Once again thinking about the season 5 “I gave everything for you, and this is what you give to me!?” scene…
I don’t think Dean or Sam or anyone really realised the gravity of the decision cas made regarding his own future when he chose to rebel. Either they’d lose and Lucifer/Michael would kill Cas for going against them, or they’d win and while everyone else was celebrating, Cas’s family would track him down and kill him for disobedience. It was literally a lose-lose situation for him personally.
Like with Sam and Dean, at least there was somewhat of a chance that they could convince their respective archangels to let them share custody of the meat suit if they lost or they’d win and everything would be hunky dory. But with cas, there was a 100% chance he was going to die as soon as he chose to help them. Out of all the ‘good guys’, he was the one sacrificing the most to save humanity… and the kicker is he’s the only one who wouldn’t have benefited from the world being saved & wouldn’t have suffered if he’d just let it burn.
And it’s wild that like… nobody ever acknowledged it. Like ever.
CW: Cas has low self-esteem and gets physically abused and emotionally abused. Cas is made to feel less than by some of the characters in this vid who can just fuck right off tbh. Especially the first voice in the video. Go screw yourself lady
So why this vid? Why is it worth watching? Even as a Cas fan when it's very painful. Because the video maker interweaves Cas' pain, the way he is mistreated and his BAMF together to really highlight what Cas fights through everyday to be that BAMF hero. The video maker does this quite brilliantly I might add. We all know Cas is BAMF but nothing highlights it more than seeing that he was still BAMF, still a hero, still a fighter despite everything horrible that was said and done to him. Despite his successes being short lived. Cas had every reason to give up, to tell himself what is the point? and yet he didn't
Dean AU meet Cas and start to flirt openly with him and take care of him sooo good like Cas never had it, and Cas start to panic like “OMF is that what I’m missing?”, Dean start to panic like “OMG this copycat will steal Cas from me” and Sam will panic like “OMG I don’t deserve this shit”
Ok so I was just rewatching "Hunteri Heroici" because- why not? And throughout the entire episode we see Cas trying so hard to be a good hunter, make Dean proud of him, and he just can't seem to get it right. First with the dead guy sniffing, then the 'bad cop', and then getting them kicked out of the retirement home. I don't know why it took me rewatching this episode for the how manyth time to really look at Cas and subsequently his emotions in this episode. I might be projecting a bit, but we know Cas is autistic coded and I know from personal experience if I was trying my hardest to impress/make someone I admired (loved) proud and it backfired as it did with Cas and got the reaction it did from Dean ("Nice job on the bladder infection" and "You were being bad everything") I would be crushed. I can't help but agonize over that fact that Castiel Angel of the Lord, who we know feels so deeply would take these comments so literally.
Then not even mentioning the "I'm afraid I'd kill myself" in regards to what happened in heaven, GAHHhhhh, this episode had all the feels and none of them good. Like I said I don't know if I'm projecting this but just hearing Dean say those things I could fucking write Cas' dialogue in my brain if what must be going through his head. It hurts, it really does.