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#but i thought we could power through
goldensunset · 1 year
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*skibby voice* i used to rule the world…
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orcelito · 1 year
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ok I don't think we as a fandom talk about the way Vash cries blood enough
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we only see it once or twice from what I remember, the one definite time being here ^ when the puppet attack first begins & he's dealing with the emotional agony of seeing so many of his family turn into puppets.
so it's clearly something that comes out only when he's in severe emotional distress.
the interesting thing is that Wolfwood is fucking TERRIFIED of him bc of it.
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whatever this moment is, Vash is giving off the same sort of oppressive energy that Wolfwood's experienced with Knives. it's the first time during their travels that he's really been forced to recognize What Vash Is. he knew it of course, saw him in Jeneora, but he's such a goofy guy it's easy to forget.
but whatever Vash is doing here, it makes Wolfwood Incredibly aware of what he is.
so the real question i think is What exactly is going on here? is it unintentional? is it simply a response to the emotional agony?
Vash isn't the type to indiscriminately terrify everyone in the vicinity on purpose. he wouldn't be doing this purposefully out of anger while Wolfwood's there. no, in this moment, he's not even angry at all. he's Distraught.
going from This
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to this
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in just a moment.
yeah. that's some fucking emotional agony. i dont think Vash is doing this entirely on purpose.
but THEN...
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as both Leonof and Wolfwood stare at him in fear, Both feeling his oppressive energy, Vash then lets out some sort of blast that blows against everything between him and Leonof. it doesn't destroy anything, doesn't even injure him, but it's a physically tangible effect that scares the Shit out of Leonof & spurs him into motion.
there may be some anger involved in this moment, but it's not the hair-trigger rage you would expect from seeing his family turned into puppets. it's something Quiet, something almost cold. he's distraught, Resigned, & retaliating just because he has to.
Vash hates all of this. he doesn't want to fight him. he fucking Knows this guy too, knew him as a kid, & none of this makes sense. but he knows that he needs to fight him, & doesn't have any kind of choice.
but he's not happy about it. not in the slightest.
#speculation nation#fanny reads trigun#fanny's trigun analysis#trigun#trigun spoilers/#trimax spoilers/#adding that tag for tag goers. since this is a very trimax moment.#im just fascinated by the implications here. there's so much we don't see about Vash's abilities. him and Knives both.#there's the implication that he can read people's minds in the way he sometimes responds to thought boxes#and also the entire mental conversation he has with Legato. NONE of this is brought up.#the way Knives created that tree. they obviously can generate vegetation just like their sisters. or at least Knives can.#Vash creates that barrier. which I see as an extreme manipulation of gravity to prevent anything from going through.#and of course there's the explosions. with the angel arm theyre huge.#but then we see at least once Vash turn his finger into a lil canon. aka it can be done in a smaller form#and also the implications of him just making Bomb Bullets? mini versions of his giant explosions? What??????#so it brings the question of What If they could do these things on smaller scales? would Vash be capable of minor manipulations of gravity?#would Knives be able to just generate a fruit in his hand?#so many weird little things!!!! and we have no idea!!!!!!#but ykno what me as a fanfiction writer my entire PURPOSE is to extrapolate from canon. which includes their weird ass powers.#aka im going to make assumptions from the little bits we see in canon and im gonna RUN with them#definitely looking to do something with This moment too. Vash's oppressive energy... it will Definitely be fun.
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friendrat · 5 months
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The problem with the church today is that so many "Christians" do not actually believe in redemption.
#unironically christian#i say this because of all the people who make comments about people's testimony#like saying they don't believe that only fans girl who was saved and baptized was really saved#like... reading through the comments it becomes clear that the “Christians” don't actually accept her#like... my brother in Christ... your good deeds are as worthy as my used pad#that is straight up in the bible#you are not better than her and you do not deserve redemption more than her#her salvation is between her and God#and yes... you say that time will reveal her fruit and you are correct#but guess what#ananias was called to extend a hand to paul *before* his fruit showed#and he was a frigging serial killer who was out for ananias's blood the week before#you do not get to pick and choose which converts you get to except#you are not God and thank heavens for it because if you were we would all be doomed#*deep breath*#i am just so sick of this... farse... that Christianity has become#Christians need a wake up call#oh! and and when you act like its impossible to accept that she could be saved you belittle God's power#you call into question Jesus's blood and it's ability to cleanse and if that is false your salvation is worthless!#also also you go against the things clearly written in the Bible while wearing the title of Christian#which means you are misrepresenting God's nature and intentions which means you are breaking the command to not take the lord's name in vain#wow... i thought i was done at the deep breath... guess not😅#rat rants
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viral-spirals · 8 months
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THE MAGNUS PROTOCOL SPOILERS for episode 4!!!!!
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can we talk about how similar these feel
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hunsa-jars · 12 days
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Dread be dreading
#ughg#i usually have awful thoughts randomly popping up here or there#make me pretty anxious for a few days then i won't think about them for a while#but man i can't handle doubts suddenly resurfacing#like this monday i was listening to my last lecture and everything bad i cooked up a in the past few months hit me like a truck#couldn't even focus i was too busy internally chanting shit fuck i don't want this i made a huge mistake shit shit#i won't be able to handle all this responsibility i'm so tired this will butcher my mental health should have chosen media studies fuuuck#what was i thinking what am i gonna do help#then proceeded to distract myself with an electric outlet otherwise i might have started crying#:/#and those thoughts aren't wrong unfortunately#i love this university and the classes and the things i study#the teachers and my classmates and the kids i got to take care of#but i don't think i could do this for real#i'm not even struggling with anything i'm just scared and tired as hell#and thought i could just. power through it- like if i'm stubborn enough it won't matter that it's draining#but damn#and hell originally i came here because i wanted to teach english to kids#i guess my expectations were too high i don't feel like i've learned anything that useful this far#and turns out it won't get better#we just gonna do presentations again#to be fair i loved researching nursery rhymes but i hoped we would have... more. of that#also about media studies. chief... i crave to be there#could have picked the english specialization there too- i'm a moron. a bozo. holy shit#well. gonna go through this semester either way. because again everything i study here (almost everything) is genuinely great and useful#and perhaps i'm just in a Pit right now#the dread pit#should probably break this to my sister. somehow#random squeak
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dimiclaudeblaigan · 1 year
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No but something I love is how fucking loyal Miklan really is (in Hopes specifically since we don't have enough information in Houses).
At the camp, he takes his job seriously. Very seriously. He doesn't act begrudging or like he's just doing anything by force. As the chapters go on he not only goes from relatively aloof to a full fledged commander (which is great development in that span of chapters btw considering how fast the story has to progress) and one who fights for Faerghus because he wants to (why would he reassure the player that he's going to, literally, hold down the fort? Why doesn't he flee when his life is in immediate danger despite that Dimtiri prefers his allies to flee and save their lives over sacrificing themselves? Why does he like helping citizens who had their lands destroyed by the war, despite being a bandit who used to plunge towns just like those?).
At any time when the Empire was attacking, he could've surrendered and even joined their side because of not liking Faerghus and its people... if he didn't like Faerghus and its people. Also, someone brought this up to me once that Miklan likely has family in the Empire still, because his mother was from the Empire. He had a perfectly good out that wouldn't even necessarily be considered treason to Faerghus, i.e. surrendering and going to the Empire to protect that side of his family.
He doesn't. He dies for Faerghus. It was both a matter of honor due to the fact that he was finally living the life he always should've been and wanted to be respected for that, and also his loyalty that followed in the past's wrongs being righted. No matter what you think of Miklan post disinheritance, he was the heir who was removed because he didn't have a Crest. All over just that, despite that Sylvain having a Crest never meant they didn't still have someone capable of fighting off Sreng invasions.
They had someone able to wield the Lance of Ruin, so why did it matter if he was officially the heir? Miklan felt like his life was stolen from him (and I'm not saying what he did to Sylvain was okay either). Dimitri gave him all of that back and he started to become loyal to Faerghus and its king because Dimitri was giving the chance even the man's own father never gave him from the moment Sylvain was determined to have a Crest.
What happened in his life before Dimitri had him brought to him as soon as he became king is, in a way, almost like it never happened as far as Miklan's behavior. It was obviously there at first, but over time it's like it never happened. That is, if someone met him and didn't know about his past, by chapter 9 they'd never even know he'd had that history. He was the person he would've been years ago if he hadn't been disinherited, which led to the mess that led to him being disowned (and he says he just "left", but Matthias doesn't mince facts. At all. If that had been the case he wouldn't just say he disowned him. He would admit Miklan ran away. That means Miklan claims he left as a means of coping and trying to convince other people that it was his choice and not forced on him).
Miklan became a lot more loyal than he's ever given credit for, both in the game and in the fandom. Gwendal did recognize it, but that's about all we're given.
Gwendal corrected himself when Miklan died, referring to him instead as Sir Miklan instead of the insults he was spewing during their fight which were very clearly pissing Miklan off; but Miklan kept fighting and defending the fort, not just because he wanted to prove Gwendal wrong but because he was here because he was pulled out of his life as a bandit. The people he was defending the fort for were the people who effectively gave him his life back.
Basically, he would've been there in that fort defending it anyway if he had lived the life he should have to begin with. If his value was acknowledged all along, he would've been defending the most important fort in Faerghus all along (if this exact scenario occurred and everything was the same except him being disowned in the first place). He would be there being the commander and fighter he was supposed to be.
Mind you, it was the king himself who gave him that chance, meaning the person who reigns over Faerghus and has the most power to change whatever the hell he wants - including how people with Crests and without are treated. Miklan was part of a fight to better their society and be part of the new generation taking over. Nobody could truly change things unless the king - the top power - had the thought to change them (not saying Lambert thought the political climate was good the way it was, but he clearly had other priorities and it didn't seem to be something weighing on his mind. He may not have even truly noticed the problems and power discrepancies because he was so focused on other things).
However, the moment the king thought to change all that old stuff, Miklan was one of the first people who came to mind, and one of the first people he took action regarding, to integrate into his new army (and he even mentioned completely rearranging his army and whatnot, and then we find out he had Miklan located basically right after becoming king. We had a two year timeskip and Miklan had been there for those two years because of how soon after Dimitri was crowned that he had decided to bring Miklan back and give him another chance).
If the king sought to change things and was taking active action to prove it, that was something Miklan could see and realize was actually going to happen. It wasn't a blind trust - he could see Dimitri was actually doing it. He had a reason to be able to trust him with this.
He was also able to trust the people who were watching over him, i.e. the people Dimitri had making sure he didn't revert back to any sort of banditry. Those people could have easily faked it, made up that he did something and that they had killed him on the spot. Dimitri trusted those people not to do that of course, but those people were not told to bring him to Dimitri if he did anything. They were told to apprehend him and kill him immediately (which is reasonable, given what he'd done in the past, and they wouldn't want to try to wait to get Dimitri over to wherever they were. If Miklan escaped in that time, they'd just have a big problem on their hands).
So that is to say, those people could've just faked it at any point and killed him. They didn't. They, like Dimitri, were willing to give him another chance provided he didn't do anything bad.
The same goes for Felix and everyone else who had qualms about him being allowed into their army. Dimitri explicitly stated if anyone had issues with his appointment as a commander to "by all means" kill him themselves. He literally made it an open option for his friends to just up and kill him if they truly couldn't forgive him (which at that point was more reasonable of a time because the war was still new and people didn't know if they could trust him with this specific appointment yet. By later in the story I don't think it would have been as reasonable for someone to try to kill him after he'd already been proving himself).
In other words, nobody did it. Everyone, literally everyone, backed off and respected Dimitri's decision (and technically Sylvain and Matthias' as well). None of those people, even when given open opportunity, turned a weapon on him. Not one. These people all gave him a chance. These are the same people he died fighting for, and for himself to be able to feel like he was fighting and dying for what he would have to begin with if he hadn't been disinherited - Faerghus and its people.
In the end Miklan was in both rank and heart a top ranking commander of Faerghus and he both appreciated it and knew he appreciated it. He was looking forward to the future Dimitri would bring, basically saying that he thinks Dimitri is a fool ("weak-willed") for it but that he now believes in it too. If anyone wants to try arguing those points, I have receipts as the young folk call them, fresh from Miklan himself about his feelings about it as spoken to Catherine and Shamir!
Miklan fought for the future he was hoping to see, and he died protecting that future. Again, not something he by any means whatsoever had to do. He was tasked with guarding the fortress, but was never told to lay down his life defending it. After years and years of being hateful and angry, he finally had some peace of mind and hope for what he could be. He was loyal to Dimitri in the end because Dimitri was loyal to him - that is, he kept his word and Miklan was able to thrive in Dimitri's society without being a bandit or having to worry about his future because of his status.
Like Dimitri said, the only thing holding him down by that point were his past mistakes. It was up to Miklan to do something about that for himself with the opportunity he was given to fix it. Dimitri said here, fix it, and Miklan said okay, and worked to fix it. For me the saddest part is that he didn't even get enough time to properly fix it and be able to be free of his past. He died for Faerghus though, with his dying words being that he was able to buy them time (to arrive and fight back against the attacking Empire). That's not something someone who holds a resentful grudge would say in their last moments. He was grateful he managed to buy the other fighters time, even though it cost him his life.
hopes was a dumpster fire a whole lot of times but its incorporation of miklan into the plot was not one of them. miklan fire emblem my love you will live on in my heart and in my fics. i am also deeply grateful to hopes for uh i guess hopes-canonizing (hopesonizing???) basically every one of my headcanons about him before the game came out.
#Miklan#Miklan Anschutz Gautier#remember the time i mentioned working on a fic and it was an au and like#i had planned to kill him and glenn off together for the plot? and how i scrapped it bc i got too attached to them?#and i couldn't go through with it when i thought abt sylvain and miklan's could be would be relationship?#that was me on the right track for the rest of my life. even back then i see i had a FEELING#i just KNEW something. funny enough in hopes miklan has a line that's like#pretty close to what i had him say in the fic... so uh my assertions and understandings of his character#were scarily accurate before we had anything but him as an enemy in houses to go by#and what dimitri talked abt post that chapter. uhhh maybe i am a miklan whisperer???#anyway miklan is easily by far the most underrated character in the entirety of hopes#and one of the most underrated characters overall#he has one of the most interesting stories from start to finish (esp in hopes)#how he was a noble family's heir to being disinherited to becoming an angry and hateful child#to growing up like that bc evidently nobody tried to steer him on the right path#to getting disowned only to be disowned for a lol measly for few months or so TOPS in hopes lmao#before being told to come back. in houses he was disowned presumably exactly as long but#dimitri wasn't the top power of faerghus. he couldn't have made the decision he got to make in hopes#so ofc the whole yeehaw lance of ruin thing happened. in hopes' case he was gone that long and just#took a vacation basically and came back and was basically told /B E H A V E/#except everyone was finally trying to steer him in the right direction even if it was SUUUPER fucking late#and he was grown up and set in his ways/behaviors/mannerisms that arose due to his childhood and onward#BUT from there and after being a very spiteful bandit he pulled himself together and was genuinely happier for it#enough to the point of considering himself ''weak willed'' to have started to believe in these visions dimitri has for the future#it makes me sad how he died in ag and like... even outside of ag there was never any hope of that family being whole#they weren't whole from the moment sylvain was determined to have a crest#and they couldn't be whole in houses bc dimitri never had the chance to change anything#then in hopes they could never be whole bc a different gautier dies in every hopes route#my poor fam never even had a chance to be whole again even though they genuinely tried so hard to be ;n; ;n; ;n;
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torgawl · 8 months
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can we talk about sukuna and rika and why the king and queen of curses having a dispute is also narratively fitting? if sukuna is an heian era sorcerer with an antipathy and disregard of human emotions and the weak's will to live, blind to love and unable to comprehend the value of relationships with others then rika, as his counterpart, works especially well. rika is just a kid, or was just a kid. an innocent young girl who ended up dying tragically and saw herself transform into a vengeful spirit after being cursed by love. not only does she represent the weak (remember when sukuna's slaughter of women and children was implied?), she represents love itself. with her feelings lingering after death, she clinged onto her existence with the sole wish of protecting yuuta. it counteracts so well with sukuna's selfish will to kill time before his final breathe, which he admitted to be his will and motivation.
before i move on to my next idea, which let me preface by saying that it might be a little out there and dives into theory territory, i'm going to contextualise it with some information on the symbolism of "king and queen" that might help understand why this thought may make - at least some - sense.
in alchemy the king usually appears in conjunction with the queen, representing the sun-and-moon duality. in accordance with the theory of sulfur and mercury, which together, after alchemist purification, form the philosopher’s stone (also called the elixir of life, associated with rejuvenation and immortality), usually represented by the crowned hermetic androgyne (the union of the complementary male and female, achieving perfection or completion in the human state). according to jung, the king and queen also signify the spiritual conjunction that takes place when the process of individuation is complete, with the harmonious union of the unconscious and consciousness. jungian psychology has subjected the alchemistic tradition to extensive analysis and views the king less as an image of paternal authority and more as an archetype of higher insight and wisdom.
with that in mind, i think it's easy to understand where i'm headed but i want to add something else. remember jjk 0? geto's plan at the time was to obtain rika so he could use her power and move forward with his plan to annihilate all no-sorcerers. he believed her to be the key to achieve his goal and was willing to risk his own life for it. furthermore, the story is highly based on buddhist concepts and one of the core aspects of jujutsu kaisen is the cycles of suffering the characters are subjected to. in buddhism the goal is to become free of the samsara (continuous cycle of life, death and rebirth), eliminate suffering and achieve nirvana (enlightment). this ties withe the name of the series as kaisen is comprised of the kanji 'kai', meaning cycle, and 'sen', meaning battle, which combined with jujutsu (which means magic/sorcery but contains the word curse) describe the story as an endless battle of curses. and in a sense, the story also repeats itself, between generations and storyline-wise with the events circling back to how it all began. yuuta managed to land a fatal strike on geto once again, but now rika is pointed to be in a direct confrontation with sukuna as the queen of curses. now that i went through all the context needed to understand this, is it possible rika is once again in danger of being taken away? the idea of achieving a state of perfection with the unity between king and queen is quite intriguing. sukuna finally addressing yuuji as a worthy rival because of his unshakable resolve and unbreakable soul, is almost directly implying yuuji to be the one with whom sukuna has his last battle. an ultimate power-up (or the equivalent to), would be veyy cathartic before a final fight where yuuji would have the opportunity to finally go all out and have his well awaited and deserved protagonism (in my eyes, at least).
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flowachild · 5 days
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working with my period instead of against it has been so healing
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sassmill · 8 months
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“If a lot of men get killed at one go, does it make the killing of one man less of a crime? I don’t know, Andy, I don’t know. I’m only twenty and they say today the world is ours, but Pa was twenty once and felt the world was his, and long, long ago Mad was twenty too, laughing at applauding audiences, smiling from picture postcards, and when I am as old as she is nothing will have changed…”
Daphne du Maurier, Rule Britannia (1972)
#think about the context of this woman writing this right#she was born in 1907#so by the time she was 20 she had lived through one world war with the next right on the horizon#as well as at this point witnessing the effects of so many other 20th century conflicts#she’s 65 at this point and this is what she sees ahead for future generations#which I’ve no doubt others saw coming as well but just like everyone for USUK in the book is acting#I’m sure plenty read this and thought but that could never happen not now not here not to us#but look where we are today#look at the genocide being enacted in Palestine#I want people to read this book in 2024 and think hard about it#because the events of the book are happening to white people in England right#I’m not at all trying to say she described anything on the level of the real world atrocities currently happening#but the slowly building anxiety of ‘but what could really happen they won’t do that’#then overnight all these new restrictions and retaliation#phones cut power cut water cut travel ban#just because it’s happening to people far away from your life#doesn’t mean it could never happen#you wouldn’t see it coming or think it was all that bad until suddenly it was too late#obviously I am reaching to apply this book to today but I think it could make certain people reexamine their mindset#daphne du maurier#rule britannia#quote#this book is making me think so much about imperialism and occupation and military states and civilian cruelty#through such an interesting lens considering what I know of Daphne du mauriers life up to the point she wrote this#this was her last novel#and it’s so different from her other novels#like this to me is her equivalent of a Connecticut Yankee in king Arthur’s court#except it’s just the ending where everything becomes terrible so fast
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kakusu-shipping · 11 months
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My mini contribution to @echoes-lighthouse's Evil Slasher Orphanage! My wife Anna and I are here to help, and brought a few more kids of our own.
I really thought I was a horror fan until I sat down to draw this and came up blank. I guess I'm not a slasher guy, because a LOT more Monsters and Beasts came to mind, so it took a while to form a list. Though I did include Sam who is certainly a Creeture but.. They're human enough.
#Emile's Arts#Proud Parent Posting#Slasher Orphanage#I'm stealing the Entity's abilities from DBD and giving them to me#And then immediately using them on accident to bring all these kids into one reality#That doesn't have to be canon to the orphanage obviously I just love being an Eldritch Being but Stupid#Also Friday the 13th is a movie in the Scream franchise so I thought this was a fun way to explain that fkjsdfkdfdkj#Honorable mention goes out to Frankenstien's Monster he is my baby but I could not for the life of me choose a design for him#I knew I KNEW I wanted Brandon immediately amazing concept that movie horrid execution#What if you had the powers of God in Middle School. You'd kill people right??? Right.#Also Sam Trick R Treat my beloved amazing Comic series that I love their design and energy#Spirit of Halloween little guy#One year I will dress up as them.. one year#ALSO BUBBA#I was so surprised Bubba wasn't in the original Orphanage cast he's SUCH a sweet pea I love him#Do not let him in the kitchen I don't care how big and wet his puppy eyes are do not let him in there#I also included Billy Trick R Treat because I wanted to the kid who plays him in the movie adaptation is very cute#And I LOVE a murderous little kid it's incredibly funny to me#More honorable mentions I considered;#Fran Bow and Misfortune but neither of them are Slashers on Purpose really#Misfortune is just a victim and IF Fran did kill her parents it wasn't her own choice#Six LN as well I love her but again... Not really a slasher. Also she's like two feet tall#I also though M3gan but eeeeeeeeeeeh I dunno I might come back to that#I was thinking about Rin Dead By Daylight as well and she's still on the table I think she'd fit in#I was also originally going to do The New King from Chzo Mythos but changed to John just because he's more Slasher Child than DaCabe#And again I kept running through Monsters like from Crypt TV and such and decided against them#Me my children my wife and this random person who's farm we stumbled across and are now crashing in#It's fine Anna's very use to Farm Labor she'll be a great help#And she is VERY calm comforting mother-y when she eventually calms down#She's gonna dote all over those girls
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brynnmclean · 10 months
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I can't believe I still have to see posts about how much better ROP would be if Celebrían was the lead vs. Galadriel. As someone who has Tolkien Brainrot, I understand the appeal, I really, really do. As someone who has had to interact with so many people who either do not care about Tolkien Lore but are interested in fantasy television shows or are Jackson film fans first/foremost/only, y'all. Galadriel is a known character and a decent intro to lesser known characters.
Hate to break it to y'all but Celebrían is OBSCURE. I'm pretty confident in saying that if you get outside of Tolkien Fandom online circles, you could tell people that Elrond was married to Galadriel's daughter and the response you would get would be, "oh, I didn't realize that" because it's touched so lightly in the films. Celebrían isn't even MENTIONED by name. Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure if anyone mentions that Galadriel and Arwen are related at all!
My point is the show is meant to appeal to more people than us over here with Tolkien Brainrot!!!!!! I love Celebrían, but Galadriel was an easier sell to the potential of a wider audience as a lead. For a show that needs to go through so much lore very quickly, having Galadriel as the lead because she's 1) female [the overwhelming amount of male characters vs. female characters in the Legendarium is another post], 2) relatively familiar, and 3) has a set characterization to lead toward for an arc vs. her barely-even-mentioned-in-LotR daughter is a no-brainer.
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fishandshesmygills · 1 year
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whoblewboobear · 5 months
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Knowing that I have to go home after an 8-hour shift at the job I hate to force myself to deep clean the depression nest my room has become while neck deep in the same depressive episode for the past 3 months on top of chronic pain makes me wanna scream like can I just smoke weed and sleep on the couch instead pls?
#tw mental health#personal#idk how to tag this#I’m doin BAD#like- I think I’ve run into that gifted kid thing where it’s like yeah I was told I was good at this and then growing up and realizing I#never developed the skill beyond childhood but instead of gifted kid syndrome it’s high functioning depression#like I hit my 20s and I can’t high function my way through this shit anymore#I don’t know how and that makes it worse bc I’m looking back on teen me who could pretend for days and power through#now I’m just- a depressive episode hits and I just.. everything stops y’know?#im so tired and overwhelmed and I just don’t know where to start to even dig myself out of it#I’m self soothing to the point of it being harmful#if I don’t think about how bad it is and instead focus on whatever interest it feels better#my therapist has been out sick for almost 2 months now and I’m worried about her but we work so well together that I don’t wanna find#someone new and start all over again#I just..#I tried telling my family I’m struggling and my mom told me to pray about it so it’s like okay I’m just alone to deal with this like I#always do but I’m just.. I’m not doing well enough to be able to handle this on my own and no one is listening when I say that#I’m not going to do anything but I can’t pretend the s*ic*d*l thought aren’t at the front of my mind#every single problem I have would disappear for me if I wasn’t here and that’s bitter sweet because I want to see this life through#depression#mental health#struggling with depression#major depressive disorder
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pagesofkenna · 1 year
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I want either a children's book or an adult book with a child narrator where there's nothing fantastic or fae going on, but the child thinks there is, because that explanation (fed by parents telling moralistic fairy tales) seems just an logical as whatever's actually going on
and not in a technology vs mythology kinda way either, but more... child's been told some mythological monster lives in these woods, which makes perfect sense, because another monster (foreign invaders) lives out in the ocean too
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mydr3aminvi0let · 4 months
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i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that
#like oh....you think im one of them...bestie no im freshly 23 and im happy i made it this far i dont wanna go back#sometimes i hate being 5'2 with a small frame you have to be very careful and kinda vet everyone you interact with#idk there's a complex discussion to be had. i am someone who has went through what they fetishize and i know a lot of girls in that#community have too. so i worry a lot if if my behaviors and preferences accidentally align with that community in ways i don't realize#bc trauma will always reveal itself. idfk. when i was 20 i got in a relationship with a man who was 30 because i misheard him and thought#he was 24. i thought he was okay until we were at this giftshop and he wanted to get me something but as giftshops are super expensive#i mentioned i could fit in childrens clothes and it saves me a lot of money ($60 shoes are $30 for kids) and tbh fit my frame better#so he was “prove it” so i did and mf said “THATS HOT” ??????????? BITCH#my style wasn't even feminine in the slightest at the time 😑 it feels like a curse to have this kind of trauma then never outgrow this body#believe me ik how trauma changes your brain but how#as a woman#can you ever be apart of that community? why do you allow this to continue and not persecute these men for existing?#you're inherently enabling it and saying its okay this happened to you and its okay that other adults can hurt other kids#when my rapist got put in prison i screamed i yelled i sang i danced my friends set off FIREWORKS for me#when he got out i cried more than i ever have. i moved STATES (not the sole rzn but nonetheless) not that i was in the one he was in prison#in anyways but i was so fucking petrified he'd find me again. its embarrassing but i started sleeping with a chastity belt again.#i made more phone calls i ever have in my life to people who have and will get their hands dirty#i understand the self hatred those girls have. i understand the girls who sleep with everyone to take some of their power back.#i even understand the girls who want to get raped if they got assaulted but it never felt like enough for the pain they're experiencing#but please stay the fuck away from me. as someone who has tried to heal and wants every man like that erased from earth.#do not give them an ounce of attention. ostracize them like they're meant to be. leave it to god for their karma they will be dealt with#reckon with your pain and make sure it never happens to anyone else. only the harmed can make the greatest teachers#tbh bro i am disgusted with myself at all that those are the kinda vibes i put out.#what are you supposed to do as a woman when feminity is equalized with infantilism? i think its tone deaf and misguided whem girls are like#i dress this way to contradict societies views!!! babes its a whole cultural issue that requires reviewing and reforming#you are not doing anything revolutionary by wearing frilly skirts and saying im not like them bc they see you and ur automatically boxed in#i dress how i want and say what i want but i know as a individual im not the beacon of a groundbreaking movement#singularily flipping society on its head. dress how you want but be aware of the connotations. you're living in this society here and now#there's consequences that may not be in your favor and youll be assumed to have values that dont align with you and it may break your heart
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navramanan · 9 months
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I feel so horrible
#last evening i spilled tea it was obv an accident but i should have been more careful it was through a too careless action#some spilled on the book i got from the library. i thought that was the worst part#a bit spilled on my laptop. very little. while i was busy with the book my mom wiped my laptop#my brother immediately turned it off & told me to keep it upside down overnight#so i put it upside down. for hours. at least 4. before that i picked it up to look i could still see the water#but my laptop reacted to me picking it up & showed the battery percentage on the screen like it does#i didnt do anything else and put it back upside down. so again later i picked it up to check#it look dry. this time it didnt react to my ''touch'' to me picking it up#i didnt think anything. i wanted to do something on my laptop and tried powering it on. idk if that was a mistake or not#but it didnt react. the night is over it's almost noon it's still not turning on. it's been in rice the whole night#but honestly i dont even know if that actually helps. i know it's a popular method but idk#my brother works in IT he knows computers he said he'd unscrew & remove the storage disk to be safe#and to call someone they know who repairs computers. neither of these things happened yet bc we dont have the right screw#my brother i believe asked the neighbor#i'm not really hopeful. i've slept 4 hours last night bc i was so worried i couldnt sleep#went to sleep at 3 woke up at 7 couldnt sleep again#i said i'm not hopeful but one thing about me i never think bad things like this could happen to me so there's always this#''it's not real this isnt happening'' in me. i wish it wasnt bc if it turns out to be real it devastates me#i feel i get swayed so easily by things going wrong. it just immobilizes me#it happened when my luggage got lost. i was completely scatter brained fully gone when it happened#i was staying at my aunt's place. she poked fun at me for how much it affected me. said i have euros i could raplace my clothes#i spent four days this way. i was there to see a friend. i felt i was robbed from truly having a good time. it was our first time meeting#i cried every single day. called the airport lost & found every single day. this one thing occupied my whole being#i got my luggage back but what i'm getting at is for one i actually got it back so it wasnt a real bad thing that happened. it got fixed#and two it just had me in its clutches this one incident. so now my laptop wont turn on i cant think of anything else#cant do anything else. and although it looks real and i DONT want to be hopeful so i can let go and not be devastated when i find out#it's irreparable. idk where i'm getting at with this. except idk i really really really want it to work again#nesi rants
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