#but id like to believe i have better compositions

[mihai-florescu]

when I wake up I'm afraid somebody else might take my place...

[utilitycaster]

Hi I read your tags what character do you think it'd be fun for Travis to play if Chet dies in his sleep?? I kinda want Hardcore Caster Travis because Travis as a player with an abundance of spell slots is a delicious idea but idrk!

also throwing in this which I got in the interim!

[id: anonymous ask reading

I have a question/wondering about if (when if statistics have any thing to say about it) Chet dies what class you think Travis will play? Or your thoughts on type of character you would like to see?

(I myself kinda hope he goes for another high int character - maybe a gunslinger would be interesting to continue to balance out the martial classes with spell casters?

But I do think it would be interesting to add another cleric to the party as well. Maybe cleric of the Moon Domain from Taldorei reborn?)]

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Ok so Travis is, as I've discussed, on the (noncomprehensive) Emily, Aabria, Lou list of "I trust you implicitly with whatever character you make and even if I'm not initially won over I believe in you." With that said: I agree he should stick to high intelligence in terms of party composition. I also, anon #2, have really liked the idea of cleric. I know a two-cleric party is a lot to DM for but also I think Matt enjoys being able to really throw something big at the party, and while there are two full healers, Fearne is often better used in high damage and FCG's subclass does still make it difficult, plus were Chet to die that would be the loss of one of your three tanks. However, I think moon domain is a little too on the nose for this campaign. I actually would love to see a high-intelligence knowledge cleric: this would grant expertise in some of those key intelligence checks, and while it's far off, the level 17 ability is not unlike grim psychometry, which has already been an absolute delight to watch. I happen to think the read thoughts ability is obviously redundant in this part...but it also is, to be fair, fucking funny to have. Erathis or Corellon for the deity perhaps? I also happen to love twilight cleric just conceptually and for being incredibly powerful, AND for fixing the whole "no darkvision in the party" problem.

Other options: Eldritch knight, though that might be a little similar to Fjord in some of the flavors; or a wizard who is not too much of a glass cannon. Travis is on the short list of people for whom bladesinger would not make me roll my eyes because I think he could actually manage it (as Emily did so well in ACOFAF). I also would love to see another ranger on CR; the class has come a long way since Vex dealt with the unfortunate limitations of Beastmaster, I feel like a Horizon Walker would be attuned to the Moon Bullshit in a way that is different than anyone else in the party, and like...dump charisma and be smart to address the INT needs, and have twin scimitars like Drizzt except with less goofy names to address the Travis Needs Melee To Live (and He's Valid) needs. Really what I think is important is smart, not too glass cannon, low charisma for comedic purposes, and also I think playing someone younger and more obviously shippable even by cowardly people would create chaos in the party and the fandom in ways I would find highly amusing.

[the-prince-of-professors]

Am I allowed to ask a longer question? (Take your time to answer. You're probably busy, aren't you?) You recently reblogged that post about Raffles not-being Edwardian. Why do you think that is important?

Of course! And as you see, I did take a good bit of time to answer - thank you for your patience. I have been very busy lately, but actually for mostly Raffles related reasons for once!

I do think that is very important if you want to get to the core of these stories, which is why it irks me whenever people toss the word "Edwardian" in there, and I believe that Hornung was very aware of the importance of it when he wrote them. To get to that core, we need to look at a theme that is very prominent in the Raffles stories: aestheticism.

Aestheticism was a movement that grew throughout the 1800s and reached its peak in Britain in the later part of the 1800s. The general idea was to separate art from morality and ethics; that art should be created for beauty and not for teaching morals - "art for art's sake". The movement took shape in most art forms and a had mainstream success in for example home decorating and furniture, but at the same time did not sit well with traditional Victorians, to whom art was very much entangled with morality. By the 1880s, the "aesthete" had become a character familiar enough to be parodied, such as illustrator George du Maurier did for Punch magazine in a number of illustrations during this time period.

One of the most important aesthetes in the 1880s and '90s was of course Oscar Wilde. With his writings, his speeches, the way he dressed and the way he lived his life in London society — including his "deviant" sexual life — he was pretty much the embodiment of the aesthetic movement (as well as of the decadent movement, which by the 1890s had become nearly synonymous with it). With the scandal of his conviction and imprisonment, the movement became more dangerous to be associated with, and more or less died out at the end of the century.

--Spoilers for the Raffles books in discussion below--

Now, Hornung very clearly paints Raffles as an aesthete. That is not something you might manage to painstakingly dig out through hours of deep analysis of the text - he very plainly lays it out in the first part of the very first story. While Raffles is pacing the floor contemplating how to solve Bunny's situation, Bunny is observing the state of Raffles' rooms and gives the reader a clear idea of his character:

"It was charmingly furnished and arranged, with the right amount of negligence and the right amount of taste. What struck me most, however, was the absence of the usual insignia of a cricketer’s den. Instead of the conventional rack of war-worn bats, a carved oak bookcase, with every shelf in a litter, filled the better part of one wall; and where I looked for cricketing groups, I found reproductions of such works as “Love and Death” and “The Blessed Damozel,” in dusty frames and different parallels. The man might have been a minor poet instead of an athlete of the first water. But there had always been a fine streak of aestheticism in his complex composition." ("The Ides of March", 1898)

Here Hornung uses the word "aestheticism", referring specifically to the art movement. In the next story, he has Raffles associate himself with it again:

"Does the writer only write when the wolf is at the door? Does the painter paint for bread alone? Must you and I be driven to crime like Tom of Bow and Dick of Whitechapel? You pain me, my dear chap; you needn’t laugh, because you do. Art for art’s sake is a vile catchword, but I confess it appeals to me." ("A Costume Piece", 1898)

Raffles is an artist, first and foremost. His cricketing is a cover: the amateur cricket player is the ultimate English gentleman, and so he cannot possibly be anything else! He is not driven to a life of crime because of poverty, or because of some tragic back story. "Cracking cribs" is his form of art, and it is "l'art pour l'art" all the way.

"Why should I work when I could steal? Why settle down to some humdrum uncongenial billet, when excitement, romance, danger and a decent living were all going begging together?" ("The Ides of March", 1898)

In other words: he very well could make a living in some other, conventional way, but that would not be exciting and romantic enough. Furthermore, it would not be in line with his character. In "A Costume Piece" he attempts to steal the purple diamonds not because, as Bunny puts it, there is any "necessity" for it, but because it is so tangled up with what he is that he simply cannot pass up the opportunity: "If I don’t have a try for them—after tonight—I shall never be able to hold up my head again."

Additionally, Hornung makes some rather striking parallels between Raffles' life and the life of Oscar Wilde. It is assumed but not confirmed that Wilde was a friend of Hornung; at least they moved in the same circles. In either case, there is no way to ignore the parallels Hornung drew. There are of course the similarities in appearance and character: clean shaven features, longish hair, charisma, a great talker, appreciation for beautiful things. (Add to this the young, fair-haired and also clean shaven writer companion with a temper and a cricket themed nickname). But then we have the facts (which I have laid out before) of Raffles and Bunny and Wilde all being arrested and facing their downfall in the spring of 1895; of Bunny going to prison and when he comes out, writes a series of articles on prison life, just like Wilde did; of Raffles taking the name of "Mr Maturin" when he comes back to London, while Wilde took the alias of "Melmoth" when he went into exile (author Charles Maturin was Wilde's great uncle, who wrote the gothic novel Melmoth the Wanderer - if any of the other points are negotiable, at least that last one would be purely ignorant to brush off as a coincidence). Hornung knew what he was doing, and he did it subtly but clearly. I for one often wonder if when Conan Doyle said the stories were "dangerous in their suggestion", he wasn't talking less about burgling and more about these themes they were so entwined with; because at the point of the first publication of Raffles, the aesthetic movement was rather dangerous to be associated with. The references to Wilde could on their own perhaps be seen as a mere tribute to a (possible) friend, but in the context of their time and in how Raffles is portrayed as a character, they become more significant.

Wilde is released from prison in 1897 (again, same year Bunny is released from prison and Raffles returns to London), and lives in exile for a few years before dying in Paris in 1900. Raffles and Bunny live in Ham Common before joining the Boer war; Raffles dies on the battlefield in 1900. Around the same time, aestheticism as a movement dies out as well. The fin-de-siècle era is over, and the Victorian era comes to an end with the death of the queen in early 1901.

I do not think it was a coincidence that Hornung had Raffles die along with the essence of the world he was a product of. Therefore, tossing the word "Edwardian" in there as a descriptor of the series seems to me to be careless and completely missing the point. Bunny lives on in the Edwardian era, but aside from a few very brief glimpses of his life there, the life he lead with Raffles was solely in the fin-de-siècle.

The TV series is also often described as Edwardian, but this is also not correct. The 14 episodes makes a point of staying in the Victorian era, whether or not this was considered important in the way I have described above. I don't know if one or another Edwardian trinket has snuck in there, but it is definitely still the 1800s by the final episode: in "An Old Flame" Raffles complains about wanting to "stay in the privacy of the 19th century for as long as possible", to which Bunny retorts "You haven't got long left". Philip Mackie's unpublished script for "Le Premier Pas" for the second series that was never produced actually takes place on Christmas 1899, "the last Christmas of the old century", confirming that the first series definitely was meant to be all Victorian. (The new series probably would have gone into the 1900s, but where it would have ended is anyone's guess, and is rather irrelevant since it was never actually made.) Just to what extent this was considered significant for the overall story and tone of the TV series, I cannot say (though I am actually doing some research on just that currently), but the point is that the TV series also is, in fact, Victorian and not Edwardian. Some other adaptations have of course broken the Victorian rule, but that is a whole other discussion.

In short: if you want to be true to Hornung's Raffles, the late Victorian era is rather a key element.

For anyone who wants to read more about Raffles and aestheticism (and can get access), I can highly recommend an academic article I have read recently by D. Michael Jones, called “E. W. Hornung’s Raffles and the English Aesthetic Movement: The Rhetoric of Romance Masculinity” (2016). I especially thought his take on the dynamic between Raffles and Bunny was really interesting. Also he kinda made me cry cause some of the things he said about Raffles was so spot on. Another relevant one is “Wilde Words: The Aesthetics of Crime and the Play of Genre in E. W. Hornung’s Raffles Stories” by Lee O'Brien (2015).

[clownsalot]

ok so anyway double first impressions and observations!! idk if ill be repeating any points other people have already brought up since im typing this without having looked through the milgram tag. and this probably won't be all that organized despite my attempt of neatening it up but ah well. i tried grouping my observations by point at least, but they're not in an order that follows the sequence of the mv.

also id like to preface this that firstly a) i don't have any personal experience with DID whether it be in myself or with people i know so please be patient with me if i say something wrong and b) for now please assume im going with the 2koto theory? not because i dont believe in the trikoto theory but because i haven't really dug that deep into it and so id be bad at spotting evidence of it myself

also im mostly going off of what i see visually in the mv since i haven't gotten to analyzing the lyrics yet

for now im referring to host mikoto and alter mikoto as bokuto and orekoto respectively.

the rest of the post under the cut!!

1. magazine/print(?) texture

the first thing i took note of was the magazine/print(?)(there's definitely a better term for this because just saying 'paper' doesn't fit. someone please help) texture that shows up when the mv kind of fragments. there's a lot of text that shows up like printed letters on a newspaper/print(?) that floats around.

how i find this interesting is actually in contra:st to the magazine texture on cat and the magazine/scrapbook format of this is how to be in love with you:

whereas kazui and mahiru center more on the clean perfect 'advertising' feel of magazines, mikoto's texturing in double feels more like the kind of crinkled old magazines you rip and mess up for collages in primary school.

it's kind of interesting, actually: with kazui and mahiru, it's their portrayals of the idealized romanticized forms of love and romance they're being sold. so with mikoto, is it the shreds of the idealized 9-5 grind he's been sold? since it seems to be implied in double and also one of the shots in undercover that mikoto is pushing himself too far for the sake of his work, and it's well known that the work grind in japan is crushingly brutal and overtime is not only expected but actively encouraged (i may be reaching with this one though? i dunno man).

2. the eye imagery

the next thing i noticed was that double has a lot of eye imagery. it's really interesting because it's like it's carrying over the feeling of surveillance from MeMe by replacing the camera povs that feel like spying on mikoto with more straightforward eyes on him.

what else is interesting to me though is the way the eyes watching mikoto in double contrast with the eyes watching fuuta in backdraft. as far as i can tell mikoto and fuuta are the only ones in milgram with eye imagery? but there's a difference in that while fuuta's eyes are disturbing partly because of the fact that they're semirealistic, mikoto's in contrast are a lot more abstracted in comparison. i wonder what exactly the eyes in double are supposed ro represent, since fuuta's are meant to represent judgement. given the stylistic differences between them im really curious as to what the similarities and differences would be between how they both view being watched? i can't come up with anything concrete at the moment though.

3. across the train carriage

i think throughout double there's a kind of shot composition/framing that shows up a few times, and it's that orekoto and bokuto seem to be across the train carriage from each other.

in the first image, it looks like bokuto is being reflected in the window behind orekoto, meaning he'd have to be sitting across from him in the train carriage. in the second, an identical pair of hands are overlapping orekoto's image, and since i doubt there'd be a mirror cutting right through the middle of the carriage in front of the doors, it'd have to mean that they're mirroring each other's actions from across the train carriage.

(you'll have to forgive me for it being in still images, i wish i could get it in motion but i am. not a gif maker. it's at roughly 2:16 though for anyone who needs it)

it also shows up in this scene which i like a lot!!! where the camera starts from a mikoto leaning haggardly against the train door looking at something behind the camera, who im assuming to be bokuto, before it pans up towards the ceiling and down again to the mikoto holding onto the bloody bat, who im assuming to be orekoto.

the Across the Train Carriage framing is really really really cool in and of itself and i love it!! but that panning shot has me rolling it's so good and i love it so much. the way it pans back down to orekoto so he's upside down makes it so disorienting and difficult to process especially with the scribbly effects over it. this could be reflective of how bokuto feels about this whole thing himself, but i donthave much of an analysis for this point, i just wanted to point it out because i think the directing of it is really really really damn cool

4. phone call home

yea i don't have an analysis for this part either, i also just find this sequence of events really really cool. just—the calmness of the phone call over the flashes of orekoto violently 'taking care of' the things troubling them!!!! it's the juxtaposition of the mikoto who calmly tells his mom that everything is alright and he's fine vs the mikoto that takes care of things for him that allows that kind of calmness to exist in the first place. it tickles my brain

although there is the thing of: if people are right that the mv visually distinguishes between bokuto and orekoto through the presence of eyebags, it is a little odd that the mikoto on the phone also has eyebags, implying that the him on the phone is also not bokuto. and i don't know what that's supposed to signify, but it's a little interesting to think about.

5. glitching Next Station screens

it's interesting to note that as the mv progresses the screens that show the train route and what the next station is get glitchier and glitchier. do any of the train station names correspond with actual train stations on the japanese train system? do they mean something else? im really curious, but my japanese isn't great and consists of only the 2 duolingo units i did like years ago, so could anyone please give me a hand with translating or point me to someone who has already translated it?

the constant appearances of trains in both MeMe and double is really interesting to me and i wonder what exactly it could be representing or what the significance of it is, especially since mikoto apparently bikes to work and doesn't commute on public transport

anyways, that's about it for all the things i took note of upon watching double the first two times, and i haven't done any especially deep analysis or anything. i haven't touched on all the mannequins either, mostly because im not reslly sure what they're supposed to represent and so don't really have much to say about them.

also hanae natsuki delivers a banger vocal performance once again!! ive never heard him miss in any of the roles ive seen him in, but he once again knocks it out of the park with mikoto. i haven't listened to mikoto's t2 voice drama neoplasma yet, but im sure hanae natsuki did amazing work on that once again, so im really excited to give it a listen!!

as for now though, i think ill have to look at everyone else's analyses of double to understand mikoto better, since even though i love him as a character and i like doing analysis im not as great at theorizing

[youngmudra]

Hi. What placements in synastry/composite chart can indicate that as a couple you like to show off in public, post each other? Thanks.💖

Ok so in synastry id look for Sun/jupiter/venus in the partners 1st/7th/10th/ and mostly 11th house.

I wouldnt look for mars/mercury/moon/saturn in these houses as they can represent infamy. Like your partner talking about you alot or complaining alot about you to others.

Saturn is repression of partnership in those houses. Like this person wants to keep you a secret

If moon is in any of these houses your partner may tell people about you and say they care, but still keep you a secret

If mars/mercury is in these houses your partner may complain about you alot or you guys may fight in public and their friends may form opinions about you regardless of them talking about you.

Sun in these houses makes you stand out and makes others believe youre good for youre partner

Jupiter makes it so you partner may want you around alot, like everytime they go out, youre with them (depending on the whole synastry chart)

And Venus is obviously good in these houses since they see you as their one and only, their lover, their better half, and everyone else see's it too. Also it makes you two a beautiful couple

In Composite, Id say any venusian Sun/Rising/ 7th house/ 10th house/Venus/mars/moon will work

So Taurus or Libra sun/rising/7th house/10th house/venus/mars/moon

Also capricorn in 7th or 8th house can be really helpful.

Scorpio makes for jealousy, gemini makes for polyamory, cancer and aries makes for alot of arguing and misunderstandings, sag makes for non committal energy, virgo is judgemental (but still better in terms of staying together) Pisces is non committal as well ( but in a well developed chart can make the couple very spiritual together ) , And aquarius doesnt look at this relationship as a real relationship. More as a friendship.

Pisces sun/moon in composite can show twin flame unions. But its not always the case, it shows the partner brings out the shadow of the other. But sometimes its just non committal energy

Idk, hope that helps, let me know if you have any other questions, id be happy to explain more about this

[puppyluver256]

[Image Description: Bruno, a member of Kanto's Elite Four, with his Machamp. Bruno is a muscular man with light skin, long teal hair in a ponytail, and teal eyes. He is wearing white slightly-tattered karate pants, a black belt, and large black rings around his wrists and ankles, presumably training weights of sorts. He is sitting on the floor, holding a red and white Pokeball in his hand. Machamp is a muscular humanoid Pokemon with blue-grey skin, three tan ridges on its head, red eyes, yellow beak-like lips, and four arms. It is wearing black fighter's briefs and a brown and gold champion's belt. Two of its arms are crossed in front of it, while the other two are held up and flexing. The background is Bruno's room in the Indigo Plateau. The wall in the back is orange, a large white door with an orange and white Pokeball design on the right. The floor is yellow with a white and green arena pattern. End ID.]

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“I am Bruno of the Elite Four. I always train to the extreme because I believe in our potential. That is how we became strong. Can you withstand our power? Hm? I see no fear in you. You look determined. Perfect for battle! Ready? You will bow down to our overwhelming power! Hoo hah!”

Okay, so I've been a bit under the weather today, but this was mostly finished so that didn't affect things too much hehe. (and before anyone asks, I'm doing better now, thanks for the concern ♥ ) So here's more Kanto stuff with Bruno! I think I've been getting better at drawing muscly peeps over the years, and this guy actually helped me start to improve on that years ago. I do think that Machamp didn't come out as broad-shouldered as it's supposed to be, but that could be due to the image composition hehe.

💖🐶 Check out my pinned post for ways to support my artwork, among other things! 🐶💖

~Likes are appreciated, but reblogs are greatly preferred as they let more people see my content! If you have something to say, feel free to give feedback in tags/comments/replies as well!~

Bruno, Machamp, and other Pokemon concepts © Nintendo/GameFreak Artwork © PuppyLuver Studios

[joesanimationblog]

Forefront Post 3

10KTF: Rise of Wagmi

This film was released by The Line Animation on September 23rd, 2022 and was directed by Sam Taylor.

The aesthetics of this film and the comic-book inspired camera moves drew me into this film when I first saw it on The Line's Instagram page.

Originally I graduated as an illustrator and I am now specializing and moving towards animation and so my early experiences animating were animating transitions between illustrative work, I have since moved towards character animation as my focus.

 This film uses such interesting transitions which feel clean and controlled and don't disorientate the viewer despite being quite intense at times. There is a clear inspiration here that helps to establish visual communication clarity and that is comic books. I can imagine the storyboard for this film feeling a lot like a comic book as the camera seems to pan directionally around the page from panel to panel, there is a lot of really fascinating parallax/ layered movement which makes the effect feel more subtle and smooth. I have spoken in the past on my blog about how comic books influenced me a lot in my visual storytelling as an illustrator and how that has gone on to influence my work as an animation director for my films, but the film we are looking at here takes this inspiration a lot more directly and adapts it to fit the animated film better than I do for a couple of reasons

Colour change to emphasize shot mood/ signal a new shot

Constant movement or frame shimmering or background smoke or clouds make static shots or comic panels feel more dynamic

The camera moves which tracks objects in the frame to move between scenes or objects which block vision through movement to counteract the rapid movement of the camera moves. 

Another thing which I gleaned from this film is that the background art, lighting, and colouring are really on point. There is great consistency in the lighting and the way colours bounce off each other because lighting makes the setting feel believable and distinct. While the colours are not accurate to life they do establish a mood in the shots. 

To help myself research this further I bought the book "The Colour of Pixar" where hundreds of frames from Pixar films with strong colour palettes are shown in a spectrum of colour. I found it interesting to look at a scene and think about the purpose of the scene in the movie, and then to look at the colour and lighting choices and to think about how these choices give the scene clarity and set the mood. 

Image Screenshotted from book (referenced below)

I have been working on colouring my film for the animated project and this film has got me thinking about the composition of my shots, how colour and composition work together to communicate, and how lighting can change the way colour sits in the frame. Light bouncing off objects creates highlights and the colour of these highlights is determined by what the light bounced off, this can make a shot feel a lot less flat and is something I've been experimenting with. 

References

(2022) 10KTF: Rise of Wagmi. The Line. Available at: https://vimeo.com/752997460?embedded=true&source=vimeo_logo&owner=3572388 (Accessed: May 1, 2023).

Kratter, T.W. (2017) The Color of Pixar. San Francisco, California: Chronicle Books. Available at: https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=LBQtDwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false (Accessed: May 1, 2023).

[rainbowgothdisaster]

For the artist asks, 2, 11 & 18 :3

2. 5 favourites of your own work?

in no particular order:

pokesona, the stars are falling (not posted, will be posted with this years redraw), jewel's house, sleeping jewel, jewel's bedroom (also an extra bcuz i really like it but couldn't find the compressed file to put here: be back soon screen)

i have a lot of fun drawing my pokesona, it was drawn completely using vector lines which was unbelievably enlightening

the stars are falling was first drawn back in 2020 and has become a way for me to compare how my art has developed over the years. 2020 only featured Jason (he/him), 2021 only had Zero (ey/em), and 2022 includes the former two plus Cleo (she/her, but shes bigender and also goes by Liam he/him), 2023 will include Jason and Ambe (she/her). its a way for me to basically do a benchmark test on my composition and anatomy and colours and shading. i always have a lot of fun drawing it and sometimes making whole new brushes. important note: this one was actually submitted to an art contest, sadly i lost but it was actually my first time since elementary putting my art out with the intent to be judged.

jewel's house was my first time drawing and designing a house and finding different places to incorporate hearts was literally so much fun.

sleeping jewel is just super cute and jewel's bunny hoodie is my favourite thing ever. i have it on my phone and could stare at it for hours.

jewel's bedroom is ALSO a redraw. i enjoyed trying to fit so many things in it, i enjoyed sketching, i enjoyed lining, i enjoyed colouring. though this is actually my least fav of the 5 bcuz i fully believe the idea that your art is only as good as its weakest point. that's not to say its bad or that everyone will approach it as critically as possible. not even to say that everything needs to be perfect. but when i was rendering it, i didn't want to shade. so i took a funky brush and just rushed thru shading. in fact you can see that when watching the speedpaint, i just kinda scribbled the shading. HOWEVER that doesnt take away from the fact i think the rest of it is really well done. i think i did well on the bed in particular and the fact that i stylized a real bed that we own and my actual childhood bed that i would die to get back (we owned two, mine was lost when mum and dad had to abandon my childhood home bcuz of shitty roommates and a shitty landlord) i enjoyed drawing my actual stuffed animals and my actual lolita dress. it like actually has sentimental value bcuz of all of that i just wish i did it better.

11. favourite comment you've ever received on your work?

uhhhh so like i dont usually recieve comments on my work aside from my family's "wow i could never do that" soooo well go with the comment you left on my bunny hoodie design bcuz as far as i can remember iirc it was the first time id gotten a nice comment about my fashion designs and i was really happy someone liked it bcuz im like super nervous about my silly fashion doodles :)

18. do you have any larger projects you'd like to pursue? like comics, shortfilm, a series, etc?

yes! id like House Of Misfits to be a cartoon, tho the show would probably be lighter than the short stories bcuz i don't imagine i could explore Amber's backstory on screen. im making a proof-of-concept website which is technically online and more than 70% unfinished.

i also have a coming-of-age novel i need to do research for called Saftey Blanket about a hijabi girl named Aminah in her senior year of highschool (if i made it a series wed get to see her twin siblings realize they're trans which would be fun but rn they are but lil babbies), id like to make a children's cartoon and a visual novel but i don't currently have any ideas for either.

btw despite the fact that i am an animator, i don't want to animate a show. i want to run a show. i don't actually enjoy animations longer than maybe 10 seconds.

i have a side project based around the album A Constant State Of Ohio by Lincoln that would be a very personal project around self image while having multiple personality disorders (and other problems), but i cannot for the life of me make an animatic. there's lots of ideas like this jostling in my brain, like a stop-motion animation of Through The Roof n Underground by Gogol Bordello, where i just simply cannot which i am fine with.

then theres the fact i do actually want to sew my fashion designs, at least that bunny hoodie if nothing else, and i cannot get my hands on any fabric despite owning a sewing machine

[lebrickster]

2022 Year-in review but 6 days early

2022… that was certainly a year.

Truthfully, life has been a blur for me for a good while, so specific memories of 2022 are scattered and distant for me. Regardless, I wanted to go ahead and write up this post, about what I recall doing this year, and what I'm "proud" of. I have nothing better to do this day, and wanted to do something, so why not this?

The start of 2022 is not one I remember too well, but I do recall around early in the year, we finally started working on getting me my State ID, and Debit Card. Without these, I was more or less stuck at home, not able to get a job, or do online purchases without Gift Cards. Now that I had these, I was able to go job hunting, and in early August of the year, I landed a job, which I still maintain, now. The job has been filled with a lot of ups and downs, but overall, I'm grateful to have what I do as my first job, and not another job which would probably be rougher, and pay less. The freedom to finally buy things for myself, and to be able to help the family out with rent, has been nice, as I feel less like a useless nobody who does nothing but waste space, and bother people.

On the note of rent, after a long time of talking and planning, my brother's friend has finally moved into our house, taking the room my sister once had as her own. This friend didn't have the best of lives growing up, and long since wanted to get away from his miserable living conditions. Truthfully, I'm not sure if we're better or worse than his previous living arrangements, since he minds his own business, and doesn't talk to us much, aside from my brother, or asking one of us questions, but still, I hope he's at least a bit happier here, than where he was at, before. Hopefully he'll soon have a job and be able to help with paying the rent, too, but, only time shall tell when exactly what happens, I suppose.

One of the sad things that I learned of this year, is my father finally going to the doctors, only to find out he has some kind of gunk in his lungs. We believe it's to be asbestos, from his time at the Navy, which was recently further evidenced by this briefcase he's kept, where letters from his time during the Navy, warned of asbestos being in stuff like the water. Appointments will be coming soon to properly confirm what is going on. It's rather unfortunate, since I had been well aware of my father not doing as well, coughing a lot more, and having to leave work only. But one bright side to this is if it's found that being in the Navy is responsible for his current well-being, he can get disability funds, and retire from work, meaning he can rest easy during his final days, get medication to make himself to a better spot, and possibly even give us more money than we're currently making. I'm hoping that is able to go through in the end, but if it's not able to, I'll still be there for my Dad, and support him, regardless.

To go back to myself, well… I have a Yamaha PSR-E403, now, I guess? This musical keyboard is the same model that Club Penguin composer, Chris Hendricks, used in his earlier original compositions. It has a sound set that I am fond of, and wanted to own for myself. Above all else, I'm hoping I can use this keyboard to finally learn music, which is something I feel somewhat obligated to learn. Due to my status as project leader for the Church of Kondo, many assumed I was already a musician, when I wasn't. I'm hoping with this keyboard, I'll finally be able to learn music, and live up to some of what folk seem to expect out of me. Not that my friends have any issue with me not being a musician, but still…

Though on the note of that, to talk about something, I'd say my general confidence, and self view of myself has elevated, for the most part. There are still some doubts on my end, but overall, I feel less bad for being who I am. There's nothing wrong with having what may seem like unimpressive interests, or stuff like that, and to put myself down for not living up to high standards that none of my friends expect me to live up to, is just stupid. My friends have assured me time and time again that they're fine with me for who I am, and that I'm not a burden. It's helped me a lot, especially for feeling more comfortable with an interest of mine that I was afraid of for a long while, but have grown to accept it, since I have friends who are fine with it, and don't see me as weird for it.

What else is there… Well, I finally got a Fat PS2. Modded with a SATA adapter, and Noctua fan mod. Though in the process, the Disc drive seems to no longer work… I reckon a ribbon got disconnected, or torn, but I've been too afraid to open up the console again to check, since I did both mods kinda blind, which resulted in a lot of frustration, and confusion. I really should have just waited on my brother…

Though on a less frustrating note is my Windows 98 machine and N64! For the Windows 98 machine, I've been able to get a Sound Blaster AWE32 (CT3980) to replace the old Sound Blaster 16, and a Voodoo 3 2000 PCI to replace the old Voodoo 2/ATI Mach 64 combo I was using, which has boosted the sound capabilities of the machine, and got rid of the crashing issues I was having with the Voodoo 2 I had. I also upgraded the hard drive to use an SD2IDE adapter, and the floppy drive to use a GOTEK USB Floppy Emulator. For the N64, I got it out of storage, and got a good condition old controller for it (Blue), an Everdrive 64 X7, expansion pack, FRAM Modded Memory Card, and No Batter Modded Rumble Pack. I haven't had too much motivation or time to play it for the time being, but I've overall enjoyed my time with it, so far. (That analog stick is weird as hell, though. Hadn't used one in years, so it's still taking some getting used to, to use the N64 stick)

I can't think of much else to type, in terms of significant events from this year. There is one more big upgrade I hope to do before year end, but I'll post about that later. For now, I guess I'll move onto what I hope to achieve in the coming year.

For the new year, I'm hoping to generally just be a less annoying person to talk with? Not in the conventional sense, since most folk generally enjoy talking with me, but more so in the sense of… I need to chill out, and stop worrying so much. After I send messages, whether it be the same day, or a few days later, I get worried often that what I said was weird, offensive, or other things like that, when it most often isn't. For this coming year, I'm going to try hard to avoid these kinds of worry messages that just clog up DMs, and perhaps come off as annoying. I can trust my friends, so there's no real need for me to continue sending such messages, when I already have been told/know they have no issue with anything I say, or talk about.

On a similar note, I'm also going to just further embrace myself for who I am, and question myself, less. Some specific friends this year have helped me come to terms with who I am with something specific, and it's made me feel a lot more comfortable in myself, making me realize there's nothing wrong with what it is I like. Plus, having friends who have the same interest also helps in making feel less alien, and weird.

The coming year, I'll probably look for another job, too. While this current one works, it would be nice to have a higher pay rate, and one that has more… stable staff, I suppose. Dealing with people quitting all of the time, or not showing up, isn't really ideal, in the slightest, and just adds on a lot of stress.

Well, I think that might actually be all I have to say here. I wrote about way more than I expected, and it's reminded me that perhaps my life isn't as dull and boring as I figured it was, especially if there's this much to cover. I look forward to 2023, and hope it to be a better year than this one. Here's to hoping it is, and that the Mario Movie is ok, at the very least!

[detransexual]

Uh-oh gyns, i opened pandoras box yesterday and put on makeup (other than the usual beard-shadow coverup that doesnt actually change how my face looks) and ah fuck i really hate how much i liked it. Nooo dont start using makeup ur already self conscious ahah...

Like i thought id fully accepted being ugly, because i do have a weird face and it usually doesnt bother me, i know i look like hot garbage most of the time but i actually felt like attractive hot garbage?? I dont know how to feel about this tbh. I dont want to start doing something that makes me feel worse about myself if i dont, and every time i do start dabbling in makeup and start wearing it outside it does make me want to keep doing it, but i genuinely dont know how to feel about this tbh?

I think the worst part of it is that i feel more like "myself" actually, in the sense that i look more like i did before i started trying to pass for male. Theres no real point to this post im just rambling.

I feel like i dont necessarily care about my face that much anymore, its just the face i have and its a bit weird looking and oddly proportioned but i can see several of my relatives in my own face. Unfortunately its mostly my male relatives tho lmao.

I really wonder if that has anything to do with my trans identity tbh, why i felt like i WAS male? Because i have always been pretty androgynous both in my face and body composition, and for a long time i was obsessed with plastic surgery generally. I tried really hard for a large part of my adolescence to be really feminine, make myself smaller and cuter and try to fit in with my peers atleast aesthetically when i couldnt fit in behaviourally.

I really remember the feeling of realising females could be transexuals too and suddenly feeling a promise of freedom, feeling like it explained why i pretended to be a boy as a child, why i didnt fit in with my female peers, why i felt the way i did about my female friends (hint: it was autism, and not understanding why i was limited by female socialisation and heteronormayivity) and how hesitantly hopeful i was that that was the explanation, and eventually i became convinced that it explained everything from my weird periods and my deeper than average voice to why i didnt fit in socially and behaviourally - there was something wrong with me on a biological level, something that was easy to believe when you've spent your whole life with a sense that there is something deeply and inherently wrong and different about you.

I dont know, i just wish id have been able to grow up as a girl and realise that that didnt dictate anything about how i should look or act or who i could fall in love with. I wish id have felt able to shed femininity without needing an "excuse" in the form of a male identity. I wish someone had looked at me in all my social problems and self destructive behaviours and realised that this is a kid who cannot ask for help and cannot articulate whats wrong. I wish someone had recognised that something was wrong and that i needed help rather than being told that i was really mature and independent, because i shouldnt have had to be.

And to bring it back to beauty ideals, i certainly shouldnt have been shamed and made to "fix" features that my brother was praised for having, i shouldnt have been told my face and body was unacceptable and unpresentable.

Idk man. Dont wanna care about how i look i dont want it to matter.

I guess a healthier outlook would be to say "huh im not ugly everyone else is just cheating" (jokes!! Is just jonkes!1!!) but then again i am kinda ugly and i just wish i didnt prefer looking better aesthetically because like, whats the point lol its not like thats gonna do anything for me

[perseruna]

not to sound completely obsessed but ur art brings a lot of comfort to me even when im not in single one of your fandoms, it's just aesthetically (and not only) very pleasant. so i thought id love to ask you some questions.....how did you start drawing, are you self-taught, what were your first steps? because i really want to start drawing too, and you're my, y'know, kinda inspiration. wishing you a lot of happiness hon😩❤️❤️❤️ty again for showing us your GORGEOUS art

omg thank you so much this is so sweet 💌

and we’ll ive been drawing ever since i was in kindergarten but when it comes to digital art i started around 2016ish i think! (my old deviantart is still somewhere out there may it rest in peace) i never went to an art school so everything i know about art i learned myself (the internet is full of wonderful resources that will get you anywhere trust me) i do plan on maybee going to an art uni this year but we’ll see about that!

and my advice would be to focus on drawing what you enjoy and what makes you happy! i genuinely think that’s key to growing as an artist. discover what type of art you enjoy looking at, find other artists that inspire you and look at the way they draw characters, do line art, color, shade, anything goes! and try to replicate those little things and then put your own little spin on them. whenever i’m drawing big illustrations i always have a few paintings of my favorite artists opened somewhere just to remember what i want to achieve when it comes to composition or just the general vibe or whatnot.

use use use references! reference pictures are your best friend and don’t be scared of them! if you have to trace something to get the shape or proportions right then do it! there are no rules when it comes to art. make as many pinterest boards with different refs or with pictures that inspire you as you can because they’ll come in handy believe me!

also don’t be too harsh on yourself, take breaks when you need to, don’t force yourself to draw when you don’t feel like it (some days just aren’t fit for creating and that’s alright!) sometimes it’s hard to see but with each day you’re growing, the artistic journey doesn’t have an end, you can only keep getting better!

[jjks-dodo]

I’ve always wanted to ask you when did you learn how to draw? I’m only a beginner and i really hope one day i can drew like you so i neeed tips

i've never really learned how to draw.. lol it's just years of being a nerd piled up to be... well this. lol

im super flattered but at the same time im so guilty of being someone to look up to? cuz im a lazy ass person who's satisfied as long as i can express what i have in my head and not put much more effort on it..lollol i didn’t really study perspective, composition, or things we're supposed to know when we draw.. im that lazy lmao so don't be like me lollol

soooo what id recommend is to watch some youtube videos about art/illustration. my favorite (anime-like) illustration related channel is saito naoki sensei’s channel. he talks about things like how to become a better artist(for beginners and others) to really helpful tips on what mindset we should have as an artist. i believe he has english sub on his videos, so i really recommend watching his videos! i learn a lot from his video too. i just dont practice what i learned (which is bad and again, dont be like me lol)

[iron-mum]

I wish you would write a fic where Tony and kid Peter are being adorable father and son as retribution for the angst you’ve made me suffer through in the past hah! (JK I love you and your angst! 💛)

Well, well, well. What do we have here, eh? A request for adorable? I'm not sure, I'm very good at that 😌

Here's SIMTony who would stop at nothing to help his unwell son, Peter get better. Even if it meant using Extremis.

P.S. ILY3000 💕

In the final throes of the graveyard shift at the hospital floor, the elevator pinged for its frequent lone visitor. The front desk staff, whilst tense and sitting up suddenly straighter, knew not to actually engage. No ID was needed for their boss, one of them barely suppressing a gulp as his determined strides headed for the private room that had been deliberately placed near to the room equipped for every possible kind of emergency. Once inside, he carefully shut the door silently and took a seat at the bedside.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Sharp blue eyes shifted from the persistent buzzing of the most technologically advanced medical equipment anyone, anywhere could offer before looking back down to something far more invaluable and precious. Tony’s entire world. His purpose in life. The little boy on the bed lay motionless, breathing slowly and evenly, nose occasionally scrunching up at the discomfort of the oxygen mask upon him. He should have been cocooned in a hug from his father but instead his son, Peter, was littered with wires attaching him to the very best modern medicine had to offer.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Pale, soft skin with the daintiest of freckles stood out against the dark curls spread across the far too big pillow. The small fingers of his left hand had loosely closed around the calloused thumb of his father, letting him know that whilst he had been rendered weak from illness, he was still aware of his comforting presence. Tony’s index finger gently glided across the small knuckles, willing himself to see a tiny curve of the lips on his son’s face.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

This had been the Avengers fault. Peter’s current critical condition. The young boy had been on a school trip when a battle had broken out and the wannabe heroes managed to cause more destruction than lives saved. A chemical explosion had landed most of the class in hospital and many of them had ended up becoming very unwell. Unfortunately for Peter, he already suffered many ailments so even under the wing of Stark’s finest medical personnel, the struggle had taken a toll. The genius shook his head as thoughts of revenge started to sprout from the many seeds that had been planted since the catastrophic incident. He shelved the many ideas he had that would lead to the demise of the reckless group once his kid was better.

It had been hours when the sound of a nurse's footsteps acted as the catalyst that would remove Tony from the room so he could head back to his lab. As he reluctantly moved his hand away, there was no reaction. Not even a twitch from the slender child. Bending down, he tentatively stroked a small amount of the exposed skin that was available on the boy’s face before planting a light kiss on his forehead. By the time the nurse was opening the door to the room to complete the routine checks, any sign of a visitor would be long gone.

The moment Tony was back in his workshop, he strode towards his desk. Music started to reverberate from the ceiling, the sound greatly appreciated compared to the low hum and incessant beeping from the emotionless devices that were currently keeping his son alive.

Tony didn’t believe in a higher power other than himself. So in no way, shape or form was he ever going to accept that he couldn’t save Peter from the incurable illness now ravaging his frail body. Feeling powerless was simply not an option.

Rolling up the sleeve to his top, the genius opened a drawer and pulled out a device meant for extracting blood as painlessly as possible. Not that pain meant much to him these days. No pain would ever compete with a parent having to watch their child deteriorate every single second of every single day.

Satisfied with the draw, Tony placed it into a diagnostic machine of his own making. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the glass of his workshop, eyeing it like he was in the most intense staring contest of his life. Jaw clenching, his arm shot out allowing liquid metal to glide across his skin before firing a repulsor at the glass and shattering it. There was an element of irony to everyone loving his face except himself in the minimal but intrusive “what if” moments that surrounded his current situation. With a crack of his neck, his arm remained outstretched so the Endo-Sym armour could return to it’s housing tank.

“Boss, the results are back,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. informed as the music lessened in volume. “No adverse reactions detected still. The chemical composition indicates that the Extremis is unchanged in it’s integration with you on a genetic level and continues to remain stable.”

“And the sample from Peter?” Tony asked, confident that he knew what the answer would be.

“Also remaining stable.”

“Alert the staff intending to see Peter following tonight's shift that their presence will not be needed,” the genius demanded as he mentally reiterated the next steps of his plan in his head. Lips curled into devilishly handsome grin at his victory, eyes crinkling at the sides. The smile only softened when his eyes drifted to a framed picture Peter had drawn of the both of them. He’d done it.

“Certainly, boss,” the AI had responded without any acknowledgement. Tony was too busy in thought. Not only was the Extremis flowing through his own veins, leaving him feeling at perfect health. But soon, it would be doing the same for Peter too. Pain free, peak performance and at complete and optimal health.

“Have there been any sightings of the Avengers in the last hour? I feel a splash of revenge is in order for this special occasion?” The holo-screens in front of him started to flicker as social media sites were searched and hashtags refreshed repeatedly. Hulk had been trending within the hour and Hawkeye in the last eleven minutes.

"Well, how about that?" he grinned gleefully. "I really am being spoiled for choice."

Whilst the genius had been certain F.R.I.D.A.Y. had relayed the message to the morning staff, Tony still found himself exhaling sharply at the sight of someone sat by Peter’s side reading his file. The thin bag of Extremis in his hand was shifted into his back pocket as quickly as humanly possible. The good feeling from beating the shit out of one of the Avengers, plus the buzz of providing Peter with a cure that no meagre doctor had been able to, shifted into a tension as tried to work out who it was.

Their face was narrow with sharp features and glasz eyes remarkably penetrating when they met his perusing stare. His black hair had been combed back neatly, the sides of his temples a distinct light grey. The well fitted suit looked designer even for Tony’s impeccable standards.

“Your services are no longer required,” he affirmed with a dismissive flourish of the hands before the man could even introduce himself.

“I’m sorry?” the other man replied without hesitation, closing the file and rising from the chair. Tony’s chair. If he’d been expecting any pleasantries or introductions, he was thoroughly mistaken. Tony was already locked onto Peter, the gentle rise of his chest a welcoming sight as always. He refused to allow his attention to be divided, ignoring the piercing stare boring into him now. “I have an oath to this patient. He critically needs help from the best in all fields. He needs my help.”

The genius turned at that, an eyebrow raised as he looked the doctor up and down. He certainly held himself strongly for someone who had that much audacity in addressing the owner of everything within his current vicinity.

“Are you new around here… Doctor Strange?” He asked disingenuously, eyes narrowing as he scrutinised the name badge. The letters ‘VISITOR - Dr Stephen Strange’ jotted on the bottom, likely the reason he hadn’t got his AI’s memo. The receptionist who let him in would be fired whether it was her fault or not.

“Unlike everyone else in this building, no, I don’t work for you” the doctor shot back tersely. “However, you were so insistent on my consultation that, somehow, I found my diary completely cleared of all surgeries that were booked in.”

“Well, you can now stick them back in your diary. We’re done here.”

“I know this is difficult,” the doctor started, tone suddenly softer as if he were hoping a change of tact would get through. “You brought me in for my expertise, so use them.”

“I’m the most intelligent, capable person on the planet. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”

“Your arrogance surpasses all the rumours and expectations I had of you,” Strange snapped back incredulously. Apparently nothing was going to get through. “Your child is-”

“You know, it would be a real shame if you were to lose your medical licence, wouldn't it, doctor?” Tony sneered dangerously low. This ungrateful little shit was going to get it for not only wasting his time and energy, but also his son’s. An insignificant speck like the rest of the world.

“Are you threatening me?” the doctor replied doing his best to keep his tone cool and unflinching when the other man removed all personal space between them. The lack of intimidation he was feeling only pissed Tony off more.

“Let’s not test my resolve, doctor.” Despite feeling completely wrong about leaving considering Peter’s condition, Dr Stephen Strange tucked the file he’d been reading under his arm and left the room in just a few strides. Tony had spotted the hand diving for a phone as the door shut behind him and clenched his fists in disdain.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., be a darling and ensure Doctor Douchebag doesn’t make it back home,” Tony demanded followed by a nonchalant sniff.

“Yes, boss. His phone has also unexpectedly lost all signal so will not be usable anytime soon.”

Satisfied with the course of action his AI had taken, Tony locked the door to his son’s room for good measure. He eyed the current equipment before making his move. One of the drips currently providing Peter with much needed medicine was switched to make way for a sample of the Extremis that Tony had meticulously created and tested on himself. He peered at his son, swallowing thickly that this would all be worth it.

Bag secured, the first few drops started instantly, the older man watching as they flowed along the thin tubes before entering the cannula imposed on Peter’s hand. The skin began to glow orange, the lava looking trail gliding all the way up the arm’s before entering the chest. Daring a glance at the monitors, Tony noted an instant improvement in the readouts. A smile spread across his face as sheet-white, sickly skin started to immediately brighten.

Peter’s big, brown doe eyes suddenly shot open as he took a huge gulp of air, eyes landing on his father who was remarkably in focus for the first time in his life without the aid of glasses. Tony removed the oxygen mask so he could take his son’s face in fully for the first time in well over a month.

“Dad?” the young boy croaked, clearly a little disoriented from the abrupt wake up.

“Hey, buddy,” Tony whispered, voice cracking with emotion as he closed the distance between them.

Peter lunged at his father, his small arms wrapping tightly around the genius’ neck and face burying into his chest. It had been far too long since either had been able to enjoy the tender, heart-bursting feeling of overwhelming, unconditional love from one another.

“I love you, kiddo.” Tony gushed as one of his hand’s lovingly cupped the back of Peter's head holding him as close as possible. The other enveloped around his back, his thumb slowly stroking up and down. When the older man's hand started to trail through Peter's hair, the boy somehow managed to burrow even closer. Tony soothingly lifted curls between his fingers and then let them ping back as new life continued to circle through his son’s body.

“I love you too, dad,” Peter whispered, a strain evident in his voice that Tony hadn’t been expecting. When he leant back, he saw the likely cause. Now unnecessary wires were tugging at his child’s skin.

“Let’s get these off you, bud. You don’t need them anymore,” he promised softly as he carefully went to work at removing the monitoring equipment clips and stickers. Peter’s curious eyes followed every step of the way, surprisingly not wincing even when some of the tougher stickers were peeled away. Although he was too young to even begin comprehending what had happened, he knew from vague memories he’d been hurt and that he’d slept a lot. Often he had been unsure if he was dreaming or awake when he’d hear his father read him stories, express his love and let him know how brave he was being. A slight tug on his hand drew him from his recollection as he looked down.

"I’m scared," Peter timidly admitted as he eyed up the last piece of medical equipment attached to him. The cannula in his hand.

“Here’s what we're gonna do, bud. We’re going to put on our brave faces and before you know it, it’ll be all done and over with. Can you show me your bravest, fiercest face?” Tony gently challenged, as part of his upper lip curled and he playfully growled.

The child’s dinky nose scrunched up and his lips pushed out into the biggest pout he could form. He shook his head a little and hummed in a way that likely felt fierce to him but could only be described as adorable to his dad.

"Wowzer. That was super mean, you nearly scared me!” Tony gasped dramatically, as he gestured for the boy to look down and see that the only thing on the top of his hand was a small cotton wool ball and a light pressure from his dad. Using his free hand to fish into his pocket, Tony revealed a green Paw Patrol sticker with Peter’s favourite character, Rocky, on it.

It had been a distant memory since the young boy had handed it to him, having spotted the numerous nicks and cuts that littered his hard working hands after a long day in the workshop. Extremis meant Peter wouldn’t even need it, but the placebo effect would make it worth it.

“Am I all better, daddy?” Peter asked as Tony eyed him up once more. The overwhelmed father cupped his kid’s face and planted another kiss on his forehead, relief washing over him that he was now free from the concatenation of medical instrumentation.

“You most certainly are. And that means we get to skedaddle out of here.”

Before his son could anticipate his next move, his father had scooped him up into his arms and they were making their way not only out of the room, but off of the floor for good.

They’d had a chance to change into matching casual wear and feasted on a huge breakfast before snuggling up on the sofa. Peter had selected an Octonauts movie to watch as he tucked into his father’s side and enjoyed the sound of his steady heartbeat.

It would be a couple of hours when Tony’s phone pinged with a notification he knew was F.R.I.D.A.Y. when she was being discreet. His son huffed at the movement as he shuffled to get the phone out of his pocket, muttering an apology to his kid before opening the message.

[Unfortunate accident on the Hawk’s Nest, Route 97. Vehicle crossed the barrier and rolled multiple times down the cliff’s edge before landing in the Delaware River. Initial scan from one of the Iron Sight Bot #364 shows one survivor.]

Tony’s smirk widened into a full blown smile. Peter’s heart-of-gold eyes suddenly on him, looking up from his position. It was likely a silent protest at the lack of head strokes he was suddenly receiving so the genius replied swiftly.

[Call off any emergency services and get him med-evaced here.]

“You know what I think we need. Celebratory cheeseburgers for lunch,” he announced as Peter let out a squee of joy.

[non-plutonian-druid]

18 for the artist ask game - which one would you like to answer 👀

hmmm,,, i think the one i want to answer most is 4!!

4) What is a piece you'd really really like to talk about but people don't ask - go wild!

This is possibly the least surprising answer ever, but I'd love to rant about some of the behind the scenes stuff for the tarot series haha. I usually give a little insight into the whys and what-happeneds of making them in the posts or the tags, but theres a lot i dont say that id love to share like:

The Hermit: The wall is absolutely covered in math, none of which contains a single number. No numbers were written in the making of this card, not a one. Also those chalk marks are the only time (at least so far) that brush, or any brush other than the 3 main ones, have ever been used in the final cards

The World: when i first drew this, i could not find a single reference for how gabriel ba draws trees, so i made it up. like a week after posting, i randomly found a drawing of his that was like, mostly trees. rip me.

The Empress: The start of reference hell. I didnt use any reference apart from style reference for The Hermit, and I used like one or two pictures of the little girl on a bike for The World, but for this I had to find background reference, and multiple clothing references for both Lila and the Handler, and for the Handler's gun... and that's what my life has been like ever since. Also, in early drafts their positions were switched, with the Handler in the distance and LIla up close. I tried swapping them around on a whim and decided i felt like that conveyed the emotion I was going for much better.

The Hanged Man: as far as i can tell, Ben's tentacles in the show do not actually have suckers, and they really look more like... worms or something? but i like octopus tentacles so i ignored this

The High Priestess: vanya and diego are tied for "hardest fucking card to finish because i had to redraw it so many goddamn times". idk what it is about her slouchy pose here but i just could not get it right. Originally, when The Empress had Lila lying in the foreground and the Handler in the back, these two had parallel compositions, but now The High Priestess is alone. I should fix that at some point.

Wheel of Fortune: I believe this marks the first time i really had to fudge some backgrounds in order to get the composition right. There aren't this many rows of screens, the ceiling isnt this tall, and the window into the mail chute room is on its own wall. Also, in early drafts of this card, the floor was visible and AJ was sitting sexily in a chair. sorry to deprive you all of that

The Tower: This is the second major background fudging I did! good thing i had practice right before this. The Icarus in this picture is an amalgam of the same two buildings as in the show, although since I'm drawing i can do it all in the same shot. The majority of it is based on Massey Hall, but the fancy entrance is based on Elgin Theatre.

Strength: obviously Luther cannot have Umbrella Academy merch on his wall in his apartment in the 60s, since there isnt any yet, but i ignored that because themes. The poster is based on a drawing from a behind the scenes book, although I added the words and changed the drawing style to be closer to the comics. I also looked at reference of comics from the 60s and found that most of them did not emphasize the superhero's name (ie the superhero's name was not the largest word) but rather an adjective- amazing, incredible, etc. None of the in-universe umbrella academy merch had any defining adjective, so i decided to come up with my own... then realized that it would be "extraordinary". obviously. Looking at all this reference is what prompted me to do that meta thing comparing in-universe umbrella and sparrow merch, and what that might say about s3/how reggie raised them.

Chariot: I find Diego's face easy to draw, which came at the cost of everything else about this card giving me the hardest time possible. His pose, the composition, the colors... redid all of it so many times. SO many times. Also his harness fucking sucks to draw. And he always wears all black so you cant even appreciate how hard I worked on it. Fuck this card. I guess it's only fitting since Diego himself is a contrary bastard.

The Devil: Originally had Lila running though space, but I changed it so that it matched The Hanged Man a little more, since The Hanged Man was the only card without a background and the sketch for this was the best candidate to make without a background. Miscellaneous fun fact that you'll notice that the design in the background emerges from the briefcase.

Justice: This one is basically an actual shot from the show, which still feels lazy of me but it wasn't intentional. Also I spent a while trying to find reference for how Gabriel Ba draws hair texture like Allison's, gave up on finding anything close, and then a few days after finishing it I randomly came across a drawing he did of show!Allison. of course thats how it goes.

Temperance: the pillar and arch around Grace are not behind her, and the pillars do not go to the floor. They're attached to a railing in front of her. Also while looking at reference I discovered that the painting Grace likes is not in any particular place of emphasis; thats why i put a light on it. Also, most of the paintings are approximations of their actual placement on the set, but I moved a few around in places where my reference was too blurry to tell what the subject was.

The Moon: newest addition! not much to say about this one, except I feel very strongly that Luther should have had a pink plastic flamingo on the moon, so I gave him one. Its been in the plans since I first sketched it almost a year ago. The pink plastic flamingo is very important to me

[catalyst-llc]

WORK LOG #__50368___

Fields marked with a * are required. Be as thorough as you can in your descriptions of procedure and Abnormality response. Any deviation from standard protocol without prior authorization may be grounds for a referral to Management for official censure, or to the Safety department for mental corruption testing.

*Employee ID: _____A-0294-04____ Employee Name: __Suzuki, Kae___ *Abnormality ID: __O-01-17_______

*Work Attempted: ___Insight______ *Specific Procedures: _Containment check, visual/auditory/olfactory/etc. observation and data collection, air quality analysis and remediation, behavior analysis, sound check, full cognition/sapience panel________

*Progress Log (attach separate document):

09:41 - Entered containment. Began containment security check and recording of first visual impressions. Abnormality appears to be a filthy child in a smock with a rabbit’s head. There is thick brown dust all over the containment chamber. 09:44 - Finished containment security check. Paid extra attention to air vents - the dust appears to be a mild lung and eye irritant. Recommend particulate-filtering PPE for further work attempts. Began air quality analysis. 09:56 - Finished air quality analysis. Results: AQI 326 and rising, particle size mixed but mostly >10 microns, composition unknown. Dangerous conditions to say the least. Began air quality remediation with a dustpan and brush. 09:58 - Quit trying to clean up. That made it worse, if you can believe it. Second AQI reading shows 407. The Abnormality was making small snuffling or crying noises when I came in, but it’s gone silent now. Facing away from me. Can’t tell what its face is like. 10:01 - Tried to perform sound system check, but couldn’t find the sound system under all the dust. It’s all over the chamber now, including on my side of the yellow line. Whenever I move it just kicks up more. Work proceeding at 50-60% normal pace due to my arm over my nose and mouth so I can fucking breathe. 10:03 - Holy shit there’s more than one rabbit kid in h Dust appears to be causing visual hallucinations. I can’t see the yellow line anymore, can barely see the door. I’m seeing swirling…things. Copies of the Abnormality. Buildings like home. This had better count as a behavior analysis because I want to spend as little time typing as possible. I need to get out of here before I suffocate. 10:04 - That’s my What the fuck are these feels like I’m breathing thorns now too Edit: visual, tactile, and probably auditory hallucinations 10:05 - that wasn’t a hallucination. i need to go 10:06 - cant talk, maybe if i write it itll let me go, unless theres no point is there 10:14 - think i dozed off. my lungs are part of this place theyll never clear it out of them. not that i care. the kid is whispering things about fate and i almost 10:16 - fuck fuck this fuck it i need to where fuck your quiet. fuck your asphodel. fuck this i dea that i cant get out i did it once i can do it again so what if that wasnt my doing i survived hell once. no. twice. fuck your end of the cold summer road. I AM NOT DEAD YET

*Work Result: ___BAD_

Additional Notes: send people with gas masks. dont let them fall asleep. and whatever you do? dont give up. that place - that pitiful thing - its convinced its an ending. the ending. it thinks its whats left after everything else is gone.

it doesnt have to be. if im stronger than this, you can be too.

[writingmyanxietyaway]

Doctor Love | Berlin

Requested by anon:  So okay okay, I had this idea a few days ago, and since your requests are open I'm gonna slide in real quick :)is it okay if I request a little scenario where like, u know when Berlino does that dumb thing of self sacrificing becuz he's gonna die anyway? What if his girlfriend/reader has been searching for a cure for his illness and before he can get himself killed she goes in the bank and tells him and somehow they manage to escape from the bank? No pressure if the idea doesn't appeal u! Ily!!

Word count: 2.4k

Warning: spoilers of season 2! maybe swearing, mentions of violence, guns, the whole shabang

Note: not my gif! Okay, so I’m in love with this request!! It took me a little longer to write, because I wanted to get it perfect. Let me just say I’m not a doctor, so I have no idea if there is a cure for the illness he has, but Imma try! Hope you like it darling! Thanks for the request and love you too! xx

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‘I’m sick. I have an illness called Helmer’s myopathy. It’s a muscle degenerative disease, which means that my muscles get weaker and weaker until my heart muscles can’t keep up anymore. If I’m lucky I have four months left,’ he told you like it was nothing; like it was answer to a question on a pubquiz. He held your hands in his, knowing it would break your heart and dreams of a future with him.

‘Andrés..’ you whispered, ‘why didn’t you tell me sooner?’ He sighed and gently shook his head.

‘It’s uncurable, princess. I have medicine that I have to take every few hours that make it somewhat acceptable, but I wanted you to know.’

You visibly broke down. Even though you were always someone who never wanted to show any emotion besides happiness and anger, but this was different shit. Your hands were shaking, body trembing as you tried to understand that everything you had imagined yourself doing with Andrés would be nothing more than a dream. It simply didn’t make sence. Being together with Andrés for more than six months, you’d hoped he would be more open towards you and share what was going on with him. You felt your throat closing up, eyes filling with tears.

This illness was just the cherry on top for him. The man had done terrible things in his life and could mark off just about any sin in the Bible. Stealing, robbing, charming women. Karma was getting her way back to him and all he could do was accept his fate. It came across as cold to you. All this time you planned this whole life for you two together, but he knew that would never come true.

‘No! This is cruel! You let me believe we would be together for the rest of our lives, hell, you told me you wanted to marry me when you got out! You knew even if you made it out alive, you wouldn’t live longer than summer. You’ve done some terrible things in your life Andrés, but this..’ you exclaimed, throwing your hands in the air. ‘This is just rude.’

The sadness you felt quickly turned into anger as you kept yelling at him, hitting him in the chest. He knew better than to interrupt you and tell you that everything would be okay, because he just now realized it wouldn’t be okay. He would die and leave you behind. Period.

‘I knew you were a self-centred bastard! You always play these mind games and somehow make everyone get on their knees for you! Is that all I am to you, huh?! Some game to find how far you can go? Because let me tell you Andrés, this game is finished. Game. Over,’ you hissed. You threw your hands up in the air and stormed out.

That was more than four weeks ago. In the meantime you had spoken again and this time the anger had disappeared and just cried. That was all you could do. You had accepted that you would most likely be a widdow before summer and that broke your heart, but you also wanted to fight. Andrés told you there was no cure to his illness, but there was hope burning inside you and you did everything in your power to still find that cure. Whether it meant getting no sleep for the next few weeks or not.

Andrés would soon be leaving for the big robbery and you had spent every second of the day being with him and holding him close. The times where you would have rough sex the entire day were over; it was now making love. He was gentle to you, making you breakfast in bed even though he could easily ask one of the maids to do it and even buying you nice dresses in colours that matched your eyes.

Without him knowing, you contacted one of your best friends who worked at the lab of a university and asked him if he could do more research on medicine for muscle-related illnesses. He said he had some information that he wanted to share with you, but that meant you had to visit him.

‘Babe, I’m gonna have to run to Macy really quickly. Think you’ll be okay?’ you asked. Macy was your sister and seven months pregnant, so it often happened that you visited her to help her with something. That way he wouldn’t suspect a thing. You had no idea how he did it, but he always seemed to know what you were up to.

‘Of course, princess. Give her a kiss for me, okay?’ he winked, giving you a kiss on the lips. You lightly slapped his chest.

‘Be back for dinner,’ you told him. Out of the blue, he grabbed you by your waist and pulled you against him. He leaned down and you could feel his breath on your neck. Shivers send down your spine.

‘Your ass looks great in those jeans,’ he whispered, placing a light kiss on your neck and slapping you on the bottom. You giggled and pushed yourself away from him.

‘Bye!’ you called, waving him goodbye and walking out the door. You soon arrived at the university and was met by your friend who was waiting for you outside. You greeted each other with a hug and quickly got to work. He told you about the compositions of the different medications and what effect they had on what part of the muscle.

‘Isn’t there any way we could find a way to make this medicine last longer? This is the medication he uses now to keep it under control for a few hours,’ you gave him a syringe filled with the medicine and he studied it. He took the bottle from you and studied it contents.

‘There are some elements of this medicine that also appear in this,’ he pointed to a beaker filled with a milky white liquid. ‘I should be able to find a connection that makes this last longer.’

‘Is there anything I can do? I feel so hopeless not being able to do anything,’ you mumbled.

‘You did a great job already by giving me this. Is it okay if I keep the syringe? I need something that we know works, even if it isn’t permanent,’ he said. You nodded and waved your hand.

‘Of course. Anything to help find a cure. Thank you for doing this. I can’t even explain how much this means to me. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t at least tried,’ you told him. He turned to look at you and gave you a hug. 

‘That’s what I’m here for. If I find anything, I’ll let you know, okay?’

-

It was the fifth day of the heist. Andrés had been gone for almost three weeks now, being busy with training and all. He obviously knew about the plan already, but being the passionate man he is, wanted to go over every single detail again. He couldn’t afford making any mistakes. The goodbye was hard. You cried loudly as he held you close, whispering little reasuring words in your ear. You were thankful for Sergio. He kept you updated on everything that was going on, but didn’t tell you any details or steps of the plan. You didn’t want to either; it was scary enough without knowing how everything went down in there.

It was now wednesday and you were sitting on the couch. You hadn’t heard from Sergio in two days and it started to worry you. The news wasn’t exactly uplifting too. Andrés’ face was displayed all over every tv channel, name heard on every radio station and seen on every wall in Spain. Your heart fell even lower when the news announced he was sick. The smug inspector worked on you nerves as she spoke about him like he was an animal. Sure, the man had done things that broke the law, but he never killed anyone nor hurt any woman.

‘Fuck,’ you cursed under your breath. Suddenly your phone rang and the called ID showed Alex, your friend at the lab. Your heartbeat increased and you were anxious about what he was about to say. You picked up the phone and heard his loud voice. A tearful smile made it’s way on your face as you heard him say those three words you so desperately longed to hear.

‘I have it! I have the cure!’ he yelled. You jumped up and raced towards the university where he was already waiting on you. The hug you shared was one filled with hapiness.

‘Okay, he needs to inject this like he did with the other medicine. This is enough to last until november. I have some of it still in the lab so I produce more and work more on the duration of it. I can’t promise it will work for the rest of his life, but for now it’ll do,’ he spoke. You said goodbye and rushed to Sergio’s hide-out. The medicine you held in your hands would give him at least eight more months and until then Alex had a better cure. You burst through the doors and Sergio jumped up. You could see the whole that had been dug in the floor. You turned to Sergio and burst into tears of joy.

‘He’s not leaving us, Sergio. He’s staying. With you, with me. He’s staying,’ you rushed. Your heart was beating loudly in your ears and the rush of adrenaline was so high, you thought you’d pass out. Your words seemed to land as he slowly moved towards you. His gaze fell on the little box you were holding and his eyes flickered from the black object to the hole in the floor and tears welled in his eyes.

‘I have to get it to him, Sergio. He needs to know there is something out here for him. You and I both you the man is up to something. Let me go in there, please!’ you pleaded. He quickly snapped out his trance and gave you a red suit and black boots to finish the look.

‘When you get to the indside, wait inside the vault. No one knows you’re getting in and that way you won’t get attacked. Take this with you,’ he pushed a fake gun in your hands and you placed it in the holster on your thigh. ‘Goodluck.’

When you were about to enter, you heard a lot of noise coming from the computer. The police had broken in. He nodded to you and you ran as quickly as you could through the tunnel. When you entered the vault, you were met by two people. A young man with dark hair and a woman with blonde curls. They looked suprised to see you and the man pointed a gun at you.

‘Serg- El Professor send me. I’m Berlin’s girl,’ you quickly said, stumbling over your words. Sure, you were carrying a gun with you, but it was a fake. Having a real gun pointed at you made you nearly shit your pants. When the girl pointed out I was carrying a gun and came through the only way out, he lowered the gun and craweled through the tunnel. It wasn’t hard to find Berlin as he came running in the direction of where you were coming from. You caught the stares of the other people who nodded at you and went on with their duties.

‘Berlin, babe!’ you called, making him freeze.

‘What are you doing here, princess? It’s not safe for you. They’ll come running through those halls any minute now,’ he sternly said, turning around and grabbing you firmly by the arm. ‘Leave, now!’

‘No, I’m not leaving. I came here to tell you I found a cure,’ you breathed and everyone around you froze. ‘You didn’t know, but I’ve been doing research for a medicine and I’ve found it. The first dose should work ‘till November. After that I’ll have a much stronger and longer working dose.’

‘Princess, I told you to leave,’ he said more firmly this time. You didn’t move.

‘Like I said, I’m not leaving. Not without you anyway. You promised me a life that I could only dream of and now we can have it. I love you with all my heart. I can’t loose you. Not now, not ever.’ Tears cascaded down your cheeks as you begged the man you loved so much to trust you and come with you.

‘Leave, now. Helsinki, take her with you,’ he ordered the bulky man behind you, but he didn’t move.

‘Love is a passionate thing, Berlin. I don’t know this woman, but she found a cure for your uncurable disease. That’s literally doing the impossible. You have five seconds to decide to leave with this woman or I’ll take you with me. Don’t look away when you have everything in front of you,’ he spoke. He turned his attention to you and you gave him a grateful smile. He smiled back and nodded.

‘Will you please come with me? If you don’t come with me, I’ll stay with you. I either die with you or leave with you, you decide,’ you stated. He looked at the box you held in your hand and realized how much he loved you. Moving towards you, he passionately smashed his lips to yours. The kiss wasn’t filled with lust, but relief and gratefulness.

‘As soon as we walk out those doors, I’m marrying you. No exceptions,’ he mumbled against your lips. You nodded and held him closer.

‘That was the plan.’

You heard the policemen run behind you and Helsinki was quick to throw a grenade. Berlin pushed you all inside and bowed your head in his chest. Once the grenade had exploded, you all rushed back and blew up the tunnel. You joined Sergio and Helsinki in the back of the truck, leaning against Andrés.

‘There are no words to explain how much I love you, princess. No words.’

The two of you left to Cuba, where you got married soon after you arrived. The wedding was on the beach, your white dress flowing around you while you stared at the man you could finally call your husband. Only a month after the wedding you surprised Andrés by telling you were pregnant.

‘You are my heart, my soul and my everything. Thank you for being my wife and everything I’ve ever wished for.’

.. .. .. .. .. 

Berlin Taglist

@nkjktk​ - @michaellangdonenthusiast​ - @hamiltonsofcrap​