#but in a extremely happy way like WE MADE IT !!! way yk? after all this shit after all this fandom friendship we shared we always survived

[anchorandrope]

if you ever open this website and see a post claiming you can't be actual friends with your mutuals i am happy to announce that the boyfriend of one of my best friends - aka a larrie i met here on tumblr years ago - proposed to her yesterday when she left my house after we went together to louis' show.

[sn0wp1anets]

observations about joel (mostly speech stuff) and interactions with others bc ive been hyperfixated since the beginning of time (also theres alot of bs commentary im sorry)

general stuff:

very very british like extremely british

'bloody' and 'blooming' ALOT - when he's annoyed or shocked or offended (im gonna call this his pseudo swearing for the rest of this for convenience)

instead of very he says 'well' sometimes (e.g. "this bloody pico park music is well annoying) and "absolutely"

instead of really he says 'proper' sometimes so "stress is proper northern" etc

instead of 'i haven't' he says "i've not"

he gives an explanation for basically everything he does and instead of because he says 'as' alot

'to be honest' "i bloody hate woodwork to be honest" (sometimes he says 'to be honest with you' too)

'innit' occasionally "it's like waterslide innit"

'like so'

'by the look of it'

he gets irritated really easily - "for goodness sake" and he'll start cutting himself off alot "this bloody-" and also his voice gets much more high pitched and his pseudo swearing gets way more frequent. also 'blooming heck'

(and also this isn't super relevant but when he gets mad all his friends start commenting on it and its the funniest thing- in the overcooked stream as soon as he starts getting annoyed everyones like 'oh here he is')

i didn't know if i should put this in a specific section but he says 'babe' alot - not just to lizzie but to jimmy like ALOT and also in general - i'll talk about this a bit more later tho !

pauses alot: in between words/phrases, and also before he answers questions (this is not as often but also if he wants someone to stop him- he was playing scrabble and was basically asking if someone could spell out vagina so he was slowly going 'and a g....and an i...and a n...' etcetc idk this isnt relevant i just thought it was worth mentioning)

he's kinda an oversharer 😭 ? (this is lh hes 31 im sure he shares what he thinks is appropriate) but at any given moment he starts giving details about his life- a kinda memorable example of this is in mcc26(?) when w*lbur made fun of his accent so he started telling a story about his grandfather and giving alot of details about him after he said he couldnt talk too much about it AND grian begged him to stop

repeats things (especially when he's annoyed) : "game's a bloody joke. game's a bloody joke"

he basically never says 'oh my god' its always 'oh my gosh' or 'oh gosh' sometimes its 'oh jesus'

his voice is generally higher pitched and more expressive in videos than in streams but this is more of a general cc thing than a specific joel thing

very confident in his builds (AS HE SHOULD BE !!!) and he'll share his thoughts alot : "i think it's come together really well" "lovely" "i'm really happy with it/with how it's turned out" etcetc

when he narrates he uses a mixture of 'I' and 'We'. what i've noticed is he uses I for his thoughts ("i feel like" "i think") and we for everything else ("we need" "we're quite high in the sky" etc)

'genuinely'

'what (are) you on about'

'what the heck'

he will say very random (kind of odd) things just out of nowhere as if its normal and he'll only realize it's weird when someone questions it? e.g. the mumbo trauma dumping bit in SL, or in one of jimmy's streams he said 'until i get back to the hotel if yk what i mean' and jimmys like 'i dont' and joel just goes 'idk either'

accent stuff:

it's really recognizable idk what to say

very northern: hes from yorkshire - his accent used to be stronger in his old videos but you can definitely still hear it (like its still super different from grian or like mumbo idk)

his 'th' sounds come out as 'f' (idk if this is an accent thing or a joel thing but he's talked about it and said his family members have it too)

again not sure if this is an accent or joel thing but when he says any word with 'con' he says it kinda differently- it's hard to describe but for example when most people say convention the 'on' sound is more like a 'un' sound? whereas with joel its very much an 'o' sound like in 'box' or 'coffee' (genuinely have no idea how else to explain it but in phonetic symbols- joel essentially never says /ʌ/ it's almost always /ɒ/ when its a 'con' word)

jimmy-

NICKNAMES !!! 'jim' is used alot - more than anyone else and one of the only people who calls him this. hes used 'mr neutron' too (idk how many times'

(he also doesnt actually say tim/timmy often and when he does its exclusively when grian is present)

typical british male friendship nicknames: 'lad' 'big man'

when he joins jimmy's stream he always says hi in a very dramatic way?? usually with a pretty deep voice (idk this is just something i noticed)

he calls him a loser alot?

(this might be more of a bad boys point) but joel is generally not that mean to jimmy? definitely he's meaner than he was a few years ago but that makes sense because they weren't as close but. he'll call him a loser and stupid/idiot sometimes but his main 'bullying jimmy' momentsare usually always when he's with someone else (usually grian, sometimes fwhip)

'what are you doing jimmy' or sometimes 'what are you doing with your life'

lizzie:

'babe' like all the time. once lizzie mentioned that they don't even really use each other's names alot because they just say 'babe' all the time

oli:

ok so joel really doesn't use that much like modern internet language but oli does and then joel will pick up on it (its cute but also horrifying sometimes)- he kept saying 'dogs' in reference to feet after oli said it

they flirt alot but differently to how he does with jimmy (hes more passive whereas with jimmy he initiates it more idk how else to describe it)

he calls him 'man' sometimes

he's also really giggly around oli theyre adorable

(tbh theres so much more to say about oli and lizzie but idk if i have the energy and time for like 10+ years of interactions rn - and honestly alot more for everyone else too but like.)

grian:

in general joel picks up on people's energy etc and mimics it alot but it happens so much with grian specifically - this sounds very weird but the more time he spends with grian in one go the more he starts to act like grian (especially with interactions with jimmy)

[annefolklore]

Soft Gwinam x Reader headcanons

Warning: NSFW content

—————————

He was confused and scared at first about his feelings about you.

He didn’t believe you when you said that you like him back, but felt relieved.

Everyone knows about his reputation and he’s certain that you’re gonna leave him, so he enjoys every eye-contacts, dates, discussions and physical contact between you before you see you deserve better.

He tries not to get involved too much in physical fights anymore, but somehow they always find their way toward him and of course he’ll fight back. After fighting, he would look for you, so you could help him with his sores and wounds.

He’s kind of awkward on dates because he doesn’t know how to act, but he try his best to be at least a bit romantic for you.

Gwinam definitely has a soft spot for you and think that he’s great at hiding it.

The corners of his lips always slightly turn up, the second he sees you and you manage to catch them most of the time, before they go back to their neutral expression.

He’s kind of rich but no too rich yk?

Possessive

EXTREMELY POSSESSIVE

Did I mention that he’s possessive asf?🧍🏾‍♀️

He’s a munch, you literally have to push him away every time, because this man forget that overstimulation is a thing. He even made you squirt one time.

Choking kink…

“I don’f feel like going to school today, can you skip the day with me” he’s always saying. “You never feel like it Gwinam and no I’m not skipping and neither you do”

He loves hearing you saying his name, he loves it more when you’re moaning it tho.

His love language is act of service, giving gifts.

I just know this guy LOVES thighs. Thin? Big? He doesn’t gaf. When y’all are sitting next to each other, he wouldn’t hesitate to put his hand on you and grip you, but would make sure that he has your consent. I think this would be pretty much the physical thing he do, since it’s not one of his love language.

If you like physical touch or wants to cuddle with him, even tho he’s not used to all that affection and kinda get tensed when you don’t warn him before suddenly hugging him, he would simply give you what you needed.

I think he would like skateboarding. I can easily imagine him in a skatepark with his friends/other bullies.

——————-

BONUS

I was standing under my umbrella, in front of my boyfriend and I's favorite restaurant, waiting for him. It was our five months anniversary and we decided to go at the same place our first date was.

However, Gwinam was late. Usually he’s never late when it’s to see me. I just hope he didn’t got in trouble, on his way here. I already tried calling him multiple times, but you always landed on his voicemail.

Few minutes passed, before I see a tall figure jogging towards me. I squint my eyes and recognized my boyfriend’s face. His lower lip had a split with some blood on it and had a bruise on his left cheekbone.

“Where were you? I was worried!” I say when he got in front of you.

“An asshole tried to fight me, so I fought back” he answered.

- You said you would avoid fights!

- Yeah, but what did you wanted me to do? Let him beat me up?

“No but-“ I started before he interrupted me. “Y/N, I don’t want us to have an argument today. Could we talk about that topic another time? I want us to be happy and to celebrate for the moment.”

I agreed and we entered the restaurant. We got a few looks because of Gwinam’s face, buf we ignored them and got a seat. Since he and I started dating and more and more people who knew increased, we got a lot of judgful looks. The other students at school would make comments like “ I never saw that coming” or “How can someone as sweet as Y/N can be with a bully like him?”. I didn’t and still don’t care though. I would be lying if I said I never asked myself how could I love him, but every moment I passed with him reminded me why.

We settled down and sat down at the table. I looked in my purse and took out a small first-aid kit. It's a habit I've taken since Gwinam and I formalized our relationship, since he’s always getting into fights I would always bring a kit with me. After taking care of his wounds, I turned my head to the left to look at him, but he was already looking at me. He put his hand on my left thigh and I gave him a small smile before he said “I bought this for you”. He looked in his backpack and when he pulled out his right hand, a red rose was in it.

- I didn’t want it to be all ruined by the rain so I put it in my backpack, but now it’s a bit bent and faded… he said with a semi-neutral semi-sad look.

- It’s okay, thanks love, I say with a smile on my face, before leaning in to kiss his right cheek.

“ I told you to stop calling me that” his grumpy voice said while he tried not to smile, rolling his eyes of fake annoyance. “Shut up, I know you like it” I answered.

He putted his hand on my thigh and we went through the menu to decide what to eat. The waiter came by a few minutes later.

The evening passed wonderfully. We laughed, smiled, hold each others hands, talked ect. “I almost forgot”, I say before going in my purse and took out a box. The corners of Gwinam’s lips went up for a few seconds as he opened the gift and his eyes went wide when he saw what it was.

- Y/N, that must’ve been so expensive, he says and takes the 2 VIP concerts tickets. You know I don’t like you wasting too much money on me.

- What do you mean wasting? Gwinam, I told you multiple times that we are gonna last, stop thinking that I’ll leave you. It’s not a waste.

- Okay, I’ll stop.

He slightly smiled and gently squeezed my left thigh. “Thank you” I heard him whisper under his breath. “I have another gift for you” he suddenly says before going again through his back pack. He pulled out a small box and I opened it to reveal a necklace made of gold with a matching bracelet. “Gwinam… I don’t know what to say”

- Then don’t say anything, he says while looking at me. Come closer, I’ll help you to put it on.

I did as he says and turned around and pulled up my hair with my hand so he could have full access to my neck. He clipped the two corners of the necklace together and I went back to facing him. He then took my wrist and carefully put the bracelet on, for me. I saw a bit of hesitation in his eyes, before he slowly brought my hand to his lips and awkwardly kissed it.

I gently cupped his cheeks and leaned in to lock our lips together and I felt him smiling through our kiss.

Gosh, I love this man so much.

————

I hope you guys liked my headcanons/bonus! English is my third language so I’m sorry if there are some errors in the text .

[simping4-2manyppl]

HIIIII i just LOVE the way you write and i wanted to send you a request so here i am!

the band (separately) falling in love with fem! romanian! reader

like how will they react to all the traditions and the food and stuff and reader had this thick accent yk

and if you need more informations abt romania just tell me

thank you very much if you're gonna do the request!

Hii of course! And tysm! I appreciate the kind words 💗 @ma0ta thanks so much for informing me with the traditions and basically just the Romanian culture! i think its super fascinating! Anyways lysm! i hope you enjoy!! I also used some google translate, if its not correct please lmk so i could fix it! Maybe some errors btw!!

UNFINISHED

Bill kaulitz 🎤

LOVE THIS GIF OF BAE 🤭

When you first met bill he noticed your accent and asked you where you were from, you obviously noticed he also had an accent so you both decided to tell eachother at the same time.

Both being young kids you became friends quickly, eventually growing up with him. You would sometimes tell him things about your culture and he would always be so fascinated by hearing you go on and on, being able to listen to you talk about it for hours.

It truly amazed him.

That was something that you loved so much about bill, he was never disrespectful towards your culture and he always wanted to learn more about it, so much that you even taught him some words.

Naughty ones, of course. But obviously the basics such as, Buna ziua (hello) ce mai faci? (How are you?) and most of your words containing ‘your mother’. Which never failed to make him laugh.

After you and bill had gotten closer, he had learned that you celebrate ‘dragobete’ On the 24th of February, like your own kind of valentines day. And he, of course made sure to spend the whole day with you doing some of your basic family traditions and even going to dinner with your family!

But what he didnt expect was seeing how much family you had, he saw probably more than 10 family members all around, which he didnt mind at all, he was just a bit shocked.

He had met your parents a couple times before, when you were younger but never had the time to have a full on conversation with them.

When you went around and greeted your whole family he also greeted them, pulling out some of the Romanian that you taught him. He was super glad that he actually took the time to learn your language or else he wouldve just felt so out of place but your family made him feel welcomed and he appreciated that.

When it was time to eat, the table was covered with some of your favorite foods, such as, “Sarmale” (meat and vegetables in pickled cabbage and once in a while it is also put in a vine leaf) "Mici" (beef, cow, pig, etc) and "Mămăligă” ( basically an alternative for bread) and so much more delicious food.

You had served bill some of the food you thought he would like and he did! He was nervous about trying it since he had never had Romanian food before, he had only known some of the food since you had told him about it but he actually did end up enjoying the food which made you feel extremely happy that your best friend put in the effort to learn about your culture and basically all of your traditions, and especially learning to love the food.

At the end of the night, you two were outside alone, just talking about random things. After it got quiet for a while bill broke the silence and spoke up, “I had a really nice time tonight ___.” He said, with a smile on his face as he turned to you, you smiled back at him and nodded, “im glad bill!” You said, with a big grin on your face, now facing him. “He looked into your eyes as you looked into his, both smiling and blushing as his face was now inches away from yours.

He placed his hand on your cheek, smiling, “i really like you ___…” he said in a whisper. You blushed and started smiling, “i like you too bill..” you said, biting your lip, still with a big goofy grin on your face.

“___, i have been inlove with you ever since we have met. And i love the way youre so kind and your accent. Is just. Oh God i love it.” He said as you placed both your hands on his cheeks, pulling him in for a kiss.

the kiss ended as you placed your forehead on his and stared right into his eyes, with a big smile your face. That night, was the night you realized you had found the love of your life.

Georg Listing

They barely have any GIFS of my man 😔 but he looks so adorable in this AHH

When you first met georg you were walking out of the small coffee shop and had accidentally bumped into him, dropping his coffee on the ground, “Oh my! Im very sorry!” You said, apologizing.

Being the kind soul that he was he reassured you that it was okay, but you insisted on making it up to him with a brand new cup of coffee, saying it was on you.

He didnt mind as he thought you were stunning, so he agreed. You both walked into the coffee shop, getting him a new cup of coffee as promised.

You decided to sit down with him as you also wanted to get to know him better and because you werent really in a rush to go anywhere.

“Again, im really sorry! I hope the new cup of coffee makes up for it.” You said, “No yeah, its fine! Really, but i think getting to know you is better than anything.” He said winking at you, causing you to laugh, with a small hint of red creeping up on your face.

“Alrightt, well where are you from? i can tell you have an accent.” You said smiling, taking a sip of your coffee. “Im from Germany! You? I can tell you also have an accent.” He said, causing you to laugh.

“Thats amazing, and yeah, my accents pretty thick but it just makes a person so much more interesting.” You said winking, “Im from Romania.” You said shortly after, smiling up at him.

“You’re right, accents do make someone so much better and interesting, definitely more attractive too.” He said blushing, trying to flirt with you.

You thought it was cute and just giggled, “Romania huh? Ive heard it’s gorgeous over there, that true?” He said, sipping on his coffee.

“Yeah it is! How about Germany? Is it nice over there?” you said smiling. “I mean parts of it, yeah.” He said chuckling.

That day you talked with him for a while before saying that he had to leave. “Oh no, i didnt take up much of your time did i?” you said biting your lip with a worried look on your face, “no of course not! i actually enjoyed this, i was actually wondering if i could get your number? I really enjoyed talking to you.” He said, sort of blushing.

You smiled and nodded in response, giving him your number. “Well then ill see you around!” He said, as you both parted ways. After that day youd be on calls with him non stop, or together hanging out in person.

On February 28th, you had rambled on for quite a while about how you were so excited for Mărțișor. The first day of spring, one of your favorite seasons.

That night georg had told you to meet him in the same small coffee shop you had met him in you didnt think anything of it, but you gladly accepted as you were always down to go see him.

When you met him at the coffee shop he had given you a silky red-white thread that was tied into a bow, with a small trinket attached onto it.

You were surprised to say the least, but you gave him the biggest hug and kiss on the cheek which caused both of you to blush.

You admired it and smiled to yourself while he admired you, he was glad you loved it, even if he didnt know much about your culture he always tried to ask questions and search about it so he’d know more about your culture.

Expect that this one he had kept it a secret from you, wanting it to be a surprise. “I just thought id show my appreciation for you.” He said blushing, you looked up at him with a big smile. “Thank you georg, it really does mean alot to me..” You said, looking at the gift in awe, as you had a small tint of pink on your cheeks.

Gustav Schäfer 🥁

HES SOOO CUTEE AHH I LOVE HIM SO MUCHH 🙁💗

Im so srry you guys i rlly meant to finish this but i never got the time, but i hope yall still enjoy what i did write 😭💗💗💗 also im rlly sorry for the lovely person who wrote this request in they were amazing and truly a big help, i feel terrible i never got around to finishing it! And ty all for the requests aswell i rlly do appreciate it but my motivation is literally gone 😪😓 i still love tokio hotel dw!

[taylortruther]

Rae I was just having thoughts about You're Losing Me a while ago, and it really is just such an enigmatic song yk. I can never explain the way it made me feel the first time I heard it.

Just sumn about hearing all those wonderful, romantic, idyllic love songs about Joe for five whole albums and then just. YLM hits you like a truck because till then we still hadn't processed it all. Joe had been painted as this perfect, calm supportive partner who can do no wrong and Taylor is happy and it will always stay that way...and then April 9th happened.

Public perception is a crazy thing, and it's even crazier how nobody even DARED to speak the words that thy could've broken up before they did...but the red flags were there all along. It reminds me of the line in sotb "I don't speak, afraid to jinx it" and now that song is in the denial playlist. Truly everyone was in denial for like a month after the news dropped and we weren't even IN the relationship, I can't imagine how bad it was for Taylor herself.

Someone on Twitter quoted the breakup announcement with "Isn't this the guy she wrote Lover for? Yeah, we're all screwed". Amazing how much her own songs made everyone believe everything was okay till the very last moments.

I think especially what YLM strikes me as is a song centered around not wanting to throw away a "good thing" i.e. the Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

YLM is so horribly bleak imo, because it's not hopeful AT ALL. The last line is very literally her "making the decision" that unless he chooses her, she's done. And to think this was written in 2021?? Had she already accepted the truth back then? Did the denial stage start even BEFORE that? Was she sitting in the dark room for an year and a half?

The thing that hurts the most about a song like this with all the lyric parallels, is watching something you thought was gonna last forever turn out to be so disapointing in the end. Not WANTING to lose something you've built with so much love, even when you realise that the love has disappeared. The shattering of a mirage. All the We survived the great war imagery on Midnights to My heart won't start anymore for you. Her paralleling her own past songs will always break me. The silence that only comes when two people understand each other to You say 'I don't understand' and I say 'I know you don't'.

Of course the fandom believed at a point that they were endgame, but SO DID SHE. That is what makes the song harder to digest because it really feels like a personal letter to her fans, released ONLY for us months before it was made available to the public. I stand behind the theory that Midnights was the Denial album, and YLM (the bridge between Midnights and TTPD) is her waking up.

i know this isn't the point of your ask, but bear with me! i would argue that many fans realized some songs were describing dark or heavy moments - but, call it parasocial if you like, the fandom just wanted to believe they were working through those issues, not that the relationship was unhealthy or bad. (and no one wants to be labeled as a hater, which, maybe we can work on as a fandom now lol.) for example, i thought hoax and renegade were troubling, the line "your integrity makes me seem small" rubbed many of us the wrong way, we all clocked "maybe it was her"... meanwhile, unfortunately there were lots of theories about how it was "all in her head," which fortunately i think we can all put in perspective now. OK BUT MY POINT IS, it also makes it easy to imagine (as you said), that when you're IN the relationship itself, the good parts might overshadow the bad. you could cling to something that is beyond saving because there's still comfort or hope, and denial is extremely strong. denial can feel like hope tbh.

i think ylm really shows that she was trying so so hard, for so so long, that she was running out of steam in late 2021. and he wasn't make it easier for her, because he wasn't making his needs or true desires clear.

ANYWAY good thoughts, i enjoyed this ask!

[kyeomyun]

OH WOW ITS ALMOST 2024?!?@? oh wow... it's been... a year.

Yes I know. "Jada you left in like August and 2024 is literally in like 6 hours from now." YES YES I KNOW. I am not going to be writing for a while and I am kinda sad I won't be able too. BUT THIS ISNT ABOUT ME.

I want to just appreciate all of my wonderful moots who have made this year extremely eye opening for me. We haven't talked much in a while since school and 2023 being the year I regretted way more than appreciated. I took time for myself to find who I am but I think about you all every. single. day. You mean so much to me and I wish I showed you all more regardless of me building myself up.

@stormyjisung : my first ever moot ever. even before tumblr, we met on Instagram and let me tell you, we were simps for each other LMAO. nyx is literally the sole reason why I took time off anyways because her advice made me realize the internet was indeed altering my head very negatively. she is the person I run to, annoy, laugh with, and enjoy to talk to every single day. it's going to be 2 years since we met and every year I looked up to her as kind of... a role model. her work ethnic inspired me. nyx is just the type of person you will want to be around and talk to. but she will fucking discipline you when she think is needed. anyways, she is forever my heart, sun, moon, everything.

@wheeboo : OH MY BAE. THIS IS MY BAEEEEEE. rania. we have no spoken for a WHILE. it's been a fat minute since we have spoken a word but that one day we did talk to each other after I went away for my hiatus, oh my. IT WAS SO FUN. SHE IS SO FUN. it is just crackhead energy and it's amazing. rania inspired me as a writer so much yes, but HER. the person behind those extravagant stories? you will fall head over heels for this woman. she is funny, charming, loving, yes. just yes. sorry but me and rania are like 🤞🏽🤞🏽. once I get my life together, I will love to talk back to you.

@etherealyoungk : SKYE. SKYE SKYE SKYE. BAHHHHHHHHHHH. skye is like a magnet. that's how we are starting out. it's like you just want to be with her. it's just- you love skye ok. if you know skye, you know what I am saying. but this lovely person right here is just amazing. she is really lowkey yes but she is that person you can just chill with. like I imagine just us sitting in complete silence, someone say something dumb as fuck and then the conversation goes on from there. BASICALLY THE IDEAL GIRL BESTIE. I love skye so much dude it's crazy :((( ONCE AGAIN, I WILL TEXT YOU ONCE I AM WORKED OUT.

@rubywonu : NIAAAAA. we haven't spoken much but the times we did talk were so much fun 😭 every conversation was so fresh and funny. we are still in the learning about each other stage but once we do, WE WILL BE INSEPRETABLE. WE WILL TALK. TRUST.

@trblsvt : LIIIII. omg.. we follow each other on instagram and have not texted for a while wow. I MISS YOU SO MUCH DUDE AAAAAA. YOU WENT TO SEE WAVE TO EARTH AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO JEALOUS OF SOMEONE. WE NEED TO TALK MORE YOU TALANTED SOUL.

@icyminghao : NOELLE. MY LOVE. MY HYPEWOMAN. you are just a bundle of JOY. noelle is that someone you want to protect with your life because her happiness is everything. EVERYTHING YOU HEAR ME. it's also been a while since we have spoken because yk- life. but the times we did talk.... we spoke in caps so you knew the conversation was either juicy or just downright out of pocket. once again, she is a charmer. you will never fall out of love with noelle dude. the day you meet her, you are trapped. IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE OBV. anyways, WE WILL TALK AGAIN. I REALLY HOPE WE CAN.

@star1117-archives : wow.. long time no speak BAHAHAHA. I can say our text should not be exposed to the public. never. but lowkey, miles, you are the most savage person ever. LITERALLY. miles will shut you up in a matter of just seconds and make you rethink. but it's been so long since we texted man... we should lowkey do a reunion with the gang in the discord server we left dusty asf. ANYWAY, miles is the kind of dude that lowkey makes fun of you for dumb shit but in the most chill way possible. idk how else to explain it ;-;. he is just that someone you will enjoy to have and that friend that has your back no matter what. he protect.

@fairyhaos : my precious yena :((. it's been 2 months since we have spoken a word to each other but as like the others, I think about you EVERY DAY. she is one of the first moots I have made on tumblr and let me tell you, she is a sweetheart. it's like a small joshua :((. she is like a freshly bloomed flower and you need to nourish her :((. ANYWAYS. yena. love her. to the ends of the earth. she is such a gentle and caring friend, it's almost hard to believe you can be friends with her. that's until you bring up joshua BAHAHAHAHA. she becomes a whole different being ;-;. BUT WE NEED TO TALK AGAIN PRECIOUS.

@gyu-effect : OH MY GOD SARAH. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? HAVE YOU BEEN OK?? this girl right here. BIGGEST TAEMIN STAN IN THE BOOK OK. no but seriously, Sarah and I had alot of deep talks about life the times we did talk. and I mean DEEP. but her mindset is so careful(?). she is really caring with her friends I should say and that warms my heart in the best way possible because how was I able to win someone so magnificent like you in my life :((. we should really talk again babe <3

@jaehunnyy : uh oh. my WIFEEE GUYS. MY WIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. OK LET ME TELL YOU. IM HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HER. ITS CRAZY. INSANE EVEN. I miss her more and more everyday man :((. everyday we don't text, it's like a gap is missing. it's been a little over a month since we last texted so IMAGINE THE SUFFERING. this babe right here though is just someone you will get on one knee for and ask for marriage. that says alot about her. you start talking to her, time skip and you are married. anyways, my wifey is such a loveable wifey. we go crazy together <3

@lvlystars : NINI I AM NOT GOING TO LIE. I KEEP FORGETTING YOU HAVE A NEW ACCOUNT. BUT YOU 🫵🏽🫵🏽 she is my soul sister. we are twins. we text occasionally on instagram and let me tell you, our mind length is like- WE SEE EACH OTHER. anyways, she is my bestie, my pookie. nini is so fucking hilarious too like her sense of humor >>>>. ITS EVERYTHING. me and nini be talking to each other like we have known each other since the 2nd grade 😭😭. ANYWAYS, nini is such a character. she is always so bright but when it comes to mingyu- a whole lecture on why he is the best boyfriend. but she is so real on that so-

@mesanthropi : obv I'm not about to forget about you weiss. you see, me and weiss have a special bond. we met and decided to do a collab all in the same day. we are just built different. we are an inseparable duo that talks, doesn't talk for like weeks, and start back talking as if nothing happens. WE ARE JUST LIKE THAT. anyways me and weiss are literally besties. minecraft besties. simp besties. you name it. I MISS YOU SO MUCH MY POOKIE WOOKIE. everyday without you is like a crack in my heart 🖤🖤🖤🖤

@slytherinshua : AAAAAAAAAAAA. we were still learning about each other as well but you are such a cutie patootie love :((. hopefully soon we can get to know each other more <33

@wonwoonlight @wqnwoos @idubiluv @i43shuji @odxrilove @hannyoontify @haowrld @luvhyun3 @blue-jisungs are a few extra moots which I have either just now started to talk to or was terrified to DM. either way, you guys made this year 10× amazing.

for my followers in general, thank you all so much for sticking with me. I started this account in the middle of last year but "rebranded" this year. which was kinda a mistake considering how 2023 wasn't my year (minus the concerts I've been too). but you guys made me so much more confident in writing and taught me so much in ways that did not had to be verbally spoken. I love you guys so much. everyday I come on here, I always think about how you guys are and how lucky I am to have such amazing people on here. as the days go by, I always try to remind myself that me writing is a hobby and not a competition and I have learned that very quickly with the help of you and all of my wonderful moots. once again, I want to thank all of you for racing with me to the end of this year despite all of the long-lasting breaks I have took for my mental health, thank you for simping with me, thank you for loving my way of art and expression because you do not understand... a simple reblog, a single viewer that scans our stories means so much to a writer. especially on an app where writing stories isn't the main feature. I have made accomplishments this year with my stories and my writing style but my biggest accomplishments yet was having such a wonderful audience, a loving group of moots and the sweet words you guys put in the tags. I am not going to make this very long for I have things to do going forward to the new year but... I cannot express how grateful I am for you. every single one of you.

cheers to the new year loves!!

2024, please be better for me and every other person that had to endure so many hardships this year. if not, make at least one moment where they can remember that bad things do not last forever <3

[your-queer-dad]

Hey queerdad!

Just really wanted somewhere to talk, because I feel really hopeful in a way I've rarely felt before this year.

I'm moving for my first year of college tomorrow! I'm super excited and can't wait to finally have a space to live independently from my parents.

I'm really excited, I'm going into art education (aiming to be a teacher) and I have friends there, I have a job, I'm excited for my classes, I'm just really excited to be "an adult" and get my shit together yk? I feel like I have a good path started, no matter where it takes me.

I've started HRT thus beginning my medical transitioning at last, I've started to get recognized in my community for my art which is largely about trans issues (which is HUGE because my area is in a US state that isnt very good about trans people), and generally I feel like I'm really pulling myself together.

Last year was extremely rough for me. Really, the past ten years, even if I was a kid ten years ago, have been rough mentally emotionally and socially. But I've finally really established myself with good friends at last and I've let go of people who weren't good for me and I wasn't good for them and it was TOUGH but we made it through and after all those years of trial and error I'm READY! I know me, I know my needs, and I've set my goals and I'm equipped to cope when things go awry. I'm feeling good about the future!

My parents are sad to see me go, but they're kind of controlling, so I'm really happy to be out of the house where I can talk to them but from a distance. I'm trying not to break their hearts but they'll find a way to cope eventually. And I'll be back eventually.

Hhhng it feels like if my life was a TV show, this is a new season, and GOD am I hyped about it!! nervous as all hell but excited.

TL;DR im getting my shit together and feeling hopeful about the future near and far. no matter what yall go through I promise a better future is never impossible--there's always a day where you will feel hope, no matter how far that day is. <3

-signed, a future art teacher and future fellow queer dad

Hey kiddo!! That's incredible I'm so happy for you!! I'm so proud of you. You've gotten through so much and you deserve every ounce of happiness in the world. I know you're going to be an incredible art teacher and I am so excited for you to have new experiences and new opportunities, and you deserve every one of them. I'm so proud of you and keep up the good work.

- dad x

[lover-of-mine]

Is it weird that when I read The coming out storyline was suppose to be for Eddie, I just got extremely pissed. Like... we finally could have had a good storyline for eddie after seasons of basically nothing and half-assed stuff. Only for it to go to Buck, a character that always has a front-centered storyline. It just bothers me. It wouldnt have killed the show to have just kept Buck on the downlow for a season. But no he gets the storyline, that even tim agrees made more sense for Eddie and Eddie gets whatever the f*ck is happening with Marisol that is just the a non-storyline really. I don't know. It just pissed me off. Maybe Eddie will finally get his due in Season 8, but with the history of this show, I'm questioning and doubting everything when it comes to Eddie. The character deserves better. Ryan deserves better. I'm happy for Buck fans and for Oliver who clear thought Buck was Bi too, but this is just shitty for Eddie fans, cause we're stuck with another bland girlfriend (A homophobic actress at that) and no guarantee that Eddie will every get a storyline like this, if ABC says no. Not to mention a lack of prospect for an actual good season long arc for Eddie if this is already Tim's idea of good writing for him. I just need to vent somewhere, and maybe you understand some of what I am feeling. Bottom line I guess, I'm just tired as Eddie fan of getting the short end of the stick on this show. But maybe I need to have more faith in everything.

Baby really, I think you're super valid for feeling like this, really, I love Buck, I do, but it does get annoying to watch him get yet another huge arc, even more with the amount of focus there was on him last season too. And to hear this storyline was studied to be about Eddie did make me feel some time of way. Especially considering Eddie has yet another girlfriend he didn't want to get he's moving too fast with that adds nothing to the plot because I still don't know anything about Marisol besides the fact that she has a brother, she owns a house, she was a nun (?????) and the actress playing her is a homophobe. I am choosing to believe they decided being grabbed and kissed wasn't the best way to spark the revelation for Eddie and that there is some plan because I don't see how they would greenlight Buck being bi and not buddie going canon and that we are going to see Eddie get his own queer arc. Maybe it will annoy you a bit too because so far I keep seeing this being sparked by Buck and Tommy, so his arc would be attached to Buck in some way, but I think we are getting there with the both of them. The fact that there was conversation about how to make Eddie queer, means they are thinking about how to make Eddie queer, so the idea is there, they could turn into it at any time. I do so so so feel you on the Eddie not getting a season arc, I think I could've enjoyed the catholic guilt angle, because honestly, that's a huge opening to see what else that guilt might be making Eddie do, if it wasn't for the Edy of it all. The focus on saying Eddie is still chasing Shannon, and a mother for Chris, and thinking about who it would be expected for him to date aka a nice latina woman, not someone he actually wants to be with also gives me some hope they realized they have my boy trapped in a closet made of glass. Again, they didn't have to take the "I'm having erectile dysfunction at the thought of having sex with my girlfriend" route, like, that's straight up the gayest thing they could've done to that man and they legit had him have panic attacks about dating a woman, like, who even thought of that? And he could be on his way to learn more about himself considering the "learning his place in the world" comment, he could be about to do some exploring and we could get some satisfying payoff here. I'm hoping for it. Praying and manifesting for it. But Ryan has been too giddy about this season for me to believe nothing is gonna happen for Eddie, yk? So, maybe, we should just keep the faith I guess. But, you're not alone in your feelings, and they're super valid, it is upsetting.

[cancerian-woman]

oooh so i feel like i can guess the answer, BUT how would you rank all of bonnie’s ships *solely* from what we got in canon vs how would you rank them based on fanon/general potential!

Oooh okay, I’ll start with canon ones then go to fanon.

Beremy: It was cute, puppy love at first but in the end Bonnie was doing all the work & his unassigned but assigned babysitter. 3/10

Bonenzo: in theory he did make Bonnie happy she deserved that. Enzo is very much “one size fits all” type of character if yk. They did get together under Stockholm Syndrome purposes and it was just done lazily? I think they would’ve been more well perceived if they started building them up in s5 or something. Killing him last minute to “trigger” Bonnie’s psychic powers or magic again was just another way to aid in her suffering. 5/10

Bamon: chemistry is great. Damon abandoning Bonnie after she needed him after bonding in the prison world’s was a good moment for Bonnie’s feelings to be shown. Knowing she has issues with abandonment. But, Bamon falls into the same category as Delena. Woman is complicit to all of Damon’s bs and a lot of that happened with Bamon. The writers said ok Elena is gone Bonnie can now agree or side with him the most. There’s Anti-Bamons, then there’s people who genuinely like Bamon and then people who ship Bamon just to free Elena of that burden of Damon lol. I do think they work best if Elena isn’t around. 7.5/10

Stefonnie: you can’t pry Stefan’s protectiveness and kindness to Bonnie in 1-2 out of my hands. He actually tried to make friends with Baroline unlike Damon. Stefan’s history with Bennett’s was another good push there too. And it’s sooo underrated that Stefan was the first vampire Bonnie ever trusted. Plus she had a lil crush on him before Elena got him. I do think they could’ve been something really good in those later seasons. Both tend to play a “hero” role to someone else. Stefan promised he would’ve fixed what he did to Bonnie and idk we needed to see that. It would’ve been nice if we could’ve gotten Damon/Stefan discussing that Bonnie’s forgiveness isn’t so easy to earn. 8/10

Bonora: good chemistry but extremely underrated. They remind me a bit of the wlw Bonkai. Would’ve been a perfect time to introduce bi!Bonnie. I liked that Bonnie encouraged Nora to do something outside of Mary. We never really got those “Bonnie’s beautiful!” By other characters but the way Nora said it continously and wanted to engage with Bonnie. It was so good. Long term and fanon-wise I think they both could’ve learned to grow out of those toxic ties to people with each other. We didn’t get Bonnie with other witches a lot and it was nice to see her with one. 8/10

Bonkai: Chris was Kat’s best on-screen partner imo. Kai brings out a darker side to Bonnie that she tries ignore often. While I think Bonnie brings out emotions Kai hasn’t felt in ages. He’s so fascinated with her in an obsessive but good for tvdu type of way. She’s the only way he sees. Bonnie isn’t a pushover either with Kai. She fights him back, she calls him out and tbh she’s even goofier with him. He pushed her more into her agency than Damon ever did. Bonkai would’ve been great for seasons 6-8. Idk if i would “redeem” him per se bc redemptions aren’t real in tvd but being good to Bonnie and Bonnie only is enough for me. Canon-fanon-9/10.

Bonlena & Baroline: I’ll just do these together. Bonlena had the stronger chemisty 1-2 era of them perfect. You can feel how close they are and need each other. Despite the negative tones with Petrova & Bennett lines repeating you can say they could be drawn to each other naturally. But, Elena does end up ignoring Bonnie so…7/10. Baroline is all about fun but they do support each other and can be protective. Caroline does try to get Bonnie out of doing magic all the time. 7/10

Bonlijah: interesting because Elijah like Stefan and Damon have harmed or betrayed Bonnie. Elijah’s done it twice. We don’t get a lot of them. Bonnie would’ve made him work for her forgiveness. Elijah likes acting on his own needs first but needs to be forced to see his wrongings in a situation and Bonnie certainly wouldn’t let up and make him focus on their errors before continuing. He did have to thing positively of her to face his brother alone. 7/10

Klonnie: based on canon I’d say season 3-4 are would be their best moments. Klaus does like witches. Bonnie had more onscreen time with Tyler!Klaus than his actual body. But Tyler!Klaus did sort of hint he admired she defied the spirits. There’s the power dynamics that comes into play here. Bonnie isn’t afraid of Klaus no matter how much power he wants to enforce over her. I can see them fanon wise strategizing together and Bonnie agreeing to help him if it means her friends are good. Canon wise though if nothing comes between them from 2-4 then they’d have to remeet afterwards. Same applies for all the Mikaelson’s. 9/10

Kennett: they could’ve bonded over magic and they do have more scenes than most BennettxMikaelson ships. Kol called out Bonnie’s death too. He saw potential in her and wanted to work with her….that being said they caused that lady to go crazy on Twitter over a 10 second scene LMAO so despite how i feel about that 10 10 10 across the board. Fanon wise i do think other fandoms taking over Kennett has deterred my liking for them. Dollar general Kennett has nothing on them. But Bonnie unlike Davina would want to see Kol for who he is. No rose tinted glasses.

Monnie/Tonnie: we don’t have a lot of Tonnie but they’re always watching each other / protective gazes when they are allowed to share a scene. This is a ship I can see working through college or when they both left Mystic Falls. For the both of them that isn’t their home longterm. 8/10. Now, onto Matt absolutely not. 5/10. Not just because Matt’s useless, but he doesn’t like the supernatural world for himself. He’s accepting of his friends and for others but it’s not something he’s really into. Bonnie already had to deal with this from Rudy. No need in dating a human or anything longterm who doesn’t like that side of her.

Honorable mention: Batherine could’ve played a frenemies with benefits role. Idk if it was the intention to “fix” Elena’s relationships but placing Katherine in these random moments but it was interesting when it did happen.

This was long and it took me a minute but i hope i answered it the way you thought of!! Thank you for the ask!

[redheadbigshoes]

j have this one friend..she was the first person I told abt identifying as genderqueer years ago and for a while she was my best friend and we talked like atkeast an hour a day every day most days (we had online classes together so basically we talked between and after classes always) but we since fell out (just life, business, started doing different programs and her parents — we’re minors — have been very restrictive of her internet acess and she lives a few hours away and I’ve never seen her so interaction has heavily died down) and I know she’s become a lot more Christian — non-denominational — lately and I wanted to tell her I think I’m a lesbian but I don’t know if it’s a good idea. Yesterday she told me she wants ti stop listening to secular music because it’s against her religion and “99% of music nowadays is blasphemous and doesn’t glorify god and music can make you subconsciously feel/think things” (paraphrased but I didn’t change her points at all) and like. I don’t knowwwww. She did clairify to me whether I use my full name or the more masculine shorthand I chose for its androgyny a few years back for the contact name. But that could be politeness. And maybe she doesn’t even think of it as a gender thing, I mean, it’s “do you want me to call you your full name or nickname,” yk? It’s just a shame because one I hate to see her doing down a more extreme religious thing (she hasn’t told me any of her politics have changed ti be clear but it does worry me) meanwhile I went the opposite direction actually and I’m a full atheist (which she doesn’t really know? I never lied but I haven’t told her) and that will be awkward if it ever comes up. she did repost one time a tiktok here it said “I went here and everyone knew you” and it was Gay Town or something which made me…concerned a little just because. It’s a mostly harmless joke but idk. Like. I wouldn’t worry if a gay person reposted it but she’s straight and I do worry just a little for that? It’s such a shame though. She would have been the first person I would have told a few years ago. Do you think I’m right to hesitate here?

You’re absolutely right to hesitate to tell her you’re a lesbian. From what you said I wouldn’t tell her if I were you. If something so trivial like music is enough to bother her because of her religion, I don’t think she would be very accepting of your sexuality.

Christians like her annoy me so much lol I think it’s such a waste of time and it’s a waste of your life the way Christians do (or don’t) do things based on fear of going to hell. I seriously can’t believe someone can be truly happy living a life like this.

From the way you said it got me thinking, she wasn’t like this before, right? It seemed like her parents forced her or smg like that.

[brandwhorestarscream]

Which Megatron do you think would be the best mom? I'm leaning towards Earthspark. I'm sad to admit that I don't think my fav, tfp, would make a good mom. I feel like he'd either be very overbearing or extremely distant.

Hmmmm that's a good question. Earthspark Megatron definitely has the most in-youe-face canon evidence saying he'd be a good parent. He's already a (grand)parental figure to the terrans, and he's doing pretty good with him. He'd definitely be a doting carrier to his own newborn sparkling

However! Don't be too quick to write of Aligned Megatron. I genuinely think anyone can be a good parent if they're willing to work hard at it and recognize that their children are individual people with people needs. And Megatron, for all his flaws, doesn't do anything half-assed. He'd definitely be a very busy parent, seeing as he's got an entire army to command, but I don't think he'd be constantly distant and pushing them away. I mean, he made the choice to carry them to term and bring them into the world (assuming it wasn't a stealth pregnancy or smthn, which could be a very interesting topic to explore 🤔). He'd do his best for them, and while I do think he'd initially struggle to balance his time spent with them and his time spent lording over the decepticons, I think he'd find a rhythm that worked for them. He's too stubborn not to

In public he'd likely be a very cold parent, but behind closed doors he's able to more freely express the love he feels for them. TFP does a great job of making him seem just. Irredeemably evil all the time, someone that doesn't experience positive emotions, but that's simply not the case. He's every bit as capable of love and happiness as every other cybertronian. Just because we aren't shown that doesn't make it any less true. Think about it, every time Megatron is on screen, it's when he's in full warlord mode. Everyone else gets individual depth, scenes wherein they're more than just a soldier or medic. Like Knockout enjoying his racing hobbies, Starscream being an adept scientist, Bulkhead working with construction. Not Megatron. We only ever see him fighting and giving orders and having to be perfectly present in the war effort, but realistically that's not how he spends every waking hour of every single day. I do think, when he's alone with his sparkling, he could be tender with them, give them the affection and love and guidance they need to grow up healthy.

Would he be a perfect parent? No. Such a thing doesn't exist. But I don't think he'd be terrible or abusive, either.

EDIT BECAUSE I REALIZED I DIDNT ANSWER THE ACTUAL QUESTION 💀

I'm actually kinda leaning toward animated Megatron. While yes, earthspark Megatron is very nice, he's also still got a lot of issues he's working through, and I don't think him working with GHOST--of his own free will or not--would be very healthy for his child. I don't think, given he's constantly rounding up the "bad decepticons" he'd be an optimal role model. With the terrans, he's not their primary caregiver. People can make great babysitters but not great parents, yk? He's in an unstable place rn, constantly butting heads with Optimus, unhappy with his current position in life, and I don't think he's in a proper mental state to consistently be caring for a needy baby. Maybe after GHOST is dealt with and the imprisonment of decepticons stops, but not right now.

TFA Megatron, on the other hand, has his shit together. Though they live in exile he's still got a good handle on the decepticons, and they're surviving well. He's all not quite as prideful and stubborn as previous Megatron's--my favorite way that's demonstrated is with the Supremes at the end of season 3. When it's pointed out to him that he isn't actually the ideal candidate, that there could be disastrous infighting and they might not obey him, he doesn't get angry. That's a fair, accurate critique of his character, and he gracefully takes it in stride. He then pivots to someone else who's a better fit, prioritizing their success over his own hubris. Most other Megatron's would get mad and blow up and let it cloud their judgement, but not him. He's also demonstrated to be an incredibly patient person, able to play the long game and focus on the outcome even if the means aren't as quick as he'd like them to be. He knows when to draw back, he makes good choices, and he's generally a pretty calm person, all things considered. I actually think, if Sumdaac's bitch ass hadn't stolen his embryo and they had been allowed to develop and be born properly, he would be a pretty great mother

[peachsoda15]

I have to get this out, oh lord, (also spoilers warnings for the second season of Alice in borderland) (side note, I’m not proofreading this, it’s just gonna spew out of my mouth, so have fun with my possible typos and poor wording)

The second season of aib has trashed me emotionally, mentally, and somehow physically, It’s been about 6 days since I’ve watched it and oh god, do I have things to say.

For one, I knew what was going to happen in the end, I saw manga spoilers, and somehow it still left me with this aching feeling. The cinematic effect of seeing everyone in the same place before the meteor, and not knowing each other but being connected is such an emotional masterpiece that will NEVER leave my brain.

It left me with a very empty and yearning feeling especially after seeing they all forgot each other and yet somehow still ‘knew’ each other (yea that phrasing is probably poor, sue me)

I’d also like to mention it made me realize things about myself and my life which is was NOT ready for at all. I related heavily to Arisu and I was aware of that, (the thing with Arisu finding his reason in life hit me very hard) but after washing Chishiya’s part play out The realization hit me so, extremely hard, that I am A LOT like him.

I’ve been told most of life that I am not an empathetic person, and can be very selfish. (the empathy thing might just be my autism shining through a bit but yk)

I was mostly aware of this but I didn’t think much of it and mostly was under the impression that is how you have to be, to get anywhere in the world, but after seeing Chishiya actively WANT to understand and change, meant so much to me and made me realize that I definitely don’t have to be this way.

I’ve never had a character effect me in such a raw, heart touching way before, and honestly thinking about makes me feel a little ill.

That stupid little doctor man (also related to the whole Med student thing to an extent so that was fun) has made me think back on how I am/was as a person, and who I want to be and for that I am so grateful to the writers. (especially because of the changes made to Chishiya’s character/backstory, it made you want to be a bit more sympathetic towards him in the show) So, now I’m being thrown on the journey of self discovery, which I’m not necessarily happy about, but I know I needed this regardless.

NOW! Onto more pressing matters, I’m so extremely angry they kept Niragi alive, and even made him and Chishiya be somewhat civil in the end. (I get they don’t have memories, but it still irks me) Also the fact we never got to see Kuina and Chishiya interact at the hospital is criminal.

I love the Arisu/Usagi romance, it’s so sweet and not overdone to the point where it was like annoying to watch. I hate when romance in shows are either to mushy, or slowly become the main point of the show.

Bonus part that I wasn’t gonna talk about, but the name of the show mirroring the “border” between life and death from the meator is genius and I love it.

[tohokuu]

i just need to rant for a minute. also my tumblr is still glitching even after i deleted and redownloaded it.

i cant actually see any of the words i’m typing … i had to change the color to pink in order to see it bc the white just comes out as black… anyway. this is very boy oriented bc i’m talking about relationships so if you don’t care, fuck off and keep scrolling. honestly this feels a little pathetic bc i’m going to be honest about the mistakes i’ve made in the last 6 months and how you should completely avoid them LOL

so back in october, i met this guy on campus that had been going to the same college as me for a while now but i just… never saw him. LOL. like he was so different looking last year and this year he’s all tall, muscular, beard etc. otherwise, i had no idea he even existed ?? ☠️ anyway, let’s call him uhhh gojo. so, i met gojo and i was like wow he’s really cute. btw, i can develop crushes on multiple guys but it’ll only be like … crushes where i find them hot and would be okay w dating them but i’m not like dying to date them and want them yk ? but this guy… i wanted him. like i couldn’t stop thinking abt this guy. we started talking and snapping back and forth for a good few weeks. we opened up about some stuff and idk it was really chill. we were gonna go to a party together and i was driving him and like… we smoked together in the car and nothing else. just talking and vibing and it was amazing. my crush obviously got stronger but the night of the party, he goes and leaves me alone at the party to hang out w other girls and i’m like … yo ??? then at the end of the night, we get into a fight over something extremely minuscule and he unadds me and i’m like yo ?… i was actually so upset and hurt. like i cried abt this in class LMAOFJSJ i never cry over guys bruh and i cried over this dumbass mf bc i genuinely really liked this guy. now… igotoveritmostlyafter a few weeks and suddenly, this guy i had on social media who i have mutuals with asks me on a date and i’m like … let’s see where it goes. we go out and it’s the first date. i pay for our starbucks. he pays for the fries and even now i’m thinking, why did i ever offer to pay so hard ?… ew. i’m not a 50/50 woman and if you disagree, idc smd. anyway, date goes well and obviously i’m still hung up over gojo just a bit but i really enjoyed my first date and i couldn’t stay hurt over a stupid talking stage yk ?.. like that’s not the way to go about life. so we ended up going on a second date. then a third, a fourth, a fifth and then it turned into a relationship that lasted just about 5 months. anyway… the first couple months of my relationship were very happy. my boyfriend was the best. the sweetest… the typical nice guy who did literally everything right. he wasn’t rich or bought me expensive gifts like gojo could have but he cared and he talked to me and loved me and that’s all that mattered. a few months later someone follows me on instagram… guess who ? gojo !!! follows me on ig and i had posted a note saying “guys i miss him :(“ and he texted me saying “who?” and i’m like “my boyfriend. why?” and he leads a conversation where it’s him accusing my boyfriend of cheating and me telling him to stfu. i obviously defend my boyfriend and i tell him about it ofc and my boyfriends outrageous ofc bc he’s got such a good character and he couldn’t stand anyone insulting that yk.. which is fine. anyway, gojo found a way to just insert himself into my life somehow. now you’re probably thinking that i could’ve just blocked him but atp, he was friends with my friends and i was like… it’s gonna be really awkward if i block him. so i kept him on social media and i’d just leave him on delivered for days and not answer. but this guys also a character bc he’d text me going. “respond. i know you’re on your phone. text me back” and i would… idk why i did. but it was always him talking about this one girl that he’s in love with and he’s always fucking talking about her and a part of me got jealous… then i was mad at myself for being jealous bc i had a whole man and i had no right to be jealous at all. i kept leaving him on delivered at later that and i would constantly tell myself “always choose your aman” which is like a bollywood movie and the lesson was to always pick the guy that will treat you good forever and not the guy who lost you and then realized what he lost and came back for you, bc she chose the dickhead in the film. anyway, i kept telling myself that it wasn’t worth it. now… when i was with my boyfriend or texting my boyfriend, i’d only ever think of him. gojo wasn’t even a

thought in my mind and that’s totally chill. that’s what i wanted in the very first place. but then i’d text gojo back sometimes and answer his texts faster than i’d answer my boyfriends … this is where i started feeling guilty. then i’d listen to songs like “moth to a flame” by the weeknd and i’d feel extremely guilty. i felt like i was emotionally cheating. i felt horrible bc i’m not the type of person who cheats or done anything that wrong bc that’s not me… but why was i feeling these emotions for gojo when i had my boyfriend ?… i’ve always been the sensible person in relationships that knows how to give perfect advice. my stance on cheating was always that if you want someone else, break up with your current significant other because they don’t deserve to feel like their heart is being played with. but here, now that i was stuck in that situation, it genuinely felt so so hard and i wanted to cry bc i kept seeing more movies, songs and references to this stupid love triangle and i was so so annoyed. also, disclaimer ! my boyfriend was never physically my type. i think he’s cute and good looking but wasn’t my type. i think i was just really ignoring everything else and going straight for the personality. then when i’d look at gojo… gojo was my dream man. he’s so cute to me and it made me mad how i was having these thoughts?? so like i came to the conclusion that i should break up with my man… so i did. i broke up with him 3 weeks ago and i was so so brutal with him bc i knew if i was any softer, i’d turn back on my word. he’s just that. fucking. kind. he’s so so amazing, even as of today. i couldn’t have left him if i wasn’t so harsh on him :/ anyway, broke up with him and this whole time i’m still friends with gojo. we never flirted or anything but the day i broke up with him, somehow i end up in his car. i was leaving campus after hours and he texted me while i’m at the light and he goes “is that you i just saw leaving?” i said “yeah. want me to come back?” and he goes “hmmm i’m bored. yes.” now you’re thinking… i’m a major red flag !!! yes… i am 😃 i go back and we park next to each other and i sit in his car with him in the passenger seat and ykw… it wasn’t awkward at all. it was natural, funny, sweet… we sat in his car and talked for hours. we talked about my breakup, we talked about the girl he loves, we talked about the bitches he’s busy with and so much other shit.

conversation with my boyfriend never flew as mindlessly as it did with him. i guess it makes more sense bc i rarely saw my boyfriend. i’d only see him every week or so but i saw gojo almost every single day, even if we didn’t talk to each other. but gojo and me had more in common… we related on more. i found him more attractive and there were things that i didn’t have in my first relationship that he had. i sound like such a piece of shit right now, i know. but i convinced myself for 5 months that i don’t need any of that stuff to be in a happy relationship. i kept my relationship going on the whole “always choose your aman” thing.. it was a sweet relationship but even as my friends said … there was no chemistry between us. and the sex ! my ex boyfriend used to be bi until a month ago, he’s straight now. he has a lot of bodies …. which i don’t care abt the number but they were literally all men, which i also don’t really care about. it’s just that he’s never had sex with a woman before and yk i was willing to be his first and it made me feel a bit insecure. it’s a shameful thing to be insecure abt and i know i shouldn’t be but i was. the making out was great, being in his lap was fun and he knew how to kiss me properly and everything. i asked him to choke me and he did it properly despite him being a pretty vanilla guy. but when we had sex… he just couldn’t do it right no matter how much i told him what to do. like i was so engrossed in teaching him bc he was fucking up so bad that it took me half an hour to cum… then when he put his dick in me, he hardly stretched me out and it hurt so bad and he wasn’t doing it properly and i was genuinely just mad at that point 😃 i told him to stop and i just sucked him off and called it a day. then there’s things like a bit of pda or etc that i wanted. we’re young, i think it’s normal to want a risky and more adrenaline rushed relationship, or at least it’s what i need… now asking him of that is unfair, i know. i asked and he said no and i was like “that’s all okay !!” but like lowkey i was starting to get bored bc there’s so many things i wanted to do and he didn’t. obviously i respected it but i don’t have to agree with it. still, i kept moving on and i think that’s why i started to think about gojo more bc gojo is someone who would’ve done all of those things… i wanted to make out in an empty elevator once and he pushed me off and said no and i was like “oh :(“ which is fine on his part !! he doesn’t have to do any of that stuff and it’s fine bc everyone has their reasons and boundaries. but i don’t find the fun in that. him and i had very opposite personalities and i know opposites attract but these were things that i didn’t like compromising on. i know you’re probably thinking that i fucked up and ruined my perfect picture and that’s exactly what gojo said to me when i told him about the breakup while i was sitting in his car. he told me “you had the perfect picture. the sweet boyfriend who knew how to treat you and you left him.” yeah left him bc i couldn’t stop thinking of you, you fucking idiot. i was emotionally cheating and my boyfriend was SO not deserving of that. he’s way too good of a man to have someone do that to him so i cut it off. i felt horrible but i had to do it. i didn’t deserve someone like him. he was really really sad and i felt bad bc i was so brutal over the call and yes… another dickhead move. i broke up with him over call and that was bc i wasn’t able to see him for another month cuz he was traveling. i had to be mean otherwise, i knew i would’ve caved in and just… ignored my feelings for gojo again. now if you’re wondering, did i get with gojo ? nope. did i try ? nope. ykw i did tho?… encourage him to better his relationship with the girl he likes, bc i really enjoy doing that to myself LMFAO i told him what to do on valentine’s day, i told him what to do on new years, i told him what to do for her birthday… cuz he’s a fucking idiot but he’s literally obsessed with her and i can’t help but just stay out of it even tho i like him so damn much. but he’s

also fucking stupid because why are you fucking other bitches while you like this girl ?? but she’s also confusing bc she doesn’t want a relationship while he does and when she says that she just wants to be friends, he treats her like a friend and then she gets mad that he doesn’t give her any romantic attention. i told my guy bestfriend, david, about this and even he agreed that she’s just using him for attention… and i kinda realized that a long time ago but he’s so blindly in love w her that idk what to tell him. i tried to tell him to focus on himself and get his shit together but nahhh, he told me to stfu and flicked my forehead instead. oh and then those two are just friends, he goes out and fucks other girls to curb the loneliness ig and then she gets mad at him for it… you aren’t in a relationship ??? 😀 anyway, gojo is honestly a dickhead. do i still want him ? yes. should i ? no, bc the red flags are obviously very much there and i cant help but be attracted to them and i hate it sm. fuck gojo tho.

back to my breakup, first week i was chilling. told myself i never needed him and that shit is better off this way bc he wasn’t even all that. second week, i was fine during the day but i would get lonely at night when all my friends were asleep and he would’ve stayed up to talk to me about some random video game or i’d tell him abt some interesting fic i read. this third week was hell tho… i thought abt him 24/7. i wanted to talk to him so bad . i texted him and just told him i was checking in and it was a nice conversation but it felt so plastic and i hated it. he has given away most of my stuff and i haven’t given away a single thing. also, if i’m regurgitating, it’s bc i wrote half of this rant last night while i was half asleep and now i’m writing the rest so idk what i wrote last night. moving on, he told his parents i was his girlfriend and not just a friend and that’s very awkward bc his mom actually works at my college and i’m like… yo… so i always duck whenever i see her, it’s embarrassing. now, i’m just missing him all the time. but i tell myself that i did this for a good reason and that it’s what was best for the both of us and i know what i did was the right thing but i still feel like such a horrible person… he said he’s fine now but i still feel his absence daily but then i tell myself that it’s me missing the attention, not him. i tell myself and i feel better and then i tell myself that i’m not wrong for what i did. it’s okay that our breakup had an impact bc he was someone i genuinely loved and had a relationship and it’s okay to wish things could have worked out and it’s okay to keep stepping up and doing yourself a favor. so now, i’m sitting here with uhhh no gojo and no boyfriend and ykw, it’s chill. it’s not that bad. are there momentary feelings of sadness ? ofc. but it’s fine. there’s like 15 guys in my dms rn and i have bitches !! so that’s cool but i don’t want any of them… so they’re never getting texted back ! but yeah. that was the rant. pls don’t do what i did. it’s such a mindfuck and honestly, i feel like the villain and ik i should bc what i did was super fucked up but uhm… yeah

[diary-episs]

havent written here in like foreverrrrrr, been to sjasks and bjørks birthday and just like studying. Bjørks birthday was pretty fun, liked talking with like salbo, smiggs, mathilde and bjørk! didn't get too drunk.

Sjasks birthday was a lot of fun too, we played fissehul and I got to talk with Hazel and Magnus. Sarah is kinda annoying ngl, can't really take jokes and her and Magnus' relationship is kinda obviously not gonna last. Plus Sarah is really stingy with like everything, especially her weed. She gives like extreme sheltered only child vibes. Everything has to be an exchange, like I give you this and get this. Instead of just like sharing??? Also the first time we met she misgendered me before knowing my pronouns and traumadumped on me. idk shes tolerable but I don't want to spend with her one on one.

anyway at Sjasks birthday i got really drunk and then smoked some weed with sarah (stingy lol) and then I started passing out and stuff, until I puked where I started feeling better. Hazel was really helpsome and caring, she held me up and like sat with me when I puked. I love her so so so much, she's so nice to me. She also went to get food with me afterwards and offered to pay. Birk was also really nice about it and got me water. My bed felt so nice after all that shit.

Anyway I'm studying for physics exam, probably gonna get 02 or 00 lol.

I've been with Hazel for 9 months now and we haven't had any big problems at all. like we've only had one argument and it was just based on misunderstandings.

Sjask and Nik are somehow still together, but like their relationship has so many problems. Like they're both really codependent which is probably the main thing holding them together, a lot of the time I've been with them, I've ended up having to comfort one of them bc of the other. talked with Birk about it and like they agree that they won't last. Also Aisha and August are together and like happy as far as I know, they had a few bumps in the beginning but they're good. They got together at new years, I was at Willys party instead of theirs, got high and just like sat on their couch and ate the whole time.

We also went to Galla, the warm-up was so much fun. Sjask, Nik, Birk, Amina and Jamie got locked out before I even arrived. We had a really nice time by the canals in Sydhavn. I got really drunk on the way to our school, so did sjask. The way there was really fun and then when we got there I wanted to watch Raske Penge and Klumpen so I accidentally left the others cause drunk yk? I really really felt like I knew the words to songs I definitely didn't know the words to lol. I talked a bit with Nora about their love life while really drunk. Anyway Nik got really worried and bpd about sjask because he couldn't find them and he promised to protect her. I did my best to comfort him and then when we found sjask she'd just been talking to Birk the entire time. Then me, jamie, nik, birk, Amina, and that one person whose name i still don't know left to get food and sjask didn't wanna come with us. The plans got scrambled and Sjask called Nik because she changed her mind, we then had to find a very drunk Sjask whose mood swings were off the charts, like crying and laughing back to back. She apparently wanted to find a pin she'd lost and had kinda made up that she saw it across the street and since she wasn't in any condition to cross the street i went over and checked, no pin to be found. That wasn't enough so she decided she needed to check. But like cars and she was out of it. So we hold her back, she gets triggered and hits nik, looks for the pin, no pin. She then after cooling off realizes that she has hit her boyfriend and starts becoming apologetic and crying and shit. had to comfort sjask for the entire bus ride despite the fact that nik definitely needed and deserved it more, there's been a lot of comforting those two. Especially cause they're both really mentally ill.

[aaazalea-bush]

Dec 6, 2022 i was diagnosed with t1d

i was so happy to not feel sick anymore that i honestly didn't care about having diabetes, a lifelong disease that has no current cure

it hasn't been very long yet buuuuuut im still learning. anways, heres a very "brief" diagnosis story!!!

My first symptoms started around November or late October. I was extremely thirsty all the time, i mean i was DOWNING an entire water bottle each class, and peeing very frequently. at the time i just thought it was just dry season since my skin tends to get really dry. fast forward a bit and im EXTREMELY tired. i felt like collapsing after walking across the room, and soon I had trouble even standing. i was constantly sleepy and thirsty. we went to 2 doctors, a walk-in clinic and our family doctor, who both said I was just dehydrated and low on electrolytes and told me to drink Gatorade. my dad is a pre-diabetic, so he asked the doctor if gatorade was too sugary (i had a big sweet tooth and he was just looking out for me), and yk what the doctor said. he said i was too young to worry about that, and sent us on our way. not too long after that, before i went to sleep i vomited everywhere, and i felt absolutely TERRIBLE the entire night. water made me feel sick and yet i was so so so thirsty. we went to the ER the following day, and by then even sitting was making me uncomfortable. all i wanted to do was lie down, but alas, i waited for my turn. my mouth and throat were also so dry i couldnt even talk, i tried and i could NOT. my dad tested my glucose that morning (somewhere between 28-34 mmol/L), and he told the nurse who also thought my electrolytes were just low. they weighed me and i had lost 7kg in a little longer than a week. it turned out i was in diabetic ketoacidosis. They hooked me up to a bunch of IV's and i live to tell the tale :) (i was 14 when this happened).

ive got a few more stories that ill post later

[depravity-n-savagery]

do you ever feel like billy's scenes make you happy; like maybe when he's calm, or like a bit down in the dumps? for me all of billy's scenes are intriguing, certainly but not likable in terms of how he treated max and steve... his character kind of had a fluctuation in behavior... anyways, like the ones where he's sad or he's feeling broken- bc that's his "real mask" he's a sad broken boy and idk why but seeing him at his worst- like suffering makes me sad but at the same time i feel for him like it makes me LIKE him more all those scenes where he's being tormented are hard to watch- but it makes me like him and gives me a justifiable reason to like him.. if yk what i mean. i always liked billy- not just lookswise but for how he was that sweet kid that loved surfing; and I think his dad just made him the way he is; inexcusable actions; he's not bad nor good like all of us... we all are humans we make mistakes; he didn't kill anybody (forget about him being possessed; that doesn't count). i just rlly felt for his character bc Dacre himself wanted to humanize him and make him likable after his sacrifice he said that word for word in an interview.. that he did redeem himself and his arc was made. People say he did have an arc but it wasn't fulfilled but then again it's just a matter of people's opinions. Billy also reminded me of someone i knew irl.. and they apologized to me for being a douche for no reason; they had issues; and billy did the same to max; he said sorry to her. i felt like dude was just a teenager going through hormonal/mental health issues due to neglect by his mom leaving him and being stuck with his hunk of an extremely unstable father.. sorry i made this so long

I understand what you mean. Those scenes with Billy can be hard to watch, but they're also comforting in a way because now he's relatable. You understand him and the root of his actions. Plus, it helps show that healing from trauma isn't always easy or this shiny positive upwards climb. Like Steve's arc. Sometimes it's messy, and angry, and you hurt people along the way. Be it physically or emotionally.

I think if Billy had a supportive circle, the way Steve has the party, he would've been better off. 🥺💔