#but if you engage with it in a certain way it can make for a very compelling character analysis

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Dirty Thoughts

Summary: It was so wrong to have these thoughts. She was engaged to your boss, your best friend but it was impossible to not fall in love with her.

Relationships: Natasha x Maria, Maria x reader

Warnings: non Avenger AU, Gang AU, cheating, lots of cheating, mention of violence, implied torture, implied sexual content, gun shot wound, blood, angst

Word Count: 3.3k

Note: I do not want to talk about how this one shot made me spiral into possibility writing a multiple part story. If you are interested let me know lol. Also, thank you to @sycamorelibrary754 for helping me with the engagement ring

God, you were so fucked. Absolutely 100% fucked. You stood at the party, hand wrapped around the beer you were drinking. At a party, your job was to be alert and look for possible threats. Tonight was different. Tonight was a party for celebration as the head of the Black Widow gang was engaged to her long-time girlfriend, Maria Hill. You were in charge of Natasha's security, so the redhead placed you in charge of Maria's protection. You grew close to her, learning her every secret, dislike, and like. You knew her coffee order, what ice cream to get when she was on her period, and her favorite movie to put on to make her smile. You loved your job. Natasha took a chance on you and saved your life, which makes your current predicament so much worse.

No one knew you were head over heels in love with Maria Hill. No one could ever know. "I'm pretty sure Nat gave everyone the night off." You were so lost in your thoughts that you were surprised by Maria standing before you. "I think I saw Pietro doing a keg stand." You chuckled and sipped your beer.

"I'm always on the clock, sweetheart. Got to keep the crown jewel of the Black Widows safe." Maria rolled her eyes, but you didn't miss the slight blush on her cheeks. "Congratulations, by the way. That's an impressive rock." The ring was gold with a square-cut diamond. Along the band and the main diamond were smaller jewels. It looked expensive, but that was Natasha. She liked expensive things, from clothes to cars to liquor. Before Maria, the redhead was always at the clubs throwing money at women left and right. She looked at her hand.

"A little too flashy for my taste," you knew that too. She wanted something modest. "But Nat likes to claim what's hers." You hated how your stomach burned with jealousy.

"Oh, I know that. Besides, Romanoff has enough money lying around. She should spend it on something," you smiled. "Hey, maybe you can convince her to take us on vacation. I heard the Maldives are beautiful this time of year." A quick smack to the back of your head caused you to jump. Maria laughed as Natasha rounded from behind and wrapped her arms around Maria's waist.

"Are you saying I don't treat you well?" She smirked.

"You treat us like shit, boss," you deadpanned. "I hate it here." You winked at Maria. Her smile caused your heart to skip a beat. Natasha scuffed, placing her chin on Maria's shoulder.

"You know I saved your life. I could have left you on the streets of New York, but out of the kindness of my heart, I gave you a job." You rolled your eyes.

"And here I thought you liked me for my charming personality and good looks," you smirked. She narrowed her eyes at you, pointing at you over Maria.

"I'm going to kick your ass, Sentinel,"

"Darling," Maria placed her on Natasha's chest. "You know she could kick your ass." You had to hide your smirk behind your drink.

"Unbelievable," Natasha mumbled.

"Go go have a good night, you lovebirds," you said. "You know where to find me if you need me." You held out your hand for Natasha. "Congratulations. I'm happy for you." And you were. No matter how much it hurt for Natasha to be marrying Maria, you would always be happy for her. At least Maria would still be in your life. Instead of shaking your hand, your boss pulled you into a hug.

"Enjoy yourself tonight. I heard a certain captain wanted your attention," you chuckled, but you looked at Maria, who was frowning. Thinking she was angry at you for hugging Natasha, you patted her back and ended the hug.

"Use protection," you told them as Natasha grabbed Maria's hand and returned to the party. Natasha still managed to flip you off. All members of the Black Widow crew were given code names. Carol was Captain Marvel. Peggy was Agent 13. Monica was Photon. You were Sentinel, the vigilant guardian who watched over the gang's safety. It was Maria who gave it to you.

It was late one night, and you were new to protecting Maria. Before she started Natasha, Maria was studying to get into the academy. She spent a lot of her time at the library, so in turn, you spent a lot of time there as well. When you were walking back to the car, two street thugs tried and failed to jump her. You were quick to take them down before they could even touch her. Sentinel was a name everyone called you, and it became a name that was feared on the streets.

The same night you saved her, you realized that your thoughts and feelings towards Maria were not platonic. Everything Maria and Natasha had you wanted. Now the ring on her finger solidified she could never be yours.

*

"Can you pick Maria up from her father's?" Natasha asked you. "I have a meeting with the Maximoff Twins, and I can't get out of it." You frowned. A part of your job was to know the schedules of Natasha and Maria. There was no meeting with the Maximoffs today; you knew that. Instead, Natasha and Maria had a date planned. Nothing was set in stone in this business. The redhead rolled her sleeves and picked up a knife from the table.

"Yeah, I can do that," you put on a pair of latex gloves. "Do you want me to take her back to the house?" She handed you a knife.

"It's up to her. Take the card and get whatever she wants." She rolled her shoulders and faced the man tied to the chair in the center of the room. "Ready, Sentinel?"

"Always boss."

*

Once you were changed and out of the blood-stained shirt, you made your way to Maria. You relieved the lower-level member and walked up the house's front steps. Before you knocked, the door swung open. "Fury," you smiled at the man. "How's my favorite beat cop?" He frowned.

"You smell of bleach." He deadpanned.

"Just a new perfume I'm trying out," you squeezed past him, and you heard the door close. Nick Fury, the commissioner of the NYPD, was surprised when Natasha started dating his daughter, but she did everything for a reason. At first, it was a tactical relationship, a way to bend the relationship between the NYPD and the Black Widows. Over time, Natasha fell in love with Maria.

You found Maria in the kitchen, her back to you as she washed the dishes. "Who would have thought an engagement would turn you into a housewife?" She jumped and dropped the plate into the water. A frown was on her face when she turned around to face you. "Awe, are you not excited to see your favorite bodyguard?"

"No, I am," she sighed and focused on her task.

"I know," Natasha was canceling more and more dates and getting stuck at the office. It was the summer, so there were more things to do. The days were longer, and arrival gangs were out to steal the Black Widow's turf. "But," you leaned against the counter with Natasha's credit card between your fingers. "The boss gave me her card. We could do anything on her dime." Maria stayed quiet. "Or we can return to the house, order takeout, and watch the Breakfast Club." A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "Come on, Ria," you whined. "You know I hate seeing you sad." It was true. It tugged at your heartstrings, and you would do anything to make her smile.

"Help me with the dishes, and then we'll go to the bookstore and get Tai food." You smiled.

"Aye, aye, captain," you gave her a salute, and her laughter danced off the kitchen's walls. Her laughter was music to your ears. It was beautiful, so full of light. You would do anything to hear it again and again.

*

In hindsight, you should have knocked, but you were so focused on the phone call that you walked into Natasha's office. It was late, and Monica's frantic phone call woke you up, and you raced to see Natasha. Red room guys were seen gathering weapons at the dock. They were planning an attack. "I just got here," you told Monica. "Don't engage without us," you opened the office door. "I- Jesus Christ," if it weren't for the phone call, you would have said a lot more. "Nothing, I'll call you back." You hung up.

Maybe you should have knocked. Perhaps you would have heard the moans behind the closed door if you weren't on the phone. The moans were not coming from Maria but from Wanda Maximoff. She was topless, lying on top of Natasha's desk with the redhead between her legs. Your jaw clenched as Natasha rushed to pull away from her and throw her a sweatshirt.

"It's not-"

"Save it," you snapped. Oh, you were seething. All you saw was red. She was engaged. Maria was planning a wedding. You wanted to push her up against the wall and tell her off. "We have an actual problem, but please, if you think this little affair is more important, please continue." Natasha ran her fingers through her hair. You ignored Wanda as she stood up from the desk.

"What is it? Is it Maria?" She had to be fucking with you. Even across the room, you could see the hickys covering Natasha's neck. You laughed. You were so close to snapping.

"Oh, so you remember her name? Your fiance," you shook your head. No, she's safe. The Red Room was spotted on the docks gathering weapons. Monica said she tried to call you but couldn't reach you." Now you looked at Wanda. "I guess you had your hands full." You were furious not only with your friend but also with yourself. How did you not notice this? All of the signs were there. Are you coming or not?"

"Sentinel-"

"I don't want to hear it, Romanoff. People's lives are at stake. People you promised to protect. Are you coming?" Natasha nodded, but you refused to look away. She kissed Wanda goodbye and told her that she would call her later. Unbelievable, you thought. Oh, you were going to kill your best friend.

*

The rest of the crew knew there was a problem between you and Natasha. You were still a professional and did your job, but that was it. Gone was the friendly banter, the inside jokes. All of it changed overnight.

Loyalty was important to you. It was important for the crew to maintain respect, but Natasha broke that with you. Before joining the Black Widows, you were fucked over by the last crew you worked with. They ignored your warnings about an upcoming job. They promised that whatever would happen, they would have your back. But the job fell through, and they left you. Natasha found you before the cops showed up. You were forever grateful for the redhead and knew you would stay loyal to her because of what she did for you.

Now she was using that loyalty over your head to keep her secret, to help cover for her. She kept saying that you were loyal to her, not Maria. She saved your life, not Maria. She was your boss, not Maria. It was killing you.

Every date Natasha missed. Every time she stayed late at the office, you saw Maria lose herself more each time. Adding to the pressure of the Red Room, you were at your wits end. So you quit. You told Natasha you were done.

You were in your room packing up your stuff while nursing a gunshot wound to your stomach. A simple meeting turned into a shoot-out as Red Room goons surprised you. Lately, it seemed Natasha kept making bad calls after bad calls. Last week, Carol got hurt. Two days ago, Peggy got jumped. Now, you were on the receiving end of it. These girls were your family, but you weren't sure what to do. The Red Room was gaining momentum. You heard whispers of HYDRA gaining territory. An all-out war was growing.

"I can't believe you are leaving," Maria's voice followed the sound of your front door slamming shut. "And I had to find out through Natasha." She was here quicker than you thought. You wanted to be done packing, but the wound slowed you down.

"Carol will do just fine," you refused to look at her. "She knows all your likes, dislikes, and what you are allergic to.

"I don't want Carol. I want you," you closed your eyes. You knew it was as a bodyguard and nothing more, but a part of you wished it was more. "Why are you leaving me?"

"I'm not leaving you. I-" Would you say to her? That her fiance was cheating on her with someone Maria considered a friend. That a gang war was coming and so many people were going to die in the crossfire.

"I know about Natasha and Wanda," you spun around to face her finally. She was wearing your sweatshirt that you thought you had lost and a pair of jeans. Her hair was damp. She must have rushed over here as soon as her shower was over, but you thought she never looked more beautiful. "You've been shot," she said.

"You knew?" You questioned.

"Don't change the subject," you rolled your eyes because she changed the conversation. She grabbed the first aid kit you had left out and forced you to sit in your recliner. "Of course, I know. I'm not an idiot." You hissed as she pulled the gauze off. "I think it hurts more that you knew and didn't tell me. I thought we were close." She cleaned around the wound. "No exit wound. I have to get the bullet out." You nodded.

"If you knew," you squeezed the chair's armrests as she dug for the bullet. She cooed softly.

"I know, baby," she whispered. "This is the worst part." It had to be the pain. Maybe you were delirious, but you swear you heard her call you baby. You called her pet names because you liked to see her blush.

"If you knew," you continued. She placed the bullet on the side table. "Why stay? Why not call off the engagement?"

"Because I wanted to stay close to the gang," she threaded the suture through the needle. "I wanted to stay close to you." You let her confession rest in the silence as she focused on stitching the gunshot. You felt no pain when the needle pierced your skin. When she was done, she placed a new bandage on it. You grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at you.

"Tell me what you meant by that."

"Nothing," she said. Don't worry about it." Maria tried to pull away from you, but you held her in place—not enough to hurt her, but enough to keep her from running away.

"Tell me, please." You moved your hand to hers and pulled her to her feet. She protested when you told her to sit on your lap, but you held her in place. "Tell me you have the same thoughts I do," you ran your hands up and down her sides and enjoyed the shiver that you felt. "Because I get dirty thoughts about you. They get worse when I'm without you. Are you thinking of them as well?" Instead of answering, she trailed her finger over your lips and down your chest. You weren't sure where this newfound confidence came from. You were leaving, and she was Natasha's; the ring on her finger still confirmed that. "I shouldn't think the things I'm thinking," you admitted. Finally, she locked eyes with yours.

"How long?" She asked. It was a simple question, but still, you hesitated.

"Far too long," she chuckled, shaking her head.

"The more that I push them away. The more that you're stuck in my brain." It was all you needed to hear. You twisted your hand in her brunette hair and kissed her. The kiss was messy and frantic, and Maria's soft sigh only spurred you on more. She matched the intensity of the kiss, but the quiet voice in the back of your head told you this was wrong. She was engaged. Even though her fiance was cheating, her loyalty was to her. You ended the kiss. "Why did you stop?" Maria asked. Her chest was heaving, and a slight blush dusted across her cheeks.

"I don't want to stop," you whispered. Your eyes flickered to the ring on her finger. "You aren't mine." She looked at her ring. Immediately, she took it off and placed it on the table next to the bullet.

"I'm not hers," she said. "Our relationship was always to forge a better relationship between the NYPD and the Black Widows. I've known that from the beginning. If Natasha wants Wanda, then I want you. I always have." There were 101 questions that danced around in your head but died on your tongue due to how she looked at you. Her pupils were blown out, and the color of her eyes was gone. She wanted you. All of your hesitations vanished.

Ignoring the pain from your injury, you picked her up and carried her to your bed. You gently placed her down and quickly covered her body with yours. "Tell me," you whispered, kissing her neck. Her hands grabbed onto your shoulders. "Tell me your mine." You bite down and soothe the spot with your tongue.

"I'm yours," she moaned. Her hand went to the back of your head and forced your lips together. "Tell me your mine."

"I'm yours," you said. "Always have been and always will be."

*

"Take me with you," she lay in your bed, wrapped in your blankets as you were in the bathroom. You wondered when this conversation was going to happen. With a sigh, you joined her back in bed and dragged the sheet over you. You laid on your side to face her.

"I don't even know where I'm going."

"I don't care," she said, taking your hand. "I'm safer with you than with anyone else."

"What about Fury?" You questioned. "You wouldn't leave him, and I wouldn't let you." Her silence was enough of an answer for you. You kissed her hand.

"You are going to leave before an all-out turf war breaks out." God, she was more perceptive than you gave her credit for.

"I can't stop it from happening."

"No, you can't," she smiled. "But you can end it quicker and save lives. People listen to you," you played with her now bare ring finger. You dreamed of putting a ring on it one day. "I always believed Natasha wasted your potential. You are a leader, not a guard dog." All of your life, you've been a follower. You followed your father when he left your mom. You followed your old crew into a death trap. You blindly followed every order Natasha gave you.

"Help me then," you told her. She seemed surprised by your request. "You are more than a pretty little to hold on my arm." Maria was barely allowed in meetings when she was; she was ordered to stay quiet and sit by Natasha's side.

"Do you not think I'm pretty?" She teased. Your eyes widened. Laughing, Maria pushed you onto your back and rested her chin on your chest. "I'm teasing. Of course, I'll help. I think we make a good team." If she believed in you, then that's all you needed.

"Let's plan to save the city tomorrow," you rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand. "I'm tired." She smiled and kissed your lips softly. "Are you staying?"

"I am," she got comfortable with your arms around her. "Sleep, baby. The city can wait one more day."

[thewitchofgriffithmanor]

[...] You are one of many young ladies sent to court to face your debut into polite society — to be introduced to all the bachelors of London in order to find a proper husband and live a proper life. But you need no introduction, for better or worse, as every single person in court has heard of you; you are the infamous “Witch of Griffith Manor”, rumoured to be the downfall of your family, the cause of death and despair. A pariah by birth.  You suspect you’ve been sent to court to simply be the entertainment, as no one expects you to truly fit in. And nor do you, to be quite honest. You’re a laughing stock, a humorous wallflower to the lot of them. You’re determined to shape your own future and find a way to leave your family and reputation behind. Fortunately for you, you’re not the only pariah in the midst.

The Witch of Griffith Manor is an 18+ text-based interactive fiction game that contains elements of the historical romance / gothic genres. The story features:

A customisable female main character; the player will determine her name, personality, abilities and physical appearance.

Three romance options, each with their own romance trope, which you can pursue or antagonise (or both).

Life at court — which, given the premise of the story, won’t be exactly idyllic, but the player will be able to either attempt to restore their reputation or make it even worse than initially established!

Multiple endings, depending on the mc's abilities, actions in court and romance pursued. Dominate polite society or leave it altogether. The choice is yours.

The demo will be published around may 15th 2024, and will include the entire prologue, in which the player will be able to fully customise the main character and be introduced to the world of the story.

DEMO TBA + Pinterest Board + Spotify Playlist + F.A.Q.

Archibald Archambeau (M), 26 years old, “Reforming the rake.” You’ve never met him, but have heard of him; he’s the tenth child of King George, albeit the only illegitimate one. Archibald Archambeau, alternatively titled “the half prince”, is rumoured to be cause of numerous scandals in London and to have caused the fall of many a young lady. Though he is, despite his bastard status, a very valuable bachelor, most of polite society will advice their own daughters against engaging with him. Physical description: Tall, with long, curly blonde hair, black eyes and an androgynous figure. The king of fashion excess.

Florence Hawthorne (F), 20 years old, “Enemies to lovers.” You’ve attended a private school with her; once, Florence Hawthorne was the favoured among all of the young ladies you knew at the time, extremely talented in many arts and languages, and rumoured to be the most eligible candidate for the royal first born and heir to the Empire. And yet, from what you’ve heard as of recently, the young baroness has been considered disgraced, ‘tainted’ — though you’ve yet to hear the whole story — and no longer holds the reputation required to look down on you as she once did. Physical description: Medium in height, with long, silky black hair, green eyes and a feminine figure. The queen of elegance at its finest.

Nadir Anwar (M), 28 years old, “Forbidden romance.” You’d never heard of him before your arrival in London; Nadir Anwar, ambassador to the Khedivate of Egypt and the viceroy’s son, has been at court for a while now. You’ve also heard that his position and permanence in England may be the result of a punishment — for what, no one seems to be certain. The court repeatedly hounds him for marriage proposals, though you suspect it may be to gain more status and political advantage with the royal family. Not that it matters, for it seems every proposal coming his way faces a brutal rejection. Physical description: Tall, with short, ruffled dark brown hair, grey eyes and a masculine figure. Dresses as modestly as his position allows him.

[wetcatspellcaster]

Metapost: "The Ascendent"

**this is a meta for my fic, Pieces Still Stuck in Your Teeth, and NOT a discussion of the BG3 game canon in any way. If you try and make this into a disk-horse, I will BITE you**

(spoilers under the cut for Chapters 1-23 of Pieces Still Stuck in Your Teeth).

So... remember in the Chapter One endnote when I said I was a Spike/Buffy fan first, and a person second? x

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In more seriousness, there was a number of fictional seasonings/ingredients that went into creating what I felt was the villain of a Gothic horror, and what I felt could turn the Ascendent into something that was both 'fixable', and something I enjoyed writing.

Those ingredients were:

Spike and the idea of 'soulless' vampires in the BtVS canon - do I like this conceit of BtVS worldbuilding and how it's used in the show? No. I think it often underlines how bad Whedon is at writing romance. BUT I do think it gives Buffy this free pass for which vampires she can/can't like or adopt, and I needed some of that for my protagonist. I need a 'I can fix him' moment - BtVS has those in fucking SPADES.

Howl's Moving Castle (this one was accidental, I'm still mad at myself but I can't deny it's there) - man conducts magic ritual for power, removing an essential part of himself in the process that needs to be returned

Picture of Dorian Gray (the idea of an exterior staying pristine while something hidden suffers and decays)

Curse of Strahd (the soulless in Barovia, which I mentioned in Chapter 23)

The idea of default moral alignments in D&D. I have a whole chapter arguing against this in my thesis (mostly bc it's often applied to entire races) but I was fascinated by creating a set of circumstances where I feel like a default moral alignment is valid, actually. 7,000 deaths seems like a good set up. I wanted to imagine a being that was trapped within a default moral alignment, and the laws of its very being prevent it from being good no matter what it tries, and it knows that (this kind of creates a feedback loop with the Spike/Buffy stuff)

The parts of the BG3 canon I took and REMADE (I'm stressing this throughout, I was making a horror story and a horror monster your honour):

Astarion conducts the Rite of Profane Ascension with scars on his back, but has to scar Cazador's back personally, suggesting that um... the Rite REALLY SHOULDN'T BE CONDUCTED BY SOMEONE WHO'S GOT THOSE SCARS. Cazador wasn't going to do it that way, is all I'm saying!!

The idea that Ascended!Ending Astarion is a concentrated version of certain traits that have persisted throughout his story - his flirtiness, his understanding of sex as a mechanism and expression of power, his use of a façade as a mask for trauma he refuses to acknowledge.

The lines alluding to dissociation in the brothel foursome, post-Ascension.

The idea that Astarion seduced Tav to survive or protect himself- in my case, because I made the Ascendent empty save for Astarion's survival instinct, the idea that he would gravitate towards Tav as one of his default modes to potentially survive made sense to me - this is why it becomes an obsession.

･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ

For me, when writing, the Ascendent is a few things:

An intensification of vampirism in a different, fucked-up direction. Yeah, A!Astarion, you can walk in sunlight and you can eat and drink and don't need blood. But you are still a hungering maw of emptiness that feels like it will never be whole or close and connected to the living - just now in a wildly different, metaphysical/existential direction! Welcome to depression, alienation, and otherness!

A soulless being, that knows it is soulless - that initially was very happy with its life but then as the years passed, increasingly spends its every waking moment knowing there is something innately wrong with it that it can't seem to shake, no matter how much it engages with life and all the pleasures of life. (see the 'every meal without savour' speech)

A magically literal metaphor for Astarion's dissociation in moments of extreme trauma, up to and including the fight with Cazador - essentially, the moments when there is nothing but a performance or an exterior, because the self/soul are suffering and they cant' come to phone right now

Astarion's survival instinct. As I say in Chapter 23 - Mephistopheles thinks it is an empty body, who's performance is trying to deny the reality of it's own existence. Rosalie, who has a bit more understanding of Astarion, sees that the performance is not just a coping mechanism but one of Astarion's main modes of survival. The Ascendent is Astarion's survival instinct/techniques for endurance, without any soul or person behind them to protect. This is how I tried to tie in the flirty, hypersexual persona and wrap it with a bow.

I wanted a monster that was undeniably scary, and monstrous to me (oh? you can't fit in or be happy no matter what you do and no matter how hard you try, and you think there's something intrinsically off? how's that autism diagnosis going Emma) but that I also felt sympathy and true sorrow for. I needed to have motivations for him chasing after Tav that I could write meaningfully from and sympathise with.

Not only has Astarion used Tav as a life-raft once before, they've also proven to be the most secure thing he's ever clung to. Of course a rabid survival instinct Astarion would become obsessed, and see them as a potential solution to the problem (this was then intensified by Rosalie also being a walking, overbearing moral compass, and having bound him in a contract in the first week of living, accidentally - a lawful good immoveable objects meets a default moral alignment unstoppable force.)

...Because I also wanted that moral alignment spice!! Wizards of the Coast, default moral alignment is fucked up actually!!! Imagine something trying so desperately to be good - literally being bound in a pact and having been told to be good - but the laws of the universe and its very essence are like "nah mate, we kind of want to destroy and annihilate everything, we're neutral evil personified". That's scary!! that's fucked up!! that's what a birth from 7000 deaths gets you!!!

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So, now for the actual timeline, for people who aren't interested in my silly musings but mostly just want answers lmfao.

Rosalie makes the decision not to intervene in Cazador's mansion, making it seem like she'll support whatever decision Astarion will make there.

Rite of Profane Ascension happens. Astarion conducts the ritual, rips his own soul from his body, the Ascendent is born with literally zero context. Mephistopheles is fucked in Cania, because a bunch of stuff has just gone wrong.

(oh, by the way, the Ascendent knows Infernal as a default language. Bc it's born from an Infernal rite.)

The Ascendent is now default neutral evil, and feeling some kind of way. Rosalie and him break up. He's supposed to have everything, but the one thing he thought was a done deal - his most stalwart suppporter - just rejected him.

Netherbrain defeat (the Ascendent is not invited. Imagine being an all-powerful, hypersexual survival instinct vampire, and your ex-girlfriend neither wants you for sex, nor your power.)

Rosalie accidentally binds the Ascendent (a soulless devil) in a pact demanding that he never kill anyone, when that's literally what the Ascendent's new existence/new default moral alignment is driving him to do. Then, she fucks off and goes into hiding.

Well. The Ascendent can just get another wizard, to help him learn all of Cazador's secrets to cope [Hemlock is recruited].

The years go by! The Ascendent is doing sooooo well. Everything is great, guys! I'm rich, I'm beautiful, I have lavish parties and lots of sex - why do I feel nothing? I'm a vampire perfected - I have no hunger for blood, I can walk in the sun, I can enjoy all the freedoms of a living, breathing man - why do I feel like I'm starving? Why does everything turn to ashes in my mouth? I have friends - oops, I've sabotaged all those friendships with my innate neutral evil destruction. Why can't I feel anything? What's wrong with me? I'm doing everything right? Why doesn't it feel that way?

Also, I can't kill anything to feel better about it, because my hidden ex-girlfriend bound me in a pact.

In this time, to reflect the gradual degradation of the Ascendent's happiness and it's increasing awareness that it is something Other and innately wrong, the reflection starts going weird. Starts going strange. Starts getting a bit fucked up. Almost as if, when he looks in the mirror and sees a person, *nothing* should be what's there. Imagine being a spawn who couldn't see your reflection, and then a vampire who could see it's reflection, but knows that they're innately empty. Knows there's nothing there. I'd freak out a little bit about it as well tbh, I'd go a bit tooth and claw and elongated jaw about it.

The Ascendent finally admits that's there must be something kinda fucked about it. Life just ain't working out, lads. He starts looking for any and all impossible cures that will help with the malaise in his soul (and that innate essence problem, caused by default moral alignment). These include: more bad decisions, such as a house in Cania bc the Ascendent is hoping he'll feel more at home with devils than he does with mortals. All it does is make him feel more isolated and alone.

But eventually, he settles on two things! - Wish (Hemlock's idea), and Rosalie (the Ascendent's idea). Clearly, we just need Rosalie back! Her leaving is actually what fucked him up in the first place - none of this existential bullshit! She fixed us one, she can fix us again.

But looking for Rosalie hasn't worked out. In order to get a shot at her, the Ascendent goes and bargains for his own soul from Mephistopheles. Mephistopheles, adding a new sheet in excel titled 'what the fuck happens when i give this soulless monster a soul to play with?', agrees and starts tracking his new data.

Obviously, just putting the soul back in yourself will fix you. But the Ascendent, the nothingness living inside Astarion's body, will die. Taking the soul back would erase itself. The Ascendent - who is survival instinct personified - would never do this.

So instead, it starts interviewing and cannibalising the soul. Bc a soul is what it needs, this is the closest it's ever felt to being alive. Bc it's made this all about Rosalie, he thinks he's found his solution. The chase is making him feel alive again. It's true love, lads! not the soul.

Wish auction happens - the Ascendent is beaten to the punch by some unknown (hot) wizard.

This avenue cut off, the Ascendent makes the decision to try and win Rosalie back.

Astarion advises that to make her come back to the Gate, he should murder a bunch of people. Because this comes from the soul, not the soulless devil nothingness, it circumvents the pact.

...The events of Pieces begin!

･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ･ﾟ✧

And finally - the Ascendent tries to destroy Jar!Starion for many reasons in Chapter 19:

The Ascendent knows that it dies, if the soul and the body get reunited (or is that constant high alert survival instinct just no longer needed, because the problem is fixed? you decide.)

The Ascendent values Tav above itself. Tav is going to fix them. Astarion believes he could never fix himself.

Dissociation - that soul isn't me. I'm here, looking at my soul. If I get too close, it'll kill me.

Self-hatred - that soul isn't me. That man made a mistake, and I've had to live with the consequences. He doesn't deserve to live, for what he's made me become.

The knowledge that Rosalie/Tav will only ever want that version of him, not the one that's living and breathing, that sees itself as the most wretched, fucked-up version of itself. So... give them no choice. They have to deal with me and love me at my worst.

And if the Rite didn't work - if the version of the Ascendent walking around isn't the best one, and the one people want... what was it all for? Why does the Ascendent feel like this? Why does it have to suffer?

･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ･ﾟ✧

....And, that's my little meta post! If anyone has any questions about the timeline or any motivations at any points in the fic, I'm obviously more than happy to explain things via ask/comment, as always!

TLDR: I just wanted to make a Gothic horror. I wanted a dark romance, fucked up obsession vampire/mortal dynamic, but I also wanted a situation that was scary for both Astarion and my Tav. I personally think an Astarion who is so dissociated and separate from reality that he feels that in his bones daily, is scary. It's the lingering impact of the traumas the Rite and those 7,000 souls embodied.

I was literally just trying to make it a horror, for everyone involved.

[ladypeonies]

"Acting is a dangerous profession."

credit.

Some people will watch this extract and just brush if off perhaps as fanservice and miss the point completely. What I like about Chris and Xuan it’s how candid and honest they are about the whole process.

The host says it all, “acting is a dangerous profession,” and both actors agreed. She’s right. So many fans don’t get it, and they focus on the superficial. It’s not just a dangerous profession in Asia. In my opinion it’s more challenging there because most of entertainment industries in Asia rely a lot on Method acting and immersion. You have notice how they call themselves by their character names, on and off set and it has several purposes. I won’t dwell on them here because this post would be too long.

And you have method acting which I have several issues with. It’s basically psychology. I’m not going to write an essay on it here, it basically means one can convince themselves of anything and you can become anyone you want. It’s becoming someone else entirely for a time, by changing your habits based on your environment. You study a character and become them, by assuming their point of view, mannerism, state of mind etc. If they drink you start drinking, if they love someone you love them too etc. Some actors are strongly against method acting for a reason and stick to use their imagination which is way safer. In a live Xuan talked about how physically and mentally it impacted him.

You are still yourself but you can’t escape your character, their emotions bleeds into you. And you use it to play the best version of them by using your body. Of course, Xuan fell in love with his co-star and had all those “evil” thoughts. He learned to fall in love with him and make him the centre of his universe. The preparation for the role, to build a bond took longer than the whole filming.

So, any actor in their shoes will feel the same, if they say no well, they are either lying or just bad method actors, that’s it, no in between.

The trick is to use those emotions while filming and then to be able to let them go. And that’s the issue, because for many it takes time to do so and get rid of them. Notice how Xuan doesn’t say while they were filming NC scenes he had evil thoughts but he was sitting there, so before or even after. The thing is if you hold on to those emotions it can hurt your mental health. They can be addictive. Under those circumstances sometimes there is a co-pendency which appear between actors. I remember an actor explaining how he basically went through a heartbreak because he got attached to his co-star who was engaged to someone else and he was full of emotions for his on-screen partner. And those emotions weren’t there before they started filming. And they knew each other, they were friends before and he never felt that way about them. And his mind knew they weren’t a good match but he kept longing for them.

I talked here about the bubble actors found themselves in. And the best remedy to get rid of those feelings, thoughts are a healthy distance, and being back to oneself. I hear often, “they’re just acting, it’s their job…” etc. Actors aren’t robot. There is a process to play a role and they all have a process to get out of a particular challenging role. Obviously, all roles aren’t the same.

Another thing: Chris and Xuan are friends and were friends but under the circumstances, they don’t have the same friendship they had before filming, the one from a year or two years ago. Friendship 101 had specific boundaries, and now there are new ones in friendship 201. It’s not possible to know the taste of your friend’s mouth, their skin, and be in the same exact friendship. Actors are not robots there isn’t a reset button. Now there is a new set of boundaries. Perhaps before there wasn’t any skinship now because there are use to each other touch, there is more skinship. Before they wouldn’t talk about certain subject, now they can. I believe they gain and also lost some things. The only possibility MAYBE to go back to friendship 101 would be a complete separation for weeks, reset. But it’s not happening because there are promotions and also, you get use to seeing each other all the time, I guess.

Now method acting and falling in love, it happens of course, but has to go through the test of time and distance.

One has a girlfriend/boyfriend and start method acting with a co-star LOL. 9 out 10 people will break up with their significant other, the GF or BF will leave, it happens all the time.

PS1: I also took the opportunity to answer a couple of asks.

PS2 :Translation by Wava please be kind to your translators and grateful for the work they do, I personally hate translating it can be so taxing.

[hungermakesmonsters]

(Once Bitten) Twice Shy

Chapter Three

Plot summary : Desperate to get away from your controlling family, you take a job in New York as a wealthy vampire's blood source. A million dollars awaits if you can make it through a year, but life with Billy Russo is not going to be as simple as you think.

Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader

Story Rating : R  Chapter Rating : M - frisky but not entirely smutty

Warnings : [This is a fic for 18+ only, minors DNI] There's some friskiness and a mention of a self-inflicted cut. All chapters will contain mentions of blood. Please check the warnings on each chapter if you choose to follow this story. 

Word Count : 4.8k

A/N : Keeping with my tradition of Billy going a little feral in the third chapter. Also a tumblr bug keeps messing up my tag lists.

CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO

Chapter Three

Sleep didn’t come easily that night. Instead, you found yourself tossing and turning, playing that moment over and over in your mind; the way his dark eyes had seemed to look right through you, the way his cold hand had felt on your neck over your racing pulse. Just thinking about it caused your body to heat and your cheeks to burn with shame.

What would have happened if he hadn’t pulled away?

What would you have let happen?

Fingers gripped the fabric of your satin pyjamas, your hand anchoring itself as you resisted the urge to relieve the gentle throb that still lingered between your thighs.

What had he done to you?

Had he done anything at all?

You weren’t sure. You’d heard stories of vampires seducing people, bending them to their wills but, honestly, it hadn’t felt like that. And if it had been that, why had he pulled away? No, you’d been annoyed with him, you’d wanted to show him that you weren’t some silly naive child who didn’t know what she was doing, only it had backfired.

Eventually sleep claimed you, his words echoing in your mind as you drifted off; ‘like sunlight and innocence, sweet, like warm honey.’

Five hours later, your alarm startled you awake. You felt exhausted but sleep had cleared your head enough to let you think more objectively and to help you realise that you’d been a little ridiculous. His touch had caught you off-guard but he hadn’t done anything to you beyond that and, if anything, you’d been the one thinking about him kissing you. You were the one who had wanted him to kiss you.

As much as you hated to admit it, you were starting to go a little stir-crazy trapped in the penthouse, and Billy was - well, he was just about the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. And while he annoyed you with the smug way he looked at you and the way he spoke to you like he didn’t think you really understood the world that you’d found yourself in, he’d been kind so far. At least, kinder than any employer needed to be to their employee.

In a moment of silliness, you’d allowed yourself to view that kindness as something more, you’d allowed yourself to engage in some ridiculous fantasy that he might kiss you, might want you, when all he’d really done was try to keep you company.

And Lissa had warned you of the effect that your embarrassment could have on vampires. You couldn’t even begin to imagine how your racing heart must have made him feel.

After getting out of bed, you tried to go about your day as usual, trying not to think about the night before but, instead, thinking of ways to avoid it in future. It didn’t take long for you to realise that the only thing that was going to stop you from going stir-crazy was going outside, being able to leave the penthouse for a few hours. You didn’t know what you’d do or where you’d go, but you were certain that it would help.

But you’d need permission to go outside, and that meant you were going to have to ask Billy. 

The more you thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed - of course he’d agree, why wouldn’t he? Your job was to provide blood, and all that really took was ten to twenty minutes of your day. As long as there was something waiting for him in the fridge every day, did it really matter where you’d been?

Of course, you understood that there were other rules, things you’d have to remember; only eating food from the approved list (though, once you started thinking about that you weren’t sure why that was so important), no sex (something you were embarrassingly used to), and not letting any other vampires feed from you (which you had no intention of doing regardless of Mr Russo’s rules). The point was that you could stick to his rules just as easily out of the penthouse as you could inside of it so, to your mind at least, there really was no reason for him to refuse to give you permission to go out.

You distracted yourself by doing some baking, paying more attention to the approved food list than you had since arriving. Maybe you’d ask Billy about it, get him to explain why you weren’t allowed to eat certain things. For one little cynical moment, it almost felt like he wanted to control every aspect of your life, even though your job didn’t require it.

Once you’d had dinner, you decided to remain in your rooms, distracting yourself with Netflix for an hour or so before it was time to draw blood and take it out ready for Billy. 

You stepped out of your quarters just as he was emerging from his rooms. For a second he seemed almost shocked that you weren’t in your usual place on the sofa, but he didn’t seem to dwell on the thought. Instead his eyes dropped to the blood in your hand.

“Excellent timing,” he said with a grin, heading towards the kitchen.

For a second you hesitated, not saying a word when you finally made your way towards him, watching his back as he pulled an insulated travel mug from a cupboard. 

Was going to take your blood with him? Was he going to walk the streets of New York sipping your blood like it was his venti cappuccino from Starbucks? The thought unsettled you, though you weren’t sure why. Still, you placed the bottle down on the counter beside him and took a step back.

“Did you not watch the sunset tonight?” He asked, his attention momentarily turning to you. You shook your head and mumbled something about being tired. If he cared, he didn’t let it show, quickly turning his attention back to your blood. “Still warm,” he remarked quietly, running his teeth over his lower lip as he poured it into his travel mug.

A memory from the night before came back to you, completely unbidden; the sound he’d made, that gentle almost-moan from the back of his throat. Your blood had still been warm then too - was that how he preferred it? Did it remind him of drinking from a person rather than a glass? You shook your head, trying to force that thought away.

“I -” you opened your mouth and the word just tumbled out.

Billy turned back to you, pressing the lid onto the mug in his hand. He waited a beat before prompting you to continue; “yes?”

“I -” you started again, your cheeks warming and your heart beating a little fast. The way his eyes narrowed a little told you that he could hear it, and that just made you feel worse. “I was wondering if I could have permission to go outside tomorrow.”

“Oh,” that single syllable making your request sound banal and trivial. He regarded you for a moment. “No, not to tomorrow,” he decided, but before you could open your mouth to respond, he continued; “we can discuss it tomorrow evening.”

“But, I -” you started but stopped the moment he let out an irritated sigh.

“Are you not happy here? Would you like to terminate your contract?” He asked, as if you’d been asking him for far more than just a few hours outside.

“It’s not that,” you tried to explain, again feeling so small in front of him, “It’s just... lonely being on my own all the time, and being cooped up indoors is -”

“I said we can discuss it tomorrow evening.”

You fell silent, gaze dropping to the floor as he walked away from you, heading towards the elevator. Once he was inside and the door had shut, you kicked the nearest kitchen unit in frustration, achieving nothing but hurting your bare foot.

Storming back to your room, you felt - you felt like a child, like you’d been refused permission to play outside with your friends. It felt like you’d just been grounded, even though you’d done nothing wrong. 

But you weren’t a child, you were an adult, and he had no right to make you feel so small and pathetic.

You paced your room in anger, feeling claustrophobic, like you’d never get to leave. He’d make you spend a whole year trapped indoors just because he could. It felt like you’d traded one prison for another by coming to New York, by taking this job. But, if you left now, where would you go? 

As much as you wanted to call Lissa and tell her you wanted your things so you could leave, you had no money and nowhere to go but home, and that fate seemed far worse than this one. 

Despite feeling tired, you spent another restless night before sleep claimed you, and you woke with a headache that followed you for the rest of the day. You felt listless and, for the first time since arriving, you didn’t want to follow the schedule that you’d created for yourself; you didn’t take a walk on the treadmill, didn’t visit the library to listen to music or read, you could barely even bring yourself to eat beyond some toast for breakfast and noodles for dinner.

He said you could talk about being allowed out that evening but, the longer you were left with that thought, the more you managed to convince yourself that he’d just say no. So, you decided to save him the effort of the conversation. You drew blood early, long before you expected him to emerge from his rooms, and placed it in the refrigerator for him before returning to your bedroom and locking the door. 

You spent the rest of the evening just like you’d spent the day; in your pyjamas watching crappy cartoons on Netflix, trying not to think about how you were going to survive a whole year of this when you hadn’t even managed to make it to two weeks before starting to come apart at the seams.

It was easy to lose track of time and fall asleep on the sofa in your room only to wake up a few hours later, uncomfortable and cold. You eventually went to bed, not bothering to set an alarm for the next morning, laying in until some time after midday. 

The extra sleep didn’t help matters and, somehow, you still felt exhausted. Something else you decided to blame on being stuck indoors. 

You forced yourself to shower and wash your hair before putting on some clean clothes, hoping that it would make you feel a little bit better about yourself. It did, but you definitely hadn’t done yourself any favours by not eating much the day before. You tried to make up for it by cooking yourself a proper meal for dinner.

Drawing blood left you feeling sick but you decided to get it over and done with early, so you could crawl back into bed, but you should have known that it wouldn’t be that easy.

When you stepped out into the penthouse, you were surprised to find him out there, sitting on the sofa, hours before sunset. You faltered, thinking about turning back, but you had blood for him. He didn’t even have to look to realise you were there.

“I must have missed you last night,” he said, finally turning to look at you, ignoring your obvious uncertainty. “Or were you avoiding me?”

“I thought my job was to provide you with blood, not be your friend,” you answered sharply, heading towards the kitchen, wanting to get the moment over and done with as quickly as possible.

“You’re upset with me?” When the question was left unanswered, he got to his feet and followed you to the kitchen. “Is this because I wouldn’t give you permission to go out?”

You didn’t even look at him as you placed the blood in the fridge and turned to head back to your room. But he wasn’t going to let you walk away. He stepped in front of you, blocking you, his cold hand beneath your chin urging you to look at him.

“I can’t fix whatever this is if you don’t explain it to me,” he told you, hand lingering beneath your chin, making sure you didn’t look away.

Standing in front of him like this, you finally got a true appreciation of his height and just how much he towered over you.

“You told me that I have power in this arrangement,” you spoke around the lump in your throat, forcing yourself to hold his gaze. “It doesn’t feel like I do.”

“You do, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

“Then why can’t I go out? Why is it such a big deal for me to go to a coffee shop or a museum for a couple of hours?” You asked, trying to ignore the cold, light touch of his fingers. “Why do I even need permission?”

“Because it isn’t safe,” Billy stated flatly. “For either of us.”

You weren’t sure what explanation you’d been expecting him to offer, but that certainly hadn’t been it.

“What do you mean?” Your confusion written across your face.

“I thought you understood what you were getting into when you took this job,” Billy sighed, his hand finally dropping back to his side

“I -” your gaze dropped again but only for a moment, “- I thought I did too.”

As much as it made you feel helpless, like some stupid, naive child, you were willing to confess in this instance that you didn’t understand. But you wanted to. You wanted to know why he seemed so intent on keeping you in the penthouse, and why he thought your going outside might be dangerous for either of you.

“Just because this is legal it doesn’t mean that people are accepting of it. There are those that would hurt you to get to me, or simply because they don’t agree with our arrangement.” Another sigh slipped from his lips and you watched as his shoulder lifted in an uncomfortable half-shrug. “I told you, you’re my responsibility, and if anything happened to you -”

“Why isn’t it safe for you if I go out?” You asked, wanting to understand which of you he was truly trying to protect.

“Because I’m the monster that’s taking advantage of the sweet, innocent young girl’s desperation, keeping you in my thrall so I can drain your blood,” he stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world, as if that was what was actually happening here. “If anyone found out, they’d burn the building to the ground.”

There was something about his voice, something that you knew should have scared you, something dark and sinister. You felt your cheeks start to heat, and that strange unwanted feeling growing in your stomach.

“I’m not -”

“What? Sweet? Innocent? Desperate?” The corners of his lips curled upwards as his dark eyes stared into yours. “Or do you really believe you’re not in my thrall?”

Your cheeks felt like they were burning and, despite taking a slow breath, your heart started to beat a little fast. His lips continued to curl upwards, and it took you a few seconds to realise that he was joking.

“That’s not funny,” you remarked quietly.

“It doesn’t have to be funny,” he shrugged, “it’s what people will believe regardless of what I do.”

“It’s not like I’d go out and tell people what I do for you.”

“Of course you wouldn’t. Who’d want to admit to any of this?” There was a hint of bitterness in his voice and you immediately felt bad. 

As complicated as all of this was and as much as you didn’t like how much control he had over things, it was what you’d accepted and agreed to. He wasn’t holding you prisoner, you could quit whenever you wanted. By admitting that you’d want to keep this hidden, you were admitting to being ashamed of what you were doing, you were admitting that some part of you felt like it was wrong.

All he’d really done was give you a job. And all he was doing was trying to exist.

Billy allowed the silence to linger for a few moments before breaking it.

“Like I said, we can discuss the possibility of you going out, but I would prefer that you didn’t go alone.”

“But, how - I mean, you can’t -”

“Go out during the day? No, I can’t,” he decided to intervene and save you any further embarrassment. “But I have human friends or, if you’d prefer, there are plenty of places open after dark. We could even go to dinner...”

“Dinner?” It seemed like a strange offer for him to make. “I didn’t think vampires ate?”

Billy gave the slightest huff of laughter, no doubt at your lack of knowledge. He shook his head, obviously forcing back his smile.

“We can eat, it just doesn’t sustain us the way it does for humans.”

“Oh,” was the only word you allowed to fall from your lips. You had questions - so many questions - but you didn’t want to ask because it would just show your ignorance further. And it didn’t even cross your mind that your boss had basically just asked you to go to dinner with him.

“I can’t promise I’ll be able to arrange anything straight away, but if you really want to go out I’ll sort something out. I just need you to be patient, okay?” He told you and you nodded, not happy but certainly feeling a little bit better knowing that you’d eventually be able to go outside.

The conversation over, you wanted to return to your room and rest, hoping you’d feel better by tomorrow. But you didn’t move and neither did Billy. He stayed silent, watching you, considering you for a moment.

Then his hand was on your cheek and your breath caught.

“You look tired,” his voice soft now, sad even.

“I’m fine,” you lied.

“You’re not. You’re not sleeping enough and you haven’t been eating properly.”

“How -” you shook your head, deciding you didn’t want to know, but Billy decided to answer regardless.

“Your blood.” When you didn’t respond, he continued. “The agreement is that you stay in good health, that includes eating and sleeping. I know that all of this has been an adjustment for you, but I need to know that going forward you’ll do what’s required to take care of yourself.”

You almost wanted to laugh. For a split-second you’d almost thought that he might actually be concerned for you, that he might care about your wellbeing. But, no, he only cared because - what? Your blood didn’t taste as nice when you were tired and hungry? 

“Yes, Mr Russo,” you answered, finally forcing yourself to take a step back, causing his hand to fall away from your cheek.

He was about to remind you to call him Billy but, obviously, he thought better of it. Nodding, he let you go.

“I won’t be back until late tomorrow night,” he told you and, again, all you could do was nod as you slipped back through the door to your rooms and headed for your bedroom.

As you sat down on your sofa and turned on the TV, you couldn’t help but think over everything that had been said. You could still hear the bitterness in his voice when you’d admitted that you didn’t want anyone to know about your arrangement. With time to think about it, you knew it wasn’t fair; people might not accept or understand it but, really, it was no one else’s business what either of you did. Besides, what was the alternative? Plenty of people sold blood, a lot of them made a living working for blood farms. How was this any different? 

You even grudgingly understood why he wasn’t comfortable letting you go out without an escort. The longer you sat and thought about it the more conflicted you felt. Billy seemed to be trying and you were - you didn’t even know what you were doing anymore. You were being difficult. In part that was because of him, because of his demeanour, because he was just so damned attractive, but that didn’t excuse your behaviour.

Regardless of how you felt about him or about anything, you’d agreed to his conditions at the start of this and you didn’t get to throw a tantrum when you didn’t get your way. If Billy was willing to meet you halfway, then that would have to do.

Not wanting to think about it anymore, you sat back and watched TV, trying to relax before you finally went to bed.

The next day was a reset, you started your little schedule all over again, and you decided that you were going to make more of an effort. This was a job and you were getting paid over two and a half thousand dollars a day, you needed to remember that fact. You needed this to work out. It was only a year and, after that, you’d never have to follow rules again.

You felt better, you felt like the last few days had been nothing more than a bump in the road; you were still getting used to everything, still getting used to dealing with Billy, that was all. 

It was nice having some space, knowing that you wouldn’t have to try and make conversation with him that night. It meant you could sit and read out in the penthouse and watch the sun going down. Though, it would have been a lie to say that you didn’t wonder where he was or what he was doing.

Before going to bed that night, you drew blood and left it in the fridge for him, for whenever he returned. Tomorrow, you’d bring up the subject of going outside again, even if it meant going out at night with him. With a tired sigh, you closed your eyes and quickly fell asleep

The sound of breaking glass and a pained howl pulled you from your sleep. It was still pitch black outside and, without thinking, you quickly left your room and headed out into the penthouse. 

The lights were on and it took a moment for your eyes to adjust. The source of the noise was easy to spot; Billy in the kitchen, braced against the counter like it was the only thing holding him up, his head hanging forwards. The floor was a mess of blood and broken glass, and it was starting to become apparent what had happened here.

“Mr Russo?” You called softly, daring to slowly step towards him. He didn’t answer, so you tried again. “Billy?”

Tension seemed to fill his body, like a predator getting ready to pounce, but he didn’t move.

“Stay back.” 

It wasn’t his voice, it wasn’t that rough, dark tone that you’d been playing over in your head, it was something else. A snarl, an angry and desperate sound that had managed to claw and tear its way out of him.

Your heart started to pound, every ounce of common sense you possessed telling you to turn back, to lock yourself in your room. But you couldn’t. You couldn’t leave him not knowing if he was alright. It just wasn’t how you were raised.

“What happened?” A stupid question, but it helped break the silence. “Do you need help cleaning -”

He turned and your heart skipped a couple of beats, squeezing in your chest, causing your breath to catch. His dark eyes were almost completely black, like endless voids staring at you; his face was paler than ever and his hands were trembling uncontrollably at his sides.

You’d only seen something like this once before but you knew immediately what was happening.

He was  hungry.

“I said stay back,” his teeth bared, his voice causing your stomach to knot.

By the time you reached the kitchen, he’d turned to face you, his body pressed back against the counter like he was trying to keep himself away from you. You mind raced, trying to figure out what to do, trying to figure out how to help him. You couldn’t leave him like this - if not for his sake, but for the sake of anyone who might come across him.

(You were going to have to feed him, but you couldn’t let him bite you. You wouldn’t let him bite you.)

With slow movements, you reached for the cutlery drawer and cautiously removed a knife. You saw his eyes widen, a flicker of shock and fear on his face, like he thought you were going to turn the knife on him. But, without pause or hesitation, you drew the blade across your palm and offered him your bloody hand.

“Here,” you offered timidly.

“What are you -” but his words fell dead the second he looked at your hand. For a second he shrank back, fighting his nature as the hungry look on his face turned more desperate. Without warning, he surged forwards, taking your hand in his and pulling it to his lips. Your heart continued to race as you felt his lips against the wound, pounding an uncomfortable rhythm that echoed in your ears. 

You heard that sound from him again only, this time, it wasn’t suppressed; a guttural moan that vibrated through his chest as he pressed himself closer and closer to you. He didn’t stop pressing forward until you felt the counter at your back, his hard body against yours, leaving no space between you.

The floor disappeared beneath you. No, you quickly realised that you had been lifted up, placed on the counter. His hips slotted between your thighs, pressing closer still, and - oh.

You gasped at the hard outline of his cock between your legs and the way he started to grind himself against you. It was too much and not enough all at once. It was wrong and you knew it shouldn’t be happening but all you could think about was satisfying the dull throb that you’d felt between your legs for days. It wasn’t long before your cheeks started to heat, feeling the wetness of your arousal quickly soaking through your satin pyjama bottoms. Instead of coming to your senses and pulling away, you wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him closer.

A whimper escaped you as his free hand slipped beneath your pyjama top, his cold fingers trailing upwards until his hand was palming your breast, his icy touch causing your nipple to pebble. 

The longer it went on, the more it felt like some wonderful dream, like it wasn’t really happening. You felt like you could float away at any more moment, the whole world turning on its axis, all because of him. You couldn’t think why, couldn’t summon enough rational thought to think those feelings through, not when you could feel just how thick and hard his cock was.

His lips pulled from your hand, leaving you feeling breathless. The blood smeared across his mouth should have disgusted you - everything about this should have disgusted you - but it didn’t. All you could think about was the euphoric sensation of his hips moving against yours, pushing you closer and closer to a breaking point, so you didn’t shy away when his blood-slick lips slanted over yours or when his tongue slipped into your mouth.

The taste of your blood on his lips barely even seemed to register. You didn’t care. You couldn’t care. Everything about the moment was intoxicating, you felt drunk, lightheaded, like you couldn’t even control your own body anymore. All you could do was exist in the moment.

Your hands gripped his shoulders, blood soaking into his shirt as you held tight. Soon enough, your hips started moving against his, desperately seeking the sensation that now felt so close. All the while Billy kept kissing you, letting out unrestrained groans against your lips, obviously chasing his own satisfaction.

Desperate for breath, your lips finally pulled from his, your head dropped back taking gasped breaths between your moans. But it wasn’t enough to stop the room from spinning, to stop the feeling of losing yourself completely.

“My little hummingbird,” you heard him groan. 

Fingers fisted his hair as his lips moved to your neck, rough kisses quickly giving way to sucking and licking at your skin, while the press of his cock became more frenzied. Then you felt the scrape of teeth against your throat and -

Your vision swam, overcome by the most violent orgasm you’d ever experienced; your body shivering and shaking with the intensity of it before you slumped forward into his arms, losing consciousness.

End Note : Idk why Billy always goes feral in the third chapter but here we are. Hope you all enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reading!!

Tumblr is being stupid and only letting me mention 5 people at a time so this week I'm going to try putting all the mentions in the comments for the tag list. Sorry if you didn't get tagged last chapter

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged in future chapters! If tagging doesn't work for some reason (aka Tumblr being dumb) I post most Fridays around 7:30 gmt.

Tag List:

Tag List : @vaguekayla @thdcre @rensolodriver @house-husband-of-castlemurdock @snowkestrel @danzer8705 @noortsshift @aoi-targaryen @lincerad @vxnity713 @readerinsertsaremyguiltypleasure @dreadfulxives18 @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @glamourbabe17 @sweetserendipity65 @damagelove @strangerfromketterdam @a-starrynightwith-u @readingabouthim @countryday

[super-paper]

Not "AFO being the final boss undoes all of Tomura's development," or "the body snatching plot line was a last minute decision," but a secret third fourth fifth sixth and seventh thing....

3. ("Weekly manga is an inherently flawed storytelling medium when it comes to telling cohesive stories, and authors are often required to stretch their main plot points thin over hundreds of chapters/several years. When you sit down to analyze or critique MHA, I sincerely feel you need to take the restriction of its medium/genre as well as the restrictions on the artist into consideration. One must also consider that this is a story that has been written over the course of a decade-- A certain degree of "mutation" between the story's beginning and its ending is both acceptable & anticipated within this medium.")

4. ("That being said, Hori does consistently do a much better job of telling a coherent story with consistent themes than people give him credit for, and credit should be given where it's due-- while there are some poorly/hastily implemented narrative elements and plot points where it can be argued that Hori decided to change gears, they are not the story-breaking sins that people make them out to be. And ultimately, Tomura's possession does work as a natural progression of the story Hori is attempting to tell and as something that builds off and solidifies the themes established throughout MHA.")

5. ("Tomura's arc is that of a victim trapped in the cycle of abuse told through a lens of fantasy. He was always a victim of AFO and always someone who had his identity abused out of him, and the body-snatch plotline is just a variation of telling that story in a way that leaves no room for argument. Tomura's arc and Izuku's arc also foil and build off each other, and a lot of the misunderstandings I've seen re: MHA's trajectory come from fans who either disregard Izuku's arc in favor of fixating on Tomura's arc (or vice versa) instead of reading these arcs as two parts of a whole-- both arcs grapple with "identity" and how you define yourself vs how others try to define you, the romanticization of self-destructive traits and how it's necessary to have good social support and people who are willing to step in and stop you from hurting yourself, systemic and individual dehumanization, adults failing to protect them when they need it, valid anger and an intolerance for injustice being taken advantage of a twisted into something intensely self-destructive, etc. Ignoring Izuku's arc and how it both reflects and intertwines with Tomura's (& vice versa) means missing out on understanding the core of both characters and what their respective roles in this narrative is. TL;DR Tomura being a victim in need of saving and Izuku being the one in a position to save him is something that has been cooking since Tomura's debut at USJ *more on this later*")

6. ("Hori started off not wanting to give his villains any humanizing qualities because he wanted them to remain "scary" to his readers-- but it's fairly clear that he developed a sense of appreciation and sympathy for his villains as his story progressed and his ability as a writer developed. As a direct result of this, his story eventually grew beyond treating the LOV as hollow tools to "scare" the readers. Hori grew, and so did MHA. The trajectory of the story changing to reflect Hori's growth should not be treated as a bad thing bc, again, this change/growth does not actually violate the initial premise of MHA in an unforgiveable way-- it actually services the natural progression of the story and its characters.")

7. ("Saving Tomura and the LOV is the ultimate goal of the series, and that goal is built off of literally everything Hori has established up to this point. You will never find inner peace or enjoy the manga's good qualities if you keep agonizing over what could have been. Reacting to the manga as a whole on a week-to-week basis will only skew your understanding of the story as a whole. Et cetera Et cetera Et cetera.")

[mihai-florescu]

Hm... i do wish it was normalized to talk about how yes you can have an interesting meaningful story involving characters with ocd coded or intrusive thoughts towards younger characters and it can be an important character trait that doesnt define them or one that is indicative of a set of values etc but you as a fan need to simultaneously be aware of the context of the story. Why do you think i lament being forsaken to like gacha games stories. The choices are made with intent to sell and appeal to an audience that will pay. I just think it's important to keep it mind that, and it pains me to see people who express concern at intentionality being labeled "freaks cuz they thought of that in the first place" i promise you theyre not the freaks for being concerned. So while i do think HE is definitely trying to appeal to new younger audiences with modern teen characters and the use of tiktok, it is important to keep history, audience, and possible further interests in mind too. Well from the bottom of my heart i hope none of the new characters ever get cards like that one hyena aira 4* but it is always good to stay cautious. I dont understand how ppl parrot being "critical of the media we consume" but then not being ok with talking about such fanservice that is undeniably there. Yet i understand reluctancy to admit you're not the target audience, and the willingness to just ignore anything you dont like... i might've been guilty of it myself at points.

[crispycreambacon]

I really wanna discuss Ryan/Professor with someone, but the problem is that people barely know of this ship 'cause the show isn't meant for shipping, and if they do, they either hate it, ship it only as a joke or are wildly horny over it like.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who interprets this ship the way I do, and it sucks 'cause gAH I WANNA TALK ABOUT IT but the chance of someone hearing me out is so low, if anyone wants to hear me out, please let me know 💀🙏🏽

[kdsburneraccount]

every now and then i feel tempted to make some kind of thinkpiece abt how the patriots ruined the ecosystem of nfl rpf but tbf its more like there were a couple of really avid edelmandola fans that only wrote that pairing from like 2015-2019 ish and then like general consequences of a team being mega dominant for an extended amount of time

[crescentfool]

doing things outside of your usual is such a humbling experience...

[darkwood-sleddog]

pride this year for me has been about using my new position of power within my community to force change and acceptance. even subtly. i wore my bi flag pin this week, i have never come out to any of my co workers, i didn’t feel the need to. But now that I’m elected and have solidified myself for years as a fixture in my community I’m forcing everybody that comes into my rural office to ask a service of me to interact with somebody wearing a pride pin. You want me to issue your marriage license? Your dog license? Notarize your documents? You’re getting a bisexual doing those services. Ordering new indexing cards for our birth, death, and marriage index i’ve made the switch to more gender neutral language and options because that’s something I can control and it’s wonderful.

I looked the gay man that came in scared of his neighbor in the eyes and there was a mutual understanding between us that we knew of each other and I assured him of his safety with me, he spoke in codes I was only familiar with from my days years ago in drag clubs in a less liberal area of the country. We understood each other.  Yesterday, the first day of June, we hired not only a woman to an opening in a widely male dominated planning board, but an openly lesbian woman. 

Vermont may be more welcoming to LBGTQ+ folks compared to many areas of the united states, but being open can still feel scary to many. Some of us still feel the need to speak in code in our widely left leaning, blue voting communities which is in part due to how past people in similar positions of power to me have acted towards them. But i can help change that, even if just a little. If you’re LGBTQ+ you are safe in my office and safe in my care. 

[pinkhysteria]

‘damon is a vampire, this is a vampire show, how can you criticize him for anything!? 🙄’ and it’s about people uncomfortable with him having multiple instances of going out of his way to excessively punish women for not returning his feelings like a lame regular human 4chanreddit incel 💀

[wedding-shemp]

I sort of don't think "those babies were MERELY murdered and not decapitated so what are you whining about" is the winning argument some of you think it is

[scarletiswailing347]

need to find a fanfic writer bestie or something cause im in the mood (always in the mood) to draw for fanfics but i have a Lot of trouble doing so without being told first (mostly cause i have a lot of trouble reading fanfics period lol)

[wereh0gz]

Didn't say it in the tags of prev rb but y'know what I'm gonna say it here I'm like 99% sure the unwillingness to engage with art beyond face value is how you get ppl who think fiction doesn't affect reality in any way

[mejomonster]

Enforcing boundaries has only been a positive since learning and practicing. Every relationship that’s good for my life remains good or gets even better, every relationship that’s hurt me either improves or falls away either way leaving a lot of relief and life just becomes a lot less stressful. If you worry you take care of others and forget yourself and don’t want to say no to people even when doing so would help you feel better, if you feel guilty a lot in life over a lot of things, i really think boundaries would help. i promise the good relationships in life will only continue to be good or become better, and the ones that hurt will stop and it will feel better in the long run. 

this article might help but there’s honestly a plethora of info, find explanations that are helpful for you