#but if i'm writing something long or plot heavy I'll choose to write with an oc because I want the characters to feel grounded

[kurokoros]

when you agree with someone’s point only to immediately see them trashing people who write character x oc 😞

[albertasunrise]

Oops Baby - Juggling Act

Masterlist

Summary: Being best friends with Frankie meant movie nights, drinks with the guys and a shoulder to cry on when you got your hear broken. He is head over heels for you but you don’t feel the same… yet a drunken mistake will tie your lives together forever!

Relationships: Frankie Morales x Reader

Warnings: Like AO3 I choose to give none. Read at own risk. 18+ (So... I know this took a while. Just been so unmotivated lately so been struggling to write. Hopefully with this is worth the wait. I'll be introducing a new plot twist this chapter to look out for that 🙊)

Series Masterlist - Part 1

Two months had passed since you'd told Frankie that you were pregnant. He had been a little slow to forgive what had happened that night. You had hurt him. Taken advantage of his attraction to you and it was something that you'd never forgive yourself for.

The rest of the group had also been slow to forgive your transgressions. You hurt one of them. You hurt all of them. But as the weeks went by, you did your best to prove to all of them how truly sorry you were.

Ben had been your biggest supporter.

"So how are things?" Ben asked as he sipped at his black coffee "You and Frankie getting on better?"

"They're better." You replied as you placed your mug on its saucer "He's been helping me with a few things. Started looking at prams and cribs."

"That's positive." Ben gave you a warm smile as he leaned over to give your hand a friendly squeeze.

"Yeah." You conceded, nodding as you fiddled with the rim of your drink.

"But?" Ben pushed and you looked at him like a deer in headlights.

"But?"

"There's clearly something that you're not telling me." The blonde scoffed and you let out a long sigh as you leaned back in your chair and rubbed your bump.

"He uh… Well, he suggested that he move in with me after the baby was born." You stated, "To help with the baby and stuff."

"So?"

"So… What if his feelings for me start to cause issues?" You questioned "I want to have feelings for him… I mean he's what every woman dreams of but I dunno… Just don't feel the same way he does." You finished with a shrug.

"Frankie's a big boy." Ben chuckled as he downed the last of his coffee and motioned for the waitress to top him up "I'm sure he can handle himself."

"I guess." You replied, sighing as you leaned forward to take another sip of your own beverage "Just don't want to lose him again."

"Then don't fuck him again." Ben snorted and you glared at him as you flipped him off.

"Smart ass."

…

Frankie opened your front door with the key you'd had cut for him as he carefully balanced the takeout. He noted you were nowhere to be seen when he stepped inside so he called out to you whilst placing the takeout down on the table.

"In here." You replied from your office.

Frank placed the last container down before going in search of you. He could hear commotion coming from inside the spare room you had turned into an office a few years back so pushed the door open to you dismantling furniture.

"What the hell are you doing?" Frankie shrieked as he stepped further into the room.

"I wanted to get a head start on the nursery." You replied with a shrug.

"So you thought you would start dismantling heavy furniture on your own?" He growled, grabbing your attention.

"I'm pregnant Frankie… Not disabled."

"You shouldn't be doing this sort of thing on your own." He snapped "What if you hurt fell?"

"Frankie-"

"I'm just… I don't want you to do stuff that will risk the baby."

"Why would I risk the baby?" You scoffed and Frankie practically growled your name out as he replied.

"I get you are used to living alone and being independent but you are four months pregnant with our baby." He continued "If you would just read that book I got, you'd know that you shouldn't be lifting heavy shit like furniture."

You felt a pang of guilt at this statement. You deliberately ignored the book Frank had gifted you. You thought he was just being a know it all but now, seeing how he was pleading for you to listen to him, you realised that he was just trying to help.

"You're right." You sighed as you pushed yourself to your feet "I'm sorry."

"I got us take-out." He stated, changing the subject and you practically growled in delight.

"Thank god… I'm starved." Sprinted to the table, sighing in delight at the smells that greeted you.

"Got you your favourite." He piped up as he pushed the container towards you with some cutlery resting on top.

"Thank you, Frank."

The two of you then sat and ate as you showed each other different ideas for the nursery. You had found an all-in-one crib, the changing station at the end with drawers beneath it and the crib. Frankie showed you a chair he could that he felt would be great for you when you breastfed and a few dials he liked also.

"Helicopters?" You chuckled "What if we have a girl?"

"What… Girls can't like them too?"

You rolled your eyes at his statement but grinned when he stuck his tongue out at you in response. You loved how things were finally starting to ment. That you were starting to get the old Francisco back.

"You thought any more about me moving in here for a bit when the baby's born?" He asked between mouthfuls.

"I have." You replied simply.

"And?"

"And I just had one concern." Frank's brows pulled together in confusion as he looked up at you.

"Which is?"

"You have feelings for me Frankie." He went to say something but you stopped him in his tracks " I just… I don't want things to get weird between us."

"It won't be a problem." Frankie replied as he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

"How can you be sure?"

"Because I'm seeing someone." He replied plainly.

"Oh." You replied, a little shocked at his this news affected you.

"Yeah, I uh… Well, I met her a few days after you told us about the baby." He elaborated as a love-sick smile filled his features "I uh… Well, I didn't tell anyone cus it's still new but… Well, things are starting to get a little more serious so-"

"And she's okay with you moving in with the random chick you knocked up?" You scoff.

"She knows the situation and respects the fact I want to be involved… Want to help… Also, you're not some random chick!"

"How heroic." You grumbled, taking Frank by surprise.

"What?"

"Sorry… Nothing, just the hormones." You grumbled, trying to swallow past the lump in your throat.

"Are you jealous?" Frankie scoffed and you snorted.

"No, I'm not." You snapped "Just surprised you started dating when you're expecting a baby is all."

"Well, it's not like anything's ever going to happen between us." He stated as he forked more food into his mouth "I need to move on so that's what I'm doing."

"Right…" You trailed off, feeling tears sting at your eyes as you finished the last of your food in silence.

When the plates were washed and cleared away, you answered Frank's question. You knew you were going to need help when the baby came.

"Yes." You said as you opened the door for him as he went to leave "I would appreciate it if you moved in for a bit after the baby comes."

"Great." Frankie replied as he beamed at you and kissed your cheek "It's gonna be great."

You watched him practically skip to his truck. Your fingers touched where he'd kissed you just moments before. You were so confused by these feelings you were suddenly feeling for a man that four months ago, you'd slept with and rejected. You blamed the hormones.

You couldn't suddenly have developed feelings for him surely?

…

In the month that followed that evening, you and Frankie managed to clear out the office and start to paint it ready for the baby. You had your 20-month scan and after endless arm twisting and puppy-dog eyes from Frank, you agreed to learn the sex.

You were laying on the examination table, staring at the ceiling as the examiner prepped the machine for the procedure. You weren't exactly sure why you were so nervous. The baby had been active all morning, much to your chagrin and everything had been perfect on your last scan. Yet you couldn't help but worry that something might pop up.

"So, we ready to see how baby's getting on?" The doctor asked as she squeezed the gel onto your swollen tummy.

"Definitely!" Frankie replied. He was practically vibrating with excitement.

The doctor got to work looking for your little miracle. Finding them quickly and turning the screen so that you and Frankie could see the life you'd created together.

"Looking good mummy and daddy." Said the doctor sweetly as she grinned at you both "Did we want to learn the sex today?"

"Yes." Frank rushed out and you smirked at him, knowing how desperately he wanted to know.

"Let's have a look then." She said as she started to move the probe around, taking measurements as she went.

"Please be a girl. Please be a girl. Please be a girl." Frankie uttered under his breath, his hands enveloping yours as he stared at the screen awaiting the verdict.

"Well. She's measuring perfectly." The examiner stated and your heads shot up like Meerkats.

"She?" You asked and the doctor nodded.

"It's a girl?" Frankie squeaked and the doctor grinned.

"I can say with 90 per cent certainty that you are having a healthy baby girl."

Frankie choked back the sob that threatened to escape him at the news that he was going to have a daughter. He'd hoped from the moment that you'd told him you were pregnant that it was going to be a girl and his wish had been granted.

"Happy?" You asked, pulling his attention away from the screen and to you.

"Elated."

The doctor printed some pictures for you and sent you on your way with more tips for the last leg of your pregnancy. Frankie couldn't stop staring at the pictures as you left the building and made your way back to his truck, narrowly missing a lampost as he walked.

"Eye's up Morales." You teased as you guided the man to the car.

"I just… Just look at her." He gushed. His eyes were the size of saucers as he studied the pictures in his hands.

You smiled as you walked up beside him, resting your head on his arm as you both admired the pictures together. She was so clear. Her hands waving in front of her and her legs kicking. The first scan had been emotional but this one had just brought it all into focus. In four more months, you were going to be a mum.

"Can't wait to show everyone at the bar tonight." Frank said, pulling you from your thoughts "Ben's going to be stoked."

After a few more moments of wonderous staring, Frank finally helped you clamber into the car before getting in himself. You had loved the fact your appointment had fallen on drinks night so when you had suggested to Frankie that you surprise them with the news that night, he'd leapt at the chance. You had come up with a plan for how you were going to tell them. You just needed to set it up when they were out of earshot.

Frank dropped you home before making his way back to work and so then, with the rest of the afternoon off, you started to put your plan in motion. Come 6 it was time to leave. All three of the boys had offered to pick you up but you had declined. Wasn't like you could drink anyway.

Arriving at the bar, you managed to avoid the Miller brother's gaze as you snuck over to Fish who was standing waiting for you. With a quick hug and a peck on the cheek, you relayed your plan to him, smiling when he then passed that onto the barman whose attention he shortly grabbed. Then, when everything was in place, you walked with Frank as he carried the tray of drinks over.

"Ahhhhhh, that's what we want." Ben cooed as he helped Frank unload the tray before pouring everyone a glass.

"Who's the extra glass for?" Will asked. Something you hadn't noticed until he had pointed it out.

"That would be for me." Piped up an unfamiliar voice and you turned your head to seek it who owned it.

The was a pretty woman. Medium height with dirty blonde waves and striking eyes. She smiled shyly at you all as Frankie stood to throw his arm around her shoulders.

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet Mary." He said proudly "Mary this is everyone." He chuckled "The blonde Labrador over there is Benny… The more reserved blonde there is Ironhead-"

"Will is fine." The older Miller interjected.

"And this lovely lady here is Titch." He finished with a smile.

You gave her a wave, trying your best to hide the turmoil you were feeling with a smile. At first glance, she seemed nice. A little on the shy side but pretty in a girl-next-door kinda way. She wasn't stick thin. On the curvier side but her dress sense did nothing but accentuate her best features in all the right ways.

"So this is mummy to be." She piped up and she held her hand out for you to shake "I'm so happy to meet you. Frankie's told me all about you."

"All good I hope?" You joked and she grinned and nodded.

"Of course."

"Here, sit with me, baby." He purred as he pulled a chair up next to him, smiling sweetly when she popped herself down and leaned in to kiss him.

"So why are we only meeting this lovely lady now?" Ben pushed, his eyes glancing at you and noting how uncomfortable you looked.

"Well, Frank wanted to make sure this was something serious before introducing me to you all." She teased "Y'all obviously very important to him."

"Damn right." Will piped up, grinning at the look he got from Fish.

The table erupted into twenty questions for the next half an hour. Everyone but yourself wanted to know everything there was to know about Mary. Glancing at his watch, Frank noted it was time so coughing to grab your attention, he changed the direction of the conversation.

"Well, I think Mary's had enough interrogating for one evening." He joked, noting that the barman was preparing their surprise "Don't you guys wanna know how the scan went."

"Oooooh!… I do I do I do!" Ben answered as he positively bounced in his chair "How was it? Everything okay?"

"Everything is perfect." You replied with a smile. Glad to be off the subject of Mary for a while.

"We actually have a little surprise for you all." Frank piped up when he spotted the barman walking towards them.

"What is it?" Will asked excitedly.

"Is it twins?"

"No, it's not twins." You chuckled "We would have known that months ago if it was."

"What is it then?"

"Special order for ya." Said the server as he placed three cocktails down on the table.

"There's gotta be a mistake." Ben started "We wouldn't order pink coc…" The younger Miller trailed off as he shared a look with his brother before looking up at you and Frank "Really?" He squeaked and you nodded.

"Someone mind clueing me in here?" Will piped up and you chuckled wetly.

"They're having a girl." Ben replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Shit, that's awesome!" Will cheered as he stood up to hug you both "Congratulations."

"This is great news baby." Mary cooed as she kissed Frankie sweetly "I knew that's what you wanted."

For some reason. The fact she knew he wanted a girl before you made you want to scream. This was supposed to be your journey to share with him. Yet you knew you had no right to be jealous of her.

Frank had offered himself to you and you had rejected him.

You didn't even feel like that for him.

"Ugh… This little princess is using my bladder as a trampoline." You pipped up as you pushed yourself to your feet "Back in a few."

With that, you made your momentary escape. Desperate to get away from the happy couple for a while. After relieving yourself, you snuck outside for a moment. Needing another few minutes before rejoining your party. You breathed in the crisp evening air and willed the tears that threatened to spill.

"Titch?"

Frankie's voice made you jump and your hand grasped your chest as you willed your heart to slow.

"Jesus Frank." You grumbled, "Nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Sorry." He replied, "You okay?"

"Mhmm." You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak.

"Titch… What's wrong."

"Nothing I just…" You sniffed as you tried to pull yourself together "I just wasn't expecting you to bring her tonight of all nights."

"Why are you crying?" You growled at his question, not wanting to answer it but knowing he wouldn't drop it if you didn't "Titch?"

"Seeing her with you hurts!" You growled "There! Ya, happy? Seeing you with her has made me sad and I don't understand why."

"Titch-"

"I just hate the idea of you being together… This is supposed to be our journey and then I learn that she knew you wanted a girl before I did and…"

"You had your chance to share this journey with me Titch." He stated plainly and you nodded, knocking the traitorous tears loose.

"I know that." You growled "I just… I don't understand what I'm feeling right now."

"Come inside." You nodded, following him in wordlessly and rejoining the rest of the party.

"Everything okay Titch?" Ben asked when he noticed your eyes were red.

"Yeah… Just these damn baby hormones getting the better of me." You chuckled, leaning into him in a way you hoped would be reassuring.

"Man, those steaks look incredible." Will piped up as he eyes the food that had been delivered to the table across from yours.

"Fuck I miss steak." Frankie grumbled.

"Can't have it at all?" Ben asked, his voice taking on a sympathetic tone.

"Doc said to avoid it. I guess a steak once in a while won't kill me." Fish shrugged "I guess that's what you get for fucking up your heart with drugs." He joked, trying to lighten the tone.

"We all turned to shitty methods to cope man." Will said, remembering his own poor choices after he'd gotten out "Maybe save the steak treat for your birthday though."

"Sounds like a plan!" Mary agreed and she wrapped her arm around his and pulled him close "Your heart may be delicate baby… but you aren't where it counts." She finished with a wink, grinning at the growl this elicited from her boyfriend.

"Gross." Ben groaned, earning himself the finger from the happy couple.

"I should get going." You said suddenly, rubbing your belly and feigning a yawn "Baby is draining me, body and soul."

"Awe." Ben pouted, earning a kiss on the cheek from you.

"Night everyone."

You said your goodbyes and left. Glad to escape. You didn't understand why seeing Frankie and Mary together hurt so much. You should be happy that he found someone. He deserved to be happy and yet you found you couldn't be.

Then it dawned on you as you put your car in park.

"I have feelings for Frank!"

Next

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[givemeonereason]

What Have You Done to Me? Part 2

Part one

Photo credit: Pinterest

Rating: +18 Spicy, caliente, delicous

Plot: Being around Kento was becoming hard. What has he done to you? Or better yet, what will he do?

A/n: Not going to lie. I have been dreaming about something like this since I was in college. I have wanted nothing more than to have a steamy interaction with someone in the stacks of a library. Dark academia really has such a sensual side to it. So many aspects to explore. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it

╒══════════════════════╕

It was hard being around after that. The way the guys kept teasing him. The way they teased you both for letting him stay with you. The way your cheeks stung with heat whenever anyone brought him up.

There are only so many people who attend Jujutsu High.

And unfortunately, only so many places where you just might run into him.

You knew that Kento and yourself are very similar. Your work ethic, your morals, staying out of the usual nonsense. That's probably why you stick up for him. Why you choose to go against the grain when they torment him.

It's mainly because you genuinely enjoyed being around him. You loved his strong silent type vibe he puts off. He's serious only when he needs to be. His indifference in all situations that keeps him levelheaded. And that might put others off, but you have come to like that about him. It means he's not going to mess around with your feelings. Unlike, others.....

Nanami was sitting at a table in the library when you walked in. Your own books heavy in your arms as you looked for a place to study.

The room itself a long corridor, quiet enough to hear a pin drop. What you thought were soft footsteps still echoed against the bookshelves and tile floor.

Ken turned when he picked up on the sound growing louder, coming towards him. "Oh, hello." He smiled small, the corners of his lips curling.

“Hi.” You smiled sweetly back.

"You're welcome to join me if you'd like." He pointed towards the opposite side of the table which was empty.

"You sure?" You put your books and bag down when he nodded. "Thank you. I'll be super quiet. I've got a test coming up."

He's flipping through a book, not meeting your eyes. "It's no problem at all." Then he looked up after he found the page he was looking for. "I've got a report I need to work on."

His eyes.

How did you not notice the warm chestnut tone before?

You felt yourself blushing so you busied yourself with opening your own notebooks, hoping he wouldn't notice.

He's way too serious to notice, right?

He wouldn't even think that I'm sure.

Try as you may, you weren't able to focus. The content itself was a lot, but then again so we he.

DISTRACTING!

You noticed the small things. The way his blond hair fell down into his face when he concentrated enough. The way he rolled his pen between his long, slim fingers.

It's too much.

Nanami, what have you done to me?

You faceplanted straight down onto your textbook, which roused him from his notes. He laughed seeing you helplessly unmoving between the pages of your textbook. “Are you okay?”

Your voice was muffled from your nose being squashed against the pages. “Yeah, it’s just this advanced domain stuff is making my brain cheese."

You lied.

Kento put his pen down, got up from his seat, and walked over to your side, one hand leaning on the table, the other on the back of your chair. “Let me help you.”

No! No! No!

You can feel his warmth against your arm. You could smell his cologne. It was an enticing mix of Jasmine and Cedarwood. It made your skin prickly with goosebumps.

Your face is still against the textbook page, now terrified to pull it away due to the obvious heat in your cheeks.

Nanami’s hand went to your shoulder. “Come on now, it can’t be that bad.”

Muffled still by your squashed nose against the book. “Oh, it’s definitely hard.”

“So she says…”

Did he really just make a ‘that’s what she said’ joke?

You heard his light chuckle in your ear at his own resolve.

And you could just dissolve into the carpet now if you had the sheer willpower to.

“Let me get up and walk around. That might help me clear my mind.” He pulled away from you at your suggestion.

“Good idea. I’ll watch over your things until you get back.”

You shuffled away from him, pushing the lever of the door handle a little too hard, the door swinging and bouncing against the adjoining wall. "Oops..."

You walked down the hall towards the water fountain, splashed cold water over your face in the girl's bathroom, taking deep breaths at a nearby open window.

You did this to yourself by thinking just a little too hard about a boy and now you’ve got to get yourself out of it.

Just walk in there and tell him you need some space from him.

You can be honest. You do need space. It’s no big deal.

He's going to have no idea what the hell you need space for. He's not going to know all these cursed feelings you have right now about him.

But then again, you don't want to be rude. You don't want to see as if you dislike him in any way. You just need space to be able to breathe without your heart pounding in your chest ready to send you to an early grave. Like being a sorcerer isn't a death wish already...

Just talking to him in theory is good and all, but when you’re standing face to face with him you can’t seem to get the words out.

I need some space from you right now.

I want want to touch you.

No.

Hey Ken, maybe I should study somewhere else. Yeah, I can do that.

I just want to taste your lips.

NO.

Okay, so actions then, not words. Get your things and leave.

You start to walk past him, but when he reaches out to stop you with an arm stretched out, you grab the blue polyester of his standard Jujutsu High uniform jacket, pull him towards you, and firmly pressed your lips against his.

Taste.

Just a taste.

The kiss was somewhat chaste as well as kisses go.

You pulled away without looking him in the eyes and walked around to the side of the table with all your books and notebooks. You hurried to try and grab your things, but his hand stopped you from fumbling over your notes.

He pulls you against his body, taking your cheek into his hand and kissing you. It was a deep kiss, one that you melted into. It left you breathless when your lips parted.

Kento was smiling down at you, his eyes soft. “If that’s what you wanted, you could have just asked me.”

You were still taking small breaths, but you kept eye contact this time.

Those brown eyes.

You swallowed. “I don’t think I knew I wanted that until this very moment.”

He was moving back down towards your mouth, ghosting his lips over yours. “Do you want me to kiss you again?”

You reached up, wrapping your hand around the nape of his neck, pulling him fully against your lips once more. You mewled when his hands smoothed down the curve of your back and inhaled sharply when he bit your lip. “Ken…” you plead, breathy between kisses. You weren’t really sure what you were pleading for, just him. More of Nanami.

He picked you up onto the table where you had your books and notebooks and set you down. His kisses are hot and bruising. You moan into his mouth, "Ken..."

He chuckles. "What?" Breaking from your lips and kissing your cheek to the soft spot behind your ear, down your neck and licked your collarbone. You tried to cover your whimper pressing your lips together, gripping at his uniform jacket. "Tell me what you want me to do."

You pull him to your mouth again. Your tongue reaching out and tasting him. "I......" He grabbed at your behind pulling you flush against his waist.

You snap out of it for a moment. Pulling away from his chest, looking seriously. "What has gotten into you?" He's looking at you with surprised eyes. "Huh?"

Your fingers run over the seam of his jacket. "You're so cool and collected. You don't care about anything, in fact, I think you hate everything. You keep people an arm's length away. Yet..." You reach up to touch his cheek. "You're here with me."

Kento smiles and lets out a sigh. He runs his fingers through his hair. "You are partially correct." He stepped away from you. The cold breeze from the nearby vent made itself known. "I tolerate most things because I have to. You on the other hand, I don't need to tolerate you to be around you." He turned to you with the sweetest smile you've ever seen on his face. "In other words, I like being around you. In fact, I prefer being around you. I just have to tolerate others due to sorcery circumstances."

He reached out a hand for you to grab. He pulled you to your feet and close to him. The warmth returning, enveloping you. "I try to be a gentleman. I didn't want to push anything on you. But you kissed me first. Now, how can I resist you?"

Shit.

But you want this though.

"Oh.." is all you could get out before he pulled you towards the bookshelves and pushed you against them. His forearm braced on a shelf above your head, leaning down until you can feel his breath on your face. "You know, we are in a library. We don't want to make a scene or be too loud. Someone might show up." He tilted your chin up so that your noses brushed. His voice was soft and rugged. "Can you keep quiet for me?"

Your breath catches in your throat. Your heart is beating so hard, you can hear the ringing in your ears. "Hmmmm? He asks, waiting for an answer.

You nod your head and he kisses your lips. His hand reaches down and under your skirt and runs his fingers over the soaked bit of your panties. His touch making you cry out. He pulls his hand away. "What did I tell you?"

Ken reached down again pulling your panties to the side, running his fingers along your slit. “You’re so wet already." He's running circles over your swollen clit. "So, minimal effort here. Just a little stretch first."

You're writhing from his touch. His fingers plunge down into your core feeling your tight walls around clench around them. You were trying so hard to be quiet, clenching your teeth and pushing your face into his shoulder to muffle your moan.

"Good girl." His voice in your ear sent a shiver back down to his fingers inside you, as you tried to clamp your legs shut. His tongue clicked against his teeth. He kissed and bit at the side of your neck where he whispered back into your ear. "Just a little while longer." Three fingers curling deliciously where you need them to be. "I know you can do it."

Your whole body is tense as he pushes you towards your orgasm. But the closer you got the more you fought against it; clenching your legs, loud whimpers, and your own hands gripping and pulling on his jacket.

"I warned you." With his unoccupied hand, he grabbed both of your wrists and pinned them over your head. The sting of pressure against the hardwood shelves causes you to wince. A swipe of his shoe against yours opened your legs wider for him. The curl of his fingers quickened their assault on your softest parts. His thumb making work of your clit. And when you cried out a moan, he kissed you deep enough to quiet you in your release.

Nanami let your sweet nectar coat his fingers before he brought them to his mouth. He licked from the base of his finger to the tip, savoring the sensation on his taste buds. "Mmmmm, baby." Then placed them fully into his mouth sucking them clean. "Next time I want it all," he said, licking his lips.

He looked around the tight space you were confined in. "Hmmm, I need something sturdy. I can't have you hitting your head on these shelves." He walked to the end of the book stack looking around the side and disappearing momentarily, returning with a medium-sized corner desk. He pushed down on the wood, trying to sway it back and forth. "This should do." He looked over to you. "What do you think sweetheart?"

You were trying to regain your strength. Your knees were weak and luckily your breathing became regular. You didn't answer him or protest when he guided you to the desk he meticulously placed in the corridor. He gently pushed you down against the surface, your hands forward to stop you from hitting your face. You hear the jingle of his belt when he unfastened the clasp.

Your cheek rests softly against the lacquered surface of the desk. You're too tired to try at this point and admittedly, you wanted this. You wanted to feel him inside of you. To make you come again and again. To start a new habit of rendezvousing to corners where he can fuck you until your voice is too strained to speak. Your body sore from the impact. Your eyes drunk with insurmountable lust.

Nanami rubbed the head of his cock over your folds. You heard his breath catch. "You're so soft and warm already." He nudged the tip against your entrance, pushing a small portion of his length inside of you. He couldn't stop a moan from escaping his mouth. "Yes....Yes, you're perfect." He pulled back his hips and then pushed deeper inside. "So incredibly perfect for me."

Your hands reach out to the edges of the desk and hold onto them for support as your body pushes forward with every thrust. You tried your hardest to not moan, so soft mewling behind tightly shut eyes and pressed lips was what you could muster.

Deeper and deeper, harder and harder. Pausing for a moment when your pussy engulfed his entire length. A deep rumble from his chest.

"Nana....." You whined. You're walls gripping onto him.

He's so big......so big.

He chuckled. "What?" His hands massaged the soft flesh of your ass. "Do you want me to continue?"

You wiggled your bottom a little, but he firmly grabbed it and held you in place. "If you want more, you need to ask me."

You turned your cheek back toward him. He leaned down, moving the hair from your neck so he could kiss your sensitive skin. "Ken, please....please I want more."

"More?" Teasing you, speaking so sweetly into your ear.

You pouted, trying to push back against him, his weight on you not providing much movement. "Alright, alright." He started a delicious rhythm, the desk shaking below you, a forgotten pencil rolling about in the interior drawer like a soothing wave.

Whenever he sped up, his grunting became louder. "Ken, you're so loud." He was loudly whispering through his grunts. "I'm trying to be quiet sweetheart, but you feel so fucking good."

He slowed himself down to try and muffle his audible pleasure, but the back build would take over and he would thrust wildly, threatening to send you over the edge and not just the desk's edge.

After several attempts to hush his moaning and grunting, the ups and downs of peaking pleasure, he'd had enough. Enough pleasantries, enough trying to keep to library ethics. If he kept this up, neither of you would finish. You both would be miserable. And nothing would make him as grumpy as blocking himself of his own release. What is started must be finished, no matter what, even if noisy...

He pulled himself out from you and gently picked you up and carried you to the table where all of the books and notebooks remained. He set you down on the edge. Nimbly, he unfastened the buttons on his jacket and pulled it from his arms. When Kento pushed you to lay down he placed his jacket under your head to protect you from injuring yourself. With the way he knew he would be pounding into you, it would surely be cause for a clonk on the head.

“Common place rules are out the window. I’m tired of trying to fuck you and keep quiet about it. If someone hears us, let them.” He slammed his cock all the way back into you making you scream out. “That’s it,” he said through his loud moan. The sound of him letting go, the ring of voice going straight down into your core. The one he was driving into so fervently.

Ken and you both writhing and swaying in eager harmony. Your hands reaching out to hold onto his wrists at your waist, your back arched with overwhelming pressure. His head thrown back, the tight grip on your hips, his fingers digging in. The chorus of pleasure leaving your lips, echoing against the shelved walls on either side of you both. A loose textbook falling onto the floor with a clatter when Nanami pulled himself out of you with such grief, spilling onto your thigh. He wanted nothing more than to succumb to that sweet, small death inside of you, and pulling away felt like a loss. But seeing your own slick pour from you gave him great pride.

He reached out a finger and swiped it against your folds, gathering juices around the tip of his finger. He pulled you into an upward sitting position, an arm around your waist, the other gently pushing your lips open. “Taste it. If I do, I’ll just want more.”

You opened your mouth for his finger to enter, sucking gently on it. “See how good you are? How good you taste. You made such a pretty mess.” He looked around at the previously abandoned desk, the papers and books strewn all over on the floor that were so carefully organized at the table you once studied at. “So we did make a scene?”

But you were looking at him. His white button up shirt unkempt. The way his shoulders shrugged forward. His hair sticking to dried sweat on his forehead. The calm in his serious eyes. The overly reddened tint of his lips.

He’s so handsome when he’s like this. When he vulnerable.

You’re probably the only one to actually see him in that state.

You laughed.

He turned to you surprised.

You kept laughing. Your cheeks were red hot.

“What is it now?” He couldn’t help but smile at how he admired your cute laugh.

You pushed yourself off of the table and grabbed the tissue box sitting on a small table at the endcap of the shelf by the main walkway.

“I was just thinking about how the guys were making fun of us being in a situation like this.” You cleaned yourself to the best of your abilities and straightened your uniform. “However, I believe they would be way too full of themselves to truly believe this actually happened.” You began picking up papers and putting them into your bag. “I wonder if they would stop teasing you if they only knew how well you fucked me?” You looked back and smiled towards him as he made himself presentable.

A tsk coming from him as he helped you pick up the important study material from the ground. “Yeah right. Do you think those special grade oafs would ever stop their tormenting?”

You laughed, trying to cover the sound. Second nature decorum taking root again, trying to be quiet in a common area. Not moments before Nanami’s name booming from your lips, over and over and over and over.

“Yu, maybe he would be okay.” He smiled to himself. “He’s not exactly like them. I think he just tries to act cool around the upperclassmen to fit in. We’re actually pretty close.”

You admired the way he smiled and meant it. His vulnerability shining through. Though it was fleeting when he grabbed the rest of his things in his arms. His stature taut, his shoulders tense, his eyes serious once more.

What would I give for more of that soft side?

More fucking? Sure…

But maybe just loving as well.

I can handle that.

“We should get out of here before someone comes in or catches on.” You followed him out of the library, the door closing with a loud click into place.

“We should study again soon. I think I’m really able to grasp it when you explained it to me.”

He nodded. You caught the small smile curling at his lips. “I would be happy to help.” He turned and began walking in the opposite direction from which you stood. “Next time we need to find a more comfortable space so we can really focus on the material.” He spoke over his shoulder and waved goodbye.

You giggled to yourself.

Where would be a good place? Dorms would be too obvious and you both room next to classmates. Storage closet, that’s way too dirty and way overdone. Oh, how about the auditorium? Too much acoustics. No one uses the pool, but the chlorine, eww.

A lightbulb went on and you shook your head to snap out of your idle thoughts.

The test!

You didn’t even study for the damn test!

You were studying something else and not what you actually needed to do.

You slapped yourself in the forehead. This is why we needed space, not encroachment. Ughhhhh!

You ran down the hall towards the classrooms in a flash.

It was a worthy distraction though.

“What if I fuck him?”

Fuck.

Better yet, fucked Kento Nanami.

And sometime soon, again.

╘══════════════════════╛

© 2023 givemeonereason

Don’t steal other people’s works! Respect creators!

Reblogs and likes appreciated :)

[welcometololaland]

20 Questions aka. Oversharing on the Internet version 92840938

Thanks for the tag @rmd-writes - how did you know i didn't feel like doing work?

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

excluding the ones i've flagged for deletion (when i get around to it) - 46.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

972,000 and i'm going to hit a million by the end of the year! i have one co-written collab so we can subtract about 30k (ish) from that total (but with ALTA i'll still make a milly woohoo).

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Red, White & Royal Blue, 911 Lone Star, Top Gun Maverick (occasionally)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

ah man this kills me because it excludes my most beloved fic (love game lol). in descending order:

Speak for Yourself (RWRB, my very first fic for that fandom! 2021 me in her study writing a random 3k first chapter could never have imagined being this lucky)

The Ring-In (with @dustratcentral) (911 Lone Star, this fic makes me feel like my Tarlos writing has gotten worse instead of better lmao)

Fifty First Dates (RWRB)

(Not) A Cinderella Story (RWRB)

Cursed is a State of Mind (with @dustratcentral) (RWRB, just about to hit 1k! there's something magical about an ifyoustay collab apparently)

jeez i never realised how RWRB heavy that is...

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always. You put in the effort to comment on my work, I'm gonna put in the effort to reply to you. I appreciate comments so much, even if they're just emojis or one line or whatever. I appreciate every single one of them (except the mean ones).

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually go here, but I think it has to be Contaminated (RWRB).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99% of my fics have happy endings (except for the fic above lol) but I'd say the happiest ending is in (Un)Professional Services because they're So. In. Love. and they just *spoiler* together and they're about to *spoiler*.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Rarely and I usually ignore it or delete it (so there's no point doing it).

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

A Lot. Usually served with a heavy side of feelings - I like it when the smut drives the plot, when it helps the characters have those Oh Shit realisations. I'm also a sucker for explicit, enthusiastic consent.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have written like 30% of a RWRB/Lone Star crossover that may never see the light of day because I keep forgetting about it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, I don't know about it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I've had a few of my fics translated by incredible people! Phonography, Warm Whispers and Baby, Make Your Move have all been translated and can be found above. I'm fine with people translating my fics, so long as they're linked to the original and remain on ao3.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes and I love it. I want to do it more often! @rmd-writes collab was an amazing experience. i've also loved working with @dustratcentral on so many of my more unhinged works.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I don't think I can choose between Alex/Henry and TK/Carlos.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Probably that damn crossover, unless there's like significant interest in me finishing it lmao.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Oh no. giving myself a compliment help. I would say worldbuilding. dialogue/banter. gratuitous feelings during sex.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

exposition. being concise. overwriting to the max @three-drink-amy (this is an attack on you as well but we are we).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i've done it before but to be honest i'm scared to. 1) i don't want to get it wrong. 2) i don't want to annoy my very talented friends that can speak other languages by asking them 10 billion questions lol.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

...I plead the 5th.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Love Game. I don't care that it's not as popular. it's my child. Also, ALTA (because of the many tears that went into it). We are bonded by trauma.

open tag on this one and also calling: @reyesstrand @strandnreyes @heartstringsduet @alrightbuckaroo @three-drink-amy @goodways @iboatedhere @wandering-night19 @birdclowns @liminalmemories21 @indomitable-love @clottedcreamfudge @sherryvalli @cha-melodius @cricketnationrise @carlos-in-glasses @bonheur-cafe @theghostofashton @orchidscript @lemonlyman-dotcom @kiwiana-writes @freneticfloetry @sunshinestrand @nelsonnicholas @tailoredshirt @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @lightningboltreader @hippolotamus @dumbpeachjuice @tellmegoodbye @ladytessa74 @louisii-reyes-strand @beautifulhigh @athousandrooms @villiageidiot @inflarescent @marjansmarwani @safeashousespdf @tintagel-or-cockleshells @sanjuwrites @lilythesilly @kiloskywalker @noxsoulmate

[spnfanficpond]

New Member Spotlight - September/October 2023

The Pond is always growing and we want to make our new members feel welcome! Here’s a list of recent additions to our fishy family, along with a little info about them!

Guppies, Jellies, and Mutuals, oh, my!

@inenochian -

Other SM names? - InEnochian on AO3 and Discord

OTP? - Destiel

Other fandoms? - Merlin

Looking for in the Pond? - Prompts, connections, advice, collaboration, also fic recs and to let more people know about things I've posted.

Pairings you read? - Destiel

Genres you read? - I like canon fics but LOVE historical AUs. Happy endings are a must but angst fluff and pining are wonderful. Omegaverse is great! Smut is good as long as there is plot.

Favorite writer(s)? - This is hard. IntotheSilentLand & UnicornPoe for the way they paint soft angsty pictures with words, Anryrei and Queerwerewolf for hot smut and great plot, sometimeswelose for amazing Dean Winchester angst, there are others - I can't decide!

What do you like to write? - Historical AUs, fixits, AUs in general

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - the light paints kisses on his skin.

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - Omegaverse - I'm just nervous about it. Also present tense writing - I like to read it but it's hard to write. Not sure how anyone can help but when I'm ready I'll def reach out!

@dragonardhill -

Other SM names? - dragonardhill on AO3

OTP? - Wincest

Looking for in the Pond? - Just interested in the community and positivity of interacting with others who enjoy fanfic.

Pairings you read? - Dean/Sam, J2, Dean/Sam/Jack

Genres you read? - All of the above. I read 4-5 fics, sometimes more every day lol

Favorite writer(s)? - too many to choose one!

What do you like to write? - I write very little to be honest but would like to get back into it. I got on a sam/dean/jack PWP kick during later SPN seasons - mostly due to prompts and relationships with a couple other fans. That’s most of what is on my AO3 works but Sam/Dean is my OTP.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - Again, there’s not much to choose from and I only write PWP! This isn’t really underappreciated but it’s super short and my fave. Warning for underage weecest. These Tornadoes Are For You

@pizzagirlxnsfwx - This new member is cool and mysterious like Rowena, but without the witchy spells. We think. No guarantees.

@thepromiscuousduck -

Other SM names? - Promiscuous_Duck (AO3)

OTP? - Destiel

Looking for in the Pond? - I want to meet like-minded people, maybe make some friends, and get more readership for the series that's kicking my ass. lol

Pairings you read? - Any combination of Team Freewill 2.0, along with original characters or side cannon characters, so long as Dean, Sam, Cas, and/or Jack are involved. This includes Wincest.

Genres you read? - I'll read just about anything, but angst needs to have a happy ending for me. It's my escape, I don't want to be left crying lol. I have a weak spot for the coffee shop trope. It can't be overdone!

What do you like to write? - Happy, fluffy AU with some drama. Right now, that with a lot of smut and incest.

Masterlist!

@annahmiraculousmillenium -

Other SM names? - A-nah on AO3, mimiaou on Discord

OTP? - Wincestiel

Other fandoms? - Miraculous and Yu-Gi-Oh!

Looking for in the Pond? - I just wanted to read about how people in fandom help each other make art.

Pairings you read? - Oc insert and the oc have to be really interesting. Ship: Wincestiel!!!! Poly fic : Hell yeah!

Genres you read? - Angst, smut, crack,fluff,hurt/comfort, happy ending, open ending(hopeful ending) Tropes: time travel, time travel fix it, bodyswap, sharing a body (mouah! One of my favorites), slow burn (it's Soo worth it), identity crisis, identity reveal, reverse-verse AU

Favorite writer(s)? - Not yet!

What do you like to write? - Dialogue heavy fics, whenever I get to writing them.

@lunaroserites -

Other SM names? - @gattinachyann (Twitter) and Lunaroserites (AO3)

Other fandoms? - Marvel, The Boys, Attack on Titan, My Hero Academia, Demon Slayer, Gotham Knights (CW Show), and many more.

Looking for in the Pond? - Friends, other authors, more things to read

Pairings you read? - Reader Insert mostly, some OFC. I’ve been into Castiel and Dean fics but I’ll read just about anything from Supernatural!

Genres you read? - All the above? Fav tropes are only one bed, sweetheart (derogatory) to sweetheart (affectionate) or enemies to lovers, touch and you die, grumpy character/sunshine character. I also adore Soulmate AUs and most other AUs!

What do you like to write? - Fluff. I’ve been in a real Castiel kick lately lol. I like to write happy stuff, very little angst. I enjoy tooth-rotting fluff.

Masterlist!

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - I love AU but can’t seem to write them well, so world-building tips would be helpful!

@the-family-business67 -

Other fandoms? - Marvel

Looking for in the Pond? - To grow my audience

Pairings you read? - I read reader inserts, mostly Dean or Jensen x reader, but also Sam and Jared

Genres you read? - pretty much all, love abo and soulmate stories

Favorite writer(s)? - @luci-in-trenchcoats who has so many amazing stories and encourages me to share my own work and @jawritter who brought me to Tumblr in the first place.

What do you like to write? - What ever inspiration strikes. Mostly Dean or Jensen x reader with a few Sam or Jared x Reader.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - Love Again

That's all for this month, folks! (If we're missing anyone, let us know and we'll add them to next month's list!) Make sure to say hi to the newbies and make them feel welcome! Thanks to all from @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @thoughtslikeaminefield, @katbratsupernaturalwhore and @heavenssexiestangel!

[corvuscorona]

STATUS REPORT:

AFM sequel - had some fun w/ this one over the weekend. it's like:

[ ❚_❚__||||____|||❚||❚|❚|❚❚❚ ] ← it's this many done. p.s. why won't tumblr let me use red at all what ....... dude.

Long Thing - chunk 1 (small) and chunk 2 (medium-big) have a HEAVY-DUTY outline with almost no bullshit in it now. chunk 3 (BIG) might also have that; I just haven't actually manifested it into a document yet (ran out of sunday). chunk 4 (medium-big again) has the makings of Real Outlineability as well but it'll probably fight me more when I start actually trying to make it real. chunk 5 (medium?) is slowly orbiting closer and closer to me in my dreams. 6 (???) and 7 (small) are phantoms still; don't rush them. they're shy.

Highly E-Rated Thing - haven't worked on it because the 2 above projects are so Perfectly Balanced. it will choose its moment.

AFM chapter 5 - similarly it will choose its moment. for instance a moment when I am like way too full of beans & need something to put a lot of brain thoughts into.

I may not have anything specific to contribute to Jackstos June or most likely Jackstos July either but everyone else has been BRINGING IT so hey. *offers a gay little applause that pisses you off*.

next: I'm gonna talk to myself below the cut I'm thinking about THE PROCESS.

*elaborates on Long Fucking Thing some more because that's what I use like 3/4 of my brain for all the time now* it's interesting to see plot arcs shape up / to have a way to really consciously note "this part still might need This kind of thing," for reasons:

because both the story & the way I'm working on it are nonlinear, sometimes the note I'm making is "if you haven't established that Event A happened by this point, the scene that has to go here for thematic coherency reasons will not make. logical sense" (genuinely very funny thing to have to consider)

a LOT of the places where I currently have "uh think harder about this later" types of notes are like. have directly to do w/ Facts And Lore that are tangential to the story but critical to the worldbuilding (which REALLY makes them NOT tangential to the story. they're formative and important it's just that I have to Decide Them backwards to make sure they're forming the story elements in the direction I already want those to be going)

I'm realizing by thinking about the Process in this way that this is all very related to the Reasons the latter half of the fic is still pretty up in the air. It works like this okay bear with me:

I start with emotional beats I find compelling. Then I string together facts and events that make them important + create a compelling narrative arcs-and-themes-ways. Then I retroactively define the worldstate and LoreFacts based on "what would make this string of happenings happen in a way that isn't stupid". (I Am Currently Here). As the World Facts become more rigidly defined, I run into "things I should either address or change an existing Something to avoid addressing," and like this the places where there aren't currently things like "scenes" or "concrete events" gradually get filled in.

The concrete Things That Need To Happen in the final 3 chunks of this fic depend so heavily on the WORLDSTATE that it's been impossible to generate most of them up until now. I have to finish (~) defining Facts (based on the emotional beats I already know how I'll be covering in the first half of the story) before I can get my gay little fingers in there and start tying things into cute little bows. THIS MAKES A SHOCKING AMOUNT OF SENSE SOMEHOW I'M so used to writing smedium-length things where half the time I write the VERY end first because that's where ALL the emotional payoff lives.

NOT SO THIS TIME. THERE IS EMOTIONAL PAYOFF ALL OVER THE FIRST HALF OF THIS THING & it would probably be difficult and inadvisable to do a whole lot more with the second half before I make sure I know what shrimplications I'm shrimplying based on (checks my watch for some reason) like 3 entire Structural Plot Arcs of Gay BullShit. huh.

[seyaryminamoto]

These latest chapters have been pure brilliance. Azula stealing Rei was also really funny. Azula should someday invent the Avatar world's version of Child Protective Services, I know its not quite the same thing here, but near enough. I'd fallen behind so reading all the latest chapies in two sittings was a pleasure. I even had to remember I had a legit account here, I almost messaged as an anon again. Well, now for one of my usual random questions. What's your top 5 favorite OCs to write?

X'D glad you've enjoyed the chaos! While Part 3 starts out in such a heavy way, I feel like it hits its stride pretty quickly (probably because I really didn't want to drag out the hopeless misery any longer than necessary...). Rei provided a wonderful change of pace in Azula's story, the impact she's had on Azula is always lots of fun to write, and the development of that bond never fails to make me happy. I went out of my way to make a meme about it, some time ago...

Azula creating a Child Protective Services system sounds like something no one in the world would imagine Azula would do, not even Azula herself... and yet it sounds like a legitimate possibility as things stand x'D

As for your question... favorite OCs? Ooh boy...

Well, I think Rei would be #1 right now. She's just gold without even knowing it. I don't know how she won over my heart as fast as she did, but she just did. That's her secret superpower, I suspect. She's a really good remedy for all the hardships we've been dealing with, and giving Azula another unique bond with a character is always great <3

Xin Long is probably #2, though writing him as of late makes my heart hurt for obvious reasons... but he was always crazy fun to write. Writing his draconic monologues cracked me up every time, he's wonderfully chaotic and straightforward, writing this dork was always gratifying.

Might be sad that he'd be so low, but our #3 is Rui Shi... oh, Rui Shi. Don't we all miss our good man Rui Shi. *wipes tear*

I'll bestow #4 to Kino and I hope he takes the spot with pride, he's really fun to write too. It can be tricky sometimes to choose what to do with him, I really don't want Kino to feel redundant, or too comic relief, but we'll give him more chances to shine in the future for sure. He's great at easing up many heavy atmospheres, gotta love our reckless Fire Nation army deserter for that.

... I'm gonna go on an impulsive one right now and give an answer that might sound really weird right now to close up my top 5: my #5 is Anorak. Yep. That's who. Why? I think it will become clear relatively soon... though not too soon. To be 100% honest, I didn't even think I'd care about this character remotely as much as I've grown to... but a plot twist I devised for him recently has changed things, big time. I have a surprisingly large soft spot in my heart for this guy, crazy as it might be.

As for runner-ups... I feel bad for leaving him out of a top 5, but Renkai probably would have been right after Anorak, at least! The Priestess of the Flames is also an important one to mention because, as much as she's not a character we've seen often... she's basically one of my old OCs from my original stories, repurposed for Gladiator xD so I have a soft spot for her too and always enjoy writing her. I also reeeeally love Mei Xun, she's a very interesting character to work with. Naturally, all of Azula's guards deserve credit here, they're such a loveable group even though I didn't really set out with the intent of making them loveable x'D Seethus is also quite interesting to write, but unfortunately Ozai isn't giving him enough material to work with lately. More things to begrudge him for, I guess (?)

Anyway, hope that's a decent list :D

[anonofseasons]

Just some thoughts/worries about Seasons.

I write for myself, and I know I can't please everyone so the only person my writing needs to focus on pleasing is me. But that doesn't stop me from being a little bummed out that recent posted chapters have mostly only resulted in dropped subs and even bookmarks, and I'm rarely getting any comments. Which is feeding an internal worry that it's a mess? I know my writing is good, mind, but being decent and working hard at writing doesn't mean I'm perfect. What if there are inconsistencies I'm not seeing? (As for the quality, I damn well know it can fluctuate, no matter how hard I work at it. Some scenes come easier than others. I've had to accept that about my writing.) I also anticipated lost interest early on, which is why I have been posting like 20+ chapters behind what has already been written. I saw comments hoping for Vivian to die/Howie to never go back, others hoping the fathers would redeem themselves. I'm sort of ambling in the middle, because the fathers are trying, but not hard enough. Meanwhile, Howie is unhappy going back. Not to get too personal, but I've been promised a lot of "for the better" changes by family and partners, and they may want to change, but they're unwilling to ever put the work forward. (I'm actually about to be single again for this very reason.) As a kid, this meant I just kept suffering. It's unrealistic to me that anyone would reach betterment easily, especially Vivian. It's not impossible! This is fiction, after all, but... I'm out to write characters with depth, not rush a plot forward. That's how I opt to write, and that's not for everyone. (And that's okay. Again, it's for me.) I think my actual concern here is that I've been looking at how long these conversations between this family are, and how many chapters they take up, and it's fair to be bored of it. That's a part I agonized over before I shared, and I worry that doubt came through even after all the heavy editing I did to fix it. I love writing, but that doesn't make it less hard to do. There are always parts of stories that are trickier than others? I just hate that I'm letting my self-doubt creep up on me. I've been putting that further and further behind me as I've gotten older, but I've always tried to write what I want. I've had way too many people try to tell me what I should and shouldn't write. The only person anyone should ever write for is themselves. Who do you choose to please, if pleasing other people is the goal? That said, I think criticism has its place, and this is very much one of those situations where I worry I've fumbled on the delivery. Like maybe there's something I could have done better? I'm still having fun writing Seasons and everything else I work on, but I have one confession to make about all of this: it's so much easier to write than it is to share that writing. Haha. Seasons has 56 chapters and counting, and I expect fluctuating numbers and interest, as all stories tend to have. I know that experience as a reader! I'm just having one of those self-doubt moments, but it's more a worry of, "What could I be doing better?" It's that desire to always give my best, even if the story isn't monetized. (Fuck, honestly? Most of my work is collecting dust. I have tons of finished stories that I haven't posted or published at all. Those are between me, my hard drives, and the one friend I send my backups to in case of my death.) Sorry for whining a bit here. I'll be okay! Just have seen Seasons subs drop since mid-January and have wondered if there's an issue that needs fixed or just merely the nature of writing. It could easily be both. I have no idea. It's a strange state of mind. :')

[geminai-ramblez]

MHA x KNY AU IDEA

Okay! OKAY! HEAVY WARNING! ⚠️HEAVY ANGST, I REPEAT HEAVY ANGST!⚠️

Okay, anyways - this story came up so suddenly today I had to share it! So, we all know this fanfiction tropes of Izuku being a reincarnation of a pillar or someone else in Demon Slayer, right? (Now, I sound stupid of course we know-) I can't get this idea out so I'll give you all the gist of it!

What if Izuku was the reincarnation of multiple people at the same time? More specifically - what we dub as the Kamaboko Squad? >:)

Kamaboko Squad:

Agatsuma Zenitsu

Hashibira Inosuke

Kamado Tanjiro

Kamado Nezuko

Tsuyuri Kanao

Shinazugawa Genya

PLOT POINTS TO HELP BETTER UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING:

Izuku's past lives don't come right away, they're slow to come but he knows he feels them. He sees his past self.

He picks up multiple nicks and nacks because of the multiple people that "live" inside him.

An example would be Izuku picking up a coin to make his decisions (Kanao), how he'll sometimes have so much energy he sometimes [purposely] asks for a fight (Inosuke), bawl his eyes out because of something terrifying (Zenitsu) and so on.

Izuku gets what he calls "Heightened Senses" where he can see, feel, taste, smell, hear, and intuition far better than anyone else. (No, it's not a quirk, he was naturally born with these.)

He remains quirkless in this AU.

Izuku once he remembers who he was - who they were - sobs because a major theme in this AU is self identity.

Izuku hosts six people inside his soul, no this doesn't follow DID, Izuku is those people which leads him to question Who is he? "Who am I?"

As any reincarnation story Midoriya Izuku is a hero hopeful, wants to save people with a smile, and will do anything to help those he cares about even if at the beginning everyone got on the wrong foot.

However he is also Tsuyuri Kanao, Shinazugawa Genya, Kamado Nezuko, Kamado Tanjiro, Hashibira Inosuke, and Agatsuma Zenitsu; they knew pain, they knew how to kill, they knew lessons that in modern times wouldn't be acceptable for people as young as them.

Yet they live.

They live and share one body, mind, and soul.

This story idea won't be happy. It will take so long for them, for Izuku, to understand that it's okay to not know who they are, what they are. That it's fine that he will probably never feel like himself again.

Mixing the new with the old will forever be okay because they are living, they are alive, and they can live no matter whatever they choose.

I also plan to add demons in this AU and I wonder if I should add the mark curse if you know what I mean. But I'm getting too far this is what I just have as this is a "WIP."

Also, I like to think Class 1-A and the UA Stuff will learn to be protective? About them? Like a found-family trope! I love those and they, especially Izuku, deserve it! That's all I have for now. :'D

Do I want to write about it? Hell yeah.

Can you use this idea? Yeah, sure as long as you credit.

The ending? Probably a hopeful ending because I can't see a happy ending - not fully - but I can't see a bad ending - they don't need more pain. So, to give me a benefit of the doubt I will say the ending of this AU will be hopeful.

Anyways that's all I have, bye-bye! Back into the void I go! >:D

[darlingandmreames]

2, 7, 12, 46, 63 for fanfic writer ask!

Thanks for the ask @grexigone ^-^

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

A bit of both? 😅 I plan them now a lot more than I used to (I used to do zero planning lol) but it's still just a very basic outline. I'll usually try and figure out what story beat I want the chapter to end on and then for each scene within the chapter I'll try to map out the POV and the major story point(s) happening. It's not uncommon to see POV ??? [plot point] or POV [character] ??? for surprisingly far into the writing process though 😅

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

I like to alternate! Usually I'll have one or two scenes in a particular chapter that I know I want to be from a particular viewpoint, and then I'll build out from there. If I have more than two POVs, I like to have all of them at least once in the chapter. For example, in my The Batman fic, the primary POVs are Bruce and Martinez but I also make sure to always have an Alfred POV scene in each chapter too

12. How does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

It's admittedly pretty disheartening when I don't receive feedback, if I'm being honest. My fics tend to be on the longer side (I have multiple in the 40-60k range) and spending so much time and effort and creative love to make something only for it to be largely ignored....feels kinda shitty, ya know? My primary pairing is in a really wonderful and supportive fandom, but it's also a fandom that was around for about a decade before I joined, so sometimes it feels like I'm just...yeeting labours of love out into a space where the Favourites have already been long decided. Idk, I have complicated feelings about it sometimes

On a brighter note though, I've received some truly wonderful and kind comments on my fics that I go back and read sometimes when I'm feeling down. I also especially appreciate people who still leave comments on my older, unfinished fics saying they understand the story may never be finished but that they love what's there. It's such a beautiful and kind sentiment, and it always makes me smile. (And I have at least one unfinished fic that I SWEAR TO GOD I'm going to finish one of these days lol)

(my favourite comment I've ever received was someone who said they loved my story so much it made them happy stim and I just 🥺❤️)

46. How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

My stories tend to be pretty character/emotion-driven! Even in some of my more plot heavy ones (most notably the aforementioned The Batman fic) I still rely heavily on shifting character dynamics and emotions to keep the story energized and moving forward

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

This is more just personal preference/squick and I think "hate" is probably way too strong a word, but I don't like reading non-con/dub con/uncaring (? idk if that's the right word?) smut between my primary pairing characters. I have no issue reading scenes like that in broader stories or having them be things the pairing character(s) experience, but I don't enjoy it when that's the sort of sexual interaction the pairing characters themselves have. YMMV and more power to people who enjoy stories like that, but it's just not the sort of emotional experience I'm looking for when reading about my pairing boinking

[wishmemel]

Heyy! I saw your ask a fanfic writer post so I hope you don't mind me participating :D

5, 17, 19, 20, 39, 42, 45, & 64

[ I would've asked more, but I don't want to overwhelm you w a bunch of asks 😭]

hi hi i appreciate you going out of your way to ask ! thank u sm for this as i’ve never gotten a chance to participate in one of these before > <

5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

when it comes to playlists, i make them for my own OCs - not really for fics that i've written ! (but i have a playlist for satoru that is... still a work in progress. i'll totally share once i feel like i'm actually getting somewhere > <)

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

this is such a good question omg - had to scroll through all my unpublished wips for this, but my favourite line at the moment would be:

"IS A STORY DEEMED A TRAGEDY IF YOU TAKE BACK WHAT WAS YOURS (you can raise the dead, climb through hell, and fight the devil if you must; even the gods won’t interfere when they see a wrath like yours, harbinger. fear not, child of stars, lady midnight, the gods need not your wrath to bring about your damnation.)"

hehe this is from one of those never-ending fics that i keep in my drafts and finish two years later cause why not !

19. what are some books or authors that influenced your style the most?

rick riordan honestly altered my brain chemistry as a child. he was my favourite author for so long which is why i was a little disappointed when i grew up and read about all the cultural stereotypes in his writing :( aside from him, i know this is controversial, but i really like sarah j. maas's writing style for some reason? she focuses a lot on characters, rather than plot, and i tend to do the same, but overall i just enjoy her silly writing.

20. what is your favorite trope to write?

ahh this is such a hard one to choose from, but if i'm being honest i'm always a sucker for two characters in a relationship arguing and being really hurtful towards each other, and then later making up and being so so soft. idk if it counts as a trope, but i have countless wips of this ^.^

39. are you an avid reader?

yes ! ever since childhood ! i used to be a really shy kid and would always read while the teacher was talking until i was told multiple times to put my book away > < i'm more social now and usually only read during breaks when i don't have school to worry about !

42. describe the aesthetic of a story in 5 words.

this question confuses me a little, honestly... like one of my stories? a story i like? i'm so confused > <

since it's not very specific, i'm going to do it based off of this: JJK Men Tropes, if that's okay !

Suguru Version (cause i've been thinking of @mambalae-s recently and i'm always reminded of her love for Suguru): imprints, confessions, promises, childhood, and forever !

45. name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

it's been a while since i've read fanfic and this is more than three, i'm sorry > <

@tawus, @/beaubcxton on ao3, @/impxria on ao3, @edendaphne, and @/xoxodee on ao3 !

64. what is your favourite title for a fic you’ve read? 

honestly, any taylor swift lyrics, but also you don't even know me at all (but i was made for loving you), and What Shall I Swear By? (Swear By Yourself, and I’ll Believe You), and Say It Later, Say It Now, and i put this heavy heart in you (it's not your fault) !

i find them all so so poetic and heart-wrenching !

ask game - come say hi (i promise i don't bite ^.^)

[mysterypond]

Fic writer asks: 7, 27, 57

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

By who's story it is*. It also depends on how much I want the audience to know.

In closed third person + first person, the audience only gets to see what the character sees. So if it's important to have that limited perspective for understanding why the character thinks and behaves how they do, I will use one of those perspectives for the character.

If it's multiple people's story, I will usually trade off perspectives so the audience knows more than the characters do, usually for some dramatic irony of the situation and misunderstandings. Because at that point, you understand how both characters feel AND WHY they feel like that because you the reader know what they're lacking.

*with the sole exception of if I'm writing something where the POV character is observing the downfall of the 'more important' character. Kind of in a Gatsby sort of way, where Nick is technically the POV character but you could make an argument that the book is 'about' Gatsby.

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

My favorite part of writing is when everything starts to slot together, all the foreshadowing and plot hooks have been set and are now coming into play, and it's suddenly all making sense. Just getting to that area where it's all interconnected is good. And dialogue, I love writing dialogue and coming up with character voice.

Least favorite.... Sometimes I'll write a bunch and then realize that what I wrote isn't that good, and I'll get too finicky about it to write more, because I don't see the story as "good" so long as that part occurs, but I don't want to delete it because it feels like "negative progress", so I sit in this weird limbo of not wanting to write because the previous few paragraphs are "bad" but not wanting to delete because it "might not actually be that bad".

57. Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished? 

I'm assuming this is for more heavy editing as opposed to fixing typos. 9/10 times if I finish a piece I'm not going to "fix" anything other than typos. Once it's written I have a bad habit of just letting it sit there as truth in a sense. So if something isn't clicking, I need to catch it and delete it fast before I get to attatched to it and end up in writers limbo.

[roccinan]

I'm glad to see you answer (and no pressure at all, this particular fic has been so precious to me, I'd already made the playlist asdfjsk) You're too kind omg, I thank you for writing it in the first place, and this is just a token of my appreciation <3

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3VXYoJIvkgV2Fu4CZwrhaB?si=859c50fe23b74936

(just a warning lol idk how my taste in music differs from you, so you might not like it in which case i apologise before hand 😭 I tried to mostly pick songs that fit the feels/plot overall, some songs (nearly half to 2/3rd LOL) is kinda from Sergio POV? I hope it comes across that way atleast, and a few instrumentals that again I *hope* fit the general mood, I tried (key word - try) arranging in order of the events that happen in the fic but you can also listen on shuffle! I also apologise for how long it got, please listen to it only if you have the time/energy lol (it's also got a few nods to hc's from some of your other fics but it is primarily based on the hermanos in rain fic)

PS I understood your struggle to choose a title, I literally titled it "rain" in the beginning XD I ended up going with one of the other options to match the cover pic, hope you don't mind! I love the actual title of the fic too, it just looked too long on spotify 😅

Firstly, sorry for how very looonnngggg it took me to answer! @ everyone, this an amazing hermanos-themed playlist that perfectly captures every beat of I'd rather be dry (but at least I'm alive). Thank you so much for taking the time to make this and for sharing it with me (as you know, I 100% RACED to listen to it as soon as you shared it with me). No really, thank you so much for always being there to support my hermanos fics! I really appreciate it and means a lot to me!

My music taste is also all over the place LMAO and I always have the toughest time thinking of songs that match the "vibe" of whatever it is I'm looking for, so I'm super impressed at how you picked out such a wide-range list that manages to capture every scene and mood I was going for :D The fact that it's chronological too blows my mind! I'll definitely be listening to it a lot while rereading that story ;) And all the instrumentals you picked were so beautiful and exactly what I enjoy listening to too!

Remembrance - This sets the mood so well, not just for a moody intro but also Sergio's mindset in general (+ his life with Andres), like this is something I can hear from show canon!

He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother - Perfect title and perfect lyrics for our brotp, made for the hermanos! Also love how it coincides with Sergio literally having to carry Andres in the next scene lol

Carry You - Same thoughts apply here! Thematically perfect; also something that feels like a track the show would play over a montage

West - Sleeping At Last song!! haha I've used their songs to set the mood so much whenever I'm writing for hermanos or berlermo, and the song you picked here (both instrumental and lyrics) fits the story so well, especially the "we'll be just fine" being repeated

Blue Ridge Mountains - Another beautifully themed brotherly song! Can definitely see this playing through the scene of Sergio trudging through the rain, or of him and Andres "contemplating" in the motel together during the storm

Repeat Until Death - The lyrics :'D really perfectly captures Sergio's feelings about Andres' (impending) death; this one's so sad omg but so fitting

The Emotion - the vibes! I can hear this suiting Sergio's flashback to the day on the beach (and events in Hermanito!) and Andres comforting him in the present

Recuerdos - Another beautiful instrumental that captures the same mood as #7!

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday - this one reminds me of Sergio telling Andres his fears out loud in the motel :') also fits his mindset regarding Andres (and their father) in general

Across the Sea - el mitad del oceano reference!? haha either way, another bittersweet instrumental that suits the melancholic mood

Song for a Stormy Night - literally captures that entire picture of Sergio listening to the storm while Andres sleeps XD the lyrics somehow took all of Sergio's words out of his mouth

The Golden Age - I'm also a woodkid fan and I remember hearing this song the first time and going 'hmm hermanos' asdfasdf You came to the same conclusion, love that!

Stay Alive - Another one that really captures the narrative's mood, especially from Sergio's pov!

Brother - this gives me strong "Hermanito" vibes! And to me, this feels like a rare one from Andres' pov

Jacob and the Stone - Another great instrumental that fits the tragisweet mood in the motel!

I Don't Want to Lose You - This playlist digs through Sergio's emotions like an onion, and this one really suits his confession about never wanting to lose his brother :') Even the lyrics perfectly fit the hermanos (like the part of past loves at the piano!). I know the singer wrote this with a couple in mind lol but out of context, this is a song for the #hermanos

Same as above!

Carry You Through - we're 18 songs in and you still manage to find a song with lyrics that matches Sergio's angst so well that I'm just impressed XD "we couldn't be closer but still out of reach" AHHH

In Case You Don't Live Forever - Another PERFECTLY matched hermanos song, especially taking in the events from the "Hermanito" timeline; exactly what was going through Sergio's head towards the end of Rain too

Isaac - And we're getting to the end of the storm ;) OHH another rare one from Andres' pov that perfectly captures how he felt about seeing Sergio panic through Rain. And yes, always insane about Sergio is the Isaac to Andres' Ishmael

You'll Be Alright - a comforting one that feels like it's from Andres when he's comforting Sergio!

Yellow - Ah, coldplay, Alex Pina's favorite band XD not an lcdp playlist without them! This really fits the mood at the end, after the climax, and I like to think of it from Andres' pov as he's reminiscing about little Sergio

Save You - Immediately made think of Sergio's , "This time, I'm protecting you" :') and the overall last scene of the fic; it's what all his fears have been boiling down to, and the lyrics about searching for an answer/trying to understand --> that's so El Profesor!!

We're Gonna Be Okay - perfectly paints the mood of Andres hugging Sergio in the living room, telling him it's going to be okay after that hell of a day they had :'D

Si, Te Quiero Mucho (Hermanito) - LOSING MY MIND THAT THERE IS A REAL SONG NAMED THIS!????? wonder if it's a lcdp reference lol anyway, definitely Andres' final thoughts about Sergio both in the canon timeline and the end of Rain; literally the perfect thing to close out the playlist with and what I can hear playing over the "credits" of Rain. Mood and lyrics match so well (Andres' pretentious ass asdfadsf) and the culmination of what he feels about Sergio + inevitably leaving him behind

Thanks again for sharing this with me! A lot of wonderful new songs here I didn't know about and so many great hermanos-themed tracks too :D This was such a sweet gift and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart!

And loved the title you chose too ;) PLEASE, I of all people know the pain of trying to choose a good title!

[completeoveranalysis]

hey! idk if you remember but i'm the person who asked if i could send in my own thoughts on ashura like way back when you were first getting to the celes arc :] sorry this is gonna be long admittedly my thoughts on him have changed since then, i think i first regarded him as a well meaning person bc, when i was a teen i saw a post in defense of him saying ashura was probably the one who taught fai about kindness and smiles. which with all i know about faux positivity now is. yeah. that's a lot to unpack ashura's whole thing with morally dubiously manipulating people he has power over (which he shares with clow reed actually) i think first and foremost serves to explore clamp's favorite narrative ploy: what claims to be the conflict between the self vs the world is actually the conflict between people's individual will and how power dynamics play into it. people like ashura (both in rg veda and trc) and clow reed and a load of other villains in clamp's other works expend the power of their will to make changes that they believe are good, in ignorance of others' wishes. but at the same time his relationship to fai is something just. incredibly fucked up and is bound to invite personal reactions

i think ashura really did care, or at the very least he personally believed what he did was the right thing, enough to justify the harm that he knew he was causing. i think in addition to that, it can be inferred that because of his condition he never functioned in the realms of human morality.

another thing to consider is how clamp approaches writing abusive parental/mentor figures. when people explore this kind of trauma it's entirely within their right to not humanize those who abused them. but they may also choose to do the opposite, not to justify the harm that was done but to come to terms with it, see the bigger picture of cycles of abuse, or any meaning they might find in it. i think clamp tends to do the latter. i can't claim to know ohkawa's original intents but, because of my asian upbringing i'm pretty close to the communal way of life that affects how people approach these things; works i know of that employs similar approaches are fruits basket and umineko no naku koro ni and they did a fantastic job with it. within clamp's own works, an example can be found in x/1999 (i'm not sure how far you are into it so i'll just leave it at that).

like you pointed out during your liveblogging clamp clearly laid out the horrifying nature of ashura's manipulation. but at the same time they spare him empathy, it's what they tend to do with their characters (even though people perceive them on the surface to be obsessed with writing suffering and that's another pet peeve i have with clamp fandom jokes...) but (x2) as a reader anyone can have their own feelings and interps of it it and i think that's what's important.

at the end of the day ashura is just one truly fucked up little man. i think we can all agree on that.

Ohoho I do remember! And thank you for giving me your thoughts! They are DELICIOUS, and I absolutely agree with what you say here.

I do think that Ashura cared for Fai, and thought he was doing the right thing for Fai - and was also willing to do great harm to a great number of people to achieve his version of love.

And considering how dark and heavy the entire plot thread is, I like that CLAMP don't present us with a "final answer" for what we should think about the situation. It's a complex and nuanced scenario that absolutely invites deeper thought and reflection, so, let's do that!

But behind the cut, because of spoilers and content warnings and the like.

Just for clarity, the content warnings include emotional abuse, murder, and suicide.

Goodness, I've had a lot of time to reflect on Ashura.

The big thing with Ashura is that he only sees his own perspective. He doesn't see (or perhaps does not care) that what he's trying to do is utterly fucking up Fai in the process. Either his goal/his version of "caring for Fai" completely trumps Fai's own feelings, and this thought comforts him to the point of complete confidence in his actions, or it doesn't particularly matter to Ashura what Fai's emotional state is as long as the curse is broken.

Another big thing with Ashura is we know WHAT he was trying to do, in that he wanted to break Fai's curse and die in the process. But we don't know which of these two things was his original intention, and if it even matters. WAS he selflessly offering himself as tribute to free Fai from the curse, or was he using the curse as a way to free himself from his own dark existence? Was he breaking Fai's curse out of love, or out of a calculated goal? Is he just trying to accomplish this item despite what it will do to Fai, or is he doing this for Fai's sake, no matter what state it will leave him in? Is there even a distinction for Ashura?

The OTHER big thing about Ashura that really starts to sway this in a darker direction is that Evil Wolverine KNEW what killing this would do to Fai. He knew that there was an incredibly undeniably strong likelihood that Fai would immediately kill himself after having killed Ashura, so much so that Evil Wolverine banked on this happening from the very beginning. It was his plan from the start - that Ashura would manage to break the curse by getting Fai to kill him, and Fai would immediately die as a result of his heartbreak. So is Evil Wolverine knew this so easily, how did Ashura not see this coming? Or did he not care about this either? Was Ashura so set in his own correctness that he genuinely did not know Fai well enough to guess what this would do to him, when even Evil Wolverine knew? Or was that also beside the point for him?

Though I think this term has lost a lot of its meaning in recent years, Ashura is presented as beautifully Morally Grey. He does Bad Things to accomplish an ultimate Good Thing. He's doing a Good Thing but it will have a Bad Effect on the people that survive. There are so many varied ways to interpret Ashura's actions that defining them as "good" or "bad" ends up losing all meaning, and I feel that's the ultimate point. CLAMP present Ashura with such an intricate mix of positive and negative qualities that the morality scale doesn't properly encapsulate him whatsoever any more. If he's purely a villain, then how do we measure the loving home he gave to Fai, and how he gave him the longest period of happiness in a life that was purely traumatic suffering before then? How do we measure the idea that his good advice ended up causing life long emotional trauma to Fai and the people around him? And on the other hand, if his actions are "purely good" because he wanted a "good thing", how do we measure the fact that he slaughtered almost an entire world of living people to accomplish it? How do we measure the idea that he broke Fai's curse against the severe emotional fallout that would have caused Fai to kill himself?

There is no ultimate answer to Ashura. It all comes down to an individual reader's interpretation, what things ring truest to them, and what things that they choose to emphasise over the others. And that's how it should be! No two readers will have the EXACT same experience with any text, and the same goes for Tsubasa. The reader's feelings towards Ashura are entirely personal and individual, and by their very nature they will be correct for them, and not necessarily for anyone else.

And that's where I draw a little line about what I'm about to say and clarify that my interpretation of Ashura doesn't need to match anyone else's, and everyone SHOULD be able to judge him individually. But here's my very personal take!

For me personally, Ashura rings true as a depiction of... I don't even know the right combination of words for it. A selfish type of love - a well meaning but harmful love.

Because I do think Ashura cared for Fai, and had a good effect on him at times, and gave him a loving home when he needed it, but that's not the full picture. Ashura's love is a narcissistic type of love that puts HIS views of 'what is right for Fai' above anything Fai himself might feel, robs him of any choice or decision in the matter, and is willing to absolutely destroy Fai emotionally in order to get him to what Ashura sees is the 'correct' result. It's a type of situation that I relate a little too strongly to not have a biased opinion of Ashura -because I do feel like I've lived through a very Fai-like experience in my personal life over the last couple of years, so it's become impossible for me not to project my own experiences on to what Ashura does to Fai.

Even though Ashura meant for a good result, that does not mean his love was not abusive, and it doesn't mean he didn't deeply traumatise Fai in the process, and it doesn't mean Fai ever has to forgive him for what he did. Not that Fai has that chance, because Ashura robbed him of that too - but in real life things get a lot harder to navigate and understand, especially when you're still in the middle of it. Like Fai, you get stuck on some of the positives and think that the 'bad' things can't possibly be real, even while they poison you from the inside and drive you to a destruction that the other person is absolutely fine with because it will give them what they want. And even then, you want to be a "good person", especially if you define your self worth off of making other people happy, so you may find yourself wanting to forgive them, or feeling like you HAVE to forgive them. But you don't. You can choose these things for yourself. You can redefine your whole life and leave behind the people who treat you like Ashura does - even though it hurts you, and it hurts them, because they don't even see that they're doing anything wrong.

But at the end of the day YOU are worth more than anyone else's feelings - and this is what I absolutely ADORE about the way Kurogane treats Fai, because he has ALWAYS been about that from the very start. Kurogane shows us that Fai deserves to live, to be happy, to be safe, JUST because he's Fai, and for no other reason. And he does!

Kurogane's love for Fai has always had Fai's wellbeing as the priority. It causes friction between them in Acid Tokyo when they don't agree on what that means, and they don't always make the best decisions, but at the core Kurogane's love is selfless, nurturing, and protective.

Ashura's love for Fai always had Ashura's love for Fai as the priority. It hinges on what Ashura wants, and while it does have nice experiences for Fai along the way, Fai's thoughts, feelings, and decisions are not a factor that comes into play. This ultimately leads to a situation where Fai's mental distress, trauma, and ultimate suicide are not only on the table but practically guaranteed, if Evil Wolverine is to be believed. At its core, Ashura's love was love, but it was selfish, damaging, and destructive.

So that's my take on Ashura! I'm very happy for other people to have alternate takes on the situation, because that's the beautiful things about stories like this, and it doesn't even need a big thought process behind it. Some people can just like Ashura for no particular reason, because it matches their own experiences better, and that's completely ok!

But because this is my post Ashura is a piece of shit, and like you said, a fucked up little man.

[thecontumacious]

What are your limits on requests?

Also, could you please put a :readmore: for your long posts? It helps make scrolling easier.

Request Conditions

hello, anon! i appreciate the suggestion and i will remind myself to do this for all future fics if it does make the reading easier for you and hopefully other people too. and i was going to make a post specifically for what requests i can and can't take anyway, but thank you for asking to remind me!

without further ado, here are the following things you should be wary of if you're interested in requesting:

i will not be writing for any nsfw-heavy requests (sorry!) as i am not of age yet. if you're not sure, feel free to ask me first to check if it's okay and then we'll work something out. i will update this matter in future notices! this includes anything about being high/weed related.

i will not accept requests of luxiem being shipped with the girls, per the request of the boys themselves (refer to their earlier debut streams). please respect their wishes! but other than that, let your imagination run wild and i'll do my best~

for now, i am focusing on writing luxiem as the main characters. so no, i can't exactly write for noctyx yet unless they are side characters or of the same nature. an author can only be in so many fandoms ;-;

please do understand that i am not writing to assume the private lives of the boys. i am writing based on their general personality when on stream, their character profiles and their character's lore as best i can.

i am currently an active student so i will work much slower during the weekdays than the weekends, exam prep weeks and exam weeks themselves. i will try my best to inform you if my real life schedule will be delaying any requests you have for me! i appreciate the patience:)

please refrain from requesting when i am currently not accepting. i've seen a few people rebel their way in (or haven't noticed) and i've let it slide because i haven't made it clear before. if you choose to do so anyway, i will not bother to fulfill their requests and easily delete them. guys pls do respect this specific rule since i don't like deleting requests but i also don't want to overwhelm myself.

i will update these conditions accordingly so it's likely they will continue to change. other than that, you are free to request anything else! yandere plots, AUs, angst or even ships are very much welcome~

and please don't be afraid to send in critics or suggestions like the above anon~ i'm sort of new to how tumblr works so any guidance is appreciated!

love,

author-chan

[thanks-mike-stamford]

Fics that inspire my writing - Part I

This is Part I. The other parts will be linked here as they are posted: Part II | Part III

When people ask "What's your favourite fic?" I can't truly give an answer. It depends on my mood! How can I choose only one? Sometimes you want to reread that one fic for emotional comfort, sometimes you want that other one for the hots, sometimes you want to suffer a bit with the characters and have the relief of the happy ending, and sometimes you love a fic so so so much, but it hurts and you don't pick it up again ever. There's no way I can choose a favourite.

So this is just a disclaimer that this list is not really about favourites.

This list is about writing.

I'm not as prolific as a writer than I am as a reader. I try to do my best, of course. The best way to learn a lot about writing, though? I have to say it's reading. I can attribute most of my vocabulary (in all languages I know) to reading. When talking about writing fiction, it's more than vocabulary, though: narrative, prose, dialogues, plot, characters, themes... It's a lot happening.

These fics I'm going to mention are the ones that I read and think yo myself: oooh, I wish I could write like that. So I use them to study! Perhaps I could try this type of narrative? Or I could build my characters to be complex in this way? Perhaps I could phrase things in a less mechanical way, like this author does?

I'm drafting a lot of stuff recently and in these new works I'm trying to improve the way I write. I'm a quick reader but slow writer, but I hope my future works can show I learned from these stories below.

So, here we go, 10 Fics That Inspire My Writing, in no particular order. This list is not exhaustive either, it was horrible to choose just 10.

Part I

Limping forward series by bendingsignpost

I absolutely love this series, which is a main fic from John's POV and a short prequel from Sherlock's POV, supposed be read after the main story. I'll refer to the main story from now on.

This fic is dialogue-heavy. The moments of description are usually very close to the POV, and while it's used to indicate actions, the main purpose is always to show what John is feeling by how he interacts with whatever and whoever is around him. Sometimes we are left with dialogues that are not explicit. The characters know exactly what they mean, by the described reactions, but the reader is left to wonder - or most importantly, to actually think about what they mean given the context. The fic feels almost like an intelectual exercise in which we practice how to read people's feelings. The climax of the fic doesn't come from a misunderstanding that can be fixed with a conversation, for example. It comes from an emotional misunderstanding, and it's brutal, because there's no way it couldn't happen. Both John, Sherlock, and the reader need to understand the meanings behind the actions - if you have a bias or trauma, it can be hard. Sherlock's deduction at the climax scene comes from an emotional perspective - he deduces how John felt, and that would finally explain John's actions, which weren't clear for him. Just like Sherlock says in the story - it's magnificent.

These two aspects - dialogue with implicit meaning and description with a purpose - are aspects I lack in my own writing. I struggle immensely with dialogue, and my descriptions are usually "Character A is here or there, talking to B or C, and they're thinking X or Y". I look up to how this fic works in trying to get better, and I did try to incorporate those "invisible conversations" into my works.

The Illusion of Control series by starrysummernights

Uuuh, omegaverse! Not everyone's cup of tea. I love omegaverse though, for two reasons: you can create completely different world dynamics and sex/gender dynamics, and play with it.

This series needed to be a series. Every part is important. We have alternating POVs of John and Sherlock. If you read the series as a WIP, as it was posted, you could have been under the impression that it was strictly porny. But it helps a ton to read it following the chronology of the story (the prequels and sequels to the original one were attributed accordingly). Because the trick of this series is John's character arc. We are immediately presented with John's life story since childhood until he starts a relationship with Sherlock. He has endured great emotional trauma, but at first he doesn't even recognise he has been traumatised. Lifelong issues build up and eventually will spill over. It's not quick to deal with it, that's why it needs a full series. His relationship with Sherlock deepens, he needs to make some important choices, he faces great struggles. And step by step, we follow John's journey. It's absolutely brilliant to get there. It hurts, but it hurts good. And it's nobody's fault, at the end. He's not reduced to his issues, he's an entire complex person, but we are always aware how said issues played an important role in shaping this character.

Writing such a long story, posting it out of chronological order, and not losing sight of the character arc is what makes this fic stand out. One of my published fics specifically took great inspiration in this one while building a character arc for John.

Trying to Find The In-Between by NoStraightLine

Later on this was re-posted as a multi chapter fic, but I originally read it as a series when it was a WIP, and personally I think it works better this way.

This amazing work taught me a lot about causes and consequences. I think the entire series can be grouped in three parts. First part is the beginning of their relationship. They are learning about each other, playing piece by piece like a puzzle. Then second part is around Reichenbach Fall, they separate and emotional fuckery ensues, up until Sherlock comes back, the pinnacle of angst. Third and last part is them relearning each other from scratch. The relationship needs to be completely different - and they don't even know if they will get together after all, if it will ever work again. And here's the main point: it's not a single decision that warrants consequences. They had a super intense relationship at first - but if you go too high, the fall is worse. Everything is borderline unhealthy, but it could easily be attributed to love. The author doesn't shy away from showing us it's a bit of both: big love can be a bit unhealthy. To put up boundaries between them so they both keep sane you also need to limit how you treat each other, and what you expect from each other.

This fic made me think I need to estimate the consequences of how I build up characters' interactions. The reactions need to be accordingly to that measure. In one fic I tried to play with this intensity ended up being borderline unhealthy. Not something you'd want in real life, of course, but in fiction... anything is possible.

This is the end of Part I. Stay tuned for Parts II and III!