#but im trying to fight this and finally post my art! to anyone feeling something similar; im sending u all my support!!

[savrr]

Arjuna . Dhanañjaya (धनञ्जय) – one who conquered wealth and gold .

[iliacium]

I would KILL for more XPapyrus and Cross, my fontcest OTP, actually, haha. i love their dynamic, especially with how strained their relationship feels. sometimes the best way to let off steam is a kiss or a hug or who knows what, you know? I like seeing their relationship as less than healthy, more of a coping mechanism to distract from everything around them.

the feeling that they can't trust anyone so might as well trust eachother. they're brothers right? that has to mean SOMETHING...

they have dreams of pursuing a healthier path, but this is all they have, it's something. and they'll take it. the need for affection and love is killer.

- 🕊⭐️

(sorry for the rambles haha, hope it's ok)

im so glad there r so many xcest enjoyers........ u share my vision so hard 🥺🥺 i absolutely adore the strain of their relationship too and it's honestly the only thing keeping me invested in underv/erse.... like don't get me wrong i love the multiverse but that series is alllll abt the xtaIe crew too me!!! and i'm on edge just wondering what will happen when xpap and cross finally meet after soooo long.... OUGHHGGHH </333

like their parting gift was literally xpap trying to pacify his brother, only for him to cut him to pieces in return. i'm looking forward to their reunion and see their mutual grudges. the guilt + regret. and i already know it's gonna be sooooo heartwrenching <- (delusional)

which is why every piece of canon art i see where they are affectionate with each other destroys me inside and out. like ur take on them is soso based omg they would ESPECIALLY during xtaIe itself. have you SEEN how much xpap fights for cross in 21 years. and secret entries gaster says he knows how tight knit they always were just like their classic versions (so much so that they'd be able to raise each other by themselves but he still felt obligated to raise them (WHICH IS. A WHOLE OTHER THING.))

so they would absolutely decieve themselves into believing that even through the hell gaster put them thru they still yearn to be together. because they think it's the only sense of normalcy left after their universe was shattered and discarded, a sans and a pap. i hope xpap feels obligated to betray xgaster so he could be with cross. it's the only kind of happiness left he can ever hope to achieve. and i hope cross feels the most guilt for slaying his own brother for trying to help him.

so can u just imagine. post xtaIe, the sheer need for them to be together again. but they just can't. it's gonna take so much for their relationship to heal and it probably will never resemble what it was meant to be again but they can TRY

anyway. i'll probably get back to drawing them after the semester ends ( ^ω^ ) in the meantime enjoy this gif from uvstudios

[bookloverbilly]

billy hargrove’s natal chart - a dissection

okay so im an astrology freak and decide to punch billy’s bday into a birth chart calculator with random times to get his natal chart and figure out what his rising sign is (as well as his other placements). obv astrology is whatever you want it to mean/not mean but his chart is... interesting to say the least! long post under the cut.

(i am shaking and crying as i type this up, our poor boy)

the first time I plugged in (cant remember what it was) he got libra rising. makes sense, given he cares abt his looks a lot, but it wasnt quite right. libra risings are all abt harmony and bringing people together, wanting to create a seamless and beautiful existence for themselves. that is not billy. that man is chaos.

next he got scorpio. a good contender, but a lot of scorpio risings are a speek-unless-spoken-to group. with friends they are loud and feel like they can be their true selves, but scorpio risings often come off as introverted and only concerned with themselves (which is not true, they just typically dont feel the need to butt into every convo around them & have no desire to do so). this also didnt feel right for billy. he’s loud, he’s confident, he’s the center of attention. when he is in the room you know it.

which brings me to my third and final try....

Leo rising. that just sounds right, doesnt it? I mean, just looking at billy he already has a golden lions mane. not to mention his pride in himself, his confidence, the way he fights dirty when he feels made a fool. oh yeah. he’s a leo rising for sure.

so what does that make the rest of his chart?

well, to the surprise of no one, billy has fire signs for his big 3!

with his sun in aries, his moon in sag, and his rising in leo, it’s no wonder this firecracker lit up our hearts!! i mean, hes unhinged!! a ball of rage!!! a fire that consumes all he comes across!!

his aries sun is something we all picked up on from the get go--his ego is entirely consumed by fire. he’s a leader, the king of hawkins, and he makes sure everyone knows it.

his sag moon rules his emotions and can make them volatile, but not in the way you might think. he has split-second decision making and can be quite impulsive because of the way his emotions burn through him, yes. but as someone with a sag moon as well, i can attest that the "bad” emotions (anger, sadness, regret, etc) last eons longer than “good” emotions, which can make you believe youre only ever going to hurt and be hurt. sag moons are also very independent--we dont need anyone, but we like to have people in our lives we can count on. just dont get too close, or too smothering. he needs room to breathe on his own without others butting in. (knowing hes a sag moon for sure... yeah, no wonder i became attached to this rat the first second i saw him)

the rest of his chart tells a different story (one fanfic writers have been telling for... oh, just a few years now)

“Mercury represents the way you recognize patterns, absorb and process information, and exchange ideas and information with others.”

with his pisces in mercury you may be like.... no... but HEAR ME OUT!

pisces (wherever it lands in your chart) is the most intuitive sign. Having your Mercury in Pisces amplifies your intuition and helps you "feel" things that other people only think. youre probs like “op, billy doesnt care about people” but youre WRONG. billy has had to be intuitive ever since his dad threw the first punch. he learned to read people from a very young age because of that. also, pisces placements often have a connection to the arts, and billy loves his music <3 while pisces placement are typically describes as “dreamy” i believe this was beaten out of billy at a young age. with his mother we would see this pisces placement shine, but she was out of his life before she could give him more of the whimsy he deserves.

“Venus governs courtship and adoration, as well as personal taste and aesthetics. Venus represents your values, including your relationship with finances and material possessions.”

his venus in taurus makes me want to curl up in a ball and sob and throw up an thrash around. taurus placements love stability. they love nesting, love to be comfortable and at peace in their home, love to be taken care of the same way they take care of others. in love, they take their time to truly commit to someone. they desire security, stability, and comfort. all things billy’s life is void of. god his entire existence is the opposite of what his chart says he needs to thrive.

“Mars is the planet of passion, anger, war, assertion, and separation, and its placement in your birth chart indicates how you pursue your goals, assert yourself, attack and defend, and cut people or circumstances off.”

his mars is in scopio retrograde (Rx). when mars is in retrograde, the forward energy of mars is turned inwards, rather than it being easily expressed in outward, public actions. this energy being turned towards his inner-self can feel quite intense. this can cause him to be more explosive when provoked because of the internal, personal fires raging inside of him. with mars in scorpio, billy has a tendency to be overly aggressive and pushy when he wants something (or wants you to stop doing something). howeverrrrr with it being in Rx, billy is not always able to act on his emotions and has to stifle his anger down around the object of his anger, his dad--which is why we see him blow up so often away from his home. billy is unable (through fear or otherwise) to stick up to his father, so he holds onto the emotions until he can release them on someone else. 

“Jupiter is a large and lucky planet that encourages us to expand our wealth and minds. It is the planet of abundance, growth, and optimism. This expansive planet is all about the higher mind and is associated with philosophy, truth, and religion, giving us a larger lens of which we can experience the world.”

with his jupiter in cancer, billy is a feeler. godddamn, i mean his whole chart is billy just begging someone to love him and understand him. im throwing up as i type this i just love him so much. jupiter is alllll about emotional growth, and with this planet being in cancer billy has an opportunity for growth through emotional awareness </3 cancer is a sensitive sign which means billy has a tendency to overreact and take things personally. which, yeah. billy is blamed for every wrong thing in his family’s life. compassion drives his cancer in jupiter. it is janes compassion for him that reminded billy of the love he once had in his life, and gave him the energy he needed to fight back against all the abuse he’s suffered to prove that he does care, he does love. this love quite literally saved the day, even at the expense of billy’s life. billy put his life on the line to save the life of a 13 year old he’s only ever met in his mind because she was the first person to truly see him since his mother left. im unwell typing this out. 

“Saturn represents discipline and maturity.”

with his saturn being in aries billy is sometimes at odds with himself. this tells us he can be intensely provocative one moment and fearful of showing too much of himself the next. he has a big presence, but insecurities he still needs to overcome. hes charasmatic, a leader. he can get quite defensive, which is normal for aries in saturn. he comes off as being confrontational because he might feel that he has to prove himself. bc of this insecurity, he may appear as a "show off" in a very direct manner which may make others feel uncomfortable at the overt displays of bravado.... CMON NOW... IF THAT ISNT BILLY... can also have anger management issues until you learn what is worth the effort of an emotional outburst and what isnt... HELLOOOOOOOO THATS HE!

(im skipping uranus and neptune bc theyre generational and all the kids in the show should have the same ones as him. im too lazy to look it up tho so sorry if theyre significant. i just wanna keep it to the meat and bones of billy uknow how it is.)

“Pluto shows the area of life where you'll personally face the intense powers of creation and destruction. People born with Pluto being retrograde in natal chart are very secretive and mysterious."

billy’s pluto in virgo can be obsessed with the ideals of perfection and the urge for self-purification. with this sign being in Rx, these ideals are pushed inwards. because this planet is in virgo (stability) which follows leo (chaos), this can explain the butting of heads billy experiences with his father, as his father’s generation was born with leo in pluto. billy’s virgo leads him down a path of self-analysis, self-criticism, and self-purification that caused him to “grow up” at a early age--no doubt heightened by his father’s abuse. this generation of pluto in virgo are all about raging against the machine and pushing societies boundaries. just think of this blonde bitch’s loud music and tight jeans. mans did not gaf about what others thought abt him (outwardly).

so... yeah. there’s my long winded ramble about the most important aspects of billy’s chart! idk how to read the circle chart yet, but i could make another post about his house placements or the signs i left out if you guys would want. i think his chart is rly accurate and fanfic writers are literal GODS for picking up all of this from the less-than-30-mins of screen time we got from him <3

thank you for reading and letting me spew my astrology knowledge in a fandom space <3

[anony-mouse-writer]

well if netflix is allowed to give us a crappy washed out edgelord version of winx, then im allowed to post my weird worldbuilding takes on winx club that ive been making for the last year and a half since i rewatched the show. (also i watched the 4kids version so apologies about the names)

general worldbuilding: the three schools of magix are there to train the defenders of the realms.

red fountain trains paladins and knights to protect the kingdoms and their people.

alfea trains magic users to protect the magic of the realms with a concentration on personal transformation and growth.

cloud tower trains magic users to protect the realms themsleves with a concentration on study and magical artificery. because of the rogue witches who tried to steal the dragonfire, there has been a certain amount of tension between the witches and everyone else for a few decades.

bloom: is slightly... odd growing up. sometimes her eyes glow and her base temp is a few degrees higher than is strictly healthy and she is drawn to warm spaces like lizards or cats. her mom invests in a greenhouse extension for her flowershop and no one comments on the hammock bloom strings up to sleep in. she says she’s never picked any major or job in the future because she’s okay where she is at the flower shop, but really its because she feels like shes missing something important and can’t figure it out. it doesn’t go away completely when she gets alfea either, but when she finally gets to sparks/domino, she realizes its because she is carrying the embodiment of an entire realm’s magic in her and that kinda messes up your magic a bit.

stella: solaria has several branches of royalty, but they are mainly split into the three solar courts and the lunar and stellar courts. her father is the king of the first solar courts and her mother is the queen of the lunar court. after their divorce, stella spent far more time dealing with courtly intrigue than she did practicing magic and she ends up getting held back a year at alfea due to missing several fundamental lessons. she tends to be more concerned with official standing and presentation than power or magics, but her alfea/red fountain friends are helping to teach her how normal non-manipulative friendships work.

shes sort of friends with prince skye and squire brandon and when they were kids they came up with a half-cocked plan where she married skye and dated brandon in secret and skye could fall in love with whoever he wanted and then they would be stella’s attendent so it was all covert. it was not a great plan, but it did involve several awkward third-wheeling dates on skye’s behalf and he has so much friendly blackmail in the two of them.

tecna: tecna comes from a planet where instinctual magic is a dying art. if anything, most magic users end up at cloud tower to study artificery, but tecna is determined to learn about raw magic and its applications in magi-tech. magi-tech is different from artificery because artifacts are meant to be used by magic users usually for magical or combative purposes whereas magi-tech is mean to be used by anyone for everyday applications (ie scanners, holograms, etc)

tecna’s species dosn’t have innate genders, but instead pick their gender presentations as they grow older (if at all). tecna picks female so she can attend alfea, but eventually realizes that female feels right and starts to wear less androgynous outfits on ocassion.

musa: musa’s mom used classical instruments (chinese classical, not western) and her dad used a lot more contemporary styles and tools, but together, they produced beautiful music. when her mom died, her dad grew to resent the classical instruments that reminded him of her and musa grew up with only contemporary influences. musa meets galitea (the other fairy from harmonix) in her second year of school and they have long discussions (and eventually jam sessions about musa’s inexperience with any classical or traditional instruments. musa starts to learn the flute and a few of the instruments her mom left her in secret and only tells her dad about it during the concert where she performs with them for the first time. she goes on to make fusion classical/contemporary music.

musa still has an arc with riven, but after season 1 when they break up, she spends season 2 out of any romantic relationships and season 3 realizes she has feelings for galitea. im still not sure if i want her coming to terms with her bisexuality to be tied to her coming to terms with classical music or not.

flora: floras people can talk to plants. this makes eating plants awkward. ergo, floras people are obligate carnivores who also gain energy via photosynthesis. flora is a scientist first and foremost. she studies and wants to develop new ways for plants to thrive in foreign environments without becoming invasive species and is working with both magi-tech and pure magic to find ways for people to get the most out of plants for various medicinal and magical purposes without causing any harm to the plants.

she also works on humanoid-floral communications and spends a lot of time with pumpkin-mytra and later human-myrta learning to break curses which was not her original plan but it was Very Important and so she learned it and ten it was kinda fun so she stuck with it.

layla/aisha: her parents traditional views and ideas are important to them and to ruling tides. aisha has little choice but to accept them and has no outlet for her true self for a long time, leading to some heavy suppression and anxiety. when she gets to meet the pixies, she makes friends for the first time and they teach her a bit about being herself. she still has struggles with expressing her true feelings and swings between respecting her kingdom’s traditions and resenting them for making her be someone she’s not for so long. as she develops as a person and a fairy, she learns eventually to reconcile the two in a way that might not please her parents entirely, but allows for growth and tradition both. she gets along weirdly well with stella who helps her on this journey a lot.

aisha also spends time with fairies and red fountainers (and later possibly even some witches) coming up with better communication lines and various protections for magical creatures who don’t necessarily have specific realms (ie the pixies) since they lack any kind of protection from larger threats besides their own.

other characters:

daphne is a from the fairy school of magic so her job was to protect the magic of sparks/domino when the rogue witches attacked, so she stuffed it (aka the dragonfire) into the crown princess and hid her on a null planet so the coven couldnt find it.

myrta not only moves from the witches school of magics to the fairy school of magics, but she is trans. she gets an arc where flora and later helia help her to figure out her powers and also how to be comfortable as her own person outside of her friendships with lucy or even flora.

riven is a good fighter but a better mage. he wants to best his peers in fighting, and hates that he feels he call of magic pretty strongly. darcy takes advantage of this and encourages him to abandon his magic while draining him of his power. when he is chased from cloud tower and falls, he uses his skills in tandem with a bit of magic to survive. he remains wary of his powers, but eventually learns to accept them and learns to be a mage and a fighter which is Simply Not Done, but honestly at this point riven is done listening to everyone else so he does what he wants and becomes great at both.

the trix spend season one pretending to be regular witches. they play up the ‘mean girls’ routine and spend a lot of time stirring chaos and malcontent at cloud tower. when they finally give up the pretense and try to take the dragon fire for real, they lose a bit of the mean girls vibe and work towards the rogue witch coven’s goal of stealing the magic of various realms. their work in cloud tower does not dissapear and there is a time where a lot of witches have to unlearn a lot of toxic behavior and it sucks a lot.

[itsclydebitches]

Hello again! Im the tinfoil hat anon with the long ass asks and I finally had the time to read your response. Thank you, it makes my day reading your answers. I honestly just enjoyed them over a cup of coffee like a good book.

Now, the gun pointing scene I mentioned was in fact the one from the droid fight facility like the other anon suggested. But I really liked that you covered the boat scene too, I haven’t thought of it much myself and now I definitely have!

I also would like to mention I love your “candy bar” choice analogy and I 100% agree Hunter’s “invitation” to join back wasn’t welcoming in the slightest. It is very likely just an obligation as you said. Sort of “you gave us a chance, we owe you a chance too”.

And the problem with it is now I am struggling to figure out how the batch members might change their attitude toward Crosshair going forward, especially Hunter. As of right now Crosshair’s best relationship is not with his brothers but with Omega(as surprising as this is). And I think he does realize now she cared about him the most out of all of them during the short time they interacted(both 1st and last episodes). Even between themselves(not counting Omega) I find most of the bad batch members to be cold and distant to each other. They feel less like a family than Rebels for example. And they aren’t even a “found family”(a trope everyone loves) but an actual one! And I get that they’re soldiers and supposed to be tough, I don’t expect them to share all “the feels”. I just can’t put my finger on it but something feels off. I agree with your previous post, the show doesn’t do a very good job showing or even telling they love each other.

Will Hunter and co only start caring about their brother again only after he leaves the empire?(assuming he does at some point). What about Disney’s prevailing theme and message that “family always love and care for each other no matter what”? I guess it’s “family always love and care for each other but only if you’re good guys making right choices”. There is no room for mistakes or wrong decisions. In the last episode everyone form the batch seemed to have given up on Crosshair(besides Omega). For now their attitude seems to be just “you’re not our enemy” and that’s that.

I realize Crosshair is a “bad guy” and consciously made his choice(and we know it’s the wrong one) but to me it felt like he thought he didn’t even had a choice or rather became so lost and confused he actually thought he chose the empire as “the lesser evil”(as in the less shitty choice out of all the other bad ones). We as audience have the benefit to know exactly how atrocious the empire really is but maybe Crosshair still doesn’t realize that.

So what exactly must Crosshair do to get back “in their good graces” as you say? Start saving “the good guys”? Save the bad batch multiple times? There is a popular opinion on how Crosshair can redeem himself. That he eventually heroically sacrifices himself to save them. I personally REALLY hope it’s NOT what’s going to happen but I heard so many people speculating his story is set up to be redemption=death. I know you mentioned you don’t want “Vader style redemption” either. Personally I think it would be a waste of a character who has a lot of potential. And I just think that the batch kind of don’t really deserve his sacrifice(maybe save for Omega) after how they never tried to save him themselves and how they treated him overall. Maybe he will risk his life to save Omega at some point and that will “prove” to Hunter he cares? Although he has already shown he cares by saving her(even if in Crosshair’s own words it’s just so they’re “even”). And the thing is, he doesn’t need to prove that he loves them, he already did that in episode 15 and made it clear he does care. He actually went to extreme by shooting his squad to prove his loyalty. What were the moments the batch demonstrated they care about him? Hunter saying “you never were our enemy” and taking his unconscious body to safety? To me Hunter “not leaving him behind” during bombardment felt more like guilt about the last time it happened and an obligation to Crosshair for helping them with droids, rather than them showing care. And I kinda of think if that was any random civilian(or anyone other than an enemy or a threat) they would carry them out too just because that’s what good guys do and not because it’s their brother. You also mentioned that minutes later Hunter snaps at him with “if you want to stay here and die, that’s your choice” which I agree can be interpreted in different ways. And I think it’s one more point to it being an obligation that in Hunter’s eyes is fulfilled now. He corrected his mistake of leaving a brother behind and saved him this time, now his guilt won’t burden him any longer.

Anyway, I can’t wait for season 2 and I appreciate you and all the anons sharing the tinfoil hat, interacting and speculating together. Those discussions have been a lot of fun!

TLDR: How do your think the relationship between the brothers will mend or evolve in the next season? Do you think S2 will improve in portraying the batch more as a family rather than a group of mercs doing missions together? What are your thoughts on the popular idea of Crosshair’s redemption by ultimate sacrifice? As in, how likely do you think this scenario is?

Anon, that is just wonderfully hilarious to me. Ah yes, the sunrise, a good cup o' joe, and the overly long character analysis of a snarky, fictional sniper. Exactly what everyone needs in the morning! 😆

You know, TBB is far from the first show I've watched where there's an obvious, emotional conclusion the creator wants the audience to come to—the squad all love each other Very Much—yet that conclusion isn't always well supported by the text. It creates this horribly awkward situation where you're going, "Yes, I'm fully aware of what the show wanted to do, but this reading, arguably, did not end up in the story itself. So what are we talking about here? The intention, or the execution?" It's like Schrödinger's Bad Batch where the group is simultaneously Very Loving and Very Distant depending on how much meta-aspects are influencing your reading: those authorial intentions, understanding of how found family tropes should work, fluff focused fics/fan art that color our understanding of the characters, etc. And, of course, whether someone saw TCW before they watched TBB. I personally wouldn't go quite so far as to say they're "cold" towards one another—with Crosshair as an exception now—but there wasn't the level of bonding among the squad that I expected of a show called The Bad Batch. Especially compared to their arc in TCW. The other night I re-watched the season seven premiere and was struck not just by how much more the squad interacted with each other back then, but how those interactions added depth to their characters too. For example, Crosshair is the mean one, right? He's the one picking fights with the Regs? Well yeah... but it's also Wrecker. While they're trying to decide what to do with Cody injured, Jesse calls out Crosshair on his attitude—"You can't talk to Captain Rex like that!"—and Wrecker's immediate response is, "Says who?" and he hefts Jesse into the air. And then he just holds him there, clearly using his superior strength to do as he pleases, until Hunter (sounding pretty angry) tells him to put Jesse down. If Wrecker had put him into a more classically understood bullying position, like pinning him to the ground, it would probably read as less funny—less "Haha strong clone lifts Jesse up in the air!" and more "Oh shit, strong clone can do whatever the hell he wants to the Regs and few are able to stop him." It's such a quick moment, but it tells us a ton about Wrecker. That he's going to stick up for his brothers, no matter the context (Crosshair deserves to be called out). That he will gleefully assist Crosshair in bothering the Regs (something that is reinforced when he later throws the trays in the mess hall, after Hunter has already deescalated the situation). That he's likely been hurt by awful treatment from the Regs too. That he'll only listen to Hunter when it comes to backing off. Little of this work—that interplay among the squad that shows us new sides to them other than basic things like "Wrecker is the nice, happy brother"—exists in TBB.

Or, at least, little exists after Omega becomes an official member of the squad.

Because, as said previously, she becomes the focus. I don't mean that as a total criticism. As established, I love Omega. But if we're talking about why the squad can feel so distant from each other, I think she's the root cause, simply because the story became all about her relationships with the Batch, rather than the Batch's relationships with each other. Having dived headfirst into reading and writing fic, it occurred to me just how many of the bonding moments we love, the sort of stuff we'll see repeated in fics because we understand that this is where the story's emotional center is, are given to Omega in canon:

Someone is hurt and in need of comfort. Omega's emotional state is the focus + moments like her being worried over Hunter getting shot.

Someone needs to learn a new skill. Echo teaches Omega how to use her bow.

Someone reveals a skill they never knew they had before. Omega is a strategic genius and plays her last game with Hunter.

Someone is in serious danger and in need of rescue. Omega rescues the group from the slavers + is the most vocal about rescuing Hunter. (Which, again, is a pretty sharp contrast to the whole Crosshair situation.) Omega, in turn, needs rescuing from things like the decommission conveyor belt.

Similarly, someone is kidnapped and in need of rescue. Omega is kidnapped twice by bounty hunters and the Batch goes after her.

Someone saves another's life. Omega saves Crosshair from drowning.

Someone does something super sweet for another. Wrecker gives Omega her room. Omega gives Wrecker Lula.

A cute tradition is established between characters. Wrecker has his popcorn-esque candy sharing with Omega.

Someone hurts someone else and has to ask forgiveness. Wrecker is upset about nearly shooting Omega and they have that sweet moment together.

Note that most of these examples could have occurred between other Batch members, but didn't. Someone could have created a space for Echo on the ship too. Wrecker also could have apologized to Tech for choking him, etc. It's not that those moments shouldn't happen with Omega, just that there should be more of a balance across the whole season, especially for a show supposedly focused on the original squad. Additionally, it's not that cute bonding moments between the rest of the Batch don't exist. I love Hunter selling Echo off as a droid. I love Wrecker and Tech bickering while fixing the ship. I love the tug-of-war to save Wrecker from the sea monster. Yes, we do have moments... it's just that comparatively it feels pretty skewed in Omega's direction.

So, as a VERY long-winded way of answering your question, I think we need to fix the above in order to tackle Crosshair's redemption in season two. Now that we've had a full season focused on Omega, we need to strike a better balance among the rest of the squad moving forward. We need to re-established the "obvious" conclusion that the rest of the Batch loves Crosshair and that's done (in part) by establishing their love for one another too. To my mind, both goals go hand-in-hand, especially since you can develop their relationship with Crosshair and their relationships with each other simultaneously. Imagine if instead of just having Wrecker somewhat comically admit that he misses Crosshair (like he's dead and they can't go get him??), he and Tech had a serious conversation about why they can't get him back yet, despite very much wanting to. Imagine if Echo, the one who was rescued against all odds, got to scream at Hunter to go get Crosshair like Omega screamed at them to go back for Hunter. Imagine if we'd gotten more than a tiny arc in TCW to establish the Batch's dynamic with each other, providing a foundation for how they would each react to Crosshair's absence. Instead, what little we've got in TBB about Crosshair's relationship with his brothers is filtered through Omega: Omega's embarrassment that she knocked over Crosshair's case, Omega treating Crosshair's comm link like a toy, Omega's quest to save Hunter that just happened to involve Crosshair along the way.

Obviously, at this point we can't fix how the first season did things, but I think we can start patching over these issues in season two. It would be jarring—we'd still be 100% correct to ask where this "Brothers love you, support you, and will endlessly fight for you" theme was for Crosshair's entire time under the Empire's thumb... but I'd take an about-face into something better than not getting any improvement at all. It is frustrating though, especially for a show that I otherwise really, really enjoyed. For me, the issue isn't so much that the show made a mistake (since no show is perfect), but that the mistake is attached to such a foundational part of the franchise. Not just in terms of "SW is about hope and forgiveness" but the specific relationship most clones have with each other: a willingness to go above and beyond for their brothers. The focus on Omega aside, it's hard to believe in the family dynamic when one member of the family was so quickly and easily dismissed. I couldn't get invested in Hunter's rescue as much as I should have because rather than going, "Yes!! Save your brother!!!" my brain just kept going, "Lol where was this energy for Crosshair?" It messes with your reading of the whole story, so in order to fix that mistake going forward, we need to start seeing the bonds that only sometimes exist in season one. Show the guys expressing love for one another more consistently (in whatever way that might be—as you say, soldiers don't have to be all touchy-feely. Give us more moments like Wrecker supporting his brothers' bad habits) and then extend that to Crosshair. Which brother is going to demand that they fight for him? Which brother is going to acknowledge that they never tried to save him? Which brother is going to question this iffy statement about the chip? In order to buy into the family theme, Omega can't be the only one doing that emotional work.

Ideally, I wouldn't want Crosshair to go out of his way to prove that he's a good guy now. I mean, I obviously want him to stop helping the Empire and such, duh lol, but I'm personally not looking for a bunch of Extra Good Things directed at the Batch as a requirement for forgiveness. Simply because that would reinforce the idea that they're 100% Crosshair's victims, Crosshair is 100% the bad guy, and he's the only one who needs to do any work to fix this situation. Crosshair needs to stop doing bad things (working for Empire). But the Batch needs to start doing good things too (reaching out to him). Especially since Crosshair made a good play already, only to be met with glares and distrust. He saved Omega! And AZI! And none of them cared. So am I (is Crosshair) supposed to believe that saving one of their lives again will result in a different reaction? That doesn't make much sense. And no, his own life wasn't at risk when he did that, but does every antagonist need to die/nearly die to prove they're worth fighting for? As you say, he's already shown that he loves them, far more than they've shown the reverse. Every time Crosshair hurt them (attacking) it was while he was under the chip's influence. In contrast, the group has no "I was being controlled" excuse for when they hurt him (abandonment). Season two needs to acknowledge the Batch's responsibility in all this—and acknowledge that they're all victims of the Empire—in order to figure out an appropriate arc for Crosshair's redemption.

Right now, the issue is not Crosshair loving his brothers, the issue is how Crosshair chooses to express that love: trying to keep them safe and giving them a purpose in life by joining the organization that's clearly going to dominate the galaxy. The only way to fix that, now that his offer has been rejected, is for him to realize that a life on the run from the Empire, together, is a better option for everyone. And the only way for that to happen is for the Batch to seriously offer him a place with them again. They need to make the first move here. They need to fight for him. And yeah, I totally get that a lot of people don't like that because it's not "fair." He's the bad guy. He's with the fascist allegory. He's killed people and has therefore lost any right to compassion and effort from the good guys... but if that's the case, then we just have to accept that (within the story-world, not from a writing perspective) Crosshair is unlikely to ever come back from this. When people reach that kind of low, they rarely pull themselves out on their own. They need other people to help them do that. Help them a lot. But with the exception of Omega's reminder—which Crosshair can't believe due to how everyone else has treated him—they leave him alone and seem to expect him to fix himself first, then he gets their support. It needs to be the other way around. Support is what would allow him to become a good guy again, not "Well, you'll get our love when you're good again, not before." That's unlikely to occur and, as discussed, it doesn't take into account things like this bad guy life being forced on Crosshair at the start. If the story really wanted this to be a matter of ideological differences... then make it about ideological differences. Let Crosshair leave of his own free will, right at the start. Don't enslave him for half the season, have him realize he was abandoned, imply all that brainwashing, give him no realistic way out, and then punish him for not doing the right thing. This isn't a situation where someone went bad for the hell of it—the story isn't asking us to feel compassion for, say, the Admiral—it's a situation where Crosshair was controlled and now can't see a way out. That context allows for the Batch, the good guys, to fight for him without the audience thinking the show is just excusing that behavior. They should have been fighting from the start, but since they didn't, I hope we at least start seeing that in season two.

Ultimately though... I don't really expect all of the above. The more balanced dynamics and having the Batch fight for Crosshair rather than Crosshair going it alone... I wouldn't want to bet any money on us getting it, just because these are things that should have been established in season one and would have been more easy to pull off in season one. (If the Batch wouldn't fight for Crosshair while he was literally under the Empire's control, why would they fight now when he's supposedly acting of his own free will? It's backwards in terms of the emotional effort involved.) But again, it could happen! I'd be very pleased if it did happen, despite the jarring change. I don't want to make it sound like I think they're going to write off Crosshair entirely. Far from it, I think there are too many details like his sad looks for that, to say nothing of Omega's compassion. But the execution of getting him on Team Good Guys again might be preeeetty bumpy. I expect it to revolve around Crosshair's sins and Crosshair's redemption, even if what I would like is balancing that with Crosshair's loss of agency, the Batch's mistakes, and their own redemption towards him.

Honestly though, I just hope that whatever happens happens soon. It's a personal preference, absolutely, but after a season of Crosshair as the antagonist, I'm ready for him to be back with the group, making the Empire (and bounty hunters) the primary enemy. Whether his return happens through a mutual acknowledgement of mistakes, or through Crosshair being depicted as the only one in the wrong who has to do something big to be forgiven... just get him back with the squad lol. Because if the writing isn't going to delve into that nuance, then the longer he remains unforgiven, the longer some of us have to watch a series while going, "Wait, wait, wait, I really don't agree with how you're painting this picture."

[cluelesslesbian]

Check-In Tag✨

AKA a very long post about moi and this account bc I was tagged by the lovely @katelfiredemon <3

IF YOU SEE THIS, PRETEND I'M TAGGING U like this is completely optional (and long omg) so I don't wanna FORCE anyone to do it but asjhkl I think it's cute

1. why did you choose your url?

My og url was something dumb bc I only used tumblr to keep up with artists and writers I admired… this one is revamped to be ~relatable~ bc I wanted something that I felt comfortable adding on my art?? But ok-

clueless = because THERE’S TIMES THAT I’M A LIL SLOW TO GET A JOKE SDFHJKL

lesbian = bc I’m not out to my family but my sexuality is something I like about me,,, so I wanted to acknowledge it somewhere (and the anonymity of tumblr = ideal tbh)

2. any side blogs? if you have them: name them and why you have them

I made one like yesterday lol! It’s @blue-dragon-shin-ah and it’s for Akatsuki no Yona (an anime and manga I TOTALLY rec! It’s like a historical themed fantasy, comedy, romance WITH a found family trope it’s so good)

but ngl I have no clue how to keep track of more than 1 blog so it'll be a lot more inactive than this one asdhkl

3. how long you’ve been on tumblr?

hmm according to my tumblr account it’d be 2016 since that’s the oldest post I’ve kept (I deleted everything and revamped this acc in december 2020)

BUT I did the math and I would’ve made this account in middle school so around 2013-2014 lol I don’t think I used it much until voltron was booming in like 2016-2018.. Then I lowkey stopped… until now!

4. do you have a queue tag?

oof no

……...I probably should? like 90% of my blog is queued or scheduled… but ngl I barely remember to tag posts at ALL some nights so I probably won’t (rip if that’s annoying,, but I don’t make much og content so I figure anyone following me is chill with this lol)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

In middle school?? To see funny posts and not be pressured into having an ~online presence~ tbh. That’s literally it lol

6. why did you choose your icon?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and keith's expressions r hilarious

Before I just,,, chose sokka bc I love that blue boi and the edit of him had a yellow bg that I LOVED (and matched with my pink theme)

7. why did you choose your header?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and klance sdjfhk

Before it was just a colour palette bc I wanted my blog to be my fav colour: PINK

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

My zukka art omg- like I did one that I put effort into which I KNOW is my top post (it’s got like 600 notes??? I still can’t believe it I love that!! 🥰)

BUT MY SECOND TOP IS A POST OF REALLY REALLY ROUGH SKETCHES OF THEM AND I LOWKEY CRINGE AT IT (it’s got like 500 notes.. And I’m like… y ?? I can DO BETTER 😭)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

…...listen I’ve literally never had mutuals until this year (minus my one irl.. I love u bitch!! but u know that bc we text on other platforms too)

idek am i supposed to be keeping track??? I just smile a lot when i see the darker-tinted notifs in my activity feed

10. how many followers do you have?

hmmmmmmm ok i lowkey don’t want to answer this bc my whole love for tumblr is that followers don’t matter? You could follow me today and unfollow tmrw bc i ship something you don’t and life moves on??? So yeah no answer here

11. how many people do you follow?

1807 babeyyyy

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

...wait define shitpost- technically any original post under #yeetidk might be a shitpost cause they’re all just?? my shitty rambles tbh???

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Sometimes i’ve got the app open allll day long but other days?? I’ll go on like once in the morning or at night just to check my notifs and then that’s it

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

lmaoo bold of you to assume i interact with anyone enough to have a fight (AKA no)

If i did tho?? I’m the type to try and come to some middle ground before dropping the issue so idk- i’m more likely to lose bc i’m willing to （づ￣3￣）

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Wish-granting/curse stuff: no.

Politics/Donation posts: depends! I try to only reblog posts like these that I know a bit about bc I don’t really wanna contribute to misinformation ykno?

I did start tagging these posts as #important but I’m not like?? gonna be mad at anyone for not reblogging political posts (also a heads-up if you wanted to block #important: I also tag some lgbt+ stuff under there so you’ll likely miss those too, not a huuuge loss but just an fyi yknow??)

16. do you like tag games?

asdfghjkl this is honestly the first tag game i’ve ever been part of so i have no opinion 😭 tho formatting this post has been a bitch asdhjkl I gotta get back to my homework when I'm finally done this

17. do you like ask games?

I've done a grand total of 1 and I felt so?? ashgjl awkward and bad for asking people to talk to me about myself- maybe if I do one that isn't about me I'll like it more

I do love sending other people anons to compliment them when they do these games tho 😌

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

....this requires me to pay attention to people I follow more than I have been so I literally have no idea??

19. do i have a crush on a mutual?

yes. the one readings this. love u, sweetheart 😘

/jokes

I don't?? usually get crushes? idek.. thought I was aromantic for a while bc of that lmaoo (but then I got a crush on someone irl and I was like "oooh ok so maybe im just gay then")

[letfatewritethewords]

I process things with art. I process with written words in the hopes that one day it can be spoken without my voice shaking. This week has been one for the books.. and I decided to share. This is long, but I want to remember what I’m learning.. how I’m processing.. if you decide to read, thank you. If not, this will still be here as a reminder of my progress every year.

I always tell people that there was no reason for my name, but it’s a lie. I’m named after Samantha on BeWitched. My grandfather loved that show and suggested it when my mother couldn’t decide. I was born in early September and that makes me a Virgo. Astrology is one of my favorite things. There’s something extraordinary about the idea that we’re connected to the universe by the positioning of the stars. Sometimes it’s so vague.. but other times, it’s right on the nose and my horoscopes will make me cry. Speaking of that, I’m an empath and a 2. When I’m unhealthy, I’m a 4 and If you know what any of that means, I’d love to talk to you more about it. Winter is my favorite season. Fall is a close second. I love the snow and how muted everything is. I like the quiet, the beauty. Sometimes, the light from the sun will shimmer off a fresh coat of snow on the ground. It is absolutely blinding, but I’d still stare, and when the snow fell at night, I’d watch it under the street light across from my house and it felt like time stood still. When I was little, I would lay in the yard full of snow, alone, in my puffy suite, until my fingers and toes would go numb from the cold, listening to the silence, but the best part of those days was going back into my grandparents house and warming up with hot coco made on the stove, wrapping myself in a soft blanket and watching old movies with my grandfather. To me, the Winter is magical. My love languages are Quality Time and Acts of Service. I’m an introvert but I love people. I like to observe, I like to really understand how the mind works and Im eager to help. I thrive in controlled chaos. I like puzzles, I love music, I like crafts, I like to fix things because grandpa always taught me that nothing is to broken to fix. Nothing. No one.

This is the light. This is the part of me that I give willingly to anyone I meet. I wear it on my sleeve. It’s only the light. Until the last 2 years.. this was all I could give of myself because I’ve always been scared of the dark.

The darkest part of me lasted 8 years, my rock bottom lasted 4.5, but as a whole it’s taken up almost 12 years of my life. Sometimes I worry that all I'm ever going to be is this thing that happened to me. That this will define me for the rest of my life and I need to remind myself that I’m a person that can live separate from an event.

I went to the police station this week, I filled out more forms. I’ve filled out so many forms over the last 2 years. For an emergency restraining order this time. For Florida this time. I knew it would eventually follow me here but typhus felt too soon. The clerk called me brave. I smile and thank them every time but I never know how to respond to that. She has no idea how weak it feels and I mean.. how could she. This is the right choice, the obvious choice, the smart choice. In a different situation, it’s one of the many steps I’d be urging someone else to take. In all the chaos, all the hurt, in all the anger and sadness.. it always circles back to “I loved him”. I did. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to see him grow and heal and if I loved him hard enough for the both of us, it would’ve evened out eventually… right?

I failed.

He was always who he was, but I was young and naive and ready to fix the whole world. When I was 18 and we were free, I would’ve told you he saved me. Now that I’m in my 30’s… and he’s in prison and I’m in limbo.. I don’t know what I’d tell you. He didn’t save me, but he didn’t destroy me either. I had every opportunity to tap out and give up.. but I grew into a person I might not have been if I never met him.

Am I angry? All of the time.

Am I scared? Yes.

I see things more clearly now though. People talk about how you never know someone’s story, and that’s because we are experts at playing pretend like we have it all figured out until we’re alone and have to face truest selves. The facade is the hardest thing to give up. Some people saw through mine and there are others, who have built their own, that never will. I share posts about what I’ve learned, how I see people, how I’ve try to treat people with grace and teach children with love and patience in hopes that a little of that sinks into whoever it reaches, but I very rarely show the journey. Partly because I know the details are gruesome and that’s not for everyone, but mostly because I’m scared.

How will you see me?

What will you think?

I’m learning that I’m not this big awful thing that happened to me. I was never anyone’s property and I’m not chained to it anymore. I was very much lied to and manipulated and hurt long enough that it flipped onto me and I carried it without missing a step. I wanted to love him so much that I would heal him. Instead, he “loved” me so much it almost killed me, and he did call it love. Enough times that he re-defined it and I didn’t use that word for a very long time in any meaningful situation. He, for better or for worse, drastically changed the trajectory of my life.

But it’s ok.

I’m wounded but I’m healing. I’m lonely, but I’m learning how to slowly welcome more people in and step out of my comfort zone. If I’m being honest, I’m relearning a lot of things, including how to exist in a world where I have room to make mistakes and fail. I can say or do the wrong thing and be gently corrected for it by my people and move on … sans violence. There are no words for amount of relief I feel because of that truth.

Is it over? No.

He was sentenced to 7 years last year and every year around mid July early August there is an opportunity to apply for an appeal based on his behavior, which will always be immaculate because he is not as tough as he thinks he is. This means that if he applies and it goes to trial, I’m also notified and have to reappear, show any new evidence, and reexplain why he needs to stay there for the safety of others and myself. Telling my story once a year on a whim to a room full of strangers, always men, so they can decide my fate, as well as the fate of this “upstanding young man with a good head on his shoulders” (actual words used during my initial rape/domestic abuse trial against him), was never what I imagined finally turning him in would look like. I really never thought that after everything, his sentence wouldn’t even be as long as our relationship. The original sentence was 5 years. After he got out on a Governor Cuomo Covid related prison loophole and broke his parole almost immediately, he was sentenced to another 2 on top of that. He has 6 left. We talk about how flawed our system is, but really seeing it is a different kind of punch. Women aren’t believed. There’s a reason so many of these crimes go unreported, and why so many women die at the hands of angry men. The hoops you have to jump through are miles high and on fire, and when you and the advocate show up armed only with your truth, your tears and a little evidence from one night at a bar when he got to drunk and forgot he was in public, it’s very easy for a judge to rule on the softer side. Because, as you all know, we’d never want to ruin a wealthy mans life unless there’s cold, hard, reason to.

Seeing his face when they read out his sentence, after years of terror, was satisfying to say the least and if I hadn’t been so numb to get through the hearing, I would’ve enjoyed it more. I will never forget going to a trusted friends house after that hearing and being completely overwhelmed with all of the emotions. Relief, guilt, sadness, anger, happiness, fear.. so many I couldn’t express.. all at once because the novocain wears off and numb isn’t forever and I fell asleep with their dog after a lot of crying. I’d be lying though if I said that 18 year old in me didn’t feel a loss. I grew up with incredible grandparents that did amazing things in teaching me how to love people and be a good human, but no one can protect us from everything. I also grew up with a mother who fights demons of her own and never had the capacity to love two kids. In a situation like that, someone becomes the punching bag. I became the punching bag and desperately looked for ways out, an opportunity to run.. and I ran right into him, who accepted me with open arms for the first time in my young, very inexperienced life.. and I followed him blindly and he was my whole world. Until I was 27, I didn’t have a guide. By the grace of God I landed into a community in Florida that slowly helped me realize my worth.

So.. what now.

How do we fix what our parents and past broke?

How do you reparent yourself?

The mental health journey is proving to be my biggest struggle yet. There’s no more outside factors, it’s just me and the lies that have fed me for years and altered how I think and feel and understand the world. I can feel myself frustrating people I’ve let close to me. I feel myself getting nervous and pushing people away. Sometimes I can catch it and regroup, other times that nasty little voice is too loud and I’m exhausted. My goodness though, how cool is it to learn so much about yourself? I know I have the capacity to love that broken part of me eventually, but it’s still hard to face. Getting to learn and understand the reason behind your actions is terrifyingly amazing. I am proud of this journey. Even when I don’t always come up on top. It’s hard to see the progress while you’re in it, but laying it all out like this.. I can safely say I’m never going to be that 18 year old girl ever again. Some days this journey looks different, some days the darkness wins, because healing isn’t linear. Sometimes it’s one step forward, 2 steps back… but nothing is too broken to fix.. and I will never call that darkness home again.

[ccsthemovie2]

trick or treat 2021 letter

DEAR MY KIND AND HARDWORKING GIFTER,

hi there my ao3 is zagspect and thanks in advance for making me a piece of fic or art in this fun little exchange! heres some food for thought to munch on.

i loooove slice of life, character moments, outsider povs that make things we’re used to in canon seem absurd or funny or weird or scary, humor, horror-in-fluff’s-clothing, sweetness-found-in-horror, and also just plain sweetness. feel free to get weird or experimental with your writing if you think the moment calls for it :3 im not really requesting anything sexy-nsfw in this exchange so pls keep things down to a nice pg13 (high-rated gore for higurashi work is an exception, lol, like, it’s when they cry. that’s just part of the deal.)

🌸✨

cardcaptor sakura (trick or treat!)

clear card manga spoilers are fine with me! manga and anime canon are both fine, and mashing them up is cool too. no aus past that though, please!

clow reed

the big man himself! scare me with his his manipulative tendencies, his eternal pushpull fear of both being eternally relied on and being no longer needed, the way he treats other people, especially people who love him. (yue! the madoushi! i am into both of these being unrequited romantically on his end, but he’s not gonna just gonna tell them that, you think he’s straightforward like that?) what’s daily life like in the clowse? creating a new card, what’s that like? does everybody get along with the normal, non magic neighbors? 

yelan li

what’s up with her??? what’s her relationship with her children like, what are the responsibilities of a magician family’s head, how weird is it that clow is kind of back all of a sudden, what’s her thoughts on sakura? fleshing out a minor character is always fun :]

eriol & li

okay, so, we get to the end of the original series. syaoran returns to hong kong. ????????. syaoran is in cahoots with eriol to (vaguely alluding to cc spoilers in case you haven’t caught up in the manga), do some pretty serious magic behind sakura’s back.

so, like... what went down in the ?????

kero & sakura & yue 

they’re FAMBILYYYYY. magic found family i love them so much. show me the depths of their care for her, and hers for them, the way there’s absolutely some ice to break with yue but when he gets loyal he will DIE for you, the way sakura can mend the rift between kero and yue, the way the two of them are balancing this wonderful openness and equality with oh yeah, she’s eleven, we kind of said some seriously dark stuff in the haze of sleepover talk didn’t we? 

ruby & spinel & eriol 

pre-canon or mid-canon or post-canon! what’s the dynamic between them, a quiet night in, a day out telling people that you’re connected by whatever lie you find funniest. going to tomoeda and having to pretend youre a kid, a teen, and a cat, but goddd you could all go for an elegant and adult glass of wine right now (especially the cat). what horrors are lurking in that house from the clow era that no one cares to address? like emotionally and also because it’s a magic wizard house with magic stuff in it. 

touya/yukito/yue 

i am here for any and all angles of this ship- all together, your touyukis, your yuetouyas, your yuekitos if you wanna get in on a rarely seen angle! (but pls have touya and/or yukito be 18+ at a time where yue shows interest in them). i wanna see the way they interact! how they deal with, you know, the everything! pre-relationship pining, going on a date, touya and yukito in college wondering if they’ll end up having different majors, different paths for the first time. yukito seeing yue on video for the first time (OH NO HES HOT), yukito and yue figuring out internal boundaries, etc etc etc.  

naoko and touya 

the girl who loves ghosts and the guy who sees (or, used to see), ghosts! does she follow him to one of his haunts (pun intended)? does he have to go to her for ghost sensing advice now that he’s a regular old human? does he have to save her from a ghost that means her harm? how excited is she to tell sakura about the COOL GHOST I MET WITH YOUR BROTHER OMG U DIDNT TELL ME HE LIKES GHOSTS??? and how much does sakura wanna sink into the ground lololol

🌹⚔️

revolutionary girl utena (trick or treat!)

ohh, what a place of scary happenings! tell me a fairytale, even if it’s not such a good idea. pre, mid, postcanon, im fine with it all. feel free to weave a web with easter egg references to any other media you feel is right for the moment- utena is all about Genre and Stories!

shadow girls 

i love them i love their whole everything. i wanna see a play, i wanna see them interact with other characters! what if they do a play AS the other characters, ooooh.

anthy/utena 

THE GIRLS WHO INVENTED LOVE THEMSELVES. ive read a thousand stories of them finding each other and it never gets old. id love to read about their life post-ohtori, especially the not-so-happily-ever-after parts- the old wounds reopening, the fights, and how they work through it, wont lose each other ever again. 

saionji/touga

what’s spookier than toxic masculinity? both of them miserably stuck, saionji obsessed with touga, touga believing anyone who believes in friendship is a fool. bro we are taking shirtless pictures among 500 potted cacti....why does my heart hurt..... oh shit its the cactus i rolled onto it ow ow

nanami

nanami being nanami! she’s got no clue how to act ever, she’s desperate, she’s trying SO HARD. i’d love to see a nanami finally getting out of there, too. leaving home with nothing but the clothes on her back, diamonds in her necklace, and a wheeled suitcase of raw eggs.... (crunch crunch crunch)

🎲🗓

higurashi when they cry (trick or treat!)

i’m a gou/sotsu enjoyer and gonna prompt about that a lot but original flavor is, of course, great too. pls dont go too heavy on info outside the main 8+saikoroshi+gou/sotsu? i haven’t read those. ive read umineko+ciconia though so references there are fine :3

rena/mion/keiichi

college days! getting together, crushing on each other, poly relationship figuringouts? dates that are just club meetings with kissing and all the ridiculousness of that.

satoko/rika

gou/sotsu era TOXIC LESBIAN EPIC MOMENTS!!!!!! obsession and desperation and satoko putting all her emotional eggs in rika’s basket no matter how angry she is with her, rika’s love for satoko across 100 years and how that all crumbles (to satoko) in the face of rika’s Cool School. rika wanting satoko to go to school with her so so so bad. deep pain and misunderstandings and acting badly (like, murder badly), and then, we hope, atonement and something new beginning? i love character moments where someones so obsessively in love it feels like its eating them up inside.

rena & satoko

look, rena’s smart and really pays attention to how people feel and i think, before or after satoko becomes a looper but especially after, she would make an attempt to have a heart to heart with satoko. and satoko, as a looper, will politely brush her off, will go you dont know me you can’t affect me. youre just a chess piece. when i get to the miracle world where rika loves me, ill listen to you. this you is here to die, or to kill. 

eua

oh eua is just using satoko up like a bar of soap and it takes satoko way, way too long to realize. evil girltalk/crush advice from the witchmom perhaps?

shion

meakashi made me LOVE her. internal shion moments, perhaps? shion being an empath (decides what ppl are thinking and instantly believes it)? shion in gou-era wanting to talk to satoko about st. lucia’s, but she never shows up to dinner?

okay i think that’s all for now!!! thanks and i hope you have fun!!!

[collectivefandomstuff]

mum... im being bullied on this site for writing and posting a story that apparently makes me into a racist even though i tried really hard to write it so its clear that the POV character is a shitty person and not me??? halp, i need advice pleaze

Hi there :) this is a sensitive subject, but I’ll give it a try.

When writing, what we’re essentially trying to do is communicate what’s in our heads to someone else’s using words. And, contrary to what some believe, using art/writing/whatever as a medium to convey those thoughts are hard and we all end up miscommunicating eventually. Now, in my experiece there are several types of literary miscommunication so I’ll try to cover them all:

1. Miscommunication due to differing perspectives. This happens when you and your audience comes at a text from different viewpoints. Sometimes it’s that you write from the metaphorical north and you can’t see that from the south this story looks way different. For example, look at 13 reasons why. They had a very graphic suicide scene that was meant to “start a discussion” but had other, much less positive consequences. In these situations, I usually ask myself: 1) am I willing to let the southern perspective stand? (as in, am I okay with what it implies?) and 2) is anyone getting hurt? If so, it’s not generally worth it.

The second incarnation of this miscommunication has to do with ethics. For example, if I were to write a story where the main character has an abortion, I would count on this making the character more sympathetic, not less, since I grew up in a culture without any real “pro-life” movement. I would be wary of the portayal because the protagonist would go through intense emotional turmoil, but I would never give the politics a second thought. Thus, if my audience tells me that the main character is a bad person (or that I am) I can stand firm on my ethics (or change them) and act accordingly.

2. Miscommunication through language. This is a big one. Sometimes when we speak to someone we just express ourselves poorly, and the same thing happens when we write. This one is hard to take as a writer, because there’s a prevailing idea that if you can’t convey your point you’re a bad writer, but that’s not the case. When writing, you usually start off writing cliches that have been written a hundred times before, and as you work at it you eventually start incorporating more of your own creativity into the work. When you do that, you can’t rely on people knowing the formula anymore and that’s when we start making mistakes. Let’s say I base a character on one of my friends, and someone criticizes that character for being a sexist trope since she dresses slutty and is pretty sexual. I’m over here like “no?? that’s Claire!” But in reality I failed to make the text reflect what I know: that Claire is multifaceted and interesting. These miscommunications help us become better writers and they never go away either. You know that one tumblr post about the Literature PhDs who has a whole seminar about whether Edgar Allan Poe was racist? Yeah.

From what you told me, you decided to take on writing an unsympathetic protagonist. That’s real tricky, and also a great way to practice characterisation and writing in general. It’s great that you’re doing it, but it also means that making these sorts of mistakes is more likely.

*this one is extra difficult if you’re writing in a second/third etc. language.

3. Miscommunication due to subconcious bias. We’re all products of our enviroments, upbringings, and experiences. Like with varying ethics due to cultural differences, we can’t ignore that sometimes we have preconceptions we’re not necessarily aware of and those can sneak into our writing. For example: I grew up in Europe, where there’s a strong anti-romani sentiment. The first time I learned about romani it was through the sentence “you can’t trust gypsies, they’re all thieves” (this is a slur and should not be used by non-romani. I’m using it here because this is a direct quote that underlines the severity of the jargon). I’m aware of this, and I conciously try to fight the cultural upbringing I had, but these things run deep. If I wrote a text and someone told me that it was offensive towards romani I would take that seriously, because sometimes bias shows up even when we don’t mean for it to. It doesn’t make us bad people, but it is something we have to be aware of as a possibility when we write.

Finally, there’s one more explanation that has nothing to do with miscommunication. Sometimes, tumblr does that because while tumblr is a safe space it’s also a bubble. A bubble with many, many people that tend to see the world through the good ol’ fashioned black/white goggles. Sometimes the audience is just wrong.

To you, anon, I would like to say this: from what you wrote it seems you’re going through a tough time. It’s hard being the target of an anonymous mass that are accusing you of being a bad person, especially in regards to a work you put a lot of effort into and conciously tried to make non-offensive. It’s okay to feel like you can’t handle it and simply change your account/take down the story/whatever makes you feel safe. Writing a story online shouldn’t become a source of bad feelings and thoughts.

If you want tips on the story itself, I would say try to re-read it and attempt to see it through the eyes of those who critizise you. Do they have a point? You can also ask someone else to read it, to get feedback. It can be really hard to see your own work from another perspective. If the discourse isn’t too toxic, you could also engage with your audience and ask them what parts of your story are making them feel that way, since this isn’t what you intended.

No author is perfect, least of all people writing for fun on the internet and it’s not always apparent to the audience how much their comments can hurt, in the end you wrote this story to communicate something and you’ve become a better writer for it. Likewise, you’ve learned something from the response and you’re under no obligation to leave it up or take it down or fix it or whatever. Don’t let it scare you away from writing more things.

I hope this helped. Take care of yourself anon❤️

Edit: I wanted to add that if people are genuinely drawing a direct link between your views and that of a purposefully flawed character then that’s on them and you should do whatever you feel is best for you and your well being.

[plantfeline]

writerly ephemera (tag game)

i was tagged by @wolfbuck + the idea is for authors to put five examples of times in their writing where it shows little pieces of themselves + their lives and explain the personal meaning behind it!!

thank u eli for tagging me, this is such a lovely ask game!

1 - from a mutilated animal laid writhing at my feet

He wants to sit up, but trying alone is going to be a fucking nightmare. He readies himself then rolls to his side in one movement. Pain shoots through his abdomen. Fucking. Breath, Remus. Breath. His usual go to for getting himself up a bad pain day is to roll onto his front and push up from there. This is. Pretty bad though, and he thought he’d probably made a grave mistake attempting it.

so i have a chronic illness/disability that causes lots of weird bone/muscle/nerve pain. and its never really. reasonable and it never really makes any sense and its. incredibly difficult. and so when writing remus in this fic i tried to kind of have the pain as a constant background, seperate to the pain he was feeling like. emotionally. because that's what its like for me. it was a super interesting exercise to like. artfully describe some of the pain he's in and just. be describing my own pain at that exact moment. i could probably go on about lycanthropy causing chronic pain for like. ever.

2. also from a mutilated animal laid writhing at my feet

The coffee table was piled with built up grot, stuff that’d never been tidied. One wrong bump and it would all come tumbling down. It’d been months since anyone had had the time to care about that stuff.

okay this one is a bit funny. when imagining remus and sirius' flat post hogwarts, a lot of my personal experience living in places that range from crappy to straight up dangerous + scary come into how i see it. this one specifically is based on the place i lived straight after school, where we had a sun room we used for smoking and sitting around doing fuck all mostly. and it was . fucking feral constantly and one of my favourite hobbies was taking all the stuff on the coffee table and making it into like. a balancing sculpture of rubbish. very fun would reccomend.

3. another one from a mutilated animal laid writhing at my feet (can u tell im obsessed w/ this fic?)

There were spots of black mould travelling up where the wall met the shower door. It seemed to crawl and swell in its path, creating strange patterns in Remus’ vision. He blinked trying to focus properly. Still it crept, all consuming.

when i was around 16/17 i was struggling with pretty severe mental health issues, that involved sometimes having episodes involving things moving around on the walls specifically. it wasnt great obviously. Though i find including the experience of things moving around on a wall that you cant really get rid of really powerful for showing where someone's at in my work.

4. from tumble to the ground

He couldn’t imagine anything more ridiculous, or more fun, he could be doing. Remus hadn’t really ever had any friends to do stuff like this with before coming to school. (...) The feeling now of pulling a real joke; causing proper trouble, was exhilarating. His heart was going a million miles an hour, and he kept sneaking looks to the boys either side, fighting to keep from laughing. It was completely absurd. Remus loved it.

god this fic was so fun to write! the exhilaration he felt doing something with his new friends, feeling included for the first time really is based on my experiences of being an autistic kid who struggled w/ like. understanding how to be friends with someone. so when i ended up with people who were as excited to have me there as i was to be there it was like. the most incredible thing. and thats kind of the point of this whole fic is to show remus, who had never had other kids to muck around with, finally getting to be involved and included. warms my heart. very special to me.

5. thought u were done being bombarded with this fic? no. another one from a mutilated animal laid writhing at my feet

There is a doe, split open at the chest. Her torso is heaving. Remus can see her lungs sunken inside her cracked ribs. Blood, so dark it is almost black, is pooling where she lies.

so ive always been completely insane over the idea of like. open chests with exposed ribs. its like when u feel so so heavy and full of rage or grief or something and you want to rip ur chest open. lots of my non-fan work (writing and art both) centers around this feeling bc like. i used to have a lot of difficulties regulating my emotions and like. that was what most of my feelings turned into. like hello i want to rip my chest open etc. writing this was super cathartic to kind of fictionalise it. and also since im much better at handling things now its fun to use like. my personal motifs.

[crimeronan]

ik youre not a therapist and i dont want like therapy or anything but im 17 and ive known i was bipolar for 3 years now and i dont know how im supposed to live the rest of my life like this. im so fucking tired. how do you stay alive

you sent this a couple days ago & i’m posting at a weird time so i’m not sure if you’ll see it but.  

i’ve been looking at this message trying to decide how to respond

because i don’t know your situation, your symptoms, how you’re feeling, whether you’ve had positive or negative experiences with medication, psychiatrists, therapists, hospitals, all that related shit

the bipolar life advice i give to people is vastly different depending on the individual. it’s not a one size fits all thing.  and there’s never even a guarantee that my advice will be the right choice

so since i don’t know about your situation or experiences or what you want, i’m not gonna tell you what to do.  i’m gonna focus on the “how do you stay alive” question and try to pen down some personal feelings. and if they help then great, and if they don’t then... this is the most honest i can be

(you can always ask another question to get a better answer. my inbox is a coin slot and i am a vending machine of varied-degrees-of-helpfulness replies offered at varied-inconvenient-too-long-intervals)

-

how do i stay alive

it’s a 2-parter, actually.  i pondered how to condense my thoughts/feelings, and it came down to these two things

1. love 2. spite

-

1. love

the spite is easier to write about than the love.  love is hard to reach when i feel like shit.

spite is where i go when i want to die.  love is where i go when i want to want to live.

maybe i don’t want to be alive.  but maybe i wish i did.  spite doesn’t help me much there.  spite keeps me afloat, but it doesn’t make the floating pleasurable.  there’s more to life than outlasting everything that ever hurt me.  i need a reason to continue when there’s no enemy to fight

so. love

i almost wrote about the spite alone because that’s rawer, realer, more visceral.  that’s the shit that CONNECTS when everything feels hopeless.  but it would be a lie of omission.  spite is only one of the major food groups, you’ll waste away from malnutrition if you eat it for every meal. or at least, i will.

“so you’ve got a bunch of people you love,” you say, “and you stick around for them.  cry on them.  support each other.  like each other.  fine.”  you’ve heard this story before

nah.

i mean - yes.  i have people i love.  i live with two partners, i’ve got a third girlfriend, i’ve got a long-distance platonic life partner.  i have a support net, i have a family i’ve forged, i have confidence that i’m not alone.  i have, in a bare-bones checklist sort of way, fulfilled my physiological human need for connection

but i could live without every single one of them.  i’m not dependent upon any of them for my survival.  i’m not dependent upon them for love, given or received.  (this isn’t a callous cruelty, it won’t hurt them if/when they read this.  i’ve told them all this, they know.  they’re glad of it.)

so.  what the fuck does “love” mean, then?

the short explanation is that it’s my love of life, of things in the world.  it’s all the little connections i’ve made.  every time i love something, a hook tethers to the universe.  hook enough tethers, and i no longer feel the need to float away.  no dissolution of self today, sir

the rest of this section is some of the things i love. partially it’s to show how i connect to little things and ascribe magic to the mundane.  partially it’s because i like thinking about things i love, i like typing them out, and i like that i could keep going for thousands and thousands of words.

i am laying in bed at 7:30 AM with the lights off and the shades drawn.  blue  light comes through the slats because it’s the better time of year, the one where i finally get vitamin D, the one where the birds chirp at 4AM, the one where the sky isn’t impenetrably black til 10PM.

there’s a weighted blanket tucked around my legs.  my partner rafi bought it for us to share because it’s soothing and heavy and comforting and helps with my physical pain.  right now it’s soft on my skin and if i get too emotional as i write, i can pull it over me like a cloak until i’m settled.

the apartment’s walls are blank because we’ve spent eight months intending to put art up and keep forgetting.  but there’s a newly-unearthed dining area in the kitchen because i finally shifted around the unpacked boxes that were dominating the space.  it’s new and it surprises me every time i walk out there.  it’s open and inviting and bright and it’s a sign that we’re making this place home.

we’ll put a cheap IKEA table by the window and we’ll probably never eat family dinners there - why would we sit in hard chairs and make stiff conversation when we could all cuddle on the couch - but my partner dev will create a place to do their art and the surface will be constantly littered with drying watercolor experiments.

we’ll hang our art one of these days, too, when our collective adhd offers a miraculous combo of remembering + having time + having motivation + having inspiration.  rafi has the most art because they’ve been collecting it for years.  i have to start smaller.  i’m not used to keeping physical objects.  dev has a few pieces thrifted or bought at local artist events or painted themselves

so we’ll put art up in the living room, my single “you are magic” flower print alongside a naked monster lady that dev fell in love with when we browsed art at a yuletide event months ago, alongside rafi’s monster girls and comic characters and book characters and literature art and quotes and abstract pieces and whatever else they have hiding in boxes.

my head protests that naked monster ladies do not belong in the living room, although the picture isn’t overtly sexual.  but then i remember that they do, actually, because it’s our space and we can do whatever we want with it as long as the lease isn’t broken.  there isn’t anyone in the local social circles who’d be perturbed by the decor, as far as i know.  i don’t have to hide anything from my parents because i live 3600 miles from them, and even though i miss my mom, the distance is good for me

there are two exquisite chairs on the porch.  they fold and recline from thrones to nearly-horizontal beds.  there are pillows and cupholders and trays and specific spaces for both a book and a phone.  i can sit there while the morning sun rises and read or play word games or browse tumblr, cup of coffee beside me, trees shielding my eyes from stabby sunbeams

there are remnants of the last tenant’s garden in one corner of the yard.  we’ve done fuckall for yardwork but plants struggle through anyway.  some seem to have sprouted by accident.  mushroom clusters populate the edges of the fence.  the apartment squirrel (there are probably several, but i like to think it’s a single energetic creature) runs back and forth along the fence & i always lose my train of thought & then laugh my ASS off at the “SQUIRREL! XD” adhd moment.  birds kick up leaf litter and play on the ground looking for insects to eat, they wiggle their tail feathers and flap their wings and sometimes they disappear and then return with friends

a little more than eleven months ago, i packed all of dev’s and my shit into a uhaul and drove and drove and drove to get to this city i’d never been in before to live with a partner i’d never cohabitated with.  we were homeless for more than a month, we weathered some financial disasters, we met some great people and some shitty ones

on the drive i fell in love with the sky.  i didn’t know how big it can get - actually, that’s a lie.  i’d FORGOTTEN how big it can get.  i’ve loved the sky thirty miles out to sea, no land in sight in any direction, just blue water and blue space above.  i’ve loved the vastness and the yawning beneath me and the knowledge that everything is BIGGER than i can fathom.  the depth of the sea doesn’t frighten me, it’s home. i don’t want to die, but if i had to, the ocean makes a soothing grave

in north dakota i discovered that i’ve been partially blind my whole life, which is a different tale that showed me i’ll never stop learning myself.  in montana we struggled up thousands of feet of mountains with the car huffing and puffing at the trailer’s weight, and when we finally coasted downward, it felt like sudden freefall.  we ended up in the pitch darkness of night on sheer winding interstates with midnight construction projects forcing detours.  the mountains felt hungry, they had teeth.  mountain cliffs are much scarier to me than the ocean depths

i bought a red bull and poured a little out the driver’s side door as an offering to hermes, because i’m not particularly religious but i’ll take help where i can get it.  slammed that back in a few gulps and shook to bright-eyed alertness and ended up behind a slow-driving red pickup truck that guided us over about a hundred miles of mountain terrain

i thought, that’s just some construction worker driving between sites.  the roads are empty at this time of night, but it’s an interstate.  of course we’d end up behind someone.  this isn’t divine intervention.  this isn’t the benevolence of a god

i thought, but it can be a little magic.  if i want it to be.  

and it was.  it stays with me.

god help me but i’ve been writing this stream of consciousness for more than 30 minutes and i’ve said nothing.  i haven’t talked about the city, the parks, the people, the conversations, the books, the tv shows, the movies, the communities, the library, the animals, writing, reading, singing, acting, swimming, analyzing, creating, supporting, building.  and i can keep going.  i can come up with hundreds and hundreds of things i love and i can write paragraphs about all of them

so i’ll stop here.  you get the picture.  love is the life i’ve made for myself, the surroundings i’ve built, the quiet moments i can capture, the inspiration i pin, the magic i commit to memory.

i had to work so damn hard for every single bit of this.

i’ll be fucking damned if i let it go because my brain tried to trick me into thinking death is better.

-

2. spite

there are people who want me to die.

i don’t mean that i have a giant entourage of personalized enemies who curse my name and plan my individual demise.  although there have been plenty of people who have not liked me much.  probably some of them would enjoy my death.  i don’t give a shit about that

there are people who want me dead because i am a dot on a grid they dislike.  a faceless anonymous enemy who meets too many bad criteria with numbers and percentages and shrinking majorities and shifting public opinion

because i’m gay.  because i’m bipolar.  because i’m autistic.  because i’m a dropout.  because i grew up poor.  because my spine curves and my shoulders ache.  because i squandered my potential, because i didn’t have enough potential, because i didn’t love god enough, because i love the wrong gods, because i don’t worship, because i worship wrong, because i didn’t seek a husband, because i never wanted one, because i talk too much, because i can’t be controlled, because i chose to leave the fold when i realized it was suffocating me, because i’m ugly, because i’m gorgeous, because my body belongs to me

pick your poison.

this bothered me growing up, a lot. i knew i did not deserve to die. but if enough people tell you that you should, a little part of you will wonder if they’re right.  that little part might become bigger the closer they get and the louder they shout and the longer they wear you down

we know the rough shape of this story, i don’t need to tell it.  mine was messy and not triumphant and i survived more by chance than premeditation.

i’m older now.  by and large i’m still young as shit - i’m 24 - but GOD i am LEAGUES away from 15, 16, 17. i know who i am. i know what i want. i know how to get it. and when i don’t know that, i find out. i tell the truth.  i ask for what i want.  i use my time how i want.  i do what i want.

there are days that i can’t access the “love” side of the equation.  no finding poetry in birdsong or sugared coffee for me, thank you, i feel like shit and the world is awful and everything is too big and fast and cruel and everything wants me to die and it wants everything i love to die, too.  everyone i love.  it’s all garbage. the good doesn’t touch me

trauma is difficult to describe.  the difficulty is compounded by the fact that my trauma is influenced by my various neurodivergences, bipolar included.  i never know if i’m feeling what other people do.  i don’t know if i’m voicing unpalatable feelings others are afraid to express - or if i’m just othering myself, admitting i’m not as human as everyone else.

there is something malevolent and monstrous inside me.  i don’t touch it all the time.  but i don’t pretend it isn’t there.  it sits in my chest and molders or radiates or oozes.  it presses at my throat.  it curdles in my stomach.  it hurts what it touches, whether that’s me or someone i love or someone i hate.  it sets things aflame with no regard for the precious or the fragile.  it tears down walls and razes shelters and begs for apocalyptic rain.

i can give this thing names, clinical descriptors.  i know what it is on a diagnostic chart, in a ponderous article, in an academic debate, in a fiction novel, in a war movie, in a memoir.  there are a thousand ways to describe this thing.  the descriptors aren’t important.  what is important is this - i have learned that most people do not walk side-by-side with a tornado-hurricane-hellfire-weaponized-open-nuclear-reactor.  this is not a “normal” expression of human emotion, this is not me trying to ascribe power to “bad bipolar feelings.”  this thing lives in me and i know why it’s there and it is not designed to be held/silenced/muzzled/controlled by my body.

it does not help to pretend this thing does not exist.  it does not help to try to reason it away or ignore it or tell it to stop.  it wants what it wants, it does what it does.  possibly if i was better at therapy or stubbornness then i wouldn’t resign myself to that

but it is fucking EXHAUSTING to try to fight something that’s part of me.  to try to reshape it, rename it, pare it down, make it consumable for the masses.  it’s a war i have never won and it’s a war that i will lose if i keep fighting it.  i cannot fight with myself.  i cannot beat my monster into submission.  if we’re gonna battle like that, head to head, me trying to cut it down, me trying to be the hero, it rearing back like a fire-breathing dragon,

then it’s stronger.  it’s always stronger.

so i surrender.

but that’s not where i stop.

can’t fight it.  can’t kill it.  can’t muzzle it.  can’t reshape it, can’t disarm it, can’t contain it.  

alright.  

so what now.

if the surrender was a full giving-up, this is where i’d passively accept that i’m doomed to hurt and destroy everything precious to me.  can’t fix it.  will lose everything, will never experience or deserve happiness, will make the world worse simply by existing.

that sure does sound like impending-doom rhetoric.  hop skip and a jump from some dire-ass conclusions.  

so fuck that, i say. 

here’s a better question.

if it has to get out, then what happens if i control where it goes?

here’s the thing.

the monster doesn’t care what it kills or destroys or hurts.  

“have a conscience, care about things, remember love, stop yourself, don’t do this don’t do this don’t do this.” 

 losing battle.  lost war.

 it’s not the monster’s fault.  the monster doesn’t have complex motivations or hates or fears.  it exists to protect me through scorched earth.  a remnant of a chemical imbalance, maladaptive coping mechanism, bipolar crazy, traumatized injury.  it doesn’t know that its job is obsolete.

i can’t change the monster.

but my mind is a separate thing.  my mind knows what matters, what my priorities are, what i find precious, what i want to protect.  my mind remembers all the things the monster doesn’t.  

my mind has learned things the monster can’t.

when i fight it head-on, the malevolence is stronger than me.  but as i am, walking with it, sitting in my bed writing this while examining the void and the consciousness, describing it, quantifying it,

that’s when i’m stronger.

and with my mind as the stronger force, i can decide where the monster goes.  what it touches.  what it destroys.  what it burns.  where the ashes land.

i do not want to be a destructive person.  i want to be someone who builds, repairs, changes.  i want to make the world better for kids like me.  i want to stop pouring more gasoline onto a fire that’s been burning since long before i was born.  i want to believe - i do believe - that positive change is better than negative.  i do my best to plant good things and enact that positive change instead of becoming a beacon of wrath.

but there are a lot of kids surrounded by people who want them to die, and not all of them have a protective monster.

so it’s good.

when i’m depressed, my mind loses its battles.  my cognizance slips.  i forget why i care.  i forget what i want.  i forget how happiness feels, how to find pleasure in quiet moments.  

i don’t get depressed as often as i used to since my meds are adjusted correctly now.  but it still happens.  it will keep happening for the rest of my life.

my mind weakens and curls up and stops fighting, and the monster is always there.

it’s a very powerful thing when it wants to be.

it wants to survive.

the thing is, it knows there are people that want me/us/whatever dead.  it’s been fighting them forever.  die like they want?  my mind says, sure, what does it matter.

the monster says, nah.  our work isn’t done.  and fuck them, anyway.

so we get up.

-

so that’s how i stay alive.

i typed this for 90 minutes and after editing i’d spent two hours on this post.  i don’t know if anyone will read it all.  i don’t know if it’ll mean anything.  i don’t know if these thoughts even make sense, much less if i’ve conveyed the feelings i have.

i love being alive.  and when i don’t, i love being a monster.  it’s good.  all of it is good.  i’ve reconciled my uglier pieces.  it’s not one or the other, love or spite.  it’s symbiosis.  i need both, i love both.

no guarantees that this is helpful, but based purely on my own life experience, these are my tips for survival:

you’ll have to find your own roots.  i can’t give them to you.  

but it’s possible to dig them in and spread them far enough that one uprooted peg doesn’t shift your whole equilibrium.  

and when you’re tired, rest, and let yourself be tired, and find the reason why you’re staying in the world. 

 i’m positive there’s at least one.

figure out why you’re losing your battles and then change the game.

if you can’t win one setup, don’t try to beat the system.  adjust your strategy.

you’ll be surprised by what you can love when you stop fighting the disparate pieces of you, and instead figure out how to use them.

[crozicrs]

hello it is june again, back at it with a demon son here to ruin everyones lives. if you’d like to plot with zeke -- please give this post a like && i’ll hit you up to plot. ilu all k thnks bye 

( kiowa gordon / male ) ZEKE CROZIER is 24 years old and is a SENIOR at thales university. HE is majoring in FINE ARTS and is known for being THE CYNIC as HE can be FORTHRIGHT and EXPRESSIVE as well as SARDONIC and BLUNT. every time i see HIM, HE reminds me of tattered leather jackets, trails of smoke and ash, paint stained clothing.. ( june / 24 / she&her / gmt+2)

BASICS.

✘ born and raised in arizona ✘ the most most cynical person you will ever meet ✘ always smoking. never catch him without a cigarette ✘ panromantic / pansexual  ✘ very shy when it comes to his art ✘ primarily a painter but dabbles a lot in graffiti bc #vandalism 

did they have a connection to steven or nana?

zeke can be difficult to get along with, and it tended to be the case when it came to nana. they could bicker a lot and zeke would go out of his way to be blunt and damn near hurtful. he never cared what he said or how it affected nana.

( trigger warnings: abandonment, violence, minor drug mentions)

ABOUT.

✘ zeke crozier grew up in a typical delinquent fashion. he rebelled against anything and everything he possibly could, an extreme problem with authority. his parents weren’t exactly attentive -- too busy with their own lives to really pay attention to their son. he was often left to his own company, seeking family in all the wrong crowds. perhaps his actions were a cry for help but his childhood showed him that nobody could possibly be kind and genuine. he’s seen to much selfishness in his lifetime to believe anything else.

✘ he got into many fights in highschool, one incident bad enough that the threat of expulsion and the potential to land up in juvi looming over his head. a compromise was made, and he was later shipped off to his grandparents who would then care for him -- and while it was the best thing to happen to him, far too much damage had been done. 

✘ while the physical violence in his life seemed to come to a standstill, he later learned that he didn’t need to use his fists to be cruel. his words were sharp enough to cut deep. with the exception of his grandparents, zeke is under the impression that everyone has an agenda and simply looking out for themselves. much like he is in a way. he doesn’t care for the company of others -- or rather he’s afraid to allow himself to become close to anyone. his trust issues are immense and he would rather have someone hate him from his own doing than risk the potential of getting himself hurt.

✘ zeke’s grandmother, in an attempts to bond and provide some sort of outlet to her grandson, got him into painting. they both soon discovered that he shared his grandmother’s talents it was the only thing he seemed to take an interest too, something that he was actually good at that wasn’t filled with detachment and resentment. he would lock himself away in his room for hours and hours, finally keeping out of trouble for once

✘ he managed to graduate his new highschool with fairly decent grades, his art clearly outshining the rest of his grades. he managed to score himself a partial scholarship to thales and he had every intention to decline but his grandparents constantly begging and pleading him to at least give it a shot. he took a few gap years before finally accepting the offer (which was still surprisingly still on the table) 

✘ even though he discovered he quite likes to party, zeke still tends to keep to himself. if booze or other recreational substances aren’t in the picture he isn’t exactly interested. it’s difficult for him to relax and let go. 

✘ his attitude towards most people is incredibly blunt and harsh, not caring how his words affect people. he knows pain and anguish the most so why not inflict what he feels on the inside onto others. he excepts everyone to stab him in the back anyways so why not beat them to it.

✘ he keeps his art and his major to himself mostly, most people really not knowing what the hell his studies. unless you’re somehow close to him, the only people who see his paintings are classmates and professors. he gets really shy and flustered about it and does not like to talk about it at all. 

✘ despite his general distain for people, he tends to mostly paint portraits. he’ll often sit with his sketchbook and draw people around in public. so odds are, he’s probably drawn most people at some point.

CONNECTIONS.

✘ softness -- please just someone he is weirdly soft with ?? like he just adores them and isn’t a complete asshole with them and is just a normal human just give him fluff ok cool bYE

✘ frenemies -- bc lets be real, he’s going to be an asshole to people he calls friends. he cannot help himself

✘ fwbs / hookups -- who am i to not just make my muses hoes. i cannot be stopped. a mans has needs.

✘ partners in crime / bad influence -- someone who just enables his shitty behaviour and just embraces the fact that they’re both horrible people and that it’s perfectly ok and fuck everyone else k bye

✘ good influence -- someone who is trying their hardest to put a bandaid on this poor boi and mend his broken heart ok and loves him despite all his defiance 

✘ enemies / exes / stuffs -- he is who he is and he’s pissed off a lot of people ok 

✘ muse -- maybe someone hes just sorta infatuated with and ends up drawing / painting a lot and wdym it’s an obssesion i have no idea what you’re talking about

uHHH IM DOWN FOR LITERALLY ANY AND EVERY CONNECTION MY BRAIN JUST CANT THINK RIGHT NOW PLS LOVE MY HORRIBLE TRASH SON

[redwoodrroad]

after i finished Jormag Rising, i uh wrote up something i immediately imagined--just like a wrap-up conversation between Rytlock and my commander. im really proud of it, but i don’t think it fits for ao3 where i would normally post fic, so im putting it here! if you’d like to give it a read, let me know what you think!

im also realizing it’s. a little similar in setting to the Rytlock’s short story segment that anet put out after season 4 episode 5, but who doesnt love a good talk by a fire--it’s low stakes, like having an emotional talk in the car because it eliminates the awkward feelings people have to face when they’re forced to look each other in the eye while talking about serious topics

anyway please enjoy <3 it’s no work of art, but i had such an influx of sudden inspiration that i really wanted to write it out, so let me know what you think if you’re interested in reading my take on how Rytlock feels about Ryland, the current situation, how fatherhood has affected him in this one instance, etc

Rytlock sat at the fire, hunched slightly and unmoving. Having been concerned for him throughout this Jormag-related escapade, Eridunis approached and sank down carefully beside him. They didn’t speak for a moment, but soon Eridunis looked to Rytlock and started,

“... Are you doing okay?”

Firelight flickered across Rytlock’s face, reflecting in his eyes.

“No. I’ll be honest, Commander: I’m not.”

“I’m... here if you want to talk,” Eridunis offered, sliding back a little to give Rytlock more room.

Rytlock shook his head. “I just can’t believe it... I can’t believe... the arc I witnessed—First Ryland was just getting too damn cozy with an Imperator; then he was joining that Imperator on some... some fascist brigade... Then I thought—Well, he must have been brainwashed so well by Bangar that he could be convinced to willingly awaken an Elder Dragon to—to serve Bangar... And then this. How the hell did it come to this...”

Eridunis paused for a long time. After thinking carefully, he replied, “I think... This was probably Ryland’s plan for a while now... Maybe not the whole time, but—Let’s be honest here, Bangar was never gonna be Jormag’s Champion—“ Rytlock nodded with raised eyebrows, unsurprised by the observation. “—I mean I definitely didn’t think for a moment that would end up being Ryland, but... He’s smart. He... knew what he was going to do when he entered that ruin. This was all... leading up to it.”

Rytlock went still again, still staring at the fire. He flashed back to fighting Bangar, beside Ryland for the first time, only to watch him step forward and accept the horrific mark of Jormag.

Sighing, Rytlock blinked and leaned back, out of his head finally. “Do you know why I—“ He started slowly but cut himself off to restart: “Did I... Did I ever tell you why I never... brought him up... with you or with anyone?”

Eridunis blinked too and thought about it, scoring his mind for an answer. He soon shook his head. “No.”

Rytlock looked past the fire. He paused but soon began to explain, gesturing, “You know it’s... not really in Charr... culture or whatever... to be all family and kid-raising and all that... You know, you got your Sire and you got the Dam, and when she has the kid, it... goes away, right? Gets raised to... join a warband and not get all caught up by family shit. That’s the way it should be.” Eridunis squirmed, not agreeing—but Humans were different. His life was different. “But when Cre had Ryland,” Rytlock continued, shaking his head slowly, “I... I couldn’t stay away. I just felt this... this tug... towards him and towards him and towards this... this idea of being in his life.” He looked to Eridunis, seemingly a little uncertain suddenly. “Do you know what I mean?”

Eridunis nodded. “Yeah. I get that.”

Rytlock nodded back and looked away, pausing before he continued, “Something was different though. Now when... when I was a cub like that... I was... the smallest, weakest little runt in the group—no one liked me—couldn’t do anything right... Not to get all pity party on you...”

“Don’t worry about it,” Eridunis cut in with a small smile.

“But Ryland... He was liked enough... He got on just fine—got along with people too... He didn’t need any help.”

Eridunis frowned, suddenly thinking of something. “I was... under the impression that you didn’t see him,” he started quizzically, “Which was why Bangar was able to swoop in and... you know, get close to him in the first place.”

Rytlock scoffed. “Remember all those times Logan came to visit Divinity’s Reach to see you and his brother?”

Eridunis instantly thought of all the times Logan came to visit throughout his childhood—he had so many stories for him... He always looked forward to his visits. Smiling a little awkwardly, Eridunis nodded. “I guess you weren’t just twiddling your thumbs, huh?”

Rytlock let out a huffy laugh. “Yeah, exactly. I went to check on Ryland and... well, Ryland is my oldest, so... I guess my big head put a priority on him for some reason...” He trailed off, but after a long pause he continued again, “I kept... thinking he would need help... You know, what I would have done to have my Sire see me get pushed around—but I’m not—I’m not jealous—“ He began snarling with his self-defense, “I’m not—not rubbing my paws together like some sort of angry jackass—“

“No, no, no—“

“—waiting for him to fall over so I can sigh in relief over not being the weakest Charr in my bloodline—“

“Rytlock, I would have never thought that!” Eridunis cut in finally as Rytlock waved his hand in sharp dismissal. Eridunis turned to him fully and put his hand on Rytlock’s arm. “Rytlock, seriously—I get it. You weren’t jealous, you just—you wanted to be a father.” Rytlock stared at the ground as Eridunis continued, “You... lived this life of fear and frustration—no one understood you. I get that—I lived that! You thought... that if Ryland would be anything like you—his Sire—that he would struggle through his experience in the fahrar. You expected he would struggle in the same ways you did—and when he didn’t... you didn’t know what to do. You weren’t jealous that he was doing better than you at that age, you... you felt helpless.” Rytlock flicked his eyes up towards the fire again, looking drained by the actualization. “He... He didn’t need help. You kept... imagining what it would be like to be a father in this culture that doesn’t have fathers, but when your own son acted in ways you didn’t expect and didn’t look up to you, you pulled back even more and got distant, and you’ll never know if you could have had a better life if only you’d been honest with yourself and with him when it mattered most—and oh gods, I’m talking about me and Logan.”

Rytlock looked to Eridunis with wide eyes. Eridunis froze, looking down while he processed what he had said. He soon looked up to Rytlock again, and Rytlock raised his eyebrows before he asked, “You uh... got a lot still going on with that, huh?”

Eridunis paused but nodded as he let his head fall a little. He then shook and started again: “Anyway—What I really want to say is... You don’t need Ryland to look up to you.” Rytlock deflated and shook his head. “Really—I know it’s not all about that, but... It’s not your fault that this happened. It’s not... by some failure on you as his Sire that Ryland has chosen this path. Whether he chose it all himself or fell into it through bad influence, it’s not your fault.”

Rytlock looked gravely sullen. “... I won’t be able to kill him, Eridunis,” he said lowly, shaking his head as he stared at the fire again. Eridunis was struck not only by the use of his name, from someone who has primarily used his title for the past few years, but by the stark realism of the statement. Rytlock shook his head again. “No matter what he looks like. He could be... undead... Risen—Branded... and I would still know it’s him.” Rytlock’s eyes grew wetter. “I’d still see my son and think there must be a way to save him.”

Eridunis hesitated but gripped Rytlock’s arm again as he replied, “Don’t think about it—that’s not... on the table... not... now. Just—focus on where we are right now.” Rytlock closed his eyes and nodded, scowling at nothing when he opened them again. “Listen,” Eridunis continued, “Ryland’s... current situation aside... This is not your fault. You didn’t orchestrate this, Bangar did—“

Rytlock nodded with another scoff. “Yeah, him I’m okay with killing,” he bites.

Eridunis let out a dry laugh. “—Yeah, really—But look: You did not do this to him. You didn’t... screw him up, Rytlock...”

Rytlock didn’t seem completely convinced, but he looked to Eridunis and gave his best impression of a smile. “I get it. I know you’re trying to help, and... I appreciate it. I appreciate you being here.”

Eridunis nodded with his own smile. He sat back again and felt the urge to continue: “I know nothing can replace him in your heart...” Rytlock stifled the urge to gag. “... But if it helps... I’ve always looked up to you.”

Rytlock swung his gaze to Eridunis in absolute shock. “... Real shit?”

Eridunis cracked a bigger smile. “Yeah. I mean, when Logan first took me to meet Destiny’s Edge in old Lion’s Arch, I definitely walked away from that calling you an asshole under my breath to Logan—“

“Wow, thanks,” Rytlock grunted playfully.

Chuckling, Eridunis raised a hand, and he soon continued, “But—after I saw you save his life when we went up against the Flame Legion, this man who... had always been in my life and who I don’t know what I would do without his influence... When you saved his life, I immediately started to see you as someone I wanted to be.” Rytlock’s expression softened beyond what Eridunis thought could have been possible. Eridunis finished, “If you need to feel like you’ve made a good impact on someone in your life... let it be me. Let it be—Rox and Braham and Taimi and even Kas and Jory—Arkus, even. Let it be Logan, Rytlock.”

“Even Canach?” Rytlock cut in jokingly.

Eridunis snickered. “Yes—despite the fact that Canach would rather jump off a ravine than admit that he has feelings, I’m sure he appreciates the friendship you have.”

Rytlock let out a laugh and looked away again. He leaned back, propping his hands on the grass. “... Thanks.”

Eridunis paused, hoping he’d finally said the right thing for Rytlock to heal from this. “... You’re welcome, Rytlock.”

Eridunis soon leaned back and mirrored Rytlock’s position, and they both stared at the fire for a long while.

... Soon, though, Eridunis started again: “If you keep stressing out like this, you’re gonna grow more grey fur.”

“Say that again, and I’ll gut you right here.”

“I’m just saying; you’re gonna look like a snow leopard by the time we’re done with all this.”

“I’m pulling out Sohothin right now—“

“Don’t pull a hip while you’re at it.”

“—throw your body in the lake so when you come back to life again, you’ll be frozen solid anyway—“

Eridunis laughed, leaning his head back, and Rytlock couldn’t help but laugh with him, both of them finally relaxing after a long and terrible night.

[emptymasks]

Yancy being totally flustered and ruined by Illinois calling him pet names is totally valid but you know what’s better? The first time Yance feels comfortable enough and happy enough to be like ‘Aww, Illi, ain’t you a doll?’ and Illinois stops dead because HE does the pet names and complimenting, HE does the charming. No one charms him. But his heart is Bang Bang Banging and Yancy has a 404 adventurer on his hands.

ain’t you a doll // yancy x illinois 

Pairing: Yancy x Illinois

Words: 1089

Rating: General Audiences

Read on Ao3

Tags: Fluff | Tooth-Rotting Fluff | Fluff and Humor | Domestic Fluff | Romantic Fluff | just a lot of fluff | Romance | Dating | Dates | Pet Names | POV Third Person | Touch-Starved

Notes (more notes at the end): finally got around to writing something for these two. i put the call out for prompts for yancy/illinois two and a half weeks ago and im finally writing about them. i jsut finally felt inspired and woo boy this got really soft i was dying writing them holding hands. 

@wexeatxthexrude thank you so much for the prompt

edit: fixed the formatting issue, damn you tumblr why do you like to warp my fics. thanks to those that let me know.

Another adventure successfully and mostly safely completed, and anotherpriceless artefact soundly and more than mostly safely delivered to the museum.

This wasn’t the first adventure Yancy had tagged along on, but this was thefirst time he’d come with Illinois to the museum to deliver what they’dretrieved and Illinois felt stupid for worrying about whether Yancy was goingto like it or not. Of course he was going to like it, I mean thisplace had the most complete triceratops skeleton in the world! Okay… that’sone of the reasons he liked it, didn’t mean Yancy would. Illinoisforgot a lot of the time that not everyone found old fossils and relics andremains as interesting or cool as he did.

Luckily, Yancy had been enthralled as Illinois walked him around theexhibits and gave him his own exclusive, honorary tour, that was packed withway more information, and much more accurate information, than the museum’sofficial tour guides could ever offer, and hey he also heard this exclusivetour had the best looking guide.

And also luckily Yancy hadn’t gotten bored or fed up of him rambling andgetting over-excited, he’d just listened to everything and smiled and been sosupportive Illinois hadn’t felt this… it felt too early to say ‘loved’…admired maybe… He hadn’t felt this ‘unnameable positive emotion that made hischest feel warm and tight’ in a long time.

“Hey you know, there’s a cafe next to the lobby in here, and when it’snice and hot like this they sell ice cream, you want to grab any? Mytreat?” He asked Yancy once he’d finally finished leading him around theexhibits.

“Aww, Illy, ain’t you a doll.”

Illinois froze.

What… just happened?

Did Yancy just… call him a pet name?

No, no, no, that was his job, he was meant to be the onefull of compliments and pet names. He charmed people, people didn’tcharm him.

People didn’t… When was the last time anyone had charmed him?Illinois tried to think back and sure he knew when people were looking at himlike they wanted to do something to him, or wanted him to do something to them,but no one really flirted with him unless the occasional confident soul shot afew lines back at him as he winked and smiled.

But no one called him pet names, people didn’t call him pet names, Yancyhadn’t ever called him by a pet name before. Yancy was cute and softer, whileIllinois was stoic and cocky and tough, not that Yancy wasn’t tough but… Theway Yancy had said that…

It was just a pet name, just one word, why the hell was he freaking out somuch? He felt the urge to put a hand on his chest to see if his heart reallywas having as much of a fit as he thought it was. His cheeks felt hot, had theyalways felt that hot? It was fairly warm in here but the museum did have airconditioning but it was the summer so-

Something flashed across his face.

There it was again.

It was Yancy’s hand.

“Ill? I didn’t break yous, did I?” Yancy was a lot closer than hehad been before, when did he move? Oh god Illinois prayed to whatever strangedeity might shine down on him that he hadn’t just been standing here for whoknows how long staring into space.

“No, no,” Illinois cringed and coughed as he heard his voice comeout almost squeaky. “Not at all darlin’ you just, uh, took me bysurprise with that is all.”

“With what?” Yancy tilted his head to the side.

Okay maybe he could get away with pretending this never happened. “Oh,nothing, don’t worry about it, but I was saying wasn’t I that I would-”

“It’s cause I called yous ‘doll’ ain’t it?” Yancy was grinning butthere was an insecurity there as if he was afraid of being embarrassed if hewas wrong.

“I, uh,” Illinois shook his head. “Alright, you caught me. Ijust… didn’t expect the pet name is all.”

“Yous seemed to short circuit on me for a second there. How not used toit are you?” Yancy laughed and Illinois dug thumbs under his belt andbalanced back on his heels as he ducked his head (something he was starting tolearn was a nervous tick of his, not that he got nervous of course). “Oh,real not used to it huh?” And Yancy knew what his body language meant andthat was something unusual but… sweet. Not many people had stuck around(whether by their own choice or… not their own choice) long enough to get toknow him this well.

“I suppose I’m used to being the charmer but not the charmee,”Illinois joked, or at least tried to, it must have not worked considering theserious expression on Yancy’s face. “Yance? That’s not… weird, right?How I reacted, I mean.”

Yancy’s eyes stayed serious but he smiled. “Oh not at all, doll.I'ms just thinking what I can dos with this information.” And he smirked,Illinois hadn’t even known Yancy knew how to smirk. “So, what was thatyous were saying about getting us ice cream, sweetheart?”

Oh no. This was bad. This was very, very bad. Yancy had too much power.

He his face heating up had nothing to do with the room temperature thistime. His hand found it’s way up and tugged at the collar of his shirt.

“Yeah,” He tried to shake the feelings off. “I’ll lead theway.”

Yancy, shyly but slyly leaned into him as they walked and brushed theirhands together. Illinois almost jumped, but pushed his hand back into Yancy andhe saw how Yancy’s face lit up from the corner of his eye. Something like thiswas a big step for both of them, both touch-starved from their time alone, butYancy was also so used to people touching him because they were hurting him.Illinois was making sure that never happened again, and was trying his best notto mess things up.

Yancy smiled and held his hand and squeezed it and just looked so darn cutethat Illinois turned his head to the side and slid his hand over his stubbleand over his mouth.

“Yous alright, Noisy?”

“I’m fine, Yancy.” Illinois sighed and dropped his hand, failingto fight the smile off his face.

“Alright,” Yancy cocked his head and grinned. “Doll.”

Tag list: @theshysepticeye @the-marvel-encyclopedia @gabby-doo @actrmrk @smol-gay-nerd184 @salmonisforthebagel (let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for my ahwm fics, also let me know if you want to be taken off the tag list)

More notes:

and if you guys could please help me out and and reblog this promo post for the heist charms, stickers and pins i’m making and selling that would mean the world! there’s also the link in there to my Etsy shop where you can buy them plugging that again because i need moneys

also if you want to see the heist art i keep drawing you can follow me on instagram and twitter

[annoying-lucy]

Evan Evagora did an AMA involving the Star Trek Shitposting Facebook Group - the questions and answers below were copy/pasted direct from the collated master post. Evan is a member of the group, who participates under an unknown pseudonym.

———————————————

AMA Master Post!

Thanks so much to Evan Evagora for taking time out of his day for our AMA earlier. To make the questions and answers easier for ya'll to find, here they all are together below.

Q: How does my love of cats compare to Elnor?

A: Im actually more of a dog person, there was a scene that had Elnor and spot 2 unite briefly but unfortunately it didn’t leave the editing room

Q: How familiar was I with Star Trek before and did I have to do research?

A: I grew up with TNG, I’d have to say either worf, Guinan or Q are my favourite characters. And I was given episodes to watch that were to help with information before filming Picard

Q: How was I prepped to deal with the crazy fans?

A: I got told to join Star Trek shitposting 😉. Not but in all seriousness, it was Jonathan Frakes who gave me advice on entering the world of fandom from the other side and he said it’s been nothing short of a pleasure

Q: So if Hugh had survived would they have made out?

A: what happens on the cube stays on the cube

Q: My favourite moment of s1

A: getting to slice that romulans head off

Q: How did I hear about Star Trek shitposting?

A: most of the crew is either a part of the group or knows about, one of the amazing hair and make up ladies got me into I think my first or second day

Q: If I had to be Tuvixed with someone excluding elnor?

A: mirror verse Elnor, nah worf to be honest

Q: What is something I’d like to do in season 2

A: Id like to see Elnor and spot 2 together

Q: How am I passing my time woth quarantine?

A: ama for the gronp! Nah I’ve just been reading, writing and also the contact I’m having with the fans too has really helped a lot

Q: If I had to quarantine with any of my costars who would it be and why

A: I’d go with hardy treadaway he’s got the nicest place

Q: What am I hoping to see in Elnor’s future

A: Inner peace, contentment and possibly shorter hair?

Q: Am I intimidated by working on a show with such a big fan base?

A: no I grew up with Star Trek, you’re really in a bubble of filming when you’re making the show, it all didn’t really hit home until the first trailer at San Diego

Q: Would I consider playing Elnor as non binary

A: I’ve seen a lot of debate and discussion about not only my character but others in the series, if there is something that connects you with a character on this show and it resonates with you, even if it’s shown, not shown or hinted at I’m all for it. I am not for the constant belittlement, bullying and criticism of not only the characters on the show but also other fans. It really does break my heart reading comments where people aren’t welcoming of one another, because that is the whole reason why Trek has bought so many together and by spewing these disgusting cruel words out your not only showing the world you don’t understand the meaning behind the show, you also are destroying the thing that makes us all love it

Q: Is there Australia on romulas

A: yeah they have a down under I’m sure of it. No the accent can easily be explained with, Elnor left romulas at a young age, moved to a planet with different species and languages spoken so that influenced his accent

Q: Have I seen Elnor fan fiction and art?

A: yeah some of it has been really amazing! And some others have been...creative

Q: How excited am I to make home movies with my action figures?

A: my plan is to buy everyone’s, make them record audio and then film shit using the dolls and their voices

Q: Are you playing animal crossing?

A: I’ve preordered it because they’ve sold out here in aus, but in playing civ 6 to pass time and Mario party

Q: Did I get to try Romulan ale?

A: no I wish, I’m kind of hoping for a scene next year where Elnor gets drunk for the first time

Q: What character did I wish would appear in our show?

A: one word, one letter Q

Q: What’s my background have I been acting long?

A: Picard was my third acting gig, and the first project to release, so I have got some experience acting and I have previous work but it has either just aired or is going to next year

Q: Please my friend choose a charity you would like us to donate to

A: food bank

Q: Favourite ninja turtle

A: it’s always been Raph and always will be

Q: Do I know much about Elnors background

A: I know things that haven’t been mentioned yet, but also given his character is new and season 1 just finished, hopefully some of those things are explored

Q: How would o feel about the fan theory that Spock is my father

A: I mean, I’m not really sure, I can always shoot Ethan a message and ask him what he thinks too

Q: Which classic episode trope would I like to see?

A: mirror universe

Q: Can we look forward to more ninja representation?

A: is Elnor not enough? ☹️

Q: Were there any particular characters I drew inspiration from, any elves?

A: there’s a particular group of people I think Elnor might have been inspired from. Can I just say how cool it would be if Elnor is just cosplaying as an elf because Picard left him a copy of Lotr when he was young

Q: Would I be open to exploring Elnors sexuality in s2 and what would it be?

A: I am totally open for that, and as for Elnors sexuality, I’m not sure he’s only 17 he’s just left his planet and gone off on an adventure where he openly knew the success may lead in his death or others he hasn’t had time to figure himself out so seeing his sexuality explored would be amazing

Q: What stories did you hear about working on precious trek series from the OG actors?

A; So we found out Michael Dorn used to muddle his lines up because he was normally the last close up of the day. They used to put bets on to see how many takes he’d have to do. All I must add in very fun spirits nothing ever malicious or mean

Q: My long term career goals

A: id like to keep pursuing more roles I’m acting, I’m a big writer and have some projects I’m looking at getting created but right now I’d say I’m just here to learn and grow

Q: What do I write?

A: right now I’m working on three screenplays and two pilots most of the stuff I’ve written is just sitting on my hard drive just waiting to be used

Q: Ever fried an egg, buttered and vegemite'd some toast and eaten it like a sandwich?

A: what I just read, scared the crap out of me, I love vegemite but the most I’ll do is add cheese to it

Q: What is one of my favourite stories about s1

A: Jeri Ryan and I had a scene together in the borg cube (what a queen she made!) it was shooting at night and I think it was the final shot of the day, we couldn’t keep a straight face and just laughed through about fifteen takes

Q: Are you a big fan of fandom besides Trek?

A: Star Wars, lotr, the magician series Raymond e feist, a song of fire and ice series, avatar last air bender and legend of Korra (would love to play zuko) and of course Batman (fav Jason Todd as the hood)

Q: Could I see myself playing Elnor for six or seven years?

A: as long as there’s a good story that myself and fans will enjoy, but if it didn’t meet my expectations no. And also hopefully the writers and creators would want to

Q: My top TNG eps are in no particular order

I borg, all good things, tapestry, the measure of a man and all good things

I’ll also add I borg especially because it’s just cool seeing where Hugh began and how he ended up

Q: How did I land the role of Elnor?

A: I was on a break from filming Fantasy Island (a movie based off the old tv show) and I was home for pilot season which is when they cast for shows, I had two weeks of daily auditions before I was due to fly back and start filming again, two days before I was meant to leave I got an audition for Picard, the script had a code name and Elnors name was Kbar on it, but I was told it was Star Trek. I went into the room and thought I didn’t do a very good job, then I flew to film and two days later I was told I’ve made a list of people being considered, after a few more auditions and a couple of phone calls from producers and everything I found myself on a plane to LA five weeks later

Q: Have I made friends among the cast?

A: no, we tried really hard to become friends, but unfortunately we ended up becoming a family instead. Everything we say in interviews about us getting along is all true and not fake. I’m the newest to acting out of everyone so I was kind of of shocked to find out that how close we all are isn’t necessarily how it will be when I shoot other projects, so I think we just got lucky or they casted really well

Q: Have the Picard people seen your memes?

A: yes I’ve shown them the memes from the page, I’ve shown everyone including Patrick we find most of them funny (some shocking)

Not shocking in a bad way

Unexpected I should say

Q: How do I feel about the ears?

A: I wore them so much they came up in my dreams, but they were the easiest thing to apply onto me

Q: Which non tng character would I like to see return?

A: I wouldn’t mind seeing the doctor

Q: The most relatable Star Trek character?

A: Look for me growing up it was Wesley, i just picked anyone who was the young one. And I grew up with my sisters and was always being told I’m either wrong, an idiot or just to shut up

Q: Did I have previous martial arts experience before the show?

A: I have a background in boxing which helps when it comes to movement, reflexes and just all around fitness for stunts. I didn’t have any sword fighting experience before we began training for the show however

Q: How do you think being raised by an order of women affected Elnor?

A: I think it gave him a healthy understanding of not only the strength and resilience of women but I think he understands not only gender equality but just equality in general and I think that’s directly to do with growing up in a sect of all female warrior nuns

Q: What is a type of meme you would like to see more of in the group?

A: I love all the memes in the group, I hardly like any of them now incase someone figures out who I am though ahahah

Q: Favorite recent memes?

A: See my comment below