#but i'm not opposed to talking about physical specifics if you want to throw another ask at me w/ suggestions

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

hey :) i've identified as arospec/ace for a while now, and i feel comfortable in that identity. but i do have some questions about a feeling i've been experiencing.

for about a year now, i've really been craving a physical relationship. not necessarily a sexual one (though i've never been opposed to one, being pretty firmly sex-neutral) but i just want to touch someone else and be touched, all over. i don't care if it's a platonic or romantic relationship (i don't distinguish much between them, tbh)---i just want to be physically close and intimate with someone.

my question is, is this a common experience among aspec people? when i try to explain it to my allo friends, they naturally think of intimate touch terms of a sexual or romantic context. because of this, i'm wondering if any other aspecs can relate to this feeling/know of ways to make it better.

thanks :D

It's possible you could experiencing sensual desire. The sensual spectrum is its own spectrum just like the romantic and sexual spectrum and you can experience sensual attraction and desire in a similar way. And it's just a desire to be sensual or tactile with another person, and often includes a desire to do things like touch, cuddle, even sometimes things like smelling the other person.

And I could see why this might confuse allo people a bit because allo people tend to wrap all this stuff together instead of parsing out the individual feelings. So often if they're experiencing sensual desire or attraction it often can be interpreted as connected to other romantic or sexual feelings.

The other option I could see is if you're touch starved. But if you're craving a relationship specifically and not just touch in general, sensual desire makes more sense.

I'm not sure how common it is, but I'll throw it out to followers. If anyone experiences anything similar and wants to talk about it or give their own thoughts, please do!

[isa-ah]

yup! so about that au... what's mob's feelings about teru? does he care about him? does he try to give him the benefit of the doubt? does he hate everything about him but thinks he's attractive? would love to know lol

so to answer that I'm gunna explain that the au is structured like this:

canonically, mogami wants to teach mob to be selfish, and to draw from negative emotions. he uses minori to do it; she bullies him until he snaps and mogami lets him reawaken to his powers in a violent context.

in this au, teruki comes with to the exorcism and ends up possessed to bait mob. except once mogamis in his head he's like oh YOU get it. that's exactly how teru was living as a kid. so you're going to teach him what you already knew how to do.

so mob wakes up in the mirror world freshly transferred to black vinegar and is immediately latched on to by edano and other boys in his gang. this draws terus attention to mob after a few weeks and he starts isolating him to bully himself (terus pretty obsessed w mob anyway, so that thread gets pulled, but also 🏳️‍🌈❓).

it builds until mob awakens to his powers to get teru off his back and teru pounces on it for a hierarchy fight immediately. he's ELATED to find another esper (in the show he says he has so many questions / stop rejecting me / don't leave me) so they throw down but mobs powers are tuned to lose the fight, so teru snaps him up to be his guard dog.

from terus perspective he's just found the perfect disciple. they're two of a kind. and he becomes VERY possessive of mob, and in turn, mob has the traits easily influenced & deeply loyal, so even if he feels prickly about terus attitude, he sucks like a magnet to his hip anyway bc hes the closest thing mob has to a friend.

they're both very lonely and ultimately scared kids right. so the enmeshment is pretty immediate and they start spending about all their time together bc the alternative is an empty grey city. mob fights most of terus fights for him, and thru it develops a much more physical outlet for his emotions (as opposed to verbal gentleness that is largely taught by reigen).

which.. leads to rubs when teru does stupid shit to get mobs attention and it works Too Well bc mob has no idea how to communicate it so he gets In terus personal space, pushes him around, gives him these autistic Stares but ultimately neither of them actually know how to wrangle the like oh God he's a life raft to me and I want to kiss him emotions so they act out stupid instead.

it's like.. idk I want to see their traits laid out in a more toxic light but also they're still obsessed with each other. and ultimately yeah mob does learn to be a lot more selfish and to use his powers for personal gain and teruki has to experience what his life would have been like if mob didn't check him. for fun. and flavor.

and boy does it make for the most awkward post arc reunion ever bc they get back to reality and reigen and dimple are like OH THANK GOD and then they look at each other and it's like. uhm. where do I even start lmfao

I have a lot of specific scenes in mind but mostly that's the gist. pls feel free to talk to me about it tho it's my pet project

[schizoaffectively]

ADHD """Boredom"""

Tonight after work (last night? idk it's 3:31 AM lol), I was doing my usual post-dinner routine of just chilling. I was watching YT videos of channels I very much enjoy - however, trouble strikes when I this is all that I am doing. Normally, I'm listening to/watching the video while I game or draw, as well as chat with my online friends.

Suddenly when I'm not doing all of this at once, I get this very restless feeling - a feeling I have coined to myself as "ADHD Boredom." I believe this is actually just me being understimulated, as opposed to overstimulated (which I also experience quite often).

When I'm understimulated, I get both mentally and physically restless. Often times in these scenarios, my agitated stims (the harmful ones) come about - biting myself, hitting at my thigh, pinching, etc. Because suddenly, I have no or not enough of an outlet to be directing all of my energy towards. I do also have Sensory Processing Disorder, and will get even more sensory seeking than normal.

Another example of this would be my little cousin, who is a 10 y/o fellow ADHDer. When not able to access the stimuli he wants or feels he needs, he will often cry and say how bored he is without it. In his case, this is frequently the iPad, because it has the most visual, auditory, and interactive stimuli. No, I am not saying he should be given what he wants, but also, NO, he is not just being a spoiled kid throwing a fit because he isn't getting what he wants - he is likely having a meltdown because he is understimulated. (Which can and has been remedied in other ways - his iPad is just his go-to, similar to me with my video + drawing + chatting combination).

To tie this off, I would like to ask my fellow ADHDers: Do you also experience this? What do you do to remedy it, or how do you cope when understimulation strikes? Is there a term for this I'm missing?

Any related add-ons/discussion points welcome!! I just ask that we do not derail the post - this is about a specific experience I have with ADHD, and I have observed and/or been told about by my ADHD family members or friends.

(PLEASE NOTE: When I ask to not derail the post, I'm not saying this is experience or similar ones exclusive to ADHD. What I am saying is this is me talking about the experience as one caused by my ADHD and through that lens)

[bardofavon]

Lol the Darkling, so unhinged. It does strike me that like no one understands Kaz’s motivations and connection to the Darkling given he’s afraid to show his vulnerabilities, talk about the blackmail, admit he’s in over his head and the Darkling appears to be just using Kaz to outsiders.

One thing I’m curious about is whether Nikolai and the others understand he’s touch adverse. Kaz speculated Nikolai might’ve guessed but that would be another ??? for them in what is happening with Kaz and the Darkling. On that actually, I wonder if Kaz’s backstory will ever be shared with anyone in this fic- Darkling obviously wants to know and kaz had thought about how he hasn’t even shared it with Inej.

It is kind of funny that as much as he's stressing "I am not the Darkling's pet and I am not in love with him" he hasn't even considered throwing out how much more the Darkling is into him than he is into the Darkling but at that point he thinks it's just really not that relevant to anyone who isn't him. Like at this point he's pretty sure if he said "actually the Darkling really wants me and I'm just using him for power" everyone would be like "mmhmm okay kaz whatever you need to tell yourself" so what's the point.

As for the touch aversion, Nikolai has Kaz's intense reaction to him putting an arm around him to play around with in his brain because that is definitely not how normal people react to something like that, but he might not have jumped straight to touch-aversion as opposed to "just really fucking hates me for some reason" except that he did have several conversations with Inej and Jesper planning how best to "rescue" Kaz, and although they wouldn't outright tell him Kaz has problems with physical touch it probably set off some alarm bells in his head the way they advocated to minimize the amount of manhandling people did of him.

Strikes against him realizing Kaz is touch averse would be him sharing a bed with the Darkling every night and how incredibly close they were when he walked in on them while they were discussing the Darkling's name.

Really it's all kind of in a category of "a lot of things are fucked up about that guy and until they're relevant to me or useful to my cause i'm just going to save it as a problem for Later Nikolai"

No one else other than Nikolai has really connected the dots that there's any sort of actual phobia going on because everyone else gives him a huge personal space bubble by nature of really not wanting to be around him anyway/generally being afraid of him. They're not thinking he has any kind of phobia, but everyone in general is kind of ???? about Kaz being intimate with anyone just because he really doesn't seem like the kind of person who would be into that.

anyone hearing rumors back in ketterdam is definitely like "what the fuck is going on over there?????"

So actually re:backstory, one element keeping him from sharing anything from the Darkling is the fact that the Darkling used Kaz's old name at one point, meaning Kaz does know that the Darkling knows more about Kaz's past than anyone else does somehow. It hasn't come up again because Kaz has specifically avoided thinking about the implications of that, but on a subconscious level it's keeping him from opening up about any of that with the Darkling on his own because he already feels the betrayal of the Darkling possibly taking some of it before he was ready to give it.

Much of Kaz's backstory is something he's never shared with anyone so it's not like there's any way the Darkling could figure it out without Kaz willingly sharing it, meaning actually sharing it with him would be giving away very precious currency. If Kaz ever learns the Darkling's name or more about his own past it might make him more inclined to share, but it's very doubtful unless he's in the position of realllllllly reallly needing to regain the Darkling's trust...which...okay is not entirely impossible.

[bthump]

Any thoughts on neo griffith/beast of darkness or guts/femto fucking? (Srry i watched venom today so i'm in a mosterfucking mode)

hell yeah

especially beast of darkness/neogriffith tbh, i am super into this concept. or even a role reversal au where guts was the one who became a godhand member or mb apostle.

and femto/guts also has its appeal. or femto/beast of darkness, monster4monster.

guess i’ll put this under a cut in respect to ppl who follow me more for meta than long posts about monsterfucking lol

side note to kick this off: i once had a shockingly coherent berserk dream where femto turned out to be a periodic temporary transformation, kinda like a werewolf, and he’d turn back into post-torture griffith after wreaking some evil havok, and griffith wouldn’t remember anything. and this led to guts having sex with griffith-as-femto (who was less hilarious petty ex a la black swordsman arc and more like, the kind of atmospheric scary horror movie monster who motionlessly watches you from across the street and appears in the bathroom mirror after you look away briefly lol) in order to distract him from like, leaving to go murder people. and guts framed this to himself as like penance for abandoning griffith but at the same time he was also into it because despite being terrifying femto was still a version of griffith who he loves and has been pining for for 4 years. it was a high quality dream tbh.

but anyway, like the way their relationship is depicted as so obsessive and singular i feel like there’s something v compelling in either of them becoming the extra evil embodiment of the worst aspects of themselves and the other still wanting him bc even that darkness is an aspect of the person he loves? like that’s p canon actually

(not to mention how suggestive the beast of darkness gets)

like either of them, canon guts or au griffith where guts became a monster, hating the other for destroying everything and ruining his life but still high key “longing” for him.

relatedly, the canon mutual pining thing during the golden age but then the first time they act on their repressed sexual feelings is after one becomes a monster and consequently has lost that repression and has nothing stopping him from acting on his lust? and the other is like, oh no you’re a monster and i hate you now but also i’ve been lying to myself about not wanting this for 8 years and i’ll take what i can get.

doesn’t quite fit with actual canon (one can argue femto is even more repressed lol) but whatever, actual canon sux.

or both of them having succumbed to their inner darknesses but still finding that spark of light and their own humanity in each other is srsly good stuff.

like lbr neogriffith letting beast of darkness guts fuck him instead of fight him and predictably feeling all those not actually frozen feelings even tho it’s just like, a vague twisted echo of what their relationship could’ve been once… also good. maybe focusing on the physical to distract himself from/ignore his feelings to the point where he doesn’t notice he’s got tear tracks running down from the corners of his eyes afterwards. i mean what better time to get that payoff on ‘the crystalization of your last tear shed’ right?

also there’s a devilman spinoff/missing scene manga where akira lost his consciousness to the demon he melded with and ryo brought him back by kissing him. and i’m js

the sex version would work v well in berserk. imagine guts waking up from a prolonged stretch of time as the beast of darkness while balls deep in neogriffith and just clinging to him like an anchor, at least until he comes and eventually regains the presence of mind to assess the situation lol.

what other angles are there? idk i feel like there’s a lot of room for playing around with the monster versions of these characters.

i mean i get why ppl often don’t want to even ship post-eclipse griffguts let alone their evil monster versions bc miura poisoned that well, but honestly idgaf personally, i’m not gonna let that stop me. ngriff/femto/beast of darkness all have so much potential here.

also sorry i focused more on feelings than physical specifics but that’s bc a) i’m better at talking about feelings and b) femto and the beast of darkness are anatomically pretty boring lbr lol. i mean femto especially is barely a monster physically, that’s like, all feelings lol.

[enbies-and-felonies]

Okay, so basically it's a bit more thought out (presumably) version of the 'God said love everyone, so why do you spread hate' kinda thing. This may be a bit sporadic cause I thought of it this morning and may have forgotten half of it by now. Also the adhd.

So you know how people try to claim that being gay is a sin? Even with no real evidence towards that. Now let's go to the ten commandments-Our big ten no nos. All of these harm other, they hurt others. And I personally think that the biggest part that hurts people is the intention behind it. Now obviously if you hurt people unintentionally, that's still bad, but because they were unaware of their harmful actions, they can learn to be better. Sometimes people hurt others as their only way to survive, such as stealing from a local marketplace cause you're starving, or k*lling an abusive partner because the people who are supposed to help are refusing to. The ones who intentionally harm though are the most dangerous and hurtful. Meaning those who don't need to do these things to survive, know that these things are wrong and hurtful and why they're hurtful, and those who know they're hurtful but do not care to learn why because why should they in their minds. Clearly everyone has different reasons for doing things that will end up hurting other, but the last kinds of people I mentioned, the one's who do those things out of prejudice and bigotry are the ones who make the first two kinds do those things. If the place you worked at had better wages (which are controlled by those who are only concerned with how much money they get), you wouldn't have to steal. If the authorities took what you said seriously, you wouldn't've ended up k*lling your partner because there was no better way out. Now, let's head back over to God saying to love one another, cause I got a bit off course. All of those things are choices, and obviously everyone has done those sorts of things even if they didn't mean to, but ultimately it's still a choice. Being gay is not a choice as any informed person should know. You and I both now our community is about our love, and how many of us express it differently from the heterosexual norm, including lack of love at all. Besides the fact that people may deny that people can live without love, they may try to say that if you don't feel it then you probably hate everything or are just a jerk. However the absence of love is not the presence of hate, and love is very much opposed to hate. So when people try to use their religion (I used Christianity because that's mine) which likely teaches love, acceptance, and peace (I'm by no means an expert though, and really only know some basic ideas of other religions) I find it irritating that they try to spin the narrative while also telling you they didn't. They tell you to love others when they cannot even do it themselves. They try to convince people that our community that just wants to love for the most part in peace is trying to harm them, when that's never been anyones plan. Or they say that LGBTQ+ couples can't get married because it's unhealthy or not how it's been done, while actively ignoring people like us throughout history. Perhaps throwing us out because of who we love, not because of who we hurt. (Don't throw your kids out for any reason though, do your best to educate them if they're being an asshole, specially when they're still in your custody and may still be able to learn and understand what's wrong with their actions.) They'll then convince us to hate ourselves, or try to force us to act exactly how they want us to, without any regard for our mental and physical wellbeing. Downplaying the effects of doing such things just in a doomed effort to make you appear 'normal'. It's frustrating, especially when I go to school and have to hear stuff like,'Shakespeare would've had trouble with using they or them', in a condescending tone referring to people who uses they/them pronouns, when he would not have since if what I remember reading is correct, they/them has been used since the 1300-1400's. Or from the pastor who teaches my sociology class when we were talking about Stonewall, and he said 'Ignore the theological implications'. Pray tell sir, what exactly is that supposed to mean? I think it's funny when you go through school specifically

to teach love, peace, and acceptance but unintentionally end up only teaching the first two. I know he likely means no malice behind it, unlike the other teacher, but still, google is free. Ugh, I'm not sure how to wrap this up, so I guess just gimme what ya think? Most of this I came up with in like the last hour or so, and it kinda turned into a rant, but whatever. Figured you were the best person to do it to. Also why can't I write like this for school, darnit?

holy shit. HOLY HECK YEAH THIS^^^^

[sweetoothsuggestions]

Self Harm and Recovery

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Read With Caution

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Hello all, this is a post I wrote two years ago on amino and I wanted to put it onto this platform as well. I wanted to create a post on mental health, self harm specifically. It’s a difficult topic, but I feel it’s important to address and provide resources for those in the community.

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Please keep in mind this blog will not include everything, and it is important to seek professional guidance.

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Table of Contents

If header is marked with ‼️it is a warning for possible triggering content

1 • What is self harm / Spotting it‼️

2 • Coping Mechanisms

3 • Accepting Help

4 • Resources (apps, helplines, websites)

5 • What to do if a family member, friend, or classmate is struggling

6 • Glorification and Romanticism‼️

7 • Recovery and Relapses

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[[MORE]]

‼️1 • WHAT IS SELF HARM?‼️

If you’re currently dealing with self harm, I recommend skipping this header. This section will be discussing different forms self harm can take.

When an individual deliberately hurts themselves physically, this is self harm. It is considered a result of poor coping mechanisms when dealing with emotional or physical distress. It is important to acknowledge that self harm isn’t always the result of societal factors, and is often internal. Regardless of how self injury is influenced, it is a serious issue and important to address.

• Cutting

(Click title for more info) There are different methods of self harm, however the most common form is referred to as cutting. This is typically when an individual takes a razor or sharp object and damages their body. Most self harmers who cut, make slits on their wrists, thighs, stomach, or chest. This form of self injury is typically the quickest to escalate, as one gets more comfortable with this practice they will often begin going deeper and cutting more frequently.

• Burning

Another common form of self harm is burning, done in various ways. A burn mark can often be swollen and filled with pus, or more discreet and appear as a reddish brown patch of skin. With darker skin tones a burn can appear lighter or more faded as well. It’s important to realize that not every burn is self harm, most self harm burns are on the hand or leg.

• Bruising

When bruising, an individual will hit objects against parts of their body. This creates bumps and dark circles where created. This is typically done on the hands or leg.

• EDs

ED is an abbreviation for eating disorder also known as anorexia, while typically placed in a separate category of mental health, also relates back to self harm. However, EDs are very different than typical self Injury and really deserve a separate explanation, I will be briefly covering it as I did the other methods as it is important to acknowledge.

Like all forms of self harm, EDs aren’t always apparent. They consist of an individual struggling with body image (or dysmorphia) who take drastic measures to lower their weight. This includes forcing themselves to throw up (Bulimia), constricting calories, and skipping meals. This regularly hospitalizes those with anorexia and stands as one of the most difficult recoveries.

There are many other ways someone will self injure, these are solely the common ones. Other forms include:

• Hair Pulling

• Biting (Forum Discussion)

• Skin Picking

• Piercing

Okay, so that’s all that. I know it’s hard to read these things (as to why there are the tws) but I honestly think it’s really important people are aware of this. A lot of signs go unnoticed, and with self injury it’s especially important to catch early on.

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2 • COPING MECHANISMS AND ALTERNATIVES TO SELF HARM

There are many different coping mechanisms opposed to self harm, below are several common ones. Keep in mind these are not a substitute for seeking treatment, it is still crucial to seek professional help.

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Take a long shower or bath to relax and calm down

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Wash the Dishes / Cleaning and Keeping yourself preoccupied

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Create a playlist or mixtape of your favorite songs

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Drawing and Painting

(Or) on your skin (using a marker or pen with a blunt tip) or on paper to get feelings out peacefully

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Write about how you feel

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Take a run or move around

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Text or call someone you love

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20 minutes rule

“My therapist recently told me about this one. She said that when I'm feeling an urge to cut, if I can wait 20 minutes the urge will lessen and eventually pass. I can distract myself by making something to eat, taking a shower, or watching some TV. If you can make it through those 20 minutes, you'll be okay.”

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Run your hands under cold water

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Stress balls, occupying your hands

Here are some self harm alternatives online, you can also make your own list of what works for you

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3 • ACCEPTING HELP

Accepting that you need a change can be one of the hardest realizations to face. Self harm is not something you go at alone, it’s crucial to reach out. Wether this be to a family member, teacher, counselor, or friend you need to tell someone.

It’s scary, and by no means is easy. A lot of people don’t know how to tell someone, or you’re afraid of burdening them. But you are in no way a burden, getting help and gaining support is the best thing you can do for yourself. Regardless if you think that your harm is too minuscule to do any actual damage, it isn’t something you can control. Like stated earlier, self harm escalates and becomes dangerous even if you don’t want it to.

If you’re scared to tell someone directly, send them a message. Text or written, do whatever you can to let someone know what’s going on. If you suspect someone in your life is harming themselves, speak up and let an adult know. If you are an adult, let them know you’re there for them and help them find professional advise.

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4 • RESOURCES

APPS, WEBSITES, HELPLINES

Apps:

• Calm Harm

This app is password protected and provides activities and timers to prevent self destructive urges. It gives options of customization and allows you to change the app to your liking.

• Self Heal

This app provides a series of coping mechanisms for you to use, along with this gives anonymous support features and calming images.

• My Shiny Thing

This app was created in order to distract or take your mind off of self harm. A new installment brings up various YouTube videos and articles to take your mind off urges.

Websites:

• SIOU Outreach

This website allows you to share your stories, listen to others, and provides coping mechanisms as well as how to help. SIOU Works to support those who lack personal care and provide resources to struggling family members.

• The Trevor Project

The Trevor Project website, also using a help line (listed below) specializes in self harm and support. The website contains an FAQ, resources, and takes awareness to those in need of support.

• Self Injury Foundation

The SIF is a volunteer based community, that provides and structures research on self harm and education.

• Self injury - Cornell

The Self injury recovery, research, and resources center at Cornell focuses on adolescents and young adults who deal with self harm.

Helplines:

National Suicide Prevention Line

1-800-273-8255

Suicide Text Line

Text HOME to 741741

24 Hour Crisis Hotline

1-800-273-TALK

Self Injury Foundations National Hotline

1-800-334-HELP

Help for Teens

1-877-332-7333

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5 • WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO HELP

• Classmate

If you think/know a classmate is self harming, tell a teacher or your counselor (or any trusted adult). It’s always good to provide support, but remember that SH is personal and often times difficult to talk about. Be sensitive and caring, don’t belittle their issues or act as if their feelings are invalid.

A question you’ll want to ask is why, but a lot of times they won’t know. It’s important to respect that, and understand that there aren’t always external reasons.

• Adult

While self harm is predominantly seen in teenagers and youth, adults can self harm too. Adults are not classmates, tell another teacher and avoid confrontation directly. This isn’t a very common thing, but regardless is important to realize that everyone may need support at one time or another.

• Family Member

Similar to the classmate scenario, tell a trusted adult in your family (older sibling, aunt, uncle etc...) it’s also important to reach out and let them know you’re there for them. Again, don’t expect someone to automatically open up to you, respect boundaries.

! TELL SOMEONE !

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‼️6 • GLORIFICATION AND ROMANTICISM‼️

Self harm is not pretty, or your aesthetic. This ideal is dangerous and unhealthy, spreading the message that self injury is pretty or elegant.

An example of romanticism and glorification would be describing scars or injuries as something symbolic or more than they are. Molding self harm into something poetic or beautiful is once again the opposite of what it really is.

An extremely common form of this is when someone will take a black and white image of cuts with a weird quote next to it. This can also be seen in the media and cinematographic structures, 13 reasons why being a good example in this case.

Long story short, any piece conveying self harm as anything but emotional distress is glorification.

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7 • RECOVERY AND RELAPSES

Recovery is a process, it’s filled with difficulties and fall backs but it’s also about moving foreword. What matters is that you’re trying, and receiving help.

A relapse is when someone stops self harm for an extended period of time, and then returns back to it. The longer you can stay away from this the better, and eventually the urges leave fully.

Progress isn’t black and white, a relapse doesn’t mean you’re failing it means there’s still more to do and that’s okay. To summarize this section:

Do’s and don’ts of recovery (WORK IN PROGRESS) Don’t:

• view images of self harm in the media, avoid anything that may trigger you

• go near what you use

Do:

• Talk to someone about it

• Get rid of objects you use to harm yourself

• If you have a ritual that leads up to sh, break your schedule and try something different.

• restructure negative thoughts, instead of thinking about what you think you did wrong, think about steps for improvement.

• use alternatives to self harm

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Tending to self harm wounds

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That’s all I have for this blog, again I’m not an expert and a lot of this is based off personal experiences. I can’t stress enough how important it is to tell someone, no matter how scared you are push through.

My dms are always open if you’d like to talk or have any questions. If you think I wrote anything inaccurately or you have something to add please message me or comment.

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[jising-jisang-jisung]

Every Single Time | Lee Jeno

Genre: well floof ofc

Word count: 1.8k

A/n: I wrote this during my online class at school today for no reason other than avoiding ap Spanish yikerz. N e wayz it's kinda clichè and cheesey but I hope yall enjoy it nonetheless :)

It's one of my last fics in my jb song series!! Based off this Jonas Brothers song

To say you'd been in love was an understatement. More specifically, you had been in love with one (1) boy for five (5) years. Who is this boy, you ask. Well, none other than your very best friend, Lee Jeno.

You'd been crushing on him since eighth grade and have been friends for essentially your whole lives. The thing is, Jeno has always had other crushes and girlfriends. Of course, being that you two are besties, he tells you all about this and it lowkey highkey breaks your sensitive little heart.

To be fair, you have also had your fair share of boyfriends. Freshman year you dated Lee Donghyuck and later, Huang Renjun. The only reason you ever said yes to them was in hope of getting over your crush on Jeno. However, it never seemed to work and you were still left, well, crushed. Sophomore year you dated Chenle, but you two discovered that you worked much better as friends. Lastly, during your junior year you dated the school flirt, Na Jaemin. Everyone wondered how you managed to get such a renowned hottie. The thing is, Jaemin is another one of your friends so he knew about your crush. You two only went out because he was getting over his ex as well.

Now, in the middle of senior year, you find yourself sitting at lunch, mindlessly staring at the boy you're hopelessly in love with.

"Hey, y/n! Are you good?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, right. Yeah I'm fine," you barely managed to convince Jeno after he caught you. Chenle gave you a knowing look from across the table, to which you responded with a glare.

As odd as it was, Chenle is still one of your best friends and he knows about your ongoing crush. In fact, he was one of the first people to tell you about it, because you were too dense to realize it yourself. Quite frankly, you think that may be the reason your exes dumped you, they could see your feelings for Jeno. However, it seems that you're lucky enough because Jeno has yet to catch on.

~

"Y/n, I think you should just confess. What's the worst that could happen?" Chenle suggested.

"He could hate me," you respond coldly.

"Okay yeah, but that would only last for the rest of senior year. Then, you'll both go to college and, if need be, never see one another ever again." :D

"Wow. That makes it sound so much better," you say in a sarcastic tone.

"Who knows, y/n, he might actually like you back. I get the feeling he does."

"What makes you say that?"

"Let's make a bet. 20 bucks says you won't confess to Jeno before winter break."

"I don't want to make any bets I know I'm going to lose," you pout.

"Fine then. 20 bucks says Jeno will confess first."

"That's a bet I can win."

"That's the spirit, y/n!"

"Because Jeno doesn't have feelings for me so he'll never confess!"

"You're hopeless."

"C'mon Lele, he's always surrounded by other girls. I wouldn't even have a chance."

"Okay, but you've dated other boys too," your friend reminds you.

"That's different. Throughout high school I only dated boys to get over Jeno." You paused briefly before continuing, "but it never worked. Every single time, I keep on going back. He's always on my mind. It doesn't matter what I do." You finally looked up at Chenle again only to find him fast asleep on your bed. Late night study dates with Chenle were always like this: deep conversation from you but snooze from him.

~

You sat impatiently in your physics class, waiting for the bell to ring. As you turn your head to check the clock yet again, you are met with Jeno's eyes staring back at yours. "Y/n," he started quietly, "you should be working on your project right now not staring off into space. We only have 2 more days before it's due."

You throw him a shy smile, blushing at his observation of you. "You're probably right," you whisper back. Instead of listening to his advice, you go back into staring off. This, however, was not to your advantage because he began to wonder about what Chenle said. Maybe you should just confess. What if Jeno actually does reciprocate your feelings? You turned to face him again only for your thoughts to be interrupted by his knowing look.

"Y/n, don't make me say it again. You need to finish your project so you don't have to finish it all in one night like last time." Of course. How could you forget the last project that you made Jeno stay up all night to help you finish on time. It's not your fault that he's much superior in physics. Oh gosh. There's no way he could feel anything for you when your literally so stupid! Yes, y/n, you are just so so stupid smh.

~

You checked the time on your phone. 3 am. Another all nighter to finish your dumb project. Okay so maybe Jeno had a point the other day. As you set your phone down it began to vibrate. "Hey Lele," you answer after reading his caller ID. "I'm sorry but I cant talk now because I need to finish this project. Why are you even up at 3 in the morning? If this is some lame attempt to convince me to tell Jeno about how I feel, it's not gonna work. He obviously doesn't like me back."

You waited for a response, but the line went dead. Maybe it was just a butt dial. Or a PRANK!! THAT LITTLE PIECE OF CRAP! Calm down, y/n. It's physics time right now.

~

Jeno sat at Chenle's desk, helping him study for his Calculus test tomorrow. "Chenle, you are just like y/n, always waiting until the last minute. I should call her. I bet she's pulling an all nighter right now to finish that project."

"That's not fair. We can't help it that we don't have the same level of intellect as the great Lee Jeno," Chenle mocked.

"No. You two are just bad when it comes to procrastinating. My phone is dead, can I use yours?" Chenle tossed Jeno his phone and he quickly dialed your number. You answered almost immediately. Stupid y/n, staying up so late.

"I'm sorry but I cant talk now, Lele, because I need to finish this project. Why are you even up at 3 in the morning? If this is some lame attempt to convince me to tell Jeno about how I feel, it's not gonna work. He obviously doesn't like me back."

The boy sat there, his mouth a bit agape. "Jeno. Jeno. Yo! Jeno what did she say?" Chenle finally recovered Jeno's attention.

"Oh, right. Yeah she just said she was busy and could talk right now. And then she hung up," he lied just a little. "N E ways. Back to limits. If the x in the denominator is..."

~

As you walk into school the next day, you are caught a bit off guard. Jeno was waiting for you at your locker. "Hey, y/n," he smiled brightly. How could anyone not fall for that? "Did you have to stay up all night again for your project?" He asks, playing dumb.

"N-no. Not all night," you argue despite him assuming correctly.

He laughs a little. "You're cute when you try to lie." And with that, he walks off, leaving you flustered at your locker. The warning bell rings and you quickly gather your things for your first class. Not that it'll matter. There's no way you could focus now.

~

The rest of the day was fairly normal until lunch. You sat down next to Chenle like usual, but Jeno was acting a bit,, unusual. He was looking at you almost lovingly and it was starting to get a little creepy. <(￣︶￣)> "Isn't y/n just do pretty today?"

Chenle just kinda looked at you like （＞д＜）which you responded with 乁། ˵ ◕ – ◕ ˵ །ㄏ

"What do you mean, Jeno? Is y/n not pretty everyday?" Chenle questions him.

"Oh. Of course she is pretty everyday! But today she is extra prettyyyyy," he draws out the last word adding to his cuteness.

You obviously wanted to join the conversation as opposed to awkwardly sitting silently but you couldn't come up with any words. You could feel the red tint burning across your face, but it's not like you could stop it. "Uh oh. Y/n is blushing. That must mean you like me too, huh?"

"What?" Your mouth hung open. Earth to y/n!! Did you hear that right? Did he really just say too? Say something!

"Ha! That's 20 bucks, y/n! I knew you couldn't tell him first," Chenle screeched, only briefly capturing the attention of the lunchroom. After the students returned to their own lunches and conversations, Jeno continued:

"I asked if you liked me. Of course, I already know the answer."

"Then why do you ask?" You reply rather innocently.

"Because I want to hear you say it again."

"Again?!" You question at the same time that Chenle shouts it.

"Yeah, again. Y/n confessed to me on the phone last night," Jeno elaborates. "So if that was some sort of bet, well, she won I guess."

You nearly died of embarrassment. "Wait so that wasn't Lele calling me yesterday? It was you? And I just-"

"Wait Jeno, you said she just hung up after explaining that she was busy," Chenle argues.

"Did I forget to mention that part?"

"Oh my gosh. I can't believe I did that. Ugh," you complain while facepalming.

"So, are you gonna say it?"

"Do I have to?"

"If you want to hear me say it again then I have to hear you say it first."

"Fine. Jeno, I have had the biggest crush on you since middle school. I really like you."

"Y/n, I have had a crush on you for some time as well. I really like you too," and of course to make matters even worse for your flustered state, he adorns his confession with that signature smile that makes your heart go we got that BOOM BOOM.

~

So yeah, y/no is the ship of the school. Y'all cute or whateva. Jeno always takes you out on fun dates like roller skating or bowling. He is also SUPER CLINGY which you didn't know back when you were only friends. He loves loves loves to cuddle and can almost always be found with his arms around your waist like a koala.

[empanadadooblez]

hey do you have any tips on drawing bodies in general? Your art is incredible and I like the way you draw muscles on girls to show off their badassery. I'm having a hard time figuring out anatomy and poses. You gave off a really good long explanation on how to draw certain characters. So if you could, would you be able to show a process on how you draw bodies.

awww, hello sweet anon, I can give you a general list, but if you’re looking for something with pictures and examples, you are welcome to shoot me another ask and I can most definitely do that for you. 

Also p.s, if you’re guys ever want to ask a question, it’s a little easier for me to answer when you phrase it to something specific, it lets me focus on the details cause I can’t name everything all at once sometimes. 

please tell me to elaborate on these certain subjects if you want, I’d really like to help you guys and give you tips, these are some that I’ve picked up on along the way anatomically, but remember that you can take realistic anatomy and stylize it however you choose, it all depends on your style!

but here we go:

ears start at the top of your eyes and end at the bottom of your nose

wrists end at the crotch

space between the eyes is approximately one eye

pectorals connect up to the deltoids

the nape of your neck arcs slightly, it’s not flat!

sternocleidomastoids connect to the centers of your clavicles

neck is about the same width as the head

arm is composed in a chain link pattern 

try using a tilted diamond/square shape as a base for hands

So these are good places to start experimenting, once I realized a lot of these, my art improved so much more. There’s a LOT more that I’m sure I’m missing, but again if you’d like me to elaborate on any of those little bullet points, just let me know.

What I can tell you is that you shouldn’t be afraid to just DO YOU.

Some artists can draw super realistically, but chose to go with a stylized version that they like better. Again, it’s all about what you want.

I, for one, EXAGGERATE A WHOLE FUCKING LOT.

While maybe it’s possible, it’s not every day you see the height and size differences I show between the characters that I draw in real life. I looooove body and facial differences between characters and it frustrates me when I watch shows where everyone seems to have the same body size/type ugh 

For example, working with Aged Up BNHA, I base their bodies off their quirks, enough said.

Kirishima is a shield, his quirk is one that can be used for offence AND defense, it revolves around BRUTE STRENGTH so of course I’m going to make him big and beefy.

Bakugou’s explosions provide him with the brute strength, he doesn’t need to have bulging muscles because his explosions are what give him force, he propels himself with them. Bakugou needs to be compact with firm joints, strong legs that help him land and broad shoulders to take his blasts. And self indulgence talking here, but I’m not gonna ignore his canonically tiny waist omg

Sero’s quirk doesn’t give him the luxury of physical enhancement, he built his body up himself. Like Bakugou he needs those strong, thick ass legs to land AND jump when he uses his tape like spiderman omg. Sero’s definitely got a runner’s body, he’s trim and tall, but not lanky in the least, he’s all lean muscle as opposed to Kiri’s weighty build.

Mina is a dancer, just recently did we witness that, bless her soul I love her. But given that, LEGS and hips. Mina’s quirk, like Sero’s, doesn’t give her physical enhancements. Her acid might be able to be shot out of her hand, but I think she needs to be able to pitch very well too, so that girl’s got some fucking arms on her. 

Kaminari is about the same as Bakugou. He can still do damage at a distance so he doesn’t need the brute strength the way Kirishima does. He’s one of the smaller of the boys, slim but not scrawny. He definitely needs to be fit (as do all heroes) and I think he’d be FAST and once he’s able to get a better handle on his quirk, be able to use that to his advantage the way Bakugou does.

Outside the Bakusquad, I’d like to mention my Momo! Some one wrote an entire thing about this that inspired me, but long story short. Momo is a girl with a quirk that requires BODY MASS in order to function. Her fat cells are what are manipulated into the matter she uses to create objects. She NEEDS body mass, she needs meat on her bones that aren’t just her boobs for fan service. She creates WEAPONS and my girl can and will be strong enough to wield a medieval saber if she wanted to. Along with fat, she’d have muscle, strong enough to benchpress a fully grown man

And finally Izuku! Like Kirishima, Izuku’s quirk is one that needs brute strength as well, his body needs to be able to hold up to the strength of his own quirk, this is All Might’s quirk we’re talking about here people omg. Baby needs to be broad and well compacted, maybe not to the extent of All Might’s body, but again, he still needs his mass to throw his quirk around and be able to take 

I’m sorry!!!! I don’t think you were expecting me to talk about this, but this literally is my PROCESS. The body type you choose for your own character and others that you are working with tell a story in their own right. Anatomy can give you clues on personality, the way you depict and present a character as well.

At the end of the day I’m working with Heroes, they need to be strong and their quirks are able to find home in their bodies. I’m not afraid to put muscle of these beautiful girls or throw some curves on the boys. It’s okay to completely go off course from the canon standard

And sweet anon, I thank you so much for the compliment, but I’m still learning myself. I can try and help you, so please just let me know anytime and I’ll try and work up a tutorial of sorts for you guys

Learn from the artists around you as well, study their work and try and put two and two together, because oh my god I had the discovery of a lifetime when I started piecing together some of my own favorite artist’s anatomy just this year!

Also, just a suggestion, but I wouldn’t mind recording myself draw certain body types for y’all if you want!

Thank you to those who read the whole way through, I hope this answers some of your question omg I went off on a tangent there 💦

- Panda ❤