#but i've finally finished chapter 3 of i might be great tomorrow

[pynkhues]

About an hour away from updating a fic for the first time in two years and I love that it's the one nobody is asking for <3

[igot-sarang-ggg]

Jolyne's Teacher pt.3 (Teacher reader x Jotaro)

Chapter 3- Coffee

Chapter 2- Panic |Masterlist| Chapter 4- Monday

Small Summary: It's a new school year, you're a third grade teacher at an elementary school in Florida with Jolyne Cujoh being in your class.

It was now Friday, "Alright class see you all on Tuesday. You'll have a sub in on Monday since I have an appointment I can't miss." I really wish I didn't have that appointment, "So, please behave while I'm gone."

"Yes Ms. L/N!" They all shouted, "All right, the bell is about to ring. Grab your things. Those taking the bus can leave once the bell rings." I grabbed my things and waited until the final bell. "Ms. L/n my dad wants to thank you for your help on open house." Jolyne spoke, "You're welcome just be careful and don't do that again, okay." She nodded and smiled, finally, the bell rang. "Have a great weekend guys see you all on Tuesday!"

Exiting the room with the rest of the students I locked the door and headed out with them. As I walked behind them someone tapped my shoulder, "Y/n, you have any plans for the weekend." Ms. Jones asked, "If you don't then we could go out and have a girl's night out. What do you say?" I smiled awkwardly at her, I've never really liked her and neither have the other teachers. "I already have plans for the weekend, sorry."

"With who? Last I checked, you were divorced and weren't seeing anyone." This bitch. "It doesn't concern you who I go out with. Plus, I have an appointment I need to prepare for... So, Enjoy your weekend alone." I gave her a fake smile and continued walking to the car pick-up area and into my car.

Once I got in my car, that's when the tears finally rolled out and I began to cry. Damn it, why would she... There was a knock on the window I quickly wiped away my tears and rolled them down. "Oh, Mr. Cujoh, what a surprise." I tried my best to smile at him but couldn't, "Sorry, didn't know that you were... I just wanted to say hi and I'll call you later today, okay." I simply nodded and we said goodbyes. Closing the window I took a deep breath, tried clearing my head, and headed home. Once I got home I took a shower and started grading some exams from today's test.

Today was a calm day, other than crying in front of Mr. Cujoh I'd say today was a success! It was now 11 pm getting close to midnight, I guess he might have forgotten to call me. I lay in bed getting ready to sleep when my phone rang, "Hello, Y/n speaking."

"Hey, it's Mr. Cujoh," He finally called, "Sorry for calling so late I was finishing up something for work and lost track of time. Is now a good time to talk or do you wanna talk in the morning?... You sound tired... Were you about to sleep?"

I cleared My throat, "No... Well yes, but we can still talk."

"Okay, I won't take up much of your time. We didn't discuss the location we'll be meeting tomorrow morning." I got out of bed, "Give me a moment. I don't know the address by memory." I looked through some draws and found the address to the bakery cafe. "Okay, so the address is..."

"Thank you... Would you like me to pick you up or will we meet there?" I would like for him to take me but I think it's best if we go separate. "We can meet up. Around Ten or eleven. Is that okay?" I put the paper away and sat on my bed. "Around Ten would be fine. I'll get going then, get some rest. See you tomorrow." His voice sounded soft but deep a the same time. "You too, Mr. Cujoh have a great night." I hung up the phone placed it down on my nightstand and stared at it for a moment. Now that I think about it, this would be the first time a parent has offered to take me for coffee to pay for what trouble their kid had caused. Mr. Cujoh seems like a great guy for taking the time to apologize to me this way.

The next morning came I was laying in bed thinking about Monday. I looked at the clock on the wall  I had an hour to get dress to meet with Mr. Cujoh, I got out of bed and headed to the shower. Starting the water I got in the bath and soon felt like someone was watching me. "Y/n, my sweet Y/n." I could feel his arms  wrapped around me and could hear his voice close to my ear, "Why have you forgotten about me? I gave you everything didn't I."

"Leave me alone you're not real. You're dead." 

"That's no way to talk to your first love that way." His hands traveled to my neck. "There was no love between us. Just fear." The voice stopped but I could still feel his presence and his arms wrapped around me. I turned off the water and stepped out the shower and presence was now gone. I sighed wrapping myself in a towel and exiting the bathroom. He still haunts me even after death. I continued getting ready for today

I arrived at the Cafe, went inside and looked around for Mr. Cujoh... To be honest I don't remember much of his facial features due to being in a state of panic because Jolyne was alone at school, so his face is kind of a blur to me. "Excuse, Ms. L/n." Someone tapped my shoulder causing me to jump slightly. I turned around to see Mr. Cujoh... well more like his chest, "Hi Mr. Cujoh. Thanks again for inviting me for coffee." I smiled at him, "Your welcome, its the least I could do."

"Hi, how can I help you?" The cashier called us over. "Yes, I'll have the Cheese cream Pastelitos." I looked at Mr. Cujoh he seemed uncertain about what to order. "If you don't like Coffee they also have soft drinks, tea, and some baked goods too."

"I'll have the same thing as her and add three muffins." The cashier placed our orders and then we waited for them to be done. After it was done we sat down at one of the tables in the back. I took a sip from my drink not knowing what to say to him or how to break this thick ice in the air. "How long have to been teaching?" His question caught me off guard for a moment. "Since I was twenty years old. I taught in Japan for awhile and then moved to Florida." He raised an eyebrow, "You taught in Japan?" I nodded, "Yes for about two years before moving."

"I'm from Japan... born and raised there actually." I smiled slightly, "Same here, but I was only there until the age of thirteen and soon moved to Italy with my... family. My Japanese is a bit rusty." I chuckled, Mr. Cujoh tipped down his hat slightly. "So, tell me. Are you a marine vet or..."

"I'm a marine biologist. I guess you saw the pictures around the house." Before becoming a teacher I wanted to be a Vet and work with animals, "Yeah, I saw a lot of dolphin picture. I'm guessing you like dolphins huh?" I took a sip of my drink. "I do, they're one of my favorite marine animals."

We spent the rest of the morning talking about his work and research his been working on and about Jolynes grades in class. "It was nice getting to know you Mr. Cujoh." I started getting out of my seat when suddenly I felt as if someone was pulling me back, I lost my balance. Mr. Cujoh noticed and tried reaching his hand out to grab me. I closed my eyes waiting for the impact of the cold ground but it never came. Instead I felt something soft, warm, and a bit firm hit my body. "You okay?" I opened my eyes and was met face to face with Mr. Cujoh, "Y-yeah thank you," I took a step back trying not to panic at the sudden closed distance between us. "I must of lost my balance when I stood up, sorry." Looking at him he seemed to be lost in thought, he looked at me and smiled slightly. "No problem, just be careful next time."

 I nodded, "I have to get going I told Annie's parents I would pick up Jolyne at around twelve." I looked at my watch seeing it was now 11:53 pm. "Oh my, you should get going. Thank for the coffee Mr. Cujoh." 

 "Your welcome..." He walked me to my car, "My name's Jotaro by the way."  He took out his hand, "Y/n." I placed my hand on top of his; he firmly grasped my hand and shook it. "I have to get going. It was nice meeting with you y/n." He gently let go of my hand, "You too Jotaro." And with that he entered his car and drove off.

Series Masterlist

[dreamerofasgard]

Artifacts of Merlin

Chapter One - Old Journals

Draco Malfoy x Ravenclaw Fem! Reader

Concept: I'm a huge fan of The Mummy movies from 1999 & 2001. I wanted a fun, adventure, action-packed, and slightly comedic mashup filled with magic and love. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Summary: In an alternate universe Voldemort was officially defeated by Harry Potter during his first year at Hogwarts. The world of Witches and wizards has finally known peace. While the golden trio has not so many big grand adventures a Ravenclaw student, Y/n Constantine, with help from her childhood friend Draco Malfoy, stumble on a discovery of a lifetime. She enlists the help of her classmates and friends. Hermione Granger, one of the best witches she knows, and Luna Lovegood one of her roommates and a very insightful person. Where this artifact will take them they don't know. Will friendships evolve into something more? Or will tensions between the group come in the way of the answers? Will Hermione punch Draco in the face again? maybe Will Luna make out-of-pocket comments? probably Will the quest change them or will the quest change the world?

Word Count: 2.5k

Playlist - If you wanna listen to it. 😊

Ch1 Ch2 Ch3

Warning: swearing, blood status, cute nicknames <3

Y/n POV

Summer had come and gone all too soon but just as summer came to an end, a new school year filled with excitement was about to begin you thought as you slowly sat up in your bed. This would be the start of your fifth year at Hogwarts and you were beyond excited to see your friends again. Though you lived not too far from some of them, that didn't mean you didn't miss seeing them every day.

As you got out of bed a familiar owl tapped on your bedroom window. Making your way over to the window you let the eagle owl in as he drops a letter for you. Smiling you pick up the letter and give the eagle owl a snack before it flies off.

The envelope is black with a green wax seal with the Malfoy family crest pressed into the wax, Draco. He was your friend and neighbor since you were small but despite 'the prince' of Slytherin's' tough and arrogant persona he was still that kind-hearted kid you used to play with all those years ago. You opened the letter and began to read it.

The letter reads:

Y/n,

Meet me in my mother's garden as soon as you can, I found something in the library that might be worth looking into regarding your favorite subject. I know that clever mind of yours can't say no to a puzzle like the one I've found. See you soon Pegasus.

~Your favorite troublemaker

Draco

PS. I know you'll meet Granger at Platform 9¾ tomorrow but please don't tell that know it all about this. Don't want her telling Potter and Weasbee.

You sighed as Draco was indeed your favorite troublemaker despite his attitude towards some of your friends, especially Hermione Granger. You thought back to your first adventures with Draco as you got ready for the day. You met each other around the age of five when you moved from London to Wiltshire after your grandmother passed. Your parents’ inherited the family mansion, the house seemed gigantic as a child when you first moved in but once you met Draco the house turned into a stage for great adventures.

You smiled at the memory of meeting Draco the first time, it was one day late spring after you finally finished moving into the mansion. Mr. And Mrs. Malfoy came over and introduced themselves while Draco held onto his mother’s hand tightly till he saw you. Both your parents smiled as you invited Draco to come play while your parents talked about things going on within the Ministry of Magic.

Things were simpler back then as little kids. You'd both spend most of your summers exploring each other's mansions, reading in the libraries what you could, and having your 'Adventures' in the gardens. You smiled at the memories as you started to get ready. You put on a pair of dark grey shorts, a black tank top, and a denim jacket with your black ankle boots. You looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled to yourself as you put on some light makeup and French braided your h/c hair. Taking a deep breath as you stand up from your vanity and grab your messenger bag putting it on your shoulder. Making your way downstairs you grabbed two green apples from the kitchen island and made your way towards Malfoy Manor.

Draco's POV

It was a little over a half hour since Draco sent Y/n that letter. She would come over to see what he had found, she always did when it could be a new adventure for them. But this time something felt different about this one. He was pacing in the kitchen as one of the house elves prepared breakfast for Draco and Narcissa.

"Draco darling, please sit and eat. You're gonna make the floor warp from all your pacing" Narcissa said as she watched her son pace anxiously.

"Sorry, Mum. It's just that Y/n is coming over soon and I have to tell her about a puzzle I found." Draco said quietly as he sat down across from his mother at the kitchen table. His mother smiled at him as one of the house elves put breakfast on the table.

"Y/n is an extraordinary girl," Narcissa said as she started eating breakfast, "And a pretty one too," she said while smiling at her son.

"Yeah she is," Draco said as a blush formed on his cheeks before he realized what he said, "I mean she is pretty but she's just a friend mum," he said trying to change the subject.

"Right, a friend who is a girl who is closer to you than that one girl you briefly dated last year. What was her name again? Patrica? Piper? Prudence?" Narcissa said teasing her son about his developing feelings for Y/n.

"Pansy mum. She started dating Blaise this summer," He said as he groaned thinking about his short relationship with Pansy that turned out to be nothing other than friends. He was happy for his friends' relationship but he wondered if his friendship with Y/n was just a friendship.

"Ah yes, Pansy. She and Blaise will make a cute couple," she says looking at how her son reacted to her teasing, "Now what is this puzzle you want to show Y/n?", she said after taking a sip of her tea and looking at her son who had barely touched his food.

"Well you know how Y/n is practically obsessed with Merlin and Morgan le Fay's history," Draco said as he looked out the kitchen window smiling as he continued, "I may have found something referencing Merlin but it's in a code," he said as he saw Y/n slowly making her way to the manor.

"Another one of your little quests," Narcissa said referring to how the two would make up 'quests' when they were younger as she looked out the window she saw Y/n opening the back gate. "Well, I'll let you two start your new adventure," she said as she got up and took their plates to the sink.

Y/n POV

Walking up to the gate of Malfoy Manor you felt a bit of excitement as you slowly opened the large gate. You saw Draco in the kitchen window talking with his mother as you slowly made your way through the huge backyard. You always liked Draco's mother Narcissa, she always made you feel welcome whenever you and Draco hung out despite Lucius not wanting you around much since you called him out on his pureblood bullshit.

"Ah Ms. Constantine to what do I owe the pleasure of you visiting this morning," Lucius said coldly as he looked at you from his table under a willow tree.

"Good Morning Mr. Malfoy. Draco had something he wanted to show me so I came over as soon as could," you said trying to sound your normal pleasant self which was hard since Lucius Malfoy made your blood boil most times.

"Draco is in the kitchen with his mother, Good day Ms. Constantine," He said as he simply waved you off as he picked up his cup of tea, and the Daily Prophet completely uninterested in you.

"Good day," you said as you continued making your way to the garden which was past the kitchen you started to calm down.

Despite being friends with Draco for so long and knowing the Malfoy's for most of your life you could never get used to Lucius Malfoy's attitude and cold demeanor. Thankfully unlike her husband, Narcissa enjoyed you and was pleasant and kind, unlike her husband. As you walked past one of the kitchen windows you saw Narcissa talking with the house elves. She was much kinder to the house elves and treated them as if they were people rather than servants. As you continued on you saw Draco pacing as he had a few books on the small garden table.

"You know if you keep pacing like that the grass will stop growing Draco," you chuckled as you walked up to the pacing boy scaring him out of his thoughts.

"Bloody Hell Y/n you scared me," Draco said as he looked at you and clenched his chest as some of his hair fell over his eyes.

"Well it's your fault you were too deep in your thoughts that you didn't notice me," you said as you threw him an apple before taking a bite of your own, "Now what do you have for me to solve," smirking as you watched Draco catch the apple and smile at you.

"Good morning to you too," smiling as he took a bite of the apple, "So I was looking through the library since my father bought another old book collection. I looked through them and found that a few books were written entirely in some code."

"Some code or just Old English," you took out a magnifying glass from your bag before setting the bag down beside one of the chairs.

"Very Funny Y/n. But Old English I can translate. This is something beyond my skill level, surprisingly," Draco said a bit annoyed as he watched you examine the text carefully line by line.

"Surprisingly," you chuckle as you continue to examine the text.

As you examined the text it was indeed in some form of code but none that you have seen before. In the past few years while at Hogwarts, you developed a reputation of being one of the best 'code breakers' and helped translate books and texts for some extra credit for Professor Binns. After looking over the first couple of pages you take a notebook out and start writing down a few sentences and phrases. This was definitely one of the harder codes to crack but several words seemed to repeat creating a pattern in the code.

~After a few hours and several breaks later. ~

You close your notebook in excitement as you look up at Draco beaming with joy.

"You found something?" he said as he knew that smile meant you had figured out part of the puzzle.

"Maybe, these other two books are the same code?" looking at the other books around the same size but instead of being tome, they were older looking as if from the early 10th century which was most likely magically preserved.

"Well that's the thing," he said as he reached past you to pick up one of the leather-bound books, "I think these are journals," opening the book you see a neat handwriting that was oddly similar to a few books in the restricted section.

"Draco where did your father get these again?" looking up at the boy who was so close you could feel his breath on you as you looked up to those gray eyes.

"He didn't, unfortunately," Draco said as he looked at those e/c eyes of yours and smiled, "But if you look here," he opened to the last page of the one journal where there was a name on the bottom left corner.

"Merlin.." you said as if you couldn't believe what your own eyes were seeing as this was one of the journals of Merlin himself. "Draco you need to bring these wit-"

"Me to Hogwarts so that you can research it more and figure out what actually happened to Merlin this could be one of the biggest discoveries of all wizard kind," he said smiling as he closed both books, "I'm way ahead of you Pegasus, as always."

"I wouldn't say always, Dragon," dropping the nickname you gave him when you were younger and found out about his namesake. Just as he did when he found out your birthday coincided with the constellation Pegasus. Both of you smiled at each other as you packed up your bag again.

"So will you be on the train with Granger, Pottah, and Weasbee tomorrow?" he asked cautiously and dryly as he watched you pack up your stuff not wanting you to go just yet.

"Do I sense a hint of jealousy from the 'prince' of Slytherin? Because green is your color after all." teasing your best friend as you finish packing up turning to look at him as his arms are now crossed and he's looking at you with a mix of jealousy, anger, and hurt in his eyes. You always hated to see when he got like this but you suppose that's what happens when your father is a prick.

"Draco," you said softly as you walked up to him taking one of his hands, "We can sit together on the train after I say hello to Minoe and Luna. Plus we can look at these journals more. If you can sneak them out of the Manor," you say trying to calm him down.

"Taking them to Hogwarts will be easy, unlike avoiding Weasbee and Granger's arguments all year. I still don't know why you are friends with that bloo-," Draco stopped himself before saying something he knew you'd hate him for, "Bloody idiot." he said as he looked away.

"Well, I mean it comes with being friends with Mione. I can normally tolerate Ron but lately, it's just weird," looking down at the ground you think about how the train ride at the end of the year felt strange.

"I know how much you can't stand the tension between Granger and Weasbee as of late. You told me that much," chuckling as holds your hand gently thinking back to your hour-long rant.

It was true that Hermione and Ron had some weird tension between each other since the Yule Ball. Some kind of jealousy sparked in Ron whenever Hermione was around Viktor Krum. Now every time Hermione gets close to another boy Ron calls her out. It was driving you insane how dense Ron actually was.

"I just wish Minoe could tell that thick-headed boy how she felt about him. It's so obvious that the whole school can see it," you say as you look at how you are holding hands with Draco and blush a bit.

"Weasbee is as dense as they come especially when he tried to hex me with that broken wand," he says as he starts laughing which in turn makes you laugh.

"Stop it that was terrible for Ron," giggling as you playfully hit him on the shoulder.

"The number of slugs that he," Draco couldn't get the words out as he continued laughing.

You both stood there laughing for a bit as you remembered the slug incident. You remembered also how confused Draco was as you yelled at him for calling Hermione a 'mud blood'. From that day on anything he said about blood status was almost always followed by you yelling at him about how outdated those views were. And after almost 4 months of yelling and lecturing him, Draco started to think differently. As both of you eventually regained the ability to speak again you remembered that you still needed to pack.

"Shit, I gotta go pack," letting go of Draco's hand and giving him a small hug. "I'll see you tomorrow Draco."

"See you tomorrow Y/n." He smiled as he hugged you before he watched you walk home.

[shiningdesignersreflections]

Chapter 2: Match Day Already?

Narrated by Nikki.

Teacher: Anna, Wen, Nova, Nikki, and Yvonne, will you spare a few minutes for me?

Narrator: The roll call before the dismissing set off doubt and nervousness among classmates. I lowered my head so no one would notice.

Nikki: Could it be that I was not acting properly during class...

Teacher: Tell you what, I've signed up for the campus five-member soccer match.

Teacher: Don't freak out, as the match won't be too formal. But you should work hard and display the strength of teamwork.

Everyone: Eh? What? But that's... I'd rather you give me another three kilometers...

Narrator: There's an outburst of complaints as my teacher finished the sentence. Even those dismissed classmates looked back.

Choose either "A match on such short notice. That's so mean!" or "Go, Nikki!"

If "mean," ...

You: A match on such short notice. That's no mean.

Nikki: Actually, our teacher might be hoping we can build up our strength. Still, this is too quick. I'm at a loss.

If "support," ...

You: Hahaha, go for it, Nikki!

Nikki: Guess what, I'm always the last one to finish the long-distance race because I'm not that into sports.

--

Teacher: Nikki, you lack stamina, but you are nimble. Say, you will serve as the goalkeeper. Teamwork is everything.

Teacher: So, we'll start training tomorrow!

Narrator: My teacher was not that bothered by those complaints but promised us the participation can offset the final exam.

Narrator: After the first week of training, going upstairs and downstairs seems impossible.

Wen: Owww, ouch! My legs...

Nova: Can't go downstairs without the wall.

Yvonne: I don't want any more froggy jumps or leg stretches. I miss you, three kilometers.

Anna: Nikki, why are you walking alone behind everyone? Do your legs hurt badly? You need any help?

Nikki: Oh, not really. I just... haven't got enough sleep. Thank you, guys.

Yvonne: All those trainings and classes, you gotta take more rest.

Choose either "I went through something similar" or "I feel for you."

If "similar," ...

You: I can relate. The body can really ache all over after intense activities.

Nikki: Haha, then you should know how I felt.

If "sorry," ...

You: Poor thing, hang in there.

Nikki: My teammates would encourage me and show care for me. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have stuck it out.

--

Nova: Woah, Nikki, you secured that one, too. I practiced the fake move of penalty kick for a week.

Nova: Sure enough, we are talking about Nikki's Triple Saves! You will nail the defense.

Nikki: No, no! I was just lucky...

Yvonne: Nikki, you did a great job. Put more faith in yourself. Also, Nova, make sure your fake move goes smoothly...

Anna: Wow, Captain, could it be that you've analyzed the matches for the past decade? You are almost as veteran as the teacher.

Wen: Nikki, Captain, let's go to a movie after the training. Consider it a reward for hard training!

Nova: Hahaha, you can always find a reason to reward yourself.

Narrator: ...

Choose either "You're so happy" or "Nikki's Triple Save?"

If "happy," ...

You: You guys look you're having a lot of fun.

Nikki: Yes, we do, when we are with friends. I even look forward to the daily training.

If "save," ...

You: "Nikki's Triple Save"?

Nikki: That's the nickname for my defense move. Sounds pretty tough, huh?

--

Narrator: There were a lot of things like this going on. Tough as those days were, I felt it full and enjoyable.

Narrator: I had been all by myself before I joined this soccer team.

Narrator: It was the first time I had known how it felt to work so hard with friends.

Narrator: If only time could stop right during the preparation for the match.

Narrator: But reality's a different thing. It still went on with the established course.

Narrator: The match day finally came.

Chapter 1

Chapter 3

[forasecondtherewedwon]

Fic-Writer Interview

Not tagged but picked up from @mercurygray :)

How many works do you have on AO3?

261!

What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,762,015!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Affinity War (3182)

3 Simple Rules for Dating a Centenarian (2688)

The Great Madripoorian Snake Off (2245)

"Stare Enough" (1843)

Alright on Paper (1463)

Picture a t-shirt bearing the exhausted Ben Affleck smoking meme and the words, "I survived the MCU and so can you!" (My top 5 were written for Spider-Man and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.)

Do you respond to comments?

Respond and proceed to treasure forever.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

After poking around in my catalogue of fics, it's either one I wrote for Bodyguard, "Don't Ever Let Me Start," or "The Pretty Ones (Who Try to Kill You)" for The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Most of what I write does have a happy ending. Hmm... Love Me Like You Drew (for Nancy Drew) and "Same Day, Different Jumpsuit" (the one and only Natasha/Mobius fic on AO3) are both near and dear to my heart.

Do you write crossovers?

Nope! I'm a real compartmentalizer.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes! So fun! It typically boils down to "I don't like the ship(s) and/or character(s) in this fic and am here to complain even though you tagged everything properly and I could have just scrolled past!" Fic hate is silly. I chuckle all the way to the "delete" button.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

*shakes smut variety pack* What kind ya lookin' for?

Click here for my E-rated fics on AO3.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep, I've had people post my fics on other platforms without my permission, thinking that as long as they added my username for "credit," it was all good 🙄

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not, by choice.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I'm an editor and an only child, so.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I've written for so many pairings (and a few trios), but Midge/Lenny from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel has an evergreen ability to set my heart aflutter.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Rude. Probably my Scream AU of Nancy Drew. I would love to write it, but I can't currently see going back and reacquainting myself with all the characters I'd planned to include.

What are your writing strengths?

I love writing humour, in dialogue or otherwise. Also descriptions packed with metaphor.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I. Hate. Plot. I'm here—on this planet, on the internet—to create atmosphere, not complex storylines.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Love it! Like @mercurygray, I speak some French and Italian, so those are the ones I tend to add if I'm going beyond English.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Gilmore Girls (specifically A Year in the Life), and I am ready to return to it TOMORROW if Amy Sherman-Palladino provokes me with more bad characterization.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Nothing comes to mind! With both ships and fandoms, I pretty much jump when I wanna jump. I'm also always open to hearing requests.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Oh! Oh! What a question! It's my baby, my Pride and Prejudice AU, For Now, We May Remain Silent. I wrote it with my copy of Austen open on my desk next to my laptop, going line by line. I worked on it while coping with the final illness and death of someone I loved very much, so a lot of love went into it, and I'm glad I have the fic as a reminder of that time.

From "Studio Tour," still my favourite chapter:

Here are her paintbrushes, disorganized and held in the loose grip of big, old coffee cans. The brushes rattle when Peter runs his finger over their handles, the faded red bristles spinning. A thick, flat brush with discoloured yellow bristles might be his favourite. Glancing over his shoulder, he furtively strokes the uneven hairs with his thumb. They all have this well-used quality that makes his chest clench confusingly. Michelle’s been living a whole life with these in her hand, he thinks, and I don’t know anything about it.

Tagging: Any and all fic-writers following me! Say I tagged ya!

[smollobsession]

25.3.

I'm 40. damn bro.

I finished Mark's book about not giving a fuck and it was really good.

there was a part about death that i found most intriguing, saying that if death is inevitable you might as well live until it comes. which is true and something i've been struggling with since my mom died.

Idk now if I said it in the last post but I also finished Dan's book and it was so helpful, I really wish I could force my teens to read it. (lovingly)

i'm now listening to "because internet" which is a fun linguistic study of internet language.

today i finally made crepes on the crepe maker E gave me ages ago. depression had a hold on me so i couldn't try it for ages but finally i'm there! i need to buy milk and mineral water for good pancakes but the experiment was a success!

in pogo news, I did groudon and kyogre raids and ... got nothing special :D but raiding was fun :D annoying tho that it's obvious you just can't have certain pokemon on certain levels. i played with my secondary, much lower account, and it just wouldn't let me catch groudon, even tho i won 3 raids for it. boo.

This weekend was Intense.

On friday i had my korean lesson and then met up with F for Zone of Interest. It was a great movie, I was immersed in it to the point that I kinda forgot it wasn't present. I also couldn't help but draw parallels to gaza but apparently I'm not allowed to talk about that.

Satuday was raid day and then Sunday I went to the protest. This time I got a flag and I made it all the way to the end of the protest! (minus the dancing, i went home for that :D ) it was ok despite my horrific anxiety making my back hurt and some details I didn't like (a guy spilled a bag of flour to prove some point but like... why are you spilling food while pointing out people are staving pls.) it was quite interesting how I spent most of the day today trying to see myself in pics and vids of the protest and only found ONE pic. soothes my anxiety a little, knowing i'm invisible :D

i've been following exercises from here and i've been increasing the number and length, i'm pleased! My flat is currently fairly clean and things are mostly in their place. yay mental health? and on the note of mental health i'm working on my fic again slowly too.

I did end up buying all the currently published Mo Dao Zu Shi comics :D which is 5 :D oh well! I'm also going to get a in person local Korean teacher. It'll cost a bit but it's fine I hope. Meanwhile I tested spotify and i don't like it. the organization is sadly a mess. the main feature i miss is the ability to see all songs by an artist. without that, their whole app is useless to me. I watched cooking crush and it's a really good show, I recommend it to all my friends now :D even tho the asian parent thing... it's not for me. i'm too chill toward my family even for my culture.

I got tickets for a musical in april, which i'll see with a student. (and another student is in the musical!)

had some good talks with my therapist, mainly about whether or not i care about being fat. i combined this with a chapter from mark's book, and it's quite simple i think. do i care? somewhat. certainly some mobility is not as it should be and i def want to fix that part. but a lot of my feelings about my own body are from outside. and he talks about how wanting to be something isn't the same as wanting to do the work for it, and that's basically it. would i like to be skinny? sure. am i willing to do the work for it? ... not? really? at least not now.

anyway exams are approaching, the end of this career is approaching. i'm chewing on that but so far i haven't reached anything specific. i need to write an email to the company i'm gonna ask for help, so this is my reminder to do that tomorrow :D

happy skz day :D my babies are 6! <3

[azurevi]

on land where we can touch the moon (2/?)

PART 1 PART 3

A quick note- this is pretty messy. I'm planning as I write, so there'll be information scattered across the words, and it may be overwhelming...kinda. I have added a little note about what happened in this chapter in the end. This series is also up on ao3.

There is, naturally, a reason Azul was stuck with the name 'The Sea Merchant'.

It wasn't a bad name, and there was no hint of degradation in it. It just wasn't particularly suiting. Azul wasn't a merchant. He wasn't even a shopkeeper. He was just invested in a little magic, and this hobby of his got leaked out somehow. 

His magic was certainly something. It's A Deal allowed him to confiscate another person's valued quality in exchange for their wish. Anything could come to life as long as the deal was equal.

Only the drunk and people in desperate need of help ever went to him for help. After Azul had started mastering his magic, he reckoned that it hadn't been used to its full potential. If the person on the other side of the deal failed to meet the requirement, Azul could take even more from them without suffering any loss. 

And so he sugarcoated and exaggerated his words, put up the most professional smile he could manage. For a few weeks all was well. He'd gained himself a melodious voice, splendid flexibility and a ton of unique magics, but nothing great ever lasted. He was soon exposed as a scammer and his notoriety was whispered among the streets, passed on and on until every family warned their kids not to ever run into him. And Azul, with his fame and prosperity wilting under the gossip and points of fingers, was forced into giving up his success.

He had been in hiding ever since.

He could never understand how something as atrocious could happen to him. If it hadn't been for the sneers and isolation in the entirety of his childhood, he wouldn't have grown up hating everything and everyone around him that called him ugly, unwanted, repulsive. It should've justified his desire for revenge.

Instead, God decided that his suffering was not anywhere close to enough and kicked him down the cliff where he was crying for help.

That being said, Azul was grateful to have Jade and Leech sticking around after everything. The two of them were also unpopular among others, so they eventually got close as a tight-knitted trio.

"No you didn't," Jade said firmly. 

"I did, Jade. I did," Azul sighed, "They were dying, Jade, I couldn't just let them die,"

"Well, you should've."

"Don't be so uptight. Azul was doing the right thing, wasn't he?" Floyd winked. "So. Were they good-looking?"

"What?"

"The human. You must've saved them for a reason,"

Azul hated how Floyd's words implied that he would never do good unless there was something in it for him, but one could never lie in the face of truth. 

"I just didn't want to let them die. It was their birthday,"

"What does that have to do with everything?" Jade asked. "You went above the water. You saved a human. You were almost caught. You could've died up there, you know. How did you even manage to breathe?"

"I just… did." Azul said, twirling his tentacles in nervousness. Jade was entirely disapproving of his actions, while Floyd on the contrary seemed to be mildly intrigued. 

Everything still felt like a fever dream. All the fireworks and cheering and explosion were still vividly scorched into his mind as if they'd been put on repeat. The splendid colors, light giggles and- 

And those beautiful eyes of yours. The way your hair flowed in the night sky with ease, how you laughed like tomorrow was promised and your life had been planned out before you, a clear and untainted path to success. Azul couldn't decide on whether he was jealous or amazed.

"Well, you better hope they didn't really see you, or that they forgot about it. If the humans come down here to hunt us down-" Jade couldn't even bear to finish the imagination. He simply shook his head in dismay.

"I swear I saw someone! I couldn't have just been washed ashore!"

"Apparently, you were," Jack said, stroding with large steps that had you panting to keep up. "Near-death experiences do things to our mind, your majesty,"

"That may be the case for others, but I'm sure I was conscious," you retorted. "I woke up to a pair of pale, azure eyes, then in a blink they were behind the rock. If it hadn't been for you-"

"I apologize for worrying about you, your majesty."

You bit your tongue. Fighting with Jack always ended with him being passive-aggressive and you stepping back reluctantly. Plus he was as stern as a rock. Almost nothing could move his belief.

Shouting and grunting could be heard from inside the medical room where Ace, Deuce and Grim were being tended to.

Jack flung open the door, and the three stumbled to get into the blankets and put on a excruciated expression.

"I see you're all healed up," Jack said. Ace hummed lowly and slapped his forehead with the back of his hand. 

"I'm at death's door, commander. It pains me to say this, but I might need to take more days off,"

Jack was quiet for a while, and you could almost see a drop of sweat sliding down Ace's forehead.

"And you, Deuce?" Jack challenged.

"I'm traumatized," 

"And Grim?"

You arched your brow, at which he shivered in fear. "I- I'm feeling fine already,"

"So it's just Ace and Deuce, right?" Jack said. Ace and Deuce nodded their heads so hard they could fall off.

"Alright. Your health is of utmost importance to us, so I'll contact the Raven Healer…"

"The what?!" Deuce's voice croaked.

"The Raven Healer. Surely you've heard of him. He's best known for being able to treat any diseases, both mentally and physically,"

You were sure there were sweats rolling down Ace's cheeks now. "But- but doesn't he heal by using bizzare mediciness…?"

"Oh yes. His magic is what makes him such an infallible doctor. You two seem to be in a lot of pain. I'm sure he'll free you of your suffering."

You turned sharply towards the door and stifled a laughter. 

"That's… not very necessary…" Deuce's voice faltered word by word. He was fully aware that he'd already lost. "You know what, commander? I think I can dive back into work right this instant!"

Jack smirked smugly. "Splendid. And you, Ace?"

The two of them stared at each other so intensely there seemed to be sparkles between them. Finally, Ace gave in. "I'll start work tomorrow,"

They didn't even wait for Jack to walk completely out of the door to whine. They looked fully healthy, even more energized than you.

"Anyways, did you find your saviour?"

You sighed. Ace and Deuce were still skeptical about your 'story', which you'd corrected to 'experience', but at least they were open-minded. 

"No clues. I've had guards patrolling about every two hours. Nothing has yet to happen,"

They eyed each other uneasily, then back at you with a worried face. Before they could make assumptions, you defended yourself. "No, I'm not sick. My head's not concussed,"

"Well," Grim scurried to your lap. "Perhaps your saviour doesn't wish to be found?"

That'd be unwanted. You would wish for anything but to create troubles for your lifesaver. Nonetheless, you knew you wouldn't be able to sleep without sending your gratitude. 

Alright, there might be a selfish motif. You were admittedly curious about those light, pensive eyes and silvery, gleaming hair under sunlight. All these unknown were like a gravity pool, pulling you deeper and deeper into the mystery.

"Well, you ought not to lose hope," Ace patted your shoulder casually, like you weren't the princette of the kingdom he was serving for. "Maybe you'll actually run into him. Fate has a weird habit for setting unexpected traps."

It wasn't so much love as a tender curiosity, but the line segregating them was so flimsy that one's got to mix them up at some point.

Azul found himself in such a dilemma. He couldn't decide whether it was attraction or nosiness that he was feeling. Either way, it's got him hooked like a drug. Something beautiful had finally entered his life like light piercing through a thick fog of ink, and it was possessive. Azul had a feeling that it wouldn't go away until it had drained him of his mind.

The door to his room was thrown open and Azul had to hide the peeled petals and green stem in a jumble. He had been chanting 'they love me, they love me not' for the past hour. To his luck, Jade and Leech didn't seem to have noticed his haste expression. They were both panting when they swam inside.

"What's wrong?" Azul's first instinct was that something had gone south.

"There-" Floyd wheezed. "There's a sta-"

"There's a fallen statue in the Coral Maze," Jade finished the sentence. "People are fussing over it,"

"Okay," Azul eased back into his bed. He'd already lost interest at 'Coral Maze'. It was at the centre of where the majority of sea creatures inhabited. Nothing could make him go anywhere near civilization and its hubristic aesthetic again.

Or so he thought.

"No- you don't get it. It's a statue of a human that sank along with wreckages of a big ship, and it's made of gold,"

A statue made of gold.

He recalled it now. It was supposed to be your birthday present. The consternation of what followed the present revelation had been so intense that it'd washed the memory of the statue out.

"We just thought that it could be the statue you mentioned in your story, you know? It looked really grand…" Floyd sighed.

Azul wanted to get up and swim over right there, right then, but he knew he couldn't. What would others say to him the moment they saw the shadows of their tentacles crawling on their pure and oh-so royal ground? What accusations would they throw his way? How many children will be led away from him like he was some man-eating, brutal abomination?

Not to mention the unforgiving rage he'd evoked in trying to scam them in the past. Dishonesty was highly criticised in their high-class society. It was as if they were saints that had never done one thing wrong. Bet they'd never even stayed up past midnight.

"You ought to come take a look!" Floyd suggested. A casual, friendly proposal.

"No," Azul snapped. "No, no. I'm not going there,"

"They're planning to use the gold," Jade said. "You know how they are. They see one thing from the ground and start screeching in pain,"

They were going to use your statue. The statue that was perhaps the only thing that was related to you, the one way to never have to forget about you again in case that you never met again.

And to imagine the effect it'd add to his collections! A big gold statue in the centre of his grotto, accentuated by the sparkling of other jewelries. It'd be complete.

"I'll sit on it," Azul decided. He was not to act rashly, lest he walked one step wrong and brought upon himself misery and misfortune. If he really was to pay a visit, he would act in secret. Perhaps in the veil of the night. 

"Just don't act alone, okay?" Jade said. Azul nodded despite not paying any mind to him.

In the dead of the night Azul decided to sneak out. Alone. It was a mistake, really. Azul couldn't stop thinking about your statue, and by the time he realized how absurd it was, he'd already gone to the Coral Maze.

There was nary a shadow except his own. Still, it was much lighter than where he lived even at night. The distorted image of the moon waved from above as Azul made his way through the many identical corals. Then he finally found your majestic statue standing solemnly in the centre. The only beauty in the water.

It was a sight for sore eyes. White, pure light reflected off the gold and created streams of gleams onto the ground. That someone would ever find it to be disgraceful was incomprehensible to Azul. Something like this deserved to be put on display in the museum for all to see.

There was no radiance on your face and no splendid colors in your eyes. It was merely a fraction of what you were. Nonetheless, it was enough for Azul.

"Who's roaming there?" an alerted voice asked. When Azul turned, he saw a silhouette looming from outside the Coral Maze, holding two anglerfishes in hands and waving them in the water.

Panic was the only thing Azul felt as he hid behind the statue, struggling to keep his tentacles out of sight. The light stayed right in front of him for a while before skimming away.

Azul grabbed the statue and swam, pushing his tentacles through the water as hard as he could. 

"Wait there- oh goodness!" 

There were several voices now, mumbling and inquiring. Then light was casted upon his flitting figure and there were bemused gasps before someone yelled, "Seize him!"

Azul was out of breath. He wished he excelled in fitness but instead he was stuck with incongruous tentacles that would never cooperate at the most needed times.

A hand grasped the end of his tentacle but slipped off. He kept the statue tight in his arms, as if his life depended on it. He could tell that they were near now, and was trying very hard not to imagine the gruesome outcomes.

Someone grabbed his tentacles. He faltered and was pulled back despite protests.

"Keep him in place!" another person yelled as the crowd moved to keep Azul fenced in.

Azul couldn't see anything. Everything was a poor mixture of shadow and distaste and sneers. He was probably going to die right there.

"I can't believe you have the guts to come back, Ashengrotto. After all the things you've done!" someone spoke up.

"Yeah! How shameless of you!”

"And he's stealing our properties now! Imagine how desperate he is,"

"You guys don't even want it!" Azul said.

Some guy lurched forward. Azul cowered backwards.

"It's disgusting, yes, but it's still gold." he said as if it was a completely just thing to do. "It landed on our ground, so it belongs to us. On the contrary, you don't have the rights to lay your filthy hands on it. What more do you want to steal from us?"

"I'm taking this because none of you understand the beauty of it!"

This evoked a negative reaction from the crowd, but words could never be taken back. Azul could feel his heart pounding like a prisoner hellbent on escaping. He had to escape. No more of this degrading gazes. No more of the points of fingers.

"Beauty?" the guy scoffed, and for a moment his face scrunched up and he was ready to spit out rage, but then it softened into a smug smirk. "I guess only ugly understands ugly, huh?"

Azul's head throbbed.

"It doesn't justify your actions, ink-blasting thief. Hand that piece of trash over right- uff!"

He was flung deep into the water until he disappeared into nothing but a black dot. People around Azul immediately made way as they fled in screams and wails. His tentacle was still tingling with the impact, but he couldn't quite feel it. Even if he did, he couldn't care less as he skyrocketed to the surface of the water. He blinked and blinked, but his eyes were still blurred by what would be mixed into the seawater eventually. 

He'd had enough. Heard enough, seen enough. If he'd spent one more second down there he would have suffocated to death.

The familiar freshness of air welcomed him the moment he broke through the water's persistence. The land wasn't far ahead. He swam towards it as if it was his sanctuary. 

There was a man sitting on the rock, face hidden under the hood. Azul considered retreating. He had no idea what would happen to him if he was spotted, but nothing better would happen if he were to go back. So he continued swimming and crawled onto the cool soft sand, only letting his head be seen by the man as he hid behind yet another rock where he placed the much valued statue.

He seemed to be asleep, chest heaving up and down at a steady pace. Just as Azul started sliding out, the man raised his head and looked straight at Azul.

They were a pair of humming, white circles, seemingly void of any sentiments. The man had a mask on that shielded his face except for his tightly shut lips. Two crows were staring right at him with the same uncanny manner.

"You've finally arrived," the man said.

Probably the humans had been searching for him. Azul decided to keep his mouth shut.

"I've been hearing your calls…" he tilted his head. "You can come out. I know what you are,"

Azul still hesitated. But he was much closer to the ocean than to the guy, so he slowly let his tentacles into light.

The man remained calm, not a bit taken back by the revelation.

"Well, I've been hearing your calls…" he resumed.

"I never called out to any humans,"

"Not literally. But you have been calling out a lot," he smiled amiably. "You have to know that it's especially hard for me to hear from creatures undersea, so if your wishes managed to reach me, it means you're pretty desperate,"

"I think you have the wrong person," Azul said and started retreating.

The guy sprang up and his crows curled up together beside him. "Wait- I should introduce myself first. I'm the Raven Healer,"

Azul pondered for a while. "That doesn't explain anything except for the crows,"

"You lots haven't heard of me?" he frowned so deep that his brows and eyes were a cluster. "You guys are really secluded,"

That was when Azul finally realized that he knew about them. About all the lives and creatures that inhabited the deep sea.

"And I mean no harm to your realm. My only target is you," he smiled again, this time at an ominous angle.

"Well, I'm quite famous in this realm. I heal people for a living, whether it be physical or emotional needs. Anything you need, I can grant you,"

That's not very different from Azul's magic. 

"Sometimes, when someone is really desperate for a change, their thoughts can be heard by my crows. And you, Azul Ashengrotto…" his smile dropped a bit and his eyes drooped. "is particularly distressed,"

"Alright. It was nice meeting you," Azul nodded respectfully. The man didn't seem to be harmful. If he fled right now, he could probably throw him off.

The Raven Healer stilled, then burst into piles of blatant laughter. "No, no. I've been looking for you, don't you get it? I'm here to grant your wish!"

I'm here to grant your wish. Like how Azul'd promoted his business as the Sea Merchant.

"I understand that you've been suffering quite a lot, and that you want a change. But nothing ever comes without a cost… I'm sure you can understand,"

The healer stood up, the material of his greatcoat fluttering in the wind. He made his way freely to Azul, who could only freeze up as he inspected the statue with great interest.

"The heir to the throne! I see why you're desperate now. They're a real catch," the healer then looked down at the outstretched tentacles without a word. Azul prayed in his mind that he would turn away from them.

"Well, here are my terms. I will grant you a pair of legs in exchange for your magic,"

Wait, what?

Azul was pretty sure the Raven Healer was just imitating him now. A great figure appearing out of the blue to answer your hopes. The catch was that the figure would always take away your most important thing. It was never a fair deal, Azul was aware.

"I don't think you need my magic," Azul breathed.

"Why, I do!" he exclaimed. "Collecting magic is a splendid hobby of mine! It is because of all these magic that I am such a renowned magician,"

He was obviously lying. His smile couldn't reach his eyes, and the orbs where his eyes were supposed to be were humming like a hazard label.

"I think I'll be just fine," Azul hurriedly brought the statue to his chest and started sliding away.

"...How are you going to survive?"

"What?" Azul swiveled, exhausted.

"Up here. With your…" the healer wiggled his fingers.

"I'll find a way,"

"No you won't," the healer protested. Azul looked up to the sky, took a deep breath and decided to entertain him. 

"Why so?"

"You're gonna cause ruckus. Chaos. People are not especially used to seeing half-man half-octopuses roaming their land," he said honestly. 

Despite knowing all this, Azul still considered his word rude. There was a thin line between blunt and disrespectful, and he'd just crossed it. 

"There won't be anyone dealing with you, will there?"

"...I suppose not-"

"Exactly! I am your only hope!" he exclaimed once again, throwing his hands up in the air like a dramatist. "Unless you want to go back?"

Azul glanced at the serene water. He knew that down there, the mermaids and mermen must be panicking over what'd just happened.

"You can't hold onto that statue forever. If you really wish to stay here-"

"I just came, Mr. Healer. I'm not going to stay,"

"Yet. Come on now," he groaned, as if he was the one exasperated. "I know you want it. You need it. So what are you waiting for? You're never going to see all the beauties in this world in this state!"

He was right. Agonizingly right. He couldn't just walk around as an octopus. It would be like a stain on a quaint painting. Moreover, now that he was here, he couldn't just give up the chance to find you again. It's not like the ocean would welcome him anyways.

As if hearing his thoughts, the Raven Healer reached his hand out, "Deal? Your magic for a pair of legs. It's a fantastic trade if you think about it,"

One second. Two second. Azul didn't wait until the third to act on it. The moment their skin touched, Azul felt a stream of warmth coursing through him, rushing to his throat, where he choked up a luminous blue orb. It was within the healer's fingers within seconds.

"And your legs," he rummaged inside his pocket. There seemed to be numerous tiny objects inside as he dug around. Finally, he pulled up a thumb-size bottle and handed it to Azul.

He downed the slimy liquid inside under the healer's encouraging nods, and almost gagged at the sensation. "Guh! What the hell is-"

His tentacles started glowing a bright yellow, bright enough to attract people in this dead of the night. They started to shrink until they completely disappeared, and a pair of human legs replaced them.

He couldn't believe his eyes as he stretched around and surveyed the changes on his body. It took him quite some time to adjust to it, but he was surprisingly good at it. The fabric of the pants that came with the gift fluttered against his 'flesh' like a mother's caress. He felt normal, for once. Not some ugly monster that preyed on innocent kids. Not a marginalized criminal. Not even a wicked fraud. He was just a human wanting to explore the world.

"Three days," the Raven Healer said.

"What?" Azul was too joyous to pay real mind.

"If you can't find the most beautiful thing after three days, you will dissolve into sea bubbles,"

Azul stilled as he comprehended his words, then he started to chant no in his mind. He'd fallen for his trap.

"You didn't mention it at all!" Azul yelled. "Refund! You're scamming me!"

"The pot's calling the kettle black now. How comical," the healer giggled. Azul's heart dropped to the bottom.

"Consider this your own medicine. It's not like you're completely at loss over here!"

"Wait!" Azul reached out to grasp his fainting figure, which had become an opaque vision. 

"We shall reunite in three days. Until then, enjoy."

All that was left was the crashing of the waves and songs of the crickets. Bathed in the glow of the moon, Azul finally came to the conclusion that he'd fucked up.

Life never stopped to give him a break. There were haste footsteps nearing from behind. Azul instinctively retracted his tentacles, but forgot about their absence and tripped instead.

"Yikes! That was a nasty fall. Are you okay?" 

Looking up, two formally looking men were standing above him, one with crimson hair and another navy. There was a sword attached to each of their sides.

"Yeah. I-I'm fine," Azul cleared his throat and stood up.

"Are you homeless?" The redhead asked and was immediately hit by his companion.

"You can't go around asking people whether they are homeless!" he scolded, then turned to Azul brightly. "You must be in search of shelter! Please follow us!"

"That isn't any better," 

"Shut up," the blue-haired snapped with the same polite smile. "Come on, Mr…?"

"A-Azul. Azul Ashengrotto,"

"Yes, Mr. Ashengrotto. We can't have you catching a cold out here,"

Despite his friendly facade, Azul could see underlying motives lurking beneath. But clueless that he was, he didn't have a choice but to follow suit towards the castle-like building in the far distance.

"Your majesty will be pleased to see you," the redhead murmured, but Azul couldn't quite catch that.

"What was that?" he asked.

"It's nothing," was all that he received. "Just that you'll surely love the place."

Conclusion : Azul had once gone around scamming others with his unique magic but was busted and had been further criticised since. The Raven Healer is obviously Crowley, and his magic will be further explained in next chapter.

[babieyangyang10]

violent ends (chapter 6)

(chapter 6)

series masterlist

genre: hunger games!au

pairings: huang renjun x oc, na jaemin x oc

warnings: kissing, language, violent deaths, fighting, angst, fluff, + nsfw

previous | next

Athena’s POV

Every night since I've arrived to the Capitol, I would go and sit out on the balcony after training. It's calming and sobering to rewind the events of the entire day.

For example, I had just finished telling Taeyong about my plans with Jaemin in private. I made sure that no one else, especially Renjun, knew what was going to happen. Of course, Taeyong wasn't too happy about me being with a boy. Or at least pretending to be with one. However, he said it doesn't matter to him, just as long as I win.

I also thought about how we were gong to be evaluated and given rankings tomorrow.  Rankings, ranked from one to twelve, are assigned by the Gamekeepers to tributes, after they are given fifteen minutes to show off their best skills. These are very important, since these are televised to the public and show people who they should sponsor.

I hear the door slide open from behind me.

"You here to kill me, yet?" I joke, seeing Renjun.

"Maybe." He shrugs, sitting down beside me.

We both stare down at the Capitol below. Watching as a group of citizens are walking, having the time of their lives. For them, the games were the most excited part of their whole year.

I speak up, "They look so happy"

"If I lived like this everyday, I would be happy too," Renjun says, matter of factly, "The food. The apartments. Who wouldn't be happy?"

Frowning, I state, "I wouldn't. Do you wanna know why?"

"No, but your probably going to tell me anyway." Renjun rolls his eyes.

I wonder what he truly thinks about the Capitol and the games.

"Haven't you seen the kids from twelve? They look so small and malnourished. I would feel bad for living like that, when there are others, like them, who can't." I shake my head.

"Where'd you get those ideas from? Jaemin? They look fine to me."

I begin to throw a pebble off the roof. However, a invisible force causes the pebble to bounce back into the balcony.

"Do you know why they have that? It's so the tributes can't jump off." I try to make a point.

He plainly stated, "I don't get why they would do that."

Frustrated, I ask, "Have you ever even thought about all the things you might not ever get to do?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. There's so many things I never got to do. You know, all the things teenagers are supposed to do. Like first kisses and love and all that stuff." I shake my head.

"Probably cause no one has ever wanted to be with you like that." He laughs at me.

Sharply, I just reply with, "Jaemin would."

"Of course," He repeats to himself, "Of course, he would."

Taken aback, I inquire, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He just shakes his head.

"Okay, fine. Then, have you ever kissed someone before, Renjun?" I interrogate.

His nose wrinkles in disgust, "Ew, how did this conversation get so long and gross?"

"Renjun, it's just a simple question." I state, nonchalantly.

"Fine," He answers quickly, "I never got the chance to. So, no."

I let out a laugh of relief, "Well, now I feel better about myself."

Renjun just shrugs, "I just don't get why it's such a big deal."

"How can you know it's not a big deal if you've never tried it?" I suggest.

He stares at me blankly. After pausing to think about my words, a little smile appears on his face.

"Lee Athena, it sounds a little like your trying to get me to kiss you right now."

My eyes widened in denial, "No. I'm really not."

He just chuckles to himself.

Without carefully considering the weight of my next words, I speak, "Although, you did say you didn't think it was a big deal."

"And?" Renjun pressures.

Out of my mouth slips, "So I guess it wouldn't be weird if you did."

He looks at me like I'm dumb, "Are you even listening to what you're saying?"

"I guess not. Never mind, then. I think I'm really tired and delirious. I'm going to bed." I quickly muster out, before practically running back into the apartment.

"Wait."

I run back into the living room and up to my own room. I really think I'm going crazy. It's only after shut the door to my room, that I realize the weight of what I just did. How messed up must I be to basically come on to Huang Renjun?

Huang Renjun!

Someone who's going to be trying to kill me in several days. I just tried to get him to kiss me, even though I'm about to have fake relationship with another boy. Which, Renjun can not know is fake. Otherwise, my whole game will be jeopardized and I could lose all the sponsors.

Knock. Knock.

"Who is it?" I play dumb.

"Lee Athena, open this door." Renjun commands, sternly.

I let him in the room, before beginning to plead with him, "Can you just for-"

Suddenly, he just quickly started leaning in.

Closer and closer.

Then, he just paused from hesitation. It was almost as if he was thinking, am I really about to do this?

However, the next thing I did was the result of no thinking on my part.

I grabbed his face and closed the gap. Oh my god, why are his lips actually so soft? This is so wrong. Maybe we shouldn't be doing this. Our lips just slightly touched for about eight seconds, before I moved away.

"Oh my god, did I really ju-"

Huang Renjun kisses me hard. This time, our lips began moving. He set a pattern and I just followed his lead. This time it felt less foreign,  almost natural.

If I had to describe the feeling, it felt like I got punched in the stomach, just without the hurt. Instead, it just felt really warm. I almost felt like I could melt into a blazing inferno any second.

It was one of the best things I've ever felt in my life.

He pulls back, studying my facial expression.

"See, I was right. Not a big deal." He coldly shrugs before quickly leaving. I don't stop him, either. This is what I deserve. I'm the one who walked myself into this situation. Maybe it's better, if I just block it out of my memories.

However, as I'm waiting with the rest of the tributes to be called in for examinations, it's the only thing I can think about.

"You look like you're about to throw up. Nervous?" asks a concerned Jaemin, sitting next to me.

"Just a bit," I lie, "I really don't want to mess up."

"Hey, it's okay. I know you're going to be great." He comforts, sweetly.

A mechanical voice comes over the speakers, "Lee Athena."

"Please, just don't kill anyone." Jaemin trys to ease my fake nervousness with a joke.

"No promises." I wink before entering the gym.

I look up to see the Gamemakers, where they had watched us during training. Luckily for me, District 2 is one of the earlier groups they see first. That means, they are more awake and still excited.

I walk over to a table, where I see a large assortment of weapons to choose from. I grab multiple throwing knifes and place all of them in my left hand.

I inhale and look at the human-shaped targets in front of me. There were two targets on the head, chest, and stomach. I inhale, before I finally begin my rampage.

One target after the other, hitting with perfect precision. Even after I completely finish the target directly in front of me. I continue randomly throwing knifes, all precisely hitting the fake-humans.

I stop after there are no more knifes left. Peeking up, I see the Gamemakers clapping in awe.

Although, I'm not done yet. No, I need to give them something that they have no choice but to remember.

I return to the table and pick up an axe. I look up and gave a sweet smile to the Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane.

Without looking at the target, I hold the axe behind my head, then throw straight at it.

Once hearing a thud, I smile in delight once I see it has hit the designated spot.

The groin.

With one last innocent smile, I make my exit.

"Oh my gosh, that was absolutely everything!" Doyoung gushed to me, sitting down on the couch.

"What happened?" asked a confused Renjun.

"I hit the target in the dick." I explained.

Doyoung cried out, "Language, Athena!"

"Oh shit, my bad.  I meant the no-no square." I tease. Doyoung is one of those people who are fun to purposely stress out.

"Athena, quit bullying Doyoung." said Taeyong with a hint of playfulness. He came in from the kitchen and turned on the television. Surprisingly, I see Seulgi following him in.

There’s a small part of me that wants to score high for her. Especially, since her outfit is the reason I have gained any support so far. I really don’t want to throw away the opportunity she helped provide me.

On the screen appears the host, Caesar Flickerman. One of the things he was known for was changing his hair color for the games every year. This year, his powdered-blue hair was styled in a low ponytail.

“As you know, the tributes were rated on a scale from one to twelve, after 3 days of careful evaluation. The Gatekeepers would like to acknowledge that it was an exceptional group.

From District One, Jeno with a score of 10. Also, Haechan with a score of 9."

Those were really good scores. Although, nothing unexpected from a Career.

“Then, we have District 2. First, we have Huang Renjun with a 10.”

“Wow!” Doyoung claps loudly. Renjun just cringes at the man.

Caesar’s voice becomes more high pitched, “Then, we have Lee Athena with an 11!”

Well, I guessed they liked my little stunt. Although, I can let this go to my head. Especially, since this means I have to be prepared for a huge target on my head.

“Well done, both of you.” Taeyong praises, content.

We pay attention to the rest of the scores. Jaemin received a ten, which I know he worked hard for. Compared to the Careers, the rest of the tributes were not as high. However, this doesn’t mean they’re not as much as a threat. Many people like to use a strategy of hiding all of their talents until they step into the arena.

We all head back to our rooms. Renjun, of course, avoiding any sort of conversation with me. I lay down on my bed and sigh.

Tomorrow, everything’s going to change.

[jacobseedvaas35]

Befriended

(Chapter 3: The Dinner)

Word Count: 1049

She ran around for hours, getting dinner ready for tonight. Isabella was super excited that she was able to convince Jacob to join her for dinner tonight. He was due to arrive any minute now, so Isabella has to start working a lot faster. She didn't rush in cooking the steaks until Jacob arrived, just in case he liked his steak cooked differently. The mash potato was ready and the vegetables were nicely season and grilled as well. The dessert was already in the fridge, waiting to be served, so all Isabella had left to do, was the entree.

Coming from an Italian family, Bella decided to do bruschetta for entree. Something that was refreshing and delicious, which she was sure Jacob would enjoy.

As she was cutting the tomatoes and getting everything prepared, she was distracted by a knock on the door. "The dinner guest has arrived" she said and wiped her hands clean. She rushed over to the door and opened it to see a half-smiling Jacob standing with a bottle of wine in his hand. "Welcome Jacob. Glad you made it".

"Bought you a bottle of wine. Didn't know what you'd like".

"Thanks Jacob. You shouldn't have. Come on in and make yourself comfortable. I'll be with you in a few minutes" Isabella said and disappeared into the kitchen.

Jacob took this opportunity to look around Isabella's living room and check out some of the photos she had up. A little while later, Bella rejoined him and invited him to the dining table. Entree was served.

"Now I know you are a meat person but I am Italian and I usually make this as an entree for my dinner guests. I'm sure you'll enjoy it" Isabella explained.

"What is it?" Jacob asked as he looked down at his plate and saw nothing but tomatoes on top of a bread.

"It's bruschetta. It might not look appetising but I'm sure you'll love it. It's very refreshing before the main"

Jacob grabbed his fork and knife, cut into the food and put a slice in his mouth. A few chews later, he looked up at Isabella with a pleasant look on his face. "Nice. Very nice".

"Phew. I'm glad you like it" Bella said with a relief and finally dug into her meal. "How did the rest of your day go?".

"Pretty relaxing. Got everything set for the storm tomorrow" Jacob said, proud of himself.

"Storm? Like as in rain and thunderstorm?" Isabella asked.

"Yeah. Scared?"

"I don't like storms"

"Well you ain't gonna like Hope County's storms. They can get very wild" Jacob informed her.

"Oh great. That'll be a lot of fun" Isabella joked. "How do you like your steak?".

"Medium rare"

"I'll be back then" Isabella said and walked back into the kitchen. She looked at her reflection in the window and smiled, "keep it up Bella. You can do this". She shook her head and started cooking the steaks.

Once the food was cooked, Bella started placing all the plates on the table and joined Jacob back in the dining room, with the steaks cooked. "Dinner is served. I hope I've done the meat justice?".

"We will see about that" Jacob smirked and dug into his plate. A few bites later, Jacob looked up at Bella and smiled. "You're a good cook, I'll give you that".

Isabella smiled at Jacob, pleased with herself fo satisfying him. "We should do it more often. I bet I can make you eat other things and not meat only, yet you'll enjoy them too".

"You know what, I'll take you up on that bet. I'll have to cook you something too" Jacob said and sat back in his seat.

"Oh that would be interesting" Bella said.

"How about we do this. On Mondays I'll cook you dinner and on Fridays you cook me dinner?" Jacob suggested. "You said you wanted to get to know me more, so I'm offering that chance to you. How about it?".

Isabella knew, if Sheriff Whitehorse was here or even listening in on their conversation, he would be yelling at her to take the opportunity. At the end of the day, it was her mission to befriend Jacob Seed and this was the perfect way to do so. "You've got yourself a deal".

"So, tell me a bit about you" Jacob said and took a sip of the wine.

Bella sat back in her seat as well and looked at Jacob. "What would you like to know?".

"How old are you? Your interests and hobbies? Stuff like that".

"Well, I'm 24 years old. I like listening to music and playing video games. I consider playing video games as a hobby but also it helps me get away from stress and stuff like that" Isabella explained. "What about you?".

"You're a very interesting girl Isabella" Jacob said and looked down at his empty plate. "I'm 47. Hunting is not only my interest but a hobby as well. I like to provide for myself by doing things the hard way. Sometimes when I'm unsuccessful, I'll just pop into the local butcher and get my meats but that rarely happens".

"Could I join you on one of your hunting trips, one day?" Isabella asked, her mind on the mission.

Jacob looked at her, a little surprised. "You want to go hunting?"

"Yeah but with you only".

"Well then, I'll take you one day" Jacob winked at her.

"Great. I'll get the dessert ready"

"Wow" Jacob said and stood up from his chair.

"What?".

"You went all out for tonight, didn't you?"

"Why not? I have to get on my neighbours good books, don't I?" Isabella said in flirty way. "Sit down. I'll be back shortly".

-

The night finally came to an end. Dessert was eaten and the wine bottle was finished. Jacob decided to head home and get some rest, while Isabella rested on the couch and watched tv. She was very happy with herself tonight. Bella was convinced that she was finally getting closer to accomplishing her mission and gaining a new friend, in the process.

Nonetheless, Bella knew tonight was a success but now she had to continue her job and she couldn't wait to tell Sheriff Whitehorse about her process so far.

[texasthegreatdestroyer]

So, I don't usually do these, because I always felt that shipping oc's with characters from other fan works was socially frowned upon, but since I've been seeing a few of these around, I'll give it a shot. My OC shipped with Auron.

Auron x Texas.

Yes, Auron's current partner in crime, rather he'd liked to admit it or not. Their meeting was rather... comedic. Auron didn't really notice his co worker until he accidentally rested the elbow of his sheifed arm on her head. She was very short, Her height being 4'8. He looked down to find a short, albino girl with wolf ears, and a tail. The whole package. Everything else looked human, she just had a few furry parts to her. Another key thing about her is that she always came off as the, "edgy" type, for her preference in black lipstick, and eyeliner. When he did get to know her, Auron has always found her annoyingly chipper, and overly friendly. The two attended a funeral together once, and she wouldn't stop smiling. Seriously. How does someone smile that much at a funeral??? Auron asked her about it.

Her response: Usually when people die, they don't want people to mourn over them, there for I choose not to mourn.

She wasn't entirely wrong, speaking from his own experiences, however it wasn't exactly the majority opinion, as Auron had to keep the wife of the dead man from trying to punch Tex in the face. Tex was almost always very clingy in the irritating and physical sense. She liked hugging a lot. She would hug Auron everytime she'd see him, and it usually would last 5 minutes before he would have to eventually pull her off. As time went on, and they grew closer, Auron started to notice that something was very wrong with Texas. Her extremely chipper personality was used to hide some dark, twisted thoughts, feelings, and even experiences. He came to this realization when he went to visit her one night, and she didn't answer her door. She lived in a dormitory like area, where there was the bedroom, and then a small room next to it that was a kitchen, and the bathroom being against the the smaller side of the rectangular kitchen. It was a nice little place for someone who likes living alone, but it had its downsides, like paper thin walls. You could hear the inhabitants, and they most likely can hear you as well. After a minute or two of waiting, just as he turned to leave, Auron was startled by the sound of soft, female sobbing, coming from Tex's dorm. He knew for a fact that if Tex was crying, which he had never actually seen her do, something was horribly wrong. He immediately opened the door to find a mess waiting for him. Texas sat their curled up in a ball, hands grabbing at her hair and pulling, make up smeared, wrists bleeding from self inflicted bites. Scattered around her were drawings of morbid, violent, and just horrid depictions, along with words scribbled over them along the lines of, "Worthless", "Dead", "No Future", "I'm nothing." A common sign of depression. If there was one thing Auron always knew about Tex is that she had a talent for art. She did this thing that she called a web comic. Auron, not really being kept up in technology, never really knowing what it was, let alone reading it, thought nothing of it, but he had seen her art, and it was phenomenal. It really opened his eyes to what she truly was when he saw that beauty and talent turned into something so ugly and self degrading. When Tex finally noticed him, her reaction was just to try to hide herself in the comfort of her knees. Auron began snooping around, and grabbing rags, then pried Tex's hands from her head, and wrapped her wrist.

Auron: Moron. What were you thinking???

Texas: ...

Auron pulled her into an embrace, still holding the rags to her wrist.

Auron: Would you like to talk about why you bit yourself up like this? Or the sketches for that matter?

Texas: I-I don't know what to do! My art! My comic! I- the deadline to get chapter 9 out is tomorrow, and I thought I could just push through it in a day with enough effort, but I don't even have content! I don't have a script! I have no story, no art for chapter 9! I'm a fuck up! I'm stupid! I'm nothing! I-... I'm so sorry... you shouldn't have had to see me like this...

Auron: It's fine. You're human after all. I expect you to have emotions, breaking points. As for your problems. Tex, the comic is just a for fun thing, right?

Texas: Yeah...

Auron: Great. Take some time off until you get over your writer's block. The timely fashion of updates doesn't matter, the quality does. If you can't produce anything good, then step back and take a break. It's obvious that it's affecting your mental health. This will make you hate what you do, so step back from it. Take a break.

Texas: You're right, I've just... meh.

Auron: Don't be afraid to show your emotions around me. It shows me that you are human.

That night, Auron didn't leave Tex's side, mainly out of fear for what she might do when she's alone. This opened a pathway for future sleep overs. Auron didn't share his bed with many, but with Tex, it had become routine, and he didn't mind. He actually liked the cuddles. A few months later, he receives a message from Tex. That night, she wasn't with him, she decided to stay at her place to do some cleaning.

Message received at 1:23 am:

Texas: Hey. Are you awake?

Auron: I wasn't until you woke me. -_-

Texas: Oh sorry. I forgot that your ringtone is up all the way usually... I'm sorry. XD

Auron: This better be important if it warrants you texting me at one in the morning...

Texas:...

Auron: It's not that important, is it?

Texas: ... No comment...

Auron: Tex...

Texas: I'll leave you alone then.

Auron: Why do you do this!? Spit it out! I'm already awake!

Texas: Are you sure? It can wait until tomorrow.

Auron: Tex. Spit. It. Out...

Texas: I can't! You're making me nervous!XI

Auron: Why would you be nervous?

Texas: Because it's kinda personal...

Auron: Okay. Pretend I'm not here. Say what you have to say.

Texas: ... that is so unaffective when I'm staring directly at that message...

Auron: Point taken. Just tell me.

Texas: Okaaaaay! ...

The icon at the bottom that says that Tex is typing stays that way for 5 minutes.

Auron: So?

Texas: Okay. Here goes nothing. And when I say that, I mean here goes everything I could possibly hold dear in my life. XD

Auron: Are you going to say what I think you're going to say?

Texas: I would really really really REALLY like to punch you in the face!

Auron: Okay, that's not where I thought you were going with this.

Texas: With my face, gently... I Love you! You are amazing, and wise, and sweet, even when you hide it under your protective layers! I simply love you. End of story. And I was wondering if you would allow me to take you out to dinner! I'm going to go cry now, because I feel like I'm dying XD

Auron: I stand corrected...

Auron: O//_//O...

Auron: No.

Texas: No?

Auron: No.

Texas: Okay then... What? No reason why? Like I'm cool with it, if you don't like me like that, but still. At least give me a reason...

Auron: Okay. I'll tell you exactly why. Yeah. I like you. I think you're cute. However, I don't appreciate you waking me up at 1 in the morning to text me with a confession. You want a relationship? Fine, but take initiative and tell me to my face. Quit being a coward. -_-

Texas: Ouch. My feel goods. Anyways, I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow man. Sorry about this...

Auron: It's fine :) Sleep well, Tex.

Texas: You too bro <3

After Auron and Tex finish messaging each other, Auron goes back to sleep. The next day is pretty amusing. Auron waits for his partner. Half expecting she hopes to forget about the previous night. Auron hears running behind him, and turns to find Tex in a suit and tie running up to hi., screaming, "I love you, you sexy, sexy son of a gun!" She knocks his feet out from under him, and steals a very, very passionate kiss, but soon afterwards, causing Auron and Tex both to fall over to the ground. Because her tiny frame is too much for his bigger, heavier frame. Luckily Texas's arm was under Auron's head when they fell, so no brain damage was caused to the older male. Texas turns to Auron, half expected to be heated, and she wasn't wrong, just heated in a different sense. Auron's face was bright red, slight tears to his eyes, he bursts out laughing, black lipstick smeared on his lips.

Texas: What? You told me to take initiative!

His laughter fades to a light chuckle, and then he stops.

Auron: Wow. That was... cheesy.

Texas: Also clearly failed...

Auron: (Still catching his breath.) No it didn't.

Texas: So it actually worked!?!? YAY!

Auron: Just don't do that again. You took us both out in the process.

Auron pulls Tex into his lap, and the two share a proper kiss.

Auron: See. That in of it's self is enough for me.

Texas: Yeah, but it wouldn't be a confession from me if it wasn't stupidly cheesy and didn't make you smile.

Auron: It's missing something though.

Texas: And that is?

Auron: The amazing pick up line from last night.

Texas: Ah yes, you have good taste, my kind, gentle sir. I would really.

Auron: Yes?

Texas: Really.

Auron: Go on.

Texas: Really.

Auron:...

Texas: Really!

Auron: Hopefully this is the last, "Really."

Texas: Like to punch you in the face. With my face gently, romantically, and in other places besides your face.

Auron: Okay. Okay. Calm down. We haven't even had dinner yet...

Texas: Exactly. Dinner.

Auron is very flustered at his now girlfriend's sense of humor. Safe to say, they had a very romantic evening together. ;3

This is my contribution to OC x Fan work Characters. Hope you enjoyed!

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Evading eternal gloom and chaos in general | November Goals Update

Hey People of Earth!

Today is December 1st. Which means, November (death) is over, and I can officially restart life during Christmas break in 21 days. November as a whole was much better than October (so much, we don't even compare the two) which is strange, as November is the month of death usually because school gets crazy. Regardless, I’m very pleased that I somehow evaded eternal gloom (for the most part) in November.

Some cool things happened this month, including two university open houses in two different locations in Ontario (London + Windsor = two road trips, two weekends in a row), that high school dance life (my first hs dance when ur last year is next year and this is the first social occasion you’ve attended haaaa lol rip) and Literally The Worst Case Of Writer’s Block Ever I Kid You Not. (Which I will definitely go into in this month’s writing update!)

Overall, November was this very chaotic amalgamation of busy, but cumulatively, was pretty darn memorable. Darn.

Onto the goals.

(Also, I don't know if I’ve ever explained this in recent years, but I work with goals in a very strange way. As in, I don't really work with them, as in, I write these posts every month with goals, then never refer to them for the entire month, then come back a month later ?? and ?? for some ?? reason this ?? works ?? it’s also very entertaining to laugh at my failures is that morbid that I enjoy this very much oh no)

(I enjoy writing these posts a lot though, they give me some time to reflect on the last 30 or 31 days I’ve lived and they act as a great routine. :))

Anywhoozies, onto the things I did and mostly did not do:

1. Hit 15k in FOSTERED #6

So. Let’s just talk about this goal very briefly, shall we. As I mentioned above, November and I did not get along in terms of writing, as in, November served me a big ol’ slice of Writer’s Block and left me to choke on it. I wasn't really expecting this block to be so severe, but it was a thing, and it was very real. I mentioned this in DtWT #66, and I know writer’s block is controversial (some people thinks it’s a bullshit excuse, some people don't care, some people strongly believe in it, etc). I stand on the side of ‘in creative fields, every artist is bound to run into some form of a challenge at some point in their career’. As a creative person, I've experienced tons of creative block. In some cases, yes, this block is caused by fear, lack of ideas, sometimes procrastination, but ohhhh myyy, November’s writer’s block was none of these things.

Initially, it was straight up fear, I’ll admit that. I was just starting this book, didn't want to screw up the beginning of the *very last* book, couldn't piece together ideas that I thought were good even though @sarahkelsiwrites​ was very honest about them and had good feedback, etc, etc. I would say the first week and a half of this block were straight-up fear based. And then weeks 2 + 3 came and it sort of wasn't anymore. I wasn't scared to write this book because at this point, I was pretty fed up with my moping and fear, and just wanted to get some words out.

*and then the words stopped coming and they just stopped coming*

(which isn't entirely the truth, but let me elaborate)

In this time period, I was still writing. I was still hitting my 250 goal almost every single day, and there wasn't one day I didn't go about writing, or go about figuring out how to go about writing. To me, writer’s block doesn't mean I’m not writing. It just means there’s this disconnect that prevents me from immersing myself into my work, thus holding me back from creating the best thing I possibly can, OR making me think I’m creating something of unsubstantial standards. Does this make sense.

So yes, I was very out of it, and I really do think this block was triggered by fear, and once I got over that fear, lingered. BUT I’m doing MUCH better now, let’s not jinx this, AKA I hit 15 587 words this month and when I made this goal literally didn't think I would haaaa bless.

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

No. lol. So. I’m going to count this as a half win, because I did complete this goal, but not by much. In October’s post, I mentioned I wanted to go through this outline to see if I could possibly shift some of them into the POV of my boi Matthew. This novel is narrated by Chris, and while I love my girl, something was missing from the story, and so I was like, yanno, screw it, let’s see if I can find some chapters to give to Matt just for the hell of it. Overall, I found about 12 or so chapters I could give to him (excluding new ideas that I haven't gotten, but yes), which is pretty good. Not sure I even want to do this dual POV thing, but I mean, I worked on the outline sort of so. (I really need to get on top of this thing I’ve been outlining it for like a year oops.)

3. Upload cover making video

So abridged version of this disclaimer: basically, my hard drive died on me this month, it had all the footage for all my upcoming YouTube vids, including all the speedpaints and cover making vids, lol sigh back up your stuff kids, didn't listen to myself, rip my data, you will be missed (didn’t lose anything personal and my documents are always protected because they’re the most important) SOOO that happened. HOWEVERRR, this is not an excuse for why I did not finish this goal because I literally had another cover making video exported and ready on my computer BUUUUT I’m vERYyyY extra and wasn't liking how my THUMBNAIL was coming out so yesterday when I was scrambling to actually get this goal done because good job time management, was like yo okay imma redo this tomorrow, and so here’s the thumbnail:

And here’s the ugly shit it was before:

AND ACTUALLY, the only reason I never got this vid up like I dunno THREE WEEKS AGO WHEN IT WAS READY, was because of this THUMBNAILLLL WHICH HAS BEEN LIKE A 2 WEEK PROCESS.

(why do I take these things so seriously)

(this thumbnail took me longer to make than the goddamn book cover)

(I digress so sorry for that rant)

(th u mb n a il)

I did get the video up today, though, and you can watch it right here:

4. Read a book yo.

I actually did this, lol. I finished Kristen Martin’s Shadow Crown this month and started History of Wolves by Emily Fridlund, but I’ve been reading that one at school and like, so far, I’m getting the vibe that I need some hardcore tea and snow and a fire log and some peace and quiet to just appreciate this book because so far I’ve read it in math class and while I do enjoy my math class, i’m getting the feeling this book ain’t no math class aesthetic. (so, the answer is, no I didn't finish this book, but yes, I really really want to because i’m liking it a lot so far and the voice is nice as fuuuuuuuuh and dooooon’t get me started on the writing clapz for dayz)

5. Finish another character portrait

I actually did four portraits this month, two of which are Christmas gifts so I can’t share those at the moment, but here’s one I did of @sarahkelsiwrites​’ character Simon:

(and you can watch the speedpaint HERE)

And then one I did of Quinn, my MC for THIS IS WHERE THE END STARTS:

(which might be my favourite piece of art and you can watch the speedpaint HERE)

6. Find and finalize an ALANNIS epigraph

I dunno why this is still a goal because I’m literally not going to do it if I’m hardly working on the darn outline, but yes, no, fail.

7. Work on FOSTERED #5′s book cover

Epic fail, XD. I don't like the design of the re-designed FOSTERED covers, but for the sake of consistency, I’m going along, and that's serving for some unenthusiastic cover designing but I do need to get this done so I can order copies. (WHICH, by the way, I have a new copy of I’M DISAPPOINTED to order, a copy of my sister’s novel, A HAPPINESS TO WONDER, a copy of my novelette sort of thing THE TREATED and on top of this FOSTERED #5, you can totally call me cheap for realllyyyy not wanting to pay for that shipping twice, lol. Point is, I’ll be doing an unboxing because those are literally my favourite videos ever and I’ve watched every single one on YouTube no lie. ;))

So those were the goals. Finished 4ish/almost5 out of 7 goals this much which is pretty ass, but the ones I didn't finish (with the exception of one AKA THE OUTLINE) weren't super important. Some shtuff I’d like to get done in December:

1. Hit 25k in FOSTERED #6 (aka REWIRED)

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

COME ONNNN

(it’s literally been so long since I actually outlined this book)

3. Upload a video

4. Read a book yo.

I really do doubt I’ll get this one done, but it’d be real nice.

5. Finish another character portrait

7. Work on FOSTERED #5′s book cover

Probably also won’t finish this oneeee haaaheeaahahe

8. Make a character aesthetic

(this is sort of a cop out because I have to make one for Lonan this month since his birthday is on the 9th and for those birthday posts I need one but also I've been telling myself to do this since the start of November and ohhh noo I’m running out of time oops)

So that’s it for now, folks. I hope your November was great. :) Keep an eye out for the monthly writing update! That’s it for now, thanks for reading!

--Rachel

[james-stark-the-writer]

AYATO UPDATE and a slight rant and me feeling pathetic about myself.

I finally fucking finished Chapter 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy fucking shit that feels good to say. Ingram's pov is finally fucking done. I might post it in a couple of days or maybe after my exams are done. I really don't know.

Please ignore this post from here on if you get upset or triggered by pathetic losers who feel defeated and want to fucking die.

In much much worse news, I have a really important exam tomorrow and I have studied jackshit. Literally I couldn't answer a single question you would ask me. And a lot of old feelings are coming up again. Frankly, I haven't felt this way in forever. Last time I felt like this, so fucking pathetic and like a loser, was in ninth grade. I'm a loser and I doubt I'll pass. Hell I barely passed ninth grade. The fact of the matter is that I'm going to have to repeat a year. That's literally inevitable. Honestly, I don't want pity but it's bringing up my suicidal tendencies again. The fact that I'm writing is keeping me going but I really don't know what else I can do. Seriously, at one point yesterday, I considered just ending it all but thought about leaving my wip unfinished and it sparked a terror in me like nothing else. An unfinished story. That and also my mom wouldn't have anyone left to look after her and I just feel like a disappointment and it's just bringing up really dark feelings. She's been in a really shitty marriage for all her life and I'm all she's got because my dad is an asshole. If I'm gone, I don't think she could carry on. I can't do this anymore guys. I'm getting emotional whiplash so much. This entire fucking month my emotions have been out of whack. I can't believe I'm actually about to post this but like I said, I don't want pity. I just need to let it all out. Its not like I can do anything if I fail. I can't be a dropout. I don't have enough skills to survive. I'm just a fucking piece of human garbage, a waste of skin, A pathetic loser. And I don't want to see the disappointment in my mom's face when she figures out that I'm going to fail. I've been keeping up a facade that my exams are going okay but really they're fucking horrible. God, I'm crying now. Just fucking great. And these exams are a really important part of my future. It's not like I'm not trying. But the subject matter literally bores me to death. No matter how much I try, I can't focus or get interested in this. If I don't get good grades, I can't go to the US like I planned, no matter how good my SAT scores are. I can't even study here. I'm literally not going to fit in anywhere. I feel like I can't even process this but I'm strangely calm, like it doesn't matter anymore. Like nothing matters. And I just want to stop feeling. I've never felt more trapped. I'm suffocating and I might die. And I don't think I can stop it if I wanted to. Hell, I'm just considering sending this post to my mom because I can't face her anymore. I'll always be the disappointment. Maybe staying here after 10th grade was a bad idea and I should have just moved to the US. There are a lot of things that could've gone wrong. And did go wrong. And somehow I'm here right now, utterly fucking broken. Fuck. I can't deal with this anymore. I might break even further. I'm going to use what time I have before the exam (like six more hours) to study as much as I can. I can't leave the paper blank. It's already utterly gut-wrenching how awful my last exam was. This one might be even worse. Anyway, I'm done. I hope I make it through tomorrow and hopefully through this month. I don't even know what I can do. Anyway, I'll hopefully see y'all again soon.

Edit: I feel much better now. My exam was absolutely dogshit. Not the worst paper I've ever given but it's close to being up there. Anyway, I'm back to feeling normal, if you were worried. It's just the usual case of depression and stress eating now, yay! But really, I am feeling much better.