#but idk if anyone else thinks about them the same way or if I'm articulating myself

[moonlightdancer26]

I'm an ex-marauders fan at this point, but haven't yet worked up the nerve to leave :( Wish me luck.

The marauders fandom promises acceptance and tolerance and lighthearted fun, but as soon as Severus comes up, the previously rosy atmosphere turns downright ugly. I've seen so many marauders fans posting or reblogging about how “your trauma is valid”, how “intentions don’t matter if you hurt someone”, and how “apologies don’t count if they’re coupled with an excuse”… who also go out of their way to justify the ‘prank’ because Sirius didn’t /mean/ to almost kill Snape, and how it’s really all Snape’s fault, and why can’t he get over it already since the marauders clearly became better people (even though Snape never received any kind of apology or any indication that they regretted their behavior)?

And these posts live side by side on their dash? Idk just needed to vent as i figure out where to go next in this fandom (or maybe another one altogether)...

WTF THIS ASK WAS FROM SEPTEMBER 😭😭 I’M SO SORRY I SWEAR I’VE BEEN SO EXCITED TO ANSWER YOUR ASK BUT I GOT TOO BUSY AND ALWAYS POSTPONED IT 😭

Anyway, I totally wish you luck anon. It’s hard switching fandoms and building up the courage to “move to the other side,” but I can tell you that it is 100% worth it when you realise how much the Snapedom differs from the Marauders fandom! As someone who’s been in the fandom for many years, seen what both sides are like, and has a bunch of friends (both online and irl) who don’t always share the same opinion, I can safely say that we are generally far more accepting of different opinions than the Marauders fandom. We tend to steer clear of them because they’re.. very persistent about their opinions and find it amusing to purposefully mistag their anti-Snape posts or to scroll through pro-Snape/anti-Marauders tags and attack the posters. But if you’re not like that and you can accept not always agreeing with friends or fandom members, then we’ll welcome you with open arms <3

And honestly I agree, I’ve seen Marauder stans make excellent and detailed analyses of their favourite characters and articulate their arguments greatly. But then all that reading comprehension shoots out the window when it comes to Snape, and you suddenly see them brush him off as nothing more than a “obsessed incel nazi” and call it a day. I’ve seen similar things happen with Snape fans as well, and I completely understand how you feel.

All I can say is: Just leave the Marauders fandom. Either announce it with a post and say that you no longer wish to be in the Marauders fandom or want to switch to the Snape fandom. Or if you want, you can create another blog altogether. The important thing is that you do it now and get it over with, because simply reading your ask and knowing how it’s negatively affecting you really upsets me. This ask was sent around 2 months ago, so I hope that by now you’ve done something about it, but if you haven’t, this is what I think about the whole situation. I wish you the best ❤️❤️ and if you, or anyone else who’s struggling with anything similar, want to DM me and talk about this, don’t hesitate to do so.

[raayllum]

I'm torn with Claudia. The humane part of me wants her to stop walking her dark path before she destroys herself completely and find some measure of peace. The fucked-up part of me wants to watch her to lose it and go on the warpath and cause lots of chaos. Is that last one wrong to hope for?

Not at all! I do think we'll see her warpath arc next season, since as Ezran stated/foreshadowed

We all want peace and we all want love. But violence tests us. In a twisted way, it converts us to its cause. Because pain and loss feel so terrible inside, you want to hate. You want to hurt someone else.

Given that Rayla cut off her leg and the trio cost her the chance to save her father's life (since if/when Viren survives, I don't think Claudia will know for a while), I think she'll start chasing Revenge. (Which may lead to even more fracturing with Terry, as "I always believed in you because you had a reason" but we shall see...) And then maybe Soren and Viren will work together to try and bring her home, but maybe only in s7 - so who knows?

But yeah, I don't think ever wanting characters to go through "negative character development" or "fail" means we don't like them or don't understand/sympathize with them. Too often, I think, fandoms can have a tendency to moralize, well, everything, but in this case the choices writers make regarding their favourite characters, i.e. "This Bad Thing happened to Character A so therefore the writers hate them / are punishing them."

And don't get me wrong, I've definitely seen shows where a writing team just did not know what to do with a character, so they just heaped tons of pain on them and/or under utilized them, and who is shown on screen with discussed/processed trauma vs who isn't is definitely a discussion worth having, because none of that exists in an apolitical or aracial space.

However... by no means is the "punishing" angle what's happening all the time, either. What I think it comes from is like, some base assumptions and also a lack of literary understanding for some key aspects I'm gonna do my best at articulating clearly:

1) Operating under an assumption that if you like a character you should only want 'good' things for them, and for them to be a 'good' person, because you are also a 'good' person. This doesn't seem super moralized on the surface, but it explains a lot about "how could anyone like that villain" or offense to "how could anyone want that character to fail" and it's like, idk how to explain that failure and therefore conflict and tragic figures are Just Interesting, Brenda, even if they aren't your personal cup of tea. (I say, as a diehard Macbeth and literary Judas enjoyer lmao.)

2) Ignores catharsis and tragedy as elements of storytelling / as its own desirable genre. Sometimes, you want to watch a thing where you know the whole time everything is going to go horribly wrong for certain characters, or all the characters, and that's what's fun about it. The desirable outcome for every story or character is not a happy ending, nor are all characters or stories built for a happy ending, either. It can be upsetting, of course, when a character we like doesn't get the (happy) ending we hoped for, but that isn't necessarily always the same as a bad ending, y'know? Substantially bad things happening to a character doesn't always mean a narrative hates them; a focus on them is still a focus.

All of this to say: I don't think it's wrong at all to want, or be interested in, Terrible Things happening to a character. It's a thought experiment like any other, and pushing characters to their limits, revealing how they respond under intense or painful experiences - whether than pain is physical, emotional, or something else entirely - is fun and interesting. There's a reason there's are entire genres for Horror and Drama and tearjerker films after all.

Like I've been waiting and wanting for Claudia to snap and become a fully fledged villain since S2 because it was very clear to me just how much she was already Skewed in S1 and S2 made it clear to me that, unlike her brother, she would not be getting on a better path any time soon. Sometimes mess and hurt and mistakes is more interesting than healing, and sometimes it's the opposite (and those things aren't mutually exclusive either).

Like going into S6, I want everyone to Fail so badly (except, arguably, Claudia - who still isn't going to be getting what she actually Needs - and Aaravos, who's going to get exactly what he wants). Watching how characters and their relationships can fall apart, how their own consistent flaws and patterns, can lead them to make awful but understandable mistakes? That's my shit. And getting to see how they do, or don't, come back from that in the season, and in season 7? Chomping at the bit, I'm so excited.

I also don't think that hoping for another end, though, is worse than being excited for a tragic end, because while tragedies are about sadness, they are also - at their core - about Hope that maybe it won't end badly this time. If a tragedy cannot provide catharsis to a viewer, for some reason, then they are still fulfilling their purpose in nurturing hope and indignation in the face of perceived unfairness - that a character could try so hard and still be doomed; that we ourselves often take on tasks that feel insurmountable, that we can take on what looks like a losing battle and still, somehow, win. And maybe we don't - maybe they don't. But tragedies, if nothing else, teach us resilience and the merit of telling a story when you already know how it ends, and the skill of it lies therefore entirely in the execution (sometimes literally).

Basically: hope for whatever you want for whatever character you want, even, or especially, when it's 'bad'. It's what we've always done for a reason.

[mister-eames]

DUUUUDE! I am in love with your last ask/answer about Arthur but I am the greediest of all gremlins and now NEED your Eames version of this answer. What's Eames' reasons behind why it takes so long for him & Arthur to get together? Does he have his own version of he doesn't think he has a chance? Or whereas Arthur knew he had feelings for Eames & decided to lock them up in a box and hide them away, is Eames not aware of his true feelings for ages? Idk! I love this! No pressure of course!

Thank you for the question! Eamesie, my dearest darlingest Eames. I love him so much.

I don't know how well I'm going to articulate this (spoiler, not great), but here goes!

I suppose, at the forefront, is that my interpretation of Eames is him being incredibly vulnerable and guarded. Sensitive. He's a cancerian, I will die on this hill. There's a pervasive sadness to his character. It's in his body language, the way he speaks, the way he interacts with the other characters, how he is all ready to retreat at the first sign of warfare in the dream.

On this, and coming back to the concept of them being two sides of the same coin: where Arthur uses his persona like a weapon to ward people away from his heart, Eames has a thousand shields around his.

Eames is the overly cautious one. Arthur is the hothead with one hundred contingency plans and a smart mouth, but Eames is the one hiding under layers and masks and personas and misdirections and flowery words and tricks. Eames is not afraid of loving someone, as such, but he's profoundly aware of how deep his well runs when it comes to the depth of his feelings---and he knows without a doubt, were he to surrender to it, he would never be able to climb out of that well again.

If it doesn't work out he thinks there would be a part of him left with Arthur always, even if Arthur didn't know it - even if Arthur didn't want it.

If it doesn't work out, Eames believes 'well Arthur would just pick himself up and move on like nothing even happened' (not true, but he doesn't know that) meanwhile Eames would be riddled with craters in his very being. It's doomed to hurt, he thinks. That's a terrible bet to take.

Besides, what he has now with Arthur is fine. He's never had so much fun pulling pigtails before. Why rock the boat?

Does Eames think he is worthy of Arthur? Yes. Eames knows he would give anyone he loved his all - and it's just that - that's the scary part for him. Giving it his all. Losing himself when he has the option of being self assured. Sure, Eames has insecurities too, perhaps about his body, about being 'too much' for someone else, but at the apex? He has something inside him that would rupture easily, irreparably, and he's built a fortress within a fortress within a fortress to protect it.

In short, Arthur = love is a whole ass feeling, but not worth risking the pain/rejection/facing my own insecurities. Eames = love is a whole ass feeling, I will presumably decimate myself by giving in, therefore I should not. It's not that Eames is more in love with Arthur than he is Eames, but Eames' line of thinking very much leans towards catastrophising.

Neither Arthur or Eames are wrong in the way they think, but nor are they right. They place the riskiest bet with each other - their own soft sides and vulnerabilities. They admit to themselves, this person, this thing means something. But admitting that to each other would be passing a point of no return.

I also think thats what makes the pairing so compelling to me - whether the events of the film are pre-relationship, established or exes-trying again, its so clear to me how inextricably intertwined these two are. In the way way they seem to have a piece of each other without explanation - the way they tease each other, their banter, how they talk shit about each other to others, their little tête-à-tête - 'be back before the kick', 'merry chase', their nicknames? hello?? who else talks like that in the movie??

They have evidently carved a part out of each other without realising it. You might as well dive in, boys.

[alienturnip]

Finished FF16 a few days ago and I do have some (long) thoughts about it, so I'm noting them down below. Reactions include the Waloed & Origin arcs.

Tagging @zadien as you requested <3 My thoughts won't be organized but I'll try my best to articulate as I go. Wall of text alert!

I think this is yet another case of "the story didn't satisfy me a lot but the characters bewitched me body and soul" so here I am at the end of the roads... with a lot of grievances toward how the story was structured & written but also impossibly attached to the cast haha, needless to say I have fanart ideas planned and incoming.

Things that I enjoyed a lot:

CliveJill's scene with the snow daisies, where she tells Clive that she wants to spread her wings after all this is over. MY GIRLFRIEND... YOU SHALL HAVE THE WORLD.

Jill being so good with acting dkfjsl <3 <3 she's so cute....

Jill being as much of a ruthless mtfk as Clive, they're soooo in tune when it comes to wrecking havoc

Everything about Joshua he brings SO SO MUCH to the table both with his personalities and the themes he represents. I would ramble if not for fear of this post's length...

Dion's contradictory demeanor hahahahaha - he insisted everyone call him "Dion" but wouldn't shut up about "Ifrit" and "Phoenix", he also refused Harpocrates' gift but then gave another to Clive 2 seconds later, then sauntered off without even checking if Clive likes it or not...

I generally bemoan the lack of discussion on Dion's relationship with his country's imperialism and his hands in that (like, everything about him was perfect to address that topic even in very brief ways?), BUT I highly enjoyed Dion's theme about the loss of personhood and to be reduced to a vessel of power and worship, his multifaceted relationship with the concepts of power & duty & hierarchy. So subtly yet powerfully done with so little screen time... I think Clive's own engagement with the theme (which is supposed to be his central theme) comes short in comparison.

Dion's side quest with Harpocrates also scratched my brain in INCREDIBLY ways, but again I won't ramble too much in this post...

(Hahaha by this point I think everyone knows who my fav is)

Dion & Joshua's dialogues are all so well-written (maybe save for Joshua's last speech...)

Everything about Mid & Gav, they're beautifully done, I love them they have such solid places within the narrative and lovely personalities too. When I watched Mid navigating the Entreprise I was just squealing and cheering for her! Her talking about the dream of flight and the danger it might entail, and her plan of turning such a weighted topic into a lighthearted treasure hunt! My gosh 💗 Gav's drinking scene with Clive is also especially touching, I felt a lot for his burdens.

Lady Isabelle may I have your hand in marriage--

Clive holding Joshua or clutching his body...... breaks me every time I love love LOVE tragic siblings

I can honestly write an essay for each of the characters (especially Jill & Dion my thoughts about them are overflowing) but they will have to be separate posts at this point, let me know @zadien (or anyone else reading this 🫣) if you'd like me to talk some more.

NOW onto the criticisms proper...

Waloed & Origin arcs were pretty underwhelming, mostly because I feel like they haven't offered anything new that wasn't already resolved in the previous arcs...? I enjoyed Barnabas' vibe but his impact on me was a big fat 0, and here comes the conundrum because, well, I'm guessing him being emotionless & devoid of a personality is supposed to be the point with his worship of Ultima, but even that was not done well... All his bedroom scenes kinda ruined all of that, not to mention the out-of-nowhere 'mother' appearances that the story doesn't even bother to explore aside from showing her naked body (Benedikta got the same treatment after her death my god I'm so sorry my beloved)...

Idk what I'm supposed to take away from the character and, in consequence, the Waloed arc? I know nothing of who he was, his dialogues didn't even match Clive's growth at that point - again, why is Clive questioning his humanity NOW of all time, when the story has been going so well? Could they have, idk, shown Clive's fear coming back to him after reuniting with Joshua & discovering Dion's descend to madness, so that they can segue into the Waloed arc more smoothly - that despite Clive's best intention he may lose all his control at the most crucial point and ruin all that he holds dear (like Dion), and that he never let go of his guilt at Phoenix Gate, and having Joshua back unwittingly brought back the nightmares he'd lived with for 13 years? Maybe that would give his identity crisis at the beach some more substance instead of "Barnabas bested me twice and now I'm wet and sat" situation he got going on... I am thankful for Mid & Dion's arc & CliveJill romance & everything about Joshua but the main villain & plot points felt so distant... MY BRAIN WAS NOT SCRATCHED

(I adore Mid & Dion & Joshua hahaha they're so colorful in 3 entirely different directions, my silly children)

I am also not really convinced by Ultima's writing. The plot reveal of him being a God who created humanity but then abandoned us all *could* have been pretty powerful and on point if it wasn't executed in such fragmented ways. If only they dig deeper into one or two specific aspects of that concept to explore...

I am especially fond of the idea of Ultima as symbolic for "the absent parent" and "the narcissistic parent" (both in the intimate familial context and the wider context of head-of-state/leader figures), which could have paralleled SO WELL with Anabella & Sylvestre & EVEN ELWIN had they not cut off Anabella's presence immediately after her death, or had they make Dion reflect deeper upon his relationship with his father beyond "I killed him I am so sad", or had they make Joshua's and Clive's memories of Elwin more complicated - maybe in how they (especially Joshua) worshipped his as their father & leader, but less so as a man, someone human & flawed? And then they can explore how the children gaining autonomy & freedom despite their parents & the circumstances that shaped their childhood as a direct mirror to them breaking away from Ultima? The frustrating thing is, I THINK they did try to do that, what with all the Inner Voice snippets and the initial buildups and all, but the execution keeps coming up short...

Ultima & the Eikons as symbols of "power that binds & enthralls" in contradiction with Clive's fight for a "free world" could've been much more relevant and poignant if maybe they allowed us to get more invested in Ultima's backstory (flashback cutscenes perhaps? more involved murals? a more multifaceted discussion around the concept of will? some attempts at humanizing Ultima's race so that when Clive says "you're just like us" we feel it a bit deeper?) instead of just having the guy monotonously narrating all the plot twists... my god. Not to mention all the on-the-nose dialogues of power of friendship & crude slavery allegories... I don't know! I think Square did NOT do it well in this one.

That's all I can pull from the top of my head at the moment! Ready to hop into replies or asks to talk some more, but yea!

[gamerbearmira]

What

Ok so started this to put in my oneshot but. But i have no idea where I'm going with it anymore. Having second thoughts because originally it was gonna be for a different au, but i wrote so ambiguously that I slowly wanted to it be something and. Idk even know anymore 😭😭

What???? Do I do with it, like do I finish or nah 👺👺 I don't wanna delete cause clearly I was going somewhere and it has potential but i guess I just stopped and didn't continue 😭

Anyway giant siren stuff (and possibly vampire because I was listening to Sonne and saw some medieval architecture) soon 🗣🗣🗣

Esketit

-----

All six of the Madrigal grandchildren stood still in the courtyard of Casita. Thank God the others had already left, because there was no way to explain...this. Not really. They had no idea what to do. It happened so fast, and they didn't even know what they were supposed to do.

"So...anyone else confused?" Camilo asked, looking down and about. Isabela and Dolores exchanged looks. Luisa seemed more scared than anything, a little panicked. Antonio didn't really seem to comprehend, or notice, but then again, he was only barely four. Mirabel just kept looking between the others.

"Um..." Isabela opened her mouth, but quickly closed it, unable to articulate what to say or do.

"We can not let Abuela see," Mirabel mumbled, her eyes wide with shock. This obviously had something to do with magic but...it didn't seem like magic from the candle. It was...different somehow. It felt different anyway. And it physically changed the way they looked. It didn't hurt, not in the slightest, but it was still confusing obviously.

The others looked at Mirabel. They didn't outright say it, but they agreed. Abuela could not know. They all knew how she was, and knowing there was more magic, she might try to use it. And while they'd never openly admit it (and neither would their Abuela Alma), they knew she would find a way to use it to "benefit the community". Whatever that meant. It didn't seem to have the same meaning as before.

"Hey, if it affects us, do you think it'll affect Mamá or Tía Pepa? Or maybe...Tio...you know." Luisa asked quietly, whispering as if trying to keep the secret guarded, despite them being alone. The five exchanged looks, Antonio still distracted by his change in appearance.

"I...I don't know. But I don't hear anything out of the ordinary. So maybe it's just us?" Dolores half shrugged.

"Or maybe it just hasn't happened yet," Camilo said and the others exchanged nervous looks. That was true. After all, they weren't entirely sure what this was or why it happened. They weren't even sure if the Candle or even Casita had anything to do with it.

-----

Shoutout to anyone who can figure out what au it was originally gonna be because. While vague, you could tell if you read into it 🥸

Fun fact, its not Housebroken (though I do have a one shot for that I'll post soon as well)

[astridthevalkyrie]

soph, have you seen the diskhorse? 👀

if you mean the x reader stuff, i've seen the og post and anything my mutuals have reblogged, although i saw it pretty late (relatively) because i only found it last night before i went to bed.

(if you didn't mean that i'm so sorry lol because this post is really long)

idk i have thoughts here and i'm sure people have already articulated things better than i could, but there's two separate points the post is talking about—how a reader character is described looks wise (+ gender), and then everything else that makes up them up, ie personality, backstory, skills. there was also something about a mary sue, i think, about how most readers have not been trained as super soldiers or aren't celebrities and so they become hard to relate to.

so! here is things i think factor in for people when deciding whether a chracter is a reader or an oc. feel free to disagree, these are my thoughts and how i classify them. i'm gonna try to avoid saying "imo" this whole thing is my opinion lol.

1. giving the reader a name

i've seen both sides of this now. some people are completely taken out of a story seeing y/n or f/n or just ____ while reading, and others (like me) are taken out when they see a name that the author has assigned. authors can also do a range of things when it comes to name, and there's a difference between, say, the story starts with the reader meeting the character while eating a cookie and so he calls them cookie the whole time (any pet name, sweetheart or darling or whatever is in this catgeory as well) versus the character just being named avery.

the former is much easier to read for me because, y'know, that could still be me, someone could call me cookie if they saw me eating a cookie (sidenote if anyone called me cookie i would jump off a cliff) but my name's just not avery in any way shape or form so it suddenly becomes really hard to self insert (and reminder that the entire appeal of x reader fanfics for most people is to imagine they're the one in the story).

both things are valid! now that enough people have expressed their fondness and disdain for both, they clearly have their merits to different readers and it is completely up to someone which they prefer. anyone making complaints about either (usually the name crowd talking about how much they hate y/n from what i've seen) or anyone who says "y/n isn't me" or "katie isn't me" is just not reading fics that make them happy. in a subgenre all about making yourself happy and being self indulgent, you're letting yourself be taken out of a story by something that will keep other people very invested in it.

have your preferences. indulge in them. surround yourself by them!

SO. a reader being named does not make them an oc (and while i don't think people need to tag it, it would be nice if they did) until we get to the second point.

2. first person vs second person vs third person—and POV!

first person gets a lot of bad rep in fanfic, even when it's NOT an x reader fic. why is that? aside from how it's associated with wattpad one direction stories ("i woke up and threw my hair into a messy bun"), reading first person to many many people feels like reading out of someone's diary. even if it's from the reader's point of view, there's a disconnect that's there that simply does not let people self insert because it reads too much like the self insertion is meant for the author only. and because of the aforementioned connotation people have with it, it comes off as childish or cringy.

STILL. first person does not an oc make (didn't expect the wiseness here didya). i feel bad because first person takes me out of a story too and there are definitely more than several first person stories that aren't childish or cringy at all, BUT here's where i think the first and second point start to meet.

first person pov with f/n—still an x reader fanfic. first person pov with a named character—oc.

the same goes for third person. i've written third person reader and though i tried to avoid saying the reader's name at all (it becomes exceptionally awkward in third person), i did still use f/n everytime it came up.

second person pov is the only one that works with a named character and is still an x reader fanfic.

excuse me! someone calls out. what if i write from the character's point of view and not the reader's?

i'm so glad you asked! pretty much the same rules apply. this is when we get into how second person can be used without us seeing the reader's thoughts, and fanfic authors do it all the time. "he wanted to kiss you so bad, he thought of nothing but your lips the whole week" and "'i want to kiss gilda so bad,' he groaned, thinking of you" work, while in the same vein "i wanted to kiss ashley so bad" or "he wanted to kiss martha so bad" doesn't work.

the character's pov is easier to write in some ways because:

3. reader's personality

there is much much MUCH less to worry about when writing from the character's POV now that you don't have to write the reader's thoughts. (third person omniscient writers, y'all are so brave.) of course that's why smaller headcanon or sexy posts are easier to write (which doesn't make them any less enjoyable or valid), it's because they center on the character and how they would act while having very little to do with the reader. they do well on tumblr because tumblr favors shorter posts that are easy to consume, not because they're particularly better. if you ask people what their favorite reader fic is, most will give you a fic in which the reader most certainly has a personality.

it is highkey impossible to write a fullfledged story without giving the reader a personality, even if you write from the character's POV, which no one should feel obligated to anyways. everyone has already said this, but yeah, it is also impossible to create a character that will relate to anyone.

but do they have to be super competent or kickass or the biggest flirt or a ninja warrior gymnast superhero?

uh, yeah, they kinda do. here's where the hard truth comes in—these fics are meant for readers to self insert, but they're primarily meant for the authors of those fics to self insert into. you might not want to read a story in which everyone and their mothers think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, but escapism is different for everyone. if someone following the pov and name rules i mentioned above, their reader could have all the personality in the world, coupled with a tragic backstory and a career that would put barbie to shame, and it would still be a reader fanfic, and "personality" does not need to be tagged. it would be extremely goofy if it was.

(although, a lot of fandoms DO tag features their reader has in case you want to block them out on ao3—think mha with their "reader has a quirk" tag.)

and finally, the most hot topic issue.

4. giving reader a set look/reader's gender identity and pronouns

yes. "your pale skin" takes me out. "your slim waist" takes me out. "your blue eyes" takes me out. pronouns that aren't mine take me out. any descriptor that wouldn't apply to me takes me completely out of a reader fic. unlike personality, it's not impossible to write a story without putting physical traits on a reader.

....that's not to say it's not hard, though. i hope people recognize that. if you're writing other characters interacting, flirting, kissing, or having sex with your reader, there's going to be at least some instances where "she looks up at you" just has a different effect than "she looks at you" and you don't wanna not include people who are shorter than the character and sometimes you have to sacrifice the picture you're trying to paint for inclusivity or vice versa. many authors are picturing either themselves or an oc in their heads as they write, and it's extremely difficult to check yourself after every sentence to ensure that absolutely no physical description is present.

(in a much smaller picture before i go on, i'd like to specifically mention the word "blush" because people bring it up a lot. unpopular opinion, but i really don't see a problem with the word, mostly because i think despite its dictionary definition, blushing is not limited to cheeks being red, it's synonymous with blood rushing to your cheeks, which can happen to anyone. my skin tone is dark enough that people can't tell if i blush, but i do blush regardless, just, y'know, discreetly. it becomes something else if the narration or a character points out a reader's cheeks are red, but otherwise i really think anyone can blush. if people want to avoid it as i mostly do to just not ruffle feathers, i usually stick with "you feel your cheeks heating up" and that has about the same effect.)

so, yeah, it's difficult. it's also not wrong—and i don't think it creates an oc. people can write a reader that looks like them and have it still be self insertable to other people or even have their works read by people who don't mind physical descriptions when reading x reader fics.

obviously there is an issue with how poc are treated in fandom and representation in general with the lack of dark-skinned readers and male readers, which is, as pointed out by others, because there are simply more white female authors. so what's the solution, so as to not alienate poc or ppl with pronouns that aren't she/her who are reading fics that contain afab she/her readers or descriptors?

(ik that's wordy, shh, i'm tired.)

tagging! everyone cries simultaneously. tag your stuff!

yeah, pretty much, exceeeeept. it's one thing for people to tag their fics with black!reader or afab!reader or variations of those, and it's an entirely different thing to say white!reader. you know why you don't see that? because it would leave the same bad taste in people's mouths if, say, netflix had a category about white empowerment. with basic historical and social context, it's not a great idea.

the better idea is probably to tag something like "Reader Has A Physical Description" or something along the lines that someone else could word better than me. then either in the tags or in the author's note (in the beginning) mention the types of descriptors, i.e. "reader will be described as having pale skin." that's it! go ahead and make the reader pale to your heart's content. pale readers and people who don't care will be able to read and others who hopefully make the effort to read the tags (always read the tags!) will just scroll and find a fic they like more. on the opposite side, "Reader Has No Physical Description" could also work as a tag to assure people that your reader will not have their physical traits described. that covers skin color, eye color, hair length and texture, height, etc.

and if something does not exist for you, if you want more amab readers with they/them pronouns or if you're like me and you're south asian and want a reader that jams out to bollywood music then you're always, always free to write one of your own or request from authors who allow it. as most poc readers know, having someone who is of the same race or ethnicity as you write something with their experience clearly woven into the story can be very personal, as it is for them to write.

so! tldr: pov matters a lot when determining oc or reader, and names, personality and looks less so, but everything is about what shapes your experience and preference. tags are important, as is keeping in mind that x reader fics are meant for self insertion both for the author and the reader. write what you want, but let's be conscious of alienating people who are already lacking representation in fandom. happy reading, happy writing, hope those characters love you like you deserve!

[snobgoblin]

honestly i know this is weird to suddenly barge into your askbox saying this, but as much as i love Aspirations and how it really gives insight on the Gangreen Gang, at the same time it just makes me so depressed seeing how much they wanted a parental figure (in this case, a mom) and was manipulated and thrown to the curb instead. I know Ace and the others went to the Mini-Mart afterwards so that probably helped some, but I think they'd have an even harder time trusting authority figures, or the prospect of being adopted or something, because of trust issues :(

I'm just,,,,Holds them gentle like hamburger

YEAHHHHH I SAY THIS ALL THE TIME shreds Sedusa like a squeaky toy

WHAT MAKES ASPIRATIONS SO BAD TO ME IN PARTICULAR IS THAT, well, from Telephonies we know the gang isn't even liked by fellow villains. they aren't liked by the narrator, they aren't liked by the ppg, and like yeah they're villains but they get treated DIFFERENT the ppg view them as a nuisance rather than people deserving of respect like Mojo Jojo and HIM and Sedusa u know. they're like, barely a step up from the amoeba boys in terms of how they're seen. like I dunno how to articulate it really they've got fucking NOBODY. they have each other and THATS IT. they're not even a part of the villain gossip circle- they're just teens that live in the dump and they don't have anyone- but then, Sedusa, in a moment of humiliation, when she had nobody else to turn to, recruited the gang to be her henchmen. she used their situation to her advantage, she used the fact that they're seen as garbage so nobody would suspect they're the ones stealing the artifacts, and she used their need to belong, she used their need for a mother to her advantage (in a....... really weird way? idk maybe I'm reading it wrong but that whole thing was like, weirdly... I don't think romantic is the right word, maybe charged? why did Ace call the same person he calls mom "hot" help me 😭) anyway its just like- Sedusa knew what she was doing she knew these boys had nothing and she used that for her own gain, and in a way, I like to think that made them feel important in a way. for a moment, they were competent thieves, they had a mom, they had hope for a better future- and I think it would make them feel proud in a weird way to know such a renowned villain COULDNT do this by herself, she needed their help you know what I mean? anyway I love Sedusa but she was so wrong for that whole mess and she definitely traumatized the shit out of them, I can't see any way they'd trust easily after that, but I do think it must've made them grow closer bc at least they know they can always trust each other. I mean, it made Ace comfort Billy when he cried when in Slave the Day he stayed far away from him. that's gotta mean something

anyway apologies for the brain barf I have a lot of thoughts about this lmfao

[sundragon]

The chatter about "reclaiming p-shift" or whatever the hell just makes me shake my head! It's just weird. There's nothing good about that label, it's not redeemable, and it wasn't ours to begin with?

I'm transspecies, as in I'm going to be physically modifying my body to be More Lion until I'm dead. My body is a lion's body the same way it's a man's body. It is only "human" in the sense that it shares genetic patterns with other bodies like it, and those don't mean anything to me as a person unless I engage with them.

Some people would uncharitably call my body map a delusion. When I'm not feeling dragony, I'm just a big awkward anthro lion getting through the world here. My phantom body overlay is so tactile to me, so sensitive and "visible" that I'm still mildly upset other people don't see it the way I do. It's ridiculous! Just look at me! But rationally... I know why that is, and that there's a disconnect in what my brain tells me is there vs what is tangibly there. Regardless of one's comfort level, at the end of the day we have to agree that there is a common detectable reality that we all appear to live in. None of us live in a reality that has human bodies morphing into non-human bodies, and we won't get anywhere until such a basic fact of life can be mutually understood outside of personal feelings. Those feelings can be really fucking powerful, but still irrelevant.

If I were to insist that I was physically transforming into a Real Life Simba every time, I'd sound off my fucking rocker. Not that there'd be anything morally wrong with that, but I'm saying all this to give context to just how dumb the whole idea is. Why would I, a physically not human person, "reclaim" a word that is literally by, for, and about people who are pretending to be shapeshifters online for clout? Who call people like me fakers and wannabes? Other people having clinical zoanthropy has nothing to do with them, and trying to repurpose the word for the former doesn't somehow make it make sense. That'd be like if I decided to start calling myself a Christian, because I like the word for some vague reason that only makes sense to me internally, even though I'm an atheist and do not share the core belief that Christians do. I can think the aesthetic is neat, but it doesn't make me one.

We're not actually physically shape-shifting, that's the point. Our brains are just doing weird shit (which is cool enough on it's own, like... can we talk about how interesting this is?), and some have it in a way that is genuinely scary or otherwise upsetting enough to be categorized as a disorder. You can cope with and be in your headspace and deal with it in whatever way you need to, but this ain't it. It's just not it. idk how else to articulate this. P-shifters aren't here for me or you or anyone but themselves and their weird little cliques giving them attention.

[thatrandombystander]

Aw jeez holiday season got me feeling melancholic and mopey again. It's just like my birthdays babeyyy

We had a drive around to look at people's Christmas lights in the neighbourhood and I held it in until we got home but now I've started tearing up and crying a little bit.

It's just really sad and frustrating how alienated I feel about any sort of event that is, to most people, a time for celebration.

Growing up, for years and years the predominant feeling I had towards my birthday was just stress. Same thing with each of my brothers' birthdays, same thing with Christmases, New Years, Easters, whatever.

I would dread in the time leading up to them, be stressed on the day, enjoy any pockets of happiness in the time, and then be thankful that the day was passed.

This is directly related to my dad in a way that I've only ever articulated to one friend and she wanted to hit my dad for it. He just always made these sorts of event days so unpleasant.

So now I have more agency in my own life so instead of feeling dread and stress I just.... don't do or feel anything? I feel any sense of joy in these days, and then end up moping about it.

Birthdays are a time for me to mope by alone and away from anyone else. I don't tell people when it is because I don't want them to say anything about it. My close friends sort of just tentatively message me to ask if they can wish me a happy birthday, and I feel weird receiving any sort of present because the joy of presents doesn't mesh with my general unpleasant association with birthdays, so I think I just sort of end up emotionally confused going "uhhhhhhh thanks I guess?????" about it.

Christmas and Easter are just nothing days. New Years Eve is a day to mopily watch the 9pm family fireworks and then go to bed and be grumpy about the midnight fireworks.

I don't have any traditions to celebrate any of these days and I don't know how to start any because I struggle to look forward to the days as something to make a plan for.

I also just really dislike how it's left me struggling to celebrate other people's birthdays and how out of practice I am with gift-giving. I don't look forward to my own birthday so it's difficult to remember to look forward to other peoples, meaning I tend to forget when they are and then I forget they're coming up and suddenly I realise "oh wait, I should have gotten a present for them by now". Same with Christmas and Christmas presents. And then I feel bad about it!

Honestly I think the only way to resolve this would be to move out and get some housemates that ARE exuberant about these sorts of events. Or maybe next year when I have a car someone can invite me to something. Idk. I'm gonna go mope some more or whatever.

[futurebird]

Why are the ED blogs so dainty and pink?

Listen, bubba I'm (10 years) recovered so I'm always disturbed when I like "Ana Adjacent" things. But I will always like pink things and innocent things. Always.

And I'm just wondering why there is an intersection? There was a good post about this last week, iridessence talking about how annoyed she was that she was seeing follows and content from ED blogs.

When I was trying to get better I read a lot of books about EDs, there are many crazy theories about how they operate. I found most of them... very silly. Things like "Girls develop eating disorders due to poor relationships with their father and too much attachment to their mother." The kind of stuff that might be true for a few people but hardly explains the larger problem. And most of them were condescending in a way that I find hard to articulate.

(My personal theory is that people get EDs because they want to be thin, because we live in a very fatphobic culture, and in order to get thin people go on diets and fasts. Diets mess with brain chemistry. A maladaptive loop emerges of self hate, binging and purging, starving to extreme and the ability to see yourself reasonably dissolves. It's hell. I don't think we need any theories about wanting to kill your mother and marry yer dad or whatever. ANYWAYS )

In one of these books that tried to explain EDs I distinctly remember the man who wrote it writing with some contempt about the tendency of his anorexic patients to have an affinity for clothing, decorations and objects with an innocent girly aesthetic. He decided this was "a rejection of adult female sexuality and regression" and he suggested taking such items away since they were just another way of expressing the disorder which he viewed as an attempt to peterpan your way out of adulthood.

As much as this smelled of BS it stuck in my mind. And I guess there is a part of me, the part very invested in being RECOVERED that worries that it's some little flaw or failure that I get so excited over pink ribbons. Or soft angora sweaters... That I feel most comfortable when I feel plain an innocent and maybe just a little basic.

Then I remember some of the other crap that same guy wrote and totally reject the idea. Because I like pink things because I hate how so many people reject them. I hate how they are seen as smaller and less than ... for babies. Why should that be the case?

Why can't I be a menace in lace and pale pink?

IDK if there are other recovered people knocking around... but does anyone else have... thoughts on this?

[candychameleon]

Talk about your love for MegaStar 👀

oh no what HAVE you done uhh i will try to like...keep my thoughts condensed bc the ESSAYS i could write on this ship. my dissertation on megastar

okay this ended up being long so i WILL put this under a readmore LMAO

i mean the thing is i could write so much because their dynamic is both like the same but also SO DIFFERENT IN EVERY CONTINUITY so my thoughts on megastar changes depending on continuity like. how i feel about TFA Megastar is not exactly the same as how i feel about TFP Megastar or Earthspark Megastar or IDW Megastar but like...the one thing i like the MOST about megastar is just how dysfunctional and codependent it can be (sorry hkdsfh but also idk what anyone expects with megastar i...am not sure anyone ships it bc its a paragon of a healthy relationship)

which is like a whole other can of worms but i find that sort of thing interesting in general, bc like...ALL cybertronians to a degree are dysfunctional, some more than others, but that kinda comes with the territory of having a 4-million year long civil war and one (1) therapist (who is only in one continuity). none of them really know HOW to be healthy and it's interesting exploring that and the different ways they've been broken and the different ways they cope. and to me megastar is one of the MORE interesting examples because like there is something to be said about knowing someone and being THAT close to them for as long as megatron and starscream have. they know each other better than anyone else, which is both isolating and a strange comfort. if starscream or megatron were ever to disappear or die, the other would lose a not-insignificant part of themselves; i don't think either of them even remember what their life was like without the other, nor can they really imagine it. like starscream being megatron's SiC has them working together for basically their entire lives i'd imagine. which is like...also something i wish was explored more, WHY starscream is megatron's SiC. like show me why he earned that rank! show me why he KEEPS that rank, why megatron trusts him THAT much, because like...obviously he must be SiC for a reason. why would megatron appoint him as his second if he did not in SOME capacity feel starscream was capable of leading the decepticons if he's gone (so like...stories of starscream being hopelessly incompetent kinda frustrate me sometimes. like sometimes i find them amusing but man i would love more of Dangerous, Competent Starscream bc he is SO enjoyable that way too). like TFA Starscream is one of my favorite depictions of Starscream because he is a THREAT and you can INSTANTLY see with everything he does WHY he is rightfully feared by autobots and proves megatron shouldn't have underestimated him

they're messy and co-dependent and i wish i could find like DMs where i've rambled abt it bc i've definitely articulated myself better in those and i'm having trouble w words rn hfldksjh. i want them to watch the world to burn, together, hand in unlovable hand

i find their relationship and dynamic just fascinating, not even 100% from a shipping standpoint, just in general (although i do also ship them and think they should kiss. or that they're bitter exes, which is like...ALSO a very fun dynamic to explore for me)

i guess if you want more focused thoughts ask me about a specific continuity bc i have a LOT to say about different megastars! like ESPECIALLY earthspark lately, but yeah. w/o a continuity i just talk about like...megastar OVERALL like IN GENERAL what i enjoy in a megastar dynamic

not to mention like every continuity ever has ENABLED and fed me so much. the megastars eat so well all the time and i thank hasbro for it. didnt like wfc but "i like his arrogance actually" will be THE highlight of the whole thing. did ANY of this rambling make sense. god i hope so, god i hope not

[cruelsister-moved2]

you said you weren't gonna elaborate but ifyou have time could you on that point that most cis women will only give their genitals as what ties them to womanhood. not sure I understand the implication bc in my experience that's true and I've also wrestled with the same idea a lot bc of being in that space between cis and nonbinary where it's like well I don't feel like what society says a woman is but to pretend that all cis women do is misogynistic. jw your thoughts because i think abt it a lot

yeah I think about it too... obligatory The Quote:

anyway yeah I just I don't know how to say this without coming off dismissive to people who find other frameworks useful to understanding their existence but there really is only how you want to live in reality and what gets me is the... assuming people who don't use certain labels dont have the same interior complexity as you(ie the pansexual effect). no one can ever see your internal Experience of Gender and you can never see anyone else's so it feels like there might actually be an upper limit to how useful it is to engage with. idk maybe I'm just too autistic for all this stuff but I feel like on the internal level you, to yourself, are just you. gender is literally a relational framework that we use to categorise OTHER people so we are all going to feel some amount of awkwardness about the attempt to apply it to ourselves internally. I think some people, upon discovering this, are a little too hasty to assume everyone else (esp cis women) has an easy time doing that. So i guess THAT'S what i mean, like a lot of people are just straight up NOT doing that and just not considering themselves as having a say and therefore not thinking about it. which isn't to say that they don't have complex feelings about themselves as individuals in a gendered society, or even that they might not hypothetically feel equal or better about existing in the opposite category, if they were able to consider that for themselves.

Like im femme4butch I'm obviously a big enjoyer of fun with gender performance but I do feel like ultimately your options are like "I'm expected to be in group A but group B feels at least somewhat less terrible to me" or "neither group A nor group B feels at all comfortable for me" or "existing sometimes in group A and sometimes in group B depending on the context is preferable to me" etc. and each of those encompasses a host of internal experiences of gender but it just skips feeling like that is something fundamental that we automatically owe each-other and require to understand each-other and decides that actually in terms of interactions with other humans our efforts are best placed in facilitating others moving through the world in a way that's most frictionless for them. and internally within the LGBT community who even cares because its only recently that cis gay people have even had a category resembling cisness open to them bc previously manhood and womanhood were so inherently contingent upon heterosexuality (spoiler: they still are it's just you can at least theory cut out the gender of attraction and replace it). i think this is why people are increasingly identifying with terms like transsexual again because it DOES feel relevant to their identity that much of their lived experience is organised around moving through the world as other than their cagab. ithink once you acknowledge that gender isn't defined for you (either by your genitals or like your Male Brain or Female Soul or whatever) then it kind of turns the concept of what even is gender into soggy cardboard anyway, and trying to articulate the specific qualities of ur handful of soggy cardboard is largely pointless in comparison to what container youre going to put it in. and if that begs the question of why we're putting soggy cardboard into all these different containers anyway, well then there you go

[ruporas]

It’s been really nice talking with you too, makes my heart very happy, you’re so sweet and it’s been just really really nice <33333 I appreciate all your kindness very much.

There are at least 3 people sending asks about shops rn also btw, the first one about the zine yesterday was someone else and there was another today about a shop, I’m sure there are a lot of people who would buy things from you, you have such a… your art feels like when you experience it it’s inside your chest to me. Like it blooms with your heart as you get to touch it and sits warmly with you and doesn’t slip away if that make sense. It’s something that I know personally I would get a lot of comfort from being able to look over and see in my space and I’m sure other people would too.

Art is something I value so much, it’s worth so much to me and I love to make art and listen to it and see it and feel it and live in it as much as possible. It’s how I experience a lot of joy and love and process things and feel life. I love stories. It’s love to me idk!! I love artists and I love that people share things and I love to spend time holding art in my heart and experiencing it and I appreciate it more than I can articulate that you and other people post things and share things and I make art too so I know it’s often a part of our hearts and minds and it’s vulnerable to share things that come from us like that and it’s challenging to even make them often and it’s love to me. So yeah I want you to know that you’re doing something I think is so special and important and wonderful just by making art at all <3333

Art being accessible to people is what’s given me everything and I appreciate it so much. There’s something really nice about having art that’s not in my screen that I didn’t make myself to be in as well though, and that’s worth a lot to me. Your comics and other pieces are poetry and love to me and I’m like. Really deeply grateful and happy that you’re considering making things available for people to have in their physical spaces <33333

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ MUCH LOVE TO YOU!!!! I TYPED A BIT so i'll put it under a read more... but thank you so much...!!!

your words are so kind and dear to me and gahh the way you describe how my work feels T___T i had to literally take a minute or 20 to have that sink in -- IT MADE ME REALLY HAPPY TO READ, it feels so nice to hear that my work can have that lasting effect... i think i mentioned alr, but one of my biggest comfort when receiving replies and stuff about my work is just knowing that people can feel something strongly in my work and knowing it's a warm feeling makes me feel giddy.

you have such a wonderful way of describing your passion for art too, in the collection and making of it..! i share similar sentiments, nothing i can describe as well as u did already, but art is an important everyday intake for me too, just seeing it on the dash and other socmed is an instant serotonin... and also the community it can help develop, the connection built to others who love and share the same interests... i love that sentiment of viewing art as love!! because it really is, there's passion and life poured into works created and it's a special thing to have in the everyday.

i have a few prints on my walls and i understand completely that it feels different having it physically than on a screen..! i never considered it before for my own work, but looking at the prints i have, it really radiates an unique kind of joy and comfort. knowing that someone else could have my stuff on their wall and feel similarly gives me a lot of encouragement T_T thank you so so much again for your wonderful words and for giving me a push in this direction... and i'm very happy knowing that there's anyone at all interested in having my work physically.

i'm so so grateful for these messages!!! sometimes im doing other stuff thruout the day but i remember these messages and i feel like 800x better, IT'S JUST.. SO ENCOURAGING and keeps me going. i do a lot of art for myself, but in the end, i love it most when my work can make others feel happy in any way and hearing it directly from someone else is reassuring that im doing something right in my work..! thank you!!!

[sanstropfremir]

Lol your asks are busy today. But genuinely, being called a hag by twitter is kind of a compliment? Id take it as one. Like, teenagers have this weird delusion that you’re a corpse by 30. I thought the same at 15 too so I get it - my brain at that age just wasn’t ready to comprehend that there was more to life than my sad little high school drama haha. But life after 30 is awesome tbh. I just don’t give a shit what is popular any more, nor do I need anyone else to validate what I enjoy. It’s so freeing to be comfortable in your own skin and to not take other people not liking what you like as some kind of personal insult. I kind of pity some of these anonymous askers who obviously have way too much of their self worth wrapped up in your internet opinions of their kpop faves haha.

Now if only my body would stop with the random pains from sleeping slightly wrong, that would be great 😂

i known i got like five in a row in really quick succession! tbh i think all teenagers regardless of time period have that delusion and i don't blame them for it at all, 30 seems REALLY far away when you're 15. and staring down the barrel of world events right now is probably a lot for a teenager. hell it's a lot for me most of the time.

personally i hope that people aren't using my opinions as that kind of validation, bc i'm just a rando on the internet and it's just an opinion. not everyone is gonna like everything and that's ok! and to be honest i don't think most of the asks i get are looking for that kind of validation either. a lot of ppl are looking for someone that can articulate concepts that they might not be able to or are just interested in hearing about something they have a different perspective on. idk, i try to keep a charitable view of everything i get sent, at least. it's more fun that way. i don't mind that people disagree with me and i think this would be a lot more boring if nobody did.

[creelteeth]

damn it, i'm so sad there won't be a sequel 🥺 but as a former fic writer i totally understand. we love to write, it's a hobby, but it's also really important when people like and interact with your fics, that's what motivates us.

if you ever feel like writing bfb!steve again, like the unofficial part or some blurbs, there's two parts in chaperone that really peaked my attention and i'd love to read about (along with the whole plot, smut and the relationship they hide from his sister, obv).

the fact that the main character was leaving hawkins for school but didn't tell anyone

our boy would be so upset, he was really enamored with the mc and they just had their first real night together. would she try to end everything to avoid both being hurt by a long distance relationship or maybe he would be the one ending things and leave her heartbroken. or i don't know, something else

that part where his sister mentioned he has a box full of porn magazines bookmarked AND pictures of the main character in the same box

i wonder if the pages he marked had pictures of girls that looked like her, imagine if it did and one day they went through his collection together…. and also how did steve got pictures from her? and how did his sister didn't enquired him about it (and freaked out) whenever she found out?

putting those two topics together we can go to that part where he mentions putting his old polaroid camera to work, like, omfg, steve doing a hot photoshoot of her so he could keep personal pics when she goes off to college 🛐

baby, i'm going to put myself to sleep today creating fake scenarios about bfb!steve lol

sorry for bothering you with it by the way, just know that i'll keep up with your account cause i really liked your writing 💗 i'm looking forward to read those requests you mentioned you're working on

i hateeee that it put a damper in my mood about it cause i had at least two more parts id planned to do but ! oh well , maybe it’ll come back to me at some point. tbh all writing has been a little wonky for me lately :/

but YES the school thing was gonna be a turning point cus i love me some angst n reader was gonna be faced with a huge moral dilemma. i didn’t decide what direction i was gonna take it. one of the ideas i had was farrrr more devastating than the others i think ppl would’ve been mad lol. i wasnt sure if i wanted him to find out on accident, overhear her telling his little sister and HIM break it off cause he didnt wanna hold her back from her future— orrrr for her to tell steve first before her best friend and they figure out the distance issue later. either way both of them kind of know they’re operating on borrowed time, their whole dynamic was a bit solemnly.

the pictures part , i more so imagined it to be like , pictures of her in swimsuits n stuff of that nature. stuff he could’ve ethically collected just from knowing her,hanging out with her butttt because he’s a lovesick fool and also a horny boy he finds a way to integrate the two. has some of his favorites used as bookmarks in the pages that he thinks looks like her. puts her face over the model’s faces. stuff like that. so it was weird , definitely but also not weird enough for the sister to confront him lmao. just a shoebox under his bed that has a mix of things he didn’t want laid around. condoms, pictures, keepsakes, and his unruly amount of porno mags. she saw the playboys and scrammed cus who wants to see what porn their brother is into? was probably looking for his weed stash or something.

i hope all that makes sense idk if i articulated it well that’s just some of the ideas i had with it!! but pls im so glad you liked it. i loved writing bfb!steve it’s one of my fav steve’s cus he’s just so perfectly boy next door it’s delightful. i hope you continue to like what nonsense i put out!!

<3<3<3

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary94

12/14-15/2023

thursday - friday

home late.

we did practice today, for the noise set, the setup mostly works, which is fun/nice.

i've just been reading theory of the young girl because i've got myself involved in the dumbest game of telephone ever over it. some guy wrote a book that's essentially a response to the tiqqun book, i have my own misgivings re: the book (i can't tell what the point of it is, a critique of tiqqun isn't worthless on its own but the absorption of / repositioning and then re-gendering (or simply, the gendering) of the young girl as a concept (as it was, originally, not actually gendered but about a broader circumstance everyone faces), feels off, i however can't read his book, i can't/won't buy it, i can only sit, distantly absorbing it or whatever). but my friend who finds the young girl a rather powerful work, immediately read his work, just the blurb, the idea, as immediately sexist/explicitly misogynist. for whatever reason, i decided to tell him, and also tell him how awful his existence made her feel, basically. something about it struck me at the time. i don't know why, but i also don't think she's wrong. i think this sort of work probably requires anyone to be willing to be hit w/ that kind of response, and the necessity of being able to absorb that, or predict it, and think about what you are writing. even fiction, is like this. it feels important to really mull these things over, not to be right, it's not about being right, i think, just to not miss your own point. i guess w/ anyone who is writing, and whose work i find frustrating, i have no way of really knowing how to tell them something seems off, in a deep way, beyond like, craft concerns, but the method of thinking could use reflection upon. and i guess i didn't read it but if all i have is this outsideness, and also whisperings of others who read it, talking about parts about irony/sincerity, irony as a shield, or whatever, it gets annoying. i hate that exact conversation, because, though i have not read it all, at this point (i've started and stopped on young girl, idk why), the young girl seems to have a response to this kind of discussion:

maybe the irony part is more complex, maybe it's got something to do with the dual obsession but even then it feels tired. the issue of irony or sincerity, of people being ironically detached sincerely, i've had thoughts about that since highschool, this isn't to say i'm a genius, it's so say, this has been the internet (as the book seems largely about the internet, essentially), it's just like, where does this thinking go. is this about that impossibility? i dunno if i trust him to articulate that i guess. that's on me, i've really only caught his theory in off-side ways but i don't really, i dunno, feel like it's accomplishing anything other than being part of discourse online which minimizes/absorbs this kind of stuff to spit it back out, create shadows in the distance so people can argue longer. a condom on life or something.

anyway, the game of telephone though, is bad taste on my part i suppose. i'm not nice maybe. i can't say whatever to that, i feel literally awful about it, not the telephone game, just not being nice like i could be. it's my largest regret in my own life. but i don't want to be surrounded by certain things, and at the same time, i don't want to just remove myself from it, i feel like something has to be confronted, even if, to me, it's my own incredulity, and then another person's voice who might not be heard, that ought to be surfaced. or maybe not. but it's like, what else is there. there is a frustration, deeply, about where this could point people.

that direction being just, i dunno, discourse, it feels like. tiqqun end their preamble in young girl with an awareness of the blurriness of the work, it has no vice on display for condemnation and it's not a whole theory, it's only a vision of what people have to do/believe now, or at least a certain type of person. it does not seek to convert, only observe, and offer people tools for analysis/disarming the world we caught in.

his work seems to want to catch you, or by positioning itself as the gendered response, it will capture, by placing the young girl as an alibi, rather than a process that was seen, and creating an oppositional like this, i dunno, it seems bound for that.

maybe i am hysterical and stupid. i would like to be. i don't think the book matters so much. my being a bad person matters more, and the sense both people on either side are both unhappy and misunderstand me in some way, also bothers me. i will never be understood, i will never be nice.

that's hyperbolic.

i just feel so stupid, no one made me. i don't know where the compulsion comes from entirely.

i just hope by putting this all here i can just put it behind me more easily. i maybe just want the rush of being annoying to someone who has created something i feel strongly might be wrong.

still the compulsion remains opaque. i am just full of evil pulsions.

i don't want to say that though. i don't want to be evil.

some other quotations from tonight's reading:

anyway:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!