#but i didn't have the brain power to write that

[l0stfoster]

Handing you guys an entire canvas of just Cursed Paul bc he hasn’t left my brain.

As usual, some little doodle content stuff teehee

- We retconned it so that the socs only stopped attacking Paul because Soda’s terrifying ass showed up. Umbra (Paul’s familiar) ran home looking for Darry and found Soda. He's her favorite of the gang so she's like 'good enough' and starts SCREAMING at the dude to get him to follow her. - The socs didn't know if Paul's power was physical or if he could use his voice like Soda so they choked him </3. They would've killed him in the process if Soda didn't show up. Imagine being in this dark ass alley busy jumping a guy and then you're faced with a fae who has this low-ass growl, with glowing eyes and fangs. Not to mention this looming shadow of a cat the size of a Caracal growling at you too. I'd be scared - Soda bursts their eardrums as he should (new power we decided on teehee. Supersonic whistle type shit, can break glass) - Some Parry bc Paul may be beat shitless but he's still Darry's pretty boy <3 - They can't get married but they have wedding rings. Paul's is a little one made of vines w/ a pretty little flower bc Darry couldn't afford a real one yet. Pony made it actin' like he didn't want to but made it literally gorgeous and one of a kind. Darry's is an actual ring because Paul saved up for that bitch for ages. Darry had an aneurysm when he saw it bc that bitch had an authentic diamond on it, Paul will not tell him how much it was. - Dally is the only one allowed to beat up Paul and will be very loud about it. Local New Yorker haphazardly slams fist over the head of this witch dude who probably has a concussion more at 5 - This isn't in the doodles here but I'm saying it as a fun sneak peek at some future art/writing for those who read this; Paul's magic is tied to his life force he will die if he ever loses his curse,, also blood rituals are dangerous <3. - If he's too frantic, Paul's magic can falter. Not very good when you're being jumped by a fuck ton of your old friends. - Paul is THE fucking cat dad ever. Umbra is his baby he birthed her /silly. She can do no wrong and he's her #1 defender.

I'm so sorry to the people who don't care for this au I'm insane rn.

On another note, that Greaser Design Lineup should be out soon!! Waiting for my Art Block to go away before I start the proper Justice For Tulsa frames bc they're more complex than quick little doodles!!

[lilacwants]

I absolutely love they way you write Homelander!!! He's got me in a vice grip 😭😭😭

The brain rot is so real

I wanted to request something, you might have already done it but it dosnt hurt to ask right?

*cough cough* sky sex? Like Homelander and the reader fucking over the skyline... much like the end of season 2 except he's not alone this time?

Annnnndddd maybe the reader is terrified of heights?

Who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️

I hope this was an okay request!!! I love your work and I hope everything is going well for you 🫂

the sky is ours.

notes: hello guys! im finally back :) i know the wait was loooong and i apologise about that :’( i’ll start by responding to my asks because they’re really getting me in my writing mood. warnings: mature content. minors do not engage.

The cold night air rushed past your face, stealing your breath as you soared high above the city's skyline. Your arms were wrapped tightly around Homelander's neck, your body pressed against his as he carried you through the air like you were nothing but a feather. The world below was a blur of lights and buildings, tiny and insignificant from this height, while the sky stretched out endlessly around you.

Despite the exhilarating sensation of being weightless, your heart pounded in your chest for an entirely different reason. You weren't one for heights. In fact, you hated them.

Every instinct in your body screamed at you to hold on tighter, to demand to be put back down on solid ground, but the thought of doing so seemed impossible with Homelander's arms cradling you with such ease. His power was palpable, and even though you knew he could kill you with a single motion, there was a strange sense of comfort in his grasp.

"You okay up here?" His voice was smooth, low, and teasing, but his eyes flicked toward you with a glimmer of something genuine.

The deep blue of his eyes seemed to glow against the night, and you had to force yourself to look away.

"I'm fine," you managed to say, your voice shaky, despite your attempt to sound calm.

You didn't want him to know just how terrifying this was for you, but it was impossible to hide the tremor in your voice.

A slow, knowing smile spread across his face, his lips curling at the edges as if he could sense your fear. "You sure about that, sweetheart? You're shaking like a leaf."

You tightened your grip around his neck, digging your nails into his cape, feeling the way the fabric stretched beneath your fingers. "I said I'm fine," you repeated, more forcefully this time, though you weren't sure who you were trying to convince-him or yourself.

Homelander let out a low chuckle, his chest vibrating with amusement. "I know you're scared. I can hear your heartbeat," he whispered, his lips brushing against your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. "But don't worry. I've got you."

His words were meant to be comforting, but the way he said them, with that dark, seductive edge, only made you more aware of how dangerous he was. It wasn't just his power that terrified you; it was the way he made you feel. Being with him was like standing on the edge of a cliff, teetering between fear and desire, unsure of which way you were going to fall.

"You... You're not going to drop me, right?" The question came out before you could stop it, the fear lacing your voice more obvious than ever.

He grinned, his eyes gleaming with amusement as he adjusted his grip on you, his hands sliding down to your waist, holding you tighter against him. "Drop you? Now, why would I do that?" His voice was thick with teasing, but there was an undertone of seriousness that sent a chill through you.

The truth was, he could drop you. He could let you fall to your death right now, and no one would stop him. But you knew he wouldn't-at least, not tonight. Tonight, his mood was playful, almost tender, in his own twisted way. There was something possessive in the way he held you, something that made you feel like, at this moment, he didn't want to let you go.

"Relax, sweetheart. Enjoy the view," he said, his voice dropping to a softer, almost intimate tone as he flew higher, the city shrinking below you. "Not everyone gets to see the world like this."

Your stomach churned as you glanced down at the sea of lights far beneath your feet, the skyscrapers looking like toys from this height. You could feel the wind whipping through your hair, the cold biting at your skin, but the overwhelming sensation was the dizzying fear of falling, of plummeting into the void below.

"I... I can't," you whispered, squeezing your eyes shut to block out the terrifying sight. "I hate heights, Homelander. Please, can we go down?"

He hummed thoughtfully, his fingers tracing slow circles on your waist as if he were considering it. "Hmm, I don't know..." he drawled, his voice laced with amusement. "I kind of like you like this. All vulnerable. All mine."

His words sent a jolt of electricity through you, awakening a heat deep inside that contrasted with the icy fear coursing through your veins. Despite everything-despite how terrifying this was, despite the fact that he could drop you at any moment, you were drawn to him, irresistibly so.

"I thought you were stronger than this," he taunted, his breath hot against your neck.

"You can't really be that scared, can you?"

You swallowed hard, your heart pounding so loudly in your ears you were sure he could hear it. "I'm not scared," you lied, your voice barely above a whisper. "I just... I don't like it."

"Oh, I think you like it more than you're willing to admit," he said, his voice dropping even lower, more predatory, as his lips grazed the sensitive skin of your neck. "The fear... the thrill. It's exciting, isn't it?"

A soft gasp escaped your lips as his mouth trailed down your throat, his tongue flicking against your skin, and despite yourself, despite the fear, you couldn't help the way your body reacted to him. Your pulse quickened, but this time it wasn't just from the terror-it was from the undeniable desire that had been building between the two of you for so long.

He chuckled, clearly aware of the effect he was having on you. "That's it," he whispered, his hand sliding up your back, fingers tangling in your hair as he pulled your head back, exposing more of your neck to his hungry mouth. "You can't deny it. You want this."

Your mind was spinning, the fear of heights warring with the intoxicating heat of his touch. You hated that he was right. You hated that despite everything, despite how dangerous and terrifying he was, you wanted him more than you had ever wanted anything in your life.

"Homelander.." you breathed, your voice trembling as his hands roamed over your body, his touch firm and possessive. You could feel the raw power beneath his fingertips, the control he had over you, and it made your heart race even faster.

"I could take you right here, right now," he murmured against your skin, his voice dark and full of promise. "High above the world... where no one else can reach us."

Your breath caught in your throat at his words, the imagery sending a rush of adrenaline through your veins. The idea was terrifying, exhilarating, and utterly intoxicating all at once.

He moved his face back to yours, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that took your breath away. It was rough, demanding, and full of an intensity that only Homelander could bring. His hands tightened around your waist, pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding against yours in a way that made your whole body ache with need.

Your fear melted away, replaced by the overwhelming desire coursing through your veins. You were his, completely and utterly, and in this moment, high above the world, it didn't matter that you were terrified of heights. All that mattered was him-the way he made you feel, the way his power wrapped around you like a cocoon, keeping you safe and dangerous all at once.

The tension between you both snapped like a taut wire, and in one swift, dizzying motion, Homelander had you pinned against him, hovering impossibly high above the shimmering city.

The cold air bit at your skin, but his body was a furnace, burning with heat and power as his hands roamed over you, pulling you closer.

His mouth crashed against yours, a demanding, hungry kiss that left you breathless, and before you could even comprehend the danger of the height, your body was responding to him with equal fervor. His hands gripped your thighs, pulling you around his waist, his strength holding you effortlessly as he pressed into you with a low, possessive growl.

The sensation of him inside you was overwhelming, heightened by the adrenaline of being so far from solid ground, and all you could do was cling to him as he thrust into you, each movement sending shockwaves through your body.

The world around you disappeared, the city below forgotten, as the only thing that existed was him-his strength, his control, the way he dominated you completely.

Your cries were swallowed by the wind, mixing with his low, primal groans as he moved faster, his grip on you tightening with each rough, relentless thrust. The fear of falling faded into the background, replaced by the raw, intoxicating pleasure that surged between you both, as if you were defying gravity itself, suspended in the sky, lost in the intensity of the moment.

And as his hands roamed over your body, his breath hot against your skin, you realized that maybe-just maybe-the sky was where you belonged after all.

[5five5five5five5five5five]

Pls headcanons of a flirty dolores [human] and five .

Trying to forget "that season".

Denial stage activated.

Pls and thank you.

Good day/night.

OOOHH YES! but first i want to write a human Dolores of my own then we can get to the flirty stuff. * she is in her mid 30's and works as a librarian who LOVES books and is very smart and pretty and perfect.

she is MADDENINGLY in love with the Noir detective novel series " Five "max" Hargreeves and the Umbrella of Time. a long running series about a Old man who turns into a young man some times and solves crime with his dog Mr. pennycrumb. * she hated that when they turned the books into movies, they hired a actor that looked NOTHING like how she sees him in her head. Five looks like how she sees him in her head. she cant pinpoint why it bugs her so much. its just wrong. thats not him??? * one day well sorting books, she no clips into the backroom subways and gets stuck. idk how. s4 logic aka make shit up. but she thinks "what would Five do?" and copy his mapping and travel style. * and then they meet......Jesus my kinnie ass heart melts even thinking about it lol. * "five?!" "Delores?!.....are you..real this time....." "wait how do you know my name??....and yes i am very much real? are YOU?" "how do you know MY name?? and yes??" then they nervously chuckle and tell each other how they know each other. * they get a bit sad that the others Delores and five were not real and five admits he got the better end of the stick by being a cool book character....she didn't deserve to be just a......mannequin. but Delores reassures him that his life needed her and that's what gave it so much value. "and at least you got to physically hold me~ i just had....really embaressing art of you...." *Delores drawing him then she thinks he's not looking. she wishes he was a bit older but her self shipping ass is used to his age "powers" but knows this Five cant turn back. at least he's not 13 Five lol. *he's tried to explain his age situation a few times.... shes so understanding about it and five, for the first time, feels seen....and got does his face get red. she knows he's a old man. she loves him BECAUSE he's actually an old man. ANYWAY TO THE FLIRTY STUFF. MY BRAIN IS JUST ON FIRE WITH HUMAN DELORES. * they CAN NOT stop looking at each other. five feels so stupid being THIS flustered. its not his wife. he knows this. but god....shes so stunning. younger then his Delores but he doesn't mind. * she's taller then him no matter what. she was taller then him when he was old, young doesn't matter. shes a tall women and he loves that about her. *her always behind his shoulder correcting his math. and him huffing and admitting shes right. *she likes to head to him. he likes listening. hearing her voice with none of his own voice fused in is so refreshing. he would read his head in her lap and just relax for once in his life. *them slow dancing and mumbling soft words of comfort to each other. *she loves booping his nose. at first, it bits him because the handler used to but ends up finding it nice. its a trait she would have. *he loves watching her move. dance. walk. talk. shes in front of him. again, their eyes are glued to each other and its hard hard not to. just knowing their loves are real keeps them going. *that art meme of all the lovestruck chibis surrounding a very flustered person. that's Delores if she walked into the deli. imagine all the fives looking over and melting in surprise. crumbling in their seats because they are filled with "i miss my wife,tails" energy. the five we are following for this post has to fight them back and give protective glares well she admits the attention is nice and oh god! so many fives! *when five finds a way to return, he doesn't fucking hide it and want to introduce her to his family so bad. she is worried about ending up in a different timeline. he understands the risk but at this point, he just wants the love of his life. and Shes so starved for adventure that she agrees wholeheartedly.

sorry if this wasn't all flirty themed stuff, i just really wanted to write Delores.

[jev-urisk]

A Musing Monday 🎐

Today I'm musing about extradimensional spaces! Like Mary Poppin's bag, or 'eatery that connects to an isekai' anime, or your mind, even.

I do think the mind is a type of extradimensional space. We fit the essence of so many places and moments and people into the folds of our memory, contained in the little box that is our skulls. We imagine worlds, we dream entirely separate lifetimes. It's wild, and amazing, and a little terrifying.

Occasionally I think about how the entire world around me is MY world- in that my only access to reality is through my own interpretations, experiences, and the senses that link to my brain, all of which may or may not be close to the truth of reality. When I die one day, my world dies too- not one creature on earth will live in the same world that I knew due to my relationship with everything perceivable to me.

Before I get TOO existential here though (or maybe I'm getting more existential)- think of what that means for writers! We are masons crafting gateways to extradimensional spaces. Through what we do, people can visit the pocket dimensions of OUR minds, dimensions that have the possibility to continue existing long after the mind/wold that created it expires. And because everyone perceives things through their own lens, writing one story and sharing it creates the potential for countless alternate dimensions; every soul that reads your work will carry their own personal version of it in their mind. If you have a hit count or something similar on your work, THAT'S how many dimensions you've created, at least.

Not only that, but when someone reads what you've written, THEIR world alters. It may be slight, your work or your post might provide a momentary reprieve from the part of their world they're avoiding or decompressing from (which is still a very important thing), or it may give them an idea of their own, it may motivate them to make one choice over another choice, it may alter the very way they think and interact with their family, their partners, themselves. You very well may alter the fabric of what a person is, the dimension of their mind warping with the way it interacts with your dimension.

Never forget that as a writer, or any creator of art for that matter, you are a world-builder, a world-shatterer, a world-repairer; a powerful and magical being that may alter the course of history. Writing is magic, and it's sorcery, and I desperately hope even the small unconfident blogs on here recognize that power.

Tagging a bunch of cool writers: @cowboybrunch @the-golden-comet @lychhiker-writes @wyked-ao3 @rotting-moon-writes

@saturnine-saturneight @asablehart @tragedycoded @autism-purgatory @marlowethelibrarian

If I didn't tag you you're still super cool! The world of my brain is just made of swiss cheese and glitches a lot 🫠💕

@dragoninatrenchcoat @words-after-midnight @sableglass @gioiaalbanoart @illarian-rambling

@badscientist @officialauthorofanotherworld

[insom-nom-nom-niatic]

Female reader x Troy Otto after he "died" the reader was the one who stabbed him after he got to grabby you her she stabs with his knife and ran off she the only doctor so she valuable to the group he would also like his knife back. Maybe after a couple month he finds her and I would like some choking but anything would good

SORRY IT TOOK FOREVER!!! I hope you enjoy it.

CHARACTERS: Troy Otto X Fem Reader (third person for some reason cause that's what happened)

WARNINGS: It's made for FTWD so you should know the basics. +SMUT (read at your own risk. I'm nobody's mom) +Choking +Somewhat past possible attempt at r**e but he didn't didn't and he'd have stopped.

“Turns out being stabbed a second time hurts more than the first.”

“Good. I meant for it to hurt.” Her voice cut through the air like his knife did as it cut through his muscle. Her features showed no sign of surrender or fear, only sincerity in her words as the torch flame flickered their shadows on the cement walls. 

Troy raised both hands in surrender, his eyes glancing down to the same knife once stained with his own blood and back into her eyes. His shoulders tensed under his black jacket as her knuckles faded to a paler color gripping the handle of the sharp blade tighter. She had no reason to trust Troy after the last meeting the two had, yet, looking at the man out of his element and with no one around to make him feel taller than he already was, there was a certain chord he hit somewhere in her stomach. She didn’t feel that she was in danger, rather and oddly the opposite.

“Maybe it hurt a bit more because of who it came from.” He stood still as a tree, looking back to the woman through his eyelashes subconsciously. He was here on a mission to bring her back, but seeing her now and the life she’s had since that day months ago made a pit in his stomach open and swallow his heart whole. 

It had been 6 months give or take since she fled. Fled into the cold, rainy night unsure of what terrors where beyond the small compound. But she had to go, at least that’s what her body told her to do in the moment, there was no turning back. It took about a month for her to miss what she had. A roof over head, food and water, and most of al the protection that one Mister Otto provided. 

Ever since day 1 of finding the group, back when there was only a few of them, she could always feel something different with Troy than with any of the other men or women. He looked at her different. Talked to her different. He acted, well, gentler with her than anyone else even as the group grew to more than a few dozen. He told her on multiple occasions how they all needed her… how he needed her. 

He said that same thing the night everything changed. 

“You didn’t listen and forced my hand, Troy. Do you think I like starving out here on my own? I couldn’t come back and deal with any possibilities of YOU.” 

Ouch. Troy felt her words like a punch in the jugular. His eyes couldn’t hide the wince of pain he felt as his blue and white orbs fell to the ground at her boots astrown with holes. He thought back to that night, a night that has haunted him since. The look in her eyes when he felt the searing heat of his own blade slicing his flesh open. The apprehension that was once in her eyes now flickered with rage as she looked directly into his one good eye, pulling the blade back with force and bolting out the door, leaving his howls of pain and his own anger behind her. 

She left him alone. A nightmare he had only ever shared with her. 

“I know,” Troy’s entire expression fell like the edges of his lips. Her grip on the blade loosened as he continued. 

“I have regretted that night since, regretted what I tried to do and-” his eyes caught ahold of hers, both stomachs dropping at the same time before he continued. “-not listening to you. All those times that I told you that the group needed you, I wasn’t lying. They need you more than they need me so if that’s what it takes then-” 

“You’re going to leave for me to come back?” She cut Troy off mid sentence, shocking them both. The grin pulling at the ends of his lips to her question secured the answer both knew, but Troy was honestly questioning if he would do as he said for her. 

“Is that really what you want, darling?”

“No, no, no, no. Don’t you call me that, Troy.”  His voice changed back to the Troy she knew, the Troy that made her so irritated and yet welcomed and needed. His little pet name she only ever heard him reserve for her. She hated how much she loved it, but now was not the time for his little mind games. 

“Look-” Troy lowered his hands, resting both comfortably on his hips with his head rolling back in a stretch before meeting her gaze again. “-I know where you’re at now so the option is to come back with me willingly now or I’ll carry you kicking and screaming and the walkers can pick us both off together then leaving the group without a doctor or a leader.” 

The look he gave was unfaultering even through his bluff. She knew Troy wouldn’t force her to accompany him if she didn’t want to, and looking around the small cement room she didn’t have many reasons to NOT want to go back. But she knew if she didn’t go now, he’d end up sending a large enough group to her coordinates that she’d have to leave. It was a decision of eating roadkill for another week or not, and the growing smirk on the brunette's face solidified the answer. 

“You’re not getting your knife back.” 

“Oh c’mon!” She returned the smirk, sliding the sharp, freezing blade into the back of her jeans whilst kicking dirt on the smoldering fire, dimming the light in the room to the single lantern behind the tall brunette. 

A pit in her stomach arose, looking back at the small dug out she called home for the last few months before carrying on behind the footsteps of Troy Otto.

Her nuisance.

Her monster.

Her torment.

Her protector.

And possibly, her savior.  

As night ran into day, both she and Troy’s speed wavered. His footsteps lagged with each step whilst her hands pulled her weight forward tree after tree, both too stubborn to say it was time for a rest. 

Suddenly, a low growl came from the ditch 5 feet from their left. One growl turned into 5 moans, turned into 10 grunts and so on. Both stopped in their steps, hearing the rumbling below the dirt embankment grow with each step they took. 

Sharing a glance, She pushed Troy’s shoulder towards the sound, egging him to go see what they are facing. 

Begrudgingly, Troy cautiously snuck to the edge of the embankment, peering over for a heartbeat or two before a few large footsteps brought him back to her. His hands resting on her upper arms, somehow soothing, while his eye searched the surroundings opposite from the sounds. 

“C’mon, this way,” Troy whispered into her ear before pulling one hand along behind his back. She didn’t pull away, didn’t even notice what he’d done until the cold recaptured her skin moments later. 

As the sun set on another night somehow still breathing, she watched as Troy set traps surrounding the small camp you both had made within only a few good minutes. He swore he would stay awake throughout the night, keeping watch, and yet he paced the perimeter around the small camp fire you’d made, placing leaves and anything that would alert to movement around. 

As he finally sat opposite of her, she couldn’t helo the smile that arose her lips. 

“What?” Troy asked, his cheeks heating from within. That look, the look he’d only ever felt from her made his stomach ache with a hunger he’d only felt a handful of times. He rose to his feet once more, turning to hide the flush he knew she’d be able to see on his skin. 

“Oh c’mon, Troy. Don’t be like that!” Her tone changed to playful and open, like she once was with  him. Glancing down at her shivering fingers, the realization set in. She hadn’t felt this way, hadn’t sounded like that, since she’d been in his company. And even then, it was only ever in HIS company. 

“Come sit. Please?” 

A large breath left Troy’s chest, battling his own heart and mind was something he was used to but having her here again made his whole body numb. He finally obliged, turning on a heel and padding his large footsteps ever softly on the dirt towards her. Looking around one more time for any signs of the deead, or worst any living, before taking a seat beside her. His nose once again thanking him for the fire light in the dense cold. 

“You saved my ass back there,” Her words were soft, sincere. “So thank you, I guess. If it was just me again I probably would have been toast.” 

“You would have been fine, I’m sure.” Troy played with the scar on the back of his left palm. His right thumb digging into the rough scales of skin, the heat she gave off next to him nearly matched that of the fires. It felt good, warm. Yet, he the uneasy feeling was unwavering. 

“You‘ve known that all this-” she gestured to their surroundings. “-This was never MY strong suit. I patch up the people that are good at this kind of thing. People like YOU.” 

She earned a chuckle from the brunette, his shoulders shaking slightly bringing his eyes back up to meet the fires dancing flames. 

“I suppose you always did do a pretty decent job at fixing me up.”

“DECENT?! Oh, I did a whole hell of a lot better than decent with the stitches in your bicep, or your calf, or your left, and don’t forget about the right pec. I bet you can’t even tell you ever were wounded.” 

“You didn’t do a very good job on my thigh-” Troy stopped after that one word. He shouldn’t have said it, he shouldn't have brought it up. Dead silence fell between the two, not even the crickets had the guts to make a sound. 

“I made sure to not hit your femoral vein if that’s any consolation.” Her voice was that of a mouse. So quiet that Troy wasn’t sure if he had merely imagined it. Until he glanced slowly in her direction, catching that look of shame she had only shown once or twice, making his frown shift. 

He wanted to give her a side eye, cautionary and intense, but he had decided to sit on her right which meant his side eye had to be a full look over for his good eye to catch the way she sucked in air through gritted teeth.

Smooth Troy, very smooth. 

He felt her weight shift a tad, looking over to see her body in a full shiver before trying to hide it again. He rolled his jacket off his broad shoulders, catching the back and draping the hefty coat around her. The look she gave him didn’t need words, as he gave a half smile and turned back towards the glowing flames. 

What seemed like hours had passed in silence, comfortable silence, before Troy felt her weight lean into his side. His head swiveled in her direction, his breath caught in his throat when he felt the closeness of their faces in the dimming light. 

She didn’t turn away this time when he gave into his impulse. His flesh melting with her own. He never fully understood how humans had the ability to somehow find their partner’s lips in the dark until that moment when everything seemed to click. 

Neither one was expecting this, rather the opposite. She was expecting to not live to see their group again and he’d figured she was going to end him with his own knife one night in his sleep. But as life has it, something in their fate changed. 

Feeling his warmth only inches from her, she caved. Pressing her weight into him in a full kiss, her eyes drifting closed taking in his lips, his scent, his touch. Both grasping for skin as they weaved their lips together, his tongue nudging at her bottom lip while his hands roamed her body.. 

A sudden pressure was released from her waste band. Cool air drifting over exposed skin as Troy’s lips curved against the pulse of her neck. His chest wavered with a deep chuckle as his head fell backwards with a toothy grin in a croak of laughter. 

“This is mine now,” Troy waved his knife in the air above the two, like a child finally getting back their favorite toy. “Well... again.”

Sitting back on her elbows, the woman shook her head slowly, unable to help the grin growing on her features. He was such a literal pain in the ass but when he was like this, when he wasn’t so serious and did that little giggle of his she couldn’t help but fall further down his rabbit hole. 

His eye caught hers again, shadows flickering in the movement of the flames at their feet as he curled one arm around her torso moving to hover over her form without ant loss of eye contact. He was afraid he’d see that fear in her irises again like the last time they were this close, but he caught submission, adoration, maybe some excitement instead. 

His body moved against hers, clothing against disheveled clothing causing friction against both their skin. She was sure he could feel the heat radiating through her body where his hips rolled against hers. His sweet moan filling her senses as his eye bore down on her. His eye grew dark, lustful, wanting more than just the friction of clothing. He wanted to warm her up in the cool dark night in more ways than just this. 

The small bite of her lip and a nod gave him all the leeway he needed. Not a second passed before his lips were suctioned back onto hers. His tongue forced its way through partially opened lips as his fingertips did the same to her waistband. She was in such a flurry she didn’t even realize where his hand had disappeared to until his lips traveled to her ear, whispering how wet she had become before a wave of heat ran up her spine, arching her back against his touch as his cold hand palmed her most sensitive bundle of nerves. 

Choking on air, she breathed deeply into the skin exposed on Troy’s neck above her. Her fingernails gripped the jean jacket covering his shoulders as he nipped little bites down her neck and onto her chest. His movements faltered as he glanced up, catching sight of the woman clenching her eyes closed, teeth gritted on her bottom lip sure to cause blood. Something about that aroused Troy further, quickening his hand free from her jeans and making short work at removing the slightly damp piece of clothing. 

Staring down at her form, Troy felt his member twitch, longing to be free from it’s confines. She wore a simple pair of blue panties that caressed her just right, barely covering her modesty from what he could see in the dimming fire light. Her thighs twitched under his gaze, her meat looking as delicious as the shy giggle that escaped her swollen lips. 

His gaze shifted up her body, taking note of every cut and bruise that covered it before locking gaze with her again. Her eyes had darkened as his did as he shrugged his light jacket off, throwing it towards a tree to their left. His white T-shirt following suit. 

From where she lay, she could see the bulge in Troy’s pants shiver with every movement she made beneath him. Her foot nudged his ass whilst he removed his shirt earning a throaty groan from the brunette between her legs. She scanned his body in the shadows, her gaze stopping on the last wound she cured. A large scar on his abdomen still ever present as a wave of his cries of pain fled like a stream through her ears. 

Troy saw the way her eyes changed, knowing she was occupied elsewhere in that pretty little mind. Clearing his throat, he regained her attention only to give her a little show taking off his jeans. He forgot she hadn’t seen the scar she herself gave him until the moment her eyes once again fell. Her fingers reached out, pulling her to sit in front of him as she ghosted her fingertips over the scaled skin. 

She sure did a good job leaving her mark. 

Troy gave her a moment, but no longer than that before his fingertips caressed her chin. His callouses rubbed her soft, cold skin raising her attention to look him in the eye. The smirk she was met with sent another shiver down her spine, this time accompanied by a hefty gulp and a new warmth dripping from her core. 

One hand dipped lower, finding her folds with ease, applying just enough pressure to earn a whimper from her as his other hand draped around her neck. With a catch in her breath, her eyes shot open with a smirk feeling his fingertips close around delicate skin. 

Her own fingers traced harder over the scales on his thigh but eventually gave in to his touch, leaning backward until her back once again met the cold, hard dirt. Her hands dug small scrapes through the pine needles cushioning around her. Troy’s grip on her throat didn’t relent as his other hand delved one digit, now warmed between the two, into her glistening core. With every pulse that clenched down on his finger, his own member reciprocated. 

The cold air around them was a welcomed element. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to resist her much longer as he rubbed his clothed cock on her inner thigh. 

He wanted her to need him. 

He waited for her to need him. 

He needed her to need him. 

As his name dripped from her lips, Troy couldn’t hold back any longer. He didn’t waste time undressing any further as he pulled his underwear down just enough to release his begging cock before replacing his finger with a much larger fulfillment. 

He watched as her eyes clenched shut, a single tear running from one corner of her eye glistening from the shallowly dancing flames. His grip on her neck released at the feeling of her nails raking down his bicep. Her touch melded with the sweet smell of her arousal and gasps of breaths, his thrusts unrelenting. Filling her to the brim over and over. Watching her face contort in ecstasy whilst he sucked in his bottom lip to keep from silent. The only thing he couldn’t muffle were the grunts and groans that escaped him and the sound of bet skin meeting wet skin with such force and need that would make even a nun blush. 

Troy felt her begin to spasm in an eruption of an orgasm. 

It was in her breathing. It was in her nails grazing his skin. It was in the way her body contracted around his cock. It was in the way she whispered sweet-nothings only he will ever know as she bit down on his shoulder, surely leaving yet another one of her marks on his skin. 

He knew he needed to pull out, his own release matching hers. But the way she felt, how she looked, the way she smelled and sounded filled his senses and all Troy could think about was painting those glorious, tight walls of her with his seed. It was a dangerous game they were playing, he knew that. 

And still he did as he pleased. 

His body fell atop hers. All strength leaving him in his release as he collapsed above her, limp dick still within her walls feeling every pulse her body made. 

Everything was silent, the world seemed to disappear as the two soaked up each others heat as the sweat balls rolled off each others skin and into the earth below. 

When the sun began to rise, shining brilliantly through the fog lifting from the tree tops, the pair shared a look. 

“We should get going I suppose. One more day to camp, right?”

Troy nodded silently, a small grin returning to his swollen lips as he chewed his tongue slightly. “I’ve been used to sleepless nights, but this one took a bit more out of me so keep it slow.” 

The woman giggled hopping to her feet and extending an open hand down to Troy, both fully knowing if he took it he'd pull them both down.

“Who knew you’d be such a little chatter box after intimacy, Mr. Otto. The sleeplessness wasn’t fully my fault I do recall.” 

Troy leaned his head back against the tree where both were once propped up on, a toothy smile adorn on his tired and satisfied face. His chest heaving with a silent laugh before shoeing her hand away with a grunt to his feet.   

[yuwuta]

Nsfw // Remember the itfs talk?? Cause I was thinking, I was thinking so hard about what to answer cause like yesss!!!

I want to focus on the latter tags cause.... Wow thats what I'm talking about!! Whenever I read itafushi I like top yuuji and bottom (and more often than not sub) megumi. So it makes so much sense that you'd want to take revenge for that cause he liked you but chose to ask yuuji out before asking you?? Or, yuuji knew megs liked you and still choose to ask him out?? So, in the first scenario it would be more than fair to dom him! Maybe you were all just talking about how you all ended up together and yuuji just lets that slip. maybe you're feeling like being a bit (or maybe a lot) mean to megumi, get him on his knees, sucking, deepthroating really, yuuji with you controlling his movements absolutely forcing him to take all of yuus length down his throat and gag like crazy with an obscene amount of spit oozing out of the corner of his lips. It was definitely personal too, they way you were treating megumi. Yuuji is not innocent in all of this ofc, but I'll let that slide for the sake of the moment. To continue punishing megs you would have your way with yuuji while he just sits there and... watch. It would end with yuuji giving you a huge creampie, it was such a lewd sight too, his dick was already shining cause of megumis spit, and even more after he entered you cause you were soaked. So there you are, full of your bfs cum seeping out and you ask megumi to clean you, cause that wouldn't be the first nor last time that he'd taste yuuji. Your revenge on yuuji is definitely happening another day too

gnaws on a steel plate… godddddddd okokokok yuuji has such an effortless dominate aura about him that’s a little scary once he hones in on it. most of the time, it’s purely his outgoing, charming nature and physical strength that lures other people into submission by will or force, whichever comes first, and he’s sort of naive to it. but when he chooses to exercise that strength, when he chooses to be stronger than you, than megumi, when he chooses to seduce, it’s mind-numbing, it’s boyish, but there’s still a distinct power struggle that it’s dizzying… insane… 

anyway… you said two very important things in here and i only have the space (brainpower) to bring attention to one right now, and i will below, but just know we need to come back to the point about letting yuuji creampie you while megumi’s there bc i am firm believer that that’s actually one of megumi’s biggest fantasies. in general, seeing you and yuuji together does very bad things for his brain but not bad enough for him to deny that… also megumi king of safe sex until it comes to watching yuuji cum inside of you goddddd

yuuji is the one who instigates your revenge in the first place (and he will also do the opposite, will convince megumi that he deserves to take some frustration out on you, that you were sooo oblivious while he pined for you for all those years, how you weren’t very observant as his best friend and now he’s got the chance to show you exactly how badly he’s wanted you… but that’s for another time…)—but right now, yuuji’s getting into your head, he’s deceptively charming, not at all innocent, and far too calculated when he stops making out with megumi and turns to you, not too far away, sitting up against the headboard with wide eyes. yuuji thinks you look awfully cute—you always do when you three are together, you have this wide-eyed awe about you; not shy, but definitely still timid about the fact that you’re now dating your childhood best friend and his boyfriend. yuuji loves that look, but he thinks he’d like to ruin it more. 

and he takes the opportunity to do so, much to megumi’s surprised and distaste—ignoring megumi’s pawing at the hem of his shirt, impatient, yuuji looks over his shoulder to you and poses, “can i ask you something?” 

your eyebrows raise in surprise. megumi’s raise in suspicion, petulantly coming down from the high of making out with yuuji, and craning his head back to look at you. your eyes shift to his briefly, and then back to yuuji’s, almost embarrassed, and when he looks at megumi, there’s a slight blush at the tips of his ears. cute. you two are very cute, and yuuji likes it a lot. it confirms to him exactly what he wants to happen tonight. 

“you remember how i told you about yuuta-senpai? and how he’s my best friend, but when he started dating inumaki-senpai, i kinda hated him because they spent so much time together?” yuuji recounts casually, biting back a grin when megumi huffs. you nod, evidently confused, but yuuji continues, slowly reaching a hand up megumi’s arm, over his shoulder, up his jaw, until he reaches the shell of his ear, then asks, “did you ever feel that way about me?”

he can see the shock on your face, hear it from megumi when he gasps a bit and pulls away from yuuji’s touch, “what kind of a—”  

but yuuji doesn’t want to hear his side of the story right now. in fact, if all goes his way, he won’t be hearing much of anything from megumi tonight—he reaches his hand back up to pinch at megumi’s ear, and hushes him, “i’m just asking her, meg. she’s my girlfriend now, too. don’t i get to know these things?” 

your mouth is slightly ajar, and yuuji chuckles. you’re so quiet, he’s beginning to think he’s scared you, but soon, you smile, sweet, and gentle, and he can’t even blame megumi for fawning over you since middle school. “i—i didn’t hate you yuuji,” you reply, “i thought—think—you’re good for megumi. i just wanted him to be happy, and you make him happy.” 

yuuji hums. no wonder you two never got together before. “so you’re the self-sacrificing type, too, huh?” he smiles, far less innocently than you might think, “maybe i should have gotten you and yuuta-senpai together, instead.” 

you look like you’re about to refute, but megumi pulls back again, throughly annoyed when he interjects, “what the hell are you—”

but yuuji is quick to move his hand from his ear to his throat, pinching his fingers around his neck with just enough pressure to stutter and silence him. 

“i’m still not talking to you,” he reminds megumi, eyes sharp. he squeezes around megumi’s neck a bit tighter, before turning his attention back to you, “was he always like this? always biting before you can bark? must have been kind of annoying to deal with, huh?” 

your eyes widen, bambi-like and yuuji almost coos. from where you’re sitting against the headboard, you can’t see megumi’s face completely, just a sliver of his cheek, but you can probably tell by the reddening skin around his neck and ears that yuuji’s not just choking him for show. 

“i—uh… it’s not like that, it’s just… yuuji you’re gonna hurt him…”

but, you should also be able to tell that megumi’s not fighting it either. 

“you’re always so worried about him,” yuuji pushes megumi back against the pillows, paying no mind to his panting, simply ordering, “stay down.” 

yuuji then reaches out for you instead, gently pulling your body towards in him stark contrast to how he’d treated megumi a moment ago—twirling you as best he can while you’re kneeling on the mattress, maneuvering your body so that you’re straddling megumi and yuuji’s back is pressed against yours. 

yuuji hears you gasp, ever so lightly, when you inadvertently press your crotch against megumi’s. he almost wants to watch you two do that instead, but right now he’s a man on a mission, so instead, he puts his hands on his hips to keep you still, “see—he can take it. he even likes it.” 

you raise a hand to reach out to megumi, but yuuji stops you, forcing your back flush against his front, and caging you in with his arms and resting his chin against your shoulder. he turns his head to kiss you on the cheek, slow, once, and then again, and then against your earlobe, “you wanna try?” 

“try—what, choking him?” you ask, trying to turn your head to face yuuji, but he keeps it steady, keeps you facing megumi. 

“it’s not like you’re gonna hurt him,” yuuji hums against your skin, trails open-mouthed kisses along your neck. “it’ll feel good, i promise.”  

“well, uh... megumi, do you—”  

but yuuji raises a hand to squish your cheeks together before you can finish, turns your head to him and tuts, “i’m telling you it’s okay. megumi didn’t ask you before he asked me out, right? you don’t need his permission for everything, princess.” 

yuuji’s not just leveraging your feelings against each other now—now it’s sexual knowledge too, all the fantasies megumi has indulged him in about you, all the kinks he has that you’re clueless to. yuuji knows that despite the history you and megumi have, he’s the bridge between you now—and right now, yuuji wants you on his side.

“must bother you a little bit, right?” yuuji coos, releasing his grasp on your cheeks and using his hand to tilt your chin upwards to face him, “that he asked me out when he still had a crush on you. it still bothers me sometimes—and yet he had the nerve to get upset when i asked you about it. kinda selfish, no?” 

“i’m just saying, i think you should teach him a lesson,” yuuji continues, using his other hand to help your body rock against megumi’s, drinking in the sight of your pliant lips and the sound of his strained sighs. 

megumi’s probably not far from cumming in his boxers at this point, and you’re not far from helping yuuji make him do worse. 

“come on, princess,” yuuji smiles, pressing a kiss to your cheek before looking at megumi, “you gonna help me put a leash on him?” 

it’s an invitation and a threat, this you seem to understand. you can say yes to yuuji, say yes to having megumi between you two tonight, say yes and have a little bit of power; or you can say no, and be on the receiving end of punishment. 

yuuji almost thinks you’ll choose the latter out of loyalty, out of devotion to your best friend, out of shyness and inexperience in taking what you want, but you’re not just megumi’s anymore—your his girl now, too, and you make it known when your soft hand crawls up megumi chest and to his neck, and hesitantly wraps around his throat. 

tonight, megumi’s yours and yuuji’s. 

“good girl,” yuuji grins, wicked with intent when he presses a kiss to the back of your neck, “now lets have some fun with him.” 

[raiiny-bay]

made this & then realized i wanted to make something else instead

[rinbylin]

li xiangyi, yin, and femininity

we all know that li xiangyi is a character of fractured identities. and li lianhua is an unreliable narrator to his own story. these make him not the most straightforward character to study. but I've believed in treating li lianhua as a part of li xiangyi, rather than separates. and there must be a common thread that ties all of him together. thus, I offer what I have found to be the most useful lens to use to view him as a cohesive whole, regardless as li xiangyi, li lianhua, or any other identity he may reinvent into: his 阴 yin qualities. (yin of yinyang)

this framework suggested by the drama's text itself has helped clarify to me his strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and struggles. by identifying this constant, too, makes it so much easier talking about what has changed in him.

[to the, hopefully growing, boli lhl hivemind @markiafc @ananeiah]

-

there are some notes on the concept of yinyang and chinese conceptualisation of gender I have to preface with.

[disclaimer: of course, I'm not even trying to cover a tip of what experts have extensively studied and debated in a depth it deserves. all I'm doing is try to parse the broad, fundamental ideas that are needed to explain my blorbos through my own spotty brain filter. so there bound to be nuances I've overlooked or some degree of my own interpretation. pretentious but needs to be done.]

阴 yin and 阳 yang are concepts characterised by passiveness, darkness, gentleness, femininity etc, and proactivity, light, toughness, masculinity etc respectively. a very key and handy concept to have in mind is their relationship to each other - which I'll not attempt at explaining better than literal scholars have:

Yin and yang exist only in relation to one another internally as the way warmth-coldness only exist relative to one another. Furthermore, when using yin-yang as an organizational schema, achieving balancing harmony is always the goal, not domination nor subordination of one to the other. [x]

while yin and yang can be symbols of femininity and masculinity, it doesn't mean all female are yin and all male are yang. it's certainly not a strict 1-to-1 equation. the concept of gender in chinese context is more social than biological. this suggests room for fluidity, and shaping of identities, often through social rituals as one journeys through life. it also means that there can be femininity in the masculine, and vice versa - in fact, that's only healthy because you need a good balance of the two worlds. no one part is better than the other. if you think of the two components as relative to each other, they are always interacting and affecting each other, rather than being strict and inert binaries. simply put, it needs to be kept in mind that there are greater nuances in applying yin and yang to the definitions of gender, and to avoid at all cost a simplification of this framework into a binary.

sure, the show has implied that lxy's powers and energy are yin-coded. but femininity is only one of the multiple attributes of yin. so how are we extending lxy's yin to femininity specifically? it's in the text that substantiates and qualifies lxy as feminine. dead women being used as proxies to his character. being literally dressed as a woman in order to put himself into their shoes and feel what they've felt. adopting a name that happens to be very, very feminine - 莲花 lianhua (lit. lotus flower) (it must be caveated that chinese names are NOT gendered. but there are just some names that are more feminine than others.) him coming to lead a life revolving around traditionally feminine, domestic things as li lianhua. him having interactions with the women around him like he's in his own element - no pressure and tension at all, unlike with all the other men.

as such, I'm more willing to use yin and femininity interchangeably in discussing lxy (while it's not necessarily applicable to every point that will be mentioned albeit there being some degree of implied association). and it's for the sake of elucidating what I feel is an intention or very plausible reading of the canon text in parsing feminine experiences in lxy's character. and thus, his queerness.

one last note is that taoism is going be mentioned quite a bit as well because of how much it as a philosophy honours the yin quality. its key tenets include valuing passiveness and inaction as a form of action, and submitting to the nature of things. and we will see how those come up in lxy's life too. (though I'm not gonna attempt to deep dive into it here beyond broad strokes of it.)

-

a huge part of li xiangyi's yin actually manifests in him being a passive person. this applies not just to li lianhua, but also li xiangyi. I know. ok wait hear me out. the idea of yinyang is after all components that can change and are relational to each other: thus, there were points in li xiangyi's life when he was less passive than other points, but they ultimately don't match up to the degree of aggression displayed by other men around him. so relative to their display of proactivity and aggression, he can be considered as passive. the best example is that of shan gudao proposing to launch an offensive on jinyuan alliance, while lxy - as much as he was arrogant about it - was standing his ground on not taking action in favour of peace.

it has already showed up in his childhood as well. he wasn't a particularly competitive child: 从来都没有谁要和你争 nobody has ever thought of competing with you over anything, he told sgd as he recalled of their times growing up. it was in fact sgd who was desperate to control and override lxy's presence. baby lxy did not hesitate at all over giving up on winning in favour of protecting his only rare few close relationships left in the world (given how hard-earned relationships are when they're non-familial !!!!). as much as I resent the one-dimensional writing of sgd, he has served as a very strong marker to highlight on lxy's yin.

-

I've harped on it several times before but this is the time I finally get to explain it proper: my own theory is that li xiangyi became an unparalleled swordsmaster because of his yin/feminine quality, not in spite of it. an interesting point that had been out in the open unclaimed until it was brought up in our friend group is that, li xiangyi does not actually fit anybody's conventional image of a 武林盟主 wulin mengzhu (ie. ruler of wulin). it would most likely have been some burly, muscular, ultra-masculine dude. even if they don't look like the demonic monk, it should be someone more like di feisheng. but. it's li xiangyi, the boyish, delicate-looking kid, who came to the top. (no wonder people - mostly men - love or love to bully hate him like weak men hate powerful women??)

"why didn't they cast someone who looks more like a wulin mengzhu (read: traditionally manly)?" no, no that's precisely the point. nobody said wulin mengzhu have to look manly. and also who is to define the manliness required to be in a place of authority? (or in my other meta, we would ask, who is to define anybody gets to have the authority over anyone else at all?)

by taoist ideal, gentleness is the most refined form of strength. li xiangyi has been haunting and distracting me in my chinese calligraphy practices lately because I'm thinking about how this must be the closest to what it felt like lxy becoming the best swordsman in jianghu. (so pretentiously brainrotten of me, I know, BUT IT'S REAL and I'm suffering.) mastering a chinese art is essentially about mastering a delicate balance between force and gentleness; being able to draw force from softness 柔中带刚 and an ability to maintain this balance. a beginner will instinctively hold a brush for the first time with brute, unrefined force. some fairly reputable contemporary calligraphers, according to my teacher, can be seen as being either too soft or too forceful - but are still able to pass off as good enough. it's then, the master of masters who will have the sophistication of a firm yet flexible control of the brush with the appropriate use of gentleness/laxness that produces a harmony of strokes. this idea extends to any other sort of chinese craft or practice including traditional chinese medicine, and I believe, swordsmanship too. I'm taking a fucking leap of faith here to say this because I practise NO sort of (chinese) martial arts, I must caveat. (someone who does may want to say something...) but theoretically that should be how it works.

it is not for no rhyme or reason, or *handwaves* that lxy emerged to the top AND is almost undefeatable. among a competitive, forceful (ie. yang) wulin, li xiangyi stood out with a power and energy defined by yin (ie. gentleness and stability) that led him to create his signature 扬州慢 yangzhouman. it is characterised by 慢 slowness (my calligraphy teacher says to us all the time to take it slow), and also described by dfs as 中正绵长 - which I would best describe by painting a picture of a steady and stable stream. these precisely speak of the essence of a mastery of gentleness as strength to me.

conversely, dfs's way in mastering power is very largely premised on taking action because he literally had no other choice in the environment he grew up in. both of them develop in opposite ways. it was the case of gentleness for lxy clearly because he grew up in a safe, nurturing environment that had allowed him to be slow and steady at his own pace, drawing on his natural gifts.

-

now top of the wulin world at 17, li xiangyi founds sigu sect. li xiangyi, the boy before becoming menzhu and li xiangyi the leader of sigu sect are not the same.

how then did a (relatively) passive boy like lxy end up founding sigu sect. this lxy is the one who was fostered into competition - though not in an abusive, twisted way. in fact he was raised in a rather taoist way by his shifu: to be honest with yourself and respect your opponent. so he honoured whatever powers he had been bestowed with by nature. he gives into it. even so, at another level, I just have a sense that shifu and shiniang's competitive marital spat had an insidious effect on the boys...though the detrimental effect was more on sgd than lxy. baby lxy feels like a sweet-natured kid who was just in his own zone, you know - some (aka sgd) would say, too much of him even, to have not realised what was wrong at all with his shixiong for years.

that's not all of course. I've always gotten the vibes that his attitude behind forming sigu sect felt more like, this is what all the good men of jianghu do and I will have to do it now especially that I'm the best. it didn't feel particularly personal to me, but rather what would have been expected of him by the social climate of wulin jianghu (eg. lxy saying to 光耀师门 bring honour to his teacher). it's definitely not an expectation from his shifu, who explicitly told him that he was never expected to become a noble figure of any sort, but just to be alive and contented. as concluded by the man himself as li lianhua: "有些人入了江湖是为了立心，而有的人入江湖为的是立命。我却不知道自己真正想要的是什么。some people enter jianghu for the cultivation of the mind, others for a cultivation of a meaningful life. but I never knew what I truly wanted." he was ultimately, unwittingly a passive player in his own story of becoming the great sigu sect leader.

(at this point, as a side note, I do wonder if there were any other similar sects or alliances that function the same as sigu sect that came before it. because I'm damn well sure there must be something, as likely as there must have been generations of wulin legends who came before lxy. but of course, this is not what the story is concerned with at all and I'm ok with that.)

it's crucial to point out that, even despite this being the phase of his yang in the display of taking action and enacting firmness, lxy had still done sigu sect with the sole purpose and manner of upkeeping peace and order (in the way of the pro-universal love, anti-aggression mohist 侠 xia leader of the people). he's still very characterised by yin in my books, especially when vis-à-vis to sgd.

a li xiangyi full of himself and made himself too useful to the people was only bound for a great asteroidal fall, in the concept of 物极必反 - or in taoist lexicon 反者道之动 (ie. anything that has reached its limit will only start developing in the opposite direction). if you think you're above all, you can only go down.

this manifests during the next time he took action - and it was one so forceful that it overpowered even his opponent, dfs who ended up being the passive, receiving party in this case - was in initiating the battle at donghai 10 years ago... and gee oh boy. it didn't end well - for both of them, but even more so for lxy. (dfs was like 'tis but a scratch (shrugs)' as compared to him being ripped off his tendons by jiao liqiao like nezha did to the dragon prince. truth is he had to go into a 10-year healing retreat served by his entourage. :p) ok, I digress.

xiao zijin was quick to attribute sigu sect's fall to lxy's arrogance - in turn setting the stage for lxy's 10 years of self-hatred and the framing of lxy as a villain? irresponsible figure? by jianghu. (god forbid girls do anything! ok for legal reasons, this a joke.) lxy lost his mind in ways I believe he never had in his life there and then upon seeing his shixiong dead. so, you could say he led the jianghu world to ruins out of love (using this term loosely). but it feels inaccurate to say it's due to arrogance. he did not do that out of self-importance or ego, especially when the revenge for sgd was a collective decision made by sigu sect as we know from the flashback. so when llh pinned all fault on himself for being arrogant in the past, it is with caution to take his words because that's the unreliable narrator in him speaking.

-

anyway, it's precisely li xiangyi that is capable of bouncing back from such a fatal crisis, equipped with his yin and a mastery that gave him the power of flexibility.

it's extremely vital to re-establish that literally the only thing that was keeping li xiangyi alive, physically, as li lianhua is yangzhouman. (monk wuliao literally said that to lxy even though he did facilitate in saving him.) it's the yangzhouman that was drawn from lxy's mastery of yin. without yangzhouman, li xiangyi would not even have the chance to become li lianhua and undergo any needed process of transformation. without li xiangyi, there would have been no yangzhouman. no li xiangyi, no li lianhua, get it?

the point is not to deny the change li xiangyi wants to make and has made. but to acknowledge that change isn't about complete erasure and destruction. something from you survives. something in you had kept you alive to have you come so far, regardless of all the bad bits that you want to denounce of. you've always been worth it.

bringing back the thing about his new name: the distinction must be made that he did not pick it because it was feminine but it just so happened a feminine name had resonated with him. (read: he didn't necessarily identify as a woman but identified with femininity. at least within the parameters of canon text.)

he also made an interesting choice to retain his surname for someone who was desperate to sever ties from his past. hmm. or maybe he wasn't that desperate? when li lianhua says li xiangyi is dead, I believe it meant that li xiangyi the sigumen menzhu is dead rather than li xiangyi as an entirety. li lianhua is a returning to the path lxy could have gone if he did not establish sigu sect, the path that shifu wanted him to take. when he walked to the doors of sigu sect in the aftermath, nothing was actually stopping him from going back (people were still around and alive, instead of all dead people, you know)... except for himself. taking that action would have been too much for him. so he went with the flow of life giving him a chance at rebirth and walked away. there, inaction as a form of action.

zhan yunfei and qiao wanmian have said to li lianhua, oh that doesn't sound like li xiangyi at all. but has it been considered that, maybe it was sigu sect's lxy who wasn't the real lxy? sigu sect lxy was one big performance of the values of masculinity and heteronormativity that llh had came to an awareness of, and eventually struggle with again and resist against in the final year of his life. there had only been some glimpses of his true nature allowed (validated by fang duobing talking about lxy at his altar).

imho, most flashbacks of lxy during that period felt impersonal and more like a template of a hero expected to marry his girl at 18. going through all the motions and steps of a normative life even before he was old enough to grasp and explore his own identity and what it meant in the world. no wonder he denounced so much of what he had done as lxy including liking girls. walking away then also meant a walk away from those duties and expectations. li lianhua is li xiangyi liberated from masculine duties and heteronormative performance.

in doing that, he had the opportunity for the first time in his life to explore what he truly wanted, at least within the parameters of what he could afford to do at that point. he could go on to build a domestic, feminine life within the space of jianghu (as I've established here). it's a kind of feminine lifestyle that doesn't quite exist in mainstream society - being a woman there meant to stay put in a domestic space without much room to move socially. nor did it exist in wulin jianghu because even the women there like shi-guniang and jlq were expected to be masculine, aggressive, competitive. so building a mobile home in the space of jianghu is his way of defining the life he wants and can have. li lianhua is the extension of femininity in li xiangyi - and one that can be free.

it's also worth talking about in my opinion what is one of the most important and a favourite dihua moment: when dfs said to lxy that his greatest weakness was to like being a hero. and a swordsman should be without weaknesses. I'm forever wrapped up in how many layers this can be read in. was he mad at lxy for liking to be a hero or having weaknesses, or both? if the former, it was dfs criticising, based on lxy's public reputation, lxy's oversized illusions about being a hero - a figure of masculinity with an unrealistic sense to uphold noble goals eg. saving the world etc. that is actually perfectly logical coming from dfs, the straightforward, no-nonsense, morally neutral guy with no illusions about heroism (in this case, he feels more like a yin). but at the same time, we should understand that lxy's motivations behind the donghai battle are more personal than noble. if any, it was actually the opposite of noble - it was like he was acting out of the role of a caretaker of his family, and at a cost of the peace and order of jianghu he was set on guarding(!!) dfs also knew that lxy was there just for his shixiong. and so, dfs, who happens to be the epitome of yang, can be read as a symbol of masculinity disapproving of lxy for being sentimental and emotional; for having the "feminine" desires to simply want to defend his family (not saying those are exclusively feminine traits but they have been conventionally associated as feminine). I think both layers of reading are correct and should work together to contribute to the complexity of their characters. (we can see how it contributes to lxy and dfs being the perfect yinyang halves to each other, which I will come back to briefly touch on later.)

-

for 10 years he lived a life of seclusion and staying-in-his-own-lane a taoist would be proud of. he knew he was dying and has always been ok with dying, as he claimed. but did he want to die? to think of it, it was the opposite. because in those 10 years when he could have 100% just taken action to take his own life, he didn't. in fact, he lived on and took care of himself in the way shifu wanted him to. he had simply preferred letting nature run its course. if bicha didn't take him, he wasn't gonna do anything. but if he died one day very soon, he would be ok with it too. sure, he was maybe banking on a lead to sgd's whereabouts to appear during his last years alive but that clearly wasn't the only thing on his mind for NINE years because he didn't actively go out seeking for that either. this is basically him telling dfs that he would just lie in the sun and wait for the sweet release of death, if dfs were to force him to fight. not even the mortal threat from dfs was enough to move him into action of fighting back or killing himself.

time and again, lxy as llh was dragged into fdb's cases but not only that, he also maintained an impersonal distance with them. it's starkly different from the usual (wuxia) hero archetypes (for eg. fdb) who would be more impassioned and personally invested in the plight of the victims- or unlike most seemingly aloof protagonists who would somehow grow emotionally invested over time. one of the many things I love about llh is that he never tries a second time to persuade people out of their decisions he finds unwise (eg. him just wanting to move on in response to the girls in 女宅 insisting on staying behind with their slave master at first.) he will not interfere in other people's choices made in their own lives. it's not his business. he didn't even want to be there, to be honest.

however as the story progresses, more and more people - especially men, his past, and the leads to the truth came back to demand and taunt him into doing something. they vary from well-meaning people without any harm intended such as fdb intruding upon his private space completely uninvited and qwm wanting him back; to dfs merely seeking him as a mean to an end initially (eg. I only need him to live long enough to have one last fight); and finally, on the other end of the spectrum, outright aggressive and hostile people like sgd and xzj who wanted him to die. under all this pressure, he tried his best to deflect, but he does waver especially when it comes to matters concerning the people he cares about aka his obsession wish of 10 years of looking for sgd's remains that had lied low until fdb entered his life, and then later on taking revenge for his shifu.

looking for sgd became his final bid at taking action. he was operating on a slim chance of getting some emotional closure from finding out his shixiong is dead for real, yes. what a good plan. but objectively unnecessary. or surprise! uhhh...finding out his beloved shixiong is actually alive and would strangle him for one corn chip? AND OH NO IT GOT WORSE- uncovering a devastating truth about his shifu's death that he could have totally gone on with life fine without knowing if he had continued not caring.

but it is sometimes just impossible not to care - it is only human to care. and he is human, not an icon in the image of a hero. so he took a chance, once more, and it killed him in unprecedented ways. it's donghai all over again. things in life don't go as planned. you fuck around and it fucks you back. finding out the truth behind his shifu's death and his family background from the past did nothing for him as li lianhua living in the present.

it's no wonder that this lxy decisively relinquishes the desire to take action in the end. he goes back to letting nature run its course. and this time, stands firmly to it despite everyone begging him otherwise. wangchuan flower could only give him a recovery (or survival?) rate of 30%. there's a 70% chance of failure and even in the 30% he was not sure what he was to become. in comparison, dfs took a 10% chance game of survival in a heartbeat, and it pushed him to new heights. that's how they differ: he thrives by taking risks and action while lxy the other way round. so, something like that has happened before and he wants none of it again.

-

he leaves lotus tower, only taking his horse and a sack - relinquishing almost every other material belonging he had - and sets off on a journey. before xzj interrupted...where to was he going?? I wonder. we don't know for sure, I think? and are we allowed to know? that makes the scene he had with xzj an understated inflection point in the very last part of his journey. yes, he was already on his way to...maybe die? but not necessarily. you don't have to travel distances with your belongings for that, right? or speak to dfs personally about not wanting to fight? (borrowing one of @ananeiah's takes.) regardless, he was definitely leaving behind jianghu - not only wulin jianghu (he already did that 10 years ago), but also the jianghu space he had carved out in the last 10 years.

what sparked the decision to jump off the cliff in him was dfs's words from the night of their wedding 10th donghai anniversary: 横扫天下容易，断相夷太剑不易 conquering the world is easy, breaking xiangyi sword is not. in the original context, dfs was talking about defeating lxy being harder than conquering the world. but when it came to this scene, it was to lxy about forsaking the very last worldly possessions he had after already giving up on lotus tower and hulijing (including releasing his horse), especially his only connection left to swordsman lxy.

perhaps it had dawned on him that, wanting things at all was bad for him. in the last 10 years, he lived a life of seclusion, wanting very little. but he had still wanted things. there were still things he couldn't let go of that had led him to this state. despite having lived on an identity inspired by a buddhist teaching for 10 years, maybe it was only at this point that he was finally the closest to reaching an understanding of it. (I wish I was knowledgeable enough right now to dive into the possible buddhist reading here but alas. I'll leave it to our resident expert @markiafc)

it doesn't quite matter in the end where he was going after all. what mattered was that he literally went where the water took him and we're not supposed to know where it ends. I'm not seeing this in a bad and pessimistic way though. I think the relief in all this is that he had tried his best to within his abilities. also it's a form of enlightenment in relinquishing a desire, an obsession, a need to take any more action in order to live well. thus his ending felt to me relatively tender, empowering, and kind - albeit bittersweet and heartaching - than other possible kinds of ending, in a story where it was very possible for him to have died under the knives of his opponents or bicha at any moment, outside of his control.

-

if you've come so far in this post, congratulations! but also a reveal is that... you're not immune to the dihua propaganda threaded throughout this post. :P

as mentioned, other men like sgd and xzj in lxy's life were incredibly hostile to him. their yang nature overwhelmingly powers his yin. but dfs is different. dfs is the yang counterpart that fits perfectly to his yin.

dfs's yang is one that contains yin, that mirrors lxy's balance of yang in yin. it was suggested in text they are yinyang-coded meant to complement each other, given that whenever wangchuan flower's yin vs yang properties were discussed, the two men were always spoken about in the same breath. more importantly, as with the above few analyses of dfs's words playing a big role in shaping of lxy's choices with multiple meanings - as well as their day-to-day interactions - we can see that they constantly play off each other.

dfs's yang energy has been used to help lxy prolong his life (though not saving him entirely), while lxy has used his yin energy to save dfs and subsequently helped him attain his breakthrough. dfs has also helped lxy in his breakthrough of yin but not in the same way as dfs's cultivation of his combative powers, and rather, it's for lxy an understanding of his own path to take in life - a cultivation of the mind (both times 10 years before and after). given how significant dfs is in the shaping of lxy's realisation of the yin path - alike his shifu has, it's no wonder that they were the only two people lxy had imagined in his last sword dance of a farewell to jianghu.

with each of them coming together to form the perfect yin-yang model, they're a harmony of yin and yang representing the cosmos. what I also love is that they didn't start out as a perfect fit, but only towards the end of the story was the harmonisation completed, which makes sense for two components that are always in a flux influencing each other. the fact that they were number 1 and 2 of wulin, and being the only ones capable of understanding each other in a level nobody else could... it all reinforces the cosmic sense of their relationship. they're the halves to a whole, fitting in a specific way nobody else can.

(I mean. technically this is going into the space of extrapolation based on a tangential interpretation of canon text, so do take it with a pinch of salt. but of course this pinch of salt can do wonders for a shipper's feast... :P and this certainly could have been a meta of its own expanding on dfs's side of the analysis, but this is it for now in this context.)

-

to think of it, li xiangyi has actually died more than that one time that turned him into li lianhua. first was a death of him as a nanyin royalty - I resent having to bring up nanyin like it should hold any weight to the narrative as far as I'm concerned, but the point being that he had a completely different (familial-based) life before that still stands. then he had a rebirth as li xiangyi, disciple and swordsman to his shifu and shiniang, and later died again when li xiangyi the sigu sect leader took over. lxy the sigu sect leader died at sea in the battle 10 years ago and came back as li lianhua. (just like nezha, died after battling at east sea and rebirthed from the lotus) li lianhua then dies by the end of the drama.

there can be a myriad of interpretations as to what exactly happened to him, including the possibility that he's still alive. regardless, we can agree that li lianhua as an identity has ran its course, and he had to evolve again. but into what form?

in the line of thought of yin and femininity, and how his transformation has been in an increasing degree of presentation of femininity - even way back when I was watching the show, I had the idea of him living socially as a woman post-li lianhua. I don't know what he would be realistically doing or what could be practical for him in such an identity. but conceptually it was sensible and compelling to me before diving deeper into the details. (I have more elaboration to do on this that I won't be talking about here publicly but it is in the same strain of idea as this other comparative meta I wrote.)

I think the next possible identity lxy can assume - alive in the material realm or not - is one that will be beyond a material being. a nameless entity. once you've gone through the phases of life - from not knowing to knowing, and perfecting knowledge, then to the surpassing of knowledge - you surpass all worldly existence, and become one with the cosmos.

I end this off with an excerpt from Tao Te Ching's Chapter 41 (I'm not pretending to have read the whole book ok but I couldn't resist including this):

明道若昧，进道若退，夷道若纇 [...] 道隐无名 The bright path seems dim; Going forward seems like retreat; The easy way seems hard [...] The Tao is hidden and without name. (x)

the character translated into "easy" is the same 夷 yi of li xiangyi's name. somehow this seems to encapsulate the journey of his life: one that seems blessed and smooth-sailing but ending up to be rocky and turbulent. but at the end of the day, after all that he had been through, he will become hidden and without name.

[whumblr]

Heyoooooo, been rereading home is where the hurt is, cause like it is so absolutely amazing, always a delight to find again and rerealise how fantastic it is.

Anyway I was reading lessons learned (yay for jay he earned his little triumph) and I was wondering how Zayne would retaliate? I feel like Zayne was also tired in it and normally he still could overpower Jay easily, but Id really love to read more of him getting his revenge at a later day, if you want to write that.

I hope you have a nice day,

~ @whumpedydump

Ehe :3 Yes, he can easily overpower Jay, that's the fun of it. Thank youu <3 Follow up to Lessons Learned.

Home is where the hurt is: Part 1

-

"Jay... I think we need to revisit what happened last night."

Yep, there it was. The consequences of his own actions. A hand snagged the neck of his t-shirt and pulled him back in a swift tackle to the ground.

Zayne immediately took his chance and sat right on top of him while Jay was still getting some air back into his lungs from that smash to the floor.

While Zayne's face showed no swelling or bruising from yesterday, Jay could still see a darker line crossing his nose. A tinge of pride pricked through his fear.

"Because you'll want to be careful with such tricks," Zayne whispered, taking utmost care himself not to repeat last night's mistake. He didn't lean over Jay yet, just sat up straight on his hips and pinned Jay down. "Because some people... might not take to it as kindly as I did. Might not be as... merciful to let you get away with it."

"I wouldn't describe you as someone who's full of mercy..."

Zayne merely curled a lip in a wicked smile and continued. "Some people, would be pissed!" And he slammed a fist right next to Jay's head.

Jay flinched hard.

"Would start retaliating." Another blow barely missing the other side of his face. "Punch your lights out." A fist flew towards Jay's nose and Jay twisted away as best as he could, brought up his hands. But when he opened his eyes, Zayne had stopped, knuckles now an inch from his face. A trembling exhale released, followed with a betraying, pathetic little whimper.

"Or worse..." Zayne pulled his fist back and unfolded two fingers into a fingergun. "What if it had been someone with a gun, like Emery?"

Jay pulled a face and couldn't expel the sudden vision of Emery sitting on top of him instead of Zayne. He shook his head and looked straight into Zayne's eyes, the familiar evil that he suddenly way preferred, trying to ground himself in reality.

Zayne slowly leaned forward and let the tips of his index and middle finger rest against Jay's forehead. He clicked his tongue, flicked his thumb. "He'd probably empty a gun into your brain if you tried some stunt."

"I'm not stupid enough to pick a fight with someone with a gun."

Zayne laughed. "You do realise that is literally what you are doing by researching his crimes, right?" He caught both Jay's wrists and slammed them roughly into the floor. "Not to mention that you are stupid enough to pick a fight with someone who hands you your own ass multiple times a week."

"You literally asked for it yesterday."

"Well, you know how I always like to encourage you to fight back," Zayne crooned right in his face, knowing he had Jay pinned to rights. "Just, you know, be careful with it. It could do you more harm than good."

"So you're saying to only try this on kindhearted souls like my trainer or you."

"That's right."

"I see." And Jay suddenly bucked his hips up, caught Zayne both off-guard and off-balance, tipped him forward, and tossed him right over.

-

@just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @hurtmebeautifully @rougenoirofthepurpleterror

@susiequaz12 @whump-me-all-night-long @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @im-just-here-for-the-whump @restrainthenmaime

@freefallingup13 @whatwasmyprevioususername @myfriendcallsmeasickwoman19 @firewheeesky @redstainedsocks

@hold-back-on-the-comfort @whumpawink @break-so-beautifully @approach-me-and-ill-cry @painsandconfusion

@afabulousmrtake @wormwriting @soopytime @whumpedydump @pickleking8

@itsmyworld98 @whumpifi @painless-and-colourful @withdrawingramen @lolrpop

[adozentothedawn]

Six Sentence Someday

Tagged by @orime-stories thank you!

Despite what it looks like, I am in fact ocasionally still writing, I just tend to word vomit about my current obsession and then never finish it.^^° So yeah, my last game that I finished was Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest and it made me go insane, so have a part of my 1k monologue that I wrote for a potential time travel fix it. It is only 5 sentences because 6 would have been awkward, but if I ever get to it again you'll get a lot more.

"They ordered me to kill you but I couldn't do it. I would have ruined everything because I looked at you and remembered cherry blossoms and warm nights. I remembered off key lullabies and larger hands than mine on my back. I couldn't do it. And I think when you looked at me you knew that."

Gonna tag @adraveins and @stylishanachronism if you have anything you'd like to share.^^

[twpsyn-who]

Soulmates AU in which when your soulmate is in a situation that can result in their death you get to see through their eyes. Like, I don't know how to explain this- it kind of flashes between what you see and what your soulmate sees. You know those edits where there's a scene going on and there's another one faded in the background happening at the same time? Similar to that. The idea is that you get to see what your soulmate sees too, on top of what you're seeing.

Now, this AU but JeanMarco. With Marco asking the others where's Jean, just for him to start seeing a corpse right in front of his eyes not even a second after asking. Seeing through Jean's eyes as he's trying to get hold of that gear and stuff. And once Jean's safe, once it clicks that you know his best friend is his soulmate Marco can't wait for them to graduate so he can you know tell him that.

Then, you know. That happens. And Jean is so fucking confused because he keeps seeing Annie crying, looking down on him. Only when Annie starts getting off the gear, when his soulmate starts moving around trying to get away he starts panicking, starts moving around faster than before. And maybe he's too late. Or maybe he shows up in time and kills the titan. I don't know. That's not where I'm trying to get, but to the second option AKA Marco pulling an UNO reverse on Annie because he's a smart sneaky bastard like that and being like 'Hey you can't kill me, my soulmate will know it was you' which makes her stop trying to take off his gear. Reiner keeps telling her to do it, Bertholdt keeps yelling about that titan coming closer, but Annie... she has seen things, at some point. Flashes of moments that weren't hers, happening right in Trost- right in that moment. And she didn't give them too much thought until that moment, until it got confirmed that it has nothing to do with her titan powers.

'What do you mean by that?' she asks, because she needs to know more. Because she wants to know more. And Marco starts explaining how it works. Tells them that he has found his soulmate, that they will put all the blame on them for his death. Reiner doesn't believe him, keeps insisting that he's playing them around - he, and anyone born and raised on Marley, has never heard of something like that before, it doesn't exist - but Annie tells him to shut up and to let Marco go. Cue to the plot of any fic in which Marco doesn't straight up die after finding up their secret.

Anyway I don't know man, just,,, We need more soulmate aus for JeanMarco. That's an order.

[cebwrites]

Konohamaru: Origins

a/n: the title's a little misleading-- yes konohamaru is heavily featured, but this is mainly about his dad who's an oc 🫶

oc | gen word count: 1.9k

When Konohamaru was born, Azura and the Third had a huge blowout argument. Namely over the fact that Konohamaru came to them in a basket on their doorstep, brought in by ANBU guards.

Hiruzen was furious at his carelessness, insisting that they sent the unnamed infant to a foster family or at least a shelter because there was no way he was ready to take on a child; let alone a baby. Azura, just barely 19 and out of his mind with stress and other overwhelming feelings, refused.

Asuma made the mistake of questioning the legitimacy of this claim and ignited an entirely new argument in the confines of their living room. Part of him wished he could swap places with the ANBU outside ordered to pacify the kid over all this screaming.

It was the first time Asuma had seen their father that upset and his brother that angry and culminated in a silence that permeated the house for at least a week, only broken by the baby's babbles or midnight crying. Eventually, Azura left. Packed up his newborn son, everything he could fit in an overnight bag, his mother's picture with the basket Konohamaru came in, and slammed the door behind him.

It took around an hour for the adrenaline to wear off for Azura to realize he was out on his ass.

He considered his options; a hotel would be a quick fix but he didn't know if the money he crammed into his pockets would last, Hyou had two other young siblings already at home, so did Tsume (she also scared him), and as much as he loved and respected his other team mate, something about Sou told him that his house probably wasn't fit for a baby.

Azura felt the grace of god that day when Hizashi was close enough to the front of the Hyuga compound to see him begging another branch member to let him see his sensei at this time of night.

He was brought indoors immediately, if only to take the bundle of fussy hands and chakra not dissimilar from his own held so closely to Azura's chest Hizashi was worried his grip was too tight. Once Konohamaru - a named decided on by the Third - was fed Hiashi stepped in to see what all the commotion was about and locked eyes with his brother's student.

He looked a mess; bloodshot eyes and a heavy 5 o'clock shadow, the rest of him looked mildly unkempt from his tussled hair to the single fingerless glove and uneven bandages. His stare was vacant as he attempted to lull his son to slumber. If not for the knowledge of his specific circumstances, Azura would've been just the standard image of a new parent.

Hiashi had a litany of questions and protests, but his twin wordlessly communicated that they'd talk about it later with a motion of his hand. He had a teenager on the verge of tears with a baby in tow. Hizashi had heard rumors in the few days prior but he never took village gossip to heart; but more importantly it was his student that came knocking for help, and Hizashi fully intended to offer it.

Come sunrise, Hyou and Soitsu were called over for an impromptu team meeting - only to be met with their sensei's son curiously watching an unfamiliar baby play with one of his old toys. Before this, Azura was sure he'd never seen both his team mates' pupils not at least partially covered by their eyelids. He was immediately bombarded with questions, concern and confusion in equal measure, and it took the better half of the morning to fully answer everything.

Among those questions, Sou was the one to pose what Asuma had said initially; if Konohamaru even was his baby. The answering elbow in the rib from Hyou and their team mate's twisting expression did nothing to deter him. Sluggishly, Azura pulled a note from his pocket - the only other thing that had arrived with Konohamaru aside from the basket.

It spoke of how the woman who'd left him had planned to keep this a secret, how she thought she could handle it all on her own without burdening him but ultimately a child was too much of a burden for her, and that she was sorry. Azura knew the penmanship well, because he'd been writing letters to her for a year or so prior to their meetup. She was a nice girl who lived near the port and offered him a hiding place while he fought the missing-nin plaguing their small merchant town.

Remembering the argument he had with his father about tracking her down to give the child back bittered the taste of Azura's tea as he sipped.

When all was said and done, the sun was close to the horizon. They'd spent all day just lounging about on Hizashi's porch, no closer to a solution for Azura's lodging. For the Konohamaru's sake, the idea of sucking it up and just going home was floated around a lot but he was still too angry to so much as look at his father. Azura wouldn't be able to leave the village on missions, either, unless he found someone to babysit his son for extended periods of time - and everyone here had their own mouths to feed.

What they landed on? Was that Azura and baby Konohamaru would stay the Hyuga compound, at least for the moment. Hizashi was sure his brother and the elders would protest and write up a long list of their objections, but their sensei insisted that it would be better for Konohamaru's overall wellbeing to not be exposed to too many germs and different environments if his father had to bring him on the move constantly.

Hyou offered to babysit when he could, since they were already juggling Hana and Kiba in their spare time for Tsume. And, uneasy as he looked, Sou promised he'd support him as best he could as a friend, whenever he asked, through the likelihood of him babysitting was very low, being completely transparent with him.

Azura was so happy he could cry. So he cried, and he wept at the feet of his team in prostration and eternal gratitude.

Weeks passed and everyone got on with their lives with these new (although temporary) arrangements. Jaws dropped, Azura explained the situation that brought him here over and over again, he was quite tired of this rinse and repeat cycle honestly. Reactions ranged from shock to unearned praise, and understandable concern. By the end of it, he had half a mind to just let the rumors catch everyone up because it seemed like half the village already knew anyway.

He was lucky enough to catch Tsunade on her way out of the village with Shizune to run a last minute check-up to make sure Konohamaru was the happy, healthy, bouncing baby boy he seemed to be.

Months had gone by, knowledge of the Third Hokage's new grandson had run its course through the village and soon became old news. Azura hadn't taken any new missions in that time, but he subsisted on the help of his friends and Hizashi's grace.

Lord Third was sure his son come crawling back soon, realizing just how (right Hiruzen was) difficult parenting would be and secede to his father's perfectly reasonable solutions. But the longer he waited, the longer Azura's absence weighed on him. Hiruzen considered just calling him into his office as an order from the Hokage, but he didn't think that would go over too well.

Asuma called his bluff, pointing out that he was just scared of rejection if Azura refused to come home and if he really cared about his brother like he claimed to, he'd get off his ass and talk to him instead of creepily watching his son and grandson through a crystal ball like some kind of weirdo. Hiruzen huffed and puffed his pipe, muttering something under his breath about the right timing long after his youngest had left the Kage's office.

His moment came in Azura's darkest.

After only a handful of months living there, Azura had to find a new home for him and his son with the death of Hyuga Hizashi. Sensitive information that was only shared with other people at the top in Konoha and their guards that had to pretend not to know - but considering one of his students was living there, he might as well let them all know; it was only fair that he told them beforehand.

The team was devastated, whether they showed it or not, but no one was more shattered than Azura - the most tenderhearted of the three of them. Of course they were, these were kids that Hizashi practically raised. Hiashi wasn't cruel enough to throw an almost 20 something and his infant son out on the day of, but there was an expectation that they'd have to leave eventually, ideally soon. Azura and Hyou made sure to check on Neji even in their own grief, the boy was inconsolable the last they saw him. But without Hizashi there to give them away in, Neji would once again be sheltered away (from outside harm but also comfort) in the private Hyuga compounds.

Azura returned home begrudgingly. Asuma helped him move his things back that Hyuga branch members so graciously packed up without his knowledge while Azura was out on a mission and Konohamaru was at Hyou's. He tried cracking a joke about their stuffiness to his brother as they walked but it fell flat, predictably.

His brother didn't do much else but walk around in a fugue state for the next few days; still caring for his son in familiar motions Azura would be able to do with his eyes closed, but his mind was far enough away for autopilot to kick in.

Finally. Finally.

Hiruzen scooped Konohamaru out from his slumbering father's arms and put him back in his cot. Azura awoke with a startle a moment later; reflexes far too late from an ANBU Black Op, but sooner than one would expect a grieving, sleep deprived young man.

The Third quietly lamented about how Biwako would scold him for sleeping in the same bed with him and Asuma, go on long tirades about how delicate babies were and how the smallest things could put their health in incredible danger. As a medic-nin, the lecture was to be expected, as their mother, Biwako would have a conniption every time she caught her husband doing it.

Azura immediately got up to check on his son, only half listening to his father's spiel but once he was sure Konohamaru was okay - almost paranoid that he'd vanish into thin air if he didn't see him or touch his little hands - Azura sat on the edge of his bed with a heavy creak. After a moment, Hiruzen joined him.

Azura's voice was hoarse when he asked if his mother would be as angry at him as Hiruzen was if she were around to see him in this mess. The Third picked his words carefully; they were both aware of the kind of woman Biwako was - a stern, but loving mother, the strong head on her shoulders was what Hiruzen fell in love with the way she'd always push her husband and children to the best versions of themselves, despite Azura's tenderness as a perceived weakness.

Ultimately, Hiruzen says that even if his mother might have her misgivings, her worries for both her son and grandchild, that she'd come to love them both all the same as he did.

Azura cried in his father's arms that night. Just down the hall, Asuma was surprised he didn't wake the baby with his bawling.

[arcaneyouth]

i'm BOREEDDDD i'm so fucking BOREDDDD literally what is a guy to do in this situation

[mushroom-for-art]

Syn has been living in my head rent free so he gets put in situations, situations being going to a nice café apparently and chatting with another shadow mewtwo, hope this is okay @seasidemew also Pikkot and the concept of Stardust Café belongs to @spikyegg!

Business was steady within multiverse Stardust café, Pokémon filed in and out most ordering their treats to go as they continued on their journey through the possibilities while some chose to stay and take a seat, taking a moment to relax within the calm aromatic atmosphere of the shop, freshly baked treats and breads steamed creating a delicious scent with carefully crafted teas to suit. The customers chatted at their tables to those they'd never even met before from entirely different worlds all taking the time to enjoy the delicacies lovingly baked by Pikkot in the kitchen, strangers exchanged cakes and brownies to each other in warmth as for a time a great sense of community was created within the room.

Due to the boundaries of this space within and between universes synergy corrupt individuals found that they quickly mellowed out as the behaviours of seeking more power were impossible in this environment and yet being in this bubble outside of worlds kept them appeased allowing many to return to an almost rational state. Though the many customers still exercised an air of caution about the two dark hued genetic Pokémon that were chatting up a storm at one of the tables, creating a noticeable area of empty seats. The taller, lighter gray hued of the two laughed into his hand as his tail idly swayed the end glowing brightly as it brushed across the floor. The more dark blue gray hued one with bright glowing crackles of energy flashing over her skin continued moving her hands in flourish as she told her story, her tail tip flicked in engagement though rested on a stool rather than laying on the floor like her companion's due to the bright shining and incredibly sharp crystal fused into the tip of her tail.

"Of course I wasn't going to let such a cheap tactic fly, while I understand it from a battle strategy point of view my way of seeing it is, if one is going to execute some cheap trick you need to be sure you can follow through, use it to your advantage to strike an ending blow and win, otherwise you're just gonna piss me off," she laughed a bit of an empty cruel laugh her tail swaying near the base which didn't quite reach the end, "well, I say that is if the miserable little creature had any real chance of winning." Her hand moved, rolling her wrist to flourish with her hand once more, "not to brag or anything." Her tone not matching her statement.

"I will give them the fact they managed to create a mark," her finger touched over a small scar on her forearm tapping it before turning her arm in examination, "not that it's that noticeable, well not noticeable to normal people at least but noticeable to champions," her mouth turned into a grin and although she showed teeth it was playful as her tone complimented casually. Her companion smirked as he raised a brow before relaxing into a chuckle.

"Complimenting me won't make me reconsider my evaluation on how much of a threat you might be," though they watched each other with equal caution there was a level of ease and playfulness to his tone, "but it does boost my ego." She tutted.

"Arceus in heaven above we can't be having that," she remarked playfully. She leant back casually in her chair in a half stretch as he turned from the waist to look around the café casually at hearing the bell on the door chime, he regarded the Bisharp with little interest turning back to sitting forward. There was a softer chime from the order up bell as a short, glasses wearing orange tailed mewtwo collected the plates of cakes and other confectioneries along with the two teacups and a specially chosen tea brewed in a teapot to compliment the taste buds. As they walked around the front desk carefully holding the tray in their hands the Bisharp moved backwards in a deliberate fast beat that saw their foot standing directly on one of the mewtwos toes and their bladed body roughly knocking into them also as the mewtwo staggered from surprise and no doubt pain. Their momentum saw them side stepping before they steadied and slowed the tray still balanced and no treats lost or tea spilt as they sighed in relief.

The Bisharp barked some remark about watching where you're going to the Mewtwo as they continued forward, keeping their head down before arriving at the table of the shadow Pokémon without further incident. Carefully they took the plates from the tray placing them on the table along with the teacups and pot, the lighter one, Syn glanced over the food that had been delivered and brought his eyes over to glance at the other mewtwo, short for mewtwo standards for sure with a short tail to boot, a bump in the chest piece that would indicate a mega stone along with some noticeable scarring around the region. His eyes glanced at the cuts made in their side that were starting to slowly bleed.

"That looked like it hurt," he commented casually as they put down the last of the tables order, he watched them move their shoulder and arm to look at the cuts and frown to themselves.

"aah drat…I guess it did," the mewtwo who he realized was a female spoke from their mouth, "could've been worse though, so glad it wasn't." Her tone was infectiously positive and a bit on the loud side."Pikkots gonna end up making a first aid wall of shame for me though at this rate," she laughs in an easy manner, "well I hope you both enjoy, and Darkness don't cause any trouble."

The darker mewtwo made something of a bleh sound in response as the orange two walked back to the kitchen to go receive first aid for their cuts, giving the bisharp an incredibly wide berth.

Syn made a soft laugh, "I still can't believe you settled on Darkness as your name."

"Oh yea sure Mr Syn-ergy crystal, I was young I'd only had this body what 3 minutes when I made that choice, I'm looking into experimenting with a new name ya jerk." Her tone was easy though as he chuckled picking out a treat to try from the selection, dramatically hovering his hand above the plates twirling his finger.

"So, how do you know that other mewtwo? Didn't strike me as the type of person you'd hang out with."

Darkness took a macaron and popped it in her mouth happily enjoying the texture and flavor on her tongue with a satisfied hum before speaking with projected telepathy, "she's not, that was May she's," she paused struggling for words rolling her wrist in a few circles before uncertainly settling on, "she was my first suitable host that survived having me implanted into them, and she's the horrid creature that mutually corrupted me as I corrupted her." She made a noise, "and I suppose now in this body I'm technically her clone sibling as I had to use her genetic sequencing to create this absolute form of perfection." She gestures to herself proudly in emphasis, "I blame the unique situation of our corruption for my, difficulties now with taking over another host. Luckily this body suits me quite nicely." She shrugged casually lifting the teapot carefully with psychic energy and pouring the tea into one of the available cups, she glanced with her eyes and motioned with her head and Syn moved his cup to motion that yes he would like a cup too.

"You must be fibbing," he brought the cup to his lips to take a drink before biting into a cupcake, he continued telepathically, "she's hardly a viable host? I haven't seen her use any Psychic powers, she walks around mouth talks and carries things in her hands plus she let that Bisharp get away with bullying her, she seems too soft to survive a corruption event. And there's no way you're cloned from her, she's all small and cute looking and you're well," he gestures vaguely, "you're designer."

"Good save with that one," She chuckled "and you're telling me, I am well aware of the state of her," Darkness sighed a bit turning a cupcake between her fingers, "she's, something, she's annoying weak and placid but it took me years to wear her down enough to take over, I was implanted before she was even technically full grown or officially born. It's embarrassing to think how long she prevented me for, but I suppose admirable in a weird way. I have a bit more of an appreciation for her now that I'm, more organic, urg semantics." She bit into the cupcake aggressively with a frustrated huff at her display of emotions.

He raised a brow at her, "it took years to possess her? And what happened when you finally succeeded?" he leant his elbow on the table leaning in a bit to hear more, he was a bit surprised in all honesty wondering what that meant for the power this May had to remain herself for so long.

"When I finally was able to take control I found a strange amount of potential within her, I found when used by the right person, myself of course, she could be incredibly powerful and dangerous. She was strong and I'll admit I was shocked at how well she took hits. Though I decided partly from vainness and partly from the fact I resented her at the time that she was inadequate even with her potential and decided to find the perfect vessel which led to having to clone and make the perfect body myself. I have to do all the hard work around here." She chuckled to herself.

"I'll admit though, I do worry about what she'd be like under the effects of an unaltered synergy crystal, no ideas mister," She lazily pointed a finger at him in accusation as he put his hands up in mock surrender pondering what would happen if he extended his corruption to her.

"I can see your face thinking, it could be your funeral." Darkness shrugged idly before smiling a bit as she chuckled to herself pointing with her thumb at a different mewtwo of a red pink hue and many discoloration patterns wearing a prosthetic on one arm and using psychic energy to recreate the other to make up for not having actual arms below the elbow and higher on one arm and a more pointed tail, "it also means I'm related to that fool over there another clone not made by me, if I have to put up with them at least I get free entertainment." She laughed a bit but Syn could see a bit of softness to her as she watched the other mewtwo flirting away to some male customers.

The orange mewtwo May returned from wherever she'd gone sporting some plasters and bandages carrying trays and deliveries out to people once again. "So, that scar on her chest was-?"

"That's from me yes," Darkness casually answered before he could finish as she touched the jagged crystal growing out of her chest, "burst out of her when I finally took over, was incredibly painstaking making sure I got every piece out of her when I transfered into this form, I'm amazed I can still mega evolve with the mewtonite in such a state." She moved her tail, lifting it to show off the sharp crystal on the end like a blade, "this was all home grown however, carefully shaped and added."

"You grew synergy crystal?" Syn asked intrigued as she started to tell him about the process of successfully managing to grow and farm synergy crystal and how to encourage the crystals to grow a certain way.

Syn continued to glance over at the other customers as they discussed in lengths the process of crystal growing. He would watch the other mewtwos as well, some from many other universes arrived and he observed and mentally categorized them. Most of them looked like easy pickings, others looked like very filling meals. At some point Darkness as sneakily as possible opened a jar of gherkins, he accepted one to try in confusion to why she brought them to a sweetie café watching her bite into a cupcake and then a gherkin. He could faintly hear Pikkot in the kitchen gasp in absolute horror as though sensing someone was committing crimes against his baking as Syn could only stare in bafflement.

"Not pregnant are you, dear Darkness?" He smirked playfully in mock as he looked at her and she looked back at him, with the silence becoming just a touch deafening.

"Look-" She began before there was an incredibly loud clattering of metal trays and the scraping of a chair rapidly sliding across the floor before clattering over loudly. It distracted both the shadow Pokémon enough to look over at the drama.

The bisharp from before was stood with their table and chair thrown about and trays scattered across the floor. The red pink hued mewtwo apparently called Matt had his arms to his chest in startled protective reflex as he stood near the trouble making Pokémon.

"Look I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, that is completely unacceptable! Like look at this mess man, I'm gonna have to pick this all up!" Matt threw up his arms in an exaggerated fashion at his frustration at the mess. The Bisharp eyed Matt up as it moved slowly stalking to the side like some predator eyeing up its prey. The other customers quickly moved to be as far away as they could to be out of the danger zone.

"Woah.. Woah hey now..dont like how you're looking at me..you wouldn't attack a guy with no arms would ya?" Matt turned on his feet following the prowling Bisharp not letting it get behind him and quickly yelping as it decided to lunge with Matt promptly half throwing himself to the side out the way yelling, "NEVER MIND I GUESS YOU WOULD."

He slipped on some smooshed cake as he attempted to scramble away from the danger, Syn almost wondered if he should step in if only for the thrill of a fight. He moved to stand and felt Darkness grab his forearm with a quiet, "hold on I wanna see what happens," as he gave her a confused look wondering why she was preventing probably the only competent person from stepping in to help her supposed brother.

The Bisharp swung their arm to slash with intent to cause serious injury before it's body froze in place, a thin shimmering white outline could be seen around their body as May stepped out from the kitchen with a cold expression, her eyes completely white. Despite the psychic energy rolling off of her in waves picking up the scattered chairs and tables scooping up squished cake and generally tidying up she didn't float, her arms carefully wrapped under Matts to pull him up as he moved to very quickly duck behind his furious sister.

She looked around the restaurant scanning over to make sure that no one else was hurt and nothing else needed fixing as the Bisharp made a grunt of effort as they attempted to break free of the psychic restraint, her head snapping to look at them at the sound.

She stared at them, tail swishing up and down as the metal blade on their arm began to quietly rattle and with a crack the metal shattered and they dropped to the floor at the sudden release.

The bisharp wailed at the destruction of their blade and there was no sympathy on her face as they stumbled holding their injured arm that hung limp with the pain having more than just a damaged pride as they fled out the door. Her eyes remained aglow watching after them, undoubtedly aware that with a damaged blade the social position of that bisharp was now ruined, that they would likely lose their pack and struggle to hunt, and there was still no sympathy on her face as she blinked and her eyes returned to normal.

"Boooo you should've killed him," Darkness hollered as other customers looked at her in horror at her suggestion as she simply smirked and shrugged. May shook her head checking over her brother asking if he was hurt before sweeping up the scattered metal shards off the floor and moving to apologize to the nearby customers for the actions she just took.

"What just happened.." Syn glanced at Darkness in bewilderment but also in slight awe at the casual brutality he just witnessed.

"I told you, Mays got potential but for some reason she can use her powers to protect other people and not herself and when she does use her powers? Well you saw what happened. Again, no ideas mister I don't wanna see her as a shadow version of her."

"Of course," he spoke glancing over as May went back to work, "I wouldn't dream of it." He lied casually.

[paperlovesadness]

Did I just spend way too much time trying to "scientifically" determine the ranking of my favorite AM albums - even though I'm canonically terrible at math (proven fact) and hate it? Yes. Yes I did.

Because next to being a purely artistic, humanities-focused right-brained person I am also a Capricorn. And earth sign. Obsessed with lists and rankings and determining things as objectively as possible. Even when it's impossible.

(Anyway - my podium is apparently TBHC, WPSIATWIN [a little surprise] and The Car very closely followed by SIAS)

Which actually does make sense when I think it through.

(Anyway - I still love all of the children very much).

[capybaraonabicycle]

It was always difficult reasoning with the TARDIS. It was especially difficult when you were dying. One should think she would feel pity and for once do what you asked her to, but in the end she always thought she knew better. And, quite frankly, at this point the Doctor was too far out of it to specify that the sunrise was supposed to be on Earth. Still, even in her battered state she recognised immediately where the ship had brought her to. It only took opening the door and having a small shimmer of the rising sun fall onto her face together with an all too familiar smell of home. You did not spend a decade dreading a slowly brightening light and mistake it for another when you saw it again.

Let me try to fix it one last time please. I know there wasn't room for them in the episode but there would have been room for a tiny scene pre-regeneration. Just to have them meet. Just so the Doctor wouldn't be alone when she died. Just so her wife would see the old body and while being confused and concerned remark that oh, now everything makes sense and when asked to clarify answer spoilers. Just so we realise that there is a chance here that it isn't over yet, that they will get a few more adventures as a gift. Just for some hope. For her. For them. For us :)