#but i can like contrived melodrama

[nothinggathers]

So a thought I keep coming back to about Detroit: Become Human is how Connor is the only android to ever put his mission, his goals, and his existence on the line for a human.

Hear me out.

Markus loves Carl like a father, but he never stops what he's doing for Carl's sake. You can, without question, come to a conclusion where Carl is alive and have Markus use a dirty bomb. None of Markus decisions can come at the expense of a human he cares about. Markus can take the pacifist route and let his people get killed to refrain from hurting humans, but that's a tactical choice Markus makes about how to win over a watching population.

Kara should have had that potential for sacrifice in her story. She saves Alice, drags her around the city, can steal for her and threaten others for her and sacrifice herself and others for her. Except because someone thought a twist was more important, Alice is an android. So Kara's story is about an android family, and the lengths they'll go to for each other. The revelation that androids will fight and sacrifice for other androids is not a revelation at this point. It just is.

Daniel loves Emma, but when he might be taken away from her he threatens to throw her off a roof. He tells the player, about a dying policeman, "All humans die eventually. What does it matter if this one dies now?"

And then there's Connor. If Connor is a machine he can be ruthless and unforgiving and coldly calculating.

But Connor can also not be that. Connor can put his first mission on the line for a human he doesn't know, to save a policeman's life.

Connor can let a deviant escape to save Hank's life.

Connor can sacrifice his own existence, at least in this body, to shield Hank, or he can destroy the deviant he wanted to capture alive to save many more.

Connor does this despite pressure from his creators. He does this knowing that these failures could lead to his own destruction.

And in the end, the very end, if Connor does all this and becomes a fully fledged deviant, he can also put the entire android revolution on the line. His existence, the existence of all androids, the freedom of an entire species can be risked to save Hank. Everything Connor is, and wants, and set out to do gets put aside because another Connor puts a gun to Hank.

Nobody else gets to make those sacrifices for humans.

Connor does it for Hank literal minutes after murdering two guards in an elevator. Two dudes that were just hired to do a job and happened to be in the way get unflinching bullets put in them.

But not Hank.

And even if Connor doesn't go deviant, if he had a good relationship with Hank he can refuse to kill him. He can pull him back off the roof and let himself get killed instead of killing Hank.

No other android gets those choices.

[yuridovewing]

Disclaimer: I personally have not finished TBC beyond the first book. I did finish AVOS and its back half is considered poor quality for a reason. If you aren't having fun now I can tell you right now you wouldnt enjoy the rest. At most I think (iirc) the last book is important bc it establishes Juniperclaw attacking SkyClan, and Shadowsight getting a vision to swim in the flooded lake to 'unite' the clans- both of which are relevant to TBC in some way. But even then you could probably skim to the rrlevant parts, IDK.

i'll be real when i made that post last night it was kind of out of sarcasm and pettiness, like i do think im still gonna read those last three books and skim the boring parts at the very least, but that's on me cause now when i look at the post it does come across as very whiny and serious so that's on me lmao. (and i was kinda whiny at the moment cause i always forget about how mean spirited these books are.)

buuuuut hearing what people are saying, it does make me feel a bit better for skimming the back half of avos cause i think thats what i'm gonna have to do for sanity's sake if i want to catch up. i do want to give quotes and takes that are really backed up by the books and not secondhand info so i will try to keep to it but i think if i'm gonna read about thunderclan being shitty to twigpaw then im gonna start skimming cause like, we all know they were shitty to twigpaw now, it was uncomfortable when she was a kid and its uncomfortable still now that she's an adult. you don't need to see that backed up once again.

[vegaseatsass]

My Stand-In Episode 10

Just a few scattered notes of things I have on my mind.

I have been very very very obsessed with the moment where Joe breaks up with Ming after Ming's mom went in on them. See, originally I took Joe at his word: He's tired. He's tired of the constant melodrama, the neverending battle just to exist. Ming and his family already killed Joe once, he just wants some quiet contentment and to not feel like he's fighting for his life every time he holds his boyfriend's hand. Honestly, I really loved that, that their breakup this episode wasn't a contrived fight full of blame and accusation, but was simply Joe realizing he's too exhausted and walking away.

But then it hit me like a load of bricks, that no, actually. Joe didn't end things in that moment because he wants peace and quiet. He left before Ming could hurt him again. He left because he didn't believe Ming would stand up to his mother or his family - or more like, he didn't want to let himself start hoping he could, and get disappointed. Since the funeral, Ming has been giving Joe everything he ever wanted Ming to give him and more (I mean if you don't count "respecting his boundaries" as something Joe wants but 1. Ming is kiiiinda starting to get there by the end of this ep lmao? 2. I'm talking about everything Joe wants to feel from Ming on a visceral level, more than what would make his relationship safe and sane). Ming has been telling Joe over and over again that he loves him, showing Joe over and over that he chooses him, showing Joe at every turn that Tong is nothing to him. No matter how much Joe or Ing push Ming or test Ming, Ming just keeps coming back and reaffirming his commitment to Joe, adapting to who Joe is now and offering him anything and everything he can give, sincerely, determinedly vowing to put him first. Joe has been trying so hard not to let himself want it or believe in it, but by the time they're in that meeting room with Ming's mom, he is back in honeymoon mode with Ming, truly starting to believe he gets to have the kind of relationship (two-sided. equal. where Joe is taken care of and spoiled and chased, not just the caretaker and spoiler and chaser) it used to feel too greedy to dare hope for.

And then Ming's mom reminds him of how easy (Joe thinks) it will be for Ming to pull the rug out from under him again, and send it all crashing down. Just like in his first life in honeymoon mode, when he realized Ming was here for Tong and not him, that this relationship that was making him feel so whole and safe was all a lie.

Like with something as big as breaking with a family that will never accept his sexuality, Joe has no instinct to "test" Ming or give him an ultimatum. I don't actually think it's with real disappointment in Ming himself that Joe gives up on Ming choosing him before Ming even gets the chance to try. I think Joe is probably completely sympathetic to the choice he expects Ming to make, and intellectually, doesn't begrudge it of him, the way he would (or should) begrudge so many of the actual terrible things Ming has done to him. But it still hurts so much to have reality force its way into their bubble, and remind Joe that even Ming trying his absolute hardest can't protect Joe from feeling that crushing loss again. So he takes himself away from the situation before it has the opportunity to hurt him again.

Idk if I'm getting at why I'm so obsessed with this, but there's just something to me about how happy Joe must have been feeling at Ming's side, to need to proactively remove himself from the situation to avoid getting his heart shattered like those mugs. Like "I'm tired" means "I can't do these high-lows anymore. I can't feel this good and have it taken away again." This is exactly why he's been trying so so so hard to freeze his heart around Ming: So he's not vulnerable to the particular kind of hurt he never recovered from in his first life.

And I just find it very moving that the source of that hurt this time isn't Ming making disastrous choices. It's something neither Ming nor Joe has control over. And Joe knows that! But it still hurts too much to hope and want things.

Meanwhile, Ming is like: Hope and want whatever you want, beloved. I am now Mr. Makes Shit Happen. I can do anything as long as you're alive in this world.

Which is another thing I've been thinking a lot about. Sol and Ming both trying to make themselves into these superperson supershields so things will be Different This Time, and smacking up against some natural end limits to their abilities. For Sol, no matter how hard he turns himself upside down trying to make himself into someone Joe can pick instead of Ming, the attraction will never be there, and Ming always WILL be there, reminding Joe of his feelings for him. For Ming, the limit on his absolutely determined devotion to Joe is his family. And Sol and Ming, both trying so hard to be bigger and more than they are, when they come face to face with their limit still refuse to back down. No matter how laughably futile it is.

To me, Ming standing there looking all tiny at the bottom of the stairs with his dad looming at the top is the equivalent of how manically out of his element trying to do the impossible Sol was in episode 9. But just like Sol, Ming can't stop now. No matter what happens in episode 11, Ming has to try to fight this impossible fight. Neither of them is willing to leave anything on the table after losing Joe once before.

Idk I wonder if they will have to work together before the end hahaha... we'll see.

I had more thoughts but this is once again a monster post so I will end by simply reiterating how amazing and hilarious I think it is that Tong tried to get Ming to pay him HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF BAHT for the privilege of removing the only source of happiness from his life. Like come to the meeting room, Ming! Let's make a deal where you go back to being depressed and alone, and give me all the money I want! Surely this will work out in a way where we can both walk out satisfied! The lion the witch and the audacity of this bitch <3 <3 <3 <3

[gaykarstaagforever]

St. Elmo's Fire (1985)

I've always heard nothing but bad things about this movie, how it is a self-indulgent soap opera about awful 1980s people who never pay for their gross behavior. Everyone says the only good thing about it is the John Parr theme song, which is barely in it. And that wasn't even written for it, it was a triumphant pop-rock anthem written to celebrate a kickass wheelchair athlete.

Which is painfully obvious. Then John Parr just worked the name of the movie into it and shrugged. And everyone loves it. But not the movie, which was financially successful because it had members of the smooth and sexy Brat Pack in it, but critics and studio heads hated it then, and many people hate it now.

I, on the other hand, genuinely really liked it.

For all his many shortcomings, Joel Schumacher knew how to put a good movie together in 1985, and he did here. Technically speaking, it's fine. Artistically shot, well paced, the performances are all high-energy and affecting, and even the screenplay is solid, minus a few lazy strolls into trashy melodrama and plot contrivance. But the characters are well-constructed as unique individual people, the occasional jokes are funny, and everything for the most part feels real and earned and insightful.

So why do people hate it? The simple answer is the same one Joel Schumacher apparently got from reluctant studio heads: these people are fucking awful. They're stupid and selfish and cruel, and when that inevitably blows up in their faces, they pout and whine and throw temper tantrums and beg for money. They're well-off white kids from Washington DC who just graduated from Georgetown, and instead of taking advantage of that, most of them are drug-addled mopes for whom the entire world being open to them is STILL not enough.

And I agree with this character critique. These people suck. The whole movie is them ruining the lives of everyone around them with their bad behavior. I have known people like this, and I don't anymore, because they are frustrating and destructive and what they do puts an unfair burden on everyone else.

...But the movie knows this, and that is, in fact, sort of the whole point? Sure, they don't end up dead or in jail, so maybe they don't get the full brunt of what is coming to them. But they're also all 22 years old. Speaking now as a 42 yo man, people who are 22 are stupid baby-things who ruin everything they touch and will absolutely hate who they were in 10 years. That's called growing up, and the entire point of the movie is to show a small part of that process. They DO learn. They DO grow. Not a lot, but a little. And that's how it is, and was, if you were 22 in 1985.

I don't understand why anyone would hate this. You can hate them, if you want. They're detestable. But a lot of privileged people in their 20s are. And while that doesn't absolve them of their shitty behavior, it's kind of unreasonable to not expect this shit from these kinds of people. They are products of where they come from, and now as legal adults, they have to work through that themselves and come out the other side as better people. It's a gross, stupid, weird, terrible process, and the movie shows a glossy, sappy Hollywood version of that.

And it's not bad, for what it is. I don't know if I'd put it on a Top Movies list or even ever watch it again, but it does what it does well. I even kind of fell in love with these big dumb idiots by the end, because as they learn lessons, they become better people. Or at least, differently bad people. But they are still in the middle of that process. I'm not hostile to it or them, or the movie, about it. I don't know why anyone would be.

It IS a movie from 1985, so it has a lot of "movie from 1985" problems. Sexism, treating stalking as a cutesy sitcom plot with a resolution that rewards the stalker, some SA stuff played for laughs, not quite knowing what to do with the women characters that isn't them constantly talking about the male characters, some awkward stuff about one character maybe being gay that seems like it could get interesting, but then the movie remembers it's 1985 and reveals he is super-straight actually, whew! But, honestly, for this era, it is very mild in this regard. I kept expecting it to go dark and problematic and it mostly doesn't (aside from the goofball "I kind of like being stalked" nonsense). For a movie from 1985, it is very watchable and only mildly offensive to 2024 sensibilities. That alone is a rarity, and a big mark in its favor.

Plus it is fun as a fictionalized snapshot of what wealthy white young adults in Washington DC were up to in 1985. Lots of people in their early 20s smoking like chimneys and desperate to get married immediately to people they barely know. Kind of wild.

Also, while these people all have bachelor's degrees, the ease with which they lose and get new high-paying jobs, seemingly without their degrees even being taken into account, is a shocking vision from the past. Sure, some of this is just unrealistic Hollywood guff. But not all of it. They really would just hire you for the modern equivalent of $1500 a week back then, because you seemed cool and your friend called and said yeah, you totally are.

Computers were only starting to be a thing back then. No one could verify anything, no one kept records of anything, and every job a machine does now was something 4 people needed to do in 1985. What a time.

And these idiots STILL whine and moan and never appreciate it! While doing cheap and plentiful cocaine. Ah, the 80s!

...Also, Young Rob Lowe.

Jesus.

...Also, Jules's insane ugly pink neon gay-ass apartment. That I want to spend the rest of my life in.

I'm not just doing a slur. It being designed by her gay designer neighbor is plot-relevant a couple of times.

Also, this poster...

The bar they hang out at is called St. Elmo's Bar. The St. Elmo's Fire thing (the real phenomenon) is from one scene where a character uses it as a metaphor to make another character feel better about how screwed-up their lives are. Arguably he was inspired to do this because they go to that bar a lot, but the connection isn't firmer than that.

The bar is not called St. Elmo's Fire, is my point. So the heat this summer would be at St. Elmo's Bar, not St. Elmo's Fire. Which isn't a place.

This is a poster for the movie! Did they not watch it first? Yes it matters!

And here, finally, because I have to:

HA HA! I GOT YOU! THIS IS THE DAVID FOSTER LOVE THEME!

...Which is way more prominent in the movie, and is honestly way more its actual theme. You will note how it fits the movie tonally a lot better than that driving synth-rock song about a cool guy in a wheelchair.

[topazadine]

Eternal Night of the Northern Sky - Truly Astounding!

Eternal Night of the Northern Sky by @physalian - what can't I say about this?!

Here's my review from Amazon:

Truly, I can't gush enough about 'Eternal Night of the Northern Sky.' It is one of the best books I have read this year, and if I could forcibly download this onto every Kindle user's device, I would. I have always been a fan of stories with a strong sense of environment, and god does 'Eternal Night of the Northern Sky' deliver. You truly feel as if you are there in the Great White Waste with the characters, feeling the snowflakes on your face from the guard wall, or sinking into a warm geothermal pool. Every word is alive with such vivid descriptions that hours passed before I realized I needed to get to sleep. I binged half of the book in one sitting; I was just too captivated to put it down. The prose grips you by the throat. There's an immediacy due to the present tense, and the powerful descriptions make you feel as if you're watching a movie, yet it never veers into melodrama. Every word is placed for perfect impact, neither too strong nor too soft. Bellows crafts such an evocative world but doesn't infodump; information is revealed exactly when it needs to be and in the exact right proportion. I never felt lost, but I also didn't feel lectured to, as often happens in fantasy novels. The worldbuilding is a background hum, with a rich interplay between vampire covens and human clans that is hinted at just enough to intrigue but not bore. What I also loved is how complicated the plot is, yet it doesn't feel contrived. All the pieces fit together perfectly, and we never feel any plot strictures that force Elias into different circumstances. He's simply a young man who happens to be in all the wrong places at the wrong time, pushed by forces beyond his control. This is so refreshing in a literary sea of protagonists who one can tell have been forced into narrative blind alleys for no greater purpose than drama. I especially appreciated that Bellows makes it clear how naive and inexperienced Elias is. He is, as Dorian calls him, a coward, yet he plays such a significant role in these long-brewing battles between vampire covens. Elias demonstrates a perfect balance between seeking agency and going along with the narrative; he feels deeply, achingly human. Not everything Elias does is admirable, brave, or clever, but I love that about him. Like a real human, he has his flashes of brilliance and his moments of stupidity, which makes him all the more enjoyable. And oh the ending, the last two chapters … everything comes together in a beautiful, neat bow. I cried, I really did. Bellows has gained a lifelong fan in me, and I am so happy that I found this book in the vast mire of the internet. I cannot wait to see what marvelous worlds she takes us to in her next tour de force, and I'll be first in line to purchase it.

Go buy it omg you will NOT regret it!!

[msviolacea]

So, I've been playing Ikemen Villains since its English release a week or so ago, and while I haven't finished a full route yet, I've been thinking about what I like and what I don't, so here, have an early review.

The tl;dr - I like it quite a bit, and am happy to keep playing. I don't like it quite as much as I like Sengoku, but I like it a lot more than I liked the other Ikemen games I've tried. I can recommend it to anyone who likes mobile game-type otomes with a darker tone.

The game setup: in an AU Victorian England, there's a team of men with questionable morals and fairy tale curses who work for the Queen to solve problems of even more awful moral implications. The main character is a letter carrier who accidentally witnesses their deeds and gets sucked into their world while they figure out if they can trust her not to spill their secrets.

What works for me:

The writing is top notch. It's light and fun when it needs to be, and hits the right combination of period melodrama and anachronistic modern that I enjoy in these kinds of games/stories.

The LIs are all very fun, and I'm looking forward to experiencing all of them. Even "wait, Motonari, what are you doing here, why are you alive like 300 years later and why did you change your name?" (I say this with all the love, I adore Motonari, but man I'm pretty sure they just recycled some cut dialogue from his IkeSen routes for Jude.)

I started with William's route, and I really enjoy the themes of "there's no reason to abstain from personal joy, you deserve to be your fullest self" that they're going for.

I also like the level of sensuality/sexuality they have going. If I'm playing one of these games, I want it to feel sexy!

I appreciate that they include content warnings for the darker content - one of the current event stories has a warning for potential dubcon content, which is nice. I don't mind reading the darker stuff, but I do like being prepared and being allowed to make a decision about when I want to read it.

I'm always a sucker for the fantasy Victorian aesthetic.

What works in comparison to the other Cybird games:

The chapter lengths are ... okay? One of the things that made me hard bounce off the other two Cybird games I've tried - Vampire and Prince - is that the chapters/segments felt REALLY short, in a way that felt like an over-the-top cash grab, in the "spend money to get a satisfying amount of story!" way. By contrast, the "5 tickets a day" amount I get from Sengoku feels like an acceptable amount of content - I don't know if IkeSen chapters are actually longer in terms of word count and scenes, but it feels that way, whether it's actual length or just quality of the writing/scene structure. In comparison, Villains chapters do feel shorter than Sengoku, but the content is presented in a way that feels generally satisfying to complete in the free daily tickets. I wish there was a bit more, but I'm okay with what they give overall.

The "oh no there's a time limit" plot contrivance is believable, in the context of the game and the genre. MC saw too much, they're giving her a month to prove herself trustworthy. That feels fair, with the genre conventions in mind. IkeSen's works well - Sasuke's "don't fall in love" warning is weirdly tacked on, but the actual time limit is the wormhole that would get MC home to the future, and the conflict is whether her connection to the LI/the characters in general will keep her in the past. I don't remember what Vamp's is, because I really bounced hard off of that game very early, but I remember that the Prince contrivance was the other major detail that made me ultimately abandon the game. What do you mean, the MC didn't read the whole contract she signed? All of this could be mostly solved if she'd paid attention? That just felt lazy on the part of the writers, and undermined the MC in a way that made me not want to follow her story. Anyway, I'm glad that Villains has one that makes sense and doesn't make the MC feel overly flighty.

The Villains art style is ... fine? Again, I don't like it as much as Sengoku, but it's comparable to/better than the other games I've tried from Cybird.

Some things I don't like:

I'm sure this is a tech issue, but GOD the loading screens in this game are SO SLOW. I can feel myself aging just watching the little lamp flash.

I know this has been a staple of the non-IkeSen Cybird games, but I really dislike the card system as it's integrated into the story mechanics. There's no benefit to the gacha. Oh look, it's .... a picture? There's no story involved, a la Tears of Themis, or anything other bonus content. I'd much rather stick with IkeSen's dress-up mechanic, at least dressing up avatars is a fun mini game. I am not tempted at all to spend real money to obtain so-so pictures that I can easily find on the internet if I really want them.

Ultimately, it's nice to have another otome that has grabbed my attention, and after playing a couple of the new event stories, I'm going to sit here and wait impatiently for Victor's route because I love him. But I'm certainly not going to be tempted to spend the kind of money I spent on IkeSen - which is good, I have a mortgage now, and I don't have the excuse of wallowing in my own grief + pandemic lack of leaving the house to excuse it, lol.

[a-world-with0ut-dr34ms]

Your Telepathic Hold On Me

From Control - Full Story in Progress on AO3!

Ghost x Shadow!Reader x Soap

mentions of past Graves x Reader

Love Triangle, Fluff, Rom/Com-like, Slow Burn, Romance, Drama, Melodrama, Character Study, Multi-POV, Semi Explicit, Slight Angst, Wet Dreams, Friendzoning, Steamy (but more teasing than actual smut), Masturbastion, Military Inaccuracies, Canon-Compliant (hopefully), Pining, Angsty with random rom-com moments, A Roller-Coaster, Dark, A bit edgy, Grown men with crushes

tw: // violence, blood

Word Count: 11.5k

This took me 5,000 years to conjure up and type, but I finally finished it and I enjoyed typing it so that's all that matters. I just wanted this to read like a messy soap opera for the eyes. I've been away for a while too so I figured I'd make this long. It's messy, but I'm trying to keep every in character. This is basically a love triangle. Please enjoy (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

Hope it's not boring and stupid, I'm rusty as hell (ʃᵕ̩̩ ᵕ̩̩)

Masterlist

There are many parts of life that Ghost has grown used to.

He's used to waking up every morning and having nothing but his work to look forward to. That familiar solitude waiting for him at the end of every shift was as much a part of his life as anything else.

He's used to his usual streak of bad luck too. It wouldn’t be a regular day for the man if some inconveniences and setbacks weren’t sprinkled in here and there. Dealing with bad luck was a hidden talent of Ghost that life had a funny way of testing. He’s been on edge waiting to see what’s in store for him next.

He's used to doing little things to occupy his free time, which has lately been a lot of journaling and late-night jogging. It helps to have something to preoccupy himself with, rather than turning to the bottle for comfort; yet another qualm inherited to him by his father. Ghost would never allow himself to succumb to such vices as easily as his old man had though. That’s a cautionary tale the lieutenant didn’t need to live through a second time.

He's used to dealing with strangers and all their odd comments and tantalizing stares. When you're as mountainous in appearance and intimidating to talk to as he is, you learn to grow thick skin and not take things so personally. And by now he’s grown used to keeping people at a distance. 

At the start, it had been deliberate, knowing he was in no place to be thinking of building relationships with anyone outside of his team. And even that was with the bare minimum effort. 

Everyone must have just finally gotten the memo. Almost everyone. Eventually, Ghost got so good at keeping people away that he hardly had to try anymore. They just stopped approaching him. Stopped asking him personal questions. Stopped trying. 

He's used to that feeling he gets when he sees couples in public. That twinge which knots at the pit of his gut and wrinkles his nose beneath his mask. As someone known to stare, PDA was definitely a head-turner for the lieutenant, and rather nauseating to look at. That's how he'd put it. 

What many would take for disdain, however, was really only a faint longing for something he's only ever been a passive observer to. Love. He isn't used to that feeling, though he is used to being the one always on the outside of it. Any other kind of love has only ever been taken from him all too soon. Always out of his hands, and always just out of reach. That's a lot more familiar to him.

But that feeling would come, and then it would pass, because it's what Ghost is used to. Moving. Working. Surviving.

Living.

It's safe to say Ghost can handle a few contrivances throughout his day. However, today seemed especially adamant on testing his patience, in all new ways he never thought of before. Both petty, pointless, and far too sweet.

Even his dreams had been out to get him this morning, which did not surprise him, as bad dreams stuck to him like a bad habit. Still, it didn't make them any less welcome. And looking back, it may have been best to have taken the dreams as a heads-up for the kind of day he was in for.

Ghost didn't remember passing out the night before, only that he had entered his room later than he should have, leaving you and Soap to yourselves. While he wouldn't say the night was terrible, it left him with more to think about than he'd wanted when deciding to tag along. 

That would be the case, as his mind would tell him so the moment he finally managed to pass out.

Contrary to popular belief, Ghost could be a surprisingly creative thinker. He's always been very imaginative, even as a boy. Had he a better childhood, perhaps it could have taken him places. But life's never had much in store for him it seems, so his creative talents felt best suited to his nightmares instead.

It had been a simple dream, a near recap of the night before. 

You've left the cafe in a fluster of emotions, soon to be followed by Soap. Ghost remained inside, standing off in the distance as he watched you both run off. Waiting.

The cafe would grow emptier as the minutes crawled by endlessly. The music would slowly fade, and the ambiance would die out. The lights would grow so dim that it made the building feel cold, and before long not a soul lingered around Ghost, who was now alone. Still waiting.

It wasn't until he heard the sounds of you both screaming that Ghost finally sprung from his spot and out the cafe doors.

Outside had been no different. All the traffic and crowds had all but vanished, a dense fog settling across the city streets that even the streetlights struggled to break through. And it was quiet.

Ghost quickly found you standing off a ways from the cafe, your back turned to him, and Soap nowhere in sight. 

In the waking world, Ghost was a man who modeled himself on control and discipline. He could not afford to be someone who let his emotions get the better of him, especially if his behaviors in his dreams were a reflection of who that man would be. 

In his dreams, where all that structure and discipline he's built around himself could no longer follow, lie a man untamed by demons and darker whims he felt powerless to take control over.

He demanded to know where Soap had gone. When you couldn’t answer him, he felt a violent urge take over. As though some demon suddenly possessed him. Ghost lunges towards you, his large hands over-compassing the small frame of your neck with ease, as he pins you to the cafe walls behind you, his dark eyes seething.

You look up at him, stricken with fear as your frail hands pull at him, gasping in shock as you whimper in his grasp. You plead to him, trying to reason with him, even now. 

Your words would only fall on deaf ears, as Ghost's grip tightened around your neck, the muscles in your throat bending to his grasp. His body moved with a mind of its own, blacking out everything else. Waiting to see in your eyes the fears he's harbored for you. Wanting to hear you curse him. Wanting you to affirm to him what he only waits for you to realize in reality. That he’s no good.

But even so, you hold no resentment in your gaze, nor pity. Your hands release from his wrist, slowly trailing up, until he's felt your warm touch rest against the sides of his face. Gently caressing him.

"Ghost..."

Ghost isn't sure when it was that his grip had loosened on your neck after that, only that his hands began to tremble soon after. You take a step closer, your hands still holding him, as his jawline all but sinks into your palms. All the while, Ghost's hands linger around your neck, having grown accustomed to its shape.

Your thumb gently rubs against his cheek, soothing his tense body. "Isn't this what you want?"

"I..." Ghost's head dips, no longer able to look you in your eyes. It shamed him to admit that he did want this. To be touched, to be held, to be taken in and for that not to go away. Not so soon at least. He didn’t want to need those things, to long for them. He’s gotten this far in life without them now, he knows he can keep it up. And yet… “...You're not gettin' in my head. I won't let you. I can't…"

"You can..." You lift yourself up on your tip-toes, the crown on your head just barely meeting his forehead, your eyes locked on his. "...I already am."

Despite your persistence, Ghost somehow manages to keep himself from succumbing to your urges, though it takes everything in him to. He needn't act out on these whims, even in his dreams.

However, your tenacity was a foe unmatched even as a figment of his darker imagination.

Your hands stop just at the end of his mask, and you begin to tug. The sensation is as if you’d begun to pull Ghost’s soul from him. He wishes it would have woken him, but the night’s hold was heavy.

You stop pulling his mask up just shy of the bridge of his nose, revealing the light stubble that painted the lower half of his face, alongside the light purse of his lips. With your hands still lightly gripping the side of his mask, you bring him down to you. 

You press your lips to him, and Ghost' powerless to contain himself, kisses you back, feeling a wave of ecstasy wash through him. Ghost grips your neck tightly again, catching the air in your throat as you gasp into his mouth. His lips overpower your own, his sheer size having you pressed harshly against the wall. 

Ghost only parts from your mouth for the smallest moment, only to come back in again, his hands using your neck to crane your head so that he could hold you in place. Keep you with him. Wanting nothing more than to feel you... only he is unable to.

Your neck in his grasp, your lips against his, your breath that fogged the air around him -- he couldn't feel a thing. Ghost had only the faintest idea of what that sensation could feel like, having felt it so long ago now. And yet he craved it. Yearning it. Because even his dreams could not replicate that smallest of feelings you once gave him.

But before he can truly ascend onto cloud 9, a sharp pain enters his abdomen, breaking through his sternum and piercing straight into his heart. The one thing he could feel. His lips part from yours, and his eyes drag down to where you had stabbed him. 

Ghost stumbles back, his body convulsing with pain as the blood began to pool from his chest and mouth. All the while he can hear your insane laughter filling his ears, a twisted glint to your gaze, before he's finally pulled himself out of his sleep and into a panicked wake.

Once he realized he was no longer dreaming, the stiff cold air of his room finally calmed him, Ghost wasn't sure what he found most embarrassing about what just happened, however -- The fact that he had that dream at all, or the fact that only seconds later, he’s noticed the throbbing hard-on he’d gotten from it.

Ghost groans to himself and sinks his head back against his pillow. “Fuckin’ hell…”

He would have left himself alone, had the arousal not been so painfully uncomfortable to leave be. Weakly succumbing, Ghost brings a hand down to himself to finish the job, sliding his fingers beneath the waistband of his sweatpants to take hold. 

He makes quick work with his urges, moving his hand at a fast pace as he kept his eyes closed, trying to picture something to help get it done quicker.

With no one else who really came to mind, Ghost couldn't help but think back to you. How your lips moved over him in his dream, how his hands fit perfectly around your neck, and how your own hands felt like chains around him. 

He escalates the scenario in his mind, picturing you ridding yourself of your clothes. Your body bare for his perusal. Ghost thinks about you climbing over him now, your legs straddling him to the bed and his hands tightly holding onto your hips. The sweet moans you'd make with him in you would haunt him for the rest of his life, as he’s watching your body vibrate with pleasure, your gaze wanting him evermore.

Ghost buries his face into his pillow just as he climaxes, that uncontrollable lust he felt quickly being replaced by guilt and shame. 

The way you had Ghost so wound up, you'd think he were a virgin. Though that wasn't true; it had been well over three years since Ghost has actually laid with another person, and even then that last time had just been transactional. Some stranger at a bar back home he didn't mind expelling some of himself into for the night. It hadn't meant anything. 

Intimacy hasn't meant anything to him for a long time now.

Yet the way you plagued his mind would have him thinking he's never known the meaning of lust and intimacy before, until now. Like he’s been missing out or something. 

While Ghost has dreamed of you before, never has it been so... graphic. Certainly nothing like this. And for a moment, it worried the man. He's used to his typical nightmares, and knows how to combat those by now. But how was he supposed to tackle this one? What even was this?

Ghost had given up trying to find the purpose of that dream the minute it grew easier to settle for the obvious answer, the one that pained him to admit: Perhaps he did have a crush on you after all. 

He finds you attractive, clearly. But a crush? It felt so beneath him, being unable to stop something as silly as that from forming. Still, this stupid little crush has somehow caused him more inner turmoil than any of the recent ops he’s last run, and it was mighty embarrassing.

It's safe to say, having to see you later today would feel more awkward than Ghost would have liked. Especially since it would technically be your first official day on the team. But he hadn't planned on treating you any differently than anyone else, and a single dream wasn't going to change that now.

That was the plan at least.

…

"You know Halloween ain't 'til the end of the month, right?"

Ghost stood in front of the register at one of the corner stores within walking distance from the barracks. The only one open this early in the morning.

The lieutenant damn near towered over the counter space, tired eyes watching unenthusiastically as the cashier  -- some scrawny little woman who looked like she'd seen a few street fights in her day -- scanned and bagged his box of tea. She's been giving Ghost the side-eye since she stepped in, shadowing him in every aisle. 

Ghost didn't blame her much, seeing as he's shown up in a hoodie and a ski mask. But honestly, the man really did just want to pick up some tea. While this had not been his first choice for tea, Ghost has come to learn how little Americans really care for the drink.

Had Ghost been back home, or not stationed here, he'd have forgone the mask and just gone later in the day. However, seeing as that wasn't the case, going early in the morning to pick up some tea at least meant he wouldn't bump into too many wide-eyed pedestrians ready to gawk at him for wearing a bloody mask. 

Ghost still could not tell for the life of him what fascinated people so much about it. It's only a mask. Though this is coming from a man who also, very often, forgets his sheer size and presence. The mask was only the cherry on top, really. Perhaps in their shoes, he'd do the same.

But even so, unprovoked comments from strangers were the lieutenant’s bread and butter. 

"Just bein' festive, Luv."

Ghost hands the woman cash for the tea, watching her take her time counting it. "And you went with that?" she asks, rather mockingly too.

"Weren't much to choose from, I'm afraid," Ghost says dryly.

The cashier hands Ghost his bag and gives him a learned smile. "Well, hey, you've got time." And then she waves him goodbye. 

Ghost merely catalogs this as yet another awkward interaction he's had with the locals since being stationed here.

The awkward occasion before this one had been with some other woman two days ago. Poor thing just popping by her nearest gas station for a drink, when Ghost all but gave her a stroke. The last thing she expected to bump into when she hastily opened the gas station doors was this ugly mug. She screamed so loud that Ghost was sure the entire block heard her. 

It's safe to say nothing has been quite as awkward as that. Who knew Americans could be so jumpy?

Ghost's walk back to his room had been a sunny one, on a sidewalk busier than this Wednesday morning called for. The air, once warm for the summer, was finally beginning to cool, as early signs of fall showed themselves in the tree's leaves.

As Ghost drew near his building, he passed by a floral shop that someone recently set up at the park. He'd taken a gander or two at the flowers his first time walking past them earlier.

Whoever set it up made sure to have the most vibrant flower arrangements decorating the area. Baskets sat displayed both high and low, filled to the brim with a rainbow of different petals and plants. It grabbed a lot of attention from the bystanders, people stopping to look or even buy a bouquet for their significant other. At times it was like watching a movie.

The last time Ghost bought flowers it had been for his mother. She always liked her lavenders and tulips, and Ghost always enjoyed the smile on her face when he'd show up to her home with them. He nearly sighs out loud just thinking back to that time. It feels so long ago now.

Ghost wouldn't say he had a Green Thumb, though he did always enjoy planting new flowers every Spring with his mother. Whenever she'd find the time to and his old man was away on another one of his benders long enough.

He remembers enjoying how colorful their front lawn would look when they finished, compared to the rest of the gray they lived around in Manchester. Everything around him when he was younger always felt so sad and lifeless, it was nice to just be with himself and the Earth, giving back to it in a peaceful way for a change.

A small part of him thought of buying some flowers for his room, just to lighten the place up some. But then he thought, what would be the point of that? Buying flowers for his room just so when it was late at night he could look at them and be sad all over again. Always the self-destructive sort he was.

A woman approached the shop suddenly, dressed in a white sundress and a light straw hat. She pauses when she sees the sunflowers, nearly matching her in height, as her hair wisps gently in the breeze. 

For a split second, Ghost thought that may have been you; she was your spitting image. It caught the man off guard so much that a cold chill shivered down his spine. Had the little details not tipped him off that it wasn’t you, Ghost would have thought you were stalking him. But it seems you only did so in his mind; anything else was more on him than you, he begrudgingly knew that much.

Ghost watched the woman longer than he should have, seeing her speak to the vendors with such vigor and excitement. She’d take another eyeful of all the flowers, and find herself in another state of awe before she was back on her tangent once more. She feels the petals, smells their scent, then smiles. And when her eyes turn back for only a split second, she sees Ghost standing a few feet away… and then she frowns.

Ghost stares back coldly, wanting to send her gaze away from him. Though when she does look away, it only makes the man feel rather silly. What, had he expected her to smile when she saw him? She's not you, he thought. No one was like you, and that's what made this so damn annoying to deal with.

The faint illusion of you was shattered once the woman’s husband stepped into view. Some short, skinny man who looked nothing like Ghost at all. He curved around her, his arm wrapping around her waist, as she looked up at him with a warm smile. The kind of look a woman gave to someone she loved. Ghost has seen it from others enough times to recognize it.

"Watch out!"

Ghost's head snaps over to the sound of someone shouting at him on the sidewalk. When he looks over, he sees a man on his bike, recklessly speeding straight toward him. 

With quick reflexes he's had time to fine-tune, Ghost quickly sidesteps the cyclist. However, it's not fast enough to keep the cyclist's handlebar from clipping his arm a little, knocking the box of tea out of Ghost's hands and into a large, growing puddle on the side of the road.

Once Ghost sees his tea completely submerged in the murky water, the man prepares himself for the worst-case scenario. He just stands over it for a moment, not even phased by the sheer luck of it all. When he kneels down to retrieve it, of course, the sealant wrapped around it was punctured, letting all the water get into each and every tea bag inside its box.

Though on the outside Ghost was calm and composed, there was a little man inside his brain, completely raging out about not having his tea right now.

Ghost stands to his feet and sighs, already knowing he wouldn't have time to go back and get more before this morning's briefing. He knew he should have just stayed in bed that morning.

He looks back off to the floral shop, for no particular reason. That woman in the sundress had gone by now, taking a basket of trimmed sunflowers with her. 

Ghost couldn't help thinking about you one last time.

…

Ghost was surprised to find Soap already waiting in the briefing room this morning, though the man looked as though he were seconds away from passing out dead in his seat. He sits hunched over his arms, dressed in his fatigues, though he's removed his coat and rolled the sleeves to his shirt up, his arms naturally flexing beneath the fabric. His eyes light up the minute he sees the lieutenant, though it's quickly followed by a short yawn.

"Mornin' L.T." he greets.

"MacTavish." Ghost takes a seat a few chairs from Soap, settling into his seat with a sigh. "You're up early."

"Aye," Soap rubs his hands over his face, attempting to further wake himself. "I'm as shocked as you, L.T."

"Were you two up long after I left?" asks Ghost. He'd been wondering that this morning more than he cared to admit. What was it you two could have been up to last night, all alone with nothing to do? Ghost wanted to imagine it had been nothing. 

To his dismay, he hadn't been prepared for Soap's answer.

"No, but..." Soap grins to himself, looking off into the room. Recalling the night before, and letting his cheeks begin to blush. Johnny didn't have to finish that sentence, Ghost already knew. "Man, what a woman..."

"Good grief, Johnny," bemoans Ghost. Good grief was right. He knew Soap had been into you as well, and you both make it more than obvious that you enjoyed flirting. It figures sparks would fly the minute you two could find the time to be alone together. 

Ghost wasn't happy to hear the news, regardless.

But before he can finish that thought, the door opens, and in comes both you and Kate Laswell.

Both 141 men haven't seen Laswell in a while, not in person at least. She's been busy running ops on the other side of the globe with their Captain Price. Soap's been moaning and groaning about getting back to working as a full team again; Ghost hadn't really cared either way. Just as long as there was something to do. And when you see Laswell in person, you know that time was nigh.

Both Ghost and Soap stand at attention before being dismissed by Laswell. She both liked and appreciated the professionalism from her boys in the Task Force, though she never had a problem with being casual with those she worked with for long enough.

Once Laswell was at the front of the room with you, she began with the point of this whole meeting -- to formally announce your transfer to the team.

Beyond that, Soap seemed too busy looking at you to really give a damn about much of anything else at the moment. Ghost could pass that off as normal behavior by the Sergeant. However, it's when Ghost looks over at you when it urks him. Because you're giving Soap the same googly eyes back, only your much more sly about it. Just not sly enough for the lieutenant.

"I know introductions aren't really necessary this time around," Laswell mentions. "But I figured we shouldn't skip the formalities. Commander Graves and his Shadow Company were kind enough to spare their second-in-command to help assist with our investigation. With her expertise in reconnaissance and data retrieval, and her background knowledge on the investigation already, both General Shepherd and I felt she'd be a valuable asset to the team."

"Well, well," Soap begins to quip. "Movin' up in the world, aye Canary?"

"It's the only way to go," you joke back, which in turn makes you both chuckle bashfully. 

It only took a few more seconds of awkward eye contact to pass before Ghost knew that something was up. It wasn’t just some little thing last night between you, he knew. It was something he no doubt would rather have not noticed.

"For now you'll be on standby," Laswell comments. "We have a few more preparations to make before your next assignment, but it should be soon. In the meantime, we've set up training courses and team-building exercises to keep you all fresh for when we need you. Today's should be fun if I'm not mistaken."

"Aw sweet," Soap whoops dorkishly. "Are ye joinin' us then, Kate?"

Laswell smiles to herself, already preparing to leave the meeting. "I, unfortunately, have a flight to catch in the next hour," she says. "I'm assisting Shepherd with another lead. Along with Commander Graves, funny enough."

Laswell looks to you now, but to Ghost's surprise, you don't appear all that happy to be hearing your commander's name be mentioned. Not like you usually have been in the past. You instead roll your eyes jokingly, some thought irritating you for a moment before you've buried it.

"Good luck," you tell her. 

Ghost can't help but wonder what you could mean by that. The last time he saw you two, you both seemed rather close to one another. Though you seem pretty close to Soap now as well; perhaps that's just how you are with people. It piques his interest nonetheless.

Laswell adjourns the meeting soon after giving you all more details about what's been planned for you today. While today's training was dressed up as a way to keep you all from getting rusty, Ghost knew there was more to this than meets the eye.

When getting transferred, you've just essentially jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. The Task Force has you beneath a magnifying glass right now, ready to watch your every move and place it side-by-side with their own. A mix of friendly competition, and equal parts a deadly game.

Because you were transferred here for a reason, Ghost thought. If you can't keep up even in the courses, the abnormality of your arrival surely wouldn't benefit from it.

You must know this, because something felt a bit off about you this morning. Like there was a lot on your mind suddenly and it was wearing you down.

You let out a sigh once Kate has left, letting your hands fall back to your sides as you try and mentally pep yourself up for the courses. You didn't look all that thrilled.

"So, marksmanship trainin', eh?" Soap starts speaking first. "I'm lookin' forward to seein' what you got, lil' bird."

You scoff. "Little bird?"

"Oi, if you won't tell me your name, then I've gotta call you somethin' else then, don't I?"

You laugh at his comment, though only softly. Admittedly, "Little bird" felt rather close to "Songbird", a nickname you're sure Graves has dumped by now. You'd much prefer something new anyway. And it did help that the Scotsman's accent made the words sweet like candy for your ears when he said it. "Fair enough."

"So are you a good shot?" the Sergeant asks.

"I'd say so," you brag.

"We'll see soon enough, won't we?" Ghost finally speaks.

Your eyes fall on his, and while he can see a fire light up in them suddenly, he can also see that flame being dulled by something else. Something that had you look more worn than you probably were aware of.

"I can feel the pressure already," you say sarcastically.

"Aw, I'm sure you'll do fine," says Soap.

You look down at your feet almost shyly. But then you catch yourself, smirking and looking back up at the two men. Putting on an act, no doubt.

"I bet you I'll get the top score today," you boast.

This makes Soap sit up in his seat now, laughing to himself charmingly. "Oh is that right?"

"Damn straight." You begin to make your way to the exit, settled with preparing yourself for the course. "I'll see you boys on the course." 

You leave them with a wink, and Ghost catches Soap smiling like a moron.

Ghost gives Soap a few seconds to re-gather his wits about him before speaking. "Bloody hell, Johnny," he says. "'Have you gone mad?"

"I'm sorry, sir?"

"You and her," Ghost gestures with his fingers. When Soap tries to play dumb momentarily, it only seems to further tick the lieutenant off. "Didn’t I just get through with tellin’ you last night to keep your head on straight, Sergeant?”

"Oi, relax mate," Soap puts his hands up defensively. He quickly chuckles to alleviate any tension between the two men. "Nothin' major's goin' on. We're just… oh, I don't know. We're just havin’ fun while we can."

"We have a job to do, MacTavish," Ghost scolds.

"You know it's OK to lighten up and live a lil', yeah, L.T.?"

Ghost doesn't respond to the Sergeant's comment immediately, only because he began to ponder them. Lightin' up and live a little? He thought. Lightin' up and live a little…

"That is what I'm doing," Ghost says. He knows he doesn't sound all that convincing, but he wasn't about to elaborate further; he hoped it was enough to take the topic off himself. Soap always had a knack for doing that.

Soap chuckles at Ghost's comment, shaking his head at him. "Sure it is, mate."

Ghost rolls his eyes and stands from his seat. "Just don't let this get in the way of things, yeah?"

"We’re grown. I know what I‘m doin’."

"So you say now."

Nothing major going on. Even hearing that seemed to strike a hidden nerve in Ghost he hadn't felt before. So something did happen last night after he left. Of course it did. This was Johnny we were talking about here. The man could win just about anyone over if given the chance. It's why Ghost hasn't allowed him many opportunities to. But it seems in doing so with both Soap and you, it's only seemed to bring you two together instead.

Why didn't that feel like a good thing to Ghost?

…

Apparently, time no longer has any real meaning. Not in any way that you've found to be helpful. Because it seems you can spend half a year in bed with someone -- giving them everything, always being there -- and in a matter of seconds, watch all that time not mean a damn thing anymore.

I can't deal with this right now.

That's what Graves decided to text you last night after hearing your distraught voicemail. He can't deal with this right now. With you. 

It was almost embarrassing how gut-wrenching it had felt to read that, even as you'd thought you'd been prepared for it. Though before long that hurt turned to bitterness, as you slowly grew disgusted with your previous feelings.

You spend nearly a year with the man and that’s how he chooses to respond to you in a time of need. Talk about ripping off the band-aid. Alas, your commander was always just a step ahead of you all along, both in mind and feeling. 

“Over” really does mean over. 

But did it have to mean losing him completely? You felt it didn't have to be this way, but maybe it was selfish of you to have thought he'd want anything to do with you once you both cut romantic ties. After all, at the end of the day, you're only his subordinate.

Well then fine. If that's how Graves wants it, then that's how he'll get it. You felt ready enough to get back to focusing on yourself anyway. And from the way Ghost has been hounding you over this "training" course, you could use the work.

"You're off your mark!" Ghost's voice comes booming over the intercoms inside the course, though at this point you couldn't really tell him apart from your own inner thoughts. Beyond that iconic gruffness Ghost's voice possessed. At this point, you'd about heard enough of it.

This was meant to be a simple marksmanship course. Same shit, different day. The base had a whole thing set up for the team, the course being inside a large, sanctioned-off building. By now the rest of the team has gone; to no one's surprise, Ghost scored the highest, with Soap being a rather close second. 

That's only left you with the boulder size responsibility of having to prove your worth to the team by beating at least one of their scores. Easier said than done, as this was now your fourth attempt running through now.

You needed to score above the Sharpshooter level. Everyone else on the Task Force could do it, and you knew you could too. Yet every time you rounded the bend and the clocks were stopped, Ghost had the same result to share with you time and time again. "Sharpshooter."

And like that, you were asking to run the course again, reloading your rifle and waiting for Ghost to buzz you in for another go. Even he was starting to side-eye your performance.

On a different day, you may have breezed through this. It's not like you're not a good shot in your own right, and you've always been competitive. However, you hadn't realized how much of a funk you were in until now, and it was really taking a toll on your speed.

You wouldn't give up so readily, however.

You knew this was silly. You knew you didn't have to prove to anyone what skills you had. You were transferred here for a reason and anyone who had something to say about that could argue with the wall about it. But it meant something to you to tell yourself that you could do this. Because you know you can. And if Ghost is OK with continuing to supervise you, then you're OK with running the course for a fifth time.

You reach the course exit nearly out of breath, stray strands of hair now escaping your bun and sticking to the sweat of your cheeks. You lower your rifle and slouch over in exhaustion. That has to be it. "What did I get?"

Ghost steps over to you from where he's been monitoring your progress, having multiple cameras set up towards the lobby area just outside the course. His eyes lazily dip down to his clipboard, before sluggishly returning to you again.

"Sharpshooter."

You groan to yourself, annoyed, as you stepped over to the lieutenant so you could review your results. As you expected, you're only four seconds shy of Soap's top score. You haven't been able to get any closer than that.

"You keep hesitatin' when you pull the trigger," Ghost chided suddenly. "Think less with your feelings, more with your gut. Otherwise, you keep this up and it'll get you killed one of these days. I mean they teach that in basic, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," you jab, which clearly does not humor the lieutenant in the slightest. Though nothing seemed to humor him much today. In fact, he's seemed almost annoyed with you. Not that you know what it is you might have done. You had more pressing issues to deal with as is.

"I'm not talkin' for my own benefit here," Ghost remarks. "What good is havin' you with us if you can't keep up? This needs work."

"I get it, Ghost, I do," you straighten up, trying not to take his words to heart. 

"Then start acting like you do," he said.

You know that in some way he just wanted to be sure you were ready for what you've gotten yourself into. He didn't want you holding them back, and you shared the sentiment. Even now, he's only run one mission with you in the past, and you'd say your performance then was less than satisfactory that night also.

However, the lieutenant's harping could be rather grating. And he had no problem with continuing, however long you continued to stand in front of him.

"You'd 'ave been dead already, had I not been there on our last op," he says suddenly, a fact you needn't any reminding of. It's part of the reason why you haven't just called it a day yet. "Hesitation, Canary. That's your problem. Fix it."

"Yes sir," you nod.

"Now," Ghost ushers for you to get back to it. "Show me what all this fuss is over you Shadows. I'm still waiting to see for myself."

"In due time, Lieutenant," you say.

"Clock’s tickin'."

You rush back over to the course entrance, waiting at the doorway with your rifle hugged to your chest for Ghost to buzz you in. As you prepare yourself, you don't notice Soap entering the building only seconds later. Before he'd had time to say anything though, Ghost buzzed the door open, as you rushed into the course, the timer beginning.

By now you had most of the course memorized: Around this corner is a narrow corridor with six rooms on either side. Each room is filled with a mix of targets and civilians made out of metal posts that swing up once you've entered the room. The objective at this point was simple enough -- clear out all hostiles as fast as possible with as few casualties as possible.

As far as you're concerned, your precision more than matches Ghost's and Soap's, and if they couldn't see that at this point then they were deliberately giving you a hard time. When you shoot, you don't miss. It's something you've prided yourself on. However, your speed seemed to be more of a crutch than you'd noticed.

From the monitors outside the course, Ghost and Soap watch as you swiftly infiltrate the first two rooms, taking out the first couple of targets in a matter of seconds.

Soap watches intently, not having had the chance to really see you run the course yet. He has to keep himself from grinning; watching you was damn impressive. "How many times has she gone now?" he asks.

"Four. Excluding this one," Ghost answers.

"Steamin’ Jesus," Soap huffs. "How's she scorin'?"

"Just two seconds shy of Expert," Ghost says. "She's nearly got you beat, Johnny."

"Wow, OK," Soap says rather proudly. "She's passed then technically, no?"

"That's right," says Ghost. "She's runnin' this by her own request. Says she can beat one of our scores."

"And she might beat mine?" Soap whines, though Ghost can't tell if it's out of competition or genuine adoration. Though the man's next comment would leave little to the imagination. "Woof. What a woman."

"She's got it down, mostly." Ghost continues to monitor the cams, seeing you reach the final two rooms of the corridor. "Apart from this one bit ‘ere..."

Ghost watches you enter the room, your rifle raised and ready to fire. The targets spring up as displayed: two hostiles and a civilian woman. The hostile cutouts appear as cliche as possible, dressed in dark tactical gear and expressing themselves rather angrily. The woman was rather comical as well, drawn out to look as though she were screaming and crying.

You reach this room and it takes you a good three seconds to fire, and soon after your performance from this room to the next slows down drastically. Just as it has done the last four times.

Ghost presses down on the intercoms again. "Pick it up, Canary," he barks out. "You tellin' me you got in with that aim?"

"A bit harsh, eh L.T.?" Soap comments.

"Some tough love never hurts," Ghost retorts.

You barge back through the course exit once more, reapproaching the lieutenant as you eagerly await your score.

Ghost reviews everything, and looks back at you plainly. "Sharpshooter."

"Fuck!" You throw your head back in defeat, groaning to yourself loudly.

"Fuckin' hell, Canary," Ghost crosses his large arms over his chest, cocking his head at you rather disappointedly. "We haven't got all day. Maybe it's time to call it quits-"

"No," you immediately protest. "I can do this, I know I can..."

Despite the vigor in your voice, your eyes betray you when they fall from the lieutenant's. You didn't want the doubt to start settling in, but it had been a tough battle for it not to. Both Soap and Ghost scored Expert with ease, and here you are now struggling to even make it that far. Even if you get it now, what good would it do?

Having sensed the sudden change in your demeanor, Ghost sighs to himself suddenly, relaxing his posture. "Don't doubt yourself then," he starts. "You've got the right idea; you can do this. I'll be here 'til you do, lieutenant."

Don't doubt yourself. You can do this. I'll be here 'til you do… You want to believe Ghost when he says that. Don't doubt yourself. You're here now, aren't you?

Ghost can see in your eyes that he's said just what you needed to hear, and a small smile forms. You can't see it, but the softness of his gaze made you like to believe it so.

You give the lieutenant an affirming nod, before rushing back over to your starting position, waiting for him to buzz you in for a sixth time.  You should have stopped being embarrassed about it three tries ago honestly.

Ghost calls to you suddenly. "Canary."

You look back at him.

"Remember," he said. "Don't hesitate. You can do this."

"You've got this, Canary!" Soap cheers you on from the sidelines. You wondered if they both could hear your heart skip a beat. You give them a final nod, before turning back to the obstacle, and seeing the lieutenant buzz you in.

Ghost watches you from the monitors, seeing you move unlike any way you have before. You sweep each room with ease, being stopped by nothing and quickly making your way to the next like a shadow in the night. Your performance is so beautiful, neither men can even bring themselves to make a comment on it. They were too busy watching.

"There she goes," Ghost says under his breath, not even aware that he had begun to. Though you can't see Ghost, you can feel him cheering you on from the other side of the wall.

You reach that final room that's been tripping you up this whole time, watching as the cutouts pop up. You remember not to hesitate, and really allow your mind to let go of itself and your finger to move over the trigger naturally. You pull the trigger and drop your targets, and move out in a flash, finishing the last room with ease and making a dash to the course exit.

You barge through the doors for your sixth and hopefully final time, eagerly waiting for Ghost to give you your score, turning the safety to your rifle and placing it on the rack with the rest of them. This had to be it. You could feel it.

Ghost goes over the score, and even he can't hide how impressed he is. You just scored higher than he did.

"Expert."

You let out the girliest squeal imaginable, and it damn near startles both men, as your arms shoot above your head with excitement. You did it. You did it! Not only did you do it, but you beat both Soap and Ghost's scores on top of it. Even though it took you damn near half the day, you didn't care, because you did it.

And then you do something you probably shouldn't have.

Being a habitual hugger in most instances that called for it, your first instinct was to hug someone. Soap wasn't immediately by you, however, Ghost was. And you weren't really thinking when you leaped over to him joyously, your small arms barely managing to wrap around his large frame, as you pulled him in for a hug.

Immediately you feel the lieutenant's body tense up, the man feeling like a statue to hold as a small gasp escapes his lips. Suddenly the man forgot everything he was previously thinking. 

It's a good thing he could keep himself together, however, because had you truly surprised him, he may have accidentally pushed you away from him. Or worse. If only out of instinct. And if you knew the kind of morning he'd had, you might have thought twice about coming in so casually.

Still, your arms felt as good to be wrapped in as they had that night nearly a month ago. You squeeze him as tightly as you can, your face buried in his chest and your smile lying against him. Warm and true. Just like he remembered it.

Just as he's thought of wrapping his arms around you and finally returning the hug, you let go of him, noticing how stiff he is no doubt. His cold and guarded behavior doesn't dampen your mood, as you look up at him and smile. He gets lost in the way your eyes glisten with joy, not wanting to break from its hold just yet.

But alas, Soap has come in before Ghost can say anything further. You see the Sergeant approach you with a huge smile on his face, his arms already out for you to jump into. Which you happily obliged. 

You practically bolt to him, feeling him completely envelop you, as you nuzzle your head into his chest, smiling into him, squealing. Soap reciprocates your hug tenfold, embracing you so tightly it nearly takes the air from your lungs. But there was no better sensation than the feeling he gave while having you in his arms. He could take the oxygen from your lips as he wishes.

"I knew you could do it!" Soap boasted, his voice vibrating inside your chest. Had Ghost not begun to speak, you would have nearly forgotten he was there. Only momentarily.

"Alright," he says rather gruffly. "That'll do, you two."

You and Soap pull yourselves away from each other, awkwardly straightening yourselves up before looking back over at Ghost. He seems more interested in looking at you than Soap, however. His eyes peered into you like daggers suddenly, and it nearly sucked the excitement straight from you.

Have you overstepped?

"I say we celebrate with some drinks, aye?" Soap says suddenly, doing his best to alleviate the sudden tension that had grown between you and Ghost, as even he noticed it now. It nearly works.

"I need at least 48 hours between my nights out I'm afraid," you laugh. 

Soap shrugs. "Eh, suit yourselves then. I'll see if the others want to."

"No rest for the wicked, right Johnny?" Ghost quips.

"Right you are, L.T." Soap clicks his tongue.

The two of you watch as Soap exits the building, leaving you two alone. Suddenly the room felt empty of all its oxygen and incredibly small.

Ghost looked down at you like he had something to say but wouldn't. It's how he's been looking at you all day. You tried your best to not let it get to you, but you couldn't help but worry that last night may have rubbed him the wrong way.

Quickly, you think back on what it was that you may have done to suddenly to provoke him.

"Hey," you turn to Ghost, meeting his eyes bravely, though you admit his gaze felt more chilling than usual. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable just now. I didn't mean-"

"Just keep things professional, alright?" Ghost scolds. "You’d do good rememberin' that, lieutenant."

Right, you understand where the man's coming from. You're here to do a job, not mess around with them. Though they do make that a challenge not to do.

"Right," you nod, looking down at your feet rather defeatedly. "I'm sorry."

You weren't used to feeling this presence from Ghost. Like the sight of you suddenly brought him some sort of displeasure. You've heard stories of that famous, disinterested gaze of his, and how being next to him could make you feel puny in more ways than one. Maybe your were just hoping you'd been a special case with him. What were you thinking anyway?

But then Ghost goes and does something that makes you think maybe you aren't stupid for thinking you're something special. You hear Ghost sigh, and to your sudden surprise, you feel his hand rest firmly on the top of your head, as he began to pat you like a dog.

"Good job today, Canary."

When your eyes meet his again, you smile. And oh, how quickly are you reminded of what it was that kept you so interested in wanting to get close to the lieutenant. These small, little moments he scarcely let out.

You remember how encapsulating his eyes were, holding many years of experiences and stories that only he could tell. Every time you caught them, you couldn't help but wonder what could be going on behind that mask of his. What could be on the mind of a man like him?

Would you ever know?

"I had a good coach," you smile.

"Don't take 'em for granted," Ghost says dryly.

"I won't," you smile. "Thank you. Really. You were just the motivation I needed, it seems. Thank you."

Ghost leaving you with his approval was enough to drown out any other negative feelings you felt a moment ago. At least for now, which was enough.

Despite the mask, from how his jaw shifted momentarily, you could tell he was about to say something to you. Though he decides not to. You'll spend all night wondering what it was he wanted to say, instead of what he opted for instead.

"Don't mention it."

…

Inevitably, the day comes to yet another end. 

After leaving the course, Ghost made sure not to be anywhere near you, needing the chance to recuperate with himself badly. He was beginning to learn how incredibly difficult it would be to block you out of his mind. 

If you weren't such a treat to talk to at times, he's sure he would have no troubles whatsoever with keeping you at distance. But it seems if you're given even the smallest chance to talk to him, the man couldn't help but cave in and be nice back to you.

So he would need to go to plan B now if he wished to squash this little crush and get back to working with you professionally -- avoiding you.

At the very least, Ghost knew he could escape you once the night came, and there was no better distraction than the man's own hobbies. 

Ghost waited until it was well past a reasonable hour to be out, before changing into some gym attire (mask included) and heading out for his nightly jog. The one thing he'd actually had left to look forward to today.

Ghost arrived at an open track just 3 miles or so from the barracks, the field shrouded behind trees and shrubbery, as the clouds began to break and divide amongst a cool, night sky. No one else seemed to be around, a part from the occasional vehicle driving by. It almost excited the man to finally have a place to run that was all to himself.

Most people would be in bed at this hour, however, Ghost liked to use these hours to run errands and work out, seeing as it was the best way to avoid the crowd. He'd scouted out the area around the base the moment he got the name of where he was moving to. 

So you can imagine Ghost's shock and utter dismay when he arrived at the track field and saw that not only was he not alone, but you had been there as well.

Wonderful.

Ghost looks up to the sky for a moment, like a camera was looking down at him, with some distant audience laughing at him. Certainly, the universe was having a go at him. He was prepared to turn back around for the night, or even find another place to do his run. However, you see him in the distance before he can escape.

"Ghost?" 

You call to him, jogging over to where the man stands a little ways off from the track. You were changed into some tracksuit which fit you like a model on the cover of a magazine. Ghost looks you up and down, and then quickly hopes you hadn't just noticed that. 

From the sweat that painted your brow, you'd already been out here for a while. Out of breath, you begin to tease the lieutenant. "Can't stay away, huh? You followin' me now?"

"Not in the slightest," Ghost responds. "I wasn't expecting any company."

"Oh, well... surprise," you grin at him.  "I’ve only got three more laps if you want to be alone.”

Ghost could work with that.

“I’ll work around you," he said. "Don’t worry about it.”

...

You swear you were going to leave Ghost alone on the track.

You were coming up on your last lap now; Ghost had gone ahead and started his way around, sporting his usual hoodie and sweatpants get-up. It made him look like a hulking, shadowy mass on the track, calmly jogging his way along by. Paying no mind to you.

When he'd run by you, he'd make no acknowledgement of your presence, his mind fully focused on jogging. After he'd passed you a third time when you'd not even finished your second lap around, your impulses got the better of you.

Playfully, you wait for Ghost to run by you again before picking up your own speed. Though it's dark, and Ghost, as usual, is wearing a mask, the look on his eyes when he glanced over and saw you jogging side-by-side with him couldn't be more bemusing. 

Ghost doesn't say anything though, merely rolling his eyes as he turns his focus back to the track ahead of him. And then, the bastard actually started to run a little faster. Just fast enough to not be next to you anymore.

Asshole. You pout to yourself, before it's turned to a cheeky smirk. You wouldn't be done just yet.

You pick up your speed now, matching with the lieutenant's again until you're running alongside him once more. When the lieutenant looks over at you again, you smile sarcastically and wave at him.

Ghost runs ahead of you again. But he wouldn't get away from you that easily.

You catch up to Ghost again. And he runs away again. You keep picking up the speed, and every time you've matched it Ghost goes faster. Pretty soon, you both are practically bolting down the track after each other.

You start laughing to yourself, Ghost's stubbornness to let you jog beside him growing borderline comedic to you at this point. Of course you felt equally childish chasing after him, but it also made you feel kind of happy too. It was childish and it was sweet, and you were just having fun.

"Give it up already!" Ghost huffs out suddenly. His tone would lead you to believe he's annoyed, but it's so out of breath you find it goofy.

You laugh out loud. "You first!"

You're just about to be at Ghost's side again, when the universe suddenly feels the need to make you eat your own words. Your foot catches onto the ground wrong, as the tip of your toe trips you, causing you to topple over at top speed. 

You yelp.

The suddenness of it causes Ghost to turn and look your way, as he sees you about to fall. Instinctively, he turns, ready to catch you, just as you subconsciously reach out to grab hold of him. As a result, you both go crashing onto the ground.

Ghost falls onto his back, his head bouncing off the ground with a heavy thud. Meanwhile, you fall on top of the man, who right now feels more akin to a pile of bricks than anything remotely comfortable. As you crash onto him, you feel your weight shoot all the air out of his lungs, as you both fall down with a heavy oof.

"Fuckin' hell, that hurt!" Ghost groans, shooting a hand to the back of his throbbing head. 

You adjust yourself on top of him, trying to catch your own breath. "Are you OK?"

"It's nothin'," Ghost says.

"I'm sorry…"

Ghost pauses, lifting his head up slightly so that his eyes could meet yours. You watch the way his mud-color eyes twinkle in the night, observing how the dark of his irises took in every bit of you. It was hard to look away from.

"Like I said, it's nothin', Luv." 

Ghost rests his head back on the ground with a sigh, staring up at the starry sky above instead. The whole time you remain in place on top of him, feeling the rising and falling of his chest beneath you, as it carried your tiny frame with it. 

Had his hands not still been firmly clasped over your arms, you would have removed yourself from being on top of him. You're not even sure he's noticed himself still holding you.

"You're a stubborn bloody woman,” he comments suddenly.

"I almost had you, though," you tease.

"No."

"You're a lot slower than I remember, Ghost."

"You're a lot clumsier than I remember, Canary."

"Good thing I have you here to catch me then,” you giggle. “Helps you stay on your feet, lieutenant."

"They didn't mention that bein’ part of the job."

"It's under the same section that says not to hesitate."

"I'm surprised you read it then," Ghost teases.

"Oh fuck you."

You laugh and jokingly nudge at him, but almost pause when you feel something suddenly. For the first time since you've known the man, you feel his chest bubble in a light chuckle. He actually chuckled. Of course it's barely audible, and only last for about a second. But he did. And suddenly your heart was racing.

"Does this make me a winner then?" he sarcastically asks.

"For now anyway."

You laugh at his joke, subconsciously resting your head back down on his chest as you did.  In the meantime, Ghost was doing everything in his power right now not to focus on the fact that your body was shifting and moving and vibrating on top of him, your whole being so close to him that he felt he could go to sleep right here.

Though Ghost doesn't speak, you can feel his heartbeat begin to pick up in his chest as well. It makes you pause, you can't lie.

You notice his eyes have been locked on yours for a rather long time now since you’ve looked back at him. Well over a minute. His gaze is softer than anything you’ve seen before, and he’s lost in you from the looks of things. Lost in your eyes, lost by your touch, not even fully aware of just how long you’ve been on top of him, your heart thumping with his.

His hand gently trails up your arm, and it freezes you in place, your breath catching in your lungs. Wondering if you should stand or speak before something happened. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious as to what it was Ghost might be planning. Surely he wouldn’t do anything drastic, would he? No, not Ghost. Not the man who prided himself off on his discipline and formality.

Suddenly you’re noticing just how close you are to him too; you’re on top of the man for crying out loud. A position you never thought in a million years you’d be in, let alone today. And his eyes looked so much prettier up close, when they weren’t glinted with their usual tired disdain. No, the look he gave you was now something more… delicate. As delicate as his hands were against you.

Ghost’s voice is so faint you almost miss him speak to you. “Y/N…” 

You didn’t think he’d do anything, however, his hand keeps sliding up your arm, and it's making goosebumps dance down your skin like a ballroom dance. His fingers trace up to your neck, as cold as they were gentle, and you feel as though you’re seconds away from fainting. What is he doing? What in the world is going on right now?

"Ghost..?”

It’s as though the sound of your voice brought him back to the reality of what he was doing, because the second you speak, his hand pauses. His eyes grow wide, before a fire starts to burn behind them, and he takes his hand away from you, shifting himself up instead.

You take the hint, finally climbing off of him as you both fixed yourself, an awkward silence having now fallen in the air. You weren’t sure if you should comment on it. If that was an accident then… that’s what it was, right? Still, accident or not, your heartrate had doubled since that moment, and it hasn’t ceased to stop yet.

You look over at Ghost, wondering what the man might be thinking right now. His hood has fallen off, giving you a better view of his masked-covered head. He stands there, looking off into the field bashfully. Perhaps waiting for you to speak as well. His sudden shyness is not lost upon you.

Habitually, you say to him, “I’m sorry.”

Ghost shakes his head, roughly slipping his hands into his pockets as he shuffled around a bit in his stance. “Don’t be...” he says. “You know, you say that a lot.”

“I can’t help it,” you admit.

“Why?”

You’re unsure where it comes from, but you start to speak more from your heart than from anywhere tactical. “...I just really want you to like me.”

“I fail to see how that matters,” Ghost argues.

“Can’t we be friends?”

“Wha’, like you and Johnny?”

That one catches you off guard.

Of course, he suspected something. That only explains why he had been acting so awkward and cold with you all day. More than he normally was that is. Still, knowing that he knew you and Soap had something going on didn't make that news any better to hear.

“It can be anything you want it to be,” you tell him. “There’s nothing wrong with having people in your life, Ghost.”

He almost looked irritated with your answer. But you knew where that kind of irritation stemmed from. He was as mad at himself as he wanted to be at you. Mad enough to leave in fact, as right after, the man’s turned heel and started walking away from you.

Ghost wouldn't let you in close. He wouldn't allow it. Not you, not Soap, not anyone. He saw it as doing you all a favor, really. Neither of you wouldn't want anything to do with a man like him if you knew any better. Bad things always seem to come his way, one way or another. It's best not to mix others up in that.

You watch him go, ready to let him leave. But not really wanting him to go so soon.

"Where are you going?" you ask him.

"Away,” he says. 

Away. You were beginning to see a pattern.

"You don’t have to,” you call out suddenly.

Ghost stops in his tracks, his back still facing you, and his head cocked back to look up at the night sky. You continue speaking, determined to get to the bottom of this. You might as well, before you’re out in the field and it gets in the way of things.

“I know you don’t trust me, and I don’t blame you” you say. “I also know we haven’t known each other for very long either but… I would never hurt you, Ghost. I hope you know that.”

Ghost looks to you with a doubtful gaze. "Even if it weren't your choice to make?"

You nod. "Even so."

Ghost shakes his head disappointedly, chuckling to himself even. It finally manages to urk you. “Ghost-”

“Look,” he cuts in. “Just stay away from me, alright? I can't make that same promise to you."

"Why can't you?" you press.

"Canary, I'm telling you to leave me the fuck alone if you know what's good for you,” Ghost growls out.

You don’t listen, even going as far as to take a few steps closer to him. You pause when you see him take a step back however, not wanting to further overstep his boundaries.

"If that choice was out of your hands as well,” you ask again. “Would you hurt me?"

"I' don’t want to find out…” Ghost admits.

You stand a few feet from the lieutenant, taking his words in and letting them marinate in your mind. While even now Ghost remained as guarded and closed off as he could be, what he said to you was probably the most honest thing he’s ever said to you -- That he isn’t sure what he’d do if he was forced to hurt you. If you ever gave him a reason to.

In due time, you feared that question would really be answered. You didn’t look forward to that day, should it come.

"Let's hope we don't then, lieutenant,” you say.

Ghost nods. “I will.”

Ghost turns to leave again, and this time you don’t stop him. You remain where you are, reminding yourself to not forget what brought you here.

You hadn’t wanted Ghost’s words to make you sad after hearing them, but they did. His words made you sad, because with it came fear. If Ghost or Soap were to ever hear of Shadow Company’s criminal operations with the General, it would surely be the end to any feelings you've built up over the past month. They'd probably never want you around again. And that’s if you even survived the encounter.

You're not so sure what point it was that you stopped pretending. That you kept talking and wanting to be around 141, not because it was your mission to stay close, but because you wanted to. You wanted their approval. And it upset you, just as much as it kept you going all these weeks.

But how much have you let the lines blur between yourself and work lately? Where was it that your lies ended and your true self began? It was pivotal that 141 liked you, but that hadn't been the only reason why you'd gotten so drawn in by them.

You hadn’t realized how deep into things you’d been until now, because at this point, them finding out the truth would be more than a problem. It would be a complete betrayal of their trust.

No, if you wanted to make it out of here with your life and relationships in tact, the Task Force couldn’t find out about Al Mazrah.

You couldn’t allow it.

...Chapter Twenty Here!

[jesncin]

This thing when the identity of superhero is revealed to the love interest and loved one then their reaction sometime can be really frustrating. The most well known example like invincible series as soon as reveal amber is angry while her in the comic she just glad her boyfriend is not a drug dealer

race swap her then make her someone who is tough and independent even though that not her character at all from the sources

i guarantee lois lane in MAWS and ember invincible will get a lot hate and then people starting hoping violent thing happen to them

I saw Invincible characters being brought up a lot during the MAWS!Lois discourse, and I really can't speak to that because I didn't watch the show or read the comics (Martian Manhunter isn't in it, so). I'd rather not get caught up in the details of adaptation like whether it matches the source material or not, my main concern is how it was written in the context of the media we are given.

Characters are allowed to not take a superhero's coming out well, they can be unsupportive, they can be messy, they can be mad even. It's all in service of what would make a good story. You don't have to root for a character in order for them to be compelling, you just need to understand where they're coming from. I don't like the "superhero's loved one discovers their secret identity and gets upset" trope just cuz no one cares to ask themselves why a superhero would hide their identity from their loved ones (safety? fear? etc). It lowers the emotional intelligence of every character involved and quickly becomes melodrama.

The reason MAWS!Lois wasn't received well was because her arc with Clark is terribly written and contrived. She is entitled and expected full transparency from a guy she met in 5 days. Nothing about that makes narrative sense.

I honestly couldn't care less about people hatefully projecting onto fictional characters, I'm just here to analyze and criticize the text from a literary perspective. I say this as a MAWS Lois disliker :p

[squeakygeeky]

Laws of Attraction Episode 7

This was the penultimate episode of doom of course, although I did not expect to be so amused by the lead up to the Doom. I genuinely love melodrama done right, but this show can be emotional whiplash.

We learned the truth about Tonkhao finally and it was what a lot of people including me suspected. Everytime she appears the show somehow makes me love her more and I hate it here. This time I noticed she was wearing a dinosaur print shirt.

We met the kid from the village, like I kind of expected. I'm not sure exactly what Charn was planning when he was running off like that, but if he wasn't already turned towards the light then I think a combination of actually hearing Tonkhao's voice and this interaction was the turning point.

I guess we're just skipping to the morning after and not getting a TheeTanthai kiss. Anyway good for them but why post on IG for real?? Thatthep just gets more and more hateable, but I don't have the brainspace to think too much about this couple because I am of course fixated on Charn's ex.

Where to even begin with Charn's ex. This was 100% not what I was expecting. Like, how did Charn even manage to find someone he considers crazier and weirder than himself? How did this relationship even work? I mean, I'm assuming the answer is 'fairly poorly, with a lot of arson and murder along the way.' This is a couple that made each other worse, including sartorially. I fully buy that this is a house with real handcuffs in the nightstand of every bedroom.

I love that Tinn just broke the bed. Like of course, he's a taekwondo instructor. And it's totally predictable how Charn tried to play things but I liked that Tinn didn't buy it at at all. He's always been good but not particularly stupid and Charn's facade was cracked already. Charn has something stupid and risky planned.

Anyway, next up, shirtless hot men will punch each other for contrived reasons and I guess we'll also wrap up the plot.

I love this show.

[sapphire-weapon]

Hey! No pressure to answer this (especially bc I know some people get like... weirdly intense about fictional ships lol and it's understandable if you wanna avoid any childish controversy on your blog!). Why do you prefer Leon/Ashley over Leon/Ada (if you do)? I'm just curious, because I really enjoy reading into peoples different opinions and where they come from, when they're about characters that I enjoy! :) I really like all three characters, but don't ship any of it! Lol.

But yeah, if you'd like to delve into it a little (especially because you're a long time fan!!) I'd love to hear your thoughts. :)

I mean there's no profound reason why I like Leon/Ashley. It's just the flavor of ship that I prefer. I could tell you things about it that I like, but there's no real reason behind why I like it other than I just do.

I hate Leon/Ada because Ada does not exist as a character outside of her relationship with Leon. She was tailored solely to be his melodrama. That's not interesting or compelling to me. That's contrived bullshit. And it's insulting when you consider the fact that Ada should rightfully have a much larger role in the story that's completely divorced from him, because she worked for Wesker for six (or more, probably more) fucking years. But no. She's not allowed to be on screen without Leon. We're not allowed to know who she is beyond her relationship with him.

For as long as Ada is attached to Leon, she hasn't been and won't be her own character. And I don't fuck with that.

It also adds an extra layer of melodrama onto Leon that doesn't need to exist, because he already has the only negative character arc in this series to begin with, and it's like Ada's just tacked onto the end of it in order to make his life even more miserable.

Like, if you remove Ada's involvement in Leon's life past RE2, nothing about his character needs to change in order to compensate for her loss, because the core of Leon's character is that he's trapped in a nightmare that keeps repeating over and over again. He's looked at as a weapon and treated as such by the same government that kidnapped him and held his foster daughter at gunpoint, and there's no escape and nothing changes. He's both indispensable and yet completely powerless, and all he's been doing since 1998 is run in place.

Ada adds nothing to him. She's just baggage. She's merely part of the nightmare that keeps repeating, and she's not even remotely the most important part. She's just... there.

That's not to say that there's no there there in terms of the ship. I understand their connection, and I've written huge long posts about it. I'm just saying that narratively and thematically, their relationship adds absolutely nothing to the story of Resident Evil or to either of their characters -- and, in Ada's case, it actually makes her lesser.

ETA: I'm sorry anon, I should've sat on this a bit and answered it when I was in less of a foul mood (real morale hit at work today for the whole damn place). If I haven't completely chased you off, I'd be happy to go into what about Leon/Ashley makes me happy way later tonight when I get home and can hug a cat. My littlest cat will stay on my lap even when I'm typing.

[uwandapieceofme]

Perplexing Enjoyment in "The Manchurian Candidate"

“The Manchurian Candidate” is an interesting film, to put it politely. Most of the way through, it’s wholly engrossing, if in large part because of its perplexing tonal shifts, from melodramatic to comedic to sensitive, sometimes making these jumps within the same scene. Some of the dialogue (especially Eleanor’s interactions with Johnny Iselin) is corny and contrived. At other times, it’s surprisingly modern and clever, such as the meeting of Ben (Frank Sinatra) and Eugenie (Janet Leigh) on the train, though it doesn’t quite work because everything seems to happen so quickly, and for no apparent reason— Eugenie makes quips while Ben leans against the wall, sweating, looking like he’s about to be sick, tortured by his nightmares about Raymond. 

The romance, certainly, needs very little introduction. Courtship would only bog down the plot, so it’s dealt with quickly— within minutes of meeting their respective partners, Ben and Raymond (Laurence Harvey) find themselves in love, making proposals. Unfortunately, Eugenie’s brevity, which on its own is vaguely amusing, makes no sense opposite Ben, a character who seems to be half-alive at best, sleepwalking his way through the waking world. He plays frustratingly straight in a film that seems to have no use for such things. For a moment, there’s the promise of humor in his performance, as he’s listing off subjects of all the books he’s read. This humor, however, is very quickly dispensed with to make way for… Well, nothing.

“The Manchurian Candidate” is at its best when it’s being absurd. A great film by no means, the sheer oddness of it makes a fun watch, until the last fifteen minutes or so, which become a drag, as though the writers got to that point and reluctantly trotted out a conclusion. 

As it happens, Raymond, a character who spends a fair amount of the picture just looking blank, or being softly disagreeable, is the heart of the picture, telling Ben about his love affair with Jocie (Leslie Parrish), playing drunk very amusingly (until the end, when he breaks down crying, which is not convincing in the least), and making himself quite relatable, though he says the word “lovable”, one thinks, a bit too often (in the same way Raymond’s mother and Johnny say “hon” and “babe”, as though the scriptwriters were trying to seem hip and modern by using the slang endearments). 

There are a number of likable characters in the film, even though many of them make only brief appearances. James Edwards’ scenes as Melvin, unfortunately, are pure melodrama and some of the worst in the film. Mr. Gaines (Lloyd Corrigan), on the other hand, introduced to us sitting in bed, wearing his wife’s fuzzy robe— which he defends by saying it’s the warmest thing in the house, perfect for reading in bed— was a highlight.

The opening dream sequences I found very difficult to follow. The speechifying, and the constant switch between the garden party and the meeting of delegates was a bit much, especially since it’s barely mentioned in the rest of the film. That does seem to be how the movie operates— discard a thing when it no longer moves the plot along— and confusion can occasionally lead to an engrossing picture, but in this case, the absurdity never lets up and the conclusions do little to tie things up satisfactorily.

Whatever “The Manchurian Candidate” is not, it’s a fun film, and the perplexity of it adds to that sense of enjoyment. It’s strange, and I appreciate it for that. I would certainly recommend it to others, if I won’t be running back to see it a second time.

[convenientalias]

I have so many thoughts on To Sir, With Love (the 2022 Thai drama, not the movie with Sidney Poitier lols) but I don't even know how I would begin talking about it. I think it's a really touching depiction of someone struggling with being closeted. Of course, this in the context of lakorn tropiness, melodrama, murders, etc. But what's really striking to me is how much Tian wants to be open about his sexuality and how much everyone around him opposes him. Especially the people who love him! Tian's mother literally murders people and threatens to kill herself if he doesn't keep quiet about his sexuality. His brother, who's actually supportive of him in general, still thinks he should keep the secret no matter what, even to the point that when Tian tries to come out to him--multiple times--he tells Tian not to say anything. He frames it as "you don't have to say anything", as in Tian shouldn't feel pressured or guilty about the melodrama going on around his ~mysterious secret~, but it comes down to refusing to share in the secret with Tian. Leaving Tian very isolated and very stressed.

Then there's the hilarious fact that Tian's brother actually guessed he was gay after seeing him in contrived romantic situations with this dude that weren't even that romantic? Like outside of dramaland it's not romantic for someone to cut your sleeve bc it's snagged on a wall. Or there was that time that Tian's love interest kissed him to keep him quiet and Tian's brother saw BUT IT WAS DURING AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT, with the love interest BEING THE ASSASSIN, trying to keep him quiet SO HE WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT TRYING TO KILL HIM. Tian's brother is like "hm. gay things." and it's like, yes, you're aware that you're in a drama so these are gay things, but in real life this would mean literally nothing but you're right, these are in fact signs of a courtship bc this is dramaland. what can you do.

[thekimspoblog]

My WIPs (or at least the ones I can remember)

Portal:

"Opera Beneath Aperture": Where the Geekenders version is vaudeville, mine is more pop-opera in the style of "Phantom" or "Wicked". Basically just remixing the soundtrack and adding lyrics. There will be comedy, but at the end of the day, playing the melodrama of "Portal 2" straight is just easier. (Progress 30%)

"Rat Race": An homage to the US "The Office", but one by one the characters are axed off as Aperture becomes a more and more dystopian place to work. (Progress 10%)

"Portrait of a Lady: A Romanticized Horror": Prequel character-study on Caroline, obviously. She's preppy like Kim, but being born in the 1930's she's more sexually repressed, and therefore even more of a manic-pixie-nightmare-girl. She blacks out and murders her gynecologist for malpractice in Chapter 3; yeah it's that kind of a story. Also she's pretty racist? To the extent that any person from that era running a dystopian secessionist megacorporation would have to be. (Progress 50%)

Better Call Saul:

"Sheepdog": A traumatic event causes Kim to question the nature of her own reality. We the fans love Kim... but we do not respect her. (Progress 50%)

"Slippin Kimmy": This is my SERIOUS entry for what I think should happen next in the story. Basically a lot of white-hat Heisenberging around. She stops a shooting at a Planned Parenthood in episode 2; yeah it's that kind of a story. If that's what "WYCARO" ends up being, I'll be happy. If not? Hey it's free money, Vince. I'll just leave it on the table 'til you're done being done again. (Progress 5%)

"Last Clear Chance Doctrine": In 6x05 Jimmy calls Kim to say he's going to be late; Howard wants to fight him in the ring. Kim says she'll be right over. (Progress 0%)

"Just Take the Money": Parallel "Breaking Bad" timeline, where Walt accepts Eliot's hand-out. It'll make you wish he had stuck to cooking meth. I'm probably going to include a subplot where Saul bangs Skyler cus it makes me smile. (Progress 0%)

Crossovers/Other:

Steven Universe: "Warp Congestion": Steven figures out how to remove his gem and live as a normal human for extended periods of time. And if you think this sounds like a contrivance to write Rose Quartz back into the story... it is! Pearl was supposed to hold onto the gem for the day, but as the administrative headaches of helping to keep Little Homeworld organized pile up, Rainbow Quartz starts to revert back to v 1.0. (Progress 5%)

Steven Universe: "Roughhousing": You ever have those moments with your spouse, where one minute you're joking around and everything seems fine, and then one little comment gets taken wrong and suddenly everything gets a bit ugly? Even Ruby and Sapphire have those moments. And it made for one hell of a night at Beach City Underground Wrestling. (Progress 100%... but it's in the format of a Torts practice exam. Yes really)

Barry: "A Plan for Sally": My OC, Rita, has been going around to various netflix shows and selling life-insurance and family planning policies to the love-interest characters in crime dramas. Well, Rita will call them "insurance policies"; what they really are are Faustian bargains. If you thought the ending to "Barry" was weird, rushed, or maybe even a little saccharine, Rita is why. (Progress 0%)

Midnight Mass: "The Girl Who Ate the World": Erin Greene wakes up lying in the grass to find herself - not just alive - but sparkling in the sun like a million little diamonds. It's a miracle! Second only to the bad-miracle of news that the Angel survived and is transforming people in the Portland subway system as we speak. Rita is in this one too. (Progress 50%)

"Crack Fic: Torts and Torts": Kim Wexler, Dolores Abernathy, and Love Quinn attend a mobwives convention in Napoli. After a few drinks, Kim and Love get into a tense conversation about dead brothers, and more specifically when/how a spouse is at-fault for the death of a brother-in-law. Kim forgets the argument after she sobers up, but Dolores warns her to watch her back. Sure enough, Love attacks Kim with a katana and they must battle it out as frenemies. (Progress 2%)

"300 Million Cowboys": I re-write Better Call Saul as a pulpy beach-read about vampires. With enough changes to the plot that it can be legally sold on Kindle. Kim is now named Jean Troy. Jimmy is now named Sammy McCormick. Mike and Chuck have been merged into one character. Kevin and Howard have been merged into one character. (Progress 2%)

[lesser-mook]

Saw this back when it dropped, never finished an Anime movie so pissed that 2 hours were spend on what should’ve  been 30min. 

The movie overall could've been a cute short film, without the time skip and unnecessary side characters. Just self indulgence on full display.

And funny how I (a detractor) am talking about the film, thus bringing back into minor 5sec of relevance, when people who liked the film, (so far as I’ve seen) forgot it even existed. 

When pure raw emotion/ hype is your reason for liking something- when the emotions & hype fade, that’s the hill what you liked dies on.

Hype & emotions do not last forever. Same goes for relationships.

Anyways, 

 The bullying aspect was executed “OK”, very mean stuff.

Though the entire thing was just a huge play on your emotions. Rarely have any female designs that stray from the “stock cute girl design”, no pronounced nose, heavy set, burns that don’t look like tattoos, overbite, sloped eyes, nope just 24/7 the cutest possible iteration. Because how could you feel empathy for someone that isn’t appealing to your Darwinian biases.

Typical presentation, the "insert your tears here" moments were cringeworthy (because you can tell they really, REALLY want you to feel something), didn’t work for me. Worst parts of the movie because it’s so extra and over the top.

Neon Genesis Evangelion had hard to watch scenes because in context they were supposed to be actual larger than life problems. But they were not this pedantic.

Same with that stair climax scene in Garden of Words, with the crying, and leaping on him & shit, the music swell, all over a misunderstanding. Just melodrama stupidity.

You’d think a mother fucker died or something.

This is what most Anime movies are, just unintentional Rom-coms taking themselves too goddamn seriously.

Cause the easiest road to 5 stars from Otaku’s is make a mf cry, that’s all it takes.

The voice acting was good, from all the cast. (SUB)

 The titular couple had little in common as people, let alone a would be couple,  she was a blank slate of nauseating innocence, but she was cute.

He remembered her & kept hounding her out of curiosity, guilt, intrigue and because he’s tall & endearing and she’s short & cute- we’re supposed to want him to succeed in re-entering her life.

Pure superficial aesthetic.

If she had a temper or something, an ugly laugh, sore loser, something/ anything resembling a flawed human being, that would be better. Hell if she went through a transformation and became like a UFC badass, that shit would be fucking badass,  and funny given she was bullied so that's how she'd cope. 

The joke would be you'd expect exactly what you got in the movie, someone whose ripe for romantic crap, but she ends up being the exact opposite, because why not.

But you see, this only works if she’s frail, “cute cute cute” and vulnerable 24/7- ya know the Japanese’ peak standard for a domestic infantile pet, Errr i mean a “WAIFU” guys, my bad. Got the two mixed up...

Otherwise how could the movie possibly end without some kind of contrived romance thread that realistically shouldn’t exist.

And all that time she & has no partner?

If they had any balls they’d made her like girls, instead of some side characters being subtly lesbian, so bold guys, very brave. 

So him getting with her is an impossibility and him making amends can be genuine in isolation outside romantic motivations, thus removed from the fact that he’s obviously guaranteed her hand after the bullshit drama is done. Because that’s the agenda of the events, not actual redemption.

Predictable.

 Him grown up, he was more vulnerable & apologetic due to him being bullied to balance out her innocent nature and that alone was enough to get them to develop feelings. Zero chemistry, just well drawn/animated/colored scenes of being in the same vicinity and being wholesome.

Wholesome isn’t chemistry, that’s the problem with Deku and Ochako, & it took me a while to figure that out cause it’s easy to think just being cute means that’s a recipe for success. 

 And because he became a victim of bullying like she was, another indicator that we’re supposed to  want them together. Despite the fact that he deserved that shit, she didn’t. 

You don’t get rewarded for suffering consequences of your own actions.  Stock syndrome is cute because the girl is cute, the movie.

Could've been better but could've been worse. never watched it again, but unfortunately the good animation burned it’s existence into my mind.

It was a nice/ “sweet” film for what it was. 

Overly drawn out, melodramatic; The entire story could've been wrapped up as a more concise short film. Under an hour.

Just watch Spirited Away, Mirai, “Flavors of Youth”

or the underrated Dareka no Manazashi (A good short film people forgot existed because it’s not highschool Tween melodrama bait)

Gets the point across without holding you hostage for 2 hours.

[onewomancitadel]

I think most importantly it is not merely that symbolic is some clever in-reference or some higher contrivance for some material narrative event happening; what is powerful about symbolism is symbolism invoking a shared language, not at the expense of somebody not in the symbolic 'know' (and this is where it would get Jungian, in the sense that there is collective symbolism). This is true more broadly of allusion and influence. More importantly I do not think symbolism or allusion or influence can or should overwhelm the text itself.

Which is not actually ironic coming from me because (as always) I think this is the key to understanding R/WBY or indeed any other property. Often I see this very common error of superseding the text with secondary influence when it's clear that's present. But despite, well really because of, Campbell and Jung and the like, you see that in the end all of this stuff is in service to the narrative, not the other way around.

This links back to the love triangle symbolism of THG I was just discussing: it doesn't matter what its symbolism is supposed to imply (love interest stand-ins for symbolic concepts) if Katniss is materially experiencing a love triangle. It doesn't elevate the idea because the love triangle is farcical melodrama. Which is ironic, because the melodrama of the staged relationship actually works in the context of the Capitol. The fact that a staged relationship actually covers something spiritually and emotionally 'true' which endures despite all assault on its truth is where the actual powerful symbolic work is being done.

And I think symbolic influence should be rewarding, but it should not be missing out on a true understanding of the story without it. I know it's a fine difference, and may not actually be all that meaningful to people, but I think this is where the criticism of symbolism (it's high faluting/reading into stuff) can be addressed, especially if it's just something which can feel downright pretentious.

[gaykarstaagforever]

I only watched this because I saw this promo on Max:

And I couldn't figure out what the hell the title of the movie was.

XWN? ICIN?

I don't know what the hell Max did to fuck up the colors on this, but this is what the French poster looks like

I can read that.

It's called, KIN, from 2018. And it's whatever.

A kid finds an alien space gun in an abandoned building, and shenanigans ensue. ...Except this isn't a 1980s movie or a comedy, so no one is having any fun with this.

Except James Franco (yuk), who decided that the Detroit gangster antagonist he is playing is the Toe Cutter from Mad Max, and none of these first-time filmmakers told him to please stop. The rest of the movie is desperately trying to be a serious melodrama about brotherhood - when the space gun isn't eating up the budget for only 10 out of the 90+ minutes - but then James Franco shows up in a leather jacket with his army of fanatically-loyal vikings and starts blowing up a police station. And I know that sounds fun, but it absolutely isn't.

The gun and the aliens who are trying to retrieve it are legally distinct from Mass Effect aliens and guns, because while Mass Effect uses blue and orange, KIN uses aquamarine and red! Also, they do actually explain why the aliens and gun were in that abandoned warehouse in the first place, but the explanation is meh, and sequel-baits. And this is NOT getting a sequel.

The guy who wrote the screenplay is my age, and apparently this is his first one? Or first professional one, after he did some Sundance movie. After this they let him write Fast and the Furious 9. He is 42, and he writes like a 25 year old who really likes RoboCop, but doesn't understand why he likes RoboCop. That's mean, but this guy is my age, and no one my age should ever be putting the line "Even when you're by yourself, you're never alone," in a movie, unless that movie is about Kevin Sorbo bothering people about Jesus. Because in that case, who gives a shit, right? Certainly not Kevin Sorbo.

...I'm getting distracted. Why am I even posting this? I will forget about this movie in 2 days, like Dennis Quaid certainly did, after sleepily muttering through about half of it, until he gets shot (not by the space gun, unfortunately).

Zoe Kravitz is in this too. She's good playing a stripper with a heart of gold, but uuuuuuugh, come on, 42 year old guy who wrote this. Your movie should never have a stripper with a heart of gold in it, unless it stars Kevin Sorbo as a missionary, who...

Stop. It is well-shot and well-directed, for what it is. The special effects are really good, the few there are. Even the ones for things that were kind of unnecessary, so we get some spectacular "why did they bother with that" scenes instead of more scenes of the space gun shooting people. And this movie REALLY needed more space gun.

There are moments where they contrive it so that the space gun gets taken away, and you know it will be replaced by another half-hour of bad dialogue, rehashing the same unengaging boiler-plate "family is important, dawg," crap that we've already been through several times by now. It gets pretty infuriating. I became Milhouse, crying for the damn fireworks factory.

I was constantly reminded of the 2011 movie Attack the Block, which is weird, because I've never seen that. But I hear it is better and is also about aliens and blighted urban landscapes? I don't know. Maybe Kevin Sorbo is in it.