#but i still love my real friends tho

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[sysig]

Two big softies(?) (Patreon)

[rainbowpufflez]

Giovanni homophobia arc™️

[magentagalaxies]

First teaser for The Buddy Cole Documentary, from our wonderful executive producer Bruce McCulloch!

[boxwinebaddie]

Hi Uncle Nina! What kind of movies do Ravenstan and Jerseykyle like to watch? ^^

OOOOOOOH! so as with everything, i Definitely think jersey is a snob. movies are no exception. also he does not call movies 'movies', he 100% is annoying and pretentious as fuck and uses 'film' or 'cinema'. also speaking of being pretentious, annoying and the word 'cinema', i think ravesey's dynamic is super funny for a lot of reasons but in this case, it's funny to me bc when style watches movies together, kyle says shit like 'y'know i like the plot progression of the film, but i'm not a big fan of the cinema topography."

— and stan trying to be big brain is like "ya! i also hate the cinnamontophography." <3 skdhsldsk bless him and kyle is abt to correct him bc ohhh my fucking god, but lowkey he tried his best and that was very cute, so kyle just kisses him on the cheek, squeezes his shoulder, stifles a laugh and is like "well, i guess you're the expert, cinnamon boy." <3 jersey stop being Sweet and Lovely!!!

anyways, jersey is giving me the energy of those kids in elementary school that adults say have an 'old soul' and likes really complex abstract movies, foreign films in black and white that play at some tiny theater for $5 on fridays, which, kyle is obviously a homebody and hates other people, but when he needs air or is feeling briefly zesty/willing to endure human beings enough to see a movie ( which, granted, it's def just him and the old ass man/annoying indie college student that run the place shooting the shit in there ), he will...make the trip out there and buy a pack of skittles and a sparkling ice ( okay, i had an anon say that kyle probably drinks those sparkling ice drinks and i fucking cried bc he DEFINETELY does and it's def the black cherry flavor bc kyle is cherry coded, however he will also accept the raspberry one or the fruit punch in a punch ) and ofc only eat the red skittles, smh.

i do think he still likes all the regular kyle scifi movies/high fantasy movies, stuff with dystopian societies/political uprisings ( him & stan have overlap there and obvi some high fantasy/scifi stuff but kyle has to explain a lot of it, kyle do be mansplaining shit but its okay because stan loves the sound of his voice <3 gay ) specifically things with deep complex lore, movies with puzzles/things that need to be solved, def watched interstellar a couple times and like, donnie darko bc of all the time lore ( that movie does freak him out btw, he was clenching hard the first time he watched it because he thought that the fucking rabbit dude was gonna kill everyone and it was gonna turn into a horror movie which...more on that subject l8r )

and i bet you he says his fav movie is some big brain movie in like swedish, black and white, is all philisophical and pretentious and deep but tbh...? i think jersey's favorite movies are specifically old romance movies like fkn casablanca, gone with the wind type stuff. yes, kyle being a secret romantic boy is very cute to me, i fucking love him so much, he is secretly v sentimental and warm.

if you've seen gossip girl, jersey is a blair waldorf variant

( which, okay sidebar for nina lore but i watched a fuck ton of gossip girl growing up and i had such a fat crush on serena van der woodsen, like not even blake lively, specifically serena van der woodsen like i have mental problems, i would not fumble her, fuck you so much, dan humphrey, serena please ONE CHANCE!!!!!! )

and i think he fucks very heavy with audrey hepburn and her movies, like roman holiday, sabrina, okay my fair lady is so jersey coded bc of his new jersey slaughterhouse accent/its a musical and he is a dork, he does like musicals so much buuuut i think his favorite movie is my favorite movie which is...breakfast at tiffany's. WHICH???

okay, if you think about it is super interesting given stan's previous line of work ( which okay, i know he wasn't really doing anything and just sort of enduring it to be able to sing, but being trapped in that uncomfortable, hypersexual environment and being constantly percieved & being constantly obsessed over. )

he do be skipping over the all the really insensitive shit w/ the overblown racist asian caricature of holly's neighbor ( that man is too loud anyways he's like please shut up, his ears are sensitive...both to sound and just in general, fml there's a nsfw headcannon abt that ) but idk all the romantic stuff is very cute, he likes the cinnamontophography, all of holly's stuff about getting over her fear of commitment, the fashion statements...chef's kiss to him.

i think he also fucks secretly with pride and prejudice like pep!kyle wHERE IS THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE THEMED MARRIAGE PROPOSAL STAN I'M WAITING!!!! kyle can quote it line for line, i think he likes when they're set in victorian periods like omg i bet you he watched bridgerton and was obsessed lmaooo, all the adpations of emma jane austen movies, atonement...stuff like that. he does make stan watch them with him sometimes and stan is so hopeless his adhd is so bad he needs ACTION also all the shakespeare-y speak stresses him out so bad, he asks so many questions and can't sit still.

he does...sigh, strategically time makeout sessions In The Middle Of Movies when he gets bored, kyle is like stanley marsh that is not going to work...it does...work everytime skdhshds speaking of that nsfw hc, kyle's neck and ears are hella sensitive so if you like drag ur teeth along his ear or start trailing kisses down his neck, his mind goes completely blank, stan does it when kyle's yelling at him about stuff all the time, kyle gets so mad at him later...and i do mean later because he is like i have to do something first ( hint: it's stan, lmao )

SPEAKING OF STAN!!!!! in vein of them being opposites attract kings, stan is naught an old soul ( i mean, in terms of music, he is sorta vintage ) and fucks very heavy with new movies. he really likes actiony stuff, lots of explosions and shit, very loud, very fast-paced. i feel like he likes superhero movies, like part of the stan name is because he was like eight and thought stan lee was a GENIUS. he watched into the spiderverse like...40 times. he has mental problems. stan likes cars, he does like the fast and furious movies, smh.

i think he...Specifically likes horror movies, though? because he is a spooky ooky edgy boy halloween KING? they just scratch an itch in his brain and he is engaged the entire time because there is either constant suspense or crazy amounts of action and running around. KYLE HATES IT, BTW!!!! kyle is a scaredy cat. like he is the scariest motherfucker on planet earth in person, but the silences and shit freak him out so much, he is not good with jump scares, he is behind his hands, in stan's lap, swearing soooo much like stanstanstan what the fuck I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT WAS THE INVISIBLE MAN, I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF, HOLY SHIT DID THAT JUST mOVE??? stan is deeply amused and thinks it is adorable, so he does subject kyle to stan spooky scary movie hour sometimes just to hold him...gaaaaay! idk which one is his favorite i have to get back to you on that. if you have suggestions like me know haha i am also...a scaredy cat.

a couple last things on stan and horror movies though is, i feel like that might be a contreversial take because stan doesn't like blood, but i think the scenarios being fake and because he works with so much fake blood doing whore-ror crimson dawn music videos, he just knows what it looks like and can tell hella quick. if he knows it's not real, it does not freak him out. i think he only thing he doesn't like is animals being killed...like people are fine??? help??? oh my god??? but not dogs or anything. he will cry and cower.

i also think that...weirdly...it combats his ptsd? specfifically final girl type movies where someone lives and kills the antagonist in a horror movie because it's very...relevant to him and reminds him that you can survive something horrible and be okay. and again, even when it's a total wipeout and not a happy ending, the catharsis of being scared and surprised is relaxing to him and knowing scary things can happen and be fake/everyday is not war or hell is good for him. he does avoid specifically triggering things with farms or fire? unless there is something where setting something on fire as a final girl/boy saves the town or everyone because...again...relevant and healing.

idk...complicated, but we get my gist, yeah?

i think they do a movie night once a week or something and they alternate choosing...they also complain bc their movie tastes are so different but love conquers all lmao, and they can always watch lotr and star wars and stuff. I THINK WHEN THEY'RE BEING CUTE THEY WATCH STUDIO GHIBLI MOVIES AND STUFF??? SO CUTE OMG. speaking of cartoons and anime adjacent things...stan do be making kyle watch stanime...kyle is in hell...jersey is like why are there so many boobs, why are they screaming, why are there 1000 episodes, he does also strategically plan makeout sessions ( i am so sorry it doesn't always work, stans boyfail cringe energy is so strong it's so awful, kyle is like literally on top of him and is like ;) if you turn the tv off, i can turn something else on and stan is like baby, you are blocking the epic battle scene, he's about to charge up his attack!!! KHDLSK I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN KYLE IS GONNA KILL HIM )

they do watch a lot of tv shows together, kyle's comfort television shows are still say yes to the dress and masterchef/gordon ramsey food network cooking competition type stuff — bc i'm watching next level chef, they are also watching next level chef and they scream so much like bRO HE'S GONNA MISS THE PLATFORM WHAT THE FUCK WHAT IS HE DOING!!!! it's so funny

speaking of say yes to the dress tho and stuff like that when kyle comes in all busted up from his bar fight and stan's patching it up, towards the end of that interaction right before they get back together, kyle is like "did you watch the new one?" and stan's like "no. i couldn't watch it without you. & even if i could, i wouldn't bc i don't know, i just didn't want to think about people being in..."

and kyle just takes a deep, steep breath and is like...

"...love."

and stan nods.

fuck my life.

ANYWAYS! there you go!

-uncle nina, butcherer of headcannons

[ennaih]

Not Every Film I Watch In 2024

1. Dan In Real Life (2007) -- a rewatch

[todayisafridaynight]

So what's one of your favorite Tsutsumi fits 😉

random as hell question to be askin 🤨 so mysterious...

but since you did ask probably this one <3 from the second episode of pure <3

[zhongrin]

◆

— fin.

alrighty, i will be cuddling the shit out of a certain dragon after this but before that, a small bonus (read: silly doodles) because we all need therapy after all that (or at least i do) -

1:

2:

"i had a nightmare."

"but i just went to buy milk-"

/silly

3:

we both have separation anxiety now so that's that 👍🏻

[guinevereslancelot]

i am unknowable and incapable of love goodnight <3

[helennorvilles]

i was reading our book club book aloud to my friend and she was all complimenting me on my reading bc of the ‘flow’ apparently and wow what a thing to now feel so loved for

[wabblebees]

PACK IT UP BOYS WE HAVE COMMITTED A SOCIAL BLUNDERRR

[skittidyne]

It's been two months!! How are you feeling? How are sales going? Have you found a name for a sequel? What can we do to help?

you're very sweet anon!

i just checked the sales (that i can easily access) because i haven't for awhile, and not after that book blog tour i tried, and it only serves to remind me that ingramspark is very confusing with their sales reports.

BUT. if i'm doing my math correctly and ingramspark isn't doing something really stupid, then i've very much broken triple digits on my sales!

not only that, but WOAH NELLY WHAT IS THIS

i... actually don't know what that is. it can't be just my books, because i only have one available through them. but it seems hard to believe that it's #2 overall?? i'm not selling that much. (yet!!) but it makes for a really neat screenshot to take! it also gave me a little gold ribbon on my book thumbnail :'3

i have NOT found a title, and i hate that Very Much, but that's also something i can't ask for outside advice on because holy legality batman.

THAT SAID. here is a list of ways to help your local skitty author with her local guides to the supernatural:

REVIEW. review my books on amazon and goodreads and wherever else you want!

TELL PEOPLE TO BUY MY BOOK! friends, family, libraries, your boss who is cool with queer content and swearing, and maybe your influencer cat who makes more money than you or i will ever dream of!

send asks! i love asks! and again: you're very sweet, anon :> these fill me with warm fuzzies and the support needed to scowl my way through editing for preptober

make fanart! make fanfic! make SOMETHING. i know a lot of people are like "i can't make anything ;O;" but trust me. y'all can. go make natalie's mashed potatoes! make a playlist! make the vorpal sword! crochet a unicorn! hunt an afanc! find a taxidermied jackalope to take promo pics with! talk about it on social media (and tag me; i'll talk back)! everything that fandom does generates hype for a series, and weird things are great.

i'll be looking for beta readers and ARC reviewer/readers in coming months, so do one of those! or both! (i think you can be both? i don't see why not?)

help me figure out a way to get the cool promo pictures i took on my fancy camera onto my laptop because i only just have realized that my stupid laptop doesn't even have a normal-sized SD card port

seriously tho, keep sending asks. questions, comments, liveblogs, predictions, anything! (except title name ideas, because if you come up with a really cool one, i can't use it, and then i'll be peeved i can't use it.)

stream distractible & go my favorite sports team on podcast sites so i can partake of markiplier's onlyfans. that will support me A Lot.

[kaeyachi]

i miss kaeya :(

[angelsdean]

probs won't hit post limit bc i spent a good chunk of the day watching smallville

[thatfaerieprincess]

I often forget how badly the cold can fuck me up and then one slightly-too-chilly-for-slightly-too-long outing and I’m out of commission for the rest of the damn day…

No outdoor winter job for me I guess