#but it also just feels good to feel angry sometimes

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

idk if this is a sex ed question, or if you're the right person to ask, sorry, but do you have any reputable sources about what testosterone *actually* does?

i see people saying it limits your emotions, that it gives you breast cancer, that it makes you malnourished, its a second more dangerous puberty, etc, and I'd like to think im good at picking out lies, but there's a lot of stuff that sounds like bullshit coming from blogs i thought were trustworthy.

if not, all good, thank you in advance!

hi anon,

I'm really glad you sent this ask, because this kind of scaremongering misinformation is deeply upsetting and I'm so happy to provide a better information.

there are tons of reputable sources as to what testosterone does; some that I'll be pulling from in this answer include Cleveland Clinic, Harvard Medical School, University of California San Francisco, Mayo Clinic, the Society for Endocrinology, and Planned Parenthood.

so, what's up testosterone?

testosterone is a hormone produced in everyone's bodies, either in the testes or the ovaries depending on which set of equipment you're working with. all bodies produce both estrogen and testosterone, usually in different levels. regardless of the genitalia you were born with, how you understand your gender, or what levels of testosterone you have in your body, testosterone affects things like your sex drive, your hair growth, muscle and bone density, and the production of red blood cells.

in people born with testes, puberty usually comes with an increase in testosterone that kicks off changes such as growth of the penis and testicles, the production of sperm, an increase in hair growth all over the body, deepening of the voice, greater production of oil on the skin, and an increase in height, weight, and muscle mass.

either an overabundance or a deficit of testosterone can have health complications, just as having more or less of any hormone that a body needs can cause complications.

people who choose to transition by taking testosterone will experience many similar effects as cisgender men going through puberty, including the increase in body hair, skin oils, and muscle mass, as well as a deepening voice. while people on testosterone are unlikely to experience significant growth in terms of height unless they start hormone replacement therapy (HRT) at a fairly young age, testosterone does frequently cause a redistribution of fat on their bodies to be more similar to that of cisgender men. bottom growth, the increased size and sensitivity of the clitoris to more closely resemble a penis, is also common; the clitoris and the penis are homologous structures (they're made out of the same goo when embryos start developing genitalia), hence why they react similarly to testosterone.

to address your specific concerns:

testosterone does not limit the range of a person's emotions. while it may impact a person's mood and the severity of their feelings, the same is true of any hormone - for instance, people also report mood changes when they take antidepressants or birth control. the sometimes drastic mood fluctuations experienced during puberty are not tied to a specific hormone; this is a turbulent time regardless of what hormones your body is producing the most. testosterone is stereotyped as making people angry and violent, but all people are people regardless of their biology and are shaped by much more than the hormones in their body.

while cisgender men and trans people on testosterone can both get breast cancer, testosterone does not pose any particular risk. several of the sources linked about don't find any significant link between taking testosterone HRT and an increased risk of breast cancer, reporting that transgender individuals who take testosterone are not at any particularly higher risk of developing breast cancer than cisgender women. for more detailed information about potential health problems affiliated with taking testosterone, I recommend the "Risks" section of the linked UCSF document. yes, there are health risks affiliated with taking testosterone; this is true of literally any medication and, more importantly, is also true of just being a person with any kind of hormones in your body. cis men and women also have health conditions affiliated with being cis men and cis women, this is the price of admission for having a human body. nobody gets out unscathed.

there is no evidence that testosterone causes someone to become malnourished. people undergoing a testosterone-based puberty, whether they're cis or trans, are likely to experience a great deal of growth and bodily changes that will use a great deal of calories, which means they may be hungry and need more food than they did previously. this is a normal effect of puberty on a body, and is only a risk for malnourishment if a person isn't able to eat in sufficient amounts to keep their body properly nourished.

there is nothing about a testosterone-based puberty that is "more dangerous" than an estrogen-based puberty, which is what I assume is the point of comparison. puberty is a completely natural process that does not pose any significant dangers unless you want to be a real dipshit about it and pull some shit like "puberty is dangerous because you grow breast tissue and then you're at risk for breast cancer," in which case sure, great job, Sherlock. you solved it, puberty is cancelled forever. I cannot emphasize enough how stupid this is, conceptually; roughly half the human population goes through this kind of puberty every day and they're fucking fine. puberty by itself is not a risk factor of anything.

I don't know what particular interest the blogs you've been following have in making testosterone-based puberty sound like it's going to turn you into an emotionally stunted skeleton with breast cancer, although I fear it's transphobia hidden unsubtly behind concern trolling and disdain for cisgender men.

if you're interested in taking testosterone and are concerned about the changes you might see in your body please, for the love of god, consult with reputable health resources and a doctor rather than whatever nematode is posting about testosterone ruining your life.

[buckys-wintersoldier]

His forever and ever

// Chapter Two //

// Pairing //

-> (Ex-)Boyfriend!Mob!Bucky Barnes x (Ex-)Girlfriend!Reader

// Summary //

-> After work you hope that Bucky isn’t in the bar anymore or at least he is just there to have a drink. But what when he is just there because you are, because it’s his opportunity to talk to you and make you come back home into his mansion again?

// Wordcount //

-> 3.389 Words

// Warnings // Teen

-> angst, Bucky following you, insults, punching,

// Authors Note //

-> The biggest thank you to the amazing @bucks-babe for proofreading and coming up with more details.

// Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist //

// Series Masterlist //

<- Chapter One

John doesn’t sit down after Thor left, but he follows your gaze, seeing the man who stood in front of him just a few minutes ago and the one he guessed is your ex-boyfriend. He gasps when he realizes who the man with the long brown hair is, tattoos covering his body and a few glistening rings stick on his fingers.

He turns toward you, clearing his throat and your face immediately snaps towards him, body still slightly shaking. “Is that your ex-boyfriend? James Barnes, the mobster James Barnes?” His tone sounds cold and he tries to find something in your eyes that says no but you avoid his eyes, answering him without words.

“Oh fuck! You should have told me! Don’t you— fuck!” John swears, his hand running nervously through his hair and he shifts from one foot to the other. “It was really nice to meet you, I need to go home.”

You sigh, knowing that he doesn’t want to get in trouble with Bucky. With a soft smile you wave at him, rolling your eyes when you let your eyes wander toward the lounge where Bucky is sitting. He grins at you, and you can’t help the jump your heart is doing when he smiles at you — like he always did, especially when he was jealous. You scowl, rolling your eyes that he can’t let you move on.

When the two of you went out a while ago and one of the waiters was looking at you for a moment too long, Bucky looked at them with just one glance and they avoided you to not get into trouble with Bucky when they look at you, too scared of what the mobster would do with them. But the brown-haired man just smirked at you, his tongue wetting his lips and he told you with the way he looked at you that he will make sure you will scream his name later, letting everyone know who you belong to.

Bucky always showed you that he is the one who really loved you and that no one had the chance to get too close to you when he was around. It also had its good sides when someone drunk or flirty was too close, Bucky always took care that you didn’t feel uncomfortable. Even though when Bucky was out with you most of the people didn’t even dare to look at you, too afraid that the mobster could be mad. Sometimes it made you feel like you wasn’t worth a look, sometimes you felt lonely when only special people were allowed to look or talk to you — but when you looked at Bucky every thought was brushed away and his sweet smile and ocean blue eyes made you feel comfortable and loved, like the most adorable woman on earth and especially for Bucky.

You continue your work, every now and then you look at Bucky, seeing his eyes roam over the people in the bar and whenever you’re talking to a man and laugh his eyes darken and he turns his hands into fists. Bucky’s knuckles turn white, his jaw is clenching and you need to hide your smirk when you see him getting angry when you talk to a man.

When your shift is over you talk to one of your coworkers for a moment before you make your way to the locker rooms and get your stuff to go back home. Steve and Tony left the bar a few hours ago and Steve told you that he was going to Tony’s, you told them to have fun but not too much fun — both of them laughed that off, blushing slightly.

You hope that Bucky left the bar or at least didn’t care that your shift ended. But you should have known better, your ex-boyfriend is not just a man who works as a mechanic or lumberjack. Bucky is a mobster and he knows everything, including when you work, how long you work and what you do before and after work.

He follows you with his eyes when you walk out of the locker room, making your way through the bar and leaving. Bucky nods toward Thor, showing him that he can stay in the bar if he wants to, while Bucky gets up and makes his way slowly out of the bar as well.

The cold air is hitting your face the moment you walk outside, you inhale deeply. The fresh air causes you to sigh softly before the wind a moment later makes you shiver and you giggle softly to yourself. The streets are almost dark sans the few street lights brighten the night.

You slowly walk along the streets enjoying the silence, except for the few cars and people. You like a good walk at night, feeling like everything around you stops for a moment. After a while you walked into a dark alley, you didn’t feel scared, why should you, you had been together with the most fearful man in town. And you learned to defend yourself if needed.

Bucky smirks when he looks at you walking along the street, walking like the world is your runway, and he loves that. The way your hips swing softly and his eyes are darted to your ass, admiring it like he always does. He just can’t get enough of you, of your smell, of your taste or just of the way you talk and walk. He even loves when you’re all bossy or angry at him — or all of that — it at least showed him that you were still feeling something for him, but now you really look like you moved on, not even bothering about him anymore.

Little does he know that your mind is full with thoughts of him, that everything he reminds you of him, except the work. The bar is a place you feel like you can forget for a moment, you can flirt a bit with the men there and it’s not bad at all.

The brown-haired man follows you into the alley, he always loves those cat and mouse games you both played but right now, his adrenaline is pumping through his veins and he grins widely. The cracking noise underneath his foot causes him to stop for a moment to see if you’re going to turn around and face him.

And you do, you immediately turn around, your eyes scanning every bit of the dark to find out where the noise came from. And when you see a big shadow just a few feet away you shiver. You feel the person's eyes on you and you want to run away but you freeze, like the ground got hands, grabbed you by your ankles and holds you in place.

“Dragǎ mea,” he says, smirking when he walks into the light of the lamp of the house next to you. You shiver, the urge to run is strong but you’re frozen and since it’s just you and Bucky it feels so familiar like it did when the two of you were together. “My pretty doll, thought you could run away from your mobster?”

You shake your head, paralyzed when you look into his beautiful blue eyes. He is so close and still a few feet away, he has dark shadows under his eyes but they still brighten as much as they used to do and his smirk is just as pretty as it always was. Bucky chuckles, taking a step closer until he reaches you, grasping your arm and pulling you close against him.

“I’ve missed you, you know that? How about you come home with me now and we forget that shit, I will claim you and we are good?” He mumbles, suddenly his face is just a few inches away from yours. His hot breath hits your lips and you gasp quietly, lips slightly parted when you inhale deeply.

You’re surrounded by his cologne and Bucky’s smell. The sweet vanilla mixed with the fresh mint, causing your mind to go dizzy. His hands are so soft and warm, holding you by your arms, his thumbs slowly moving up and down the back of your hands.

“Bucky, let go of me. We broke up and we both moved on,” you say, looking away to not get lost in his beautiful ocean blue eyes. He chuckles darkly, his flesh hand grasping your chin, turning your head so you have to face him. His eyes are piercing into yours and you want to sigh softly, just give in to him and tell him that you’re sorry but you can’t.

He messed up, not only once. You can’t forgive him that easily and a part of you screams to not do it at all. Even though he is the love of your life, even though he is the man who causes you to laugh and makes you happy. But he didn’t only do that, he also hurt you a whole lot.

“Moved on? Working in a bar, dating that Steve guy and living with your best friend? That’s what you call moving on?” Bucky asks, chuckling when his thumb slides over your lips. He sees the shifting in your eyes, in your tension — the want to give in to him but not wanting it at the same time. He knows you so damn well, he knows your body language, everything that your eyes show, no matter what words slip past your pretty lips.

“I moved on and I’m not datingSteve! You know he is my best friend and he is gay!” You say, looking confused about which guy Bucky is talking.

You haven’t dated a guy after Bucky, not even a one-night stand or whatever. You sometimes flirt with some guys in the bar but your heart belongs to the brown-haired mobster in front of you.

“The guy you date, my men told me about him, brown-haired,” Bucky mumbles, holding your face still in place while he slowly pushes his digit between your lips, groaning quietly. You look adorable with his finger in your mouth and he can’t just help but wants you to suck at it, he wants to feel your warm, wet mouth around his fingers.

Bucky hasn’t felt that in a while and he hasn’t had another pussy or girl since that, he wants you and he doesn’t even think about fucking another girl. Even though you broke up, it feels wrong to just think about dating someone else, or fuck someone who isn’t his pretty doll. You bite his finger, not much but enough for him to notice that you don’t want to have his thumb between your lips right now.

“It’s none of your business but to make your jealous ass feel better: I haven’t dated another guy! I moved to Steve and Steve is gay. I don’t know what your men told you but it’s not true,” you admit, seeing the grin on his lips growing. “But we still moved on, and everything we had is over.”

“Do you think that someone with such dark shadows under his eyes, who was looking for his girl, moved on? Oh dragǎ mea, I didn’t move on, and you will come home with me now,” Bucky chuckles, bringing his face closer to you. His lips are almost brushing against yours. You close your eyes, sighing softly before your eyes shoot open.

You turn your head, his hand letting go of your chin, then you bring your hands to his chest pushing him away. Bucky laughs softly, he has seen the way you closed your eyes, had heard your soft sigh when you were about to give in to him, to let him kiss you.

“Fuck you. Why can’t you just piss off and leave me alone, Bucky?” You ask through gritted teeth and cause Bucky to chuckle even more. He loves when you’re angry, especially when he can make you beg in bed later and when you apologize for your attitude.

You take a few steps back, he lets go of you completely but his eyes now roam over your body. He smirks when he sees the way you shift slightly from one foot to the other, when others do that because they are scared you do it when you want to ask something then. “What is it, doll? What do you want to ask me?”

“Why did you follow me?” The words come over your lips before you have thought about it. The question was sitting in your mind since you two started to talk but you didn’t get yourself to ask him why he really follows you.

“Because I love you, and I want you to come back home with me now. We can do it one way or the other. What do you prefer, dragǎ mea, nice or hard way?” You roll your eyes, he tires it again, tries to make you do what he wants even though he has to be a manipulative ass.

He doesn’t even recognize it, too deep in his thoughts, in his need to claim you, to make you his again. Bucky can’t be without you, every day feels like his soul is ripped out of his body and cut into little pieces. He wouldn’t admit it but he now understands what pain he caused, how much he hurt you and broke your heart — but that means he can make it up to you, show you that he really loves you.

“You haven’t had time when we were together, you never had time for me. You promised to go out with me but you always needed to work then. Why can’t you continue with that?” You ask, your voice shaking and Bucky flinches when he hears it. He knows he hurt you but hearing your shaking voice and seeing into your teary eyes shows him that all once again.

“I’m sorry, doll. I know I messed up but let me make it up to you. I promise I will be better this time, will show you my love,” he whispers, taking a step closer but you immediately take a step backwards. You feel the tears slowly falling down your cheeks, immediately wiping them away to not show them to him. He sees them though, even if you wouldn’t cry he would still know how much he was hurting you, but he can’t just let you go and let you move on without him, maybe even with another man.

“Bucky, you promised me so often. Please just try and move on,” you mumble. Your heart says ‘no, just kiss him and forgive him’ but you can’t just do that. Not even when your heart is bleeding, your soul is broken and Bucky is the only one who could fix that.

He doesn’t look away for a second, his eyes piercing in yours and you can see the wave of pain rushing through them. Bucky walked into the bar, knowing he would talk to you and get you back, but it is easier in his mind as you make it for him.

“I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry, I really am. But I can’t move on without you. You’re everything I need, how—“ he pauses, inhaling deeply. “How can I be without you, when you belong to me, when my heart, my soul, everything of me screams for you — to be close to you.”

You shake your head, you feel sorry — sorry that he feels that way but you’re also sorry for yourself. You didn’t want to have those feelings come up again, trying to avoid them but here they are. Your ex-boyfriend standing in front of you, and all those feelings you have for him filling your body, making your heart race.

“I’m sorry, but it’s over. You say you can’t move on without me, but you made me move on without you. You had your chance and you wasted it for what? Your work?” you say, looking down, wanting to turn around but he grasps your arm, pushing you backwards until you’re pressed against a wall. His body is so close to you, you can feel his warmth and his strong, tensed body pressing against you.

“It’s not! You can’t be without me, you will come back to me. Do you think another man can give you the pleasure I give you? No one will love you the way I do, you belong to me and you should remember that,” he says in an aggressive and cold tone. His anger boiling inside of him, he loves you, why don’t you understand that? Why don’t you get that he is sorry and will be better, that you belong to him and that Bucky owns you, that he needs you as much as you need him?

You place your hands on his broad chest, feeling his racing heart. His grip on your hips tightens and he presses you more against the wall, smirking at you. His eyes are dark and his smile isn’t the sweet and lovely one you love so much, it’s the mobster dark one. Bucky’s smirk which he uses when he is working, trying to get information out of people or what else he is doing but definitely not a lovely and warm one.

Your body trembles, a cold shiver running along your spine. With your hands you try to push him away, only causing him to tighten his grip and press himself more against you. “You belong to me, you’re not going to date another guy. You're doing as you’re told and be a good girl for me now, dragǎ mea.”

His thumbs stroking your skin through the fabric of your clothes but it doesn’t calm you down, not when you look into his dark, cold eyes and hear his even colder voice. Bucky doesn’t accept a ‘no’ when he is angry so you need to find a way to make your way to the cold surface of the mobster, you need to reach the soft and loving man you feel in love with.

“Bucky you were hurting me, you ignored my needs. You didn’t want my love, and now I moved on. Don’t you want me to be happy?” You ask, even though you know it’s not that easy to be happy without Bucky. He shakes his head, his gaze softens but then immediately it's dark again. His jaw clenches and every thought of another man being by your side causes him to become angrier.

“You think you can be happy with another man?” He laughs, darkly and rough. Bucky's grip tightens even more and it’s almost painful, his fingers digging into your flesh. “Guess I need to remind you who you belong to, doll.”

Bucky’s tongue glides over his lips, leaving them wet and glistening. He leans closer, his face only inches away from yours. Your mind goes black and before you can think even more you push him away. The soft way doesn’t work, Bucky doesn’t listen and he scares you — but not only that, you know you would give in to him would his lips brush over yours or your skin.

He chuckles when he takes a step back, he knows that you’re strong but he didn’t think you would push him away with such force. “Love when you’re mad at me, you look so cute, dragǎ mea.”

You roll your eyes, when he tries to grasp your hips once again you lift your leg, kicking upwards and hitting him perfectly. Bucky groans, his hands snap to his cock, pressing softly on it to get rid of the pain in his balls. The moment he stumbles back you run, thinking about something you could hide or just run back home where you would be way more safe as somewhere hidden.

“You fucking bitch! I love you and you treat me like that? Don’t you dare to run away, I will find you!” Bucky shouts, his balls hurt and he needs a moment to be able to move. His legs are shaking and he only sees you running around a corner, knowing that he won’t catch you now. So he makes his way slowly back to the bar, he will find you, and you will be with him, love him like he loves you.

Chapter Three ->

-> Asks, ideas, small Drabble ideas are appreciated! So feel free to reach out in case you have ideas or questions.

// Taglist //

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[sexy-monster-fucker]

Casual

Baby Billy Freeman x Reader

Summary: Reader has been a close friend of the Freeman Family her whole life. She and Baby Billy have to hide their intimacies out of fear of Aimee-Leigh getting angry. Running around in secret can only last so long after all.

cw: oral f!receiving, fingering, angst

a/n: Reader and Baby Billy are in their mid to late twenties(?), this is prior to Eli and Aimee-Leigh getting married. Also omg a smut piece with a plot? We love it.

~~~

Heads bowed as Eli Gemstone prayed over the food you were about to eat.

You sat at the Freeman’s family table after Church on Sunday, like you had been doing for years now. Beside your lifelong best friend, Aimee-Leigh. You had grownup alongside her and her family.

“Amen!” Everyone proclaimed in unison.

You sat between Aimee-Leigh and her brother, Baby Billy. The round table giving everyone view of each other. You all made your plates, passing around the giant bowls of food. You passed it along to Baby Billy. He made sure his fingers touched and lingered on yours as you handed it to him. “Thank you, sweetheart,” he winked at you.

You and Baby Billy had had a secret fling going on for years. Sneaking off at almost every family function to see each other. Kissing behind bushes, down on your knees behind trees deep in the woods, sometimes just hiding somewhere so you could sit and talk without the fear of people talking. Or the fear of Aimee-Leigh hating you both. You both decided it never had to be anything serious.

You squinted your eyes at him, smirking in response.

“So, Baby Billy, you think you’re ever gonna find yourself a lady to settle down with?” Eli asked, pulling Baby Billy’s attention off you. His mouth hung open slightly, “Uh— n-nope. Not yet anyway, Eli. I’ve got time before I have to— um— find anyone.”

“You aren’t getting any younger, son,” his father chimed in, not looking up from his plate.

“Well now that dear ole Aimee-Leigh has found the one, it’s about time for you too. I mean, what about Y/N? Y’all have known each other since diapers!” His mother agged him along. He choked on the bite of food he was taking. Hand jumping up to cover his mouth and cheeks that were growing red. You both grew extremely embarrassed and quick. Mouthfuls of “um”s and “well”s falling from you both as you awkwardly looked at each other.

“Mama, don’t say things like that,” Aimee Leigh glared at their mom slightly.

“I’m just saying what we’re all thinking,” their mother threw her arms up, giggling slightly.

“Ooo what about that one Baker girl from Sunday school? She was talking about you the other day, Baby Billy!” his sister teased. Your face flooded with jealousy. Choking on your water slightly.

“Woah, Y/N. You alright?” Aimee-Leigh asked, passing a napkin to you. Water dripped down your face and chest.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” You excused yourself from the table, heading to the bathroom down the hall. You stood alone in the small bathroom, lower back pressed against the cold countertop of the sink. Two shadows of shoes was your cue to quietly open the door. Deep hazel eyes stared at you, white teeth forming a silent grin. Turning the handle to discretely close the door behind him.

“Hi, Baby,” you breathlessly whispered, a smile all over your face. Rough hands cubbed both sides of your face, lips crashing into yours. Tongue darting into your mouth, exploring the familiar taste.

“Hi, darlin’,” Baby Billy rested his forehead against yours, smile matching yours. His hands ghosted up your sides, feeling every inch of you. His lips pressed into your neck. A small moan fell from you. His pelvis pinned yours against the cabinet under the sink.

“You performed really good today, Baby,” you complimented him. Your hand dancing on his back.

“Thank you, babydoll,” he kissed up your neck resting his lips on your jaw. He bunched some of your dress in his hand, “You wore the dress I love, I had to put on the best performance for you.”

After the first time you all had found yourself snuck away from his family, things escalated. You were both young and had been dancing around each other your whole lives. When Aimee-Leigh’s Birthday Party rolled around, somehow you both ended up sneaking into your special hiding spot in the woods around the lake. Sitting together on the small overhang of land that oversaw the beautiful, moonlit water. You would come here often to think.

“You know Aimee-Leigh will kill me if she finds out we did this,” Baby Billy caressed your face, a tender kiss being planted on your lips.

“She’d kill me too, Baby,” you laughed quietly. He joined you laughing. He wrapped his arm around you, your head falling onto his shoulder. Hands gripped you tightly against his side.

“This isn’t… like we aren’t gonna…” he sighed, his words fighting him.

You felt your heart shatter in your chest, stomach doing a flip. Your eyebrows furrowed, unable to hide your thoughts. You leaned up to look him in the eyes.

Baby Billy stared into your eyes, all words completely leaving him. His mouth ran dry. Silence as you both stared back and forth. No words being spoken, but you both understood.

“I— We… can’t do this… to Aimee-Leigh,” Baby Billy softly spoke. You fought the tears forming in yours eyes. Planting a false closed mouth smile on your face. “I want to,” Billy’s eyes darted between yours and your lips, “I’ve wanted you for a long time, Y/N. But…”

“We can just keep it like this, Baby,” you looked forward at the water. Fireflies danced in front of you.

Baby Billy’s gaze stayed on you. If this was the only way he could have you, this would be good enough.

It had to be.

You giggled as he pecked kissed down to your collar bone. He took a deep breath against your skin, “And you wore the perfume I like? Shit, you’ve been thinking of me.”

Baby Billy placed his lips back to yours. Tongues exploring each other’s mouths. Your hands ghosted up his chest, wrapping around his neck. He ran his hands behind your thighs, urging you to get hop up onto the countertop. “Lemme get a better look atcha,” Baby Billy smacked the back of your thighs.

You propped yourself on the countertop, spreading your legs and allowing him access to stand between them. He ran his hands up your legs, checking your body out completely. Your skin tingled at his touch. His body was flush against yours. “Goddamn, I can feel how warm you are,” Baby Billy smiled at you, breath hitching in his throat.

His hands began pulling your dress up to reveal your panties. Stained with the arousal pooling inside you. Bright white teeth curved into a smirk. “You sure are pretty,” Baby Billy complimented staring down at your clothed core. Heat decorated your face.

Baby Billy kneeled down in front of you, hands guiding you to spread wider for him. He shoved your cotton panties to the side revealing your aching entrance. His head tilted for a moment, taking in the full view. Eyes shot up at you before softly pressing a finger to your nub. Your knees locked with the sensation, hand going to cup your mouth to hide the loud moan begging to escape.

“You did such a good job last time on getting Baby Billy off, I think it’s time I repay you for it,” his hot breath felt cold against your core. He plunged a finger into you, curling and pumping it. Your chest heaved with every deep breath you took. Squeaks of pleasure pouring through your fingers.

“As much as I wanna hear your pretty voice, I need you to keep quiet, sweetheart. Let Baby Billy take care of you,” he pulled his finger, replacing it with his mouth. You practically melted when you felt his tongue working magic on your sensitivity. Lust blown eyes stared up at you, his mouth sucking on you. Your breath was shaky as he stared you in the eyes. You rested your head against the wall behind the sink. Enjoying the ecstasy he was giving you.

The coil inside you was winding up with each lap of his tongue. He knew just how to get you there. You rolled your hips against his mouth, getting a grin from him. “Tsk, tsk, tsk, you sure are being greedy,” Baby Billy teased you. He stood up, lips finding their place against yours. Your taste strong on him. His fingers found their way inside you again, thumb rubbing circles on your clit. You could feel your body shaking as your orgasm attempted to wash over you.

Your walls began fluttering around him slowly before your orgasm fully took over. You moaned his name into his mouth, Baby Billy deepening the kiss and curling his fingers. Loving the way you constricted around them. “That’s it. That’s Baby Billy’s girl,” he cooed.

“Fuck, Baby,” you huffed out trying to catch your breath.

“You sure do have a dirty mouth, girly,” he smiled.

“Seems to me like you’re the one with a dirty mouth this time,” you teased. He laughed quietly, trying to hide the volume in the room. He planted tender kisses all over your face. You giggled at his soft lips.

Arms found their way back around his neck, your foreheads resting together as you savored the moment. You kissed the tip of Baby Billy’s nose, pulling a happy chuckle from him. He wrapped his arms around your back, pulling you flush against him. His face found its place in your neck, eyes squinting shut as he took in your touch and smell.

The moment passed and Baby Billy helped you off the counter. Fixing your hair and dress for you, making sure you looked the same as before. “There you go, darlin’. Looking as beautiful as ever,” he smiled admiring you standing before him. “Well, better get back before they think something’s goin’ on,” he awkwardly laughed as he attempted to leave.

Hand grabbed the doorknob.

“Baby…” you stopped him. His eyes widened at you, concern written on him, “What is it, sweetheart?”

You swallowed the lump of anxiety in your throat. Your body begging you not to do what you were about to do.

“Do you ever think we… we don’t have to hide, whatever this is anymore?” Your eyes stared into his.

“I— I-I don’t… don’t understand,” he stammered. This had worked for y’all for years now.

“Just…” your eyes fell down to the floor, “We’ve been doing this for so long. Are you really still scared about Aimee-Leigh… being mad at us?”

“I-uh- I don’t—“

“Or is that just your excuse so you don’t ever have to commit to me?” You crossed your arms over your chest, holding yourself. Fighting tears that wanted so badly to fall.

“Sweetheart,” Baby Billy took one of your hands in his, “You know… Aimee-Leigh would… you’re her best friend and-and— of course I want you to…” His mind was racing a million thoughts a second. Sweat beamed down his head.

He wanted to be with you. Wanted to call you his in front of everyone. He was so scared of his sister. So scared that she may abandon him over it all. She may leave their singing act. Just run off with Eli and never speak to him again. Somehow he would be in the wrong for being with the one he loves. And he did.

You placed a hand on his chest. His mind instantly calmed down. Body melting at your touch slightly. Desperate eyes looked into yours for an answer.

“It’s okay, Baby Billy. I know your family is the most important thing,” you fought your natural urge to frown.

“Y/N, please—“

“I’ll be alright,” you hushed him. Tears beginning to prick the corners of your eyes. You forced a smile that you know he knew was fake, “Just go-on back out there with them. Sounded like Aimee-Leigh’s already got someone picked out for you anyway.”

Baby Billy’s brows furrowed heavily. His jaw hanging open. You wanted to beg him to stay. Beg him to wrap you up in his arms and stay here with you for the rest of the day. Small kisses and longing looks being shared. But that wasn’t what needed to be.

You reached around behind him, quietly opening the door for him to exit. Your eyes told him to go. He hurriedly walked out, too embarrassed to look back at you. He stormed off down the hall opposite direction of the family dining area.

You closed the door, leaning against the back of it. It all washed over you. Tears burned down your cheeks. Hand cupping your mouth as to not cry too loud. This was how it has to be. And you had to be okay with it.

You composed yourself and exited the bathroom. Joining everyone back at the table, noting that Baby Billy was missing.

“Where’d he go?” You questioned Aimee-Leigh.

“Dunno. Boy stomped down the hallway. Probably went up to his room,” his father answered.

“Oh,” you responded trying to seem nonchalant.

The sun went down and the cool southern air washed over the land outside. A small fog painted over the lake. You sat outside with Aimee-Leigh and Eli around the fire pit. Wrapped up in the blanket Mrs. Freeman had made you for Christmas a few years back. The couple whispered back and forth silently. Eli’s eyes darted over to you as he nudged Aimee-Leigh.

“Y/N? Is everything okay?” Aimee-Leigh asked you shyly.

You sat up slightly, fixing your posture. “Why, yeah,” you lied, attempting to laugh off her question.

“Ever since you came back from the bathroom earlier you’ve just seemed… off. Did something happen that you didn’t tell me about? You’re my best friend, I want you to be able to talk to me, Y/N,” Aimee-Leigh furrowed her expression as you spoke to you.

“I’m fine, Aimee-Leigh. Sometimes you just have one of those days, y’know?”

The front door creaked open. Baby Billy walked out carrying a fold out chair. Planting it directly beside you. Your attention was now on him. He sat, scooting the chair as closely as he could to yours. He reached under your blanket, taking your hand in his. Fingers intertwining on top of the blanket.

“You don’t have to do this,” you attempted to whisper to him.

Aimee-Leigh and Eli looked at each other, a small bit of confusion on their expressions.

“Aimee-Leigh,” Baby Billy cleared his throat, “I’ve been keeping a secret from you. A secret that has done nothing but hurt the girl I care about most.”

Heat radiated off your body with his words.

“Y/N and I have been seeing each other for a long, long time. I’ve been too afraid to tell you, but I can’t keep hiding this beautiful woman from the world anymore. She’s my girl, and I’m sorry if that upsets you, but—“

“OH MY GOODNESS! I cannot believe you both didn’t tell me!” Aimee-Leigh rushed over to you, pulling you into a hug, then giving Baby Billy the same treatment. You both stared at each other, extremely confused by Aimee-Leigh’s reaction.

“Praise be to God! I prayed and I prayed and I PRAYED that you both would find each other. I knew you and Baby would be perfect for each other,” Aimee-Leigh jumped up and down with joy.

You shook your head in disbelief, slack-jawed completely. You looked at Baby Billy, a giant smile painted his face. Hazel eyes caught yours. He sighed deeply. Complete relief falling off his shoulders.

“We thought you’d be so angry at us,” Baby Billy chuckled in disbelief.

“Angry? Why would I be angry? I’ve always wanted to call you my sister, Y/N,” Aimee-Leigh pulled Eli into a hug. “You were right, Eli. He said he could see the spark between you’ns!”

You all laughed together.

Baby Billy wrapped his arm around you, tucking himself under the blanket with you. You rested your head on his shoulder, your hand against his chest. You watched the embers float into the sky off the fire.

Baby Billy placed a small kiss on your head.

This was where you wanted to be.

~~~

~ Thank you for reading! The Righteous Gemstones has genuinely became one of my favorite shows. I have another Baby Billy fanfic planned, so if you are interested in being tagged in any of my future works or have requests let me know! ~

[tags]

@megangovier ~ @its-in-the-woods ~ @justme12200 ~ @heif ~ @itsyellow ~ @cat-shepard ~ @dichromaniac ~ @hiddlebatchedloki ~

[rosesdrop]

Pick a pile

Which Disney Princess are you?

Pile 1:

Rapunzel, you must have really pretty hair; it's very noticeably beautiful and outstanding for anyone who sees you. You may have your head in the clouds, usually busy dreaming and fantasising about the next adventure to take. You dream big. And most of your dreams revolve around going on a trip somewhere, to a different land, or generally just taking a step into the unknown and never coming back. You are flighty in that way; no one can pin you down or decide your future for you; you leave it to your expansive and ever-growing imagination. Aside from that, I'm also noticing here your childlike soul and appearance; you like to have fun even if it's just by yourself; your peers recognise that in you and enjoy spending happy times with you; you have a sunny aura; and the sun may be highly significant for you. You also may have authoritative figures around you that try to dim your light or take that childlessness away from you, and you are in a constant fight with those that try to limit you. I'm also getting that you have a small circle of friends or people that you surround yourself with. 

Pile 2:

Alice is your Disney character (even though she wasn't a princess but is still a Disney main character after all). You are so connected to another parallel version of yourself; you like to create different realities and experience multiple stances in them; you have an eccentric style, generally known to be different, maybe odd for some people but really challenging to understand; your style is very outstanding and reflects your rich inner world, a world rich in fantasies and colors; you always felt different from your peers but more connected than ever to a world so far from our mundane lives; that's where you found home. You are probably an animal lover, but you are more inclined to be interested in exotic species or animals that are not very popular and loved among people. Others may sometimes perceive you as deceitful, quick to change, or unstable in your decisions because of this abnormality that you represent in their eyes, but it's just because it's hard for them to understand how your mind works.

Pile 3:

Merida from brave is your princess; you are stubborn from the view of others but stable and know what you want in your view; you voice your needs and you like for your voice to be heard; you may believe in the supernatural and believe that the universe works for your favour and that whatever you wish, if you concentrate on it, you can bring it into reality; you have a strong will. You don't like to be caged or controlled by others, and that sometimes infuriates you. You like to get against the stream. You work hard and prefer to be independent in your work. You like it to be something that you made with your effort and time. You have very strong features, but they're not very sharp. There's a sense of stillness and stability in your gaze, even if it's penetrating. You may enjoy or prefer medieval clothing because it makes you feel secure in yourself, and, down to earth, you get angry and competitive easily because you are in constant contact with those who try to dictate their beliefs to you. 

Pile 4:

Belle is your princess; you may have an infatuation with roses; you like to surround yourself with a pretty aesthetic that is appreciated by everyone; you are a calm person in the face of adversity; people may be in a constant debate about their needs while you are just chilling and enjoying your time. You slightly have your head in the clouds, but that doesn't distort your perception. You are a problem solver, and you take your time in making your judgements about things. People admire you for that and feel like they can't compare. You have a certain pride about yourself that makes you sure about yourself without having to brag; you are silently succeeding. You're also protected by your guides, spirits, or good entities that can see your purity clearly and help you through adversity. You always prioritise yourself and have a strong sense of self-worth. 

[spookwyrdie]

Sweet Spot {part 3}

{part 1}{part 2}{part 3}{part 4}{part 5}{part 6}

Baker Felix x Florist reader

summary: Before the ceremony, you unfortunately have to face your ex. Though with Felix there to back you up when Johnny starts being rude, there's a tension you haven't felt before. How will you survive watching your ex get married? // genre: fluff, angst, eventual smut // word count: 3.6k // warnings: adult dialogue, sexual themes //a/n: if you're not on the taglist and would like to be, please reply to this post or send me an ask!🥰

(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

I have only posted this here and on AO3 - user: spookwyrdie

Before doing anything else, you need to go take a very cold shower. For one, you need to scrub off all the plant matter currently staining your hands. Secondly, you need to douse this awful combination of anxiety and lust that’s been building up throughout the week. The idea of Johnny walking down the aisle has been simmering away in the back of your mind and the confusing fresh wave of desire for Felix has not been helping. When you try to untangle the thoughts from one another, it feels like trying to diffuse a bomb, not knowing which wire to cut. 

There’s a part of you that feels bitter about Johnny, you two were together for so long, and he’s climbing that ladder of life faster than you. All the bragging that he’s done has seeped into you. In your more insecure moments, you think yourself jealous of him. It drives you mad, knowing how dead your relationship was by the time you pruned it, but all that time and effort lost on some mediocre shithead from your college years makes you feel like you’ve wasted your prime years. Johnny has an uncanny ability to suss out the parts of yourself that you’re least confident about and boast about his success in those areas. 

When your floral business was just starting out, he made sure you knew how well he was doing with money. When he met Jenny, he paraded her around online and at social functions, telling anyone within earshot how he’s never loved anyone the way he loves her. He liked to go on and on about how he knew the very first time meeting her, he was going to marry her. They were just so compatible - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Every time you are hanging out at some brewery with your old friends and Johnny starts up, it takes all your effort not to scoff into your beer and roll your eyes. It’s not jealousy that you feel though, you just wish he would shut the fuck up about it sometimes. 

When he had approached you to do the flowers for the wedding, he seemed surprised when you accepted.

“I promise, I’d love to do the florals for you and Jenny,” you said.

“Are you sure?” Johnny said, eyes full of pity. “Is the business doing okay? It’s totally fine if you don’t want to take on a project this big.”

“Business is booming, Johnny,” you gritted out. “I’ll even give you a nice discount, since we’re friends and all.”

“Okay, great!” he said. “Be prepared for Jenny though. She’s terrible at making decisions without my help.”

“I’ve worked with a lot of brides before, I know I can handle any changes she needs to make,” you reply coolly.

“Good to know,” he said. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

You remember this exchange like it was yesterday. The way you had little half moons embedded in your palms from clenching your fists so hard comes to the forefront of the memory. There was something about how Johnny knew exactly what to say to get under your skin still made you angry.

Thinking back about this exchange while you soap up your body under the cold water of the shower, a little seed of conspiracy plants itself in your mind. Did Johnny encourage the massive switch up of aesthetics at the last minute? Jenny seemed so eager about the previous plan of  classic, timeless flowers that the switch to bohemian felt really out of left field, especially so close to the wedding date. It was also a little rash and stupid of you to offer him such a huge discount. Minho and Chan were right, you had to make sure all your extra work was paid for properly. 

The Felix problem was an entirely different can of worms. This crush you’ve been nursing for years now had fuel added to the fire, all because of a silly dream you had. Granted, it was an incredibly hot dream, you feel goosebumps raise on your skin, and not just from the frigid temperature of your shower. If anything, the icy water was keeping you grounded, not getting swept away by your desire again. 

Were you ovulating or something? Why was this hitting you so hard, especially now? Nothing had changed between you and Felix, you just seemed to notice more. He’s been extraordinarily kind, really going out of his way to take care of you. It helps, since both of you work within the wedding industry, to have someone to confide in so closely. The last few months, you’ve seen him more often than not, like an extremely reliable dinner buddy. You realize Felix is a huge reason you haven’t felt as lonely in the past year. 

His offer to be your plus one had you reeling. As you step out of the shower, you remember how he urged you to call him your boyfriend while you were here. 

“It feels real when you can attach a label to it like that,” he had said. He was right. You knew, beyond a doubt, that your ex would take what you said more seriously if you had “evidence” that you were doing well. It was petty, immature, and not something you should entertain. . .  but you wanted to feel an ounce of victory against your ex. You were going to that wedding to show up and show off. It didn’t hurt that you also secretly craved to indulge the fantasy of being with Felix like that, even if just for a night.

Toweling off your body, the dream-hazed feeling of his hands on your hips rocket through you again. It’s not that Felix wasn’t touchy, he was one of your more physically affectionate friends. But that was just the way he acted with everyone, always hugging, touching, soothing, you internally scolded yourself for getting swept away by his antics. There was something about Dream Felix’s hands that felt burned into your skin. Rubbing your face, you try and shake the image - you have shit to do, there’s a wedding you need to get ready for.

You pull your dress out of the garment bag, a pastel pink, slinky number, ruched in just the right way to accentuate the curve of your hips. The length is just modest enough to pass for a wedding, but stops right above your knee. You have your favorite pair of strappy, white fuck-me heels to go along with it. You make sure your lips look plumped, your eyes look sharp and bedroom-y, and your hair looks fashionably mussed and loosely pinned back. The goal is to look like you didn’t put in too much effort while still standing out from the crowd. 

You’re futzing with an earring clasp when you hear a knock at the door. Felix stands in the doorway when you answer, whatever greeting he was about to say dying on his lips when he sees you. His jaw slackens as he stares, drinking you in. You’re in a similar position, enthralled by his appearance. His hair is half swept back, tendrils of his cool toned blonde trailing resting against his shoulders. His suit jacket is a pale blue offset by his light beige dress pants. His attention to detail is insane with his white shirt with small detailed flowers embroidered into it and a silver blue embroidered tie to match. The undertones of the suit complement his honey tanned skin so well. His freckles nearly glitter on his face. He looks good, as if he just walked off the runway. You’re not sure how much time passes as the two of you gawk at the other, before you shake yourself out of it.

“Lix! Come on in!” you nearly shout, unable to control the volume of your voice.

“Wow, Y/n…” he murmurs as he steps inside the hotel room. “You look…”

“It’s a bit much, I know,” you interrupt him. You don’t think you can handle whatever he was about to say, good or bad. “But I wanted to show off a little at the wedding.”

“That won’t be an issue at all, I promise,” he says as his gaze traces your form again. His eyes darken for a moment, lost in some sort of intense thought, before he snaps out of it. Looking up at you with a bright smile on his face, he does a little spin to show off his outfit. “Told you I clean up real good, didn’t I?”

“Understatement of the century,” you mutter, your skin flushing. You can’t help but trail your eyes up from his shoes to his face. “Oh! I have something for you!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!” you walk over to the small fridge in your shared room. Inside is a plastic takeout container, slight condensation covering the inside. “Well, technically I have something for both of us.”

You pop open the container to reveal a corsage and a boutonniere, a combination of lilac, lavender and mint. Picking up the boutonniere, you beckon Felix over. “This goes on your suit and I have one that matches.”

“Ooh, matchy matchy!” he lilts.

You playfully smack his shoulder and laugh. “Yes, matchy matchy.” 

He stands close to you, the toes of your shoes nearly touching, as you pin the flowers on to his lapel. You smooth your hand over the fabric of his jacket before looking up at him. He’s got that same adoring look in his eyes as he looks down at you. You feel yourself flush again, that cold shower’s calming effect has fully worn off now that you’re back in the warm glowing spotlight Felix seems to put on you. Bashfully, you look away and your eyes catch the clock on the bedside table.

“Oh! I need to get down to the dressing rooms with the wedding party’s flowers!”

You’re already power walking out of your room when you hear Felix trail behind you, “I’ll come help.”

You sneak into the bridal dressing room with a few boxes while the girls are still in pre-wedding prep. There’s a lot of movement all orbiting Jenny. When she sees you, she smiles and beckons you over. Felix hangs back, hovering by the entrance, not wanting to disturb the tittering over the bouquets. 

The bridesmaids love the flowers, each getting their own mini version of Jenny’s big bouquet, slightly unique in arrangement and color. You also reveal the corsages that they’ll be able to wear at the reception, also matching the bohemian theme. The din of chatter rises again in the room. Jenny sees Felix at the door and waves, smiling at him like they were old friends. She catches your eye and winks.

The bridal drop off was simple. The groomsmen drop off fills you with dread. While walking the boxes of boutonnieres over to the men’s dressing room, you feel your stomach do a few flips. Felix gives you a reassuring smile and waits in the doorway yet again. As you enter, you hear the cheerful, familiar voices of Peter and Bobby calling you over.

“Y/n! We wondered where you were,” Bobby says.

“Yeah, holy shit,” Peter says. “It’s been ages. I’ve never seen you grace our presence in anything but sneakers!”

“Hey guys,” you grin at the boys. These two chucklefucks have been your friends since the first week of college when you found yourself in an ice breaker circle during orientation. They were the two who introduced you to Johnny incidentally during a chaotic game of Edward 40-hands. Johnny had helped you drag them back to their dorm when they were three sheets to the wind. “Lovely to see you two looking like you’ve showered for once.”

“Hey now, don’t go complimenting us too hard,” Peter smiles with a big wide gummy smile. “Whatcha got there?”

At that moment, Johnny appears, giving you a flat mouthed smile. He looks slicked back and shiny, his cheeks a little too pink to seem suave. He looks a little wary seeing you all dressed up. With your heels on, you are at eye level with him and you know that he isn’t a fan of that.

“I came to pin on your flowers so you all match for the ceremony.”

You start pinning on the little bundles of flowers one by one. Johnny is last in the rotation, his boutonniere a little more complex than the groomsmen. You both stand in awkward silence for a moment, safety pin stuck between your teeth, as you maneuver the wrapping of his flowers.

“So…who’s the blonde?”

“Hmm?”

“Who’s the blonde dude hovering at the door?”

You turn your head, and make direct eye contact with Felix. He’s got a cool smile plastered on his face that doesn’t quite meet his eyes. The way the afternoon sun is hitting him makes him radiate though. Somehow he seems to bring his own sparkle with him everywhere he goes, like he can’t help but capture the attention of everyone surrounding him. You watch as he presses his tongue against the side of cheek as he looks at the two of you across the room.

“That’s Felix. He’s my…boyfriend,” the word feels strange in your mouth.

You see the muscle in Johnny’s jaw twitch as he mulls that over. “I thought you were bringing your sister.”

“Nope, you just assumed I was bringing her,” you say, your voice clipped. “Remember? You thought I was having trouble in the ‘dating department’?”

“How long have you been seeing each other?”

“A few months now.”

“Hmm,” he grunts out, eyes still on Felix. “Isn’t he kind of… too pretty for you?”

“Excuse me?” you ask, raising an eyebrow. 

“I mean, isn’t he a little…” Johnny raises his hand to make a limp wrist gesture.

“I don’t like what you’re implying, Johnny.”

“Oh, don’t get all offended on me. You know what I mean! He looks like a fairy,” Johnny whispers, too loudly. Everyone in the room goes quiet.

“Why are you being so fucking rude?” you feel the heat of anger roll through you, color rising in your cheeks.

“I’m not, I’m just surprised you’re into guys like that,” he sniffs, looking away. “Are you sure he’s into you?”

“Fuck you,” your voice bites out, adrenaline pumping through you.

Bobby comes up and claps Johnny a little too hard on the shoulder, forcing out a laugh. “He doesn’t know what he’s saying! He’s probably just hungover from the stag last night. You know how alcohol turns him into a little bitch.” 

“Yeah,” Johnny mumbles. “Sorry.”

“Whatever,” you say, turning on your heel. “See you out there.”

You stomp over to the door where Felix is standing. As you approach, he holds out his hand for you to take. Unshed tears burn in your eyes, but you’re too mad to cry. Felix walks one step ahead of you, pulling you gently to a secluded corner near the lobby. 

“Y/n, you okay?” he leans down, concern painting his features. You’re breathing hard, trying to calm yourself down but it feels like there’s a swarm of bees under your ribs.

“Breathe.” Felix says as he pulls you into his arms. He hugs you tight and takes some deep breaths in a slow, soothing pattern. You don’t realize you’re shaking with anger until you’re pressed up against his chest, but you begin to relax in his embrace. He pulls back a bit when he feels your forehead slump onto his shoulder, giving you a reassuring pat on the back. 

“What he said doesn’t matter, I promise,” Felix says, his deep voice rumbling through you, close to your ear. “It’s hard to insult someone when you’re calling them pretty.”

You chuckle, looking up at him. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

“Ehh, it’s nothing I haven’t heard before. I’m sorry you had to hear that,” he says. “He was insane to think that I wouldn’t be into you.”

“Yeah, my fake boyfriend has to be into me,” you chuckle. You feel much calmer now. “It’s like, the main reason you’re here.”

Felix gives you an inquisitive look, like the combination of a frown and smile, before shaking his head. “Yeah sure, fake boyfriend.”

You take one last deep breath to ground yourself. 

“Alright, let’s go find our seats.”

~

You’re no stranger to weddings. The families and friends shuffle in, light piano music playing in the background while everyone decides whether they want to sit on the bride or groom’s side. You hear a few hushed conversations about how lovely the florals are and secretly beam with pride. 

Felix drags you to a pair of seats on the bride’s side in the back row. He’s sitting close to the aisle side, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you close to his side. The small circles he’s rubbing into your shoulder are meant to be soothing, but you feel some of that ache blooming in your chest again. This is what it would feel like to really be with him. 

Johnny files in, taking his places in front of the round floral arch you put together. You avoid Johnny’s eyes at all costs, not wanting to scowl the entire ceremony. Jenny doesn’t deserve that. Felix, on the other hand, can’t seem to keep his eyes off Johnny. If looks could kill, Jenny would be a widow before she even got married. 

The swell of the wedding music starts up as the bridesmaids line up. Everyone stands, Felix taking your hand in his once again. You watch as a few of the bridesmaids do a double take at him, raking over his outfit briefly. One of them fully gawks at him for a moment before she remembers where she is. Your eyes are focused on the flowers, watching how they compliment the outfits and how they blend with the rest of the styling. 

The piano switches to a slower version of “Here Comes the Bride,” which feels strangely traditional with all the bohemian decor. Nonetheless, Jenny, arm in arm with her father, slowly marches down the aisle. Her gown is soft and flowy, her hair long, her veil made in the style of macrame. It matches perfectly with the bouquet you created for her, you beam with pride. You find yourself smiling and leaning into Felix’s shoulder. He turns to you, fully looking away from the bride, looking at you with a soft expression. Your focus is on the bouquet as Jenny steps up to the front. The ceremony begins when the officiant gestures for everyone to be seated.

Felix grasps your hand, lacing your fingers together, as you sit. He runs his thumb over your knuckles tenderly as he watches. Your other hand finds his bicep as you lean into him. He grins and subtly flexes for you. While Felix is focused on the couple at the front, his hand slips out of yours gently. For a moment, you’re filled with disappointment, until he shifts to grab your leg, fingers dancing along your knee. The room fades into the background, now all you care about is the way his fingers feel against your skin.

The voice of the officiant drones on. Felix’s eyes still firmly face forward as he caresses down your thigh, the hem of your dress riding up an inch or two under his grasp. You look down, watching in awe at the light ministrations, the pads of his fingers tracing little heart patterns on the inside of your knee. The sensation makes your heart flutter and the sensitive skin under Felix’s hand buzzes in anticipation. 

You glance up at him to find his eyes still trained on the exchanging of vows. He looks stoic, almost as if the way he’s touching you is a mindless activity. Maybe it is, maybe you’re getting carried away, awash in the building arousal. You try to remind yourself that this is fake, he’s doing this to help you put on a show for others, to rub it in Johnny’s face a little. Felix is a master at the act if he’s able to get you to believe, even if just for a second, that he returns your feelings. Your heart sinks as you think of your own little delusion that he could feel the same about you. 

He looks down at you then, head leaned into his shoulder, both hands grasping at his arm. Whatever look you give him must spur him on, this time he lightly drags his nails up your inner thigh. You gasp at the sensation, arousal pooling in your belly. Your knees lurch closed, trapping his hand between your thighs. He smiles at you again, this time flashing his teeth, the tip of his tongue tapping at the point of one of his canines. Your legs shudder slightly and you whine, so low only he can hear it. He delicately slides his hand out from between your thighs, wrapping his arm around your shoulders again. 

The noise of the room kicks up again, everyone clapping while “The Wedding March” plays on the piano. You stand on shaky legs next to Felix. As Johnny and Jenny come down the aisle, Felix pulls you to him and presses a kiss to your temple, making direct eye contact with your ex. Your eyes flutter at the possessive kiss, realizing that you hadn’t imagined Felix’s lips in the same spot the other night as you drifted off. As your mind spins, you miss the way Johnny sneers at Felix, disdain dripping in his gaze.

As the rest of the wedding guests file out of the room behind the couple, Felix grabs your hand and drags you out, trailing behind everyone. Heading towards the reception, he brings your hand to his mouth, giving it a quick peck. He looks at you, his eyes glinting with mirth, as he says, “Come on, let’s go try the cake.”

~

taglist: @binniesbabe @jeonginsleftcheek @ivydoesit23 @stayatinykatsy @mong---mong @palindrome969 @dottydarling @chiaki-nanami-aesthetic

[olderthannetfic]

Y'know, something that frustrates me about the whole F/F "eat your veggies" types who can, accidentally or otherwise, sometimes slip into radfemmy "center women" kinda vibes is that I DO write femslash, just not in fanfiction. I write it in my original works (it's kind of a running joke in my circle of friends that every character I write tends to be some flavor of dyke lmfao).

The things is, the genres I like are sausagefests. Wall to wall casts men, written by men for men. I like SFF with detailed worldbuilding, and most of the women in those casts, even if they're well-written, well-rounded characters who feel like full and complete people, are never allowed to be the kind of character that makes me obsessed.

I like emotionally unavailable assholes. I like characters who I'd kick to the curb in seconds if they were real. I like characters who are deeply broken and not in the "good victim" kind of way, the kind who snarl and hiss and lash out and get angry. Who aren't portrayed as if love is a cure-all that instantly makes it all better, even if it still helps.

It certainly doesn't help that in the media I tend to enjoy, the female characters are the object of the scene, not the subject.

So I write my own fiction, with my own characters who have all the qualities I like in a character, and who also happen to be dykes like me.

--

[bubblewrapsnek]

Phantomarine Reread: Chapter 1

For this chapter I don't have too much to elaborate on so it'll probably be mostly stuff I enjoy about it so uhh enjoy!

Let's begin:

The cover of the chapter is just very fun and good, I love how in a full page what acts as frame is the composition itself, using the rock as both a titlecard, flat space made to have Phae stand out in the centre thanks to less detail around her, and has a couple skeletons climbing on it too making it interacted with the enviorment too, it's just very good, plus lots of cute critters

Bonus, pretty lady with pretty dress

One sword lady just happy to be there, good for her!

Cheth working like a lamp, getting turned off as soon as Phae chickens out is a very good bit xD

Something I also enjoy a lot from this chapter is just how present those godly veins are

You can clearly see them flowing into everything Cheth uses, they work at being somewhat subtle to me, at a first read I just assumed they were for flare, it's a god in the sea hopping bodies, of course he has an aura, but going back they are very consistantly threads coursing through what he touches and moves, around him at all time, and it makes the reveal that those aren't something he causes, but those are HIM very fun to go back to

Also Cheth being so unserious even when angry, giving eyelashes to a t-rex HE CHOSE TO THROUGH A HISSY FIT WITH, THIS GOD CHOSE THE DINOSAUR FAMOUS FOR HAVING TENEE TINY ARMS TO PERK THEM UP AND SHOW ANNOYANCE, love that for them

Something else I want to point out is how Phae is never still, every panel she is moving, posing with dumb bravado sometimes downplaying it a bit, it keeps her expressive and alive even when the obvious main show is Cheth's flamboyance and shapeshifting circus play, and that in itself is also a very fun thing, in a revolving door of actors, the play doesn't loose itself, Cheth's emotions are readable, a character is expressed constantly and flows nicely into a variety of states, and for both of them, keeping this bravado will pay off later in the chapter VERY well

Great visual, the veins themselves working as the smoke, showing he is loosing patience, he is fuming while being underwater

Another bonus point: Extremely rare instance where I find M!Cheth looking hot in a sense of coolness instead of the usual lovely dork clown (he is hot in both ways but this is a different taste)

Plus

The facless crowd of red eyes not playing, smiling or fooling around anymore, they are finally dead set on her, she created a play for them and he provides the pressure of an audience, more than the panel before, with her literally being portrayed in front of the t-rex's mouth, this feels like the maw of the beast surrounding her, sizing her and ready to devour her, ready to have her be part of the facless crowd of observers, very spooky

And this feeling of the maw of the beast pays off, 'cause shit gets real very fast, Cheth doesn't take it lightly and goes for the throat with a question that not only he thinks she would never know, but that hurts so so much, (and also shows what is in his mind when dealing with royalty, not the attacks towards him directly, not the damage to him, but the countless children who have been deprived of a family due to all this). This works as a tone shift, the first, altho minor, payoff from the swagger set up early in the chapter, and this question hits you in the face hard and fast

Cheth's frame while asking this is almost as big as the burden of that knowledge, a question so heavy the panel under it is quite literally being smothered, Phae's face accomapanying the reader who didn't expect the shift

And this leads to another piece of characterization that will come back later, Cheth cares for children, this isn't just a question done to hurt her but it's something he cares for, and why do I say this? well it's something I read not only in what will be said later on in other chapters, but in Cheth's reaction when Phae actually can provide an answer

He is confused, but also looks genuinely worried about her, he is dumbfounded AND concerned for the woman who showed to care about something he thought she would have only superficial empathy towards, for the girl who just admitted to being herself a lost child in grief (little headcanon, the cat showing up is there to be ready to help in case it got too far)

Something else I want to make note of that I find very compelling:

The background, Phae answers and the background goes BLANK, until now it consistantly framed her in either blue or red, either in Cheth's play or taking a step back from it, but now, this is something that wasn't part of his tease, this wasn't something he thought would happen, Phae's care and grief quite literally breaks Cheth's overwhelming, presence here, it feels as if not only is he shocked, but he is giving her a brief moment to breath, letting her have some space for just a moment, I love it

And this also leads to a moment I find very interesting, and I would like to give my reading to

The way I read it as of the time of writing this, is that Cheth has a deep fondness towards humanity, the anathema comic shows a devotion to his love for the people he fares in the afterlife, for the children of man who have all but forsaken him, and here he is ANGRY, but why would he be angry that the king actually cared for said people? I can think of one reason: at this point he has been waiting for a sign for 5000 years, made to sit back and watch for ages the humanity he loves sending their man foolishly to die in a war against him in which he isn't even participating, and I think he might have internalized how the people he loves have accepted a doctrine against him so deeply that they deem the sacrifice of their lives and the suffering of their children as worth less than fighting him. But what does he learn now? that the king, the guide of this war, feels guilt over this, that the mean leading all those people to die had to find a way to cope with how terrible that weight is, that they haven't forgotten how precious the lives of his people are, AND YET HE KEEPS SENDING THEM TO DIE, EXACTLY LIKE THEY DID FOR THE PAST 5000 YEARS. This is beyond foolish, this is pure denial of knowing that what you are doing is terrible, and thinking you can offset it by being kind instead of working on the problem at the root of it, I too would be angry if the man leading those fathers and mothers to abandon their children tried to save his conscience by doing charity instead of preventing those deaths to begin with.

God this came out rant-y, and probably not perfectly worded

Moving on

Remember when I spoke about how the constant expressiveness and bravado of the characters is a great setup, well here we get to the first very big payoff in my opinion

Once again, Cheth's overwhelming red get's completely broken, stark white coral framing the object of something that deeply hits him and breaks his flow, he stops to a screeching halt for the first time, speechless and astounded. without all that overwhelming presence before, all that bravado, this loss of control would hit so much less and it doesn't stop here, no this is the first punch of a two hit combo, the proverbial quiet before the storm

And this also leads to another reversal in their constant duel present in this chapter, up to now all of this has been a back an forth, a dance where Phae responds in kind to Cheth's provocations, and here, she doesn't reflect an attack, but just like Cheth seeing her at a low before had him react with a look of pity, she responds here with the same concerned expression

Sadly, Cheth isn't in a place where vulnerabilty is something that can be helped with pity or comfort, not now

Now all he is, is a raging storm of emotions

And how does he get back control of the scene? he lashes out, he once again becomes overwhelming, the entire scene becomes a vortex of red and anguished faces, Phae's bright yellow gets tinted in a red glow, something deep within him has been touched

And MY GOD is the subsequent page a mic drop, the red slowly drifts to the bottom, her emotions are settling down, there is a moment of reflection and quiet, of many things she probably couldn't hope to think about for such a long time finally piecing together, and with those elements coming into place, here comes a new face that we will come to know along the way, not only is this a new face in the chapter, this is an expression of Cheth's state of mind in my opinion, as we will later learn that the sign he was waiting for, all he is doing and setting up, it was all in the name of a promise made to this face. at least, this is my read atm, we'll have to see how the story unfolds to see how well it fits

Have you ever seen a lady so beautiful you forgot you are dealing with Satan and decided to flirt? Phae sure has

And here we arrive at the reason I said Phae's tired reaction to the death of children was the "minor" payoff to the bravado shown

Cause damn here we get to the main show of her fall

But also, shock factor aside, I want to point out how this is the first truly mean spirited move Cheth has made thus far, the question of children came from a place of care, this is purely mean, nothing can come from being this petty and evil in action, it's almost parody of the demonic figure he gets painted as, almost...

Yeah you all probably know what I'm getting at, this is the first action she takes after learning of the bonefish, of the sign, and we later learn that she actively decided to play up the evil aspect Phae knows her as, painting herself as a disgusting villain because that was the role she thought would work, after all, would kindness and explaining have worked? she is basically programmed to hate them...

And with this Cheth has completely put the curtain back on, the second act of the play has started and they are both the director and the actors, the scene once more tinges itself in overwhelming red as they start their show

After this point the chapter is quite straightforward to me, tho it doesn't shy away from some very neat shots that end up being some of my favourites of the entire chapter

Like this one, it creates a very good feel of having Phae on the backfoot, the textbox itself works in presenting her driven in a corner, against a wall, even amidst a boundless ocean she has no escape, and Cheth taking center stage to the panel also works in establishing them once more in control

Meanwhile, I honestly can't even explain why I like this laugh so much, it's just so visceral, so played to an extreme, the sea itself is laughing, Cheth looks like he could fall over on their back from how the laugh is bending them, you the reader aren't safe from the thunderous laughter as the panel itself breaks down, becoming seafoam, you are seeing them explode over the question of Shoshanna's return and once again, Cheth is playing up a villain, we see later down the line how the argument of Shoshanna breaks them and tears them down, and here I think they are masking it, they play up their bravado to an higher degree than ever before, a villain so incredibly sure of themselves that they can stop and laugh so much they aren't even seeing you anymore, they are completely exposed, not a single shade has their eyes open to keep watch on you

What grief could ever deserve such a boisterous mask?

AND HE KEEPS GOING, HE KEEPS UPPING THE FACADE

He both becomes and rides a wave about to wash Phae away, he both is master of a distaster and the disaster itself, all this part feels like is him deciding to play the villain and putting on his best theatrics to deliver it, they become mean, deameaning, ruthless, the teases don't feel as fun anymore, Phae isn't in a place to make it a back and forth anymore

The chapter starts as an ebb and flow between our main characters, but by the end there is no more pushback, Cheth has become a flood and Phae has lost the ground she was so confidently standing on before

And she manages to get a hold for a last desperate second, she has been pushed so far back in a corner that she lashes out violently, but in the end, even this is futile, in the end...

The tidal wave has crushed her, and she can do nothing but break.

[666writingcafe]

Strange Behavior

A Text Conversation Between MC and Solomon

MC: Asmo's acting weird.

Solomon: How so?

MC: Ever since Simeon and Luke arrived at the House, he's been spacing out frequently and looking rather sad, and yet whenever I ask him what's wrong, he brushes me off and quickly changes the topic, trying way too hard to seem upbeat.

Solomon: I see. Perhaps he's homesick.

MC: That's what I'm thinking. He probably doesn't feel right being here in the Devildom. Unfortunately, him returning to the Celestial Realm is out of the question.

Solomon: I can relate to Asmo on a certain level. While I miss the place where I was born sometimes, I've lived too long a life for it to still be recognizable to me. But unlike our demon friend, I'm not sure I want to go back even if it WAS the exact same place I left.

Solomon: The only reason I would is to witness the nature there one last time. It was the sort of place where the earth and the sky seemed to go on forever. The vast meadows, the deep blue sky, the shadows that fell over the valley...it was truly magical.

MC: If circumstances were different, I'd have liked to go visit it with you, but I understand if the memories are too painful to retread.

Solomon: *blushing crow sticker*

Solomon: The last time I was in my hometown was also when I first met Asmo. I'd come back home after being away for several decades, and I decided to pop in a local tavern to grab something to drink. Asmo was sitting at the bar, drunk beyond belief.

MC: Good or bad?

Solomon: ??

MC: Was he having a good time or not?

Solomon: OH!

Solomon: He was rather depressed. Apparently a human he'd been pursuing rejected him, and so he was sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him, so I tried talking to him. That was a choice I immediately regretted, because once he started talking, he just wouldn't stop, and I hadn't intended on staying at the tavern for very long.

MC: That sounds about right.

Solomon: The good news is that I was able to propose forging a pact with him, and the rest, as they say, is history.

MC: *shocked crow sticker*

Solomon: What?

MC: No wonder this version of Barbatos doesn't like you.

Solomon: Now what's THAT supposed to mean? *angry emoji*

MC: You LITERALLY took advantage of someone while they were drunk!

Solomon: It wasn't like I slept with him!

MC: It doesn't matter, Solomon. You shouldn't have made a pact with him while he was drunk and heartbroken.

Solomon: I didn't think I'd have another chance.

MC: Save your excuses.

Solomon: Well, OBVIOUSLY I wouldn't do that sort of thing now, MC.

MC: Really? *eye roll emoji*

Solomon: Yes, really.

MC: Prove it.

Solomon: What?

MC: I dare you to make a pact with Asmo without manipulating him into it.

Solomon: While we're here???

MC: YES

Solomon: I suppose that wouldn't interfere with the timeline TOO much...just as long as I still have my seventy-two pacts when we return, it shouldn't really matter what order they occur in.

MC: I'm being serious, Solomon.

Solomon: I know. You didn't exactly consent to all your pacts, so I can only imagine how Asmo might have felt when he sobered up and realized what he'd done.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Slowly but surely replying to older asks. I say it every time but I mean it: thank you for being patient.

One ask about Shroudcest and one ask about Rookvil today!

Anonymous asked:

Imagine imagine imagine.

Cause this is funny to me.

Someone's flirting with Idia, yeah? (or just talking to him, not even flirting) (well, I guess it'd be a one sided conversation....)

And Ortho was off doing whatever and he comes back and he notices-

And he gets all angry and whatnot-

And Ortho's got instant connections to the internet-

And he figures out who the person is and basically destroys their social life.

Like, in the middle of this conversation, this person checks their phone and finds out all their friends have ditched them and their entire online life is up in flames.

Simply because Ortho got a little jealous.

Anon, this is so unbelievably easy to imagine lol Despite Ortho really wanting his precious Idia to have more friends and connections, he is much more jealous than he thought! And much more of a little shit than people think… We really love this kind of scenario for them, to be honest.

Ortho is way too powerful for how emotionally unstable he is! Rogue little yandere robot :( His niisan is his and his only! That poor guy probably just wanted to talk about homework or something trivial like that…

Anonymous asked:

the rook hate be crazy, sorry for the nonsense you’ve been dealing with for doing nothing wrong. anyway rookvil appreciation hours. rook is so observant and reverent that he’s always looking out for his queen and vil is just a bit tsun lol but i love how vulnerable vil is with rook. like the lines implying vil has cried in front of rook before, that they sleep in the same bed, rook knows vil’s family situation, vil commenting on rook’s thighs in beanfest implicitly meaning he spends a lot of time looking at them lol, rook has access to vil’s room and waits for vil… as much as i love savanaclaw rook and mourn his loss everyday, he willingly changed himself to be worthy of being by vil’s side via his own free will; vil did not MAKE him do anything they just talked a lot. my mans is more whipped than heavy cream. idk about you but rook mentions he struggled to feel or express emotions before he knew about theater (specifically neige but let’s ignore that for vil’s sanity lol) so it feels significant that rook obviously feels and emotes so strongly over vil (also something something ortho struggles to feel or express himself before movies and acting so what i’m getting at here is they should spitroast vil at least once lmao.) if it was revealed they’re canonically dating the only part i’d be surprised about is that it got through disney’s censors.

It’s okay, Anon. The whole thing kind of made us appreciate Rook and RookVil more, to be honest lol I sketched them for a couple of days nonstop after that whole thing happened.

It also made you write this ask! It took me some time to reply, but every time I was rereading it I smiled because god this is such a good ship. Everything that you’ve listed is just so… wonderful. All those interactions, all this connection, all those moments that imply their closeness that is on a much deeper level than we get to see. Sometimes when these two talk, it feels like we’re eavesdropping lol they just have this vibe to them, as if every dialogue has some additional context that we don’t quite get.

Vil’s comment about Rook’s thighs and him bulking up though lol poor Epel didn’t know what to make of it and probably didn’t want to think about it…

You’ve made such a good point about Vil being more vulnerable with Rook, and I think this vulnerability is very important. Vil feels like someone who probably doesn’t usually allow people to get very close to him, but once he lowers his guard for someone, that person becomes very special to him. Or I guess it’s the other way around… anyways, he trusts Rook enough to always have him by his side, and he probably vents his frustrations with the industry and anything else that troubles him to Rook the most.

And this trust isn’t one-sided: I feel like Rook trusts Vil a lot too. We know that he has a lot of secrets, and even Vil probably doesn’t know a whole lot about his upbringing and stuff, but he certainly knows more than other people + listens carefully enough to understand implications without prying into it too much. They give each other enough space in general, I guess? I know it sounds funny considering Rook’s whole stalking thing but lol their connection is special. They learn from each other and from what they have together.

It makes sense that one person that Vil trusts so much and loves so much is a weird theater nerd who doesn’t quite understand tact, but is very honest, supportive and genuinely passionate and loving. It makes sense that one person that Rook trusts so much and loves so much is an obsessive perfectionist that takes care of him, enables him and inspires him every day. Both of them are kind of insufferable, but they are the perfect type of “insufferable” to each other lol And yeah, let’s not forget about the power of knowing all the obscure theater/film references the other one makes!

I also absolutely agree that it wouldn’t be surprising at all if it was confirmed that they are dating lol The only surprising thing really would be the fact that Disney allowed it.

[ladyodium]

I’m feeling strangely poetic today.

TW: Domestic Violence

Lestat is such a blackhole. He’s a chaotic mess with an abusive backstory from which he never really healed from. Lestat is a lot, he knows that and he loves very deeply. Louis to him is His. His creation, His sun, and His Saint. Louis is everything Lestat isn’t, he’s the human quality that he lost so long ago. Lestat believes that Louis is his saving grace, finally someone just like him. In this Sun he’s found there is a deep underlying darkness. He wants Louis so desperately to accept himself as a vampire. He’s constantly angry that Louis denies this dark gift, this blessing he’s given him. He wants Louis to act out, he’s constant pushing Louis to react like him. He cheats, he lies, and he manipulates. He does everything in the book to get a reaction out of Louis and sometimes it works! He gets that reaction he wants, the vulnerability that Louis shows in his anger delights him. He’s a blackhole sucking the light away from The Sun, he’s the darkness that devours light, he’s this all consuming being who wants so desperately to be loved for who he is.

Louis is The Sun, The Saint, The creation. Louis meets Lestat and he’s instantly sucked into the vortex of him. He’s intrigued by this man who seems otherworldly. He finds him so fascinating, so attractive and alluring. How could you not be pulled in? Louis also is someone who is a victim of abuse. His family, his mother, Lestat, and now Armand. He isn’t always a good person but he tried to be. Louis is so traumatized that his mind just blocks out certain memories. Even before Armand messes with his mind. He loves Lestat and he’s ashamed to admit that. He loves Lestat so much but he hates the way Lestat makes him feel so unwanted. Louis really suffers from these severe moments of depression. He struggles with the concept that he is no longer human. He can’t have his business anymore and he can’t see his family. He’s afraid of his own vampirism, he can’t stomach the guilt of killing someone. He’d rather just drain animals and Lestat can’t stand this. 

I feel like Louis is the perfect example of a domestic abuse survivor. Before Lestat never hit Louis, he never raised a hand to him. However, he would humiliate him, cheat on him and then turn a child into a vampire just to keep him shackled in the “marriage”. Louis was happy that Claudia was there for a brief period in time Claudia was his light. They were a happy family until they weren’t. Lestat was jealous of Claudia, they were too similar to each other. Lestat saw himself in Claudia and how Louis was so happy with Claudia. Louis never judged Claudia for eating humans. Louis wanted Claudia to have everything he couldn’t do or wouldn’t do. He (for a time) respected her choices. Claudia really loves Louis, she loves him so much that she wanted to save him from himself. Louis let Lestat do what he wanted, just like how a victim will agree with their abusive partner to keep the peace. Lestat was good at making such good promises to Louis, he whispered honey in Louis ears and he never did them. He was jealous of Claudia having Louis love and attention. He could handle that, so he went to Antoinette.

I’m really grateful with how the show kinda incorporates Louis being black to his situations, it’s very subtle, but you can pick up on it. Lestat could never understand how Louis being black in a very dangerous New Orleans contributed to some of his choices.

The whole fight scene was really graphic and so well down. Lestat had finally snapped because Louis was thinking about leaving him for real. Louis would talk about it, think about it, but he had no one to turn to. His family turned away from him, he doesn’t have his business, and Claudia was gone. I feel like Claudia gave him the courage to finally remove himself from Lestat. Claudia wanted to save Louis from his own abuser like she saved herself. The way Lestat dropped this man from the sky?! Then he comes back just like an abuser and tried to cover it up with gifts. “You are not cruel, Louis.” And he isn’t. Louis isn’t cruel, he’s a survivor. That’s why he’s so quick to deny that he’s Armand’s. He doesn’t wanna be someone else’s anymore, he knows what it’s like to be owned and shackled. He’s free and he doesn’t wanna be tied down.

There’s a whole lot else I wanna say but that’s another post. Thanks for listening to my TED talk.



[venerawrites]

sfw and nsfw headcanons Victor x scientist!fem!reader 🙏🙏🙏

author's note: I finally have the chance to write for Viktor and I am so happy about it! Thank you so much for your patience and your request! Hope you enjoy! x

warnings: 18+ content: MINORS DNI

➤ SFW

Match made in heaven!

Seriously tho, I don't really see him with someone who is NOT a scientist. Mainly, because his job is practically his life, but also because I think that getting close to someone he is working with, is the most probable way for him to fall in love.

With that being said, your love life and work life would practically be the same thing. You will be together from morning till evening, working on the Hextech and trying to figure out different ways to incorporate it into your experiments.

As his lover, of course, your main priority is to find a way to help Viktor and better his health. Despite him being against it at first, due to his worry that you may get hurt in the process, eventually, he lets you help him.

Your work is often transferred from your lab to your home, and sometimes it can cause bitter arguments between you.

While Viktor is very calm and collected as a lover, but when it comes to scientific debates or arguments about work, he is extremely stubborn. He likes his way of work, and while usually, he is open to other opinions, he doesn't take it lightly if you boldly say "you are wrong".

He doesn't like arguing tho, so while he may be very passionate in the first 10 minutes or so, eventually he will go outside to get some fresh air and calm down before he comes back and apologizes.

This man acts so reserved, but he is a BIG SOFTIE! In the name of peace he is ready to say sorry even when he is right, so please don't be mean to him! (He honestly deserves the world!)

Loves to make stuff with you. It doesn't always have to be Hextech projects, sometimes he enjoys making small trinkets or toys, or just anything really, as long as he can spend some peaceful time with you.

Reading has always been a hobby of his, but since he met you, one of his favourite things to do is read to you. Before bed; while you are out on a date in the park; while travelling... And you love it too, as I can promise you, there is no sound more soothing than Viktor's voice!

Honestly, I don't think he is romantic. If anything, he is extremely smart academically, but when it comes to emotions... let's just say he is awkward. Any dates, gifts, or romantic gestures are mainly planned/made by you.

Not into PDA either, BUT will hold your hand while you are outside and sometimes place a sweet peck on your lips. In private, however, he will be more relaxed and while he will be a bit shy at the beginning of your relationship, soon he will relax and will even initiate intimacy.

BIG SUCKER FOR HUGS!

Again, he will do it mainly in private, but for him your arms just feel like HOME. No matter how stressed or angry he is, once you hold him in your embrace, he will forget every worry that has been troubling his mind.

He may not be the most open or easy partner, but he loves you to death. So please, please, be patient and gentle with him!

➤ NSFW

Not gonna lie, sometimes it baffles me when I see someone describe Viktor as some sex machine/kinky man, because... HOW? WHERE? WHEN?

If anything, I don't think sex ever excited him much. He had probably one girlfriend in his life before meeting you and even then, he was way more interested in studying and spending time in the lab than rolling in the sheets with someone.

He is the type to make love, rather than fuck.

At some point in your relationship, after you both felt comfortable enough with each other, lovemaking would definitely be one of his favourite ways to show you how much you mean to him.

Usually sex with him is slow and sensual, with a lot of quiet grunting, sweet whispers, eye contact, and holding hands.

He is not super vocal, but would always mutter in your neck or ear "I love you" and "You feel so good, God!".

(Likes it when you are loud tho, it definitely boosts his ego a bit!)

Due to his health, he is not really into rough sex, neither he has the stamina or the energy to perform it. Still, if you are somewhat of a freak in the bedroom, he will reluctantly agree to try using toys or tie you up while pleasuring you.

Speaking of pleasure...

So good at oral! I don't think he even realises it, as he was very embarrassed the first time he buried his head between your thighs, but he definitely has a natural talent for it!

As I said above, he is not into PDA, let alone trying intimacy ANYWHERE outside your bedroom, BUT with a bit of begging, whining, and assuring him at least 10 times the door is locked, he will let you climb on his desk and spread your legs before him. The combination of his tongue and fingers is guaranteed to make you see stars!

He also enjoys receiving, but for some reason always feels embarrassed and shy, so he doesn't let you do it often. Again you either have to beg him for it or he has to feel extra stressed to let you do it.

Your usual sex position is missionary, as he loves being able to stare at your face and it also gives him control, without excessive movements, but he also enjoys you riding him. Not only is the least painful for his leg and back but he also loves watching your tits bounce.

Even tho as a man of culture he appreciates BOTH your tits and your ass.

When it comes to aftercare, he is very gentle and to be honest, often more tired than you. He enjoys you pampering him and showering him with affection.

cc artwork: "Arcane" Concept Art

[chevvy-yates]

[NC_RES]_00002731 mercs_Steyr_Scharfenberg_008_JI.file ///core:_stuck_on_u.file\\\

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⚠️ READ: Please do not repost/reupload any of my art here or to any other platform, or I will be forced to do anything to get it annihilated.

lovely Summer props by @breezypunk. 🏝️

—

First:

Brudi, I built a whole jungle beach and you almost see nothing of it when I took the pics lol. Anyhow I have my own private big jungle beach now bc I managed after a few fails to save it as a preset! Idk if I can edit it afterwards but I'll find out. It's funny bc while creating/building it didn't seem so big/huge/wide but when taking photos it's like the water is 150m away from their place they had set up the chairs lol. I just pretend it was falling tide, alright.

Here's a behind the scenes of it:

somehow I imagine V to do this all day in his net world. Like he has a program similar like Minecraft but more realistic where he constantly builds stuff like that but with a vaporwave-y touch ofc.

Now back to the pics: Yes, even my boys are sometimes just boys!

Also still. Yes! Ryder goes out into the sun. Yes, he's got more of a tan than Vijay and yes, Ryder likes this colorful pride floatie. And yes, Ryder has a good time. This is me trying to show more that Ry is not always the angry cool raver dude™ in all black. I still think he's interpreted a bit wrongly by most, like I know everyone sees a different Ryder than I do. With the right people aka closest friends around he is having a good time as he trained to ignore Beast away and as long as the mood is good, Ry feels good (ofc he keeps also playing fine a lot).

Also Vijay on the orca floatie is GOALS, okay!

PS.: It was not V who built that perfect sand castle — it was Ryder who refined it bc V's base was more like some piles of sand (he's more keen to built stuff like that in the net rather than in real life).

And the water is not blue because well … Night City is a fucking hell of a polluted city …

[tintedglasses]

i had a talk with my advisor about the plan b if i can’t finish my dissertation proposal on time and i was feeling okay about that, and had come up with a plan that would put me on the best path to be able to maybe finish it anyways and was excited to make progress today but then i got hit with a random bit of insomnia (which hardly ever happens for me) and was up until 5 this morning and woke up at 9 and now i just feel so drained and like hopeless about it all because how am i supposed to do this feat that would be nearly impossible in the best of times if my body and brain continue to refuse to cooperate with me. i feel angry at myself for not being able to do it and i feel trapped in my stupid brain prison where everything is screaming at me to just do the work but i’m just missing some sort of connection that will snap me into action and actually let me do it rather than sitting around paralyzed by the demands.

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

[kaladinkholins]

guys cmon. be ffr please. akemi did Not love taigen. the only reason why she was desperate to search for him to the point of putting herself in danger is because she didn't want to get married to an abusive man (which she believed at the time that takayoshi was). when seki tried to dissuade her from running off, her reason was not "but i love taigen and wanna be with him 🥺" it was because she refused to be controlled and have her autonomy taken from her; she literally says "i won't be locked away in edo married to a stranger." and when seki still tries to argue that getting married to the heir of the shogun would be better than getting caught by brigands, she then says "that kind of man"—referring to takayoshi—"treats women like animals. they say he's a tyrant." and when seki chuckles and says "what man isn't?" her response is "you." she doesn't even talk about taigen. she is using him as much as he was using her. they both see—or, well, saw—each other as means to an end. for taigen he saw that marrying into the tokunobu clan would elevate his status and wealth. for akemi she wanted the right to choose who she married, and she wanted that person to be someone kind. that's it! neither of them loved each other. but since they were courting of course they acted sweet to each other, and they do still care for one another, especially due to their romantic history. but let's be real! akemi is a boss bitch who dropped taigen and forgot all about his ass as soon as she saw takayoshi was a nice guy. because duh? not only is takayoshi a better lover (it's implied their lovemaking lasted a long time) but he's also kinder towards her and presents her with an opportunity to claim power and freedom, which she would not have if she had married taigen, as she would have still been stuck under her father's thumb. so literally why should she settle for taigen's stupid ass! she may be a little naive at times but she's still incredibly intelligent. she would not do something stupid for the sake of "love." you know who would though? taigen.

[angelsdean]

ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.