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misslavenderlady · 1 year

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The Boy is Mine 🤬

Michael/Female!OC

Summary: Michael has had enough of Sis stealing the attention of David, so they hash it out and get very aggressive. But while they certainly hate each other, they can at least show a little love~

This is a collab I did with @ghoulgeousimmaculate. It features her OC from Party The Pain Away, but takes place in an AU where Michael is still in the Lost Boys. This has references to her stuff, and takes place in the modern world, not 1987! We did equal work for this, so please like and reblog Ghoulie's version!

WARNINGS: Nsfw/18+ Readers Only, Dark Fic, Jealousy, Anger Issues, Physical Aggression, Rivalry, Insults, Verbal Abuse, Physical Violence, Fighting, Vampire Powers, Flirting, Vaginal Fingering, Pussy Spanking, Dom/Sub, Riding, Rough Sex, Vaginal Sex, Missionary, Choking, Risk of Sub Drop, Aftercare, Hurt/Comfort

Credit to @skeletonfumes for the vamp gif

August of 1987. That's when David came into Michael's life and completely changed everything. What was supposed to be a simple move to a beach town turned into a whirlwind of horrors and bloodshed as he learned that his friends were actually vicious vampires. His transformation into one of them happened in such a short amount of time.

35 years later, Michael was still stuck in the body of an eighteen-year-old. At first, he was furious with David for making him what he was now. A monster that roamed the streets only at night, constantly hearing whispers from strangers talking about how he wasn't one of them. He should hate this life. Sometimes he really did.

But as hard as he tried, he couldn't fight the connection he had with David. Decades ago he would have laughed at the idea of soulmates. Now he felt he would die if he ever left David's side. The sense of Stockholm Syndrome was strong, but he didn't care. He was David's and David was his.

That was until a certain girl from Baltimore came into their undead lives.

Sis. David’s wife and a constant thorn in his side. He and the boys met her at a concert about four years ago. They initially marked her as a meal, but fate had other plans. By sheer dumb luck, she escaped and left them with empty bellies for the evening. It was rare for a meal to slip through their fingers, so naturally, David and the boys became obsessed with hunting her down.

Thanks to Marko’s social media prowess, they were able to find the girl and invite her on a date. Michael came along for the ride for the food, but the evening ended with the ebony beauty cradled in David’s arms, blubbering about her demons.

David loved innocence and vulnerability. All the boys did, hence why that one moment of fragility drew David to her. Fast forward and now Michael had to share his soulmate with his wife and 2-year-old daughter—an eternity he did not expect when he made his first kill back in the 80s.

Michael's hotheadedness had followed him into his second life. While once upon a time his anger and frustration were put on David, that temper was now focused right on Sis. He could handle sharing David with all of the Lost Boys. He could handle David fucking any pretty young thing that came their way before going in for a bite.

He couldn't handle Sis.

There was a deep hatred for the girl. It boiled and simmered in his core, slowly growing with each passing year. In his eyes, she had stolen the love of his life. She turned David into her own personal hubby, and it broke his heart. Michael would always put on a happy face for David, but under the surface he was consumed by pure anger.

He would often glare behind her back, staring deeply as he tried to figure out what made her so special. Was it the cutesy voice? The long locs? The soft skin? The voluptuous body….

Okay, so there were other feelings for Sis in the mix, but Michael would never in a million years admit to it. She was the enemy in his eyes. He hated her. If he wasn't careful, all of that jealousy was going to get the better of him.

One night, Sis strolled into the room, gliding in that tantalizing way she always did. The so-called Queen had returned from a hunt—her full lips and chin smeared with blood. The gore on her skin and the stench of lust filled the room as she traveled. The brunet vampire couldn’t help but watch her hips sway as she walked, temporarily becoming mesmerized by her seductive gait.

He snapped himself out of the deadly trance after a few moments. He rose to exit the room, a coping mechanism he’d adapted to keep his sanity when the vixen wandered too close. Michael hadn’t made it to the door before he heard a sultry coo that caused rage to boil in his chest.

“Good evening, Daddy,” Sis purred as she boldly perched herself in David’s lap before kissing him on his nose. “Did you miss me?”

David absolutely adored hearing her call him that. For Michael, it was like nails on a chalkboard.

Michael wouldn't lie, he had his own set of daddy issues from his father's emotional neglect and lack of desire to take custody of his kids in the divorce. When he got more comfortable with his sexuality, Michael found himself calling David that name in bed quite a bit. It just fit the leader all too well.

So when he heard Sis call his beloved that, it made his blood boil. Seeing her sit on his lap like a spoiled little princess was making him fume hotter than the fires of hell.

It didn't help that David was completely focused on her. He smirked devilishly, taking out his handkerchief to wipe her stained face. The way he caressed his wife's cheek made Michael feel extra possessive. He should be the one getting touched by David. Not her. That little bitch.

Michael seethed, glaring at the spectacle in front of him. The sight of seeing her fawn over his mate drove him insane. He was sick of it, and tonight he was going to put her in her place once and for all.

He turned on his heel, strolling over as the little tramp giggled and ground her ass on David’s lap like an animal in heat. Michael boldly cleared his throat, standing in front of the couple with his chin up and chest out.

“Sis, may I speak to you for a moment?” Michael requested to the fledgling vampire, sporting a look on his face that said he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

The curvy woman giggled, waving Michael away as she nibbled at David’s neck. “I’m busy at the moment. Maybe later.”

Oh no. He wasn't going to be having any of that bullshit.

In that moment, Michael felt the fire burning hotter and brighter inside of him. If someone were to look close enough, they would probably see smoke coming out of his ears. He wasn't going to play second fiddle to some bimbo.

In a flash, he reached out and grabbed hold of her shirt. He yanked her off of their mate's lap, tugging her upward like she was a doll. She squealed in surprise at such an action, and David watched Michael with curiosity.

Long ago he had done something similar with David when he was looking for Star. Now Sis was the one that was going to feel his wrath.

"I don't think so, little girl," he growled. Michael was older, stronger and far more devoted than her. He was going to make that perfectly clear right now.

"Playtime with Daddy is over. My nest. Now."

Sis looked at Michael with doe eyes, her inner submissive momentarily triggered by the dominant action. But she quickly gathered herself and yanked her blouse from Michael’s grasp before standing on heeled feet. She smoothed her skirt, petulantly looking down her nose at the grumpy brunet.

“What’s got your knickers in a twist, lover boy?” Sis cooed as she eyed him from head to toe. “This better be important to interrupt the—ahem—massage David promised,” she giggled, shooting a mischievous glance to David before strutting past Michael towards the tunnels. Sis disappeared into the darkness, leaving only her scent trail behind.

Michael followed suit, leaving David to ponder the tension between his two most prized possessions. He had an inkling about what was going on. He’d keep an ear out because that’s what a good Alpha does, but he figured the two would quickly air their grievances and pound out their frustrations. He lit a cigarette, crossing his ankle over his knee as he nosily waited for what he knew would come.

Meanwhile, Sis sat crossed legged in a wingback chair in Michael’s nest. The large furnishing dwarfed her petite frame. With her striking good looks and elegance, she looked like the Queen she was.

But Michael wasn't going to be swayed by her beauty. He was just as much of a powerful vampire as the other Lost Boys. He was going to make it abundantly clear to her what was going to happen. No more nonsense.

"You think you're real fuckin' cute, don't you?" he asked, eyes narrowed and arms crossed.

"I dunno, I've been told I'm downright adorable quite a bit~"

Sis smirked back at him as she nestled into the chair more. It pissed Michael off seeing her so comfortable in his space. It was like she was trying to mark her territory or something.

"I don't like you. Ever since you showed up, you've been nothing but a pain. I only went along with the flirting because I wanted to hunt your ass and make you dinner. You really pissed me off when you seduced David all those years back."

That certainly caught her attention. Sis raised an eyebrow and sat up straighter. She was growing quite curious at such a bold confession.

"Oh is that right, Mikey~?"

"You're goddamn right it is!!" Michael snapped. "David was mine first! I fell in love with him before you were even born!"

The more he went on, the more Michael's temper worsened. His mother would be furious to see him talking to a lady like this. He was usually so respectful of women, but right now he was just thinking about how much Sis got on his nerves. His words grew harsher as he went on.

"You have no right to throw yourself at him like some slut! Just because you dress like one doesn't mean you can act like one too."

Sis laughed, letting out a deranged saccharine cackle before addressing Michael. “Looks like someone’s jealoouuss,” Sis sang in a crazed tune as she leaned forward in the chair, her mannerisms mimicking Marko’s melded with David’s. “How dare you speak to me that way. I’m your Queen.”

“You’re my pain in the ass.” Michael spat.

“Am I really?” Sis taunted as she stood to her full height, crossing the room to stand in front of Michael. “Because that tent in your pants tells me otherwise. Looks like you have a thing for me after all.”

Michael growled, towering over Sis to emphasize his displeasure. His power over her. “Watch your mouth, little girl.”

Sis laughed, smirking up at Michel with her baby doll face. “I will do no such thing. You wanted me, and now you’ve got me, so I’m going to tell you about yourself. Because I see you for what you are. You’re jealous. A jealous little Mama’s boy with Daddy issues. You lost your first Daddy in the divorce, and now you’re afraid you’ll lose this one. But the caveat is you already have. David is mine. And deep down inside, you know that, and it drives you crazy because you can’t see what he sees in me. Can’t see why I’m the keeper of his heart.”

“Damn right I can’t, you bitch. What makes you so fucking special?” He whispered with malice. “All those years. All those years I put in, and you come along and get a ring? His hand in marriage?”

“I can easily show you,” Sis enticed with glowing golden eyes, her hand slithering to stroke his manhood through his pants. “There are many reasons why David’s addicted,” she flirtatiously teased.

Michael hissed, flustered from the titillating sensation that her dainty hands caused. He felt his loins stir beneath her palm, and he was disgusted. The nerve! Michael stepped back, adjusting himself through his pants. He glared at Sis after, baring his fangs as she wheezily giggled at his expense.

“Flustered by little ol’ me?” She jabbed as she batted her eyelashes. “Such a shame for a big bad vampire to be afraid of a little fledgling. What a willowy spine you have. And if you’re wondering, that’s another reason why David chose me. Because I’m strong. Daddy wanted someone with a backbone.”

“That’s rich coming from the woman who withers like a flower in the rain when she’s in Marko’s presence.”

Sis scowled, hissing at Michael with rage. “Master may make me weak in the knees, but when I was human, I fought a better battle than you ever did. Now run along,” Sis dismissed as she waved him away again. “Star probably needs you to kiss her boo-boos. Daddy promised to massage me from the inside, and that’s where I’ll be until sunrise.”

Sis haughtily brushed past Michael, pettily knocking into him and throwing him off balance for a moment. She strolled towards the exit with a click of heels and a whole lot of attitude as she dismissed Michael for the chump she thought he was. Despite his advanced age, she saw him as beneath her. She was Queen. She was David’s wife and the mother of his child. Michael couldn’t compare.

Still, he wasn't going to let her go without a real fight.

"Oh no you don't, you little bitch!"

In a flash, Michael latched onto Sis' wrist, dragging her back into his room and throwing her up against the wall. He made quick work to box her in. His hands pinned her arms up to her sides and he stuck a knee in between her legs. Sis let out a squeak when the muscle brushed against the lining of her underwear.

"One, if you ever talk about Star like that again, I will break your neck like a goddamn toothpick," Michael hissed, fangs on full display. "Two, you must be really stupid if you think David likes you more than me."

Sis growled, feeling riled up and feisty from how Michael manhandled her. If it were any other Lost Boy, she'd cower in fear before submitting. Michael didn't hold any command over her, so she wasn't going to bend to his will.

"Release me, asshole!"

"No. You're gonna listen to me," Michael continued. He tightened his hold on Sis as he pressed his toned chest to hers.

"Unlike you, David wanted me since day one. He stared at me across the boardwalk like I was the most perfect thing he'd ever seen. You ever seen that Jim Morrison mural in the cave? He clearly prefers tall, strong types with brown curls. I'm his perfect mate. No amount of bargain bin dresses and stripper heels is gonna change that, girlie.

Michael leaned in, whispering into her ear. He wanted his words to be heard loud and clear.

"And that pisses you off, doesn't it?"

“What pisses me off is your lack of a fashion sense. The last time I checked, Valentino wasn’t bargain bin. It was high fashion. Let’s start there. A desert rat like you probably can’t even spell Valentino, let alone know what style is,” she sassed him. Sis was ready to verbally tear Michael a new one.

“And it’s not just about looks, Mikey. It’s about wit and intellect. Yes, David may enjoy a nice big hunk of stupid meat every once in a while, but you’re an intellectual bore otherwise. David may have wanted to take a bite out of me, but my mind kept him engaged. Keyword—engaged. Because once again, if you were the perfect mate, he wouldn’t have married me. He chased me across the country just to keep me by his side. And by his side is where I’ll stay because I sacrificed too much to be with him and the boys. So I don’t give a shit about how you feel about me. As far as I’m concerned, you can twirl on splintered wood.”

“You’re not that bright, princess, you didn’t know they were vampires for six months.”

“And you drank blood out of an unmarked bottle the first night you met because the boys peer pressured you. You’re not exactly an intellectual god yourself.”

Both of the vampires felt the familiar urge of a fight brewing. The urge to spill blood and wrestle one another until there was only one victorious winner. The more they battled with their words, the more they wanted to fight with fists.

"How about I show you how I've got plenty of brawn over your ditzy little brain~" Michael growled.

With the might of his vampire strength, he spun Sis around, throwing her off the wall and back towards the massive picture hanging from the wall above his bed. Billy Idol. Something that reminded him of David and a piece to honor the leader's own musical tastes. Sis crashed into the picture, cracking the glass as her back hit the rocks behind it.

Michael's eyes flashed a bloodshot gold and his fangs dripped with saliva. His claws were out and ready to scratch her up some more.

Sis was letting her own wild side out. She had fallen onto the floor below, small flecks of glass caught in her hair. It didn't frighten her and neither did Michael. If he wanted a fight for David, he got one.

"You're gonna get it now, pretty boy!"

Sis sat up. Her eyes blazed and danced with madness. Rage. Her manicured claws and fangs elongated as she rose from the floor to confront Michael. The brunet vampire had 35+ years on her in strength, but she had agility to her advantage. She tapped into her speed, crossing the room and punching Michael square in the nose. Appearing only as a blur when she did so. She sent him flying, the stunned vampire landing flat on his ass by the entrance of his nest.

“Let’s try that again, Mikey. Where I’m from if you wanted to survive, you had to have hands."

Michael stood up, licking the blood that dribbled from his nose before lunging at Sis. She met him midair, the two snarling and snapping at each other as they wrestled for dominance. Michael had Sis by the throat again, preparing to toss her across the room once more, but she swiped him across the face. Michael growled dropping his rival on her back, his bed breaking her fall.

He threw himself on top of her and they rolled around on the bed. Both refusing to stay down for the count. Sis growled lowly as she grabbed at Michael's shirt. Her nails dug into the fabric, tearing them to shred as she scratched down his back. He shivered from the sensation, reminded of how David had scratched him the first time they had a brawl.

He forced her hands off of his body, pinning them by the wrists above her head. With the other, he grabbed at her shirt too, tugging her upward and destroying the material. Both of them were exposed, as there was no fabric left to stay in place.

They both breathed heavily, chests heaving as they glared at each other with sinister, inhuman eyes.

"Homewrecker."

"Bastard."

"Cunt!"

"Jackass!!"

The two of them were practically spitting their insults in each other's faces. Their cheeks were flushed and with every moment, they were getting closer to one another.

"I hate you, Sis."

".....then why is your dick poking me~?"

Michael froze, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Sis was right. He was hard as a rock. He couldn’t deny it.

“I—um…”

“Oh, Mikey…” Sis cooed as her bare bosom heaved. “I think we’ve gotten to the root of our problem. Sexual frustration can be a bitch,” she teased as she trapped him between her shapely thighs, locking her ankles tight. “When was the last time David tickled your pickle?”

“It’s been a while because you’ve been a greedy little tramp.”

Sis giggled. “Awww…I’m sorry. Could you ever forgive me? How about I make it up to you?” She sultrily cooed as ground her pelvis against Michae’s manhood. “I have a feeling I can make you my best friend.”

Michael was utterly failing at finding the right words to say. He loathed how his body was betraying him. Sis was clearly proud of herself for making him act with such arousal. He wanted to tear her throat out for this, but he also couldn't deny that her grinding felt so good.

It took a while to get used to the polyamorous nature of the pack. Human expectations of monogamy had lingered for a while, but he grew comfortable with sharing the pleasure with the others. Sometimes it still hurt a bit to see Star bouncing on Paul's lap or David swapping spit with Dwayne or Marko. But at the end of the day, he was a vampire. And vampires needed to share their love.

Fighting back the attraction for Sis was the hardest adjustment. She really was a bombshell, even if she stole David's heart. The frustration certainly was there and he needed to get it all out.

Fine. He would have it her way.

"You are not my friend," Michael sneered.

Even with his cold words, he grabbed her hips and pulled them towards him in a heated fit. He ripped her skirt as if it were wet tissue, growling when he saw the curvy figure underneath the clothing.

"But if fucking is what it's gonna take to make you shut up, then so be it."

Michael spit on his fingers before diving his hand down into her panties. He was going to make her scream as loud as possible.

He slipped his fingers between her plump folds, seeking out the swollen little gem that was her clit. He traced his thumb over the bundle of nerves, sending a shiver down the Sis’ spin. Michael teased her, rubbing her in delectable circles only to pull back when she really started enjoying herself. The sadistic vampire within him wanted her to beg. To see her sniveling beneath him like she did with the other boys. Just to prove that he could.

So he toyed with her, flicking her nub and vibrating his hand. Sis wiggled and panted. The most adorable moans faling from her pouty lips. Michael didn’t want to admit it, but it was a tantilizing sound. One he could definitely get used to. He hated her voice—everything about her. But that moan she released when he was in control stirred something deep inside.

Michael kept up his devious ministrations, while Sis bucked her hips, desperate to find release when he pulled back. Her clit and her walls feeling horribly neglected.

“Say the magic word and I’ll let you cum, princess.”

“Fuck you.”

"Fine. Guess we're doing it the hard way."

Michael ceased his motions altogether. Before Sis even had a moment to whine about his hand moving away, he brought it right back down. With a firm, open palm, he slapped her pussy as hard as he could. The smacking sound echoed off the cave wall.

"Aahh!!! Fuck!!" she screeched, a pathetic whimper falling from her mouth.

"Thought you liked getting spanked, ya little whore~"

He slapped the sensitive, wet area again, hitting even harder. Sis was shaking like a leaf, the pain of the strike and the stimulation of her sensitive pussy blending together. She hated seeing Michael so smug, but his domination was only bringing out her submissive nature even more.

Michael's palm was getting bright red. His skin was glistening from her wetness. The mewls of pain and pleasure were only making him harder. It felt like his cock was going to tear the fabric of his pants.

"Say. It."

"FUCK. YOU."

Sis roared out as she fought back for control. She wiggled out of his grasp and grabbed at Michael's hand, stopping the spanking right away. Her inhuman strength clenched at him hard, threatening to break the bone.

Her speed aided her yet again, and she threw Michael off of her, pinning him down underneath her. She planted herself right on top of him and pushed her hands on his toned chest. Seeing that wild look in his baby blue eyes made her cunt ache more than the spanking.

"The queen is in control now, fucker," she hissed.

Sis tore the thick denim of Michael's jeans right down the middle, destroying his briefs in the process as well. His cock practically sprang to life when she did so, showing off each and every delicious inch of the massive size.

Sis licked her lips. “Not bad,” she purred as she eyed Michael’s impressive manhood. Sis loved to be filled and all of the boys were blessed with Dwayne being the KING. She was pleasantly surprised to see that little Michael wasn’t so little. “Maybe that’s reason why David keeps you around,” she cruelly jabbed. A little payback for Michael’s nasty quips.

The brunet growled and Sis giggled as she gripped his dick by the base. Her golden eyes shimmered with mania. Michael paled, laying still. He may not have had a formal education like Sis in her human life, but he was intelligent enough to not taunt her while she held his manhood in her palm.

“Smart boy,” she whispered as she hovered over his dick. “Smarter than I would have given you credit for.

Sis lowered herself down, moving teasingly slow to prolong Michael’s torture. Payback was a bitch. Michael hissed as he was enveloped in the plush, velvety warmth of her body. The engorged ridges of her walls making his toes curl. He wasn’t even fully inside her and he felt like he was going to explode. Now he kind of knew why David liked her.

Michael stared in awe as she engulfed him, her pussy devouring every inch of him. They both moaned as their pelvis’ met. Michael collapsed into the mattress and Sis threw her head back. Her eyes fluttered closed. Her long lashes kissing her chubby cheeks.

“Oooo, Michael,” Sis whispered with distorted vocals. “You feel so good—but I know I feel even better,” she taunted as she leaned forward, her lips curling into a sadistic smile.

FUCK. Michael gulped. She heard his thoughts. Sis heard him. He was horrified.

But he couldn’t dwell on it. He was ensnared by mindblowing pleasure. His eyes rolling into the back of his head. Sis gyrated in his lap, manipulating her spine in inhuman ways. She growled like an animal, using her agility to ride a Michael in a way he’d never experienced.

"Fucking hell….~" Michael sighed out. By some miracle, he was able to get ahold of himself and fight the urge to spill inside her prematurely. He had given away his dirty thoughts to her, but he'd be damned if he was going to let her humiliate him like that.

Michael was usually a very sweet lover. The first time he was with Star he made love to her, giving the most gentle touches while he took care of her. He was a pretty romantic guy, even if he was a little shy and awkward from time to time.

But he wasn't making love. He was fucking. Sis was nothing but a warm body for him to enjoy. That's what he was telling himself as he grabbed hold of her hips. His fingertips were pressed in enough to bruise the skin. He wouldn't dare let go of her body while he was inside of her.

"Yeah…dirty girl likes getting her guts re…rearranged…doesn't she?"

Michael took another shot at spanking her, his palm striking her rump while she rode his cock. The feminine sighs that poured from her mouth made his length twitch inside her.

"David fucked me in the same…fuck…same position for our f-first time….said we…fi-fit perfectly together. Said my name soooo sweetly~" he taunted the vampire queen.

But Sis didn’t miss a beat. She knew what Michael was doing. He was determined to hurt her. To so-called prove that David didn’t love her. But she knew the truth. David truly loved her. She could see it in his eyes when he caressed her cheek. When he slipped inside her. And when he held their child.

“Mmmm…” Sis moaned as she bucked her hips. “D-David told me that t-too…that we fit so p-perfectly…the n-night we made Eva.”

Michael snarled. That was one thing Sis did have over Michael. She gave David a daughter. An heir to the throne.

David was an excellent father. You wouldn’t think being a parent would even interest his mate. But when he saw how hands on David was when Sis was pregnant. How he fed her. Cradled her when she was sick and in pain. How he held her hand as she gave birth. The look of joy on his face when he held the squalling babe for the first time. How he thanked her before kissing her sweaty forehead.

Michael was already jealous of Sis, but when she gave birth that sealed his hatred for her. Seeing the three of them have their own little family—without him—was when he gave birth to his own offspring. Rage. He’d kept it bottled up this entire time. Leaving the pressure to become explosive. But he was ready to shake things up and remove the cap now. To finally erupt and let go.

Grabbing Sis by the throat, Michael quickly turned himself over, flipping Sis on her back. She squealed in surprise, her hands flying up to her throat to grab his wrists. She clawed at Michael’s pale flesh in an attempt to pry his hands from her petite neck, but she couldnt free herself. She had no choice but to lay under him while he pounded into her, the brunet now fucking her at a vengeful pace.

“You think you’re so special because you can create life? All vampires can create life, you bimbo. You just need a little blood and the right kid. If David wanted more children, I could give them to him easy. How the hell do you think the boys got Laddie?”

Sis hissed, but it turned into a wail when Michael reached down inside her. Stroking her deeply. The brunet vampire smirked when he saw her bite her lip. Her large eyes looking into his with wanton yearning. He had unlocked the sub within her again.

“That’s it. That’s the Sis I like,” Michael teased as he continued to ruthlessly use her body for its pleasures. “The quiet, docile one that’s afraid to go to the toy room.”

While Sis was slipping into her more submissive mindset, she wasn't as deep in as she would be for David or the other boys. There was still a spark of fight in her. It melted together with her need to please, and she did the only thing she could think to do.

Sis reached upward, hands placed on either side of Michael's face in order to pull him in for a kiss. Michael made a noise of surprise, but didn't get distracted enough to stop his thrusting. For a moment, she was tender, but soon her kisses became fierce. Hungry. Eager to make him shut up.

The two of them growled and moaned, serpentine tongues rolling over one another as their bodies moved. There was a silent agreement between them to let this moment happen. Hatred, anger and jealousy were shared, but they wouldn't leave one another unsatisfied.

"Who's your daddy now, bitch?" Michael teased with his mental connection to her.

"Not you, but I'll cream on your cock like you are~" Sis playfully responded.

The firey spark between them was getting hotter and hotter by the minute, their loathing for one another acting as fuel to the fire. It was pushing them both closer to the release they needed. They could both practically taste the pleasure that was coming.

The room was thick with the smell of sex. The lewd sounds of their lust reverberated around the room. Through the tunnels. When they reached climax, their little tryst wouldn’t be a secret. The whole pack would know of their affair. David would know.

But they didn’t care. All that mattered was this moment. The two of them and their bodies grinding against each other. Their lips crashing against each other. The pressure that built inside. And the bliss that came from it.

They were so close. Sis tightened around Michael, her walls squeezing around his thick shaft, his engorged veins massaging her in the sweetest way. Michael pumped into her with vigor, ferally fucking her like an animal. His fingers kneaded her flesh. Leaving mottled bruises on her smooth ebony skin from his immortal strength. His hands marked her as his for the night.

Meanwhile, Sis clawed his back. Leaving bloody slashes and welts down the pale flesh. Making him hers.

"Aaah!! Mi-Michael~!"

Sis hadn't planned to say his name. She wanted to keep it out of her mouth and just enjoy the pleasure as it was. But she couldn't stop it from flowing off her tongue. It sang out so beautifully as she finally came.

The clenching of her pussy and the overwhelming warmth was already too much for Michael to handle. Hearing the curvaceous beauty cry out his name was what triggered his own climax. She would definitely tease him for such a reaction later, but he didn't care at that moment.

"Fu-Fuck…fuck, Sis..~" he growled while spilling inside of her. Warm cum painted her deep within, officially marking her. Michael trembled terribly as the aftershock hit him.

Time slowed to a halt for the two of them. They were a sweaty, bloody, naked mess on top of Michael's bed. As they breathed heavily, the brunet boy slowly opened his eyes to get a better look at her. He could find another flaw to poke fun at while she laid out in her afterglow.

But any meanness was snuffed out when he realized that something was wrong. Sure, Sis was most certainly hit with the euphoria of her climax, but there was something in her eyes that told him she was at risk of a sub drop. They had been so harsh and cruel to one another, and now she was going to feel worse. He didn't even think before jumping into action.

"Hey hey…it's okay," he softly hushed her. "Stay right here. I'll go get something for you."

Michael carefully slipped out of Sis before rolling off the bed. He quickly shrugged on his robe and ran to the cave’s emergency stash of blood. He grabbed a sleek glass bottle filled with the blood of one of the many unfortunate souls that came to the cave to ‘party’.

He quickly trotted back to his nest and slipped into bed next to Sis. The fledgling vampire had rolled over onto her side and curled up into a ball. Michael had to act fast. He carefully placed his hand on her shoulder, coaxing her to sit up so he could tend to her. She obeyed, rolling over and upright as he desired. Michael uncapped the bottle and held it in front of her full lips for her to drink, providing support like a parent would their newborn baby.

Sis drank, greedily draining the bottle within minutes. Blood dribbled down her chin, and Michael grabbed a napkin, wiping her face just as David had moments ago. The irony, he mused.

Michael chuckled, and Sis flashed a weak smile, thanking him in a tiny voice. She moved to leave his bed. To gather the shreds of her clothing and return to her own nest, but before she could, Michael grabbed her wrist. Authoritatively, but with a hint of tenderness. He could see she wasn’t fully herself, and she needed just a little bit more T.L.C.

“Hey,” Michael gently whispered, “you’re in no condition to head back yet. Lay down for a moment. It’s okay.”

Sis hesitated, prepared to fight back, but she eventually acquiesced to his request. Laying back on her side. Her back faced him. Not out of rudeness, but out of awkwardness. And Michael understood that. But he still inched closer to her and wrapped his arms around her body. Spooning her from behind.

"You're surprisingly great at giving aftercare considering you said you hated me a few minutes ago," Sis softly muttered. Michael was actually relieved to hear the sass. That meant she was starting to get back to her normal self.

"I may be jealous, but I'm not a monster. I wasn't gonna let you go without care after something so intense."

Sis was grateful Michael was being kind. There was no way they'd be best buddies or fall in love after this, but it was still a kind gesture. Nestling into his arms as he gently held her solidified the temporary truce they had agreed to.

The two of them had a lot more in common than they realized. The human lives they lost were still fresh in their minds, as was the pain of losing their identities. David had put them both through their own personal hell, yet they still loved and adored him. They even both held onto human values like vulnerability and kindness. Even if they would constantly fight for the attention of their mate, they could at least see eye to eye on other things.

"You're a total attention whore…but at least you've got amazing pussy"

Sis snorted at the lewd compliment Michael gave her. It felt good to be able to laugh again. Her body shook with the soft giggling.

"And you fuck pretty damn good for an annoying little shit," she whispered back. Michael bit his lip but couldn't stop his own snickering. The good mood was just too contagious.

While the two of them relaxed together, Michael pulled her a little closer. They would go right back to their rivalry after tonight. She would be David's doting, hot wife and he would be David's handsome pet. The two vampires would forever long to be their Sire's one and only love, but for now, that didn't matter.

They were both part of the pack. No matter what you felt for everyone else, you took care of one another. That would never change.

Tag list: @britany1997 @6lostgirl6 @juss-soupp @finalgirlm @american-idiot-jpg @michael-after-hours @nerdy-spooks

#the lost boys #tlb #writing collab #female oc #dark fic #nsft #smut

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magicaii · 3 months

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Can I ask your top 10 fav characters ever from any media? Why love them?

i thought long and hard about this, cause honestly, i dont really have a list of favorite characters. but this is me trying to compile a list of characters that have really stuck with me anyway. also, 1-5 and 6-10 on this list are pretty interchangable. this ended up being so long that i need to make a part two so uh SORRY anon its always why my response took forever

near, nate river (death note) i LOVE near. i love the hidden complexities to his character. near is collected and rarely shows outward emotion, but the hint that he's secretely very sensitive leads to interesting implications. it almost feels like the identity of L has saved him from having to attempt to live a normal life, serving as both a blessing and a curse. because who is near, without the intelligence and duty? what is the difference between the things we care about and the things we are good that, the things that are serviceable to others? near, unfortunately, is doomed to be stuck doing something he doesn't particularly seem attached to for the rest of his life. he's the only one of death note's main cast to survive, and i think a certain sadness comes with that fate. a certain emptiness, and lack of direction. his character is a great example of how being smart can contribute to your detriment and isolation, rather than bringing you fulfillment.

obito uchiha (naruto) obito is interesting because when he continously failed to salvage the only things he cared about, it broke him, and he rejected reality completely. i love stories about pure hearted, optimistic people becoming the opposite of what they sought out to be, and how their greatest strengths are used to turn them against the world. because only people who try harder than anyone else to be good are able to understand how ultimately futile their efforts are. obito did not become evil over a single girl. he became disillusioned with shinobi society and its disregard for lives, and no longer wanted to exist in a world that allowed such cruel things to happent. what else is there to be done when you are too weak and powerless to protect your allies, and the world doesn’t seem to care? you become stronger. you fight against the entire world. you do what ever it takes, because that's how deeply you care. and yes, he is an irredeemable person. and fun fact, i loved him for years before even watching naruto (not sure how that works but ok 12 year old me)

zero (drakengard 3) i'm so excited i get to talk about her!! zero is evil. she has no regard for human life, kills as she pleases for a meager amount of supplies, and wholeheartedly believes than no one will look out for you but yourself. so why on earth does she care so much about saving the world, which has only ever wronged her? zero has a skewed view of the universe, and the idea of give and take. she belives only in repaying the fair due already taken from her. this is why she kills, and this is why she accepts the partnership with michael, as a mutual means to an end. the five intoners, as far as zero's concerned, are entirely her responsibility, so it becomes her life's mission to kill them. however, watching her slowly grow to begrudgingly care for mikhail, despite everything she has ever known, is a beautiful representation of human nature. our desire for connection and ability to love others often wins out in the end, because that is what humanizes us. even someone who has grown callous and desensitized is inevitably drawn to genuine, unadultered love and affection.

noctis lucis caelum (final fantasy 15) the appeal of noctis is how he's this socially awkward prince who is really seeing the world for the first time. however, it becomes very apparent that noctis is way in over his head. he has never taken his role as the future king of lucis very seriously, and when shit hits the fan, he's suddenly overwhelmed. he's supposed to be a leader, but he's been used to relying on servants and shields his whole life. this is when noctis is made to properly examine himself. growing up can happen over the course of a lifetime, or it may happen in one, decisive moment. noctis's actions in the end are reckless, self-sacrificing, and desperate, not necessarily the mark of a good king, but of someone who would do anything to protect his people, regardless. i think most of us, deep down, only hope to experience the simple joys of life, and noctis was only really able to over the course of his road trip before the entire world was thrown into disarray. and as someone who had only just begun to realize how much love he had for the world, he still gave all of himself up just to save it. just... UGH... he deserved to be HAPPY

blue (pokemon special) blue's development throughout the manga is magical. for the first arc or two, she's a simple character, a petty thief who seems mostly concerned with herself. her eventual backstory of being a manipulated orphan does flesh her out and provides reason for her self-centered nature, but the frlg arc is what truly elevated her character. blue’s story is all about feeling bitter about the hand life gave you, and not liking the person it forced you to grow into. how much of the person that someone becomes can be attributed to their free will? all along, she quietly carried regret for how she might've turned out differently. blue just wanted to be a normal girl with a family that loved her, a normal girl who never needed to fight. her eventual emotional breakdown serves to teach her that she has room for weakness too. frlg is all about breaking down her self-perception and realizing that she isn't fundamentally broken, all the while accepting the person she was forced to grow into. (i really need to write my own post about her soon jeez)

#ask

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team-council-two · 2 years

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question for alpha:

what do you make of the stereotype that the french are cowards?

do you believe that people are straying away from this stereotype?

ive been getting into fandoms where french people are written like this and i would like to hear some perspective.

thanks

oh boy, *cracks knuckles*

so. i will be honest with you. i do not know where this stereotype comes from. or well i have a very vague guess but im not sure. i asked people around and they too just went big shrug. my only source of confirmation has been wikipedia.

see my closest guess here is that americans consider our surrender against the nazis in WWII to have been a cowardly thing or something, i dunno. weird takes on europe going on here and they seem to think we didn't fight before said surrender just cos only 46 days or sth bc apparently, blizkrieg who ? never heard of her or the absolute devastation they laid on my people. it also strikes me as a not particularly international take bc i genuinely never had heard it before being on socmedias used by americans. hell, the wikipedia page on french stereotypes lists it as exclusively american. this would match up with americans' tendency to equate cowardice and bravery as something the domain of war, which they care a lot about, whereas we just simply have other concerns, no offense.

anyways, see the stereotype we french people have about ourselves (and that actually is kinda relevant about reality), and a lot of people too, including americans, is closer to this-

thats french for we yell all the fuckin time and make a ruckus about everything ever. les gueuleurs quoi.

although support of unions is lessening due to the current political crisis we have been stuck in for god only knows how long, the french has a large culture about revolution, unionizing, human rights, left wings politics and shit like this. it may or may not be war every fuckin day at my home actually because of the union stuff (not shitting on unions shitting on my dad's terrible work homelife separation and his tendency to yell at the TV every night, bc apparently the TV is a conversation partner but your kid asking you to stop screaming isnt).

we just are known to protest a lot and backtalk to politicians and shit like that. and it seems that the cowardly stereotype is lessening because people on social medias are starting to point out, hey ! this isnt being lazy actually. the french is actively fuckin. blocking roads and burning shit and all that and being cunts to their politicians, and they have universal healthcare and a decent retirement system which we are realizing we fuckin wish we had in this dystopia of a life. maybe theyre doing sth right. (and well theyre right unfortunately the french itself is slowly forgetting that.) this aside yeah recognizing that making a fuss about your rights is a good thing the french do is kind of incompatible with the idea that the french are cowards, especially with the recent crisis of the gilets jaunes where people protested tirelessly despite actively getting wounded and arrested and disabled for life and killed by cops. and it really has been like this for a good while too, since industrialization or so, when capitalism became widespread.

so in other words. subjectively ? i do think the stereotype is unbased/pretty darn recent and mostly a cultural difference, and nor can i really explain it besides blaming Capitalist Propaganda. i also do not know if objectively such stereotype is getting less support, but subjectively, from what ive read around and so on, people seem to be a bit catching up, and seem to be accepting that unionizing and strikes are NOT a laziness thing but genuine bravery when facing a system that is strikingly inegalitarian and running well oiled with the blood of the people.

take this as you want. i have to admit this is a bit personal because americans' agressiveness towards the french have genuinely made me feel like i was unwelcome online, ive seen people wish that france would sink under the sea or specifically would get nuked, with no single hint of irony whatsoever. and among the animosity found here, ive always keenly felt the difference between what was considered hardworking and invested for the french, and what was considered lazy and cowardly for americans and the faint smell of capitalist propaganda hiding behind it all

Addendum: So yeah that stereotype about the french being cowards who surrender immediately, of course it exists in Germany too. And it's also most likely due to WW2 and propaganda related to that.

- Aschen

True to the post-Soviet world as well.

- Ray.

#langage language #pardon my french; i am verbose #i could write an entire book on how unfamiliar french people in medias seem to actual french people #spy is an odd case; ask me about him #one day ill also rant about fake french accents; including spys #anyways hatred of the french online is weird and strikingly frequent and i basically dread going online every time sth big happens #i wont mention anything bc if i do people might go Actually You Deserved It #and i dont wanna get that #hope i somewhat. answered sth satisfying to you #not tf2 #The Council has spoken

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biaswreckingfics · 3 years

Text

Liminal: Part 1

Pairing: EXO x Female Reader

Genre: Witch!AU

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: Some strong language

Summary: Magic. Murder. Mystery. You don't know when this became your life, but your choice in the matter is long gone. Someone is after you, someone is killing witches, and when a coven approaches you and tells you you're one of them? You're sure they're crazy. What's so magical about a girl stuck working in a greenhouse?

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Junmyeon swipes up the newspaper that Chanyeol had thrown down on the table with a sigh. Kyungsoo watches the anger take over his face as he reads the article they have all already had the displeasure of seeing.

Another senseless murder.

Another witch dead.

Everyone in the room shares the same frustration. The same anger and helplessness that is fleeting across Junmyeon's face at this very second, and they have no idea how to stop it.

This is the sixth body that has shown up in the past two months. The police think it’s a serial killer, but they have no real idea of what's happening. All they keep managing to do is get in the way of the people who actually have a chance of solving the murders - and they needed to be solved quickly before anyone else is killed.

None of the covens or elders can figure out why this is happening. What would someone gain from killing witches? Even worse, what would someone gain from killing witches that didn’t practice magic?

That is part of what shocked Kyungsoo. Not only were witches being slaughtered, but there were entire lines of witches hidden from the covens. Sure, he had heard of people going into hiding after the war centuries ago, but he hadn’t realized how many there were or that they were still in hiding after a couple hundred years.

Did those who were killed even know they were magical or was that knowledge lost to them a long time ago?

It was a surprise to the elders too. When the first few deaths occurred, none of them realized it was witches being killed off. The only reason anyone figured it out is because an Elder works on the police force. Kyungsoo didn’t know if it was his instincts or something about the way they were murdered that caused red flags to go off in the Elder’s head, but if it wasn’t for him, they still wouldn’t know. He raised concern, and others began tracing back the deceased familial lines, ultimately discovering it’s their own being murdered.

“What should we do?” Seoyeon quietly asks.

“You carry on with what you’ve been doing.” The High Priestess says as she sweeps into the room. “You keep perfecting your skills, and let the Elders keep tracing family lines.”

Jongdae watches her from across the room, already shaking his head as she speaks. “That’s not enough. We need to find these other hidden witches before whoever is killing them does.”

“How do you suppose you’re going to find someone you don’t even know exists?” She asks calmly, clasping her hands in front of her as she comes to a stop next to Junmyeon. When nobody offers her an answer, she continues. “Running around like a bunch of blind mice isn’t going to solve anything. Obviously, report it if you see any suspicious activity. Otherwise, let the Elders handle this for now.”

Her words frustrate some of the members, but they leave no room for argument. Besides, only fools would argue with their High Priestess. Though, something about her words sends a thought through Kyungsoo’s brain.

He has noticed suspicious activity lately at a place that he frequents quite often. At first, he thought it was just paranoia because of the murders, but now he thinks it’d be stupid to ignore. Especially when someone’s life could be at stake.

“The greenhouse,” his deep voice rumbles, causing everyone to look at him. “I’ve noticed odd people hanging around there, and they only started coming once the murders began. I thought it was in my head, but now I’m not so sure.”

He ignores the way his cousin’s eyebrows furrow and focuses solely on the High Priestess, who nods at his words.

“I’ll check into the employees that work there. For now, continue going there to keep an eye on things.”

------------------------------------------------

You hum to yourself as you bend down and check the sage plants for any bugs. There’s only about an hour left of work, and you figure this is the quickest way to pass the time. Plus, you didn’t mind this part of the job. It’s mindless and lets you escape into your fantasy world that is always quietly calling your name.

“Did you know that some people use sage to ward off evil?”

You jump when you first hear the deep voice next to you, but a smile quickly grows on your face. Kyungsoo. One of the greenhouse’s most consistent customers and definitely one of your more favorite customers. His monotone voice would make you think he’s bored, but you could always hear the passion in it when he talked about plants.

You straighten up to meet his stare. “Is that why I get the random terrified customer that comes in asking for it?”

The smile immediately falls from his face as he processes your words. “What?”

“I’m joking, Kyungsoo,” you tell him as you hold back a laugh. “Besides, aren’t there specialty shops for that?”

“Probably.” He shrugs his shoulders before a curious gaze takes over. “So, do you believe in things like that?”

“In evil spirits?” A small laugh escapes from you. “No, not really. Ghosts, demons, magic… I don’t believe in any of it, but if someone comes in here looking for sage to protect themselves, I’m definitely not going to stop them.”

Kyungsoo nods at your words, but you can tell his mind is elsewhere. Either lost in a world of magic and evil or just in a daze. You glance past him to make sure everything else in the greenhouse is going okay and notice another customer watching you.

Changmin. Someone who only recently started coming to the greenhouse but wasted no time in trying to get to know you.

“Do you need any help Changmin?” you ask, causing Kyungsoo to look over at him.

The two make eye contact for a moment, and you curiously take in the sight. Did they know each other? Because the vibes you’re getting aren’t exactly friendly.

“I do, actually.” Changmin finally says, ripping his gaze away from Kyungsoo to look at you.

“Okay. One second.” You tell him, focusing back on the man in front of you. “Did you need anything else, Kyungsoo?”

He eyes Changmin a little longer before turning back toward you. “I’m good. Thanks. I’ll see you around, though.”

You nod and watch him walk away before making your way over to Changmin. His brown eyes still watch Kyungsoo until he’s out of the store, causing you to furrow your brows in confusion.

“What’s up?” You ask in an attempt to get his attention.

“How long have you known him?” He asks, leveling you with a stare.

You jerk in surprise at the unexpected question. There’s no obligation to answer him, but you can’t deny you’re curious why someone you barely know would ask that.

“He’s been shopping here for a couple years. Why?”

Changmin slowly nods before looking back in the direction Kyungsoo had left in. You study his side profile, taking in the locked jaw and intense stare. They had to know each other, and not in a good way.

“Changmin?”

He studies you for a moment before saying, “I wouldn’t trust him if I were you.”

Your mouth parts slightly as you try to take in his words. Who just says something like that, and why did he think he could say it to you?

A smile grows on his lips as he takes in your expression. “Just some friendly advice.”

“…Right.” You finally find your voice, though a weird feeling fills you. Something about this entire thing feels off, and you don’t want to be dragged into it.

“Well, thanks for the help.” He winks at you and heads toward the entrance.

A minute passes before you find your bearings again. That entire encounter was awkward, and what’s more, you never even helped Changmin, so you didn’t know what exactly he was thanking you for.

Pushing the last five minutes from your mind, you pick up a nearby watering can and start giving some of the drier plants a little bit of water. You follow the same monotonous routine as you normally do and sigh. You’re so bored… and not just here but in general.

Working at the greenhouse is fun, and it’s refreshing to be surrounded by nature and warmth every single day, but it isn’t enough. You crave excitement and adventure. You want to travel the world and experience all that life has to offer, and you know you won’t find that here in the greenhouse.

You want more.

As your night wraps up, you turn off the lights and begin to head out, turning to lock up the greenhouse before you go. It’s the same routine that you always have, but something about tonight feels different. Something in the air feels different.

Brushing off the odd feeling, you throw the greenhouse keys in your bag and begin the journey home. It’s nights like these that you’re grateful you only live a couple blocks away. You get to tune into your thoughts and let your mind wander in the peace and quiet of the night, but tonight, that odd feeling remains.

You glance over your shoulder to glimpse the empty streets. Vehicles parked along the road for the night and a few trees scattered along the sidewalk greet you, but that’s all. No other human being catches your attention; however, you still can’t shake the feeling growing inside of you. The feeling that you’re being followed.

Quickening your pace, you try to remain calm and clearheaded. The odds that you’re being followed aren’t very high, but the recent string of murders in the city has you feeling on edge anyway. You debate if you should continue going home or if you should go somewhere else, but there’s no public place between the greenhouse and your apartment, so you continue on your path.

It’s probably just paranoia, especially since it’s nearly all the city can talk about. The news, the papers, social media… it’s everywhere, and that’s why you assume the odd feelings are just in your head. You’re psyching yourself out… but that still doesn’t stop you from feeling a sense of relief the second you get into your apartment.

Locking the door immediately behind you, you take a deep breath before letting out a breathy laugh at your actions. They were warranted, but you still felt a little silly. You turn on the lights and move to drop your bag on the table near the door. Before you can take any further steps into the apartment, your phone rings and you phish it out of your pocket, barely glancing at the caller ID because you already know who it is.

“Hey, mom,” you greet her.

“Did you make it home okay?” The worry is clear in her voice, so you avoid any sassy responses and move to sit on your couch.

“Yep! Safe and sound.”

You’ve grown used to the nightly phone calls you’ve been getting from your parents over the past couple of weeks. Ever since the news broke the first couple of murder stories, your parents have been worried sick about you, even more than usual. You’ve been trying to keep them calm and not become frustrated by their actions because you understand. You’re their only child, and you live alone in a dangerous city, but sometimes you really want to forget about the horrors that exist on the other side of your apartment door.

“Good! Make sure your door is locked!”

“It is mom.”

You hear her sigh on the other end of the phone. “You know we just want you safe, sweetie.”

“I know, and I love you for it.”

“Love you too, baby. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

You let out a soft laugh as you hang up the phone and drop it on the couch. Turning your head towards the window, you take in the city lights and listen to the soft sounds of the still bustling city that slip through the glass. Your mind can’t help but think about the odd feeling you had when you left work. The feeling that you were being followed. Was it paranoia as you suspected, or something more sinister?

The following days prove to be just as boring as usual, and after your spooky walk home a few days ago, you welcome it. For once in your life, you welcome the quiet, boring life you lead. The only difference you’ve noticed over the past few days is the more frequent visits of Kyungsoo and Changmin. It’s like every time you turn around, one of them is there. It’s almost eerie how they manage to do it.

Kyungsoo is a welcome distraction. He often talks about the plants you have in the greenhouse and similar ones he thinks you should talk your superiors into growing. He often makes comments about magical herbs or ones that’d be used in rituals, and you have to laugh. It’s funny to you how into magic he is, but you can tell he’s passionate about it, so you let him continue telling his stories.

Changmin, on the other hand, seems more concerned about Kyungsoo than you or the greenhouse. You often catch him watching Kyungsoo from a distance, and you know Kyungsoo can feel it because he has caught him several times himself. It’s odd how Changmin doesn’t even bother trying to hide it, and things take a really weird turn when Changmin approaches you about him directly.

‘Didn’t I warn you not to trust that guy?”

The small shovel you’re holding in your hand drops back into the pot as you stand up to greet Changmin. “Hello to you, too.”

His eyebrow quirks up as you ignore his previous sentence. “Hi. Did you not hear what I just said to you?”

“I heard you just fine. What I’m not hearing is an explanation.” He gives you a confused look, so you elaborate. “This is the second time you’ve told me not to trust Kyungsoo, but you’ve yet to give me a reason. Kyungsoo has been nothing but nice to me while you, on the other hand, keep sending him death glares across the greenhouse and telling me not to trust him.”

He studies your expression for a moment before nodding. “I just thought I’d help you out. You’re a nice girl. Maybe a little too nice. Didn’t your parents ever teach you that looks can be deceiving?”

Confusion causes your brows to furrow as you try to figure out how on earth you should even respond to that. This man that you barely knew, not only is telling you not to trust someone but is calling you naïve directly to your face. Who does stuff like this?

“I’m just saying,” he shrugs his shoulders, “maybe watch who you befriend.”

You meet his stare for a moment before saying, “Yeah… I’ll do that.”

For the rest of your shift, all you can think about is how relieved you are that Changmin is gone. The man is starting to creep you out and why he felt like he could tell you who you could and couldn’t trust really bugged you. The two of you are friendly but not friends. You barely know him, so why does he think he can come up to you and say things like that?

“Don’t forget to turn out the lights!” Your coworker reminds you as she breezes past towards the door.

“I got it, don’t worry. See you tomorrow!”

She throws you a smile as she exits the greenhouse, and you try to focus on the last-minute things you need to do, but your mind is elsewhere. Sighing, you toss your work gloves into a bin by the counter and move to grab your purse. You’ll deal with the rest tomorrow.

As you walk out of the greenhouse and turn to lock up, you get an eerie sense of déjà vu. You lift your head up and look at the area around you. The sight that greets you causes a bad feeling to work its way up your spine.

People are scattered all over the place. On the sidewalk on each side of the greenhouse and across the street. They stay half-hidden in the shadows. Not enough to show their faces, but enough that you can tell they’re there.

You take a deep breath and try to keep calm while you watch the shadows. There had to be 10 to 15 people around you, and that’s enough to set off your alarm bells because you’d usually only see maybe four people maximum when you closed.

The way they all stand still as they watch you causes your heart rate to spike. You stare at the wooden door in front of you and debate on running back into the greenhouse since the key is still in the lock, but you know that’s not going to stop them from whatever it is they plan on doing. Something tells you they’re here for you and that they won’t stop until they get what they want. You don’t know why, but your body is screaming it at you.

You needed to find a place with people, or at least, a busy street, and there wasn’t any toward your apartment, so you pull the key out of the lock and head in the opposite direction. Your steps are slow as you come close to one of the people leaning against the building next to you. The girl doesn’t move as you pass her, and though you try to find her eyes, it’s like she leans back deeper into the shadows, making it even harder to see her.

Once you pass her, you pick up your pace and almost swear when you hear footsteps behind you. You knew this was going to happen. Now, you just have to be quicker than the rest of them.

Quickening your pace to a jog, you force yourself not to look behind you. Every time the person looks behind themselves in a movie, they fall and bust their ass. That would not be you. However, something else tries to force its way inside your head…

What if these people had something to do with those murders?

You force yourself into a jog, noting the wind has noticeably picked up. Good. Maybe they’ll get tired of going against the wind to follow you. You smile at the thought until you feel the wind push against you even harder.

You stumble a little at the force of it but try to keep going. You ignore the harsh whip of it against your face, but it stings enough that you question where the heck this wind even came from. Was it even supposed to storm today? You could’ve sworn the forecast said sun all day when you woke up.

An even harder gust of wind slams against you, and you find it nearly impossible to move your body. Chancing a glance behind you, you see the people that are following you having an even tougher time. It’s like they’re somehow getting even more wind than you are.

What the hell is going on? You’ve never experienced wind like this. It’s almost… unnatural.

Lightning arcs across the sky, being immediately followed by thunder, and all you can think is “great, a freak storm, that’s exactly what you need right now”. You look up at the sky and feel your face scrunch in confusion. There aren’t any visible clouds, so you’re not entirely sure where this storm is coming from.

More bolts of lightning streak across the sky, lighting up the road around you until suddenly one of the bolts hits a streetlight behind you. The thunder that accompanies the bolt is monstrous, startling you into turning around and searching for damage.

Smoke comes off the light that had just been struck, but before you can process it, another bolt hits the light across from it, sending two of your followers stumbling. You jump back as more bolts begin hitting the road, and that’s when you realize the lightning isn’t following any basic laws of science. Tall buildings, other streetlights, plenty of metal objects surround you, and instead, the lightning hits the ground, bypassing everything. Even odder, the bolts only hit the ground around the people behind you, none of them near you.

Momentarily stunned by the odd storm, you realize this is the perfect distraction to get away. You turn back around and begin to fight against the wind to move. At first, it feels like you’re cemented to the ground, but ever so slightly, it becomes easier to move. You push harder, fearing that if it’s easier for you, it’ll be easier for your followers to move as well.

Wetness suddenly hits your face, distracting you and causing you to look back up at the sky. Rain too? Of course, it makes sense, but there weren’t even any clouds thirty seconds ago. The sky opens up moments later, dropping so much rain on you that you’re drenched instantly. It pelts against you almost painfully, like thousands of needles being jabbed in your skin, and you cry out before you can stop yourself.

Turning your head towards the buildings alongside you, you search for a place to hide out. You can’t stay in this rain any longer, and when you glance behind you, you notice most of the creepy people fleeing the storm, making your sense of urgency dwindle. What you need to do now is find shelter, then as soon as the storm lets up, you can go get help.

Taking a step towards the buildings on your side, you notice a shape approaching you and you immediately tense up. The creepy people didn’t leave like you thought. They just went around to trap you instead. You quickly back away as the figure moves closer to you and notice it’s not as hard to move as it was. The wind is starting to let up as is the rain, allowing you to see the person approaching you.

You blink a few times as you take in his sudden appearance.

“Kyungsoo?”

“Come with me,” he urgently tells you, holding his hand out for you to grab.

You look between his hand and his face as you try to push past the startling confusion you’re feeling. What the hell is he suddenly doing here, and why does he want you to go with him?

“Please! We don’t have a lot of time!”

The urgency in his voice has you looking over your shoulder. You didn’t have a lot of time? Is he talking about those people? How would he know about anything that’s going on?

“Where?” You turn back to him and shout to be heard over the rain.

“Please, just trust me!” He yells, looking behind you.

You send one more peek over your shoulder before glancing down at his hand. Changmin’s words telling you not to trust Kyungsoo work their way into your mind, but you squash them. You barely know Changmin, and a part of you feels like you can trust Kyungsoo. He, at least, feels safer than being out on these streets alone at night.

Taking a deep breath, you place your hand in his and allow him to pull you back in the direction he came from. The two of you run toward the end of the block, and then he pulls you around the corner, where you see a black car already running and waiting for you.

He opens the backdoor, and without question, you jump in. You look up as you find your seat and come face to face with another man. Your movements halt, but Kyungsoo jumps in after you, blocking your only exit. You look up to the front of the car and see two more unfamiliar men in the driver and passenger seats.

Oh. You fucked up. There’s no possible way jumping in an unfamiliar vehicle with three strangers and someone you barely know isn’t a fuck up.

“What the hell, Kyungsoo?” You turn and hiss at him.

“Calm down. Everything’s going to be okay.” He tells you as he places his hand on your arm.

You immediately move away from him, not wanting him to touch you. “Like hell it is!”

Tearing your gaze from Kyungsoo, you look at the other men in the car, and that’s when it hits you. Not a single one of them is paying any attention to you. They’re all concentrating on something behind you, outside of the vehicle. You take a moment to study them as they focus on whatever it is they’re doing.

Next to you is a thin man with brushed-back hair. You see his eyes focusing on the trees as they almost violently sway, and you assume he’s as curious about the wind as you. In the driver seat is a shorter, muscular man. He stares out at the rain like he’s almost in a daze, and an unnerving feeling begins to prod at your skin. Lastly, in the passenger seat is another man, but his face is turned away from you. All you can tell is that he’s looking up at the sky like it holds all the answers.

Slowly, you turn to face Kyungsoo, who’s looking out the back of the car in the direction you came from. He must feel your eyes on him because he quickly turns to face you. You try to find your voice to speak, but the most that comes out is a whisper.

“What the fuck is happening?”

Before he can answer you, you feel movement from your side, and you immediately snap your head in that direction. You meet the cautious stare of the man next to you, the one who was watching the trees, and blink a few times before you realize how quiet it has gotten.

Reluctantly, you pull your gaze away from the man and look out the window, noticing the storm had disappeared as quickly as it came. The night is now silent and eerie. The trees no longer sway, the rain no longer drops, and the lightning is long gone. You sit frozen as you try to figure out how any of this is logically possible until you realize that it’s not just the man next to you that is focused on you. The two men in the front are as well.

You turn to look at Kyungsoo, the only one you know. “You have about five seconds to tell me what the hell is going on.”

He searches your face a moment before nodding. “You’re in danger.”

You quickly open your mouth to argue with how absurd that sounds, but he holds his hand up to quiet you.

“Those people are after you, and they’re not going to stop until you’re dead.”

Tagging: @haveanotherkpopblog @iibonniee @making-me-blush @monbabyzshoebill @jay-scenarios @svmmi-viv @quaaacky @lunaselenamoon98 @moonlightcandy00 @kpop---scenarios @baekhyunsdangerouswoman @bellapinkrose @sanaxking

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charlie-minion · 4 years

Text

Could the same SPN finale make a little more sense with some additions/changes?

I’ve had the idea for this post stuck in my head for days now, but with every new conspiracy theory and every new eventuality in the fandom, it became difficult to cool down enough to write something less ship-related and more narrative-focused.

What Supernatural and non-SPN fans have to understand is that a lot of us have expressed disappointment and frustration after 15x20, not because of Destiel (that’s just one part of the whole problem), but because the finale doesn’t make sense. Everything was leading up to something beautifully crafted until the end of 15x19. Beyond that, it’s hard to understand what happened. The story rendered all the character growth irrelevant, invalidated the themes of free will and “family don’t end in blood”, regressed to the original brother codependency they spent 15 years trying to overcome, made a queer non-binary character in a male vessel and a deaf female character basically disposable, and kept the show’s reputation of queerbaiting and misogyny until its very last breath.

That’s not going out with a bang! At least not a positive one. We all were ready to mourn Supernatural, but we wanted to feel proud of its legacy, and somehow TPTB managed to tarnish that legacy in less than 45 minutes. What a way to ruin the other more than 13,600 minutes of story!

It doesn’t matter who is to blame (The CW, Robert Singer, Andrew Dabb). It doesn’t matter why it happened (homophobia, censorship, marketing for Walker, bad writing). What matters is that at the end of the day, the finale that aired is what we got and that’s going to hurt for a long time. It hurts even more when we realize that the same finale could have easily made more sense, even without being perfect.

That’s what I want to do in this post. I want to show you how things would have been less jarring (for the fandom), while still keeping the goal to please the general audience.

Before I begin rewriting 15x20, I have to mention that I talked to my conservative boomer sister about the finale. She hasn’t watched the second half of season 15 yet (she’s waiting for Netflix to have it), but she’s been watching the show for a long time (she introduced me to it 8 years ago). She’s the perfect example of a viewer from the general audience. Loves the show but doesn’t give a second thought to it and definitely isn’t paying attention to character development or themes. Doesn’t engage with fandom, actors, or any of the show’s social media. Pure GA! When I told her the series finale had aired, she asked me about it and I refused to give her spoilers. Because of that, she told me the ending SHE wanted. She said she would be happy with either of two possibilities: the boys retiring and finally living a normal life OR they going to heaven and finding peace at last. She saw Sam and Dean as a unit, which means: both retiring or both going to heaven. AND she saw Cas as part of that, too. She wasn’t so sure about Jack. And for her, we could use the “Eileen who?” and it wouldn’t be a joke. She didn’t remember her.

NOW IT’S TIME TO WRITE A NEW VERSION OF 15X20 (KEEPING 15X18 AND 15X19 EXACTLY THE SAME AS THEY AIRED). This will be a very long post:

The opening remains almost the same. No “Carry on my wayward son” to induce feels. Too soon and too predictable! (Reasoning: Everyone was expecting it to play right there, so it would bring more tears at the end)

In the opening, after the scene where Jack says “People won’t need to pray to me or sacrifice to me”, we also see the scene from 15x19 where he says “I won’t be hands on”. Then we see the rest of the opening as it was. (Reasoning: People needed to be reminded that Jack would NOT intervene and that’s why later on, he would NOT save Dean).

We get the same montage, but when Sam takes a break from his morning run, we see him reading a message on his phone. A simple: “Hey Sam, what’s new?” from Eileen. Sam smiles fondly and begins to type a response we don’t get to see. The next scene continues the same, Sam making breakfast. (Reasoning: A text was a very simple way to show that Eileen was alive and still in communication with Sam).

The montage slowly ends as Sam enters the library (not after he sits down). He seems to be talking on the phone but we only hear an “I’ll tell him. Bye”. As he walks towards the table, he tells Dean: “Charlie says hi. Mentioned something about Stevie’s perfect scrambled eggs we have to try.” Dean’s answer is “Awesome!” (Reasoning: Just ONE line was needed to unbury Charlie and her girlfriend. ONE LINE).

Sam sits down, opens his laptop and everything continues the same. The title card shows for the last time.

YOU SEE? In the first 4 minutes they could have acknowledged that THREE WOMEN were alive and safe: Eileen, Charlie and Stevie. It wasn’t hard! Don’t blame bad writing on Covid! Now let’s continue.

Sam and Dean arrive at the Pie Fest just the same. Dean goes to get some “damn pie” and Sam takes out his phone. He dials and when someone picks up, he says “Hey, Jody, how are ya?” We don’t hear the rest of the conversation. The scene moves to Dean coming with his 6 portions of pie. Dean sits down and Sam tells him, “Talked to Jody. The other hunters haven’t had much work lately.” “That’s good, isn’t it?”, Dean says. All we get from Sam is “Yeah.” So, Dean looks at him and asks “what’s wrong?” like it happened in the episode. (Reasoning: Again, a couple of lines to make sure the people that were killed in 15x18 are safe and remembered by the boys in 15x20. Why is this important? Because they’re family!)

The conversation about Sam’s sad face happens the same. Sam is the one that mentions Cas and Jack. (Reasoning: Because this episode was so Sam-centered, it’s obvious he was the protagonist in the finale. If we see him communicating with Eileen, Charlie, and Jody, then it’s NORMAL, even expected of him to be the one to bring up Cas and Jack). Without these additions, it’s harder for people to understand that most of the finale was NOT from Dean’s POV but from Sam’s.

Dean’s “if we don’t keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing” stays the same. (Reasoning: I believe it’s necessary that the show sticks to the importance of “letting go” and “what is dead should stay dead” for the first time ever because the message is “even when you lose someone you love, you can still find some form of happiness and keep living, for you and for them, because that’s what they would have wanted”. Bringing someone back means “I can’t live without you”, and that’s just more codependency. It’s how the demon deals began in the Winchester family –Mary being the first one to do it. This would explain why Dean didn’t ask Jack to bring Cas back, as he asked Chuck. He understood Jack was NOT going to interfere anymore and accepted it. Besides, when Cas saved Dean from hell, Dean thought he didn’t deserve to be saved. This time that Cas saved him, Dean finally feels worthy enough to accept that YES, HE DESERVED TO BE SAVED ALL ALONG, just as much as he deserved to be loved by that angel of the Lord. In this scene, Dean also says that the pain is not gonna go away, which means that from HIS PERPECTIVE, it still hurts that Cas is not there. The problem is that the finale is not showing his POV but Sam’s.

Sam pies Dean on the face just the same. (Reasoning: That part was just to avoid ending the scene on a sad note).

Everything related to the case happens exactly the same. (Reasoning: At this point, people don’t really care about the MoTW, they care about Sam and Dean).

NOTE 1: The case is important to show that even when the Winchesters are finally free of Chuck’s influence, they CHOOSE to keep hunting. It isn’t something they do out of revenge or because it is their destiny anymore. Maybe they were forced into the life at first, but they’ve learned to find joy in saving people. Being hunters is who they are. However, the fact that a job application was shown on Dean’s desk is also important because it means he was willing to explore what else was there for him besides hunting. Maybe he could find a balance? Maybe he was thinking it was time to quit? We will never know! The thing is that Sam only finds out about it when he goes into Dean’s room after his brother is dead, so maybe that’s when it hits him that Dean wanted to explore his options, and Sam starts to think it’s time for him to do the same.

NOTE 2: I believe the masks the vampires are wearing is something we can blame on covid. If they had their faces covered, it was easier to use people from the SPN crew for some scenes, instead of using more actors unnecessarily.

NOTE 3: When Sam and Dean arrive at the barn, we get 3 visuals to remember Cas in the same scene (those are for the fandom, not for the general audience): a) the barn, obviously; b) the bag that resembles Cas’ trenchcoat so much that many people thought that’s what it was; and c) two feathers hanging on Dean’s right when he opens the trunk.

The scene with the throwing star happens the same. (Reasoning: The episode is still told from Sam’s point of view, so it makes sense that he fondly sees his brother as a man child).

Jenny the vampire? Uhhh… I mean, it’s not the best piece of writing I’ve ever seen, but it’s not the worst, so okay. That stays the same. (Reasoning: There is none, but she’s not what really ruined the finale, so whatever!)

Dean still dies impaled on a rebar. (Reasoning: OK. HERE ME OUT!!! I hate as much as everyone else that Dean is killed. I think it’s lazy writing, but that’s what we got and I can’t change that in this re-write, so if killing Dean is what we have to work around, then, memes aside, death by rebar is better and here’s why. There’s no one to blame for Dean’s death: no Chuck (the boys were willingly hunting even after Chuck was defeated), no vampires (they were all killed and were no real threat, so it was impossible for Sam to begin a quest for revenge against all vampires. What was Sam going to blame? A rebar? Can you kill it? Hunt it? NO. It was an ordinary death, a stupid accident. Just like any person can die at any moment by slipping on a banana peel. Is it a good death? No, but it’s good to know he doesn’t die trying to save Sam or Cas, because Dean Winchester is NOT willing to give up his life in exchange for anyone else’s anymore.

Sam takes out his phone and says he’ll call for help, but his phone is more visible to the audience. He dials and it’s almost to his ear when Dean stops him and Sam hesitantly hangs up. (Reasoning: People have complained that Sam didn’t call an ambulance, but actually he tried to. It’s just that people missed that part, maybe?)

After Sam puts his phone back in his pocket and says “OK” to Dean, he adds, “I’ll pray to Jack”. Dean’s immediate answer is: “No hands on, remember?” “But Dean”, Sam says, and Dean interrupts him with “OK listen to me” and tells Sam what to do with the kids they rescued. (Reasoning: Jack is God now and how come Sam didn’t remember? The viewers remembered, so it was necessary to include a line that ruled the option out and that showed Dean didn’t want Jack to intervene. The rest was fine).

The lines “You knew it was always gonna end like this for me. It was supposed to end like this, right?” disappear completely from Dean’s monologue. (Reasoning: This is the most problematic part of Dean’s dying speech. He fought God and earned free will, he is no longer controlled by fate or destiny. Accepting that he is supposed to die on a hunt regresses his character development and denies his desire to keep living. This was a total mistake and should be removed).

Instead, if going to heaven is the ending TPTB wanted to give Dean, at least he should say something more empowering. Sam tells him that both of them are going to take the kids somewhere safe. Dean answers and the scene follows like this: “No. Sammy, we made our choice, didn’t we?”, he smiles with difficulty. “We were free to write our own story and we did. We decided to keep saving people, hunting things. Because it’s what we love despite the risks.” (Reasoning: If Dean’s going to die it doesn’t have to feel like it was always meant to be that way. He should die knowing that he exerted his free will until his last breath).

The rest of the dialogue between Sam and Dean happens almost the same. Except that instead of Dean saying “‘cause when it all came down to it, it was always you and me. It’s always been you and me”, he says “’cause when it all came down to it, we’ve always had each other’s backs. Always.” And instead of Sam saying “Don’t leave me”, he says “I still can try to save you.” (Reasoning: It sounds way less codependent without diminishing the importance of their love and support for each other).

Besides, let’s change Dean’s “I’m not leaving you” for “You don’t have to be alone. You’ve still got family.” The rest stays the same word by word. (Reasoning: Dean reminds Sam that “family don’t end in blood” and there are still lots of people out there who love Sam and will be with him).

“I love you so much, my baby brother” stays exactly the same. (Reasoning: Dean always had trouble to express the big L word. I always believed and said many times that before Dean could say “I love you” to Cas or any other character, he had to say it to Sam. So, this is important as part of Dean speaking his truth).

The last part when Dean insists Sam tell him that it’s okay stays the same. (Reasoning: It’s the final moment when the codependency cycle breaks. No more running in circles).

The forehead touch between them stays the same. (Reasoning: I think I would do something similar if my sister were dying. I know there are w*ncest shippers out there, but it shouldn’t matter because the moment feels appropriate for that kind of goodbye).

See? There are changes but not too many. That’s why I’ve been saying that it was easier to get it right, yet they still managed to screw it up.

The second montage stays the same. (Reasoning: Life goes on, but of course Sam has to mourn).

The call about a case in Austin remains the same. (Reasoning: It’s the only part of the episode where someone from the found family is mentioned, so I think that Donna’s name is perfect in that moment. However, without the other additions I’ve made in this re-write, that off-hand mention feels too little. Its purpose was to tell the viewers that if Donna was alive, so were the others, but the way the episode was executed gave us an isolated Sam, incapable of having friends and a family without Dean).

After 30 minutes of Sam’s POV, let’s finally see the last bit of Dean’s POV that we’ll ever get.

Dean arrives in Heaven and Bobby receives him. All their conversation stays almost the same, except that after mentioning Rufus and before saying “and your mom and dad…”, Bobby adds an “Ellen and Jo let me borrow their place”. (Reasoning: If you’re gonna put the man outside the Harvelle’s place, at least mention them for Jack’s sake!).

Besides, after Bobby tells Dean that Sam will be along and that time in heaven is different, Dean gives a small smile and says, “Well, there’s no rush. I want him to have a long, happy life.” Bobby answers with: “I would expect nothing less from you, boy” and tells him he got everything he could ever want, etc., just like it happened in the episode, and finishes by asking “What are you gonna do now, Dean?” (Reasoning: It’s important we know for sure that Dean is NOT codependent anymore and that he doesn’t expect to have a miserable afterlife just because his brother is not there yet).

Instead of saying “I think I’ll go for a drive” Dean says, “I think I know what I want” and walks towards baby. Bobby still tells him to have fun. (Reasoning: “Know what I want” is ambiguous enough to help us introduce the last piece of the puzzle, the one thing Dean’s wanted for many seasons and has never been able to express).

The biggest change is coming:

Dean gets on the Impala and has a moment of silence while he contemplates the wheel. He begins to pray: “Hey, Cas, you got your ears on? I hear you’ve been busy working on this updated Heaven with Jack. You were right about him, Cas. You had faith in him and he saved us all. You could always see the best in everyone, even when they couldn’t see it themselves. Even when I couldn’t see it myself. There’s so much I want to tell you. Maybe you can visit sometime. I hope prayer’s still a thing up here.” (Reasoning: Dean’s side of the confession was unaddressed and that was terrible writing. If there was no way to get him to speak his truth textually, at least take him as close to it as possible).

We listen to a flutter of wings and a “Hello, Dean” from the back seat. We don’t see Cas, but the camera shows us Dean’s cocky smile and he says “Took you long enough.” He turns around slowly. End of scene. (Reasoning: The flutter of wings confirms that angels have their wings back and ties that loose end. The final “hello, Dean” was highly anticipated and it made sense. If Misha couldn’t be there to film, for whatever reason, or if the problem was the kind of conversation Dean and Cas would have, then don’t show it, but leave the door open. Let us know that the two characters were reunited and will talk, but whatever Dean has to say is so private that it’s not for us to hear, only for Cas.

We finally hear “Carry on my wayward son” and get a montage that begins with Sam playing with his kid. Then we see Dean driving, super happy, and Sam living his life to the fullest. We still get Sam’s Blurry Wife, BUT… we see pictures of Eileen in the living room (not just of John, Mary, Sam, and Dean). We also see photos of Jody, Donna, Charlie, and AU!Bobby. (Reasoning: FAMILY DON’T END IN BLOOD).

The scene where Sam is wearing the party wig and looks miserable inside the Impala is cut and nobody talks about it ever again because it never existed. We get a scene of Sam teaching his son how to fix the car instead. (Reasoning: First of all, don’t give Sam a life where years later he’s still in pain. Second of all, the fucking wig was a crime).

Sam’s dying scene stays the same. The only thing is that his son signs a couple of phrases to him before actually speaking. (Reasoning: More confirmation that Dean Jr. is Eileen’s son).

We hear the final “Evanescence-like Carry on my wayward son”. Again we see the photos and there’s family other than the Winchesters there. (Reasoning: Obvious at this point).

The rest is exactly the same. The show began with two brothers and it’s okay if the last scene is with the two brothers reunited in Heaven. At this point, the other parts of the story are acceptable enough for us to feel happy that they get to see each other again after years of a happy (after)life.

Now look me in the eye and tell me this was too hard to execute. I still think that bad writing is a thing we can’t deny here, adding to the possible meddling of the Network. Maybe Dabb wanted us to hate the finale because he couldn’t get away with what he truly wanted. If that was his intention, then kudos to him. He and The CW really gave us a finale that only 30% of the fandom liked.

I hope you guys have enjoyed this and it helps to give you some peace of mind. In my heart, this was the finale we got. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t drop the ball either.

#supernatural #15x20 #spn 15x20 #spn finale #rewrite #dean winchester #dean deserved better #cas deserved better #destiel #the characters deserved better #we deserved better #it was easier to get it right #yet they screwed up big time #alternate ending

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purpureumwrites · 4 years

Text

Homelander x Reader | King of the clouds

Summary: Reader is your average supe, a childhood friend of Homelander.

Warnings: Minimal swearing.

Word count: 1k

Tagged: @capitana18girl

Your childhood hadn’t been a traditional one. Inside the walls of the Vaught laboratory you had gone from a tiny baby to a young adult. You were supposed to be an stounding, powerful supe, America’s representative, but whatever Vaught had planned to achieve that completely failed, fortunately for you. They elaborated different plans and approaches, aimed to not waste all the money spent in the project, but gave up when another kid was as impressive as they had hoped for. Homelander.

Since then, all the pressure faded away. Not just from you, but from all the professionals whose job was to raise, educate and teach you. Some of them, who had taken care of you since the moment you were born, had grown very attached and then, no longer compelled by the boundaries of your so very carefully planned education and worn out by long hours of incessant work, they loved you almost as their own child. Later you realized, in a way, they felt bad for you and the other children raised in the facilities, orphans who would never have a normal life.

Homelander, still a kid named John, was rarely allowed to join the rest for play time. He was seriously underdeveloped socially and the caretakers only let him join the other kids mostly as a test, to study the evolution of his behaviour. He was too jealous, too clingy, too violent. Always too much or too little.

Looking back now, as an adult, you probably should have realized any kind of relationship with him would be overcomplicated. Even children could see things like that.

You became friends quite easily, you were patient and everyone else just tried to avoid him, there wasn't much competition. As you both grew, the games you used to play became less innocent. You would touch each other too much. Steal kisses when no one looked. Slide a hand under each other clothes. He shared everything with you and that was no exception. You were as close as you could be.

That was, until the time came for Homelander to shine, to fullfill the purpose he had been so carefully fabricated for.

You were eased into your new supe position, you had time allocated for saving citizens, for the little press you needed to do, for marketing campaigns... and more than enough time just for your own enjoyment. You were the average supe: mildly powerful, decent looking, good filler.

But John... he was pushed into the storm of the media. He was announced the best supe in the world. Perfect representative of America. Leader of the Seven. He was proud and excited about his new position and it quickly drove you apart. It saddened you, the two of you had grown so close and had spent so much time together that it was painful to watch it divide you. But it felt natural and organic, life changes, relationships change. At least, until he met Madelyn.

Madelyn was an executive in Vought and manager to the Seven. She was smart, good looking and most important, manipulative and cunning. You realized the moment you saw them together for the first and last time. He had invited you, mainly to show off, to a party Vought had organized. The night didn’t end well. You dragged him to an empty balcony to warn him, trusting your own instincts and partially, out of jealousy.

“She’s just using you”

“Well, I don’t think so. I have a very busy life now, and she helps manage all of this”, he answered raising his arms and gesturing around him. “It takes a lot to be leader of the Seven”

“That’s not what I mean, John. You may think she cares about you, but she doesn’t, you’re just Vought’s golden child”

He turned around and looked up to the sky with his hands on his hips, exasperated.

“Maybe you’re jealous”, he replied turning to look at you.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re just a mediocre supe stuck doing the work the Seven won’t even bother with. Sucking some guys dick...”

“What are you talking ab-?”

“And I haven’t stopped doing bigger and better things since we met as children. Everyone loved you back then but now, everyone loves me!”, he cackled.

You could feel your blood boiling. The idiot.

“This is not a competition! Maybe you think you’re the one fucking her but she’s the one who will fuck you!”, you yelled, fuming, before making your way inside the building. You held back from running, trying not to make a scene, but some heads still turned when you darted through the crowd.

* * *

Months went by without seeing each other again. You were too proud to call and saw no point while he was with her. Homelander tried to push the thought of you to the back of his mind. He couldn’t, not completely, but while things worked with Madelyn, he was able to lie to himself. It wasn’t until Translucent’s disappearance and all the events that took place afterwards that you met again.

Homelander knocked on your door in the afternoon, after waiting for you to get home, armed with a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of champagne.

“I wanted to surprise you”, he smiled.

“So... she’s dead”. You had seen it on the news. They attributed it to some guy called Billy Butcher, but judging by previous experiences, if someone close to Homelander was killed, most likely he was the one to blame.

Homelander’s smile almost faltered.

“She is”, he answered offering you the flowers.

“Was it you, John?”

“Yes”, he replied, his arm still extended towards you.

“Come in”, you smiled, taking the flowers.

#homelander #homelander x reader #homelander headcanons #the boys imagine #the boys x reader

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merryfortune · 2 years

Text

I can see a future with Y (But I don’t want that future to ignore the past that I have with S)

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Vrains

Ship: Saviorshipping | Ryoken/Spectre/Yusaku

Rating: T

Word Count: 1,649

Tags: Post-Canon, Crack, Internet Memes, Social Media, Getting Together, Pre-Relationship, Love Confessions

Ryoken stared down the computer screen with trepidation as his wrists rested on the flats either side of his trackpad. The cursor was inside a blindingly white box just blinking. Usually, it was the endless reels of text that made him nervous when he was looking at a computer screen but right now it was a blank text box. He took a breath.

He supposed that he could turn to any of the Lieutenants for relationship advice but honestly, Ryoken rathered this as a solution. It was anonymous. It could be deleted and scrubbed later. So, he made his post to a relationship advice forum.

Dear all, I am not a regular user of social media and am loathe to do this but I don’t know where else to go. I am stuck in the middle of a love triangle and don’t know what to do. I don’t want either person vying for me to get hurt (they’ve been through enough as is).

My name is not important but for convenience’s sake, I will refer to the two individuals as S and Y.

For context, S and Y hate each other. I think, I’m not actually sure but they’re both my childhood friends just from different years of my life. Y and I only knew each other briefly as children before my Father’s work got very traumatizing for him and later got sick and we lost contact with each other but our meeting really left an impression on him. I have a quirk of counting things through to three and he’s still uses that to get by, too.

So, he spent years of his life searching for me again and tada. He did. And despite some issues, we’ve managed to resolve them and are now quite close. His pursuit of me, even when I tried to shut him out because he had done some things that had complicated my relationship with my Father, who for all his flaws, I do still love (though note: he has passed away by now).

Meanwhile, I met S a few months after Y and I left each other’s lives. Due to S’s home life (or lack thereof it), it was arranged that he would be allowed to stay with us and became a ward of one of my uncle’s (or at least that’s the simplest way to put it, basically he’s an orphan, you know how it goes). S has been my best friend ever since and I really mean a lot to him so it's no wonder that he’s had a crush on me for a long time and I feel like an idiot that I never noticed.

Anyway, S and Y meet under some…. Less than ideal circumstances. There’s a huge fight and the only thing they really learn from is that they both really like me and that both took very different lessons away from some stuff that had happened to them as kids. They have very different outlooks on life but since I know them both well, I think it's also because they are too similar - though as much as they both like me, I think they would kill me for saying that.

This was a year ago now and things have changed. But that’s why I have no idea if S and Y like each other though I think it's best to assume that they probably would hate each other. S is kind of weird and I can see why Y wouldn’t want to talk to him ever again after that fight anyway. Any time we’ve all sort of met up as a group with a couple of other people, they seem to make it a point not to interact.

However… Another reason that I’m unsure of how they feel about one another is that they have learned to work together for certain things. I don’t know how to phrase it but I do think, on some level, S respects Y and possibly vice-versa. Y is very skilled at something that we all enjoy and S, too, but his skills evolved after studying Y’s techniques and the like. Y, meanwhile, must respect S on some level, too, I would assume if only for… Ah, that doesn’t matter, let’s not introduce other… people in our orbit this late into my post.

But that kind of brings us to where we are now. I’m in… All three of us, actually, are in a way better spot mentally, physically, emotionally, you name it than we were a year ago. Which is why S finally made his move, I guess. He’d been waiting for that mirage of when things were finally quiet and settled down so he asked me out.

He asked me out exactly three hours after Y had asked me out, actually.

Yes, this both happened on the same day.

S doesn’t really like greasy foods and prefers sit-down restaurants so he didn’t come with me, Y works at a food truck so I went by to chat with Y, just to see how things were going, get a hotdog but he decided now was the time to bring up how he felt about me. Again. We’d had similar confrontations about our relationship in the past but they seemed concerned for me and my circumstances than a declaration of “I like you and want to go out with you” but lo and behold. That was the finisher on his “I have three things to say to you” spiel.

And now I don’t know what to do. I really like them both and don’t want either of their feelings to get hurt.

The fact that they don’t seem to like each other complicates things for me since if I pick Y, S is still going to be my best friend and still live with me but would probably be very hurt to be excluded and not have his feelings requited how he wants. I honestly think that would break him.

I mentioned before that he was an orphan and he still has a lot of abandonment trauma surrounding that. I’ve been the one true constant in his life and I appreciate his company and quirks like none other. He had a health scare a while back and I was beside myself with the worry that he’d never wake up again; I feel like I ask so much from him and he never complains. I can’t imagine my life without him and I mentioned before, some tension regarding my Father and though he has passed on, I still value his input in my decisions so knowing that Father liked S and S respected him. That means a lot to me.

But if I pick S, that would also break Y, I think. Y went through a lot as a child which was why that quirk became a huge coping mechanism for him. Even when I tried pushing him away because yeah, my circumstances weren’t great regarding my Father and similar, he still pursued me. He still tried to pull me out of depths that I don’t think S even realised that I was in. He pushes me to do better and to trust beyond what I am capable trusting of.

I can see a future with Y.

But I don’t want that future to ignore the past that I have with S…

Anyways. I could really use some help figuring things out. I’m currently hiding in my room from S and am glad that Y is at work still because I’m really freaking out. I told them both to wait and I think S could wait for years but I don’t think Y can. Any and all advice will be appreciated. I’m going to take a nap and come back when I can.

Ryoken closed the laptop and did exactly as he said he would in his post. He plonked himself in bed, wrapped up under the covers, and slept awfully. The words of what he had typed out swirled. So did both Yusaku and Spectre’s confessions unto him. So, the sleep he had wasn’t really a nap, more like a black out.

It was a weird hour of the morning when he woke up. Two or three A.M but Ryoken, feeling sick to the stomach, only thought of one thing: had there been any responses to his post?

There had been. In fact, skimming the comments, Ryoken could see a pattern of three.

First, there were a few questions about why he couldn’t go to his “uncle” for advice. Well, that’s an easy one, because Ryoken would rather die than go Aso or Genome for advice, especially romantic advice which pit their beloved Spectre against their former enemy Playmaker. He wasn’t going to get

Second, there were a few responses sceptical of the situation, pointing out how much context and information had been clearly omitted. Another easy one that Ryoken to answer because he didn’t want to be arrested for cyber terrorism.

And third, some very kind people suggesting that Ryoken had them all sit down, as a trio, and work through the conundrum together with their ideal outcome being… polyamory? That Ryoken simply dated them both and they could be metamours to whatever extent they preferred, especially if Ryoken was correct in them not being on good terms with each other.

Ryoken’s hands shook as he went up and down the scroll bar, rereading comments he liked and ignoring the ones he didn’t. His heart trembled in his chest. He supposed that it was obvious that simply talking things through would be the best solution but the other half of those suggestions hadn’t even dawned on him. He did like them both. He loved them both, even.

So, Ryoken resolved. Even though it terrified him, he was going to conduct a three way heart-to-heart and hope for the best.

#writing tag #saviorshipping #yugioh vrains #vrains #yugioh #ryoken kogami #fujiki yusaku #spectre (vrains)#and then they all end up in a triad the end

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shirophantomvox · 3 years

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Analyzing Illumi Zoldyck's Character

Chrollo Analysis | Hisoka Analysis | Killua Analysis

What’s up y’all! Sorry for being away for the last few days. I needed a break from social media because I am so tired of seeing toxic, self-righteous people on my TL. Anyway, quite a lot of you liked my posts about analyzing HxH characters and somehow comparing them to VLD characters. Today, I’ll be talking about Illumi Zoldyck and I’ll try to compare him to a Voltron character. I know many people have already analyzed this character before, but it wouldn’t hurt to add to the discussion some years later. If you want me to write about anything else, send me an ask! The formatting of this post may be different than the one I wrote about Hisoka Morrow (click his name to view that post).

HERE WE GO!

In the first season, all of the characters are contestants for the Hunter’s Exam. I say contestants because this is a contest to see who can win without any injuries and can keep up with each host. I forget what number stage they were at, but I do know they were at the stage where each opponent has to fight each other. They are declared the winner if their opponent forfeits or gives up mid-match. (Off-topic, but) I am going, to be honest; Gon was my favorite character but his flaws began to show, annoyed me, and later led to his horrific downfall (based from YouTube clips). He didn’t know when to stop and kept pushing himself over the limit. Anyway, Killua and Gittarackur are set to fight. This is when things take a turn for the worse.

Gittarackur is a form of a disguise for Illumi to mask his identity. His face is long; nearly (and reminds me of) in the shape of a Tiki. His face also reminds me of the Witch Doctor mask from Scooby-Doo and Hell-raiser. He has several pins stuck in his face to maintain the facial features of Gittarackur. On the flip side, if he removes the pins, his biological form is revealed. Once he does this, Killua is nearly paralyzed; he cannot believe his eyes and I’m sure the trauma he endured at home hit him like a sack of rocks. Illumi then tells Killua that he wants him to return home, that he cannot maintain a friendship with Gon, stated that he was going to kill Gon, but realizes that if he does so he will be disqualified and will not obtain his Hunter’s license.

I’m assuming the cops aren’t a thing in this reality and the only way for them to “destroy” under the law is by obtaining the license. What do you think? I rarely see police officers; all I see are the Mafia and every they suck compared to the Zoldyck's and the Phantom Troupe. Shit, it seems like they’re the police but have twisted motives.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a fictional character or not, first impressions matter and he bombed this one...even for a villain.

But you did this for what?

How can you hypnotize (by using Nen) your own brother into killing another opponent because he doesn’t want to become an emotionless zombie like you? At least, that’s my perception. Telling your brother to run every time he faces an opponent that he knows he cannot win against is the sickest shit I’ve ever seen. I know I’m jumping around but another thought popped into my head. As the seasons go on, Illumi expresses an odd way of loving his younger brother and to him, that means to make him suffer in the same way he had to. It seems like Illumi is jealous of Gon in a way. (I’ve seen clips on YouTube) Killua takes Alluka to the hospital to heal Gon. Illumi has stated several times to Hisoka that Killua was hiding rules from him and that he still wanted to get rid of Alluka. Although it is clearly stated why he wanted Alluka gone, I still think that Illumi was jealous of Gon simply because his younger brother preferred to be with a friend instead of him. This is why he emphasizes “You cannot have friends. Either they will betray you or you’ll betray them.”

As I read and watched as the seasons went on, I noticed something about Illumi and his family. We all know that the children were raised by their parents. Specifically, their dad is a trained assassin. I can’t remember but I think Zeno is their grandfather who is also an assassin.

I view him as a character that has suffered from abuse and trauma in order to mold him into an assassin. He is emotionless, doesn’t really care for others, has an odd relationship with Killua that he doesn’t have for his other siblings, and is a hypocrite. Killua can’t be friends with Gon but every time the show cuts to him, he’s with Hisoka? Something is fishy there. Are they more than friends? OK, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Here's the physical analysis below.

Face

When masquerading as Gittarackur, his face has several pins in them and his hair is in a rock star form of Mohawk that is purple. I’ll give him 10/10 for uniqueness, yet it still reminded me of Hell Raiser.

I’ve noticed that when he is in public he is in costume. Why doesn’t he reveal himself in public? I’ve researched this and no one could answer this question. My guess is that he is a verified hunter and assassin. How can you carry out your missions if everyone knows what you look like? Without the pins in his face, it reverts back to his natural state. To me, his large eyes and long, shiny black hair are his distinguished features. Although he may be my least favorite character, he does have pretty eyes. Haven’t you all heard of “I got lost in his/her eyes”?

Yeah, that can be said about him. Most definitely. He rarely smiles and when he does, something BAD is going to happen. I saw him laugh crazily once Alluka began the healing process, the Nen (I guess) rose from the hospital and got on him. This scene reminds me of how Haggar reacted once the Komar’s quintessence bounced from Voltron and bounced onto her. Wow, these supernatural abilities make y’all feel that good?

Clothes

Gittarackur and Illumi wear the same clothes, which should be a clear giveaway that they are the same. Illumi wears a neural green short jacket that has yellow pins in them, a light green shirt underneath, and green pants. His shoes remind me of loafers with a heel on them, something my grandmother would wear.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say again, these bad-ass men in this show are very stylish and seem to be in shape more than I am. Although Illumi irks me, his fashion is great and this is why people prefer him to be their favorite character. Shows should always produce characters that are memorable; that is the key to a long-lasting fan base.

In conclusion, this anime (for the most part) has well-rounded characters that make the plot interesting and wanting more.

Illumi and Lotor are somewhat similar. They both grew up in abusive households and lost some sense of sensitivity, common sense, and were often “misguided” by their own selfishness. Illumi wants a better life for Killua by constantly brainwashing him into thinking that he cannot have friends and his can only find happiness through killing. Zarkon raises Lotor to be a prince that shouldn't work with planets and should destroy them. This explains why he used deceased Alteans from the colony, drained their quintessence, and didn't give them a proper burial. Lotor IS just like his father but Killua IS NOT like Illumi. Ironic, huh? As we all know by now, Lotor is the son of Honerva (Haggar) and Zarkon. After the rift accident, he became an emotionless, ruthless monster that colonized and destroyed planets just to gain their quintessence. He taught this to his son and once he was old enough to think for himself, he refused to act in such a way. Although he was exiled and said he wasn’t like Zarkon, he was; but worse. Lotor studied and gained knowledge about Altea and its people while using Allura to gain the secrets of Oriande. I say he used her because he knew from the moment he met her that he was harvesting Altean quintessence. While fighting the white lion, he yelled “Victory or Death” which is a common catchphrase the Galra use when they are in battle. In fact, the Galra have been victims of trauma from Zarkon. Zarkon’s ruthless ways of ruling had no other motive except for obtaining quintessence so he could live forever. Silva’s way of raising his children was done to mold them into assassins. Since he was taught this way he did the same thing to his children. Zarkon, Silva, and Zeno think that their ways of parenting are necessary for survive in life when it doesn’t have to be that way. Illumi and Lotor have experienced this horrific parenting and deal with it in different ways. Illumi is oddly obsessive of his younger brother and Lotor is a fucking liar.

This analysis was fun! Next, I’ll be analyzing Killua and Keith Kogane.

If you’d like to see more posts like this, send me an ASK!

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furiousgoldfish · 4 years

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I haven't been writing a lot lately because my recovery has been taking a wild turn and in lack of anyone to talk to or therapy, I'll be writing about it here! I'll put it under a cut. There are some descriptions of recovery going very wrong, and also explanations of things I was wrong about.

So since the pandemic started I've been deteriorating badly, first I've been processing trauma extensively, having intense breakdowns and gradually it turned into depression from lack of stimulation, I've been completely alone for months without speaking to, or seeing anyone. I thought it was the isolation getting to me, and decided I just need to endure that, indulge in whatever coping I could and wait for it to end. And then things got worse.

Even as normally I was seeing some very slow progress in recovery; now it was going backwards; I was having less and less ability to get anything done, I wasn't able to force myself to do my job for months, I kept getting stuck in bed for weeks, chronic pain got so bad I couldn't move on most days. And, it only kept going worse.

My breakdowns stared to be about the present instead of the past; I couldn't handle being in pain all the time. As in before I would recover from a breakdown within a day or two, now it took 4 days to a week, and the trauma episodes would last for hours, so intense I'd find myself hoping I would die during it.

And then, I started losing all mobility and this seriously freaked me out. Everything above I've already experienced before, without long term consequences, but now my body was losing function in a way that felt permanent; I could no longer move for more than few minutes, and without extensive pain. Sometimes I would try to get up and end up collapsing and screaming from how much it hurt, I would move my arm and my whole body would experience a shock of intense pain. I was scared, I no longer knew what was going on, I was suspecting something more than ptsd was wrong. I've forced myself into physical activity, trying to fight this, I tried stretching, exercising, running, punching, and every single one of these activities made it incredibly worse. I thought I had broken my body by laying down too much. I no longer felt anything but terror and dread, and kept spiralling into scenarios of my own death; it felt inevitable, I wasn't going to survive without ability to move, nobody would take care of me.

I tried out medicine that helps relaxing, it had minimal effect. Then, in desperation to check if this was all ptsd, I attempted self harm, to see if it erases the pain. It did. It lowered the pain significantly It was a big relief, even though I wasn't happy with resorting to that, at least I could move around for a while, and I was grateful for that. Times couldn't be more desperate, and the measure felt fitting. I was still in a very bad shape, and the pain was only somewhat lessened.

It was about that time someone sent me the Complex PTSD book; I had wanted it for a while and immediately went to read it. I felt some relief reading it, and I was struck with the realization that I have not felt any relief in more than a year. It also surprised me with some of the exact descriptions of my behaviour, that I didn't realize was a symptom. I thought it was necessary and smart of me to live in hiding, to avoid interaction and never connect to anyone; it kept me safe. It turns out it's a regular freeze response to trauma; I got very called out for it. It also explains that a freeze response is what people use when anything else doesn't work, and it's true! I had been fighting, fawning and perfecting myself desperately prior to realizing that absolutely nothing helps, and froze to survive. It also described that freeze types are capable of surviving prolonged isolation because their brains produce hormones that relax the body as if they're going thru a moment before death; also true for me, I've been aware my brain does that, only I get that way too often, and it only helps me marginally because I'm too used to it.

Another thing I was very wrong about was my concept of my inner critic; I thought I had already won that battle, because I did not allow any voice in my head to criticize me (my alters can drag me affectionately), and I generally didn't experience a lot of shame or guilt for what I was going thru. The book describes inner catastrophizer, which is an extention of the critic, and it causes you to spral into extremely negative scenarios of your own demise. Now that.. was happening to me every single day, I saw myself dead around every corner. But I always thought my fears about that were perfectly reasonable. I had been tortured into suicidal state as a kid and nobody cared, I barely escaped with my life from there, I was living illegally, in hiding, without a normal job or regular income, without close friends or any family, with ptsd i couldn't get diagnosed for, without ability to work due to ptsd, in a capitalistic society where being able to work is only thing between you and dying. I had, by that point, gained many skills of survival, but it still felt very reasonable to fear that I would die if I don't get better soon.

The book described people who had families, jobs, social circles, friends and community, who spiraled into deep fear of becoming homeless and dying on the street; somehow their spiraling was exactly the same as mine, and it made me realize that it was, in fact, a symptom, and not reflection of reality. Because I was spiraling even when laying in my bed or eating or sleeping, knowing I could still afford rent for months because I arranged my life to allow myself to lay down a lot. I kept fearing my parents were coming to end my life, even when I arranged my entire existence specifically to prevent this from happening. And even if I was sick and without a real job, I had in fact, survived for 5 years after running away, I wasn't getting worse at it. My spiraling into death scenarios was a symptom of being trapped within a flashback.

The book guided me to try to challenge these fears, I immediately went for it, had a breakdown, screamed "I can't" for like an hour, had additional few breakdowns afterwards, and miraculously, recovered from them in only few hours. And then, I woke up from my flashback.

I won't describe what the flashback was, because it's too gruesome and horiffic, but it was in fact, bad enough to warrant every single bit of that pain I was experiencing, and a very convoluted, complex trauma. I was waiting to be killed in that flashback. Whats concerning is, I've been trapped in that same flashbacks for more than a year. After I broke my way out of it, it felt like I woke up to being alive for the first time in years. I got out being frozen in bed.

For 5 amazing days, I was able to do whatever I wanted. Chronic pain? I didn't know her. It was absoluely exhilirating to get to move again, I was not getting tired either, I was out there making up for months of doing nothing and I was not collapsing at any point. I felt actual joy again, and hope, and being free from pain was so extremely good, that alone made me ecstatic. I was able to create, to be organized, to take care of myself, to follow a checklist, to focus, I was a Normal Person for those 5 days.

And then, predictably, I was getting back stuck in that flashbacks and my levels of terror and dread spiked again. I went to re-read the book, and it took me a few days to really figure it out again, I don't know exactly how the book works on me, I feel like it says just the right keywords to trigger me into realizations and causes breakdowns that set me free. I found myself able to stop some spiraling, but sometimes I can't, that flashback holds immense power over me and is actually mixed with 10 other near-death scenarios that are too extreme for me to process, so this will keep happening. I did break free again, and got to experience additional few days of movement and happiness; I also started working extensively with my child alter, who was until recently extremely suicidal and dangerous to work with.

I am still kinda lost in all of this, and unsure whats going on, but I do believe I wont get trapped in a flashback again for a whole year. I became so anxious and helpless due to isolation, I forgot how to fight trauma, I forgot I actually had to do it. I used to do it constantly in the beginning, but it had made me suicidal back then to face all this, so I tried to just let it heal naturally, which I believed would eventually happen; but it didn't, I got trapped and suffered without knowing how to get out. I also believed my own spiraling was a reflection of reality and not trauma, and that fueled it a lot.

It explains very eloqently in the book how inner catastrophizing comes from being massively neglected; children who are not looked after start to realize just how unprotected they are, so their own sense of danger becomes hypersensitive and starts to lock on possible dangers everywhere. This is then further aided by media that points out every possible bad thing that could happen to a person, and the child who isn't guided by adult who could actually make a reasonable distinction between real and unlikely danger, will clock it all as absolute possibilities and be on alert. It's also fueled by the line of disasters and dangers that happen to them in the context of their own home, and for me, the strongest factor was my parents constantly convincing me that I would die without them. Even though I proved this wrong, and understand they did it precisely because they knew there was a lot of survival ability in me and that's why they worked so hard to destroy it, the fact that it was brainwashed into me under circumstances of torture still makes it impossible for me to fight it.

Maybe one day I will be able to.

I'm writing this because writing things down helps to make sense of it all, and I need to find my way thru this. I also hope someone else will see themselves in what I'm describing and it will help them find a way forward. Complex ptsd is the only book I found that speaks from the point of view of a person who survived cptsd, healed from it, and had so much experience with other traumatized people they're able to draw parallels and create patterns and statistics out if it, it was that more than anything that convinced me of their words, and gave me hope. The book also warns many times of how essential it is to reduce inner critic and catastrophizer before getting other recovery work done, other therapy might only do further harm before this work is done. It was true for me.

If you wanna read this book, here's a post with the links!

#cptsd #complex ptsd #ptsd recovery #tw self harm #story of recovery #trauma #abuse recovery #trauma symptoms #chronic pain #chronic exhaustion #freeze response

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dailytomlinson · 4 years

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While many artists would jump at the chance to tell you how lockdown has been a fruitful opportunity for self-improvement, full of pseudo self-help books and pompous podcasts, former One Directioner Louis Tomlinson is adamant that he has done, well, nothing.

“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Twenty-eight--year-old Tomlinson from Doncaster was always the down-to-earth Directioner, frequently describing himself as fringe member who spent more time analysing the band’s contracts than singing solos, known for chain-smoking his way through several packs of cigarettes a day and swearing like a trooper. A rarity, these days, among millennials who’d rather suck on a stem of kale and tweet about their #blessings.

He's getting ready to rehearse an exciting one-off gig that will be live-streamed from a secret London location on December 12, announced today exclusively via the Telegraph. The proceeds of the night will be split across four charities: The Stagehand Covid-19 Crew Relief Fund and Crew Nation, Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice and Marcus Rashford’s charity FareShare, to help end child poverty.

The gig means a great deal to Tomlinson, whose first ever tour as a solo artist, to promote his debut solo album WALLS, was cut short back in March after just two concerts in Spain and Mexico. It was an album he’d spent five years working on: a guitar-led project that ruptured with the preppy pop anthems of One Direction, inspired instead by Tomlinson’s love for Britpop.

No doubt he was anxious to get it right following a decade “grown in test tubes”, as Harry Styles once described the band’s formation on the X Factor, where they came third before going on to make a reported $280,000 a day as the most successful band in the world. The pressure, too, was intense: all four bandmates had already released their own solo debuts.

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

“The thing that I always enjoyed the most about One Direction was playing the shows, so my master plan, when I realised I was going to do a solo career, was always my first tour. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to for the best part of five years now. I got so close, I got a taste for it, and it’s affected me like everyone else, but I’m forever an optimist,” he says down the phone, with what I can only imagine to be a rather phlegmatic shrug.

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

“You know what,” he says, reflecting, “maybe because I’ve had real dark moments in my life, they’ve given me scope for optimism. In the grand scheme of things, of what I’ve experienced, these everyday problems...they don’t seem so bad.”

Tomlinson is referring to losing his 43-year-old mother, a midwife, to leukemia in 2016, and his 18-year-old sister Felicite, a model, to an accidental drug overdose in 2018. The double tragedy is something he has been open about on his own terms, dedicating his single, Two of Us, from WALLS, to his mother Johannah, while often checking in with fans who have lost members of their own family.

It’s not unusual for Tomlinson to ask his 34.9 million followers if they’re doing alright, receiving hundreds of thousands of personal replies. It’s not something he will discuss in interviews, however, after he slammed BBC Breakfast for shamelessly probing his trauma in February this year. “Never going back there again,” he tweeted after coming off the show.

“Social media is a ruthless, toxic place, so I don’t like to spend much time there,” says Tomlinson, “but because of experiencing such light and shade all while I was famous, I have a very deep connection with my fans. They’ve always been there for me.”

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

“Yeah, definitely,” he says. “I’m very, very excited. I had basically penciled down a plan before corona took over our lives. And now it's kind of given me a little bit of time to really get into what I want to say and what I want things to sound like. Because, you know, I was really proud of my first record, but there were moments that I felt were truer to me than others. I think that there were some songs where I took slightly more risk and owned what I love, saying, ‘This is who I want to be’. So I want to take a leaf out of their book.”

Fans might think he’s referring to writing more heartfelt autobiographical content such as Two of Us, but in fact, he’s referring specifically to rock-inspired Kill My Mind, he says, the first song on WALLS. “There’s a certain energy in that song, in its delivery, in its attitude, that I want to recreate. People are struggling at the moment, so I want to create a raucous, exciting atmosphere in my live show, not a somber, thoughtful one.”

He sighs, trying to articulate something that’s clearly been playing on his mind for a while. “You know, because of my story, my album was a little heavy at times and a little somber. And as I'm sure you're aware, from talking to me, now, that isn't who I am.”

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

Too many incredible memories to mention but not a day goes by that I don't think about how amazing it was. @NiallOfficial @Harry_Styles @LiamPayne @zaynmalik . So proud of you all individually.

The problem is, says Tomlinson, he doesn’t have the best imagination. “I have interesting things to say musically, but what’s challenging from a writing perspective is that I write from the heart, and I can’t really get into someone else’s story. And right now, being stuck at home, you have so little experience to draw from. It’s actually quite hard to write these positive, uplifting songs, because actually, the experiences that you're going through on a day to day basis, you know, you they don't have that same flavour.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, where he divides his time. “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Another source of inspiration for his second album is the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ back catalogue. “I grew up on their album Bytheway. And during lockdown I've been knee deep in their stuff. I’ve watched every documentary, every video. And I find their lead guitarist John Frusciante just fascinating.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

Tomlinson’s passion for all things rock is also spurring on a side hustle he picked up as a judge on the X Factor in 2018: managing an all-female rock band via his own imprint on Simon Cowell’s Syco label. While the group disbanded before releasing their first single, and Tomlinson split from Syco earlier this year, the singer is keen to nurture some more talent.

“I'm not gonna lie, my process with my imprint through Syco, it became challenging and it became frustrating at times,” Tomlinson says a little wearily. “The kind of artists that I was interested in developing – because I genuinely feel through my experience in One Direction, you know, one of the biggest f______ bands, I feel like I've learned a lot about the industry – they weren’t ready-made. So I had lots of artists that I took through the door that were rough and ready, but major labels want to see something that works straight away. I found that a little bit demotivating. I love her and she's an incredible artist, but not everyone is a Taylor Swift.”

Tomlinson spends much of his free time scouting new talent either on YouTube, Reddit or BBC Introducing – he’s currently a huge fan of indie Brighton band, Fickle Friends. His dream is to manage an all-female band playing instruments. “Because there's no one in that space. And I know eventually if I don't do it, someone else will!”

Before he drives off to rehearsals, we chatter about how much he's been practising his guitar playing, and how he can't wait to take the whole team working at his favourite grassroots venue, The Dome in Doncaster, out ice-skating after he performs there on his rescheduled tour. “Because I've got skills,” he says, and I can hear his chest puff.

And then I ask the question every retired member of One Direction has been batting off ever since they broke up in 2015, after Zayn Malik quit. Rumours that his bandmates saw him as a Judas went wild after some eagle eyes fans noticed they’d unfollowed him on Instagram. Payne, Tomlinson, Horan and Styles have barely mentioned him since. Recently, however, they re-followed him, and Payne has teased that a One Direction reunion is on the cards.

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

“I thought you were going to ask something juicier!” say Tomlinson witheringly. “Look, I f______ love One Direction. I'm sure we're going to come back together one day, and I'll be doing a couple of One Direction songs in my gig. I always do that, so that's not alluding to any reunion or anything. But, I mean, look, I'm sure one day we'll get back together, because, you know, we were f______ great.”

#telegraph uk #press #louis tomlinson #241120 #its FULL of stunts as telegraph usually goes #stunt mention #Eleanor Halls

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beepbeepbobop · 3 years

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Back again.

I was telling my friend (who isn’t a Baccano! fan, but listens to me ramble) about my take on immortals and Czeslaw, and I don’t know where to put it, so! It goes here. As a warning, this is mostly me rambling and probably treads ground that has been talked about a lot in the past, but I hope it’s interesting anyway.

(This and the Infinity Train post is not a sign that I’m going to be more active in the future. Social media and the prospect of interacting with other people’s posts still make me anxious. Maybe one day.)

So! The first thing to keep in mind is that change is a major theme in Baccano!. No one is incapable of changing, but people have different relationships with it depending on who they are. Czes can't believe that he has changed seventy years after Isaac & Miria stealing him despite clear evidence that he has. Meanwhile, Nile actively resists change: His greatest fear after becoming immortal was that he would become desensitized to the loss of human life and begin to devalue it, so he spent decades fighting in active war zones so that he'd never forget the reality of death. This backfired, and instead left him inured to loss of life...but it's clear that he doesn't want to be this way? Realizing that he's gotten to the point where his expression doesn't even change if someone dies is devastating for him. Chane is the opposite: While it's absolutely for the best that she stops being a hitwoman and killing machine for her father, softening up is terrifying to her because then she can't serve her father the way she wants to. Czes is on the opposite end of the spectrum, because he wants to be better because he thinks he's a bad person (later on, he decides that he's the only bad person left in the world. Sir.), but can't recognize it because he doesn't feel different.

And...this is pertinent to the older immortals in particular - I'd argue even moreso than with the younger ones. Aside from the fact that the Elixir literally stops you from changing in the sense of age or injury...it also has to place inhibitors on your brain. Your brain is, after all, a physical part of your body! There are some....weird aspects about immortality that no one is able to figure out (for example, immortals can give birth; someone also pointed out that there are no examples of crying in reverse even though that's also a part of your body), but it's still safe to say that the brain doesn't age either because then...then a lot of the cast would be catatonic from Alzheimer's. Even without that, the human body can only retain so many memories. If an immortal's brain had the ability to deteriorate over time or overload based off of the amount of memories it contains....well, I don't think any of the older immortals would be able to function. Szilard definitely wouldn't be able to function (and neither would Firo after he devours Szilard) because Szilard has the memories of over a dozen people running around in his brain. Which brings me to my next point: If an immortal's brain functioned like a human's, devouring would not work as a concept. One of the hallmarks of being immortal is gaining other people's memories. Imagine the strain that would cause. And yet, it doesn't seem to be a problem! The chief worry of those who have devoured other immortals is worrying that having the memories of the other person might change you consciously or subconsciously. This is Firo's concern over devouring Szilard.

So...the fact that the brain doesn't physically grow older or change (with some leniency given because real world science sure is iffy here)...feels relevant because, mn...

Many of the older immortals feel stagnant, or stuck in time. Firstly, if the immortals changed at the same pace as a human being, I don't think most of them would be recognizable from one era to the other. And yet, they are! The Victor Talbot of the 1700s is clearly the same person as the Victor Talbot of the 1930s, albeit with alterations (because what kind of person would stay exactly the same after centuries?). The answer to that question is Elmer, by the way. Everyone comments on how he acts just like the Elmer they remember back in the day. But Elmer is a special case, seeing as he's our local empty shell and probable sociopath (not that he has ASPD! ASPD, sociopathy and psychopathy all present and function entirely differently from each other, which makes it....strange that they're lumped under the same umbrella - but that's another matter). Secondly, immortals...Uhm, they all handle grief horribly, and seem to feel stuck in the past? Maiza, for instance, acts starkly different from his past as a rebellious noble-boy gang member, but he's never forgiven himself for giving Gretto the information that led to his death. (Gretto being his brother.) Huey's overarching goal is to bring his dead girlfriend back to life, and he's been working towards this goal for centuries. Sylvie, who admittedly was not an immortal when Gretto died, held off on drinking the Elixir until she was all grown up, then set out to finding Szilard to take revenge on him for killing the boy she had run away with. This lasted for, you guessed it, centuries.

This isn't to say that immortals don't change, or even that they don't change drastically. I mentioned Nile, who became inured to death after fighting in war for decades. Czes went from a trusting, innocent child to someone paranoid and self-centered enough to try and get an entire train car's worth of people killed for his own safety to someone who wants to be a good person, but thinks he never will be and that there's something fundamentally wrong with him. But changing appears to be very, very difficult, and happens over an extended period of time in response to extreme situations.

And...this is particularly relevant to Czes (who keeps coming up as an example because he's the main person I'm thinking about with this tangent) because....it arguably hits him harder than any of the others due to being a child. Only the best decisions were made aboard the Advenna Avis, which includes letting the eight year old drink the immortality elixir. But...mn. It's one thing to be perpetually in your thirties, or twenties, or sixties, and another altogether to perpetually be eight years old. Czes can't truly 'grow up' even though he has more life experience than most adults combined, and it shows in his extreme emotional reactions, his self-centeredness, ect. There's a certain misconception about anime-only fans that he's an adult in a child's body, but I think it's easier to tell in the light novels that that's not the case, especially since you see what he's like back before the Advenna Avis. (He is shy. Very shy. Did nothing wrong ever.) Also, the fact that SAMPLE goes, "Yes! The perfect sacrifice!" when they specifically take a child to target emphasizes this. It's not proof - I'm pretty sure that SAMPLE would focus on his physical age as an 'eternal child', and may or may not have the resources to analyze him and go, "This boy is still eight years old in his head," - , but it hammers the point home.

Then...mn. One thing that's stuck out to me ever since the start is how long Czes was with Fermet. There's such a thing as learned helplessness, and it's not like Czes had anywhere to go, so that's not what is odd to me...especially when Fermet is known for manipulating people, and could definitely seed the idea that Czes can't go anywhere. More than physical proximity, I think about how long Czes believed in Fermet. It's explicitly stated that Czes absorbing Fermet's memories is what made him realize that - oh, Fermet was just sadistic and everything he said was an excuse. And...I think this is both an example of being controlled in many respects, and....another example of an immortal being stuck in the past - but in a very, very different way.

First off, learning that the people you look up to want to harm you is...difficult at best, especially when you're younger? But being mentally 'stuck' at a certain age would make things worse, because Czes is perpetually an age where it's natural to depend on a parental figure, and at an age where the brain isn't equipped to make those kinds of calls or realizations. There's also the matter of cognitive dissonance! Cognitive dissonance means a lot of things, but essentially, it's the idea that you have two conflicting beliefs, but the actions you take can retroactively alter your beliefs/place emphasis on one more than the other, as the mind is predisposed to reduce dissonance. I...take issue with how cognitive dissonance is interpreted because many examples don't account for the beliefs or opinions not being equal in the first place, but that's not the point. The point is that, as a child, the impulse to reduce dissonance is present while also being played against difficulty reading intentions, perceiving the world outside of yourself, and thinking critically. (For what it's worth, abusers also tend to discourage critical thinking because it damages their narrative, which would also play a part.) So, for example...

Say that, theoretically, Czes was yelled at every time he questions the idea that Fermet's intentions are right, or that maybe Fermet doesn't have his best interests in mind. (Czes is insightful, and they lived with each other for a long time, so this probably happened at least once unless the text directly contradicts me.) This is tame compared to the things we know about his time with Fermet, but ignore that. The desire to not be yelled at would lead him to hurriedly agree later on, and cognitive dissonance means that you're inclined to try to make your beliefs agree with your actions. In other words, the more he plays along, the more his brain tells him that he definitely believes this, and it makes perfect sense to! Fermet has shown that he cares about him, and took him in after his grandfather died, so of course. It only makes sense. And it's even harder for him to bridge the gap to a different conclusion because of how difficult it seems to be for immortals to change. It's only when Czes devours Fermet (or...or at least gets his memories) that everything snaps into place, because he can't reconcile that no matter how hard he tries (coincidentally, this also happens when he gets memories of being an adult, and while I seriously doubt that Czes went through Fermet's memories willingly, it kind of hammers my point about how difficult being eternally young would make things). So of course he snaps as hard as he does. It'd be kind of amazing if he didn't, honestly.

TLDR: Being immortal made it even harder for him to recognize or comprehend his trauma. Sorry for that.

#baccano #baccano!#czeslaw meyer #nile (baccano)#I don't know who else I discussed enough to tag #but the segment about szilard made me wonder whether you would have more memories from devouring a dozen people or from living #for a couple centuries #I think it depends on how old the immortals were #discord ramblings

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pinkdogplushie · 3 years

Text

My Hero Academia Atop the Fourth Wall AU

Is this niche? Yes.

Do I care? No.

Midoriya Izuku, AKA Dekiru, is just an internet reviewer that focuses on bad American comic books and terrible manga. Except he's not just that: he's also the Champion of Earth, the world's first line of defense against interdimensional threats. Together with his friends, he defeats eldritch gods of technology, creates memes, and harps on awful content.

Other details of the AU:

Superheroes and Quirks don't exist. Dekiru and his friends got their powers through exposure to bad media.

Inko and Toshinori often cameo on Dekiru's videos.

Aizawa Shouta, Code Name Eraserhead, is a former secret agent who lost both his partners in the field while he could do nothing but watch. He fell into a downward spiral until he was found wandering the streets by Izuku. He's lived with the kid ever since.

Kaminari Denki, AKA Pikachu, is Izuku's obnoxious roommate who's always trying to make it big as a youtuber without much success. He's smarter than he lets on, however, and he's a mechanical whiz. Later on he tries to change his nickname to Raichu, but everyone just keeps calling him Pikachu.

Hatsume Mei, AKA Dr. Mei, is a mad scientist who initially wanted to conquer the world and only teamed up with Dekiru to defeat Overhaul. But then they slowly became friends and she decided to work for the side of good.

Shouji Mezou is a ninja/professional dancer who never speaks but always ends up in trouble somehow. He lives with Izuku but is often on tour.

Takami Keigo, Code Name Hawks, is a government agent and spy, and Dekiru's liaison with the Japanese government. They're good friends despite the age difference, but for a long time neither trusted the other completely.

Shinsou Hitoshi, AKA Hitoshinsou, reviews bad horror movies with an absolutely dry sense of humour and plenty of fourth wall breaking. Best friends with Asui. Loves cats.

Asui Tsuyu, AKA Viridis Ranae, reviews bizarre low-budget movies with a peppy attitude and an equally bizarre sense of humor. Best friends with Shinsou. Also loves cats.

Kirishima Eijirou, AKA Manly Kiri, reviews video games across the whole spectrum of quality. He's very passionate about it, and the better a game is, the manlier he considers it.

Sero Hanta, AKA Sero, reviews weird news from across Japan, and sometimes outside of it as well. He considers himself a bit of an oddball among his friends, as he doesn't have special powers and doesn't go on adventures often. Easily the most grounded of the bunch. He eventually moves in with Dekiru after Izuku accidentally destroys his house.

Todoroki Shouto, AKA Icy-Hot, reviews mind-screwy, psychological movies with many layers of meaning. He is savvy both in academic culture and media analysis, and memes and conspiracy theories. Fans are split on whether his aloof, socially awkward self is a persona or his actual personality.

Uraraka Ochako, AKA SpaceGurl, reviews a lot of things, but mostly anime, manga and video games. She's a great dancer, and an even greater warrior. She owns a katana or two. She's yet to make a collab with Shouji, but keeps inviting him anyway. Dekiru's best friend and ally.

Aoyama Yuuga, AKA Yuuga-Oh!, is a flamboyant reviewer from another universe, who focuses on antiques and magical objects. Loves everything sparkly. He become a close friend of Dekiru, but eventually betrays him at thd behest of Midoriya Hisashi, Izuku's disappeared biological father, who knew the boy would become the defender of Earth and wanted to kill him at the peak of his power so he could finally conquer the world. Yuuga, who was raised by Hisashi in another dimension, ultimately double-crosses him and helps Dekiru defeat him.

Ojiro Mashirao is a Champion of an alternate Earth at war, who had to leave his world to collect magical weapons so he could arm the resistance. He's a great martial artist, but not a good conversationalist. He's initially stuck in Dekiru's universe with no way home, but he's eventually rescued by his girlfriend Tooru, the leader of his home world's resistance.

Tokoyami Fumikage, AKA Tsukuyomi, is a bird-headed demon who escaped from Hell and hid in Dekiru's apartment, tormenting him without meaning to. Once he and his 'twin', the spirit Dark Shadow, are discovered, they are granted official asylum in Dekiru's universe. Inspired by Izuku, they also become internet reviewers, with a focus on horror manga, comics, anime and movies.

Eri is the spirit of a little girl who was sacrificed so her blood and her hatred could be weaponized by an eldritch deity. She inhabits Dekiru's magic gun. She sees Izuku as her big brother, and develops a close bond with Aizawa, of all people.

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louistomlinsoncouk · 4 years

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“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Far from aimless, however, today the singer is full of beans, cheerily shushing his barking dog as he potters about his North London home where he lives with his best friend from home, Oli, and his girlfriend, the model Eleanor Calder.

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, where he divides his time to see his four-year-old son, Freddie, whom he shares with his ex Briana Jungwirth, a stylist. “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

#louis tomlinson #24nov20

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hlupdate · 4 years

Link

“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Far from aimless, however, today the singer is full of beans, cheerily shushing his barking dog as he potters about his North London home where he lives with his best friend from home, Oli, [...].

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, [...] “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

#louis tomlinson #241120 #lt livestream #e and f mentions from the journalist removed where there is [...]#nothing altered from louis #stunt mention #at the link

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