#but i have an exam resit to study for so that day is not today

[the-nefarious-vampire]

one of these days i swear i am going to make a character analysis for the cat across the whole series

[marylynbirds]

My journey studying with Autism (higher education)

Not sure if this is going to help anyone, but I wanted to share some of my experiences studying with autism (in the Netherlands specifically). I guess I just want to show, even though I'm doing well academically now, there is more to that than just being smart, I had to grow a lot before getting where I am today. Buckle up; it's a long one. (disclaimer after writing: it doesn't focus a lot on autism explicitly, but it definitely had a lot of influence)

tl;dr: I had a number of struggles, made some decisions, and am doing better now! First, some context: in the Netherlands, there are several forms of higher education; the ones that are important in my story are Universities of Applied Sciences (or: Higher professional education. HBO in Dutch) and Research Universities (WO in Dutch). As the name implies, a WO focuses on research, thinking analytically and critically. It has higher entry requirements than HBO. It has a relatively high teaching speed and requires a lot of self-study; in general, it is considered a lot harder than HBO. Study programs at an HBO are more practical, and your future profession is a lot clearer from the start (the programs are more specific), and there is more supervision (and, in my experience, group work, though this may vary).

Without getting too much into the Dutch educational system: I followed the 6-year program that would allow me to go to a WO immediately after high school (at the age of 18). I chose to study history and then do a masters to become a high school history teacher. I also started a part-time job in September. I had to travel for a little over an hour to get to class. And... I had no idea I have autism.

year 1

I loved it. I loved the academic environment, learning all the new things, and going to classes. At first, things seemed great! Until exams came around. Even though I had been making my homework passionately, I didn't pass any of the three exams. (Do note that I had to pass 9 out of 12 courses to be allowed to stay in the program, so missing the first 3 already was a big deal). The student councillor wasn't too worried. He told me to follow a course on study skills (which helped a lot! I do recommend looking into the resources your school offers, I paid maybe 5 euros for 6 sessions of coaching). And he told me that if I was worried about the 9 out of 12 rule (BSA for those familiar with the system), I could unenroll before February and try again next year. Even though my study skills improved, I didn't have enough time to apply them in the second block, so I also failed those 3 exams (and the resits). I also felt like I needed a break, I was so tired and decided to do as the student councillor had advised: I unenrolled before the start of the 2nd semester.

year 2

I spent the next semester putting in a few more hours at that part-time job I mentioned earlier and even got more responsibilities over the summer. I also decided I wanted to move out and live in the city where I was also studying; it'd save me about 3-4 hours of travelling every day. I moved into a little studio that summer. I kept my job in the town I came from. The first semester went by pretty smoothly! I failed 2 classes but was probably able to pass them during resits. I was tired a lot and spent more time on the part-time job than I wanted, so I quit (maybe the semester didn't go by as smoothly as I remember, lol). The second semester started in February 2020, and a few weeks in, we went into lockdown. Tbh, the combination of having quit my job and having no obligations besides doing my homework and showing up for online classes was great. It allowed me to rest and focus on my studies (which I was still quite passionate about). (I know a lot of people had a terrible time during lockdowns and had very negative experiences due to covid. I count myself lucky that I didn't). I passed all my classes that year and moved on to the second year (out of three).

year 3

I was doing a lot better at this point. I felt capable and even became a student mentor for the upcoming first years (I had to show them around the campus once and just be available to answer basic questions. Because of covid, we had a weekly check-in online).

I also moved to a bigger studio during the first term, it was hectic, but I managed to write the two essays that needed to get done and passed both with a good grade. HOWEVER. My mother had gotten slightly concerned and started wondering if maybe I had autism (like my 2 brothers and both my parents...)(for context: my mother is a kind of social worker who specialised in autism, so she was making a VERY educated guess) because little things seemed to stress me out much more than is considered 'normal'. The second term was terrible. I had no idea how I was supposed to write my essay, and the teaching style did not at all match my study style. I spoke to the student councillor again and cut down on the workload. At the end of the first semester, I was put on a waitlist to get a diagnosis, and I also applied for additional financial help because I was not able to have a job while studying (because of the suspected autism). During the second semester, things went downhill quite quickly. I was tired and had lost motivation. In April, I decided I would switch study programs and go to an HBO after the summer and follow the English teacher program there.

Year 4

Things were very different at HBO. I actually felt like I was back in high school. My co-students seemed to have much less discipline than me, and most were a few years younger. I am fairly certain that people thought of me as a teacher's pet (which I am, tbh) and possibly a bit arrogant because I was not shy in letting people know I knew the answer. I quickly noticed I had a big advantage in multiple facets: study skills, self-discovery, English proficiency (my history courses were all in English) and history (specifically British and USA). This allowed me to focus my energy on other things: such as adjusting to the new social situation, my new relationship (I met him at the teaching program, lol) and getting a diagnosis. I passed all my courses in one try, except my speaking exam (pronunciation is my weak spot, I passed the resit). I didn't have time for a job or a lot of extracurriculars, but I managed to get through the year pretty well with good grades. I also was officially diagnosed at the start of the second semester. year 5

This was the past year. It was tough, but again, I managed to get through the year with good grades. Do I think I could keep up a full-time job as a teacher? Maybe not the best idea if I also want to have a social life. But I feel like I am getting the hang of things and am getting more aware of my needs (especially in relation to my autism). I did experience a lot of stress the past few weeks as I had to finish a few reports and am looking for ways to get help with reports I have difficulty with. Making the decision to go from WO to HBO was quite scary. It was not what I had in mind, and it'd mean adding a whole lot of years to my student debt (we actually have an okay system here). During this year, I was actually able to have part of my student debt erased, so that was a big relief. Idk how many of you will make it to this point of the post. And I don't know if any of you got any wiser from reading about my experiences. I hope it gave you some hope that not everything has to be perfect from the start. It took me some time to find out what was best for me; it's okay if you need more time. Anyway, I might make a post about what it is like to study with autism. If you have any questions about: - studying in the Netherlands (with or without autism) - picking between WO or HBO - what regulations I applied for to get additional funding and have part of my student debt erased (these are regulations for Dutch students with disabilities, not just autism) - or anything else you think I might be able to say something useful about feel free to leave a comment! (I am fluent in Dutch, so if that's easier for you, that's fine!)

[nature-played-a-trick-on-me]

Part of me wants to take the exam tomorrow but I'm unable to study and yesterday I fell asleep for 6 hours in the middle of the day and today I've been up for 2 hours and already want to go back to bed. Absolutely wiped out. Feeling guilty for thinking about doing the resit but realistically I've not been well for months and doing anything takes monumental effort, and having sorted through objects from a genuinely traumatic time when also having ptsd, it doesn't seem so lazy anymore to decide to take the exam at a later date where I'm NOT mentally in 2016-2017 and not physically being dragged to the ground by triple gravity

[rosesbxrry]

𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐮𝐬𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐞

𝔼𝕟𝕙𝕪𝕡𝕖𝕟 𝕧𝕒𝕞𝕡𝕚𝕣𝕖 𝔸𝕌 𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕤

You really didn’t want to come to the party that Jay threw in his mansion. Not because you have not started studying for the upcoming calculus exam, but your ex-boyfriend would definitely be there since they are in the same circle of friends. Avoiding him throughout the party was harder than you thought but you stood there, wide eyes, staring at Heeseung with blood on his mouth and hands.

Pairing: Heeseung X Fem! human Reader

Genre: Smut 🔞 (Minors DNI), slight angst, slight fluff, exes to lovers 

Warnings: mention of blood, kidnapping, very heavy alcohol consumption, lots of profanity and cursing, smut warnings under the read more

Word count: 13,708 words

Series masterlist

Smut warnings: lots of sexual tension, Heeseung being somewhat a soft dom, oral (male receiving), dry humping, dacryphilia, praising (female receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, Heeseung being sexual frustrated and horny as heck, reader being Heeseung’s greatest weakness, hopefully I didn’t miss out anything else. 

Author’s note: It would be better to read Jungwon’s installment first since there will be references to that. 

You refuse to believe that vampires are real.

For God sake it was the only thing people were talking about among the students lately. Ryujin and Winter seemed very engrossed on the topic as they chewed on their lunch.

In contrast, you were very stressed out. People are busy worrying and being afraid of the supernatural while you are in a dilemma about a real life crisis.

Math was not your strong skill, especially when calculus is involved. Failing the upcoming exam, to you, is way scarier than a fictional myth that was spread for shits and giggles.

“Are you even listening, y/n?”

“Hmm.”

Ryujin and Winter glance at each other as they anxiously stare at you picking on the mac and cheese with a fork, an obvious frown on your lips. Winter signals something to Ryujin with her eyes, in which the latter nodded, leaning into you closer.

Ryujin gives you a reassuring smile. “Hey, don’t worry about the exam okay? Look at the bright side! You can always retake it―ouch!”

Ryujin let out a yelp of pain when Winter kicked her in the shin under the table, a death glare evident towards the blonde who was clueless towards what she had done.

You groan as you lay your head against the table, ruffling your hair in frustration. How were you supposed to pass this exam with such little time? Was this your punishment for the lack of time management that you slipped past the fact that you had an exam in four days?

Maybe Ryujin’s right for once. At least if you retake it, you’ll have enough time to study harder. But that means paying to do the resit, which, as a broke college student, was not an option as well.

“Umm…you don’t really have to go to the party, you know?” Winter reassured, patting you on the head for comfort.

“No, no, I promise I’ll go. We’ve been planning to go right? I just can’t back out now.” You said, blowing on the piece of hair blocking your view as you sat up from your seat.

“If you say so. Oh yeah, one more thing I need to tell you―” Winter spoke out before you cut her off.

“Oh shit, I forgot!” You exclaimed hurriedly to them while you packed your stuff, stacking up trash and the plate of untouched mac and cheese on your food plate.

How can you forget that you had to meet with professor Baek today about an assignment? Things were not going great for you this week.

“I’m sorry I have to go! I’ll see you guys later for the party!”

With one hand hugging your stack of books while the other balancing the food tray, you juggle the two as you walk-off the table to put the tray away.

You turn to a corner only to bump into a group of guys, particularly the person in front of you.

Thankfully you didn’t fall and the fact that the guy held onto the food tray before it got knocked down gave you a sense of relief. Well, until you realize the bowl of mac and cheese has toppled over the edge and onto the guy’s shirt.

You cringe out of embarrassment, cursing at how the world was against you at this time and moment.

“Shit!—I’m sorry, I—”

The moment you lock eyes with a familiar pair of doe eyes, you wish to crawl into a hole and never come out of it. Someone please save you from the humiliations and make you disappear from the Earth’s surface because you had just bump into your ex-boyfriend, Lee Heeseung.

And you spilled mac and cheese all over his shirt.

Horrified? It does not even come close to describing how you feel right now. With mouth agape and dumbfounded by the situation, you were frozen from your spot and you couldn’t think of a word to say right now.

Your fight and flight response kicks in and just like any other embarrassed person, your flight response takes over.

The moment pass by like a lighting strike and you found yourself literally running out of the cafeteria door. 

You didn’t take in Heeseung or he’s group of friend’s reactions. They were probably as embarrassed as you are. 

You can’t believe you left him hanging there with your food tray still on his hand, mac and cheese attached to his shirt.

By the time you’ve arrived at professor Baek’s office room, you were as red as a tomato while reassuring him that the cause of it was due to the summer’s heat. 

Heeseung casually walked over to where Jay, Jake and Sunghoon’s table were, having come out of the washroom to clean his shirt after the mac and cheese situation. 

Jay looked over and pointed at his damp shirt. “That’s gonna stain.”

“Dude, seriously, you knew she was at the corner. Why did you let her bump into you?” Jake questioned, chewing down on his sandwich, though he grimaced slightly after swallowing it.

It was all an act. Human food was not necessarily a bad thing for a vampire. But their body will reject it and the boys find it not as appetizing anymore compared to when they were human, except for Jay, who was born a vampire and had never enjoyed human food to begin with. 

“She literally went hit and run on us.” Sunghoon commented. 

“I mean I would. Imagine spilling mac and cheese on your ex.” Jake said, a tone of understanding. 

“Well this could have been avoided if someone used their vampire senses and dodge.” Jay explained, staring right through Heeseung. 

The said male shrugged, not knowing the reason why as well. He knew you were around the corner, sensing you were about to turn in a frenzy and crash onto him. But he was frozen as well.

Maybe it’s the little selfish feeling in him of wanting a reason to see you again.

How long has it been since the both of you broke up, almost three months? Heeseung can’t remember clearly. All he knows is that he had broken two years worth of relationship with the person he was still in love with. The reason? Well, things are complicated when you’re a vampire.

The other three males look at each other in understanding when Heeseung doesn’t respond. It was obvious to them that he still had feelings for you.

The way he’s eyes will follow you wherever you are in his view, longingly staring whenever you laugh or smile from afar. It didn’t go unnoticed to them, though Heeseung stubbornly denied all their accusations, insisting he had moved on.

But it was a choice he made the moment he knew the dangers of being a vampire.

It was a choice that hurt him, and you, for the sake of your safety.

“You guys are literally the worst.” You whined, sitting at the back of the passenger seat while Ryujin and Winter were staring back at you with apologetic looks.

The three of you have arrived at the party’s destination. You could already see the flashing lights inside the mansion, the silhouette of drunken students dancing to some god awful songs.

There was already random stuff thrown left and right at the front porch and roof top; confetti, newspapers, toilet papers and egg cartons? 

Anyways, you were excited for the party until Ryujin pulled in front of Jay’s mansion did you found yourself in confusion. It was then they drop you a huge bomb which leads to the situation now.

“Why didn’t you tell me that the party belongs to Jay Park, aka my ex-boyfriend’s best friend!” 

Winter winces at the way you whisper yelled at them while Ryujin looked at you with the most oh shit face ever.

“We were gonna tell you y/n. It’s just that the timing wasn’t right.” Winter tried to explain.

“Maybe you should have told me before we left the dorm?!!”

You were already losing your mind. The incident during lunch at the cafeteria this afternoon was still fresh in your mind. Oh god you had to face Heeseung again and you don’t know if you can take this amount of embarrassment in one day.

“Calm down y/n,” Ryujin reasoned, her voice lace with optimism. “maybe there’s a chance that he might not come?”

You gave Ryujin the most deadpanned look. “No. When there’s Jay Park, there will always be Heeseung as well.”

You watch Ryujin open her mouth to contradict but soon closes it when she realizes you were right. You raise an eyebrow at her, challenging her to elaborate in which the blonde couldn’t.

“Welp, there’s a burger joint at a gas station down the road. Should we go there instead?” Ryujin suggested.

You shook your head, a sigh of remorse escaped your lips for cock blocking their fun. It wasn't right of you to not let them, your best friends, have some fun just because you didn’t want to see your ex.

This was definitely something you need to move on and not be childish or toxic about. Plus, there was free alcohol and you knew Jay had the best in town. If you were to suffer, at least you can indulge yourself with some nice liquor.

“We’re already here right?, might as well just go in already.”

You rolled your eyes when Ryujin yelled in triumph, arms in the air with a wide grin on her face, her suggestion before this came flying out the window the second you cave in.

“Let’s go party losers!”

You and Winter glance at each other, a playful smirk exchange between each other as the three of you unbuckle your seat belts, heading towards the front entrance of the mansion.

The living room was as spacious as you remember. Back then, Heeseung would often bring you here to hang out with the others; mainly Jake, Sunghoon and Jay, with the courtesy of the owner himself of course.

It was here that you spent a lot of time together with Heeseung; watching movies, playing games and sometimes when it gets too late into the night, there was a spare room you shared with him where you would cuddle and chat for hours until the both of you would sleep in each other’s arms.

You shook your head after reminiscing the bittersweet memories. Were you really getting all sappy in the middle of a party? Sure it was definitely the happiest memory with him, but you had to pull yourself together because the reality was, you guys aren’t together anymore.

What hit the nail on the head further was the fact that you see him sitting at one of the sofas, a cup on hand while a girl was dragging him to his feet, probably begging him to dance with her as a grin was plastered on her happy face.

“I’m gonna go get a drink.” you said.

Winter didn’t stop you as you marched away from the scene into the hallway.

She saw what you had seen, watching you with a look of worry on her face as you disappeared. But Winter knows that you’ll probably need some time to think for yourself thus, she lets you go alone.

To be honest, it did hurt a little.

But it’s over between the two of you. You had no right to be jealous of the girl but you couldn’t help but realize that you’ll never get over him after seeing that.

Fuck. You need some alcohol.

It didn’t take you too long to arrive at the kitchen; you knew the place like the back of your hand. There were tons of beverages at the tables and islands, but you knew where Jay had placed his most prized liquor and you didn’t hesitate to open the cupboard under the sink.

You have to thank and apologize to Jay the next time you see him.

“Boo!”

You yelp in surprise when you almost spilled the drink while pouring it into a cup. The person who scared you laughed aloud, his voice familiar to you as it echoed throughout the empty kitchen.

“Fuck off Ni-ki” you whine in annoyance.

The male had a wide grin on his face as he hops onto the kitchen counter beside you. Honestly, it was annoying how sneaky he can be and the fact that you couldn’t feel or hear him approaching you from a distance was quite terrifying.

“Gosh, let your liver breathe for a chance would you?” he teased, obviously referring to the alcohol in your hand.

You gave him a sarcastic smirk. “Why are you here? Isn’t it past your bedtime? Where's Sunoo to tuck you in?”

He scrunched his face and stuck his tongue at you in retaliation.

“I’m assuming this is a reaction after seeing Heeseung just now?” Ni-ki said and you immediately gave him an icy sharp glare as the male put his hands up in defeat.

“Don’t even go there.” You hiss.

Ni-ki was nonchalant about your death glare and threatening words; only leaning closer as if he was about to spill a secret to you.

“Just something to add,” his words now attract your attention as you perk up your ears to listen closely. “You shouldn’t worry too much about the girl you saw with him in the living room.”

You snort at what he said, sipping on the liquid in the cup. “Would you say the same thing as Kim Hari?”

Ni-ki winced at the name mentioned. “I can’t guarantee you with that one. She’s a persistent one.”

Kim Hari. She was a girl who had her eyes on Heeseung even at the beginning of your relationship with him. Though she knew he had a girlfriend, which was you, it didn’t stop her from blatantly flirting with him.

You hated the fact that she knew Heeseung had a girlfriend, knew that he was uncomfortable with her advances, yet she continues to do so in order to get under your skin.

The only thing holding you back from potentially choking her was the fact that you trusted Heeseung, and he also reassures you that he had told her off multiple times. Honestly, that was the only thing keeping you sane.

But now that everyone knows about your breakup with Heeseung, rumours circulated that Kim Hari and Heeseung had been spotted together and that they were hooking up.

You didn’t care if he really did hook up with her after. The both of you had ended your relationship and he was a free man; he wasn’t obligated to you anymore.

It was still stupid rumours coming from the mouth of students but boy did that shit hurt when you heard it.

“What else do you want from me?” you sigh at Ni-ki as he still had that shit eating grin on his face even after telling the piece of information.

“Do you wanna play a game?”

You watch the empty glass bottle spin and spin, the opening end of the bottle stops and points at the person sitting opposite of you.

You let out a breath of relief as everyone around you laughs and teases San as he drinks a shot of soju; unable or unwilling to answer the question given to him.

You had gotten yourself into a sticky game of truth or shot; a made up alternative game of spin the bottle where whoever got chosen had to pick whether to answer a truth or take a shot of soju instead.

In a normal setting, you would be having a blast right now. But unfortunately, you took a sneaky glance at Heeseung as he drank from his cup; sitting at a sofa with his signature man spread, an amused smirk on his face as he watched San take a shot.

Why did he have to participate as well? If you knew, you would have booked it right there and then. But, you had made your presence known to the group of people playing and if you leave now….why do you have to succumb to peer pressure?

You have to remember to punch Ni-ki in the face next time you see him.

In the middle of the game, you text Ryujin and Winter to come and rescue you but the two of them somehow got involved as well, meaning you were screwed if the bottle points to you.

You and Heeseung basically have a bull’s eye on your forehead right now, your past relationship could be the source for the truth given when either of you are chosen by that stupid glass bottle of beer.

Whatever happens, you thought, the shot of soju sounds better.

“Let me spin the bottle next!”

Choi San grabbed the bottle, spinning it in the middle of the floor. It spins and spins until it stops at, lord and behold, Lee Heeseung sitting on the sofa.

The moment San makes eye contact with you across the room, a mischievous smirk and a teasing glint on his eyes, you knew you were fucked.

“Who’s a better kisser? Hari or y/n?”

Everyone in the room immediately burst into a group of whistling and howling, obviously enjoying the little scandalous question. Dread immediately washed over you, glancing as Heeseung stared at the floor with a hard look.

Please just take the shot of soju, please just take the shot of soju; you chanted in your head in desperation.

But when he looked up to make eye contact with you, his eyes reminded you of the first time he confessed to you with so much affection and adoration, you were stunned the moment he said your name.

“y/n.”

You hear the sound of people talking in excitement, some exclaim in surprise as they start to whisper to one another; glancing back and forth between you and Heeseung.

You drown out their voices. You were staring back at Heeseung, his gaze at you never left the moment he said your name. You find it hard to breathe and the next thing you know, you abruptly stood up and walked away when you saw his mouth opening to say something else.

You heard Winter calling you out as you left and Ryunjin’s loud voice as she shouts ‘asshole’ towards the doe eyed male causing the ruckus in the room.

Your legs subconsciously drag your body away towards an empty room. You slide down and rest your back against the hard door after entering, curling up and hugging your legs to your chest as you feel tears starting to prick your eyes.

Why did he have to do that? Did he know how much you cried over the break up he initiated? He doesn’t know how hard it was for you to fall asleep, to even swallow anything, feeling ruined like you were dying after he broke your heart.

He had the chance to drink the soju, to walk away or just pick Hari; but he chose to make you feel this way instead and send you mixed signals.

So you did what you knew best, you drowned your agony in rounds of alcohol at the party, feeling the liquid burning your throat. But it helps you to relax, to have fun and most importantly, it helps you forget the pain.

Don’t worry, it’s not as toxic as you think it was. Ryujin and Winter was literally the best; bringing you some alcohol as the three spent time drinking, talking and laughing at the empty room you were in while ignoring the party throughout the night.

They had the decency of holding you back and keeping you in check; they knew you were going to regret it the next morning.

So when you all decided to head back to the dorm at two in the morning, you were only slightly tipsy from all the drinking, your face warming up to some degree.

“Wait, I need to go to the bathroom.” you announce as Winter and Ryujin climb into the car. They told you to hurry up as you rush back into the mansion, heading towards the closest restroom on the ground floor. 

The bathroom was so nice and clean that you didn’t mind sleeping on the floor if you could. Your eyes were so tired with eyes half-lidded that the only thing you could think of after returning to the dorm was to sleep. 

You close the door of the restroom, heading back to the car as fast as possible when you hear a faint sound of groaning at the end of the hallway. 

The place was quite dark; save for the party lights illuminating the hallway. There was no one other than you in the vicinity with most of the students already returning back.

You heard whispers of voices; a mix between two male and a girl before it was followed by a whimper of agony. At the corner of your eyes you spotted a trail of red spots leading towards where the voices were. 

This was straight up like a horror movie. It felt like a scene in The Shining, except you were Danny without the bike and the hallway was too dark for you to see the end.

You swallow down the lump in your throat, feeling fear creeping up your body, sending a cold shiver down your spine. You feel goosebumps forming on your skin as the voices get louder and louder as you slowly walk towards it.

The closer you got, the more you were convinced that the red spots were indeed trails of blood. You caught a faint waft of a metallic smell, like a copper coin in the air. Your heart palpitated louder; you could hear and feel your heartbeat at your throat.

The scene at the end of the hallway was not what you had expected.

You close your mouth with your hand in shock, eyes wide with what you witness. 

You watch Heeseung death grip a male by his neck, blood dripping down the latter’s mouth and head. Beside Heeseung was the girl you saw in the living room with him, her back against the wall with frightened eyes, hiding behind Heeseung’s protective figure.

Your gasp must have reached their ears because their attention was immediately on you. 

Thanks to your distraction, the male found the perfect opportunity to escape from Heeseung’s hold. But it was enough time for you to realize that the man you saw had golden eyes which glowed in the dark and a pair of wolf ears on his head. 

The man ran into a room, the sound of glass shattering echoed and you assumed he had escaped by jumping out of the window.

Heeseung let out a string of curses, a perplexed look plastered on his face as he glanced back and forth from the man’s direction to your figure. 

You watch in horror, taking a step back in fear as it registered on you that Heeseung’s eyes were as red as the blood on the floor. His hands and shirt were bloody and you assumed it belonged to the injured male who had run away. 

But it was nothing compared to his fangs protruding out from his upper lips, blood dripping down the corner of his mouth due to an injury. 

A vampire. 

A flashback to when Ryujin and Winter talked about a rumour about the supernatural creature crossed your mind. Not for a second did you believe those stupid rumour but now, you were staring back at one. You guess the joke was on you now.

You took large steps back as his eyes now zeroed onto you. You trembled at the sight and for a second, you thought this was your end right here. 

But you found the strength to immediately run and not for a second did you look back.

“Welp,” Jay started with a hand on his hip, observing the broken glass window where the werewolf had escaped. “Maybe some duct tape can do the trick for now.” 

The others came the minute they heard the big commotion. There were shards of glass everywhere on the floor, the curtains fluttering as a cold breeze entered the room.

Heeseung had filled in everything that happened.

The werewolf who had come uninvited to the party last minute, had the audacity to torment Jaehee, whom he had cornered just because she was affiliated with a group of vampires.

Being a ghost was always discriminated against among the supernatural species that roam earth.

When the soul of a deceased human is unable to pass peacefully, a ghost is a manifestation of that; they continue to roam around in an amiable human-like façade.

But unlike how the media have portrayed them, ghosts generally wander in solitary and don’t possess abilities or characteristics that make them a threat to anyone.

They prefer to stay away from other people’s business and instead, are in search of their own purpose in order to pass into the afterlife. In a way, they were the underdogs; the odd ones.

So when Heeseung stumbles upon Jaehee, the ghost of a woman his age wandering in the old building beside the campus, he took the opportunity to help the lost soul who had no idea she was dead in the first place.

"What did you say his name was again?" Sunghoon asks, pushing a few pieces of glass shard away from the floor. Jungwon had given Heeseung some wet cloth to wipe away the blood on his hand while Sunoo was attending to the small wound on his mouth.

"I think it was Jisung or something?" Heeseung tried to recall. "He mentioned his alpha being Bang Chan," Heeseung turned to Jay who was in deep thought. "Does that ring a bell? He said that you, K and whoever this Bang Chan person is, go way back."

Jay closes his eyes for a moment, reminiscing old memories that happened centuries ago. A few seconds of silence went by before he replied. "I mentioned to you guys before that there existed a great war between vampires and werewolves?"

The others attentively listen, nodding their heads for Jay to continue.

"K's pack, in a way, was our double agent; working together with the vampires, with me, in order to take down the werewolves."

Ni-ki raises his eyebrows in confusion. "Why would K's pack help the vampires?"

"Because the werewolves intended to eliminate Humans," Jay declared. All of them watch as Jay walks towards a table with a stack of books, pulling one in the middle, watching the tower fall apart as a few books go tumbling down on the floor.

"I think anyone with a brain can tell that by doing so can fuck up the whole balance of the system. You take out a species in a food chain, the whole pyramid topples over."

There was tension in the air at the way Jay was glaring at the fallen books. There was something else flickering across his face, maybe pain? sadness?, but it disappeared the moment he turned to face the others again.

"After the war, some packs survived and surrendered, and one of them belongs to Bang Chan's. But I don't think this little taunting had anything to do with him."

"Henchmen acting on their own?" Jake guessed right away. Jay nodded in affirmation at him. 

"This is something me and K might have to do, just stay low in the meantime. Another thing―" Jay then turned towards Heeseung.

"Are you sure there was no Human witness?"

The image of your frightened face and frozen figure cross his mind.

"Yes, I'm sure of it."

You now believe that vampires are real.

When you rushed out of the mansion and climbed into the back seat of Winter’s car, your face was as white as sheets and you were dazed until Ryujin had to shake your shoulder to get your attention.

You couldn’t bare yourself to sleep. The images of Heeseung’s piercing red eyes gazing back at you kept replying in your mind as you toss and turn in your bed.

But for some reason, his gaze to you didn’t felt threatening; the fear in you was fuel from the atmosphere before that, the amount of murderous intent in the way Heeseung choke the other male with bloody hands and the tension leading up to the discovery.

You didn’t get a wink of sleep.

You had to drag yourself to get ready for morning class and your head throb a little. Winter was kind enough to give you a hangover cure and you find the pain had lessened as the class ended.

You tried your best to avoid Heeseung. He was already in a different Major than you so it was relatively easy, except when you see either of his close friends did you swerve around since it’s likely that he’ll be with them.

And also the fact that you can’t trust either of them now. They could also be vampires for all you know.

In a sleep deprived state, you nonchalantly walk at the main hallway of the west building of the campus, looking forward to eating some good dinner before heading off to dreamland for a much needed sleep.

You were yawning and wiping the tears accumulated on the corner of your eyes, minding your own business before a hand reached out to grab you by the arm, dragging you to the doors of an empty lab.

You were about to scream until the person clamped your mouth shut with the palm’s of their hand, already anticipating that you’ll shout for help.

You tried to trash around and wiggle out of the person’s grip but the minute you faced Heeseung, you immediately stopped dead in your tracks.

“If you don’t scream, I’ll let you go.” He said.

With brows furrowed and a defiant look, you lick his hand in hopes that he’ll let go, but when he stares at you with an eyebrow raised and an amused smirk, unaffected by your little trick, you glance down in embarrassment before nodding your head.

The second he lets you go, you pull yourself away from him, making sure the distance between you and him is as far as possible for you to feel safe.

Heeseung slowly retreats his hand back, feeling a little hurt by the way you immediately separate yourself from him. But at the same time, he understands why you were on guard and glaring at him cautiously.

Especially with everything you had witnessed, he doesn’t blame you.

“Listen, I just wanna explain to you about what happened.” Heeseung raises his hands up to show his palm, he needs to show you he means no harm.

“I don’t think there’s anything to explain.” You curtly reply.

He gave you a pleading look. “Please, please just listen to me. I promise you it’ll all make sense.”

With lips pressed in a deep thought, you let out a sigh of frustration, giving in to his desperate attempt to explain himself.

“Fine. But you stay where you are.” You pointed your index finger at him angrily.

Heeseung went into a period of word vomit, spilling to you everything that needs context and explanation. The more in depth he went into, the more horrified you were and it took you a moment to fully digest the information.

“Don’t tell anyone. Including Jay and the others about you knowing.” He quickly added at the end.

You gave him an almost snort of sarcasm. “Of course idiot, I don’t want to look like a freak in front of the whole student body.”

You watched as a genuine grin spread around his face, obviously entertained by your comment and the little insult you called him, but at the same time, you saw a wave of relief in his body at the way he instantly relaxed.

You realize that this was the first time the both of you spoke to each other after the break up. It was much more natural? than you expected, minus the supernatural part of the conversation.

Or maybe it's the fact that deep inside, you still wanted to talk to him, even after all the sufferings you went through.

“But I have a favor to ask, if you don’t mind. You can say it’s a bargain for keeping my mouth shut.”

Heeseung perks up when you mention the word ‘favor’, with an anticipating look as he waits for you to continue.

Jake regretted agreeing to tutor you for calculus.

No, it wasn’t because you were a frustrating student. In contrast, he was happy to help you pass the upcoming exam. Not to mention the look of shock on his face when it was Heeseung that told him that you wanted a tutor asap.

Jake regretted on agreeing because he didn’t expect to be a fucking third wheel.

The schedule was simple. After your class, the both of you would meet up at the library for the tutoring session. He didn’t mind that Heeseung wanted to tag along, as long as you were comfortable with it.

He had fun teasing the older male about his lingering affection for you, something Heeseung still denies constantly, which in turn, results in an eye roll from Jake.

It was the lingering glance towards each other from across the table, the way y/n will get distracted every time Heeseung does the bare minimum, the way Heeseung would bring coffee for you but accidently forgot to get one for him, it was those little things that make him scream internally, wishing for this to be over.

The fact that neither of them even tried to be subtle got him gagging at the amount of sexual tension in the air.

The both of you might as well make out on the table and Jake will still ask you if you’re done with the practice question. It wouldn’t make a damn difference.

Jake Sim wasn’t the only one who noticed.

“Are you fucking Lee Heeseung?”

You choke on the orange juice you were peacefully drinking before Ryujin opens her mouth. You wipe the excess fluid dripping down your mouth and pat your chest as you continue to cough.

“Shin Ryujin, what the hell?!” you scowl, feeling disgust at the sticky residue of the juice around your chin. Ryujin rolled her eyes at how dramatic you were while Winter was beside her, ready to interrogate you further.

Just when you wanted a peaceful lunch.

“Answer the question y/n. Are you and Heeseung rolling in the hay?” Winter asks. In confusion, you reply in disarray.

“What?”

Ryujin gave you a deadpanned look. “Did he put his dick into your hole?”

Winter gave her a questioning look, obviously appalled by her poor choice of word, in which Ryujin shrugged at. “Did you have to be so vulgar?”

“Someone has to be the bad cop.”

You glance back and forth between the two, shaking your hand to catch their attention, with eyebrows in a furrow.

“What makes you two think that me and Heeseung are fucking?” you ask in confusion. The both of them turn to give you a stunned face.

“Winter, have you or have you not notice that Heeseung and y/n were literally eye-fucking each other without knowing whenever they are in the same vicinity.” Ryujin said in a posh manner, repositioning her posture as if she was having a normal conversation with Winter.

“Why yes Ryujin. And the way they scan each other’s body from head to toe whenever they greet each other? Might as well just take each other’s clothes off while you're at it!”

You cross your hand over your chest, giving the both of them an annoyed look as they continue their act of taunting you. “Are you both done yet?”

“Look,” Ryujin said, switching to a more serious side “There is definitely something hanging between you guys. Both of you dumbasses don’t realize it but all of us do, including Heeseung’s friends.”

“Have the both of you ever talked about why he broke up with you in the first place?”

You pause a little at Winter’s question, pressing your lips in silence, not knowing what to answer.

It’s true that ever since the situation at the party, it seems that you and Heeseung have been interacting more lately.

For over three months of complete avoidance after the break up, you had cut him out of your life, sometimes not even acknowledging his existence.

But now, it was just simple hellos and glancing at each other across the room.

Sure, sometimes you would catch yourself staring at him for too long. Maybe if he didn’t wear that damn lip ring or a pair of tight pants while sitting with his legs open you wouldn’t ogle on him too much.

Okay, maybe you were still into him a little too much but exes can still talk to each other right? It’s not like he feels the same way anymore, or not, he wouldn’t break up with you in the first place.

Whatever the tension they were referring to, you refuse to acknowledge it. You reassure yourself that it might be because you now know his secret, and that it's just him looking out to see if you’ll break the promise.

Yeah, that’s it, you thought. There’s no way it was anything more than that.

The first time you met Jaehee, you didn’t expect a ghost to look more alive than a normal human being. 

Jaehee often whined and complained to him how she wanted to explore outside and have fun with girls her age.

The only person he thought was you; the person who perfectly fits the candidate criteria which is a girl (obviously) and knows the existence of the supernatural.

To be frank, you were the only human girl he knows that is aware of the supernatural, making you his only choice.

When Heeseung said that he needed help from you, which is to accompany him and the said ghost on a walk around the mall, you expected her to look like Casper the ghost or the undead looking ones from the conjuring. 

With short hair cut and youthful features, she was so lively and sweet that you wonder how the girl is even remotely the same age as you.

Heeseung did tell you that he speculates that she was probably a couple hundred years older than them, and had died closer to their age. Thus, she doesn’t know anything about the current world right now.

He mentioned that Jaehee was not aware that she was even dead the first time he met her. So, he decided to take her in for a while until she could pass into the afterlife; making him her babysitter.

It was then that you understood the relationship between the two; Heeseung being more like a guardian to the girl to keep her safe in the meantime.

You can’t believe that the hint Ni-ki gave you was actually real and you felt bad for misunderstanding the situation back at the party. 

But now you get why he warned you that Jaehee can be too mischievous and eager to learn about the human lifestyle.

You were probably dragged every five seconds by the hand, the girl kept questioning everything around her with such an innocent wonder that you can’t help but smile in endearment. It made you think of how cruel it was for her to stay in the real world rather than passing in peace. 

It was also fun watching her reaction to riding an escalator for the first time; seeing her turn rigid and holding onto your jacket with her eyes closed, curling to your side in a cowardly manner.

Heeseung throughout the whole time trailed behind the two, hands in his pocket with a small smile on his face as you gently patted the frightened girl on the shoulder, reassuring her that the escalator was safe. 

He did the right thing to invite you. 

After what seems like hours of window shopping, you teach her a thing or two about fashion and now, she seems more obsessed with the idea of dressing up and modelling than actually buying the clothes.

This leads her to beg you to join as well, which you gave in and let out a sigh of defeat the moment she gave you a pair of puppy dog eyes. 

You stood in front of the mirror of the changing room. The lights were blinding your eyes off and the heat radiating from it was not helping as well. The mirror was tall and large, showing your reflection from top to bottom. 

It was a simple white floral dress that reached your knees, halter straps with a bare shoulder look giving it a breathable and easy design built for comfort.

It was definitely a type of dress you would often wear in the summer but now that it’s closing to autumn, the weather was a bit more chilling. 

You choose this just for the heck of it; already missing the sunny weather. 

“Tadaa! Heeseung, tell me how I look?” you hear Jaehee’s voice from outside the changing booth. She must have finished trying on her outfit. 

“Pretty decent for a ghost.” 

You let out a small chuckle when you heard Jaehee pouts and whines at Heeseung’s monotone response. You knew from the tone of his voice that the male was only joking.

He did that pretty often with you whenever you wore something new to show off to him. He would pat your head, telling you he was just joking before proceeding to whisper in your ear, how beautiful you look. 

Well, last time when you were still in a relationship.

“y/n! Come out! I wanna see your outfit.” Jaehee said in a sing-song manner. You adjust and pat down the material of the dress one more time before opening the door.

“Tadaa.” You emerge from the changing, gesturing to your outfit with fake enthusiasm to try and match the ghost’s excitement.

Jaehee claps and squeals in delight before linking elbows with you. She dragged you both together to stand in front of Heeseung, who was sitting on a chair, preoccupied with his phone.

When he looks up, you suddenly take note of the way his eyes widen and his posture straighten, his hands slowly putting down the device.

His eyes rake down from your body to your head attentively as if drinking in your appearance, lips slightly parted and Adam's apple bobbing as if you had him under a spell.

It was at this moment, you finally understood what the others meant by the weird tension.

You suddenly realize that maybe the dress was showing too much leg; your shoulder being exposed excessively as well.

When you start to feel warmth at the tips of your ears, hands fidgeting and legs moving to shift your weight, did Heeseung whip his head to look away, a hand covering his mouth. He tried hard not to glance your way.

“I have another dress I wanna wear! I’ll be right back!” Jaehee, who was obvious about the sudden change in mood, skips back to the changing room, leaving the two of you alone.

There was an awkward silence present in the room and it didn’t help that Heeseung was still looking away from you.

“I’m….gonna go change.” You nervously said, tip toeing in a fiddly manner towards your own changing room to save yourself from the embarrassment.

When you were gone from his sight, Heeseung let out a deep sigh of relief, back slouching on the chair.

He massaged his face, the image of you in that dress looking so sexy and alluring kept replaying his mind. The way the outfit showed off your shoulder and the way it hugged your curves; Heeseung groan in agony just thinking about your fucking legs.

He tried to suppress the arousing feeling in him. He can’t stop reminiscing the times where he could hold your body against his, leaving butterfly kisses on your collarbone, his hands caressing the skin of your thighs as he goes higher and higher until he hears your voice hitch—

He let out a muffled groan. He can’t believe he was acting like a pubescent teenager fantasizing about illicit things by just seeing fucking skin on a girl.

You obviously were uncomfortable with his gaze, the look of confusion on your face before he looked away. He can’t keep leading you on like this, like he was in love with you, which he madly is and will always be, but he was the one who broke your heart.

You didn’t deserve to be played like this.

But he misses you. He miss you so fucking damn much.

He hasn't even told the other’s yet about you knowing that they were vampires. He can already predict the disappointment in Jay’s face if he knew.

No human was supposed to know the supernatural exists; whether it be vampires, werewolves, ghosts or even demons, whom Jay has mentioned still roam among human civilization in hiding.

He had tons of episodes where he accidentally came across humans in his vampire characteristics, the look of fear in their eyes made him accept the fact that he is no longer a human.

But what really scares him the most was the fact that you’ll also feel the same, that you’ll also see him as anything but a blood sucking monster.

How did you end up here in the first place?

You let out a soft groan, pushing your head up from the most aching position you’ve ever slept on. A pulsing headache overwhelms your sensation.

Your throat is dry and you squeeze your eyes a couple of times as your view becomes increasingly clear.

It took a while for you to realize that you were in a dark warehouse. The window outside indicates that it was way deep in the night, only the moonlight shone through the glass pane.

A few strands of hair had stuck on your face. You were about to push it away until you realized you couldn’t move your arms. It was at this moment you took in the fact that you were tied to a chair, tight ropes circle around your body and holding you down captive with your hands behind your back.

“What the hell?” you question, confused at the situation. It wasn’t until you noticed three figures observing you from a far at the other side of the room, gold eyes shining through the dark, spacious warehouse.

“Jisung, she’s up!”

“Shut up, Hyunjin. I know she’s up!”

“Guys, I don’t think this is a good idea. What if Chan-“

“-Chan Hyung won’t know anything if we don’t fuck this up Felix.”

The loud conversation caught your attention as the figures slowly emerged out of the shadows. The one in the middle immediately sparks familiarity in your head.

It was the male you saw at the party, the person who Heeseung had beat up for threatening Jaehee, the one who is a werewolf.

The other two follow suit, standing side by side with each other, looking slightly perplexed compared to Jisung.

From the outside, they look like normal, everyday, mundane students but you know you shouldn’t be fooled by what you can only see with the naked eye. 

“Where am I?” you asked. 

Jisung gave you a smirk. “Before I answer you human,” he said the last word with such distaste that he almost spit. “I have a few questions of my own.”

Walking closer until he was an arm’s length from where you were captured, he tilted his head slightly towards the other two. Hyunjin and Felix understood the gesture, silently walking away until it was only the two of you in the dark, spacious room. 

You put up a guard, uncomfortable at the way he was staring at you unpleasantly. You swallow the fear creeping up your throat, feeling anxious at the fact that you had just been kidnaped, captured and brought into an unknown place.  

The last thing you could remember was walking home after studying in the library before your mouth was clamped shut with a piece of cloth, presumably containing the drug that knocks you out cold. But what would you offer to a bunch of werewolves? unless-

“You need me because of Heeseung.” you clarified. 

It makes sense right? He saw you at the party. He probably saw you, Heeseung and Jaehee together in public as well. What else would he take you as a hostage for? To take revenge on Heeseung for beating him up?

Jisung gave you a rather taunting chuckle. “Close enough, but that’s not really what I’m after.” 

“Then what are you really after?”

“Information,” Jisung said, hiding his hands in his pocket nonchalantly as if he didn’t commit a crime. “Tell me where The Sanctuary is and the location of the Dust and I’ll set you free.”  

The Sanctuary? Dust? You stared at him in confusion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about?” 

The way his mood shifts tells you that he didn’t expect that answer from you. You watch the corner of his lips turn downwards and his eyes fuming with anger, lips press into a thin line making you anxious at what he was about to do to you. 

“You don’t know don’t you?” 

You flinch when he reaches out to grab your jaw, pulling you forcefully to look at his rather haunting golden eyes.

You stiffen immediately at the contact. You know the minute he had the chance, if he just twisted your jaw with enough force and the right angle, you would be gone in a second.  

So you sit still, waiting for his next step with hands forming into balls of fist to hide the fear, nails digging at the palm of your hand. The rope around you felt even more suffocating now, cold sweat trailing down your back. 

“I hear that you and him have been together for a while. It seems that he didn’t tell you anything?” 

“We broke up months ago. It seems like you didn’t get the latest news? And here I though you’ll have a keener sense that Heeseung”

You didn’t know what came over you. It was not the right time for you to get sassy, knowing that he had the advantage to kill you now. But it kinda ticks you off that he mentioned your past relationship with Heeseung. 

“You humans really do know how to bark don’t you?” He sneered. You could feel his hold on you tightens and you winced when his sharp nails dig into the skin of your jaw and cheeks.

“Even if you don’t know anything, you can make a really good bait,” He examined you further. “You really do look hideous up close.”

You snorted, “Don’t worry, you’re not exactly the level of Jacob Black as well.”

“What the fuck is that?”

“I don’t know if I should feel sorry or jealous about you not knowing twilight,” you said.

You should really stop rambling before he actually kills you.

He gave you a distasteful look. “I don’t indulge in foolish human culture.”

You were about to retort before you saw him immediately perk up.

He looked agitated but there was a sense of expectation in the way he turned towards a figure approaching the two of you. His lips curl into a provocative smirk as he turns to stand behind you, the strong grip still attached to your face.

“Well, well,” He let out a very amused chuckle “it seems like your saviour is here.”

Your eyes widen as Heeseung emerges from the shadow. He looked dishevelled and you could see that he was breathing rapidly. But he could only look at you the moment he stepped out into the lights.

“One move and she’s gone.”

A shiver went down your spine when you heard the werewolf from behind you. You could see Heeseung still held his gaze at you, eyes soft and filled with reassurance, as if to tell you that everything will be alright.

You let out a gasp when Jisung twists your head in an angle, moving it enough for you to react.

Heeseung immediately moves his attention to the male behind and his gaze hardens at the way the werewolf was smirking in triumph in getting the vampire’s attention.

“Your watchers weren’t really that challenging,” Heeseung said “They were more cooperative than I thought.”

Jisung was displeased and honestly taken aback by the words. How could a mere Alter Vampire, a human turned into a vampire, be able to get through two werewolves that survived the war centuries ago?

They were far more superior than him. Even a pureblood born vampire struggles in a fight with them. How could he—

“Han Jisung.”

You couldn’t comprehend how a simple voice could make all the strands of hair at the back of your nape stand up.

The voice was commanding and you could tell that this person knew the power behind his orders, because the place was overwhelmingly suffocating the minute he showed himself not far beside Heeseung.

Jisung’s hold on you quiver, as if he was affected by the voice in such a severe manner as his breathing intensified and you could tell he was on edge.

“Let go of her, Jisung.”

The male behind you shook his head. “No! I won’t! We were this close to getting the apprehend Chan-hyung. If we can get access to the The Sanctuary, the witch’s hut then—”

“Then what Jisung? The war has been over for centuries. We lost and it’s time that we move on” Bang Chan let out a sigh of disappointment, trying to reason with the younger male but Jisung was still persistent on going with his plan.

“I’ve already told Felix and Hyunjin to keep an eye on you, and you went behind my back? behind the Alpha’s permission?”

Jisung’s face contorted in betrayal. He finally understands how Heeseung managed to go through them with ease, they were with the Alpha in the first place. He bit his lips in frustration.

“Jisung, let go of her.”

Bang chan’s voice was like a spell, hypnotic almost, as he slowly prowled towards them. Jisung’s hold on you was quivering harder, as if he was trying to resist the order given to his Alpha, the leader of the pack.

But to no avail, Bang Chan was far more superior, far more ancient, and because of that, his pheromones were absolute.

Jisung knew that. That was why he stood frozen in his place before he slowly let go of your jaw and fell on his knees with his head hanging, no longer able to resist the order.

You feel how powerful the pheromones were. Your vision starts to blur and your lungs feel like it is squeezing against your chest with such force that you start to break out into cold sweats.

You were at the verge of passing out, eyes heavy and threatening to shut close. You don't know how long you can take with this suffocating feeling as you let a deep breath of agony. 

It wasn’t until you felt the ropes around you begin to untangle and you felt a pair of cold hands holding on to your face, softly calling out to your name.

It was Heeseung, and he urged you to wrap your arms around his neck as he carried you bridal style, lifting you up from the chair into his arms.

Everything felt like a fever dream like you were going in and out of consciousness. You hear Heeseung and Bang Chang exchange a few words but it was muffled due to your condition so you weren’t able to make up their conversation.

The last thing you remember was Heeseung whispering to you that he got you and that you were safe from harm's way before you passed out.

You almost thought whatever happened to you was a dream, because the next day, you woke up from your bed feeling more normal than ever.

It wasn’t until you noticed a note on your bedside did you realize it was all real, and also the fact that you still felt a little iffy; no thanks to the drug and pheromones physiologically affecting your body to the core.

I’m sorry.

It was a simple note, but it conveyed to you thousands of emotions that Heeseung couldn’t put in words.

Of course he would apologize, you thought, gripping on the piece of paper as you try to suppress the dejected feeling in you.

It was the same words that utter out of his mouth when he broke up with you. No explanation, no elaboration on why he wanted to break up, just a simple apology afterward.

You knew he wanted to say something more but saying those words was easier, because he genuinely felt sorry, but you don’t even know why he was apologizing for? Sorry for falling out of love? Sorry for dragging this relationship out? Sorry for breaking your heart?

And now, was he apologizing for getting you involved with the supernatural? or was it for letting you go through a whole process of getting kidnapped and endangering your life?

You didn’t like it at all, as you wiped the tears at the corner of your eyes, threatening to escape as you recall the memory in your mind.

It felt like he was pushing you away again, keeping you hidden, keeping you safe but hurting you at the same time.

The werewolf mentions that Heeseung didn’t tell you everything about him, and you imagine how much more was Heeseung keeping a secret from you.

Heck, he hasn’t even told the others about you knowing and you wonder if it had anything to do with the information that Jisung mentioned.

It made you realize that if the both of you don’t talk about it, it would only make the wound even more unbearable.

You were honestly so happy when the two of you were getting closer, even if the both of you considered each other as acquaintances; it was better than being complete strangers.

It’s as if the gap between you two were within an arm’s reach ever since you knew that he was a vampire.

But now, he was so far away from you. Like a star in the night; he was so close yet so far from your reach.

It was what you thought when you went to the balcony of the 3rd floor of Jay’s mansion, opening the sliding door to see Heeseung leaning on the railing, his head looking up towards the dark sky.

At that moment, you really thought he was among the stars that night.

You close the sliding door, muffling the sound and music coming from the party down in the living room. When you arrived, your first mission was to find Heeseung among the crowds.

But when you bump into Jay on the way, he gives you a knowing smirk, an eyebrow raised as he gestures to the stairs, mouthing to you where Heeseung was, as if he knew you were searching for the male.

He knows.

“Is Jake your messenger dog now?” you said, tucking your hands into the pockets of your jacket as you feel the autumn chill against your exposed skin, causing you to shiver.

You wonder how he could resist the cold breeze with just a black t-shirt, a white cap and trousers until you realize, of course he can, he was a vampire after all. They were the embodiment of coldness.

Heeseung turned around to face you with a small smile, pearly white teeth threatened to show itself as you stroll to stop beside him, hands rested on the railings as well.

“I get it that the message was delivered well?” He asked.

You nodded. “I even gave him a treat for helping me pass the test.” You let out a giggle, fingers fiddling against the steel railings when the conversation died down. Heeseung had folded his arms and rested against it.

“So,” you started, shifting your weight between the balls of your feet out of nervousness “Why did you ask Jake to tell me to come meet you at the party?”

Heeseung stared out of the distance, licking his bottom lip out of habit when he was anxious. You could tell he was trying to recollect himself, finding the right words to articulate himself to you.

You waited there, basking in the cold breeze of the night.

“The day I found out I turned into a vampire was a few months ago,” He said. “I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I was confused, so unsure of myself on what to do.”

“Jay really helped me out during those times but then, I started to think about what being a vampire really meant.” He turns slightly to meet your gaze.

“You don’t know what the supernatural world has to offer, y/n. It was a lot to take in. Enemies, danger and dark magic lurk everywhere, wherever path I take, and don’t get me started on the immortal and blood sucking thing.”

“It took a great toll on me, like something was sucking my humanity bit by bit, tearing me apart like a sheet of paper and it was at that point that I knew this was my fate and that there was no escape to it. I- I don’t think I can even trust myself as well.”

You reach out to gently place a hand on top of his and you could physically see him immediately calm down. The both of you stare at the way he moves to lace his fingers with yours, something about the action made the both of you realize how complete it looked.

“And then I thought about the future, what it meant to my family and the friends around me and—“

His words died down when he turned to look at you, an unbearable expression on his face and you knew what meant before he even finished his sentence.

His thumb rub circles around the back of your hand, feeling how warm you are compared to him.

“When I heard that he was taking you hostage, I think I almost went into rampage mode,” He laughed out with such nervousness that you knew he only did it because you knew he would.

“If it weren’t for their Alpha being there, maybe you’ll see what I am capable of.” He stopped to look at your reaction.

You only press your lips in silence, remembering the time where he held the werewolf by his neck at the party. They are powerful creatures, no doubt but Heeseung— he was different. There was no way he would intentionally hurt someone without a reason.

“That’s why, I need to show you this,” with his other hand, you watch him pull a sachet bag from his pocket, “This is dust. It’s an item desired by many, made by a witch and Jay is the only one who possesses it. It only works for humans to make them forget about the supernatural. Using this, you can—“

“Wait, wait—“ you stop him from continuing, taken aback by his sudden proposition, “—you’re telling me to forget about everything? Are you insane Heeseung?”

“You don’t understand, don’t you? When you stumble across me at that party, I thought that was the end, that you’ll finally be afraid of me, heck even think I’m a monster.”

You search his eyes in disbelief. “Why would I even think of that? You know that’s not true.”

Sure you were afraid the first time, but what kind of person wasn’t? But being with him after makes you realize that it didn’t change who he was, he was still Heeseung and he was very much not a monster.

He let out a low sigh. “I knew that. That’s why I took the chance, that’s why I didn’t tell the others about you knowing. I wanted to let you know that I was still the person I was before. But I can’t let what happened slip by again.”

He shook his head, his eyes pleading for you to understand. “Please, I’m begging you, I don’t think I can let anything happen to you. Keeping you safe is all I fucking wanted.”

His voice crack at the end, biting on his lower lips to keep him from breaking down in front of you. You understand now why he broke up with you.

You try to blink away the tears threatening to spill but to no avail; Heeseung watches as it flows down your cheeks as you punch at his chest in fury.

“You idiot.” you lent another punch to his chest but Heeseung could barely feel the force as he continued to stare at your upset face.

“And here I thought you broke up with me because you fell out of love, or maybe you finally realised that I wasn’t the one anymore. How selfish can you be to break up with me, only to say that was in favor of my safety!”

You didn’t know how many times you punched him right in the chest until he moved to hold your wrist. At this point, you couldn’t stop the tears flowing down your cheeks as your sobs echoed in the air.

Heeseung was silent the whole time.

“No matter how hurt my heart is, I’ll always be here for you,” You whimper, “Please don’t let me go Heeseung.”

Heeseung could feel his heart broken into millions of pieces. He was distorted, everything inside him shake, bend and break when you looked at him with those eyes and the walls and fences he built came crumbling down.

He took you in his arms, feeling your warmth against his body as he dived into the crook of your neck. He felt your hands clawing and clenching at the fabric of his shirt in desperation, pressing him closer to you.

He basks in your sweet scent, a mix of vanilla and something floral. To him, you smell like home where he truly belongs and at that moment, he knew you got him wrapped around your finger.

He’ll never let you go anymore.

Heeseung broke the hug to caress your face, wiping away any dried tears on your cheeks. You lean closer to rub the tip of your nose against his and Heeseung reciprocate back.

He traced his fingers over your features, steely eyes succumbing to how beautiful you look before it stopped to your lips. You notice his gaze through his eyelashes as his thumb rests on the cushion of your lower lips.

You can feel his breath tickling your cheek bones. He leans closer, palm holding the side of your face before he slowly closes his eyes and captures your lips with his.

Immediately a burst of butterflies invade your stomach, feeling his lips against yours was feeding the hunger that was starved in you when he was gone. You clench harder on the fabric of his shirt at the satisfying notion.

Heeseung felt the ache in his throat disappear the moment he got a taste of your sweet lips. No amount of blood could ever soothe the itch he felt losing you and may he dared confess, you tasted better than any blood he tasted.

He was addicted to you.

Heeseung broke the kiss in such a sudden manner that you let out a soft whimper. Your thirst was not quite quenched yet.

A little in him fucking love the way you look right now, lips swollen and eyes half lidded. He couldn’t wait to see how you look if he went even further.

“I didn’t hook up with Hari. I wanted to tell it to you during the game but you left before I could explain.” He whispered.

Slightly dazed, you swallow down your saliva before replying. “Why are you bringing this up now?”

He pushes you gently against the railing, pressing his body further into your body. His other hand trailed to rest on your waist before he rested his forehead against yours and suddenly, you were hyperaware at the amount of lust and desire pooling in his eyes at the way he was staring at your lips.

“I wanna show you how ruined I can be at just a taste of your lips. I want you to bring me on my knees,” He moved to lick your bottom lip, nibbling at the flesh, inducing a moan from your mouth at the motion.

“I want you to break me and make me fall apart.”

He captures your lips once more but this time, you can feel how desperate and needy it was. You felt the railing behind you digging on your back as Heeseung continued to ravish your mouth.

He let his tongue slip into your mouth and felt it explore every inch of you. You let out a string of muffled moans against his lips and it only tugged on his arousal even more.

You were out of breath, desperate to break the connection, but your carnal needs out weigh your own lungs. So you started to claw at the back of Heeseung’s neck, feeling his hair in between your fingers to draw the kiss even more deeper.

You never knew loving could hurt so good.

He seems to notice your squirming, hesitating to break the kiss but the minute he let’s go, he dives into the crook of your neck. A small sigh escapes as you breathe in a few gasps of air.

“Heeseung.” you weakly called out. You let out a whimper when he continued to kiss your neck to your collarbone, feeling his lips leave wet kisses on the skin.

Though you tilted your head to the side, you grabbed onto his shoulder to get his attention. “Not here.”

Your pleading cries caught his attention and before you knew it, Heeseung grabbed you by the wrist at such speed that you didn’t notice that he was leading you towards a familiar guest room, away from the crowding noise of the party downstairs. 

It was the guest room the both of you would often use, both for cuddling and also some illicit activities that was once the reason why Jay refused to let you guys use the room anymore.  

Heeseung didn’t hesitate to connect his lips once more to your neck the minute he locked the door. His teeth nibble and graze against the sensitive surface and you can’t help but moan when he moves to cup one of your breasts, kneading the soft flesh through your shirt. 

The both of you moved closer to the edge of the bed as Heeseung continued to pleasure you. Removing your jacket, you let your hands travel down to his chest until you felt the hard outline of his cock against the fabric of his trousers.

Heeseung let out a small groan against your neck as you rub the hardened cock, the friction was causing his toes to curl and his hips to buck against the palm of your hands.

“Let me suck you off.” you breathe out. 

Heeseung felt his breath hitch a bit, the mere thought of your lips wrapping around his head sends a fury of lust coursing through his body. He already felt some precum leaking out of his cock and the tent only grew bigger when you began to unbuckle his pants.  

“Fuck y/n,” He groaned, watching you began to kneel against hard floor, pulling his trousers until it pooled on his feet. “Are you trying to make me cum before we even start?” 

You let out a small laugh, “You were the one who told me you wanted my lips to break you and make you fall apart.” 

Heeseung let out a loud sigh as you pulled on his boxers, freeing his hard and aroused cock from the confinement. He let his fingers thread through your hair before It rested on a secure grip behind your head.

If you were going to suck him off, he wanted the best view to watch you untangle him. 

“Then I am at your mercy.” He whispered. 

You rest your hand on his thigh before shoving his length into your mouth. Heeseung let out a whined moan, feeling his cock get engulfed by your warm mouth and feeling your tongue dragging at the side of his length where all the veins were protruding out from the stimulation. 

You watch from above as Heeseung closes his eyes from pleasure, shuddering ever so often when you let your tongue slip past his slit and tasting the salty precum.

Heeseung began to groan louder when you hollowed your cheeks, focusing on going up and down his length. He was enjoying the view from above, watching his cock disappearing inside your mouth.

“Fucking shit y/n.” Heeseung’s grip on the back of your head went tighter and you felt him slowly move his hips forward. His action caused his sensitive head to rub against the back of your throat. He was so hard, so big and so solid in your mouth that it was stretching the corners beyond the limits. 

“your mouth feels so fucking good. That’s it baby, right there, yeah just like that.” He praised, eyes rolled to the back at the pleasure.

You tried to control the pace by gripping onto his thighs but Heeseung continued to deep throat you and fucking your mouth until he was a moaning mess. Tears were starting to sting your eyes and you fought hard on your gag reflex to avoid getting choked. 

With one last thrust, his thigh clenches and you watch as he throws his head back, releasing his hot seeds into your mouth. You continue to pump the remaining length but your mouth stays attached to his head, welcoming his cum into your mouth.

You close your eyes shut, swallowing every drop of his seeds until it drips from the corner of your mouth to your chin.

Heeseung’s breathing was labored and he pulled out of your mouth once his high had died down. You relish in the bitter taste of his cum before wiping any excess dripping down.

A small sigh escaped his lips, trying to recover from the intense orgasm. It was everything he dreamed of, it was everything he wanted.

You had always gave him the best head, but being away from you for three months, it was like torture every time he wanted to jerk off.

He always imagine his hand as your wet cunt or your mouth, but even after reaching his climax, it never felt as good as actually having you, which in turned causes him to feel sexually frustrated.

There was something endearing at the way he trailed his hand to your glistening lips, a thumb pressing on the lower part. As much as he wants you to abuse him with those pretty lips of yours, it wouldn’t be enough to satisfy his desire.

“I need you baby, tell me you want this too.” Heeseung tug at your chin, prompting you to stand up. You wrap your hands around his neck as he gently places his hands onto your hips.

“I want you Hee, I want you so bad.”

You mumbled before your lips connected with his. His arm trailed downwards at your back before clutching onto your ass, shoving his bare hard cock against your abdomen.

There was so much desperation in the way he dry hump you. You can’t help but raise a leg to feel the delectable friction even more, giving excess to him as he holds onto the back of your thigh to hook it to his hip.

The knot under your stomach grew deeper as he continued to rub against you. All you can think of is the wetness pooling in your panties as Heeseung continues to nibble at the bottom of your lips.

The mattress cushions your fall when Heeseung pushes you. From where you lay, you watch him quickly pulled his shirt off before he was aiding you in taking yours as well.

“Your so beautiful, so fucking gorgeous you know that?”

The minute you took your bra off Heeseung was quick to murmur those praises while leaving feathering kisses on your cleavage. Every touch of his lips sends waves of pleasure to your core but the minute he sucks a nipple while simultaneously pinching at the other gets you arching your back.

Heeseung worshipped your breast as you continued to mewl and moan at every flick of his tongue against your nipple; gripping on the sheets of the bed while the other was nicely tugging at his hair.

He released you from his mouth when he heard your breath hitch, now tugging at your skirt to remove it. “Do you touch yourself thinking of me?”

You blush at how blunt his words were. Slightly taken aback, you pressed your lips shut, but in fact, the times where you did feel aroused after the break up, you find yourself calling out his name as you pleasured yourself; your face flush with shame when you realize after.

Your silence was all the confirmation he needed.

“Did you touch yourself like this?” He began to rub your folds over your panties, two fingers gliding over before stopping to circle around the sensitive nub of your pussy.

“Heeseung!” you moan, feeling your core pulsate at the friction. Your nails dig into his forearms as you feel your thighs twitch at every teasing motion he did to your clit.

He moved closer to you, watching the way your mouth was agape, eyes squeezing shut when his fingers moved to directly touch your wet folds. Every moan and whimper was music to his ears and he felt something raging and burning in him at the way you call his name.

As much as he likes to finger you until you are a mess, he removes your panties before tossing them to the side, moving closer to align his length against your core.

“Tell me if it hurts, okay?” He tenderly caressed your cheeks, as you nodded.

You couldn’t hold back a loud moan when he slid into you. The stretch was foreign, a bit uncomfortable and it was at this moment you realize how big Heeseung was.

It took you a few seconds to adjust to his size, your walls clenching to every surface of his cock and then you felt it hit you like a truck; the most euphoric pleasure you felt as he filled you to the brim until his pelvis was on yours.

Broken moans erupt from you as Heeseung thrust into you, moving in and out once he heard you begging for him to move. You find yourself reciprocating his movement, bucking your hips to match his thrust.  

You grab a hold of the sheets. The pleasure was so overwhelming and you felt the bubble in you slowly growing bigger and bigger, waiting for that one push to finally pop. 

Heeseung was equally as star struck, groaning ever so often on your ears as his arms, holding him above you, flexed at the side of your face. At this point, the bed frame was swaying at every movement of his hips, but his only focus was how tight and fuckable you feel. 

“Fuck,” you cursed as Heeseung quickens his pace, “Right there Hee, I’m close.” 

When your walls clench tightly around his cock at a particular thrust, Heeseung wasted no time than to repeatedly hit that deep spot. He went absolute feral, his hips wouldn’t stop moving, his pace was fast but he made sure his head railed onto that little bud perfectly. 

“Cum for baby, show me how good I make you feel.” 

He groans lowly, hands now gripping your hips to intensify every thrust. Though he was relentless, you see the longing in his fogging and half lidded eyes. He trailed his hand to your cunt, pressing and playing with you clit to drive you over the edge even more. 

You don’t know how many times you’ve choked over calling out his name. You could only feel your orgasm nearing as he continues to mercilessly hit that perfect spot and circulating his finger over your sensitive knob. 

He wanted to see you unravel, and unravel you did when you cried out his name, your orgasm washing over you like waves. 

The only view you see was the ceiling as you arch your back, toes curling. The bubble that was building up in you burst into oblivion, and you want nothing more than to feel like this forever with Heeseung.

Your walls clenched so tightly onto him that it became the final verdict for him to cum as well, his hoot seeds filling you up. He grunted, biting on his lower lips at the sheer amount of pleasure that overwhelmed him until he swore he saw stars. 

Heeseung slowly pushes through a few final thrusts hoping to savour the orgasm the both of you shared until he no longer feels ropes of cum pouring out.

He pulled out of you, collapsing at the space beside you. The both of you were panting and covered with sweat, still recovering from the climax. Heeseung’s mind was dizzy and exhausted at cumming twice but he shuffled to lay on his side to face you.

His push a few strands of hair stuck to your face and smiled at the way you were still dazed, mouth agape and heartbeat in disarray.

“Hey,” He softly called out, swallowing down his saliva “I love you.”

In contrast how he was previously, Heeseung said those words with the utmost adoration, his doe eyes staring back at you. His hair was a mess but it only adds to the tenderness of the moment as you place your hand on his with a smile on your face.

“I love you too, idiot.”

You look so perfect beside him. He was so stupid to let you go, and of course you’ll want to stay with him. He’ll show the world how much you mean to him.

Taglist: open/send an ask to be added

@mildlystupid​​ @heejaies​

[sarahstudieschem]

28th of July 2021

I studied some physical chemistry again today. Yay 🥲

I also made a plan for my resits. I can study 6/7 days for every exam if i start studying full days on the 7th of August. I think I will have a chance of succeeding if I follow that. So we will see.

Good night everyone!

[talkinbrain]

🌟 11.1.2021 🌟

hii it was the last day of the break yesterday so i’m getting back to work today! during the holidays, i studied a bit of chinese, rested, listened to mitski a lot, managed to move apartments and got a new tattoo so one would say well spent five out of five

in this term i ”only” have programming 1 (!!!!!!!!) and academic writing but i’m also going to try keep working on my chinese studies. i have one resit exam this week (introduction to entrepreneurship) and possibly others later if i decide to take them to get better grades.

:)

the art on the wall: @/fillinoctis on twitter

[it-is-the-female-federal]

Hey gyns, I know a lot of you come here for the positivity and today I am writing something which feels a bit double.

Past year I did my bachelor's thesis and got a bloody great grade on it. My courses to be let into my master's were a succes and I passed all of them, 2 even with pretty great grades for Dutch standards. I got into my master of choice right away and got my bachelor's degree. All quite impressive things considering how much I struggled with no structure or guiding deadlines from uni. I struggled with my motivation and concentration and sometimes I felt like I would be able to have done more if I just did not have ADD.

The first quarantine I was able to meet a friend once in a while face to face while we kept our distance. Friends were better at keeping up and tried to keep up online. After the summer it went okay. In summer we were a bit more free, while trying our best to stay safe. Around October people stopped trying, some even stopped coming over eventhough I saw no one outside of 1 day a week babysitting. I was lucky to speak a friend once a month online. Christmas and New Year were lonely. My younger brother had a few friends that did their best to jeep in touch and hang out safely outside with him. It felt, still feels, heartbreaking that after everything my friends supported me with the past years, a pandemic was what made us lose touch with one another.

And now it is March again. I sometimes see a friend, not often. I still only see my babysit children and with the curfew my mom and I can't go on an evening walk when the house feels too small. It doesn't feel as if my master has started. In all this I bled through the pill, since I forgot that I was already taking it for 3 months (deal with my doctor, talked about this extensively). So, I needed to stop. I also have an exam this wednesday eventhough it doesn't feel like my master has started. It doesn't feel like I have an exam, so something keeps me from studying. My emotion eating out of loneliness has become worse, although we do not have enough snacks in the house and even then I do not crave it as much as I used to. All these things now seem to come together and I feel like I am in a slump.

I have decided that I am only going to focus on the assignment that I need to hand in as a part of my grade. Will make the exam ofcourse, but I am not going to study as if my life depended on me and already accepted that I probably need to take the resit. It is what is best for my mental health at the moment. A few years ago I never could have taken this descision and would have worked myself to headaches and even worse emotion eating. I am proud of what I have accomplished, but because the only people that seem to congratulate me are family and all of you, it feels hollow. I miss being able to celebrate it with friends, but what is worse is that I do not speak them outside of these little messages once every few months. I have been sick of being the one that always messages first of to carry a conversation. It is honestly exhausting having only my mom to talk, which is why I am glad to be here. I wanted to write this down, not only to get this off my chest, but also to show to others that we are all going through things sometimes and it is okay to make descisions that feel wrong, because you finally put your mental health first.

As I am typing this, I honestly feel like crying. But my mom and younger brother are still downstairs and I do not feel like making a big deal out of this, since I know it is from feeling isolated and we are all going through this. I hope my story might help one of you, like you helped me stay sane during this insane year.

[aeronauticalstudyblr]

March 23rd, 2021

Today was another day of lectures, project stuff and working on my "Statics 2 Assignment resit". Last term, we had to hand in said assignment in pairs (didn'twork out). I ended up having to do the report part of the assignment in a few days, while I was also studying hard for exams, so I failed the assignment. Now the resit is redoing the same exact thing to get it to a passing grade, so it's not too much work.

(Left is failed assignment, right is resit attempt.)

I have to hand it in this Friday at noon, so I still have some work to do, but I feel like I'm doing very well so far!

[autumndesk]

hii! i’ve been struggling to study since the last couple of weeks. i just can’t get myself to study because i’m overwhelmed by the amount of work that i need to do. i just end up wasting my time and procrastinate. do you have any tips for time management? also, how do you motivate yourself to stay motivated and get work done?

hiii! sorry for the very late response, i was having finals!

what helped me is making a list of what i needed to get done: which online classes do i still have to watch, what course material do i already understand, which projects / deadlines do i still have to do?

then i made a timetable. i picked out the day i wanted to start the actual studying for my finals. then i divided the days i had left over the work i needed to get done. it was a relief for me to see that i still had enough time, because you can spread your amount of work over time. maybe it can help you feel less overwhelmed.

what also helps me with trying to stay on schedule is thinking ‘if i don’t finish what i had planned for today, i’ll only make it harder for myself in the coming days. i have a schedule i can keep up with, so don’t mess it up’.

i try to keep myself motivated with the thought ‘i have to do / watch / study this eventually, so i might as well do it now’. i considered not doing my last exam this semester, but i thought ‘i am now in a study mood, i’ve already seen all the course material so all i need to do is study it. all my friends and peers are having finals, everyone needs to study during this shitty time, so i better do it now than do it as a resit and having to study during the summer holidays’. i took the final eventually and passed, so i’m very happy i pushed through. 

it’s also easy to give up / not do something / postphone. ask yourself: is what i’m doing right now useful / beneficial? if no, stop what you’re doing and try to use your time useful, especially if you’re already on a tight schedule.

it’s not always easy to be motivated and to keep studying, but sometimes ibeing strict and pushing yourself is what you need. i had to redo two courses because i didn’t push myself enough to keep going and it didn’t benefit me at all. even if you don’t pass a final, at least you tried. anything is better than giving up.

remember: it always seems impossible until it’s done. you’ll be a lot prouder of yourself if you keep working on your future than if you just give up. 

good luck!!

[radperfectionwinner]

My Motherhood Journey Helped Me Redefining The Definition Of Life in 2020

 My life in 2020 begins with a special chapter on December, 19th, 2019. It was the month when my daughter was born. I still remember when I first held her in my arms. She was so tiny while holding her I was thinking that hurt her.

 Pinak (my daughter) and our exams

 I had my finals in December 2019 starting from the 18th. I went to give my first exam and the next day I was in labor.

 Now, I have to resit my exams which were in January 2021.

As my 4 exams were left. An exam board decided that the students had to come to the university itself for their exams.

 Our four day routine

So, every morning, we started at 6 o’clock and reached the university in three hours as my exam was at 10 am. And yes, Pinak was with me during all four exams. She was only a month old so I could not leave her at home. She only depends on breastfeed and I cannot stay away from her for that long.

 I used to leave her with her dad for 3 hours- exam timing in a car. It was not easy for me as a mother because you feel like you are not a good mother. How can you leave your daughter behind for your personal benefit. I still remember how many times I controlled my tears everytime I left her behind.

 Inside the examination hall I was giving an exam ,but I also know that outside the building Pinak was also giving a life exam waiting for her mother.

 Earlier, I was having this misconception that our children make us weak. And our situations become difficult since we have more responsibilities. But it is untrue.

 My Exam Preparation with my daughter

 She hardly slept at night and sometimes I did feel like I failed my exam because I was not able to focus on my subjects. She wanted to be with me all the time and I also wanted the same.

 Cholestasis of pregnancy

 When she was inside me I was not able to study due to nausea, dizziness, and excitement. I also developed a sort of itching problem called cholestasis of pregnancy. Less than 10% of women in the world experience it during pregnancy.

 Don’t take me wrong. I do not want to scare you that pregnancy is a nightmare. It is a blessing.

 But everything is normal in pregnancy. 

 For example my kaki, in other words, my aunt, every time I complain about my itching she laughs and replies  “it is normal baba don't worry”. In some countries, women around you  often advise you that even severe itching is normal.  I will share my whole experience about it in my next post.

 This is how I managed to give all four exams with Pinak on my side all the time.

 Unleash my strengths

 Pinak actually gave birth to a new me. Within a month, I cleared all my exams.

I appeared for my IELTS and scored C1 level with 8.5 in Listening in March, 2020.

I took admission in the TESOL Postgraduate program in August, 2020.

Learn how to drive a car in October, 2020. 

 People say that women become weak after a child's birth but here I got extra strength. Now we are two.

  A daughter’s message for her mother

 Every time I look at her innocent face, she crosses each milestone like she is saying to mom," I am here for you. I know all your pains. I am your true admirer. Do it for me."

 Today I am writing this article and I am not worried about what people will say about me.

 Because I know many out there in the audience are mommies from inside like me irrespective of gender.

  Liked my post connect with me on twitter

https://twitter.com/TARUNAS39504317

Or facebook

https://www.facebook.com/tanu.sharma.1612/

[melanie-studies13]

Summer Study Challenge 2020

24th August - Do you like wearing sunglasses?

I don’t really wear them too often since I have regular glasses, but on really sunny days or when I’m driving I’ll definitely wear them!

25th August - Do you wear sunscreen?

When I’m going outside and it is sunny then I have to because I’m super pale😂

I’m part of the 50+ SPF factor

I also wear a day cream with SPF in it everyday!

26th August - Have you ever been really badly sunburnt? 

YES! Because I’m so pale I burn really easily, but my stubborn ass is sometimes like ‘Its not that sunny’ or ‘I’m not going outside for so long’ and then I don’t wear sunscreen. But when I come home I’ll look like this 🦐 and I’ll regret every decision I made 😂

———

Today I’m studying in the school library! I really love it here! I have my last resit exam tomorrow so pray for me!

[pinkvetstudies]

fun cardio study is today’s jam

I was able to resit the pratical exam that I missed, so praise the Lord and my module coordinator for that!

I have two exams on Monday: cardio and resp resit and then herd health

it was a horrible day when I woke up, absolutely pouring, but it’s cleared up a bit now

hope you guys all have a productive day! love always xx

[br--kh]

i'm afraid. but strangely calm and idk why so i'm gonna type my thoughts out here to find out

i have my 1st of 2 resits for the histo final now on friday. the first try back in june went horrible. the questions were absolutely crazy. i was having such a hard time trying not to lose focus during the actual exam. it was terrible and not just for me. a little over 70% failed. i'm just hoping the department learned something from that mess. i hope they make the resit more reasonable and fair. that way i do have the confidence to pass it. it's a multiple choice exam so i am more comfortable with it because i'm usually good with connecting key words. so inshaallah that will be fine.

the real problem is anatomy. i passed the practical part (aka biggest obstacle ever bc of my anxiety) on monday and had the 1st resit for the theoretical part on tuesday. i was somewhat confident even though i didn't feel prepared enough. i don't really know where that confidence came from? maybe from passing the practical? something that seemed so impossible? idk. maybe! but anyway, it wasn't a terrible exam. most of the questions were quite alright. there were some annoying ones i really wanted to complain and argue about but also saw no point bc this department at our school is probably the worst to try and be reasonable with. so i just did my best on the exam. and i failed. i checked my paper the next morning. yes, i had mostly very stupid mistakes. i even had one mistake that cost me 2 points just because i was answering only the first half of the question. i literally had no memory of reading the second part of that question. it was kind of frustrating. it was really just me being careless. something that has created problems for me in the past too. something i yet have to fix. other mistakes were listing one extra structure and one structure too little in two different answers. so another two points. other than that there were those two annoying questions which cost me 3 points and it was more the question's fault for being worded the way it was than my fault. also the department's fault for being so damn stubborn and full of themselves that they will deny any accusation of them making mistakes ever. i literally heard a girl trying to argue about those exact two questions i wanted to bring up to the prof but she got turned down so badly by him that i didn't see a point in doing anything about it. but at least that proved to me that i wasn't the only one having a problem with the wording of the questions. anyway! enough about that. it doesn't matter anymore. i failed this one and now i only have 1 last chance to pass the subject and eventually first year of med school. i should be scared. and i probably am. but i guess i'm just too tired to really feel it? if that's a thing?? i also feel like i'm more confident about how to revise for it now. even though i'll only have 3 days i feel like it will do more for me than this whole summer. maybe thst's why i'm calm. and maybe it's also because i've gotten the habit of praying properly and regularly back this past month. it has really helped me in these past few really hectic days. it's honestly great knowing i can just leave it all to God at this point. because i am actually trying my best now.

tomorrow i'll study for a bit at home until the library opens and then i think it's best for me to just go there for the rest of the day. i don't trust myself in the privacy of my room anymore. today i got distracted a little bit too much. i was productive enough but it could have been better! so yeah. either i go to the library or a cafe. anywhere public.

i have also made quite a nice plan for the three days i'll have for anatomy so if only i can get histo over with on friday everything will really be fine. inshaallah.

so what do i have to fix that will make my exam-taking skills better? bc that's really the biggest thing in the way for me passing thse damn exams. anyways so i will

1. read the questions fully

2. understand the questions fully (or at least try)

3. not half-give-up in the middle of the exam just because one or two questions felt impossible

4. read/check my own answers fully

5. trust my first choice because it's right 90% of the time and i've had enough of losing points after changing my answer to the incorrect one too many times

6. not count my points during the exam!! only care about answering the questions the best i can

[the-orangeauthor]

Its GCSE results day! A-level students should read too.

Good luck and congratulations to all of you gettig your results today!! My brither is too so hes had this lecture already but I think you should all hear it.

If your results are not what you were expecting and are too low, stop and take a deep breath.

GCSE's are not the be all and end all of academics, if you still want to study further there are many ways to do so. Even if you are happy with your results, make sure you explore all your options.

1) Apprenticeships are on the rise - exams not for you? Then apy for more pactical, work based positions rather than suffering through college. Apprenticeships go upto degree level qualifications, so its perfectly fine to skip college and uni to take this route.

2) level 2 and 3 functional skills courses in english and maths are available if you failed them, or take a year in college to resit them

3) BTEC qualifications in college are becoming more and more accepted by universities, so if your grades only make the cut for the BTEC version of your course, its okay.

4) colleges offer additional pathways. These hold UCAS points equivalent to half an A-level and can help boost your UCAS points when applying to university

5) work experience does wonders for your CV. Do some. Even if its just 2 weeks in the summer holidays or a weekend job. Do it.

6) open university allows distant learning and online courses

7) Stop. Relax. You've got this. Education is important but its not more important that your health. Think you need a break? Take a year off and do something different, like working etc, before heading back into school

If you just got your A-level results last week and are still crying like I was, dont worry, I have tips.

1) APPRENTICESHIPS

2) there is no shame in taking a foundation year before your degree if you still want to go to university, I did and it was amazing.

3) maybe take a year out and do some work, find your feet and see what you really want to do, then revisit steps 1 and 2

You'll be okay, I promise.

[juleswolverton-hyde]

Excerpt from Raven’s diary

March 14th 2019 Untangling thoughts

Why am I so concerned with putting out content? The last three days have been filled with non-stop writing, editing and publishing, resulting in ‘Faded Songs’ and ‘Cheshire’.

On one hand, it is a good sign because I am being productive after a long period of writer’s block and lack of motivation because of it.

However, on the other, it makes me wonder if the urge to deliver does not come at a price. That of education, in particular. Also at that of health.

Although, in case of the latter, the headache might also just be due to the central heating so I should turn it off at night. Maybe that will improve sleeping. Furthermore, I should drink more water to prevent future dry patches.

So much to manage...

Ugh, my mind is one giant clusterfuck.

Alright, let’s just list what needs to get done TOMORROW (free day!):

- Find one more argument for the Wordsworth essay.

- Go to the gym (can’t get lazy).

- Work on DTRH ch 7 (in case that doesn’t happen today).

Should be manageable. Oh, right. Wait! Add posting the JM X AUTUMN MOODBOARD to that.

Fortunately, the last week of classes starts on Monday and week 8 is free for deadlines and studying for the exams. Sadly, this likely means no time for creative writing or in very small amounts. Notwithstanding, I could do what I’ve done thus far and neglect studying a wee bit (a whole lot) in favour of inked freedom...

It is tempting.

Monday 1/4/2019 13:30-16:30 Educ Alfa, Linguistics

Tuesday 2/4/2019 Free! (Room for journaling)

Wednesday 3/4/2019 11:00-13:00 Educ Alfa, Literature

Friday 5/4/2019 deadline research proposal (FoEL)

Sunday 7/4/2019 11:55 flight to Helsinki, 16:30 to Incheon

Two weeks of freedom, of travelling on the horizon. I wonder if much has changed. Just don’t let it be so I get asked out for dinner again. Notwithstanding, I can’t walk too far ahead of myself yet. First, exams. Dear God, let me pass them with at least a 5.5 because resits are Hell.

Furthermore, what do I want to get done before then? - Finish DTRH ch 7 - Finish (at last) the epilogue of ‘Bruised’

Let’s just begin with those two goals and see from there.

I should do this more often; just putting my private chaotic mind to paper every once in a while in order to try and order it. Maybe I should keep a travel diary as well.

Anyhow, everything is a bit clearer now.

Uh, good.

[sarahstudieschem]

28th of August 2021 - day 20 of 29

It’s been a week or so since I last posted, oops. It always gets a bit busy when the exams actually start. Sorry for that!

On Wednesday I had two exams of advanced organic chemistry. The exercise exam went really well in my opinion, the theory exam also when okay. Yesterday I had the resit exam of physical chemistry, and tbh I think I will have to retake this class next year. Both the exercise and theory exam were really hard!

Now I’m studying for the resit exam of chemical process technology that takes place on Friday. Luckily I have a week to study for it, because today I had a really hard time concentrating. idk why, I did sleep well.

Anyways, after dinner I’m going to redo my nails, since I know I won’t accomplish a lot of studying after dinner since the whole day was just meh.

Have a great evening everyone!!