#but i dont think i can handle that sort of thing anymore

[citrusinicake]

tfw youre feeling too financially insecure to sleep

[celestialmancer]

...

5 years or less...

That's the most time I have left to scramble everything together despite also struggling w my own health & everything I already struggle with. & That's assuming nothing happens in the time span before then that accelerates everything at a rate faster than I can maybe handle

Bc with the unpredictability I seem to live in constantly, with how common it is for me to have shit strike out of nowhere? When I've never even known stability in the first place so I can't even trust that that 5 years won't suddenly be accelerated to less than 2 years or far less than that? Esp when last year was the start of sudden "yeah so we are becoming rly unstable & idk how well we're going to be able to live here for the next x months/years" that was dropped on me out of nowhere?

...I don't know.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: 1:05 AM

Tags/Warnings: sensual, Suggestive, implied smut, heavy flirting/making out, Idol!Jungkook, Fluff, Established Relationship, implied foreigner!Reader, not home AU though

Lenght: mid.

Languages are marked as English / Korean.

AU-Masterlist

This AU doesn't have a name yet, so I'm simply using times as a name for now.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"Don't you want to come to bed with me?" He wonders, walking into the living room where you're still scrolling on your phone.

"I'm sorry.. I'm not tired yet." You pout. "And, are you not worried you might crush me in your sleep anymore, big guy?" Leaning your head back to look at him as he casually steps closer, sitting halfway on the edge of the couch as he looks down at you, tongue running over his bottom lip before he speaks.

"Nah, we literally wrestled on the couch yesterday, You're a tough girl." He wonders, voice low as he clearly attempts to woo you over. "But how about I... make you tired?" He says in English, making you giggle.

"Your English is cute." You tease a little, and he squints his eyes at you, biting the skin of his lips as he shakes his head.

"Not cute." He responds, shaking his head, before he points at himself, eyebrows raising as if he's attempting to appear offended. "Sexy. I'm-.. hot boyfriend." He tells you, and you laugh again. "You no take me serious?" He asks, voice raising in pitch while you fall to your side, thoroughly amused by his antics.

"I love you, jungkook." You say between laughter, and he gets off of his spot before he attacks you on the couch instead, body now over yours as he playfully bites at your neck. He's had enough time now; an entire week of playfighting and getting to know you better in a physical sense- getting the hang of how he's supposed to handle you.

How he can handle you.

"Hmhm, I love you." He responds, before his antics turn into more sensual kisses against your jawline. "Dont want to?" He asks against your skin, and you shrug- playing hard to get. You've talked about things like these before- hell, you have quite literally jerked off on call before.

"Not in the mood." You simply answer to rile him up, not letting him know that you're very much in the mood, but unable to hide your grin.

"Is that so." He wonders, a deep purr underlining his low tone before he places his hands underneath your arms, pushing you higher up on the couch so your back is leveled against the side. "You think I can get you into the mood?"

"I don't know, can you?" You wonder at him, and he sits back at that, hands grabbing the bottom hem of his shirt before it's swiftly lifted over his head, arms easily slipping out of the short sleeves as it's thrown somewhere on the siderest of the couch behind him. There's a candle on the table, barely illuminating the scene of his apartment- but it's nice like this. He enjoys the soft orange glow of everything in front of him, especially your features. They're more accentuated like this, as if you're in some sort of alternative dimension where time doesn't exist and the outside world stands still for a moment.

"Can I take off?" He asks you, hands slipping underneath your fluffy sweater, and you nod, an okay he immediately grins at, lip running over his lips. It's the first time he'll see you in person like this. It'll be the first time he's going to be able to touch you, see you bare and raw and real, and it's exciting to him.

In a way, sex isn't even on his mind. All he wants to do right now is explore.

He's a bit disappointed when he realizes you're wearing a cotton bralette underneath the sweater, but at the same time, he really does like the aesthetic of it all. His palms run over your newly exposed skin with care, before they rest at your sides, head leaning down to kiss from your sternum right down to your belly button. You giggle a little when the cold tip of his nose brushes over your skin, tickling a little, and he grins as well, mind completely filled with you. "You're so pretty." He chuckles, and you nod at him.

"I feel very pretty now, too." You tell him, making him smile.

"You should." He agrees, before he grows bolder, leaning down to kiss you as one of his hands travels over your still covered chest. He can feel the warmth of your body through the fabric, nipple already hardening at the clear excitement of it all. So much for not being in the mood, he thinks to himself.

Kissing had never really been something he really found intimate or anything. It never felt special- but with you, he can't seem to get enough, and he honestly cannot explain it properly. If he was to be asked, he would probably blame it on his love for you, no matter how childish it might sound.

Right now, he feels different from any other encounter he'd ever had like this.

Before you right now, making out had always been somewhat of a necessary step for him to get to the main course, in a way. Like a habit you can't break because that's just what everybody else does- but right now, he believes that he could happily continue this for as long as you're up for it. It riles him up in more ways than just simple arousal- though that part is pretty clear at this point, underwear starting to feel uncomfortable especially when you lift your leg, knee brushing against his by now fully erect length still tucked away in grey cotton underwear and black sweatpants. It makes him groan lowly into your mouth, making you giggle in amusement as you repeat the motion, clearly aware of what it's doing to him.

"Brat." He scolds, before his fingers slip underneath the hem of your bralette, lifting it over your head, finally freeing your breasts for him to see. They look like art in the low warm glow of the scented candle on the table- and not just them. Your whole body that he's exposed at this point, from your collabone to the very edge of your jawline, it all feels like a movie, as if it's not real.

But it is. He's touching you, after all. He can feel you, see you- hear you.

Especially when you whine impatiently, pulling on one of the strings of his sweatpants, making him sit up on his heels. "I'll be right back-" He says, before he jumps over the backrest of the couch- instead of walking the other side around it like any normal person would. But he's anything but ordinary- and that's fine with you. You love him like this, after all.

Because that's him.

When he returns, he blows out the candle on the table, light from the bedroom enough to make it all visible enough so he can properly pick you up in his arms, lifted over his shoulder before he playfully smacks your butt.

"Jungkook!" You scold, laughing as he walks into his bedroom with you, setting you back onto your own legs before he kills the lights again, colorful led moodlight illuminating the walls and you before he crawls into bed with you.

"I kind of like you saying my name. A lot." He hums towards you, before he leans down to kiss your neck, hands back on your body. "And I really liked how you just called it out like that." he teases, referring to your little outburst at his antics. His gaze is dark and sharp as he looks at you, running his tongue over his piercing before he looks at you impishly, almost roughly pulling off your sweatpants down your ankles.

"Think I can make you do it again?"

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

[ronkeyroo]

A positive Update

Friends, kind folk - Hello Again 🤍

Ever since my last update post, I've been thinking about it , a lot ;; I knew I needed time to cook and reflect, and im so glad I gave myself that...

2024 started rough for me; I fell severely ill again - I was too busy cursing my life and dwelling over how betrayed I felt by things still not getting better despite my efforts that I didn't realize I was walking into a self fulfilling prophecy. Its true that the struggles I'm going through are yet to be solved, that its gotten so much to the point giving up seemed easier, and that a couple individuals haven't been making it easier on me either; I swayed and i rattled and I steered within feelings ranging from confusion to anger to dismay and all of this back and forth did nothing but remind me of yet another self-destructive loop I just don't want to allow in my life anymore. Its exactly the kinda stuff that made me ill to begin with, and I've been so lost dealing with everything in between that i forgot to tend to the actual core centering all of this...

It grew unbearable how much emotional and physical turmoil I was pushing myself into, and knowing how intertwined these two elements have been; I had to draw a line before i majorly screwed myself over, gathering any bit of inner will to discipline myself back into some sort of clarity, enough to at least look through a lens OUTSIDE my pain for once, towards the kind of life I want to lead, and the kind of life I don't; and I came to an understanding.

From my physical state to my mental, to the people and memories I've experienced, both the good and the bad - I want to prioritize the good.

Not in a shitty ass, toxic optimism kinda way but in a "I want to prioritize knowing and living the possibility that even when it hurts, even when i want to be gone, even when life doesn't align - There's still every good reason in the world to keep moving forward, to face things from a perspective of growth & compassion, and to grow to love the promise of a better tomorrow even when today was unbearable." To know that I don't end or begin in my suffering, that the infinite potential I speak so fondly of applies to me, as well...

I want to be able to wield and create and share that goodness, too, Especially when it is already in decline...And for all gods sake, to internalize that all of this STILL exists and STILL matters even when it doesn't work the first couple or dozens of times.

As for my place here in Tumblr...I know the sentiment might feel silly to some but the experiences, memories, and connections I've made here have truly been such a significant force in my life, and i don't want to give up on that ;; Not because of my own insecurities, or an inner state of hopelessness, and especially not over a bunch of emotionally immature Anons that dont know how to handle themselves; I want to forgive all of that.

I'm stubborn, and there's an unyielding force within me that no matter how many times it is struck down, it proved itself ridiculously resilient. I'm perking up with with a fiery confidence realizing just how many times it rose back up, enough to realize it is an unchangeable part of me ;_; I shouldn't underestimate that force, and I want to keep living by its side. Whatever positive change I can sprinkle onto my life and the lives of those I care for, I will! And the reason why this space in particular is so important to me, is because so much of that already exists here, alongside you folks;

THAT'S the kind of energy i want to nourish and walk into the new year with! I want to continue growing as a person, challenging my inner turmoils, undoing the self punishing dogmas that still haunt me, stop flexing my teeth over things that don't deserve my time and god DAMN, just - indulge in the stuff that makes me happy, even when I'm going through unhappy times.

So yeah...I guess that means, I'm back & I'm staying ;_;)🧡

I know i may seem like a broken record when it comes to expressing gratitude but - Thank you, thank you thank you everyone who have reached out for me, who so fondly kept me in their thoughts and kept encouraging me whenever i was hurting, both then and now...You folks mean more than whatever ailment or struggle I can go through, and while I'm unsure of how the future will look like as I'm still going through various challenges- I couldn't have asked for a cooler, sweeter audience to have by my side whenever Its time to take a rest or hype over our sexy delicious blorbos!

Speaking of which....................I have been cooking quite a lot of things in the time i was away 👀✨ I most definitely intend to serve them, eheheh

[omodance]

Ive had 1300mL now! Im so squirmy and I want to pee so bad... Thankfully i finished my work before the need got so distracting. Now that im free could you give me some different tasks to do? Im fine with more intense tasks since i really want to have an actual accident for the first time. (and i dont have anymore work)

I’m about to go to bed, so I’ll try to give you some tasks to set you up for a success 💛 During absolutely none of them are you allowed to hold yourself with your hands. For added difficulty, you can choose to wait between finishing one task and starting the next

1 - If you have any sort of diuretic (coffee, tea, soda, juice) I recommend you have a cup of one of those. Drink it as quickly as you can

2 - stand in the bathroom for 5 minutes. Do not sit on the toilet, just exist in the bathroom and maybe drip the faucet

3 - jumping jacks. I know, the exercise tasks aren’t my favorite either but trust me… it gets things moving. 15 should be enough

4 - counter presses. Lean against a counter or table or chair so that it presses directly into your bladder. Press for 10 seconds, release for 5. Repeat this 8 times

5 - if you haven’t peed by now, congratulations! You’ve earned another 300mls of water! Drink up 😘

6- do a wall sit and hold it for one minute, or just as long as you can. Knees as far apart as you can. The catch is that you need to play water dripping sounds (or even pee audio!) while you do it

7 - soak a rag in warm/hot water and hold it up to your crotch. Not hot enough to be uncomfortable of course, but hot enough to feel like pee. Hold it in place until it gets cold, then wring out the water from the rag over your bladder/groin

8 - one more diuretic. Don’t think you can handle it? That’s too bad. You’ve made it this far and I’m going to make sure you have that accident.

9 - find paper and something to write with. You’re going to write the lines “I will have an accident” 20 times

10 - you’re going to repeat this cycle 3 times: 2 minutes laying on your stomach on the floor (legs not touching), jog in place with high knees for 5 seconds (count with Mississippis), deep squat with your legs apart for 1 minute

If you make it through all of these without having your accident or at least leaking, you’ll definitely impress me. Let me know how it goes, and how far you get!!

[nori-the-cat]

a bit of a long ramble but

I'e been observing and following kpop on and off for some time because theres really not much other music out rn besides whatever is mainstream and even that doesnt always interest me enough. but I just wonder why so much of kpop has been so dramatic lately? lkke in these past few years online drama seems to increase surrounding idols especially and what idols do in their personal life doesnt need to be shared online like wtf and it just seems like every small thing for kpop groups tend to become big drama or their fans make it big drama all the time. thats why i watch from afar these days cause it seems anyone can have negative thing to say abt anyone whos in the kpop entertainment. even if there is some good things abt kpop music, overall it doesnt paint it in good light cause it make their fans seem like a pack of wild vultures who watch their idols like hawkes or ppl who cant seem to mind their business or let idols roam freely in their spare time cause smartphones seem to mean ppl can shove them in the idols face esp at airports.

its just kind of tiring most of the time like if people just liked it for the songs it wouldnt be so bad instead it seems to be one extreme or the other. i dont blame idols for never saying who they date bc look at what happened to karina and the actor. social media just spoils the fun of something and makes it into something else enitrely where its now often filled with dramas or toxic behaviours idfk whatever ppl post towards idols it only for them to get more negative reactions. i wouldnt be surprised if most idols are already dating but when it seem to get leaked in the media then ppl who are their fans act like it end of the world. i think the problem isnt social media itself but more so smartphones bc ppl who are more their hard core stans, i guess is the right word, they might go to extremes and they keep showing that extreme behaviour any time something doesnt sit right with them. like one minute the idol can be worshipped and next they can be tarnished so they cant really win anymore.

when ppl say that kpop is becoming westernised i only think thats in the sense of them adding foreigners nowadays to the groups, but the groups and their fans are still very much particular towards things like in 2024 i didnt expect idols dating to still be considered a scandal? whereas in the west they date who they want or idfk adult idols going out to clubs and drinking seem to surprise some folk. even the stuff in the media dont surprise me anymore cause it no a big deal to me at least. honestly with the way their fans behave online and irl towards idols theres one thing im glad abt and that is i will never have to deal with them or knetz lol.

its shame bc theres still so much kpop could bring to music but its so formatted and rigid or set in its ways of doing things. the other thing is they arent debuting older age idols who may have more life experiences and they may be more mentally prepared to handle such fans behaviours or they might have different style vocals and so on, so with that in mind im like its so awkward and horrible to even watch the way much younger idols get treated or mistreated, i should say, by their own fans and maybe by other adults that they work with.

other than whatever is mainstream there doesnt seem to be market for my age group anymore cause in kpop theyre debuting them too young and ik they always done that but it still feels weird to me to like a group whos 4/5/6 years younger than myself. id have loved an other group like btob or a smaller version of exo but nowadays it seems groups have nearly 30 smth members in them and they usually have to be quite young :/ if ateez had been my age it would seal the deal but i dont even care too deeply for them either its just once in awhile sort of thing i will like their songs why does it always have to be more than that?

like im no going to go doolally about every group nowadays either for this reason that my generation seems to be getting left out of a lot of things to do with kpop. like i honestly really feel old these days esp when i look at an idol and theyre like a 99liner or 00liner :O and kpop probs now considers 20 year olds too old as well :( fomo sets in too when u dont particularly care deeply abt dance challenges or latest internet fads cause i rather just like a group for their songs or their talent than their looks or their group position / personality whatever its called

lastly whoever date or marry bts i honestly feel so bad for them like they going to get so much media attention and their fans wont like it either so the internet will descend into more chaos when they marry if they arent already secretly married that is. it really sometimes often feels like the beatles but with the internet involved its 100x more crazy no matter the group it always has bunch of crazies who seem to twke it way too far

sorry for my long ramble

GUUUUUURRRRL please don’t be sorry for your long ramble. I had similar thoughts as you but I have come to terms with it, especially when I’m the same age as NCT 127 Jungwoo things in K-pop music has become less enjoyable too. Hence, I don’t know much about newer groups or groups outside of my interests ㅠ ㅠ

You also pointed out how fans can idolise their idols and drop them the next minute when they’re “wrong”, for example going to the club, dating, and having a life basically. I think all of this is the company’s fault. Take SM for example, I’m not comfortable in the direction that RIIZE is going with the booheju (girlfriend stan) stuff, but it’s what it makes money? Because of this, I’ve slowly detaching myself from them and only like their songs and I have one particular member that I like, he is Lee Sohee. I also like him because of his singing skill and that’s all.

Overall, I agree with you. Tbh it’s the parasocial relationship that is an issue. Some fans seeks comfort from their idol and the idol gives them that. However, often they forget that an idol job stops when they’re behind the camera. They have a life too. So, I’m with you on this too. I have started to like a group for their song and less about what is trendy or their looks and personality. Girl groups wise I’m into Aespa, NewJeans and BabyMonster. Their songs are right up my alley. Now, the younger idols debuting is a problem in it of itself. But this has happened way before in Kpop. Take Taemin for example, or NCT Dream Jisung. I think the main reason is that the younger they are, the easier to “manipulate” them or influence them. I guess if a company debuts someone above 25 years old, they’re going to have a hard time dealing with them because their pre-frontal cortex has developed.

that’s my easiest bet! 🤡

I’m also not Korean so I can’t say for certain this is true. However, I’m Asian. I realise Asian people put so much emphasis on good character. Because of this, idols are seen as role models and they are constantly judged and put on a pedestal. It’s kinda sad really. So, take Seunghan for example, whether his rumours are true or not. His scandal has been a huge part of his idol career and to some, it could look like there is no going back. In terms of fan wars, I think people on the internet are just bored or mean. Most fan wars started by some troll or a fan who likes to compare other idols. I don’t know much about fan wards but this is what I noticed. I’m pretty sure if BTS gets married, it is during the time of their life where they are not at their “prime”. That way is easier for them to be accepted by their fans and the South Korean. Take, Ryewook from Super Junior. He got married recently and the fans seem fine. But ofc, we can’t exclude the obsessive fans. I’m sure idols realise they have obsessive fans. In general, I’m pretty sure idols knows their consequences and downsides to being an idol. We as fans also have full control of our interests. The only thing becoming Westernised in kpop is the song and not the culture. 🤡

[moonshynecybin]

#he really does cut people out cold shoulder them with no discussion huh.... fascinating man......#invisible transgressions remembered forever at arms length#he is. i think. pathologically nonconfrontational. idk even with the sepang stuff.#like he doesnt look at marc AT ALL only performs to the press. same with argentina he sends uccio.... <- *eye* have a theory that vale on his factory settings is actually quite a desperate people-pleaser. not necessarily in a "i need others to approve of me" way (though that too) but in a "i need for others to cheer for me" (to try and explain what i mean better, he's not doing anything just to get the approval but he wants to feel approved/supported for whatever he's doing. different catalysts for action, same need). that's why he can play the crowd so well. and sepang - i think it was genuinely a protracted breakdown caused by vale realizing he's not superhuman anymore and his lead slipping and compounded by the anniversary of the worst loss he's suffered in his life

post about graziano here, jorge confrontation here

like the thing about vale is. well we dont personally know him. so outside of stuff people close to him tell us, we only see the side of him he wants to show the press, which is still him, just more of a performance, i think. its already been discussed AT LENGTHHH that he loves to do this sort of performance and is just. generally very good at being a celebrity. and i think its an extension of his PR deftness that when jorge comes at him he just laughs and looks at his audience. he ropes them into a private joke, like can you believe this guy? which jorge (who takes to confrontation like a duck to water) HATES so bad. its a very effective deflection tactic. fr the easiest way to seem like the bad guy is to treat an argument like it is worthy of your attention. so he meep-meep roadrunner court jesters his way through off track conflict for the majority of his career. and yes he makes enemies and they tell US that he is being cold and prickly and treating them differently. but crucially. he does not seem anything other than a Chill Dude in front of the cameras. until well. sepang lol.

so yes! i think he is invested in controlling these narratives and good at it to boot. but!!!! where it gets crazy is when you get to the personal arenas. like the people he loves that he is actually invested in. where his feelings are on the line fr.

like for other (professional) conflicts he gets over it!! but not with his dad and not with marc. and part of the marc stuff is the ego involved (theyre having a GOAT-off) and the professional stakes, as ive discussed. BUT. i think he doesnt get over these two because. well. because they really really hurt his feelings, i think. like he's said in the past that he's been able to get over the rivalries he has with other racers (like biaggi) bc they WERENT friends before so he didnt gaf when it got nasty. but. he still. REALLY cares with marc. (and of course with his parents divorce. like yeah that makes sense) so i actually think its very telling that he isnt over sepang. and that he didnt look at marc at all whenever they had their epic divorce moments (sepang press conference, postrace argentina 2018) rosquez would be less real if he could just move on lol. like it is a divorce to them both for REAL. so vale is going to handle it the same way he did with his parents and quietly cut marc out while making it. VERY clear. that marc is no longer one of the people that he holds within the select bubble that gets to see vale without all of his press trappings.

[bridgyrose]

Raven quietly watched Yang from the edge of the trees, making sure to keep out of sight as she normally did. A small smile crossed her lips as she realized how happy Yang would be, how safe she was. This was how it was all meant to be. For Yang to be happy and safe and for herself to be as far away as she could so she wouldnt hurt anyone. 

“You know you can talk to her.” 

Raven flinched as she heard Summer’s voice behind her. “You know I’m not good at this sort of thing. You’re better as her parent-” 

“And she is still your daughter even if you ran away from your family!” 

“You… you know why I left,” Raven squeaked out, moving behind a tree to stay out of sight of Yang. “Staying with them will only bring them pain and ruin, people will hunt them for me.” 

“After all these years, you really think you really think we’d let you handle your past alone?” Summer asked as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “You know we’ll be there to help no matter what. Doesnt matter if the tribe comes back, if its Ozpin, or if its anyone coming around to take those powers you inherited. We’re your team. You’re supposed to rely on us.” 

“Yes but…” Raven sighed and looked around the tree to watch Yang continue to play in the yard with Ruby and Qrow, her heart aching and fingers running down the bark of the tree she hid behind. “Tai wont accept me back.” 

Summer put a hand on Raven’s shoulder. “He was broken up when you left, but he’ll accept you when you come back. He wants nothing more than to have you back in his life.” 

“I’m sure he’s moved on by now.” 

“He hasnt. At least, not completely. The love he has for you, its never going to go away. I was there for him when you left, but that doesnt mean he stopped loving you. You can still come back to us.” 

Raven turned to look at Summer, only to look away as she tried to find the right words. The thought of coming back had always been at the back of her mind, but having left five years ago… would she really be accepted? “I-I… I couldnt-” 

“You can. Yang’s still young enough that she wont remember that you were gone. But Tai and I, as much as we’ve had our own anger about you leaving, we still love you. Please, come home to us.” 

Raven gave a small nod and took Summer’s hand. “You’re sure he’d want me back?” 

“I’m sure,” Summer reassured. 

Raven took a breath and slowly started to follow Summer to the cabin, each step felt like her feet were encased in lead. Her heart raced as she moved from the forest to the small garden that Tai had set up. She took a quick glance to find the first way out at the first sign of trouble, stopping as she heard Tai before seeing him step out of the cabin. 

“Raven?” Taiyang asked. “Is… is that really you?” 

Raven gave a nervous smile, ready to transform into her bird form to leave. “Yes. I uh… I’m back.” 

Her body tensed up as she watched Taiyang walk over, her breath hitched as she felt Taiyang pull her into a hug. A tear ran down her cheek as she listened to him speak once more, her arms wrapping around him. 

“Welcome home,” Taiyang said quietly. “I’m glad you’re back.” 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You said you were going to come back,” Raven said quietly to the grave sitting in front of her. “Always told me that I wasnt allowed to run away, but why did you have to?” 

Taiyang pulled Raven close. “I know it hurts, but we’ll see her again one day.” 

Raven wiped away a few tears from her eyes. “Easy for you to say. You’re the one who believes in an afterlife.” 

“We should get back home before the kids wake up.” 

“I’ll… I’ll be there soon. I need a few more moments.” 

Taiyang nodded and kissed her. “Dont be too long.”

Raven nodded and waited until she couldnt hear Taiyang’s footsteps anymore to walk over to the gravestone and kneel down in front of it. Even knowing that the grave was empty didnt seem to make her heart hurt less. It was still a promise that was made, a promise that was broken, and a wound that would never heal. She stood back up and took hold of the hilt of her sword, drawing the dust blade she preferred to use. As she closed her eyes, she focused on her bond with Summer and sliced through the air. 

The sound of a portal opening from her semblance caused her blood to freeze. She opened her eyes and stared at the portal in front of her. Her fingers shook as she let go of her blade, listening to it clatter on the ground. She let the portal close and took a step back from the grave as her mind reeled with the simple truth she had found. 

Summer was still alive. 

[idolomantises]

talking abt that one thing in velma thats on my mind a lot for the past few days (that turned into a big incoherent rambling about gay rep in media)

i'm seeing jokes about how the queer representation in mystery inc being so much better than the queer representation in velma and honestly it makes me want to go on a whole tangent about my thoughts on queer representation nowadays vs the more subtle examples decades prior.

There's this weird debate that goes on online about what is "good" queer representation, and one of the most notable and honestly annoying examples is that queer representation has to be so subtle that you could easily miss it/ignore it. i've always hated that take because its a claim mostly said by straight people who are uncomfortable with seeing characters who are openly queer and/or state their identity, but they present it as some sort of push for subtle and nuanced writing. personally i do prefer it when a character just, identifies as how they are without explaining their identity, but that doesn't mean flat out explaining your orientation is inherently bad representation. its why i will always defend the very clunky and awkward high guardian spice scene. it is absolutely poorly directed and written, but that doesn't make it "bad representation". however, I do consider the character who explains that he's trans bad representation because he is flat, uninteresting and very clearly a creator self insert. he doesn't feel like a well rounded character who's also a trans man, but just an incredibly sanitized example of trans representation.

i have many, many issues with helluva boss/hazbin hotel and i do genuinely find some depictions of queer characters just flat out offensive (you can argue with me about how angel dust being written like your average 90s gay stereotype is woke actually because he has trauma, i dont care), but i do admire and appreciate that the series doesn't want to sanitize its queer characters, even if its done poorly. though i could go into a whole rant about how i find it very telling that female characters that are queer are far less sexualized or allowed to be problematic compared to their queer male counterparts.

anyways back to velma. that show does something that i've always found pretty irritating in queer representation which is just this weird lack of faith in its audience. characters can't have a slow burn anymore. internalized thoughts, anger, frustration, longing. you have to immediately know that two characters are gay for each other, even if they're lifelong enemies. its like when modern horror movies open with the gore because they're scared people are going to be bored or leave early. there's no subtlety or chemistry between daphne and velma, they're just lovers because idk, its two girls who hate each other and who doesn't love that.

then i think about how mystery inc handled velma and her sexuality, how she was allowed to be well rounded and nuanced before you slowly realize that "oh, she doesn't like boys". i know her whole thing with shaggy is controversial among fans but i always loved how she does do something pretty unlikable but not immoral. yeah, it is shitty to force shaggy to choose between her and his dog, but i can understand her line of thinking and empathize with her. and i do like how they become friends in the end despite their awkward break up. It's always fun rewatching it and realizing that their incredibly awkward and cringe relationship was meant to be awkward and cringe. it was supposed to be weird and difficult to watch, because those two weren't meant to date each other. you could see how hard velma was trying to make the relationship work despite the fact that you never get the vibe that either character was full invested in it, unlike daphne and fred's relationship.

then you had velma and her relationship with marcie, which started off as sort of a catty rivalry (not full on attempted murder, i mean holy shit hbo velma) that slowly grows to where you're completely convinced that these two did gradually like each other. and i do really enjoy stuff like that, more subtle writing like that. which doesn't just apply to queer rep btw, my favorite ships are relationships that feel understated, something you have to really dig for and pay attention to. its why i consider bubbline the best f/f representation in cartoon. because its subtle, but not too subtle where it feels out of no where when they kiss, and nuanced in ways that enhances the relationship AND characters.

there's a good amount of relationships i see in cartoons where the creator, who is usually queer themselves, often wants to depict queer relationships, but is weirdly adverse to depicting the uglier aspects of that character, and refuses to add subtlety to it. steven universe is a show i've always felt conflicted on its handling of queer representation because on the one hand i appreciate writing lesbians that are messy, traumatized and make constant mistakes. but on the other hand, the show goes out of its way to ignore these issues and/or make excuses for it, making the decision to make these characters messy and complicated genuinely baffling (this is also one of the big issues i have with catradora and stolitz).

it makes me think back to my own work too. i really enjoy making fluffy, easily digestible gay content for my followers and myself because it puts me in a good headspace. But even now and then i like exploring those little nuances too, because i don't really enjoy stories with little conflict. Because of that acknowledgement of how satisfying it is to write fluffy, queer rep, you end up putting yourself in other creator's shoes. you're so used to media that either dehumanizes gay people or tells people that they don't exist that you push yourself to make the most in your face queer rep you can but its at the cost of an interesting and subtle characters. characters that don't really have arcs or places to learn and grow.

With bugtopia i made a joke about how i want some of my queer rep to feel like you're being queerbaited. It's not literal, obviously, but mixed in with characters who are already married and in same gender relationships, i really want to write dynamics that feel subtle enough for a bit of a slow burn. even if you know they're going to end up together, to at least value the characters on their own before centering them on their relationships. queerbaiting is something that deserves all the criticism it can get, but it is embarrassing when queerbaiting feels genuinely more interesting than actual queer rep because queerbaiting has that factor of "maybe they won't get together" that adds that bit of intrigue, vs so many shows that repeatedly hammer in your head "don't worry guys, they're gonna be lesbian lovers".

mystery inc (and many other shows) being forced to keep a relationship obvious while subtle to get through censorship really forced creators to be creative with their storytelling and not center characters around their relationship and identity. but nowadays i think shows like to take the easy way out. for me, i always thought the most impactful example of queer representation in steven universe is "Rose's Scabbard". I genuinely don't enjoy that episode because it's a good example of the show thinking that trauma is an excuse for shitty behavior, but i cant deny that an entire episode of pearl breaking down and finally accepting that she wasn't the center of rose's world. it's the crew being forced to be creative and push through censors to telling a compelling story about a traumatized lesbian slowly realizing that she basically deluded herself into thinking she was someone's savior.

I think it's silly to try to place good queer representation in one box. like subtle queer rep is good, but also queer rep where a character flat out states that their gay. where I think it falls apart is when it either reinforces stereotypes without properly deconstructing or expanding on them, makes the characters so overly kind and non-controversial that the relationship is just boring, or try to make your messy and complicated characters but the narrative refuses to hold them accountable or at least acknowledge that they're doing something wrong. and to clarify on that last part, i'm not asking for some hays code nonsense where every bad person goes to prison and/or promises to stop being a bad person again. i mean the narrative doesnt just fucking sugarcoat their behavior. i don't want to see helluva boss ignore the fact that stolas made blitzo call him out for only using him for sex and then pathetically rush to justify their relationship by giving them a bizarrely sanitized and sweet backstory. and i don't want to see catra literally end the fucking universe and only do something good because she's straight up out of options and the show just decides that that was her redemption and she doesn't need to do anything to atone for what she did (including repeatedly abusing and verbally berating adora).

anyways velma has none of those interesting qualities and i'm pretty sure daphne and velma kissed because the creator is a weird pervert who thinks two girls kissing is hot.

[ceasarslegion]

I know i have a lot of teenagers who follow me because i dont baby talk to them regarding things like drugs and alcohol and sex. So i wanted to throw out some advice that still saves my ass every day as an adult that i learned to instill in myself as a teenager:

-Learn how to keep house. I know that every adult is beating job skills into you right now and its overwhelming to say to least, but no matter what you end up doing with your life, you will need to know how to cook and clean and budget and go grocery shopping and do laundry and the dishes and x y z. You will need to know how to work with cleaning products like bleach safely and without creating mustard gas by accident. If you figure that out now, you will be able to take care of yourself for the rest of your life. Those are skills that you WILL need every day in the real world no matter what.

-i want to asterix the budgeting part. I know way too many grown adults who could be doing very well for themselves who are broke as shit and actively getting worse because they cant budget to save their lives. Managing your finances is what will often be the difference between living relatively comfortably and struggling to get by.

-dont get roommates if you can help it. I know you will want to, and it will seem like a fun idea to live with your friends and like nothing would go wrong, but roommates ruin friendships. If you can afford to live on your own when you first head out, do it. Trust me, paying the full rent is worth not having to deal with other peoples bullshit taking up your living space. I learned this the hard way, dont be like me. The only people you should be actively looking to live with at the young adult stage of your life are any permanent partner(s) that might come along the way, and you should rush that either. And taking some proper time to be on your own will do you so much good in the long run in realizing what kind of person you are and what you need in things like work, relationships, life in general, etc.

-you don't need a brand new car, and your first apartment doesnt need to be high end and fancy. All your firsts for those things need to be are functional, safe, and reliable. And you will love them regardless if theyre your first car/apartment. And you dont really NEED a car if youre an urbanite with a reliable enough transit system, either. Thats more of an individual thing if thats your situation. I live in an older apartment building with a stove from a brand that doesnt even exist anymore, but its real spacious for one person, in a nice part of downtown where everythings still right outside my door, and all my utilities are included. I pay 500 dollars less in rent a month for this than my coworker who lives 2 blocks away from me and has half the space i do with none of the utilities included because its all smart tech and luxury suites in that building. You don't need all that, you will not notice the difference when you actually live there.

-no one cares about high school tier drama when you hit your college years, especially if you go to an academically-based school. In my experience at least, the schools the nerds end up at think the d&d club is the coolest one on campus. This will pass, you will be fine. The nerds really do inherit the earth after you graduate, and all those bullies really do peak in high school. The guy who was the worst offender towards me in high school now literally pumps gas for his dads gas station because nobody else would hire him. Which is fine, its honest work, but it IS a tad ironic how things worked out there after so many years of telling me he'd be my boss one day. Yeah sure, howd that work out bud

-please dont get into drugs and alcohol just to be cool. I know every adult has treated you like some porcelain doll to be handled with baby gloves regarding any sort of substance, but if you choose to partake in them, all i ask is that you be informed about the risks, you do it safely, and dont do it for social clout. Its not the substances im most concerned about there, its that when you do them for social approval, you dont know when to stop or how to listen to your body telling you thats enough, which is a straight shot to a potential addiction. Its your choice whether or not to consume drugs and/or alcohol, but its irresponsible to act like theres no real risk involved in them, especially if you have the kind of personality more susceptible to addiction. Do them for yourself, in safe environments, as cleanly as you can get them if possible, and only after you educate yourself about what the risks are and what resources there are in your area for healthcare and counseling if you do develop an addiction.

-be selfish, but dont be a dick. Your young adulthood is when you should be selfish in the sense of prioritizing your own mental health, work ascension/schooling, etc, but you can do all those things without being standoffish or disregarding other people in the process. You should be there for your loved ones if you can, but if you cant, give them the common courtesy of telling them. A simple "hey, id love to help you if i could, but i have too much going on right now to spare anything. But im always here to talk about it if you need it, ily and im wishing you all the best <3" is way better than "i cant help you right now, i have my own problems to deal with."

[johndead]

On leaving and stuff

Hey yall, sorry for the cowabummer but I'm gonna be logging out I first started properly posting here like a year ago I think? I'd always been kinda embroiled in tumblr culture so it just sort of felt right, and I had a good fun time I'll be honest! But as of late Ive kind of realized that I dont think there's much here for me anymore. I've never really been able to handle fandom and the stress I feel just opening this tab can't be doing good things for me el oh el I'm not deleting my account or anything dramatic like that, just wont be posting anymore. I'm really thankful because a lot of the people here have made me feel very welcome and I've gotten some great memories (and even a best friend!) from showing up here, but i dont think i was meant to last here if you'll excuse the pretentious phrasing I may come back temporarily for certain events? the only one i can think of is a-mag-a-day coming back and probably jon sims and cats day but we shall see I suppose I'll certainly still be active on instagram at the handle @_johndead._ , but the tumblr factory is shutting down for me fellas love you crazy fellers and goodbye ! have a lovely morning/afternoon/night memories family guy cover

[ganondoodle]

fuck it, elden ring DLC rant (spoilers) (long post ... oh dear)

so, to start this- this is a very emotional reaction, so take everything with a ton of salT (i need to get this out of my system bc i need to go and do stuff today, i literally couldnt get much more than 3 hours of sleep bc my mind was racing) i only know two screenshots and what others have told me (thank you) so i might be missing more context and havent seen or read it myself

(more details and spoilers for the DLC below the read more thingy)

also, just to explain a bit, i dont usually get this upset about things i like, i like alot of things, but its RARE as fuck that i care, like actually care care about something, and that just kinda happens, i dont choose it or can decide to not care, i just do, and when something like this happens its like ... a sort of grief? i cant help but care about it but it messes with me emotionally, i have no control over it and cant change anything about it when it gets bad or done dirty, leavign me to just have to watch it be real even when i dont want to accept it-- i wouldnt say so much that i 'expect' somethign specific and cant handle when its not like that (common accusation about disliking totk)- and no i dont have somethign specific in mind, i just dont want it to be bad OR things that seem done and closed off suddendly out of nowhere be revealed to 'actually' have been like this, new stuff that either makes no sense or invalidates alot about what i valued about it, what i thought was the point

(i remember two .. my only two other intersts before- see what i mean RARE- that also went down simiarly like this; transformers (bay movies and mainly prime series, listen i didnt choose it either) with each movie it got more messy and stupid, primes second(?) season had an end i hated and the following movie was the final nail in the coffin- and one piece after that, which i slowly fell out of love with bc every chapter seemed to go more into a direction i didnt like, then the reveal that luffy is a god actually was my final ok i hate that moment)

i knew demise for a long time but wasnt obsessed about him at all, it took me learning about how hylia was depicted in a non canon (?) manga (which made me annoyed me bc i didnt like it and made a design for her to counter demises instead) and then reading his few lines of dialog about her again that it suddendly HIT me, like cupids arrow into my head-- i liked but wasnt that super interested into elden ring until radahn showed up, instantly his design made me go owo and then learning his (base game) lore it HIT me (i love sort of tragic side characters that might have been powerful or heroic at some point but now arent anymore- not saying he is that elden rings lore i messy and no ones good tm- and especially so if that character is widely hated for no good reason, dismissed or forgotten, has little lore etc)

i have things i like but dont care this much about, like okami or bloodborne, i like it alot, theres characters i really like (oki) but im not like, fixated on them?- and to have two at the same time, while not equally strong, i dont think i had before, and then have both be damaged or potentially lose it in a similar way within barely a year hurts so damn much--- anyway, getting into the actual rant now lol

so, to sum things up (that i know), in the elden ring DLC later on

miquella is actually a master manipulator and brainwasher (even to his sister???? which means alot of impactful things about his relationship to people is kinda invalidated or made meaningless, shitty)

he wanted to become a god by marrying radahn (his half? brother, same father) of all people that has never been mentioned before until now somehow?? ) you can argue it was hinted to but i find it completely out of left field

miquella sent malenia after radahn to kill him so he could be put into the realm of shadow so miquella could marry him (there were better candidates for that??)- its unclear (to me) if radahn ever actually accepted when sound of mind or even knew about it at all, but failed and he was isntead inflicted with rot to slowly waste away but not die (like he is in base game)

which also means that, what i found really impactful in base game, the festival of radahn, that i thought was a tragic sort of last wish/effort for of radahn to grant him an honorable death as a respected general after being made into mindless people eating zombie, organized by his soldiers/friends- might have been just yet another attempt to kill him and get him over there to miquella (and even if not, it still makes it way less impactful and now i feel like letting him continue to roam as a zombie is more of a favor than killing him bc hes just gonna a puppet again! which turns the whole tradgedy of the stuff in base game on its head imo)

you need to kill him to get into the DLC (and i was even sus of that but shrugged it off when i heard it ..) bc that way miquella could take whatever was left of his soul and stitch it into mohgs corpse?? (which is why hes so small in that DLC fight) bc his body was rotten by that point, which also allowed miquella to control radahn and make him agree, force him to do whatever miq wanted (which ALSO might mean mohg 'kidnapping' miquella wasnt that actually but mohg too was manipulated so oud kill him and make his remains usable)

radahn in DLC is a voiceless meat puppet essentially ... like a mindless rotting zombie eating friends and fow alike wasnt enough- also means that we never ACTUALLY GET OT KNOW RADAHN HIMSELF bc hes eithe a zombie or a literal puppet (if you are gonna do him dirty at least let us meet actual real him *cries*)

his fight is super hard apparently (though i have been hearing people complain about the entire DLC being too hard, while the -casual player- streamer i watched is beating main bosses so fast they dont even get to start their second phase) when his fight in base game, and him by extentsion, was also hated bc of that ALREADY, which means more people are gonna hate his guts (he doesnt deserve that!!) AND most people probably wont get or care that its not actually HIM him so its like a repeat boss that everyone hates

it feels weirldy forced in for it to be radahn (like miquella was already said to be one of the strongest gods out there .. why hed want radahn so badly when his goal seemed to be rather .. combat less?? if you get what i mean, and radahn also rejected him??? and the tarnished is right there too????) bc theres plenty others it would have worked with that are barely used- it feels like someone jsut wanting him to be tha main guy not matter what (when he worked so much better as a side character!!!!)

a tragic but well rounded off side character (imo) was made into the main guy this is all about actually tm (i generally dont like main guys and this jsut feels so .... it just hurts, it didnt feel foreshadowed at all, and its not even truly HIM that is reveal to be a creepy asshat but hes just manipulated and controlled with the whole time, be it by rot or miquella)

and for miquella its like, no theres no even mildly good people there, hes brainwashed and manipulated everyone actually tm, a giant plan all to force his half brother into marrying him by making him into a corpse puppet bc he rejected miquella- inlcuding potentially manipulating his own twin sister, which goes agaisnt what you learn of what hes done for her in the base game i think?? (not that much into that part but yeah ... it feels unfair to her too)

it also kinda just leaves other lore from the base game in the dust? like the whole haligtree plan, how miquella cared for the rejected (i guess he didnt then??? and it was just more manipulation tm??) that castle with the eclipse stuff

(is the gloom eyes queen, marika, and or st trina even .. important at all to any of this??)

ok from reading tweets from people talkign about it, miquella says radahn agreed apparently but whether thats true remains uncertain and given the circumstances i do not think radahn did- others said that it kinda sounds he agreed to something that he didnt think would involve him marrying miquella

everything feels like its in shambles for every fan of every involved chaarcter

yes i know you can argue that it was all planned from the start and meant to be a twist and everything and that people having a different idea of characters isnt the fault of the creators .... only to some degree bc why then build up make so much lore and story about stuff that turns out to be like saying 'actually it was all a lie' like its not valid to feel betrayed then, you can plan things out all you want but that doesnt mean it cant be bad oder underwhelming

(i wished to be able to meet or know more about radahn but like in a non rot way or like past flashback whatever kind of way and then not like this anyway, like i was interested into his relationship with jerren and just .. more about him i suppose the monkey paw has curled hasnt it -or however you say that-)

and there i was like two days ago going "omg radahn mention!!!" when that one .. feyja? NPC says she fought alongside him at some point ............................................................

leonard isnt there in the DLC to my knowledge, you know it cant be truly radahn if his horse isnt there (the sole reason he learned gravitiy magic for and it stayed with him even after the rot!!! i know people have started to hate it bc people love that but i love that, it made him so endearing to me, like a character i already found cool omg has a confirmed softer spot??? in MY fromsoftware title??)

sorry for the long post of rambling, i am a mess, barely slept 3 hours, yes i am weird to care, autisms or whatever .. i need to go somewhere in an hour and havent prepared as all bc i needed my thoughts out of my head- might have forgotten stuff, idk if i will add it later or just kinda .. stew in it for a while

(and yes a big point why i feel so strongly is both bc its just gonna make more people hate him even more AND feels so invalidating of alot of other stuff- pulls other characters down with it- the entire time i was watching the streams i and trailers i thought i was like, its onw thing, with miquellas littel adventure and more background info on marika mostly on its own from the base game BUT NO I GUESS)

(read all this in the sense of an utteraly disoriented confused and drunken seagull yelling around pls i am not in serious mental distress ..)

[tht0nesimp]

ANYTHING WITH YANDERE BRUCE YAMADA I BEG 🙇‍♀️

TAKE UR TIME BTW <333

Tee hee I’m in my fall girl era tw: He’s soft and fluffy but might throttle your throat, isolation, insecurities(?), golden boy, 70s-80s

“What do you mean?” He tilts his head to the left like a kitten, “I mean…I just think we should spend a bit more time apart!” You love him—truly, you adore him— but it’s getting to be too much for you

The constant snuggling, Hand holding, social events, parties, sport games, and every other activity he insists you participate in is wearing you out. So after a few months of the never ending behaviors, you just had to tell him it needed to stop now because you can’t handle it anymore

“I guess we can cut out every Wednesday dates…keep Friday dates…” he plans as if you weren’t even there “And I guess you don’t have to go to EVERY soccer practice, but I want you at the games!” He gives that golden smile and pushes a tuft of hair out of your face with his gentle touch—he was always warm, making him amazing to touch— his smile was a bit more accomplished than normal

You huffed, slightly offended he didn’t even ask about your opinion on the subject before deciding what was going to change. “I guess that works, but for me being such a great girlfriend…maybe we could go to some special fall event?” Bruce smiles “I’ll figure it out, baby, don’t worry!” “Thank you, golden boy~“ Bruce smirks at your teasing and pokes you in the side, resulting in a giggle from you and a chuckle from Bruce. “Your welcome, Golden girl!” His typical bubbly personality was back in a flash, he always seemed to know how to fix things

he was so perfect, god were you lucky to have such a cute boy like you. Even if he was a bit much—even if he coerces forces you into coming to everything he does— sometimes you just couldn’t help but get frustrated, but that’s okay, because Bruce is always ready to help sort things out

You dont really mind him taking the lead in your relationship because you were never too great at social situations. And anytime you feel like people only wanna be around you to get to bruce he's always there to assure you that you'll always have him

But is that really a good thing? so you try not to think about it too much, you just think about what your going to wear to wherever he ends up taking you. He always liked you in green because it was his teams color

You continue to contemplate it as you walk back home, ignoring the way bruce glares at a boy who looks at you for a bit too long, ignoring the way his grip gets just a bit tighter around your hand

He was perfect, and out of your league, but you managed to end up with him and in the end, thats all that matters to you to him.

[aeryssickfics]

any thoughts on boothill from hsr?

i dont know a lot of hsr writers in the community so sorry for the really unusual ask

but i WILL find a way to make that man suffer 😭 i mean he swallows bullets?? but like what if he COULD actually eat, just a couple things are missing since hes like,, mostly made of metal.

grr hoyo had to make the silliest characters impossible to whump

I have given him next to no thought because I am a very lore-attached person. I won't decide if I care about him or not until we meet him, being totally honest lmao.

That in mind tho, let's talk Boothill!

First of all, I think there's a lot of whump potential IN the fact that he's mostly metal- like. He can't do a lot of things, anymore. He's not human anymore and there's a ton of ... space there. Like phantom nerve pain for limbs that dont exist, lost chances/experiences/etc. There's a ton of potential there! It's not necessarily sickfic, but that doesn't mean it's not Interesting!

On the other hand, if fandom can smut him up one side and down the other im SURE we can come up with something for like. Sickfic.

Most viable option would be as you mentioned, like, he's mostly metal but there's more human than we think Inside of that casing. Maybe some of the organs are delicate, probably he gets most of his sustenance in non-traditional ways, but lets say he really gets a hankering for an old favorite and learns the hard way that what's left of his body Cant Handle It anymore- or he gets a virus that he genuinely thought he'd be immune to because like. Hello, Im more metal than person- and it's absolutely miserable-and dangerous to boot (ha. ha. ha.) because of how little of him is left!

The second thing that comes to mind is that they deliberately created/preserved as much "humanity" as possible in creating him (unlikely given he doesn't have even a skin-like covering over most of the metal but stay with me) and thus he functionally can actually. You can be handwavy- but things go wrong with this. It's tech. if youve messed with tech for any length of time you know things can go wonky in unexpected ways. Especially since like! boothill fights, he's taking hits and being knocked around, things go whack fast in that kind of environment.

A additional viable options would be aus where he's not basically all metal or setting it before he got all the metal augmentation/replacement... etc.

I DO think that Boothill would be the sort of person who believed that now, now that he's mostly metal he's invincible and be knocked down several pegs in finding out that that's. Just not true.

[left4deadstuck]

You bite your lower lip. You don't think being straight to the point with Karkat would be a good idea… Though you considered it heavily before ultimately choosing to go with an apology.

Okay… Here it comes.

Dave: hey. Dave: im… sorry Dave: im sorry man

Your voice is quiet. Maybe too quiet, making you think the other didn't hear you. So you look up to glance at the other.

Dave: genuinely i Dave: i didnt think wed see each other like

You don’t get the chance to finish before he raises his hand to cut you off.

Karkat: YOU KNOW IF I WANTED TO WATCH SOMEONE VOMIT THE FLIMSIEST APOLOGY KNOWN TO MAN, I'D GO OUTSIDE AND WATCH ONE OF THE INFECTED ASSHOLES OUT THERE THROW UP THEIR GUTS ONTO THE PAVEMENT. Karkat: AND IT WOULD STILL BE A BETTER "SORRY" THAN ANYTHING YOUR BATTER BRAINED SKULL COULD CONJURE UP RIGHT NOW. Karkat: SO SAVE US BOTH THE EMBARRASSMENT AND SHUT UP FOR GODSAKES

You scowl, back straightening. Goddamnit now you remember. Remember how much of a crabby jackass he is.

Dave: oh Dave: because sitting in the dark while silently death glaring at each other is productive Dave: cause we got all the time in the world to just kick back and do absolutely nothing but seethe at each other Dave: not like i was trying t

Karkat: TO DO WHAT EXACTLY? BE REMORSEFUL? BE ACTUALLY APOLOGETIC WITH NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE DESPITE KNOWING I CAN BE OF USE TO YOU? Karkat: DO YOU HONESTLY TAKE ME FOR SOME KIND OF FUCKING IDIOT?! Karkat: THAT I WOULD EVEN HUMOR THE IDEA THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY SORRY?!! Karkat: THAT I'LL JUST TOSS MY RESENTMENT AND FRUSTRATION OUT INTO THE ATMOSPHERE BECAUSE POOR OL' STRIDER IS JUST A PATHETIC LUMP OF BRUISES! Karkat: *FAT FUCKING CHANCE.* Karkat: YOU COULD BE FOLDED INTO THE MOST DISGUSTING AND AGONIZING EXAMPLE OF HUMAN ORIGAMI AND I'D STILL BE "SEETHING" Karkat: SO YEAH, *I’M SORRY* THAT I DECIDED NOT TO WASTE MY TIME AND ENERGY HEARING YOUR LOUSY ATTEMPT AT A HEART TO HEART

Dave: … Dave: sigh

Once upon a time Jade had asked you and your mutual group of friends to test out the latest version of her new project. A mental inventory system that had a very convoluted retrieval and sorting system. Luckily her team was quick to fix that after your group’s trials with it.

Jade never really told you exactly why, but you always speculated that some people on her team, or well, someone, didn’t really trust your legitimacy enough when signing your NDA. Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised you though, after all you have made a name for yourself with your bizarre level of spectacles you do for the sake of irony.

It did not thrill you to find out the next morning that you would now deal with the living embodiment of “stick up the ass” as your personal bodyguard for however long the trial had to last for. Despite your best efforts to get rid of the guy, you’ve quickly learned a few things about Mr. Vantas here. One of those things being that he is skeptical and stubborn to a fault.

Well, there it goes, your plans being haplessly thrown out the window! Poor sons of bitches didn’t even have a chance-

You hear a snap next to your ear

Karkat: JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU STOP MUMBLING TO YOURSELF FOR A SECOND AND PAY ATTENTION

Dave: what Dave: you have another drawn out monologue about how god awful i am? Dave: are you sure your throat can handle that shakespeare Dave: ya dont exactly have the voice for stage anymore with all that smoke Dave: but lets be real here Dave: its probably a good thing that you cant blow out anyone within a 10 ft radius of you eardrums anymore because you decided to make causal conversation

Karkat: YOU MOUTHY FUCKING PRICK- Karkat: CAN YOU DO THE WORLD Karkat: AND ME ESPECIALLY Karkat: A FUCKING FAVOR TO SHOVE WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU HAVE IN YOUR WINDPIPE AND FUCKING LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO TELL YOU FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS

Dave: ok sir ill be on my best behavior for "five fucking seconds"

Karkat:THANK YOU, GODDAMN. Karkat: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO JUST KICK YOUR USELESS ASSES OUT OF MY HOUSE, I DON’T THINK I’LL BE ABLE TO SURVIVE A FIGHT BETWEEN YOUR POTENTIALLY TRIGGER HAPPY HELLSPAWN. Karkat: AND ALTHOUGH I THINK IT’S WITHIN MY RIGHT TO FEEL THIS LEVEL OF BRIGHT HOT ANGER TOWARDS ALL OF YOU… Karkat: SIGHS … I

He looks up at the ceiling as if his next few words are the greatest offense that any higher power could have subjected him to utter.

Karkat: (GOD I MUST BE MORE SICK THAN I THOUGHT.) Karkat: I, FOR SOME REASON THAT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE SEEING AS I HAVE DEALT WITH ENOUGH OF YOUR TOTAL TRASH FIRE OF A PREDICAMENT, BUT HERE I AM EVER THE GLUTTON FOR MORE SELF-INFLICTED MISERY

Dave: yeah yeah i get it Dave: im a dick get to the point

Karkat: I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE, YOU COMPLETE JACKASS!

Karkat: AND I HATE THAT CAUSE THAT RISKS MY LIFE FOR SOMEONE I ABSOLUTELY DON'T OWE SHIT TO, BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TRY TO THINK OF A REASON TO JUSTIFY IT TO MYSELF I CAN’T. Karkat: I CAN'T LIVE EASY KNOWING THAT IF SOMEONE DIED, EVEN IF THAT SOMEONE IS FUCKING YOU...I Karkat: I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN SURVIVORS GUILT YOU YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

Dave: oh Dave: uh Dave:th Karkat: NO SHUT THE FUCK UP Karkat: FUCKING Karkat: NO!

Karkat: HAVING A SENSE OF COMPASSION STILL DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT IT’S EITHER I HELP OR I DIE. Karkat: DON’T TAKE THE FACT THAT I SOMEHOW STILL HAVE MY MORALS INTACT AS FLATTERY. Karkat: INSTEAD BURY THAT IDEA SO FAR IN THE WORTHLESS SLUDGE YOU CALL A THOUGHT PROCESS UNTIL IT ATOMIZES INTO NONEXISTEN-!

He must've worked himself up. You watch him as he moves out of your space to turn and hack up a cloud of smoke. Well, if this isn’t just the perfect time to digest the clusterfuck he has given you. While it is great that he is going to help you out, he’s doing it out of fear and as fuck up as it is, it’s an advantage you have over him.

Though is it a good idea to go along with that? That could risk him fucking you all over and abandoning all of you last minute. You could gain his trust, maybe offer him something that he might want, but even then what would you give him, you have no clue if you have anything to offer him, not to mention that again, he could still just ditch the plan when the opportunity shows up.

What are you going to do?

===> AUDIENCE

[thetrashywritingwitch]

Its 11pm I'm eating leftover chips and queso for dinner and imma just... here

There was that adult nerd streamer Katsuki from @willowser who is just chills in Kaminari's streams as a friend when they play but he doesnt stream himself, no social media presence, no name, just makes snarky comments in the group discord and leaves

Well you know how u can have twitch synced with discord so discord shows when you're playing a game etc? And you just stream for fun on the rare occasion you want company but you maybe have like 50 followers and chat is mostly dead and it's always the same like three or four people cycling through your twitch chat as you play

Now, Subnautica isnt really a horror game... but it can be spooky as all fuck and it's got some good jump scares. One of which made me shit my pants when I played bc I'm an oblivious fuck trying to ignore warning signs and just scoot in the water with my little water car thing

And this sneaky fucker Bakugo has seen you reply to his comments on discord, he gets the @ pings. And he sees you're playing a spooky-ish game and on a whim searches up the game on twitch and sorts by lowest viewers.

And of fucking course your discord name is the exact same as your twitch handle. And mr. Smartass just hops into your twitch chat

"Ok sooooo we are just going to ignore the uh, roaring noises... dont like those. Unimportant. We gotta find some gold I think..."

And his twitch handle is known bc tons of people watch Kaminari's stream and see his friends names and they all follow each other on twitch despite Katsuki never streaming himself. And everyone in your chat recognizes him as he just

:find any scary fish yet?

Ofc you're distracted because how the *fuck* did he find your twitch?! The discord connection just doesnt pop into your brain as you flip between the game and not ramming your seatruck into a rock wall and the chat.

And the distraction and his presence in chat is perfectly timed with your seatruck being snatched by some giant nasty mandibles and THISBFUCKER fills your screen

Under the cut for kinda subnautica spoilers

This nasty bitch right here. Hate this fish. Anyway you fucking scream and pause the game and nearly tip over your chair bc this fishy shit shakes your dinky little submarine like a dog ripping the stuffing out of a toy.

And the chat is keysmashing and posting laughing emotes bc you arent even at your desk anymore but the mic still picks up the "jesus FUCKING CHRIST what the FUCK gooood I haaaaaaate it..."

And on Katsuki's end, he's choking on his drink and cant remember the last time he laughed so damn hard and the timing and everything. It was the perfect moment for a twitch clip to immortalize it. He knows Kaminari's humor and his stupid jokes. Knows what to expect, but the genuine jumoscare moment as your mic peaked... honestly a twitch highlight for him.

After that he tunes into your streams when he can, sometimes silently so you never know he's there. Other times he speaks up in chat to link that clip and comment on in-game happenings. But your forever embarrassed bc damn what a first impression... but the stupid fucking fish was about 2% less scary after that so long as you know he's watching