#but i am SO curious bc of some things abt myself

[sage-nebula]

The problem I have with most online diagnostic tools for autism is that they're always like, "Are you good at math? Do you like numbers? Do you keep track of license plates for fun?"

And it's like, no! I have dyscalculia! I can't do shit with numbers! But I can memorize lines for a play with only one or two rehearsals even if I don't look at the script in my free time! I can quote entire episodes of The Office down to the intonation the actors used for their lines! Doesn't that count for something? Where are my diagnostic tools that are like, "Are you like the numbers people, but with words instead?"

[clownprince]

GUYS GUYSGUYS OH MY GOD. OHMMYGOD I JUST FIGURED SOMETHING OUT

so after joker gets hit by a train solomon gives him this mysterious green liquid. i've been wondering what it was, my first though was maybe there was an undiscovered lazarus pit in the sewers or something like that. but i was rereading task force z and

it's lazarus resin!!!

maybe grundy grabbed a vial when he tackled bloom? but either way that is definitely the same type of vial and the color is similar (not identical but that's likely bc different artists/colorists!)

my running assumption has been that this line was metaphorical but it's not! it's literal!!! joker DID die when he got hit by the train but grundy brought him back with a vial of lazarus resin!

and i've been making mental connections between tfz and tmwsl the entire time but it was kinda theoretical (and still is!) but the lazarus resin thing makes my theories more plausible for sure imo

so in tfz there are clones, amelia, delia, and celia. the powers company has cloning tech. and they also have memory replacement tech!!! that's what they did with the fake bane! they tampered with his memories. the thinker says that he has cognitive profiles of metahumans but in issue 12 bloom manages to resurrect a dead corpse with the powers company resources and make it think that it's jason todd/red hood, who is definitely not a meta, so evidently they have tech to do the same for non-metas

so my theories are that either:

1. they cloned joker and implanted memories in the clone. this could maybe connect to the network plot in the joker (2021)

2. they found a very fresh corpse with a striking resemblance to joker, and then maybe gave him a nice acid bath and implanted the memories (or they found a way to do this with living people)

i think it's highly likely at this point that sewer rat undead!joker is the real joker, especially after knight terrors. so now the question is: if i'm right about this, who's behind the other (LA) joker? harvey? did bloom somehow survive? geri powers? maybe even waller? and what are they up to? is LA joker an escaped experiment or does whoever's controlling him have an agenda?

[latinokaeya-moving]

everytime. everytime i talk abt finding the whole immortality dilemma a lil funny/Personally trite bc i’ve very desperately wished i was immortal since i was like. 12 years old. i’ve gotten ppl trying to explain why immortality is narratively treated as a bad thing that has many downsides actually as if i haven’t heard the argument of “but you’ll outlive everyone you know🥺” before and just straight up don’t care that much abt it 😭

when i was watching iwtv this weekend w my cousin i brought it up bc obviously vampires r always talking abt the gift/curse of immortality n when i rolled my eyes n jokingly was like immortality rocks actually she very stiffly was like “you just say that bc you haven’t lost someone yet” and like yeah i guess that’s true but also i think you severely underestimate how much i fear my human mortality lol

[noxtivagus]

hmmm. oh my god my mind is a mess i rlly can't write what i want to rn but i will just Dump

[goldentigerfestival]

finishing up my jp vesperia posts and crying in a puddle as i make my one final addition to the changes the dub made

by including the change made to flynn's happiest 360 moment ever but also listening to the jp line and becoming one with my own puddle

the sheer fucking happiness in his voice right from his chest itself while he's saying "dearest friend" im just fuckin'

mamo-chan has so much fucking power over me 😭😭😭

it's not even just the fucking line it's the way it's spoken

[prettyboykatsuki]

how do you reconcile with writing smut about characters who are canonically minors? i’m not trying to attack you or try to change your mind or anything, so sorry if my question reads that way. i’m just genuinely curious 😭

no worries!! this is asked respectfully so i dont mind answering even tho i usually just delete stuff abt this now

idk really know how to answer your question i have not reiterated many times. but like. i want you to really consider your own way of asking this to me critically. like what would i have to "reconcile" with exactly? them being minors in canon?

for me personally there's nothing to reconcile with. i feel no guilt or shame or remorse about aging up characters. or just like wanting to fuck them. or really anything i write in fiction at all, point blank - should i choose to explore it. like there's not crime i've committed other than being horny about some shit i made up, upon the basis some shit another guy made up.

partially this is bc characters in fictions are concepts. they're objects, thoughts, ideas. no matter how brainrotted i am about them, they don't live in material reality. im not harming them because they don't exist. outside of my phone and computer they are not real. harrowing myself with guilt over something that does not even exist is kind of insane. this applies to everything.

you can feel personal discomfort over aging up for yourself, but the reality is no actual minors are harmed in the process of me writing porn about anime characters. bakugou is lines on paper. i am allowed to cut him out like a barbie doll and play with him however i like. he doesn't get a say in that because he is fake lol.

there's like idk. all sorts of nuance to this and if you are respectfully curious im happy to talk to you about it. but they're just not real. no one is hurt in me writing this. so it doesn't matter to me at all. i would never hurt another person because of what im interested in fictionally, either. i have spent too many years becoming a decent human being to wonder about that

nothing i do in the fictional space is of any relevance to who i am, except for what things might cause genuine harm to another living breathing person. i write a lot of dark content in my smut also but

a lot of my content also while being dark, does not specifically deal with sensitive social issues so no one is hurt in that way either. i have enough confidence in my critical understanding of the world to write what i do understand to my ability. i mostly write about noncon and dubcon and yandere, all of which are personal violations and not social ones (OVERSIMPLIFYING THERE A LOT). i sometimes do write about social taboos of course but not whats outside of my ability

all in all its like. i dont know what i'd feel guilty over. no one is hurt and i have no intent to harm. nothing matters outside of that

[communistkenobi]

in that post abt the gender unicorn graphic, in the comments the idea of the “split attraction model” is brought up and you say you dont want to litigate that. however, im really curious what your opinion is bc i have some ideas abt it too. i feel like its sort of an incomplete analysis? like, people feel different ways about others and that cant really be flattened into like two modes of attraction. but i personally would call myself aromantic and bisexual so obviously i have some level of investment of the idea. anyways i just ask because in general i find your analysis and opinions compelling

thank you! re: this graphic

My issue with splitting “physical attraction” and “emotional attraction” is that it does the same naturalising trick that the chromosomes-as-the-symbol-of-sex does - by splitting the emotional from the physical, this implies that physical attraction is natural, without emotion, and by the same token that emotion can exist completely detached from the physical body of the person you emotionally desire. Like I just don’t think this is true! For example, the idea of “casual sex,” ie sex that is devoid of emotion/emotional investment, is a social construction, it is a sexual act that is being contrasted against societal norms of “serious sex” or “invested sex” or whatever you want to call it - sex that is being done in the context of a monogamous, married relationship, or an otherwise exclusive long-term one. the base social unit of much of western society is the nuclear family, and the nuclear family is “ideally” produced by monogamous, cis-heterosexual, racially homogeneous reproductive sex. That is the norm by which all other sexual behaviour and activity is judged by.

and to be clear I’m not using “emotional” in an idealistic or moral sense, I am not using it as a shorthand for romantic feelings, I am purposefully using the language the graphic is using - I mean any emotion. Like just to be super clear, I’m not suggesting that people who have casual sex all secretly love the people they fuck, or that sex has to always be a serious emotional endeavour, or that people who do not feel sexual attraction to the people they have romantic feelings for are secretly lying, but that I don’t think sex is something that can be devoid of emotionality entirely. Like I think we are engaging in this Cartesian body/mind dualism where the physical acts we perform are somehow wholly separate from our emotional states. Pleasure has an emotional component to it, I don’t know how to articulate my experiences with pleasure that do not involve some level of emotionality, and emotionality has a physical character to it. Like in fact I think this graphic is treating emotions as ideal states - it reminds me of like old misogynistic psychological theory that described rationality as an absence of emotion, that to engage in rationality is to move away from emotion. It treats rationality as “out there,” objective, natural, detached from social influence, and emotion as “in here,” in our hearts, ruled by the social. And this distinction is made on the idea that the social world is detached from the physical world, which is pure idealism.

this is not a dismissal or denial of anyone who feels a disconnect between their sexual and romantic desires, such as asexual or aromantic people - while I am neither of those things, I have experienced intense physical desire for the person I’m fucking while actively dissociating during sex as a result of dysphoria/heteronormativity/etc etc. by the same token I have also felt emotionally compelled to be physically attracted to someone without actually feeling physical desire. These are both emotional states that were in conflict with my physical desires, or rather my physical desires as I understood them at the time. our ability to interpret and understand our desires is itself social! otherwise heteronormativity wouldn’t be a thing. We don’t have unmediated, unemotional access to physical desire, which I think this graphic is arguing, intentionally or not.

so having complicated, contradictory, disconnected, or otherwise ‘non-normative’ relationships to our emotional states vis a vis physical desire is obviously very real, and the reason they are real is because physical desire is also socially mediated and constructed. What and who we find attractive, why types of bodies, physical and character traits, etc are attractive to us are all part of (joker voice) society.

now, idk how you easily communicate this in graphic format. perhaps these things are unsuited to the medium of easily digestible graphics, or perhaps I’m limited in my imagination. either way I don’t think bifurcating emotional-desire-as-social and physical-desire-as-natural is particularly helpful

[refeminizeme]

THIS IS A KINK BLOG

18+ ONLY MINORS DNI

Mandatory disclaimer that transphobia in real life sucks and so does misogyny etc and i dont condone pretty much anything on this blog if its not in a consensual kink context, obviously. If this content triggers you pls block me, your mental health comes first.

_______________________________________________

kink list

loves

forcefem/feminization!!!!!!!

bondage esp sh1bari

brainwashing/conditioning/mind control

bimboification/dumbification

hypnosis!!!!!

breathplay (incl. being choked and more)

dp

edging & denial

sensory deprivation ♡

humiliation

consensual blackmailing but only w ppl i REALLY trust

gaslighting/manipulation (consensually and negotiated first, and only w the right person so dont do this right out the gate)

likes

cnc (if in the mood, with the right person i trust, etc)

breeding/sometimes pregnancy

spirals

intox (consensually and for the right person)

degradation in very specific like, um, ways??? like um, i like sweet degradation.

exhibitionism but like um, im not like, TOOOOO into this its a minor kink for me

misogyny kink

hucow

curious about

lactation

will update as i like, think of more???? if u think of anything not on this list ask me about it n like, it just may get added hahahahahaha

hard limits

findom/me

v0mit

watersports/scat

cgl/ddlg/daddy dom anything

age/re

alternate personality stuff/anything related to that

feet

body shaming, esp weight related

weight control/eating disorder stuff

racism/racist slurs/etc

any kind of inc3st including daddy/mommy as a title

ass to mouth in any capacity

rimming (giving)

_______________________________________________

some of my hypnotic triggers im like, willing 2 share publicly:

drop and sleep - some obvious ones, put me into a trance

deeper and deeper - makes me go deep real fast if used after drop and/or sleep

throb - makes me really horny and makes my cunt, well, throb

edge esp in all caps/bolded - makes me immediately reach an edge and if im touching i HAVE 2 stop until the edge has passed

like a good girl - makes me want to obey whatever precedes it

submit/surrender - makes me feel very obedient n like, submissive

truth [question] - makes my subconscious answer a question without my conscious mind being aware of it and i will immediately forget answering the question after

_______________________________________________

i occasionally make detr4ns/misgen/bimbofication files (you can find them here!!) but im primarily a sub.

I used to be ftm and hypnosis fixed my brain 🥴

I've been listening to files for like 4 years+ and this is like, how ive turned out bc of it???? I really am detransitioning n becoming the best bimbo i CAN be irl this is not like, ENTIRELY a fantasy for me but i dont like, condone this stuff outside of a consensual kink context to be clear. ask me abt it if ur confused lol

currently my tits are an F/I cup depending on the day bc i haven't been keeping up my regimen 😅

also fwiw i AM a bigger girl, which like, means dont expect me to be the waifish manic pixie dream girl many guys like, seem to expect??? My icon + header are both me so that shld give u an idea of what to expect.

I have a gdrive folder full of nüdes (51 things including a few videos!!) n im offering access 2 that 4 an upfront donation of whatever we agree is reasonable n a small upkeep donation every so often. I dont update it often, but I do update a lot at once.

Alternatively, should you be interested in more saucy content on the reg, I've made an MYM.fans acct!! I plan 2 upload all the good stuff on there n thats $10 a month, ish.

I also do custom hypnofiles, pics/vids/audios/etc. DM 4 details.

Lastly, should you feel like being generous n tipping/ buying me a gift, my c4sh4pp is $pavementflower n you can buy me gifts/contribute 2 gift money here!!

im in a polyamorous relationship with someone, n also a dynamic with a Dom. im not really looking atm but im open 2 play through asks just dont ask me 2 touch myself as I'm not allowed without permission 🙈

[kamiversee]

SPILL ON UR LOVELIFE OMG WHAT 👀👀 I want fanfic moments too hsjjssj

Are you ready for a yap sesh…

Okay so do y’all rmb that 6ft tall guy I was talking to & said I MIGHT be in love w? Yeah so erm… He was wayyy to lusty for me, so much so that when we talked and he’d say how much he liked me— it just felt weird because it was like “wtf do you like about me aside from the fact that I’m nice & know how to dirty talk??”

And I thought it was ironic that he was too lusty for me even tho I write literal smut in my free time but y’all I’m not even exaggerating when I say nearly every convo w tht man was about sex. And if it wasn’t about sex then it was just about something pertaining to him in general.

Anything he knew about me was info I had to just throw out there to him yk? It was like he never really asked me anything about myself unless it was something sexual. Which irked my nerves so badly because, again, wth did he like about me? The guy didn’t even know my favorite color like ??

But in the beginning I was pretty blindsided by how good the conversations were and I was just happy to receive attention in all honesty.

Anywho tho, I told my bsf about the guy & he was telling me to stop talking to him because it’s going no where, or at least tell him that I want him to start asking things about me but uh…

I’m not that kinda person y’all. I dont want to have to tell someone to be curious about me if they claim to be interested in me. It was so apparent that he was only interested in the way I gave him a listening ear on his struggles & the way I engaged in sexual convos.

So, although I felt like shit for a while because I didn’t wanna be like his other exes tht just up & left him for no reason, I eventually told him I just couldn’t talk to him romantically anymore. NOW, this was damn there the icing on the cake.

While he was really mature about it ending & basically said he understood and wasn’t going to push me about staying or anything, y’all… he didn’t even ask why I wanted things to end. I wasn’t exactly looking for him to ask why but dude, if u claimed to like me as much as you did & were oh so infatuated with me, shouldn’t you wanna know why I suddenly wanna break things off w you??? 😐

Anyway, that ended & we decided to just stay friends. Our convos got shorter and shorter & nowadays he & I both moved on.

ONTO MY CURRENT LOVE INTEREST 😁

Guys hes so.

We started talking from me giving him advice abt his ex and stuff & I met him literally right after that first guy so he even gave me advice abt him and when I told him I felt so shitty about leaving guy numb 1, he reassured me even tho he didn’t know me tht well at the time ^-^

Then from there we just became friends and would talk a lot bc he noticed my lil sugu obsession and told me he looked like him (He does lowk) which led to him sayin I should be obsessed w him instead of Sugu since he’s actually real… he lowk gagged me there guys

Aaaand we’d just talk every day more and more, all on discord btw bc it’s so silly over there (server coming when??) And like, I dont rmb when exactly he caught feelings for me but at some point I could just kinda tell.

The only thing was that it just felt too soon so when he actually confessed to me or wtv, I told him I still wanted to know more about him as a person and whatnot. AND GUYSGUYSGUYS.

So rmb guy1 right? & how he didn’t even know my fav color? I told guy2 about that and he immediately asked abt it. I KNOW that’s smth so small but pls, it was so sweet…. is the bar in hell? Idk, I swear I have standards 🙏

We even had a whole convo abt colors & it was just super cute! >< Another time, I vented and told him how guy1 didn’t rlly put in any effort to get to know me but claimed to like me and guy2 went out of his way to say how he wants to know everything about me

When I tell y’all his confession was like smth out of a damn fanfic. YALLLLLL. And it’s funny bc MLN is actually based on events tht’s happened in my life soo…

Anywho, guy2 is amazing and ilhsm. He’s so sweet and silly, I wanna eat him yall ☹️

We talk everyday & I’ve ruined my sleep schedule juust a bit for him (it was ruiened beforehand tbh)!

That’s pretty much how things r goin for me rn. Guy1 & guy2 did interact w each other at one point and it was sooo messy yall, I was not feelin it but thats a story for another time frfr

I hope you guys enjoyed my podcast :3

[pestorik]

can you please expand on deuce/riddle ??? im rlly curious abt them tgt in your AU,,,,

(if you have the time i would also love to read abt azurid & mallerid :D ! no pressure though! im mostly interested in deurid ^^)

the riddle ship trifecta...

i enjoy them bc i think riddle really needs a calm presence in his life that makes him feel like he can act in ways he never had the freedom to do before, without feeling judged or made fun of. whether that is acting childish and silly or just expressing emotion freely. he's obviously really sensitive to being teased so he needs someone who is ok with that and just finds joy in his joy.

i relate to this a lot bc i myself am a very sensitive person, and get emotional really easy but im also very cynical and dry, so i think ppl see that contrast and find it funny. which is fine, but i get hurt or annoyed really easily by teasing bc i think what i really want is for someone to see how easily i get emotional (like crying at almost every movie i watch) and rather than seeing it as smth weird and funny, they recognize my empathy as something good. i want someone to see the value and worth in my emotions, no matter how trivial they seem.

and i think riddle needs that too. deuce isnt super smart but i think he's really earnest and riddle would appreciate that about him. he shows a lot of self awareness in recognizing how his past actions hurt his mom, and realizing he needs to be proactive if he wants to be a better person. very few ppl are willing to admit when they are the problem. he's just a very soft guy, but like, passionately soft. he wants so bad to be good. and i think he would want so badly for riddle to be happy, it would become really important to him just like his mom's happiness.

malleus is super honest about his intentions, which i think riddle needs bc his lack of social skills leave him anxious. he probably would get too frustrated having to play games and guess feelings. malleus just has a super calming presence and riddle needs that so bad. i think they are both pretty awkward bc of their upbringing so maybe they could find comfort in each other, knowing there's no judgement.

azul is none of these things lol 😂 i do NOT think these 2 would be a perfect healthy couple but i enjoy their dynamic. riddle is sensitive ofc but hes also super smart which is why i like the thought of them together. the two top students, not really in a competitive way, more like they recognize each other's weaknesses but also highly respect each other. to the point that they wouldnt ever make a move against the other. i could see them having a more loving relationship but in my mind they are more like a power couple lmao. like two powerhouses joining forces. i do think seeing riddle trying to overcome his own trauma and be a nicer person could inspire azul to do smth similar, realizing that if he likes and respects riddle, there must be some value in kindness without reward.

none of these would be canon in the AT au unfortunately, at least not in my mind (you can do whatever you like with it tho, it also doesnt mean i wont still talk/draw about it). there would definitely still be interactions among them with plenty of room for interpretation. obviously the most between deuce and riddle bc they are both HL.

i could see an episode where riddle recruits deuce to help him repair one of the elephant guardians (since deuce is good at repairing stuff) and they become closer. bc deuce used to get up to a lot of trouble he also has a lot knowledge of some of the rougher parts of the kingdom (im referring to deuces former crew as the spoiled fruit gang) and probably accompanies riddle when he needs to go there. riddle might sometimes go to deuce for advice on his relationship w his mother, since deuce is close w his mom. it would be cute if deuces mom came to really adore riddle and gave him a lot of the experiences he didnt get w his own mother.

[grecoromanyaoi]

hate sending asks like this on anon but I'd just like to block and move on after this with no notifications, so you'll have to pardon that lol. Anyways. with the word "Transandrophobia" out of the question I'd like to ask why you percieve transmasc folk as this sort of ever-present ideological threat to transfems or the idea of being transgender as a whole. I am unsure what the purpose of this /is/, why you seem to act like transmisogyny is inherent to transmasculinity. I'm not interested in debate as a whole, which is why this is anon in the first place, but I'm genuinely curious as to what brought you to placing these two together. I know I know, it's not that deep and etc, but that quite literally is what you are saying when you make statements like "the transmasc community is home to 5 types of guys and they're all the worst". That is transphobia. Transphobia toward any branch or tiny little part of the community has a flat effect- it affects us all the same. Trans people are all degenerate trannies in the eyes of our ((western, tbf)) society- we all get viewed similarly, transphobes do not make the distinction between who is masc or fem or who is TME and who is TMA and the intricacies of our existences. Do you like. Actually, FULLY understand that when you make those sorts of blanket statements and claims about a part of the trans community online you inspire more of the gender-expression-policing and gender essentialism that also affects transfems? that also affects transneutral people? that IS Kalvin Garrah/Blair White rhetoric, in one of its many forms. Like, you are genuinely inspiring what you're attempting to take a stand against.

I'm saying this with no knowledge of your heart or your life or social circles, which I'm fully aware of- but truly, seriously, read more queer theory and talk to more of your local irl queer discussion.

i rly dont think its that deep. i dont think me making fun of specific archetypes of transmascs, as a trans man myself, is such a big deal. i talk abt jews like this all the time too. and yeah i tie transandrophobia truthers to transmisogyny bc more often than not they display transmisogyny in their defense of the transandrophobia label. like i tie transandrophobia truthers to being zionists w a victim complex. bc these things to together more often than not. and i dont think me thinking some archetype of guy is insufferable is something reading judith butler will solve

[lokisgoodgirl]

hi babe <33

let me tell you a very funny (slightly embarrassing) story that happened last week!!

so i was helping the english department at my school clean out their big and very outdated literature study books bc im best friends with all of them duh

anyway . im casually oohing and aahing at every book i see and stealing whatever poetry book i can find that they dont want anymore

until i come across this small pocketsized book! its teal and the spine is cracked and from afar the big S on the cover and the teal colour makes it look like fucking. Shrek. so naturally i was like ???? A SHREK PLAY???

and so i picked it up bc a gal got curious!! and i look closer and it turns out to be Henry IV part 1! and bc i cant keep my big mouth shut i yelled "OH M GOD ISNT THIS THE TOM HIDDLESTON PLAY???" and the entire office went. Quiet.

And they all turned to look at me. mind you these are women who ARE in Tom's age range so they pretty much grew up with his work!!! and ofc they KNOW him its tom hiddleston. and one of them was like " the??? the tom hiddleston play??" and trying to save my dignity (not that im embarrassed but also kind of) i was like yeah ? didnt tom hiddleston play in this?? to try and keep myself casual like no what im not an obsessed fan hello im So Normal about him!! i could feel my face burst into fucking flames bc how do i explain to these women that im obsessed with his work while they look at me like they know I read fanfiction (like THEY DONT. THEY DO. I KNOW THEY DO. BC THEY ALWAYS MENTION IT.)

and so then. the entire fucking department spent the day picking up whatever stupid Shakespeare book they can find and saying really loudly IS THIS A TOM HIDDLESTON PLAY?? and i guess they ALL assume now the ONLY WAY I KNOW ANY ENGLISH LITERATURE is through Tom Hiddleston.

absolutely embarrassing. but i got to keep the book so WHATEVER.

but oh my god i think a part of my pride died that day. it was REALLY FUNNY but oh my god. no i DO know english literature i JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT TOM HIDDLESTON PLAYED IN A FEW OF THEM!!! leave me ALONE.

i cannot believe i had to out myself like that. no actually i dont care but its the fact that these women KNOW the sort of stuff going on out there i am 90% sure some of them HAVE WRITTEN FANFICTION BEFORE and i had to sit there and act like i didnt just finish reading the most filthy panty melting smut of some tom hiddleston character. like hello. oh my god. it was funny but also horrifying.

anyway so now the whole department knows me by association to The Tom Hiddleston Play and a) oh my fucking god but b) cant help but giggle a little if they MUST know i AM Crazy abt him and his work idc WHAT they say (they act like they dont have friday movie nights where they watch whatever play he's got.)

anyway. the end.

This is the stuff life is made of 😆❤️ I was laughing and cringing along with you omg. So funny🤣

"IS ✨THIS✨ A TOM HIDDLESTON PLAY?!" 🤣

It sounds like they were very sweet and jokey about the whole thing. And yes, fanfiction will be no biggie to them I'd bet😂

It reminded me of when I was casually explaining to my parents why exactly my football-allergic ass was going to Soccer Aid last year with @lokischambermaid - and I fumbled and said "oh, well there's an ac-torr that she and I are fans of and so you know we're just err-"

My Mum, who I have never mentioned TH too before in my puff: "Is that Tom Hiddleston?" 🤨

Me: 😵😵"...yes"

And that was all that was said about it 🤣but she knew. She has eyes. Awkward moments are so funny in hindsight. Thank you for sharing this with me🤣

[toxicanonymity]

Raider Joel😌😌 oh how I love him. I love that the reader is just like his doll. It’s like so fucked up🤪🤪

I was also curious bc i have some tattoos, piercings, old sh scars that kinda like display my past and who I am. And I wonder how Joel would feel abt that (since I imagine myself as sweet pea🤭)

I’m assuming he wouldn’t say anything but I’m like curious what would he think if sweet pea had some tattoos or distinguishing scars or stuff like that. Like evidence of a life she had before him. I feel like it would trip him up bc he’d be reminded that she’s like a whole person with a life that he pulled her out of and he actually has no idea who she really is lolololz

Also still just obsessed with how she’s like his toy like idk that’s just so hot to me. Ugh I love raider Joel😪

Here’s also what I imagine their height diff is

Ok that’s it byeeeeeeee

raider if you had scars, tattoos, etc.

Raider master ⭐ Raider latest: Night Air

I love this, thank you. Hypothetical scars and tattoos would totally be evidence of a whole life he pulled her out of. I think early on, he still has a very effective, cold, tough-guy filter he sees things through and he's able to tune that stuff out, everything blurring into the one flat surface of "you," kind of like the white noise of a library where people are talking, but you don't listen to what they're saying. Then as he changes and grows, he begins to notice them more, wonders about them. If you caught his thumb brushing over the same scar above your knee a couple of times, maybe he notices you noticing, and (for now) he kinda tries to play it off, sliding his hand up to squeeze your thigh. There's a point where it might give him little twinges of guilt. And ultimately affection, like yeah, this is my sweet pea, she's not like any other person, this is what *mine* looks like and everything about her is pretty.

---

lmao idk what that pic is from but the hand in the bottom left is sending me. In my head, for some reason raider joel is a little bigger than the other joels lol idk how tall sweet pea is.

Also, raider PWP in T-minus four hours.

[kingusukaras]

some (mildly disjointed) thoughts i had about the translation of most recent leona overblot scene from the second twst novel. unsaid disclaimer is obvi these are just my thoughts and youre free to disagree. i cant stop you

read more because i might ramble a bit 💆🏾‍♀️

i'll start by saying that i'm very grateful for the novel & yuureis translations, bc its given me so much to chew on wrt leonas psyche and mental state, much more than book 2 in the game did. i havent bothered to go looking for reactions tho, bc i can already kind of predict the takes i'll find (knowing how parts of the fandom talks abt leona generally) - and i do "get" it, in the sense that i do also feel the way he tortures ruggie before he overblots is upsetting - but theres so much to dig into here, i feel like its such a waste to get hung up on obsessively moralizing

(i'll mention here that to formulate these thoughts i'm also pulling from the translation of leona's post-overblot scene, plus some moments from the game that i'll mention specifically as i go)

for example, the things leona says pre-overblot, his meltdown about dreams being stupid and useless, how the savanaclaw students (ruggie included) aren't meant to question him; they're meant to obey quietly, sound less like actual things he's trying to tell them and more like him lashing out at himself. as in, he's more talking at them, not to them. skipping forward to book 6: there we see leona give jamil advice, but the implication underneath is that everything he's telling jamil are things leona wishes he had internalized himself - again here, he's talking to someone, but really it's also directed inwards. almost like it's easier for him to look at (and speak about) himself critically when he can externalize it as critique of other people

the other thing im curious about is the distant, detached persona he adopts when he's truly angry. this'll be quick because i don't feel i have enough information to unpack it properly, but if i allow myself to spin thoughts out from limited information: it could almost be a habit he picked up as a child - something he might've forced himself to learn as part of an effort to be seen as more of a 'model' prince. if people were afraid of his moodiness because they feared what his UM (he) could do, then if he swallows those emotions maybe he can mitigate that. this, ofc, being shot through with the expectation that, as royalty, any order he gives people will obey

the final thing, for this post at least, is unpacking the way leona lashes out at ruggie when ruggie defies him. i'm willing to make the very safe bet that most of the reading of this moment is focused on leona being angry over being defied at all, or general disgust at how small and weak ruggie is (appears) to be. and while i think both of those points have some element of truth to them, i think the larger aspect of leonas reaction is jealousy. ruggie somehow, despite everything, despite all of the disadvantages life has thrown at him, still has the courage to have determination. and i want to be very clear here: this is not me saying being poor or struggling is admirable because it makes you strong - i'm not naive and i'm not here to romanticize poverty. what i am trying to say here ruggie's tenacity - a tenacity his life circumstances developed in him - is something that leona lacks, and that's what he's jealous of. he's jealous of his inability to keep having that hope, to maintain that courage in the face of his own repeated failures

(an aside: isn't it ironic that part of the reason ruggie has that tenacity is leona? leonas tutoring, leonas effective leadership of the spelldrive club, and as housewarden?)

(an aside 2x: in many ways, 'giving up' can be seen as a luxury. ruggie does not have the luxury to give up, because it could very well mean that he doesn't eat that day. for leona, regardless of what he does he's going to have a roof over his head and three square meals a day anyway, so what does it matter if he gives up? sure, he won't be happy, but he'll be comfortable in a material sense, and isn't that enough? except, of course, it isn't - not for him. as much as he tries to deny it, he's as fiercely ambitious as the rest of his dorm)

[satoruxx]

RHEYAAA MY LOVE <333333 i am here with a cup of tea and a bunch of treats for you 🍵🍰🍦🍮

…. and some selfship questions :3c

OK SOOOOOOO I HAVE TO ASK . ABOUT KAEYA AND DILUC . I LOVE THEM SO BAD I LOVE YOU SO BAD……. i’d love to know about your love languages!! for both ships!!!!! how do you show them you care, and how do they show you they care? <33 also, what is your relationship with their brother like in each respective selfship?? do you get along? :3

and then . gojo ….. (idk if you selfship with shoko at all but this question absolutely goes for her too if so!!) what do you do for each other when you’re having a rough day?? :’)

ily rheya <333 take as much time as you need with this i got . a little carried away with the questions 😭 BUT I’D LOVE TO HEAR ABT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU WANNA SHARE <33333 sending you so many kisses and hugs!!!!!!

ARIIII HI AGAIN !!!! gratefully accepting all the treats pls come sit with me so we can share them and cuddle <333

giggling and kicking my feet at all these questions i love you so so much !!!! buckle in bc this got much longer than i expected it to...

OKAY FIRST MY FAV TRAGIC BROTHER DUO

me n kaeya....bicker a lot lmao !! but that's how we show affection :33 i think both of us would be very big on quality time !! kaeya would also lean towards a lot of physical touch bc he's a silly lil guy that can't keep his hands to himself <33

as for me n diluc...i think diluc is a very acts of service type of guy !! he doesn't say a lot but he shows affection by doing things for me which is so sweet :33 as for me i think i'd be a big physical touch girlie with him (i won't let go of him he's probably so tired of me LMAO)

i can't see myself being on truly bad terms with either brother since both selfships are a childhood friends to lovers trope hehe !! so i wouldn't be able to hate either of them <///3 when i'm with kaeya i would be on courteous terms with diluc, mostly a hello how are you type thing (which makes me a lil sad since we were all close when we were kids) but diluc has chosen to remain distant.

but when i'm with diluc i'd be on really good terms with kaeya since he's always hanging around angel's share and stuff (and i think kaeya would be more eager to talk to me than diluc would be) !! hopefully that makes sense i feel like i just rambled....

NOW ONTO JJK

i won't lie me n satoru have the most thought out relationship out of all my selfships bc i've quite literally been thinking about him for four years now. when i'm having a rough day satoru is on a mission to cheer me up, but won't ever admit it. he'll subtly do things to make me happy like playfully annoy me or take me to do things i enjoy !!

as for if he's in a bad mood, i'd just get him things he likes (like sweets) and tease him until he's grinning and teasing back. i think we'd have a very bickering heavy relationship so i know he's all better when he's got that dynamic back (a couple of hugs and kisses here and there wouldn't hurt either) <33

this might sound weird but we don't necessarily talk about our bad days/things we struggle with. it's more so a type of thing where we can just tell that smth is wrong, and the best way to deal with that is just be present. so basically actions over words and we never bring it up again lmao...

shoko and i are very different. i am 100% more clingy with her so if i'm having a bad day she will let me cuddle with her or just stay attached to her hip until i'm better. she'll probably act all teasy and semi exasperated but i'd like to think she doesn't mind :33

and if she's having a bad day she usually won't admit it so i'll do my best to make her laugh. find me ripping the cigarettes away from her and smothering her with a whole bunch of kisses <////3

i'm so sorry ari bby i ended up ranting a lot but this was so much fun to talk about !! tysm for sending them in i'm smooching you until you're tired of me :33

also pls pls pls tell me about your selfships i'm so curious !! who do you selfship with ari ?? tell me all about them <33333

[narwhalandchill]

wait aint no fucking way an actual genshin loretuber even jokingly acknowledged the rabbit hole insanity that is childe 3rd descender theories what the fuck.

is it finally legal for me to break my self imposed silence on the subject without publicly and shamefully removing all my credibility on genshin lore. please please . this is a super fucking vulnerable moment for me guysssss

(under read more bc full disclosure 100% i Will embarrass myself here. this is NOT on my top of the line Childe Theories And Analysis That I Will Defend In Court Under My Legal Name if Questioned list please understand. this is way more self indulgent and wildly speculative for me as much as i do Genuinely see there being a ground for the theory to stand on. ik when im off to the deep end JKWDKJJKWDJKWD)

like seriously be Aware this WILL be a complete mess btw you have all been warned so like no refunds accepted. if youd like to keep an image of me in your head where i am even slightly respectable and realistic when it comes to my theories please stay there. in the light. where the sun shines.

......

...

so. you have chosen death. o7

ok firstly. YES i KNOWW childe 3rd descender theory is batshit stuff thats Why i havent said shit abt it all this time bc i do Not trust myself to be truly objective on the subject bc i Want the theory to be real so bad so its like of course ill readily disregard all other possible candidates for 3rd descender bc bias. and also see it as more plausible that ajax has sth to do w that and make connections more readily. than any lore enthused person existing without his continued rent free existence in their brain for the last 3+ years. so like. yes. listen. i Know i know its prolly not real. but also i must # speak my truth .

anyway the vid didnt even fully touch on all the like. shady fucking shit when it comes to the Curious coincidences. bc like. so firstly the star thing and connections w childe

so wei did bring up the whole . ajax is released on patch 1.1 called "a new star approaches" (and also polar star is his sig) . except like Theres More bc while i was researching random childe brain rot stuff (sadly dont remember/have a link to where i first saw it) . that title in CN is even more pointedly About ajax bc apparently its about a "guest star". and a guest star again according to that post at least is specifically considered an omen of bad luck in chinese astrology. a guest star approaching = a disaster approaching. like mayhaps a ginger guy resurrecting osial or something . huh . maybe ajax Is the guestpilled starmaxxer in that title. the approacherrrrrr, even

secondly. there are some well hidden references to ajax As A Star in the fontaine AQ too. bc the act III where we go looking for him after he goes missing is called "to the stars shining in the depths" except again i have found a source (yes no link to it saved once again my bad) that its titled "to the morning star in the deep water" in chinese. which is again star singular. curious

then theres the act III official description. that goes "the moment it seized its destiny, the star quietly fell from its lofty perch". and like idk abt yall but if its fontaine AQ act III and you ask me WHOS out there seizing their destiny of all things. It Seems Somewhat Plausible To Argue that its PROBABLY referring to the guy thats out there getting teleported to the primordial sea to face the creature thats Literally etched into the stars as his constellation. like . i have a very Difficult time trying to see the star that is seizing its destiny at this moment as Anyone but him reuniting w the narwhal for the first time in a decade and his 1st thought is to throw hands JKJKWDJKWDJKWDJK

(also. "fell from its lofty perch". fell from where. falling towards where. mayhaps even................ descending?????? if Seizing your destiny is taking your fate into your own hands.... a star that Falls from its perch.... that Descends after seizing its destiny....... Curious is all i will say. hey guys do you think your vision would mayhaps begin rejecting you if you start seizing ur own destiny and thus failing to follow the "duty" of predestined fate that same vision had bestowed upon you. guys do you think a star that seizes its destiny and falls from its lofty perch would get vision error 404. guys----)

also this is a smaller thing bc i think ascension mat theories are largely fringe and not that reliable (ning guizhong reincarnation "theories" ThoseWhoKnow) but i do think it can be acknowledged as a sort of. Extension to all these curious references to stars and being A Star when it comes to childe. he does use Star Conches for ascension . so like it can be a little extra on top of the other more serious more Professionally Certified star things hoyo is curiously attaching to him

so like . a star. a star also being a thing the traveler is repeatedly called. its so quirky that this pattern continues. so thats one thing

oh and also. if childes the non-descender (bc he clearly hasnt regained that status Yet) reincarnated soul of the 3rd descender.

you know what. a dead star. if its massive enough. like perhaps massive enough in some genshin metaphysical fantasy way. to be a star that counts as a descender with a will that rivals a world. if a heavy enough. star. dies. you know. you know what they turn into---

[THERE IS A MAD GLEAM IN MY EYES. YOU HEAR BOSS MUSIC.]

Anyway Hello Dear Reader Of Mine Humble Blog Would You Like To Spare A Moment To Discuss How The All-Devouring Narwhal That Consumes Any And All Stellar Object Coming Into Its Orbit Also Known As Ajax' Reflection In Teyvat's Skies Is Essentially A Sentient Living Black Hole And How A Black Hole Is Formed When A Star Dies? No? Okay.

like wouldnt it be super fucking funny if the constellation of the dead descenders reincarnated soul is a creature that for all intents and purposes is a black hole. like. a dead star. wouldnt that be funny

and before you ask. yes i have thoughts that would make ajax & narwhal are soulmates slash halves of the same entity that remains fully compatible with the 3rd descender brainrot but i. will Not subject you people to that. theres "respectably self aware insane theory i indulge in but know the limitations of" and then theres "jens top 10 personal jenshin impact plot twist wishlist please fulfill mr dawei pwease i swear itll be peak" like ffs. it might seem otherwise given the words i am saying right now but i do have Some propriety

the divine halberd was shattered into NINE piece---- (GUNSHOT)

whoa. what a loser high on her own hopium i wonder who that was. good thing the snipers got her ass there

back to your regularly scheduled programming. obviously theres other things that would very conveniently be explained by this 3rd descender shit as well like. dead eyes. soul of a dead descender thats in Literal Pieces body wise. the dead star that carries a curse above ground upon first making contact with the truth of his being aka post abyss training camp post meeting his mirror imaged destiny in his narwhal. a curse like mayhaps bringing chaos whenever he goes. an incompatibility with the world. drawing everything into his orbit being the eye of the storm or perhaps... the Singularity???? the event horizon??? a source of endless unrest and disaster........ just like the curse of a gnosis TEE HEE .

anyway super funny how that goes. and then another thing wei didnt really. fully go into is naturally the

(DEEP BREATH)

3rd son of his family with 3 older siblings and 3 younger siblings 3rd limited character ever released with 3 names and the 3rd weekly boss with 3 phases each representing 3 unique sources of power (vision, delusion and foul legacy) a 3 petaled symbol aka the triquetra of riptide and six in-game constellations divided into 3 subgroups with 3 unique prefixes (foul legacy, abyssal mayhem, havoc in eng) 3 days missing from teyvat and 3 months spent in abyss is 3rd to wield foul legacy after surtalogi and skirk

also the first character to receive a 3rd rateup banner ANYWAY (also the possible. is the 3rd reincarnation of the original ajax thing. but yeas)

[Me When I'm In A Be Suspiciously Associated With The Number 3 Competition And My Opponent Is Childe Ajax Tartaglia]

isnt it just silly. how many times it comes up. Nobody talk to meeeee its so over

theres prolly some other things too that i have driven myself to madness with when thinking abt this but idr em right now and like . not like this is any manner of serious respectable theory anyway sooooooooo

anyway ill stop embarrassing myself now. like as i said i have been legally forcing myself into silence on this bc listen. i KNOW this is bullshit i KNOW im a deranged biased childe main who will do Anything just to cook up a fantasy version of genshins endgame lore where My Dude is at the center stage and gets to be a massive fucking deal yes 100% deserve to be disqualified on account of terminal stage blorbo bias when it comes to theories on the subject i just. the fact that this is the FIRST time i see Any loretuber person acknowledge the theory. i just had to come in here and let it be known that. Yes. ive been seeing this shit and thinking abt it SINCE 4.2 dropped since that stupid fucking note about forsaking the self and being reborn in the abyss as a holy infant or a primordial human or a descender and that somehow Thats called Ajax. of all things. its horribleeee it eats me alive