#but i'm trying to allow myself to just create and not think too much about it!!!! so we're good!!! AAAAAA

[bribinart]

i haven't even gotten to this point of the game yet and i'm already devastated (prints!)

[the-fiction-witch]

I'm Gonna Kill Him

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating Angsty Smut!

Requested:

Hello! Before I start, I just wanted to say that I love your book so much! Could you create an imagine or a smut scene from your Jack Dawkins' book where they've broken up, and Y/N visits Jack's place that led them to having a angry/makeup sex? Then, a week later, Y/N discovers she's pregnant with his baby, which ultimately brings them back together.

Warnings : angst / angry sex, cheating, slapping, spanking, choking, biting,

I didn't want to go back, I felt like I was never going to hear the end of it. 

But I want my damn book back. 

So I got myself dressed into my black and emerald dress doing my utmost to look beautiful and glamorous, If I have to see him then god damn it he's gonna have to look at me like I'm a princess. 

I finished up and headed out into town making sure I was seen, making a point to be seen by men until I reached the hospital. I headed in proudly seeing the usual bustle of nurses and patience.

"Ohh Miss Y/n, Dr Dawkins is in his room" Hetty smiled as she saw me

"Thank you Hetty" I smiled 

"He has said he didn't want you in there miss y/n" 

"I'm well aware of what he wants." I rolled my eyes as I headed up to his room not even bothering to knock simply opened the door and saw Jack lying on his bed fiddling with a coin between his fingers, he looked up and looked annoyed 

"Ohh. What do you want?"

"You know exactly what I want. Where is it?"

"I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about" 

"Where is my book, Jack?"

"How should I know?"

"I left it here, I missed it when I was packing, I know you have it, where is it?"

"Why would I want your mouldy old book? I don't have it." He snapped getting up from his bed

"I know you do, you're just keeping it to be hurtful"

"Hurtful! I'm not the one who went bloody psycho !"

"PSYCHO!"

"You heard me!"

"I wasn't the one who violated the sanctity of a union"

"Ohh here we go again! I didn't violate anything!"

"You liar!"

"At least she didn't kick me out of bloody bed in the morning!"

"So you admit it!"

"Yeah fine, I admit it! does that soothe your ego princess!" 

Immediately I slapped him across the face and he didn't even flinch 

".... I will never hit a woman. But your making it really fucking tempting!"

"Ohh go on then you scrawny little shit I'd like to see you try!"

"I was a naval officer you think I can't take a little lady in a fight!"

"Officer! Like hell, you only were because you sat on the right laps!" 

"How dare you!" He yelled, "You repugnant little witch!"

I went to slap him again but he grabbed my wrist before I could throwing my arm back

"Ohh you gonna hit me with your parasol too?" He glared 

"You are an unbelievable bastard! I can't believe I-"

"You what?"

"I can't believe I even considered us for a moment!"

"Yeah well same here! I dodged a bloody bullet. I'd have spent my life stuck married to you!"

"Ohh I'd have made your life a living hell every second of it just for the thrill of it!"

"You would wouldn't you! you'd have turned me into some little pitiful house husband just to spide me wouldn't you!" 

"I would I'd have torn you down so low you'd be looking up to kiss my feet!" I yelled "And I'd have taken pleasure in it you evil man! treacherous! fuckwit!"

He grabbed my waist and pulled me into a kiss, I was so very angry with him, I wanted to slap him off me but I didn't want to kiss him back I wanted to win! I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of my submission, So I kissed him with force, trying to take control, but he would not allow that so easily forcing his tongue down my throat but I argued with him even at this moment battling with him in a war of our tongues, I grabbed his shirt desperate for control but he grabbed my waist and unlaced my dress, making quick work of it given his quick nibble surgeons fingers, I didn't want him to win so I began unbuttoning his trousers, once undone he grabbed my waist and forced me down onto the bed But I grabbed his hips and forced him down flat on the mattress 

"Don't you even think about it!" He groaned flipping us over so I was under him 

"I refuse to be under such a bastard." I gritted my teeth 

"You can ride me if you wish." 

"Not on your life." 

"Open your legs, Or I'll bend you over it's up to you." 

"Maybe I'll bend you over."

"You would you little succubus!"

"Well, how else was I meant to keep up with you!"

"You always did you were a little Fucking whore for me" He growled forcing off my dress "God damn it you are an evil, conniving, little witch but god had to give you that fucking body didn't he!" 

"He didn't have to make you such an unreasonable, arrogant, illiterate, Imbosile but here we are" I smirked clawing as his shirt 

"And we both know what he gave me to make up for that" He growled pulling his suspenders off his shoulders and forcing off his shirt as he pulled me into another aggressive kiss I clawed down his chest almost drawing blood as he forced me on my knees, 

"Don't even think about it, Jack!" I glared but he forced my hips up to his and dug his nails into my ass

"I'll do much more than think about it" he smirked pushing off his trousers and forcing himself inside me, 

as much as I hated it, my anger bubbling in my bones, but... I moaned as I had missed the feeling of him inside me, he didn't waste a single moment starting his fast and angsty thrusts, pounding into me like his life utterly depended on it, I moved my hips back trying to take control but I think it was a little late for that even so I made sure to force him into the pace I wanted which only frustrated him more, the bed creaking and squeaking, his violent grunts and groans much the sounds one would make in a fight tumbling from behind me until he began to slow his breaths getting looser 

"That all you got little boy?" I smirked moving myself 

"I. Am. Not. A boy!" He groaned grabbing my hair and pulling on it to bring my ear to his lips "Don't make have to teach my succubus a lesson!" He growled bitting on my shoulder 

"Ughhhhhh! Uhhhhh!" I squealed given his pace didn't stop his angle hitting where I needed "You whore so bad you missed me this much?!" 

"Missed you? You know what I did I missed your pussy princess I've got it just how I love it. But we wanna talk about who missed who, who came here showing off like she was the fucking queen all for her little fucking book back"

"and you caved this quickly? I thought you had more resilience than that Jack?"

"Not around you I don't" He smirked moving a hand to rub my clit 

"Uhhhhhh!" I gasped and he forced me back down onto the pillow "See I knew you missed me" I gasped 

"You can't blame me for missing a pussy I've fucked for the last two years. took a long time to get you this good." 

"Like I didn't train you" I smirked "Jack please-"

"Yeah? you need me that bad you had to come see me?" he cooed "Cause you know I'm the only person in port victoria who can make you cum"

"I can do it myself then I don't have to deal with your bloody ego!"

"fine, then I'll stop-" He smirked going to sloe

"Don't you fucking dare Jack!" I groaned forcing him to move quicker until I almost ripped his sheets as I screamed reaching my high 

"fuck you sound good like that" He groaned "I could almost put up with your shit for that noise" 

"I bet you could" I smirked forcing us over so he was down on his back 

"I knew you couldn't resist" He smirked

"You dare I will slap that smirking face of yours" I warn moving to ride him as aggressively as possible 

"UGhhhhhhhh fucking- you evil little thing"

"shut up Jack," I warn bouncing and moving mercilessly on him 

"Come on then princess make me cum" He smirked 

"I said shut up!" I yelled wrapping my hands around his neck to slightly choke him 

"UUughhhhhhhhhh!" he groans "Fuck-" He gasped his hips bucking like crazy as he buried himself inside of me so I pulled my hands back and caught my breath "Fine. I admit it. I've missed you" he gasped 

"Fine. I missed you too." I sighed climbing off him and going to get my dress but he grabbed me and pulled me back into the bed so he could cuddle me my head on his chest 

"Now you have... all of that out of your system, and have had time to pout. am I allowed to actually explain myself?"

"What's there to explain, you fucked her Jack. Plain and simple, what do you have to explain?"

"Will you listen anyway?" He asked stroking my hair 

"Fine. If you want to waste your breath."

"She has a problem"

"ohh I bet she did-"

"No. Listen. shut your mouth a while and listen to what I'm saying." he snapped "She has a problem, a medical problem, inoperable, incurable, she'll be dead within the month if not sooner" he explained quietly as he gently pets my hair "She was an innocent"

"was she? I bet she told you that." I said back almost in a whisper 

"Y/n. I swear to you, she told me, in confidence that she was an innocent, given the state of her condition she accepted her death and had began to make arrangements for the future,"

"And where do you come into all this?"

"I'm her doctor. I've been treating her. She asked me to... she said of all the things in this world that she will miss, she wanted to feel the touch of a man just once in her life." He whispered "So I did, Yes I fucked her. Should I have done it... I don't know. But do I regret it? No. would I do it again, I frankly don't know. I'm not sure I would If I'd have known I'd lose you because of it."

"Why you? She could have asked many, barely a man in Port Victoria that wouldn't want to fuck a virgin."

"Because I'm her doctor, and I was engaged. She trusted me. She didn't want to be used like some old whore she wanted to feel loved, and she knew she could trust me because I'm her doctor, and she wouldn't leave a man utterly in love with her behind, because she knew I loved you."

"Is that true?"

"Why would I lie to you now? you've already left me."

"why didn't you just tell me that?"

"Because I fucked another woman plain and simple... you didn't want to listen and it would only dig myself deeper if I did" 

"...it wasn't what you did Jack."

"No?"

"No. I just wish you'd have told me first."

"What?" he asked sitting up  a little 

"If you had come to me, and told me about her, about her illness, about what she had asked of you. I'd have allowed it." 

"No, you wouldn't-"

"I would. Because it is a kind thing to do Jack, if I was dying I'd have asked you too. I wish you had come and asked me, I'd have allowed it, but instead, I had to find out afterwards, from Sneed of all people not even you, that you broke my trust."

"I know, I was just worried you'd be angry if I told you." 

"I was more angry you didn't"

"That's fair." He nods "I fucked up, and I know that. it doesn't matter now... She's dead anyway."

"What?"

"Passed away this morning." 

"I'm sorry Jack-"

"It's fine. she doesn't have to suffer anymore. I'm happy, I could make her final days somewhat enjoyable"

"You're kind, and sweet when you want to be" 

"I am sorry. Believe me."

"Well... it doesn't matter now does it."

"I guess not." he sighed "She didn't even call me Jack."

"No?"

"No. Just Doctor Dawkins" He chuckled 

"Did you use her name?"

"I did. I wanted to make her feel loved... But I thought of you." He whispered kissing my forehead 

"You did?"

"I did. I imagined her body as yours, her voice as yours," He said "You know you're the only girl who can satisfy me. so I thought of you"

"... I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse." I sighed 

"Y/n..."

"Yes, Jack?"

"Is there, any possibility, no matter how slim? That, you and I may... rekindle even a portion of what we had before?" 

"I doubt it, Jack." I said moving to see his face "I will always love you, but I can't forgive you." 

"Could I do anything for you to forgive me?"

"No. Once trust is broken... like a delicate vase chattered, the pieces may be placed back, but you will always see the crack." I explained "Who's to say... another girl, in a similar state, asks the same of you, I cannot trust that you wouldn't do it again"

"... I understand." he nods "And I am sorry. I will always love you, you know that. No matter what you do, or say, my heart will always be yours." 

"And Mine yours." I smiled giving him a sweet kiss "I should go." I said climbing out the bed and starting to get dressed again 

"I don't know what I'm gonna do without you," he said as he watched me dress 

"I'm sure you shall find ladies to spend of the evening." 

"It's not the evening that worries me, it's the mornings, and the middays, and the afternoons, and the middle of the nights, a fuck is a fuck, but when you cum it's over, with you... every moment and all of it felt like heaven" 

"Well, such are the consequences of your actions." I sighed "Now? my book."

He rolled his eyes sitting up slipping his trousers on and pulling my book from under his mattress 

"Thank you" I snapped taking it back "A reason you kept it?"

"...reminds me of you." 

"You always complained you couldn't read it. my stupid spider scrawl handwriting"

"I can't. but I know what it says... when I read it, chasing the words around the page I- I heard your voice reading it to me" 

for a moment I felt teary "Keep it." I said handing back the book 

"No." he said pushing it back into my hand and kissing my lips in a soft and gentle way "Please don't labour me with memories of you." 

"Alright," I nodded "Goodbye Jack."

"Goodbye Y/n" He nods fighting back his tears 

I took my book and I left heading home. 

I sat in bed fresh as the morning sun, unable to bring myself to rise just yet, I turned and saw my book on my bedside table and I thought of him, for a moment all our nights of enthroned passion returned, I thought of our last night together over a month ago now of angst and anger, I thought of how he held me that night, how he kissed me still with all the love that he had always done so, 

I thought of the most wonderful moments, Of how his head would settle in my lap after the day's work, I would twist and knot my fingers in his golden locks, he would press a kiss to my thighs, and I would read to him, all that I had written, and he would offer me suggestions of words that suited better, listing synonyms for me to replace the overused words. 

I forced such thoughts away and sat myself up checking the day on my calendar I knew what to expect today pulling back my covers but- they were as white as sheep. This couldn't be? I was late already. I tried not to allow panic to set in given my typical irregularities.

"Miss I have brought your you porridge with honey" The maid smiled as she came through with my breakfast but the simple smell was enough

"Out." I demanded throwing my head off my bed to upturn my stomach into the bucket I had left there, and she scurried away. "No... No this can't be possible." I forced myself up and over to my mirror pulling back my nightie to expose my stomach it didn't look any different or maybe it did... I don't know. and the memory of that night flooded into my mind, of him finishing burying himself inside me as I rode him, "No... no no no.... I'm gonna kill him..." I whined grabbing my dress and hurrying as fast as my feet could to the hospital rushing up to his room without a word. But I froze up as I saw his door- 

to think of all that had happened, How I stormed out, I'd returned once and clearly that was an awful mistake I- didn't exactly feel thrilled I was returning yet again. but I knocked and soon enough he pulled it open.

"Oh, its you. What can I do for you?" He asked fixing his waistcoat

"I need you." I told him rushing into his room

"Uhh okay" He nods shutting his door with a wicked smile "So... Shall I repeat our last night my darling?"

"No." I snapped "I need your... medical, Intervention"

"my medical intervention?"

"Yes."

"You realize patients have to wait in the waiting room you know, you can't just come up to a doctor's bedroom to get seen faster, even if it is you."

"Jack. Please." I told him fear in my voice tears in my eyes and he melted his own panic set in 

"What is it?"

"I am... so very scared Jack."

"Alright just sit down, tell me what's wrong," he said helping me to sit on his bed 

"My monthly time is late."

"Alright, well such thing can happen you have been stressed these few weeks" He explained nervously pacing around his room as I spoke 

"Over a month."

"Perhaps simple change in your cycle" 

"I have been vomiting." 

"A bad fish may have simply turned your stomach," he said his fear growing as he too was coming to the conclusion I had already suspected but he didn't want it to be true, he didn't want to believe me, 

"My waist grows... Inch by inch. Almost weekly. gaining speed steadily"

"Bloating. could simply-"

"Jack. I might be pregnant." 

"You might." He nods "It could be a million other-"

"I. Might be pregnant." I told him getting to my feet "By the grace of god I need to know." 

"I'd need to track your cycle completely, and I don't have that information."

"You had it as up to date as I did until I left and I haven't bleed since so-"

"Well, how do I know what you've been doing?" He glared So I slapped him and he adjusted his jaw a little "How am I to know who the father is?"

"You." I said and the colour drained from his skin "I have never been touched by another man as long as I have lived. If I am pregnant... It is yours. or it is gods." 

"It can't be mine. I always-"

"Not always, Our last evening together..."

"Fuck-" He gasped "I have thought of that night a hundred times, your right. I didn't"

"So, Doctor. What do we do?" 

"I need a rabbit." He sighed 

I had to return to the hospital, to Jack twice daily once in the morning, once at night and each day, for three days, and I had to drink a whole jug of water and well... expel it. and this was the final time. 

"There, Now will we know?" I asked 

"Yes. we should do" He said as he took it in a firm needle "shhh shhh there's a good girl" He cooed to the little rabbit on the table, I had since after all these days named her hoppy, and he injected her "Five minutes" he said 

"I do not understand how these things work" I sighed 

"You want me to explain?"

"Not really."

"Fair enough." He said turning to his tools a moment and grabbing a large knife 

"Jack- What are you doing!"

"Finding out" He began moving quickly to-

"No!" I yelped stopping him "Jack! that's barbaric." 

"I have been injecting her with your urine for the last three days, if her ovaries are enlarged and she has gone into heat then you are pregnant, if she hasn't you are not."

"Is there no way to check without killing her?"

"No. now do you want to know or not?" 

"There must be a simpler way."

"Yes, there is. we wait nine months and see if a baby pops out of you."

"You know we can't do that. but that doesn't mean I allow you to butcher an innocent animal"

We both stopped a moment as hoppy moved a little and began humping the blanket she sat on aggressively 

"I'd say she's in heat"

"I need to check. for sure."

"Fine" I sighed 

"I'll be quick, painless" he said making quick work of killing the poor thing before then cutting it open to examine her 

"And?"

".... her ovaries are Enlarged. Extremely so. She is in heat." He said dropping his knife on the table 

"So..."

"You're pregnant." 

"... I see." I nodded my hands settling on my stomach in absolute fear but Jack took my face in his hand and sweetly kissed me sending blood across my skin, till he pulled back stroking his nose on mine as he always used to

"This is the happiest news you could have given me."

"Happy? Jack, I am pregnant out of wedlock. My father will banish me, society will crucify me, and our child will suffer as a bastard all of its life." I explained, "What am I to do?" 

"I know exactly what you are to do. Take back my ring."

"What?"

"Take back my ring, return our lives to how they were, before my mistake, marry me by the end of the week and we, can raise our child together. As husband and wife," 

"We cannot-"

"Why not?"

"I already told my father of our cancelled engagement"

"Then tell him it was nothing but a lovers tiff. and that all is as it was." He said "I still love you, I still want us to be together, I still want to marry you. and I want us to raise our child together. Please. You cannot expect me to let you go again, I made that mistake once letting you walk away from me, I am not foolish enough to allow it again, especially not while my child grows in your womb" 

"You can not simply expect me to trust you again Jack."

"I'm not. I'm asking you to let me earn it back." He said, "Please Y/n." 

"Yes" I gasped

"You-"

"Yes Jack."

"Y/n... my darling" He cooed pulling me back to his lips. 

[tossawary]

I saw "Hadestown" a while ago and found it pretty fun, especially because while it is a retelling of the Orpheus and Eurydice myth, it is also doing its own thing. It sets the story in a company town and presents a Hades in his aspect as the god of wealth. Though, it's not always clear in "Hadestown" what is figurative and what is literal. It plays with that mythological line a lot.

Hades is a wealthy businessman who owns mines and factories, which exhaust and trap (and presumably kill) the workers, a "god" among men, and Eurydice comes to work for him out of desperation. She doesn't actually die in this story... uh, I'm pretty sure. You can interpret the musical's ending a lot of different ways, I suppose. But when Eurydice first ends up in "the Underworld", in Hades' clutches, and signs a work contract to survive, her "death" is figurative.

So, when Orpheus comes to retrieve Eurydice, "Hadestown" is presenting us with a version of the story in which Eurydice can actually get away. She's not trapped by something as inescapable as death. When Orpheus appeals to Hades' love for Persephone and convinces this "god" to release Eurydice, I was watching the couple walk away together and thinking to myself, "What if they made it? What if they get to live together this time?"

I knew they wouldn't.

It still hurt.

And it later occured to me that a happy ending would betray not only the original myth, but also betray the new story that "Hadestown" presents to us.

"Hadestown" is a story concerned with poverty, with the fear of starvation and freezing to death, with the labor and rights of workers, with the oppressive power of wealth, with the selfishness of the rich. It's not subtle about it. At all. Hades is here as a figurative god of death, but he is very much present in his aspect as a god of wealth.

Hades releases Eurydice, but makes it conditional, because while Orpheus' song has softened him, he immediately becomes worried that this kindness makes him look weak and will set a bad example for all of his other workers. He doesn't want other workers to try for freedom or for other people to believe his workers can be set free. He curses Orpheus with doubt in order to make him look back.

Personally, I thought that the ending became a little messy, regarding what was figurative and what was literal. It fell back more into mythology, with how arbitrary Hades' condition is and how looking back automatically took Eurydice away. But I still liked it. Musical theatre is very well suited to that kind of blurriness in its lines.

If Orpheus had suceeded in saving Eurydice in this version, then the story would be saying that you can have your happy ending if you just work hard enough for it, if you're special enough, if you believe in yourself. The story would be saying: Orpheus' beautiful voice convinced a powerful, wealthy man that he and Eurydice were unique, that their love story was different, that their tragedy was unfair, and that they shouldn't be treated like the other poor workers. You just have to sing the right pretty song and people will listen to you out of the goodness of their hearts.

It's kind of what a modern audience expects: the heroes will succeed. They will succeed because they worked hard and they were special. The fact that Orpheus fails here too, even though Eurydice wasn't dead in this story, feels like a song getting stuck in your head because the ending is missing. It feels wrong. It's upsetting.

It made me think about how their ending was unfair. It made me think that their tragedy shouldn't have happened. That they could have been happy if only Hades hadn't taken advantage of Eurydice's poverty, if he wasn't so cruel to his exploited workers who create his wealth, if he didn't hoard his wealth instead of sharing it around, and if the wealth hadn't been allowed to go to one person in the first place. Orpheus and Eurydice were not without flaws, sure, but they were ordinary people just trying to make their way in the world. The "don't look back" condition is so arbitrary and unfair and disrespectful.

Everything happened at the unkind whims of a wealthy businessman who was scared of looking weak and losing power. It's not fair and it's all Hades' fault.

To me, though they tell you from the beginning that this is a tragedy, it seemed like "Hadestown" wanted you to think, "Maybe Orpheus and Eurydice will make it this time," and then wanted you to feel let down when they didn't. And maybe then wanted you to think to yourself, "As long as this same story keeps happening, they're never going to make it. Maybe there shouldn't be gods of wealth putting conditions on freedom, and deciding who lives and who dies. It's not fair."

[konniesreality]

Hey Konnie, I'm going to share my success story with you.

So, for context, I've known about the void for I think over a year and I've been in the LOA community since I was 8. I've also had the most disgusting life all around especially when it came to my spiritual life but that's not important right now.

I've always been lazy when it came to the void, like on one hand I was like "Finally a method that guarantees success no matter what" but on the other hand I was like "Ugh, this is too much I don't feel like doing this right now" and kept making excuses. Because I knew about waking up in the Void State I'd go to bed and just fall asleep after listening to subliminals and affirming thinking that was going to do anything for ME personally. (P.S. just because it didn't work for me doesn't mean it won't work for you.) I did this for MONTHS and kept wondering why it wasn't working. Like I knew I was lazy but I just really couldn't bother at all...until recently.

I decided that I wanted to change and that I'd go back to the basics of the Void. I switched out the subliminals that I used before and created a fresh playlist. Link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLA_GYb1XT6i7XafhzWTNCnerDt1x9HOiz I simply worked on fulfilling myself internally and went within entirely. Then, two weeks ago I randomly decided to just "meditate" into the void. So, I just laid down, stayed still and RELAXED. I didn't even think about the Void, my attention was to simply relax and be. Eventually, I did relax to the point my body went slightly numb so I took it as a sign to start affirming for the Void. The affirmations I used are "I am" and "I am void". I started experiencing soooooooo many symptoms such as the floaty feeling, losing my senses, the darkness behind the eyes getting darker (I wanted my void to be pitch black hence why it got dark) also that really weird eye fluttery thing idk what that is called but yeah I had that too. I was literally spinning and my heart was about to jump out of my chest istg BUT I focused on my breathing and my affirmations.

Then the weirdest thing happened. Now, mind you, I've NEVER gotten this close to entering the Void IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. But I kid you not, I felt myself literally DETACH from my body, well I more felt it in my face/head because I couldn't feel my body but you get the point. Like I felt HOLLOW like WHAT. I was internally screaming and I started to smile because I was like "I'm finally entering the void after how long now." Buttttttt when I was literally five seconds away from entering the Void completely my lovely father came in the room to ask me something so I OBVIOUSLY snapped out. (Still salty btw) But I can tell you that I was 90% in the Void and they weren't lying about feeling pure bliss and happiness and feeling calm as well as being one with yourself because I felt it too. And when I "got out" I felt SO SMUG cause I was like, I finally figured out what method works best for me AND I know when and how to do it.

So, my directions in case you want to try it out.

Go to bed around 30 minutes - 1 hour earlier. Or do it when you're going to take a nap, but it works best for me at night. Also, make sure your eyes are like slightly burning, not ask why just trust me. but not to the point it's watering just enough to make sure you're a little sleepy and will make you relax easier because I find that works best.

2. Then, relax your body and allow all thoughts to float by, don't pay any attention to it. Also, focus on your breathing. (You can do breathing techniques but I just went with a slow but natural pace of breathing, for me of course)

3. ANY SYMPTOMS IGNORE THEM ALL!! It may be hard but honestly, it's kind of like ignoring someone when they talk shit- bad example but you knowww. Just focus on breathing and affirmations here.

4. Make sure to affirm when you are ready, trust me you will know because it'll be like a gut feeling. Or when you feel really relaxed like you're in a tropical paradise or something just start to affirm. Also, I would imagine things that I'd be doing in my hr (home reality) because affirming is kinda boring after a while so I interchanged them.

And that's about it, I think the important thing to take away here is to do what works FOR YOU. If you know that this method doesn't work for you but you saw it works for me, that is not an invitation to change your method. Also, remember always that the void IS YOU, it will not exist without you so don't put it on a pedestal. You got this always and have fun living your dream life. You were born a master of the void so no excuses.

Also that new subliminal that you made is LITERALLY the only sub I use now and it's BOMB. But I obviously linked my playlist bc I used to use it.

OMG IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! Thank you so much for using my subliminal and most importantly sharing your success! It’s the truth! Find what works for you and R E L A X I know you will get in again!! TSYM for linking the playlist too! 💕💗💗

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

I just made myself a cup of a new tea, one from a set that a friend sent me. I was super curious to try it with and without milk in it, so after I take a sip without, I'm going to add milk to my tea.

That may seem like such an inane little story to post on a blog, unless you have an eating disorder. I'm sure many of you know what a big deal milk in tea can be, and what an important act of self-love it is.

It was poured into many of our ears, approaching teenhood in the mid-2000's, not to "drink our calories." For those of us whose restriction was weight-based, many of us practiced filling ourselves with water, with our coffee black and unsweetened whether that was how we liked it or not, and with tea that never contained milk.

Like many people who've struggled with binge eating and with restriction, I struggle with creating anxiety-inducing rules about when is okay to eat, especially if I'm between meals and worrying if I should allow myself a snack, or if it's okay to quench my thirst with anything other than water. This is especially true between meals. For some reason my brain has accepted the "extra" caloric intake as part of a meal, but still balks at the idea of introducing these things independently into non-meal parts of the day. I would like to note that my chronic illness and my body's reaction to food has also influenced this weird relationship between me and my favorite treats, such as a piece of candy, or a beverage that might happen to contain a greater-than-zero calorie count.

But tonight, before bed, I want to try this tea. And it sounds like one that'd be super tasty with milk, as it has cocoa powder and vanilla in the blend. So I let my tea cool in the room with me as I type this, telling myself that I can get up and go back for milk after I taste it.

Now I have gone to the kitchen.

Now I have poured in a splash of milk and tasted. It's soy milk, as regular milk sometimes hurts my stomach and I don't want my sleep to be disrupted. Due to my chronic illness, this is still something I have to think about, and I'll be honest, I hate it. Things like this make it so hard to tell myself I can let go of my food fears, because my brain knows that some of my food fears will turn out to have validity, and so what if they all do?

Now I have poured in another splash. Tasted.

Now I have poured in a third, much larger splash. Tasted.

Oh, this is it. This tea tastes like a warm dessert. But now it's too cool, so I need to microwave it back to its best heat. I used to not want to microwave my food. As a teen I heard a hippie say that microwaves destroy the nutrients in your food because the radiation breaks down their molecular structure. This is absolutely false. In fact, it's been disproven that microwaves break down nutrients any more than other methods of heating food, but for a long time I believed it. And even after I learned the truth, I still found it hard to convince myself it was okay to use microwaves for a very long time.

I have just finished my tea in my room. I took the time to identify that I wanted it. I took the time to truly taste it in several different ways, consider how I felt I wanted it and bring it to those specifications. It wasn't planned for any specific time or day, but I agreed to give myself this the way I wanted it anyway. I've been drinking my coffee with milk every morning, too. I actually like black coffee, but I like it better with milk. And I give myself things throughout the day that I enjoy, to enhance my experience of my existence. Life is hard, and it's okay to allow yourself, to the fullest extent you can, the small joys that bring you through the day.

I wanted to share this with you. I hope you don't feel the crushing weight of morality when staring at a bottle of regular soda and the sugar-free, when you wake up with your morning coffee, when your self-care regimen includes a cup of tea. I hope you practice actively giving yourself the love you need this week. And I hope you give it to yourself exactly the way you need it.

[coca-lastic]

Here For You | F. Odair

Summary: Finnick takes care of you when you're on your period

Tw: Menstruation, insecurities, boyfriend!Finnick, stress

A/N: I'm sorry if the representation of menstruation in this story doesn't match your personal experience, normally my fics are created from thoughts I have myself. My first language is not English, so if there is an error I would appreciate it if you could tell me <3

Second day waking up in sheets completely stained with blood. Cursing yourself for not having put darker colored sheets, gray wasn't enough, it seemed.

Normally when you're on your period all you want to do is literally do nothing. You just get up, eat whatever you have in the refrigerator for breakfast, sleep or watch a movie until lunchtime arrives, order something to eat and continue watching series and movies while eating chocolate.

Definitely everything you wanted. But not today. Finnick had invited you for a morning walk for over a week. Apparently he bought you some gifts.

Finnick is too sweet to cancel his plans. So you started to get ready, starting with a hot shower to dull the pain, or at least that's what you wanted because it turned out to be completely useless.

Getting out of the shower you start dressing with the first thing you packed. Of course, you didn't expect to finish dressing, look in the mirror and completely beg for your reflection.

What was the point of showering and getting ready if the result would still be negative?

You hated thinking like that, inside you knew that it was part of the symptoms of menstruation but...what if it wasn't?

Maybe if you looked bad, maybe those clothes didn't flatter you, or maybe the makeup was too little and didn't cover all your imperfections.

How the fuck could you see your boyfriend looking so bad?

First of all, how the fuck would he want to see you looking like that?

Normally you would keep thinking about it, over and over again until you destroy yourself. But not today. It was probably already late, there was no time to overthink. So you decided to look for other clothes.

But there wasn't. There were no clothes that fit you well, there were no clothes that could make your body look like the body you want to have, there are no clothes that can cover those details that you hate so much.

Some tears began to leak from your eyes, you tried to hold them back. It wasn't time to cry. Not today.

But it was difficult, it was difficult to try to contain your thoughts when you always felt that even the smallest thing was against you.

When you finally found some pants that might fit you and tried to put them on, you realized that they were too big for you.

"I should eat more..."

"It should look better..."

No, not now, not today.

When you resumed your search for clothes you heard the doorbell ring in your house and all you wished was that it was a girl wearing something and not your boyfriend.

But no, because today everything was against you.

You walked towards the living room, wearing pants that were too big for you and the shirt from the first outfit, looking terrible.

You opened the door a crack, allowing only your face to be seen. And there he was. How did he manage to look so good at all times? He didn't have to wear many things to look perfect, he didn't have to cover up imperfections to be satisfied, he didn't have to search for almost half an hour until he could make him look handsome.

"Hi hon- hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" His face changed in a single second, it went from one of his perfect, bright smiles to a worried face. Great, you couldn't even keep his happiness intact from him.

"Yeah...I'm fine" you said with your voice a little raspy and broken by the tears you had shed recently. "You're early, what a miracle"

"Honey, I'm 20 minutes late," Finnick commented, his worried face analyzing how little of your body was visible.

"Oh really?" When had time passed so quickly? Maybe when you were in the middle of your emotional crisis, but you didn't remember crying for so long... or maybe you did but you didn't want to admit it. "I'm sorry Finn, I'm not ready yet. Wait for me in the living room, I'll be ready in about 10 minutes" You opened the door a little more to allow him to enter. You were quite ashamed of how you currently looked so as soon as he entered your house you wanted to run to your room to continue with the shit you were doing.

But he grabbed your hand and made you turn to him "Hey love, what's wrong?" “He said in the most caring and loving voice possible, making you feel guilty.

"It's nothing Finnick, I was just a little stressed..."

"Love, if you want to stay home that's fine, and you don't have to keep the stress to yourself. You know I'm here for you when you need a shoulder to cry on." Stay at home? After Finnick has been planning this damn ride for like 2 weeks? Of course not.

"Finnick, I'm fine, and I don't need to cry, it's not that serious, let me go get dressed..."

"Love, your eyes are red and your makeup is a little smudged, don't lie to me. You know that I care about you and if you cry it's okay, it's normal, but don't hold back, talk to me"

"Finnick, I'm fine. I- I was just a little stressed, the walk is going to help me." Of course not, the walk has only caused more stress than menstruation normally brings.

"Honey...I won't bother if you want us to stay."

"Why the hell do you keep insisting so much on staying?! Let's go on the damn ride you've been wanting so much and that's it!" You said desperately, releasing yourself from his grip and walking quickly towards your room.

The tears returned to your eyes. You sat on the floor to continue looking for the right clothes in the mountain of things you had made on the floor. Now not only were you a mess, but your room too.

You rummaged through the clothes but there was nothing. Why the fuck wasn't there anything that made you look pretty?

The pain in your belly began to get stronger when you began to cry. You knew that stress would only make the pain worse, but it wasn't easy to stop it when you knew you had to do something quickly.

You brought your two hands to your belly when you had a very strong pain and simply let the few tears you had managed to contain come out. Tears were streaming down your face, you felt your makeup ruining more than it already was. Everything around you felt like a complete disaster, a cold, stressful mess.

"Love..." Finnick knelt next to you, since when had he been here?

In the middle of the cold environment around you, his arms surrounded you, giving you a comforting warmth, a warmth so beautiful and special. He rubbed the top of your back, giving you silent support. But that didn't stop the pain in your belly.

"Finn... It hurts so much" You whimpered as you put your head on his shoulder and wrapped your arms around his neck.

"What? What hurts you love?" He separated from you a little to examine your body in search of any bruises or cuts. His worried eyes analyzed you.

You didn't let him finish examining you perfectly, you didn't like him getting away, in fact he didn't even stop hugging you, but he walked away. So you pressed him against you again. "My belly...damn, I hate seeing a woman"

“Oh honey…” he continued rubbing his hands on your back. Your statement explained a lot of things and also gave him a clue as to what he could do to calm you down.

Finnick stood up while still hugging you. At the sudden movement you wrapped your legs around his torso. You looked like a koala, hugging him so tightly.

"Hold on tight, pretty girl." He started walking, so you braced your legs a little more around him. You couldn't see where he was going, but when you heard drops of water falling on the floor, you realized he brought you to the bathroom.

But he didn't bring you to take a shower. He grabbed the towel you normally use to dry your hands and dipped it in the hot water from the shower. Then he took you to bed and tried to lay you down, but you didn't want to let go, you were comfortable and after a morning full of stress and pain you didn't want to let go of the comfort.

"Come on love, the towel will help you"

You ignored him, you didn't really want to argue. He put you in a comfortable position and he put the hot towel on your stomach, helping to soothe the pain in a very satisfying way.

"Fucking god..." You sighed with a smile at the satisfaction of the pain subsiding.

"I'll make you some tea and bring you some pills, okay?"

"Finn...no, it's not necessary. Seriously, you wanted to go for a walk with me for days"

"Love, forget that stupid walk. I wanted to spend time with you, not time with the walk" He gave your nose a brief kiss and stood up "The walk was just an extra to the main goal" You followed his steps and tried to get up, but his hand on your arms didn't let you. "Hey, hey, what do you think you're doing?

"Finnick, the room and I are a mess, look at that mountain of clothes, I need to pick them up" He opened his mouth to protest but you interrupted him. "And look at my makeup, it will cause irritation if I don't take it off right now."

"You stay in bed, I'll do it. I can take off your makeup and, if you promise me you'll take off your makeup and stop thinking about the stupid walk, then I'll clean your room." He raised his pinky finger like a little child, hoping you would reciprocate his treatment.

He watched for a few seconds, considering how lucky he had been to find him. And the bad luck he had had in finding you.

"Ok... But I owe you something" you raised your pinky and wrapped it around his, causing him to laugh happily.

"Perfect. I'll bring the makeup remover, then I'll make the tea and bring the pill, ok?"

"Perfect"

He ran away like a child who wants to pour a glass of water from his mother in less than a minute. A few seconds later he came with everything he needed to remove the mess on my face. He did it gently, with a delicacy that I don't even use when removing my makeup.

"Ready, first task finished" And as a sign that he finished it, he gave you a brief weight on your lips before running away again, this time next to the towel that was on your belly previously, it was already cold so he decided to return. to warm it up.

On his next arrival he brought you the towel, the pill, a glass of water and another kiss to mark the completion of the task.

And for the last time he left, leaving you quite relaxed, but there were still traces of stress. The room was a mess and being alone in your room the thoughts didn't stop.

Until he arrives again, he is there with a cup of tea and some gift boxes.

"For my beautiful girl, he is the owner of my heart and the only person I clean the room for," he said, handing me the boxes and placing the cup on the table next to the bed. "These are the gifts I wanted to give you, but open them when I'm done cleaning, I want to see your reaction" and there it was, the kiss that declared the gift-giving completed. The kiss was a soft, loving, warm kiss. It made you feel complete, forget about those insecurities that wouldn't let you in peace and from the stress that was kept in your head.

After the kiss Finnick started to pick up the clothes. It took about half an hour to clean up your mess, but he did it. Meanwhile you only see it while you drink your tea. He knew how to make your tea, he knew how to make you happy, how to comfort you, how to cheer you up, he was so perfect.

And you just wish you were as perfect for him as he is for you.

"What's wrong love?"

"Oh, are you done cleaning?"

"Yes, my lady, is there anything else I can please you with?" He gave an acted bow, causing you to giggle lightly.

"No Finn, thank you, you've done enough" You said kissing him, to mark the last task completed.

"I guess now I can fulfill my goal of being with you" he lay down next to you, looking directly into your eyes, seeing you with love, with admiration, with affection. "You are so Beautiful".

And those words hit right in the center of your heart. They were such easy words to say, words that he said to you often, but now they have a different impact because after long hours of thinking of yourself as a total disaster, those words were simply gold to you.

"Are you sure about that? I...Finnick, I don't have a beautiful body. Today I tried to wear these damn pants and they are too big on me and this- this shirt makes me look bad, and- and I've cried like a little girl since that you arrived" Your tears accumulated in your eyes again and you just wanted to repress them there, so that they wouldn't come out.

"My love, don't be mad at me but that's one of the dumbest things I've heard this year. You- Honey I don't even know how to explain how beautiful you are. You don't even have to follow a beauty standard, you are the standard. Even crying you look like the most beautiful person on the entire fucking planet. And probably if I could read my thoughts every time I see you, you would never say things like that."

"But Finn I-"

"No buts, you're beautiful," He began to kiss every part of you, starting with your hands, then he got on top of you without crushing you, he moved the hot towel a little and kissed your belly, then he went up a little higher and kissed near your navel, then he went up to your breasts and, although he did not kiss them so as not to change the warm atmosphere, he passed his lips over the area, creating a ghost effect, he kissed your collarbone, he kissed your neck until he left a mark, he kissed your jaw, he kissed your nose, your ears, your eyes, your forehead, your head, and finally, your lips, he kissed them delicately, and with love. "Fuck, you saying you're not beautiful and me thinking how someone can just exploit the word beauty and be more than that."

"I love you so much Finnick" You said with cries of happiness, love and warmth escaping your eyes "I love you so much"

"I love you too, my love, more than I ever thought I could love." And with that he gave you a kiss on your lips, marking the end of the real task, making you happy. "The gifts, open them."

You got up a little to sit down and grabbed the 3 boxes, one of them was quite large, the other was a medium-sized box, maybe the size of a shoe wedge, and the third was quite small.

You started with the big one, seeing a lot of goodies inside. Chocolates, gummies, cookies. Everything he knew you liked

"Oh Finn, thank you very much. I'll probably eat all the chocolates today" you said looking at him mischievously like a little girl. He just imitated your position and he smiled at you.

You opened the second box, they were books. Your complete favorite damn saga, including the ones you haven't read. You looked at him surprised, your look said more than any thank you you could say. "Finnick, I love you, you're incredible" you said with impressive seriousness, making him laugh.

"Open the third one, it's the best"

You opened the third box, the smallest. And for a few seconds you were just left processing the information, with tears threatening to come out. With happiness overflowing from your heart. And for a moment you thought it was a dream, so you turned to Finnick, waiting for him to confirm or deny your suspicions.

"Will you marry me?"

And at that very moment you realized that nothing would make you happier than marrying him.

"Yes, oh my god, of course!" and you jumped into his arms crying and thinking that you were acting like a girl again.

Until you moved away so you could kiss him and you realized that he was just as happy as you, with teary eyes and a smile so beautiful that you kept it forever in your memory.

"Fuck, I was extremely nervous, I think my heart stopped for a moment" he said laughing more, staring into your eyes, eyes as teary as his own.

And you stuck your lips to his, swearing that you were going to be as perfect for him as he is for you and you were going to do everything he had done for you.

I literally improvised the marriage proposal so I don't know if it's shit or it turned out well, but I hope you enjoyed it <3

Finnick Odair watching Snow's death be like:

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

A/N: Don't mind me. I'm feeling angsty and protective over my sexuality today.

"Eddie's been gone for a while," Vickie said nervously.

Robin, Vickie, Eddie, and Steve had decided to go to the new gay club that opened up in Indie. They've been having a wonderful time so far, mingling and getting to know people. Meanwhile, Eddie decided to search the crowd for other bisexuals. Much to Steve’s disappointment, Eddie had found a guy that he liked and disappeared into the crowd with him.

"He's probably hitting it off," Steve muttered.

"This is what happens when you put off telling people how you feel," Robin said. "I can't believe that I managed to do it before you did."

"Thanks, very helpful, Robin," Steve said.

Suddenly, another man approached the table.

"Uh, did you guys come here with a guy named Eddie?" He asked.

"Yeah," Steve said.

"I think he's about to start a fight," the man said and pointed to the direction that Eddie was in.

"Jesus, okay. Thank you," Steve said.

He got up and started walking in that direction. A few minutes later, Steve started walking back with Eddie flung over his shoulder.

"How in the everloving fuck do I not look bisexual? How the fuck are you supposed to look bisexual? I'm sorry, am I supposed to part my hair, dye one side blue and the other side pink? How does one dress gay? I mean, you're just wearing clothes, and you happen to be queer! And if it's because of what I'm wearing, this is typical metalhead fashion. I mean, if this was true, then every metalhead would be gay. And you're telling me that bisexuals aren't allowed to use the hanky code? Also, I did not know about the code until today. I'm sorry that I don't look bisexual enough for you! Let me just change myself to fit your opinion of me! And apparently, you look bisexual and I don't! How come you get to be bisexual? Why am I not allowed?" Eddie ranted furiously. "Also, that one guy who said, "straight people are always trying to find clever ways to divide us." Excuse me?! I am not straight and what a fucked up thing to say. You know, I thought coming here would be another place to feel included, but it's just more people telling me who they think that I'm supposed to be. Being bisexual is just as queer as any other sexuality in the community. There's nothing wrong with being gay, just like there's nothing wrong with being bisexual. I'm sorry that me liking women isn't queer enough for you but this is who I am and if you don't like it then that's your problem!"

At some point, Steve had set him down and listened to him as he ranted. Finally, he stopped and sighed, dropping his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Eddie," Steve said softly.

"Anything that I do, it's always going to be wrong to everyone," Eddie said and sighed. "The worst part is how some people acted like it was something that needed to be fixed. Isn't that why this community was created? To make people see that people like us don't need to be fixed."

"I'm sorry," Steve said softly.

"That's fucked up. What the hell?" Robin asked.

Eddie sighed and started fingering the collar of Steve’s polo. He ran his fingers over the soft material of the shirt before moving them up to cup Steve’s face.

"People are always going to be telling me what I'm doing is wrong, but I'm not going to let them stop me from living the life that I want to," Eddie said.

He pulled Steve by his collar and smashed his lips to his. Steve moaned loudly in surprise before relaxing into the kiss and sighing against his lips. Vickie squealed and started hitting Robin.

"Babe, I'm right here, I can see them too," Robin said in amusement.

Eddie broke the kiss, breathing heavily. He grinned.

"Thanks for carrying me out of the fight. When I said I wanted to fight that guy, I wasn't serious, especially when he brought out his hulk of a boyfriend," Eddie said, and then he grinned. "When I need someone to fight for me, does that mean that I have a boyfriend now who's willing to fight my battles for me?"

"Boyfriend, yes. Champion, no," Steve said.

"Well, damn," Eddie said.

"It's okay, Vickie, I'm willing to be your champion, unlike some people," Robin said teasingly.

Vickie giggled and kissed Robin. Steve rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist, pulling him close.

"Maybe I won't be your fighter, but I will always be there to pull your cute little ass out of the fire and to make you feel better when people hurt you," Steve said softly.

"Are you saying you'll be my fireman?" Eddie asked.

"I guess," Steve laughed.

"You do make me feel better about myself," Eddie said as he leaned his forehead against his. "Let's get out of here. I want to kiss you all over."

"Disgusting," Robin said affectionately.

Maybe one day, people won't have a problem with his sexuality but for now, Eddie was content to live his life with his family, friends, and Steve, who accept him completely for who he is. He was a bisexual man who liked men and women. Just because other people can't see him that way, didn't mean it was any less true. It was his undeniable truth.

[bloompawz]

I don't understand the whole, "You can't explain gender stuff to kids; they're too young to understand" argument. Refusing to explain anything just results in more confusion.

As a kid, I thought that trans people were a really cool hypothetical, but didn't realize that could actually be a real thing until years later. I used to try to find portals where I could step in and swap my gender in elementary school, because I thought that would be the only way.

In third grade, we had a project where we were given the letters of our names and pictures of our faces, and we were supposed to draw the rest for a sort of classroom student book thing. I dropped some of the letters in my name to make it masculine, cut off the hair, and drew stuff that I thought was cool.

The teacher saw this and said, "Is that really how you want people to remember you?" clearly expecting me to say "no."

But I said "Yes," and the teacher argued against this for a bit, before giving in and allowing me to use the art that I made. They still made me create a version that aligned with my AGAB, though. The masculine version was only kept in black and white.

(Fun fact: My chosen name is actually almost identical to the name I chose in third grade. I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted, even with my limited knowledge on what I could do.)

I fantasized about being able to change my gender a lot as a kid, whether that meant being a boy, or being neither a girl nor a boy, or being between/some sort of boygirl. I wished that I could "genderbend," because that was the terminology I knew.

I learned that trans people actually exist in like... Middle school? And people were super transphobic at the time, so I internalized that for a few years before accepting that I'm trans. That pain could've been avoided if I had been taught from a young age that trans people exist, and that it's okay to be trans.

I was a trans kid, and I didn't know that was what I was until I was a teen, because I wasn't given the opportunity to know. Trans kids exist, regardless of whether you give them language to express their experiences or not.

And I've met trans kids who knew that terminology, and knew that they were trans because of it. I've also met kids who weren't trans, but still experimented with pronouns and gender expression for a short while to see how they felt, because they were given the freedom to do so. It's good to let kids explore who they are.

I'm also openly trans, and I don't hide this from anyone. Kids understand, even if I'm the first to explain it to them. It's not a hard concept to grasp. My little brother was introducing me to his friends as his big brother even when I was expressing myself very femininely, and hardly any kids batted an eye. Some of them were curious why I looked so feminine for a guy, and it was easy to explain. It has also been easy to explain what being nonbinary means.

Kids latch onto concepts like gender more easily than you think. Out of everyone in my family, my little brother (who still isn't even a teen yet) has been one of the most supportive people when it comes to my transition. I can't think of a time when he has misgendered me- not in years, at least. He caught on fast, and he never gets it wrong. He even corrects people who misgender me. I get misgendered by the adults in my family much more than the children.

Kids get it. All you gotta do is explain.

[weebsinstash]

I try try try try TRY (unless I'm intentionally being self indulgent) to not give Reader too many similarities or hobbies as myself

But oh my god an Author Reader, whether an actual author or a self published small time fanfic writer such as myself, really does have so much potential for Hazbin pairings and ideas

Like for example if you think of my poly radiostatic idea from before, then you would have Vox representing video, Alastor representing audio, and Reader representing the written medium/scripts symbolically, rounding out a perfect trio, with your skills inherently tying into both of their mediums while also being uniquely different

There's the obvious and juicy potential of porn author Reader catching Valentino's eye and him liking your work or seeking you out after reading something of yours online, OR you already being a cute lil employee of his and he's snooping on your laptop one day and finds loads and loads of kinky goodness he didn't know you had in you

I've even thought of Reader writing horror novels and other "normal books" and Alastor is absolutely thrilled by this, loves reading your works regardless of how skilled you are in terms of like the more technical things like prose or symbolism or whatever, and THEN he finds out you also write smut and he's just :) immediately wanting to put a stop to that. Oh honey you mean you... waste your time putting your name on such... filthy content to be read by complete strangers? Especially men? Oh no no no, he can't have that at all. Doesn't want you writing it, doesn't want you READING IT, unless it's "tasteful" enough, which, by his standards probably means the most vanilla, barely described missionary sex between two married individuals--

Maybe your skills and descriptors and visualization can directly translate into certain illusionary powers, either creating visions or temporary manifestations of things. You could sit and talk with Lucifer about all the different sights you've seen on Earth, going to parks with your dad as a kid, feeding the geese and their fluffy yellow goslings, allow him to feel the warmth of the sun on his skin, feel a lovely lakeside breeze...

You could tell all your Hotel buddies or new Hell pals about where you grew up, or places you've been, things you've seen, stuff you've done, and SHOW it to them. It'll make those who have died miss being alive and seek out your company for the nostalgia, and those who have never seen Earth all the more eager to talk to you and learn even more...

[e-claire]

Misophonia sucks so fucking hard and no one anywhere ever wants to talk about it. Literally the only people I've ever had listen to me about my Misophonia are other people with Misophonia. So fuck it, Misophonia Awareness Post or something, I want to vent.

Allow me to describe what it is first for all the lucky people who aren't fucked over. Misophonia is likely an Audio-Processing Disorder (Potentially some form of Synesthesia) in which certain sounds trigger a fight or flight reaction. Trigger sounds can vary and sometimes after long term exposure it can create a reaction to the visuals associated with those sounds. It is possibly genetic, there is no known cause, there is no known treatment, there is only suffering and ways of generally kind of reducing that suffering. When I hear people chewing I am filled with a rage that can only be described as "Bordering on a primal desire to Kill." and there's nothing I can do about that. A family member or friend takes a bite of something crunchy and I have to sit there and exist with thoughts of pounding their fucking skull into paste with my bare god damn hands and then afterwards I have to go back to "being normal". I have to just pretend that didn't happen, I can't do anything with those emotions, I can't put them anywhere, I can't talk about them with anyone or gain any understanding or sympathy from others for having them.

When I see someone chewing food anymore it's borderline impossible for me to remain in the room with them for any more than a few seconds because the mere sight of them chewing makes me physically ill and inspires in me a sense of deep disgust and panic that I could never ever hope to describe.

I tell people about what it's like and I get one of four reactions :

"Oh I think I have that too" With a weird amount of curious excitement at the concept of having a fun new quirky thing to mention in conversations. This means that they don't have it, and they'll then proceed to list off a couple different things that literally no human being likes to hear and how much that thing "annoys them". This makes me want to kill myself.

"Wow, Yikes." Through a grimace. This means I was too open about how it makes me feel and they now think i'm a either a freak, liability, time bomb, or over-dramatic, and will do everything they can to avoid the subject in the future so that I can't make them uncomfortable. This makes me want to kill them AND myself.

Immediately eats something really loudly to set me off as a "joke". This means that they're an obnoxious piece of shit that I have to try my absolute hardest not to beat to death with my bare hands. This makes me want to kill them, if that wasn't already obvious.

"Oh. So that's what this is called." This means they have it, and we can both engage in a brief period of mutual trauma sharing that helps us know we're not alone, and that our curse is unfortunately shared with others. This makes us both somewhat melancholy, and kinda ruins the vibes until something fun happens.

And then we get into the "How do you make the pain stop", and good news! You can't. There is no way to make it stop. But you can make it hurt less with ✨Spending Unbearable Amounts of Cash✨

You can buy a billion different types of earplugs that will all do great at muting the world but always leave you incredibly unaware of the world around you and leave you fucked in-terms of listening to media.

You can buy normal headphones that will kind of work but never mute the world around you anywhere near enough and vaguely frustrate you constantly, but hey at least you're a bit more accessible! Try combining these with a combination of rain and static noise playing at all times in the background for an extra layer of silence :)

You can buy ANC headphones that cost infinitely too much money and are almost always built to break so that they can farm cash from you in repairs, but the ANC is so useful despite not working perfectly that you can't really exist without it so you're gonna spend 200+ dollars every couple years because you don't have a choice, and spend every single day 24/7 wearing hot heavy over-ear headphones! Use the Rain and Static Noise combo with this as well for the best ANC effect.

And inevitably, all of these options will give you hearing problems, potentially make you aware of new trigger sounds, and always leave you a step behind everyone else when a conversation happens. Pro-Tip : For when the sounds are really intrusive and you're on the verge of a breakdown, Combine ANC with Ear Plugs and the R&SN background audio to basically kill noise in it's entirety for a little while :)

AND NOW WE GET TO THE PART WHERE I SAY WHAT THE FUCK CAN YOU NORMIES DO TO MAKE OUR SUFFERING LESS FUCKING CONSTANT.

Listen to us. Don't ostracize us for experiencing emotions we can't control and don't mean or want to act on. If you can, try your best to do the trigger noises quietly, and try your best not to do the trigger visuals in-front of us. We know it's not something you can control entirely, but if you can make the effort to make our lives suck less, we'll really fucking appreciate it.

And if you try to get back at us during a fight by eating something really crunchy to abuse our disorder for your benefit, I swear to god I will hunt you down personally and subject you to the most violent and painful torture I can manage before killing you and hiding your body somewhere no one will ever find it so that your loved ones never have the closure of knowing if you died or if you're still somewhere out there. Thanks for reading even though I know you didn't because the length of this post is frankly unhinged and i'll probably only get like 2 likes at best.

[dyemelikeasunset]

Feeling a whole lot of emotions right now, but the good kind. I found Dom and Mor through a Tumblr poll about webcomics, and decided to read through it — as a gnc lesbian I loved seeing the characters and their relationship and your really cool artstyle. But when I got to one of your notes at the end of an instalment, where you wished everyone Eid Mubarak and said something like ‘we made it’, my heart felt like it stopped. Maybe it’s just because I’m not old enough to have moved out of my parent’s house and so never really had the chance to express myself without worrying about what my small town community will tell them, but… oh man, as you probably know, being Muslim and queer can be so isolating sometimes, since some people in both communities will think that those two parts of your identity contract themselves when they… don’t, of course. It makes me so indescribably happy to know that there is someone like me out there — who is celebrating Eid, has a wife, and creates beautiful art that showcases queer characters. I knew that logically there must be other queer Muslims out there, but I’d only ever heard of them in the context of them being imprisoned or shunned. It means so, so much to me that you chose to be open with all of this online, because it really makes me feel, in a way that not many other things can, that people like me do get to be happy, do get to be themselves… and it makes me believe that maybe one day I will have that too. Thank you, I guess, is what I’m trying to say, for showing me that I’m not alone. It really means a lot. Being open online can incite harassment, I def know, but thank you for choosing to do so. Of course you don’t do it for thanks, but it has really meant a lot to me, just to see someone else like me out there :). I hope that you’re having a blessed Ramadan and that you have a lovely Eid!

The reason I chose to be open about it online is pointedly because I have been in such a similar spot as you. When I was young, the isolation and existential loneliness was almost unbearable. Then as a young adult, most of the other queer Muslims I met were so entrenched in their own traumas that our bonds were mainly over our shared pain. As I've grown, I realized that yes, there comes a time to talk about being queer and muslim and how those things deserve a place in the world together, but more than that I want to be open, loud, and casual about who I am. So many other identities are allowed that normalcy-- I want to be that, and I can't bear to be quiet about it anymore

I'm happy my work and elements of my life were able to reach you. You're not alone-- and a casual, integrated, peaceful life as a queer muslim is absolutely possible. I hope you're able to find your version of that someday in the future

I hope the rest of Ramadan also treats you well!

[fairycosmos]

i’m going to kill myself tonight but i wanted to say i’ve always loved your blog and your my favourite tumblr person :)

hey, not sure if anything i can say can change your mind but please please consider calling a hotline or reaching out to a friend/family member if that's an option. i won't pretend i know the type of pain you're in, or much about the situation you're in, and i hope this doesn't come across as me saying it's easy to keep going because it's absolutely not. whether you're feeling numb, whether your thoughts are totally chaotic. it's a type of hell either way. i know things are unbearably painful so much of the time. you deserve so much better and i just don't think doing this is going to give you that. i'm not trained in all the right and wrong things to say to someone who's going through this and i know that when i'm in this place myself, there's very little anyone can do or say to get me out of it. but i do come out of it. even if i'm not happy, the pressing urge to harm myself is so strong that by its own nature it's unsustainable. it's the hardest thing in the world to bear it and i'm so sorry you're going through it. it's so fucking exhausting. and at the same time it always somewhat dies down and there is always another day to try again.

please, please get yourself to a physically safe space. if you need to cry, break down, sleep for 72 hours, take a shower, eat something, put your face in cold water, rip up a million pieces of paper to get the rage out - it's okay. whatever you need is okay. you don't have to think about what you're going to do tomorrow or next week or next month or in the next 5 years. you just have to focus on getting through today, minute by minute. if that feels like too much, second by second. and you can keep breaking it down like that until it stops feeling like some insurmountable mountain. i know words are not enough to change anything about how much despair and hopelessness you're feeling in this moment. i just want you to attempt to treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend going through something like this. even just for the next 30 minutes. i'm going to leave some resources linked below that have helped me when i've been in a similar spot. they're not solutions and they're not cures. they're just going to allow you to see other perspectives beyond your suicidality. you are so, so worth that. please reach out to a loved one, the authorities or a hotline if you can. it is not going to be as scary as your mind is building it up to be. i would seriously hate to think of you doing something to harm yourself. you have a right to feel how you feel, but you don’t have to give these thoughts the power to actually dictate your reality. i'm really, really glad you're alive and i genuinely hope you're able to get to the point where you are too. you're the one who can really bring yourself back from the edge. what happens next is all in your hands, not in the grip of your negative thoughts, urges, or feelings. please, please do what you know is right for your safety and wellbeing. even if it's the hardest choice in the world to make. please, please stick around for today at the very least. just focus on getting through the now, no matter how unbearable. that's more than good enough, and it's all anyone can ask of you. i'm sending you so, so much love.

international suicide hotlines / guidance for creating a safety plan / coping with suicidal thoughts pdf / download a how to cope factsheet / coping with suicidal thoughts right now / 10+ coping skills worksheets for adults / the coping skills toolbox / how do you stop suicidal thoughts?

[chi-icha]

This is a very oddly specific request, but is it possible for you to have a comfort scenario with Wanderer/Scaramouche where an autistic reader has been feeling insecure and hurt regarding their flat affect because a manager at work essentially embarrassed them publicly by treating them like a child and accused them of "having attitude" when they were asking a simple question all because the manager decided a monotonous voice = attitude, and because of that they've started masking more obviously, have stopped speaking as often for the most part and only use very exaggerated and fake tones when they do speak.

I recently this happen to me and the whole argument with my manager has left me so embarrassed and ashamed of my autism, my meltdowns and my flat affect that I'm literally handing my resignation in the next shift I have and I'd love a comfort scenario for it, especially since I tend to see Wanderer as autistic, since his vocal tone in EN feels very similar to my own in some ways- I feel like he'd get it.

I apologise if the prompt is too overly specific or if it's unclear but I felt I'd ask anyway because I feel so hurt ashamed right now and don't even want to speak anymore and I hate feeling like that over something I have no control of.

oh dear, i’m really sorry that happened to u :( i understand how hard it is to communicate when you have difficulty doing it. even if i myself don’t have autism, i understand that people who do have difficulty in daily life. people all around should respect and try to help instead of making a whole deal out of it

and don’t apologise!! nothing is your fault to begin with, and you don’t have to apologise for something you can’t control or are not even conscious about it.

you feel your eyes prick with tears, even if you don’t want to cry. it makes you feel weak, and no one should be weak, or so you thought.

you feel like punching your manager, but that’s not allowed. what else are you supposed to do? just let them treat you like a child and deal with it. fuck, no.

you sit down on a bench in a particularly isolated area in Sumeru, hoping to god no one comes and bothers at this time of day. After fighting with your manager about something that could’ve just been resolved without a problem, you feel exhausted, lonely, even.

“crying alone? I thought I’d never see the day.” a slightly flat voice comes from in front of you, a few metres away. you know that voice, and it gives a slight smile to your face and a warm feeling in your chest.

there he stood, crossing his arms while having a small, amused smile on his face. but it’s not the kind of smile that’s meant to mock you, it’s more like a jab that close friends do; harmless and a little funny despite the situation.

“shut up..” you mumble while gently wiping your eyes, the smile rising on your face despite trying to hide it, not wanting to please that fucker. Wanderer huffs softly, then invites himself to sit beside you and crosses his legs while propping his chin on his palm, elbow neatly placed on his knee just so he could get a good look at you.

sure, seeing you cry was a little rare to see since you always seem so.. monotonous or flat, for lack of better word. he knew little bits of what your relationship with your manager was, and to say he was disgusted was an understatement at best.

“manager?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow and tilting his head slightly to the side.

he knew how to read you like an open book, which is both a blessing and a curse.

“yeah,” your voice was soft, and he immediately caught up on that. usually your voice would be at the same pitch he’s used to. “nothing much though, just..”

you trail off, not knowing how to finish your sentence without thinking of how much of wuss you sound like. you bite your lip, and his form a soft frown.

the silence draws for a little longer, and you feel like you should’ve shut up. your head hangs low, your thumbs fiddling together and mentally beating yourself up for creating such an awkward atmosphere from just trying to speak. fuck, why was speaking so hard—

he hums, just a flat one that seemed to silently say he understood whatever you were trying to silently say.

he inches closer, hand holding the back of your head before pulling your body close to his. he hopes his artificial skin would help you warm up, even if just a little could be nice.

with the help of his comforting touch despite the coldness of his artificial skin, you chuckle softly despite the tears gently streaming down your cheeks. just small ones, but wanderer finds himself wiping them away anyway.

“that’s enough crying,” he cringes at his own voice, failing miserably at trying to form a warm tone and he stays silent, hoping you just understand that he’s genuinely trying to comfort you.

you smile softly, burying your face a little on his neck to not let anyone else see you cry as your arms softly wrap around him, squeezing gently to relieve some of your own tension.

“thank you.”

your voice was but a whisper, but he finds his skin to redden slightly anyway.

please please pleasee correct me if anything is incorrect about autism or any other issues about my writing :(( i have no friends or relatives who have autism, so i really don’t know what it’s like. i made a little research about it but i really don’t know if it’s correct or not 😔

[thedeviltohisangel]

not my best idea but since reading your request for a disagreement i keep thinking of spook being sleep deprived for working so much so she’s snippy and john ends up (gently) manhandling her into taking a nap

*BLURB WEEKEND*

This is giving me post-war domestic feelings.

Cass is helping stand up the newly created CIA and it involves long hours and late nights and the phones don't allow her to call John.

At this time, she'd also be a couple months pregnant with the twins (BUT....when and how should they learn there are two??). This makes him extra attuned to her and her body. Extra insistent she puts her feet up and closes her eyes and eats well balanced meals.

John has resigned himself to eating dinner alone for another night. Cracking a beer while he turns the radio to the Yankees game and reads the reports from the test flights for the day. He hears a car pull into the driveway. Hears it turn off. But doesn't hear the door open or close.

He goes outside and slides in next to her. "Rough day?"

"What gave that away?"

"You eat?"

"If I say no, will I be accused of not caring about myself and our child again?" John scoffed.

"That is not at all what I said, Cass. I just asked if you could show yourself a little grace and take extra care of yourself."

"I'm trying, dammit! I have people expecting me to save the world during the day and then I come home and can't spend any time with you because you just want me to sleep and eat and then I have to wake up and repeat it all again and...and...and." She is out of breath from her rant and the tears and her chest is heaving and John has her against his chest.

"Get it all out, baby." He kisses the top of her head and rubs her back until she wears herself out. "I'm sorry for adding any pressure to you. You and the little bean are the only things in this world that matter to me. I just want you two to be taken care of."

She falls asleep on his chest right there and he lets her rest for a little while before carrying her into the house and tucking her into their bed.

John takes the day off to cook her breakfast and carry it to bed and he asks her to consider staying home with him too. So they can laugh and smile and rub her belly and he can talk to it the way he loves but hasn't been able to.

I really love this era of them. When they are getting back into the swing of normal laugh and establishing their marriage and household. Definitely want to chat about this more!

[villiedoom]

I have been into studying animals for basically my whole life. Not a day goes by where I don't pour through books and documentaries relating to them, and I am especially in love with their anatomy. Becauseof my knowledge,to me, 3D animals always felt weird for some reason, They never seemed animal. I don't know how to explain it but they always feel off. I pour hours and hours into making up species and trying to figure out how to make them seem animal even if they don't exist. Even Disney with their million dollar budgets couldn't get this. I concluded that it's just impossible to make something cgi feel 100% animal. But you??? Just??? Did it??? I literally have chills. They look like actual creatures. I don't know what you did or how you cracked the code but I am just in awe, I feel like I've stumbled upon some kind of hidden treasure trove. Honestly and genuinely with every animal loving bone in my body your stuff is the most impressive I've seen and I applaud you for it.

Wow, I think it's an honor to hear this! :D I don't consider myself that good, heh, but thank you very much! 💙

As an animal art lover, I think I understand what you mean! I think this because people are less aware of all the details of animals, and tend to be less picky and less attentive to their features and expressions. But if you know animals well, you can notice many small details that make them seem weird or unnatural. This is true for me too - any animal I try to draw or model will most likely be really weird and look a bit like a Vaeraf, because I'm too used to them :D

But speaking of my characters and art, this (as well as many other questions and comments) made me think about my perception of animals and my characters, so I decided to share my thoughts. I hope you don't mind! ^^ The fact that my characters are perceived as animals, with all the nuances of such perception and attitude, is a rather complex topic for me to think about.

I don't know if it matters, but I believe so - I don't see my characters as animals - meaning wildlife, because for me Vaerafes are hardly more wild animals than humans, while Tkhorm is a Varlaf, a kind of fantasy spirit, a mystical creature. I understand why other people perceive them as animals and that's ok, technically we are all animals, but often this leads to a certain impersonal perception of them, seeing them as just cool creatures, "things" to pet or be afraid of, or with a focus on biology and anatomy. But I see my characters as persons, as people in fact, with their own personality, sometimes quite complex thinking, personal dilemmas and philosophy, which simply belong to another species, even if their species is non-human, fictional and fantasy. Their movements, their expressions, their appearance, even their anatomy and species - all this is part of them as persons, of who they are.

Real animals, especially complex and intelligent ones, also have all this in their own way, they aren't just biological objects.

Also, I don't work with characters because I create species, but I learn about species because my characters happen to belong to that species, so I need to learn at least a little about their nature to understand them as persons. I learn, allowing them to live their lives inside my head and tell me their story, their life. It doesn't matter if it's something realistic, fantasy, or crazy and cartoonish chaos - that sometimes happens too. (and now I suddenly realized that I actually never even really wanted my characters to be some kind of fictional species, but it just turned out to be so, because no real animal suits them, heh!)

And knowing my characters as individuals and persons, I can say that I still have a lot of work to do, really a lot, maybe even more than I have already done :D

The problem with Disney movies, if I take the 3D Lion King as an example, is that they were never animals. They were never even meant to be animals. They are slightly stylized - too little to be anthropomorphic and humanly expressive, but enough to seem "wrong" for realistic animals. And since the behavior and expressions of the real animals don't work for their story and the interactions between the characters, they seem weird and even less expressive than real animals. I believe this is not a problem of artists and budget, but of the concept as a whole, including the story that didn't intend for its characters to actually be realistic animals.

Whereas realistic animals… well, they are difficult to use them for a beautiful movie for a wide audience. Although there are such things as, for example, "Prehistoric Planet". These are dinosaurs, but they are animals too, so I think they can be considered 3D animals being animals, heh! :D Plus, they're just really beautiful and well made. I would recommend watching this to all 3D animal lovers c:

(Sorry for such a long post, but this is a really catchy and interesting topic for me ^^')

[hauntedwitch04]

Fools in love

Remus Lupin x reader

Words: 1,8k words

Warnings: none, just fluff and idiots totally in love with each other

Author’s note: Hi everybody! It fells so good being back, I missed writing and this is the first one-shot I write in a lot of time, so I'm really grateful for every tiny bit of love you gave me. Hope you enjoy the first day of my Halloween Party

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🎃Halloween party 🎃

DAY 1: “Take my sweater, I love you and i don’t want you to transform into a popsicle”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Rain beats hard against the windows of the Gryffindor common room. The fire near me crackles, and the pieces of wood seem to break like bone after a very hard punch, as my heart probably had a few hours ago.

I've spent a lot of time by the fire, but even so, I can't shake the cold that got into my bones, in the rush in the rain I made to get back to the castle, after waiting for more than two hours for a Ravenclaw boy who asked me out, outside the Mielandia.

I still remember the feeling of the cold wind against my cheeks wet with hot tears. My sweater was now dumped on the sofa, soaked with rain, and dripping rhythmically on the floor, mesmerizing me.

The fire dances before my eyes, and I can't help but feel like two people hugged tightly, dancing to music of their own created by their love.

A little bit I feel stupid in feeling so bad, for a guy who basically I don't even like since I've actually been in love with one of my best friends for what seems like ages now, but I think the thing that has hurt me most of all is not being able to be loved even by this mysterious guy whose name I honestly can't even remember.

For hours now I've been asking myself if I'm really worth loving? Why should people fall in love with me? Am I worthy of someone's love? If I can't even date a guy I don't like, how could I ever date the one I consider the love of my life? And why the hell does Remus John Lupin have to be so perfect?

I spend what seems like days sitting there staring into the fire. I hear people passing by, coming in and out of the dorms, some stop and look at me with compassion, trying to somehow share my pain, while others whisper hypotheses and theories about why I am in that situation. I, however, remain impassive, like a marble statue, the only emotion I allow to shine through are the tears I cannot stop.

It is still a long time before I can glance at the clock without seeing it fogged up by my crying.

Midnight.

I close my eyes and pray for any otherworldly entity to erase my memory of this rainy early October day, when my thoughts are interrupted by a warm hand resting on my shoulder. I turn slightly and my breath catches in my throat for a moment, for fear that the object of my thoughts will see itself reflected in my eyes and be able to read into me, into my soul.

"Lily told me you've been stationary here for more than four hours. I had to practically make a deal with the devil to get Poppy to let me leave early to come to you, luckily yesterday wasn't too bad." He says quietly as he sits down next to me, the famous Remus Lupin, every Hogwarts girl's dream, looking at me softly. Shit, I think to myself, there was a full moon yesterday that's why I didn't see him all day. I hadn't worried about it too much actually before I went to the appointment, too caught up in the anxiety of this meeting, but now I realize what a shitty friend I've been to him. I look at him and see his face battered by sleep and exhaustion, while only a few new scratches or scars adorn his face. My eyes land on his, and selling his worried look I can't help but feel guilty and go back to crying. After a few seconds, I realize that I am not only crying out of guilt, but also out of the realization that he, the boy I love more than my own life, will never see me in the same way that I see him but only as a friend to be taken care of.

His warm hands brush my shoulders and I immediately shiver at that contact. His gaze grows even more concerned and he immediately decides to take off his heavy sweater, one of his favorites that his mother made him last year after his had all grown small when he grew up all of a sudden during the summer. As he takes off the sweater, with his arms still above his head and this one still covered by the garment, his T-shirt, which he wore underneath, rises slightly so that his athletic body covered in scratches can be seen. I feel my cheeks turn red as I look at him, but I am quickly distracted by my friend handing me his sweater.

"Take my sweater, I love you and I don't want you to turn into a popsicle," he says, fixing his hair. His words strike me more pain than a bullet, but I hide my distress behind a bitter smile, and put on his sweater. Immediately I am hit by his scent: chocolate, cinnamon, ink mixed with book pages and cigarettes. I thank him in a thin voice, before returning to silence.

"I guess I understand that the date didn't go very well." He says after a few minutes, trying to figure out if I felt like talking about it, watching me carefully as I played with my sleeves.

"Actually, there wasn't even a date." I reply, chuckling bitterly.

"What do you mean?" He retorts confused, as he moves closer to me, to study me better.

"Well he never showed up. I stood like a moron in front of the place where he told me to meet for a couple of hours, even caught some rain, then when I realized that I was merely making a fool of myself I came running back here, and I haven't moved from here since." I explain quickly, not wanting to cry again.

I see the anger mounting in his eyes as he takes one of my hands between his and brings it to his mouth.

"If anyone has made a fool of himself it's him, honey. He's a fool if he missed an opportunity like this. You deserve so much better, the best person the world has to offer." He says in a whisper as he holds me in his arms, doing nothing but twisting the knife in the wound making me bleed more and more.

After a while he breaks away from that grip and takes something out of his pants pocket, which I discover is a piece of chocolate, and hands it to me.

"Eat, you'll feel better." He tells me, but I shake my head.

"I don't feel like eating, Remmy." I try calling him by his nickname, hoping to soften him, knowing that when he puts his mind to something, it's hard to change his mind.

"Honey, I won't take no for an answer. I care about you, like a sister, and I don't want to not only see you suffer for that moron but also starve to death." He continues, pulling my face up, resting one of his fingers under my face.

I don't know why I feel something breaking inside, as if a pitcher full of water has decided to pour in, and I no longer have control over my words.

"That's exactly my problem Remmy. I'm not crying, sitting here for over four hours for a guy whose name I can't even remember, I'm feeling like I'm dying inside because what happened made me realize that the only guy I've ever really loved in my life will never look at me, if he's not even interested in me even a person who's not even worth a hole in his sock. I've been sitting here for hours crying because I'm afraid that I'm not worthy of being loved, because I'm afraid that I'll have to live with these damn feelings, because I'm afraid that I'll see this boy grow up and fall in love with someone else while I'll still be here, and he'll continue to see me as just a sister, and he just happens to have reminded me of that fact himself just a little while ago." At my last words I see his eyes light up, having realized who I was talking about, after being dark and dull throughout my entire speech. "And now if you don't mind, after screwing up our friendship, I'm going to bed." And I try to get up, but I don't make it in time because a hand encircles my wrist and Remus draws me toward him forcefully, in contrast to his delicate lips brushing against mine. It takes me a few seconds to return the kiss, unsure of what this moment might change between us, before I let myself go completely to him. I bring my hands behind his head, and run my fingers through his hair, while his hands go around my hips to take me on his lap, as we continue to kiss, as if we were suffocating and that was our oxygen.

"I love you, I love you, I've loved you for what seems like forever, and I'm just a coward for not telling you sooner." He says pulling away slightly, so he can breathe before giving me another full kiss. Then he starts giggling, and I look at him shocked, before I start laughing too. We laugh until our stomachs hurt and tears furrow our faces. Remus stands up, picks me up and lays me down on the couch in front of the fire, then lies down next to me.

"We are two idiots." I say, chuckling some more. "We are so stupidly in love that we didn't realize each other's feelings."

"We're all idiots in love, honey." Remus replies, kissing my forehead. "Sirius will never get tired of holding it against me that he was right." He says giggling and hiding his face in the crook of my neck.

"Not even Lily." I chuckle in response as well, before I feel that being held tightly in her arms, sleep is slowly taking over my senses.

"By the way, you look very good in my sweater, honey." Those are the last words I hear before I fall completely asleep.

At that moment, however, neither of us knows yet that our friends will never let us forget the fact that they found us the next morning cuddled on the couch in the Common Room, in front of the fire, and I was wearing the sweater of what would become my husband and the father of my children, to whom Sirius would tell this story and how their parents fell in love and how he and Aunt Lily were right.