" Jay asked as he finished pouring everyone water.

You shrugged. "Still hurts."

"I'm sorry, but the bottle says you can't have anymore Tylenol yet."

You nodded and sat down and slowly started to eat your soup, sunglasses still on.

You started to eat and then realized your soup was kind of cold. You stood up.

"Soup cold?" Jay asked.

You nodded and put it in the microwave.

Then, something clicked in Will's head.

Cold.

Temperature.

"Barometric pressure," Will muttered. Then he looked up, a smile starting to spread across his face. "Barometric pressure," he repeated, this time louder.

"Bara-what-now?" Jay asked.

"It's essentially the air pressure when the weather changes," he explained. "Remember when Y/N was in elementary school and would have really bad allergies in the fall?"

"Yeah," Jay said. "What's this got to do with migraines?"

"Migraines start around adolescence and since she had allergies in the fall before, I'm fairly certain that this is why she's getting them."

"You know why?" you asked as you sat back down, your soup now warm. "Can you make them stop?"

"I think I do. But, we'd have to get you checked out tomorrow."

"Okay. Thank you. Get me an appointment."

A few days later, after lots of naps, soup, and tv when your headache/migraine decided to subside, you were put on corticosteroids for what were called "cluster headaches" in the medical field. You're only supposed to be on them for about two weeks and then you'd have to be reassessed. But, for now, your migraines had subsided and you could finally, finally think clearly.

***

Sorry About your Truck (age 18)

You didn't know what was happening. One second you were driving on the circle of the on-ramp to the highway, and the next, you fishtailed to the right. You spun your wheel to the left, maybe slammed on the brakes (which you knew you weren't supposed to do), and then slid to the right again. It all happened so fast that you didn't even know how it happened.

But, you knew how you got in this position.

"Fuck," you muttered as you put your hand up to the vent in your car the day before you left for school. Even though it was set to defrost, you still should've been able to feel some heat coming out. But you felt nothing. Well, nothing but cold air.

You trudged back inside to see Jay putting on his jacket.

"I think my heat in my car's broken," you said.

Jay looked at you and raised his eyebrows. "You probably just didn't turn it on."

"Yes, I did. And I double-checked. Come see."

So, Jay walked out to your car. And sure enough, your heat was broken.

"I'll drop you off at school and then we'll bring the car to the shop tonight. C'mon," Jay told you.

"I have to work tomorrow until 11," you said. "How am I supposed to go to work?"

Jay sighed. "I'll figure it out."

Because, he knew for a fact he couldn't let you drive without heat...not in these Chicago winters.

***

"Jay, man, you gotta go to sleep," Will told his younger brother.

"Dude, it's getting icy out!" Jay argued over the phone. "I'm staying awake until she gets home!"

Will sighed. "Fine. I know there's no changing your mind."

"Thank you. Now, I'm gonna see if I can find a hockey game happening on the west coast and watch that. I'll text you when she gets home."

"I don't need you to do that, but if it makes you feel better, feel free. God, you need to make your cop instincts chill for once."

***

You screamed. You didn't know what to do. One second you swerved to the left and then you swerved to the right. You tried to correct yourself again and get back on the road, but it wasn't working...not like it worked last time when you tried to go back the opposite way anyway. But, now, oh now you were more terrified than before...if that was even possible.

You felt hot tears sting your eyes as you heard the sounds of metal ripping through metal. Then, you felt yourself tumbling. You didn't know if you were screaming at this point, but you felt your knee jam into the dashboard and the next thing you knew, you were upside down with only your seatbelt keeping you in place and the broken glass from the windows had left a smattering of cuts along your body, with the deepest one being on your forehead.

You kept flailing your arms, trying to do something, anything to get you out. And then you heard the sound of sirens and the snow around you started turning blue.

Great...you had found the button to turn on Jay's sirens. Just great.

"Help!" you yelled.

You hoped that someone would call 911....but according to these sirens, you were 911.

***

"Squad 3, Ambulance 61, Truck 81, Engine 51, Battalion 25. Single vehicle car accident. Person trapped."

"Single vehicle?" Casey asked. "Why do they need all of us?"

"Beats me," Severide said. "But we're about to find out."

***

"A cop car?" Kelly asked as he furrowed his eyebrows on the way to the scene.

"Guess so, Lieutenant," Cruz said. "Looks like an undercover car to me, too."

As they got closer, Kelly noticed something. He knew that truck.

"Casey," he said into his radio, "that look like Jay Halstead's truck to you?"

Casey tilted his head. "You know, it actually does. Dispatch," he started, "this is Truck 81 to Main, can you get in contact with the 21st District and see if Jay Halstead is on duty tonight and then get back to us?"

"Copy that Truck 81."

They all pulled up to the scene and Boden started directing everyone.

"Squad, we need to get that victim out. Truck, help Squad with figuring out how to get the victim out. Chances are we'll have to cut the car and need all hands on deck. Engine, I need you on standby in case there's a gas leak and a fire starts. Sixty-One, do all you can."

They all said their "copy that's" in some form or another and then Casey, Stella, and all of Squad 3 went over to look at the truck.

"Help!" you yelled. "Somebody help me, please!" At this point, the blood from your forehead was dripping all over the roof of the truck. At least, since you were upside down, the blood wasn't going into your eyes. But, tears were rolling down your cheeks. You were terrified and your knee was in so much pain from being crushed up against the dash and your head was starting to burn where you had been cut by the glass.

"Main to Truck 81, Jay Halstead is not on duty tonight according to the 21st."

"It's not Halstead!" Casey yelled. "He's not on duty!"

They all raced up to the truck.

"I'm gonna climb up to the window and see how the victim's doing. I'll tell you what we need from there," Kelly said.

Then, with the help of Cruz and Capp, he got on top of the rolled-over vehicle.

"Help! Please help me!" you yelled.

"We're gonna get you out, don't worry!" Kelly yelled once he was close enough that he knew you'd be able to hear him.

You knew that voice.

Kelly looked down into the truck to see you straining your neck to look out the broken window and up to him.

"Don't move!" he ordered. He had no idea whether or not you had sustained injuries to your spinal cord.

"O- Okay," you whimpered. "I'm scared, Kelly."

"I know, I know. But we're gonna get you out of here. It'll all be okay." He turned his head so that it was back facing Squad, Casey, and Stella. "Casey!" he yelled. "I need you to tell Boden to get in touch with one of the Halsteads! It's Y/N!"

***

"Hello?" Jay asked sleepily into his phone. He had finally taken Will's advice and had tried to go to sleep...with a Vegas Golden Knights vs. Colorado Avalanche game playing in the background since that was the NHL game that was happening on the west coast right now.

"Halstead, it's Wallace Boden. Are you aware that your sister was driving your truck?"

At this, Jay sat up straight, sleep be damned. "She was. Why? What happened? Is she okay?"

He stood up and started pacing the room.

"Jay, I'm going to tell you the location and I need you to call Will and you both need to get here ASAP."

"Chief, all due respect, but you need to tell me what's going on."

"Y/N's been in a car accident. It's a roll-over crash. She's currently stuck in the car but conscious."

Everything Jay learned about bad news from your mom and dad passing, to his time in the military, to him being a cop flew out the window in that very moment.

"She's been in a crash? Can they get her out? Tell me they're gonna get her out, Chief! They have to!"

"Jay, my men are doing everything they can. But right now, you need to call your brother and you need to get to this location as fast as possible."

"Okay, yeah, yeah. I can do that."

Then, Jay quickly hung up.

After calling Will four times in a row, he finally picked up.

"Dude, I'm about to be in surgery, what's--"

"Y/N's been in a car accident. We need to go there now."

Will almost dropped his phone.

"What? How? When?"

"I don't know, all I know is that Boden called me and told me to get to the scene ASAP. I'll pick you up on the way."

Then, without waiting for Will's response, Jay hung up the phone and dialed a number he never thought he'd be calling off duty: his new partner, Hailey Upton.

"Hailey, it's Jay. I need a favor."

***

"Capp!" Kelly yelled. "We need to cut through the seat to get it off from the floor because that's currently the ceiling! Squad and 81, we need to cut the back of the truck so we can get her out of here! 51, figure out how to kill these sirens! And, Brett, I need you to come up here and take a look so you can tell me the best way to get her out of here!"

Sylvie Brett started sprinting over to the truck with her jump bag and then Casey and Cruz helped her onto the truck and Kelly gave her his hand to make sure she got all the way up there safely.

"Y/N, I'm Sylvie. Do you remember me?" she asked calmly.

"Uh-huh," you answered, trying your best not to move your head like had Kelly told you.

"I bet your leg hurts really bad, huh?"

"Not, not really," you answered.

Sylvie and Kelly shared a look. They knew what this was: you were going into shock.

"Hand me that flashlight," Sylvie said to Kelly. He handed it to her. "Yeah, she's tensing her leg muscles, which is probably why she can't feel it. She's still having an adrenaline rush since she seems to unconsciously tensing them. We'll still give her pain meds as soon as we can because when the pain wears off, it's gonna hurt.

"For now, I need to get a C-collar on her and when she gets out, I need her on a backboard and I need that leg in a splint. Try your best not to do any sudden movements that can hurt her leg even more than it already is. By the looks of it, I'm assuming she shattered her knee cap."

"Got the bolt cutters, Severide!" Capp yelled.

"Got the saw, too!" Casey yelled. "I think we should start by cutting the end of the truck, sound good?"

"Yeah, that works!" He took off his turnout coat and handed it to Brett. "Get in there, get a C-collar on her, and cover her with this while we cut the end of the truck. Close your eyes and cover your head with your jacket. Yell to me when you're ready."

"Why aren't you going in there?" Sylvie asked as she positioned herself to jump through the window and down into the truck.

"I don't think I could fit through that window."

"You never know," Sylvie said and then slipped down and into the truck.

"They're gonna cut it?" you asked frantically. "But what if they hurt me?"

"Y/N, it's okay. They won't hurt you. They're professionals. They've done this hundreds of times. But, I need you to stay calm for me. I'm gonna put this C-collar around your neck and cover you with this coat so that debris doesn't get in your eyes." She didn't mention the cut on your forehead and at the moment, she hoped you weren't feeling it.

Sylvie got the C-collar around your neck to stabilize it and then she put the turnout coat over you and pulled hers over her head. "Ready!" she yelled to Kelly.

You started hearing the sound of metal being cut. You could feel your heart pounding out of your chest, but at the same time, you couldn't feel anything at all.

***

"There it is!" Jay pointed from the passenger seat of Hailey's car. The hospital had been on their way to the scene, so they grabbed Will on the way. Jay was thankful because he knew that the hospital would be close if you needed to go there.

Will was practically standing up in the backseat so that he could jump out of the car as quickly as possible. He needed to make sure you were okay.

Hailey had barely put the car in park when both Halsteads jumped out.

"Chief!" Jay yelled. "Where is she?"

"She's still in the car. They're trying--"

"They're trying?" Jay yelled angrily, cutting Chief Boden off. "If she's not out yet and it's been this long then they sure as hell aren't trying! I swear to God if--"

"Jay!" Will yelled and stepped in front of him and gave him a shove to push him away from Boden. "You need to calm down!"

"Calm down? Don't tell me to fucking calm down! Our sister's in a roll-over crash and you're telling me to calm down?"

"I understand you're upset," Boden started, "but you two shouldn't even be here right now. And, if you don't want to be pushed back behind the yellow tape, I suggest you calm down."

Jay glared at Boden but kept his mouth shut.

Jay started walking away and then locked eyes with Stella. He picked up his pace. Will tried to pull him back because he had a feeling he knew what he was going to do, but he was too late.

"Stella!" he yelled. "What's happening? You gotta tell me what's going on in there. Please."

Stella sighed. She knew she shouldn't be doing this. But, she knew if it was anyone in her family, hell if it was Kelly or anyone else in Firehouse 51, she'd want to know what was going on, too.

"She's upside down, hanging from her seat. Her knee's jammed up against the dash. She's still conscious, but they have to get her out."

There was a loud creaking sound that caused everyone to turn their attention back to the scene.

They had sawed through the back half of the truck and were now going in.

"Casey, Kelly," Stella said into her radio, "can I get an update on the situation? Jay and Will are here and they just want to know."

"We just gotta get the chair down, Kidd," Casey's voice came from her radio. "She's still conscious. She's scared, but she should get out fine."

Jay looked up at the sky while Will sighed in relief.

You'd be getting out of there just fine.

***

The next few hours were a blur of you getting out of the truck and being taken by ambulance to Chicago Med (Will rode with you because of Jay's fear of needles), and you being in knee surgery.

Jay and Will had to wait outside while you were in surgery. And they were beside themselves.

"God, I shouldn't have let her take my truck," Jay vented as he was pacing the waiting area with his hands on his head.

"You couldn't have known it was gonna snow like this. It wasn't supposed to snow like this," Will comforted.

"How do you do it?" Jay asked.

Will furrowed his eyebrows. "Do what?"

"Stay so calm? Like, when we were at the scene, you were so calm when I was absolutely losing it."

"I don't know, I really don't. Maybe I realized that being pissed wasn't going to help anyone. But, when I heard Stella and Casey tell us what was going on, I knew she was going to be okay. There were no injuries to the abdomen, chest, or head--well, except for that laceration on her forehead--and she was conscious. I just knew."

"So you're telling me, you thought logically with medical knowledge?" Jay asked. He had absolutely no idea such a sophisticated sentence would ever make its way out of his mouth, but hey, there was a time and place for everything.

"That and I knew you'd be pissed, so I knew I'd have to at least be calm enough to calm you down...or hold you back."

"There it is."

***

You woke up an hour later. You blinked, trying to remember what happened, and then it all came rushing back. The fishtailing...the screaming...Kelly talking to you...the sound of metal being cut...

You took a deep breath.

This alerted your brothers that you were awake.

"Hey, how was being under?" Will asked jokingly. You had always asked what it felt like to be under anesthesia and Will said he couldn't really explain it; he said you'd just have to find out some time.

"It was a nice nap," you answered.

Will laughed. "I bet it was. Feeling better?"

"Tired," you yawned.

"Well, it is just past four in the morning, so that makes sense."

You looked at Jay. "I'm sorry about your truck. I was just going down the exit ramp and it happened so fast and--"

"Hey, hey," Jay said quickly and stood up. "It's okay. It's just a truck, it's replaceable; you, kiddo, are not."

Will smiled. "Borrowing a line from Mom's book when we both inevitably got in our first car accidents, I see."

Your finger started to move toward the stitches on your forehead.

"No, no, no," Will said quickly. "Don't touch them!"

You kept running your finger over them. "But they feel funny."

"That's because you haven't gotten them before. They'll feel even funnier if you pop one and me or someone else has to redo them."

Your stomach grumbled.

"Okay, what do you want to eat?" Will asked. He handed you a cup of water, too because he figured that if you were hungry, that you'd be thirsty as well.

You took a few sips and then answered. "Olive Garden."

Jay laughed. "Olive Garden isn't open at four am."

You pursed your lips to the side, thinking about what you wanted. "Pizza."

"I'll go have someone grab you some," Will said.

"Maybe send Adam because he can just call the cafeteria lady darlin' and then just like that,--" Jay snapped his fingers---, "she'll get an extra piece for free," Jay suggested.

"Adam's here?" you asked.

"Everyone's here," Jay answered. "They all wanted to make sure that you were okay...and the 21st also got called to see if I was on duty since it was my truck."

"If it makes you guys feel any better, I don't think I'll be driving for a while."

"That's okay. Voight gave me a few weeks off to look after you while you're recovering and I think Goodwin's letting Will cut down his hours."

"What he means Y/N, is that you'll be stuck with us telling you not to try to walk for a few weeks," Will said.

"Uh," you groaned.

Will and Jay both laughed. "I'm gonna go see if Adam can get you that pizza," Will said. He was almost out the door when he added, "you better not touch your stitches while I'm gone."

The next few weeks was a blur of doing all your schoolwork at home--and a lot of times, from the couch--, Jay and Will scolding you if you so much as tried to bend your leg, lots of movies and tv shows (and Jay and Will always let you pick because you couldn't really do much while you were laid up at home), and convincing Jay to buy you lots of Oreos and cheddar popcorn. And if he didn't...well, you'd just text Will (luckily you had insurance on your phone and could get a new one without paying a lot after the crash) and he'd bring you your Oreos and cheddar popcorn. After the first two weeks, Jay just had to live with the fact that he was outnumbered when it came to you and your favorite snacks.

***

Rough Shift (age 21)

Trigger warning for mentions of suicidal ideation!

You sat at Molly's finishing up your second pomegranate martini...and it was only 6 pm. You waved Stella over to have her make you another one.

"Y/N, I know you drove here. I can't in good conscience give you another drink. Hell, I didn't even want to give you the last one! But, I can get you a pop if you want? Or lemonade?"

"Stella," you whined. "I just want another drink. It's been a really rough day at work. Please, just make me another one."

"You know I can't do that. What happened at work? Maybe it'll help to talk about it. We've all had rough shifts before and talking about it or crying it out usually helps."

"I can't really cry it out right in the middle of a bar." You took a shaky breath. "Even though, I really wish I could." Tears started to sting your eyes. You couldn't cry. Not here. "I think I'm gonna go have that cry." You set some money on the bar. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it. And hey, if you ever need someone to talk to, Y/N, I'm your girl."

"Thanks, Stella."

Then, you left Molly's. But, you didn't go straight home. You decided to go to the store instead. And all you bought there was a bottle of peach Moscato.

Time to get buzzed enough to forget for the time being.

***

When you got home, you popped some food in the microwave since you hadn't eaten since basically breakfast save for some beef jerky and an apple, and unscrewed the cap to the wine you had just bought. Normally, you wouldn't buy a ton of alcohol for yourself because you'd just take Jay or Hailey's drinks if she brought any over (yes, you still lived with Jay because college is ridiculously expensive and you were trying to get out of school with as little debt as possible...if any), but those two were on a camping trip on Lake Michigan for the weekend. You were supposed to go, but then you had to work. So, Will ended up going instead. He said maybe he'd meet a girl up there and you just laughed.

You took a few sips of your wine and then realized that maybe you should call your brothers. You knew this wasn't healthy and you felt like everything was coming down on you at once: the stories you heard at work, being in the hospital, currently just being physically and emotionally exhausted and hungry.

So, you dialed Jay's number.

"Hey, Y/N, what's up?" he asked. He put the phone on speaker so he could finish adding wood to the campfire he was building for him, Hailey, and Will to roast hot dogs over.

"It's just, it's been a really bad day," you said, your voice cracking.

Will was near him and he looked at Jay worriedly.

"Why's that?" Jay asked.

"I- I had to go the hospital with a girl because she- because she said she was going to kill herself." Tears were currently rolling down your cheeks. You had kept it together all day and now you were crumbling.

Working in a group home you knew things like this were bound to happen, but you didn't know they'd happen in your first two months there. And, to make matters worse, you got the email when you were driving into work, so you really had no idea what was going on. When you got to work, you were told you had to go to Lakeshore Memorial Hospital because a girl was saying she was going to kill herself the night before. And, you didn't have the staff to get her back inside safely, so, as is protocol, the shift lead the shift before yours had to call emergency services to take her to the hospital. You didn't know about any of this until you got to work when you were debriefed and then told you'd have to go to the hospital.

God, you knew this happened but nothing prepared you for sitting in that dark room with her all shift, the monitors beeping, telling you that she was still alive. You had done some homework and you had talked with her, gotten more information about why she did it. You had read her file, but she really seemed to open up to you and told you more. And, what broke your heart the most was that, since she was in a group home, she had no family. So, you did your best to sit with her the entire shift, only leaving to go to the bathroom, get some water, or make a phone call to your shift lead. Because, even if you were doing homework and she was sleeping or just sitting in silence, you knew it helped to have someone there with you. And, you knew if it was you in that position, you'd want someone to be there with you.

"Are you okay?" Jay asked, breaking you out of your thoughts.

"No," you admitted. "I don't want to be alone."

Jay sighed. There was nothing he could really do for you at this point. "Y/N--"

"I'll grab my stuff and I'll be there in an hour and half, Y/N," Will interjected.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to leave. I don't want to be alone, but I don't want you wasting your weekend off--"

"Y/N," Will began, "it's fine. I'll see you soon."

***

Will walked inside carrying a bag of McDonald's.

He walked into the living room to see you sipping wine out of the bottle. You weren't even halfway through it yet. You were just a little buzzed because you had drank the martinis a couple of hours ago. So, now you needed to get more buzzed to forget about your horrible shift. Normally you never did this: drink to forget. But today, well today, you deemed it warranted.

"Y/N, at least pour it in a glass," Will sighed and then sat down next to you and set the bag of food on the coffee table in front of you.

"Why's it matter? I'm the only one who drinks Moscato; you and Jay say it's too sweet."

"Yeah, but I don't want you to drink too much."

"But I just wanna forget what happened, Will," you said as you turned to face him. You started to cry. "She's just a kid. She shouldn't be going through this. Hell, she shouldn't have gone through what happened to her in her past! She didn't deserve it!"

Will wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a hug while you cried. He knew because of confidentiality reasons that you couldn't tell him any more than you had just told him and what you mentioned on the phone.

"I know, I know," he soothed.

"I know she didn't- she didn't die," you cried. "But, God, it feels like I got my first death."

"And, crying about it is nothing to be ashamed of," Will said. "When I had my first patient death, I went home and did exactly what you did: cried and drank until I couldn't think straight, much less think about what happened at work."

You pulled away. You didn't think Will ever cried over something that happened at work. "You did?"

"Hand to God, I did."

"How do you cope with this stuff all the time?"

"You do the best you can with the knowledge you have. You talk to somebody about how you're feeling and you don't drown yourself in drinking, drugs, or sex." He moved your bottle of wine. "You cope in healthy ways. And, sooner or later, you realize that you can't save everybody. And, that you can't change the past.

"You can't change what happened in this girl's past to make her end up in a group home or have these intrusive thoughts, but you can help change her future by being there for her and listening to her, and helping her get to a better place."

"That's what I want to do."

"Good, then you're in the right place to do that. You just have to focus on your wins and not your losses."

You pulled away and wiped your hands across your face to get rid of the tears. "Thank you for coming home. I, uh, I really needed that."

Will nodded. "You're welcome. I wished someone would've told me that earlier in medical school and I didn't want you to feel like I felt."

"Is that why you decided to come home and not Jay?"

"Part of the reason."

You raised an eyebrow. "And the other part?"

"I figured Jay and Hailey could use a night all to themselves."

"Gross!" You faked gagged and Will laughed.

"I don't know if you'll be able to eat now that I mentioned that, but how about we try and we can watch a funny movie?"

"I like that idea."

And, even though you really wanted to get buzzed to forget about the day you had, you knew it was better for you to talk about it with Will and eat takeout and watch a movie with him. And, you were pretty sure you felt better after that than you would if you drank an entire bottle of wine by yourself.

A/N: Thank you guys so much for reading! Sorry this one took so long, but I'm in school and working, so updates won't be as frequent as they were in the summer. And finally, please remember to like/reblog and comment! I love reading your comments! As always, if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!

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